18th birthday sayings
Millie Bobby Brown
2022.02.19 23:24 RheuttButler Millie Bobby Brown
NEW Pics and Gfycats of Millie Bobby Brown as of her 18th birthday. This is not a place to request others to help you get off with others or share terrible deep fakes or solicitations. We all love MBB, but we have a zero tolerance policy for the above mentioned posts. Those posts will be removed and the users banned. Share she’s hot all you want but this is not JTC or JOTC or anything like it.
2021.02.24 11:10 teenstarlets_info Lizzy__Greene
Subreddit for the American actress LIZZY GREENE. Kept as a backup after taking over my main subbreddit about Lizzy: LizzyGreene_18
2020.05.13 10:52 Amber Troutman
The London College of Fashion's busty babe.
2024.05.19 11:23 Pbbvisback Today is Kanao's Bday 🥳🥳🥳
Make sure to say happy birthday before the day is over
submitted by Pbbvisback to KimetsuNoYaiba [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 11:15 AgreeableMonkey Small triggers turning into a full blown relapse
I’m not really expecting replies, it’s 4am and I need to vent and see if I can go to sleep, but if you can relate hey there!
I’ve been trying to get my shit in order and having a “better quality of life”, reconnecting with friends, taking trips, self care, etc.
With all of that came the weight gain, it was very frustrating to go up 4 sizes, most of my clothes still fit because I used to wear oversized stuff, but of course it bothers me that now they actually fit. I tried to take the regular healthy weigh loss path and it wasn’t going great, it’s too complex and not seeing the change fast enough started driving me crazy.
Enter my friends, I know I’m responsible for my own triggers, but I’m also finding it impossible to deal with them.
A group of friends and I planned to go on a beach trip, I started struggling a bit ago and decided to open up about it with a friend that asked me if I was ok. Horrible mistake, he randomly asked me how much i weighed now and told me that starving myself made no sense cuz I would still look about the same. I had to cancel the beach trip, i felt the same way. I wasn’t losing as fast as im used to, and now I don’t feel like I can go outside of my house until it’s at least noticeably enough. I shouldn’t have said anything, now I feel like I need to at least look like I’m starving and I can’t be seen with my friends until then. It’s probably with good intentions but I’m sick of him asking me if I’m ok every other day, and then blurt out the most insensitive stuff ever. He’s the only one I plan to ask to stop cuz he’s making it worse.
I got into cooking and making gourmet meals, I have a friend that is a foodie and loves cooking too. But god, he eats SO much, really, it’s a lot, 3-5 course meals every time, but he is also so skinny. Since I do enjoy cooking he always sends pics of the process and what he’s eating. And I’m extremely jealous, I’m way shorter, but I hate how he can eat what I eat in a few days in one sitting and still be a tall lanky boy, I hate it. But I also don’t want to ask him to stop sending me stuff to avoid raising suspicions and I also don’t want him to ask me anything about EDs ever, especially because of how telling the other guy went.
I’ve been on a few short trips with other people and we took a lot of pictures, im trying to be more confortable with that too. No matter how much I lose I carry a lot of my weight on my legs. I was very happy about the pics until someone zoomed into one and talked about my strong calves. I think it was a compliment but it hurts, and hearing and thing about that makes me want to puke. I feel hopeless whenever someone says anything about it or mentions how tiny I used to be, so I ended up deleting the pictures and the rest of my Instagram with it. I’m a bit disappointed with that actually, because I thought we looked cute in it, but now I don’t want anyone seeing it or anything else I’m in.
Another of my friends is kind of a gym bro, more power to him tbh, I dread going to the gym. He’s during the cutting period and casually told me about fasting for multiple days to help with that and reset his body. That was the last drop, if he can do it why can’t I. But I can’t, I did it one day and I felt horrible, I can’t fast and lift at the same time, not that I lifted at all before he said that, but how can he do both and feel that well. I copied him and I look and feel horrible.
Maybe I just need to stop hanging with these guys and cry about not being tall and skinny like them. I really like them, but i think I take up too much space compared to them and I don’t want anyone to be able to see it. I don’t have any sort of gender dysphoria, but I keep wondering why can’t I look like them. I want to flee the country and not come back until I look how I used to, but I’m aware that I can’t and that’s a horrible idea anyway, but that’s the best excuse to disappear and not have to give weird excuses.
My birthday was a bit ago and it makes the year in which I’ve officially been disordered for more than half of my life. That’s depressing, it really does make me wonder if it’ll even truly go away or if I’m doomed to this cycle for the rest of my life.
I don’t think I want to go back to recovery, im a bit disappointed with myself both for gaining after it, even tho it was kinda obvious it was going to happen, but also for letting all these things affect me to the point I can’t sleep.
submitted by AgreeableMonkey to EDAnonymous [link] [comments]
I’ve been trying to get my shit in order and having a “better quality of life”, reconnecting with friends, taking trips, self care, etc.
With all of that came the weight gain, it was very frustrating to go up 4 sizes, most of my clothes still fit because I used to wear oversized stuff, but of course it bothers me that now they actually fit. I tried to take the regular healthy weigh loss path and it wasn’t going great, it’s too complex and not seeing the change fast enough started driving me crazy.
Enter my friends, I know I’m responsible for my own triggers, but I’m also finding it impossible to deal with them.
A group of friends and I planned to go on a beach trip, I started struggling a bit ago and decided to open up about it with a friend that asked me if I was ok. Horrible mistake, he randomly asked me how much i weighed now and told me that starving myself made no sense cuz I would still look about the same. I had to cancel the beach trip, i felt the same way. I wasn’t losing as fast as im used to, and now I don’t feel like I can go outside of my house until it’s at least noticeably enough. I shouldn’t have said anything, now I feel like I need to at least look like I’m starving and I can’t be seen with my friends until then. It’s probably with good intentions but I’m sick of him asking me if I’m ok every other day, and then blurt out the most insensitive stuff ever. He’s the only one I plan to ask to stop cuz he’s making it worse.
I got into cooking and making gourmet meals, I have a friend that is a foodie and loves cooking too. But god, he eats SO much, really, it’s a lot, 3-5 course meals every time, but he is also so skinny. Since I do enjoy cooking he always sends pics of the process and what he’s eating. And I’m extremely jealous, I’m way shorter, but I hate how he can eat what I eat in a few days in one sitting and still be a tall lanky boy, I hate it. But I also don’t want to ask him to stop sending me stuff to avoid raising suspicions and I also don’t want him to ask me anything about EDs ever, especially because of how telling the other guy went.
I’ve been on a few short trips with other people and we took a lot of pictures, im trying to be more confortable with that too. No matter how much I lose I carry a lot of my weight on my legs. I was very happy about the pics until someone zoomed into one and talked about my strong calves. I think it was a compliment but it hurts, and hearing and thing about that makes me want to puke. I feel hopeless whenever someone says anything about it or mentions how tiny I used to be, so I ended up deleting the pictures and the rest of my Instagram with it. I’m a bit disappointed with that actually, because I thought we looked cute in it, but now I don’t want anyone seeing it or anything else I’m in.
Another of my friends is kind of a gym bro, more power to him tbh, I dread going to the gym. He’s during the cutting period and casually told me about fasting for multiple days to help with that and reset his body. That was the last drop, if he can do it why can’t I. But I can’t, I did it one day and I felt horrible, I can’t fast and lift at the same time, not that I lifted at all before he said that, but how can he do both and feel that well. I copied him and I look and feel horrible.
Maybe I just need to stop hanging with these guys and cry about not being tall and skinny like them. I really like them, but i think I take up too much space compared to them and I don’t want anyone to be able to see it. I don’t have any sort of gender dysphoria, but I keep wondering why can’t I look like them. I want to flee the country and not come back until I look how I used to, but I’m aware that I can’t and that’s a horrible idea anyway, but that’s the best excuse to disappear and not have to give weird excuses.
My birthday was a bit ago and it makes the year in which I’ve officially been disordered for more than half of my life. That’s depressing, it really does make me wonder if it’ll even truly go away or if I’m doomed to this cycle for the rest of my life.
I don’t think I want to go back to recovery, im a bit disappointed with myself both for gaining after it, even tho it was kinda obvious it was going to happen, but also for letting all these things affect me to the point I can’t sleep.
2024.05.19 11:09 Upbeat-Commission422 Dad died 8 months ago and I’m still completely lost
So back in September I was out all day helping a friend move into his new house and went to a baseball game after then came back home to find my dad dead on the kitchen floor. I (26M) was still living at home with just my dad at the time and me and him were more like best friends and roommates rather than father and son, we had a bond that was special and I’ll cherish it for the rest of my life, but the day of everything seemed normal I went out for the day and he was his normal self going about his daily routine and he was texting me while I was out, and the last text he sent asking if I’ll be home after the game I didn’t see right away and replied a couple hours later and when I did answer he didn’t get back which I knew was weird bc he always gets back fairly quickly. So I drive home and then I go in and find him laying on the floor with his mouth open and his face just looked off. The ambulance came and took him to the hospital then said they tried everything but couldn’t do anything and later told me they found a large piece of chicken stuck in his throat and he choked to death.
So since then I feel like I’m just lost in life and nothing seems the same at all, being in the house just feels off without him, I’ve been trying to move out but everything is out of my price range and I always remember him saying he wants me to take over the house when he passes but it just doesn’t feel right there without him. I feel like I’m useless at work every day bc the picture of him on the floor is just mounted into my brain.
Everyone in my family talks to me about counseling but idk how much that’ll help when I just feel completely out of it and lost every single day, I’m just hesitant on it and I tried being with my mom but she just constantly brings up the bad memories with them since they divorced 7 years ago and my friends don’t seem like they’re there for me like when it first happened. I feel like I don’t really have anyone in the family to talk to and it just sucks knowing the closest person I had in my life is gone and I have no idea how to go forward especially with Father’s Day and his birthday coming up I just keep looking at pictures and videos of him and i break down completely and can’t sleep. Just looking for anyone with similar experiences to give some advice
submitted by Upbeat-Commission422 to GriefSupport [link] [comments]
So since then I feel like I’m just lost in life and nothing seems the same at all, being in the house just feels off without him, I’ve been trying to move out but everything is out of my price range and I always remember him saying he wants me to take over the house when he passes but it just doesn’t feel right there without him. I feel like I’m useless at work every day bc the picture of him on the floor is just mounted into my brain.
Everyone in my family talks to me about counseling but idk how much that’ll help when I just feel completely out of it and lost every single day, I’m just hesitant on it and I tried being with my mom but she just constantly brings up the bad memories with them since they divorced 7 years ago and my friends don’t seem like they’re there for me like when it first happened. I feel like I don’t really have anyone in the family to talk to and it just sucks knowing the closest person I had in my life is gone and I have no idea how to go forward especially with Father’s Day and his birthday coming up I just keep looking at pictures and videos of him and i break down completely and can’t sleep. Just looking for anyone with similar experiences to give some advice
2024.05.19 11:08 elfindesemna What does collected mean here?
 | I bought an item off eBay and the seller uses 48 hour tracking. This is the tracking number provided. Yesterday on the 18th they updated the package as delivered (eventhough I literally only bought it on the 17th) and when I checked the tracking it says collected - what does collected mean here because I'm not living in Willesden and did not receive it at all (and doubt I would in 24 hours). submitted by elfindesemna to royalmail [link] [comments] |
2024.05.19 11:04 Odd-Interview7807 My gf is in contact with her ex but lied about it at first. Confused on what to do about it
Me, 21F ,and my girlfriend, (21F), have been talking since August. Everything was going great, until my intuitions started telling me that she may be hiding something that I should know… This was the beginning of April.
So I started doing a little digging while also trusting that whatever it was would eventually be exposed. One day I woke up and I couldn’t ignore my intuitions so I looked at her phone and saw that she had a missed call from her exes sister (I normally don’t look at her phone). I asked her about it later in the day and she swore that she wasn’t talking to her ex just because her exes sister called.
2 weeks go by, and she leaves her phone unlocked while she went to the bathroom. It was open on TikTok so I quickly clicked the TikTok inbox/dm… to find out that she had been sending TikTok’s to her on her birthday. We spent her whole birthday together and I really spoiled her that day. I didn’t say anything immediately. Bc I was so hurt and I wanted to see if she would be honest and tell me herself what was going on. She did not.
So 2 more weeks went by and I became confused because it seemed like shes been wanting to get closer than we already are. She introduced me to her family and has been making a point to love me in my love language and in hers as well. 2 days after she introduced me, I checked her phone again to see that she had missed calls from her ex. I confronted her about it, as she swears that her ex called to ask if me and her were together when they were (we were not). My gf made it obvious that she wanted to hear from her ex. She made it seem like they weren’t in contact at all when we got together in August. She said that she had her blocked. Now they follow each other on TikTok and I find it hard to believe that all they talked about was me… She’s making it seem like it’s less serious than what it is. Does anyone have any advice, thoughts, or second opinions from experience?
submitted by Odd-Interview7807 to cheating_stories [link] [comments]
So I started doing a little digging while also trusting that whatever it was would eventually be exposed. One day I woke up and I couldn’t ignore my intuitions so I looked at her phone and saw that she had a missed call from her exes sister (I normally don’t look at her phone). I asked her about it later in the day and she swore that she wasn’t talking to her ex just because her exes sister called.
2 weeks go by, and she leaves her phone unlocked while she went to the bathroom. It was open on TikTok so I quickly clicked the TikTok inbox/dm… to find out that she had been sending TikTok’s to her on her birthday. We spent her whole birthday together and I really spoiled her that day. I didn’t say anything immediately. Bc I was so hurt and I wanted to see if she would be honest and tell me herself what was going on. She did not.
So 2 more weeks went by and I became confused because it seemed like shes been wanting to get closer than we already are. She introduced me to her family and has been making a point to love me in my love language and in hers as well. 2 days after she introduced me, I checked her phone again to see that she had missed calls from her ex. I confronted her about it, as she swears that her ex called to ask if me and her were together when they were (we were not). My gf made it obvious that she wanted to hear from her ex. She made it seem like they weren’t in contact at all when we got together in August. She said that she had her blocked. Now they follow each other on TikTok and I find it hard to believe that all they talked about was me… She’s making it seem like it’s less serious than what it is. Does anyone have any advice, thoughts, or second opinions from experience?
2024.05.19 11:03 Tryc3ratop5 How to deal with jealousy regarding endo?
Just as the title says. I’m 18 and I feel like endometriosis has taken so much from me already and is just continuing to take more…
I’ve missed school field trips and dances because I was in too much pain to move, let alone enjoy myself. I’ve been to the ER with doctors thinking I had appendicitis since the pain was so bad. I’ve gained 40+ pounds in the last 5-6 years I’ve been on birth control to control the cysts I get because of this, and I can’t lose that weight no matter what I do, and not taking the medication just isn’t an option. The nausea after eating ANYTHING. I’ve been a half step away from needing infusions in the past because I bled so much with my cycle when I still had one. And my 19th birthday is still only 3 weeks away.
I just am CONSTANTLY jealous of everyone who doesn’t deal with this, and am really struggling with the thought of “why don’t I get to do these things without struggling?” And “what did I do wrong that made me deserve this?”. I’ve been dealing with these struggles since I was 12, and even now while waiting on scheduling to call for me to pick a date for my laparoscopy, it just feels like this is all bubbling up.
submitted by Tryc3ratop5 to endometriosis [link] [comments]
I’ve missed school field trips and dances because I was in too much pain to move, let alone enjoy myself. I’ve been to the ER with doctors thinking I had appendicitis since the pain was so bad. I’ve gained 40+ pounds in the last 5-6 years I’ve been on birth control to control the cysts I get because of this, and I can’t lose that weight no matter what I do, and not taking the medication just isn’t an option. The nausea after eating ANYTHING. I’ve been a half step away from needing infusions in the past because I bled so much with my cycle when I still had one. And my 19th birthday is still only 3 weeks away.
I just am CONSTANTLY jealous of everyone who doesn’t deal with this, and am really struggling with the thought of “why don’t I get to do these things without struggling?” And “what did I do wrong that made me deserve this?”. I’ve been dealing with these struggles since I was 12, and even now while waiting on scheduling to call for me to pick a date for my laparoscopy, it just feels like this is all bubbling up.
2024.05.19 11:01 Dry-Iron6305 Devastation, abandonment wound story - any guidance/advice/support?
I went through a really traumatic event at the end of last year and prior I got referred to EMDR althought the waiting list is really long, I've realised I have PTSD and from analysing my behaviours and past C-PTSD seems very likely.
Whilst in trapped in this traumatic situation I got into a relationship with someone in my friend group but I knew her for only a short period. It was a really good period and they helped me a lot with the initial processing of my trauma. She was a really good person however I think she had her own issues and my codependency and her future plans didn't align with god knows what I wanted to do. We broke up at the end of March and I was devastated.
I was then processing this whilst the traumatic incident. We had the same friend group and one of them I realise now because they have a fulltime job, live around the corner from my ex and were best friends longer that we were, always met up with my ex. But at the time I didn't see as rationally like I do now. They never got into contact with me first or invited me to things but I guess that's a friend group with a breakup in the middle. I heard incidents of my ex sleeping with people almost every weekend after the breakup which hurt to my core cause she said she didnt think about sex much when we were together. I guess I kind of felt like everything was a lie? But we weren't together anymore so whilst my hurt was valid it's not like it was any of my business so it was just what it was and hurt.
I got invited to one thing because I'd pushed to try hang out with my friend who's hers too. Whilst I was asleep on the couch at hers, she brought someone in and slept with them and I was awake. This hurt to my core.
I ended up speaking up about it and had a talk about it. I was really upset over it still but it was what it was. I don't think I had processed it properly at this point and still had hurt.
After this they all hung out and I would see this but not be invited to any of them. I felt completetly abandoned by them both, especially with them knowing the trauma I had encountered and initially being there for me, I think I had a traumatic bond with them as a new support system. And it felt like my whole world was crumbling away.
I created my final Uni project about my trauma processing, and posted online about it as it was a film I made and a screening. I saw this as a celebration of how far I'd come because I initally was on the verge of dropping out at the start of the year with everything, but I perservered. Our mutual friend didn't reply to any of these and it really hurt because I saw the film as a celebration and liberation from this trauma. I felt thrown away and forgotten about. I was fighting suicidal thoughts everyday and my mental health was not there at all. My ex had actually replied saying yes, but I wasn't sure how I felt about this because of all the old stuff with hearing them sleep with people.
I then met some other friends. I had all this hurt inside me but decided not to talk about it. Until one of them asked me what had happened between me and my ex. I explained everything from my perspective and my devastation about how abandoned I felt after this trauma. I feel bad because I should have kept some things like the sex life private but I was unloading so much hurt, I had no support system and looked at these guys thinking "yes these friends can be my new people, I can explain this and get their opinion cause I don't know what to do about the film thing". She got into my head saying my ex had lied about one of the things not being consensual and I got really in my head about this and upset because I thought "she might have lied about that to my face after knowing everything I had went through",
I ended up holding the film thing and neither my ex or friend came, I cried all morning of this. Then the people I talked about the devastation with who said they'd come, didn't show up either. They had gone to a house party to drink instead. Hurting more to the core. I spent time with myself after this focusing on my work and realised how bad these abandonment soul wounds had warped into this feeling of utter abandonment when maybe at the time I should have reached out to my inital friend group. I journalled about CPTSD and realised a lot of past things that contributed to the intense emotions I felt.
Then it comes to the friend who was friends with my ex's birthday. I decided to get them some gifts and gave them to them as I didn't want to ruin a connection that helped me so much at the start of the year. It was a nice chat and I realised everything had been in my head and I should have reached out to this initial support system whilst I was undergoing these abandonment thoughts.
They held celebrations and I didn't get invited to any of them because they said they had anxiety of something happened (probably because I had spoke up about the sleeping with someone whilst I was in the house) but the person who didn't show up to the film to drink attended.
I'm pretty sure they talked about me and my ramble and expression of all this hurt but it was warped in a way that made me just look like I was chatting shit rather than suffering with abandonment wounds and hurt by feeling like they didn't care for me at all now I was irrelvant to my ex.
Ever since they've been off with me, I sent a message to our group chat to say I was anxious about anything being tarnished post the breakup because of all the emotions I was facing. I am off their close friends list and messages ignored. I think they hate me. Which hurts so much because I kind of just brought to reality what I had already felt without realising. I feel exhiled and I feel really empty. I've faced so much loss for so long and helpless. I've been completely alone with no proper support system. I feel really horrible because I never have any malice. I loved everyone so deeply and this hurt me and my soul wounds.
I don't know what to do, I'm trying my hard to get on with my life and focus on myself, but I wake up feeling dread and empty everyday - only staying alive for my family. I'm trying to create a better life for myself and have gotten myself out of the house, reading, a new job, making art but my soul feels so torn up. I am trying to get therapy but I went in very suicidal last week and got told the typical things like take a bath, have a tea etc. The EMDR is 2yrs and I can't afford private therapy at the minute.
I guess posting on here I just want someone to hear my story and thoughts and offer any guidance or support, because I don't know what to do anymore. I'm really hurt to my core.
Thank you for reading my story.
submitted by Dry-Iron6305 to CPTSD [link] [comments]
Whilst in trapped in this traumatic situation I got into a relationship with someone in my friend group but I knew her for only a short period. It was a really good period and they helped me a lot with the initial processing of my trauma. She was a really good person however I think she had her own issues and my codependency and her future plans didn't align with god knows what I wanted to do. We broke up at the end of March and I was devastated.
I was then processing this whilst the traumatic incident. We had the same friend group and one of them I realise now because they have a fulltime job, live around the corner from my ex and were best friends longer that we were, always met up with my ex. But at the time I didn't see as rationally like I do now. They never got into contact with me first or invited me to things but I guess that's a friend group with a breakup in the middle. I heard incidents of my ex sleeping with people almost every weekend after the breakup which hurt to my core cause she said she didnt think about sex much when we were together. I guess I kind of felt like everything was a lie? But we weren't together anymore so whilst my hurt was valid it's not like it was any of my business so it was just what it was and hurt.
I got invited to one thing because I'd pushed to try hang out with my friend who's hers too. Whilst I was asleep on the couch at hers, she brought someone in and slept with them and I was awake. This hurt to my core.
I ended up speaking up about it and had a talk about it. I was really upset over it still but it was what it was. I don't think I had processed it properly at this point and still had hurt.
After this they all hung out and I would see this but not be invited to any of them. I felt completetly abandoned by them both, especially with them knowing the trauma I had encountered and initially being there for me, I think I had a traumatic bond with them as a new support system. And it felt like my whole world was crumbling away.
I created my final Uni project about my trauma processing, and posted online about it as it was a film I made and a screening. I saw this as a celebration of how far I'd come because I initally was on the verge of dropping out at the start of the year with everything, but I perservered. Our mutual friend didn't reply to any of these and it really hurt because I saw the film as a celebration and liberation from this trauma. I felt thrown away and forgotten about. I was fighting suicidal thoughts everyday and my mental health was not there at all. My ex had actually replied saying yes, but I wasn't sure how I felt about this because of all the old stuff with hearing them sleep with people.
I then met some other friends. I had all this hurt inside me but decided not to talk about it. Until one of them asked me what had happened between me and my ex. I explained everything from my perspective and my devastation about how abandoned I felt after this trauma. I feel bad because I should have kept some things like the sex life private but I was unloading so much hurt, I had no support system and looked at these guys thinking "yes these friends can be my new people, I can explain this and get their opinion cause I don't know what to do about the film thing". She got into my head saying my ex had lied about one of the things not being consensual and I got really in my head about this and upset because I thought "she might have lied about that to my face after knowing everything I had went through",
I ended up holding the film thing and neither my ex or friend came, I cried all morning of this. Then the people I talked about the devastation with who said they'd come, didn't show up either. They had gone to a house party to drink instead. Hurting more to the core. I spent time with myself after this focusing on my work and realised how bad these abandonment soul wounds had warped into this feeling of utter abandonment when maybe at the time I should have reached out to my inital friend group. I journalled about CPTSD and realised a lot of past things that contributed to the intense emotions I felt.
Then it comes to the friend who was friends with my ex's birthday. I decided to get them some gifts and gave them to them as I didn't want to ruin a connection that helped me so much at the start of the year. It was a nice chat and I realised everything had been in my head and I should have reached out to this initial support system whilst I was undergoing these abandonment thoughts.
They held celebrations and I didn't get invited to any of them because they said they had anxiety of something happened (probably because I had spoke up about the sleeping with someone whilst I was in the house) but the person who didn't show up to the film to drink attended.
I'm pretty sure they talked about me and my ramble and expression of all this hurt but it was warped in a way that made me just look like I was chatting shit rather than suffering with abandonment wounds and hurt by feeling like they didn't care for me at all now I was irrelvant to my ex.
Ever since they've been off with me, I sent a message to our group chat to say I was anxious about anything being tarnished post the breakup because of all the emotions I was facing. I am off their close friends list and messages ignored. I think they hate me. Which hurts so much because I kind of just brought to reality what I had already felt without realising. I feel exhiled and I feel really empty. I've faced so much loss for so long and helpless. I've been completely alone with no proper support system. I feel really horrible because I never have any malice. I loved everyone so deeply and this hurt me and my soul wounds.
I don't know what to do, I'm trying my hard to get on with my life and focus on myself, but I wake up feeling dread and empty everyday - only staying alive for my family. I'm trying to create a better life for myself and have gotten myself out of the house, reading, a new job, making art but my soul feels so torn up. I am trying to get therapy but I went in very suicidal last week and got told the typical things like take a bath, have a tea etc. The EMDR is 2yrs and I can't afford private therapy at the minute.
I guess posting on here I just want someone to hear my story and thoughts and offer any guidance or support, because I don't know what to do anymore. I'm really hurt to my core.
Thank you for reading my story.
2024.05.19 10:50 _FizzyPop_ BD Coming to Step Daughters Birthday...
Ok where to begin.. I've been with my wife since 2021, she was already separated (but not dicorced) and had a 4 yo son and 2.5 yo daughter. She left her ex because it just wasn't working and around the time we got together she found messages and nudes he'd (at the time 28m) swapped with her friends baby sitter (16f). She reported it to the army MP's and it was all swept under the rug which is fucked up enough but he was kicked out of the army. Needless to say, not a great guy.
So my wife and I start dating, it takes time but the kids warm up to me, wife and I get married, and seeing I need to provide I join the USAF and go through the recruitment process in 2022, BD knows im joining and even being kicked out of the army knows there's a timer on when his ex and the kids move away when I get stationed somewhere.
He was only 45 min away from us at the time of me starting enlistment and by the time I finished basic and tech training which took 6 months (in total was about a year process) and he only came to see the kids about 6 or 7 times.
We got to our base in July 2023 and it wasn't until December 2023 that he even asked what our address was because he needed it for some paperwork. He never actually initiates calls or even text my wife to ask how the kids are, all contact he has with them is when my soon to be 5 SD ask to call him. He knows absolutely fuck all about what's going on in the kids lives, anything about their interest, he just doesn't care but yet every time he talks to them (which is on average once a month for about 20 min) he tells them how much he loves them etc. And how much he cares about them.
Back at new years he told the kids he'd come to us to visit (about a 10 hour drive which my wife and I have made twice to go back home for holidays since we left in July 2023) by the end of February. We'll surprise surprise he didn't show.
A couple days ago my SD asked to call him and asked if he'd be at her birthday party in 2 weeks, he said that "he'd try to be there but wasn't sure". Well my wife ans i got confirmation today from him that he was going to be here because, and I quote, "I haven't missed a birthday and I'll be dammed if I miss one now." WE asked what his exact travel plans were so we knew how to plan for his visit, and he actually hadn't made plans yet and is just saying he'll be here. Also, this whole "I'll be dammned if I miss a birthday" shit is just so infuriating because if my SD didn't ask, he wouldn't have even entertained the idea of coming out to us.
He makes about 80k/yr and we only ask for 1k/mo in child support for 2 kids despite the fact that it should be 25% of each pay check per our states laws, and he's complaining saying "well I'll be out there but I have to put everything on a credit card to make the trip because I'm saving to buy a house". We have 0 idea where all his money goes and we frankly don't care, but his financial literacy is crazy bad.
Now I have to figure out, if he does actually show up, how to handle this with the kids, make a list of ground rules for him being in my fucking house which I don't want to begin with but the kids want to see him, and making sure I don't fucking deck him when I hear him inevitably say "well they're my kids".
TLDR; BD is a piece of shit who does nothing but make empty promises to my kids just for me and my wife to clean up his mess and be the bad guys.
submitted by _FizzyPop_ to stepdads [link] [comments]
So my wife and I start dating, it takes time but the kids warm up to me, wife and I get married, and seeing I need to provide I join the USAF and go through the recruitment process in 2022, BD knows im joining and even being kicked out of the army knows there's a timer on when his ex and the kids move away when I get stationed somewhere.
He was only 45 min away from us at the time of me starting enlistment and by the time I finished basic and tech training which took 6 months (in total was about a year process) and he only came to see the kids about 6 or 7 times.
We got to our base in July 2023 and it wasn't until December 2023 that he even asked what our address was because he needed it for some paperwork. He never actually initiates calls or even text my wife to ask how the kids are, all contact he has with them is when my soon to be 5 SD ask to call him. He knows absolutely fuck all about what's going on in the kids lives, anything about their interest, he just doesn't care but yet every time he talks to them (which is on average once a month for about 20 min) he tells them how much he loves them etc. And how much he cares about them.
Back at new years he told the kids he'd come to us to visit (about a 10 hour drive which my wife and I have made twice to go back home for holidays since we left in July 2023) by the end of February. We'll surprise surprise he didn't show.
A couple days ago my SD asked to call him and asked if he'd be at her birthday party in 2 weeks, he said that "he'd try to be there but wasn't sure". Well my wife ans i got confirmation today from him that he was going to be here because, and I quote, "I haven't missed a birthday and I'll be dammed if I miss one now." WE asked what his exact travel plans were so we knew how to plan for his visit, and he actually hadn't made plans yet and is just saying he'll be here. Also, this whole "I'll be dammned if I miss a birthday" shit is just so infuriating because if my SD didn't ask, he wouldn't have even entertained the idea of coming out to us.
He makes about 80k/yr and we only ask for 1k/mo in child support for 2 kids despite the fact that it should be 25% of each pay check per our states laws, and he's complaining saying "well I'll be out there but I have to put everything on a credit card to make the trip because I'm saving to buy a house". We have 0 idea where all his money goes and we frankly don't care, but his financial literacy is crazy bad.
Now I have to figure out, if he does actually show up, how to handle this with the kids, make a list of ground rules for him being in my fucking house which I don't want to begin with but the kids want to see him, and making sure I don't fucking deck him when I hear him inevitably say "well they're my kids".
TLDR; BD is a piece of shit who does nothing but make empty promises to my kids just for me and my wife to clean up his mess and be the bad guys.
2024.05.19 10:50 AkaGabbie My 18th birthday gift!
 | AHHH i just got this beautiful Michael Kors bag for my 18th birthday today! Its so gorgeous i just had to share it in here❤️ what do you guys think? submitted by AkaGabbie to handbags [link] [comments] |
2024.05.19 10:49 PoP2electricboogalo On her 18th birthday your daughter florence pugh waits for you to get home on her bed. You had raised her alone since she was a toddler. Now the inly birthday present she wants is you.
 | submitted by PoP2electricboogalo to Celebrity_Fantasies2 [link] [comments] |
2024.05.19 10:48 Individual_Cook5855 AITA for telling my estranged parents to never contact me again after they reached out to apologize?
Throwaway,
I (29m), my parents divorced when I was 7. After the divorce, I initially lived with my mom and spent weekends with my dad. When I was 9, my mom moved in with her boyfriend, and I was sent to live with my dad. At first, it was fine because my mom would regularly meet with me, but over time, those visits became less.
When I was 12, my dad introduced me to his girlfriend, who I could tell didn't like me. I didn't understand why. By then, I was only seeing my mom once every three months or so. My dad told me to get used to his girlfriend, but we never really got along. A year later, my dad told me I would be living with my grandmother (his mom) from now on because his girlfriend was pregnant and wanted a calm house. I was angry and caused a scene. His girlfriend told my dad that I was always like this around her, which was a lie, but my dad believed her and shipped me off to my grandmother.
I told my mom I wanted to live with her, but she said she and her partner traveled the world all the time and that I needed to stay put for school. So, I lived with my grandmother. My parents occasionally checked in on me, meeting me on my birthday or sending essentials until I was 16. After that, the contact became even less frequent—no birthday calls or money for essentials. My grandmother had to go back to work to support me.
I had no idea that my dad had married his girlfriend and had two other kids or that my mom had gotten married and had twins until my grandmother told me. I started to resent both of them, but my sweet grandmother kept me grounded. She provided for me, ensured I graduated, and helped me get into a good college.
When I turned 18, as a gift to her, I changed my last name to her maiden name. She wasn't happy initially but accepted it later. My parents hadn't contacted me or grandmother for over a year and a half at that point. I went to college, graduated, got a good job, got engaged, and have generally had a good life. I haven't spoken to my parents in all this time. My grandmother passed away four years ago, I tried to text and call the only phone number I had of dad but it didn't go through and I was the only family member at her funeral.
Recently, I got an email from my dad and mom asking to meet and reconnect. I don't know how they got my personal email. My dad says he wants to apologize and attend my wedding, and his kids want to meet their big brother. He also mentioned that my mom wants to meet me and apologize as well. He even had the audacity to write that he was disappointed in me changing my last name but "understood it." He didn't even ask about his own mother. I've already moved on without them, hit multiple milestones in my life and career without their support, so I sent a reply stating I don't know him or my mom, added a few other harsh words, and told them never to contact me again.
I told my fiancée, who comes from a big family and is very family-oriented, and she was upset, saying I was too harsh. She believes I should give them a chance since it's been so long. We had huge argument about this. She kept saying how family is important and I should forgive and forget. Now, I have a feeling she might be involved with them and she might be the one who gave them my email. I talked to my close friends and all of them say I am justified on my stance but my fiancée's outburst is making me think about it.
submitted by Individual_Cook5855 to AITAH [link] [comments]
I (29m), my parents divorced when I was 7. After the divorce, I initially lived with my mom and spent weekends with my dad. When I was 9, my mom moved in with her boyfriend, and I was sent to live with my dad. At first, it was fine because my mom would regularly meet with me, but over time, those visits became less.
When I was 12, my dad introduced me to his girlfriend, who I could tell didn't like me. I didn't understand why. By then, I was only seeing my mom once every three months or so. My dad told me to get used to his girlfriend, but we never really got along. A year later, my dad told me I would be living with my grandmother (his mom) from now on because his girlfriend was pregnant and wanted a calm house. I was angry and caused a scene. His girlfriend told my dad that I was always like this around her, which was a lie, but my dad believed her and shipped me off to my grandmother.
I told my mom I wanted to live with her, but she said she and her partner traveled the world all the time and that I needed to stay put for school. So, I lived with my grandmother. My parents occasionally checked in on me, meeting me on my birthday or sending essentials until I was 16. After that, the contact became even less frequent—no birthday calls or money for essentials. My grandmother had to go back to work to support me.
I had no idea that my dad had married his girlfriend and had two other kids or that my mom had gotten married and had twins until my grandmother told me. I started to resent both of them, but my sweet grandmother kept me grounded. She provided for me, ensured I graduated, and helped me get into a good college.
When I turned 18, as a gift to her, I changed my last name to her maiden name. She wasn't happy initially but accepted it later. My parents hadn't contacted me or grandmother for over a year and a half at that point. I went to college, graduated, got a good job, got engaged, and have generally had a good life. I haven't spoken to my parents in all this time. My grandmother passed away four years ago, I tried to text and call the only phone number I had of dad but it didn't go through and I was the only family member at her funeral.
Recently, I got an email from my dad and mom asking to meet and reconnect. I don't know how they got my personal email. My dad says he wants to apologize and attend my wedding, and his kids want to meet their big brother. He also mentioned that my mom wants to meet me and apologize as well. He even had the audacity to write that he was disappointed in me changing my last name but "understood it." He didn't even ask about his own mother. I've already moved on without them, hit multiple milestones in my life and career without their support, so I sent a reply stating I don't know him or my mom, added a few other harsh words, and told them never to contact me again.
I told my fiancée, who comes from a big family and is very family-oriented, and she was upset, saying I was too harsh. She believes I should give them a chance since it's been so long. We had huge argument about this. She kept saying how family is important and I should forgive and forget. Now, I have a feeling she might be involved with them and she might be the one who gave them my email. I talked to my close friends and all of them say I am justified on my stance but my fiancée's outburst is making me think about it.
2024.05.19 10:42 Medicine_Hatz AITAH for asking my new partner to repay a loan?
So I just started dating this woman. We have been together 5 weeks. I have been quite generous with my time and resources already.
She’s new to my country having been here for 5 months. She doesn’t have family here.
She’s working a casual job as a health care aid. It doesn’t pay well.
I have been helping her with rides to work and have taken her for hookah numerous times since it is what she has said helps her relax.
I pay for the hookah and I buy her small meals from time to Time. It was her birthday and I tried to make it very special. I took her to a nice scenic town famous for its views and tourism. We adventured and I bought her a couple of nice gifts and wrapped them. I put a lot of effort to make her feel special.
I have not pushed her for intimacy although we have kissed a few times. No passionate kissing either and I have not asked her for that since I’m happy playing it slow. I do enjoy spending time with her and developing a bond which we have so far.
Anyway, she needs to find a new room to rent in the city. Since she only works casually and doesn’t make much money she is in a bind. She needs a new place but she fears she cannot afford rent and the damage deposit.
I have been helping her drive to vacant rooms to view all over the city this last week with nothing but a generous spirit hoping to help her.
So tonight she asked me to give her money for the damage deposit: “if I could help her”.
I replied by saying: “ I don’t feel comfortable just giving you 500 dollars. What if I lend it to you? No expectations on an immediate return but some assurance that you will return it to me some time or some way since I don’t want to feel taken advantage of.”
By someway I don’t mean sex either. I mean like find a way to make it up to me when you find more stability.
I’m between jobs rn and I was just in an accident and am paying for things out of pocket so things are kind of tight.
Once I find a new job I will feel more secure financially. However rn, I feel it’s a bit much to ask for a 500 dollar gift when I have been so generous already with my time, my vehicle, my treats for hookah with is like 45-60 bucks a date and all the meals I have bought.
I understand she’s in a bit of a predicament and probably wouldn’t want to ask me if the circumstances were different thus I’m a bit torn. Part of me wants to help but part of me wants to remain cautious.
AITAH for asking for her to repay me the money she needs even if I say there is no immediate request for a return ?
submitted by Medicine_Hatz to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
She’s new to my country having been here for 5 months. She doesn’t have family here.
She’s working a casual job as a health care aid. It doesn’t pay well.
I have been helping her with rides to work and have taken her for hookah numerous times since it is what she has said helps her relax.
I pay for the hookah and I buy her small meals from time to Time. It was her birthday and I tried to make it very special. I took her to a nice scenic town famous for its views and tourism. We adventured and I bought her a couple of nice gifts and wrapped them. I put a lot of effort to make her feel special.
I have not pushed her for intimacy although we have kissed a few times. No passionate kissing either and I have not asked her for that since I’m happy playing it slow. I do enjoy spending time with her and developing a bond which we have so far.
Anyway, she needs to find a new room to rent in the city. Since she only works casually and doesn’t make much money she is in a bind. She needs a new place but she fears she cannot afford rent and the damage deposit.
I have been helping her drive to vacant rooms to view all over the city this last week with nothing but a generous spirit hoping to help her.
So tonight she asked me to give her money for the damage deposit: “if I could help her”.
I replied by saying: “ I don’t feel comfortable just giving you 500 dollars. What if I lend it to you? No expectations on an immediate return but some assurance that you will return it to me some time or some way since I don’t want to feel taken advantage of.”
By someway I don’t mean sex either. I mean like find a way to make it up to me when you find more stability.
I’m between jobs rn and I was just in an accident and am paying for things out of pocket so things are kind of tight.
Once I find a new job I will feel more secure financially. However rn, I feel it’s a bit much to ask for a 500 dollar gift when I have been so generous already with my time, my vehicle, my treats for hookah with is like 45-60 bucks a date and all the meals I have bought.
I understand she’s in a bit of a predicament and probably wouldn’t want to ask me if the circumstances were different thus I’m a bit torn. Part of me wants to help but part of me wants to remain cautious.
AITAH for asking for her to repay me the money she needs even if I say there is no immediate request for a return ?
2024.05.19 10:41 KeepCalmAndHustle AITA for spending more time with my in-laws than with my own family ?
Hi there. My gf and I (both 25) have been together for over 3 years and we’re now engaged and would like to get married in the next 18 months.
There’s been a lot of issues between my in-laws and my family but especially between my gf and my family, especially with my mother. They described my gf as manipulative, gold digger and so on… My family and my in-laws don’t talk to each other anymore because of that and I’m the one on both sides of the « families relationships »
My in-laws earn more money together than my parents and thus have a better lifestyle than my family. They have 2 children with my gf being the younger and she has her own bedroom at my in-laws place.
I am the eldest of 3 kids and my 2 brothers ( 24 and 20 ) still live with my parents. My bedroom was given to my younger brother when I left my parents for work. Also, my gf and I come from the same city so our parents live like 15 mins apart.
Coming to the point: I’ve been off for the last 3 weeks and decided to visit my parents. My gf and I stayed there for like a week (spaced days but 3 times 2 days spent there). My parents always complain that I don’t spent time with them and my brothers but when I visit them, one of my brother is at work and the other one is away with his gf. Also, when I visit them, we spend all the time at home, watching Netflix or whatever and it bores the hell out of me. My mom is talking 24/7 about money, how she got a deal on this, how much is this worth and the way she dresses to make you think that she’s rich when she’s not. She’s also very judgmental about me and my decisions: I decided to get my ear pierced and she didn’t like it at all ( literally told me wtf is that ), I gained a lot of weight for the past 4 years and she keeps reminiscing the time when I was thin, always judging about my body and appearance and it really starts to piss me off. She clearly has some inferiority complex with money, especially with my in-laws. Also, I just turned 25 and I didn’t expect a present from my parents because they didn’t give anything for the last 5 birthdays and apparently they bought this all in 1 IPhone charging station ( I already have one ) which they wanted to give me. Tbh it looked like they just didn’t think about a gift at all and they tried to hide it. I didn’t feel disappointed at all but I just felt ashamed for them like if you didn’t think about it just say it to me.
So, AITA for spending more time with my in-laws?
Do you have any ideas on how to deal with it and maybe have a discussion with my parents ?
submitted by KeepCalmAndHustle to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
There’s been a lot of issues between my in-laws and my family but especially between my gf and my family, especially with my mother. They described my gf as manipulative, gold digger and so on… My family and my in-laws don’t talk to each other anymore because of that and I’m the one on both sides of the « families relationships »
My in-laws earn more money together than my parents and thus have a better lifestyle than my family. They have 2 children with my gf being the younger and she has her own bedroom at my in-laws place.
I am the eldest of 3 kids and my 2 brothers ( 24 and 20 ) still live with my parents. My bedroom was given to my younger brother when I left my parents for work. Also, my gf and I come from the same city so our parents live like 15 mins apart.
Coming to the point: I’ve been off for the last 3 weeks and decided to visit my parents. My gf and I stayed there for like a week (spaced days but 3 times 2 days spent there). My parents always complain that I don’t spent time with them and my brothers but when I visit them, one of my brother is at work and the other one is away with his gf. Also, when I visit them, we spend all the time at home, watching Netflix or whatever and it bores the hell out of me. My mom is talking 24/7 about money, how she got a deal on this, how much is this worth and the way she dresses to make you think that she’s rich when she’s not. She’s also very judgmental about me and my decisions: I decided to get my ear pierced and she didn’t like it at all ( literally told me wtf is that ), I gained a lot of weight for the past 4 years and she keeps reminiscing the time when I was thin, always judging about my body and appearance and it really starts to piss me off. She clearly has some inferiority complex with money, especially with my in-laws. Also, I just turned 25 and I didn’t expect a present from my parents because they didn’t give anything for the last 5 birthdays and apparently they bought this all in 1 IPhone charging station ( I already have one ) which they wanted to give me. Tbh it looked like they just didn’t think about a gift at all and they tried to hide it. I didn’t feel disappointed at all but I just felt ashamed for them like if you didn’t think about it just say it to me.
So, AITA for spending more time with my in-laws?
Do you have any ideas on how to deal with it and maybe have a discussion with my parents ?
2024.05.19 10:40 Gothfreak427 AITA (Or in this case was I the asshole) for telling my friends how I felt when I didn't get invited to one of their birthday celebrations?
Tldr: I expressed how I felt to my friends and they called me dramatic for it.
For context, I (26f) have been in this friend group (23f, 25m, 23m) for over a year now and have been best friends with 23f since 2016. We all do many things together and shared many great moments. We all are there for each other when needed as well. Whenever there is a celebration of a birthday or a special occasion, everyone is on top of letting each other know............until recently.
It was recently 23m's birthday (I'm not giving out their full names due to privacy) and his mom (Who knows me well by the way and has considered me like her own daughter) coordinated a get together at downtown Disneyland with everyone else along with 23m's other friends but she NEVER told me about this at all. How I found this out? Well, last night I saw a post from 23m posting everyone together and how "All of his special friends made his day special."
When I saw this.......I felt hurt. I felt hurt, and even betrayed that I didn't hear about any of this. Many feelings were spiraling within my mind and I was seriously tempted at times to explode my anger on them and cuss them out. However, I knew better and didn't do that. I spent all day today processing this by asking others for advice along with carefully choosing what to say to my friends.
I sent it out to them and I had no intention of being ill willed nor did I cuss them out. Many people on my online discord group encouraged me to express how I felt to them. I sent this out and I got a reply from 23m and 25m.........and I got some serious backlash from them. 23m did apologize for this yes, however, he said that I was taking it out on him and he wasn't the one that coordinated this whole thing. Mind you, this was the first I heard that his mom was the one who organized this. Not him. I do understand where he's coming from since he didn't know either. Now with 25m's response? He said that I wasn't being a good friend and how I was in the wrong for saying this. He told me that I upsetted 23m and how I was being dramatic or angry.
I'll tell you, when I first saw this I was fuming with anger. I was told to express how I feel and I get told thst I was being dramatic and how I "ruined" 23m's mood? I feel attacked here all because I was expressing my hurt. I did my best to word it in a way that didn't hurt anyone.
But guys, I must ask though, was I wrong for expressing how I felt to my friends for not getting an invite? Or even to his mom who knows me well and tbh, my friends could have said something too. Sure, this whole get together was last minute but I cannot help but feel hurt here. I literally cried myself to sleep last night over this and even now due to their response. But then, another half of me feels as if I was the one being too dramatic or out of line. Am I the asshole here?
submitted by Gothfreak427 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
For context, I (26f) have been in this friend group (23f, 25m, 23m) for over a year now and have been best friends with 23f since 2016. We all do many things together and shared many great moments. We all are there for each other when needed as well. Whenever there is a celebration of a birthday or a special occasion, everyone is on top of letting each other know............until recently.
It was recently 23m's birthday (I'm not giving out their full names due to privacy) and his mom (Who knows me well by the way and has considered me like her own daughter) coordinated a get together at downtown Disneyland with everyone else along with 23m's other friends but she NEVER told me about this at all. How I found this out? Well, last night I saw a post from 23m posting everyone together and how "All of his special friends made his day special."
When I saw this.......I felt hurt. I felt hurt, and even betrayed that I didn't hear about any of this. Many feelings were spiraling within my mind and I was seriously tempted at times to explode my anger on them and cuss them out. However, I knew better and didn't do that. I spent all day today processing this by asking others for advice along with carefully choosing what to say to my friends.
I sent it out to them and I had no intention of being ill willed nor did I cuss them out. Many people on my online discord group encouraged me to express how I felt to them. I sent this out and I got a reply from 23m and 25m.........and I got some serious backlash from them. 23m did apologize for this yes, however, he said that I was taking it out on him and he wasn't the one that coordinated this whole thing. Mind you, this was the first I heard that his mom was the one who organized this. Not him. I do understand where he's coming from since he didn't know either. Now with 25m's response? He said that I wasn't being a good friend and how I was in the wrong for saying this. He told me that I upsetted 23m and how I was being dramatic or angry.
I'll tell you, when I first saw this I was fuming with anger. I was told to express how I feel and I get told thst I was being dramatic and how I "ruined" 23m's mood? I feel attacked here all because I was expressing my hurt. I did my best to word it in a way that didn't hurt anyone.
But guys, I must ask though, was I wrong for expressing how I felt to my friends for not getting an invite? Or even to his mom who knows me well and tbh, my friends could have said something too. Sure, this whole get together was last minute but I cannot help but feel hurt here. I literally cried myself to sleep last night over this and even now due to their response. But then, another half of me feels as if I was the one being too dramatic or out of line. Am I the asshole here?
2024.05.19 10:40 ChickensCantFly-T_T I want and need to stop hating and generalising women.
This is my first time posting here, and I want to firstly acknowledge what an awesome community you all are and say thank you to Dr K, the HealthyGamerGG team, and all of you for the work and lengths you go to provide help for struggling individuals like me.
I (28M) have a problem. Which is that I resent women and don't trust them. And this post will probably cast me into the incel/redpiller troupe.
I have realised through reflecting on my behaviours that I interpret the actions/behaviours/interactions of women through a redpill lens. A movement I don't want to support and desperately want to believe is untrue. However, I feel that by wanting to rid myself of the redpill, I am just being ignorant to the "reality" of how things work. But believing in the "the redpill reality" makes me so disheartened and hopeless of ever finding a woman who loves me for who I am, who isn't shallow, materialistic, self interested in her wants/desires etc etc etc. <- Beliefs I really don't want to believe about women.
For context, my ex-girlfriend revealed to me that the reason she was attracted to me was because of my career. I am a guidance engineer specialising in hypersonic weapons development. I make well above the average salary and have a stable/exciting career. When she revealed this to me I was immediately offended. I felt she only loved me because of my money and status as she admitted to not finding me interesting of physically attractive when we first met. I honestly don't know if my reaction/judgement of her is wrong. I feel I made strong conclusions about her but I also believe my judgement of her was correct. Am I in the wrong?
There were other instances that she would comment on that really upsetted me. My family isn't rich by any means and this seemed to really trouble her and she would question the "competency" of our family and how she doesn't want to "marry down". She also would be upset if I didn't take her to a lavish restaurant for her birthday as she felt I didn't value her etc.
I don't want to go through life with so much hate and anger towards women. I feel so hopeless and so disappointed about the future by continuing to believe this narrative that I have convinced myself about. That "all women are like this". That women are selfish, self prioritising, lacking in morals/compassion etc. It is so damaging to myself, to the people around me, and to women themselves, and it is not fair or helpful to anyone. I wish I can whole heartedly believe this not true and that I am misguided in every way. But I find it so depressingly hard to believe otherwise. Please help.
And I apologise for the heavy rant/vent and if I have offended anyone. I am just wondering if anyone can resonate with my experience and has overcome this. Thank you.
submitted by ChickensCantFly-T_T to Healthygamergg [link] [comments]
I (28M) have a problem. Which is that I resent women and don't trust them. And this post will probably cast me into the incel/redpiller troupe.
I have realised through reflecting on my behaviours that I interpret the actions/behaviours/interactions of women through a redpill lens. A movement I don't want to support and desperately want to believe is untrue. However, I feel that by wanting to rid myself of the redpill, I am just being ignorant to the "reality" of how things work. But believing in the "the redpill reality" makes me so disheartened and hopeless of ever finding a woman who loves me for who I am, who isn't shallow, materialistic, self interested in her wants/desires etc etc etc. <- Beliefs I really don't want to believe about women.
For context, my ex-girlfriend revealed to me that the reason she was attracted to me was because of my career. I am a guidance engineer specialising in hypersonic weapons development. I make well above the average salary and have a stable/exciting career. When she revealed this to me I was immediately offended. I felt she only loved me because of my money and status as she admitted to not finding me interesting of physically attractive when we first met. I honestly don't know if my reaction/judgement of her is wrong. I feel I made strong conclusions about her but I also believe my judgement of her was correct. Am I in the wrong?
There were other instances that she would comment on that really upsetted me. My family isn't rich by any means and this seemed to really trouble her and she would question the "competency" of our family and how she doesn't want to "marry down". She also would be upset if I didn't take her to a lavish restaurant for her birthday as she felt I didn't value her etc.
I don't want to go through life with so much hate and anger towards women. I feel so hopeless and so disappointed about the future by continuing to believe this narrative that I have convinced myself about. That "all women are like this". That women are selfish, self prioritising, lacking in morals/compassion etc. It is so damaging to myself, to the people around me, and to women themselves, and it is not fair or helpful to anyone. I wish I can whole heartedly believe this not true and that I am misguided in every way. But I find it so depressingly hard to believe otherwise. Please help.
And I apologise for the heavy rant/vent and if I have offended anyone. I am just wondering if anyone can resonate with my experience and has overcome this. Thank you.
2024.05.19 10:30 sunflower99_ Am I in the wrong for holding grudges against the ppl that hurt my friends/family/partner?
My (25F) girlfriend and I (24NB) were planning on having just one birthday party for the both of us next month, since our birthdays are only days apart and I'm going to be visiting her (we are long distance) for the week. We thought it was a good idea to have it together. The ppl invited are just her group of friends (for obvious reasons) whom I get along pretty well and already knew beforehand. The issue came around later when she asked me if she could invite another friend to the party that's not really in the group chat, and I told her that since this is a celebration for the both of us, I wouldn't be comfortable with that.
Now, the thing is, I don't like this particular friend at all because of some stuff he did and said in the past (about my gf). They fought and fell apart for a couple of months last year and then at the beginning of this one, after blocking her and removing her from his social media and bad-mouthing her, he asked her to reconnect and talk about it. Apparently a mutual friend convinced him. My gf accepted this and went to have dinner with him and they did talk about it, he apologized for being an asshole but told her that he was just waiting for her to reach out (cause she used to do that when they fought before and now she didn’t). At the end, she told him that they couldn't go back to what they were, but they could see how things go. She asked for my opinion on this and I told her that based on the things he said at the meeting and all that, I wouldn't really trust him, but at the end of the day it was her choice and I'd respect whatever she decided on, whether they are friends again or just acquaintances. That doesn't mean I don't have my own thoughts about it though. He was an immature asshole and he hurt her and made her cry. She was dealing with a lot of intrusive thoughts and had depressive episodes after all went down. I understand she wants to forgive him, and I actually like how she can put all behind them and move on, but I'm not really like that.
Anyways, that was it. She told me she wouldn't want to hang out with him like just the two of them like before, but that she wouldn't avoid him if he happen to be in the same place or hanging out with the same friends.
As far as I know, they haven't been talking at all. But now she told me she wants to invite him to the birthday party and wanted to know how I felt about it. And I was honest. I don't like him and I would rather not see him, if it can be avoided. I wouldn't have said anything if it was just her party, of course, because she has the right to invite whoever she wants, but since it was a celebration for the both of us and since she asked, I guess I thought it would've been nice to have a say and all that. This didn't really sit right with her.
We had a huge fight about it and she told me she wanted to invite him anyways, and if I didn't want him there bc it was my birthday as well, we should do two separate parties so she can invite him to hers. Under normal circumstances, that would've been fine by me. But as I established before, we are long distance. None of my friends or family are going to celebrate with me there, so I think the idea is rather dumb; the only person who's not going to be invited to mine is him, the rest of the guests would be the same and really, would they even want to go to two different reunions with a two day difference just because of this one person? At the end, I told her it was fine and I would just bear with it. I'm not an immature person who's going to fill the room with negative energy just because of this, and the things he did are not really unforgivable crimes to the point I wouldn't want to be in the same room as him. He's just an asshole and a bad friend. I didn't really like the fact that she asked me like I had a choice at all, because at the end it was either we invite him or you make your own party outside of mine, but anyways.
So, that's solved. I can compromise on that and I also understand her point, I guess, since at the end of the day he is (was?) one of her closest friends. I don't know.
The thing that has been bothering me now is that after all of this went down, we talked about it more deeply and she told me that it doesn't make sense that I would hold a grudge towards the people that are in her life, cause the problems she has have all to do with her and whoever that person is and not, well, me.
And I don't really know how to feel about that? I had issues with some friends in the past and ex partners that were toxic, and the ppl around me despise them. I have a complicated relationship with my mom as well, and most of them hold resentment towards her for that reason and I'm aware of this. These problems are none of their business, I know, but I thought it was normal to watch them react to it and form their own opinions toward those people because they hurt me. And I'm dear to them. And it's the same the other way around. If you hurt my friends, I don't like you, whether you are a family member or an ex boyfriend or a toxic friend.
I asked her what does she think about the ppl that hurt me, and she told me she doesn't have any kind of resentment towards them because is not her place. She might not like them bc of their actions, but that's about it. If I decide to forgive them, she welcomes them back into her life as well.
So now I'm wondering, is it wrong of me to hold grudges against someone who hurts the people who are dear to me? Am I the asshole? Should I stop?
I have spoken about this to my friends but I think I need a little more perspective, cause they all behave the same way I do when we are talking about this particular topic.
submitted by sunflower99_ to AITAH [link] [comments]
Now, the thing is, I don't like this particular friend at all because of some stuff he did and said in the past (about my gf). They fought and fell apart for a couple of months last year and then at the beginning of this one, after blocking her and removing her from his social media and bad-mouthing her, he asked her to reconnect and talk about it. Apparently a mutual friend convinced him. My gf accepted this and went to have dinner with him and they did talk about it, he apologized for being an asshole but told her that he was just waiting for her to reach out (cause she used to do that when they fought before and now she didn’t). At the end, she told him that they couldn't go back to what they were, but they could see how things go. She asked for my opinion on this and I told her that based on the things he said at the meeting and all that, I wouldn't really trust him, but at the end of the day it was her choice and I'd respect whatever she decided on, whether they are friends again or just acquaintances. That doesn't mean I don't have my own thoughts about it though. He was an immature asshole and he hurt her and made her cry. She was dealing with a lot of intrusive thoughts and had depressive episodes after all went down. I understand she wants to forgive him, and I actually like how she can put all behind them and move on, but I'm not really like that.
Anyways, that was it. She told me she wouldn't want to hang out with him like just the two of them like before, but that she wouldn't avoid him if he happen to be in the same place or hanging out with the same friends.
As far as I know, they haven't been talking at all. But now she told me she wants to invite him to the birthday party and wanted to know how I felt about it. And I was honest. I don't like him and I would rather not see him, if it can be avoided. I wouldn't have said anything if it was just her party, of course, because she has the right to invite whoever she wants, but since it was a celebration for the both of us and since she asked, I guess I thought it would've been nice to have a say and all that. This didn't really sit right with her.
We had a huge fight about it and she told me she wanted to invite him anyways, and if I didn't want him there bc it was my birthday as well, we should do two separate parties so she can invite him to hers. Under normal circumstances, that would've been fine by me. But as I established before, we are long distance. None of my friends or family are going to celebrate with me there, so I think the idea is rather dumb; the only person who's not going to be invited to mine is him, the rest of the guests would be the same and really, would they even want to go to two different reunions with a two day difference just because of this one person? At the end, I told her it was fine and I would just bear with it. I'm not an immature person who's going to fill the room with negative energy just because of this, and the things he did are not really unforgivable crimes to the point I wouldn't want to be in the same room as him. He's just an asshole and a bad friend. I didn't really like the fact that she asked me like I had a choice at all, because at the end it was either we invite him or you make your own party outside of mine, but anyways.
So, that's solved. I can compromise on that and I also understand her point, I guess, since at the end of the day he is (was?) one of her closest friends. I don't know.
The thing that has been bothering me now is that after all of this went down, we talked about it more deeply and she told me that it doesn't make sense that I would hold a grudge towards the people that are in her life, cause the problems she has have all to do with her and whoever that person is and not, well, me.
And I don't really know how to feel about that? I had issues with some friends in the past and ex partners that were toxic, and the ppl around me despise them. I have a complicated relationship with my mom as well, and most of them hold resentment towards her for that reason and I'm aware of this. These problems are none of their business, I know, but I thought it was normal to watch them react to it and form their own opinions toward those people because they hurt me. And I'm dear to them. And it's the same the other way around. If you hurt my friends, I don't like you, whether you are a family member or an ex boyfriend or a toxic friend.
I asked her what does she think about the ppl that hurt me, and she told me she doesn't have any kind of resentment towards them because is not her place. She might not like them bc of their actions, but that's about it. If I decide to forgive them, she welcomes them back into her life as well.
So now I'm wondering, is it wrong of me to hold grudges against someone who hurts the people who are dear to me? Am I the asshole? Should I stop?
I have spoken about this to my friends but I think I need a little more perspective, cause they all behave the same way I do when we are talking about this particular topic.
2024.05.19 10:21 RealAd1811 I think I offended my boyfriend’s family, how do I recover?
I am 31F and dating a 34M. I live in a city and he lives with family in a small rural town one hour away. He has 3 siblings, 2 sisters. The eldest sister lives a 17 hour drive away.
We have been dating 2 years. I was invited to his older sisters baby shower in January, which was 17 hours away. I was offered a ride with his younger sister and aunt but declined and sent a gift, as I was so wiped from the holidays and would have to take off work. I was also not confident about my ability to socialize for so long and I didn’t know them very well, I know my social battery is low and I would be probably mute because I just am not very social and it would be a long time together. My boyfriend wasn’t going. I’m not sure if his older sister holds that against me or not.
Yesterday I was invited to his nieces birthday, I went early Saturday, it was an hours drive away. It was nice except his mom who has mental illness and recently divorced their dad came and no one expected that, and my boyfriend and her don’t get along. I had only met his mom one other time almost 2 years ago. My mom also has mental illness so I understand. I have nothing against her!!! I would love to get along with a future in law. But when my boyfriend and I walked in I said hi, and she looked at us and said to my boyfriend, “I am not a stalker” and walked away, and it was pretty awkward.
His older sister and her husband and their new baby flew in to come to the party!
So anyways the party was fun and lovely. I found out there was a wedding reception of his cousins that night. I had no idea about it, I thought my boyfriend and I would go back to my place Saturday night and spend Sunday together like always. But I said I’d go and I went and bought an outfit in his town and went to the reception! It was nice, it was for someone on his mom’s side of the family which I’d never met!
His sister told us at the reception that their mom said I gave her a dirty look, which I didn’t or didn’t mean to! She didn’t say it like she believed I did, but like their mom was starting drama. But their mom is ill and has a lot of negative thoughts about everyone. But it made me feel bad :(
I was feeling shy at the reception, and didn’t dance until the very end to one song awkwardly. His older sister was trying to get my boyfriend to dance, but he wouldn’t, and she said he always does, and it seemed like she was thinking that he wouldn’t dance because I was there, because I didn’t want to. I felt bad.
I was quiet a lot, I think I came off as not wanting to be there? I don’t know! I hope not. But I find socializing hard and I feel I put my foot in my mouth several times.
SO his older sister who flew in found out about a graduation party the next day, Sunday, and invited us all. And also they decided they are going out for their dad’s birthday Sunday evening. His sister invited us and it was sooo loud in the reception I wasn’t hearing everything of what people were saying. My boyfriend said we might be able to make it to the grad party, and I was like yeah I think so I think, but it might have seemed I didn’t want to, but I hope not. They were like, how far is it to your house? How long of a drive tonight and tomorrow? And were like that’s not that far.
So when we left the reception, his older sister was like, you guys should come, I hope to see you there. I thought I saw her roll her eyes at me for being noncommittal. I talked about it with my boyfriend after and said I’d like to go. I really have no idea who the grad party is for and don’t know if my boyfriend wants to go to that, but I definitely want to go to his dad’s bday dinner.
I just felt like his sister was not liking that she felt I didn’t want to do these things tomorrow. I kind of don’t want to but totally will. I hate that I seemed like I didn’t want to. I just had a really rough week at work working overtime and my work is abusive and I’ve been looking for another job, and Saturday day is my chore day but I was at the birthday party, I haven’t gone grocery shopping or done laundry. Which whatever.
His sister also encouraged me to do the single ladies bouquet toss, it was me and like 7 10 and under girls. It got tossed really far away from me and I didn’t run for it as o had all these little girls in front.
TLDR: Why am I like this? I believe I have offended his family and made them not like me. I don’t feel like a very likable person. I typically like to know plans ahead of time but don’t want to turn down these invites, I will go and want to make a good impression. Please help me get my head straight. I fear my boyfriend’s family doesn’t really like me, and thinks I don’t like them or that my boyfriend needs someone more social who fits in.
submitted by RealAd1811 to Advice [link] [comments]
We have been dating 2 years. I was invited to his older sisters baby shower in January, which was 17 hours away. I was offered a ride with his younger sister and aunt but declined and sent a gift, as I was so wiped from the holidays and would have to take off work. I was also not confident about my ability to socialize for so long and I didn’t know them very well, I know my social battery is low and I would be probably mute because I just am not very social and it would be a long time together. My boyfriend wasn’t going. I’m not sure if his older sister holds that against me or not.
Yesterday I was invited to his nieces birthday, I went early Saturday, it was an hours drive away. It was nice except his mom who has mental illness and recently divorced their dad came and no one expected that, and my boyfriend and her don’t get along. I had only met his mom one other time almost 2 years ago. My mom also has mental illness so I understand. I have nothing against her!!! I would love to get along with a future in law. But when my boyfriend and I walked in I said hi, and she looked at us and said to my boyfriend, “I am not a stalker” and walked away, and it was pretty awkward.
His older sister and her husband and their new baby flew in to come to the party!
So anyways the party was fun and lovely. I found out there was a wedding reception of his cousins that night. I had no idea about it, I thought my boyfriend and I would go back to my place Saturday night and spend Sunday together like always. But I said I’d go and I went and bought an outfit in his town and went to the reception! It was nice, it was for someone on his mom’s side of the family which I’d never met!
His sister told us at the reception that their mom said I gave her a dirty look, which I didn’t or didn’t mean to! She didn’t say it like she believed I did, but like their mom was starting drama. But their mom is ill and has a lot of negative thoughts about everyone. But it made me feel bad :(
I was feeling shy at the reception, and didn’t dance until the very end to one song awkwardly. His older sister was trying to get my boyfriend to dance, but he wouldn’t, and she said he always does, and it seemed like she was thinking that he wouldn’t dance because I was there, because I didn’t want to. I felt bad.
I was quiet a lot, I think I came off as not wanting to be there? I don’t know! I hope not. But I find socializing hard and I feel I put my foot in my mouth several times.
SO his older sister who flew in found out about a graduation party the next day, Sunday, and invited us all. And also they decided they are going out for their dad’s birthday Sunday evening. His sister invited us and it was sooo loud in the reception I wasn’t hearing everything of what people were saying. My boyfriend said we might be able to make it to the grad party, and I was like yeah I think so I think, but it might have seemed I didn’t want to, but I hope not. They were like, how far is it to your house? How long of a drive tonight and tomorrow? And were like that’s not that far.
So when we left the reception, his older sister was like, you guys should come, I hope to see you there. I thought I saw her roll her eyes at me for being noncommittal. I talked about it with my boyfriend after and said I’d like to go. I really have no idea who the grad party is for and don’t know if my boyfriend wants to go to that, but I definitely want to go to his dad’s bday dinner.
I just felt like his sister was not liking that she felt I didn’t want to do these things tomorrow. I kind of don’t want to but totally will. I hate that I seemed like I didn’t want to. I just had a really rough week at work working overtime and my work is abusive and I’ve been looking for another job, and Saturday day is my chore day but I was at the birthday party, I haven’t gone grocery shopping or done laundry. Which whatever.
His sister also encouraged me to do the single ladies bouquet toss, it was me and like 7 10 and under girls. It got tossed really far away from me and I didn’t run for it as o had all these little girls in front.
TLDR: Why am I like this? I believe I have offended his family and made them not like me. I don’t feel like a very likable person. I typically like to know plans ahead of time but don’t want to turn down these invites, I will go and want to make a good impression. Please help me get my head straight. I fear my boyfriend’s family doesn’t really like me, and thinks I don’t like them or that my boyfriend needs someone more social who fits in.
2024.05.19 10:20 mamamo_xoxo Magkatrabaho parehas may asawa’t anak
I’m straight female, 28 yrs old. Nung kinonfront ko partner ko, inamin nya lahat lahat sakin, kung paano nabuo yung feelings nya sa katrabaho nya during our rough patch sa relationship namin, paano nagparamdam sa kanya yung girl, paanong unang beses syang niyaya umuwi ng girl at nagpahatid sa kanya pauwi (pumayag sya), paano umamin sila sa isa’t isa, paano sila nag laplapan sa kotse namin, paano sila nagsimulang magsabihan ng I love yous and magtawagan ng “baby”, at kung paano sila nagsimulang magtext at magflirt behind their partners’ backs.
Almost 1 month pa lang sila nagstart magkabitan, nahuli ko na agad asawa ko. So, di pa ganun kalalim yung feelings nila, di pa sila naabot sa toot stage. Sa kissing pa lang at kilig kilig pa lang katulad ng mga bagong mag-jowa. Di kasi nagstart yung kabitan nila na sex yung habol sa isa’t isa. More on affection for each other. May nakita yung patner ko na something kay girl na dating ginagawa ko sa kanya, na di ko na ginagawa ngayon masyado (ex: inaasikaso, dinadalhan ng food), plus, nasa vulnerable state daw kasi yung partner ko kasi panay kami away around those time. Saktong lagi silang magkasama nung girl sa station nila sa work (F&B industry), nakakachikahan nya lagi about work and about personal life. Nadistract sya from his problems sa bahay and naging comfort nya si girl nang hindi nya namamalayan. Nag oopen up si girl ng mga problems nya sa work at sa partner nya, kaya pati partner ko, nagshare na rin sa kanya ng problems nya (pero not that detailed). I can’t really say na nagcomfortan sila basta during the process, nabuo yung feelings kasi nga lagi silang unintentionally magkasama sa station nila sa work at of course, lagi tuloy sila nagchichikahan.
Sa loob ng 7 years, ngayon lang nagcheat partner ko, (I know kasi may access kami parehas sa phone and account ng isa’t isa since we started dating). Nag usap na kami ng partner ko, para sa akin, deal-breaker talaga pag nag cheat eh at gusto kong panindigan na pag nagloko, wala na talaga. Pero something’s stopping me, it hurts the idea of leaving him. Kasi di biro yung tagal ng pagsasama namin, plus, may anak kami, isa. Sobrang sakit lang sa part na nahuli ko syang nagloloko on the day ng birthday celebration ng anak namin sa resort, while we are all having fun. I’m not going into details anymore. Mas masakit pa dun kasi, 2 days from the day na nahuli ko sya, anniversary namin. Nakakabaliw yung idea na kung di ko pa sya nahuli, magmumukha akong tanga sa anniversary namin. Nagbabalak pa naman kami magdate night sa anniversary namin nun. Sya pa ang nagpa-plano kung paano at saan. Nadepressed ako sobra. Nagwala, umiyak nang umiyak at nawalan nang gana kumain. Muntik na kami mawalan ng work parehas. It was really messy. It’s been 2 weeks and masakit pa rin, sumisikip dibdib ko pag naiisip ko lahat, kahit tinapos na nila yung kabitan at bumabawi naman sya now. I really want it to work out pero pag naiisip ko yung ginawa nya, di ko kaya yung sakit. Di ko maintindihan sarili ko. Any advice naman.
Curious ako, sabi ko, bakit di sila umabot sa stage na nagsesex sila or any sexual activity (pero naglaplapan sila). Is laplapan a way to show intimacy? Sabi nya, wala sa isip nila parehas yun, at pure love daw nararamdaman nila, like, kiligan lang, iloveyouhan, imissyouhan at kiss. Totally wala talaga sa isip nila yung sex. Katulad lang ba yun ng mga bagong magjowa na infatuation lang muna? Inamin nya, minahal daw nya si girl dahil sa mga ginawa nung girl for him (may kilig talaga and butterflies sa stomach everytime they kiss and everytime they’re together). Dahil sa mga efforts ni girl, pag aasikaso, paghanga sa kanya ni girl at compliments. It bothers me so much. Naramdaman nya daw talaga na true love yun at inamin nyang masakit yung idea na ititigil nila yung kabitan nila. Nafefeel nya daw na at peace sya at nacocomfort sya sa presence ni girl. Todo deny sya sakin nung sinabi kong that’s exactly what we call “infatuation”. Hindi daw yun infatuation. Love daw talaga yun. (I made him confess everything to me and now it all bothers me so much). Sabi ko pa, ganun naman talaga pag infatuation, sa simula, kiligan lang muna, then eventually, they will have sex na. Sabi nya hindi daw talaga and he highly doubts na aabot sila sa ganun kahit tumagal pa yung kabitan nila. Talagang comfortan lang at kiligan. Is that possible???
submitted by mamamo_xoxo to OffMyChestPH [link] [comments]
Almost 1 month pa lang sila nagstart magkabitan, nahuli ko na agad asawa ko. So, di pa ganun kalalim yung feelings nila, di pa sila naabot sa toot stage. Sa kissing pa lang at kilig kilig pa lang katulad ng mga bagong mag-jowa. Di kasi nagstart yung kabitan nila na sex yung habol sa isa’t isa. More on affection for each other. May nakita yung patner ko na something kay girl na dating ginagawa ko sa kanya, na di ko na ginagawa ngayon masyado (ex: inaasikaso, dinadalhan ng food), plus, nasa vulnerable state daw kasi yung partner ko kasi panay kami away around those time. Saktong lagi silang magkasama nung girl sa station nila sa work (F&B industry), nakakachikahan nya lagi about work and about personal life. Nadistract sya from his problems sa bahay and naging comfort nya si girl nang hindi nya namamalayan. Nag oopen up si girl ng mga problems nya sa work at sa partner nya, kaya pati partner ko, nagshare na rin sa kanya ng problems nya (pero not that detailed). I can’t really say na nagcomfortan sila basta during the process, nabuo yung feelings kasi nga lagi silang unintentionally magkasama sa station nila sa work at of course, lagi tuloy sila nagchichikahan.
Sa loob ng 7 years, ngayon lang nagcheat partner ko, (I know kasi may access kami parehas sa phone and account ng isa’t isa since we started dating). Nag usap na kami ng partner ko, para sa akin, deal-breaker talaga pag nag cheat eh at gusto kong panindigan na pag nagloko, wala na talaga. Pero something’s stopping me, it hurts the idea of leaving him. Kasi di biro yung tagal ng pagsasama namin, plus, may anak kami, isa. Sobrang sakit lang sa part na nahuli ko syang nagloloko on the day ng birthday celebration ng anak namin sa resort, while we are all having fun. I’m not going into details anymore. Mas masakit pa dun kasi, 2 days from the day na nahuli ko sya, anniversary namin. Nakakabaliw yung idea na kung di ko pa sya nahuli, magmumukha akong tanga sa anniversary namin. Nagbabalak pa naman kami magdate night sa anniversary namin nun. Sya pa ang nagpa-plano kung paano at saan. Nadepressed ako sobra. Nagwala, umiyak nang umiyak at nawalan nang gana kumain. Muntik na kami mawalan ng work parehas. It was really messy. It’s been 2 weeks and masakit pa rin, sumisikip dibdib ko pag naiisip ko lahat, kahit tinapos na nila yung kabitan at bumabawi naman sya now. I really want it to work out pero pag naiisip ko yung ginawa nya, di ko kaya yung sakit. Di ko maintindihan sarili ko. Any advice naman.
Curious ako, sabi ko, bakit di sila umabot sa stage na nagsesex sila or any sexual activity (pero naglaplapan sila). Is laplapan a way to show intimacy? Sabi nya, wala sa isip nila parehas yun, at pure love daw nararamdaman nila, like, kiligan lang, iloveyouhan, imissyouhan at kiss. Totally wala talaga sa isip nila yung sex. Katulad lang ba yun ng mga bagong magjowa na infatuation lang muna? Inamin nya, minahal daw nya si girl dahil sa mga ginawa nung girl for him (may kilig talaga and butterflies sa stomach everytime they kiss and everytime they’re together). Dahil sa mga efforts ni girl, pag aasikaso, paghanga sa kanya ni girl at compliments. It bothers me so much. Naramdaman nya daw talaga na true love yun at inamin nyang masakit yung idea na ititigil nila yung kabitan nila. Nafefeel nya daw na at peace sya at nacocomfort sya sa presence ni girl. Todo deny sya sakin nung sinabi kong that’s exactly what we call “infatuation”. Hindi daw yun infatuation. Love daw talaga yun. (I made him confess everything to me and now it all bothers me so much). Sabi ko pa, ganun naman talaga pag infatuation, sa simula, kiligan lang muna, then eventually, they will have sex na. Sabi nya hindi daw talaga and he highly doubts na aabot sila sa ganun kahit tumagal pa yung kabitan nila. Talagang comfortan lang at kiligan. Is that possible???
2024.05.19 10:10 withoutlove69 I hate being the black sheep.
TLDR; OP vents about feeling like an outsider in day-to-day life due to differing lifestyle choices and interests.
I (23F) have always felt different, from a young age. I grew up in Salt Lake City, in a devout Mormon family and always strayed from the norm. Never did I really rebel in the typical teenage rebellion way other than getting into heavy/emo music and dressing in all-black etc. but ever since I started developing my own opinions and desires for appearance, lifestyle, opinions on big-question things (I.e. religion, sexuality, etc.) it was always met with a fight and downright refusal of acceptance by my loved ones.
Fast forward ten years and I have since pursed (and failed) at a music career, gone no-contact (and got back in contact) and am now living at home with my family. The dynamic is strained and I’m trying to do my best to acquiesce to their wants but it’s difficult when we are on opposite ends of life expectation. For instance, a few days ago I told my mom I wanted to get another tattoo for my birthday to keep working on my sleeve, and she was indifferent and dismissive. Today, I wore a Lamb of God shirt (a band that I’ve been getting into the past few years) and she told me that I should never wear it again because it made her ‘sad for Jesus’ despite the graphic not being offensive or blasphemous. These are small details, but they compile on top of tension and resentment. In top of that, I’m planning on changing my birth name in the next few months and when I brought it up to my mom she just argued that I embody my given name more than I think (which I heavily disagree with).
I just want to be able to be myself. I want to be able to express myself and not feel judgement for saying that I want to go see Knocked Loose with my best friend for her birthday (an example). These things may all feel small, but I just feel like I’m sacrificing so much of myself and it sucks. I wish I could conform and be the ’normal’ version of me they all want, other days I want to be unabashed and not give a shit. Idk.
submitted by withoutlove69 to offmychest [link] [comments]
I (23F) have always felt different, from a young age. I grew up in Salt Lake City, in a devout Mormon family and always strayed from the norm. Never did I really rebel in the typical teenage rebellion way other than getting into heavy/emo music and dressing in all-black etc. but ever since I started developing my own opinions and desires for appearance, lifestyle, opinions on big-question things (I.e. religion, sexuality, etc.) it was always met with a fight and downright refusal of acceptance by my loved ones.
Fast forward ten years and I have since pursed (and failed) at a music career, gone no-contact (and got back in contact) and am now living at home with my family. The dynamic is strained and I’m trying to do my best to acquiesce to their wants but it’s difficult when we are on opposite ends of life expectation. For instance, a few days ago I told my mom I wanted to get another tattoo for my birthday to keep working on my sleeve, and she was indifferent and dismissive. Today, I wore a Lamb of God shirt (a band that I’ve been getting into the past few years) and she told me that I should never wear it again because it made her ‘sad for Jesus’ despite the graphic not being offensive or blasphemous. These are small details, but they compile on top of tension and resentment. In top of that, I’m planning on changing my birth name in the next few months and when I brought it up to my mom she just argued that I embody my given name more than I think (which I heavily disagree with).
I just want to be able to be myself. I want to be able to express myself and not feel judgement for saying that I want to go see Knocked Loose with my best friend for her birthday (an example). These things may all feel small, but I just feel like I’m sacrificing so much of myself and it sucks. I wish I could conform and be the ’normal’ version of me they all want, other days I want to be unabashed and not give a shit. Idk.
2024.05.19 10:05 ggwplucky [Abandoned Pools] Sony Connect Track by Track Interview
![[Abandoned Pools] Sony Connect Track by Track Interview](https://b.thumbs.redditmedia.com/Wh_F6hlvj3-qiM2-gJFE7A7mKUd6-BFPlteTdOzhJWY.jpg "[Abandoned Pools] Sony Connect Track by Track Interview") | A while back I was messing around with the Wayback Machine & came across this diamond in the rough on AP's MySpace page. Also found some photos, but most importantly, a track-by-track [Armed To The Teeth] interview from Sony Connect that they did back in '05 (presumably around the same time they did the Sony Connect set with the acoustic songs). submitted by ggwplucky to AbandonedPools [link] [comments] In the interview, Tommy tells the story behind each track on Armed To The Teeth (except Lucky). You'll also find tidbits about the process, lyrically & sonically of these songs, and much more! If you want to read it/see it from the "raw" source and discover more, here's a link with the Wayback's capture I found on the interview blog: https://web.archive.org/web/20071005015435/http://www.myspace.com/abandonedpools Now without further ado, the Sonic Connect Interview: A track by track discussion of Armed to the Teeth from the Sony Connect Store interview: LETHAL KILLERS TW: As far as how that [demo of the] song was constructed ... I did this trick where I would take a half-time drum loop and sort of nudge it one way and then put in another track and nudge it the other, and we got this sort of double time, rolling drum feel. So that - plus the sort of round-robin type of guitar parts that we have going - was sort of a very easy construction for a song. And then you start moving the bass part around, and, boom, you've got a song. But I think that lyrically - I want to make it clear that that song isn't necessarily [about] "church is bad, government's bad." I think it's a little bit more complicated than that, though sometimes if you mix the two of religious power and government power, that can be bad for both of them. And I kinda like the idea of not living a life saying, "Well, you better live life in a certain way because then, you know, everything's gonna be great later in heaven." You know, the idea of, like, if this is all we have now, if that idea was just a little bit more embraced, our world could be a little bit better. I just find that a little bit more satisfying, too, if you think like, this is all you have and then you're gonna die. [Laughs] It seems a little bit more like, "Oh, okay, well!" instead of, like, thinking that there's some other life at some other time and you can put things off. RABBLE TW: Well, a lot of the songs on this record - about two-thirds of it - have to do with a relationship I had that went south, and you know when you go through relationships you always have such a good 20/20 hindsight about things. And I think "Rabble" is just trying to basically say to somebody, "I just wanted to know you better" . . . It's just one of those things where, with this relationship in particular, I wish it would have turned out better. And there's a lot of things that happened that shouldn't have happened, and it's just sort of one of those "oh, what could have been?" scenarios. THE CATALYST TW: "The Catalyst" is definitely along the same lines. I think the main line in that one is "I wish I could say something beautiful to make you fall in love again." There's a Coachella reference in there, too: "Love has slowly faded away like spotlights shining into space." Have you ever been to Coachella? Of course you have. You know, there's all those spotlights that shoot up in the air. I just thought that was kinda cool, like, how far do those lights really go? "The Catalyst" was also the last song written for the record. It was demoed while we were in the studio. And it's one of those songs that I said two-thirds of the record was written for somebody. That's one of them. TIGHTER NOOSE TW: "Tighter Noose" is the oldest song on the record by far. It was probably written back in '99, 2000, or somewhere in there. I was thinking about it for the first record [2001's Humanistic], but it didn't really fit in with those kind of songs, so I kept it around and we'd even play it live occasionally. I think it fits in with these songs way better. [As for what "Tighter Noose" is about,] that song is one of those breaking-off-on-your-own- what-have-you-got-to-lose kind of things, because that was written sort of in the wake of when I was in The Eels. It wasn't a terribly happy situation, so I was like, well screw it, I'm just gonna go off and do my own thing. And then it's sort of like, well, you know: "I'm gonna go start my own thing. Uh, I have to learn to sing and write songs now." [Laughs] It's kinda funny: "Screw you guys! I'm gonna go get a deal!" And then like, "Uh oh." But really, I'm a firm believer in that [idea that] you just gotta go for it. And so it was like, well, this is gonna be difficult, but it's gonna be better than what I had before. And actually, with some distance on that situation, I realized I made the right decision and made a lot more money and was a lot more happy as a result. So that was sort of a leap of faith, you know. I didn't want to be someone's stupid bass player. Now I'm my own stupid bass player. WAITING TO PANIC TW: There was a lull between record companies. The first record [Humanistic] was on Extasy - I don't know if you know about that company, but we were basically the poster-child for the implosion of an indie label. I came off the road in 2002, the label's folding, and I'm like, well, I'm just gonna go back and give this my best shot and we'll get another deal. It seemed highly unlikely, but we ended up doing it. And there was just a lull in there where nobody was interested. I had attorneys not returning my phone calls - that kinda stuff. It felt like, I'm just waiting around and I'm really anxious. So that was a song of frustration that was written and demoed all in one day - it was a song that just came out of me in like eight hours. We also put an EP out [The Reverb EP] and on the EP is the version of that demo that I did in one day. It doesn't happen [like that] very often. Usually I build bed tracks and come back to it a few weeks later and add something, and then come back a couple of days later. This one was all in one shot. HUNTING TW: My friend Ross Golan, who has his own band Ross Golan and Molehead, had been following the wake of the relationship. He's like, "You just gotta write her a song and use her name." And I'm like, nah, nah, it's not covered enough. And he's like, "No, just do it. Go for it." So I did. I wrote this song and I wrote it for her for her birthday and I used her name, which is in the first lyric of the song, which is "Ginny." So I just went for it and wrote it. It was basically a birthday gift, and it was basically saying, like, you know, "Oops!" [Laughs] It didn't get me very far, but I like the song. We're friends, she's a good girl, absolutely, but back at that time, it was kinda like, "Erraaghhh! Here's a song!" But I like the song and I just think it was one of those times where I was really putting myself out there, and I know she liked it, too. But then, I think that's a myth where you just write a song and all of a sudden the girl just says, "Oh! Okay!" But, you know, hey. There it is. It's on the record. That's the romantic notion of how they'll react to the song, at least. TW: Exactly. And I'm really glad we're past that whole ironic phase, which I was part of with The Eels, where everything was super ironic and we'd play "The Macarena" on stage - [sarcastically] and that was funny! I'm glad we're through all that stuff, even though I was still a Beck fan when he was doing all that stuff, too. But I like being sincere and sappy and romantic. I kinda think that's a great thing. ARMED TO THE TEETH TW: This is one of the first songs written when we came off the road and I had a lot of momentum. If you look at the state of the industry you can see a lot of corporations that seem to have to buy everything in sight. They just have to own everything, and to what purpose? Does it really make the industry much better? No. There's fewer outlets, there's a lot more gatekeepers. They want to buy stuff and it just kinda makes things bad for everybody. All the radio stations play the same shit - except for Indie 103.1 and KCRW in L.A. In spite of it all, I'm just gonna try to do my best and have a career anyway. When we came off the road I felt like I had a lot of momentum. Performing live is inspiring to writing, so it was just the whole idea of, "Alright, now that I have one record under my belt, I'm gonna really go for it in spite of all the forces that be." Even though they're pretty much indifferent to us, [laughs] their actions do affect us. It's sort of a song of bravado. Why did you also choose "Armed To The Teeth" as the name of the album, too, which, in turn, implies it as the overall theme? TW: Yeah, which is funny, since I kinda decided on that theme early on, thinking I was gonna go in a certain way, but then, like I said, two-thirds of the record is love songs. So "Armed To The Teeth" doesn't really fit in a certain way, but I also liked it just because [of] that idea of, like, now I'm really ready to make a record, and also I think it reflects the state of the country a little bit. Everything's a little bit aggressive, we're at war, and I thought it was sort of timely in that way SOONER OR LATER TW: "Sooner Or Later" is another one of those tracks that was written after we got signed, so it's a newer song. I mentioned that sort of double time drum loop thing with "Lethal Killers" - this is the same thing. It's a half time drum loop that I nudged in one direction and then put in another track and nudge it in the other, then "boom," it's double time. And I like that, it's a good effect. It really sets up this kind of overlapping, rolling sound that a real drummer can't do. And things flam a little bit, and I really like that feel, so this song was constructed in the same manner where you have a rolling drum loop and then you put over a couple of guitar parts here and there and all of a sudden you got a song - I think this song is over six minutes. This is, um, I guess it's a couple things. Lyrically, it's sort of saying, like, whatever you do or whatever you say, there's no point in hiding anything because it all comes out in the end - which is the tagline in the chorus. There's no hiding. And in the verse it says, "Sooner or later / It's all coming down." In some way or another, whether you acknowledge it or if it just eats at your self, you can't really get away with anything. It's sort of fatalistic that way, but also in terms of, like, seeing how I also look at as a bigger picture of, like, politically, and since we're at war right now, it seems like things are getting a little scary. And that's kind of like one of those doomsday scenarios. If you look around a little you can really freak yourself out if you're reading about, like, bio-warfare and things like that. So a lot of this talk about "smoking gun in the shape of a mushroom cloud" and all that, it sort of brought up for me a lot of doomsday scenarios. So it's two-fold: it's that doomsday scenario, in terms of as far as the world is concerned, and then, personally, if you do stupid shit then you're eventually gonna pay for it somehow. SAILING SEAS TW: Like "Hunting," this is probably the most direct, out-there storytelling song. Instead of using her [real] name, it's switched to "Holly," which is in the chorus. So it's another one of those songs talking straight to somebody. And there's a lot of details in there that I wouldn't talk about in normal conversation. That's the funny thing about songwriting where I wouldn't talk about this, but then I can put it in this song and you can still hear it and you still understand, but it's sort of masked a little bit. It's presented in a certain way where it's somehow okay to say that when you're in a major key or something. Because like, the second verse is about pretending you're outside a room listening to somebody [you love] have sex [with someone else], and that's a situation to put yourself into to really torture yourself. I created this scenario in my head and I put it in a song, and it's kinda brutal, but the [beat of the] song is upbeat and happy. RENEGADE TW: This is a sample-based type song [with] drum loops. The cello was originally a Bjork sample and we replaced it. This one is sort of hard to explain. To me it’s just sort of like just a creation, because some of the record is social commentary, and I think there's a lot of that in this song, and it's like little snippets and ideas, and not necessarily one unifying idea. I think it's just kind of a song based on looking around and taking stock of things. This song in particular isn't really even about anything. It's just, like, observations, pretty much. And, oh, by the way, Billy Howerdel, the guitarist from A Perfect Circle, is playing guitar on that song. He jumped on that track and he's the one that makes it sound scary. MAYBE THEN SOMEDAY TW: That was one of the first songs written in the wake of the breakup. It was one of those kind of "well-it-just-didn't-work-out-but-maybe-one-day-we'll-see-what-happens" kind of things. Because the circumstances are such that it wasn't gonna happen immediately so I was kinda like, well, we'll see. I don't have much to say about that; it's just grouped in with "songs about her." GOODBYE SONG TW: That was also written when there was not a lot going on for me and we hadn't really nailed down the record deal. She [Tommy's ex-girlfriend] always thought she was bad luck - she'd show up and bad things would start happening - so she thought it was her fault that I hadn't got a deal. She actually moved away and soon as she did, we got a deal. [Laughs] I think it's funny to sort of say, like the first line of the song is "I'm not washed up / And you're not bad luck for anyone," so, you know, get off the ledge, really. And it's just one of those things; it's one of those yearning songs. I think with a lot of those songs there's a certain amount of effort spent on presenting evidence, like, "Look, I know this is how you feel, but look at all the other stuff." It's almost like making a case for your self [in a song]. And like I said, it didn't get me far, but it's still a good venting process. And I sort of realize when I say things like, "I wrote this for her" or whatever, it's not really for her. It's more self-indulgent to get this stuff out. And in a way you're saying, "Yeah, I wrote this song for you," but no, you wrote it for yourself so you could say things that you felt like saying. So I realize that and I think I realized that while I was writing them, but my job is to write songs so you take from what's around you to make it happen. |
2024.05.19 10:02 Pretty_Base_1549 AITA Only One Excluded From The Wedding
Background: I have a group of high school friends that I've been close with for nearly 15 years. We are a core group of girls (5 of us), and we also have a best guy friend as part of our larger group (let's call him Joe). Over the years we've all made a good effort to see one another - including a ski trip over covid times - even though we all live across the country. We all lead busy lives, but it's "pick up where we left off" vibes whenever we reconnect.
Joe got engaged about 2 years ago and it's one of the first weddings of our group. Us girls have all been thrilled about it. Joe and I were complete besties in high school and I'd say for the past 10 years (post college) Joe and I have had a relationship of celebrating birthdays & chatting every few months/ seeing one another when we can. He's even stayed with me a few times while in town. Though we've distanced a bit since high school days, I've always considered him a life long friend.
The past few months chats with my girlfriends have gotten very quiet re: Joes wedding. I'd casually ask if anyone had gotten more info or save the dates and every time the girls would deflect. I caught wind of a joint bachelo bachelorette party (which at first didn't bother me) until I realized all my girlfriends were going. And of course, a bach party usually means wedding plans are in full motion.
The other week I point blank asked my friend if wedding invites had gone out. She said yes and that she's been very confused/ uncomfortable about everything esp. because Joe recently stayed with her and said it would be "eye opening" for me when I realized I wasn't invited to the wedding.
I was completely BAFFLED to hear this. My immediate thought was "what did I do?!"
I decide to call Joe. We chat for a FULL hour catching up, laughing, I even mention his wedding and how it's all going...and nothing. Right as he's about to hang up I realize that he has no intention of telling me! So I point blank bring up. Now or never.
Joe proceeds to tell me that he has no intention of inviting me to the wedding because he sees me as a "surface level friend". He said that he wouldn't be sure if he even sent me an invite and RSVP'd "Yes" that I would show up. And that over recent years there have been times I didn't show up IRL. He specifically mentioned his fiances grad party from 3 years ago that I wasn't able to make it to.
I can own that in recent years I've been very career driven and ambitious, but to me our relationship has always been stable and good. He told me he's been harboring resentment over the years and just tallying up all the times he's felt I've dropped the ball - I even found out he'd call my other girlfriends to vent about it.
Ever since our call he's seeking repair and feels validated that I do (and have the entire time!) cared about our relationship...but tbh I've just felt horrible. To not only discover I'm excluded from the wedding but been left in the dark all these years about how someone really feels about me HURTS. Not to mention knowing my closest girlfriends never brought anything up? It's basically making me question everything, even some of my friendships with my girlfriends. I value honesty in ALL my relationships and this feels shady/ crosses a boundary on how I conduct friendships. It feels...so high school...
AITA for not showing up or dropping the ball in a friendship?? Is this worth repair?
submitted by Pretty_Base_1549 to AITAH [link] [comments]
Joe got engaged about 2 years ago and it's one of the first weddings of our group. Us girls have all been thrilled about it. Joe and I were complete besties in high school and I'd say for the past 10 years (post college) Joe and I have had a relationship of celebrating birthdays & chatting every few months/ seeing one another when we can. He's even stayed with me a few times while in town. Though we've distanced a bit since high school days, I've always considered him a life long friend.
The past few months chats with my girlfriends have gotten very quiet re: Joes wedding. I'd casually ask if anyone had gotten more info or save the dates and every time the girls would deflect. I caught wind of a joint bachelo bachelorette party (which at first didn't bother me) until I realized all my girlfriends were going. And of course, a bach party usually means wedding plans are in full motion.
The other week I point blank asked my friend if wedding invites had gone out. She said yes and that she's been very confused/ uncomfortable about everything esp. because Joe recently stayed with her and said it would be "eye opening" for me when I realized I wasn't invited to the wedding.
I was completely BAFFLED to hear this. My immediate thought was "what did I do?!"
I decide to call Joe. We chat for a FULL hour catching up, laughing, I even mention his wedding and how it's all going...and nothing. Right as he's about to hang up I realize that he has no intention of telling me! So I point blank bring up. Now or never.
Joe proceeds to tell me that he has no intention of inviting me to the wedding because he sees me as a "surface level friend". He said that he wouldn't be sure if he even sent me an invite and RSVP'd "Yes" that I would show up. And that over recent years there have been times I didn't show up IRL. He specifically mentioned his fiances grad party from 3 years ago that I wasn't able to make it to.
I can own that in recent years I've been very career driven and ambitious, but to me our relationship has always been stable and good. He told me he's been harboring resentment over the years and just tallying up all the times he's felt I've dropped the ball - I even found out he'd call my other girlfriends to vent about it.
Ever since our call he's seeking repair and feels validated that I do (and have the entire time!) cared about our relationship...but tbh I've just felt horrible. To not only discover I'm excluded from the wedding but been left in the dark all these years about how someone really feels about me HURTS. Not to mention knowing my closest girlfriends never brought anything up? It's basically making me question everything, even some of my friendships with my girlfriends. I value honesty in ALL my relationships and this feels shady/ crosses a boundary on how I conduct friendships. It feels...so high school...
AITA for not showing up or dropping the ball in a friendship?? Is this worth repair?
2024.05.19 09:59 verypregnanthamster Happy birthday
Your birthday came and went. And I thought about you, and where we were a year ago. I just have to close my eyes and I’m right back with you in that korean restaurant on your birthday last year, sitting across from you, watching you smile through the steam off the grill, while we share a bottle of soju.
I thought of you. And I wanted to reach out but I didn't. I thought about you like I have thought about you every single day since the day you walked out the door. I think about you every morning when I wake up. At work, I think about you when my mind drifts. I think about you every night before I fall asleep. And Even when I’m asleep, I dream of you. I can’t get you out of my head. And every day, there’s a war in my mind. Between the part of me that wants you back and the part of me that realizes you aren’t good for me.
I miss you. I miss cuddling with you. I miss coming home to you, watching anime with you. I miss falling asleep beside you, or waking up to your coffee you would make me.
It takes everything in me not to reach out. And I wonder if it ever gets easier.
When your next birthday passes, will I still feel such complicated feelings toward you? Will I still worry about you and how you're doing? How many birthdays will it take before it starts getting easier to fight the inclination to reach out?
I guess that’s why I am writing to you here. In a letter I will never send. To tell you what I wish I could say, if the logical part of my brain didn’t stop me and say what a foolish thought that would be. And what I wanted to say was happy birthday.
submitted by verypregnanthamster to UnsentLettersRaw [link] [comments]
I thought of you. And I wanted to reach out but I didn't. I thought about you like I have thought about you every single day since the day you walked out the door. I think about you every morning when I wake up. At work, I think about you when my mind drifts. I think about you every night before I fall asleep. And Even when I’m asleep, I dream of you. I can’t get you out of my head. And every day, there’s a war in my mind. Between the part of me that wants you back and the part of me that realizes you aren’t good for me.
I miss you. I miss cuddling with you. I miss coming home to you, watching anime with you. I miss falling asleep beside you, or waking up to your coffee you would make me.
It takes everything in me not to reach out. And I wonder if it ever gets easier.
When your next birthday passes, will I still feel such complicated feelings toward you? Will I still worry about you and how you're doing? How many birthdays will it take before it starts getting easier to fight the inclination to reach out?
I guess that’s why I am writing to you here. In a letter I will never send. To tell you what I wish I could say, if the logical part of my brain didn’t stop me and say what a foolish thought that would be. And what I wanted to say was happy birthday.