Girlfriend birthday poems

I (26F) met my ex (27M) and my former best friend (25F) at the beginning of university. I introduced them, and we were close throughout our studies. After graduation, I moved away, and my relationship with my ex ended, though we remained friends. About a year after our breakup, my former best friend visited me for my birthday and mentioned that my ex had been asking her out after our relationship ended. Although I had no intention of getting back together with him, I felt uncomfortable with him dating a mutual friend. I decided to remove him from my social media and move on, but I stayed friends with her since, as far as I knew, she wasn't pursuing him romantically.
Two years later, she visited me again and revealed that my ex had actually started asking her out during the last two years of our relationship, and neither of them told me. They had grown closer while I was studying abroad, staying together in another country. This actually felt like a major betrayal. There's nothing I value more than my time, and both of them had just let me waste two years in a relationship where my partner was trying to cheat on me.
She apologized and mentioned that even though he had a new girlfriend, he was still asking her out, and she didn't know how to handle it. I told her that I had lost my trust in her, and she promised to rebuild it. However, a few weeks later, she and my ex took trips to two different countries for about a month together without his new girlfriend. In the past, if you'd told me they had something going on behind my back, I wouldn't have believed you, but this, along with everything else, was really changing my perception. They were now doing the same thing to his new girlfriend. It's not my place to say anything to the new girl, but I do feel very bad for her. I decided to cut both of them out of my life. I didn't share this story with our mutual friends to avoid damaging her social circle, believing she might eventually change and she'll need those friends more than me for now.
However, I learned that she told our mutual friends that I cut her off because of my ex, which isn't true. Many things have come to light about my ex since our breakup, revealing that he wasn't a good person, and I regret the time I spent with him. The reason I ended the friendship was the loss of trust in her, not because of my ex.
Am I the AH? How should I handle the social fallout? I love my life now - I'm in a prestigious grad school, have supportive family and lovely friends outside of my uni bubble, I have a really well-paying job, and am beyond grateful for everything. However, it bothers me that our mutual friends only know her version of events. Her family still reaches out to me, and I don't have the heart to tell them about our falling out. Her mom once said to me, "I love you because of how much you love and take care of my daughter." It sucks to lose them, but I'm okay with whatever version she tells them because I don't want to disrupt her relationship with them. I was thinking of paying off one of her student loans as a birthday gift before I realized she was spending it with my ex. I helped out another friend with grad school fees and bought gifts for my mom instead. Is there something I'm missing? Was I unfair to her in any way?

Looking for a bday gift tailored for my INFP GF

I had a girlfriend I met at work who is also in my friend group. It started with her catching feelings for me and I, not knowing about her pre-existing conditions, reciprocated which led to an official relationship. After we became official, she moved about 300 miles away due to her abusive father kicking her out and so she lives with her mother now. After a couple months of trying to keep the relationship alive, I ended up breaking up with her due to personal issues and long distance.
So I said she’s in the same friend group as mine. We all worked together and are super close knit. When I broke up with my girlfriend, I thought that maybe we could stay friends. But I’m starting to get worried that might not be the case.
My EX is back visiting for 2 weeks because we wanted to celebrate her birthday with all of us together. Now that she’s back, I can see that she’s not handling the breakup as well as I thought. EX told me that she wanted to meet up with me one on one to talk about the breakup and sort of clear the air and finalize things. When I went over, she says that she has been having suicidal thoughts while she was away, constantly thinking about me, and says she is alone when she isn’t here with all of us. That led to me sort of trying to make her feel better with hugs, which led to us making out (consent given). Now, I know this was wrong and regret doing this because this has led to her needing me in every second she’s here visiting.
The next night, I tell her that we’ve broken up and that we need to establish boundaries if we want to stay friends, but now she is saying I’m awful for initiating. She doesn’t eat, always crying, can’t sleep, no energy to move, and generally just stays in bed crying. The only time she isn’t crying is when I am there with her. I’ve tried talking to her to give my support in hopes that she would be able to sleep. I’ve talked to her close friends who’ve known about her condition and suicidal thoughts and they said she’ll be ok. I’m worried because when I leave her house, she begins crying, telling me that there’s no point in living if im not next to her, and generally showing signs of unalive. I’ve talked to my friend group and they think she’ll be ok. But Im worried once she moves back, she will hurt herself. I am typing this now in her couch because she wouldn’t let me go home since she wouldn’t be able to sleep.
She is so attached to me that she said every second she’s here it has to be with me, otherwise its wasted. And she said once she moves back, its the last time me and the friend group will see her. What should I do? She used to take meds but she stopped.

I had a strange relationship with deconstruction as my dad was trained at a university level to do apologetics. He was an LDS chaplain in the Army, and every night for scripture study, we got discourses on the nuances of our faith and justifications for every question we ever had. I didn’t swear until I was 18 years old, or drink caffinated anything until about that time as well, because it was never a matter of justification. It was what my family, my tribe, my people did, to go to church on Sunday, and to be worthy. I was senior patrol leader and assistant to the bishop if that clarifies who I was. I didn’t have “God will reveal it in due time” parents. I had “Here’s the answer, here’s contemporary discussion about it. Here’s some reading material if you want to learn more” parents, except for they were wicked smart, and had biased conclusions.
I was called to serve in the Mexico City East mission. Shortly before opening my mission call, I broke up with my girlfriend at the time. i left BYU-I and went home to prepare. I received my endowments after lying to my stake president about my worthiness to enter the house of the lord. I came clean, and he threatened to not let me go out for a year because I was unclean. The prick made me talk to a therapist to be cleared for the mission field. The therapist had a brain and let me go out. When I was giving my mission farewell speech, I wrote it to include the teachings of many religions in it. I had drawn inspiration from the 13th article of faith “We believe all things, hope all things-“ and wrote a poem about how Adam and Eve related to the Resurection and Atonement of christ. My dad tells me the stake president was shifting in his seat like he wanted to pull me down from the pulpit. Prick.
The CCM was a pleasure to attend because of my district. The guys in my district there held a secret thanksgiving feast after hours when we were supposed to be in bed with food we had smuggled out of the cafeteria. We had look outs so we wouldn’t be caught by the patrolling teachers. My district was placed under surveillance because of politics against our spanish teacher who we could tell actually cared about us, and we were transferred into a classroom with one sided mirrors, and microphones hanging from the ceiling. An apostle came to speak to the entire CCM, and I thought we would get a chance to meet with him directly, or that he would be even remotely accessible in some way. He was kept away from us, separate and removed even though we had the same mission. I played a lot of volley ball, and got into shape enough that I touched the rim of a basketball hoop for the first time while I was there.
My first companion was a native speaker, and liked to spend the mornings in the cyber (Internet Cafe). He would make sure I was on LDS.org while he looked at softcore porn on instagram. We would spend hours there, and I was disappointed that this was the mission.
We went to a previous investigators house, and while there, we saw preparations for an animal sacrifice. These guys were putting alcohol, cocaine, and blowing smoke onto a white chicken, and placed in into a cardboard box with a bunch of black chickens. They showed us a room full of weapons, with blood and feathers strewn all over the floor. We noped the fuck out, and went home.
I requested an emergency transfer after spending most days in the cyber, watching my companion deface JW’s property, and being an all around dick to me by telling me how to shower and how to sleep.
For his replacement, the person that would help me with his bastion of knowledge, they gave me a white guy who spoke as much Spanish as I did because he was only a transfer further into his mission than me. They made this poor kid senior companion to me before his first transfer was over. Why? Because the kid was a workaholic.
The first thing this elder and I did when we got to our apartment was to pick up and leave to go to the house of a member who had just died. We sang at the wake. I sang in a language I didn’t know, for people I didn’t know, with a companion I didn’t know. We sounded pretty damn good. The elder began setting appointments with the non-believing family members during the service. I just sat and watched the mindless kids chase the family dog.
This elder skipped lunch every day, and made me do the same. We knocked every door in our area twice that transfer. One time, he got very sick, and was delirious out in the sun with me while we were walking. I made us go home for lunch that day, and he made me promise to wake him up after thirty minutes so we could get back to the Lord’s work. Three hours later he woke up, chewed me out for letting him sleep that long, and then begrudgingly thanked me for making him rest.
One time, while walking, this Elder expressed to me that he also had some questions, but he was afraid to share the details because he knew my own testimony was fragile. I pressed him for details of his plight, and he revealed to me the darkest part of church history that he had learned while we were in the CCM, that Joseph Smith had drank alcohol while in Carthage Jail before he died. Thoughts of Fanny Alger, of Mountain Meadows Massacre, and of my own mother’s rather recently implemented looser interpretation of the word of wisdom all flashed through my head. This guy was supposed to be my teacher? All I could do was express how sorry I was for his confusion, and told him to have faith. Heaven knew I couldn’t help him.
One night with this companion, it was storming hard, and the streets were flooded. This guy refused to let us go home. We climbed along fences to avoid getting our already wet shoes soaked, and waded through a foot of water to get to the doors that were slammed in our faces. There was a loose wire on a door bell, and when I rang it, I was shocked by the completed circuit the water made. Rejection after rejection piled up. Finally, my “senior” companion said that this was the last row of houses. On the last house of the last row, there was a family that was all deaf. The father opened the door, and was suprised to see us and didn’t know who we were. I remembered the sign for Jesus from my grandparents who started and ran the ASL endowment ceremony in the Saint George temple. The family was thrilled we knew the sign. When I asked if we could come in, the family politely waved goodbye and closed the door on our faces.
Another time when it rained, something fell into my eye. It was one of those freak nature accidents, and small enough that I couldn’t figure out how to get it out without a mirror. The thing stayed wedged in the corner of my eye for hours before we got home and I could finally get the foreign object out. Looking at it on my finger, I could see it was a small green spider. Days later, still in pain, I pulled what I can only assume was accumulated webbing from the spider that I’d crushed against my eyeball off of my lower eye lid. The pain stopped after that.
I bought a $500 camera. It was stolen within a month.
This Elder and I had the good luck before transfers to baptize two children. They would have been baptized anyways, so I didn’t do any actual converting, but I taught a few lessons, got in the water and did the dunk. Bucket list item, check.
I didn’t have enough time for laundry on P-Day, so I’d wash my outfit and dry in on the radiator through the night. Transfers happen, and my new companion lied to our land lords about the electricity bill, paying it in full but not giving a reason as to why it was so high. I didn’t care anymore, I just needed something clean to wear, but these land lord had treated me and my previous companion well, better than the previous landlord who had stolen our cleaning supplies. I felt these people deserved honesty. My senior companion capitulated eventually, and he and I butted heads regularly after that on the morality of things. I think in hindsight he was a smarter and better man than I was.
The new land lords, the “Lagunez Family”, were wonderful. They included us in their activities, and I felt like I had some people in my corner. When I eventually came home from my mission, a daughter of the family had written me a goodbye letter. She is currently serving a mission. They made some great music, and I have “Infiltradors” on CD, the official name of the band the father of the family was a part of (he was the drummer).
I knew the whole area by heart by that point, so I navigated us to our appointments. Half of the landmarks I watched for to know our location were interesting buildings with unique colors. The other half of my landmarks were dead dogs whose decaying corpses had become second nature to see. I began marking how much time had passed by how deeply a certain dog on a certain dirt path’s chest was caved in.
There was an apartment complex in my area that I had been told not to proselytize in because “It’s dangerous.” Turns out, those people didn’t have any money, so the church didn’t want them. That complex was past the dog and to the east about ten blocks.
My companion and I knocked on a door, and visited a man who was missing his legs. His daughter was there, putting dirty water on the aching wounds. He had a single room for a house, and wheezed when he spoke. He couldn’t afford medication. He still went out and worked all day for his daughter, and gave her whatever money he made, trusting her to keep him alive somehow. The church expected this man to pay tithing. The church expected me to tell this man to pay tithing.
I got the chance to hike up a mountain. At the top, I played chess with a chess set I’d procured from one of the best rapid chess players I’ve ever met. He had been the ward mission leader. He was a good man, a good father, and I wish him the best.
I found another man who was deaf and spoke sign language. I sat with him, and convinced him to come to church all by myself while my companion talked with some tienda tender. I was so excited because this was my own personal project and it was going well. The man came to church, and I sat with him through sacrament meeting. In Sunday school (I can’t believe I did this), I accidentally drooled on the guy. I was just talking so he could read my lips, and I guess I forgot to swallow at some point because a dolup of spit landed on his arm. I apologized profusely, and he played it off, but I never saw that investigator again.
My companion and I knocked a door one day, and a man answered. He wore tattered clothes, and maggots were burrowing into and out of his feet. He muttered something about the stars, missing his wife, and he began to tear up. My eyes stung from the stench. The door closed. Somehow, I knew the man would be dead in a matter of weeks.
I had lost hope that I was doing anything worth while. I looked down on the Doc Martins that had stayed with me five months at this point. I was angry with myself for being so useless in the field, angry with the church for giving me leaders that didn’t listen to my needs or perspective, angry with my mom for drinking while I had to teach people that it was a sin, angry with my dad for giving me the skills and knowledge to justify anything, even pedophilia in the early days of the church, to the point where I could look someone in the eye, and knowing the kind of man Smith was, tell them he was a good man and a true prophet of God. Suddenly a man approached us. He said he recognized us as missionaries, and asked about our message. This never happened. People didn’t just come up to us unless they were crazy or dangerous. But this was a public place, and this guy was genuine. My companion talked to him, and gathered his story, but I was plotting something else. I was done with not caring about these people in a way that mattered. I was tired of walking in another man’s shoes, a man who wasn’t me, who believed different things than me. The chopped leg, the rotting dogs, the infested feet, it all swirled into a single thought in that moment.
What would Jesus do?
I walked over to the man, and in broken Spanish asked him to stand next to me. He did so, and I compared my shoe size to his foot. It was a perfect match. He protested, but I didn’t let him get a word in edge wise. I took off my shoes, put them on his dirty feet, and laced them up nice and tight. Those shoes had cost a ton, and had been meant to last the whole mission. All I had left at this point were my fancy dress shoes that gave my blisters back at the apartment. I didn’t care. I walked home in my socks that day, happy as a lark.
Covid-19 hit a month later. I was one of the few they brought home instead of quarantining. After having served only 6 months. I told God if he wanted me to stay home, he’d have to make them release me.
They released me. I think I was one of maybe a hundred missionaries that were released due to Covid. The church realized their mistake pretty soon after I was released. Once Covid infrastructure began to develop, they didn’t release any more. I guess I didn’t serve a full two years, but I did serve a full mission.
My brother served, and he nearly killed himself due to intense depression brought on by Covid quarantine and poor leadership (I’ve got a few mission president stories, but those are for another time).
I learned lying to someone’s face from my mission, and spent the rest of my time at BYU-I as “nuanced” until the last two years, over which the most epic hoe phase imaginable became my new mission. I spent those years terrified of getting a call from the honor code office.
I’m married now, with my degree irrevocably in my possession. I have friends and loved ones that are in the church and are working on their mission papers. I’m beginning to feel powerless again. I’m seeing the decay again, not on legs, feet, or dogs anymore, but in the souls of the people who the church raises to do their dirty volunteer work. I see them like the animal sacrifices I saw being prepared. I’m not sure what shoes I have left to give to those people that I know are going to be in pain.
My parents are out completely now. It was a long time coming, but they are out and so much happier. I’m working on building a new relationship with my family, one based off of the fact that we won’t be together forever, so we have to make the most of our time together now.
Happy Sunday guys, best of luck to you all. And most importantly, chupa la piña.

I (26F) met my ex (27M) and my former best friend (25F) at the beginning of university. I introduced them, and we were close throughout our studies. After graduation, I moved away, and my relationship with my ex ended, though we remained friends. About a year after our breakup, my former best friend visited me for my birthday and mentioned that my ex had been asking her out after our relationship ended. Although I had no intention of getting back together with him, I felt uncomfortable with him dating a mutual friend. I decided to remove him from my social media and move on, but I stayed friends with her since, as far as I knew, she wasn't pursuing him romantically.
Two years later, she visited me again and revealed that my ex had actually started asking her out during the last two years of our relationship, and neither of them told me. They had grown closer while I was studying abroad, staying together in another country. This actually felt like a major betrayal. There’s nothing I value more than my time and both of them had just let me waste 2 years in a relationship where my partner was trying to cheat on me. She apologized and mentioned that even though he had a new girlfriend, he was still asking her out, and she didn't know how to handle it. I told her that I had lost my trust in her, and she promised to rebuild it.
However, a few weeks later, she and my ex took trips to two different countries for about a month together without his new girlfriend. In the past I’d you had told me they had something going on behind my back I wouldn’t have believed you but this along with everything else was really changing my perception. They were now doing the same thing to his new girlfriend. It’s not my place to say anything to the new girl but I do feel very bad for her. I decided to cut both of them out of my life. I didn't share this story with our mutual friends to avoid damaging her social circle, believing she might eventually change with and she’ll need those friends more than me for now. However, I learned that she told our mutual friends that I cut her off because of my ex, which isn't true.
Many things have come to light about my ex since our breakup, revealing that he wasn't a good person, and I regret the time I spent with him. The reason I ended the friendship was the loss of trust in her, not because of my ex.
Am I the AH? How should I handle the social fallout? I love my life now – I'm in a prestigious grad school, have supportive family and lovely friends outside of my uni bubble, I have a really well paying job, and am beyond grateful for everything. However, it bothers me that our mutual friends only know her version of events. Her family still reaches out to me, and I don't have the heart to tell them about our falling out. Her mom once said to me “I love you because of how much you love and take care of my daughter”, It sucks to lose them but I'm okay with whatever version she tells them because I don't want to disrupt her relationship with them. I was thinking of paying off one of her student loans as a birthday gift before I realized she was spending it with my ex lol, helped out another friend with grad school fees and gifts for my mom instead. Is there something I'm missing? Was I unfair to her in any way?

TLDR: My boyfriend is amazing, but has depression which makes him constantly upset and irritated with me, making me extremely paranoid and on edge with everything I say because i’m scared he’ll get upset. He keeps saying he’d change, but goes back to how he was, but he is now seemingly making more of an effort to change by changing his medication and going to therapy. I still feel very paranoid and anxious with him even though he is doing better, but i’m worried that in the process of him getting fully better, he’ll go back to how he was, and I don’t know how much more of it I can take. He is an amazing man and I love him so much, but I’m worried I will always feel on edge when I’m with him. Any advice?
Hi! A little backstory, my boyfriend (19M) suffers from depression, and has always taken medication for it since he was younger. Right before we met, he had taken a gap year to focus on his mental health, and got to a point where he went off his medication because he didn’t like how it made him feel (zombie-like). We first met (we technically already knew each other but that’s besides the point)around 4-5 months before he would’ve started college again, and got together around 2 months into being friends. As school came around, he became really scared that he would have to take another gap semesteyear, because even though getting off his medication helped to an extent, he was still struggling with dealing with his mental health. At the same time, he was worried about getting on medication because he told me that he experiences and adjustment period for the first 6 weeks that causes him to become irritable and agitated very easily and have increased suicidal ideation, but even after the adjustment period, irritability would still be a side effect that he had to deal with and manage.
Eventually, when school started, his mental health did become worse, so he decided to get on medication again, and he did go through an adjustment period. It was a struggle- it was hard seeing him very sad and depressed all the time, and I always tried to help him as best as I could- offering to help him get ready in the morning/drive him to school if he couldn’t get out of bed, helping him with assignments, etc.
At the same time, he definitely became constantly agitated with me. If I didn’t hear him say something and asked him to repeat it (although this was also an issue before he started the medication, but i feel like it got more pronounced), he would basically get very clearly annoyed and quiet, barely talking to me or shutting me down with one word responses. If i didn’t text him for a couple of hours (i have adhd and will sometimes forget to text, which i know is reasonable to be upset about, but he would also do the same thing when playing games with friends), or talked just a bit too much (another adhd symptom, which again i understand can get annoying because i can sometimes go on for VERY long), or if i forget something (an item, memory, or something he told me before), or if we have a recurring joke but for some reason just didn’t like it that day, or if i called him on the phone unprompted (which he does to me too, so i didn’t know that was something i couldn’t do) or if i just say any normal thing but for some reason he just didn’t like it that day, i would be met with irritation, passive aggressiveness, and the silent treatment. I would’ve been slightly more okay with it if it was just a few minutes and then he was back to normal, but he would continue like this for HOURS. If we started talking in the evening, and i said something that slightly annoyed him, it was basically a guarantee that he would be essentially silent for the rest of the night. Not only that, but this happened almost every single day.
I’d like to note that he never expressed his irritation in an angry way, or yelled/said harmful things about me/did anything physical, he would just become very quiet, and anything he did say was very clearly in an irritated voice, as well as passive aggressive remarks.
Eventually, I talked about this with him. When i did, i basically completely forgot that his medication was a reason for a lot of what was happening, so when i talked to him about it, I didn’t mention medication at all. He told me that his medication caused a lot of his agitation and at first accused me of not believing that his medication caused side effects/not taking them seriously, but eventually apologized and said that it wasn’t an excuse and that he’d do better, but also said that sometimes i misinterpreted him as upset when he really wasn’t (which tbh i don’t believe, because sometimes if i pointed something out that he did, he’d say he wasn’t upset or annoyed at all, but a day or two later, tell me he was irritated with me).
He did do better for a bit, but after around a month it basically went to the same way it was before. This went on for a few months, I continued to have conversations with him, he continued to tell me he’d do better, and he would be a bit until he wasn’t. To be fair, after the 6 week adjustment period was over, he still was not doing well at all for about another month, and so he increased his medication dose, which made him have another adjustment period, and he did tell me that his biggest concern was how he’d treat me during that time, so I decided to keep being patient until he got his medication under control.
Fast forward a couple of months, and I was seeing improvements- until about 2 months ago. We saw each other a lot more often; before this time, we’d usually see each other 1-2 times a week and we’d have some sleepovers, but in those two months, i’d stay over at his house for 3-5 days a week. During this time, his irritation got way worse. He definitely valued his independence, but would continuously ask me to stay over, it wasn’t like I urged him to let me stay over. Here are some examples of things that happened:

1. before i came over, he told me how he didn’t want to think about making food because he was stressed over schoolwork. I asked him if I could make him something, he told me yes, so I made pizza while he showered. I’ve made pizza several times before, he made it once with me(also, i’ve cooked for years while he only started occasionally baking things when we got together since i liked to cook/bake), and when he came down, he saw the pizza dough was slightly stickier than it looked when he made it with me. He got annoyed and kept asking what I did wrong, and that from now on, i should only cook when he was with me to make sure I don’t mess it up, and then basically became extremely quiet for the next 15-30 minutes. I think he realized he sounded super weird saying this, and tried to turn it into a joke after those 30 minuted, but it made me feel really bad in the moment becsude I only wanted to do something nice for him. By the way, the pizza turned out great- my friend came over to eat with us and told us it was one of the best pizzas she’s ever had.
   
2. These next few are connected: The next day, he was at school, and I happened to not have school that day so I stayed at his house while he was there to rest because I had a really bad headache. Again, the past few days he told me how stressed he was about school, so I wanted to surprise him. I cleaned his room, made pizza sauce for pizza since we had extra dough (he really likes the pizza), and made him cookies because he told me he was craving them a few days before. He took an uber to school (he couldn’t drive yet at this point), and so I also offered to pick him up.
   

* The first thing that happened was he has a mildly confusing alarm system I had to disable before going outside to get to the car. If i didn’t do the steps correctly, the alarm would sound. Basically, I had to disable the alarm, go through the garage door and close it fully, press the button to open the garage, go back inside and press another button tot turn the alarm back on, and go out the garage door while it’s beeping and fully close the door again to stop the beeping. He told me these directions and I followed them, and the beeping continue to happen even after I closed the door. i texted him that I was walking out the garage but there was still beeping, he told me it was okay, but then the alarm went off. I think he thought that I didn’t close the garage door yet, which is why he thought it was okay? But apparently I didn’t wait for him to fully give him instructions (which I was genuinely confused about bc even looking back at the texts now he did), and he got extremely frustrated with me, telling me that because I didn’t properly follow directions, it was now going to call his parents. He kept saying that it was whatever, and that he’d just take an uber, but I apologized profusely and kept telling him that I’d do it right. He texted his mom, and apparently he told me to press the wrong button, and that i need to press a different one instead after going back in through the garage door. In the moment, he kept saying that the other button was still right and always works for him, but later he admitted that he was probably wrong about it. * The second thing that happened isn’t really a big deal, but i’ll still include it. My boyfriend also has anxiety, and is a very big backseat driver. However, backseat driving makes me extremely paranoid and be a worse driver, so it’s just a never ending cycle. I would be following the directions on the GPS, and he would keep telling me the directions as if I can’t see them myself. For example, if i’m about to turn right, he’d would keep repeating “turn right over here” a bunch of times, each one more with more urgency, as if it isn’t what I was already doing. He will pick apart everything I do, and tell me not to talk too much or turn the music up too loud because it would distract me. Again, to be fair, because of my ADHD, I do get distracted easily, even on the road, but it’s usually pretty manageable, and I’m able to talk on the phone/listen to music when driving when I’m by myself. The problem is with him, I get paranoid over what i’m doing, so I get distracted, and I guess that makes it seem like the music/talking is what’s distracting me. Again, when he backseat drives, he also gets extremely agitated/quiet, and he basically continued on like that for the next few hours. * Lastly, when we got home, he was irritated over everything I did. I did leave a bit later than I told him I would because of the things I was preparing (i think i left at 3:15 instead of 3), but I told him beforehand, and he told me to take my time and come anytime I wanted to since I was going out of my way to drive him(be told me this right when I offered to drive him and after I told him i’d be a bit late). When we got home, I told him about what i made and that I cleaned his room, but he got upset because I made the pizza sauce/cookies because he wanted us to do it together. I told him that I would’ve loved to make them together, but just wanted to surprise him because he told me he had a lot of work to do and told me he was craving cookies earlier. He said that he didn’t have as much work anymore, and told me that he thought I knew that because he told me the assignments he need to do (i did know that most of the deadlines were for that day and the day before, but he told me he had some deadlines for a few days after and had told me his whole week was busy, but I guess to him I should’ve know that most of his pressing work would’ve been done that day). He was upset with me again for another few hours, and I tried to tell him there were things we could still do together like assemble the pizza, make something the next day, etc, but he wasn’t having it. Eventually a few hours later he got over it and told me he appreciated that I made him those things, and he was disappointed that we couldn’t do it together, and then mentioned that he was grateful that I cleaned up for him (he didn’t mention it before). 

Several other things happened, but I think that’s enough to somewhat get the picture. The biggest thing that happened though was just a couple of weeks ago. We hadn’t seen each other in maybe 2-3 weeks, and so I was really excited to get to see him. He had an exam that day, so I offered to drive him, and he again said that he didn’t want to worry about making food. The day before he told me he was craving pizza, so yet again I said i’d make it before i came over (starting to think pizza and me driving is cursed). I asked him before if it was okay that I made him pizza, and he said yes, and so we agreed that I would get to his house around 2 (it was maybe 10 am at the time). I bought supplies and started making the pizza. after a while though, I guess he changed his mind about me making the pizza because it took a while. Around 1, I could tell he was getting annoyed. He kept saying that the pizza wasn’t important enough bc i could’ve been at his house already. I finished making the pizza and got to his house pretty early, maybe 5-10 minutes before 2. After that, I was still waiting in the car for another 30 minutes because he was still getting ready, and he got to my car around 2:30. He was still very upset and annoyed with me and gave me the silent treatment. I tried to keep the mood light, but again, he just didn’t say anything. When we were driving, I asked him if he wanted to play music, and what song I should play, but just… complete silence, not even a nod or head shake or anything. For the entire ride he was just on his phone, texting a few friends, and I started to silently cry because I felt so unappreciated. When we got to his campus, he went to a reserved room, but I had to stay in the car because i have a tutoring job that’s online, and had a session at the same time we parked. The person I was supposed to tutor wasn’t there for the session, which was lucky for me because right when my boyfriend left, I started sobbing. When I got out of the car I was still crying as I was walking across the street, and decided to call my friend to take my mind off of everything. Her girlfriend also went to the same college as my boyfriend, and I didn’t know exactly where I was supposed to go, so I called her to help me find where I needed to go. Since we were calling, I didn’t see some texts my boyfriend sent me, but I finally found the room. I was a bit cheered up from my friend but still sad, but wanted to act happy and normal in case he was just randomly in a bad mood and just needed a distraction. When I came in, I was happy to see him and made some jokes, but all he said was “why didn’t you text me” in the most monotone, upset voice. I told him that I was sorry and forgot, would do better next time, and was going to explain that I was on the phone so i didn’t see his texts, but he interrupted me and said something like “i don’t care about you telling me you’re going to do better, just actually do it” in the meanest, irritated tone. It doesn’t seem like a big deal at all, but he has never retorted at me like that before, especially in the way he did. That was my final straw, and I just completely broke down and started crying. He kept asking me to talk to him and tell me what I was thinking, which only made it worse because it was pretty clear as to why I was crying. He comforted me, apologized, and then had to leave for his exam. For the next 4 hours he was in his exam, I was just crying nonstop. When he came back, I was still crying, and he kept apologizing and asked if I was going to break up with him. I told him I wasn’t, and then told him that this happened so often and I felt like no matter what I did, there was something I was doing wrong, and that I felt unloveable. He again apologized a lot and told me he loved me, and later told me that he really wanted to change his medication and get therapy.
A few days later, a similar thing happened, but not to that extent. My boyfriend just got his license and offered to pick me up from one of my exams. I told him I wasn’t sure how long the exam would be, and didn’t want to let him know yet because it could’ve taken very long. I was right- it was supposed to be from 12-3, but I ended up starting later end ending around 6:30. I texted him after I finished, but he told me he wished I would’ve let him know earlier because he wasn’t comfortable driving in the dark yet, which is reasonable. He became very quiet and upset again though, and again, anytime I made conversation, he would shut it down and be really upset. I also told him that I had to move out of my dorm, and so he didn’t have to come if he didn’t want to because it would’ve been a lot of things to haul out. He said that it was okay and that he wanted to see me, and so he came over. When he did, he got upset again because we fooled around for an hour or two instead packing everything up (which he initiated), and then as we started pskcking, he became mean and frustrated again. He kept saying that he just didn’t expect to be moving me out, and that he just wanted to pick me up and go home, even though so told him before that that’s what was going to happen. After everything was packed up and we were in the car, he was still silent and upset but a bit less so. I felt really bad and became quiet, and he told me and i quote: “i’m feeling really anxious to drive this car at night, so can you just act normal”, which felt weird for him to say because I was only acting like that because of he as acting mean. I wanted to get home though because it was pretty late, so I just played some music and acted like my normal self, and that made me feel a bit better. When we got home, he apologized again, and thanked me for being patient with him, and that he’d be getting help soon.
After that, he did become a lot nicer to me. There were things I’ve said which I was sure he was going to get upset over, but he just didn’t at all. Usually, even after he’d apologize other times, he would still get a bit upset with me, but it’d only last a few minutes before he became normal again. This time, he wasn’t upset at all even for the things he’d most commonly get upset about (like me not hearing what he said for example). Hes been this way for around 2 weeks, and had not been getting upset at all, and he said he’s getting therapy soon.
The problem now is, especially because of the last two incidents, I still feel extremely anxious and paranoid when I’m with him. I am constantly on edge because I’m worried I’ll say the wrong thing when I’m with him, and it’ll be just like how it has been for the past almost one year.
Looking back at what i just wrote, these instances don’t really seem like that big of a deal, especially compared to how some other people are treated on this subreddit. I think what makes me upset is just how often it happens and how it completely messes up our entire day because he’s just upset the entire time. In the past 3-4 months, I don’t think we’ve ever had a call/hangout where he upset for at least 1-2 hours. I think another thing that really hurts me is that he just acts completely different around me vs anyone else. A lot of the times when I call him, he will get so upset and annoyed so quickly for menial things. He plays games for hours a day, so sometimes when we’re facetime and he wants to play with some friends, he’ll set his camera up so I can watch him play while i do other things, kind of like a youtube video. Whenever we’re on call and he’s upset, and then tells me he wants to play and sets his camera up, his mood instantly changes. His face literally brightens up, and he seems so much happier and talkative. I will sometimes hear his friends on the other end, and they will say/do the exact same things that he gets annoyed at me with, and it just is not a big deal at all, he doesn’t even seem to notice that it happened. Same with my friends- One day, we were planning a trip to the beach, and were supposed to leave around 12 PM. When he came home, he became upset and quiet with me again, and I kept asking him what was wrong and if we’re still going on our trip, but he just ignored me. Finally, at around 6 PM, he was normal again, and then took another hour and a half to get ready, so we ended up leaving at 7:30 PM. My friend was texting me at the same time, so I told my boyfriend to talk to her while I was driving. As we were driving (we were around 15 minutes away at this point), I realized I forgot my license. I asked him if I should turn around, he kept telling me he wasn’t sure, and he was just very upset and annoyed with me, even though judt before we left a whole 7 hours later because he was upset. We drove for an hour before he decided that I should drive back, and I kept apologizing for forgetting my license, and that we could try again tomorrow morning. His mom told us we could go to dinner or something to make up for the day, and I asked him if he wanted to do that, and he just said “why would we do that what would we even eat” in a harsh tone. Again, I tried to keep it light, telling him that I was sorry and we could start fresh tomorrow, and he said that he didn’t want to go to the beach anymore in an upset tone. Again, for half of the night after we came home, he was upset and irritated with me. Later that night, I looked back at. the texts between my friend and boyfriend, and I was in shock with just how different he was acting with me in real life vs how he was acting with her. As he was upset with me, he was texting her with updates, making jokes, and basically just making it seem like it wasn’t a big deal at all that I didn’t have my license. In real life, he acted like I was so stupid for forgetting it, and that it was the worst thing I could’ve possibly done.
I feel like most people who read this might just think he values his independence, and that aim too clingy. I too thought that maybe I just wasn’t giving him his space, especially because I’m his first girlfriend. I will not offer to call/come over as much just to see if I’m the one asking too often and he feels too bad to say no, but when I don’t, he will keep asking me to call him and come over, and ask why I haven’t been talking to him as much/initiates calls or hangouts. He’ll tell me to call more often and hang out with him more often as well. If we hang out, I’ll tell him that I’ll go home for the night and don’t plan on sleeping over, and he’ll keep asking me if I could sleep over or when I could sleep over, and continue to make plans.
Despite what I’ve said, my boyfriend is genuinely the most amazing guy anyone could ever meet. He’s sweet, kind, and thoughtful with genuinely everyone- his parents, my friends, his friends, his professors, everyone. He is an amazing tipper, he goes out of his way to do things for my friends, and anytime i mention the slightest thing he’ll go out of his way to do it for me. For example, in the first month we met, he noticed my backpack and headphones were completely broken, so he bought me a new ones without me saying absolutely anything to him. When I drove him places, he saw that it was difficult for me to look at my phone to follow GPS directions, so he randomly bought me a car phone holder. On my birthday, he made me a card out of the acknowledgement page of the first book we read together, crossed out the authors name, and put my name, and wrote a bunch of sweet, adorable things about me. Because of my adhd, I would constantly forget to chargemy phone/laptop or bring my chargers, and would constantly have no charge on both, so he bought me a pack with 10 of each type of charger, as well as a portable charger. I offhandedly mentioned that I get really carsick, so he bought me dramamine and those carsickness goggles. He bought pads to keep with him just in case I need some, and always carries pepto and advil around because i get headaches a lot and have lots of stomachaches. He helped me move into my dorm, and bought me so many food and supplies even when I insisted that he didn’t. Whenever we go out with my friends, he always covers everything. For my friend’s birthday, everyone was going to chip in to buy her airpods, but he told them he’d cover their part and essentially just bought them for her. He is an insanely hard worker, and I am so proud of him for everything that he’s been through, and he is also just the most fun person to be around. I love him so so much, and I know that a lot of the way he’s acted is because of his depression, and I know that that’s not really him. I visited him yesterday and we had a really good time, but the entire time I kept being really careful with what I said because I was scared of him becoming upset. I’m scared that this anxiety I feel around him will last forever. I want to wait until he has everything under control, but if he becomes the same way that he was before again, I don’t know how much of it I can take. I don’t know what to do or where to go from here- can anyone help me?

Me, 21F ,and my girlfriend, (21F), have been talking since August. Everything was going great, until my intuitions started telling me that she may be hiding something that I should know… This was the beginning of April.
So I started doing a little digging while also trusting that whatever it was would eventually be exposed. One day I woke up and I couldn’t ignore my intuitions so I looked at her phone and saw that she had a missed call from her exes sister (I normally don’t look at her phone). I asked her about it later in the day and she swore that she wasn’t talking to her ex just because her exes sister called.
2 weeks go by, and she leaves her phone unlocked while she went to the bathroom. It was open on TikTok so I quickly clicked the TikTok inbox/dm… to find out that she had been sending TikTok’s to her on her birthday. We spent her whole birthday together and I really spoiled her that day. I didn’t say anything immediately. Bc I was so hurt and I wanted to see if she would be honest and tell me herself what was going on. She did not.
So 2 more weeks went by and I became confused because it seemed like shes been wanting to get closer than we already are. She introduced me to her family and has been making a point to love me in my love language and in hers as well. 2 days after she introduced me, I checked her phone again to see that she had missed calls from her ex. I confronted her about it, as she swears that her ex called to ask if me and her were together when they were (we were not). My gf made it obvious that she wanted to hear from her ex. She made it seem like they weren’t in contact at all when we got together in August. She said that she had her blocked. Now they follow each other on TikTok and I find it hard to believe that all they talked about was me… She’s making it seem like it’s less serious than what it is. Does anyone have any advice, thoughts, or second opinions from experience?

About 80 dollars for a hello kitty mirror she really wants. Email me at bigbangel69@gmail.com. Please and thank you.

Throwaway,
I (29m), my parents divorced when I was 7. After the divorce, I initially lived with my mom and spent weekends with my dad. When I was 9, my mom moved in with her boyfriend, and I was sent to live with my dad. At first, it was fine because my mom would regularly meet with me, but over time, those visits became less.
When I was 12, my dad introduced me to his girlfriend, who I could tell didn't like me. I didn't understand why. By then, I was only seeing my mom once every three months or so. My dad told me to get used to his girlfriend, but we never really got along. A year later, my dad told me I would be living with my grandmother (his mom) from now on because his girlfriend was pregnant and wanted a calm house. I was angry and caused a scene. His girlfriend told my dad that I was always like this around her, which was a lie, but my dad believed her and shipped me off to my grandmother.
I told my mom I wanted to live with her, but she said she and her partner traveled the world all the time and that I needed to stay put for school. So, I lived with my grandmother. My parents occasionally checked in on me, meeting me on my birthday or sending essentials until I was 16. After that, the contact became even less frequent—no birthday calls or money for essentials. My grandmother had to go back to work to support me.
I had no idea that my dad had married his girlfriend and had two other kids or that my mom had gotten married and had twins until my grandmother told me. I started to resent both of them, but my sweet grandmother kept me grounded. She provided for me, ensured I graduated, and helped me get into a good college.
When I turned 18, as a gift to her, I changed my last name to her maiden name. She wasn't happy initially but accepted it later. My parents hadn't contacted me or grandmother for over a year and a half at that point. I went to college, graduated, got a good job, got engaged, and have generally had a good life. I haven't spoken to my parents in all this time. My grandmother passed away four years ago, I tried to text and call the only phone number I had of dad but it didn't go through and I was the only family member at her funeral.
Recently, I got an email from my dad and mom asking to meet and reconnect. I don't know how they got my personal email. My dad says he wants to apologize and attend my wedding, and his kids want to meet their big brother. He also mentioned that my mom wants to meet me and apologize as well. He even had the audacity to write that he was disappointed in me changing my last name but "understood it." He didn't even ask about his own mother. I've already moved on without them, hit multiple milestones in my life and career without their support, so I sent a reply stating I don't know him or my mom, added a few other harsh words, and told them never to contact me again.
I told my fiancée, who comes from a big family and is very family-oriented, and she was upset, saying I was too harsh. She believes I should give them a chance since it's been so long. We had huge argument about this. She kept saying how family is important and I should forgive and forget. Now, I have a feeling she might be involved with them and she might be the one who gave them my email. I talked to my close friends and all of them say I am justified on my stance but my fiancée's outburst is making me think about it.

This is my first time posting here, and I want to firstly acknowledge what an awesome community you all are and say thank you to Dr K, the HealthyGamerGG team, and all of you for the work and lengths you go to provide help for struggling individuals like me.
I (28M) have a problem. Which is that I resent women and don't trust them. And this post will probably cast me into the incel/redpiller troupe.
I have realised through reflecting on my behaviours that I interpret the actions/behaviours/interactions of women through a redpill lens. A movement I don't want to support and desperately want to believe is untrue. However, I feel that by wanting to rid myself of the redpill, I am just being ignorant to the "reality" of how things work. But believing in the "the redpill reality" makes me so disheartened and hopeless of ever finding a woman who loves me for who I am, who isn't shallow, materialistic, self interested in her wants/desires etc etc etc. <- Beliefs I really don't want to believe about women.
For context, my ex-girlfriend revealed to me that the reason she was attracted to me was because of my career. I am a guidance engineer specialising in hypersonic weapons development. I make well above the average salary and have a stable/exciting career. When she revealed this to me I was immediately offended. I felt she only loved me because of my money and status as she admitted to not finding me interesting of physically attractive when we first met. I honestly don't know if my reaction/judgement of her is wrong. I feel I made strong conclusions about her but I also believe my judgement of her was correct. Am I in the wrong?
There were other instances that she would comment on that really upsetted me. My family isn't rich by any means and this seemed to really trouble her and she would question the "competency" of our family and how she doesn't want to "marry down". She also would be upset if I didn't take her to a lavish restaurant for her birthday as she felt I didn't value her etc.
I don't want to go through life with so much hate and anger towards women. I feel so hopeless and so disappointed about the future by continuing to believe this narrative that I have convinced myself about. That "all women are like this". That women are selfish, self prioritising, lacking in morals/compassion etc. It is so damaging to myself, to the people around me, and to women themselves, and it is not fair or helpful to anyone. I wish I can whole heartedly believe this not true and that I am misguided in every way. But I find it so depressingly hard to believe otherwise. Please help.
And I apologise for the heavy rant/vent and if I have offended anyone. I am just wondering if anyone can resonate with my experience and has overcome this. Thank you.

My (25F) girlfriend and I (24NB) were planning on having just one birthday party for the both of us next month, since our birthdays are only days apart and I'm going to be visiting her (we are long distance) for the week. We thought it was a good idea to have it together. The ppl invited are just her group of friends (for obvious reasons) whom I get along pretty well and already knew beforehand. The issue came around later when she asked me if she could invite another friend to the party that's not really in the group chat, and I told her that since this is a celebration for the both of us, I wouldn't be comfortable with that.
Now, the thing is, I don't like this particular friend at all because of some stuff he did and said in the past (about my gf). They fought and fell apart for a couple of months last year and then at the beginning of this one, after blocking her and removing her from his social media and bad-mouthing her, he asked her to reconnect and talk about it. Apparently a mutual friend convinced him. My gf accepted this and went to have dinner with him and they did talk about it, he apologized for being an asshole but told her that he was just waiting for her to reach out (cause she used to do that when they fought before and now she didn’t). At the end, she told him that they couldn't go back to what they were, but they could see how things go. She asked for my opinion on this and I told her that based on the things he said at the meeting and all that, I wouldn't really trust him, but at the end of the day it was her choice and I'd respect whatever she decided on, whether they are friends again or just acquaintances. That doesn't mean I don't have my own thoughts about it though. He was an immature asshole and he hurt her and made her cry. She was dealing with a lot of intrusive thoughts and had depressive episodes after all went down. I understand she wants to forgive him, and I actually like how she can put all behind them and move on, but I'm not really like that.
Anyways, that was it. She told me she wouldn't want to hang out with him like just the two of them like before, but that she wouldn't avoid him if he happen to be in the same place or hanging out with the same friends.
As far as I know, they haven't been talking at all. But now she told me she wants to invite him to the birthday party and wanted to know how I felt about it. And I was honest. I don't like him and I would rather not see him, if it can be avoided. I wouldn't have said anything if it was just her party, of course, because she has the right to invite whoever she wants, but since it was a celebration for the both of us and since she asked, I guess I thought it would've been nice to have a say and all that. This didn't really sit right with her.
We had a huge fight about it and she told me she wanted to invite him anyways, and if I didn't want him there bc it was my birthday as well, we should do two separate parties so she can invite him to hers. Under normal circumstances, that would've been fine by me. But as I established before, we are long distance. None of my friends or family are going to celebrate with me there, so I think the idea is rather dumb; the only person who's not going to be invited to mine is him, the rest of the guests would be the same and really, would they even want to go to two different reunions with a two day difference just because of this one person? At the end, I told her it was fine and I would just bear with it. I'm not an immature person who's going to fill the room with negative energy just because of this, and the things he did are not really unforgivable crimes to the point I wouldn't want to be in the same room as him. He's just an asshole and a bad friend. I didn't really like the fact that she asked me like I had a choice at all, because at the end it was either we invite him or you make your own party outside of mine, but anyways.
So, that's solved. I can compromise on that and I also understand her point, I guess, since at the end of the day he is (was?) one of her closest friends. I don't know.
The thing that has been bothering me now is that after all of this went down, we talked about it more deeply and she told me that it doesn't make sense that I would hold a grudge towards the people that are in her life, cause the problems she has have all to do with her and whoever that person is and not, well, me.
And I don't really know how to feel about that? I had issues with some friends in the past and ex partners that were toxic, and the ppl around me despise them. I have a complicated relationship with my mom as well, and most of them hold resentment towards her for that reason and I'm aware of this. These problems are none of their business, I know, but I thought it was normal to watch them react to it and form their own opinions toward those people because they hurt me. And I'm dear to them. And it's the same the other way around. If you hurt my friends, I don't like you, whether you are a family member or an ex boyfriend or a toxic friend.
I asked her what does she think about the ppl that hurt me, and she told me she doesn't have any kind of resentment towards them because is not her place. She might not like them bc of their actions, but that's about it. If I decide to forgive them, she welcomes them back into her life as well.
So now I'm wondering, is it wrong of me to hold grudges against someone who hurts the people who are dear to me? Am I the asshole? Should I stop?
I have spoken about this to my friends but I think I need a little more perspective, cause they all behave the same way I do when we are talking about this particular topic.

Background: I have a group of high school friends that I've been close with for nearly 15 years. We are a core group of girls (5 of us), and we also have a best guy friend as part of our larger group (let's call him Joe). Over the years we've all made a good effort to see one another - including a ski trip over covid times - even though we all live across the country. We all lead busy lives, but it's "pick up where we left off" vibes whenever we reconnect.
Joe got engaged about 2 years ago and it's one of the first weddings of our group. Us girls have all been thrilled about it. Joe and I were complete besties in high school and I'd say for the past 10 years (post college) Joe and I have had a relationship of celebrating birthdays & chatting every few months/ seeing one another when we can. He's even stayed with me a few times while in town. Though we've distanced a bit since high school days, I've always considered him a life long friend.
The past few months chats with my girlfriends have gotten very quiet re: Joes wedding. I'd casually ask if anyone had gotten more info or save the dates and every time the girls would deflect. I caught wind of a joint bachelo bachelorette party (which at first didn't bother me) until I realized all my girlfriends were going. And of course, a bach party usually means wedding plans are in full motion.
The other week I point blank asked my friend if wedding invites had gone out. She said yes and that she's been very confused/ uncomfortable about everything esp. because Joe recently stayed with her and said it would be "eye opening" for me when I realized I wasn't invited to the wedding.
I was completely BAFFLED to hear this. My immediate thought was "what did I do?!"
I decide to call Joe. We chat for a FULL hour catching up, laughing, I even mention his wedding and how it's all going...and nothing. Right as he's about to hang up I realize that he has no intention of telling me! So I point blank bring up. Now or never.
Joe proceeds to tell me that he has no intention of inviting me to the wedding because he sees me as a "surface level friend". He said that he wouldn't be sure if he even sent me an invite and RSVP'd "Yes" that I would show up. And that over recent years there have been times I didn't show up IRL. He specifically mentioned his fiances grad party from 3 years ago that I wasn't able to make it to.
I can own that in recent years I've been very career driven and ambitious, but to me our relationship has always been stable and good. He told me he's been harboring resentment over the years and just tallying up all the times he's felt I've dropped the ball - I even found out he'd call my other girlfriends to vent about it.
Ever since our call he's seeking repair and feels validated that I do (and have the entire time!) cared about our relationship...but tbh I've just felt horrible. To not only discover I'm excluded from the wedding but been left in the dark all these years about how someone really feels about me HURTS. Not to mention knowing my closest girlfriends never brought anything up? It's basically making me question everything, even some of my friendships with my girlfriends. I value honesty in ALL my relationships and this feels shady/ crosses a boundary on how I conduct friendships. It feels...so high school...
AITA for not showing up or dropping the ball in a friendship?? Is this worth repair?

So my (14M) girlfriend (15)broke up with me yesterday as she lost interest in me, I told her that too and broke up with her in a hurry, she told me she didn't want to do it as it would break my heart I even think she might have tried to fix it but I gave her no chance and blocked her
Both of us were at fault, i recently sweet talked with my ex and sent those ss of me and her flirting to her current bf and my gf was upset about it
A few weeks ago i was talking to a female friend on call about agroup activity in our school and became jealous about it so she gave her number to a guy who likes her through my insta I'd ( i followed him) we fought a lot and I found out she has given her number to a lot of guys and deltes chats (I'm sure she doesn't cheat 100%)but I still feel hurt we talked about it and fixed it but then yesterday we broke up
My birthday is a week later should I patch up with her when she wishes me
Tldt - we broke up on good terms what should I do if she texts me on my birthday

TLDR: MY daughters dad showed up 2 years ago and has been inconsistent at best in these two years. AITA for wanting to block him and proceed as if he never contacted us?
AITA
This is gonna be probably pretty long and all over the place but I'll try and keep it straight and to the point.
So I have a daughter. She is 11 almost 12. For the first 9+ years of her life her dad had not been involved. ( She was a fortune product of a one night stand) When he showed up almost two years ago it was with some fabricated story that a child support case worker alienated him and threatened him with harassment if he pursued a relationship with his daughter. I did try to reach out a couple times when she was younger trying to encourage a relationship between them and all attempts went ignored. He says this is because he was afraid I was setting him up. Well up until this past December I took him at his word. He was semi involved until that point. In December he met a woman and all contact stopped minus a few check ins and multiple inappropriate messages to me considering he was in a relationship. Each time this happened I would lay a boundary. During one of these contacts he promised he'd send his child support and $100 for Christmas/Birthday gift for her. That did not happen. He instead sent me a dirty video saying he "hoped that made up for it" 🤮🤮🤮 at this point I lost my iiisssshhhhh on him and told him essentially he was in a relationship and needed to knock it off. I didn't want to see that and it was disrespectful to me and his partner.
He moved in with this partner within a month of meeting her. Red flag right?
Before he met her I was trying to help him find an apartment locally as he lives 200 miles away. I absolutely advocated for him to have a relationship with his daughter from the second he showed up because I've never been the type to keep my children from their father unless it was for good reason. He was supposed to get her a phone and pay for it so they could maintain contact. Never happened. I supplied the phone and the service and it was silent.
After he had sent me that video I had put him on restricted on FB so I didn't get any messages from him. I finally get a call from him on Valentine's day apologizing for his behavior and letting me know he was sending some child support that day.
Then at some point in March he reaches out again saying he was no longer with this girl and he was sorry for his absence and he'd do better. The following week our daughter's phone caught fire and I let him know (not that he was contacting her anyways). The next day he said his cousin had gifted him a phone and he wanted to send it to our daughter. Cool. Let's do it. Then he texts a few days later saying he would be in a town 45 miles south of me and could I meet him and said girlfriend to receive the phone and bring our daughter so he could see her. (At this point the last I knew him and chick had broken up). I said no thanks you can drop it in the mail and I would not be bringing our daughter to meet him with the on again off again girlfriend. I found that extremely disrespectful as he had stopped contact with our daughter when he met this woman and I did not feel comfortable bringing my daughter to meet her or even really dealing with her myself. They obviously have an unstable relationship. He called me petty, we had som choice words and again I didn't hear from him.
Two days ago our daughter was admitted to a psychiatric facility after I found some very concerning diary entries by my daughter talking about Una living herself.
Since coming into our lives my daughter has turned into a mean spirited person. She will fat shame her brothers, hit and push her you get siblings and is just kind of generally abusive to everyone around her. She's told me multiple times she's angry at him and very hurt.
Anyways, I figured he ought to know she's being admitted as this is pretty serious. His response was "we are trying to figure a way up there". As in him and the girlfriend were going to come up while our child was in crisis. I went off again. Telling him again he has chosen this woman over our daughter and how dare he think it's appropriate to bring this woman up here while outr daughter is in crisis. I told him it is up to our daughter if they are involved and just showing up ESPECIALLY with the person she feels (justifyibly so) that he chose over her while she's in crisis. He come back with he has no idea why I'm bringing it back to him and the girlfriend when we should be focusing on getting our daughter better. My stance is, he brought it up. He asked for eventually for us all to be able to be cool and again he implied he was going to try and bring her up here to visit our daughter in the hospital. I laid a boundary. And some how I am the one not focusing on our daughter right now.
This was yesterday and I have not heard one word from him. He has not inquired as to how our daughter is, what facility she is at, how he can contact her. Nothing. I am so irate at this point I am seeing red.
AITA for being so angry at him? In my state abandonment is after 6 months. He was gone for 9 years. He has been inconsistent at best especially the last 6 months or so. Would I be justified in just blocking him and continuing on with our life like he never showed up?

Me, 21F ,and my girlfriend, (21F), have been talking since August. Everything was going great, until my intuitions started telling me that she may be hiding something that I should know… This was the beginning of April.
So I started doing a little digging while also trusting that whatever it was would eventually be exposed. One day I woke up and I couldn’t ignore my intuitions so I looked at her phone and saw that she had a missed call from her exes sister (I normally don’t look at her phone). I asked her about it later in the day and she swore that she wasn’t talking to her ex just because her exes sister called.
2 weeks go by, and she leaves her phone unlocked while she went to the bathroom. It was open on TikTok so I quickly clicked the TikTok inbox/dm… to find out that she had been sending TikTok’s to her on her birthday. We spent her whole birthday together and I really spoiled her that day. I didn’t say anything immediately. Bc I was so hurt and I wanted to see if she would be honest and tell me herself what was going on. She did not.
So 2 more weeks went by and I became confused because it seemed like shes been wanting to get closer than we already are. She introduced me to her family and has been making a point to love me in my love language and in hers as well. 2 days after she introduced me, I checked her phone again to see that she had missed calls from her ex. I confronted her about it, as she swears that her ex called to ask if me and her were together when they were (we were not). My gf made it obvious that she wanted to hear from her ex. She made it seem like they weren’t in contact at all when we got together in August. She said that she had her blocked. Now they follow each other on TikTok and I find it hard to believe that all they talked about was me… She’s making it seem like it’s less serious than what it is. Does anyone have any advice, thoughts, or second opinions from experience?

Me, 21F ,and my girlfriend, (21F), have been talking since August. Everything was going great, until my intuitions started telling me that she may be hiding something that I should know… This was the beginning of April.
So I started doing a little digging while also trusting that whatever it was would eventually be exposed. One day I woke up and I couldn’t ignore my intuitions so I looked at her phone and saw that she had a missed call from her exes sister (I normally don’t look at her phone). I asked her about it later in the day and she swore that she wasn’t talking to her ex just because her exes sister called.
2 weeks go by, and she leaves her phone unlocked while she went to the bathroom. It was open on TikTok so I quickly clicked the TikTok inbox/dm… to find out that she had been sending TikTok’s to her on her birthday. We spent her whole birthday together and I really spoiled her that day. I didn’t say anything immediately. Bc I was so hurt and I wanted to see if she would be honest and tell me herself what was going on. She did not.
So 2 more weeks went by and I became confused because it seemed like shes been wanting to get closer than we already are. She introduced me to her family and has been making a point to love me in my love language and in hers as well. 2 days after she introduced me, I checked her phone again to see that she had missed calls from her ex. I confronted her about it, as she swears that her ex called to ask if me and her were together when they were (we were not). My gf made it obvious that she wanted to hear from her ex. She made it seem like they weren’t in contact at all when we got together in August. She said that she had her blocked. Now they follow each other on TikTok and I find it hard to believe that all they talked about was me… She’s making it seem like it’s less serious than what it is. Does anyone have any advice, thoughts, or second opinions from experience?

A few years ago during that time when I was in high school, me and my ex friend went to different schools, I wanted to go to the same school as her but I couldn't since it was too far.
I told her that I couldn't go to the same school but she told me she was glad I didn't go to the same place as her because if I did, me and her wouldn't be friends at all.
You know the reason why she said that? She said if I went there, other people would take me away from her and that she would hate me which I found that stupid. Fast forward a few years later I had a boyfriend during college (he's now an ex) When I went out to town with my family, she called to me crying (while I was in a resturant) because apparently I've been ghosting her and ignoring her saying I've been too busy to even talk.
During this time I was struggling with my mental health, my relationship and college, She would start arguments with me saying I don't have time for her, not texting back saying I'm drifting away from her. Not to mention she wrote a poem about me(I have the poem on my phone) , I didn't know what to say and she asked you're not mad I wrote a poem about you? You won't sue me right?
And I was like it's fine but in my head it wasn't fine. She would make it about herself, I listened to her constantly complaining and she would trauma dump the past. She brought up the fact I didn't turn up to choir practice while I was getting bullied.
She blamed me for that not the girl who bullied me, not to mention she and the bully were friends on Facebook, the girl who bullied me would talk trash about me to her and she would tell me the horrible things the bully said about me, I was so hurt and betrayed yet I still kept her as a friend.
2 years go by and this was before Covid hit, the day she arrived I took her to my dance practice so she could watch before my day. She complained saying that she's tired, didn't take her meds, telling me she wasted her money to come visit me. I was embarrassed when she was having a tantrum infront of everyone that I had to take her somewhere else.
It felt like a burning iron everytime she complained I was flustered and I felt tired just by listening to her. On the evening the day before my birthday party, there was no food at the house since my mother was busy preparing for my debut. She hasnt eaten food or taken her meds but blamed me again, so we both had to walk to mcdonalds in the evening around 8pm just for her to eat.
The day of my birthday party, everything was going well, I introduced her to my college friends and others but after the party we went back to our rooms getting ready for bed, she asked me why didn't you introduce me to those boys? Why didn't you spend time with me? I didn't know what to say anymore because I was tired genuinely that we didn't talk until morning.
Then after a few days I haven't heard from her, She was talking to one of my guy friends but the thing is she would only talk to me if she had problems with him and would come crying in call and texting me about it. I have been reassuring her every time she had problems with my guy friend and it was tiring, he even mentioned to me she was controlling and bossy and he was right .
I never complained about anything between me and her but she wanted to make problems that I didn't talk to her or wasn't talking to her enough, I gave her space and I gave myself space but she still complained why I didn't message her but I did several times but in other days I wouldn't talk to her because I was scared.
I never talked about my mental problems and my trauma with my SA past to her because she'll make me feel worse and trauma dump and mention the past about me leaving her repeatedly when I was bullied by the same girl she was friends with.
I wanted to cut ties with her but I was afraid that she will get mad at me because she had issues with her behaviour for always getting angry and shouting at me when we get into an argument in call and would blame me.
But I was genuinely afraid at the same time losing my only friend because I had no one else to talk to. After a month or two I was messaging her and she brought up the vaccine topic, during that time she was a student nurse and I didn't really want to talk about it but she insisted telling me I should take the vaccine. If I didn't take it apparently I would affect her "family, friends and patients" but what about me? What am I to her? Me and her live in different cities 1 hr away from each other, so how can I affect them if I live so far away? That doesn't make sense.
She told me If I didn't take it she told me people would think I'm a dirty pest and a scumbag.
I was so done, honestly so done after she posted our private conversation on her private story but apparently she deleted it afterwards just for me to see? Not sure if I believe that. I blocked her on every social media and after that I felt better, the heavy burden I held for so long was gone. I was happier without her.
I never even got birthday gifts from her even when I gave hers every year so I stopped gifting her. I wasted 9 years of friendship and stopped trusting people after that.

My boyfriend is out of town celebrating his best friend’s 21st birthday. They are naturally going out for his first legal drink at a bar, (which I am not allowed in) so I stayed home.
I thought it would be nice to be at home alone because lately it’s all I’ve been craving after work. As an extreme introvert I need a lot of time to recharge and I haven’t been able to do so since my bf moved in. But a few hours in and I am BORED OUT OF MY MIND.
I moved here from my hometown in August and I haven’t gotten super close to anyone. I have never really had more than two friends at a time, and I’ve always had people come up to me, so it seemed for a while friends just came naturally, even if it was superficial and very few far in between.
I cut contact with everyone I knew besides my family for my own mental health. I just wanted to start fresh. I’ve noticed, though, that for MONTHS. I’ve been going to work then going back to my apartment. Alone (this was before my boyfriend was able to move in, since he’s moved in, I’ve only hung out with him his friends and his band mates girlfriends, never really making any real meaningful connections of my own).
So I sit here wondering if I should hit up a coworker to spend time with me but I’m so. Goddamn. Anxious.
I wish I just had a group of people that liked me, that I could laugh with and that I could make laugh. That I could call up and they’d actually be happy to spend time with me. I’m not charismatic or relatable or like-able really. I’m kind of boring and don’t have any real hobbies I’m dedicated to and while I have many interests they aren’t prominent enough that I could have a full length conversation with someone who is also interested in those things. I feel like I just don’t have enough time to explore things as deeply as I would like to. I’ve accepted I am an acquired taste, maybe only built for desperate people that latch on and suck out all the life out of me 💀
Or even worse maybe I just suck the life out of everyone else.
I would like to be different person completely, someone people automatically took a liking to. I don’t have the slightest clue of who I am to begin with, and idk what I’m doing wrong.
I have a coworker that really wants me to join roller derby (she wants everyone to join roller derby really) but she says it would be really good for me. My bf thinks it might be a good opportunity for me to meet people but I’m nervous for two reasons.
1) I’m not a super aggressive (or athletic) person. I really don’t believe roller derby is the route for me but everyone else insists that’s it’s basically my destiny (which is extremely annoying to me, personally, like I THINK, even though I have constant identity crises, I would know myself better than they do, but they don’t listen to me).
2) Every single group of people I’ve ever met have always met me with rejection. It’s like they can sense something about me that isn’t normal.
Me: 👽 “hello”
Them: 😀…🤔🤨 proceed to never speak to me, ever
I’m an adult now in the real world but it still feels like high school. I’m still a weirdo and I’m still a loser. The theater kids didn’t even fw me.
TLDR; idk how to make friends I feel like no one likes me and I only like to hang out with my bf but I know I need to make friends. What should I do?

Context: Me(26M) and her(27F) met in our common friend's birthday (simple get together and drink), the venue is somewhere in Ortigas and I forgot the place because I'm from Cavite but it's his house. At first I honestly turned on by her because of the sex appeal (almost 5 feet long haired with tattoos on her both arms) but I'm too shy and nervous so my friend helped me to know her.
After that, my social battery went out so I find some place that I can recharge. I bought some cigarettes and got myself a drink and just sat down outside the house while they are business drinking and talking. I freaking love the moon so bad and while drinking (also recharging my social battery) I can't help but to think about life. All of a sudden she just pop out in my back saying "Can I have some cig ?" So yeah I gave her then she just sat beside me asking what's my deal in life, how did I know our common friend, etc.
Honestly my brain isn't functioning very that time because I was tipsy (on the verge of getting drunk) and I'm just smiling like a fucking idiot while she was talking, and then she asked me "what's wrong ? Are you messing with me ba or what ?" And I replied "no, it's just you are so fucking cute while you talk". And yup, after few shots I was definitely drunk and kissed that girl. The last thing I remembered is that we're making out in the back of her car, after that we go inside the house like nothings happened.
The party ended around 3-4 am I think and I kinda want to go home because I have something to do, didn't know that she's waiting for me outside and asked if I want to come with her and get another drink somewhere. Me being a self-destructive human being I came along, we arrived at this bar (around cubao) and drink few bottles of beers. I puke like a fucking looser after that and she just laughing at me, some puke got on my shirt and pants so she offered me that I just stay at her condo. Okay whatever, after I washed myself and the clothes I went to her sofa to sleep. I thought she's sleeping too but things got out of hand, yes we do the deen on her sofa. At first I was scared because I didn't bring any protection in me but she assured me that it's fine coz she's taking pills for her PCOS.
After that scary pregnancy thing, we do the deed few times. Until it wears me out, myself slaps me hard as fuck ! Aside from recently break-up with my girlfriend I have personal issues (and mental issues) that I need to resolve and yes PANGIT MAGING ESCAPE ANG FUBU/ONS/FWB/ETC. After a few days of not talking to her, I found the courage to talk to her personally and end the FUBU set up with her. At first she begged, but I stopped her, I kinda traumatized with people who beg in front of me coz I remembered myself.
After few weeks of cutting her off, she called me and wants to meet again and I said no, do you think that I do the right thing ?