It is necessary to to maintain a healthy system, I made a script that does the following:

• Fetches new-mirrors,
• Upgrades the system with yay,
• Cleans the package cache,
• Set a vacuum timer for journal logs,
• Removes cached of uninstalled packages,
• And removes orphans.

This script can be executed within the ~/.bashrc on a weekly basis using a cron.
I want this script to be executed every 7 days and ensure it runs within the Alacritty terminal on workspace 6.
If you want to achieve anything similar then go aheadand follow this step-bystep:

1. **Get the script - wget https://github.com/duguayworld/Bash-Scripts/blob/main/pac_cleaner.sh**

Edit the script (`pac_cleaner.sh`) as needed.

1. **Edit your `.bashrc`**: Add a line to execute your script. For example:
   ```nano ~/.bashrc
   Scroll to the bottom and type in :
   

Switch to workspace 6 {I want visuals}

wmctrl -s 5

Open Alacritty terminal {We need to check the prompts}

alacritty -e /path/to/youactual/pac_cleaner.sh
```

1. **Set up cron job**: Use `cron` to schedule the execution of your script every 7 days. Open your crontab file by running `crontab -e` and add a line like this:
   ```bash
   0 0 * * 0 ~/path/to/pac_cleaner.sh
   ```
   

Make sure your script is executable with `chmod +x myscript.sh`.
With this setup, your script will execute every 7 days, and when it does, it will open in the Alacritty terminal on workspace 6.

Matter via thread support sucks. I realize that lots of good people are working on things, but the current state is pretty dismal. I'm an advanced guy, programmer, automation user since the X10 days, and no stranger to tech and a constant early adopter.
Hue, you're going to force me to have an account? Okay… order a Zigbee dongle from Amazon. And, oh, I can flash it so it can also use Thread, the new radio mesh network standard? Cool!
Okay, okay, I understand that this dual pan needs to offload its software to my server. I get that – the Sonoff dongle wasn't designed to do both completely onboard. But what freaking software do I need? I'm not running Home Assistant OS; I'm running in Docker.
Finally figure out the above. Thank you, b2un0, for maintaining a Docker image of the dual pan firmware without all of the HA OS cruft.
Zigbee2MQTT was incredibly easy to setup. Just a matter of using a network address instead of a device. This is how Insteon-MQTT and ZWaveJS both work: in an obvious, simple manner.
Where am I with Thread, though? The multi-pan software is just the interface to make the radio work. Totally understood. Just like Zigbee2MQTT talks to the radio, and just like Insteon-MQTT talks to the modem, and just like ZWaveJS talks to its radio. What's going to speak the Matter protocol to the Thread radio?
Obviously the Open Thread Border Router, right? I should be able to add items to it, and be good to go. Except, no. Apparently I need to add the Matter (Beta) integration? Okay, not sure why I need a middleman, but why not. Except, I can't point it that Border Router. I'm supposed to point it some Python Matter Server?
This makes a little sense. My devices speak Matter using Thread, and so far I've only set up Thread – that radio bits. Obviously I need something that can talk Matter to a Thread radio.
This is all convoluted as crap. Logically from an engineering perspective this all makes sense, but I'm not a Matter over Thread engineer, and this took me an entire day to figure out. We're getting rid of YAML in order to attract dumb people, but the current state of Matter over Thread took a non-dumb-person an entire day to figure out? I'm not even really sure that I've figured it out, by the way. And it took a whole lot of other people dedicated to making this work make it work (thanks to every one of you).
I'm tempted to send all of the unopened Matter stuff back and just keep on with my Hue stuff (over Zigbee, because screw you, Phillips). I don't want to manage 20 different docker containers just to use Matter over Thread vs. Zigbee. I want to stick to a standard that's probably here for the long haul, but Jesus, this just sucks.
Yeah, yeah, I could add it all to HomeKit, but then what do I need Home Assistant for? It's supposed to the one source of truth.

I was looking up work online and came across this uspickeswell.com I believe was the site, you can Google it. It asks for your WhatsApp number, I know red flag, but I am studying Cyber Security Engineering, and hate scammers so I thought I'd go fourth. The deal is you receive a recruit manager you're given 5-7 days trial/probation period after those days, you become a regular employee and gain $300 bonus and $2000 salary. They used harrodsnig.com I again was investigating if and what the scam is so I took note. They say we're going to let you do 38 tasks on our profile so you can earn salary because with the $10 sign up you're at insufficient funds to complete any tasks. Okay, cool. You do the 38 "tasks" (Clicking buy on orders at random and leaving 5 star review) again, I know, wrong! Also she had to get me into the server with a login id which is supposed to be your phone number and originally when messaging she wrote voc de Kelly or something I'm assuming French, and the phone number is one digit from being a real phone number at least with US country code. It didn't log in at first so I'm like ugh busted! Tell her, she's one number sht she says send screenshots I do where it shows +1 then her number missing one digit I later look even closer it's basically my number minus a digit adding a 2. But she insists she slipped up saying it's the company's account it will go through! I say you need to tell me your country code she says why I say because that counts as part of your login, she insists on keeping the same, frustrated, I enter it one more time ... Success!
Now she said she had to deposit five hundred dollars she that's what get account said, I realized after the slip of saying it's a company account, it was not hers but an account for my personal case. It goes till she gets some package order they call it, where she has to go and deposit I think it was $450 to clear the frozen account. She sens me the transfer ticket I put it through and it clears saying .15c available it was at $779 with earned commission of$235 or somewhere close don't analyze my math, I'm doing this from memory!
It doesn't let me finish her tasks because if insufficient funds I'm thinking man this poor girl is getting scammed too and maybe had just got promoted to showing people how to do it. She puts more in I get done she said go into your account. I think aren't we going to have to withdraw from her account, because she said I'm getting 25% of the money I just made her.
Well mine said the new amount of sixty dollars she swears after this we're going to withdraw cuz she said the whole time you don't pay upfront and you will make money on your training about $40 so I figure I'm going to go until they say deposit and hey let's see if you can make the $40!
See these things are ordered and you're given the principal back plus one percent then due earned commission because I watch the numbers go up as you're clicking is in deed about 10% hitting about 7$ each time and the other product return which is suppose to return your deposit but only 5% that was not seen to me. But you're ordering she said no products to to you. And you are depositing your money after you hit a price bracket that isn't convered by your "salary" cuz literally the products are say $22 3 units for $66 I had 72or something at that time for instance you click buy logically you're going to be at 6$ balance. Nope not on here, which red flag, no site reimburses that fast, ok? I mean there was no filing for a reimbursement nothing! Su I figure ugh this is kinda like an nft if you think of it these empty shell of pictures now have a value I mean even ponzi scheme make money!
It's just a pool where everyone puts in money and if you got there first you get a little more than the last guy! Nope not this not even that!
I continue and I earned $94 that first day. I go to do second day I had fallen asleep several times on her and I figure I'm just going to cash out and go I still had access to the account I made$235 for but they have a withdraw password. I tried to get the people to hello me withdraw she never said you had to have $100 in your account but here it says you have to be vip to withdraw, but true so for y'all's sake, I ventured on. I was going to go to complete road block or hit the withdraw!!
So yeah I couldn't clear her tasks from the day before out, she had to recharge for$500 again so I could earn and get I figure just keep a minimum of $65 I'm after withdrawing because then your going to always have that base amount. I did feel like I was playing Press your luck. You remember, no whammies no whammies, stop! Lol
I even say what if I am in the middle of doing these tasks and I get one of those "package deals" where you are upped to the next price range for a bulk order and I've not withdrawn cuz it'll freeze your account till you recharge. (No Whammies! No Whammies!) Whew, no whammies!! Huh!?! Ikr?
Well I'm at $217 I can actually withdraw! I have to use Meta mask she tells me and she's going to tell me how to withdraw! Well it says as I figured out yesterday it needs a binder wallet and yes I'm an IT student but never messed with crypto personally before. And so she said crypto So she does that sh I'm like uh oh here we go ... Well hers looks different than mine as I'm screenshotting I still do not what exactly but it was just a smudge off and then I go and im not aware of how to hook my bank or pay pal to it but i do know that they take crypto she's adamant about this being Meta mask but anyway i go to put in the withdrawal Password i had made the night before when i knew i had to have $100! It does NOT WORK! I ask customer care and there's no other place to reset your password well they so nicely say, your password is your responsibility you need to put it in a safe spot and all this. So I'm like ugh that's the scheme get you to order all these products so they money launder and keep your money basically a store gets sales for sales it's not making.... No she flips out then they make comments about it. I change the password and on I go I don't know crypto but the girl had me chance the currency on my address things to state BTC when I did have etc as an option I go back to meta mask (again first time doing any BTC or anything no one in this area uses that to know anything and I'm pretty aware touched on it in marketing just about how it's an economy without infrastructure etc not these small details) Now it's not showing up ... I freak out saying is that it's just gone I knew you had me put the wrong thing in what if it was wrong am I just out she says something and the system resetting idk her answers didn't even correlate with the conversation around the time I got to these questions and saying I read that Meta doesn't take BTC and all that IDK I'm off exploring what I can while she I feel is leading me down a dead end ... I couldn't imagine being a 50-60 year old going thru this because also it's not unlikely to do a secret shopper job or merchant audit and be required to pay something and have to get reimbursed. Well I get a message as I'm getting upset saying I'm going to have to wait 24hrs there was a withdraw refund! Customer service get mad at me saying we told you 24 hrs you hace to wait week ok I go about my day I do get tasks yesterday, make my money I'm on my tasks it gets stuck at $391! Its -83$ and I say I absolutely didn't have it she can't give it to me or she will be fined or fired I say you could add a friend thru a private account if she wanted to.
But anyway I am thinking about it and I'm sold that ok I did make the error with the password Knowing that I knew what I put and I've tried everything, I still get my finance to get me the $ he put$90 on which I put it in cash app I'm not giving em access to a real bank. But I do 90 so I will have enough for fees she says put in$93 she didn't even have time to look at my account to see what was owed I mean mind you when im doing any little thing she needed a screen shot which this makes it so much easier for me now to report it and yes it was on what's app but think that's so you don't have to pay international fees same as with Bitcoin.
But she said that I say well I'm going to put$85 they'll surcharge the rest. She says screen shot I didn't know what I'm doing and it brings up an offer I'm trying to tell her you gotta stop texting me cuz it's giving me like fifteen seconds to confirm to continue with this girl. It goes back to the beginning I had to re insert everything! Luckily no money had been transferred but I click sardine and it asks me how much I put $85 her offer said $83.67 one below was $83.26 idk any of this so please tell me if what I'm thinking was correct or if you think it would have been ok ... I click it and before I can add my credit card I'm asked to put in my driver's license and do the selfie which that freaks me out after the putting in money cuz they know the location
Well it comes back Insufficient funds and to add more to finalize to purchase$85! Not that I had insufficient funds on my card that I had to pay more for$85! Or to get$83.67 Idk!!
The whole thing freaked me out thinking about the password, the likeness to meta mask but hers being Even different can't they "spoof" where you and your entire network will download the cloned app? IDK if not I just still had a bad feeling.
*Which I told em I'm with homeland security and do cyber security engineering and that's a dummy identification and was investigating them and gave them a list of infractions.
She gave me this whole confession kind of and then I screenshot since she loved them...
"Can a scammer go to to prison" and it saying 1-30 years etc And
"Can you track a scammer"
She replied *Blah, bye!
So yeah who do I turn this into and should I contact Harrods?
I'm pretty proud of it even if not the scam it's sketchy enough. I mean I'm thinking it still might've made me some money but I know that's how they lure you. And seriously what if a middle aged or young age kid encounters this, yes very elaborate!

22M tryna find new friends to start a survival world with or play any other games always looking for a good game to be put on to DM for PSN all welcome ! ✌🏽

Get your filthy hands off my dessert ‘cause I’ll still have the final cut From the trembling blade in mine, don’t take a slice of my pie Give me back my pudding, maybe I don’t wanna eat my meat Fucked up old hag, you’re nearing my treat and you’re really gon’ cryYyYy
*
I SAID NO MEAT! So, if you give me any lamb cutlets You'll get cut in little pieces ‘cause I’m mastering karate You better stay at home, do as you’re told if you want to grow old I’ll grow colder than terminal frosting for my brownie and biscotti
*
I’m NOT alright, Jack, gettin’ too skinny, gimme Jimmies Oi! Where’s the fucking chocolate bar, John!? If you bite my bark, well, you heard what happened to the dogs Or what would've to Roger if he were actually a swan
*
If you fumble with apples and oranges for my crumble Been for fucking years but you will marmalake me madder Touch my Roman Meal bakery, it’ll be grim and you will grumble And wish I was fatter when conch shells shatter, hammers batter
*
You'll be screaming loud if you’re not careful with them fats, Eugene Won’t stay awake if you try my shake or are eatin’ my plate Need another lick in the bowl, for if I donut flan my own pound Well, then how will you find your way out of this glaze?
*
Hunt you down with my clan if you take my gingerbread man Feel more than a pinprick if you peel my little popsicle stick After all my years of fudging, I’ll lose my urge to defecate Can’t take my truffles safely down the street, you little shit
*
When I get home at nights, I ponder in those nights of wonder What to use fill the empty spaces where the mousse is gone Delicate sounds of hunger very soon will burst to thunder Pay this piper sorbet or I’ll be waiting at your gate by dawn
*
Can’t have any custard I’d like if you put my spoons on a chain See dark side of the spoon without ice cream in the afternoon Muffins, you can say, will make me change my mind But get my Kit-Kat, I won’t hesitate to let this riff-raff into the room
*
Lime door, thrown key, someone’s in my bread, not me My fritters and cakes devoured with my crème brûlées I need you to take this rocky road refugee and set me free ‘Fore I find gluten years are behind me and it’s too late
*
How could you treat me this way and run with my crêpes? Child-like chew of the swirl went, nothing replaced it Touch my honey, you'll get hit, price of tea is a slice To survive, don’t give me that “no gooey goods” bullshit
*
When I raise the blade, it’s not me or the buggers to blame It’ll be you who’s worn out your welcome, my son Somethin’s gotta rise, so it’s no surprise since you took my buns away And my Blue Bunny sundae, I dug your hole, so, rabbit, run
*
If you find my favorite snacks in the suitcase on the left I won’t be turning away, for your soul will be left with no wind ‘Cause when I say “pass the butter, please,” but you just take it back You’re my only chance with nothing from France to put the knife in
*
I’ll give you hell, you took my Heaven, do you think I can’t tell? I’m nobody’s fool, you've got whipping cream stains on your fingers You-you-you-you will be a frightened one, give me my coco bombs Candy canes are all long gone, so for you too will the pain linger
*
You’re on thin ice so don’t skin off my icing Or you’ll have the skin of a dying man with malaise One day you’ll find yourself deep beneath the rolling waves, motionless All over the case of replacing din with floral pastes
*
Unlike ordinary men, you will choose icy waters underground Stop my feeding, start receding, you'll eat the harvest you have coned Talk to yourself as you die so that you have a good drown Maybe you'll learn to fly after you're dragged down by the scone Scone Scone Scone Scone

Hai I’m new to Reddit so I hope I’m doing this correctly. I 35 m have had the same group of girlfriends since I was a freshman in high school and a few of them since jr high. I got married a few years ago and 2urs ago I allowed one of my friends since 8th grade to move in with us. She and I have worked together in tattoo shops before and began to work together again. During the first year she and I talked about her being a surrogate for me and at first she wanted to do it just because everyone knows how much I have always wanted a family of my own. I however did not feel comfortable asking this of her without giving back. I offered to pay off her debt and she was happy with that. I tried to get her covered by insurers before we eventually used a turkey baster however the timing just didn’t work out in time so my husband and I said we would pay for medical cost. After it was officially announced that she was pregnant I had a momentary panic attack one time and told her that if she wasn’t ready or not still comfortable with our agreement that we would also pay for an abortion. Not what I wanted but would understand knowing that it’s a big thing for both of us. She assured us that she wanted to go through with it. So it was never brought up by me ever again. Throughout the pregnancy I never charged her rent was present at every single doctors appointment bought every single meal and anything she needed including whatever she needed for her daughter from her previous marriage. Well one baby ended up being two and I was so excited that I would be having two of the four kids I have always wanted but never thought I would get due to my hiv status pronation and bad life choices I had made in the past. I’m glad I turned my life around before this opportunity presented itself best thing I’ve ever done. Before they twins were born we had paid her beyond the agreed amount not including taking care of her and her daughter. Now the surrogate is Native American and had told me that the twins would not get their trouble numbers if she was not in the birth certificate (found out that’s a lie) she also told me she applied for their numbers and got their own Medicate while also informing me that I couldn’t get wic because I am not a woman. So I blindly believed all of this cause she’s my friend for years and I thought we just wanted to help each other out to the best of our abilities. Twins are born in July and my husband and I have gone out of our way to buy a new house to accommodate me him the twins my friend and her daughter. We moved in the middle of August and things become intense. My friend was almost never home unless her daughter was with her for the weekend (I always teated her as my own) I tried to include her when I went out with our mutual friends and checked in with her regularly due to postpartum bing a real thing. She swore she was fine but I let her keep her distance. She then started picking fights with my husband who granted is twice our age and has never been around babies he has a lot to learn but it got the point where when she would pull up we would stress about being judged for not being perfect. I tried to keep the peace till one day her and my husband got in to such a nasty fight while I was grabbing my daughter from her room to feed her. I came into them screaming at each other and then both at me. I tried to catch my husband as he walked out the door and my hand got caught in it. The next two weeks before the twins first Christmas I and my mother took care of the twins ourself, me with only the use of my left arm. When my husband finally came home I sat them both down and laid in to them that this would not be allowed my kids house ever again because I care more about my kids then their feelings. I had set my boundary if they cannot get along they both have to find somewhere else to live. Fast forward to march my surrogate has informed me she will not be signing the twins over to me unless I leave my husband. I had had enough I got heated and demanded that she explain herself where she thinks she can control me. She proceeded to call the police and falsely accuse me of assault on her abuse of my children neglect and drugs. She has now challenged me for custody. She place a restraining order on me and sold all my stuff at our job to pay her lawyer on top of opening a go fund me. She does not have the means to take care of herself let alone 3 kids and I’m not rich but we are wlll enough that I can provide the life I wanted for them. However due to lawyer fees I’m running out of savings and the whole thing has me so stressed that I have a heart condition and we’re struggling to make ends meet. I’m not asking for money or anything but someone I can talk to because this is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever been through

So I should probably preface this, I’m starting a new job today. My new boss is VERY understanding, which is something I’m not used to in my bosses. I worked Monday through Friday (about 46 hours total) finishing out my new job. My old bosses were verbally abusive the whole week, and did anything to make my life a living hell. I thought that i would be able to handle going into my new job today (Saturday), but im feeling drained to a level I never have before. Im exhausted, emotionally gone, physically hurt, etc.
Is it rude to ask if maybe i can start fresh with them on my next scheduled date? I feel like im not giving them my all job wise and i rarely feel like this when going into a new job so this is all so foreign feeling to me. She just found out i worked 60 hours prior over text halfway through my shift today and said she felt bad for throwing me in the deep end so to speak.
Everyone’s telling me it’s okay to ask and to verbalize boundaries, I just want some more thoughts. Obviously if she can’t swing it, I’ll still come in tomorrow. I just want to know if it’s a conversation worth having?

Wassup guys, my name is Zane. I'm 23 and a new grad from Georgetown University, C.S major. 👨‍🎓💻I have a telegram looking to make friends and start my own community, giving out the sauce and also helping out. Lol, yeah, I put my team first and am looking to help others and build relationships. As a new grad, we're looking for jobs. I'm so close to landing an offer from Sowy as a Comp. Engineer, but for the time being, let's run up as much money as we can for the summer!. For those still in college or looking to land an offer, just know I got y'all. Let's run up 6k+. For those interested in joining or looking for more information, my telegram is linked below. Feel free to DM me as well.

Just wrapped up Shippuden, and I don't really feel like replaying the entire story. I'm really more interested in trying out so many of the characters. for reference, DBZ FighterZ was a great game for me. I've heard a lot about both games, but a lot of the stuff about connections seems to be the story mode. If i'm more interested in the combat, trying out new characters (idgaf about boruto), maybe online (If its dead I'll survive as long as the ai is pretty good), and a bit about the graphics (like it shouldn't be that noticeable of a downgrade), which one should I get? I'm definitely not buying connections at full price, so i would wait for a sale. or maybe I should wait for storm 5. who knows.

I'm not new to RC cars but I am new to this forum and new to the big stuff (which for my purposes, means anything bigger than 1/10 scale). I'm hoping to take the next step in enjoying the hobby with a large scale offroad car. I'd like to get something that will be the most fun on loose sand, hard sand, grass, broken pavement, and packed dirt (in that order).
A few things that are important to me for this purchase:
1) Anything greater than $2000 is an absolute no, and even over $1,000 would be a stretch. Kinda hoping for the $500-$1000 range.
2) The most fun for me is big powerslides, high speed, and (if I'm jumping) trying to make jumps smooth and "realistic" (like rally jumps or desert racing jumps in real life). Not really into bashing (at least not on purpose).
3) I think I want electric RTR but if there's a great kit or well-documented custom build that y'all help me discover I'd be down. I'm accustomed to wrenching on and customizing cars (real and RC), but I'm more mechanically inclined than electrically and I try to stick to plug-and-play type builds.
Traxxas UDR and Losi SBR 2.0 seem to be top contenders for me right now, with the UDR being the one I'm leaning toward because it seems to drive and soak up bumps as close to the "real thing" as possible. Thanks in advance for any advice!

So I need to get things off my chest to non family members. I have been married for 8 years, me (34F) and (35M) and we have 2 little boys 6 and 5. We got married within 6 months of dating but the thing is that he doesn’t seem to enjoy a family it feels like it’s just for an image. He does have some issues with finances and I don’t want to get too specific because I know it’s a problem he’s struggling with. He seems to be very functional because he works and pays the bills. It’s almost as if he’s living a double life. I just know that his choices negatively impact the children. Every time I mention a separation I get bullied by him and his mom making me feel like a horrible person. I have a degree so I would be able to get a decent job and would only ask a small amount from him. I just don’t want to feel like I’m trying to take all his money. I can’t work with him because I have to be with the kids at all time. I want to give my children a happier life but I feel he would make my life miserable if we separated. Two years ago I did leave him for a few months and he got a new girlfriend right away to make me jealous and introduced her to our kids, with his mom’s approval! Please be nice with any input, this is weighing hard on me everyday. I just don’t like being made to feel like a horrible person to leave him. Idk if I should just stay with my kids getting our bills paid or try to make it on my own. Thank you in advance for any responses. I’m more than willing to answer anything for more clarification. Should I leave?

My husband is addicted to attention from woman. Anyone new who can say hi or need his advice , he will be your new puppy. Be together about 5 years, in every year, I have found him cheating online so many times. Bought 2 women into our house and had sex in my bed. Record showing that every 6 months we will be fighting over other woman online. Last year, I found out he took a date with a girl who work in same place with me. Lying to me that he went out watching movie alone. We got new car , and he promises he will not bring any woman in our car but that’s a lie too. I’m not perfect myself. Before I met my husband , I never go casino before. I got hook up coz I made so much and I lost so much too. Till the year that he went date with a girl from my work place. I felt gave up and from not going casino at all. I go every weekend or every day whenever he has money in our join account . I spent our saving, our income , our bonus or even my dairy cash. I don’t really work work , but I have been out dairy to do DoorDash or something to make some money . He was lay out for a year and no income. I was the one who work and pay house bill. Sometime it’s a month or 2 late but at the end I did pay and get it caught up. Then problem came from my bad habit, we almost lost the house. And that’s the day I told him the truth that I went back casino and lost the mortgage money. He told me that day that he is no longer love me but still be here in the same house coz I don’t have place to go and I don’t have visa to be here. I got new job and got proper income. I never step back in casino again but it’s too late . We broke up. I never ask a chance from him. He never shows sign that he loves me. We just be together in a house. He play game online and talk to other women daily in front of me. Exchange photos like I’m not exist. I knew I did wrong but I now being a better person. He confuse me a lot. He won’t let me talk to anyone. If I have phone call, he will come stare at me to listen who I’m talking with. I dress up and try to go out . He will ask where and who am I going with? I stop ask him any question about his woman coz I know he doesn’t love me. Anyone has any advice how to get out and how can I do with my greencard application ? I want to use therapy but I feel I rather save money for lawyer

Normal Appearance: A tesseract with hexadecachora eyes and a pentachoron mouth (alternates between simple and double rotations)
5D Appearance: A penteract with triacontaditera eyes and a hexateron mouth (alternates between simple and double rotations)
Description: Polytope got their name from their obsession with Johnson Solids, polychora, Euclidean and non-Euclidean geometry, and n-polytopes. They believe that dimensions are not alternate universes, but a geometrical concept; time is only a rate of change in the 3D world, as the fourth spatial dimension is perpendicular to the first three and is a new direction of space. They don't mind being called a 5D spacetime brawler though.
Rarity: Super Rare
Class: Damage Dealer
Movement Speed: 720 (Normal), Attack and Super Range: 6 tiles, Reload Speed: 1.1 seconds, Attack Width: 1 tile
Power Level 11 stats
Health: 5600 HP
Projectile Speed: 3600
Ammo Count: 3
Special Abilities: Representing position in 4D space using four numbers as a 4D coordinate vector (x, y, z, w). You have a scroller to rotate Polytope's camera which changes Polytope's orientation in 4D space. Polytope can look around in 4D. The speed of this rotation is 120 frames per second. The main hyperplanes are xy, xz, yz, xw, yw, and zw. There are directions they can move into (the x-axis is east/west, the y-axis is up/down, the z-axis is north/south, and the w-axis is ana/kata). Polytope can slide through the fourth dimension by pushing through walls or phase through some objects. The attack rotation can be represented by a 4D unit vector and 3D realmic rotation (quaternions) to keep the vector fixed. Walls disappear and reappear in some Q and E strafings of the 3D slice around him. To other brawlers, it will look like Polytope is passing through the obstacles and/or water or teleporting. Polytope has a strafing bar with Q on the left and E on the right. Polytope can attack while strafing/rotating. Both these strafes and rotations can help them move through slices of the landscape of the (now 4D) map. Looking around and rotating the camera in 4D are also there.
Attack: Platonic Solids. Polytope shoots the enemy with a platonic solid dealing 1521 damage (Super Charge Per Hit: 4%). (The projectiles can be a tetrahedron, cube, octahedron, dodecahedron, or icosahedron.)
Super: Polytope can rotate their slice of the 4D world or he can press either Q or E to strafe along the axis perpendicular to their hyperplane, which is moving side-to-side in the fourth spatial dimension (ana or kata).
Starpower #1: Pentonian. Polytope can rotate their hyperplane slice in 5D or 4D, being able to experience the fifth spatial dimension. Polytope can slide along walls/phase through objects in the fifth dimension too. The new directions to strafe in are sursum and deorsum (Polytope receives another bar called X and Z which controls these directions) and the compass now represents the position of Polytope as (x, y, z, w, v). 4D objects are flat in 5D. There are extra hyperplanes for the alidade: zv, yv, xyz, xyw, xzw, xyv, yzw, yzv, zwv, xyzw, xyzv, xzwv. and yzwv. Polytope can look around in 5D and rotate the camera in 5D. Polytope's double rotation gadget stays the same but with an extra axis for planar rotation.
Starpower #2: 4D Glasses + Volume View. Polytope's 4D Glasses makes wireframe outline projections/ghost projections of pickups appear and the ghost projections of 3D slices/enemies outside the view of Polytope are shown. Using colour, raytracing, and different shapes (e.g. hypercuboids/tesseractoids for powercubes and hexagonal duoprisms for gems), Polytope can find item drops, power cube boxes, allies, and enemies existing outside of their current 3D slice of the world. Polytope also gets volume view, showing the true topography of 4-dimensional space and making height (y-axis) the unshown dimension instead of trength (w-axis), as 3D things are flat in 4D. Slopes and drops are walls or empty spaces (Polytope can also see the exact angle of the slopes too). It is like a top-down view in four dimensions that can be toggled on or off. Polytope appears to be floating in this view. Polytope even has access to a volume line (a horizontal line through the center of the screen) as a place where the ghost of the objects can be aligned to. The volume view, ghost projection, and volume line can be toggled on or off.
Gadget #1: Alidade. Polytope spawns an alidade. It allows them to save a 3D slice of the world/strafe and return to it later (max: 3). The 90° hyperplanes it can choose are xw, xz, zw, yz, xy, and yw, as well as other random orientations like xzw.
Gadget #2: Double Rotation. Polytope performs a double rotation to return themselves back to the original 3D slice.
Hypercharge (Charge Rate: 2%): Look Sensitivity. The look sensitivity is doubled meaning Polytope can rotate/look in 4D or 5D faster.
Mythic Gear: Thurston Geometries. Polytope's 3D slice or perspective of the world is in either Euclidean geometry or in non-Euclidean variants. This makes the map exponentially more spacy (hyperbolic geometry H), drastically less spacy without horizon and the opposite side of the level is very easy to shoot with creating an infinite loop or a self-referential structure (spherical geometry S), a spiral (nil geometry Nil), with constant mean curvature as a non-isotropic geometry (solv geometry Sol), a combination of hyperbolic and Euclidean dimensions (H^2*E), a combination of spherical and Euclidean dimensions (S^2*E), geodesic curvature represented by a trefoil knot (universal cover of special linear group SL(2,R)), normal (Euclidean geometry E), or other effects using Panini projection.
Mutation: Polytope's reload speed increases by 20%.
Skins: Hypervoxel Polytope, Polytwister, Compound Polytope (120 5-cells or 5 24-cells), Fractal Polytope.
(Note: The lie groups, geometries, structures and more in the mythic gear come from these: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/260003836_Homogeneous_almost_complex_structures_in_dimension_6_with_semi-simple_isotropy, https://arxiv.org/html/2401.05977v1, chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://arxiv.org/pdf/1605.07545. The Thurston geometries passive ability is inspired from this site: https://3-dimensional.space/geometries/, racing game Marble Marcher, two Minecraft-like games called Hypermine and Hyperblock, curved space pool hall [https://apps.apple.com/us/app/curved-space-pool-hall/id6476159675], and two non-Euclidean games called Hyperbolica and Nil Rider. Polytope's hyperspace mechanics come from a Steam game called 4D Miner, a 4D survival sandbox videogame analogous to 3D Minecraft; a flight simulator game called Moena, a 4D first-person shooter game called Adanaxis, and another game called 4D Golf in marble mode. It was inspired by the book Flatland.)

Have had bad luck entering the job market in my field for the past 2 years and thinking of just moving to a new country for a chance of scenery using this program. How did your experience go with it?

I wanted to get feedback and suggestions for improvement on my retirement planning. I enjoy my job, but I would like the option to retire at age 65. I am 49M, and my wife (age 41) is a stay-at-home mom with no income. Overall, I feel like I’m on good track to retire at age 65, but I realize lots of things can change. I’m open for suggestions for changes. We try to find a good balance between saving and spending not going to extremes.
We have four children ages 20, 18, 10, and 8. We have about $900k in total savings, which includes $170k in our taxable brokerage account, $87k in I-bonds, $55k in 529, $133k in Roth IRA, and $460k in traditional tax deferred IRAs.
Income: My combined income is around $160k per year. Some benchmarks says to have 6 times income by age 50 so I'm close to that.
Housing: Our mortgage balance is $88k with a 2.1% rate and 8.5 years left with minimum payments. Our mortgage is our only debt. We do not plan to move. Our home is worth around $600k with $510k in home equity.
Retirement Contributions: I am currently contributing $45k per year in new money to retirement, or around 28% of my gross income. I am maxing out my 457b with catch up contributions ($30.5k). I receive $5k in annual employer contributions to my 403b. I also contribute $10k per year to my SEP IRA. The plan in future years is to max out my 457b with catch-up contributions and SEP IRA while funding Roth IRA for self/spouse by transferring funds from the brokerage account.
Asset Allocation/Investments: Our total asset allocation, including I-bonds, is 85% stocks, 10% bonds, and 5% cash which fits with our risk tolerance. Our stock allocation consists of VOO and VTI. We use I-bonds for the bulk of our bond allocation where we get the interest tax exclusion for tuition paid.
College Expenses for Children: Our plan is that we will help pay undergraduate tuition for our children to the state university located 2 miles from our home and our children can live at home. Our oldest son should graduate in 2 years with no debt with existing 529 accounts. Our 17-year-old son received a partial academic scholarship and his remaining tuition is covered with existing 529 accounts. We contributed $10k in 2024 to 529 plans for the 2 younger children to get the max state income tax credit and can probably continue contributing $10k per year if my income remans at $160k per year. We will have no mortgage when child #3 reaches college age.
Retirement Expenses: It’s hard to know our desired retirement expenses because we still have 4 children at home. We spend about $80k per year including our mortgage. Assuming no mortgage and children launched, I estimate retirement expenses at around $72k per year in current dollars including health insurance for my wife. If I retire at 65, my wife would use ACA for health insurance until she qualifies for Medicare. We could withdraw from Roth IRA to keep taxable income low to qualify for ACA subsidies.
Pension: I have a small pension from a previous employer of $3k/year at age 65 with 100% spousal survivorship benefit and no COLA (about $2k/year in future inflated dollars).
Health insurance: My employer offers a high deductible plan with HSA, but we prefer the traditional low deductible plan. We are in good health.
Social Security: My projected Social Security is $3,300/month in current dollars at age 67. My wife is SAHM and will claim based on my income. If we claim at ages 70 and 62 which is around the same time based on our age difference, we could have around $62k per year in current dollars in combined SS income which would cover our base living expenses.
With current retirement savings of $760k (excludes I-bonds, 529, emergency fund), our projected value in 15 years in current dollars with a 5% real return is $2.5 million, including $600k in Roth IRA. That would give us retirement income of around $100k per year in current dollars with a 4% withdraw rate.

Once again, expert predictions were defeated

So I wrote a list with my ideas, that I'll just copy here :)
I didn't mention it, but it's for potential future truly talented LTM for newer champions
I've been waiting for this >:3
For Imani: -Absolute zero - lower the fire rate and increase the damage of ice bolts. Applied slow lasts longer and stacks.
-Master of elements - Stance switch causes you to deal 15% more damage for 1 second
-Song of ice and fire (yes I went there) - pyre cannon and Ice bomb are treated as weapon shots - they apply anti-heal, wrecker, etc., but are countered by armor plating, a popular item in the current meta)
-Swift gauntlet - allies you to attack (use auto attacks and different abilities) while using frost fire glide
-Draconic might - Imani charges ult 15% faster and travels with ult (floats inside dragon's hitbox), dragon itself is slower and has more hp/has less HP but is faster (up to you to decide)
Tiberius: -En guarde - halves ultimate charge rate, but gains twice as many charges. Ultimate ability may be fired with only 25%
-Wild swordsman - sword has 2 charges. Upon landing, returns to your hand immediately, without locking you into animation
-Here's your hero - combat trance's effects are now shared (including cards) to allies in a short radius with half the effectiveness
Io: - Goddess of the Moon - reduces your gravity by 50% gradually increases your damage, healing output and speed while you're midair (50% after 10 seconds). Landing immediately removes the buff
-Luna, catch! - Luna becomes invincible but her damage is reduced by 90%. Lowers the cool down of stun by 3 seconds (this talent is kinda trash and unhealthy, don't listen to me XD)
-Piercing arrows - increases shot speed for every arrow hit by 8% up to 40%. Missing an arrow resets the buff. Hitting the 5th arrow in a combo instantly refreshes Luna's stun and resets the buff
Atlas -Alternative universe - setback banishes the target instead of sending it back for 1,5 second. Ultimate ability now rewinds the target back 8 seconds instead of banishing.
-Master of reality - doubles all cool downs. Gives every ability two charges
-Tick... tock... - Your handgun gains an ability to overcharge with more stages after fully charging. Each additional charge stage increases the damage by 100 of your next shot.
-Not... Done yet - activating second chance makes you ethereal and gives you an immense speed boost for the duration (duration is the same as base-kit second chance). HP restoration formula is same. So idea is, you gain a really short burst of speed, while still having the survivability from second chance itself
Octavia: -Follow your commander - activates all passives and doubles the effect of the one picked
-Take cover, soldier - doubles distortion's field radius. Gradually increases the movement of all teammates inside up to 40%, when the ability ends
-Vantage spot - gives 2 charges of leap. When you begin to levitate, enter stealth and charge your next shot, making it deal up to 50% additional damage
Full-auto - firing without a designated sight has a 50% chance not to consume ammo. Increases your speed by 20%
Yagorath -Wriggling maggot - you may move slowly during the stationary stance
-First formula of darkness (a joke on formula 1, yes I'm a genius) - acceleration becomes a resource based ability.
-True terror - entering hardening cleanses anti-healing after 1,5 seconds (the only point tank talent for her)
Nyx -Bow down, pet - refiring royal presense causes to to chain all enemies around in range of nyx.
-No mercy - performing a full combo slightly lifts enemies off the ground. Additionally, each successful hit increases your speed by 6%, resetting upon missing a shot
Lilith -Blood transfusion - after applying hex to an ally, gains an ability to hold the hex button while the ability is in cooldosn to transfer your blood health to that ally. If you hex an enemy, you gain an ability to transfer your HP, to temporarily reduce enemy's HP.
Corvus -I'll handle this one - corvus can mark an enemy, causing him to take an additional 30% more damage from you.
-Until my last breath - Increases the time your projection can be deployed by 6 seconds, but additionally increases the cool down by 2 seconds. Increases hps and damage you deal based on your missing HP, up to 40%. Decreases your healing and damage by 10% while at or above 95% of hp

Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble but please bear with me. My partner and I have been together 6 months, and for most of that time things have been going brilliantly, he's been kind, affectionate, emotionally available and comforting whenever I need him.
However, last month he started a second job (not for the money he just enjoys the work) which means at the moment he's working 6 days a week, so we have less time together than we used to. Usually, I'd spend the night over at his place on the weekend and we'd see each other for an evening in the week, but in the last couple of weeks we've only had chance to see each other for a few hours at a time, and those dates have either involved going out for drinks or just hanging out at his place. I also feel like I'm increasingly the one asking if he's available to spend time together rather than him ever asking me.
Recently, he picked up some extra shifts at his 2nd job which has meant he's working 12 days in a row (today was his last day of that) I get that he's tired because of that, but it means I've had very little chance to spend any actual quality time with him, and any time we have spent together has been because I initiated it. Even when we do spend time together, he seems less affectionate towards me, usually he's very cuddly and again I feel I'm initiating that more too. This weekend, I didn't bother asking if he was free because he was working until 7:30pm tonight and I really didn't want to be the one having to initiate again. Well, he hasn't said anything about spending time together he didn't even realize that today was 6 months together until I brought it up this evening. He's currently at a bar where he's been since he finished work. He'll be off tomorrow and even if he does ask me round it won't be until the evening because he'll probably be sleeping all day, and then he's back to work again on Monday. I'm beginning to feel angry and frustrated, but I don't know if I'm overreacting or if I'm right to feel this way. This is my first proper relationship so I have no benchmark for this kind of stuff. All I know is I'm feeling a little taken for granted. What do you guys think? And how should I approach the topic without being confrontational?
TL;DR: My partner has been spending less time with me since he started a new job and I'm starting to feel neglected. How should I approach talking to him about it?

For some background, my biological father didn't raise me. He spent most of his life with his other families or in prison for drug abuse. He defaulted on child support payments, despite making good money, and my younger brother and I lived in abject poverty as a result. My brother left home at 17. I've barely seen him since. I've been VLC with my brother for almost 20 years and VLC/NC with my biological father for the last 5 years.
My biological father got out of prison in the early 2000s and tried establishing a relationship after my mother forced him to help take care of my younger brother. It's mostly okay. Bio father's third wife didn't like having a kid in her house, but they managed.
My biological father starts abusing drugs again. Gets sent to prison for 15-20 years this time. Out of nowhere, I got a phone call from a prison social worker asking if my biological father would be allowed to live in my home after release. My partner discussed it and agreed he could stay for a few months. It's a nightmare. My partner can't stand him. He won't abide by any rules in my home. We help him find an apartment and things are okay for a year or two. I do my best to try to get to know my biological father as an adult. He makes it clear he expects me to think of him like the father who raised me instead of the father who abandoned me.
A couple of years later, my bio father ended up getting kicked out of his apartment because he let my younger brother stay with him and he stole tools from the landlord's tool sheds, broke a door down, and did other things that made him unwelcome. Bio father insists he has to come live with me. At this point, I'm newly married to someone. We've barely been together for six months as a married couple. She's the one who convinces me to take him in again.
I spent over a decade taking care of my chronically and, later, terminally ill mother. I worked 3 jobs and Paid for a private room in a quality ALF; I did whatever I could to help her. I made it clear to my biological father that I didn't have it in me emotionally or financially to do the same thing for him. He could stay for six months to a year at most. He'd need to get rid of his credit card debt and make serious efforts to find a new apartment, even get a part-time job at Walmart or Publix if he had to.
My biological father made himself an absolute nightmare. He refused to pay off his debt. He refused to find a part-time job. He refused to look for a place to live. He said it was pointless because he was a felon and nobody would rent to him. He complained that we didn't include him every time we went out to dinner. He made belittling comments to my wife.
Somehow, despite all this, my wife got pregnant. We were scared but ecstatic. We told my biological father that he was going to have to leave before the baby was born so that we could have a nursery. My brother and his wife were having financial trouble (ran out of personal injury scam settlement money), so my bio father decided it was the perfect time to go live with them. They needed his help anyway.
My wife and I end up divorcing after a miscarriage and the fallout from my biological father coming to live with us so early in our marriage.
My brother and his wife fell on hard times. I'd help them a little here and there with groceries or paying the power bill or rent. Eventually, the requests for money get bigger and bigger: deposits for new apartments, deposits to turn utilities on due to poor credit, and car payments. My brother guilts me into it saying that since he's taking care of "the man who raised me" I should help.
I feel incredibly guilty for the success I've had in life. I have a good job and a house. I keep giving him money. My brother has me convinced that it's my fault his life is so bad, because I was "the golden child" and I took all of the resources that he should've had.
I've given them tens of thousands of dollars. I don't even want to say how much. We're talking about the cash price of a luxury car territory. It's never enough. "I know you have some more money. Give us some more money. We don't have anything."
I got them an apartment. They got kicked out. I helped them get another apartment. I emptied my bank account to do it and lived off credit cards for months. They can't afford to get the power turned on. I have no more money to help them. I get text messages saying the sheriff in their county wants to talk to me about why I won't pay their power deposit.
That's probably not true. My father has died three times in the last two years when they needed extra money. My brother's estranged children have come out of the woodwork suddenly wanting a relationship, and he needs money to go see them.
They've insisted that I'm obligated to let them come live in my house, simply because I have one and they're biologically related to me.
My Rabbi, my therapist, and the attorney I retained to deal with various legal threats they've made have all assured me that I don't have any moral or legal obligations to continue helping them to this degree. My biological father didn't raise me. My brother hasn't been kind to me throughout my life.
But, I feel so incredibly guilty.

Umm… it’s a long story I guess. TL/DR at the bottom.
Sometimes I really want to divorce. But I also really don’t. I do love my husband a lot and we have had such incredible times together and built a really amazing life. I don’t want to leave it all behind, to start over with someone new, blow up my life and start with literally nothing, but man am I hurting right now. I feel so lonely in my marriage that sometimes I feel like it would just be easier to actually be alone. I don’t like how I’m being treated and I don’t like that I’m asking for bare minimum and not even getting that. Sometimes I feel like I am growing up and outgrowing him/our dynamic and things feel stagnated (I want kids, he wants to drink and party).
My husband (30M) and I (29F) have hit a rough patch, except I’m not even sure if it’s just a rough patch anymore or if we are truly falling apart. Together for nearly 6 years, married for 3. It makes me sick to think about because I feel as if my husband is a totally different person now. I’m so confused because our relationship has never ever felt this wrong or hurtful, I used to believe our love was so healthy and nurturing; my husband used to communicate and be open and loving and now he’s just passive aggressive (he’ll even admit it), hot/cold and mean to me.
He has said some very hurtful things but will never take accountability or apologize for what he has said to me, he often times will spin things around and blame me for all the ways I’m hurting him and never acknowledge what I have come to him with; like I will raise a concern and somehow by the end of it, I’m left apologizing while my feelings were never acknowledged. Or he just goes “ok!?” Like ok so what??? A lot of DARVO and defensiveness, he will twist my words and insist I said something when I know I didn’t. If I call him out, I just get a “sorry I misspoke” from him. If I tell him he hurt my feelings, he says it’s a me problem. That he has no problems. That I should just be happy and move on. In his mind, we wake up the next day and be happy and all is well because we choose to be better (ok sure, fine) but with no apology or repair attempts, I have a hard time “just moving on”. It’s hard to forgive a person that can’t even admit they hurt you or show remorse for how they have done so. I have gone to bed sobbing next to him and it’s never brought up or talked about the next day and he wonders why I’m growing distant. He has zero compassion and empathy for my feelings and I feel really alone in that.
Last year, we were long distance for the whole year (military). Our fights started in September when I went to visit and I felt he was disrespecting me, mocking me, not taking me seriously, disregarding my suggestions in front of our friends. One night, he started picking fights with me at a bar and insisted we go home “because I wasn’t having fun”. I never expressed that, though the bar scene is not my thing, I still went with him and our friends and was enjoying our time. I told him to go have fun, dance, hang out and I’ll enjoy my drink. He kept saying I wasn’t having fun and we needed to leave and I kept insisting I was totally happy to just be there (that was the truth). A lot of times he will project his own interpretations of my feelings onto me and assume he knows what I’m thinking/feeling without asking. We left that night without our friends and grabbed dinner on the way back to the hotel, except he completely ignored me and stonewalled me the entire time. I tried to make conversation but took the hint, let him know I don’t feel welcome in this interaction since he wasn’t engaging in return, and that I was going back to the hotel alone since he clearly didn’t want me there. His defensiveness is usually cold and silent, he has admitted that he “stonewalls me because he’s done talking with me”. He refuses to talk a lot of the time or will say there’s nothing he wants to talk about.
After I had come back home, our fights continued. I asked him a handful of times to please send me the pics we took on our vacations and it took him over a month of me reminding him to please just do it. Finally he became angry and BLEW UP on me and sent them, only half, and I reminded him that there’s more and he spit back at me “THAT’S ALL I HAVE, WE’RE NEVER TAKING PICTURES ON MY PHONE AGAIN” when I knew there were more. What a stupid, petty thing to get mad at me over?
Another time, he completely disappeared on me for 3 whole days and I hardly heard a word from him. I knew exactly where he was (drunk in his dorm playing video games, on a complete bender with his friends online, only taking breaks to go to work drunk/hungover and come back to drinking again). I attempted to reach out, say hi, stay connected, because I feel that’s important long distance? To make an effort to communicate? Because we have a responsibility to each other? I don’t feel like I’m asking for much here, but he was just gone for 3 days. When I finally heard from him and let him know how hurt I was because I felt like he didn’t have time for me (I have often felt second to his online friends, I spent a year and a half going to bed alone and existing without him because he would stay up drinking with them), all he said was “sorry sometimes I just fuck off into my own world”. Like dude you have a wife that you need to be involved with too? I have a really big problem with his drinking and his online life as it’s taken a higher priority over me a lot of times. For a long time, all I saw him do was go to work, come home, drink and game.
Between September to now, things have only spiraled and gotten so much worse. In January, we moved abroad. I knew it would be a hard adjustment for me as I’ve never left home, am incredibly close to my family and overall just a big change, plus I had all my luggage and our two pets to drag through airports and onto flights with. I needed help. I wanted to do it together, as husband and wife, I wanted his support and for us to be doing this new thing in life together… except I had to BEG him to come pick me up. I knew I would need him as my heart was aching over leaving home. There was so much resistance from him though, he said I’d be fine and to just meet him at our next duty station. That it’s such a big waste of time and money to come get me from Asia (he gets a free flight home though??), just to fly back to Asia. Then he started talking about going home to his home state before our move, to see friends and family, and I asked, ok so if you’re in the states already, why not just come up to me and pick me up and we go to Japan together (also, he has time and money to go them but not for me?)? At this point he came unglued and hysterical, insisting again how it’s a waste of time and money and who is going to pay for him to go home? Me? (I’m like, wtf why would I pay for you to go party but you can’t make time to pick me up for a big transition???) he let me know how much I frustrate him and honestly the whole fight just turned into something so bizarre and vague, I wondered what we even were fighting about anymore (as often is the case). I was sobbing and so hurt that he clearly wasn’t choosing me when I needed him, and we fell silent on the phone while I just cried and cried. All he could say was “yeah I know you’re pissed at me”.
Since moving, our sex life has completely declined (my fault). I’ve been depressed, stressed, tired and honestly so hurt by him that I don’t want to have sex with him, especially when he won’t even acknowledge that he has hurt me or apologize. That’s not someone I want to be intimate with. So I have rejected him a couple times, letting him know I’m feeling really insecure about us. I have tried SO HARD to not reject him because I know how hurtful it is, and sometimes in the past, I was just tired. Not in the mood. It doesn’t happen frequently at all (maybe 3 times in our time together), and the times I have said no, he literally will throw himself over in a tantrum like manner and it’s so gross and childish to me. Now, since things have gotten worse, he just goes cold. He told me that if it weren’t for us being married, my couple of times saying no recently would’ve been enough for him to be done with me. And that hurts, because not once has he even attempted to ask what’s wrong, why am I feeling this way, what can we do differently, how is my heart? He can throw everything away over that without even talking to me first? I told him I’m straight up depressed/homesick and having a hard time since moving, not to mention our lack of connection, and he never expressed concern, only his hurt feelings for how rejected and ugly he feels because I won’t have sex with him. He makes weird, off handed snarky comments about how he sometimes “considers going to the gym and getting in shape just to attract some attention and that he never would do that, but he’s thought about it”. The weird comments have happened here and there over a few subjects, leaving me dead in my tracks thinking “what the fuck was that? Where did that comment even come from?”
I have begged him to meet me half way outside of the bedroom, because I don’t feel emotionally connected anymore and that we really need help, and he’s still so dumbfounded that I won’t have sex even though I’ve clearly laid out the ways in which I’m hurting and feeling like we are falling apart. I can’t even remember the last time he told me he loved me first, that he appreciates me, is proud of me, feels lucky to have me, but he used to say those things.
At one point, I wrote him a very long, heartfelt letter stating exactly what was hurting me and why I was feeling the way I am. He read it and didn’t speak to me or even look at me for a week. LITERALLY. When he finally responded (opposite shifts and never any time to talk, a lot of our conversations have been letters or texts lately, because there’s no time/we never see each other and our in person fights derail anyways), he told me he “read my note and felt nothing and that he didn’t care, but knows that he should care so he’ll consider how he should feel.”
I have asked for counseling, to which he insisted he was never going to do again because it’s just a crying/shit-on-the-husband-fest (he is divorced once, I assume he went with his ex), he told me there’s nothing wrong with him, he doesn’t need someone telling him how to live his life, he’s happy with who he is and will not go to counseling. I told him it’s not an option anymore and so we went once (didn’t go well) and he reminded me more than once how stupid it was. I told him I want a husband that has a growth mindset and someone who is wanting to work on things with me, who takes me seriously when I say we need help, someone who is open to talking and communicating. He took offense that I don’t think he’s growth minded because of his spiritual journey and personal growth but I asked him, how are you showing up as a husband? He tells me “we don’t need to be checking in and talking about things”.
He says I’m trying to change him and want him to be different (because I’ve asked him for help around the house but he doesn’t see the mess the same so it doesn’t matter to him? But to me it does because it’s his mess too and we exist together, therefore we both need to be making an effort? I have taken on 90% of the household chores for a while now and let him know I need help and suddenly he’s saying I’m trying to change him and asking him to “put on his husband mask”, what does that even mean?????) I’ve asked him to attempt to speak my love language more (touch and words), as there’s hardly any intimacy between us (no hand holding, cuddling, hardly any affection outside the bedroom) and that’s asking him to be someone he is not?? Because he’s not touchy feely? He will slap my ass or grope my boobs (huge pet peeve and I’ve expressed that) and when I ask him for a hug instead, there’s push back? He gets mad and guilts me when I won’t drink with him (I don’t need or want to drink every night at home, sorry). One time he was poking and pinching at my sides and I asked him not to as it was making me uncomfortable (struggling with binge eating at the moment) and he got irritated and defensive because “he’s just playing and why can’t I have fun”.
Through all of this, I feel like I am the one saying I want to work on things, I love him and our life and let’s do better, let’s fix things, let’s grow together, I’m the one still making an effort to bridge the gap even though we are hurting, and all I’m hearing from him are all the ways he doesn’t like me: he thinks I’m boring (because I won’t drink with him), that I can’t do anything for him that he doesn’t do for himself (yes he literally said this, what do I even offer him?), that he fell in love with me for my independence and what am I doing now? (I uprooted my entire life and moved to another country to support him, I got a job within 2 weeks of being here and have since secured a government position, I’ve bought and paid off a car in 3 months, I go out and travel in a country where I can’t even speak the language, made friends, and he says I’m not independent?? WTF), that he doesn’t need me or this relationship and only fears I’m wasting his time. He can’t think of a single thing he appreciates about me (his words) when I feel I have given up everything and bend over backwards for him to care for him and our relationship. I really feel he doesn’t like me or respect me, but he’ll say he wants me around. He insists I don’t love him or like him, but I feel that is his own projection onto me. We are long distance again and I have expressed multiple times that it’s important to me to stay engaged and check in at least once daily, to say hi, and I’ve been doing that despite being incredibly busy myself, but he ghosts me constantly and is hardly reciprocating effort. I have hardly heard from him in a month, despite my efforts (I’m starting to feel like a damn fool by continuously reaching out, if I don’t text, we don’t talk, I’m tired of the games and have since pulled back but that feels so shitty to even have to do???). I want someone that WANTS to say hi to me and see how I’m doing???
I don’t feel I have a friend in him, as he never asks about me, my life, my inner world, what’s going on with me, does not express interest in my new jobs, new friends etc, when I am constantly interacting with his world and engaging with him. I have expressed to him I feel like I am his friend but he is not mine because he doesn’t express an interest. We do a lot of what he wants and not a lot of what I want.
I told him I want to go home for my 30th birthday in July (it’s a big deal to me!) and I asked him to meet up with me in my state (he will already be in the states for a work trip). He told me he doesn’t want to come hang out with me on my birthday and was instead thinking of going to a big get together with his online friends in a different state to party and drink with them. That really hurt me. Do I not matter to him at all???
I have a big problem with his drinking (he has driven drunk at least 3 times that I know of, 2 of which I was in the car with him, once my family was also involved), I have expressed my concerns about his drinking and he says “I don’t think it’s a problem”. I told him I don’t want our future kids thinking it’s ok to wake up and pop open a beer for breakfast every day and he dismissed it.
We are not agreeing or seeing eye to eye on our next 5-10 years together: we want kids, but I want to be in the states closer to home so we can have our families be involved with our kids too, meanwhile he wants to live abroad as long as possible and retire out of the military overseas. He wants nothing to do with his family and doesn’t care to be close to them. I knew this, and thought I would be ok with it, but I’ve since realized that it’s actually really important to me to have our families involved and not be on the other side of the world at the moment. We can’t find a way to meet in the middle on this, but I don’t want to be this far away for too long (current trajectory is 3-7 years). He says he isn’t sure if he can compromise because he’s always done for others and not himself. Meanwhile, I feel like: maybe you should’ve thought about that before getting married? Aren’t your spouse’s feelings enough to move you in a direction that would be fulfilling for both of us, not just yourself? I agreed to 4 years overseas when I really didn’t want to, and now that I’m asking that we go home after, now it’s an issue?
We went to a marriage retreat that only further revealed what I have been hurting and expressing concern about: that I don’t feel connected and that we need to be digging deeper and investing more into our relationship. I cried so hard when we returned from that retreat and all he could tell me was how frustrated he was that he took us there only for me to come home and cry about it.
He is ok with pushing my boundaries and disregarding my feelings: example of this a couple months ago, I let him know multiple times and many hours in advance we had dinner reservations (we need to leave by 7). He gets ready around 630. I tell him, ok time to go. He says, just 5 more minutes (on his pc gaming and drinking). I say, ok it’s been 5 minutes, let’s go. He says, wait just another minute. 20 minutes pass and I’m now visibly irritated and telling him, I’m leaving, now we’re going to be late. He gets pissy and storms behind me, I let him know that it’s really important to me to be on time for things and I felt really disrespected by him making us late. He told me with attitude that “it’s fine” and it’s “not a big deal because we’ll still be there and we’ll get there when we get there”.
In the store, I will ask for his input on groceries and he will mutter under his breath to leave him alone, only to admit later that he did that and it was disrespectful: but just as an admittance and matter of fact, nothing more, like he’s ok with disrespecting me and declaring it??
Honestly there’s still so much to this, but it’s getting long - bottom line, I just really feel he doesn’t respect me or like me. I don’t feel like he loves me as a husband should or how I envision a marriage to be. I feel a lot of disinterest and complacency. I wonder if he could ever even properly be there for me in the ways I would want my husband to be (what happens when my dog or parents die, is he just going to dismiss my feelings then too and tell me to get over it? He is very emotionally avoidant, numb and dismissive). I don’t feel loved, supported, heard or understood, I feel so incredibly lonely in our marriage. I feel I am reaching a breaking point and it hurts deeply. He was NEVER like this, our relationship used to be so good and I have no idea what happened or why things changed but I am deeply unhappy now and don’t see a way forward with an unwilling partner who will not participate or sees nothing wrong. I deserve better and I want a husband and partner in life that is just as invested and just as loving and interested in me and willing to grow, as I am to him. I’m a damn good wife and I know that, I know what I have to offer, and I want someone that sees that and appreciates that. I feel my husband is very childish and immature and emotionally unavailable, I have wondered but whether or not he is manipulative doesn’t really matter and I don’t think labels are helpful, at this point all I know is I’m hurting and this isn’t working for me.
Of course this is only my side of the story, and no I have not been perfect. I have found myself in a dark, contemptuous state of mind towards him and tried my best to turn that around and reflect and do things differently. I am reading books, listening to podcasts, going to counseling, trying to model to him real apologies (sincerely too). He will say that I criticize him (I do have a harsh start up at times but have since tried to communicate softer and take more responsibility for my feelings and not find fault in his actions), that I want him to be someone he is not (he says I want him to put on a husband mask??), that he feels ugly and rejected because I won’t have sex with him, that I’m hurting him (but I’m honestly confused as to how because he can’t give specifics when I ask how or what I can do differently).
Sometimes I just feel so done with this and like it’s not worth it. I gave up everything to be in another country with him, I gave up friends, family, a career that I wanted to pursue, EVERYTHING, and this does not feel worth the pain I am feeling being so far away from the things that bring me joy outside of him. I feel deeply unfulfilled day to day.
We used to be so happy. He was so sweet and nurturing and cared for me, took interest in me, prioritized me. We had a wonderful life and home together, supported each other’s dreams and desires, used to communicate openly without defense or combative behavior. This is so left field for him/us that it’s left me deeply confused and feeling so much ambivalence. I used to feel #1 to him and now I just feel like his roommate.
Jesus this is long, if you read it and have any advice, thank you. I feel so alone in these feelings and don’t want to dump on my family and friends more than I have already. I am in individual counseling and that helps but I just needed to get it out of me and into the void.
TL/DR: basically I feel like I started challenging some bad behaviors and speaking up when my feelings were hurt (previously I guess I was the “cool girl” and chill and wouldn’t speak up and now I have resentment), and our relationship has become toxic. I am constantly torn between should I stay or should I go? I really don’t have much optimism anymore as my husband will spin things around and blame me, and I’m really not trying to act like a victim here, but he doesn’t take accountability or step up into being a leading man or husband and I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting, feeling sad, being long distance from my family and life in what feels like a failing marriage and not feeling like I’m being met half way on repairing/moving forward in a healthy manner.

Hello there. I just move permanently to do my Tax internship in the East coast during Summer so I am pretty sure I will receive a job offer after the internship ends… my question is, do you believe the offer will be to start right away or for January 2025? I am kind of scared because I am new in the city so I don’t want to get another job just for couple of months. Thanks for any comment and feedback