My wife’s best friend who I will call Sarah moved in with us about 1 month ago after her husband had her arrested for getting physical with him and scratching his face. I have been a mutual friend with both Sarah and her husband that I will John. Our kids are friends and we would often get the families together. We have been put in the middle of the feud. John has a restraining order out on Sarah and the only way she gets to see the kids is supervised visitation. John listed my wife as the person that has to be present while her kids visit in 3 hour time blocks. I thought it was weird that John only listed my wife on there considering I am the only one (between my wife and I) that directly communicates with him (text and calls). John and my wife were always cordial to one another but between all 4 of us, they are the only two that had no real friendship. My wife is prettier than Sarah, and I have caught John staring at my wife’s chest and ass in the past. It never bothered me. During one of John and Sarah’s last fights, he said that Sarah’s face looked much older than my wife’s (both are very into skincare and anti-aging, so this really pissed Sarah off). John is an incredibly controlling husband that treated Sarah very poorly and my wife has always said that he is such an asshole and that she can’t stand him.
This is where things began to get weird…
After Sarah moved in, John continued to call me to discuss his wife. My wife told me that I was being too kind to him after the way he has treated her so poorly over the years, and having her arrested. My wife told me that it was time to choose a side (Sarah’s) and to stop talking with John. She told me I was two faced for continuing to speak with him. She called him Satan because he was already running around with a few different women and their kids, all while taunting her in various ways and trying to destroy her life. Suddenly John starts reaching out to my wife to schedule visitations with their kids based on my wife’s schedule. He could’ve listed both of us on the supervision list but he only put my wife. I suspect that he felt like it would lead to an open line of communication between the two of them(previously my wife didn’t even have his number in her phone) My wife acted very annoyed that she was put in that position because he never asked beforehand.. basically if Sarah wanted to see her kids, my wife would need to be involved. Here is where things got weird…
We had a birthday party for one of our daughters and we invited his kids to her party. He brought the kids and oddly stayed in the area with his youngest and waited around, but didn’t join the party. Later that day I sent him a text thanking him for the gifts they got. The next morning(Mother’s Day), one of the first things my wife does is send him a thank you text that I felt was a “gushing” thank you. It was weird to me that he was not only the first thank you text that she sent, but she only sent 3 out of the 8-9 parents that were there.
Is this thank you a bit much?
“We had the gifts mixed up but Sarah later clarified the gifts with the flower wrapping paper were from y'all! But as you can see, she loved them. Thank you very much for going out of your way to get them and for bringing the kids out to celebrate with Tara(our daughter) and waiting so patiently with jane(his youngest daughter). It meant so much to us!”
Here was my thank you the night before …
“Thanks a lot for all the stuff for Tara. She loved it all. You got much more than you should’ve”
John’s reply to my wife’s thank you text and then wishing her happy Mother’s Day.
“You are so welcome, a bit sad we were not able to be there as a complete family. Praying next year is different.”
“Happy Mothers Day, the kids and Dave are so blessed to have you.” (Clearly a compliment to her and a dig at his wife)
My wife’s reply…
Sunday 1:56 PM Thank you! I am sorry for leaving you hanging about today. Would you like to plan for around 430-730? We are getting a slow start and I just hoped to go to the beach for a little bit.
(She just says thank you? I would’ve thought she would’ve also said that their kids are blessed to have her best friend as a mom as well)
-John’s reply- That sounds perfect. See you then. Sunday 2:58 PM
(Sarah then sent a screenshot of the family app that they are legally allowed to communicate on. She told him that he was intruding on my wife’s Mother’s Day, and it was stressing my wife out, which was true. After seeing what Sarah told John, my wife felt compelled to reach back out to John with the following…
“Hey John. I'm not stressed. It just took forever to get the kids ready and out”
Keep in mind that he has repeatedly verbally abused her friend, has been hanging out with other woman, kicked her out of her house without her belongings, reported her to the state licensing board for her “arrest” and caused her license to be suspended, told her that he hope she died during an upcoming surgery she was supposed to have, and insulted her by implying that she was a harm to her kids and her best friend needed supervision during the time she spent with her kids… I was called “two faced” and told I was betraying Sarah, simply because I would answer John’s calls and texts.
We get home and John brings his kids over with a Mother’s Day plant and card (same ones, for my wife and Sarah). I thought this was weird and another way of slighting at Sarah, putting the two of them on the same level. The next day, my wife (who doesn’t garden) was watering the plants and walking around with the plants looking for a place to plant them. (I mentioned to Sarah that my wife watered the plants and she seems very surprised and upset that she did that, considering it was intended to be a slight to her.). I was very surprised considering our 9-year-old got her a plant from Lowe’s a year or two ago and she simply let it dry out and die on the counter (never watering it) which really hurt our daughters feelings….
Two days later I looked at my wife’s messages with John and was very surprised. My wife knew I had looked at her phone and sent me a nasty text to stay off of it. I told her that I was surprised that she was being so chummy with John considering how he has been treating Sarah, and had previously called me “two faced” for continuing to talk to John. I told her that her thank you to John was “gushing” and clearly made him feel good as he gave her a compliment about how blessed we were to have her immediately after that. I told her I was also surprised that she didn’t just have me tell him thank you considering she knows we talk and are friends. My wife got really mad and said she did nothing wrong and called me a jealous psycho. She said she would show the thread to Sarah because she had nothing to hide and did nothing wrong. I told her that I would strongly advise against it because I think it would hurt Sarah’s feelings and cause her to be upset with my wife. My wife continued to call me a lot of mean names and told me I needed professional mental help. She then changed the password on her phone. She then told Sarah that it would prob be best for her and John to coordinate through the app because I was acting very bothered by her talking to John (implying jealousy).
My wife and I began talking about the situation again yesterday and I told her that I wasn’t dwelling on it but wish she would acknowledge the inappropriateness of the conversation, considering the circumstances. She refused and again began calling me a psycho that is destroying her life. I told her that if she felt like it was a completely appropriate conversation, then she should show Sarah. She refused. She then sends me the following :
“I deleted his thread and his contact information. Accidentally called his number while I was trying to figure out how and immediately hung up. I’m sure you’ll say I called him on purpose. I have a screenshot of the thread so you won’t accuse me of trying to get rid of evidence.”
As it turned out, she didn’t have a screenshot of the thread. I found it very odd that she deleted the conversation (she did it during this last argument we were having about the appropriateness of it and telling her to show Sarah..
The other things that bothered me was that I wrote a kind Mother’s Day message on her Facebook, which she saw but never acknowledged on Facebook or said anything to me, and she completely ignored my happy birthday post to our daughter on Facebook. She was so quick to acknowledge the person she called “Satan” but not to her husband. I am considering the possibility that I am overly sensitive these days. My wife just went through a real bad case of postpartum rage where she was verbally abusive toward me and I genuinely felt like she hated me. It has left me with what she believes to be ptsd and says she feels very badly about it. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced and it nearly ended our family. Am I over-reacting or was my wife out of line?
Why did she delete the thread when I pressed her to show Sarah?
Was her thank you “gushing” and a bit much, considering the circumstances?
Is my wife really the one that’s two faced?
What should I make of John’s actions with my wife? Should it rub me the wrong way!?
Was telling my wife that we were so lucky to have her flirtatious and should she have replied that they were blessed to have Sarah!?
Would Sarah be hurt by my wife’s conversation with her husband?
Why did my wife feel so anxious to be the one to thank him for the gifts directly and praise him for coming and telling him it meant so much that he brought the kids and waited around?
Thanks in advance

Hello, writing this from a throwaway account.
So I’m 26 and he’s 30. I’m from a middle eastern country and he’s from the US, we actually met online on Reddit three years ago before I decided to visit him there and eventually moving there together.
I work from home I guess you can say and I take care of our daughter and the two dogs. I’ve been enstranged from my family who disowned me after being with a person from a different religion and having a baby out of wedlock.
So when I left my country I was 4’11 and 100 lbs, a little chubby, high body fat percentage but nothing extreme, but ever since moving away a few years ago and childbirth I’ve developed depression and anxiety. I miss my family and friends back home who won’t talk to me for marring a non Muslim, and the food here and everything is so different. When my boyfriend goes to work I do nothing but order in food and eat a lot of it while doing work or watching tv. I need food to get me through the day because nothing else brings me happiness. I gained to 166 lbs which is the heaviest I’ve ever been, and I can’t blame it on my pregnancy because I was only 135 the day after my daughter was born. I continue to gain. I tried counting my calories and it was more than 5000 calories a day.
I calculated my calories and it shows that my bmr is only about 1800, so that means I need to cut my calories back to about 1500 because anything less than that and I will be too hungry and I will end up binging. I’ve been eating 1500 calories now and I weigh all the foods I eat. I’m mindful of my sodium and fiber intake. I eat a lot of protein but other than walking the dogs I don’t do a lot of exercise. My Apple Watch says 7000-8000 steps. My day I basically wake up and make breakfast for boyfriend and daughter and then I finish some work with a cup of coffee, then eat lunch when husband comes back and then we spend some time together then go out to walk the dogs and take our daughter out with us.
Now I have no idea why I’m still not losing weight. No measurements down, no progress. My boyfriend has been losing lately because I’ve been cooking us healthier food but I’m still not losing. I guess I feel a little bit jealous because I don’t feel as attractive and fit as I was and also he doesn’t need to lose any weight cus he’s very thin. He always insists on eating what I’m eating.
I always get on some sort of diet, then wait a week or two without any weight loss then throw in the towel and eat so much food again. I’m maintaining weight while feels like I’m tormenting myself for no result. Should I just give up?
Throwaway because I don’t want my boyfriend to see this. He’d blame himself.

1. Are you OK with direct message offers from vendors?

whatever is cheaper! im fine by both
2) What are your main reasons for wanting a seedbox?
to download torrents and stream plex (with transcoding)
3) Are you okay with sharing hardware resources with other users [shared] or do you need the seedbox hardware dedicated to just you [dedicated]?
whatever is cheaper! im fine by both
4) Do you want someone else to be responsible for maintaining the seedbox software (operating system, applications) [managed] or do you want to do it all yourself [unmanaged]?
whatever is cheaper! im fine by both
5) Please describe your seedbox experience. (You may wish to list any seedbox providers you've been with before.)
I used one provider once it was little slow though...
6) Please describe your experience with Linux. (Most seedboxes run Linux and some knowledge of it may be helpful.)
im good with linux (i use arch btw)
7) What is the high end of your budget? (Please give a specific amount and a currency. "Cheap" might mean something different to one person than it does to another.)
less than $10 is possible (or even $5)
8) Do you have preferences or requirements concerning payment? (Paypal, Bitcoin, etc.)
fiat is better, paypal or with visa
9) Do you plan to use public trackers?
whatever is cheaper! im fine if i got restricted to only private or public.
10) What kind of connection speed do you need? (Common answers would be 100Mbps, 1Gbps, 2Gbps, 10Gbps.)
whatever is cheaper! im fine by both
11) How much combined upload and download traffic do you expect each month? Include download of files from the seedbox to your local computer. If you don't know, tell us what upload amount per month would realistically make you very happy with your seedbox.
not much i will mostly watch movies in 360p
12) What is the minimum disk space you need?
minimal to install apps as i will use rclone with webdav
13) Do you require a specific type of mass storage? (HDD, SSD, NVMe SSD) If other than HDD, please explain why you think you need this.
whatever cheapest is.
14) Do you require a specific torrent client?
nope
15) Do you require any other applications on the seedbox? (e.g. Plex, Subsonic, Radarr)
Plex!
16) Do you require SSH access to the command line?
its a plus but not really if it will effect the price.
17) Do you require access to a remote desktop?
its a plus but not really if it will effect the price.
18) Do you require admin level (i.e. 'root') access? If yes, please explain why.
its a plus but not really if it will effect the price.
19) Do you have any other specific requirements?
nope
20) Is there any other information you think might help in getting a useful recommendation?
no and thank you.

Intro:
Ever since the trailer for SotE dropped and we got our first look at Messmer, coupled with the info that Miyazaki has provided in interviews since then, people have theorised that Messmer is the child of Marika ( confirmed ) and Radagon. At first I couldn’t really see this being the case even with the supporting evidence, such as Messmer aligning pretty well aesthetically with the smouldering butterfly, completing the trio alongside Miquella’s nascent butterfly and Malenia’s Aeonian butterfly, as well as the initial letter M in his name suiting the twins’ naming convention along with the obvious red hair.
The reason was simple; if Messmer exists in the Land of Shadow as an already well-established historical figure who seems to have been wiped from the histories of the Lands Between then how could he exist as a sibling to Malenia and Miquella who were born well after the establishment of the Golden Order? Everything about Messmer visually as well as what little we know about his character seems to suggest a strong connection to the twin prodigies, or at the very least Radagon, yet his very place in the word of Elden Ring seems to contradict the idea of him being born any later than Marika’s campaign to become God of the Lands Between. In other words, Messmer’s very existence which seems to only be acknowledged within the confines of the Land of Shadow suggests that he was likely born there and has either been bound to or willingly decided to preside over the Land of Shadow (or possibly even been assigned the Land of Shadow as his domain by Marika herself). There may very well be something concrete I’m overlooking that could explain this discrepancy, if so please let me know.
So how do we reconcile this contradiction? Basically what I’ll be positing is that Messmer is the result of Marika’s first foray into the world of asexual reproduction, the same process that would eventually result in the births of the Twin Prodigies, Miquella and Malenia.
Radagon
One of the biggest mysteries in Elden Ring ever since it’s release has been Radagon. Whether it be his origins, powers or emphasised significance in the Lands Between despite very little information regarding his past, Radagon has been shrouded in mystery. What little info we are given regarding his character only serves to complicate things further, as his statue in the Royal Capital reveals that Radagon is Marika. We know that he was once a champion of the Erdtree Faithful and waged two wars on Liurnia on Marika’s behalf, and that soon after he would fall in love with and marry the Carian Queen Renalla, bringing an end to the conflict and establishing peace between the Carians/Academy of Raya Lucaria and the forces of the Erdtree. As some point after Godfrey’s exile from the Lands Between Marika would call upon Radagon to essentially abandon all his duties/responsibilities in Liurnia and return to the Capital to serve as King Consort and Second Elden Lord. Radagon, being the (in Marika’s own words) “leal hound of the Golden Order” he is, does this without question, but not before leaving an an amber egg behind as his parting gift for Queen Renalla. We don’t have too much to go on from this point on aside from minor interactions/tidbits of info regarding the relationship Radagon seems to have had with his children, as well as the fact that he seems to have been the most ardent supporter of the Golden Order. His story would ultimately culminate in the shattering of the Elden Ring with his role being that of a doomed servant, slaving away in an attempt to repair the Elden Ring despite the futility of it, minding the Elden Ring until the arrival of the next Lord.
I believe that Radagon’s story begins much earlier than initially expected. It was commonly assumed that Radagon was active, at the very least, as a loyal supporter of Marika as far back as Marika’s genocidal campaign against the Giants, but I believe his story begins much earlier than that. I believe that prior to even marching on the Mountaintop of the Giants Marika may have come into some kind of contact with the Fell God, or at the very least an avatar of some kind for the Fell God’s power, and that this encounter left Marika marked with some kind of curse and that this curse would manifest physically. It was this vestige of the Fell God’s influence that had forced Marika to resort to most unusual means of expelling the influence of an Outer God; to simply carve out the piece of her that has been ‘tainted’, so to speak. In order to do this she would need to take full advantage of her power to give life by physically expelling/carving out the part of her that has been cursed by the Fell God and, rather than letting even a piece of her being be taken by death, sprouting that piece of herself into a unique life form in itself. A life form whose sole purpose is to serves as the vessel for a curse. This being would eventually go on to serve Marika and even become her most loyal follower, a natural development given that they are literally a part of her. This part of Marika would eventually go on to become a well established figure among the Erdtree Faithful despite their mysterious beginnings, the only clue to which being his burning red hair; a constant reminder that he was born of a Fell God’s curse.
Messmer
This is where things get a little complicated as we don’t have sufficient enough info to properly speculate imo on the circumstances surrounding the Land of Shadow, but I’ll try anyways. I believe that at the time of making contact with the Fell God, Marika had still been residing in what is now the Land of Shadow. I believe that, prior to marrying Godfrey and securing his might in support of her genocide on the Giants, Marika had already given birth to a child. A child who was marked with the same curse as his father, a burning mane of red hair. As to why Marika would decide to have this child, it could any number of reasons (early attempt at birthing an Empyrean to succeed her, deciding to have a child in case Hoarah Loux wasn’t chill like that and deeming Radagon the only one worthy of being father to the Queen’s son for whatever reason, etc.) but I don’t think it’s too far of a stretch given Marika’s heavy association with the power of giving birth/life, both literal and symbolic. I believe this child to be none other than Messmer.
Seen as this part of history is very murky it’s unclear just how long Marika had stayed in the Land of Shadow. For the sake of speculation I’m going to assume it was long enough for Messmer to have grown into an individual in his own right, perhaps even standing out as a truly faithful servant of the Erdtree just like his father, and a Demigod who might one day be worthy of Empyrean in the eyes of Marika. As Marika’s ambitions eventually led to her union with Hoarah Loux/Godfrey and the establishment of a Royal Line, it was becoming increasingly clear to her that Messmer could not be allowed to exist in a world where his lineage would undermine the claim of her child(ren) with her now-husband and King Consort Godfrey. Marika’s solution was rather blunt yet undoubtedly cruel; if Messmer couldn’t exist in Marika’s New Age then he simply wouldn’t. Prior to embarking on her final campaign, Marika would grant Messmer dominion over the region that is now called the Land of Shadow and would bestow upon him the task of punishing those who are without Grace.
This is where I am yet to decide whether I think Messmer is carrying out Marika’s wishes loyally, completely oblivious to the fact that his mother has virtually erased him from the hearts and minds of all inhabitants of the Lands Between, or if he is aware of the fact that Marika abandoned him in the Land of Shadow and holds some degree of resentment toward her for it but still deciding to ultimately be Lord of the Land of Shadow.
Just a few more things regarding Messmer specifically: - He seems to have heavy association with/control over flames in general, whether this comes down to a connection with Dragons or the Flame of Ruin is anyone’s guess. I personally believe it to be both given that he has the red hair synonymous with Giants in the world of Elden Ring, as well as seemingly draconic features such as his eye and the dragon-like wings on his helmet and all over his snakes (also his drip which many people have compared to the Drake Knight set). - Messmer’s snakes seem to indicate some connection Messmer may have with the Serpent that has only ever been described as an ancient enemy of the Erdtree. If this is the case then not only would it give us an idea of why Messmer might hold some kind of animosity toward Marika/the Erdtree but it would also parallel the biblical serpent (who is Lucifer in disguise) in the Garden of Paradise who leads Adam and Eve to stray from obeying God and eating the forbidden fruit. In this case Messmer would be Elden Ring’s Lucifer; he who was once the most faithful, now the very icon of blasphemy. At this current point in time we can only speculate on his motives, though I suspect he may have been punished and ‘veiled’ beneath the Erdtree/in its shadow (his own ‘hell’ that he claims rulership over) as punishment for embracing things that Marika sought to eventually cull (after the Giants had been slaughtered maybe) despite himself being not only her son but an enforcer of the Golden Order. - Then there’s the case of the butterflies. I still believe there’s a chance that Melina could be matched with the smouldering butterfly though I can’t ignore the glaring possibility that this could very well be Messmer’s butterfly; not only for the visual similarities but also because of the fact that Messmer seems to have a unique relationship with flames, with an NPC even commenting on his flame in particular in the trailer for SotE. There’s also the fact that, despite being present almost anywhere in the Lands Between that has fire, the smouldering butterfly seems to bare connection to and might even come from the Mountaintops of the Giants, further tying Messmer to the Giants/Fell God. Butterflies are also symbols of metamorphosis, transformation and rebirth, and each sibling born of Marika and Radagon seems to experience a “hatching from the cocoon” represented by their butterfly; Malenia Aeonian butterfly representing her blossoming into the Goddess of Rot, Miquella’s butterfly representing his premature removal from his cocoon, and perhaps Messmer’s butterfly represents being born of the Fell God of Flame or maybe it’s just meant to visually represent him. It is possible that Messmer also shares the theme of rebirth through his father Radagon who had gifted the Rune of Rebirth to Renalla, indicating that Radagon was the very least interested enough in rebirth that he decided to extract the rune that was rebirth manifest. I personally think Messmer’s butterfly (if it is indeed his) could symbolise any hope of Messmer’s ‘second life’ in the Lands Between going up in flames as a result of Marika’s actions and subsequent reign.
That’s about all I have for now, feel free to point out anything I may have missed in-game that could reduce my entire theory to smithereens.
TLDR: Marika at some point during her time in the Land of Shadow encountered the Fell God and was marked with a curse. She expelled this curse through what is essentially mitosis in a way, splitting herself in two and having her other half (Radagon) carry the curse (red hair). She then proceeds to have her first child (Messmer) with Radagon before marrying Hoarah Loux/Godfrey and abandoning Messmer in Australia and making sure he never sees the light of day.

Intro:
Ever since the trailer for SotE dropped and we got our first look at Messmer, coupled with the info that Miyazaki has provided in interviews since then, people have theorised that Messmer is the child of Marika ( confirmed ) and Radagon. At first I couldn’t really see this being the case even with the supporting evidence, such as Messmer aligning pretty well aesthetically with the smouldering butterfly, completing the trio alongside Miquella’s nascent butterfly and Malenia’s Aeonian butterfly, as well as the initial letter M in his name suiting the twins’ naming convention along with the obvious red hair.
The reason was simple; if Messmer exists in the Land of Shadow as an already well-established historical figure who seems to have been wiped from the histories of the Lands Between then how could he exist as a sibling to Malenia and Miquella who were born well after the establishment of the Golden Order? Everything about Messmer visually as well as what little we know about his character seems to suggest a strong connection to the twin prodigies, or at the very least Radagon, yet his very place in the word of Elden Ring seems to contradict the idea of him being born any later than Marika’s campaign to become God of the Lands Between. In other words, Messmer’s very existence which seems to only be acknowledged within the confines of the Land of Shadow suggests that he was likely born there and has either been bound to or willingly decided to preside over the Land of Shadow (or possibly even been assigned the Land of Shadow as his domain by Marika herself). There may very well be something concrete I’m overlooking that could explain this discrepancy, if so please let me know.
So how do we reconcile this contradiction? Basically what I’ll be positing is that Messmer is the result of Marika’s first foray into the world of asexual reproduction, the same process that would eventually result in the births of the Twin Prodigies, Miquella and Malenia.
Radagon
One of the biggest mysteries in Elden Ring ever since it’s release has been Radagon. Whether it be his origins, powers or emphasised significance in the Lands Between despite very little information regarding his past, Radagon has been shrouded in mystery. What little info we are given regarding his character only serves to complicate things further, as his statue in the Royal Capital reveals that Radagon is Marika. We know that he was once a champion of the Erdtree Faithful and waged two wars on Liurnia on Marika’s behalf, and that soon after he would fall in love with and marry the Carian Queen Renalla, bringing an end to the conflict and establishing peace between the Carians/Academy of Raya Lucaria and the forces of the Erdtree. As some point after Godfrey’s exile from the Lands Between Marika would call upon Radagon to essentially abandon all his duties/responsibilities in Liurnia and return to the Capital to serve as King Consort and Second Elden Lord. Radagon, being the (in Marika’s own words) “leal hound of the Golden Order” he is, does this without question, but not before leaving an an amber egg behind as his parting gift for Queen Renalla. We don’t have too much to go on from this point on aside from minor interactions/tidbits of info regarding the relationship Radagon seems to have had with his children, as well as the fact that he seems to have been the most ardent supporter of the Golden Order. His story would ultimately culminate in the shattering of the Elden Ring with his role being that of a doomed servant, slaving away in an attempt to repair the Elden Ring despite the futility of it, minding the Elden Ring until the arrival of the next Lord.
I believe that Radagon’s story begins much earlier than initially expected. It was commonly assumed that Radagon was active, at the very least, as a loyal supporter of Marika as far back as Marika’s genocidal campaign against the Giants, but I believe his story begins much earlier than that. I believe that prior to even marching on the Mountaintop of the Giants Marika may have come into some kind of contact with the Fell God, or at the very least an avatar of some kind for the Fell God’s power, and that this encounter left Marika marked with some kind of curse and that this curse would manifest physically. It was this vestige of the Fell God’s influence that had forced Marika to resort to most unusual means of expelling the influence of an Outer God; to simply carve out the piece of her that has been ‘tainted’, so to speak. In order to do this she would need to take full advantage of her power to give life by physically expelling/carving out the part of her that has been cursed by the Fell God and, rather than letting even a piece of her being be taken by death, sprouting that piece of herself into a unique life form in itself. A life form whose sole purpose is to serves as the vessel for a curse. This being would eventually go on to serve Marika and even become her most loyal follower, a natural development given that they are literally a part of her. This part of Marika would eventually go on to become a well established figure among the Erdtree Faithful despite their mysterious beginnings, the only clue to which being his burning red hair; a constant reminder that he was born of a Fell God’s curse.
Messmer
This is where things get a little complicated as we don’t have sufficient enough info to properly speculate imo on the circumstances surrounding the Land of Shadow, but I’ll try anyways. I believe that at the time of making contact with the Fell God, Marika had still been residing in what is now the Land of Shadow. I believe that, prior to marrying Godfrey and securing his might in support of her genocide on the Giants, Marika had already given birth to a child. A child who was marked with the same curse as his father, a burning mane of red hair. As to why Marika would decide to have this child, it could any number of reasons (early attempt at birthing an Empyrean to succeed her, deciding to have a child in case Hoarah Loux wasn’t chill like that and deeming Radagon the only one worthy of being father to the Queen’s son for whatever reason, etc.) but I don’t think it’s too far of a stretch given Marika’s heavy association with the power of giving birth/life, both literal and symbolic. I believe this child to be none other than Messmer.
Seen as this part of history is very murky it’s unclear just how long Marika had stayed in the Land of Shadow. For the sake of speculation I’m going to assume it was long enough for Messmer to have grown into an individual in his own right, perhaps even standing out as a truly faithful servant of the Erdtree just like his father, and a Demigod who might one day be worthy of Empyrean in the eyes of Marika. As Marika’s ambitions eventually led to her union with Hoarah Loux/Godfrey and the establishment of a Royal Line, it was becoming increasingly clear to her that Messmer could not be allowed to exist in a world where his lineage would undermine the claim of her child(ren) with her now-husband and King Consort Godfrey. Marika’s solution was rather blunt yet undoubtedly cruel; if Messmer couldn’t exist in Marika’s New Age then he simply wouldn’t. Prior to embarking on her final campaign, Marika would grant Messmer dominion over the region that is now called the Land of Shadow and would bestow upon him the task of punishing those who are without Grace.
This is where I am yet to decide whether I think Messmer is carrying out Marika’s wishes loyally, completely oblivious to the fact that his mother has virtually erased him from the hearts and minds of all inhabitants of the Lands Between, or if he is aware of the fact that Marika abandoned him in the Land of Shadow and holds some degree of resentment toward her for it but still deciding to ultimately be Lord of the Land of Shadow.
Just a few more things regarding Messmer specifically: - He seems to have heavy association with/control over flames in general, whether this comes down to a connection with Dragons or the Flame of Ruin is anyone’s guess. I personally believe it to be both given that he has the red hair synonymous with Giants in the world of Elden Ring, as well as seemingly draconic features such as his eye and the dragon-like wings on his helmet and all over his snakes (also his drip which many people have compared to the Drake Knight set). - Messmer’s snakes seem to indicate some connection Messmer may have with the Serpent that has only ever been described as an ancient enemy of the Erdtree. If this is the case then not only would it give us an idea of why Messmer might hold some kind of animosity toward Marika/the Erdtree but it would also parallel the biblical serpent (who is Lucifer in disguise) in the Garden of Paradise who leads Adam and Eve to stray from obeying God and eating the forbidden fruit. In this case Messmer would be Elden Ring’s Lucifer; he who was once the most faithful, now the very icon of blasphemy. At this current point in time we can only speculate on his motives, though I suspect he may have been punished and ‘veiled’ beneath the Erdtree/in its shadow (his own ‘hell’ that he claims rulership over) as punishment for embracing things that Marika sought to eventually cull (after the Giants had been slaughtered maybe) despite himself being not only her son but an enforcer of the Golden Order. - Then there’s the case of the butterflies. I still believe there’s a chance that Melina could be matched with the smouldering butterfly though I can’t ignore the glaring possibility that this could very well be Messmer’s butterfly; not only for the visual similarities but also because of the fact that Messmer seems to have a unique relationship with flames, with an NPC even commenting on his flame in particular in the trailer for SotE. There’s also the fact that, despite being present almost anywhere in the Lands Between that has fire, the smouldering butterfly seems to bare connection to and might even come from the Mountaintops of the Giants, further tying Messmer to the Giants/Fell God. Butterflies are also symbols of metamorphosis, transformation and rebirth, and each sibling born of Marika and Radagon seems to experience a “hatching from the cocoon” represented by their butterfly; Malenia Aeonian butterfly representing her blossoming into the Goddess of Rot, Miquella’s butterfly representing his premature removal from his cocoon, and perhaps Messmer’s butterfly represents being born of the Fell God of Flame or maybe it’s just meant to visually represent him. It is possible that Messmer also shares the theme of rebirth through his father Radagon who had gifted the Rune of Rebirth to Renalla, indicating that Radagon was the very least interested enough in rebirth that he decided to extract the rune that was rebirth manifest. I personally think Messmer’s butterfly (if it is indeed his) could symbolise any hope of Messmer’s ‘second life’ in the Lands Between going up in flames as a result of Marika’s actions and subsequent reign.
That’s about all I have for now, feel free to point out anything I may have missed in-game that could reduce my entire theory to smithereens.
TLDR: Marika at some point during her time in the Land of Shadow encountered the Fell God and was marked with a curse. She expelled this curse through what is essentially mitosis in a way, splitting herself in two and having her other half (Radagon) carry the curse (red hair). She then proceeds to have her first child (Messmer) with Radagon before marrying Hoarah Loux/Godfrey and abandoning Messmer in Australia and making sure he never sees the light of day.

Intro:
Ever since the trailer for SotE dropped and we got our first look at Messmer, coupled with the info that Miyazaki has provided in interviews since then, people have theorised that Messmer is the child of Marika ( confirmed ) and Radagon. At first I couldn’t really see this being the case even with the supporting evidence, such as Messmer aligning pretty well aesthetically with the smouldering butterfly, completing the trio alongside Miquella’s nascent butterfly and Malenia’s Aeonian butterfly, as well as the initial letter M in his name suiting the twins’ naming convention along with the obvious red hair.
The reason was simple; if Messmer exists in the Land of Shadow as an already well-established historical figure who seems to have been wiped from the histories of the Lands Between then how could he exist as a sibling to Malenia and Miquella who were born well after the establishment of the Golden Order? Everything about Messmer visually as well as what little we know about his character seems to suggest a strong connection to the twin prodigies, or at the very least Radagon, yet his very place in the word of Elden Ring seems to contradict the idea of him being born any later than Marika’s campaign to become God of the Lands Between. In other words, Messmer’s very existence which seems to only be acknowledged within the confines of the Land of Shadow suggests that he was likely born there and has either been bound to or willingly decided to preside over the Land of Shadow (or possibly even been assigned the Land of Shadow as his domain by Marika herself). There may very well be something concrete I’m overlooking that could explain this discrepancy, if so please let me know.
So how do we reconcile this contradiction? Basically what I’ll be positing is that Messmer is the result of Marika’s first foray into the world of asexual reproduction, the same process that would eventually result in the births of the Twin Prodigies, Miquella and Malenia.
Radagon
One of the biggest mysteries in Elden Ring ever since it’s release has been Radagon. Whether it be his origins, powers or emphasised significance in the Lands Between despite very little information regarding his past, Radagon has been shrouded in mystery. What little info we are given regarding his character only serves to complicate things further, as his statue in the Royal Capital reveals that Radagon is Marika. We know that he was once a champion of the Erdtree Faithful and waged two wars on Liurnia on Marika’s behalf, and that soon after he would fall in love with and marry the Carian Queen Renalla, bringing an end to the conflict and establishing peace between the Carians/Academy of Raya Lucaria and the forces of the Erdtree. As some point after Godfrey’s exile from the Lands Between Marika would call upon Radagon to essentially abandon all his duties/responsibilities in Liurnia and return to the Capital to serve as King Consort and Second Elden Lord. Radagon, being the (in Marika’s own words) “leal hound of the Golden Order” he is, does this without question, but not before leaving an an amber egg behind as his parting gift for Queen Renalla. We don’t have too much to go on from this point on aside from minor interactions/tidbits of info regarding the relationship Radagon seems to have had with his children, as well as the fact that he seems to have been the most ardent supporter of the Golden Order. His story would ultimately culminate in the shattering of the Elden Ring with his role being that of a doomed servant, slaving away in an attempt to repair the Elden Ring despite the futility of it, minding the Elden Ring until the arrival of the next Lord.
I believe that Radagon’s story begins much earlier than initially expected. It was commonly assumed that Radagon was active, at the very least, as a loyal supporter of Marika as far back as Marika’s genocidal campaign against the Giants, but I believe his story begins much earlier than that. I believe that prior to even marching on the Mountaintop of the Giants Marika may have come into some kind of contact with the Fell God, or at the very least an avatar of some kind for the Fell God’s power, and that this encounter left Marika marked with some kind of curse and that this curse would manifest physically. It was this vestige of the Fell God’s influence that had forced Marika to resort to most unusual means of expelling the influence of an Outer God; to simply carve out the piece of her that has been ‘tainted’, so to speak. In order to do this she would need to take full advantage of her power to give life by physically expelling/carving out the part of her that has been cursed by the Fell God and, rather than letting even a piece of her being be taken by death, sprouting that piece of herself into a unique life form in itself. A life form whose sole purpose is to serves as the vessel for a curse. This being would eventually go on to serve Marika and even become her most loyal follower, a natural development given that they are literally a part of her. This part of Marika would eventually go on to become a well established figure among the Erdtree Faithful despite their mysterious beginnings, the only clue to which being his burning red hair; a constant reminder that he was born of a Fell God’s curse.
Messmer
This is where things get a little complicated as we don’t have sufficient enough info to properly speculate imo on the circumstances surrounding the Land of Shadow, but I’ll try anyways. I believe that at the time of making contact with the Fell God, Marika had still been residing in what is now the Land of Shadow. I believe that, prior to marrying Godfrey and securing his might in support of her genocide on the Giants, Marika had already given birth to a child. A child who was marked with the same curse as his father, a burning mane of red hair. As to why Marika would decide to have this child, it could any number of reasons (early attempt at birthing an Empyrean to succeed her, deciding to have a child in case Hoarah Loux wasn’t chill like that and deeming Radagon the only one worthy of being father to the Queen’s son for whatever reason, etc.) but I don’t think it’s too far of a stretch given Marika’s heavy association with the power of giving birth/life, both literal and symbolic. I believe this child to be none other than Messmer.
Seen as this part of history is very murky it’s unclear just how long Marika had stayed in the Land of Shadow. For the sake of speculation I’m going to assume it was long enough for Messmer to have grown into an individual in his own right, perhaps even standing out as a truly faithful servant of the Erdtree just like his father, and a Demigod who might one day be worthy of Empyrean in the eyes of Marika. As Marika’s ambitions eventually led to her union with Hoarah Loux/Godfrey and the establishment of a Royal Line, it was becoming increasingly clear to her that Messmer could not be allowed to exist in a world where his lineage would undermine the claim of her child(ren) with her now-husband and King Consort Godfrey. Marika’s solution was rather blunt yet undoubtedly cruel; if Messmer couldn’t exist in Marika’s New Age then he simply wouldn’t. Prior to embarking on her final campaign, Marika would grant Messmer dominion over the region that is now called the Land of Shadow and would bestow upon him the task of punishing those who are without Grace.
This is where I am yet to decide whether I think Messmer is carrying out Marika’s wishes loyally, completely oblivious to the fact that his mother has virtually erased him from the hearts and minds of all inhabitants of the Lands Between, or if he is aware of the fact that Marika abandoned him in the Land of Shadow and holds some degree of resentment toward her for it but still deciding to ultimately be Lord of the Land of Shadow.
Just a few more things regarding Messmer specifically: - He seems to have heavy association with/control over flames in general, whether this comes down to a connection with Dragons or the Flame of Ruin is anyone’s guess. I personally believe it to be both given that he has the red hair synonymous with Giants in the world of Elden Ring, as well as seemingly draconic features such as his eye and the dragon-like wings on his helmet and all over his snakes (also his drip which many people have compared to the Drake Knight set). - Messmer’s snakes seem to indicate some connection Messmer may have with the Serpent that has only ever been described as an ancient enemy of the Erdtree. If this is the case then not only would it give us an idea of why Messmer might hold some kind of animosity toward Marika/the Erdtree but it would also parallel the biblical serpent (who is Lucifer in disguise) in the Garden of Paradise who leads Adam and Eve to stray from obeying God and eating the forbidden fruit. In this case Messmer would be Elden Ring’s Lucifer; he who was once the most faithful, now the very icon of blasphemy. At this current point in time we can only speculate on his motives, though I suspect he may have been punished and ‘veiled’ beneath the Erdtree/in its shadow (his own ‘hell’ that he claims rulership over) as punishment for embracing things that Marika sought to eventually cull (after the Giants had been slaughtered maybe) despite himself being not only her son but an enforcer of the Golden Order. - Then there’s the case of the butterflies. I still believe there’s a chance that Melina could be matched with the smouldering butterfly though I can’t ignore the glaring possibility that this could very well be Messmer’s butterfly; not only for the visual similarities but also because of the fact that Messmer seems to have a unique relationship with flames, with an NPC even commenting on his flame in particular in the trailer for SotE. There’s also the fact that, despite being present almost anywhere in the Lands Between that has fire, the smouldering butterfly seems to bare connection to and might even come from the Mountaintops of the Giants, further tying Messmer to the Giants/Fell God. Butterflies are also symbols of metamorphosis, transformation and rebirth, and each sibling born of Marika and Radagon seems to experience a “hatching from the cocoon” represented by their butterfly; Malenia Aeonian butterfly representing her blossoming into the Goddess of Rot, Miquella’s butterfly representing his premature removal from his cocoon, and perhaps Messmer’s butterfly represents being born of the Fell God of Flame or maybe it’s just meant to visually represent him. It is possible that Messmer also shares the theme of rebirth through his father Radagon who had gifted the Rune of Rebirth to Renalla, indicating that Radagon was the very least interested enough in rebirth that he decided to extract the rune that was rebirth manifest. I personally think Messmer’s butterfly (if it is indeed his) could symbolise any hope of Messmer’s ‘second life’ in the Lands Between going up in flames as a result of Marika’s actions and subsequent reign.
That’s about all I have for now, feel free to point out anything I may have missed in-game that could reduce my entire theory to smithereens.
TLDR: Marika at some point during her time in the Land of Shadow encountered the Fell God and was marked with a curse. She expelled this curse through what is essentially mitosis in a way, splitting herself in two and having her other half (Radagon) carry the curse (red hair). She then proceeds to have her first child (Messmer) with Radagon before marrying Hoarah Loux/Godfrey and abandoning Messmer in Australia and making sure he never sees the light of day.

Hello everyone! I'm looking for a notebook with specific dimensions and qualities that so far I haven't been able to find anywhere. I'm probably gonna pour out my entire life story but please do me a solid and hear me out.
In my next notebook I'm planning to map out and document my life for the coming 6 to 12 months, literally writing the book of my life with the odd doodle or chart. For this reason I'm looking for a larger size, high page count notebook. I've used A5 notebooks my whole life, but I'm planning to upsize to B5 if possible, to add some heft and make it feel more like a book. Additionally I'm looking for something with a load of pages, 400, 500 maybe more, would be ideal. In terms of paper quality I'm looking for something ideally at least 80gsm, blank, low transparency, as I like to write fairly densely and with a medium nib fountain pen that writes quite wet.
To give you an idea of where I'm coming from here's what I have tried in the past and what I liked/disliked about them:

• Moleskine - I know they have a 400 page notebook but it's smaller than A5 and the paper quality is hot garbage imo, out of question.
• Clairefontaine flying spirit notebooks - I loved the smoothness of the paper but doesn't come in high page counts. I considered getting a few, stripping the cover, and stitching and them together to form a big notebook but as it's a heavy paper my desired page count would make a notebook over 5 cm thick.
• Rhodia white paper / hard cover notebook, forgot the exact name: again great quality smooth paper but a bit too bright and white for my eyes, low sheet count.
• Peter Pauper press: my favourite by far in terms of writing experience, very heavy, smooth and dense paper with zero feathering and little to no transparency even with gushing pen and ink and still dries very quickly. My only gripe if I have to name one is paper colour, it's a bit too ivory for a vivid blue ink (Diamine sargasso sea) to look great on it. Also they only come with heavily designed covers, no subtle black or navy options and low-ish sheet counts. But the same property that makes its quality is why it wouldn't be practical in high page counts, even if it were available.
• Montblanc 146: I used these the longest because of overall quality, a bit scratchier feedback than PPP/Clairefontaine and less dense than I think would be my ideal, so it's a bit too transparent for my liking but if I had to use one for the rest of my life I'd go with this. My main issue is the price/value ratio, we know 2/3 of the €80 price is the little button on the front cover. The 163 (nearer B5 size) isn't available with plain paper though. If anyone knows a manufacturer with the same/similar paper please let me know regardless of formats!

Based on what I've tried so far, my ideal notebook would be as follows (possible compromises in brackets):

• Around 500 pages but no thicker than 5cm overall (400 or even 300 is great if every other criteria is met)
• B5 size (A5 is more realistic for all other criteria to be met, I know)
• 80 to 100 gsm cream coloured, blank, rather smooth low feedback paper (anything acceptable from odd/dirty white to not too yellow ivory, as long as it's blank and has little to no feedback/resistance. Would even go lighter to a 52/68gsm Tomoe River paper if only that is available.)
• Soft leather cover (doesn't matter much, could even be hard or thin cardboard for all that matters, I'll be getting a custom leather cover for protection and added feel/heft.)
• Milled/produced/crafted in EU, certified, organic chemicals free all the jazz. (I understand there are very few mills and presses left in the EU, but I'd prefer local manufacture on principle. Exception is Japanese paper or even North Am. made if it's widely distributed in the EU.)

Finally, here's what I've found so far and am actually considering:

• Leuchtturm1917 B5 notebook - I'm considering this because it's an established brand so they'll likely be around in case I fall in love. If it had more pages I'd have already ordered this guy.
• This 300 page B5 Tomoe River notebook off Etsy - I only heard good things about TR paper, I'm willing to try it even if not my conceived ideal, plus bound in Italy, yay! He also makes 400 page A5 notebooks so I might go with that, though that's about 20% less net writing area.
• Odyssey notebook, A5 but with 500 pages, 68gsm Tomoe River paper - would be the first contender but it ships from USA (slow and costly), does anyone know of a EU distributor?
• I briefly looked at blank books such as this one but printing paper and fountain pens don't mix and I couldn't reach this particular seller for info. Also based on ads there seems to be a host of these, even in my preferred specs, on Temu, Ali etc, but I'm not even clicking on sites like that, I hope that goes without explanation.
• At this point I'm even considering going the full distance and binding my own frickin notebook if I could find (and try / read reviews of) the absolute most ideal paper as described above - which I cannot seem to. Any idea where to even look for blank paper in the EU?

So my sincere question to the community is, do you know of any other notebook brands that could suit my needs, what's your experience with them if any, and where I might order for quick EU delivery? Any comments or help is much appreciated, and thank you for reading!

https://www.sentinelandenterprise.com/2024/05/16/maternal-health-bill-poised-for-breakthrough-in-legislature/
Warning that lives are at stake, the House co-chair of a commission focused on postpartum depression called on her colleagues Tuesday to advance legislation to stem the tide of worsening maternal health outcomes that are disproportionately impacting people of color.
Certified professional midwives (CPMs) would gain a pathway to become licensed in Massachusetts under a redrafted maternal health care package (H 4566) that was reported out favorably by the Committee on Public Health and the Health Care Financing Committee, which last week shipped it to the House Ways and Means Committee.
The bill would allow midwifery care to be covered by MassHealth, remove regulatory and staffing barriers to operate birth centers in Massachusetts, require postpartum depression screenings for new parents during visits to pediatrician offices, and expand access to lactation support, among other policies.
A similar bill (S 2734) cleared the Public Health Committee in April and was sent to the Senate Ways and Means Committee, and the bills could be poised to emerge in either branch if they are able to get through their respective Ways and Means panels.
“I truly believe that the more eyes we have on someone who has given birth, the better,” Rep. Brandy Fluker Oakley, House co-chair of the Ellen Story Commission on Postpartum Depression, said during a maternal health forum at the UMass Club hosted by the Massachusetts Association of Health Plans.
“Research has shown that when Black women in particular have a midwife as part of the birthing process, it improves their life outcomes, it improves the outcomes for the child that they give birth to,” said Fluker Oakley, who sponsored midwifery legislation folded into the maternal health omnibus bill.
The rate of severe maternal morbidity in Massachusetts nearly doubled from 2011 to 2020, with Black women experiencing the highest rate of complications. Sen. Julian Cyr, co-chair of the Public Health Committee, said the panel advanced the omnibus package “in response to the crisis we see in maternal morbidity and mortality.”
“A number of members in both the House and the Senate view taking action on maternal health as critical,” Cyr told the News Service. “As we come to the final months of the legislative session, the recipe for success in getting bills over the finish line is often having policies that are well vetted by the committee, demonstrated need for action, and a broad coalition of support, both among senators and representatives, and advocates outside of the State House. Maternal health legislation seems to have all three of those ingredients.”
A spokesman for House Ways and Committee Chair Aaron Michlewitz, asked whether the Boston Democrat supports the legislation and when it could potentially reach the floor for debate, said the panel is “still in the process of reviewing that bill.”
Rep. Marjorie Decker, co-chair of the Public Health Committee, said there’s a “lot of strong interest” in Speaker Ron Mariano’s office to advance the House bill.
“Ultimately, this is a really exciting opportunity to advance a number of maternal health bills that have been vetted for some time and with the support of the speaker, who’s really been a strong supporter for me over the last year and a half in developing this omnibus bill,” Decker told the News Service. “I think what’s before us is the opportunity to advance some really good legislative work that’s been uplifted by my colleagues.”
A spokesman for Senate Ways and Means Chair Michael Rodrigues, asked about a potential timeline to tackle the Senate bill, referenced the chamber’s support for maternal health initiatives in the budget slated for debate next week.
“The bill was just reported out of the Joint Committee on Public Health late last month and is currently being reviewed by Senate Ways and Means staff,” Rodrigues spokesman Sean Fitzgerald said in a statement. “The Senate has historically made a strong commitment towards maternal health, and in the FY25 budget, we dedicate over $30 million in funding on an array of programs, including reproductive health access, WIC nutrition, and family and adolescent health.”
CPMs, who provide clinical care for low-risk pregnancies, are eligible to be licensed in 38 states – but not in Massachusetts, according to the Bay State Birth Coalition. Midwifery care is linked to fewer maternal deaths, infant deaths, unnecessary C-sections, and postpartum complications, among other benefits, the coalition said.
CPMs, should they gain licensure here, are eyed as a key workforce for birth centers, an alternative care setting beyond hospitals for low-risk pregnancies. Recent closures have left the state with only one open birth center, located in Northampton. Midwives, who are accredited by a national organization, are also trained to provide care for at-home births.
“I think it’s hugely significant that these bills have made it to Ways and Means. It’s definitely some recognition from the Legislature, I think, of really a critical juncture we’re facing,” said Claire Teylouni, director of governmental affairs at Reproductive Equity Now, as she invoked the worsening maternal health crisis and a growing volume of home births.
“The reason why this bill is so important is that licensing them (CPMs) allows us to formally integrate them into the entirety of our maternal health care infrastructure, allowing them to prescribe certain medications, allowing them to work first and foremost at freestanding birth centers,” Teylouni told the News Service. “We are really excited to see the Legislature showing interest in leading on this because there’s tremendous amounts of research showing these are policies that will tangibly improve birthing experiences and birthing outcomes.”
In May 2022, the Special Commission on Racial Inequities in Maternal Health endorsed legislation to expand access to midwifery care, among a raft of other recommendations such as growing the doula workforce, modernizing birth center regulations, and creating a “birthing justice” omnibus bill that invests in social determinants of health like housing, transportation and education.
As part of Gov. Maura Healey’s review of maternal health services, the Department of Public Health this fall said officials “will continue to explore ways to support CPMs and develop pathways to expand the settings in which they can be part of pregnancy and birthing care and coverage for that care in Massachusetts.” DPH said there were 48 CPMs in the commonwealth in 2022.
DPH also said officials would update birth center regulations, including concerns raised over physician supervision and staffing requirements.
Fluker Oakley said the special commission’s report is not intended to sit on a shelf.
“Literally, lives are at stake. Even here in Massachusetts, Black women are twice as likely to die in the childbirth process – that’s here,” Fluker Oakley said. “For us to have this report that has so many wonderful ideas, which I also think are low-hanging fruit to deal with this issue, and for us just to kind of say, ‘Oh, we’ll get to it when we get to it,’ it really feels like a slap in the face. It’s like, oh, so you don’t care if we live or die.”
At the forum, Fluker Oakley also promoted the “Moms Matter Act” that she filed with Sen. Liz Miranda, co-chair of the postpartum depression commission, to grow the perinatal mental health workforce and provide grants to community organizations. The bills (H 1984 / S 1261) were reported out favorably by the Mental Health, Substance Use and Recovery Committee, and the Health Care Financing Committee has until July 3 to take action on the proposals.
Fluker Oakley, asked whether the Legislature has time to tackle the workforce bill in addition to the maternal health omnibus bill, told the News Service, “I have to remain hopeful and optimistic. Otherwise, what am I doing here?”
“So yes, I will say I think there’s time, and we’ll see what happens by the end of session,” Fluker Oakley said. “I’ve had several positive conversations with House leadership throughout the course of the legislative session.”
During the forum, perinatal mental health experts discussed the importance of boosting the use of postpartum depression screenings for new parents and connecting them with treatment.
Maternal mental health disorders are the most common complication seen during pregnancy and birth, affecting one in five women, said Lora Pellegrini, CEO of MAHP. Among Black mothers, 40% experience perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs), though Pellegrini said “few” end up being screened for anxiety or depression.
Research shows that 13 to 19% of new birth parents experience postpartum depression (PPD), a number that’s likely too low, said Beth Buxton, lead of perinatal mental health initiatives at the DPH. She said that range would indicate between 8,897 to 13,134 birthing parents in Massachusetts were affected by PPD in 2021, making the condition more prevalent than the combined cases of preeclampsia and gestational diabetes.
Buxton said only about 16% of eligible pregnant and postpartum people are being screened for PPD, based on regulations that require health plans and providers to report their screening to DPH annually. While Black and Asian individuals have higher rates of experiencing symptoms “often or always,” Buxton said they are far less likely to be screened than white women.
“And when you compare screening rates, the Hispanic birthing population is far less likely to be screened – that’s a new data point,” Buxton said, as she referenced information from the Massachusetts Pregnancy Risk Assessment Monitoring System. “One of the things we’re really asking providers to think about in the community is promoting universal postpartum depression screening. That is so important in multiple settings – not only within a provider setting, but a hospital setting, home visiting programs, a pediatric setting, so the gamut for universal screening.”

eFootball gameplay seem to be going in a bad direction for the past months. To much AI defending/assistance/game balancing, game adding input lag, interceptions, poor passing, fouls not called for, hot potato football not rewarding any type of skillful play. The gameplay feels like its on rails, freedom is gone, players don't respond to your inputs and chances are created by either teams AI players mistakes or incredibly stupid runs. It's just not fun to play anymore. Neither online or vs AI.
eFootball could be fantastic if Konami would listen to ideas, criticism and improve. Here is my wishlist. Feedback based on me and the kids playing on PS4, PS5 and mobile. Offline and online.

1. Reduce the heavy AI assistance / game-balancing / handholding / Auto defending / Dynamic Difficulty / momentum / whatchamacallit (scr...). I understand its for getting new players staying in the game, having a chance getting coins in the events and winning games. And perhaps make games more non-predictable "anything can happen, maybe". With the current AI handholding level its "anything will happen, constantly". So many chances are created by either teams AI players making mistakes or just making incredibly stupid runs, its like a badly scripted B-movie. The amount of goalpost hits and missed open goals is just silly currently, this goes on until the last few minutes of each match. Please reduce it, or even remove it from Co-op and other game modes where skill should be rewarded. I'd rather get smashed 15-0 and learn from a good player. Than having to play another game with: added input lag and your players turn, react with 0,5 sec delay / 1 team loses every header / 4 shots in goalpost / own goals / missed open goals from 2-3m consequently, instead you have to run the ball into goal!!! / hide n seek players with pass receiver running away from the ball positioning behind defender / every ball intercepted / misdirected passes / every pass straight to other team / passes goes through "invisible" player / player freezing or even running wrong direction vs your stick / opponent attacking with high punt or lofted pass but your defender running past the ball towards opposition goal / ball glued to opposite player in the box / every attempt clearing the ball goes short distance straight to other team, even goalie high punt / all stunning shots 3m over the goal before 85min + all the other crap that's in there. This gameplay on rails is so unrewarding. If I manage to do something skillfull the AI assistance just kills the opportunity with any means. When the AI assistance takes a break, I get an easy goal with no effort from a random through pass + tap in. Many times I can't tell if I am playing well or the game has decided I should win/lose, it kills the joy for me and it's just boring. If Konami could tone down all the weird punishments I'd be very grateful.
2. Passing and interceptions. Currently worst ever IMO. Game just decides your pass from a player in balance is 90-180 degrees of straight to opponent. Even on Beginner AI and no matter PA1, 2 or 3😂 And the constant interceptions. No flow in the game. Please work on this Konami.
3. Remove the artificial input-lag. (This is a controversial one, some players simply don't believe our experience it. For me it's obvious as it can be tested offline in several ways on PS5, on mobile I havent tried to confirm it) Stop punishing one side with artificial input lag which make the gameplay feel heavy, unresponsive and your players turn & react with 0,5 sec delay. This is not from server lag as it's there in AI matches and local Trial matches as well, just switch controller between team 1 & 2 and feel the difference. It might activate from beginning of game, or in 2nd half, usually when you are doing well. And vice versa it can dissapear in 2nd half. From my experience it can be reduced or removed by switching playstyle. When finding the right playstyle for that specific match, your players suddenly become responsive again, it can even happen after switching to lowest Manager profiency. I assume its part of the game balancing mechanics. For me this is one of the worst things in the current game, when it kicks in your players don't respond to inputs in time and gameplay just feels awful.
4. Fix the player freezing. Example: after losing a header to last defender suddenly your attacker just freezes. What's going on here? Have Konami added to much AI handholding and broken the game? 😂😂😂
5. Reward different playstyles like build up play. Currently most games seem to be high press, interception ping-pong, quick pass and no dribbles. Hot potato football. Holding the ball has become very difficult. Before the AI assistance and auto defending went berzerk, you could actually keep the ball for a second and do something creative. Without 3-5 guys surrounding your player with no options. Now the gameplay is boring with the lack of variety.
6. Create a game mode free from AI assistance & artificial input lag. Just pure skill. It could be beta, division free or whatever just let us play without the heavy AI handholding. And maybe eFootball will be esports ready 😉. To be honest if another football game is released without momentum/game-balancing /added input-lag and with gameplay based on pure skill. I think eFootball will lose a lot of players.
7. Add Dream team into Trial match. We have 2 kids who love the card collecting and building their team. But playing online is of no interest to them, and won't be in many years. They want to play local PvP or co-op but with their own Dream team. By now we are very tired of playing the same local play Trial match Argentina Vs PSG. The kids have almost stopped playing eFootball, since they cant play against each other with their own team. In addition this would be a great way to test out new players, builds and game mechanics together with a friend. Much more fun than training mode. This mode is what my family is missing most from this game. And if it would be a "pure" mode without any momentum/game-balancing things would be fantastic. Just pure skill, best player wins.
8. Please add Dream team to Trial match local co-op Vs AI. Would be so much fun to test your Dream Team against the AI together with the kids or a friend on the couch beside you. Would love this mode if it would become available.
9. Add local co-op in Events. Would be great if me and the kids could take on the events together. At least add it to the AI events. Then we would actually play them and not just sim them.
10. Myleague local co-op. Add both local and online co-op into Myleague please. A reason to play it and win the league together with the kids 😀
11. Make My League worth playing. 100.000GP for completing 38 matches and winning the league is very poor IMO. Add some skill trainers and raise the GP perhaps?
12. Add all Goal Scorers, Assists and Passes made to Half Time and Full Time game stats. So we can quickly get the overview of which player cards performed well in both teams. That information would be highly appreciated.
13. Contract renewal is way too expensive. Considering many players have paid plenty in real money to get the favourite players, and you only get to keep your player for 1 year. We are paying for this digital football Pokémon and we can't even use it as long as we would like. There should be more ways to get contract renewals, the periods should be longer, 3/6/9/12months and the price should be lower. Currently it's just irritating and another killing the fun factor.
14. Make each playstyle worth using. And reward playing different type of formations. Instead of everyone using META 4 defenders and no wingers/LMF/RMF.
15. Better & more expensive Point shop players. Can we please have some decent players? I'd gladly spend 50000-100000 pink points for a player if his stats are good. IMO there hasn't been an interesting player since Ferrer & Pires. Currently I don't see any use for points except contact renewal.
16. Remove the GP cost for player reset. Having to wait for 2-3 months and then stressing for a few free weeks to retrain and test new builds doesn't make sense. GP is too valuable for me, I use it for Legacy Transfer and Contract renewal, and the few occasional GP buys for Events or hidden gems. I enjoy training players and trying out new builds, if free it would keep me logging in even when there is nothing else to do in the game.
17. Reduce the cost for Legacy transfer. Getting your wanted skills and then transferring to your favourite player is one of the game aspects I really like. But 257,000 GP for one transfer is a lot and takes away much of the fun in Legacy transfer. You get 1 Mbappe for less than 2 Legacy transfer. I am always low on GP these days, and I think 100,000-150,000 GP would be reasonable for Legacy transfer for 1 skill.
18. Legacy transfer of skills to POTW cards. If we could add 1-2 skills to the POTW the cards would be more interesting and I'd spend more coins spinning. We would get more varied and unpredictable squads instead of everybody using the same players. Most players know the good cards, what to expect from opponents cards and how to counter. Lets say you add some strong passing or shooting skills to a player usually weak in that aspect. The unpredicability would be awesome!
19. Replace/delete added skills. Building players would be much more fun if I could replace a trained skill with another one using legacy transfer. Or just be able to delete an added skill. Perhaps my playstyle changes and I want Neymar to have Through passing instead of the previously added Long-range shooting.
20. GP an option for pack spins. But it shouldn't be easy. Hard grind should be rewarded as it gives a reason to play the game. I am thinking 7,5M GP you get 75 spins in a 150 pack. That takes perhaps 6 months to grind. And perhaps the remaining 75 spins is coins only. Lower thresholds like 10 spins för 1M GP would be great but I understand its not gonna happen, as it would hurt the coin sales.
21. Remove the 500 player cap or reduce cost of adding player slots. If you are grinding skill trainers with 0GP players and training players the 500 fills up quite easily. Or reduce the 500.000GP for an extra 50 players to maybe 100.000GP. This 500 player limit is very annoying and seems unnecessary.
22. Add skill trainers and position trainers to each match pass. Would make the Match Pass way more interesting and I would spend coins.
23. Make it worthwhile playing League / divisions. Currently I don't see much reason to play it. A few skill trainers and low GP reward can't motivate me spending the time.
24. Find a way to prevent players from forfeiting games, at least events and co-op. Maybe if you are down a few goals sometimes add a random bonus like score with player X to receive 1 skill trainer, 10000 GP or something. Just to motivate players completing the match. Or create a non forfeit streak, like 10, 20 or 30 games without forfeit and you get an free extra POTW spin. (Credit: Part of this idea is from eFootball Universe Youtube)
25. 1st celebration should also be skippable. It's just time consuming in online games. Not adding any value to except maybe noobs who scored their first goal ever.
26. An option to make Sub tactic clearly visible in Game plan if activated. I played to many games now without knowing I had sub-tactic activated 😂
27. Matchmaking. This was good for a while after the matchmaking update, but not anymore. There must be something seriously wrong here. When playing in Division 9 to 7, we constantly get division 1-2 opponents in the events. Had top 120 and top 200 in a row even. 750M downloads and nobody else playing. Really?
28. The daily penalty needs an upgrade. Suggestion: More fun If I could choose player from my Dream Team. And add random Epic goalies to spice it up 😉
29. Add statistics of headers, penalties and free kicks scored on each player card. This would add value and make it more interesting building squads. Konami you have the data, use it!
30. More variety in Events. BBVA, Turkish, Brazilian Italian, English, Japan league. Over and over and over... Cmon Konami create something different so we can rotate our squads more. Suggestion: An event where only max 4 star players are allowed? Or higher GP rewards the weaker squad you use? (Credit: idea is partly from Rockchok Youtube)
31. More Beat the Clock type of events. Both me and the kids enjoyed this one. Create something similar for skill moves. Example: Perform 5 Double touch + 5 Marseille turn across pitch with fixed dummies or defending players. Or a sequence where you have to perform skill move x and y before scoring.
32. Objectives with extra bonuses. Add weekly objectives or similar. Score a hat-trick, win on penalties or score 5 times using skill move. And get some type of rewards, GP, Skill trainers, Position trainers, avatars, whatever just variety and something to play for.
33. Co-op events. So much potential but the gameplay on rails, AI assistance and the constant random AI punishments kills the fun for me. You feel almost instantly if the AI assistance is on your side or against you. Either everything goes your way and it's too easy or Epics can't make a simple pass, the input lag kicks in and your player is even dragged out of position so the other team can score. Every game feels pre-decided with almost every touch being a mistake or fumble by the team who is supposed to concede a goal. Or its 1 goal back and forth with short sequences where the conceeding team can't touch the ball. In my experience the AI assistance is at its worst in the Co-op games. Quite easy to spot as players regularly just drop the controller. And game continues to auto defend like prime AC Milan, the non-active player is forcefielded holding the ball, every ball in the box is magically sucked to defenders feet and passes and clearings going 90-180 degrees off straight to opponent. Recent example which has happened in several co-op games: Goalie makes several stupid run outs to a perfect 4 man defending line, leaving the net wide open. Changing goalie doesn't help. Same thing with 2nd goalie until opponent gets his 2 goals. Sorry but when my player, gameplay and result is controlled by AI instead of me and my teammate I lose interest.
34. Add 2nd local player to co-op events. Why can't 2 players join the co-op events together from one Playstation? Me and the kids would play co-op events a lot if this was possbile.
35. Booster player forms. Wirtz card and several other are never on A-form. Whats the point of creating a booster card then? (credit: PES Pepe Youtube)
36. Communication. Info on gameplay changes in each update would be appreciated. Like before. (credit: PES Pepe Youtube))
37. Heavy first touch or fumble receiving the ball. +90 Ball control player cant receive a pass without starting to fumble or needing several seconds to gain control, then losing the ball, again and again and again. Does stats even matter when game balancing just decides anyway?
38. Don't launch Crossplay with mobile. I suspect the recent braindead heavy assisted gameplay is needed for upcoming crossplay console & mobile update. This might be what we are getting. Gameplay on rails, autodefend, no skill, unrewarding, boring. I hope I am wrong and the previous fun gameplay on console is not gone forever 😢.
39. Master League? Promised some years ago. I guess it does not generate enough coin sales?
40. Edit mode. Create a custom crest and kits for our dream team.
41. AI games are boring and inconsistent. Even on easier difficulties the dynamic game balancing makes you miss so many chances in 1st half, open goals whatever. Then in 2nd its just walk the ball into box and quick shot goal. But if you decide to pass the ball in the box then it's magnet to defender, why not reward passing in the box? The inconsistency in the AI is just bad. And the coding seems lazy. I watch our 11 year old play and do all the right things, but the game just kills all her self-created chances. On harder difficulties even if I read the play and position perfectly to intercept a pass, the pass goes straight through my defender. And adding to that the constant interceptions and not being able to hold ball more than 0.3sec. To my understanding the AI was better before without having to bypass game mechanics (cheat), instead it was actually playing smarter. For me playing the AI is either to easy once the early game "Thou shall not score" wears off or just boring on higher difficulties. How hard is it to develop AI gameplay which is both fun, rewarding and teaching how to play better?
42. Player speed is broken. The slowest defender will catch up in 2-3 seconds with any attacker running with the ball. No matter stats of players. You make a great pass but this broken game mechanic ruins the opportunity. This is both unrealistic and highly unrewarding.
43. Player switching. Another game mechanic which seems broken and with hidden punishments added. I have mostly been using semi-assist and player oriented switching, R stick to switch. Recently switched to ball-oriented. And in my experience. When the game is against you, it constantly punishes you with bad player switching and worst default player selection. Many times the game refuses to switch to player in front of ball when I am trying to defend. Instead I am flicking through the guys behind the attacking player, while I am trying to get control of my defender. When I have free kick against me, default player is always the worst possible option eg. my CF standing 10m behind the free kick taker. Why? I enjoy a challenge but having to fight with my controller is not one of them.
44. Sort player list by team name. Would help when choosing team for events. And a nice feature when browsing all my players.
45. Position trainers. This feature was a nice addition. But can be improved and made more interesting. (A) Remove the possibility of getting duplicates on full position slots. It's just stupid and annoying. (B) Add random playstyle rewards on the new position. So an AMF Hole Player could also be SS Deep Lying Forward after Position training. (Credit: efNuts YouTube)

Some of these are cosmetics and should be quite easy to implement, whereas others like new type of events takes more effort. Dream team in Trial mode and adding already existing local Co-op to more events/game modes shouldn't be that difficult. Gameplay affecting changes are likely hard and need to be tested so it doesn't affect game in a negative way.
I guess Konami calculates profits are better by pushing all players to online play. But at the same time they are neglecting the player group which prefers offline, and are willing to buy coins to get their favourite players cards. Hopefully Konami will reconsider, add a proper Master League and more offline modes with co-op and PvP.
All in all it should result in a more enjoyable experience for both ballers, casuals, squad-builders, card-collectors and those who just want offline couch co-op or PvP with their Dream team. More people having fun and spending time in the game usually results in praise, recommendations and growing user count = more coins spent. Konami keeps earning and customer base is happy. Everyone wins.
/ Cheers and thanks for reading
(This post is continously edited)
https://preview.redd.it/k4gl1sw8z51d1.jpg?width=731&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e99aba57f1ea3678f5d722365604e52ec97edfb4

The technology is still not there, despite the numerous reports from the media that "we're getting there" year by year
By the subject of the title, I mean creating gametes from a cell of some tissue:
1) Sperm cells from a person with XX karyotype
The thing is there were reports back in 2008, of successfully creating underdeveloped sperm cells from a somatic cell with XX karyotype (using cells from bone marrow) : [1], [2]
But that was more than 16 years ago! Why is this research taking so long?
2) Egg cells from a person with XY karyotype
Would creating an egg cell be more complicated than a sperm cell?
Overall
From more modern reports, it seems like more scientists are using the approach like
Take adult skin cells -> Convert them to iPSCs -> Grow the cells in vitro -> Use new gametes for reproductive experiments
I might have an idea that replicating meiosis is tricky, since the adult cells that we're using have 46 chromosomes and we need to create germ line cells with just 23 chromosomes each. Just placing iPSCs among other germ line cells will not do the thing
What are the biggest issues? Technically difficult? Does the field need more funding? Is the regulatory red tape so bad?

BerbaPrime Berberine offers notable benefits in blood sugar regulation and metabolic enhancement, making it a viable option for those looking to manage diabetes-related symptoms or improve their metabolic health.
However, its effects on weight loss and appetite control are somewhat moderate, and it may not live up to the expectations set by its strong marketing claims, which can feel a bit hyped up.
For weight management & appetite suppression, I would rate it at 3/5.
For those specifically seeking more effective appetite suppression and weight loss, alternatives like PhenQ or Instant Knockout, which contain glucomannan—a soluble fiber that promotes a feeling of fullness—might provide more direct and noticeable results in these areas.
In my opinion, these alternatives are better designed to tackle weight management more robustly by directly suppressing appetite and enhancing metabolic rates than Berbaprime alone.
If you're exploring Berberine as a supplement to manage your blood sugar and potentially cut down on your appetite, here's my honest scoop from firsthand use. It works along similar lines as Metformin by affecting the same metabolic pathway, which is a big plus if you're familiar with diabetes treatments.
However, it's gentler on the stomach compared to Metformin. But keep in mind, if you're already on Metformin, adding Berberine could be overkill, so it's crucial to consult your doctor first.
Also recommend this article on Medium on recommended berberine supplements.
I've noticed some immediate effects, like a bit of a loose stool at first, but this side effect tapered off pretty quickly. More importantly, it significantly cuts down my appetite, although NOT as strongly as other potent appetite suppressants.
This was a real game-changer for me, especially during mid-day cravings that used to be my downfall. If you're on a specific diet like keto, it might be a boon for managing those pesky carb cravings, making it easier to stay on track with your dietary goals.
Lastly, not all Berberine supplements are created equal. I switched to a dihydroberberine form from a slow-release tablet, which was more effective and way easier on my gut compared to the standard Berberine HCL capsules that gave me a hard time with stomach pain.
This type of Berberine is more bioavailable, meaning you get more bang for your buck at lower doses.
If you're juggling other medications, especially statins or thyroid meds, heads up—Berberine could mess with their effectiveness. Always discuss with your healthcare provider before starting it, treat it like any other serious medication, because it really can impact your health regimen significantly.
Nopal cactus or Glucomannan based weight loss pills seem to have much better safety profile, so if you’re looking for better & safer solutions, stick to those.

Introduction
If you are on the lookout for a natural way to suppress your appetite and aid your weight loss efforts, you might have come across BerbaPrime Berberine. This supplement boasts a high-strength Berberine HCL at 97% concentration, each dose delivering a hefty 1500mg.
What sets it apart from other berberine brands is not just its strength, but also its claims of supporting a healthy metabolism, managing cholesterol levels, and keeping blood sugar in check.
All these features sound great, especially if you are trying to manage or prevent issues linked to metabolic health. But let's take a look into what it's like using BerbaPrime daily, from a real user's perspective.

Pros & Cons of BerbaPrime Berberine as a Natural Ozempic Alternative

Pros:

• Blood Sugar Control: Highly effective in regulating blood sugar levels, mimicking some of the glucose-management effects of Ozempic.
• Metabolic Health: Activates AMPK, supporting improved metabolic processes and potentially aiding in weight management.
• Inflammatory Response Reduction: Offers anti-inflammatory benefits that can enhance insulin sensitivity and overall metabolic health.
• Gut Health Support: Positively impacts the gut microbiome, promoting a healthier digestive system which is essential for overall metabolic health.
• Safety Profile: Generally well-tolerated with a good safety profile, manufactured in facilities that follow high-quality standards.

Cons:

• Limited Energy Boosting: Does not significantly enhance energy levels, which may affect motivation for increased physical activity.
• Moderate Appetite Suppression: Less effective at directly suppressing appetite compared to Ozempic, impacting its efficacy in weight management.
• Variable Weight Loss Results: May not directly lead to significant weight loss, with effects on weight being less consistent and less pronounced.
• Initial Digestive Discomfort: Some users may experience gastrointestinal side effects such as stomach upset, especially when beginning the supplement.

Evaluation of BerbaPrime Berberine as a Natural Ozempic Alternative
1. Blood Sugar Regulation: 4/5 BerbaPrime Berberine effectively aids in stabilizing blood sugar levels, mimicking some of Ozempic's effects, due to its potent berberine content which activates AMPK, an enzyme crucial for glucose metabolism. Alternative: Cinnamon supplements are another natural option, known for helping to improve insulin sensitivity and lower blood sugar levels.
2. Appetite Modulation: 3/5 While BerbaPrime Berberine can help stabilize blood sugar, which indirectly aids in controlling appetite, it is less effective at directly suppressing hunger compared to Ozempic. Alternative: Glucomannan, and Nopal cactus are dietary fibes, that might be more effective in creating a feeling of fullness, helping to reduce overall calorie intake.
3. Metabolic Enhancement: 3/5 BerbaPrime Berberine activates AMPK, which can enhance metabolic health by improving how the body uses energy, though its impact may not be as substantial or immediate in terms of boosting calorie and fat burn as Ozempic. Alternative: Green tea extract, which contains catechins and caffeine, has been shown to increase metabolic rate and fat oxidation.
4. Energy Optimization: 2/5 BerbaPrime Berberine may support better glucose utilization, which can indirectly contribute to increased energy levels; however, it does not directly enhance energy in a noticeable way that supports increased physical activity like Ozempic might. Alternative: Coenzyme Q10 (CoQ10) supplements can boost energy by enhancing cellular energy production, particularly beneficial for increasing vitality and endurance.
5. Weight Management Support: 3/5 BerbaPrime Berberine can aid in weight management by improving metabolic health and reducing insulin resistance, which helps in the fat reduction process, but it may not directly cause significant weight loss. Alternative: Nopal cactus, Glucomannan, Garcinia Cambogia. Garcinia has been popular for its hydroxycitric acid content, which can reduce appetite and inhibit the production of new fats, offering more direct support for weight loss.
6. Safety and Tolerability Profile: 4/5 BerbaPrime Berberine is generally safe for most individuals when used as recommended, with its high-quality manufacturing practices ensuring product purity and safety. Some users may experience gastrointestinal discomfort initially, but it is typically well-tolerated. Alternative: Magnesium supplements are well-tolerated and offer numerous health benefits, including better blood sugar control and reduced insulin resistance, with minimal side effects.
7. Inflammatory Response Reduction: 3/5 BerbaPrime Berberine has anti-inflammatory properties that can contribute to reduced systemic inflammation, potentially improving insulin sensitivity and metabolic health. However, its effectiveness in significantly lowering inflammation compared to direct anti-inflammatory supplements is moderate. Alternative: Turmeric, especially when combined with black pepper (which enhances absorption), is highly effective at reducing inflammation due to its active compound curcumin, and it supports overall metabolic health.
8. Gut Health Improvement: 3/5 BerbaPrime Berberine can support gut health by modulating the gut microbiota, promoting the growth of beneficial bacteria, and reducing the population of harmful ones. While it offers some benefits, it may not be as potent or direct in improving overall digestive health as other specialized gut health supplements. Alternative: Probiotics are a direct and effective choice for enhancing gut health, improving digestion, nutrient absorption, and can also positively impact weight management and metabolic health.

Quick Summary

Luma Nutrition Berberine offers a high dosage of berberine hydrochloride aimed at supporting weight loss, appetite control, and blood sugar regulation. However, user feedback reveals mixed results, with some experiencing significant benefits while others report no effect or adverse side effects such as gastrointestinal distress and dizziness.
I think overall, it's a decent berberine supplement for various berberine related health effects.
But given the variability in effectiveness and the potential for severe side effects, it appears that Luma Nutrition Berberine may be overly hyped, especially for those looking for consistent and safe results in weight management and metabolic health.
For appetite suppression & weight loss, I'd rate it at 3, I'd rather recommend something like PhenQ and Instant Knockout for appetite management & weight loss (both are better appetite suppressants than Luma), while Blood Sugar Optimizer does a better job in blood sugar management , being my top pick as (Berberine + Ceylon cinnamon supplement).
Introduction
If you've stumbled upon Berberine while searching for natural supplements to aid weight loss or control appetite, you might be curious about what it actually does.
Berberine is a compound found in several plants that is often used in traditional Chinese medicine. It’s known for its potential to impact blood sugar levels and improve metabolic health. Recently, it's also been gaining attention as a weight loss and appetite control aid and as a natural supplement that cna have some ozempic like effects..
Luma Nutrition is just one of many brands offering Berberine, but they promote their product with some pretty appealing features like being all-natural and vegan-friendly.
If you're curious about trying Luma Berberine, especially for controlling blood sugar and cholesterol, it might do some good.
Now different people have different kinds of expereinces with Berberine.

From my own year-long experience with berberine, not Luma specifically but a similar product, I found that it really helped with things I wasn't even targeting initially—like my chronic migraines pretty much vanished, and to my surprise, my thinning hair got thicker. It also worked wonders for my sleep; I can pretty much clock out the minute I hit the pillow and get a solid 7.5 hours without a hitch. But don't expect miracles in weight loss—I didn't shed pounds, and frankly, it didn't make a dent in my appetite at all.

Now, it's important to talk about how you might feel when starting out and as you continue.
Early days, you might notice some mild stomach issues like gas because your body's getting used to it.
Berberine is tough to absorb, so take it on an empty stomach, about 30 minutes before you eat, to get the most out of it. Luma is no exception!
As time goes on, if you don't give yourself breaks from it, you might see some downsides.
For some people , taking it continuously may lead to some sexual dysfunction and mess with gut health, so I switched to a schedule—500 mg once daily for five days a week and then a break every few weeks.
This routine keeps the side effects in check and helps maintain the benefits without overwhelming my system. So, if you're planning to try it, consider a similar approach to manage any potential issues effectively.

Pros & Cons of Luma Nutrition Berberine

Pros:

• High Dosage: Each dose contains 1200mg of pure berberine hydrochloride, which is higher than many other berberine supplements on the market.
• Sugar-Free and Diet-Friendly: Suitable for individuals on vegan or gluten-free diets, and the capsules do not contain sugar, unlike gummy alternatives.
• Quality Assurance: The product is 3rd party tested for purity and quality, ensuring that what you consume is safe and effective.
• Made in the USA: Manufactured in GMP certified facilities, which guarantees a high standard of production and product safety.
• Veteran-Owned Business: Supports a veteran-owned business that is committed to providing customer support and addressing any product-related inquiries.
• Convenient Supply: Each bottle provides a 30-day supply, ideal for monthly subscriptions to maintain a regular intake without running out.

Cons:

• Potential Side Effects: Some users report side effects such as dizziness, intestinal distress, and heart palpitations.
• Inconsistent Effects on Appetite and Weight Loss: While some users experience benefits in terms of appetite suppression and weight loss, others see no effect, indicating variability in individual responses.
• No Return Policy on Amazon: The product cannot be returned if purchased through Amazon, even if unopened, which might discourage first-time buyers.
• Subscription Issues: There are reports of subscription delivery problems, including delays and receiving fewer capsules than promised.
• Does Not Suit Everyone: Not all users can tolerate the product; some report severe adverse reactions necessitating medical consultation.

Overview of Luma Nutrition Berberine
Luma Nutrition's Berberine comes in capsule form, which I found pretty standard for most dietary supplements. Each bottle contains 60 capsules, with a recommended dosage of two capsules per day.
This means each bottle is essentially a one-month supply if you follow the recommended dosage. The capsules themselves are a bit on the larger side, which might be a concern if you have trouble swallowing pills, but I managed fine.
One of the big selling points Luma Nutrition pushes is that their Berberine is made from all-natural ingredients, is vegan-friendly, and manufactured right here in the USA.
These are nice boxes to check off for anyone who's mindful about the ethical aspects of their supplements. They also claim that their product contains no GMOs, and is free from artificial fillers or dyes—something I appreciate since I try to keep my consumption of unnecessary additives to a minimum.
An independent company has verified the contents and safety of the product, which helps in building trust, especially if you're cautious about the purity of supplements. I found these details important not just for peace of mind but also because when it comes to supplements, you really want to make sure you're ingesting something safe and as advertised.

My Ratings Evaluation of Luma Nutrition Berberine as a Natural Ozempic Alternative

Blood Sugar Regulation

Rating: 4/5
Luma Nutrition Berberine contains 1200mg of Berberine HCI derived from Berberis aristata per serving, which is known for its potent effects on lowering blood sugar levels. Clinical studies have shown that Berberine can be effective in managing blood sugar, making it a strong natural alternative for mimicking some of the glucose-regulating effects of Ozempic. However, it might not be as consistently powerful as Ozempic, hence the deduction of one point.

Appetite Modulation

Rating: 3/5
While Berberine is primarily known for its impact on blood sugar and cholesterol, its effects on appetite are less direct. Some users report reduced appetite possibly due to better blood sugar control, which can decrease cravings and help with weight management. However, it's not specifically an appetite suppressant like Ozempic, so it scores a middle range for this category.

Metabolic Enhancement

Rating: 3/5
Berberine is reputed to have positive effects on metabolic health, primarily through the enhancement of glycolysis, which helps the body break down sugars more efficiently, and by improving insulin sensitivity. These actions can contribute to a higher metabolic rate indirectly. However, compared to Ozempic, which has a more direct role in enhancing metabolic outcomes, Berberine's effects are more moderate.

Energy Optimization

Rating: 2/5
While Berberine has been noted for its metabolic benefits, it is not primarily known for directly boosting energy levels. Users may experience increased energy indirectly through improved metabolic health and better blood sugar control, but it does not inherently contain energy-boosting properties like caffeine or other stimulants. Therefore, its capacity to support increased physical activity and vitality is limited and not as pronounced as the effects you might see with Ozempic.

Weight Management Support

Rating: 4/5
Berberine has shown promising results in supporting weight management through its ability to improve insulin sensitivity and enhance the breakdown of fats and sugars in the body. This can lead to reduced fat accumulation and support gradual weight loss, which aligns well with some of the weight loss mechanisms seen with Ozempic. While not as directly impactful as Ozempic, which is specifically designed for weight management in diabetic patients, Berberine holds its ground as a supportive supplement for natural weight management.

Safety and Tolerability Profile

Rating: 4/5
Berberine is generally considered safe when used appropriately, with common side effects being gastrointestinal discomfort such as cramps, diarrhea, or constipation. These side effects are typically mild and can often be managed with dosage adjustments. It is well-tolerated by most individuals, making it a viable alternative for those looking for natural supplements with minimal adverse effects. However, like any active compound, it's important to consult with a healthcare provider, especially for those with existing health conditions or those taking other medication.

Inflammatory Response Reduction

Rating: 3/5
Berberine has demonstrated some anti-inflammatory properties, which can contribute to overall health improvements, including enhancing insulin sensitivity and metabolic function. These benefits are crucial for managing conditions like diabetes and obesity, which are often accompanied by chronic inflammation. However, the anti-inflammatory effects of Berberine are not as extensively documented or as potent as those of some pharmacological treatments like Ozempic, which have broader systemic impacts. Therefore, while Berberine supports inflammation reduction, its effectiveness in this area is moderate compared to more targeted treatments.

Gut Health Improvement

Rating: 2/5
Berberine's impact on gut health is less clear and direct. Some studies suggest that Berberine can alter gut flora, potentially leading to improved gut barrier function and reduced permeability, which can indirectly support nutrient absorption and overall gut health. However, these effects are not as well studied or as pronounced as its effects on blood sugar and metabolism. Therefore, while there may be some potential benefits to gut health, they are not a primary function of Berberine, making it less effective in this category compared to Ozempic, which can have more noticeable effects on metabolic health and weight management through gut-related mechanisms.

“Labyrinths” clocks in at a little over an hour in length, and while it isn’t notably longer than other episodes this season, those few extra minutes give this week’s story a leisurely feel, even when the action is intense. Given the subject and also the setting, this isn’t a bad thing, however; even when you’re in a hurry, rushing through a library would feel wrong.
Every item on the shelves looks like something produced by western Earth bookbinding techniques. Maybe the section our characters are walking through is the Earth section, but even so where are the clay tablets and the scrolls and the accordion bindings? Why does a Betazoid manuscript from the 24th century use the same binding techniques and have the same physical appearance as something created at a medieval European scriptorium?
I understand that all else aside, Discovery is a television show that needs to use visual language to quickly communicate concepts to its viewers, all of whom reside on Earth (or very near Earth, it’s possible astronauts aboard the ISS are watching Discovery, I don’t know). So on that level I get why the library is filled with regular old bound folios — plus, of course, it was filmed at a real library at the University of Toronto (more about that below).
But this is also Star Trek, and if there’s one thing Star Trek loves to do it’s to take everyday objects and make them look silly and futuristic — Burnham’s 23rd century copy of “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland”, for example, had noticeably translucent binding. Sometimes those efforts can result in props and art direction that end up being a little distracting, but in this case it was the lack of them that I found to be so.
Turn it up. I love that Star Trek portrays a future where physical books are still read and published and valued, but I wanted to see a little more. Show me what a Cytherian bookshelf would look like. Maybe they store all their soup recipes as holographic text floating in transparent cubes or something.
[...]
Hy’Rell’s characterization leading up to this moment has walked such a fine line — bubbly and customer service-y and unconcerned about urgency or danger — between interesting and potentially annoying, but between the writing and the performance I actually think they nailed it. She is peculiar in a way that seems realistic for someone who’s lived their whole life as sort of a wizardy space monk, but without going to the expected stereotypes of quiet sage or uptight librarian.
Hers is a temperament we don’t see much on Discovery and as such it immediately stands out; it’s nice to meet a new character and not immediately know what character trope they’re going to fill. Stopping to correct her own joke about throwing the Breen in the dungeon — “It’s really more of an oubliette” — and being the only person who even gets that it’s a joke in the first place? Love it.
[...]
I enjoyed David Ajala as the cool, unflappable proctor of Derex’s test. Unlike Wilson Cruz’s portrayal of Jinaal earlier this season, this performance is still similar enough to the real Book that it doesn’t feel like we’re seeing an entirely different character, but an alternate take on him. This Book is calmer but also sassier in a way, not rude by any means but also not as concerned about being diplomatic in how he speaks with Burnham. I wonder how much of the proctor’s personality is the program itself, and how much is brought by the person generating it; how much of this Book is created by Michael’s perceptions of the real one?
[...]
Looks like Discovery’s last stop-off for repairs involved refilling the bridge’s propane tanks. It was like Truckasaurus back there with those huge open flames shooting around while they made their way through the Badlands! Whatever subsystem that is could maybe use a redesign.
[...]
It makes complete sense that despite her bravado, Moll wouldn’t actually be supportive of the man who made L’ak’s life miserable and, at least indirectly, led to his death. But her naked concern for the wellbeing of the Archive and the apparent destruction of Discovery is something I wasn’t expecting. Up ‘til now she’s seemed perfectly comfortable with leaving as many bodies in her wake as necessary to achieve her goals. But now? It appears that maybe Moll has started to grow a conscience. She’s still desperate, but no longer quite so indifferent. [...]"
Claire Little (TrekCore)
Link:
https://blog.trekcore.com/2024/05/star-trek-discovery-review-labyrinths/

This is my third post here in under a month and I feel like I’m such a clown, but I’m an extremely anxious person and Googling is just making me even more anxious.
I had my trigger shot on the 4th, my retrieval on the 6th and my transfer on the 8th. I was told to test on the 24th so still six days of waiting, and my period is supposed to start either on Monday or Tuesday.
Because of my inability to wait I started testing on Monday, trying to figure out when the trigger shot would be leaving my body. I tested postitive on Monday and then negative on Tuesday and Wednesday so I took that to mean that the trigger shot had left my body.
On Thursday I started to feel the usual period cramps. I often get them up to five days before I actually start my period so I kinda decided that the IVF hadn’t worked and I was about to start my period. I decided to take a test though, since it was four days before my period would start and that’s the timeframe most test give. I had one left and it was a digital Clearblue one (I bought a 3in1 pack last month). After a couple of minutes it read “pregnant”. My first thought was that it was too sensitive and was picking up some leftover hormones from the trigger shot so I went out and bought a pack of non digital ones. They also came back positive.
I tested yesterday and this morning as well and they came back positive but the line is not getting any darker, which kinda frightens me and I’m still having the period cramps so I’m thinking this is a false alarm (my breasts are also sore, but my nipples aren’t - during my last pregnancy nipples hurt like hell). I’m gonna stop testing now until the 24th just for my own mental health, I got pregnant last year from an IUI but had an MMC so I guess I’m just afraid of that happening again.
I’m doing this on my own and I’m not telling anyone close to me that I’m testing earlier than I was told to so don’t have anyone to confide in. I don’t really have a question, maybe just need reassurance that all hope is not lost.

My fiance says he wants to have the freedom to mess about with other people whilst in a relationship with me, i asked what he meant by that and what he thought he'd achieve from that, he said it's a bit of freedom that he's craving, i said that's fine and he's perfectly entitled to that but that i wouldn't be able to endure that, i said that watching him flirt with people in front of me or find out he's ''gotten off a bit with someone'' would break me, i know it may sound selfish but with my bipolar, i dont think i could cope, i dont think i would be able to pick myself up, especially alone, i turned my back on my family due to an ultimatum i got given by them in which i chose him (im slowly trying to repair the relationship with them) . My fiance said he spoke to other couples, even his parents and that it's normal for a bit of flirting and freedom in a relationship. He's saying I'm being controlling, even his mother has told me I'm clipping his wings and that he comes from a family of free spirits. I had a conversation with him last night and explained all these things. It hurts slightly that i don't think he understands what he means to me, i explained that a relationship for me is commitment and a promise that he is mine and i am his, but maybe i'm just possessive i dont understand whats going on, i don't have a great deal of relationship experience in comparison to him. it's just little things he does that just chip away at me, the way he'll ogle at someone walking past, flirt with people in front of me etc, the fact that he wants to ''get off a bit with other people'' yet won't really do anything with me, it just makes me feel so unloveable. He also said that he doesn't want to break up and wants us to continue dating and that maybe in 5 years time he can settle down. I tried compromising and saying we could just take a long break so he can experience what he wants and that i'd wait for him until he tells me not to, but looking back on it i feel awful because i've now put a burden on him and he'd feel bad for me waiting but i don't mind waiting. I'm completely and utterly devoted to him. He said its normal for other people to have his thoughts and the people he's spoken to have agreed as long as there are set boundaries, but it goes against everything I stand for, for me the line in the sand is him ‘’getting off with people’’. i ended things yesterday night and said ''if you cannot promise you won't kiss or sleep with other people whilst with me (i ended up compromising saying he can flirt with other people) i cannot be in this relationship, it'd break me'' and he replied saying ''im so sorry but i can't promise that'' so i wished him the best and said i hope he finds what he's looking for and said goodbye, but then he kept ringing and texting asking to speak and saying he was sorry and doesn't want to lose me. Long story short, I took him back, but that might have been due to me being emotional. I don't think my father has ever held me like he did that night when I was bawling on the floor. I just want what's best for him but I really can't compromise on certain things, and the fact that I compromised to let him flirt with people hurts. it hurts so much. I just don't want to be controlling. How can I be okay with what he's wanting, or at least how can I reduce the damage done to me by letting him have this freedom?
I’m sorry if this is a hard read, i didn't structure it well and wrote this quite emotional i just want to be able to mend the damage i have done

I just did the fasting and 2 hour glucose test 9 weeks postpartum and I failed the 2 hour test horribly (240 mg/dl, threshold is 200 mg/dl). I have an appointment with my endo next month but has anyone been in a similar situation? Does this definitely mean that I am now diabetic?
I was diet and exercise controlled for my entire pregnancy and have no risk factors other than being over the age of 25. Never spiked for fasting numbers and had a few spikes post meals cause of the food choices I made. My endo and gynae were both relatively confident that the postpartum test wouldn't be a concern for me but then this happened and I am devastated :( Hoping to hear from others about their experiences!

Hey, so you ever get a birthday present that's so not your style, but you really can't return it because it'd be really awkward? Normally it's like, I dunno. Shoes, or shirts or something like that, right?
For me it was four fire-breathing horses.
Okay, so I should clarify. My dad didn't really give me four fire-breathing ponies to keep. It was more of a test for him to treat me like his son again.
See, I just recently got out of a Styx oath that would have led me to eternal damnation if I didn't fulfill it. It's a long story, but to keep it short: I swore an oath on the Styx to be a brave hero by my eighteenth birthday when I really should have just pinkie promised. But yeah. My dad, God of War and dad of the year took it well. …In that he pretty much said that I was a waste of space, disowned me and he'd personally hand me over to the Styx for eternal damnation.
Nice guy. Really should get into motivational speeches.
The night before, after riding the high of not having the threat of being sent to Super Hell I had a pretty bad dream. I mean, it wasn’t the normal David nightmare. It wasn't me killing endless hordes of monsters while my dad laughed at how pathetic I was.
Well, half of that. It was just my dad. To be honest, rather I’d take the monsters.
He was laughing at me, with that smug face of his, in that all-leather biker outfit with the shades that made him look even more like an asshole, as if that's hard to believe.
Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to cuss. Anyways yeah. Me and my dad. Not the best relationship, even by demigod standards.
He gave me a toothy grin, like a shark’s as he circled around me. I instinctively stood up straight, at attention. As much as I hate my dad, ticking off a god is a pretty dumb thing to do. Plus, I was pretty dumbfounded to see him here in my dream of all things.
“Well, color me surprised. To be honest, boy, I thought I'd end up taking care of this myself. So, congratulations on that front. But, sorry to burst your bubble, it might be good enough for ol’ Styxy but…it’s not good enough for me. But, you know, I'm a generous guy! Prove me you're a warrior. Do that, and I'll welcome you back in the family with open arms. I even got the perfect way for you to prove yourself.”
Without warning, he tossed me a set of keys with a miniature boar-headed keychain and a really big switchblade on the end of it. I fumbled with it before slipping it into my pocket.
“An oldie but a goodie. Used to let my sons prove themselves to me all the time with this one. Now, I'm sure once you see what I got planned you'll know the rules, considering you're a fuckin’ nerd. But in case you forget…”
He lowered his shades, revealing balls of fire as he glared right at me.
“Sundown. My temple. Don't be late or I'll toss you in the Styx myself. Well! Have fun, yeah? I'm looking forward to watching you fail this one, like your last quest. Now, get up. Clock’s ticking after all…”
“Gaah!”
I snapped my eyes open, falling out of my bed and onto the hard floor under me. As soon as I hit the floor, I could hear one of my many siblings start to stir from their sleep. Immediately, my sister Tiffany started to sigh as she shot up from her bed. I could see her pastel pink sleep mask perched on her head as she glared into the darkness of the early morning. She groaned in frustration, her words cutting through the quiet of the dawn.
"What the hell are you idiots doing?"
To be fair, I could see why she’d think that. Most of my siblings were fond of pranking each other every now and then. The chaos of the Ares cabin was unmatched from most cabins, except maybe Hermes. But, when you cut off her beauty sleep, the threat of an angry Tiff was usually was enough to make nighttime a truce. Usually.
My sister rubbed her eyes and looked down at me. I sheepishly gave a smile as I rubbed my head, still sore from when it hit the floor.
"Seriously, David?"
Tiffany got out of bed and silently made her way to me. She wordlessly held out a hand and I grasped at it as she pulled me up.
"Thanks Tiff. I had this dream, where Dad called me a nerd and was talking to me about testing me now that my Styx Oath is..."
I felt something hard and metallic poke against my leg, from my sweats pocket. I pulled out the unfamiliar object and to my surprise, there were the same keys from my dream. My eyes widened as I realized that my dream was a little bit more than usual demigod stuff.
"Oh. That...wasn't a dream."
She raised an eyebrow as she looked at the keys that sat in my hand. I played with the accessories, absentmindedly feeling the boar head and the switchblade knife. She leaned in, peering at the keys as the dawn started to rise.
"What the hell are those for?"
She looked to the keys, then back at my face, and then the keys again. She looked at me as if I just said that Kronos was about to come back and throw an ice cream party courtesy of the Titans.
"You're telling me Dad gave those to you or something? You're joking. Have to be."
I shook my head, but I could see why she thought so. I was pretty sure I was near the bottom, if not at the bottom of his list of favorite kids. If I was being honest, I was pretty sure he wanted me dead more than a few times.
"Tiff, you know that I'm not exactly Dad's favorite by a long shot. Why would I say something like that and risk him getting even mad more mad at me because of my lying? Dad disowned me, remember? He mentioned something along the line in my dream that if I pass his test I'd be treated as one of his sons again but he didn't mention what it..."
The gears started turning as I looked at the keys in my hands.
”A test…keys…sundown…oh no. Oh, no.”
I immediately pocketed up my keys and started putting on my shoes. No time for pants, sweats would do just fine, I just had to make sure to take my wallet with me, considering I was going to New York now. I had to be quick or this test was over before it even started.
"No. I...I think I know what it is. But if I'm right, then shoot I gotta get going then! Before our brothers take it."
In hindsight, I probably should have told Tiff a bit about my thoughts. But, the more I delayed the more issues that could have cropped up. I just had to make sure it was safe.
"Take what? Where the hell are you going?!"
I burst out of the cabin, staring at what was in front of our cabin. I felt a bit of nervousness bubble up as my thoughts were proven true. Tiffany was close behind me as she walked outside our cabin. I looked at her face and caught an expression of wonder as whatever she was going to ask me was forgotten. Parked in front of the cabin was a red and gold Harley. The seat was white leather and gave a sorta…humany vibe to it that I did not wanna think about. Only one thing came to mind, something I knew instinctively from the moment I saw it. Dad's War Chariot.
Or as the god of war would call it, his chariot.
"I...I think dad wants me to take his ride for a spin."
I ran my hand over the cold metal, and I realized what Dad meant about the “oldie but a goodie.” A while back, before the Second Titan war ended, and all of the children of the gods had to be claimed, there was a ritual all sons of Ares went through. It was something all my brothers did at fifteen. Drive around his Chariot and return it before sundown. It wasn't easy, my Godly siblings, Phobos and Deimos both loved to mess with whoever was in charge of the chariot at the time. And you had to deal with monsters too, but overall when it came to demigod stuff it wasn’t the most dangerous around. I dunno if that says a lot about how dangerous this life can get though.
But, shortly after the then-counselor Clarisse La Rue became the first girl to do it, Dad pulled the plug. I dunno if it was good ol’ sexism, someone totaling it, or dad not wanting to let all of his kids drive his ride, either way it wasn't super common nowadays. It wasn't like he stopped, but it was something given, not a right. Dad letting me do this was him at least giving me a chance to prove myself to be one of his kids, which was more than I expected to be honest.
I took a breath as I looked at Dad’s ride, feeling a pit of unease in my stomach as I started to climb in. If it wouldn't end up with me being tormented for the rest of my short life, I'd tell him no and go back to sleep. But, telling a god no, especially my dad is a neat way to be turned into a rodent. Or a fine red paste. Or a rodent that would be turned into said paste.
Tiffany's brows furrowed as she processed my words, a layer of disbelief on her face as she chewed over it.
You? He wants you to drive it? I...that...what the hell?"
I fought off a wince as she looked at me, then the ride, then back at me again. I could tell she was a bit annoyed. I mean, yeah from her perspective I was singled out by dad to do something she probably wanted to do for a while. I felt a pit of guilt in my stomach, it wasn't fair, really. But at the same time I had to do this.
"I mean, seriously? He must be out-"
She cut herself off. Calling my dad crazy was another way to get turned into a rat that would then be turned into a fine paste. Actually a lot of things carried the threat, my dad is kinda a jerk. I sighed, figuring I might as well tell her about why Dad was doing this. I didn't wanna hide it, but it's not like I like to talk about the fact that I've been disowned for two years. She knew, most of us did. But it's not something I like bringing up, because yeah. It sucks.
"I read a bit about previous Ares campers. He used to do this more often, at first only his sons did, but later his daughters could. I dunno why he stopped but, this isn't really like he's doing it because he's proud of me. I'm sorta disowned, remember? He said if I can drive the chariot, he'll take me back as one of you guys again. It's...more of a test to earn myself back into his good graces, I think.”
Tiffany listened to my explanation, not saying anything for a bit She looked a bit bothered about the fact that I was chosen to drive the Chariot, which again, not surprising.
"Ugh, I guess that makes sense."
I could hear the frustration in her voice as she crossed her arms. I winced again, preparing for her to resent or hate me. But to my surprise, I heard her add more in a softer voice.
"Well, don't get yourself killed trying to pass this stupid test, I don't want to have to explain to everyone why you're not coming back."
Her icy tone defrosted as she looked back at me with a bit of concern in her eyes. She seemed less annoyed and more worried about me, which was sweet. Not that I'd let her hear that. I hoped that maybe, dad would let her give it for a spin later down the road. If anyone deserved it, it would be her. I gave a nervous laugh as I took the keys out of my pocket.
"Of course, I passed my Styx Oath, didn't I? It'd be really dumb of me to die right after barely avoiding that, right? Oh, yeah. If Ellie asks for me, tell her about dad's little test he has for me. Hopefully it won't be too long but you know how it is with godly stuff. I should be back in time for us to hang out for the rest of my birthday once I do this for dad. I'll bring back something cool!”
I felt my trepidation fade away as I prepared to drive. Lots of my siblings dreamed of piloting the chariot. It wouldn't be right to reject the opportunity when it was given to me. And, who knows? Getting back in Dad's good graces (or as much as one can get in them) might help me out. At least I would have one less target on my back. As I sat down in the white leather seat, I put the keys in the ignition and instantly it began to morph.
OOC:Read this while listening to whats coming up
The front split apart into one steel horse that slowly split into two, and then four cream-colored horses that looked around with a cruel intelligence. The seat dipped, and warped before it became a horse-drawn chariot I was now standing in. The chariot was gold and blood red, adorned with the lovely images of people dying gruesome deaths, because Dad's taste in decor is somewhere between military surplus and serial killer, apparently.
“Okay…so, I need to get to Dad's temple before sundown. I don't know New York highways though, so how can I…oh hey! A gps!”
My fingers brushed against a touch screen set up on the chariot and punched The Intrepid into the coordinates. I gave one last wave to my sister before I lashed the horses and they immediately took off. I led them out of camp easily enough, but as we reached the highway they sped up to an impossible speed for a chariot. Their speed was even faster than any cars on the highway, rivaling the time that Aphrodite camper drove us to the beach once. I pulled back on the reins, trying to get them to slow down. Instead, they gave a rebellious snort and went even faster.
I would like to say that I embraced my inner Ares kid and relished the challenge. But I'm not going to lie, when you end up going past 80 MPH in a chariot, you tend to think you're going to die, fun fact. I screamed for most of the way, yanking and pulling at their reins so we could bob and weave through traffic.
It's a bit of a drive from Camp Half-Blood to New York City, I know it well, it’s a pretty common place for me to go for some monster slaying. But, up until now, I've been in the passenger seat while Argus drives. The speed of the horses really made the time go by faster. As we entered the city, the horses started to slow down and I felt a ray of hope as I started to steer them through the city. I gave a triumphant laugh as I looked down at my ETA. It was surprisingly quick, considering how congested New York can get. And I didn't see hide or hair of either one of my godly brothers, so I felt pretty good, all things considered.
“Huh. That's weird. There's not many cars today…my luck must be turning around!”
“Traffic update: Incoming Monsters. Rerouting. Cannot reroute.”
“Huh?”
Immediately, a massive boar the size of a garbage truck burst from a nearby alley way behind me. Behind the massive pig, two armored bank cars recklessly merged into traffic. One leaned out, revealing a gray-skinned human in body armor brandishing a shotgun.
“Of course! I had to open my big mouth! Is there anything that I’m going to have to deal with?”
“You are on the fastest route!”
“Well that’s just GREAT! Now I can be on the quickest way to the underworld!”
”Rerouting to: D.O.A. Records, Los Angeles.”
“Woah, woah, woah, no! Keep me on The Intrepid! The Intrepid!”
Seeing all these enemies together though, I started to put a thought in my head. They all had something in common, now that I saw them all in front of me. A boar was sacred to Ares, Spartoi too came from a dragon sacred to him. I put the pieces together as I saw the monsters come out of the woodwork and all to me. Now things made sense. The lack of Phobos and Deimos, the sacred beings to Ares, the lack of mortals on the street.
I didn't see my siblings because Dad wanted to mess with me personally.
Even now, I don't know if he wanted to test me in a Spartan way, or if he just wanted to get rid of me without kinslaying. Either way, I couldn't back down now. Not when I was so close. I snapped on the reins and the rebellious horses continued on their path, bickering and weaving left and right as they snorted and whinnied.
I heard the wiz of something traveling through the air and quickly moved out of the way. A metal feather hit the chariot, bouncing off the hull and onto the ground. I looked up and saw a few birds. They were black and crow-like, but their feathers had a metallic sheen, like iron. Their wings flapped and I heard the sound of metal on metal as they soared above me.
“Dad called in feather-shooters too? Come on!”
I steered left and right as I evaded the metal feathers shooting at me. The newcomers behind me quickly gained as I bobbed and weaved. I had to figure a way out of this, and fast. Problem was, I was quickly outnumbered and outmatched. I wasn't the best at archery, and my sword could shoot a blast of force, courtesy of the then Forgemaster. Main issue was it took a bit to charge, and I couldn't take them on so high up.
I couldn't run. I needed to fight out of this. But even if I could fight the two Spartoi and the big pig, the problem was the birds. I didn't have a ranged option…or did I? I looked to the horses, breathing embers as they huffed and pulled the chariot further on. Ares kids couldn't talk to horses, but these were godly horses. They seemed smarter than your average horse. Maybe I could talk them into behaving, the same way I got some of my siblings to listen to the plan during Capture the Flag.
“Hey guys, are you bored? I'm sure Dad and my brothers take all the good fights, huh? You know, if you guys continue fighting each other, I might lose this and you guys will miss out on a good fight.”
At first, I thought it fell on deaf ears. But then, they stopped their jostling and started to take a more unified path as we raced along the streets. Like I thought, they enjoyed a good fight as much as their owner did.
“That's what I like to see. Look, we're pretty surrounded right now. What do you say we rampage a bit before I take you guys home?”
An evil-sounding whinny came from the horses. I couldn’t really speak horse, but I took that as an okay and pointed at the birds above us. Did I feel stupid? Kinda. But as long as it worked, I couldn’t complain.
“See them? All yours. I'll cover you guys from the ground forces, and in exchange, you guys fall in line. Alright?”
A burst of fire came from one of the horses in response and I heard a loud squawk as it engulfed one of the feather-shooters. I breathed a sigh in relief as the rest of the birds started to scatter. They veered left and right in an attempt to avoid the flaming streams that were now sporadically being fired in their direction.
“Alright! Good job, I'll leave it to you!”
I gave a smile as I turned behind to my land-based foes, quickly gaining on me. I could hear the occasional woosh of fire as the horses fought the birds. One of the armored trucks caught up to my right and one of the spartoi leaned out of the vehicle. They aimed down the sights and pointed their shotgun at me.
“Sudden traffic in your area. You will be delayed by…five minutes. You are still on the fastest route!”
“Woah, that’s not fair! Come on Dad! A gun? Really!?”
I felt a tug in my stomach. It wasn’t something I could do a lot in a row without being exhausted, but I had some sorta pull when it came to weapons. When I gave a command, they were able to fall right out of their owner’s hands.
“Alright, let’s even the playerfield shall we?”
I held out my hand and they dropped it, the gun fell onto the ground, crushed by the wheels of the car. The second caught up to my left and once again, a spartoi leaned out of their car, weapon in hand.
“Another one!? Come on! How am I going to…”
I was jerked to the side as the horses suddenly veered right. At first, I thought it was the horses misbehaving again, but then a monstrous squeal came from behind me, rushing forwards.
Crash
I heard the sound of steel groaning as the boar rushed past the truck, pushing their truck out of the way as they aggressively charged forward. It was a good thing I managed to get out of the way, or else I would have been in trouble. I could see the spartoi shaking their fist as they spun out, their car massively dented with a massive gash in the armor. Now that I had to deal with two enemies, I decided to use the boar’s momentum to my advantage. I pulled back on the reins and the boar kept barreling on, too fast to stop as I made the chariot suddenly stop and then take a sudden turn away from the temple. The boar ran straight into a brick wall, seemingly dazed but otherwise okay.
”Rerouting...”
That temporarily took care of two of my enemies. Now that I had one to worry about, and my horses were pretty steady, I could start this fight in earnest. I kept one hand on the reins as I grabbed my Miku keychain. I unclipped it, and the keychain turned into a katana, with said keychain still on the bottom. It was my sword, Anime (I want to clarify, my friend Jules named it, not me). One of the Spartoi readied a spear and lunged at me. I parried it with my blade, and stabbed at their chest. I felt my blade plunge into their body. I pulled away at it, slashing at it again to tear it apart. To my disappointment though, the monster quickly reformed.
I don't know what I expected, to be honest. They wouldn't be much of an immortal soldier if they died after the first hit. But it bought me valuable time as we pushed forward. Almost as soon as its bones knit back together, it struck at me. I guarded once again, my sword starting to glow brighter and brighter with each strike. Our blades clashed and separated again and again for, I don’t know how long to be honest. I was putting up a good fight, but I just couldn’t gain the upperhand in that fight. For starters, if it was a monster or even a demigod it’d be ten ways to Tartarus at the moment. But, no matter how I sliced or diced it, the immortal soldier kept on coming back. Also, I just wasn't used to multitasking like that, I held on as tightly as I could, but the brief times I practiced Chariot combat with my friends Jules and Cel, I was either driving or fighting. Both at the same time was hard, and I was lucky that the horses were so cooperative.
I heard the whinny of one of the horses ahead as I looked back to the front. No sign of the birds meant that there was a few extra-crispy feather-shooters along the road somewhere, which was good news. But then, I looked out in front and realized that there was a big problem. One of the trucks we left behind somehow got in front of us, blocking the road with their car. Five spartoi were standing outside of the car, swords and spears drawn as they headed the chariot off.
At this moment, I knew I was screwed. I was too fast to just stop. And, even if I did stop, I’d have to deal with all the angry skeleton men chasing me down. I just winced, bracing for impact. But then, I heard a neigh as the horses pulling my chariot started to turn into steel and combined once more. The chariot started to shift, the creak of metal folding and turning. I quickly sheathed my sword as the reins turned into chrome handlebars which I gripped like my life depended on it. The chariot continued to morph until once again it was a motorcycle with flame patterns. I veered as left as I could, narrowly avoiding hitting the side of a nearby building as I sped past the skeletal blockade. I braked, motorcycle now turning back into the chariot form as I turned back and watched as the car that was chasing me slammed straight into the other.
The now pissed spartoi stumbled out of the wreckage and started to scream undead obscenities to each other. I couldn’t speak ghost, but whatever they said seemed to be pretty rude, because both sides started to unsheath their swords and get into an all-out brawl. One of the spartoi sliced the other in two, and they didn’t reform this time as their essence slid into their black sword.
Huh. Well, that was one way to deal with them.
“Whew! Good horses.”
I turned, ready to snap the reins once again, but I stopped as I saw what was waiting for me at the other end of the road. The boar, still very much on my trail stood in front of me. It pawed at the ground in front of it, and my horses started to do the same. I stared at the boar, unsheathing Anime once again as we stared off.
“Keep straight for…500 feet.”
The thing about boars is that they can be pretty deadly. They’re brutish and aggressive, and they go down fighting. You know the crossguard that’s near the pointy end of a spear? That’s so the animal doesn’t run up the spear to take you out with it. You don’t think them being that dangerous, but there’s a reason that dad’s symbol is a boar.
I had to make this quick, and efficient or I’d end up maimed, or worse. I snapped the reins one more time, and the horses started to dash down the street. The boar squealed as it barreled to me. I could see it get closer and closer. I grit my teeth, holding my blade in my right hand as it started to shine more and more brightly. My hand held onto the grip tightly, bracing for my next action.
I’d have one shot at this.
I miss, I’m dead.
I hesitate, I’m dead.
I don’t hit the vitals, I’m dead.
Time started to slow around me as I watched the boar rush at the chariot, enraged as it reached the point where there was no stopping it now. I could see the powerful muscles push and pull, the beast using all its power in an attempt to off me for good. I felt heat coming from the front as all four horses breathed a stream of flames at the swine. The boar kept on charging forwards, through the fire as the flames engulfed it. An angry squeal erupted from the inferno as it lept up from the sea of flames, still on fire as it used its strong legs to clear the horses and go straight for me.
Breathe in
I felt a sense of calm wash over me as I pulled my sword hand back. My blade shined brilliantly, even in the May sun. I watched it fall ever closer to me, the flames still eating away at the flesh. I stared into its ever-angry eyes, burning brighter than the flames surrounding it. I don’t falter. I’ve faced monsters that have crushed my bones. I don’t feel fear. I’ve fought creatures that could have killed me in five seconds. This is it. I need it to be perfect.
Breathe out.
SHING
I swung my blade and a rush of air followed it, making an arc that flew to the boar. I don’t doubt my skills. I simply watch, confident that this will end the monster once and for all. The blast, charged from my fight flew unimpeded. The beast’s chuffs turned into surprised squeal as it sliced the boar cleanly in two, bisecting it from the snout down. I sheathed my sword and put both hands back on the reins, eyes on the road as I barely watched what came next. The flaming boar started to fade into dust, still falling through the air until only a tusk was left. I held out my arm and caught it with my right hand.
“Oh hot, hot!”
I juggled it a bit with one hand before placing it down on the chariot floor. I grinned triumphantly as I realized what happened. Dad tried to test me, to see if I was “worthy” or he genuinely tried to kill me. Either way, I beat him this time, proving to him that I was more. That he underestimated me when we first met, that I was a brave warrior all along. In the end, I proved to him that I could fulfill my Styx oath even past what was expected of me. I laughed as I sped up, I felt pretty good about my victory. I wondered how his face would look, or if I could read his expression past his dumb sunglasses.
But as I rounded the corner, a terrifying sight came to my face as my glee turned to sorrow. I watched with horror as I realized Dad’s influence on the fight kept a more dangerous foe than any before at bay. Now that the fight was over, he had no reason to keep it around, and for once, I wasn’t sure if I could get through this unscathed. I gulped as I put my hands on the reins, not ready to face the impossible challenge alone. I hoped it wouldn’t break me as I prepared what little I had to fight this foe.
”There is an unusual amount of traffic in your area today.”
“Now you tell me…”
None other, than New York traffic.
I’d like to say that I did something else. Like I defeated an army of drakons on my way, or managed to fight off crazed demigods sent by my dad…but no. It was pretty much just traffic the rest of the way there. It was long and arduous, but I managed to make my way over to The Intrepid. After that traffic,I had to say, the amount of crazy drivers was almost San Francisco bad. I’d have taken as many spartoi and boars as dad could throw at me, if it meant I wasn’t drowning in the sea of cars. I drove down Pier 86, feeling a sense of relief as I got closer and closer to the aircraft carrier turned museum. As I got within eyeshot, I realized that dad said to take it to the temple, but not where to drop it off at.
It would be really stupid to end up failing just because I wasn’t sure where to leave dad’s ride. I got off the chariot, and was eyeing the prices of a ticket.
“Adults are thirty-six, Seniors and College Students…thirty four… Oh hey! Children of Ares get in free! Now, how do I wheel dad’s chariot through the front…”
Suddenly the side gate opened, lights flashing and clanging as it automatically retracted. The person standing in the booth waved me over and I hopped back onto the chariot, driving it by cautiously. They were dressed like a security guard, shades covering their eyes as they looked down onto their phone that they were absentmindedly playing with. Eyebrow piercings peeked out from behind the shades. They were tall, looked about early twenties, and seemed like your average bored museum guard, if not for that sorta godly aura I got from them.
“Take the chariot this way, Lord Ares will be at the end of Pier 86. Can’t miss him.”
I eyed the godling suspiciously. They seemed like one of those myriad younger and minor gods I saw when I was on Olympus. Not anyone I’d know, but if they wanted to stop me, it’d be annoying to get past them. They didn’t seem to be that dangerous, at least right now. But when you were a demigod, you learned to be wary of free handouts.
“Uh…look man, I’m going to be honest. I just got through some hellish traffic to get through here. So if like, you’re leading me into a trap or if my godly brothers are going to show up to try and take this, can you just start the fight and save me the trouble? It’s been a long morning, and I just wanna get this over with.”
I stared back at my reflection through their mirrored shades. Growing up, I always thought of myself as gangly and awkward. I could see my messed up hair, tousled from the wind. I stood tall, and although I wasn’t the buffest Ares kid around, you couldn’t call me skinny anymore. I looked almost heroic as I held the reins atop the chariot. Was that how I looked now? The godling shook their head as they chuckled, putting down their phone as they looked at me in the eyes.
“Kid, even for a god like Ares who likes conflict, you don’t do something like that in a temple. You can’t just attack his kid on his own grounds. Plus, it's part of the rules of war to respect neutralized zones. Trust me, you’re home free.”
“Oh. Um, thank you.”
He nodded and went back on his phone. I snapped on the reins and the chariot trotted along, even fire-breathing horses had to follow traffic laws apparently. I was on guard, not taking the godling’s words at face value. Mortals in a daze parted around the chariot, a few snapping pictures at me. I freaked out for a split second before I heard the tourists being in awe at what I heard to be a “vintage bomber”. Dumbfounded, I stopped for a brief second. It didn’t even have wings! But, I could see the mist shimmer around me and for a brief moment, see the silhouette of the plane around the chariot. It was an old fighter, a single propellor with flaming horse art on the nose.
“P-40B Warhawk? Alright, guess we’re working with that.”
I frowned a bit, trying to think if I knew that before this, from a school project or if it was more demigod shenanigans. I was never into fighter jets, but when you’re a demigod sometimes your parent’s godly influence shoves itself into your head and it’s always confusing when it does.
I drove the “plane” to the end of the pier, where I could see my dad sitting down on a barricade, blocking off a massive plane above him. It wasn’t used for war apparently, because I had no clue what type of plane it was. Looked cool though, it was really narrow around the nose end and the wings were all near the back end. He had a big wicked-looking combat knife in his hand that he used to clean his nails. He looked up at me, disinterestedly, before going back down to the knife.
“You’re alive.”
I couldn’t tell from his tone if that was a good or bad thing. It seemed… neutral. Like he was stating the sky was blue. But, overall I’d take that as a good thing, considering our last meeting. I spoke a bit warily, not sure if he was in a good or bad mood considering my victory.
“Uh, so Father. I’m finished with what you-”
“No. You’re not.”
“I’m not!? Do I need to do anything or-”
A moment of panic snuck up into my chest. For a brief moment I was afraid he was going to pull a twelve labors on me, but then he whistled and held out his hand.
“Not until you give me the keys kid, then it’s done.”
I hopped out of the chariot, the reins in my hand turning into keys as the horses went back into their motorcycle form. I somewhat clumsily tossed it to my dad, who grabbed it. He pushed himself off his perch, first making sure his motorcycle was unharmed. Then, he turned to me, eying me up and down as he circled around where I stood. I stood still, at attention as I felt my heart racing in my chest. I felt like a deer, cornered by a wolf just waiting to strike. Yet, the first pang of anxiety soon settled down. If he wanted to take care of me, he would have done so already. Or sent something more dangerous like a Drakon at me when I was driving. I felt my heart leap up into my throat as he clapped a big hand on my shoulder. The gesture wasn’t hostile, if anything, the motion seemed friendly. But his grip was anything but. His hand, like the claws of a tiger dug into my shoulder as he grinned at me.
“I have to say, I thought you were a lost cause, but look at you kid. Took you long enough, but I guess you have enough of me in you after all. Well, a late bloomer is better than being completely useless, but man! You were one of my most pathetic kids when you took that oath. I don’t think I had a kid as wimpy as you in a long time. Well, I’m glad my little nudge helped you keep that oath up after all. It would have been a waste of a perfectly good warrior if you didn’t shape up.”
I looked at him, dumbfounded. He helped me? He didn’t do anything! I wasn’t stupid enough to point it out, but I guess he knew what I was thinking as I felt his grip tighten as he growled.
“Come on, don’t give me that look, kid. Oh, don’t look so surprised. Tip of advice: don’t dip your toes into cards. You have a horrible poker face. Your mom was the same way. But, yes. I helped. Not that kids these days would understand. Parents these days are too soft, including most of us gods. Back in Sparta, we’d leave our kids to fend for themselves. Just give them barely enough food and let them hunt or steal the rest. If they end up dying in the hunt or starved, well that’s fine. They were too weak to do anything of note anyway. You should consider yourself lucky I was generous enough to just turn my back on you.”
He chuckled low, and my blood ran cold as he shook me. I shook my head, fighting off a wave of dizziness as he threatened to take off my arm.
“Oh, but that’s in the past! You passed your agōgē period, all by yourself. Now that is true strength.”
His evil grin widened as he gave me the closest thing to an approved look he’d ever given me. I furrowed my brow as I shook my head. This credit, it wasn’t mine to take, was it? Before I could think, I spoke what was on my mind.
“I’m sorry, but I didn’t do this by myself. Everywhere I went, I had someone to help me out. If it wasn’t for the help from my friends, I don’t think I would be standing here. I didn’t-”
My dad’s good mood instantly soured as his grin warped into a snarl. His grip, although somewhat friendly now seemed dangerously tight as he frustratingly interrupted me.
“Oh for the love of! I’m complimenting you, kid. Look. I don’t care about those other twerps one way or another. Allies are fine enough in war, as long as you don’t make them do all the work. Kid, you’ve gotten strong all on your own, like a true son of mine. Don’t deny you and me the kleos you rightfully deserve ever again. Shut up and just take the honor.”
“I…uh…yes, Dad.”
I was surprised that all it accounted to was a mild scolding. My dad, too seemed to calm down after I agreed with his words, as he went back to a smile. He put his hand back into his pocket as he started to walk up to his chariot. He ran his finger across the chrome finish, taking out a cloth and cleaning off my fingerprints from the metal.
“About your joyride. Not bad, not bad at all. It took you a bit to embrace your birthright, but you ended up not even scratching my ride. Nice. Nice. Saves me the trouble of buffing it out. Now, if you could only stop complaining at everything that opposed you. You’re a man, aren’t you David? Start acting like it. If you think a bag of bones and a pig are hard, just wait until your future. The stronger a warrior gets, the stronger their foes get. Make sure you’re strong enough to stand up against them before you end up a stain on the pavement.”
I heard the engine rev as he got into the seat. He threw a bag at me that I clumsily fumbled with before I fully caught it. I opened it, and a few golden drachmas shined back at me.
“Since your agōgē finished up, consider yourself un-cut off. Even I’m not heartless enough to leave a son of mine stranded in New York. Keep the rest. Feel free to hang around my temple, and help yourself to the gift shop if you want, it’s on the house, happy birthday and all that. Just don’t go overboard.”
He turned the motorcycle, wheeling it around so he could leave the pier. He turned around, giving me a few more parting words he shouted over the roar of the engine.
“Don’t think you’re done yet, David. You got a lot more to grow. Especially now that you can receive my blessings again. What, did you think that taking a good hit was all you can do? You’ll see sooner or later. See ya kid! Don’t disappoint me.”
He revved his engine one more time and took off, leaving me behind on the pier. As I watched my dad leave, I realized that with that resolved, the last of what made my Styx Oath so suffocating was finally finished. A part of me felt that I’d always keep the consequences of it with me. Either dad would continue to disown me, or I’d be horribly injured from my jobs. But, to my surprise, everything worked out alright. I worked as hard as I could, and now everything was over, truly over. I…wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I mean, like obviously I didn’t wanna have them with me for the rest of my life. But, for all of my oath’s lifespan I had the deadline looming overhead, and my expectation was that something would happen to me as a result. I was glad to have it over with, but I never felt that I could relax until now. The feeling of not having the anxiety of my imminent demise was something I wasn’t familiar with, and to be honest I still have trouble relaxing. As he disappeared into the afternoon traffic, I realized that, so too did my previous life.
Maybe…maybe I could afford to enjoy my life now after all.
OOC: And there we have it! The final David storymode relevant to this storyline! I meant to have this yesterday but I didn't see the modmail that gave me the okay until literally an hour ago oop. Which means that yes, the Chariot and Ares both are approved from the mods.
Big thank you to Tiffany's writer, angelspoint for helping me with her parts, I had a blast working with them! Hope you enjoyed David's Victory lap!

I had been posting here for a long time as “roacsonofcarc.” The other night some kind of digital upheaval threw me off my desktop and wiped out my all saved passwords. I talked Reddit into letting me back in, but for some reason my identity changed.
For my first post under this new name, here are some of Tolkien's possible connections to one of my favorite authors: Geoffrey Chaucer.¹ In his The House of Fame, an eagle carries the poet (in a dream) to the palace of the goddess Fame. On first being picked up, Chaucer faints. When he comes to:

And here-withal I gan to stere,/And he me in his fet to bere,/Til that he felte that I had hete,/And felte eke tho myn herte bete./And thoo gan he me to disporte,/And with wordes to comforte,/And sayde twyes, "Seynte Marye!/Thou art noyous for to carye,/And nothyng nedeth it, pardee!/For, also wis God helpe me,/As thou noon harm shalt have of this;/And this caas that betyd the is,/Is for thy lore and for thy prow.

The sense of this, for those who can't deal with Middle English, is that the eagle tells Chaucer not to be such a pain, because nobody is going to hurt him. The cream of it is the adjective “noyous,” which as you might suspect means “annoying.” (One of the things I like about Chaucer is that he makes himself the butt of all his best jokes.) When I reread the poem a few months back, this reminded me of Bilbo being airlifted to the Carrock:

Bilbo opened an eye to peep and saw that the birds were already high up and the world was far away, and the mountains were falling back behind them into the distance. He shut his eyes again and held on tighter.
"Don't pinch!" said his eagle. "You need not be frightened like a rabbit, even if you look rather like one. It is a fair morning with little wind. What is finer than flying?"
Bilbo would have liked to say: "A warm bath and late breakfast on the lawn afterwards;" but he thought it better to say nothing at all, and to let go his clutch just a tiny bit.

Though Bilbo is riding on his eagle's back, while Chaucer is carried in its claws. Next, here is a line from Tolkien's best-known scene of courtship: “And Eowyn looked at Faramir long and steadily; and Faramir said: 'Do not scorn pity that is the gift of a gentle heart, Eowyn!'” I don't think it is a coincidence that Chaucer wrote that “pitee renneth soone in gentil herte”; in fact, he liked the line so much he used it three times – in the “Knight's Tale.” the ”Squire's Tale,” and The Legend of Good Women.
And then there is the lightness of the linden tree.² The first preserved version of the story of Beren and Luthien is a poem that appeared in 1925 in a magazine published by Leeds University (where Tolkien was teaching), under the title “Light as Leaf on Lindentree.” That exact phrase does not appear in LotR, but Aragorn's song at Weathertop includesHe heard there oft the flying sound/Of feet as light as linden-leaves. “ The lightness of linden leaves is also alluded to in Legolas's “Song of Nimrodel": And in the wind she went as light/As leaf of linden-tree.
Tilia cordata is a European species, and I don't know what about its leaves makes them light. But the association is old. It occurs in Chaucer in the “Envoi” to the “Clerk's Tale,” which advises wives to Be ay of chiere as light as leef on lynde, “Be ever in behavior as light as a leaf on a linden tree.” And here is one of the best things in William Langland's Piers Plowman (a poem I mostly find drab compared to Chaucer):

Love is plonte of pees, most precious of vertues/For hevene hold it ne mighte, so heuy hit first semede/Til hit had of erthe ygoten hitsilue./Was never lef uppon lynde lyghtere ther-aftur./As when hit hadde of the folde flesch and blode taken./Tho was it persaunt and portatif as the point of a nelde/May none armure hit let ne none heye walles
Love is plant of peace · most precious of virtues./For Heaven might not hold it · so heavy it seemed/Till it had of the earth · begotten itself./Never was leaf upon linden · lighter thereafter,/As when it had of the field · flesh and blood taken,/Then was it pricking and piercing · as the point of a needle,/That no armour might stay it · nor any high walls.

(Langland is writing about the Incarnation of Christ. Michael Drout's J.R.R. Tolkien Encyclopedia notes both of these, at p. 525.)
Finally, in “The Window on the West,” Faramir says of Boromir's horn:

The shards came severally to shore: one was found among the reeds where watchers of Gondor lay, northwards below the infalls of the Entwash; the other was found spinning on the flood by one who had an errand on the water. Strange chances, but murder will out, ’tis said.

“Murder will out” is one proverb that Tolkien did not make up; it is commonplace in English literature. Chaucer surely didn't invent it either, but this is another phrase that appears three times in the Canterbury Tales. Here it is in the “Nun's Priest's Tale”:

Mordre wol out; that se we day by day./Mordre is so wlatsom [disgusting] and abhomynable/To God, that is so just and resonable,/That he ne wol nat suffre it heled [hidden] be,/Though it abyde a yeer, or two, or thre./Mordre wol out, this my conclusioun.

Tolkien knew the “Nun's Priest's Tale” by heart. In 1938 he dressed as Chaucer and recited it from memory before an Oxford audience. See Letters 32, pp. 39-40, and the Carpenter Biography at p. 214..
1, Sorry if I have posted some of these before. Gandalf too experienced some memory loss while on hiatus.

1. According to the OED, the name of the tree was originally the “lind,” or sometimes the “lime.” “Linden” was originally an adjective, like “dwarven.”

Back in 2017 i had an idea regarding how we could create actual intelligent machines, which ive then been surprised to find isnt how any AI training systems work today, and I thought I'd share either because its a cool idea, or so that someone can explain to me why its not such a cool idea. Here are the step by step basic instructions on how to create sentient machines, which, as the title states, involves evolving it in a powerful evolution simulation:
So you start by creating a detailed physics simulation of an unpopulated Earth, like as detailed as it can possibly be. The simulation is huge, it runs on a massive supercomputer. The details of the simulation are sculpted and scrutinized by a staff of hundreds. This is obviously expensive, but entirely possible.
Populate the simulation with agents. These are just basic actors with the required programming to survive, mate, etc. We create animals like this, as well as artificial humans within the simulation who have various health stats, and can hunt, but also die or reprodice with one another to maintain their population. So it's a physics simulation, and an ecology simulation, but while the agent's reprogramming is as sophisticated as we can afford to make it, it's not AI in the modern sense. Basically just a video game NPC programmed to react in various ways to corresponding triggers.
Here's where things are different from a typical evolution simulator. Typically when I've seen an evolution simulator, there is a predetermined list of traits that randomize in some way to allow a creature to adapt to its environment (I.E., the fox and the bunny can be born with a physical trait such as a speed variable which is passed down from its parents and then randomly adds or subtracts a certain number). The method here is a little different. Within the simulation, there are the agents, whose physical attributes remain unaltered throughout the simulation. Each agent has an isolated "mind", meaning all of the agent's behavioural programming is seperate from the programming of the rest of the simulation. Within this mind, there are actual mutations in the form of randomly inserted letters, numbers, and/or words whenever an agent is "born". Often, this may do nothing. Often, it may be harmful to the agent. But once in a blue moon, a mutation will occur in the agent's programming which improves its "intelligence", and thus its chances of survival, and its reproductive capacity. This is evolution in a way that more closely mimics our own evolution, other than the fact that it is only the mind of the agent that evolves and not the body.
Now the process of inducing beneficial mutations is not so straightforward, and the methods can be diverse. For example, perhaps instead of totally random numbers and letters, we randomly insert words or strings of words from a dictionary, with the appearance of words that exist within the particular coding language being far more like to appear. This also brings up the question of which language to use? Perhaps if we are serious about AGI then we should build some language purposely from the ground up? In what ways could this increase the likelihood of positive mutations? Also then, aside from just increasing the likelihood of positive mutations, how do we decrease the likelihood of negative or benign mutations? Perhaps our method is that each agent's "birth" should see a mutation per every so many lines of code, but as each mutation is inserted, it is checked in some way to see if it breaks the code (this is far more likely than not, of course), and if it does then the program cancels the mutation and tries again until it doesnt break the code. Perhaps when agents pass on behavioural programming to their offspring, it includes some kind of memory of harmful mutations. Perhaps it may be useful to have 2 genders so offspring can have more "genetic diversity", as well as to further simulate conditions similar to our own. I can think of lot of methods and tricks to experiment with, but you get the idea. I think the only way to know which assortment of methods is most efficient would be by trying each and every one, and of course pioneering new methods.
Now simply speed up the simulation. Let's pretend for a moment that we have nearly unlimited computing power, because it's possible that soon enough we will. In a flash, we have evolved intelligence within this simulation. I believe that the degree to which this intelligence will be similar to us will be largely proportional to the accuracy of the simulation. The more we can create conditions similar to our own evolution, the more likely it is to evolve into what we have evolved to recognize as sentient intelligence. I predict that with enough accuracy, this method could give rise to such complex behaviours as appreciation of art, culture, tradition, and possibly even religion, as i believe these behaviors came about due to the survival advantage they provided to their respective social groups.
Because the body of the agent does not evolve over time, we could actually build a physical robot body and inhabit it with the "consciousness" of an agent extracted from the simulation. I believe that this kind of machine intelligence is actually very much alive and conscuous in the same degree as human beings, even though certainly consciousness remains very mysterious to us. This is a creature that evolved, like we did. It has a history, and ancestors, and was molded by an environment similar enough to ours that it might fit within our narrow definition of intelligence. Perhaps it likes music and art, and feels good when it's seen as useful and respected by its community, but feels bad when it does wrong or offends its social group. To wonder if such a creature truly experiences the universe in the conscious sense like I do sounds perfectly valid to me, but then i must also think such thoughts about my neighbor, whose true consciousness i also have no proof of.
Ill conclude with a few thoughts on the wider implications of this kind of intelligence, and what its existence could mean for us, if indeed it is alive. this intelligent machine is not here to replace someone at their job. why invent a sentient robot just for it to perform a task that a non-sentient robot could be much more satisfied with. this robot will replace us though, as a species. not because it will wipe us out, but because it is simply more robust. a race of intelligent machines could colonize the stars without any need to terraform a planet. if they did decide to terraform a planet, an individual robot could live long enough to see the fruits of all its labor by actually getting to live on the planet it terraformed. they are smarter and stronger. they could survive the vaccum of outer space. in fact, it seems to me that the obvious advantages for any species of developing artificial intelligence, as well as the potential robustness of the mechanical creature, could be viewed as evidence that our search for alien life should be predominantly focused on a search for mechanical life. for the ones that come from earth, well when they spread across the universe, theyll take our culture with them, everything from shakespeare to Peanuts cartoons. And of course i do not know this... but i even believe they would likely cherish us, and wish the best for us like an aging parent. maybe even care for us. A child of the human race.
I know this last bit seems fantastical, but I think these are not ridiculous considerations to make regarding what I see as the very possible reality of evolving consciousness in a computer simulation.

Hello,
I said in a previous post that Anna did not like her life as a princess, and I am going to explain my reasoning why. Also, warning, I ended up also talking about how Anna and Kristoff match.
First, is because of the established world that Frozen is set in. Arendelle is meant to be taken very realistically. It makes itself out more like a real life kingdom, rather then a fairytale one. And because of this, the rules of being royal and what is expected of a princess or queen is very well established.
Royalty is meant to act perfect, and to be the leaders, whose main job is to host balls, look good, and sign documents. They are not allowed to show their flaws and they are not meant to mingle with common folk. Anna is none of these. She is clumsy and ungraceful, and does not eat properly, and she just wants to have fun with people. She does not know how to act with other people, especially when it comes to customs. She almost missed Elsa's coronation and did not even know where to stand when she was introduced.
A lot of people love Anna as the clumsy princess, but you need to understand, that in the world of Frozen, Anna is a laughing stock.
Then there is the deleted plotline of the Heir and the Spare, with the song "More then Just the Spare". Now this song and plotline was dropped, but the song has been stated by the creators to be what helped establish Anna's character, and they even perform it on tour, while the plotline might have been canceled, it is still very much shown in the movie just not fully delved into.
When it comes to the plotline the Heir and the Spare, it was all about how Elsa was the perfect heir, and Anna was the useless spare. This was all about how Arendelle viewed the two sisters, and how that view changed as they grew to understand them. Elsa was not the perfect heir as they perceived. She was scared and flawed, who also liked to play and did not want to always be perfect. She was human just like everyone else, and Arendelle realized this and embraced her in the end, excepting her even if she was not their ideal perfect queen. And as for Anna, they viewed her as the screw up princess and just ignored her. But at the end, they realized she was not useless, and was the one who saved them in the end, giving them a new found respect for her.
At the end of Frozen, Arendelle had loosened itself up when it came to their strict view of royalty. Elsa was more allowed to be herself and interact with her people more. however, just because Arendelle is no longer strict, does not mean that royalty is not still held to a high standard, and other kingdoms also have not changed, and Arendelle has obviously been shown to have relationships with many other kingdoms.
The thing is, Anna does not even try to act like a princess.
The shorts and film have never shown her really in a position of authority. The closest is when she runs after Elsa and leaves Hans in charge.
Now, Anna might have the education of royalty, but that does not mean she likes it or is even that good at it.
Anna has never been shown to like the life of a princess. She might like a few of its privileges, but not the costumes and other things.
For instance, Anna likes picnics and not tea parties. And she would rather ride her horse all day instead of talking with nobles. I also don't think she likes balls either. The fancy ones with nobility.
In Frozen 1, when Elsa is coronated, I already pointed out how Anna did not know how to act or even where to stand. The moment she started to hang out with Hans, she pulled him into doing a bunch of activities that had nothing to do with the ball, or even would be acceptable of royalty.
The only thing I can see Anna liking about balls is all the dancing. But like Kristoff, Anna would not like all the customs and fancy talk. She herself does not do any fancy talk. The difference from Kristoff though, is that Anna at least has been trained in the customs.
What Anna likes is actually festivals, because festivals involves the commoners and not the nobility. She wants to go out on the streets and help bake pies, or help catch a pig, and to set up all the ribbons, and then to run around all night trying food and dancing on the streets and having fun with her people and loved ones. Kristoff also has been shown to like festivals as well. At the beginning of Frozen 1 we see him happily celebrating Elsa's coronation with the rest of the citizens, and he enjoyed himself in FF and OFA.
I also will mention that FF and OFA, are both festivals, and not balls. They are parties that involve the people of Arendelle and not anything about the politics.
Anna is just not cut out for the royal life style, and she is so bad at it that she does not even try to act royal most of the time, but at the end of the day, she is still a princess. In "More then Just the Spare", Anna comments that she is the screw up princess and also says this "I am not part of the town, not born to be queen, just somebody hopelessly in between". Anna might be a hopeless princess, but she is still a princess, so she was not able to connect with her citizens either, because she was still royalty to them.
Here is also another sad thing. No one wanted to marry Anna either. Hans says that no one got anywhere with Elsa and that is why he approached Anna instead. This means that despite the isolation Elsa was still receiving marriage proposals, but not Anna. Anna was convinced that her only chance for love was on coronation day.
Someone mentioned that if Anna hated being a princess so much, why did she not leave when her parents died? Because she was only 15 and had been locked up all her life. The castle is all Anna knows, and she has run around doing what ever she wants in it for 13 years. Anna honestly can't think of a life outside of the castle, she just wants company. That is why she asks Hans if they will live in Arendelle, because she is scared to go anywhere else. Anna is shown to have been severely neglected growing up. Not celebrating her birthday, and not even having Christmas at all. Not to mention, as a 15 year old, where would she even go? Frozen never established aunts or uncles for her to live with, and even if she went to live with family they also would expect her to act like a proper lady. And if she gave up her life as a royal and became a commoner, then what? She would be on the streets with no home or job at 15.
This is one of the reasons why she ends up with Kristoff. If she married someone royal or noble, she once more would be expected to act right. To change who she is to fit in with the customs. But because she was royal, no commoner would ever dare approach her. But when it came to Kristoff, he did not care that she was royal. From the first moment they met, Kristoff treated her like any other person. He did not call her 'your highness" or anything like that, and he even made his own stance on things instead of just following her. She was a person to him, and not an untouchably princess.
Another person said that Kristoff got lucky in having Anna fall in love with him. Like the weird child somehow ending up with the pretty girl at school, and how Kristoff would do anything to stay with Anna. But the truth is, Anna is not the pretty girl. Frozen had established that she was in fact, undesirable. No one wanted her. Both Anna and Kristoff had not chance in romance with other people. Kristoff because he was raised by trolls, and Anna because she was a screw up princess.
Here is an interesting fact. I was told that the ending of Frozen 1 has Anna in a commoner dress to signal that she has in fact giving up her position in line to the throne in order to be with Kristoff. This is also why her OFA dress is also a commoner dress. Although, this idea obviously has been dropped, and Disney would want to keep calling her princess either way.
Now, to give more perspective in what I am trying to say, I will give a comparison to another amazing Disney animated film.
Mulan
In Mulan, Mulan grows up in an era that is very strict, especially with woman. Mulan is expected to be graceful and a perfect wife, who does not over step her bounds. But Mulan is none of those things. She is clumsy when it came to making tea and acting proper, and takes puts out her own thoughts instead of just agreeing. And this at the beginning of the film, is considered disgraceful. Mulan is ashamed that she failed to prove herself as a good future wife, and she has in fact brought dishonor to her family. She joins the army to save her father, but also to prove herself in a way. There she realizes that she also does not fit in as a man, and instead has to learn her own strengths in order to be a solder.
At the end, Mulan has new confidence in herself and goes home, and people even respect her for what she has done.
But here is the thing. The world Mulan lives in has not changed. Girls are still going to be raised to be wives, with mean being the ones to risk their lives at war, and Mulan herself will probably still be expected to become a proper wife as well, and she definitely has not suddenly become graceful or learned to stay silent. Mulan's story ends well because she ends up with Shang, who fell in love with her as a fellow solder, and not as a perfect wife, and because of that he would not want her to change into the ideal wife in his country, and he would treat her as an equal, because that was what she was in war.
This is very similar to Anna. Both Anna and Mulan were not fit in their positions in life and did not meet the expectations and standards as well in their countries. In the end, what mattered most to Mulan was her father's safety and brining honor to her family, while all Anna wanted was to unite with Elsa and protect her as well. And then both Anna and Mulan ends up with a guy that better matches their life style, so they are not forced to change to met societies expectations.
Now, does this mean Mulan disliked her life before she went to war?
No, she was just not cut out for it and she knew it. She had to find her own way in life that did not force her to follow societies standards.
The same can be applied to Anna. The castle is her home. She grew up in it and it is where her beloved sister lives. But just because she loves it, does not mean she belongs in it, and Anna knows this. This is why she chose Kristoff, instead of possibly finding another prince. The castle gates are open now. Anna has every opportunity to find anyone to marry now.
Now, what does this mean for Anna's relationship with Elsa?
Anna and Elsa are almost complete opposites. Elsa likes tea parties, Anna likes picnics. Elsa is graceful, Anna is clumsy. Elsa is royal, Anna is common.
The two of them love each other and learned to compromise. Elsa learned to loosen up and to have fun with Anna. While Anna does her best to support Elsa as queen.
Now, I have not read the comics and books that came after Frozen 1, so I do not know the full details of how Anna helps Elsa. I have read two comics though, which is "Restless Week", and the one where Elsa learns to dance. In both, Anna helps Elsa more from the shadows. She researches about a kingdom to help Elsa write a speech that she will say in front of diplomates, and she helps teach Elsa how to dance, so she can dance with visiting princes. These kinds of act of helping does not require Anna to be a princess at all.
Anna only ever wants to help, but she cannot help as a princess because she is awful at it. But right now, all Anna is able to do is help Elsa from behind. I think Anna would want an official position that she takes care of to help Elsa, instead of just being on stand by for when ever Elsa calls her for help. But what that job is and how it can help Elsa as queen, while still staying true to Anna's character, I do not know what it could be.
Now, when it comes to what I said in the Frozen 2 rewrite. With the idea of Anna being tempted to leave palace life when she finds out that Kristoff hates it.
The key word is "Tempted". Anna might not be fit as a princess, but at the end of the day, she still is one, and she would never abandon her people, and especially Elsa. Anna just needs to figure out what she can do. But like I said, I don't know what that is. But all Anna wants to do in life is help.
The ending idea of Anna being queen while rebuilding Arendelle, was not to say Anna is fit for royal life or would make a great queen. The ending idea is actually the hardest part of Anna's life. She lost her home and her sister, and now she has to act like a queen. But she forces herself to do it, because it is the right thing to do. She is not happy, and the only reason she keeps going is with the hope that Elsa will return. The same can be applied to Kristoff. Helping and staying with Anna even if he hates royal life, so that he can help her through this difficult time.
I did see one panel of a comic where Anna had apparently acted as queen in Elsa's place as Elsa was somewhere else. She comments that she managed to do it, but it is not her and she would never want to be queen.
And the ending of my rewrite also would help Anna find her place. Because Arendelle is destroyed, the kingdom has to be completely rebuilt, both in housing and in customs. They don't have the money to act like royalty right now. And of course, the integration of Northuldra, who are a wild people who are definitely not interested in proper manners and balls. So Arendelle has changed in some ways.
Anna and Elsa would represent both cultures. Elsa's queenliness representing Arendelle, and her magic being from Northuldra. While Anna is more like a Northuldra, but because she was queen for a while, gained respect from Arendelle.
Anna would work with the Northuldra and helping them with their life in Arendelle, with Kristoff helping her. And Elsa handles Arendelle. The two sisters work together and create a happy kingdom with all kinds of people and customs.
Although, I don't actually like this ending. I know I wrote it, but the truth is Frozen 2 was so bad that I don't really like anything inspired or similar to it.
So that is why I don't think Anna likes her life as a princess. She is simply not cut out for it and she knows it. In fact, in the deleted scene of Frozen 2, where Kristoff admits he dislikes his life in Arendelle, and started listing off all his dislikes, more then half of them I could see Anna disliking as well. Fancy dinner parties for one thing. Anna would definitely not use the right fork, or eat ungracefully, and she would absolutely be to chatty and just trying to have fun. Once again, not acting like a princess. Actually lets go ahead and go through the list.

1. Fancy shoes and regel jackets. Anna does like pretty dresses as long as her movement is not restricted, and she prefers flat shoes instead of high heals. But at the end of the day, she prefers to wear commoner clothing.
   
2. Don't like ceremonies or polite conversations. I don't think Anna dislikes ceremonies, although I can see her getting bored if it goes on to long. As for polite conversations, that is when you take the time to both listen and talk in a conversation, so no one is dominating the conversation and being the only one talking. Frozen already showed Kristoff doing this, so I feel like this is a retcon of his character.
   
3. Formal dinners. I already answered this one. Anna is definitely going to make a mistake.
   
4. Ballroom dancing. She absolutely loves to dance! I do wonder if Kristoff likes other dances though? Like village dancing and he just hates the uptight ballroom dancing.
   
5. Manners for the sake of manners. I don't really understand this one. Anna obviously has manners, but when it comes to her manners as a princess, she is lacking.
   
6. Big crowds. I don't think Anna has a problem like this. Although I would argue she likes to just be with her loved ones much more.
   
7. Rules of Order. Once again I am conflicted as I don't really understand what this is. Kristoff is a business man so he should already be using this, sort of. I think it is just at a to high level in the castle, and I would see Anna also struggling. Maybe, like I said, I don't exactly know what this is, and a quick search did not really help. The biggest problem is that we have never seen Anna in a political debate, so it is all just guessing.
   

Well, that is it.