Cutting people out of your life quotes

Hello po!
Here for insights on how to survive as a new lawyer. Please feel free to share your own experiences and how you dealt with the pressure of being a new JA in a firm. Would also like to hear stories of those who left their law firms early. <3 Thank you so much!
In a nutshell, please help me weigh if:
(a) Nag-iinarte lang ako. Everyone goes through this and I should just suck it up, or; (b) Firm life is just not for me. And that’s okay. (Is it really okay? haha)
I graduated from the top law school in the Philippines. I passed the Hernando bar last year, and got into a reputable firm that pays fairly (55-60k monthly for new lawyers, not bad).
On one hand, there’s a part of me who wants to stay for the factors listed below. These factors make me wonder if nag-iinarte lang ba ako, and I am actually lucky to land this job.

• Everyone in the firm is so nice - my superiors, batchmates, non-legal staff. Even when I did something wrong, they did not scold me. Saktong gentle reminder lang so I can do better next time. I heard horror stories from my friends working at other law firms, which I am lucky enough not to experience here.
• Good pay for a new lawyer with zero experience prior to entering the firm.
• Work from home for x days per week.

On the other hand, there are factors that are draining me both physically and mentally:

• For the past 5-6 weeks, I always have weekend work. I have reached the point where I am no longer looking forward to the weekend cos I just know I will still be working. I can’t go out with peace of mind.
• I can’t sleep early either because: (a) I still have to work, or (b) I am afraid someone will give urgent work while I’m asleep. And when I get to sleep, I occasionally have bad dreams about work HAHA I once dreamed about receiving an urgent email from the partner. So I rushed to check my laptop at 3am only to find out there is no email. Took me about 10 mins bago mahimasmasan na it’s just a bad dream. I was staring blankly at my laptop in disbelief HAHAHA. Totoo ba to? Wala ba talagang email? T___T
• I am handling so many matters all at the same time. I am struggling to find a way to meet all my deadlines. Sometimes, I am left with no choice but to submit subpar outputs just for the sake of submitting. And this makes me so sad. My colleagues are so nice to me and I feed bad that they have so much to revise. I am now fearing that I will have a bad reputation in the firm and people will not want to work with me. (Or maybe that’s a good thing. Para kumonti workload ko HAHAHA jk). Right now, I can thing of at least five things that I should work on (and yet here I am ranting on Reddit HAHAHA)

I am trying my best to look at the bright side and stay positive. Counting my blessings, ika nga. But ngl, I am starting to hate work and it’s negatively affecting the quality of work I am submitting recently. Naiisip ko rin na ngayon pa lang, I am already struggling with the workload, pano pa pag mas tumagal ako sa firm at mas dumami pa responsibilities ko. I also don’t want to socialize with people in the firm anymore because: (i) I am sad, walang energy makipag-socialize; (ii) I fear that people are judging me na for the outputs I submitted, and (iii) ayoko ma-attach cos what if mag resign agad ako HAHAHA.
I am already thinking of quitting after less than 5 months in the firm. I think I am willing to apply for a lower position (e.g. legal assistant, admin, researcher) and suffer a pay cut just so I don’t have to work on weekends and stay up late at night. Am I giving up on firm life too easily? Tiisin ko na lang ba given that I am learning a lot in the firm naman? Or should I let my intrusive thoughts win and quit na HAHAHA. Are there people here who left their law firm agad? How did you survive afterwards?
Sorry for ranting past midnight. Will appreciate any tips po. Thank you so much! :) <3

‘27F’ I’ve realized that most people do not want to become super close friends or I should not share my life openly to protect myself. I made a mistake to share my life so soon instead of connecting on more light hearted things with ‘28M’ I’ve known last 5/6 months. Talked daily. The dynamic was me mostly reaching out to ask questions and vent and I repeatedly asked them if they’re ok with this and they had no issues. After I told friend I was suicidal & was overcoming an addiction, he put a boundary that: “we can still friend but let’s not talk about personal things again” “your issues are negatively affecting my mental health”. I’m aware I take things too literally. I completely understand him. Because I’ve experienced a lot of trauma and chaos not everyone has capacity for the real me. I will have to connect with most people on common interests until I meet my soul tribe and have been making new connections and trying to actually connect and never trauma dump
I also deal with abandonment issues and told him this hurt me and I needed space to build a larger social support circle that isn’t just him and my family that’s in another city
I don’t want to connect to people on surface level things. Or more so don’t have the energy to rebuild the connection into something healthier. He called the suicide hotline to check on me which im grateful for
However I believe he and the people in our group think I’m crazy and mentally unstable. I am not. I think the group and I are just not aligned. In future I wouldn’t share my life so openly.
TL;DR: Feeling rejected - do I ‘27F’ have the right mindset to not continue a friendship after they placed a boundary when I became vulnerable about my mental health? For him to tell me: “we cannot talk about personal things for my mental health, let’s talk about food” I understand where he comes but this hurt me and I feel like I’m settling

So at the climax of Revenge of the Sith, when Anakin has gone all 9/11 and is flailing about in his lifelong misery while taking the galaxy down with him, he and Obi-Wan start arguing about political differences, religious beliefs, and whether it’s morally acceptable to murder hundreds if not thousands of people along the way to get there. Obi-Wan takes the valid stance of it not being cool, and makes it clear he’s going to fuck Anakin’s shit up for all his dark deeds. Anakin is eager for this because as said above, he’s riding high on FUBAR as a state of being and seeks the catharsis/validation of beating someone he can project all his problems onto. Thus, we get the baddest lightsaber duel there is, and you know the rest.
Now a lot of the time, people drag their knuckles about the line “Only a Sith deals in absolutes” and how it’s some kind of indicator of inherent Jedi hypocrisy or dramatic irony or George Lucas being a hack or what-fucking-have-you. I don’t really care because I think it's stupid, as Jocasta Nu illustrates for us here, and it’s not the point I want to make. Instead, I’d like to draw your attention to the line Obi-Wan drops before: “Anakin, my allegiance is to the Republic, to democracy!”
Nice delivery by Ewan aside, the meaning of this line is pretty clear: that Obi-Wan, in the face of Anakin flying completely and absolutely batshit off the handle into Divine-Right-of-Kings-For-Those-I-Love, is declaring himself an ally to the Republic and democracy specifically. That he is a very pro-democracy individual and considers it a part of the Republic. Which, cool, because Anakin is totally bugfuck nuts at this point and anything he believes in is probably bugfuck nuts as well so it’s smart to avoid it.
The thing is though, that Obi-Wan is wrong. Actually, he's not just wrong, he's speaking nonsense that is genuinely complete nonsense to hear from a Jedi in the Prequel Era Republic. Because let's recap a few details:
The Jedi Order of the Prequels inducts their initiates as infants or toddlers, with an aged nine Anakin being considered way too old. Now it's their prerogative to take students as they wish (though the thousand years of uniformity unsurprisingly severely backfires), but generally speaking, children under nine are learning things like what's acceptable to put in your mouth and how to read, write, and use the bathroom. The ability to choose "make me a Jedi for life" is genuinely nonexistent for them, so right off the bat, one of the basic democratic cornerstones is also nonexistent for them. It's also not like the Jedi are just Space Catholics/Buddhists: they are explicitly raised and taught to serve the (increasingly corrupt) Republic and its (gradually growing in obscenity until they have to violate their identities as peacekeepers) needs. The actual ability to choose for Jedi is already in the negative double digits.
And for whichever one of you that's breaking their keyboard typing about how Jedi can leave if they want, I'm already aware, thanks for nothing. The thing is that A.) the ability to be able to refuse to participate in something you did not actually sign up for is what I would consider the absolute bare minimum, B.) it doesn't change the part where they don't make the choice to join to begin with, and C.) given how Jedi are taken into the Order usually before they even begin forming concrete memories, we can probably assume that's the reason so few do. When you're raised in that environment for your entire life, the choice to leave is synonymous with abandoning everything you've ever known, which is pretty terrifying.
Moving on: in the Jedi Order, the positions of authority are broken up between the Grand Master (who leads the entire Jedi Order), the Master of the Jedi Order (who is the leaderepresentative officer of the Council), and the Jedi Council. Let's talk about how the buck of leadership is passed around these people, and how there's frighteningly little oversight for the vast majority of the Jedi. Pay attention to the bold words.
The Council is made up of twelve Jedi Masters, including the Grand Master and Master of the Order (this was Yoda and Mace respectively in the PT) who historically are the same person holding both titles. In ROTS, Anakin serves as the senate-appointed representative, an extreme breach of tradition and what sends the Council into dealing with Palpatine's dictatorship (long after the Chad Mace Windu had sobered up to his increasing power and the problems of the war in the EU). While there's no 13th chair made for him, it's never clarified who Anakin was replacing or why there was an open spot at the moment. Though we can probably assume it was due to a wartime event, like the previous Council member being violently executed with a planet full of civilians on the HoloNet by the Separatists as part of their terror campaigns a week ago, it ultimately doesn't matter because this isn't about him.
The twelve seats are split between five lifetime members, four long-term members (and the end to that term is entirely decided on what's the "approved end date", not an actual hard number), and three limited-term members (that limit is not stated). If a lifetime appointment member dies, then it's possible for a long-term member to succeed them or for the Council to choose another Jedi Master at their own discretion, and the long-and-short-term members can be elevated to another position in the Council and have their term extended. The Council, in addition to serving as the liasion between the Jedi and the Senate, are also responsible for deciding when Padawans have progressed to the point of being ready for the Trials to become a Jedi Knight.
(Before I get some wannabe trying to blast me in the comments for using supplementary material to make an argument, take a look at the lineup of the Council in the movies. In the ten year period between TPM and AOTC, there have been only two switches in membership (which in extended material usually involves both being killed), and the three year period after AOTC leading up to ROTS being a war makes it questionable whether term limits became a thing, or Council members just stepped down or got killed off. Not really ideal).
Now notice how, nowhere in the above, is there a "members of the Jedi Order vote for who should be on the Council" option. Even if you want to argue that there should be a qualification factor, like say, holding the rank of Master, that still leaves a large candidate pool open where the actual rank-and-file of the Jedi could decide who they wanted making decisions. We're talking about a group that's supposed to be at least 10,000 members strong at this point, I somehow believe there are enough people willing and capable of leadership given the opportunity. Let alone the idea of immutable, set term limits.
Instead, it's basically just Yoda (also: very telling that the dude who probably only missed a four digit lifespan due to an unholy amount of trauma and misery at the tail end of it is a key decision maker for everything) and a couple of other people (who very well might have similarly lengthy lifetimes on account of being aliens) holding onto power for insanely extended periods of time and selecting who else gets to hold on to power for insanely extended periods of time at the whims of this inner circle. This is obviously a little less than preferable for how leadership should be handled, and that's not even taking into account how the Council seems to be the only real governing body of the Jedi Order.
But let's sidestep how completely anti-democratic the Jedi Order is internally, and focus on its external agency. The Jedi, despite being members of the Republic and a key cornerstone of it as a government institution, are never shown able to participate in the Senate in any meaningful way, shape, or form, such as actually voting for senators to be representatives of any star system. Let me remind you, this is the same senate where megacorporations get to have their own seats, so we aren't exactly talking about a sacred and honorable institution here.
Even if you want to assume the Jedi wouldn't want to influence the elections of systems they technically aren't part of (because of the above-mentioned total removal from their homes and cultures to become Jedi), there's an enormous leap between that and the basic ability to vote for who you'll be taking orders from. Why can't the Jedi have a voice in the government when Space Exxon gets to have their own senator? Even if it's just something as basic as "participate in the vote for who will become Chancellor of the Republic", that would be A.) an enormous leap towards the Jedi Order getting to participate in a democracy, and B.) exercising the absolute bare minimum of power in the system they are part of and help uphold. Maybe if there had been Senatorial Representative Jedi Master Shii-Par Kewwll in the PT, they could have turned the vote against Palpatine in TPM! Or advised Jar Jar against giving Palpatine emergency powers in AOTC! But nah, we can't have the defenders of the Republic decide anything about how it operates, that's too much.
Actually though, scratch that, the Jedi wouldn't actually be participating in a democracy even if there was a Senatorial Representative Jedi Master Shii-Par Kewell. Because according to the Prequels worldbuilding, senators don't even have to actually be selected by the systems they represent. Let's look at Padme's case: She is supposed to represent the Chommel sector of the Republic, a system that holds about thirty-six different planets. You would imagine then, Padme had to be elected by all of them, or some other selective process, to act as their representative, no?
Nope. The only system we are ever informed of regarding the election of senators is that 1/36th of their constituency-in this case-their home planet's ruler-has them serve as the representative. Even if Padme is from Naboo, that doesn't make her part of the Queen's administration if she serves as the senator of the entire Chommel sector. The fact we only get one other named political representative for the Chommel sector in Jar Jar, who is representing the second species of Naboo, doesn't suggest much involvement from the other planets they are supposed to be serving.
Hell, Padme herself wasn’t even democratically elected if we go off her own account of Naboo’s post-TPM political history. After she served her second term as Queen, the population wanted to abolish term limits to keep her in power, which she refused to accept and the next Queen, Jamilla, was elected. Queen Jamilla then has Padme become their senator through the tried-and-true democratic process of…requesting her to serve. Nowhere is the mention of other candidates, an election, anything that isn’t just the monarch asking the previous monarch very nicely if she’ll take over the job for the entire sector.
It also bears noting that the only reason there is a current monarch that’s not Padme is because Padme refused to follow the people’s wishes, which were to break term limits on the monarchy for her to stay as Queen…which can be summarized as “one person making everyone else agree”. Now, that’s not to criticize Padme for preserving what shreds of legitimacy Naboo has as a government, but breaking term limits so someone can spend fifteen years total controlling policy is nuts. From fourteen to twenty-nine, Padme has massive control over Naboo’s politics, which is an insane amount of time even if people had wanted her to serve another term as Queen and presumably were all in on her being Senator as a result. Even if the people had wanted it, there not being a formal election means that this system is just begging to be abused. Wonder how Palpatine got his start, huh…
So to recap: if you’re a Jedi in the Prequels, you have been picked up from when you were very small to be raised in a system you will have no conceivable influence on at any point in your life. As part of that system, you are also taught to serve another system you will never have any conceivable influence over, and it’s very likely that the vast majority of the populace that make up that system don’t have any hope of conceivably influencing it either. This is the amount of agency you will have over your entire life, unless you decide “hey, I’m going to leave now, can I keep the lightsaber so I can fight off the wolves I’m being thrown to?”, which the Jedi at least have the good will to offer as an option in contrast to the Republic. Turns out that when Anakin’s starting to talk about authoritarianism in AOTC, he’s actually just telling Padme about how the Jedi and Republic operate as institutions, and how the daily life of the average member of both is just getting teabagged by everything ever. There was never any democracy to save in the Republic, the characters are all living in a shared delusion that cracks on an accelerated timeline when Palpatine starts his Sithma grindset, and the only solution was to send Anakin in with a flamethrower and let him cry himself out burning everything down, so the ashes could be used as soil and his tears as water to grow something better with.
I should probably be clear that I don’t get the sense much of this was intentional. Lucas often flip-flops in his BTS commentary about the Jedi, and that’s without getting into how it actually plays out in the stories he writes. Despite the Republic and Clone Wars being a deliberate criticism of America, a lot of the politics are muddied and not really fleshed out for the audience. The lack of interest in Padme as a character is clear for everyone to see, so it’s no surprise a lot of her story has more than a few headscratchers. I think it’s clear there’s a lot of stuff in the PT that wasn’t completely thought out or put together well, and this is another instance of such a thing occurring.
Ultimately to me, it doesn’t matter too much what that intent was. If your takeaway from the Prequels is that the Jedi and Republic were hopelessly fucked from the beginning and both systems needed to be entirely flipped on their heads to even begin to be democratic, all that matters is that you can back it up from within the films themselves, as I have done with the above. The point is, the Jedi and Republic were not soulfully democratic in any sense, their defenders and allies were not supporters of democracy as a result, and Obi-Wan took yet another L. It’s just how he rolls, gotta love that for him.
TL;DR: A lot of the ways the Jedi operate as an entity, and their dynamics with themselves, in service to the Republic, and outside parties as part of the Republic, makes far more sense when you read about how George Lucas considers them to be peacekeepers in the same way mafia dons are. Based Nute Gunray, dodging an offer he couldn’t refuse in TPM?
(Also if you come away from this post thinking it’s point was “OP is saying the Jedi are bad/evil” and I see that shit in the comments: you’re a moron. This post has sailed over your head. You have the same level of reading ability and intelligence as the Avatar movies do cultural impact. Go outside and touch the grass.)

First off please allow me the indulgence of gratuitously apologizing for the poor quality of my English. It is my thirty-seventh language and I struggle with only having a PhD in linguistics but not English specifically, although I am the editor of an academic journal published to teach the nuances of British vs. Australian vs. Indian vs. American English as well as a treatise on the differing use of “y’all” in North and South Carolina. All of which is to say that mistakes are to be expected and perhaps even celebrated for my courage in posting here in spite of my tenuous hold on the grammar, vocabulary and written expression of English. So thank you for your patience. As well, this is the very first time I have ever used, seen, heard of, or otherwise encountered Reddit or indeed social media or the internet or even computers in any form whatsoever, but surely a group of strangers such as yourselves are qualified to judge me and it is purely coincidence if I happen to structure my post exactly how you expect. That said, I am using throwaway account because everyone in my life spends 23 hours a day on Reddit and have Truman Show-levels of analysis about my posts on my main account. All the names are real though. I’m posting on my desktop computer but just don’t care about formatting. This is a simple tale, about me (M, 20), my identical twin cousin wife (F, 20), our twin sets of twins (M/F, 9 months 3 minutes, Jaxson and nosxaJ, and F/M, 0, Anna and annA), our great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother (F, dead), our cat (Whiskers, M, 3), our dog (Spot, M, 5), our axolotl (Steve, NB 1), the Three Stooges (Larry Moe Curly), and my college roommate’s cousin’s sister-in-law (AFABAB (assigned fabulous at birth)). It’s important to preface this story with an exhaustive recounting of every moment of our collective lives from the moment we entered the world until picoseconds before hitting post. Unfortunately the sub cuts off posts with more than this exact number of characters so you’ll have to go without. Anyway everyone in my family including my identical twin cousin wife keep their finances to themselves so I don’t actually know if anyone has a job or how they pay for food and rent. It honestly surprises me that other people are even home when I go into the kitchen from my dear close friend’s art room, my gaming room, my Iranian yogurt room, my yoga studio, or my three garages that hold my collection of CVS receipts, unclipped plastic six-pack rings, and brake dust from 1983-1986 Honda Civics. So earlier today when I was unrolling a pristine 3-yard-long CVS receipt from store 862 for two jolly ranchers and the return of an unsatisfactory poop knife, my identical twin cousin wife asked me what time it was. I told her 10:13 but it was actually 10:14. She ended up missing her Uber to the hospital to give birth to our third set of twins (salamanders Tom and Kathryn) and now our entire family is blowing up my phone — in the last 40 seconds I’ve had to defuse 18 thermite bombs, 12 fragmentation grenades, and 27 used coconuts. So AITA?

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Hopeful_Picture586 posting in AmItheAsshole and her user account
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 1st June 2022
Update1 - 2nd June 2022
Update2 - 16th October 2022
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AITA for refusing to go to my daughter graduation ceremony
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I (40sF) have a daughter (18F) who I’ll call Belle. When she was younger, her father (broke up before she was born) was very involved in her life and she was admittedly a “dad’s girl” but this all changed when she turned 8 and he got married. He barely called and just abandoned her for his new family. This was obviously hard on her and she rebelled a lot. But she went to therapy and seemed good. Belle has not seen him since she was 12 and he speaks to her maybe 3 times a year maximum. When he calls, she believes he is now back in her life for good then he ghosts her for the remainder of the year. This being said ,Belle and I have a great relationship, we do everything together. She even refers to me as her best friend so I’d say we have a good relationship.
Recently was her graduation and I was excited. But then she came to me a week before and told me she is going to invite her dad and his son. And cos her dad doesn’t want to see me, I can’t come. Belle told me that was the only way he was gonna go. I angrily told her, I felt betrayed and wont forgive her for this. She just told me I have been there for many of her milestones and she wants her father to experience some too. Things got heated and we argued.
The night before her graduation, I pleaded with her but she ignored me when I spoke. And only said “I’m sorry but I’m not changing my mind. I left and cried until my sister offered to take me out during the graduation to take my mind of it and I agreed.
I woke up the next morning to my daughter bawling her eyes out. I looked at the time and realised the ceremony starts in 5 minutes. I asked Belle why she hasn’t left yet. Belle then tells me her father ditched her and isn’t answering anymore. I hug her and tell her to make the most of her graduation. She looked shocked and asks if I’m not going to the ceremony now her father isn’t anymore .
And how it’ll be embarrassing to be the only one there without parents. I told I’m sorry that I already had plans. She then screamed and called me a bad mom. I apologise once again and got ready to meet my sister. I chose not to go because I felt betrayed and wanted to teach her actions have consequences, even if it broke me that i didn’t go. Since Belle returned she hasn’t spoken a word to me. And she looks depressed and like she’s been crying for ages. I’m starting to regret not going.
My sister says I did the right thing, but one of the moms at my daughter school said she was depressed at graduation and now I feel bad that I ruined what was suppose to be a day to remember because I wanted to teach my daughter a lesson. So aita?
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Comments
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Mad_Cowboy_64
NTA. You gave her an important lesson about maintaining relationships with the people who are there for you and not blowing them off for the next new thing that comes along.
Agitated_Cheek4890
I fully agree. Daughter treated her horrendously. Daughter might now go NC but she would be an AH to do so given how she's treated her mother. ETA: thank you for the award
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Awkward-Wasabi-9262
And OP stop apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong. The more you apologize, the more your daughter believes that her was right in her actions. At best you can say "look, I understand you're hurt and I'm sorry you're upset but this is a consequence of your actions."
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Update - 1 day later
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I don’t think I’m a bad mom for this one thing. And I accept the judgements and read everything. To answer your question: Belle does go therapy. This isn’t the first time Belle has ditched me for her dad, she been doing it for 10 years. This is the first time I have said no to her after he father abandoned her. I have asked her therapist, if Belle is being manipulated. and she said no based on Belle and her father’s messages, and my daughter is just grasping onto a reality that isn’t there
Update: I went to my daughter and apologised for not going to her graduation. I also explained that it is not a nice feeling to be left out and I feel under appreciated. Also, that is fine to want her father there for her, but I should too. Belle told me that she’s sorry things ended this way and that she loves me(hugged me)and wants things to go back to normal. And that she acted like a bitch. I told her nevertheless I should have been there and if I could do this all over again, I would’ve gone. ( honestly I said this as I thought she now knew her dad can’t be trusted- and I felt for her).
Then I asked her if she regret uninviting me in the first place and unsurprisingly she said no. This hurt me but I figured it was because I didn’t go so it was understandable. But no, she continued saying that it was probably best I didn’t go because she would’ve been more miserable as she would have preferred her dad to be there anyway. Then I got pissed( I didn’t show it). I told her my feeling were hurt, especially since I’ve been there for her.
And she said that she’s always going to want her dad there for her big moments. I asked, even at the expense of me and knowing he most likely won’t show. And she replied “ I mean if I have to make sacrifices, I’m going to, to have my dad there. I repeated the question as she seemed to be swerving it but she just shrugged and went on her phone. I told her not to expect everyone to apologise and turn a blind eye when she doesn’t value them in the real world. And i also said, knowing how she feels, don’t expect another apology from me and this is the last time I’m doing this. She looked tear eyes but I left.
I don’t know how other parents do this. I know her father is going to keep abandoning her and honestly I’m at my limit. And If I didn’t know whether I was wrong or not before, I definitely know I was right in not going. I know I’m going to get a lot of backlash saying this but I’m bitter and angry. I understand wanting her dad there but I should be on the same level of importance as him. I’m still going to be there for her when he inevitable ditches her again but if this behaviour carries on to her next graduation or wedding day. I can’t say I’ll be that apologetic to her. I should’ve just listened to NTA.
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Comments
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Alibeee64
Can I ask why her dad didn’t want you at the ceremony? It sounds like you don’t have an issue with him, but he obviously has one with you. Perhaps your daughter needs to work to understand this, as he seems very vindictive. If she doesn’t learn to set boundaries with him, what is going to happen when he makes similar demands at other important life events like college graduation, or her wedding? Is she going to expect you to keep letting her run over you emotionally in order to accommodate her dad’s crazy demands, especially when he keeps letting her down. And is she going to spend her life chasing after men who emotionally distance themselves from her because her relationship with her father has taught her to do this?

OOP: Honestly we broke up on good terms. I haven’t spoken to him in years though. And when I have seen their messages, it’s always small talk and nothing about me. So I don’t where this came from.

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Update - 4 months later
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I’m sure no one asked for this update but here goes.
I’m going to refer to Belle's father as Frank.
For the past few months I’ve done a lot of reflection. Although, I can’t say I regret not going to B’s graduation ceremony, I do wish I handled the situation more like an adult. Growing up, I was taught never to ask questions I don’t want the answer to and that is exactly what I did with my daughter. I shouldn’t have asked if she regretted uninviting me because truthfully I didn’t want to hear the answer. And for that, i think I acted childish.
To clear up some misconception: I don’t speak to Belle’s father simply because he refuses to be cooperative. Also, when I said Belle referred to me as her “best friend”. This doesn’t mean I treat her like my equal. I do parent her, she did get grounded and got her phone taken away when she misbehaved at school etc( which is rarely). I think she calls me that because she feels comfortable to talk to me about everything.
Now to the update: There was an incident after, where Belle wanted her dad’s help her move into her college apartment before term started but he refused because he “had work”. She begged for weeks. The whole 3 hour ride to her college was her crying hysterically. My sister consoled her but if I’m being honest I was pissed. Pissed at my daughter as she refuses to go therapy anymore, but seriously pissed at my ex.
It took me ages after graduation but I finally got in contact with F’s aunt. I explained the situation and that I need to get into contact with him as he’s either ignoring or not getting my messages. He ended up sending me a very long letter. In a small nutshell, it said that my daughter has been stalking and threatening him and his family and he’s been trying to have a healthy relationship with her but she keeps being aggressive so he had to distance himself.
He acknowledges he hasn’t been the best father but he tried for the past few years and Belle is too aggressive so he had to put the safety of his family first. As for the graduation, he wrote that he definitely refused to go. And only said it was probably for the best as I probably wouldn’t feel too comfortable with him there. He said not to contact him again and that we’ve done enough damage.
He added photocopies of messages between him and Belle, where she “says” deeply troubling things, like physical threats. Personally, I thought everything he said was BS and misconstrued. I spoke to Belle and told her of her father’s accusations. She broke down in tears hysterically and admitted that she hasn’t been the nicest to Frank’s wife and child (understandably) but she never threatened and stalked them. I was trying to calm her down. I told her I believe her and suggested therapy. Then she turned on me, blaming me for the breakdown between her and her father relationship.
She swore at me and broke stuff. She told me to stop trying to villainize her father, when I’m the problem. She called me a burden and cancer and said I should’ve stayed out of her business. I was called a bad mother and told I should burn in hell. To be clear, she was never violent towards me. She packed her stuff and left, presumably back to college. Me or my family haven’t heard from her since. I called and called but only got one message from a random number telling me to leave her alone. I told her I’m always here when’s she’s ready to talk.
It’s been 2+ months since I spoke to her. I’ll never admit this to anyone but honestly I feel relieved. My self esteem plummeted and I felt dead for the longest time because of this situation. I’m going therapy and feel the tiniest bit better. I finally went on a date yesterday for the first time in a decade, without getting guilted. In hindsight, mine and B’s relationship were no where near perfect. I don’t know what more I could’ve done but I wished I did more. She’s my child and she was a victim of an overall shit situation.
Sorry for the long update.
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Comments
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maybemaybo
I'm guessing with the graduation he likely said something like "and your mom probably wouldn't be comfortable seeing me.." in an attempt to let her down politely.
And that probably led her to go "well if I uninvite my mum, problem solved!" refusing to actually see the truth, that he won't come because it doesn't fit in with their fantasy.
I would honestly reach out to F's family member and say "pass on that he should use these threats to try and get a restraining order" because now she's cut you off, who knows how much more desperate she is to get to him.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

So, here is part 2 of my entitled employee story. We left off with discovering Sally’s retaliation of giving me trash as a Christmas gift after her latest write-up.
So, the next several weeks, I am noticing more problems, but here’s some of the highlights.

1. Ever since we had issues of the office’s checks going randomly missing, Sally had apparently decided to just stop throwing any envelope away when opening the mail. She would supposedly search the envelopes/paperwork & then keep the envelopes with the paperwork. So, instead of doing her job better, she would decide to just stop doing the job at all. After all, you can’t get in trouble for screwing it up if you aren’t doing it, right? However, this resulted in items getting left with the paperwork (which sometimes wouldn’t get touched for several weeks due to being busy) that had needed to be collected or addressed right away.
   
2. Sally’s careless mistakes continued at about the same rate (average of 2 to 3 a week). She would put deposit slips/emails with the wrong office’s report, put one office’s mail in another office’s bin, put one office’s funding papers in another office’s bin, put one office’s bills in the folder for their correspondence & vice versa, put one office’s bills in the folder for another office’s bills, put the new month’s bills in the folder without taking out the old month’s bills so they would get mixed up. I could go on & on.
   
3. Sally would still ask for help on things she shouldn’t need help on anymore, ‘cause I had helped her many times on items exactly like it in the 2 years she’s worked here. I mean, the whole point of asking for help when learning new things on a job is so you can take the input you’re given & use it to get better at the job so you don’t have to ask for help anymore. I mean, what kind of office works by their employees constantly needing to be walked through everything every day? Sally would even ask for help on things no one would need to ask for help on. For example, she asked me, “An office took a deposit to the bank without showing it on their report. How do I write that up in the letter to fax to them?” Um, exactly what you just said to me. Or another time, she asks how long she should wait before calling an office back. Well, how long do you think you should give them? Just use your good judgment. You don’t need help with that! Again, you’ve been here 2 years!
   

On Jan 26, I take the Dec bills, correspondence faxes, & timesheets out of their folders to scan them into the computer. Now, one thing the bills should always have on them are the check number used to pay for this purchase & the date it was paid. The offices themselves are supposed to write this on there, but they don’t always, which is why it is our job to write it on there if it’s missing. I had noticed when I scanned Nov’s bills around Nov 30 that a lot of Sally’s offices don’t have that info written on them. So, I explained to her what needed to be written on every bill/receipt. I now flip through the Dec & Jan bills of her offices really quick to check them. There are quite a few of them with no info written down on them. There’s strike one for noncompliance.
Another task we would do several days a week (that’s Sally’s responsibility) is to check the bank accounts online. She is to look at the bank balances & report any low balances to Greg (or me if Greg isn’t there). She is then to look at the transactions in order to see if anything looks fraudulent. Since we are a loan company, check fraud is very common for us. So, we look at the checks for anything funny-looking, & we look to see if there are any auto debits (like when you use your bank account online to pay for a bill) that would tell us if someone got hold of our bank account info.
On Jan 30, at 1:15 p.m., I asked if any of the bank balances were low (Greg was out of town for a few days). Sally said she had forgotten to check the bank accounts that morning. Weird, ‘cause you had to check the Dallas office to make sure the money we sent them had shown up. How did you get the login sheet out to look in their bank account but then forget about checking all the bank accounts? This just further cemented in my mind that she was NOT checking these bank accounts the way she should. I was 100% positive that all she does when logging into these bank accounts is checking the balances to give to Greg but then never checks the transactions. I know this ‘cause, 1) I’ve observed Sally only logging in to write down the balances & then logging back out (she had some flimsy excuse ready when I asked her about it), 2) there have been auto debits that appeared in bank accounts that we didn’t find for weeks until I happened to see it for some reason & guess what? She never pointed those out to us, & 3) Sally hadn’t bothered to check the bank account balances since Greg was out of town, so clearly she only felt the need to check the balances. There’s strike two for noncompliance.
& even more bad mistakes or decisions:

1. At the end of Jan, we discovered that Sally had mailed the employees’ W2s to the managers’ home addresses instead of to the offices to distribute to their employees!
   
2. We had an office that moved locations to right across the street, so the only thing that changed in their address was their street number (12 Main Street instead of 11 Main Street). I explained this to Sally & gave her an updated list of the office’s addresses. 3 weeks later, we get a call from that office saying that mail we send to them keeps going to their landlord’s house. I check the address labels Sally had created for herself. Sure enough, it had the wrong address on them. I go to grab the lease, & at the top is where the tenant’s new address is listed. & all the way at the bottom of the page in the paragraph titled “RENT” where it lists where to send the rent is the landlord’s home address. & that’s the address Sally had chosen to be the new office’s address on her address labels.
   
3. Sally hadn’t been faxing the offices to ask for bills/receipts that never made it to us.
   
4. I used the last towel on a roll of paper towels, so I went to the cabinets to grab another. We were out. Sally is in charge of keeping track of supplies that need ordering, so I go to Sally & say we’re completely out of paper towels, we need to order some. Sally response: “No one ever tells me when they grab the last roll so I know when to order them.” Um, excuse me, since when is it our job to tell you to do your job? It’s your responsibility to keep track of supplies. You should be checking the level of paper towels, toilet paper, Kleenex, etc., to see when you need to order them.
   

So, I knew she needed a second warning write up for carelessness cause of the numerous mistakes since the first warning write up in the middle of Dec, & I would be giving Sally a first warning write up for negligence cause of her not asking the offices for missing bills & not writing the info on the bills I had told her to do at the end of Nov. However, it was only a few days from Feb, which was the time for performance reviews. So, rather than doing a write up now & then in a week or so doing a performance review that was one of the worst performance reviews I’ve ever heard of, I decided to just do it in one fell swoop. You know, just get it all out of the way with one bad conversation, one bad day, & then both of us can hopefully put it behind us & move on.
I decided to do the performance review & write ups on Feb 5 (Monday). It went much smoother ‘cause Greg was there, so Sally couldn’t really give me lip or lash out by showing attitude & anger like she had previously.
On Feb 7 (Wednesday), I log in to get the transactions for an office who is switching banks. I wanted to get an updated list of outstanding checks so they know how many checks are left before they can close the old bank account. & what do I see? Someone had used the bank account to pay $100 on their AT&T bill. I call the office & find out it was actually them, so no fraud there. But I then ask Sally if she had seen that when checking the bank accounts. She said she didn’t remember. Obviously, I have found my proof that she is either not checking them or isn’t paying attention when she does. I have a discussion with Greg about it, & we decide I need to have a sit down with her about her not doing her job. She is sick on Thursday, so I plan to talk with her the next day she comes in.
On Feb 9 (Friday), I begin the conversation about checking the bank accounts & how important it is. I am planning to say things like, we expect you to do this job, you’ve been told multiple times to do this task, if you’re not going to do the job, then you’re welcome to go find another one, etc. But she cuts me off at the beginning with an excuse of, “Well, I didn’t know what I should be looking for, now I know.” & it broke me. She does this exact thing every time I have to have a conversation with her. She has an excuse ready to go on the tip of her tongue, always spins it around so it’s not actually her fault. It’s always, “Well, I didn’t know that, but now, I do.” & I was just done. I didn’t continue the conversation, even though I needed to, ‘cause I just broke down in tears from the stress of having to discipline her & knowing that nothing will ever come of it, but having our hands legally tied to be able to fire her right now. I cried nonstop for over 4 hours.
On Feb 12 (Monday), I sat down to continue the conversation, this time with a written statement for her to sign.
Me: You respond a lot of the time that you don’t know how to do things, which is very frustrating, ‘cause you’ve been shown multiple times how to do these tasks. It’s very inefficient & wasteful that I have to constantly check all of your work & retrain you on the same thing over & over again. This needs to change. This job is about accuracy & accountability.
Sally: You’re not giving me a chance to improve. I never hear “Good job,” from you. All I ever hear is, “You’re doing a bad job, sign this paper.” I get in trouble every time I ask for help, so I guess I’ll just follow the instructions & hope I’m doing it right.
The problems with that response:

1. You’ve worked here for 2 years, Sally. You’ve had plenty of time to improve.
   
2. The reason you never hear “Good job” is ‘cause you’re not doing a good job. How am I supposed to tell you “Good job,” but also need to give you a write up for doing a bad job? If you’re getting multiple write ups for doing a bad job, don’t you think that’s a sign that something is wrong? I mean, she thinks that managers should be telling their employees good job on everything they do right. No, you’re expected to do these tasks. We’re not going to congratulate you every time you do your basic job requirements like some toddler that needs constant positive reinforcement so they know that doing something right is a good thing! You will hear “Good job” when you are doing a really good job on something, when you go above & beyond!! I mean, do you think Greg tells me “Good job” when I’m just doing my job as expected?!! NO!!! I’ve never had a manager constantly tell me “Good job” all the time!!!! (Whew. Sorry about that. Kinda went on a crazy rant there. I’m good now.)
   
3. Here’s another example of her mentality of “if I don’t do the job, I can’t get in trouble for doing it wrong.” She’s going to stop asking for help instead of using the help I’ve given her to do better. I mean, if you’re making these mistakes when you ARE asking for help, how many more are you going to make when you stop asking for help? How does this make any logical sense?!
   

Well, here’s another chance for some malicious compliance. She claimed she didn’t know how to check the bank accounts, right? Well, my job as the manager is to make sure my employees know how to do their job. So, I need to sit down with her & train her how to check the bank accounts. Again. Even though I know she already knows how to do it. So, every time you tell me that the reason why you didn’t do a job is ‘cause you didn’t know how to do it right, well, we’re going to sit down & waste both our times & annoy you having to be retrained on something you do, in fact, know how to do.
Sally continues making careless mistakes & not doing stuff she doesn’t think she should have to do. Like answering the phones. It’s her job to answer the phones; that’s something I as the manager should be delegating to her. However, she never answers the phone unless I literally can’t. So, I had asked her to start answering the phone more. She will wait until the last possible second before answering the phone. By that time, it’s already rung twice, so I have to answer it before it goes on any longer or they hang up. One time, we were both away from our desks when the phone rang. We both went to answer it, but she was closer & got to her desk before me, put her hand on the phone, & watched me until I got to my desk before she picked it up. With a comment of, “Oh, (laughs) I didn’t want to make you walk all the way to your desk.” Well, you did, anyway, you little jerk.
On Feb 27, Sally asks for help on a report. She says that my note stating the office is over-deposited $28 on report 1 but fixed on report 2 by being $28 under-deposited didn’t work out. She says that they were never over by $28 in the first place. I take the report to look it over. Her calculator tape adding up the deposits shows the bank is in balance, but I don’t see deposit slips.
Me: Where are the deposit slips?
Sally: I haven’t gotten them yet.
Me: (trying to comprehend her logic) Then how do you have the deposit amounts added on this tape?
Sally: I got the amounts from the report.
Me: You…(my brain trying not to implode at this point) you can’t add up amounts to see if the bank has too much or too little money in it without knowing what was actually taken to the bank. The amounts on the report don’t always equal what was taken to the bank.
I log into the bank account & discover just that: the report says they took $500 to the bank, but their deposit says $528. They were indeed $28 over-deposited. I then lecture her (for the second time in a few months) on the correct way to account for the deposits at the bank, that we are only to use the dollar amounts on the bank’s deposit receipt. (The first time was her getting the deposit amount from what was written on the deposit slip instead of what the bank gave us credit for on their printed receipt. The bank had shorted us $500, & we never knew until her deposits didn’t work out when reconciling the bank statement at the end of the month. We were missing $500 for 4 weeks! It’s a miracle we didn’t overdraw the account.)
Another task that we do several days a week is checking the CFPB website. This is a government website that uses federal regulations to monitor financial institutions. It’s like the Better Business Bureau, but more official. Customers can make complaints through them, prompting an investigation to make sure we’re following the federal guidelines. We have 2 weeks to respond to a complaint before it is past due.
On Feb 29, Greg just happens to be looking at an email inbox that he never checks, ‘cause after all, we’re checking the CFPB website, so he doesn’t have to look there, right? There is a complaint in 2 of the portals that have been in there since Jan 22. He immediately marches out & tells Sally about them.
Greg: Aren’t you checking the CFPB sites?
Sally: Yeah, I am.
Really? Then how come you didn’t print this complaint off to give to Greg in the last 6 weeks? She came back from lunch to a second warning write up given by me for negligence.
On Mar 5 (Tuesday), we are working on reconciling the bank statements so we can close the month of Feb. Sally brings me a Jan bank statement for an office.
Sally: This never cleared in Feb.
I look at the bank statement. It’s an electronic deposit of $254 on Jan 31. I remember this. She had asked me at the beginning of Feb why this deposit wasn’t recorded on the office’s report. I explained that since it didn’t show up in the bank account until the last day of Jan, they might not have known about it before the end of the month & so recorded it on the first of Feb. We will wait until the first report of Feb. If it’s still not recorded, then we’ll bring that to the office’s attention. & here she is, clearly telling me she hadn’t brought it to anyone’s attention all month long.
Me: (staring at the bank statement as I try to prevent my autistic brain from exploding at her while also trying to prevent a spontaneous stroke) You didn’t keep track of this all month?
Sally: Well, I didn’t know if it was treated differently ‘cause it was OTBP (One Time Bill Pay, which is the electronic deposit). (Oh, what a shocker, she once again didn’t know how to do something.)
Me: But we talked about this. If it wasn’t on the first of the month, we needed to address it.
Sally: Okay, well, now I know that we treat this the same as other deposits. (goes nonchalantly back to her desk like it was no big deal, like she hadn’t just revealed she had once again disobeyed my detailed instructions)
Me: (seeing her flagrant disregard for the seriousness of the situation & wondering just how on earth she could once again think that not doing her job would have no consequences) This is exactly what Greg talks about over & over, about how we can’t leave errors like this to sit for weeks & weeks, that these need to be dealt with as they happen.
Sally: (still as easy-going as if she had simply used the wrong color highlighter) Okay, I’ll make note of that.
Now, I am getting really pissed off. She keeps saying, “Oh, now I know that OTBP is treated the same as everything else.” That doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter that you didn’t know it’s treated the same! I specifically told you to take care of it if it didn’t appear on the first of Feb! It didn’t matter what kind of deposit it was! I said to tell me if it wasn’t on the first of Feb!
Now, this was right before she leaves at 3:30, so by the time I’m finished with my text conversation with Greg (‘cause he isn’t there that afternoon), she has already left. But I’m telling Greg that I have once again caught her being negligent, & she’s already had 2 written warnings about this, which means our next step is letting her go. Not to mention, her carelessness is still continuing. He said that he supports my decision to let her go. By the way, the final decision happened an hour after she left. If I had known before she left that we were indeed going to fire her, I would have done it before she left so she didn’t have to come all the way to work in the morning just to leave again.
So, on Mar 6 (Wednesday), I arrive early to work so I can be prepared. I am standing at my desk, watching her come in. This is unusual, so she frowns as she approaches me.
Me: Sally, we need to talk.
Sally: (still frowns at me)
Me: (handing her the typed up notice) We are going to read this together. “When reconciling the month of Jan, around Feb 5, it was brought to my attention that we had a deposit that hadn’t been reconciled. I gave you instructions to wait a report to see if it works out. If not, you would need to bring it to mine & the office’s attention for further instructions. This wasn’t done. It wasn’t until Mar 5 that you brought this to my attention again. You have been told many times the importance of reconciling the financials of the office. You have been warned several times of negligence. This is another example of negligence with respect to your job. All you had to do was follow my instructions. It is for this reason that it is now time to terminate your employment.”
Sally: When did you tell me to do this?
Me: (thinking, “Um, I kinda just told you when I told you do that, but, okay.”) When you showed me the Jan bank statement—
Sally: Yesterday?!
Me: You showed me the Jan bank statement a month ago when you were reconciling Jan. I told you to wait for the first of Feb & then—
Sally: You did no such thing!
Me: Yes, I did, Sally.
Sally: When does Greg get here?
Me: Around 9, like usual.
Sally: I’m calling him, ‘cause this is ridiculous. You’ve had it out for me from the very beginning.
Me: No, I haven’t.
Sally: Yeah, you have. Just like the other 2. (sets her bags at the front door, goes outside, & calls Greg)

1. How could I have had it out for you from the very beginning when we didn’t have problems for the first year & a half you worked here? If I’d had it out for you from the beginning, you wouldn’t have had a job the past 6 months. Need I remind you what Greg told you about the timesheet thing being something we fire someone for on the spot, but that Molly had gone to bat for you & gave you a second chance? Why would I have done that if I had wanted you gone from the start?
   
2. “Just like the other 2.” She’s talking about Irene (who had left in Feb 2023) & another employee (who we’ll call Phil). Phil had been fired (by Greg, by the way) for continuing to watch movies on his phone at his desk despite being told multiple times by Greg to not do that. & Irene? She wasn’t fired. She gave her 2 weeks’ notice. & we then discovered when going through the work she’s been doing as we started taking over her tasks that she didn’t just not do jobs. She would actually forge the work so she wouldn’t have to work. “A bank imbalance of $2.65? Well, I’ll just add it to the imbalance that’s been building up for who knows how many months & just label it as an over-deposit from the end of the month. That way, I don’t have to look into why the bank isn’t balancing.” But no, I had it out for them, apparently.
   
3. Does she really think that calling Greg was gonna reverse my firing her? Does she really think I would do something as drastic as writing her up or firing her without discussing it with my supervisor first? Did she really think I would do this behind his back?
   

Apparently, she did, ‘cause Greg confirmed that Sally tried telling him about all the stuff I’ve been doing to her as if he didn’t know. She hung up on him when he explained that he’s been told everything as it happens & he supports this decision.
Sally: (storming back into the office & towards her desk) I’m not signing anything.
Me: Ok.
Sally begins packing up her desk. I had known she kept a lot of personal items at the office, so I had gotten a big box or 2 out & placed them nearby for her to use to pack up her desk.
Me: We can give you a box if you need it.
Sally: I don’t need sh** from you guys.
Me: The only thing we’ll need is your office key.
Sally: You’ll get it when you get it. I’m packing my desk.
Me: Ok.
I go back to work, keeping an eye on her as she packs to make sure she doesn’t take anything she’s not supposed to or damage any company property. Sally at some point decides to use the boxes she didn’t want from us to pack up her many items. She takes both boxes to the front door where her bags are & sets them down to put the last of her things in. She picks up one box to take outside.
Sally: You are the worst manager ever. (goes out the door)
Me: (shrug)
Sally: (comes back in for the final box) Seriously, you’re the most evil person I’ve ever met. (leaves)
Really? I rank worse than the guy that beat you up? I’m worse than him?
I continued watching her to see if she’s going to come back to give up her office key. As she packed up her car, another employee had arrived (we’ll call him Randy). He had run into her on the way in & asks me if Sally quit. I explained, no, she was let go. I then see that Sally has gotten behind the wheel of her car without coming back to give us the office key.
Me: Well, I guess we’ll just change the locks.
Randy then takes it upon himself to go out to her car. He phrased it very gently by saying he wanted to spare her having to come back in to turn the key in.
Sally: I guess Molly didn’t have the balls to do it herself. (hands the key over)
& then…she was gone. Despite having to do the entire corporate office’s work all by myself & falling steadily behind little by little, I have never been more happy. I had forgotten how much I loved my job & how much I couldn’t wait to get to work. I haven’t been this stress-free in 6 months, & it feels fantastic! & the great part is, I’m not really falling as far behind as I expected to without her. Having to do 2 people’s jobs by myself is only affecting me a little. Really goes to show you how bad she was for the company & for my job when she disrupted everything that much. For example, me & her would get through maybe 5 to 6 offices’ reports between us in a single day when playing catch up after closing the previous month. One day? I caught up on 10 offices’ reports in a single day. By myself.
Oh, did I mention she smoked marijuana most days on her way to work or while on her lunch break? We could never actually prove it. But, come on, you don’t smell that strongly of marijuana on only select days if you aren’t smoking it recently. If it was leftover from the smell of your house or car, you would smell like that every day. But it was only some days she would come into work or back from lunch smelling like that. Obviously, smoking on the job. So very glad to be rid of her & her awful skunk smell. Although, I do wish her well on a new job search. I don’t wish ill on anyone, ever. But I am just glad she’s no longer my problem to deal with.
(Added 2 months after she was fired): By the way, I am actually gaining on my work. I’m not only not behind on my work, I’m actually getting it done soon enough to work on extra stuff. Also, out of the blue, we’ve started getting about 3 to 4 sales & scam calls every day since Sally left (for things like better Medicare benefits, better retirement benefits, & even one time recently where “Walgreens” was calling to ask if I still had diabetes). I’m convinced Sally signed us up for calls as retaliation. I hope they die down soon, especially as they are starting to get rude. (Our response to every one of these is “Sorry, this is a business.” This one guy responded to me with, “This is my job.” I said, “I understand this is your job, but this is a business. I am not allowed to take personal calls.” He said, “Why?” I said very slowly & firmly, “Because I’m working!” He started to say, “Can you explain to me why—” I hung up. Jerk.)

Alright I’m probably gonna get shit for this but whatever. I’ve been in recruiting since 2017 and have always had a love/hate relationship with it. I eventually got my first staffing job and it destroyed me. Like panic attacks, depression, eating disorders, skin rashes etc. I had never experienced anything like it. Mind you, I was staffing allied health across most major hospitals al over Chicago… during COVID. It was a sink or swim situation and no matter the effort I put in, the late nights, the early mornings, the working on the weekend - nothing was enough and I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get more than just the average amount of placements. (During COVID, average placements was like 10/week. My colleague was placing like 20+)
It was a nightmare and the pressure was unbelievable. The shame and embarrassment you were subject to for not having the biggest spread was too much for me. I worked my ass off and I was really good at it, but not good enough. I was good at the parts that ultimately didn’t matter. Like finding a great candidate, managing relationships well, communication, etc. But it felt like I might as well be dead if I wasn’t bringing in the dollar signs, and I get it. I just hated how sleazy it felt. My moral compass wouldn’t let me bully or trick people into these shitty contract jobs the way other recruiters did. I remember trying so hard one week and several of my talent just ghosted and didn’t show for their interviews. I got called out the blue and got chewed out because the hiring managers time was wasted as if it was my fault. My own manager rolled her eyes and asked me “do you even want to be here?” when I told her I was struggling mentally and having a hard time getting placements because candidates keep falling off. I had a miscarriage during this time. It was just a bad environment for someone like me. I became so depressed I ended up unable to even think straight most of the day and I was fired for poor performance. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I ended up doing resume review at Facebook/Meta on contract for about a year. Very simple, boring, mundane, but tedious and detailed work day to day but my team and the culture made it worth while. Worked from home, and basically set my own hours. It was amazing. But it wasn’t challenging enough and there was no room for growth and FB was rolling out tons of layoffs so I couldn’t stay.
My last position, I was a Senior (internal) Recruiter at a small/mid-sized company, filling a high very volume evergreen entry-level role, and managing two other recruiters. While I loved this job, the pressure, unreasonable expectations, volatility, crappy candidates, being blamed for everything, urgency of everything, etc. reminds me of staffing, but to a lesser degree.
I got pregnant and decided to take a year off to raise my baby. Thinking of going back to work but idk if I can take it.
In this industry I feel like you’re not allowed to admit that you don’t handle intense, prolonged stress well. Life is short and I really don’t want to spend most of time under that kind of stress, anxiety, and unhappiness. I’m not cut out for the dog-eat-dog lifestyle. There, I said it! I’m intelligent, ambitious, a great communicator and collaborator, I’m easy going and fun to work with (according to those I’ve worked with). I have so much to offer. But I need real work-life balance and an honest, challenging, but not overly stressful job.
I guess I just want to know I’m not alone, and if you have experience in recruiting that has been pleasant, and not life sucking, please tell me all about it. And if you have suggestions on other industries I can pivot to, I’m all ears.

I’m not sure what happened, but this goes beyond coincidence. As I've mentioned in my previous posts, I’ve cut ties with many fake friends and others have ghosted me. Two days ago, I was checking out a vacation spot when I had a strong intuition and suddenly remembered an ex-friend, who was a real jerk. This memory came out of nowhere, and I thought to myself, "I can't believe I used to hang out with people like that."
Then, yesterday, I got a text from this ex-friend asking how I was and suggesting we grab coffee. I was both scared and surprised, thinking, "Really? Is that you, Mr. Hypocrite?" I responded by telling himto f* off and teaching him a small lesson about humanity. We haven't spoken since 2018, and I relished the chance to tell him how toxic he is. I was so blunt that he stopped texting.
Later, I had a similar feeling about another ex-friend, let's call him Mr. Douchebag 2, childhood friend, Less than two hours ago, he texted me too. It was creepy, almost as if someone could read my mind. It happened on the same day, and these ex-friends don’t know each other and have never met.
This experience was indescribable—having an image of someone in your head and then suddenly receiving a text from them after so many years, So weird

First of all congrats to all 2024 graduates.
This is a long one so yea. My dad has always been a pretty much absent father. Especially financially, with my mom buying us everything we’ve needed , we being my sister and I. I have vivid memories of my dad calling and saying he’s come pick us up for us to spend time with him, only for him to arrive at 10 PM to give us a $10 bill and kiss good bye. we saw him occasionally. We’ve maybe been with a total of 10-20 times throughout the entirety our lives. But as we got older we realized that we weren’t a priority of his.
Right around when COVID hit though my dad began to come around a lot more. But not in the way u may be thinking. See my dad got into hard drugs, with his then gf. Lost my baby brother to CPS, and was basically homeless. So he invited himself to our home, sleeping in my moms car at night and sometimes my mom being the god send that she is was nice enough to let him come in and eat when it got colder out. This was the worst time of my life concerning my father . I saw him in a completely different light and thought very little of him. It just completely stunned me that the only way my dad would come to see his kids is if he had nowhere else to go. He , as most drug addicts was in and out of jail, until one time when he had to stay for a few months longer , and then spent a few months in a halfway house. All throughout this and before my mom never really spoke ill of my father , unless she was arguing with him about some bull shit he was doing while being a druggy and hanging around our house, like doing drugs in our basement. But she always encouraged or even forced us to communicate with him, and try to forgive/ build a relationship with him. Aswell as countless times of my mom helping this man. Giving him money, rides, clothes, and wtv else he asked for.
Well after my dad went to jail that last time and was in the halfway house, he came out a new man. He kicked his drug habit, got his CDL license and was doing great. My sister and I were very proud of him and wanted to give him another chance. We spent 4th of July with him, and hung out with him a couple more times just driving around in his car. And just in general we’re a little closer and more communicative.
Fast forward to the 2 main incidents that led to him not being invited to my graduation . So as I was heading over to a friends house one day my car cut out. My mom was at work with a client (she’s a hairdresser) so I naively thought I could call my dad. He showed up took a look under my hood and realized that id need to get it towed. So I took the initiative to start calling tow companies and try to find the cheapest one. I luckily manage to find a guy that would do it for only $65 . Which if you’re an adult you know how much of an insanely good deal that is. Whilst I’m calling tow companies my dad has spent this time complaining about my moms choice in cars , and basically blaming her for my car cutting out. And also trying to call his sister so he could borrow a tool she had to just hitch my car to her truck and tow it himself. He can’t get ahold of her so I bring up the $65 tow guy. This man starts complaining saying he can do it for free and just wait for his sister to pick it up. Anothe 30 minutes go by and nothing. So i call my mom, and ask her can she cashapp me. Of course she says yes. So I call the tow man myself to get my car towed. The entire time this man is complaining about paying $65 fucking dollars, complaining about my mom buying the car , and complaining saying I hope she doesn’t expect me to pay for this. Mind you he has a CDL license, so he’s making good money and can more then afford to pay it . He paid $30,000 for his car cash and was able to save this money up for it in only a few months, so u do that math for how much he makes. At first I was ignoring him letting him talk shit. But he just kept going on and on and on, and I finally snapped and told him to stop talking about my mom and began defending her. We got into a heated argument that ended with him saying don’t ask him for anything, and me assuring him that I won’t. I had started crying because of how frustrated I was at the situation . I was asking something so little of him and this is how he acted? And he made fun of that saying “I’m not going to cry about it either” this was the last straw and I vowed to never reach out to him again.
I kept that vow despite my moms continuous efforts to get me to talk to him/ unblock him/ forgive him , but I was done. My 18th birthday roles around a few months later. And I decided to be nice and invite him, my thought process was I’m going to college soon , and won’t see him for probably the 4 yrs that id be gone away to school. So why not just try. I didn’t ask this man for anything and just told him where the place of my party was. The time comes and my mom and I are a little late to my party about 10-15 minutes late to getting to the place. He begins texting me asking where we are , and I say we’re a few minutes late, but otw and just resend the address . He starts making excuses saying oh he has work he has to go and wtv else. I say ok that’s fine . He says oh I have a gift I wanted to give you. I say oh you could bring it later when ur off or we could meet somewhere for me to get it tmrw. The next day roles around and I ask him if he worked today and when I could meet him to get the gift. Then he starts talking bs saying, oh I already gave it to ur mom, with the child support card. I’m thinkin oh maybe he can put more money on it and did that for me , for my bday. But no he was referring to the money he is mandated to pay by the state , which he just began paying for the last year or he so he’d been driving trucks. So once I realized this I decided to tell him how bad of a father he was, and yes I did disrespect him and curse him out and I didn’t care. This was really the final straw and I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. And that I did. This is where he really fucked up though. He texted my mom saying to give me the childsupprt card for my bday. My mom uses the $400/ month he pays for our utilities and has them on autopay. And idrc what anyone thinks about that I think it’s a very appropriate use of it. Especially since she pays for wtv else we need and want with no complaints . So she tells him it’s sad that has nothing to give his daughter on her 18th birthday and not to text her phone with the bs telling her what to do with the money. Ig this upsets him because he brings up something’s of my moms past , during a time that was really hard for her. And that was it for my mom. She cut him off too, and though she has not hate for him, she says she’s done allowing people in her life that do nothing but take advantage of and disrespect her. I was relieved to finally have my mother stop pressuring me to spend time with my father, and happy to be done with the stress and pain that he usually causes when he’s around.
Fast forward to now , my Graduation was last week. I only had 8 tickets . And I had already decided to give tickets to my grandma , her 5 kids (my mom , aunts , and uncles) my sister and my favorite cousin. A few days before the graduation whilst at school, a teacher pulls me aside and asks me did Ik my dad tried to come up to my school to get a graduation ticket . I laughed this off. The day of my graduation comes and I find out he was at the place of the graduation trying to find me. I was relieved that we didn’t bump into one another because I truthfully don’t want to see him. But later I felt a little bad when thinking about how he tried to come to the school then still came to the graduation despite not being let in obviously for the lack of a ticket. I don’t know why but my mom is in the same boat feeling guilty that he wasn’t let in on such a big moment. And has began some of her old antics of saying oh can he come to ur graduation party (not the ceremony but a family celebration) my guilt however doesn’t extend this far, and I just can’t give this man yet another opportunity to disappoint me. So what do you think Reddit , am I the asshole?

So I'm going to say off the bat again this works for me. There's always more nuance to each case, but I just want to offer unsolicited advice. Some of it may be (and probably is) a bit flawed, but I still feel like posting it.
Firstly, I've found that the internet has been a HUGE cause of my past feelings of loneliness, depression, or otherwise just emotions that inhibit me to enjoy my life. All I ever heard was you need friends, you need people or you should logically just feel like shit. The thing I didn't understand until now is, it's all bullshit.
Now this isn't to say we shouldn't feel lonely, but man we really just need distractions, we need focus, something to get completed honed in on that pulls us out of the neverending thinking-mode and makes life fun. We need to change our way of thinking of ourselves most of all, instead of thinking about every single tiny flaw we have, we need to think of ourselves much higher. Not like an inflated ego, but high self esteem. In order to feel good and be happy in your day to day life, you need to believe you have the capacity to do so first.
Now of course, each person's case is entirely different. Some people have developed neural pathways and reactions to things that are just so ingrained that it simply not as easy as flipping a switch and presto, you're happy. That being said though, I do think this is the right path to feeling better honestly.
And one of the most important things I've realized is your mind doesn't know anything, like at all. I mean we know things like leaves are green and pain hurts, but we can't predict the future, we can never have certainty, and to me personally this is a blessing more than a curse because it means we're not completely hopeless no matter how long a painful experience persists in our lives. This is not saying the same old "it will get better" because that would be hypocritical to what I just said, but it does propose the possibility of change, which is all I think we need to get moving.
Other than that it comes down to discipline, and while we shouldn't take this too seriously to a fault where we return to scrutinizing our every action and it's mistakes, we should adhere to a certain set of habits we want to adopt highly enough that we learn overtime to say no to comfortable things. Say you want to lose weight for example, try eating later in the day and build that habit of taking control of your mind, that will get a bit easier each time as your mind gets used to not having it's fix.
This is just my two cents, maybe it'll help nobody and maybe some of it is a bit wrong but I felt like sharing it just cause. Hope whoever reads this has a good day.
p.s. also journalling actually does work, which I thought was just a self-help fad, but no it does wonders if you put all your thoughts onto paper.

I had made up my mind that I would never complete... I couldn't help but shake the thought that I may regret it one day... So, with a little push from my professor, I completed for the first time yesterday. I'm 6'5 215lb 39 yo hobbyist, until yesterday...
I had no expectations, and for the most part wasn't nervous, however, the only kind of nervous I'd ever experienced in my life was "test taking" nervous. This was a different level. I had been told "it's just open mat", and maybe from a jiu Jitsu perspective it is... But, the feeling of the moment was nothing like I've ever experienced. I went 0-2 and didn't make the podium.... About 2 minutes before walking on the mat, I felt like my body was just shutting down. Tunnel vision, rigging ears, no strength, week legs, dry mouth... All this to say; I'm sure most of you who compete have felt something similar your first time, but the closet thing I can compare this to, his hearing about intimacy (catch my drift) your whole life, imagining what it would be like, then finally doing it for the first time. You just don't know how your body will react until you just get out their and do it, feel it. I can't say I'm going to rush out there and do it again soon, but I can see how people get addicted to this. ✌🏻ᚱᚽᛆᚿ

I have seen to many "nice guys" get mad they are not getting laid well i have good news i have a step by step guide with examples to help you (WARNING if this doesnt work you a did somthing wrong or b i dont know to be honest just cope)

1. on the first date be kind open doors be polite ect (dont expect to be laid you abosute idiot)
   
2. during the date find out things she likes and find things you both like (this is inportant later)
   
3. ask if shes allergic to anything (super inportant later)
   
4. at end of date tell her you had a good time and would love to go on a second date (if you had a bad time find diffrent person and go back to step one)
   
5. if you text and she doesnt reply or leaves you on red DO NOT KEEP TEXTING wait for her to reply not doing this makes you look clingy
   
6. do not send anything risque unless she sends somthing risque first ie dont say anything sexual unless she says somthing sexual first and NO UNSILISITED DICK PICS
   
7. if you follow steps 4-6 correctly you might get a second date have this one be more chill like to a arcade skating rink think of something you could bring a little kid to that adults could have fun at too ask if the girl wants you to pick them up they'll ussally say yes
   

8.have your convos more about eachothers life ask things like do you have siblings did you go to collage ect.
9 if your doing things at the date (for this example were gonna use roller skating) ask if the person needs help ie do things in ways to need physical contact like hand holding (DONT GO FOR BIG THINGS OF PHYSICAL CONTACT HUGGING IS EVEN RISKEY)

1. at end of date try to kiss the womans cheek if she tries to stop you DO NOT KEEP TRYING that will be weird
   
2. when dropping the woman off ask if she wants you to walk her to the door if she says yes before she goes in give her a soft hug if she says no again dont keep trying
   

if you got steps 8-11 done well congrats the hard part is over most likely you are now actrally dating the person yes there is a diffrence but if everything went well you are now bf and gf and no that doesnt mean your done yet even though that is the hardest step now is getting closer to the person physicly and romanticly (physicly is at this point a little more inportant) your current goal is to get it were you are kissing on the lips holding hands hugging alot cuddling ect now on how to get to that

1. try to see eachother more casually like going to eachothers houses to watch movies this part is very hit or miss and has many veriations in tactics
   
2. the more you see eatchother try to initiate more physical contact ie when you see eatchother try to hug her hold her hand more try kissing her
   
3. repeat untill relationship gets more serious to a point where woman initiates more intimate things than you ie you kiss on cheek untill she initiates kissing on lips on 7 diffrent occations
   

if your here your in the home strech to getting laid but now is where we have a shift you relize that you dont just want to date this woman for sex you relize you actrally like the person and you love them you relize that you love her for her personality and stuff for the things both of you like and the things you made eatchother relize you like you relize that you actrally are in a relationship and you A no longer need help or b still need help but more on actrally keeping the relationship or C youve relized none of what i just said and in that case your unsaveable and an incel now leave this post now to my B people who still need relationship help

1. start surprising your girlfriend with presents based on things she likes (told you steps 2-3 would be inportant)
   
2. on her birthday or your anniversery (by the time your on this step it will have been between 5 months and a year) give her somthing more expensive like jewlery
   

keep repeting steps 12 and 15 and eventrally (or even before in some cases) you will have your first MAKE OUT SESSION when facing this you must be very careful because you can mess up easily so just do this

1. make out session tips only kiss her at most add tounge and rub her back if she tries to go past that then continue ie if she starts to rub your inner thigh and is going up where shes touching your cock softly caress her breast keeping your hand above all her clothes unless she says something then go from their if she starts doing more if she says stop then stop

if you got past step 17 great job from their 2 things could happen sex or you just keep making out etheir way just keep things going smoothly and eventally youll A get married or B keep dating and youll eventally have sex more A IS THE BETTER OF THE TWO AND IF YOU GET B YOU WANT A TO HAPPEN EVENTALLY from here you just do what your heart says and 9/10 times everything will go well
and if your wondering this was never about sex it was to help you relize what love actrally ment when dating if you got married in the end im proud of you if you ended up breaking up in the end im still proud of you just dont be rude after and youll find someone else eventrally if you guys are still dating but not married im proud of you no matter what if you hit step 17 im proud of you you did good

I will try to be brief, but it’s a long story. Me (31F) and SO (36) have been together for almost 12 years. We moved to another country 6 years ago. I thought I had a good relationship with my MIL although I’ve seen her crazy behavior towards others several times - She drinks every weekend to the point she starts being violent and starts a drama. She provokes people and plays the victim later. What confused me very much was that she was an awesome person when she was not drunk - so I only thought she had a tough life and depression issues (very silly of me). But in reality, I should’ve seen she doesn’t talk to any family members and she said they are all wrong and ungrateful and“treated her so bad after everything she’s done for them” - of course, she does not mention what she did to provoke them.
Fast forward to last year, she came to stay with us for 4 months. 10 days after she arrived she decided to drink on the weekend - I had gone Christmas shopping with my sister and niece and we spent the entire day out. My MIL started sending me weird messages and my husband told me later she was implying I wasn’t with my sister. This cause I huge fight and I told her to respect me at my house. At this point I started seeing who she really was. I could hear he talking shit about me with his siblings. 2-3 fights happened during this period and I felt my husband was not backing me up. I was trying to ignore all of this because I knew he missed his family so much and mine also live here so I tried to do it for him. But it was an absolute nightmare and I held lots of resentment towards him. One day she left her phone with me and - I know I was wrong - but I saw SO MUCH SHIT about me and my family in a conversation with my BIL. I also cause a huge fight and I couldn’t hate all of them more.
She ended up living early after I told her if I heard her talking shit about me she’d go to a hotel.
Once she returns, a friend told us she would spent the entire day bad mouthing me to his mom (who was also visiting) saying she was sure I was cheating on my husband with one friend of ours. My husband finally reacted and said a lot to his mom. She attacked the woman later with nasty messages and ended up blocked.
It’s been a year I’m NC with her and his brother (the other one I don’t like as well but he’s not blocked) . SO stills talks to her weekly.
I am now 12w pregnant and I hear their conversation - she always asks about the baby, never about me like I’m an incubator lol. She even said the baby looked like him (from a 12w ultrasound) 🤷‍♀️ Today I heard she asked how far along am I and when is the due date. She’s obsessed with her only grandchild (BIL’s son 9yo) and even said she wanted to take him from his mom because she’d take better care of him. My SIL NEVER leaves him alone with her, thankfully.
Anyway, I’m freaking out that she will offer to come and help and I absolutely DONT want this woman here at all. I don’t know how my husband would react if she starts insisting on coming here, he said I don’t need to worry but it’s very defensive about FMIL. I am aware I have a SO problem because she can’t manipulate him easily with her dramas. I swear I’d leave this house if she comes here. I want my mom to be here. I am freaking about this bc I remember how jealous she was of my SIL’s mom when my nephew was born. She wanted to be the first, the most important and etc. She’s also very jealous of my mom and our relationship.
If I have a girl she will be absolutely crazy because it was her dream and she had only 3 boys. I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this, but I feel she’ll ask to come here. When she left (even after all fights) she said something like “if you guys have a kid I’ll come to help. Actually, not sure if you will want bc you have your mum huh?” Which I replied “yes, I have my mom here and it’s all good”. She also cried when my husband told her I was pregnant saying she loved me and was devastated because she would never get to know her grandchild. She’s just a fucking narcissistic I dislike so much.
How can I prepare for this situation?

Edit: I'm aware my punctuation and grammar are awful. I'm crazy and uneducated and I have never wrote anything to myself so it's probably 🗑
I don't really know where I should start this one. I figured out a lot of the mental health shit and our life hasn't really improved. It's less chaotic right now but we don't really have money or any of the stuff I use to numb my brain and drown myself out. We'll make it like we always do. I know everyone said we wouldn't make it this far (including us) but I'm here and weirdly enough I'm happy about it. I'm about to leave state and start completely fresh again and I swear I won't waste it this time. We're getting back into martial arts right now which is crazy cause we haven't actually trained a martial art since middle school cause we got obsessed with unorthodox stances but I'm gonna try to do unorthodox kickboxing. Our wrist is broken rn but it's not too bad and we're getting a hard cast soon. I know you're probably thinking about it, like me but we can't tap out until our revolution is won. We don't have a girlfriend but we have a roster. That one is still no contact I guess. So the current plan is to make it big in mma and use the money to fund a revolution. Anyway they still say we're crazy and they still keep switching the diagnosis. We try to be as neutral as possible but if our therapist tells me weed is the problem again I might beat him to death with my cast. We still bounce around the same people like a mangy stray but we managed to make ourselves useful so at least that's something. We've always excelled at violence and logical thinking on top of physics being the only kind of math I could do without having an aneurysm (it was because I could understand the physical application of the math and catapults are cool) so we had to become a jack of all trades but we do have some deep interests at the moment that I'd consider real skills (so yeah fuck that school counselor) on top of that we've been making enough to get by so we're not struggling for meals anymore tho we still don't eat as much as we should.
I hope we smile when we read this
"I don't LIKE violence, I'm just good at it. I don't find trouble, trouble goes looking for me with helicopters and binoculars"- the stray dog inside of you that helped you survive

Hello all, I have recently decided to actually get treatment for my bipolar disorder (again, after a long while of thinking I didn’t have it) and I have a med appointment scheduled for June 11th. I have had more appointments with this doctor in the past but due to my instability I either didn’t go or canceled so I’ve only met her once for an eval. At that appointment she was highly concerned about my symptoms but that was back in March. I got diagnosed when I was a teen but have been back and forth with meds and have avoided them mostly.
I have never held anything down job or school wise for more than a few rocky years. I have tried to go back to school several times and either flunked out or quit. Now that I’m in my mid 30s I am very self conscious about not having anything to show for.
I am serious about wanting to hold down a real job. My question is, has anyone here gotten on meds and started a careebecome financially stable or am I forever stuck?
I really want a degree. Neither of my parents got a degree and they never encouraged me or my sister to achieve much (I got kicked out of high school as well thanks to a manic episode) but my spouses family all have degrees and he himself has two bachelor’s, now pursuing his masters.
I have rarely felt financially stable or independent. I have always been so envious of “normal people” that go to work and make a living and stay at a job even if they hate it. My impulsivity and depression never lets me pursue something and stick with it. It took me so long to figure out that this may be because of my bipolar disorder and not due to just being a flake or as my MIL said with kind intentions “I just need to have more confidence”. Like man, I wish that’s all it was.
Sorry for rambling, thanks for reading and please tell your story about getting stable and earning a degree or getting your life together. I’m currently only taking anti depressants and have been feeling weird lately. I can’t wait to get back on a mood stabilizer. I also experience psychosis at times so any advice managing that aspect will also be greatly appreciated.

I've posted about a year ago regarding my then 7th month old scratching his head and hurting himself in the process. You can find the old post here: https://www.reddit.com/Parenting/comments/139ip9z/baby_wont_stop_scratching_his_head_until_it_bleads/
Recently I've had 3 different parents that have found the post and were in the same situation, inboxing for an update/solution, so I decided to make an update post in case more parents are looking for answers. Sorry I took so long. I know the despair you feel. I assure you it will get better if you persevere. This is an extremely long post, so I have bolded the several topics, in case you don't want to read everything, so they are easier to find.
To update on my son's situation: He's now 1y and 7 months. He is allergic to milk and he has a combination of cradle cap and eczema. In addition to this, he was also born with Hydronephrosis (enlarged kidneys) which means he is limited in the medication that he's allowed to take (no ipobrufren, as an example)
The Cradle Cap situation has improved by itself, mainly by just carrying on with what we were doing. We use the Frida Flake Fixer treatment and a cradle cap shampoo (Dentinox). We've also been advised not to wash his head every day, leave it 1 or 2 days (one doctor even said once a week). For the cuts, the best thing was indeed a Vaseline barrier to help the raw skin heal. Even though it definitely stinks, the healing is the most important part. I would put Vaseline on his scalp the day before a bath, do the treatment with the Frida Brush and then I would rub a Baby Scalp Oil (Colief) to soften the flakes on the day after the bath; I would put Vaseline on the scalp the next day and he would take a bath the next day, rinse and repeat, until the cuts were healed, and I could ditch the Vaseline step. If the cut was deep I would sometimes apply Sudocream only at night after a bath and the Vaseline was removed and he'd fallen asleep so he wouldn't take it off. He still slept with mittens inside his cuffed babygrow, but he always managed to get one or two fingers out, I kid you not when I say, that sometimes I would sleep holding his hand to prevent him from scratching his head when the wounds here at it's worst. All of these steps have contributed to has improved the cradle cap lot and eventually disappeared in about a month's time. He's going trough a second outbreak now, a year later, but no where near as bad as it was then, he's not scratching himself to death.
The Eczema situation. Right....... this situation has improved for a few good 7-8 months with the Aveeno Baby Dermexa Emollient Cream. I would use it 3 times a day or more to fight of dry skin. The areas where the skin folded were the worst. Arm folds, neck folds, behind the knees, there the eczema would install and spread, That could only be controlled an Hydrocortisoid Cream, 1% w/w. It did eventually disappeared save for one spot -- just behind the right knee. He developed a habit of scratching it with his left foot. But, lets put the Eczema situation on hold for a moment, while we talk about:
The Milk Allergy situation.... Oh Boy..... this is about to get very long.....
In my previous post made at the beginning of May 2023, I stated that my son had been to the A&E (a week before the post) for an allergic reaction to porridge, so he would either be allergic to Milk and/or Gluten. We were told a referral was done to our GP for a visit by an allergy team who would walk us through to process of slowly introducing allergens so that my son would hopefully be able to safely be exposed to them in the future and advised to "only feed him vegetables and fruit". We were given an "prescription" for an antihistamine to continue the treatment and to use as an SOS in case of another allergic reaction in the future. No allergy tests were done for my son at all.
We were told that, it would take a couple of weeks before we were contacted by the allergy team and to contact the GP after two weeks if we hadn't heard from them. We waited a month and nothing. At the end of May, I went to our GP to ask for updates on this situation. Imagine my shock when the GP told me that they didn't even have ANY information about my son being in the A&E. They've spent 1h contacting the hospital to get the paperwork from the A&E that SHOULD have been sent to our GP. In said paperwork, it states that the hospital would like the GP to sort out the allergy appointment. So, no allergy appointment had been made for an entire month and if I hadn't enquired about this situation, the GP would have had no clue about the need to make one because they didn't have the necessary paperwork! I was given an apology and scheduled an "assessment appointment" 2 days later. I enquired about an Antihistamine prescription, since my son was gonna start nursery in a couple of weeks when my maternity leave would end and I needed to provide a bottle for them in case of an allergic reaction, because we still didn't know what my son was allergic to.... Lo and behold, when the GP staff looks at the hospital paperwork, it was stated that no more antihistaminic was necessary, against what we were advised, as we should have one antihistamine as SOS, I had to press the GP to provide us with an prescription (which the lady was very quick to do after seeing me ready to implode regarding this absolute incompetence) so the nursery could have one antihistamine with themselves as we couldn't keep juggling our bottle back and forth with them.
The assessment appointment which basically consisted in 5 mins of asking for details about the allergic reaction, all of which was written in A&E's paperwork and only then being referred to a dietitian's team. I was given no ETA, no info about where it would be, no contact that I could call to at least be put on a waiting list in case of a cancellation, nothing. I was only asked to wait and when confronted, the practitioner admitted that this appointment COULD have been made straight in the hospital's A&E, instead of this ridiculous and time wasting bureaucratic football between the Hospital and the GP.
You might think this was the end of the miscommunication and incompetence.... Oh oh But no,.. of course not!! I waited another month of silence. At the end of June I called the hospital's appointment hotline enquiring about my son's appointment, only to be told that he doesn't have one because a referral hadn't been made yet! I was fuming!! I immediately called the GP who have assured me that a referral has been sent to the hospital's Paediatric and gave me it's referral number and they would enquire....
If you are in the UK like I am and you see that your baby/child is being ignored by your GP / Hospital and not getting the appropriate care, then do as I did and contact PALS near your area. That was the best piece of advice that I have received from people at my local breastfeeding group, and if being a mother has taught me anything, is that sometimes, you will have to be a momma bear (aka Karen to the eyes of the target) and advocate for your child. I work in retail, I despise Karens and I have no wish to be one, I am usually a pushover. But I will not allow anyone to trample on my son's health. And while I do have respect for the NHS, seeing has my brother in law works there, I know damn well, by his own words, that the main problem is not the lack of funds, but the pockets where they go and the terrible disorganization.
At that point I had enough of excuses and I made a complaint to PALS about both the GP and the Hospital. My son was almost 9months and still breastfeeding but eating mostly Vegetables and Fruit as solid food as per A&E'S guidelines, delaying his weaning and feeding development and causing stress with the nursery and our family as we didn't know what he was allergic to and couldn't move on to full meals. I flat out asked them if they were intent on my son completing an entire year of life being fed only Vegetables and Fruit besides breastmilk, and called them out because an 8 month baby should not be put on the back burner over and over again due to the incredibly poor communication between these two organizations and have his health jeopardized. I demanded a resolution ASAP and forward this to the Paediatrician as I did not trust the hospital to be able clearly communicate between their departments and whom I suspected had not been told absolutely nothing regarding all this. Two days later the allergy team specialist rang me to personally and profusely apologise and take the situation under her control and give me her allergy guidelines which I should have been given since the beginning. I was still forced to wait until early July for a allergy test - Milk was found to be the culprit.
I still thank everything that I had enough perseverance to stick with breastfeeding and never, ever, though to look at formula. I tremble to think about the consequences, Even though I'm aware that dairy free formulas exist, me being a 1st time ignorant mother, chances were I could have picked a wrong one. Fortunately I produced more than enough milk and my son had a good latch. Also because my son was not making any allergic reactions to my milk, this meant there was a higher chance that he could grow out of his allergy, as he was still getting enzymes from the dairy that I consumed. From here on, food introduction was a breeze. He's a real foodie, he loves to eat and he loves to eat with us. Adapting our diet was a bit of work, as I have IBS and my husband is diabetic so there might be some foods that will be a trigger or might not be the most ideal to someone in our family, but we managed to strike a good balance. Vegan options do help and we are having fun exploring that.
The problems then came with the nursery. After letting them know that my son was allergic to milk and other things were fine, the cases of allergic reaction in the nursery stated to increase and he started getting very bad reactions. First we suspected cross contamination, then that he might be allergic to something else, but the foods they were saying he was allergic to made absolutely no sense as he was just fine having those at home. We came to the conclusion after several events in the softplay area - that involved no food at all - that the culprit might be their cleaning products and further pressed after two different members of staff said they themselves were allergic to that product - Milton. After several bickerings between us and the nursery and us visiting our origin country for Xmas where my son ate in 4 different household and 5 different restaurant with absolutely no allergy reaction (in comparing to the then daily cases of reaction on the 3 days that he stayed at nursery), we finally convinced the nursery to change their cleaning products - they are now using Sanell. In addiction to prevent cross contamination, my son was given his own high chair, that no other child uses. Happy to say the cases of allergy are nearly non-existent now. His recent blood results also came back with amazingly good improvements, so we got the thumbs up from the Allergy Team and the Paediatrician to start the milk ladder and slowly and gradually adding milk to his diet. Currently he's in stage one and having half a teaspoon of malted milk biscuit daily with no reaction. It will probably still be able two months until he can have a full biscuit, but I can't wait to see his smile when we get to this stage - he loves taking the little piece of my hand.
Because of the back and forth with the nursery and them insisting that the allergic reaction could be due to other foods, the allergy team at the hospital was more concerned with that than his Eczema situation. We had to insist about it, since we suspected the reactions might be Eczema instead, stating that I was still waiting for the promised skin specialist appointment since end of April last year. The lead Team Speciallist, again showed her amazing professionalism and chased up the situation and we finally got our appointment jointly with her and the skin specialist in January of this year. She gave us a few products to try but said that the Eczema situation was relatively controlled. The samples that she gave were:

• Dermol 500 Lotion - we still use this for his bath as a soap substitute
  
• Adex Gel - kind like an emollient cream, it was ok-ish
  
• Cetraben Cream - didn't seem to make any difference, but can also be used as a soap substitute so we'll give it a go after Dermol is finished
  
• Zerodearm Ointment - didn't seem to make any difference, but it has a Vaseline like quality to it, so might try again
  

About a week after the appointment, my Son had an mild outbreak of Eczema on his legs. We tried several combinations of above products that seemed to temporally control the situation but didn't complete solve it. In Early March of this year the Eczema appeared in his back. He has a huge red birthmark the size of my hand on his back, so that skin is very sensitive. He started to scratch and rub his back against things and it didn't took long to break the skin. It didn't bleed but it was oozing/weeping which would make the skin get stuck to his clothes and then get raw, so no treatment was going to work on that as it would slide off with the oozing/weeping. I despaired then as I had a year ago.
So I went back to the thing that worked last time - Vaseline. This time though, it was on a place that I couldn't exactly leave uncovered. My son was about to do some blood tests so hospital had given us numb cream to put on the inside of his elbows and some clear medical film. He had this done before and I remembered that the film had been resistant enough to keep the cream in and didn't hurt his skin, so I though, maybe I could apply the same theory. So I bought some clear medical film (Tegaderm Film), put a good chunk of Vaseline on the wound and sealed it with the film. I changed this twice or three times a day, depending if he was in the nursery or not. It worked like a charm and it allowed the skin to heal. For reference, the nursery manager, whose son suffers with really bad eczema has suggested me the AproDerm Ointment which also has a Vaseline consistency to it, but my son's situation cleared up before I had to use it.
The skin specialist by then had prescribed a treatment with another hydrocortisoid cream ( Daktacort 2% 1% w/w, needs to be kept refridgerated ) and an emollient cream - Epimax Oatmeal Cream. For the other patches of Eczema (that were not in wound), I would use Daktacord, once in the morning, once in the evening, and I would use Epimax to keep the skin moisturized along the day, whenever I would change a diaper. The skin specialist told us to keep using Daktacord twice a day for a week, then drop it to once a day on the following week, and then drop it to every other day on the week after. This has worked brilliantly and it solved all Eczema patches, including the stubborn one behind his right knee, We were able to drop the Daktacord and we now only use the Epimax emollient regularly about twice a day.
Thank you if you have read everything so far, I hope you have found something that could be of use to you. Happy to answer any questions that you might have, or if you're feeling desperate like I was and just need some reassurance, just drop me message!

From the beginning: my family and I moved into our current residence on May 6th, 2023. My husband ran into an old friend who was about to start renting one of his places. After we talked my partner text his friend, confirming our interest, and we made an agreement, setting terms, price, and other details. We transferred the required amount electronically to ensure there was proof of payment and that was the beginning of our sublease.
Now, let’s fast forward to April 2024.
My husband was outside when the property manager arrived. He got out of his car and told my husband, "You’re not the name on the lease agreement, and you’re squatting.” Did not even introduce himself just started accusing. My husband quickly corrected him, explaining that we had a sublease. The property manager then claimed, “This is supposed to be a vacant unit.” (Again it’s been almost a year at this pt)
The PM then said, "Rent hasn’t been getting paid." (He kept saying different things) My husband responded that we could show him all the receipts and that we personally knew the person to whom we had been paying rent. However, the property manager was unwilling to listen.
After being told what happened I waited for the property manager and flagged him down, reiterating what my husband had already explained. The property manager responded that whoever we had an agreement with was fraudulent and claimed we were squatters. Realizing I wasn’t getting through to him, I asked if there was anything I could do, like apply in the office. I was willing to do whatever was necessary because this situation had come out of nowhere, and I have children, so I was in panic mode.
I explained to him that I have an eviction from a few years ago, which is why we chose to sublease since it's extremely difficult to find a place. He then said, "Oh no, we can't do anything with an eviction."
He persisted about a squatter's warrant.
I immediately started calling legal counsel and found an amazing woman who, I believe, is the reason we are still in our place today. She guided me on what to do and how to prepare. I followed her instructions meticulously, putting everything she advised into a binder and keeping it by the door, ready for when the officers came. After that we have been steady moving things out in hopes we find something sooner than later.
Now fast forward to this past Thursday, the day finally arrived. I wasn’t home at the time. My husband called me to say that the officers were at our home. He said a few words, and I asked to be put on speakerphone so I could also communicate with the officers.
I explained the entire situation, similar to what I described above but in more detail. During this time, two more law enforcement officers arrived, as well as the maintenance and the property manager.
The officer asked my husband if there was anything in our name. My husband mentioned that the lights were in our name. The officer then asked the property manager, “What are you wanting to do today?” The property manager replied, “Regain possession of the property.” The officer responded, “Well, that’s going to be tricky. Come talk to me real quick.”
The officer pulled the property manager aside and explained the situation. We heard him say, “Your predecessor has to be involved. We’ve been here countless times for the same thing,” but then it became too quiet to hear the rest of their conversation. My husband said that immediately after this, the manager walked away to make a call.
The officer returned and, along with the other officers, almost in unison, said, “You’ve been scammed.” Since I had mentioned I was speaking with a lawyer they said I should definitely press charges. During this time, the property manager came back, now much nicer, apologized, explaining he had to be aggressive because his boss was pressuring him. He remembered from our previous interaction that both my husband and I work, and he said, “Come by the office and I will do whatever I can to get you in.”
One officer I spoke to later informed me that these officers have been here countless times over the past couple of months, sometimes more than a few times a week, all for the exact same issue. They all suspect something but don’t know what it is.
I got the officer’s information and I’m currently in the process of figuring out who to file charges against. Initially, I was only going to go after my husband’s friend because the manager said the rent had never been paid. However, it turns out there was a female in the office that he(husbands friend) and multiple other people used to go through, and she “took care” of everything.
During the course of all this the current property manager said multiple times they were under new management. After researching, I discovered the property management company has not changed.
Since Thursday, I have kept digging & it payed off I received a phone number to deepen the mystery. It’s someone in the same complex who got his apartment through his “friend”, not the leasing office. I called this friend, pretending to be interested in getting a place. He informed me that the charge is $1,500 and that he and his girl (possibly the same girl in the office?) handle everything. They instructed me to pick whatever place I wanted on Zillow, and ”his girl would push it through”.
The girl in the office, whom my husband’s friend dealt with, got a promotion, as he told my husband. When she left in December, she was replaced by the current PM. So it’s baffling that the new PM been here since December but didn’t know anyone was occupying our unit or the 30 others he’s been throwing ppl out of. I know it’s a long list from what I was told. Even more so how didn’t the prior manager catch this? I mean since we are all “squatters”
I don’t know the full extent of this situation or who exactly is involved, but they need to be stopped... I have no family or anyone to turn to I’m beyond stressed. I have called every number 211 has given me to try and get out and nothing. I’m so scared we will be on the street….I’m so thank the officers saw the truth and allowed us to stay I just hope it buys us enough time to find a place that will take us in. Life should not be like this people are really evil and will do horrible horrible things to make some money. Thanks for listening any advice is appreciated. I will literally relocate anywhere in the US I just want my children and my cats to be safe.

Really Tay?
Him saying he doesn’t have a strict diet plan is OBSURD. It shows that he isn’t taking nothing serious. If you are almost 600lbs and practically immobile, therefore you cannot exercise.. YOU HAVE TO DIET YOUR ASS OFF UNTIL YOU GET TO A PLACE OF BEING ABLE TO PHYSICALLY PROGRESS. And I’m sure the people he is staying with is supporting the “small changes along the way” .. but with his health he needs to make major changes ASAP before it’s too late.
Tay enjoys his life. He gets a free ride, he gets to eat whatever he wants, he gets the satisfaction of manipulating everyone.. he lays back and laughs and makes a mockery out of everyone as soon as the camera shuts off. He is and always will be a pathetic human being.

Is this a common belief in the church? I hadn’t ever heard it until my husband and I decided to stop at 2 kids and we got a LOT of pushback on it from family. Basically the logic runs that multiply and replenish means that you and your spouse have to do more than just replace yourselves, so to follow the commandment to multiply you need to have at least 3.
It’s kind of funny how much people freak out when they realize that I’m not signing my life away to have 7 kids like they did. I’m pimo, so they don’t know that I don’t believe anymore. Heaven forbid I want to have the time and money to enjoy our lives rather than struggle to get by because we had a ton of kids.
Completely insane, I’d think it was a fringe belief, but I’ve heard it from a few different people at this point so maybe it’s not so fringe. Wondering if anyone knows the origin of it?

Hello there,
How's your weekend going so far? Well, I hope things are going fantastic for you either by doing all the activities that make you happy or simply by just relaxing at home, and being lazy, because why not, right? We all deserve to be lazy from time to time (or maybe more often haha). But don't neglect the classic Sunday cleaning, and laundry, ok?
About me:
Ok ,let's start by putting a name and a face to whoever is writing this: My name is Miguel, and I'm just a 34 years old guy enjoying a peaceful, and simple life in a small town in Mexico. Here are a few pics because I know that for some people physical attraction is important. But keep in mind that those pics are all good angles and lightning, so maybe I'll have to send you a selfie after just waking up to show you my reality haha.
In terms of personality people describe me, primarily, as a really chatty, goofy, and curious person. But also as caring, supportive, empathic, and attentive. I value honesty, good communication, respect, loyalty, kindness, and empathy. So I'd love to find someone who's in the same channel because I'd love to receive what I can provide.
I consider myself a homebody type of person: I love to spend plenty of time at home watching Netflix, baseball games, interesting (they are random but I prefer to call them that) YT videos, sometimes listening to music, and I have been getting into reading recently (It helps me to sleep better). When I'm not at home I like to go for walks around town or spending time at the plaza or the park. On rare occasions I go to the city either to go to the movies, a baseball game, or just to buy clothes.
I have been slowly getting back into working out after some time dealing with injuries, so I'm taking things slowly, and being mindful about my body. Important to mention I workout at home, so if you into that we can maybe be gym buddies. Another thing I'm getting back into it is learning new languages. On top of Spanish and English, I also speak Portuguese, a bit of French, and I'm currently starting with Norwegian (people say it's easy so why not).
Last but not least, animals are a really important part of my life, especially dogs, and even when I don't have pets of my own just yet, my family and I, we take care of a couple of stray dogs, and one feral cat (I'm pretty sure my parents love them more than they love me). So cute dog and cat pictures are always on the menu.
I hope the post is not too long, but I really wanted to share some random facts about myself just to make you laugh and learn a bit more about me.
Bonus:

• I went to a Catholic school for elementary (used to get in trouble with the nuns because I was always talking during class).
• I was a teenager obsessed with Karate Kid movies.
• I broke my wrist when I was kid while playing on a slide.
• I like to do the dishes after each meal.
• I adore rainy days (you know getting wet is good right? Ok, bad lewd joke haha).
• I'm scared of heights, the open sea, and roaches... But who's not afraid of roaches, right?
• Dating tv shows are my guilty pleasure (and Mean Girls movie too).
• I had a raw bean stuck inside my nose for two days when I was a kid.
• Used to love ghost stories as a kid, and also used to scare the shit out of my cousins and friends by reading those stories to them.
• I think LOTR are the best Christmas movies.
• I cry watching emotional movies.
• Pandas are my favorite animal.

I have an older brother as well.
When I was younger my mother did a lot for me as a child she took care of me and fed me. However I noticed as time went on I noticed patterns that I started to hate her.
My mom would throw her problems on me about her marriage (they are divorced now). She would always judge every friend I ever had, sometimes distancing herself from me and staying quiet around me. She would get mad if I hung out with my friends to much or on the phone with them, Sometimes when I we would argue should would bring them up randomly saying how they changed me (I was 11 years old at the time). She would always send my older brother to go scream at me and I would be really scared. He once even grabbed me and shook me very violently. Than she would pull my older brother away and tell him not to do that.
Later on in my teenage years she would be mad if I had a girlfriend. She would pretend not to see my girlfriend and just keep walking passed them. All the time I would be dating someone she would be miserable it seemed. In arguments she would randomly tell me "If you love them so much stop telling my your problems and tell them your problems, go marry them while your at it!" When ever my relationships would end due to normal circumstances she would seem to comfort me but at the same time seemed to be a lot lighter and happier again with herself.
My brother listened to her, he did everything she said. He had no friends and never had a girlfriend and never worked. She used to be so proud of him, but behind his back she would talk shit about him and how he is ruining his own life. Yet she was the one that wanted him to stay single all to herself. My brother and my mom were always together it was bizarre.
She even used to be obsessed with my "masturbation habits and porn habits saying it was a sin" she would constantly check on me if I was doing anything. She would randomly bring it up being like "Have you masturbated today?" Like for god sake I was 16 years old!
When I got a full time job she starting treating my differently, she got aggressive with me more, started picking more fights with me. She starting saying I had anger issues (Which I did because I dealt with her so much). She would send my brother to yell and hit me sometimes but when my brother would start doing that she would start crying on the floor saying the family is tearing apart, until I would stop and do what she says.
I started to rebel when I got my full time job, I just started hanging out with friends, went on relationships and did what ever the hell I wanted, I told myself she can go fuck herself. I started acting out towards her. I started to become violent to her and my brother.
I started hitting my mother, held her down, beat her with a phone once, broke down the door she hid behind after coming into my room to yell at me that I was going out with friends and that I was changing as a person and she did not like it. My mom called me psycho, she threatened to call the police on me. I started to have dreams of murdering my mother constantly. I was tired of the life she had created for me.
She kicked me out of the house after and made my older brother stay with her, I moved in with my father across the state (We live in United States Arizona) and than moved in to my own Condo after 1 year. The reason she kicked me out was because I was dating someone and she told me that she cannot continue to house me if I kept living like that (I was 20 when I was kicked out).
A year later I still kept contact with my mom, things seemed a little better but tension was still there. However when I went to visit once at the house my brother and her escorted me around the house because they said I was not living there anymore and just wanted to make sure I did not take anything from there house. My mother even got mad when I took a shower once saying "You don't live here anymore, take it at home".
When I met my wife (girlfriend at the time) my mother had a issue with her, the first thing she told her was "Why are you with my son, you know he has a lot of problems" my wife is Arab (I am white American) so my mom used to pass comments about her saying to me behind her back "Be careful of those people, you know there families can be aggressive and kidnap you, they hold ransoms sometimes" or things like "Just make sure you don't catch a disease from them". When I told my mother I was getting married she became even worse about her. My mother and brother did not attend my wedding. On my wedding day my mother wrote me a long paragraph on how I ruined her life, she cannot believe the son she raised and how disrespectful I am to her, she even managed to talk a lot of my family to not go to my wedding. She told me you may be getting married but I am always still your mother I will always love you more than she ever will. When you were little I took care of you, I wiped up after you, I cleaned you, bathed you, fed you and this is how you repay me! After my wedding day on my honeymoon I turned off my phone. When I got back from Greece I had a wall of texts of how I am a failure, how I ruined everything for her, she hates her life now. I even heard from others that know her that she got super sick when i got married, threw up, and just in miserable now.
I decided that my wife and my own life should come first. I decided to cut contact with her, it was the hardest thing I ever did but I feel it was the best thing.
AITA for this? Sorry for the long read but I wanted to explain my story. Feels good to finally say it. You can be honest and judge, but I feel such relief ever since cutting her out and my psychy has been better ever since, no more anxiety.

Wanting to try out the Life Series myself, but not being interested in any of the community servers, I came up with my own ruleset for how to play your own Single Player Adventure inspired by the Life Series. As there aren't any other players, the objective obviously isn't to be the last survivor, instead the goal of this challenge is to survive as many sessions as possible with a ruleset you set for yourself at the start. I haven't tried this out yet, but I might soon. However feel free to try this out yourself.
General rules, that define the Challenge:

• Play alone on a Minecraft Survival World and choose a difficult. Hard Mode is the suggested choice here
• You have 3 Lifes. If you die 3 times the challenge is over and you are only allowed to view your world in spectator mode
• Every play session has a fixed length. For the Life series they use 3 hours plus a break. You can choose the amount of time yourself, but you have to make sure every time you play you are (roughly) playing for the same amount of time.
• Set aside a fixed time every week or every other week where you play a session. The Life Series does this on Fridays, choose which ever weekday is best for you.
• Alternatively or in addition to a fixed day you can also play sessions irregularly, but you have to make sure to still make them the same amount of time. Playing irregularly might take away from your immersion and enjoyment, but I understand that for some people it might be the only way to play at all, if they aren’t able to find a regular date.
• Give yourself a task every session. If you fail your task you loose a life. This will keep you engaged and give you a stream of constant goals to work on in your limited playtime each session.
• You task should be chosen at random from a list you or a friend specifically prepared for this challenge. At the end of this post is a list of tasks I thought up for myself. As I haven’t really played Minecraft in a long time, many of these tasks may sound relatively easy. I encourage you to make your own list. Each task should be doable, but still provide a challenge. Tasks might include things you always wanted to do in Minecraft, but never got around to.

Optional Rules, that you can add if you want:

• Set the World border to 700 Blocks (which is what it was in 3rd Life) or another limit of your choice. This can be done with the Command "/worldborder set 700". Note that this only works if you open your Single player world to Lan and enable commands
• Don’t use Helmets (like they do in the series)
• Use three different Skins for each Life
• Give yourself 30 hearts with no regeneration like in Secret life (If I understand correctly this can be done without mods, just with Commands and Game Settings). Instead of loosing a life, you loose 10 hearts if you fail your challenge, unless you have 10 or less hearts then you still loose a life.
• Make a backup up your World after every Session. This way you can save your progress and take a look back at how your world developed session after session
• If you loose a life during a session, you don’t have to do your task anymore, preventing yourself from potentially loosing another life from failing your task
• In a Session with a hard task your play time is increased to give you a a better chance of succeeding e.g. by 50% or by 30 mins.
• You must end the session after you finish your task

Difficulties

• Easy: Only do easy Tasks
• Medium: Do easy tasks by default, but do a hard task every third session (or another interval you choose for yourself)
• Hard: Do hard tasks by default, but do an easy task every third session (or another interval you choose for yourself)
• Very Hard: Only do hard Tasks

Example Easy Tasks

1. Build a House following Grian’s instructions laid out in this Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUzggMjVze8
2. Find a Diamond Vein
3. Build an Enchanting Table
4. Kill one of every hostile Mob in the Overworld
5. Build a Pillar at all corners of the world or at each of these 4 XZ Values, if you don't have a custom world border: 350/350, -350/350, -350/350, -350/-350
6. Dig down to Bedrock
7. Own atleast 5 each of the following animals: Sheep, Cows, Pigs, Chickens
8. Get Netherward from a Fortress
9. Kill 3 different Mobs with 3 different Red Stone Traps

Example Hard Tasks:

1. Open the Endportal. If you have already done that, kill the Enderdragon instead
2. Collect 3 Wither Skulls. If you have already done that, summon and kill the Wither instead
3. Find an ancient City. If you have already done that, spawn and kill a Warden instead
4. Convince a Friend to join you for atleast 30 mins of today’s challenge. You cannot ask your friends in advance, you can only start asking them during the session
5. Choose a random easy task. You must complete that tasks, but you cannot use your base until you finish the task.
6. Choose a random easy task. You must complete that tasks, but you cannot wear any armor or use a shield until you finish the task.
7. Find and cure a Zombie villager
8. Acquire a full set of enchanted Diamond Gear, but don’t use it. Instead set it aside. You cannot use it until you go down to your last life. (This task is only for if you aren’t on your last life)
9. Go down to half a heart three different times with three different methods
10. Trigger and clear a Pillager Raid (This task is only for if there is a village in your border)
11. Get a Monopoly. You must collect all of one of the following resources on your world: Sand, Cacti, Sugar Cane, Dead Bushes or another resource of your choice (This task is only for if you have custom World Border)