I can’t sleep. I am so excited. A little bit tipsy from the rehearsal dinner and hanging with friends after. I just cannot believe that it is actually here. I’m going to try to sleep soon. Months and months in this sub and it’s finally here. AHHHH!!

This actually happened in 1992, when I got married. Boy, it’s a doozy. My MIL, we’ll call her Brunhilda of Loonyville, LOVE LOVE LOVED me until….i showed her the engagement ring. Yup, you guess it, my husband is the second of two boys. She refused to go to our wedding shower because her being Italian (her excuse) “it’s bad luck“. The baby shower either! (Several years later). Fast-forward to the day of our wedding. Brunhilda walked into the vestibule of the church, where my sister and the other bridesmaids are with my dad waiting for me to enter. My mother-in-law walked in and, while she was waiting to be sat down, saw my six-year-old niece chewing gum. my mother-in-law decided that she needed to walk over to my niece (in front of her mother) and yell at her for chewing gum in church and told her to spit it out! Then my mother handed her her corsage. which she swiftly threw on the floor and said to my mother “I wanted a wristy corsage!” Next, she ran into my little sister (who has been going to nursing school and was unable to go to the rehearsal dinner the night before) and snapped “ Nice of you to let me know you weren’t coming to the rehearsal dinner.” We had informed my mother-in-law my sister couldn’t make it because she had a nursing test. also, we didn’t do a rehearsal dinner where we needed a number. She chose to have the rehearsal dinner at my least favorite Chinese restaurant. So, no prepaid for meals. Fast forward to the reception where my mother-in-law‘s table is 10 feet directly in my eye view. And she is slumped over on the table, bawling her eyes out as if she is at a funeral and all her friends comforting her. I hated My wedding!
34 years later, she’s 90 and still driving me nuts! I am DEFINITELY Going to heaven!

I’ve been best friends with sally since second year of undergrad. We’re now in our early 30s. Our friendship had one hiccup in the past but we’ve been strong since. We’ve travelled to so many countries together and have been there for each other. We also went through dental school together. She recently got married and within the past year id say is when I started to get really turned off by her behaviour.
Before she got engaged, she was very distant and barely made any effort to hang out or update me on her life, which didn’t bother me much bc we’re both adults and have busy lives. Then she got engaged and made me her MOH, which surprised me tbh bc we haven’t been as close recently. She didn’t have any expectations from me other than making a speech at her wedding. But I took it upon myself to plan her bachelorette fully. I planned the entire thing for months, and ended up splitting the cost with the other two girls that joined so that sally wouldn’t have to pay a cent. I made sure everything we did aligned with what she would want to do so she would have the most fun. What surprised me was that for the entire 5hr drive home from the bachelorette she didn’t say thank you once. Then the next day she texts me saying “tell me how much I owe you” I reply saying “nothing it’s on us”, I get crickets in return. No response. No thank you, nothing.
Anyway I dismissed it as her wedding was approaching and she had drama with her in laws so I figured she’s stressing. Wedding day comes closer and she plans a rehearsal dinner. No invite. Till the day of the wedding I had no idea what is happening, what time she needed her bridesmaids, when and if I’m making a speech, etc. I know nothing. I know she had a rehearsal bc a groomsman told me they had one and he showed me the wedding schedule. How embarrassing that I (the supposed MOH) had no idea what’s going on.
Day of wedding comes, and it’s in a different city about 3hrs away. She originally told us she needs us with her at 11am so I got a hotel room for three nights bc driving there the day of would be too stressful. Then day before, I ask her again to clarify what time she wants us, and she changes it to 1:30pm. Had I known I would’ve saved on one night of paying for a hotel room in a big city, which Ofc is expensive. Anyway again, I assumed she’s too busy and stressed out with wedding stuff.
Wedding day is here, me and the rest of the bridesmaids are all showering her with attention and love etc. during the ceremony, I ended up almost passing out from standing on my feet in heals for so long. I quietly walked away before I passed out, took a breather and went back to the front. Not once did she even acknowledge that I almost passed out from standing for her ceremony. I had strangers ask me if I’m okay and offer me water and food. Nothing from her even tho she did realize that I almost fainted. I gave my speech. She didn’t say anything about it. The only thank you we (the bridesmaids) get from her is just in the bridesmaids group chat. Nothing one on or.
Anyway she goes on her honeymoon the next day, and I catch up with her when she gets back and get her a house warming present. She gets me nothing from her honeymoon. Which knowing her, is very strange bc she is the type to get everyone and their mother a souvenir when we travel together.
Fast forward 8 months, we hangout again and she starts telling me about how much money some of her coworkers gave her and it makes me start thinking that maybe she thought I didn’t give her enough as her MOH. I gave her $600 for 3 ppl that attended. Not a crazy amount but also not cheap. I feel like she was def making a point to say that even her coworkers gave similar amount to me.
Am I over analyzing or is ending this friendship justified? And before you ask, no I didn’t speak to her about any of this as I find it awkward. Her actions speak for themselves. Idk why she made me her MOH, maybe bc I have $$ and could throw her a bachelorette? I feel like she’s more of a fake friend than anything.
Any input is appreciated.

We are getting married in San Diego next year, and I am hoping to learn more about what to expect in terms of planning and costs. I will admit that I know practically nothing about the wedding industry. I am hoping that those who have recently held weddings in Southern California (ideally in San Diego) can let me know if the prices I am estimating are currently accurate. I have reached out to several vendors in each category, and have a total cost estimate of $65,900.
We are planning to invite about 100 guests, mostly adults with perhaps a few children attending.
The venue will be Darlington House in La Jolla, San Diego. Darlington House only allows catering from an approved list of vendors, so that limits our options.
But if there are any tips/tricks/areas where we could save that stand out, please let me know!

Name	Cost	Description
Venue	$8000	8 hour total, reception and ceremony, and $800 extra fee to take photos in certain areas
Valet Parking	$2000	The venue does not include guest parking
Furniture and Decor	$9000	bar to serve drinks, 10 tables, 100 chairs, linens, chargers, candles, plates, flatware, lounge area (couches and coffee tables), outdoor games, etc.
Twinkle lights	$2000	lights over the dining area outdoors
Flowers	$5200	Bud vases at each table, bridal boquet, bridesmaid flowers, ground flowers for ceremony
Food	$12500	Plated catering for 100 guests. BYOB alcohol and 2 bartenders.
Alcohol	$2500	Caterer provides BYOB service and bartender, we provide beewine/spirits for signature cocktails. Estimating that guests will drink roughly 7 drinks per person so 700 total drinks
Dessert	$1000	$400 wedding cake (two layer) and $600 coffee and dessert/snack cart
Wedding Coordinator	$3500
Music - DJ	$1250	4 hours, during reception
Music - Guitarist	$600	2 hours total - 1 hour, during ceremony 1 hour cocktail hour
Photographer	$4800	8 hours, and engagement photos to be taken at some point before the wedding
Videographer	$5000	8 hours
Bridal Wedding Dress	$3000
Entertainment	$1200	$600 belly dancer, $600 photo booth
Bridal makeup and hair	$550
Rehearsal Dinner	$2400	Restaurant and drinks for 30 guests (bridesmaids, groomsmen, family)
Wedding Day breakfast	$500	Breakfast on day of the wedding for 30 guests (bridesmaids, groomsmen, family)
Hotel	$900	bride/groom hotel rooms 2 nights

My middle child eats very few foods. My oldest eats almost everything after her picky phase.
The rule in our house is that you have to try what is made, if you don't like it then you can make something else. This has been going on for years.
For reference we make extremely delicious food. (To the point we can not enjoy eating out anymore).
My middle child will usually eat toast (homemade bread only) with hot sauce for breakfast when the option is a full spread.
Lunch, she will almost always have mac and cheese with hot sauce. Sometimes, it will be nuggets with hot sauce or leftover pizza. With an orgain milk.
Dinner, she will repeat a lunch option after trying the food and spitting it out. Unless we make sauce and pasta, homemade mac n cheese or beef stew.
Out of ideas... suggestions appreciated.
There are a few other foods she will eat, and fruit but at this point, my husband and I just get angry when she won't eat anything we make. The reason is that our 1 year old can not even try most foods because of a highly restricted diet. So to see her refuse good food, our littlest one can never have is too much.
Also, I don't want to cause her to have food issues, but she already has them.

In hindsight, I should have known something was wrong with The Caeles Academy of Acting.
Maybe the fact that it doesn't exist to the outside world.
This place prided itself on famous alumni it didn't actually name, and a once in a lifetime opportunity to work with the best in the business.
It's what I wanted.
More than anything.
After enduring four years of high school with barely a semblance of a drama club (we met every month, and our teacher was an alcoholic), and countless failed auditions, I was ready to take my acting career seriously. I had one year.
According to my parents, I had one year to make a living from my passion.
If it didn't work out, I would be on the first plane back to Connecticut.
It's not like they didn't trust me. I think they were just scared I wouldn't be able to financially support myself. So, I got a job right out of high school and slipped a year. Drama schools are expensive, and college’s are cut-throat on who they take on. I found Caeles Academy by accident–or, I guess it found me?
After researching cheap drama classes, auditions, academy’s, literally anything to progress my career, an ad popped up.
Not exactly flashy.
Just a date, a time, and a promise that they only take the best. I ignored it, but throughout the week, I started getting more ads. Just the words, “IMPRESS US - - JOIN CAELES ACADEMY NOW.”
Followed by, “BE WITH THE BEST, AND BE THE BEST. JOIN THE S CLASS NOW.”
When I googled the academy, nothing came up.
It didn't exist, at least on Google.
So, I gave up, clicking on the ad, which sent me straight to an application form.
I filled in my details as more of a joke. But I wasn't expecting to get an email back. Again, it was a time, a date, and that exact same tagline: “Impress us.”
However, Caeles Academy was different from what I imagined.
I was expecting a university building, or at least some modern structure.
Judging from their marketing and ads, I figured they could at least afford decent premises. Though I was mistaken. When I stepped out of the Uber, I found myself staring at what looked like an abandoned office tower, a red-brick monolith in the middle of nowhere.
Which was crazy, because I swore a girl wearing a bikini had strode through the doors, with nothing but her phone, and a coffee tucked under her elbow.
According to the text sent from the academy, the auditioning rooms were on the third floor.
Tipping my head back, the checkerboard of broken windows didn't exactly instil confidence.
Neither did the clunky set of automatic doors that took a while to open.
It was a summer's day, and the heat was already baking through my dress, sweat sticky on the back of my neck.
I wanted to make a good impression, but the heels were a little over the top.
Though I had also seen a girl casually walk in wearing a two piece bikini.
“Well?”
Freddie’s voice made me jump. I forgot I was on the phone to him.
After being excited the whole car-ride, already high on five coffees, I was silent.
If I perceived the ‘academy’ from an objective standpoint, it definitely looked like the perfect place to be brutally murdered. But my own personal opinion was it was.. okay.
“What's it like?”
I pretended not to see a rat scuttling under an old candy wrapper.
“It's… fine.”
“Just fine?”
I could hear the smirk in my friend’s tone. He couldn't wait to tell me it was a scam, and had been reminding me all week I was essentially willingly selling myself to the black market. I was stubborn, so, fine sounded better than my initial first impression.
Which was to turn around, walk away, and completely block the place from my memory.
Unfortunately, at that moment, I valued my pride over my awareness.
“It's… okay.” I said, trying to find positives. I was staring at a looming grey building with shattered windows and a resident rat living near the door.
I had a hard time figuring out how the girl from earlier had just casually strode inside, barefoot too. I glanced down at the ground, immediately regretting it.
Like there weren't bits of chewing gum and grime stuck to the concrete.
“Huh.” Freddie said, his tone creeping into teasing territory. “You're really selling it.”
“It just looks like a building,” I muttered, my gaze glued to the rat, who looked a little too comfortable.
Maybe it was a pet.
I was getting progressively more infuriated the more I stared down this place. Judging from the decades old writing ingrained into the door, it used to be a dentist surgery. “What do you want me to say?” I wasn't even trying to hide the scorn from my voice. “It's a building that looks like an academy.”
“Can you send a picture?” Freddie asked, “Ooh, wait, I'll face-time you.”
“That's, uh, that’s not really necessary–”
I was cut off, suddenly, when a guy threw himself through the automatic doors, palms first. He took two stumbled steps forwards, one back.
Lifting his head, half lidded eyes found the sky, before he dropped to his knees, heaving pinkish liquid.
I could see him trying to hold it in, slamming his hands over his mouth, only for it to splurge through his fingers, showering the ground in greyish pink froth.
Like he'd downed a bottle of Pepto Bismol.
Inching towards him, I realized it was Pepto Bismol.
The stink made my own stomach churn.
“Missy?”
I found my voice. “Uh, can I call you back later?”
Before my friend could answer, I ended the call, slipping my phone in my pocket.
The guy was still heaving, coughing up globules of pink.
“Are you okay?”
The sound of my heels click-clacking on concrete made me cringe. The guy noticed, flinching away. Closer, and I could see his scraggly blonde hair.
He was handsome.
Without the bile spewing down his chin.
Early twenties, wearing a fitted white shirt now covered in streaks of bright pink. Part of me wanted to make a half-hearted joke, but getting even closer, so close I could smell his pepto-breath, I noticed he was trembling, his hands clenched into fists.
When I attempted to awkwardly pat him on the shoulder, he twisted around, so fast my morning coffee slithered its way back up my throat.
His eyes were wide, almost feral, studying me like a wild animal.
I noticed the whites of his pupils were red, like he'd burst a blood vessel.
Theatre kids were intense, though I had never met THIS kind of intense.
“Are you… going in there?” The guy’s voice was a child-like whimper I wasn't expecting.
It looked like he was slowly regaining clarity, staring down at his filthy shirt, his hands stained bright pink.
I nodded, uncertainly, offering him my water. “Yeah. Did you audition?”
He shoved it away, slapping himself in the face. “I… I don't know.”
“You… don’t know?”
Suddenly, it was like something had contorted in his expression, a switch being pulled. I wasn't expecting him to twist around so fast. The guy slowly cocked his head, his lips breaking into a grin. His eyes, however, stayed the same.
“Of course I've auditioned.” He said, with a laugh.
“It was the best experience of my life!" His mouth formed an almost mocking frown.
“Unfortunately, I didn't make the cut. Which is a real shame. I'm sure Caeles would have benefited from my talents.”
What was weird, is that his mouth was moving, but he wasn't even looking at me, frenzied eyes caught in an oblivion I couldn't see.
When he did look at me, his expression crumpled all over again.
Pepto jumped to his feet, brushing himself down.
I couldn't take his over the top smile seriously, when his eyes were screaming, hollowed out caverns silently begging me to listen.
This guy was fucking crazy.
“Wait.” Pepto whispered, when I turned to walk away.
He pulled out his phone, tapping the screen before shoving it in my face.
I HAD SO MUCH FUN AT THE CAELES ACADEMY AUDITIONS :)
When I could only stare at him in confusion, Pepto’s gaze flicked to his phone, swiping bile from his lips.
His eyes went cartoon wide, like he couldn't believe what he himself was typing.
“That… that's not what I was trying to say!” He tried retyping it, but the guy was just writing strings of emoji hearts.
I didn't know what to say. I had dealt with rejection before, but I had never gone this far. Pepto was having a full on mental breakdown, his body shuddering, teeth chattering, blinking eyes and lips parting as if to speak, but choking on his words. When he started clawing out his hair, I took the opportunity to make a quick getaway.
Before I could make it to the doors, though, Pepto jumped in front of me, waving his phone directly in my face.
“Just…” he pointed at the screen. “It won't let me…” Growing frustrated with himself, he let out a wet sounding sob, clawing his fingers through his hair.
“Fuck, it won't let me…it won't let me type! It's not letting me type!”
By now, he had tufts of hair stuck between his fingernails. I don't know why his first reaction was to immediately try ripping his hair out.
A quick glance at my own phone reminded me of my audition that was in five minutes.
Meanwhile, I was dealing with what I was pretty sure was delusion, denial, or a mixture of both.
I was considering pushing past him, when Pepto’s phone screen hit me in the face. Again.
This time, though, there was coherent writing.
“FIND LUKE.”
“Luke?” I said. “Who's that?”
“Luke!” The guy was bouncing on the heels of his feet. “He's my…” Pepto drifted off, his eyes going vacant, as if I could physically see his brain being plucked from his skull. Pepto dropped his phone, and I grabbed it before it could hit the ground. His hands went to his curls, clawing, scratching, until he was drawing blood across his forehead.
“I… I don't know! I can't… I can't remember. Luke. He was my… he was my… I don't know, I can't… I can't–”
I stumbled back when he let out a shriek, scratching at his face.
“Fuck!” He whimpered. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!”
Pepto grabbed my shoulders, shaking me, his fingers digging into my skin.
“I don't know who he is.” He gritted out, pink froth pooling from his lips.
Pepto broke out into a sob. “I don't… I don't know who he is, but you can find him, right? You can… you can find…”
Again, he trailed off mid sentence, his hands going limp around my shoulders.
I managed to side step him, swallowing a cry.
“Yeah, I'll, um, I'll find him for you.”
Pepto backed away, suddenly, stumbling over himself.
His gaze found mine, vacant, like a baby deer.
“Find who?”
I didn't wait around to answer him, pushing through the doors and stepping inside.
The interior was unsurprisingly even worse than the exterior.
The elevator was broken, so I had to run up three flights of stairs.
I expected at least an attempt at an academy, even in the dregs of an old dentist surgery.
What I got, though, was a never ending staircase, obnoxious photos of teeth greeting me on every level.
The third floor was… less clinical.
I strode directly into a waiting room filled with college aged students, either sitting on plastic chairs, or standing around, rehearsing.
The room itself was cosy enough, a navy carpet and a TV playing a random Twitch stream.
Situated in the middle was a desk with a bored looking woman behind it.
Her smile was fake. I could understand her pain. She was stuck in a room with theatre kids all day.
“Sign here.” She prodded a sheet of paper.
I was convinced her voice was AI.
While I was scribbling my details, I took a moment to notice the stark difference from the kids entering the room, to the ones leaving. The kids entering wore wide, confident smiles and were social butterflies, chatting amongst themselves.
The kids leaving reminded me of pod people.
They left the room silent, in an orderly line with dazed smiles on their faces, like they weren't sure where they were.
I watched one guy walk directly into the wall instead of taking a left toward the exit, and a girl straight up just toppled down the stairs.
The kids waiting with me named them rejects.
I wasn't convinced until I glimpsed an empty bottle of Pepto Bismol sitting on the floor by the window.
Thinking back to Pepto, that made a lot of sense.
I was still dazedly staring at the bottle, when my name was called.
Jumping to my feet, I did my best to calm myself down, straightening my ponytail. Pepto had really screwed with my head. I could barely even remember the lines I had been rehearsing for a week straight.
I was muttering my lines to myself, when I stepped through the door.
The door that apparently turned you into a pod-person on the way out.
For a moment, I thought I was blinded by stage lights.
It was so bright.
The glow bathing me was clinical, stabbing into my eyes.
When I blinked, I found myself standing in front of three shadows sitting in front of me.
Their chairs were made of leather, far different from the plastic ones in the waiting room.
So, they did have filthy cash.
I was looking at one man, and two women.
They were… average?
I expected them to be more glitzier, but they were just regular people.
The man was in his late twenties, maybe early thirties, a stiff looking brunette wearing a suit and tie, one leg crossed over the other. His eyes were narrowed slightly, lips curved into the start of a smile. Like I amused him.
The women were polar opposites.
One of them was my Mom’s age, grey hair and floral clothing. She took a sip of water, her gaze burning into me.
Google told me not to be intimidated by their stares, but it was impossible.
These people were carving holes into my skull.
Sitting next to her, a younger girl who seemed to own the color red.
Her hair simmered, blood red, while she herself was sculpted in a dress, perfect cherry lips spread in a wide smile.
With a little too many teeth.
They studied my face like I was already theirs, drinking in every inch of me.
Freddie said I had to find a weakness in their expression and use it to my advantage.
If I could find the prick of a genuine smile, I could become their favorite.
“Hi!” I said. My caffeine intake was starting to take effect.
I didn't realize I was bouncing up and down until I caught myself.
Red’s smile stretched wider.
Maybe they liked my eagerness.
“My name is Misa.” I introduced myself, staying casual, keeping my arms by my sides. “I'm twenty one years old–”
I choked on my next words when Red spoke up. “Impress us, Misa,” Her voice was a smooth, almost seductive rasp, and I felt myself fall into it, enveloped in sugar that was too sweet, and yet I couldn't stop myself. She folded her arms across her chest, her gaze challenging me to do something different. To make her want me.
“Show us something we have never seen before.” She stood up, cat-like eyes narrowing, “Show us how desperate you are to join this prestigious class.”
I nodded, and began.
I had planned a whole monologue, practised it over and over again, forcing Freddie to judge me with a none biassed opinion.
I was three lines in, when Red started laughing.
“Stop.”
I did, my cheeks heating up.
She clapped loudly. Obnoxiously.
“Sweetie, oh, stop, you're adorable!”
She leaned forward, like I was something that entertained her, jostling her heeled foot. “We don't take amateurs. I think you need to go back to school.”
This woman was definitely a psychopath.
Empty eyes sparkling with a gleam that definitely enjoyed humiliating candidates, and a twisted smile that was a little too wide. Red made me want to crawl into the ground.
She made me want to turn around, leave the room, and quit my dream. I was aware of my own fury, my embarrassment turning my cheeks crimson. I matched her.
Maybe that's what she wanted all along. To wear the color of her victims.
Taking a shaky step back, I started to nod, started to agree, my mouth choking with the words, “You're right. I'm sorry for wasting your time."
I had never received proper constructive criticism from a professional standpoint.
Which meant I really did suck.
But I didn't move. I didn't want to move, and Red continued laughing, her companions sitting in silence.
The man rolled his eyes with a loud, exaggerated sigh.
Like I was boring.
The older woman pulled out her phone.
“Misa, you are…cute.” Red said. “But you're not quite what we are looking for.”
I wasn't sure I could admit it right there, but she made me feel things.
Like I was ignited.
Like I was going to prove this crazy bitch wrong.
I found my voice, strong and confident, despite my hammering heart.
“Give me another chance.”
Red’s lips curled. “So cute, Misa. Oh, sugar bear, It would be better if you left the room. Unless you want to embarrass yourself further! In that case, be my guest!”
She turned her attention to her nails, nudging the guy.
“Dinner?” She hummed. “I'm thinking of Italian. You are quite the wine connoisseur, Nicholas. Why don't you introduce me to your favorite?”
“Hey.” I blurted.
They ignored me, getting a little too close.
I don't know why I continued, reading my lines, screaming them, so I would be heard. I read them perfectly, and tweaked the genre from drama to romance, and then to horror. I became three different characters, a high school girl struggling with cancer, a final girl, and a woman going through a divorce.
I was fucking perfect.
But they weren't listening to me, caught up in their own conversation.
I tried again.
And again.
And again.
By now, I was on my knees, my fingers ripping into my hair. I was seeing red.
“We want originality, Misa,” Red said, sucking her teeth.
Her voice crawling into my skull was enough.
She still wanted me.
The thought polluted the back of my mind, taking a strangling hold. She still wanted me. When I lifted my head, Red wasn't looking at me, her gaze on the table grains. “Show us something new.”
I got to my feet, panting, my breath in my throat.
I became a screaming, strangled mess, a woman who lost her baby.
Red’s interest was piqued. Only slightly. Through my fraying vision, she slowly turned in her chair. “Again.” She clapped her hands, “Come on, Misa! We want new! We want never been fucking done before! Are you deaf?”
I couldn't stop the sobs escaping my mouth.
They lost interest again, right in the middle of my reading.
“Why can't you look at me?” I found myself spluttering.
When the man pulled out a bottle of water, I yanked off my heel and lobbed it at his face.
“Look at me!”
He did. Slowly. His gaze found me, for perhaps the first time.
Not as an amateur, but as a potential candidate.
Around the twentieth attempt, I started to laugh. Never been done before? I could feel my fingernails already in my scalp, clawing chunks of my hair out.
Reality contorted, and I felt myself drop to my knees. I was still laughing, spluttering, sobbing. I could still hear her in my head. Never Been Done Before. I started slowly, dragging my fingernails down my face until I felt the harsh sting.
“Again.” Red said, and her voice led me to stare down at my hands, at pinkish flesh glued to my bones, fleshy mounds that I had never realized was so thin.
So easy to tear. I didn't even feel it.
Only the sudden, unbridled euphoria of biting into my own skin, locking in my jaw, and ripping into myself.
When I tore it from the bone, warmth filled my mouth, and I was choking, guzzling down my own flesh, mulling it in my mouth and swallowing.
I can't remember how I got so deep, and why I didn't stop.
Why I didn't fucking scream.
But it didn't matter.
Red was standing up. She was clapping, her lips spread into a grin.
Her applause filled me with stars.
So, I ripped my hair from my scalp, a hysterical giggle escaping my lips.
She loved me.
I could see her jumping up and down, clapping.
Louder, and louder.
Her applause controlled me, twisting and contorting me into hers.
I didn't even think. I wanted to impress her, and doing this was doing just that.
My fingers were delving into my right eye socket, clawing my eye out. It didn't even hurt. Not with her thundering applause that was deafening, beautiful, an orchestra in my ears.
When I was semi conscious, my eye was crushed in my hand, but my vision was still mine, almost too clear. I could see streaks of red blurred between my lashes. My hair was caught between my fingers. But I wanted to do more.
When I stumbled to my feet, Red’s smile was so beautiful.
The man, however, looked horrified.
“Someone grab one of the successes,” Red’s voice was a shrill giggle, “Bring him in!” she clapped her hands together, and I spat out a fleshy thing. “I want to see them together! I want to see the future in front of us!”
Footsteps coming towards me in slow, shuddery thumps. I looked up, and a shadow was dancing around me.
When I slowly rose to my feet, I half realized I’d bitten my toe off. The shadow had a face, a boy who was younger than me. I think he used to have hair, but half of it was gone, half of it was still stuck between his fists. When I found his eyes, I found twin caverns instead.
Eyes that were still physically there, and yet there was no life.
No spark.
I was staring at a dead body, a flesh puppet who had lost his strings.
When he grabbed my hands, pulling me into a waltz, I caught a smear of scarlet trickling down the back of his neck. When I followed it upwards, his head was covered, slick, dripping with red.
Like me, he matched her too.
And he was beautiful, she told me, her push, her thunderous applause, guiding me into a waltz.
His feet moved, perfecting every step, and my foggy mind couldn't understand why. He matched my every move, the two of us floating across the floor.
My feet knew the steps before my mind.
How could he dance? I thought, dizzily.
How could he dance, when smeared scarlet followed his twisting, and turning and pirouetting feet?
Because underneath that swimming clinical light, the back of the boy’s head had been carved away, a perfectly sculpted cavern where his brain should have been. I could see the severed stem, where it had cleanly plucked out.
His fingers cradled in mine were wet. Swimming in blood.
His own blood.
Spinning round and around, I imagined myself as a princess.
I saw an 18th century ballroom lit up around us. Glittering smiles and glasses of champagne, long, flowing ball gowns.
I blinked, and my head was tipped back, gliding in blood once again.
When he pulled me to his chest, I stumbled, and a name came to light.
Luke.
I had found him.
Our finishing spin left me hard to breathe.
My body was broken, ripped into, and yet somehow not.
By the time we were finished, the two of us bowing, my mind was full of fog.
Cotton candy.
“Congratulations!” Red’s smile was inhuman, stretching right off of her face.
“You're in the S class!”
I was led through a door that wasn't the one I entered from. Inside the room were a dozen or so students, kneeling on the floor. They were missing parts of themselves, like unfinished puzzle pieces.
I dropped onto my knees next to a girl without a head. I could only see her torso, but I knew she was smiling.
Looming over us, was the goddess Athena drenched in blood that was still wet.
Dripping, pooling from every crevice of her dress.
Looking closer, this statue was moving.
Something sickly crept into my mouth.
Her right eye was human, a twitching eyeball sandwiched inside the stone.
It didn't match her. It was wrong, horrifying, like a painting, a real human eye struggling to focus on us.
And then, my own gaze found the statues head, where a real human brain had been forced inside perfect white, pink, greyish mush dripping down the sculpted, slender neck.
I could see where it had been pushed, pulverised through the stone.
The statue’s singular eye found me.
Its dancing pupil jumped up and down.
Before it blinked.
Next to me, Luke was on his knees, as if in prayer.
I can't remember leaving the room.
I just remember running.
Back down the stairs, stumbling, staggering over myself.
I was screaming by the time I reached the doors.
They opened, as usual.
But I couldn't get through. I tried, but I was slamming into something I couldn't see.
Pepto was still waiting outside. The sky was dark.
When he saw me, he stumbled over, slamming his hands into the glass.
I couldn't even understand myself. I was just fucking screaming.
Pepto held up his phone.
“DID YOU FIND HIM?”
I shook my head.
“No.” I lied.
I can't tell him the truth. I don't even know what it is.
“I can't get out!”
Pepto nodded slowly, typing something and showing me his phone.
I'm getting you both out of there. I think I know how I can get inside.
It's been 3 days, and Pepto is yet to return.
I’ve tried multiple times to cry out for the H word. But it won't let me type it.
Please H me. I need to get out of this place.
Fuck. Get me OUT OF HERE.
Classes start tomorrow.

So I need two dresses for an upcoming rehearsal dinner and wedding and I'm debating if it makes more sense for me to go the subscription route or just do two rentals. At first, the subscription seemed the most logical since it would be cheaper than the two dresses I am interested in but after reading some of the posts here I am having second thoughts. I'm concerned about the availability of these pieces with the subscription. When I filter by 'subscription', I do see that the dresses are available but is there any way to see if my size is available before subscribing?

Chicago, renowned for its vibrant food scene, is home to some of the finest steakhouses in the United States. From the sizzle of a perfectly seared ribeye to the delicate marbling of a dry-aged New York strip, these establishments offer a symphony of flavors that cater to both traditionalists and modern epicureans. Join us as we explore the city’s top steakhouses, each offering a unique dining experience that showcases the best in beef.

Boeufhaus: A Modern Classic

A Blend of French and German Flavors

Boeufhaus, located in the Ukrainian Village, seamlessly combines French and German culinary traditions. Opened in 2015, this restaurant has quickly become a favorite among meat lovers. The menu is concise yet exceptional, featuring dry-aged New York strips and ribeyes that are meticulously prepared. Boeufhaus is also known for its superb lunch offerings, including deli sandwiches and the innovative short rib beignets. The intimate setting and attentive service make every visit a memorable experience.

Gibsons Bar & Steakhouse: A Quintessential Chicago Institution

Mammoth Cuts and Iconic Desserts

Gibsons Bar & Steakhouse is synonymous with Chicago dining. Established in 1989, Gibsons has built a reputation for serving mammoth cuts like the 48-ounce porterhouse and the 32-ounce tomahawk chop. With locations in the Gold Coast, Rosemont, and Oak Brook, Gibsons is accessible from various parts of the city. The restaurant also features grass-fed Australian beef and an impressive selection of seafood. A visit to Gibsons is incomplete without indulging in their famous chocolate cake, a decadent treat that perfectly caps off a meal.

Artango Bar & Steakhouse: A Taste of Buenos Aires in Chicago

South American Flair and Live Entertainment

Nestled in Lincoln Square, Artango Bar & Steakhouse transports diners to the vibrant streets of Buenos Aires. This Argentinian gem is celebrated for its grass-fed beef, including ojo de bife and short ribs, all served with traditional chimichurri or oyster-malbec sauce. Artango’s lively atmosphere is enhanced by live tango performances and 1920s-themed décor, making it a feast for the senses. Steak flights offer a fantastic way to sample multiple cuts, perfect for sharing or indulging in a variety of flavors.

Swift & Sons: Elegance and Innovation

A Contemporary Take on the Classic Steakhouse

Swift & Sons, located in the West Loop, is a creation of the Boka Restaurant Group. This upscale steakhouse reimagines traditional steakhouse dining with a modern twist. The menu features signature items like steak tartare, beef Wellington, and a chocolate trolley filled with assorted desserts. Swift & Sons is also known for its impeccable service and sophisticated ambiance, providing an ideal setting for both business dinners and special occasions.

Bavette’s Bar & Boeuf: French-inspired Sophistication

Timeless Elegance and Exceptional Beef

Bavette’s Bar & Boeuf offers a luxurious dining experience with a French flair. Situated in River North, this steakhouse is part of the Hogsalt Hospitality group. Bavette’s menu includes a 42-day dry-aged ribeye, complemented by classic sides and sauces like béarnaise. The restaurant’s sultry, dimly-lit atmosphere makes it a romantic choice for dinner dates or intimate gatherings. Bavette’s also features an extensive wine list and expertly crafted cocktails, enhancing the overall dining experience.

Maple & Ash: Decadence and Drama

A Steakhouse with a Flair for the Theatrical

Maple & Ash, located in the Gold Coast, is where opulence meets culinary excellence. This two-story establishment features an open kitchen, multiple bars, and an outdoor patio. The steaks, wet-aged for 28 days, can be topped with luxurious accompaniments such as burrata, foie gras, or black truffle-sautéed lobster. Maple & Ash’s dramatic décor and lively atmosphere make it a standout destination for those looking to celebrate in style.

Asador Bastian: Spanish-Inspired Delights

A Fusion of Spanish Tradition and Chicago Charm

Asador Bastian, found in River North, offers a unique take on the traditional steakhouse by infusing Spanish culinary elements. Created by Doug Psaltis and Hsing Chen, the menu features steaks with a distinctive al pastor-inspired fat, giving them a smoky, flavorful edge. The restaurant’s historic setting and exceptional wine list make it an ideal choice for celebrations and special occasions.
Chicago’s steakhouses are a testament to the city’s rich culinary heritage and its willingness to embrace innovation. Whether you’re in the mood for a classic porterhouse or an inventive take on beef, these establishments offer something for every palate. Each steakhouse on our list brings its own unique flair, ensuring that your dining experience will be nothing short of extraordinary.

Anyone have any restaurants in Scarborough/Markham area they recommend
? Looking to hold a rehearsal dinner on a Thursday evening for 35 people. Open to any cuisine. Bonus if there is a private room. Thanks!

Hi!! I was hospitalized in July 2022 for strong (but excessive) stomach pain. Diagnosed as pancreatitis, had no liquid diet and was home in two days. This time, started feeling a little burning sensation and then woke up feeling like someone was slashing my stomach. Got to ER and threw up than I have in my entire life. I'm now 5 days at the hospital. Stomach pain is largely gone although have tiny flare ups. Started a no liquid diet, then went on to light liquids like apple juice and then today, to what was supposed to be a low fat diet. Breakfast, small scoop of scrambled eggs, two thin French toast and an English muffin were passable but filled me up. Then lunch was black beans and brown rice, a thick slice of pork and peas. Immediately felt bloated and horrible. All I had for dinner was apple juice. MD says it was natural to feel bloated, not having eaten in a few days. My gut feeling is that he's wrong and I should go back to liquids. My question is weather I should do no liquids or light liquids? I appreciate any advice. PS--I feel fine now but no desire to eat

I've gotten into the habit of watching livestreams of the Eras tour and I have so many questions. I think a documentary that spans the entire tour would be fascinating, like a behind the scenes exploration into the planning, production, and execution of the tour. Here's just a random sampling of things I would find fascinating to learn about Taylor and company.

• How many outfits did she have in total? What was the inspiration behind changing colors in certain tour stops?
• I LOVE the opening costumes for Miss Americana, how do they keep the fabric flowing upward? How hard was it for the dancers to navigate it the first time?
• What did everyone do on their off days? What kind of outings was Taylor able to engage in with and without her crew?
• How did Taylor curate the surprise songs for each stop?
• When did she know she had to add TTPD to the European tour? How early did they start rehearsing for that?

I'm sure there's articles written everywhere that touch on some or all this and other random things, but I think it would be fascinating to hear it from her, her dancers, her singers, her band, her crew, etc. What's something you would like to see covered in an Eras Tour documentary if it was ever made?

I left the military in 2017 and went from 220 to 270. Not blaming anyone but myself.
Currently using the app and so far this is what my daily battle rhythm looks like:
Breakfast: 3 eggs scrambled, 2 pieces of bacon, coffee (half and half creamer)
Snack: either banana or apple w/ 2 teaspoon peanut butter
Lunch: great value toasted o’s (zero sugar) one cup w/ unsweetened almost milk, golden raisins, and chopped banana
Snack: banana or apple w/ 2 teaspoon pb
Dinner 8 oz meat (any) with 2 handfuls of greens (spinach and kale grown in my backyard).
I admit i need to improve water consumption right now. Activity is low, needs to improve, but mealwise, what needs tuning? Appreciate your time.
Edit: calorie intake is around 1800 a day.

Hello community. I am recovering from a recent break up with someone I met on a dating app 2 years ago. I had observed the guy to be especially stingy and selfish during the dates which was off-putting and wasn't attracted to him at all when we went out on 3 dates, after which, he sent me a text saying he doesn't think we are headed in a romantic direction and wondered if I'd like to stay friends. Since we were both new to the city and wanted to explore it further, I thought it isn't a bad idea to stay friends.
After being friends for a year, he asked me out after I told him about a bad online dating experience. It stood out to me that he chose a moment of my vulnerability to ask me out on a date again, saying he was attracted to me after watching me dance. I didn't reciprocate as I wasn't feeling right about it and didn't want to ruin the friendship that was developing with him. His relationship history was also a factor that kept me guarded. He had been with a woman on again off again over 10 years. He said she was an avoidant and he felt the relationship was over when he tried to move cities for her and she asked him not to and broke up with him. The other reason I didn't feel confident in him was as he seemed to have many surface-level friends from his coworking space but no close friends who really know him. His best friend and partner moved to the city a few months ago but even there something didn't seem to add up. He never seemed to accommodate to their needs (e.g. their dietary restrictions and hence never hosted them for dinner), and criticized them for being not as social and outgoing as he would like them to be.
After two months into our relationship, wherein he had made a few more attempts to 'proxy date', we had an argument over me wanting to move out of the city, where he made it about himself and how I am not considering how important he is to my life. He called the very next day and over 2 hours on the phone, apologized for his tone and his outburst and said it was only because I am so dear to him that he felt badly about me wanting to move. Something shifted in me after that call and I decided to date him.
The first month was magical- he told me he loved me and that I was the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He introduced me to his parents over a call and I introduced him to mine, although typically, I'd have waited for a few years before doing that on my side as culturally it'd mean more to introduce him to my parents. We also talked about moving in to his place. He would proudly show me off in front of his friends from his coworking space but only focus on superficial details (job, appearance) and not the qualities for which he decided to be with me.
A month later, things started to shift. He said he didn't want to move in with me because he doesn't feel ready. When I pressed for an explanation, he said it's because we had an argument and he is no longer sure of me the way he was before. He also said that moving in wasn't a 'commitment' from his side and was merely an idea we'd been discussing. This is where my alarm bells went off. I clearly remembered him offering to put me on his lease as I wasn't comfortable to just move in without any formal paperwork. This led to our first major conflict within 2 months of being together. When we tried to resolve the conflict, he sat next to me and talked to me in a low, cold, impersonal tone, like he was in control, while I was distressed and wearing out with a conversation that seemed to be going nowhere for hours. Ultimately I broke down and gave away a vulnerable detail from my past relationship. He then asked what would reassure me in the relationship with him and I said any indication that he isn't pulling away from his overall commitment to the relationship. He then laughed and said okay, we have reached a resolution! His laugh was so unfitting to the cold/distant way he was behaving for the past few hours, it scared me a little. I wanted to leave his apartment but somehow thought maybe I am overthinking and that I should give him a chance. Every time we'd have an argument, he somehow focused on my reaction (crying, raising my voice), than what we were actually fighting about (him pulling away from commitments), leaving me feeling blamed and confused.
I noticed on more than one occasion that he couldn't provide care. When I was feeling low and called him requesting him to come over, he'd say "I am watching xyz show" or first say he'd come over and call up a few hours later and say "I am tired and if you're feeling better now then maybe I won't come today". I started to feel uncared for and lonely in the relationship.
As time passed, I noticed that he tried in very subtle ways to adopt his best friends as my friends. He kept saying "I don't want you to think they are my friends, I want them to be your friends too. You are new to the country and this will help you". Again my instincts warned me there was something off here, even though his friends appeared sweet and friendly and had been in his life for 10+ years. There were days when our previous argument about moving in resurfaced and we were having a bad day, but once we'd reconciled, he would compel me to socialize with his friends even if I said I needed some downtime/ time alone. When I got through a good university and told him about the news, he had a lukewarm reaction. He then went to these friends and took some advice after which, he showed up at my place with what sounded like very rehearsed lines of supporting my academic pursuits (without moving cities or taking any risks in the relationship- he suggested a long distance relationship).
In the past month I noticed being on eggshells around him, being confused about my thoughts and memories and blamed myself for the conflicts we were having. I raised these with him and broke up with him saying my emotional needs aren't being met. He didn't take any responsibility for his part. He often also brought up my anxiety issues/ trauma during arguments packaging it as concern for my wellbeing. His reaction during our fights/disagreements, he said "I can't cycle through arguments- I don't want to be that kind of a couple", "I can't change who I am, if I am not meeting your needs there's nothing we can do". After we broke up, I got a message from his best friend's partner who said she understands we are going through a difficult time and that she is here to support me if I needed a friend for a walk/ talk. I fell for it thinking she genuinely came across as a caring person. When I did meet her for a walk, she seemed to shut me down if I tried to talk about the breakup or my reasons for it and said focused on how much he cared for me and wants to remain friends with me.
I spoke to him after the walk saying somehow meeting his friend's partner felt uncomfortable. He admitted she had just gone over to his place before seeing me (she never mentioned it when she met me). It seemed to be a way for him to retain contact with me and reinforce his side of things in the breakup. He also kept insisting we stay friends as I meant a lot to him. I told him I was uncomfortable with the idea as I am hurting.
I shared all this with a trusted friend who said I may have been in a relationship with a narcissist. Would be great to get any insights from you if this seems to be the case. I am seeking help to recover from this as I often find myself still questioning and blaming myself.

(my post originally from CharlotteDobreYoutube)
I will try to keep as many relevant details in here as possible without going too far off track, since the history with us and with her is utterly a novel. This is long, but worth it, so here goes.
11 days before my wedding I kicked out two bridesmaids (A and M.) This meant I had two left (E and L.) It started with bridesmaid A who asked if her boyfriend could wear a cowboy hat to my wedding. Mind you, my wedding venues were a church for the ceremony and a beach front venue for the reception. I told her that I did not want a cowboy hat in my photos or in my wedding, that that was not the vibe my husband and I were going for, and it just didn’t fit either venue’s décor or environment.
A bit of a backstory – A is not in the best position financially. She was dating her boyfriend for like 2 months before she got pregnant. He promised her a better life closer to his family, she believed it, got fired from her $50k/year job, left her first child w/ her ex-husband (Child 1 was supposed to be my flower girl, whose dress we also bought,) they moved from State A to state B, they don’t make much money. They now have the newborn that they can barely afford while living in a camper.
Before A asked about the cowboy hat, she asked about jeans. I did not want denim at my wedding. Denim is not formal. She said he was going to wear the same outfit to the wedding as his grandmother’s funeral. Fine, not a big deal. I told her if they are black jeans that is fine since from a distance they will look like slacks. (I gave her an inch and she was definitely looking for that mile.) She kept going with it and I eventually said, “I did not want denim, but I made the exception for you two.” And she said “Yeah, it’s not like we could have afforded anything else anyway.” I felt the tension and left it alone for the night.
The next morning, she texted me that she was hurt, that I had an attitude basically and I’ve been acting some type of way, she again brought up the money situation. I tried to be understanding and that I know they are not in the best position financially, but a lot of my family is not, and I know a lot of people are spending quite a bit to get where we are for the wedding (about half our guests were coming from out of state.) I also said I wanted everyone to have a great time and I was sorry if I came off any type of way or insensitive. This was not good enough for her. She decided to say that a wedding was about celebrating our love and if I was focused so much on a cowboy hat my priorities were in the wrong place. I asked her what was going on because this was clearly not about a cowboy hat and she avoided answering. Also did not tell me anything else it might have been about.
She said ever since planning the wedding I have been micromanaging, acting proud, and some other accusations that made no sense. I had no idea what she was talking about because a lot of the decisions my husband and I needed to make were taken care of with both venues – food, DJ, set up, breakdown, clean up, etc. A also said she had been talking to M about the way I was behaving, and that the cowboy hat was the final straw. (What’s that even mean? If I was bothering you with things, why didn’t you tell me so I could fix it or change the way I was approaching things?)
Somewhere in the midst of this whole thing, she said her daughter (Child 1) would just be uncomfortable in her dress and wouldn’t sit still for more than 30 mins (A lie, I have been around her and she is well behaved,) and also said her boyfriend does not like to eat in front of people (Arms must be tired from all that reaching) and all around is just making excuses, trying to call my bluff about this; if the boyfriend can’t even wear the cowboy hat to the reception, then they probably just go fishing after the ceremony, and not even come to the reception. She also said we could have helped with her shoes. In many other words, I told her just because we make more than her does not mean we owe her anything and told her almost everything we were paying for. Then told me to chill and that I was probably emotional from the planning and everything going on. Basically, gaslit me when she was the one that literally threatened not to come because of a cowboy hat. She brought up money again like five more times and how they’re broke – so clearly this is about money.
Husband and I bought the dresses, fronted the Airbnb we needed to get ready in, we fronted hair & makeup without asking for anyone to pay for their portion, bought gifts, A’s plane ticket (she paid us back the next day,) and many other things for our wedding for the bride and grooms party so everyone had a good time, knew they were appreciated, and felt like the event was worth the traveling and time.
Throughout my wedding planning, I pretty much planned everything with my husband, and we asked for hardly any input from anyone since no one was really available, no one was close, and it was just easier. So the whole micromanaging comment made no sense to me. I was doing my best to be flexible and understanding of finances for A, not as much for bridesmaid 2, M, but a little. She was also in a state 3 time zones away from me, so her plane ticket was not cheap.
I have known this girl A for six years. I am crying at this point. It’s the afternoon, I have to get final headcount to the reception venue for catering THE NEXT MORNING. I am texting my mother, bridesmaid E, friend D, a group chat on messenger, and I have not told Husband yet. Every single one of them was on my side. E said, “If she is this way now before your wedding, imagine what she is going to be like on your wedding day.” And being the desperate person I was, I said to friend D “I know this is shitty and a horrible circumstance but if I needed you to be a bridesmaid, would you? The dress color and material are still available on [Vendor’s site.]” She said absolutely. I felt terrible for asking but I trusted her.
M now comes in. She was busy at work so she could not respond to the chat as much, but I was keeping a lot of the chat between A and I because I did not think M needed to be involved. A kept bringing the chat back to the group chat. She brought enough back to the group chat that M picked up on some stuff and basically agreed with A, she said I was being insensitive, and “At least she asked you before she did it.” I’m sorry, what?
Backstory for M – A few months earlier she said she was upset I did not officially ask her to be a bridesmaid and did not think it was worth it to come to my state for the wedding because it would be the second time she is here with her boyfriend but not for them; like not for their own reasons such as a vacation. We had a conversation when I started planning and I asked if she would be comfortable ordering a dress for me to see what it looked like. She said “Aww you want me to be a bridesmaid?” I said “I thought that was obvious!” So maybe it’s a thin line, but she went shopping with A and I, went to try on dresses with her, and LET US BUY HER DRESS. She could have said something beforehand that she did not want to, rather than just thinking she had to. She also was not going to be there for the rehearsal since there was a concert in her state rescheduled for two days before my wedding and she was not going to miss it. Understandable since she would have had to get up at 5 am or earlier the night after the concert to get to my state sometime Thursday evening or Friday afternoon. I did not like this, but I accepted it because she also said “I think I’ve been part of enough weddings to figure it out, -insert laughing crying emoji-
By this point husband also called me for something, I don’t remember what, but I eventually said to him “I don’t think I want either A or M to come.” He said “Okay, whatever you need to do. I’m fine at this point.” I summarized the events and he said “If you want to burn everything to the ground I don’t care, that’s fine with me.” I stewed on everything for a few hours but I knew what I had to do.
I let it sit, I said nothing else, I went to run an errand, I was on the way home, told D when the rehearsal and dinner was, asked if she could make it, she said yes. I told her to order her dress, called the florist, I told them I needed one less bouquet, and got home about 30 mins later. A few hours later I said to both A and M, basically, “You know what? Never mind. I don’t want either of you to come. This is my wedding, we are paying for everything, and I was not wrong. I do not deserve this treatment. It is not my fault A you made shitty decisions and can’t afford anything and M you planned a wedding before, how can you agree with her?” and quite a few other things. (Told them both to send back the dresses but ultimately did not end up caring and said they could do whatever they wanted with them later.) A then said I was attacking because I was frustrated. No, A. You made shit decisions and you’re taking it out on me now. M called me and I didn’t answer. (She was married before, divorced now. Whole other fucking story.)
The other kicker? A kept her flight to STILL COME SEE HER DAUGHTER and was going to need a CAR RENTAL ANYWAY, and A HOTEL ROOM with her boyfriend. So wait, was it NOT actually about money? I don’t even know anymore.
Anyway, D got her dress by Thursday or Friday the same week, we went shoe shopping a few days later, and she bought her own shoes, too.
My wedding party on my wedding day had three girls that were super supportive, loving, and made my day a whole lot easier. They were by my side, made me smile and laugh, and made the day so much more special. I have screenshots, by the way. If anyone wants them, I can attach them to a google doc and have you see them, haha. Just PM me!

I have stopped talking to my family recently with the exception of my sister(f20) and self exiled to a strange city in China near the sea.
I have always had a twisted relationship with my parents for my whole life. And due to an irrelevant reason, hold a grudge against them. So I am afraid that this intense negative emotions might cloud my judgement on this issue.
In the act of avoiding bias, I need to firstly play their advocate. They came from a rather sterile background and poor educated. Moreover, before I moved back in China, I have lived in New Zealand for over a decade, got my citizenship and married. They paid for my tuition fees and living expenses. I am grateful, truly. That’s why this is quite a conundrum for me.
The thing is that I started to doubt the decency of my father based on several incidents happened to me and my sister, which frankly gave me a shock. My sister told me that once she went to a Tuesday dinner with my dad and his rabble friends. In an intoxicated mood, he demanded my sister to toast one of his friends. It’s half buried tradition in East Asia btw, to show your respect to your elders. Already uncomfortable by the situation, my sister refused. My father crudely blurted out, in front of everyone on the table, “What? You didn’t wear your bras?”
Another incident occurred to me. The enticement urged me going back is that my mom’s constant complaints about her health. In my blinding worry, I forgot how controlling and toxic she was. I have those depression outbursts during the time I prefer to be left alone, lest I say and do anything hurtful to ones I hold dear. My husband understands always but my mother seems not to. After a rather heated but one sided argument, for I just sat in the corner of my locked room hearing her accusations of me being an insolent and ungrateful daughter, she stomped out and went living in another house of theirs.
After few days, my father demanded that I go there and apologize to her. Out of a childish stubbornness, I refused and reiterated that her eccentric abnormal behavior and cruel comments caused me greatly harm. At that heated moment with tears swelled up, I said that sometimes I wished I wouldn’t be here in this world. Then he straight away said then repeated: you should do it I dare you. It was my husband silently dragged me away and out of this ordeal. Eventually out of this town.
I haven’t talked to him since. It might be naive of me to say this but I cannot deal with the fact that I despise him. Am I in the wrong? Please help me and set my mind straight for I am lost.
Thank you for bearing with me.

I was thinking this as I was making a tuna mayo filling. My mom used to give me tuna mayo on a white breadroll for school lunches a lot when I was growing up. I absolutely hated them after a while, probably out of boredom, but I was never thrilled about the taste either.
Now it's a treat I make for myself every now and again (noone else in the family likes it so it's just for me) - tinned tuna, handful of shredded hard mozzarella, big handful of corn, big finely chopped red onion, plenty of freshly ground black pepper and salt, and then plenty of full-fat mayonnaise. Optionally some torn coriandecilantro. Great on a toasted ciabatta roll, or atop a jacket potato.
The other thing I hated was a haddock pie my mom used to make. Partly I hated having to look out for tiny bones, but I found the whole dish insipid. Now I make a version based on Jamie Oliver's everyday fish pie recipe every now and then as a quick and easy yet luxurious treat. Great for informal dinner parties as well.
600g/1.5lb mixed fresh fish (ideally at least one smoked either haddock or salmon, plus a white fish), some fresh raw shelled shrimp or prawns (not too big), some small scallops if you're feeling fancy, one large grated carrot, big handful of shredded mature cheddar, zest and juice of one lemon, two handfuls of baby spinach leaves, roughly chopped, two tomatoes chopped, light dusting of chili flakes, salt and pepper, and a drizzle of olive oil. Mix well, then press into the bottom of a casserole dish. Top with mashed potato (I'm lazy, I buy the ready-made stuff most of the time; it needs about 900g/2lb, more if you have a wideshallower dish) spread out evenly, and optionally a layer of shredded medium cheddar and some more black pepper. 30 minutes in the oven at about 180C/355F. So simple to prepare.

I know this isn't technically a UPF question but I've just listened to Ultra Processed People on Audible where Chris and Xand chat, and Chris says how you don't need to eat lots of protein to build muscle and as long as you are eating food you will gain.
I have been struggling to replace the 40g of Huel protein in my daily diet - I've been eating 3 eggs with sourdough toast everyday and don't think I can face eggs for another few months now...
Protein is constantly on my mind everyday as I'm trying to find non UPF snacks and dinners that will get me to 80g per day.
Has Chris talked anywhere else about protein? Or does anyone know of any articles or links to support this? He says that you can only absorb a limited amount if protein at a time but I thought this was recently disproved?
Edit: just to add, I'm a 30F who's started dumbbell workouts. Before Huel I would have a cup of tea and biscuits for breakfast, small portion of chicken and pasta/rice/potato for lunch and similar for dinner. Sometimes we just have pasta and sauce with no protein, or sometimes the quality of chicken is bad so we have to cut a lot off. Snacks are now a handful of nuts or natural yoghurt and granola. All added up comes to about 60-70g. As someone who has never cared about weight or nutrition before (always been borderline underweight) its a learning experience and something I'm now trying to work on.

Stress has turned into an all-too-normal friend in our lives in the present quick moving society. Our psychological and actual wellbeing can rapidly endure because of the types of occupations, connections, and regular commitments. Nonetheless, you may handily diminish pressure and improve your overall personal satisfaction by making a couple of little changes to your way of life. This post will walk you through a long number of strategies that can make living a more adjusted and tranquil presence conceivable.
Understanding Stress
Stress is the body’s natural response to a challenge or demand. It is a feeling of emotional or physical tension. Stress is defined as the body’s natural response to a challenge or demand. It is a feeling of emotional or physical tension that can be positive or negative.
Acute stress and chronic stress are two different forms of stress. A test or job interview are two examples of particular events that might induce acute stress, which is short-term stress. Long-term stress brought on by persistent issues, such as monetary hardships or interpersonal conflicts, is referred to as chronic stress.
1. Prioritize Self Care
Dealing with yourself ought to be your first concern. Put away opportunities every day for exercises that give you pleasure and unwinding. Whether it’s perusing a book, scrubbing down, or rehearsing care reflection, find what turns out best for yourself and make it a non-debatable piece of your everyday practice.
2. Keep a Solid Eating regimen
An even eating regimen assumes a critical part in overseeing pressure. Stay away from extreme utilization of caffeine and sugar, as they can add to sensations of uneasiness and anxiety. All things being equal, center around integrating entire food sources like organic products, vegetables, lean proteins, and complex starches into your dinners. These supplement-rich choices will furnish your body with the fuel it necessities to work ideally and battle pressure.
3. Participate in Standard Activity
Active work is a strong pressure minimizer. Participating in standard activity discharges endorphins, which are the normal state of mind helping synthetic substances in the cerebrum. Hold back nothing 30 minutes of moderate-force workout, like energetic strolling, cycling, or swimming, most days of the week. Not exclusively will it assist with mitigating pressure; however it will likewise work on your general wellness and prosperity.
4. Practice Care and Unwinding Procedures
Integrating care and unwinding procedures into your everyday schedule can essentially decrease feelings of anxiety. Contemplation, profound breathing activities, and moderate muscle unwinding are viable techniques to advance a feeling of quiet and unwinding. Track down a calm space, put away a couple of moments every day, and permit yourself to drench in these practices completely. After some time, you’ll see a positive change in your capacity to oversee pressure.
5. Foster Healthy Relationships
Nurturing positive and supportive relationships is essential for reducing stress. Surround yourself with individuals who uplift and encourage you. Share your thoughts and feelings with trusted friends or family members who can provide guidance and empathy. Strong social connections act as a buffer against stress and can help you navigate life’s challenges with greater ease.
6. Lay out a Reliable Rest Schedule
Sufficient rest is imperative for both physical and mental prosperity. Lay out a steady rest routine by heading to sleep and awakening simultaneously every day. Establish a loosening up climate in your room, liberated from electronic gadgets and interruptions. Practice great rest cleanliness by abstaining from invigorating exercises before bed and guaranteeing your dozing climate is agreeable and helpful for peaceful rest.
7. Using time effectively and Association
Unfortunately using time effectively and complications can add to sensations of overpowering and push. Assume command over your timetable by focusing on errands, defining practical objectives, and separating them into sensible advances. Use instruments like schedules, daily agendas, or efficiency applications to remain coordinated and increment your proficiency. By dealing with your time successfully, you can lessen pressure and make a more noteworthy feeling of achievement.
8. Engage in Hobbies and Creative Outlets
Engaging in hobbies and creative outlets provides a valuable outlet for stress relief and self-expression. Whether it’s painting, playing a musical instrument, gardening, or writing, find activities that bring you joy and allow you to unwind. Carving out time for these pursuits will help you disconnect from everyday stressors and tap into your creativity.
9. Look for Proficient Assistance When Required
Assuming pressure becomes overpowering or begins to disrupt your day-to-day routine, it is crucial to look for proficient assistance. Feel free to out to a certified specialist or instructor who can give direction and backing. They can assist you with creating viable survival techniques and deal with important bits of knowledge to successfully oversee pressure.
10. Practice Gratitude
Developing a feeling of appreciation can significantly affect lessening pressure. Pause for a minute every day to ponder the things you are thankful for, whether it’s the help of friends and family, a lovely dusk, or a little achievement. Appreciation moves your concentration to the positive parts of life, assisting with checking pressure and encouraging a more hopeful standpoint.
By integrating this basic way of life changes into your day to day daily practice, you can proactively decrease pressure and further develop your general prosperity. Keep in mind, little advances can prompt critical upgrades over the long run. Embrace these practices, regularly practice them, and partake in the positive effect they have on your life.

Hi everyone!! I only have a few things I'm destashing today!! My set shipping day is Saturday. However, if I'm able to ship it out sooner, I'll let you know! 😊😊😊
My ISO (Discontinued)
(Any) CocoaPink - Something Wicked (Tart Cranberries, Sweet Ripe Blackberries, Crushed Raspberries, and one lone Strawberry that tried to get away).
(FS) Nocturne Alchemy - Aphrodite's Cherry Cheesecake (Cherry essence, Cherry Skin, French Vanilla Bean, Sugar accord, Graham Cracker accord, Sugared Cherry accord, Mallow Root sugar, toasted Vanilla Bean, and (soy) cream cheese accord.)
Luna's Aroma Delights
FULL SIZES!
HEXENNACHT
AMOAMORTENTIA : White Chocolate, Raspberry Cordial, Rose Petals.
SAMPLES!
ANDROMEDA'S CURSE
BLOOD MOON : Dripping Candle Wax, Woodsmoke, Tobacco, Scattered Rose Petals, an Old Oak Coffin, and a sprinkle of Ancestral Dirt.
POETRY RIBBON : Saffron, Plum Blossom, White Tea, Amberwood, Vegan Ambergris.
HEXENNACHT/MR. HEX
DTF : Deep Plum, Clary Sage, Anise, Firewood.
NOCTURNE ALCHEMY (NA OR NAVA)
RASPBERRY MUSK : Bastet’s Musk absolute (Tuberose, Mallow, Angelica, Musk Flower, and White Lily), Wild Transylvanian Raspberry accord, Raspberry skin accord, Crystalline (Studio Limited Vanilla) absolute, Bastet’s Amber absolute, eNVie saphir, Bastet’s Ice Cream Essence.
Luna's Aroma Delights