In my first AA meeting, when it was my turn to speak, I said that I felt my life was a lot like the curse of Sisyphus – forever pushing a boulder up a hill only to slip at the top and, along with the giant stone, roll back to the bottom to start all over again. In my version, each time I slipped and fell, once I got up to start over, the boulder had grown in size, intensifying my labour.
Once the meeting had ended, a person came over and talked to me. “It’s nice to see another lover of the classics here,” they said. I smiled and said, “Oh yeah, haha.” The truth is, I really only know this myth from a friend who is a lover of the classics, and although I relate to the story, I myself will only listen to the enchanting timbre of Stephen Fry’s voice on the topic.
He then went on to tell me that there is a more modern reinterpretation of the story where the curse wasn’t real, but Sisyphus had been tricked into thinking he was eternally damned but could walk away at any time. This really got me thinking about how I had viewed this big stone of mine, this metaphor for everything that fuels my feelings of resentment, stress, anxiety, and depression. Maybe I could just walk away? Now, obviously, I’m not saying people should just walk away from their problems, but it’s our often locked, self-imposed, resentment-fuelled perspective on these problems that causes them to fester and grow. AA is full of “God” and “higher power” talk. I’ve seen people come to a meeting for the first time, hear these words and sigh, deal with the next however long, and never be seen in a meeting again. I don’t blame them. When someone would say to me, “Just put it in the Lord’s hands,” I would always feel disappointed, like it’s just a thing to say to get you to shut up already. What does that mean? Some imaginary force is going to fix my problems? Well, it didn’t take too many meetings to figure out that, no, it doesn’t. What I have come to believe this means is that you’re giving your problems to a higher mode of thinking, the lower mode being this default negative, the world-is-against-me way of looking at things. This lower mode is what brings us to feel the need to numb ourselves because it’s just so overwhelming and hurts emotionally, mentally, and physically – and in come the substances.
I’m going to now share my own reinterpretation of the Myth of Sisyphus, leaving out the whole story about why he was cursed because it doesn’t really apply.
In a timeless realm where punishment and perseverance intertwine, Sisyphus eternally pushes his boulder up a steep hill, only to watch it roll back down each time he nears the summit. This cycle, which he believes to be a divine curse, becomes his singular reality.
As he strains against the weight of his burden, a demon appears on one side, its voice smooth and tempting. It offers Sisyphus a potion, claiming it will ease his pain and make him forget his struggles. Desperate for relief, Sisyphus drinks the potion, and indeed, his pain subsides, his mind grows numb. But each time the boulder rolls back, it returns larger and heavier than before, intensifying his labour.
On the other side of the path, an angel stands silently, offering its hand. Its serene presence contrasts sharply with the demon's boisterous allure. The angel says nothing, its expression calm and patient, a silent invitation to abandon the fruitless task and find peace.
Yet Sisyphus, ensnared by the demon’s persuasive voice, ignores the angel. The demon’s seductive words drown out the silence of the angel, and the potion’s false relief becomes an irresistible escape from his perceived torment.
Unbeknownst to Sisyphus, he is not truly cursed. The gods had tricked him, implanting the belief of a never-ending punishment. The boulder is but an illusion of his own making, a symbol of his acceptance of a lie. The angel’s hand, extended in eternal patience, is the path to his freedom, offering a silent truth: he can walk away at any moment.
But silence is easily overlooked amidst the clamour of temptation. Thus, Sisyphus remains trapped in his self-imposed struggle, pushing the ever-growing boulder, unable to hear the unspoken truth that could set him free.
(Thanks for the re-write, AI)
For most of us, drinking or drugs aren’t really a problem, and that’s great. But unfortunately for some, what started as a fun social partaking from time to time turned into a form of self-medication. It’s a reaction to “I don’t like how I feel.” It’s a very self-involved, short-sighted solution. It’s a selfish act and feeds selfish thinking. Even the aftermath – the hangover – is a continuation of this. It’s so hard to focus or deal with anyone else other than yourself when you’re feeling the withdrawal. Thoughts dwell on fixing the way you feel, and when this is a regular occurrence, even if you no longer suffer as intensely as you once did, those thoughts become one: “When can I have my next drink?” The ultimate cure.
This supposed “cure” is a lie. I call it ‘The Sweet Spot Fallacy’. If I have a few drinks – for me, it was 2-3 generous glasses of whiskey – I’ll reach that sweet spot, and I can finally be at peace. Well, this “sweet spot” only lasts for a moment, and as it starts to fade, the body groans, “I’m losing it, I need more.” So you top up, then whoops, you've had too much, and here comes the slurry mess of “deep, meaningful, and/or epiphonic” (but really just resentment-fuelled dopamine drops of shallow validation) thoughts and conversation. Or what if you can’t top up? Well then, the body and mind continue to groan ever more intensely, and this displays itself in a shit-coloured variety of behaviours in the search for peace and comfort.
I drank because I was filled with resentment. I hated the fact that the world didn’t align for me, and thoughts and memories relating to this made me feel awful, and they wouldn’t stop dropping in to remind me. The irony is that the more these thoughts grew, the more unhinged I became, and the world more unaligned. And the reason those thoughts grew as intense as they did? Alcohol. Alcohol and fatigue.
I’m going to end this with another metaphor that I feel relates to what I have said here, and I’ll leave it to you to figure out why.
“Knowledge is knowing it’s a one-way street. Wisdom is looking both ways regardless.”
Peace and Love.

Hi, I'm 35(F) married to 37(M) for the last 5 years. I am pulling my hair out to get my husband see things from my perspective for the last 4 years or so..and I think I might be losing my patience this year.
We lived with his parents and brother because he couldn't afford a place of his own. 2 months in to living with them, I soon realised this was a huge mistake 1) my life was never going to be the same again - they are close minded, judgemental, sexist expectations, hierarchical thinking (my husband never made any decisions including personal ones like going on trips without consulting his dad), they made sexist comments all the time about my time "living overseas as a single girl" and expected me to "adjust" to their toxic household. All of which I "tolerated" because I wanted to keep the peace in the house, take time to understand my husband and also give it enough time before I took a stand. 2) my husband was a really different person in front of them and I hoped he would be better if it was just the two of us. I was so wrong.
I come from humble beginnings, worked hard for the things I need and want and continue to be the same in my adult life. On the other hand, I learned after marriage that my husband has never worked a single day, receives pocket money from his dad to fund his lifestyle. He makes no effort to contribute to household expenses, he might probably part with 50% of his "pocket money" from dad if there's anything more left after he's paid off his credit card bills, etc. And this isn't without my asking him to pay his share. His pocket money is one fifth of the income I make..
When we tried to move out..my FIL threatened that there would be consequences if we moved out, hurled abuses at me (saying how ungrateful I am after all the money he spends on me - for maintenance?!), to which my husband stood still and allowed his father to say horrible things about me and my family for 45 mins straight. If I had to pinpoint, this was the exact day everything changed in my marriage. Also..up to this day, I was of the understanding that my husband got his monthly income via his family business (which he said he worked for although he mostly stayed home)..and I just took his word for it.
When the FIL said all those things, and my husband stood in silence - I learned he couldn't have my back, didn't care about my feelings, and continued to blame me and gaslight me for the rest of the 3 years we lived away from his parents. What I tried to do in order to save our marriage had only made things worse, and since then it's been a toxic marriage between us. He has never once said what his father has done was wrong, or apologised to me for that. He continues to visit his parents home along with our child (feels very comfy to leave me out/ never invite me), and behaves like nothing has ever happened.
Now I would have moved on from that incident (with or without apology), except his parents and brother continue to brain wash, say mean things about me and tell me to my face that I am 'controlling" and have changed my husband. I am not okay with how my husband is okay with all this. He comes home after a "day out" with his family with no regard for how I might be feeling. They hide a lot of info behind my back but I tried to let it go.. He comes back home triggers me, I say a few things...and he verbally and emotionally abuses me. This has become a pattern. He "punishes" me by not talking to me for weeks, no intimacy whatsoever for months (not even holding hands or a little touch), no support or even general empathy to ask me how I'm doing.
When respect, trust, intimacy, emotional needs, financial security all imp values that contribute to a healthy marriage, missing in our marriage, I don't see a point in having him in my life except that my children need a father. As the sole breadwinner for our family, I am emotionally and mentally overworked and don't believe I can go on longer with an unhelpful, emotionless partner any longer. Our child is 4 and kind of understand what's going on and often see us arguing and bickering. Icing on the cake is I am pregnant now with our second child.
I considered moving back to where I used to live (which is overseas) but I'm not sure I can cope as a single mum with 2 young kids under 5. I have no family support, no elders worth involving in this matter to intervene and counsel, no one outside my 2-3 friends really know the stuff I'm going through. My husband makes 0 income, although his family are wealthy doesn't have a single thing to his name so I'm basically worried he'll leech off me when I apply for a divorce (I have worked extremely hard off for the stuff I possess in my name and want to protect it for my children..)... What are some sensible options?
Thank you so much for reading my lengthy post.

Context; My Dad is a secular humanist and frequently watches new atheist/pop atheist YouTubers with my Mom. Both of them were like really mad at me when I was baptized at the request of my aunt. I grew to love Catholicism and just finished the Summa Theologia. I started carving wood statues of Jesus and after I finish my senior year of high school; my plans is to a cybersecurity degree.
My Dad has been on a gaslighting crusade to get me out of Catholicism by various means. Just recently he invited me to his lab where he works and had me do a photo shoot with his friends. We all had to wear this cringy shirt with an Atom and the words “Science Non Fiction > Religious Fiction”. I was so furious after this; can you please pray for me and tell me what to do?

Hi Reddit,
I can’t believe I’m writing this post, but this has been on my mind for the past few months and I really need some external input. I need help to figure out if I’m in a toxic relationship, if there’s something I can do to fix it, if I’m over sensitive, or is it time for me to end this?
Context: I ‘M26’ and my girlfriend ‘F25’ have been together for 2.5 years, and known each other for 8 years. We both live in the U.S. but I’m from Europe and she’s from Central America, met in college. Issues started 2 years ago but when things are good she’s amazing (funny/beautiful/caring/makes me feel unconditionally loved/etc) and I always thought the issues were friction we could iron out together. With time I have grown increasingly skeptical of that. This is my first relationship (longer than 3 months) so at the same time I’m worried that maybe I am overly skeptical, that I only see my perspective and fail to see hers. I want to be fair to her, because I love her and care deeply for her as a person, I am just starting to resent the relationship.
History of issues: To me the issues are all centered in my girlfriends anxiety. Frequently, rather than being vulnerable, she projects her anxiety on me and accusing me of all kinds of things. I have both tried to shake off those moments, to recognize that this isn’t her but her anxiety talking, but it still affects me deeply. Not only when it occurs, but when I am doing something and she seems fine I still worry that maybe I will do something wrong and she will snap and this moment will turn to a life or death situation. I have also obviously communicated my concern over this behavior repeatedly, and every time after she takes things too far she apologizes and takes ownership and we come up with a strategy to avoid the issue from repeating. This all sounds very healthy, I think, but the problem is that we’ve had these issues and conversations 25+ times and here we still are. Some things have gotten better for sure but it still feels unbearable to me. Let me provide three examples to illustrate our issues (from my perspective).
Example 1 - 1.5 years ago My best friend and I were victims of attempted robbery from people affiliated with organized crime, the event went to court, and after the trial we wanted to get away from everything. My girlfriend and I had planned to go to a Caribbean island shortly after, so I invited my friend to come a week before my girlfriend and leave the day she arrived. We were both pretty shaken up and just wanted to talk things out and enjoy a tropical paradise. The first night my friend and I arrive (girlfriend still in the US) she starts texting fervently that my friend and I shouldn’t see any of the sights so she and I can see them together for the first time. I get where she’s coming from but this is also a challenging time for me and my best friend so I am not willing to completely sacrifice his week with me to appease my girlfriend. Things escalate and she demands my attention all the time. When my friend and I is out she is calling me 50+ times in a row, texting me that if I love her I would respond and that I am ruing hers and mine vacation and though I’m trying to deescalate I don’t see how to. I end up turning off my phone, although she begs me not to, but I’m still in my head unable to enjoy the night. When I turn my phone back on next day there’s a picture of herself with a cut (very shallow but still) saying I made her do this. This event is the low point of our relationship, and I told her if she ever hurts herself or threatens to hurt herself I’m out, and to be fair to her she has not once since hurt herself. Nonetheless, the calls continue after this (50+ a day) and I spent 3-4h a day on the phone with her and neglecting the trip with my best friend. Damn writing this out really makes me ashamed for not standing my ground back then. Anyways, this really colored the trip with my childhood friend and I think I still resent myself and her for making that happen.
Example 2 - 0.5 years ago I visited a close childhood friend in South America for 2.5 weeks. Because of the events that transpired in example 1, my girlfriend was nervous for my trip. She expressed worry that she would act out in the same way as my last trip. I really appreciated this self-awareness. We therefore talked extensively about how to avoid issues. The first few days were alright, with her being anxious but being vulnerable about it and we managed well, calling once a day and texting 15-20 messages a day (more than I’d want, but that’s a compromise I’m okay with). At this point I make a mistake, but her reactions to it is (in my head at least) not proportional. I told her I was going out with my friend and his friend that weekend, and she expressed that this would make her anxious that I would cheat on her. So I asked what can I do, and we decided I’d send her a text once I left the pre-game, once I left the club, and call her once I got back to my friends place. A little bit much I thought, but I love her so a fair compromise for now. Unfortunately, I got caught up in the moment at the pre-game, and forgot to text my girlfriend. I realized as I was walking home from the club with 25+ missed calls and a bunch of emotional messages about how I forgot because I was around beautiful women and how I don’t love her. Here I understand her pain. She was vulnerable, I agreed to a compromise and I didn’t fulfill my end. 25+ calls is never productive but hey I had some blame here. The following day I call her for 1.5 hours apologizing and we talk things out, and it feels like though she is feeling anxious that she accepts my apology and we have now managed to resolve my mistake. The same night my friend and his friends are going to someone else’s house for a BBQ (which I told my girlfriend about days before). An hour before we are about to leave my girlfriend starts telling me to talk to her on the phone, because I hurt her so bad and when I say I can’t because we are 10 people having a beer before we head out she says she doesn’t care and that I hurt her and now she “wants to make my life miserable”. I tell her “hey I understand you’re upset but I never want to hear those words from the person I love. I know I hurt you but never intentionally”. She says she doesn’t care and keeps calling me non-stop for 40 minutes and I’m worried that if I don’t pick up she will start to call my friend. I try to deescalate and beg her to take a step back and that she is pushing me away by doing this. The whole thing culminates by me getting out of the Uber towards the barbecue and telling my friends that I think my girlfriend and I are breaking up and I need to deal with it. I am crying as I say this and feel so damn embarrassed. Even writing it now I can’t believe this actually happened. Damn. Anyways, as soon as I tell her that I am no longer going to the bbq and I left my friends car she becomes a different person (the person I love) and tells me she is so sorry and realize she took it too far and begs me to order an Uber to the BBQ. She says she’ll pay for it and begs me to go. At that point I’m just so embarrassed at the whole thing and tell her something along the lines of “why the fuck did you push me this far then. I told you you are pushing me away”. I head home, and wonder how someone who loves me so much can intentionally cause me so much harm and I seriously begin to doubt if her and I will ever work. I tell her I don’t think I want to be in the relationship, but that I recognize I’m emotional so I need 7 days without contact to process my thoughts. I won’t block her, but if she reaches out I will. She does reach out (albeit with a nice message) but I still block her.
I probably should have left the relationship here, but damn I love her, we live together, and at this point she was depending on me for her visa to stay in the country. I don’t want to rip all that apart from her. So I say I don’t know if we’ll ever feel okay, but I’m willing to give this one last chance.
To her defense, she take a lot of new steps at this point. She tells her mom and sister everything that happened (including her trust issues and jealousy), she starts with anxiety medication and starts being more vulnerable with her therapist. I am still skeptical that things will actually be okay, but I recognize the effort she puts in and I really appreciate it. The frequency of our arguments decrease, and more disputes now end before they become arguments.
Example 3 - Yesterday My GF flew to Vegas with three of her girlfriends (I know two of them very well) and I know it’s a high risk trip for someone in a relationship but I honestly have complete trust in my GF. I decided to do a dinner with 3 of my friends (who my GF knows equally well, we’re all in a group chat together and do things regularly together) and they invited a 4th person who was part of our sports team (my girlfriend met her 2-3 times, just like me).
She texts me from Vegas asking who’s coming to the dinner and once she finds out this 4th person is coming she asks nicely if we cannot be in someone else’s apartment. When I say hey I’m sorry but I already said we could be at my place she asks at least don’t smoke weed together (my friends are stoners so 100% chance they’ll bring weed), and I say “I’m sorry but I won’t tell them not to and I’ll join In too if they bring it but you have nothing to worry about. I love you and I’ll call you as soon as they leave?” My girlfriend then goes into panic mode and calls me nonstop throughout dinner. I go to the bathroom and begs her to stop, tells her she is ruining this for me, and ask her to trust me. She still calls nonstop until they leave. I try to keep a brave face but again it really ruins the dinner for me.
At this point I have told her how actions like these makes me feel uneasy and prevents me from enjoying life. I told her I need her to trust me. I told her that I won’t have it anymore. And if anything the idea that she doesn’t trust me around 3 people she knows well with a 4th stranger while she’s at a pool party in bikini in Vegas just seems so hypocritical it makes me ever more frustrated.
In her defense: - Her dad cheated multiple times while she was growing up. I understand this makes it excruciatingly difficult to trust a partner. - She started seeing a therapist ~8 months ago. - She now takes medication for her anxiety. - She now has told her mom and sister about her trust issues for the first time in her life. - She began attending codependency meetings regularly. - She says she doesn’t want me to limit my life just for me to communicate better what I’m doing (I think it’s really possible that I’m bad at communicating, because to me this request feels like it comes from a lack of trust).
She is putting in immense effort, but I just feel like I can’t do this anymore. Even when things are good I’m worried that she’s going to explode and that prevents me from enjoying the good times too. I love her and she’s amazing in many ways, but I don’t like feeling responsible for her suffering. I know that by trying to end things she’s going to suffer so much and she’ll beg me to give her another chance. I don’t want to but in those moments I feel like she’s the rational version of herself and that maybe she’ll never explode again. Can I solve my relationship with her? Is it time to leave? Is it fair to leave when she is putting in so much effort? How do I find the courage to go through with it?
Thanks so much in advance, and I’m sorry for such a lengthy post.
TL;DR I think my relationship is toxic and I don’t know if it is fixable, or if it’s time for me to end it? Is it fair to end it when my partner is putting so much effort into the relationship?

I want to cut off my best friend i hate her
I’ve known my friend for 2 years through college, the first year was amazing and she was one of the best people to come into my life. She introduced me to so many new things and really made me feel comfortable in a friendship. We saw each other every day for hours. This year, we had different classes and couldn’t really see each other. She began hanging out with a guy classmate and spending a lot of time with him, leaving me behind. This whole time for a few months I hit my lowest because of this. She made me feel worthless and unneeded. I began ignoring her and separating myself but eventually she pulled me aside and tries to reassure me. But it’s mainly just empty promises and words. Her actions never changed and she just leaves me out and hangs out with this guy she doesn’t even like (but eventually dates). This goes back and forth for awhile and when they break up, she (wow) has time for me now and spends time with me. Stupidly i let my guard down i thought i had my best friend back. When he started talking to her again it happened all over again. She leaves me behind, does things without me, hardly talks to me. we bought games to play with each other and she plays them with him and never with me. idk what to do anymore. I’m tired of feeling this worthless to someone. I distanced myself before school got out and she tried to talk it though with me again. She just doesn’t like being alone (but apparently she’s fine leaving me behind). I can’t trust her anymore. She only is around me when her other friends can’t hang out. It’s now the summer and i haven’t seen her since graduation. The last time i hung out with her, her other friend is the one that invited me. She said we should hang out this week and i heard nothing back but she went and hung out with her ex. My birthday passed a few days ago and i heard nothing from her but she was online with her ex and played games w him all night. im so fucking alone i can’t trust anyone anymore. I shouldn’t even let it upset me anymore i promised myself i wouldn’t. I’m going to try and separate myself and never talk to her again she’s so emotionally draining. Idk if i’m overthinking it all or being dramatic and being to harsh on her but i’ve never had my friends treat me like this before. This is horribly written but i’m upset and need to know if this is just me being insecure and paranoid. Maybe she just forgot or didn’t realize what she was doing but i’ve talked to her so many times about it. I think i just cared about her way to much and she liked the attention but doesn’t give it. It feels so onesided. all these emotions over the year make me feel nothing but bitterness towards her now idk if i could even go back to being friends with her.

What happened to me was fucking hot. I don't have much of a sex life outside of my marriage, but when I'm out of my home area, I log into grinddr and feeld to see what guys or couples are in the area. Last Thursday, I was at the mall, which is more than 20km from home, and I started chatting with some guys, for a while, until I ended up chatting only with a young and versatile guy. First he sent me some photos of his penis, ass and body, and I sent him mine. Until then, everything was normal, but then, I gave him access to my private photos and he accessed mine. That's when I realized what a mistake I had made. He was a boy who lives near my house in the same street, with his parents, with whom we have exchanged a few words, and surely he would also know me and my family. I didn't know what to do, so I just wrote sorry F...(his name) and he replied Hello M.... (my name) I apologized to him, and asked him to forget this, to which he replied that now who had seen me was more interested in us meeting in person. I froze for a moment, because he is young, because he knows my wife, and because then I would be forced to see him almost always. But on the other hand, I thought about the photos that he had sent me and I liked that ass with little hair and that long, thin penis. In the end I told him to come home on Saturday morning since my wife has a class with activities for her and our baby. I am 46, I was excited but afraid. He is 19 years old, he arrived that morning also a little nervous, it could be seen in his voice, I invited him in and then I told him we should go to a TV room, I asked him if he wanted something to drink and he was speechless. , I told him that I was nervous too, I took his hand and put it on my penis, over my pants. This was the key that unlocked everything, he began to rub me harder and his mouth kissed me, his tongue searched for mine and I let myself go. My mouth also kissed him and I liked how his tongue tangled with mine. My cock was already feeling his grip and it was already hard but rolled up under my pants. While we were kissing, I took out my cock and his. My cock was already erect, pointing towards him, colliding with his flaccid cock, I hugged him so that our bodies made complete contact and I kissed him. I felt his mouth on mine, our tongues together, I felt my hands on his buttocks, gripping them tightly, his hands on my buttocks, our breasts were in contact, our bellies, our penises, our feet... it was an incredible sensation. . Then I kneeled down and put his flaccid penis in my mouth. I licked it, sucked it, and jerked it off. His cock was getting big and hard but after a few inputs and outputs of my mouth he moaned and cumed up inside my mouth. He apologized, but I caressed his buttocks and I continued sucking his cock while I swallowed his cum until his cock stopped pulsing. I stood in front of him and we kissed again. This sensation is very strange, I have kissed very few men and in general I have not felt anything. This young boy's mouth was different, it excited me. After kissing his lips, I guided him down with my hands until he was kneeling in front of me. He just looked at me, this made me get even harder. I grabbed his head with one hand, my cock with the other and brought it closer to his mouth, he opened it a little and part of my cock went in. Now both my hands were holding his head while the tip of my cock was in his mouth. Little by little I was sinking my cock deeper into his mouth, although part of it didn't fit. I fucked his mouth for a while and then I released his head and sat on the living room couch. He didn't waste any time, he walked on all fours towards me and continued sucking my cock. After a while, I told him to lie down on the couch, I sucked his cock and balls again, but they were still flaccid, I raised one of his legs and then the other, and licked his ass, this one is clear and has little hair along her slit and around her ass hole, it was delicious, I licked it, I kissed it, I put my tongue in, then I put a finger in... My cock wanted it, it was very hard. I put on a condom and lube while I continued licking his ass hole. I felt how his ass hole throbbed and opened with my tongue. I brought my cock closer to his ass hole and inserted the tip and a bit more. I felt how his anus tightened and imprisoned 1/4 of my cock inside. At this moment he told me "slowly, it hurts, it's the first time I've been fucked." "Calm down baby" I told him, I brought my face closer to his and kissed him while I let my cock out. I put the boy on his side and I behind him, I caressed him from behind and I put a lot of lubricant on his hole, until I felt that he relaxed and was opening to let my fingers enter with lubricant. I put the tip again at the entrance of his anus, and this time I went very slowly, millimeter by millimeter, I found no resistance, he moaned while my penis little by little was already more than half inside, then until his buttocks were completely leaning on my lap, with my entire penis inside her beautiful ass. One of my hands held his hip while the other grabbed his head and leaned it towards me, to kiss him while he fucked him. I fucked him slowly at first and increased the intensity, I felt how his buttocks were hitting my legs, how the walls of his anus were squeezing my cock. I didn't last long, I cummed on her ass intensely, we stayed in that position for a while, until my penis came out, with the condom a little loose and hanging. I sat down and he settled down, staying next to me, lying facing me. I was captivated by the way he looked and his young body. His penis was still flaccid, I leaned over to caress it. He apologized for not having an erection and he told me that he was nervous, he also said that this was his first time being fucked by a man and that he had been incredible, that he had liked it a lot. At 46 years old, I had had the honor for the first time in my life of taking someone's virginity. While we were getting dressed, I told him that if he liked it, we could do it again another day. Before leaving the house, he came up and kissed me, with his tongue searching for mine, I opened the door and he left. Should I do it again? Until now this game with other men was just that, a game. This boy has something that attracts me. On the one hand he scares me and on the other hand he excites me

It if my belief that the hardest liberal ideal to uphold is not property rights or free-markets but pluralism. This is because the instinct to demonize and distance oneself from one's enemies is overwhelmingly strong, driven by pride, fear, anger, and disgust. But we should stand against these impulses, for the very core of democracy relies on people and groups of different to engage and hash out a plan for the future. With that in mind, I would like to make a case that one of the most powerful and useful things a principles neoliberal can do is bridge build.

What is Bridge Building?

Bridge-building is not rigorously defined because it's pretty new, but it comes from very old human instincts: curiosity and a desire for authentic connection.
Curiosity is not just a desire for knowledge, but a desire to expand one's view of the world and a practice of being an ever-enthusiastic learner. Curiosity does not have to be about facts but also about new experiences and ways of thinking. To be curious about a person is not necessarily wanting to know their social security number, but how they came to where they are in life and how they see the world. Curiosity is not just touching grass, but appreciating the park's beauty. If I were not curious, I would likely have noped out of this subreddit based on the name alone. But because I was, I read the sidebar.
It is my belief that people have an innate desire to be heard, to be seen and respected. And although it is diminished as of late, people also have the capacity to truly connect to others on a deeper-than-superficial level. This is hard online, but much easier in the real world. This desire and capacity for connection can help people overcome great differences and sprout the seeds of a great friendship.
Based on these two principles, Bridge-Building is a movement to ease polarization by connecting people of different backgrounds and groups together to foster greater understanding. The goal is not to reduce disagreement, but to make it more productive.

Why should Neoliberals Aim to Bridge Build?

Yeah, why should we? If we know best, why should we listen to those chumps? After all, I already have a name for everyone to right and left of me: wrong.
For one, do we really know best about everything? In the Socratic Dialogue Meno, Socrates and the politician Meno discuss the nature of virtue. During a debate on whether virtue can be taught, Meno asks Socrates this:

And how will you enquire, Socrates, into that which you do not know? What will you put forth as the subject of enquiry? And if you find what you want, how will you ever know that this is the thing which you did not know?

Here in lies Meno's Paradox: how do you know if you need to learn? If you already have that knowledge, you do not need to look any longer. And if you don't, then you have no idea what you're searching for. Socrates uses the idea of inbuilt knowledge as his answer, but I have another one which may strike more directly to the interests of liberals: simply assume that your knowledge is incomplete, and seek a more complete picture. Given all the knowledge in the world out there and all the things have yet to be discovered, it is unlikely that you or any other person has the complete picture on even a single issue.
But even if we do not know everything, if there value in learning from those of different views of us? I say that there is, and I will use another famous parable, this time from Buddhism, to illustrate my point. In this story, a kind invites a group of blind men to experience something that they have never encountered before: an elephant. When each blind man has felt a part of the creature, the king asks them to describe what they are touching. The man touching the foot says that the thing is a pillar, the man touching the trunk says it is a plow, the man touching the tip of the tail says a brush, and so on. The blind men cannot agree on what they are all touching, and so start an ancient version of a flamewar which entertains the king. In this story, the elephant is "The Truth", if such a thing exists. Although we all come in contact with the truth and with reality, we each come at it at different angles, like how the blind men are touching different parts. This means that while our individual perspectives are incomplete, they can be put together as a much more complete picture. People who remember the "wisdom" of the crowds should also recognize the powerful insights that can come from non-experts, especially as a group. Neoliberals who aspire to be "evidence-based" should not just gather evidence from different sources, but learn about different ways of thinking from others, or else they would be like one blind man squeezing the elephant's gonads really hard and thinking he's touching a balloon.
Edit: Just realized another reason Another reason for bridge building has to do with pragmatism. Pragmatism is not simply being "less extreme", but meeting people where they are. But how can you do that if you don't know where they are? Polls can help, but some personal connection may help as well, given how unreliable polls can be.
Hoewver, there are a lot of people who will reply to this very post and say, "isn't it dangerous to engage with certain people? What about those who are too stupid and hateful to learn?". Firstly, you should never bridge build if you feel unsafe. However, feeling unsafe is not the same as feeling uncomfortable, and discomfort may help you shake out of old patterns. Secondly, the foremost goal of substantive discussion is not to teach but to learn: even if the other party is too stupid to learn, if you are able to listen and learn you will have gained from the conversation. This may not always work out, but I promise you that when it does the effect is magical.

How do you Bridge Build?

This is the hard part. I haven't fully figured it out myself, but I have some pointers:

1. Be patient. People, especially people on the internet, are no the most eloquent speakers. Struggling to find the right words or having incorrect grammar and spelling should not be taken as signs of being dumb babies not worth talking to. Additionally, try not assume all of what people are based on snippets of information.
2. Be polite. Avoiding infamatory remarks ("You can't even read a supply and demand graph") and ambiguous slogans ("From the river to the sea, drugs will be free!") and try to keep the focus on the issues instead of the other person (or what you assume of the other person).

3.Stand up for your beliefs. Common ground is only real if it is earned. Be upfront about what you believe and how you came to believe those things. Anything else would be a disservice to the other party.

1. Follow your curiosity. Try to ask questions in good faith instead of as traps (although I admit I do this a lot). Who knows where the inquiry will go?

But if that's too hard or ambiguous, there's a lot of help out there. Here are some organizations and projects that specialize in bridge-building:
Braver Angels: They host workshops, debates, and other events for bridging divides. I also like their A Braver Way Podcast. They also happen to be associated with one American Purpose Magazine.
One Small Step by StoryCorps: If you sign up, they may match you with someone they think you will have a fruitful conversation with.
National Institue for Civil Discourse: Come on, one of the founding Co-Chairs was Bill Clinton, and a former board member was H.W. Bush.
There are many more, so feel free to search for yourself. So, why not try building some bridges? They're an important piece of infrastructure.

Hello people of reddit, I have come for some advice. These names are fictitious, but me and my roommate, Eloise are having issues with Charlie. All of us are in college right now. Charlie and I lived together last year, and we’ve been close friends for about 2 years. We moved in with Eloise this year. Basically, Charlie has been hanging out with her boyfriend and some of her other friends a lot more than she’s been hanging out with Eloise and I. Naturally, Eloise and I became closer friends as we both spent a lot of time in the apartment. Charlie became very distant and didn’t really talk to me but she didn’t talk to Eloise at all. Around the time that Charlie found out her boyfriend was going to an out-of-state college, she seemed to become more nervous that Eloise and I were growing closer. Eventually, Charlie told me that she felt as if Eloise and I were closer than Charlie was with either of us. She also said that it felt as if Eloise and I didn’t want her there when the three of us were hanging out. Throughout the year, Eloise and I have invited her to various things we were doing. If we were watching a tv show, we would invite her or if we were going to get coffee, we would invite her to that as well. When I talked to Charlie, she told me she felt like she wasn’t wanted. Charlie also told me she felt like she wasn’t close to Eloise but hasn’t said anything to Eloise. Charlie’s solution is to spend more quality time with me. When Eloise and I do invite her, she declines because she said it feels like an afterthought. Charlie still thinks that’s the correct thing to do in this situation. This summer is incredibly busy for me, I’m going to be working, taking two summer classes, volunteering, and studying for the LSAT. I don’t have much time to hang out and whatever time I do have would be for my family. I compromised by telling her that we could hang out during the summer a few times and FaceTiming, but she doesn’t think that this qualifies as compromise. She also told me that for her, she needs to be on constant contact with me in order to feel close to me. I personally don’t feel this way. I’ve been best friends with people I haven’t seen in months, but we still catch up as if nothing happened. Charlie’s needed reassurance that we’re still friends a lot, such as in gift-giving, words of affirmation and quality time. I can’t give a lot of those things to her because frankly, I’m tired of giving her the reassurance she wants in our friendship. When Charlie and I were discussing, she also told me she felt as if it was normal to feel as if not spending quality time together meant that we were having problems or if we were just distancing. I feel as if Charlie is asking me to meet all of her needs without reciprocating by meeting my needs as well. We have to live together next year, is there any advice on how to navigate? We want to stay friends with her, but I need some advice on how to talk to her about her insecurities about our friendship between the three of us.

Hello people of reddit, I have come for some advice. These names are fictitious, but me and my roommate, Eloise are having issues with Charlie. All of us are in college right now. Charlie and I lived together last year, and we’ve been close friends for about 2 years. We moved in with Eloise this year. Basically, Charlie has been hanging out with her boyfriend and some of her other friends a lot more than she’s been hanging out with Eloise and I. Naturally, Eloise and I became closer friends as we both spent a lot of time in the apartment. Charlie became very distant and didn’t really talk to me but she didn’t talk to Eloise at all. Around the time that Charlie found out her boyfriend was going to an out-of-state college, she seemed to become more nervous that Eloise and I were growing closer. Eventually, Charlie told me that she felt as if Eloise and I were closer than Charlie was with either of us. She also said that it felt as if Eloise and I didn’t want her there when the three of us were hanging out. Throughout the year, Eloise and I have invited her to various things we were doing. If we were watching a tv show, we would invite her or if we were going to get coffee, we would invite her to that as well. When I talked to Charlie, she told me she felt like she wasn’t wanted. Charlie also told me she felt like she wasn’t close to Eloise but hasn’t said anything to Eloise. Charlie’s solution is to spend more quality time with me. When Eloise and I do invite her, she declines because she said it feels like an afterthought. Charlie still thinks that’s the correct thing to do in this situation. This summer is incredibly busy for me, I’m going to be working, taking two summer classes, volunteering, and studying for the LSAT. I don’t have much time to hang out and whatever time I do have would be for my family. I compromised by telling her that we could hang out during the summer a few times and FaceTiming, but she doesn’t think that this qualifies as compromise. She also told me that for her, she needs to be on constant contact with me in order to feel close to me. I personally don’t feel this way. I’ve been best friends with people I haven’t seen in months, but we still catch up as if nothing happened. Charlie’s needed reassurance that we’re still friends a lot, such as in gift-giving, words of affirmation and quality time. I can’t give a lot of those things to her because frankly, I’m tired of giving her the reassurance she wants in our friendship. When Charlie and I were discussing, she also told me she felt as if it was normal to feel as if not spending quality time together meant that we were having problems or if we were just distancing. I feel as if Charlie is asking me to meet all of her needs without reciprocating by meeting my needs as well. We have to live together next year, is there any advice on how to navigate? We want to stay friends with her, but I need some advice on how to talk to her about her insecurities about our friendship between the three of us.

I'm curious to know what everyone is planning to do this summer for juniors or seniors? I'm a junior this year, in other words not far from graduation, and I'm looking for my own business team, is there anyone out there who doesn't have anything to do this summer and would like to join my team? Three requirements: a student at my university and free for the summer, great English or French skills, and someone who can move around in Ontario.
(Trust me, everyone will be rewarded)

https://bgodinspired.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/1716095437.png

Finding Hope in Uncertainty: Unlocking Jeremiah 29:12-13’s Promise

Do you ever feel like you’re sending out SOS signals into the void, wondering if anyone up there is listening? If so, you’re not alone. Many of us have been there, especially in our most trying times. But, what if I told you that there’s a promise, nestled within the ancient texts of the Bible, specifically designed for moments of doubt and uncertainty? Yes, Jeremiah 29:12-13 holds a timeless assurance that might just change the way you view your struggles and doubts.

The Heart of the Message

Jeremiah 29:12-13 says, “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” These words are part of a letter sent by Prophet Jeremiah to the exiles in Babylon, offering them a glimmer of hope and a future promise. But it’s not just for them; it’s for anyone who seeks a deeper connection and understanding in their spiritual journey, promising that sincere prayers and search for divine guidance are always met with open ears and an open heart.

Unpacking the Promise

These verses underscore two key actions: calling/praying and seeking. Here’s why they are incredibly relevant today:

• Active Engagement: It encourages us to not be passive in our faith, but to actively engage with it, reaching out to God in times of need.
• Promise of Receptivity: It guarantees that when we do reach out, we’re not ignored. Our efforts to connect are met with divine attentiveness.
• Pursuit with the Heart: The emphasis on seeking “with all your heart” adds a beautiful layer of sincerity and depth to our search for God, making the journey as important as the destination.

This passage, therefore, isn’t just about seeking answers during tough times; it’s a blueprint for nurturing a relationship with God that is based on mutual communication and sincerity.

Practical Steps to Heed Jeremiah’s Call

So, how can we apply Jeremiah 29:12-13’s promise to our daily lives?

1. Be intentional in your prayers: Set aside specific times for prayer and meditation, focusing your thoughts and intentions towards communicating with God.
2. Seek with sincerity: Engage in your spiritual practices with an open and honest heart, willing to find and accept the guidance offered.
3. Be receptive: Sometimes, the answers come in ways we don’t expect. Stay open to recognizing the subtle ways in which God might be responding to you.

By integrating these steps into our routines, we invite a more meaningful, two-way conversation with God into our lives—one where we speak and seek with the assurance that we will be heard and found.

Embrace the Promise Today

In our fast-paced, often unpredictable lives, it’s comforting to know that there’s an enduring promise waiting for us within the pages of Jeremiah 29:12-13. This scripture doesn’t just offer a fleeting sense of hope; it provides a tangible pathway to forming a deeper, more fulfilling relationship with God. So, why not take a moment today to call and seek? The promise is clear: He will listen, and you will find. Let the journey of heart-led seeking transform your spiritual walk, starting now.
Looking for more insights and guidance? Keep exploring, praying, and seeking with all your heart. Your journey is uniquely yours, but the promise of being heard and found is universal. Embrace it, and let it guide you through the uncertainties of life with faith and hope.
If you want to want to research more Bible Answers on your own, please try our Bible Answers GPT. It’s easy to get lost in the interesting responses you’ll find… every search is like a new treasure hunt 🙂
Source =

I’ll never understand why women are religious. I understand why men are, after all, they are the gods. They are the superiors and we are just the r*apebait, baby making slaves right?
Religions women disgust me. No self-respecting man would ever follow a religion that only/ mainly has female gods, that worships females, that calls females the creators, that has a “father” but can never acc mention that father, that constantly says that they are inferior to women, that men were the cause of the original sin/ that they are rhe root of evil cuz 1 (made up) “person” messed up and now everyone born their gender will have a painful and fucked up life, and so on and so forth. So why do women do it?
This is one of womens’ many flaws imo. Too forgiving. And because of that, i think that religions are right in saying that women are “obedient”. More men are atheists than women. It should be the other way around but women just wont leave this toxic relationship.
Im south asian. Almost all my family is hindu, and i sort of practised it too until i was about 10, then became an atheist. I am 19 now and have everlasting trauma and self-hate from those 10 years and just learning more about the different religions makes them hate them and my self more and more and more and more.
There is a ceremony that some people preform when a girl gets her first period. Absolutely barbaric and this was my breaking point to making me become an atheist. It’s basically am advertisement and it’s lowkey pedophilic cuz the whole idea of it is that they invite everyone and basically say “i have a daughter who can now have kids. So men, come up, and take a gander at her”. Basically saying that this 7-12 yr old is old enough for marriage and to have kids. And it just gives off “if she’s old enough to bleed, she’s old enough to breed” vibes.
And ofc men dont have anything this humiliating cuz why would they? Men actually have DIGNITY in this world that tries to shame, belittle and degrade women from the time we are born!
Oh and also right after i got it. Like the second after i got my first one. My stupid mom called all of her family and told them even when i told her not to. NO RESPECT FOR ME
I never did this stupid thing. I had to fight my parents to not do it and i dont regret what i did. BUT after not doing it, people (random ass family members mainly) would COME UP TO ME AND ASK ME IF I “WAS NORMAL” … NORMAL. THAT IS THE EXACT WORDING THEY USED. ASKED ME IF ANYTHING WAS “WRONG” with me! The answer is no. BUT WHY IS THAT ANYONES BUSINESS. WHY SHOULD MY BUSINESS BE SHARED TO ALL THESE PEOPLE WHO I DONT EVEN KNOW LIKE THIS? Like even if i did have endo or didnt get a period for whatever reason or whatever, THAT WOULD NOT MAKE ME “not NORMAL”. Do we treat anyone else with other diseases/ illnesses like this?! Do we tell people with cancer that they are “not normal”. NO BECAUSE THEY DONT CONTROL THAT (not in every case). They for the most part have condolences and best wishes. but the SECOND it is something that affects cis women, SOCIETY SHAMES THEM INSTEAD OF RESPECTING THEIR PRIVACY OR SHOWING THEM PITY OR CONCERN OR GIVING THEM USEFUL/ WANTED ADVICE
When you are on you period, you are “unclean” and apparently spread cooties or something idk. Just such childish thinking. Cuz ive had family members Litterally SNEEZE AND COUGH IN FOOD or cough without covering their mouths and my mom turns a blind eye to it. Defends them. Says theres nothing wrong and that they are not “actually sick”. But BUT …. If i am on my period and want to touch my own clothes in my own closet. Or if i had just finished my period and haven’t showered yet and go to touch my clothes, TELL ME WHY MY MOM THROWS A HISSY FIT TANTRUM GOING OFF ABOUT HOW IM “CONTAMINATING” all mu clothes and that everything ive touched now had to be washed ?!?!!?!!!?!!???? GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
YELLS AT ME FOR GOING TO THE KITCHEN IN MY OWN HOUSE. YELLS AT ME FOR PASSING THE PRAYER ROOM TO GET TO MY OWN BED ROOM. Like she knew she was raised like this and that she would do that to me. Should have just had an abortion (im from canada) the second she found out that i wasn’t a precious, clean baby boy , but instead am a dirty, impure female.
UK WHAT, just search up what “period huts” are on google 😀 and all the LITTERAL DEATHS THEY CAUSE CUZ PEOPLE WANNA BANISH GIRLS FROM THEIR HOMES FOR SOMETHING WE CAN NOT CONTROL NOT EVEN ALLOWED IN YOUR OWN HOME AND YOU ARE REDUCED TO A STRAY ANIMAL FOR YOUR PERIOD. In fact, despite the fact that these people throw those huge parties to announce a first period, periods are VERY taboo in south asia. To the point where women cant even have/ use pads or carry pads around so they have to resort to using cloth and leaves WHICH CAUSES INFECTIONS
WE HATE OUR GIRLS SO MUCH AND EVERYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH THEM THAT WE WOULD RATHER KILL THEM OR MAKE THEM TERRIBLY SICK THAN HELP THEM! Im crying writing this cuz im honestly at a loss for words.
That said, i dont think that hinduism is the worst one out there. There are definitely worse ones but this was just my experience and i needed to vent and maybe teach others some things and give reasons as to why we shouldn’t be following these MAN MADE LIES!

English: motion

1. the passing of a body from one place or position to another, whether voluntary or involuntary
   
2. action of a machine with respect to the relative movement of its parts
   
3. the act, process, or state of changing place or position
   

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Translations

• Catalan: moviment
  
• Esperanto: moviĝo
  
• French: mouvement
  
• Galician: moción
  
• German: die Bewegung
  
• Italian: movimento
  
• Portuguese: movimento
  
• Romanian: moțiune, mișcare
  
• Spanish: moción
  
• Swedish: rörelse
  

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Word of The Hour's Annual Survey @ https://wordofthehour.org/form

Hi Reddit,
I can’t believe I’m writing this post, but this has been on my mind for the past few months and I really need some external input. I need help to figure out if I’m in a toxic relationship, if there’s something I can do to fix it, if I’m over sensitive, or is it time for me to end this?
Context: I (M26) and my girlfriend (F25) have been together for 2.5 years, and known each other for 8 years. We both live in the U.S. but I’m from Europe and she’s from Central America, met in college. Issues started 2 years ago but when things are good she’s amazing (funny/beautiful/caring/makes me feel unconditionally loved/etc) and I always thought the issues were friction we could iron out together. With time I have grown increasingly skeptical of that. This is my first relationship (longer than 3 months) so at the same time I’m worried that maybe I am overly skeptical, that I only see my perspective and fail to see hers. I want to be fair to her, because I love her and care deeply for her as a person, I am just starting to resent the relationship.
History of issues: To me the issues are all centered in my girlfriends anxiety. Frequently, rather than being vulnerable, she projects her anxiety on me and accusing me of all kinds of things. I have both tried to shake off those moments, to recognize that this isn’t her but her anxiety talking, but it still affects me deeply. Not only when it occurs, but when I am doing something and she seems fine I still worry that maybe I will do something wrong and she will snap and this moment will turn to a life or death situation. I have also obviously communicated my concern over this behavior repeatedly, and every time after she takes things too far she apologizes and takes ownership and we come up with a strategy to avoid the issue from repeating. This all sounds very healthy, I think, but the problem is that we’ve had these issues and conversations 25+ times and here we still are. Some things have gotten better for sure but it still feels unbearable to me. Let me provide three examples to illustrate our issues (from my perspective).
Example 1 - 1.5 years ago: My best friend and I were victims of attempted robbery from people affiliated with organized crime, the event went to court, and after the trial we wanted to get away from everything. My girlfriend and I had planned to go to a Caribbean island shortly after, so I invited my friend to come a week before my girlfriend and leave the day she arrived. We were both pretty shaken up and just wanted to talk things out and enjoy a tropical paradise. The first night my friend and I arrive (girlfriend still in the US) she starts texting fervently that my friend and I shouldn’t see any of the sights so she and I can see them together for the first time. I get where she’s coming from but this is also a challenging time for me and my best friend so I am not willing to completely sacrifice his week with me to appease my girlfriend. Things escalate and she demands my attention all the time. When my friend and I is out she is calling me 50+ times in a row, texting me that if I love her I would respond and that I am ruing hers and mine vacation and though I’m trying to deescalate I don’t see how to. I end up turning off my phone, although she begs me not to, but I’m still in my head unable to enjoy the night. When I turn my phone back on next day there’s a picture of herself with a cut (very shallow but still) saying I made her do this. This event is the low point of our relationship, and I told her if she ever hurts herself or threatens to hurt herself I’m out, and to be fair to her she has not once since hurt herself. Nonetheless, the calls continue after this (50+ a day) and I spent 3-4h a day on the phone with her and neglecting the trip with my best friend. Damn writing this out really makes me ashamed for not standing my ground back then. Anyways, this really colored the trip with my childhood friend and I think I still resent myself and her for making that happen.
Example 2 - 0.5 years ago: I visited a close childhood friend in South America for 2.5 weeks. Because of the events that transpired in example 1, my girlfriend was nervous for my trip. She expressed worry that she would act out in the same way as my last trip. I really appreciated this self-awareness. We therefore talked extensively about how to avoid issues. The first few days were alright, with her being anxious but being vulnerable about it and we managed well, calling once a day and texting 15-20 messages a day (more than I’d want, but that’s a compromise I’m okay with). At this point I make a mistake, but her reactions to it is (in my head at least) not proportional. I told her I was going out with my friend and his friend that weekend, and she expressed that this would make her anxious that I would cheat on her. So I asked what can I do, and we decided I’d send her a text once I left the pre-game, once I left the club, and call her once I got back to my friends place. A little bit much I thought, but I love her so a fair compromise for now. Unfortunately, I got caught up in the moment at the pre-game, and forgot to text my girlfriend. I realized as I was walking home from the club with 25+ missed calls and a bunch of emotional messages about how I forgot because I was around beautiful women and how I don’t love her. Here I understand her pain. She was vulnerable, I agreed to a compromise and I didn’t fulfill my end. 25+ calls is never productive but hey I had some blame here. The following day I call her for 1.5 hours apologizing and we talk things out, and it feels like though she is feeling anxious that she accepts my apology and we have now managed to resolve my mistake. The same night my friend and his friends are going to someone else’s house for a BBQ (which I told my girlfriend about days before). An hour before we are about to leave my girlfriend starts telling me to talk to her on the phone, because I hurt her so bad and when I say I can’t because we are 10 people having a beer before we head out she says she doesn’t care and that I hurt her and now she “wants to make my life miserable”. I tell her “hey I understand you’re upset but I never want to hear those words from the person I love. I know I hurt you but never intentionally”. She says she doesn’t care and keeps calling me non-stop for 40 minutes and I’m worried that if I don’t pick up she will start to call my friend. I try to deescalate and beg her to take a step back and that she is pushing me away by doing this. The whole thing culminates by me getting out of the Uber towards the barbecue and telling my friends that I think my girlfriend and I are breaking up and I need to deal with it. I am crying as I say this and feel so damn embarrassed. Even writing it now I can’t believe this actually happened. Damn. Anyways, as soon as I tell her that I am no longer going to the bbq and I left my friends car she becomes a different person (the person I love) and tells me she is so sorry and realize she took it too far and begs me to order an Uber to the BBQ. She says she’ll pay for it and begs me to go. At that point I’m just so embarrassed at the whole thing and tell her something along the lines of “why the fuck did you push me this far then. I told you you are pushing me away”. I head home, and wonder how someone who loves me so much can intentionally cause me so much harm and I seriously begin to doubt if her and I will ever work. I tell her I don’t think I want to be in the relationship, but that I recognize I’m emotional so I need 7 days without contact to process my thoughts. I won’t block her, but if she reaches out I will. She does reach out (albeit with a nice message) but I still block her.
I probably should have left the relationship here, but damn I love her, we live together, and at this point she was depending on me for her visa to stay in the country. I don’t want to rip all that apart from her. So I say I don’t know if we’ll ever feel okay, but I’m willing to give this one last chance.
To her defense, she take a lot of new steps at this point. She tells her mom and sister everything that happened (including her trust issues and jealousy), she starts with anxiety medication and starts being more vulnerable with her therapist. I am still skeptical that things will actually be okay, but I recognize the effort she puts in and I really appreciate it. The frequency of our arguments decrease, and more disputes now end before they become arguments.
Example 3 - Yesterday: My GF flew to Vegas with three of her girlfriends (I know two of them very well) and I know it’s a high risk trip for someone in a relationship but I honestly have complete trust in my GF. I decided to do a dinner with 3 of my friends (who my GF knows equally well, we’re all in a group chat together and do things regularly together) and they invited a 4th person who was part of our sports team (my girlfriend met her 2-3 times, just like me).
She texts me from Vegas asking who’s coming to the dinner and once she finds out this 4th person is coming she asks nicely if we cannot be in someone else’s apartment. When I say hey I’m sorry but I already said we could be at my place she asks at least don’t smoke weed together (my friends are stoners so 100% chance they’ll bring weed), and I say “I’m sorry but I won’t tell them not to and I’ll join In too if they bring it but you have nothing to worry about. I love you and I’ll call you as soon as they leave?” My girlfriend then goes into panic mode and calls me nonstop throughout dinner. I go to the bathroom and begs her to stop, tells her she is ruining this for me, and ask her to trust me. She still calls nonstop until they leave. I try to keep a brave face but again it really ruins the dinner for me.
At this point I have told her how actions like these makes me feel uneasy and prevents me from enjoying life. I told her I need her to trust me. I told her that I won’t have it anymore. And if anything the idea that she doesn’t trust me around 3 people she knows well with a 4th stranger while she’s at a pool party in bikini in Vegas just seems so hypocritical it makes me ever more frustrated.
In her defense: - Her dad cheated multiple times while she was growing up. I understand this makes it excruciatingly difficult to trust a partner. - She started seeing a therapist ~8 months ago. - She now takes medication for her anxiety. - She now has told her mom and sister about her trust issues for the first time in her life. - She began attending codependency meetings regularly. - She says she doesn’t want me to limit my life just for me to communicate better what I’m doing (I think it’s really possible that I’m bad at communicating, because to me this request feels like it comes from a lack of trust).
She is putting in immense effort, but I just feel like I can’t do this anymore. Even when things are good I’m worried that she’s going to explode and that prevents me from enjoying the good times too. I love her and she’s amazing in many ways, but I don’t like feeling responsible for her suffering. I know that by trying to end things she’s going to suffer so much and she’ll beg me to give her another chance. I don’t want to but in those moments I feel like she’s the rational version of herself and that maybe she’ll never explode again. Can I solve my relationship with her? Is it time to leave? Is it fair to leave when she is putting in so much effort? How do I find the courage to go through with it?
Thanks so much in advance, and I’m sorry for such a lengthy post.
TL;DR: I’m I overly sensitive, can this relationship be fixed, or is it time to breakup? Is it fair to breakup if the other person is putting so much effort in?

I'm looking for a writing app, similar to word, that will allow me to write hangul and spell check it.
I've tried using word (by switching the keyboard to hangul), but it doesn't spell check and when I use the scribble pen it ends up registering what I'm writing before I've completed writing the word. And a lot of times it does register the correct letter either, like it'll change 로 into 고 a lot.
All the hangul specific apps I've found seem to focus only on the hangul alphabet, which is great. But I want to start recalling my vocab and this is an excellent method for me that worked well when I was studying french.

TW // Sexual abuse and child abuse
Recently I(23m) was at a bar with friends, men and women, who I trust very much. or at least I did, when in the middle my friend brought over two women I didnt know who were very drunk, and it scared me.
For context, I have a history with sexual abuse, my mother and sister both assaulted me from the ages of 8-15. Things I won’t get really into but it was more than just touching me. My sister was 19 and my mother was 37, they were both heavy drinkers and would blame it on the bottle. This ended when I was 15 when they stopped for some reason. The next time I was assaulted was by some classmates at my high school prom, when 3 girls my age did similar things to me.
I’ve only told my friends about this, and I’m not in contact with my mother and very rarely text my sister. When the women arrived I didn’t notice them until they started talking to me first at the same time. I found my head shaking and my breathing speeding up. I told my friends I was going out for a smoke and then just decided to walk home to my partners house, where I stayed the night. The next morning she made me my favorite breakfast, French toast with French press coffee and a cigarette. With clarity I no longer felt bad for leaving, and when talking to my partner, she pointed out that it was weird that they came to talk to me first. We talked for about half an hour.
I checked my phone and I had numerous texts from friends about where I was, I messaged my friends that invited the women and told them I felt uncomfortable and left. They proceeded to call me child an major dickhead for not getting over it for one night. And that they “gave me a chance to grow up and get over my failed sex stories.” Now I might be the butthole for this but I told them to fuck off, and that I should’ve slashed their tires when I left. I said a lot more to them and screenshotted the texts and sent them to my other friends. I turned my phone on airplane mode where it’s been for 2 days. I’m going to turn my phone back on in a few hours and I’m scared I might loose all my friends. Am I the butthole.

Throwaway because some of the people in this story know my real reddit.
I (25M) am married. My wife (28F) and I are separated, and will probably, eventually, divorce. She lives in the Midwest, I live in New York. She's close (geographically) to her parents, I'm an immigrant and all the people I love live so far away they may as well be on the moon. My likely soon-to-be ex-wife and I have a decently good relationship - there wasn't any big fighting before the split. She just didn't like me anymore. According to herself, she still cares a lot about me and wants to see me do well and be happy. She wants us to remain friends, but plainly I don't fucking want to. It makes me violently sick to my stomach to imagine myself bearing witness to the woman I loved getting together with some other dude, no matter how much she says she "doesn't think about it in terms of betteworse, just 'right' for her". This is important context.
I have a good career making alright money (enough to live on, at least - not many luxuries) in probably the most prestigious institution of its kind in the US. I graduated from a meh university in a field I never intended to work in. I'm not anything special at my job, just an office drone that occasionally plans events for my section of the company, but it's a hell of a thing to put on a resume. I don't have many friends here in NY outside of my cubicle buddy - lots of acquaintances that I make at the bar every time I go, because people love me when I'm wasted and funny, but nobody that stuck around after I stopped drinking for fitness reasons. I live in a tiny bedroom in an apartment shared with 4 people. I don't go out to save money. I occasionally engage with my hobby, which is scale models of military stuff, but lately I've had little will to do so. I spend close to 1/4 of my salary on a personal trainer, because I can't get the idea out of my head that my ex dumped me for not being hot enough, and I spend two hours every morning before work and three hours on Saturday at the gym, which is basically my main hobby right now. All this is to say, I'm a vain boring guy with no friends stuck in a shitty office job.
I wasn't like this when I was younger. I went to every party back in my hometown. Every time I visited on Spring Break or Summer people would fall over themselves to invite me to parties, when I left for college at 18 something like 200 people got together to burn an effigy of me as a big joke farewell. I was somebody. Every time I used to talk about this to my STB ex, she would get this look on her face like I was telling her I used to do heroin and crack. She's very proper, very ladylike, very respectable. I used to do keg-stands and break into abandoned water parks to smoke weed and graffiti the walls. I also come from a respectable family, so I had triple pressure between my parents and my sister and her to become an upstanding member of society. So now I don't do any of the shit that used to make me happy, and I'm no longer with the person who used to make me happy. It's not even like I can go back to doing that, either - my alcohol tolerance plummeted, I get bad hangovers since I turned 23, and I just don't really *feel* like it anymore.
My best friend back home and I were military otaku. We were always going off about how we'd join the French Foreign Legion together, or the Spanish Legion, or whatever mercenary army would take us. Back then I was out of shape so it was a pie in the sky dream, literally teenage bullshit. My best friend recently lost his long term girlfriend to leukemia, and he called me to tell me he's going to go enlist in the Spanish Legion. I knew he was telling me because he wants me to go with him. The way I am now I could absolutely crush the physical portion of enlistment and being that I have no criminal record and a college degree, the other requirements are taken care of. Absolute worst case scenario, this being the military, I get shot or blown up and die or end up disabled. Best case scenario, I survive the tour and get to live in Spain, with a nice climate, people of a familiar and less friendless culture, and lots of cultural things I like to do. Compared to here, even if I have no friends over there, I could at least go watch my favorite football team play on a regular basis.
Every time I've told my family that I want to go back home, they freak out, because they think I have the perfect life, making shitloads of money working in a super-prestigious office, helping the needy, in the "world capital", so I know that if they found out that I ditched all of that to go march around in tight green pants for a flag that isn't even mine they'd likely disown me. My stb ex-wife also would probably freak out. They all think I have such a great life, that this was all a great opportunity and that I'm living the dream, and yet I'm miserable and lonely and literally purposeless. I just wake up every Monday and go put in a shift at a place I couldn't give less of a shit about and go home to do nothing except play FIFA and chat with my guys on Discord. If I just fucking die over there, I don't have to see my ex build her life without me. I thought Midwest-New York would be enough miles. It isn't. If I leave, I would just get rid of all my devices and tell my friends back home to tell my sister, who would probably filter it to everyone. I want to just disappear and be unreachable so I don't have to hear about their happy lives ever again.
Would I be the asshole if I ditch this supposedly perfect life to follow my friend into the military of a country that isn't ours in a completely different continent? Would I be the asshole for rejecting the "opportunity" to live the way I live?

Not sure if I am cut out to be a med spouse.
We have been together dating now for almost 3 years. Me (30F) and him (27M). When we started dating he has always told me one of his goals was to get into med school. We didn’t know for sure if it was going to happen and this was his second time applying as the first round he tried, he didn’t get accepted into any schools. About a year and a half into dating, he got accepted into a med school within our state but 3 and a half hours away from home. We were living together when he got accepted and we talked about if I was moving with him or do LDR. I also have a now 9 yr old son so making the decision to uproot his life also was very hard for me. I also had my mom back at home to help me with my son and if I moved I would have no support system with my son. I did sit down and talked to my son to be sure he would understand to most of his ability if he would be okay with the possibility of moving and all the changes that came with it and to my surprise was very excited to maybe move to a new city. I also had my job, where I had work at for almost 7 years and leaving my job was also extremely hard for me as I was very happy at my job. I developed a lot of relationships with my customers that I had bonded and built trust with within those years in my field. I was very leaning towards trying to do LDR his first year of school and then move once he was more established at school. As the date got closer to making a final decision, I want to say he basically gave me a ultimatum of if we did long distance he didn’t think out relationship would work. He has never been in a long distance relationship before and neither had I but I was willing to put in the work and I reassured him that we could make it work but in his mind he didn’t think it would work because “he would constantly be worried about me”. I asked for a promise ring as I was uprooting my whole life and I just needed a reassurance for him to make this big move and he said no bc I just needed to trust his words. I was scared to put an end to our relationship so I decided to move with my son to support his dreams. I was very well aware that a lot of the responsibilities of supporting him would lean on me but prior moving he told me we would split rent 50/50 as he would be living off of his loans. He would help me when he could with house chores and with my son as needed.
I thrive off living life with a routine and communication of how our weeks will go. As soon as school started for him as much as I asked for his weekly class schedule there was always some excuse as to why “he forgot to send it to me”. I needed his schedule to plan accordingly as I was about to start a new job and needed to figure out how I was gonna make it work with my son’s school schedule also. We’ve had a lot issues right off the bat starting med school. He likes to go out and so every chance he to “celebrate” after an exam he would be out with classmates. I would stay home bc obviously I have my son and I also work the next day. I don’t mind him going out at all but its more about how he still barely made time to do anything with me like go out for a dinner date after an exam or just do something fun together. His immediate thought was to go out drinking with friends. Making me feel that he was putting these “new friends” before me.
But long story short because I think my rant is long enough. My bf is finishing his 1st year of med school. He has failed exams and had to retest a couple times and I have seen him fall into depressive episodes and just shut down. I try to be supportive and let him go thru it until he is ready to talk but I can’t say its has been easy for me when he is moody, grumpy and mean towards me a long the way. He gets mean with my son too when my son is being “too loud” for him. I clean I cook I do laundry basically do 90% of everything around the house. He will every couple of weeks maybe do something around the house. I guess most of the times I don’t feel appreciated. I cook after a 10hrs day of work and I don’t get a thank you and on the rare occasion “wow that was a good meal” and I only know he enjoys my food if he ask for seconds. I buy groceries and I would have to basically beg him to come out and help me bring them in to the point where I don’t ask anymore and he just bought me a wagon I guess so I don’t struggle too much carrying all the bags in. Ive expressed several times that I also work 10-11 hrs/day at work that I need a little help too and I don’t feel like I ask for a lot. He doesn’t know how to cook so I never ask him to cook. I clean the house every week. All I ask for is maybe dishes to get wash and just heavy lifting things that maybe I don’t have the strength for and trash to be taken out. I really try my best to make life easier for him while he is doing school but I also remind I am not his mom as he is also a mamas boy and his mom did everything for him even as an adult . He is very coddled by his parents.
I get home sick all the time. When we first moved, I went back home to visit once a month the first semester. Sometimes we were able to go all together but sometimes his schedule wouldn’t work with mine and I would have to go by myself and that was fine but I noticed when I would go by myself he would always find a reason to fight and make that time period that I was back at home miserable. For example my last visit back home was Spring break and I went on a girls trip to another state and back home to visit. At first he was fine when I left but when I was on vacation, he was being short with his texts and just by the way he was texting I knew something was wrong or he was mad. I asked him on my trip if he was mad I got to travel and he took it super personal and just stopped texting me. When I got back from my trip I was in my home town and he finally told me he was upset that I was on a trip on the same week his spring break was. Prior to all of this he knew my girls trips was planned months in advance. I had told him prior to me leaving he could drive back home and we could spend a few days together after my trip together and he refused and I think he was just trying to be difficult bc I didnt invite him on my trip, but WHY would I do that when it was specifically a trip for girls. So he told me I was extremely inconsiderate for going on that trip. So theres that..
We almost broke up after that but we tried to fix things. Fast forward to now I started having a gut feeling as something was off bc he barely wants intimacy anymore and I get it. We are both tired from our day to day. I never want anything anymore bc everything feels rushed and just to make him feel good and then he has to be done quick bc he has to go back to studying. One day recently I went thru his phone and found out he has been texting a girl through a fake number app. They don’t talk consistently but the intentions are there. Doesn’t seem like anything physical has happened but he definitely is trying constantly to meet up with her some day, he just hasn’t bc he has no time bc of school. I haven’t said anything out of consideration that he was going thru finals for end of year. I will admit I have been a little checked out mentally but this was just the icing on the cake bc I have been nothing but supportive to be cheated on. I think I am just numb to everything bc I can’t tell if I’m mad or sad or just relived that maybe this is my sign to go back home. Ive lost almost over 20 lbs since moving bc I dont barely eat just when Im home. My hair is starting to fall out more and I can’t tell if its stress. I guess from all of this I think you can kinda tell what I’m going thru. I have no friends here and its hard to hold this all in and have no one to talk to. My friends back home just tells me to come back already and that he doesn’t deserve me. I just didn’t really think this would be happening but I guess better now then later. I could go on and on about amongst other stuff but I’ll leave at this.
Thank you for reading my rant if you got this far. I know my writing is all over the place.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/JazzlikeOriginal358. They posted in AmItheAsshole
Trigger Warning: discussions of transphobia
Mood Spoiler: moving in a positive direction
Original Post: March 22, 2024
I'm having a bit of family drama and need a reality check about if I am being unreasonable here. I really need the perspective of LGBT+ sensitive individuals because the drama surrounds transphobia perpetrated by JK Rowling.
My step daughter is going through a pretty tough time. The last couple years have been really rough on her. She has been dealing with bullying at school, being held back a year, not getting along with her mom's new husband, self harm and identity issues. Lots of questioning of her sexuality and gender. (We have been working on getting her a good mental health team of doctors and therapists to help her navigate all of this, please know we aren't throwing her to the wolves or internet to deal with it all herself).
I've been in her life since she was 7. We've always had a pretty good, though not terribly close, relationship. I have not taken on a parental role, but have always tried to make myself available for her.
Until last year, her mom had primary custody and her dad had weekends with alternating holidays. Last year due to the issues with her school and mom's house, my stepdaughter requested that custody arrangements be changed.
Since she came to live with my husband and I full time, there has been quite a bit of friction between the two of us. One of the biggest points of contention is my Harry Potter fandom, particularly "The Bookcase", and my supposed transphobia (due to my apparently "wrong" stance when it comes to the politics regarding trans issues in our country)
I grew up in the hayday. So many of my childhood and teen memories are tied to the franchise. My friends and I were all really into it. We attend midnight book releases, dressed up in costume for movie releases, threw HP themed parties when we wanted to hang out, etc. In many ways it shaped the course of my entire life, those same friends and I joined our high school's botany club because herbology. That unlocked a lifelong passion of mine and my career is working with plants.
Over the years I've collected quite a bit of memorabilia, many of which are gifts, and they have always been displayed on my most prized possession. A monstrously large custom bookcase my grandfather, a former woodworker, built for me when I was a teenager. I love this thing. The shelves are live edge black walnut slabs. All around the casing my grandpa carved beautiful HP themed imagery. Owls, cauldrons, shooting stars, lightning bolts, an adorable little rat at the bottom and nibble marks from said rat, etc. It's both sentimental and valuable (the slabs of walnut for the shelves alone would be pushing a grand, let alone attempting to value the hand carved craftmanship). The bookcase has always been proudly displayed in my home. It currently lives in our living room.
During one of our family therapy sessions, my stepdaughter expressed that seeing my HP shelf made her feel really uncomfortable because of the author and that she was really disappointed in me and her father for being so supportive of a biggot. I apologized for making her feel uncomfortable in her own home, and said that I would take down the HP stuff.
So I packed up all the HP themed merch off the shelves. Made sure I didn't have the books or anything on display that said "Harry Potter" anywhere. I bought some LED grow lights and converted the bookcase into a plant shelf to display succulents. I bought some witchy, but not overtly harry potter, themed pots for the little guys so they'd go with the shelf.
This was not an acceptable compromise for my stepdaughter and has remained a point of contention. With my stepdaughter hurling that I/we (referring to my husband) broke a promise by saying we would get rid of the Harry Potter stuff. I tried to explain to my stepdaughter that, while I do not agree with JK Rowling's political stance at all, the media has a special place in my heart because of my childhood association with it and that the shelf was very important to me because it was a gift from my grandpa, but she maintains that none of that should matter because in 2024 it is nothing but a symbol of transphobia and hate.
At first my husband was supportive of me and my desire to keep my bookcase, but lately the arguments are wearing on him and he asked me if I would reconsider keeping it in the living room. Suggesting we rent a storage unit to house it in.
After the most recent blow up about it, I kinda lost my temper. I didn't yell or anything, but I did very firmly tell my stepdaughter that this is my home and my bookshelf stays. If it is such a big problem for her, she can always go back to live with her mother.
I knew it was a low blow pretty much as soon as I said it. I quickly apologized but it was out there. My stepdaughter has been on an emotional downward spiral.
My husband and I have been arguing almost nonstop. I think it is mostly stress because he is at his wits end with how to help his daughter but he is becoming pretty mean and nasty towards me. Telling me to "grow up and just get rid of the fucking bookcase"
I know I was a dick for saying my stepdaughter could always go back to live with her mom (and I suspect that will be the main topic at hand in our next family therapy session).
But am I really being unreasonable in wanting to keep my beloved bookcase?
EDIT: Thank you everyone. Honestly. Thank you for those who shared their insight and advice and thank you to the people who have asked me hard questions that made me think. Especially those who asked what matters more, a bookcase or a/my child?
I've been reflecting really hard on what my bookcase means to me an why it is so important. I'm hitting some deep truths I don't think I was ready to recognize about how I really feel about my relationship with my step daughter.
All in all I think we just need to shelf things until our next therapy session. (I'll see myself out...)
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Can you temporarily put it in storage until she’s off to college, then take it back out? That way it will be safe, and everyone can take a deep breath and calm down a little.

OOP: I looked into storage units when my husband suggested it, for the size and climate/humidity control we would need it would cost us approximately $7,500 to store my shelf until she goes to college.
It's cost prohibitive.

Commenter: Why can't you just move the bookcase into the primary bedroom?

OOP: It's 7' x 4' x 1', made of solid wood, and we have a L shaped stair case.
The only way it is going upstairs is if it is completely dismantled and rebuilt. I don't have the skills, knowledge or tools to do that and hiring out a task like that is cost prohibitive especially because it would have to be done again when moving the bookcase back out.

Commenter: NTA. You need to put that bookcase in a room with locks, because your husband is going sell it or damage it.

OOP: My husband isn't an emotionally unstable monster. I don't believe he would ever do anything like that to me. I wouldn't have married him if he was that kind of person.
(to another commenter): I have absolutely zero concern about my husband doing anything to it. He isn't that kind of person. He is incredibly stressed out about all of this and has said shitty things in anger but this isn't some tv show where he and my stepdaughter are going to have daddy and daughter bonding time with a sledge hammer.

Commenter: I think he was just frustrated and worried about his daughter. Hopefully you can talk it out with him and he will apologize for the "grow up" comment.

OOP: That is my impression in regards to him too.
I can't imagine how hard it must be to see your child suffering and not being able to fix that pain.
I've been doing my best to give him grace due to the circumstances.
It is something we will address when he has the spoons to do so.

Commenter: One question: who owns or rents the house you are living in? If it is yours you can suggest that your husband move out and get a place of his own to his daughter liking

OOP: My husband and I purchased it together. We are both on the mortgage.

Commenter: Then time to figure out who stays, who goes, and how the equity...if any...is split.

OOP: I don't intend to divorce my husband and throw away a decade plus long relationship because he said one shitty thing to me during a period of great stress for him.

Commenter: If he destroys the bookcase to show solidarity with his daughter, what will you do?

OOP: Have him pink slipped.
That is not the action of a reasonable adult. I would be very concerned for his mental state.

Commenter: I wonder if she made similar unreasonable demands in her mother’s home or at school that lead you to the conflict there?

OOP: Part of the issues with her homelife with her mother involved my step daughter demanding that her mother choose between her now husband and her because mom's husband's political views.
So, this isn't exactly left field behavior.

Commenter: Your stepdaughter needs a massive reality check and probably different therapists.

OOP: oof. We are on our 5th

More on therapy:

Yes. She meets with a psychiatrist as well as her therapists.
(to a different commenter) We are in family counseling already. Couple's counseling is likely to happen if there isn't a resolution to this current bookcase issue in the very near future.

Commenter: Info needed: what is your ‘wrong stance’ when it comes to trans issues?

OOP: I'm kinda middle of the road when it comes to the trans political issues, and mostly take the stance of "I don't know, I have my own feelings about the issues but as it is not my area of expertise I am not beholden to them and I will leave these big problems up to the people who have made learning about them their focus of study"
Like, I get my feathers ruffled when medically uneducated politicians try to interfere with any kind of health care. Like seriously ruffled.
I believe that people facing gender identity issues should have free and easy access to health care and therapy to navigate those issues.
I believe that society in general should strive to use preferred pronouns if only as a matter of politeness.
But when it comes to things like trans people in sports or having afab only "safe spaces" - I see both sides of the argument and refer back to my "I think this should be left up to the people who focus on this and not form a super strong opinion either way based on my lay opinion"

OOP is voted NTA
Update Post: May 12, 2024 (1.5 months later)
Some one asked if I could update this situation, and I'll try my best to summarize the past several weeks.
My husband and I spoke about the situation. He apologized for being snappish with me, and agreed that SD was being unreasonable about the bookcase. He ultimately agreed to back me about it. He and I are just as tight as we ever have been.
I once again apologized to my SD for the remark I said out of frustration about her moving back with her mom. I reiterated that our home is her home too and she is always welcome here. That even though families sometimes fight and disagree we ARE family.
But the general argument about HP, JK Rowling, and my bookcase continued to escalate for a couple weeks. And then the discontent about that started to bleed over into complaints about me. She started to be more disrespectful and sarcastic.
During all of this we were still attending our family therapy sessions. Our therapist was pretty certain that the misbehavior was anxiety related and didn't suggest that we give in to the demands to have the bookcase removed and wanted to just keep working on the things we all have been.
Well, SD's disrespectful attitude hit a climax. She called me the c word and some other choice things within my husband's ear shot. My husband honestly kinda lost it on her. I don't think I have EVER seen him that angry before. He was bright red and vein popping angry as he marched her to her room and declared "YOU WILL NOT SPEAK TO MY WIFE IN SUCH A WAY".
This was probably the first time my SD had ever seen her dad angry, let alone anger directed at her. It left her pretty shook. Like that was her rock bottom. We ended up needing to do a couple emergency session with her counselor because there was concern about her relapsing with some self-destructive issues she has been working on.
But that incident lead to us having a break through. Her counselor invited my husband and I into one of her sessions, and she had a bit of a break down. Basically she was dealing with a lot of existential dread and a lot of fear due to politics and it being an election year.
That ended up being an excellent opening for us to bond. This is gonna sound silly but I was able to pull up my social media timelines back from 2016 and I showed her some of the things I had written or had shared with me back then.
She was able to see that I shared a lot of the same fears that she has.
So we have all had some really big talks about things like feeling helpless when things are out of your control, about disengaging from the media machine for your own mental health, etc.
Things have been on the upswing since then. Before she left for her mom's this past weekend she even gave me a mother's day gift. An adorable little planter that says Caution: Mandrakes.
I love it. I put one of my favorite props in it and it is front and center on the bookcase now.
Relevant Comments:
To a downvoted commenter:

your continued support of JK Rowling through fandom will likely be an issue for other LGBT people in your life

The only other LGBT person in my life sent me bertie botts every flavor beans in my christmas package this past year...
Commenter: This poor girl is terrified of being kicked out from another set of abusive parents and is forcing herself to buy merchandise to support someone who wants her dead to make her stepparent happy. This update is horrifying, for real.

OOP: Hope you stretched before this reach.
SD was not kicked out of her mom's home. That was a choice she made. She is in no danger of being kicked out of our home either.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Direct-Armadillo-770
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH if I don’t go to my sister’s wedding because she is excluding my husband?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: verbal abuse, ableism
Original Post: May 11, 2024
I (F , 36) have been married to my husband Brad (M , 40) for the last 6 years. I have a daughter (F,10) from a previous relationship (we were engaged when he abandoned me when I was pregnant to be with his coworker and eventually disappeared).
Brad loves and adores my daughter and my daughter loves him so much . I’m currently pregnant with our first baby (my second baby) . Brad is a paraplegic. He was in a car accident when he was 21. He has since his accident went back to school and currently works as university prof . He is super independent and possibly the best man I could ever married .
My sister is getting married and today she announced that the venue she picked is a heritage building . I told her then it won’t be wheelchair accessible… she rolled her eyes and said “the world doesn’t revolves around Brad , it’s not his day ! It’s mine” . I said I understand but I’m not leaving him behind then . She started screaming that I’m trying to steal attention because everyone will ask where is bride’s sister . Her fiancé suggested having the ceremony at the heritage building but have the reception at another venue that way Brad can join us . My sister said no .
I talked to Brad , he thinks I should go and he and my daughter can have daddy /daughter date and he will take care of her (it’s a child free wedding and we were initially going to ask Brad’s mom to watch my daughter) . He thinks it’s not a big deal and I should just go and enjoy the wedding . I feel very bad and don’t want to go but my sister will be so upset . AITAH if I don’t go to my sister’s wedding because she is excluding my husband ?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
Still_Actuator_8316: Do what feels right to you.
I can see you love your husband very much. And you have every right to be mad that your sister wants to exclude him.
And serious. How hard is it to rent a temporary ramp to be put in place so he can go. But since I don't know the stair situation I can give a pass about that. But there are options

OOP: It’s an old heritage building with lots of stairs unfortunately. I feel really bad for my husband tbh

bluefurniture: I like the idea of the Dad and daughter day. Are you in the wedding party? How does the heritage building get away with skirting ADA laws.? Your sister is awful and at least the fiance is empathetic. don't be surprised if there is no wedding.

OOP: I’m not in the wedding party . Sadly it’s 2024 and we still don’t have something like ADA in Canada . Since it’s a heritage building they don’t care about accessibility. Yes , my husband once a month has a daddy/daughter date . They go to different restaurants each time and do any activities she chooses :)

Great-Asparagus8788: As a Mom of a Differently Abled Daughter- I have to say #1 your sister didn't turn overnight. She's been enabled in her ROTTEN behavior her whole life. Your parents should be ashamed. Your Hubs sounds awesome though! You don't have to ask permission to turn your back on a dumpster fire. Point out it's on fire and the privledge of you ,your husband and their grandbabies presence will be restored when the fire is out. And then leave.

OOP: My parents pay for my sister’s big wedding . They did pay for my at home reception when we eloped as well ( they invited everyone ( about 14 people ) to a restaurant ). I talked to them . They said they do love Brad but it’s my sister’s day and they can’t force her to change her mind . Yes I’m disappointed at them . I just don’t understand how you can claim you respect someone yet tell him to stay home ! You are not welcome …my husband is used to not being included so he is okay . I just can’t get over it

 
Update: May 12, 2024
My post : https://www.reddit.com/AITAH/comments/1cpuqyy/aitah_if_i_dont_go_to_my_sisters_wedding_because/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
. Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice.
It’s Mother’s Day today and of course my husband and my daughter decided to spoil me rotten :) we went for Mother’s Day lunch to my parents. My sister and her fiancé, Bob (his name is Babak , he is Iranian but everyone calls him Bob) came too.
Brad , Bob and my dad were in the backyard Bbqing and chatting . My mom and my sister were in the kitchen talking . My sister went on and on about her wedding plans . I asked her if there is any possibility that she would consider Bob’s suggestion? She can have her civil ceremony , Iranian ceremony , and all her pictures done in her dream venue then have the reception which is just dinner , dance and cake somewhere else . I told her it means alot to me if she makes this accommodation for Brad.
My sister LOST it! Started screaming that I have always been jealous of her and now trying to ruin her dream wedding . She said I’m jealous because I never had a big wedding and had to elope because I had a kid out of wedlock (I didn’t have to ! It was our decision to have a stress free elopement). She also said it was my choice to marry “a cripple” guy so why should her wedding plans has to change . My mom told her to stop but she kept on going . I told her then I’m not coming . I told Brad and my daughter that we were leaving . I couldn’t stay there anymore . Her entitlement sickens me .
Now my parents are mad at me for even suggesting because “your sister is under stress”. My dad thinks I acted immature by leaving and mom says I overreacted because I’m pregnant and hormonal ! I’m so disappointed at my parents too for not standing up to my sister . My plan is to go NC with my sister. I don’t even know who she is anymore . So no happy update . I just cut my sister out of my life and will NOT be going to her wedding. Sorry for typos I’m very emotional right now
Comments
RNGinx3: SaveBob
Your sister is a jerk, and your parents enable and excuse her tantrums. I'd put sister on NC and parents on LC.
Swampy_63: Let them be mad. Their loss.
Your sister has shown exactly who she is. Bubbye.
Hopefully your parents will come to their senses and understand why you’re not going.
captainhyena12: Wow insult your husband calls him a cripple take shots at both you and your child for the child being born out of wedlock and then your parents have the audacity to tell you you're overreacting because you left what? How the hell does someone even have that much? Audacity and this is coming from me. Someone who admittedly at times has way too much audacity.
 

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