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Friends (F26 F26 M23 M29) have been excluding me (M29). What should I do?
2024.05.18 14:19 imspartacus147 Friends (F26 F26 M23 M29) have been excluding me (M29). What should I do?
First of all, I’m really sorry this post is so long, though I’d like to make sure everything is covered. I’m sorry that it’s probably not really exciting, but the issue has been causing me a massive amount of hurt, so any replies and advice would be immensely appreciated. I’ll try to give as much detail as I can. Obviously, you are only hearing this from my side, but I have been as honest as possible about the following, otherwise I don’t think any advice I receive would be helpful. This is written anonymously as well, so it’s not like the people involved are going to find-out. Nevertheless, none of the names I use in this are their real ones, just in case. If you have any questions or need further details on any part of this, please let me know.
I was good friends with a work colleague, I’ll call her Robin. We were (and still are) pastoral support staff in a large sixth form college. We’re part of quite a big team and each look after a caseload of students. Being about the same age, me and this colleague naturally spent time together on breaks at work, which usually involved going out for walks or just chatting in our office, which we shared with three other members of staff, all older women. I got on well with everyone in the team, but just wasn’t as close friends with them. Me and Robin chatted a lot and joked both in person and by messages on Whatsapp. I felt comfortable sharing lots of personal things with her, such as my poor mental health and at points I was worried I’d scare her off with how much I had said, but it never did. She opened up a bit about her own mental health as well, though now I realise to nowhere near the same extent. Looking back, she was not as comfortable sharing personal details as she was with her other friends. I’m not sure why I didn’t notice this at the time, was I too self-centred, or just subconsciously focusing only on the things she did tell me?
When Robin was struggling or upset, I always made an effort to go and help or comfort her. At one time she wrote on our office’s group Whatsapp chat that she had gone to our college’s wellbeing room as she was really upset. I immediately dropped what I was doing and headed over to sit with her. Of course, I checked if she wanted me there, but she was happy that she had some company. It’s easy for me to say this as I’m writing now, but at this point I had no actual romantic feelings for her, she was just a mate. She referred to me in messages as ‘mate’ a few times, so it was clear she wasn’t interested in anything other than friendship, which was absolutely fair enough.
This went on for most of the year and at the start of the next academic year, we were in different offices. Our workplace moves the team round every year for various reasons including to get us to build better working relationships with other members of the team. My new office had two people besides myself, one an older woman and the other a new colleague, who I’ll call Sam, also about my age, who had moved departments in the college and was just starting out in our role. She had been placed in my office so that we could support her in getting used to the job.
Robin and Sam already knew each other as before Robin started the pastoral role, she worked in Sam’s department. Robin warned me to “watch my back” with Sam. Robin was never specific with what happened, just that Sam had been a bully towards her. As Robin was my friend, I took her word for it.
A while later, I was called into my manager’s office and asked if Sam was always working on what she should have been. I told her that as far as I knew she was, though I never really looked too much at what she was working on as I was busy with my own stuff. I knew that in fact, Sam was working when she could on her assignments for the part-time degree she was completing. I didn’t want to throw her under the bus for this, though. We all have times where we aren’t completely focused on our work when we should be. Robin told me afterwards it was her who had reported Sam for doing her degree work. She apologised for not giving me a heads-up before I was called into the meeting with my manager.
Sam had a discussion with one of the assistant principals where she was told off. As Robin was my mate, I promised her that I wouldn’t tell Sam or anyone else at all that she had made the report. This was tricky as our other colleagues were commenting things like “who would do that to a colleague? We’re supposed to be a team”. Robin even told me at one point afterwards that she felt like a “bitch” for doing it. I told her then that she did the right thing and that I understood her frustration at another team member not working when she worked so hard herself. Looking back, this was an awful thing for me to do and I feel really bad about it.
After a while of working in the office with Sam, I got to know her. She wasn’t anything like Robin had told me. In fact, she was an absolutely lovely person, kind, funny and although she had a reputation for being the loud, chatty and boisterous one in the group, this was a bit of a façade and she actually had some real confidence issues, as well as some mental health issues, though she never said exactly what. I slowly began to regret taking Robin’s word about Sam and for not judging her by my own experiences. Me and Sam became quite close friends. I feel it’s important to note that Sam was married and was not at all my type for a romantic partner, but we became good friends. Perhaps surprisingly, Robin and Sam became very close friends at the same time. I felt comfortable sharing some quite personal things with Sam, including some issues I was having with my mental health.
As I was single, Sam made it her mission to get me a girlfriend, which I was a bit reluctant towards at first and not convinced anything would actually succeed. Sam was very interested in gossip and good at getting secrets out of people, so she eventually found out that I had developed feelings for Robin. My feelings had appeared at some point early in the academic year that I moved into the office with Sam. I knew that me and Robin would never work. Though we were good friends, we were too different. I was perfectly happy being just mates, but the feelings were still there. Very much a heart versus head situation.
Me and a few colleagues went on a night out to a few bars and a nightclub. We all got drunk and at one point in the evening I took Robin aside and told her that I liked her. I know it’s easy to blame the alcohol but I don’t think I would have said it otherwise. I knew we would never work, so what was the point in risking damaging our friendship? I didn’t remember her reaction at the time due to the alcohol.
The next day, I really regretted my decision to tell her this. For the next few days, I was really awkward around her. I tried to subtly ask if she remembered me saying anything to her that night, but she said she didn’t. I also tried asking another one of our work friends, Bethany, as well as Sam, both of whom were on the night out. I was good friends with Bethany and had been open to her about my feelings for Robin. Sam said that Robin really couldn’t remember much, as she was so drunk at the time. Bethany, however, said that Robin had told her that she thought I had “told me he liked me”, but that she wasn’t certain due to being drunk and having a patchy memory of the evening. During this conversation with Bethany, she advised I come clean as it was the right thing to do. I agreed and the same evening I wrote a message saying that I had said those things and that although I didn’t expect anything to happen as a result, I would understand if she wanted to distance from me. Robin replied after about half an hour, which I can tell you felt like an eternity.
The response was lovely, thanking me for my honesty and saying that she would never want to distance from me. “First of all, there is absolutely nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t upset me or offend me in any way. I honestly couldn’t remember if something was actually said or not. Secondly, I know that you’re such a kind and genuine person that I would never think you’re friends with me because you were simply trying to get into a relationship with me. I value you so much. This doesn’t make me annoyed in anyway at all. You haven’t damaged our friendship at all”. I replied “Thank you for that. You are really too kind-hearted for your own good”. She replied with “No need to say thank you. Thank you for telling me the truth and being honest. I really appreciate it. I would never want to distance from you”.
This made me feel much better. A few days later at the weekend we had arranged to go out as a group with colleagues. Me and another colleague, Carl, were the only two guys going and he ended up dropping out last minute. I got a Whatsapp message from Robin apologising and asking if it was okay for me to not go as well, as it was originally meant to be a girly night out anyway before inviting me and Carl. I told her that was absolutely fine with that and that there was no need to apologise and that I hoped they enjoy the evening. I was fine with this at the time, though there was naturally the worry that I was being uninvited due to Robin now knowing I had feeling for her.
However, when I told some of my non-work friends that I had been asked not to go, they immediately thought this was absolutely horrible of them towards me, regardless of if I was the only guy going with the group. I’ve told a few more people about this (as well as that I had admitted my feelings to Robin) since then and everyone has had the same reaction. At first, I tried defending my colleagues (as I genuinely would have preferred not to not go at the time), but I came to consider that my friends were right and this wasn’t an acceptable way to treat a mate. As I’m writing this, I still don’t know how I feel about what they did. Was I just blind to it due to my feelings for Robin and preferred to only see the good things in her? Was I just deluded in the belief that my friends would never do something horrible towards me?
The weeks and months after that, I gradually came to feel as though I was being left out of the group of my work friends. It is important to note here that at some point during this time, Robin got a new boyfriend, Jack. Of course, this was absolutely fine and really gave me a good amount of closure on the situation and any feelings I had remaining for Robin. I understand that some of Robin’s avoidance of me may have been to protect me from being upset by this, though it really was not necessary.
There were lots of things that happened to cause me to feel excluded in these months, of which the following are a few examples. I would see Robin, Sam and Carl often go out for walks during their lunch breaks, without inviting me. On one occasion they invited me out with them after I saw them leaving, but this felt like they were only doing it because I had seen them. They would have messaged me or stopped by my office to see if I was free if they actually desired me to be there. Another time, I was asked when I was free during the school holidays and after I answered, the group specifically arranged a meet-up time that I couldn’t make. On another occasion, I was very excited to go to a musicals-themed quiz night hosted at our college, as I love musicals. I said I would be interested in going, if others in our group were, but no-one said they did. However, Robin told me the next day that they did go, but it was last minute so they didn’t have time to ask me. They could have sent a message or came to my office, so I don’t understand how this was a problem.
Whenever I asked to go on walks with people or arrange things outside of work, either in-person or on our Whatsapp group, my colleagues never seemed to be available. What I noticed when other colleagues asked the same things, was that people were either more available, or if they weren’t available, they would suggest another time. They didn’t do this when I asked. I eventually gave up asking. It was pretty humiliating to be repeatedly turned down on a groups chat.
The college held an event one evening, which involved a meal at the site. My colleagues were going, so I decided to go along as well. I had been the previous year to the event and had really enjoyed it. However, this one ended up really upsetting me. Before the meal, there was a talk in our lecture hall. I was the first of my colleagues to enter and saved them a row of seats towards the back of the room (near the entrance). However, all seven of my colleagues who were there walked straight past me. If it was one or two it might be possible that they just didn’t see me, but all seven of them? I highly doubt it. For the meal, I was the first of the group to arrive again to the room, so claimed a table. When the others arrived, they all sat on the table next to mine. They said to pull our two tables together so I could sit with them, which we did, but the seven of them crowded onto their own table, whilst I was sat on my own. The colleague sitting closest to my table also fully turned their back to me, so it felt as though they were excluding me and making it difficult for me to engage in conversations. Throughout the evening, I tried to chat with each of my colleagues, but every time was either met with a one-word answer, or a quick acknowledgement, then they would move on to speak with someone else on the table. It felt like they asked to pull the two tables together so it looked like they were making an effort, but everything else indicated they wanted nothing to do with me. Carl was the only one who actually engaged me in a conversation, as we waited in the line for food, though it was just me and him at this point (the others had got their food already and were back at the table).
There was the occasional time where I was invited to something, but with the feeling of being avoided on the vast majority of occasions, it very much felt like it was just out of pity or an excuse to say that the group made an effort to include me. One time, we went out for coffee after work. I was invited by Sam, but when I turned up, Robin and Carl both seemed very surprised to see me there. On another occasion, we went out for food. On this event, it was very clear that Robin had feelings for Carl. She was quite ‘touchy-feely’ with him and was taking selfies with him, but no-one else. I wasn’t the only one of us to notice. In Sam’s words, she was “all over him” and she actually had to tell Robin to back away from Carl a bit, as Carl was already in a long-term relationship. Was this actually just Robin sending a message to me that she wasn’t interested in me? Or I am just being too self-centred there? It was certainly very hard and quite upsetting for me to sit there with them, bearing in mind I still had feelings for Robin at this point.
The difficulties with all these is that, on their own, each one of the examples of being left out can just be explained as bad luck, bad timing, or a one-off. However, the fact that these things kept happening led me to believe that the group were actively excluding me. This went on for a few months. This led to my self-esteem and mental wellbeing being completely wrecked. I thought I was a terrible person, a waste of space, a creep and that people would be better-off without me. I won’t go into details but I got to a really low point. I ended up speaking with my GP, going onto anti-depression medication and attending counselling sessions. I know I should have communicated with my colleagues earlier, but could never bring myself to. I have severe social anxiety and do whatever I can to avoid conflict, even if that means suffering myself.
Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore. Not being able to focus on anything but the worry and the almost physical pain of the anxiety, every single day, was horrible. On the advice of another work colleague and a friend, both of whom I had been very open with, I decided to speak to Robin. I asked if we could have a quick chat alone and she said that was absolutely fine. I saw her at the end of one of her lessons. It was really tricky at first, I could feel my hands shaking with the nerves. I told her that I didn’t mean to sound accusing, even though it would probably sound like that and that whatever was said, I wouldn’t get upset and didn’t intend for her to be upset, all I was seeking with honesty and clarification. I bluntly asked if the group were avoiding me. Perhaps being naïve, I honestly expected her to be surprised and say she wasn’t aware of how they had been acting towards me and the impact it was having. However, she told me that they were avoiding me.
She went on to say that when they were about to go on a walk on a lunch break a while ago, Robin had asked Sam and Carl if they should ask if I would like to go, but Sam had said “would Jack not be uncomfortable with that?”. After that, they made a point of purposely not inviting me on walks. Robin also said that she was close with Sam and Carl and they sometimes discussed things like their partners, which she thought might upset me. I reassured her that it wouldn’t, but I told Robin that these reasons were all absolutely fine and that I completely understood and thanked her for her honesty. She said that she had intended to tell me sooner, but hadn’t got round to it (yeah right, a whole year and not finding the opportunity?). I didn’t say it at the time, but I would have really appreciated if they had just told me, instead of letting me think I was an awful person and that they hated me. I’m sure anyone would feel like that if their friends started excluding them.
As we left the room, Robin said that she would like to start using the college gym and I said that I use it after work that day. She said she’d really like to join me, which made me happy and feel as though she would like to perhaps make it up to me a bit by spending time with me to show she was comfortable around me. After I met with Robin, she messaged me thanking me for my honestly and I replied thanking her for her honesty as well. Unfortunately, later in the day Robin asked to speak with me on my own. She said she had told Jack that she was going to the gym with me that evening and he was really uncomfortable with it and asked her not to go. I said that I understood and that it was absolutely fine. I asked if she had told Jack about me and that I had had feelings for her in the past, but she said she hadn’t. She said she wasn’t sure if she would tell him. I told her that I wouldn’t say anything for or against doing this as it wasn’t my decision to make, it was their relationship and that shouldn’t be influenced by what I say, though I said that it was important that you are honest with and trust each other in a relationship. She asked if I would still come to badminton with the group on Monday (which we planned for the first time that week, it wasn’t a regular thing) I did go to it and found that it was quite fun, though I was wary the whole time of the others and how they were acting towards me, so could never truly relax. It seemed as though nothing was out of the ordinary and we got on fine.
The next day, we got a message on our group Whatsapp chat from David (another colleague) saying he was going to the gym that night if anyone would like to join him. Immediately, Robin said she would come and Sam as well. I was absolutely heartbroken by this. Even though David was in a relationship and Sam was coming as well, there was either no consideration of how I would feel seeing this, or it was even possible (though I honestly don’t think likely) that it was intentional in order to make me feel excluded again. Why was Robin fine with going with Dan, but not me? Why was Jack comfortable with Dan and not me? People can still have affairs in relationships, so I don’t understand why David was safe for Robin to be around but not me. Though Sam was there as well, she only stayed for about ten minutes when we played badminton together, so was unlikely to stay long. I felt that, despite what was said to me by Robin, they still hated me and regarded me as a creep.
This, for me, was the final straw. Taken with the fact that I had it now confirmed that the group were actively avoiding me by speaking to Robin, I decided that I needed a clean break from the group. I had been thinking of doing this for months, but hadn’t seriously considered doing it until now. For once I was going to put my own wellbeing and mental health first. I decided that I shouldn’t care what the others thought of me. So, I left the Whatsapp group. I waited until the Friday of that week after work, so that people wouldn’t immediately come and speak to me, when I really didn’t want to see anyone.
I didn’t block individual people, but I received no contact afterwards. As of writing this (just over two weeks after leaving the Whatsapp group), they’ve left me alone. Hopefully they got the message that I was not interested in the group, or perhaps they were relieved that I had removed myself, rather than them having to keep secretly excluding me. Maybe they thought I just needed space. Maybe they just didn’t care. Sometimes the trash takes itself out. Like trash is completely how they’ve made me feel and to be fair, they’re probably right. I’m fine with whatever. I worried about being confronted by them, either by message or in person, as I wasn’t sure what I would say. Would I just be blunt and perhaps upset them by telling them how I really felt? Or would it be best just to say I didn’t want to talk anymore? I’m still not sure what the best response would be if it came to that. Anyway, as of writing this now, none of them have spoken to me. I’m absolutely fine with that. I’ve felt a lot better, though I still wonder if I do need to speak with them to get full closure, but I think I’m happy where I am now. Perhaps some time will help.
The only contact I’ve had has been a brief chat with Carl. It was a fairly normal chat about films we had seen recently, but I told him that I had left the group (I believe only group admins get notified if a member leaves). I said that I had no hard feeling towards him and that I’m still happy to speak to him and the others and say hi when I see them around, I just didn’t want to hang out with them anymore. He said there were no hard feelings from his side either and that I would be welcome to join the Whatsapp group again if when I was ready. He said that he has left groups in the past that were not right for him, so he understood. I’m honestly not sure what to think about Carl. He’s always been very friendly with me, but on the other hand has still gone along with the others in excluding me, without saying anything.
I was done with being a friend just when it was convenient to them. People don’t just exclude people for no reason. Even without any other information or things that have happened before, or to protect me from getting upset at Robin having a boyfriend, to purposely exclude someone you claim is your friend, without telling them, is a vile and horrible thing to do. I just wish they had been honest with me so that I knew what I could repair or change about myself that made me so unlikeable to them. It’s clear that the level of friendship I held the others in the group in was not the same as they held mine in. Even when taking into account that I may be overthinking things, my friends shouldn’t be making me feel the way I did. Likewise, they shouldn’t be ignorant to how their friend may feel because of what they say or do. Friendships work both ways and I feel this wasn’t happening here. I don’t feel comfortable trusting any of them again, because I think I’ll just get hurt again. I’ve opened-up about a lot of personal things with them in the past and honestly I really regret it now.
I’m so done with putting in all the effort to be friends with them, support them when they needed it, when it all feels one-sided. I am done being made to feel like I’m hated and that I’m a creep and that I’m just an expendable person. Even if it wasn’t intentional, there was no consideration to how their actions would impact me. I know I’m not the main character in other peoples’ lives. People all have their own personal things that they are dealing with and carrying around on a daily basis. However, I believe that you should at the very least think how what you do might upset people if they are truly your friends.
There seems to be some double standards going on here as well. Why was it okay for Robin to spend lots of time alone with Carl, even though she was single, clearly had romantic feelings for him and that he had a partner, but I wasn’t allowed to do the same as it would make Jack uncomfortable? I think there some insecurity in the relationship between him and Robin, but I understand that can be completely normal in the early stages of a relationship. It just saddens me that I am not seen as trustworthy enough to be alone with Robin, even though, as of writing this, Robin says that Jack still isn’t aware of my past feelings for Robin. Those feeling were long since gone before I knew for certain that I was being excluded. Perhaps I should not have trusted Robin after how she treated Sam, but is now best friends with her.
Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated. Am I just being pathetic and am actually in the wrong here? What do I do now? Do I do anything at all?
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I was good friends with a work colleague, I’ll call her Robin. We were (and still are) pastoral support staff in a large sixth form college. We’re part of quite a big team and each look after a caseload of students. Being about the same age, me and this colleague naturally spent time together on breaks at work, which usually involved going out for walks or just chatting in our office, which we shared with three other members of staff, all older women. I got on well with everyone in the team, but just wasn’t as close friends with them. Me and Robin chatted a lot and joked both in person and by messages on Whatsapp. I felt comfortable sharing lots of personal things with her, such as my poor mental health and at points I was worried I’d scare her off with how much I had said, but it never did. She opened up a bit about her own mental health as well, though now I realise to nowhere near the same extent. Looking back, she was not as comfortable sharing personal details as she was with her other friends. I’m not sure why I didn’t notice this at the time, was I too self-centred, or just subconsciously focusing only on the things she did tell me?
When Robin was struggling or upset, I always made an effort to go and help or comfort her. At one time she wrote on our office’s group Whatsapp chat that she had gone to our college’s wellbeing room as she was really upset. I immediately dropped what I was doing and headed over to sit with her. Of course, I checked if she wanted me there, but she was happy that she had some company. It’s easy for me to say this as I’m writing now, but at this point I had no actual romantic feelings for her, she was just a mate. She referred to me in messages as ‘mate’ a few times, so it was clear she wasn’t interested in anything other than friendship, which was absolutely fair enough.
This went on for most of the year and at the start of the next academic year, we were in different offices. Our workplace moves the team round every year for various reasons including to get us to build better working relationships with other members of the team. My new office had two people besides myself, one an older woman and the other a new colleague, who I’ll call Sam, also about my age, who had moved departments in the college and was just starting out in our role. She had been placed in my office so that we could support her in getting used to the job.
Robin and Sam already knew each other as before Robin started the pastoral role, she worked in Sam’s department. Robin warned me to “watch my back” with Sam. Robin was never specific with what happened, just that Sam had been a bully towards her. As Robin was my friend, I took her word for it.
A while later, I was called into my manager’s office and asked if Sam was always working on what she should have been. I told her that as far as I knew she was, though I never really looked too much at what she was working on as I was busy with my own stuff. I knew that in fact, Sam was working when she could on her assignments for the part-time degree she was completing. I didn’t want to throw her under the bus for this, though. We all have times where we aren’t completely focused on our work when we should be. Robin told me afterwards it was her who had reported Sam for doing her degree work. She apologised for not giving me a heads-up before I was called into the meeting with my manager.
Sam had a discussion with one of the assistant principals where she was told off. As Robin was my mate, I promised her that I wouldn’t tell Sam or anyone else at all that she had made the report. This was tricky as our other colleagues were commenting things like “who would do that to a colleague? We’re supposed to be a team”. Robin even told me at one point afterwards that she felt like a “bitch” for doing it. I told her then that she did the right thing and that I understood her frustration at another team member not working when she worked so hard herself. Looking back, this was an awful thing for me to do and I feel really bad about it.
After a while of working in the office with Sam, I got to know her. She wasn’t anything like Robin had told me. In fact, she was an absolutely lovely person, kind, funny and although she had a reputation for being the loud, chatty and boisterous one in the group, this was a bit of a façade and she actually had some real confidence issues, as well as some mental health issues, though she never said exactly what. I slowly began to regret taking Robin’s word about Sam and for not judging her by my own experiences. Me and Sam became quite close friends. I feel it’s important to note that Sam was married and was not at all my type for a romantic partner, but we became good friends. Perhaps surprisingly, Robin and Sam became very close friends at the same time. I felt comfortable sharing some quite personal things with Sam, including some issues I was having with my mental health.
As I was single, Sam made it her mission to get me a girlfriend, which I was a bit reluctant towards at first and not convinced anything would actually succeed. Sam was very interested in gossip and good at getting secrets out of people, so she eventually found out that I had developed feelings for Robin. My feelings had appeared at some point early in the academic year that I moved into the office with Sam. I knew that me and Robin would never work. Though we were good friends, we were too different. I was perfectly happy being just mates, but the feelings were still there. Very much a heart versus head situation.
Me and a few colleagues went on a night out to a few bars and a nightclub. We all got drunk and at one point in the evening I took Robin aside and told her that I liked her. I know it’s easy to blame the alcohol but I don’t think I would have said it otherwise. I knew we would never work, so what was the point in risking damaging our friendship? I didn’t remember her reaction at the time due to the alcohol.
The next day, I really regretted my decision to tell her this. For the next few days, I was really awkward around her. I tried to subtly ask if she remembered me saying anything to her that night, but she said she didn’t. I also tried asking another one of our work friends, Bethany, as well as Sam, both of whom were on the night out. I was good friends with Bethany and had been open to her about my feelings for Robin. Sam said that Robin really couldn’t remember much, as she was so drunk at the time. Bethany, however, said that Robin had told her that she thought I had “told me he liked me”, but that she wasn’t certain due to being drunk and having a patchy memory of the evening. During this conversation with Bethany, she advised I come clean as it was the right thing to do. I agreed and the same evening I wrote a message saying that I had said those things and that although I didn’t expect anything to happen as a result, I would understand if she wanted to distance from me. Robin replied after about half an hour, which I can tell you felt like an eternity.
The response was lovely, thanking me for my honesty and saying that she would never want to distance from me. “First of all, there is absolutely nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t upset me or offend me in any way. I honestly couldn’t remember if something was actually said or not. Secondly, I know that you’re such a kind and genuine person that I would never think you’re friends with me because you were simply trying to get into a relationship with me. I value you so much. This doesn’t make me annoyed in anyway at all. You haven’t damaged our friendship at all”. I replied “Thank you for that. You are really too kind-hearted for your own good”. She replied with “No need to say thank you. Thank you for telling me the truth and being honest. I really appreciate it. I would never want to distance from you”.
This made me feel much better. A few days later at the weekend we had arranged to go out as a group with colleagues. Me and another colleague, Carl, were the only two guys going and he ended up dropping out last minute. I got a Whatsapp message from Robin apologising and asking if it was okay for me to not go as well, as it was originally meant to be a girly night out anyway before inviting me and Carl. I told her that was absolutely fine with that and that there was no need to apologise and that I hoped they enjoy the evening. I was fine with this at the time, though there was naturally the worry that I was being uninvited due to Robin now knowing I had feeling for her.
However, when I told some of my non-work friends that I had been asked not to go, they immediately thought this was absolutely horrible of them towards me, regardless of if I was the only guy going with the group. I’ve told a few more people about this (as well as that I had admitted my feelings to Robin) since then and everyone has had the same reaction. At first, I tried defending my colleagues (as I genuinely would have preferred not to not go at the time), but I came to consider that my friends were right and this wasn’t an acceptable way to treat a mate. As I’m writing this, I still don’t know how I feel about what they did. Was I just blind to it due to my feelings for Robin and preferred to only see the good things in her? Was I just deluded in the belief that my friends would never do something horrible towards me?
The weeks and months after that, I gradually came to feel as though I was being left out of the group of my work friends. It is important to note here that at some point during this time, Robin got a new boyfriend, Jack. Of course, this was absolutely fine and really gave me a good amount of closure on the situation and any feelings I had remaining for Robin. I understand that some of Robin’s avoidance of me may have been to protect me from being upset by this, though it really was not necessary.
There were lots of things that happened to cause me to feel excluded in these months, of which the following are a few examples. I would see Robin, Sam and Carl often go out for walks during their lunch breaks, without inviting me. On one occasion they invited me out with them after I saw them leaving, but this felt like they were only doing it because I had seen them. They would have messaged me or stopped by my office to see if I was free if they actually desired me to be there. Another time, I was asked when I was free during the school holidays and after I answered, the group specifically arranged a meet-up time that I couldn’t make. On another occasion, I was very excited to go to a musicals-themed quiz night hosted at our college, as I love musicals. I said I would be interested in going, if others in our group were, but no-one said they did. However, Robin told me the next day that they did go, but it was last minute so they didn’t have time to ask me. They could have sent a message or came to my office, so I don’t understand how this was a problem.
Whenever I asked to go on walks with people or arrange things outside of work, either in-person or on our Whatsapp group, my colleagues never seemed to be available. What I noticed when other colleagues asked the same things, was that people were either more available, or if they weren’t available, they would suggest another time. They didn’t do this when I asked. I eventually gave up asking. It was pretty humiliating to be repeatedly turned down on a groups chat.
The college held an event one evening, which involved a meal at the site. My colleagues were going, so I decided to go along as well. I had been the previous year to the event and had really enjoyed it. However, this one ended up really upsetting me. Before the meal, there was a talk in our lecture hall. I was the first of my colleagues to enter and saved them a row of seats towards the back of the room (near the entrance). However, all seven of my colleagues who were there walked straight past me. If it was one or two it might be possible that they just didn’t see me, but all seven of them? I highly doubt it. For the meal, I was the first of the group to arrive again to the room, so claimed a table. When the others arrived, they all sat on the table next to mine. They said to pull our two tables together so I could sit with them, which we did, but the seven of them crowded onto their own table, whilst I was sat on my own. The colleague sitting closest to my table also fully turned their back to me, so it felt as though they were excluding me and making it difficult for me to engage in conversations. Throughout the evening, I tried to chat with each of my colleagues, but every time was either met with a one-word answer, or a quick acknowledgement, then they would move on to speak with someone else on the table. It felt like they asked to pull the two tables together so it looked like they were making an effort, but everything else indicated they wanted nothing to do with me. Carl was the only one who actually engaged me in a conversation, as we waited in the line for food, though it was just me and him at this point (the others had got their food already and were back at the table).
There was the occasional time where I was invited to something, but with the feeling of being avoided on the vast majority of occasions, it very much felt like it was just out of pity or an excuse to say that the group made an effort to include me. One time, we went out for coffee after work. I was invited by Sam, but when I turned up, Robin and Carl both seemed very surprised to see me there. On another occasion, we went out for food. On this event, it was very clear that Robin had feelings for Carl. She was quite ‘touchy-feely’ with him and was taking selfies with him, but no-one else. I wasn’t the only one of us to notice. In Sam’s words, she was “all over him” and she actually had to tell Robin to back away from Carl a bit, as Carl was already in a long-term relationship. Was this actually just Robin sending a message to me that she wasn’t interested in me? Or I am just being too self-centred there? It was certainly very hard and quite upsetting for me to sit there with them, bearing in mind I still had feelings for Robin at this point.
The difficulties with all these is that, on their own, each one of the examples of being left out can just be explained as bad luck, bad timing, or a one-off. However, the fact that these things kept happening led me to believe that the group were actively excluding me. This went on for a few months. This led to my self-esteem and mental wellbeing being completely wrecked. I thought I was a terrible person, a waste of space, a creep and that people would be better-off without me. I won’t go into details but I got to a really low point. I ended up speaking with my GP, going onto anti-depression medication and attending counselling sessions. I know I should have communicated with my colleagues earlier, but could never bring myself to. I have severe social anxiety and do whatever I can to avoid conflict, even if that means suffering myself.
Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore. Not being able to focus on anything but the worry and the almost physical pain of the anxiety, every single day, was horrible. On the advice of another work colleague and a friend, both of whom I had been very open with, I decided to speak to Robin. I asked if we could have a quick chat alone and she said that was absolutely fine. I saw her at the end of one of her lessons. It was really tricky at first, I could feel my hands shaking with the nerves. I told her that I didn’t mean to sound accusing, even though it would probably sound like that and that whatever was said, I wouldn’t get upset and didn’t intend for her to be upset, all I was seeking with honesty and clarification. I bluntly asked if the group were avoiding me. Perhaps being naïve, I honestly expected her to be surprised and say she wasn’t aware of how they had been acting towards me and the impact it was having. However, she told me that they were avoiding me.
She went on to say that when they were about to go on a walk on a lunch break a while ago, Robin had asked Sam and Carl if they should ask if I would like to go, but Sam had said “would Jack not be uncomfortable with that?”. After that, they made a point of purposely not inviting me on walks. Robin also said that she was close with Sam and Carl and they sometimes discussed things like their partners, which she thought might upset me. I reassured her that it wouldn’t, but I told Robin that these reasons were all absolutely fine and that I completely understood and thanked her for her honesty. She said that she had intended to tell me sooner, but hadn’t got round to it (yeah right, a whole year and not finding the opportunity?). I didn’t say it at the time, but I would have really appreciated if they had just told me, instead of letting me think I was an awful person and that they hated me. I’m sure anyone would feel like that if their friends started excluding them.
As we left the room, Robin said that she would like to start using the college gym and I said that I use it after work that day. She said she’d really like to join me, which made me happy and feel as though she would like to perhaps make it up to me a bit by spending time with me to show she was comfortable around me. After I met with Robin, she messaged me thanking me for my honestly and I replied thanking her for her honesty as well. Unfortunately, later in the day Robin asked to speak with me on my own. She said she had told Jack that she was going to the gym with me that evening and he was really uncomfortable with it and asked her not to go. I said that I understood and that it was absolutely fine. I asked if she had told Jack about me and that I had had feelings for her in the past, but she said she hadn’t. She said she wasn’t sure if she would tell him. I told her that I wouldn’t say anything for or against doing this as it wasn’t my decision to make, it was their relationship and that shouldn’t be influenced by what I say, though I said that it was important that you are honest with and trust each other in a relationship. She asked if I would still come to badminton with the group on Monday (which we planned for the first time that week, it wasn’t a regular thing) I did go to it and found that it was quite fun, though I was wary the whole time of the others and how they were acting towards me, so could never truly relax. It seemed as though nothing was out of the ordinary and we got on fine.
The next day, we got a message on our group Whatsapp chat from David (another colleague) saying he was going to the gym that night if anyone would like to join him. Immediately, Robin said she would come and Sam as well. I was absolutely heartbroken by this. Even though David was in a relationship and Sam was coming as well, there was either no consideration of how I would feel seeing this, or it was even possible (though I honestly don’t think likely) that it was intentional in order to make me feel excluded again. Why was Robin fine with going with Dan, but not me? Why was Jack comfortable with Dan and not me? People can still have affairs in relationships, so I don’t understand why David was safe for Robin to be around but not me. Though Sam was there as well, she only stayed for about ten minutes when we played badminton together, so was unlikely to stay long. I felt that, despite what was said to me by Robin, they still hated me and regarded me as a creep.
This, for me, was the final straw. Taken with the fact that I had it now confirmed that the group were actively avoiding me by speaking to Robin, I decided that I needed a clean break from the group. I had been thinking of doing this for months, but hadn’t seriously considered doing it until now. For once I was going to put my own wellbeing and mental health first. I decided that I shouldn’t care what the others thought of me. So, I left the Whatsapp group. I waited until the Friday of that week after work, so that people wouldn’t immediately come and speak to me, when I really didn’t want to see anyone.
I didn’t block individual people, but I received no contact afterwards. As of writing this (just over two weeks after leaving the Whatsapp group), they’ve left me alone. Hopefully they got the message that I was not interested in the group, or perhaps they were relieved that I had removed myself, rather than them having to keep secretly excluding me. Maybe they thought I just needed space. Maybe they just didn’t care. Sometimes the trash takes itself out. Like trash is completely how they’ve made me feel and to be fair, they’re probably right. I’m fine with whatever. I worried about being confronted by them, either by message or in person, as I wasn’t sure what I would say. Would I just be blunt and perhaps upset them by telling them how I really felt? Or would it be best just to say I didn’t want to talk anymore? I’m still not sure what the best response would be if it came to that. Anyway, as of writing this now, none of them have spoken to me. I’m absolutely fine with that. I’ve felt a lot better, though I still wonder if I do need to speak with them to get full closure, but I think I’m happy where I am now. Perhaps some time will help.
The only contact I’ve had has been a brief chat with Carl. It was a fairly normal chat about films we had seen recently, but I told him that I had left the group (I believe only group admins get notified if a member leaves). I said that I had no hard feeling towards him and that I’m still happy to speak to him and the others and say hi when I see them around, I just didn’t want to hang out with them anymore. He said there were no hard feelings from his side either and that I would be welcome to join the Whatsapp group again if when I was ready. He said that he has left groups in the past that were not right for him, so he understood. I’m honestly not sure what to think about Carl. He’s always been very friendly with me, but on the other hand has still gone along with the others in excluding me, without saying anything.
I was done with being a friend just when it was convenient to them. People don’t just exclude people for no reason. Even without any other information or things that have happened before, or to protect me from getting upset at Robin having a boyfriend, to purposely exclude someone you claim is your friend, without telling them, is a vile and horrible thing to do. I just wish they had been honest with me so that I knew what I could repair or change about myself that made me so unlikeable to them. It’s clear that the level of friendship I held the others in the group in was not the same as they held mine in. Even when taking into account that I may be overthinking things, my friends shouldn’t be making me feel the way I did. Likewise, they shouldn’t be ignorant to how their friend may feel because of what they say or do. Friendships work both ways and I feel this wasn’t happening here. I don’t feel comfortable trusting any of them again, because I think I’ll just get hurt again. I’ve opened-up about a lot of personal things with them in the past and honestly I really regret it now.
I’m so done with putting in all the effort to be friends with them, support them when they needed it, when it all feels one-sided. I am done being made to feel like I’m hated and that I’m a creep and that I’m just an expendable person. Even if it wasn’t intentional, there was no consideration to how their actions would impact me. I know I’m not the main character in other peoples’ lives. People all have their own personal things that they are dealing with and carrying around on a daily basis. However, I believe that you should at the very least think how what you do might upset people if they are truly your friends.
There seems to be some double standards going on here as well. Why was it okay for Robin to spend lots of time alone with Carl, even though she was single, clearly had romantic feelings for him and that he had a partner, but I wasn’t allowed to do the same as it would make Jack uncomfortable? I think there some insecurity in the relationship between him and Robin, but I understand that can be completely normal in the early stages of a relationship. It just saddens me that I am not seen as trustworthy enough to be alone with Robin, even though, as of writing this, Robin says that Jack still isn’t aware of my past feelings for Robin. Those feeling were long since gone before I knew for certain that I was being excluded. Perhaps I should not have trusted Robin after how she treated Sam, but is now best friends with her.
Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated. Am I just being pathetic and am actually in the wrong here? What do I do now? Do I do anything at all?
2024.05.18 14:17 tomesandtea [Discussion] Leviathan Wakes by James S. A. Corey Chapters 34-40 (The Expanse Book #1)
Welcome to our fifth discussion of Leviathan Wakes. Hold onto your cool detective hats or your environment suits, because we finally get some answers to our mystery! This week, we will discuss Chapters 34-40. The Marginalia post is here. You can find the Schedule here.
The discussion questions are below. One note - this is a very popular book series and TV show, but please keep in mind that not everyone has read or watched already, so be mindful not to include anything that could be a hint or a spoiler! Please mark spoilers not related to this section of the book using the format > ! Spoiler text here !< (without any spaces between the characters themselves or between the characters and the first and last words).
Now brace yourselves: here comes the juice!
Chapter Summaries:
Chapter 34 - Miller: Detective Miller and the crew of the Roci board the hidden ship (the one that captured the crew of the Scopuli before destroying it), wearing environment suits because the ship has no atmosphere - someone left the doors open. They stick together at first as they move through the ship, discovering signs of a struggle, zombie vomit, and twelve torpedo tubes big enough to destroy capital ships like the Donnager or the Canterbury. Miller uses his detective skills to determine that everyone but Julie retreated to engineering. Once there, they discover a truly grisly sight: layers of human flesh and bones are sort of fused around the reactor, which has been shut down. Naomi and Holden gasp in shock and disgust, Miller turns on his cop brain to suppress emotion and view it as a crime scene, and Amos seems… calm and able to ignore the gore. The team splits up to look for more clues.
Amos stays in engineering to start up the computers and get the reactor back online. Naomi works on the ops deck to run diagnostics. Miller and Holden head to the bridge, which wasn’t affected by the fighting onboard. Miller reviews the internal feeds and finds footage showing the captured Scopuli crew being led onto the ship, stripped, and put in restraints. Julie fights back viciously but is knocked unconscious and stuffed in a locker with a jumpsuit (which is where we met her in the prologue). The crew is left in the galley for 132 hours before they decide to make a stand, but it is quickly suppressed. One of the crew is thrown out an airlock and the others are heavily restrained as they scream and cry. Just as Miller gets to the first appearance of a vomit zombie (at hour 160 of footage), Amos yells that he’s been exposed to some radiation because the human flesh blob had damaged the reactor shielding. He decides to keep working while Alex monitors his health status from the Roci.
Then Holden calls Miller over to view one of the last feeds Julie accessed. It’s a corporate presentation video created for a man named Dresden and the board of Protogen. It features a man Miller dubs “the sociopath” because of his cold, practiced smile…and because of the content. The sociopath tells the board (and us) the history of scientific discovery on Phoebe, which was thought to just be a moon and a source of water, but became a research station when a survey found complex silicon structures in the ice. Protogen was tasked with investigating and discovered that Phoebe is not a moon but evidence of a galactic biosphere: it is an alien weapon sent towards Earth 2 ⅓ billion years ago, which never made it because of orbital mechanics. Protogen has discovered that this weapon is not alive per se; rather, it is something they’ve termed the “protomolecule” which has the ability to maintain structure while replicating other systems and manipulating them at scalable rates. Of course, they alerted the proper authorities and made sure… just kidding, they’ve secretly been doing tests. The sociopath believes that whoever controls the protomolecule will gain control of all political and economic power going forward. Chillingly, the sociopath urges them to pursue large-scale testing to understand the protomolecule and its human applications. That large-scale testing is Eros.
TL;DR - Julie found evidence that Protogen (her dad’s company) has discovered an alien weapon, branded it the “protomolecule”, and secretly tested it on the people of Eros (and probably other smaller tests). The entire war has just been a distraction.
Chapter 35 - Holden: Naomi explains that most of the messages on the comm logs have been coded, but the last one is in plain text: the captain informed Thoth Station that the ship was contaminated, everyone was about to die, and the “materials” had been secured. He also planned to send vector data so they could find the ship. The Roci crew put two and alien-symbol-for-two together: they figure out that the captain has locked protomolecule samples in his safe. They also decide that the tightbeam messages were being sent to a secret research station Protogen was using to monitor the Eros experiment. Even though the fact “Naomi is the best” is a proven concept on par with “space is cold”, she is NOT able to open the captain’s safe, so they decide to cut it out of the wall and bring it with them on the Roci. They also scuttle the ship so no one can a) recover the stealth technology and alien weapons, or b) get exposed to the protomolecule-human soup inside. (Amos would have preferred to hack the frozen dead body goo off the reactor with a chainsaw and salvage such an impressive and expensive ship, which is… another way to go.)
It’s clear that someone else with stealth tech is searching actively for this ship, but the Roci won’t see them coming so they decide to get the hell out of Dodge. Naomi jokes that their options include turning the safe over to the OPA (they’d be heroes), selling out to Mars (they’d be rich), or starting their own biotech firm (just kidding, that’s evil). When Miller checks in with Holden about a decision on where to go next, he drops a figurative bomb on him regarding actual bombs in the news. Since Holden did his best Edward Snowden impersonation and leaked the data that the mystery ships are from Earth, Mars asked a few too many questions and in response, Earth has blown up a whole bunch of Martian ships and destroyed the Deimos deep radar station. Miller ruefully gives Holden credit for sticking to his guns about his belief in “free information”. He also points out that Holden’s principles make him responsible for all those deaths and the destruction of the Earth-Mars Coalition… and possibly the universe as they know it.
Chapter 36 - Miller: The war between Mars and the Belt seems like no big deal now that Earth and Mars are fighting. Miller watches the news feeds as the conflict turns into a blockade, and he realizes he is steeling himself for an announcement of a planetary attack on Earth or Mars, but it never comes. He and Amos deal with the stress by having beer for breakfast.
Miller meets up with Holden in the med bay for their routine blood flushes and cancer treatments, and they reopen their debate about what to do with the data files and who is to blame for the war(s).
Chapter 37 - Holden: The crew of the Roci is taking a break from doom scrolling to cook fake space lasagna for dinner and bond over the food and conversation. As Holden watches the crew laugh at Amos’s belches and Miller’s wild story about cheese smuggling, he reflects that they represent all three prongs of the conflict: Naomi and Miller are Belters, Amos and he are from Earth, and Alex is from Mars. Yet they’re friends, and Holden knows this is what they have to fight for. The cheese smuggling makes no sense to Amos (why cheese and not drugs?), and Naomi points out that this illustrates how little people from the inner planets understand Belters. Earthers have free air and easy access to resources, while Belters know everything that sustains life is rare and their access to it is fragile. And this is why Protogen didn’t blink an eye before killing 1.5 million Belters on Eros: they’re “other”. Then Alex points out that this doesn’t make sense; it's a risky and unnecessarily complicated way to kill people just to satisfy prejudices. It becomes clear that Eros isn’t a hate crime, it’s a vacuum-sealed test tube to let the protomolecule learn how to do its job better by giving it access to a huge amount of biomass. The early transformations looked incomplete, as if it didn’t know how to work with human flesh yet, so Protogen was giving it a chance to train. Holden wants to know where they would even find enough people who would support an evil operation like this, and Miller promises to ask Dresden (the Protogen board member mentioned in the video) when they meet him. Something tells me that conversation won’t go well.
As the Roci approaches Tycho station, Holden and Miller take in the view of the Nauvoo, the partially constructed Mormon generation ship. When Miller says the Mormans may be in for a long and lonely death if they don’t find a habitable planet, Holden notes that this is the good kind of galactic exploration humans can accomplish (the protomolecule being the bad kind). Miller then asks Holden why he trusts Fred, and Holden explains that in addition to being the only person who hasn’t tried to jail them or blow them up since all this began, Fred is “real OPA”: he’s a politician and not part of the war-mongering factions who think they can survive indefinitely without the inner planets. When Miller points out that there isn’t a political solution to Protogen, Holden insists Fred has other skills, too. Later, Fred reads through all the information on the protomolecule and is incredulous that anyone could think to do this. Miller assures him that genocide is an old-school crime and it’s important that they stop it. Holden offers up the location of the observation station in exchange for enough OPA fighters to take down Protogen, and the right to retain custody of the safe and its contents. Fred agrees only after Holden points out that no one else can be trusted to do the right thing with a secret this big. Plus, he says Fred already knows what Holden will do with it.
Chapter 38 - Miller: It feels strange to Miller to explore the wide open spaces of Tycho Station, the fanciest place he has ever set foot on. He notices Naomi working on her hand terminal and letting her food get cold; she is too preoccupied with trying to figure out the location of the station to enjoy the amenities. As they talk, Miller is reminded of Havelock’s advice to just let go when he got pulled off a case, which jogs his memory that Havelock actually works for Protogen! (I’m surprised he didn’t get there faster; maybe everyone had a point that he was sort of a washed up detective.) He rushes off to make contact with his old buddy - probably his last real partner ever - in an encrypted drop site of a Ganymede server cluster. As he waits for a response, Miller is amused to realize he has started thinking like Holden: he feels like someone should warn the Mormans that they could potentially run into the alien creators of the protomolecule who may want to kill them. Havelock comes through, passing along the coordinates to a “very scary deep research and development lab” and asking Miller tobe discreet never contact him again so he doesn’t get killed for betraying his employer. Miller sends him an encrypted warning to quit his job ASAP and not take postings at any black ops sites, before saying goodbye for the last time to the only person that still respected him as a cop. (I may or may not be sniffling a bit at this.)
Miller rounds up Naomi and Holden so they can bring Fred the coordinates. In Fred’s office, Miller starts lecturing him about the serious nature of the mission and the need to have a solid plan with adequate firepower, not the usual OPA shenanigans. Everyone’s a little confused until they realize that Miller doesn’t know that Fred is “the butcher of Anderson Station” and a former Colonel in the Earth Navy. Fred assures Miller he’s no amateur and will plan ahead. Miller then insists that he get to come along for the assault on Thoth Station. Eight days later, the plan is set in motion and Miller begins packing his meager belongings into a very small bag, figuring he’ll never see the Roci again. Even if he makes it off Thoth alive, he’ll have to figure out a way to make money and improvise a life plan of some sort. He tries to thank Holden and say goodbye, but the Roci’s captain interrupts Miller to ask where they’ll all meet up after the mission is complete. Miller is confused at first, then overcome with emotion when he realizes Holden considers Miller part of the crew! I’m not crying, you’re crying. Actually, it’s Miller who is weeping. But he pulls himself together so he can head to the assault ship.
Chapter 39 - Holden: The Rocinante needs to sneak up on Thoth Station, so they are pretending to be a loose cargo container that broke off the Guy Molinari (the Belter ship carrying the assault team, which is pretending to be a cargo ship). They fly with everything shut down so that it’s more convincing, hoping they can get close enough to the station to do some damage before Thoth starts firing back. As they approach and are able to reboot everything needed for battle, a stealth ship is spied hanging out near Thoth Station. Then, suddenly it becomes clear that there are two small stealth ships, which will be much harder to fight off. Everyone does their jobs efficiently on the Roci, but in the ensuing battle with the stealth ships, they start to take some damage. First, the Roci is hit by a gauss cannon that goes straight through the machine shop and galley. Holden mourns his coffee maker. Amos notices a leak in the maneuvering thrusters and heads to fix it between the inner and outer hulls, which isn’t an ideal place to be floating around during a battle. This stresses Naomi out, but Holden orders everyone to stay focused. They are able to take out one of the stealth ships, but the other gets close enough to do some impressive damage to the Roci. There is major hull damage as well as loss of four maneuvering thrusters, a PDC, their O2 storage, and the crew airlock. Alex is about to destroy the second stealth ship when the Roci’s point defense cannons (PDCs) detonate an enemy warhead up close. It knocks everyone out, punches holes throughout the Roci (narrowly missing Naomi), dislodges equipment, and fills the ship with debris. Holden marvels that they are alive at all, and Alex points out that is only because the ship’s anti-spalling webbing eliminates shrapnel. They make contact with Fred, who says he’ll find them a place to land, and the Guy Molinari prepares for the assault on Thoth Station. It’s Miller’s turn to shine!
Chapter 40 - Miller: On the Guy Molinari, Miller is talking to a Belter kid named Diogo as they wait for the assault to start. Miller realizes that while he has fancy Martian armor from the Roci and experience with gunfights in station corridors, he is surrounded by inexperienced young Belters with borrowed gear, and he will likely have to watch dozens of them die during the battle. But Diogo isn’t worried; he is confident and eager to get started. Fred announces that they are ready to start boarding since the Roci gave them the “all clear”, and Miller is happy to hear his friends have survived. The assault on the station starts off rough, with Protogen soldiers fighting them in the corridors and automatic defense lasers taking out some of the Belters in the first wave. But Fred knows how to command his OPA “troops” and keep them in line, and things start to go more smoothly as they slow down and maneuver carefully. Miller and Diogo are part of a group taking shelter at Fred’s direction and fending off Protogen counterattacks, and they start to talk during a lull. When two Protogen soldiers sneak up on them from behind, Diogo is hit and Miller chastises himself for chatting during a battle and not staying alert. He thinks Diogo is dead, but he pops up laughing and streaked with white goo from crowd suppression rounds, which Miller finds an odd choice of weapon. It’s the first sign that Thoth Station may not totally understand what’s happening. The OPA soldiers cut their way through the blast doors to get to the operations center, where they find Dresden (the dude mentioned in the sociopath’s Protogen video). Fred arrives to take command of the station, and Dresden offers to negotiate, clearly misunderstanding the reason for the assault. He offers to give the OPA whatever resources they need to go back to fighting their war (money, medical supplies, weapons, ordnance) if they’ll just leave and let the station get back to their very important work. Fred points out that they know about Eros, but Dresden insists no one knows what they did there, and there won’t be a better bargaining position for Fred when Earth sends its battleships. Fred basically calls Dresden Satan, but Dresden doesn’t understand the reference.
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The discussion questions are below. One note - this is a very popular book series and TV show, but please keep in mind that not everyone has read or watched already, so be mindful not to include anything that could be a hint or a spoiler! Please mark spoilers not related to this section of the book using the format > ! Spoiler text here !< (without any spaces between the characters themselves or between the characters and the first and last words).
Now brace yourselves: here comes the juice!
Chapter Summaries:
Chapter 34 - Miller: Detective Miller and the crew of the Roci board the hidden ship (the one that captured the crew of the Scopuli before destroying it), wearing environment suits because the ship has no atmosphere - someone left the doors open. They stick together at first as they move through the ship, discovering signs of a struggle, zombie vomit, and twelve torpedo tubes big enough to destroy capital ships like the Donnager or the Canterbury. Miller uses his detective skills to determine that everyone but Julie retreated to engineering. Once there, they discover a truly grisly sight: layers of human flesh and bones are sort of fused around the reactor, which has been shut down. Naomi and Holden gasp in shock and disgust, Miller turns on his cop brain to suppress emotion and view it as a crime scene, and Amos seems… calm and able to ignore the gore. The team splits up to look for more clues.
Amos stays in engineering to start up the computers and get the reactor back online. Naomi works on the ops deck to run diagnostics. Miller and Holden head to the bridge, which wasn’t affected by the fighting onboard. Miller reviews the internal feeds and finds footage showing the captured Scopuli crew being led onto the ship, stripped, and put in restraints. Julie fights back viciously but is knocked unconscious and stuffed in a locker with a jumpsuit (which is where we met her in the prologue). The crew is left in the galley for 132 hours before they decide to make a stand, but it is quickly suppressed. One of the crew is thrown out an airlock and the others are heavily restrained as they scream and cry. Just as Miller gets to the first appearance of a vomit zombie (at hour 160 of footage), Amos yells that he’s been exposed to some radiation because the human flesh blob had damaged the reactor shielding. He decides to keep working while Alex monitors his health status from the Roci.
Then Holden calls Miller over to view one of the last feeds Julie accessed. It’s a corporate presentation video created for a man named Dresden and the board of Protogen. It features a man Miller dubs “the sociopath” because of his cold, practiced smile…and because of the content. The sociopath tells the board (and us) the history of scientific discovery on Phoebe, which was thought to just be a moon and a source of water, but became a research station when a survey found complex silicon structures in the ice. Protogen was tasked with investigating and discovered that Phoebe is not a moon but evidence of a galactic biosphere: it is an alien weapon sent towards Earth 2 ⅓ billion years ago, which never made it because of orbital mechanics. Protogen has discovered that this weapon is not alive per se; rather, it is something they’ve termed the “protomolecule” which has the ability to maintain structure while replicating other systems and manipulating them at scalable rates. Of course, they alerted the proper authorities and made sure… just kidding, they’ve secretly been doing tests. The sociopath believes that whoever controls the protomolecule will gain control of all political and economic power going forward. Chillingly, the sociopath urges them to pursue large-scale testing to understand the protomolecule and its human applications. That large-scale testing is Eros.
TL;DR - Julie found evidence that Protogen (her dad’s company) has discovered an alien weapon, branded it the “protomolecule”, and secretly tested it on the people of Eros (and probably other smaller tests). The entire war has just been a distraction.
Chapter 35 - Holden: Naomi explains that most of the messages on the comm logs have been coded, but the last one is in plain text: the captain informed Thoth Station that the ship was contaminated, everyone was about to die, and the “materials” had been secured. He also planned to send vector data so they could find the ship. The Roci crew put two and alien-symbol-for-two together: they figure out that the captain has locked protomolecule samples in his safe. They also decide that the tightbeam messages were being sent to a secret research station Protogen was using to monitor the Eros experiment. Even though the fact “Naomi is the best” is a proven concept on par with “space is cold”, she is NOT able to open the captain’s safe, so they decide to cut it out of the wall and bring it with them on the Roci. They also scuttle the ship so no one can a) recover the stealth technology and alien weapons, or b) get exposed to the protomolecule-human soup inside. (Amos would have preferred to hack the frozen dead body goo off the reactor with a chainsaw and salvage such an impressive and expensive ship, which is… another way to go.)
It’s clear that someone else with stealth tech is searching actively for this ship, but the Roci won’t see them coming so they decide to get the hell out of Dodge. Naomi jokes that their options include turning the safe over to the OPA (they’d be heroes), selling out to Mars (they’d be rich), or starting their own biotech firm (just kidding, that’s evil). When Miller checks in with Holden about a decision on where to go next, he drops a figurative bomb on him regarding actual bombs in the news. Since Holden did his best Edward Snowden impersonation and leaked the data that the mystery ships are from Earth, Mars asked a few too many questions and in response, Earth has blown up a whole bunch of Martian ships and destroyed the Deimos deep radar station. Miller ruefully gives Holden credit for sticking to his guns about his belief in “free information”. He also points out that Holden’s principles make him responsible for all those deaths and the destruction of the Earth-Mars Coalition… and possibly the universe as they know it.
Chapter 36 - Miller: The war between Mars and the Belt seems like no big deal now that Earth and Mars are fighting. Miller watches the news feeds as the conflict turns into a blockade, and he realizes he is steeling himself for an announcement of a planetary attack on Earth or Mars, but it never comes. He and Amos deal with the stress by having beer for breakfast.
Miller meets up with Holden in the med bay for their routine blood flushes and cancer treatments, and they reopen their debate about what to do with the data files and who is to blame for the war(s).
- Holden’s position: Broadcast everything to everyone! (I know, I know, so out of character, right?) People will understand that they’ve been set up and will turn their wrath on Protogen instead of each other. Also, these are ancient conflicts. The Belt has always hated Mars and the inner planets in general. Mars and Earth have always had animosities secretly brewing and they do military training for the inevitable showdown. Or as Miller puts it, “Not my powder keg; I just brought the match.”
- Miller’s position: Stop and consider what people will do if they hear an Earth company did this. Every other data leak has been used as an excuse to shoot at someone the other side doesn’t like. Also, people suck. They aren’t going to hold hands and sing Kumbaya just because Protogen is the bad guy. They’ll move on to shooting each other so they can be the ones to control the protomolecule. Or as Holden puts it, “Maybe Protogen is a little right. People are too dumb to be trusted with big information so we should keep hard, scary stuff a big secret. That’ll totally work out.”
Chapter 37 - Holden: The crew of the Roci is taking a break from doom scrolling to cook fake space lasagna for dinner and bond over the food and conversation. As Holden watches the crew laugh at Amos’s belches and Miller’s wild story about cheese smuggling, he reflects that they represent all three prongs of the conflict: Naomi and Miller are Belters, Amos and he are from Earth, and Alex is from Mars. Yet they’re friends, and Holden knows this is what they have to fight for. The cheese smuggling makes no sense to Amos (why cheese and not drugs?), and Naomi points out that this illustrates how little people from the inner planets understand Belters. Earthers have free air and easy access to resources, while Belters know everything that sustains life is rare and their access to it is fragile. And this is why Protogen didn’t blink an eye before killing 1.5 million Belters on Eros: they’re “other”. Then Alex points out that this doesn’t make sense; it's a risky and unnecessarily complicated way to kill people just to satisfy prejudices. It becomes clear that Eros isn’t a hate crime, it’s a vacuum-sealed test tube to let the protomolecule learn how to do its job better by giving it access to a huge amount of biomass. The early transformations looked incomplete, as if it didn’t know how to work with human flesh yet, so Protogen was giving it a chance to train. Holden wants to know where they would even find enough people who would support an evil operation like this, and Miller promises to ask Dresden (the Protogen board member mentioned in the video) when they meet him. Something tells me that conversation won’t go well.
As the Roci approaches Tycho station, Holden and Miller take in the view of the Nauvoo, the partially constructed Mormon generation ship. When Miller says the Mormans may be in for a long and lonely death if they don’t find a habitable planet, Holden notes that this is the good kind of galactic exploration humans can accomplish (the protomolecule being the bad kind). Miller then asks Holden why he trusts Fred, and Holden explains that in addition to being the only person who hasn’t tried to jail them or blow them up since all this began, Fred is “real OPA”: he’s a politician and not part of the war-mongering factions who think they can survive indefinitely without the inner planets. When Miller points out that there isn’t a political solution to Protogen, Holden insists Fred has other skills, too. Later, Fred reads through all the information on the protomolecule and is incredulous that anyone could think to do this. Miller assures him that genocide is an old-school crime and it’s important that they stop it. Holden offers up the location of the observation station in exchange for enough OPA fighters to take down Protogen, and the right to retain custody of the safe and its contents. Fred agrees only after Holden points out that no one else can be trusted to do the right thing with a secret this big. Plus, he says Fred already knows what Holden will do with it.
Chapter 38 - Miller: It feels strange to Miller to explore the wide open spaces of Tycho Station, the fanciest place he has ever set foot on. He notices Naomi working on her hand terminal and letting her food get cold; she is too preoccupied with trying to figure out the location of the station to enjoy the amenities. As they talk, Miller is reminded of Havelock’s advice to just let go when he got pulled off a case, which jogs his memory that Havelock actually works for Protogen! (I’m surprised he didn’t get there faster; maybe everyone had a point that he was sort of a washed up detective.) He rushes off to make contact with his old buddy - probably his last real partner ever - in an encrypted drop site of a Ganymede server cluster. As he waits for a response, Miller is amused to realize he has started thinking like Holden: he feels like someone should warn the Mormans that they could potentially run into the alien creators of the protomolecule who may want to kill them. Havelock comes through, passing along the coordinates to a “very scary deep research and development lab” and asking Miller to
Miller rounds up Naomi and Holden so they can bring Fred the coordinates. In Fred’s office, Miller starts lecturing him about the serious nature of the mission and the need to have a solid plan with adequate firepower, not the usual OPA shenanigans. Everyone’s a little confused until they realize that Miller doesn’t know that Fred is “the butcher of Anderson Station” and a former Colonel in the Earth Navy. Fred assures Miller he’s no amateur and will plan ahead. Miller then insists that he get to come along for the assault on Thoth Station. Eight days later, the plan is set in motion and Miller begins packing his meager belongings into a very small bag, figuring he’ll never see the Roci again. Even if he makes it off Thoth alive, he’ll have to figure out a way to make money and improvise a life plan of some sort. He tries to thank Holden and say goodbye, but the Roci’s captain interrupts Miller to ask where they’ll all meet up after the mission is complete. Miller is confused at first, then overcome with emotion when he realizes Holden considers Miller part of the crew! I’m not crying, you’re crying. Actually, it’s Miller who is weeping. But he pulls himself together so he can head to the assault ship.
Chapter 39 - Holden: The Rocinante needs to sneak up on Thoth Station, so they are pretending to be a loose cargo container that broke off the Guy Molinari (the Belter ship carrying the assault team, which is pretending to be a cargo ship). They fly with everything shut down so that it’s more convincing, hoping they can get close enough to the station to do some damage before Thoth starts firing back. As they approach and are able to reboot everything needed for battle, a stealth ship is spied hanging out near Thoth Station. Then, suddenly it becomes clear that there are two small stealth ships, which will be much harder to fight off. Everyone does their jobs efficiently on the Roci, but in the ensuing battle with the stealth ships, they start to take some damage. First, the Roci is hit by a gauss cannon that goes straight through the machine shop and galley. Holden mourns his coffee maker. Amos notices a leak in the maneuvering thrusters and heads to fix it between the inner and outer hulls, which isn’t an ideal place to be floating around during a battle. This stresses Naomi out, but Holden orders everyone to stay focused. They are able to take out one of the stealth ships, but the other gets close enough to do some impressive damage to the Roci. There is major hull damage as well as loss of four maneuvering thrusters, a PDC, their O2 storage, and the crew airlock. Alex is about to destroy the second stealth ship when the Roci’s point defense cannons (PDCs) detonate an enemy warhead up close. It knocks everyone out, punches holes throughout the Roci (narrowly missing Naomi), dislodges equipment, and fills the ship with debris. Holden marvels that they are alive at all, and Alex points out that is only because the ship’s anti-spalling webbing eliminates shrapnel. They make contact with Fred, who says he’ll find them a place to land, and the Guy Molinari prepares for the assault on Thoth Station. It’s Miller’s turn to shine!
Chapter 40 - Miller: On the Guy Molinari, Miller is talking to a Belter kid named Diogo as they wait for the assault to start. Miller realizes that while he has fancy Martian armor from the Roci and experience with gunfights in station corridors, he is surrounded by inexperienced young Belters with borrowed gear, and he will likely have to watch dozens of them die during the battle. But Diogo isn’t worried; he is confident and eager to get started. Fred announces that they are ready to start boarding since the Roci gave them the “all clear”, and Miller is happy to hear his friends have survived. The assault on the station starts off rough, with Protogen soldiers fighting them in the corridors and automatic defense lasers taking out some of the Belters in the first wave. But Fred knows how to command his OPA “troops” and keep them in line, and things start to go more smoothly as they slow down and maneuver carefully. Miller and Diogo are part of a group taking shelter at Fred’s direction and fending off Protogen counterattacks, and they start to talk during a lull. When two Protogen soldiers sneak up on them from behind, Diogo is hit and Miller chastises himself for chatting during a battle and not staying alert. He thinks Diogo is dead, but he pops up laughing and streaked with white goo from crowd suppression rounds, which Miller finds an odd choice of weapon. It’s the first sign that Thoth Station may not totally understand what’s happening. The OPA soldiers cut their way through the blast doors to get to the operations center, where they find Dresden (the dude mentioned in the sociopath’s Protogen video). Fred arrives to take command of the station, and Dresden offers to negotiate, clearly misunderstanding the reason for the assault. He offers to give the OPA whatever resources they need to go back to fighting their war (money, medical supplies, weapons, ordnance) if they’ll just leave and let the station get back to their very important work. Fred points out that they know about Eros, but Dresden insists no one knows what they did there, and there won’t be a better bargaining position for Fred when Earth sends its battleships. Fred basically calls Dresden Satan, but Dresden doesn’t understand the reference.
2024.05.18 14:14 SnarkSystems Fulgrim & Reflection Crack'd
TL;DR: Fulgrim's soul being hollowed out for the daemon in the Laer Blade. Snake Fulgrim is still Fulgrim.
Often when I see discussions on Fulgrim and Reflection Crack'd, it feels like the people who like one despise the other, mostly over the fate of Fulgrim. I'm currently up to Book 20 in the Horus heresy series with the anthology containing Reflection Crack'd and I'm a little confused over the disparaging reactions that I've seen to these books. I'd like to think that the events of the two books can be considered consistent over his fate assuming the rule of "everything is canon, not everything is true", combined with a theory which can be rationalised in part based on a few other tidbits of lore from outside the series itself. I would like to clarify and apologise beforehand though, as I've not read any EC content as of yet outside of the Horus Humbug, and cannot provide excerpts.
So the question I'd like to ask is exactly WHY we believe that the Fulgrim at the end of Reflection Crack'd is still the same Fulgrim, because I reckon the answer is mixed, not quite on either side. What if Fulgrim were not possessed by the daemon, but his soul carved up and diluted/ replaced in part with the Daemon. I have a few ideas I'd like to share as to why/ how this is:
I want to be clear, this theory is not to diminish the fate of Fulgrim, the flaws of his which lead him there, or what Fulgrim is the "real" Fulgrim. The idea behind this is that snake Fulgrim is still the principal Fulgrim, and that the involvement of the Daemon is more similar to the fate of Lotara's ghost. The difference is that he wasn't forced out from behind the wheel, he gave up control willingly in the selfish desire for oblivion. This theory is a means of connecting the two images people have of Fulgrim from between the two books and how one might explain why he "willingly" fell to Slaanesh after all he was put through in Fulgrim (book). He did do so willingly, it is just that after submission to Slaanesh and the Daemon, not all of him was needed.
Other reaches for evidence/ ideas:
submitted by SnarkSystems to 40kLore [link] [comments]
Often when I see discussions on Fulgrim and Reflection Crack'd, it feels like the people who like one despise the other, mostly over the fate of Fulgrim. I'm currently up to Book 20 in the Horus heresy series with the anthology containing Reflection Crack'd and I'm a little confused over the disparaging reactions that I've seen to these books. I'd like to think that the events of the two books can be considered consistent over his fate assuming the rule of "everything is canon, not everything is true", combined with a theory which can be rationalised in part based on a few other tidbits of lore from outside the series itself. I would like to clarify and apologise beforehand though, as I've not read any EC content as of yet outside of the Horus Humbug, and cannot provide excerpts.
So the question I'd like to ask is exactly WHY we believe that the Fulgrim at the end of Reflection Crack'd is still the same Fulgrim, because I reckon the answer is mixed, not quite on either side. What if Fulgrim were not possessed by the daemon, but his soul carved up and diluted/ replaced in part with the Daemon. I have a few ideas I'd like to share as to why/ how this is:
- Ending of Fulgrim (book)
- When Fulgrim gives himself over to the Daemon at the end of Fulgrim, I believe that his soul was also conceded to the Daemon (they may have said this, but can't find the excerpt) and I believe this is what is referred to by the transformation. The corruption of Fulgrim up until this point involves the Daemon imitating Fulgrim in his own head, and I do not believe there is a reason to assume that the Daemon would simply stay out of his soul when fully in control, he is able to actively move Fulgrim's soul in Reflection Crack'd, it assumes some degree of control over Fulgrim's soul.
- Transformation in Reflection Crack'd
- The transformation referred to throughout Reflection Crack'd is where I believe we see the Daemon carving up Fulgrim's soul, replacing Fulgrim's soul in part with himself. We hear descriptions of what is happening to Fulgrim's body through Fabius, yet despite "excising" and having reassumed control long before supposedly, he is still "transforming". At the end Fulgrim even confirms that he had completed his transformation. You could argue that turning part Daemon would've made Fulgrim into a possessed or daemon prince at that stage, but rather than Fulgrim turning into a daemon, what I'm suggesting is the opposite. The Daemon turned into him. We do not know at what stage the Daemon Fulgrim is in charge or not, but I believe at the time of the Ferrus visions in the crystal forest, the reaction of the Daemon is a giveaway, as it is taking on his traits and feelings.
- Presumed honesty of Fulgrim in the final scene
- When Fulgrim is talking with his legion at the end seems to be the basis for the assumption that it is Fulgrim at this point without the Daemon who is in charge and willingly or otherwise fully corrupted. I would argue that Fulgrim here, or whatever he is, is an extremely unreliable source of information as some of the things he says regarding not being particularly moved over the death of Ferrus is a lie. We can base this off of the moment itself where he gives into the Daemon, and post-heresy where we hear about the repeated cloning of Ferrus, he was affected and feels guilt. With this clear contradiction, it seems odd to trust the sincerity of Fulgrim there on being able to regain control of his body when any sort of Daemon corrupted version of him would have no incentive at all to be honest about that. So in the same speech, we know he was both lying and had no reason, to be honest.
- The Observations of Lucius
- We do not know when Lucius looked into the painting the first time, just how much of Fulgrims soul was in there, just that he knew that what was in there was surely "Fulgrim" based on his own suspicions. Later on at the end, he looks at the painting, he believes he sees the enmity of an eternal soul trapped in the painting and relishes in the idea of such a creature being trapped. But we do not know whether or not he is correct here, we just assume he is. It could be the final piece of Fulgrim which had been carved out to make room for the Daemon, it could be the Daemon, it could be Fulgrim in his entirety. He was already wrong at least once or twice, when he first observed the painting (which could've been any of the three above suggestions) and when he tortured Fulgrim, where he asserts that Fulgrim is the daemon when Fulgrim otherwise (seemingly correctly) claims to be himself.
- Clonegrim
- I know, I know this one is a dead horse commonly discussed about primarch returns and all that. I wish to clarify that I intend to get around to the clonelord series and that I am not arguing for some loyalist Fulgrim clone or whatnot returning. What I am here to argue is the idea that this clone has the primarch aura effect because he in fact has part of Fulgrim's soul. That this was, as claimed in clonelord, a true clone of Fulgrim and that this Fulgrim had at least in part a piece of Fulgrim's soul. The soul of a primarch which is supposed to cause the primarch aura effect, and is of more consequence than their bodies, it is that which gives them real power. Something is in that clone, I would argue its the tossed-aside part of Fulgrim, the seed pit of his soul as it were that was replaced to make room for the Daemon.
I want to be clear, this theory is not to diminish the fate of Fulgrim, the flaws of his which lead him there, or what Fulgrim is the "real" Fulgrim. The idea behind this is that snake Fulgrim is still the principal Fulgrim, and that the involvement of the Daemon is more similar to the fate of Lotara's ghost. The difference is that he wasn't forced out from behind the wheel, he gave up control willingly in the selfish desire for oblivion. This theory is a means of connecting the two images people have of Fulgrim from between the two books and how one might explain why he "willingly" fell to Slaanesh after all he was put through in Fulgrim (book). He did do so willingly, it is just that after submission to Slaanesh and the Daemon, not all of him was needed.
Other reaches for evidence/ ideas:
- The Daemon in the Laer Blade has yet to be named (as far as I'm aware). This could be intentional as the Daemon had yet to reach the point of WHO it was supposed to be until it got its mitts on Fulgrims dangly soul bits. Or it is just unimportant.
- Comments from the Author of Fulgrim which discuss the belief that Fulgrim's "angel" would have won out in the end without the influence of the Laer Blade. The idea being twofold in that the "devil" side as it were was already present in Fulgrim (figuratively speaking) and was what the Daemon exploited. Perhaps the angel bit could be extrapolated as a bit of less useful Fulgrim soul that a daemon could replace, though I'm not claiming the authors intent on that second point.
2024.05.18 14:14 MallAffectionate9 Ser Marq Grafton, Heir to Gulltown & Lord Mathos Grafton, Lord of Gulltown
Reddit Account: MallAffectionate9
Discord Tag: m.ro
Name and House: Marq Grafton.
Age: 32.
Cultural Group: Valeman Andal.
Appearance: Taller than a Grafton has any right to be at six-foot-four, wide of shoulder and hard with muscle. Blonde and fair-skinned, with wavy short hair and an equally short beard. Blue-eyed and handsome, most commonly dressed in fineries bearing the colors of his house.
Trait: Strong.
Skill(s): Two-Handed Weapons (E), Andal Knight (E), First Man Warrior.
Talent(s): Hunting, axe-throwing, playing dice.
Negative Trait(s): N/A.
Starting Title(s): Ser, Heir to Gulltown, the Magnificent.
Starting Location: King's Landing.
Timeline:
7 BC - Marq is born in Gulltown as the first child of his parents, Ser Mandon Grafton and Lady Janyce Templeton.
3 BC - Marq's younger sister, Maris, is born in Gulltown.
0 BC - Marq's father, Ser Mandon, dies after Vhagar sets the Gulltown fleet on fire during the Battle off Gulltown. Marq becomes the heir to Gulltown.
1 AC - Marq is sent as a page and cup-bearer to [placeholder].
4 AC - Marq is sent off to [placeholder] to squire for [placeholder].
11 AC - Marq is knighted for valor at one of the many melees hosted at Driftmark.
14 AC - Marq wins a melee at Driftmark.
16 AC - Marq attends the festivities in the Kingswood, only narrowly escaping with his life but distinguishing himself as a warrior and not a mere tourney knight.
20 AC - Marq marries Corenna Corbray, the first-born daughter of Lord Corwyn Corbray of Heart's Home.
21 AC - Marq places well in the lists at the Strawberry tourney, though is defeated by Ser Roland Arryn. The two befriend eachother.
23 AC - Marq places second in a melee at Driftmark.
25 AC - Marq travels toward the capital for the name-day celebrations of the two heirs to the throne to represent his lord grandfather, who cites reasons of age for not attending - but in truth just refuses to attend a dragon's celebrations.
Family Tree: Link.
Supporting Characters:
Lady Maris Grafton - Ship Captain - Younger sister, Captain of the Beacon Fire and the de-facto Admiral of Gulltown. Wife of Ser Jonos Arryn.
Maester Osfryd - Scholar - Maester of Gulltown, a landed knight's bastard from a small village near Rosby. An experienced historian who dabbles in the healing arts - among other things.
Non-Archetyped NPCs:
Ser Gerold Grafton - Lord Commander of the City Watch of Gulltown, uncle.
Ser Jon Grafton - Sworn shield of Lord Mathos, son of Ser Gerold, cousin.
Rhea Grafton - Cousin, daughter of Ser Gerold.
Uther Shett - Seneschal.
Mandon - Septon.
Alys - Septa.
Ser Qyle Stone - Master-at-Arms.
Ser Creighton Arryn (of Gulltown) - Captain of the Guards.
Ser Pate the Sailor - Harbormaster.
Alloquo of Braavos - Shipwright.
Age: 74.
Cultural Group: Valeman Andal.
Appearance: Wrinkled and nearly bald, with white hair and equally white whiskers - save for a stubborn bit of his moustache that maintains the Grafton coloring, Mathos looks just about how you'd expect a man of his advanced age to look like. Standing at five-foot-ten, the years have withered away what was once a slim albeit muscular body. Blue-eyed and fair-skinned, with an authoritative look about him. Though he just looks old now, he was considered a dashing young man in his prime.
Trait: Numerate.
Skill(s): Avaricious (E), Scrutinous
Talent(s): Finance, reading, hawking, brooding.
Negative Trait(s): Elderly.
Starting Title(s): Lord of Gulltown, Warden of the Bay of Crabs, Protector of Trade, Ser, the Old.
Starting Location: Gulltown.
Biography:
Timeline:
49 BC - Mathos is born as the second son of his sire, Lord Maladon Grafton.
30 BC - Mathos is knighted after a naval battle in the Narrow Sea, where a Gulltown merchant convoy comes under attack by pirates from the Summer Isles.
29 BC - Mathos is wed, and soon after his first-born son, Mandon, is born.
26 BC - Mathos embarks on a journey across the world, travelling from the Arbor to Qarth. During this time, his elder brother Alesandor throws himself out of the Moon Door at the Eyrie for reasons not entirely clear to anyone else, making Mathos the heir to Gulltown.
22 BC - After the death of his father from injuries sustained during a duel of honor against the Lord of Longbow Hall, Mathos becomes the Lord of Gulltown.
19 BC - Mathos's second-born, Gerold, is born at Gulltown.
12 BC - Mathos enacts a new customs policy, bringing in lucrative amounts of exotic trade from Essos. With his new-found wealth, he finances a vast fleet to be constructed.
7 BC - Mathos's grandson, Marq, is born at Gulltown.
3 BC - Mathos's granddaughter, Maris, is born at Gulltown.
0 BC - Mathos' eldest, Mandon, dies at the Battle off Gulltown after the Gulltown armada's defeat of the Targaryen fleet. While the Vale of Arryn, and Gulltown with it, swears fealty to the three-headed dragon, Mathos swears a vow of vengeance in secret.
7 AC - Mathos discreetly finances a Riverlander plot to assassinate King Aegon I Targaryen, which succeeds.
11 AC - Mathos's grandson and heir, Marq, is knighted.
20 AC - Mathos arranges a marriage between his grandson, Ser Marq, and Lady Cyrenna Corbray, and a second between his granddaughter Lady Maris and Ser Jonos Arryn.
22 AC - Mathos withdraws from the council of advisors at the Eyrie, citing reasons of advanced age.
submitted by MallAffectionate9 to ITRPCommunity [link] [comments]
Discord Tag: m.ro
Name and House: Marq Grafton.
Age: 32.
Cultural Group: Valeman Andal.
Appearance: Taller than a Grafton has any right to be at six-foot-four, wide of shoulder and hard with muscle. Blonde and fair-skinned, with wavy short hair and an equally short beard. Blue-eyed and handsome, most commonly dressed in fineries bearing the colors of his house.
Trait: Strong.
Skill(s): Two-Handed Weapons (E), Andal Knight (E), First Man Warrior.
Talent(s): Hunting, axe-throwing, playing dice.
Negative Trait(s): N/A.
Starting Title(s): Ser, Heir to Gulltown, the Magnificent.
Starting Location: King's Landing.
Timeline:
7 BC - Marq is born in Gulltown as the first child of his parents, Ser Mandon Grafton and Lady Janyce Templeton.
3 BC - Marq's younger sister, Maris, is born in Gulltown.
0 BC - Marq's father, Ser Mandon, dies after Vhagar sets the Gulltown fleet on fire during the Battle off Gulltown. Marq becomes the heir to Gulltown.
1 AC - Marq is sent as a page and cup-bearer to [placeholder].
4 AC - Marq is sent off to [placeholder] to squire for [placeholder].
11 AC - Marq is knighted for valor at one of the many melees hosted at Driftmark.
14 AC - Marq wins a melee at Driftmark.
16 AC - Marq attends the festivities in the Kingswood, only narrowly escaping with his life but distinguishing himself as a warrior and not a mere tourney knight.
20 AC - Marq marries Corenna Corbray, the first-born daughter of Lord Corwyn Corbray of Heart's Home.
21 AC - Marq places well in the lists at the Strawberry tourney, though is defeated by Ser Roland Arryn. The two befriend eachother.
23 AC - Marq places second in a melee at Driftmark.
25 AC - Marq travels toward the capital for the name-day celebrations of the two heirs to the throne to represent his lord grandfather, who cites reasons of age for not attending - but in truth just refuses to attend a dragon's celebrations.
Family Tree: Link.
Supporting Characters:
Lady Maris Grafton - Ship Captain - Younger sister, Captain of the Beacon Fire and the de-facto Admiral of Gulltown. Wife of Ser Jonos Arryn.
Maester Osfryd - Scholar - Maester of Gulltown, a landed knight's bastard from a small village near Rosby. An experienced historian who dabbles in the healing arts - among other things.
Non-Archetyped NPCs:
Ser Gerold Grafton - Lord Commander of the City Watch of Gulltown, uncle.
Ser Jon Grafton - Sworn shield of Lord Mathos, son of Ser Gerold, cousin.
Rhea Grafton - Cousin, daughter of Ser Gerold.
Uther Shett - Seneschal.
Mandon - Septon.
Alys - Septa.
Ser Qyle Stone - Master-at-Arms.
Ser Creighton Arryn (of Gulltown) - Captain of the Guards.
Ser Pate the Sailor - Harbormaster.
Alloquo of Braavos - Shipwright.
Auxiliary Character:
Name and House: Mathos Grafton.Age: 74.
Cultural Group: Valeman Andal.
Appearance: Wrinkled and nearly bald, with white hair and equally white whiskers - save for a stubborn bit of his moustache that maintains the Grafton coloring, Mathos looks just about how you'd expect a man of his advanced age to look like. Standing at five-foot-ten, the years have withered away what was once a slim albeit muscular body. Blue-eyed and fair-skinned, with an authoritative look about him. Though he just looks old now, he was considered a dashing young man in his prime.
Trait: Numerate.
Skill(s): Avaricious (E), Scrutinous
Talent(s): Finance, reading, hawking, brooding.
Negative Trait(s): Elderly.
Starting Title(s): Lord of Gulltown, Warden of the Bay of Crabs, Protector of Trade, Ser, the Old.
Starting Location: Gulltown.
Biography:
Timeline:
49 BC - Mathos is born as the second son of his sire, Lord Maladon Grafton.
30 BC - Mathos is knighted after a naval battle in the Narrow Sea, where a Gulltown merchant convoy comes under attack by pirates from the Summer Isles.
29 BC - Mathos is wed, and soon after his first-born son, Mandon, is born.
26 BC - Mathos embarks on a journey across the world, travelling from the Arbor to Qarth. During this time, his elder brother Alesandor throws himself out of the Moon Door at the Eyrie for reasons not entirely clear to anyone else, making Mathos the heir to Gulltown.
22 BC - After the death of his father from injuries sustained during a duel of honor against the Lord of Longbow Hall, Mathos becomes the Lord of Gulltown.
19 BC - Mathos's second-born, Gerold, is born at Gulltown.
12 BC - Mathos enacts a new customs policy, bringing in lucrative amounts of exotic trade from Essos. With his new-found wealth, he finances a vast fleet to be constructed.
7 BC - Mathos's grandson, Marq, is born at Gulltown.
3 BC - Mathos's granddaughter, Maris, is born at Gulltown.
0 BC - Mathos' eldest, Mandon, dies at the Battle off Gulltown after the Gulltown armada's defeat of the Targaryen fleet. While the Vale of Arryn, and Gulltown with it, swears fealty to the three-headed dragon, Mathos swears a vow of vengeance in secret.
7 AC - Mathos discreetly finances a Riverlander plot to assassinate King Aegon I Targaryen, which succeeds.
11 AC - Mathos's grandson and heir, Marq, is knighted.
20 AC - Mathos arranges a marriage between his grandson, Ser Marq, and Lady Cyrenna Corbray, and a second between his granddaughter Lady Maris and Ser Jonos Arryn.
22 AC - Mathos withdraws from the council of advisors at the Eyrie, citing reasons of advanced age.
2024.05.18 14:14 Loud_Salamander_1696 Does my anger indicate a type?
I am generally lazy, passive, absent minded, intellectual, aloof, day dreamer. But I also experience very intense anger. Like pure wrath. This is always triggered when people show disrespect or they act stupid or don't accept logical reasoning.
I think people should be respectful and have basic courtesy. When people try to be over smart or try to assert dominance, I get angry. When people do illogical things and don't accept my reasoning and just keep repeating themselves without explanation, it makes me angry.
This anger is expressed as doubling down on logical explanations and making people feel stupid by giving multiple examples. Also I curse sometimes and become hyper. But I still retain common sense, I wouldn't just hit someone or throw something at them, and get myself in trouble.
Also many times I don't realize how quickly I rise to anger and how combative I am being, my friends tell me I look like I am ready to physically attack the other person. In conflict, I always try to say things that invite shocked reactions from others.
My anger is ALWAYS a reaction to stupidity and disrespect. I cannot get angry at someone who is genuinely nice or if I am at fault. Even internally I am angry towards how people collectively act in society and reenact arguments in my head (the arguments i will use against these stupid people when I will meet them).
submitted by Loud_Salamander_1696 to Enneagram [link] [comments]
I think people should be respectful and have basic courtesy. When people try to be over smart or try to assert dominance, I get angry. When people do illogical things and don't accept my reasoning and just keep repeating themselves without explanation, it makes me angry.
This anger is expressed as doubling down on logical explanations and making people feel stupid by giving multiple examples. Also I curse sometimes and become hyper. But I still retain common sense, I wouldn't just hit someone or throw something at them, and get myself in trouble.
Also many times I don't realize how quickly I rise to anger and how combative I am being, my friends tell me I look like I am ready to physically attack the other person. In conflict, I always try to say things that invite shocked reactions from others.
My anger is ALWAYS a reaction to stupidity and disrespect. I cannot get angry at someone who is genuinely nice or if I am at fault. Even internally I am angry towards how people collectively act in society and reenact arguments in my head (the arguments i will use against these stupid people when I will meet them).
2024.05.18 14:14 Admirable_Football13 I saw a dark shadow moving right in front of me.
It’s a long one but it’s a must read ..
I want to say this all started beginning of this year. Let’s get right into it. I’m going to give a backstory of the house I live in for context. I live in a very spacious home in CT with my boyfriend and his family. I’ve been there for 3 years. My boyfriend and I live in the basement which is fully finished, basically our own apartment. The house was built in 2000.
One of the first things that was weird about this property to me was the fact that it comes up on maps as a church cemetery. When you google that cemetery though, it is set about a mile or so down the road on the other end. Weird little coincidence I think. Anyways, I started noticing out of the corner of my eye a grayish/white shadow in my kitchen area at night. I chalked it up to seeing something only because I had drank that night and I let it go. Well I kept seeing this figure a few times a week and when no drinks were involved, I started to think it was weird. The figure was tall but I couldn’t really see any facial features, it was more so a side profile and then it would disappear.
*Now it’s March and I see a post on Facebook from my boyfriend’s mother. She and I work at hospitals and she had asked if anyone else in healthcare had brought a spirit home. She felt like she was being “watched”. I ran to my messages to let her know about that figure I saw in the basement. This was on March 6th of this year. I believe she saged the house after I told her this. Honestly, everything was good for about a month. I wasn’t seeing the shadow and life resumed.
*Here comes April 24 2024, my boyfriend’s mother made another post saying that she needed a house cleansing, and that things were good for a little bit and then started up again. Hearing knocking and the dogs going crazy at weird hours. And once again I tell her about my experience I had before she even made her post. I was getting up in the night to pee, I swing my legs over and as soon as my feet touch the floor, my printer in the corner of the room near my kitchen completely illuminates and I can see every inch of the basement. It creeped me out but I did my thing and went back to bed.
*A week later I am in bed again and my boyfriend is asleep and I have been having trouble sleeping so I was barely asleep. All of the sudden I’m woken up from the feeling of the edge of my bed being hit and I feel the hair near my face move. That one definitely scared me. I just pulled the covers up to my head and went back to bed.
*May 10th 2024, she posted that she saw a dark black/grey mass floating in the house. That specific night my boyfriend and I were in Maine for the weekend and came home the following day. I had not seen her post until two days later after my experience on Mother’s Day
*May 12th 2024. On this day, it was the one year anniversary of having my baby removed after a second trimester miscarriage. It was also Mother’s Day. I was enjoying the day with my boyfriend’s family and I went in the house to get food. As I’m standing at the island I see something move, it was a black floating shadow somewhat low to the ground not tall at all. I looked at it as it moved down the hallway that is right in front of my basement door. When I asked my MIL about her experience and where she saw the shadow, she said it was in the EXACT spot I just saw it. As we stand there talking about it, the smoke alarms go off. I want to say that so far, my boyfriend’s mother, his sister and I have all seen and experienced things in the past months. My boyfriend and his father have not seen/heard anything. I am terrified to be in the house alone, I just get this awful feeling when I’m there alone.
**A woman at my work is a paranormal investigator and I was telling her my story when she interrupted me and asked “do you light candles?” I said yes but not recently. She said “ I have something telling me, “Go ahead, light that candle” so please do not light any candles” We just found out that there was a previous house on the property, which had burnt down. I am beyond freaked out.
submitted by Admirable_Football13 to Paranormal [link] [comments]
I want to say this all started beginning of this year. Let’s get right into it. I’m going to give a backstory of the house I live in for context. I live in a very spacious home in CT with my boyfriend and his family. I’ve been there for 3 years. My boyfriend and I live in the basement which is fully finished, basically our own apartment. The house was built in 2000.
One of the first things that was weird about this property to me was the fact that it comes up on maps as a church cemetery. When you google that cemetery though, it is set about a mile or so down the road on the other end. Weird little coincidence I think. Anyways, I started noticing out of the corner of my eye a grayish/white shadow in my kitchen area at night. I chalked it up to seeing something only because I had drank that night and I let it go. Well I kept seeing this figure a few times a week and when no drinks were involved, I started to think it was weird. The figure was tall but I couldn’t really see any facial features, it was more so a side profile and then it would disappear.
*Now it’s March and I see a post on Facebook from my boyfriend’s mother. She and I work at hospitals and she had asked if anyone else in healthcare had brought a spirit home. She felt like she was being “watched”. I ran to my messages to let her know about that figure I saw in the basement. This was on March 6th of this year. I believe she saged the house after I told her this. Honestly, everything was good for about a month. I wasn’t seeing the shadow and life resumed.
*Here comes April 24 2024, my boyfriend’s mother made another post saying that she needed a house cleansing, and that things were good for a little bit and then started up again. Hearing knocking and the dogs going crazy at weird hours. And once again I tell her about my experience I had before she even made her post. I was getting up in the night to pee, I swing my legs over and as soon as my feet touch the floor, my printer in the corner of the room near my kitchen completely illuminates and I can see every inch of the basement. It creeped me out but I did my thing and went back to bed.
*A week later I am in bed again and my boyfriend is asleep and I have been having trouble sleeping so I was barely asleep. All of the sudden I’m woken up from the feeling of the edge of my bed being hit and I feel the hair near my face move. That one definitely scared me. I just pulled the covers up to my head and went back to bed.
*May 10th 2024, she posted that she saw a dark black/grey mass floating in the house. That specific night my boyfriend and I were in Maine for the weekend and came home the following day. I had not seen her post until two days later after my experience on Mother’s Day
*May 12th 2024. On this day, it was the one year anniversary of having my baby removed after a second trimester miscarriage. It was also Mother’s Day. I was enjoying the day with my boyfriend’s family and I went in the house to get food. As I’m standing at the island I see something move, it was a black floating shadow somewhat low to the ground not tall at all. I looked at it as it moved down the hallway that is right in front of my basement door. When I asked my MIL about her experience and where she saw the shadow, she said it was in the EXACT spot I just saw it. As we stand there talking about it, the smoke alarms go off. I want to say that so far, my boyfriend’s mother, his sister and I have all seen and experienced things in the past months. My boyfriend and his father have not seen/heard anything. I am terrified to be in the house alone, I just get this awful feeling when I’m there alone.
**A woman at my work is a paranormal investigator and I was telling her my story when she interrupted me and asked “do you light candles?” I said yes but not recently. She said “ I have something telling me, “Go ahead, light that candle” so please do not light any candles” We just found out that there was a previous house on the property, which had burnt down. I am beyond freaked out.
2024.05.18 14:12 I_am_Hyper Dad gives me silent treatment and i kinda like it
ok so i play the guitar and a string sprung out of the saddle. no problem, went to my dad, he puts it back in (idk for the life of me how), tunes it, i tune the rest of the guitar with him, and for context my guitar has a weird thing where if i use the cheap floyd rose, the next day or two a string goes out of tune, i go to tune it from the headstock and it goes out of the saddle. I see that a string isnt tuning right, and im kinda sensible to this shit, bc it happened like 5-7 times in 2 months, and i thougt that it will go out of the saddle, it didnt. I went back to the room and my dad keep tolding me "You are going to cry bc your string went out of the saddle?" Packed my guitar in the case, he then wanted to know what was the problem, i didnt want to tell him bc i was kinda mad.
yesterday morning(next day), i got packed for school, listening to music with one earbud, idrk what the fuck was he saying(cant remember), and then, before i leave the house he asked me how would i feel if he would ignore me. When i get back home from chemistry training, i say hello, nothing, i say hello again, nothing, i remember that he gives me the silent treatment, and ignore him, i go say hello to my mom and sister and go about the rest of my day.
Now, since yesterday night, he hasnt talked to me at all, but with other family members he talks. Honestly i kinda like this peace and silence he gives me, i swear to god that i will ignore him until he talks to me.
Is this ok to like the silent treatment? is he narcissistic?
submitted by I_am_Hyper to narcissisticparents [link] [comments]
yesterday morning(next day), i got packed for school, listening to music with one earbud, idrk what the fuck was he saying(cant remember), and then, before i leave the house he asked me how would i feel if he would ignore me. When i get back home from chemistry training, i say hello, nothing, i say hello again, nothing, i remember that he gives me the silent treatment, and ignore him, i go say hello to my mom and sister and go about the rest of my day.
Now, since yesterday night, he hasnt talked to me at all, but with other family members he talks. Honestly i kinda like this peace and silence he gives me, i swear to god that i will ignore him until he talks to me.
Is this ok to like the silent treatment? is he narcissistic?
2024.05.18 14:11 Elphafox A decision
I am not having a child because of my diagnosis.
I posted twice, both here and another one, where i was told i needed therapy, would be a bad mom, was told i would abuse my kid. That my ptsd was going to traumatize my kid too. I still have a diagnosis, but i dont have active symptoms.
I cry a couple of times a year, like everyone else. I have a fulltime job. A dog. A partner. A house. But because of those cries a few times a year, i have been told I need therapy before children.
I do not need therapy. I will always have ptsd. It is not bad like it was before EMDR. Everyone i know tells me i would be a great mom. Im not sure anymore because everyone else tells me i would be terrible or that i need therapy cause i cry.
So i have decided to not have children. No one with sexual trauma that has healed afterwards could give me advice. I guess they don't exist. Only people with bad experiences or "Meh" experiences.
I am never having anything else than a pet. It's sad, for sure. It sucks. I wish I was told i had a low chance of getting kids like when i was a teen but then my gyno had to say everything was great as an adult. My countrys birth rate is going down hard, probably because of money and well.. crying people, no therapy for tears.
I hope a doctor says my hip is too stiff for childbearing with no cure, or that my PBC is gonna kill me if i try anyways. Cause that is easy. Not this one though. Not at all.
This may seem sarcastic (or you agree ofcourse) Its not. Multiple people have told me I would be a bad mom due to me crying, and when asked why, only ignored and/or downvoted. I dont agree but i guess there is something im not seeing. I will just have to trust everyone saying it. I honestly feels like I'm going crazy because i ask one thing and get answers for something else.
Anyways i will keep babysitting instead like I have done my whole life without issue. That is okay. I still love kids 🤩 Atleast now we dont need to add another room to the house.
submitted by Elphafox to ptsd [link] [comments]
I posted twice, both here and another one, where i was told i needed therapy, would be a bad mom, was told i would abuse my kid. That my ptsd was going to traumatize my kid too. I still have a diagnosis, but i dont have active symptoms.
I cry a couple of times a year, like everyone else. I have a fulltime job. A dog. A partner. A house. But because of those cries a few times a year, i have been told I need therapy before children.
I do not need therapy. I will always have ptsd. It is not bad like it was before EMDR. Everyone i know tells me i would be a great mom. Im not sure anymore because everyone else tells me i would be terrible or that i need therapy cause i cry.
So i have decided to not have children. No one with sexual trauma that has healed afterwards could give me advice. I guess they don't exist. Only people with bad experiences or "Meh" experiences.
I am never having anything else than a pet. It's sad, for sure. It sucks. I wish I was told i had a low chance of getting kids like when i was a teen but then my gyno had to say everything was great as an adult. My countrys birth rate is going down hard, probably because of money and well.. crying people, no therapy for tears.
I hope a doctor says my hip is too stiff for childbearing with no cure, or that my PBC is gonna kill me if i try anyways. Cause that is easy. Not this one though. Not at all.
This may seem sarcastic (or you agree ofcourse) Its not. Multiple people have told me I would be a bad mom due to me crying, and when asked why, only ignored and/or downvoted. I dont agree but i guess there is something im not seeing. I will just have to trust everyone saying it. I honestly feels like I'm going crazy because i ask one thing and get answers for something else.
Anyways i will keep babysitting instead like I have done my whole life without issue. That is okay. I still love kids 🤩 Atleast now we dont need to add another room to the house.
2024.05.18 14:10 deer-at-the-keyboard [F4F Writing M Character] Seeking Literate Partners
Hi, you can call me Storm! I'm 30 and the mom of a loud and demanding cat.
I’m a multiple paragraphs/novella style writer. I love to write detailed descriptions and delve into a character’s head/emotions as well as surroundings. I compare it to writing a novel together. Not every reply has to be novella length, however. If there are action or dialogue heavy scenes, I tend to do a shorter back and forth to keep the momentum going.
I only do MxF (with me writing the female role). I don’t double, but I’m more than happy to write side characters of either gender to help move the story along.
I'm really hoping to find a friendship, someone who can add to our story, and most importantly, someone who wants a long-term connection.It's difficult for me to write with someone if I don't feel that genuine bond. It's also important to me to have a high level of activity, with at least one reply a day.
If you suddenly stop replying ic and ooc, I'll drop the story after 2 attempts of gauging interest spaced a week apart. But feel free to message me if you want to pick the story back up again, even months later.
Searching For:
modern fantasy, monsters, sci-fi, post apocalyptic/dystopia, soulmates, southern gothic/midwest gothic (i’m a sucker for that southern/texas drawl), horror, grumpy dark men x fiery sweet women, height/size difference, enemies to lovers, slow burn romance, spooky small towns, mysteries/crime, and much more!
I have lots of original plot ideas in mind as well.
Fandoms (OCS ONLY)
Star Wars, Stranger Things, Mercy Thompson Series, True Blood, The Last of Us, Hunger Games, Fallout (TV Show)
I only use discord to write. Drop me a PM or chat message. The most effective way to grab my genuine interest is by messaging me as if we've been friends for years. Please let me know which interests you liked from my ad.
submitted by deer-at-the-keyboard to Roleplay [link] [comments]
I’m a multiple paragraphs/novella style writer. I love to write detailed descriptions and delve into a character’s head/emotions as well as surroundings. I compare it to writing a novel together. Not every reply has to be novella length, however. If there are action or dialogue heavy scenes, I tend to do a shorter back and forth to keep the momentum going.
I only do MxF (with me writing the female role). I don’t double, but I’m more than happy to write side characters of either gender to help move the story along.
I'm really hoping to find a friendship, someone who can add to our story, and most importantly, someone who wants a long-term connection.It's difficult for me to write with someone if I don't feel that genuine bond. It's also important to me to have a high level of activity, with at least one reply a day.
If you suddenly stop replying ic and ooc, I'll drop the story after 2 attempts of gauging interest spaced a week apart. But feel free to message me if you want to pick the story back up again, even months later.
Searching For:
- 21+ partners (Our characters will be 21+ as well)
- An excellent grasp of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization. (Literate to advanced writers only, please. I'm not looking for newbies)
- Enthusiasm to chat about our character and ship, how to crush them and then gushing over fluffy moments. I love crying over characters and what the heck they’re doing. I want my heart ripped from my chest from angst, then feeling like it’s going to burst from overwhelming cuteness. I want us to love these characters and the world we create. I want to make pinterest boards, spotify playlists, graphics, and toss headcanons back and forth until late at night.
- Have an idea for a scene? Found a picture that inspired you? Send it to me! Be invested when it comes to plotting/worldbuilding. There’s nothing worse than receiving one sentence in reply to two paragraphs of ideas, or having a doormat partner who says “sure” to whatever I ask. Building ideas one on top of the other, watching them snowball into amazing plot threads brings me joy. But having to pull plot ideas like I’m pulling teeth makes me think you’re not interested, and I will lose interest in return. Don't make me carry the entire story.
- While I'd prefer real life face claims, I'd also be open to using realistic art if you're uncomfortable with real life. Though I draw the line at anime/cartoon style art.
modern fantasy, monsters, sci-fi, post apocalyptic/dystopia, soulmates, southern gothic/midwest gothic (i’m a sucker for that southern/texas drawl), horror, grumpy dark men x fiery sweet women, height/size difference, enemies to lovers, slow burn romance, spooky small towns, mysteries/crime, and much more!
I have lots of original plot ideas in mind as well.
Fandoms (OCS ONLY)
Star Wars, Stranger Things, Mercy Thompson Series, True Blood, The Last of Us, Hunger Games, Fallout (TV Show)
I only use discord to write. Drop me a PM or chat message. The most effective way to grab my genuine interest is by messaging me as if we've been friends for years. Please let me know which interests you liked from my ad.
2024.05.18 14:10 Opening_Oil7828 4 Day Puerto Rico Itinerary
Day 1: - Land at 11AM - Check in @ el colonial - Explore old San Juan -Dinner at el jibaro -Drinks @ la factoría
Day 2: Check out of hotel - el yunque and Luquillo’s tour -Uber to ceiba from Luquillo for 6:30PM FERRY -arrive to vieques &dinner
Day 3: explore vieques
Day 4: check out & head to ferry for ceiba then culebra -take e ferry back to ceiba at 3:30 then Uber back to San Juan -check into hotel by 6 - dinner and Santurce
Day 5: leave to airport at 3:30AM
IS THIS TOO MUCH? I wanted to do 2 days in Culebra or vieques. Should I just choose 1? And two days in San Juan. We have to be in San Juan the last day to get our flight early morning. I also thought of just going straight to Culebra or vieques but my mom wants to see old San Juan first. Please help!!!!
submitted by Opening_Oil7828 to PuertoRicoTravel [link] [comments]
Day 2: Check out of hotel - el yunque and Luquillo’s tour -Uber to ceiba from Luquillo for 6:30PM FERRY -arrive to vieques &dinner
Day 3: explore vieques
Day 4: check out & head to ferry for ceiba then culebra -take e ferry back to ceiba at 3:30 then Uber back to San Juan -check into hotel by 6 - dinner and Santurce
Day 5: leave to airport at 3:30AM
IS THIS TOO MUCH? I wanted to do 2 days in Culebra or vieques. Should I just choose 1? And two days in San Juan. We have to be in San Juan the last day to get our flight early morning. I also thought of just going straight to Culebra or vieques but my mom wants to see old San Juan first. Please help!!!!
2024.05.18 14:08 noitasilivic When is it okay to stop helping a friend with severe mental health issues (schizotypal disorder)?
Hello. I don't usually frequent this sub, and I've only skimmed the rules so I hope I don't make any mistakes in formatting.
tl;dr: 5 years ago, I (now 22F) broke up with a long time friend (now 23M) who I was very close with, almost romantically involved. In the meantime, he became diagnosed with schizotypal disorder, was institutionalized by his parents, refused to go to treatment, and began starving himself (eating about once per 1-2 days, regularly not sleeping for 30-40 hours). More than half a year ago, I was contacted by his mother, who said that he was really not doing well, and that he told her I was his closest and most trusted friend. She asked me to help him, but I'm close to giving up. The only reason I haven't is because I feel bad about his mother and that he says he's always in pain.
Just to quickly summarise, the reason we broke up initially was because we had many many arguments over the years -- he had issues obeying boundaries set by others (he claimed that he wanted to hear facts and logic rather than emotions), and I had been insecure, emotionally unstable, and often did not express myself clearly. The breaking point came when he tried to obliquely pressure me into participating in a furry petplay bsdm roleplay with him as a 'dominant' (without using any of the words -- he claimed it was just about ownership, which is really a type of companionship). We argued about it for days before I said okay, fine. (For context, I was neither a furry nor had any knowledge of bdsm, also I was 16.) Incidentally, he has informed me recently that apparently he had already been roleplaying as a submissive for years online at that point, objected to my characterisation of that as grooming, and claimed that he was trying to be subtle about it because it was taboo.
Now to the present. What I've been doing is mostly ignoring him until I'm mentally ready to say something to him, because it causes me some stress to talk to him. However, he has a plan where he'll reveal the root cause of his pain to me, and that'll allow him to finally work on other things I've been asking him to work on (namely, actually eating, sleeping, keeping a diary, and generally taking care of himself). For this reason, the entire week he has been spamming my dms or even calling my phone. Furthermore, he has started calling me on the telegram app whenever he requires my attention and I don't respond. It frustrates me because often he either calls at past midnight hours, where I'm almost asleep, or in late evenings when I'm either doing work or having fun with my actual friends. Once I was drawing with a friend and he insisted I drop what I was doing to tend to him. Even though I always decline the calls, it serves to draw my attention and force me to engage his chat.
This came to a head yesterday night, because it was 2am, and I was about to fall asleep when he called again. He insisted that he needed to call me now, that it was a life or death situation, a once in a lifetime chance for him to "open his muzzle" and reveal truths. I told him no, and he continued asking/begging, either by saying that he was in a lot of pain, or by asking me if I could hide in the washroom for a 5 minute call or type while he talks (I said that it was bloody 2am, I wanted to sleep, and I didn't want to disturb my family). I maintained a flat no and managed to go to bed again after an hour of this silly back and forth.
The next morning he complains that he hasn't slept, feels immense pain, and that he's extremely upset that I did not pick up his call the night before. We argued even further, and when I returned from lunch he had spammed my dm with upwards of 50 messages. I told him to go to sleep if he was in pain, and when he said he couldnt because he was hungry, to get some food. We argued further and he complained that I wasn't supposed to answer to those messages, and that I knew food was a trigger for him.
After even more arguments, I said that if he cannot stop sending messages to me by himself, I can block him and unblock him for a few hours so he can actually sleep. When I blocked him, he called my actual phone, and told me that it's not the correct method to deal with him (because 'denying curiosity is fueling it', and that 'I should tell him to relax and go to sleep'. I told him to screw off and stop calling my phone without permission, and he told me that he wanted me to delete all the messages since the 50 message spam. So now I've told him I've blocked him until a few hours later, and that I will block him if he calls me thrice today (which he did and I promptly blocked his phone number).
The thing is that I know he is deeply sick, but I don't think I can continue helping him if he continues to repeatedly overstep clearly stated boundaries and continuously making excuses for his behavior. Furthermore, he claims he has been trying hard, but I learnt from his mother that he lied about quite a few things prevent his image from being damaged in my eyes. He also never discusses actual steps he takes to improve his problems (namely, starvation??) but would repeatedly write messages about being in pain, about being a feral animal, and about his paranoia about institutions being out to catch him.
Apologies for the long post. Appreciate if anyone has any input. I understand that being in pain makes self-control difficult, but sometimes I feel like he's just using it as an excuse to act on the first impulse that pops into his head.
submitted by noitasilivic to relationships [link] [comments]
tl;dr: 5 years ago, I (now 22F) broke up with a long time friend (now 23M) who I was very close with, almost romantically involved. In the meantime, he became diagnosed with schizotypal disorder, was institutionalized by his parents, refused to go to treatment, and began starving himself (eating about once per 1-2 days, regularly not sleeping for 30-40 hours). More than half a year ago, I was contacted by his mother, who said that he was really not doing well, and that he told her I was his closest and most trusted friend. She asked me to help him, but I'm close to giving up. The only reason I haven't is because I feel bad about his mother and that he says he's always in pain.
Just to quickly summarise, the reason we broke up initially was because we had many many arguments over the years -- he had issues obeying boundaries set by others (he claimed that he wanted to hear facts and logic rather than emotions), and I had been insecure, emotionally unstable, and often did not express myself clearly. The breaking point came when he tried to obliquely pressure me into participating in a furry petplay bsdm roleplay with him as a 'dominant' (without using any of the words -- he claimed it was just about ownership, which is really a type of companionship). We argued about it for days before I said okay, fine. (For context, I was neither a furry nor had any knowledge of bdsm, also I was 16.) Incidentally, he has informed me recently that apparently he had already been roleplaying as a submissive for years online at that point, objected to my characterisation of that as grooming, and claimed that he was trying to be subtle about it because it was taboo.
Now to the present. What I've been doing is mostly ignoring him until I'm mentally ready to say something to him, because it causes me some stress to talk to him. However, he has a plan where he'll reveal the root cause of his pain to me, and that'll allow him to finally work on other things I've been asking him to work on (namely, actually eating, sleeping, keeping a diary, and generally taking care of himself). For this reason, the entire week he has been spamming my dms or even calling my phone. Furthermore, he has started calling me on the telegram app whenever he requires my attention and I don't respond. It frustrates me because often he either calls at past midnight hours, where I'm almost asleep, or in late evenings when I'm either doing work or having fun with my actual friends. Once I was drawing with a friend and he insisted I drop what I was doing to tend to him. Even though I always decline the calls, it serves to draw my attention and force me to engage his chat.
This came to a head yesterday night, because it was 2am, and I was about to fall asleep when he called again. He insisted that he needed to call me now, that it was a life or death situation, a once in a lifetime chance for him to "open his muzzle" and reveal truths. I told him no, and he continued asking/begging, either by saying that he was in a lot of pain, or by asking me if I could hide in the washroom for a 5 minute call or type while he talks (I said that it was bloody 2am, I wanted to sleep, and I didn't want to disturb my family). I maintained a flat no and managed to go to bed again after an hour of this silly back and forth.
The next morning he complains that he hasn't slept, feels immense pain, and that he's extremely upset that I did not pick up his call the night before. We argued even further, and when I returned from lunch he had spammed my dm with upwards of 50 messages. I told him to go to sleep if he was in pain, and when he said he couldnt because he was hungry, to get some food. We argued further and he complained that I wasn't supposed to answer to those messages, and that I knew food was a trigger for him.
After even more arguments, I said that if he cannot stop sending messages to me by himself, I can block him and unblock him for a few hours so he can actually sleep. When I blocked him, he called my actual phone, and told me that it's not the correct method to deal with him (because 'denying curiosity is fueling it', and that 'I should tell him to relax and go to sleep'. I told him to screw off and stop calling my phone without permission, and he told me that he wanted me to delete all the messages since the 50 message spam. So now I've told him I've blocked him until a few hours later, and that I will block him if he calls me thrice today (which he did and I promptly blocked his phone number).
The thing is that I know he is deeply sick, but I don't think I can continue helping him if he continues to repeatedly overstep clearly stated boundaries and continuously making excuses for his behavior. Furthermore, he claims he has been trying hard, but I learnt from his mother that he lied about quite a few things prevent his image from being damaged in my eyes. He also never discusses actual steps he takes to improve his problems (namely, starvation??) but would repeatedly write messages about being in pain, about being a feral animal, and about his paranoia about institutions being out to catch him.
Apologies for the long post. Appreciate if anyone has any input. I understand that being in pain makes self-control difficult, but sometimes I feel like he's just using it as an excuse to act on the first impulse that pops into his head.
2024.05.18 14:08 deer-at-the-keyboard [F4F Writing M Character] Seeking Literate Partners
Hi, you can call me Storm! I'm 30 and the mom of a loud and demanding cat.
I’m a multiple paragraphs/novella style writer. I love to write detailed descriptions and delve into a character’s head/emotions as well as surroundings. I compare it to writing a novel together. Not every reply has to be novella length, however. If there are action or dialogue heavy scenes, I tend to do a shorter back and forth to keep the momentum going.
I only do MxF (with me writing the female role). I don’t double, but I’m more than happy to write side characters of either gender to help move the story along.
I'm really hoping to find a friendship, someone who can add to our story, and most importantly, someone who wants a long-term connection.It's difficult for me to write with someone if I don't feel that genuine bond. It's also important to me to have a high level of activity, with at least one reply a day.
If you suddenly stop replying ic and ooc, I'll drop the story after 2 attempts of gauging interest spaced a week apart. But feel free to message me if you want to pick the story back up again, even months later.
Searching For:
modern fantasy, monsters, sci-fi, post apocalyptic/dystopia, soulmates, southern gothic/midwest gothic (i’m a sucker for that southern/texas drawl), horror, grumpy dark men x fiery sweet women, height/size difference, enemies to lovers, slow burn romance, spooky small towns, mysteries/crime, and much more!
I have lots of original plot ideas in mind as well.
Fandoms (OCS ONLY)
Star Wars, Stranger Things, Mercy Thompson Series, True Blood, The Last of Us, Hunger Games, Fallout (TV Show)
I only use discord to write. Drop me a PM or chat message. The most effective way to grab my genuine interest is by messaging me as if we've been friends for years. Please let me know which interests you liked from my ad.
submitted by deer-at-the-keyboard to RoleplayPartnerSearch [link] [comments]
I’m a multiple paragraphs/novella style writer. I love to write detailed descriptions and delve into a character’s head/emotions as well as surroundings. I compare it to writing a novel together. Not every reply has to be novella length, however. If there are action or dialogue heavy scenes, I tend to do a shorter back and forth to keep the momentum going.
I only do MxF (with me writing the female role). I don’t double, but I’m more than happy to write side characters of either gender to help move the story along.
I'm really hoping to find a friendship, someone who can add to our story, and most importantly, someone who wants a long-term connection.It's difficult for me to write with someone if I don't feel that genuine bond. It's also important to me to have a high level of activity, with at least one reply a day.
If you suddenly stop replying ic and ooc, I'll drop the story after 2 attempts of gauging interest spaced a week apart. But feel free to message me if you want to pick the story back up again, even months later.
Searching For:
- 21+ partners (Our characters will be 21+ as well)
- An excellent grasp of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization. (Literate to advanced writers only, please. I'm not looking for newbies)
- Enthusiasm to chat about our character and ship, how to crush them and then gushing over fluffy moments. I love crying over characters and what the heck they’re doing. I want my heart ripped from my chest from angst, then feeling like it’s going to burst from overwhelming cuteness. I want us to love these characters and the world we create. I want to make pinterest boards, spotify playlists, graphics, and toss headcanons back and forth until late at night.
- Have an idea for a scene? Found a picture that inspired you? Send it to me! Be invested when it comes to plotting/worldbuilding. There’s nothing worse than receiving one sentence in reply to two paragraphs of ideas, or having a doormat partner who says “sure” to whatever I ask. Building ideas one on top of the other, watching them snowball into amazing plot threads brings me joy. But having to pull plot ideas like I’m pulling teeth makes me think you’re not interested, and I will lose interest in return. Don't make me carry the entire story.
- While I'd prefer real life face claims, I'd also be open to using realistic art if you're uncomfortable with real life. Though I draw the line at anime/cartoon style art.
modern fantasy, monsters, sci-fi, post apocalyptic/dystopia, soulmates, southern gothic/midwest gothic (i’m a sucker for that southern/texas drawl), horror, grumpy dark men x fiery sweet women, height/size difference, enemies to lovers, slow burn romance, spooky small towns, mysteries/crime, and much more!
I have lots of original plot ideas in mind as well.
Fandoms (OCS ONLY)
Star Wars, Stranger Things, Mercy Thompson Series, True Blood, The Last of Us, Hunger Games, Fallout (TV Show)
I only use discord to write. Drop me a PM or chat message. The most effective way to grab my genuine interest is by messaging me as if we've been friends for years. Please let me know which interests you liked from my ad.
2024.05.18 14:08 deer-at-the-keyboard [F4F Writing M Character] Seeking Literate Partners
Hi, you can call me Storm! I'm 30 and the mom of a loud and demanding cat.
I’m a multiple paragraphs/novella style writer. I love to write detailed descriptions and delve into a character’s head/emotions as well as surroundings. I compare it to writing a novel together. Not every reply has to be novella length, however. If there are action or dialogue heavy scenes, I tend to do a shorter back and forth to keep the momentum going.
I only do MxF (with me writing the female role). I don’t double, but I’m more than happy to write side characters of either gender to help move the story along.
I'm really hoping to find a friendship, someone who can add to our story, and most importantly, someone who wants a long-term connection.It's difficult for me to write with someone if I don't feel that genuine bond. It's also important to me to have a high level of activity, with at least one reply a day.
If you suddenly stop replying ic and ooc, I'll drop the story after 2 attempts of gauging interest spaced a week apart. But feel free to message me if you want to pick the story back up again, even months later.
Searching For:
modern fantasy, monsters, sci-fi, post apocalyptic/dystopia, soulmates, southern gothic/midwest gothic (i’m a sucker for that southern/texas drawl), horror, grumpy dark men x fiery sweet women, height/size difference, enemies to lovers, slow burn romance, spooky small towns, mysteries/crime, and much more!
I have lots of original plot ideas in mind as well.
Fandoms (OCS ONLY)
Star Wars, Stranger Things, Mercy Thompson Series, True Blood, The Last of Us, Hunger Games, Fallout (TV Show)
I only use discord to write. Drop me a PM or chat message. The most effective way to grab my genuine interest is by messaging me as if we've been friends for years. Please let me know which interests you liked from my ad.
submitted by deer-at-the-keyboard to AdvLiterateRP [link] [comments]
I’m a multiple paragraphs/novella style writer. I love to write detailed descriptions and delve into a character’s head/emotions as well as surroundings. I compare it to writing a novel together. Not every reply has to be novella length, however. If there are action or dialogue heavy scenes, I tend to do a shorter back and forth to keep the momentum going.
I only do MxF (with me writing the female role). I don’t double, but I’m more than happy to write side characters of either gender to help move the story along.
I'm really hoping to find a friendship, someone who can add to our story, and most importantly, someone who wants a long-term connection.It's difficult for me to write with someone if I don't feel that genuine bond. It's also important to me to have a high level of activity, with at least one reply a day.
If you suddenly stop replying ic and ooc, I'll drop the story after 2 attempts of gauging interest spaced a week apart. But feel free to message me if you want to pick the story back up again, even months later.
Searching For:
- 21+ partners (Our characters will be 21+ as well)
- An excellent grasp of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization. (Literate to advanced writers only, please. I'm not looking for newbies)
- Enthusiasm to chat about our character and ship, how to crush them and then gushing over fluffy moments. I love crying over characters and what the heck they’re doing. I want my heart ripped from my chest from angst, then feeling like it’s going to burst from overwhelming cuteness. I want us to love these characters and the world we create. I want to make pinterest boards, spotify playlists, graphics, and toss headcanons back and forth until late at night.
- Have an idea for a scene? Found a picture that inspired you? Send it to me! Be invested when it comes to plotting/worldbuilding. There’s nothing worse than receiving one sentence in reply to two paragraphs of ideas, or having a doormat partner who says “sure” to whatever I ask. Building ideas one on top of the other, watching them snowball into amazing plot threads brings me joy. But having to pull plot ideas like I’m pulling teeth makes me think you’re not interested, and I will lose interest in return. Don't make me carry the entire story.
- While I'd prefer real life face claims, I'd also be open to using realistic art if you're uncomfortable with real life. Though I draw the line at anime/cartoon style art.
modern fantasy, monsters, sci-fi, post apocalyptic/dystopia, soulmates, southern gothic/midwest gothic (i’m a sucker for that southern/texas drawl), horror, grumpy dark men x fiery sweet women, height/size difference, enemies to lovers, slow burn romance, spooky small towns, mysteries/crime, and much more!
I have lots of original plot ideas in mind as well.
Fandoms (OCS ONLY)
Star Wars, Stranger Things, Mercy Thompson Series, True Blood, The Last of Us, Hunger Games, Fallout (TV Show)
I only use discord to write. Drop me a PM or chat message. The most effective way to grab my genuine interest is by messaging me as if we've been friends for years. Please let me know which interests you liked from my ad.
2024.05.18 14:08 philthehippy Letters from, to, and about J.R.R. Tolkien sent this week (13 - 19 May)
Hello all, below are a selection of letters sent from, to, and about J. R. R. Tolkien in the week of 13 to 19 May. (Links lead to our 'On This Day' page where you can search all dates and see other letters on any day.)
13 May
JRRT to C.A. Furth (at George Allen & Unwin) 13 May 1937 - Tolkien writes, offering his thoughts on a potential publication of The Hobbit in the US. He says that he can produce the illustrations requested or if they prefer, they can contract another artist for the work. He does however say that he would want to veto anything that is too alike to a Disney style.
JRRT to Rayner Unwin (at George Allen & Unwin) 13 May 1954 - Tolkien expresses his pleasure at the opinions of The Lord of the Rings. He is not pleased with the Houghton Mifflin edition for the USA market and offers some suggestions to improve it.
JRRT to Joy Hill (at George Allen & Unwin) - 13 May 1966 - Writing to his secretary, Tolkien thanks her for the packets sent to him. He would like a ticket for a Donald Swann concert and notes that he will not send anything to be used in the Tolkien Reader. He notes that The Homecoming of Beorhtnoth would be much more suited to a collected volume than anything connected to The Lord of the Rings, which had been suggested by Stanley Unwin.
14 May
G.B. Smith to JRRT ?14 May 1915 - Smith writes to Tolkien asking him to send his poem, 'Goblin Feet' to the editor of Oxford Poetry, 1915.
Christopher Wiseman to JRRT 19 May 1917 - Wiseman returns manuscripts of G.B. Smith's poetry to Tolkien.
JRRT to Christopher Tolkien 14 May 1944 - Writing to his son Christopher, Tolkien gives updates on The Lord of the Rings among other happenings. He has heard C.S. Lewis reading from some chapters of his work, The Great Divorce.
JRRT to Joy Hill (at George Allen & Unwin) 14 May 1962 - Tolkien sends corrected proofs for The Adventures of Tom Bombadil.
JRRT to Jonathan Wordsworth 14 May 1972 - Tolkien writes to Wordsworth accepting an invitation to dine with 'The Society', an Oxford Dining club.
15 May
JRRT to Florence Williams (wife of Charles Williams) 15 May 1945 - Tolkien writes expresses his sympathy to Florence and her son on the death of Charles Williams.
George S. Gordon to Kenneth Sisam 15 May 1924 - Tolkien's co-editor on the Clarendon Chauver writes to Kenneth Sisam to say that Tolkien has agreed to retire from the project.
16 May
JRRT to Rayner Unwin (at George Allen & Unwin) 16 May 1958 - Tolkien gives Rayner Unwin an update on his health, namely after some dental issues. he notes that he has not been able to work on the matter of the Zimmerman Lord of the Rings movie but includes some commentary.
Edith Tolkien to Alan Rook 16 May 1939 - Edith writes to Alan Rook, a student from Oxford, inviting him to the Tolkien's home at the weekend.
17 May
JRRT to H.S. Bennet 17 May 1954 - Tolkien writes on C.S. Lewis' proposed move to Cambridge.
JRRT to David Best 17 May 1967 - Tolkien replies to a fan who had written to Tolkien, including a version of Tom Bombadil written in English runes.
18 May
JRRT to Robert Theodore Meyer 18 May 1972 - Tolkien writes, declining a request to be interviewed.
Henry Willink to JRRT 18 May 1949 - Willink gives Tolkien an update on his wifes ill-health. he also remarks on his admiration and appreciation for The Hobbit.
19 May
JRRT to Miss Turnbull 19 May 1955 - Tolkien thanks Miss Turnbull for a gift and says that he at last sent proofs for The Return of The King to his publisher.
JRRT to Dr. Zettersten 19 May 1959 - Tolkien writes, remarking that Ancrene Wisse is now at the press and publication will depend on hwo quickly he can return the proofs.
Tags on the letters above include The Hobbit, Illustrations, US publishing, The Lord of the Rings, C.S. Lewis, Fæder his suna, The Adventures of Tom Bombadil, Oxford University, Poetry, World War I, Catholocism, Charles Williams, Clarendon Chaucer, George S. Gordon, The Lord of the Rings movie, Runes, The Return of the King, Ancrene Wisse, Health, A Spring Harvest.
submitted by philthehippy to TolkienGuide [link] [comments]
13 May
JRRT to C.A. Furth (at George Allen & Unwin) 13 May 1937 - Tolkien writes, offering his thoughts on a potential publication of The Hobbit in the US. He says that he can produce the illustrations requested or if they prefer, they can contract another artist for the work. He does however say that he would want to veto anything that is too alike to a Disney style.
JRRT to Rayner Unwin (at George Allen & Unwin) 13 May 1954 - Tolkien expresses his pleasure at the opinions of The Lord of the Rings. He is not pleased with the Houghton Mifflin edition for the USA market and offers some suggestions to improve it.
JRRT to Joy Hill (at George Allen & Unwin) - 13 May 1966 - Writing to his secretary, Tolkien thanks her for the packets sent to him. He would like a ticket for a Donald Swann concert and notes that he will not send anything to be used in the Tolkien Reader. He notes that The Homecoming of Beorhtnoth would be much more suited to a collected volume than anything connected to The Lord of the Rings, which had been suggested by Stanley Unwin.
14 May
G.B. Smith to JRRT ?14 May 1915 - Smith writes to Tolkien asking him to send his poem, 'Goblin Feet' to the editor of Oxford Poetry, 1915.
Christopher Wiseman to JRRT 19 May 1917 - Wiseman returns manuscripts of G.B. Smith's poetry to Tolkien.
JRRT to Christopher Tolkien 14 May 1944 - Writing to his son Christopher, Tolkien gives updates on The Lord of the Rings among other happenings. He has heard C.S. Lewis reading from some chapters of his work, The Great Divorce.
JRRT to Joy Hill (at George Allen & Unwin) 14 May 1962 - Tolkien sends corrected proofs for The Adventures of Tom Bombadil.
JRRT to Jonathan Wordsworth 14 May 1972 - Tolkien writes to Wordsworth accepting an invitation to dine with 'The Society', an Oxford Dining club.
15 May
JRRT to Florence Williams (wife of Charles Williams) 15 May 1945 - Tolkien writes expresses his sympathy to Florence and her son on the death of Charles Williams.
George S. Gordon to Kenneth Sisam 15 May 1924 - Tolkien's co-editor on the Clarendon Chauver writes to Kenneth Sisam to say that Tolkien has agreed to retire from the project.
16 May
JRRT to Rayner Unwin (at George Allen & Unwin) 16 May 1958 - Tolkien gives Rayner Unwin an update on his health, namely after some dental issues. he notes that he has not been able to work on the matter of the Zimmerman Lord of the Rings movie but includes some commentary.
Edith Tolkien to Alan Rook 16 May 1939 - Edith writes to Alan Rook, a student from Oxford, inviting him to the Tolkien's home at the weekend.
17 May
JRRT to H.S. Bennet 17 May 1954 - Tolkien writes on C.S. Lewis' proposed move to Cambridge.
JRRT to David Best 17 May 1967 - Tolkien replies to a fan who had written to Tolkien, including a version of Tom Bombadil written in English runes.
18 May
JRRT to Robert Theodore Meyer 18 May 1972 - Tolkien writes, declining a request to be interviewed.
Henry Willink to JRRT 18 May 1949 - Willink gives Tolkien an update on his wifes ill-health. he also remarks on his admiration and appreciation for The Hobbit.
19 May
JRRT to Miss Turnbull 19 May 1955 - Tolkien thanks Miss Turnbull for a gift and says that he at last sent proofs for The Return of The King to his publisher.
JRRT to Dr. Zettersten 19 May 1959 - Tolkien writes, remarking that Ancrene Wisse is now at the press and publication will depend on hwo quickly he can return the proofs.
Tags on the letters above include The Hobbit, Illustrations, US publishing, The Lord of the Rings, C.S. Lewis, Fæder his suna, The Adventures of Tom Bombadil, Oxford University, Poetry, World War I, Catholocism, Charles Williams, Clarendon Chaucer, George S. Gordon, The Lord of the Rings movie, Runes, The Return of the King, Ancrene Wisse, Health, A Spring Harvest.
2024.05.18 14:06 Any-Experience-1972 should i run away to my dad's?
mom has always been violent since she was a kid...when she got married she had problems with my dad and would obsess over him or any minor detail (since he would leave for day she'd lose her mind over him showing up to get me from school or something) ive had many bruises from her throughout my life but it never phased me until this year....i ran away before to my grandma's house which wasn't that far but it didn't help cz they let her take me that same day now she recently threw a medicine bottle on me and it hit my eye and gave me a nosebleed i couldn't accept how i look now with the bruises and everything and i wanna go live with my dad and force her to get a therapist since she said she didn't regret it and that she would do it again calling child services wouldn't be that big of a deal here in algeria but i already got my dad's house and its a safe spot as far as i know and she doesn't know where it is can y'all give me some advice pls?
submitted by Any-Experience-1972 to teenagers [link] [comments]
2024.05.18 14:03 Ecstatic-Jump7214 A Hotel which Is corrupted.
Yesterday i was going to a resort to Lou loua hotel resort, which is known for a good place, right next to a beach. Me and my family was planning to go there, untill the Receptionist started fighting with us ( not in like hand fighting face to face, just using words fighting ). He said that My cousin which is 13 years old counted as an adult and my mom had to pay for a supposedly a 13 year old adult. Futhermore to give my claim that this hotel is corrupted my moms mom could not stay there for even 2 hours and my mom had to pay for her to stay. A little while later my Mom called the manager of the hotel to see what is wrong with the receptionist , and the manager said the same thing. "this 13 year old boy is a adult and my moms mom could not stay for 2 hours". So after a little while we left because the Disrespectfulness. and one more thing to mention they said that any damaged caused would be 200 dirhams! which is 50 dollars. So we decided to leave and my mom called the authorities and we moved to another hotel next to a beach.
submitted by Ecstatic-Jump7214 to u/Ecstatic-Jump7214 [link] [comments]
2024.05.18 14:02 halibabica Only Old-School Fans Would Know
 | submitted by halibabica to DDLCTakeTwo [link] [comments] |
2024.05.18 14:02 pilates-5505 Hypocritical Christian?
One thing I never could get over with Dave is being hypocritical with being "Christian" and helping others. He talks to SO many young, single women, many not married with babies and gives them FPU or his every dollar app and tells them to find "a good church" and community. But then he fires anyone who works with him and needs money to help bring up their child. He fires when just having sex but to find out someone is 12 wks pregnant and fire them, how does he do both faces? I wish at times someone would say an employer did that to them in a call, but where would that happen? I think many places have laws. Tennessee might not.
I know this is a man who said if his daughters didn't "behave" after he died, they'd lose money. Not sure what paperwork would see that through, someone watching them? I don't even want to waste the brain space.
I just wondered if anyone balks every time they help a young person and give empathy but really he isn't like that at all.
He also had this in the news but fits more his lifestyle. I disagree with what he did in both cases but more shocked at the pregnancy.
"Dave Ramsey’s company settled a lawsuit that alleged the Franklin corporation pressured an employee to resign after the employee came out as a lesbian.
The $76,900 settlement between Ramsey Solutions and Julie Anne Stamps concludes one of three federal lawsuits that former employees filed in recent years.
The lawsuits, in concert with other former employees speaking out, have raised questions about workplace practices and policies at the for-profit company headed by Ramsey, a finance guru, host of a nationally syndicated radio show and a conservative evangelical Christian figure."
submitted by pilates-5505 to DirtyDave [link] [comments]
I know this is a man who said if his daughters didn't "behave" after he died, they'd lose money. Not sure what paperwork would see that through, someone watching them? I don't even want to waste the brain space.
I just wondered if anyone balks every time they help a young person and give empathy but really he isn't like that at all.
He also had this in the news but fits more his lifestyle. I disagree with what he did in both cases but more shocked at the pregnancy.
"Dave Ramsey’s company settled a lawsuit that alleged the Franklin corporation pressured an employee to resign after the employee came out as a lesbian.
The $76,900 settlement between Ramsey Solutions and Julie Anne Stamps concludes one of three federal lawsuits that former employees filed in recent years.
The lawsuits, in concert with other former employees speaking out, have raised questions about workplace practices and policies at the for-profit company headed by Ramsey, a finance guru, host of a nationally syndicated radio show and a conservative evangelical Christian figure."
2024.05.18 14:01 karakickass Week 20: "Chapter 41. The Introduction, Chapter 42. Monsieur Bertuccio" Reading Discussion
In which mostly polite things are said, and yet, so much might have been said.
Synopsis:
After Albert's other friends have left, he takes Monte Cristo to his attic where he stores all his treasures. There, MC continues to delight him with his worldliness and knowledge. MC also notes a portrait of a Catalan woman, looking quite in the fashion of her people, staring longingly out to sea. Albert tells that he loves the portrait of his mother, but it caused some strife between his father and her when she first had it commissioned.
Leaving with Albert, Monte Cristo arrives at the home of the proper Count de Morcerf. He notes the heraldry seems to be of the old kind, and not the new kind. [I confess I was a bit out of the loop on all the significance there.] This seems to imply that their family is truly connected by blood to an old family, which was mentioned before, and they are not some new money aristocrats -- which they most definitely must be, considering Fernand is also a Catalan!
MC is introduced to Morcerf and flatters him properly, then Mercédès comes in and she is strongly affected by seeing MC. Although words are said between them, not much other than thanking him for saving her son is said, then MC is off to his new home and with his shiny newsportscar horses.
Once he is gone, Mercédès is quite stricken. She questions Albert then admonishes him to "beware." But Albert dimisses thiis and she gives in.
Finally we see MC order around Bertuccio in a casual way, and spread the money around with the Notary. However, we get a hint that the house he bought is actually a key part of the grand plan.
Discussion:
submitted by karakickass to AReadingOfMonteCristo [link] [comments]
Synopsis:
After Albert's other friends have left, he takes Monte Cristo to his attic where he stores all his treasures. There, MC continues to delight him with his worldliness and knowledge. MC also notes a portrait of a Catalan woman, looking quite in the fashion of her people, staring longingly out to sea. Albert tells that he loves the portrait of his mother, but it caused some strife between his father and her when she first had it commissioned.
Leaving with Albert, Monte Cristo arrives at the home of the proper Count de Morcerf. He notes the heraldry seems to be of the old kind, and not the new kind. [I confess I was a bit out of the loop on all the significance there.] This seems to imply that their family is truly connected by blood to an old family, which was mentioned before, and they are not some new money aristocrats -- which they most definitely must be, considering Fernand is also a Catalan!
MC is introduced to Morcerf and flatters him properly, then Mercédès comes in and she is strongly affected by seeing MC. Although words are said between them, not much other than thanking him for saving her son is said, then MC is off to his new home and with his shiny new
Once he is gone, Mercédès is quite stricken. She questions Albert then admonishes him to "beware." But Albert dimisses thiis and she gives in.
Finally we see MC order around Bertuccio in a casual way, and spread the money around with the Notary. However, we get a hint that the house he bought is actually a key part of the grand plan.
Discussion:
- Fernand appears to be mis-representing his pedigree, not dissimilar to how MC is also misrepresenting his. What do you make of this development and the parallelism of this?
- Put yourself in Mercédès' headspace. What do you think she was thinking?
- MC seems to be "in character" most of the time. That whole scene with Bertuccio... real? Or just a way to build his reputation?
2024.05.18 14:01 TranslatorHour4909 Shahmaran, the KURDISH legend ❤️☀️💚
 | Shamaran wan an orphan girl, she lived with her old grandmother and was distinguished by beauty, and wisdom. She loved a poor young man from the village, and as soon as the news of her love for the poor young man reached her cousin, the oppressive Agha, he became mad and went to her and said to her, “Now I know the reason for your refusal to marry me, so know that if you are not mine, you will definitely be in the dust.” submitted by TranslatorHour4909 to kurdistan [link] [comments] Day after day, the Agha asks for her hand in marriage, but she refuses and tells him that death is easier for me than to marry an oppressor like you. When the Agha despaired of her refusal to marry him, and his story became on the lips of all the villagers, he searched for a way to get rid of the girl and her lover as quickly as possible, so he ordered some of those who worked for him to bring The girl's lover went to the girl's house, tied her lover up, and the Agha asked her for the last time to marry him on the condition that she agreed to leave her lover alone, and if she refused, then death would be their fate together. The girl refused again and told him that life with you is death itself. So the oppressor killed her lover first and went out to the village and shouted, calling on the people of the village and saying, “This is the reason she refused to marry me because she was not a virgin. Come, I caught them red-handed,” so all the villagers gathered in the land. They agreed to kill her because she had brought shame on the people of her village, and as soon as her old grandmother heard the village people’s intention to kill her, she said to her, “Run, my daughter, hurry, run as fast as you can. God will protect you and protect all the innocents.” So the girl, the Agha, and the people of the village ran after her to kill her, and the girl was running and could not see in front of her because of the darkness, until the poor girl fell into a deep well and fainted. When the people of the village reached her and saw that she had fallen into the well, they thought she had died and she received her punishment. She woke up crying in severe pain because her legs were broken. After hours had passed, she felt thirsty and hungry, so she started walking on her hands and dragging her legs behind her, searching for some water. While searching, she found a hole inside the well, so she entered it to see a wide place with a river flowing, and in it were fruits and full of jewelry. She drank the water and saw a giant snake approaching her and saying to her, “Do not be afraid, you are safe, Put your body in the water and you will be healed" So the girl put the bottom of her body in the water and she was healed and no longer felt pain, but the bottom of her body turned into a snake. The girl lived with the snakes (Maran), so she was called Shah Maran. The Queen of Snakes. Every night she would go out and help the needy, so she would place money for the poor and medicine for the sick at the doorstep. There was a young man named Janu who found a well full of honey, so he decided to go with his companion to extract the honey. Janu went down to the well and started filling the bucket with honey, while his companion pulled the honey. When the honey from the well ran out and it was Janu’s turn for his companion to pull him from the well, his companion left him in the well alone, shouting and calling for help. To no avail, until Janu heard the hissing of a snake, The young man saw a group of snakes in front of him, and a huge snake approached him and said: Come with me, so the snake took him with him to seven levels underground. and as soon as he approached, he saw a very beautiful girl, half of whom was a woman and the other half a snake. Janu told her his story and his companion’s betrayal of him. She also told him what the people of her village had done to her and accused her of treason. She said to him, “I will pull you out of the well, Janu, on the condition that you don’t.” Tell someone where I am. Days passed and the ruler of the country fell ill with a disease that no one was able to cure. So they brought in a charlatan who was known for magic. The charlatan said that the king’s medicine was in the head of Shah Maran, the Queen of Snakes. Everyone said that it was a legend that no one had seen. The charlatan replied that whoever saw it had the mark of a snake on his back, so they searched the country for the one who had seen it. He carried the mark, and of course they found the desired young man, but he refused to reveal its location, but under torture and beatings by the king’s soldiers and threatening to kill his mother, Janu surrendered and took them to the well in which Shah Maran was, so the sorcerer read some of his books and threw some magic into the well, and it was only moments before Shah Maran came out of the well. Janu said to the king, “Before you kill her, let me speak to her for the last time.” Janu said to Shah Maran, “Please forgive me.” Shah Maran said to him, “I forgive you, Janu. Betrayal is repeated, but Janu, be careful when they cut off my head. Three cups of liquid will come out of it. The first cup is poison. The sorcerer will give you so that you die, and the cup will come out.” The second cup is medicine for the king, and the third cup, wisdom and knowledge, will be taken by the charlatan for himself. They cut off Shah Maran’s head and took out three cups of liquid from it, so Janu replaced the cups, so Janu drank the cup of wisdom and knowledge, the king drank the cup of medicine and was healed, and the charlatan drank the cup of poison and died. This was the story of Shah Maran, the Queen of Snakes. I hope you like it..... |
2024.05.18 14:01 Due-Environment-5513 My sis 30F and I 27F had a fight and her wedding is coming up. WHAT SHOULD I DO? VERY LONG
A little back story, my sister is like a second mom to me. She always took care of me when I was younger, we had a little gap in our relationship once I reached my teenage years until I turned 22 I believe. She also helped me out a lot as an adult when I was doing bad, and helped with the kids, which I am very grateful for. I am doing 100% better financially and life wise thankfully and we grew very close. She comes over to my house daily and we chat. I love her very much. She is or was? My best friend.
On Friday, our mom had a gastric balloon inserted and the plan was that my sister will drive her to the hospital, and then she will drop mom off to stay with me and I will look after her for a week.
Unfortunately, or irresponsibly I kept postponing my oil change and drove 400 miles over and my plan was to get that done and a few other tasks on Friday before it was time to get kids from school and watch mom. Plans changed and my sister made an appointment on Friday at 10 AM and I had to go to the hospital and switch out with her. My mom and I left the hospital around 11:30 AM. I called my sister, asked her if she will be able to come keep mom’s company at 3, so I can get kids, change oil, and go get my bonus child “A” from an hour away. She told me no she cannot leave work, and I said ok. She asked me “why?” I answered and told her my to do list. She told me everything can be postponed till Saturday, and my husband can borrow her car and pick up “A” alone. I said “aww ok” she asked why do you wanna go anyways? I told her I enjoy it. She told me ok well u got a more important task which is take care of mom. I agreed and we hung up.
My mom overheard me mention my oil change. She said she was okay because of the strong meds and to go get it done because its bad for the car. I asked her are you sure? About three times before I turned away from the house and went to get it changed. Now, I know what I did was wrong. I should’ve just kept it to myself and drove us home. I was a bit stressed because of the over 400 miles and indeed could’ve waited till Saturday. I was selfish and very wrong for it and was unaware mom was being a mom.
My sister called me yelling and said angrily: “Where are you?! Ima come get mom! Screw my important work I’ll call in so u can go enjoy doing things” Me: “Take 5.” and she proceeded to yell at me extremely loudly bc I’m at Take 5 and about how selfish and unreliable I am. I asked her why is she talking to me like this? She said because I don’t want to watch our mom. I’m selfish, etc. I said to her that was not what happened and that I agreed to watch her and I have no issues. She accused me of gaslighting and that I am only watching her because she “blocked” all the excuses I had to not watch her by lending my husband her car for the long drive, and suggesting it can wait until Saturday. I said “that’s not what happened. You asked me why I was asking you to watch our mom.” (I thought I was talkin to a friend and told her whats on my mind..) Her “This is the first time I see a toxic trait from you!!” and kept interrupting me (the whole time yelling) “I’M NOT UR EFFIN HUSBAND I’M NOT GONNA GO IN CIRCLES WITH YOU. I’M ON MY WAY TO GET HER.” I said “ok I’ll see u” and we said bye then before hanging up she said in a disgusted tone “Gaslighting bich” I sent her the address and texted her that she was very mean.. She called me immediately yelling “You wanna fight?! I’ll fkin fight” and said many mean things yelling… I said “No. I’m not trying to” she kept going off and I repeated many Okay’s as I couldn’t let a sentence out.
The oil change was done, and I had to leave the area, so I called her to let her know. “Hey where are you? I just got done and left take 5” She started screaming at me even more “Are we playing games?!! I’m already effin here!“ Me: “I had to leave to the main road, Take 5 exit force-“ Her: “ ENOUGH WITH THE EXCUSES! COME BACK IMMEDIATELY! YOU SHOULD’VE CHECKED WITH ME BEFORE LEAVING.” Me: thats what I was doing… but no worries I am making a U-Turn, I literally just left.” She said many things and I just kept saying “ok” she called me disrespectful for saying many okays and hung up.
I immediately started crying because I felt so bad about myself. The whole time I was talking in a respectful tone and I felt so misunderstood.. she was not listening to me. Maybe I’m sensitive..I understand what I did was selfish, but I believe in effective communication and not attacking ppl.
Mother’s day comes up, she texts me abt a present at the door. She bought me a balloon and a teddy with flowers with a really sweet note. Mind you, I did not talk to her for almost two days. I was giving her space bc when I tried telling her she was mean to me she went off on me even more. I texted her thank u and cant wait for the day where we celebrate it together. (She wants to be a mom soon)
Monday, mom comes over and my sister calls her and finds out she is at my house. My sister called me and asked “why are you not talking to me?” I said because of Friday. The yelling and calling me gaslighter, toxic, b*ch really hurt my feelings. She yelled at me some more and said “after everything I’ve done for you, YOU cutting ME off?!! YOU?!” And listed a few major things she done for me and that she has a car seat in her car right now for whenever I needed help. Her: “WHO DOES THAT FOR SOMEONE? NOBODY!” Me: “I know you’re a great sister , bu-“ Her:“YOU UPSET WITH ME? WHAT U DID WAS WORSE! AWFUL AND SELFISH”
I couldn’t get a sentence out. She was crying, I was crying. I said please let me talk.. she said go ahead and right as I was starting my sentence she told me she wants nothing to do with me, or my kids. To not show up at her wedding or house or else cops will be called. Then blocked me.
I found out she forgot to block me on an app so I messaged her there but then she blocked me there too without reading any.
Yesterday, Friday, I was driving mom to DPS to get her D.L & sis called mom and asked her to put her on speaker. She indirectly was talking to me “Hey mom I think “M” is tryna come up with excuses to not show up, and using the cops as an excuse. She obviously has lots of grudges deep inside towards me bc no way all these feelings came out of nowhere. She is hateful inside.”
She said I have a victim mentality, and need serious mental help and that I knew she was all talk and sisters fight.
I responded: “I’m not used to being yelled at, disowned and blocked casually. Never happened before. Of course I took it seriously.”
Her: “Obviously I will not call the cops on u if u show up. There ya go. I did what I should do & invited u and ur welcomed but it makes no difference to me whether u show up or not bc now I know where I stand. What my “value” is to you. Obviously ur looking for a reason to not talk to me or show up to my wedding. Just know ur welcomed but idc if u come or not.”
I love her very much but my feelings were hurt badly.. She said I am unappreciative and “you know whats going on with me! I have many issues, the wedding, work/school, and just got my period!” then compared herself to my husband who yelled at me last week that “I kiss his a** and excuse him, but me, u dont excuse me and stopped talking to me for two days?”
Me: “that is not true bc my spouse and I didnt talk till he apolog-“
Her: u know that BS
Me: I always excuse yo-
Anywho she said “we will never go back to being close again.” and as a sister I am welcomed to the wedding. I said to her that I am too old to be yelled and screamed at like this, we’re not kids anymore. She said “Shame on u to say that. That’s exactly what a child would say. If you’re so mature you would’ve came and talked to me like an adult and let me know that you’re upset with me.”
Me: “that’s literally what I did and got screamed at and insulted, I gave you spa-”
Her: stop I’m not acknowledging what ur saying and ur not acknowledging what I’m saying so its best to not talk until you can comprehend what I’m saying. For tonight, lay in bed and put yourself in my shoes. Picture everything I’ve done for you and how you’re treating me.”
Me *sobbing: “BUT I ONLY DIDNT TALK TO YOU FOR TWOO DAYYYYSSS I WAS GIVING YOU SPACEEE YOU WERE YELLING ATT MEE. I SAID A COMMENT TO YOU AND YOU DIDNT TALK TO ME FOR TWO WEEKS AND I APOLOGIZED ALMOST EVERY SINGLE DA-“
Her: Yes and then I came over even cried and apologized for cutting you off for two weeks.”
Me: finishing my sentence I EXPRESSED TO YOU HOW YOU HURT MY FEELINGS U BLOCKED ME AND DISOWNED ME.”
Her: “Yes. and I apologize for calling u a gaslighting bi*ch.”
Me: U DIDNT.
Her “I am now! I just said I APOLOGIZE. And look at you I am talking to you all normal and look at you all yelling at me and I’m still cool and calm.”
Me: “ I WASNT YELLIN I AM SOBBING MY VOICE IS CRACKED IM CRYING AND MOM HAS YOU ON SPEAKER AND I AM DRIVING ON A HIGHWAY”
Her: “no u were yelling. Even ask “S” I have u on speaker she hears u right now. You have a victim mentality, bro. Seriously. If this is how u see it then u just got a victim mentality. I’m genuine ur sick u need that checked out thats very serious.” (S is my other sister, here for the wedding)
Me: “Idk maybe I do. All I know is this is how I feel. I’m very hurt.”
Her: “What broke me the most is that I got you a mother’s day present like an idiot and lost a part of my pride unknowingly while ur there upset. What? Ur waiting for me to come kiss ur a**?”
DetailsI said an insulting comment a few months ago. She spotted and I told her its abnormal and that preggos usually spot. I know she’s a virgin, and have no doubts. That’s why I said it is abnormal. She thought I was hinting she was pregnant, yelled at me and said “YOU THINK EVERYONE IS A WHRE LIKE YOU?!” and she didnt talk to me for two weeks. I cried and apologized to her many times at the time, but she was too angry. Which is why I thought in this current situation space would be a good idea because she seemed very angry at me, but I guess I was wrong.
I am losing my mind. I feel so wronged but she says I’m wrong?! She said I do not value or appreciate her bc I didnt let her know I was upset and that I purposely didn’t talk to her for two days? But when I said “it goes both ways! U do not value me u rather disown me and block me over-“
Her: “theres a big difference between u and me. I did a lot for u. We’re not the same.” Her: “go trauma bond with your husband over what I did and disrespect me together. Isn’t trauma bond the reason y’all together? You’re welcome”
WHAAAAT?!! HOW CAN I DISRESPECT MY SIS OR ALLOW MY HUSBAND TO DISRESPECT HER?!!
She was very angry that she bought me a mothers day present and said if she had known I was upset she wouldn’t have gotten me a teddy. I said “u didn’t know bc I’m the one that got yelled at..” she shut me up basically and said I am sick in the head and love to be a victim.. I’m so frustrated.
What should I do? I am very hurt but also don’t want to make it a bigger deal by not showing up. I felt like dirt.. I’m not a punching bag.. she doesnt yell at me often. Just this week.. Last week she yelled at me for parking her car wrong and I apologized then texted her and apologized some more bc she was furious and then she said its ok that she was just hungry… How is it my fault she’s hungry?
Do I show up to the wedding? Do I let our relationship die and just be casual sisters? Do I apologize to her for overreacting?
P.s. all the dashes are her cutting me off.
I wish it allowed me to upload screenshots of what I texted her
submitted by Due-Environment-5513 to AITAH [link] [comments]
On Friday, our mom had a gastric balloon inserted and the plan was that my sister will drive her to the hospital, and then she will drop mom off to stay with me and I will look after her for a week.
Unfortunately, or irresponsibly I kept postponing my oil change and drove 400 miles over and my plan was to get that done and a few other tasks on Friday before it was time to get kids from school and watch mom. Plans changed and my sister made an appointment on Friday at 10 AM and I had to go to the hospital and switch out with her. My mom and I left the hospital around 11:30 AM. I called my sister, asked her if she will be able to come keep mom’s company at 3, so I can get kids, change oil, and go get my bonus child “A” from an hour away. She told me no she cannot leave work, and I said ok. She asked me “why?” I answered and told her my to do list. She told me everything can be postponed till Saturday, and my husband can borrow her car and pick up “A” alone. I said “aww ok” she asked why do you wanna go anyways? I told her I enjoy it. She told me ok well u got a more important task which is take care of mom. I agreed and we hung up.
My mom overheard me mention my oil change. She said she was okay because of the strong meds and to go get it done because its bad for the car. I asked her are you sure? About three times before I turned away from the house and went to get it changed. Now, I know what I did was wrong. I should’ve just kept it to myself and drove us home. I was a bit stressed because of the over 400 miles and indeed could’ve waited till Saturday. I was selfish and very wrong for it and was unaware mom was being a mom.
My sister called me yelling and said angrily: “Where are you?! Ima come get mom! Screw my important work I’ll call in so u can go enjoy doing things” Me: “Take 5.” and she proceeded to yell at me extremely loudly bc I’m at Take 5 and about how selfish and unreliable I am. I asked her why is she talking to me like this? She said because I don’t want to watch our mom. I’m selfish, etc. I said to her that was not what happened and that I agreed to watch her and I have no issues. She accused me of gaslighting and that I am only watching her because she “blocked” all the excuses I had to not watch her by lending my husband her car for the long drive, and suggesting it can wait until Saturday. I said “that’s not what happened. You asked me why I was asking you to watch our mom.” (I thought I was talkin to a friend and told her whats on my mind..) Her “This is the first time I see a toxic trait from you!!” and kept interrupting me (the whole time yelling) “I’M NOT UR EFFIN HUSBAND I’M NOT GONNA GO IN CIRCLES WITH YOU. I’M ON MY WAY TO GET HER.” I said “ok I’ll see u” and we said bye then before hanging up she said in a disgusted tone “Gaslighting bich” I sent her the address and texted her that she was very mean.. She called me immediately yelling “You wanna fight?! I’ll fkin fight” and said many mean things yelling… I said “No. I’m not trying to” she kept going off and I repeated many Okay’s as I couldn’t let a sentence out.
The oil change was done, and I had to leave the area, so I called her to let her know. “Hey where are you? I just got done and left take 5” She started screaming at me even more “Are we playing games?!! I’m already effin here!“ Me: “I had to leave to the main road, Take 5 exit force-“ Her: “ ENOUGH WITH THE EXCUSES! COME BACK IMMEDIATELY! YOU SHOULD’VE CHECKED WITH ME BEFORE LEAVING.” Me: thats what I was doing… but no worries I am making a U-Turn, I literally just left.” She said many things and I just kept saying “ok” she called me disrespectful for saying many okays and hung up.
I immediately started crying because I felt so bad about myself. The whole time I was talking in a respectful tone and I felt so misunderstood.. she was not listening to me. Maybe I’m sensitive..I understand what I did was selfish, but I believe in effective communication and not attacking ppl.
Mother’s day comes up, she texts me abt a present at the door. She bought me a balloon and a teddy with flowers with a really sweet note. Mind you, I did not talk to her for almost two days. I was giving her space bc when I tried telling her she was mean to me she went off on me even more. I texted her thank u and cant wait for the day where we celebrate it together. (She wants to be a mom soon)
Monday, mom comes over and my sister calls her and finds out she is at my house. My sister called me and asked “why are you not talking to me?” I said because of Friday. The yelling and calling me gaslighter, toxic, b*ch really hurt my feelings. She yelled at me some more and said “after everything I’ve done for you, YOU cutting ME off?!! YOU?!” And listed a few major things she done for me and that she has a car seat in her car right now for whenever I needed help. Her: “WHO DOES THAT FOR SOMEONE? NOBODY!” Me: “I know you’re a great sister , bu-“ Her:“YOU UPSET WITH ME? WHAT U DID WAS WORSE! AWFUL AND SELFISH”
I couldn’t get a sentence out. She was crying, I was crying. I said please let me talk.. she said go ahead and right as I was starting my sentence she told me she wants nothing to do with me, or my kids. To not show up at her wedding or house or else cops will be called. Then blocked me.
I found out she forgot to block me on an app so I messaged her there but then she blocked me there too without reading any.
Yesterday, Friday, I was driving mom to DPS to get her D.L & sis called mom and asked her to put her on speaker. She indirectly was talking to me “Hey mom I think “M” is tryna come up with excuses to not show up, and using the cops as an excuse. She obviously has lots of grudges deep inside towards me bc no way all these feelings came out of nowhere. She is hateful inside.”
She said I have a victim mentality, and need serious mental help and that I knew she was all talk and sisters fight.
I responded: “I’m not used to being yelled at, disowned and blocked casually. Never happened before. Of course I took it seriously.”
Her: “Obviously I will not call the cops on u if u show up. There ya go. I did what I should do & invited u and ur welcomed but it makes no difference to me whether u show up or not bc now I know where I stand. What my “value” is to you. Obviously ur looking for a reason to not talk to me or show up to my wedding. Just know ur welcomed but idc if u come or not.”
I love her very much but my feelings were hurt badly.. She said I am unappreciative and “you know whats going on with me! I have many issues, the wedding, work/school, and just got my period!” then compared herself to my husband who yelled at me last week that “I kiss his a** and excuse him, but me, u dont excuse me and stopped talking to me for two days?”
Me: “that is not true bc my spouse and I didnt talk till he apolog-“
Her: u know that BS
Me: I always excuse yo-
Anywho she said “we will never go back to being close again.” and as a sister I am welcomed to the wedding. I said to her that I am too old to be yelled and screamed at like this, we’re not kids anymore. She said “Shame on u to say that. That’s exactly what a child would say. If you’re so mature you would’ve came and talked to me like an adult and let me know that you’re upset with me.”
Me: “that’s literally what I did and got screamed at and insulted, I gave you spa-”
Her: stop I’m not acknowledging what ur saying and ur not acknowledging what I’m saying so its best to not talk until you can comprehend what I’m saying. For tonight, lay in bed and put yourself in my shoes. Picture everything I’ve done for you and how you’re treating me.”
Me *sobbing: “BUT I ONLY DIDNT TALK TO YOU FOR TWOO DAYYYYSSS I WAS GIVING YOU SPACEEE YOU WERE YELLING ATT MEE. I SAID A COMMENT TO YOU AND YOU DIDNT TALK TO ME FOR TWO WEEKS AND I APOLOGIZED ALMOST EVERY SINGLE DA-“
Her: Yes and then I came over even cried and apologized for cutting you off for two weeks.”
Me: finishing my sentence I EXPRESSED TO YOU HOW YOU HURT MY FEELINGS U BLOCKED ME AND DISOWNED ME.”
Her: “Yes. and I apologize for calling u a gaslighting bi*ch.”
Me: U DIDNT.
Her “I am now! I just said I APOLOGIZE. And look at you I am talking to you all normal and look at you all yelling at me and I’m still cool and calm.”
Me: “ I WASNT YELLIN I AM SOBBING MY VOICE IS CRACKED IM CRYING AND MOM HAS YOU ON SPEAKER AND I AM DRIVING ON A HIGHWAY”
Her: “no u were yelling. Even ask “S” I have u on speaker she hears u right now. You have a victim mentality, bro. Seriously. If this is how u see it then u just got a victim mentality. I’m genuine ur sick u need that checked out thats very serious.” (S is my other sister, here for the wedding)
Me: “Idk maybe I do. All I know is this is how I feel. I’m very hurt.”
Her: “What broke me the most is that I got you a mother’s day present like an idiot and lost a part of my pride unknowingly while ur there upset. What? Ur waiting for me to come kiss ur a**?”
DetailsI said an insulting comment a few months ago. She spotted and I told her its abnormal and that preggos usually spot. I know she’s a virgin, and have no doubts. That’s why I said it is abnormal. She thought I was hinting she was pregnant, yelled at me and said “YOU THINK EVERYONE IS A WHRE LIKE YOU?!” and she didnt talk to me for two weeks. I cried and apologized to her many times at the time, but she was too angry. Which is why I thought in this current situation space would be a good idea because she seemed very angry at me, but I guess I was wrong.
I am losing my mind. I feel so wronged but she says I’m wrong?! She said I do not value or appreciate her bc I didnt let her know I was upset and that I purposely didn’t talk to her for two days? But when I said “it goes both ways! U do not value me u rather disown me and block me over-“
Her: “theres a big difference between u and me. I did a lot for u. We’re not the same.” Her: “go trauma bond with your husband over what I did and disrespect me together. Isn’t trauma bond the reason y’all together? You’re welcome”
WHAAAAT?!! HOW CAN I DISRESPECT MY SIS OR ALLOW MY HUSBAND TO DISRESPECT HER?!!
She was very angry that she bought me a mothers day present and said if she had known I was upset she wouldn’t have gotten me a teddy. I said “u didn’t know bc I’m the one that got yelled at..” she shut me up basically and said I am sick in the head and love to be a victim.. I’m so frustrated.
What should I do? I am very hurt but also don’t want to make it a bigger deal by not showing up. I felt like dirt.. I’m not a punching bag.. she doesnt yell at me often. Just this week.. Last week she yelled at me for parking her car wrong and I apologized then texted her and apologized some more bc she was furious and then she said its ok that she was just hungry… How is it my fault she’s hungry?
Do I show up to the wedding? Do I let our relationship die and just be casual sisters? Do I apologize to her for overreacting?
P.s. all the dashes are her cutting me off.
I wish it allowed me to upload screenshots of what I texted her
2024.05.18 13:59 Mundane_Efficiency76 Morning Death Puns
I've started writing out death puns to announce in the morning. Wanted to share my current list in case anyone wants to use some. :)
submitted by Mundane_Efficiency76 to BloodOnTheClocktower [link] [comments]
Do you have any favorite ways to announce deaths in the morning? If so please share!
"You come back to the town square to find:"- Crushed underneath a large boulder; rock on my friend: _______.
- Crushed by a fallen tree branch. I never trust trees, they're just so shady:______.
- Spiralized like a pile of human spaghetti; a very sauce-spicious death indeed: _____.
- Head chopped off by a seemingly large metal blade; how ax-citing! _____.
- Strapped to a rocket and blasted into outer space; a truly star-tling sight: _____.
- Baked in a large metal pan like a human loaf of bread; at yeast their death was warm and cozy: _____.
- Torn to shreds by 5000 feline scratches all over their body; it was an absolute cat-astrophe: _____
- Scrambled to a pulp and baked up like a frittata; quite an eggs-traordinary death: ______.
- Kissed to death by a pack of wild puppies; it was a ruff night: ______.
- Pecked to death by a murder of crows; the screams and flapping wings were a true chaotic caw-caw-phony: _____
- Crushed by a large gray animal with a long trunk; the other details are irr-elephant: ______.
- Thrown into a deep, deep well; things are looking down for them: ______.
- Murdered in their beautiful apartment building; it's a pretty complex situation: _____.
- (For math enthusiasts) Quartered, stabbed, and devoured like a slice of berry pie; 3.1415 you die! ______
- (For poetry enthusiasts) Two roads diverged in a wood, and you, you took the one less travelled by. And because of this, you die: _______.
- Attacked by a violent scurry of squirrels; pretty nuts of you ask me:_____.
- (For woodworkers) Cut in half lengthwise with a giant saw blade. I'm having a hard time coping. The jig is up. We miter as well give up. Let's table this issue and discuss again later: _____
- (For cheese lovers) Crushed by a giant wheel of cheese. What kind of Munster would do this? They were always a Gouda friend. I'm really feta-up with all of this murder. Ricotta get outta here: _______
- Half decomposed and sprouting mushrooms from their eyes, ears and nose. What a bummer - he was such a fungi: _____
- Ran over and chopped up by a lawn mower; it really kicked his grass:______.
- Eaten alive by a female sheep; ewe: ______
- (For Taylor Swift fans) I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22...stabs to the back: ______
- (For someone named Matt) Stomped to death like a human door mat; Matt.
- (For someone who collects board games) Crushed to death by their massive board game collection; things got pretty dicey last night: _____
- (For a musician/drummer) Beaten to death by an angry snare drummer; it was a stick-y situation.
- (For coffee lover) Poisoned by their cup of morning coffee; I think there's Trouble Brewing: ______
- Drained of all of their blood like a pile of dried fruit; you can raisin-ably suspect foul play: _____
- (For ice cream lover) Poisoned by their [favorite flavor] ice cream cone; a chilling sight to behold: ______
- Head crushed by watermelon dropped from a great height; it was a seedy situation: ______
- Covered in guano and dead from hysteria; some say he was bat-shit crazy: ______
- Eaten alive by killer plants; why couldn't they just leaf them alone? They got their grass kicked, honestly. With all of these deaths, there's too mushroom in this town. We moss do something about it. We can't keep getting bamboo-zled: _____
- (This one's a stretch lol) Dead from excessive diarrhea; people say they were talking trash about a guy named Terry earlier. He shouldn't have been dysentery: _______