The PERMA model structures the five essential elements of sustainable wellbeing. These are: Positive Emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment. And, of course, we need a positive approach to our physical health. Let’s look at positive affectivity within the context of the PERMA model.
Sustainable wellbeing is an on-going issue. And there is a wealth of evidence-based insight to support us. This page considers positive affectivity. Explore what this means for you and pick up some useful tips for a happier life. For practical purposes, positive affectivity sits within the positive emotions pillar of the PERMA model. Working on this area can improve our general happiness. In turn, this makes it easier to work on the rest. Additionally, intentional actions can be implemented quickly – getting a personal development program off to a great start.
Understanding positive affectivity involves understanding the interplay of genetic factors, environmental circumstances, and intentional activities. Research led by Sonja Lyubomirsky has identified the relative influence of these factors: valuable insight for sustainable wellbeing.
Genetic Factors
Genetic factors are responsible for 30-40% of our overall positive affectivity. This acts as a stabilising influence – often referred to as ‘the happiness setpoint.’ Our genes also shape our personality traits, notably the ‘Big Five Personality Traits’. These are extraversion, neuroticism, conscientiousness, agreeableness, and openness. Each of the ‘Big Five Personality Traits’ is its own spectrum. We all have our own preferred spot on each. Extraversion is a key player as it impacts on happiness levels. The other traits contribute to satisfaction in relationships, work, and coping with stress. This doesn’t mean, however that only extraverts can be happy. Next, we’ll consider the our environmental circumstances.
Environmental Circumstances
Environmental circumstances are also a significant influence. This group of factors encompasses supportive relationships, financial stability, education, employment, religious engagement, leisure activities, health, freedom, and a pleasant living environment. For those making their way in the world, balancing financial security with meaningful leisure activities becomes crucial. The Easterlin Paradox suggests that increased wealth – beyond our normal quality of life – doesn’t always translate to increased happiness or sustainable wellbeing.
Religious practice, often overlooked, offers a structured belief system, social support, healthier lifestyles, and positive emotions through practices like prayer and meditation. This can be particularly relevant for individuals seeking a sense of purpose and community. For us agnostics, we can easily translate this in to developing our own spirituality without alignment to any organised belief system.
Leisure activities, including sports, arts, and volunteering, play a vital role in fulfilling needs for autonomy, mastery, meaning, affiliation, and detachment. For those navigating demanding careers, finding joy in leisure can act as a valuable counterbalance to work pressures. This takes on an new dimension when we consider applying our signature strengths to our every-day lives.
Adaptability and happiness become essential, particularly for individuals managing the demands of work and family life. Freedom and a pleasant living environment contribute significantly to subjective well-being. Societies supporting economic, political, and personal freedom, along with access to green spaces and panoramic views, tend to foster more cohesive societies: within which, individuals have better chances of flourishing.
Gender and age nuances show a U-shaped trajectory of well-being across the life cycle. Understanding these trends can help individuals in their 30s and 40s to navigate the challenges of middle age. This influence is at its most negative through our 30’s and then turns increasingly positive from our 40’s onwards. NB this elements’ influence is low, and there are so many other factors that can counterbalance any negative influences from this one.
Our environmental circumstances – combined – contribute to only around 10% to our long-lasting happiness. We can’t do anything about our genetic legacy: accounting for 40-50% of our positive affectivity. We can influence the circumstances of our life which account for a further approximately 10%. This brings us to the key take-away from this article.
Intentional Activities
Our intentional activities – which we can control or, at the very least, have a degree of influence over – account for 40-50 % of our positive affectivity. Pause for a moment. Reflect on this conclusion. Notice your reactions.
This leads us naturally to ask – so how can I use this insight to help develop my sustainable wellbeing?
The answers will vary between us – we’re all walking our own paths. We can find them by systematically working our way through the PERMA model and the wealth of insight Wellbeing Psychology has to offer. In no particular order, these general approaches will deliver the most returns:
· Embrace mindfulness practices
· Allocate time for meaningful connections with loved ones
· Consciously engage in activities that align with your personal values
· Create a well-defined balance between work and leisure
· Foster intentional moments of deep relaxation
· Periodically reassess and adapt your goals
· Acknowledge your accomplishments

By weaving intentional activities into our everyday routines, we can intrinsically strengthen our wellbeing while juggling life’s on-going demands.
So now, equipped with this insight, ask yourself: what will I do, today, to apply this insight to develop my sustainable wellbeing?

I have been trying to be supportive and patient but i don’t know how much longer i can do it.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for not too long now. And from the start we just clicked. We have friends that said it was like we’d known each other for our whole lives when we’d only known each other for a very short amount of time before we started dating. Everything was going great up until this last week.
Backstory: My bf joined the marines after his dad died last year. He’s from oregon but was stationed out in my state. Recently some news has come up regarding his father’s autopsy report in the last week and my bf has been a silent warrior since.
I have barely spoken to him in the last week with the last 4 days being the hardest. He’s been busy with work but only works 7am-4:30/5pm. He hasn’t been texting or calling like he used to everyday. Thursday morning he sent me a text after not talking to me for almost 24 hours saying he wanted to break up. I decided that if he was going to do that then I needed to give him his things back so I went to see him that night. That night he told me after trying to speak to him about what’s been going on he said he still wanted to be with me. and was saying things like “i’m scared i’m going to fk up” and “i just don’t want to end up like my dad” as well as giving me news he was being shipped off to california (we’re in NC currently) possibly at the end of next week (aka this week we just entered). so it was my understanding that we were still together but i was going to give him a little more space. It is now sunday morning and i have only spoken to him during a 5 min phone call yesterday around 4:30pm. He hasn’t read a single message I’ve sent him since thursday night.
Is my relationship over?

Hi all,
I got the Allurion balloon inserted on Sunday and have since lost 6.5 kg. My starting weight was 80 kg, I’m now at 73. I’m not sure if this is normal as most people expect to lose 10-15 kg on the balloon and I have already lost a considerable amount in the first week so I’m not sure if I should expect it all back by next week as I understand some may consider this to be water weight etc.
I am honestly considering removing it and let me explain why, I’d love to hear from others and what they think.
My first week has been very very brutal. I was only able to keep liquids/soft solid down finally yesterday. Otherwise, I have thrown up excessively every single day since insertion. Water is one of the most nauseating things to take in even though I am very thirsty and dehydrated most of the time. So I have had to receive IV therapy daily to make sure I don’t pass out from exhaustion or dehydration. Sleeping at night is very very uncomfortable. 2 days ago I was hell bent on getting it removed but today I was able to keep some liquid and soft food down, albeit very small amounts and slowly, and definitely not without painful bloating. So I’m starting to think- okay, maybe this isn’t too bad after all. What is getting to me is not the inability to eat or hunger, it’s the constant feeling like I’m gonna fall over because of how full I am and how sluggish I feel. Does this go away fully?
I am also quite concerned about how this balloon will impact my social life. Food and drinking (not alcohol) is a big part of being able to meet with friends and socialise, but I’m afraid I’ve developed somewhat of a fear that I may throw up every time I try to eat something or I will feel this painful bloating after every meal, which you also have to be very vigilant about with what kind of foods, not mixing liquid-solids etc. Am I overthinking? Does this get considerably easier to manage?
I’m giving myself one more week before I decide to remove it or not.

I had a girlfriend I met at work who is also in my friend group. It started with her catching feelings for me and I, not knowing about her pre-existing conditions, reciprocated which led to an official relationship. After we became official, she moved about 300 miles away due to her abusive father kicking her out and so she lives with her mother now. After a couple months of trying to keep the relationship alive, I ended up breaking up with her due to personal issues and long distance.
So I said she’s in the same friend group as mine. We all worked together and are super close knit. When I broke up with my girlfriend, I thought that maybe we could stay friends. But I’m starting to get worried that might not be the case.
My EX is back visiting for 2 weeks because we wanted to celebrate her birthday with all of us together. Now that she’s back, I can see that she’s not handling the breakup as well as I thought. EX told me that she wanted to meet up with me one on one to talk about the breakup and sort of clear the air and finalize things. When I went over, she says that she has been having suicidal thoughts while she was away, constantly thinking about me, and says she is alone when she isn’t here with all of us. That led to me sort of trying to make her feel better with hugs, which led to us making out (consent given). Now, I know this was wrong and regret doing this because this has led to her needing me in every second she’s here visiting.
The next night, I tell her that we’ve broken up and that we need to establish boundaries if we want to stay friends, but now she is saying I’m awful for initiating. She doesn’t eat, always crying, can’t sleep, no energy to move, and generally just stays in bed crying. The only time she isn’t crying is when I am there with her. I’ve tried talking to her to give my support in hopes that she would be able to sleep. I’ve talked to her close friends who’ve known about her condition and suicidal thoughts and they said she’ll be ok. I’m worried because when I leave her house, she begins crying, telling me that there’s no point in living if im not next to her, and generally showing signs of unalive. I’ve talked to my friend group and they think she’ll be ok. But Im worried once she moves back, she will hurt herself. I am typing this now in her couch because she wouldn’t let me go home since she wouldn’t be able to sleep.
She is so attached to me that she said every second she’s here it has to be with me, otherwise its wasted. And she said once she moves back, its the last time me and the friend group will see her. What should I do? She used to take meds but she stopped.

I (21M) have recently got back in contact with a girl (20F) I was really close with at one point in my life. It ended pretty badly, about 2.5 years ago, after 3 years of on and off type stuff, but about a week ago her name popped up and I figured it had been long enough that we could catch up and it not be weird or there be any emotional stuff.
We got to talking and after a few days, it got a bit flirty. Nothing crazy, but it was comfortable so, you know, why not? She was giving me the same energy back. I don’t really trust this girl after the way she hurt me in the past so I made it VERY clear early on that it was just flirty chatting, nothing more, and she was fine with that.
Aside from the flirting we spoke about a lot of things…her ex, my ex, our relationships that hadn’t worked out, why she was still working the same dead end job she had been since 16 even though she had qualifications in engineering, lots of things about her life both past and most definitely currently.
Fast forward to last night and we’re talking some more and I realised she kept disappearing. When I’d ask ‘what’ve you done today?’ she’d say ‘I’ve been out’, which is kind of out of character for her. Like I said we were super close to the point where I can read her like a book, and every time we’ve spoke since getting back into contact there’s been no evasiveness until I’d ask about her day.
I’m no idiot, and I know her well enough to know she was hiding something from me so I asked her straight up ‘what aren’t you telling me’ and she told me that she’s seeing someone. I asked ‘is he your boyfriend?’ She replied ‘kind of’.
I was more concerned with getting a straight yes or no, because if this guy is her boyfriend and not a situationship or something I’ve been unintentionally homewrecking for the past 3 weeks. She told me they broke up but she’s been seeing him again a lot recently but doesn’t know how she feels about it because me and her started talking again.
She told me he’s really controlling and it was nice for her to feel free again for a bit. I used to be a support worker for victims of abuse so I understand why people go back, but that’s even if it’s true and she’s not exaggerating as a form of damage control, I really don’t know.
I’ve tried to advise her and help her, in amongst the flirting we’ve had some really serious conversations about her life stagnating. She’s never looked for another job even though she’s hated hers for years (since 16), refuses to go to the gym because she’s scared of people, won’t eat more than 1 meal a day even though she knows she’s getting to a dangerous level and keeps going back to this abusive guy cos she’s scared of being alone, and the only thing that might change one of those things is her latching on to me rather than Mr control freak, which she admitted herself.
I feel slightly guilty for getting annoyed about it but it’s so frustrating trying day-in day-out to help someone who says they want your help but refuse to take even the smallest step. I feel a bit hopeless, and I don’t want to cut her off again but if it keeps draining me like this I don’t want to sacrifice my own happiness to help someone unwilling to accept the help she’s asking for.
She’s got no healthy coping mechanisms at all and every day I’m trying to at least start getting used to the idea, asking if she’s eaten or just chip away at that social anxiety so she starts working out and meeting new people, but I also don’t want her to attach herself to me because I don’t feel that way about her at all, emotionally anyway, something I’ve communicated to her multiple times in the past few weeks, and knowing I’ve technically helped her cheat even though the guys an asshole doesn’t make me feel good at all.
I care about her a lot, and I just see the potential she has, I know healing is a process, but it seems like the only time she’s willing to do anything is if I tell her to do it, all she says when I ask her what she’s been doing for 3 years I’ve not been around is ‘just nothing haha’ or ‘I don’t know’.
She won’t talk to her friends cos she’s the ‘happy friend’…but she’s never even tried talking to them, she’s just bottled it all up and then as soon as I’ve appeared again she’s dumped everything on me and it’s a little bit draining, on top of the dragging me into her messy relationship by not telling me about the other guy straight away.
Yeah, pretty crazy, and idk if that all even makes sense I’m sure you can grasp how messy it is from how all over the place that story is. There’s so much more to it but yeah, just needed to get it off my chest.

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Interior design is the art of combining simplicity with aesthetics, a powerful tool that can transform a house into a home, and an office into a productive space. At HSAA, we understand the significance of space in shaping one’s identity.
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We give you a comprehensive collection of drawings that might include recommendations for walls, ceilings, electrical, woodworking, and furniture arrangements.
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Thought I’d pop a progress post up because this has felt like a miracle to me and I love reading everyone else’s updates. F33 5’4” SW250lbs CW232lbs I’ve lost just over 18lbs in 4 weeks! The 2.5 dose has worked really well for me, I’ve had hardly any side effects but it’s like a magic switch where food has just become fuel, rather than a comfort, a craving or an addiction. My aim has been 1300 cals a day based on various calculators, but I’ve had a few days where I’ve struggled to get to 1000. Mostly just by being busy and having to consciously remember to eat. What’s most amazing is that I haven’t felt unwell, in the past when I’ve dieted or tried to cut sugar I have had horrendous withdrawal symptoms, headaches, dizziness, shaking and irritability. I’ve had none of that and just felt really well the whole time! I’ve realised that I’m not just lazy, stupid or self destructive, I’ve known how to eat well the whole time, it’s been a hormonal/chemical reaction that has stopped me being able to do this. Which is a revelation to me!
I’ve started this next 4 weeks with an extra 2.5 dose and will start my 5mg pen next week. I’m a bit nervous about this because I’ve done so well on 2.5, but I will go down to half doses if it’s too much.
Nsv - my dad has noticed and asked about my weight loss and I can see it myself in the mirror too.
My next plan is to investigate gyms/classes as so far I’ve just increased the amount I walk per day. I’m also probably going to have a few counselling sessions to help me deal with some complex self esteem issues.

Hello, guy here, discovered this subreddit yesterday and I’ve read tons of posts here. Long post coming:
Reading posts in this subreddit I’ve noticed a pattern: one party of the relationship overinvesting, trying everything in order to change the other party, only to be left so heartbroken, so confused, or in a state of shock sometimes, missing the other party obsessively . After all, it makes no sense, I’ve shown all this good intention and willingness to sacrifice for the relationship, only to be ghosted or cut out by the other party like all our previous interactions and memories never existed. Why??? This why question is what creates the obsession, you feel empty and you feel exploited. You want them to explain to you why they gave you coldness when you gave them only love and support, this confusion kills you.
Being at some point a victim of this pattern, I’ve thought about this dynamic/topic a lot and I will share my perspective on it since it saved me from a lot of emotional suffering. My perspective is of course an oversimplification of an infinitely complex topic, lots of factors being dismissed, ofc it can be just completely wrong, but I think it’s still a perspective worth keeping in the back of your mind all the time. It only addresses the people who make sacrifices for their partner over and over and over thinking they reciprocate only to be heartbroken and getting murdered emotionally.
If you think about it, a relationship means 2 people coming together and exchanging attention and love. Because we are all different, our attention and love is different and unique in some ways, that’s why we connect with some and we dont connect with others. Both parties like what kind of unique attention/love/personality the other offers, this exchange is fundamental to what a relationship is.
Now, if 2 people really want to establish a long term relationship (stability, either because they want to have kids or just to have a life partner), both of them essentially have a single mission: they need to make sure that the exchange of attention/love is a fair one, and kept that way, all the time. If this exchange is not kept fair and starts to slide in one direction, with enough time and no correction applied , it will end in exploitation, and the overcommited party will suffer for all the unreciprocated commitment when the breakup happens. If one party puts in a love/attention level that is not reciprocated, and makes no attempt to correct the other party, the relationship is over from that point. Most of the time it will only get worse, because most of us, when we don’t get the love/attention we put in, we give even more thinking this will correct the imbalance.
If you are in a relationship and you feel the partner reducing their attention and love for you, the only way to adjust the imbalance is to reduce yours too. If your partner doesnt care or doesnt make and effort to correct the imbalance …. Well …. I think you can conclude they are not very serious. You never had a serious relationship to begin with. LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH SO YOU ACCEPT THIS BRUTAL REALITY, AND SAVE YOURSELF A LOT OF EMOTIONAL SUFFERING. YOU WILL MOST LIKELY BE SUFFERING MORE LATER IF YOU DONT RESPECT YOURSELF AND ASK TO GET WHAT YOU GIVE.
In my personal experience i see women doing this very often(men do it too, but i find women to be way more attention oriented and capable to adjust their attention/love based on their partner preferences), boyfriends start to disrespect or ignore, or in general reduce attention/love saying a bullshit excuse like i need space i am not ok, bla bla, and the women give more attention and love in spite of disrespect thinking that their partner is going through a tough time and they try to be supportive only to be met with more coldness.
Each party, when they notice they put in more than they receive, should ruthlessly reduce their input until the other party adjusts. It’s not a selfish act, you holding your ground and fighting for this balance is what allows the relationship to function long term and become stronger, no matter how emotionally hard it might be, if you dont keep your ground over time the imbalance will grow and the relationship is over. If you dont correct it or act as if nothing is happening, you will become frustrated and start to slowly degrade your self-esteem. The sooner you address it the better.
If the partner is not willing to understand the issue , or address it, or is giving bullshit excuses, the relationship is over , its just a matter of time. If you keep going with this imbalance, or you make it worse by raising your love/attention thinking they will raise theirs, at breakup time you will cash out in suffering currency all that difference in commitment.
Conversely, if you see your partner overcommiting, you need to find a way to balance it out. This is more tricky, you need to approach it based on your partner, if you pull away thinking they will pull away only to actually invest more, you made the problem worse. Here is where you need to communicate it, a hard thing to do and unique to everyone.
Watch this exchange of attention of love/attention at all times. The health and lifespan of the relationship depends on it. Do yourself a favour and leave if the other party is not willing to understand and try to balance it out. Dont fall for any bullshit excuse, if they truly care they would adjust immediately for you. If they dont adjust ,you leave them and leave them for good. Dont ever think they mean it when they say they want to adjust after you broke up with them. If you go back, what you are doing is accepting the unbalanced exchange, nothing happened really, they won and they are exploiting you.
Also, learn to adjust the balance when your partner overcommits. Don’t exploit that overcommitment. It’s only downhill from there, you might feel more powerful/important to just accept it and take it for granted, but you will create tons of suffering for your partner later, if you care about the relationship, try to make your partner lower their attention/love or be more laid back. Fair exchange being kept or the relationship is over. What causes in my opinion a good chunk of suffering is some people receiving an overcommitment in love and attention from their partner, and instead of making it fair trying to keep the relationship healthy, they get used to it or even try to exploit them more, in an egotistical short sighted way. They are using them, there is no genuine human love there. The balance must be kept at all costs. When you look for a partner, think if they would try to keep the balance, anything else like money, status, beauty, charisma is a facade, ultimately meaningless for the relationship health.
I might be wrong, or I just came across bad people in my life, (i hope i am wrong actually)but I came to realize that most people dont care about that balance. In their ‘relationship’, they completely dissmiss their partners and this whole dynamic, and they exploit them emotionally for validation, instead of trying to validate their skills by challenging themselves trying to become better. Their partners are just there to keep their ego inflated and feel some sort of ‘power’ or ‘dominance’. Very pathetic if you ask me. And their exploited partners dont respect themselves, for many potential reasons.
Maybe in some of the cases, we obsess with an ex, thinking about them like mad, maybe what we are actually doing is we expect them to give us all the unreciprocated attention/love back, we feel robbed, despite loving them a lot, they robbed us.Or at least in some cases we want them admit they didnt treat us fairly and we expect an apology so we can move on, we knew subconsciously the interaction was imbalanced.
Long post already, I am really curious what you think.

If you were in a tandem jump and you started acting up (let’s say you chimped out and started hitting them, or you were suicidal and it was clear you wanted to die, etc). Would the person latched to you let you release you and let you fall? I’m not sure if they can even release you to begin with?

For context, I’m 15 years old, never even touched a ball as a 14 year old, now at 15 I am a CB and was even able to join the school football team (albeit on the bench). I am moving to Germany Munich soon, and someone suggested me the Bayern academy, since that’s where I’m headed.
But a lot of people tell me, “you ain’t got the skill”, “you started too late”, “you won’t ever play football in your life” but I really do want to and even my parents are on board with sending me there.
I just want to know if what I’m looking at here is even “realistic”.
Apologies if this sounds stupid to you.
But have I truly started too late? (Man I wish I picked up the ball a long time ago)

Hi everyone, I will be seeking professional help for this but am just curious about whether this has happened to anyone else.
I have never had driving anxiety except for the anxiety of first starting to drive 10+ years ago, of course. I live in a city. I commuted to work an hour plus away for close to 7 years. I don’t have to commute as far anymore, but all of a sudden, I am TERRIFIED of this bridge I need to cross to get to the next city for no reason.
I literally used to drive over it every single day, twice, to get to work. If you’re curious about the size of the bridge and feel like googling it, it’s called the James N. Allan Skyway and it goes over Lake Ontario. High winds, major fog, and transport trucks blowing over are not an entirely uncommon occurrences. But I’m not afraid of falling off the bridge - I cannot figure out what I am afraid of or why this came on all of a sudden.
I had my tire completely slash and explode on this bridge once in a snowstorm at night when alone about 10 years ago. I was alone and coming down the bridge and remember struggling to keep my car controlled. There is nowhere to pull over if something happens, and the speed limit is regular highway speed which makes it dangerous to just stop, which bothers me, but I just did my best, let off the gas, and dealt with the extremely loud thumping and not smooth drive until I got to the bottom. My tire recently went flat on the highway this year in April and I’m wondering if it’s less a fear of the bridge and more a fear of something happening to my car and not being able to pull over, which is triggered by the bridge because something happened ON the bridge. I get the same sort of anxiety when driving very narrow highways with no shoulder now.
Just curious if anyone else has had any sort of sudden onset fear come totally out of the blue like this that has been difficult to connect?
I used to just keep exposing myself to it but recently I had a panic attack on it and no longer feel safe driving it, as I don’t want to hurt anyone else.

Whatever you do, never drink to cure a mental issue.
First
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You know the drill: credit to SpacePaladin15 for the universe.
Thank you JulianSkies for proofreading.
Memory Transcription Subject: Gillab, Gojid Citizen, Father
Date [Standardized Human Time]: March 28, 2142
I made sure to wake up as early as possible so I could do what I needed to do before Billy woke up. First things first, get rid of all the liquor in that fridge. If Billy was going to get better, the first thing he needed to do was stop drinking. He was only running from his problems and as long as he had that out he was going to take it.
I pulled a trash bag in front of the fridge, propped it open as best I could, and started stuffing it full of bottles. Cheap Venlilian liquor was being poured down the drain by the second, it almost made me feel bad for anything living in the sewers. This stuff had enough alcohol in it to kill someone, a rat would be dead in seconds.
By the time I poured the last bottle down the drain, I had probably sanitized the entirety of the New York sewer system. I hoisted the bag onto my back, making sure not to break the bag with my quills, and started to make my way to the dumpster. Thankfully Billy’s apartment was on the first floor so the journey wasn’t too long.
I tossed the bag into the dumpster carelessly, causing a few of the bottles to break when they hit the others that had been thrown in yesterday. It was only the second day, but I felt like we had already made some progress. I was able to make him admit he was just scared of feeling the pain of his memories, even if it was only accidental. Small steps were still steps, now all I had to do was make him realize that he didn’t deserve this. I have a feeling that once he jumps that hurdle, everything should come much easier.
A familiar song brought me out of my thoughts, drawing my attention to my phone. I had changed the ringtone to the first Human song I had ever heard, T-Shirt, to always remind me of my time on the Cradle. I pulled out my phone and accepted the call, smiling as I saw just who it was.
“High sweety, having a good morning?”
The camera shook up and down in sync with my daughter's face. “Yeah, but I wish you were here.”
“Oh sweety, I know you do, but I have some important work to do and I can’t come home. Just know that I will always love you. Now you have a good day at school, you hear?”
“Mmhm, I will. Here’s mommy.”
The camera shook again as it passed from my daughter’s claws to my wife’s. In the background, I could hear the chitter of my daughter’s voice and then rapid footsteps away. When the camera stopped shaking, I was met by the most beautiful woman in existence.
“Hello, Sweet-fruit.”
Kirala smiled and tilted her head. “Hello, my big guolo tree. I missed you this morning.”
“I missed you too. I had to sleep on an uncomfortable couch and I think it messed up my back a bit.”
“Oh, how the mighty veteran is felled! Surviving a plasma wound to the chest but felled by the mightier couch.”
I flicked an ear in amusement. “To be fair, it was one vicious couch.”
I couldn’t help but melt at her laugh, it was like sunshine during the darkest night. It was light and cheerful and genuine, and I couldn’t imagine myself living without it.
With a final few chuckles, Kirala pulled herself together enough to respond. “Well, it sounds like you need to wear some armor to bed then.”
I feigned a thoughtful expression. “Maybe I will, I already sleep with clothes on.”
She threw her head back in disgust. “Ugh, I still don’t know how you do that. I still feel a little uncomfortable when I wear them when I’m awake, I couldn’t imagine sleeping with them.”
“It’s an acquired taste, you’ll come around.”
“Mmhm, I’m suuure.”
I sighed. “How’s Julaly doing?”
“Well, she misses you, obviously, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. She was good yesterday, but we both wished you had given us a little more of a warning. I didn’t expect your little trip to the memorial to turn into an impromptu therapy session.”
“Sweet-fruit, you know I wish I could have too. It was sprung on me just as much as you. I’m just glad I found him when I did, do you know what I found in his room? A suicide note.”
Kirala gasped slightly. “Oh dear I… I really-”
“It’s fine. I didn’t know either. But just think, if I had come back for just one day, he would be dead. I made the right call here, even if I was torn at the time.”
“You need to get back to him then.”
“I’ve got a little longer. He’s still asleep. I was throwing away some alcohol when you called me, and when I get some free time I’m going to go to the nearby bars and tell them not to serve him. Today I’m thinking I’ll try and get him to go to a veterans’ meeting so he can connect with some others like him, let him know he’s not alone and it’s not just me who cares about him.”
“Still, you should go back to him. And stay safe. He sounds unstable, just keep an eye on him.”
“Sweet-fruit, he’s not dangerous.”
“You don’t know what’s going on in his head. Promise me you will stay safe.”
“I promise.”
“Like you mean it.”
“I promise with all of my heart that I will stay safe.”
“Good, now get back to it. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
The call blinked out and left me staring at my home screen. It was true that I missed them both dearly, even a day without them left me longing, but I knew what I was doing was right. Billy needed someone to save him, and I was the only one available. Kirala was right, I needed to get back to it. I couldn’t leave Billy alone for too long, it would only end in disaster.
As soon as the door clicked open, Billy descended upon me. “Gillab, what did you do?! Where’s the liquor?!”
I stepped past him and made my way to the living room. “I threw it all away. You were poisoning yourself and I needed to put an end to it.”
Billy was stunned for a moment. “You fucking- GILLAB! Get the FUCK out of my house!”
“I’m not going anywhere! Not until you heal!”
Billy looked back and forth, raising his arms in frustration. “What the FUCK does that even mean?! You keep spouting this fucking ‘healing’ word like it’s some catch-all miracle wonder word that means everything!”
“I mean, you need to come to terms with what you’ve done, accept them, and move on! Otherwise, you are just going to rot in this room for all eternity. You are so much better than this, and you know it. You are strong enough to carry on, and you know this. You know, deep down, that you don’t deserve this life. But you are stuck thinking that you do! I saw you at the memorial and I literally didn’t recognize you, remember? That is how much you have changed, but it doesn’t have to stay like this. You can end the pain, and not in that way, all you have to do is trust me. And not just say that you do.”
I paused for a moment to catch my breath. “You said that you would go through the motions for me, right? This is just another motion. The next one is to find other veterans who are or have been through what you have and talk to them. They will make you realize that you aren’t trash or a parasite or any of that! It’s just another motion, right?”
Billy growled and stormed towards me. “You are on thin fucking ice right now.”
“Good. It means you care. Now sit down, we are going to set up a meeting with a group of veterans.”
“I don’t want to go meet some fucking soldier. I’m fine without that.”
“It’s just the motions, right? Humor me.”
With a deep sigh, Billy sat in the chair across from me. That was all I needed to see to confirm it, Billy really did want help, he just couldn’t even admit it to himself.
“You still haven’t given me your promised speech from yesterday. The hour-long one about how much I don’t deserve what I’m doing to myself.”
“Oh trust me, it’s coming. But right now we are going to set up a date for you to meet a veterans’ group. After that, let’s clean up a little more, get some food, maybe go for a walk in a park, then you’ll get the speech. Okay?”
Billy rolled his eyes and waited for me to pull up a website. After a bit of scrolling, I found a phone number I could call to find a meeting time. I prepared everything and set the phone on the table, but didn’t call yet.
“Okay Billy, I’m leaving this up to you. All you have to do is say your name and ask for a time you can come to the meeting.”
“Why can’t you set it up for me?”
“That’s not how it works. You need to be the one that calls them, not me. Plus, I don’t think they would accept me signing you up. The person coming has to be the one to set it up. Are you ready?”
Billy sighed. “Yeah.”
I called the number, set the phone on a table between Billy and I, and waited. After a few rings, a man began to speak.
“Hello, you have reached Richard’s group therapy for veterans, how can I help you?”
Billy looked up to me for guidance, to which I only motioned for him to speak to the man. “H-hi Richard, m-my name is Billy. I was… wondering if I-I could join your next meeting.”
“Oh course, we are always open for more. You didn’t even need to call, you could have just shown up at the meeting. We accept anyone and everyone at any time. Our next meeting is tomorrow at noon if you are available. If not, the next one is that same day at six-thirty.”
Billy glanced at me twice before giving his answer. “The… six-thirty one sounds good.”
He was pushing it back as much as he could, but at least he would get to it eventually. There was some quiet clacking in the background before the man responded. “Great, I’ve reserved you a seat. I’m happy to have you join us. Is there anything else you need?”
“No, that’s all. See you tomorrow.”
Billy set his phone down and sighed deeply. His face quickly changed from concerned and awkward to angry and annoyed. I could see him prepare to say something, but it ended up dying in his throat. Instead, he stood up suddenly and stomped back to his room, wanting to be left alone.

I see so many people online saying how their relationships with their parents got totally destroyed after coming out, and my parents are both conservative immigrants and have expressed their feelings towards the LGBTQ community on countless occasions (all of which are not good, not in the slightest). I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my parents, but I know that being lesbian is an important part of my life and will be harder to hide once I start getting older and they see I’m not dating any men.
I’m going into college next year, but I’m planning to stay close to home. I definitely want to explore in college because I haven’t had the opportunity to in my small town. All the girls who are openly gay all have girlfriends. I don’t hide the fact that I’m gay but I also don’t tell a lot of people. I’ve only told my friends, and even that was nerve wracking. I get scared because what if I’m actually not gay and I’ve been lying to myself and I just lied to at least like seven people, or what if they tell everyone and then everyone knows I’m gay and hates me because I’m not like gay enough?? It’s stupid, but I’m like terrified of that.
I think my mom suspects something is going on because she’s asked me multiple times if I’m a lesbian, all of which I have denied with pounding heart. Like my stomach literally drops. She asked me if I have any guys into me or if I like any guys, and I reply no and she just give me a look. Sometimes, I think about just not telling them, and then one day, they’ll just receive a wedding invitation and it’s like surprise! Lesbian.

I’m wondering if anyone only takes Sinemet as needed, and just deals with PD without it when they can.
My MDS doesn’t understand why I’d want to not take it constantly, as he saw my scores go down when I was on 1.5 pills of c/l 3x a day for a month. When I went in for the appointment, I thought he was going to tell me they weren’t working. Yes I could type a little better but I don’t feel on/off periods. I just notice “hey I am a little less shaky when I unload the dishes” or “hey my shoulder is slightly less painful today and I can type a little better”. There’s never a great surge of relief, I never get my handwriting back, and tbh a stress free day and a good night sleep seems to do the same thing for my PD stiffness. So really, if the results aren’t impactful to me, I don’t see why I should take it all the time?
I went 24 hours without C/L last weekend and didn’t notice any difference. I don’t type on the weekends. So this work week I waited until noon each day when my hand started sucking and took a dose with a little bit of impact to finish up the work day. Seemed fine. Yesterday, I had lunch in the sun with an old friend if not seen in awhile, browsed shops with no agenda alone, and painted when I got home. Felt great.
So like, if it’s a stress free day or I don’t need my fine motor skills, why take it?
MDS said I could stop C/L cold turkey, but when I googled I found warnings saying not to. I’m not thrilled with him in general/there’s no trust there (getting a new one this winter). Anyway, curious if anyone takes as needed or if you’ve heard it’s dangerous to do so.
Specifics re: my general symptoms if needed: I have rigid dominant YOPD with action tremor that’s worse with cold/big feelings. My main issues are tremor when texting/unloading the dishes, slow typing, and reduced mobility and moderate pain in my affected side (right/dominant). Toe taps are slow and fatigue makes me feel the PD in my leg but no gait issues yet. Possibly related to something else, or possible that the disease is moving along a little quickly: both hands always have sore joints and feel swollen, and I have nerve pain down the backs of both legs/feet. Yes I had an abnormal DATscan.
Thanks!

So I know this was a terrible idea first off. I had my reasons trust me, but it will make this a long post so I just need you to understand that it was a dumb but probably understandable reason that I tried to force an attack.
Having had none for a week but usually having them weekly, I started on Thursday night. I had tuna Mayo pasta which has caused an attack every other time and I have been avoiding. No attacks. On Friday I thought hell and had spaghetti bolognaise with a lot of cheese as I love that and haven’t had it for ages due to fear it’s fatty meat and cheese etc. No attack came. Saturday I went a bit mad. Had a croissant for breakfast, allowed myself some ice cream with friends while out and had a microwave creamy pasta dish for dinner. Nothing at all. Weirder still my period started Friday and I seem to get an attack on the first day often
Why does my previously chatty and vindictive gallbladder really not give a crap this week!? Im grateful to have the food I’ve missed but what on Earth.

I try not to post in forums without a strong understanding of the lay of the land and how the community likes to run things. From what I can tell this subreddit is mostly dedicated to news articles and a thread about the current week’s show. I’m going to take a dare and start this broader thread in hopes that it won’t be too far out of character.
It seems like the show’s audience is expanding a lot recently and perhaps there are people who, like me, would like to express the how and why they are so attracted to this show.
I’m not much of a podcast listener, and though I listened to a few episodes of TWiR v1.0, it wasn’t until the middle of last year that I became a regular listener. For this kind of program format, I’m inclined to listen, not watch on YouTube.
My love for TWiR surrounds an important weekly event. My son has a job out in the country every Sunday. We’re up at 5:30 am to make the 40 minute commute to his workplace (that’s frigid zero dark thirty five or six months of the year). This sounds like a real hassle, right? It could be - but I prefer not to frame things that way, and as such this has become what might be my favorite part of the week.
I live in New Jersey - and if you are only familiar with the state from TV and film, you are only aware of a tiny (and mostly negative) aspect of the state and the people who live here. In southern New Jersey where we live (think Philadelphia not New York), picture beautiful rolling farmland, not the highways, industrial stations, big box stores, and mini-mansions you see on The Sopranos. New Jersey is not known as the “Garden State” for nothing. Long county routes that link a few small tows with farms in-between. It’s a beautiful drive, and if you are someone who likes to drive like I do, a very fun one if you avoid the wildlife. For parts of the year, I even get to witness the sunrise on my way to or from his workplace in the morning.
There's one catch... the little jerk sleeps on the ride in! I was 17 once, I get it.
This is where TWiR comes in. Before I pull out of the driveway, I press play and my early Sunday mornings are filled the intellectual stimulation of hearing Neil, Dave, and sometimes Chris go on about all things retro. The show makes me think, it makes me laugh, and it sparks my interest in heading home and researching or looking something up that they discuss.
When I retrieve my son in the afternoon, I have him trapped - we know that we’ll have 40 solid minutes a week where we can talk about life, school, work, and more frequently than you’d expect, vintage and modern video games and computer systems.
I will forever have these memories, and This Week in Retro will forever be a part of it. Until the sad day my son gets his own drivers license and I'm released from this task, I won't even listen to TWiR outside of this ritual... I don't want to spoil the feelings and association. Just hearing the intro of the show fills me with warm and fuzzies - nostalgia in the present. I wouldn’t have stuck with the show if it weren’t so damned good, and for me, it’s all about the presenters. I could listen to Neil and Dave (and Chris) talk about anything, to be honest. I think you’ll find when it comes to any podcast or radio show, it’s that chemistry that builds affection with the audience far more than the content, and these gentlemen have that charisma in spades. I’ll confess, I even get a little excited when there is no guest. Though none have ever detracted from the show, I like the pure experience the best.
I’m done carrying on - do any of you have a similar relationship to the show?

Okay so, let me start with they changed the sickness policy to 3 occasions in 12 months instead 3 occasions in 3 months. I was throwing up 2 weeks ago really badly and had to call in sick. So that’s 1 occasion already, now I’m having a sore chest with a really bad cough like I’m coughing every 3 minutes, if I call in sick that’s going to be my 2nd occasion what if I’m sick 2 more times in this year?! Can I get fired? I know I might get a disciplinary but I’m just worried

We met in December through social media from the same area. I was in a place at that time after having 2 2 year relationships that ended when I was 21, I was ready to be open if something came along. I was single for 8 years. Initially I wasn’t 100% bought in on her. The lifestyle she portrayed on social media gave off the vibe she was like a fancy influencer which I’m not a fan of. Had a bit of a social media presence. I had one myself for a few years but pulled back because I realized it wasn’t for me knowing the mental health effects of it. I expressed that I don’t care for social media anymore and want a low key life. She seemed cool though so I pursued it. Off the bat our convos were deep. She was reading our comparability. And then I took her out. First date she was already saying she was admiring me and obsessed with me. Found out later she texted a friend on the side and said she was going to marry me. She traveled for this social media stuff almost every weekend. She also had her real job. I still didn’t see this going anywhere due to her circumstances but I was interested after the date however I wasn’t 100% bought in. Thinking back now, I think maybe my gut was telling me not to pursue.
I was supposed to run a marathon in another state and she said she wanted to fly down (second time meeting) and spend the weekend with me. She did and that’s when it started. I learned all her trauma. Everything moved so quickly that weekend. No relationship with family, father was a drug addict and left, mother was BPD and bipolar and so was the sister. Kicked her out at a young age was couch surfing for years. Never had a stable home. Didn’t seem to have any long term friends. Told me she had went to therapy and was all good but also told me she has fear of abandonment and ptsd. I thought she was squared away though and gave the benefit of the doubt. We already discussing futures together and the lovebombing started. Saying things to me no one’s ever said or noticed. Long story short she traveled almost every weekend for the next month and a half and i really wasn’t a fan of it. Aside from not liking the influencer stuff, it was just not the type of relationship I was looking for. Never being able to plan. Only spending a couple hours during the week because we worked opposite schedules. This went on for the first 2 months. She was supposed to travel the first 3 weeks in March but wound up telling me she’s having an identity crisis. Wants to stop traveling wants to stop on social media. It’s bad for her mental health she used it as a distraction bc she had nothing else and now being with me she has a different perspective on life and has a reason to be home. She also said she used it for validation for herself bc her family never gave it to her and people only praised her for her success and i was the first person to love her for who she is. I thought that was awesome and wanted the best for her because she told me how bad it was affecting her. She canceled all her upcoming trips and was bought in on living present, pulling back from being on her phone because she was addicted to it and just enjoying life. Would constantly express to me how much healthier she is, eating more, sleeping better etc. told everyone she knew the same thing. She’d express how she used to “self sabotage” with all this work. I would always say don’t do anything unless you truly want to and she’d emphasize how she felt this way before me, I just gave her a different perspective on life and she doesn’t want to bury herself in work anymore because she doesn’t have a reason to distract herself.
This is when the clingy stuff started. She wanted to be with me every second of every day which for some reason i didn’t see as bad at first. She started getting separation anxiety when I’d go to work and constantly fear that i was going to just abandon her. She’d take things and small jokes so seriously and somehow link it to me subliminally meaning i was going to leave her. If i wasn’t all over her in the morning she took it personal. We’d wind up in arguments of me explaining what i meant and it would either end with her insisting i take her emotions into account or she’d apologize but blame it on her past and fear of abandonment. I found myself completely losing myself constantly going above and beyond to show her how much i loved her and wasn’t going to leave her. Taking off of work spending time with her buying her things and also just constantly telling her and showing her love. It was never enough because when she had these spirals it was all forgotten about. Got to the point i was living with her basically and couldn’t go home and see my family without her coming.
Dealing with this for about 2 months fast forward to 3 weeks ago. A girl she met through social media deaded her out of nowhere and told her something she said she didn’t like. She remembered last time she spoke to her she was saying how she was pulling back from social media because it was bad for her mental health and how happy she is actually having a life outside of work and thinks this girl took that personal because social media is her life. She was upset but didn’t seem to distraught. I gave logical reasoning like If she can drop you like this clearly she’s not someone important. I kept reassuring her she doesn’t need someone like that. If she was a real friend she’d be happy for you. I made jokes about it that made her laugh. What i didn’t know until one night she was crying was that it triggered the abandonment issues and she was down another spiral and associating it with me leaving. Once i saw it was a big trigger i tried to really console her. Show her love and affection and be there for her. Everything seemed fine until a couple of days later. We woke up, i was tired maybe a little quiet (i really don’t know I’m blaming myself) and we were talking like normal. She kept asking me what’s wrong and i kept saying nothing nothing. I wound up leaving for work and i texted her. She was being very short with me until she just didn’t answer. Me thinking ok she’s busy at work no big deal. Normally she would check in during the day at work. She didn’t. I was still like okay no problem until i saw she was checking social media. So after the entire day passes without hearing from her i finally reach out and was like what’s the issue. She claimed she was busy but i said ok you were checking social media and im sure if you were to screen shot your texts you were texting other people and i was the only one ignored bc she was always on her phone(not actually saying send me your texts, I’ve never done that). She said that rubbed her the wrong way and we need to have a conversation. We hopped on the phone and BOOM everything came out. She needed me and i wasn’t there for her to comfort her i made jokes about it and didn’t take it seriously (i was there for her but didn’t realize the extent of why it was bothering her until she told me and i did everything i could to make her happy) then she started bringing up how she lost herself since she’s been with me. She can’t post on social media freely anymore because she feels like im going to judge her even though it was her who made the decision to pull back and praised how much of great decision it was(not to mention she never stopped posting 3 times a day regardless of everything she said) I went to her place and all my stuff was out and ready to go. We spoke again and the same things came up. I don’t like social media and was pulling back myself so that means i don’t support her and how i wasn’t there for her emotionally. It was literally just a big mind f. Brought up like 2 or 3 other completely random things as well as excuses as to why she was leaving again contradicting things she’s said or done. Anytime i would bring up but what about this and when i did this or said this or how you said this it was like deflected and didn’t matter. What matters is what she is perceiving and that’s it. Like I’m this horrible person who did nothing for her.
At first I blamed myself since this happened because I really don’t know what more i could’ve done. I reached out to someone who I’m friends with who knew her growing up and they told me that it seems like a reoccurring thing with her past friend ships and relationships that they all just ended randomly. It really messed with my head and I didn’t know how to deal with it. She isn’t diagnosed with anything as far as i know but it’s been brought to my attention about the BPD stuff and reading this forum a lot of the things are very familiar.
I know I’m not perfect but after years of not wanting to commit to anyone or open up i finally did and i really meant how i felt for her and it hurt me so much that i could just be discarded like that. But I’ve learned what it is and am accepting it for what it is. I’m not a codependent person normally, never have been. I truly just cared for her and thought that maybe she had a bad upbringing but we can make the next chapters happy. I truly had good intentions. Been NC for almost 3 weeks now. Would never reach out i really don’t care how much it hurt. I have a great support system and a lot to look forward to. There’s good days and bad days but the bad days are getting less and less. I think back and I recall how uneasy I felt the whole time. I thought maybe it was me. But I truly think I just always suspected something wasn’t right.
Just wanted to tell my story and see if anyone had any advice or could relate in anyway.

I started taking fluoxetine at around 8 years old and didn’t stop until 16-17. at around 20-30mg i think. I’m 165cm tall… although my sister is very short and so is my mother, my father is 175cm and my mother’s father is very tall.
I think i’ve stunted my growth quite a bit. but how can i be sure? i havnt expressed it but im quite upset with my parents and doctors for throwing me into a antidepressant at age 8 without me even knowing.
Have i really stunted my growth? or is it just genetics 🥲
BTW im the shortest out of all of my cousins

Hello everyone, I’m interested in switching careers from HRM to IT/Cybersecurity. After doing some research, the amount of information out there is overwhelming and I have no idea where to start. Where does a brand new person, again, with 0 knowledge and 0 experience start? Certificates? Training? YouTube knowledgeable videos? I’m currently only just signed up for google IT certificate on Coursera and that’s about it. Thank you.

I have been using Before Launcher on my Pixel 5 for a few months and it’s been perfect for me. The only issue I’m having is that it seems to really drain the battery fast, and I have issues sometimes casting from my phone and have had to switch it back to the Pixel launcher in order for that to work. I’m wondering if these are more issues with my phone getting old, or if there are better options out there? I am debating getting a newer Pixel soon, but it would be a bit disappointing to do that and then still have the same issues if the problem is because of using an overlay.
Edit: Also, if just upgrading my phone would work, any thoughts on the next lowest generation I could get and it would probably be fine? I don't need to spend a bunch on getting a Pixel 8 for example if not necessary.
If it helps:
-The text only icons and being able to easily filter notifications and control what apps are readily accessible has been the best thing for me, as well as the friction of getting to other apps like YouTube or chrome (though I have found myself mindlessly going through all the steps to get there again 🫠… something for me to work on lol)
-Camera, WhatsApp, Video calls, Phone calls, Calendatasks, Maps, Google home connectivity apps and music/audiobooks are what I use the most (we are a Google connected household for sure but want technology as tools and not controlling us)
-I don’t need to be absolutely tied to my email for work or anything though I don’t have enough of a habit of checking personal email online to get rid of from my phone, I like the filter page on the before launcher for this. ALTHOUGH I do wonder if this is feeding me starting to check check check my phone again…
This may be a simple “it’s probably just that your phone is getting old” answer which is fine haha (: Thanks in advance for any ideas!