Forwards about boyfriends

I (F18) take love seriously, and when I love, I love hard.
I met this guy (M 18), who is now my beloved boyfriend, last March through a friend. I really don't like going out, but that day was different. To give you guys some context, this guy and me are in the same school publication (we are both writers) and we have mutual friends. I didn't notice him at first, but ever since my friends talked about him (I asked them if they know someone who can play bass for our band), I couldn't help but to think that "Woah, he's interesting." I didn't have the intention to talk to him or have some relationship with him (I am really not used to that, plus I am really a busy person), but I guess the universe has its own plan.
That same night, my friends invited me on a discord call, and there I saw him on the call. Being an awkward person I am, I was just silent the whole time, even though my friends are subtlety setting me up with him. I didn't like it at first (I was flustered but I didn't want something to happen), but eventually while he talks about his interests (my friends were asking him for my sake), I just can't deny the fact that he's cool. Well then again, I wasn't saying anything. Not until he mentioned dinosaurs, which piqued my interests.
And that's how our conversation started. We were strangers, but that night? God, we talked for hours, to the point that it seems like we've forgotten that we're in a group call. Plus, he was playing with our friends too that time. However, I didn't overthink it. I just thought that maybe he's being friendly, but nah, his and my friends says otherwise.
Fast forward, we talked and hung out in real life (since we are schoolmates), and that's when I realized that I am catching feelings. I am not lying when I say that everything just feels so right, everything felt natural, talking with him and being with him brought color to my dull life. So then, the next week, he confessed. It felt so genuine, like really.
"I know it's weird because we just met properly last week, but I can't help it. I want to get to know you more, not as a friend. Because I like you." He said.
It was overwhelming for me because yeah, given the time span, it felt fast. I felt absurd that I liked him already in that time span, but can I really blame myself? How could I stop myself from falling for him? Fast forward again, we've been talking and going out, and just last April 30, we made things official.
However, I am feeling conflicted. I do love him, but the question of "Are we going too fast" kept popping. I have two past relationships, and all of them were bad. Now, I am scared that this time, it'll fail again. Which is leading me now to unintentionally pushing him away. I am so scared to trust him, and I am so scared to show affection to him. Maybe knowing his past was also a factor. I know that I shouldn't bothered by it, but God, i am really bugged. He used to drink and smoke, but he stopped. He had been in relationships too that involves intimate stuff. I feel so conflicted.
One more question, why do I feel distant with him whenever we talk? I feel like our conversations had become shallow and now I am starting to feel like I am drifting away because of that, and I know I shouldn't feel that way. He's really trying to talk to me, but for some reason, I can't help but to feel like there's a barrier between us.
He's really a great guy, he assures me, talks to me even though sometimes I can't say anything (I need to work on that), so now I am here asking for advice. What should I do? How do I deal with this feelings?
I badly want to make this work, I don't want to hurt him like this, and I really want it to be him.

I (21M) have recently got back in contact with a girl (20F) I was really close with at one point in my life. It ended pretty badly, about 2.5 years ago, after 3 years of on and off type stuff, but about a week ago her name popped up and I figured it had been long enough that we could catch up and it not be weird or there be any emotional stuff.
We got to talking and after a few days, it got a bit flirty. Nothing crazy, but it was comfortable so, you know, why not? She was giving me the same energy back. I don’t really trust this girl after the way she hurt me in the past so I made it VERY clear early on that it was just flirty chatting, nothing more, and she was fine with that.
Aside from the flirting we spoke about a lot of things…her ex, my ex, our relationships that hadn’t worked out, why she was still working the same dead end job she had been since 16 even though she had qualifications in engineering, lots of things about her life both past and most definitely currently.
Fast forward to last night and we’re talking some more and I realised she kept disappearing. When I’d ask ‘what’ve you done today?’ she’d say ‘I’ve been out’, which is kind of out of character for her. Like I said we were super close to the point where I can read her like a book, and every time we’ve spoke since getting back into contact there’s been no evasiveness until I’d ask about her day.
I’m no idiot, and I know her well enough to know she was hiding something from me so I asked her straight up ‘what aren’t you telling me’ and she told me that she’s seeing someone. I asked ‘is he your boyfriend?’ She replied ‘kind of’.
I was more concerned with getting a straight yes or no, because if this guy is her boyfriend and not a situationship or something I’ve been unintentionally homewrecking for the past 3 weeks. She told me they broke up but she’s been seeing him again a lot recently but doesn’t know how she feels about it because me and her started talking again.
She told me he’s really controlling and it was nice for her to feel free again for a bit. I used to be a support worker for victims of abuse so I understand why people go back, but that’s even if it’s true and she’s not exaggerating as a form of damage control, I really don’t know.
I’ve tried to advise her and help her, in amongst the flirting we’ve had some really serious conversations about her life stagnating. She’s never looked for another job even though she’s hated hers for years (since 16), refuses to go to the gym because she’s scared of people, won’t eat more than 1 meal a day even though she knows she’s getting to a dangerous level and keeps going back to this abusive guy cos she’s scared of being alone, and the only thing that might change one of those things is her latching on to me rather than Mr control freak, which she admitted herself.
I feel slightly guilty for getting annoyed about it but it’s so frustrating trying day-in day-out to help someone who says they want your help but refuse to take even the smallest step. I feel a bit hopeless, and I don’t want to cut her off again but if it keeps draining me like this I don’t want to sacrifice my own happiness to help someone unwilling to accept the help she’s asking for.
She’s got no healthy coping mechanisms at all and every day I’m trying to at least start getting used to the idea, asking if she’s eaten or just chip away at that social anxiety so she starts working out and meeting new people, but I also don’t want her to attach herself to me because I don’t feel that way about her at all, emotionally anyway, something I’ve communicated to her multiple times in the past few weeks, and knowing I’ve technically helped her cheat even though the guys an asshole doesn’t make me feel good at all.
I care about her a lot, and I just see the potential she has, I know healing is a process, but it seems like the only time she’s willing to do anything is if I tell her to do it, all she says when I ask her what she’s been doing for 3 years I’ve not been around is ‘just nothing haha’ or ‘I don’t know’.
She won’t talk to her friends cos she’s the ‘happy friend’…but she’s never even tried talking to them, she’s just bottled it all up and then as soon as I’ve appeared again she’s dumped everything on me and it’s a little bit draining, on top of the dragging me into her messy relationship by not telling me about the other guy straight away.
Yeah, pretty crazy, and idk if that all even makes sense I’m sure you can grasp how messy it is from how all over the place that story is. There’s so much more to it but yeah, just needed to get it off my chest.

Hi everyone,
Hope all of you are happy and fulfilled. Just to not make it very long, I'll go straight to the point.
I've (M25) been dating my girlfriend (F22) for almost 2 years now. Before dating me, she dated another guy and that relationship ended badly around 1-2 months before we started talking (I think/hope). Now fast forward to around 6 months into our relationship, I felt that she was constantly lying about small things.
One thing led to another, and one night I found myself opening her phone and going through her messages, an action that I'm not at all proud of, but which proved to open my eyes a little bit (or sort of). I found a conversation with a guy whose contact name wasn't his actual name. After reading 1 minute through the conversation, I found out that she modified that contact's name and it was actually her ex-boyfriend's name. What I read in that conversation was something that blew my mind.

1. She wrote about stuff that wasn't real at all. She told him about a job in a completely different city that we were living in and other personal things that I just didn't recognize about her, looking like she was living a double life or something.
   
2. She talked to him about seeing each other. A couple of days before I looked at her conversation, she told me that she was going to see a friend of hers who I also knew, when actually, after looking at the conversation, I found out that it was actually this person who she saw and not her friend.
   

After seeing all of this, I confronted her at that exact moment. I don't know how, but she managed to get out of it, and I believed her. About her "double-life" things, she told me that that person actually asked her to pretend she's another person just so that he could screenshot the conversation and send it to someone else. I don't remember the details, but I can't believe that I believed all of that. Regarding the second part, she told me that it's not actually her ex-boyfriend, but a friend of hers, and her ex-boyfriend's best friend, whose name was, you guessed it, the same as her ex-boyfriend's name. Apparently, they went out because they were really good friends before her break-up and he asked her to talk to her. Anyway, I believed everything, but still didn't like it all.
Now moving on to the present time, yesterday I was on her iPad, which I've been using regularly (she knew about this), and I found 2 screenshots. One of them was a screenshot she sent me a couple of weeks after that incident. She showed me that the guy wrote her again, asking her out, and she refused. The screenshot didn't show the guy's picture, just the name. The second screenshot was the exact same one but with the guy's picture not cropped out. And guess what, her ex-boyfriend was the one in the picture. (During that incident when I went through her phone, he had a picture with multiple people, so I believed her that it wasn't him).
This time, after a couple of hours, I started the conversation about that stuff again. I asked her who she had gone with that time, and she told me again that it was her friend (not her ex-boyfriend). I asked if she feels good about herself when she tells me this, and she told me that she does because she's not telling any lies. I told her that I always knew the actual truth and that our relationship will never really mature and evolve if she won't tell me the real truth. And we just stopped the conversation, and now we're in this state of not talking to each other. I don't really know what to do now. I don't want to show her the screenshot that I found, I just want her to tell me the truth because she wants to, not because she's obliged to.
What do you think I should do? I'd love to hear some external perspectives. Besides this conflict, I love her and I feel loved as well, we don't really have serious fights or anything, but this lie makes me wonder how many lies were there over time, and how many will be told in the future.

Hi, I (20F) have been in a polyamorous relationship with a guy (21M) for 1 year. Polyamory is pretty nuanced but our agreement is that while we are in a committed relationship, we can still explore our sexualities since we are both bisexual. I can see girls, he can see guys.
This is quite unusual, I know and a lot of people judge the quality of my relationship immediately when I say I’m polyamorous but it works for us and we’ve been really happy and hope to get married after we graduate.
In the beginning of our relationship, I was seeing a girl, we’ll call her Kelly who identifies as a lesbian. I absolutely adored her and she got on really well with my boyfriend. The three of us would watch movies together and fall asleep in the same bed without feeling uncomfortable. There was one problem, she would occasionally ghost me for 2-4 weeks due to health reasons. She is chronically ill and struggles with mental health. I have also struggled with mental illness and had to leave university for one year because of how bad it got. Nevertheless, I am on treatment now and mostly better. Because I can relate to having mental health issues, I tried to be as supportive as possible but her ghosting me for weeks at a time hurt very much especially because she would not communicate that she intended on having alone time. I would understand if it had been a few days. When she returned each time, she would not apologise until one day I started sobbing because she made me feel really confused and unwanted. She only ever apologised after I revealed that her actions hurt me but if I didn’t, she thought this behaviour was completely normal. It wasn’t the ghosting that hurt the most, it was the lack of communication about when she needed space and, the inability to recognise that her actions hurt me on her own, without any kind of prompt from me.
I eventually ended things with her which was extremely painful and hard to do because I truly loved her and my boyfriend and I enjoyed her company even if it was just sitting and chatting for hours.
Fast forward: I start seeing a new girl, we’ll call her Mary. Mary is a wonderful girl, but I was still hurting a lot from my experience with Kelly and I made her aware from the start that I am still processing a lot of the pain from my experience with my ex and that I’m working on it but that unhealed part of me might cause distrust.
Months go by, Mary and I become a lot closer. Exams start approaching and we’re seeing each other a lot less. It’s difficult to see each other because she doesn’t feel comfortable around my boyfriend and wouldn’t want to come over while he was there so he would have to leave every time we made plans and I hated doing that to him.
I need to give some context before we dive deeper. Over these few months, I spent time with her friends almost everyday at least for an hour and made an effort to get to know each and every single one of them and be on good terms with them. One of her friends called me pretentious to my face solely because I used the word, “idiosyncratic” in a conversation. This caught me off guard and when it happened, all her friends laughed at me including Mary which really hurt me because I would never let that slide if one of my friends said something like that to her let alone laugh. Some of her friends made me uncomfortable and were kind of mean to me? But I sat with them frequently anyway because I cared about her and wanting to make that sacrifice to spend time with her. In contrast, I have few close friends but the person closest to me is my boyfriend, naturally. Mary made no effort to get to know him or even be nice to him and this hurt me because my boyfriend is genuinely a soft and sweet person and I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t attempt to get to know him seeing as I made so much of an effort with her friends.
I would initiate all our dates, pay for her and essentially give her princess treatment, listen to her and give her advice when she was depressed late at night even if I had a test the next day. I went to my 10am lecture venue 20 minutes early everyday just so I could pass her and chat to her for a bit. I wasn’t perfect but I did give her a lot of my effort and time.
A few times, I vented to her about Kelly and I apologised, saying I hate being that person to talk about their ex. She reassured me that it was okay and she was there for me which brought me so much comfort.
Things go steadily until we got closer to exams and we could barely see each other because her friends are kind of rowdy and rambunctious and it was too hard to study around them so close to exams. In addition, she never wanted to come over unless the boyfriend wasn’t there. We made plans multiple times but something came up each time. I started to miss her a lot and asked my boyfriend if I could have the apartment some time during the week to see her and he was more than happy to stay at res that night. I got her roses, unwrapped and cut them, got rid of all the thorns, spray painted one black because she likes black, rewrapped them, got her chocolates and spent 4 hours cleaning my house.
She texts me asking to move the time we were supposed to meet up from 6pm to 9pm and this initially upsets me because I get anxiety when plans are changed last minute but I said it was fine.
9pm comes, no text. 9:20, nothing. I begin to freak out. She eventually texts me saying she lost her phone in an Uber and is texting from her pc and can’t make it. The exact message was, “I lost my phone in an Uber, i can’t make it.”
I immediately started searching online for ways to track her phone. Tried helping her login to Uber on her laptop and place an enquiry for a lost item, then helped her track the phone using her google account and she found where it was. I googled a bunch of things about the safety of the area to make sure where she was going was safe and told her to take a friend. She gets her phone back and all is well. Then goes to sleep.
Now I don’t know if I’m being dramatic but what stood out to me was the lack of, “I’m sorry that I couldn’t make it, I know you really wanted to see me and probably made your boyfriend leave and put a lot of effort into this. It was a mistake but I am sorry for how it affected your day and feelings.”
This is what I would have said asap if it was me. Yes, she lost her phone by accident but that doesn’t mean that it had no consequences for anyone else. I’ve lost things by accident before and still recognised that I should have been more aware/ responsible and apologise. I am always the first to apologise in situations and sometimes profusely even if it’s not a big deal because I feel really bad when I inconvenience/ upset people.
I messaged her saying it really bothered me that she did not apologise and disregarded how that affected my day, plans and feelings. She messaged back saying she meant to apologise but she was tired and forgot and a bunch of excuses. This didn’t make it better for me. A simple, “You’re right, I did mean to say sorry but it slipped my mind and I should have said that immediately. I appreciate all the effort you made and I’m gonna make it up to you.”
I started to get more upset the more she made excuses and told her that it was resurfacing trauma from my ex because Kelly would only apologise after I said I was hurt and have a million reasons to justify it. I told her I was feeling triggered and I felt like I was reliving bad memories. She sent me a long paragraph saying it’s not okay for me to compare her all the time (I’ve never compared her to Kelly other than this time) and said me talking about how Kelly hurt me put pressure on her to not do the same things. I said I was so sorry for comparing her and I didn’t mean to make her feel bad, I was just expressing that I was feeling triggered and wanted her to stop explaining herself because it was making bad memories resurface. Regardless, I was wrong and I promised that it would never ever happen again and while I was not aware that talking about Kelly pressured her, I am now and want to discuss it more in person BUT I felt like this was the wrong time for her to bring up everything I had done wrong and could do better when she had literally just done something that hurt me and we were discussing that and the conversation just shifted. I said I felt that she was deflecting and that while her points are valid, I wish she had asked to speak in person, apologised and then said she wants to address another issue with me and bring all of those concerns up. I feel like if something has been bothering someone for months in a friendship OR relationship, they shouldn’t choose to finally bring it up in the middle of being called out.
She got defensive then I got defensive, I said I was sorry and never wanted to make her feel that way again and will give her space and she should message me when she is ready to talk. I asked if she still wanted the flowers, she said yes and I brought them to her on Friday.
No text from her after that, nothing. I text on Sunday asking her what’s wrong and she says and I quote, “I've thought about it and I don't think we should keep hanging out or whatever. The way you reacted to me and made me feel really horrible about myself on Wednesday just made me think that that's not how I want to go about situations like those in the future and that I don't think we're suited for each other.”
This gutted me not only because she referred to our relation as “hanging out or whatever” but because I thought we had resolved our problems and were going to work through them together. It also hurt me because she broke up with me via text knowing she would see me the next day on campus after her lecture. It also hurt because she had only said she doesn’t want to see me anymore when I messaged to ask what was going on knowing I had told her I am giving her space and she should message me when she is ready to talk. But this wasn’t talking, it was a definitive decision and instead of telling me, she left me hanging for days, freaking out while waiting for an update. Lack of communication, once again.
I also felt like while I had made a mistake, I gave her a genuine apology, promised not to do it again and wanted to discuss it more. How did I become the villain of the story all of a sudden?
I felt like I had been so good to her and this issue, while valid, wasn’t big enough to break up over and speak to me like I meant nothing. An in-person conversation with something approximating, “You were good to me and I appreciate the effort you made and enjoyed our time together but the way you handled our last argument made me realise that we are not suited for each other. I wish the best for you.” would have been so much kinder and I reread her text over and over again asking myself what I did to deserve a breakup like that.
AITA for comparing her to my ex and saying that she should have brought up the issues she had with me and what I had been doing wrong separately after a genuine in-person apology.

TLDR: My boyfriend is amazing, but has depression which makes him constantly upset and irritated with me, making me extremely paranoid and on edge with everything I say because i’m scared he’ll get upset. He keeps saying he’d change, but goes back to how he was, but he is now seemingly making more of an effort to change by changing his medication and going to therapy. I still feel very paranoid and anxious with him even though he is doing better, but i’m worried that in the process of him getting fully better, he’ll go back to how he was, and I don’t know how much more of it I can take. He is an amazing man and I love him so much, but I’m worried I will always feel on edge when I’m with him. Any advice?
Hi! A little backstory, my boyfriend (19M) suffers from depression, and has always taken medication for it since he was younger. Right before we met, he had taken a gap year to focus on his mental health, and got to a point where he went off his medication because he didn’t like how it made him feel (zombie-like). We first met (we technically already knew each other but that’s besides the point)around 4-5 months before he would’ve started college again, and got together around 2 months into being friends. As school came around, he became really scared that he would have to take another gap semesteyear, because even though getting off his medication helped to an extent, he was still struggling with dealing with his mental health. At the same time, he was worried about getting on medication because he told me that he experiences and adjustment period for the first 6 weeks that causes him to become irritable and agitated very easily and have increased suicidal ideation, but even after the adjustment period, irritability would still be a side effect that he had to deal with and manage.
Eventually, when school started, his mental health did become worse, so he decided to get on medication again, and he did go through an adjustment period. It was a struggle- it was hard seeing him very sad and depressed all the time, and I always tried to help him as best as I could- offering to help him get ready in the morning/drive him to school if he couldn’t get out of bed, helping him with assignments, etc.
At the same time, he definitely became constantly agitated with me. If I didn’t hear him say something and asked him to repeat it (although this was also an issue before he started the medication, but i feel like it got more pronounced), he would basically get very clearly annoyed and quiet, barely talking to me or shutting me down with one word responses. If i didn’t text him for a couple of hours (i have adhd and will sometimes forget to text, which i know is reasonable to be upset about, but he would also do the same thing when playing games with friends), or talked just a bit too much (another adhd symptom, which again i understand can get annoying because i can sometimes go on for VERY long), or if i forget something (an item, memory, or something he told me before), or if we have a recurring joke but for some reason just didn’t like it that day, or if i called him on the phone unprompted (which he does to me too, so i didn’t know that was something i couldn’t do) or if i just say any normal thing but for some reason he just didn’t like it that day, i would be met with irritation, passive aggressiveness, and the silent treatment. I would’ve been slightly more okay with it if it was just a few minutes and then he was back to normal, but he would continue like this for HOURS. If we started talking in the evening, and i said something that slightly annoyed him, it was basically a guarantee that he would be essentially silent for the rest of the night. Not only that, but this happened almost every single day.
I’d like to note that he never expressed his irritation in an angry way, or yelled/said harmful things about me/did anything physical, he would just become very quiet, and anything he did say was very clearly in an irritated voice, as well as passive aggressive remarks.
Eventually, I talked about this with him. When i did, i basically completely forgot that his medication was a reason for a lot of what was happening, so when i talked to him about it, I didn’t mention medication at all. He told me that his medication caused a lot of his agitation and at first accused me of not believing that his medication caused side effects/not taking them seriously, but eventually apologized and said that it wasn’t an excuse and that he’d do better, but also said that sometimes i misinterpreted him as upset when he really wasn’t (which tbh i don’t believe, because sometimes if i pointed something out that he did, he’d say he wasn’t upset or annoyed at all, but a day or two later, tell me he was irritated with me).
He did do better for a bit, but after around a month it basically went to the same way it was before. This went on for a few months, I continued to have conversations with him, he continued to tell me he’d do better, and he would be a bit until he wasn’t. To be fair, after the 6 week adjustment period was over, he still was not doing well at all for about another month, and so he increased his medication dose, which made him have another adjustment period, and he did tell me that his biggest concern was how he’d treat me during that time, so I decided to keep being patient until he got his medication under control.
Fast forward a couple of months, and I was seeing improvements- until about 2 months ago. We saw each other a lot more often; before this time, we’d usually see each other 1-2 times a week and we’d have some sleepovers, but in those two months, i’d stay over at his house for 3-5 days a week. During this time, his irritation got way worse. He definitely valued his independence, but would continuously ask me to stay over, it wasn’t like I urged him to let me stay over. Here are some examples of things that happened:

1. before i came over, he told me how he didn’t want to think about making food because he was stressed over schoolwork. I asked him if I could make him something, he told me yes, so I made pizza while he showered. I’ve made pizza several times before, he made it once with me(also, i’ve cooked for years while he only started occasionally baking things when we got together since i liked to cook/bake), and when he came down, he saw the pizza dough was slightly stickier than it looked when he made it with me. He got annoyed and kept asking what I did wrong, and that from now on, i should only cook when he was with me to make sure I don’t mess it up, and then basically became extremely quiet for the next 15-30 minutes. I think he realized he sounded super weird saying this, and tried to turn it into a joke after those 30 minuted, but it made me feel really bad in the moment becsude I only wanted to do something nice for him. By the way, the pizza turned out great- my friend came over to eat with us and told us it was one of the best pizzas she’s ever had.
   
2. These next few are connected: The next day, he was at school, and I happened to not have school that day so I stayed at his house while he was there to rest because I had a really bad headache. Again, the past few days he told me how stressed he was about school, so I wanted to surprise him. I cleaned his room, made pizza sauce for pizza since we had extra dough (he really likes the pizza), and made him cookies because he told me he was craving them a few days before. He took an uber to school (he couldn’t drive yet at this point), and so I also offered to pick him up.
   

* The first thing that happened was he has a mildly confusing alarm system I had to disable before going outside to get to the car. If i didn’t do the steps correctly, the alarm would sound. Basically, I had to disable the alarm, go through the garage door and close it fully, press the button to open the garage, go back inside and press another button tot turn the alarm back on, and go out the garage door while it’s beeping and fully close the door again to stop the beeping. He told me these directions and I followed them, and the beeping continue to happen even after I closed the door. i texted him that I was walking out the garage but there was still beeping, he told me it was okay, but then the alarm went off. I think he thought that I didn’t close the garage door yet, which is why he thought it was okay? But apparently I didn’t wait for him to fully give him instructions (which I was genuinely confused about bc even looking back at the texts now he did), and he got extremely frustrated with me, telling me that because I didn’t properly follow directions, it was now going to call his parents. He kept saying that it was whatever, and that he’d just take an uber, but I apologized profusely and kept telling him that I’d do it right. He texted his mom, and apparently he told me to press the wrong button, and that i need to press a different one instead after going back in through the garage door. In the moment, he kept saying that the other button was still right and always works for him, but later he admitted that he was probably wrong about it. * The second thing that happened isn’t really a big deal, but i’ll still include it. My boyfriend also has anxiety, and is a very big backseat driver. However, backseat driving makes me extremely paranoid and be a worse driver, so it’s just a never ending cycle. I would be following the directions on the GPS, and he would keep telling me the directions as if I can’t see them myself. For example, if i’m about to turn right, he’d would keep repeating “turn right over here” a bunch of times, each one more with more urgency, as if it isn’t what I was already doing. He will pick apart everything I do, and tell me not to talk too much or turn the music up too loud because it would distract me. Again, to be fair, because of my ADHD, I do get distracted easily, even on the road, but it’s usually pretty manageable, and I’m able to talk on the phone/listen to music when driving when I’m by myself. The problem is with him, I get paranoid over what i’m doing, so I get distracted, and I guess that makes it seem like the music/talking is what’s distracting me. Again, when he backseat drives, he also gets extremely agitated/quiet, and he basically continued on like that for the next few hours. * Lastly, when we got home, he was irritated over everything I did. I did leave a bit later than I told him I would because of the things I was preparing (i think i left at 3:15 instead of 3), but I told him beforehand, and he told me to take my time and come anytime I wanted to since I was going out of my way to drive him(be told me this right when I offered to drive him and after I told him i’d be a bit late). When we got home, I told him about what i made and that I cleaned his room, but he got upset because I made the pizza sauce/cookies because he wanted us to do it together. I told him that I would’ve loved to make them together, but just wanted to surprise him because he told me he had a lot of work to do and told me he was craving cookies earlier. He said that he didn’t have as much work anymore, and told me that he thought I knew that because he told me the assignments he need to do (i did know that most of the deadlines were for that day and the day before, but he told me he had some deadlines for a few days after and had told me his whole week was busy, but I guess to him I should’ve know that most of his pressing work would’ve been done that day). He was upset with me again for another few hours, and I tried to tell him there were things we could still do together like assemble the pizza, make something the next day, etc, but he wasn’t having it. Eventually a few hours later he got over it and told me he appreciated that I made him those things, and he was disappointed that we couldn’t do it together, and then mentioned that he was grateful that I cleaned up for him (he didn’t mention it before). 

Several other things happened, but I think that’s enough to somewhat get the picture. The biggest thing that happened though was just a couple of weeks ago. We hadn’t seen each other in maybe 2-3 weeks, and so I was really excited to get to see him. He had an exam that day, so I offered to drive him, and he again said that he didn’t want to worry about making food. The day before he told me he was craving pizza, so yet again I said i’d make it before i came over (starting to think pizza and me driving is cursed). I asked him before if it was okay that I made him pizza, and he said yes, and so we agreed that I would get to his house around 2 (it was maybe 10 am at the time). I bought supplies and started making the pizza. after a while though, I guess he changed his mind about me making the pizza because it took a while. Around 1, I could tell he was getting annoyed. He kept saying that the pizza wasn’t important enough bc i could’ve been at his house already. I finished making the pizza and got to his house pretty early, maybe 5-10 minutes before 2. After that, I was still waiting in the car for another 30 minutes because he was still getting ready, and he got to my car around 2:30. He was still very upset and annoyed with me and gave me the silent treatment. I tried to keep the mood light, but again, he just didn’t say anything. When we were driving, I asked him if he wanted to play music, and what song I should play, but just… complete silence, not even a nod or head shake or anything. For the entire ride he was just on his phone, texting a few friends, and I started to silently cry because I felt so unappreciated. When we got to his campus, he went to a reserved room, but I had to stay in the car because i have a tutoring job that’s online, and had a session at the same time we parked. The person I was supposed to tutor wasn’t there for the session, which was lucky for me because right when my boyfriend left, I started sobbing. When I got out of the car I was still crying as I was walking across the street, and decided to call my friend to take my mind off of everything. Her girlfriend also went to the same college as my boyfriend, and I didn’t know exactly where I was supposed to go, so I called her to help me find where I needed to go. Since we were calling, I didn’t see some texts my boyfriend sent me, but I finally found the room. I was a bit cheered up from my friend but still sad, but wanted to act happy and normal in case he was just randomly in a bad mood and just needed a distraction. When I came in, I was happy to see him and made some jokes, but all he said was “why didn’t you text me” in the most monotone, upset voice. I told him that I was sorry and forgot, would do better next time, and was going to explain that I was on the phone so i didn’t see his texts, but he interrupted me and said something like “i don’t care about you telling me you’re going to do better, just actually do it” in the meanest, irritated tone. It doesn’t seem like a big deal at all, but he has never retorted at me like that before, especially in the way he did. That was my final straw, and I just completely broke down and started crying. He kept asking me to talk to him and tell me what I was thinking, which only made it worse because it was pretty clear as to why I was crying. He comforted me, apologized, and then had to leave for his exam. For the next 4 hours he was in his exam, I was just crying nonstop. When he came back, I was still crying, and he kept apologizing and asked if I was going to break up with him. I told him I wasn’t, and then told him that this happened so often and I felt like no matter what I did, there was something I was doing wrong, and that I felt unloveable. He again apologized a lot and told me he loved me, and later told me that he really wanted to change his medication and get therapy.
A few days later, a similar thing happened, but not to that extent. My boyfriend just got his license and offered to pick me up from one of my exams. I told him I wasn’t sure how long the exam would be, and didn’t want to let him know yet because it could’ve taken very long. I was right- it was supposed to be from 12-3, but I ended up starting later end ending around 6:30. I texted him after I finished, but he told me he wished I would’ve let him know earlier because he wasn’t comfortable driving in the dark yet, which is reasonable. He became very quiet and upset again though, and again, anytime I made conversation, he would shut it down and be really upset. I also told him that I had to move out of my dorm, and so he didn’t have to come if he didn’t want to because it would’ve been a lot of things to haul out. He said that it was okay and that he wanted to see me, and so he came over. When he did, he got upset again because we fooled around for an hour or two instead packing everything up (which he initiated), and then as we started pskcking, he became mean and frustrated again. He kept saying that he just didn’t expect to be moving me out, and that he just wanted to pick me up and go home, even though so told him before that that’s what was going to happen. After everything was packed up and we were in the car, he was still silent and upset but a bit less so. I felt really bad and became quiet, and he told me and i quote: “i’m feeling really anxious to drive this car at night, so can you just act normal”, which felt weird for him to say because I was only acting like that because of he as acting mean. I wanted to get home though because it was pretty late, so I just played some music and acted like my normal self, and that made me feel a bit better. When we got home, he apologized again, and thanked me for being patient with him, and that he’d be getting help soon.
After that, he did become a lot nicer to me. There were things I’ve said which I was sure he was going to get upset over, but he just didn’t at all. Usually, even after he’d apologize other times, he would still get a bit upset with me, but it’d only last a few minutes before he became normal again. This time, he wasn’t upset at all even for the things he’d most commonly get upset about (like me not hearing what he said for example). Hes been this way for around 2 weeks, and had not been getting upset at all, and he said he’s getting therapy soon.
The problem now is, especially because of the last two incidents, I still feel extremely anxious and paranoid when I’m with him. I am constantly on edge because I’m worried I’ll say the wrong thing when I’m with him, and it’ll be just like how it has been for the past almost one year.
Looking back at what i just wrote, these instances don’t really seem like that big of a deal, especially compared to how some other people are treated on this subreddit. I think what makes me upset is just how often it happens and how it completely messes up our entire day because he’s just upset the entire time. In the past 3-4 months, I don’t think we’ve ever had a call/hangout where he upset for at least 1-2 hours. I think another thing that really hurts me is that he just acts completely different around me vs anyone else. A lot of the times when I call him, he will get so upset and annoyed so quickly for menial things. He plays games for hours a day, so sometimes when we’re facetime and he wants to play with some friends, he’ll set his camera up so I can watch him play while i do other things, kind of like a youtube video. Whenever we’re on call and he’s upset, and then tells me he wants to play and sets his camera up, his mood instantly changes. His face literally brightens up, and he seems so much happier and talkative. I will sometimes hear his friends on the other end, and they will say/do the exact same things that he gets annoyed at me with, and it just is not a big deal at all, he doesn’t even seem to notice that it happened. Same with my friends- One day, we were planning a trip to the beach, and were supposed to leave around 12 PM. When he came home, he became upset and quiet with me again, and I kept asking him what was wrong and if we’re still going on our trip, but he just ignored me. Finally, at around 6 PM, he was normal again, and then took another hour and a half to get ready, so we ended up leaving at 7:30 PM. My friend was texting me at the same time, so I told my boyfriend to talk to her while I was driving. As we were driving (we were around 15 minutes away at this point), I realized I forgot my license. I asked him if I should turn around, he kept telling me he wasn’t sure, and he was just very upset and annoyed with me, even though judt before we left a whole 7 hours later because he was upset. We drove for an hour before he decided that I should drive back, and I kept apologizing for forgetting my license, and that we could try again tomorrow morning. His mom told us we could go to dinner or something to make up for the day, and I asked him if he wanted to do that, and he just said “why would we do that what would we even eat” in a harsh tone. Again, I tried to keep it light, telling him that I was sorry and we could start fresh tomorrow, and he said that he didn’t want to go to the beach anymore in an upset tone. Again, for half of the night after we came home, he was upset and irritated with me. Later that night, I looked back at. the texts between my friend and boyfriend, and I was in shock with just how different he was acting with me in real life vs how he was acting with her. As he was upset with me, he was texting her with updates, making jokes, and basically just making it seem like it wasn’t a big deal at all that I didn’t have my license. In real life, he acted like I was so stupid for forgetting it, and that it was the worst thing I could’ve possibly done.
I feel like most people who read this might just think he values his independence, and that aim too clingy. I too thought that maybe I just wasn’t giving him his space, especially because I’m his first girlfriend. I will not offer to call/come over as much just to see if I’m the one asking too often and he feels too bad to say no, but when I don’t, he will keep asking me to call him and come over, and ask why I haven’t been talking to him as much/initiates calls or hangouts. He’ll tell me to call more often and hang out with him more often as well. If we hang out, I’ll tell him that I’ll go home for the night and don’t plan on sleeping over, and he’ll keep asking me if I could sleep over or when I could sleep over, and continue to make plans.
Despite what I’ve said, my boyfriend is genuinely the most amazing guy anyone could ever meet. He’s sweet, kind, and thoughtful with genuinely everyone- his parents, my friends, his friends, his professors, everyone. He is an amazing tipper, he goes out of his way to do things for my friends, and anytime i mention the slightest thing he’ll go out of his way to do it for me. For example, in the first month we met, he noticed my backpack and headphones were completely broken, so he bought me a new ones without me saying absolutely anything to him. When I drove him places, he saw that it was difficult for me to look at my phone to follow GPS directions, so he randomly bought me a car phone holder. On my birthday, he made me a card out of the acknowledgement page of the first book we read together, crossed out the authors name, and put my name, and wrote a bunch of sweet, adorable things about me. Because of my adhd, I would constantly forget to chargemy phone/laptop or bring my chargers, and would constantly have no charge on both, so he bought me a pack with 10 of each type of charger, as well as a portable charger. I offhandedly mentioned that I get really carsick, so he bought me dramamine and those carsickness goggles. He bought pads to keep with him just in case I need some, and always carries pepto and advil around because i get headaches a lot and have lots of stomachaches. He helped me move into my dorm, and bought me so many food and supplies even when I insisted that he didn’t. Whenever we go out with my friends, he always covers everything. For my friend’s birthday, everyone was going to chip in to buy her airpods, but he told them he’d cover their part and essentially just bought them for her. He is an insanely hard worker, and I am so proud of him for everything that he’s been through, and he is also just the most fun person to be around. I love him so so much, and I know that a lot of the way he’s acted is because of his depression, and I know that that’s not really him. I visited him yesterday and we had a really good time, but the entire time I kept being really careful with what I said because I was scared of him becoming upset. I’m scared that this anxiety I feel around him will last forever. I want to wait until he has everything under control, but if he becomes the same way that he was before again, I don’t know how much of it I can take. I don’t know what to do or where to go from here- can anyone help me?

Some backstory before you bomb me with let it be that's not your business, cuz I'm really worried about her and she is such a nice person.
I'm not a very friendly person. I'm cold and have a very tough time making friends. Our school organized a trip to Paris before graduation and I thought I was going to be alone, like always, and didn't mind since one gets used to it.
I was shocked when one of my classmates ( let's call her Lee to make this easier) offer me to share room with her and one of her best friends ( let's call her Nancy, she is the main character of this story).
They have always been kind to me since I arrived to school lash year. Lee even invited me to her Quinceañera and even today I can't understand why they were all so welcoming and nice to me.
We weren't the closest of friend so I was really surprised. I later discovered that Lee turned down and offer from one of her friends to be with Nancy and with me. That's another story, so I won't go into detail about that.
When you share room with someone, even if it's for a week, you get to know them a lot.
I knew she had a bf because we where all in the same class last year. What I didn't know is that they broke up.
She told us the whole story when eating at McDonald's with another friend ( let's call him Dan). He's relevant to the story since he's friends with the friends of Nancy's ex. Nancy told us they broke up in good terms. After the break up some of his ex's friends ( let's call the ex Cole since keeping up with the ex bla bla bla Is getting tedious) told Nancy about his multiple affairs. They were at least 3 in the 8 months of the relationship. One at the FIRST WEEK. Another one when he went to visit his relatives in Rumania, and another one I don't remember when.
We talked a lot that night. A few days later Dan told us some nasty things Cole said at Nancy's back. For example, quote, You changed me for that fucking nasty *beaner*.
It's important to say Dan isn't friends with Cole, so he might have said that to hurt Nancy through Dan, idk.
My sister is also friends with a friend of Cole. I listen to the audios he sent her and we can sum them up by saying that "Nancy was a slut, trying to get someone between her legs". He also told my sister that Nancy ended the relationship because, quote again "she wanted to be with other men while Cole was away, since she didn't felt loved enough". He also told my sister that he was texting a lot of guys with very friendly messages, while Cole worked his ass of to give her the best, spending many money on her, like if she was an investment or something.
Let's say that, at the very end of the relationship, a guy started texting Nancy and there was mutual interest. Though she always turned down his offers and invitations for the relationship's sake.
It's also worth mentioning that after the break up, Cole was dating again after literally a week, showing off her girlfriend specially to Nancy.
Nancy hasn't been in any dates since. She kept on talking with this guy though, but it wasjust texting, nothing more.
Now, fast forward to today, they're posting stories together holding hands and kissing ( Cole and Nancy). I haven't asked Nancy or Lee about it ñ, but it seems very, very sus to me.
I'll ask my twin, Queen of the gossip, if this is real or just bait.
I haven't talked with Nancy a lot since the trip, more than the usual hi wassup. I'm really looking forward to keep my friendship with them since they're really good people.
I really want to help her since I found what he said and what he did to her almost unforgivable for a boyfriend.
Idk of someone here has been to something similar to help me to help her. Thanks of you read through the whole post and look forward to your comments.

Some backstory before you bomb me with let it be that's not your business, cuz I'm really worried about her and she is such a nice person.
I'm not a very friendly person. I'm cold and have a very tough time making friends. Our school organized a trip to Paris before graduation and I thought I was going to be alone, like always, and didn't mind since one gets used to it.
I was shocked when one of my classmates ( let's call her Lee to make this easier) offer me to share room with her and one of her best friends ( let's call her Nancy, she is the main character of this story).
They have always been kind to me since I arrived to school lash year. Lee even invited me to her Quinceañera and even today I can't understand why they were all so welcoming and nice to me.
We weren't the closest of friend so I was really surprised. I later discovered that Lee turned down and offer from one of her friends to be with Nancy and with me. That's another story, so I won't go into detail about that.
When you share room with someone, even if it's for a week, you get to know them a lot.
I knew she had a bf because we where all in the same class last year. What I didn't know is that they broke up.
She told us the whole story when eating at McDonald's with another friend ( let's call him Dan). He's relevant to the story since he's friends with the friends of Nancy's ex. Nancy told us they broke up in good terms. After the break up some of his ex's friends ( let's call the ex Cole since keeping up with the ex bla bla bla Is getting tedious) told Nancy about his multiple affairs. They were at least 3 in the 8 months of the relationship. One at the FIRST WEEK. Another one when he went to visit his relatives in Rumania, and another one I don't remember when.
We talked a lot that night. A few days later Dan told us some nasty things Cole said at Nancy's back. For example, quote, You changed me for that fucking nasty *beaner*.
It's important to say Dan isn't friends with Cole, so he might have said that to hurt Nancy through Dan, idk.
My sister is also friends with a friend of Cole. I listen to the audios he sent her and we can sum them up by saying that "Nancy was a slut, trying to get someone between her legs". He also told my sister that Nancy ended the relationship because, quote again "she wanted to be with other men while Cole was away, since she didn't felt loved enough". He also told my sister that he was texting a lot of guys with very friendly messages, while Cole worked his ass of to give her the best, spending many money on her, like if she was an investment or something.
Let's say that, at the very end of the relationship, a guy started texting Nancy and there was mutual interest. Though she always turned down his offers and invitations for the relationship's sake.
It's also worth mentioning that after the break up, Cole was dating again after literally a week, showing off her girlfriend specially to Nancy.
Nancy hasn't been in any dates since. She kept on talking with this guy though, but it wasjust texting, nothing more.
Now, fast forward to today, they're posting stories together holding hands and kissing ( Cole and Nancy). I haven't asked Nancy or Lee about it ñ, but it seems very, very sus to me.
I'll ask my twin, Queen of the gossip, if this is real or just bait.
I haven't talked with Nancy a lot since the trip, more than the usual hi wassup. I'm really looking forward to keep my friendship with them since they're really good people.
I really want to help her since I found what he said and what he did to her almost unforgivable for a boyfriend.
Idk of someone here has been to something similar to help me to help her. Thanks of you read through the whole post and look forward to your comments.

[19F] Navigating a relationship since I was just 14 and he was 18, meeting online, and then finally getting to hang out in person was like a dream come true. We shared everything, from silly inside jokes to deeper fears and anxieties. But my constant battle with anxiety and panic attacks was always lurking in the background, casting a shadow over our otherwise happy moments
When a stressful family event hit, I felt like I was drowning. I couldn't handle the pressure, and I resorted to self-harm. It was a dark and scary time, but I knew I had to reach out for help. Confiding in my mom was the first step, and before I knew it, I found myself in a mental hospital, with my boyfriend by my side, holding my hand and telling me how proud he was of me for being brave enough to seek help
But the road to recovery wasn't smooth sailing. The medication they gave me at the hospital made things worse before they got better. My panic attacks became even more intense, and I felt like I was losing control. I turned to my boyfriend for support, pouring my heart out to him about how tired I was of fighting and how I just wanted the pain to end. And then, out of nowhere, he dropped the bombshell..he was breaking up with me... (also before my birthday)
I felt like the ground had been pulled out from under me. The one person I thought would always be there for me had turned his back on me when I needed him the most. And to make matters worse, his mom, who had always been so sweet to me, suddenly cut me off completely. It felt like I was losing everyone I cared about, and it sent my panic attacks into overdrive
In the midst of all this chaos, I turned to therapy and medication for some semblance of stability. And slowly, ever so slowly, things started to improve. But despite the progress I was making, I couldn't shake the feeling of longing for my ex-boyfriend. I wanted to show him that I had changed, that I was getting better, but every attempt I made to reach out to him was met with silence or rejection. Started telling me how he doesn't think about me anymore and even if we would get back together he might loose one of his best friend ... And he also called me a narcissist.. :(
I'm trying to push forward but it's getting harder and harder... I'm sorry for doing the stuff I've done and I'm sorry for being like this ... I'm really trying to get better ... I still love him A LOT and I'm sorry for being impulse and trying to send him messages now even though he doesn't wanna hear from me anymore...I miss him .... I haven't ate in 4 days and I find myself going to sleep with anxiety and waking up with anxiety.
Please tell me what can I do now...??

Me ( 20F ) and my boyfriend (22M) got ready to go camping to relax and just take our minds off stress and daily routine, my stepfather (45) was alone at home as my mother is in the hospital. We didn't want to leave him alone so we took him to come along with us to relax, everything was amazing, we cooked food, sang, went swimming and then my sister ( 27) joined us with her soon to be husband. Before everything happened, I talked with my stepfather about credits and so about my dream to have camera for taking pictures also have driver licence that I was ready to get once I earn more money. My stepfather has some drinking problems, when he starts, he doesn't know when to finish, so continuously he got slightly dizzy from alcohol meanwhile nobody else drank, fast forward time, he went somewhere and came back with 400 euros first, I won't lie, it took me by surprise and I didn't knew how to act, I didn't want to take money from him as I know how hard it is to earn it, but he insisted, so I did. Fast forward more time, he gave me 200 euros more, I didn't accept those but he threw them on the ground so I picked em up from the ground. Next day, I called my mom to discuss the issue and have her opinion and telling that I wanna give the money back, she otherwise told me to keep the money ( it's a lot of money and genuinely it would help me a lot, but I was also feeling bad about it) so with some reassurance from her, I accepted it. Next thing I know my sister is texting me about it and telling me how disgusting I acted for taking them and how I'm using them for money and I want everything to put on a plate for me.( some history, she used to take money from him, get him drunk on purpose and then talk about it, in the end, she'd get money from him) I've never had a thought about using him, nor my mom, I earn my own money, I never even ask them for money. I feel like shit, because she tried moralizing to me about the incident, and her with my other sister with their so talked about this behind my back. I was planning to give money back to my mom today anyways, but am I the AH?

Hi queen petty potato :), names used are fake. I am dyslexic so I apologise in advance.
I 26(female) and friend Lola 28(female) met because of a mutual Friend Kat 27(female) who I was in the sixth form college classes with at age 17, me and kat got pretty close but she was 18 so she could go out to clubs and bars on the weekend to which I could not yet.
I met Lola a few weeks after my 18th birthday as her birthday was pretty close to mine, Kat asked me if I wanted to go to Lola's birthday party, On first meeting Lola she was kind of cold didn't seem to interested in getting to know me, fast forward a few weeks and me and kat were going out a lot and Lola seem to warmed up to me, Kat did let me know Lola can take time to warm up to people But she did and everything seemed completely fine with us.
Now here's where I should of clocked why she is like this kat and Lola would tell me stories of them in secondary school that they were always falling out or there group of friends changed quite often due to people falling out with Lola, it was all because of boys Lola loved them and basically always wanted to be the centre of attention when boys were around, I had a boyfriend at the time so she basically didn't feel I was as a threat to her as the others (her words not mine).
Well I broke up with said boyfriend as we grow a part, the break up was a little hard as it was my first relationship but kat and Lola were really there for me, I did start to notice Lola would get snappy with me for what I would wear out at party's or clubs but I put it down to this guy Matt who was messing her about a bit and we would see him and his friends all the time, I did get attention from Matt's friends but I liked his friend Joe not Matt as he seemed like a bit of dickhead because how he would treat Lola.
Lola didn't like any of my other friends whom I had known longer as they were friends from my primary school or any new girls she would we meet and would get mad and start arguments with me and Kat when we were hanging out with other people, she got pregnant and would always complain we were always going out when she couldn't, and basically would call us bad friends and unknow calls us and anyone we were with stay silent on the phone to see if we were out as we would lie sometimes because we did want the arguments, she could be pretty selfish as I was not really local to her and would travel to her and she would make no effort to do the same.
This went on for years until I basically said to Lola I don't want to be to be friends it's exhausting and I'm to old going over the same argument, here is where I might be an asshole at this point no one was talking to her not even Kat, so basically I know she has no one at this point other then the latest guy in her life. she calls me and texts me daily saying I'm throwing 8 year friendship away.
Am I the asshole here or could I be more understanding of her feelings.

I don't know who to ask advice of this so I thought reddit would be the best place. I 23 F Have been dating my 22 M boyfriend for a little over 2 years and today we had an argument. Usually I don't mind them and understand they are going to happen but today's was too much for me. For context I am currently unemployed with my boyfriend earning the household funds, because of this amongst other reasons I help him in the mornings. I get out of bed before him, lay out his clothes aswell as products he'll need then make breakfast and coffee and you guessed it, turn the geyser on. Last night I took a late bath and usually ask him if he'd like it on so he can shower afterwards, last night I didn't since it was late and I only took a bath since I was in pain. Fast forward to this morning. I half wake up seeing him dressed and annoyed. A little more context, he sometimes works on Sunday and in return wakes up later so he wants to do it himself. Anyway, as I wake up I see he's annoyed so out of instinct and care I asked if he was alright and if he was annoyed about something. He proceeded to tell me that I left the geyser off the one time he didn't tell me to and that he had a bad shower. Bare in mind I did ask why he was annoyed but I wasn't expecting that answer. After a few minutes I said I was sorry in which he proceeded to explain further that it annoyed him. Later after having time to think I confronted him and said that this was my first affence in this matter and asked why he got this mad at me because I couldn't grasp it. He continue with saying why does he need to ask, I should just do it which I proceeded to answer with that I ask him out of curtasy but forgot once. In this house my boyfriend and I share I felt bad leaving the geyser on since it just takes more money so I guess I instinctively didn't and didn't even have hot water myself. The arguements continued and he stormed off, but not before making a final statement. I respond with, you can't just walk away with him yelling I just did. Got in the kitchen where he was 5 seconds later and went to the fridge. I was hungry and acknowledged that I will not be treated with respect so what's the point of the conversation. He proceeded to ask questions like nothings wrong and I responded with the fact that I will not be speaking to someone who has no respect for me and storms off like a child. He proceeded to get offended and yelling at me. I told him I will not be yelled at like a dog, if he does not show me the same respect I show him I will not have this conversation. During which, he wanted to interrupt countless times which I did not allow in a span of 30 seconds. Than he stated that he is angry he is going to yell which I then stated again then I won't have this conversation. He trodded after me slamming the door open and yelling at me saying he is going to say this in which I said I do not want to have this conversation please respect that. He did not. He continued to yell in which a bit childish I know but I blocked my ears and kept repeating I do not want to talk please respect that and leave me alone while I could see his mouth moving and yelling. He then stormed off in a huff and continued to make snippy comments as he left. I was very supprised at how sound I handled they argument, stating my boundaries was kinda freeing. Worst part is he uses work as a reason not to handle the situation better because he will be late so whenever we have arguments he states that he does not have time for this so our arguments go unresolved. After the fight I walked out saying I do not want to talk to a man that has zero respect for me or time. After cooling down I think I should've just accepted the complaints and move on, I don't know what to do and honestly I am tired of it all, I love him so should I apologize or do something? AITAH?

My previous post was about how we had trouble with communication and then how i broke his trust for the second time (i didn't cheat or anything). I texted my ex last year standing up for my relationship and shared with my boyfriend later on. And the second time my boyfriend sent a text mending things because he had been distant since he is living alone and his cat died, i was really happy that things were better with us and i wanted to share that with my best friend who had always been really critical of him. I was going to his text to my friend but then accidentally forwarded it to him. After then he felt heavily betrayed cuz this was the time. I feel so guilty. I miss him terribly. Our relationship was so healthy and amazing. I didn't mean to break his trust. But i did. Because of my insecurities. Who cares if someone is critical of him or us. It's been a week since we broke up. 3 of my kittens died in front of me this week. I feel so hopeless and defeated. And guilty. That is lost the one person who cares about me. That is couldn't save my kittens. I buried them with my hands. My friend has been really supportive through this time. But it feels so heart shattering knowing i was the one who ruined my relationship and hurt my boyfriend. He is my everything. I really wish and hope and pray everyday he is able to trust me again. I understand that he cannot. But i really pray he does. Me sending that message to my friend was an impulsive decision and i never meant to hurt him or humiliate him in any way. Idk life feels so helpless without him.

Hey guys. My mom has always been really unwell mentally but It's getting to a point where I feel like I need to start making a plan for her.
I grew up with drug-addicted parents but my mom was the one who stuck it out and stayed with me. She no longer does drugs ( She was mostly just drugged by my dad, But occasionally she did meth herself so she could stay up later and work longer hours) but shes a hoarder. It's weird to say but she "hoarded me" too. She didn't tell any of my family members that we didn't have hot water or access to heating or food for years. CPS came to my house and my aunt took me in when she found out when i turned 14. She gets very angry when I bring it up, even just the hoarding or advice about curbing her spending. She always has. My mom has been evicted at least 4 times, I lost count. She never showered regularly or brushed her teeth regularly or took care of herself regularly at all. It's gotten to the point where her health is so bad that she can no longer hold in her urine very well. She now constantly smells like urine, and leaks urine in her daipers everywhere she sits.
The worst part is that she's a nurse. She takes people's blood on a regular basis. She is completely functional at her job. But when it comes to being around me in person, she almost sounds psychotic. She points out parts of my body that she thinks are cute and funny because they've "developed" so i look "grown". Im 29 years old. She keeps trying to sleep in my bed whenever I visit because she wants to cuddle with me. I'm having to explain with her that i have boundaries that are healthy but she just doesn't understand and she doesn't really care. She just sits and watches TV and pees on herself.
I moved across the country and have lived across the country for about 2 years. She often sounds intelligent over the phone, but when I visit she acts like a sad little puppy. Her car is filled completely to the brim with her hoard. Even walking up the stairs makes her so tired that she makes a big deal out of it. She wants pity really badly from me and whenever I visit I have to pay for everything. She gives me a lot of bullshit reasons why she doesn't have money, but she works more than 40 hours a week. Her rent is only $400 because she lives in a spare room that her friend has. I tell her this doesn't add up and she just gets angry with me and starts talking about how she keeps pissing herself and passing out at her job from period blood loss because her health is deteriorating. The doctor's really struggle to diagnose her because she didn't have a papsmear in over 30 years. (Which I don't believe but they have no idea how to prove it or disprove it)
The thing is my mom is mentally unwell but she does a lot of this to herself, And she acts like she has no idea so I have no idea if she's playing a martyr or if she's actually unwell. My boyfriend says that I have to just let her be her, she acts so sad and pathetic around me, it guilt trips me so badly. And it sucks because my mom is so friendly to everyone so people love her. She even tells me things like " Your number one you can do anything! You're such an amazing person you're better than anyone else in the world!!" At first I used to love the attention but I realized later I think her entire interactions with me are starting to verge on love bombing. And when I'm physically around her she sees me as a source of pity and attention. But she's also peeing on herself now and her health is deteriorating so bad that she can barely climb stairs or walk far distances. Shes only 58. Yet she drinks multiple bottles of Mountain Dew daily. Her mother was severely depressed, wasted away on the couch for years, and died from an anurism at 62.
When do you step in? This is going to sound incredibly harsh but... do your parents have to earn that help? My mom has been mentally ill my entire life so I have no idea what she's supposed to act like. I've never had a normal parent, I don't know where to start I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I already told myself that I would never take care of my father but I have no idea what to do with my mother. She's convinced all my family members to pity her but they would never lend her money. She's just acts so pathetic that people feel sorry for her and I don't really know what to do because she's way stronger and better than that. Every time I tried to talk to her about her retirement she just brings up my dad and how he ruined her life, It's almost like she just doesn't want to move forward and only wants to lean on me. She hypnotized by the television too, Even as a child I noticed that my mom would miss appointments and completely destroy vacations ( There rare ones that we were able to have) by getting stuck just watching tv.
Please help me figure out what I am supposed to do with her. I have to remind her to change her diaper so she doesn't smell like piss when I visit. When I visit her it feels like I'm dealing with a toddler... Do you think her brain is deteriorating? How the hell is she still able to do her job?? This doesn't add up and I feel gas lit I don't know how to feel I don't know what to do....

Hey guys. My mom has always been really unwell mentally but It's getting to a point where I feel like I need to start making a plan for her.
I grew up with drug-addicted parents but my mom was the one who stuck it out and stayed with me. She no longer does drugs ( She was mostly just drugged by my dad, But occasionally she did meth herself so she could stay up later and work longer hours) but shes a hoarder. It's weird to say but she "hoarded me" too. She didn't tell any of my family members that we didn't have hot water or access to heating or food for years. CPS came to my house and my aunt took me in when she found out when i turned 14. She gets very angry when I bring it up, even just the hoarding or advice about curbing her spending. She always has. My mom has been evicted at least 4 times, I lost count. She never showered regularly or brushed her teeth regularly or took care of herself regularly at all. It's gotten to the point where her health is so bad that she can no longer hold in her urine very well. She now constantly smells like urine, and leaks urine in her daipers everywhere she sits.
The worst part is that she's a nurse. She takes people's blood on a regular basis. She is completely functional at her job. But when it comes to being around me in person, she almost sounds psychotic. She points out parts of my body that she thinks are cute and funny because they've "developed" so i look "grown". Im 29 years old. She keeps trying to sleep in my bed whenever I visit because she wants to cuddle with me. I'm having to explain with her that i have boundaries that are healthy but she just doesn't understand and she doesn't really care. She just sits and watches TV and pees on herself.
I moved across the country and have lived across the country for about 2 years. She often sounds intelligent over the phone, but when I visit she acts like a sad little puppy. Her car is filled completely to the brim with her hoard. Even walking up the stairs makes her so tired that she makes a big deal out of it. She wants pity really badly from me and whenever I visit I have to pay for everything. She gives me a lot of bullshit reasons why she doesn't have money, but she works more than 40 hours a week. Her rent is only $400 because she lives in a spare room that her friend has. I tell her this doesn't add up and she just gets angry with me and starts talking about how she keeps pissing herself and passing out at her job from period blood loss because her health is deteriorating. The doctor's really struggle to diagnose her because she didn't have a papsmear in over 30 years. (Which I don't believe but they have no idea how to prove it or disprove it)
The thing is my mom is mentally unwell but she does a lot of this to herself, And she acts like she has no idea so I have no idea if she's playing a martyr or if she's actually unwell. My boyfriend says that I have to just let her be her, she acts so sad and pathetic around me, it guilt trips me so badly. And it sucks because my mom is so friendly to everyone so people love her. She even tells me things like " Your number one you can do anything! You're such an amazing person you're better than anyone else in the world!!" At first I used to love the attention but I realized later I think her entire interactions with me are starting to verge on love bombing. And when I'm physically around her she sees me as a source of pity and attention. But she's also peeing on herself now and her health is deteriorating so bad that she can barely climb stairs or walk far distances. Shes only 58. Yet she drinks multiple bottles of Mountain Dew daily. Her mother was severely depressed, wasted away on the couch for years, and died from an anurism at 62.
When do you step in? This is going to sound incredibly harsh but... do your parents have to earn that help? My mom has been mentally ill my entire life so I have no idea what she's supposed to act like. I've never had a normal parent, I don't know where to start I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I already told myself that I would never take care of my father but I have no idea what to do with my mother. She's convinced all my family members to pity her but they would never lend her money. She's just acts so pathetic that people feel sorry for her and I don't really know what to do because she's way stronger and better than that. Every time I tried to talk to her about her retirement she just brings up my dad and how he ruined her life, It's almost like she just doesn't want to move forward and only wants to lean on me. She hypnotized by the television too, Even as a child I noticed that my mom would miss appointments and completely destroy vacations ( There rare ones that we were able to have) by getting stuck just watching tv.
Please help me figure out what I am supposed to do with her. I have to remind her to change her diaper so she doesn't smell like piss when I visit. When I visit her it feels like I'm dealing with a toddler... Do you think her brain is deteriorating? How the hell is she still able to do her job?? This doesn't add up and I feel gas lit I don't know how to feel I don't know what to do....

TLDR: My boyfriend is not sure I’m the one and he feels like he is wasting my time.
I met Mark (33M) three years ago, we met on a dating app and spontaneously went on a 10-day trip together as our second date. We meshed perfectly on the trip and I felt like I could see us working in regular life the same way. Over the next six months, we were in different cities and would speak daily and travel for a week together each month. There was never any major spark or excitement about each other, it just seemed to ‘work’.
We both moved back to the city where we met (already planned on both sides) and started dating seriously. All was well for a while, it was so easy to integrate into each other’s lives and it felt super comfortable.
My boyfriend and I are from extremely different cultures (I am southern American and he is Mediterranean), and we have had constant conflict and compromise to make life work together. It’s hard to give a representative example because it is so constant but I’ll give a few - family is obviously very important to him and he spends months per year visiting them, he also bought his mom a house without telling me even though we are saving for a house together. I love his family but they don’t speak English and I just don’t have the same dynamic to understand. They also play what I would consider an overbearing role in our relationship and I don’t know how that would work when we have children or when they get old. A totally different example is that he has terrible road rage and often yells and gets extremely angry. I find this level of anger so abnormal and it scares me to the extent that I cry sometimes. He says that loudness and yelling are normal and I do see that with his friends and family.
Those examples paint him in a negative light but I have definitely not been an angel. I expect a level of closeness and “adult-ness” that is abnormal to him. I think we’re too old to be going out all the time or to music festival type events. I also constantly ask him to shorten his trips home and to visit friends. We had a huge conflict about a bachelor party because I hate the idea and think it’s totally disrespectful to relationships. I come from a very conservative community, I remember that my father once went on a 2-night business trip and we stayed at the neighbors house because my mom was scared to be alone. My father literally never went out.
We clearly both have some shit to work on personally (and I am in therapy) but I feel like we have finally been in a good place for the past 6-12 months and I am fine to live with the compromises that I’ve made and unnatural feelings that often arise.
He was quiet and distant this week, he told me yesterday that he realized he has never felt happy in this relationship. Even with the progress I’ve made in therapy to be more chill with separation, he is still resentful toward me. He thinks that his uncertainty throughout this relationship has led to me never feeling secure and exasperating our problems. I agree with this.
He hasn’t specifically said he wants to break up but I don’t know how there could be a path forward? It feels SO scary to leave what we have together - we live in the Middle East and I met him on my first weekend here. He’s literally my whole life here and we have such a comfortable day-to-day. Everything makes sense on paper, we are both successful, ambitious, adventurous, and enjoy the same hobbies. Am I really going to find someone at this point (and in this place) that is more similar to me? And who feels that spark long-term? Does anyone feel that long-term?
TLDR: Major cultural differences led to resentment and my boyfriend thinks I deserve someone who is more sure.

A few years ago during that time when I was in high school, me and my ex friend went to different schools, I wanted to go to the same school as her but I couldn't since it was too far.
I told her that I couldn't go to the same school but she told me she was glad I didn't go to the same place as her because if I did, me and her wouldn't be friends at all.
You know the reason why she said that? She said if I went there, other people would take me away from her and that she would hate me which I found that stupid. Fast forward a few years later I had a boyfriend during college (he's now an ex) When I went out to town with my family, she called to me crying (while I was in a resturant) because apparently I've been ghosting her and ignoring her saying I've been too busy to even talk.
During this time I was struggling with my mental health, my relationship and college, She would start arguments with me saying I don't have time for her, not texting back saying I'm drifting away from her. Not to mention she wrote a poem about me(I have the poem on my phone) , I didn't know what to say and she asked you're not mad I wrote a poem about you? You won't sue me right?
And I was like it's fine but in my head it wasn't fine. She would make it about herself, I listened to her constantly complaining and she would trauma dump the past. She brought up the fact I didn't turn up to choir practice while I was getting bullied.
She blamed me for that not the girl who bullied me, not to mention she and the bully were friends on Facebook, the girl who bullied me would talk trash about me to her and she would tell me the horrible things the bully said about me, I was so hurt and betrayed yet I still kept her as a friend.
2 years go by and this was before Covid hit, the day she arrived I took her to my dance practice so she could watch before my day. She complained saying that she's tired, didn't take her meds, telling me she wasted her money to come visit me. I was embarrassed when she was having a tantrum infront of everyone that I had to take her somewhere else.
It felt like a burning iron everytime she complained I was flustered and I felt tired just by listening to her. On the evening the day before my birthday party, there was no food at the house since my mother was busy preparing for my debut. She hasnt eaten food or taken her meds but blamed me again, so we both had to walk to mcdonalds in the evening around 8pm just for her to eat.
The day of my birthday party, everything was going well, I introduced her to my college friends and others but after the party we went back to our rooms getting ready for bed, she asked me why didn't you introduce me to those boys? Why didn't you spend time with me? I didn't know what to say anymore because I was tired genuinely that we didn't talk until morning.
Then after a few days I haven't heard from her, She was talking to one of my guy friends but the thing is she would only talk to me if she had problems with him and would come crying in call and texting me about it. I have been reassuring her every time she had problems with my guy friend and it was tiring, he even mentioned to me she was controlling and bossy and he was right .
I never complained about anything between me and her but she wanted to make problems that I didn't talk to her or wasn't talking to her enough, I gave her space and I gave myself space but she still complained why I didn't message her but I did several times but in other days I wouldn't talk to her because I was scared.
I never talked about my mental problems and my trauma with my SA past to her because she'll make me feel worse and trauma dump and mention the past about me leaving her repeatedly when I was bullied by the same girl she was friends with.
I wanted to cut ties with her but I was afraid that she will get mad at me because she had issues with her behaviour for always getting angry and shouting at me when we get into an argument in call and would blame me.
But I was genuinely afraid at the same time losing my only friend because I had no one else to talk to. After a month or two I was messaging her and she brought up the vaccine topic, during that time she was a student nurse and I didn't really want to talk about it but she insisted telling me I should take the vaccine. If I didn't take it apparently I would affect her "family, friends and patients" but what about me? What am I to her? Me and her live in different cities 1 hr away from each other, so how can I affect them if I live so far away? That doesn't make sense.
She told me If I didn't take it she told me people would think I'm a dirty pest and a scumbag.
I was so done, honestly so done after she posted our private conversation on her private story but apparently she deleted it afterwards just for me to see? Not sure if I believe that. I blocked her on every social media and after that I felt better, the heavy burden I held for so long was gone. I was happier without her.
I never even got birthday gifts from her even when I gave hers every year so I stopped gifting her. I wasted 9 years of friendship and stopped trusting people after that.

My boyfriend (21M) and me (20F) both work at the same restaurant. We are both servers and my bf also bartends. He has not bartended for a long time like some of the others, who have more experience. He mainly bartends on Sunday nights, which are usually chaotic. No one likes bartending on Sundays because of how shitty it is. Well my bf had bartended last Sunday on Mother’s Day and it was absolutely terrible. He had pages of just milkshakes and alcoholic beverages. They had to shut down our bar area because it got too much for him. I know that I am not allowed to make alcohol beverages or be behind a bar, but I had went back there to make apple juices and chocolate milks to get them out of the way for him. Yes I know I was in the wrong for this, but no one was helping him at all. Essentially we were there an extra two hours after close just cleaning and making sure everything looks good, manager had even checked us off.
Fast forward a bit, there is a girl bartender (25F), let’s call her Carla, who has worked there for a long time. We had discussed how terrible Sundays are and how Mother’s Day was awful. She then proceeded to tell me how I can get them shut down for being behind the bar and that she was happy the shift was so shitty. Now I know I shouldn’t have been behind the bar, that’s my fault, but wtf??! She then starts saying how my bf is an awful bartender who leaves it super messy back there and is too slow. She was happy that he had a terrible shift because she had talked to managers about how he doesn’t need to be a bartender, that he was lazy and not good enough. It pissed me off, but I sat there and said nothing about how great he was. All I had managed to say was “oh well he tried his best and it was super busy.” And just collectively “agreed” with her because I didn’t want to be confrontational. I will ALWAYS defend my boyfriend against anyone no matter what, but she left me stunned about what she said. I told my boyfriend and he isn’t phased nor cares and isn’t upset with me, but I feel guilty about the situation because I should have defended him way more.
What should I do or say to him?

So long ago, back in high school, I was a captain in this ethics bowl club. We’d debate by taking a position and justifying it with an ethical theory, always opposing the team’s view.
For example:
Imagine you’re Samantha. Your best friend, Julie, is caring for her terminally ill mother. During this tough time, you discover Julie’s boyfriend, Mike, has cheated. What do you do? Do you tell Julie amidst her current suffering, wait for a better time, or urge Mike to confess? Now consider Julie’s past struggles with depression and a recent message from her sensing something’s off with Mike. Different ethical theories might suggest varying actions.

1. Utilitarian Approach: Perhaps you decide to wait, considering it might minimize overall harm to Julie during this sensitive period. 2. Deontological Ethics: You might feel compelled to tell Julie immediately, believing in the moral imperative to be honest, regardless of the consequences. 

This was a simplified example, but our discussions ranged from technology and biotech ethics to societal issues. I know it may sound boring, but I truly had a lot fun in these discussions, learned a ton about the world, and I believe they were foundational in developing my critical thinking skills. All in all, I decided to to create a space dedicated to this exploration.
I’m calling it the Critical Thinkers Hub, a community focused on ethical debate and sharpening our critical thinking. I’m making it free initially to refine our approach and gather valuable feedback. If this intrigues you, I’d love for you to join us or share your thoughts below!
Join the Critical Thinkers Hub here!
Looking forward to your feedback and hoping to see many of you in the Hub!

So long ago, back in high school, I was a captain in this ethics bowl club. We’d debate by taking a position and justifying it with an ethical theory, always opposing the team’s view.
For example:
Imagine you’re Samantha. Your best friend, Julie, is caring for her terminally ill mother. During this tough time, you discover Julie’s boyfriend, Mike, has cheated. What do you do? Do you tell Julie amidst her current suffering, wait for a better time, or urge Mike to confess? Now consider Julie’s past struggles with depression and a recent message from her sensing something’s off with Mike. Different ethical theories might suggest varying actions.

1. Utilitarian Approach: Perhaps you decide to wait, considering it might minimize overall harm to Julie during this sensitive period. 2. Deontological Ethics: You might feel compelled to tell Julie immediately, believing in the moral imperative to be honest, regardless of the consequences. 

This was a simplified example, but our discussions ranged from technology and biotech ethics to societal issues. I know it may sound boring, but I truly had a lot fun in these discussions, learned a ton about the world, and I believe they were foundational in developing my critical thinking skills. All in all, I decided to to create a space dedicated to this exploration.
I’m calling it the Critical Thinkers Hub, a community focused on ethical debate and sharpening our critical thinking. I’m making it free initially to refine our approach and gather valuable feedback. If this intrigues you, I’d love for you to join us or share your thoughts below!
Join the Critical Thinkers Hub here!
Looking forward to your feedback and hoping to see many of you in the Hub!

Obligatory throwaway account as my main user is known by friend mentioned.
I (20F) was invited to a vacation back in December by my friend (21F) to Disneyland. My friend, let’s call her Mary, invited me to this trip back in February of last year. We have known each other for over 8 years and this seemed like a no brainer to me to say yes. This trip comprised of six people: Mary, Mary’s sister Lucy (19F), Mary’s Mom, Mom’s boyfriend, boyfriend’s son, and myself.
For context, Mary and Lucy’s dad passed a few years back and mom got a new boyfriend pretty soon after. The sisters were not happy with this as boyfriend and son moved into their house. Because of this, we were separated into groups to do our own things, me & the sisters and then mom, boyfriend, & son. We were pretty happy with this arrangement as it allowed us to be independent and go at our own pace.
For this trip, the mom got a resort for all of us to stay at. As I was invited, I did not pay for my accommodation, only for my own traveling and food. We stayed for a whole week and had some rest days in between parks (important later on)
Fast forward and it is our first day at Disneyland. We get up early and go to the first park and start going on rides. Everything seems fine so far but then Mary chimes in that Lucy and I start walking too fast to get around. I tell her that I’m used to walking fast from past vacations so she can just yell at me to slow down and I will. Through the day she does tell me to slow down and I do! First day ends and the next day is a rest day.
I have never been on a vacation before with rest days and I am used to constantly doing something every day. I suggest to Mary and Lucy about going on universal for one of our rest days and they both say no thanks. I start planning on going by myself until I remember I have an online friend online that I would love to meet up with at the park. We then set plans to meet on the Fourth Day. I did try my hardest to convince both Mary and Lucy to come with me to universal but they were pretty stubborn in not going.
Third Day comes around and everything goes to shit. We get there pretty early because we wanted to get in line for a really popular ride. As we are scanning our cards to get in the park, Mary’s card is not scanning correctly. I look back towards Lucy who motions me to run ahead and grab us a place in line. I get in line and message in our group chat where I’m at. Now this is where I admit I messed up. Lucy messages that Mary doesn’t feel comfortable cutting ahead in line and I get a bit angry. I tell them I’m not moving from my place in line and they need to come up where I’m at. Lucy then says that Mary doesn’t feel good and they leave the line., telling me to go ahead
At this point my mind is just like WTF?! I leave the line and catch up to them but Mary walks away as soon as I get close. Lucy tells me that Mary is really angry and doesn’t want to talk right now. We both decide to let her cool off and talk about it later. Well the rest of the day goes by and we don’t see her again. I wasn’t in contact with Mary for the rest of the day but Lucy, throughout the day, tries to get her to come back. We find out later that Mary joined the other group for the day and went on the rest of the rides with them.
The fourth day comes around and I go out to see my friend at universal. When I go back to the resort, Lucy informs me that she had to sleep on the floor last night because Mary refused to share a bed with her. Lucy then shares a a bed with me for the rest of the trip and we decide to keep doing our thing until everyone cools off.
The fifth and sixth day come and pass, with me and Lucy by ourselves exploring the other parks. The seventh day comes and it is time to fly back home. We go to the airport together as a group but Lucy and I sit away from them on the plane as there is no assigned seating. I get picked up from the airport and trip is over.
It’s super close to Christmas so I don’t talk to Mary or Lucy. It isn’t until after the new year where me and Mary exchange conversations. From my perspective, I thought this was just something minor that would eventually look back upon and laugh but I was so wrong. I drop by Mary’s house to pay back some of the vacation money I owed her and we are chatting it up like nothing. Everything seems fine to me! A few weeks pass and our new school semester begins. I invite her out a few times but she claims school is giving her no time for breaks with fair enough. I stop reaching out as I also got busy then out of nowhere I get a message from Mary saying she wants to cut contact and considers our friendship over. Let me tell you I was devastated. I sent a message back but I think she blocked me and never saw it.
After a month of thinking about everything, I reach out to Lucy telling her that herself as well as Mary are still welcome to my house at any time as I know their home situation. She responds well and we meet up in secret to discuss everything. Turns out at home, her whole family turned against her blaming me and her for ruining the trip. Mary is also really mad that I went to go see my friend at Universal. Things eventually mellowed out and she’s back on speaking terms with Mary but the rest of the family are all fighting against each other for other reasons I won’t mention. Lucy told me she would try mentioning rekindling our friendship with Mary but then later let me know Mary is not interested at all.
Well, now I’m just kinda stuck here waiting to see what comes next. I still love Mary so much as a friend so it just kinda sucks this is were we are at. I know I should have reached out at some point to apologize but it just seemed so ridiculous that Mary couldn’t even tell me why she was upset directly, I had to get all my information from Lucy.
TLDR: I left my friend behind at Disney, she got upset and cut contact months later saying she doesn’t want to be friends anymore.

Hey reddit bit of a weird/sad one for ya today. Just a throwaway account and I might end up deleting all this within the week.
Sorry if I get ramble-y and all over the place I'm just shooting off my stream of consciousness. Sorry for the trauma/info dump and any grammaspelling errors.
I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now and we've just started getting more touchy and intimate over the past month or so.We've talked a bit about intimacy the past few months but I have a few personal issues with it.When I dated my ex of 4 years he was pretty pushy about sexual stuff cause we were in a long distance relationship and he was just a touchy physical guy in general, and I've been a good little church girl all my life with no experience.
We did a lot of stuff I probably wasn't ready for. When we first met in person we just went right to making out and oral but no intercourse. This was consensual but looking back I was probably too shy to say no...I haven't been in the best mind space anyway the past few months I guess and haven't been turned on by anything me and my partner have done. I feel more romantic attraction than sexual, but lately there has been a lack of emotion on my side of things. I don't feel anything when we kiss, i just feel like im there, kissing him. As sad as that is to say. It hurts writing that out because i desperately want to feel something, anything. When I'm alone I have no problem getting myself off, I probably prefer it. I like the fantasy of it more than the physicalness. But I just shut down when I get with a partner.
I have a lot of brain blocks from religion (the classic repressed church girl saving herself for marriage blah) I'm still a virgin. I highly doubt I'm ever going to have sex with him honestly... it's not even a marriage thing, at this point I don't care if I get married or not. I'm not sure if I trust anyone enough with my body to feel good or get over the mental barrier that keep me from enjoying sexual things with a partner.
Which brings me to two questions.
Am I some kind of asexual?
Or just low-key traumatized from past pushy experiences?
Or both? (probably :/ )
Well... I mean I definitely don't feel asexual... I believe I have a fearful avoidant/disorganized attachment style. (Self diagnosed)
Fast forward to now with my current boyfriend, he's very kind, sweet and all around gentlemen. He makes me feel safe and happy. I haven't told him much about my ex cause I just want to leave the past in the past.
But I guess over this past month I've just been like low-key triggered when he asks me to touch him?Which brings me to tonight. We were making out for a while and he asks me to touch him and I just can't get into it. I didn't want to say no to him and ruin the mood, I want him to be happy.
Now that im thinking about it I'm started to repeat some of the behaviour I did with my ex... but im more aware of what im doing now... I am a people pleaser, but it's also just a hand job right? Big whoop. The first time I did it I felt a little grossed out when he finished... and the same thing happened tonight when he finished but I felt disgusted and almost gagged by the feeling and texture of it all... I cant get into it mentally. But hey he thanked me and was satisfied right?
No he hasn't asked to make me feel good or anything, I wouldn't ask that of him because it's too embarrassing and I don't think I could get into it... I don't understand why I would be so disgusted enough to hold back and almost gag.
I don't have a strong gag reflex, I had a dog before and never minded picking up after him or cleaning up my baby cousins vomit.
So am I just doomed and ruined to never enjoy sexual stuff reddit? I want to make my partner happy but it shouldn't come of the cost of me feeling the need to push past what I think and feel and need in that moment.
I said yes to a lot of things in the past with my ex because that's what girlfriends do yadda yadda and I'm gonna have to deal with this real soon and have a talk with my boyfriend about why this is a problem for me...
I uh realize this is probably a good talk to have with a therapist about "sexual trauma" and "repression/suppression" and all that fun stuff but that's not really an option at the moment, so I turn to you reddit experts for advice haha. (Yes I realize yall aren't trained professionals but the only people i can turn to atm)
I probably know the answers to what yall are gonna say but any advice would be cool I guess. I can reply to comments below and might update and edit within the week

I (M25) have been dating my bi boyfriend (m22) for about 6 months and for background in the past he had a female bestfriend who was into him and pressured him into kissing her which he later apologized and confessed to me about. Now flash forward to today, him and my best friend who is a girl (and has a bf she hates) get along well and always make jokes of getting married and things of that sort. I know for a fact he's not her type physically and he himself thinks he may be fully gay, but I know that she is exactly his type and has a history of making poor romantic/sexual choices (especially with her current boyfriend) Right now I'm on vacation and they had a sleepover, which they told me about in advance but didn't really ask if I was okay with it. To be honest I'm 99% sure nothing would ever happen with them especially because of both of their loyalty to me but I'm someone who gets anxious very easily so that 1% is really freaking me out. Would I be justified to tell them I don't feel comfortable with how close they've gotten, which one of them should I tell and how do I say it????