Such romatic to say to gf

I recently wrote the post about being worried about leaving my Muslim girlfriend because of the difference. I got a bunch of advice and amazing advice but I just wanted to give an update of how strong Jesus and God is. In the matter of a few short days of talking to my girlfriend teaching her about God, teaching her the love and sacrifice Jesus gave for her. Teaching her the reality of Islam how it contradicts itself and opening her eyes to the reality that Muhammad was a man who had sex with a child, killed many people, enslaved people. How Allah lied to his own people. How the Quran justifies the rape of women so long as the mans hand posses it. How enslaved women have no right over their body. It opened her eyes up to so much and it really caught her off guard. She started to listen to me more and more about Christ. She has a bad relationship with her Muslim family who are quite horrible to her and has been wanting to leave. I've never seen such a strong women. She has accepted that if she comes to God she will be disowned and has accepted that they will look down upon her. She wants to go to church with me and read the bible. She is starting to feel the love of God. It is amazing to see how strong she is and how much her eyes has opened to Christ. We have had deep talks about what would happen if she converts to Christianity and for a young woman accepting that she will lose her family for Christ I have never seen someone so happy to do so. She is so happy to learn about Jesus and God. She is beyond excited to go to church and start learning the bible with me. Lot is yet to come but I'm beyond excited to help teach and guide my gf to Christ. I am so happy for the future and this journey. Just wanted to say thank you and show how strong the love of Christ is. I could also tell she was off about Islam because she was talking to me a Christian and with my help she has found God and ready to accept his love. Just wanted to say this as our journey begins learning the bible and helping her build her relationship with God. Thank you all for everything.

My girlfriend and I have been together for five years. Alcohol has always played a large part in our relationship. We drink together a lot when we hang out. We met in college. I’ve had problems with drinking in the past particularly in social situations. Lately (over last year maybe longer) my binge drinking has improved slightly and my behavior while drunk is better albeit not perfect. She tends to get very angry when she drinks to excess and this manifests itself in poor behavior towards me such as attempting to make me angry or jealous or in one case hurt me pretty badly by cutting me with a piece of a coffee cup she threw at me (lots of bloods still have scar.) I know I am not blameless in this as I like to drink with her and can be irritating. I had previously told her (after the cup incident) that if she ever hurts me like that again our relationship will be finished. About two weeks ago we were apart all weekend and she drank with her parents and called me. We got into an argument regarding how we would deal with a potentially bad kid if we were to have one (we don’t have children.) she insulted me called me names and yelled at me.
This weekend I had to work at night on Thursday and I had taken off Friday to go to her school so she could work on my teeth for 8 hours. She is studying to work in the dental field so she uses me for her lab classes sometimes. I drove the four hours (they sent me to work on a job far away it’s been hard on both of us) and slept for about two hours then went to her class. She expressed gratitude. I was tired from working at night and driving so we were not intimate this weekend which I think upset her. We then attended a wedding for one of her family friends. I don’t really like parties as I feel uncomfortable around lots of people but I was happy enough to go for her. The evening was going ok, we were both drinking, and I saw her with another man and for some inexplicable reason didn’t like what I saw. I’m usually not like this, looking back on it I had no reason to feel this way and I regret it. She is a very loyal girlfriend and these feelings were unwarranted. She seemed to catch on to what I was feeling. Later in the night I had terrible gas and I farted on the bus back to the hotel, i tried to hold it in but I couldn’t. It stank terribly and I was ashamed. The whole bus commented on it and I admitted to it as I felt it was obvious to everyone who did it. We get back to the room and she is upset about the fart and starts berating me. I am remorseful about the fart and apologized profusely both during the bus ride and to her privately at the hotel. She is having none of it, she’s very upset. She then tells me she wants to have sex with me as we haven’t done it all weekend and haven’t seen each other all week. I am not hard when she says it, when she figures this out she begins to berate me worse. She questions my sexuality (I’m heterosexual) calls me rude names for coward and mocks me for what she perceived as jealousy towards her and her friends at the wedding service. This is not helping the not being hard thing and I’m not particularly driven to have sex with her because she has hurt my feelings. I am utterly humiliated at this point and feel very bad. She falls asleep. I leave the room without waking her and I drive back to the hotel that work has for me near the job (4 hours drive.)
I arrive at where I live during the week to about sixty missed calls and texts from her asking where I am and if I’m alive. I take the worst shit of my whole life and sleep for a few hours (I’m still exhausted and have been all weekend.) then I tell her I’m not sure I want to continue our relationship because of her actions towards me the previous night. She’s upset but understands. She is now apologizing profusely and begging me not to break up with her and swearing to stop drinking entirely. I believe she will do that for a while at least if I asked her to. I told her I’d like time to think about it.
I really love this woman and we have many good times together I don’t want to end our relationship. I feel very conflicted about it. She’s usually very nice and polite (my family loves her.) we only argue like this when we drink and she has promised to stop drinking entirely. That being said, I know I am not perfect but I also know I don’t deserve to be treated the way she treats me sometimes and I resent her for it (degrading me verbally and the time she cut me.)
I would like to hear other people’s opinions on my situation. I am lost and feel alone with this. Should I work with her to help her change even though I know it’ll be a process in which I will likely suffer more while she works to change? Should I end things with her despite her promise to be better?
TLDR my 27m gf 25f is very great but becomes mean sometimes when she drinks (verbally/ physically.) I need advice on what to do.

i (F20) have been talking to this guy online (M22) for almost a year now. everything was perfect in the beginning. we developed such a deep connection. but as the months have gone by, i have seen his true self and who he is as a person. i want to remove him off of social media and never talk to him ever again. even though he may have done some things to hurt me in the past, there’s still part of me that deeply cares about him which makes this so hard.
when we first started talking, i thought he was different from all the other guys i had talked to. he made me feel as if i was the only girl in the world. he was my dream guy. he did everything right in the beginning. but as time went on, things started to shift.

1. he would like and follow random girls on instagram weekly and would make up some lame excuses saying either it’s his friends gf (when it wasn’t) or that he just wants more followers.
   
2. there’s been times in the past when he has gone out with his friends to the bars and he would drunk FaceTime me saying that there’s so many attractive women at the bar and that he wants to fuck them.
   
3. he claimed that I’m the only girl that he talks to, but there have been multiple girls from his city who popped up on my quick add on Snapchat.
   
4. there’s been times where at night he would randomly turn off his location and he wouldn’t text me until the next morning.
   
5. sometimes i would be left on delivered on Snapchat but his snapscore would continue to go up.
   
6. there’s been times where he would go out with his friends to the bars and would post on his private story him and his friends at some random girls house. and when i questioned him who those girls are, he would ignore me and remove me OFF HIS PRIVATE.
   
7. in he beginning, we would FaceTime every night and talk about our days. but for the past couple of months, he’s really only ever FaceTimed me when he’s drinking or completely drunk. and when i wanted to ft, he’d make up excuses saying that he’s too tired, playing video games, listening to music, etc.
   
8. he used to give me compliments and save my selfies that i sent him but lately he just hasn’t been doing any of that.
   
9. he doesn’t ask me how my day is or how im doing mentally. I’m the one always checking in on him but he never does it back to me.
   
10. about a month ago, he had removed me off Snapchat and took me off his instagram. he did this because i would question why he followed those random girls. we ended up not talking for 3 days.
    

i don’t know if i can fully remove him off of everything all at once (even tho i know i should). where should i start? i am still very attached to him which makes this difficult. how do i get over him? what do i do?!
TLDR - I’m in a situationship with this guy (M22) who i (F20) met online. we have been talking for almost a year now. he’s done so many things to hurt me and he never seems to actually care. i know i should remove him off of everything but it’s so hard because deep down inside of me i still care about him. he’s the first guy that i formed a deep connection with. how do i bring myself to remove him off of everything even though im very much so attached? how do i get over him? what should i do?

My bf and I have been together for 2 years, friends for 3 years. We've been long distance for the past year, visiting each other every few months, and we're both generally very happy, facetiming every day and communicating everything.
Context about our argument: Recently, a common friend, Paul (22m), has started living with two other friends (we're all students in our early twenties) in a flat in Dublin, and my bf was very excitedly telling me about how fun it is going to be for them and for him when he visits. I agreed with him, but I asked about about Paul's girlfriend (22f), who also lives in Dublin and attends the same college as Paul, as I found strange that they hadn't decided to move in together after 2 years of dating. Paul and his gf are very well off and could definetely afford to live anywhere (she currently lives alone), so it's not a matter of price. My bf didn't know why they hadn't chosen that, and we left it at that, as I was just curious to know the situation.
However, this conversation led us to talk about big relationship decisions such as moving in together, with my bf finally saying that if we both ever lived in the same city as his friends he would choose to live with them over living with me, as he "has never had the experience of living with friends" and we "can live together in the future". I was shocked to hear this, as I would choose living with him in any possible scenario, building a space and a life together. He then said that if this scenario became real he might change his mind if he saw me upset, and I finally told him that for me not being immediately in the same page about these types of things meant we want different things.
He doesn't want to talk about this anymore and says I'm being unreasonable and that he is younger than me and has a different outlook on life. I appreciate any advice!

All my friends and loved ones know I’m chronically 15-30min late to most things unless they’re super important like a doctor’s appointment or something. It’s never intentional of course, the only way I can avoid it is if I have all day to get ready or if I set alarms to go off every 5-10 min to keep myself on time.
Well I stupidly agreed to drive my roommate to work this morning before an art tabling event with my girlfriend and our friends. I almost made us late because… well frankly I don’t know why I still made us late I thought I was moving fast enough but that’s time blindness for you I guess.
My gf was frustrated with me bc I was so sure the night before that we were going to be on time. She’s not still mad or anything but idk, I’ve had a lot of friends drop me in the past for being “too autistic” or “too openly gay” so there’s a lot of paranoia there. My anxiety brain keeps saying she’s gonna leave me for being such a burden. But she’d never think that.
Idk. I just needed to vent bc I feel rly alone right now. I already expressed my feelings to her a bit and she was sympathetic bc she’s amazing. But I’ve been extra sensitive from unpacking trauma lately (cPTSD diagnosis) so it’s probably just me being overly sensitive and I should just move on.
I’d appreciate any kind words from folks who know how disabling and terrible time blindness feels.

Trigger warning, mental health topics like suicide. Thanks for reading this. I filed for divorce back in Nov because my husband’s mental health was not improving and he was getting more abusive towards me and his disabled 10 year old son (whom I adopted). We had spent Oct apart to see how a split would be and I felt my like was more peaceful. His mental health continued to decline and this culminated in a bad episode where he screamed and cursed at me then threatened to kill himself in front of our son. I got us out and called the police and they took him to the hospital. After getting out, he was not allowed to see my son other than at supervised visitation locations or to come to the house.
He went out of state to stay with family, then found an inpatient treatment center in Cali. We agreed that I would hold off with the divorce to allow him to use the health ins and focus on treatment full time while I took care of our son and worked full time. During this time, he would still try to flirt with me and say he still loves me, etc. I turned him down and eventually his advances stopped and I hoped he was focusing on recovery. The first treatment center was not good (understaffed, false advertising, etc.) so he then moved to an intensive outpatient center that he had found nearby.
He started saying that he wanted to move to Cali because of state programs and lifestyle. I was annoyed that he would be so far from our son, leaving me with full time care, but he had never been very reliable or responsible. He said he was depressed and his calls grew less frequent. However, I foolishly started harboring a small hope that he would actually get better and come back to our family.
He told me about a month ago that he was being released. He mentioned randomly wanting to move to the same town where the treatment center was located. This bothered me, why there? On the day he was released, I figured it out…there must be a woman. I confronted him and he said he had a gf but they broke up. I was immediately DEVASTATED. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t understand how he could be so immature and selfish to do this while he was supposed to be focusing full time on treatment. He acted like I was over-reacting and I spent hours texting him and explaining my concerns, such as, what if she ends up pregnant? He continued to act like I was overreacting, that his treatment was not affected, that trauma bonding between patients is common, etc. I pivoted in our divorce to continue requiring supervised visits as I could not trust his recovery. I also started having intrusive thoughts about the woman, who I found out was another patient. I grew extremely jealous. I spent time trying to convince him not to abandon our son and move across the country. We ended up spending countless hours talking and going over our communication issues, he finally apologized profusely, took accountability for fucking up, and was somewhat friendly. He said the relationship with the other patient was toxic and completely over. He said I had made it pretty clear after Oct and by filing divorce that our relationship was completely over, if he had known that there was still some hope, or how much this would have hurt me, that he would have made different decisions.
He arrived back in town on Wed. I spent the evening talking to him, and the is point my desire to rekindle something was embarrassingly full tilt, he was soo much calmer and collected but also very distant. We spent more time together and I grew more confused. I finally confessed to him yesterday that I wanted to try and see if anything was left of our relationship before filing the final papers. The extra draw to it for him would be the financial stability and support I am capable of providing. We talked on the phone and he said it was all too fresh and too much, as I have the house he is basically on the verge of being homeless and is jobless. But he said he was open to discussing it further.
Fast forward to last night, he exercised a supervised visitation with my son and we talked briefly after. He told me he needed to tell me something, that his ex-gf from the facility was indeed pregnant. I almost threw up. I am 38 and wanted kids with him, but our relationship was never stable enough emotionally or financially to try. I asked if she was going to keep it and he said at first no but now she was changing her mind. She is still a patient at the treatment center and is there bc of a recent suicide attempt. The whole thing makes me feel so ill.
The icing on the cake was last night, when he indicated that he had stipulations for getting back together with her. When I wanted to get back with him he was unsure (he already knew she was pregnant), but potentially wanted to go back to her. That was the final straw for me, I really lost it on him. He was already thinking about abandoning his living son to go live with this woman, now they will have a baby. But now I can’t sleep or eat or do anything. My life feels like a Jerry Springer episode, but I am a responsible, kind, hardworking person who did so much for my husband for years, including saving his son from his abusive, drug-addicted, ex-wife and raising him as my own. I know I made choices here too that led to this mess, but I have never felt this hurt and lost before. I am trying to seek out more therapy, etc, but nothing seems to be helping yet.

First of all congrats to all 2024 graduates.
This is a long one so yea. My dad has always been a pretty much absent father. Especially financially, with my mom buying us everything we’ve needed , we being my sister and I. I have vivid memories of my dad calling and saying he’s come pick us up for us to spend time with him, only for him to arrive at 10 PM to give us a $10 bill and kiss good bye. we saw him occasionally. We’ve maybe been with a total of 10-20 times throughout the entirety our lives. But as we got older we realized that we weren’t a priority of his.
Right around when COVID hit though my dad began to come around a lot more. But not in the way u may be thinking. See my dad got into hard drugs, with his then gf. Lost my baby brother to CPS, and was basically homeless. So he invited himself to our home, sleeping in my moms car at night and sometimes my mom being the god send that she is was nice enough to let him come in and eat when it got colder out. This was the worst time of my life concerning my father . I saw him in a completely different light and thought very little of him. It just completely stunned me that the only way my dad would come to see his kids is if he had nowhere else to go. He , as most drug addicts was in and out of jail, until one time when he had to stay for a few months longer , and then spent a few months in a halfway house. All throughout this and before my mom never really spoke ill of my father , unless she was arguing with him about some bull shit he was doing while being a druggy and hanging around our house, like doing drugs in our basement. But she always encouraged or even forced us to communicate with him, and try to forgive/ build a relationship with him. Aswell as countless times of my mom helping this man. Giving him money, rides, clothes, and wtv else he asked for.
Well after my dad went to jail that last time and was in the halfway house, he came out a new man. He kicked his drug habit, got his CDL license and was doing great. My sister and I were very proud of him and wanted to give him another chance. We spent 4th of July with him, and hung out with him a couple more times just driving around in his car. And just in general we’re a little closer and more communicative.
Fast forward to the 2 main incidents that led to him not being invited to my graduation . So as I was heading over to a friends house one day my car cut out. My mom was at work with a client (she’s a hairdresser) so I naively thought I could call my dad. He showed up took a look under my hood and realized that id need to get it towed. So I took the initiative to start calling tow companies and try to find the cheapest one. I luckily manage to find a guy that would do it for only $65 . Which if you’re an adult you know how much of an insanely good deal that is. Whilst I’m calling tow companies my dad has spent this time complaining about my moms choice in cars , and basically blaming her for my car cutting out. And also trying to call his sister so he could borrow a tool she had to just hitch my car to her truck and tow it himself. He can’t get ahold of her so I bring up the $65 tow guy. This man starts complaining saying he can do it for free and just wait for his sister to pick it up. Anothe 30 minutes go by and nothing. So i call my mom, and ask her can she cashapp me. Of course she says yes. So I call the tow man myself to get my car towed. The entire time this man is complaining about paying $65 fucking dollars, complaining about my mom buying the car , and complaining saying I hope she doesn’t expect me to pay for this. Mind you he has a CDL license, so he’s making good money and can more then afford to pay it . He paid $30,000 for his car cash and was able to save this money up for it in only a few months, so u do that math for how much he makes. At first I was ignoring him letting him talk shit. But he just kept going on and on and on, and I finally snapped and told him to stop talking about my mom and began defending her. We got into a heated argument that ended with him saying don’t ask him for anything, and me assuring him that I won’t. I had started crying because of how frustrated I was at the situation . I was asking something so little of him and this is how he acted? And he made fun of that saying “I’m not going to cry about it either” this was the last straw and I vowed to never reach out to him again.
I kept that vow despite my moms continuous efforts to get me to talk to him/ unblock him/ forgive him , but I was done. My 18th birthday roles around a few months later. And I decided to be nice and invite him, my thought process was I’m going to college soon , and won’t see him for probably the 4 yrs that id be gone away to school. So why not just try. I didn’t ask this man for anything and just told him where the place of my party was. The time comes and my mom and I are a little late to my party about 10-15 minutes late to getting to the place. He begins texting me asking where we are , and I say we’re a few minutes late, but otw and just resend the address . He starts making excuses saying oh he has work he has to go and wtv else. I say ok that’s fine . He says oh I have a gift I wanted to give you. I say oh you could bring it later when ur off or we could meet somewhere for me to get it tmrw. The next day roles around and I ask him if he worked today and when I could meet him to get the gift. Then he starts talking bs saying, oh I already gave it to ur mom, with the child support card. I’m thinkin oh maybe he can put more money on it and did that for me , for my bday. But no he was referring to the money he is mandated to pay by the state , which he just began paying for the last year or he so he’d been driving trucks. So once I realized this I decided to tell him how bad of a father he was, and yes I did disrespect him and curse him out and I didn’t care. This was really the final straw and I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. And that I did. This is where he really fucked up though. He texted my mom saying to give me the childsupprt card for my bday. My mom uses the $400/ month he pays for our utilities and has them on autopay. And idrc what anyone thinks about that I think it’s a very appropriate use of it. Especially since she pays for wtv else we need and want with no complaints . So she tells him it’s sad that has nothing to give his daughter on her 18th birthday and not to text her phone with the bs telling her what to do with the money. Ig this upsets him because he brings up something’s of my moms past , during a time that was really hard for her. And that was it for my mom. She cut him off too, and though she has not hate for him, she says she’s done allowing people in her life that do nothing but take advantage of and disrespect her. I was relieved to finally have my mother stop pressuring me to spend time with my father, and happy to be done with the stress and pain that he usually causes when he’s around.
Fast forward to now , my Graduation was last week. I only had 8 tickets . And I had already decided to give tickets to my grandma , her 5 kids (my mom , aunts , and uncles) my sister and my favorite cousin. A few days before the graduation whilst at school, a teacher pulls me aside and asks me did Ik my dad tried to come up to my school to get a graduation ticket . I laughed this off. The day of my graduation comes and I find out he was at the place of the graduation trying to find me. I was relieved that we didn’t bump into one another because I truthfully don’t want to see him. But later I felt a little bad when thinking about how he tried to come to the school then still came to the graduation despite not being let in obviously for the lack of a ticket. I don’t know why but my mom is in the same boat feeling guilty that he wasn’t let in on such a big moment. And has began some of her old antics of saying oh can he come to ur graduation party (not the ceremony but a family celebration) my guilt however doesn’t extend this far, and I just can’t give this man yet another opportunity to disappoint me. So what do you think Reddit , am I the asshole?

Okay so to start with the story me (M26) and my GF(F22) have been together for the last 2 months, She has been cheated on in her previous relationship and so have I. I have assured her I know what the pain feels like and would never want to put her through such. Fats forward to last Night we haven't seen each other for the last 4 days as i was on a 2 day trip to renew my passport and she was attending a 4 day dance comp with her parents. We decided to meet up after that. She came over and went straight into the bathroom. She was in there for quite a bit so i started getting worried, i go in and she is sat on the floor crying, I asked what was going on and she told me she found a singular strand of green hair in the bathroom and proceeds to ask me who it belongs to, at this point i was shocked and a little bit upset. I said i don't know and i have no idea where it came from, she gets upset, starts screaming and accusing me of cheating on Her, at this point I'm still trying to make her think Logically as within the past 4 days we were apart I have had almost zero time where I'm not on the phone with her, in transit or asleep. I try to calm her down but she keeps screaming, i get upset too and start saying things like she's not being rational etc. She tries to leave i try to stop her by blocking the door, she threatens to scream even more, I let her go.
5 mins later i go downstairs and she's still there, I tried to talk to her she screams FUCK OFF and walks away. At this point I'm fed up so i just go back to my apartment. She has proceeded to block me everywhere this morning.
I actually have no idea where the hair came from, I haven't been unfaithful to her, I moved into this apartment at the start of the month and she literally is the only person I have had over, i have 2 cats that have access to the bathroom, a bunch of plants but nothing in that shade of green.
I don't know what to do now to prove my innocence or where the hair came from and i am feeling bad for getting upset

My girlfriend and I were together for two years, part of it was long distance. We were previously good friends for 5 years, then she was the one that caught feelings and pursued me first. During our relationship she always told me things like “I’m the one”, we talked about how we would get married and grow old together, she made so many promises that she was 100% sure of me and that she’d never leave. She would say things like “we’ve known each other in every lifetime”. We got together even though I was leaving for a masters study, she said she thought she’d never do long distance again but for me it was worth it, bc she was 100% sure I’m the guy she wants. I left a week after we got together, and I was gone for about a year. During that time we visited once a month, it was always great. I eventually moved back and we spent another year together in person. I’m sorry if this post is too long.
She ended things about a month ago. During the breakup she gave me very vague answers so I couldn’t get the closure I needed. I decided to reach out a week after the breakup to ask why she did it, and what she said killed me inside.
She said that she knew we were compatible and I’m an amazing person but felt like she was settling for me, and she didn’t want to live her life like that when she thinks she can find something better. She said she believes in that soulmate connection with one person when you know deep inside you that this is “it”, and she didn’t feel like that with me, she didn’t think I was “it”. But we did say to each other during the relationship that this was “it”, she told me so many times that I’m the one, so I don’t know how a flip just switched in her brain. She also said she realized she didn’t love me in the way “real love” is, and maybe she just loved the idea of me. She said she always felt the need to be accepted and loved by people and I made her feel like that. She said when you truly love someone you’d sacrifice things for them, and she wouldn’t sacrifice things for me. She said she was forcing herself to be comfortable around me, and it wasn’t the type of comfort that it should be with “the one”.
How the fuck does it take you two years to realize you don’t love someone in the way “real love” is? Especially after all the emotional intimacy we shared. How could you be uncomfortable with me? I was her first kiss, her first hand hold, she said she was saving those things for the right person and she did them with me. Why would she feel like shes settling for me when she’s the one that pursued me first? She went all out to “get me” and be in a relationship with me. Am I really the type of guy that gets settled for? That hurts like hell. She said she was having all these thoughts during the last 4 months of the relationship. But literally a month ago, I felt that she’s been a bit cold, and I asked if everything was okay. She said “nothings wrong, I’ve been really stressed with school/work. But nothings wrong with us, maybe something’s just wrong with me with all the stress. But we’re good, that doesn’t mean I don’t love you or that I’d ever give up on us, I’d never do that. Don’t worry I still love you and I’ll always be here.” She said that word for word. So she was lying to me? Why would you lie instead of communicating openly? If she had told me she was having those thoughts it would’ve been easier for me, but she gave me that reassurance and then blindsided me a month later. I told her it’s normal to lose feelings in a relationship after a while, that eventually that initial spark or honeymoon phase ends, and that’s when the real relationship starts and you work on building a life together. Love eventually becomes a choice and not just a feeling. But she said she wouldn’t lose feelings with the right person. Now I’m the wrong person when she literally told me a million times that we were always meant for each other. I told her I think she’ll end up being disappointed when she realizes there is no “one” person that gives you that magical feeling for life, you eventually reach a point where you have to choose that person everyday. Relationships are hard and most of them end up losing that initial spark, but it’s an opportunity for a new kind of love to blossom, a love based off commitment and loyalty to each other. That’s the only way a relationship can last forever. And during our relationship we even acknowledged that fact together and we told each other that if the feelings fade we will always choose each other no matter what happens. It makes no sense to me. And if she actually lost feelings and fell out of love, that’s fine. But to say she never loved me in the way “real love” is, that makes no sense to me and it’s killing me inside. Have I just been blind and stupid the entire relationship? How does it take TWO YEARS to realize that? She said to me, “maybe you can choose someone and settle for them and learn to love them, but I believe there’s one person out there that is meant for me and when I find them I will know it deep inside me.” Yea, I believed that too. I believed it because I thought it was you. Just because I chose you doesn’t mean I’m settling for you or learning to love you. I thought you were meant for me. It’s so ridiculous I don’t understand, she used to be so sure that I was the one, she knew it deep inside her that I was. And now she’s saying that when she finds it, she’ll know. Well you knew it with me and now you don’t.
Part of me understands why she lost feelings, we didn’t really have a strong base. We were together for only a week before I left for a year. I feel like it wasn’t enough time for the physical attraction to build up and to get to know each other in person. By the time we visited each other, a lot of time had passed and the spark wasn’t the same as the beginning, it was kinda awkward at first. We got into a serious committed relationship talking about future marriage, before we ever hugged each other. She was scared to kiss me, maybe that’s why she said she was forcing herself to be comfortable. But eventually we kissed and it was great. During the visits it felt like everything was going great and that our relationship was getting stronger. I didn’t think that she was uncomfortable. I feel like if we had done all the intimate things in the beginning, we would have a base to build off of and the spark would be alive.
Also I keep blaming myself and wondering what I did wrong. I’m just certain that it’s my fault, that I made her lose attraction. Maybe I wasn’t manly enough or attractive enough. Maybe I was too boring or uninteresting or too “stable”. Being in love with someone basically means you have to be sexually attracted to them first, that’s what separates family love from romantic love. Maybe I didn’t do enough to keep her attracted to me, so she felt like she lost feelings. It was really hard with the distance. I tried, I really tried. I would always flirt and tease her, I tried not to let the relationship feel like it was a platonic friendship over time. I was always confident and “manly” with her, I stood my ground when she did things I didn’t like, I wasn’t needy. We sexted and video called all the time. I always planned amazing dates. I tried to keep the fun alive. I don’t know what else I could’ve done to keep her attracted. I truly feel like if we had been in person the whole time, it would’ve worked and she would’ve still been attracted to me. It’s just different when you’re there physically. But we both knew this, we acknowledged that it was gonna be hard and the feelings may fade, but we said we’d always choose each other no matter what. Maybe it was inevitable with the distance, but at the end she said it wasn’t because of the distance, she believes with the right person the distance wouldn’t matter. So I just wasn’t the right person for her, I was for a while, but I let her lose attraction for me. Your view on love and attraction may differ, but I learned that it’s the guy’s responsibility to keep a woman attracted, it’s about how he acts and behaves that keeps her attracted. So it’s my fault she lost attraction, it’s something I did. For example when I look back at the first visit, a mistake I made was asking to kiss her instead of just going for it. She said no, maybe because I came off as unconfident and that turned her off. I was so nervous during the first visit because there was so much expectation built up inside my head. Maybe that prevented me from being able to genuinely enjoy myself around her and attract her. Eventually though, we got comfortable with each other and we kissed and it was great. I felt the spark was there. I don’t think she met someone else, I asked her and she said no. Yea maybe she could’ve lied, but i know her and I don’t think she would do that. She said “you know me, I would never allow myself to do that while I’m in a relationship. The reasons are solely because I don’t feel in love with you anymore.”
We hit a little rut near the end because we were both very busy, but I didn’t think it was concerning because she always gave reassurance and made it seem like everything is fine. It feels like shit hearing that someone was settling for me. Why wasn’t I enough? I keep looking back and thinking what I could’ve done different to keep her attracted. I keep nitpicking at myself and feeling insecure about the way I am. She was so sure of me in the beginning so I must’ve done something along the way to make her lose feelings. She let me tear my walls down and trust her fully, then she left. It feels like I’m not worthy of love because she saw something in me and decided she didn’t want me. What hurts the most is that to me, she was “it”, to me she was the one. And she said that to me too and I believed her. I felt that she truly meant it when she said that. She would tell me she was always attracted to me and had feelings during our friendship but she “locked them in a box” because she was too afraid. She even told me that I was a walking green flag and that I was perfect and I did nothing wrong. It hurts to know she thinks that yet she still decided she didn’t want me. It kills to know that one day she’ll get married, he’ll get to hold her and kiss her and have a family, and it won’t be with me. I can’t stand the thought of her being intimate with someone else. And it’s the thought that, whoever she ends up with, will be better than me in a way. She will love him more than she loved me. He will make her feel what I couldn’t make her feel. And I’m blaming myself so much that I couldn’t make her feel like that anymore. I’m grieving the future that we both planned together. I feel so betrayed, I feel like shit. Most of all I just really miss her, we knew each other for 7 years and now we’re just strangers again.
I’ve been hurt before, I’ve had a few breakups, but this one hurts the most. I don’t know what it is about this girl that makes me feel like I’ll never find anyone better. I know that time heals everything but I feel like this has damaged me on a deep level, I feel like I can’t let my walls down again. I don’t want to love again and risk getting hurt. I can’t invest myself fully into someone if I’m always afraid they’re going to blindside me. I know a breakup shouldn’t define your self worth, but it’s just the idea that the person I loved doesn’t see herself spending her life with me anymore, that makes me feel really bad. It’s the thought that she saw something in me that made her decide she doesn’t love me. She analyzed our relationship and thought “I want someone better”. The thought that it’s my fault, that it’s something I did. I didn’t have enough “game”. I couldn’t keep her attraction high. I can’t stand the idea of her getting married one day and finding her “it”. Of course I want her to be happy but I’d be lying if I said that doesn’t kill me inside.
Nobody is perfect but she was close to it. She’s such a rare breed, she had everything I wanted in a woman and it’s so hard to come by. I wish I had a reason to hate her but she’s genuinely an amazing person. She did nothing bad to me, we barely fought and when we did it was very gentle. Our entire relationship was pretty much perfect up until the end. I’ve never been with someone that was this compatible with me. She’s the kindest human, she’s intelligent, she’s very mature, she’s beautiful inside and out, she’s very warm and gentle. And the fact that she’s such a sweet and genuine person makes it way harder. If she had cheated or something I think this would’ve been easier on me, because I’d see her as a bad person. But she’s not a bad person. It hurts way more knowing that she was feeling like she wanted to end things, but at the same time she was trying to convince herself to love me, because she didn’t want to hurt me. She didn’t want to break her promises, she was trying so hard not to, but in the end she couldn’t lie to herself anymore. Why do I have to feel like someone has to convince themselves to love me? Why does someone have to force themselves to believe I’m the one? Why can’t anyone ever just truly believe it with their entire soul, that they want to be with me. When I asked for reassurance and she told me she still loved me and would never give up, she was trying to convince herself because she didn’t want to hurt me. It was all lies. Every “I love you” in the last 4 months was a lie. I feel like such an idiot that I was sitting there for the past 4 months thinking that everything was going great. She was just faking her affection the whole time. Imagine hearing that someone was forcing themselves to love you. No one was forcing you! The exit door has always been open, no one forced her to stay, no one forced her to pursue me in the first place. I told her many times that I just want truth and transparency in our relationship, yet she hid all of those things. She said she hid them because she cared about me and didn’t want to hurt me, and she was trying to make it work. But if she truly cared for me, she would know that I deserve honesty, I deserve to know the truth even if it hurts. I don’t deserve to live in a lie. If she cared for me she would let me go find someone who truly loves me, instead of just pretending to love me. By lying, she was only caring about herself, to relieve herself of the guilt. The breakup would’ve been way smoother if she just told the truth from the start, but now I feel like an idiot who sat there for 4 months thinking that everything was going well, when in reality it wasn’t.
There’s so many things I loved about her. I loved the way she cries during every movie, she thinks she’s too sensitive but I think it’s beautiful to feel your emotions that deeply. I loved the way her face lights up when she smiles. I loved how she would call me just to tell me silly little things about her day. I loved her curiosity and wonder for the universe. I loved how she would run into my arms when she saw me. She just understood me, and I understood her. I can’t hate her, I wish I could, but I just love her with all my heart. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. Even when 20 years pass and I’m over this and we’re both married to other people, I will still love her and wish the best for her. I miss her so much, I miss talking to her. I know we can't be friends, but I really wish I could still have her in my life. But I shouldn't wish that I guess, because she decided she wants to live her life without me in it. I can’t believe she could decide to lose me forever when she always said she could never live without me.
The worst part is, I reacted to the break up very emotionally. I showed how hurt I was, I wrote a long paragraph, and I brought up all the promises she made. That was a mistake, it probably killed any ounce of attraction she had left. If there was any chance of her coming back or realizing it was a mistake, I destroyed that chance. I made it look like I can’t live without her. I didn’t beg for her back at all, but I kept pushing for answers and explanations. I asked her what I did wrong and stuff, and that made me look super desperate. I should’ve just accepted the break up immediately and cut off all communication. Maybe then she would’ve thought about it, she would wonder why I wasn’t upset and have second thoughts about her decision. It would make me look more attractive in her eyes. But no I ruined it forever. Now all I want to do is salvage some respect, to make her see me as a valuable person. Not as someone who can’t live without her. Deep down I really want her to have a change of heart, I want her to feel re-attracted somehow, after having some time and space away from the situation. But I ruined her image of me. Now I’m looking back and analyzing every little thing about our relationship and wondering what I should’ve done better. I realized I made a lot of mistakes, which at the time I didn’t think were mistakes, but now looking back it’s probably my fault she lost attraction. I didn’t do enough.
I told myself during the relationship that “everything is temporary, don’t get too attached, life can change at any moment”. I know those things because I’ve learned my lessons from the past, but this is still killing me. I know almost everyone has been heartbroken, I’m nothing special, every human has been through this before. I just need to hear that it wasn’t my fault or that I’ll find someone better eventually. I’m blaming myself a lot right now and I keep thinking that she wouldn’t have left if I had been attractive enough. I generally consider myself a confident person but this has set me back a lot, it’s ruining my self esteem. Maybe I have attachment issues that I need to work on. I know that time will heal this, but right now I can’t imagine myself finding someone that’s better. I feel like the idea of “the one” has been ruined for me. I want to believe it, but I don’t think I do anymore. Even if I find another person who I think is the one, there’s always the possibility that they will change their mind. There’s always a chance that all of their words and actions were just lies. A lot of people get into relationships because they love the idea of being in love, not because they are actually in love with the person.
Thank you for reading this far, I know it’s a long post. I needed somewhere to vent, I don’t have many people to talk to. When I cry, I cry alone. And during the act of crying I start to hate myself for being such a bitch. I know it’s perfectly okay to cry and feel your emotions but it’s hard to escape the conditioning that I’m used to. I have friends and family but, I can’t express my emotions the way I did in this post. People have their own lives and worries and they don’t want to deal with someone’s silly heartbreak I guess.
TL;DR - my gf and I broke up a month ago, she said she was settling for me and that I wasn’t the “one”, even though she made promises and assured me that she wouldn’t leave. I keep blaming myself and wondering what I did wrong.

Trigger warning, mental health topics like suicide. Thanks for reading this. I filed for divorce back in Nov because my husband’s mental health was not improving and he was getting more abusive towards me and his disabled 10 year old son (whom I adopted). We had spent Oct apart to see how a split would be and I felt my like was more peaceful. His mental health continued to decline and this culminated in a bad episode where he screamed and cursed at me then threatened to kill himself in front of our son. I got us out and called the police and they took him to the hospital. After getting out, he was not allowed to see my son other than at supervised visitation locations or to come to the house.
He went out of state to stay with family, then found an inpatient treatment center in Cali. We agreed that I would hold off with the divorce to allow him to use the health ins and focus on treatment full time while I took care of our son and worked full time. During this time, he would still try to flirt with me and say he still loves me, etc. I turned him down and eventually his advances stopped and I hoped he was focusing on recovery. The first treatment center was not good (understaffed, false advertising, etc.) so he then moved to an intensive outpatient center that he had found nearby.
He started saying that he wanted to move to Cali because of state programs and lifestyle. I was annoyed that he would be so far from our son, leaving me with full time care, but he had never been very reliable or responsible. He said he was depressed and his calls grew less frequent. However, I foolishly started harboring a small hope that he would actually get better and come back to our family.
He told me about a month ago that he was being released. He mentioned randomly wanting to move to the same town where the treatment center was located. This bothered me, why there? On the day he was released, I figured it out…there must be a woman. I confronted him and he said he had a gf but they broke up. I was immediately DEVASTATED. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t understand how he could be so immature and selfish to do this while he was supposed to be focusing full time on treatment. He acted like I was over-reacting and I spent hours texting him and explaining my concerns, such as, what if she ends up pregnant? He continued to act like I was overreacting, that his treatment was not affected, that trauma bonding between patients is common, etc. I pivoted in our divorce to continue requiring supervised visits as I could not trust his recovery. I also started having intrusive thoughts about the woman, who I found out was another patient. I grew extremely jealous. I spent time trying to convince him not to abandon our son and move across the country. We ended up spending countless hours talking and going over our communication issues, he finally apologized profusely, took accountability for fucking up, and was somewhat friendly. He said the relationship with the other patient was toxic and completely over. He said I had made it pretty clear after Oct and by filing divorce that our relationship was completely over, if he had known that there was still some hope, or how much this would have hurt me, that he would have made different decisions.
He arrived back in town on Wed. I spent the evening talking to him, and the is point my desire to rekindle something was embarrassingly full tilt, he was soo much calmer and collected but also very distant. We spent more time together and I grew more confused. I finally confessed to him yesterday that I wanted to try and see if anything was left of our relationship before filing the final papers. The extra draw to it for him would be the financial stability and support I am capable of providing. We talked on the phone and he said it was all too fresh and too much, as I have the house he is basically on the verge of being homeless and is jobless. But he said he was open to discussing it further.
Fast forward to last night, he exercised a supervised visitation with my son and we talked briefly after. He told me he needed to tell me something, that his ex-gf from the facility was indeed pregnant. I almost threw up. I am 38 and wanted kids with him, but our relationship was never stable enough emotionally or financially to try. I asked if she was going to keep it and he said at first no but now she was changing her mind. She is still a patient at the treatment center and is there bc of a recent suicide attempt. The whole thing makes me feel so ill.
The icing on the cake was last night, when he indicated that he had stipulations for getting back together with her. When I wanted to get back with him he was unsure (he already knew she was pregnant), but potentially wanted to go back to her. That was the final straw for me, I really lost it on him. He was already thinking about abandoning his living son to go live with this woman, now they will have a baby. But now I can’t sleep or eat or do anything. My life feels like a Jerry Springer episode, but I am a responsible, kind, hardworking person who did so much for my husband for years, including saving his son from his abusive, drug-addicted, ex-wife and raising him as my own. I know I made choices here too that led to this mess, but I have never felt this hurt and lost before. I am trying to seek out more therapy, etc, but nothing seems to be helping yet.

Hi everyone, this may turn into a long post as I write this out and (admittedly) vent some frustrations I currently have (sorry in advance if that's not allowed).
To start off, between my SO and I we have 2 dogs, 3 cats, and a bunny. Someone at work stated a family member of theirs couldn't hold on to their two cats, so they were looking to re-home them, or they be sent off to the shelter by the end of last week. I felt bad, as I wouldn't want to give up my animals if I was put in the position that this person is in (basically they moved, but due to certain life events they had to move in with their parents who said no to the cats). So I offered to hold on to them so they wouldn't end up in the shelter, and they would be returned to their owner once they find a place they can stay at that will allow them to have cats.
The issue at hand is that my GF really doesn't want them here, claiming they could have some issue like a disease or something, which to q degree is understandable, but I'm keeping them separated from our other animals for the time being (even though the owner has stated they are healthy and is trying to send paperwork). She stated she also feels disrespected (more on this further down) that I would go forward with this without her approval (I did mention a few times about the cats, so it wasn't completely out of the blue). As such, she is threatening to break up with me over this if they are not removed from the home (she's also threatened throwing them outside and making them street cats, which obviously isn't good).
I'm upset that I'm trying to be a good person but am being forced to not be allowed to do so (I figured since we already have 3 cats, what's 2 more for some time, considering cats are low effort in my opinion).
Now for some juicy details that you redditors may enjoy reading. As I've stated earlier, she feels disrespected that I would move forward with this decision, without talking to her more about it. I honestly didn't think it would be a big issue since we both love animals. Growing up, whenever I visit my home country, if there was an animal that needed to take care of, I'd end up giving away a good portion of my vacation looking after said animal. And if I couldn't look after it for some time for whatever reason, a portion of my mind was constantly preoccupied wondering if they were ok. For my gf, as an example, she guilt trip me into taking in a pet rat that we we unprepared to take in (this was the only reason why I was against it, as neither of us had the money to buy a proper enclosure), as she was concerned that someone would end up buying it as snake food. This obviously made me feel bad, and we ended up getting the rat (ended up passing away, so it's currently not in the picture). She's has also stated that she wanted chickens, which I also don't mind, as roosters crowing and hens clucking remind me of my grandparents' farm. I'm hesitant on that only because I'd need to put in the time, energy, and money into making an enclosure for them (can't just have them running around in the backyard). So you can see why I thought she wouldn't mind looking after 2 cats who we are indirectly ready to take in due to having our cats. I have my suspicions thay she's jealous/insecure about it being another female's cats, as she asked a question or two about the scenario that in my opinion didn't pertain to the cats directly (more on this layer)
The issue I have with her claiming she feels disrespected is I feel like I bend over backwards for her, while also letting her walk all over me, to the point where she claimed I have/had sex with my mom (she did not say this directly to me, she stated it to certain family members who have relayed it back to me) which such a thing has never occurred. She also believes I have done something to the our animals. The first time she stated that if she found out I ever did something to the animals, she'd find someplace to go and take all the animals and I'd never find her. Another time my dog was pooping, and she asked why his rectum looked like that (again, pretty much claiming I did something to my dog). The most recent claim she's made is I went out to walk my dog, and ended up talking to one of our "neighbors" (they live behind the house that's directly across the street from us) and I admittedly stayed for a very long time. She tried calling me, but my phone was on silent for some reason, and I ended up missing her call. She sent me a few messages, the first 2 claiming she was going to call the police and file a missing person report (understandable considering how long I've been gone, and the fact it was around 11 at night), but then the following messages claimed she hopes my dog doesn't come back raped, and the message after that asked if I was "getting fucked by Dan" (I don't even a Dan where we live). She's also claimed I did something to her dog, as she thought her puppy looked prolapsed during her period. So as you can see, there's been a lot of claims by her of me supposedly sodomizing the animals which I want to make clear has not happened.
To make matters worse, and possibly the cherry on top, she claims to have taken some photos that pertain to me that she claims she will post online if we ever break up so people know the real me (I won't get into too much detail, but it is of a sexual nature that luckily doesn't have me directly in it, but nonetheless wouldn't be a good thing to be put online if she goes through with it). I haven't seen these photos directly, but I'm going to assume the worse and believe they exist. I believe this falls under the category of blackmail, bit I'm not sure, as she hasn't used it as leverage to get me to buy her things or do things for her, etc.
I'll admit that I maybe haven't been her perfect boyfriend. I did try however I could, even going above my means to try to please her, which I am am now literally paying for (something I'm currently working on). I also will admit that I have spoken about her to my family members behind her back, although they claim that I'm not speaking ill of her if what she does/says is true (they have witnessed how she is first hand, so they know I'm not talking out my ass about certain things). Am I crazy/in the wrong to think "the audacity of the bitch" when she says she feels disrespected, when she has claimed all the things above?
For some chocolate drizzle: I had a surgery a few months back that I was healing from, and I was laying in the bath tub letting the shower head hit me, just trying to relax a bit, when she comes into the bath to rinse off her dirty feet almost right above my incision (it was basically an open wound with some glue over it).
This is all excluding the constant accusations I get from her about cheating on her. She wants access to my phone (I have somehow managed to stick to my giluns and not give it to her) and I have shown her my text messages a handful of times, and she never finds anything because, well, I'm not cheating on her. I'll admit that I have some sensitive information on my phone that I don't want her to have access to the primary one being bank accounts, and I don't want her seeing my degeneracy on reddit (thank you anonymous browsing lol)
That's it for now. Again, sorry for the long post that turned into a venting/advice session. I have the right of mind to either move into an apartment by myself for some time and letting her figure out what to with her animals and try to get away from this mess. Or better yet, let her be mad over the cats, and break up with me for wanting to help someone out, and potentially take her to the cleaners legally if she goes through with posting the photos about me. I don't want to take legal action against her and potentially ruin her future, as I understand she hasn't had the best life growing up, but I'm also tired of letting her get away with whatever she wants.

So I'm (17M) in 12th and came to my hometown to attend my dummy achool for the first time. Went there with a friend (17M). Just 5 mins into the class, don't know anyone, any teacher, roll or even our sections, this girl calls me from my right and starts a convo. Okay.
Then in the physics lab, she comes like "really" close my me, kinda rubs her boobs with my elbows and says "two of my friends like you" I was like "OKAY?" and then she proceedes "btw I too like you"
Talked with her and she asked me out, so i said "okay, but i cant ensure anything" and ohh boy, this girl becomes more and more annoying and creepy as we talk. My friend was third wheeling and heard our convos, and just said "bro, run away from her"😭
Yesterday I went to school for project related queries on behalf of our complete group (lol) and this girl is again there. She tells me things like "you wont leave me right?" "I love you so much"
And she tries ever to seduce me, pressing her boobs against me intentionally, and when i asked her to stop, she did that even more, and was even down for sex!! She even tried kissing me but i slid aside and she started crying
Now Im just afraid she doesnt do something serious if I straight up tell her i cant. Actually i said, but she doesnt listen. Please suggest what to do guys, im literally afraid of going to that school now💀💀
How the fuck should I unattract her?! She's so delusional and creepy.
Also, our religions contrast (uk what we are). I tried explaining her but she doesnt listen. No hate to other religions, i even had a such gf before and it ended up pretty bad with our parents involving.

I S Hi I’m new to this reddit thing so sorry if I make any mistakes.Basically this all happened a few months ago me(f 16) and my friend(f 14) I’ll call her meep we’re having a sleepover,she was on her phone most of the time which I didn’t think to much of when she then said to me hey can a few of our other friends(both f 14) come which I said sure because we where all friends now when they first came we did basic things girls do at sleepovers like doing eachother a hair and stuff until one of my friends takes something out of her bag I didn’t really cat eat first thinking it was something like clothes or make up until I get a good look at it and realised she had bull a bottle of beer out.Meep seeing this was like omg you actually managed to get it in your bag with my other friend I’ll cal her Lew said ya and bragged about how easy it was at first I wasn’t to keen on it since it being in my house but out of pressure drank it.A while later me and my friends start planning the day ahead of us now jump to the next day me and my friends start walking which all of them weren’t to keen on since it was a 1 and a half hour walk but sucked it up to our town (btw we live in a small town in a small country) anyway we where walking to a park originally but we all got hungry so we walked to supermarket but my friend (I’ll call this one royal)went to her house to pick up stuff and a bit later lew had to get something so it was just me and meep just sitting around eating on a platform when royal came back us three we’re walking around when we saw royals boyfriend(m 14) and his older brother(m 19) royal then started running after them yelling out to them and so then a bit later royal was flirting with her bf and me meep and the brother were just sitting around then we finally meet up with lew we then decided to go to the park together which ended badly in a fight where police where called but that’s not important anyway a bit later my friend called her bf and made sure he was ok and he said why don’t we try hanging out again tomorrow w which she without asking said yes so now me and my other friends had to go out again without being asked if it was ok with us but we also didn’t really care since most of us did wanna get out of the house so another jump to the next day me and my friends meet up with them we did give to walk to their houses bc they needed to get ready but after that we had a bit of fun the bf claimed a roof followed by royal lew and meep who tried but chickened out they told me to clime up but I said hell no I ain’t stupid they also tried getting the brother to but he told them to piss of he then sat of a rubbish bin which o tried to as-well but couldn’t jump high enough until he showed me how.Once we where done we went to the park well except for meep royal and her bf who went to her house to pick up something so me lew and the brother where on our way to the park when we got there we sat in this tunnel looking thing and just started talking to each other me and lew where sitting next to each other when he decided to sit in the middle of us which I thought was weird at the time but said nothing bc I didn’t wanna try make it weird bc again he was 19 but anyway my friends came back and we sat in this tree house looking thing I was mostly sitting with lew when hake moved away for a bit and then the brother sat down next to me I though it was weird bc there was room other places then he put his hand around my shoulder I looked up and royal was just winking at him and me I tried to signal to her that I was uncomfortable but she was still acting like it was nothing I then signalled to meep and unlike royal got the hint right away and thankfully said Alr guys let’s go it’s getting late and said we had to go I then got up and walked with meep royal complaining about leaving said fine and asked them to walk us home which they agreed until after a bit lew told them to go bc she didn’t want them knowing where I lived which I was really thankful for after that royal and her bf kissed goodbye and left which I was gonna do until I felt someone behind me grab my waist and kissed my cheek and gave me paper with his Snapchat I was gonna throw it in a puddle when lew asked what was in my hand so I explained what it was and she said oh how cute and asked if I was gonna add him dis it’s wanting to say no and wanting to tell her what happened I honestly can’t explain it but I just couldn’t but I have her the paper which she added him and made a gc with me him her and royal which was then when they made plans to sneak out with them and go on a night walk they asked me and meep to come which meep said no bc she thought the brother was a creep and I tried to say no but once again with pure pressure said yes royal and lew where to busy getting ready to even thing about meep in which I said hey why don’t I just stay here with meep and keep her company which they laughed and said cmon let’s go,it was 10:30 at night when we snuck out them excited to see them and me paranoid on my mum getting mad about me disappearing when we meet up with them me lew and the brother walking ahead I was holding hands with lew originally but the brother grabbed my hand and so we where all just walking I was ok with it but the thing that threw me off was what royal was saying she was just making very sexual jokes about me and this 19 yr old man which I was uncomfortable with but was to shy to say anything about once we got to the place which was under a bridge we just sat down and talked about stuff lew then went some place else which was then followed by royal and the bf I tried running off but royal told me to stay back so I did now it was just me and the bf brother idk why I didn’t think this would happen but he sat really close to me and that’s when he did it at first he just grabbed my face made out with me which I tried to say no or stop but I was to scared to say thing and then he just started touching me places and I tried with all my might to get him to stop but couldn’t then I heard yells from royal saying she couldn’t find lew me using this as a reason to get away yelled I’ll look for her and tan off I wasn’t actually looking for her though I was on a bathroom trying with all my might to not let out any tears which was really hard then I heard yells so I looked out and realised it was meep who had secretly been following us so I used her as a opportunity to get away and then said hey you guys look for her I’ll leave with meep signalling to her I wanna leave which again she understood and acted tired and said ya I wanna go now so we did which I then turned around and saw the brother just following us I let him follow us idk why but once we where around the block I said to him my house was close and he could go which I waited until he had actually left to start walking home and obviously I wasn’t near my house there was still a twenty minute walk which I just started braking down my friend was just hugging me and said it’s ok and saying what did he do to you which say I don’t know why but I just couldn’t say anything once got home I threw up I could still feel him everywhere in my mouth on my thighs and on my waist and other places I wanted scream all I could think about was how I was such a slut and couldn’t even say anything or stop it I wanted to die I wanted just anything to get the memory and taste out of me I then started telling my self about how worthless I was and how I my mother really did raise a stupid and pathetic person after a bit I fell asleep with my dog next to me (he’s a American bully)so I thought that I could at least have some sort of protection after a bit my friends came back and fell asleep I knew this bc they really don’t come back some quiet and woke me up now this was the last day they where at my house so they all went back to their houses and i really do wish I I could say this was the end I really really do but sadly this was not after going back to school and acting as if everything was fine and nothing was wrong I realised that royal and lew haven’t been to school for a while and the next day lew came to school and I found out that sadly the brother 🍇ed her when I found this out I feel apart I was sick shocked and just didn’t know what to do my friends told her to tell our health teacher she’s the teacher who deals with situations like this so she did the teacher said she could miss a few classes and stay in there with me and meep that was when I told them what happened to me they where both mortified that was then when lew reveille the brother wanted to grape me aswell and even told her he was gonna and how he would ask to hang out and to it at the same place he did to her I was honestly shocked and paralysed with fear remembering how he actually asked to hang out a the other day anyway I then asked her what she wanted to do bc our teacher suggested telling the cops tbh I really didn’t want to bc I was trying to keep this whole thing away from my mum but knew I had to so I walked to the police station with a few other friends and told them everything after that I knew I had to drop royal she literally let everything happen even with lew I’ll explain later with lew but we dropped her now obviously that east’s she was just making up excuses and even said that the brother was forcing her to say and do things and then started yapping about how he forced her to do those things but I saw right threw her lies so did keep but idk why but lew actually believed her until she also finally saw right threw her lies oh also brother actually has a gf who is his age ik real shocked expected her to be 8 anyway recently the cops did find him and I’ve got a meeting with one of them oh another big thing turns out we ARNT the first people he’s sa wanna know the first person he did? Get ready 🥁🥁his fucking brother ya that’s right he literally graped his brother and it gets worse he did it when the boyfriend was fucking 8 anyway I might not update for I bit but I promise there will be one

Hi all! Just celebrated my 1 year anniversary of my LDR relationship a couple days ago! I feel really proud of getting this far, we plan on meeting again this July! But man, it's been a bit of a battle. Especially because of this:
My GF seems to have a really weird sleeping problem. Basically, we can be chatting at some point during the night, perfectly fine, she shows no signs of drowsiness at all. Then all of a sudden mid conversation, she just dissappears... (she falls asleep)
It's really become a pain point for me, and last night after it happened at a particularly bad time I finally gathered the courage to tell her just how much it bothers me.
She tells me that my assumption is true: She doesn't feel tired even in the slightest, but she can be writing to me and then blink and she falls asleep uncontrollably, instantly. Trying to search for this problem just gives a bunch of results for narcolepsy (which I don't think she has, she doesn't fall asleep during the day) and insomnia.
She was once diagnosed with insomnia, since she used to feel tired during the day and not get quality sleep, but she eventually went back and the doctoe told her she was no longer presenting symptoms. (This problem doesn't seem to be a symptom from what I've read on the internet.)
She can also seemingly only stay awake for a MAXIMUM of like, 15 hours. It wouldn't be such a big problem if we weren't long distance, but that's not the case. Does anybody have any idea what could be causing this? Anyone here experienced this before? Please, we need help with this, because this totally killing me...
TL;DR: GF falls asleep instantly and without warning in the middle of our texting at night. She says she doesn't feel sleepy at all, but she just blinks and she's gone. What could be the cause of this and how do we fix it??

Hi Reddit,
I can’t believe I’m writing this post, but this has been on my mind for the past few months and I really need some external input. I need help to figure out if I’m in a toxic relationship, if there’s something I can do to fix it, if I’m over sensitive, or is it time for me to end this?
Context: I ‘M26’ and my girlfriend ‘F25’ have been together for 2.5 years, and known each other for 8 years. We both live in the U.S. but I’m from Europe and she’s from Central America, met in college. Issues started 2 years ago but when things are good she’s amazing (funny/beautiful/caring/makes me feel unconditionally loved/etc) and I always thought the issues were friction we could iron out together. With time I have grown increasingly skeptical of that. This is my first relationship (longer than 3 months) so at the same time I’m worried that maybe I am overly skeptical, that I only see my perspective and fail to see hers. I want to be fair to her, because I love her and care deeply for her as a person, I am just starting to resent the relationship.
History of issues: To me the issues are all centered in my girlfriends anxiety. Frequently, rather than being vulnerable, she projects her anxiety on me and accusing me of all kinds of things. I have both tried to shake off those moments, to recognize that this isn’t her but her anxiety talking, but it still affects me deeply. Not only when it occurs, but when I am doing something and she seems fine I still worry that maybe I will do something wrong and she will snap and this moment will turn to a life or death situation. I have also obviously communicated my concern over this behavior repeatedly, and every time after she takes things too far she apologizes and takes ownership and we come up with a strategy to avoid the issue from repeating. This all sounds very healthy, I think, but the problem is that we’ve had these issues and conversations 25+ times and here we still are. Some things have gotten better for sure but it still feels unbearable to me. Let me provide three examples to illustrate our issues (from my perspective).
Example 1 - 1.5 years ago My best friend and I were victims of attempted robbery from people affiliated with organized crime, the event went to court, and after the trial we wanted to get away from everything. My girlfriend and I had planned to go to a Caribbean island shortly after, so I invited my friend to come a week before my girlfriend and leave the day she arrived. We were both pretty shaken up and just wanted to talk things out and enjoy a tropical paradise. The first night my friend and I arrive (girlfriend still in the US) she starts texting fervently that my friend and I shouldn’t see any of the sights so she and I can see them together for the first time. I get where she’s coming from but this is also a challenging time for me and my best friend so I am not willing to completely sacrifice his week with me to appease my girlfriend. Things escalate and she demands my attention all the time. When my friend and I is out she is calling me 50+ times in a row, texting me that if I love her I would respond and that I am ruing hers and mine vacation and though I’m trying to deescalate I don’t see how to. I end up turning off my phone, although she begs me not to, but I’m still in my head unable to enjoy the night. When I turn my phone back on next day there’s a picture of herself with a cut (very shallow but still) saying I made her do this. This event is the low point of our relationship, and I told her if she ever hurts herself or threatens to hurt herself I’m out, and to be fair to her she has not once since hurt herself. Nonetheless, the calls continue after this (50+ a day) and I spent 3-4h a day on the phone with her and neglecting the trip with my best friend. Damn writing this out really makes me ashamed for not standing my ground back then. Anyways, this really colored the trip with my childhood friend and I think I still resent myself and her for making that happen.
Example 2 - 0.5 years ago I visited a close childhood friend in South America for 2.5 weeks. Because of the events that transpired in example 1, my girlfriend was nervous for my trip. She expressed worry that she would act out in the same way as my last trip. I really appreciated this self-awareness. We therefore talked extensively about how to avoid issues. The first few days were alright, with her being anxious but being vulnerable about it and we managed well, calling once a day and texting 15-20 messages a day (more than I’d want, but that’s a compromise I’m okay with). At this point I make a mistake, but her reactions to it is (in my head at least) not proportional. I told her I was going out with my friend and his friend that weekend, and she expressed that this would make her anxious that I would cheat on her. So I asked what can I do, and we decided I’d send her a text once I left the pre-game, once I left the club, and call her once I got back to my friends place. A little bit much I thought, but I love her so a fair compromise for now. Unfortunately, I got caught up in the moment at the pre-game, and forgot to text my girlfriend. I realized as I was walking home from the club with 25+ missed calls and a bunch of emotional messages about how I forgot because I was around beautiful women and how I don’t love her. Here I understand her pain. She was vulnerable, I agreed to a compromise and I didn’t fulfill my end. 25+ calls is never productive but hey I had some blame here. The following day I call her for 1.5 hours apologizing and we talk things out, and it feels like though she is feeling anxious that she accepts my apology and we have now managed to resolve my mistake. The same night my friend and his friends are going to someone else’s house for a BBQ (which I told my girlfriend about days before). An hour before we are about to leave my girlfriend starts telling me to talk to her on the phone, because I hurt her so bad and when I say I can’t because we are 10 people having a beer before we head out she says she doesn’t care and that I hurt her and now she “wants to make my life miserable”. I tell her “hey I understand you’re upset but I never want to hear those words from the person I love. I know I hurt you but never intentionally”. She says she doesn’t care and keeps calling me non-stop for 40 minutes and I’m worried that if I don’t pick up she will start to call my friend. I try to deescalate and beg her to take a step back and that she is pushing me away by doing this. The whole thing culminates by me getting out of the Uber towards the barbecue and telling my friends that I think my girlfriend and I are breaking up and I need to deal with it. I am crying as I say this and feel so damn embarrassed. Even writing it now I can’t believe this actually happened. Damn. Anyways, as soon as I tell her that I am no longer going to the bbq and I left my friends car she becomes a different person (the person I love) and tells me she is so sorry and realize she took it too far and begs me to order an Uber to the BBQ. She says she’ll pay for it and begs me to go. At that point I’m just so embarrassed at the whole thing and tell her something along the lines of “why the fuck did you push me this far then. I told you you are pushing me away”. I head home, and wonder how someone who loves me so much can intentionally cause me so much harm and I seriously begin to doubt if her and I will ever work. I tell her I don’t think I want to be in the relationship, but that I recognize I’m emotional so I need 7 days without contact to process my thoughts. I won’t block her, but if she reaches out I will. She does reach out (albeit with a nice message) but I still block her.
I probably should have left the relationship here, but damn I love her, we live together, and at this point she was depending on me for her visa to stay in the country. I don’t want to rip all that apart from her. So I say I don’t know if we’ll ever feel okay, but I’m willing to give this one last chance.
To her defense, she take a lot of new steps at this point. She tells her mom and sister everything that happened (including her trust issues and jealousy), she starts with anxiety medication and starts being more vulnerable with her therapist. I am still skeptical that things will actually be okay, but I recognize the effort she puts in and I really appreciate it. The frequency of our arguments decrease, and more disputes now end before they become arguments.
Example 3 - Yesterday My GF flew to Vegas with three of her girlfriends (I know two of them very well) and I know it’s a high risk trip for someone in a relationship but I honestly have complete trust in my GF. I decided to do a dinner with 3 of my friends (who my GF knows equally well, we’re all in a group chat together and do things regularly together) and they invited a 4th person who was part of our sports team (my girlfriend met her 2-3 times, just like me).
She texts me from Vegas asking who’s coming to the dinner and once she finds out this 4th person is coming she asks nicely if we cannot be in someone else’s apartment. When I say hey I’m sorry but I already said we could be at my place she asks at least don’t smoke weed together (my friends are stoners so 100% chance they’ll bring weed), and I say “I’m sorry but I won’t tell them not to and I’ll join In too if they bring it but you have nothing to worry about. I love you and I’ll call you as soon as they leave?” My girlfriend then goes into panic mode and calls me nonstop throughout dinner. I go to the bathroom and begs her to stop, tells her she is ruining this for me, and ask her to trust me. She still calls nonstop until they leave. I try to keep a brave face but again it really ruins the dinner for me.
At this point I have told her how actions like these makes me feel uneasy and prevents me from enjoying life. I told her I need her to trust me. I told her that I won’t have it anymore. And if anything the idea that she doesn’t trust me around 3 people she knows well with a 4th stranger while she’s at a pool party in bikini in Vegas just seems so hypocritical it makes me ever more frustrated.
In her defense: - Her dad cheated multiple times while she was growing up. I understand this makes it excruciatingly difficult to trust a partner. - She started seeing a therapist ~8 months ago. - She now takes medication for her anxiety. - She now has told her mom and sister about her trust issues for the first time in her life. - She began attending codependency meetings regularly. - She says she doesn’t want me to limit my life just for me to communicate better what I’m doing (I think it’s really possible that I’m bad at communicating, because to me this request feels like it comes from a lack of trust).
She is putting in immense effort, but I just feel like I can’t do this anymore. Even when things are good I’m worried that she’s going to explode and that prevents me from enjoying the good times too. I love her and she’s amazing in many ways, but I don’t like feeling responsible for her suffering. I know that by trying to end things she’s going to suffer so much and she’ll beg me to give her another chance. I don’t want to but in those moments I feel like she’s the rational version of herself and that maybe she’ll never explode again. Can I solve my relationship with her? Is it time to leave? Is it fair to leave when she is putting in so much effort? How do I find the courage to go through with it?
Thanks so much in advance, and I’m sorry for such a lengthy post.
TL;DR I think my relationship is toxic and I don’t know if it is fixable, or if it’s time for me to end it? Is it fair to end it when my partner is putting so much effort into the relationship?

Okay my old acc got perma banned (not cuz of what i posted here but a comment on another sub). This acc probably just gonna get banned too but idc. I need this place to rant and i want to hear others thoughts too. (So sorry if i dont reply to your comment).
There is no reward or pride in being a mom. Dads are the ones with all the prides. I never want kids but i want to be a dad so badly. I would have kids if i could have been the dad.

• Im not wasting 9 months of my life growing that parasite and then pushing it out
• Not to mention all the risks and permanent health implications/ risks. That long ass epidural. Ruining my body. Risk of bleeding out?! Emergency c sections. NOPEE
• Why do the dads get to cut the umbilical cord? They do absolutely nothing but jerk off almost a yr ago and then THEY get to do that?
• im tired of seeing the videos of dads carrying the newborn out of the hospital while A NURSE wheelchairs the new mom out. Like dude … help your fkn wife/ gf who just risked her life?! Like why doesn’t she get to hold the new baby on the way out? Afterall shes been carrying the damn thing for 9 months doing all of the heavy labour then the men just get the easy shit? F THAT
• im tired of seeing men being being praised for doing the BARE FUCKING MINIMUM. and then when people call out that it’s the bare minimum, others defend it by saying “yeahh but dads didnt do anything before so its good to see more hands on dads now”. When women have been “hands on” moms doing EVERYTHING FOREVER AND DONT GET ENOUGH RECOGNITION OR CREDIT AT ALL. dad changes 1 diaper or goes to one swimming class practice w their kids and its “omgggg what a core memory”, “such a good dad”, “parent of the year reward”. Its surprising and rewarded and appreciated and acknowledged when men do it but it’s EXPECTED when women/ moms do it?!
• Why is the dads name that’s the last name? Even if the mom keeps her last name, the kid almost always has his? And i dont wanna hear the dumbass “justification” that “ohhhhh i got to connect w my baby for 9 months. Its his turn now 😁”. JUST STFU YOU DAMN SURROGATE YOU AINT A DAMN PARENT JUST A FREE BIRTHING MACHINE AND FREE NANNY

All women are just disposable baby making machines and surrogates! No pride in that! And i want no part of it! This is not a bash on moms btw. More of a bash on society so dont get the wrong idea from my post.
Plus when you are a mom. You are JUST A MOM. But if youre a dad, then you’re life doesn’t change at all and you are still seem as your own person separate from your kids. You have your own identity while moms are just moms.

[US-GA] Duplex neighbor causing a bunch of problems and just recieved a mildly threatening letter from them.
So, let's start with the basics. I've been living in this place for almost 3 years now. Prior to living here I rented from the same landlord in a nearby duplex in 2014. My neighbor is a man and his wife. They've been living there together for about 6 years with the man living there for nearly 15. We've remained cordial to this point regardless of the issues that have popped up. At least, that was the case up until recently. We share a front porch that has railing around the ledge and splitting the unit down the middle at the living room.
So, the issues(these aren't listed in any particular order).
First, Over the last 2 or so years they've taken in roughly 7 stray cats. They keep the majority of these cats outside at all times. This wasnt an issue initially as I didn't mind the little fluffballs on the porch but as times gone on it has become an inconvenience. The cats will shit on my porch and walkway leading from the porch to the gravel driveway where I park. I have stepped in cat shit no less than 4 times in the past 2 months. When I moved in I had a welcome mat at the door. Well , after the cats shit on it 4 times in one week and I couldn't get the shit off it the last time so I threw it out. I bought a hose and spray nozzle just to spray cat shit off my porch and shoes. I have tried non-toxic sprays to try and coax them away from my walkway and that hasn't worked. I have spoken directly with both the man and his wife on this topic and all I receive is gaslighting. They claim it's not cat shit, it's actually chicken, raccoon, and opossum shit. Also, these cats are not healthy. They do not look healthy, the majority of cat shit I step in is diarrhea, and their fur is in such poor shape.
Second, roaches. When I first moved in there were roaches. I contacted the landlord and he had pest control out. I also placed multiple different traps at the same time and they died down a bit. The kicker here is I asked the neighbor about the roaches and his response was, and I shit you not, "oh the woman in the other duplex(between 500-1000 feet away from current duplex) was dirty and when she moved out the roaches moved over here." that was roughly 1.5 years ago and the roaches come and go now. I place new traps every few months to try and cull the population as much as possible. I just believe that the neighbors are dirty as all hell as their porch is a mess and I wouldn't doubt the inside is just as bad or worse. Oh, and to top that off, they leave their cat food open on the porch. So, roaches, raccoons(which I've seen eating from the cat plate at night), and opossums all get their fill.
Third, and trigger warning in advance, domestic violence. I'll admit going into that I am ashamed of what I'm going to state here. The man beats his wife. I have heard them fighting on so many occasions. There was one day where I had gotten off work and started to chill and unwind preparing to go to sleep on the recliner in the living room. I heard them start fighting as they normally do. Well, this particular time they brought it out onto the porch. All I heard out my window was things breaking and multiple banging noises. Then just absolute screaming. She was screaming as if she were being murdered. Then there was silence and I heard him say " if you ever talk back to me like that again I will kill you." this is where I am ashamed. I should've called the cops. I didn't. The dude owns a gun, is an alcoholic, and is definitely unhinged enough to retaliate if I were to try and help. I am afraid that there would be retaliatory violence and it is an uncomfortable feeling that I should not feel in my own home.
Fourth, my girlfriend refuses to come over to my house anymore due to the sad looking cats/cat shit, the occasional roach that she sees, and her not wanting to be at my home alone at night(I work nights) knowing how unhinged the neighbor is. She has heard him beating his wife. She is afraid because "what am I supposed to do if he gets really drunk while you're at work and tries to come into the house."
There are a couple smaller things but this is the gist of the major issues.
So, about a year ago I messaged the LL about the cats shitting everywhere. About a week or so later there was cat litter alongside my backyard fence. I wasn't seeing cat shit everywhere anymore so I let it go.
We arrive now at last week. Got home from a long night of work, kicked my shoes off, and relaxed. Woke up for work later and started to throw my shoes on just to notice that there was cat shit on them that I had already tracked through to living room.
I was pissed and messaged the landlord "Neighbors let their cats back out again and they are shitting everywhere. Theyve already ruined the mat that was in front of the door when I moved in. There are shit stains all over the porch. I don't want to call animal control cause I doubt they'll do anything but I'm getting tired of having to either clean my shoes or dodge shit everytime I get home from work."
He didn't reply, which I expected as he rarely replies.
A couple days later I get home from work to see a note left in my door. The neighbors wife was pissed. I don't have the note on me right now so I'm going to summarize.
She claimed that the cats do not shit on my side of the house. They shit near their cars "because that's where they are used to shitting" she said that all the shit I'm claiming to be cat shit is chicken, opossum, and raccoon shit. She threatened me with this line "you told the landlord the lie about the cats trying to get us evicted so why shouldn't we tell the landlord that the house smells like weed." yes, my roommate and I smoke. Yes, it's an illegal state. She then goes on to claim "the smoke comes through our oven vent and dryer vent and my clothes reek of weed." I call bullshit because not even my clothes smell like weed. This is legitimately the only complaint I've ever heard them say about my living there. Throughout the letter she claims multiple times that I'm not seeing what I think I'm seeing and I'm just trying to get them evicted.
So, this is where I stand, all I can think of is get photographic evidence of the cats shitting, but I don't really know what it's going to accomplish. The cats definitely need to be taken care of better and them shitting everywhere is not cool either. The other issues I've noted should probably be dealt with as well but domestic violence is a tricky thing to involve myself in. My Gf is mad because I haven't called the cops but I legit don't want to be shot or be evicted/arrested because I smoke weed in my home.
Afterthought: there has been a few instances of the woman being on something, not sure what, and just being a zombie on the porch. I'm playing games and see a figure on the porch. I look out there and there she stands, facing the road, arms and head down, just trying to keep her balance. That was uncomfortable to see to say the least.

Duplex neighbor causing a bunch of problems and just recieved a mildly threatening letter from them.
So, let's start with the basics. I've been living in this place for almost 3 years now. Prior to living here I rented from the same landlord in a nearby duplex in 2014. My neighbor is a man and his wife. They've been living there together for about 6 years with the man living there for nearly 15. We've remained cordial to this point regardless of the issues that have popped up. At least, that was the case up until recently. We share a front porch that has railing around the ledge and splitting the unit down the middle at the living room.
So, the issues(these aren't listed in any particular order).
First, Over the last 2 or so years they've taken in roughly 7 stray cats. They keep the majority of these cats outside at all times. This wasnt an issue initially as I didn't mind the little fluffballs on the porch but as times gone on it has become an inconvenience. The cats will shit on my porch and walkway leading from the porch to the gravel driveway where I park. I have stepped in cat shit no less than 4 times in the past 2 months. When I moved in I had a welcome mat at the door. Well , after the cats shit on it 4 times in one week and I couldn't get the shit off it the last time so I threw it out. I bought a hose and spray nozzle just to spray cat shit off my porch and shoes. I have tried non-toxic sprays to try and coax them away from my walkway and that hasn't worked. I have spoken directly with both the man and his wife on this topic and all I receive is gaslighting. They claim it's not cat shit, it's actually chicken, raccoon, and opossum shit. Also, these cats are not healthy. They do not look healthy, the majority of cat shit I step in is diarrhea, and their fur is in such poor shape.
Second, roaches. When I first moved in there were roaches. I contacted the landlord and he had pest control out. I also placed multiple different traps at the same time and they died down a bit. The kicker here is I asked the neighbor about the roaches and his response was, and I shit you not, "oh the woman in the other duplex(between 500-1000 feet away from current duplex) was dirty and when she moved out the roaches moved over here." that was roughly 1.5 years ago and the roaches come and go now. I place new traps every few months to try and cull the population as much as possible. I just believe that the neighbors are dirty as all hell as their porch is a mess and I wouldn't doubt the inside is just as bad or worse. Oh, and to top that off, they leave their cat food open on the porch. So, roaches, raccoons(which I've seen eating from the cat plate at night), and opossums all get their fill.
Third, and trigger warning in advance, domestic violence. I'll admit going into that I am ashamed of what I'm going to state here. The man beats his wife. I have heard them fighting on so many occasions. There was one day where I had gotten off work and started to chill and unwind preparing to go to sleep on the recliner in the living room. I heard them start fighting as they normally do. Well, this particular time they brought it out onto the porch. All I heard out my window was things breaking and multiple banging noises. Then just absolute screaming. She was screaming as if she were being murdered. Then there was silence and I heard him say " if you ever talk back to me like that again I will kill you." this is where I am ashamed. I should've called the cops. I didn't. The dude owns a gun, is an alcoholic, and is definitely unhinged enough to retaliate if I were to try and help. I am afraid that there would be retaliatory violence and it is an uncomfortable feeling that I should not feel in my own home.
Fourth, my girlfriend refuses to come over to my house anymore due to the sad looking cats/cat shit, the occasional roach that she sees, and her not wanting to be at my home alone at night(I work nights) knowing how unhinged the neighbor is. She has heard him beating his wife. She is afraid because "what am I supposed to do if he gets really drunk while you're at work and tries to come into the house."
There are a couple smaller things but this is the gist of the major issues.
So, about a year ago I messaged the LL about the cats shitting everywhere. About a week or so later there was cat litter alongside my backyard fence. I wasn't seeing cat shit everywhere anymore so I let it go.
We arrive now at last week. Got home from a long night of work, kicked my shoes off, and relaxed. Woke up for work later and started to throw my shoes on just to notice that there was cat shit on them that I had already tracked through to living room.
I was pissed and messaged the landlord "Neighbors let their cats back out again and they are shitting everywhere. Theyve already ruined the mat that was in front of the door when I moved in. There are shit stains all over the porch. I don't want to call animal control cause I doubt they'll do anything but I'm getting tired of having to either clean my shoes or dodge shit everytime I get home from work."
He didn't reply, which I expected as he rarely replies.
A couple days later I get home from work to see a note left in my door. The neighbors wife was pissed. I don't have the note on me right now so I'm going to summarize.
She claimed that the cats do not shit on my side of the house. They shit near their cars "because that's where they are used to shitting" she said that all the shit I'm claiming to be cat shit is chicken, opossum, and raccoon shit. She threatened me with this line "you told the landlord the lie about the cats trying to get us evicted so why shouldn't we tell the landlord that the house smells like weed." yes, my roommate and I smoke. Yes, it's an illegal state. She then goes on to claim "the smoke comes through our oven vent and dryer vent and my clothes reek of weed." I call bullshit because not even my clothes smell like weed. This is legitimately the only complaint I've ever heard them say about my living there. Throughout the letter she claims multiple times that I'm not seeing what I think I'm seeing and I'm just trying to get them evicted.
So, this is where I stand, all I can think of is get photographic evidence of the cats shitting, but I don't really know what it's going to accomplish. The cats definitely need to be taken care of better and them shitting everywhere is not cool either. The other issues I've noted should probably be dealt with as well but domestic violence is a tricky thing to involve myself in. My Gf is mad because I haven't called the cops but I legit don't want to be shot or be evicted/arrested because I smoke weed in my home.
Afterthought: there has been a few instances of the woman being on something, not sure what, and just being a zombie on the porch. I'm playing games and see a figure on the porch. I look out there and there she stands, facing the road, arms and head down, just trying to keep her balance. That was uncomfortable to see to say the least.

So, let's start with the basics. I've been living in this place for almost 3 years now. Prior to living here I rented from the same landlord in a nearby duplex in 2014. My neighbor is a man and his wife. They've been living there together for about 6 years with the man living there for nearly 15. We've remained cordial to this point regardless of the issues that have popped up. At least, that was the case up until recently. We share a front porch that has railing around the ledge and splitting the unit down the middle at the living room.
So, the issues(these aren't listed in any particular order).
First, Over the last 2 or so years they've taken in roughly 7 stray cats. They keep the majority of these cats outside at all times. This wasnt an issue initially as I didn't mind the little fluffballs on the porch but as times gone on it has become an inconvenience. The cats will shit on my porch and walkway leading from the porch to the gravel driveway where I park. I have stepped in cat shit no less than 4 times in the past 2 months. When I moved in I had a welcome mat at the door. Well , after the cats shit on it 4 times in one week and I couldn't get the shit off it the last time so I threw it out. I bought a hose and spray nozzle just to spray cat shit off my porch and shoes. I have tried non-toxic sprays to try and coax them away from my walkway and that hasn't worked. I have spoken directly with both the man and his wife on this topic and all I receive is gaslighting. They claim it's not cat shit, it's actually chicken, raccoon, and opossum shit. Also, these cats are not healthy. They do not look healthy, the majority of cat shit I step in is diarrhea, and their fur is in such poor shape.
Second, roaches. When I first moved in there were roaches. I contacted the landlord and he had pest control out. I also placed multiple different traps at the same time and they died down a bit. The kicker here is I asked the neighbor about the roaches and his response was, and I shit you not, "oh the woman in the other duplex(between 500-1000 feet away from current duplex) was dirty and when she moved out the roaches moved over here." that was roughly 1.5 years ago and the roaches come and go now. I place new traps every few months to try and cull the population as much as possible. I just believe that the neighbors are dirty as all hell as their porch is a mess and I wouldn't doubt the inside is just as bad or worse. Oh, and to top that off, they leave their cat food open on the porch. So, roaches, raccoons(which I've seen eating from the cat plate at night), and opossums all get their fill.
Third, and trigger warning in advance, domestic violence. I'll admit going into that I am ashamed of what I'm going to state here. The man beats his wife. I have heard them fighting on so many occasions. There was one day where I had gotten off work and started to chill and unwind preparing to go to sleep on the recliner in the living room. I heard them start fighting as they normally do. Well, this particular time they brought it out onto the porch. All I heard out my window was things breaking and multiple banging noises. Then just absolute screaming. She was screaming as if she were being murdered. Then there was silence and I heard him say " if you ever talk back to me like that again I will kill you." this is where I am ashamed. I should've called the cops. I didn't. The dude owns a gun, is an alcoholic, and is definitely unhinged enough to retaliate if I were to try and help. I am afraid that there would be retaliatory violence and it is an uncomfortable feeling that I should not feel in my own home.
Fourth, my girlfriend refuses to come over to my house anymore due to the sad looking cats/cat shit, the occasional roach that she sees, and her not wanting to be at my home alone at night(I work nights) knowing how unhinged the neighbor is. She has heard him beating his wife. She is afraid because "what am I supposed to do if he gets really drunk while you're at work and tries to come into the house."
There are a couple smaller things but this is the gist of the major issues.
So, about a year ago I messaged the LL about the cats shitting everywhere. About a week or so later there was cat litter alongside my backyard fence. I wasn't seeing cat shit everywhere anymore so I let it go.
We arrive now at last week. Got home from a long night of work, kicked my shoes off, and relaxed. Woke up for work later and started to throw my shoes on just to notice that there was cat shit on them that I had already tracked through to living room.
I was pissed and messaged the landlord "Neighbors let their cats back out again and they are shitting everywhere. Theyve already ruined the mat that was in front of the door when I moved in. There are shit stains all over the porch. I don't want to call animal control cause I doubt they'll do anything but I'm getting tired of having to either clean my shoes or dodge shit everytime I get home from work."
He didn't reply, which I expected as he rarely replies.
A couple days later I get home from work to see a note left in my door. The neighbors wife was pissed. I don't have the note on me right now so I'm going to summarize.
She claimed that the cats do not shit on my side of the house. They shit near their cars "because that's where they are used to shitting" she said that all the shit I'm claiming to be cat shit is chicken, opossum, and raccoon shit. She threatened me with this line "you told the landlord the lie about the cats trying to get us evicted so why shouldn't we tell the landlord that the house smells like weed." yes, my roommate and I smoke. Yes, it's an illegal state. She then goes on to claim "the smoke comes through our oven vent and dryer vent and my clothes reek of weed." I call bullshit because not even my clothes smell like weed. This is legitimately the only complaint I've ever heard them say about my living there. Throughout the letter she claims multiple times that I'm not seeing what I think I'm seeing and I'm just trying to get them evicted.
So, this is where I stand, all I can think of is get photographic evidence of the cats shitting, but I don't really know what it's going to accomplish. The cats definitely need to be taken care of better and them shitting everywhere is not cool either. The other issues I've noted should probably be dealt with as well but domestic violence is a tricky thing to involve myself in. My Gf is mad because I haven't called the cops but I legit don't want to be shot or be evicted/arrested because I smoke weed in my home.
Afterthought: there has been a few instances of the woman being on something, not sure what, and just being a zombie on the porch. I'm playing games and see a figure on the porch. I look out there and there she stands, facing the road, arms and head down, just trying to keep her balance. That was uncomfortable to see to say the least.

I need you guys to please not judge and hear me out first.
I never thought I would be the type of girl to even be able to form feelings for a guy who I knew was already dating someone. But this is different than anything I’ve ever felt and it’s honestly driving me absolutely insane.
Background, I met him in one of my classes about a week ago. I’m a sophomore and he’s a junior btw. Both of us had no where to sit except for one empty table so we sat together and immediately had great conversation. He’s sweet, funny, and talkative more than any other guy I’ve met. When we started sitting together I already knew he had a gf but sadly that didn’t stop me from thinking he was kind of cute. But once we started talking fr it changed the whole game. He makes me feel so comfortable and the crazy thing is he lowkey flirts with me. He’s told me I smell good and my eyes are beautiful. He even said he’d give me a ride on his motorcycle some time. Obviously I wouldn’t actually do that out of respect for his relationship and I don’t think he meant it seriously but it’s just the flirtatiousness that’s making me fold.
The worst part of all of this is that it’s making me bend my morals. I was talking to my best friend about the situation and I realized that I lowkey would want to kiss him or hang out with him if he asked. I hate that I would even consider being a homewrecker. I’ve also stalked his instagram extensively to the point of following a bunch of people he follows to gain mutuals, checking tagged posts, hoping they break up and her highlight gets taken down. I even joined a new community on snap so that I could be in the same year as him and add him without it saying from search. it’s making me absolutely insane and I don’t know what to do about it because idk if I’ve ever felt this strongly about someone in such a short time.
I need to get over it asap how can I move on

Im M22 and my gf is F22. We have been dating for almost 3 years now and I keep getting on her nerves and don’t know whats wrong with me. I do everything I can for her. But she says im too childish and that I probably wont ever find someone and will die alone, if I don’t change.
I don’t argue and try to solve everything and she hates it. Im not childish because im jealous, manipulative, make immature comments, etc. Im childish because im super forgetful and she hates it. She hates when I walk around barefoot and I often forget wearing my slippers, I forget closing the curtains when I close the balcony door, I forget taking out the trash on some days, etc. And its ruining our relationship. I try setting reminders and stuff, but this has always been a problem of mine and is probably also the reason I moved out of my moms house at 18. Another point is that its hard for me to open up at times and when she asks me why im like this (forgetful), my mind is just blank and she gets so mad. I just don’t know how to respond to a question like that and I can’t change who I am, but i am desperately trying to. I also often dont do things unless im told, like washing the dishes etc. I don’t have any other immaturity problems and am doing rather well in all other aspects of life, but holding a romantic relationship has always been extremely hard for me idk why.
Has anyone ever been in such a situation and when did it finally change?
Edit: since a lot of you said that I could have adhd. That might be true and she is a firm believer that I have adhd. I was officially diagnosed, but my neuro doctor said my brain is healthy and that this behavior could be adhd. I’ve been on meds for a couple of months, but still forget this stuff.
Also Im only forgetful in the things I mentioned, like I can’t really notice the details. But I can drive a 1h car ride off of memory, if I’ve only been there once and somehow I memorize all license plate numbers at work, of my neighbors, etc. I see and know who the car belongs to. I don’t try to memorize them, but they’re stuck in my brain after just looking at them once.

I just wanted some support. So this my ex of 1.5 years broke up with me last week. We were bestfriends prior to starting the relationship. We used to share our traumas, and other issues with each other during that period.
Initially when we started the relationship, I had several issues due to insecurities. Like I had issues sending photos, being on video calls and sending voice notes. Because of these she belived that I didn't put any effort. I accept my issues but I would spend hours on the phone texting her. I asked her to give me time to change them. In 4-5 months most of my issues were gone.
We were in a long distance relationship. Our parents didn't know about this, so we had to keep it secret for the time being. But we would meet atleast once every three months when we would sit for our exams. Post September last year, I tried to make up reasons so that I can meet her. I really thought that our relationship would only get better from that point.
But in January this year, I had to move out of state for a job. She had joined her new job in our state. Her colleagues basically insulted my personality, saying things such as that my introvert character was going to be an issue in the future. Like that if our children got kidnapped, i would be sending mails to the police rather than calling them. And she believed them. Post that incident, she started complaining that I had never changed.
I am not talking high of myself, but by that point I was so different from the insecure version of me. We would call/video call daily, send pictures, send letters, etc. But for some reason she chose to see me through the past, as if I would never change.
I was the only person that stood by her when she went through so many issues, I was there for her in everything. I invested so much emotionally and in time to make this work. I worked on myself too.
But she kept seeing only the past me. So I decided to quit my job, and move back to our state to solve the issues. I loved her that much. And she told me that she would wait until we met.
But she broke it off suddenly once I flew back to our state. Didn't even want to meet me. I begged her to meet me even if she didn't want to continue the relationship. But she didn't.
She said that I was soft, but that softness is only needed when people are down. And that our energy only matched initially because she was in a depressed mood. She then proceeded to insult each and everything about me. My character, my family, my religion, and all. At times she would also use my past traumatic incidents against me. I confided these issues when we were best friends.
I really thought that she was the love of my life. How can a person that we once loved so much turn into stonewalls? How can they see only the bad in us?
She would say that in a perfect relationship, the partners would not have to work on anything. Is there really a relationship where no working on themselves is required?
Is it me who is really in the wrong here? I believe that each person in a relationship is a work in progress. But she doesn't have the same viewpoint. Since she blamed me so much, I am starting to believe it was my fault.
TLDR: broke up after 1.5 years. Ex gf didn't believe in making it work, said that perfect partners don't have to do anything to match. Initially in the relationship, I had some insecurity issues but got over them in some time. Quit my job to be closer to her and solve any issues. Was not given a chance. Now I am blaming myself.