How to tell ex bf goodbye

I 22F and my bf 25M are currently on a break for the week. I’m doing my uni finals at the moment, and I have been a bit stressed. I noticed my bf wasn’t really talking to me the way he normally would and I asked him what’s up. He sent me a really long text detailing now he thinks we are never on the same page (1), he keeps thinking about how I read his diary (2), I called him my ex’s name by acccident (3), and he is stressed because I am frustrated about my exams (4). I’ll detail these more now.

1. He wants kids. I met him online and told him in my profile I was strictly against kids. Recently, I have come around about that, but I am still unsure. I’m not against them but I have explained I would need to do what I want and live my life a bit and have a house and job before I could decide that. I am also a child of divorce and saw how that really affected my mum, and I explained to him how that also put me on the fence. He said he doesn’t want to be with someone for years and it feel like a “waste” if it doesn’t work out kids wise and he doesn’t wanna start dating in his 30s. Another thing is travel. I had told him I would perhaps like to travel after uni, but I am forgoing that. I said it would be nice to go away on holiday like his other friend couples do maybe once a year, but he thought that I was insinuating we MUST go this year. I explained that I wasn’t expecting him to, because he wants to save for a house (rent), and he can’t get any hols anyway. He was really silent after that as if we had “argued” and in his eyes that was an argument he brought up this week. I didn’t raise my voice at him or argue, rather said that wasn’t what I meant and explained further.
   
2. This one is bad, I know. I was in a really bad place mentally, and I thought that something was wrong with him since he sometimes suffered from anxiety and dealing with the future. I had only read the last entry he put in and immediately after I read it I told him as I felt so guilty betraying him. I’ve apologised profusely and I’ve been going to counselling to help my own anxiety and depression. I wanna note that I’m not like that around him, it’s mainly when I’m by myself so he doesn’t really see that side of me. In the moment I was genuinely worried for him. I know it still makes what I did bad.
   
3. This one really tears me up every day. We were playing around, and instead of saying his name in a playful annoyed way I said my exes. He immediately shut down and wouldn’t talk to me or hear me out. In fact, he kicked me out of his house. I get that what I said was not nice to hear, and upon talking to my counsellor she said it was a common thing to do, and doesn’t mean I was thinking about my ex. I wanna say that I DO NOT think about them and have blocked and deleted them from my life. In doing that however, I did begin to spend more time with my gay bestie who happens to have the same name as my ex and I happened to talk to on that day. I really believe it was a mistake and I thought he was trying to move past it but he keeps bringing it up.
   
4. He doesn’t like to be around me when I’m stressed. When I’m frustrated, I’m not angry at him or raise my voice at him or be passive aggressive, it’s more so internalised at myself. He was offering me advice this year and feels like because I didn’t stick to a schedule to complete my uni tasks, I was ignoring him. I work last minute, it’s how I have always worked and I get great result. Not to mention, in his final uni year he was the same as me. I dont really get this argument to be honest.
   

I also wanna note that he told me he wasn’t sure if this is the “real” me or if I was on my best behaviour at the start of the relationship. Everything was great at the start, but in my first week of uni my grandmother does, I then had to have surgery 2 months later to remove breast tumours (non cancerous), and I guess that and uni stress really caught up with me. He saw that I was doing better by going to the gym and feeling better about myself, but said that I snap back at times and don’t like myself. I think this is normal as some people have off days but I think he’s annoyed by it.
Also, at the start of our relationship he was really anxious about us, and I helped him through it. He was also stressed about jobs, and I had helped him prep and make a new cv as I’m good at that stuff and he got job offers. In fact at one point he said to me that he thought I was with him for money. I had more in savings than him at that point and paid for things/went 50/50. I am also lined up for a higher earning job than him when I’m out of uni. So, I guess I’m asking what should I do about this? I genuinely love him but my parents have said he’s not treating me nicely, and my friends have said the only thing that I have done wrong is read his diary.

Previous diary entry here: https://www.reddit.com/buffy/comments/1cuyf6k/rewatchers_diary_season_2_episodes_15_to_18/
The last sprint to the finish line: I Only Have Eyes for You (2x19), Go Fish (2x20), Becoming (2x21-2x22).
Man, I Only Have Eyes for You is such a beautiful gem of a composition. Go Fish is less bad than I remembered it (but still bottom-tier), Becoming FUCK YEAH!
I Only Have Eyes for You
It's the Sadie Hawkins dance and the gender roles are reversed—on BTVS, of all places ;-)
Xander suggests it's the brain child of a hairy-legged feminist and Cordelia is upset not only at losing her privilege of having her date pay for the date but also at having the tables turned all the way around and having to be the one who has to pay. Man I love the anti-chemistry of Xandelia.
But all is not well: Sunnydale high is haunted by the ghost of a student (James), whose romance with a teacher (Grace) was broken off by her. He responded with a murder-suicide which he is now reenacting. This is the mystery of the week.
The emotional significance is that Buffy identifies with James: she feels she betrayed and murdered Angel, unleashing Angelus. Her inability to kill Angelus in Innocence led to Jenny's death in Passion, which Buffy feels guilt about.
The punchline is Buffy and Angel(us) reenacting the ghost story, with Buffy in James' shoes, Angel surviving Buffy's murder attempt and preventing Buffy-as-James' suicide. Grace forgives James and says she never stopped loving him, the ghosts depart, Angel is back in his Angelus form who runs off.
Also, the final reveal: Spike, driven more crazy by Angelus, has been overstating his incapacitation.
I frigging love this episode.
I think Buffy's big change is her acceptance that Angel is dead, and that a demon (Angelus) has taken up shop in his body. It walks and it talks like Angel but it's no longer him. This has to be it, because the ghostly reenactment basically says that the Bangel love is forever and is still there even if Angel isn't—and yet, Buffy is more resolved and determined to kill Angelus than ever. This only makes sense if she's distinguishing between the two, i.e. if she's accepting that the man she used to love is gone.
The ghost story is beautifully tragic. The resolution, Grace's forgiveness and the departure of the ghosts, is such a heart-warming relief. And Buffy sorting out her feelings is wonderfully bittersweet.
Giles being distraught by the loss of Jenny, to the point of him not thinking straight, is heartbreaking. Metaphorically Giles is Buffy's mind, making it very fitting that Buffy's resolution is about sorting out her understanding of the Angel/Angelus distinction.
I noticed a thing: during the triangular binding spell we have Buffy at the center of the action, with Willow, Xander and Giles Cordelia supporting her, a motif replayed in Primeval (4x21).
If we understood the metaphor in Teacher's Pet (1x4) we learned that student-teacher romance means the teacher is preying on the student. Here it was... well preying is the wrong word, but here it was the student harming the teacher. I feel this might dilute the message of Teacher's Pet; this episode could've been a bit more on-brand with a line or two with the message that it's not uncommon or shameful for teens to have feelings for 20-somethings—but, if reciprocated, it's inappropriate for the older person to act on those feelings. The tie-in between James/Grace and Buffy/Angel would be perfect, the social commentary would be more to my liking, and I think the social commentary I want is on-point for BTVS. Heck, if you peel of the big S2 metaphor, I see a 16yo girl crushing on a ~26yo red flag, with disastrous consequences. The social commentary I'm calling for is the whole bloody point of S2, so why not reinforce it here? Maybe it would dilute the "awww" when Grace forgives James, like, we're meant to feel it's a sweet couple and they should get each other and that has to be an undiluted high note.
Nitpicking aside, what a gem!
Go Fish
I asked the writers for a good episode, but they said "go fish". Oh well, I guess there's plenty of fish in the sea. Let's plunge in and take a deep dive.
I remembered this as "that one really awfully disappointing episode of Buffy". This time, I found it to be merely "meh". There were a few decent comedy bits: "undercover" // "not under much" and "I'm dating a guy on the Sunnydale High swim team" // "you can die happy" #OohBurn look at the shallow Spordelia Cordelia.
There was a gender role reversal—on BTVS of all places—when Buffy walks Swimmer #2 home from The Bronze (for his protection) after he was attacked.
But on the whole... see, I kinda' enjoyed the early S2 MotW episodes, back when MotW was pretty much all that BTVS was. But now that I have tasted the Bangelus arc (again, this being a rewatch), I have lost my taste for MotWs—at least if they have no tie-in to the bigger picture. This is an episode I simply have no taste for, it doesn't excite me.
[I consider Phases (2x15) and BBB (2x16) MotW episodes with strong thematic tie-ins to the Bangelus arc: all the scoobies are dating monsters. And arguably, Passion (2x17) is about Jenny making risky dating choices, a follow-up on The Dark Age (2x8), making 2x14-2x17 a thematically cohesive run of episodes.]
Becoming
Fuck. Yeah.
Joss is such a scumbag. First he gives Buffy this great resolve and determination (perhaps after some feelings of resignation) in I Only Have Eyes for You, then he makes her waver a bit when she discovers Jenny's re-ensoulment spell. And then she gets Angel back, but it's too late since Angelus already pulled the pin on the doomsday vortex grenade, so she has to let go of him AGAIN! :(
Spike is chaotic and funny. You can always count on his loyalty, at least if you're the highest bidder, and Buffy effectively offered him his big ho girlfriend back. He's such a fool for love, wink-wink nudge-nudge.
I noticed a parallel between the trio of vampires and the trio of nerds: Angelus/Warren is the evil sociopathic leader of the group, Drusilla/Andrew has a crush on the leader and Spike/Jonathan betrays the group and sides with Buffy and the scoobies. [But also differences, of course: SpikeSilla are not as weak-willed as Andrew/Jonathan, for one. And the trio of vampires is charming.]
... and Xander brings Willow back by talking about their friendship and telling her he loves her!
Angelus talked about ascending—retro-echoing the mayor's plot in Graduation Day 2 (3x22).
Also: Angelus tried to pull a sword out of a stone (Acathla). We just went from gothic horror to Arthurian legend? Spike's reaction, "someone wasn't worthy", indicates that Angelus is a false king, not worthy of the throne of Sunnydale. He's not the real mayor so he won't ascend: while he eventually manages to pull the sword out of the stone, his ultimate fate is a downfall—he descends into a hell dimension.
The scoobies have a disagreement in the library about how to deal with Angel(us). I find it notable that it's Xander, Buffy's metaphorical heart, who responds to "I'll stop him" with "like you did last time, with Ms. Calendar"—Buffy is still feeling guilty about not having the heart guts to kill Angelus in Innocence. It's Xander who knows the location of Angelus' mansion, i.e. it's her heart which leads her to lost lover, and it's her heart which says "kick his ass". When he rescues Buffy's metaphorical mind, he (Giles) says "why would they make me see you", i.e. Buffy's mind doesn't want what's in her heart, they are conflicted. Buffy is driven by her feelings and passions now just as much as she was in Surprise when she unleashed Angelus. Once her metaphorical mind has been rescued it saves the day: she gives her regained love one last kiss and one last goodbye, then, letting cooler heads prevail, kicks his ass stabs him in the heart, breaking it, to save the day.
And some greatest hits: "nobody asks for their life to change, not really" ;; "what's left?" // "me" ;; "you hit me one time with an axe" ;; "have you tried not being the slayer?" ;; "you're expelled".
Becoming is peak Buffy.

Alright Apes,
I was out walking my dog, ready to get back home to go to sleep, and then it happened. I did one last check of superstonk to get my dopamine hit that is our community and well, I got more than I asked for. Now I have too much energy to sleep because I am so fucking hyped for what I found. So here I am.
This beautiful post popped up at nearly midnight my time.
When it said watch in reverse, I had mixed emotions because one of my favorite post was the one with the opening to the White Stripes glitch mob remix. Go watch the video if you haven’t already. That’s one of my favorite songs for very personal reasons and the idea that GME was about to unleash something that caused a glitch was very exciting to me. I wanted that to be the foreshadowing that RK left us with.
But I like every other GME theory I read, it consumes me. I’m obsessed. So what the heck, let’s go watch everything in reverse.
Lucky for me I realized very quickly that when you go to the X iphone app and watch the latest video in full screen, you can just swipe up to see the next video. So, the next hour of my night was planned out.
That was an hour ago. I am so hyped about what I saw that I’ve decided to sit down and write out the my whole interpretation of what I saw. I don’t have answers for every single post but there does seem to be a theme that matches the theory that these are meant to watch in reverse.
Buckle up.
One last things before I get started. I think DFV has been here all along. I think he has read all of the DD and I think he made his memes with all of that in mind. I highly doubt he knows anything for sure but is just a fan of the DD. Just like I am. And there is one DD I fell in love with from the first moment I read it. I think he did too and this is his thesis. He has read all the tea leaves and doesn't think anyone has put it together like he has so he is sharing his interoperation of the DD, the market conditions, and the news and is going to do one last DD himself.
Ok. Here we go.
Oh, and this is not financial advice.
Ok. Here we go for real.
ET: This might actually be him saying goodbye for now. Hopefully not forever (still kinda sad we never got a ET 2).
Horse Gift: Not sure how to interpret this one. Maybe foreshadowing that he found (or was gifted) the GME bull thesis and at that point, he wasn’t sure if it was a good thing for a bad things. “We’ll see”
Coldplay Backwards: GME had to pull back for him to find the right time to get in.
Forest Running: And then it started running.
Original Sheet Music: Then he started meme. The memes were “MIRACULOUS”.
My favorite post – The White Stripes Glitch Mob video intro: Seriously, if you haven’t watched the video, go now. It’s hype af. This is the video that marks the Jan 2021 glitch. The sneeze.
MIB Kitty: And then GME became RK’s galaxy.
That’s not a Knife: He was the memelord at this point but shorties wanted his gains.
Westworld’s Bernard: Then the bear thesis’ started coming out but we can’t see what we are programed not to see. We were already programed at this point thanks to the bulleproof bull thesis.
Ocean’s Gang in Prison: And then we got thrown in a prison together when so many people bought at high prices.
Beavis and Butthead: We were obsessed with Cohen at this point. We hung on to every tweet. Sex for Dummies was a very popular one. Lot’s of theories popped up with this tweet.
A Few Good Men: DFV visits Congress!
Elaine Dancing: Is this him celebrating his gains and/or not getting thrown in prison?
Aladdin: They tried to take his gains away?
Truman > Mourinho’s In Big Trouble: He was gagged.
ASIP In Therapy: RK went to therapy and found he loved making memes and GME?
Newman: Talking about his experience as his new life as the United States GameStop memer and all the requests he was getting for memes.
Eddie Murphy: Chronicling his time as a memer
SNL The Shooting AKA Dear Sister: Not sure on this one.
Steve Wilkos: RK is ours and we are going to stick beside him
Succession: RK was reading so much about how he was the villain
Borne: More struggles with his identity as the GameStop memer and deciding what to do next.
CNBC > .50: Why does everyone hate RK?
The Dude: Not sure on this one.
Garden State: foreshadowing the jam that he’s about to get into this his next (older) posts
Every Everywhere All at Once: more foreshadowing.
Stand by Me: There’s a game of chicken going on. Shorts vs HODLers?
School of Rock: Reminding us what where here for. This journey isn’t going to be perfect but it’s Rock and Roll.
TeddyBears – Punk Rocker: He has both hands off the wheel now but he’s still along for the ride.
You Can’t Stop What’s Coming: Self-explanatory with likely last-minute cameo of the Chicago (where was Citadel founded?) BEARS thanks to the world’s most famous coke rat market manipulator.
Sicario 2: He’s asking us if we are ready to be the “villain” with him.
Flip Mode: If you really want to party with the Kitty, show him what you got (make some more memes people!!!)
The Shining: Our view of RK at work making his memes for the past 3 years.
500 days of Summer: Talking about why he does what he does. Because it’s going to last forever (more foreshadowing).
Luca: Him laughing at us not knowing everything. Just forget about it if you don’t understand, he has more for you.
Signs 1: This is where things get interesting. This is where we start seeing the signs. Connecting dots. We found something legit in all the DD.
Signs 2: The signs all pointed to GameStop. It’s all about GameStop and what they are going. Nothing else matters.
Signs 3: Are we the aliens? All of our best DD writers talking to each other were some of my favorite moments over the past 3 years. [There are theories about what these signs said and I will go back and fill that in later, I’m getting sleepy]
Signs 4: He is asking us if we believe the DD.
Signs 5: RK is one of us. Assuming we are the Aliens in these signs videos, he is telling us he is one of us.
The Modern Animal: We need to get a little crazy if we are going to take on the big city (NYC? Wall Street?)
Broad City: We made our own language. Memes. SuperStonk is a place for best friend with time to shoot.
GooseBumps: I THINK THIS IS WHERE WE ARE TODAY. RK is letting his briefcase of memes open and warning bears.
Everyone’s favorite Boss: Here some the SIGNS (memes for those who are not keeping up). He is going to his us ONE MORE TIME.
Pay Attention: NOW FUCKING PAY ATTENTION because he isn’t going to do this again.
Kill Bill: It’s time to fight and we are bad asses.
JigSaw + Kansas City Shuffle: Are you ready for the game? Because GameStop has you covered. Everything up to this point has been the inciting incident and catalyst of the Kansas City Shuffle. There is a very short scene where he says, “are you watching closely”? I saw a comments days ago that I can’t find and the very high level paraphrased version is that scene is from the Prestige and all of those hats were a result of him cloning himself. I think that represents the synthetics that plague our market. (I will find that comment that explains it better and go back to watch the movie myself and update this).
Shawshank: RK is telling us all it really takes is pressure and time to break out of their prison. While he was in prison, he went back to get his financial education. We also need an activist (investor, RC). There is a lot more nuance we can try to extrapolate form this one. I’ll save that for later.
Radiohead Karma Police: They have run the price down far enough. They have been leaking gas this whole time. It’s time for the match to be lit.
Neo: This is where Neo figures out how to work the matrix. The market is fake and everyone is mad. We all know it. When it comes to the market, we all took the red pill, and we see it for what it is.
Bullet Scene: Might need some help deciphering this one. I think it’s about how we (maybe not us but the general public) perceive the market. We see cause and effect but that’s now how it works. I think he is telling us that we don’t fully understand the market but our instincts are right and we just feel it. I think we as a community have that instinct.
Fury: Every boss is going to feel like the last one. They are going to pound us with misinformation, price manipulation, and anything else they can come up. But they are just taunting us to whoop some ass.
Trueman Show: They are going to hit us with everything they have but HOLD ON!
Me, Myself, & Irene: Them tanking the price is going to change how we feel and who we are.
Red Right Hand: Might need some help with this one too. The red hand man is stalking someone and the other person can’t do anything about it? Not sure who is who here.
Beat Saber: Might need some help with this too. Is he calling all freaks to show up because we are about to go to war?
Keith and Jake SNL: Everyone thinks Keith is crazy lol
Seinfeld: Calling out the memestock docs for being stupid. He had to some back and tell everyone to “Shut Up Bitch”
Shut Up Bitch: He delivers his best line to the people making him out to be a Vilian.
Coffee Mug Breaks: He is asking us to convince him to do it again.
Bane: RK is saying everything is going as planned.
Oceans (again): RK has been waiting for this time and it was all part of the plan.
Snoop: There was so much drama at GME. People had to be fired because they were someone dressed up as something else. Moles?
Spiderman: It’s time for Keith Gill to become Roaring Kitty again.
Pizza Slices: Guy on the left is a shorty. He is getting mad with how popular things got with the thesis and how many people bought.
Missy Elliot ft Luda: Giving us confidence that he has a worldwide audience and he is about to kill all the rumors.
In Love with RC: He is telling us that RC is the right guy. Don’t doubt him.
Guardians: Everyone already knows who is in charge. Stop fighting to be in charge.
CNBC again: Some of the misinformation actually said RK is in charge. He is not. He is busy drawing dicks (memes).
Oceans (again): I think he is saying that no one person is in charge. It took everyone to give GME all that money. Or maybe it AVOCADO-IN-MY-ANUS all along?
Breaking Bad: His side still hasn’t been told?
Fight Club: RK finally accepting he is DFV
Nice Guy: He is still a nice guy despite what people are saying.
Day and Night: I think he is talking about his struggles day and night over the last 3 years.
Dave: He could’ve ignored it all but he couldn’t stand it. He’s about to keep it real with us.
Star Wars: help me fill in the blank on this one.
Ozarks: help me fill in the blank on this one.
Grim Reaper: The hedgies are trying to figure out what is going on with GameStop. They are I a holding pattern and will be coming with more hitman when what happens in the rest of the tweets goes down.
*******This is where shit gets real********
The Prestige: Alright. Put your tinfoil hat on tight. Here is my interpretation of this one. The magician makes something disappear, but the audience wants to be fooled so we are not actually looking for the secret. So, when something disappears we don’t clap because it’s not as impressive. But as soon as it comes back, the fights is on**~. I think the NFT marketplace is going to come back~**. But I think it’s going to come back as something else. I think they built the blockchain infrastructure for something other than the NFT marketplace. That is when shit is going to go crazy. Don’t believe me, keep reading.
Brand New GME: They finally embrace what everyone has been calling them. They show up one day looking sexy as fuck and blow everyone’s minds.
Prisoner: And now the prisoner (GME’s true price) has true FFFRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM.
The fallout: The hedgies are going to beg us to sell our shares at 14 grand but the nature of us is pure CRAZY. We all knew who was calling on the phone.
Parking Lot Killer: That is who was calling. They are coming for the bears.
Requel: And just like that the requel begins production.
Old Computer Game: Now the question is, with this brand new, sexy af version of GME are we selling or are we staying? I think it’s going to be so fucking amazing we “>Stay”
Kittyman: When this all goes down, RK will return again.
How did they do it?: GME (or we?) seems stupid but apparently whoever it is really good at paperwork and the RK is so happy he’s doing backflips.
What do they need to do it?: They are going to need all of us and the target is up. HODL.
Kingsman: Shorties will then be locked in the room with us and they are going to come in fierce numbers.
The Town: They need our help we can’t ask questions but we have some sick ass rides to get there with.
Morning Affirmation Cat: Help me with this one. I’m tired.
Troy: Sick ass scene. GME just needs to land the killshot.
Pikey Reaction: They pulled the price back so far that it’s a loaded spring and when the shots are fired, it’s going to be raining money. Now “come hang so we go out with a bang”. Does he have your attention now?
Stop Fighting: NOW we can stop fighting.
Pirates of the Carrabin: The Pirate comes back from the dead (NFT Market Place?) and GME presses the red button to go into hyperdrive. This solidified my theory.
Tombstone: It’s not for revenge. It’s for something bigger. It’s a reckoning. Maybe a Glass Castle?
Standoff: Now that the red button was pressed, we have all the shorties in a stand off. But it doesn’t matter because the result of the red button is going to destroy it all? DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION NOW?
Avenger Initiative: We have to do it together. It’s not just one person.
Sherlok Holmes: When GME says run, RUN! And remember what it’s running for. You monther, father, children, sisters, and brothers. The DOG DAYS are over.
Drive: We think were all good here right? It’s all over. Guess again. We are going to have every governmental agency coming after us and our gains. We are going to be on the run.
Bloody Blade: Help me with this one.
But First: The overture. This will be how it starts. We must go backward to unlock the secret. Once we do, the dragon wakes up and it’s game on for the game of thrones. We are going to break the wheel.
Still Here: It’s done when we say it’s done. This tweet closes with the song from the whole days evil cept being blown up with green fire. Sick.
Thanos: This was the actual first tweet just like the ET was the actual last tweet. He has read all the tea leaves and doesn't think anyone has put it together like he has so he is sharing his interoperation of the DD, the market conditions, and the news and is going to do one last DD himself.
Hope you were sitting up in your red chair and paying attention.
Apologies for any typos and poor formatting. I've never made a post like this and I'm too tired to figure all of that out. I'll come back tomorrow and clean it all up with that and fill any gaps you guys help me out with.

me n my ex bsf are fairly young (14) so the app i went on is snapchat lol. how this whole thing started was that i called one of her close friends a pick me (she talked bad abt my friends and a LOT of other girls for no reason) so i told my ex bsf how i felt about her, since they were friends, how i didn't like her n allat. my ex bsf did not gaf. i will say i got mad, n ima be honest, i told her that she could tell the girl what i said abt her. since i obviously gave her permission, she told her. idk but after that i kinda knew that she wasn't the best friend for me, even though i gave her my permission because i expect different from my friends. i understand that if ur friend called ur other friend a pick me u would tell them, but like i said i have different expectations of my friends. (i got over that within a week tho, n i understood why she told her n i wasn't mad abt that anymore)
after that, me n her got into fights everyday, and atp she was js pissing me off so i didn't wnna be her friend any more cs i don't think u have a good connection with ur friend if u argue EVERY DAY for 2 weeks straight, so i told her that i've have enough of her, (she was the worst friend i could've ever had. she would literally hit me, leave bruises on me, laugh at me when she pushed me to the ground, ignore me for all her other friends n call me crazy for calling her out on it, she wouldn't make plans with me n she rejected me every time when i asked her to hang out) i told her "i can't deal with u" n she asked me what i meant, n i kinda lashed out n told her she was a bad friend, she didn't gaf abt me n that i didnt wna be her friend anymore. she said that we could take a break, n i agreed. even with a break, we would STILL fight every day. this happened for around a week, n then i made up my mind. i didn't want her to be in my life anymore cs she was genuinely making me sad everyday. i told her i didn't want to be her friend, n i will say i was rude abt it. after that, i left the situation alone n i only told 2 of my closest friends what happened. i predicted that she would tell everyone, n she would talk shit abt me. i went onto her snapchat account (i made it for her so we could communicate outside of skl when we were still friends) n i clicked on around 10 chats, and she all told them what happened, to make her sound good n like i was a monster, she talked bad abt me etc. i kinda expected that but when i went onto the chat with the girl i called a pick me, i found out that she told the girl everything about me, about my family problems, my personal problems, n a ss of ALL of our chats on snap and a bit on insta since we also fought there after i blocked her on snap. i also asked her not to show anyone our chats as i thought it was weird to. she didnt care n did it either way. the thing that pissed me off though, is that there was a screenshot of a paragraph i wrote for her saying how much i appreciated her (before she was rude to me n shi) n they both made fun of me for it. she also got like 20 other people involved, got my ex talking stage involved etc. obviosuly, i went onto her account without her knowing n she got mad at me for that. she said what i did was "crazy". this all happened the day after i said i didn't wnna be friends wit her) i told her i had suspicions of her doing shit, but she denied everything. i showed her the screensots then she js went quiet n didn't text me. i did apologise for going on her acc, but she still kept telling me that it wasnt ok i went on her account. AITA?

I am an anxious and have BPD. My bf has a secure with a hint of avoidant. I feel too clingy and too needy with him and I hate it !!!! Someone tell me how to turn cold and distant ??? Or just how to be a avoidant

This story is about a boy who have a trauma from his past ex-girlfriend. Their relationship did not last long but he always experience abuse from his ex like hitting him for no reason. They always argue because of her, always coming home from work drunk, gaslighting him for everything she's doing. It's a very toxic relationship. At first it's not like this but as soon as she lost interest, everything changed. One time, the boy caught her cheating, having an affair with her co-worker, but he just let it slide because the boy loved her ex-girlfriend so much, that even after what he see, he still love her. Good thing though his ex-girlfriend finally decided to break up with him day after that, and of course, the boy let him go. The boy still love her and it's hard for him to move on.
A few months later, he met this new girl on his work named Kayla. Kayla is a pretty girl with a good personality. The boy laid eye on her, can't take his eyes off her for the whole day. Just as he's about to leave his work, Kayla noticed him and approached the boy. "Hey what's your name?" Kayla asked. "My name is Carl" the boy replied. "Carl, that's a cute name, nice meeting you, my name is Karla by the way" said Karla "It's nice meeting you too Karla" said the boy. As they walk nonchalantly, Karla suddenly asked out of the blue, "So, are you doing fine? I heard that your girlfriend just broke up with you a few months ago" Carl replied, "How did you know?" Then Karla said "Well, me and Hannah were talking about you earlier, she told me that you have been going through a lot lately, so i wonder if I can do anything to help? I don't want to see my co-worker being upset" Carl answered, "Why do you even care? I'm just a nobody, my life means nothing.. I don't feel like i deserve to be loved.." Karla then replied "I know life is hard, and it's not true that your life means nothing, you are borned in this world for a reason. And you deserve to be loved, you're a handsome boy, smart and kind, you deserve to be love, you're not just a nobody, you're somebody." Carl then felt a spark in his heart after what Karla said to him. Carl felt something in his face, "am i crying?" He then covered his face, then Karla noticed, "Hey are you crying? Did i say something wrong? It's okay, you can cry, i'm sorry for making you cry" Carl then answered, "I'm fine, thank you Karla." Carl then hugged Karla.
For weeks Carl and Karla have been going out, talking, vibing and even dating. One night after work, Karla asked Carl, "hey so uhm.. I've been wanting to ask you recently" Carl replied "what is it?" "Will you be my boyfriend?" Karla asked, Carl then felt a hesitate after he heard the question, "Is that a no?" Karla asked "Yes, i can be your boyfriend" said Carl. Then Karla hugged him, "I love you Carl" Carl then replied, "I love you too Carla"
After a few days Carl is being anxious lately, Karla noticed and asked Carl, "Darling are you alright? You don't look good for the past few days, i'm getting worried." Carl then replied, "It's just that.." Karla asked "Just what darling? Please say it, i will listen i promise." Carl answered, "It's just that i'm afraid.." Karla replied, "Don't be afraid darling, i will protect you no matter what. If it's about the trauma you felt from your ex-girlfriend, i promise i won't do anything cruel to you, i love you darling, please don't be afraid." Carl then cried and Karla hugged him.
After a few months, their relationship is going pretty well. Carl and Karla love each other so much, they can't be separated no matter what happens, they're always together through thick and thin. But would their relationship last long?
One day after work, Karla is not feeling good. "Darling maybe you should get some rest, you don't look good. While you rest, how about i prepare some food how's that sound?" Said Carl. "Thank you darling, you're so sweet" Karla replied. Then suddenly while Karla is walking to her room, she fainted. "Darling are you alright?" Carl asked. Karla is not waking up, and Carl is worried. Carl picked her up and rushed to his car to get Karla to the Hospital. Luckily Karla made it. In the hospital, Carl asked the doctor if Karla is alright, the Doctor said, "Mr.Carl, i'm sorry to tell you this but.. She has cancer, Stage 3." Carl then suddenly got a heavy heart, shaking and couldn't even speak properly, the doctor then asked Carl to have some rest. Carl is angry and depressed about what he heard.
A month later... Karla is fighting her cancer, Carl supporting Karla by staying with her 24/7. Karla then whispered to Carl "Till death do us part .." Carl doesn't know that that will be her last word to him.. After a week, Karla didn't make it. She died of Cancer. Carl then felt sadness once again.
A day later after Karla's burial, Carl then rush home, tied a rope on the ceiling and said "Till death do us part" softly... And then he hung his self.
"Till death do us part" was their last word. The end.

I apologise if this is all a mess or hard to understand.
My best friend of 10 years Joey (25M) has been with his girlfriend Ellie (21F) for around 7 months now, they are engaged and getting married in a few months time. I’m his best man.
I’m struggling with this idea as I’m quickly learning she’s a little bit (I don’t like to call anyone this but) crazy and I’m not sure what to do.
I few red flags-
Obviously getting married so soon. He’s never talked about getting married before. I know she’s got to have put all these ideas into his head.
Ellie has sent messages to Joeys ex girlfriend Sarah (21F) telling her to kill herself and all this other horrible stuff. Shes even sent fake pregnancy scans to her just to mess with her. (I’m going to come back to this part later as a lot of stuff kicked off yesterday with this).
She’s never worked. Joey has now taken a credit card out and given it her. She’s borrowed a bit of money off his sister and spent it on clothes and mini breaks away. (His family are starting to see the crazy come out now too).
None of her family are coming to the wedding. They don’t even speak to her.
I’ve seen Joey twice this year since he’s been with her. She has a 3 year old kid and if he goes out she has to be with him which never happens because she can never get a babysitter.
Oh and they are trying for a baby..
It’s all a mess. I don’t see how he can’t see what’s going on. Anyway back to them messages she sent to Sarah and the stuff that kicked off yesterday. (I still speak to Sarah, although she can be a bit intense sometimes she’s never done anything wrong to me). Sarah has found out we are all in going to the same event next month at our local bar so she’s messaged one of our mutual friends freaking out a bit worried there’s going to be trouble. Sarah has now messaged Joeys mum asking politely if she could have a work with Joey and Ellie about leaving her alone because she doesn’t want trouble at this event. She’s told her about these messages and his mum is not happy. His mum has now messaged me asking if I know about them and I confirmed it all because I’m not going to start lying for people. We talked for a little bit and she has started to notice a lot of things off with Ellie too.
Now Ellie is denying sending all this stuff, even to me which is crazy because she has shown them to me and even bragged about sending them to a few people in our friend group. Sarah still has all the messages saved as well.
Now I’m in the middle of what feels like a family war. I can’t even speak to Joey because Ellie pretty much controls his phone and she can’t be apart from him.
Like what can I even do in this situation? I feel like I’ve caused more trouble by telling his mum about the messages and some other stuff about her.
I feel like ignoring everyone for a few weeks and hope it all blows over.

Ok where to begin.. I've been with my wife since 2021, she was already separated (but not dicorced) and had a 4 yo son and 2.5 yo daughter. She left her ex because it just wasn't working and around the time we got together she found messages and nudes he'd (at the time 28m) swapped with her friends baby sitter (16f). She reported it to the army MP's and it was all swept under the rug which is fucked up enough but he was kicked out of the army. Needless to say, not a great guy.
So my wife and I start dating, it takes time but the kids warm up to me, wife and I get married, and seeing I need to provide I join the USAF and go through the recruitment process in 2022, BD knows im joining and even being kicked out of the army knows there's a timer on when his ex and the kids move away when I get stationed somewhere.
He was only 45 min away from us at the time of me starting enlistment and by the time I finished basic and tech training which took 6 months (in total was about a year process) and he only came to see the kids about 6 or 7 times.
We got to our base in July 2023 and it wasn't until December 2023 that he even asked what our address was because he needed it for some paperwork. He never actually initiates calls or even text my wife to ask how the kids are, all contact he has with them is when my soon to be 5 SD ask to call him. He knows absolutely fuck all about what's going on in the kids lives, anything about their interest, he just doesn't care but yet every time he talks to them (which is on average once a month for about 20 min) he tells them how much he loves them etc. And how much he cares about them.
Back at new years he told the kids he'd come to us to visit (about a 10 hour drive which my wife and I have made twice to go back home for holidays since we left in July 2023) by the end of February. We'll surprise surprise he didn't show.
A couple days ago my SD asked to call him and asked if he'd be at her birthday party in 2 weeks, he said that "he'd try to be there but wasn't sure". Well my wife ans i got confirmation today from him that he was going to be here because, and I quote, "I haven't missed a birthday and I'll be dammed if I miss one now." WE asked what his exact travel plans were so we knew how to plan for his visit, and he actually hadn't made plans yet and is just saying he'll be here. Also, this whole "I'll be dammned if I miss a birthday" shit is just so infuriating because if my SD didn't ask, he wouldn't have even entertained the idea of coming out to us.
He makes about 80k/yr and we only ask for 1k/mo in child support for 2 kids despite the fact that it should be 25% of each pay check per our states laws, and he's complaining saying "well I'll be out there but I have to put everything on a credit card to make the trip because I'm saving to buy a house". We have 0 idea where all his money goes and we frankly don't care, but his financial literacy is crazy bad.
Now I have to figure out, if he does actually show up, how to handle this with the kids, make a list of ground rules for him being in my fucking house which I don't want to begin with but the kids want to see him, and making sure I don't fucking deck him when I hear him inevitably say "well they're my kids".
TLDR; BD is a piece of shit who does nothing but make empty promises to my kids just for me and my wife to clean up his mess and be the bad guys.

I, 27f, and my ex D.D., 27m, had been high-school sweethearts and moved in together after high school. He was the best thing that ever happened to me and we were happy for years. Then, in the last year of our relationship, he grew cold towards me and borderline abused me. After attempting to talk to him, he left me one week when i was extremely sick and I ended up in urgent care after my family came to get me. My ex was not there nor did he care so I left him. After some time, I kept him in my life as he was still a friend in my heart. I kept him at a distance, but still friends. I never got over him. It's 4.5 years later and he started talking to me more, telling me about work and complaining about his gf, C.S.. I had never met C.S. so I gave him advice. He then starts talking about how he misses me and dreams about me. This makes me feel nice but I kind of ignore it. He again complains about C.S., then goes into detail how much he misses me. Days go by with this. Then, he stops messaging as much one day. After a week, he talks about how he can't leave his gf and how he's not available. I understand but I told him he hurt me. He then goes on to insult me by saying I use him as therapy, that I haven't changed, how we could never be in a relationship, and thay his gf is amazing and he won't leave her. I was baffled since he was complaining about her, saying he thought she was only using him since she was self reliant. I asked if he told his gf what he did and he said she had access to all his texts. He then goes on to tell me I make him uncomfortable and how he's going to block me. I have been a sobbing mess ever since and feel like i lost a friend. I can barely eat, i cant sleep, and he haunts my dreams. I hate it. I have no idea what this is or why this happened. I feel heart broken and don't know what to do or what to make of this situation. What do I do?

https://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/sunday-life/news/too-little-too-late-nurse-not-allowed-in-roselawn-with-her-mums-coffin-rejects-michelle-oneills-apology-over-bobby-storey-funeral/a1027476041.html
A Lisburn nurse left standing at the gate as her mother’s coffin was taken into Roselawn Cemetery on the same day as Bobby Storey‘s funeral has said Michelle O’Neill’s apology “means nothing” to her.
Lynn Paul was speaking after the first minister followed other Sinn Fein ministers in saying sorry for attending the funeral of the former senior IRA man during the height of lockdown, when other families were prevented from saying a final goodbye to their relatives.
The hearse carrying her 78-year-old mother Evelyn McMullen made its way in through the gates of Roselawn at noon on June 30, 2020.
Evelyn McMullen passed away aged 78
An undertaker had told Ms Paul she would not be allowed to enter the grounds of the council-run crematorium because of Covid regulations.
Yet just before 4pm, a number of mourners gathered inside Roselawn for the cremation of Storey.
Before that, thousands had walked behind his coffin and lined the streets of west Belfast, including several Sinn Fein ministers.
Among them was Ms O’Neill, who apologised for her attendance at the funeral in front of the Covid Inquiry on Tuesday.
She said she was sorry “from the bottom of her heart” for the hurt her attendance caused to the families of people who had died from the virus, adding she ought to have realised the anger going to the funeral would have caused.
Ms Paul and her family have spent nearly four years coming to terms with what happened at her mother’s funeral.
She joined her husband Leonard and children Robert, Neil and Jonathan in the car behind the hearse carrying her mother’s body for the journey to Belfast.
“I wanted to follow her. I didn’t want to let her go,” Ms Paul said.
“We got to the crematorium and two fellas opened the gate to let the hearse in, then closed the gates and we couldn’t go in.”
Michelle O'Neill at the Covid Inquiry
She has already received an apology from Belfast City Council over how her mother’s funeral was handled, but that does not change the feelings of hurt she will always carry with her.
“Michelle O’Neill had a duty as a minister to lead by example and didn’t. In fact, she did the complete opposite,” said Ms Paul.
She also noted that the first minister had previously said she would never apologise for going to the funeral of a friend.
“I have never forgotten those words,” Ms Paul said.
“Michelle O’Neill is an educated woman who well knew that attending the funeral of Bobby Storey would cause outrage and hurt.
“She stated at the Covid Inquiry that she attended a funeral and walked in a cortege of 30 while abiding by social distancing rules, but footage exists of her shaking hands and sharing photos with various members of the public in not one but two cemeteries that she attended.
“(This happened) at the height of a worldwide pandemic that had us social distancing and unable to visit our families, one which saw thousands of families lose loved ones.”
Bobby Storey
Michelle O’Neill’s apology won’t be welcomed by all Devastating examination of Michelle O’Neill leaves her flapping – and shows her evidence was misleading Bobby Storey funeral ‘wrong’ and strengthened case of those wanting to break rules, says ex-PSNI chief
A week after the funeral, Belfast City Council indicated 30 people had attended Storey’s cremation, although others have put the figure higher, and republican stewards replaced some council staff.
“I worked on the front line as a nurse, doing the most difficult job while caring for my mother, who had cancer and was confined to her home for over three months before she passed away, with only myself and my brother with her,” Ms Paul said.
“She couldn’t see her grandchildren nor enjoy her last few months of life with family.
“When she died, we couldn’t bring her home to be mourned. We were told we couldn’t have a proper cremation, that her coffin couldn’t be carried to show respect for a woman who raised us to be decent people, and finally, to leave her at the gates of a council cemetery to make her final journey alone.
“(This was) a cemetery which accommodated a service attended by many well-known people not three hours later. Honestly, it all stinks to high hell.
“Michelle O’Neill’s hypocritical sorry means nothing to myself nor my family. She set the rules and then she bent the rules. I have no respect for her and it’s all too little, too late.
“I don’t accept (her apology) and I will never believe it. All it has done is opened old wounds and brought back terribly sad memories. It’s hard to deal with and it always will be.”

So this is going to be a VERY long story and I hope some of you can take time out of your day so I can get some perspective from other people as I feel some serious guilt after what happened the past 3 days.
To give some background, I was an employee at a grocery store and I became friends with a girl that I'm going to call Amy for the sake of privacy. Amy was cool and we got along great. She did mention that she had a boyfriend and it honestly didn't bother me at the time. I was just happy I made friends with a cool person at work. We would sit together in the break room and have a lot of conversations together and even add each other on sc and talk occasionally outside of work. She did kind of mention to me however that she doesn't have a lot of friends and she was trying to make an effort to be in a group of friends.
Well at the beginning of this year, she ended up quitting and I was pretty sad as she was one of the few friends I made at this job. We didn't speak again until 2 months after she quit. I have a friend group that I have known since I was in middle school and once or twice a month we get together to play video games, play board games, watch movies, etc. I decided to invite her to this friend gathering as I remembered her saying that she didn't have too many friends and I wanted to see her again. She ended up coming and it went amazing for her. She loved being around my friends, we were all laughing and having a great time. She loved all of my friends and we invited her to our discord server afterwards and she became an official member of our friend group. Afterward, I learned that the reason she quit the job was that she had a miscarriage and it destroyed her emotionally. She told me that inviting her to this friend's gathering sorta changed her life and helped her through that dark moment.
Everything seemed to be going smoothly until one day she asked to hang out with me one-on-one at my place. I agreed and she came over and we played video games and watched a few movies together. It ended up becoming super late and we decided to just sit on my couch and just chill and talk for a bit. The conversation ended up starting to get very personal/sexual and there seemed to be an awkward tension happening in that moment. She then tells me that she's actually “Poly” and is into open relationships. Hearing this, I realized that I sorta had feelings for this girl and I made a very risky move by asking her if she wanted to be together in an open relationship in a FWB way. She talked to her BF the very next day and he agreed to let her be with me in an open relationship and that's when it all started.
The first 2 months of our relationship went great. She was seeing me once a week and we were trying to make our relationship work. We started talking about our personal lives a lot more and it seemed like this relationship was going to work. All of the friend group knew about our relationship and she was still active in our discord server and everything seemed to be going well. The relationship started to get kind of serious and we both said that we loved each other. We started discussing having kids potentially in the future and trying to make this open relationship work somehow as it seemed like we both had serious feelings with each other despite her technically having a BF. I stopped viewing this as a FWB and believed that she was the girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
However, things started to go a little downhill in the third month of our relationship. I started to notice that she wasn't as talkative and enthusiastic about our relationship as she once was. She started to reply a lot slower to my texts and we started to get into fights. We ended up getting into a MASSIVE fight about a week ago. Long story short I tried to talk to her about our relationship and was kind of wondering why she was acting the way she was. She EXPLODED on me and started yelling at me and saying I was being so annoying by asking her constantly about our relationship. I tried to be as calm as possible as I didn't understand why she was acting this way. I said something along the lines of “If we are a couple I feel like we should talk this out as I care about you” She then said something along the lines of “we aren't a couple, we are just a FWB”. I was heartbroken when she said this after she told me that she loved me and wanted to have a family with me. It was way too overwhelming for me to handle so I decided a few days after the fight that I would break it off with her.
I sent her a text that said that we should stop being in a relationship and just remain friends. Initially, she agreed but I kind of realized as I kept snapping her and texting her I felt heartbroken and I didn't wanna talk to this girl anymore. So I ended up texting her that I don't think we should see each other anymore as it's way too painful for me. I implied that I don't want her around the friend group anymore as it's going to make me feel terrible and fuck with me mentally. She then insisted that she should stay because she was technically part of the group now and that this relationship should have nothing to do with the friends she made. I then later talked to my friend group and they all agreed that she should be exiled and that my mental health is much more important. We ended up banning her from the Discord server and cutting all contact with her.
Well, I feel horrible now. I understand I was heartbroken and still am but I feel like it was a mistake to kick her out when she told me how much of an impact this friend group had on her, especially through her miscarriage. My friend group is all on my side and thinks I did the right thing by kicking her out of the group but I want to hear other people's perspectives. and their advice

First of all, thanks to everyone who takes their time to read all of this, it means the world to me!
I (m30) met my GF (f30) a year ago on an online dating platform and we are now in a happy relationship since 10 months. She is all I could have ever dreamed of and is the love of my life. I am planning my proposal right now but there is something I just have to get rid of, my RJ. I had massive mental health issues in the past (severe depression) and suffered low self-worth.
My first 2 relationships shared the same „problem“. I had my first girlfriend at the age of 20. At the beginning of our relationship we talked about our sexual pasts. I was a virgin back then and she told me a number of people she slept with. Over the next months, due to conversations on parties, it became clear that the number she told me was a lie and the real number was much higher. I even found out, that she slept with a friend of mine, 3 weeks before we started dating. I started to develop trust issues and did something I am not proud about, looking through her phone. I found out the feeling that she is lying to me was right all along, she had slept with many more guys than she told me about and was even cheating on me, which is why we broke up.
My second girlfriend was the second woman I had slept with. Same problem as before (apart from the cheating stuff). We talked about our past experiences and, as time went by, it became clear that she also lied about her past experiences and has had many more guys, than she told me. Apart from that she was very abusive, attacked me both verbally and physically and drove me into mentioned depression over a course of 7 years. I broke up with her 2 years ago.
At this point it is important to state that both of my exes started the conversations about past experiences. It is nothing I check out when I start to date someone.
I now was 29, had encountered RJ in 2 relationships and thought it was due to my lack of sexual experiences myself. To prevent it from happening again I started dating and gained experience myself, until I met the love of my life 12 months ago.
Our relationship is perfect, aside from my RJ. When we started dating we showed us pictures of each others and I noticed a picture of her with a musician. I asked her, if they had hooked up and she told me no. She also told me that she never had a ons or any „casual“ sex experiences and doesn‘t like such stuff.
2 months into the relationship I stumbled upon her reddit profile (I didn‘t take her phone at this point). I was curious and read the things she had posted and comments she wrote, since it is all online and public. Then I saw the comment, which led to the situation I am in today. She had commented a post that she did have sex with the said musician. The moment I‘ve read this my heart sunk into my stomach and I was instantly reminded of my 2 previous relationships. So I did a mistake again. I took her phone while she was sleeping and looked for pictures, read chats etc. I found out that she also was lying about past experiences. She did had ons and casual sex and also lied about another guy she had told me she had dated, but didn‘t have sex with. In fact, they did have sex, several times. I confronted her about the musician and told her I looked through her phone. She was shocked and disappointed that I checked her phone (and I totally understand that, it isn‘t the right thing to do) but my gut feeling told me something was off and my feeling was right. She admitted that she had sex with the musician, but also didn‘t tell me the whole truth. She lied about the way that ons started out, but I didn‘t tell her that I know the truth. It shook my trust in her. Not my general trust, but the trust about everything she told me about her past. To this day she doesn‘t know that I‘ve read a lot more than just the chat with the musician, because back then I told her that I only read this chat (it was wrong for me to lie to her and I was no better than her, I know!).
Now to the real problem. This triggered something big in me, like a trauma or something. It has been 8 months since I‘ve searched her phone and not a single day has passed at which I haven‘t thought about this musician. I think about it a few times a day and sometimes I even imagine how they had sex when I am having sex with her. It is driving me crazy and I am slowly going insane because of it. Sometimes we randomly talk about things from our past and I catch her lying to me since I know better because I searched her phone. I don‘t tell her that I know better in these situations. I know she ist just lying because of 2 reasons:

1. she does not want to destroy my picture of her and fears that I might view her differently.
   
2. she wants to safe me from getting jealous/sad
   

What is in the past ist in the past, she didn’t know me back then so she did nothinh wrong back then. She could tell me the craziest sex stories and I would just love her the way she is, the most beautiful soul I‘ve ever met. But knowing that she is lying all the time about these things is slowly killing me from the inside. I can‘t get these things out of my head and I‘ve already told her about my past and how important the truth is for me because of that. She still decided to lie to me when I confronted her about the ons with the musician. I can‘t get over it because I know I‘m still getting lied to concerning this particular topic and my brain tries to figure out what the truth is all the time. I made the experiences that if my gf talks openly about a past story the puzzle in my head gets completed and I can stop thinking about it. I already started to search for a therapist (I will DEFINITELY start therapy again) but I feel like I need to confront her one more time to find peace and get her to lay down the lies and start being honest about her past.
She had an abusive ex, too. It is a very sensitive topic for her to search the phone because her ex did it all the time. He controlled who she is allowed to speak to and locked her up in the flat to make sure she can‘t have any interactions with another male. This is why I am afraid to confront her because I don‘t want to trigger her but we both fucked up (me looking through her phone / she constant lies about her past).
What should I do? Should I confront her? I tried to eat it up but 8 months have passed and it didn‘t get better, I feel like I need closure.

I (M42) and my spouse (F40)
I just had the shock of my life, and possibly the most dramatic upheaval imaginable. I'm scared, concerned and i wonder if anyone else has a similar experience. This is concerning my soon to be ex-wife. Not an easy read or even to type, but strap yourselves in. We were married for 13 years, had known each other for 23. She was a child that grew up in a war in her home country, and was effected by it more than she let on. During the last 4 years of our relationship, she started developing incredible anxiety and depression. She would become like an exposed nerve, and every perceived slight became something she would ruminate on for days at a time. We had some events in our marriage that were incredibly stressful. Our son was born prematurely, our daughter when she was born was also traumatic. She was always highly strung when i knew her. i was very much the calming influence to her and it was a role that developed in our dynamic. i would be her rock and safe place. Things started to change, and dramatically so. I travel with work and she would look after the kids. i would be home large parts of the year, but i would have to go away sometimes for 4 weeks at a time. When covid hit, we were both home for a better part of 18 months, and i started to notice things that concerned me. She began to become incredibly paranoid about neighbours. She was certain they were spyi ng on us somehow (even though they were 80, and not at all interested in us). This spiraled from the neighbours commenting on the length of our grass. It effected her, and she became fixated. Any new neighbours she instantly distrusted, and she believed they all spoke badly of her.none of it was true, but in her state of hypervigilance, she was misinterpreting signs. A strange look, or half glance was enough to make her feel unsafe and scared. This slowly devolved into her being fearful of being spied on in the shower, people who walked dogs the same time each morning past our house were doing it to spy on us, etc. I could see it was draining her, and making her very ill with stress so we discussed maybe going to therapy, which she did. During the years we were together, she had been on various anti-depressants to cope with depression. I always chalked it down to post natal depression and the stress being a mother brought to her, especially when i went away. She attended therapy, but would stop when it became uncomfortable. She then opened up to me one day regarding it. It turns out that she was molested as a child by a family friend, and had buried it. that coupled with seeing her childhood friend die from an explosion (which i knew about) had effected her more than we knew. The therapy seemed to make it worse, and since that point things took a massive nose dive. She was an incredibly bubbly, happy and cheerful person to everyone. or so i thought. She would sometimes drop the mask at home, and i could see the turmoil developing. I hate to admit it, but i was blind to it for many years. she had masked it from the very beginning. Her paranoia got worse and worse. she came off of her antidepressants and started using weed vape pens to be able to cope with the incredible anxiety. I watched her drift apart from me over the last two years, her kindness towards me vanishing and almost a resentment towards me. She would complain about the new house we had bought and that she hated it because of the neighbours. We discussed moving, but she realised in her more lucid times that the issue would follow her whereever she went. The last year together she would speak about moving to another country. I said i would, but after my parents, who are old, passed. i didn't want them to not see our children in their final years. We had grown apart, she had this strange push-pull dynamic with me. One day she'd love me and be this caring person, the next cold and distant. I tried incredibly hard to pull us back together whilst dealing with her delusions of paranoia that were still ongoing, but the more i tried (and at some points i was quite combative and forceful) to get her to communicate, the more she pulled away. There was hardly any intimacy, which i yearned for and would comment on. She would initiate it sometimes, but for me, i'm ashamed to say, i complained about it a lot. She would have sex with me on occasion, and then if we argued later say "i didn't really want sex, it was like rape". This hurt me to my core, and made me bitter about how we were. The arguments became worse and worse. She started resenting me for trapping her. That was her reality. i had trapped her in the relationship. It wasn't true, but she was upset i travelled with work and could escape when she couldn't. It was never escape for me, i travelled because i had to. Her and the kids were all i wanted to be with. Travel to me was a chore.
Slowly she withdrew more. The more i tried to help and talk, the more she withdrew. All the time she was still paranoid, and now believed the neighbours were spying on her with cameras in the garden. the "cameras" were garden lights.
After three years of constant paranoia and her anxiety, it was starting to effect me. We couldn't go out in the area as she hated the neighbours. Yet to their faces she was bubbly and happy, smiley and almost overly kind. Yet when we were alone, the mask would slip and all her thoughts about them would spill out. Our social life started to be affected,
Anything i said was misunderstood or taken in such a way that i was insulting her. If i said she was silly for thinking in a certain way, i was calling her stupid. Anytime i tried to logic something out with her regarding the neighbours (for example she believed they were watching her shower) it was dismissed. I actually showered and told her to ask if she could see me from the garden. She was confused when she saw she couldn't.
The delusions became worse, and she became more and more paranoid. The textured glass in the bathroom was the wrong way around in her eyes, so people could see in. The motion activated light at the bottom of the garden was a camera, for sure. things like this.She withdrew more and more. I had to go away on a work trip, and the day before i left she asked for a divorce. I was hurt, but said "we can talk about it when i get home" when i arrived at the destination i was working across the world, i messaged her. No response. I tried multiple times until eventually i got a text "The kids will be taken away from me, and i will be sent back to my home country" I rang my father who lived very close to us to find out what was happening.
She had asked him to take her to the police station. She said to report the neighbours for spying, which she did try to do. they obviously didn't listen. She was taken to hospital by my father as she was having a mental breakdown and behaving strangely. I told my boss i had to fly home as something was happening. he booked me the earliest flight and i flew back. I was arrested from the plane. She had accused me of Rape, Control and coercion and ABH. Things i would never do. I was arrested, questioned and told not to go back to my home or to contact her. In one day i lost everything. I was in shock and was an emotional wreck. Worst of all i was concerned and scared for my wife and kids. She blamed me for her emotional state. said i had caused everything and had abused her constantly for years. After a week of staying at my friends house, social services got involved as the kids were missing school. It turns out she was taking the kids to hotels because she was terrified of staying at home. The kids told me later that "mummy thinks men are after her" instead of telling any authorities this, she said it was because she was scared of me. Social services believed everything she said. I was under investigation for the allegations, although not charged. The investigations were ongoing for three months, and in that time i wasn't allowed to contact her at all. Unfortunately in my fear i contacted her repeatedly. She had me arrested for harassment, and i was charged and convicted. I wasn't ever abusive in the texts, but i did contact her a lot.
I secured access to my children through a rushed family court order. I also placed a block on her leaving the country without seeking my permission with the children, as she had taken my passport details to apply for the kids passports without my knowledge. I did this due to her erratic behaviour and i knew she wasn't stable. My father thought i'd over-reacted, but my ex was so good at masking she hid how she really felt even to him. Oscar level masking.
Looking back i realise how bad it was. She ran from her home country at 18 and always ran. she always wanted to move jobs if something went wrong. She would cut off long term friends in an instant if she felt any pressure form them. Her first instinct would always be to flee anything. Any littlle insignificant thing or slight would become something she'd chew over for weeks, often applying the worst case scenario that would then become her reality. The truth was she was constantly afraid. I think at the end i became something she was afraid of too. My determination to keep us together and keep her from falling apart became too much for her. I wasn't always kind and was exasperated a lot. I was too demanding on someone that was exhausted, anxious and clearly unwell. Unfortunately i didn't realise this until too late. I still see the children, but have zero contact with her. She filed a restraining order due to the harassment conviction which i will adhere to. I'm currently going through family court again to secure further rights. She applied for full custody and has said some very terrible untruthful things at court to almost destroy me and remove me from her life. I'm a broken man because of it all, but staying strong for the kids.
I hope there will be some sort of resolution in the future, but i realise that she's scared of me now as she is scared of everything. She told me near the end that she trusts nobody. This broke my heart. The court on the last visit realised that something wasn't right. they have ordered a investigation into our family, and it will hopefully be reported in June when we go back to court. Her medical documents have been re-visited and statements taken. My father witnessed some very strange behaviour and has reported it. We just have to see what happens. She has requested to sell the property we lived in, and i'm slowly watching the life we built implode. She also has asked for the order that stipulates the need for permission to leave the country lifted. June will be the crunch time.

Accidentally FaceTimed my ex I was leaning out of the car to tap my phone to pay so I could get out of the car park, put my phone back in my lap wait for the gate to open then i look down and its literally FaceTiming her I don’t know how it even happened I don’t have her number saved anymore (her number is in my FaceTime history though), I messaged her to tell her it was genuinely an accident because it was and I got no response so now she probably thinks I’m desperate or trying to use that as an excuse to talk to her and I wouldn’t even blame her for thinking I’m lying as it’s happened twice now since we broke up and both times were genuine freak accidents, but it’s the honest truth, just really bad luck I suppose, I have no desire to be with her again as no contact has helped me a lot to get over her, it’s just annoying that she probably thinks I’m still not over her.

I’m a 15yr female Freshmen and have a crush on a guy even though I have a boyfriend. I know it sounds wrong, because it is, but I’ll explain further. Over this past year I have started developing feelings for a guy in my 6th period World cultures class. I’m just gonna use his initial, F. F is 15 turning 16 this summer and is the class clown. He’s so cute and in the beginning of the school year we would make eye contact a lot. He has messy blonde hair, which he’s always fixing in class, and two pretty blue eyes I love to get lost in. He’s so funny and though I was going to switch from World cultures in my 2nd quarter I chose not to just because of F being in there. In December I got his snap from my friend A and started trying to befriend him. I admired him a lot cause I was supper shy and seeing him just be himself was fun and wanted me to try and loosen up more. I swear he would walk into class and the room would brighten up. Whenever he gets embarrassed he hides his face in his hoodie and keeps that stupid ADORABLE smile on his face! In February I Gifted him a valentine to show my appreciation for him being such a nice guy and he was sweet about it. But then apparently this girl named Kate who he was talking(?) to at the time found out. And she hated me after. I didn’t know of this yet but her friends would sit by my locker eat day and when I went to go get my stuff from it they would make fun of me. I felt so upset cause I really have a hard time with my insecurities and Since I’m sensitive and would cry often because of it. I eventually just decided to just carry around the extra pound of stuff in my bag every day so I wouldn’t pass them. Then out of the blue F had blocked me. I felt so hurt and upset because he was the first friend I ever made by myself and I really valued him as a person in my life. I spent the week in tears and it didn’t make it better that he would then stare at me in class, almost like he was waiting to see how I would react to it. A week later I contact him on titkok and tell him that I was sorry if I made him uncomfortable and that I could switch classes if nessasary(due to my 504 i would’ve been granted permission to do so) He replied that I did nothing wrong and it was just he started talking to someone and they had him block me. I wished him luck on a concert he had coming up and then left him completely alone for days because I just couldn’t face him. I didn’t know what I had done to his girl but I felt so guilty I would get sick, I have a pretty weak stomach, I would throw up in the bathroom and cry a lot throughout the weeks. What made it worse is that my friend Z had at the time recently passed away, and since F was one of my favourite ppl to talk to that I trusted I was even more upset that I couldn’t talk to him. Then two weeks later as I’m finally trying to get over it Mr F unblocks me, throughout that whole week his friends had been snapping me stuff about how Felix was upset and wanted to unblock me but was afraid to(which I don’t understand it’s not like I bite). When he did it was a Thursday and he had a school concert I watched. He was on electric guitar. It was firefly’s by owl city, aka one of my fav songs. I loved watching him play, I was happy as a puppy😁 but then when I went to the bathroom to check my hair, my ex friend Madi came in. She asked if I liked him and I just got flustered. She then said he had said he liked her so it didn’t matter and she might say yes to him. I was confused because I had JUST been blocked because of his last talking stage! So how would he have also recently confessed to Madi? I go in 6th period and walk right up to him, I was a bit nervous cause I had to look up higher to meet his gaze. I asked if he had recently told Madi he had a crush on her in the past 2-3 weeks and he looks me in the eye and says no. I said “alr thanks“ and went back to talk to my friend. Either him or mad was lying, and I assumed madi but then oohhhhh then after school he admitted to confessing to her. It's 3:00am(quiet literally) and I'm at 10 percent, this is part one but I'll complete the rest tomorrow

I'm (23F) and my ex (24M) had been friends for 4 years before we got into a relationship, his family knows our relationship while my family doesn't know about it since my parents are strict he still agree to our relationship, I only told my close cousin about him, he was kind and gentleman when we were friends. Due to a lack of communication, we both don't want to confess or talk about our problems in our relationship which is not a good thing we only talk about it after our cool off, he is the one who always wants a breakup and also the one reached out first to fix our relationship. In 3 years of our relationship we have always been on and off.
In those 3 years, I realized a lot about how our relationship became toxic i noticed how he negged me like he would always send me TikTok videos of beautiful girls and tell me that "I should go on a diet so I would look prettier like those girls" I was shocked about that my height is (4'11) and my weight is (48) I know that I'm chubby and I have a chubby face which is the most I'm insecurities about. My looks are just average I know I'm not that beautiful compared to other girls but it hurts me the most since he had become my friend for years even though he has been my boyfriend for years. I didn't go on diet like he said, I also found out almost 3 years later that after a few months of starting our relationship he chat his crush "I love you" She is an influencer so there is a chance that they could be together I started questioning why would he want me when he loves other girl and he didn't even tell me that even though we promise to be honest when it comes to, so I broke up with him this time since I felt I don't know him anymore and due to my mental health there were times that I didn't want to talk to anyone for a few days, weeks, became months even to my family I don't talk about them about my own problems. My friends told me that I should comeback to him, since he is good to me( I didn't tell anyone what he did or the reason why we broke up).
Almost a year when he reached out to me again to have closure and fulfill our plan when we were in a relationship and that was going on dates and having a deep talk. I'm not planning to be with him again I just give it a try talking about our relationship I think it's a good thing to create memories that we always want so I could tell myself that I tried my best to work out our relationship even though it wouldn't last. However, shouting at me in public was the last straw to cut ties with him I would always remember that time like it was yesterday I didn't do anything or give him a reason to shout at me like that we were just talking after that accident, I just got along with him and that was the time I felt uncomfortable and unsafed around him(it's giving me social anxiety). When I went home that night, I waited until he was not online on his social media I messaged him that I didn't want him to text me anymore and not to expect anything from me also that this was the last time he would hear from me and it's better for the both us to part our ways and moved on.
He texted me the next morning but I didn't seen or reply to his messages after a few months he texted me again but I ignored it. I also made another account without adding him even as a friend. After a year of our breakup, he still stalking with my social media and reached out to me so I pretended to be in love with someone else on my social media (that person don't exist either)since I told him that he would be my 1st and last boyfriend.
AITA for ignoring my Ex bf

hey! just venting haha.. but i saw my bf this week and hung out in the park. everything was going well until i just suddenly went non-verbal. i was already having a terrible week at home and at school, also really wasn’t feeling my best due to that. but i didn’t tell him any of that. i know i shouldn’t have acted like that though. my bf kept on asking what was wrong and i just unintentionally kept on giving him short responses. he told me that he felt like he was talking to a wall and he didn’t really know if i wanted to see him that day due to the way i was acting. he said that how i was acting kinda turned him off and he was overthinking that if i get too comfortable in our relationship is that that’s how i’ll always be like. i’ll admit that what he said hurt me a bit.
he talked to me about it the day after and said that he didn’t appreciate how i was. i told him that i was just having a bad week and was feeling a bit down, it had nothing personal to do with him. i did my best to explain it very well to my bf cause he gets anxious and sensitive when i become silent/distant/cold (which only happened this one time) as he overthinks i’m second-guessing certain things so i just wanted ro reassure him.
it then went to the topic on how i should just properly communicate with him. he loves communicating and is really good at it. i kinda envy that ability of his. but he’s noticed that i’m a closed off person and he doesn’t like that “i’m not honest with him”. i don’t think that’s entirely true. but still, i grew up avoidant and my bf is the first guy to ever encourage me to actively communicate and reinforces that i shouldn’t be afraid to do that.
i honestly don’t know where my post is going. i guess i’m just looking for any advice on how to properly communicate with my bf as someone who is avoidant and closed off. i’m willing to do anything and change this aspect of myself cause i don’t want to lose him and also cause i know that communication is something i’d have to eventually learn.
has anyone been through this? any response is appreciated :)

Hello, I recently moved to a whole new place where I don't know anybody but have managed to make a few friends that I connect well with and attend the same community club together.
This place is the straight up countryside so there aren't that many people in general in the same age range as me (26 M), but I happened to meet a girl that I felt like I connected particularly well with. we haven't gone on any dates or anything but the few times we have been alone together I have a lot of fun and can be open with her. Her friend told me that she has a long distance boyfriend, but the friend and the girl herself has told me that he's not that great a guy and that she is having issues with him such as him badmouthing things she likes, the girl herself, and is overall just an immature guy when it comes to relationships (they've been dating for around 1-2 months now at this point.
The girl has told me that when he came to visit and stay at her place, she told the guy she wanted to break up with him, that he started to cry and beg for her not to leave and that he'll change and what not, and because shes just a nice person overall and felt bad, they decided to keep the relationship going but has told me herself that if feelings don't come back to her that she's going to break up with him.
When we are together, its very fun and it feels like she often flirts with me and laughs at my jokes even when they aren't funny. She comes close to me to look at my phone (like faces inches apart), puts her hand on my thigh when we talk, and very casual flirty skinship like that. But my problem is that she's still with her boyfriend and cheating is out of the question for me and something I promised I'd never do or make anyone do after my last relationship where my ex cheated on me. I'm planning to tell her how I feel, but in a way that doesn't put pressure on her and force her into a kind of decision where she has to choose between me and the other guy. I'm going to make it clear that if she wants me to give up any romantic feelings that I will and we can continue to just be friends that hang out together in groups, but if she wants me to wait for her to break things off with her bf, i will wait.
I want to think that I've already decided to do this, but I also wanted to anonymously post about my situation and hear what others have to say about this particular situation or any others that have been in similar situations.

TLdr at the end of post
I foundout that my bf of 5 months was on tinder after we fought and weren't talking for like 2 days a few weeks ago. He was on there because I made him feel neglected after an arguement we had. He didn't cheat, but it definitely messed with my trust. Now while he's away or asleep, I want to look through his phone to look through messages or see if he's talking to other guys due to tinder. This is the second time I've done this.
Well... he's still in contact with his ex... He was really attached to his ex and he wouldn't talk about him (because he was really hurt by him) until I found out about tinder. Anyways, I'm not comfortable with this. I don't want him to be in contact with his ex, especially given how he talked about him. He said he was very very very very deeply in love with him and was devastated when they broke up, and he was hesitant about dating me because he didn't want to get hurt again. He also has all his photos saved of them still..
I don't feel secure with him talking to his ex.. like it makes me feel he's not able to let him go. I don't want to be controlling and be like cut him off, but also, I don't want to accept this.
Also, I kinda feel sick for going through his phone. I don't want to be in a relationship where I feel I have to constantly check his phone to feel secure and trust that he's being faithful...
I'm not sure what to do, I mean definitely have a conversation with him about it but I'm not sure what to say..
Please any advice is appreciated 🙏
TLDR: Bf was on tinder, also still in contact with ex. I went through his phone twice since then, and I don't want to be in a relationship where I must snoop in order to feel secure. What do I do?

I am a 20-year-old guy. I was in a long-distance relationship that got very toxic, and we broke up in April. My girlfriend (19) was preparing for her exams, and I was also looking for jobs. I got a good internship at a good company, but she was still struggling with her preparation. I always helped her with her math. We were having so many fights; she always brought up breaking up and blamed me for everything in our relationship.
Just as I was about to start my new internship and move to a new city, we got into another fight because I wanted to talk to her, but she didn't and just went to sleep, ignoring me. After that fight, I tried to fix things, but she kept saying we couldn't stay together and that we were not compatible. Similar things had happened in the past, where we had a break just before I started my previous internship, and I cried for 10 days straight, telling her I was sorry. In the end, she said, "I love you, let's give us another chance." Due to that experience, I didn't want to repeat the same for this opportunity too. I said, "Fine, let's break up," because I was so devastated and had tried everything to fix our relationship. At that moment, I felt like I couldn't do anything alone. She was also worried about her exams, and I didn't want her preparation to be affected by me, so I said let's take a break.
As days passed, I avoided contacting her. Then a situation arose on my end: my university was having problems with me switching my internship, and they said they were going to detain me for the semester. It got very serious, so I had to work from home and travel quickly to my university. I told her about this, but she was very cold and showed no reaction. I thought she would say something different, but she didn't. I booked a flight immediately and traveled that night. On my way after the flight, my phone got stolen in the metro. At my university, the situation was also not good. Despite all this, I thought she would call me and speak with me, but she didn't. I didn't want to disturb her because her exam was in two days. I waited, thinking I would talk to her after her exam.
My university was pressuring me so much that I couldn't do my work. I didn't have a phone, and my university was not listening to me. There was no solution at that time, and I was feeling very down. The day of her exam came, and I texted her to ask how it went. She said, "Not so good." I told her it was okay and not to worry, that she tried her best, and I motivated her. She thanked me, and then I asked if we could talk. She said no because she wasn't in a good mood, and I wasn't either. I insisted that we should talk to avoid things getting worse between us, but she refused. We had a call where she wasn't paying attention to me. When I told her I wasn't fine and needed to talk, she said nothing. My phone's battery drained very fast, so I texted her how much I wanted to talk to her and how much I needed her, but she didn't reciprocate.
I eventually gave up and texted her some harsh things to get a reaction out of her, and she finally started replying, which was kind of funny. I apologized immediately and continued to apologize the next day and the day after that. I suggested taking a break and then getting back together, but she said no to every possibility. I concluded that it was over.
I felt like, what's the point of this relationship if she can't help me in such a situation? I was there for her, but she was not there for me.
I waited a week, hoping she would message me, but she didn't. Then I thought I should visit her next month after getting my salary. I was very anxious at that time. I tried to speak to her, but she again said no. After that, I was very confused. A friend of mine told me, "Bro, do whatever gives you peace." At that moment, I realized that even if I visited her, things wouldn't change because I was ready, but she was not. I realized I had been dumped, and I had anxiety attacks and other issues. I also had to perform at my job, and everything was very messy. She blocked me during all this time.
After two weeks, I realized I should move on. I started talking to a girl I met on a dating app. We had night-long calls, and she seemed cool. She was into art, and I felt like I wanted to learn art to express myself. I thought of dating her to see where things would go. For our first date, she invited me to her place, which was weird, but I didn't think much of it because if something bad happened to me, I would be fine with that (I was suicidal). We watched a movie, and before I left, she moved close to me, and we kissed. After that, I asked more about her past relationships, which were not that great.
I suddenly realized what a mistake I made because I knew I wasn't going to stay with her long. On our second date, I conveyed this to her, and she said it was fine. She also didn't want any attachments and just wanted to go with the flow. We made out again (no intercourse). After the second date, my guilt got to me, and I told her I couldn't be physical with her if we weren't going to be together because I didn't want that. She said, "Chill, it's okay, we're both having fun," but I stopped talking to her. However, the guilt of moving on too quickly and the realization that I wasn't going to be with my ex ever hit me hard.
I felt like I had lost all my chances. My ex was the love of my life, and now I realize she just needed time to work on herself. If I had been patient, everything might have been fine. After a few days, I had a call with my ex, breaking the no-contact rule, and it turned into an argument. The next day, she called me, apologizing for her mistakes. After that call, I started having feelings for her again. I got desperate and forgot all the bad things that had happened in the past. But I didn't have the courage to tell her what I had done in the meantime. I told her I was very confused and wanted her back, even though I hated her a few days ago.
I was getting very messy. She told me we couldn't be together, that she didn't want to give me hope, and that we should work on ourselves and see what happens. I agreed. We both had an unspoken plan to meet after 3-4 months once she got into college. But the guilt of making out with another girl got to me, along with the hope of getting back with my ex and the thought that she might not change.
I wanted to kill that hope. At first, I thought I would confess to her when we met, but I didn't want to be stuck on that thought for months. One day, she messaged me, and I told her everything. She hung up the call and blocked me. The next day, I called her from my friend's phone and apologized. I said I was very confused about what I wanted and that I didn't know what I was doing. I asked her not to think of me as a bad person and to forgive me. She said I should have waited and that I am the kind of person who moves on easily. She hung up the call again. And here I am.
TLDR: Am I the asshole for moving on from my girlfriend who wanted me to move on from her? She said lots of heartbreaking things to me at the end, and I gave up and moved on too quickly, which I regret now.

My dads an ex alcoholic who’s had the roughest life I’ve ever heard. Every single kind of abuse, physical, mental, sexual, emotional, verbal, substance abuses, the whole deal. He’s diagnosed with depression, BPD, and probably some other stuff too. Also an army vet and thrice divorced, low income single dad. Kind of like Jude from a little life I mean just bad luck on top of bad luck. Well he was drinking a lot today since his girlfriend was over and we were all talking. Eventually the conversation developed into me asking why fraternities are so secretive (he’s a freemason) I was trying to have a deeper conversation about why secrecy is equated to sacredness and how if you have knowledge that benefits people, what are the downsides to sharing it with them, well I came off as very combative and argumentative to him since he saw it as me wanting just an answer rather than a discussion so he got mad. He blew up and threw stuff (not at me), punched a hole in the wall, and yelled about how I was dishonoring him and no one appreciates him. Eventually I just ran into my room because he said he was close to having a heart attack because of medical stuff and said I wouldn’t have even cared. He’s the best dad and I care about him more than I care about myself so that hurt. A few minutes later he came into my room and hugged me and just broke down sobbing and saying I’m all he has left and how he’s really trying and that I’m mean and I shouldn’t be mean and just a lot of really deep stuff. He was talking like a little kid and just sobbing I kept trying to tell him I loved him but he’d go “then why are you so mean to me.” It fucking hurts to see your dad, the strongest and best person you know completely break down like that. I genuinely would die if he went away and I wanted to scream how much I cared about him. His girlfriend saw the entire thing and I feel for her too because she’s a lot younger than he is with a lot less life experience so this is new to her (they’ve only been together like 5 months) but even so she came to comfort me and him. I genuinely can’t understate how much I care about my dad and I wish he knew. He’s the only reason I’m still here. He was like this once last year and drove off to a club/bar and called the cops because he was genuinely going to hurt himself. I know he was like this when I was little too, I remember him punching holes into walls and yelling at my mom but it stopped when I was probably 6. He’s been through therapy multiple times and is on several medications. I just wish his life was easier, he’s genuinely been through the ringer and I hate how little he thinks of himself. I just wish I could show him how much I loved him in a way he would believe me.