You hang here, I’ll go on ahead!
Hi everyone! Hope you’re all doing well!
About me:
A slim, somewhat feminine, 21 year old guy from the east of England, standing at 5 foot 8 inches, who works full time and is studying for a masters degree alongside working (please send help). Relatively short light brown hair, white skin, greenish eyes and like dressing in smart clothes.
I am a homebody, through and through, spending cosy time indoors is what makes me tick and is how I spend a lot of my time. Whether that be digging into a long gaming session, relaxing with a good book, cooking up a storm (or maybe a tornado depending on the aftermath I leave behind) in the kitchen, watching a good film or tv show, or enjoying a nap, my home is my happy place.
That being said, I enjoy spending time in nature as much as the next person, and love going out for walks, exploring new restaurants or taking long drives.
I’m not a very social person, finding socialising in large groups rather stressful, however I do enjoy spending time with others, often one on one works best for me. I also have a short social battery, so need alone time as well. In my mission to find my person, I also hope to find someone with whom I can spend limitless amounts of time, someone who simply feels like home.
I’m a hopeless romantic too, and believe in finding “the one” someday, which, I suppose, is why I’m here! I adore affection in all forms, and all the various love languages hold some standing with me, though physical affection would likely be top dog if I’m honest.
My overall demeanour is sweet, well meaning, soft and often a little excitable (which can ramp up in lots of situations). I’ve been likened to a puppy by friends before.
As a partner:
As a partner I am someone who delights in caring for my person, being there to help them with the little things which make things just that tiny bit easier - Making them food after a long day, listening to them when they need to vent, treating them when they need it (and sometimes when they don’t 😅). A big part of a relationship for me is spending quality time together, whether that be doing something together, for example watching tv or cooking a recipe, or spending time together whilst doing our own thing. I want to be able to be with my person and be entirely comfortable and content in their presence. I’m also very affectionate as mentioned above, and will want to give you cuddles at just about every minute of the day 😅
I’m a good listener, and love to learn about other people and ask questions to dig deeper into the way they feel about things etc. I also value this greatly in another person.
Other facts/points of interest:
I prefer to converse over text initially, and tend to write rather a lot when I like somebody (and when the effort is reciprocated), then move onto other mediums down the line.
I am open to sharing pictures of myself right off the bat (as long as you do the same).
I believe that I have autism, and so somebody who understands this and appreciates that some things are difficult for me would be ideal.
About you:
Some traits I value in a partner are as follows, now, this is by no means an exhaustive list, nor is it a list of requirements, just some things that I adore in others, as well as things that I try to cultivate in myself:
Good listener, good communicator, interested in me, affectionate/caring, well mannered (not impolite), articulate, kind, humble/down to earth.
Otherwise, please just be respectful and put some effort in if you message me.
As a final note, have some conversation starters for if you decide to message me:
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
Where is your happy place?
What’s something about you that you think is somewhat embarrassing but really cute?
What, if anything, did you connect with in my post?
Take care, I hope to hear from you!
And last of all, I’m also open to making friends if you’d prefer that :)

I want to be hopeful and optimistic but the vast number of online disappointments make it difficult. Here are some things I don't want. Please don't contact me if you are not interested in reading the post. or do not want to talk long term and would be planning on ghosting me or disappearing within 1-2 days.
I am someone who is quite a sweet and effortful person. I would love an online connection with someone similar to me and have good, intellectual conversations and also share some laughter and affection. Affection can light us up and make us happy. (Even platonic connection is fine.) I like giving and receiving affection in the form of cute, little nicknames for each other, checking up on each other, asking about each other.
Of late, I have been watching a lot of couple pranks on YouTube. They teach me a lot about couple dynamics (what kind of dynamics are healthy and what are toxic). It would be nice to have someone to discuss these kinds of dynamics with. Sometimes I like those pranks where one pretends to be angry and the other kind of comforts them. It would be nice if we could enact that sometime.
I hope my words sail to some worthwhile eyes on the winds of destiny.
I have grown wary of superficial connections, no effort replies and even abrupt ghosts.
I would like someone with whom I can exchange sweet words with. I am quite a romantic person and I was more so as earlier. A lot of responsibilities were thrust upon me with time, but I have rediscovered that side of myself. I would love to have a pretend romance with an online companion - where we pretend like we are long lost soul mates and trade fiery words of sweet passion for each other.
But, that is completely optional. I am fine with a wholesome, platonic connection as well.
If you've reached this far, it's because of some happy confluence of my words, the Reddit algorithm and fickle fortune.
Our meeting seemed to dangle so much on fate, it's only fair we pay our dues. Give it our best shot. Do justice to the matchmakers of heaven - The directors of this romance.
I'm on the quest for a sweet companion. Someone with a good heart. Kind and empathetic - Like my own. The good person at the end of the romcom when the attractive antagonists lose their allure.
I love bonding with someone through heart to heart conversation. Through exchanging genuine care and concern. Through passionate exchange of our interests and hobbies. Through clockwork logging of our daily lives. Through mindful curiosity in each other's interests. Through mutual preference for glitter over gold, depth over deception, charm over carelessness and symphonies over superficiality.
The conversation starts out with pleasantaries and outward introduction of our demographic information - the most rudimentary. The most formal. Gradually, the outer layers crack and a mild joke cuts across the mask and we're another layer deep. Common or different tastes in art are the usual social custom for making new acquaintances.
Soon, our conversation flows like a roaring river eliciting deep intellectual and emotional responses from both of us.
We're discussing prized memories and cherished fantasies of the future. Chalking out hypotheticals and admiring the other's world views. Pretty soon, we're suddenly bare and feeling a strong bond by virtue of what we've shared.
Small silences punctuated the conversation. These silences were not awkward. It was a comforting waterfall of connection. It was the silence that followed from both of us knowing and enjoying the bond created by our hearts.
I loved the feeling of ending a conversation with a stranger on the first day with the feeling you've known them for years. I harboured romantic beliefs that such a connection must be the byproduct of a relationship in a previous life !
Here are a few things about me -

• I love staying at home.
• I do not drink or smoke and don't like going to noisy pubs. Although there are times when friends or office parties are conducted there, it's something I just tolerate.
• I love reading. I am interested in programming, Mathematics, Chess, Science, Psychology, Geopolitics, Space, Literature (fantasy particularly or late but I like all kinds) and Self Help (Productivity and Positive Psychology) - and a lot more ! I'm generally intellectually curious and a lifelong learner.
• I love following updates on things I'm passionate about and sharing them regularly. I love following podcasts and blogs and videos on them and sharing and discussing them. I also love explaining a new thing I have learnt as it helps me understand it better.
• I tend to be positive and look at the brighter side of life usually. But I also like sharing the problems I am going through and like listening to your's.
• I love animals. I have a lot of pets. I am also quite close to my family and am surrounded by my loving pets (5 dogs and 4 cats). I recovered from dengue last month and they were always around me all the time. It felt very good.
• I love putting in effort into messages and writing effortful messages and generally use complete words and not much abbreviations. I love crafting a symphony of text.
• I am usually quite calm and supportive and remember things that are told to me in conversation. I like getting emotional and expressive and am soft hearted and sensitive. I am also quite mature and enjoy talking to similarly mature people.

Do not reach out to me if you're just bored, did not read the post, don't like anything about me or my profile or don't know what you want or don't want to invest in having a good connection or don't even have the intention for talking for a few weeks. I am already quite hurt at repeated ghosting so please do not even reach out to me if you intend to ghost by tomorrow or next week.
Here's what I would like from us

• Genuine interest, care and empathy for each other - Making each other a priority though we are strangers at first. That's part of the excitement in jumping head first into this ! That does not mean we do not respect each other's busy schedules or commitments. I'm looking for something really genuine.
• Regular effortful messages, and remembering things the other says
• I love sharing or explaining anything new I learn, whether it is a blog post, podcast, video, book or a general thought that came through my mind. It would be great if you love listening to good explanations and are interested in such things. I'd also love it if you too like sharing blogs or podcasts on topics that you are interested in but it's not necessary.
• I also love self improvement and sharing progress or motivation as we are doing things towards our goals and dreams.
• I love voice calls as I love the sound of voice. I would love it if you are someone who is excited at having regular voice calls (2-3 times a week) or at least exchanging voice messages at times !
• We don't need to have similar taste in art (music, TV shows, movies). I am open to learning about new kinds of interests and new subcultures !
• Openly sharing our thoughts on the bigger ideas and arcs of life and also venting about the smaller frustrations
• Being excited at receiving messages from the other person every time we light each other's phones up.
• [Optional] Some online romance where we sometimes say things to each other that make us blush like our first crush. A little romance to brighten each other up. Though this is completely optional. Sometimes sharing sweet, romantic messages with each other and maybe even doing this on voice calls too.

Also would be nice if we can just share photos so we can visualise what we look like as I like sharing photos when I go somewhere. I just like getting this out of the way. It doesn't matter to me what you look like, but I do like to know whom I'm talking to make us blush like our first crush. A little romance to brighten each other up. Though this is completely optional. Sometimes sharing sweet, romantic messages with each other and maybe even doing this on voice calls too.
Also would be nice if we can just share photos so we can visualise what we look like as I like sharing photos when I go somewhere. I just like getting this out of the way. It doesn't matter to me what you look like, but I do like to know whom I'm talking to.

POLY ONLY NEED APPLY.
Dnt bother if your gonna want this as a sex only relationship. It's not what I want.
I'm looking for an actual relationship. Meaning, I want good morning and good night texts. I want to know about you, not just want you can do in the bedroom. I want PDA and dates.
I have a husband. I'm looking for a long term boyfriend.
Now if you read all that and your still here... I'm 33yr old female, no kids, 1 fur baby, who loves to read, watch anime and sleep! I'm 5'5 and 300lbs. Im a bbw (yes omg that means I'm fat) who is cute asf.
If you reply to me: tell me about you. And give me your favorite song.

Something I’ll experiment with is posting prompt lists I have in storage for you writers, artists, whatever out there. Most of the ones I have are from ancient LiveJournal communities but this one is special in that it’s from an ancient FE site. Internet Archive link is at the top (though be warned, it’s in Japanese and on iOS the text is garbled.)
In summary, these are 100 FE-themed prompts that I’m posting here for your usage (Google translated, so there may be some awkwardness):

1. Load
2. Prepare to attack
3. Heroine
4. Loyal Knight
5. Close call!
6. Hero
7. Knight and Princess
8. Attack!
9. Join
10. Class change
11. Arena
12. Treasure found
13. Fluttering
14. Dancing in the sky
15. Across the desert
16. Wound
17. Brother and sister
18. Healing
19. Dragon's blood
20. Rage
21. Warrior
22. Time to rest
23. It has to be you
24. Wind
25. Frozen land
26. Triangle attack!
27. Heavy
28. Beautiful long-haired swordsman
29. Valkyrie
30. Rival
31. Take aim
32. Go at your own pace
33. Rescue
34. Revenge
35. Bonds
36. The Captive Princess
37. Goodbye
38. Sleep
39. Mage
40. Friendship
41. Noble and Commoner
42. Risking My Life
43. Not Yet!
44. I Can Be of Help
45. Grassland
46. Unstoppable
47. Persuasion
48. Princess
49. Prayer
50. Light and Darkness
51. Dragoon
52. Domination
53. Fated Showdown (Part 2)
54. Wait
55. A Break
56. Loved One
57. Money
58. Big Brother
59. Tension
60. Look-alike
61. ...I'm Bored
62. Unrequited Love
63. Cleric
64. Guard
65. Beard
66. I'm sorry
67. Special training
68. Ancient magic
69. Smile
70. Sword dance
71. That cute girl
72. Partner
73. Sweat
74. Help me
75. Night
76. Friends
77. ...!!
78. Tears
79. Fatal blow
80. Prince
81. Legendary weapon
82. Thank you
83. Blood
84. Stand by me
85. Strategy meeting
86. Confession
87. Past
88. Hurry! Hurry!
89. Heart pounding
90. Rain
91. Alone
92. Happiness
93. Great duo
94. Handsome
95. Banquet
96. Back
97. Eve of the final battle
98. Final battle
99. The Message of Peace
100. Wedding Ceremony

Use some of them, all of them, go wild! Some are not very husbando-themed but you can probably still make it work ;)

I (23F) have been dating 25M for 10 months now. I am so scared I am going to sabotage this relationship because of my insecurities. I am just comparing myself endlessly with his ex-gf and his ex-FWB.. There are multiple things that bother me, I''ll try to list them:
It’s almost like I want to make myself feel anxious and insecure. Information, pictures or texts that I've found through lurking (which I try to stop doing) hurts my feelings but have burned themselves into my head. (1) For example, the summer we started dating he was frequently liking his ex-FWB pictures on IG - some revealing, some not - last one he liked was from a couple of months back, a very revealing one where she had taken a picture from above, angle looking into her tanktop, her tongue was out, nipple piercings visable through her shirt, very suggestive. Him liking provocative pictures of a woman he used to have sex with makes me uncomfortable. He hasn't done it for months now, but I fear it could return around summer when she wears revealing outfits again.
(2) I've also recently realized in a group chat with his friends he added me to, you can look back at messages before you were in the GC. That led me to look way back and see some things from months before we started dating, that still bothers me. Messages about his ex-FWB, how hot she is, how hot it is that she is a masochist (I'm not one), etc. I even saw pictures he had shared in the GC of many, many nudes she had sent him and pictures he took while they were having sex, in many different positions (with her consent, she's into it). It bothers me it looks to be using the same BDSM equipment he uses on me, the same positions he likes me in, etc. It makes me paranoid he's thinking about her when he's having sex with me. From the pictures it was apparent she is more sexually confident than I am, which makes sense given she has a much bigger sexual history than I do, he only just took my virginity, but still, it makes me scared he wishes I was more like her. This thoughts show up in my head almost any time we do anything sexual together, it's horrible and obviously makes it very hard to be fully there and enjoy it
(3) I also saw a message he sent in the GC 8 days after him and I had met: “I asked \ex-fwb* if she wanted to fuck just now, she's online she’s ignoring me lol”.* This was 8 days after we met, 8 days after he sent a message to that same GC about how he met a cute girl and he thinks that she likes him (me). We weren't official, didn't become so until 5 days after he sent that ex-fwb message, but still, it kind of hurts he wishes to hook up with her once more even after we had met, we had had our first date at that point. Especially also because he has told me multiple times that having sex with her reassured him that sex just as a means to get off wasn't for him, and that it was the emotional intimacy that made it important to him, he said he didn’t even enjoy it, wasn’t even attracted to her body type, etc…. yet he wanted to do it again? I fear he lied to me.
(4) There were also some messages from the past about his ex. He send various different texts various different occasions about how he loves how extremely outgoing and sociable she is and that they can have such intelligent discussions. I feel like him and I never discuss things back and forth. I also am very, very much the opposite of "sociable", I am very quiet and subdued, I like to observe more than anything and talking to strangers makes me nervous. He also send a comment about how his ex, at the time when they were dating, had "perfect big boobs", which makes me insecure since mine are much more on the smaller side.
This is me being insecure. I am aware of that, fully. I want to fix it. I am in queue for therapy, but for now I’m doing my best with what I can do. It is absolutely exhausting, the way everything makes me second guess myself. I've never felt as insecure as I do now. I've considered breaking up multiple times, even though I love him and really can see myself having a family with him in the future, just because it is so draining and I feel much more insecure now than I ever did before we were dating. The little insecurity that I do show him willingly, he will go on to reassure me a ton.. he's very loving, supportive and reassuring that he loves me for how I am, he's called me more attractive, trustworthy, more compatible, etc, that any girl he had a relationship with before, so it's not as if he is trying to make me insecure or anything. It's all in my head. How do I improve from this? ANY advice appreciated x
TL;DR: I'm struggling with insecurities in my relationship with my boyfriend of 9 months. I find myself comparing myself to his exes and feeling inadequate. I've discovered past messages about his ex-FWB and ex-girlfriend that exacerbate my anxiety, from before we were dating. Including him calling his ex-FWB hot, sharing the nudes she sent him, sharing pictures he took while they were having sex (with her consent). It makes me extremely insecure and worried that he prefers her, or is thinkig about her when we do stuff.
Also about his ex, about how he thinks she's so amazing for being sociable and outgoing and I am the completely opposite. I worry that he wishes I was more like her.. I feel jealous and uncomfortable with the fact that he has liked his ex-FWB provocative IG pics last summer and I worry he will start liking her pictures again this summer when she starts to wear less clothing again, despite them seemingly not having been in contact since she ghosted him. I'm aware of my insecurities and seeking therapy, but it's not readily available. My boyfriend is supportive, but I fear my insecurities may damage our relationship. How do I repair my insecurities?

My (ex)fiancé and I had been together for almost 6.5 years, engaged for almost 2.5. Over the last several months, my (ex)fiancé has sat me down to talk about our relationship about once a month. Before these conversations, he would shut down and barely speak to me for several days even when I would ask what was wrong. Then he would finally tell me he was ready to have a conversation and would express his frustrations with the relationship. By the time of our conversations, I would already be on the defensive from his recent behavior. I also generally do not receive feedback well. When he would try to tell me that he was unhappy in our relationship because I didn't compliment him enough, flirt with him enough, or tell him I loved him enough, I would shut down. I was not able to hear what he was really trying to tell me. Instead, I put up a wall and told him to love me for who I am. I basically asked him "If I'm happy in our relationship despite my frustrations, why can't you be?" I now realize that is not an appropriate or healthy response when your partner is trying to communicate with you.
I did try to hear him. I gifted him some lingerie for the first time and let him take a boudoir photo shoot of me wearing it. I started sending a few more cute messages. I tried to make more time to cuddle with him when he would ask. I tried to give him more hugs. I tried to thank him more for picking up around the house. I wrote him a cute letter and surprised him with a few gifts for Easter. However, about a month ago, we had another one of those conversations. Except this time the first things he brought up were 'wondering what else is out there' and talking about how other girls are always complimenting him. Again came the walls and extra defensiveness. I ended up writing him a letter talking about how I didn't know if I could ever be what he wanted me to be and that maybe he should think about calling things off. This was obviously a defense mechanism to try to beat him to the punch line and talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. Three weeks later he would sit me down and tell me he wanted to know what else was out there again and that he didn't know if he could go through with marrying me. My efforts did not feel like enough for him and I understand why. I was having a hard time connecting my emotions with my actions which made my actions seem reactionary and not genuine or provoked by love.
I have been through a lot more trauma in my life than I realized. My dad was in the Navy while I was growing up. We had to move every three years. A very pivotal point in my life was when we moved when I was in the 6th grade. I lived right next door to my best friend. I was finding my love for math and theater. I also played soccer and was a Girl Scout. When we moved, I became very depressed, though I didn't understand that's what it was at the time. I stopped all of my extracurricular activities. I stopped getting too close to people because I knew I would have to move or they would have to move eventually. I mostly stayed in my room and kept to myself, even from my family. I also have struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Then, in my senior year of high school, I got my first-ever boyfriend. We were in a relationship for over 4 years. In that relationship, I would always be the one to try to talk about our problems. I would be the one who would always want longer hugs and more cuddles. But it was not a healthy relationship. We broke up and got back together many times. I found several illicit texts to other girls on multiple occasions and he would always gaslight me by saying his younger brother stole his phone or I misinterpreted the messages. I think this caused me not to want to show my emotions because it wasn't reciprocated and resulted in heartache. Then, three years ago my younger brother died in a tragic car accident at the age of 17.
When I realized I could lose the love of my life, I realized that he was right about me not being affectionate enough. I had built up walls to protect myself. I thought I had made progress on my anxiety and depression, but I realized I was wrong. I also realized that I have issues with communication, trust, and vulnerability. I was a great partner in other ways and I did express my love in other ways. I moved across the country, coast to coast, with him to a state where I didn't know anyone so that he could attend his dream school. I take care of the household. I get the majority of the groceries. I do all of the cooking. I do all of the maintenance cleaning. I take care of our 2 cats and 1 dog. I say all of those in the present tense because we currently still live together but are sleeping in separate rooms. I also financially supported him by lending him money and letting him pay less of the rent because I made more money. I accept all of him including that he has terrible time management skills, he can have a hard time controlling his emotions at times, and he is disorganized and messy. I also accepted that I would have to wait for marriage and children because of his school and accepted that he did not have a lot of free time between school, work, and his hobbies. I supported his love for his hobbies by accepting his purchasing of expensive equipment even when he owed me money, traveling to watch several events that were important to him, and traveling to see him win an award from his job. I would write heartfelt cards for every holiday. I also bought him dozens of children's books about love that I wanted us to read to our children one day.
When I realized I could lose him, I felt something change inside me. It was like I could feel a hole being blown in the wall I had built up. I felt all my love for him overwhelm me. I couldn't hug him, kiss him, or tell him I love him enough. I tried to talk to him to apologize for my behavior and how badly I'd hurt him. I tried to explain how I felt like a different person and how I really wanted to work hard on improving myself as a partner to make our relationship work. I tried to prove my words with actions. I wrote a list of things I needed to work on including communication and being more affectionate. I also wrote out a list of ways to work on those things and actually started doing the things on the list. Some of the items I had already begun to do like hug and kiss him more and tell him I love him more. I also tried to ask more questions about his interests/hobbies/day. I was more vulnerable and talked with him about my feelings more. I even initiated intimacy, something I had really only done once in a blue moon when I was intoxicated. I also set up my individual therapy sessions.
Despite all of my efforts, over the next two weeks, he continued to say he did not know if he could be with me and wanted to know what else was out there. He was very wavering and said multiple times "I don't know what the right decision is." He said he could not trust that my changes would last and that it was probably too late. I begged him to try couples therapy, but he refused and said "Therapy takes too long" and basically said it wasn't worth the time. He finally broke up with me after 2 weeks of going back and forth and I was devastated. He later talked to a mutual friend of ours and changed his mind about therapy. I was so happy to hear that he had changed his mind. However, now I feel like I can't even trust him anymore. He's turning into a person I don't recognize and I don't know what he's capable of anymore. I don't know if the man I love still exists. When he told me he was now agreeable to try therapy he said "We're still broken up, but I won't talk to any other girls." and then promptly said "And it will give me more time to find a place to live if things don't work out." He deleted several Instagram posts that had photos of me after he agreed to try therapy which makes me think he's not actually that open to healing our relationship. He complained to me about how he might have to take out student loans after I told him he needed to pay me for half of the rent while we're broken up and not decreased rate he had been paying me. He also "checked on me" on the night of the 3rd year anniversary of my brother's death when he heard me crying. Then he just sat on the end of the bed scrolling his phone while I cried as if he was checking on me because he felt like he had to and not because he wanted to. When I asked him if he had some sort of deadline in mind for the therapy, because he had previously mentioned that it takes too long, he said July or August and I have a suspicion that is because a girl he likes is leaving for summer break but will be back at the end of August for the next semester.
I just feel like the way he has been acting is not how you act towards someone you were in a relationship with for almost 6.5 years. Especially after saying you still love them and have no negative feelings towards them. That means even though you don't think you are a good relationship match, you should still want to treat them with respect. You should care that they are hurting during this time. You should want to comfort them in their grief of a separate event. You should mean it if you say you want to try therapy.
TL; DR : Do you think therapy will help?

Okay Context. I've got a gf (we've been together for 2 years). I have a friend (guy) who I occasionally hang out with to go get lunch and stuff. My best friend (of also ~ 2 years), I want to keep a good and happy friendship with her. '
First case: BSF wanted to hang out after school. I tell her that the place she is going to be is too far away for me to drive (at this time, I didn't know it was going to be 15 minutes away), i didn't know. From my mental map, it was pretty far (yk how it is). She told me she was going to be studying, but would stop to talk to me. This place was her father's bakery. I tell her that i'm not trying to drive too far away from the school because I would have to pick up my younger brother later. she leaves. I'm hungry. i ask my guy friend to go grab something to eat 10 minutes away. she has my location. she knows i hung out with him. shes mad. (she thought i was going back home, which her father's bakery would be on the way too, but instead thought i chose to hangout with my guy friend over her). i repeatedly try to reassure her that that is not the case. she doesn't believe me. i tell her i can hangout after her concert on saturday. she gives dry responses.
second case: guy friend starts a bad conversation with best friend. it is guy friend's fault, i watched it happen though. he indirectly calls her a terrible person. they argue. afterwards, she tells me that i should've defended her and called him out. i talk to guy friend, he believes he was in the wrong. i apologize to best friend for not defending her and guy friend's behavior.
third case: at the concert saturday, she tells me that there is "no plan" to hangout. i ask her when her concert ends so we can maybe grab something to eat. she tells me she doesn't know. I tell her i'll just "wing it" hoping that sometime between her rehearsal and concert we can get something to eat. time between concert and rehearsal is short. there is no time to eat. after concert, i'm playing outro music on piano for people exiting. she tells me goodbye, and leaves. Im driving home after the concert. She texts me to go to Panda Express. I tell her i can't, i'm already almost home. later, she says i should apologize for not being to hangout. i do. yet, i tell her that it is sympathetic and not apologizing for a mistake i made. she brings up the guy friend events again. i have already apologized for those events, so i felt that it was wrong for her to bring them up again in a case that didn't have anything to do with guy friend. bsf claims "so sorry i didn't let you know in advance i would get hungry" (in response to me saying she could've planned something with me).
TBH I love my bsf very much, but lately i feel like shes been awfully controlling and unreasonable. if you're still reading this, please i need your input. am i the asshole?

For context my bf (21m) and I (22f) are together since 2021 when we started dating we made a rule that none of us will get jealous if the other one see somebody else and thinks "oh this person is attractive, or cute or beautiful" because the eyes were made to see and get mad for something like that is stupid, fast forward to November of last year I was in my fifth semester and I noticed a boy and I started to think that the boy was attractive nothing more than that I see him in all my classes but that feeling didn't go so I call my bf and I told him "Babe there's this boy in my class and I think that he is attractive I'm so sorry for feel this way but I needed to tell you" my bf didn't get mad, he feel horrible sad he cried so much and of course i was feeling bad for making he feel that way, since that moment he didn't trust me anymore he forgive me and I promise him that i would do anything to earn his trust again and that's what I'm still doing. In the same month we started to work in customer service I resigned a few weeks later because the things with the boss were really weird but my bf decided to stay a couple more weeks for the money, next week after this he came to my house and told me "I started to have feelings for this woman (32f) we are close I know that even when you were in the workplace I was always with her but when you resigned I feel alone and she makes me feel handsome again because i didn't feel loved or handsome since you told me that you started to think that a boy was attractive to you, I don't feel love for her, is more like sexual attraction because is prohibited, if you want to broke up with me I deserved it because I'm a piece of shit I'm the worst man I broke your trust and I feel disgusted with myself for that" I was absolutely broken and I couldn't stop crying, that woman can be his mother and he feel that way, I didn't broke up with him because he had the courage to tell me everything instead of cheat on me, he was also crying and I decided to give him another chance I ask him to be away of that woman and he agreed, spoiler he didn't. We were trying to fix our relationship a week after Christmas I checked his phone because we have the others password and it was never a problem and everything was right we have a movie night we went out with all of his friends and it was an amazing night but he seems mad so I ask him what was wrong and he said "you know what is wrong" we tried to be happy on Christmas Eve, I teach him a recipe with his family we all were so happy but sometimes I noticed him in his phone like hiding something next day we already agreed to broke after Christmas but we were trying to see if we can save something so in that moment i was still his gf so i took his phone for some photos that I needed and the woman was texting him he didn't want me to see the texts but i see them and that broke me more, all of those days together he was talking to her because i already checked his phone and they were making plans to see each other he was texting all night of Christmas Eve with her I get so mad and I give him his phone and he couldn't even say a word I was crying in his bathroom for a long time I couldn't go home because it was so late, we went to bed and talk about everything and we were crying and then we broke up I go home in the next morning i texted his mother to say thank you for everything and tell her that we were over but surprise in less than 24 hours he texted me that he cannot live without me and he made all kinds of promises so we were together in less than a week he told me that the day we broke up he didn't told anything to his mother but he see her crying when she got my message, now together again his mother tolds me to not let him play with my feelings and in new year we even dance under the stars that was so cute. We were so good fixing everything nothing could stop us but we started to have small discussions this week for my plans for the future and how this is not the same as his actually they are the same but in different order and suddenly he ask me if I was cheating on him, of course I'm not cheating on him and I reassured that to him I ask him the same and he is not cheating but he says that he started to think about that because he is still thinking about the boy of last year, how is that even possible? I forvige him for everything and he is still thinking about the boy that I used to think that was attractive, I don't know how to feel and what to do, I really need advice, he knows that I won't give him another chance if he broke up with me again in this moment he was so simple with me I asked if we were fine and he says no so I'm give him some space also we haven't seen each other since the last month for our finals of the university, so what should I do, I don't want to lose him, I love him with all of the things that happened but even if he assured me that he loves me both of us were doing everything to gain the trust of the other again and he did it, I don't doubt about him on anything but is just like of nothing he doesn't trust on me, I need help really.

Hi everyone, I'm looking for your advice (sorry for the large text)
Just went on date with a girl (we are both around 30yo) I matched and been texting with for 2 weeks. She's looking for something casual with a connection (no HU or LTR) and I'm on the same mood.
Texting is good, she replies and is interested on keeping the conversation alive from the beginning so I decided to give her a chance. We texted for a few days, she laughs a lot at my jokes and after a moment I was slowly engaging for the option of meeting her, which she seems very interested. I also tried to check if she liked flirtatious talk, doesn't seem like it so I never forced it.
I'm a really busy guy and focusing on myself now, so I asked her out the second Saturday night after we match. I decided to take her out for some pool table at a bar, she liked the idea. I also told her that because of my job and the stress that comes with it, I had a health issue and because of that I need to shave my head now. I told her in a funny way and she doesn't seem to care much, so I was reassured. We were also already joking about a second date, so to say.
Here is how the date went:
We first decided to meet for a little walk around the bay, we walked like 30min, talking like we talked by messages and I felt like she was interested in me.
She's a 3Xyo woman studying and working here, but knows that she wants to go back to her country (that is why she doesn't want an LTR). I'm also here only for a few months so I perfectly understand her point of view. Very elegant, chill, classy, but with a mindset of woman that needs to feel independent (no problem for me)
After the walk, I asked her if she wanted to go to the bar or wanted to eat some food if she was hungry. She proposed to go to a restaurant that sells food from her culture and I thought it was really cute.
At the restaurant, we talked like 2 hours (60% me 40% her). During the discussion, I felt like she was very not into the small talk. Everytime I talked about basic subjects, she laughed a lot, but I could see that her non verbal was very closed, hands crossed, etc.. So I decided to focus on things that were more intellectual like philosophy, her feelings about the world, how does she would like to do things if she could and of course I talked about my professional life which I have a lot to say (I was a doctor student and I'm now an entrepreneur working online).
From that moment, she changed completely. Her non verbal was as open as possible, she kept replying fast, 100% eye contact, she almost never blinked I think (scary), so I think we both enjoyed that type of conversation.
We stayed until the restaurant closed and she insisted to split the bill because, as we talked earlier, she likes when the guy offers but she prefers to keep an independent attitude and pay for her things (Not a red flag for me as that's what she referred also before we met). No worries for me on that subject.
11PM, gentleman, I ask her if she would like to have a drink or maybe I accompany to her home safely if she was tired. She said it was late for a drink, but would enjoy that we just buy a bottle of water (we both don't really drink alcohol) and just find a spot and continue the conversation.
And this was my clue, I think, to ask her about how she would like to pursue our meeting. But stupidly, I was so into offering her the most enjoyable conversation ever that I didn't even go upfront with her about what she feels, if she likes me, if she would be interested in going further and I'm really facepalming myself right now. However, the conversation lasted up to midnight and offered her to walk her home as she felt she was getting tired.
She offered me to accompany her in between so that I could grab a cab easier on the main street. I do believe she's keeping herself safe by not showing me where she lives (green flag in my opinion). But I feel like it was also a clue for me. Like why ask me to accompany her closer to her home if it wasn't to show that she waited for me to be upfront again, but no, I was stupid enough to do nothing.
In the end, I take my cab, I kiss her goodbye and tells her that it was nice meeting her.
Conclusion: I feel like the date went 90% great, and absolutely, utterly failed like a dumbass the 10% most important part that is to show her that I really liked our meeting and might be interested in seeing her again or even ask if she enjoyed the date and would consider a second one. I'm still a bit ashamed of my new bald look and gets a bit nervous sometimes because I feel way less attractive that when I had a full head of hair. Plus, I think she doesn't like me to be too much flirtatious so it cock blocked me a bit as I tend to be more upfront with these things and don't wanted to screw up.
I truly believe everything I said earlier is pretty accurate and not fooling myself. So my questions now are:

• Taking in consideration my feedback, do you think she's interested? (staying to restaurant closure + offering to continue the conversation outside in a sitting spot together are big green signals for me)
• How do I manage to fix the last 10% if they can still be saved? On second thoughts, maybe it's good because she knows I'm very busy and like to take things slow to be 100% true to my words and thoughts. But it may bad to wait too much time to reply to her.

My idea is to wait until tomorrow and maybe reply to her by Whatsapp joking about something that I know will tell me instantly if it's dead or not. Then following her attitude, if she seems interested, tell her that I really like our meeting and would like to know if she would be interested in a second one.

• Is it a good idea for you to reply directly tomorrow, like 1-2pm, or maybe a bit later? I know it's a lot of overthinking but I truly think it will be disrespectful to wait more than 24h to tell her a feedback about our date and seek her point of view as well.

Thank you for your time

The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)

1. Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
2. I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
3. All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
4. I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
5. Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
6. And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!

Names on the original FMH blog

• Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
• Trouble
• Waffles
• Future Husband Brian (FHB)
• Cookie
• Peter Pan
• Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
• Bad Bitch Man

AOL chatroom Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”

Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok

The Traveler
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)

Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021

The Boomerang
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”

Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches

The Schmoozer
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches

The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”

2022

The Discoball
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO

Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022

Captain Kirk
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended

Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back

2023

The Falcon
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after her asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’

2024

Pie Guy/Dr. Laundry
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22

I was at a rainy antique's show and I forgot my rain jacket. My friend gave me her emergency poncho from her car. It was massive on me and it looked like I poked head and arm holes in a giant white trash bag.
We were walking around, making jokes and looking at dinnerware. I turned and this really cute guy and I made eye contact for a millisecond - I didnt think much of it. Immediately, he came up to me and said "I will regret if I don't ask you for your number" and I was like "moi??" I thought he meant my friend who is more conventionally attractive lol. I have actually never had a guy not in a club or similar setting as me for my number. Also, I looked like a walking trash bag.
Wild, I looked so stupid in that poncho XD he's a cutie, text me Evan :)

Hello INTJ I am once again back…
Mostly just a thought dump but also I am genuinely curious about your opinions about the line between a boundary and an ultimatum.
I (27 F ENTJ-A) am still in relationship limbo with someone (34 M INTJ-A). We have been seeing each other for almost 3 months. We live in different cities, though not super far away, but I would say that we would still count as medium distance. It takes about 1.5-2 hrs one way. That said, I did a little math and we have spent 45% of those three months meeting in person. The data is a bit skewed because we went on a trip to Japan about a month into seeing each other but in any case, we see each other a lot. A minimum of twice a week, with pretty equal effort of me going to his city or him coming to mine. Daily texting (not uncommon in his culture) typically each morning, throughout the work day. Phone calls 2-3 times a week. I have no doubts that we seeing each other exclusively because lmao there is literally no other time to be spent elsewhere.
We have in these three months: Met some of each other’s friends, spent 4 days abroad, he had a surgery and recovered at my house (I removed his IV for heaven’s sake lol), spent both our birthdays together, and I met his sister.
When we were in Japan, he introduced me to his friends as his girlfriend assuming I wouldn’t understand the Japanese. When discussing it later, he back tracked. He has continued to skirt defining the relationship. My feelings about this have been mixed from neutral, to relieved, to a little annoyed. I don’t think I’m very quick to develop feelings but proximity, stability, and all that jazz will do that to a person. I have checked in every few weeks to get a read on his feelings and he says we’re “still getting to know each other” and often says “/if/ we were dating” which is one thing and if this was his constant narrative I wouldn’t mind as much.
The bigger issue is if he gets a drop of alcohol in him, he talks a lot about marriage. We’re both divorcés with similar stories—we both got married very young so it’s not surprising his mind defaults to marriage. Mine does too, but I keep that fairly under wraps. He’ll say things like, “When we have a son… When you move in… Oh when you meet my mom, you should bring…” things like this. I live abroad in his country and said something about worrying about my visa extension next year on one such phone calls and he replied immediately, “Why are you worried? Don’t you think we’ll be married by then?” Which would be cute and maybe endearing if he wasn’t so adamant that we are not dating when he is sober. It’s the back and forth that bothers me more. I don’t drink much, so maybe I could just be misunderstanding, but I certainly don’t say things opposite of what I mean when I drink so the whiplash in his stances is getting to be a bit much.
He also asked me to move to his city and speaks often about how great it will be once I do. I think, if we’re dating, that makes sense because I’m a freelancer and can work from anywhere, he is tethered to his job. I have a chance to extend my lease for 3 months or move at the end of June. But… we are not dating.
Aside from the fact this may hint at a bit of a drinking problem, one’s patience tends to grow thin. I know INTJs can be slower to act, and enjoy having the chance to weigh their options, and perhaps I have a bit of that ENTJ self inflated ego but I don’t love being deliberated on. I have been patient, warm, and accommodating and while I don’t think that automatically should be rewarded with a relationship, I also worry about developing deeper feelings for someone who doesn’t have the intention of committing. Of course, the last three months has also been a significant investment of time, and money, but opening up and falling for someone isn’t easy for either of the NTJs I don’t think. I would say that I’m in the beginning stages of in love with him and I worry about letting that deepen without commitment.
On top of that, I worry that being overly accommodating will backfire. A lot of dating advice for women is to not be /too/ easy to date. While that doesn’t come naturally to me, I think it’s time to assert a boundary. We’re currently at about 75 days since we met but truly an insane amount of hours spent together, which I think is fair enough time to decide whether this is a relationship or not.
We have a date planned this week after a job interview in his city and I think I plan to approach the conversation like this:

1. “How do you define dating? Objectively.” Get a sense of what constitutes as a relationship and then compare and contrast with what we’re doing. Share my definition of dating. Try to keep the conversation open and exploratory.
   
2. Tell him that I don’t feel confident about moving to his city given the uncertainty of our relationship at the moment. Even if this conversation results in a title, I will push the move to the Fall at the earliest.
   
3. Set my timeline. If we’re not /officially/ dating by the 3 month mark, I have to take a step back. It’s not good for my self-esteem and I can’t give so much of my time without some security. I’m not sure I would stop seeing him all together but ~* girlfriend treatment *~ would have to be reduced for the sake of my own feelings. If possible, it would probably be healthiest to stop altogether.
   

Depending on his reaction, I could be flexible of course. My instinct is to want to continue dating but it does feel like a betrayal of my own standards not to assert a boundary. Does this seem unfair? Am I impatient? I married my first boyfriend at 20 and that didn’t work out the greatest obviously lol. I have since spent a year or so in the dating market so in truth, I really don’t have a lot of experience in this department. I’m genuinely curious and outside perspectives are welcome.

Her post: https://www.reddit.com/relationship_advice/s/ooTwyFNwWk She only showed me this a few days ago, but for the past couple of weeks my now ex gf has been curating the truth to extract as much validation as she can from this situation, and has prevented me from commenting or sharing my side.
She admits that I actually said - that I bought a house with us in mind. I did say that. When i first met her, I was moving away to LA. I had already lived in a home that was paid off for 12 years, but when i met her; i decided that maybe it's best and continue to build a life here, and should things work out, we could figure out a future together.
I had been looking at the market and one day, an amazing house came on the block, for 300k less than it was a months ago. I pounced and went to see it. That night i told her i saw a place, i even sent her the photos and said, i'm going to place an offer, which i did.
She seemed to love the place and see how much of an upgrade it would be from my current place - this is a 2M house, with 4 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, 2 living rooms and most importantly, a garage as my cars kept getting stolen since i didn't have one at my current place.
There was never mention of us moving in together right away, at the time we were together for 6 months, wayyyy too soon. We weren't even saying "i love you yet" - and i did say that once actually, and she just didn't return it anyways.
That being said, since we spend 95%% of our time sleeping at my place when we see each other once a week, figure this would be good for us, and when it is time, we could move in together there and go from there.
She loved the place, from what she said, this was supposed to be a positive.
Now let's rewind though.
3 months into the relationship, she asked to borrow 4000$. I was not comfortable with it, but as usual, she made herself seem so much in need, that I couldn't say no and just break up with her there, but now I realize i should have. She guilted me sayinf that couples have to work together and be there for each other and all that jazz.
The fact is, within those first 3 months, i had brought her to LA while i had to be there on business and the total cost of the week that she was there was around 3K. Then, over xmas, we went to another city, another 2-3K, as well as a punta cana vacation for 7K. So after all that is when she decided to ask me, and you don't need to be a genius to realize thst she chose me because clearly, she pinned me as having the money to.
Had this been my wife or long term gf, this wouldn't of been an issue, but 3 months in - this was a big flag and i talked to her about it. As usual, and as a pattern throughout this relationship, she would get extremely angry, lose her cool and make me feel bad for "questioning her character".
So, fast forward to me actually moving into this house over a 3 week period. She helped none whatsoever, never offered and my own family, friends, and people who were working at the house asked me about it apl the time. Oh she has school, oh she texts me though and so on. Completely MIA until of course friday or saturday night where she wanted to go for dinners or go to shows - that we did, of course.
One day, once her exams had tailed down and she told me she was waking up early to write a paper, i saw that she posted a sunshine kissed selfie saying: yoga! Meal prep! Coffee! Sunshine!
And i wrote her privately: " you know, i feel you could have at least offered to help in some way today". Again, she loses it, tells me : " you know you don't have to tell me something just because it bothers you" and then eventually she says, and i will never forget this ever : " don't you think you're expecting a little much of me for 7/8 months of dating"?
I was shocked. For some reason, pressuring your bf for a 4000$ loan 3 months in, but offering help in any way over a 3 week period is too much.
I called it off, decided i don't need her and this relationship wouldn't work with this set of values we don't share.
A couple of days later, after trying whatever she could to flip this whole fight on me, constantly chaging the goal post as a pattern i had identified and made her aware of repeatedly over those 7/8 months, she eventually showed up unannounced, apologizing profusely, and apparently seeming to genuinely recognize that it wasn't right, and she could have offered.
I took some of the responsibility once she did, and said that maybe, i could have been more direct as to when and how.
We resolved, we started to laugh again, this was a fight that we would "learn from" we both said.
Well, last week we disagreed for another simple issue, and she blew up as she does, yelling, calling my life chaotic, calling me eveything she can think of, and then says she resents me for wanting her to help with the house when she had exams!
Basically she took back the apology fully and stormed out of the house, i did not chase her. I did not text her, and i did not want to negotiate at all anymore.
The next morning she said she acted like that because i told her she was fucked. Tbh, i don't remember saying that, but i probably did as she was having a massive blow up.
I apologized for saying that she is fucked because afterall, whatever i do is in my control and tried my very best to get her to see that blowing up like that, is her behavior to be accountable for.
That's when she shared the original thread... again - no words, shocked that for a couple of weeks in the background she had been farming all these comments about me, sharing our personal stuff and curating it in a way to make herself look like, you guessed it, a "victim" whose boyfriend "bought her a house"?
We met off hinge. She asked to borrow 4000$ from me 3 months in, and I told her since then that it just didn't look good at all, and I'd hate to have something like that i couldn't even share with my friends / family.
The facts are that she only shared as the relationship went on:

• she is over 40k in debt
• Got fired from her nursing job because the educator had it in for her
• Missed out on receiving funding from the school because of their online portal
• Wasn't able to apply to graduate because the school didn't let her know properly
• Hates her parents even though they gabe her a car, paid for her exams and other failed attempts at schooling in the past
• Told me that her last relationship was "toxic" and she didn't see a future with him but stayed with him for 3 years and when they broke up, he threatened to jump off their building, same building she currently lives in - where 1 bedroom costs more than my previous mortage did for the 12 years that i paid it.

Overall, yes i had reason to play it slow with her. I didn't want her moving in on a technicality, or making me responsible for all her bills or getting trapped if things didn't work out.
I didn't buy her a house, i bought my house, in cash, paid in full and she was well aware that.
I bought a house because I had settling down in my current city in mind after meeting and had hoped it would work out.
But here she is complaining about if she would have an office in it, for...nursing?
A shoe room? I have 25 pairs of shoes in a closet. The spare bedroom would be for a baby's room, possibily if my future half is comfortable with that. Discussions would be had but i realized that discussions would never be had with her.
She has rage in her mind, a wild sense of entitlement and at present time is currently getting evicted from her apartment, and has no full time job but all the time in the world to make reddit posts for validation.
This problem is solved, she is not going to move in, and i am accountable for my house and hope she becomes accountable for "her house".
I welcome any comments / questions but i know I was dealing with a highly problematic person who will never truly realize her ways.

Compared to other tales in this community, this is just dumb. But I have no actual friends at this point (hahaha) just people I hang out with and no one besides my boyfriend to actually talk about stuff. I also refrain from talking about my relationship issues in general since the people around me frown upon my relationship greatly (he’s 42, I’m 20. I know it sounds creepy, but he’s really nice), so I always try to focus on the good side when I talk about him.
I fell in love with my boyfriend because he is an extremely loving, caring man. Very dedicated to spoiling me and making me feel good. He used to compliment me all the time about the smallest things nobody has ever noticed about me. Never took me for granted, always came up with ways to surprise me. It was very noticeable that he loved me and I also love him very much.
He is a musician who plays in bars. When we started dating, I’d stand and watch his band play the entire night and barely drink since I usually work in weekends. However, he told me nobody does that and I should start enjoying the bar like everyone else. So I started, slowly, having a beer or two and talking to more people.
That worked out nicely for a while, until he played in a specific day I didn’t have to work the next morning and I allowed myself to party a little harder.
I socialized , got way too drunk and fell asleep in a chair. No big fuck ups, in my opinion, considering some people do or say really shitty things when they get this drunk. But it was a big deal for him, for sure. Next morning he was super upset about the fact I barely watched the band, fell asleep mid set and was a pain in the ass to wake me up.
He was very, very, very upset. I also understand that he has had a relationship with an alcoholic in the past that really traumatized him, so me getting black out drunk wasn’t very cute and helpful.
We talked it through. I understood his side, sincerely apologized and promised it was a one time situation. We were broken up for 3 days, then we met up because I needed my charger back and the flame was still there. We had amazing sex and he asked me to be his girlfriend again, all I wanted.
However, since then he has been treating me very differently. First of all, he always reminds me of this incident. Every single time we go out he makes a bitter joke about it and it makes me feel like shit. He’s also been saying that his back has been hurting a lot so he rarely ever feels like sex. When we’re together, despite the issues above, he’s very nice but not as caring as he used to be. I always have to initiate cuddles, conversations or make the effort to see him. But the worst part of it all is that he’s barely texting me. He usually goes out at night around 9pm and I won’t hear anything from him until 5pm the next day. His texts are always very blunt and short. Like:
“How is your day so far?”
“Good”
“What are you doing tonight?”
“Going out”
This wouldn’t be terrible if he didn‘t get me used with paragraphs for a “good morning“ text.
This Monday I told him I would have quite a busy schedule, but we could see each other Saturday night. He agreed. Yesterday I texted him about one of his favorite bands (that I don’t even like) doing a free concert today and he left me on seen. I texted him in the morning, asking if we would go, because if yes I’d have to take a nice change of clothes to work to get there on time. Again, at 5pm, he texted me “I never heard about this concert, I have different plans”. I felt wrenched.
I think that this whole drunken incident hurt him more deeply than he’d like to admit. And to be completely honest, I understand I triggered him but it’s not like it was a recurrent or planned situation to make him suffer, so I dont think I deserve this kind of treatment. Maybe I should break up with him for good, because it feels like he doesn’t really want to be with me anymore but can’t say it. This hurts me a lot because I still love him a great deal, but I would rather be broken up than feeling like shit.

I've Been Doing a Lot of Whatever the Fuck I Want Lately and I Like It
It's the day of Ayonna's Zoom court hearing so she's thinking about survivalist jailhouse makeup hacks. They've improved since women used to use scraped paint chips off their cell walls as face powder, dampened red paper as rouge, permanent markers for eyebrow pencils, Kool-Aid doubling as hair dye and blush, and M&Ms as lipstick because deprivation causes innovation for self-preservation. That and Jamahl's excruciatingly murky explanation of his 2-year wedding day gap even though he's as open a book as a text at a class final that provides no specific answers to a general essay question. It's not that he wants to delay a ceremony displaying his love for Shellfish publicly; it's about financing a befittingly royal wedding for the ghetto version of Prince Charles and the late Diana Spencer to whom the masses must bow down, and that includes the judge who simply doesn't understand the trials and tribulations of a multi-tasking single mother with behavioral problems negotiating her child's breakfast.
Court: . . . will continue matter until she can show up in court next week since we are clearly inconveniencing her. 🙄
Ayonna: I'm just a single mother with no help. You're not going to tell me I can't feed my daughter; that's never going to happen. Is it ok if I give my daughter breakfast?
Court: We are in court here. This is a court proceeding. ⚖️
Ayonna: Ok. Just be hungry. 😏
Four years probation because the judge's gnarly attitude is taking it out on me? Girl, what are you talking about? Bitch, you're gonna' tell me I can't feed my daughter? She can kiss my ass! I'm livid. Livid! 🤬
Jamahl: At the end of the day filled with dickheads, we still gotta' bite our tongues.
I'm not selfish; I've just decided that taking your feelings into consideration is too much damn work.
Keep Your Head High and Your Middle Finger Higher
For someone more accustomed to being abused than amused, Candice has said "I love you" to Andrew more times than the repetitive phrase, turn down for what, in the party anthem by DJ Snake and Lil Jon of the same name. While Andrew, true to his word, kneels and immediately proposes, Candice hesitates, and in that moment, resembles a raw double-chinned Pillsbury dough girl with an unnatural sheen, a face too sunken in its gravity to show happiness, and sad raisin eyes reflecting physical distress. But Andrew doesn't clock any of this; he's carrying out his promise to Candice's mom in a dream he made up though she has more eyes on her truck as she doubtless recalls her fond days of street racing, driving without a license, attempted stolen vehicle, felony burglary and constantly running from the police. If she were wearing cargo pants, she could stuff them with the faux Louis Vuitton handbag contents to savor as she completes her halfway house program so she can change addresses. If he could see past his own needs, he'd notice she was trying to figure where the hell he got the idea she cared. If I've cut you, it's because you handed me the scissors.
Patience: What You Have When There Are Too Many Witnesses
Joey is taking advice from Minerva, a sex columnist who looks like Chris Farley in drag who was super stoned and wandered into the backrooms of "Saturday Night Live" for a costume change and makeup refresh before rehearsing his Fellatio 101 sketch outlined on a chalkboard: Watch amateur porn for tips. Practice dirty talk. Get excited about being excited. Use both hands simultaneously and don't bogart that spit. Don't forget, steady wins the race. Freshen up before getting online and spending money for a rented motel room far away from your parents so you can have 15 minutes of precious sexy time before your monogamous lover warns you to deactivate your online profile that his friend saw. Hey, I found your nose; it was in my business.
The King Eats First
Once again, the kids are savvier than their parents. A striking Cheyenne and Nehemiah adjust their schedules to Rob's extended sentence that Tennie tries to embroider in her naïveté while every family member is worried about their displacement when Rob physically enters the picture even though he's already there in camera spirit. It's a which-came-first-the-chicken-or-the-egg question - is it a good thing the alpha male has streams-of-revenue for Tennie's shopping jones or is she shopping because she's worried about getting with an alpha male? He's a poker king like Marcelino making 6-7K a month in jail even though online playing for real money is prohibited, and I doubt his pod mates have that kind of extra cash regularly available. Any man in this day and age who can tell a woman to "sit down and be cute" must have it figured out as a lion doesn't care about a sheep's opinion. I bring too much to the table to be treated like a napkin.
Does One of Your Balls Hang Lower Than the Other?
Rick looks like a twig the wind blew off a tree or a stranded lost lamb in a field surrounded by hungry landlocked predators looking for a banquet. Sandy is sending him pictures of the reunion to remind him of her existence while 4x-married Samantha is positioning herself to long-distance bullrope and hog tie her bachelor into a ball-and-chain before he has time to think about how he's going to stretch a rigorously set pension into providing her commissary and visitation requests. His pickleball buddy, Dan, doesn't really give a damn; it's only his nieces who are rightfully tut-tutting her dictatorial attitude and snarking, "Fifth time is a charm." "Maybe I do have options," Rick muses, but then turns around and crows, "She builds me up." Sure, right after she shakes him up - like a snow globe. It ain't what you don't know that gets you in trouble; It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.

I have a child from a previous relationship and her mother can be to put it nicely, demanding and manipulative. I met my gf 6 months ago. She the greatest thing since my child was born. But over these 6months my child's mother has, continuously called (up to 350 times in 2 hours), treated my gf, threatened me, told me she'll text her to say I cheated on her and many many more. And today was too for her. She called me one and I answered to tell her about our child night since she slept over last night. And she proceeded to ask about breakfast I said she had a pancake at a diner and she didn't finish it so l put it in a box. I told her she left it in my car but l'll bring it over later. She then yelled at the top of her lungs how she can't eat it now and that l'm a horrible human being for suggesting that. I hang up I can see my gf getting mad. So I don't answer the following 7. After our outing to the science center she told me she was done. She said she though she was blocked and that she can't take this back and fourth any more. I told her that I'm sorry forever and that she is blocked but she called from a NO CALLER ID so I can't block that. She asked me to pull over in the raid and she'll walk home. I told her no let me bring you to the house. She opened the door while I was driving and after that I relented. I asked her to talk and she said no don't talk to me. She went inside right after me before I could talk her down, l've been In the most of rain for three hours now. I left and bought her flowers. And her favorite candy but she won't come to the door or even unblock me. I know it takes time and whatn I need to show her how sorry I am. Idk what to an. spinning out of control.
Edit: she broke up with me. Or at least for now my baby mama sent gay pictures to her acting like it was me. So that’s that. I’m sorry I wasted your time. And I’m sorry that I’m a horrible person who doesn’t understand love. Thank you

A little backstory
About 4 years ago i met him. He had transferred schools and we hit it off. We played fortnite together all the time on facetime and just got along. He had sent me a text at the end of the year saying: “Thank you again for the wonderful school year, you were my first friend here”. I replied 6 months later saying how i didnt see it and only saw it because i was going trough old texts. (The message before it he had mentioned he was sorry i had lost my dog which was the reason i didnt reply because it was really recently and i couldn’t handle replying) The next year we only had one class together so we didnt talk as much but in class just a “hi” and then we would talk a little. After that year we didnt really speak anymore. We both didnt have any of the same classes and we never really met in the hallways and if we did we just smiled.
This week after about 2 years of no talk whatsoever he sent me a chat on snapchat (a coincidence because i had looked at his profile only a few days ago and i couldnt see his snap score which means he probably didnt have me added anymore) then the following conversation was held
(He is x and im y) X: hey how have you been (Random conversation) X: “sents snap of him” Y: your hair is longer i like it X: thanks Y: “sent snap of me” X: still pretty Y: your hair? X: no you dummy Y: oh ty ☺️ still? X: wdym still? I never found you ugly Y: oh haha X: is that not allowed Y: oh no ofc it is X: do you have a boyfriend or ex? Y: nope X: oh. Fit check? Y: “sents snap of outfit” noting special X: quite cute Y: ty ☺️ your turn X: that sounds kinky “sends snap of his outfit” Y: sorry didnt mean it to X: i didnt mind it Y: oh haha X: so whats your type? Y: oh i dont really have one they just have to be nice X: oh so me? “In the snap he was laying with his face in a massage table” Y: haha what are you laying on (smootly ignored his question) X: a massage table Y: oh haha i thought something like that X: oh why you wanna give me a massage? Y: uhm nty X: because? Y: thats weird
And now we just send snaps back and forth without any texts in them. What does this all mean? Im so confused and i dont know what to do? I need help

A little backstory
About 4 years ago i met him. He had transferred schools and we hit it off. We played fortnite together all the time on facetime and just got along. He had sent me a text at the end of the year saying: “Thank you again for the wonderful school year, you were my first friend here”. I replied 6 months later saying how i didnt see it and only saw it because i was going trough old texts. (The message before it he had mentioned he was sorry i had lost my dog which was the reason i didnt reply because it was really recently and i couldn’t handle replying) The next year we only had one class together so we didnt talk as much but in class just a “hi” and then we would talk a little. After that year we didnt really speak anymore. We both didnt have any of the same classes and we never really met in the hallways and if we did we just smiled.
This week after about 2 years of no talk whatsoever he sent me a chat on snapchat (a coincidence because i had looked at his profile only a few days ago and i couldnt see his snap score which means he probably didnt have me added anymore) then the following conversation was held
(He is x and im y) X: hey how have you been (Random conversation) X: “sents snap of him” Y: your hair is longer i like it X: thanks Y: “sent snap of me” X: still pretty Y: your hair? X: no you dummy Y: oh ty ☺️ still? X: wdym still? I never found you ugly Y: oh haha X: is that not allowed Y: oh no ofc it is X: do you have a boyfriend or ex? Y: nope X: oh. Fit check? Y: “sents snap of outfit” noting special X: quite cute Y: ty ☺️ your turn X: that sounds kinky “sends snap of his outfit” Y: sorry didnt mean it to X: i didnt mind it Y: oh haha X: so whats your type? Y: oh i dont really have one they just have to be nice X: oh so me? “In the snap he was laying with his face in a massage table” Y: haha what are you laying on (smootly ignored his question) X: a massage table Y: oh haha i thought something like that X: oh why you wanna give me a massage? Y: uhm nty X: because? Y: thats weird
And now we just send snaps back and forth without any texts in them. What does this all mean? Im so confused and i dont know what to do? I need help

Anyone else dated someone who’s family and friends all have mentioned your weight at one point or another? Its never to my face either i always hear it from my boyfriend 🙄
What really bugged me recently was when my boyfriend told me that his best friend and him were talking (idk why i was mentioned or what the convo was even about) that his friend had said “shes cute but she needs to lose weight” like okay? Why does that even matter to him. I just dont understand why that has anything to do with his life its soo annoying! 😭
Another time was when my boyfriend’s friend had told him that my boyfriend’s brother was saying some really nasty things about my weight to him. Mind you ive never been mean to this guy ever ive always been super respectful and greeted him & his gf when i see them. I feel like i can never get away from everything being centered around my weight nobody sees me for just me its just automatically “shes fat” 😐

I (F22) have a friend we can fall Max M(21) we started out as co-workers in college (January 2022) Max was in a long term relationship with his HS gf and I had just gotten out of a super toxic relationship. We were purely platonic and in a friend group together. I started dating guys causally and he stayed with his girlfriend often times doing group dates. Everything was going well. Fast forward to August 2022 Max broke up with his girlfriend. I wasn’t seeing anyone at the time and we hung out in friend groups, he was a little flirty and a mutual friend we had (Ashley) would always ask me if I would ever be into Max and would say we would be so cute together. At the time it was so platonic I couldn’t see myself with him at all, he was cute and kind but I just couldn’t imagine myself being sexual with him. I didn’t think too much about Ashley’s comments and I assumed she was just being a typical girl trying to be a match maker. I also didn’t think much about Max’s flirty vibe because he was naturally like that and he had mention he was crushing on a regular customer we had at work. I even encouraged him to date her. And after a while he did date her, it lasted 4 months and he dumped (February 2023) her because it wasn’t going well.
Fast forward to April 2023 I was about to graduate college and move across the country when Max started asking to hang out one on one, we went on three unofficial dates and it finally hit me that he did actually like me, I still did not like him in that way but I hadn’t had sex in about a year and didn’t want to move to a new place with out having had sex in such a long time and being rusty (I know stupid logic) so we started sleeping together and it went from friends, to friends with benefits, to just hooking up and leaving without speaking much really quickly. We did this for a month and half and then I had to move (May 2023). At this point I had finally developed feelings for him but he now only saw me as a sex object (I assume).
His brother lived where I was moving so in July 2023 he went to see his brother and came to see me a few times. I did not treat him too well, I let him sleep over one night and didn’t make him breakfast and kinda rushed him out the next morning, in my defense I was acting like the sex object he saw me as, I wasn’t going to act like a girlfriend and do things he didn’t deserve. (He did Uber 40 minutes one way to see, I don’t think any guy in their right mind would do that for just sex) I then over the course of next year flew home a few times and saw him each time, when I flew home he would take me out to dinner first and then we’d go back to his place. We never texted or talked unless I was flying home and it was only to set up our “date” then we’d go back to never texting.
Then he went to basic training in April 2024. He asked me to write him letters everyday and I did. In one of his letters he sent to me he wrote that if he saw me he would cry, elope, and run away with me. When he got out of basic training it was a complete 360 from our usual behavior , he texted me every day for about 2 weeks and called me a few times. He even sent me a picture of himself and asked me to put it in my wallet. He also asked me to keep writing him letters even though he was out of basic training. He said he would re-read my letters and that they made him so happy, he said thought a lot about me while at basic and after. He was being very flirty again.
Something I forgot to mention: We both have jobs that make us move around a lot and would be difficult to ever be in the same place.
It seems like thing went from him liking me> him treating me like a sex object> back to friends with benefits but only speaking when I flew home> him speaking to me everyday> to now?
The advise I’m looking for is: Does he like me or is it just a typical case of a man playing games and wanting no strings sex ?
Are his intentions pure and this is just a confusing situation?
could this ever work and how would it work?
And just generally what the fuck is going on here?
Thanks Reddit! This is my first post so apologies if it’s long and poorly written!
Real life Max if you read this pretend like you didn’t.