Happy birthdy mom quotes

Hi folks!
My parents are both 86yo. Mom's bedridden and Dad is having an increasingly difficult time getting up and around. A few years ago, I gave them an Echo Show 5 and they're pretty used to it now. With summer coming on, I'd like to replace their thermostat with one that can be controlled by Alexa so that Dad doesn't have to get up if he wants to turn on the AC or adjust the temperature. I have an Ecobee but I'm not thrilled with it.
Which smart thermostats do you folks have and are happy with?
Thanks!

This all happened a year back. I (30M) was working for a medium scale business as a associate. I have a sister (28F) who also studied the same field as mine and once she graduated I referred her to my company and she was selected for the same role as me. We have been working together for 6 years and I had worked alone for 8 years. I know the she is qualified more than me for this role, so I knew she had the potential to grow better in this industry that's why 3 years ago when our manager quit the role and when the company was looking to promote someone from the team to the position even I voted my sister as I trusted in her capabilities. She and I got along really well, but once she became manager, she slowly started drifting away, as in she had her own circle of friends in office and I did not mind it as I too had a couple of friends who I frequently hang in the office before she came in.
The problem arose 2 years ago when the company was downsizing since during covid they mass recruited as the work demanded more and the company earned more but after covid when things went back to normal, they were paying more people but the work was less. Seems fair. So all the managers and HRs were informed about this and were asked to identify individuals who are unproductive to send them out of the company. Even my sister was a part of the email chain. Her circle of friends are none other then some of our colleagues who work along with us. These colleagues and I dont get along very well since we had an altercation in the first year of me joining about them dumping the work load on the rest of the team and basically I whistle blew and they haven't spoken with me ever since apart from general work discussions. So that's why I distanced myself with my sister as she became good friends with them. She knew we were not in good terms but did not know the reason.
So for downsizing she had to do research on the productivity metric and she went to ask her group about the members who are unproductive and they obviously pointed at me and another colleague of ours. I did not know about the reason of her targeting me until later after I was out of the job. So, she basically called me in to a meeting in her cabin with HR and straight forward said that I would have resign myself or I would be terminated from the job and that would look bad on my resume. When enquired the reason she said that I was not a team player and I am unproductive compared to the rest. I was pissed and angry but I asked her if she really thought that and she said that she had reasonable means to send me out. I asked her whether she took my actual work into account when taking this decision. She just said that she knows what she was doing and that I should resign. I just resigned on the spot and told her that we are done and we are not even siblings anymore and to not contact me anymore. I had two securities follow me when I went to collect my things and left the office. And I took my things and left. The next day my friend from work called and informed the above mentioned reasons for my termination. I just shook my head in disbelief and said that I don't care.
Indeed I have to pay bills, so without wasting time, I applied for similar roles in other companies and it took 3 months for me to get back into another job with a decent hike and a senior position at that. I was happy with the outcome. My family knew what happened and everyone supported her in the terms of her being impartial and true to herself instead of supporting Nepotism and that I should be ashamed of myself. I tried explaining the real reason but none were ready to listen to it, including my parents. So I went no contact with them saying they have only child and its their daughter and that their son is dead. I moved on with myself. The new job was in a different state from where I was from. So basically I moved away from my family and friends. I was still in touch with only friend from work who knew about what happened. My family tried contacting a few times basically asking me to stop being childish and to comeback. After ignoring them for a month they said that they are disowning me as I am making my sister feel guilty for her genuine right decision. So I said Ok and blocked them all.
They have not reached me from then. I know that I blocked their contacts but they still had other means like my email, getting alternate number or calling through relatives but no efforts taken. So I took the loss and moved on. That was until few weeks ago, I got a call from an unknown number, I just picked up the call and I heard my sister crying on the other end. I immediately knew who it was and I cut the call. This was followed by my family who called back to back and I did not pick any call. I just muted my phone and went to sleep that evening. The next day I woke up to 56 missed calls from my mom, dad and my sister. Followed by a message from her saying that she was sorry and that she made a huge mistake and that she wants to apologize to me and reconcile. I did not respond and I called my friend asking if anything happened at the office. He filled me in on the recent turn of events. Apparently my sister saw a dip in the productivity of the team after the other colleague and I quit the company. When they did the analysis to prepare the year end report she noticed significant dip in productivity after we quit. So, she went back to do the math on the work the new joiners and the existing members have done and noticed that even the newly joined employees had worked more than her circle of friends. That's when it hit her that I was not lying and that I meant it when I asked her to look at the work we do. After that, she had a warning from her Heads and following which she has basically terminated all her friends who were causing the dip in the work. From the calls and messages I can see that she has come clean with all our friends and relatives and she is desperate to contact me and apologize to me. To be honest I have moved on. I responded back that I forgave her for blindly trusting people and sacking me but that I will never forget what she did and that I don't hold a grudge against her but I want no contact that I was not related to them when they decided to disown me. This brings me to yesterday. I was at home and I heard someone ring the doorbell. I opened the door without any thought and noticed mom dad and sister standing at the door. I immediately closed the door. They kept banging the door. I just calmly responded back saying that they dont have to reconcile with me. They can move on with their lives, that I forgave them but that I dont want anything to do with them. I know that I may have been harsh but what I said is what I felt.
For additional context, I do have a girlfriend who is 37F (we met after I moved to this new place). She is with a 4 year old son but she never married to her baby daddy since he was not interested to get married by my gf wanted to marry and settle down. They broke up because of that but are cordial since they have a kid and for his sake. She knows about all the things that happened, she said that she supports me but that she feels that my sister made a stupid mistake of trusting people who she genuinely thought of as her friends. I don't think that is an enough reason for her blindly sacking her own brother out who helped with her career.
TBH, her forcing me to quit actually helped with my career growth, since I am in a senior position at this new job and I earn around 70 percent more than what I earned earlier. I am saving up for a down payment to buy a house at this new place as I am staying at a rented space and I feel the rent is expensive. (Why pay someone when I can pay the dues for my own place?)
Also, I am not from US. I am from a third world country. So trust me when I say this, suing the ex company and ex colleagues is a waste of my time and money as it will take years to even see some form of justice.
TL;DR! My sister fired me trusting her work friends and a year later she understood what happened and now she wants to reconcile but I have moved on and I don't want anything to do with her or my family.

This all happened a year back. I (30M) was working for a medium scale business as a associate. I have a sister (28F) who also studied the same field as mine and once she graduated I referred her to my company and she was selected for the same role as me. We have been working together for 6 years and I had worked alone for 8 years. I know the she is qualified more than me for this role, so I knew she had the potential to grow better in this industry that's why 3 years ago when our manager quit the role and when the company was looking to promote someone from the team to the position even I voted my sister as I trusted in her capabilities. She and I got along really well, but once she became manager, she slowly started drifting away, as in she had her own circle of friends in office and I did not mind it as I too had a couple of friends who I frequently hang in the office before she came in.
The problem arose 2 years ago when the company was downsizing since during covid they mass recruited as the work demanded more and the company earned more but after covid when things went back to normal, they were paying more people but the work was less. Seems fair. So all the managers and HRs were informed about this and were asked to identify individuals who are unproductive to send them out of the company. Even my sister was a part of the email chain. Her circle of friends are none other then some of our colleagues who work along with us. These colleagues and I dont get along very well since we had an altercation in the first year of me joining about them dumping the work load on the rest of the team and basically I whistle blew and they haven't spoken with me ever since apart from general work discussions. So that's why I distanced myself with my sister as she became good friends with them. She knew we were not in good terms but did not know the reason.
So for downsizing she had to do research on the productivity metric and she went to ask her group about the members who are unproductive and they obviously pointed at me and another colleague of ours. I did not know about the reason of her targeting me until later after I was out of the job. So, she basically called me in to a meeting in her cabin with HR and straight forward said that I would have resign myself or I would be terminated from the job and that would look bad on my resume. When enquired the reason she said that I was not a team player and I am unproductive compared to the rest. I was pissed and angry but I asked her if she really thought that and she said that she had reasonable means to send me out. I asked her whether she took my actual work into account when taking this decision. She just said that she knows what she was doing and that I should resign. I just resigned on the spot and told her that we are done and we are not even siblings anymore and to not contact me anymore. I had two securities follow me when I went to collect my things and left the office. And I took my things and left. The next day my friend from work called and informed the above mentioned reasons for my termination. I just shook my head in disbelief and said that I don't care.
Indeed I have to pay bills, so without wasting time, I applied for similar roles in other companies and it took 3 months for me to get back into another job with a decent hike and a senior position at that. I was happy with the outcome. My family knew what happened and everyone supported her in the terms of her being impartial and true to herself instead of supporting Nepotism and that I should be ashamed of myself. I tried explaining the real reason but none were ready to listen to it, including my parents. So I went no contact with them saying they have only child and its their daughter and that their son is dead. I moved on with myself. The new job was in a different state from where I was from. So basically I moved away from my family and friends. I was still in touch with only friend from work who knew about what happened. My family tried contacting a few times basically asking me to stop being childish and to comeback. After ignoring them for a month they said that they are disowning me as I am making my sister feel guilty for her genuine right decision. So I said Ok and blocked them all.
They have not reached me from then. I know that I blocked their contacts but they still had other means like my email, getting alternate number or calling through relatives but no efforts taken. So I took the loss and moved on. That was until few weeks ago, I got a call from an unknown number, I just picked up the call and I heard my sister crying on the other end. I immediately knew who it was and I cut the call. This was followed by my family who called back to back and I did not pick any call. I just muted my phone and went to sleep that evening. The next day I woke up to 56 missed calls from my mom, dad and my sister. Followed by a message from her saying that she was sorry and that she made a huge mistake and that she wants to apologize to me and reconcile. I did not respond and I called my friend asking if anything happened at the office. He filled me in on the recent turn of events. Apparently my sister saw a dip in the productivity of the team after the other colleague and I quit the company. When they did the analysis to prepare the year end report she noticed significant dip in productivity after we quit. So, she went back to do the math on the work the new joiners and the existing members have done and noticed that even the newly joined employees had worked more than her circle of friends. That's when it hit her that I was not lying and that I meant it when I asked her to look at the work we do. After that, she had a warning from her Heads and following which she has basically terminated all her friends who were causing the dip in the work. From the calls and messages I can see that she has come clean with all our friends and relatives and she is desperate to contact me and apologize to me. To be honest I have moved on. I responded back that I forgave her for blindly trusting people and sacking me but that I will never forget what she did and that I don't hold a grudge against her but I want no contact that I was not related to them when they decided to disown me. This brings me to yesterday. I was at home and I heard someone ring the doorbell. I opened the door without any thought and noticed mom dad and sister standing at the door. I immediately closed the door. They kept banging the door. I just calmly responded back saying that they dont have to reconcile with me. They can move on with their lives, that I forgave them but that I dont want anything to do with them. I know that I may have been harsh but what I said is what I felt.
For additional context, I do have a girlfriend who is 37F (we met after I moved to this new place). She is with a 4 year old son but she never married to her baby daddy since he was not interested to get married by my gf wanted to marry and settle down. They broke up because of that but are cordial since they have a kid and for his sake. She knows about all the things that happened, she said that she supports me but that she feels that my sister made a stupid mistake of trusting people who she genuinely thought of as her friends. I don't think that is an enough reason for her blindly sacking her own brother out who helped with her career.
TBH, her forcing me to quit actually helped with my career growth, since I am in a senior position at this new job and I earn around 70 percent more than what I earned earlier. I am saving up for a down payment to buy a house at this new place as I am staying at a rented space and I feel the rent is expensive. (Why pay someone when I can pay the dues for my own place?)
Also, I am not from US. I am from a third world country. So trust me when I say this, suing the ex company and ex colleagues is a waste of my time and money as it will take years to even see some form of justice.
TL;DR! My sister fired me trusting her work friends and a year later she understood what happened and now she wants to reconcile but I have moved on and I don't want anything to do with her or my family.

I (32F) have been married to my husband (34M) for 6 years. We have 3 kids (oldest son from a prior relationship was 2 when my husband and I reconnected).
We’ve always had horrible, horrible arguments. It’s never gotten better. We get along and care for each other pretty well for the most part but the bad arguments have been a constant. We’ve tried therapy numerous times and still have never been able to ignore the toxic arguments.
The thing that has shifted is I’ve finally become pretty lonely. It feels like we’re two passing ships. It feels like my husband doesn’t care to do anything as a family or even as a couple. We’ll watch half a movie together here or there after I put our youngest to bed but for the most part, free time he gets he games and free time I get I clean or meal prep or do chores.
I’m resentful about how much I’ve always done. All the typical cleaning, the bathrooms, the kitchen (besides dishes by my husband sometimes), the floors, the shopping, the meal planning, the bills, the school stuff, etc etc. I’ve always had a full time job even when he was a stay at home dad.
I’m just so burned out. I feel like the romanticism has died down so much although we still care about each other so much. I feel like he can be committed in certain aspects but kind of thoughtless in lots of ways. I stopped giving him gifts because he never was a gift giver. The ring he proposed to me with never fit me and despite me asking him to ask the seller if he could get it replaced, he never did.
This mixed with the arguing has just become too much. My 5 year old is so afraid of us breaking up but I think we would all just be happier.
This is the closest I’ve felt to wanting it to just end and it makes me so sad. Mainly because my mom still says to this day she wish she would have made things work with my dad despite falling out of love to keep my brother and I happy. I’m so scared of hurting my kids. I’m afraid of what it will do to my oldest son’s relationship with him. But I want to be alone.
TLDR: married for 6 years with 3 kids but constant toxic arguing despite caring for and loving each other. I’m not happy but I’m afraid to hurt my kids. How do you know when to give up?

Just a warning, this is going to be very long! I (21F) and my brother (15M) were abandoned by our mother when I was 11 or 12.
For context, she was a teen mother, with a lot of mental health issues (bipolar, BPD, depression, i can only assume some form of sociopathic behavior), and she addicted to hard drugs. My father was a little rough around the edges, but overall a hardworking guy who went into the relationship with a "I can fix her" mentality. For the first few years of my life, I was oblivious to all of the issues going on in my family, I just enjoyed the first 5 years of my life as a happy child. My mother hid her drug addiction well enough for a 5 year old not to ask any questions, and I thought weekly screaming matches were normal and "mommies and daddies fight sometimes". Unbeknownst to me, my mother was cheating with dozens of people, and emotionally/financially/physically abusing my father, he put on a happy face to try and give me a good childhood. He worked 5am- 5pm at a bagel store (no car, only a bike) and never came home empty handed; always a toy, or a piece of candy for me as "sorry" for always being gone and working all day. I thought my mother would always bring her "friends" (men and women) in the house while dad was at work, and they would spend hours "playing" in her room with the door locked. I pretty much had to raise and take care of myself from the time I woke up to around 6pm, so I ended up becoming pretty smart by entertaining myself with my mom's fantasy novels (Harry potter, princess of mars, lord of the rings, etc.) On days she had college classes, our landlords (amazing people) would babysit me. My mother did give me affection, and I loved her very much, but she was very hands-off.
Granted, I wasn't the easiest child to deal with, I had ADHD, undiagnosed autism, among some other things.
When she got pregnant with my brother, (also adhd+autism) I noticed things started to change. My parents would fight more often, the house smelled like smoke, and the electricity to the apartment would be out for weeks because we couldn't pay the bills. Shortly after my brother was born, my parents had the hugest fight I've ever seen, I don't even remember what it was about (probably cheating), but it was the first time it hit me that everything in my life wasn't as happy as I thoughts. I sat clutching my baby brother as she beat my dad with a chair and started screaming. He grabbed a knife and ran outside and tried to end his life by stabbing his wrist. I was screaming and crying my landlords name, hoping my baby sitter would come and save me, he bolted downstairs, pried the door open, and grabbed the two of us and took us into his top floor of the apartment. He gave me some chocolate milk while him and his wife called the police. That was the day my parents split up, and my mom was able to spin the whole thing on my dad, taking custody and he was granted only visitation rights. My mother was kicked out of the apartment, and my aunt (dads sister, but my mother had taken a liking to her and allowed us to see her often) had a feeling something fishy was going on when no one would tell her anything about the details of that night. She went to my old house and asked my landlords what happened, they told her, so she let us sleep over with her whenever we wanted as a safe haven from our mom. She didn't go to court with any of the information she got, out of fear that my mother wouldn't let her see us again, because she was now our only place of complete safety.
My life became a living hell from that point onward. A week a later, my mom told us that her "new boyfriend"(probably a guy she cheated on dad with but I was like 7 and didn't know better) was letting us move in with him. He was the most horrible piece of shit. He got my mother addicted to even more drugs, and they both constantly talked badly about my dad, and when I cried, covered my ears, and said I didn't want to hear it, he would hit me and tell me that I needed to know. He was basically unemployed, and would sometimes sell drugs, or take antiques out of abandoned houses to sell. I hated him. My mother made an entire personality shift, and would defend him even if he said horrible things to me or hit me. She saw no fault in him. She stopped reading me bedtime stories, and stopped telling me she loved me. The only time she was nice to me was when we were in front of other people like school functions... she would kiss up to all my teachers.
I was left to take care of my baby brother on my own, and my father was in and out of mental hospitals from the trauma, so everything he said about how horrible my mother was fell of deaf ears because he was labeled "crazy".
We had no money, it was all spent on drugs, I went out by myself several times to dig through dumpsters just to get food, and I stole baby formula from supermarkets. This one nice homeless lady knew my situation, and would walk me into the stores "as my grandma" so I wouldnt get stopped to ask why a child was all alone. She would poke around the store and buy a $1 candy bar, while I stole formula, and some cold cuts for her. She showed me all the best dumpsters, where delis would throw put perfectly good food at the end of the day. We had an alliance of sorts. I was less than 9 years old.
Her boyfriend became sexually abusive to me around that time. I'll spare the details.
My mother was starting to go off the rails completely. Doing anything for drug money. I clearly remember the time that she told me to get naked and she took pictures of me, up close in all my private areas "to send to the doctor" or else "I would have to go in person and they might give me a shot" (she knew I hated needles.). She never mentioned that event again, but I just know she sent them to some pedophile for money. It makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it. Her bf would try and hurt my brother, I would always step in and get beat instead. We saw our father and aunt maybe once a month, and I was threatened not to say anything to the school or my dad/aunt or else he would kill my mom. I said nothing. I told my aunt all the bruises were from bullies at school, my teachers were taking care of it... or that I was climbing trees, some excuse. I think she knew the truth, but was too scared of losing us to say anything. Everytime they went to drop us back off at our mom's, my brother would have a tantrum. He cried so much the blood vessels in his face would pop. He now at 15 has permanant, freckle like, spots of red on his face from crying so much so often.
She got pregnant again with his twin girls. She gave birth prematurely, and they came out very very sick. She gave birth at home... I was giving most of their care. After the "ohhhh new baby" feeling wore off for her, of course I was basically a mother of 3 at 10 years old. They didn't last long, less than a year. I was in complete despair and that was the first time i tried to end my life. I filled the bathtub and tried to drown myself by repeatedly hitting my head underwater in attempts to pass out under the water. It didn't work, and I was left with neck pain and a migraine that lasted 4 days. I attempted about 5 times, different methods, by this point I haven't been to school in a week. When I came back to school, the teachers noticed something was wrong. I kept looking off into space, detached. I would lash out and act aggressively when anyone would try and talk to me. I would have 2 hour "bathroom breaks" where I just stared at the wall inside the stall and acted rudely when anyone came to get me. What did they do? Not call CPS, of course, they sent me to a special school because of my "sudden behavior issues". I was in a class now with students I could not connect with in any way. I had no friends. All the other kids in my new class had severe learning disabilities and talking to my brother who was 6 years younger than me was more of a conversation. They couldn't read, most of them were almost non-verbal.
My mom broke up with her bf because he cheated, and we were going to lose the house. He still lived with us for a few days but stayed silent. My mother blamed me, saying that I ruined everything by being a bad child and now we were going to be homless. He tried to touch me one last time and I snapped and stabbed him deeply with a BBQ screwer, he just walked away. later that night he killed himself, I saw it. I'll never get that image out of my head.
I lost it, I had an outburst at school, crying and screaming that I wanted to kill myself and for God to just let me die. They sent me to a hospital, and the school called my mom to say I was having an outburst of psychosis. I spilled everything to the hospital about what her bf was doing to me (I couldnt bring myself to talk about my mothers abuses for some reason), and after a while, it was my dad who came to get me... apparently my mother had taken off, leaving my brother alone in the house after the school had called her. I had so many questions. But I was so happy to finally be able to live with my dad and his side of the family.
I was so traumatized, as well as neurodivergent, I acted strangely and dealt with some bullies at school but that was it, it was like heaven on earth. My father didn't even know the full scope of what went on, but the more I told him the more guilty he felt. He started spoiling us a bit out of guilt, so we were happy to be with a parent who loved us.
We never knew where she went. Until I was 18, and she reached out to me on social media. Initially I didn't want to answer. I left my DM sitting there for a few days but... I felt this unexplainable pull. I hated her all these years, but for some reason when the option to take her back into my life came up... something in me missed her. I kept thinking back to the few happy times, and the curiosity was killing me. I finally messaged back, my father told me not to, but he said he couldn't stop me, I at least deserved some answers, and to get all my pent up hatred out at her for some closure. We awkwardly chatted for a few minutes, she told me that her father in West Virginia picked her up, she started a new life, joined narcotics anonymous, but stayed low and didn't let herself be known. She met a genuinely good man at NA, who had convinced her to right her wrongs, quit drugs, and fix her family. They had 2 kids together (one with down syndrome), and she was a present, active mother. I felt a vicious jealousy. Why would she go and have 2 more kids when she had 2 that she abandoned? Why were they treated with love and a loving home when we went through hell...? Why didn't she make it up to us before she went and had more kids..?
My mind did weird things then. It made me need her approval. I kissed up to her, saying I forgave her. That I always knew everything was always her ex bfs fault and not hers.That we were sad when she left. I planned a trip to see her a month later and her new family, my friends all begged me it was a bad idea, to please please not go, and at least to not tell my brother about it. I listened to them, and didnt tell my brother any of this, I told him I was visiting a long distance friend.
I went, we had a pretty good time. Her kids were cute, and I absolutely adored her new lover. He was a good southern man, my gut told me that. He took me fishing, and let me talk through all my feelings. I finally had the relationship with her that I always craved. It felt sickening good, I was estatic. I didn't care about all of the weird signs, like the weird friends she had (looked like crack addicts), and how she managed to get a kind rich southern guy to take her in. I didn't even care. I was just happy to finally feel like I had her approval. I have a habit of bedwetting time to time from anxiety, I ended up having an accident and I was mortified. I cleaned it all up, but told her and, she said it was no big deal. She used to scream at me or hit me as a child for wetting the bed, and now she was reacting normally. It was like a new woman.
My trip was cut short by a week, she had to be rushed into hospital because her appedix was about to explode, she needed to recover and wouldnt be able to do anything fun with me for the remainder of the trip. I watchd her get taken by the ambulance, and was freaking out crying, I was so relieved when the surgery was a success. Her new man apologized profusely for all he stress and bought me a plane ticket back home to NY. He hugged me saying he would be so happy to see me again over the summer, and he had so much fun fishing with me. That he wanted to be a good step dad. He was a nice dude, just like my dad (a good guy she manipulated) I felt it in my gut. They both were at the airport, my mother in a wheelchair, and hugged me off. She said she loved me and to text her when I landed
I did, and got no response. Another day passed, nothing. I started to freak out and called her, only for it to go to voicemail. I messaged one of her friends sons who she Introduced me to. Asking if she was okay. He said he would get back to me once she responded to him, but them he too ghosted me. It was like she was never there. I called her partners work, and they said they would tell him to give me a call. Nothing. I was in despair. I assumed the worst, that she had died or something because of a surgery complication. I was so confused. I pushed it all out of my mind, wrote it off as a mystery even though it ate up at me. I always just justified it as a death, even though it made no sense. She was still following me on Facebook, but there wasn't activity for months when she was once super active. I deleted facebook a few months later because it just hurt.
It's been about 3 years since then. I needed to re-download facebook because my aunt wanted me to check something on matketplace... and I looked up her name just out of curiosity... shes been posting for over a year now. She's okay. She posts her kids, her fiance... she never once responded ro any of my messages yet. Not on text, not on Facebook messenger, no where.... I scrolled and scrolled, crying. I saw she got a new tattoo... a rose for each of her kids.... one for each of her two new kids, one for a miscarriage she had...two for our sisters who passed away... NONE for me or my brother. Like we don't even exist to her.
I don't know what to do. I want to know WHY. We finally had a good relationship, I finally forgave her. We finally could have been okay, saw each other a few times a year... she said she was happy to have me back in her life.... WHY? I'm so heartbroken and confused. I miss her. Was it because I wet the bed? I don't know. I know shes horrible, but I can't help but miss her so much it hurts. Should I continue trying to reach out, or just let her go..? How do I process thos? Any advice, or maybe a theory/explanation/comfort. Anything would help. I just need help. I don't know what to do...

Just feeling a little steamed about it. My partner and I have been living together for about 2 years, we have SS7 between 50-75% of the time. I really try to nacho as much as possible. SS7 has a phone and was home sick with strep this week (I wfh). I put my number in his phone and told him to call me if he needed me (his room is upstairs, I work downstairs). He called me while I was on a meeting so I texted him and said I’ll be right there, and sent him some heart emojis.
Well, HCBM got him this weekend and is apparently blowing up my partner’s texts about how she’s pissed that I put my number in his phone, she doesn’t like that I sent him heart emojis, and that she is her son’s greatest love right now.
Just… gross. My partner wasn’t going to tell me, but I could tell he was bothered by something. What an absolute mean, nasty person. Like, I’m supposed to live in a house with this kid and have no relationship with him??? Ridiculous. We have ups and downs and sometimes this child drives me nuts, but I love my partner and it is important to me that his kid feels that I am a safe and trusted person in his life, and that he feels no conflict about me when it comes to his mother (ie, I am not your mom, my dude - I am your dad’s girlfriend and someone that you can always come to and trust, but not your mom). I had a stepmom who did not like me at all, and it made me feel like absolute shit. I do not want this for this kid. He deserves a happy childhood where the adults in his life (including, or perhaps especially me) are safe and supportive.

This review is copied from my Google Maps review (if you want to see photos) of the Foothills Medical Centre L&D and Postpartum units on the 5th floor. Overall a pleasant experience in an older facility carried by awesome nurses who made us feel taken care of.
My wife was set to receive an induction. After her cervical ripening balloon fell out, we called L&D and they told us they were busy and that they'd likely call us the next morning unless we felt it was an emergency.
Parking is $15 a day which is okay considering it's a hospital.
Our private L&D room in Unit 51 was sizable and had a couch and private bathroom but no TV or mini fridge. The shared fridge was stocked with milk, juice, yogurt, jello, pudding, sandwiches, tea and coffee (decaf). 8 hours in, the doctor checked her cervix and discovered that our little one had his whole arm sticking out. Doctor said it would have to be a c-section.
Fast forward to the postpartum side and we received a "semi-private" room. We were essentially separated by a shared toilet/shower and a couple curtains, but at least we were not right beside each other. No complaints about our neighbours.
Our part of the room was small in comparison with the L&D room. There was definitely a lot of shuffling around with the bed table, chair, and obviously the baby. We did have our own sink and mini fridge. Again, no TV so consider bringing your own entertainment. The room was quite stuffy but there was a fan to alleviate that. The chair they provided me was essentially a deck chair and one armrest was literally worn out to the metal. I was happy that I brought a sleeping bag to set up on the floor and a blindfold. I also borrowed a couple blankets and a pillow from the unit. It was not exactly pleasant but could've been worse had I not been a back sleeper.
The shared fridge in postpartum was not quite as stocked as in L&D, although there was typically always drinks and sometimes extra trays of food leftover after breakfast/lunch/dinner. I ate whatever my wife couldn't finish. Luckily, I brought some snacks from home for sustinence and McDonald's is not a long drive away for late night food. Yes, outside food is allowed. I took a picture of an example lunch menu that my wife received.
Pretty much all the nurses and staff we interacted with were very helpful, patient, and caring. They were happy to show us how to breastfeed, swaddle a baby, change a diaper, burp the baby, etc. so don't feel bad asking. They gave us a bag of essentials for mom and baby such as underwear, pads, diapers, burp/face cloths, vaseline, etc. They may or may not give you a couple extra if you ask nicely. There was a breastfeeding pillow in the room as well as some basic instructions on how to breastfeed. My wife wasn't producing quite enough for our baby's appetite so we did purchase a bottle of donor breastmilk to supplement for $18 (free if you're still on the L&D side) which lasted us for the couple of nights we stayed.
Unless there's a new hospital built in North Calgary soon, we will likely be back here for our next baby.

After my first breakup and the endless pain it caused, I thought I could handle anything. A few years back, I even received a diagnosis for ulcerative colitis and managed to cope with the diagnosis and the ongoing suffering. After five years, I opened my heart to another woman.
Two years later, it happened. She met a guy online. I didn't think much of it because men and women can be friends (though it's tough, but possible). He even had a girlfriend, so I wasn't overly worried. After meeting him a few times, she went on a university trip to Switzerland and came back a changed person. She wanted to spend the night at her mom’s, which was fine by me. She said she'd text me when she got there—it’s a 30-minute trip. Five hours later, she suddenly returned home. I was terrified, thinking she had died or something else horrible had happened. When she got home, she said she'd been out drinking with a friend, and we went to sleep because I was too exhausted to discuss anything. The next day, I demanded to see her phone because I didn't believe her (after she didn’t even notify me about her plans), but she refused. Long story short, she had been with Julian, the guy from the cinema. They had gone to watch the northern lights and had some drinks. I pressed her, unable to understand how she could keep this from me. Since she struggles with emotional stress, she confessed that she had kissed my best friend a few months back. After further arguing, she admitted it happened twice more, once at our place.
I told her straight away that we could get through this, and we discussed why it happened. She hadn't felt emotionally secure with me, and I see that now. Yes, it wasn't my fault she strayed, but I hadn't treated her as well as she treated me for the longest time. I wasn't terrible, but I hadn't made her my top priority, and she felt it. She had told me several times how important it was, but she never conveyed just how serious the situation was. We decided to try again, and she agreed to stop seeing Julian for some time (she didn't want to stop texting him because she finds it incredibly hard to make friends and didn’t want to lose that—she said she'd stop if she felt something romantic could happen).
Why didn't I treat her better? I can't tell you. Maybe my illnesses stressed me out! Maybe it was university, which has never stressed me so much, that kept me from paying enough attention to my girlfriend. I just didn't realize how serious it was.
A few days ago, my girlfriend decided to take a break from me to clear her thoughts and find out if she can still love me.
And then, as if things couldn't get worse: in two days, she was supposed to start a month-long break, and just now, she wrote to me that Julian's girlfriend had broken up with him, just as I had predicted.
My disease has flared up again due to stress, and it's the most important university semester of my life, but I can't go on because I JUST CAN'T ANYMORE.
Perfectly timed with our break starting, Julian's girlfriend broke up with him. I don't know what to do with myself. I love my girlfriend, even after everything, and I don't want to lose her. But after everything, especially this last part, I feel like I know where this is going. I just can't deal with it. I can't watch TV shows, I can't eat, and most of the time, I can't even cry. The only thing keeping me going is the hope that nothing happens with Julian this month and she comes back to me, so I can show her that she is my number one priority (alongside my own well-being). And I've never meant anything so seriously.
I don't know what to do with myself. I want to tell her to cut off contact with Julian, but she won't; I want to tell her to stay with me, but she won’t. And when I express my fear that she might develop feelings for Julian during the break, she tells me she can't imagine that happening.
I don't know what to do anymore. Thank you for reading this far. Writing is the only thing I can do right now.
I feel like I barely exist these days, especially now. I’ve thought about hurting myself, but I won’t. I know I won't end my life, and I won't harm myself. I can't imagine how terrible the next months will be, but I have to survive somehow, even though I feel I may never be happy again.
So... I don't know what I'm expecting from this... Advice? I Quess. I can't imagine anyone can help. I still have to try everything.
**TL;DR;** : My girlfriend cheated and wasnt happy in the relationship and i need help, advice.. anything.

Happy Sunday, everyone. I've been thinking about the Karma Police meme. If you've never seen the music video for Karma Police, give it a watch. And if you have seen it, give it a watch again. It's a very simple video but incredibly poignant. Notice the color scheme, note what he puts behind his back. It's a pack of matches. When he is completely exhausted, in tatters, and falling down after being chased incessantly, he gets an opportunity to save himself. Note that DFV cuts off the video before he lights the match. You barely get a glimpse of what’s in his hand. What's the match? By the way, he's sharing this song from OK Computer.
It also has Kansas City Shuffle vibes. At first, you think the Karma Police are chasing the man running, but ultimately, Karma isn’t a person, it’s a force. And it catches up with whoever is driving the car. The ragged man, who you never expect to be the victor, wins.
I also remembered a quote from Thom Yorke about Karma Police: "Karma is important. The idea that something like karma exists makes me happy. It makes me smile. "Karma Police" is dedicated to everyone who works for a big firm. It's a song against the bosses."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uYWYWPc9HU

I’ve been out of the church for over a year now. Luckily I have other siblings out with me. Although I’m very happy and living a life I love, the hardest part for me is having to watch my younger sisters still be raised in the church. It’s like getting to see all my religious trauma play out a second time, seeing their gut-wrenching reactions, and knowing my parents genuinely think they’re helping them.
I live in different state than my family and am visiting home for the weekend. They all went to church this morning and my mom said they were fasting today. Oddly enough, as I’m getting breakfast after they leave- I have this flashback of my older brother getting yelled at by our dad over fasting. It was over 16 years ago, but I’ll never forget my dad standing over him saying “You’re 11 years old. It’s ridiculous to see you break a fast at this age.” At 11 !!!! The older I get the more I realize how bizarre that truly is.
Well my family gets home from church a couple hours later. My little sister (12) decides to make a sandwich. As she’s sitting down to eat, my dad walks in and starts to make her feel bad. He gave her this lecture on “how they’re fasting for someone super sick” and he just makes her feel like she must not care about this sick person if she’s breaking her fast. My sister of course starts sobbing and it was gut wrenching for me to over-hear.
I was sitting with my mom when this went down, so I just said “You guys are too hard on her. Poor girl.” My mom asked what I meant, so I reminded my mom that my sister is 12, going through puberty, AND hardly ate yesterday (due to her being on ADHD meds and not having an appetite). My mom just responded with “it isn’t a WE that is too hard on her,” kind of pointing fingers at my dad. So then my mom gets up and goes to the kitchen to hug my sister and talked to my dad. My dad just kept defending himself saying “I wasn’t trying to make her feel bad.”
So today feels like a HUGE win for me. Seeing my mom comfort my sister and not only see the issue with their expectation of fasting, but talk to my dad about it is an EXMO win for sure !! Doesn’t take away from the guilt-trip and heartbreak my sister just finished crying over. Still hurts my heart and I wish I could just save her from this religious trauma. It’s truly so dumb that we expect children to go without meals and make them feel like shit if they need to eat.
Anyone else have fasting trauma? 😂 And how do y’all cope with watching your little siblings go through religious trauma? It’s gut-wrenching.

I come from a large, blended family. My eldest step brother is 20 years older than me. He has been a lifelong meth addict and alcoholic. He is already intellectually delayed and the lifelong SA makes him act like an obnoxious 14 year old edge lord in an almost 60 year old man’s body. He is sexist, racist, and unpleasant to be around. I haven’t ever really had a relationship with him and haven’t seen him in person since 2017.
8 years ago he started dialysis. In the intervening time he’s had 2 stokes and now he is immobile and nearing the end of his life. My sisters have graciously been helping with his medical care and one of them is his DPOA and medical point of contact. They’ve both respected my boundaries when I tell them I can’t and won’t help with his care and don’t want a relationship with him. My parents retired and relocated out of state and my sisters have taken on his care.
A week ago my eldest sister sent this email to our entire family:
“On March 30th, (second eldest sister) and I attended an emergency meeting with (eldest brother)’s medical care team. (Eldest brother) called the day before saying he had 2 weeks to live.
It was very emotional and we were all crying. (Eldest brother) was saying goodbye to us. We asked him who he wanted us to call. He told us to tell (second eldest brother, parents, and his daughter) to go, "fuck themselves." He talked about his wishes to be cremated and he asked us to clean out his room and split everything up for our kids. He started making apologies. Apologies for the last years of his life being so miserable, and not taking better care of himself. He apologized for molesting us when we were babies. He shared graphic details. He said he'd sneak around at night and put his finger in our "little assholes" and said "(eldest sister), you liked it more than (second eldest sister) did. That's why you're my favorite. You'd go, "mhhhmm" when I'd stick it in." He giggled. This was on a conference call, but (second eldest sister) (who attended in person) told me he also made a graphic hand gesture while describing the abuse. (Second eldest sister) and I were uncomfortable, ashamed, and in disbelief. The doctors arrived for the meeting and told us that if (eldest brother) stopped doing dialysis he would die in approx 2 weeks. Apparently, prior to the meeting, (eldest brother) had informed his care team he decided to stop dialysis. He wanted to die, he was ready for his life to be over but "couldn't bring himself to commit suicide because he's Catholic." During the meeting, the team convinced (eldest brother) to keep treating and give himself more time to decide about ending his life. After the meeting was over, (second eldest sister) and I spoke. I tried to convince (eldest sister) that this was likely a terrible side effect of being on narcotic pain meds. I didn't want to believe it. She and I spoke about it a handful of times since but continued to help (eldest brother), not knowing what to do. (Eldest brother) called (second eldest sister) the next day and apologized for "saying some weird stuff yesterday." Every day since this deathbed confession I have been hoping he dies.
On May 1st, I got a call from (second eldest brother) about (me and fiancé) 's wedding. I told him about (eldest brother) nearing the end of his life and about what (eldest brother) said to us. He said, "Mom put that into his head. That's the reason she told him he had to leave (childhood home), because they thought he was molesting you guys." (Second eldest brother) doesn't believe (eldest brother) molested us, his reasoning was "Don't you think I'd know if my brother was a sex monster?"
Both (second eldest sister) and I have blocked (eldest brother). I didn't plan on bringing this to you, to anyone. It took me some time to share this with my husband. It's painful and I wanted to protect everyone from this. Especially given the very happy upcoming nuptials and our moving back home. It's a complicated family problem but it's also mine and (serving eldest sister)’s private lives, our bodies, and now our reality. I realize that not telling you is not an option. There has been some communication happening around this and I want you to hear the exact context, not just "(eldest brother) said some horrifying things." I will not protect anyone involved in this, besides (second eldest sister). I am sending this email with her permission.”
My parents have denied any prior knowledge of this and my dad launched into a really pointless and hurtful fact finding mission which has made things worse. They are not showing my sisters the support they deserve and it’s infuriating feeling like I’m pleading withy parents to be decent human beings. I know this is fresh but I now want to cancel my wedding because I don’t feel any of the players in the situation can be trusted to manage their emotions.
I resumed therapy this week. I’m in a deep depression over this. I love my fiancee and can’t wait to be married. It’s no small thing that he has been my absolute rock and is also still very excited for our wedding. We picked an amazing one of a kind venue and the wedding is structured as a weekend of events celebrating us. The wedding is just short of 4 months away now and instead of feeling the excitement and fun I was feeling during the planning process I feel the complete opposite.
I’m trying to work with my therapist to navigate the situation in the way that doesn’t feel gross. We asked my dad to officiate which is particularly stressful and he’s contributed and chunk of money (about 1/3 the total cost of the wedding) to our wedding fund.
I love my parents but I’m really prioritizing my sister’s well being in this. My heart is broken and I’m questioning the values I thought I was raised with.
Anyway, do we move forward with this wedding extravaganza and just try to focus on ourselves and being in love of do we scrap it, go elope, forego the drama and save 8k?

I recently adopted a two year old blue heeler from the shelter a little over a month ago. He was a stray so we know almost nothing about his history, but definitely was someone’s dog at some point as he was already crate trained and house broken. Very smart dog. Picks up on tricks easily. I’ve been doing a lot of research and it seems like blue heelers are naturally anxious dogs. Something we’re trying to work on. Takes him time to warm up to people. He’s quick to put his tail between his legs when he sees a new person and sometimes will bark.
This guy HAS A TON OF ENERGY. He’s not a menace around the house, but you can tell his little heart just wants to RUN. We live in an apartment so we go on lots of walks every day. We do a lot of training at home as well and puzzle toys. We’ve used Sniffspot a couple of times and it’s been amazing. He just loves running laps around us when he gets the chance.
Today I went to a dog park in a more rural part of town hoping there wouldn’t be a lot of people/dogs. We did a few laps before going into the park in an effort to tire him out. We go in and I take him to a corner that’s pretty abandoned and just start playing fetch with him. He’s so happy. Then a woman with three dogs passes. One of the dogs is a small lab and immediately starts chasing my dog. Then the other two join in as well. I get really nervous. He’s outnumbered and I’m terrified of something bad happening. I get on the ground with my dog and start calming him. The lady tells me not to do that. That everything’s fine and to just let my dog be. I still wait for them to leave before letting him go.
Now of course I’ve lost the ball we were fetching with so I start to look for it. Then my dog sees the lab running around across the field and bolts for it. I start following and praying everything will be okay. Then all the dogs start chasing again. It doesn’t seem aggressive and the lady doesn’t seem nervous at all. Then I see my dog try and take a snap at the labs butt. He doesn’t take hold. The other dogs don’t freak out or get mad, the lab is still running around, but it definitely made contact.
Okay, time to leave. Horrible idea. I’m a horrible person and a horrible dog mom. I see the lab go back to its owner and he appears to be limping a little. I ask if he’s okay and she says yes. She said he gets himself hurt by being a brat. I’m so nervous. I feel AWFUL. She looks at him and says nothings broken. He’s not bleeding. He’ll be fine. I ask if she’s sure, she says yes.
We leave the dog park. I want so badly to be able to take my dog to dog parks, but I know a lot of people say dog parks are terrible. It feels like me and my dog would be part of the problem. He’s a sweet guy, but I just don’t know if I can 100% trust him. I want him to be socialized. I don’t have any friends with dogs he could hang out with.
No more dog parks. Not worth the risk. I still feel awful and horrible about the situation and feel like a terrible dog owneperson.
Sorry, this was way too long.

I (24, M) have a childhood friend (24, M) na kasama ko buong buhay ko. My friend's family parang rags to riches iyong buhay nila pero hindi naman super mayaman like maginhawa lang sa buhay. Iyong family niya super bait talaga sa akin and they treat me as part of them since kung may gala lagi akong kasama at lagi akong may gift. They treated so kindly talaga. My childhood friend, mabait naman siya towards me. Growing up, mayroon pagka-spoiled siya at ayaw niya magpatalo sa mga arguments kahit hindi akma iyong mga points niya. Kahit bata pa ako noon alam ko iyong ugali niya kaya tikum-bibig na lang ako kapag may heated arguments na, mostly sa other friend ko (pinsan ko) lagi niyang ka-debate. Happy naman ako kasi nag-improve friend ko from shy type to active person sa school namin during HS kasi magaling talaga sumayaw at talented siya. Ewan ko ba, baka siguro nagulat siya sa sudden recognition at appreciation ng mga tao at parang na-boost ego niya. Ahead ako ng one school year sa kaniya so ang naging classmate niya iyong pinsan ko dahil pinalipat siya sa first section. Naging friends naman niya iyong classmates niya. I'm happy for him kasi may new set of friends siya and was never jealous of it. He always lead their group. Kasi siya iyong may malaking ambag sa kanila tuwing galaan so siya mostly nasusunod. According sa pinsan ko, masyado talaga siyang matampuhin at biglang nagka-cancel or nagba-backout sa plano pag hindi nasusunod gusto niya. May mga instances na nag-aaway sila tapos maya't maya ay aalis sa GC. I hear both of their sides naman, parehong may mali at lapses. Hindi naman ako iyong tipong gagatungan ang apoy. I stayed neutral kasi kaibigan ko sila. Noong nag-college na kami, his Mom offered na siya ang iyong mag-sponsor sa schooling ko. Mabuti na lang at sa city siya nag-school. Alam ko kasi magiging sunod-sunoran ako sa kaniya kasi naman hindi gaanong marunong sa gawaing-bahay tapos noon lagi kong tinutulungan sa project niya either hindi niya ginagawa dahil tinatamad siya o siguro alam niyang tutulong ako. As a friend, gusto kong matuto siya at magsumikap na hindi umaasa sa iba lalo na sa academics at luckily natuto rin naman and I'm proud of him.
We are so DIFFERENT talaga. In every aspect, we do not have the same interests and likes. Maybe we become familiar to each other but never really get know the each other.
Noong pandemic doon ko napaisip that we will never become friends kung hindi lang sa magkapitbahay kami. Our perspective in life is so different. When he starts to work out, doon iyong nadevelop superiority complex niya as per my observation lang. A KNOW IT ALL ALPHA. He proudly and verbally says he is an Alpha and points out people who are Sigma, Beta etc. He does not openly says he is better than everyone but the context and everything tells otherwise. His a fan of Andrew Tate as well. When there is ganap sa HS batch, sumasama naman siya pero hindi nakikihalubilo tapos iyong pinsan ko masyadong nahihirapan kasi ayaw ng friend ko makisali sa grupo which getting together lang. Casual talk kumbaga. He says he is not into bodyshaming pero mina-mock niya friends niya. Also he has a beef with LGBT people. Sabi niya di naman siya homophobic but I can sense the internalized homophobia. He knew and can sense that I am not straight since I told him about it. Maybe he approves the version of non-straight of me because I dress like a man and I'm comfortable with the version of me. Doon talaga ako na-off noong Presedential Election. By the way he is BBM supporter and I do not have problem with that. I am open to discussion with facts only and no biases. Yet, iyon na nga nagpapaniwala sa theories na mga youtubers na pawang haka-haka lamang at open naman ang internet to find legit sources to fact-check tapos dumaan sa research subject noong HS pa lamang pero bakut di magawa. Hindi man sabihin pero sobrang competitve niya sa other men. He always says "Hindi ko sila ka-level. Why would I give a fuck about them?" He claims he does not care about other people but was unaware that he talk bad about them (now, I talk bad about him which is not good). He brags. When I bought my Ipad he doesn't want to be outshined so he tells that his mom bought latest model of the ipad, iphone and he will be getting new one, brags about his motorbike na parang siya ang nagbabayad and one time nagalit siya sa kapatid niya kasi ayaw magcontribute pang-down for installment sa motor. He lectures his sister kung paano palakihin at disiplinahin iyong anak niya where in fact wala naman siyang experience paano palakihin ang anak. He held a grudge with his kuya.
I'm losing trust of him and I do not share my personal life with him because I knew how judgemental he is. I am not seeking his approval or anything. It's just that he is too draining to be with. Mabigat siyang kasama. I do not see him as my friend if he continue to be like that. I did not communicate with him on what I am feeling pero dinaan ko sa one-on-one talk with him to check his perspective. Ang hirap niyang pakisamahan. I am worried sa magiging future partner niya because she has to deal all of his drama.
I do not wish with end of the friendship but pero hindi rin ako magugulat. I wish him well in life. ABYG?

Background: My (20F) Mother(50ish,F) and I have been estranged since I was 17, I had to change schools and move in with other family because of her (as advised by CPS). I have a cordial phone call with her about every other month, but I can't imagine our relationship improving. My best friends family has practically taken me in now, I'm a student and things are going pretty well for me now, but I'm not over what happened.
My Brother (26M), who we'll call Daniel and his Fiance Christine (25F) are engaged, and I'm very happy for them! We've been close as we've grown older, although Daniel is a lot more forgiving twords our mom, even praising her for her good points. Maybe I'm just not ready to have that sort of attitude yet. The three of us have talked a lot about our childhood experiences as well, so Cristine is mostly aware of how I feel and what happened.
Now, I'm in the bridal party and we're going to be closer than ever but there's something bothering me. Christine seems to LOVE our mom. Maybe it's normal to be proud of becoming your partners family, but I can't help feel wildly uncomfortable when she talks about calling with her and sending her presents, and planning future spa days together. I guess it's not a very deep relationship either, and it's not my place anyway, but I still think I should say something to Christine. Is it a reasonable ask for her to not be so friendly? Or to not talk to/ about our Mom? When I talked to my best friend about everything he (19M) was in disbelief, and thought maybe Christine was joking about sending our mom presents. Is it that unbelievable? Or am I overreacting...
TLDR: future SIL is becoming close with my estranged Mother while Knowing how bad our relationship is, I'm a bridesmaid. Should I say something?

I’m thinking of going to the KPMP location for American flyers. Their airline pilot program interests me. They quoted me 75-80k to go from inst-cfii I currently have my ppl and want to get everything done with as quick as I can no I don’t want to go to a mom and pop and do it for less but 4 years longer. Rather just rip the bandaid off plus I don’t have the luxury of time don’t wanna be getting into my aviation career at 35 with 0 seniority. Question is how did you guys pay for it. They loveee to push Sallie Mae it seems like when I spoke with them I haven’t applied for Sallie Mae cause current rates for 13-16%? That’s criminal. So for the American flyer students how did you guys pay for it. If you did Sallie Mae how’s the repayment looking

So, very messy and very long situation incoming. I am new to this, never posted before, but I’m going to try and be as all encompassing as possible. I feel there is a lot of context needed to make sure that no one is being misrepresented as I truly want to know if we’re in the wrong.
Essentially, back in April of this year (which feels much further away than it actually is), my wife (26F) and I (29F) got married. I’m American and she’s from another country, we’ve been together for a bit over 3 years and engaged since September 2023. Since we have no way to legally live together at this time, we decided she would come visit me for a few months so we could get a feel for it as much as possible before getting married and officially moving in together.
This was also something we agreed to do to put her parents’ minds at ease. For some more context, when we first started dating, she was not living at home/in her home country. Therefore, this meant when I would visit her, there weren’t any opportunities to meet up with her family (parents and brothers). We attempted offering to do video calls with them or even fly them over for her birthday when we knew I’d be visiting, but they always declined saying they felt calls would be awkward or that they couldn’t take off work to visit (understandable, but we did try to give several months warning and I know they’ve visited my partner there before).
Finally, last year, when my partner was in the process of moving back home, I was able to book a couple weeks off of work and go visit hemeet her family. I was extremely nervous as I’d never met the parents before and I know my own family means a lot to me and I knew then I wanted to marry my then girlfriend, so to me it was basically meeting my in-laws.
Throughout the trip we didn’t talk all that much and they didn’t ask me too many questions, but they seemed perfectly nice and I thought things were going well. Towards the end of the trip, my wife proposed to me and I said yes. This was something we’d been talking about for a while and I was super excited to move forward.
The next day, when she told her folks, they did NOT take it well, even going so far as to say she was confused (about her sexuality). I was not privy to this conversation, so I don’t want to misquote by adding anything else. More context: they knew my wife had purchased a ring and intended to propose. Needless to say, the next few days were ROUGH, but her parents were still pleasant to my face. Her and I ended up going to a different city for the last few days of my trip (which was previously planned) but we were both extremely upset and her guilt-ridden for upsetting her folks.
After that trip, things started to relax a little, bit by bit and we were eventually back to normal. We did all we could (mostly my wife did the leg work as I didn’t want to cross any boundaries) to make her parents feel more comfortable about the plan moving forward, at the time we were considering a fiancée visa since we were, y’know, fiancees lol. She walked them through the timeline and they still weren’t super comfy with it since I’d only met them once (understandable, I think) and we’d not yet lived together. So, we told them we’d have my partner come stay with me for a few months since she wasn’t working and I have an apartment, job, and cats I can’t leave. From what I understand, they liked that idea.
Flash forward to the past few months. She came to stay with me and at the beginning of her 3rd month here we had a consultation with an immigration attorney. In the consultation, the attorney said we’d be better off getting married since nothing was holding us back (like kids, prev. marriages, etc.) as the process is less invasive and we’re working towards marriage anyway. At this point, there were only about 3 or so weeks left in the trip and we had to make a decision as to whether we wanted to wait even longer to start the journey, or get married and start moving forward (this process will take over a year as is).
Ultimately, we decided that we didn’t want to have to keep waiting. We love each other, want to be married, and want to start our lives together. So we did it, we got married! It was a very small ceremony in my brother’s apartment since my step-sister is ordained and we were able to forgo trying to get a date at the courthouse on short notice – meaning we had wifi we could patch people in on Zoom from my wife’s side as well.
Now, here is the issue. Throughout this few week process leading up to the wedding from meeting with the attorney, my partner’s family (parents and brothers) all made it clear they did not approve of the marriage and thought she was “making a mistake”. They also said they wanted to be excited for my partner but just couldn’t be, and asked us to postpone the wedding until later in the year so that they could adjust/come to terms with it/be excited for her. They also made comments about getting married without her family there, which we did feel bad about. We attempted to offer and fly them over (they couldn’t due to work schedules) but we did provide them with the link to the live call. We also made it clear that while we are getting married, we still want to have a larger “wedding” later so that we can celebrate with all our family and friends together (which we intend to have in my partner’s home country). At the wedding, all of her friends signed onto the Zoom and only one of her brothers showed up, not her parents or other brother.
There were several moments leading up to the wedding where we nearly didn’t go through with it because she was so torn up at the fact her family was so upset she was getting married. Trying to help take something off her plate with making a decision, I called it and said maybe we shouldn’t right now. We’ve made it long distance for so long and I would do absolutely anything for her, including wait another 2-3 years before we can realistically be married and live life together. I just didn’t want her to hurt. But ultimately, saying we wouldn’t only made things harder and we kept coming back to it being what we want to do.
Aside from her family, everyone else was super supportive (my family & friends, all of her life long friends). We are happy to be moving forward, no question. Neither of us regret doing it and I’m so happy to finally be married to the love of my life, even as she needs to be on the other side of the world. But as she’s had to return home in the meantime while visas are in process, things have been rough. Her folks haven’t brought up the marriage and when talking to her one brother tonight, he told her everyone has been super upset and not coping well. He explained that her mom was hurt about not being included in the wedding and severely depressed. He also explained her other brother has just been angry. This eventually led to a long conversation with her family. Apparently her parents wanted to join and had intended to but didn't know the exact time or that when the link was sent it was go time. The ceremony literally lasted for two minutes and she said goodbye to everyone on the stream pretty quick because the time difference meant it was late for them. Her brother made it clear that he thought she should have done more like call them or wait until they joined. She was really hurt and the stress was taking a toll in the lead up to the day. She thought they had the information and hadn't wanted to be there. Things remain tense, this literally just happened, but they have said they love her unconditionally and want to move forward but just don't know how.
My wife feels like we could have done more to prevent these feelings being hurt and is dealing with so much guilt. I feel like we did what was right for us and we continuously reassured them that I would still be visiting while we wait for visas to process and that it means a lot to me that we have a good relationship and that they get to know me and my family. I even reached out to her mother via text apologizing about how things were happening, but assuring them that I still want to know them. They didn’t respond. I don’t know, I feel like we just did what was right for us as a couple. Long distance is hard, we want to be together, we love each other and want to be married, and we’re still going to have another larger wedding in the future. But at the same time, I don’t want people to feel excluded or deeply depressed due to our marriage, especially my wife’s family.
Are we the assholes for going through with the marriage right now instead of postponing like they asked?

Today almost marks 1 week since our results came out and my teachers were happy with my results Frick even my relatives are very happy with my results (My cousins are the best, they support me a lot) except ofc my parents 👍
So where do I start, I'm an average student nothing special or anything general category, pcm student, (was healthy till 10th) did my coaching from a centre near me and got not too bad results.
I got 93 in boards and I was happy because I expected 80 below because that was my average in preboards and then came my mom(she is a computer teacher btw) saying that I'm a failure and I'm a disappointment 👍 because apparently one of her friends daughter got 94 without STUDYING FOR BOARDS. Yep you heard it right and she is a pcb student worst of all. I was heartbroken hearing this from my mom but then I realised that I was so done with this sh**. And then my dad ofc, he was initially happy with my results but then this co worker started putting their kids result on WhatsApp(obviously) and one guy got 96 and he taunts me by showing his photo and saying that I could have done better and got 99 because I when to coaching. And this has been going for a week rn.
They care for me on every other things but they are never happy with my results. I got 96.7 in jee and they didn't even care and only kept boasting about some kids result they saw in the newspaper. They were always disappoint in me and I studied day and night ruining my health to the point I can't sleep for 6 hours straight now because I'm so used to sleeping for 3-4 hours that my body autonomously wakes up between 3:30 and 4 if I sleep at 12. Yet they never appreciate my hardwork and only keeps insulting me. They're the sweetest on every other aspect believe me but on this I've always been unhappy about how they act.
Thing is they boast about me to others because I when to coaching and them blame me when I don't reach their big expectations while I've always been humble (because I have learned it the hard way in 10th) and just wants to be an average student.
Life is tiring rn but gotta live through it ig
Thanks for listening to my rant because wanted to let everything out after having it enough for a week.

I (23 F) have been dating my bf (25 M) for 3 years. We have made plans together to get engaged this year as I have extreme anxiety and do not do well with surprises.
My boyfriend wanted to make sure that he had my dad's (45 M) blessing, who replied "sure I guess." The following day, my dad goes and buys a ring and proposes to his girlfriend (32 F) without any warning to me or my sisters who all have a close relationship with him. We all feel really blindsided, but of course are happy for them.
He has been dating his gf for around 2 years, but has repeatedly said he didn't want to get married again after how bad his marriage was to my mom. The ring didn't even fit his gf's pinky, it was way too small.
I am of course happy for him, but I feel like the timing and circumstances are really weird. Am I just reading into things too much or is this actually weird???