Now that I discovered this community I am pretty confident what is happening to me is all tied back to this lovely little jaw muscle. I see my GP Monday 8am . Hoping for any advice - better details - corrections on my wrong assumptions or statements and ultimately a little reassurance and validation from yall , That what is happening to me right now is all connected and I am not crazy.
10 months ago I had my last 2 upper molars pulled the "ol fashioned" way with the wiggling and the tugging and the ripping and the "Okay now you're going to feel a bit of pressure" followed by the feeling that your jaw is in fact being ripped out of your mouth.
Things started mild 6 months ago intensified around the 3 month mark and now these last 3 weeks I can barely function. I feel the definition of "Malaise" hits perfect. I'm afraid to leave my house the head pain / brain fog has me feeling like I could blackout any second, And the whoosh / vertigo / world spins has me terrified of driving.
So here is what I'm feeling in order of how they hit , everything is on the left side if that matters
Shoulder Blade - Everything is felt along the bottom of the blade.
Jolt of fire and burning on the skin -- A tearing and ripping under the skin on the muscle - Starts to vibrate a tingling fire sensation outward in a semi circle
When I put my tens unit on there the flexing caused pain on the top of shoulder and collarbone.
Always strongest when I lift or carry, random bursts when I'm sitting doing nothing and now even the weight of my phone sends it to 11
Muscles Weakness and Tremors
When the blade pain is bad, I can barely grip anything with my hand, Hands tremble and different arm muscles randomly will twitch and flex.
My jaw is now (2 weeks) shivering / chittering (IDK wtf it is) as if im cold. Digging my fingers into the facial knots will stop it. Always hits when I first get out of bed, then a few times during the day no pattern in the trigger
Eyes/Ears
Couldn't keep my contacts in more than half day , left only felt cloudy hazy blurry - They are brand new lenses and Ive been use the good "eye juice" with no changes. Tried yesterday had to take em out within an hour.
Sharp twinge zap inside the ear - cold trickling sensation down the canal - ends with a punch of pain behind ear on the thick neck tendon
The Whoosh (Is this brain fog? Something else?) Zap / Jolt of electricity on top of my brain but under my skull - The whoosh when i see everything spin a 360 for a second - And ends with me "off kilter' for minutes to hours, As if there is a delay between what my eye sees to when my brain processes. During the spell ill feel "wonky" "Out of body" "tunnelly vision"
The Exploding Head
Its a constant feeling / sensation that my head is filling with sludge.
Forehead & eye have waves of intense dull aches, This part is killing so bad right now, even with NSAIDS it never stops having pressure just relieves it slightly. When it kicks hard and throbs my eyes go really fuzzy and that im going to blackout feeling hits. I have not actually passed or blacked out thank god - my cats would eat me alive in a day -
Jaw/ cheek & gums are twitchy with tightness/fullness and pointy pain shockwaves. The M in the TMJ is a ball of rubberbands and it is so very tender. My face does not appear to have anything swelling outwards from here but poking around in there i find tons of lumps I can break up.. Opening and closing i have full range I think and right now no popping or pains when i do. The area by my ear where the bones connect is so tender, but I dont feel lumps much here. I feel such relief when I hit here with my point tool.
Side of my Neck has small mushy lumps just under the skin and some big daddies deeper in and these ones get stabbyy pains that pulse with my heart.
Back of my neck the bottom half is gravel I can break up pretty easy but I think 3 more come back in their place.
Base of skull I have golf balls burried deep,. They dont throb but when I rub them it is painful but in the best way because I feel such release everywhere else but then they hurt for days. When I rub them to hard and deep oh man sore for days.
All this ends at my upper back and this area is awful. It burns on the surface level 24/7. Icy hot tricks my brain for about and hour. I did some scraping massage here and it sounded like rice krispies and I think hese are adhesions vs knots. .Deeper is full of thick knots, I have the trigger point hook to dig in there and sometimes magic happens and the ache everywhere else gets better for a bit.
The floating bone
It was mild discomfort, odd feelings of tightness inside my actual throat, tingles and a dry feel. It started wiggling around on its own pretty often and when I felt that first water balloon pop inside yikes I was scared AF. Now it just moves whenever it wants. I barely touch it and it "shoots" to the other side. Massaging in here hurts so GOOD! Looking all the way up and feeling from chin towards throat I have many bumps all different sizes. And lastly when I move my head certain ways it feels as if there is a leak happening and almost mucus-y like I could cough but usually dont need to
If you are still with me many apologies this got longer than I thought it would. Today has been my worst day so far, all the pains I mentioned are now hitting at once. Today I was sitting here sobbing in pain it because I was at 13 / 10 and wouldn't ease no matter what I pressed on . 3 Naproxen with 3 ibuprofen gives me about 3 hours of refief right now. I know posture is a part of my pain levels and ive aready ordered some tools so I can correct.

An outrageously poor diet, lifestyle, and past medications led to fatty liver disease and liver damage, which led to fluid buildup in my belly, which is called Ascites, which has a 5 year survival rate of 30-40%. My belly was the size of a 5 months pregnant woman. It was firm like a balloon, and had a higher protrusion at the top, and it would feel like it was going to pop when I took a deep breath. When my doctor looked at my MRI and told me, he didn't say what I should do. To me it felt like he thought, this guy is screwed, so why bother. That scared me straight.
I made big changes to my diet, and started working out at the gym. And this game was an important part of my fitness, as I depend on it when my legs needed to recover from high intensity cardio at the gym, and I need upper body cardio. And doing it through a game that's engaging and entertaining was the best way, as its something i've stuck to, and enjoy more as time goes by.
I need exercise daily as its a natural anti depressant, and it gives me energy. I feel crappy if I don't exercise at all. I've been at this for 13 months now and my belly is back to the normal size it was before I was diagnosed with those medical issues. And though most of the weight loss was from the diet changes, the 900 calories i'd burn per session from totf helped with that, along with my mental health. I've lost 20 pounds in the past month.
The first time I played, I was gassed by the end of the second round. Now I can play for an hour and a half, beating all the opponents consecutively, throwing 150 punches a round. Being able to TKO most of them, and knocking out the last opponents. I'm drenched in sweat after.
I'm also doing better in the game from technical skill. I never used to throw hooks because I threw them much slower than jabs, and I thought the game calculated damage just from speed. I didn't realize that it accounted for distance/momentum. So I worked on my hooks, getting them faster, and rotating my torse to load them up, and now its my money shot. I'm also working on crosses and uppercuts.
Also, I started paying more attention to defense. Bobbing and weaving, keeping my gloves up by my cheeks. Ducking and moving my head back. It also makes the game feel more realistic. After a fight I like looking at the stats to see how many punches the opponent missed.
I still have a lot more improvement to make. I still have more weight i'd like to lose, and I am going to move from challenger difficulty to champion.
Can't wait for the sequel.

Hi everybody! I was just wanted to say that I’m so grateful that this group exists. I’ve read many threads and gotten so much good help. With everything from climate control, to pressure settings, to cushion fit, to chipmunk cheeks. It’s like a skill, isn’t it? And every day you just get a little bit better at it if you stick with it. That’s what I’m learning. I almost had a great night of sleep last night. The only reason I didn’t was because it was the first night I used the climate control and I said it to 72 and then fell asleep on my back for about four hours. When I woke up to change to my side, There was gurgling in the pipe and I didn’t know what to do so I took it off of my face and it started shooting water everywhere. That was unexpected at 3 AM. Does the climate control have something to do with that? I feel like I’ve just about gotten the hang of it. I’m taping my mouth and learning to keep suction in my mouth while I sleep so that my cheeks don’t fill up. I find that I do better on my back and have less events per hour when I wake up if I can stay on my back most of the night, even though I’ve been a side sleeper my whole life. Mostly, I just wanted to thank you all and ask you about this moisture buildup. Thank you so much.

They think I have pots.
It all started with a stroke like incident that wasn't a stroke in the tests, but to me, it was the same symptoms.
For two and a half years now I've been begging doctors to look at the back of head and neck where the pain an pressure was and is, and after a tilt table, I'm confident they are going to diagnose me with pots and send me on my way.
So I have some questions:
Does pots include severe bruising on the legs?
Does it involve these localized bulb pains in abdomen and behind knees and calves?
Is there a feeling in a single part of your skull, in between your head and neck somewhere that is full of fluid pressure? Like behind your inner ear on one side?
Does pots cause a lot of mucus buildup in your sinuses especially at night and severe amounts of post nasal drip?
Is it normal for me, only medication being mometasone, nasal steroids, to be dropping to 30bpm and 80% O2 in the night, and does pots drop your heartrate drastically when laying down?
Any and all help with these questions would be wonderful, as I am already disabled, and it has been very difficult to get doctors to even believe me about having tachycardia while standing. I had to buy an expensive watch before I was able to get anyone to admit it wasn't just anxiety and give me a neurologist and eventually this tilt table test which confirms it.
I'm most concerned about the low bpm. If this neurologist tries to put me on some of the medications you guys say lowers heartrate, I could die, and this neurologist happens to be the worst in all of Canada (he is in history books and holds the record for most retracted ans falsified medical papers...not joking)

So there's a lot of stray cats in my neighborhood, as I live by a lake where people often dump their animals. I have about 9 strays that I feed and interact with each day, some are completely feral, while a few of the boys let me pet them. One of the boys, I named Paté. He's a mild mannered cat, but sometimes will fight with the other boys if they mess with him.
Yesterday he showed up for dinner with a MASSIVELY swollen cheek. I was really worried that he had been bit by a venomous snake. Today the swelling has completely gone down and I can see the wound more clearly. It seems something (I'm assuming another male cat) may have bit a chunk out of his cheek. He usually is on the go, but has been sleeping on my porch all day. He is sleeping in the cat house my bf built right now... eating great and doesn't appear to be in too much pain, but he is sleeping a lot. I just fed him and checked on him. There seems to be a bit of mucus coming out of the wound, but he's still pretty wild and doesn't want me to touch his face.
Is there anything I can treat the wound with from home? I can't afford to take him to a vet, but am really worried about the little guy. I tried searching online, but saw very mixed advice. There's a photo of the wound on my profile, on my post history from cats. Here's a link
https://www.reddit.com/cats/s/SEggCr4qNK

just got a rat, yesterday, and its breathing is pretty bad it seems, clicks when breathing, sneezing a lot, but no watery eyes or the red mucus buildup. i got a vet appt for the 30th but what should i do in the meantime?

Hello everyone, I hope you are doing well!
Recently I commented under a post about tips and tricks to improve physical appearance and it seems that a few people liked my advice, so I figured I could transform that one comment into a whole post so more people can have access to it.
I am a 26 year old Southern European girly, I have learned a few things here and there that I would I like to share with you. This is by no means a step by step guide, but rather a helping hand that can provide some support or advice. This is for everyone, younger girls and older girls, from everywhere and all walks of life. Take from this post what works for you, and leave the rest.
Small disclaimer, these are tips and tricks that have personally worked for me. I don't believe there is one way to look or feel good, rather this is more for girlies who feel a bit lost style wise and need some minor guidance. My focus is more on healthy rather than pretty, since I do believe that if you feel good on the inside, you will also feel good on the outside.
Enjoy, and please do let me know if you need any more specific advice/tips, I am happy to help!
***

Face

• Skin: Keep it simple, keep it consistent, keep it adapted to your skin needs. Consult with a dermatologist or just do your own research at home (that's what I did!). It took me a while to figure out the products that work for me and the routine. I won't recommend any specific products because each product works very differently. What works for me might not work for you even if we have the same skin type/concerns. My main issues are the occasional spot, big pores and dull skin.
  
  • Night Time: I do a double cleanse at night (oil followed by water cleanser), use retinol, and moisturiser. Vaseline is a game changer if you have any dry or irritations spots on your face. My under eye area is very sensitive and irritates easily with products, and Vaseline is the only thing that works. Also apply Vaseline on your lips before bedtime, you will have the softest lips when you wake up.
  • Morning Time: I don't cleanse my face in the morning because otherwise it would get very dry. I wash with cold water, then Vitamin C serum, moisturizer (I love the Roche Posay Cicaplast Baume), and a generous amount of SPF.
  • One thing I recommend a lot, is that if a product works well on your skin, you should stop using it after a few months to make sure your face doesn't get used to it and decreases its efficiency. I rotate between 2-3 products, and switch them whenever I finish a product.
• Teeth: Brush twice a day and floss daily. Trust me on this. Flossing is a game changer to make your teeth healthier and whiter. I won't recommend any whitening products because I don't use them as my teeth are very sensitive. But if possible try to schedule an appointment with an hygienist once a year to get your teeth cleaned and remove any buildup. This is super important. And remember that healthy teeth >>> white teeth.
  
• Eyes/Eyebrow
  
  • If you want to add an extra step to your routine, I recommend getting a lashlift, it lasts around 8 weeks, looks very natural and elegant, and make your eyes pop. You have smaller eyes (like I do), I really recommend this. You can also ask to do a lash tint so your lashes appear even longer. When you do go to a salon do make sure that it has good reviews (ie hygiene), and also make sure that they test all the products on your hand beforehand, so you don't have an allergic reaction in your eyes.
  • Getting your eyebrows done is definitely a game changer. I don't do any permanent or semi permanent treatments, other than getting my brows professionally plucked.
• Makeup: I like simple makeup (with the main reason being that I don't know how to do more complicated makeup). The good thing about simple makeup is that everyone looks good with it, and really gives you a confidence boost. I use a skin tint (MAC has a nice one, and Maybelline too) that gives the skin a bit of a glow with some concealer under the eyes and to hide spots. I like adding bit of blush (Rare Beauty is quite nice), some mascara, a bit of eyebrow gel (from Benefit Cosmetics), and a clear lip oil (I really like the Clarins one).
  
  • If I am going out, I do the same routine but I make it more intense. For example, I use a darker blush on my cheeks (MAC Swiss Chocolate), a dark brown lip liner as lipstick with the lip oil, and I also use a bit of shimmer on my eyelids to make them pop (I have very dark brown eyes). I will also use a setting spray in between steps along with setting powder to make it last longer.

Body

• Regarding getting fit, there is no easy way out. It will take months of consistently working out and following specific food regimens. If you can, I would advise getting a personal trainenutritionist to at least get you started on a meal and exercise plan. Having a healthy, and strong body will make you feel so confident and good.
• I would recommend getting a blood test to check on your vitals and make sure you don't have any deficiencies (regarding vitamins or hormones). Taking supplements can really boost your energy and improve your health. Magnesium with Vitamin D is great and has a lot of benefits, but please check with a doctor first.
• Some things help a lot with body confidence like getting your nails done (hands and feet!). Trust me. Get a simple semi permanent gel polish in milky white on both your hands and feet, it looks super natural, lasts for weeks, and makes your hands and feet look amazing and fresh.
• Body care: I recommend using a body brush when you shower, it will make your skin feel really smooth, and you suffer from body acne it will help. Tip: don't keep in the shower and clean your brush regularly, so bacteria doesn't accumulate, and cause issues. After the shower, I like using the Ordinary Glycolic Acid toner on my body, followed by a body oil (I recommend Bio Oil). It makes my skin look amazing, soft and minimises stretch marks, scars and hyperpigmentation. When I go out, I like using Nuxe Or to make things a bit more extra. I like being shiny. I also like using a body moisturiser on my elbows, feet, knees where the skin can get a bit more dry.
• For hair removal, I get laser done since it's quite cheap where I'm from. We Southern Europeans are very very very hairy. It honestly has been a game changer. I know it's not available to a lot of people but it's something that does work really well, specially if you have fair skin and dark hair.

Hair

• I have wavy hair, so this advice will not be useful to a lot of people. I thing hair with layers looks great, and I have my hair cut with long bangs and layers since I was 15 years old. I recently got a big chop, right above my shoulders and I am embracing my natural hair colour. I kept the layers and I think it makes easy to style and maintain.
• I recommend getting a haircut every 3 months, just the tips to keep it healthy. I also use Argan oil on my hair tips, and rosemary water on my scalp before I wash it. My washing routine is very standard otherwise with a shampoo that focused on scalp care. I do a hair mask once a week, and don't use any conditioner because it doesn't work for me at all.
• I don't use any heat except hairdryer. If I want to give it a bit of more volume I use a round brush and some curling rolls to style it and make my waves more... wavy I suppose.

Style

• Find clothes that fit you well, and more importantly that you feel confident in. You don't need to wait until you have your 'perfect' body. Get clothes that suit your body type, your complexion. There are some threads on Reddit that I think can help with that.
• I like going on Pinterest and look for outfit inspiration. I also follow a few instagram accounts that focus on creating different outfits, and they even link the items. I use this less to buy new things but more to see if I can use items I already own and style them differently.
• I am very much a basics girl, I think nothing looks better than a well fitting blouse/top with straight jeans and either sneakers/ankle boots. T-shirt/jeans combo is honestly a classic that looks good on everyone as long as the clothes fit well. I don't usually follow a lot of trends because they don't really work for me. I think it's important to keep basics in your closet that will always be in style. Think basic t-shirts, long and short sleeved (in white, black, grey), some form fitting, other loose. Get some straight jeans in different washes. You can create so many different outfits, and it works for both the day and night time. When I go out for drinks, I use a white tight t-shirt and some dark blue jeans with ankle boots. It's simple but it works! Trust me ;)
• Jewellery: I re-use the same jewellery every day. And if you want to start wearing more, try getting some good quality but affordable pieces that always look good and you can use during the day and night. Think some small silver hoops, or gold, maybe a small ear cuff, and a simple necklace. I like using rings on my index fingers, they are quite simple, but look elegant, specially with the milky white nails.

Hope this helps! I might add some edits here and there as I remember more things!

FTM 38.5 weeks today. Due Date - May 27th. I’m considered high risk for my age. Everything has been textbook for baby boy.
I just got done my weekly doctor appointment. I told them that since Friday I’ve been extremely nauseous and just started having diarrhea yesterday morning. She checked my cervix and I am currently 90% effaced and 2” dilated. Apparently I’ve been having contractions but just brushed them off as Braxton Hicks/nothing because they were tolerable. The worst pain I’ve been having is sciatic pain in my left butt cheek.
My doctor said I’m in pre labor and to keep an eye on the contractions and call when things get worse. She didn’t seem to think he was coming for a few more days at least. I told her that I’m nervous having such a high tolerance for pain I’m just going to brush things off and it will be too late for an epidural. She said my body is doing a lot of work for where I am for a FTM.
I’m so confused now and I don’t even know what I’m confused about lol. I’m having contractions, but it feels like the baby is moving/stomach pain from needing to go to the bathroom.
Why hasn’t my water broke yet if I’m 90% effaced almost two weeks before my due date? Will it break on its own? I guess the whole effacement confuses me lol. I don’t know if I lost my mucus plug because of how much I’ve been going to the bathroom. Can I be 100% effaced without being in active labor? A lot of people think he’s coming tonight/tomorrow.
With everything I’ve read, I feel like I should understand it but now that I’m in it, all of it is going over my head! Any help or stories will be greatly appreciated!

Hey all!
After ~3 years of no progress, I fully recovered in about eight weeks. 97% of the symptoms are gone, including PEM, fatigue, MCAS reactions, and feeling sick most of the time. I’m back to working 9-10h a day with superb cognitive output, training as hard as I can (i.e., 30min peloton 168 bpm, >10k steps a day, lots of bodyweight work during the day), and being truly myself. Gosh, I’m feeling fucking blessed. Like I was asleep for 3y and finally woke up. I have SO MUCH energy. Started a new project, got back to writing essays, hanging out with friends, etc. I’m fucking alive again!
Case summary:
Got a very mild Covid in the beginning of July 2021; didn’t even have fever but felt exhausted (i.e., struggled getting out of bed in the morning) and lost smell and taste; recovered in ~10 days; senses returned in ~2-3 weeks.
Developed neuro issues (cognitive PEM, difficulty thinking) and fatigue during acute covid, literally next day after exposure, and they never went away; this was my first long covid symptom.
Then kept developing more & more symptoms:

• food sensitivities in Aug-Sep 2021
• chronic recurrent sinusitis in Sep 2021
• dysautonomia and POTS in 2022
• stomach (H Pylori), gut, and joints issues in summer 2023
• more sensitivities (cold, heat, pill coating) in summer 2023
• neuropathies, more severe joints issues in late 2023/2024
• recurring viral infections (reactivation?) in May, Sep, Dec 2023, Mar 2024

My major sX on March 2024 were:

1. feeling and being sick most days (fatigue/ugh state, brain fog, reddish cheeks, sinus and ear Sx, sometimes cold sores)
   1. frequent (every month) sinus infections (very thick yellow mucus, severe cognitive dysfunction, sinus and ear Sx: pressure, congestion, postnasal drip, hot ears in the evening)
   2. persistent brain fog/cognitive dysfunction: working and long-term memory issues, slow info processing, word recall troubles, not feeling like myself/depersonalization, etc.
2. mental and physical PEM
3. MCAS: allergy-like reactions to foods (esp high-histamine), cold, pressure, exercise, certain antibiotics (augmentin), tablet coating, etc.
   
4. dysautonomia and POTS
   
5. gut issues: bloating, upset, abdominal pain (esp right lower quadrant; even tested for appendicitis via bloods + CT + ultrasound)
   
6. joints issues: pain and swelling in both feet metatarsals (bursitis)
   
7. misc:
   
   1. pain, weakness, and discomfort in 4th and 5th left hand fingers
   2. right eye issues: sometimes enlarged pupil (only in right eye), pain above right eye if I roll my eyes up, looking at bright objects leaves a lasting mark in the visual field (but does not in the left eye)

Summary of what I believe healed me:

1. lots of sunlight: sunrise, midday, sunset; as much time as possible under the sun (see below for the pic how I’m typing these words!) >> this cleared up sinus, ear, and GI infections + improved energy and mood
2. cold exposure: 3 min cold showers + morning and evening ~20min naked torso outside at ~5-9 degrees celsius; plus temp variability: hanging out naked torso outside as much as possible to retrain that vasculature and aerate the body >> this reduced stress, removed fatigue, and brought my energy back
3. spending most of my time outdoors, in nature (parks, forest, meadows, lakes, etc.): hanging out amongst animals, birds, etc. >> this further reduced stress to basically zero and brought back a sense of joy and serenity
4. nervous system retraining via specific types of movement and aromatherapy: balance, dancing, climbing, boxing moves, fencing, crawling + smelling flowers, trees, essential oils, herbs >> this brought back trust in my body and a sense of balance & peace
5. very clean, vegan, autophagy-optimized diet + eggs (i.e., no sugar, UPFs of any kind, all organic, mostly fresh/little cooked; lots of spermidine via sprouted rye, wheat; other autophagy boosting foods), with ~3 small meals a day and 20-40% caloric restriction >> this took away gut issues, reduced joint inflammation, and opened up my sinuses after years of congestion
6. lots of movement throughout the day and gradual return to more intense exercise: started from short and very light and low intensity bodyweight workout (10 mins; one set of squats, pushups, abs, etc.) and built up from that; z1 cardio 105 bpm walking with ~5kg backpack; then z2 peloton 15>20>30 mins; then more intense strength workouts with dumbbells + LOTS of movement throughout the day, every 20-30 mins, never still >> this also greatly improved energy, although I did get PEM first (in March-April) after more-or-less intense 40 min strength training with dumbbells, but then it went away; that lady from huberman pod (see below) had a brilliant point of how each type of exercise (walking, strength, endurance, HIIT, zone 2) positively affects mitochondria in different ways, “muscle contraction is medicine”
7. weirdly, 100% dark chocolate, 20-50g daily. It’s a strong autophagy inducer and boasts with antioxidants + boosts brain function and mood. >> I felt substantially better right after I started eating it, and never stopped.

Supplements and drugs I took: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1_oA0CONWDlPg7eEABA6tIo9Np5sfVy_iC497JrZDeoY/edit#gid=0
All they did was reduce brain fog + reactions to foods, but those sx immediately returned when I tried stopping the supps in Feb.
I think the main problem was mitochondrial dysfunction because all those things I did address it in various ways. Huberman released a great pod on it last week (https://youtu.be/8qaBpM73NSk?si=cDdTBiOzKk86wkQn) + check out Jack Kruse stuff for more info
Sending you all good energy. Stay strong. You can beat it.
VS

It was late November 2015. I was 51 and one year past my divorce (which was not related to cheating) when I became so disgusted with myself that I knew I had to pick myself up. I was alone for the long holiday, and although I wasn't really sad or lonely, I felt empty. However, I had some extra time to consider how does one picks oneself up.
I made a list of potential New Year resolutions that were individually realistic. Some were really easy and stupid like “have your chipped front tooth fixed” and “take & post a selfie”. These smaller tasks fueled my confidence and provided the energy boosts needed to tackle the more challenging resolutions, like starting a weight loss challenge at work.
Skip ahead to March 4th 2016. I had a Friday lunch date with a married client that I met two weeks prior. Of course, it was not a real date, as I wouldn't impose myself on a married woman, nor would I risk my career or my ego, especially if the signals she seemed to be sending were just a product of my wishful thinking, stimulated by checking off some boxes on the list on the fridge dated 1/1/16.
The following is my thank you note to her for a great date as well as for helping me check a lot of boxes over the past few weeks. I sent her a link to it as it is in the form of my first ever online post (one more check box, YAY!).
************************************** We were only 1 minute in the hotel room; her jeans in a ball on the floor. She sat at the foot of the king sized bed and backed her way into the stack of oversized pillows lining the headboard. I followed as If attached by a leash. I landed somewhat awkwardly on my elbows between her legs finding myself squarely face to face with the tattoo. This tattoo, that she so shamelessly revealed just a week ago, the same tattoo that has been scorching my thoughts and the same tattoo that she promised me complete and unlimited access.
It’s been a long time since I have been here or anywhere near as nice as here, between the legs of a beautiful woman 20 years younger and far out of my league....even when I was her age. I took a second to drink in my fortunate situation. I admired her panties. All day I was so hoping she would wear those same panties as before. She didn’t. These were different but similar enough. The delicate lace and silk perfectly framed the tattoo on her hip. She did not disappoint. There is a fruity jasmine scent, intoxicatingly pleasant, and oh so subtle. It is not here. I’ll need to find its source. I want more of that. (I remember being thoroughly impressed and thinking to myself “This girl is good”.)
I briefly forgot that there was someone else here besides myself and the tattoo. How long have I been down here perving out on her? I wondered. I hesitated, and then apologetically looked up half expecting a well-deserved snarky glare. What I found instead was an ear to ear compassionate smile followed by a tilt of her head and an arch of her eyebrow that said “I like that you like that, carry on”.
With confidence restored that we were still in sync, I adjusted myself so that I was in a good position to thoroughly enjoy what I came to do. I kissed the tattoo hard and gave it a good lick. The challenge for today was “Taste the Tattoo” and I won. I did a small celebration gesture that she rolled her eyes to. I continued to kiss and taste all around until every freckle got some personal attention. As I got to the upper most reaches of her inner thighs, I looked up to check in as I was about to cross a new line. For the first time she was not looking back at me but had laid her head back deep into the pillows, her eyes closed. I took that as a yes!
I marveled at the softness of her inner thighs on my cheeks as I gently placed kisses up one and down the other. As I kissed her through her panties, her hips responded by arching her up in anticipation of each next kiss. Before long, those wonderful panties were just getting in the way. I stopped and pondered whether to just slide them aside or remove them or to risk interrupting the mood and attempt a complete wardrobe removal as we were both still fully dressed except for her jeans.
I didn’t have to ponder long as she knew what she wanted and it was not any of the options I was considering. Still lying back with her head semi submerged within the pillows, she held out her arms as if gesturing for a hug. I moved up her body and when I got close enough she pulled me in for a kiss.
Unbelievably, this was our first kiss. I found it odd that we had not kissed yet and was grateful she thought to stop for a moment to have a kiss. We kissed some and then I settled in to thoroughly enjoy it. However, the kiss to come was not the kiss I was expecting or a kiss I was ready for. It was a kiss that could ruin everything.
Technically, there was one kiss before. It was an awkward kiss 5-10 minutes earlier just after we entered the room. All in about the time it took for the hotel door to close behind us, she tossed her bag on the sofa, had her jewelry off and set on the nightstand while I emptied my pockets and silenced my phone.
We approached each other, and as we met I was looking at the place where the tattoo would be under her shirt and behind her jeans. They were higher cut and could not be pulled down that far to get to the tattoo. They would have to come off. To just reach in and do that would be an uncharacteristically bold move for me. But I did have unquestionable permission to have the tattoo in any way that I desired. I reached down with both hands and took hold of the waistband on each side of the button. I didn’t see her simultaneous move in at me at first. Just as I felt the metal of the button, I felt her reaching her arms around my neck and realized that she was tip toeing up for a kiss. It caught me unexpectedly and I think it showed on my face that it did. I tried to recover and moved back in to accept her lips on to mine but it turned into an awkward peck.
I scolded myself for the selfish moment and just as I was trying to formulate a recovery gesture, she, without missing a beat, gently dismissed my fumble and gracefully restored the momentum. “Oh” she said with surprise in her tone, while looking down at my fingers ready to release her button. Then, in a more playfully quizzical tone, she followed with “I guess you want to get right to THAT then” and she stepped back away from me where I lost grip of her jeans. She replaced my fingers on the button with hers, paused, maybe waiting for me to look up to her eyes, which I finally did, then flashed me a devilishly naughty smile and pulled her jeans down to the top of her boots. She then proudly announced, mostly to herself, “You really are going to let me have fun with you, aren’t you!” seemingly shedding any doubts in her mind that I would go through with this. She then sat at the foot of the all white linen king sized bed, removed her boots and jeans and backed her way into the stack of oversized pillows lining the headboard.
Back to our kiss. The kiss that from now on I will reflect on as our first kiss
Responding to her hug gesture, I moved up her body and when I got close enough she pulled me in for a kiss. I didn’t flub it this time, but again, I didn’t know it was coming, and prolly I should have. It took only ten seconds to adjust and synchronize to each other’s kissing form. It was warm and succulent and sweet and was wonderful. I really was surprised at how nice this felt. I don’t recall married kissing being this enjoyable. I remember saying to myself “Damn, this girl can kiss”.
I was on top, in a position that wasn’t going to be comfortable for as long as I wanted this to last, so I backed away to reposition but she held tight indicating she didn’t want me to move. I gestured at the space next to her and she relented. We then settled in facing one another side by side; her smile confirming that this was a nice place. We were hugging and kissing, pulling each other closer and looking into each other’s eyes. Our legs intertwined and our hands were roaming, but not really in a sexual way, more like trying to make as much body contact as possible. I couldn’t get over how I felt so much more familiarity than there was. What I did not recognize at the time was that this was the physical intimacy catching up to match the virtual intimacy we have been sharing online.
Soon the intensity escalated and it was getting very hot very quickly. The intensity and passion that was building was not something I ever expected or planned for. This was the rare kind of making out where accidental hickeys happen and inadvertent “Oh god I love you’s” slip out. Not that either of those was going to happen but my safe, non-committal no emotional strings encounter was getting too hot to not risk introducing emotions into the situation. And that could happen.
At some point I was no longer kissing her lips and mouth but was kissing her.
I broke contact to catch a breath and maybe get some control of the fire. We stopped for a moment to breathe and cool off. She slid herself on top and I rolled over on to my back to accommodate her. She looked at me with eyes that appeared to agree that it was a good time to slow it down. She closed her eyes and she seemed to enjoy that I was rubbing her back with both hands that I slipped up under her shirt. She presented her lips for me to kiss and then her cheek for the same, then neck and ear and lips again. Her long hair had fallen down around us, surrounding our faces like a vail creating a tiny private and even more intimate space. Inside here it was darker and the temperature and humidity rose quickly. We were breathing each other’s breath between kisses. All of a sudden I noticed that Jasmine was back. Not subtle this time, but deep and fulfilling. I loved it.
This fragrance stuff really works. The next morning just after waking up, I caught an unexpected subtle whiff on my skin under my watch and my heart jumped by 20 beats. Who’d a thunk it possible?
The passion was building again but since I was aware and cautious now, I wanted to enjoy and go with it. I thought I could keep it measured and I did for a while as it does take two. The kissing slowed to half and so did the passion. However, the rest of our bodies started to make up for it and the touching evolved into the sexual. She was still on top of me and my hands were exploring and squeezing on her panty covered butt, then under and in those panties. Her body contact became more targeted as she was now very deliberately mashing her fun stuff all over my fun stuff. The kissing subsided but replaced with the audible accompaniment of her squeaks, moans and quicker breathing timed with her mashing I was no longer in control. The passion was under control but being replaced with something intimately erotic.
I abruptly escaped by gently rolling her over on to her back then getting up and knelling between her legs. I took a moment to catch my breath and wanted to say “That is getting WAY too intimate. Can we get naked and have sex now?” However, I tugged at her panties and said something dorky like “can we take these off now?” Yes, we were still both fully dressed except for her jeans
Since I am the kind of guy who doesn’t kiss and tell, (well, only tells about the kisses) and this is not the forum for it, I am not going to talk about the sexy part over the next 30 minutes. I will tell you that we did finally each get ourselves unceremoniously naked and then the sexy part finishes where it started, with me finishing all over that beautiful tattoo. Of course I did a small celebration gesture that she rolled her eyes to.
*************************************************
Cuddle time. Our snapchats leading up to this encounter were heavy on the anticipation and buildup but didn’t contain a lot of detail about or define what stuff would happen during our “fun” time together.
Me: “Ok then, tomorrow lunchtime, I’m in.”
Her: “OMG Are you saying that you are REALLY going to come here and let me have fun with you?
Me: “I’m REALLY going to come there. I am REALLY going to fully inspect that tattoo, as well as the neighborhood where the tattoo lives.
Her: “I so can’t wait to get my hands on you.”
Me: “WOW….Now that this is real and going to happen, my heart is beating so hard that I am afraid that people can see it through my shirt.”
Her: “You have to tell me, are you being SERIOUS right now? You can’t say this and not show up. It’s OK if you are teasing, but you have to say so that you are now….not tomorrow!!!”
Me: “I am SERIOUS and I PROMISE I will be there. You have gotten to me, BAD. All week with the way we have been talking..err..I mean snapchatting; I can’t get you out of my head. Then today with those tattoo snaps you sent; I can’t get up from my desk. LOL…..NOT kidding NOT teasing.”
Her: “I am BAD, and I like having FUN. I am going to have so much fun with you!!!”
************************************************
The only specific things I recall us acknowledging we would do with our “fun” was tattoo inspection and cuddle time. So as soon as cleanup from sexy time was done we both knew what time it was. For me, as good as the inspection was the cuddle was better. Just as during the sexy time we changed things up and we got to cuddle many ways. We started face to face full contact hugging just like our kissing time with some but less kissing and more being in the moment.
We were still hot (temperature hot now) and sweaty so that didn’t last long. She turned over and we spooned some. I was still craving full body contact but it was still so hot that we had to separate a bit. No contact spooning if you will, with just my one hand caressing her exposed shoulder and arm and hip with an occasional butt cheek squeeze.
It was about that time that we had our first ever personal conversation. On the project there were lots of flirty banter and some personal stories but almost always as part of a group. We had many phone calls and a few project meetings with just us two but never did the conversation get personal. Until now the only personal talks (Chats) we have had have been via Snapchat. I don’t recall who asked the first question of the other, but it was like a dam broke and we started filling in the details of our lives, our feelings and all the things we chatted about.
There was a lot to tell and we were giddy like children (child) best friends re-meeting on the first day of school catching each other up on our summer vacations. At one point she had something compelling to say and faster than a fish out of water she flipped back to facing me so she could gesture with her hand and punctuate through her expression. She landed close. Closer that I think she meant to at first and just a bit awkward I felt. But I was wrong. She didn’t back up an inch. I really couldn’t see her hand but I could feel that she was using it in the 2 to 4 inches of space between our chests. Her face was right into mine. She would lean back or up just an inch when she wanted me to see her eyes or smile or frown for emphasis, then settle back into the pillows with our foreheads or noses or cheeks touching. It was the farthest thing in the world from awkward.
If there was a recurring theme for the day it would be HOT; in every sense and synonym of the word. Again, it was getting too sweaty to remain that close. This time she broke contact to catch a breath and escape the heat. We stopped talking for a moment to breathe and cool off. She sat up, crawled to, and grabbed the (sexy time) clean-up towel that was at the far foot of the bed. She turned around so that she was kneeling facing me as she brought the towel up to her chest to absorb the beads and drips of sweat that had accumulated. As I watched, I again thought of my great fortune to be right here right now feeing what I feel and seeing the beauty before me. She pushed the towel down across her belly button and it fell into her lap.
I observed the soft sunlight reflecting off the white sheets, the white towel, and the white pillows bathed her in perfect light creating just a hint of subtle shadows in all of the right places on her angelic white skin. I started consciously taking photos with my mind. I wanted to capture every nuance and note every detail. I don’t know if I will ever be here again.
I don't recall if my next realization was comprehended in a split second, or if it took ten seconds to develop, but a terrible fear washed over me that for the first time in forever, she was beyond my touch and her next action might be to look for her panties or go jump in the shower. We were after all, deep into the second hour of her hour long lunch.
As I was preparing myself for the pain soon to come, I couldn't understand where it was coming from. I had the BEST DAY EVER, but I felt like an exhausted child who just watched the Disney fireworks finally and knows what that means.
What the hell? What is happening in my head? I don't even know this girl, let alone have feelings for her beyond she made my dick feel good at lunchtime.....and, I guess my ego is healthier since I met her. I have not cheated on my diet since she turned on the flattery the week before. I was sure it had to be somehow manipulative, but I hoped that if only a 5% chance it wasn't AND she liked me AND her mom was single, made it easy to keep my snacking to peas & carrots.
My self esteem has been skyrocketing too, as I have been checking a lot of boxes on my refrigerator. LOL, so many in fact, that I have been adding things to the list after they happened that I didn't dare put on it as they seemed pretty unobtainable just two months before. "Get sent a nude selfie, check. Have the confidence to send one back, check. Take a hottie 32 year old client out to lunch and fuck her brains out, check.
Did I just discover that I like girls who make my self esteem feel good more than I like girls who make my dick feel good?
Shit, that wasn't even on my top ten list. Smart, funny, pretty, Kind, whatever is the opposite of bitchy, fun in bed, boobs and/or an age appropriate figure is always nice, curious, someone you can trust to see you at your worst. Before today, "genuinely being a boost & support of my self esteem" was 10th.
Then BAM. I was hit in the face with the towel. Damn girl, I hope you can handle a spanking because I was just on the verge of making an interpersonal discovery of some importance over here, I thought to myself. I noticed the slightest or possibly mock look of concern on her face as she asks "you're not having any regrets or second thoughts over there are you?". I reflexively replied "Oh god no". Then with some emphasys, I continued "today was incredible. I REALLY needed this and you were PERFECT, thank you".
Again she did not disappoint. She crawled to the top of the bed on the far side and then to me over the pillows and laid down at a 90 angle to me on her stomach parallel to the headboard with her head nearly right on top of mine. She propped herself up a bit on her elbows and we kissed deeply. It was nice.
I made a few attempts to shake my internal drama, get out of my head and get back to my goal of picking my self up after my divorce. Oops, I mean back to pleasing a beautiful woman who clearly was not yet done having her fun with me. The emotional rollercoaster ride over the last hours, days & weeks completely blew out my brains ability to generate or absorb endorphins or whatever happens in a situation like this. Shortly after we had joked around while showering together, kissing goodbye (just like when I kissed my endorphin killing ex wife) and going on back to our separate lives.
I drove the hour or so home, brought my dog to the park and had healthiest and happiest cry I ever had. I don't know what I was feeling or why, but I was feeling again and it brought me much relief and contentedness.
We texted a bit that evening confirming that we each enjoyed our time together and agreeing that we should do that again sometime. The next day, Saturday, her husband took their 5 & 8 year old sons somewhere for the day. We checked in with each other again over text and chatted some about our lunch but the spark or excitement we usually had was not the same.
I reached out again that evening and asked if she was in a place that we could talk on the phone. She resisted but did call me (our first personal phone call). It took her 24 hours to let her cry bubble up. It turns out that our emotional experiences were remarkably similar, albeit from different perspectives.
She much later reveals that she felt emotionally dead for her hubby. She evolved to a bad place where she wanted fuck anyone but her hubby but still fucked him twice a week and had to appear happy to do it, killing her brain chemistry.
We rode the best and worst roller coaster in the world for 6 or 8 months....until the the Cocaine eventually wore off or the unobtainable became obtainable and it wasn't the the same rush for either of us any longer. She was the closest thing to a drug addiction that I ever felt. I never wanted anyone or anything like I wanted her.
My hope is that this story helps one person answer the question "Why the hell would he/she risk giving up their wonderful & loving family for an hour with a douchebag or a skank?"

Hi there! I got an emergent reversible ileostomy done in March 2023 because I stopped being able to pass anything at all. Before surgery they had me downing laxatives trying to pass anything I could, with no luck. I ended up passing stool at 1 month, 3 months, and 6 months post-op. I thought I was done until about a month ago, when I started to feel the urge again.
My surgeon told me to do 2 enemas a day for 5 days to pass any mucus buildup, but it turns out there's still stool in there. The first enema was excruciating and barely passed anything.
Have any of you dealt with a similar situation? And how did you deal with it? The advice I'm getting now is to keep slamming enemas but there has to be a better way because I can't handle it mentally any more. At this point I'm ready to say "fuck it" and get my barbie butthole.
Additional info:
My anatomy doesn't allow for manual disimpaction (stricture).
I have defecography and anorectal manometry appointments scheduled, but I'm not sure how accurate those would be if I'm still impacted?

My family has always been of great minds. I hated it. Growing up and having to study day and night to try and live up to them was extremely exhausting when I couldn't care how things worked as long as I was happy. I gave up but somehow everything kept turning out to be true.
Over my lifetime I have become the Gorden Ramsey of the science world. Known for my temper and also for huge things like curing world hunger using play-doe and cancer with baby powder I got in a back street ally while drunk.
To get my family off my back I started making random ideas so they could see me as a failure and leave me alone but...they keep working. And soon people started to praise me. Fame has left me with nothing but more and more attention. So today I plan to make sure that everyone can just think I'm insane and leave me alone and not some king.
I chuckled like a kid who was opening a Christmas present as I heard the crowd of people chatting and talking loudly as I hid behind my stage in a grey tight suit that my sister had picked out. I sighed and was ready to walk out and make a fool out of myself but my brother stopped me.
" Jack... I just want you to know how proud I am of you. Dad would have loved to see you right now. "
I thought it was ironic because last night while chilling on the couch watching TV and eating chips I made this theory up. He dusted off my shoulders held them tight and looked me in the eyes taking in the moment.
" go give them hell man. "
He had a goofy smile just like Dad but spoke with confidence.
" you got it, man. "
I heard my name being called onto the stage and the uproar startled me for a second but I collected myself and headed out after giving him a nod just to entertain him.
The lights were blinding as I grabbed the mic and looked at the table in front of me with a small box with the ingredients I needed and a chalkboard behind me.
After I stood still for a minute the crowd died down. I had not told anyone what I was presenting so the whole world was watching without a clue of what I was doing this time.
"Hello everyone. Today I believe I have my most important presentation yet..."
The crowd grew silent and hung on every word. And I heard my voice around the room through the speakers.
" Today I have with me a box...and inside is spaghetti I had for breakfast. "
The crowd laughed thinking it was a joke
" shut up "
The crowd grew silent once more
"Behind me is a chalkboard and I will now present my new findings to all of you...I have found out how to make portals to other worlds. "
A man in the far back of the audience yelled bullshit in a heavy Indian accent but he was so far it was a faint sound for me. I smiled at that thinking I had finally found something that would make me lose my title and I could go ahead and live a life without people making me feel like an evil man for not helping others.
I opened the box got a handful of the noodles and threw them at the chalkboard. I then grabbed a paper towel on standby to clean myself.
The noodles hit the board and slowly moved and rested on a spot on the board. I made eye contact with my brother backstage and he had a look on his face showing he believed in me.
I spun the board dropping the noodles to the ground I then grabbed the chalk and drew around the sauce and noodles that stuck to the board then drew my attention to the others that had fallen on the floor and drew an outline of that.
After it finished I threw the chalk in the crowd violently hitting an old lady in the face.
" Quickly I want a show of hands who thinks I'm a crazy guy "
Everyone raised their hands and I laughed to myself
I then went behind the board and laid it horizontally. I grabbed a small knife in my pocket and poked my finger with it. The crimson blood fell and hit the chalk and then as more and more blood hit the chalk it started glowing.
" you have got to be joking. "
I said out loud as it started to spark an orange glow and it slowly grew color to the rest of the chalk in orange sparks.
Once the symbol was fully sparking with orange the sauce began to swell and move around in a counterclockwise manner. I stepped away from it in shock as small parts of the blood in my finger began to float to the parts where it fell on the floor I drew my outlines on and started sparking those as well.
It started to smoke and hiss as if lightning could whisper and the orange began to take shape and the sauce made a doorway. The parts that were not on the board began to grow ice around them and started to make designs on the floor circling me and the board. Suddenly it grew in size and a large booming voice was heard through the portal as I felt panic of people start to set in.
A huge claw came out and scrapped the sides of my table trying to crawl out from the world it had been trapped in. Cold winds hit me as they cut my skin and threw around my clothes. As I saw the table was now melting from its touch.
A slimy green claw with mucus like a face-hugger egg from the movie Alien carved through the floor and pulled the rest of its body out slowly. A beast stood at 12 feet tall adjusting to our world as goop grew and shaped its body as people screamed, ran, and stood frozen in fear.
As it looked around it locked its spider-like eyes and swerled around coming out from the portal and twisting and turning around the body as it made its way to its head finding a place to rest. It then locked its eyes with me and its jaw twisted slowly from an ant-like maw to mine and slowly shrunk and it soon took the shape of me and knelt on the floor and spoke to me.
" master. "
I stood in shock as everyone seemed to calm down and watched to see what I would do.
"...umm "My family has always been of great minds. I hated it. Growing up and having to study day and night to try and live up to them was extremely exhausting when I couldn't care how things worked as long as I was happy. I gave up but somehow everything kept turning out to be true.
Over my lifetime I have become the Gorden Ramsey of the science world. Known for my temper and also for huge things like curing world hunger using play-doe and cancer with baby powder I got in a back street ally while drunk.
To get my family off my back I started making random ideas so they could see me as a failure and leave me alone but...they keep working. And soon people started to praise me. Fame has left me with nothing but more and more attention. So today I plan to make sure that everyone can just think I'm insane and leave me alone and not some king.
I chuckled like a kid who was opening a Christmas present as I heard the crowd of people chatting and talking loudly as I hid behind my stage in a grey tight suit that my sister had picked out. I sighed and was ready to walk out and make a fool out of myself but my brother stopped me.
" Jack... I just want you to know how proud I am of you. Dad would have loved to see you right now. "
I thought it was ironic because last night while chilling on the couch watching TV and eating chips I made this theory up. He dusted off my shoulders held them tight and looked me in the eyes taking in the moment.
" go give them hell man. "
He had a goofy smile just like Dad but spoke with confidence.
" you got it, man. "
I heard my name being called onto the stage and the uproar startled me for a second but I collected myself and headed out after giving him a nod just to entertain him.
The lights were blinding as I grabbed the mic and looked at the table in front of me with a small box with the ingredients I needed and a chalkboard behind me.
After I stood still for a minute the crowd died down. I had not told anyone what I was presenting so the whole world was watching without a clue of what I was doing this time.
"Hello everyone. Today I believe I have my most important presentation yet..."
The crowd grew silent and hung on every word. And I heard my voice around the room through the speakers.
" Today I have with me a box...and inside is spaghetti I had breakfast. "
The crowd laughed thinking it was a joke
" shut up "
The crowd grew silent once more
"Behind me is a chalkboard and I will now present my new findings to all of you...I have found out how to make portals to other worlds. "
A man in the far back of the audience yelled bullshit in a heavy Indian accent but he was so far it was a faint sound for me. I smiled at that thinking I had finally found something that would make me lose my title and I could go ahead and live a life without people making me feel like an evil man for not helping others.
I opened the box got a handful of the noodles and threw them at the chalkboard. I then grabbed a paper towel on standby to clean myself.
The noodles hit the board and slowly moved and rested on a spot on the board. I made eye contact with my brother backstage and he had a look on his face showing he believed in me.
I spun the board dropping the noodles to the ground I then grabbed the chalk and drew around the sauce and noodles that stuck to the board then drew my attention to the others that had fallen on the floor and drew an outline of that.
After it finished I threw the chalk in the crowd violently hitting an old lady in the face.
" Quickly I want a show of hands who thinks I'm a crazy guy "
Everyone raised their hands and I laughed to myself
I then went behind the board and laid it horizontally. I grabbed a small knife in my pocket and poked my finger with it. The crimson blood fell and hit the chalk and then as more and more blood hit the chalk it started glowing.
" you have got to be joking. "
I said out loud as it started to spark an orange glow and it slowly grew color to the rest of the chalk in orange sparks.
Once the symbol was fully sparking with orange the sauce began to swell and move around in a counterclockwise manner. I stepped away from it in shock as small parts of the blood in my finger began to float to the parts where it fell on the floor I drew my outlines on and started sparking those as well.
It started to smoke and hiss as if lightning could whisper and the orange began to take shape and the sauce made a doorway. The parts that were not on the board began to grow ice around them and started to make designs on the floor circling me and the board. Suddenly it grew in size and a large booming voice was heard through the portal as I felt panic of people start to set in.
A huge claw came out and scrapped the sides of my table trying to crawl out from the world it had been trapped in. Cold winds hit me as they cut my skin and threw around my clothes. As I saw the table was now melting from its touch.
A slimy green claw with mucus like a face-hugger egg from the movie Alien carved through the floor and pulled the rest of its body out slowly. A beast stood at 12 feet tall adjusting to our world as goop grew and shaped its body as people screamed, ran, and stood frozen in fear.
As it looked around it locked its spider-like eyes and swerled around coming out from the portal and twisting and turning around the body as it made its way to its head finding a place to rest. It then locked its eyes with me and its jaw twisted slowly from an ant-like maw to mine and slowly shrunk and it soon took the shape of me and knelt on the floor and spoke to me.
" master. "
I stood in shock as everyone seemed to calm down and watched to see what I would do.

"...umm "

Part two of the noodle demon.
Now that this creature knelt before me I realized that the room I was in was so terrible quietly you could hear everyone's ass get tight in anticipation of what would happen next.
" ...what...are you. "
I spoke carefully to the being that had taken the shape of myself. It still took my breath away and my throat was dry.
The beast was a deep green. The color mixed with shades of grey streaming from it. The longer I looked at it I could see it getting closer to what I looked like shaping itself.
From small flowing green tendrils to an arm they grew as they twisted and made bone then muscle and finally skin.
It locked eyes with me and it smiled deeply at me. As it formed the face finally.
" Your vassle. "
My eyes had not moved to the crowd at all but even though the lights hit the stage so hard it was enveloped in smoke.
The creature's eyes glowed as it answered brightly, not figuratively. This thing's eyes were glowing.
"To serve you, We are bound by blood magic. I am a reflection of your desires, Master, " it said, its voice now a whisper in my mind.
It began to stand up as my grey suit began to form on it and by the time it stood fully up it had copied what I looked like.
" let me explain everything. "
My body frozen in fear woke up with adrenaline as I blinked and a flash of green smoke covered my vision as he teleported right to me face to face.
Its body turned to smoke and went into the slits of my eyes. I felt visions follow me in my peripheral vision but surprisingly no pain followed power filled me and it felt like one hell of a drug.
My body and mind altered.
I was now in a very dark place with no walls or light except my reflection on the floor which waved like water.
I took a step back looking around and back to the reflection of me on the ground.
Soon the water rippled and my reflection fell through the floor like gravity was inverted. he flew upright and water fell off of him as he looked at me as he now stood straight ahead of me. He was just reflecting in the water but now eyed me down.
Collecting my nerves.
I begin to speak.
" what do you want..."
He was still in my form and stood perfectly straight. Now with water dripping from his...my hair.
Slight stubble with hair that hung down and my hazel eyes were not present within him but I was greeted with a swelling acidic green that doubled the size of my pupil.
" to serve you. "
He made no other movement than putting his hands behind his back like a soldier at ease.
I could not tell if it was lying or not.
" ...is that it? "
" I am the embodiment of your fear desires and brilliance. You have shaped me. Your desire for solitude birthed me. I will aid you in shaping the world how you see fit. Your reality becomes mine. "
There was a slight echo in the room as he spoke.
" wait...where are we "
I questioned haphazardly
" your mind. "
An awkward silence was in the air until I spoke
" so...am I just standing on the stage not making a sound? "
He gave me a concerned look.
" no...time has frozen outside for you. You may sleep here without having to in the real world so to others you look as if you never rest and you may think and plan what to do in battle here. For them, it will be about two seconds...Do...do you not have any knowledge of what I am? "
Suddenly I felt bad like I had encountered someone famous and I had no idea who they were. A slap in the face like a popular kid meeting someone who had never heard of them. Ego shattered.
" ok sorry no. I...don't go around reading about...monsters?"
I felt like was I saying the n-word of the demon realm not knowing if that word was offensive.
He folded his arms a little upset.
"Are you not a warrior? "
" well...no I...just watch TV and cook here and there- "
The demon cut me off
" weak. "
" excuse me? "
" look. I am an immortal being and after a while you get bored. So I'm sorry if I may be a little upset after being bonded with some nobody. "
I got quiet and I was a little annoyed that I was being roasted by some demon that I just met.
Its form wavers and eyes begin to open on its skin. Cheeks forhead etc.
"After being a god for so long it's fun to play with limitations. Makes things extremely exciting. "
" what do you mean by that? "
" look. You can only be so entertained by the same things. Life gets boring and now...you are going to help me with this. I get to have pure entertainment while you get every wish you could ever want. A mutual bond no? "
He then closed his eyes annoyed and the other eyes meshed back to his skin.
" though... the TV is not that interesting...life is what gets the blood pumping"
I felt the need to quickly change the topic
"Are there others like you? "
The room began to take shape very slowly as the water floor turned to wood and walls went around us.
" of course. You may meet them one day "
Confused and curious I pressed.
"Meet them? "
" yes. Summoning one of us is considered a threat to them. "
He spoke while opening and closing his newly found hand except backward.
" hm...no that don't look right "
I quickly responded
" Wait! How is doing that a threat! "
"Well, one doesn't just accidentally Summon one of us to suddenly get powers beyond human control. "
I thought back to how I summoned him by accident with some food I made.
" well...funny story but I summoned you using my breakfast..."
I had never regretted speaking so much as in that moment.
" What... "
Acid dripped from his words. Literally. His pupils split in half and his bottom jaw ripped open like an ant and curved giving sharpness to the bone.
"Please don't kill me. "
The room began to look like a cozy cabin with a fireplace and he slowly went back to normal.
" I would if I could. I've never felt so disrespected. We are bonded by your blood. If you die...I die. "
Suddenly I felt at ease by this new information.
Then a thought came to my mind
" ...God's can die? "
" you did hear me, right? "
The SAS from this guy was unneeded and I was starting to miss him being on his knees as weird as that sounds.
" so...all that power gone.... in an instant... "
" well...no actually God's powers don't just disappear they transfer to whoever killed them...wait...hold up."
He suddenly had an epiphany.
A smile grew on his face and he grabbed my shoulders
" you! You are going to help me kill the other gods! "
He sounded proud but I let him down.
" ha! No. "
" oh come on! Don't be like that. "
He did a pout.
"Look, man. I'm not killing gods for you. Just because you are bored. "
" hey...they might send people to kill you because you bonded with me. "
"What did I ever do to them? "
"They have a system to this stuff. They like to build and watch things play out. You're a problem. That can mess it up. So...they kill ya...to be honest, I don't know any other way to explain it, man. You know people normally just use my power to kill people and become a king and know this already. "
"This is outrageous. "
" bro. Look if you do this I will be able to get their powers and you will be able to do so much more than what I offer "
I tilted my head
" what can you do? Know what never mind. I will just talk to them and figure things out. "
He groaned and his form melted down sagging and it shot back up reforming
"Is there not anything that you want? Anything in the world? Gods don't put themselves in physical forms. They give people power and can make beings to hunt you. And if they care enough to come down themself. Ha, good luck."
I stopped and thought about it trying to weigh the options of pissing off higher beings.
Suddenly. I found something.
"Can you bring back the dead..."
He stopped confused.
" well...no "
" then I don't want anything "
" wait! "
He threw his arms out pleading
"I don't...but another God does..."
He crosses his arms smiling. He had left the question hanging letting me reconsider his offer.
I stopped and thought for a while before looking back up to him.
I let out a sigh and looked him in the eyes
" ok...you are going to help me get my father back. "
The demon smirked.

Bright illuminescant flashes bolted through the dark-lit sky, rushing and raging through clouds seemingly made of gossamer and finely woven felt. You could almost reach out and touch them if not for the raging storm ripping and hollering. It shone and splintered along the sky, splitting into a thousand arcs, each converging and convexing along the stars. Electrical currents spun like lavender spider webs along a farmhouse wall. The arcs traveled, painting a vibrant tapestry along its wake before reaching their climax and releasing a wicked KRAK as the lights slowly faded.
The gossamer clouds wept tears of dull acidic rain that fell, cascading downwards. Down to the swampy fetid fields below. Their droplets splashed and sizzled against the sand, slowly fizzing before hardening into a thin velvet glass before beginning all over again. A sad display of god’s fury laid bare and plain for all to see. The rain had begun just a week prior, but its assault had persisted in a constant pattern ever since. The swamp ached and squirmed in an agonizing way as the rain melted away any sign of basic life.
Puddles of the acidic deluge collected along a road leading to the once fertile silver mine, just three miles from the town of Crestfall. Near the edge of the road, a fork splits off into multiple directions. South of the fork leads to the entrance of Deep Rock Mine. The mine’s entrance stands agape, resting at the base of a mountain. The mine’s layout, a cavern of crisscrossing and haphazardly formed tunnels, awaited past the thick darkness entrapping the entrance. They curve and wind up the spine of the mountain, as well as descend deep into the now dead earth.
The face of the mountain was bare but rough. Rocks jutted and sloped along its curvature, forming a near mesmeric pattern of spiked granite. Towards the peak, a malicious and not all entirely natural pattern emerged. As the acidic rain fell, framing the mountainous backdrop, the pattern watched and waited. An almost human-like visage stretched along the face of the mountain like canvas pulled over a wooden frame. It’s design scorn into the rock itself as if meticulously laid out to warn any who dared breach the confines of the swamp.
Silence lingered amongst the misty atmospheric dredge, save for the muffled and subtle ambietic sounds of the rain. Through the dead foliage and gnarled remains of creatures recently passed, a sound rang forth. Distant exclamation and reverberated clanging rhythmically sounded from deep within the mine. Up and down the mine laid stalactites and stalagmites haphazardly stationed around every corner. Their abrupt positioning cast shadows wherever light felt unable to reach. The mine walls were smooth from years of work and toilage, along with the long uninterrupted tunnels, created an almost echo chamber for sound.
Abrupt crashes and distant thrashes echoed through the winding chamber. Its sounds detailed a fierce battle between clashing swords and fervent blows.
Or so it would seem.
A sword, emblazoned with the sigil of a raven, flew across the dimly lit room. Its body crashes and clings as it skips along the floor, its blade slashing and carving thin lines into the granite flooring as it makes contact with the ground. A fierce shadow sprawls along the cave walls, depicting a struggle between foes.
The wanderer-and recent owner of the raven crested blade-crashes to the floor. Leather straps firmly tied around his shoulder blades catch most of the weight of the fall, but pain still echoed through his nerves.
“Hells! You slimy bastard!” The wanderer winces and yells in a blinded fury. “You don’t play fair, and here I thought we were having a nice sport of it.”
No reply immediately came from his opponent, still standing off near a downed torch. Flame wisped and flicked along the ground, casting shadows and dreaded omens as if they were ripped directly from a child’s nightmare.
At once, the foe stepped forward. The shadows sprawled across the walls painted a disturbing picture of horror and grotesque form. Imaginative figures born from shadows were always so much more terrible than the beings that cast them, but in this case it was clearly the other way around. The foe opposite The Wanderer lurched forward, it's body a gnarled vestige of exoskeleton and mandibles. It almost resembled a large insect, like a praying mantis that decided its evolutionary cycle had not quite finished yet.
On multi-socketed legs, it snapped and convulsed along. Every movement of its body felt agonizing, as if the creature was hastily thrown together by a quite absent god. Various olive and violet fluids oozed and dripped from its husk like body as it vocalized terrible sounds. The creature-seemingly unable to speak-produced noises from its mouth that resembled a mix of gargles and marbles being tossed along a wooden floor. All the while, its grotesque pincer like appendage snapped and clicked almost involuntarily.
The wanderer-still recovering from his fall-slowly pushed his body along the cold rocky ground, his arm still pulsing with pain.
“Oh my, what big mouths you have.” The wanderer teased sounding much more worried than he intended. ‘Always good to keep in control of the situation. Confidence is key.’ As he was always want to say, but this wasn’t an ordinary situation.
His arm traced along the ground, reaching and prodding for his recently lost weapon. Daring not look away from the oncoming threat, he felt nothing. His sword was currently resting near the opposite side of the cave room, resting flat along the ground. Away from The Wanderer’s grasp, far away from being of any further use here it seemed.
Doubt surged through his mind, but only for a short time. ‘Doubt breeds more doubt, and further doubt breeds ruin’, another favorite.
Clenched palms moved along the granite flooring. Leather gloves scraped and bruised as The Wanderer lifted back to his feet, regaining balance and fervor. The arm that had broken his fall felt numb and altogether absent.
‘Dislocated most likely, not a big enough fall to break.’
The insect-like foe-still closing the distance between them-snapped and gurgled in an almost territorial display of aggression.
The Wanderer grinned, placing his uninjured arm against its opposite’s elbow, before violently, yet methodically, pushing it upwards. A clear snap, followed by a dull pop echoed through the room. Feeling began pouring back into his arm as the vibrating itch of numbness faded. Both arms began to raise, fists clenched, the leather gloves creased and squelched from the sheer pressure as his hands formed tightly wounded fists. Fists pointed squarely towards the all not entirely normal creature still gurgling and jerking along the shadow filled room.
“Oh...” The Wanderer began. “I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t enjoy every second of this.” His fists raised up, reaching level with the bridge of his nose. “Come one now, give us yer best.”
As if understanding -and altogether disliking- the series of vulgar remarks thrusted toward it, the creature squealed through its deformed face. The jerking motion its movement seemed to have before was replaced with a fluid dash as it quickly closed the distance between the two adversaries. Arms outstretched as its gnarled and jagged hands opened and closed with violent snaps and twinges. Reaching out, grasping the air between them. The gap closed quickly, much quicker than he anticipated, but not enough to catch him entirely off guard as he shifts weight from right the left. The slender frame of his body flanking to the side of the creature.
Shadows arched and flailed with each movement, creating a strange optical illusion across the cave walls. The subtle shifting wind and osculation of the two fighters created an almost mural of events through the flames. Clashing swords, trumpeting horns and creatures that rivaled the tallest spires in Etheral began to converge into an unrecognizable painting of events. The fire loomed, gazing at the creature, at The Wanderer. Its gaze almost purposeful and full of intent. Neither the two beings made any note of the grand display unfolding around them. Fire is known to be a harsh mentor, and an even harsher ally. If one was to wander too deeply into its wounding gaze, one might find themselves trapped, forever living in the tapestry it painted.
The creature was fast, but nowhere as fast as him. Once useless, now repaired, the dislocated arm wrapped between the creatures glistening forearm, interlocking before weight shifted again. The creature stalled as if to reorient itself to face the man, but its movements were not its own. Quickly and deftly, The Wanderer placed immense weight on his forward foot, counterbalancing against the creature as their locked arms rotated and shifted sideways. Arching forward, the shift in balance quickly broke as the creature began to lift in the air as The Wanderer’s rear leg lifted to relegate pressure onward. Flailing and spewing its noxious fluid, the creature flipped entirely, finally crashing to the floor in a savage crunch. The Wanderer stands above, looking downward as it convulses in a fit of pain (could it even quantify pain) and anger.
A greyish foul-smelling slime coated The Wanderer’s chest and forearm. Small indentions formed along the hard leather surface of his jacket, most likely from the not entirely cosmetic spikes embedded into the creature.
“Alright, now I’d say we’re fairly close to a draw here.” The Wanderer began. “How’s say we handle the rest with a bit more diplomacy and grace? No point and making a bigger stink than we already got, but telling by the state of yourself, I’d say you know all about stink.”
The maddening gurgle of the creature slowed as its body began to calm. Its arms moving outward, sprawling along the hard granite rock as its legs raise along with the rest of it. Wet dew drips along the ground, rippling and casting weird reflections from all directions as the creature steps slowly along their puddles. Slow anxious steps it takes. Its demeanor changes from a wild and disturbed animal to a more methodic and wary being. Eyes of bluish gray sink into its head, pupils moving slowly, analyzing and taking in information. It stands straight, back locked into an opposing stance. God it was big. The man couldn’t much get a good measurement before with its body slouched over in a hermit like stance. It must be at least seven feet tall, equally proportioned from its legs to its torso. The head was rounded, almost human, with its bug-like mandibles protruding in a horrific fashion.
The Wanderer had dealt with creatures before. Along his travels he had come across a litany of monstrous beings; Wargs, Secrolants, Jittering Fiends, Goblins, Spiderlings. None of them quite matched the state of this one. Although he had heard of such beings, none had crossed paths before. The way it moved, the way it thought, it all was abnormal. It's quite simple to take a beast down, some you anger and gain the advantage, some you outsmart, others you can simply scare away. But this one.... oh, he was a different breed entirely. The way its mood could change mid-fight, or how it seemingly understood what was being said. And the way it stared. Thoughts were jutting along in the bug brain of its, and when monsters start thinking, all strategy and preparation goes out the window. Unpredictable is what they become, and prediction was The Wanderer’s bread and butter.
Wary now he waits, staring back at the creature. Locked eyes, they waited. Eyes filled with thought, filled with understanding and reasoning -but most egregiously- they were filled with malice. The fight was not over, they had just reached half-time.
“Let it not be stated that I did not strive for peace and harmony at every turn.” The Wanderer quipped, his hand raised once more, ready for another assault.
A flame flickers, casting shadows once again. Shadows of a man holding wolves at bay, hands outstretched to create a distance between them. The wolves circled and plotted, looking for weakness at every tune, but finding none. Leaves fell, becoming ash as they reached the ground. A fire spreads amongst the ash laden floor, consuming the visage, the man, the wolves. All in consumed in an immense concentrated heat, until the shadows fade to nothingness once more.
The creature meanders onward, just a few steps at a time; looking on as The Wanderer holds his footing, fists raised and ready. Each step of its hard glistening exoskeleton crunches against small rocks and debris sprawled along the cave floor, knocking them aside, producing echoed wails that seemingly bounced from surface to surface. After the third step it abruptly launches at the man, arms outstretched once more in a fit of animalistic fury. Thought seemingly left its eyes as they glazed over into a dull grey, the feeling and reasoning sinking further and further to the back of its mind. The Wanderer grinned, his stance loosening as the soles of his feet began to trace an outline of movement, preparing and readying for a counteroffensive. As its dripping breached the outline, The Wanderer shifted his weight once more, quickly flanking the creature to the side once again, but something was off. His eyes traced the movements of its body, of its arms, of its legs. The animosity in them seemed to almost shift mid attack, becoming lucid and methodical. As if the creature was dancing along with him. Even tracing down to the ground, the footing was wrong. Not his footing. He was always perfect. The dance was memorized, trained, honed to a sharp edge. No, it was the creature’s.
Abruptly the creature’s body shifted, its legs tracing backwards, its torso shifting to the side. A corrective action, a counterattack to his counterattack. Shadows of the pair danced along the cave wall, depicting a wickedly abstract waltz. The creature’s arm whipped outward, its claws barreling towards the thin leather separation between his elbow and forearm. God, it was fast. Faster than The Wanderer. Rip, flash, a bright light, then the crashing of feet as the two returned to their original standing.
It all happened so fast. Faster than he could articulate. He was used to speed, used to tracking and understanding battle situations, creating countermeasures, analyzing the most likely move and executing it within a fraction of a second. All of that was done, but it was all wrong. The creature moved in peculiar fashion, acted as if it were moving on instinct while simultaneously acting with thought and strategy. How could it possibly go both ways?
As he thought, mouth slightly open, breath pouring between his lips in a hot and heavy fashion, he hardly thought of anything else. They had made contact, but there was no feeling. Checking for wounds mid-encounter was generally out of the question with beasts. Often, they gave little time for thought or first aid, but the creature stood and waited. The dull grey look in its eyes were gone again, replaced with the methodical gaze of a strategist analyzing a battlefield. The Wanderer lowered his right arm and traced it along the path of his elbow, reaching his shoulder before he felt it. A definite gash traced about two inches wide, the depth of it couldn’t be guessed, but it had breached the leather. As his hand returned to a fist, warm fresh blood dripped between the fingers, falling and coagulating against the dust and pebbles along the ground. He had indeed been injured, but there was no feeling to it. All felt well, and that’s precisely why all was, in fact, not well.
“You’re a strange one. Not quite like anything I’ve seen before, but I’ll get to know you real well soon enough.”
His eyes moved from the creature, scanning along the ground. Before when this was a simple clean-up, a weapon would be handy, but hardly required of someone with his skills, but this was anything but simple. Parameters had changed, he’d very much like his sword back now.
It was nowhere to be seen initially. The room was dark, with little else than a soft glow from the fallen torch illuminating a small area and casting shadows that obscured others. Then it appeared. Near the feet of the creature, the raven crested blade sat where it had since the beginning of this strange dual. Thoughts echoed along in his head, casting suspicions and doubt in every facet of the encounter. Things were not as they appeared.
A slight grin crept along his face again, before quickly subsiding. “Think I have enough time for one more go of it. Care to lead?”
The creature stood, watching and plotting before the dull grey of its eyes appeared once again, launching it into another fury. It lunged, arms outstretched again, running full speed to the man. He simply stood, his hands loosening from tightly wound fists of rock to loosely packed fists of snow. His palms opened slightly; his footing loosened as the heels of his feet digging into the hard rocky floor. They began to move slightly, tracing a straight horizontal line where he stood as he slowly began to back away. The creature, still in a frenzy, closes the distance fast. Seemingly faster than any previous assault as The Wanderer ceased his slow backing retreat, his feet returning to a strong stance, soles digging deep into the earth. He takes in a breath, his heartrate slowing. The light sounds of the cave begin to grow, becoming more apparent and concentrated. Small droplets of dew falling from the ceiling, wind softly blowing along, echoing through the harrowed halls and the flickering of a flame slowly speaking its ancient language. They all converged, mirroring themselves as The Wanderer’s eyes closed. Time seemed to slow as the creature came closer, its steps further apart, its maddening gurgling seemingly floating away. It stepped, stepped and stepped along the ground, pushing pebbles and dust without thought.
Finally, it reached the line carved into the rock. Its foot crunched, making contact with the earth, and in an instant its eyes reverted again. The grey dullness seeping away to its methodically stategistic norm. In that instant, The Wanderers eyes erupted open. The chittering thing’s arms stretch out for his neck, hoping to seize his artery with its horrific claws. Quickly, quicker than anything that day, The Wanderer moved in a fast range of motions that all seemingly happened at once. His weight once again shifted, flanking the creature. His arms locked into a position of counterattack. The creature quickly issued its own countermeasure, once again whipping its body and throwing its claw outward, aiming higher than before, aiming for his neck.
A flame moved. Shadows formed along the walls once more, although they showed a different scene. A scene depicting two swordsman locked in deathly combat. Their swords swinging violently but with grace and purpose. They clashed a thousand times. Each time sending a spray of bright sparks that swelled through the air creating intricate patterns that lingered before slowly fading.
The creature was stuck, unable to move, unable to continue its assault and unable to return to its desired location. The Wanderer's palm grasped the creature's wrist tightly, locking it into a hold. The grey of the creature’s eyes were completely gone now as its pupils darted around in panic. His hand arched forward, his foot kicking –what would assumedly be- the creature’s calf, buckling its knees and forcing it to the ground. Cracking and popping erupted from the joints of its arm as his grip tightened. It’s gurgling became sporadic, as if pleading to be set free. He simply watched it, once against studying its behavior, its patterns, its mannerisms.
“You really are special. Not like anything in the world I imagine, but what makes you so special.” The Wanderer clenched his hold tighter, the creature falls lower, its face pushing into the cold rock. “You were playing a game, weren’t you? You understand what I’m saying too, and that I can assure you is indeed something special. Predicting my movements, using the techniques against me. You weren’t just fighting for a meal. You were learning, weren’t you?”
The creature clicked and gurgled, chittering against the ground as the hard surface of its arm began to crack.
“Now, I’m not opposed to teaching if I aim to gain something from it, but what I won’t abide is being played with. Now...” He plants his foot against the back of the creature's neck, both arms holding its locked appendage in a pulling motion. “I think I deserve to know a little more about you my foul-smelling friend, and if I’m right up until this point, you outta know exactly what I’m saying. I also assume you know a threat when you hear one. So...” His grip tightens, his leather boot slowly crunched against the creature’s skull. “Tell me what you are, and where you learned to be so damn special.”
The creature’s eyes widen, the dull grey returning, filling its retinas as it begins to violently convulse. A shrill screech fills the room, echoing along the walls, traveling through the twisting and winding tunnels of the long-forgotten mine. Shadows creep along the cave walls once more, scattering and convulsing, twisting into horrid and unimaginable shapes. Creatures that belong to fables and horror tales begin flooding along the shapes as the flame whips and crackles. The torch quickly combusts, the flames turning a sharp blackish violet. Heat bellows from the waves of ember emitting from the now monumental display of hellfire as the shadows multiply, taking over every inch of coverage. The Wanderer’s ears tremble at the immense noise, his vision begins to weaken as the shrill echo reaches a climactic crescendo. Any more of this and it’s all over, lights out.
He looks downward to the creature, its mind warped with whatever dark arts influenced it. His grip tightens as his foot presses firmly against the back of its head. Slow crunching and cracking sounds begin to intermingle with the terrible sounds of its cry. As the boot came down, harder and harder, the creature’s terrible screech began to thin and grow in pitch, like the air being slowly released from a balloon. Then, a horrendous snap before the head was no more. Violet and green brain matter covered the area around its neck as small fragments of skull of tissue caked along the sides of his boots. All at once the cry stopped, and along with it the room slowly began to darken. The flame began to slowly dwindle back to its original size, its color returning to a soft orange glow.
The Wanderer stepped back; his eyes firmly planted on the now deceased creature lying before him. A pool of its blood slowly trickled along the floor, reaching for his sword. Slowly, his body lumbered to the lost blade. Its handle was wrapped in scaled pitch blade leather, its blade a vibrant silver, still glistening with oil. The visage of a raven prominently scorn into the finish of the blade itself. Before the foul-smelling blood reaches the blade, the man slowly leans down to collect it. His body ached, his arms felt heavy and as the world around him began to dim, he retrieved the blade. Weighing it in his hand he felt secure, like a lost piece of him was restored with its retrieval. It felt so much heavier than before, or maybe he had just been weakened from the encounter. He gazed down upon it, his hand clenched hard around the dark leather handle. A dark fluid began to pool around his hand, streaming softly down from his arm.
The Wanderer turned his arm over, now looking at the wound he had taken from the creature’s first counterattack. It didn’t seem very bad, or at least not as bad as previous wounds he’d sustained, but the bleeding was alarming. It streamed softly, almost without notice. The blood itself was dark as well, as if it had already begun coagulation. A strange wound. A worrying wound. Suddenly his head became light, the room began to dim, and the walls started to blur. No, everything about this was wrong.
In the strange lucid state he was left in, he almost didn’t notice the changes around him. A quite fell over the room, the flickering flame seemed to even quite down to a faint whisper. A soft noise crept along the ground. Soft tapping, the sound of pebbles and rock being pushed aside, dust parting between single soft strides. The pain in his head grew louder, his heartbeat thumping from his chest to his forearm, ending finally against his forehead.
What is happening to me?
As if to answer, a rapid movement jostled him back to reality as he quickly turned, sword still gripped tightly in hand. A quick flash of movement rushed towards him, its motioned and sounds all too familiar to him. As nimbly as he can muster, he raises his blade outward in an attempt to impale the newfound enemy now barreling towards him, but a twinge of searing pain in his shoulder halts the attack. All he manages is a defensive stance, sword raised, arm placed behind the blade to prepare for impact as the creature crashes into him.
They both fall, splashing into the violet puddle of dank smelling blood that has pooled along the cave floor. A creature –almost identical to the one lying dead beside him- lies atop the blade protecting his body. Its arms crash against the leather bracers protecting his soft flesh. Claws come crashing down, scrapping against leather, making large slashes in them but not enough to break fully through the thick coating. Slime and mucus drip down from its maw, coating The Wanderer’s arms and neck. His arms are placed defensively against the side end of the blade, separating the two, but he can feel himself weakening further and further. Rough outlines of the creature emerge through blurred vision. Heat travels along his arm and forehead, casting confusion and sweat to pour over his body.
What the hell is happening!?
Suddenly, the creature lunges its head down, breaching the space between the blade and The Wanderer’s neck. Its snapping pincer like mandible opening and shutting in rapid and rabid bites. Before it has a chance to make contact, The Wanderer frees one of his trapped hands and grapples the creature’s head. With strength slowly fading from his body, he fruitlessly pushed back the creature's disgusting face. With every inch he pushes, the creature seemingly gains two. A battle of attrition begins. Snapping, clawing, drooling the creature continues its unending assault. Reach for the soft part of his neck in hopes of ending the encounter in a single bite. Just one slip, and its lights out. Forgotten and left to be fed on to a host of disgusting bugs. The thought rips through his mind, his veins fill with hot fire, his muscles contract creating energy that wasn’t there before. He pushes hard against the creature’s head, pushing it past the breach in the sword until his arm reaches full length.
The energy’s fading, the small window of opportunity’s closing, and for once in his miserable life, he can’t think of a thing to do. The hand not grappling with the creatures head pulls free from the back of the sword. His fingers slowly begin moving, drawing a pattern in the air. Faint lines form, like strokes from a dry paintbrush. Lines sparkle and faintly crackle with weak power, power being sapped away. The pattern is rough and unfinished, its edges not straight, its lines fumbling. The feeling in his fingers is weak. Strength fading, the pattern breaks as his hand twitches before returning to the blade. Fire begins erupting from the torch again, the strange violet flame re-emerges and casts strange shadows once again along the cave walls. Shadows depicting men falling in the thousands, figures standing above them. A strange light emits from the wrecked battlefield as the dominant figures rise, floating above, breaching unending clouds and sending a cleansing fire downward. Fire spreads along the walls, engulfing the shadows, casting them far away as it shrieks and flickers violently. The Wanderer’s vision begins to fade. The world around begins to dull. Rocky walls, granite floors, the creature all fade, losing color and becoming shadows themselves. Heat wells in his head, as tears stream down his cheek.
I can’t.
Shadows slowly engulf him as the energy drains from his arms.
I won’t
The creature’s face inches closer and closer to its target.
This is where it ends.
The fire erupts, banishing the shadows away once more, filling the room with soft orange light as the creature lunges uninterrupted at its prize.
Then nothing. The pain of stabbing pincers ripping along his throat never occurs. Instead, a loud CLAP echoes along the walls. It’s deafening and almost endless, but it's over in an instant. A river of fluid splashes along The Wanderer’s face and body. It’s warm and thick like syrup but smells like rotten apple cores. For a moment, he contemplates if this is death. A strange death, and a strange place to end up, but who’s to know. Before long his eyes opened. The creature that stood hunched over him was still there, but its head was entirely missing. Fragments of skull and viscera lined the walls and floor around him as the creature stood cold, dead. Seemingly out of nowhere, its head just seemed to explode.
“Did...” The Wanderer began quizzically. “Did I do that?”
Before an answer could be given, a shuffle could be heard across the room, hidden against the far wall deep within the dark. Slowly The Wanderer rose, knocking the deceased creature away from him, the feeling and strength slowly returning to his body. He stared off to the dark corner, waiting in vain for his eyes to adjust to the dark. They didn’t. Bending down, he grasped his sword in one hand, and what remained of the faint torch in the other as he cautiously meandered to the muffled sound coming from the dark corner.
“Gods, if it’s one more of these disgusting fucking things, I’m straight gone.”
Slowly, the image of a man appears. He almost seemed affixed to the wall due to some form of slightly translucent webbing sprawled across his body. His feet were a few inches raised from the floor as he hung limply against the wall. A thin layer of the same substance covered his mouth as he muffled violently to The Wanderer, his eyes red and spread as wide as they could go. Near the middle of the webbing his right hand was tightly bound, unable to move. On the other side, it seemed he was able to shake loose enough to free it. A silver revolver with gold carved inlays held tightly between his fingers. Faint trails of smoke emanated from the pistol’s barrel. The smell of spent gunpowder lingered In the air, a smell The Wanderer had memorized.
The Wanderer looked puzzlingly at the man stuck to the wall, before a spark of remembrance and realization came to life in his eyes. Sweat beaded down the side of his head, slowing before soaking into his shirt collar. That chance encounter had taken its toll, and had gone on for longer than he thought, longer than he had hoped.
“Hells man, I had forgotten entirely of you. Why not speak up next time?”
The stuck man convulsed in a fit of annoyance and fury as The Wanderer laughed heartily.

I randomly got very sick a few years ago. I am not sure of the cause, but I believe it may have been COVID, which I believe unfortunately spurred on a pretty severe autoimmune/inflammatory reaction. It came on very sudden, first with brain fog, then a dull pressure headache, and then muscle twitching, what felt like a fever, neuropathy on the left side of my body (It began in my face and went downwards, used to affect both sides but only the left side now), ear ringing, throbbing headaches, upper body burning pain, dizziness, memory issues, neck stiffness, sinus inflammation that caused watery mucus, and other issues. I remember one day about a month into my issues, I had an extreme warmness in my face and nearly constant ear ringing on and off. It was the strangest thing.
I was able to see a PCP about a month into my issues. My PCP did not seem to consider my issues of an urgent nature, even with sudden neuropathy, memory loss, dizziness, etc. I had a CT scan of my brain 3 months after initial illness which showed mild volume loss and possible encephalomalacia.
It took me a year to finally see a neurologist for it due to waiting times. The first one I saw was dismissive and literally told me to "wait it out" and see if I got better (I didn't). The second one I saw, and saw the longest, didn't even see me personally the first time, and had his nurse look at me instead, and did really nothing for my issues save for trying a very small dosage of Gabapentin for a few months as well as vitamin supplements, which I stopped taking due to it not doing anything for me. The third one I saw for a second opinion of the second one told me "I don't know what's causing your symptoms" and just left it at that. I saw a rheumatologist in 2022 who also didn't do anything for my neuropathy, just more blood work testing.
I recently found out the second neurologist I saw who I saw for years was successfully sued for malpractice while I saw him, but in another state. I believe he does telehealth neurology. He was sued in Georgia and settled for 175,000 dollars in late 2022. I had been seeing him since late 2021, and last saw him in person in late 2023 where he blamed my issues on "stress" and left it at that.
I told numerous doctors/specialists about chronic body inflammation feelings, such as intense upper body burning, head pressure, dizziness/vertigo, memory issues, neuropathy, etc. and they have never ordered a spinal tap to see if there was something in the CSF causing the chronic feeling. I have had brain MRIs that showed possible idiopathic intracranial hypertension with mild CSF buildup in the optic nerve and a partially empty sella turcica, but again, no spinal tap was ordered because my eye exam by a neuro-ophthalmologist was clean and showed no swelling. My brain MRIs also showed volume loss possibly caused by encephalomalacia, again, no spinal tap done.
I've had blood work for lupus and celiac that was negative, and an ANA rating that was barely positive. Normal rheumatoid factor and negative for Sjogren's as well. I just checked and I believe I am negative for vasculitis as well, Antineutrophil cytoplasmic antibody test was negative looking back at my testing in 2022. I also had a sinus CT scan a year into my issues that showed mild sinusitis. I am not diabetic but I was pre-diabetic when this began. Glucose testing has been normal, cholesterol is fine, lipids are fine. B12 is normal, but vitamin D is low.
It has been almost 3 years now and I still have neuropathy in certain parts of the left side of my body (mainly my face and genitals, I'm male and was born male) and again, nothing was done for me regarding a spinal tap, which is the only test outside of a PET scan that I haven't done which could be helpful for me as far as I know. I saw that third neurologist for a second opinion, and all he did was say maybe to get a spinal tap if I have chronic headaches, but other than that, like I said, he said outright he didn't know what was causing my symptoms.
I cannot work with how I feel, and it feels like neurologists and doctors in general left me to rot and deal with the chronic issues on my own, and now I'm going to be stuck with long-term, permanent issues such as nerve damage in my face and genitals because no doctor cares. I have ED and anorgasmia now along with the neuropathy that affects my genital area. It's just on the left side for some reason. It used to be tingling/burning on the left side of my genital area and face and now is reduced sensitivity issues. In 2021 I had a very sharp pain on the left side of my penis when I touched the right side of it, it was very scary and made me believe the nerve may have died, but that went away with very slow improvement, but that side is still not back to normal.
I still sometimes have dizziness and headaches, for instance, if I'm in a car and I watch the cars speed by us at an intersection, I'll feel sort of dizzy. It's not as bad as it was, but it's still not normal to feel like that, and no doctor has done anything for that or suggested it.
Am I wrong to think a spinal tap should have been ordered? Is there any reason they didn't, even after I asked? 0 out of the 3 neurologists I've seen in the past three years or so recommended one, so I did try getting second and even third opinions. The first neurologist genuinely just brushed me off, he didn't even order any testing. Just sent me on my way without a follow up appointment after saying to "wait it out".
I live in America and am on my state's Medicaid. I recently switched PCPs (my previous one was condescending and didn't seem interested in my issues) and the new PCP referred me to a new neurologist I'm going to see later this year, but it just feels at this point all they can do is assess the damage and not fix it due to it being so long since I got sick and my issues never really totally fixing itself.
I had an MRA of my head last month that was clean thankfully, so I think I didn't have a hemorrhagic stroke or some sort of blood vessel damage in my arteries. I saw a neurosurgeon about two weeks ago that I last saw in 2021 who still believes my cerebral atrophy (which I'm guessing is the volume loss likely caused by encephalomalacia) is abnormal for my age (mid-20s). The neurosurgeon's notes say my current neurologist believes I may have small fiber neuropathy as well as a cognitive disorder, but he has not prescribed a single thing since the low dosage of Gabapentin over two years ago.
The only real testing I have left is neuropsychological testing which will be a few hours. I am 90% positive that my issues are from something, likely a virus, causing severe chronic inflammation all over my body including my head. I was never in the past 3.5 years given anything to treat that inflammation.
I recently saw a new neurologist which is my 4th neurologist since 2021. He seemed genuinely interested in what had happened to me and found the symptoms frustrating because of how vague they were/are, but it was in a "I wish i knew so I could help you" way, which I've never seen with a previous doctor I've seen. He said a spinal tap in 2021 may have been useful but didn't think it was essential testing for my issues, said he might have tried Prednisone for a couple of weeks to see if it helped with inflammation, but that was it. He said since I'm still seeing very slow improvement, my nerves may still heal, but is that true, even this late into it? I feel the previous neurologists I saw didn't care at all, and I finally found one that does, but it's too late to make a difference. He said trying B12 supplements and Cymbalta might help. He wants me to get a lumbar MRI to see why I have nerve issues in my genital area. He didn't think I had GBS/AIDP or something like that either, but he did think a viral cause could be possible. He was all I could ask for a specialist like this, but again, seems too late to matter. I just don't know what to do.
TL;DR: Got very sick years ago, told doctors of body weakness and pain, what felt like inflammation in my body, nerve damage, memory issues, etc. was not given any real treatment for what was still occurring in my body, which seemed to be chronic severe inflammation going on. If I get told I have permanent nerve damage/brain damage that was most likely from what I believe it to be, what would constitute the doctors I saw falling below the acceptable standard of care? Does anything in my story so far seem like negligence from doctors?
Please feel free to ask questions, and apologies for the length of my post.

Nature of Humanity Ch 66
A Rose by Any Other Name, Part 15
A Fanfic of u/SpacePaladin15’s work “The Nature of Predators.” Thank you for the story!
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Memory transcription subject: Talen, Prime News Anchor
Date [standardized human time]: November 3rd, 2136
Hospital lights are infamous for being bright to the point of inducing migraines and eye fatigue. This is, of course, done for a ‘good’ reason. To discourage Predators from attacking hospitals for an easy meal. It’s common knowledge a predator will attack the weak, sick, and injured before attacking someone that can actually fight back. It surprised me when I learned this was one of the few ‘facts’ the Federation actually had, mostly, right.
Unfortunately, in practice all these lights have ever really done is attract bugs and the Arxur. Like a neon side at an all-you-can-eat salad bar, the power draw alone was a beacon for raids. This has led to many people choosing to suffer in silence rather than be admitted to a hospital.
My mind flashed to the angry Texan ranting about the poor quality of life we awarded to those less fortunate than ourselves. Thoughts of the older woman who confessed to us that her husband had been shot and left as a sacrifice to Human soldiers made me wonder if these hospitals were actually built to serve… another purpose. To act as a distraction, so the Federation can evacuate those they actually value.
I glanced at the doctor and nurse leaving Rose's room. My application to be her guardian was… weak at best, and still under UN review. Most likely they wouldn't provide me any information beyond just whether I could see her or not.
One of the Venlil doctors looked tear-struck as he gave one last glance back into Rose’s room. He quickly perked himself up or at least put the facade on as he walked over to the waiting room. He scanned the human faces in here as he asked, “McDermott? Talen McDermott?”
The sudden addition to my name caught me off guard to the point I just sat in stunned silence. After a moment of looking around he asked again, before looking at his notes with a confused look on his face. Before he left, I gently raised my paw into the air, “My name is Talen. Just Talen. I applied for guardianship over Rose McDermott. It's still in review…”
He cocked his head to the side for a moment before his assumptions finally broke, “Ah! My apologies. If you would, please come with me, sir.”
The doctor led me to his office and offered me a seat. As he started to type on his computer, he flicked an ear to the screen facing me as a QR code came up. As my pad downloaded the data packet, he began to explain, “Alright, so as you are aware Rose has been through… some traumatic events. Both physical and mental.”
I started to look through the data as he carried on, “To start with, she clawed out most of her eyes. The nerves at the back of the eye were mostly fine and took to the nerve plate well. When she's had some time to heal, it should be simple to restore her sight. The main issue we have is that the war is stepping up, and we are getting more people coming back in need of our cloning machines.”
He pulled up a small list of human prosthetic companies on my pad, “Which means we can't make Rose a new set of organic eyes for… the foreseeable future. Which is why we opted to prep her for Optics while we wait. These companies have been vetted as trustworthy manufacturers, and the Hospital we plan to transfer Rose to on Venlil Prime will be more than capable of handling the installation.”
By the stars, how close was I to failing to save her at all? I nodded my head as I bit my lip and tried to stay calm, “Alright. So she will have prosthetic eyes soon?”
He wagged his tail meekly, “Maybe in about [two weeks] if the healing goes fine. It's best not to rush nervous systems when it comes to healing. It's not an easy process.”
He showed me an X-ray of Rose's teeth, “Now as for her teeth, we were able to save those. They are set in place but still need time to heal. It will take about twenty-one days for them to heal to a point where she can use them as she would normally.”
He pulled multiple photos of federation friendly, Terran food up, “So soft food until then. Soups, leafy salads with nothing hard… I have included a list and a few links to human recipes that will more than meet her nutritional requirements while she recovers, as well as into her care under you until she ages out.”
My mind drifted to the pills she had been given, “Ok then uhm, what about the medication she was on? Something like that… It could…”
He gently laid his paw on mine, “Her system is clean and showing no signs of a chemical dependency. That doesn't mean there won't be mental factors involved that could encourage her to seek escape through pharmaceuticals again. So long as her mental needs are met, she should recover well.”
I glanced up and quickly wiped away a few tears, “Ok, then… I don't know if I am the best person for that…”
“A lot of her care will simply just be showing her love, affection and that she matters and there is nothing wrong with her being human.” He looked ashamed as he spoke, “She will still need… Human care. From my personal research into the field, Humans need physical contact to be healthy and deteriorate slowly when isolated.”
He leaned forward and flicked his ears for my full attention, “Also do NOT let any Federation trained Psychiatrist near her. The Humans are miles ahead of us in terms of psychology and the treatment of those whose minds differ from the norm. It won't be easy to get a human Psychiatrist, but Rose will be high up on the list of those available to get help. Partly due to her unique situation but also to her parent's service and sacrifice.”
I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. I will never be able to give her everything she needs, but I can at least hold the tide back long enough for those who can. I have an empty bedroom for her to make her own… I'm not far from a refugee center school, so it shouldn't be hard for her to interact with other humans in a friendly environment… Food costs are going to go up… Ah. I haven't been working… Kotaka isn't going to fire me, but I have used all of my vacation time for this… I let out a lite cough, “And payment?”
He gave a curt nod, “Already paid. Part of her compensation for her parents’ service and sacrifice.”
I hope they don't know how their daughter was failed after everything they gave for her, “I'd like to see her if that's possible.”
He stood up from his desk, “Of course, follow me.”
We left his office behind and navigated the winding hallways designed to hopefully slow an Arxur raider from clearing the hospital quickly. I could remember when hospitals were built with quickly traversing them in mind. It took nearly no time to get to Aylin when she went into labor… it took the Arxur nearly no time to get to her in the hospital she was working at.
He stopped just at the precipice of one of the room's and rasped his knuckles on the door frame, “Rose? Are you awake? Your guardian is here to see you.”
He flicked his tail for me to enter as he turned the lights on. Rose was sitting right there. Her bed had been raised to a sitting position, but her head was leaned against a pillow as she slept. The doctor flicked the light's on, and I angrily gestured that she was sleeping.
I felt a bit stupid when I realized why the lights being on wouldn't bother her right now. He smiled like both a Venlil and a Human and dimmed the lights to half brightness before ducking out of the room. I crept as quietly as I could to Rose's bedside, my unkempt nails clacking against the floor. Yet, Rose didn't stir as I sat in a nearby chair.
Every time we have met has coincided with some of the worst times for us. My mind blamed me. Not for my failure to control myself back during the exchange program. But for seeking her out. If I had respected her parent's wishes of us never speaking again, then surely they wouldn't have died. Earth wouldn't have been bombed. Rose wouldn't- Rose wouldn't- … I'm full of shit.
The events that led to this were primarily out of my control. Beyond my failure, I wasn't the one who convinced the Gojids to try and attack, nor was I the one who made the Krakotl actually do it. I didn't introduce that predator Venlil to Rose. He was just trying to help her. I did the only thing I could, and if I hadn’t… no one else was coming to save her.
I leaned forward and grasped her hand in my paw. Physical contact was proven to drastically improve a Human's ability to heal.
Her skin was cold under my paw pads. Would she call them beans like the lady who helped me find her?
Her hand flexed around mine, squeezing it with just the slightest amount of force. Have her dreams just changed? Hopefully, for the better. Will she awake and know who is here beside her?
With my free paw. I swept a blood orange lock of greasy hair from her face. It's been so long since I had the slightest glimpse of her face burned into my mind. Now half of it was covered in bandages.
I sat and waited as she rested. As time ebbed and flowed on around us, nurses would come in and check her vitals as she slept. Eventually, her doctor returned and unprompted explained the painkillers she was on were known to cause drowsiness. She likely hadn't been sleeping well.
He wrote me a short list of sleep aids that were human safe… well, rather he was until he decided to throw it away and write me a list of the ones to not give her. Humans were starting to become infamous for the toxin tolerance in the medical field as many doctors were uncomfortable prescribing such high doses of medicine for their new human patients.
Her thumb began to work its way through the fluff on the back of my paw as Rose slowly stirred awake. Her grip tightened a little bit as she groggily turned her head in my rough direction, “hrm… hello?”
My words caught in my throat as I tried to speak a dozen thoughts at once. Her hand pulled away in fear as she held herself in her arms, “I'm sorry! I'm sorry… I didn't mean to scare you.”
“No!” My right law landed on her shoulder eliciting a small surprised jump, “Don't apologize Rose. Don't ever apologize for just existing. You have done nothing wrong.”
Her hand found its way to my paw resting on her shoulder still and grabbed it. She looked confused as she tried to place my voice, “I- uh- who- Do I know you?”
Once again my words hung In my throat, but I squeezed Rose's shoulder and could see a small bit of the fear leave, “It's me Rose… I know I wasn't supposed to contact you but… It's me. Talen…”
Her hands flew to her mouth as her breath hitched in her lungs. I could hear sobbing begin as she tried to speak, “I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I-”
My free paw quickly found its way to her cheek as I stood up. I pulled her closer, into my arms and instinctively groomed her hair. She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed, and I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed just as hard. Her head sunk into the fluff on my chest as she began to sob.
I held her. As tenderly as I could. Memories of holding a young Elva, who had just come back from another terrible day at school, rushed back to my mind, “Rose, you weren't the reason- What happened back on the station had nothing to do with you.”
She managed to choke out a “But-”
I shook my head, “No buts. None. When the Arxur killed my wife, I was on a call with her. I witnessed it. When Elva was being bullied at school for being a little more assertive than normal, I had to stop the exterminators from locking her away in an institution. As a news reporter, I've seen so many supposedly good people do horrid things to those with no power.”
I groomed the top of her head to give me a chance to compile the rest of my thoughts, “So when I did my job as a journalist comparing what the Federation ‘knew’ about humanity and what humanity was saying about itself… I couldn't see what was the truth. When my Daughter wanted to join the exchange program with me… I only joined, so I could try and keep her safe.”
I ran my paw across the top of her head, “Then I met you. I forgot my fears. I never addressed them. Just buried. Then we were sent to different stations and I realized I couldn’t protect Her. When you finally walked into the room, I had been slipping into a panic spiral and… well… I broke. I was desperately trying to get to Elva, trying to rationalize what I have witnessed against propaganda against you, trying and failing to separate what happened to Aylin with what was happening then and I… failed to.”
Rose's sobbing had begun to calm down as we just held each other. I took in a deep breath and felt it catch in my lungs. The tear soaked fur on my face stuck to my it as I pressed my head to the top of hers.
She slightly pulled away but stayed in my embrace, “I'm sorry about Elva. She was so nice…”
The sorrow in her voice caught me off-guard, “Wha- why are you sorry about her?”
Her head dipped, “I- I saw your news coverage of the Cradle raid. I recognized her when it- when that Arxur killed her. If it wasn't for us- she wouldn't-”
I ran my paw over her head, “Elva didn't die. She is actually going on a special mission for the UN right now. Even then, it's not Humanity's fault that happened. If Humanity hadn’t shown up, the Arxur raid that attacked the other exchange station would have led to another raid on Venlil Prime. It would have led to all of us dying.”
I cooed over her, “Humanity has been a blessing every person in this galaxy has needed. For the first time in my life, I feel like things might actually improve. Humanity- No. You have lost so much. I know how much it hurts to lose your parent’s to war. Though, I had gotten the joy of spending most of my life with them. I am so sorry this has happened to you.”
She buried her face in her hands, “I miss them so much. I just want them back!”
I pulled her back into my arms, “Don’t let go of it, Rose. Everything you have of them still… carry them with you. Make sure the world doesn’t forget them.”
Her sobbing came back, thick, heavy and ugly, but I didn’t run as she gripped me with every bit of strength she had. I held her as she fell back asleep.
As gently as I could, I laid her back against her pillows and cleaned some mucus off her face. I was also grateful for the cleaning room they had in the hospital as I prepared myself to function as a pillow once more. It wasn’t long before she stirred again, “I’m right here, Rose. I am not abandoning you.”
She nodded her head as she held herself with her arms, “What’s going to happen now?”
I moved a fiery lock of hair out of her face, “Well… I have applied for guardianship of you… at least until you are old enough to live on your own. Then you can leave at your leisure. I- You are always welcome in my home. Speaking of which, we will be headed to Venlil Prime soon. It’s a better environment there. Most of the Venlil in Dayside city are human friendly. You are getting transferred to a hospital there and will be staying with me. I am also going to try and get you to see a human Psychiatrist. Well, I may also see if they’ll see me. I could use some help too.”
Rose didn’t laugh at my joke, “Meji. He- He was always kind to me. Even with everything that was done to him, he was just really nice and tried to help me. I know he’s a drug addict, but- I don’t think he will survive much longer here.”
I tried to steer the conversation away from that… man, “I- I met him… and I think he’s going to be able to take care of himself just fine.”
I could hear the fear in her voice, “No… he's… he’s only been on the streets for six months… and that’s what he looks like. I watched him lose weight… he's just not…”
Here I am… he's probably in the same boat that Tarlim was once in. What kind of fucking idiot am I!? Of course, every institute is going to be the same. I cleared my throat, “I know he got the attention of some human soldiers. They got him to see one of their doctors. If I know anything, then he is probably being helped whether he wants it or not. I will do my job as a reporter and get the scoop on him for you. But for right now, let’s… Let’s rest. It’s been a long road, and we haven’t had a chance to shelter from the storm.”
___/\___
It’s been a long time coming but these two are probably going to be fine… probably.
I CAN FINALLY EDIT MY POSTS AGAIN! WOOO! And man has things been rough irl. Almost didn’t have this weeks done. Just hard to focus with the exhaustion as well as everything else thats gone wrong. Welp! See you guys next week!
Special thanks to u/JulianSkies and u/callmefishy11 for proofreading! Seriously it felt like my eyes were melting out of my skull and your feedback was everything I needed!
___/\___
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I don't remember the game clearly but it is in mobile or tablet. It was 2015-2017 when I played it on my mom's tablet and I remember it has different games (I think). One of the games involves slapping a kid to the side/cheeks and it will tilt his head to the other side and avoid the mucus from dropping to the food on his table (this nose mucus part is the only thing I remember). Thanks.

My kids have been sick for the past week with what we thought was just a yucky cold. Green gunk, cough, fever. They’re still soldiering through it but doing much better.
My 5 year old, however, has developed a weird rash around her nose. Her nose almost feels like it’s swollen. Definitely a ton of boogers and mucus constantly flowing out of there, but also getting bloody noses too.
The rash itself started as a small bump or two yesterday and today one of the bumps has started to blister and more have appeared around her cheeks and cheekbones. I have an appt with their doctor on Monday morning, but is there anything I can do until then to treat the bumps? She’s not itching them or in pain, but I worry the additional bumps may blister as well. So far I’ve just put antibiotic ointment on them tonight.

Hello everyone, I’m happy to say that I got an appointment with my PCP for Monday. It is still really bad and hurts my face and cheeks. My mucus still smells and my nasal spray doesn’t last and long as it usually does. I’ve had some success using Vick’s Vaporub and putting a tiny dot in the very bottom of my nostrils. I’m scared to death it’s fungal but my gf assured me she’d come to take care of me after my endoscopic surgery. I’d pick her up the day before the surgery, one of my neighbors would drive me to and from the surgery and then 48-72hrs after the surgery I’d take my gf back. I’m hoping a course of antibiotics will kill this infection and I’ll be back to normal once again. I could use some people that have dealt with this to talk to. I hate having this..,

So this is going to be a long post with quite a few different things in it.
31/M 5'8 170lbs
January is when the issues started that I want some feedback on. It's becoming hard for me to know what may genuinely be withdrawal/side effects, and what may be something else.
Starting in January my kids got sick with some type of 24 hour virus, and it went through the whole house including myself. After that i got tinnitus in my left ear and felt AWFUL. Flu-like symptoms, body fatigue, chills, joints popping like crazy. The ear pain felt like my ear was just full of fuild, when I press up below it, my ear would feel like its going to explode. I went to my PCP and he put me on Cipro. I took it for a weekend and couldn't tolerate it. I thought I would be okay after that, then it was just day after day dizziness/extreme fatigue and a new symptom of head pain near the ear with tinnitus. It was so bad I was calling out of work a few days a week, and I haven't missed work in 5 years. The head pain would be right in front of my ear, in the temple area. Went to ENT after another week of this and was told it was an ear infection, was put on cefdinir for 2 weeks. I took it for a week with no changes so i stopped (yes i know this is very bad) I felt even worse the week following. He put me back on cefdinir for 2 more weeks which I took. Still no changes, and now at this point I can barley drive i was so dizzy. Not spinning dizzy, but almost tilting over dizzy. My eyes couldn't focus on anything and almost felt like they were dancing around. I went to the ER it got so bad after another week, had MRI of my brain, CT of my brain, and CT of my sinuses. The doctor said both showed minor sinus thickening with mucus and a little fluid on my left ear (ear with tinnitus). Nothing wrong or crazy with my brain. was told to take Doxycycline, they thought it was just a sinus infection with vertigo. I took it the whole time ( 2 weeks) and felt a little better but not like before all of this. I went back to local ENT soon after to show the results, and they preformed a Myringotomy on my left ear with no tubs to see if it would help. Long story short, it hurt like hell and didn't help the ringing or dizziness. This point the ENT said he thought it was just TMJ. I took all of this to my PCP, he doesn't think its TMJ, but thinks something is definitely up but doesn't know what it would be. Took all the blood tests known to man with all negative results. That list of test follows: WBC. RBC, Lyme, Rocky Mountain spotted fever, Alpga-Gal, ESR, CRP, RF Qnt, Thyroid, Vitamin. Only thing I thought was worth noting was my WBC was 9.5, CRP was 2, and ESR was 19. I had to go back to ENT to see another doctor because I wanted a second opinion. This new ENT looked over everything, all the scans, blood work, Myringotomy, and months of antibiotics with nothing getting better. He said he also thought it was a mix of TMJ and Eustachian tube dysfunction, then sent me out the door.
So here i am, better then I was in Jan/Feb with all this, able to go to work now. I'm having to take ibuprofen almost daily, twice a day to get through the day. My head/temple pain has not gotten any better but the extreme fatigue has. Today my ear has been still bothering me with pain, ringing, and left facial pain from my temples to my tops of my cheek. So i went and bought a ear scope to look at it myself. This is what I took. My right ear which hasn't bothered me the entire time looks what I would say is normal. My left ear which has been the problem ear the whole time doesn't look like the right. I can see the scar were the Myringotomy was preformed around the ear drum itself and a small amount of dried blood, but what I'm more concerned with is all the red and blood vessels I see. When i press on it, its EXACTLY were the pain is in my ear. I will attach pictures and just see what you all think yourself.
https://imgur.com/a/eedXjeH
I'm sure I'm missing information and being my first post this is alot for me to just type out to express. Definitely been affecting my mood, mental health, and relationship. If you have questions I will try to answer what I can. I've pretty much been told nothing is wrong with me clinically, so understand I come to reddit not to criticized
Thank you for reading this far if you have.
TDLR: Does the one ear look normal compared to the other ear which is not hurting or ringing everyday.

Update: exactly one week for my MA. Given that Mother’s is a couple days away and I have been asked 5 times whether I am a mom, I am feeling really really emotional. I’ve spent most of the week pretty emotional bouncing between I made the right decision and something that feels really close to regret. I really want to be a parent at some point in life, just not right now. But I worry that any future pregnancy will be tainted by what I did and how this one ended. I also just feel bad my baby. Physically, I am not cramping anymore. I’m not taking any ibuprofen or Tylenol. I am still bleeding but it is brown in color so I am hoping it’ll stop soon. I’m sick of wearing pads but I also don’t want to wear tampons as I’m not bleeding enough. Right now, I’m just trying to keep my emotions together through this weekend. It doesn’t help that my boyfriend and I are having some issues that are in my opinion no where near what I am dealing with right now so I feel completely unsupported.
Old post: I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks and my partner and I had very mixed emotions. One thing we were certain of is that we were not ready to be parents. He just took over his family business. I’m dealing with student loans, just graduated law school and I’m trying to get my life together.
So, the same day I ordered the abortion pills from Cara fem. A few days later, I received a package in the mail it had books with guides on how everything worked. There was a maxi pad, tea, mints, nausea medication, ibuprofen, 1 mife pill, and 8 miso pills.
6 weeks two days: I took the mife pill on a Thursday. And went about my day as normal. I went to work. I ate. And I had no real issues. I decided early that there was no way I could take 4 miso pills orally. I know I don’t like swallowing pills, I’m also a child when it comes to them sitting in my mouth too long and thirty mins is thirty mins too long. Plus I did not want to be confined to taking the miso after 24 hours.
The next morning: I woke up. I showered. I wish I cleaned up a bite. I ate a banana. I took 4 ibuprofen (it was recommended I take 4 ibuprofen and 2 Tylenol but I didn’t have Tylenol). I also took 1 anti nausea pill. Then I waited the recommended 30 minutes. I laid down and tried to keep myself calm (I’ll explain this in a bit). After my alarm went off. I inserted the miso pills into my vagina - did this in my bedroom where I thought I’d be most comfortable.
15 minutes in: I started getting light cramps. Which surprised me because I thought I had an hour at least to prepare myself for whatever was coming. Boy was I wrong.
20 minutes in: within 5 minutes I was cramping violently. I’m not sure if it’s because of my endometriosis or what. But I felt the desperate need to poop and throw up at the same time. I had no trash can nearby, no one was home with me as my boyfriend was out of the country, and I couldn’t get up for another ten minutes still. I ended up puking all over my bedroom floor and just prayed I could make it to the bathroom for my second issue. I had set a timer and watched the remaining ten minutes go by.
30 minutes in: I ran to the bathroom bent at the waist because my cramps were horrible. I had pretty bad diarrhea (sorry tmi) but no bleeding. I also had another wave of nausea so it was coming out of both ends at the same time. I got in the shower under super hot water afterward but that wasn’t helping. I put a towel on the floor and just laid in the fetal position until I had to get up when I started bleeding. I used pads (though I don’t usually) so I could monitor the amount of blood coming out of me. I then gathered pain meds, water and a heating pad and laid on the couch. I have pretty bad period cramps but nothing prepared me for this pain.
1 hour in: the next 30 minutes or so I was bleeding pretty heavily and in and out of sleep.
2 hours in: I was still bleeding. But this was different than a normal period at times. Also a little more watery or maybe mucus-y idk. And the biggest difference is the clots that eventually come.
3 hours in: I had a pretty sizable (no bigger than a lemon in roundness) clot come out of me. After that, the pain went from 10/10 to 8/10. At this point, I cleaned up the puke on my floor and relocated to my bed. I continued to pass what looked like little clots for the next hour and again was in and out of sleep.
4 hours in: I was sleeping a lot. In a lot of pain. I was not hydrating. 4 hours in and my body was completely exhausted. I was crying a ton every time I woke up. And I felt weak physically. I got out of bed a bit quickly to go to the restroom got extremely dizzy and a while later woke up with bruised knees and bruised chin and cheek on my living room floor. I completely blacked out. I’m not sure for how long. I made it to the restroom. Cleaned up. Took an iron pill. Grabbed a kind bar and went back to bed.
5-6: I slept. By the time I woke up all I could do was cry. I found this Reddit page. Though my boyfriend was texting me, I was feeling really alone and I was a bit traumatized by everything that had happened. I was watching baby videos on instagram and just beating myself up. I started thinking about what ifs and about whether I had made the right decision.
The rest of the day I was still cramping but I was okay. I think the worst part was over.
Saturday: I spent the entire day resting. Reading Reddit posts. Sleeping. I was still nauseous so couldn’t eat still. So, I tried to use as little energy as possible. I still had little chunks coming out and bleeding.
Sunday: waves of emotion. Some cramps. More light bleeding. That’s it lol.
Some tips:

• if it can be helped, please don’t do this alone. I think it’s really important to have someone there with you. I regret not waiting for my boyfriend to come back. I think I blacked out and lost track of time a couple of times. I’m anemic and I didn’t think this fully through.
  
• have everything you need ready. Not just bought but physically where you need them to be. Plenty of pads by the toilet. Wet wipes. Trash cans. Medicine. Lots of bottles of water (something so you can remind yourself to drink).
  

-plan to give yourself some recovery time. My body felt drained. Three days later I’m just now getting out.

• if you need to talk please don’t be afraid to seek out help. My emotions are everywhere. I have therapy today and again in a few days to process all of this. It’s hard. And you don’t have to be alone.