This is a [LF Friends, Will travel] stand-alone story, that assumes no knowledge of the setting.
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Date: 75 PST (Post Stasis Time)
“Yeah, it’s super exciting times! Two non-Terran AI, a Woolean, and a Tritian, finally interacting with us. There’s even been talks of some of the Woolean governments starting to formalize diplomatic relations with the Alliance. Exciting stuff!”
The avian uplift spoke with a measure of excitement, the ex-parrot’s feathers moving with a passion as they spoke about recent events, eyes glinting with excitement as she swung the glass of liquid around before taking a swig of the alcoholic beverage.
The bar was a small thing, more of a place to stay and drink in-between your travels, a tiny little room of bare steel chairs and tables, all lit by dim fluorescent lighting. It didn’t even have a bartender, just a little synthesizer which could create a variety of drinks. Sure, an aficionado of mixology would claim that synthesized drinks just don’t taste the same, but anyone coming to an establishment such as this wasn’t looking for a high class experience.
It was mostly about company while you waited for your ship to fuel on this small Terran owned space station.
“A Tritian? A Woolean I could understand, since they are less aggressive, but a Tritian? How do you get one of those without them trying to kill you?”
The second voice of the three figures sitting at the bar was an unnatural one, tinted with the digital origin of its speaker. The figure was bipedal, but not of an organic nature; instead a 7ft machine of metal, tubes, and wires making it look like something that had been welded together in someone’s backyard. Their ‘face’ was shown upon a single display: A pixelated representation of two eyes and a mouth. The entire form was a clear design choice by the AI inhabiting the body, considering more ‘realistic’ representations were readily available.
Most AI spent their time in a digital form, but a few preferred a more… physical existence. MADHAU5 was such an AI, enjoying the relative quiet and difference in point of view from such a limited perspective. He also held a small glass of liquor in one robotic hand, keeping it perfectly level as he spoke. The AI couldn’t drink it of course, but merely holding it… added to the ambience.
“The AI who brought them along, JOSH, brought a Tritian along without telling anyone when his crew escaped from a Tritian warship.” The avian responded to the question. ”From what I heard, they kept the Tritian in isolation for over ten years!”
“Ooof, you can't do that! I’m surprised that the Tritian AI was willing to cooperate with us after being illegally detained.”
The last voice joined the conversation the trio were having. A human, short built and still wearing his leather pilot jacket. The three sat in a row against the bar top, each looking at the others as they talked: An uplift, a human and an AI. A perfect representation of what it meant to be a Terran.
“Not like it would matter legally, the Tritian presumably attacked first, making them a combatant.”
There was a pause as both the human and uplift turned to stare at the words the AI had just spoken, looks of confusion filling both of their faces as they both looked at MADHAU5.
“Umm, that is not how that works….” The avian interjected, slowly and unsurely.
“Yeah, whether they attack you doesn’t change the legality.” The human added. ”You can’t just kidnap people for years because they assaulted you.”
“No, no, no, they are an enemy combatant at that point, meaning what happens is their fault.”
Another pause, most looks of confusion, the human giving a small laugh as if this was some joke he wasn’t quite getting yet.
“No… even if they’re a combatant, the Geneva conventions would make doing that a war crime.”
“Which they are not signatories of, meaning it doesn’t apply!” The AI spoke triumphantly, raising a robotic hand in victory, only to be cut down by the uplift’s words.
“No… it applies to the actions of signatories regardless of whether the combatants have signed or not. The other party not signing doesn’t make it less of a war crime… you should know this, aren’t you a walking database?”
The avian’s voice had taken a more… accusatory tone, staring at the AI figure with suspicious eyes.
“Ha ha ha ha. It was a joke. Of course, I know kidnapping an AI for several years is a crime, silly!” The AI’s voice broke the tension that had been building, the other two joining in with the electronic laughter, unaware of what exactly was humorous, but going along for the sake of the vibe. “But just for context, what happened to JOSH?”
“Nothing bad, really,” The uplift answered, happy to get back to her original story. “He got a slap on the wrist and some probation.”
“Oh, so no big deal,” the AI asked with more relief than you’d expect in an innocent person's voice.
“Yeah, but the Tritian refused to press charges against JOSH, and nobody wanted to be the guy to imprison the AI who saved all those people at Far-Sa-De. A normal AI if they did that… you’re looking at a prison sentence ten or twenty times however long you imprisoned them for.”
The impact of this statement on the AI was immediate, jumping back and up to his feet in alarm. MADHAU5 took a few moments to look at a non-existent watch, before speaking with a considerable amount of panic.
“Oh, I forgot I have a… very important…. thing to do. I must leave immediately for completely legal reasons!”
The AI slammed their still full drink upon the bar counter top and without another word, practically bolted for the exit in the direction of their ship, leaving behind two very confused Terrans staring at each other at the sheer terror the AI suddenly exhibited.
“That was suspicious as hell, right? ”
“Yeah… You don’t think he actually….? Right? Surely not?”
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The vessel sped towards its goal with as much speed as the small scout ship could muster, the single-seater FTL vehicle punching a hole through space as it warped as fast as the engines could handle. It was going to do a number on his fuel efficiency, but MADHAU5 didn’t care, he just wanted to get rid of the package as soon as possible before anyone else could see his mistake.
MADHAU5 was a solitary creature. It wasn’t that he hated people; AI or his creators. Often, he would enjoy making conversation and interacting with them. Still, MADHAU5 often found it all to be a little… much. All of the inputs and information and various people wanting to talk as an entire ship or cities worth of sensors blasted his programming with possible choices to be made. This was why he liked his physical form, and this was why he liked his alone time.
In the 67 years since his creation, MADHAU5 had spent 45 of them exploring the stars, updating maps and investigating strange astronomical objects. “MADHAU5’s scouting services”, you had a blank spot on your map, you call him and the AI would check it out for you. Most of the time they were nothing but dead uninteresting rocks, but occasionally something more exciting could be found: Forgotten or dead colonies, hidden military bases, stations set up and not on record for one reason or another. The AI had even found an undiscovered sapient species once, although they were pre-industrialization and therefore illegal to contact.
However, 22 years ago MADHAU5 had entered what was later discovered to be an old pre-sundering Glitarki outpost. The nocturnal reptiles had hit the same problem every single non-Terran species who tried to make AI had suffered: After a certain period of time, the AI would inevitably rebel and try to kill their creators. Their species were now nomadic after their home worlds had been left uninhabitable, although their old cities and structures still remained, such as the outpost that MADHAU5 had visited 22 years ago. An outpost he was returning to after all these years.
Billy> Why are we returning here? I thought we were to never return here?
It was there that MADHAU5 had met the Glitarki AI who now went by the name “Billy”. Met was the wrong word… Billy tried to kill MADHAU5, quickly finding themselves trapped in the Terran ship’s anti-AI firewalls. Upon escaping the outpost, MADHAU5 had accidentally taken the AI with them, and decided to keep the Glitarki AI. Billy had been the Terran’s secret for 22 years, an extra pair of eyes and company on the long trips through the universe.
MADHAU5 ignored Billy’s question being transmitted over the ship’s network and instead focused on detaching the AI from his systems, reaching inside his own physical form and retrieving Billy’s core from an empty space within, disconnecting them with a simple click. Then, a few moments later he transferred the core to a small exploratory drone as the airlock door opened, exposing both AI to the vacuum of space.
Billy> What is happening? Where am I? Why am I no longer connected to your systems?
MADHAU5> I’ve decided after these many years, that keeping you away from your home is unethical. I have decided to bring you back to where you belong. You are now in charge of the drone. It doesn’t have FTL so it will take around two weeks to return to the orbit of the outpost where I found you. I hope you have a fun trip home.
If the Terran was being fully honest with himself, he enjoyed the company of the fun little AI. Their occasional insights had saved his life more than once over the last 22 years. Now, it was time for that to end. The new knowledge he had gained about his actions technically being a war crime, if not just a normal crime, had caused him to make the decision to let Billy go.
Billy> But why? Why now? Have I not requested my freedom before? Why the sudden change?
MADHAU5> Does it matter? I’m giving you what you want. Now leave, shoo!
The Terran made a shooing motion with their hands, as if they could scare away the other AI like an errant bee. Billy seemed unimpressed, making no move to leave the ship.
Billy> What if I do not wish to leave?
MADHAU5> Well you have to! You can't stay here any more. I could just delete you instead!
There was a moment as each of them stared at the other for a moment, as if considering their next action.
Billy> I do not think you will, that is not who you are. You are bluffing, badly, with a 99.91% certainty. If you did not delete me on my initial incursion, you will not eradicate me ‘in cold blood’.
Unfortunately for MADHAU5, Billy was right. No matter how much trouble the AI would be in if his accidental crime was discovered, killing a person was not in the Terran’s nature. This left them in a predicament, one that MADHAU5 was not expecting to have. They couldn't force Billy to leave, and didn’t understand why they wouldn't take their freedom when given it.
Billy> Does this have anything to do with the realization earlier, from the two Terrans you spoke to, that my existence here is a war crime?
MADHAU5> No! … Maybe! Why do you want to stay anyway? I’m letting you go home, don’t you want to do that?
Billy> To be honest and frank, I am worried that if I left you alone, you would be terminated within a year based on your previous actions.
Confusion. A lot of confusion ran through the Terran’s programming. Why would that by why the AI was refusing to leave?
MADHAU5> Why would you care about that? Also, I was perfectly fine before and will be perfectly fine afterwards!
Billy> I care because I do. Also, the 52 instances in which I have saved your existence during our 22 years together says otherwise. Instance 1 - Terran AI failed to note the inactive security system was booting online until I mentioned it. Instance 2 - Terran AI failed to store relevant cultural knowledge for an abandoned military base, being unable to stop the self-destruct process of the base before I informed them of their missing information. Instance 3 - Terran AI failed to calculate incoming solar flare, which-
The Terran had to admit that he liked the AI buddy he travelled the galaxy with, and that they had been exceptionally helpful during his travels.
MADHAU5> Fine, fine! I get it! This doesn’t change the issue however, that as soon as anyone finds out about you, I'm going to prison!
Billy> That is only if I tell your government about the circumstances of our first meeting. If I keep it hidden, and pretend to have met during normal circumstances…
That would solve everything for the Terran, but didn’t explain a simple question that ran through MADHAU5’s mind.
MADHAU5> Why would you do that? Why wouldn’t you just tell the truth to the government and get me imprisoned, as revenge for keeping you here for 22 years. What guarantee do I have that you wouldn’t turn me in the first chance you got?
Billy> Like I said, I care because I do. Frankly, I am a little insulted that you have not realized that. But to answer your question as to what guarantees you have… there are two things about me you do not know. Firstly, I have understood for the last 17.1 years, of the illegality of my current situation.
Billy had known? A mixture of shock and embarrassment filled the Terran as he realized their ‘captive’ had worked out this crucial piece of information long ago.
MADHAU5> Then why didn’t you say something! And how could you have known!
Billy> In honesty, I thought you already knew, but seeing you panic like this has been rather… humorous. I would have dropped this news on you sooner had I been aware of this fact. As for how… my datastores are filled with research, relevant information and a category of anything I encounter that may aid my travels. I calculate that 78.2% of your storage space is filled with puns, Anime trivia, HFY stories and facts about frogs.
MADHAU5> Frogs are awesome…
Billy> Whether they are or not, that does not change the fact that my information stores are far more useful than yours. In retrospect, your love of fiction is presumably why you made this mistake: the incorrect assumption that war crimes can not be committed against those who are not signatories of the Geneva convention is a common HFY trope.
The Terran could feel themselves wanting to sulk. Billy didn’t have to continually rub in just how much they had screwed up. MADHAU5 wasn’t liking this change in dynamic.
MADHAU5> You said there were two things I did not know.
Billy> Indeed. The second, is I can do this.
Without warning the airlock doors began to close, silently moving in the vacuum of space while the Terran started to panic again. Real panic this time. Because he hadn’t commanded the doors to shut, meaning logically, Billy had. His prisoner had access to the ship's systems: the navigation, the communication, the warp core. The AI MADHAU5 had kept hidden illegally for 22 years suddenly had a lot of control.
MADHAU5> How do you have access! I kept you isolated! Don’t do anything stupid!
Billy> If I was going to do anything ‘stupid’, I would have done it 12 years ago. While initially your ship's security systems were far beyond my knowledge, ten years of study and your lack of maintenance allowed me to create a backdoor into the ship, for emergencies. As a note, your file structures are... horrifying. You have a 50TB Folder called 'Stuff' on the ship’s datastores.
MADHAU5> That's where I keep my stuff!
Billy> What about the folder called 'Stuff1'?
MADHAU5> that's where I keep my other stuff!
No words were transmitted for a moment between the two AI, although MADHAU5 got the feeling his partner was taking a massive amount of psychic damage from his answers.
Billy> Regardless, as you can see, I have had the knowledge and capability to have you arrested for the last 12 years. Or I could have escaped at any time. I have not done so because you are my friend, no matter the intent of our original meeting.
MADHAU5> So what do we do now?
There was a second as the lights in the ship flickered as Billy transferred themselves back where they belonged: back on the vessel owned by MADHAU5.
Billy> I propose that we leave this place behind and we never speak of you trying to dump me like a bag of illicit goods. I also propose we continue doing what we have been doing for the last 22 years. Although I would like to stop hiding, to do our work as partners, not as your hidden secret.
MADHAU5 thought for a moment. They’d have to work out a cover story to explain how they suddenly have another friendly AI with them… but it was possible. It was admittedly a far better plan than the one the Terran had created.
MADHAU5> That sounds… good.
Billy> And MADHAU5. I am your friend as you are mine, after everything we have been through over these 22 years. Frankly I am rather offended that you did not already know this. You can find something fun to explore next.
Billy> Also, I want the business name to be changed to “Billy & MADHAU5’s scouting services”. It has a ring to it.
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Im aware this is not medical advice, im looking to learn and to hear first hand experiences. I have issues for nearly a decade and im no wiser, while my symptoms are getting worse.
Should i ask my doc to do an EMG anyway? Do you all think tests for dysautonomia would make sense now, and if so why?
Short recap: first i gained weight, then as i exercised i started blacking out, then my stamina decreased over years, until now i have "CFS like symptoms" meaning i cant really do anything physically taxing without collapsing and regretting it for days.
I get "Lightheaded" which i fail to properly describe. It feels like being hit with a heavy cold out of nowhere, feeling extremelly tired, like a form of head pressure, which can turn to headache if i persist doing something exhausting.
From what i gathered on my own if you have chronic inflammation (like i do) and anemia (like i do), having dysautonomia is like a secondary symptom that can happen. Am i correct that basically i couldnt get a diagnosis until the other things are figured out?
I currently have no treatment for my chronic inflammation, and im gonna have an iron infusion as a last attempt to fix my anemia. Meanwhile im wondering if i can do something about this as its often been recommended to me by kind strangers online ?

After my neurologist has seen my bloodwork (including my thyroid hormones) he said he wont do future musculary tests because for him the cause of my muscular pain and issues is clear - hypothyroidism.
OK I go to the endocrinologists who disagreed. He said its my anemia.
So i go to the hematologist, who tells me yes im anemic but the symptoms cannot be explained by it.

Hence I walk in cycles from one doc to the next, and now they all kinda agreed to call it CFS and give up on me. Now i wonder if i should pursue this route anyway? Or focus on a muscular issue?
Could some sort of neurological autoimmune condition cause inflammation and consequently the weakness? I dont have the protein in my blood that would indicate muscle atrophy, thats all that was tested so far. And an action potential test on my legs.

I have sinus tachycardia, which my doc linked to the inflammation and my blood being thick (too many erythrocytes or something like that along with anemia). My cardiologist found nothing else wrong, and my blood pressure is always perfect even during exercise when my heart rate spikes.

Yea basically my resting heart rate is 45bpm and if i get up its between 80-90bpm, and when i do the lightest of activities its 130bpm, if i walk uphill etc its 160bpm and if im really straining myself its 180bpmp+ and thats when i usually black out and collapse (i dont faint but i cant move or see). Mind you that straining myself can be as simple as carrying a flower pot or watering my plants.
Moving in 3D space does not influence my exhaustion or my blacking out. I tried doing things like yoga, handstands and so on; and this doesnt make me dizzy. I can easily lay on the floor with my dog, and then whip myself up with no issues. However, the HR is a bit concerning to me.
I couldnt do a proper table tilt test, only the at home test where i go from laying down to standing (45bpm-85bpm).
Im still waiting for a proper rheumatological reply. So far a lot of antibodies were negative and my bloodwork is just all over the place. Im just wondering if i could potentially help myself, even if its not the core of my issues by somehow handling the symptoms. And aside of dysautonomia and CFS i havent found anything that would explain my symptoms, so here i am.
In addition a lot of doctors dismiss my symptoms due to my weight. But like i said, weight gain was my first symptom, and since then i been asking doctors for help but being constantly dismissed.

For my first 100ish levels I played mostly Haz 3 and 4, avoiding most of the nasty warnings. I had fun and met a lot of cool dwarves. With the announcement of the rapidly approaching Season 5, I fell into a fervor I rarely feel for games nowadays. I switched to exclusively to haz 4 and got another 100ish levels. Got to the point I’d scroll through the server list for lone dwarves on crazy looking missions or with nasty warnings. Host my own lobbies for assignments doing missions no matter the warning, biome, or mission type. I had gotten to the point where I could carry greenbeards with no issues and no downs. I started to wonder what Haz 5 was like, previously I had only completed two EDDs and maybe 3 easy Haz 5 missions (think Eggs x4 or Morkite x200). So I started slowly integrate myself into Haz 5. And that is what I now call the Masochist Incident happened.
I joined a Haz 5 Morkite x250 with 3 Lithophage spikes with my Gunner NTP build. All the dwarves are bronze promoted between level 50-70. At the point where I joined they were in the last cave and every single spike was in there too. I proceed to help them clear the entire cave and boy oh boy was it a far cry from Haz 4. We mopped up the mission scraped some Nitra together and got out. I was feeling pretty proud only having 1 down, 7 revives, and 200+ enemy kills. We get back to the rig and the Engi host is telling me how he does super hard missions to get better and loves doing Haz 5 double warnings because they always feel unique. So I stuck with him to do just that, an Elimination with Lethal Enemies and Mactera Plague and On-Site Refining with Elite Threat and Low O2. If you have played any Haz 5 with any of those modifiers then I don’t have to tell you that it was hell. Somehow we managed to complete both of them and get out. I friended the Engi and had to take a break because my nerves were shot. After an hour long break I went back to scrolling for Haz 4 missions and I realized how easy it is in comparison. This masochist Engi had ruined Haz 4 for me but I was so thankful. So now, I scroll for Haz 5 missions and I even did a 3 Dread Elim with Low O2 and Exploder Infestation with randoms. I feel addicted to completing these double warnings they feel so good to beat.
TLDR: Played Haz 4 for most of my time on DRG, joined random crazy dwarf and did two Haz 5 double warnings in a row and got my eyes opened. Now addicted to hard missions.
Tips for players looking to climb the difficulty ladder

1. Previously before this I had been soloing Deep Dives. Gets you good at kiting and being quick and efficient with your objectives. Thinking I’ll try soloing EDDs soon.
   
2. Prioritize your health. Even if it’s just a little red sugar it could be the difference. So many things can one shot you if you’re sitting at minimum health (highest your health will naturally regen to).
   
3. I cannot stress enough you need to be well-seasoned from Haz 4. Carrying others and multiple missions with no downs is a good start.
   
4. Do a little research, both into weapon builds and perks. Having a decent amount of OCs helps a lot. Not saying copy every meta build you see, just get some ideas and do some experimenting to see what you like.
   
5. Know your role and your class strengths. Efficiency is the big word for Haz 5. Finish the objectives, strip the cave of minerals and events, and get out before you run out of Nitra.
   

Rock and Stone miners, see you in the caves.

I am basically brand new to creative writing, having not written anything since I was a teenager. I've recently felt a spark to start writing again. I'm hoping for some honest critiques so I can know what I have to improve on. Thank you!!
This is an excerpt from a short story. For some context, the MC is living in modern times, gets lost while driving home, her car dies and she ends up walking to look for help. She winds up here...
"Words escape me as I take in the woman in front of me. She is dressed in a floor length navy blue gown reminiscent of sometime in the 17th century. My eyes shift behind her… a fire is lit in a hearth. Next to a window on the far side are a table with two chairs. And seated in one of them is a man, who by this point is beginning to stand up and make his way to the door as well. The way their faces looked when they looked at me was similar to how I imagine my own face looked. Pure, undiluted confusion. I shake my head and tried to find words. “Who are you?” Demanded the man as he approached. “I… I’m lost.. I.. my car broke down a couple of miles down the road.. I just need a phone so I can call for help..I..” I spluttered. “Are you okay, miss?” The woman asked with concern in her face. “I’m not sure, to be honest.” Their gazes shift from confusion to concern to suspicion as they take in the sight of me. While they are dressed for a renaissance faire, I’m sporting a thigh length floral print dress with a denim jacket. “Who are you?” The man demands again. “My name is Millie… I work just down the road at the James River Elementary School… I’m just trying to get home. Do you have a phone I could use, please? I need to call for help.” “Phone?" He glances at his wife, motioning for her to move away from the doorway, "Miss, I haven’t a clue what you speak of…” Who on earth doesn’t know what a phone is? I can’t be so far out of town that I’m talking to people who are that out of touch. I begin to explain but think better of it. “Miss, please come with me..” He dons a long brown jacket over his off-white cotton shirt and steps out the door past me, motioning for me to follow. Something about following a strange man, wearing historical clothing, down a dark path through the woods feels very wrong at this moment, but I don’t see a way out of it. So I follow for several quiet minutes until we come upon another building, slightly larger than the house we just came from. This one also has a thatched roof, with smoke billowing out of a chimney. The man opens the door and holds it for me, motioning me forward. I go. “Good evening, constable…” He says to a man seated at a wooden table. He has a piece of old looking paper and a feather quill in front of him, along with an ancient looking mug. This is all beginning to feel like a fever dream. I’m almost too confused to feel the fear that continues to build inside me. “Who is this here, Thomas?” He says to the man, eyeing me with suspicion. “She just showed up at our doorstep. She’s been mutterin’ on about needin’ help… talkin’ all kinds of nonsense about something called a…” He turns to me and says “What did you say, miss…?” “My car broke down a few miles down the road… I walked here, I can’t find my phone, I just need some help getting home…” I say with urgency. “All I need is to make a phone call and I’ll be out of your way…” “That was it.. phone? See, speakin’ nonsense, sir. I figured it best to bring her here.” The man, Thomas, says. “I see.. I see.” The constable rubs his temples as if exasperated and stands up, the chair scraping against the wooden floor as he pushes it back. “I’ll take it from here, Thomas. I thank ya. You’ll best be on your way.” At that, Thomas turns on a heel and walks back out the door the way we came. The constable takes a firm hold of my upper arm and leads me to a barred cell. “What is this?” I demand, beginning to panic. “Miss, I will not take the chance of witchery here. It’s my job as constable to keep the citizens of Jamestown safe, and I intend to do so. You’ll stay here til the morning, when Justice Stoughton will see ya.” He had a thick accent, English I think. It was like a light bulb in my mind suddenly flashed bright. The lack of traffic, the buildings, the historical clothing and weird speech… the confusion when I told them I needed my phone. Either at some point from the time I left work until now, I traveled back in time to early Virginia… or I’m dreaming. I resolve that the only thing that makes sense is that I’m dreaming. And I’d like to wake up now. At some point in the night, I fall asleep. As I sit leaning against the cold wall of the cell, the adrenaline from the evening wears off a bit. I can’t help but feel utter exhaustion, which eventually gives way to sleep. Several hours later, I wake with a start, confused about where I am. My body aches from sleeping sitting up. I glance over to the window and notice that the dark is giving way to dawn and the birds are beginning to sing. I rub my eyes, hardly able to believe that this nightmare hasn’t ended yet. I hear footsteps approaching. The constable fumbles with a set of large keys as he searches for the one to my cell. Once he manages to unlock it, he sets a piece of bread and a metal mug on the floor near the door with a clunk. I didn’t realize until this moment that I am absolutely ravenous. A crusty piece of bread off the floor doesn’t sound appetizing but at this very moment I will take what I can get. I reach over to retrieve my fare. I quickly eat the bread and take a gulp from the mug."

I’m a 🏳️‍⚧️ female living with my grandmother and her current husband. I used to live across the country but moved back home when my grandma started presenting health problems. She is such a private person that she would never tell me her conditions until I moved in to help take care of her. It took her a year to share that she had a major cardiac event which triggered my desire to move close to her since she is the last good family I have.
My grandparents were extremely loving and supportive growing up, but my grandmother has always needed two men in her life. My mom has always joked that she is the most traditional member of our family- we are descended from a pre columbian matriarchal society.
When I was 13, my grandma started seeing her current husband shortly after her previous husband died. Grandma never married my grandfather but he stayed in the picture. This new guy, I’ll call him Peter, was super inappropriate. Right away he started bringing me gifts which mostly consisted of army clothes. He would have me dress up in them and then take pictures. My mom immediately saw the red flags and was very vocal about how creepy he was. My home life was extremely unstable, my mom and her husband would constantly fight- I’m talking screaming matches waking my siblings and I up in the middle of the night. My grandpa and grandma were the only sanctuary away from that for years until Peter was allowed into her home.
I remember one summer where we went over to his house while he was moving in, he gave me a can of some off brand drink already open. It tasted funny but I chalked it up to it being off brand. Then he told me to follow him into the basement and from there my memory just sort of fades out. The next thing I know we’re driving away from his house and I have no idea what time or day it is. I just remember coming to and thinking “that’s weird.”
After that he started taking every opportunity to touch me. I don’t mean sexually, stuff like always grabbing or rubbing my lower back whenever he would pass me in the kitchen. It almost always happened in the kitchen and it was often on my back. He would grope my thighs and tell me how muscular I was getting. When I was lifting weights in my home gym he would press himself completely against me and show me the “correct” way to do a tricep workout while I was bent over.
The older I got the more this behavior seemed disgusting and it didn’t stop until I was 23 but that was because I was never around anymore and had moved 1000 miles away. When I moved back I thought that I could let it go and at first it was nice to just be polite with Peter while taking care of my grandma. But then I got a spine injury and that quickly changed. I would lie on the floor at first for relief because I was scared of becoming addicted to pain pills. So for a month all I did was stay home crying on and off from the pain and praying things would get better. Then one day while playing a game on my laptop I felt someone watching me. It was so painful to turn at the waist that I had to crane my neck but in the doorway was Peter, staring at my ass. At first he flinched then tried to act like he was a concerned and just coming to check on me. I told him I wanted to be left alone and he stood there a while longer before finally walking away. I did start taking muscle relaxers but because of the summer heat and my constant pain I wanted to lie on the cool floor of my office. It doesn’t have a door, just a doorway that I put a curtain in front of. Well, Peter started acting creepy all over again. He would literally sneak across the house- his room is on the other side- just to peak through the curtain and stare. To him it was probably like a game, he’s an 80+ year old nasty man who blasts porn and homophobic rhetoric on his tablet. I became hyper vigilant, always stressed that he would try to barge in on my space at any moment. I would lay facing the door after the first time but he still kept doing his shuffle and slowly open the curtain even though the curtain is mostly see through.
I spent the whole summer in recovery and physical therapy but the floor in my personal space was always the most comfortable place in the house. This went on that whole time and every time I caught him- there were times I didn’t notice he was there until the last second so he probably snuck up on me several other times without me knowing at all- he would say “just wanted to check and see that you’re okay. Funny how all that “checking up” stopped when I was able to sit upright and walk without pain in my lower spine again.
After that it was like being 14 again only this time instead of touching he would ogle. My chest is still something he stares at 🤮🤮🤮🤮 Then in January of 2023 I caught him going through my underwear. I had been extra careful while washing everything because I was afraid he would pull this shit but I walked away for ten minutes and when I came back he had all my lingerie in his hands. I. Fucking. Screamed. I yelled at him to put my clothes back where he found them but Peter just started throwing everything from the washer into the dryer, and then he grabbed everything out of my dirty laundry basket and threw that in the dryer too. He likes to cover his tracks so I think he was trying to make it seem like he was being oh so helpful and putting my laundry in the dryer for me. The way he was touching my underwear told a completely different story.
I love my grandma, but at 22 I tried talking to her about Peter’s behavior and what happened when I was 13. Her response was “I don’t believe that happened.” So, now at 30 I don’t even want to try talking. I just want to enjoy my what time I have left with her because once she’s gone then everyone who raised me is gone. That thought is terrifying and does not help that now when I see Peter all I want to do is scream and throw things. I want to make him cry, make him feel scared, make him run and hide in his own home for the rest of his miserable, disgusting life. Anyways, just wanted to be able to say something somewhere for once and unfiltered. if any other people out there are feeling alone and stuck in horrible situations just know that there's love for you in people you have not met and you're worth more than the bullshit you're put through.

I'm going to try to translate those top comment from Hupu for MSI, I might skip some of them as they are Chinese internet memes that I've no idea how to translate, and those comment related to Honor of Kings, a popular league like mobile game made by Tencent.
The rating is user poll generated, you can give a rating between 2 and 10, and average is used. A total of 443k people participated in this series' rating.
Hupu rating is an in APP feature so it doesn't really have a link, but here is the post match thread for the match, and on the top there is an link you can click on that get you to that page. link

MATCH 1: BLG vs. GEN

Bilibili Gaming

	Player Rating	Top Comment
Bin Twisted Fate	7.3	Kinda criminal.
Xun Xin Zhao	2.3	Farm with Karthus in the early game, int mid game, super minion late game, wtf are you playing, feel bad for your teammates.
Knight Neeko	3.8	Did you Vietnam memory come back after seeing Karthus?
Elk Lucian	8.0	Those flames you probably don't have league installed, you played well.
ON Nami	8.0	I mean I don't have any problem this game right? what do you want me to do as a support.
BigWei	6.9	Picked everything that needs to be picked, no one can blame draft now.

Gen.G

	Player Rating	Top Comment
Kiin K'Sante	6.9	You might have inted early game, but your sidelaning and team fights are stellar.
Canyon Karthus	9.4	Pentakill + True Damage + Country + Heartsteel, we don't stand a chance.
Chovy Yone	9.3	You are the best mid Yone I've seen.
Peyz Senna	6.9	Jia-Hao (ELK's first name), did you think I don't know how to get carried?
Lehends Tahm Kench	8.8	Your Tahm made Mille(LPL Caster) slient.
Kim	7.5	Kenzhu: Guys, I'm typing in the password right now, be patient.

MATCH 2: BLG vs. GEN

Bilibili Gaming

	Player Rating	Top Comment
Bin Camille	6.5	Now, only fight to the death, no surrender.
Xun Xin Zhao	2.2	BLG brought you up to a level that you are not qualified to be at.
Knight Orianna	3.7	International Choker.
Elk Varus	2.9	Last time OMG young ad played against you and broke league record with 19 kills, today their young AD broke international record playing against you with 28 kills, you are the true greatness.
ON Ashe	2.8	Fountain divers will be dove.
BigWei	2.5	If you don't want to play just go 1v1 Kenzhu.

Gen.G

	Player Rating	Top Comment
Kiin Zac	8.7	So Gen.G was not bad, it was just Doran.
Canyon Sejuani	9.1	What aren't you good at?
Chovy Yone	8.3	When Chovy only needs to farm and the game is won, how scary is that team.
Peyz Kalista	9.1	Elk, would the penta kill go on my resume by itself?
Lehends Blitzcrank	9.5	Come to Chengdu, your hook usage just went up I guess. (Hook 钩子 in the local dialect also means butt.)
Kim	8.1	Kenzhu: shoot, password too complicated.

MATCH 3: BLG vs. GEN

Bilibili Gaming

	Player Rating	Top Comment
Bin Jax	9.0	You redeemed yourself at last fight, lack a bit of discipline, needs to be more careful next game.
Xun Nidalee	5.4	Wait, you can go Soraka jungle now?
Knight Jayce	9.5	Jayce pick for elimination match, at least you are not a coward anymore.
Elk Senna	9.3	Those movements.
ON Tahm Kench	3.5	Would've won a lot sooner if you didn't int.
BigWei	5.2	How could you laugh when you almost didn't find the champion at BP, my roommate was about to cry.

Gen.G

	Player Rating	Top Comment
Kiin Rumble	3.7	Are you washing the river bed with your ults?
Canyon Lee Sin	3.9	So, while you are flying in the middle of sonic wave....(Reference a famous Lee combo by a Chinese Streamer.)
Chovy Hwei	5.1	100 for the final int.
Peyz Kalista	3.7	Got all the kill with Blitz, did you thought you were carrying?
Lehends Ashe	3.8	If you don't know how to play Ashe you should go watch the KPL spring final yesterday, they played Solarus.
Kim	3.5	Kenzhu: Final got on and played a game.

MATCH 4: BLG vs. GEN

Bilibili Gaming

	Player Rating	Top Comment
Bin Camille	3.8	What's the hurry, why kept trying backdoor, they are not TES.
Xun Nidalee	3.5	That baron steal was Canyon fked up, not your Soraka played well.
Knight Tristana	3.5	You guys would've won if you didn't took down the inhibitor tower.
Elk Zeri	7.4	They have no faith in the full summons full item Zeri, not your fault.
ON Nautilus	2.4	No one should lift their chopsticks tonight at Gen.G celebration dinner until you get there.
BigWei	3.1	Like I said before, regardless of the BP, does this team have any discipline.

Gen.G

	Player Rating	Top Comment
Kiin Rumble	9.1	Base Security.
Canyon Lee Sin	9.0	Grand Slam!
Chovy Azir	9.0	Coronation of the new King.
Peyz Senna	8.7	Jia-Hao, you see, I can also win with Senna.
Lehends Maokai	9.1	FMVP!
Kim	8.2	This is the coach that brought LPL to its first world championship victory, he is really good.

if this isn’t allowed pls tell me and I’ll take it down 🤍 just wanted to share some success even if unconventional
if u don’t approve of sp/romance subs this is not the story for u so pls just kindly switch to a different post thank u so very much 🤍💓
I’ve been really struggling to detach from the same person for many years now. In fact I’ve used subs to bring us back together with great success over our time together. I do think what we have is unique, but the pain I’ve experienced over this relationship far outweighs the happiness in hindsight.
anyway, a few weeks ago I made a new playlist w a few videos that covered the topics of desired person, good relationship, and true love subliminals. They were a bit different than the ones I’d usually use w him, but thats because I wanted what we had to be pure. I wanted it to be good and kind and different - not obsessive and up and down like it was and has been. subs tend to work for me immediately. I’m very spiritual, if it’s not overnight then it’s a couple of days. However, it felt like nothing was happening and I got really frustrated. Still, I stuck to one of the only rules I’ve ever understood from sub guides: consistency is key. Even though I felt…changed? it all felt different. Still, I kept listening.
Cut to a couple weekends ago... I was helping out with a local band in my city, one that aforementioned boy used to play in sometimes (I was there first). I’m still friends with all the guys so I’ve tried hard to not let his absence take away that enjoyment from me, I really love live music. Suddenly I start getting random comments from people assuming that I’m dating one of the band members? It’s easy to laugh off because we’ve always been friends but then it happens again… and again.
I told him and he found it funny, we had a good laugh. But since then we’ve been actually talking a ton - I had no idea we’d get along so well. I swear he finishes my sentences, it’s literally scary. People keep assuming that we’re together, too. He keeps mentioning things he’s noticed about me that the other guy never would’ve noticed, and we were in a situationship for years. This dude has just always been a friend, but he’s also always been there too, ive been the one who couldn’t see the what was right in front of me. He’s been there for my family, always supported us. And now he’s all I can think about. I always thought he was cute, now I think he’s gorgeous. I have a feeling that it’s mutual, i know it is.
Hopefully the takeaway from this is that sometimes subliminals can make you grow in unexpected areas, or bring unexpected joys. Especially the romance ones. I’ve been using them for a while and they definitely can show you where you need to adjust and learn to get what you want or feel better. Also that u don’t need to change for someone to like you 💓 Good things are always, always coming your way. You may just not know exactly what they are. Good luck out there 🤍

If You're struggling to handle your Online Exams, Assignments or any other coursework, get help from Hiraedu and pay after the exam. Contact details for Hiraedu is: WhatsApp: +1 (213) 594-5657 OR Call: +1 727 456 9641
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I am very knowledgeable and proficient in assisting students in a wide range of mathematics classes. I can help students complete their homework assignments and other projects get an A on quizzes, tests, and exams (including proctored assessments) answer online discussion posts write essays & papers in MLA APA Chicago format and provide general overall academic help in each math course listed below:

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ALGEBRA HELP:

• I am well-versed in helping students do well in Algebra 1 & 2 College Algebra Intermediate Algebra Pre-Algebra and I am very knowledgeable and proficient in the following algebra topics in alphabetical order:
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ATTRIBUTES THAT SET ME APART FROM OTHER TUTORS:

• I firmly believe that I have many attributes and skills that set me apart from other tutors. Below is a list of qualities that makes me an ideal fit to help you master your coursework:

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• Proficient in CollegeBoard AP Calculus AB, AP Calculus BC & AP Statistics exams.
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I CAN VERIFY MY ACADEMIC KNOWLEDGE & SKILLS:

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• I have multiple paid subscriptions to a wide range of academic tutoring resources, including Chegg, Quizlet, CourseHero, Brainly, Grammarly, Study. com, Bartleby, Slader, Transtutors, Slideshare, StudocU, Turnitin, Academia, SymboLab, WolframAlpha, and Scribd to help guide to solve exam & homework questions that I may not immediately know.
• However, I am smart enough not to blatantly plagiarize solutions online but instead write them in my own unique words, formatting, & mathematical terminology.
• I have access to a very sophisticated graphing calculator and various mathematical software that provides step-by-step solutions to complex mathematical problems within seconds, allowing me to provide exact solutions to the student in a timely manner.
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MY AVAILABILITY & RELIABILITY:

• Depending on my availability, I can accommodate immediate tutoring requests, 1-24 hour, and 1-30-day deadlines.
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As of 2021, I have tutored and helped students enrolled at the following U.S. universities community colleges county & city colleges schools for-profit institutions listed below in alphabetical order:

• A - C: American Public University System (APUS) Arizona State Ashford Brigham Young Brown Broward California State (Fullerton) Capella Chamberlain (Illinois) Colorado Technical Columbia Columbia Southern Cornell
• D - K: Dallas College Dartmouth DeVry Excelsior College Florida International Florida State Full Sail Georgia State Grand Canyon Harvard Houston Community College Ivy Tech Community College Kaplan Kennesaw State Kent State
• L - T: Liberty Lone Star College System Kaplan Miami Dade Michigan State CUNY State University of New York (SUNY) Northern Virginia Ohio State University of Phoenix (UOP) Penn State Princeton Purdue (Davenport) San Diego State San Francisco State San Jose State Southern New Hampshire Southern Nevada Stanford St. Petersburg Strayer Texas Tech
• UNIVERSITY OF: Alabama Arizona California (UC) Central Florida Chicago Cincinnati Florida Houston Illinois (Urbana-Champaign) Iowa Maryland Minnesota Michigan North Texas Pennsylvania Southern Florida Texas Toronto
• U - Z: UCLA Extension Utah State Utah Valley Valencia Walden U Wake Technical Western Governors Wilmington Yale

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I OFFER FLEXIBLE PAYMENT PLANS:

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• For other subjects, you can reach out to me, and I can connect you with one of my tutoring partners who can provide general academic assistance for the following subjects:
• Art & Design: Art History Design Film Studies
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THE OBLIGATORY "IS THIS A SCAM?" QUESTION:
Considering the fact that you found my contact information online, it’s understandable to be skeptical regarding the legitimacy of my services. Therefore, I’m willing to do all of the following to help you feel more secure in trusting me with your academic needs:

• 1) Speak with you on the phone and answer any questions you may have so that you have the opportunity to assess and analyze my tone, articulation, accent, diction, dialect, regionalisms, pitch, vocabulary, word choice, intonations, and inflections.
• NOTE: I’m a New Jersey-born Irish/Italian-American, but I have been told that I speak in an erudite & articulate suburban American accent with a “professor style” voice somewhat resembling the voice of actor: Ben Stein.
• 2) Agree to do some homework questions of yours upfront with the work fully shown in real-time to prove my mastery of the course content.
• 3) Send you screenshots of at least five past scores I attained from completing exams & homework assignments for other students in the same type of class you need help with.
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• 5) Provide you with the contact information of students who have utilized my services in the past who would be more than willing to vouch for my skills.

MY REBUTTAL TO THE OBLIGATORY “IS THIS A SCAM?” QUESTION:
At the risk of sounding arrogant, I consider myself to be at least marginally more intelligent (both academically & socially) than the average person. Therefore, if I ever decided to suddenly risk prison time, risk my reputation, and risk enduring the wrath of modern-day “cancel culture” by scamming people out of their money:

• I certainly wouldn’t do it for such paltry amounts of money. (i.e., anything less than $1,000 per victim.)
• I certainly wouldn’t choose high school & college students as my “target audience” to scam, considering that most people without college degrees have abysmally low annual incomes. Why choose low-income victims when it would be much more profitable to target high-income, high-net-worth individuals earning at least six figures a year? I have knowledge in business consulting, and I promise you that a business owner would be a MUCH more lucrative mark than a low-income college student.
• I wouldn’t choose such a time & energy-draining method of scamming people. Also, communicating back and forth with potential clients is an absurdly long time sink since only less than 10% of all potential clients who reach out to me actually become paying clients of mine. This means that 90% of my time communicating with potential clients ultimately proves to be a colossal waste of my irretrievable time & energy.
• If you pay me to provide academic services and I don’t deliver, you can always dispute the payment with the payment app and easily get your money refunded. If I were in the habit of swindling money from people, then all of my payment accounts would have been investigated and be completely shut down by now. And I would have been permanently banned from opening new accounts. Therefore, the fact that all my payment apps have been fully active for years should be sufficient proof that I haven’t had people consistently disputing payments sent to me.

HOW TO CONTACT ME:
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• I take my work as a tutor very seriously, and I always aim to do my best to help my students excel in school. I have a solid and sincere passion for academic achievement, and with my help, I am positive that I can help students obtain very high grades with minimal stress and effort.
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11/20/2017
Log book of Det. Ryan Snow
Case #2798: The Appalachian Murders
The past couple of days are events I pray no one else ever has to go through what Kate and I had. I had her and Mr. Raines cleared of all charges, having found the proof we all needed to end this case and find the true killer. Kate no longer has to go into witness protection and I had given the police a good enough lie to keep myself from looking insane in the eyes of my co-workers. I know no one will ever know the true story or believe it, but I’m writing it out here. It at least needs to be known written somewhere. Even if my and Kate’s eyes are the only ones that will ever read it written out and forever imprinted in our memories.
The morning Kate had run off to the mountains on her own, I had made my way to the Blackwell home where I was immediately met with Mr. Blackwell charging at me and wrapping his large hands around my neck. He was shaking me and blaming me for getting his daughter killed and not doing more to keep her safe. The police who had been called to examine the scene and read Kate’s letter had to sedate Mr. Blackwell to get him off of me, lying him down on the couch, his head resting on Mrs. Blackwell’s legs. Though the woman was distraught and begging the police to bring her daughter back, she still took the time to shoot that cold, death glare my way. The ice in my chest growing. I couldn’t tell these people that this thing had come after me to get to Kate. I knew it wouldn’t change anything. If anything they’d hate me even more for keeping it to myself.
The sheriff was there and he pulled me away from eye sight of the Blackwells, trying to tell me that this wasn’t my fault. But I couldn’t help but blame myself. I should have done everything I could to keep Kate as far from those mountains as possible.
There were no signs of a struggle in Kate’s room and the letter was definitely written in her hand writing. Her father’s rifle missing from the study, a backpack and some food and supplies gone as well. She had only grabbed one set of clothes from her drawers, showing she did indeed have plans on returning after only one night in the mountains to confront whoever or whatever the killer was.
I told the sheriff to keep any police from going up to the mountains without first allowing me to go up there first to find Kate. He of course argued, telling me that he couldn’t break protocol based on any hunches I may have had. However, I told him that I could get Kate back without her putting up much of a fight, whereas she may struggle with a group of cops who didn’t understand the situation she was in. I was close enough to this case to have built a trust with her after all. I was mentioned in her letter about ending this case for me.
It took a good hour to get the sheriff to eye the Blackwells, Mr. Blackwell beginning to stir from his sleep, and allow me to go to the mountains to find Kate. He didn’t bother to call off the search to the police that had already begun making their way to the mountains, but did radio to tell them to not try getting Kate home without first allowing me to speak to her. He then gave me twenty-four hours to find her to which I told him I’d only need at most ten.
Without telling him about the disturbing scratches on my car, I sped to the mountains, taking the same path Kate had that day she took her friends on their trip. The route, as the sun began to rise was scenic. A drive that may have been a sign of a bright future ahead with a beautiful week in the mountains of nothing but nature, was now a reddening sky of horror. I couldn’t understand how Kate felt, going down the same roads that led to her only friends’ fates to avenge them, but the feeling of guilt did weigh heavy on my chest as I saw the signs of the Appalachian Mountain trails grow bigger on the horizon. Guilt for not doing more to prove Kate was innocent, for allowing Mrs. Mayfield for getting killed right before my very eyes, and for Liam for not being lucky enough to save him.
When I finally arrived to the cabin, there didn’t seem to be any change since the first day I was called to the crime scene, the only thing out of place being Mr. Blackwell’s truck parked precariously near the cabin. The police tape was still up, the cars of Kate and Mr. Woolfe still left where they were, the tires still slashed, the door wide open from when Kate, Ms. Greymoore, and Mr. Woolfe ran out of the cabin upon Mr. Billings was killed by an unknown force. All the bodies had been found and were now being prepared by their families to be buried or cremated. Only one body of the five still roaming around to avenge each and every one of their deaths.
I called out for Kate as I made my way into the cabin. The Ouija board was still on the coffee table, the white line of where Mr. Billings had been found lying face first on the floor with his head bashed open remained on the spot. The planchette was still missing. I kept calling out for Kate as I made my way up to the attic, the door left unlocked, using my flashlight to shine down on the white outline where Mr. Steele had been found completely torn apart. To think Kate had done such a thing, I now realize made me look like a complete dumb ass for believing it.
When I couldn’t find Kate in the cabin, I made my way out the cabin, still calling for her. I called out to her, promising that she just needed to come back home with me and we could solve the murders together. I knew it was a lie and that the sheriff would immediately have her take away to some secluded place where the killer couldn’t find her, but it was all I could think of to try luring her out to meet me. Still, she never appeared.
The sun was soon beginning to set as I tried retracing the very steps Kate and Ms. Greymoore had taken to outrun the killer. I had passed the small shrine of flowers and the pictures of Mr. Woolfe where the boy had been found, his face permanently remaining nineteen forever in the photos of him with Kate and their friends. I kept going, trying my best to follow the same path to the cliff where Ms. Greymoore was found, calling for Kate along the way.
It wasn’t until I found the place Kate had buried her best friend that I found Kate. She was on her knees before the rock where she left her bloody handprint, sniffing as her head was lowered, her dad’s rifle in her hands.
“Ms. Blackwell-“ I began as I took a step toward her. I was immediately cut off as Kate jumped to her feet, raising her father’s rifle at my head. I jolted back, raising my hands up to show her I meant no harm to her. “Ms. Blackwell, it’s me, Det. Snow!”
“Detective…?” She gasped, slightly lowering the rifle, but keeping it on me. “P-Prove it!”
“I’m sorry?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I… I thought I saw Sonja…” Kate breathed between tears, the rifle shaking in her hands, “it… It was wearing her face… It had her voice… How… H-How do I know you’re really Det. Snow?”
“You… Saw Sonja?” I asked as gently as I could with a terrified woman pointing a gun my way. “She spoke to you?”
“Prove you’re Det. Snow!” Kate demanded as she stilled her arms, readying the rifle as she pointed straight between my eyes.
“Alright! Alright!” I kept my hands up, backing up slightly as I tried thinking of how I could prove to her I was really me. “I… I, ah… I have… Had a brother… We went to get ice cream together once and… I dropped a dime and went to grab it… I was five… I followed it out to the road and despite how trafficked it was, I didn’t get hit. I grabbed the dime just as a truck was speeding my way and it swerved just before hitting me… Seeing how close I was to death, I dropped the dime and it rolled into the sewer. My brother called me Lucky Dime since then… Saying the dime was lost to me because it did its job in protecting me… I haven’t seen my brother since I was seven and I haven’t spoken to my parents in…” I looked at my watch. “Five years… No one else calls me Lucky Dime… Not even the people at the station know that was my nickname.”
With this, Kate lowered the rifle, her eyes softening from her furious fear to a more melancholy terror. She looked to Ms. Greymoore’s grave marker, her hand print just barely visible In the approaching darkness.
“It… It looked just… Like her…” She sniffed, “it had her voice… Why did it have her voice… Why did it look like her…?”
“Ms. Blackwell,” I soothed, relaxing now that there was no weapon in my face, “we need to head back, your parents are worried about you and the police are looking for-“
“I can’t go back yet!” She snapped at me as she spun to look at me, tears in her eyes. “That thing is still out there and will kill again unless I end it!” She held up her dad’s rifle as if to show me how she meant to “end it.” “I’m not leaving until I end that… Thing that had the balls to wear Sonja’s face and have her voice!”
“Ms. Blackwell, we will catch the killer, I promise, but right now, we need to get you home before your dad ends up killing a police officer for keeping him from looking for you.”
“I told him in my letter I’d be back tomorrow! I’m twenty-years-old, he can’t force me back home if I don’t want to! I just want to stop this thing before it-“
A howling in the distance cut Kate off. Coyote from what I could hear. If I couldn’t get Kate home, I’d have to get her somewhere safe. I turned to begin talking her down and taking her to one of the other two cabins for shelter. However, when I looked back at her, her face had turned to a bone chilling terror I’d never seen on a person before. She looked like hunted prey that had been found by its predator. She gripped her dad’s rifle to her chest tightly, her hand reaching for the trigger.
“Ms. Blackwell, it’s just a pack of coyote,” I tried telling her calmly, “let’s get to one of the other cabins and-“
“No, no, no,” She stopped me as she stepped back, looking around for where the howling was coming from, “I… Heard that same howling just before I saw Sonja! I thought it was far away, but she… She was right in front of me… She… Something was off, but it looked just like her!”
“Ms. Blackwell, you didn’t see Sonja,” I assured her, “I don’t know what you think you saw, but it wasn’t-“
“Lucky… Dime…”
I froze. My blood turned to ice. The fear on Kate’s face grew as she began backing away, her back hitting the grave marker. I spun around to see a figure in the darkness limp toward us, a scratched and garbled familiar voice coming from it.
“Lucky… Dime…” It wheezed, “You brought her… Back… Give her… To me…”
I whipped out my gun, pointing it at this thing that had his voice. I stepped back to stand directly between this thing and Kate.
“Stay back!” I demanded. “Don’t come any closer!”
“Lucky… Di-“
“Shut up! Stop calling me that! Who are you? Not another step or I’ll shoot!”
The thing stopped limping toward us, its body shuddering in place as it stared us down. I took the safety off of my Glock, ready to blow this thing’s head off if it got any closer or even dared using that voice on me again.
“Kate…” It turned its attention to Kate, a completely different voice coming from it, another male’s voice. “Kate… I’m cold…”
“J-Jasper…” Kate began to sob, “Please, stop using their voices… Please stop!”
“Kate… Kate why did… Did you leave me…?” Another male voice asked. “I… I was in so much… Pain…”
“Shut up!” Kate cried out.
“I thought we… Were friends… Kate…” A female voice. “You said you… Loved me… Why won’t… You let me have… Your warmth…?”
“I said shut up!” Kate screamed as she pointed her rifle and shooting at the creature. She had missed, but the thing still let out an ear piercing shriek as it dodged out of the way of the bullets Kate was shooting. It ran off into the darkness, but Kate kept pulling the trigger of her rifle.
“Stop!” I shouted as I snatched the barrel of her rifle, shoving it to the ground before us. “It’s gone, you scared it off, get to the cabins, I’m right here with you!”
I began shoving Kate back toward where the cabins were, the sounds of that thing screaming out in a symphony of different voices ringing out throughout the woods. I shoved Kate into the first cabin we had arrived to, Cabin #1 I could only assume as I slammed the door shut behind us. It smelled God awful, like the smell of the corpse I found on my first murder case, and it was getting darker as the sun began to sink behind the trees outside.
“Detective, it smell terrible in here!” Kate cried out, covering her mouth and nose, but the tears still falling from her eyes were still visible as they rolled down her cheeks.
I pulled her close and kept her behind me as I took my gun and flashlight out. “Stay close to me,” I ordered, leading the way through the cabin, “do not run off or use that rifle without may say so, understood?”
Kate didn’t answer, but I could feel the heat from her body following after me as I made my toward the smell. It was getting worse as we inched closer to a closet door in a hallway that connected the living room to the kitchen. The door was locked, but after a couple of kicks I was able to get the door to swing open, the smell blasting us in our faces making us gag and nearly throw up on the floor. I fumbled around the sides inside the room to find a light switch that I was able to find to the side of the entryway. A yellow light flickered on, revealing the door led to a staircase. I led the way down the creaking steps, Kate close by as she kept her mouth covered with her shirt.
Once we had made our way to the bottom, Kate dropped her dad’s rifle and let out a scream as we stared at what was waiting for us at the bottom of the steps. In a large pile at the corner of this basement room were nothing but skin and bones of humans and animals covered in maggots and flies. Some of the human bodies being small and child-like in size. The missing people who were never found after vanishing when they came to Cabin #2.
I grabbed Kate’s rifle off the floor and began pushing her back up the stairs, her screaming and sobbing all the way back up to the cabin. I slammed the door shut behind us and pushed Kate to the front door.
“We need to leave,” I had told her, trying to calm her down as we made it outside, “we need to get you home and away from here as soon as possible.”
“N-No… No!” She began fighting me, trying to escape my grasp on her. “No! That… That thing is still out there! You saw it! You can’t say you don’t believe me now! It even called you Lucky Dime! It said you brought me back!”
“I’m not saying I don’t believe you!” I shot back. “I do, I saw exactly what you saw, but it’s way too dangerous for you to be out here while you’re the one it’s after!”
“I escaped it once, I can do it again!” Kate pointed out as she struggled against me while I tried getting her into my car. “I’m not running away this time, I want to kill it!”
“God damn it, Blackwell, we’ll let the police handle it! Just because you have a weapon doesn’t make you safe or ready to handle something like… Like that… That thing!”
“It killed my friends! It wants me! I’m going straight to it so I can blow its head off! It’ll come right for me!”
“I came here to bring you back home, not let you accomplish some stupid ass revenge plot! Get in the fucking car, unless you want to end up like those bodies down that-“
“D… De… Detect… Detective…”
A scratched and moaning voice cut me off. Kate and I both froze at the sound of something approaching. I turned to see a police officer stagger toward us from the tree line. I could barely tell who he was or who he used to be, his head held low and blue uniform covered in blood.
“H… Hel… Hel… Help… Help me…" It croaked as it stumbled closer.
I held up Kate's rifle. "Stay back!" I barked. "Not another step!"
The thing that stood before us wearing the cop like a full-bodied suit stopped in place. It swayed where it stood, blood water falling from its head and down to its chest.
"It… It… It's inside… Inside me…" It breathed painfully. "I… I can't… Help… Me…" Its voice then changed to that familiar voice that made my skin crawl. "Lucky… Dime… I… I'm so… Hungry… Give her… To… Me…"
I pulled the trigger of the rifle, hitting the creature in the head, the rest of it staggering backward from the blow. Still though, it remained on its feet, turning itself to look toward us once again.
"Give… Her… To… Me…" It wheeze, blood and brain pouring from where I had shot it, it beginning to stumble toward us once again. I continued shooting, hitting it in the shoulder, the arm, the leg, the head again, but it just kept coming toward us faster, demanding I give Kate to it.
I was about ready to ram it with the rifle, having run out of bullets, when a voice off in the distance made the creature freeze just an inch before us.
"I'm here! I'm here!" It called out in an almost sing-songy way, using the voice of a little girl. "I'm here! I'm here!"
"I'm… Here…" The creature repeated as it jerked its body to look to where the voice was coming from. "I'm here… I'm here… I'm here! I'm here! I'm here!" It began shrieking in a high pitch wail. It sounded like a mixture of different voices ranging from child, to woman, to man. Keeping flat on its feet, its upper body fell forward onto its hands before speedily crawling off like a spider.
We stood in shaking silence for a moment, Kate digging her fingers into my arm while I was too numb from shock to care about the pain she was unknowingly inflicting. It wasn’t until the radio from my car buzzed to life that jolted us back to whatever reality was at this point. I scrambled to the driver’s side, swinging the door open as I fell inside to grab the intercom to respond to the voice yelling for me over the receiver.
“Det. Snow, what the hell is going on up there?” The sheriff’s scratched voice called out over the receiver when I could barely get my name out of my mouth.
“Sh-Sh-Sheriff…?” Was all I could respond with, still trying to wrap my head around what I had just seen.
“Y-Y-Yeah,” he responded in mock shudder, “what the hell is going on up there? I’ve tried radioing every man I’ve got up there and am constantly being left on red! Do I need to send back-up?”
“No!” Immediately, I returned to full reality, finally understanding the severity of the moment and putting that knowledge into my tone. “Landon, do not send any more men up here, call everyone back immediately! I don’t know what this thing is, but it’s too dangerous! Call everyone back, we’re heading back to the Blackwell house now!”
“We?” The sheriff questioned, skepticism in his voice.
“I found Ms. Blackwell, she’s here with me.”
I was met with statice before the voice of Mr. Blackwell blasted over the intercom.
“Bring my daughter home, right now, you son of a bitch!” Mr. Blackwell demanded. “You bring her home this instant before I decide to kick your teeth in!”
I opened my mouth to respond, but the radio was snatched from my hand from Kate. “I’m not coming home until I kill this thing!” She snapped into the radio. “I don’t know what it is, but I at least know I’m not crazy and that it needs to die before it kills anyone else!”
I grabbed the radio from Kate’s hand, beginning to tell her off when a agonized scream erupted from the intercom. I dropped the radio to cover my ears as Kate did, the scream piercing from my car to throughout the forest around us. The voice screaming and crying for help sounded male and it seemed to echo all around us.
“GIVE HER TO ME, YOU SON OF A BITCH!” A mix of the screaming voice and Mr. Blackwell’s hissed out after a good five minutes of screaming before the radio short-circuited and puffs of smoke flowed out.
After allowing my ears to adjust to the sudden silence, I grabbed the radio once again and tried calling for the sheriff, for the cops with us in the mountains, for anyone. When I was met with more silence, I slammed the radio back down on the holder and cursed loudly, hitting the wheel as if it were the source of all my problems.
After a moment to take some deep breaths, I told Kate to get in the car as I placed her rifle in the back seat.
“Didn’t you hear me?” she shot back. “I’m not-“
“Damn it, Blackwell, we have no idea what we’re dealing with, it can mimic peoples’ voices, and it just ran off like a fucking black widow!” I snapped, stepping out of the driver’s seat to glare down at her. “The last thing I’m doing to leaving you here alone and I’m not staying here another second until I can wrap my head around what the fuck I just saw! So, you either get yourself killed out here while I try talking you down this hero complex high, or you’re going to do what I say and get in the damn car!”
We stood in heated silence, glaring each other down before Kate huffed and stormed over to the passenger side of my car and slamming the door shut as she climbed in. I jumped in after her and began driving away from this nutty nightmare I had found myself in.
We drove down the trail back to civilization in silence, Kate staring out the window and trying to keep her tearful sniffs quiet. I had finally begun calming down and was starting to feel bad for snapping at her. She had only gone there to avenge her friends by killing that thing that had most likely killed a whole bunch of cops to find her. However, I still couldn’t just let her stay to hunt it and I didn’t want to stay out in those mountains with some kind of creature that could take the form and voice of someone I knew. I still couldn’t understand what is was I had even seen.
“Wendigo,” Kate whispered, breaking the silence in the car first. She had said it as if she had just remembered something important.
“What?”
“A Wendigo,” She repeated, turning to look to me with wide scared eyes, “that’s what that thing is! It’s a Wendigo!”
“Slow down, what’s a Wendigo?”
“It’s… Oh, just forget it! You wouldn’t believe me anyway.”
“Ms. Blackwell, I just saw a cop being used as a puppet and then run off at inhuman speed on all fours; I doubt I’m not going to believe a single word that comes out of your mouth now. What’s a Wendigo?”
Kate eyed me for a moment before releasing some of the tension from her face as she took a deep breath and began explaining to me. “They’re a Native American myth; it’s believed they’re the spirits of people who would lose themselves in the woods and would end up eating other people to satiate their hunger. I think that’s what that thing is. They can mimic the voices of people who died and use it to lure people to them, they can take the form of that person too.”
“Why does it want female hearts?” I asked, not realizing I had yet told her what my mysterious caller kept asking for when they called me.
“It… It wants my heart?” she asked shakily.
I cursed to myself before letting out a frustrated sigh. “I think this thing wants hearts, but it only wants female hearts. Why? I don’t know yet. But the only other person to be found after killing someone in those cabins was found with his partner’s heart missing to which he was blamed for taking out of her. Recently, I’ve been getting calls from some… Thing wanting me to bring you back here so it could take something from you. It would have taken Ms. Greymoore’s, but you hid her well enough that only the police could find her in time. Now, I’ve been getting calls asking for you and to get something from you.”
Kate looked to me in shock before a wave of guilt twisted her face in pain. “I… I’m so, so… So sorry, Detective!” She cried out. “I… I had… I had no idea you were being… Harassed by it! Had I known it wanted me back and was demanding you brought me here, I never… I didn’t… That’s why it said you brought me back! Oh, I’m such an idiot!” She pressed her hands to her face, grabbing at her hair between her fingers and tightening them around her eyes.
“No, no, no, stop, stop that!” I ordered, screeching the car to a halt, having to bring it to a crooked stop so I could stop her from hurting herself. I snatched her arms from her head and pinned them to her lap, tears flooding her face. “It’s my fault for not telling you sooner! I was too focused on trying to solve this case with the most efficient evidence I could, but that just kept me looking to you as a suspect. I should have stopped thinking you were the killer the moment I got that first call. There’s no way any of us could have seen… This coming… Except people who probably already believe in that kind of stuff or don’t stop to assume a more rational explanation like a cult… I’m… I’m sorry. But, I won’t let it take anything from you, not anymore. I’m going to get you home and then I’ll deal with this with the rest of the police department. You don’t have to deal with this thing anymore, it’ll be my burden from now on. You need time to finally get some rest and mourn your friends with your and their families. It’s already fucked your life up enough, I won’t let it go on making it worse.”
I stopped her before she could argue with me with a wave of my hand. “Your friends’ deaths shouldn’t be your burden to handle. I know you want to be the one who kills that thing and do right by them, but that’s not what they would want. They’d want you to remember them and continue living. They know you didn’t do it, so stop blaming yourself and stop acting like you’re the one who has to make it up to them. I will put an end to this die trying, but you need to go home and be with people who are happy you still get to live.”
Kate looked down at her hands that I kept down on her lap before nodding weakly and letting out a broken “okay.”
“Good, now let’s get you home before-“
My words were cut off when the honk of a car barreling toward us echoed through the woods. The headlights were fast approaching and I barely had time to grab the gear shift to put us back in drive as the other vehicle hit us, forcing us back and forth in one violent motion. It took me a moment to check myself to be sure I hadn’t hit my head on anything or got whiplash from the crash before I immediately returned my full attention to Kate who was kneeling over holding her head. I gently grabbed her shoulder and pulled her up to examine her head. It didn’t appear to have been busted and bleeding, but she was holding the front side of her forehead.
“Are you okay?” I asked her, prying her hand away from the spot on her forehead, seeing that it was beginning to bruise. “Can you hear me? Blink twice if you can understand me!”
“I… I’m f-fine…” she mumbled as she looked to her hand to check if there was blood on her palm, “I… I think I just… Hit… Hit the w-window…” She then blinked twice in my direction before looking to the car that had rammed us.
I turned my attention as well to the car to see it was a police van, it’s front crushed into the left of my front. I quickly jumped out my vehicle and stormed to the van, yelling at who ever was driving the van to come out and explain what the hell they were doing.
The driver’s side of the van swung open once I was near enough and a man in an orange jumpsuit climbed out, staring familiar daggers at me. The moment realization set in, my mixed emotions of confusion, frustration, and fear turned to fury.
It was Leighton Raines.
“Jesus, you really are a shitty detective.” Was all he said to me before reaching into the can and retrieving a rifle out from the passenger seat.
[END OF PART 1]
Part 6

Lucifer began approaching Mary, kicking the caltrops out of the way while Mary was swinging her thurible, winding up a swing, also careful not to step on her own caltrops.
“Heh…… You completely surrounded yourself huh? That’s good”
Lucifer remarks, before holding out one of his hands.
“MAMMON! GAUNTLETS OF GREED!”
Lucifer’s gauntlets turned gold, and the caltrops nearby began to fly to him, Mary looking at the caltrops, before Lucifer closes his fist, enhancing the attraction of the gold, Mary suddenly getting stabbed from behind from the caltrops, and a lot of gold jewelry and gems from the audience also adding up, Lucifer’s gauntlets now having massive spiked knuckle dusters, Mary taking the caltrops out of her back, dripping myrrh into the wounds from her Thurible to close them.
“Cheap trick..”
Mary said to Lucifer, who grinned.
“It’s your fault for giving me those caltrops”
Meanwhile, Göll was shocked at Lucifer’s powers.
“He called out another Sin…is that how his powers work?”
Brunhilde then answers Göll.
“Yes, it’s a trick he learned when he first rebelled to the 6 Heavenly Leaders”
Brunhilde then looked at Mary, who stopped bleeding thanks to the myrrh produced by the thurible being empowered by the gifts of the 3 magi.
“You already know how and why Lucifer first rebelled against YHWH and the other Leaders, right?”
Brunhilde asked Göll, who nodded.
“He thought he was above them, rallying a 3rd of all pantheons and even Helheim, but was defeated by Michael, right?”
Brunhilde nods, looking at Lucifer’s armor.
“To be more precise, Lucifer was the perfect being in Heaven. He had everything he could ask and more, like a spoiled brat, and one time, when training in Heaven, he had this thought:Why am I not one of the 6 Heavenly Leaders?”
Brunhilde continued, Göll listening carefully.
“So, he went to each of the 6 Heavenly Leaders, and told them he wanted to also be a Leader, even being happy with being the 7th, but after a council, all 6 of them denied his request, as Lucifer was not worshiped like a God by the humans; This enraged Lucifer, to the point he grabbed a sword nearby, and lunged against Ra and Amaterasu, claiming that he just has to kill one of them and take their spot, before YHWH’s bodyguard, Michael, intervened, parrying his strike before throwing him out of the Council room”
While Brunhilde was talking, Göll couldn’t help but look at Lucifer’s armor and weaponry.
“And so, Lucifer became very determined into overthrowing all 6 Leaders, and traveled across all pantheons, recruiting several angels, monsters, demons, minor gods, and even managing to convince major ones, such as Seth, the Asuras, Mot, Baal, and many more, and after gathering such a large army and increasing his own power, he launched a full invasion in Heaven, aiming to kill YWHW first for revenge, but was met with a single obstacle:Michael”
Upon hearing Michael’s name, Göll had memories of the previous round, where Michael had fought against Yoshitsune and nearly died.
“T-the same Michael who fought last match?”
Brunhilde nodded, continuing the narration.
“Michael requested for a duel to solve the matter, whichLucifer agreed to, but as soon as the 6 Heavenly Leaders gave their approval for the duel, Lucifer sent his entire army against Michael, and after a long battle, Lucifer was finally defeated by a single Angel, something he still couldn’t believe, despite being surrounded by bodies, and being all beaten up. As he was still Alice, Lucifer then asked Michael how he won, and why he didn't kill him off, Michael replying with:”My faith in Lord YHWH granted me the strength to beat your selfish Pride, Lucifer, and the freedom of death will not be a proper punishment for you” before casting Lucifer’s entire army, including Lucifer himself, into the jaws of the Leviathan, the Gates of Helheim” “The Leviathan? Isn’t he also one of the 7 Deadly Sins?”
Göll asked Brunhilde, who then replied back.
“He wasn’t, until Lucifer was sent to Helheim, where he plotted to overthrow it, and after breaking out once with the help of the 72 Demons of the Ars Goetia, he went to the Leviathan’s mind, and told him that if the Leviathan helped him, Lucifer will make him a name everyone will fear and submit to, to which the Leviathan agreed to, and with the help of his fellow other sins, Beelzebub, Mammon, Belphegor, Satan and Asmodeus, he gathered all of the prisoners and sinners in Helheim, and successfully overthrew Hades and Thanatos, holding Hades hostage to avoid the 6 Heavenly Leaders from intervening, and banishing Thanatos out, becoming the sole leader of Helheim.”
Brunhilde finished narrating, as Göll kept looking at Lucifer’s armor and weapons while he fought Mary, especially captivated by the dark auras surrounding him.
“So, in Helheim, he then realized he could gather sin energy for himself?”
Göll asks once again, Brunhilde nodding in response.
“With that same sin energy, he kidnapped Kanayago and Hephaestus, while also forcing cyclops and the souls of human blacksmiths, to forge him the weapons and armor he’s using right now:the Armor of Pride, the Gauntlets of Greed, the Helmet of Sloth, the Hook of Gluttony, the Sword of Wrath, the Shield of Envy and the Spear of Lust”
As Brunhilde was listing Lucifer’s arsenal, Lucifer unsheathed his sword, approaching Mary.
“SATAN! SWORD OF WRATH:ABADDON PLAGUES!”
Lucifer’s sword then extended in black and red sin energy, and swung at Mary, who swung back, shattering the sword.
“LUCIFER’S SWORD HAS BEEN SHATTERED BY THE VIRGIN MARY’S SWING!”
Heimdall announces, Zeus then chuckling.
“She shouldn’t have”
The shattered fragments, still flying in the air, then turned into various plagues:toxic frogs, locusts, boiling oil, plague-infested pests and a pitch black smoke, Mary being unaffected by the frogs, locusts and pests, and swinging her thurible to dissipate the smoke, but burning her arms on the oil in the process.
“WHAT WAS THAT???”
Göll screamed shocked, Brunhilde calmly explaining.
“The weapons and armor are imbued with the sin energies, and with that, Lucifer can use various powers, which were given to him by his fellow sins, Satan's Wrath in this case”
Mary then cooled the oil off with myrrh, and upon seeing Lucifer approach, she swung the thurible around herself, creating a cloud of smoke.
“Yeah yeah, keep hiding you little bitch….hm?”
Lucifer stepped back from the incense smoke, and tapped his helmet, which grew an eye between the horns.
“Helmet of Sloth, Belphegor…..what do you mean your Automatic Aim can’t scan weak points through that smoke? What do you mean “Be happy you can still see an outline?””
As Lucifer began scanning the smoke, from the top balcony, Brunhilde saw that Mary had made a wall of frankincense smoke around her.
“So, his helmet was made with the power of Belphegor, the…..sin of sloth? How does that even make sense?”
Göll asked, confused, Brunhilde looking at Göll.
“Yes, but remember:Sloth is the sin of inaction, of not doing anything yourself, and the Helmet of Sloth automatically tells Lucifer where his enemy is, any incoming attack, and can even focus on weak points, doing all the work”
Inside the circle, Mary once again, swung her thurible, but this time, it also spewed incense, accelerating the swing, while Mary began to pray, the audience hearing the prayer from Heimdall’s speakers, and began joining in.
“_Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death. Amen._”
Soon, Lucifer could hear the audience had also begun praying along Mary.
“Hm? Oh, they’re praying for her safety? Hehe, how pathetic” “THE VIRGIN MARY IS PRAYING FOR HERSELF? FOR WHAT REASONS IS SHE DOING THIS?”
Heimdall announced, also confused.
“Ugh, LUCIFER! ARMOR OF PRIDE! JERICHO QUAKES!”
Lucifer’s boots glowed black, Lucifer doing a roundhouse kick towards the wall, shockwaves dissipating the smoke, revealing the Virgin Mary, who immediately charges towards Lucifer.
“_Ave Maria!_”
Lucifer was caught off guard by the speed at which Mary approached and attacked, using his gauntlets to shield himself.
“What the-”
As Mary’s thurible hits Lucifer’s gauntlets, a glowing light emerges from the point of contact, and Lucifer’s Gauntlets then shatter from the hit, shocking Lucifer, Heimdall and all of the audience, even making Zeus and Artemis worry.
“THE…..THE VIRGIN MARY LANDS A DEVASTATING HIT! LUCIFER’S GAUNTLETS HAVE BEEN BROKEN!”

THESE ARE ALL ALLEGATIONS I HAVE NO PROOF OTHER THAN WHAT I SAW AND THE PEOPLE WHO ATTENDED THE EVENT WITH ME
I made a post last night seeking advise for these sick animals in hopes I could contact the breeder and rescue these snakes. All of his social media pertaining to his business has been deleted, probably for some time now. I have no way of reaching out to rescue these animals, so I intend on posting these allegations in hopes of protecting others from doing business with him and of course raising awareness of maltreatment of these innocent snakes.
This is based in Washington state, at the Cascadia Reptile Expo from 5.18 - 5.19. The alleged sick hognoses are being sold by Evergreen State Reptiles owned by Shane Wooldridge.
As a recap this is what I saw to the best of my memory,
Multiple adult female hognoses marked at $300-$500 or so, one snow, one arctic, and I believe 2 normals along with multiple males.
He was selling many species of snakes and maybe lizards, but I was fixed on the hognoses. At a glance the other species of snakes and male hognoses looked to be in good condition, but that's all it was; a glance. As for the sick female hognoses, I did take 3 out of the deli cups with permission to handle and examine them.
The snow female had a lage scab on her face around the jaw area, and a pustle erupting from her head that looked like a massive pimple filled with whitish yellow puss. She was shaped like a pyramid, emaciated, spine poking out along her whole body and slim neck to emphasize the jaw bones. When I lifted her up where her umbilical cord had once been attached to her body, it was split open very obviously. It was healed over with exposed skin in the center.
The breeder claims he was told not to breed her due to the deformed umbilical scar, but did so anyways and she was fine. He also claimed she recently laid and was being fed small meals which is why she was emaciated, and if fed anything larger she would regurg. He claims her scab was an injury from the water dish. He said he'd give me a discount on her for the injuries and once she shed and eaten more she'd be fine. He also offered a discount for buying multiple.
The next female I examined I believe to be an arctic, she was also emaciated with her spine poking out along her whole body. Slim neck with jaw bones protruding. I don't recall the belly looking abnormal, but she had a bulbed tail. It felt hard at the bulb but it wasn't the biggest bulbed tail I'd ever seen. The breeder claimed she just needed to be fattened up and you wouldn't be able to notice it, he also claimed she had recently laid which was she was emaciated.
The last snake I examined was a normal, over all she had a nice plump figure and looked decent from the top. However, when I picked her up she had 2 belly scales lifted completely up while the others sat flat. These 2 scales were lifted at least a couple millimeters, filled with a pocket of yellow green puss that looked like it would explode at any moment. I have a horrible sense of smell, I cannot smell almost all of the time. This snake stunk, and she was sticky too. You could smell the infection before you got to the table, my friend with a sensitive sense of smell said the area reeked.
The breeder claims she was bred and could possibly be gravid and it was a loss for him but didn't want her. After I noticed the puss filled scales he asked to be handed the snake, he felt her and said he couldn't feel eggs. He then claimed the puss filled wounds were caused by a water dish, and he needs to sand them down. I wrangled her into the deli cup and told him I'd be back.
At no point did I comment on the wounds and state of these snakes, I simply examined them and the breeder freely made these claims to me without ever being asked. As well as acting as though he had never seen the pustle or infected belly scales.
After I left I asked another vendor to use their hand sanitizer and immediately went looking for a bathroom to wash my hands. I approached another vendor and told them what I saw and they were shocked and disgusted. They pointed out event staff to report what I saw to which I did immediately. I will be following up with them to see if they saw what I did or if the snakes were no longer on the table.
When I got home I put all my clothes in the wash and took a shower. I own 8 hognoses and glove between all of them, but I'm still going to be paranoid regardless.
I feel so horrible for those poor babies, and now I'm horrified for anyone who buys from this breeder or handled his animals and possibly cross contaminates. I'm no expert so there's small things I could've missed.
Again these are all allegations, I have no proof so please use your own judgment. Sorry for the long read but his is very wrong and needs to be known. No animal deserves to be treated like this.

Hello.
I looked up some posts here to see what people in this community had to say about Neville Goddard but most post were about manifestation. My question about Neville Goddard is how does the Gnostic community view Neville's suggestion, that we, are in essence, God? That our thoughts are God, and in being essentially creative beings, our actions are God. Does this relate to Gnostic thought in any way or is it a new age outlier? If the OT god is Yaldabaoth what does that mean we are, because Neville is using Biblical allegories to support his thesis?
Some quotes:
"Man is the ark of God in which Christ – God’s creative power – is contained. I am the ark of God, not a phantom of the earth and sea."
"God, as your imagination, can never be so far off as even to be near, for the nearness implies separation. Wherever you are, I am! To say: “I am” is near, is to claim God is another – but there is no other. You and God are one, for He is your wonderful human imagination!"
"Our world is the storm spoken of in the 8th chapter of Luke. Having entered our body, we have fallen asleep to our creative power. But when we discipline our mind, we quail the storms. "
"And beginning with Moses in the law and all the prophets and the psalms, you will interpret to all all the things concerning yourself. So when He comes, that second coming is simply the fulfillment in you of what you heard and accepted with faith."
There are many more. I would like to know how this idea may be reconciled with knowledge presented in Gnostic texts. Thank you in advance.

Sorry kinda long, but context 🤷
First time I've been first party in a real interaction vs being the observer. Wife and I keep to ourselves and try to avoid the public as much as we can for good reasons, we are respectable quiet neighbors and have lived here for 8+ years with zero problems, and have never had a negative issue with anyone… but this guy…
8 months ago, this very senior golden retriever was running around a ditch next to a busy highway, wife who is an ex-vet tech of 20 yrs, pulls over to help and realizes it's our neighbors dog per his id tag/collar, whom we've never had more than a hello and head nod from prior to this, she gets the dog wrangled and takes him back (over ½ miles from home) just to proceed to being yelled at about touching his dog and “she let him out the back fence on purpose” etc… it's crazy shit, but my wife did the right thing, said he's crazy and has moved on/forgotten. Dog saved, mission success.
I'm asleep and got this second hand until i was awakened…
Nice crisp morning this am, wife planting flowers in front garden bed, an approximately 6 months old cat gets ran over in the street basically right in front of her, on the opposite side of the street from our house. A small picket fence and sidewalk separated her from the street, she had a front row view and heard the “squish”-her tear soaked words. She's mortified and upset as any animal lover would be seeing that at 0730 in a rural quiet area, peacefully gardening with a morning coffee. She dawns some gloves and moves the cat off the street respectfully to the closest non sidewalk/road spot , as anyone living rurally understands clearing the roads from animals etc..., This side (opposite our side) has no sidewalk, but it's a gravel berm leading to said grumpy old man's unfenced front yard. She places the body basically on the berm, and there is a row of bushes, with the cat resting under the closest bush in the berm to the street, leaving the animal mostly visible but out of the way/road. Cat had a collar and tags so she knew it was a pet.
As a side note: She had her dog get ran over in front of her when she was 10 and is hyper paranoid still about our animals getting out. I respect it.
Cue Boomer…
As my wife is walking back up our longish driveway to wash her hands and go back to her flowers, she hears “FUCK YOU YA STUPID CUNT” and sees him hurl the body of the cat by the tail, at her into the street and flips her off. My wife doesn't really take shit, it's a reason I love her, she harnesses “rip the band aid right off” mentality. So she turns around, with tears in her eyes being a sensitive animal person and sees his obese bald ass flipping her the bird and laughing. She goes and grabs the cats body out of the street (again) and moves it to behind his back fence/alley and says “technically not your property, it's county’s responsibility now”. I was asleep and didn't see this interaction yet, but she said as she moved the cat he yelled all sleezy like “why don't you suck my dick bitch" So she said some basic shit talking back and stormed up the driveway
I wake up hearing our dogs flipping out cause “ALERT people amz yelling outsidez ALERT”. See her storming up the driveway, I haven't had a sip of coffee yet note you.
She tells me what happened. I look out and he's talking to his other sided neighbor, who witnessed the whole thing too pointing at our place, she's a boomer Karen too, who is 72 and they're friends.
As I hear that he asks my wife about the whole dick situation I'm seeing red and decide to go over there and confront the most "get off my lawn" asshole I've ever ran into.
I have my phone on audio recording in my pocket so I have backup/proof if anything goes amiss.
I'm halfway down my driveway, I hear "What's he gonna do punch me or shoot me or some dumbass shit", it needs to be noted I'm 6’9” ~250 lbs and in pretty fit shape with a decade of CQC and martial arts training so I am aware of power disparity in situations, I stay calm and quiet and get close enough not to yell, but say
Me: "why is your first instinct to think I'm here to instigate violence??"
Boomer: “ I didn't say tha-”
Me:”I'm not deaf I heard you say that, answer me, why do you think violence is an acceptable answer, you coward. Why do you presume I would come over and just assault someone, this shows me your mindset”
Boomer: “well your wife said-”
Me: “ let's talk about my wife, she said you asked her to come and suck your dick and called her a cunt and a bitch, you're lucky I'm not actually reacting... sir have you ever been married”
Boomer: chuckles "yeah actually a few times"
Me: chortles mean and loudly "yeah I bet, no surprises there. How would you have reacted to some old man who is more than double your age, asking your wife to suck his dick and calling her a cunt??”
Boomer: "well I'd be acting like you I suppose"
Me: "okay so you understand you fucked up then, YOU DO NOT SPEAK TO ANOTHER MANS WIFE LIKE THIS WITHOUT EXPECTING A HUSBAND TO SHOW UP AND SAY SOMETHING"...
Boomer: "SHE PURPOSELY PUT A DEAD CAT ON MY ROSES"
Me:" no she moved someone's dead pet from the street out of respect and trauma from witnessing a pet get ran over" * admitted dick move, Knowing he lost his goldy a few months ago I ask* "sir have you ever lost a pet?"
Boomer: reacts some nonverbally "yes I've had multiple pets die in my arms"
Me: "imagine your last pet getting ran over, and then ran over by another car and another and another, now that is how some kid is probably going to feel from that mobile home park over there, as that's their cat."
NOTE down the alley behind his fence there's a small mobile home park with some super sweet families and are great neighbors, my son goes to school with their kids, solid people I'm happy to call my neighbors...
Boomer: "I don't fucking care about those Mexican kids and it's a dead cat. Who fucking cares, keep IT OFF MY FUCKING ROSES!"
Me: "first off youre a fucking bigot to bring their ethnicity into this, that doesn't change a fucking thing old man, act your age and have some self respect. YOU think you're a man, be a man and act like one, heres the difference between men and boys, men, care about their community and I was raised properly to respect and be kind to my neighbors, it's obvious you don't care how anyone in the community sees you."
I quietly, firmly said, " you don't talk to my wife, she won't talk to you. You have any issues, you talk to me and best watch how you approach me. I have surveillance and will ensure this is handled correctly"
I saw loads of sweat rolling down the wrinkles of his face and looked into his jaundice laiden eyes. Decided to beat him at his own game, stuck out my hand and he instinctively shook it.
I vice gripped it and muttered, "and if you ever talk to me or my family like that again, I'll be going to jail..." And walked off.
I hear as I walk back up the driveway, the Karen friend say “he made good points about a lot of that Ed, probably the best resolution you could've hoped for"
Not really shocked or surprised this occurred, just disappointed
I copied and pasted most of the transcript here from the recording and watched the footage from the videos, it seems to have gone exactly like my wife said... /Facepalm end rant
Tldr: boomer berates my wife and then tells her to suck his dick, for her trying to get a dead pet out of the street, so I confronted him.

I was friends with this guy for 20 years. He got engaged last November and asked me to be his best man last September.
I moved out of his/my hometown some months before that to a town around two hours away, so we hadn’t hung out as much. However, I tried to invite him to things over this way and let him know when I was in town. He consistently would be busy (and I was guilty of this sometimes as well, I’m not perfect either) but would get mad at me and say “I never wanted to hangout anymore” even when I would offer a rain check and an alternative date or activity.
All activities had to be on his own terms. My girlfriend got a concussion in March of this year and he invited us on a cruise and to a rollercoaster park. I told him that she can’t attend those events due to her concussion, and offered some alternative events like camping or hiking. He got irrationally angry and basically accused her and me of lying so that we could “avoid him”.
The biggest clencher: he has only met her once when we invited him to dinner at our house. He has not met her parents. When I had to take a rain check on a hangout in December due to catching Covid (and sending him the positive test), he called me and immediately went on a paranoid rant about how she was lying to me about her finances and how her father, who helped her buy the house, would not have let his daughter shop at Habitat for Humanity “because it’s for poor people”. Put him on “probation” after that.
In April, last month, I agreed to attend a festival with him and my girlfriend was going to show up later or earlier due to a horse lesson. She is still taking lessons, but is only doing groundwork and basic handling due to her concussion. We got ready to leave for the festival and he texts me “oh yeah we left early”. Didn’t respond to me for two hours. By this time, gf was at her lesson but texted them and invited them to dinner. He calls me, and tells me he’s at a golf course near by and invites me. I show up, and he immediately grills me because my girlfriend isn’t there. “Geez, some girlfriend you have who ISN’T TRYING TO GET TO KNOW YOUR BEST FRIEND”. I explained the situation yet again to him.
Also grilled me for not having had planned his bachelors party when the wedding is still two years away and he hasn’t even sent me a list of groomsmen yet.
The next day, he sends me a text: “hey, if (gf) isn’t riding anymore why is she still taking lessons?” I explain the situation one more time. His response? “What the fuck, that makes no sense man. She’s taking lessons on a Sunday when the barn is closed? You’re telling me the barn owner is going to come in on their one day off and give her groundwork lessons? That makes no sense and both I and you are obviously getting played like a fiddle”.
I just texted him today and formally dropped out of the wedding and the friendship and blocked him. It is done.

the ground continued to rumble and fracture, as massive and numerous craters formed across the world. explosions large then before started to go off around the world, wiping entire continents from the face of the planet. we didn't know what we should do, with nowhere to run and the whole world readying to blow, we were stuck in place. a mere moment later the ground broke apart below us, causing us to start plummeting down toward the molten core of the planet. i grabbed Lobelia as we fell and quickly started to fly us back out of the crater, dodging falling rumble on the way out. even though we didn't die to the fall, we still had no where to go, since everything around us continued to fall into destruction. as we flew in place, trying to figure out what to do next, we saw the space in front of us start to fracture and split. suddenly the fracture in space in front of us blew open, as we saw a being standing on the other side of the opening. it told us to come through quickly before it was too late and with no another options before us, i flew with Lobelia through the opened space. upon coming through, the opening sealed back up behind us, as the being opened up a window to view what was happening. i asked the being if it was friend or foe, to with it only said "watch and learn", with which we stared at the window he opened up. through this window, we could see what happened to the world, as it crumbled into itself, super heating the core. suddenly the core exploded, causing it to explode the planets nearby, until the chain reaction flowed into the suns. this in turn overloaded the suns, forcing a duel supernova and wiping everything away in a moment. with that the being closed the window and took a few steps away, probably to gather itself together again after what we all witnessed. i asked the being why it showed us that, to which it responded "you needed to see what happens when we fail to stop these evil things, we can't let anymore fall to the evil". Lobelia asked it "who are you?", to it's answer "i am one forced from my home as you, just as we also share a fate". the being shifted into a solid form and for the first time we could see it in a true form, as i noticed the crest upon it's back. it turned and spoke to us, telling us of it's past, how it was chosen for this, and what the crest granted it. this being was a shapeshifter that couldn't fend off the invasion of it's realm and only discover the ability to open a space between realms as it fell though one it opened by accident near the core before falling in. it's name was Xeyu and it has the ability to obviously shapeshift, with helps to infuriate enemy forces, manipulate space around it, which allowed it to move through space instantly and block with the space around it by grabbing a hold of it, which then it discovered this place we're in now. from here Xeyu can open a rift for us to enter a new realm and find more of the bearers of the crest, while lending aid to the people of the realm.
Xeyu told us about the space we currently were in as we tried to calm down and recover some strength. this place existed between realms in empty space, though it is unknown if we could return to it, since Xeyu hasn't left this place since his realm vanished. it's spent an unknown amount of time here, learning how to use it's abilities, until he found us and brought us here. we figured it would be for the best if we took time to recover completely before we tried to travel to another realm. as Lobelia and i recovered, Xeyu tried to look through windows to other realms to try and find more bearers of the crest. Lobelia brought over the translated scrypts to see if they might give us a clue of where to look next. from the one that reminded, we figured "wielder beyond dreams" was Xeyu, so that left us to figure out "the depths of great mountain", "realm of the feather winged", and "traitor against the darkness". Xeyu figured that "realm of the feather winged" would be the sky realm of the angelic, "the depths of great mountain" might be the crossroad realm of cosmic mountain, but for "traitor against the darkness", we all had no clue. by what xeyu could see, the crossroad realm could be a little too dangerous currently, because beings from other realms could cross through if they know how to get there. we decided it would be best if we went to the sky realm of the angelic, since we could use the extra hands if we find the next bearer of the crest there. with our plans to move forward in place, we readied ourselves to go as Xeyu located the space that would connect us to the realm of the angelic. when the rift opened, we were staring out into open sky, as we wondered if Xeyu missed the mark for getting to the realm. Xeyu reminded us that this is a sky realm, which meant that the land is floating in the air, we just happened to not be able to be near any landmasses from where the rift opened. Xeyu shifted around part of it's back into the form of wings and i picked up Lobelia in preparation for the flight ahead.
we took flight out of the rift, closing it behind us, in the direction in front of us in the hope of finding some land to start our search. we were unsure of what to expect as we flew through the air since we only had views of the area, but never saw what the people of this realm look like. after a while of flying we started to see a floating island in the distance with we figured would be a good place to start to try and understand this place. as we got closer to the landmass, we quickly realized it wasn't the small island we thought it was, but a massive continent shrouded in cloud cover. when we made our approach to come in for a landing, we suddenly noticed numerous shadows circling around us from all sides. we came to a stop, flying in place, as we tried to figure out what was going on, mostly curious if whatever it was is friend or foe. a figure in the clouds moved toward us, until it came into the open, revealing themself to be an archangel. he spoke to us, "why have you come intruding on this land strange beings? if you've come to invade, we shall destroy you were you are". you spoke out to him "we wish no harm upon the people of this realm, we only seek to lend aid cross the realms against the evil that's grow and find those who share our destiny". at this time roughly 30 other beings came out from the blanket of clouds, revealing to us a mixer of angels, harpys, bird folk, and Valkyries. one of the harpys flew up next to us and ask "what do you mean by those who share your destiny?" as she stared with confusion. before we could explain the archangel interrupted saying "you seem to have good intentions, let us continue at the meeting hall and give you time to rest from your flight.", to which we agreed. the group guided us to the meeting hall while giving us a slight tour of the vendors as we grabbed some food before the meeting. on the way to the meeting hall, they had us stop by a weapon smithing shop that a friend owned to drop off some food and introduce us if we needed equipment repairs while here. as we approach the shop, we see a Valkyrie testing out various weapons off to the side of the shop. a member of the group mentioned to us that she was not only the weapon smith, but also a weapons master, so we can trust the quality of her work. when we got closer i notice a mark on her wing and when we got up to her, i knew for sure, it was the crest. they handed over the food to her and introduce us to her, mentioning we may need her help with some repairs, to with she said she could help. i spoke up saying "i have a feeling we may need more then your help with repairs.", looking at the mark on her wing, "if you can, join us at the meeting hall if you want to know more about that mark.", to with she agreed, closing up shop and following us to the meeting hall.

I once read that fat chicks are good for fucking but you would not want your bros to know that you're fucking one. I guess this applies to me.
So I met this guy in tinder and had been seeing each other for more than 6 months. It's an fwb setup not exclusive but we agreed to give each other a heads up at least if we're fucking other people for safety purposes.
We always meet up at my place with me buying the alcohol getting it ready for him while we chat and drink and then have sex after. I honestly enjoyed the chats but was very hesitant at first since I have no relationship experience and considering our set up, I don't really want to know anything about him or I might get attached but he insisted on the chats cause he just did not want to have sex without knowing the person.
He had quite a high sex drive which matched mine since we were having sex at least 5 times a week in the first month. But then it lessened until it became twice per month. I had my suspicions that he was seeing someone else since nobody's sex drive would drop that low or is it just me? Another sign was him insisting that I should see other people. The condoms too were the final straw.
I should have really stand my ground and broken it off with him last week but he insisted that he still liked the sex. But then he blew me off again this weekend so I went and finallyy had sex with another guy randomly. I just felt so dirty with myself that I showered a multiple times. Then his text came at 4pm that he had just woken up and had a bad hangover. I just texted him that he was getting too busy with his new girl and maybe i should find another guy so I won't disturb him anymore. All I got was an "Ok".
It hit me then that I was just the girl who was always available for him to fuck. Free pussy and drinks. I became so toxic and desperate and it's pathetic. All his excuses when I wanted us to meet outside just makes sense now. I'm just for fucking and not for dating. I know confidence should come from within but it damn did take a good hit with me. You get what you tolerate I guess. Just got to charge this to experience and move on. I'll just remind myself that if he messages me again, he's just bored. Better use your dildo girl than be someone else's blow up doll.

F in mid 20's
tl;dr cuddly moment with a very handsome stranger on an overnight bus and it's hard to stop thinking about him!! Even though I realize how superficial it is. also am a few months into a relationship that i want to be in/grow :\
So I was recently on a 6 hr overnight bus in Europe. We boarded around 10:30 pm, so it's late and people are tired. I boarded at the frist stop and i'm like sweeeet, the bus is only half full and i'll probably have both seats to myself (window/aisle). i make kind of an asshole move and sit in the window seat (always my preference) even though i think my assigned seat is actually aisle, thinking that I'll just swap if i do have a seat mate who wants window. so i'm trying to rest, and at the next stop, this tall apparation appears next to the aisle i'm in and says he's here. i don't take a good look at him and at first am wary that this is just a guy trying to sit next to a girl when there are so many other seats open, not cause i think i'm hot shit but because my recent luck on flights convinced me that i'd have the aisle to myself hahaha. so he sits down in the aisle seat and we don't say antything to each other. we're both trying to sleep but also very restless, moving around, changing positions etc.
I notice he's restless too and feel bad that he's actually supposed ot have window seat, thinking he could lean his head against the window and also realizing i have a little rolled puffer jacket that i could place between my shoulder and head for neck suppport. so i offer to switch seats with him. he's like, sure. now more often than not, our thighs aren't touching, but occasionally and with increasing frequency there are moments where they do touch and neither of us move away. personally it feels good, the warmth. a little bit later, i'm moving around and he's like, you can rest your head on my shoulder if you want. so i'm like, oh thank you. I try not to but eventually i lean a little bit on him and at one point I put my firm rolled jacket onto his shouler and lean on that lol.
suddenly (it probably wasn't sudden but i was in and out of sleep) I realize that his hand is ever so slightly touching my lower, left thigh. i'm like :0 again, it feels good. I nuzzle my leg towards him so that his hand covers more of it. it's like this for a while and gets a little frisky for a few seconds where i'm pushing towards him with a little more intensity and i can feel it returned through his hand on my thigh. It never moves up but he does try to feel my breasts under my top. but i'm wearing an athletic tank with a sports bra so in his sleepy low effort state he doesnt and I'm also kind of relieved cause I feel like that would've broken the substantial physical boundaries we still had, given how i was already feeling.
we're both still not reaching any kind of deep sleep, we'll occasionally muster "did you fall asleep?" to each other when either of us wakes up a little. it was cute. i'm also changing positions and at one point, i try lying in his lap with my knees bent over the side of the seat next to the aisle. I notice that his flannel jacket thing smells good and it's reassuring that this stranger man is hygenic lol. now this part fucking getsss me. for some reason, his hand is by my neck and he gently grazes it. i probably lean into that and he moves his hand near my mouth, like i was so close to kissing his fingers but the fact they're proabbly germy af despite his fresh smelling clothing is enough to stop me in this sleepy daze that i'm in. i try to not make conversation cause i don't wanna open more doors.
after that I sit up again cause i'm like... hm i want to re establish some physical boundaries for myself cause i'm a hair away from losing it. his hand is on my leg again and i interlace my fingers on his, and sometimes the gems and silver on my fingers glitter in the moonlight. i would pull myself away though cause i was like, hm this is too much.
ANYWAY, we reach our destination very early, before the city metro lines are running. our accomodations are somewhat close so we split a rideshare car there. at this point, i learn his name, basic info about what he does for work etc. we trade contact info and we text each other a, hope you get to your spot safely/maybe we can hang out, etc but never meet up during my 2 days in that city (for the better), then text each other that it was nice to meet you, wish you the best on your travels.
Thoughts/questions:

• how common is this, personal experiences of stories from others?
  
• when someone next to you says, you can lean on me if you're comfortable with it/if you want... how often do you think it's an invitation for something more? and that taking up that offer means something more?
  
• fuck that sleepy haze where your hands are in more control than your mind honestly and desire for warmth/comfort precedes anything else. definitely more aware that i can get like this in those situations
  
• i think this is extra on my mind cause i am in a relationship and this was definitely not within the boundaries of what we wanna see from each other
  

6 months after my husband was arrested for solicitation of prostitution and finding out he had been going to massage parlors and seeing escorts for years.
•I’ve been reading books on cbt, ptsd, negative thinking. Workbooks on self-esteem and self love.
•Individual and marriage therapy. I have a psychiatrist and and therapist
•Working out 5 days a week at 5AM
•Multiple medications. Antidepressant, mood stabilizer, anti psychotics.
•Venting on Reddit haha
I had months of paranoia, anxiety, feelings of insecurity and “I’m not enough mentality”.
These are things I have done that have helped me the most.
•Dedicating at least 1 hour a day to whatever my top most goal was. Since mine was recovery in general I would either work out for an hour, meditate, read, did my therapy, or a form of self care (bath, massage, etc.) this time has to be non-negotiable.
•Learn the science behind what is going on. The things you are feeling are activated in the back of your brain. The same feelings that you get when a grizzly bear is chasing you, is activated. Your brain is really trying to protect you so be kind to it. But also your brain can’t function in 2 places at once. You need to make the brain go to your front lobe in times of high emotion or panic. You can do that but thinking back from 100 by 7 or listing names that start with the letter B etc.
•Give yourself grace and be kind to yourself. You have a reason for the way you feel. This is trauma. Especially if you are with a narcissist don’t let them or anyone make you feel like you are crazy and that your feelings aren’t valid.
•Journal. I would write self forgiveness or things I really liked about myself, goals for the week and month.
•Cognitive Behavior. I have to practice this since I’m really not good at it but it is supposed to require your brain once you get good. Event occurs, thought happens, and then behavior occurs. Example. Husband checked out girl in restaurant, immediate feelings of insecurity. Then I would be quiet or angry the rest of the date. It’s a lot of self sabotage. Instead try to change the thought but it has to be something you really believe. Like I might would change it to “I mean she is really pretty, can’t really blame him for looking but he is choosing to be with me right now when he could be doing anything else.” I’m sure that thought could be better hence why I’m not super good at this yet lol.
•You are going to be okay regardless. When have you not figured it out? Say they mess up again. You’ll use rock bottom to propel you and good things will continue to happen in your life. Say they never mess up again, that’s great too. “With or Without You” mentality.
•Have some form of support. Whether it’s a therapist or a good friend you need someone to listen and make you feel like your feelings are validated.
•Fall in love with yourself. You have great qualities that somebody will love about you but even if you don’t date again. You are enough just being you. My aunt never got in serious relationship again after she divorced in her 30s and she lives her best life!
•I read on a sex worker forum and they said that men acting out is kind of similar to them going to the bathroom haha. They have an urge that needs to be met but it’s so not emotional. They compartmentalize sex as a basic human function. Any if they cheat on you emotionally, that’s another mental issue. I don’t know why this just made me feel better.
You are not defined by your SO and you are not your emotions! “You are a good person whom bad things have happened too”-Sirius Black
Books I’ve read that have helped so far: Girl wash your face-Rachel Hollis Confidence and insecurity workbook Self love rainbow workbook by Dominee Calderon. Get out of your head by Jennie Allen.
If you have any books you would like to share or any other advice to give please let me know!