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Another post about my former friend. You know, the fact she treated me like shit is one thing. But another thing is that i got to see how she lives. You know what they say, right? Get some women friends. Yeah, this was a massive eye opener

• She had 6 ex boyfriends. And it's not like they were all awful. She just got bored with them. She also once bragged about having anal sex during a hookup. When we were hanging out, she talked about how she downloaded tinder after 4 months of being single. And it took her less than a day to get a date with this "fucking awesome man"
  
• She later said that she tried punching that guy in the face for no real reason other than her having a bad mood. Of course he got angry and left which she treated as a giant joke. "His loss, plenty fish in the sea". And yeah, she really treated guys as replacable cogs. And you know, she owes them nothing but they gotta put in the effort
  
• Yeah, zero respect for men. She got to complain about them all day. Nobody judged her for it. Men are this, men are that. Oh you know how men are. (Of course i was one of "the good guys"). Hell, she said that after every break up, she and her friend just tell each other how awesome they are and that the guy was an asshole and didn't deserve them. In the meantime she flipped out on me when i complained that women on tinder put nothing in their bios. This was the only negative thing i said about women, mind you. And it's not like i did it randomly. I said it after she told me to write my openers about women's bios and show them i am genuenly interested
  
• I once joined up and helped organise a birthday party she did for one of her gal pals. Just the fact that they organised it themselves. This was supposed to be a suprise. Everyone was buying some personalised gifts. Same when she was having a birthday of her own. Everyone was putting in so much effort. Meanwhile, on my birthdays i invite 20 people who give me an unenthisiastic "i'll see and let you know". Then they don't let me know and i have to ask them again. Then most people say they have something else to do and only 3 people show up at best. And i sure as hell don't get gifts.
  
• She didn't have a job. She spent all her time volounteering. Her parents paid for her. This absolutely didn't stop her from venting about how awful and hard the life of a woman is and that i have it fucking easy. Oh, and despite the life of a woman consisting of always looking for the signs of danger, she would get absolutely wasted at parties and go sleep over with dudes she just met
  

Edit: Thank you all so much for your in-depth answers!
I bought Witcher 3 for my Switch before I had a memory card that could actually download the file size, and I've been playing Skyrim instead. I recently bought a bigger memory card and Witcher is downloading while I'm writing this, but I'm not sure whether to change over right now from Skyrim to Witcher. I'm really enjoying Skyrim, imperfections and all, but I've heard that people LOVE Witcher.
Is Witcher just better in every way, or are they kind of like apples & oranges? I read somewhere that in Witcher you can't do things like be a stealthy archer, and you can't play as different races or genders/sexes, but are those the only areas where Witcher doesn't match/outclass Skyrim? At a glance they both look like huge open world rpgs in a fantasy setting, but I don't know if that's maybe where the similarities end.
Also, I'm playing on a Switch, so would that change the experience? Is Witcher buggy on Switch, or does it play as smoothly as on any other system?
I'd like to get around to playing Witcher, but is this a situation where I'm just wasting time playing Skyrim when I could be playing Witcher instead?

Let me give you some context. In 2018 I joined twitter and I discovered my husbands “likes” and women he was following. I also saw all his comments on their posts (sexually commenting on their bodies.) Seeing his thoughts in black and white on other naked women broke something in me and I instantly felt betrayed, cheated on and not loved at all. My self confidence went in the toilet after that. I felt like he was living out fantasies and a double life. I always knew he looked at porn, but the comments and the fact that you can dm twitter users makes the women so much more “real” than just a porn actress who does it for a living. After this I became hyper sexualized, wearing slutty outfits, wanting sex more, because I just felt like I wasn’t pretty enough, sexy enough, etc. We talked about his twitter use and I asked him to please not follow or comment on any women that post sexually explicit photos and videos because it felt like he was rubbing it in my face. I kind of bottled up my feelings for the sake of our marriage and because I love him but I never got over it and I don’t fully trust him, but I put it out of my mind. We spent the majority of 2023 losing weight. He lost 100 lbs and I love 45. I was never really that overweight but now I’m in the best shape since I was 20 and I look really great and so does he. We have sex 5-6 times a week and both feel better about it because we are so much thinner. However I’m still majorly insecure and have terrible self esteem. He is still looking at naked people on twitter. He says he does it because it feels more real to him than watching porn hub. They are real people and not scripted. This doesn’t make me feel better at all, in fact that statement made me feel so much worse. Does real mean more attainable to him? I don’t know. The people he looks at look nothing like me at all. I’m blue eyes, strawberry blonde hair, and fair skin. I’m thin but have curves. They are usually brunettes or women with pink or other colored hair. He also went as far as downloading telegram because it was on some bimbos linktree. To me I felt like it was more than just looking at photos. You liked someone and it prompted you to download a messaging app to see more. He didn’t message anyone, but the fact that he downloaded it hurt my feelings, what was his intention. Was he going to start messaging this woman? I’m so confused because he tells me all the time how much he loves me, how beautiful I am and how fucking hot I am (his words) and he is also very supportive and caring. But even with my supposed hotness and us having lots of sex he is still on Twitter looking at naked women daily. Like WTF!! I know this because I checked his phone the other day (I know it was wrong and I shouldn’t do it, but I did it anyway.) I literally do not know what to think or how to feel. He doesn’t know I know and when I made a general comment about him still looking at porn, he lied right to my face with not even a pause or care in the world. So my question, do I trust what he tells me in person and how he treats me when we are together (which is great) and let him have his dirty secret about looking at naked women daily or should I be right not to trust him at all. Is he actually not happy with me and our marriage but we’ve been married 20 years so he pretends he is happy and loving but would prefer one of these twitter women? I know men think porn is normal and fine but it destroys their significant other and ruins marriages often. Advice??

26f Listen I’m no expert or saint. I believe I’m a good person who has a lot of work to do. I’m currently going through a metamorphosis- accepting and forgiving my past self and being serious about working on myself so I don’t repeat my mistakes. This is how I’m doing it:
I downloaded this app called Finch. It’s an interactive self care app that is mostly free (there’s a version you can pay for but the free version is pretty good). I highly recommend it, even if you’re just struggling to get out of bed.
Research your attachment style. I bought two books on anxious attachment because that’s what I have and even though I already knew I had that, it really opened my eyes and made my behaviours more clear to me. If you are curious about these books please ask.
Literally just taking it one day at a time, getting out of bed, going to work, staying busy, being around good people and friends, having small goals I can achieve each day.
Journaling- sounds simple but I’ve always avoided it. All my counselors were right it does help lol. One thing that was hard for me to do was write down the situations or instances that would trigger me splitting. It’s hard to acknowledge your wrong doings and take accountability. It’s scary to admit you weren’t a good person at times. But writing out your wrong doings helps. Yes, some instances I felt valid in being angry because of how someone else mistreated me - but even then writing it down helps me understand what’s really in my control and what’s not in my control. Affirming to myself that I CAN CHANGE. I can do better. I CAN BE IN CONTROL OF MY EMOTIONS!
Completing reflection exercises such as what I’m grateful for.
Taking my vitamins.
Respecting my boundaries. Not being too available to the opposite sex.
Taking time to myself. Being out in nature. Not expecting anyone to save me. Not jumping into a new intense relationship (sounds easy). This also includes accepting that certain dynamics and situations don’t bring out the best in me and to avoid those people or circumstances - for example, it took me 3 long distant relationships to learn that long distant relationships don’t bring out the best in me. At least not right now when I need to heal.
No casual sex!!!
Making new friends. I use bumble bff. And I accept any new friends from this sub even if u need someone to talk or vent to.
LISTENING AND ACCEPTING the boundaries other people have.
Again I’m no saint. I’m a work in progress. I hope this helps some people. I would love to hear about what works for you!
With peace and love 💗

I saw GTA 5 on sale and picked it up, my little brother noticed i was downloading gta 5 and said he wanted to watch me play. I don't want to watch sex scenes with my little brother.
I know there's like murder, robbing and a lot more than sex scene but he's been exposed to that from other games and he's fine... I think.
So is there a way? I'll stop the download for now until I find a way.

I, 21F, was diagnosed with a rare form of blood cancer last year. I feel as though I’m on borrowed time, as I’ve only been given a 12% chance of living until this time next year so, just in case, I am trying to do a lot of things I haven’t done before now that I am on maintenance treatment. I’ve tried so many new things and gone to so many events and places that I never have before, and I feel proud that I’ve got through my chemo and done all these things. However, one thing I have never done is have a romantic relationship. This is less of a ‘goal’ of mine like the other things were, as it’s not something I really want to be seeking out and coming across as desperate, more just something I want to experience as I’ve never had a boyfriend in all my 21 years, and even with my illness aside, I still question why that is. Literally ALL of my friends are either in relationships or dating successfully - there is not a single friend of mine who isn’t doing these things. When I finished chemo and started feeling like myself again, I downloaded dating apps to try and get myself out there more in that way. I didn’t put about that I’d had cancer on my profile, but I also didn’t lie if something related to it came up in conversation. I don’t bring it up unless necessary basically. But when I do I am met with one of 2 reactions: 1) they instantly unmatch/ghost me; or 2) they tell me it’s fine and that they don’t mind until I give them my Instagram (where I have posted pictures of me ill and bald), and THEN they ghost me. This is despite me assuring them I’m healthy now, and that all of the pictures on my dating profiles are recent, albeit I am wearing my wigs (which they wouldn’t have even known they were wigs until I either told them or they put 2+2 together when they saw me this time last year when I was bald). I know cancer is a heavy topic and I know as a society we don’t like talking about cancer. I’m just so incredibly frustrated and hurt that I am constantly being ghosted over something I can’t help. I know how strong I am physically and mentally and I have proved it this last year, but opening up to people just to have it thrown back in my face is starting to really ware me down. I just feel like no man is ever going to see me past my illness, so I don’t even know why I keep bothering and trying. I just want to experience romantic love as, before I got ill, I have only ever been used for my body/sex, and I don’t want that for myself anymore after all I’ve been through. Sorry this was so long and ranty, I don’t even know if anyone will reply to this I just had to get it off my chest.

I apologise if this is really random and maybe not even relevant enough of this sub but I really need an outsider perspective on this:
I (M17) have a small friendgroup with two of these friends being L(17F) and D(18M) being part of it. L and I could have been considered best friends since about one and a half years but lately that has changed.
L and I basically knew everything about eachother (or atleast I thought so) so when she told me about her girlfriend that she had been with since September last year I obviously believed her. She could provide pictures and everything, around the same time D also got into a supposed relationship, he couldn’t provide anything but I didn’t really care since we weren’t that close and why would someone lie about that if you’re old enough to download a dating.
D is very anti social and only hangs around us (the group) when L is also present and lately L has only been showing up to meet ups to smoke and cuddle with D, maybe initiating three conversations in the evening max and keeps scurrying off to isolated spaces with D. Which is just kinda sad cus L used to be an integral part of our meet ups and now she only voluntarily interacts with us to smoke.
On sunday (the day before the classtrip we’re currently on) L came clean about her and D being a couple to me and another friend in the group. While her „gf“ was a friend who was happy to cover for her, D‘s „gf“ was completely made up.
We did tell her then that we’re happy for them but really don’t appreciate being lied to for 8 months and how she could do it so easily.
After that her and her bf lost all shame infront of us and while I get kissing infront of people and public displays of affection are something couples really enjoy and feel a need to do it grosses some of our friendgroup out (including me) mainly because its a serious sexual interaction and not just joking like everything else we do.
L has been hella dry the past few days ESPECIALLY when D is around, he’s all she wants to talk about. (which Id get in the honeymoon phase and I get that you now get to talk about him but why hang out if you just keep repeating the same stuff we already know about him??)
Today we were hanging out in the girls hotel room, L was showering and D came in, knocked on the bathroom door, she let him in (atleast partially unclothed if not nude) and they spent 5 mins in there with one friend mentioning it being uncomfortable to her.
Later we were all sitting in relative quiet when I (in a somewhat joking tone) told D and L that cuddling under a blanket together was kinda gross. L told me that she gets that I want sex so bad and some other stuff I hones don’t remember.
(Which btw is because I have a long distance boyfriend and have admitted that I am jealous about them being able to cuddle eachother)
I raised my voice because she also did and wouldn’t let me talk and just kind of unloaded on her that it was uncomfortable because we now knew that their interactions were infact sexual. (This is the part where I may be the asshole)
She then went quiet and said that that is why they kept it a secret, I replied that they didn’t keep it a secret, they lied.
After that I knew the mood was ruined and I felt like everyone was mad (at me) and skidaddled back to my room and I also ruined the night for everyone else aswell.
Another thing that is probably not relevant but I do wish to vent here is that me and L used to hold hands casually and grab eachothers butts (Iam 100% gay and hold hands with basically everyone who lets me) since September she doesn’t like me touching her at all and has told me not to touch her ass while smacking and grabbing mine all the same (Ive since stopped touching other people anywhere but their arms to not make them uncomfortable) the fact she doesn’t want that type of interaction anymore exactly since she got in a relationship with D makes me feel like she always thought of these interactions as sexual which seriously makes me uncomfortable since I see it as platonic banter.
Am I the asshole and if yes (or no) how do I salvage the friendship me and L if it even is. Do I jus give her space or do I like do not?? Idk what to do really, I might have to leave the friendgroup because of my behaviour but idk. Someone tell me what to do, and if Im the asshole here PLEASE
Edit: Iam NOT jealous of their sexual interactions just the fact they can spend time with eachother all day everyday

My previous post covers some relationship history and issues we've been having
(edit: post link https://www.reddit.com/SupportforBetrayed/comments/1csds8o/first\_post\_mostly\_relationship\_history\_emotional/).
It's been a long time since I felt the need to look in her phone but I did this time she left it out.
I saw a recent image sent in chat on Snapchat she had sent someone of neck down cleavage at 8 pm a week before I found it. Taken during the day. Shirt and bra clearly adjusted to have her popping out way more than usual. Glass of wine. Clearly took some work and forethought. He saved the picture. He also saved a comment the next morning. It was a reply to a video she had sent where he said "best day ever of my life."
She had mentioned trying one of those "get the right size bra" things but said it was way too small of a cup and she was popping out of it. I didn't get to see it before it got returned but seemed like he got a picture.
Heart drops. Shaking hand. I'm in shock but I take a couple pictures with my phone and a video of their saved chat history, his username, start date (6 months ago). A bunch of cute but tame selfies with our kids. One more tame snap with one of our kids sent an hour before while I was getting the older one to bed. Checked a couple other places like texts, pictures, and Facebook quick to see if there was anything else recent. Nope. Put the phone back to avoid getting caught in the moment and retreated to the basement to calm down and process it.
I confronted her that night after she got into bed, recording audio with my phone. Mentioned how she should go bra and panty shopping and get some good stuff in person now that our youngest is getting older and she has her body back. That [snap username] would probably enjoy it. No reaction. I repeated it. "Huh?" "Who" I still remember the confused/expressionless face she held while I repeated the name again and she finally said "Oh. Him." Like damn right him. She denied doing anything inappropriate. I said well then you and I have vastly different definitions of inappropriate and showed her the picture of it and asked what other videos she had sent that night. She broke down a bit and said that the picture was a mistake but she hadn't sent anything else. I asked what the video was and she "didn't remember." I said I don't believe that for a second. It's only been a week and was sent right after a cleavage shot? I don't believe it for a second. She still "doesn't remember" as of today. Who is it? "My ex." I asked her how long it had been going on for. "Doesn't remember." I said stop lying. I don't believe you. And "I don't remember" just means I'm going to assume the worst and act that way so it's better if you tell me that truth. That my assumption is full nude/masturbating/etc and it she doesn't remember when it started because it never stopped. Her memory still wasn't working. I showed her the picture of when their friendship started 6 months ago and left the bedroom.
She came after me and it continued with more of the same until late in the night. Her saying that our marriage and kids mean everything to her and she sorry she fucked up and will do anything to make up for it. Apologized for the last few years of resentment fueled attacks and arguments. promised to make a change and that she would do whatever it takes to fix it. I told her that my trust was completely broken but that I wouldnt give up on our marriage and would give her another chance to fix it for the sake of our kids. I just don't know how to fix it and I need time to cope and think and process the shock. That we should see a therapist and I probably need one for myself too. Meanwhile she's not volunteering any more information that I hadn't already discovered myself. Just saying that they only talked about life stuff and she didn't care about him at all but she could vent to him about me. Again, "nothing inappropriate." Which I shut down hard again. That's still an emotional affair with someone you have a history with and if it hasn't been sexual the whole time it's definitely trending there now.
Ended up going to bed at the same time together, tired and emotionally drained. We had sex. It's been too long since we were intimate and I told her we can try to end the night on a positive.
I couldn't sleep.
Over the next days, I started reading whatever I could find about affair recovery. Found some therapist articles and videos. Found this sub and the other related ones. Followed some links. Went to work. Talked to her late into the night after the kids went to sleep. It kept bugging me that she didn't seem to be willing to be fully honest with me. She definitely made other changes and has been helping more around the house and being a lot nicer like when we were dating. Offering time for me to do things for myself and being receptive and showing empathy for my emotions. Still not willing to really share anything that didn't get discovered. Doesn't remember anything else. Says "nothing inappropriate happened." I tried to explain that I can try and move on and work to rebuild the relationship and that I appreciate it that she was making a good effort to make those changes, but that my trust was broken and continuing to lie about the content, extent, etc. would just tear all that work down when it came out. That I needed her to be totally honest and not put her guilt or shame or whatever ahead of the need to disclose everything and end the lies or I might never trust her again.
I asked her to let me go through her phone. She initially said yes. I also said I wasn't comfortable with her staying on Snapchat and I'd like her to delete it. She didn't share the phone right away and then later in the talk changed her mind saying she wasn't comfortable because she was feeling attacked. I said I don't like that answer because it seems selfish and she hasn't shown that she deserves privacy. And what happened to the "I'll do anything to fix it" promise because our marriage and kids are the most important thing to her? She still said she wasn't comfortable with it after I went behind her back to look at it. Typical cheater excuses and deflection, right? I told her she's on exceedingly thin ice and that she had better not delete anything. I allowed it, thinking internally it can serve as a test because I'm already checking out and losing faith that she'll do what it takes to reconcile or change. Also knowing she probably wouldn't think to clear out the trash and she'd do my work for me to smoke out anything she's hiding. I checked the next day and there were a bunch of pictures sent to trash that day. Oddly enough, nothing that bad from the quick peek I got. Mirror shot of her back but fully clothed was the closest thing to sexual. Didn't say anything yet, figuring I'd wait until the kids went to sleep and see if she'd give up the phone willingly and find them there in the trash. Before that though, I noticed on my phone that she disappeared off of Snapchat. Asked her if she deleted it already and she said "yeah, you asked me to." To which I said yeah, but that was when you agreed to show me first. When you prevented that, I told you not to delete anything and it seems like you just used that as an excuse to justify covering your tracks. Also, that deleted all of our saved snaps in chat of our relationship and our kids from both sides. I said I would have liked to back those up because she used it regularly to capture memories instead of her camera.
Whatever. Turns out Snapchat doesn't actually delete anything for 30 days and they come back if you download and log in, so nice try I guess?
She told me his name at one point but I'm bad with names and forgot it in the stress. I looked at her phone again in the middle of the night. Found a conversation between them on instagram from when she was ~7mo pregnant with our first. He initiated, asking to see her sexy belly and she was quick to comply. Went back and forth with compliments and pictures and he asked to video chat. She said she didn't want to because she looked big and exhausted. He said not now, but what about ever? She didn't respond. What do you know, a few days later he spontaneously decided to reinstall Snapchat and asked to add her, giving the same username as the one I saw but his real name was on instagram. Then that went silent. Theres a 3.5 yr gap from then to the latest add. He seems to delete and make new snapchat accounts often. I took a video of the chat history. Go to take an extra picture of the contact info. Fuck! Phone has flash on and she stirs. Oh well. I'm pissed and I don't really care if she catches me. I just don't say anything when she asks what I was doing, but I've got more evidence saved now and I'm
trying to figure out how to check the rest thoroughly before it's totally scrubbed or I'll never be able to confirm anything she says when the gaslighting comes.
He's been married for over 10 years. Has 3 kids. No wonder he has to delete Snapchat

sorry if this is terrible i’m so sleep deprived !!
TLDR: my friends tinder date turned boyfriend has not left her place for over a week (since they met) except for work, not left her side including to shower, and they’ve been high together the whole time and her roommate and i are getting concerned because this guy is essentially a stranger.
i need a fresh perspective on this situation because i’ve only talked about this with my friend and her roommate, who i’m also very close with. her roommate and i tend to spiral when we talk about stressful things because he gets delusions and i’m chronically paranoid, and we’ve talked this to death but im not over it.
so april 28th my friend got dumped by some guy she was dating for 8 months, it was incredibly out of the blue and harsh, and she was wrecked. she’s not someone who subscribes to hookup culture generally, and the last thing she was going to do was sleep around. between april 28 and may 5 she’s been getting over him, classic breakup shit, and going clubbing a lot. i have a slutty week about once a year, around this time, so i’d been on tinder like a full time job throughout this week. she ends up hooking up with a guy she met at the club, entirely out of character, and that guy ghosts her. she’s not super mad, but again she’s not a fan of hookup culture, so her single life is not off to the best start. she keeps bugging me to swipe on my tinder, and she keeps seeing her type, so she decides to redownload tinder. there was this one guy that we both saw and i wasn’t into him but she was, but i can’t remember if she matched me with him when she was still using my tinder. there was also at some point a guy i was going to meet up with, but i had to block because he was way too intense, and was scaring me, im not sure if it’s that same guy or not because i never screenshotted anything from his account because i was talking to him while i was driving (busy gal that week yk?). anyway, she gets tinder and matches with the guy who i wasn’t into, and she decides to have him over that night. i crash on their couch a lot, and i get uncomfortable with men so i wasn’t super chill with this and neither was her roommate, but the guy comes over and spends the night. she had also told us that this guy was not interested in having sex right away, and neither was she, they were just meeting.
i go home the next morning because i have work and school, and just life stuff, and her roommate is texting me funny anecdotes about her “hookup”. we’re both kinda confused because this is out of character for her, they weren’t initially going to hookup, and it just didn’t make sense. at some point i actually meet the guy, and he’s fine, a pretty charming person and fairly nice but something about him is throwing me. i shrug it off because he’s got to go home at some point, and that’s when i can ask her about it. a few days pass, and they’ve both called into work sick a couple times, and have not really left the apartment, and definitely had not had time apart. i talk to her roommate about this, and we’re both a little concerned, but assured that it can’t go on for that much longer because he has a decent level of responsibility at his job and she is pretty intense about her school and work. the next day, they’re officially dating. i’m shocked, her roommate is shocked, and our concern is getting higher. but she does have a tendency to get into relationships quickly, especially after having sex with the person, so we weakly chalk it up to her respecting her values and him being a pretty sweet guy. by this point we’ve noticed this guy is really clingy and intense, doesn’t share tons of values with our friend, and i’m generally getting skeeved out by him. her roommates sister wanted to go clubbing for her birthday, and it would’ve been her first time going out like that, so she only wanted trusted people to join. so our friend let the guy know that he couldn’t join us, and that she would go to his place after. i end up not being able to go because of work, so they go, and within the hour the guy is at the club. it’s unclear if she invited him or if he invited himself, but that was not part of the plan. they ended up leaving shortly after because the roommates bf got a bloody nose and the bouncers thought he was on something, and he got himself kicked out.
the next day, there was a protest going on near their place because they live on a campus, and i was going to head over to study with the roommate, which is something we do a lot. the protest gets intense, and we end up wanting to go, but while i’m driving over her roommate texts me that he’s heading over there because he saw something going down and was bringing a first aid kit and water. i called our friend at this point, because i was worried about her roommate, and she was still at this guys house. the protest was also something she felt passionately about, and in combination with mine and her concern about her roommate she wanted to show up and help out as well. her boyfriend convinced her not to, and tried to get me to tell her to stay with him as well, and he was generally being weird about her leaving without him. that set off alarms in my brain but i saved it for later because of the kind of pressing situation. it all goes fine and we make it back to their place safely, and work on our schoolwork. our friend comes home the next day, and her boyfriend had gone to work. she had classes and then work, so we didn’t see much of her.
i stayed over for that day and ended up sleeping over again because thats kind of just normal for us, but when she comes home from work her boyfriend is with her. he picked her up from work. at this point me and her roommate have been talking about this, and shared our concerns with each other, and were planning to talk to her about it when she got home. that plan was out the window. her roommate is also getting very fed up with an essential stranger being in their space for the amount of time he has, and it’s creating a lot of tension. i leave early again, as i’m uncomfortable with men generally. the next time i head over is a couple days later, and he is still there. at the very least they’re both going to work and my friend is going to her classes, but all of her free time he is around for.
at this point, my friend is also getting exhausted with being around him all of the time, and they’re trying to work out when to spend some time apart. then she tells us that at the end of the month she’s going to a different province with him for a 10 day trip. at this point they’ve only known each other for a week, so we make up a bad excuse to drag her outside and talk. she basically implies we’re being too weird about her going on this trip and to leave it, but then agrees to a couple safety measures, including an itinerary. at this time, her roommate had also seen our friends boyfriend acting stranger when i’m there, being skittish about me coming over, and generally showing discomfort around me. i’m a pretty blunt person, and i have a horribly dry sense of humour so people can misconstrue things i say really easily, but i’ve been generally nice to him.
so we’re all sitting down, i’m writing down the itinerary as they’re taking it through, and then i type up a very generously flexible schedule so that we know where they are just in case. by now, there has also not been a day where they haven’t smoked a joint together every hour. so they both (presumably) have been high since the 6th. he says to add him on snapchat so we can make a group chat to coordinate everything, and make sure we’re all on the same page. when i go to add him, it said that i had previously blocked him.
i get an awful feeling about this guy now, and it’s overwhelming, because i only block people for very specific reasons, everyone else i just unadd. i have no way of figuring out how exactly i know him, because even on the downloadable data files from snapchat our previous conversations are not available because i had blocked him. me and her roommate to outside to talk, and her bf is getting increasingly clingy. we decide we have to talk to her, and have him go home for at least a day or two the next morning, because it was already around 1am. he didn’t want her to join us outside either, which i think is strange. her boyfriend ended up ~getting a call~ that is uncle is dying, on the same night he was meant to go home and chill away from our friend for a while. he ends up staying because she’s worried he may hurt himself (unclear if he directly said this or not)
now, me and her roommate have been poring over the events of the last week and a half, and get ourselves worked up and paranoid as fuck. i think i am justified in being concerned, but every time our friend talks about how tired she is, or how much she wants her own space for a bit, she brushes it off saying that he’s a nice guy. although she has agreed to “kick him out” tomorrow morning.
i feel like he is so clearly far too clingy and possessive, and it feels reminiscent of a uhauling situation i was in a year ago. they’ve been high the entire time they’ve known each other (it’s mostly him providing and suggesting), neither of them has showered alone, and he doesn’t exactly look his age. i’m questioning my fear because the only other person i’ve spoken to about this overthinks just as much if not more than i do, and we both don’t want to wreck something that is going “well” for her. we’re waiting to see if the guy actually goes home today, i have a feeling he won’t. we’re mostly worried about the event of him possibly not taking it well, because we don’t know this man.
TLDR: my friends tinder date turned boyfriend has not left her place for over a week (since they met) except for work, not left her side including to shower, and they’ve been high together the whole time and her roommate and i are getting concerned because this guy is essentially a stranger.

For years allegations of child sex abuse against Richard “Dick” and Brenda Nelson Miles has been reported. Brenda is the daughter of Russell Nelson, the president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Court filings against the Miles has become public. The filings detail the substantial evidence against the Miles couple. A witness has come forward who provides information which potentially implicates President Nelson as a participant in criminal obstruction of justice in regards to these allegations.
https://ldsabuse.info/resources
https://img1.wsimg.com/blobby/go/197bb339-48ed-4812-8f43-d46eda08350e/downloads/Miles%20Complaint.pdf?ver=1715172815058
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1jliiHr49bO_9BVn1A4MR1LSFrVZkjCgE/view

I'm almost done with high school and finally get to move away, thank god. As much as I like being alone I'm so scared of the world (not adulting, just the actual world) and feel like I belong absolutely nowhere. Parties are evil, don't talk to x person they have green hair, "look what she's wearing, stay away from her". I know a lot of things my parents engrained in me are irrational and I'm very aware how stupid it is, but I feel like an imposter walking around and it's only a matter of time before everyone realizes I'm literally just a kid that never grew up in an adult's body. I've never done anything and I have no childhood memories. Everything is so scary. Even talking to a single person. I legitimately expect them to leave me with no warning. If they invited me to hang out with them I would be hypervigilant about the environment we're in, making sure they don't do anything "bad" or use "bad words" (Yeah, I'm messed up... but I wanna stress the difference between me not actually caring what they do and knowing it's fine, versus knowing my parents would be flipping out and feeling an awful combination of shame and guilt and fear).
My family never tolerated anything. I wasn't allowed to have social media my entire life, so I couldn't really connect with anyone at school. No sleepovers ever, and I have to be tracked on my phone all the time. Therapy is bad, animal rights are pointless, sex is not okay and you're more noble than everyone else if you don't care about it (wtf..). Wasn't allowed to watch Harry Potter until I was 16 and Netflix was never allowed in the house. I downloaded a free shooter game on my PC once, my mom found it while snooping, and she flipped out. The clothes I was allowed to wear up until high school literally made me look like a little boy. My sister still has to go to school wearing almost knee length shorts and it looks so bad. I was never really shown basic hygiene stuff like showering everyday, needing to brush your teeth twice a day, etc. Never even suggested I wear deodorant until I was 13/14, I didn't even know people were walking around wearing it and that's why they didn't smell so bad. My parents just kind of let me figure it out. I looked really bad in middle school and in 7th grade I sat down at a table with people that usually let me sit with them, but that day they all just got up and left at the same time and everybody saw it.
My social anxiety is through the roof from isolating myself so much. I remember one day in high school I kind of made a friend and she told me where she sat at lunch, so I went to find her. As soon as I stepped into the lunch room I just wanted to run back out because the anxiety I got was so intense. All these people probably hate me. They're better than me. They have more friends than I do. They have a more interesting life than I do. Now imagine feeling that same feeling when you walk past a single person your age in public. I wish I never existed.
I feel like my life has been set back a decade or two, and that's only the best case scenario if I try really hard to catch up. I'm glad I'm never coming back, but I'm also so depressed right now. Everyone gets to be normal except for me.

I’ve been with this girl for a while now, about a 2 years. Things have been going really well up until now. We went on a couple trips, spent time with her family, really bonded with her father over our shared love of Star Trek, helped cook Thanksgiving TWICE with her Mother, and helped move her Grandma in when she moved from her apartment to the guest room of her parents place. Though I have a family of my own, I considered them my parents as well. Genuinely a kind and loving family.
See, over the past couple of weeks or so, I’ve noticed a lot of changed in my girlfriend. She’s been on her phone way more, she’s been spending more time at work, she’s been getting more expensive clothing, she’s been less intimate with me (not just sex, but cuddling). I really felt a distance between us.
So I took her out to dinner and I spoke to her about it. She looked a little shocked I brought it up, and reassured me nothing was happening, she’s just got some baggage she’s working through and she pulls away because she doesn’t want to drag me down with her. I tell her it’s my job to help her, and she agrees.
The rest of the night went well, but the vibe was off. Even when we cuddled at night, it felt cold. Like it was out of obligation.
A couple days pass and it got better, sure, but not by much.
It wasn’t until she went on an unscheduled work trip that reality kind of hit me.
She’s probably cheating.
I scour the internet, emails, everything, nothing. I spend like 5 hours trying to find evidence, and I come up short. My phone long dead, I give up and try to charge it.
It’s like 5 or something at this point, and I grab my phone and realize it hasn’t been charging. It’s DEAD dead. Because they close at 7, I run to the AT&T store, trade in my old phone with the new one, can’t keep the same number because of some nonsense with the contract, and I’m home.
I download all my apps, log into everything, but IG is giving me problem. See, I used my old phone number to log in, and since the old one is dead, I changed it to the new one and then all hell broke loose.
For some reason, I was able to see everything. I have to assume that not only did she block me on IG, but so did all her associates, and there were A LOT of associates. Last I checked, IG doesn’t work like that. It doesn’t matter what phone number is linked to the account, if it’s blocked, it’s blocked. Despite that, I saw everything.
When I linked my new number to the account, suddenly I see a familiar face in my suggested. I saw my girlfriend, with jizz on her face.
I scroll through the page and shes been doing this for about a year. I’m disgusted. She’s been with so many people I lost fucking count. I remember one day she told me she couldn’t kiss me because she ate something that made her breath bad and I didn’t care, THE SAME FUCKING DAY SHE DID A FELLATION POV. “Just finished a scene…”
I made out with her, hours after she got blasted in the throat by another fucking dude.
I stopped scrolling.
I was and still am livid. I loved this woman. She was my life. She brought me a level of happiness and satisfaction I didn’t think was possible, much less deserved. When I had a hard day at work, she was there to give me a hug and just listen to me. The joy on her face when I cooked her favorite dish could bring a tear to my eye. Seeing the way she lovingly treated my parents fucking killed me man. She was perfect. But no. She’s a just fucking whoring herself out on the internet for the world to see.
I had to taste countless fucking dudes man. I still feel sick to my stomach and that was 2 days ago.
I know it’s not possible to continue the relationship going. I don’t know how to live on from this. It’s felt like these two years were an entire lifetime. How do I end the relationship and move on from this? Move of from her family? I’m lost.
I need some help.
TLDR: My girlfriend is a professional cheater and I just found out.

Hello. I am recovering from deep depression and cptsd that started in my teenage years and I'm now 28. I never dated. I hated being seen and I was deeply suicidal for years.
I'm in therapy and I think I finally want to meet someone to love. I don't really know where to start... I am bisexual leaning to girls so I don't know what app to download and what too expect... I am artsy and outdoorsy now, and I don't just want to have sex because I don't think I can handle superficial relationships for now (or ever)
Do you have any tips on romance and love? Please share...

I tried quitting porn for two years. I tought i will never get pass one week. It took me a year to reach where i am now. I am so glad my journey went like this at first, i started meditating only 5 min a day sometime 3. After a month, i started gratitude journaling idk why but i love it. I do it everyday never missed a day. I saw somewhere on youtube that cold showers could help i implemented cold showers also but still no avail kept failing and relapsing. I started reading books around 10 pages a day. I quitt smoking and i started doing breathwork before meditating , still i kept watchibg porn amd relapsing. However, i kept all the things that i added. I joined a gym and started a diet 3 months ago. I tried to water fast for a week before that but i relapsed a lot. There was no food in me, but i was horny all the time. I didnt watch porn, but i was always on snapchat relapsing. I delted snapchat and unsubscribed from channel that have any soft porn . I was still fapping. Finally, i decided to quit sugar and food with high gi index. At the same time, i read a book could your brain on porn. They talked about how porn blockers might help. I was so skeptical, but i said why not. I am losing either way. I downloaded one, but it wasnt free. I am cheap. I never buy for apps, but i said why not its like buying a pack of ciggrattes. I also foubd an app to track all my habits it was free. Its called habits nothing fancy, but it does the job. My take is that quitting porn is not easy. You do it one step at a time. Just keep the good habits, and try implmenting new good ones. Just be kind to yourself and passiant with it. Like teaching your kid how to ride a bike. Ig u will not scream and treat your kid badly he falls off the bike. My wish now is to finish 90 days. I feel different. My mind before was sad and feeling lonely. All my thinking was how to get girls and sex. I feel now that i need to help people and my family. Girls are not my priority now. Good luck to anyone be strong u can make it.

I feel like I need to just vent and let everything out, so here goes. This is gonna be long and a lot of yapping, I’m a mess while writing this. This doesn’t even contain everything that has happened.
I matched on Tinder with a cute guy in 2014 and we both made clear that we didn’t want anything else than friendship. But in a month, we were falling for each other. Early 2015, he told me he loves me, but he acknowledged my fear of love so I wouldn’t have to say it back. I kinda freaked out and dipped out, but we kept texting every month, especially when drunk, we told each other how much we like each other.
2016 we became official after playing around. It was heaven on earth for me then and I loved the man with my whole heart. I went out of my way for him. He was my first everything.
Few months into our relationship, we were at a festival with another couple who were our friends, and we 4 slept in a campervan. He wanted to have sex, I didn’t and I told him no few times. He ended up rubbing himself between my thighs while I laid there frozen and hurt. I pushed the whole thing away from my mind. Another 6 months in, we were drinking in his hometown with his friends. He got too drunk and ended up grabbing me from my collar and pushing me aggressively against a wall and yelled at me. He ran away and I was alone in his hometown while he didn’t answer. Well I found him and we went to his mother’s house to sleep, where he cried to me that I shouldn’t be with him that he’s a bad man. Another year in, one of his best friends hated me and trash talked me to their friend group and it was literally hell on earth, and he just let it happen, without setting things straight or defending me. And at the same time, we listened to one podcast where a couple had downloaded their tinders back and watched their old matches and convos to laugh at them lightheartedly. Well, we did just that but what I found out was that he had had tinder while we were officially together and talked to other women. He ended up deleting everything before he could show me them and saying it wasn’t him, that his single friends used his phone and pictures for tinder, but I could tell that it was him from the messages I had time to see.
The last 4 years have been sexless, and I have suffered with that a lot. There’s no kisses, no holding hands, no I love you’s, nothing. We have basically been friends for the last 4 years except when he’s drunk and wants to rub his D against me and cum.
Well now, we broke up a month ago, after being 8 years officially together and a decade of us being engaged with one another. Everything we own shared, our car, cats, furniture, EVERYTHING.
I’m just so broken, sad, finished and tired. I love him, but I don’t, I hate him, but I don’t. I have fought for this relationship for years alone, and it ended up breaking me. I have been unmotivated to finish my bachelor degree, I just stay home and don’t want to see anyone and I escape reality with music and stories. I read and use AI to live my hopeless romantic dreams, I dream about a life, but I’m scared I won’t ever get it because I lost myself in this relationship. I lost my mental health and my body. I have gained 30kg since we started dating, he loves ordering in and eating chips and all that shit, I had never even taken food home before I met him.
I’m looooost and I don’t know what to do, how to pull myself together and go live my life while going through this breakup, he and his family were my life and now I’m going to move out to live alone for the first time ever with two cats we got together.

I've been struggling with a very destructive pattern of paying for sex for some time now. I don't do it often, and bc of that I've fooled myself into believing that these act-outs are just a series of one-off events brought on by specific stressors in my life, but it has undoubtedly become a pattern and I know that I need some accountability.
For context, from a young age I've always engaged in somewhat deviant (to me) sexual behavior. I was raised very strictly catholic and from a young age was told in school that it was a sin to masturbate. I matured earlier than many boys and started masturbating in 4th grade. The first time scared the hell out of me as I had no idea what was happening. All I knew is it felt good and that I couldn't talk to it about anyone.
Fast forward to 8th grade - I was in a serious relationship through 9th grade. This was the first time I had sex of any kind with another person. I also was cheating on her with many other girls.
Next was sophomore year of high school. The first time I experienced true love. And the first time I felt I had such a deep connection with someone else that was respectful and honest. And still I ended up cheating on her toward the end of our two years together. We remain friends to this day which I'm very thankful for, and hey it was high school - water under the bridge, young people make mistakes right? maybe, but...
Fast forward to my college years, I was in a very serious relationship for the entirety of college that culminated in marriage right out of school and a subsequent divorce a few years later. She was the one. Beautiful, smart, sexy. She had everything I wanted (or thought I wanted in my juvenile brain). But as we entered our 3rd year of dating, we began to have many serious sexual issues that we would later find out, stemmed from both of our underlying trauma surrounding sex. We continuously played out a very destructive sexual fantasy that was never explicitly spoken about until the very end of our relationship. In addition to this, I also had many emotional and physical affairs along the way.
That failed marriage prompted a complete overhaul of my life. I was devastated and I knew there were many things I needed to sort out if I was ever going to have a healthy relationship to sex and with another person. Thus, I found a therapist. An amazing therapist. I didn't realize how good he was until much later. The work we did together changed my life. I found a stable career. And I found the girl of my dreams. The relationship was calm, respectful, loving, and without the vicious ups and downs I had previously known. The sex was good and meaningful. We are still together - married with three children. And to this day I have not had any sort of emotional connection to anyone else but her.
And yet, I'm here. Early in my relationship with my now-wife, I visited a massage parlor and cheated. I talked about this with my therapist. We dug in and explored why I felt the need to do this and discovered that this acting out had very little to do with my relationship and everything to do with some unresolved issues inside of me. Thus, the advice was to not disclose the transgression to my partner as it would only cause her pain. That took me a minute to understand but I believe it was the right decision. I still do. And with time, I moved past it.
That was my only transgression for a long time. After many years of intensive therapy I was a new man, feeling more confident and secure in myself than I'd ever been. And so on my therapists advice we began to taper off on the sessions until finally we felt the bulk of our work was done and that I we would check in only on a necessary basis.
And then 3 years into my marriage, I acted out again. I visited another sex worker. I was devastated. But I felt confident that I could handle this on my own. I didn't call my therapist. I journaled, I downloaded a sober app, I conducted therapy sessions with myself, and I held myself accountable. And with time I began to feel better until the guilt faded away and after numerous successful moments where I stopped myself from acting out. This gave me a security that I might finally have kicked my issue. And so I went on with life, I dedicated myself to being the best partner and father I could be. I didn't think of my transgressions often - only when those impulses would arise or I would catch myself drinking a bit too much and experiencing intrusive thoughts.
And then after almost 2 years of sobriety, I did again last week. And I'm crushed. It shakes the foundation I've fought so hard to build. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like a broken person doomed to failure. And my deep fear now is that I've pathologized this behavior. I've normalized it. And that thought sends me into a panic. Is this what my life will be? Will I always have to carry around this shadow self? This is not the man I want to be. This is not the partner or father I want to be.
And what makes it that much more difficult is that my family and friends adore me. I've been referred to as "golden boy" more than a few times. I have an enviable life. And I'm the type of person who friends and family confide in and look up to. I've been told I emanate a quiet strength and people feel safe around me.
And yet, here I am with this terrible secret. I don't feel like the man people think I am or that I portray myself to be. I've called my therapist and we will speak tomorrow, but any words of encouragement or additional resources would be much appreciated. I cannot allow this to happen again. It is eating away at my heart.

Hey everyone,
I've been struggling with a very destructive pattern of paying for sex for some time now. I don't do it often, and bc of that I've fooled myself into believing that these act-outs are just a series of one-off events brought on by specific stressors in my life, but it has undoubtedly become a pattern and I know that I need some accountability.
For context, from a young age I've always engaged in somewhat deviant (to me) sexual behavior. I was raised very strictly catholic and from a young age was told in school that it was a sin to masturbate. I matured earlier than many boys and started masturbating in 4th grade. The first time scared the hell out of me as I had no idea what was happening. All I knew is it felt good and that I couldn't talk to it about anyone.
In 6th and 7th grade I was spying on my nextdoor neighbors. Two very attractive sisters whose room was right across the way from mine. I would watch them as they showered and changed.
Fast forward to 8th grade - I was in a serious relationship through 9th grade. This was the first time I had sex of any kind with another person. I also was cheating on her with many other girls.
Next was sophomore year of high school. The first time I experienced true love. And the first time I felt I had such a deep connection with someone else that was respectful and honest. And still I ended up cheating on her toward the end of our two years together. We remain friends to this day which I'm very thankful for, and hey it was high school - water under the bridge, young people make mistakes right? maybe, but...
Fast forward to my college years, I was in a very serious relationship for the entirety of college that culminated in marriage right out of school and a subsequent divorce a few years later. She was the one. Beautiful, smart, sexy. She had everything I wanted (or thought I wanted in my juvenile brain). But as we entered our 3rd year of dating, we began to have many serious sexual issues that we would later find out, stemmed from both of our underlying trauma surrounding sex. We continuously played out a very destructive sexual fantasy that was never explicitly spoken about until the very end of our relationship. In addition to this, I also had many emotional and physical affairs along the way.
That failed marriage prompted a complete overhaul of my life. I was devastated and I knew there were many things I needed to sort out if I was ever going to have a healthy relationship to sex and with another person. Thus, I found a therapist. An amazing therapist. I didn't realize how good he was until much later. The work we did together changed my life. I found a stable career. And I found the girl of my dreams. The relationship was calm, respectful, loving, and without the vicious ups and downs I had previously known. The sex was good and meaningful. We are still together - married with three children. And to this day I have not had any sort of emotional connection to anyone else but her.
And yet, I'm here. Early in my relationship with my now-wife, I visited a massage parlor and cheated. I talked about this with my therapist. We dug in and explored why I felt the need to do this and discovered that this acting out had very little to do with my relationship and everything to do with some unresolved issues inside of me. Thus, the advice was to not disclose the transgression to my partner as it would only cause her pain. That took me a minute to understand but I believe it was the right decision. I still do. And with time, I moved past it.
That was my only transgression for a long time. After many years of intensive therapy I was a new man, feeling more confident and secure in myself than I'd ever been. And so on my therapists advice we began to taper off on the sessions until finally we felt the bulk of our work was done and that I we would check in only on a necessary basis.
And then 3 years into my marriage, I acted out again. I visited another sex worker. I was devastated. But I felt confident that I could handle this on my own. I didn't call my therapist. I journaled, I downloaded a sober app, I conducted therapy sessions with myself, and I held myself accountable. And with time I began to feel better until the guilt faded away and after numerous successful moments where I stopped myself from acting out. This gave me a security that I might finally have kicked my issue. And so I went on with life, I didn't think of it often - only when those impulses would arise or I would catch myself drinking a bit too much and experiencing intrusive thoughts.
And then after almost 2 years of sobriety, I did again last week. And I'm crushed. It shakes the foundation I've fought so hard to build. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like a broken person doomed to failure. And my deep fear now is that I've pathologized this behavior. I've normalized it. And that thought sends me into a panic. Is this what my life will be? Will I always have to carry around this shadow self? This is not the man I want to be. This is not the partner or father I want to be.
And what makes it that much more difficult is that my family and friends adore me. I've been referred to as "golden boy" more than a few times. I have an enviable life. And I'm the type of person who friends and family confide in and look up to. I've been told I emanate a quiet strength and people feel safe around me.
And yet, here I am with this terrible secret. I don't feel like the man people think I am or that I portray myself to be. I've called my therapist and we will speak tomorrow, but any words of encouragement or additional resources would be much appreciated. I cannot allow this to happen again. It is eating away at my heart.

I (21M) have been on bumble and hinge for 2 years now and it's gotten me nowhere. Originally I downloaded bumble out of curiosity and my friends talked me into downloading hinge. I knew I wasn't going to get tons of matches right away because I'm not a "captain of the football team" kind of guy, but (at least I think) I'm not ugly, just average-looking. Regardless my experience with dating apps has been lousy from day one. Whenever I got a match it was always the same shit, we would talk a bit for a couple of days and then I'd get ghosted, or I never get a message back, to begin with. I've tried everything I could think of to spice up my profile to possibly get more matches or keep the conversation going, but nothing I've tried has worked. I've been single for a while now while 2 of my friends are getting married, and I'm the only one amongst my friends who's a virgin. Being the age that I am I inevitably sometimes get made fun of for not having sex, my friend's fiance has even said that I am incompetent with women. I have a little dilemma when it comes to sex, for a while I didn't care that much, I figured I would have sex with someone I care about when the times right. Now I'm starting to think I should just get it over with with how my luck with dating has been. Lately, I've seen a lot of posts of people who are 30+ and have never dated saying it's not so bad. While I'm sure for some people it is, I don't want to be a virgin for the rest of my 20s, I want to have some experience before settling down. I'm at my endpoint now, I'm sick of dating apps, I'm sick of swiping through dozens of girls a day knowing I'm going to match with almost none of them, I'm sick of the same shit happening over and over and over again. I don't know who to talk to about this and I don't know what posting this is going to entail. But if anyone even reads this hearing me rant about my problems, thanks for taking the time.

I have worked at a small hospitality company as a serveteam leademanager (sometimes) for 2 years and everyone likes me. Unfortunately, due to the nature of the job, we get many problem employees so there's a high turnover rate.
I was working a wedding last weekend (May 4th) as a server (not team leader) and there was a new coworker who I started talking to just because he's new and he was in my team. At some point, he made some sort of comment (maybe about hot women) and I said that I'm not into women and that I'm gay. At some point, he assigned himself to cut the wedding cake (instead of doing his job as a server) and he passes me some slices. He asks me "what kind of cake is this?" (it had strawberries, blueberries, and other fruits) and I responded "fruitcake" because that's what it clearly was and I was in work mode. Then he looks at me and goes "yeah, exactly" but with a look that made it clear he was trying to call me fruitcake and I fell for it. I say "excuse me?" and he goes "oh sh**, I don't want others to hear me. My sense of humor is dry like that." So he was clearly trying to call me that. I asked him to explain and he made a joke about him being a fruitcake only on weekends.
Eventually I try to ask him to clarify and tell him a recent story of a drunk person trying to hate crime me (to make him realize his words have consequences and apologize). He goes "I'm straight but I haven't been drinking for about 5 years because I was in a program." Then he starts bringing up how he downloaded a fetish and bdsm app where people have group sex and other stuff but that it was disgusting so he deleted it. I got annoyed at him for being homophobic and not apologizing so I told the team leaders (who I get along with) to report him. Usually if you are new and get reported multiple times, they stop giving you shifts.
At the end of the shift, I left and was still trying to get an apology, so he, a female coworker (who is also a problem but was brought up as a witness) and I went downstairs to the parking lot. I go "any plans for the rest of the weekend?" (which I ask people just to be cordial) and he said no and that he's going home. Then we all said goodnight.
This past week, he somehow got my number and called me but I didn't pick up, then texted me asking if I knew who reported him. I didn't answer so he texted me again saying that I'm crazy, that I was making jokes, tried to hook up with him, and that he's actually gay, has a pride tattoo, and lives in the gay neighborhood but is "absolutely not interested" in me. I'm not sure if he's lying to cover himself but now he quit.
HR still wants me to fill out an incident report and I will speak to the rep. What should I mention and what should I keep quit? The team leaders are backing me up as is the CEO, but I'm concerned this documentation will follow me. Also, the guy brought up the female problem employee. She, the guy and I followed each other on instagram but I blocked them both. I saw male employee had a shift with me yesterday so I emailed manager saying that I'm uncomfortable working with him and he was taken off the schedule. He quit today.
TL;DR: Got called fruitcake at work "as a joke," reported coworker who claimed to be heterosexual. Now he's claiming he's gay and that I tried hooking up with him, and is bringing up a witness who is a problem employee and lies. I added female employee on IG but blocked her now. homophobic employee was on schedule so I got him taken off by saying I'm uncomfortable working with him. Any insights/feedback for the report and HR rep meeting would be very helpful. I have a great reputation at work. Thank you.

I feel like I need to just vent and let everything out, so here goes. This is gonna be long and a lot of yapping, I’m a mess while writing this. This doesn’t even contain everything that has happened.
I matched on Tinder with a cute guy in 2014 and we both made clear that we didn’t want anything else than friendship. But in a month, we were falling for each other. Early 2015, he told me he loves me, but he acknowledged my fear of love so I wouldn’t have to say it back. I kinda freaked out and dipped out, but we kept texting every month, especially when drunk, we told each other how much we like each other.
2016 we became official after playing around. It was heaven on earth for me then and I loved the man with my whole heart. I went out of my way for him. He was my first everything.
Few months into our relationship, we were at a festival with another couple who were our friends, and we 4 slept in a campervan. He wanted to have sex, I didn’t and I told him no few times. He ended up rubbing himself between my thighs while I laid there frozen and hurt. I pushed the whole thing away from my mind. Another 6 months in, we were drinking in his hometown with his friends. He got too drunk and ended up grabbing me from my collar and pushing me aggressively against a wall and yelled at me. He ran away and I was alone in his hometown while he didn’t answer. Well I found him and we went to his mother’s house to sleep, where he cried to me that I shouldn’t be with him that he’s a bad man. Another year in, one of his best friends hated me and trash talked me to their friend group and it was literally hell on earth, and he just let it happen, without setting things straight or defending me. And at the same time, we listened to one podcast where a couple had downloaded their tinders back and watched their old matches and convos to laugh at them lightheartedly. Well, we did just that but what I found out was that he had had tinder while we were officially together and talked to other women. He ended up deleting everything before he could show me them and saying it wasn’t him, that his single friends used his phone and pictures for tinder, but I could tell that it was him from the messages I had time to see.
The last 4 years have been sexless, and I have suffered with that a lot. There’s no kisses, no holding hands, no I love you’s, nothing. We have basically been friends for the last 4 years except when he’s drunk and wants to rub his D against me and cum.
Well now, we broke up a month ago, after being 8 years officially together and a decade of us being engaged with one another. Everything we own shared, our car, cats, furniture, EVERYTHING.
I’m just so broken, sad, finished and tired. I love him, but I don’t, I hate him, but I don’t. I have fought for this relationship for years alone, and it ended up breaking me. I have been unmotivated to finish my bachelor degree, I just stay home and don’t want to see anyone and I escape reality with music and stories. I read and use AI to live my hopeless romantic dreams, I dream about a life, but I’m scared I won’t ever get it because I lost myself in this relationship. I lost my mental health and my body. I have gained 30kg since we started dating, he loves ordering in and eating chips and all that shit, I had never even taken food home before I met him.
I’m looooost and I don’t know what to do, how to pull myself together and go live my life while going through this breakup, he and his family were my life and now I’m going to move out to live alone for the first time ever with two cats we got together.