Ok, so I (25F), have a sister (26F) who has a child (17M) who I'm very close with. I hosted his birthday parties, I take him to his karate classes, etc. It was his 17th recently, and we had a house party at my house with friends and family. My sister and brother in law said they couldn't come because of a doctor appointment, so I just asked them to come later. 4 hours pass, they still aren't here. The party starts to dwindle down to just me and my nephew, and I have to sit with him on my couch and wait for my sister to pick him up. He stays until 11pm, when I think that's it, and I decide to drive him to his place. I tell him if he would like me to drive him home, but he asks to stay overnight, which I agree and set him up in the guest room as I clear the aftermath of the party. Low and behold, my sister comes at 4am. He's obviously asleep by then, and when she comes in I ask he'd what doctors kept her and her husband there for so long to which she snarkily comments that it's 'none of my business' and then just says that she's been out on a date with her husband. I'm infuriated by this because she was supposed to be here for her sons birthday, and the fact that his aunt cares more about him that his mom is disgusting, and I tell her to straighten her act. Granted, I was a bit mean, but I was mad that she can't be bothered to celebrate with her son. She called me an a**hole and left without him, and I took care of him until later on. My sister picked him up and ignored me, and her and her husband are not talking to me. So, AITA?

It’s a long story so I’ll try to be as concise as possible.
I had a rough go in my late teens/early 20s, dropped out, drugs, lying, stealing, and all that fun stuff that comes with addiction. Was fortunate enough to come across a judge that took pity and allowed rehab over jail when I finally started getting into real trouble.
Went in to rehab at 22 and got clean. I spend the next few years being the most reliable/helpful guy I could be to my family. I put myself on the back burner, I didnt know what I liked, getting high was my only hobby since my early teens. Gaining trust was now my hobby, it was all I wanted after being seen as a piece of shit for so long. I’m the youngest of 4 and have lots of nieces and nephews, after 3 years clean and steady my family finally began seeing me as a trustworthy person again. This was life changing, to be able to spend time alone with my nieces and nephews, trusted to watch houses etc… it all meant so much.
During this time I progressively became more lonely. I knew I needed to start finding my way in life and not just pleasing others, but I owed it to my family to improve on some basic human level stuff first.
Now that I was a full fledged member of my family again, I thought about trying to find some romantic relationships. I had a bad relationship with sex previously so I was holding off on dating. I matched with a girl 28F I wouldn’t have been interested in the past on a dating site and we hit it off. I say hit it off but honestly I was too lonely for it to be anything less.
I step on eggshells, finish school, get a good job, put my now wife’s needs above my own every step. We get married, buy a house, I’ve done it, right? The finish line I dreamed of in rehab, I had arrived!
Wrong, I love my wife but I’m not in love with her. I work from home, I wake up make us breakfast, during the day while at work I do the dishes/easy daily house chores, in the evenings I cook us dinner. My wife is not a very talkative person and does suffer from severe depression which she has been properly medicated on since a teen. We have sex maybe twice a month tops, this is really killing me. I thought our sex life would improve after getting our own place, but if anything it has gone down. I try to bring it up and she’s usually defensive, or if I try and initiate intimacy I get shot down. I’ve been shot down so many times I don’t even try anymore, it has destroyed my self esteem.
My job is very stressful, I work in insurance and not in the sales side. I deal with angry insureds and attorneys all day everyday, alone at home. I’ve expressed my need for positive interactions after work, jokes, love, affection, anything to add some positivity to my day from basically the only person I get to see. I get we won’t have sex, but it seems like we aren’t even good friends, almost like roommates.
We both really want kids, I know I’ll be a great dad and I dream of it all the time. Our plan was to have kids in 2026, she’d stay at home like she wants and I’d continue to work. We each get to choose our dream vacations and the other person couldn’t say no. I chose a bucket list trip to Cedar Point amusement park in Ohio, I’m a huge roller coaster fan and it’s been something I’ve always wanted to do. Plan is my trip this June and we do her trip in 2025 since it is much more intense. My wife hates planning so asked if I would do all the planning, she basically said I wanna do Greece/Mediterranean. So that’s what I do, I research and book us a great 12 day trip where we’ll island hop and do anything under the sun I know she’d love. I book it and she’s ecstatic.
With my trip coming up next month I’ve tried to talk about my excitement, plan out the park, stops along the way, watch ride videos, literally anything to just have some excitement. My wife is not excited, she’s actually made it pretty clear how lame/childish of a trip I chose. Her comments make it clear that she won’t be going on many of the rides, she doesn’t get sick or overly scared, she just doesn’t like them.
I’m realizing my wife doesn’t love me, she loves the people pleasing yes man I’ve become. I’m sad, I’m lonely, and I don’t know what to do. I want a best friend in a wife, someone I can disagree with and have constructive discussions. Anytime I talk about anything semi serious my life becomes overly emotional, seeing her cry shuts me down. I don’t want her to hurt, I really do love her.
I just don’t know how I’ll react the more lonely I get, or if making a family will only make me more lonely. I know I’ll provide and be a supporting/present parent if I have to, but I think it might kill me.
Sorry for my rant, I’m sitting in my garage alone after finishing alone what I thought was gonna be a fun project to do together.

First lf all, hello potatoes! This is my first ever post on anything, so bear with me!
I (21f), have an aunt who I've finally decided to go no contact with after years of her bs. For the sake of this post, let's call her EA. EA has always been a narcissist, though none of us really did anything about it for a while.
For instance, when I was young, about 12 or 13, she decided it would be a good idea to take me and my three siblings to a youth group, even though we never wanted to. She pretty much dragged us over there and would act like she was doing something good for us so we could pay her back later. We never wanted to go, because of some issues we had with the last religious group we went to, and it became painful for us to deal with.
Anyway, we ended up being late to an event one night, and the entire 30 minute drive down, she had been complaining about how late we were. Once we had gotten to the building, she went inside and talked to the person in charge about it. My siblings and I had come in and she locked eyes with me.
"Thanks a lot, kids."
That's all she had to say to us, then proceeded to complain to the person in charge over the whole ordeal. Being as young as I was and as sensitive as I was at the time, I held on to that feeling. Eventually, we stopped going, again because it was hard for us and EA made it unbearable.
Several years went by, and not long after I had graduated, she had come back into my life, in a much more violent way than before. I had moved out for school and work, so I wasn't physically there, but I heard about it after the fact. It turns out, while my parents and EA had gone to an appointment they both had in the nearest city (3+ hour drive), she had attacked my mother. Not verbally, but physically. She had pounced on her and left scratches and bruises. The cause of the fight? Some water on her butt. She threw a whole fit and physically attacked my mother, over a little bit of water on her butt.
Let me tell you, I was fuming when I had heard about it. She even went so far as to insult us when she attacked my mother, and I'll never forget it.
"You're raising your kids to be just like you!"
She made it sound like a bad thing for us to turn out like my mother. Now, my mother is a kind woman with a soft heart and a soft spot for dogs and cats. She loves crystals and plants, and she loves cloudy days and being by the ocean. She accepts all of us for who we are, and makes inappropriate jokes for us to laugh at. To hear EA insult my mother made me angry, but she had told me not to put any energy into it.
EA began to get worse afterwards. I was working a job that was slowly killing me, and whenever she'd visit, she had that sickly sweet 'I'm tolerating you enough to talk to you' look on her face and tone in her voice. When I was moved to nights, I was hoping to never deal with her again. But then, my grandmother fell down.
I heard about it during one of my shifts, and when I had gotten off, I couldn't sleep. I was afraid something would happen to her if I was asleep, so I stayed awake until my bf (21m) woke up. I told him the situation and we had a talk about it, and we both agreed that it would be best if I moved back to take care of her. So, on my first day off, I packed all my stuff and left. I texted my boss, who I wasn't on good terms with, and told her the situation. I pretty much handed in my two week notice, but only gave her two days.
So, I came home and moved in with my grandma so I could take care of her. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, anything and everything she needed done, I would do it. I was lucky enough to be able to bring my dog, a chihuahua dashund pug mix, to live with me. Spud made things a bit easier for me, considering everything that I had given up and what was going on. It felt like things were gonna get better.
Until my grandmother had to go to the hospital. I wish I was kidding, but I'm not. She couldn't get out of bed one morning, and since I didn't know what to do, I panicked and called my father. He came and checked on her, gave her an oxygen treatment, and when things didn't improve, he called EA so they could go to the hospital. I was freaking out and pacing around on the balcony, trying to calm down as they carried her to the car and drove to the hospital two towns over. She got better, so that helped, but it scared me so badly I couldn't sleep for a while. We were given an oxygen machine and told to have her on it as often as possible. That first night was terrible. I hadn't slept at all that night, or for the next few nights, because I was afraid of what would happen if I did.
To help with this, my father bought a baby monitor so I could make sure she was okay, and after a few days, I was feeling much better. EA began showing up, when she hadn't come at all before the hospital visit. When she did, the first thing she did was complain.
My little sis (11f), was helping me clean, and we had finished doing what my grandmother needed us to do when EA had come in. The first thing she said to us was that we should be cleaning, and began cleaning the stuff we didn't get to. She then started to complain about how we weren't doing these tasks that my grandmother never asked us to do. My sister and I just looked at each other with confusion. I could tell she was feeling bad, but it wasn't her job to do in the first place. EA took her cleaning to my grandmother's bedroom, and she stayed in there for a long time.
I began to get worried, so I ended up heading to my room downstairs to check the monitor, only to find EA had covered it. I sat, confused by what she had done. It's not like I had the monitor there to snoop around, it was only there to make sure my grandmother was okay. I shrugged it off and uncovered it before I went to bed that night. After a few days, I had decided to make the trip to see my bf. It was almost a 2 hour drive, so I wanted to leave early. I asked my little brother (18), to watch over everything while I was gone for a few days. He agreed for the price of some dark chocolate for his own mochas in the morning. I agreed, and made sure he knew what medications my grandparents had to take and when, where the blood pressure cuff was and how to use it, and the device to check my grandmother's oxygen. After that, I packed the clothes I'd need for four days, and left.
Things were going smoothly for a while. I was laughing and relaxing with my bf, watching videos he had saved to show me, and going on dates, talking and catching up. On the third day, I got a text from my brother saying that he was angry. I asked why, and he explained everything.
He said EA had showed up, and was trying to make me and my sister sound like thieves. She claimed we had gotten into some drinks meant for my uncle, who's diabetic and also lives with my grandmother. I told him I don't drink that particular brand anymore, and my sister only ever got into the milk and some cold water. I showed my bf the messages, and we both had a good laugh over it. He knew that I don't drink that particular brand, and that I enjoy a different brand altogether, so we thought it was just ridiculous.
It continued like this for a while. EA would make little comments and talk with my grandmother about certain topics, trying to make me and my sister sound like we were against her. All the while, I was doing my usual job of cooking and cleaning for her and making sure she was okay. I was pretty much untouchable in her eyes.
My mother had come by to visit for a while and make sure everything was okay one day. We talked, she helped me cook, and we just had a good time, until EA popped in unannounced. My grandmother, wanting them to fix their relationship as sisters, stopped my mother from leaving the kitchen and told them to hug. I was watching the whole thing and heard EA say something thst just made me want to yell.
"Are you gonna attack me again?"
She made herself sound like the victim, and made it seem like my mother had attacked her. They hugged, and things proceeded to get worse from there. I refused to talk to EA when she came by, and I'd watch when she started her random cleaning. If she went into my grandmother's bedroom, I'd go downstairs, watch the monitor and try to make sure she wasn't stealing anything. She coveted the camera again and again, which slowly drove me crazy. I regret not talking to her about it.
She did it again when I was on another trip to see my bf, and this time, my brother called her out on it. He told her to stop covering the camera, that it was only there to make sure my grandmother was okay at night, nothing more. According to him, EA began yelling at him and puffing her chest out over the whole thing, while my brother acted more mature and waited for her to finish. He then asked if she was done, to which she huffed. He was getting pretty angry over it. I had him tell me everything thst was going on, so I was up to date while I was gone.
This would continue for a few more weeks, and again, while I was away, EA would confront my brother, but this time, she said something thst made me lose it. My brother was telling my uncle that it probably wasn't a good idea to take a pastry with him downstairs, since it had a bunch of sugar. EA went ballistic over this and started getting in my brother's face, yelling about it and calling him a few names like r-tard, and said, and I quote, "No wonder you were bullied, you deserved it."
For context, my brother faced severe bullying when we were in school. He was thrown around, threatened, hit, and more. He also has an accent due to having multiple earaches as a baby, so sometimes, it's hard to understand him. He's a smart kid, with a good heart, and having a middle aged swamp monster with a superiority complex getting in his face and yelling at him about how stupid he was and saying he deserved to be bullied broke me and hurt him. He didn't show it, but I know it hurt him.
When I found out, I was angry, sad, and an all around mess. My bf read the messages and didn't know what to do. I was ranting and rambling angrily by this point, in tears and just about seeing red. I was getting more angry as I talked about it, completely unaware that while my bf was playing a game, he was playing with a friend, and they could hear everything. They heard my voice beginning to shake as I let out all my frustrations, and they heard how angry I was that this haggard hoghag of a woman could treat my little brother like that. I ended up crying myself to sleep that night, I was so furious.
After that, she kept coming around and trying to make all of us sound like the villains of the tale while she was the goodie two shoes. I cut all contact with her, refused to talk to her or even acknowledge her existence, and just continued to enjoy myself. My sister had some other plans
EA is diabetic, so she can't really have sugar, so my sister had an idea to pay her back, at least a little. EA had come over to open oysters with us. My grandmother had ordered them for me and my sister, because we enjoyed them so much. My sister decided to get some Popsicles from the freezer upstairs and started to eat one in front of EA. She also handed one to me, so I could enjoy too. We got some looks from EA, but I don't remember hearing her say anything. Later on, we even went so far as to make delicious chocolate chip banana bread while she was there, so she couldn't have some but had to deal with the temptation. I guess this could count as a petty revenge story, but I don't know where else to put this. I just wanted to get this story off of my chest and hear what the other petty potatoes think about this.
So, AITA for going to contact with my aunt? And for going so far as to make treats she can't have?

I know a lot of people say if you feel the need to ask, then I probably need to, but I feel like I'm too anxious to think properly. There's so much it's gonna be long.
My (23) fiance's (24) sister (Y 31) is getting back together with a piece of shit(D 42). She said so last night. They have two kids Niece(V 10) and Nephew(X 4). POS used to hit V the past 2 years because she wouldn't stay in his mom's livingroom and watch YouTube when she was supposed to be homeschooled. X has type 1 diabetes and D would let him eat whatever while Y worked 12-18hr shifts DAILY. He spent all of Y's money, especially the day before rent was due (so they also couldn't afford a lot of insulin).
D got mad at Y for the littlest things while she was home and made her clean and cook everything. He stays on his computer with headphones on all day (he started a streaming channel that's only live stream. Some lasted for as short as 6hrs to as long as 10hrs. He gave that up to get in online arguments).
They had to live in his mom's houses bc she only charged them $500 of rent. She'd come over to yell at Y for not taking better care of D and the kids. We offered to buy land, they pay a third and we'd pay the rest. They said yes and pulled out the last second, leaving us stranded and having to start over.
D confessed to having a crush on me since I was 17, two months ago, so they have been separated for less than a month. Me and my husband came over often to help clean and cook and watch niece. She'd been talking abt never getting with him and going for only women (she's bi and never got to date any women before this 12yr relationship). We even went to a club where she spent 4hrs making out with and grinding on a woman intermittently.
Y found out abt the beatings late last year and only told D to stop drinking. He agreed but didn't go to AA. D told V he'd stop hitting her if she was good, which is when she started being a people pleaser to him and a brat to Y. I feel like he said more besides that, otherwise why has V been so mean to her mom? Everyday she talks abt her dad and living in his state (he moved there when they separated to be with his mom and took X but not V). Last week we saw a picture of X with a couple bruises on the side of his face and head and D took the phone when X said he missed his mom. Idk if I should believe that X fell off the couch or not.
Y said she's gonna be with D in his state (she hates it there and all the people he surrounds her with) even though he lied abt going to therapy when he got there. She said they'll just do counseling when she gets there. (Idk where to add this but he also told V he was leaving to his state 1. Bc his mom was sick and his dad got in a car crash and 2. Bc my fiance and I were mean to him. We told him we didn't have a positive opinion of him, which he was surprised about.)
Y's an adult who can make her own decisions but idk if this is a good decision to make. Regardless I have no say, but i dont see this turning out well for the kids or her.
She's willingly making her mom homeless (my MIL lives with Y) and has said she will be going low contact with us bc we were so willing to join in her "unwarranted" anger with D. I do not feel like this is a decision she is willing to make or that this will turn out well at all. Bad vibes all around but I've also been told I'm too invested in this even though I only had one conversation with Y abt what she would like to do in the future and if there was anything we could do to help her.
Do I have a good reason to be worried and call CPS a week after she moves there? Is this at all a normal family? I'm very anxious and hypervigilant when it comes to kids bc I was severely abused and neglected when I was younger, but I tend to overreact and pick apart behaviors in kids that make my mind go crazy with scenarios. That's why I tried my best to only put things I'm certain happened and a bit of how I feel.
Tl;Dr BIL-in-law is abusive in my eyes. I don't think the kids nor my SIL will be safe living with him. Should I call CPS a week after they move to another state?

A strange wish, a very unpopular one lol. Even for me, to seriously think and say like wow I literally don't know what my parents look like is weird.
If you look through my post history its apparent I have tons of issues with my appearance. These issues mainly stem from experiences, but I'm beginning to think that the general unease of not looking like anyone around me plays a big role. Just looking at my own face, always seeing myself as different (regardless of how pretty/ugly I may be) I guess has just been weird. I think that would be 'weird' for anyone right? I don't know if I've ever thought about this stuff meaningfully before. I know the feeling it gives me, but its just hard to identify specifics and such
I wish I knew, mostly, what my mom looked like. Damn this is making me emotional I have literally never thought about it this hard! This is actually crazy typing out 😂 But I want to know what she looked like so bad. I want to know what I got from her, I want to know if we have the same face, if we are the same height. I want to know what my dad looked like, and I so badly want to know if I have bio siblings.. I want to know what traits I inherited from my parents :C I want to know if my (hypothetical) siblings are like me, if we would get along. If I had a little sister, I wonder if she would look up to me. And I wonder if (if they exist) my bio siblings and I are alike? If we have similar personalities. Damn, imagine being able to accurately say "I get x trait from my dad haha" or something! I want to know about my extended family, my aunts and uncles and cousins. I wonder how they would react to me. If they saw me and would be able to recognize me ? I have a discernable birthmark on my face (which I hate), I wonder if one of my parents/sibs have it too. I wonder what music they listen to, and what sports they like. What the house looks like. If they would be proud of me. What they think about my appearance
When I was born they (whoever it was) left me at the orphanage OR they just left me somewhere and the police brought me to the orphanage, I don't know. But they didn't give me pictures or anything or a note. It makes me sad to think about! Then I was adopted at about a year old and brought overseas. It was a one child policy thing in China. And I know I've said this but damn it is SO weird to think about. I ACTUALLY HAVE FAMILIAL LINEAGE. It is actually mind blowing to say that about myself. I guess I've always seen myself as a lone wolf, at least subconsciously I did. I knew I was different but as a child I genuinely don't remember questioning it/wondering about my bio parents (then again I don't remember most of my childhood). I just accepted it yk, I knew I was adopted and that's that.
Even a picture, that would have been great. I wish I was left with something. I guess a note would be more meaningful. I wonder what it was like when they dropped me off? If it was hard for them to do, if they kissed me goodbye, I wonder if they're even alive. What are their occupations, what are my grandparents like? This is making me cry!!! This is crazy. I wonder if my bio parents are funny. I wonder if my dad is a funny old man, if he makes dad jokes. I wonder how they would like my adoptive parents? I wonder how they'd react. They probably wouldn't care lol. I wonder if they were a couple, I want to know how I came to be, and I hope it was not heinous like some sexual abuse or something. I wonder what my life would be if I wasn't given up, but I am almost 100% sure my quality of life where I live now is better than from where I came from, it didn't seem like a very affluent place. Yuck (I can't believe I've never done this before?), when you search up the city I came from literally all of the stuff is about dog meat... 🤢🤢 no patriotism from me lol
I really really do wonder how my bio parents would react to me now, and to my adoptive parents. If they would get along. I so wonder how they would feel if they saw me, if I would get a hug or something. I wonder how I would have been raised if I hadn't been given away. I think that they would be happy that I was adopted to a financially stable family as I assume they weren't. I wonder if they would like my voice, and if I'd like theirs. I want to know how tall they are!! People ask me that a lot. I wonder if they'd judge me for being so whitewashed, lol. I wonder how my AP would react to BP... wow. My adoptive dad probably couldn't even face my bio dad, he hates the idea I'm 'not his'. I wonder if my adoptive parents have ever thought about this? I wonder if my A mom would like my bio mom. If they'd judge each other.
I have also recently been looking into doing a 23andme sort of thing. I mostly want it because I want to know what my ethnicity is, if I'm fully chinese, because literally no one thinks (guesses) I am. I also want to post myself on rphenotypes because I guess I have a weird fixation on people guessing where I'm from lol. I don't know why. Maybe it makes me feel whole, someone saying I look like I belong somewhere (even tho no one guesses right lol). I am sure the test would not provide answers as to who my bio parents are, I haven't even considered that and I'm not going to get my hopes up. Plus, maybe it's something I don't want to know. It's funny, what triggered this is me looking at pictures of supermodels siblings and thinking about how interesting genetics are, how you see your parents and siblings and family in yourself. Then I'm like damn lol I cannot relate
Also, what does 'adoption correction' mean? I see a flair labeled that. And also I sometimes say 'parents' and I sometimes say 'bio parents' when referring to my bio parents so sorry if I made it confusing. If anyone even read. Lol

Ok, so I (25 f), was hosting a birthday party for my nephew's 17th birthday (I was hosting because his mom/my sister doesn't like house parties) at my house. My nephew is gay, and my family all accepted him (or so I thought) so having a couple of pride flags in my house shouldn't be much of a problem? My nephew asked for rainbow decor and how could I say no, I'm an Ally and I could afford it, so it shouldn't have been a problem. Anyway, the day comes, and him and his friends start to pile in. My sistehis mom and his dad/my brother in law had a doctors appointment so they didn't join us, but my parents/my nephews grandparents did. The event was running smoothly, until my nephew cut the cake. It was rainbow tiered (which he asked for) but when he gave a slice so my parents/his grandparents, they both threw away the cake, and started to make a scene, screaming that 'NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE ABOUT YOUR STUPID LGBT WHATEVER BULLSHIT ALL THE DAMN TIME' and throwing his pride flags in the trash. I told them to leave firmly, maybe calling them old hags in the process. Still, they storm out and blast all the rest of the family a dramatised version of the story, and now I have over 150 messages from family members I don't even talk to, telling me that I shouldn't shove the community in everyone's face all the time. I added a few pride flags and had a rainbow cake because my nephew wanted it, is that so bad? Anyway my nephew hasn't been talking to anyone, and my sistehis mom is telling me I am the a**hole and I should apologise. I don't see what I've done wrong, but AITA?

Hello, I’m currently stuck in a bit of a moral dilemma. Let me preface this by saying I’m not like this with everyone, only the person in question. I (27M) recently found out that my aunt (70ishF) is dying of cancer and has it written down that I am to be one of her pallbearers.
Here’s where the question comes, this aunt in particular has been nothing but a complete bitch to me for most of my life. She constantly gave me death/go to hell glares for as long as I can remember, constantly overshadowed my accomplishments with another one of my cousin’s accomplishments, would scream and yell at me when I was 10 because I was crying during a storm (that’s a whole other issues, let’s just say there was a tornado involved).
However one of the worst comes from when I was 6 it was the first time I had been left alone with her and my Grandmother, when my grandmother left the room to go feed her dog outside she walked over and grabbed me “Your Mom and Dad must be thrilled to have a break from your whiny ass, I want my mama I want my dad, they aren’t coming until Sunday now shut up. They would be a lot happier if your dead sibling was born and you were the miscarriage.” It was no secret to me that had happened, my parents were very open with me about it when i asked why I didn’t have a brother or sister. Now I never told them any of that happened because both my parents would have “taken care” of her on the spot, she knew my dad had a temper when it came to his son and i didn’t want that on my conscience because some people in my family would say it was just my imagination when she knows she said it.
Flash forward to present day, my mom tells me that she has put me down to be a pallbearer and I immediately refuse. She says I need to forgive and forget 20 years of mistreatment from her to which I told her I would do no such thing, maybe forgive but never forget. This whole thing between how I act when she’s brought up is driving a wedge between me and my mom. Saying if I don’t do this then she’s not going to the funeral and I can deal with the fallout from her side of my family which knows we are not and have never been on the best of terms.
Now here’s where I may be the asshole, my mom who is a wonderful mom constantly wants me to go with her every weekend over there to which I have said I do not want to spend every Saturday/Sunday over there when I have my own life and I would rather this aunt be as far away from it as possible. If she wants to go over there then she can go by herself. I truly hate making her upset but I have my own life and friends that I would much rather spend my weekends with.
TLDR: My Aunt who’s dying of cancer wants me to be a pallbearer in her funeral. I have reasons for not wanting to have any part with it due to past verbally and emotionally abusive experience with her for the past 20 years and it’s causing a wedge between me and my mother.
So AITA

Around Thanksgiving last year, my 22 year old daughter Izzy started complaining about her back hurting. We just assumed she pulled a muscle or had a pinched nerve. After a couple weeks, the pain seemed to be getting worse. She went to urgent care on a Friday and they confirmed she probably had a pinched nerve. They gave her some meds. That following Monday (Dec. 18) she was in a lot of pain, so I rushed her to the hospital. It was her back and her left arm now bothering her. They blew her off and said that she was fine. I insisted that she get an MRI or cat scan done. Finally at my request they did a cat scan on her back and said they didn't see anything wrong. They said it's probably a pinched nerve, gave her more meds and sent us home.
The week of Christmas everything changed. She woke up each night covered in sweat. On the 28th, her heart was beating fast, she was extremely pale, and had two knots appear on the left side of her neck and one under her left underarm. I brought her to a different hospital.
When we got to the ER, they immediately took her to a room. Her vitals were extremely high (170 heart rate) from the pain she was in. They were considering that she could have meningitis or mono. They wanted to get tests ran right away. They admitted her, and did a spinal tap and MRI. 2 days later (Saturday) the doc said they found a large tumor on her spine. Can't say if it's cancer yet, she would need a biopsy first. They informed us that she would be moved that day to their sister hospital that specializes in cancer.
When we arrived, she was put on the neurology ward in a regular room. They immediately put her on a lot of meds. She was on so many pain drugs, (Oxy, Dilaudid, muscle relaxers, Morphine, Xanax, etc.) that I kept asking, "Is this end of life? Can she overdose from all these drugs?" They would respond with, "no, it's just to keep her comfortable and we're trying to get her heart rate down." On New years day they gave her Ativan. She responded horribly to it. It was a rough day. She was hallucinating and freaking out all day and night. The next day she told them to NEVER give her that again. They told her when we first arrived that anything she didn't want to take, they would respect and not put it in her charts to receive. They would put it under allergies. We assumed they would do so as they said they would.
They finally did the biopsy on Wednesday the 3rd. When she came back from surgery, she wouldn't wake up. She slept all day Wednesday and most of Thursday. I was really concerned.They kept adding more pain meds to her chart. I again was scared she would forget to breathe. That night she wasn't breathing properly and her vitals were going down. She had to be rushed to NeuroICU. They got her stable and explained it was from all the different drugs. They explained that it's trial and error. They're trying to figure out what works for her and they decided to put her on a drip line of Dilaudid. They still gave her other drugs but Dilaudid seemed to help her pain somewhat. They also said she had a spot on her lungs what looked like pneumonia starting.
All week she was constantly telling us that she was losing feeling in her legs and her left arm. By Saturday of that week she was paralyzed. They finally took her for an MRI and saw that the tumor had spread up and down her spine and to her ovaries, and it was stealing her blood supply. She would need emergency surgery asap. They of course came to explain what was happening and the surgeon informed me that Ativan would be used during surgery. I immediately told him no, and that she is allergic to it and it was supposed to be on her allergy list. I explained to him what happened when she received it before. On Sunday they rushed her into surgery and cut the blood supply to the tumor. It was too dangerous to try and remove any of the tumor. They didn't know if the paralysis was permanent, but they were hopeful that the surgery would work. It didn't we would later find out.
When she returned from surgery, she was out of control. She was violent and cursing at me. In 22 years I had never heard her curse, but she was fluent! She was hallucinating bad and kept freaking out. It was scary to watch. They decided to give her some meds to make her to sleep, to help her heal. For 2 straight days my baby screamed blood curdling screams, she would cry out "mommy, mommy" while she slept. She screamed so much and so loud that anyone in ear shot were questioning what was going on. It was heartbreaking to witness. I thought she was having a bad reaction to the anesthesia. I later found out that they were giving her Ativan anyway. They NEVER put it in her chart as an allergy the week before, and the doctor disregarded what I said about not giving her that. They had other options they could have used but he still chose to do what he wanted. I only found out because the nurse mentioned that she would be right back with her Ativan. The nurse had no knowledge that my daughter refused that medication previously. I informed her not to give that drug to her. She went and spoke with the attending physician who changed it to haldol and ketemine. That was Monday night. By Wednesday she finally calmed down from screaming, so they decided to try and wake her up.
When she woke up she could no longer speak properly, use her left arm, or move her legs. Her fingers and toes were turning black. They said it was from a certain med she was on. That it's normal. A lay person could see something was horribly wrong.
Everyday we would see up to 30 doctors. I say we, because I never left her side. One would say one thing while another would say something else. It was confusing and scary. We still didn't have a diagnosis. We just knew she had cancer. They suspected stage 4 but couldn't say until pathology came back. It was traumatic and a nightmare. It went from a diagnosis of a pinched nerve to stage 4 cancer in a matter of a week. WTF?
We finally got the diagnosis on Tuesday the 9th.. Stage 4 anaplastic large cell lymphoma. Very rare and aggressive. They said they were starting chemo immediately. They gave her the first dose that Wednesday night. We had hope. It was a rollercoaster of terror, but the doctors kept saying that she could beat this. I googled everything I could and prayed for a miracle. It's always been my girl and I, so I was desperate for her to live through this. She wasn't just my daughter, she was literally my everything.
By week 2, she needed blood on a daily basis. She couldn't eat or drink. She couldn't relieve herself. She couldn't move. She couldn't speak clearly to explain her needs or wants. Her breathing was shallow. Her vitals were not normal. They would go down and then jump extremely high. She was so out of it, that they had to come to me concerning everything. Her oxygen was dropping significantly and they had to keep changing out the masks and oxygen levels to help her breathe. They kept changing her meds and she had multiple complications from that. They couldn't find any good spots on her arms to put her IVs anymore, and her legs were so swollen that they couldn't locate a useable spot anywhere. They put it on her right side of the neck. During all this she had multiple medical emergencies. One example is they said that spot on her lungs wasn't pneumonia but they now suspected a small blood clot. That medicine she was given would hopefully help, the only problem was that medication was causing problems for her back surgery. A few days later we found out it was blood and it was completely filled up in her chest. She was drowning in her own blood. They couldn't do surgery right away because she would bleed out since her platelets were so low even while receiving blood transfusions. That blood was somehow going into her lungs. I was floored. Everyday I would ask about it and I was told it was getting better, nothing to worry about. In fact the doctor said that very morning it had cleared up significantly. Imagine my shock when the critical team comes rushing in that evening to do ultrasounds on her and tells me they suspect it's why her breathing was going downhill.
On Monday she was transferred to a MICU room on a different floor. This floor felt uneasy to me. There was death all around and you could see it. They said that this floor was where her main doctors were, so that she would get the best care. Now they introduce fentanyl to her med regimen. They explained it that it would help with her pain. She would be allowed so much every hour if needed.
The next day they decided to do the surgery to put a tube in her chest to drain the blood. She now had an extremely dangerous back surgery, staples running up her entire back with tubes, a huge scar under her arm from the biopsy with tubes, and now a huge tube coming out her chest. Her fingers and toes at this point were in a stage of necropsy. But they couldn't do anything about it. They would just have to fall off in time. It was devastating. My daughter was a trooper through out this whole time. She never complained or was negative. She was just scared when she understood what was going on. Honestly I've never seen so much courage in my life.
When it came to her pain meds she was only on fentanyl and Dilaudid drip. She would only receive it when she asked. That was her rule. She was scared she would overdose or become hooked on it and didn't want that monster on her back. She would be in so much pain but would just sit through it. Her vitals were better, but when the pain would become to much to bare, her heart rate would go into the 150 to 170 range. As soon as she got some meds it would go down to the teens to low twenty's.
On Thursday night she had a new nurse. He would administer pain meds even when she didn't request it. I saw him give her shot when she was sleeping. I walked in on him. I asked him if she requested it as I saw she was asleep and he said no. He stated he was trying to keep her comfortable. I asked him not to unless she asks. He didn't listen.Throughout the night as we slept, he would give her meds that she didn't even need. He gave her haldol. She only received that for two days after her back surgery. No one had given her that since. He would give her a shot of fentanyl behind it. I later found this out while talking with her doctors and from her records.
That Friday morning she started having these weird episodes, what later looked like seizures to me. Her vitals would drop and she would go into a deep stare. They blamed the meds. It was constant apologies for her being over medicated again. Even the doctor didn't understand why he gave her so much.She had 4 separate episodes before they (at my constant request) sent her to get a MRI done.
She had a blood clot in her brain. Again they said nothing to worry about. But after experiencing what we went through already, I was highly concerned. As I should have been. They kept apologizing and said they would change her medication up again. I told them it wasn't the medicine it was the nurse. I couldn't understand why he would give her two doses of haldol when she didn't need it. The nurse said my daughter was anxious and thought it would help. My daughter was sleeping so how could she have been anxious. I went off. Something in my spirit was telling me to get her out of there. But how could I when she was hooked up to all these tubes. She was suffering and I couldn't help her. The only thing I could do was use my voice to try and protect her and be her advocate. The next day Jan. 20th, I woke up after a couple hours of sleep, and I knew something was wrong. She was awake and trying to talk. Her vitals were back at a steady 170 with high blood pressure and a low oxygen number so I knew she was in pain. I could feel it in every bone of my body something was different that day. I felt my baby didn't have long as I thought cancer was winning. I called all of our family to come see her. I can't explain it. At one point I pulled one of her doctors out of her room and begged him to tell me what was happening. Shoot it to me straight. He kept saying she's always been critical but she would pull through. He had so much hope.
They gave her some meds to help bring her vitals down and it started to work again. Her vitals started going from 160 to 150. At this point she was having a brain scan done in her room to see what the episodes were exactly. She was awake but could no longer move from her neck down. Which had just started the 2 days before. She had a blood infection and they had to move the pic line from the right side of her neck to the left side but we're unsuccessful because she had obstructions there (2 huge tumors) They had to put the new line back on the right side in the back of the neck. I don't know what happened since I wasn't allowed in the room. I do know my daughter said after they finished, she wasn't able to feel anything but her face. She never turned her head again.
During that day she kept having flem and spit from the congestion she had due to the chest infection and surgery. I would sit there and suck it out for her. No problem, I had been doing it for days with no complaints on my end. The doctors were coming in and out constantly all day to check her brain test and at one point the doctor seeing me and my nephew take shifts suctioning her out said he wanted to try a new medicine she had never received. My daughters nurse interrupted him and said that she didn't think that it was a good idea. They went back and forth for a few minutes and I stepped in and said, it was fine, I would sit there and suction out forever if I had to. Something felt different in this exchange as well. In all of 24 days of being in the hospital, I never saw a nurse challenge a doctor. I immediately went to the computer, where the nurse had typed in the order for this drug, and googled it. The first thing that popped up, was not to give this drug to someone with high blood pressure or high heart rate. It causes a person's heart rate to shoot up high quickly. It was too late. They already administered it to her. Since her heart rate was already high it caused her to go into cardiac arrest. I just stood there in shock screaming is she in cardiac arrest? To which the doctor finally responded "I'm sorry, yes"
They ushered me and my nephew out of the room so they could work on her. After about 30 minutes they called my phone and told me she flatlined but they got her heart beating again. I went flying back in that room screaming at them. I refused to leave the room. She was now on life support, but there was no hope for her to ever wake up again. After consulting with my family and her doctors, and looking at where her vitals were, I decided to pull the plug. She passed within seconds. I feel like the doctor should have listened to the nurse, but his ego would not allow him to. I feel like he's somehow responsible, but at the same time I saw what was happening to her on a daily basis and what cancer was doing to her body. I also witnessed a lot of negligence too on their part. I've been going back and forth since January 20th, about contacting an attorney and seeing if I have a case. I requested an autopsy to be performed, because I wanted to know what all was wrong with her. They informed me they normally don't do that because of the cancer. I argued with them and said I wanted one anyway. I wanted to know what happened. I was trying to understand this whole situation. 25 days prior it was just supposed to be a pinched nerve, but it wasn't. They explained I would have to pay for the autopsy, and I was okay with that. The next day after she passed away, I received the phone call to give my permission for an autopsy. They said it would take a couple days and would let me know when it was finished so the funeral home could pick up her body.
I've been calling for months about the autopsy report with no luck. Here we are in May, I go to the hospital to get the autopsy results and it's all of five pages. It's not even an autopsy report. It doesn't even state her cause of death. It's just bullshit paperwork. All it mentions is the necropsy to her fingers and toes and her basic info like height and weight. I'm so angry right now. I have her medical records, and I noticed on the 19th of January they finally put she was allergic to Ativan. There's a lot wrong with this situation. I even asked for a CD of all her images, from pathology. What I received only two images come up. Everything else is blocked from opening. I know my daughter took multiple MRIs, ultrasounds,and CAT scans in those three and a half weeks. There's no way it's only two images.
I counted all the times the nurse gave my daughter pain meds that Thursday night and it was double what any other nurse had given her at any other time plus with other drugs she didn't need at that time. I found out that haldol and fentanyl is something they give to patients that's in end of life care. Which I was constantly told my daughter was not. Her death certificate states she passed from lymphoma related cardiac arrest. I'm just so confused on what to do. I feel like I'm letting my daughter down if I don't look into this further.
I'm sorry this a novel. I couldn't just ask a simple question with out the back story for you to understand. It was so much more believe me, this was the short version!
Do I have a case or should I just move on and accept my daughter died from cancer related complications? Thank you....

I don't even how to frame this, I guess it's just a rant.
I have a child from a previous relationship, Anna (7) my current partner came into our lives when she was a baby and we've since had more children. He treats myself and our children very, very well, a stark contrast to my abusive ex.
I moved to my grandparents house fleeing that relationship, where my aunt lives. My aunt had been quite involved in our lives growing up as my mother was a single parent. Unfortunately in later years I realised how toxic she was, often speaking ill about our mother, stating that without her we would have had nothing etc. she is married but never had children of her own.
Myself and Anna spent 4 months here while looking for a place to rent, my aunt became heavily involved with Anna which at the time I saw nothing wrong with, as her husband and Anna had a wonderful bond. Following our move to our own house, Anna and I would often have sleepovers because I actually liked being down there. I met my now partner and we would have visited for dinner on Sunday or came down to visit in the week.
COVID happened and sleepovers were ceased as to protect my elderly grandparent. We were fine with this and began to make our own weekend rituals, which was especially nice as I spent the week studying and Anna was in nursery, so weekends were our uninterrupted time together, hence we had sleepovers together pre COVID.
When things started to open back up again, we resumed visits, but not sleepovers as by this stage we had moved in together, though I did allow Anna one or two sleepovers, just not on the scale that we had previously.
I was having a conversation with my aunt about choosing schools, I had a few in mind, two close to my home and one near the site that we were beginning to build our home on. She flipped and went mental, "you are not sending anna to those schools do you hear me" she screamed pointing her finger at me. Demanded I send her to a school closed to aunts house. I was gobsmacked, then she proceeded to say that she wanted Anna to have sleepovers every week again,and insisted I never slept over with her at all! when I explained that we are gone from each other all week and that's my only interrupted time with her she scoffed at me and said thing is your partner controlling you, he's just the same as your ex!
I left the house in a rage, told her husband passing to go in and sort out his wife. My partner wasn't there but he has never set foot in the house nor spoken to them since.
Since then,I've held out the olive branch to which she wouldn't apologise and stated she's entitled to her opinion. So I've kept myself and Anna away. I've heard through other family members that she is saying we are keeping Anna away from her (she knows we're we live FFS), that he's controlling me, he's an ahole, she has even had my mother on her side stating aunt is "entitled" to see Anna. When I was in hospital giving birth my sister rang to tell me that my mother was planning on bringing Anna to her house. So my sister intercepted and took her elsewhere. There has been other things, even before the fight, like Anna calling her mama when she called everyone mama and saying how she liked it, being overly cuddly with her, expressing annoyance that I wouldn't put outfits that she had bought her for special events, despite me already having done so, saying that she would love to adopt her should anything happen etc. she races to her at family events, she gives her birthday presents whenever she sees her regardless how long it has been since her birthday,, she doesnt acknowledge our other children, she also had no interest in my niece's either. Only Anna.
When I had my last child I brought the baby to my grandparent to see her, he barely acknowledged the baby, instead saying that I should bring Anna,that she belongs there, because if it wasn't for my aunt putting clothes on her back and food in her mouth social services would have taken her from me. Which is the biggest pile of stinking... I've ever heard. Nobody has ever given to Anna what I couldn't already.
So since the initial argument years ago, Anna has never been left alone with her. I've up and left as soon as anything untoward was said.
Today we had an event that my aunt was late for, we had been there a while so I was going soon because the baby was very tired and needed a nap. When I realised that she was there and gone, I saw Anna out in aunt's car alone with her. So I went out and toddler followed, told Anna we were going, to which aunt got irritated and told me to go on and leave anna there.i said absolutely not, but anna was visibly uncomfortable and seemed glad. Toddler climbed into the car with them and as I was putting the baby in the car I saw what I thought was her shoving him on the ground, proceeding to walk off before she spied me and sweetly said oh baby are you ok. I picked him up and put him in,followed by Anna nearly running out the door away from her.
Anna told me on the way home that my aunt had asked her to come out to the car talk privately. She told Anna to keep itsecret (no chance, we don't keep secrets from mum) that it was myself and my partner saying horrible things to her first, that we were the ones telling lies, that my partner is bad to me and bad to Anna, that my partner is not her daddy and that I shouldn't be her mother, but actually that she should be!
She was so annoyed and I was so angry I had to pull over for a minute to gather myself.
Anna said she knows it's lies, that we aren't bad to her and thought she was a bit delulu for saying what she said, especially since she is essentially a stranger to her now.
I'm ranting because I'm raging, I thought I did well keeping her from them to avoid this actual situation, but she sneaks her off to do this the first chance she got. I'm actually disgusted and feel so bad for my child for being put in that situation.
I don't know what to do, we have ignored it all over the years, maintained the bigger person. But now I just want to go to her house and blacken her eyes. My partner wasn't at the event due to other commitments and I haven't told him yet, but I know he's going to be upset too as he considers Anna his own.
I think from here on out I'll avoid affairs that involve her and totally cut her off.

Several years ago, I(30) moved in with my parents after dropping out of college (due to an event that left me very traumatized, and I have never told my family about it).
My sister(29), whom I will call Mary, got married very young and has two small children. When I returned to my parents' house, she also moved in with us and got divorced (They divorced because they were miserable together).
As soon as they moved in, my mother told me that while Mary finished university I would take care of her children, and so I did, they were the worst years of my life, I spent all day taking care of children, they didn't pay me so I had no money, they yelled at me and they demanded that I control them but I did not have permission to discipline them, if I scolded them my mother would yell and insult me so they learned that I had no authority over anyone and if they yelled or broke something I was the one who paid for it.
The ex basically disappeared and had no contact with his children again. Every day Mary left the house at dawn and returned at midnight with the excuse that she was at university (later we found out that she only had about 3 classes a day and the rest of the time she spent with her friends drinking or at parties).
And so I wasted my 20's taking care of her children while she enjoyed her 20's partying.
When she finished university I was happy because I thought everything was going to change but it didn't, Mary told us that she would start working and that she would have less time to take care of her children, that's when something inside me broke.
I started throwing away all my possessions, I stopped taking care of the children completely, I stopped talking to Mary, leaving the room if she came in, my mother started taking care of the children since the schools reported that they had not been going for a while and were practically alone all day.
That's when Mary and my mother got mad at me but I just isolated myself more and ignored their insults.
By a miracle I managed to move out of my parents' house and now my life is much better away from them. I talked to my mother and made many things clear to her. She apologized and promised to never ask me to raise my nephews again. Now I see her suffering at 70 years old as she has to raise two small children every day.
Mary and I never spoke again, she took my silence as a slap in the face and all her friends spread the lie that I had done something unforgivable to her, I didn't care much, in fact It helped to keep her away from me.
The problem is that she is pregnant again and it is going to be her baby shower, the last thing I want is to be stuck there and I told my mom that I wasn't going to go, she said that's fine.
But it seems that in the years that I didn't know anything about Mary, many of her friends stopped talking to her. My mother called me saying: -It looks bad that you don't come to events just because of your resentment towards Mary.
I'm not going, but I want to know if AITA for avoid all the events that my sister attends. I should let go and join the family again?

Tw: termination of pregnancy and loss
I (25f) have a sister (23f) who had her first baby as a teenager. For the most part, our family and the BD’s family have raised this child. Mostly my niece’s great grandmas (my grandma and the father’s grandma). This child was also 100% planned and it was a whole fiasco. I would like to mention that our grandma raised us and is religious.
A few years later, my sister moved to another state and met this guy. Not long after meeting him, she moved in with him and then became pregnant again. She did end up losing that pregnancy about a month after finding out. I’d say about a year or so later, she got pregnant again. A couple was supposed to adopt my nephew, but she ended up ghosting them and backed out of that decision. She moved back him for a while, led her daughter to believe she’s here to stay, and then moved back in with the guy she had her second baby with.
I’d like to add that the two of them live with his father, who despises my sister. She also runs through jobs quickly because she cannot handle pressure. She does not drive and does not have a license either.
Now about a month or so ago, my sister found out she was a month or so pregnant and got an abortion. I supported this decision considering she isn’t even raising one child and her situation with her youngest isn’t the best.
Now, she might be pregnant again. She explained to me that they used protection and that when he was done, it had leaked out. I told her they should probably stop until her tubes are removed and now she’s mad at me. She said they are married and that they can have intimacy but “at least they were responsible”. In my opinion, they shouldn’t even take the risk if this is a reoccurring situation with pregnancy scares.
AITA?
Edit for clarification: She refuses to use birth control which is why I told her she should just stop having intimacy. If they can’t even use condoms properly, they are going to end up with another pregnancy.

This past week I’ve gained the courage to tell my mom that her sister m******d me when I was very young. I remember telling my mom about it when I was little and she believed me, I remember telling my grandma too but she just said “No she didn’t” and honestly she was a terrible mom bc she let it happen to my mother too when she was younger and was just a bitch (she’s passed on now since a couple years ago) but just recently I felt like I wanted to tell my mom because it’s been on my chest lately, I feel like she forgot because when she was telling me about what happened to her, I started crying really hard and said “I understand” and she looked at me and said “Did someone do something to you?!?” And at that moment I realized she forgot what I told her when I was like 5 or 6 about my aunt abusing me. Since I was a child I’ve been depressed and anxious which made me a depressed and anxious teen and now adult. I’ve always felt like my mom looked at it as “Just a moody kid or teenager” but there’s a reason why. I just want my mom to understand that I wasn’t just trying to be emo, sad or down as “apart of growing up”. This has effected me greatly and this week on Wednesday I was gonna tell her but then I found out my siblings are going to my aunts house and I didn’t want to ruin their fun with our cousins over there (of course, my siblings are younger and don’t know what happened to me, my little brother is 9 years younger so I was alone for a while) but as soon as I heard they were going over there I pushed the date back to when they come back from her house. My problem is NOW I’m feeling a bit anxious about telling my mom, I had so much confidence but now I’m thinking how she would react, how the kids won’t be able to go back and play and I don’t want to ruin that for them, how it may make my mom sad and do god knows what. My head is in a twister and I’m sparring everyone by not mentioning it. Last night I sat there chanting to myself, “Don’t say anything, don’t say anything” because I already see the effect of what my mom went through all over her mind, mine isn’t shown because ive been such a good actress this whole time. I guess I just don’t want to bring more trauma to my mom. ): what should I do?

I grew up in an agnostic household we didn’t attend church or really talk about God but were never directly opposed to Christianity, although my grandma has always said she stopped believing in God because her first child, my aunt, was born with Down syndrome. She faced many challenges in the beginning, in that time it was a common practice to put children with Down syndrome in homes. After visiting one of these homes after my aunt was born because that’s what she was told she was supposed to do she was absolutely horrified at the lack of care she says that she left the establishment in tears and vowed to never put my aunt in a home like that. She still gets emotional when she talks about it. My Aunt through the love and care of my grandma lived to be in her 60’s way past what the doctors said would be her life expectancy.
I went through a pregnancy loss recently followed by crippling anxiety which led me to find God for the first time in my life. He healed me and brought me out of the darkness. I know that my experience doesn’t compare to a lifetime of challenges of taking care of a disabled child and watching your child struggle but I want to share this experience with my grandma to show that my trauma led me to God rather than away. That I don’t blame God for what happened to me. I’m looking for tips on how I should share the word with her.

I have a desired face, and I'm starting to be more confident because of subliminals too but the thought in my head that tells me exactly why I want to change my face, get taller, stop being so introverted makes me feel so down i swear. I was just listening to my dad talking on the phone to my aunt, and grandparents and he said how him and my mom were saying and laughing about I look a lot like a certain family member I DO NOT want to be said I look like. We don't even look alike, it's just we seem similar in the sense we don't look like we're from our country. And I still remember being told my nose is different and if it was sharper at the front instead of my side profiles I would look more better and like my mother It just feels a bit disappointing and just plain bad to feel
Why can't I just be confident and take pictures of myself? It's annoying. I'm proud of myself but it's not enough Maybe it's my fault for being impatient, I'm so young my face is still going to develop but it still makes me feel bad that I have that feeling that makes me want to change how I look.

I moved out of my parents' last month at the age of 25. I thought this would come with freedom and independence, which, to an extent, it has. But my dad was still calling every day and made me text him every morning to let him know that I had gotten to work safely. I understand that he's worried about me, but I think I can go to and from work on my own without informing him of my whereabouts. Eventually, I told him to stop and to only call me once a week. One day he called when it wasn't the day we had agreed on, so I didn't pick up. He told my entire family to call me, and my aunt told me he was about to call the police. I had to call him while I was at work so he knew that I hadn't been abducted, even though I texted him. He said that anyone could've taken my phone and pretended to be me. Initially, he wanted me to come home every weekend, but I said, "No, I'll come home every three weeks," but every week when he calls, he asks me what I did, and if I say I just stayed at home, he's like "Well then, you should've come home instead. It's so sad spending the weekend alone yada yada", when I've told him over and over again that I enjoy living alone and that I didn't feel independent while living at home.
The last straw was last week when my aunt called me and lectured me for over an hour about how I need to find a husband and start putting more effort into my appearance by wearing makeup, gaining weight, etc. Basically my entire family is very involved in each other's lives, but I don't want to be a part of it anymore. I don't want to be told what to do with my life; I'm an adult and I can support myself and feel happy doing so. I feel like I will never be truly happy if I don't break free from them now, as they will always find things to be unsatisfied about when it comes to my life. My dad is even badgering me about where I will live once my lease is up, because he wants me to live in a nicer apartment, and he wants me to get a better job, etc., even though I have a decent job and I'm about to be promoted. It's just one thing after another. I feel drained having to justify my actions and my way of living, and I'm always worrying about what they will bring up next and how I'll have to tell my dad that I just want to continue living alone in a studio apartment.
The only thing is that I'm quite close to my younger cousins, but they live on the same street as my parents and my grandparents, and there's no way I can cut off my parents and the rest of my family without cutting them off too. I tell myself that, in a few years, they will outgrow me anyway. They're in their early teens now and have already stopped responding to my texts when they don't feel like it haha. But I ultimately think this is the best decision for me.

I am a 23yr old female and I have been dealing with my mother who is an alcoholic since I was in 3rd grade. I live with my mom and dad, and my dad is very toxic. He loves to guilt trip and he will say anything to hurt you. But this isn’t what this is about. As far back to high school, my mom would be drinking and finishing a 1 liter bottle of V.O (Canadian whiskey) by herself within a week. She would get home from work and essentially be black out drunk almost every single day. I would constantly tell her how much it bothers me and hurts me that she’s drinking so much. I basically had no adult to go to. My dad would blame me for my moms drinking when we would go to my aunts house, which was 30min away, and my mom would drive us there and back even after drinking. My dad would ask me “why didn’t you watch her” as if it was any of my responsibility. My aunt (my moms sister) know about my mother’s drinking problem but they would still enable it by bringing out a bottle every time she’s around. My aunt will occasionally come over on Sundays to do laundry and she will be at my house by 8am or earlier and they get straight to drinking. This past weekend (Mother’s Day weekend) my mom drank that entire liter of alcohol from the span of Friday through Sunday. I didn’t see her sober once since before I left for work at 9am that Friday. My mom went grocery shopping again and bought a smaller bottle of some alcohol I didn’t really look and that’s almost gone too. I truly worry about my mom. I don’t know what to do or what to even say to her. In the past I have talked to her about her drinking and how she wasn’t there for me when I was a teen but she gets really defensive. As this title says I truly do believe she’s going to kill herself with all of this. Your liver can only take so much and she’s been doing this for decades. If anyone has any advice anything is appreciated.

First of all... i m a complete mess... i get so angry sometimes.... my parents used to fight a lot(i still love them), i remember my mom with bruises on her eyes, he ripper her hair and beat hed(only one time) he would scream at each other every morning. He used to tell her to suck his dick if he would give her a ride to her relatives, I was 12 years old(he wouldn t stand them), right now my dad is dead. December last year he died, my mom said he had a heart attack and that s why he drowned in a lake. Actually she admitted he drowned because he was drunk(actually i m extremelly paranoid and I think someone killed him, I have mental issues), because i just quit a job two weeks before he died and he bringed me back home and i had beef with everyone at work. When i was little he would leave us at the supermarket, he would just leave getting angry for no reason, knowing we don t have money. He worked a lot, he left us an house an apartment two cars and some money.but i have real anger issues. He used to beat me with his belt daily. For nothing i even did. He would say things about having a boner about his mother in law in front of me and my mom. He was really sick... i don t know, at dad funeral my mom put this aunt of mine in charge she would give orders in our house, and i should ve been angry but i was a total mess and a lot of people was therel, she would made fun of me, she even choosed the place where my dad was buried, i can t even explain the mistake my mom did.

I was recently was told my nephew (Don 30M) has been cheating on his fiance (Kim 29F). The source is his brother, my other nephew (Dave 32M).
Dave and I were talking as Dave has issues. Dave is also cheating but his girlfriend knows. This is it's own reddit thread.
Dave told me about a competition between himself and Don. The competition was to see who could bed 100 women first. Dave said he has made it to 100 women but Don beat him to 100 first. Dave continued to say Don has got a lot of tail after he started going out with Kim.
I detest cheaters. I have been married 23 years and have never cheated. The secret to long term marriage is love, faithfulness and communication. Communication is the hardest of the three.
I am a lawyer and recently had a visit from a client. She was female and was constantly crying in our meeting due to her husband cheating. She found out that day and I was the first person she came to see.
Personally, I do know why anyone would want hurt the one they love by cheating. Witnessing the client who was cheated on tugged at my heart.
I spoke to my sister, mother of Don and Dave, and my sister was in denial. She said Dave is not a reliable source. My sister did know her son, Don, was cheating when he started going out with Kim but that has stopped.
I do not want to strain the relationship with my sister but morally speaking, Kim needs to know. I am considering either writing a letter or setting up a fake facebook account to let Kim know. If I do this, AITA.

Medyo mahaba ito so if you can spare 30 min, go ahead. This is also a throwaway account to keep anonymity.
Hi, I'm a M, in my late 20s.
My dad is an OFW, so our mom served as our father figure when he is away 9 months a year.
I have a tita who acted as my mother figure, and a sister.
Yung tatay ko naman ay responsable at malambing sa nanay namin.
Let's just say I always admired him, and always wanted to be like him, and fulfill his wishes.
Lagi niya kasi ako binubulungan na kapag lumaki na daw ako, bibilhan ko siya ng sasakyan. Utang na loob ba.
Well, I tried to be like him, think like him, act like him. Tingin ko kasi yun ang paraan para maging mabait siya sakin. Papaano kasi takot ang tinanim niya sa isip naming magkakapatid.
Until I realized my values don't align with his.
Balik tayo sa childhood. I always find him confusing since my childhood days.
Sa tuwing uuwi siya, pagbubuhatin lang niya ako ng bagahe niya habang malambing niyang binabati yung sister at mom ko.
Isa lang yan sa mga confusing na behaviors niya, kumbaga sa relasyon eh mixed signals lagi.
Pero inisip ko nalang eh kasi lalaki akong anak kaya siguro ganun, dapat tigasin ang trato.
Pero bakit nga ba confusing? Kasi kapag nandyan nanay namin ang bait bait ng tatay namin eh. Pero kapag pumapasok na si nanay sa trabaho, nag-iiba yung ugali ni tatay, nagiging hostile siya up to the point na unreasonable na. Tawag nga sa kanya ng kapatid ko, bully kasi ugaling bully talaga minus pagbubuhat ng kamay.
Paano nga ba siya naging hostile?
Una, hindi mo malapitan kasi nakasinghal palagi at nakasimangot. Tapos palagi may session yan na tuturuan niya kami magluto o papanoorin kami gumawa ng gawaing bahay, para lang punahin bawat galaw namin sabay mura, ad hominem at kumpara sa ibang mga bata. Tapos siya na tatapos ng gawain after niya kami pahiyain. The rest of the day, walang nagsasalita siya lang. He will always rant about anything, basta palagi siya "galit" mode.
Tapos uuwi na si nanay. Sa dinner table, kapag kinakamusta kami ni nanay, inuunahan kami sumagot ni tatay. Kahit kitang kita naman sa mukha namin na hindi kami okay kasama itong tatay namin, hindi namin masabi kay nanay. Nakakatakot magsumbong eh. Tapos ano pa yan, babalik siya sa pagiging mabait at malambing na tatay. Ganyan siya kapag kasama namin si nanay.
Maybe I always knew something is off, that's why it felt weird when he tried to gaslight us. He always says "alam ng magulang ang nakabubuti sa anak" pero hindi naman marunong magturo.
At kapag hindi niya nakukuha gusto niya sa amin (after all his antics and hostility), magiging passive aggressive siya. Kapag gusto niya kami gumising ng maaga, magpapatugtog yan ng stereo ng malakas. Gusto niya kasi probinsya style, eh that time todo puyat na ko sa school sa dami ng pinapasang requirements.
O kaya kapag nagkukulong ako sa kwarto studying, sisinghal uli yan ng "ano ba yan palagi nalang kayo nasa kwarto" na may kasamang mura syempre.
Nanay namin never nagmura sa harap namin.
Heck, there is even one time na nagising ako 11am because I slept at 4am doing schoolwork. Pucha pagising ko singhal agad itong tatay namin na palaging galit at sabi ba naman sa akin, "huwag ka na kumain" (mag alamusal). Edi pumunta nalang ako sa study table para ituloy yung assignment ko. Pero gigil na gigil ako sa galit nun at mangiyak-iyak ako. Sa isip ko, grabe naman 'to, first time ko lang magpuyat ng sagad galit na agad inabot ko. At first time na may nagalit sa akin dahil sa nag-aral ako? LMAO.
Then our aunt (na maglalayas later on kasi lagi siya sinisigawan ng tatay namin) said, "bakit naman ganun" as she tried to reason out how unreasonable our dad is.
Well, it took me years to realize na yung ginagawa niya sa amin, hybrid ng bully parenting at gaslighting.
Pero bakit nga ba siya hindi marunong magturo?
Ganito yon, I still remember when he tried to teach us how to cook but he didn't tell us the basics. Grade 1 ako na hindi marunog magbukas ng kalan. Edi hindi umapoy. Singhal agad si g*go. Sabay mura, panglalait, at ikukumpara ka na sa mga batang salat sa buhay, na hindi daw kasi kami lumaki ng probinsya.. yun pala may hinanakit siya kasi our mom insisted na bumukod sa fam ni tatay sa province, kasi ayaw ni mom na may in-laws na nangingialam. Eh itong tatay namin, obssessed sa pagiging probinsyano niya.
But, kasalanan ba ng mga bata yun? Kami pa talaga pinagbuntungan. Lol.
Lol kahit nga paraan ng pag-kain dapat daw "European"
yung naka fork at knife kahit sinigang ang ulam kasi pagtatawanan daw kami. Ewan, idol na idol niya siguro mga "puti" (yan tawag niya sa Europeans) kaka-cruise ship niya.
Oo, seaman siya.
At first I thought ganun lang siya samin kasi nga "alam ng magulang ang nakabubuti sa anak" until I found a pattern on how he treats people.
Sadly, I found out about it late and I just ignored all his antics all throughout my childhood.
So ganito. By default, palagi siya nakasinghal at hindi nakikinig sa opinyon ng ibang tao na tingin niya ay mas mababa sa kanya.
Oo, sobrang bait niyan kapag alam niyang mayaman yung tao o kaya may "narating sa buhay"
Else, mapanglait na at walang respeto.
Worst thing is, mahilig siya manlait towards lgbt, sa body shaming mahilig rin, dog lover daw pero nagbabanta na pumatay ng aso, maka Leni lang kasi si Mar Roxas talaga idol niya kasi ka-probinsya niya, etc.
Heck, there was even one time na may trabahador sa bahay namin na halos natutuliro na sa takot kasi lagi niya sinisigawan at palagi pinupuna pati personal life. Self-righteous catholic pero mapanglait sa kapwa.
There is also another time na lumayas yung auntie ko sa bahay namin kasi lagi rin niya sinisinghalan at pinupuna (sister in law niya si auntie, pero si auntie kasi helper ang trabaho so alam mo na bakit siya ganun kay auntie).
And many more..
Until one day, I realized na lumalapit na ako sa breaking point.
Papaano, tanda-tanda ko na (early 20s) pero minumura pa rin niya ako at pinupuna. Pangit daw pagkakalatag ng kable sa pc setup ko (paki mo ba lol), payat ko daw kaya dapat mag-gym ako kasi maganda daw bato-bato ang katawan sa lalaki (oo mahilig mangbody shame yan ng boksingero na payat na parang wala siyang alam sa weight class sa boxing lol)
at ang tanda-tanda ko na daw di pa daw ako marunong magdrive (who cares about age lol).
Eh siya? Tanda-tanda na niya hindi parin siya marunong magturo ng maayos.
Idol ko pa siya nito kaya nagpapaturo pa ko magdrive sa kanya. Kaso wala, puro mura lang inabot ko, pangkukumpara sa mga babae na mas mabilis daw magpatakbo (lmao sexist na insecure ata) at kung anu-ano pa.
Muntikan na nga sila mag-away ng nanay ko kasi sagot ng nanay ko "ano ba problema mo sa mga babae" kasi puro "babae kasi" ang sinasabi ng tatay namin kapag may mabagal na sasakyan, etc.
Mind you, I never gained confidence until I am forced to drive on my own kuha ng pandemic at dahil yun sa wala siya sa tabi ko na sinisinghalan ako kada sa galaw ko, witch matching na "p*** ka".
Worse thing is, "wala, wala talaga." tapos hindi ka naman icocorrect. Manghuhula pa ako san ako nagkamali lol. How can you build confidence on that?
Then the breaking point happened.
Komprontahan na.
Nung umuwi siya that year, nag breakdown na ako sa harap ng pamilya. Ayaw pa niya aminin yung mga ginagawa niya lol. He even tried to dismiss and invalidate me, the usual stuff you know. Buti nalang nandyan nanay namin to mediate.
Since then I realized that I will never please him, at nasa 20s na ako pero ganun pa rin siya sa akin. Actually, simula childhood ko hostile na siya sakin.
Heck, I should just walk my own path and stop emulating him. So I stopped imitating him. I dropped his toxic values that felt weird to me, and I followed my own. I felt happy, and at peace.
Then I started meeting people and connecting with them, the right people. Those people who corrected my bad values, and from there I slowly started to change.
I stopped connecting with my old friends of my old self, because not only I was imitating someone who I'm not, but I am chasing an identity that does not align with them.
I finally followed my passion (gusto ng tatay ko kasi mag seaman ako lol), embraced the affectionate side of myself (dati kasi bawal maging malambing hindi daw kasi trait ng lalaki yun), and became more open to people (kahit lgbt pa) and I never discriminated again.
I stopped caring on what others will view me (laging rason ng tatay ko sa mga turo is para hindi daw kami pagtawanan ng iba). Yung takot ko dati na mapagtawanan tinapon ko na. You do you.
I still remember my college days na mapanglait ako sa mga classmates namin na hindi marunong sa mga main subjects. Eh dahil ba sa magaling ako dapat ko na gawin yun? Namana ko pala yung ugaling yun sa tatay ko.
I stopped catcalling, I stopped thinking women as inferior gender, I stopped being a hypocrite Catholic (yes he is a solid Catholic na lumuhod kay virgin mary kada umaga pero ang baba ng tingin sa mga babae), I stopped all the toxic things na nakuha ko sa tatay ko.
I am still in the process of finding who I am and evolving my values, but I never felt this free kaya I am happy to break out of his shadow. Tuloy lang ang buhay at pag-eexplore.
Sarap pala sa feeling na magkaroon ng mga kaibigan. People who are really your tribe. Yung mga dati ko kasing kaibigan, kuhang-kuha rin yung values at ugali na nakuha ko sa tatay ko. I felt like I belonged there but there is always something off.
But not everything is good kasi ang naging kapalit ng breaking free from my father's shadow is, naging distant ako sa tatay ko.
Trauma na din siguro. First, ayoko lang na nasa paligid siya. Mixed emotions eh. Kung hindi anxiety, inis lang nararamdaman ko. Saka para bang nagiging defensive ako, I feel like he will say something bad everytime he comes near me to start a conversation.
Kapag naririnig ko siya na sumisinghal o kahit malakas lang boses eh naalala ko ang lahat. Kapag may minumura siyang mga holdaper sa balita o nagdadabog habang nanonood ng basketball, naalala ko lahat.
Second, I don't know how to express my real self to him. I just know he will never understand kasi salungat na mga values ko sa kanya.
Wala na kami ibang pinaguusapan kundi basketball and that's it.
Third, I consider myself geek and well-read. He is the opposite, and he is street smart (laking probinsya, worked blue collar jobs in Manila in his 20s), but at the same time I can feel his hostility towards smart people. Kasi palagi yan nagsasabi, "pag pinadala yan sa probinsya wala yan"
I get him, but I feel like I am walking on eggshells kasi baka matrigger siya at yung maging response niya mag-trigger din sa mga unresolved trauma ko from him. Mahirap imagine kapag nangyari yun, kasi baka magkagulo nalang talaga.
Fourth, it took 3 years before he become fully nice to me. In denial pa kasi siya sa "awkwardness" namin. Todo iwas kasi ako.
The first year nangpupuna pa rin siya, the second year he is still trying to insist his values. Those two years were hell though, kasi kapag ginagawa niya yan, silent treatment ginagawa ko. Hindi naman kasi siya marunong makinig sa palinawag ng isang taong mas "bata" sa kanya.
Also, he never changed his attitude towards others. Mabait lang sa akin kasi confronted ko na siya. Mapanlait pa rin siya sa iba, yung kapatid ko nga sinasabihan pa rin niyang mataba hanggang ngayon. Pero malapit na rin yun sa breaking point niya.
Until today, never kami nag-outing ng pamilya ko na buo since the confrontation happened.
I just can't stand hearing his voice. Naalala ko lahat eh.
Also, I need to match his energy at kapag hindi ko kaya, I just avoid him. Minsan walang kibo nalang talaga.
Look, days are good if I can match his energy. Para kasing machine gun yun dumaldal. Singhal agad tapos mabilis, tapos walang paki sa social cues dadaldalin ka agad. So matching his energy is exhausting.
Hindi kasi ako yung taong nangpaplastik. Magkaiba kami ng values eh, minsan may mga nasasabi pa yan na bigla nalang ako nattrigger.
So that's the aftermath.
One thing I realized is hindi ko naman pala siya dapat i-please para hindi siya maging hostile sakin.
But it feels staged at parang naging standoff lang.
Maybe I am still expecting some level of affection kasi wala eh, tatay ko pa rin siya. Baka naman kasi kaya ko pa rin maging affectionate sa kanya just like how I am with my tita (mother figure), mom (father figure), and sister.
How did I know that I can? Madali lang sa akin makipagkaibigan sa mga lalaking mas matanda sa akin, sa mga kuya, manong, at lolo. Kahit na same pa sila ng values sa tatay ko, kaya ko. Kaya ko makisama sa ibang tao, pero bakit sa kanya hirap ako?
Hindi ko alam, hindi kasi ako makaramdam ng peace to be affectionate sa tatay ko. Lalim kasi ng hugot at sugat eh. Ganun siguro.
Hindi madali but I am doing it for my mom. Kitang-kita ko kasi yung saya ng nanay ko kapag nag-uusap kami ng tatay ko. Kahit sandali lang, happy na siya na makitang may moments na "okay" kami ng tatay ko.
Well, I'll just give her that.
I still think of my mom as the father figure, siya kasi yung balance ng disciplinarian at affectionate traits. I respect her.
Yung tatay ko naman, I simlply can't think of him as a father figure anymore. I dropped it already. His hostility to me for 20+ years is not easy to forget. I stopped chasing his approval, at hindi ko siya dapat ginaya. I realized that I don't respect him the same as my mom, takot lang talaga ako sa kanya nung bata ako, at ngayon I still have unresolved issues with him.
I guess hindi na talaga maaayos ng tuluyan yung relationship namin. In the words of nanay "may lamat na ba talaga anak?"
Oo nalang talaga ang sagot ko, because my way to keep my sanity is by setting boundaries and part of it is by being distant to him when I need to.
Thank you for reading.