Is chase utley still married

How can I ever get over this pathetic envy?

So, I (30F) have been hanging out 1 on 1 with a past coworker (36M) after I left the company. While I worked there I always felt we had chemistry and good banter but during a happy hour with me (in a long term relationship at the time) and another female coworker (who was happily married), we drank alot and he came off as very flirtatious to the both of us (1 too many compliments with disclaimers like our partners are lucky, etc) and it was a little uncomfortable so I've been cautious about him since then.
Fast forward some months later, I've left my job and bonded with him over a strong mutual interest that many of my friends do not share. The 2 of us have hung out a few times and he made it explicit the first time we hung out that it was platonic. Eventhough he said this, I still felt chemistry and there were subtle signs that he may like me (prolonged eye contact, a lot of teasing, lower back touch to guide me in specific situations, paying for most outings despite me insisting that we split the costs, meet ups are only the 2 of us, etc). I wasn't sure if he liked me or if it was in my head so I poked the bear and called him a true friend the day before meeting up.
I felt something slightly off when we first met up but wasnt sure if it was cuz of the text the day before or me being super late. We did fall back into rhythm and there was a moment when he was about to say something but stopped himself. It took the rest of the night of me bringing it back up until he gave in and said it. Essentially, he does have romantic feelings but was trying not to voice them to avoid making things weird since we do have a lot of fun hanging out. Plus, when we started hanging out, I was in the last year of my long-term relationship. He was caught off guard by the true friend text which might've been the trigger to him saying something that clearly meant romantic interest.
I'm honestly not interested in dating for the next few months for various reasons and I told him as much but I also did say that I have fun with him and am waiting for something to happen in August before going back into the dating scene. He said he wont rush me and we can hang out platonically as always if neither of us are weird about it.
So my dilemma(?), is that idk how I feel about the idea of dating him. Like fuck, I do think I'm smitten and, I was even a bit extra flirtatious in the last outing to bring back ambiguity since I didnt want him to take the true friend text as me defining our relationship as nothing more than a platonic friendship. We always have fun, but he isnt my usual type. My dating mantra is to never date friends since friendships generally outlast romantic relationships, but this guy is in the gray area of becoming friends and I havent mixed him into my social group. I dont find him physically attractive but I dont find him physically unattractive either. Part of me feels that I can do better. My old team joked about the idea of us dating and the coworker who knew me the best said it wouldnt work cuz he would be too high energy for me. Then there's also the happy hour incident, he's been wanting to do another happy hour and my past coworker (she is now my friend and we hang out a bit) never responds and when I asked she noted feeling uncomfortable with how flirty he came off during our last happy hour. He's also divorced but he adores his kid and I've never heard him bad talk his ex.
I come from a dysfunctional family with toxic, cheating, abusive relationships and no good father figure. I've only ever been in 2 long-term relationships and my partners were parasitic. I don't know whats a flaw and what's a red flag. I've been gradually getting better with my low self-esteem and low self-confidence issues. The friends with good relationships feel a little alien to me and aren't my closest friends. It's not the first time I've felt chemistry with a friend while I was getting to know them but it was never acted upon because we were part of a friend group and I didn't want to ruin a growing friendship nor the friend group dynamic.
Am I overthinking this? When we were getting to know each other he said he has a people pleaser problem that tends to come off as flirtatious but does that justify the discomfort my coworker and I felt? Is he actually just a flirt and never cared to be my friend? Are my doubts justified? Or is he actually just a decent guy wanting to get to know me more? Am I being shallow with some of my doubts?

I've just finished a full rewatch of the Viz dub including the movies and specials, having watched a mix of the OG English dub + some of the sub as a child, but never in order all the way through. Here is my review no one asked for:
Classic: Great intro to the characters, loved it when the plot was somewhat moving, and the relationship between the guardians was really well developed. I found the Jadeite/Nephrite arcs really dragged at points, however once the Rainbow Crystal arc rolled around things really get going. I wish we could have seen a bit more flirtation/romance between Mamoru and Usagi. The finale was simply stunning and emotional, bringing me to tears.
Favourite filler episode: "Love and Chased: Luna's Worst Day Ever"
Favourite plot episode: "The Shining Silver Crystal: The Moon Princess Appears"
Special mention: "Usagi's Eternal Wish: A Brand New Life"
Sailor Moon R: I quite enjoyed the Makai Tree arc, however as above I found it a bit of a missed opportunity with Mamoru/Usagi and romance. Once again, the beginning of the season was overall a bit rough. And Chibiusa... while her behaviour was understandable it wasn't enjoyable to watch. And the less said about the break-up arc the better. The Black Moon Clan were pretty cool though, and Chibiusa definitely improved as the season went on.
Favourite filler episode: "Venus Minako's Nurse Mayhem"
Favourite plot episode: "Saphir Dies: Wiseman's Trap"
Special mention: "Usagi's Crisis: The Tiara Stops Working"
Sailor Moon S: I mean what can I say that hasn't been said before? The peak of the series - from the first episode you feel the raised stakes and improved production values. The Outer Senshi steal every scene they're in, the pure heart crystals format adds an emotional character driven layer to even the monster of the week episodes. The Death-Busters make hilarious but compelling villains, and the Hotaru arc is utterly captivating. Chibiusa is also handled far better - her friendship with Hotaru is her at her best.
Best filler episode: "Coldhearted Uranus: Makoto in Danger"
Best plot episode: "The Shining Shooting Star: Saturn and the Messiah"
Special mention: "The Death of Uranus and Neptune: The Talismans Appear"
Sailor Moon SuperS: Now I heard everyone hates this one, and honestly it wasn't as bad as I expected. The animation and music are gorgeous, and the slice of life comedic episodes are mostly done really well. I also love the villains, especially Fish's Eye. However I do find the focus on Chibiusa grating at times (although still better than R!) and Pegasus/Helios... eh. The worst crime for me is no Outers - why?? I really felt their absence, and I think having Hotaru aroudn could have made Chibiusa stuff a bit more compelling. Overall I enjoyed this season for what it was, but it did drag at points.
Best filler episode: "Storm of Love: Minako's Grand Two-Timing Plan"
Best plot episode: "Dreams Forever: Fill the Heavens with Light"
Special mention: "Shadow of Evil: The Trio's Last Chance"
Sailor Moon Stars: Ok, so this one was back with a bang - the Outers are back, and the stakes are higher than ever. The Nehelenia arc in this season is pretty much peak Sailor moon. Then the Galaxia arc - I enjoyed the Starlights (well I mostly enjoyed Seiya) and it was interesting to add a different dynamic to the group. Sailor Aluminium Siren and Crow were two of my overall favs, and I liked that we were back to dramatic high stakes like in S. The end was beautiful, and I may have shed a tear.
Best filler episode: "A Night Alone Together: Usagi in Danger"
Best plot episode: "Usagi's Love: The Moonlight Illuminates the Galaxy"
Special mention: "Night of Destiny: The Sailor Guardians' Ordeals"
I loved all of the movies and specials - the R movie and Ami's First Love are the peak of the entire series animation wise for me.
My rankings of the seasons: 1. S 2. Stars 3. Classic 4. SuperS 5. R
My rankings of the movies: 1. R 2. S 3. SuperS
So those are my thoughts! Don't know what I'm going to do with myself now - read the manga or watch Crystal?! Would love to hear all of your thoughts on the series too :)

So I’ve (19F) known that I was queer since I was 14. And I knew that I liked women but I never knew how I felt about men. I only recently realised it was comphet that I was struggling with.
My parents aren’t necessarily homophobic because my siblings have come out to them and they’ve been somewhat accepting of them, but I’ve always been the most straight passing sibling and they’ve always spoken to me about my ‘future husband’ and grandchildren. I always felt that admitting to myself that I was indeed lesbian would be something I couldn’t come back from and something that my parents would struggle with. So I’ve always left a tiny bit of room for men in my life out of the slight chance that I might be bi.
But uni has given me the chance to explore!! And after getting with a few guys, it solidified that I just do not see myself dating nor marrying a man. But I’m still struggling with that. I’m feeling a bit upset at myself because it feels as if I’m disappointing my parents.
However, I still label myself as lesbian now and ngl I feel so much better about myself!! I feel so honest with myself and I’ve started feeling the connect between my self expression and my sexuality and they’ve all just been so interlinked. All my friends know and so do my siblings who have been majorly supportive. They’ve also been reassuring me that when the time comes, we will deal with the adults in our family. It is not something I have to stress about yet because I’m not in any relationship. All my siblings, cousins and friends constantly remind me to enjoy the freedom that I have in uni and away from my parents for as long as I can and that has definitely helped me feel so much better about myself!
I guess I just wanted to share this on here for anyone who might be having similar struggles. I’m just so excited about my own journey this year because I just feel so - for the lack of a better word rn - “correct” just being myself and I hope anyone out there struggling with their identity can someday feel the same.
Lots of love always❤️

This is going to be all over the place and I'm not exactly looking for advice, I'm just venting.
My sister, her friend and I were drinking together on this bridge right outside our apartment we lived in at the time, as the night went on they both eventually got into an argument because my sister felt like he wasn't being a genuine friend due to his lack of loyalty and communication with her. They talked things out a bit and they eventually made up. Although when we all agreed to go back inside her next move tells me it's not really about that and something much deeper.
She was never really as open as I am to talk about her feelings or our past to eachother, she would only be brief most of the time. I should mention she is older than me so she remembers more about our parents than I do. They were alcoholics, neglectful and were in an abusive relationship. Making us believe we were more poor than we really were for years to feed their addiction, that's something they will never admit to. A forgotten memory of mine was that my mom used to lock us in our room all day so she could bring people over and drink. Strangely my mom was actually the one to bring that up to me but then justified it by saying she was protecting us. If I were to bring it up today she'll completely deny she ever said that or it happened. Anyway, it brought back other memories during that time period. The times we were let out of the room we would always see people or my parents fighting, my sister was completely desensitized at this point. However my mom also told me that my dad chased her through the house and my sister was sitting in the hallway and he kicked her very hard in the chest while running after my mom and made my sister cry. I was just a baby so I don't recall this.
As we grew older my mom broke up with my dad and decided "to get better" Except we couldn't talk about anything from the past because she would go from 0-100 and get in our face or ridicule/mock us, her thought process was that she had it worse so we should be grateful. My dad on the other hand actually takes accountability, got sober because his alcoholism nearly killed him so he turned his life around, and said he was sorry to us many, many times and we kept in contact. He started a new family with my now stepmom who I get along with. My mom relapsed on and off since then but she's sober now, she gets moments of clarity here and there and expresses remorse but she'll go back to her old mindset and it's like there she is, we're back at square one.
I remember a different time that allowed me to see my sister's perspective was while we were both drinking at a park she just broke down crying to me, I couldn't really understand most of what she was saying but what I did understand was she always felt our mom favored me and she was mean to her. My mom was sick in the head like that she would try to pin us against eachother because we were very close. My mom would tell my sister I was holding her back, talk about my ugly smile etc. Then she would come to me to talk about what she didn't like about my sister. It all came out during a petty argument my sister and I had, it was then we realized what she was doing but still didn't confront my mom. She probably did that out of fear of us seeing her for what she truly is so that was her attempt at trying to keep it swept under the rug.
Now that I shared the details, I think my sister was miserable and done with life and everyone in it always disappointing her one way or another. During this time my mom was drinking again, she knew my mom would never get better even if she got sober because of her mentality, she's just too broken. So she thought the only way out was to jump, I ran back to the apartment and told my mom what happened, her first words were "Fuck sakes" in an annoyed tone like it was a minor inconvenience. That still makes me mad to this day. Thankfully my sister survived the fall, but instead of my mom changing her attitude towards my sister she kept repeatedly lecturing her that she's lucky to be alive, and gossiping to some family members saying that my sister was just being competitive? That's the thing with her she thinks everyone is competing with her and no one can be as traumatized as she is. Then would also just be on her fucking phone like it was another normal day, I'm positive she enjoyed everyone's pity she was getting on Facebook. What also hurt me was my sister sided with my mom, she was probably embarrassed because she made that decision while intoxicated but I believe it was something more than that. Not everyone who's depressed just jumps off a bridge like that, and I hate that my mom brainwashed her.
Unfortunately it wasn't too long until my sister was back in the hospital because of a heart infection. I felt at this point she just stopped trying altogether. She was so detached from everything. She passed in 2019, I promised to take care of her cat Jasper for her. And I can't even do that in peace because my mom ended up abusing Jasper multiple times, she hung him out the window and found it funny, we lived on the top floor of our apartment. Even made fun of my sister's swollen body in the hospital saying she looks like a queen ant. Seriously what is wrong with her?
Sometime in 2023 we visited our hometown to visit our family members. My dad lives on the reservation so took this opportunity to drive to town and come see me, we spent time together then we both agreed to visit the places that my sister and I went to, including the bridge. Seeing that bridge again brought back all my memories and emotions, the anger I felt towards my mom came back even stronger, but also made me depressed, because I try to detach myself from that part of my life like as if it didn't happen because it's easier that way so seeing it in front of my face was rough. I remember when I told my mom, yeah, I did see the bridge. I couldn't hold in my angry expression and had an urge to face her to say it, and of course she hasn't changed at all as she thinks it was nothing more than teenagers drinking. Sometimes this cycle of obsessively dwelling in the past makes me think I hate my mom, but then it's like who am I kidding? That's not who I am. I still love her. I just feel lost without my sister and I feel hopeless, I'm angry at everyone for moving on so quickly, I'm angry at the world, I feel like I don't have that connection with anybody else on this earth. Not my mom, not my dad, nor other family members because I'm the outcast. Dwelling in the past will be my downfall. Anyway, I should probably wrap up this post and get some sleep. I'm sleep deprived and not thinking straight right now.
If you've stuck around this far thank you for reading and keeping my sister's legacy alive. Have a good day.

I (28F) am getting married next year. In my country, the principal sponsors are the GodmotheGodfather of the couple to be wed. These roles do not have any monetary responsibility, should they decide to gift anything though is highly welcomed.
I already know whom I want to be a part of my entourage, and my Aunt (let's call her Daisy) is one of them, she and my Mom do not have a perfect relationship but she has been a constant presence in my childhood and adulthood. I always consider her a motherly figure and am close to her daughters. Her eldest is my MOH while the younger one is a BM, that's how close we all are.
Sadly, when it was time for me to invite her and tell her that I was hoping she could be a Godmother at my wedding she dismissed me by saying we'll talk about it, now, I was not surprised when she responded that way as before I messaged her, my Mom already told me the same thing. When my engagement was announced, my mom was overjoyed and started asking Aunt Daisy and their 2 other sisters to be Godmothers, the latter immediately said yes and expressed their excitement and even started joking about how they should start getting back to their "body goals" to look even better in their gowns. Aunt Daisy said no, she said she'll be (please take she'll literally) a Candle or any of the secondary sponsors' roles. When I first heard it, I felt off, Isn't it that the Bride gets to decide who's who? But still, I went ahead and asked her, fast forward, she said we'll talk about it.
I did not want to talk about it and decided that I wouldn't bother her anymore, I know everyone has the right to decline, and I respect that. She just really rubbed me the wrong way, she decided what her role would be, and two, she agreed to become a Godmother for my second cousin's wedding. I'm not jealous of that because I know they are close too. I'm just really sad that she thought she could just decide what she wants without even considering that I probably have other people at my wedding too.
I'm firm in my decision but a part of me thinks that I'm just being dramatic; am I?

First of all, I’d like to preface this story with a piece I wrote in my journal 2 months ago while still in my relationship.
Here it is:
I’m almost 30M, and wonder how you would deal with this situation?
Backstory: I didn’t have my first girlfriend or even sex until age 20. I was very sheltered when I was younger and shy. I also moved several times so never got the chance to meet girls from social circles. I had almost a 2 year long distance relationship from age 20-22 (seeing each other in person only a few times a year). Well that didn’t work out and it devastated me. I did truly love that girl and she was also my first so it took 3 years to get over.
In that time following the relationship, I slept with more than 10 people, gained experience, and eventually found another girlfriend in person at age 25. That ended at age 26, but was off and on until age 27. It ended for good reason, because it was a tumultuous relationship with a lot of fun, but also arguments. She was super attractive which made it hard to let her go even though I knew it had to be done.
Following that relationship, I yet again worked on myself, dated and slept around, and eventually met my current girlfriend midway through age 28. It was one of those situations where you start out just hanging out and eventually see each other every week… then the question of “what are we happens”… I went along with it even though my eyes were still peeled.
Well now, I’m almost 30, a few months away and I’m scared. A part of me feels like I missed a part of my youth and I’ll never find that stunner I’ve always looked for. Being sheltered all my life and not meeting anyone via social circle messes with me emotionally. I’ve dated beautiful woman, but it’s not like I can change time and go back to 25 again and date around 20 year olds… right?
I also moved to a completely different state and started a new life 2 years ago. But every day I think about my last relationship and the life I used to live in that state. “The good old days” I like to say. I have a new life now and good situation, but a part of me feels lost.
That’s what I wrote back in March. I knew I had a good situation, a very stable relationship and job, but I almost felt like I was still unfulfilled. Mostly because I never really experienced the kind of girls that truly interest me I guess? I hate to sound superficial, but if you read below it will make further sense. It wasn’t all about looks. While she was nice and sweet, she was rather boring and didn’t banter with me.
So fast forward the story to today, my recent ex broke up with me a few weeks ago. We had been dating about a year and a half.
I met her about a year and a half after that toxic relationship to a really manipulative, yet attractive girl I talked about above. This new relationship was the complete opposite, almost to the point of being cringey. She was really loving but it was almost overwhelming. She also was not as atractive as my last gf in terms of looks. Not unattractive by any means, but I certainly didn’t feel super proud walking around with her or introducing her to people. For much of the early part of meeting this new girl, I did still constantly think of the toxic ex and compare, but I was ready for something new and thought I was so far removed from the last relationship - I went along with it.
Anyway, Eventually she asked if I would be her bf at about the 3 month point after meeting. At first I was apprehensive of the idea because I wasn’t sure about committing and if I wanted to keep “searching.” I got to the point that I was done with hunting as I had tried tirelessly to find someone for over a year. She was a great girl but I wasn’t sold on a full on relationship. Instead of being excited to be official like I was in past relationships, with her I was hoping for more a fwb situation like it was the first 3 months. But I decided to go along with it. I told her I still wanted to be able to approach or work on social skills with other girls even if just plutonicly. I didn’t do that and did commit. Fast forward another several months and the I love you statement came up. I wasn’t entirely sure about how I felt but I again went along with it, even though I didn’t actually feel it at at the time.
This gf was a very loving, loyal, committed gf, and did anything for me. Unfortunately I didn’t really find her incredibly magnetizing. She was cute, but not crazy attractive in my eye. Like I mentioned above, I didn’t feel that proud feeling when going out.
I found that taking pictures with her also made me unsure. The first couple weeks of hanging out we never took pics. And then I took a picture with her and looked at it and was repulsed. When she would send me pictures of her with with her family, I didn’t like what she sent. Maybe she’s just not photogenic and actually good in person, but whenever she would send me a photo or FaceTime me I’d get turned off.
Also, the fact that she was so wholesome, it didn’t allow for much banter. Conversations were mostly plutonic, where I’m more of the sarcastic type.
She always wanted to pull out the calendar and schedule plans months in advance every week, even after telling her I prefered being spontaneous. She did all of these crazy google calendar overlays and I felt like I was always being sucked into things I didn’t want to do. She became more clingy than I had realized when I first met her. She asked me about 3 months ago, if we could spend not just weekends together, but also Wednesday nights. (We lived just over an hour apart). I suggested it could be every other week (the opposite)…I didn’t like going to her place because of the road noise where she lived and I would really only see her when she would visit me. I know, all of this sounds really one sided and like I’m an asshole. But I was very loving to her in person and she knows that, hence why it lasted so long.
Unfortunately a lot of things she did turned me off. She was too readily available, always trying to lock up my calendar, talk about marriage and kids in the next 3-5 years and I felt trapped. I was unsure.
We had great sex but it wasn’t crazy passionate, neither was our kissing. When alone, and was feeling aroused, I generally didn’t think of my ex. I constantly found myself checking out other girls places I went (but never talked to them). I felt like wow I wish that was the kind of girl I was with.
It wasn’t all bad though. The sex was phenomenal in terms of the movements. She made $100k plus which is phenomenal for someone at 24, but also had over $100k in student loans. With her wanting to get married within 5 years, I considered those loans as a big issue. She was super loving and would have been a great mother.
In the end she left me. She said we weren’t compatible. I have been a wreck and now I’m wishing I had her. Maybe not for the right reasons though?
I’m trying to figure out why if I wanted to end things myself and that I felt trapped for so long, how come all of a sudden I want her back? Is it just the void of not having someone loyal who’s there for me? The loss of a potential good wife and mother? Who can make plans and bake me things? The fear of not meeting someone as smart? She’s already talking to other guys and I’m just a wreck and need some advice. I can’t go an hour without thinking of her. I think I need to rewire the way I am thinking. I can’t stop thinking that maybe I made a mistake and should have put in more effort, but I feel like if I truly loved/had that spark for her I would have tried more all along. I would have been excited to make plans with her instead of going a week at a time seeing her. Now all I want to do is see her. Should I have stayed in it and worked harder? Are my standards too high? I feel like my first ex and my recent one were so polar opposite. One had the looks and I thought of her when thinking of sex but was toxic and the other was sweet but not as attractive. It even got to the point that to feel emotion, I had to finish inside her. Which did help.
At the time of the breakup, I tried very hard to tell her how I was looking forward to making a fun summer filled with plans together. Just 2 weeks prior she was about it. Now nothing. It’s been total silence on the other end for weeks. I know she loved me more than any guy.
Do you think this was a good thing this happened? How do I rewrire my brain? She was my only friend. This was a relationship that I went into going through the motions, and even a couple weeks before we broke up I wrote that journal entry / question that I shared above. What is going on?

We met 20 years ago. We were instantly and magnetically attracted to each other. I even cheated on my girlfriend at the time with her. (The one and only cheating situation of my life). We stopped seeing each other for a while, but nonetheless I eventually broke it off with my gf because I just didn’t have the same passion with my gf anymore since I met the new girl. I was now single and wanted to reach out but was afraid she was with someone else, yet somehow, almost instantly fate brought us together without me even trying. We became exclusive to each other and it was the happiest time of my life. Our honeymoon phase lasted a good year or so, then we got a house together and I proposed to her. We then got married and had 2 kids together and the pressures of life as parents got to the both of us and we emotionally drifted apart over the years. We often became very toxic for each other but I never lost love for her. We now have been married for almost 15 years, but almost a year ago, she decided she wanted to separate. Her decision was right at the time when her mother became very ill, and our daughter was becoming a troubled teen. My wife started to change physically and emotionally. I’ve given her plenty of space but I stuck around because I knew it was not a good time to just walk out on them, considering everything that was going on. I’ve tried not to pressure her but every month or so I would check in to see how she was feeling about us and she still claimed she was “done”. The pain was immense, I tried letting go but constantly just falling harder for her all over again. I’ve worked on myself and began my spiritual journey. I’ve had the dreams, the number synchronicities, the obsessive thinking, etc, which all has ramped up the past couple of months. Over the past few weeks I’ve learned about twin flames and suddenly the past 20 years, and especially the last year, is all making so much sense. I now feel like I’m more in love with her than ever, yet she is still closed off to me. I’m at the point where I know I need to just leave and was ready to but now her mother’s health has went into a swift decline. She doesn’t seem to be feeling the pain of the possibility that she may lose her mother very soon. There has been a few instances since the new year where I was like “are you ready to talk to the kids and tell them what’s going on with us” but every time it seems like there’s something we have to wait for, and she never seems to push for that conversation even though she is the one that wants out. We are both miserable in this situation. I never stop thinking about her. Like EVER. Feels like my brain is going explode sometimes.
TLDR; (but please read ⬆️)I feel deeply for her and that she is my twin flame. I can’t imagine my life without her, and we are on the brink of separation. Does this sound like the twin flame journey? What is the next step? I’d love to get into detailed discussion with anyone that can relate, and knows what I should do so we can be at peace, preferably with each other.

I (pansexual F) got married to the love of my life. My biggest sweetheart. Her name is Marie. Or so, I thought it was. I'm not sure who she is anymore. We had fun. We went outside on dates. We played Roblox together, etc. She was everything someone could ever ask for. Everything was perfect. Until it wasn't. We got divorced. We both moved on and haven't seen eachother since. Until we accidentally ran into eachother. We chatted a bit, you know... Caught up on stuff. I told her how I actually found my real dad. "I found out that Eddy is actually my dad", I said to her. She pulled out a birth certificate. "No, he isn't", she said. She showed me a birth certificate with my name on it. "It's actually me." I was left speechless. How? She...or he... even showed me videos of "them" with me when I was a baby. It was all so surprising to me. My mind was flooded with questions such as "how?" We started hanging out again. To catch up on things some more. We're still in contact.
...
This is obvi a joke 😭

Me (30F) and he (33M) is married for 3 years. We met in college so we have a relationship for 10 years. The first 2 years of our marriage was like a dream, I was pretty sure he is the one and he always said he thinks the same for me. Is he still gentle and loving? Yes. But he changed so much. Sometimes I'm just disgusted of him because he is becoming a cuck.
One year ago, he suddenly started to criticize the way I dress. Literally the opposite way you might think, he was saying I was not dressing "good enough". I generally wear blouses, jeans dresses etc. He said for a hot woman like me I dress like a granny. At the first he said that like a joke, but as he started to repeat it many times I was a bit pissed off so eventually I asked him what's his problem. He said he just wants to see me beautiful as his woman.
By time, I thought he will be fixed but he got even worse. I generally chose long t-shirts when I wear leggings, not wanting unnecessary stares. I was getting ready for gym and he made a comment on that too, told me I dress like a sister in the church and that's not how women dress for workout. Next day, he came with literally ten pairs of leggings and cropped tops. He told me to try them. I was happy for his surprise at first but when I tried them I was a bit shocked. Not being offensive against anyone who wears it, but it turns out he bought these "butt lift leggings" which completely fits the butt and shows it so detailed. I thanked him although it was a bit awkward, and told him there was no need for such a buy. He said he will like to see me wearing them for gym and take pictures. Strange right, well this is only the beginning.
He went even worse. By time, he started to come home buying supermini dresses with deep cleavages, even more butt lift leggings, lingeries, really short skirts etc. I'm definitely not conservative and I have no problems with the way people dress, but wearing these was making me uncomfortable. When I rejected, he was making a drama and one time he even cried for it. Once I rejected it all and threatened him to throw them away, he cried again and screamed at me. After that, he literally never talked a word with me for a straight week. I was loving him so much, so eventually I agreed to dress the way he wants.
Last summer, we planned a vacation. He bought micro bikinis for me although I didn't want. I told him I'm not gonna wear any of these, but he threatened me to cancel the vacation which I longed for so much. He made me wear these micro bikinis all the time during our vacation, and he didn't seem like having a sign of jealousy when I could even feel all other men's eyes on me although I tried to ignore.
The time I was really starting to concern about him to be a cuck, was when he took me to meet one of his coworkers at a cafe. I took a bath and when I went to our bedroom for getting dressed he immediately stepped in, he just picked a crop top -with deep cleavage of course- and a really really short tiered skirt, it was barely covering my butt. When I asked what's all this about, he told me to not wear any underwears. We started arguing again and he was about to make a scene again... So I said whatever and accepted. I was disturbed of all these other men's looks on me, especially his coworker. He didn't seem like he cares.
I was starting to get used to this life although I hated it. It only went worse by time. I was going everywhere in the way he wants. But I was loving him still, and I knew he is manipulating me. By time, he discarded all my previous clothes from our wardrobe and filled it with the seductive and revealing ones he wanted. As I tried ignore and move on, he made it far. One morning, I caught him recording my butt while I was sleeping. It was the breaking point and I argued with him about it again. It was the biggest one so far. I forced him to give me his phone and I was literally horrified by what I saw. It turns out he was doing this repeatedly, there were dozens of pictures he took secretly. Me sleeping, in the shower, tons of our vacation pics, my naked pictures etc. I left house for a week and stood at my parents, but not telling them about any of these.
He eventually apologized and said he is sorry. He said he just wants to be proud of having a hot wife, and he started crying AGAIN when I called him a cuck. And eventually, I came back to our house while he didn't even change a bit.
This situation is traumatizing me everyday. A few years ago, I was dreaming of a happy family with that guy, not he enjoying while I dress like a pornstar and other guys fuck me with their eyes. I completely lost my hope on him, and although I loved him so much I can feel it's finally waning everyday. I'm planning on a divorce already but didn't tell anyone anything.
What should I do? Is divorce the way? I always hoped he will get better with therapy, but at this point I completely lost my hope. Sorry for any grammatical issues, I'm Croatian and I moved to USA with my parents 15 years ago, still try my best while writing and speaking

Thinking back since i was my husband’s girlfriend, to being married , to having her first grandchild , that disgusting woman shamed me 8years straight. I’m a sweet calm person maybe i though taking her shit was maybe gonna change her. Now looking to it she always bullied me ,mom shamed me, and made me look like the bad person.
I feel stupid and heart broken , the fact my husband knew and saw and I mentioned to him breaks my heart even more, he knew she shamed me and my daughter, that woman came to live with us and still I opened the doors, until one day i had enough and i made it clear to my husband she needs to go or I’m leaving divorce will be served. She then left saying i have kicked her out and left her homeless. Never did i ,she had her house she just got kicked out for cheating🤷‍♀️
She had a new grandchild from her daughter sends my husband endless pictures and describes how she is happy to actually be a grandma ,im glad for her don’t get me wrong who wouldn’t be happy. Breaks me i gave her time with my daughter but she never ever even paid attention and always shamed a toddler, my toddler is a smart kid and will tell me what grandma said, so i stopped letting her near her grandma and she continued to shame me that im a bad DIL to not let her see my babygirl. I have then blocked her from everything i don’t want her to reach me , my point is im so hurt how do i even tell my husband to understand, we are having baby number 2 he wants to mention it to his mom i don’t want that i want to keep this baby surprise to my self , i don’t want her to be part of my pregnancy i dont want her to even now this baby exists,the last time i told her she wanted throw me a baby shower i said no, i have no family i felt uncomfortable with people i didn’t don’t know she shamed me saying i’m fucken stupid. I knew i shouldn’t have mentioned it , but thats why i dont wanna mention this pregnancy 🥹 am i wrong?

I’ve posted about my crush before, but I’ll make a quick recap on the situation. We’ve been talking for about 4 months now. He’s best friends with one of my cousins which is how I know him. Unfortunately, us being long distance friends means I’m often sleepy when texting him cause the time difference means we can only text late at night or really early in the morning cause we have college/work.
Today I was pretty tired cause I had to wake up at 6 am instead of 8. We were talking about how difficult it is to make new friends (we’re both pretty shy people) and then he said that even if he moves to a different country, he’ll still keep in touch with his current best friends. And then he said “And when they get married, our kids will be best friends! Oh I can’t wait to get married! I want to marry right now.” To my sleep-addled brain, that was strange because before he has said that he didn’t want to get married cause he didn’t like children and wanted to focus on his education and career. That’s why I’m content to just be his friend, cause I know we aren’t gonna get into a relationship due to these differences in future goals but I think he’s a cool guy anyway. He’s never talked about marriage or having a child this positively before, or ever really. So I asked him, “Really? Who’d you marry, then?” Then he said “I don’t know 🥲”So I told him he had all the time in the world to wait and meet the right person, especially if he wants children. And then I took a nap a bit later.
Now that I’m looking back at the conversation with a clearer mind, I’m pretty sure I’m a bit of an idiot for saying that.

I fell in love with Bridgerton from Daphne and Simon’s first dance at Vauxhall. That is still my favourite scene of all 3 season. And then loved S2 also, although I missed the magic and glamour of S1. And although I loved Kanthony, I didn’t love the unnecessary triangle and failed wedding.
But I was not excited for S3 because I didn’t really like Polin, I thought Colin was boring RMB wasn’t my favourite book either. But the promos got me so excited for S3 and I’m also so glad to be back in Mayfair :)
Is Colin a little awkward and flat? Yes - but hear me out. I really think Ep 1-3 are supposed to be played this way. Ep 4 he is already starting to bring more intensity to the role. And that carriage scene is 🔥! It’s everything that I had hoped it would be! And the way he says “For God’s sake Pen will you marry me?” - perfection! Colin is not Anthony and he is not Simon. He is not brooding and passionate - yet! I have a feeling the second half of the season will bring all of that. But he is the “nice guy” - the sensitive, joking friend. Will I fall in love with Colin? Probably not - I prefer a bad boy like Simon or Micheal, but that’s ok. Not every leading man will be for me. And I am happy for those that do love him to finally get their season. And Pen is fantastic! She looks beautiful and Nicola is such an amazing actress.
Are the costumes and editing and music not up on par this season? Yes. But there is still some of the old magic of S1 to this season that was missing in S2. I can’t explain what it is.
As for the sideplots - well S1 and S2 also had quite a bit of sideplots. In particular the Featheringtons and Mondriches. Now we are seeing the wrap up of the Featherington storyline its normal that they show will start inserting other sideplots that align with the next upcoming seasons.
Speaking of the Featheringtons, i ove them this season.
Also really loving Francesca and John. Hoping that we get some glimpse of the Merry Rake and also Sophie in the second half of the season.

I'm pissed off at the so called justice system and need to rant and I figure plenty of other pod listeners have experienced what a bastard it is and might relate. Feel free to share your story in the comments and we can all commiserate and bitch together.
I work the front desk of a motel and I love it. The owner pays a living wage, and I'm not required to smile in the face of Karen nonsense.
For the most part, the property is safe and quiet, but we have been having issues with this one particular loiterer for a few years now. In general, we really don't want people who are not guests or here with guests to be hanging around the property. He did more than just hang around though. He actively bothered guests, trying to bum money, cigarettes, alcohol and rides off of people while stinking drunk. He'd bother anyone but women were his favorite. He'd hit on them and try to get their numbers, even staff members. It didn't matter how many times he was told to leave, he'd keep coming back. Usually this happened at night, but he'd show up stumbling drunk during the day as well.
He's not homeless. When we figured out his name, we were able to determine he lives in an apartment complex a stone's throw away. We learned his name after an employee saw his mugshot, and that he'd been charged with trespassing and indecent exposure at a nearby business. Looking up his past criminal history, he's no stranger to run ins with the police. Criminal Mischief, False Imprisonment Of Child Under 13 Yoa, Child Abuse, Battery, Possession Of Drug Paraphernalia, Disorderly Conduct, Trespass In Occupied Structure, Possession Of Cocaine all from one encounter with police. Others include another count of indecent exposure, assault on a female and breaking and entering.
When we learned all this, we realized he was more than just a nuisance and we needed to try harder to get him to stay the hell away before he hurt one of our guests or a member of staff. Then he ended up being gone for awhile anyway. Jail? Another state? We don't know and I'm not that good at reading court records.
But he came back with a vengeance toward the end of 2022 and started zeroing in on our night auditor who was a very pretty but naïve girl which I guess he took as an invitation. When we learned about this she was told to just call the police whenever he'd show up so we could finally get him trespassed. I'm sure it will come as no surprise to any of you that the police never showed up in time to get him on the property, so they kept saying they couldn't do anything about it. Months later the planets aligned and he was finally trespassed.
This kept him away briefly. The night auditor left and a new one was hired who was not aware of the loiterer. Unfortunately for her, he took an even bigger shine to her, escalating to very sexual comments. We hadn't seen him for a bit, so we foolishly thought having him trespassed would work and hadn't warned her about him. One day last summer she is telling me about a guy who keeps coming around on her shift, and she doesn't think he's a guest. As she's describing him I realize she's talking about the loiterer. I tell her next time he comes around, just call the police.
To make a long story short (too late), by November he'd been arrested on our property three times for trespassing. And one time for communicating threats when he came screaming at the night auditor demanding to know why the general manager was at the hotel in the middle of the night. Clearly having him trespassed was not a deterrent. We kept being told to just keep calling because it would build a stalking case against him. Private security options around here are a joke, so instead the night auditor's boyfriend was given a free room during her shifts because her stalker would stay away when her boyfriend was around. But he would watch the property from somewhere because if her boyfriend went to run an errand or was away from the desk long enough, guess who would come creeping?
Don't worry, we finally got stalking charges against him though. Early November I was working a 16 hour shift because I'm a workaholic and I like OT. I was also pet sitting for my parents so as my day drew to a close I was absolutely running on fumes. Guess who turns up on the property bothering our guests again? We do the same song and dance where I call the police and they don't show up on time. The night auditor he likes was working that night and she arrived without her boyfriend, long story but he couldn't be there.
I desperately needed to get out of there because I had to be back in 8 hours and also needed to take care of the dog, but I could not in good conscience leave her by herself when I knew her stalker was prowling around. Sure enough, as I'm about to leave we see him on the security cameras heading toward the desk. The lobby has big glass windows and he walked by them, presumably looking to see if she was alone, but he kept going because I was here.
Something in me snapped. If the law wasn't enough to deter him from coming around, we'd have to find alternative methods to discourage him. I grabbed the pepper spray we have because of him and went outside to confront him like a lunatic. I shouted "hey!" to get him to turn around and I pepper sprayed him in the face as he was eating a cheeseburger and then I did it again. I got his face and his cheeseburger and he was so drunk he kept eating it as he cursed me and called me a crazy bitch, which is a fair thing to call the crazy bitch who just pepper sprayed you even though you deserved it.
I had dialed 911 on the way out the door, so they got to hear me yelling at him and told me to stop following him and I lied and said I wasn't following him, I was just yelling at him. In reality I was doing both though I only followed him to the edge of the property. The reality of the situation hit me at that point because I absolutely just attacked him and called the police on myself. My biggest concern in the moment though was the fact that my parents were out of town and there was no one else to take care of their dog.
Anyway, cop shows up like ten minutes later to take our statements and whatever. My eyes are stinging because I'd walked through a cloud of pepper spray, so I recommend gel not spray because it apparently doesn't do that. Fortunately I did not get in trouble and the cop was like huh, if your reaction to seeing him is to just immediately pepper spray him, perhaps we have enough for stalking charges. Yay, finally. They didn't catch him that night though.
And it turns out pepper spray wasn't that good of a deterrent. He was back bothering people two days later. Fortunately his favorite target was off for a few days and the other NA was working and called the police. They showed up and talked to him AND DIDN'T ARREST HIM. They said they couldn't because he wasn't on property when they arrived, which is bullshit because all they need is proof he was here which we have because we have security cameras and he has been busted another time that way. They just didn't want to do their job.
I started bringing my gun to work at that point in case the stalker decided he wanted revenge for the pepper spray. But honestly his brain is so liquor cooked I'm not even sure he remembers I did that.
Over the next couple days we say him a few more times, learned he had a warrant out for his arrest on the stalking and trespassing charge, but the cops kept not showing up in time. Then we didn't see him for a few weeks. I'd check on the local arrest records to see if he'd been arrested, and he finally was about 6 weeks after the incident. He was bonded out a couple days later and bond conditions included staying away from the hotel as well as my coworker and I.
After that he stayed off the property, but would sometimes shout at the NA from the sidewalk out front, telling her he loved her and would never hurt her. He never stuck around long enough that she felt it was worth calling the police over.
He would still hang around the fast food restaurant parking lot next door and bother guests whose rooms faced that direction. There wasn't anything we could do about it and they weren't interested in doing anything about it. This changed at the end of March when he was arrested there for being drunk and disorderly. He bonded out on that charge as well. We didn't see him around after that but knew better than to celebrate.
End of April, he gets arrested again this time at the gas station across the road. Drunk and disorderly, indecent exposure, and resisting an officer. Bonds out again.
Just a couple days later, the other day shift person spots him hanging around the property though he didn't stay long. She warned night shift about him when she left that night. Sure enough, he turns up again IN THE FUCKING LOBBY. NA scares him off with the stun stick that was also purchased because of him and calls the police. As is tradition, they don't arrive in time. But we have proof of him violating bond, so we're hopeful that maybe he'll get locked up and give us a longer break.
But he wasn't done with his chaos for the night, the NA learned the next morning when the police came back to talk to her. He went to hang around the gas station where he'd just been arrested. He was loitering around with another guy, generally being suspicious and touching themselves. Then comes the escalation no one saw coming (/s). He and his creep buddy attempt to sexually assault a woman at the gas station. Fortunately they fail, unfortunately buddy gets away, fortunately stalker does not.
But you wouldn't know about any of that looking at his charges. All you would see is that he was trespassing at the gas station, had an open container of alcohol, damaged a police car, resisted an officer, did a disorderly conduct, and he pissed on an officer. Nothing about the sexual assault, or trespassing at the hotel and violating bond. Also apparently pissing on a cop is a felony.
On the bright side, his bail was set to $25k and I kept checking to see if he had posted bond and he hadn't. So we were enjoying a reprieve. I checked every couple of days for updates on that, and when doing so today I noticed the status of the stalking case had changed from pending to disposed.
I looked into that and discovered the stalking charge had been dismissed because the victims and officer had not shown up to court. Showing up to court is kind of difficult to do WHEN NO ONE TELLS YOU YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. There was absolutely no communication with any of us regarding the stalking charge. Everything I did know I knew from arrest and court records which I barely know how to decipher.
We've done everything we were supposed to do, but fuck us I guess right? We're having to take our safety into our own hands because the justice system doesn't give a fuck. He's not getting whatever help he needs to not be a predator because it doesn't give a fuck.
I'm so fucking angry right now. We're going to call the DA on Monday, for all the good that is likely to do. Maybe the owner can band together with other business owners in the area and get something done about him since money talks. I don't fucking know.
I'm not scared of him for myself, I'm scared of what he might do to a guest or one of my coworkers. He wouldn't be the first pervert to attack a housekeeper, thinking they're an easy target. One guy flashed his dick at a housekeeper a couple years ago and the owner chased him down and held him at knife point until the cops showed up. At least that cop had the good nature to claim not to have heard the owner when he said he was going to cut the guy's dick off.
The cop the stalker pissed on probably deserved it.
How has the justice system fucked you over?

Hello Reddit users and friends, I am a 42-year-old male currently navigating a complex separation from my 36-year-old wife. We've been married for 14 years and together for 16. We have only one child, and I manage a business that I originally started over a decade ago and she joined as a helper 2 years ago.
Despite our plans to support each other as friends post-separation, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to cope with the situation, especially the idea of dating again.
Context for our situation:

• Relationship Foundation: We both had minimal dating experience prior to our marriage, which might have affected our relationship dynamics. We never cheated on each other.
• Career and Financial Support: I have financially supported her through three different career paths, including her current roles as an engineer and a teacher, without expecting financial contribution to our household. Contrary to her feelings and dis-approval of any of my support, I've always encouraged her career development and she saved every Penney she made into her own personal savings by working in both careers.
• Legal and Financial Arrangements: Our marriage included a pre-nup, which we later revised into a post-nup due to ongoing relationship issues, detailing the separation of our property and a 2-year promise to assist her with a lump-sum after divorce when / if it happens.
• Family Dynamics: There have been ongoing challenges with family acceptance on both sides. She has repeatedly criticized my racial and religious-sect and all of my roots and background, even my fatherhood (i am a good father as i get compliments from strangers and i feel content about my fatherhood abilities, often shown in my kid's sports, school, and character) and she pretty much criticizes everything about me which has caused further isolation.
• Mental Health: I suffered a serious depression about five years ago, which led me to seek therapy. Although the therapy was beneficial, she was dismissive and even ridiculed the process, which strained our relationship further.
• Social Isolation: My social life has been significantly isolated to a few friends, which includes a few straight friends and two gay friends. Total isolation from women friends (she is very jealous) This isolation was exacerbated by her jealousy and reluctance to engage socially with my acquaintances or partake in my planned activities.
• Exploration of Sexuality: In an attempt to cope with our marital issues, I explored my sexuality with a friend, with her initial and complete consent (started about 16 months ago and went on for a few weeks and had stopped since 14 months ago due to the added criticism and drama, i tested him for STDs before, and tested after-wards, and she saw all the tests before and after). This later became a point of contention and she punished me by isolating me from any intimacy with her or any other human being for 5 months which i agreed to in-order to avoid divorce. Again, i never cheated on her, she approved every thing and she had met my friend as well ! I did not mind having sex with him, was socially very rewarding and approving of my character as opposed to my distant wife's dis-approval, but i missed having sex with her, as we had a successful sex life (which she also criticizes the next day but feels satisfied in the moment with a positive feedback of "amazing" and the like) however, i am not socially happy with her ! She also met a guy back then, over a year ago, but she never became intimate with him, and i had approved.
• Physical Abuse: She had punched me very strongly once on the chest, which was very painful for 2 weeks and hindered my ability to exercise well, and had hit me another time before-hand but was not as painful, i never hit back, i am a muscular guy so i wouldn't dare out of fear of causing a serious harm.

Specific Challenges:

• Despite our separation, we are still living and working together but are physically and emotionally distant.
• I am grappling with feelings of loneliness and isolation, compounded by the emotional toll of our strained relationship. I am seeking therapy just so you know, i am fine.
• There is a lingering feeling of being misunderstood and unfairly judged, not just by her but also by her family, and i tend to be a sensitive person, had my own childhood trauma as well.
• The situation has left me questioning my readiness to date again, as my feelings for her wane daily, and i feel, well, just over-whelmed sometimes, i still do my fitness routine and i work hard.

Questions for the Community:

1. For those who have navigated a long-term relationship breakup, especially under complex circumstances, how did you manage the emotional fallout ?
2. When and how did you decide you were ready to start dating again? Were there specific signs or milestones that helped you realize it was time?

I’m looking for guidance, personal stories, or any advice that could help me understand how to move forward emotionally and socially. Thank you in advance for your support and insights.
I am usually social, have a good sense of humor, and respectful, and i love people. She tends to be reserved and she is also likeable by people. She does NOT take pride in being next to me out in public, but all my friends enjoy my company and i am known to be a respectful and fun to be around. Enough said about our characters, we are both average and never had any troubles with the law.

Work Forcing Me Out After Attempting to revoke my time off.
Not sure how to go about this or if I’m just being a little petty.
I work as a Property Manager in California, I was hired at this particular job in November 2023. Upon hiring the HR coordinator at the time had been told I was getting married and had planned our honeymoon needing 2 weeks off in April. She approved and said it may be partially unpaid if you don’t have the PTO but it is no problem to take the time off.
All was well for many months, until around February when that same HR coordinator was mysterious fired and all staff were instructed not to communicate with her.
After this I had been told that the temp agency that they were going to use to cover me while I was out of office had “ramped up their rates” and that I would have to either find my own coverage within the company or cancel my honeymoon all together. I said that my time off had already been approved by the previous Coordinator and that I couldn’t refund the flights.
Now my manager and I are the only two on site and her behavior had become more and more erratic, coming in late, leaving early for “business purposes” and so on, she had also started delegating 2/3x more tasks than usual, some of which were her responsibilities.
Not too long after we get a new Hr coordinator who I email and ask if my time off is still approved, she confirmed in an email that I had CC’d my manager and the regional manager on. This is when things get dicey.
My manager starts micromanaging every task and her attitude toward me becomes more and more condescending to the point where I have to take a minute to calm down as she is argumentative about almost every task, if I complete it it’s completed too soon if she forgot to tell me about a task it’s because I didn’t have the initiative to ask etc.
Finally it’s the day before my scheduled time off (Saturday, I’m usually the only one in the office) and I come in to see that there is a counseling notice on my desk. I read it and get a text from my manager telling me to call her on teams when I get in, I do and she calls me from another managers account.
In the call she tells me that she has had to deal with so many complaints and errors that she is working “too hard” and I shouldn’t be abandoning the company at a time like this. She is careful to say “we want you to think about this during your honeymoon and comeback refreshed and with a better attitude”.
I acknowledge what’s she’s saying but disagree with the notice entirely.
When I return 2 weeks later, my manager calls out that day and I work solo, no issue and things are smooth. The next day the regional comes to the office to discuss some items with our technical support team and then tells me to come in to the managers office with her.
They sit me down and say “how was the wedding and honeymoon” I tell them and they sarcastically say “that’s greaaat”.
They then proceed to tell me I am being placed on a performance improvement plan as my “dedication to the company” is not meeting their needs. They detail their areas of concern, my “attitude towards the manager” my apparent disregard for the residents and my appearance (I wear a suit and tie, clean cut every day).
I’m shocked at what I’m hearing including the manager claiming she didn’t come into the office the Saturday before my scheduled time off because she was “terrified of how I would react”. I couldn’t belive it I had been nothing but polite and overly flexible with helping her with her work load.
The regional told me my manager had been suffering from extreme anxiety over the workload that occurred during the 2 weeks I was gone and told me I had to meet the following requirements within 30 days: “cease all negative reviews about the property” “make the property reach 95% occupancy” (the property has never been at 95%) and complete a series of trainings (which I already have). I should also add they’re claiming these “malfeasances” are occurring when the manager is not “in the office” yet she is the one claiming to have witnessed my “behavior”.
My concerns they’re trying to fire me And blame me for trumped up reasons that are simply not true.
What are my options AITAH?

Work Forcing Me Out After Attempting to revoke my time off.
Not sure how to go about this or if I’m just being a little petty.
I work as a Property Manager in California, I was hired at this particular job in November 2023. Upon hiring the HR coordinator at the time had been told I was getting married and had planned our honeymoon needing 2 weeks off in April. She approved and said it may be partially unpaid if you don’t have the PTO but it is no problem to take the time off.
All was well for many months, until around February when that same HR coordinator was mysterious fired and all staff were instructed not to communicate with her.
After this I had been told that the temp agency that they were going to use to cover me while I was out of office had “ramped up their rates” and that I would have to either find my own coverage within the company or cancel my honeymoon all together. I said that my time off had already been approved by the previous Coordinator and that I couldn’t refund the flights.
Now my manager and I are the only two on site and her behavior had become more and more erratic, coming in late, leaving early for “business purposes” and so on, she had also started delegating 2/3x more tasks than usual, some of which were her responsibilities.
Not too long after we get a new Hr coordinator who I email and ask if my time off is still approved, she confirmed in an email that I had CC’d my manager and the regional manager on. This is when things get dicey.
My manager starts micromanaging every task and her attitude toward me becomes more and more condescending to the point where I have to take a minute to calm down as she is argumentative about almost every task, if I complete it it’s completed too soon if she forgot to tell me about a task it’s because I didn’t have the initiative to ask etc.
Finally it’s the day before my scheduled time off (Saturday, I’m usually the only one in the office) and I come in to see that there is a counseling notice on my desk. I read it and get a text from my manager telling me to call her on teams when I get in, I do and she calls me from another managers account.
In the call she tells me that she has had to deal with so many complaints and errors that she is working “too hard” and I shouldn’t be abandoning the company at a time like this. She is careful to say “we want you to think about this during your honeymoon and comeback refreshed and with a better attitude”.
I acknowledge what’s she’s saying but disagree with the notice entirely.
When I return 2 weeks later, my manager calls out that day and I work solo, no issue and things are smooth. The next day the regional comes to the office to discuss some items with our technical support team and then tells me to come in to the managers office with her.
They sit me down and say “how was the wedding and honeymoon” I tell them and they sarcastically say “that’s greaaat”.
They then proceed to tell me I am being placed on a performance improvement plan as my “dedication to the company” is not meeting their needs. They detail their areas of concern, my “attitude towards the manager” my apparent disregard for the residents and my appearance (I wear a suit and tie, clean cut every day).
I’m shocked at what I’m hearing including the manager claiming she didn’t come into the office the Saturday before my scheduled time off because she was “terrified of how I would react”. I couldn’t belive it I had been nothing but polite and overly flexible with helping her with her work load.
The regional told me my manager had been suffering from extreme anxiety over the workload that occurred during the 2 weeks I was gone and told me I had to meet the following requirements within 30 days: “cease all negative reviews about the property” “make the property reach 95% occupancy” (the property has never been at 95%) and complete a series of trainings (which I already have). I should also add they’re claiming these “malfeasances” are occurring when the manager is not “in the office” yet she is the one claiming to have witnessed my “behavior”.
My concerns they’re trying to fire me And blame me for trumped up reasons that are simply not true.
What are my options AITAH?

Hi everyone,
I’m a 30-year-old woman who’s never been in a relationship, and I’m feeling quite lost about how to approach dating given my circumstances. Here's a bit about me:
I come from a very toxic family and have made the tough decision to cut all ties with them. It wasn't easy, but it was necessary for my mental health and well-being. Despite this, I put myself through school and now work as an accountant from home. I live in the city and am financially stable, which I’m proud of.
I also suffer from a neurological condition that has been a significant hurdle in my life. This illness requires me to switch from medication to medication, and I’ve been very sick as a result. The side effects and fatigue from the medication make it difficult for me to date or even be social.
On the positive side, I maintain a positive mindset and volunteer for charity when I have the energy. I’m also conventionally attractive, which makes this situation even more frustrating for me. I’m going to therapy to cope with the trauma from my toxic family, and it’s been helpful, but I still struggle with the idea of dating.
I genuinely want to get into a relationship and eventually create a healthy family of my own. I crave a loving, supportive partnership but am unsure how to go about it given my health challenges. The fatigue and side effects from my medication often make socializing and dating seem impossible.
I'm not in a rush to get married. My priority is finding the right person, rather than adhering to any timeline. I just want to share my life with someone who understands and supports me.
Has anyone else faced similar challenges? How do you approach dating with a chronic illness? Any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading and for any insights you might have.
TL;DR: 30F, never been in a relationship, dealing with a chronic neurological condition, and working through past family trauma. I want to date but my illness and medication side effects make it difficult. Looking for advice and support.

Since I was 5 I wanted to end this shit life. I was raped before I was 5. Taken from my family. Used as a pawn on family court. Told my entire life I was why my parents had to divorce. Because I was placed in a group home. I spent my entire k-5 locked in a small room. Do to undiagnosed depression and anxiety!
Back in the 80’s no one gave a fuck about mental health especially in children. Always told just deal with it. Everyone lives suck, we can compare notes if you’d like. I’ve made federal judges cry.
My entire life has been one fuck up after another. I got used by friends,family, bosses, courts.
Life was manageable. Meet my now x wife started a a little family. We just finished college. I was working in the automotive industry. Not making much but a start. Do that work for some shitty people. And start to get to the point I’m ready to start my own.
Well just a few months later I got hurt on the job. Had a life changing back injury. And lost everything over night even my tools. Which got stolen while I was recovering. 40,000.00 of my life savings y gone.
Few years later I find a note how my wife isn’t happy anymore and wants a co worker. I leave and get begged back. We were apart 9 months and we talked about trying for or family. We did for another 13 years till a new little one came.
This was my mental health breakdown. I raised my kids. When I worked I took care of them daily. My wife worked nights and slept till just before work. Feed the kids drop them off at daycare. And I didn’t want this life again. Was finally facing the fact I couldn’t work just before him I got my Ssdi. Before work comp is a joke!
I started pissing blood the day he was born. I tried to talk to her. And she just went to the same old just deal with it any time I had an issue. That was here response anytime I had a struggle with the children at night I’m at work deal with it. I tried for so long. Till I started saying I was done feeling this way. Just for her to put of the time on me. My pains never matched her.
I’d rub her back while my screamed in pain. While my leg trembled in pain. But that’s what you do. And I’d get everyone has pain if I brought mine up.
Well three later little one is now three and she starts coming home and going straight to her phone. And everything from dinner to how was work was a fight. I caught her cheating. She came home from work with an overnight bag in her truck. Said what’s that none of my business. Like yes it is! Well I’m leaving you. My suicidal tendencies started kicking in. And I tried that night with my dad in my truck. Telling me how life mattered not more then mine mf. We have history especially childhood abuse. Like I guess we both die today.
She told me she was done with him, for her to leave that Friday. Dropping my kids off at her mother’s. She lied about everything. Kicked me out well tried. Then took my two youngest kids three hours away and had my 15 year old daughter lie about where they moved. They both said only a 45 minute drive not three hours.
Now a year and half later still playing her games. She uses I have a girlfriend against me. I’m still married to her I’m low income. And been fighting you want this divorce me. Since that’s been what she wanted since the day I found out, she has left my son to go chase men in other states with his teenage sister. He’s none verbal.
I’m so over fighting for my family. 43 years and I’m tired of never having life go good. Tired of my kids being used by women. I been here before with my oldest son’s mother. She used everything I begged her not to do against me. And I’m so ready. I wake up every day from nightmares. Haven’t slept a full night in 14 years. I’m mentally exhausted. Sick of telling police I’m not going do it while I’m playing it out in my head.

Scott Masterson had first met Scarlett at a rooftop party in downtown Dallas. Their age and the time of year were both in late springtime, them in their mid twenties and the date in early May. He had on a sharp yet breezy blazer and she astonished in a thigh length sleeveless blue dress.
“Oh hey Scott I don’t believe you two have met…” his then happily married friend had remarked with a slow swinging open hand toward her.
“Scott Masterson…reluctant friend to this knucklehead” he said with a tight lipped grin, trying not to be so obvious with his instant rapture.
“Scarlett…a pleasure…”
Her hand was so delicate to Scott’s touch. They locked eyes. It was like looking back through centuries of connection, endless days of laying in the sun next to the Seine River, or rising to Hollywood fame in the 1940’s and only having each other who would understand the glory and the pain of it all, or generations of quiet, simple country love that would bear such beautiful, happy children that would go on to raise beautiful, happy children, all with their dark blue eyes. Yes, the memories of every love story since the beginning of time was swirling right there in Scarlett’s irises. Scott had to catch himself before he stared embarrassingly too long.
“Sorry Scottie here doesn’t get out often” his friend quipped, which Scott appreciated actually, it helped him snap back to professionalism.
“Well I don’t either…at least I prefer not to.” Scarlett’s words flowed through the air like a flock of rose petals.
“Hey, kindred spirits.” Scott was really sensing a rising energy out of her, they had barely broken eye contact.
“Well, I’ll let you two have at it, I got a wife around here somewhere. Hey…Scott and Scarlett…not bad, not bad.” His friend exited stage right with a sly chuckle.
“Nice guy…so…what are you drinking, Scarlett?” Scott looked around for the emptiest corner of the rooftop bar, hoping to find a nice place for them to be able to hear each other. This night had just become something.
“That depends, Scott…what do you like?”
Oh man.
Well, as you can expect, the evening blossomed into a beautiful, long winded conversation that etched a long list of similarities between the two. They both lived in the city, had never married, and had dreamed of stable, simpler lives far away from tall buildings and busy streets. The next morning Scott awoke in her arms, which warmed much deeper than just his skin. He could feel her soothing his very identity, his future, everything. Her arms were tailor made to fit his very soul, and he had never felt more safe and at home.
“Mmm…you can stay right here…” she whispered, eyes still closed.
“I will…I will”
They both fell back asleep, into a dream that wouldn’t end upon waking.
Two years passed and suddenly they lived that simple backwoods life, way out where acres of land far out-populated the few and far between people. They took a lovely home, which happily looked over a long backyard, right up to a lively yet mostly undisturbed river. Their only neighbor within a mile was an older ranch worker named Charles, who rarely made himself perceivable. Days were spent way on into town where they both had offices. They didn’t mind the commute. Nights were spent mostly like this night, cuddled outside near a lovely little fire, with a slowly shrinking amount of wine sitting between them. Enjoying their Kingdom. Tonight, however, would prove to be a special night, for many reasons, all unexpected.
“Honey, I’ve been thinking…” Scott began, sitting up and opening his hands to the warmth of the fire.
“Oh?” Scarlett also sat up, eyes widening.
“So look, Scarlett, the last two years have been the best of my life. An absolute dream…”
She held her breath, her focus darting between his eyes and mouth.
“Yeah?”
“We have everything we ever want out here. But…what if there’s more?”
“More?” She had envisioned this very conversation hundreds of times.
“Our dreams have come true, but what if we…made some new dreams?” Scott turned and embedded his eyes into hers. He burst into a big smile.
“Scott…I thought…”
“Nevermind what I said” he cut her off, which he always made a point to never do, but this was a good exception.
“I’m ready, Scarlett…let’s have a family.”
“Ohhhh Scott, oh Scott”
They hugged tight enough to where it hurt.
“Well, in that case, we may need to open another bottle.” She said playfully, bouncing her eyebrows twice.
“Excellent. I’ll be right up. I’ll put this fire out and then start yours up.”
“Oh stop!” She bounded away girlishly, up the snowy back steps and into the house.
Scott let out a big sigh that he could see in the cold air and sat back in his chair, taking in his decision. He really was ready. He had secretly been keeping a long list of names that he liked and that he thought would work in front of Masterson. Especially little girl names. He stared into the campfire flames, getting lost imagining the three of them sitting right here, a little girl resting securely in Scarlett’s arms, as Scott had found himself, and stayed within these past two years.
Suddenly his trance was broken when, from the road in front of their house, came the sound of a vehicle approaching at high speed. Scott snapped his head back toward the house to get a better listen. He could see, around the house and through the trees, a large truck barreling down the country road, its headlights racing and bouncing with intensity. In an instant, it had passed up the road and out of sight.
“Huh?”
Soon, after a moment of silence, another sound echoed into the night. This sound rattled Scott to the bone and tore all that was right in his world into pieces. A sharp, bellowing squeal. His eyes shot over to his neighbors house, which was about a tenth of a mile to his right but still had a couple dim lights on that he could see. The shriek seemed to come from there.
Then, more squeals. It was hellish. More than animal but not quite human. Scott stood up. He heard crashing and tearing and further destruction coming from Charles’ house.
“Scarlett!! Scarlett!” He yelled toward his house, where he looked and could see her silhouette behind the curtains at the kitchen window. She didn’t seem to hear him.
He turned back toward his neighbors. The chaos had gone quiet. Not a half a moment after, though, he heard something big barreling through the trees as fast as that truck had been sprinting. Running, running furiously between the two houses. Searching, hunting. Scott was taken aback so hard that his heel had caught the edge of the fire pit, throwing him down only inches away from severe burns. He had knocked his head in the whiplash, making him groan and take a moment to regain his bearings.
“SCARLETT!!!!”
He screamed out toward his home as he sat up, rubbing a quickly rising bump on the back of his head. He heard a loud breaching on the side of his house. The patio door. No. No. Then, all hell broke loose. Scarlett started wailing and crying and he could hear crashes of plates and glasses and deep guttural roars coming from the kitchen inside. Shadows danced in a frenzy from the curtained windows. Sounds of instinctual survival seemed to be thrown from Scarlett inside. Sounds of defeat. Sounds of agony. Sounds of insanity. Scott sprang to his feet, his equilibrium being more damaged than he realized after his fall. He had to catch his hand on a chair to stabilize himself. Scarlett’s symphony of pain had gone quiet. Soon after something burst back out the patio door again and off in the same direction as that truck before.
Scott struggled back up to the house, slowly climbing the wintered, crunching stairs that led to the patio. He no longer yelled for Scarlett. In fact, the only thing that came to his senses was the sound of his own heavy breathing. Everything else had been turned off, save for a heavy and sudden dread that he had prayed he would never feel. He came to the side of his house where indeed the patio door had been busted and forced open. It laid inside the kitchen, its hinges snapped like toothpicks. Scott, with eyes wide and twitching, slowly entered his home and looked into the kitchen.
He didn’t scream. He didn’t even change his breathing. He didn’t blink. He just got a good long look at what laid before him.
Everything was broken. The fridge was on its side, the door hanging open and food and drink scattered all over the floor. The table was upended, its legs to the ceiling. A chair was resting on the counter, possibly having been thrown in defense. And Scarlett. Oh Scarlett. She…was…everywhere. She was all over the floor. She was sprayed against the walls. She was stuck to the window. She was in the sink.
Scott gently walked through the carnal mess and sabotage of his world. Long ago he had known exactly what he would do if something anywhere near this bad were to happen to him. He politely stumbled through the kitchen, down the hall, and into the bedroom. He opened his closet door and lowered a fire safe from the top rack. He unlocked it with a passcode. 511, after that warm May date when he had first met Scarlett. In the safe was a Sig Sauer P320 handgun. Scott took it out, along with a box of bullets, loaded one into the gun, put the safe back on its rack, and walked out of the closet, sitting on his bed. Their bed. Where they should’ve been laying right at this very moment, working toward a happy future. Where he would’ve kissed her forehead and put a hand on her growing midsection. Where they would have awoken on Christmas morning to the sound of children who were way too excited to remain asleep. Where they would’ve grown old. Where they would’ve smiled at each other through wrinkles, satisfied with all the love they shared and passed on to the next generations. Where they would’ve held each other in deep peace as they finally fell asleep to this world.
“I will…I will”
In one quick motion Scott pulled back the hammer and stuck the barrel of that pistol right up against his Governor and blew himself away, far away, right back into Scarlett’s loving arms.
Jeremy “Smallmouth” Bassett quickly yet stealthily made his way back to his Uncle’s house. He hugged the sides of the dark country road, keeping his eyes and ears wide open as to notice any sounds pertaining to the event that he had just witnessed there in the field next to the huge blaze. His only thought was Uncle Chuck. His house was right on the warpath of that horrible thing and Smallmouth had to go to him and make sure he was safe. He dared not go back to his truck, which would bring a lot of unwanted attention. No, Smallmouth walked and walked and finally saw the lights of his Uncle’s house. He carefully approached the front door from the shadowed driveway. Suddenly it occurred to Smallmouth that something was very wrong here. The door was busted in, having been plowed through by something very large and very strong.
“No…no…no”
Smallmouth slowly entered the house. The kitchen and living room were a disaster, chairs and tables and bottles strewn about and shattered. Bloody hoof-prints covered the floors, each of them the size of dinner plates. Smallmouth heard no noise. He felt himself well with tears, his nose a faucet that he began to sniff up as he worked his way through to his Uncle’s room, the door there also being broken in. A small whine growing in his throat, Smallmouth peaked into his uncles bedroom.
It was all in tatters. The bed had been attacked and shredded, the mattress being ripped up and thrown about as if it were made of cotton candy. More bloody hoof-prints were painted all over the brown carpet. Smallmouth trembled and put a hand up to his wet face. He didn’t see a way that his Uncle was anywhere near alive, knowing what he knew about the monster that had been in this house.
Smallmouth slowly walked to the living room, to the only little table that had been untouched in the attack. It was almost as if the bottle of whiskey teleported into his hand from the overturned cabinet, unopened. He fixed that real quick.
Soon he was several pulls deep of the only thing in the world that he knew would make him feel better, even if only for a few hours. He found his pack of cigarettes in his coat pocket and lit one up, although he was indoors. What did it matter? He sat in a chair that he had turned right side up and set the bottle on the table and looked out the back window into the pitch black. He cried for his Uncle and he cried for the world. He cried for himself. He cried for broken promises and his own weakness. He drank and drank until his vision shook from right to left everywhere he looked. At first he didn’t even notice the figures on the back porch. Then his vibrating focus did pick up on them, but by then it was too late. It was so dark out there but in their outlines he could see they wore long robes and hoods.
“HA!! COME AND GET ME! HAHA!! YOU COME AND YOU GET ME!!” Smallmouth boasted with a delusional amount of courage.
A creak escaped from the kitchen and he drunkenly slung his head over toward it. Three more figures stood there. Or was it just one? Smallmouth was none the wiser. All at once the hooded intruders from both inside and outside began to chant a strange, twisted rhyme in strikingly low and dissonant harmony:
“A sliver…of liver…goes down…with a shiver… …and gives…your gullet…to gall… …but drink…the Cider…that drowns…the Spider… …and you…will be free…of it all… …so tighten the grip…that loosens your lips… …O raise…the bottle…of brown… …and wake tomorrow…to find…in sorrow… …ANOTHER…SPIDER…TO…DROWN”
Smallmouth groaned at them in dissatisfaction and turned his bottle up again and began to chug the whiskey. As he did they repeated the chant except this time it was louder and closer. By the time Smallmouth had finished his bottle he was quickly losing consciousness. This wasn’t just whiskey. As he closed his eyes he felt hands grabbing him from all sides.
Smallmouth pulled open his sticky eyelids. His head felt like someone had bowled a strike into it. Wind froze his face. The smell of sickly, wet iron stung his nostrils. His vantage was higher than usual. Way higher. He was looking out into another field, but from easily ten feet up. He saw an old church, formerly painted white but now a flaky pale-beige. He heard the friction of a quick pull of rope below him, matched with a slight, tight pain at his feet. He looked down. A red-robed figure was fastening him against a wooden structure of some kind. His feet sat on a small flat platform perpendicular to a post that went from the ground up past smallmouths head. He couldn’t move his arms, so he quickly shot his eyes side to side. They were also tied to another horizontal post. A cross. He was being tied to a crude wooden cross. His shirt had been removed, exposing a hairy, overweight belly. Smallmouth tried to speak, but all that came out was a slow, unintelligible grumble. He was still drunk. No, this was more than that. He was under the influence of something strong and absolutely inhibitive. He wallowed again, and took in a deep breath. The smell of iron once again hit his nose. He looked down at himself. He was covered in a thick, red liquid. That wasn’t just the smell of iron. He had been splashed full body with blood.
“Now now, young servant…” the figure at his feet had finished his task and took a couple of steps out to admire his own handiwork.
“Ahh…perfect. The picture of martyrdom. Yes, you will always be remembered, Brother Bassett. You are to be the first Saint of The New Bible.” He opened his arms in his declaration.
Smallmouth looked up into the cold night sky. The moon shown down, giving everything a midnight spotlight. It was a gorgeous waxing gibbous, big and bright but not quite full. Yes, he was in a great big snowy field that housed an old worn down church. From the windows of the church he saw candles glowing, showing dark heads and shoulders looking out to him, also covered in loose hoods, hiding faces. He was hanging on a cross about one hundred feet from the old church. In front of the cross was a partially covered pit, a couple of two by fours supporting double armfuls of branches and dead leaves.
The figure at the base of the cross put his arms back to his side. He was still looking right at the drugged Smallmouth’s dumbstruck face. Even with a veiled mouth you could hear the twisted smile in his voice.
“Tonight you will help us finally defeat this legion, Smallmouth. You see, it may have the evil spirits within it, but at its core, it is still an owned animal. An animal that knows its Master very well. An animal that will remember the smell of its Master. You, my friend, are covered in its Master right now. And you are hanging on a cross, the symbol of this brute’s most hated enemy. But take heart, young Brother. Before you is our pit of spears. Yes you will attract the beast, but our Divine plan will intercept it and the beast will fall and be pierced. And then, oh dear brother, you will forever be immortalized. You will be purified in fire by the hands of your church brethren. Out of your screams and into the smoke the iniquities of all will be released. We will go on to preach your good example and your sainthood forever and ever.”
Smallmouth began to drool and hum pathetically. He could hear and understand the words of the robed man but he couldn’t fight back. His body was useless, limp inside its rope confines. All he could do now is think, and watch, and wait, and dread his fate.
The figure turned away from him, walking over near the pit and gathering up a bundle of brambles and throwing them over the last open area, covering it completely. He then crunched through the snow over to the front door of the old church, groaning open the door. He stood at the dark doorway for a few seconds in silence, and then began to make a noise. An over exaggerated pig squealing noise, high pitched and infuriating. Soon after other voices from inside the church began to do the same, their wailing echoing out of the building and all across the field, loudly signaling, calling out. It may as well have been a dinner bell. Not a half minute after they began the distress signal it was loudly answered by a distant squall. A furious squall.
This was it. Either way it happened Smallmouth was about to die. Experience terror, and then die, and not even have the ability to put up any kind of defense. It wasn’t fair. He just slowly lifted up his head and watched out far into the moonlit, white field. He then raised his heavy head further and took a good gander at the moon and stars for the last time.
“God,” he thought to himself, still having full inner monologue yet no outer motor function, “I am so sorry. I am so sorry for being what I am. I am so sorry for ending up in this place. It’s only my own fault. If it wasn’t for me being so stupid and messy and drunk and terrible then this wouldnt be happening to me.”
He began to shed tears that washed lines into the blood on his face.
“Please forgive me God. Please, please, please forgive me for all of my sins. This is it. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!” He yelled inside his own mind, hoping and trying to send his silent words as far up into heaven as they could go.
He lowered his eyes back to the ground. He looked over at the church again. The windows were empty, the candles were extinguished. Those hooded cowards were hiding from their own handmade sacrificial service. All was quiet for a long pause until a much louder, closer bleating began at the edge of the forest not even three hundred feet away from Smallmouth’s glazed over eyes. It was time, and it was too late for a miracle.
Out of the woods, slowly and heavily, stomped the massive hog. As it marched closer and closer Smallmouth could see its white, boiled over eyes and black-burnt skin. Its jaws were flying open and snapping its sharp, pocket knife-sized teeth together in an intimidating “clack”. It was now less than a hundred feet away, the dark old church to its right shoulder. It stopped, its pale glowing eyes fixed right on Smallmouth on the crude cross. It truly was a monster. It stood as tall as a man and as long as a canoe. Around its murderous mouth were stains of red, the remnants of all that it had taken from the world on this unholy night. In its clanging jaws were bits of flesh. It snorted and scowled.
Then, in a fury, it wailed that horrible squeal and started off into a dead sprint. It galloped and galloped toward Smallmouth at a high, blistering speed. It kept yawping and howling as it cut the distance from the cross down to fifty feet, forty feet, thirty, twenty. All at once it passed over the covered pit and plunged in. In his doomed, dead eyed stupor Smallmouth could hear what sounded like paint being dumped from a rooftop onto concrete. Trails of black liquid squirted and splashed up from the pit, which had been uncovered in the fall of the beast. Unbelieving, Smallmouth saw dozens of steel spear tips standing up from the dug-in ground. Right in the middle of them the beast was stuck. The sheer weight of the animal had caused the spears to pierce through its tough skin, sticking out of its back, soaked in black blood. One spear had stabbed right under the hogs chin, passing up through its jaws and out its black snout. It made agonized sounds. It roared and roared and shook the spears inside it, beginning furiously, then growing weaker and weaker within seconds. Finally, it let out one last weak little squeal, before it went still and quiet.
Smallmouth was frozen both physically by drugs and constraints and mentally by shock. His mouth hung open toward the pit of spears, his vision blurry. He took in a deep, troubled breath and let out a moan of disbelief and relief. The old church doors sprang open, and the sound of jubilation within flowed out into the night. The red robed figures flocked out of the building toward the pit, arms raised in celebration. They surrounded the hole, getting a good look at their success and their enemies defeat. Some held additional spears and began further stabbing the dead animal, causing more black blood to be shed up at them. They all yelled loudly and triumphantly. Some danced around the pit. Some skipped over to Smallmouth on the cross and danced around him, slapping his legs and spinning in circles.
Smallmouth looked on at the raucous celebration, both in utter disbelief of their trap actually working and also in turmoil. How long now until they fully execute their plan.
A taller robed man, whose voice matched the same one who spoke to Smallmouth as he tied his feet, spoke up, sounding almost happily intoxicated.
“Ahh yes my Brothers!! It is done!! We have won!!!”
They all whooped and cheered.
“Brother Norman, go into the church and bring me the small tank of fuel. Let us send our dear Saint Bassett to the Holy lands, where he will be adored for all eternity!”
They all clapped and hollered. One figure began childishly skipping away from the pit and over toward the front door of the church.
Then, it happened.
From the pit all of a sudden a great blaze erupted instantly. It stood as tall as the cross, and it burned a furious red and blue. It raged and raged, blinding Smallmouth and making him clumsily turn his face away from the heat.
All of the figures panicked, screaming and scattering away toward the church. They didn’t get far. Up from the fiery pit, dozens of long, long, black arms, adorned with six hooking claws emerged and stretched out of the flames and latched on to the legs of those trying to escape. Smallmouth heard crying and wailing from the men as the black, razor clawed-hands of the legion grabbed them and began pulling them back, into the blazes. One by one the red robed people were dragged into the flames, their clothes catching instantly. Smallmouth could see violently shaking bodies in the evil furnace. Oh, the screams. Above the tortured howling, the sound of laughing broke out. Deep, menacing laughter, hundreds of voices, echoed up into the air from the burning hole. Then, in one extinguishing squeeze, the ground swallowed the entirety of the fiery pit, leaving it completely covered in dirt, still and quiet. Soon after, and just like the pit of spears, the old church building caught in an instant and raging fire, quickly toppling the walls and dropping the steeple into its ruins. The smoke towered high in the night sky, which had just began to hint at a pale morning blue. Smallmouth hung on his cross in utter horror and surprise.
As the late evening hours glowed into early morning the smoke eventually tapered off, as Smallmouth’s drugs finally began to wear off as well. The fires of the church did garner long distance attention, though. Just as Smallmouth was able to regain control of his muscles and voice he heard emergency sirens call out into the cold morning air. Not long after, two fire trucks, an ambulance and a sheriffs truck tore into the field and toward Smallmouth on the cross. Not long after Smallmouth could feel the tied ropes being cut loose by firemen, their uniforms easily the best red clothes he had seen all night.
“What on God’s green Earth happened here son?” A bearded man with a dark hat and brown shirt and pants asked Smallmouth once he had been lowered down from the cross and sat on the ground with a shock blanket around his shoulders. The Sheriff, no doubt.
“God’s green Earth. It really is God’s, isn’t it?” Smallmouth whispered, staring out across the cold field. Then, at the very place he was staring, an old, familiar truck came barreling out of the gravel road in the woods and through the field in the steadily growing morning light. It was Uncle Chuck’s truck. It hurried over toward the other emergency vehicles, parked, the driver’s side door burst open, and Uncle Chuck came bounding out over to Smallmouth, his eyes wide and his mouth a wonderfully shocked “O”.
“JEREMY! JEREMY!!!” He basically fell on Smallmouth in a tight, warm hug. Smallmouth was caught off guard by Chuck using his real name.
His Uncle held him for several seconds and then let up, but kept his hands on Smallmouth’s shoulders.
“I thought you were dead.” Both of them said at almost the exact same time.
“I came back and your house was a mess and there was blood everywhere. I thought you were dead.” Smallmouth weakly spat out.
“Well, I woke up and you were gone, son, so I walked to the ranch to get my truck. I was worried bout ya son. I came back home and the whole place had been turned upside down. Blood on the carpet. I just thought the worst. Then I tried my neighbors house. Buddy, they’re dead. Looks like some wacko murder-suicide if I ever saw one. Scott probably tried to come kill us too and wrecked the place when he found it empty. I don’t know. But what I DO know is that you are right here! You are okay Jeremy!! Ahhh Praise Jesus!!”
“It’s not that, Uncle. That isn’t what happened out here. It’s..it was a..a, uh…”
Smallmouth’s fried brain couldn’t even comprehend what he had witnessed over the past few hours. It was all a violent blur.
“Dont worry bout it son, you can tell me everything on the way to the hospital. We gotta go get you checked out and cleaned up. C’mon.” He helped Smallmouth up and they walked over to the ambulance, his Uncle’s arm thrown around his shoulder.
Smallmouth would be sent home later that afternoon. It would take him and his Uncle a long time to sort through the chaos of that deadly night and rebuild their lives. But life kept on. Smallmouth would remain living with his Uncle, and would begin a job working with him down at the ranch. Together they started to attend a local church. Smallmouth never touched a drink or a drug or even a cigarette ever again, and remained steadfast in his newly revitalized faith.