School lunch poems

This is based off a post I saw somewhere else, and I thought it could make an interesting mental exercise where you'd have to think about what's the most important to you and how your goals would change based on the amount of time you had.
For the sake of this game, you'll know with 100% certainty that you'll be dead after your time allowance is up. There's no "but what if I only think I'll be dead in six months but then I'm not and I fucked up my entire life?" When your time is up, it's up. You'll be dead and won't have to live with the consequences of your actions.
So just for fun (and growth, maybe?) here's mine:
If I had 24 hours to live: Realistically, I'd know I wouldn't be able to accomplish anything of substance, so I'd just focus on pure pleasure. I'd go out and do something fun, maybe go to the nearby theme park in the city I haven't been to in a while or an expensive night club and wear my favorite outfit. I'd eat and drink whatever I wanted, and however much of it I wanted. When I got back home I'd take something to keep me as calm as possible and call/text the people I care about who live far away to let them know I care about them. I'd spend my last hours in bed watching a comfort movie.
If I had a week: I'd go on a road trip with my entire family to somewhere I always wanted to go to, maybe LA or somewhere similar, and spend the rest of my days there. Probably my actions would be pretty similar to the above, I'd just have slightly more time to do bigger things and say goodbye to people in person.
If I had a month: I'd quit my job for sure (for the top two, idk if I'd even bother to formally quit, I'd just stop showing up) and again, probably act fairly similar to above. I might try going to another country like Italy or Japan to see what it was like and try their food, but I don't think I'd want to die there. I'd also try and maybe finish something creative before my death, even if it was just a short story or a few poems.
If I had six months: 100% quitting my job and putting all my energy into finishing my long term writing project and having fun. I'd use my savings and hire a cleaner to come in once a month to take care of boring everyday tasks so I have as few distractions as possible.
If I had a year: Same as above really, but I might also try and experience a brief romance before the end. Probably wouldn't be able to truly fall in love but hopefully I'd at least meet someone cool.
If I had five years: I wouldn't quit my job, but I also try and find something better and something that would be fairly undemanding. I wouldn't be making any big career or life plans, but I would try to write something and get it professionally published before I died. I'd want to leave having made my mark on the world in some significant way.
If I had ten years: I'd probably quit my job ASAP to go back to school, while trying to find a relationship and work on my creative projects when I had free time or after I was done. IMO ten years would be super hard for me because it's long enough to where I'd definitely want to build a life but short enough to where I'd really have to haul ass if I wanted to make that life come to fruition.
If I had twenty years: Honestly, I'd probably be doing exactly what I'm doing now just with even more anxiety lol.
So yeah, feel free to add yours!

I(17m) have this under the relationships flair because idk what else to mark friendships under. TW: Abuse, SA
I grew up in an abusive, divorced, and neglectful household. Abusive father, neglectful mother. They didn't get along at all and I never was able to build a social circle. I think due to the trauma, I seek deep, emotional relationships/friendships with people I do choose to get close to, and that normally ends up with me getting in a relationship with them and self isolating if I get broken up with (I've been in 3 relationship in the past 2 years). I'm not wanting to date because I'm tired of getting hurt, which means I keep myself emotionally distant.
My school/social life is kinda growing, but limited and a little awkward. I tend to stick to groups so I don't have one on one time with people because I am that awkward. My three closest school friends are E (we play chess at lunch), J (we play volleyball in car riders), and W (we just kinda... are friends?). E lives in a separate county though so I don't really know how to ask him to hang out, W's parents don't let him go out, and I've never asked J before because that's more of a friend group friend.
I have some other not as close friends like A, who is asking me if I wanna go hang out tomorrow and idk how to respond. I wanna try to get some more people to go because I'm that awkward and I don't wanna be out with her alone. Idk much about her as well. She did tell me she was SA'ed recently, and I believe her, but I have a tiny whisper telling me to not be alone with her in case she was lying and I get that said about me.
I don't think I need to say this, but I would never SA anyone. I've always asked every time I've touched a partner if they were okay with it (teased/fingered). Outside of that like hugging/kissing, if they stopped me, I've backed off and asked about it at a separate time to set boundaries. My point about this is that I don't want that attention on me because I wouldn't ever do that.
Back to the point, idk what to do. I kinda wanna go hang out with her as long as a group goes because it sounds like it could be fun, but maybe I'm looking for an "okay, you can" or what to expect because idk what to expect.
Is there really anything you can say that could/would help me calm my nerves or know what to expect? Thanks for reading if you got this far.

I remember when I was a little girl I would look in the mirror and just be so disappointed, in my mind, I was ugly, stupid, and poor, and it broke me completely. I would get bullied heavily in elementary school not only because I was poor but because I was chubby, while I ate lunch kids would stand by my desk and make pig sounds at me, oinking and calling me butterball. They told me I had meth head teeth. The only thing I liked about myself was my freckles but that brief feeling of liking myself soon disappeared when one boy told me it looked like I had shit splattered on my face.
I was eleven when I began to diet, whiten my teeth, and wear makeup. My teeth naturally straightened out on their own and I shed the weight with the help of heavy restriction, not without developing an obsession over how I looked. When I was twelve, boys began to notice me, I broke my nose and in doing so had to get it straightened out so I could breathe properly, no longer did I have my father's Roman nose which I so despised. I wanted desperately to be like the girls who ignored me and to be liked by the boys who bullied me for a little baby fat.
Because of this obsession, I didn't believe people when they told me I was pretty. Compliments always felt ingenuine and I naturally assumed boys were asking me out as a joke so I turned every single one down out of fear of humiliation. Deep inside me something seethed, I wasn't satisfied with the weight I had lost and begged and cried until my mom shared her Ozempic with me. I was thirteen.
Still, I could describe in detail the way I picked apart every flaw, the way I had autopsies on past conversations, searching for a new insecurity. One day I went into my dad's toolbox and stole his roll of duck tape and wrapped it around my waist. I was amazed by how beautiful I looked, my waist was the smallest of all the girls at my school and this felt like a victory. I tailored my favourite sundress on my mom's sewing machine to fit my brand-new waist and wore it to the first day back from summer break.
Everyone turned their heads to look at me, I thought that only happened in the movies until I strolled into English class with a waist the size of a tangerine. I shoved lies through my teeth about a gym and diet plan I had done over the summer to make myself look so small, my friends listened with eager ears and wide eyes trained on my midriff. The attention was more addictive than any substance I've put into my body. My friend had told me how the boys were talking about me and how they planned to ask me out, that's when I made up my mind.
It felt like a poison I happily drank, knowing all of the risks. Every Sunday after church I walked to the Dollar General by my house and bought five rolls of duct tape, two dollars each for one week of classes, ten dollars in total. The same woman was always there and she always smiled at me, asking what I did with all of the tape, my face would split into a sickly sweet smile as I told her a new falsehood every time.
My mother would comment on how she didn't want me to go anywhere by myself because I was too pretty to do so, this was like pouring gasoline onto my forest fire. In the morning when everyone was sleeping, I wrapped one roll of duct tape around my waist so no one could hear the sound; I took it off before my showers at night, water running as pain pushed tears from my eyes and bit the inside of my cheek until I could taste iron flood my gums. I was left with cuts and tears in my skin, flesh tender with torture, still, I mummified my body every morning with duct tape. Sometimes I would do my thighs if I wore leggings or skinny jeans so people would comment on my impressive thigh gap.
After a year of doing this, my midriff looked like a piece of raw steak beaten with a meat tenderizer until it was almost torn apart entirely. I wouldn't even let people touch me in fear that they could feel through my attempt at perfection. I started skipping church. Every weekend I shut myself inside so I could breathe at full capacity while I shut my blinds and stared at my ceiling, my mind went numb with the impending doom that I would suffocate myself with that dreadful silver tape when the bell rang. My whole life I had heard that beauty is pain and that's all I thought this was, I thought that models did similar things and it was just something I had to accept to be beautiful.
Essentially, I had turned into a zombie; my breathing was shallow, and I became pale, clammy, shaking, and nauseous. I couldn't stomach meals. Every night I would wake up around midnight and cough up my guts but I hadn't eaten any food so there was nothing left in me to vomit but bile and eventually blood. I stopped talking to people, I thought it better for them just to look at my pretty long lashes and my tiny little waist than to listen to me tell them I was fine through shaky breaths. My dad was so scared for me, he kept bringing food into my bedroom and would come to collect the uneaten dish when he dropped off the next. He couldn't look at me without crying. It was just his drowsy gaze piercing into my vacant skull while we both swallowed back what we wanted to say, the words dying in our throats, never to be heard.
Everything hurt all of the time, it didn't matter anymore whether I had the duct tape on or not. I almost preferred the feeling of it on so the stinging of the cuts and the soreness of my ribs was shielded by something. One day in PE the teacher asked me to sit out so I did. I tried my best to keep my vision straight and my head up while I watched the other kids play California kickball. It was okay until there was a suffocating feeling, like something was consuming everything in my body like tiny creatures with razor-sharp teeth were cutting their way up my organs. My body began to convulse as I coughed until I fell to my hands and knees, coughing up this invisible force in my throat. The game stopped abruptly and every pair of beady eyes turned to watch me writhe in pain on the dusty gym floor while I clawed at my chest and throat, eager to tear the skin off completely.
Mr. Duke jogged over to me, crouching down to my level and putting a hand on my back. With furrowed eyebrows, he asked what was happening and with nothing more than Ozempic running through my system, I screamed at him to get away from me. That final wave came like a million little hands of wind pushing at the back of my throat until I heaved up the very last of what was left in me. Hands flew over mouths while some gagged at the sickness once inside of me. On that floor was a pile of what looked to be red coffee grounds in a little puddle of cherry wine. I was as terrified as anyone else in the gym, I screamed between heavy sobs while scuttling away from the mess I had made.
I knew that this was the end of me, that I would be taken to a hospital and everyone would know what I had done. I didn't even need to go to the hospital for everyone to know what I had done. Once I had collected myself and began talking frantically in a hushed circle of my friends while we waited for the ambulance, one boy on the hockey team caught a glimpse of shimmering silver beneath my gym strip and snuck up behind me, pulling my shirt up and revealing the secret I carried like a cross I had to bear.
My back laden with strips of duct tape like it was armour was on display to my entire class, my shame shown to what I had perceived to be the entire world. The girls didn't find this so funny but the boys came up with the name of Tape-Face. I remember rushing to the locker room with my friends following close behind, I grabbed scissors from my pencil case and began to cut it off myself, ripping it away madly along with little segments of flesh. My friends watched in horror, they just stood like it was a game of wax museum and I was the security guard there to punish whichever moved first.
In the hospital, I couldn't face my parents, not even the doctor, I kept my eyes locked on my lap. I couldn't see their stares but I could certainly feel them digging into me like a frog on a dissection table. My mom was utterly speechless and my dad spoke only through voice cracks and subtle sobs while he brought me soggy sandwiches from the cafe on the first floor.
I took another week off school because I could predict the painfully true rumours and when I finally set foot back into the school, it was worse than I anticipated. I felt hideous, like a pig that had been chugging back lard in my t-shirt, sweatpants, and perfectly average body. My friends were hesitant to eat around me and tiptoed around the incident like it had never happened which almost felt worse than bringing it up. Others were not so kind. A group of kids, guys and girls all mixed together, the kind that stole cigarettes from their parents had waited until I came back to sneak away from class and cover my locker in duct tape. Over top of the tape they scribbled on a dictionary of names they would call me in the hallway "Tape-Face" "Fraud" "Botched" "Duct tape Barbie". One of the girls sat behind me in math and had cut little squares of duct tape to stick them into my hair, I called my mom in the principal's office and cried while the secretary had to cut it out of my hair.
My dad made the decision to pull me out of school, so I started homeschooling but that didn't stop the harassment. We lived close to the school and during lunch and after school kids would throw duct tape wallets and wads of tape onto the porch. My dad's final straw was when someone dropped off a Barbie whose waist and thighs had been wrapped in duct tape in our mailbox. He had contacted not only the school but the parents of the kids several times with no avail to the torment ending anytime soon. He moved us to a new town where I could go to class without anyone knowing the pain I subjected myself to for two years.
I'm in college now and I've never told anyone this. I've cut contact with everyone from that school. One of the bullies tried to reach out and apologize, blaming her behaviour on mental illness but that felt like she had shattered a plate and said sorry, thinking that it would put the plate back together. I told her I didn't forgive her and blocked her. A boy from the hockey team also messaged me, the one who flipped my shirt up. He said he just had a daughter he couldn't imagine her going through what I went through and that he's sorry for what he did. All I had to say was that I hope she doesn't have to go through what he put me through either.
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I am desperately trying to lose weight and frankly it feels impossible because of how much stress I have put on my body these past few years. I have always been petite and skinny, and I definitely took my fast metabolism for granted and it is not so fast anymore. To add to this, I was a disordered eater from elementary school to high school and I would not eat breakfast or lunch, I would only eat snacks and dinner. I am 23 now, about to head to med school, and the stress of all of this and my bad eating habits in the past have caught up to me. I have a huge appetite and I am always eating something. I am still a small person, but I do have a tummy now and I weigh a normal amount on the scale (117 lbs and I am 5'1).
I am controlling my eating habits now, but since I live with my parents, I don't cook very much at all. I am on a vegetarian diet because my mom is vegetarian, and I only cook occasionally when I want to eat meat. The problem is, when I tell my mom "I'm done" or "I'm full", she does not let me stop eating. Because of the poor eater I was in my past, she thinks that I'm going back to those bad habits, even though I am eating a normal amount calorically. My mom does not let me cook on my own because she thinks I am trying to starve myself. I will be cooking on my own in a few months in med school, but I want to start eating healthier and losing the fat now. Any advice for someone that has a similar background or eats what their parents cook for them? Please share I'm desperate

So im a senior in high school, and there's this kid i had known since elementary school (let's call him gerald) and we live in the same small town so we had always been at the same parties and events. I just turned 18, so i had literally known this dude for my entire childhood. Our parents were friends, and my 2 best friends' (both girls) parents were friends with his parents as well. We had never been super close, but were always friendly. Around 6 months ago, we started texting a lot. After a few weeks, he started complimenting me a lot. He would send me paragraphs about how i was such an amazing person and i was so beautiful and smart. Then, he started telling me about the comments. At his lunch table was my ex bf ( let's call him john). Now john and gerald sat at the same table, and gerald began texting me all of these weird 🌶️ spicy 🌶️ comments john was making. Then, came the paragraph. Gerald sent me a paragraph that another person at his lunch table had supposedly said (let's call him joe). This paragraph was the most horrible inappropriate thing i had ever read, and it made me so upset and uncomfortable. He told me about 5 other people at his table who had said things like this, and i lost all of my confidence and i was just very uncomfortable around these people. When one of my friends started talking to joe, i was worried because i didn't want him to hurt her, so i thought one of my other friends who was very close with gerald should make sure what joe said was true , because the friend who was talking to joe insisted that he would nvr say anth like that. When that friend texted gerald to ask if it was true, he said "no". He had made up EVERYTHING. The only things that were true were what john had said, which we all could've assumed because i had heard about him saying things like this way before i had gotten close with gerald. So, i got home from school that day and immediately told my mom what had happened and showed her the screenshots (ofc i had screenshots). She then called his mom and explained why we couldn't hang out anymore, and to make sure we stayed separated and didn't attend the same events or carpool together. His mom apologized a million times over, and both his parents are livid and he's grounded for life. Since he got his phone taken away obviously (and either way i had blocked him the day i found out he had lied about evth) his parents made him hand write a letter apologizing to me. I did feel bad, because i had gotten him in sm trouble and don't know if i overreacted.

Burner account for obvious reasons.
My mom and I (15M) have had a pretty "normal" relationship, sure theres been hiccups here and there but these past three days have been horrible. It started with my mom coming home one night and noticed that there was a pot on the stove. She asked me to clean it up and I stated "Since you cooked with it how come you didn't clean it" (In retrospect, this probably wasn't the best thing to say in the moment). Dishes are something she would often remind me about, having ADHD I've always struggled with forming habits or just forgetting tasks at hand, this issue has been improving for me recently and my mom had stated that she had taken notice before, in our family, its usually "your dish your responsibility". But anyways, that seemed to make her start screaming and yelling in ways I have never seen her act before, usually it may be some yelling back and forth but she started throwing things around the kitchen while threatening to take my life, and take her own life unless I got out of the house so fearing for my own safety I went outside for a few hours wondering what the fuck just happened. So I texted her and asked if I could go back inside, got the reply of "do whatever you want" so I went back inside as I had schoolwork I needed to get done. Nothing happened the rest of the night. The next day I tried to de-escalate the situation, trying to ask my mom how she felt, and if there was anything I could do to help her out but that was like talking to a brick wall. That night was uneventful. Today (Sunday) I woke up a bit late, ate breakfast, etc. My mom decided to go out and told me, she told me I should mow the lawn today since it's not going to rain (for context, I texted her yesterday if it was alright to mow the lawn but it rained by the time I had the opportunity to). Around an hour ago I decided to go ahead and make myself some ramen for lunch since I didn't want to deal with a mess and make her angry again. Around the time I finished eating she came back home, I said hello to her and asked her how she was doing. The first thing I heard back from her was "Why is there dishes on the counter" which is when I realized I left a single plate out from making ramen which I intended to put in the sink anyways. I had put a dish in the sink earlier since I assumed the dishwasher was full since the magnet was on the "full" side along with my moms dishes. I tried to explain this to her calmly, letting her know that I'm going to clean everything up and she just goes off, shes screaming, yelling, tells me that I "ask for too much" and starts screaming at me about events that have happened YEARS ago, she starts getting up in my face, yelling about all the things I've asked for, she complains about needing to leave work and go to school for my 504 plan, paying for wrestling, and getting me a car which shes all done for me on her own accord, I rarely ask for anything from her, I mean, I don't even ask for money. I've tried having discussions with her about cars since dual enrollment next year requires for students to have their own mode of transportation and I have a very late birthday right before school starts but she just shuts me down which I never understood. She then starts screaming about how I haven't mowed the lawn yet even though I have all day and she then tells me its going to rain although she told me earlier it wasnt and kept on denying it. But the tipping point is when she picked up a knife and started pointing and "jabbing" it at me after she picked up a dish and shattered it on the floor. At this point I have no idea what the fuck got into her so for my own safety I started recording which she didn't appreciate, she put the knife down and started walking towards me telling me "get out now or i'll kill you" and "stop recording or ill get your dad to pick you up". For context, my parents are divorced and my dad has done some disgusting things I would rather not talk about, I haven't been in contact with him for months. I went up to my room, locked my doors, she started banging on my door telling me to get out but fearing for my life I decided to stay put, she eventually went away and this is where I am now. I'm honestly so lost and have no idea what I should do. Sure, I'm not a perfect kid but this was just so out of character for her and I'm so confused as to what made her act out like this.

Just for clarification, this happened a long LONG time ago, I was middle schooler when this happened, so not only are some details lost to the passing of years, but since this happened during a shutdown even more so. I’m making this post just to get this out there.
Many people on this sub seem to be more latediagnosed, but I wasn’t. I was diagnosed at the age of 8, because since autism and ADHD were super common on both family sides, my mom decided it’d be best to get both my brother and I tested. He has ADHD, I have both. After getting that diagnosis, my mom obviously contacted both of our schools so that we could recieve proper accommodations. Honestly, I remember it being great after, I noticed teachers helped me more, but my mom didn’t tell me I was autistic until I was 11, so I never knew why.
Then came a time obviously, that I grew up and went to middle school. My mom assumed that not only that my elementary school would notify the middle school of this, or even just that they’d do the bare minimum and check my files to see what I had and how that would shape how I acted. In middle school, I didn’t recieve any extra help from teachers despite having both an IEP and 504.
2 years passed in middle, and at the time of the event I’m describing, I was 14 in the 8th grade. I was heavily masking (although, everyone definitely noticed and made fun of me which I didn’t notice,) and I was someone who ate school lunch and not my own lunch. Lunch time was always a bit over stimulating for me, but the day it happened, they were serving fish. Now for me, the foul stench of fish is something that tipped me into either a meltdown or shutdown depending on where I was, and that combined with the loudness of the cafeteria I went into shut down. I sat down in the corner of the cafeteria, and when a classmate tried to ask if I was okay, I was completely non verbal.
We had to go back to class, and I was still in shutdown mode, so even as I walked along I felt extremely nauseous and uncomfortable. When I went into class, I was visibly discomforted, and my teacher picked it up. She yelled at me, and asked me to walk out of class. I heard her make a phone call, but due to my circumstances, I couldn’t hear her. All of a sudden, the school principal walked up to me with a wheel chair. I was super confused. My school principal was actually a really sweet guy, and he asked if I’d be comfortable getting in the wheelchair, and I shook my head no, because I didn’t need one and it made no sense. He had me get up and walk with him to the nurse.
This part was where it got really bad. Obviously, you’d think a nurse would actually look at a students information to verify some important notes, but these ladies didn’t. They brought me to a really bright room and begun asking me a lot of questions I didn’t answer (non verbal, again.) and don’t remember what they even were. The nurse who was with me was visibly and audibly mad at me and begun telling me I needed to answer her or else. I remember squeaking out some very quiet “no’s.” But I still didn’t really respond. At that point, she told me straight up that if I didn’t start talking she would have to “inject me with an anti drug serum (or whatever it’s called? I don’t remember what she called it) because I was “””clearly on drugs.”””” At that point it became a meltdown and I started wailing begging her not to do anything. She stormed out of the room and I heard her call my mom. When my mom came however, she was very clearly pissed at the nurses who would assume I was on drugs. When she found out that none of my teachers, nor staff, or those very same nurses who were supposed to check my files, knew I was autistic. She was even more mad at them. They had a long conversation, and my mom straight up told them there was no way I was on drugs. I don’t remember what happened after that besides my mom getting me McDonald’s after.
I don’t know why I often find myself reflecting on this event, but whenever anyone asks me to explain why I think the public school system is a joke and only harms autistic kids, this is what I tell them.

When I was 13 I had a rip in the back of my school uniform. “Ms M” called me into the art building during lunch, two of my friends came with me but Ms M told them to wait outside as this was private. Ms M just wanted to help fix the tear in my dress and I was embarrassed but grateful. I didn’t think it was that weird but afterwards the other girls who were waiting for me said it was a suss situation asked if I was ok. I said yes of course I’m fine and moved on but here’s what happened:
After I was called to the art room, Ms M was cheery as always, but had her hands up my dress to place gaffer tape on the inside of my uniform to hide the rip. The rip was on my left shoulder blade and she patched this by going up both the front and back of my dress while I was still wearing it. (Back to tape up the rip and front to test the mend). She also felt around my bralette and asked how long I had been wearing this and we ended up discussing bras and underwires etc.
She wasn’t at the school the following year. I don’t even remember her first name, but I do remember she introduced us to some fun foods, as well as screen printing and watercolours.
At the time I truly believed that she was just looking out for me… my parents were going through a divorce, I kept getting detention for uniform violations, and the rip in the back of my dress would have only caused more detentions and maybe a suspension. My grades weren’t great and my family was going through a lot so getting kicked out of school would’ve been the cherry on my mums shit cake. I appreciated Ms M for recognising what I was going through and trying to help rather than just punishing me for having a less than perfect uniform. I worry that maybe the other girls said something or spread rumours which may have caused her to leave or get fired... The more I write about this, the more I rememberealise that maybe I was intrigued or potentially attracted to my teacher? I really don’t know if she intended to do anything wrong or untoward. If anything she may potentially be the first adult female that I was curious about physically and that’s why I remember this moment. On the other hand, I don’t think what she did was appropriate and if one of my nieces told me this happened to them I’d be beyond livid. I guess I’m just confused, and it was a difficult time in my life for many reasons so not sure if I had the wrong end of the stick…
Sorry this post is all over the shop, I’m word-vomming in real time. Hope you guys can give me some clarity/guidance/opinions.
FYI This happened in 2004 at an all girls school.

some context i(f20) was diagnosed with GAD and Major Depressive Disorder around 5 or 6 yrs ago. I'm mainly just venting but if yall have any advice I'd gladly appreciate it :)
so during my Jr year of school, going onto senior year, I worked at a fast food place for 2 months. i actually enjoyed working there, and i onky got yelled at once, and after that i was starting to have some anxiety about the job. I only wanted it to be a summer job. but ended up quiting due to my anxiety making me cry before and after work. I left on good terms and my boss told me that I was one of the best workers he had in a while, and that he would miss me.
my 2nd job only lasted 2 days and it was walmart overnight stocking. I was told by everyone that I joined at the worst time and that I should just quit. 1st day was told I was slow and that I should be done before everyone because I was working with someone (she just came back after a month or 2 of not working) and that I need to hurry bc the store was behind. my 2nd day was told the something, and I decided during lunch that I would not take my last 15 min break because I was put on the toy isle with 3 big pallets, and my team lead come over and told me I need to hurry up. she was talking to some other worker while drinking coffee and laughing, so I accidentally back talked and told her that she could help me if she's standing here talking to me about it. so I quit after my shift.
my 3rd job was at cefco being on the deli on Jan of 2023 and I lasted a month there. the first 2 weeks were actually good, I was working with a friend. then after that I realized that everyone always asked me to do this and that while worrying about my own area. slowly they realized I would say yes to anything and willing to cover anyone in deli that called in, we were also short staffed. those last 2 weeks I was crying from the moment I woke up, off and on during work, after work, and before I went to sleep. it eventually got to me when I started to throw up from anxiety and then I just went up there on my off day and quit. they asked what all they could do to make me stay since I was good, but I told them that nothing would work out. and I didn't work for a year to work on my mental health
now I just started my 4th job, at the same walmart as before, for the janitor position. it's been almost 2 weeks and I already want to quit. the job isn't hard, but I realized that I stress out very easily over everything. when I'm off, I can't seem to rest because eim thinking about work. I also keep going back and fourth with the job. one min I'm like "he'll yea, I think I can last long enought til I can get in a phlebotomist classes and find a job for it too," then literally 5 mins later im crying and i want to quit the job and just end up running away and living in some forrest and fending for myself. I was applying for jobs about 4 or 5 months before I heard back from this job. I honestly didn't want it but my parents were starting to ask when I would work again since its been a whole year already. I was wanting OGP or maybe even the overnight janitor, but they only wanted me for the morning shift. I knew from the interview that I shouldn't have taken the job. I was told that the before me, they had 4 people who didn't last longer than 3 weeks due to attendance. I wasn't sure what to think about it just because why apply for a job and then stop showing up after the first week or 2, but i cant say anything since the longest job i had was only for 2 month. I ended up taking it anyways because my family needs the money, but I'm not really into money like everyone else. I was told that people mainly quit due to the bathrooms, and so far they haven't been as bad as I imagined. it's the unknown about getting called all over the store. this past Friday I was supossed to work with someone else, but he called in sick. I immediately started to go in flight for fight mode because no one was coming in until 1, and I work 7am-4pm. during my first 15 min break, I cried, like really badly. I called my mom and she talked me down and telling me that it's going to be OK. I called the accommodation number but I feel like even then it won't help. I was talking to people in a support group, but I didn't feel any better afterwards. I'm tired of feeling like this, I know it's just my brain and how it overthinks and overreacting to anything. everyone has been so nice and telling me that I will last long because im good at this job and it's only been 2 weeks. I know this is new job anxiety, but I can't help but wanting to leave. I just want to last long enough to get some money to try phlebotomy and see if that's a good career for me.
it's not like I don't want to work, I want to help my parents out and to be able to be on my own, but if this keeps happening then I don't know what I'll do with my life. I've been told everything and tired everything to get it under control, but I guess my mind and body was born this way and I can't do anything about it. I'm not too big on money either, I do want a few things but even then I probably won't get it. I'm already looking for other jobs, but I really need money for the phlebotomist course that I want to take, and even then I don't know if that'll last long. I was told by my therapist that I tend to think of what ifs and my mind tends to be in flight or fight mode if anything gets me just a little bit stressed. he's helped me so much and I'm very grateful for him.
I felt great during the year I didn't work. my mom had injured herself and I ended up doing almost everything around the house. I took my brother to work, made his lunch, and get him food or anything he needs. my sister is in college so I would take her to and from college, took her to any place she had to go for college. I took both my siblings to our appointments or took them shopping for whatever they need for work or school, or if they just wanted to get out of the house. I would go do the grocery shopping, take care of my other cousins (ones in high school and the other is in chandler), went with my dad a few times to his work when he needed help, take my cats to the vet. I pretty much did everything besides cook, but the last month of me being jobless, I was learning how to cook more from my mom, and just did anything that needed to be done.
I was wanting to work and was applying like crazy and never getting a call or email back. I thought I was ready for a job since I felt great mentally and physically, but now that I have one I feel like it was a big mistake and should've just waited for another job to call back.
tdlr; i(f20), had 4 jobs and I seem to not last longer than a month due to anxiety. i liked how I was when I was jobless, but family needs money. regret new job and want to quit after 2 weeks.

I know it’s dumb and everyone says high school relationships never work out but I real thought he was “the one.” He treats me well, his family is nice, we spend every weekend together, spends money on me, have a lot in common regarding our interests and the future. But there’s a lot of things I’m unsure about.
A little background: We go to the same tech school, same grade, same shop so we have one week where we spend every day together and another week with a few classes together a day. We live in different cities but still spend time almost every weekend and have been together almost 10 months. My parents like him and his parents like me.
But there’s a lot of things that bother me and I just don’t know if I’m crazy for feeling the way I feel. I’m just gonna list some things that felt off to me and I just want some advice on what to do. I feel like he’s controlling and extremely jealous and even though we’ve talked about it all of the talks end in either me being too sensitive or 100% wrong, us just having different opinions on something, or a different talk where we’re “working our flaws out.”
A list of some things:

1. He’s made me cut out most of my friends in my life because they were guys. Some of my friends I had been friends with since I was 12 and were online friends that I just played video games with every once in a while. The first group I wasn’t sure about but still cut off anyways because our age differences (they were in their early 20s) made him uncomfortable. Another group was cut off for a similar reason, but he gave me the choice to “do what I felt was right” so I didn’t block them after he suggested it and told me to do what I felt. The next day he saw on my phone I didn’t block them and became absolutely livid with me and upset that I don’t know what the right choice is and that I’d want to have other guys in my life.
   
2. One time his friends came over his house and I was supposed to meet them and try to become friends with them. I met them, talked to some of them and one of his friends and I had a lot in common so he asked for my number and I gave it to him since he was my bfs friend and my bf said to try and make friends. When my bf found out about it he became really upset, accused me of “liking” his friend, told me that he couldn’t trust me anymore, accused me of possibly cheating on him in the future if “that’s the way I act with guys” and became extremely upset. He still brings this situation up when he says he can’t fully trust me and it’s just brought a lot of issues. I thought it would be okay since he said to become friends with his friends but apparently not.
   
3. I’m not allowed to talk to ANY guys. If he thinks I’m talking to one (even in a friendly way in school) he gets mad. I don’t care as much because I don’t have any friends in school since my friend group graduated aside from one girl but it’s become more apparent what my bf feels recently. A couple of months ago my school Chromebook broke and I brought it to IT to get it fixed. Dropped it off, was ready the next week and I went to pick it up with him because it was after lunch on our way back to shop. I picked up the Chromebook and said “thanks, have a nice day” to the guy that fixed it and my bf immediately got upset with me. The guy that fixes it used to like it but I’ve always shut him down and he hasn’t tried talking to me in over a year. He had an issue with the fact that I was friendly to someone that used to like me. I thought I was being friendly to someone that literally helped me by fixing my Chromebook. That’s just one specific case but he doesn’t want me to talk to anyone. He doesn’t even want me looking at other guys. If I’m looking out the window of the car or van and a guy walks by he’ll get upset with me, sometimes jokingly, that I’m looking at another guy.
   
4. I was over a friends house with my friend group that graduated. He called me, I didn’t see, responded 10 mins after, he got mad. He got mad because I was with guys (and 3 girls but he fixated on the men) The only reason he let me go is because that’s the friend group I have with my brother. He later told me his parents were making fun or him for being at a party with a lot of guys. It was a get together with maybe 4 guys, 3 girls, and my brother. I was playing UNO with them and didn’t see his call. He accused me of a lot of things and god mad that I was ignoring him even though I checked my phone almost every 5 minutes the entire night, ruining it for me.
   
5. (The situation that’s made me rethink a lot of things) We went to prom together. Right before prom he had a conversation with me talking about how if I ever won prom queen I shouldn’t accept it because it would be wrong of me to be crowned with another guy next to me. He said he would do the same and never accept it if he got crowned since it was the “right thing to do.” Prom came around, we went together, he kept leaving me to be with his friends which upset me because I have no other friends that go to my school and I went with him, but they’re his friends so I let it be. I asked him multiple times if he wanted to dance but he’d say no and run off to his friends. He’d say I was in a bad mood and acting off whenever he came back to check in on me and would just tell me I’m being weird then leave again. I had a terrible night alone and hr decided he wanted to leave. As we were leaving they announced the prom royalty and he won! Woo! Good for him, I was happy he won but also upset at him. Not because he was crowned with another girl, I couldn’t care less about that, but because he set expectations on me if I won and on himself but didn’t follow through with what HE said himself. Felt like he was a hypocrite. Had a bad night and felt weird.
   
6. We argue a lot. You can probably guess it’s about jealousy or something. I cry almost every week if not more because of them. He’s told me I need to work on my sensitivity issues, and I am really sensitive but is it really wrong of me to cry when I’m getting yelled at about something I didn’t think was wrong? (Like telling someone thank you)
   

There’s quite a few more that I’m probably not thinking of but those stand out the most to me. Am I really doing something wrong? Is it salvageable? Every time we have a conversation about something like what I mentioned above he mentions that he’s working on his issues and that no relationship is perfect. He have to grow with each other and help each other. I’ve seen some very very small changes, he let me go to a concert once because my brother was going with me, and when I got back wasn’t mad at me but also said that even though he trusts me he doesn’t trust the people around me and doesn’t know if I actually cheated on him or not. (I have never and would never cheat)
I feel like I know what the right thing to do is but the main thing I struggle with is not knowing what’s going to happen. He was my first kiss, my first relationship, and we lost our virginities to each other. I’m emotionally attached to him and would lose too much if we broke up. The other issue is that we’re in the same shop and have a few classes together. If it does end it’ll be really bad to still have to see him every single day for another entire year. My also parents work at the school we go to and I’m also one of the top students in my school. My biggest worry is that he’d try and ruin their or my reputation. I don’t think he would but I don’t want to risk it. I also don’t know what the future holds. What if he really is “the one” and I can never find someone better than him. He treats me really well aside from his jealousy issues and I feel like things aren’t all that bad. I just don’t know what to do. I really don’t want things to end because I really like him and there’s a chance we could work through things together. I’m just at a loss.
tl;dr I think my boyfriend is jealous and controlling but we have classes every day together and I don’t know what to do.

I know sensory issues are common, even expected with autism. But amongst the autistic people I know — mostly moderate (some low) support needs at my day program and other acquaintances— I have WAY more severe sensory issues.
I could go on and on about how this affects me. This is a very mild example but was the first that came to mind:
My day program recently changed their protocol for lunch. Previously, the program participants could order food from a restaurant. Most people chose salads or pasta dishes. Now, we have catering that serves essentially school lunch in big metal carts. The food is very spicy and fragrant. The smell permeates the air for several feet.
I cannot stand to be near the food due to the horrible smell — I couldn’t even dream of eating it! I’m considering if I can even be in the same facility while the food is out. The other participants eat the food and seem to enjoy it enough, and they don’t complain about the smell.

So I've been into these systems for three years now, but I've recently come to doubt my whole typology. I'm not going to say what I've been typed as before though, because I'd like to avoid bias.
It'd be cool if you tried to type me in other systems as well, such as Enneagram, Socionics, Psychosophy/Attitudinal Psyche, Big 5, Temperaments, Jungian...

1. I'm a very closed off person who needs a lot of time to recharge since people wear me out, but I've been told I come across as a highly energetic, hardworking and overall as an inspiring and determined person. For instance, I always strive for the best, even if that means sacrificing my comfort (like going to one of the best universities in my country even if it's like over 100 km from home and I have to wake up at 5 AM everyday), and I'm always passionate about pursuing something to improve myself, because I'd hate to feel like I'm wasting time lazing around.
   
2. People see me as someone responsible to rely on, they have told me I'm a good listener and understand them well, I give honest advice while also taking into consideration their feelings and reactions (I don't want to come across as offensive and insensitive), and in general I like giving a good impression. I mean, I can't stand fake people, but I still feel it's important to portray yourself in a good light. I think you must treat others the same way you'd like to be treated, that is, with respect (but, of course, if they cross me, I'll act spiteful towards them, since that's what they deserve).
   
3. Despite trying to be reasonable at all times and doing my best not to come across as overly emotional, I'm very anxious and tend to catastrophize, so while it's not usual, when it happens, my outbursts are strong. Then, I feel like trash after it all happens, since I perceive it as me having made a fool of myself. My feelings tend to escalate quickly, and sometimes due to something that it's not THAT important, so it's helpful to have someone slow me down and help me see the big picture. I can also be too straightforward as well, to the point that I sometimes end up being reckless. For example, there has been multiple times where I suddenly felt the urge to insult someone because they did something that offended me; in those cases I fortunately had a friend to shut me up and distract me from it because they know I might not be able to wait until they're out of sight to complain about them.
   
4. While at a distance I might seem intimidating and stern, people close to me see me as innerly soft, sensitive and pretty much a romantic prone to sentimentality. I've always had a hard time with processing emotions, because since I was a kid I've been taught "emotions are for the weak", so I tried to repress them. It wasn't until I discovered my passion for poetry that I finally learned to come into contact with them and understand them without shame. Currently, I feel like I have an easier time expressing myself and I'm not as repelled of my own feelings like I was in the past... Many people have actually told me, to my surprise, that my face is amusingly expressive, like I'm transparent even if I try my best to hide myself from the world. That said, I communicate my feelings through poems, so while I'd like the other person to take the initiative in this regard, I'll try to reciprocate it my way.
   
5. However, I can also be quite passive and insecure when I feel oppressed and vulnerable in my environment (I feel like the whole world is against me in such circumstances), so I tend to walk on eggshells most of the time just in case. I'd say I'm mostly awkward, and I never know how to interact with my surroundings properly. If I've done it well, it's likely that I've just been lucky. This has led me to be isolated most of my life, and despite the fact that I currently have some connections with people, I feel like it's still not enough. I'm very private, secretive, and harbour trust issues; but I also crave intense connection with people I've taken a liking to (after a long time assessing if they're trustful enough for me to grow attached to them, since I place a lot of value on loyalty and suffer a lot when those close to me suddenly disappear from my life). I'm really compassionate with others, so some people have taken advantage of my kindness to then stab me in the back when I least expected it, which has made me become outwardly distant and unapproachable through the years (when the truth is that I'm just terrified of people). I've always had this impulse to help and protect those in need when they couldn't stand up for themselves, so it's curious how much compassion I could feel for others when I couldn't feel it for myself. Anyway, I still hold those around me to high standards, which I apply to myself as well.
   
6. On the other hand, I place a lot of value to my appearance too. Like poetry, my own style is a way to express who I am as a person, and I can't understand nor find myself attracted to people who don't care at all regarding this part of themselves... It's as if they're neglecting one of the most important ways to make themselves appealing to both themselves and others. For me, it's also a way to feel better about myself, since the attractiveness and health of the body is just as important as that of the mind.
   
7. Now, I suck at everything related to numbers or economics. They're so boring and uninteresting to me that my brain shuts down when something related to it comes up (I already suffer enough in law school whenever I'm forced to do subjects involving financial law or the like). I've always been more drawn to humanitarian subjects like languages, literature...
   
8. I'm highly impatient (I get easily frustrated when something doesn't go my way like "it's supposed to", and I can grow envious and resentful towards someone that did it better than me), irritable (I'm peaceful until something or someone crosses me), and pessimistic (if something remotely bad happens, then that means it's all doomed to fail). I can be intolerant as well, easily despising someone others might be indifferent to, and I've been told to be impulsive too when I fail to guard myself from what makes me react aggressively either to others or myself. In addition, I cannot deal with people that are too aloof to descifer, like it's obvious they're keeping something from me, but they will lie and tell me "it's okay" while it's obvious that it's not, and their facial expressions are so dull that I won't even be able to extract the minimum out of them. In such circumstances I might flare up to try to get them out of their shell in order to know whatever they're hiding away from me; but that typically ends up driving them away from me further (which pisses me off to no end). I like straightforward people who are not cowards and will make things clear from the beginning, even if it hurts.
   
9. Regarding my mannerisms, they're mostly stiff, instead of smooth or soft. As I said, I come across as energetic even if I slept 4 hours that day, I walk and talk VERY quickly (people who speak and move slowly get on my nerves), and I can be very expressive and loud if I'm feeling comfortable enough with the person I'm with (I can even look extroverted next to my quieter friends). I also don't have any shame at all when it comes to myself; I can talk about anything weird or rant about my nerdy interests and creepy fixations to the point of becoming obnoxious without giving a damn about the reaction of the other person. I may even enjoy making the other person embarrassed and teasing them, since it's hilarious. Fortunately, I'm good at eliciting interest in others, so oftentimes I can drag them into the abyss of my obsessions and teach them all about it.
   
10. Aside from poetry, my other interests are varied. For instance, I also love reading old books, writing stories, creating original characters and researching whichever area of interest I'm into at the moment. I like to maintain an active lifestyle too. In the future, I strive to become financially successful (that's why I'm in a career that is going to bring me a lot of opportunities), independent, and travel and learn as much as I can to improve both myself and my talents. I'm overall a very individualistic person, but I'd like to meet more people who align with my values as well; without at least someone by my side with whom I can share myself I become depressed.
    

I'd appreciate it if someone is willing to try to type me via chat too, if that's more comfortable for you.

How do the poets present the effects of conflict in Poppies and one other poem?

In this essay, I am going to explore how Jane Weir presents conflict as affecting someone not directly involved in war by analysing how Weir presents the mother of a young soldier feeling during a war. I will contrast this by discussing how Simon Armitage presents someone directly involved in the Iraq War (Guardsman Tromans) as being mentally scarred by his involvement. I will mainly focus on how war effects people emotionally / mentally, whilst also exploring how Armitage presents the physical effects of conflict in Remains. Additonally, i will consider how the idea of propaganda during wartime affects how people feel about the conflict.
In Poppies, Weir decided to make the poem be through the lens of a mother. The name of the mother or son is never given, rather she utilises vague pronouns such as “You” to describe the son, perhaps this was deliberate as to make the poem reflect a universal experience, which may highlight how many people conflict can effect, therefore presenting conflict as having a major effect, not just on the people fighting it, but everyone. Also, “Armistice Sunday” is a combination of Armistice Day and Rememberance Sunday, perhaps Weir has left the war being remembered ambiguous, as to increase the number of people who share this experience, yet again foregrounding the sheer number of people who have felt this way. It creates the impression that Weir has made this poem to act as a microcosm for the shared experience of every mother with a young son going to war, therefore reflecting the sadness and fear those not fighting in the war feel, raising the awareness of this issue to those who hadn’t considered it as a result. In contrast Armitage created Remains to highlight the experience and effect of conflict on only one person – Guardsman Tromans. Remains juxtaposes Poppies, since Remains cannot really be seen as an attempt by Armitage to reflect a common experience from war. This is because the poem can literally be viewed as a first hand account from Tromans himself. This may be indicated by the fact that Armitage has made the poem have an unreliable narrator, which can be interpreted as Tromans himself trying to distance himself from the “looter” that he killed, as if it will alleviate him from the guilt and psychological effects of the killing. This is seen at the start of the poem where the looter is described as being “Probably armed, possibly not.”. Here, two adverbs “Probably...possibly” are utilised in short succession to foreground how Tromans is trying to make himself believe that the looter was a danger to him, which would give him a reason to kill the looter, however, the comma acting as a hesitation and “Possibly not” suggests Tromans believes the looter couldn’t hurt them. When coupled with the fact that Tromans is so clearly emotionally disturbed by this moment, one can interpret that the man was not armed, perhaps being the reason for Tromans guilt.
Also, in the first half of Remains Armitage presents the physical effects of conflict by describing the brutal murder of the looter. He creates a semantic field of agony and suffering which contrasts the playful imagery created before “Tackle some looters...”. As a result the death of the looter is foregrounded via the juxtaposition, as it would have made the reader shocked. Also, the verb “Tackle” suggests that Tromans before the murder may have not viewed war that seriously, perhaps indicating he has been so greatly disturbed by the murder as it made him realise the war was real. It also gives connotations to the WWI propaganda poet Jessie Pope, who convinced many young men that war was “a game”. The idea of propaganda affecting people during conflict is explored in Poppies too. In the first two stanzas it is unclear whether the mother is sending a child of to school, or a young man to war. This may suggest how the mother was affected by propaganda, since she is not immediately frightened by her son going to war. Additionally, the son is described as being “Intoxicated” when the world is presented to him. This verb may suggest the young man as being almost drunk on excitement, like he himself believes that the war will be a fun game, rather than a horror. Whilst it may seem the mother also believes the war may be a “game”, Weir utilises biblical imagery through the hair of the boy being described as “gelled blackthorns”. “Blackthorns” may allude to the crown of thorns Jesus wore during his crucifixion. As a result, it could be inferred that the Mother thinks her son is being sent to war as a sacrificial lamb, undergoing great pain to ultimately assist in salvation (ending the war).
As discussed earlier, Armitage creates a semantic field of agony through the way he describes the looter’s death in Remains. An example of how this is achieved is through the declarative metaphor “I swear, I see broard daylight on the other side”. “I swear” suggests that Tromans wholeheartedly knows the severity of the murder. This further suggests just how significant the mental effects of the war have been on Tromans, as he has replayed this scene so many times he is fully sure this happened. “Broard daylight” is visceral imagery created by Armitage, suggesting the man was shot so many times there is a hole big enough to see daylight on the other side. This is coupled with the euphemism “Sort of inside out”, this almost suggests that the looter was in such a bad state that Tromans cannot even bring himself to describe the image, or that his vocabulary is this limited, which foregrounds how this experience is uniquely his, as the narrative voice reflects Tromans own. By using these techniques, Armitage presents the physical effects of war as being strong enough not just to kill someone, but to completely destroy the body itself.
Finally, both of the poets highlight how the effects of war are long-lasting on those affected. In Remains, Tromans’ PTSD is shown in the second half of the poem. This is after the volta “And then I’m on leave”, Armitage suddenly includes a volta after the description of the murder to show Tromans’ poor psyche due to his PTSD. Whilst in the first half, Tromans clearly recounts his experience with high detail, the second half shifts in topic and location suddenly, suggesting that Tromans is entering and exiting the world, perhaps the “drink and drugs” he is self medicating with are causing him to lose large track of time. But i think Armitage does this to show how Tromans’ PTSD occurs so often and suddenly. It also explains how Tromans is able to recount his experience in Iraq so clearly. As he has replayed the moment so many times, showing how conflict affects people long after the fact. Similarly, in Poppies the mother hopes to hear her son’s “Playground voice”. This suggests the mother wanting to remember her son as a child, we can interpret he is dead as she is at the “war memorial”. By doing this, Weir creates the impression that the Mother has, and never will have closure regarding her son’s death, as she wants to hear him one more time. We can infer his death was a result of war, therefore showing how war effects people after it has ended, since people are still grieving for those who died in the process.
In conclusion, both Weir and Armitage present war as having long-lasting powerful effects, both emotionally and physically in Armitage’s case. They present how war has wide-reaching effects, as well as arguably stronger effects on individuals directly involved in conflict. The theme of propaganda stemming from conflict affecting people is also suggested in both poems.

I know sensory issues are common, even expected with autism. But amongst the autistic people I know — mostly moderate (some low) support needs at my day program and other acquaintances— I have WAY more severe sensory issues.
I could go on and on about how this affects me.
For example, my day program recently changed their protocol for lunch. Previously, the program participants could order food from a restaurant. Most people chose salads or pasta dishes. Now, we have catering that serves essentially school lunch in big metal carts. The food is very spicy and fragrant. The smell permeates the air for several feet.
I cannot stand to be near the food due to the horrible smell — I couldn’t even dream of eating it! I’m considering if I can even be in the same facility while the food is out. The other participants eat the food and seem to enjoy it enough, and they don’t complain about the smell.

I know sensory issues are common, even expected with autism. But amongst the autistic people I know — mostly moderate (some low) support needs at my day program and other acquaintances— I have WAY more severe sensory issues.
I could go on and on about how this affects me. This is a very mild example but was the first that came to mind:
My day program recently changed their protocol for lunch. Previously, the program participants could order food from a restaurant. Most people chose salads or pasta dishes. Now, we have catering that serves essentially school lunch in big metal carts. The food is very spicy and fragrant. The smell permeates the air for several feet.
I cannot stand to be near the food due to the horrible smell — I couldn’t even dream of eating it! I’m considering if I can even be in the same facility while the food is out. The other participants eat the food and seem to enjoy it enough, and they don’t complain about the smell.

I know sensory issues are common, even expected with autism. But amongst the autistic people I know — mostly low/moderate support needs at my day program and other acquaintances— I have WAY more severe sensory issues.
I could go on and on about how this affects me.
For example, my day program recently changed their protocol for lunch. Previously, the program participants could order food from a restaurant. Most people chose salads or pasta dishes. Now, we have catering that serves essentially school lunch in big metal carts. The food is very spicy and fragrant. The smell permeates the air for several feet.
I cannot stand to be near the food due to the horrible smell — I couldn’t even dream of eating it! I’m considering if I can even be in the same facility while the food is out. The other participants eat the food and seem to enjoy it enough, and they don’t complain about the smell.

So me and my best friend have been well friends for about a month. In that time I've always was willing to help her with school work, be someone to talk and ask for advice, and just try and make her happy and more confident in herself. Id write her poems and draw her pictures to show her how much I care. I'd be nice and sweet to her. She would be their for me to talk to and have fun and have goofy conversation with.
She's really the only person I trust and the person I can really talk to. Hell she saved my life and stopped me from starving myself. We both say we love each other as friends and we tell each other good morning and good night everyday. We both really care and trust each other. We even started to fake sexting to tell ppl we are dating just to troll for giggles. We even Talk about living with each other and I told her that she could and is a part of my family, even if my family doesn't know it.
I always tell her that I will protect her and take care of her and help her. She says she's happy and thankful for me and the stuff I want to give her and what I do give her. And I think like her. She talk about her ex a lot which I don't like and other stuff about male parts which makes me uncomfortable.. My friend told me that she told him that she's thinks I'm smart, nice, funny, kind, sweet and very talented. But she also said that I'm not her type. She told him if I do like her that she wouldn't want to hurt me.
I want to tell her how I feel about how she can make me very uncomfortable and how I like her. But I'm scared something bad will happen and I don't really know how. I'm scared the way I take it is going to ruin what we have. I'm also scared she's gonna misread me and thing something that's not actually happening. Please help me out here.

October 24, 1966
Phil La Follette Vandenevenhoueven was an average 16 year old in Green Bay. He lived on the West side of town, an affluent neighborhood to be sure. It was another day back to school for him after the weekend. He was eating lunch with all his friends, having ordinary teenaged talk. Phil VDH (as people would call him instead of his full verbose last name) was, like so many other children his age and younger, named after Phil La Follette, someone he had never met and never particularly thought much of other than having been named after him. Phil VDH was one of 15 other Phil La Follettes in his high school class of 250, so most actually just called him VDH, or "V" when that letter didn't confuse him with the three other Phil La Follette Vs in his school.
He was eating Lunch with the La Follette Youth, as was the custom. It was not that large of a group, unusual for a high school in a large city of Wisconsin, but they were of course looked up to. La Follette Youth was not the chess club; they didn't let just anyone in. Typically one had to be sponsored by both a party member and a current La Follette Youth member, and the party in Brown County was quite a tight knit group, organized around Dominic Olejniczak, president of the Packers, Mayor of Green Bay and General Secretary of the Wisconsin Progressive Party of Brown County. On paper, the leader of every chapter of La Follette Youth was Philip La Follette, but in reality it was typically run by the county party's general secretary or his designee.
Amidst the cacophony of sophomoric lunch banter, a large shriek went out. Wailing was heard. After a few moments of confusion followed by eerie silence, someone resembling a school principal solemnly screamed, "LEADER PHIL HAS DIED!"
And then came more wailing. More uncontrollable sobbing. Hardest hit was the La Follette Youth, where young boys began sobbing uncontrollably like infant children.
So was the scene all throughout the People's Republic. Later on the evening of October 24, Chancellor Gaylord Nelson, acting President as well, announced to the nation, and by extension of the world, that the People's Republic would remain in mourning for six months. An intensive period of mourning would begin immediately and last for two weeks, with only the most essential of government offices and businesses being permitted to remain open. A state funeral would be held at the end of those two weeks, and all world leaders would be invited to attend.
He further announced that an election would be held in April of next year, and that he would act as both President and Chancellor until Leader Phil's successor is elected and installed.