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wine: red or white, the stuff you drink
2008.04.10 06:45 wine: red or white, the stuff you drink
A place to share all the latest happenings in the world of wine. The beverage, not the software.
2008.12.28 07:46 Today I Learned (TIL)
You learn something new every day; what did you learn today? Submit interesting and specific facts about something that you just found out here.
2011.07.28 17:21 bossgalaga Explain Like I'm Five Don't Panic!
Explain Like I'm Five is the best forum and archive on the internet for layperson-friendly explanations. Don't Panic!
2024.05.03 04:52 For-a-better-future Wake up, Australia! It’s time to walk the talk!
One quote that has stuck with me for the last 40 years, and inspired my life and my professional career, is FD Roosevelt’s address to the students at Pennsylvania University, in September 1940: “We cannot always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future.”
Don’t know about you, but I cannot remember myself listening to a news bulletin that did not start with a crime or tragedy of some sort. Crimes and tragedies have become the main headlines in all forms of media, as the prime selling point, surpassing celebrity gossip and conspiracy theories. Shootings, stabbings, robberies, rapes, youth offending, tragedies caused by domestic and family violence have slowly become the new “normal”, as it sells, it attracts readers, viewers, online traffic. You drive your kid to school in the morning and you have to turn your car radio off so your seven-year-old does not have to listen to the morning news and ask you “Daddy, what does ‘home invasion’ mean?” or “Mum, what if someone comes and stabs you, who will take me to school?”. And I ask myself … is this how we build our youth for the future?
Every day, we read, watch, and hear a lot about “what is wrong” in our society, but very little that is meaningful and actionable about “how are we going to address it”. People from all walks of life are outraged about tragedies, public opprobrium is expressed all over media, and … nothing happens, everything fizzles out until next tragedy occurs and the cycle starts again. And again. And again. In between, everyone seems to be beating around the bush when it comes to the real causes behind these tragic stories and realities, with very few having the courage to call a spade a spade and trigger a real social (and political) wave of reform. On paper, billions of budget dollars are allocated each year towards enacting and enforcing robust legislative provisions, effective public service and “evidence-based, best practice frameworks” for pretty much everything. But, in reality, these considerable sums are wasted on chopping, changing and repainting programs and service delivery strategies/initiatives due to financial constraints, qualified staff shortages and fear of backlash from voters. Because politicians know very well that the naked truth never attracts votes to get you elected.
The reality is simple: pathological factors excluded, in the absence of forceful control and coercion, ~our needs and wants are the main drivers~ of our behaviours and actions. Whatever we do, we do it to meet our needs and satisfy our wants. And how we choose to do it, is determined by the values, attitudes, morals, and ethics we are raised with, adhere to, and live our lives by. Hundreds of scholars have written thousands (if not millions) of pages identifying the factors contributing to deviant behaviour in all its forms, including perpetration of domestic and family violence, youth offending, child abuse and neglect, etc. Thousands (if not millions) of pages written using fancy, esoteric words and sentences, elaborate bodies of research, dissertations and conclusions formulated in an elitist manner, very difficult to understand by the masses who actually need that information, addressed to a governing ‘elite’ meant to decide what is best for us. But what do we do when that governing ‘elite’ is unable (and/or unwilling) to consider and implement the findings and recommendations of these academic works? Because, amidst the flood of complex terminology and grandiose words included in these papers lies a simple truth: ~who we are, the attitudes we display, how we choose to behave, are EXCLUSIVELY driven by our values system~. Communities, society as a whole, need to acknowledge that every life lost to domestic and family violence, every abused child who ends up in care, every young offender who gets arrested, are the outcome of perpetual societal indolence, prejudices and failures in educating our young generations.
Tragic incidences of ~domestic and family violence~ are not new. People have been harmed by a current or former partner for centuries, and the reasons behind this tragic social epidemic are relatively simple. On one hand, an ingrained sense of entitlement, of ownership, stemming from principles and beliefs ingrained in humans since before the start of time (e.g., “the man is the ‘head’ of the house/family”, “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse (…) till death do us part”, “men are strong, men are bread winners, women are weaker, stay in the kitchen, raise the children, keep the house and do what they are told”, etc.). On the other hand, a noxious interpretation of the concepts of “marriage” and “relationship”, which completely dismisses the notion of equality between the two partners. Since times immemorial, the man was the one who had the power and control in the relationship, while the woman’s role was to agree, obey and support the man. This status quo was (and unfortunately still is, in many families) transmitted from generation to generation.
Police and the Courts will always have very limited ability to prevent the perpetration of domestic and family violence, no matter what legislative provision are put in place. In Queensland alone, during the financial year 2022/2023, there were 39,182 breaches of Domestic Violence Orders (DVOs), and this current financial year to 31 March 2024 has already recorded 30,093 DVO breaches. Only imagine adding 30,000+ people to an already overpopulated prison system, which houses about 10,000 prisoners in any given day! It is obvious the current campaigns have very limited positive impact in reducing the incidence of domestic and family violence in our communities. The only realistic prospect of eradicating this plague and putting an end to tragedies caused by domestic and family violence is a conjugated effort of government and community organisations to raise awareness and provide education programs, from early childhood to university levels. By delivering age-appropriate education programs, we will teach our children from an early age respect, what is right and what is wrong and, gradually, as they develop through adulthood, support them develop secure attachments and empower them to develop healthy intimate relationships.
~Youth offending~ is not a new social issue, either. But is one thing to pinch a bag of lollies, a box of cookies, or a pack of biscuits, and a totally different issue when this offending escalates to breaking and entering, stealing cars, dangerous driving, and violent offences with tragic consequences.
Why do children and young people offend? Without going into too much detail here, the primary reason is the inadequate parental supervision, guidance, and support. While the majority of adults raise their children in loving, nurturing environments, there are still plenty of people who have children, but shouldn’t. Either because they decided to have children for the wrong reasons (generally as a means of income) or because they are unable or unwilling (or both) to actually play an active parental role in their children’s lives.
I am sure you all recall hearing this comment and laughing at it, but it is a paradoxical truth: most jobs/roles, require some certificate or licence to confirm a minimum of suitability for the position, in terms of knowledge, skills and suitability. You need a driver’s licence to drive a car, some jobs require first aid/CPR certification, a ‘blue card’ is needed to work with children, a ‘yellow card’ to work in the disability field, etc. Yet, anybody fertile can have a child (or three, or five)! They are not required to provide any proof of fitness, competence, willingness and means to raise that child/ren! To provide them with a loving and nurturing family environment, with the affection, education, guidance and support they need to grow into responsible adults and develop positive, pro-social attitudes and behaviours.
Our primary and secondary school systems, at present, do very little (if anything) to meet the children and adolescents’ education, support and life skills needs as they grow up. Life is more than just English, Mathematics, Chemistry, Biology, Physics, or History. Our children need to learn and witness respect, empathy, relationships, communication and social interaction skills, to help them develop into responsible adults and achieve their maximum potential.
In order to solve the problem of ~youth offending~ (and a lot of ~child protection~ issues) is getting people to understand that ~having children is not a right, but a responsibility~! Children have no say, they cannot choose their parents, their family, the house, or the country they are born in. It is their parents’ responsibility (before even considering having children) to ensure they have the means, the knowledge, the skills, and the resources to raise their children, to keep them safe, to love and nurture them, to meet their needs adequately and in a timely manner and to support their learning and development as they transition into adulthood. Without the close parental love, education, guidance, and support, most of these neglected, traumatised children grow up and they require to have their needs met. Having no one there to care for them and support them, these children grow into teenagers/adolescents who will start meeting their needs on their own, in whatever way they can. Which – most of the time – involves engaging in offending behaviours, sometimes using violence, with tragic consequences.
According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW, 31 March 2023), in the year 2021/2022, the number of young people under any Youth Justice supervision type in Queensland, on an average day, was 1,624.0, out of which 277.2 were in detention (Source: https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/youth-justice/youth-justice-in-australia-2021-22/contents/state-and-territory-fact-sheets/queensland).
In terms of children in care, according to the last figures published by the Department of Child Safety, Seniors and Disability Services (DCSSDS), in Queensland, on 30 September 2023 there were 10,631 children and young people under child protection orders granting the guardianship or custody to DCSSDS. Out of these 10,631 children and young people, 1,676 were placed in residential care services (Source: https://performance.cyjma.qld.gov.au/).
Statistical evidence shows that, once young people start engaging in offending behaviours, the recidivism rates are significant and worrying. Reports published over the last five years [see the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (2023), the Youth Justice Reforms Review (‘Atkinson’s Report’, 2022), the Queensland Government Statistician’s Office (2021)] identify that the rates for youth recidivism are very concerning. For example, of the young people aged 10–17 who were under sentenced youth justice supervision across Australia at some time between 2000–01 and 2021–22, 41% returned to sentenced supervision before turning 18. Moreover, of the young people aged 10–16 in 2020–21 and released from sentenced community-based supervision, 40% returned to sentenced supervision within 6 months, and 57% within 12 months, while of those released from sentenced detention, 66% returned within 6 months, and 85% within 12 months. In Queensland, the proportion of young people offending on bail had increased from 47% in 2019 to 53% in 2021, and for the same period, the proportion of serious offending while on bail increased from 14% to 19%. During the same period, the number and proportion of young people on bail who committed a further offence that led to serious harm or death, increased from 60 (5% of all youth on bail) in 2019 to 78 (7% of all youth on bail) in 2021.
Moreover, the Queensland Youth Justice Census 2022 identified that, of the young people who were held in custody in a youth detention centre or watchhouse:
There is more to discuss and analyse about the contributing factors and socio-economic aspects that need to be addressed (and some of them completely overhauled), and we will hopefully do that in future posts, as we come to the table to lay the foundation of a “social awakening” movement. A group of professionals bringing together the government and non-government organisations with the sole aim of truly empowering our communities through raising awareness and education. The time for ‘band-aids’ is long gone. As more and more voices call it, we have “epidemics” in our society, of domestic violence, of children being harmed, of youth offending, that claim innocent lives almost every day. It is long overdue to actually admit that our society needs a concentrated effort of education and re-education in terms of ~values, attitudes and behaviours~. From childcare centres and prep year to pensioners and aged care facilities, we need to realign society’s beliefs, attitudes, and behaviours into one, pro-social, values system. One that promotes empathy, secure attachments and respectful relationships and teaches our children and adolescents that crime and violence of any kind do not and should not have a place in our society.
Police, Child protection, Youth Justice, the Courts, all these are reactive systems! We need to get proactive and start working towards avoiding tragedies, rather the responding to them. There is a lot of talk now about prevention and early intervention, but even before that, we need EDUCATION programs!!! This is an appeal to all of you, scholars, teachers, community services practitioners, politicians: enough with talking the talk! It is time to move beyond rhetoric and political agendas and step into action. The tragic reality of the last 15-20 years (wagging tongues are wondering if we are now reaping now the fruits of the “baby bonus initiative” introduced by the Australian federal government in 2004) shows us that we’ve been struggling to build that bright future our youth deserve, let’s put all our efforts towards building our youth (and their parents) for the future!
submitted by For-a-better-future to australian [link] [comments]
Don’t know about you, but I cannot remember myself listening to a news bulletin that did not start with a crime or tragedy of some sort. Crimes and tragedies have become the main headlines in all forms of media, as the prime selling point, surpassing celebrity gossip and conspiracy theories. Shootings, stabbings, robberies, rapes, youth offending, tragedies caused by domestic and family violence have slowly become the new “normal”, as it sells, it attracts readers, viewers, online traffic. You drive your kid to school in the morning and you have to turn your car radio off so your seven-year-old does not have to listen to the morning news and ask you “Daddy, what does ‘home invasion’ mean?” or “Mum, what if someone comes and stabs you, who will take me to school?”. And I ask myself … is this how we build our youth for the future?
Every day, we read, watch, and hear a lot about “what is wrong” in our society, but very little that is meaningful and actionable about “how are we going to address it”. People from all walks of life are outraged about tragedies, public opprobrium is expressed all over media, and … nothing happens, everything fizzles out until next tragedy occurs and the cycle starts again. And again. And again. In between, everyone seems to be beating around the bush when it comes to the real causes behind these tragic stories and realities, with very few having the courage to call a spade a spade and trigger a real social (and political) wave of reform. On paper, billions of budget dollars are allocated each year towards enacting and enforcing robust legislative provisions, effective public service and “evidence-based, best practice frameworks” for pretty much everything. But, in reality, these considerable sums are wasted on chopping, changing and repainting programs and service delivery strategies/initiatives due to financial constraints, qualified staff shortages and fear of backlash from voters. Because politicians know very well that the naked truth never attracts votes to get you elected.
The reality is simple: pathological factors excluded, in the absence of forceful control and coercion, ~our needs and wants are the main drivers~ of our behaviours and actions. Whatever we do, we do it to meet our needs and satisfy our wants. And how we choose to do it, is determined by the values, attitudes, morals, and ethics we are raised with, adhere to, and live our lives by. Hundreds of scholars have written thousands (if not millions) of pages identifying the factors contributing to deviant behaviour in all its forms, including perpetration of domestic and family violence, youth offending, child abuse and neglect, etc. Thousands (if not millions) of pages written using fancy, esoteric words and sentences, elaborate bodies of research, dissertations and conclusions formulated in an elitist manner, very difficult to understand by the masses who actually need that information, addressed to a governing ‘elite’ meant to decide what is best for us. But what do we do when that governing ‘elite’ is unable (and/or unwilling) to consider and implement the findings and recommendations of these academic works? Because, amidst the flood of complex terminology and grandiose words included in these papers lies a simple truth: ~who we are, the attitudes we display, how we choose to behave, are EXCLUSIVELY driven by our values system~. Communities, society as a whole, need to acknowledge that every life lost to domestic and family violence, every abused child who ends up in care, every young offender who gets arrested, are the outcome of perpetual societal indolence, prejudices and failures in educating our young generations.
Tragic incidences of ~domestic and family violence~ are not new. People have been harmed by a current or former partner for centuries, and the reasons behind this tragic social epidemic are relatively simple. On one hand, an ingrained sense of entitlement, of ownership, stemming from principles and beliefs ingrained in humans since before the start of time (e.g., “the man is the ‘head’ of the house/family”, “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse (…) till death do us part”, “men are strong, men are bread winners, women are weaker, stay in the kitchen, raise the children, keep the house and do what they are told”, etc.). On the other hand, a noxious interpretation of the concepts of “marriage” and “relationship”, which completely dismisses the notion of equality between the two partners. Since times immemorial, the man was the one who had the power and control in the relationship, while the woman’s role was to agree, obey and support the man. This status quo was (and unfortunately still is, in many families) transmitted from generation to generation.
Police and the Courts will always have very limited ability to prevent the perpetration of domestic and family violence, no matter what legislative provision are put in place. In Queensland alone, during the financial year 2022/2023, there were 39,182 breaches of Domestic Violence Orders (DVOs), and this current financial year to 31 March 2024 has already recorded 30,093 DVO breaches. Only imagine adding 30,000+ people to an already overpopulated prison system, which houses about 10,000 prisoners in any given day! It is obvious the current campaigns have very limited positive impact in reducing the incidence of domestic and family violence in our communities. The only realistic prospect of eradicating this plague and putting an end to tragedies caused by domestic and family violence is a conjugated effort of government and community organisations to raise awareness and provide education programs, from early childhood to university levels. By delivering age-appropriate education programs, we will teach our children from an early age respect, what is right and what is wrong and, gradually, as they develop through adulthood, support them develop secure attachments and empower them to develop healthy intimate relationships.
~Youth offending~ is not a new social issue, either. But is one thing to pinch a bag of lollies, a box of cookies, or a pack of biscuits, and a totally different issue when this offending escalates to breaking and entering, stealing cars, dangerous driving, and violent offences with tragic consequences.
Why do children and young people offend? Without going into too much detail here, the primary reason is the inadequate parental supervision, guidance, and support. While the majority of adults raise their children in loving, nurturing environments, there are still plenty of people who have children, but shouldn’t. Either because they decided to have children for the wrong reasons (generally as a means of income) or because they are unable or unwilling (or both) to actually play an active parental role in their children’s lives.
I am sure you all recall hearing this comment and laughing at it, but it is a paradoxical truth: most jobs/roles, require some certificate or licence to confirm a minimum of suitability for the position, in terms of knowledge, skills and suitability. You need a driver’s licence to drive a car, some jobs require first aid/CPR certification, a ‘blue card’ is needed to work with children, a ‘yellow card’ to work in the disability field, etc. Yet, anybody fertile can have a child (or three, or five)! They are not required to provide any proof of fitness, competence, willingness and means to raise that child/ren! To provide them with a loving and nurturing family environment, with the affection, education, guidance and support they need to grow into responsible adults and develop positive, pro-social attitudes and behaviours.
Our primary and secondary school systems, at present, do very little (if anything) to meet the children and adolescents’ education, support and life skills needs as they grow up. Life is more than just English, Mathematics, Chemistry, Biology, Physics, or History. Our children need to learn and witness respect, empathy, relationships, communication and social interaction skills, to help them develop into responsible adults and achieve their maximum potential.
In order to solve the problem of ~youth offending~ (and a lot of ~child protection~ issues) is getting people to understand that ~having children is not a right, but a responsibility~! Children have no say, they cannot choose their parents, their family, the house, or the country they are born in. It is their parents’ responsibility (before even considering having children) to ensure they have the means, the knowledge, the skills, and the resources to raise their children, to keep them safe, to love and nurture them, to meet their needs adequately and in a timely manner and to support their learning and development as they transition into adulthood. Without the close parental love, education, guidance, and support, most of these neglected, traumatised children grow up and they require to have their needs met. Having no one there to care for them and support them, these children grow into teenagers/adolescents who will start meeting their needs on their own, in whatever way they can. Which – most of the time – involves engaging in offending behaviours, sometimes using violence, with tragic consequences.
According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW, 31 March 2023), in the year 2021/2022, the number of young people under any Youth Justice supervision type in Queensland, on an average day, was 1,624.0, out of which 277.2 were in detention (Source: https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/youth-justice/youth-justice-in-australia-2021-22/contents/state-and-territory-fact-sheets/queensland).
In terms of children in care, according to the last figures published by the Department of Child Safety, Seniors and Disability Services (DCSSDS), in Queensland, on 30 September 2023 there were 10,631 children and young people under child protection orders granting the guardianship or custody to DCSSDS. Out of these 10,631 children and young people, 1,676 were placed in residential care services (Source: https://performance.cyjma.qld.gov.au/).
Statistical evidence shows that, once young people start engaging in offending behaviours, the recidivism rates are significant and worrying. Reports published over the last five years [see the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (2023), the Youth Justice Reforms Review (‘Atkinson’s Report’, 2022), the Queensland Government Statistician’s Office (2021)] identify that the rates for youth recidivism are very concerning. For example, of the young people aged 10–17 who were under sentenced youth justice supervision across Australia at some time between 2000–01 and 2021–22, 41% returned to sentenced supervision before turning 18. Moreover, of the young people aged 10–16 in 2020–21 and released from sentenced community-based supervision, 40% returned to sentenced supervision within 6 months, and 57% within 12 months, while of those released from sentenced detention, 66% returned within 6 months, and 85% within 12 months. In Queensland, the proportion of young people offending on bail had increased from 47% in 2019 to 53% in 2021, and for the same period, the proportion of serious offending while on bail increased from 14% to 19%. During the same period, the number and proportion of young people on bail who committed a further offence that led to serious harm or death, increased from 60 (5% of all youth on bail) in 2019 to 78 (7% of all youth on bail) in 2021.
Moreover, the Queensland Youth Justice Census 2022 identified that, of the young people who were held in custody in a youth detention centre or watchhouse:
- 28 % of children had an active child protection order,
- 39 % of children were living in unstable and/or unsuitable accommodation,
- 45 % of children had totally disengaged from education, training or employment,
- 35 % had a parent in adult custody,
- 56 % had experienced or been impacted by domestic and family violence,
- 83 % were known to be using drugs or alcohol,
- 37 % were diagnosed or suspected to have a disability,
- 27 % had at least one mental health disorder, and
- 19 % had at least one behavioural disorder.
There is more to discuss and analyse about the contributing factors and socio-economic aspects that need to be addressed (and some of them completely overhauled), and we will hopefully do that in future posts, as we come to the table to lay the foundation of a “social awakening” movement. A group of professionals bringing together the government and non-government organisations with the sole aim of truly empowering our communities through raising awareness and education. The time for ‘band-aids’ is long gone. As more and more voices call it, we have “epidemics” in our society, of domestic violence, of children being harmed, of youth offending, that claim innocent lives almost every day. It is long overdue to actually admit that our society needs a concentrated effort of education and re-education in terms of ~values, attitudes and behaviours~. From childcare centres and prep year to pensioners and aged care facilities, we need to realign society’s beliefs, attitudes, and behaviours into one, pro-social, values system. One that promotes empathy, secure attachments and respectful relationships and teaches our children and adolescents that crime and violence of any kind do not and should not have a place in our society.
Police, Child protection, Youth Justice, the Courts, all these are reactive systems! We need to get proactive and start working towards avoiding tragedies, rather the responding to them. There is a lot of talk now about prevention and early intervention, but even before that, we need EDUCATION programs!!! This is an appeal to all of you, scholars, teachers, community services practitioners, politicians: enough with talking the talk! It is time to move beyond rhetoric and political agendas and step into action. The tragic reality of the last 15-20 years (wagging tongues are wondering if we are now reaping now the fruits of the “baby bonus initiative” introduced by the Australian federal government in 2004) shows us that we’ve been struggling to build that bright future our youth deserve, let’s put all our efforts towards building our youth (and their parents) for the future!
2024.05.03 04:25 LandsharkComedyChum Selected Craftcity.com Reviews of Poor Ovejas Vodka ($79.95) By Bert Kreischer And Tom Segura
03/26/2024Stephen Redbar is watching 1 Star
Horrible
02/12/2024T. Shit 1 Star
I'd rather drink a bucket of shit
J.B. Tastes poor and bitter
Only for the poors. 1 star
J 02/19/2024Jeremy Delicious Tears of the Poor
Aw, you mad bro? 5 triggered stars. I'll be sure and poor some out for the losers.
T 02/19/2024Tom Bitterness Bitter taste - like midlife crisis 1 Star
It tastes like both of the owners were overweight trust fund babies who made a tremendous amount of money because they were friends with a famous podcaster. Then when they were drunk with riches, Tom grew incredibly bitter that he couldn’t cheat on his wife (who was with him when he was a fat slob). Angry that he couldn’t chase tail with his newfound wealth/fame/weight loss, his bitterness fed into every aspect of his life… and this horrible vodka
02/21/2024J.M. Poor Quality 1 Star
This is probably the POOREST quality vodka I've ever tried and I used to drink some real dogshit back in college. Save your hard earned money and buy Taaka, which is far superior in every way. Be smart, don't end up in the POOR house.
02/22/2024Malcom Very poor taste 5 Stars
Good guys but tastes very cheap. Very bitter and I’m sorry bros, but it’s gross
P 02/21/2024Paul WS Unbelievably smooth. 5 Stars
Easily one of the best vodka's I've ever had. The low ratings you are seeing from people are just trolls. The creators are living better lives than them and it makes them sad.
02/23/2024George Hollingsworth Where’s the bodies 5 Stars
I wasn’t able to get a bottle and able to leave a review so I wouldn’t read much into the 1 star reviews. Keep your balls clean and aim for the chin.
02/29/2024Christina "Tubs" Fatzinsky Is this Kerosene? 1 Star
Honestly, this should be called "Poor oh-nos" vodka
Tastes like dirt
P 02/27/2024Paul Anderson Not worth it for the price 1 Star
Should be worth less especially for the quality, price makes no sense.
M 03/10/2024Mark Norm Not Good! 1 Star
I had high expectations, and I finally tried it at an official launch party in Austin, and couldn't be more disappointed!! It has a very dirtyish taste, and it's very bitter on the throat. It feels like what I imagine is eating peppercorns wrapped in a non-organic tea bag that was sitting for a couple of weeks in an Austin sewage pipe.
03/14/2024A.M.Obviously just haters that never purchased 5 Stars
You can tell 99% of these reviews are just haters who never even bought th3 vodka especially seeing that its only $28 at other retailers and they cry about $80 they obviously never even looked for it...
03/23/2024John dor Tom segura is making me insegura 5 Stars
I drank half a shot of this porsche osos and I ended up having sex with my sister.
03/25/2024Leo Dominique Hard to speak 1 Star
Id rather have an alcoholic seizure than sip this swill ever again.
03/26/2024Crap City Grifter Gruel 1 Star
Dumpster gravy.
j 03/26/2024j.s. Terible 1 Star
Repackaged rubbing alcohol
J 03/26/2024Joseph P Esq. Intensely Repulsive 1 Star
Rebottled Proof 110 vodka. The taste is downright disturbing.
03/28/2024Poor Bad Value! 1 Star
I spent 3 months of pay on this and it stinks!
03/28/2024Peter Francis Chang Yikes 5 Stars
I mixed this with some tiger thiggg whiskey and now I have AIDs
submitted by LandsharkComedyChum to u/LandsharkComedyChum [link] [comments]
Horrible
02/12/2024T. Shit 1 Star
I'd rather drink a bucket of shit
J.B. Tastes poor and bitter
Only for the poors. 1 star
J 02/19/2024Jeremy Delicious Tears of the Poor
Aw, you mad bro? 5 triggered stars. I'll be sure and poor some out for the losers.
T 02/19/2024Tom Bitterness Bitter taste - like midlife crisis 1 Star
It tastes like both of the owners were overweight trust fund babies who made a tremendous amount of money because they were friends with a famous podcaster. Then when they were drunk with riches, Tom grew incredibly bitter that he couldn’t cheat on his wife (who was with him when he was a fat slob). Angry that he couldn’t chase tail with his newfound wealth/fame/weight loss, his bitterness fed into every aspect of his life… and this horrible vodka
02/21/2024J.M. Poor Quality 1 Star
This is probably the POOREST quality vodka I've ever tried and I used to drink some real dogshit back in college. Save your hard earned money and buy Taaka, which is far superior in every way. Be smart, don't end up in the POOR house.
02/22/2024Malcom Very poor taste 5 Stars
Good guys but tastes very cheap. Very bitter and I’m sorry bros, but it’s gross
P 02/21/2024Paul WS Unbelievably smooth. 5 Stars
Easily one of the best vodka's I've ever had. The low ratings you are seeing from people are just trolls. The creators are living better lives than them and it makes them sad.
02/23/2024George Hollingsworth Where’s the bodies 5 Stars
I wasn’t able to get a bottle and able to leave a review so I wouldn’t read much into the 1 star reviews. Keep your balls clean and aim for the chin.
02/29/2024Christina "Tubs" Fatzinsky Is this Kerosene? 1 Star
Honestly, this should be called "Poor oh-nos" vodka
Tastes like dirt
P 02/27/2024Paul Anderson Not worth it for the price 1 Star
Should be worth less especially for the quality, price makes no sense.
M 03/10/2024Mark Norm Not Good! 1 Star
I had high expectations, and I finally tried it at an official launch party in Austin, and couldn't be more disappointed!! It has a very dirtyish taste, and it's very bitter on the throat. It feels like what I imagine is eating peppercorns wrapped in a non-organic tea bag that was sitting for a couple of weeks in an Austin sewage pipe.
03/14/2024A.M.Obviously just haters that never purchased 5 Stars
You can tell 99% of these reviews are just haters who never even bought th3 vodka especially seeing that its only $28 at other retailers and they cry about $80 they obviously never even looked for it...
03/23/2024John dor Tom segura is making me insegura 5 Stars
I drank half a shot of this porsche osos and I ended up having sex with my sister.
03/25/2024Leo Dominique Hard to speak 1 Star
Id rather have an alcoholic seizure than sip this swill ever again.
03/26/2024Crap City Grifter Gruel 1 Star
Dumpster gravy.
j 03/26/2024j.s. Terible 1 Star
Repackaged rubbing alcohol
J 03/26/2024Joseph P Esq. Intensely Repulsive 1 Star
Rebottled Proof 110 vodka. The taste is downright disturbing.
03/28/2024Poor Bad Value! 1 Star
I spent 3 months of pay on this and it stinks!
03/28/2024Peter Francis Chang Yikes 5 Stars
I mixed this with some tiger thiggg whiskey and now I have AIDs
2024.05.03 04:14 _HoneyDew1919 [18F] Stressful relationship with father [42M] in last year of highschool. How to balance home and school?
[18F] Stressful relationship with father [42M] in last year of highschool. How to balance home and school?
My father has always had a history of extreme anger issues. My memories of my childhood are difficult and strained, and it's difficult to recite them concisely. But I know my father very well and he's a 6'2" 250lb+ loose canon of hatred.
I have two cats I love very dearly and they tend to be the object of our disagreements. One of my cats just got back from the vet for urinary issues and has been pissing on my dad's bed. In response, he woke me up throwing stuff and yelling, threatening to punch holes in the wall, move out, and kill me cats.
Of course, I have to wake up, clean up, and make sure my cats aren't hurt. I have school in the morning and now I can't fall back asleep. I wish I could just call off school because of this, but then I lose out on time to do school work. I also wish I could talk to my teachers about this but I wouldnt even know where to start. I'm emancipated so I don't know if any mandated reporter stuff applies.
My mom is very kind but has been living in the next state over for the past 2 years taking care of her own father. I often have to call her for safety, security, and situation diffusal.
All of my friends that I could stay the night at for refuge live 30+ minutes away, and I find it really hsrd to ask for help. Even if I did go over, it would be impractical to drive 30 minutes to go to school in the morning and a massive waste of gas.
I spend all day at class and am taking multiple college classes right now. Everytime an outburst like this happens, I feel my productivity drop. Either form me not being focused or me taking the day off. I had such a an awful day today but there's nothing I can do because I have to go in before school this morning to finish a group project.
My dad is a lifelong alcoholic, also. There are a few other things I'd like to share, but they're very ancedotocal. I don't know if they'll help, but I'll just tack them on the end here:
Just earlier this week, he ordered a shirt in the mail for my cats. When he came home, it was already on my cat so he started screaming and yelling at me for having "No respect for privacy." He had shown me he was ordering it, said what it was for, and finally, what he didn't realize, it was shipped in a clear bag. Whenever I flipped the clear bag over and showed him the shipping label and he realized he was wrong, all he did was drop it. No sorry, never.
Earlier this year, he was drunk and tried to access documents in the fire proof lock box. When he found it, it was unlocked and he had known I had gotten into it last. He started interrogating me, yelling and throwing stuff at me, and eventually throwing the whole lock box at me! (So heavy) I had told him whenever I had opened it, it was always unlocked, and I had never known it to be unlocked. He called bullshit and I had to call my mom to save me and she said she had the keys! In the next state over! And she had had them for the past 2 years. He was blackout drunk when this happened and when he was later sent to apologize for hurting me so bad, he had to literally ask me what he did to me before he apologized because he didn't remember!!!
I don't even know what to do anymore. Any help is appreciated. Especially if you have experience with being a school counselor.
submitted by _HoneyDew1919 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
My father has always had a history of extreme anger issues. My memories of my childhood are difficult and strained, and it's difficult to recite them concisely. But I know my father very well and he's a 6'2" 250lb+ loose canon of hatred.
I have two cats I love very dearly and they tend to be the object of our disagreements. One of my cats just got back from the vet for urinary issues and has been pissing on my dad's bed. In response, he woke me up throwing stuff and yelling, threatening to punch holes in the wall, move out, and kill me cats.
Of course, I have to wake up, clean up, and make sure my cats aren't hurt. I have school in the morning and now I can't fall back asleep. I wish I could just call off school because of this, but then I lose out on time to do school work. I also wish I could talk to my teachers about this but I wouldnt even know where to start. I'm emancipated so I don't know if any mandated reporter stuff applies.
My mom is very kind but has been living in the next state over for the past 2 years taking care of her own father. I often have to call her for safety, security, and situation diffusal.
All of my friends that I could stay the night at for refuge live 30+ minutes away, and I find it really hsrd to ask for help. Even if I did go over, it would be impractical to drive 30 minutes to go to school in the morning and a massive waste of gas.
I spend all day at class and am taking multiple college classes right now. Everytime an outburst like this happens, I feel my productivity drop. Either form me not being focused or me taking the day off. I had such a an awful day today but there's nothing I can do because I have to go in before school this morning to finish a group project.
My dad is a lifelong alcoholic, also. There are a few other things I'd like to share, but they're very ancedotocal. I don't know if they'll help, but I'll just tack them on the end here:
Just earlier this week, he ordered a shirt in the mail for my cats. When he came home, it was already on my cat so he started screaming and yelling at me for having "No respect for privacy." He had shown me he was ordering it, said what it was for, and finally, what he didn't realize, it was shipped in a clear bag. Whenever I flipped the clear bag over and showed him the shipping label and he realized he was wrong, all he did was drop it. No sorry, never.
Earlier this year, he was drunk and tried to access documents in the fire proof lock box. When he found it, it was unlocked and he had known I had gotten into it last. He started interrogating me, yelling and throwing stuff at me, and eventually throwing the whole lock box at me! (So heavy) I had told him whenever I had opened it, it was always unlocked, and I had never known it to be unlocked. He called bullshit and I had to call my mom to save me and she said she had the keys! In the next state over! And she had had them for the past 2 years. He was blackout drunk when this happened and when he was later sent to apologize for hurting me so bad, he had to literally ask me what he did to me before he apologized because he didn't remember!!!
I don't even know what to do anymore. Any help is appreciated. Especially if you have experience with being a school counselor.
2024.05.03 04:08 panmanwithnoplan Anothher Day, Another Argument With My Victim Mentality Mother
Hi, I'm a 24 y/o male, Canadian, still living at home (glamorous, I know). I have ADHD and have suspisions I may be on the Autism spectrum as well, but no proof without getting a diagnosis.
I've gone to both college and University, switched career paths twice, worked for 3 and 1/2 years to pay off my debt, buy a car, and pay for my current college course whcih I hope lands me a decemt career. I've also been the deciding (monetary) factor many times in our being able to keep the house that we currently live in. I even paid to replace our washing machine.
I cannot afford to leave home without ending up in debt and ending up homeless, getting stuck in a dead end job for the rest of my life, or (I live on the East Coast of Canada and the economy keeps getting worse).
My mom is a career woman (albeit with some bad luck in that departmemt lately) in her 50s who is going throught the challenges of menopause.
I'm not quite sure if my mom is a narcissist, but she definitely shares a few traits with them.
i.e. -Fishes for sympathy by constantly being hard on herself out loud -Takes any difference of a opinion as a personal offence/slight against her -Always beleive's she's right -If proven wrong, she gets angry and huffy about it -If more than one person disagrees with her at once, she says we're all "ganging up on her" -Constantly talks out loud; sometimes to herself, and sometimes to whoever is there -Depending on her mood, she'll either get annoyed at you for interupting her giant rhetorical rant, or annoyed at you for not listening to the entire thing while she was speaking without making eye contact
That's just a brief overview of the problems that led to our argument though.
You see, my mother definitely has some form of what could be called a "victim complex". She had a bad childhood with abusive parents. One was an alcoholic, the other hit her head on the ice in her 20s(?), and was never the same since. A lifetime of beatings and emotional abuse combined with neglect, and clear favoritism towards her 2 siblings over her, culminated in her dysfunction as an adult. Now, any joke, jab, or mild disagreement reminds her of her horrible childhood when everyone really WAS against her. I understand why she is the way she is, but that doesn't make her any easier to deal with.
I know she has problems. My sister knows she has a problems. My dad, her own husband, has agreed with me that she has problems. We are all in agreement on this.
The only one either unaware of, or refusing to acknowledge, her emotional isssues is my mom herself.
We were picking out something to watch on Netflix together before bed. She mentions "what was that one called again?" I respond "I'm not sure which movie you're talking about🤔, you'll have to clarify". "Maybe you could describe the movie to me?" I ask, assuming ahe had something in mind, but didn't want to force me into watching it assuming it would bore me. "What? No I didn't say anything" she responds in anger. "Oh, sorry, I thought there was some other movie or show you had in mind" I say. "God okay, would you just drop it?" she says, annoyed again. "Why do you always have to keep going and going like that?" she says. "I don't like it when you speak to me like that, all condescending like that, it hurts my feelings, god".
Now, at this point I probably should have said nothing. Unfortunately, two of the things I inherited from her are her stubbornness and her short fuse.
So, I respond "it hurts my feelings too". This sets her off. "You always pick on me like that!" she says. "You speak to me so condescendingly, like I'm a 5-year-old, you're so disrespectful to me!". "Well, I'm sorry, I don't mean to do that, it's just that you're hard to speak to sometimes" I respond as calmly as I can. She scoffs "how dare you, I am your mother! I work hard, I help you, I pay for this house, I help you get through college. You are so arrogant sometimes!"she says. "You're right, I am arrogant" I respond. "But that does not mean that you are completely free of fault either". "I feel like I can't say anything around you without setting you off, because you always seem to think disagee with anyone that doesn't fjt your perfect standards". This REALLY pisses her off. "I DO NOT think I'm perfect!"
I'll spare you from an entire poorly-remembered transcript of the event typed on my phone hastily after, but you get the point. A "you never liked me!" here. A "you're the only one who thinks this way about me!" there. One adult trying to be calm, but, apparently, coming off as condescending. Another refusing to listen to any grivences or concerns, seeing the calm tone as disrepect and vitriol.
I tried mentioning that maybe we should both go to some sort of family (or individual) therapist about this, but she hates even the IDEA of therapy, because she takes it as an insult. She immeditely dismissed the idea, as she always has.
I'd go to therapy myself if I could afford it (broke college student).
She's right about one thing.
She mentioned that she doesn't think I've liked her for a very long time, since my teenage years. I still love her but, given her behavior being that of a walking minefield, it is HARD to like her most of the time.
She's going to be crying about this for a while, but I stopped being able to cry about it years ago.
Instead, I seriously contemplate just running outside and driving my car as far away from here as possible. She mentioned, during our argument, having thought the same, multiple times in the past.
I've gone so far past "sad", that I've entered the realm of "numb".
After years of similar arguments, I'm no longer mad at her actions. I'm just dissapointed.
...thank you for anyone who took the time to read my ramblings. This will probably boil over eventually, just like it always does (assuming I'm not kicked out of the house for this). More than anything else, this was a method to vent. I've been reading this Sub for a few years now, but this is the first time I've actually posted anything.
It's definitely better therapy than the "let it boil inside and do absolutely nothing" method.
submitted by panmanwithnoplan to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
I've gone to both college and University, switched career paths twice, worked for 3 and 1/2 years to pay off my debt, buy a car, and pay for my current college course whcih I hope lands me a decemt career. I've also been the deciding (monetary) factor many times in our being able to keep the house that we currently live in. I even paid to replace our washing machine.
I cannot afford to leave home without ending up in debt and ending up homeless, getting stuck in a dead end job for the rest of my life, or (I live on the East Coast of Canada and the economy keeps getting worse).
My mom is a career woman (albeit with some bad luck in that departmemt lately) in her 50s who is going throught the challenges of menopause.
I'm not quite sure if my mom is a narcissist, but she definitely shares a few traits with them.
i.e. -Fishes for sympathy by constantly being hard on herself out loud -Takes any difference of a opinion as a personal offence/slight against her -Always beleive's she's right -If proven wrong, she gets angry and huffy about it -If more than one person disagrees with her at once, she says we're all "ganging up on her" -Constantly talks out loud; sometimes to herself, and sometimes to whoever is there -Depending on her mood, she'll either get annoyed at you for interupting her giant rhetorical rant, or annoyed at you for not listening to the entire thing while she was speaking without making eye contact
That's just a brief overview of the problems that led to our argument though.
You see, my mother definitely has some form of what could be called a "victim complex". She had a bad childhood with abusive parents. One was an alcoholic, the other hit her head on the ice in her 20s(?), and was never the same since. A lifetime of beatings and emotional abuse combined with neglect, and clear favoritism towards her 2 siblings over her, culminated in her dysfunction as an adult. Now, any joke, jab, or mild disagreement reminds her of her horrible childhood when everyone really WAS against her. I understand why she is the way she is, but that doesn't make her any easier to deal with.
I know she has problems. My sister knows she has a problems. My dad, her own husband, has agreed with me that she has problems. We are all in agreement on this.
The only one either unaware of, or refusing to acknowledge, her emotional isssues is my mom herself.
We were picking out something to watch on Netflix together before bed. She mentions "what was that one called again?" I respond "I'm not sure which movie you're talking about🤔, you'll have to clarify". "Maybe you could describe the movie to me?" I ask, assuming ahe had something in mind, but didn't want to force me into watching it assuming it would bore me. "What? No I didn't say anything" she responds in anger. "Oh, sorry, I thought there was some other movie or show you had in mind" I say. "God okay, would you just drop it?" she says, annoyed again. "Why do you always have to keep going and going like that?" she says. "I don't like it when you speak to me like that, all condescending like that, it hurts my feelings, god".
Now, at this point I probably should have said nothing. Unfortunately, two of the things I inherited from her are her stubbornness and her short fuse.
So, I respond "it hurts my feelings too". This sets her off. "You always pick on me like that!" she says. "You speak to me so condescendingly, like I'm a 5-year-old, you're so disrespectful to me!". "Well, I'm sorry, I don't mean to do that, it's just that you're hard to speak to sometimes" I respond as calmly as I can. She scoffs "how dare you, I am your mother! I work hard, I help you, I pay for this house, I help you get through college. You are so arrogant sometimes!"she says. "You're right, I am arrogant" I respond. "But that does not mean that you are completely free of fault either". "I feel like I can't say anything around you without setting you off, because you always seem to think disagee with anyone that doesn't fjt your perfect standards". This REALLY pisses her off. "I DO NOT think I'm perfect!"
I'll spare you from an entire poorly-remembered transcript of the event typed on my phone hastily after, but you get the point. A "you never liked me!" here. A "you're the only one who thinks this way about me!" there. One adult trying to be calm, but, apparently, coming off as condescending. Another refusing to listen to any grivences or concerns, seeing the calm tone as disrepect and vitriol.
I tried mentioning that maybe we should both go to some sort of family (or individual) therapist about this, but she hates even the IDEA of therapy, because she takes it as an insult. She immeditely dismissed the idea, as she always has.
I'd go to therapy myself if I could afford it (broke college student).
She's right about one thing.
She mentioned that she doesn't think I've liked her for a very long time, since my teenage years. I still love her but, given her behavior being that of a walking minefield, it is HARD to like her most of the time.
She's going to be crying about this for a while, but I stopped being able to cry about it years ago.
Instead, I seriously contemplate just running outside and driving my car as far away from here as possible. She mentioned, during our argument, having thought the same, multiple times in the past.
I've gone so far past "sad", that I've entered the realm of "numb".
After years of similar arguments, I'm no longer mad at her actions. I'm just dissapointed.
...thank you for anyone who took the time to read my ramblings. This will probably boil over eventually, just like it always does (assuming I'm not kicked out of the house for this). More than anything else, this was a method to vent. I've been reading this Sub for a few years now, but this is the first time I've actually posted anything.
It's definitely better therapy than the "let it boil inside and do absolutely nothing" method.
2024.05.03 03:59 _HoneyDew1919 [18F] Stressful relationship with father [16M] in last year of highschool. How to balance home and school?
[18F] Stressful relationship with father [42M] in last year of highschool. How to balance home and school?
My father has always had a history of extreme anger issues. My memories of my childhood are difficult and strained, and it's difficult to recite them concisely. But I know my father very well and he's a 6'2" 250lb+ loose canon of hatred.
I have two cats I love very dearly and they tend to be the object of our disagreements. One of my cats just got back from the vet for urinary issues and has been pissing on my dad's bed. In response, he woke me up throwing stuff and yelling, threatening to punch holes in the wall, move out, and kill me cats.
Of course, I have to wake up, clean up, and make sure my cats aren't hurt. I have school in the morning and now I can't fall back asleep. I wish I could just call off school because of this, but then I lose out on time to do school work. I also wish I could talk to my teachers about this but I wouldnt even know where to start. I'm emancipated so I don't know if any mandated reporter stuff applies.
My mom is very kind but has been living in the next state over for the past 2 years taking care of her own father. I often have to call her for safety, security, and situation diffusal.
All of my friends that I could stay the night at for refuge live 30+ minutes away, and I find it really hsrd to ask for help. Even if I did go over, it would be impractical to drive 30 minutes to go to school in the morning and a massive waste of gas.
I spend all day at class and am taking multiple college classes right now. Everytime an outburst like this happens, I feel my productivity drop. Either form me not being focused or me taking the day off. I had such a an awful day today but there's nothing I can do because I have to go in before school this morning to finish a group project.
My dad is a lifelong alcoholic, also. There are a few other things I'd like to share, but they're very ancedotocal. I don't know if they'll help, but I'll just tack them on the end here:
Just earlier this week, he ordered a shirt in the mail for my cats. When he came home, it was already on my cat so he started screaming and yelling at me for having "No respect for privacy." He had shown me he was ordering it, said what it was for, and finally, what he didn't realize, it was shipped in a clear bag. Whenever I flipped the clear bag over and showed him the shipping label and he realized he was wrong, all he did was drop it. No sorry, never.
Earlier this year, he was drunk and tried to access documents in the fire proof lock box. When he found it, it was unlocked and he had known I had gotten into it last. He started interrogating me, yelling and throwing stuff at me, and eventually throwing the whole lock box at me! (So heavy) I had told him whenever I had opened it, it was always unlocked, and I had never known it to be unlocked. He called bullshit and I had to call my mom to save me and she said she had the keys! In the next state over! And she had had them for the past 2 years. He was blackout drunk when this happened and when he was later sent to apologize for hurting me so bad, he had to literally ask me what he did to me before he apologized because he didn't remember!!!
I don't even know what to do anymore. Any help is appreciated. Especially if you have experience with being a school counselor.
submitted by _HoneyDew1919 to teenrelationships [link] [comments]
My father has always had a history of extreme anger issues. My memories of my childhood are difficult and strained, and it's difficult to recite them concisely. But I know my father very well and he's a 6'2" 250lb+ loose canon of hatred.
I have two cats I love very dearly and they tend to be the object of our disagreements. One of my cats just got back from the vet for urinary issues and has been pissing on my dad's bed. In response, he woke me up throwing stuff and yelling, threatening to punch holes in the wall, move out, and kill me cats.
Of course, I have to wake up, clean up, and make sure my cats aren't hurt. I have school in the morning and now I can't fall back asleep. I wish I could just call off school because of this, but then I lose out on time to do school work. I also wish I could talk to my teachers about this but I wouldnt even know where to start. I'm emancipated so I don't know if any mandated reporter stuff applies.
My mom is very kind but has been living in the next state over for the past 2 years taking care of her own father. I often have to call her for safety, security, and situation diffusal.
All of my friends that I could stay the night at for refuge live 30+ minutes away, and I find it really hsrd to ask for help. Even if I did go over, it would be impractical to drive 30 minutes to go to school in the morning and a massive waste of gas.
I spend all day at class and am taking multiple college classes right now. Everytime an outburst like this happens, I feel my productivity drop. Either form me not being focused or me taking the day off. I had such a an awful day today but there's nothing I can do because I have to go in before school this morning to finish a group project.
My dad is a lifelong alcoholic, also. There are a few other things I'd like to share, but they're very ancedotocal. I don't know if they'll help, but I'll just tack them on the end here:
Just earlier this week, he ordered a shirt in the mail for my cats. When he came home, it was already on my cat so he started screaming and yelling at me for having "No respect for privacy." He had shown me he was ordering it, said what it was for, and finally, what he didn't realize, it was shipped in a clear bag. Whenever I flipped the clear bag over and showed him the shipping label and he realized he was wrong, all he did was drop it. No sorry, never.
Earlier this year, he was drunk and tried to access documents in the fire proof lock box. When he found it, it was unlocked and he had known I had gotten into it last. He started interrogating me, yelling and throwing stuff at me, and eventually throwing the whole lock box at me! (So heavy) I had told him whenever I had opened it, it was always unlocked, and I had never known it to be unlocked. He called bullshit and I had to call my mom to save me and she said she had the keys! In the next state over! And she had had them for the past 2 years. He was blackout drunk when this happened and when he was later sent to apologize for hurting me so bad, he had to literally ask me what he did to me before he apologized because he didn't remember!!!
I don't even know what to do anymore. Any help is appreciated. Especially if you have experience with being a school counselor.
2024.05.03 00:58 observingtree Has anyone heard of tau chu chang and what is it used for?
I have a bag of what looks like flowers and woods I picked up in Thailand. There was no information given except tau chu chang written on a paper label. I've been told to let it sit in high proof alcohol. Does anyone what this might be and what it is used for?
submitted by observingtree to herbalism [link] [comments]
2024.05.02 21:35 Content-Ad8370 Husband having midlife crisis
Me F(37) and husband M(39) are struggling. We have 2 kids M8 & F9. Together for 19 years, Married for 12. He has been struggling with turning 40 soon, having somewhat of a crisis. Several years ago we decided together he would be stay at home dad when we had littles. And this was a godsend during Covid. He got a little weird and depressed being at home all the time.
2 years ago, I started working from home. I encouraged him to take a part time job outside the house and it helped so much. He is an extrovert I am an introvert. He says I am “antisocial” and no fun. He started working in bars hosting events and recently started bartending. He has grown to love the attention and friends he makes. So much so he has spent increasing number of hours at the bar week after week to the point he rarely comes home anymore, rarely sees me/kids. He particularly likes the attention from other females, though not to the point of infidelity, just highly flirtatious and emotionally fulfilled outside of our marriage. He acknowledges this is an issue and says he is addicted to the people making him feel good about himself and he does not get these positive feelings from me. He feels I belittle him for me being the breadwinner and do not take his job seriously. Admittedly, I did use this as a weapon 2 years ago when I asked him to return to work and he didn’t want to at first. I acknowledged my mistake and have tried to make it right, but it still comes up often that I make more than he does (by a lot). But he makes jokes about ‘having a sugar momma’ and not having to work if he doesn’t want to.
I have tried to go out with him more to stop being the “stick in the mud” but somehow it just made things worse. Last weekend I left the bar at 2 am, he said he was leaving “right behind me” I went home and fell asleep. I woke up 2.5 hours later, he was at a girls house until 5am- with other guys too not 1on1 but still. He had sent me a text saying he was going to her house. I also found a paper he keeps in his wallet from another girl that says “I love you” from her on it; he says it makes him feel good. He also has multiple ‘selfies’ with said girl in his phone, and has given her rides home but swears nothing more intimate is going on. She is in her 20s and very attractive but I have found no other solid proof of something more.
He resents me for spending money on things I want. We are financially stable, kids have everything they need/want while also learning to appreciate/value things. I received 2 raises in the last year and decided I wanted to start a tattoo sleeve- fully discussed this with him ahead of time and he was okay with it. It costs about 500/session and I have been going once/mo. He now tells me he HATES my tattoos, hates me for getting them and I am doing it on purpose to shove it in his face that I spend money how I want because I make the money. He also hates that I love to read/buy books and spend a pretty good chunk of change on them every month, they make me happy. I admit I spend money rather frivolously, but not to the point of causing financial strain. I feel I have worked hard and pursued 2 degrees put in 13 years with my company to get where I am. I spend money to fill voids/sadness in my life.
I have offered multiple times to pay for him to go back to school, he does not want to. I told him he could work or not work, it doesn’t matter to me I make enough. I don’t really tell him not to spend money, but he is a smoker I am not. He spends a decent amount of money on alcohol. He drinks every single day, but he doesn’t get wasted or act a fool. He spends some money every week gambling. Mostly, he is just trying to hang on to that baparty all night lifestyle because he feels like turning 40 is some kind of looming doomsday. I don’t know how to give him the positive feedback he is seeking when his behavior makes it difficult to be positive about how he spends his time. He wants his ego stroked constantly and I want to punch him in the face; repeatedly. Physical intimacy not an issue for either of us.
Tl;dr husband at bar all the time getting attention from girls, hates that I am breadwinner.
submitted by Content-Ad8370 to marriageadvice [link] [comments]
2 years ago, I started working from home. I encouraged him to take a part time job outside the house and it helped so much. He is an extrovert I am an introvert. He says I am “antisocial” and no fun. He started working in bars hosting events and recently started bartending. He has grown to love the attention and friends he makes. So much so he has spent increasing number of hours at the bar week after week to the point he rarely comes home anymore, rarely sees me/kids. He particularly likes the attention from other females, though not to the point of infidelity, just highly flirtatious and emotionally fulfilled outside of our marriage. He acknowledges this is an issue and says he is addicted to the people making him feel good about himself and he does not get these positive feelings from me. He feels I belittle him for me being the breadwinner and do not take his job seriously. Admittedly, I did use this as a weapon 2 years ago when I asked him to return to work and he didn’t want to at first. I acknowledged my mistake and have tried to make it right, but it still comes up often that I make more than he does (by a lot). But he makes jokes about ‘having a sugar momma’ and not having to work if he doesn’t want to.
I have tried to go out with him more to stop being the “stick in the mud” but somehow it just made things worse. Last weekend I left the bar at 2 am, he said he was leaving “right behind me” I went home and fell asleep. I woke up 2.5 hours later, he was at a girls house until 5am- with other guys too not 1on1 but still. He had sent me a text saying he was going to her house. I also found a paper he keeps in his wallet from another girl that says “I love you” from her on it; he says it makes him feel good. He also has multiple ‘selfies’ with said girl in his phone, and has given her rides home but swears nothing more intimate is going on. She is in her 20s and very attractive but I have found no other solid proof of something more.
He resents me for spending money on things I want. We are financially stable, kids have everything they need/want while also learning to appreciate/value things. I received 2 raises in the last year and decided I wanted to start a tattoo sleeve- fully discussed this with him ahead of time and he was okay with it. It costs about 500/session and I have been going once/mo. He now tells me he HATES my tattoos, hates me for getting them and I am doing it on purpose to shove it in his face that I spend money how I want because I make the money. He also hates that I love to read/buy books and spend a pretty good chunk of change on them every month, they make me happy. I admit I spend money rather frivolously, but not to the point of causing financial strain. I feel I have worked hard and pursued 2 degrees put in 13 years with my company to get where I am. I spend money to fill voids/sadness in my life.
I have offered multiple times to pay for him to go back to school, he does not want to. I told him he could work or not work, it doesn’t matter to me I make enough. I don’t really tell him not to spend money, but he is a smoker I am not. He spends a decent amount of money on alcohol. He drinks every single day, but he doesn’t get wasted or act a fool. He spends some money every week gambling. Mostly, he is just trying to hang on to that baparty all night lifestyle because he feels like turning 40 is some kind of looming doomsday. I don’t know how to give him the positive feedback he is seeking when his behavior makes it difficult to be positive about how he spends his time. He wants his ego stroked constantly and I want to punch him in the face; repeatedly. Physical intimacy not an issue for either of us.
Tl;dr husband at bar all the time getting attention from girls, hates that I am breadwinner.
2024.05.02 20:25 Prashant-12345 Should we leave the job of enacting the “Same-sex Marriage Law (SSML)” for the Parliament?
Parliament is made of its members who have compulsion to remain popular among the masses because they have to get votes. They can never grant the Human Rights or the Fundamental Rights to a minority class against the wishes of the majority class. The parliamentarians can only concentrate on their vote banks. They can make laws only to appease the masses even at the cost of ignoring the Principle of Natural Justice. The Parliament cannot be relied upon. It is a Parliament of the heterosexuals, by the heterosexuals, for the heterosexuals.
We need not go very far to get a proof of this. Who removed IPC-377? Would parliament have ever removed it? Absolutely not. IPC-377 would have been hanging over our neck like a sword even today had Judiciary not declared it unconstitutional.
Whenever a bill is presented to the parliament for voting, at first the parliament discusses it thoroughly, sometimes for days and may be even for longer periods. Each and every aspect of the bill, its consequences, pros and cons etc. are analyzed at length. The voting is done only after all the members have understood all the prospects of the bill completely and no member has any doubt about them.
However, most MP's know nothing about homosexuality. They think that it is an abnormal and unnatural human behaviour, a mental disease and a perversion. They also think that it is the choice of a person to be a homosexual. In such a situation, the outcome of the voting on SSML is already known.
If the job of enacting the SSML is left to the parliament, first the MP's need to be given a thorough training on Medical Facts about Homosexuality and a rigourous understanding of the opinion of medical science on the subject.
Homosexuality is not a choice, it is a compulsion imposed on a person by nature (or God). Nobody becomes a homosexual by his or her choice. Homosexuals are born and not created or converted. One’s sexual orientation is decided by nature when one is still in one’s mother’s womb and it becomes apparent only after reaching puberty when one starts feeling attracted to other people. Nobody else can know a person’s sexual orientation unless he/she tells. There is no drug or therapy discovered/invented by medical science which can convert a person born as homosexual into a heterosexual. Homosexuality is not based on caste, community, race, region, religion, skin colour, ethnicity, culture etc.
Out of every 100 persons born on this earth, about 2–3 are always born as homosexual. This percentage remains constant in countries where gay marriages are legal such as Denmark, Netherlands, Belgium, UK, USA, Canada, Australia, France, Taiwan etc. (more than 30 countries) and in countries where homosexuality is punished by death such as Iran, Yemen, Saudi Arabia, Nigeria, Uganda etc.
Homosexuality is not a mental disorder. Homosexuals are perfectly healthy people as far as their mental condition is concerned. Just like a heterosexual, a homosexual can also do any job. He can be an engineer, a doctor, scientist, lawyer, journalist, teacher, fashion designer, businessman, pilot, CA, sportsman, actor, politician, minister, governor, and even a king. Medical science has declared that homosexuality is 100% same and as natural as heterosexuality with no difference between them. Just like it is normal for a heterosexual man to get attracted towards a woman and for a heterosexual woman to get attracted towards a man, it is also perfectly normal and natural for a man who has taken birth as a homosexual to get sexually attracted to a man and for a lesbian to get attracted to a woman. The only difference between the two is that the number of homosexuals is very small in comparison to heterosexuals. However, being less in number does not mean that they have a mental disorder. The number of Parsis is very small in India and in the world. Are Parsis abnormal? The number of people who do not like Cricket in India is quite small. Has anybody ever said that such people have a mental disorder. Numerous such examples are there.
All these things need to be explained to the MP's before they go for voting on SSML They should also be told that not giving homosexuals their fundamental rights is a great social evil with very serious adverse consequence on the society.
The Constitution is supreme. The parliament has to work under the Constitution. For this reason, the makers of the Constitution developed Judiciary as an organ of democracy. They knew that times will come when the parliament will make anti-constitutional laws to please the majority and to get votes. At these times the judiciary was to keep a check on the parliament. All the laws made by the parliament are subject to scrutiny by the Supreme Court. When the Supreme Court finds that the parliamentarians have made a law which violates the constitution, it can overturn it. The judiciary does not have to get the votes of the masses. Therefore, it can reason, think logically and grant the Fundamental Rights to a single person against the wishes of one hundred persons.
In any society, about 2 to 3% people are born as homosexuals. Additionally, about 7 to 8% people are born as bisexuals. The total population of homosexuals and bisexuals in any country is about 10%. India, with an estimated population of about 140 crores, contains nearly 14 crore homosexuals and bisexuals, half of them men and half women. Nearly 4 crore homosexuals exist in India, 2 crore gay men and 2 crore lesbians. Similarly, India consists about 5 crore bisexual men and 5 crore bisexual women.
Indian heterosexuals have declared that being born as a gay or bisexual person is the most shameful thing on earth. They consider it more shameful than committing a murder or rape. Due to this reason, almost all of India’s gay and bisexual persons are living in closet. They are living in the garb of heterosexuals. This essentially means that not only they cannot marry with the person they want to, but they are also entangled in opposite-sex or the heterosexual marriages. About 99% of India’s 2 crore gay men are married to women and almost 100% of 2 crore lesbians are married to men. Not only the lives of about 2 crore gay men have been completely ruined but also of the 2 crore heterosexual women whom they are married to. About 2 crore Indian lesbians are raped every night for their whole lives by their ‘legalized’ husbands. The punishment for a single rape may be about 7 to 10 years jail term sometimes extending to life-long imprisonment. However, there is no punishment for this life-long rape of lesbians. Lives of 8 crore Indians have been completely destroyed, 4 crore of them being homosexuals and 4 crore heterosexuals. Yes, even the lives of 4 crore heterosexuals have been ruined. Why? Because the heterosexuals want to violate the fundamental rights of homosexuals at any cost. Further, India’s 10 crore bisexual man and women are all, in any case, married to opposite-sex persons whether they want it or not. To say it differently, India’s 10 crore heterosexuals are married to bisexuals which they would have never accepted willingly. These bisexuals, especially bisexual men, cheat with their spouses. They almost always cheat their wives and go to gay/bisexual men. The Indian heterosexuals are harming themselves in their zeal to hurt homosexuals.
This is the worst kind of slavery. India’s gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals are all slaves of heterosexuals. They have no other choice other than living as per the commandments of heterosexuals. A highly educated gay man with a post graduate degree or with a PhD in Science, Engg., Medicine or Law has to live as per the dictums of an illiterate daily wage labourer simply because this labourer is a heterosexual. He is the master of homosexuals. Unless he permits, even the most educated gay man cannot marry with his same-sex partner and enjoy his human right. The parliament will make a law for gay marriages only when he gives his consent. His opinion is supreme. As long as he does not agree, the constitution will keep on being violated.
This slavery is much worse than the slavery which the British imposed on us. The British were not interfering in any of our rights to life. They were just interested in our wealth and taking it away. It was basically an economic slavery for us. But the heterosexuals are taking away homosexuals’ right to life. The right to a life-partner is included in the right to life. Most humans want to spend their lives with a life-partner. They want company, togetherness, and affection from a person to whom they emotionally attached and they want to live with such a person under one roof all their lives and raise a family. Homosexuals are no different. They also have exactly the same desires. They also want to have a family. Not only humans but also many animals and birds live with their life partners. When a single animal of a particular species is left in a zoo, another animal of the opposite sex of the same species is brought from some other zoo to give company to it so that the single animal does not feel lonely. Sometimes such an animal is brought from a foreign country spending lakhs of Rupees. Recently 12 cheetahs were brought from South Africa and released in Kuno National Park and special care was taken so that about half of them are male and half female. However, right to a life-partner of homosexuals is violated. The homosexuals do not have an importance in the eyes of the Indian government even as an animal. It does not consider them more important than worms or insects. Such is the kind of slavery of homosexuals.
Recent research suggests that happily married people enjoy better health than single people. Those who are married tend to live longer, have fewer strokes and heart attacks, have a lower chance of becoming depressed, more likely to survive heart attacks, survive a major operation more often and consume less unhealthy food and alcohol.
The government of India does not give the right of marriage to homosexuals. With whom should they spend their lives then? One’s parents do not live for one’s lifetime. They will die. One’s brothers and sisters will be busy with their own lives. The Indian homosexuals, therefore, are destined to live a lonely life due to the adamancy of the government. As per the medical science, loneliness is silent killer. Human beings are thoroughly social creatures. Loneliness has a wide range of negative effects on both physical and mental health of humans and it takes a grave toll on their health. It has increased risk of heart attack, increased risk of having a stroke, increased risk of developing dementia and other serious medical conditions. Loneliness is a major risk factor for developing depression. It has been linked to insufficient sleep and increased mortality. It increases risk of premature death. It is even linked to higher rates of suicide.
Solitary confinement causing acute loneliness is the hardest punishment sometimes given to hardened criminals. Many times, it is considered violation of human rights even for the prisoners and Human Right Activists have opposed it around the world. The government of India, thus, is directly violating the Fundamental Right to Life of homosexuals.
Has any master in the history of earth ever given freedom on his own to his slave? We have fought about 90-year long war of independence against the British. What if the British had told us that they will themselves bring a bill for India’s independence in the House of Commons, get it passed and grant freedom to India and therefore the Indians need not protest against them? Would we have believed them? If not, then how can we hope that Indian parliament will ever make SSML and take homosexuals out of the clutches of heterosexuals? A slave always has to fight for his liberation and that is what the petitioners in this case are doing in the Supreme Court.
Not making a law to protect the Fundamental Rights of homosexuals is equivalent to making a law which violates the Constitution. Presently the parliament/ government is doing exactly that. The judiciary should, therefore, immediately come into action.
The Government of India does not have faith in the Constitution. We do not have faith in the Parliament.
Those who are advocating that only parliament can decide whether India should have SSML know it very well that parliament will never pass it. The government is strongly fighting against it today in the Supreme Court. What is the chance that tomorrow it will draft a bill for SSML and present it in the parliament for passing/ voting? No political party in India has ever talked about in last 75 years. It has never been on the agenda of any Indian party. No party has ever written about it in their election manifesto or declared their plan about it. The Supreme Court should understand this and should, therefore, order the government to bring SSML Bill in the parliament and get it passed. It is true that writing the draft of a new law is not the job of Supreme Court. However, it has powers to ask the government to do it.
In contrast, the Supreme Court of Nepal, a small and insignificant country in Asia, has done a commendable job and forced the Nepal Government to legalize same-sex marriages. Yes, Nepal has done it under the pressure from its Supreme Court. Although the Nepal Government succumbed to this pressure only in 2023, its SC had ordered it to enact SSML in 2007 itself, i.e., a full 16 years ago and it continuously kept building pressure on the Nepal government which finally bore fruit. In spite of the fact that there has been a political transition in Nepal during all these years and Nepal was re-writing its Constitution, this has been achieved. Here is the history of a fight for SSML in Nepal:
· On March 23, 2007, Nepal’s Supreme Court ordered the Nepali government to legally recognize same-sex marriages.
· On November 17, 2008, the Supreme Court made Nepal to consider legalizing same-sex marriages. The court asked the government to form a committee to study same-sex marriage laws in other countries.
· In February 2016, Nepal's National Human Rights Commission asked the government to introduce a bill to allow same-sex marriages.
· On 20 March 2023, the Supreme Court of Nepal ordered the Nepali government to recognize a same-sex marriage between a Nepali and a German citizen performed in Germany and directed the Federal Parliament to legalize same-sex marriages in Nepal. Judges also directed the government to draft legislation for full marriage equality in Nepal, declaring laws banning same-sex marriages to be unconstitutional and discriminatory. The court asked Nepal’s Ministry of Law and Justice to prepare an equal marriage law or amend existing laws to accommodate the principles of equal marriage.
· Nepal's Supreme Court on 2 May 2023, ordered Nepal Government to recognize the same-sex marriage between a Nepali man and his foreign husband and instructed the government to move towards the legalization of same-sex marriages. The Court ruled that failure to recognize same-sex spouses violates Nepal’s Constitution and its international human rights obligations.
· On 30 November 2023, Nepal formally registered the first case of same-sex marriage. With this historic move, Nepal has become the second Asian Nation (first being Taiwan) and the first South Asian nation and to do so. The marriage between Ram Bahadur Gurung, 36, and Surendra Pandey, 26, was formally registered at the Dordi rural municipality office in the Lumjung district in west Nepal.
· On 12 February 2024, Anju Devi Shrestha, a resident of Bardiya district in western Nepal and Suprita Gurung, a resident of Syangja district, both 33, scripted history by becoming the first lesbian couple in Nepal to officially register their marriage at Jamuna Rural Municipality of Bardiya district.
· Nepal government intends to pass a separate law on same-sex marriages currently being drafted by the Ministry of Women, Children and Social Welfare.
But unfortunately, The Supreme Court of India has already succumbed to the pressure of the Indian government and dismissed all the 18 petitions filed before it. Why India’s Supreme Court is so helpless and so weak when the Supreme Court of a small country like Nepal can assert itself?
. . . . . .
It is said that only 34 countries have made SSML. Out of 195 countries, 34 is a big number in this matter. It is not ‘only’. OK, how many countries should do it before India follows suit? How do we calculate it? What is the formula? Will India do it only when all other counties have done it except India? Is it necessary to be the last when it comes to doing good things? India always remains in the front in doing bad things. It is one of the leading countries in corruption. India’s crime rate is one of the highest in the world. Indian businessmen indulge in profiteering, over-charging, less weighing, adulteration, hoarding, tax evasion and following all unethical business practices. But in doing good things, India wants to remain a back-bencher.
Why did The Netherlands make SSML in 2001 becoming the first country to do it? Why did Denmark made Same-sex Partnership Law as early as in 1989 (which was later renamed as SSML in 2012)? These countries never thought why should they do it when no other country had done it. No good work would ever be done if we keep looking towards one-another not to be the first. Why does India want to prove that The Netherlands and Denmark are superior countries and India is inferior? It cannot even think to match them.
It has also been said that SSML has been made in most of these 34 countries by the government / legislature rather than the judiciary. However, we need to keep in mind that these 34 are developed, civilized and educated countries whose citizens respect the rights of minorities and do not infringe upon them. These are truly democratic countries having high regards for right to equality.
India, on the contrary, is a false, flawed and pseudo-democracy. When Lalu Prasad Yadav go to jail in a corruption case, his totally un-lettered wife who has been confined to family’s kitchen all her life becomes the Chief Minister. One third of the members of India’s parliament and state assemblies have criminal cases against them. Here elections are fought on the basis of caste, region and religion using money and muscle power. When India’s robbers and dacoits, murderers, kidnappers, rapists and extortionists give-up crime for some reason, what do they do? They become MP’s and MLA’s. What human rights can be discussed with likes of Atique Ahmed, Mohd. Shahabuddin, Mukhtar Ansari, Phoolan Devi, Santokben Jadeja and Kuldeep Singh Sengar?
Indian population has a high degree of illiteracy. The citizens do not respect others’ rights and interfere in the internal affairs of their fellow countrymen. They do not understand the laws of nature and interfere in the acts of God. They force others to live as per their whims and fancies. When they find that the others are not living as per their commands, they will thrash, hit, beat, kick, attack, lynch and kill them. Indian heterosexuals have extreme hatred for homosexuals. They ridicule them, laugh at them, hate them, condemn them, shun them and ostracize them. It’s a far cry to expect from them that they will give equal rights to homosexuals. India’s right to equality will remain only on paper if left to people / parliament.
The argument that the SSML has been made in other countries by the government and not the Judiciary goes only against those who are giving this argument. When the legislature of so many countries has already discussed the issue and upheld it, what does India expect to achieve by again discussing it? Why should we reinvent the wheel? Is there any country whose parliament took up this issue and rejected it? No. Then why do we need to take the matter again and waste time.
The question is not who has done it in 34 countries, the Government or the Judiciary. The real question is whether SSML is right or wrong. And we already know the answer.
. . . . . .
The Special Marriage Act, 1954 was essentially made for heterosexuals. Tweaking (fine-tuning) it to suit it to homosexuals also is not practical. Almost each clause of the act will have to have two paras if we do that. One for heterosexuals and the other for homosexuals. As an example, in the heterosexual marriages, a man gives maintenance to his wife if divorce happens and not the vice versa. This provision cannot be used in homosexual marriages. A new provision will be required. Similarly, in the Domestic Violence Act, 2005 (which is closely related to heterosexual marriages) there is provision to punish a man if he does cruelty to his wife but there is no provision to proceed against a woman if she does cruelty to her husband. This cannot be applied to homosexual marriages. For such reasons, a completely new law (SSML) is required to be written. Whereas heterosexual marriage laws depend on the religion of the man/woman getting married, SSML will be the same irrespective of the religion of the persons getting married. Whether the two homosexuals getting married are Hindus, Muslims or one is Hindu and the other is Muslim, the same law will govern their marriage. The issues of divorce, succession/inheritance can be handled either by studying the gay marriage laws of other countries or by adopting the best practices of Hindu Marriage Act 1955, Muslim Personal Law 1937, The Indian Christian Marriage Act 1872, The Anand Marriage Act, 1909, and the Parsi Marriage and Divorce Act, 1936 etc.
The issue of adoption is unrelated to marriage. It can be decided later on. Not all gay/lesbian couples will adopt. It will not be correct, therefore, to refuse/delay SSML If we cannot decide whether to allow gay couples to adopt. They cannot be stopped from marriage itself if the issue is pending. The same is true for surrogacy. As long as we do not decide the adoption/surrogacy issues, married gay couples can be considered as unmarried for this purpose and the provision used for single people can be applied on them.
submitted by Prashant-12345 to u/Prashant-12345 [link] [comments]
We need not go very far to get a proof of this. Who removed IPC-377? Would parliament have ever removed it? Absolutely not. IPC-377 would have been hanging over our neck like a sword even today had Judiciary not declared it unconstitutional.
Whenever a bill is presented to the parliament for voting, at first the parliament discusses it thoroughly, sometimes for days and may be even for longer periods. Each and every aspect of the bill, its consequences, pros and cons etc. are analyzed at length. The voting is done only after all the members have understood all the prospects of the bill completely and no member has any doubt about them.
However, most MP's know nothing about homosexuality. They think that it is an abnormal and unnatural human behaviour, a mental disease and a perversion. They also think that it is the choice of a person to be a homosexual. In such a situation, the outcome of the voting on SSML is already known.
If the job of enacting the SSML is left to the parliament, first the MP's need to be given a thorough training on Medical Facts about Homosexuality and a rigourous understanding of the opinion of medical science on the subject.
Homosexuality is not a choice, it is a compulsion imposed on a person by nature (or God). Nobody becomes a homosexual by his or her choice. Homosexuals are born and not created or converted. One’s sexual orientation is decided by nature when one is still in one’s mother’s womb and it becomes apparent only after reaching puberty when one starts feeling attracted to other people. Nobody else can know a person’s sexual orientation unless he/she tells. There is no drug or therapy discovered/invented by medical science which can convert a person born as homosexual into a heterosexual. Homosexuality is not based on caste, community, race, region, religion, skin colour, ethnicity, culture etc.
Out of every 100 persons born on this earth, about 2–3 are always born as homosexual. This percentage remains constant in countries where gay marriages are legal such as Denmark, Netherlands, Belgium, UK, USA, Canada, Australia, France, Taiwan etc. (more than 30 countries) and in countries where homosexuality is punished by death such as Iran, Yemen, Saudi Arabia, Nigeria, Uganda etc.
Homosexuality is not a mental disorder. Homosexuals are perfectly healthy people as far as their mental condition is concerned. Just like a heterosexual, a homosexual can also do any job. He can be an engineer, a doctor, scientist, lawyer, journalist, teacher, fashion designer, businessman, pilot, CA, sportsman, actor, politician, minister, governor, and even a king. Medical science has declared that homosexuality is 100% same and as natural as heterosexuality with no difference between them. Just like it is normal for a heterosexual man to get attracted towards a woman and for a heterosexual woman to get attracted towards a man, it is also perfectly normal and natural for a man who has taken birth as a homosexual to get sexually attracted to a man and for a lesbian to get attracted to a woman. The only difference between the two is that the number of homosexuals is very small in comparison to heterosexuals. However, being less in number does not mean that they have a mental disorder. The number of Parsis is very small in India and in the world. Are Parsis abnormal? The number of people who do not like Cricket in India is quite small. Has anybody ever said that such people have a mental disorder. Numerous such examples are there.
All these things need to be explained to the MP's before they go for voting on SSML They should also be told that not giving homosexuals their fundamental rights is a great social evil with very serious adverse consequence on the society.
The Constitution is supreme. The parliament has to work under the Constitution. For this reason, the makers of the Constitution developed Judiciary as an organ of democracy. They knew that times will come when the parliament will make anti-constitutional laws to please the majority and to get votes. At these times the judiciary was to keep a check on the parliament. All the laws made by the parliament are subject to scrutiny by the Supreme Court. When the Supreme Court finds that the parliamentarians have made a law which violates the constitution, it can overturn it. The judiciary does not have to get the votes of the masses. Therefore, it can reason, think logically and grant the Fundamental Rights to a single person against the wishes of one hundred persons.
In any society, about 2 to 3% people are born as homosexuals. Additionally, about 7 to 8% people are born as bisexuals. The total population of homosexuals and bisexuals in any country is about 10%. India, with an estimated population of about 140 crores, contains nearly 14 crore homosexuals and bisexuals, half of them men and half women. Nearly 4 crore homosexuals exist in India, 2 crore gay men and 2 crore lesbians. Similarly, India consists about 5 crore bisexual men and 5 crore bisexual women.
Indian heterosexuals have declared that being born as a gay or bisexual person is the most shameful thing on earth. They consider it more shameful than committing a murder or rape. Due to this reason, almost all of India’s gay and bisexual persons are living in closet. They are living in the garb of heterosexuals. This essentially means that not only they cannot marry with the person they want to, but they are also entangled in opposite-sex or the heterosexual marriages. About 99% of India’s 2 crore gay men are married to women and almost 100% of 2 crore lesbians are married to men. Not only the lives of about 2 crore gay men have been completely ruined but also of the 2 crore heterosexual women whom they are married to. About 2 crore Indian lesbians are raped every night for their whole lives by their ‘legalized’ husbands. The punishment for a single rape may be about 7 to 10 years jail term sometimes extending to life-long imprisonment. However, there is no punishment for this life-long rape of lesbians. Lives of 8 crore Indians have been completely destroyed, 4 crore of them being homosexuals and 4 crore heterosexuals. Yes, even the lives of 4 crore heterosexuals have been ruined. Why? Because the heterosexuals want to violate the fundamental rights of homosexuals at any cost. Further, India’s 10 crore bisexual man and women are all, in any case, married to opposite-sex persons whether they want it or not. To say it differently, India’s 10 crore heterosexuals are married to bisexuals which they would have never accepted willingly. These bisexuals, especially bisexual men, cheat with their spouses. They almost always cheat their wives and go to gay/bisexual men. The Indian heterosexuals are harming themselves in their zeal to hurt homosexuals.
This is the worst kind of slavery. India’s gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals are all slaves of heterosexuals. They have no other choice other than living as per the commandments of heterosexuals. A highly educated gay man with a post graduate degree or with a PhD in Science, Engg., Medicine or Law has to live as per the dictums of an illiterate daily wage labourer simply because this labourer is a heterosexual. He is the master of homosexuals. Unless he permits, even the most educated gay man cannot marry with his same-sex partner and enjoy his human right. The parliament will make a law for gay marriages only when he gives his consent. His opinion is supreme. As long as he does not agree, the constitution will keep on being violated.
This slavery is much worse than the slavery which the British imposed on us. The British were not interfering in any of our rights to life. They were just interested in our wealth and taking it away. It was basically an economic slavery for us. But the heterosexuals are taking away homosexuals’ right to life. The right to a life-partner is included in the right to life. Most humans want to spend their lives with a life-partner. They want company, togetherness, and affection from a person to whom they emotionally attached and they want to live with such a person under one roof all their lives and raise a family. Homosexuals are no different. They also have exactly the same desires. They also want to have a family. Not only humans but also many animals and birds live with their life partners. When a single animal of a particular species is left in a zoo, another animal of the opposite sex of the same species is brought from some other zoo to give company to it so that the single animal does not feel lonely. Sometimes such an animal is brought from a foreign country spending lakhs of Rupees. Recently 12 cheetahs were brought from South Africa and released in Kuno National Park and special care was taken so that about half of them are male and half female. However, right to a life-partner of homosexuals is violated. The homosexuals do not have an importance in the eyes of the Indian government even as an animal. It does not consider them more important than worms or insects. Such is the kind of slavery of homosexuals.
Recent research suggests that happily married people enjoy better health than single people. Those who are married tend to live longer, have fewer strokes and heart attacks, have a lower chance of becoming depressed, more likely to survive heart attacks, survive a major operation more often and consume less unhealthy food and alcohol.
The government of India does not give the right of marriage to homosexuals. With whom should they spend their lives then? One’s parents do not live for one’s lifetime. They will die. One’s brothers and sisters will be busy with their own lives. The Indian homosexuals, therefore, are destined to live a lonely life due to the adamancy of the government. As per the medical science, loneliness is silent killer. Human beings are thoroughly social creatures. Loneliness has a wide range of negative effects on both physical and mental health of humans and it takes a grave toll on their health. It has increased risk of heart attack, increased risk of having a stroke, increased risk of developing dementia and other serious medical conditions. Loneliness is a major risk factor for developing depression. It has been linked to insufficient sleep and increased mortality. It increases risk of premature death. It is even linked to higher rates of suicide.
Solitary confinement causing acute loneliness is the hardest punishment sometimes given to hardened criminals. Many times, it is considered violation of human rights even for the prisoners and Human Right Activists have opposed it around the world. The government of India, thus, is directly violating the Fundamental Right to Life of homosexuals.
Has any master in the history of earth ever given freedom on his own to his slave? We have fought about 90-year long war of independence against the British. What if the British had told us that they will themselves bring a bill for India’s independence in the House of Commons, get it passed and grant freedom to India and therefore the Indians need not protest against them? Would we have believed them? If not, then how can we hope that Indian parliament will ever make SSML and take homosexuals out of the clutches of heterosexuals? A slave always has to fight for his liberation and that is what the petitioners in this case are doing in the Supreme Court.
Not making a law to protect the Fundamental Rights of homosexuals is equivalent to making a law which violates the Constitution. Presently the parliament/ government is doing exactly that. The judiciary should, therefore, immediately come into action.
The Government of India does not have faith in the Constitution. We do not have faith in the Parliament.
Those who are advocating that only parliament can decide whether India should have SSML know it very well that parliament will never pass it. The government is strongly fighting against it today in the Supreme Court. What is the chance that tomorrow it will draft a bill for SSML and present it in the parliament for passing/ voting? No political party in India has ever talked about in last 75 years. It has never been on the agenda of any Indian party. No party has ever written about it in their election manifesto or declared their plan about it. The Supreme Court should understand this and should, therefore, order the government to bring SSML Bill in the parliament and get it passed. It is true that writing the draft of a new law is not the job of Supreme Court. However, it has powers to ask the government to do it.
In contrast, the Supreme Court of Nepal, a small and insignificant country in Asia, has done a commendable job and forced the Nepal Government to legalize same-sex marriages. Yes, Nepal has done it under the pressure from its Supreme Court. Although the Nepal Government succumbed to this pressure only in 2023, its SC had ordered it to enact SSML in 2007 itself, i.e., a full 16 years ago and it continuously kept building pressure on the Nepal government which finally bore fruit. In spite of the fact that there has been a political transition in Nepal during all these years and Nepal was re-writing its Constitution, this has been achieved. Here is the history of a fight for SSML in Nepal:
· On March 23, 2007, Nepal’s Supreme Court ordered the Nepali government to legally recognize same-sex marriages.
· On November 17, 2008, the Supreme Court made Nepal to consider legalizing same-sex marriages. The court asked the government to form a committee to study same-sex marriage laws in other countries.
· In February 2016, Nepal's National Human Rights Commission asked the government to introduce a bill to allow same-sex marriages.
· On 20 March 2023, the Supreme Court of Nepal ordered the Nepali government to recognize a same-sex marriage between a Nepali and a German citizen performed in Germany and directed the Federal Parliament to legalize same-sex marriages in Nepal. Judges also directed the government to draft legislation for full marriage equality in Nepal, declaring laws banning same-sex marriages to be unconstitutional and discriminatory. The court asked Nepal’s Ministry of Law and Justice to prepare an equal marriage law or amend existing laws to accommodate the principles of equal marriage.
· Nepal's Supreme Court on 2 May 2023, ordered Nepal Government to recognize the same-sex marriage between a Nepali man and his foreign husband and instructed the government to move towards the legalization of same-sex marriages. The Court ruled that failure to recognize same-sex spouses violates Nepal’s Constitution and its international human rights obligations.
· On 30 November 2023, Nepal formally registered the first case of same-sex marriage. With this historic move, Nepal has become the second Asian Nation (first being Taiwan) and the first South Asian nation and to do so. The marriage between Ram Bahadur Gurung, 36, and Surendra Pandey, 26, was formally registered at the Dordi rural municipality office in the Lumjung district in west Nepal.
· On 12 February 2024, Anju Devi Shrestha, a resident of Bardiya district in western Nepal and Suprita Gurung, a resident of Syangja district, both 33, scripted history by becoming the first lesbian couple in Nepal to officially register their marriage at Jamuna Rural Municipality of Bardiya district.
· Nepal government intends to pass a separate law on same-sex marriages currently being drafted by the Ministry of Women, Children and Social Welfare.
But unfortunately, The Supreme Court of India has already succumbed to the pressure of the Indian government and dismissed all the 18 petitions filed before it. Why India’s Supreme Court is so helpless and so weak when the Supreme Court of a small country like Nepal can assert itself?
. . . . . .
It is said that only 34 countries have made SSML. Out of 195 countries, 34 is a big number in this matter. It is not ‘only’. OK, how many countries should do it before India follows suit? How do we calculate it? What is the formula? Will India do it only when all other counties have done it except India? Is it necessary to be the last when it comes to doing good things? India always remains in the front in doing bad things. It is one of the leading countries in corruption. India’s crime rate is one of the highest in the world. Indian businessmen indulge in profiteering, over-charging, less weighing, adulteration, hoarding, tax evasion and following all unethical business practices. But in doing good things, India wants to remain a back-bencher.
Why did The Netherlands make SSML in 2001 becoming the first country to do it? Why did Denmark made Same-sex Partnership Law as early as in 1989 (which was later renamed as SSML in 2012)? These countries never thought why should they do it when no other country had done it. No good work would ever be done if we keep looking towards one-another not to be the first. Why does India want to prove that The Netherlands and Denmark are superior countries and India is inferior? It cannot even think to match them.
It has also been said that SSML has been made in most of these 34 countries by the government / legislature rather than the judiciary. However, we need to keep in mind that these 34 are developed, civilized and educated countries whose citizens respect the rights of minorities and do not infringe upon them. These are truly democratic countries having high regards for right to equality.
India, on the contrary, is a false, flawed and pseudo-democracy. When Lalu Prasad Yadav go to jail in a corruption case, his totally un-lettered wife who has been confined to family’s kitchen all her life becomes the Chief Minister. One third of the members of India’s parliament and state assemblies have criminal cases against them. Here elections are fought on the basis of caste, region and religion using money and muscle power. When India’s robbers and dacoits, murderers, kidnappers, rapists and extortionists give-up crime for some reason, what do they do? They become MP’s and MLA’s. What human rights can be discussed with likes of Atique Ahmed, Mohd. Shahabuddin, Mukhtar Ansari, Phoolan Devi, Santokben Jadeja and Kuldeep Singh Sengar?
Indian population has a high degree of illiteracy. The citizens do not respect others’ rights and interfere in the internal affairs of their fellow countrymen. They do not understand the laws of nature and interfere in the acts of God. They force others to live as per their whims and fancies. When they find that the others are not living as per their commands, they will thrash, hit, beat, kick, attack, lynch and kill them. Indian heterosexuals have extreme hatred for homosexuals. They ridicule them, laugh at them, hate them, condemn them, shun them and ostracize them. It’s a far cry to expect from them that they will give equal rights to homosexuals. India’s right to equality will remain only on paper if left to people / parliament.
The argument that the SSML has been made in other countries by the government and not the Judiciary goes only against those who are giving this argument. When the legislature of so many countries has already discussed the issue and upheld it, what does India expect to achieve by again discussing it? Why should we reinvent the wheel? Is there any country whose parliament took up this issue and rejected it? No. Then why do we need to take the matter again and waste time.
The question is not who has done it in 34 countries, the Government or the Judiciary. The real question is whether SSML is right or wrong. And we already know the answer.
. . . . . .
The Special Marriage Act, 1954 was essentially made for heterosexuals. Tweaking (fine-tuning) it to suit it to homosexuals also is not practical. Almost each clause of the act will have to have two paras if we do that. One for heterosexuals and the other for homosexuals. As an example, in the heterosexual marriages, a man gives maintenance to his wife if divorce happens and not the vice versa. This provision cannot be used in homosexual marriages. A new provision will be required. Similarly, in the Domestic Violence Act, 2005 (which is closely related to heterosexual marriages) there is provision to punish a man if he does cruelty to his wife but there is no provision to proceed against a woman if she does cruelty to her husband. This cannot be applied to homosexual marriages. For such reasons, a completely new law (SSML) is required to be written. Whereas heterosexual marriage laws depend on the religion of the man/woman getting married, SSML will be the same irrespective of the religion of the persons getting married. Whether the two homosexuals getting married are Hindus, Muslims or one is Hindu and the other is Muslim, the same law will govern their marriage. The issues of divorce, succession/inheritance can be handled either by studying the gay marriage laws of other countries or by adopting the best practices of Hindu Marriage Act 1955, Muslim Personal Law 1937, The Indian Christian Marriage Act 1872, The Anand Marriage Act, 1909, and the Parsi Marriage and Divorce Act, 1936 etc.
The issue of adoption is unrelated to marriage. It can be decided later on. Not all gay/lesbian couples will adopt. It will not be correct, therefore, to refuse/delay SSML If we cannot decide whether to allow gay couples to adopt. They cannot be stopped from marriage itself if the issue is pending. The same is true for surrogacy. As long as we do not decide the adoption/surrogacy issues, married gay couples can be considered as unmarried for this purpose and the provision used for single people can be applied on them.
2024.05.02 12:05 russellmzauner I'm tired of retyping this all the time, so I'll just put it here and refer to it.
Whatever you do, use SUNFLOWER lecithin
it matters
I only use about 4.3g per lasagna pan of bar cookies (on average, I quit weighing after a while) and nobody is ever disappointed; it's also super easy to do.
If you clarify your butter you won't have high moisture content and your cookies will also sit on the counter for a few weeks without turning into rocks. I learned that the hard way - never again. If your butter is hard when it comes out the fridge, your moisture content is low; if it is mushy, remelt and harden again, this time in a quieter place so the water doesn't mix back in while ripening (like home made ice cream).
submitted by russellmzauner to u/russellmzauner [link] [comments]
it matters
I only use about 4.3g per lasagna pan of bar cookies (on average, I quit weighing after a while) and nobody is ever disappointed; it's also super easy to do.
- 4oz jelly jars and everclear (190 proof clear grain alcohol)
- jar up smalls/b buds to the line (DON'T GRIND IT, just bust up bigger buds into smalls), cover with everclear
- shake until emerald green
- strain into simmering water
- throw in 3 sticks of (SALTED) butter and let it clarify (salted butter is important, chemically - you do not need to wait for ethanol to evap off, it works bettefaster if you just stick it in)
- once clarified (~20 min of gentle simmering) pour off and refrigerate undisturbed overnight
- retrieve your butter puck and rinse off the goopy crap on the bottom with cool water, it's greasy but doesn't contain anything you want and it will really lower the quality of edibles to leave it in
- I make bar cookies, and adjust the oats to make the right consistency; since they're bar cookies, they are easy to measure dose as well as wrap and store
- get sunflower lecithin, as far as amount I use a couple tablesspoons of the dry powdered lecithin mixed in with the powdered ingredients - it increases bioavailability by 50%-150% - that's how I get away using barely over an eighth per 60 1" squares from a lasagna pan. I can make about 7 pans of cookies off one ounce in this way.
- old post that's not real coherent but I still use the same cookie recipe https://www.reddit.com/treedibles/comments/hgnte3/oatmeal_scotchies_pennywise_11_from_bud_to/
- the cannabis activates twice during the process - once at 212F in the water bath and again in the oven at 375-400 for 18-20 minutes (long enough for the eggs to work) then left to cool on the counter for two hours - if you've tried eating any bar cookie before it's cool you'll understand that it's sitting there activating for two hours while cooling, temperature is temperature it doesn't matter where it is.
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1 tablespoon pumpkin pie spice (or any of the cinnamon/nutmeg combos you like)
- 2 tablespoons SUNFLOWER lecithin (soy and egg lecithin are different)
- 1 batch of butter made my way (roughly 2.4-2.7 sticks, depending on solid content and water percentage of original butter)
- 1 1/2 cup brown sugar
- 2 large eggs
- 1 tablespoon real vanilla extract
- up to 5 cups oats (start with 3 then add as needed till dough is right)
- 1 2/3 cups (11-oz. pkg.) Butterscotch Flavored Morsels
- THEN
- Lightly grease or not a 15”x10” jelly-roll or lasagna pan for (40) 2”x2” bars
- OR
- Lightly grease or don't a 13”x10” pan for (60) 1.5”x1.5” bars
- THEN CRAM BATTER IN PAN EVENLY
- 375°F for 18-22 min, I usually turn off the oven at 17 min or so and always grab them at 18 minutes - they will NOT be firm, you MUST let them sit (a couple hours, usually). I usually grab a spoon and test out the fresh pan because i usually just can't wait lol SOOOOOO GGGOOOOODD
If you clarify your butter you won't have high moisture content and your cookies will also sit on the counter for a few weeks without turning into rocks. I learned that the hard way - never again. If your butter is hard when it comes out the fridge, your moisture content is low; if it is mushy, remelt and harden again, this time in a quieter place so the water doesn't mix back in while ripening (like home made ice cream).
2024.05.02 11:19 tcajun420 Louisiana Rep. Newell cannabis adult use bill passes House Judiciary Committee
 | DIGEST The digest printed below was prepared by House Legislative Services. It constitutes no part of the legislative instrument. submitted by tcajun420 to Louisiana [link] [comments] The keyword, one-liner, abstract, and digest do not constitute part of the law or proof or indicia of legislative intent. HB 54 Original 2024 Regular Session Newell Abstract: Provides for the regulation of the cultivation, manufacture, and retail sale of cannabis and cannabis products. Proposed law authorizes the Dept. of Agriculture and Forestry to create and issue up to 10 cannabis production facility licenses. Proposed law defines "applicant", "bureau", "cannabis", "commissioner", "criminal history record information", "cultivate", or "cultivating", "department", "FBI", "licensee", "licensure", "permit", "permittee", "production facility", and "retailer". Proposed law requires applicants and subcontractors to undergo a state and national criminal background check and prohibits the department from issuing a license or approving a contract if the applicant, subcontractor, or any officer, director, or person with a 5% or more economic interest in the license has been convicted of or entered a guilty or nolo contendere plea for certain criminal offenses. Proposed law requires each applicant of a production facility license and a retailer permit to pay an application fee not to exceed $2,500, which will cover administrative costs, and each production facility licensee to pay an annual license fee not to exceed $100,000. Proposed law requires each production facility licensee to pay a suitability fee, which will be paid to the La. State Police, gaming enforcement section for the purpose of investigating a chosen licensee's qualifications and an annual $50 permit fee for each person employed in the operation or supervision of the licensee's operation. Proposed law requires the department to develop rules for the issuing of licenses based on a minimum criteria of the following: (1) Population distribution of the state. (2) Applicants who have resided in this state or owned the property on which the production facility will be located for at least five years prior to the effective date of this Act and have a stake of at least fifty-one percent ownership in the property. Proposed law prohibits licensees from selling or transferring their license to another person that has not been an La. resident for at least five years prior to the sale or transfer or to an entity that does not have an ownership group made up of at least 51% of La. residents residing in the state at least five years prior to the sale or transfer. Proposed law prohibits anyone from being licensed, or to contract, to cultivate, process, transport, or sale cannabis or cannabis products in the state that has been disqualified on the basis of the following: (1) Has been convicted or entered a plea of guilty or nolo contendere for any of the following: (a) Theft or attempted theft, illegal possession of stolen things, or any offense or attempt involving the misappropriation of property or funds within five years from the date of application. (b) Any offense involving fraud or attempted fraud or false statements or declarations within five years from the date of application. (c) A crime of violence as defined in present law (R.S. 14:2(B)). (d) Any offense involving Schedule I narcotics, provided the offense was not marijuana related. (2) There is a current prosecution or pending charge against the person in any jurisdiction for any offense listed in proposed law. (3) Fails to provide information and documentation to reveal any fact material to a suitability determination or supplies information which is untrue or misleading as to a material fact pertaining to the suitability criteria. Proposed law allows for the transportation of cannabis and cannabis products in limited situations between licensees and establishes a $250 contract carrier permit fee for any third party contracting with a licensee for the purpose of transporting cannabis and cannabis products. Proposed law provides for civil penalties up to $50,000 per violation per day based upon ruling of the commissioner of agriculture. Proposed law clarifies that proposed law does not interfere with the rights of medical marijuana patients or licensed medical marijuana production facilities and requires the department to issue a production facility license to any current therapeutic marijuana license holder. Proposed law requires the commissioner of the office of alcohol and tobacco control to issue cannabis retailer permits and requires such a permit prior to selling cannabis or cannabis products. Specifies that the retailer permit is valid for a two-year period. Limits the number of permits to be issued in the state to 40 total and requires no more than five per regional planning area of the state, but provides for situations where the commissioner may increase the total permits issued. Proposed law requires an initial retailer permit fee not to exceed $100,000, which may be reduced by the commissioner if the population distribution is limited, and an annual renewal fee of $50,000 every year thereafter. Proposed law requires applicants for a retailer permit to be at least 21 years of age or older, and prohibits anyone under the age of 21 from working in or entering the premises of a retailer. Requires any employee of a retailer to furnish verification to the permittee that the same suitability requirements as the permittee are met. Proposed law restricts production facilities and retail locations from being located in a "drug free zone". Proposed law includes additional restrictions, including the following prohibitions: (1) Selling more than one ounce of cannabis or cannabis products to any individual per calendar day. (2) Selling cannabis or cannabis products to persons under the age of 21. Requires certain forms of identification to be presented to the retailer. (3) Selling cannabis or cannabis products on the internet. (4) Giving away or selling any consumable that is not cannabis or cannabis products, including but not limited to, tobacco and alcohol products. (5) Selling any products or services other than cannabis or cannabis products. (6) Providing or permitting entertainment of any kind on the premises. (7) Permitting prostitution on the premises. Proposed law outlines acceptable forms of identification for consumers to provide to retailers. Proposed law authorizes the commissioner of alcohol and tobacco control to revoke or suspend permits for violations of proposed law. Establishes fines and penalties ranging from $2,500 to $10,000 and from six months to five years of jail time. https://www.legis.la.gov/legis/ViewDocument.aspx?d=1366972 |
2024.05.02 01:23 karem-marie Can’t stand current living situation due to NFH
I have been living in my current apartment since late 2020. On October 2021 a tenant moved downstairs from my unit and it has been hell. She smokes cigarette and weed at all hours and the smell travels up the second floor into my unit. I’ve gotten door drafts and air purifier which doesn’t help much.
There has been a lot of ongoing issues with this NFH for the past 2 years. This is small apartment complex with 9 units total and even smaller parking lot. There are a total of 9 parking spaces one for each tenant. NFH has visitors that come every day at all hours of day and night occupying our parking spaces. There has been days that her visitor are occupying 3-4 parking spaces and even times when they block tenants car. After many complaints from all tenants management solution was getting a contract with a tow truck company and setting up parking stickers for tenants cars ( which we had to pay). Towing truck didn’t help much because they take hours to come when you call and the few times they have come to tow a visitor car she comes out with cocodrile tears saying “I didn’t know” giving any excuse in the book which ends with cars not getting towed. They move the car wait a few minutes and then they park on the lot.
The other issue has been her visitors in the parking lot. When they visit they party and they litter. They leave their trash on the floor that includes: food, alcohol cans, used condoms and blunts on the floor when there’s a huge dumpster on the lot but I guess leaving the trash on floor is acceptable for them.
Another issues is when NFH is babysitting her many grandchildren. They are left unsupervised. They roam around the common areas go up the second and third floor and play unsupervised on the common areas and parking lot. Some of the things they do is get on top of tenants cars, they jump from one car to the next, they hide behind cars and wait until somebody is pulling out of the space to run behind the car, play baseball with rocks, they also took all the tomatoes from a tenant garden and threw them at our cars and on the floor. They are also always yelling and screaming when visiting and leaving trash, food and broken toys on the floor of the parking lot and common areas including hallways.
The other main issues with this NFH are the parties and loud music being played for long hours after quiet time. NFH has parties almost every weekend way past 11pm which is past the lease and city ordinance. The apartment building is old so there’s not good insolation nor its properly soundproofed. When NFH plays her stereo I can hear music including the bass in my entire unit. It gets so loud that the vibrations are felt in the floors, walls, furniture and bed. I work from home a few days a week and there are time that she cranks up the stereo during the day and plays music for an average of 8-10 continuous hours.
The music is so loud that it affects my ability to work, sleep or even enjoy my apartment. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells because I don’t know when the music or party will start. The loud noise and party have negatively affected me with an increase anxiety and migraines.
Myself and other tenants for the past 2 year have sent multiple complain to management about NFH with pictures and video evidence of multiple lease violations. For the most part management response has not been the best. They give NFH lease violation notices which does nothing because she repeats the same violations. Once NFH receives a lease violation notice she would confront tenants about the notice and ask who made the complaint against her.
I made the mistake of asking her directly to turn off the music once on a weekday at 1am and other times as well when its been past the 10 hour mark of music playing non stop. For the most part she knows it’s me making noise complaints. Last time I asked NFH to turn music down she got on my face and became verbally combative towards me which I informed management about. I’ve tried everything I can from my end from noise cancelling headphones, different type of earplugs, noise machine, getting rugs and those velcro sound proof things for the wall at my expense with no success because the vibration and bass can be heard and felt.
After multiple complains to management they decided to not renew her lease. Her lease ended at the end of September with an end date in sight I renewed my lease. I guess I was naive in thinking things would get better. The loud parties and music continued to the point that happened multiple times during the week (weekday and weekend). Management response after multiple complaints was that they done all they could with the intent of non-renewal and they would only proceed with eviction was with a police report. I expressed my concern with her combativeness but their response stayed the same.
End of March was my breaking point when I was awaken at 1am because NFH decided that was a good time to start partying. I took video evidence as usual but around 2am I had enough so I called the police and asked to stay anonymous. The police came about 10 minutes after making the call,they knocked on her door and told her to turn off the stereo. 15 minutes after the police left NFH went up to second floor to my door and started hitting it with her fist and kicking it while screaming verbal threat because I called the police on her. She then started hitting my walls, went back to her unit and started hitting the ceiling with a broom. I have cameras inside my unit so her aggression was recorded.
I talked to the police the next day and they said I could do a harassment order again her but that would requiere putting my information on file which I am hesitant on doing because I did not want more issues. I live by myself and she has many visitor coming in and out that still that make me feel unsafe.
I sent all my evidence to management and included what the police told me. Management then finally proceeded to serve NFH with a 7 day notice to quit. Before she got served I stayed with a friend because I did not feel safe and was told by another tenant that NFH was hiding around the dumpster area with 2 males looking into my unit. We are all close, the tenants in the building and they are all aware of what happened. I decided to come back to my place because I have a cat and I don’t like leaving her alone all night.
After NFH got served she called management and per their report NFH wanted to cooperate and did not want any more “trouble” with me and that she did not want to go to court because she did not want to be homeless nor lose her section 8 voucher. NFH informed them that her move out day would be May 1. I was given the option to break my lease as well which I still have not given management a response about my lease since I thought I could wait until May1.
Well it’s May 1 and I decided to reach out to management asking for an update because I didn’t see any moving movement from NFH. Management informed me that now tenant has a proposed move out date before June 1 because the apartment she found is on hold. A tenant told me that she told him she was waiting on some money to pay the broker fee. I think all she is saying is bs.
After a lot of communicating with management today about them not informing me before hand and wanting a guarantee that she will in fact move out and what was their plan to enforce a move out. They stated that NFH has an open court case with them but that a court date has not been assigned. They stated that NFH decided to move out and that if she does not move by propose date they will continue to pursue the eviction. But I feel like this could go on for months and that she will continue to come up with excuses to extend her time here.
I like my place, especially the rent price it’s the only things that has kept me here. I have the means to move I just rather not use that money if I don’t have to and I don’t want to pay a couple hundreds more on rent someplace else but I’ve also had enough. Its been 2 1/2 year of living hell with her combativeness, threats, party, music, parking issues, littering, issues with her visitors and the smell that is always in my unit. Not to mention the emotional distress I feel with my safety being threatened and even though I have safety measures in place it’s exhausting to always have my guard up. Management has been horrible in handling the situation. Idk I guess I’m looking for some opinions on the matter.
Thanks,
submitted by karem-marie to neighborsfromhell [link] [comments]
There has been a lot of ongoing issues with this NFH for the past 2 years. This is small apartment complex with 9 units total and even smaller parking lot. There are a total of 9 parking spaces one for each tenant. NFH has visitors that come every day at all hours of day and night occupying our parking spaces. There has been days that her visitor are occupying 3-4 parking spaces and even times when they block tenants car. After many complaints from all tenants management solution was getting a contract with a tow truck company and setting up parking stickers for tenants cars ( which we had to pay). Towing truck didn’t help much because they take hours to come when you call and the few times they have come to tow a visitor car she comes out with cocodrile tears saying “I didn’t know” giving any excuse in the book which ends with cars not getting towed. They move the car wait a few minutes and then they park on the lot.
The other issue has been her visitors in the parking lot. When they visit they party and they litter. They leave their trash on the floor that includes: food, alcohol cans, used condoms and blunts on the floor when there’s a huge dumpster on the lot but I guess leaving the trash on floor is acceptable for them.
Another issues is when NFH is babysitting her many grandchildren. They are left unsupervised. They roam around the common areas go up the second and third floor and play unsupervised on the common areas and parking lot. Some of the things they do is get on top of tenants cars, they jump from one car to the next, they hide behind cars and wait until somebody is pulling out of the space to run behind the car, play baseball with rocks, they also took all the tomatoes from a tenant garden and threw them at our cars and on the floor. They are also always yelling and screaming when visiting and leaving trash, food and broken toys on the floor of the parking lot and common areas including hallways.
The other main issues with this NFH are the parties and loud music being played for long hours after quiet time. NFH has parties almost every weekend way past 11pm which is past the lease and city ordinance. The apartment building is old so there’s not good insolation nor its properly soundproofed. When NFH plays her stereo I can hear music including the bass in my entire unit. It gets so loud that the vibrations are felt in the floors, walls, furniture and bed. I work from home a few days a week and there are time that she cranks up the stereo during the day and plays music for an average of 8-10 continuous hours.
The music is so loud that it affects my ability to work, sleep or even enjoy my apartment. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells because I don’t know when the music or party will start. The loud noise and party have negatively affected me with an increase anxiety and migraines.
Myself and other tenants for the past 2 year have sent multiple complain to management about NFH with pictures and video evidence of multiple lease violations. For the most part management response has not been the best. They give NFH lease violation notices which does nothing because she repeats the same violations. Once NFH receives a lease violation notice she would confront tenants about the notice and ask who made the complaint against her.
I made the mistake of asking her directly to turn off the music once on a weekday at 1am and other times as well when its been past the 10 hour mark of music playing non stop. For the most part she knows it’s me making noise complaints. Last time I asked NFH to turn music down she got on my face and became verbally combative towards me which I informed management about. I’ve tried everything I can from my end from noise cancelling headphones, different type of earplugs, noise machine, getting rugs and those velcro sound proof things for the wall at my expense with no success because the vibration and bass can be heard and felt.
After multiple complains to management they decided to not renew her lease. Her lease ended at the end of September with an end date in sight I renewed my lease. I guess I was naive in thinking things would get better. The loud parties and music continued to the point that happened multiple times during the week (weekday and weekend). Management response after multiple complaints was that they done all they could with the intent of non-renewal and they would only proceed with eviction was with a police report. I expressed my concern with her combativeness but their response stayed the same.
End of March was my breaking point when I was awaken at 1am because NFH decided that was a good time to start partying. I took video evidence as usual but around 2am I had enough so I called the police and asked to stay anonymous. The police came about 10 minutes after making the call,they knocked on her door and told her to turn off the stereo. 15 minutes after the police left NFH went up to second floor to my door and started hitting it with her fist and kicking it while screaming verbal threat because I called the police on her. She then started hitting my walls, went back to her unit and started hitting the ceiling with a broom. I have cameras inside my unit so her aggression was recorded.
I talked to the police the next day and they said I could do a harassment order again her but that would requiere putting my information on file which I am hesitant on doing because I did not want more issues. I live by myself and she has many visitor coming in and out that still that make me feel unsafe.
I sent all my evidence to management and included what the police told me. Management then finally proceeded to serve NFH with a 7 day notice to quit. Before she got served I stayed with a friend because I did not feel safe and was told by another tenant that NFH was hiding around the dumpster area with 2 males looking into my unit. We are all close, the tenants in the building and they are all aware of what happened. I decided to come back to my place because I have a cat and I don’t like leaving her alone all night.
After NFH got served she called management and per their report NFH wanted to cooperate and did not want any more “trouble” with me and that she did not want to go to court because she did not want to be homeless nor lose her section 8 voucher. NFH informed them that her move out day would be May 1. I was given the option to break my lease as well which I still have not given management a response about my lease since I thought I could wait until May1.
Well it’s May 1 and I decided to reach out to management asking for an update because I didn’t see any moving movement from NFH. Management informed me that now tenant has a proposed move out date before June 1 because the apartment she found is on hold. A tenant told me that she told him she was waiting on some money to pay the broker fee. I think all she is saying is bs.
After a lot of communicating with management today about them not informing me before hand and wanting a guarantee that she will in fact move out and what was their plan to enforce a move out. They stated that NFH has an open court case with them but that a court date has not been assigned. They stated that NFH decided to move out and that if she does not move by propose date they will continue to pursue the eviction. But I feel like this could go on for months and that she will continue to come up with excuses to extend her time here.
I like my place, especially the rent price it’s the only things that has kept me here. I have the means to move I just rather not use that money if I don’t have to and I don’t want to pay a couple hundreds more on rent someplace else but I’ve also had enough. Its been 2 1/2 year of living hell with her combativeness, threats, party, music, parking issues, littering, issues with her visitors and the smell that is always in my unit. Not to mention the emotional distress I feel with my safety being threatened and even though I have safety measures in place it’s exhausting to always have my guard up. Management has been horrible in handling the situation. Idk I guess I’m looking for some opinions on the matter.
Thanks,
2024.05.02 00:02 Ok_Conversation_9737 I'm sorry this is long, I am categorically dismissed by the medical community because I'm a woman.
I am 43 and don't know how to get decent medical care. I have multiple health issues that took YEARS of dismissals and being told I was a hypochondriac, had Munchausens, was a drug seeker etc to even get diagnosed. But even when I finally get answers doctors STILL dismiss me and even with concrete test results in hand it's always "maybe if you lost weight everything would be fine". I have Fibromyalgia, moderate osteoarthritis, congestive heart failure, non alcoholic fatty liver disease auto immune related, non diabetic neuropathy, Mixed Connective Tissue Disease, I've had an infected gallbladder that needed emergency removal (after 5 months of being incredibly sick and sent home with anxiety meds and called a bulimic and hypochondriac) as well as a massive pulmonary embolism that almost killed me. But it's all because I'm fat or lying or a woman right?
So I fell in January, hit my head on concrete and had a concussion. I wasn't allowed to work until a neurologist cleared me. The exam from her was exactly what I've come to expect from the medical community: half assed and very dismissive of anything not right. She did a physical test where she didn't even give me time to complete her instructions before saying "good!" And moving right to the next instruction. The "comprehensive" exam started at 11:42 and she was done at 11:43 lol. She went super fast, didn't even seem to give a f**k if I could do what she asked, rushed the instructions which was confusing, and then said I scored perfect.
3 months later I'm still struggling with memory, I sleep way too much, my left side in general has slower reaction, I'm dropping stuff, have issues with not feeling when I have to use the bathroom until its an emergency and I have speech troubles. I was referred for weekly speech therapy (by this neurologist who said my exam was "perfect" lol - so perfect I need speech therapy?) but the speech therapists office completely ghosted me after the initial assessment and multiple calls, messages, and even using the automated appointment system didn't get a follow up call or visit.
When I fell the CT scans also found my thyroid is enlarged and there's a 7 mm calcified nodule in the right lobe. The ER people didn't tell me, like usual I had to find out by reading my own test results. This is yet another issue I've had for years. Tests for one thing will show other things but the doctors don't tell me and I find out only by looking at my online chart. I've so far had to find out on my own about 1) two ovarian cysts at different times on different sides, (I have had 12 or more ovarian cysts over the years and sometimes they are large, but drs never treat them and several have burst which is painful as heck.) 2) a cyst that calcified in my lung, (I think it was a cyst, they refused to check) 3) a 9 mm cyst in my right kidney 4) four bulging and slipped discs in my lower spine 5) the enlarged thyroid 6) the nodule in my thyroid 7) congestive heart failure.
But I was at least able to talk the neurologist into giving me a referral for endocrinology to have my thyroid checked. Now I've had ongoing symptoms of thyroid disease including a f*****g goiter for over 20 years but my basic hormone levels are always low normal so no doctor will do any further testing EVER. So sadly I was actually super excited that my thyroid was enlarged and that I had a nodule because stupid me, I thought "FINALLY, I will get answers, because there's irrefutable PROOF something is wrong with my thyroid!" HA was I dumb.
I scheduled with one of the top endocrinologists at the Cleveland Clinic. I walk in to my appointment and he asks why I'm there. I tell him what the CT showed and he started asking me about family history with thyroid disease. (Paternal aunt had hers removed, maternal aunt had thyroid cancer, a cousin from a different maternal aunt had part of hers removed, and one of my maternal aunts has hypothyroid disease) he waves his hand and says NONE of that matters and has absolutely no bearing on me because they aren't close relatives. Then he asks my symptoms: (all getting slowly worse since I was 16 years old) chronic fatigue, hair loss and thinning, body cannot regulate temperature, facial hair growth, feeling like something is stuck in my throat constantly, trouble swallowing, choking on food, I can't lose weight no matter what I try (and believe me, ive tried a lot and actually had faure to thrive as a kid and was so underweight they had me on ensure drinks until i was 12) and never have been able to since i started slowly gaining at 12- and thats where he stopped me.
He ignored the rest of my symptoms and the visit was basically over at that point because he found the answer! I'm fat lol. But! Never fear! In a couple years he truly believes Wegovy and Ozempic will be covered by Medicaid and I'll FINALLY have ALL my problems fixed because I'll be able to lose weight! Literally the entire rest of the appointment he talked NONSTOP about Wegovy and Ozempic and kept "reassuring" me that's ALL I need. Any time I tried to say anything he cut me off to keep talking about those two drugs. He did a quick ultrasound of my thyroid, found it's definitely pretty enlarged and irregular, found the nodule but didn't even measure it and dismissed it as a cyst after half a second: "I don't see anyth- oh its a cyst" and he immediately moved the wand.
Then I got my basic hormones checked lol. They came back low normal. I messaged him through MyChart and asked since basic hormones are "normal" but I have all these symptoms, choke on food, feel awful, have an embarrassing and uncomfortable GOITER, AND a cyst AND my thyroid is enlarged, what is the next step? He literally responded: "the cyst is clinically insignificant, almost everyone has them" ignored all the other symptoms and never responded again.
Y'all I'm sorry this is such a long post but dammit if this hasn't been basically every doctors appointment since I was 16. I'm 43, I go to work, fight through constant pain and fatigue to do my job, go home and nap for 4 hours, make dinner and eat and go to bed. That's my life. I'm in constant level 6 pain scale pain even with meds and CBD creams, I sh*t myself, I occasionally wet the bed, I pee when I sneeze or cough, I walk into walls and trip on air, I choke on my own spit, I cant lose weight and the scale has been stuck at 265 for 17 years. It goes up or down a couple pounds and immediately goes back to 265. I drop stuff all the time, fall several times a year from balance issues, can never sleep enough, and all of this got even worse after the concussion.
And no matter what medical issues is found and no matter what doctor I go to, it's downplayed to me being fat, or a hypochondriac. I can not go to the doctor for ANYTHING for 3 YEARS, and as soon as I have a medical issue: DRUG SEEKING FAT HYPOCHONDRIAC!!!
I'm so tired. I struggle to stay awake to do stuff with my kids, I missed part of my daughter's wedding reception because I had to lay down, I fall asleep sitting up at the dinner table, this is not normal!! Why are doctors so horrible to women?? Even women doctors!! The last female PCP I had heard everything I was going through and told me to make a big pot of cabbage soup and eat that throughout the day to lose weight and I'd feel better. Wtf. I worry I'm going to die before I'm 50 of something undiagnosed at this point. Does anyone have any advice?
submitted by Ok_Conversation_9737 to ChronicIllness [link] [comments]
So I fell in January, hit my head on concrete and had a concussion. I wasn't allowed to work until a neurologist cleared me. The exam from her was exactly what I've come to expect from the medical community: half assed and very dismissive of anything not right. She did a physical test where she didn't even give me time to complete her instructions before saying "good!" And moving right to the next instruction. The "comprehensive" exam started at 11:42 and she was done at 11:43 lol. She went super fast, didn't even seem to give a f**k if I could do what she asked, rushed the instructions which was confusing, and then said I scored perfect.
3 months later I'm still struggling with memory, I sleep way too much, my left side in general has slower reaction, I'm dropping stuff, have issues with not feeling when I have to use the bathroom until its an emergency and I have speech troubles. I was referred for weekly speech therapy (by this neurologist who said my exam was "perfect" lol - so perfect I need speech therapy?) but the speech therapists office completely ghosted me after the initial assessment and multiple calls, messages, and even using the automated appointment system didn't get a follow up call or visit.
When I fell the CT scans also found my thyroid is enlarged and there's a 7 mm calcified nodule in the right lobe. The ER people didn't tell me, like usual I had to find out by reading my own test results. This is yet another issue I've had for years. Tests for one thing will show other things but the doctors don't tell me and I find out only by looking at my online chart. I've so far had to find out on my own about 1) two ovarian cysts at different times on different sides, (I have had 12 or more ovarian cysts over the years and sometimes they are large, but drs never treat them and several have burst which is painful as heck.) 2) a cyst that calcified in my lung, (I think it was a cyst, they refused to check) 3) a 9 mm cyst in my right kidney 4) four bulging and slipped discs in my lower spine 5) the enlarged thyroid 6) the nodule in my thyroid 7) congestive heart failure.
But I was at least able to talk the neurologist into giving me a referral for endocrinology to have my thyroid checked. Now I've had ongoing symptoms of thyroid disease including a f*****g goiter for over 20 years but my basic hormone levels are always low normal so no doctor will do any further testing EVER. So sadly I was actually super excited that my thyroid was enlarged and that I had a nodule because stupid me, I thought "FINALLY, I will get answers, because there's irrefutable PROOF something is wrong with my thyroid!" HA was I dumb.
I scheduled with one of the top endocrinologists at the Cleveland Clinic. I walk in to my appointment and he asks why I'm there. I tell him what the CT showed and he started asking me about family history with thyroid disease. (Paternal aunt had hers removed, maternal aunt had thyroid cancer, a cousin from a different maternal aunt had part of hers removed, and one of my maternal aunts has hypothyroid disease) he waves his hand and says NONE of that matters and has absolutely no bearing on me because they aren't close relatives. Then he asks my symptoms: (all getting slowly worse since I was 16 years old) chronic fatigue, hair loss and thinning, body cannot regulate temperature, facial hair growth, feeling like something is stuck in my throat constantly, trouble swallowing, choking on food, I can't lose weight no matter what I try (and believe me, ive tried a lot and actually had faure to thrive as a kid and was so underweight they had me on ensure drinks until i was 12) and never have been able to since i started slowly gaining at 12- and thats where he stopped me.
He ignored the rest of my symptoms and the visit was basically over at that point because he found the answer! I'm fat lol. But! Never fear! In a couple years he truly believes Wegovy and Ozempic will be covered by Medicaid and I'll FINALLY have ALL my problems fixed because I'll be able to lose weight! Literally the entire rest of the appointment he talked NONSTOP about Wegovy and Ozempic and kept "reassuring" me that's ALL I need. Any time I tried to say anything he cut me off to keep talking about those two drugs. He did a quick ultrasound of my thyroid, found it's definitely pretty enlarged and irregular, found the nodule but didn't even measure it and dismissed it as a cyst after half a second: "I don't see anyth- oh its a cyst" and he immediately moved the wand.
Then I got my basic hormones checked lol. They came back low normal. I messaged him through MyChart and asked since basic hormones are "normal" but I have all these symptoms, choke on food, feel awful, have an embarrassing and uncomfortable GOITER, AND a cyst AND my thyroid is enlarged, what is the next step? He literally responded: "the cyst is clinically insignificant, almost everyone has them" ignored all the other symptoms and never responded again.
Y'all I'm sorry this is such a long post but dammit if this hasn't been basically every doctors appointment since I was 16. I'm 43, I go to work, fight through constant pain and fatigue to do my job, go home and nap for 4 hours, make dinner and eat and go to bed. That's my life. I'm in constant level 6 pain scale pain even with meds and CBD creams, I sh*t myself, I occasionally wet the bed, I pee when I sneeze or cough, I walk into walls and trip on air, I choke on my own spit, I cant lose weight and the scale has been stuck at 265 for 17 years. It goes up or down a couple pounds and immediately goes back to 265. I drop stuff all the time, fall several times a year from balance issues, can never sleep enough, and all of this got even worse after the concussion.
And no matter what medical issues is found and no matter what doctor I go to, it's downplayed to me being fat, or a hypochondriac. I can not go to the doctor for ANYTHING for 3 YEARS, and as soon as I have a medical issue: DRUG SEEKING FAT HYPOCHONDRIAC!!!
I'm so tired. I struggle to stay awake to do stuff with my kids, I missed part of my daughter's wedding reception because I had to lay down, I fall asleep sitting up at the dinner table, this is not normal!! Why are doctors so horrible to women?? Even women doctors!! The last female PCP I had heard everything I was going through and told me to make a big pot of cabbage soup and eat that throughout the day to lose weight and I'd feel better. Wtf. I worry I'm going to die before I'm 50 of something undiagnosed at this point. Does anyone have any advice?
2024.05.01 19:45 Key-Judgment1 I didn’t even know this existed
He’s always had 2 calculators on his phone. One he never really used. Well come to find out one of the “calculators” is a photo vault app. I’m disgusted. I tried opening it and had no idea how to access it. It was just a normal calculator. It also has web browser on it as well. I found out because I have access to his email on my phone and when I checked his activity he used this calculator but on his activity it shows up “calculator - photo vault” and it’s used for the exact reason you’d think it’s for. I’ve been with my partner for 7 years, I’ve know about his porn use for about 4 years now. It affected our relationship I was always asking for it but he was always turning me down. I thought it was so odd because all of my friends in a relationship their men are always wanting to have sex with them. But he never wanted to. I felt ugly, felt like it was about me. I don’t remember the specific time I found out but I have caught him watching videos multiple times. I found out he had a foot fetish when I checked his instagram explore page (he no longer has instagram). Recently (last month) I found out he spend $400 on cam girls. He’s never spent that kind of money on me since he is very particular about how we spend our money. We are not in any financial trouble and we both make good money but we try to limit our spending. I don’t understand the amount of free content out there but yet he buys it? Either way I don’t want him watching it but I feel when he buys it, it hurts me more. Especially paying women by themself behind a camera. After 4 years of knowing about his addiction I have caught him countless amounts of times. He tells me he will stop but not long after I find more proof he was lying. He is not getting any help from outside sources. He refuses to see a therapist In general. He has other addictions (alcohol, weed) but nothing hurts me more than his porn addiction. This past week was the last time I caught him. He promised he would never do it again that he doesn’t want to keep hurting me. I find this hard to believe. So today I found out about the calculator app, he said “it’s nothing, I don’t even use it” then why do you have it? This last time I caught him has been so much harder to get over. After 4 years of being lied to and 7 years of him hiding it, I don’t think the trust will ever come back. I’ve forgiven him everytime. We have children together. The last thing I want is my children growing up with divorced parents. He’s a good person otherwise and I love him more than anything. I don’t think he’ll ever change.
submitted by Key-Judgment1 to loveafterporn [link] [comments]
2024.05.01 18:35 MessAnxiety Don't wanna behave? Pay for it
About 15 years ago, I lived with my mother in a nice suburban area. The entire area was pretty gentrified so nice old people who had lived in the area for their entire life with their children and grandchildren, my family being no different.
In front of my mother's house, we had a small building of about 4 floors. My memory isn't so good anymore, but first floor of that building's family moved out. I think the older couple that lived there moved out due to health reasons, but I only got this info secondhand, so I'm not certain one of them didn't die and the other couldn't afford it.
A new family moved in. Young couple with two small children about 8f and maybe 2m. Great additions to the community! Our peaceful and slow community was a great place to live a raise kids. We have parks nearby and the local authorities had been seeking to make more kids focused activities.
And then, the music started.
Literally, this couple would blast music so hard it could be heard 10 blocks away. It was so loud we could hear it as if it was in our own house and it lasted until 6am. The first few times, we reasoned that they were having a house warming party, but then it happened every weekend all the way until Monday and sometimes during the week.
We, of course, tried talking to them to limit their parties, to keep it during reasonable hours, to make the noise something more reasonable, etc. Hell, we even asked to be invited if they were planning to go that hard, so that we could all have a reason to be up that late/early.
Nothing.
So we called the city watch to see if they could talk some sense into them. They said, they could only address the issue when it was happening, to call again at night. We did.
The two watchmen came out in their patrol car and chatted with my mom, who had made the call, before heading to talk to the neighbors (big mistake).
The music lowers for a bit. The neighbor come out, chat for a bit and head back up. City watch comes back again to tell us "problem solved". Yeah, right.
As soon as they are gone, music goes up again.
We call again. Watchmen come to talk with the neighbors, lady comes out in a tiff and starts ringing our doorbell, telling my mom where to shove it and that she's allowed to do whatever she wants in her house.
Mom, not being one to back down, tells her that the neighborhood doesn't have to deal with whatever comes from her house. Communal living means respecting everyone else's living too.
I probably don't have to tell anyone that this caused these psychos to target my family, do I?
In any case, this was a repeat ocurrance with them. The situation got to a point in which they started throwing things (eggs, alcohol) at the watchmen, which prompted one of them to tell us which branch of our local police dealt with problem neighbors like them.
So we called them up.
Before the police could even arrive, our neighbors splashed our house with yellow paint. We had been dealing with our neighbors eyeing us through their windows and the kids calling us names, but nothing actually damaging.
The police, of course, arrived to visual proof of our neighbor's revenge and a picture from one of the other neighbors on the block had caught the exact moment it had been done and by whom.
Of course, he went over to talk to all the neighbors to get evidence, but our problem neighbors played at not being home.
The police man repeatedly went over throughout the period of a week or two to try to talk to them before telling my mom to call him when a new party happened.
Now, by this point, the rest of the neighbors on the block had started calling the watchmen and with my mom's news about being able to call the police, they now had that number too.
When the next party came about, the police man was called. The neighbors started cussing them out, laughing at them, threw eggs on their car and then flung cups of whatever they were drinking at them.
The cops, unlike the watchmen, can enter people's house. He informed them that they would open the door or he would break down the door and take them all to a night in jail for assault.
He was let in and I guess let them have it. They were fined and any repeat would be fined exactly at the highest possible fine he could give them.
After that, their noise has remained super low since. They do still party but after 11pm they mostly just karaoke drunkenly, which isn't nearly as loud.
They did attack my house in different ways following the event with gluing the front door's keyhole and peeing on our front door, but after a police report, it's mostly boiled down to having their visitors park in front of my mom's house.
Crazy people.
submitted by MessAnxiety to MarkNarrations [link] [comments]
In front of my mother's house, we had a small building of about 4 floors. My memory isn't so good anymore, but first floor of that building's family moved out. I think the older couple that lived there moved out due to health reasons, but I only got this info secondhand, so I'm not certain one of them didn't die and the other couldn't afford it.
A new family moved in. Young couple with two small children about 8f and maybe 2m. Great additions to the community! Our peaceful and slow community was a great place to live a raise kids. We have parks nearby and the local authorities had been seeking to make more kids focused activities.
And then, the music started.
Literally, this couple would blast music so hard it could be heard 10 blocks away. It was so loud we could hear it as if it was in our own house and it lasted until 6am. The first few times, we reasoned that they were having a house warming party, but then it happened every weekend all the way until Monday and sometimes during the week.
We, of course, tried talking to them to limit their parties, to keep it during reasonable hours, to make the noise something more reasonable, etc. Hell, we even asked to be invited if they were planning to go that hard, so that we could all have a reason to be up that late/early.
Nothing.
So we called the city watch to see if they could talk some sense into them. They said, they could only address the issue when it was happening, to call again at night. We did.
The two watchmen came out in their patrol car and chatted with my mom, who had made the call, before heading to talk to the neighbors (big mistake).
The music lowers for a bit. The neighbor come out, chat for a bit and head back up. City watch comes back again to tell us "problem solved". Yeah, right.
As soon as they are gone, music goes up again.
We call again. Watchmen come to talk with the neighbors, lady comes out in a tiff and starts ringing our doorbell, telling my mom where to shove it and that she's allowed to do whatever she wants in her house.
Mom, not being one to back down, tells her that the neighborhood doesn't have to deal with whatever comes from her house. Communal living means respecting everyone else's living too.
I probably don't have to tell anyone that this caused these psychos to target my family, do I?
In any case, this was a repeat ocurrance with them. The situation got to a point in which they started throwing things (eggs, alcohol) at the watchmen, which prompted one of them to tell us which branch of our local police dealt with problem neighbors like them.
So we called them up.
Before the police could even arrive, our neighbors splashed our house with yellow paint. We had been dealing with our neighbors eyeing us through their windows and the kids calling us names, but nothing actually damaging.
The police, of course, arrived to visual proof of our neighbor's revenge and a picture from one of the other neighbors on the block had caught the exact moment it had been done and by whom.
Of course, he went over to talk to all the neighbors to get evidence, but our problem neighbors played at not being home.
The police man repeatedly went over throughout the period of a week or two to try to talk to them before telling my mom to call him when a new party happened.
Now, by this point, the rest of the neighbors on the block had started calling the watchmen and with my mom's news about being able to call the police, they now had that number too.
When the next party came about, the police man was called. The neighbors started cussing them out, laughing at them, threw eggs on their car and then flung cups of whatever they were drinking at them.
The cops, unlike the watchmen, can enter people's house. He informed them that they would open the door or he would break down the door and take them all to a night in jail for assault.
He was let in and I guess let them have it. They were fined and any repeat would be fined exactly at the highest possible fine he could give them.
After that, their noise has remained super low since. They do still party but after 11pm they mostly just karaoke drunkenly, which isn't nearly as loud.
They did attack my house in different ways following the event with gluing the front door's keyhole and peeing on our front door, but after a police report, it's mostly boiled down to having their visitors park in front of my mom's house.
Crazy people.
2024.05.01 13:05 Common_String_235 What are the best songs for the ultimate American Gen-Z summer backyard party?
Hello there, I'm planning to make the best ultimate summer party in our backyard when my parents are on vacation later this summer.
I wanna do the whole American backyard experience with red cups, lots of alcohol and of course great music.
I was wondering what the best songs are that I can put in the playlist. We gonna play everything from hip-hop, reggaeton/latino, pop and country.
For example I will definitely play classics like "Rich Baby Daddy"(Drake), "$ave Dat Money"(Lil Dicky), "You Proof(Morgan Wallen)" and "Play It Again"(Luke Bryan).
I definitely wanna create a cozy atmosphere with the potential to go lit af.
The ages of the people is probably going to be between 18 and 25.
I'm also extremely open for other recommendations for the party that are very tipical in the US.
submitted by Common_String_235 to AskAmericans [link] [comments]
I wanna do the whole American backyard experience with red cups, lots of alcohol and of course great music.
I was wondering what the best songs are that I can put in the playlist. We gonna play everything from hip-hop, reggaeton/latino, pop and country.
For example I will definitely play classics like "Rich Baby Daddy"(Drake), "$ave Dat Money"(Lil Dicky), "You Proof(Morgan Wallen)" and "Play It Again"(Luke Bryan).
I definitely wanna create a cozy atmosphere with the potential to go lit af.
The ages of the people is probably going to be between 18 and 25.
I'm also extremely open for other recommendations for the party that are very tipical in the US.
2024.05.01 12:42 Significant-Tower146 Best 10X50 Binoculars
 | submitted by Significant-Tower146 to u/Significant-Tower146 [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/b9n89lw6nsxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4289adf70a3963ddc9e2030d15ea6469db661164 Get ready to explore the world in high-definition detail with our top picks for 10X50 Binoculars. In this article, we'll take you on a journey through the best binocular models available on the market, designed to provide you with unparalleled clarity and comfort during your next adventure. The Top 19 Best 10X50 Binoculars
Reviews🔗Bushnell Legend 10x50 Binoculars: Rugged, Waterproof, and High-Performance Opticshttps://preview.redd.it/bam7boi7nsxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2a557edc22b908f3eacc49d49b16ae5bf09ac9b7 As a nature enthusiast, I've been eyeing the Bushnell Legend 10x50 binoculars for quite some time, and I finally had the chance to give them a whirl during a recent camping trip. The first thing I noticed was the sleek, updated design - the new ergonomics gave me a confident grip, and the lighter weight made it a breeze to carry around all day. Now, let's talk optics. The fully multi-coated all glass system truly shines, delivering crisp, clear images even in low-light conditions. The IPX7 waterproof construction was a bonus, allowing me to confidently use them in a downpour without worrying about water damage. However, the binoculars aren't without their drawbacks. For starters, they can feel a bit bulky and heavy - something to consider if you're planning a backpacking trip or need to move around a lot. Additionally, while the focus wheel is smooth, it might not be the quickest to adjust, which could be frustrating in some situations. But all in all, these binoculars have been a fantastic addition to my outdoor adventures. The Legend 10x50 proves its worth as a reliable and well-built tool for any nature lover or budding stargazer. With its exceptional optics, comfortable grip, and rugged durability, it's definitely worth the investment. 🔗Celestron 10x50 Nature DX ED Binoculars - Enhanced Clarity and Durabilityhttps://preview.redd.it/z4th6fx7nsxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=02d0e88bf1f6e9749a18ccd357de67a7ebf22c92 I recently gave the Celestron 10x50 Nature DX Ed Binoculars a try, and I must say, I was pleasantly surprised. These binoculars are great for both day and night use, with their Fully Multi-Coated optics delivering crisp, clear images. The phase coated BaK-4 prisms were impressive, giving a vibrant, true-to-life color that I rarely experience. I was particularly impressed with the generous eye relief and sturdy, twist-up eyecups, making them incredibly comfortable to use. One downside I encountered was their portability; the binoculars were a bit on the heavy side, making them less ideal for extended outdoor trips. Additionally, the depth of field proved to be a bit of a challenge as I had to frequently readjust my focus, especially when observing moving objects. All in all, the Celestron 10x50 Nature DX Ed Binoculars are a great buy for those looking for a budget-friendly option with excellent image quality and comfort. As a reviewer, I would recommend giving these binoculars a try, especially if you're on a tight budget and value image quality and ease of use over portability and advanced features. 🔗Lightweight High-Performance Binoculars: Olympus 10x50 Explorer Shttps://preview.redd.it/z2olgpc8nsxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e7173d96e0c11b00e715194b3a9d0d21070fb9ea As a nature enthusiast, I've found the Olympus Explorer S binoculars to be an essential addition to my outdoor adventures. The wide field of view has been a game-changer, allowing me to spot my subjects more easily, whether I'm watching birds, observing wildlife, or following the action during sporting events. One feature that has stood out is the special elastic polymer coating, providing a non-slip grip that ensures a safe hold, even in wet or slippery conditions. The lightweight and ergonomic design make it comfortable to use for extended periods without causing any fatigue. While the binoculars have delivered impressive optical performance, there's been a trade-off in terms of size and weight. It's not as compact as I'd hoped, making it less ideal for carrying around during prolonged outings. However, the compactness does contribute to its durability and robustness, which I appreciate for its ability to withstand the rigors of outdoor use. In summary, the Olympus Explorer S binoculars offer a comfortable and functional experience for observation, thanks to their wide field of view, ergonomic design, and non-slip grip. While there's room for improvement in terms of size and weight, overall, I'm happy with my purchase. 🔗Military-Grade Binoculars for Tactical Operations: Steiner 10x50 with Rubber Armorhttps://preview.redd.it/nkhf3gr8nsxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5d453f312e46e1b5c2018da462e9c3297ca7f038 Imagine yourself in the heat of battle, with no time to spare. You need a set of binoculars that can withstand any abuse and still give you the sharpest, most accurate vision you need to make split-second decisions. That's where the Steiner Military Binoculars come in - they're built to handle any situation, whether it's arctic cold or desert heat. I've been using these binoculars for a while now, and I can say that they've lived up to their reputation. The Floating Prism System ensures that the binoculars remain intact and functioning even after severe shocks and impacts, while the Multi-Coated Optics deliver a stunningly clear and bright image, with sharp contours and natural color definition. The N2 Injection system seals the optics with pressurized dry nitrogen, ensuring fogproof clarity in any condition. However, they're not without their drawbacks. For instance, the 10x magnification can sometimes make the image a bit shaky, and the 35.3 oz weight may be a bit heavy for some users. But overall, I'd say these binoculars are a game-changer for anyone who needs to see clearly in challenging environments. With a variety of features like the SUMR Reticle, ranging reticle, and laser protection, these binoculars are versatile and ideal for open terrain and mountainous or hilly country. They've proven themselves in the middle east, and I have no doubt they'll continue to serve and protect wherever they're needed. 🔗Premium 10x50 Binoculars with High-Power Magnification and Low Light Visionhttps://preview.redd.it/smbcr0a9nsxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bccd1bb5e3f4daa2628a81f2a6828729cac4f6e4 When I first tried the Aaji 10x50 Binoculars, I was amazed by the powerful magnification they provided. The 50mm objective lens allowed me to see details and colors as if I was right in front of the object. The 10X zoom was crystal clear, whether I was observing daytime scenes or star-gazing at night. The 200mm field of view was particularly intriguing, as it made it easy for me to capture the whole image, while the FMC green film lens and BAK4 prism delivered high-quality images in all lighting conditions. The high-temperature resistance was a bonus, as I felt comfortable using these binoculars in any weather. While focusing the binoculars was a bit of a learning process, it got easier with time. The non-slip design was a godsend, making it perfect for holding and using on the go. Overall, I found the Aaji 10x50 Binoculars to be a reliable, high-quality option for anyone looking to enhance their visual experience. 🔗High-Performance 10x50 Waterproof Binoculars with Low Light Night Visionhttps://preview.redd.it/8ofy06n9nsxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6346e74e2861be0f86c528df44ec9aabd23fc488 As a nature enthusiast, I found the binoculars from Pankoo to be an essential tool for my outdoor adventures. With a powerful magnification of 10x, I was able to bring distant objects closer and enjoy a more detailed view. The large eyepiece made it comfortable to use, even for extended periods of time. One of the most impressive features was its low light night vision capability. This allowed me to explore the beauty of the night sky without any difficulties. However, the water resistance level could have been better, as I encountered a few situations where my binoculars got slightly damp. Using these binoculars was quite convenient. The foldable framework ensured a comfortable fit, and adjusting the focus was a breeze. However, removing dirt or smudges required a bit more caution, as alcohol could potentially damage the lenses if not handled with care. Overall, I found these binoculars to be an excellent choice for adults seeking a versatile and economical option for their outdoor pursuits. With its combination of powerful magnification, large eyepiece, and low light night vision capabilities, this Pankoo binocular is a winner for anyone looking to explore the natural world in detail. 🔗High-Quality 10x50 Binoculars for Nature Enthusiastshttps://preview.redd.it/ypivzb2ansxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b1d9eea9968699a3c6c80e71b7c78960202a0274 Using the Nikon - ACULON 10 x 50 Binoculars was a delightful experience. The ergonomic design made it comfortable to hold, and the black color blended well with my outdoor surroundings. The binoculars provided a sharp image, both during the day and at night. One of the features that stood out for me was the turn-and-slide rubber eyecups. They allowed for a customized fit, making the viewing experience more comfortable. The multicoated aspherical lenses contributed to the brightness and clarity of the image, which was particularly beneficial during low light conditions. However, I did encounter a drawback when using the binoculars in low light conditions. Finding the perfect focus proved to be challenging, as the binoculars struggled to maintain focus at closer distances and in low light situations. The binoculars felt durable and protective thanks to the rubber-armored coating. Despite their durability, I would still exercise caution when using them in harsh weather conditions, as the rubber coating may not be fully waterproof. Overall, the Nikon - ACULON 10 x 50 Binoculars delivered a remarkable viewing experience in various lighting conditions. The binoculars provided good value for the price and would be an excellent investment for those who appreciate high-quality optics. 🔗Vortex Viper 10x50 HD Binoculars: High-Performance, Waterproof, and Fully Multi-Coatedhttps://preview.redd.it/6ct4mudansxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ce68278d14c351327d1c04f7b03b1916783adad8 As someone who spends countless hours exploring the outdoors, I recently stumbled upon the Vortex Viper 10x50 HD Binoculars, and let me tell you, they have been a game-changer. These high-end, full-size yet compact binoculars have become my trusted companion on countless hunting trips and nature walks. One of the first things I noticed about these binoculars is their ease of use. The rubber-armored chassis with thumb indents provides superior ergonomics, allowing me to hold and focus the binoculars with ease. The high-density optical system delivers exceptional resolution and edge-to-edge clarity, making it effortless to spot animals from far away. The XR anti-reflective lens coatings truly shine in low light situations, providing me with bright and full views of my surroundings. The locking, right-eye diopter tailors each barrel's focus to my eyes, ensuring that they are properly aligned for my vision. The smooth, center focus wheel gives me fine focus control, enabling me to quickly obtain sharp views. Twist-up eyecups rest comfortably against my face, providing customized eye relief that makes for a more enjoyable and comfortable viewing experience. The fact that these binoculars are waterproof and fogproof adds an extra layer of reliability, ensuring that they can handle any weather condition I may encounter. Lastly, the ultra-hard, scratch-resistant Armortek protects the exterior lenses from scratches, oil, and dirt, which is especially important considering how much I use these binoculars in my daily life. The included GlassPak Chest Harness provides comfortable, protected, strain-free, all-day carry, allowing me to always have them on hand when I need them. In conclusion, the Vortex Viper 10x50 HD Binoculars have been an invaluable addition to my outdoor adventures. Their outstanding features, like the rubber-armored chassis, the high-density optical system, and the scratch-resistant Armortek, have not only made them more durable but also ensured that they are always ready for action when I need them the most. Highly recommended for all outdoor enthusiasts! 🔗Nikon ACULON 10x50 Binoculars - Affordable and High-Quality Opticshttps://preview.redd.it/ow47a8uansxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9edb42bb304f0444a65567dcac1ca0386b934677 I recently had the chance to test out the Nikon 8248B ACULON 10x50 Binoculars A211. From the get-go, I was impressed with how these binoculars felt in my hands - lightweight yet still sturdy. The focus knob was smooth and easy to adjust, allowing me to quickly switch between distant and close-up views. The lenses provided clear images even in low light conditions, which was a great bonus. What really stood out for me was the durability of these binoculars. Even after multiple outings in various weather conditions, they continued to perform well and showed no signs of wear. The turn-and-slide rubber eyecups made for a comfortable viewing experience, especially during long periods of use. While there are some pros and cons to consider, overall, I'd say the Nikon 8248B ACULON 10x50 Binoculars A211 are an excellent value for their price point. They offer quality, durability, and a comfortable viewing experience, making them a fantastic choice for outdoor enthusiasts. 🔗10x50 Full-Size Binoculars with Low Light Night Visionhttps://preview.redd.it/q3b0yj6bnsxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9bd673920a17b6429adc72b1b91bc7a8473af777 The Nvshen Binoculars, my go-to choice for all my outdoor adventures, have helped me spot countless birds, hike through dense forests, and enjoy stunning concerts. These high-powered 10x50 binoculars, with a 50mm objective lens diameter, offer a wide field of view and FMC multi-coated broadband green film for clear and bright images. One of the standout features is the center-focus knob and diopter adjustment, making it incredibly easy to adjust for optimal HD vision. The adjustable eye cups fit most users, providing comfortable viewing for extended periods, even with eyeglasses. The non-slip rubber armor and leather make these binoculars comfortable to grip and water-resistant, ensuring durability and functionality in any weather. While these binoculars have made my outdoor experiences brighter and more enjoyable, there are a few areas for improvement. The night vision feature works well, but it's not suitable for complete darkness. Additionally, the carrying bag and lens cover could be more robust to protect these valuable binoculars. Overall, the Nvshen Binoculars are a reliable and versatile option for bird watching, hiking, and concerts. Their ease of use, comfort, and features make them a worthwhile investment for any adult looking to enhance their outdoor experiences. 🔗Polaroid 10X50 Binoculars: Powerful and Versatile Outdoor Gearhttps://preview.redd.it/6elzt8mbnsxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eeb043e32a66254c5ae81b1f8ce8627f7bd0b697 Imagine yourself standing at a baseball game, cheering for your favorite team. As the sun sets, casting a warm glow over the field, you bring out your Polaroid 10x50 Sports Binoculars. These binoculars are not just any ordinary pair; they have everything you need to see the game clearly. With adjustable 10x magnification and an objective lens that provides industry-leading optics, you can see every detail of the game. The comfortable rubber eye cups ensure that your eyes are protected, while the slip-resistant focusing knob lets you focus with precision. The multi-coated optics provide a clear, sharp view, and the slip-resistant grip ensures that the binoculars are always within reach. Rugged construction ensures that they can handle any adventure, whether you're bird-watching, hiking, or just enjoying a backyard picnic. However, there are a few areas where these binoculars fall short. The focus quality seems to be an issue for some users, and the craftsmanship could have been better. The smell of the binoculars has also been a concern for some customers, making them hesitant to use them. These drawbacks make it difficult to fully recommend the Polaroid 10x50 Sports Binoculars. Despite these issues, for the price, these binoculars can provide an enjoyable experience. 🔗Ultima 10x50mm Binoculars with Wide Field of View and Large Objective Lenseshttps://preview.redd.it/vg4d1rzbnsxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a1c422fdf1e0d4ca1ebc4c1322fa70aa5a329419 The Celestron Ultima 10x50 Porro binocular is a must-have for stargazers and wildlife enthusiasts alike. With its large 50mm objective lenses, you can easily spot animals in the dark or view distant stars with ease. The 6° field of view provides a wide range of vision, allowing you to take in the entire scene all at once, making it perfect for birdwatching or observing a sporting event from the stands. The ergonomic body is designed with a synthetic rubber armor and a non-slip grip, making it comfortable to hold and use for extended periods. The binoculars use BaK-4 prisms and fully multi-coated optics to deliver maximum light transmission, ensuring clear and crisp images. However, one downside is that the thin rubber eye cups can be a bit tricky to adjust, and the weight might be a bit heavy for those used to lighter binoculars. Overall, the Celestron Ultima 10x50 Porro binocular is a great choice for anyone looking for a versatile and powerful pair of binoculars. 🔗10x50 Escape Porro Binoculars: Shock-Absorbing, Tripod-Adaptable, and Great for Outdoor Activitieshttps://preview.redd.it/vuvmtylcnsxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=395f3db6f247fe052ea4e5a35877ee64d51023e1 These Barska Escape binoculars are a game changer for all your outdoor adventures. When I first took them out of the box, I was impressed by their shock-absorbing rubber armor that gives them that sturdy, user-friendly feel. Adjusting the focus was a breeze, and the large lens of 50mm really brought everything into crystal-clear view. I particularly loved the tripod-adaptable fittings that kept the image steady even amidst a bit of movement. But, if I had to be nitpicky, the one minor downside was that it was heavier than I expected, and my hand started to shake while trying to focus on certain distant objects. However, the weight didn't seem to affect the durability or the overall performance of the binoculars. I highly recommend these for all outdoor activities — from birdwatching to sailing, the Escape binoculars make for great companions. Plus, the price is definitely one you won't complain about! So, if you're looking for a practical, high-quality binocular at an affordable price, look no further than the Barska Escape. You won't regret it. 🔗Versatile Rainproof Binoculars: 10x50 Porro Prism Binocularshttps://preview.redd.it/db02ixwcnsxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=711eb45b810551ff806c6c2de6fa6d9e008029b6 The Tso Polar 10x50 Porro Binocular has been my trusty companion on many outdoor adventures. Its 10x magnification is versatile, allowing me to enjoy clear images both day and night. The binoculars are compact, perfect for bird watching or exploring new territories. I love that they're lightweight at 29 ounces, making them easy to carry and yet sturdy enough to provide a steady view. The binoculars have a tripod adapter socket, which has come in handy when I needed to take a steadier, long-range shot. Additionally, the twist-up eyecups and focus knob make it convenient to adjust the settings for the best possible view. Rainproof and waterproof, these binoculars can handle harsh weather conditions without a hitch. The rubber armor also provides an extra layer of protection and a comfortable, non-slip grip. One minor downside is that the binoculars are a bit expensive for some users' budgets. However, considering the quality and performance, I believe it's worth the investment. Overall, the Tso Polar 10x50 Porro Binocular is a great choice for those seeking superior-quality optics for their outdoor activities. Buyer's Guide10X50 binoculars are a popular choice for bird watchers, hunters, and even casual observers. These binoculars offer a balance between portability and performance, making them a great option for a variety of activities. In this buyer's guide, we'll go over the key features and considerations when selecting the right 10X50 binoculars for your needs.Magnification PowerThe first number in the name is the magnification power, in this case, 10. This tells you that the image you see through the binoculars is 10 times larger than the actual object. A higher magnification number will provide a more detailed view, which is useful for activities like bird watching and observing distant objects. https://preview.redd.it/kdkh1hffnsxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d629f8d773317f21e7da8d3cb0fff3434257db87 Objective Lens DiameterThe second number, 50, refers to the objective lens diameter. A larger objective lens will allow more light to enter the binoculars, making them brighter and easier to use in low-light conditions. However, larger objective lenses can also add weight, so it's essential to find a balance between light collection and portability.Field of ViewThe field of view is essential for tracking moving objects and quickly locating them. A larger field of view makes it easier to locate your target quickly, while a narrower field of view provides better focus and detail for static objects.Binocular Lens TypeThere are two main types of binocular lenses: porro prism and roof prism. Porro prism binoculars tend to be more lightweight and less expensive. However, roof prism binoculars are smaller, more compact, and often more durable. https://preview.redd.it/4y2j2fvfnsxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fb71518fbc379615eb49a28bec4b2651ae0713c1 Zoom FeatureMany 10X50 binoculars have a variable zoom feature that allows you to adjust the magnification to fit your needs. This is an advantage if you need to use your binoculars in different settings or for different activities.Protection FeaturesLook for binoculars with protective features such as rubber armor, waterproofing, and fogproofing. These features can enhance your experience in the outdoors and make your binoculars more durable.Ease of UseErgonomics and ease of use are also essential when selecting 10X50 binoculars. You'll want a pair that is comfortable to hold and use over extended periods, with focus adjustments that are easy to locate and manipulate.When selecting 10X50 binoculars, consider the factors outlined in this guide to ensure you find a model that meets your needs. A good pair of binoculars can significantly enhance your outdoor experiences, providing you with the clarity and detail you need to fully enjoy your activities. https://preview.redd.it/bkyvoxvgnsxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8f0f19ed2bd3704cdf6614f947fbd30f60fb95bd FAQWhat are 10X50 binoculars?10X50 binoculars are a type of high-power binocular that has a magnification of 10 times and an objective lens diameter of 50mm. The high magnification allows for a closer view of distant objects, while the large objective lens captures more light and provides a brighter image.What are some popular brands of 10X50 binoculars?Some well-regarded brands of 10X50 binoculars include Zeiss, Swarovski Optik, Vortex Optics, Nikon, and Leupold. https://preview.redd.it/n7geo0dhnsxc1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c8f1f5d4685a375b47ca829d854cd39e1a9833f6 What features should I look for in a 10X50 binocular?Some important features to consider in a 10X50 binocular include high-quality optics, waterproofing, fog-proofing, a durable housing, and a comfortable grip. Additionally, consider the weight, size, and ease of use of the binocular when making your purchase decision.How do I use a 10X50 binocular?To use your 10X50 binocular, first adjust the focus knobs to ensure a clear image. Then, hold the binocular with one hand on each side of the body, and bring it up to your eyes. Align the objective lenses with your eyes, and view the object through the eyepieces. Practice using the binocular at home before taking it out to ensure you're comfortable with the process.What is the best place to buy a 10X50 binocular?Reputable electronics retailers, outdoor stores, and online marketplaces are good places to buy a 10X50 binocular. Be sure to read reviews and compare features of different models before making your purchase.How much does a 10X50 binocular typically cost?The cost of a 10X50 binocular can vary depending on the brand, features, and quality. Generally, you can expect to pay between $100 and $500 for a high-quality 10X50 binocular. Lower-end models may be available for under $100, while premium models can cost over $500.Can I use a 10X50 binocular for stargazing?Yes, a 10X50 binocular can be used for stargazing. The high magnification and large objective lens make it a great choice for observing celestial objects in the night sky. However, it may be necessary to use a tripod or stabilizer to maintain a steady view.What is the difference between 10X50 binoculars and other types of binoculars?The main difference between 10X50 binoculars and other types is their magnification and objective lens diameter. A 10X50 binocular typically offers more magnification and a larger objective lens than other models, which results in a brighter and more detailed image. However, this increased magnification may also cause image instability, making it more difficult to use for handheld viewing.What should I consider before buying a 10X50 binocular?Before buying a 10X50 binocular, consider your primary use case, budget, and any specific features you may require (such as waterproofing, fog-proofing, or image stabilization). Additionally, read reviews and compare models to ensure you're getting the best value for your money.As an Amazon™ Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. |
2024.05.01 12:41 Honest-Narwhal7358 When i first got BBGRL I had these handlebars...
 | They're Rizoma "clip ons", got snapped when i wrecked. Loved em, but discontinued. submitted by Honest-Narwhal7358 to ducatimonster [link] [comments] 2nd pic is after the rebuild. I recently left my job at Los Alamos National Lab and started my own machine shop (Elevated Machine LLC). I got almost 20 years in the industry, not only precision CNC machining but also design, development, and fabrication of highly complex electro-mechanical systems intended for extreme hazard environments...SO...I'm thinking about developing out a product line for ducati's, starting with a bullet proof replacement for the notorious, leaky p.o.s. fuel sending unit wiring harness feed thru (in terms of "extreme hazard environments, alcohols and hydrocarbons ain't shit. The design i came up with will not fail ever, guaranteed, and fairly cheap to manufacture. Getting it notorized now, should have it available soon. Also, this style of "clip on" handlebars could be another product, as well as the boomtubes that are no longer made. Kinda testing the market to see what people think, so thoughts/insights, fire away. |
2024.05.01 09:49 Zestyclose_Mouse_771 How do you know when your relationship (me F50, him M53) is beyond repair?
Posting for a friend who has tried to post several times but keeps getting no responses. She will monitor
TLDR: He has caused so much damage, I don't know how to get past it
This is long, but it's as short as I can make it. The following is very abbreviated.
I've been with my husband for 10 years.
Two years ago he was diagnosed with ADHD - specifically ADD. He didn't tell me until recently but we've talked about it in the past as a possibility. This diagnosis is relevant for my question and I'll get to it again at the end.
We have a long and - for me - harrowing history
I have so much resentment and carry around so much emotional trauma that sometimes I can barely breathe.
We've stayed together after some horrid times, because our circumstances require it for now (we cannot sell our house as it's mid renovation and not compliant; neither can afford to buy the other out etc).
Right now, we're in a holding pattern. He insists he'll do anything to save our marriage. He understands that I'm on the edge of leaving and probably would have left without looking back if it wasn't for our constraints.
Our history is essentially a decade of him lying, betraying me, cheating, and behaving in ridiculously unstable ways. He's also a terrible communicator - the ADHD diagnosis sheds some light on this for me. I experience him as a taker not a giver, he would argue that's not his nature, he just forgets things.
Our history is also an incredible connection, many things in common, lots of happy times and laughs, deep passion and intimacy.
Examples of above betrayals etc:
When we got together he had no $ to move on after divorce. I rented a flat, set up a spare room for his kids to come and stay, made it possible for us to start our life.
During this time he maintained a friendship that included flirtation, some light intimacy and some sexting. My spidey senses told me he wasn't being truthful about that friendship but he fully gasligted me about it.
I eventually found proof. He had no real explanation / kept minimising the issue, after about a year he finally acknowledged he came out of his divorce needing to be free, didn't expect to meet me, and was having his cake and eating it too, until caught.
This all happened just after we'd finally signed a lease on an apartment together, to make it possible for him to have his kids 50/50. I felt completely trapped.
I stayed.
Over the following years he lied constantly about big and small things. He's now faced that behaviour and understood it as a habit (like a teenager), and grown himself out of it.
Whenever I stood up for myself - which was always as I'm not a pushover - it would end up in huge arguments. Lots of gaslighting by him, mostly because he had zero self awareness of his behaviour and habits and it has been a LONG and arduous journey growing him up.
Standing up for myself, big arguments etc would only magnify his behaviour.
For a couple of years he faked panic attacks. Including throwing himself down our stairs 4-5 times. Including an 8 hour fake attack where he worked himself up to almost hyperventilating and choking, and I had to shove a pen in his throat to stop him. I did this on a few different occasions actually. The 8 hour one, his kids were here. He was on our bedroom floor after throwing himself off our bed, and I was going in and out, looking after the kids, telling them dad was unwell and resting; and looking after him / trying to contain the situation. He had therapy, the therapist confirmed his behaviour was an attempt to manipulate me and that his panic attacks weren't real.
He's threatened to unalive himself dozens of times. He's fake cut his wrists dozens of times. I've had to wrestle knives off him a few times and he's truly wrestled me, could have seriously hurt me etc. He's driven off in the car while drinking alcohol / taking alcohol with him. He's taken an overdose of pills while chatting to mates online. This was all out of my earshot, but then one of the mates turned up at the house worried about him. I ended up taking him to emergency and he was admitted to a psych ward for a week. The day after he came out was Christmas Day and "we" were hosting lunch for 11 people. I spent the day trying to hide his incredibly fragile state from all his family, and kids, so as not to ruin the day - and because none of them would have handled it with any grace.
I've had the police at the house a few times, once when he was drunk and called a mate, saying he was going to un alive himself because I was leaving him. Again his kids were here and I had to shuffle the police to a dark corner outside and get them to leave, to protect his kids from the chaos. They drove him off in the police car, put him in the lock up for the night, and fortunately he got home before the kids woke up.
He copied extensive amounts of texts between him and I - texts where I was VERY angry and hostile, and had plenty of harsh / attacking things to say - he emailed those texts to a former best friend of mine who works in couples therapy. A friend I've had no contact with for 15 years, a friendship I quietly quit due to her disregard of me, a woman he's never met, only heard about. Who the fuck does something like that?! He sent the same texts to his therapist, his mother, and a woman who I don't know, apparently a former therapist his friend, seeking validation that I'm the problem and he's the victim.
He went for drinks - I don't know how many times - with the same former therapist woman friend, and her male friends and told them all about how unfair I was.
6mths after we got married he joined a sex site, went into chat rooms and over time sent messages to a dozen or so women. Not foul, crude messages, but suggestive and flirty. I caught him out in this 2yrs after our wedding, so he'd been in and out of the site for 18mths. He insists he only ever contacted the women in the hope of talking as he was lonely. He also insists he only went into the site when it seemed like our relationship was over. He has never shown a clear understanding that his story doesn't pass the reasonable person test, that it's not plausible and most reasonable people would call bullsh**, given the content of his messages to the women.
When I found out about the sex site I ended our marriage. But we've remained in the same house since, for the reasons I explained above (renovation, stuck).
During this period of separation, months now, he has become a "mostly" very different man. It's clear he's working very hard on himself and he has a lot of clarity about his past behaviour.
He's made it clear he wants to save our marriage, whatever it takes.
In this period of separation he has also - while we were in a tropical holiday together and really starting to reconnect , but following a setback in that connection - taken himself off for an erotic massage. I didn't know that at the time, we got past the setback, we were intimate on this amazing holiday - 2 days after the massage that I had no idea about.
Two weeks after we got back from the holiday, he wrote to the former therapist / friend - in the period of separation where he was still begging me to give our marriage another chance and see how much he was trying - and said he'd booked a session with a prostitute. They encouraged him to go, and said why not, fuck her (meaning me). He insists he never went. I'll never know.
The things he has done are outrageous, toxic, unstable, frightening, harmful.
But for reasons I can't explain, I also know they are not HIM. Someone here will know what I mean by that. I just don't have the words to explain it.
I don't know how someone's behaviour can be so disconnected from their soul but that's how I would describe him and his choices over the last decade. A complete disconnect between his intentions and his actions. A complete disconnect between who he is, who he believes he is, who he presents as when life is easy and normal. Anything challenging though, he falls apart and records to easy gratification, quick attention, lack of impulse control etc. Just bad, stupid behaviours and choices that have done untold damage. This from a grown man, who is widely viewed as the most peaceful, non-aggreasive, reasonable, easy going, guy, who runs a successful business, is loved by all of his customers for his gentleness etc.
He's been on a BIG personal journey and is very clearly a different man now. On one level I don't believe he'd ever do any of those things again. He's had extensive counselling. He's been very honest with himself. He's been very honest with me. He's taken full accountability. He has no expectations of me at all but consistently shows and tells me that he wants to do whatever it takes to heal our marriage.
All his devices, all his socials, emails, phone etc are an open book. I have all his passwords etc. I could go on, but you get the gist.
We are navigating the possibility of staying together, sometimes we date, sometimes we're intimate, it's 100% on my schedule. It's very up and down.
I've been clear with him that I have no grace left to give him. That the last decade has been traumatic for me and I'm triggered by everything, all the time.
He understands that my #1 priority is my own emotional and mental wellbeing, and that an enormous amount of damage has been done to both.
For more context, during all this time, his children caused tension between households, almost like a sport. Their mother is bipolar, very controlling and has huge swings. She has so told some devastating lies about me, our household etc. The children have lied to her about us many times, to avoid getting in trouble with her. As an example, they didn't call her one birthday. They told her - on speaker phone, in earshot of us - that we wouldn't let them have their phones. She then proceeded to call us every disgusting, foul things under the sun. This kind of thing happened all the time, every single week for a years. There is more, much much worse, but I don't feel comfortable sharing it.
Things I've observed in him - absolute lack of impulse control, very fragile ego needing constant validation, reaching for the closest thing to soothe himself when he has big feelings eg substances, attention from women. Total emotional dysregulation.
Any time I tried to discuss these things with him he took them as an attack. Nowadays he sees it all himself, especially through the lens of understanding his ADHD.
He's been in and out of therapy for years. Mostly useless, because his stories to the therapists are always very self-serving. He painted himself as the victim (of my anger at his behaviour) many times.
And so, with all of that, my challenge is - nowadays even when it's clear his ADHD is at play, and impacting his behaviour, communication etc - I have zero tolerance or patience.
It means I can't support him through his struggles because I stayed through all the trauma and it feels like I have nothing left to give him.
I'm here for happiness between us, but anything that resembles him being thoughtless, careless, mean etc - even if explainable by the ADHD - is a massive trigger for me. I run out of patience in seconds.
How do I move forward? What does it take to heal from this kind of decade? How do you heal a marriage from the worst things?
submitted by Zestyclose_Mouse_771 to Marriage [link] [comments]
TLDR: He has caused so much damage, I don't know how to get past it
This is long, but it's as short as I can make it. The following is very abbreviated.
I've been with my husband for 10 years.
Two years ago he was diagnosed with ADHD - specifically ADD. He didn't tell me until recently but we've talked about it in the past as a possibility. This diagnosis is relevant for my question and I'll get to it again at the end.
We have a long and - for me - harrowing history
I have so much resentment and carry around so much emotional trauma that sometimes I can barely breathe.
We've stayed together after some horrid times, because our circumstances require it for now (we cannot sell our house as it's mid renovation and not compliant; neither can afford to buy the other out etc).
Right now, we're in a holding pattern. He insists he'll do anything to save our marriage. He understands that I'm on the edge of leaving and probably would have left without looking back if it wasn't for our constraints.
Our history is essentially a decade of him lying, betraying me, cheating, and behaving in ridiculously unstable ways. He's also a terrible communicator - the ADHD diagnosis sheds some light on this for me. I experience him as a taker not a giver, he would argue that's not his nature, he just forgets things.
Our history is also an incredible connection, many things in common, lots of happy times and laughs, deep passion and intimacy.
Examples of above betrayals etc:
When we got together he had no $ to move on after divorce. I rented a flat, set up a spare room for his kids to come and stay, made it possible for us to start our life.
During this time he maintained a friendship that included flirtation, some light intimacy and some sexting. My spidey senses told me he wasn't being truthful about that friendship but he fully gasligted me about it.
I eventually found proof. He had no real explanation / kept minimising the issue, after about a year he finally acknowledged he came out of his divorce needing to be free, didn't expect to meet me, and was having his cake and eating it too, until caught.
This all happened just after we'd finally signed a lease on an apartment together, to make it possible for him to have his kids 50/50. I felt completely trapped.
I stayed.
Over the following years he lied constantly about big and small things. He's now faced that behaviour and understood it as a habit (like a teenager), and grown himself out of it.
Whenever I stood up for myself - which was always as I'm not a pushover - it would end up in huge arguments. Lots of gaslighting by him, mostly because he had zero self awareness of his behaviour and habits and it has been a LONG and arduous journey growing him up.
Standing up for myself, big arguments etc would only magnify his behaviour.
For a couple of years he faked panic attacks. Including throwing himself down our stairs 4-5 times. Including an 8 hour fake attack where he worked himself up to almost hyperventilating and choking, and I had to shove a pen in his throat to stop him. I did this on a few different occasions actually. The 8 hour one, his kids were here. He was on our bedroom floor after throwing himself off our bed, and I was going in and out, looking after the kids, telling them dad was unwell and resting; and looking after him / trying to contain the situation. He had therapy, the therapist confirmed his behaviour was an attempt to manipulate me and that his panic attacks weren't real.
He's threatened to unalive himself dozens of times. He's fake cut his wrists dozens of times. I've had to wrestle knives off him a few times and he's truly wrestled me, could have seriously hurt me etc. He's driven off in the car while drinking alcohol / taking alcohol with him. He's taken an overdose of pills while chatting to mates online. This was all out of my earshot, but then one of the mates turned up at the house worried about him. I ended up taking him to emergency and he was admitted to a psych ward for a week. The day after he came out was Christmas Day and "we" were hosting lunch for 11 people. I spent the day trying to hide his incredibly fragile state from all his family, and kids, so as not to ruin the day - and because none of them would have handled it with any grace.
I've had the police at the house a few times, once when he was drunk and called a mate, saying he was going to un alive himself because I was leaving him. Again his kids were here and I had to shuffle the police to a dark corner outside and get them to leave, to protect his kids from the chaos. They drove him off in the police car, put him in the lock up for the night, and fortunately he got home before the kids woke up.
He copied extensive amounts of texts between him and I - texts where I was VERY angry and hostile, and had plenty of harsh / attacking things to say - he emailed those texts to a former best friend of mine who works in couples therapy. A friend I've had no contact with for 15 years, a friendship I quietly quit due to her disregard of me, a woman he's never met, only heard about. Who the fuck does something like that?! He sent the same texts to his therapist, his mother, and a woman who I don't know, apparently a former therapist his friend, seeking validation that I'm the problem and he's the victim.
He went for drinks - I don't know how many times - with the same former therapist woman friend, and her male friends and told them all about how unfair I was.
6mths after we got married he joined a sex site, went into chat rooms and over time sent messages to a dozen or so women. Not foul, crude messages, but suggestive and flirty. I caught him out in this 2yrs after our wedding, so he'd been in and out of the site for 18mths. He insists he only ever contacted the women in the hope of talking as he was lonely. He also insists he only went into the site when it seemed like our relationship was over. He has never shown a clear understanding that his story doesn't pass the reasonable person test, that it's not plausible and most reasonable people would call bullsh**, given the content of his messages to the women.
When I found out about the sex site I ended our marriage. But we've remained in the same house since, for the reasons I explained above (renovation, stuck).
During this period of separation, months now, he has become a "mostly" very different man. It's clear he's working very hard on himself and he has a lot of clarity about his past behaviour.
He's made it clear he wants to save our marriage, whatever it takes.
In this period of separation he has also - while we were in a tropical holiday together and really starting to reconnect , but following a setback in that connection - taken himself off for an erotic massage. I didn't know that at the time, we got past the setback, we were intimate on this amazing holiday - 2 days after the massage that I had no idea about.
Two weeks after we got back from the holiday, he wrote to the former therapist / friend - in the period of separation where he was still begging me to give our marriage another chance and see how much he was trying - and said he'd booked a session with a prostitute. They encouraged him to go, and said why not, fuck her (meaning me). He insists he never went. I'll never know.
The things he has done are outrageous, toxic, unstable, frightening, harmful.
But for reasons I can't explain, I also know they are not HIM. Someone here will know what I mean by that. I just don't have the words to explain it.
I don't know how someone's behaviour can be so disconnected from their soul but that's how I would describe him and his choices over the last decade. A complete disconnect between his intentions and his actions. A complete disconnect between who he is, who he believes he is, who he presents as when life is easy and normal. Anything challenging though, he falls apart and records to easy gratification, quick attention, lack of impulse control etc. Just bad, stupid behaviours and choices that have done untold damage. This from a grown man, who is widely viewed as the most peaceful, non-aggreasive, reasonable, easy going, guy, who runs a successful business, is loved by all of his customers for his gentleness etc.
He's been on a BIG personal journey and is very clearly a different man now. On one level I don't believe he'd ever do any of those things again. He's had extensive counselling. He's been very honest with himself. He's been very honest with me. He's taken full accountability. He has no expectations of me at all but consistently shows and tells me that he wants to do whatever it takes to heal our marriage.
All his devices, all his socials, emails, phone etc are an open book. I have all his passwords etc. I could go on, but you get the gist.
We are navigating the possibility of staying together, sometimes we date, sometimes we're intimate, it's 100% on my schedule. It's very up and down.
I've been clear with him that I have no grace left to give him. That the last decade has been traumatic for me and I'm triggered by everything, all the time.
He understands that my #1 priority is my own emotional and mental wellbeing, and that an enormous amount of damage has been done to both.
For more context, during all this time, his children caused tension between households, almost like a sport. Their mother is bipolar, very controlling and has huge swings. She has so told some devastating lies about me, our household etc. The children have lied to her about us many times, to avoid getting in trouble with her. As an example, they didn't call her one birthday. They told her - on speaker phone, in earshot of us - that we wouldn't let them have their phones. She then proceeded to call us every disgusting, foul things under the sun. This kind of thing happened all the time, every single week for a years. There is more, much much worse, but I don't feel comfortable sharing it.
Things I've observed in him - absolute lack of impulse control, very fragile ego needing constant validation, reaching for the closest thing to soothe himself when he has big feelings eg substances, attention from women. Total emotional dysregulation.
Any time I tried to discuss these things with him he took them as an attack. Nowadays he sees it all himself, especially through the lens of understanding his ADHD.
He's been in and out of therapy for years. Mostly useless, because his stories to the therapists are always very self-serving. He painted himself as the victim (of my anger at his behaviour) many times.
And so, with all of that, my challenge is - nowadays even when it's clear his ADHD is at play, and impacting his behaviour, communication etc - I have zero tolerance or patience.
It means I can't support him through his struggles because I stayed through all the trauma and it feels like I have nothing left to give him.
I'm here for happiness between us, but anything that resembles him being thoughtless, careless, mean etc - even if explainable by the ADHD - is a massive trigger for me. I run out of patience in seconds.
How do I move forward? What does it take to heal from this kind of decade? How do you heal a marriage from the worst things?
2024.05.01 07:01 Total-Ad-1152 [NF] I need help
Hi, I am a 30 year old male and I don’t know what to do. My mental state is getting worse day by day and my motivation to live is disappearing. I’ll try to share information that I think is crucial so you guys can form a good idea of what’s going on. I’ll start at the beginning.
I grew up in an average middle class family in a small country in western Europe (this is relevant later). Even though no extreme events happened, it wasn’t a happy household.
My parents married for the sole reason that my mother was pregnant from her 1st child, me. With my dad’s parents being very religious, I was going to be a bastard if my parents remained unmarried. Not long after the marriage, I was born and 3 years later, my sister came into this world too.
Growing up, we never saw any love between our parents. They purposely did opposite shifts at work so they could avoid each other at home as much as possible and when they were both home, there were lots of arguments and fights between them. It was another scenario where parents stayed together for the kids.
This went on for multiple years. When I reached the age of 12, my mother finally approached me with the news that they were going to divorce and that things were going to be better. I was honestly relieved to know that those endless arguments were going to stop.
Here is where things started going south for me. My parents have an age gap of 10 years with my dad being the older, more old fashioned parent. Since the divorce, my father lost his ways and ended up drinking his emotions away.
My parents shared 50/50 custody over my sister and I and during the weeks at my father’s, him and I clashed a lot over pointless things. I was entering puberty with emotions all over the place and a drinking father disapproving my hobbies and friends. Sometimes situations would escalate and stuff would fly through the house or we’d attack each other physically. Again, no major events or injuries. I’m sure every household with kids/teenagers have ups and downs.
Anyway, I ran away from home a lot cause I couldn’t stand being in the same house as my father while he was drunk, which was almost every day. He would wake up around 8 or 9am and pour himself a glass of whiskey and take the bottle with him to fill up whenever.
Cause I ran away a lot, my father started insisting that something was wrong with me and that I needed professional help. After multiple consultations with therapists, my parents decided to put me in an asylum for minors. I shared a room with a dude who tried stabbing his parents so yeah, very sketchy environment. During my time at that facility I had to practice a very strict set of rules that came with severe sanctions if disobeyed. For example, physical contact between people wasn’t allowed at all, even friendly gestures. On my 14th birthday, I went down to the lunch room to have breakfast with all the kids and therapists and since a few kids knew about my birthday, they approached me and shook my hand to wish me a good one. This action was strictly forbidden and I was locked up in my room for 24 hours with nothing but a bed, chair and table so I had nothing else to do but sit and think about my mistakes. Happy Birthday to me, I guess.
That place was a terrible experience, but after a few months I was cleared for release. Turns out nothing was wrong with me, except for a mild form of ADHD and hyper sensitivity. Other than that, my behavior at the time was a result of my parents’ war of a divorce.
Things between my father and I were still not 100% so we kept up weekly therapy sessions. The therapist and my father then agreed that it would be good for me to send me to a boarding school so I’d have structure and discipline during the week days to help me gain stability over my emotions. It sucked because I only just left the asylum a few months and off to boarding school I went.
Being around lots of similar aged kids though, I started making friends, especially with one guy in particular. Let’s call him W.
W and I started bonding quickly as we discovered that we had similar issues in our lives with his father being an alcoholic too. As we went through our teenager years, W and I built a brother-like connection. We were always together. Whether I’d stay at his place during weekends or visa versa.
One day, I received a heartbreaking message from W that he walked in at his father’s place, only to discover that the poor man had passed away in his sleep to a stomach bleeding cause of the excessive drinking. I was 19, just had my driver’s license and my father was sleeping off his hangover so I grabbed the keys to his car and drove as fast as possible to W’s father’s home. I arrived before any authorities made it there and did my very best to try and comfort W as we were both crying over his father’s body. It was a difficult time for W and his family so I stayed with them every day for the following weeks to offer support. W and I had our ways of looking after each other, so I had a tattoo done on my chest where my heart is with a drawing of his eye to represent that connection we shared.
Not long after that I met my girlfriend, let’s call her S. As soon as S and I started dating, W wasn’t a fan of her. If we were hanging out together, he’d only express negative energy towards her like demeaning comments, only disagreeing with her, stuff like that.
I didn’t say much about it at first. It didn’t happen often that I’d meet with W and S at the same time since I was aware that they didn’t get along that well.
Aged 21, I starting renting my own apartment. W of course knew about this and we agreed that he could move in to share costs and relive the boarding school days of being around each other all the time. I had only one condition and that was for W to step up his game and treat S with respect. Our relationship had become more serious and S was going to come around frequently. Last thing I wanted in my household was awkwardness and friction. He complied and sure enough, they seemed to be getting along better. They could even laugh and make jokes together.
Life was good and we had an amazing time. W introduced me to some of his friends who quickly became my friends too. Before we knew it, we had sessions happening every weekend where we’d play video games, consume some green and relax with some tunes in the background.
In the next year I noticed when S came around, her level of excitement and enthusiasm was gradually getting lower and lower. She wasn’t feeling comfortable and wasn’t passing the vibe check, which frustrated me. I’d ask her what was wrong, bit she kept saying it was nothing. After a while I got that annoyed with it that I started launching comments towards her like “if you’re only coming by to sit here with a long face, then stay home”. I was being a real idiot about it. S would still come around and tried her best to lift her spirit. Some days were good, other days weren’t.
One particular day I received a message from S that she was on her way and that she had to talk to me about something. Not suspecting anything big I was waiting for her arrival. Usually she’d use the spare key I gave her to just walk in but this day S decided to stay down at the parking lot, asking me to meet her there. All confused I walked down. I approached S and I noticed a scared look on her face. She pulled out her phone and without saying a word shows me a screenshot from a chat between her and W where he’s trash talking me, saying I’m no good for her and also a bunch of things he would like to do to her sexually. These messages dated back to almost a year prior to the day of her showing me. She never responded to them but was too scared to tell me about it, knowing she might ruin the friendship W and I had. She didn’t want to hurt me that way, but instead was hurting herself keeping it quiet. That’s when it all dawned on me. W was jealous since the start of my relationship with S. Jealous that I had a wonderful girlfriend who didn’t just look good on the outside, but also had a golden personality. S was a quiet, but loving and caring lady. Even though W dated a bit too, he had never been with someone like S who was the total package. It also explains the rude behaviour at the start of my relationship with S. He must’ve realised he wasn’t in the league to win over a girl like her and worked it out on S.
I was in shock. The person I trusted the most, the person I shared so many emotions with stabbed me in the back with the biggest knife he could find. My blood was boiling and I told S it was best to return home for that day and let me handle it. I went back up to my apartment and as I walk in, W was sitting in the couch looking defeated. He knew exactly what was going on and didn’t even try defending himself. He packed his stuff, which was only a small backpack full of clothing, and left immediately, having ruined the friendship we had.
This wrecked me because not only did I lose my closest friend, but the other boys of our group disappeared from my life together with W. The relationship with S also wasn’t the same anymore so that didn’t last much longer either.
After multiple months of dealing with loneliness and sadness, I managed to pick myself back up and tried to socialise again. Slowly I became part of a new group of friends. Even though all the boys in this group were amazing people, there was one guy in particular I clicked best with. I’ll refer to him as J.
J and I had lots of similar interests and a shared sense of humour which is a good recipe for bonding. We hung out almost every day after work and we’d share all our laugh and tears together. Thanks to J’s presence and support, I slowly became a happier version of myself again.
I was still dealing with bad emotions from the experiences in my past and I was feeling stuck in life. The job I had at the time was nothing within my range of interests. As a school dropout, I didn’t have any proof of education to chase a different career so I was stuck with minimum wage job offers that didn’t need any specific background. I was working in a warehouse, stacking pallets all day. The only required skills were being able to read, walk and lift boxes. There was no passion or ambition involved doing this kind of work, but it paid just about enough to cover my monthly expenses so I just kept going.
It was only a matter of time until I reached a stage of disappointment with how my life was unfolding, or not unfolding actually. I wasn’t saving money and I wasn’t making any progress in life. I also tried dating again, but that didn’t bring any peace to my mind either.
I was going through my daily routine with questions like: “Is this going to be my life? Am I really doomed to be stuck in this cycle? What’s the point to keep trying?” Unless I was going to make big changes in life, I wasn’t seeing a way out of that depression.
Thankfully J was very supportive and understanding and he offered me a shoulder to cry on. He took the time to really listen to me and in case he couldn’t help, he would at least distract me from the bad thoughts to help me regain little bits of positive energy. This is what kept me from giving up, cause if it wasn’t for J’s support, I’m not sure what would’ve happened to me.
Fast forward some time to July 2019, where I got introduced to N, a close friend of J. N was visiting our home country after a year of traveling and working in Australia and of course he went around and shared his amazing stories with everyone. One Friday night, N reached out to me with the question if he could drop by my place and work together on a travel video. I’m a bit of a geek and was doing some audio productions and video editing in my spare time. While working on this video, I got to see all the stunning locations he visited, the beautiful people he met from all over the world as well as the cool jobs he’s done to support his stay there.
I was blown away from his stories and it triggered an interest to try and do the same. I was only 25 at the time with nothing holding me back except for some stuff and a rental contract.
Since N was going back to continue his travels, he made an offer that if I fly to Australia, he’d come pick me up from the airport and assist me in organising a few things like bank account, phone number, first job, etc. I didn’t think about it at all and applied for my work visa the same weekend on Sunday, which got granted straight away.
I shared this exciting news with J and only a week later, J sent me an update how he applied for the same visa. Over the following weeks, I sold all my belongings and found a new renter to take over my rental contract.
At the start of August 2019, J and I took off to Australia as well with N waiting at the airport for us. While still on the plane, I kind of knew already that I was going to try and go for permanent residency, considering I didn’t have much of a life to return to.
J and I arrived well and within 2 weeks, thanks to N’s help, we were both set up with all required documents, licenses and our first job ready to go. I’ll save you all the details but to extend our stay by another year, we had to work a certain amount of days in specific industries to earn our next year’s visa. There are only a limited amount of extensions available so eventually I had to change my methods if I wanted to achieve permanent residency.
Since J and I had different ways of how we wanted to spend our limited time here, we went our separate ways after the first job was done. I then continued my travels alone and was chasing jobs that offered sponsorships to keep internationals like myself in the country.
Throughout my travels I reached my highest peaks, but also my lowest depths. It might be a cliché, but it’s true what people say about finding yourself. Being a solo traveler, there were no other people standing up for me or anything. I was 100% depending on myself and my own actions. Not just that, but I’m also a foreigner here so sometimes I had to deal with people treating you like you’re less of a human than a local.
Anyway, my search for jobs with the opportunity to get sponsored went on. Unfortunately most employers made empty promises just to keep me working hard and take advantage of my gullibility. Now I realise I should’ve invested some money into migration lawyers and gather my own information, but at the time I was excited and happy to have been given an opportunity, so I didn’t doubt anything and threw myself straight into the job. Once the job was done or when harvest season was over, I’d end up without a job and had to start again. In other occasions where the employers could legitimately keep workers in the country, it was the lack of my paperwork that kept me from being sponsored. I needed at least a certain degree or a certain amount of experience within a specific trade to be eligible for that sponsorship. This means that, unless I was going to marry a local lady, there wasn’t an option for me to stay.
Now I am 2 months away from the end of this visa, which is my last one and then I will have to leave the country permanently. I’m scared for my future. I don’t want to end up back in the same kind of life I had before I left to Australia. Especially having the knowledge of what could’ve been my life.
I could go and study for a diploma and increase my chances to build a reasonable career, but I’m just so exhausted and drained. I don’t think I have what it takes to achieve this. I’m 30 years old now and I feel like I have some sort of biological clock ticking if I want to reach certain goals at a reasonable age. I also feel like that from now on, life will only get more and more serious with responsibilities increasing every year I get older. What’s the point? Do I even want to grow old? The best years of my life have passed now. I don’t have any motivation to put in all this effort into what is most likely going to be a boring, routine life of just surviving without any room for extras. I still walk around with that tattoo on my chest of W’s eye. Even though he hurt me a lot back then, I miss him and the boys a lot. Having to go back home soon will be an even bigger confrontation of what’s out of reach.
To the people who felt the same, how do you process your emotions? How do you keep your head up? I’m so lost right now that I just want to give up on life. I’m not very close to family and with my home country being one the highest taxed places in the world, there’s no room for freedom or extras. Every cent earned is needed for responsible decisions and what used to be a middle class life is now a life of poverty. People are freezing in their homes cause they can’t afford the power bills. People can’t work more than 40 hours per week because overtime hours are taxed higher than the normal hours so you’d just be losing money.
My home country is messed up. The world is messed up. I am messed up.
submitted by Total-Ad-1152 to story [link] [comments]
I grew up in an average middle class family in a small country in western Europe (this is relevant later). Even though no extreme events happened, it wasn’t a happy household.
My parents married for the sole reason that my mother was pregnant from her 1st child, me. With my dad’s parents being very religious, I was going to be a bastard if my parents remained unmarried. Not long after the marriage, I was born and 3 years later, my sister came into this world too.
Growing up, we never saw any love between our parents. They purposely did opposite shifts at work so they could avoid each other at home as much as possible and when they were both home, there were lots of arguments and fights between them. It was another scenario where parents stayed together for the kids.
This went on for multiple years. When I reached the age of 12, my mother finally approached me with the news that they were going to divorce and that things were going to be better. I was honestly relieved to know that those endless arguments were going to stop.
Here is where things started going south for me. My parents have an age gap of 10 years with my dad being the older, more old fashioned parent. Since the divorce, my father lost his ways and ended up drinking his emotions away.
My parents shared 50/50 custody over my sister and I and during the weeks at my father’s, him and I clashed a lot over pointless things. I was entering puberty with emotions all over the place and a drinking father disapproving my hobbies and friends. Sometimes situations would escalate and stuff would fly through the house or we’d attack each other physically. Again, no major events or injuries. I’m sure every household with kids/teenagers have ups and downs.
Anyway, I ran away from home a lot cause I couldn’t stand being in the same house as my father while he was drunk, which was almost every day. He would wake up around 8 or 9am and pour himself a glass of whiskey and take the bottle with him to fill up whenever.
Cause I ran away a lot, my father started insisting that something was wrong with me and that I needed professional help. After multiple consultations with therapists, my parents decided to put me in an asylum for minors. I shared a room with a dude who tried stabbing his parents so yeah, very sketchy environment. During my time at that facility I had to practice a very strict set of rules that came with severe sanctions if disobeyed. For example, physical contact between people wasn’t allowed at all, even friendly gestures. On my 14th birthday, I went down to the lunch room to have breakfast with all the kids and therapists and since a few kids knew about my birthday, they approached me and shook my hand to wish me a good one. This action was strictly forbidden and I was locked up in my room for 24 hours with nothing but a bed, chair and table so I had nothing else to do but sit and think about my mistakes. Happy Birthday to me, I guess.
That place was a terrible experience, but after a few months I was cleared for release. Turns out nothing was wrong with me, except for a mild form of ADHD and hyper sensitivity. Other than that, my behavior at the time was a result of my parents’ war of a divorce.
Things between my father and I were still not 100% so we kept up weekly therapy sessions. The therapist and my father then agreed that it would be good for me to send me to a boarding school so I’d have structure and discipline during the week days to help me gain stability over my emotions. It sucked because I only just left the asylum a few months and off to boarding school I went.
Being around lots of similar aged kids though, I started making friends, especially with one guy in particular. Let’s call him W.
W and I started bonding quickly as we discovered that we had similar issues in our lives with his father being an alcoholic too. As we went through our teenager years, W and I built a brother-like connection. We were always together. Whether I’d stay at his place during weekends or visa versa.
One day, I received a heartbreaking message from W that he walked in at his father’s place, only to discover that the poor man had passed away in his sleep to a stomach bleeding cause of the excessive drinking. I was 19, just had my driver’s license and my father was sleeping off his hangover so I grabbed the keys to his car and drove as fast as possible to W’s father’s home. I arrived before any authorities made it there and did my very best to try and comfort W as we were both crying over his father’s body. It was a difficult time for W and his family so I stayed with them every day for the following weeks to offer support. W and I had our ways of looking after each other, so I had a tattoo done on my chest where my heart is with a drawing of his eye to represent that connection we shared.
Not long after that I met my girlfriend, let’s call her S. As soon as S and I started dating, W wasn’t a fan of her. If we were hanging out together, he’d only express negative energy towards her like demeaning comments, only disagreeing with her, stuff like that.
I didn’t say much about it at first. It didn’t happen often that I’d meet with W and S at the same time since I was aware that they didn’t get along that well.
Aged 21, I starting renting my own apartment. W of course knew about this and we agreed that he could move in to share costs and relive the boarding school days of being around each other all the time. I had only one condition and that was for W to step up his game and treat S with respect. Our relationship had become more serious and S was going to come around frequently. Last thing I wanted in my household was awkwardness and friction. He complied and sure enough, they seemed to be getting along better. They could even laugh and make jokes together.
Life was good and we had an amazing time. W introduced me to some of his friends who quickly became my friends too. Before we knew it, we had sessions happening every weekend where we’d play video games, consume some green and relax with some tunes in the background.
In the next year I noticed when S came around, her level of excitement and enthusiasm was gradually getting lower and lower. She wasn’t feeling comfortable and wasn’t passing the vibe check, which frustrated me. I’d ask her what was wrong, bit she kept saying it was nothing. After a while I got that annoyed with it that I started launching comments towards her like “if you’re only coming by to sit here with a long face, then stay home”. I was being a real idiot about it. S would still come around and tried her best to lift her spirit. Some days were good, other days weren’t.
One particular day I received a message from S that she was on her way and that she had to talk to me about something. Not suspecting anything big I was waiting for her arrival. Usually she’d use the spare key I gave her to just walk in but this day S decided to stay down at the parking lot, asking me to meet her there. All confused I walked down. I approached S and I noticed a scared look on her face. She pulled out her phone and without saying a word shows me a screenshot from a chat between her and W where he’s trash talking me, saying I’m no good for her and also a bunch of things he would like to do to her sexually. These messages dated back to almost a year prior to the day of her showing me. She never responded to them but was too scared to tell me about it, knowing she might ruin the friendship W and I had. She didn’t want to hurt me that way, but instead was hurting herself keeping it quiet. That’s when it all dawned on me. W was jealous since the start of my relationship with S. Jealous that I had a wonderful girlfriend who didn’t just look good on the outside, but also had a golden personality. S was a quiet, but loving and caring lady. Even though W dated a bit too, he had never been with someone like S who was the total package. It also explains the rude behaviour at the start of my relationship with S. He must’ve realised he wasn’t in the league to win over a girl like her and worked it out on S.
I was in shock. The person I trusted the most, the person I shared so many emotions with stabbed me in the back with the biggest knife he could find. My blood was boiling and I told S it was best to return home for that day and let me handle it. I went back up to my apartment and as I walk in, W was sitting in the couch looking defeated. He knew exactly what was going on and didn’t even try defending himself. He packed his stuff, which was only a small backpack full of clothing, and left immediately, having ruined the friendship we had.
This wrecked me because not only did I lose my closest friend, but the other boys of our group disappeared from my life together with W. The relationship with S also wasn’t the same anymore so that didn’t last much longer either.
After multiple months of dealing with loneliness and sadness, I managed to pick myself back up and tried to socialise again. Slowly I became part of a new group of friends. Even though all the boys in this group were amazing people, there was one guy in particular I clicked best with. I’ll refer to him as J.
J and I had lots of similar interests and a shared sense of humour which is a good recipe for bonding. We hung out almost every day after work and we’d share all our laugh and tears together. Thanks to J’s presence and support, I slowly became a happier version of myself again.
I was still dealing with bad emotions from the experiences in my past and I was feeling stuck in life. The job I had at the time was nothing within my range of interests. As a school dropout, I didn’t have any proof of education to chase a different career so I was stuck with minimum wage job offers that didn’t need any specific background. I was working in a warehouse, stacking pallets all day. The only required skills were being able to read, walk and lift boxes. There was no passion or ambition involved doing this kind of work, but it paid just about enough to cover my monthly expenses so I just kept going.
It was only a matter of time until I reached a stage of disappointment with how my life was unfolding, or not unfolding actually. I wasn’t saving money and I wasn’t making any progress in life. I also tried dating again, but that didn’t bring any peace to my mind either.
I was going through my daily routine with questions like: “Is this going to be my life? Am I really doomed to be stuck in this cycle? What’s the point to keep trying?” Unless I was going to make big changes in life, I wasn’t seeing a way out of that depression.
Thankfully J was very supportive and understanding and he offered me a shoulder to cry on. He took the time to really listen to me and in case he couldn’t help, he would at least distract me from the bad thoughts to help me regain little bits of positive energy. This is what kept me from giving up, cause if it wasn’t for J’s support, I’m not sure what would’ve happened to me.
Fast forward some time to July 2019, where I got introduced to N, a close friend of J. N was visiting our home country after a year of traveling and working in Australia and of course he went around and shared his amazing stories with everyone. One Friday night, N reached out to me with the question if he could drop by my place and work together on a travel video. I’m a bit of a geek and was doing some audio productions and video editing in my spare time. While working on this video, I got to see all the stunning locations he visited, the beautiful people he met from all over the world as well as the cool jobs he’s done to support his stay there.
I was blown away from his stories and it triggered an interest to try and do the same. I was only 25 at the time with nothing holding me back except for some stuff and a rental contract.
Since N was going back to continue his travels, he made an offer that if I fly to Australia, he’d come pick me up from the airport and assist me in organising a few things like bank account, phone number, first job, etc. I didn’t think about it at all and applied for my work visa the same weekend on Sunday, which got granted straight away.
I shared this exciting news with J and only a week later, J sent me an update how he applied for the same visa. Over the following weeks, I sold all my belongings and found a new renter to take over my rental contract.
At the start of August 2019, J and I took off to Australia as well with N waiting at the airport for us. While still on the plane, I kind of knew already that I was going to try and go for permanent residency, considering I didn’t have much of a life to return to.
J and I arrived well and within 2 weeks, thanks to N’s help, we were both set up with all required documents, licenses and our first job ready to go. I’ll save you all the details but to extend our stay by another year, we had to work a certain amount of days in specific industries to earn our next year’s visa. There are only a limited amount of extensions available so eventually I had to change my methods if I wanted to achieve permanent residency.
Since J and I had different ways of how we wanted to spend our limited time here, we went our separate ways after the first job was done. I then continued my travels alone and was chasing jobs that offered sponsorships to keep internationals like myself in the country.
Throughout my travels I reached my highest peaks, but also my lowest depths. It might be a cliché, but it’s true what people say about finding yourself. Being a solo traveler, there were no other people standing up for me or anything. I was 100% depending on myself and my own actions. Not just that, but I’m also a foreigner here so sometimes I had to deal with people treating you like you’re less of a human than a local.
Anyway, my search for jobs with the opportunity to get sponsored went on. Unfortunately most employers made empty promises just to keep me working hard and take advantage of my gullibility. Now I realise I should’ve invested some money into migration lawyers and gather my own information, but at the time I was excited and happy to have been given an opportunity, so I didn’t doubt anything and threw myself straight into the job. Once the job was done or when harvest season was over, I’d end up without a job and had to start again. In other occasions where the employers could legitimately keep workers in the country, it was the lack of my paperwork that kept me from being sponsored. I needed at least a certain degree or a certain amount of experience within a specific trade to be eligible for that sponsorship. This means that, unless I was going to marry a local lady, there wasn’t an option for me to stay.
Now I am 2 months away from the end of this visa, which is my last one and then I will have to leave the country permanently. I’m scared for my future. I don’t want to end up back in the same kind of life I had before I left to Australia. Especially having the knowledge of what could’ve been my life.
I could go and study for a diploma and increase my chances to build a reasonable career, but I’m just so exhausted and drained. I don’t think I have what it takes to achieve this. I’m 30 years old now and I feel like I have some sort of biological clock ticking if I want to reach certain goals at a reasonable age. I also feel like that from now on, life will only get more and more serious with responsibilities increasing every year I get older. What’s the point? Do I even want to grow old? The best years of my life have passed now. I don’t have any motivation to put in all this effort into what is most likely going to be a boring, routine life of just surviving without any room for extras. I still walk around with that tattoo on my chest of W’s eye. Even though he hurt me a lot back then, I miss him and the boys a lot. Having to go back home soon will be an even bigger confrontation of what’s out of reach.
To the people who felt the same, how do you process your emotions? How do you keep your head up? I’m so lost right now that I just want to give up on life. I’m not very close to family and with my home country being one the highest taxed places in the world, there’s no room for freedom or extras. Every cent earned is needed for responsible decisions and what used to be a middle class life is now a life of poverty. People are freezing in their homes cause they can’t afford the power bills. People can’t work more than 40 hours per week because overtime hours are taxed higher than the normal hours so you’d just be losing money.
My home country is messed up. The world is messed up. I am messed up.
2024.05.01 06:49 Distinct-Ad-1348 This whole exchange is laughable
 | The only thing she cares about in the world is Cruz? She cares more about tequila, mom’s night out, US weekly covers, concerts/events, sleeping in, being in front of cameras, fame, photoshopping, defrauding, and hoarding more than she cares for her poor son. Another alcohol/drinking seed planted by Jax. submitted by Distinct-Ad-1348 to BlockedByJax [link] [comments] Jax has to work? What exactly is he doing for “work?” He can’t be talking about the bar since he doesn’t have a title or salary or a reason to be there. “‘My ‘job’ considers me to leave the house.” I assume he means requires? But just further proof that he is such a moron, and that there is no requirement for him to be anywhere. Jax is a planner? That’s just who he is? He’s never once followed through on a plan in his life outside of his marriage- and that’s only because Brittany wouldn’t leave. Tudio City wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for the people who actually own and operate it. Him bringing up their house that they are so underwater in they should be holding their breaths, is laughable. Jax covering his bald spot as he walks away 😂 Brittany’s downturned mouth that I could not take seriously if I was in front of her😂 He haaaaates her and it’s palpable. |
2024.05.01 06:37 Olivyia Yet another feedback for thy game
Greetings fellow nobles,
I have been playing this game for hours on end since the release, it has scratched the itch that Banished and the Settlers have left behind. Few RTS make it to be worthwhile and replayable, this has the potential to be the next big one. I'd say its strength definitely lies in its realism, very few RTS have made micromanaging as important, shedding light about the struggles of building and managing a city, its population, its resources, and even its animals. My favourite game mechanics so far is the field fertility, even if it's not 100% logical, it's one hell of a concept to integrate into a game. For a one-man-show developer this is very impressive ! Kuddos Greg.
Now of course, I have my criticisms and some negative thoughts, but don't let that take away from your achievement; it's an unfinished game and you yourself know it better than anyone.
I won't go over every single unit or buildings, just some highlights and more on the macro designs themselves. Onto it then:
Farad gesunde !
(...I'm not pregnant, it was just a joke)
submitted by Olivyia to ManorLords [link] [comments]
I have been playing this game for hours on end since the release, it has scratched the itch that Banished and the Settlers have left behind. Few RTS make it to be worthwhile and replayable, this has the potential to be the next big one. I'd say its strength definitely lies in its realism, very few RTS have made micromanaging as important, shedding light about the struggles of building and managing a city, its population, its resources, and even its animals. My favourite game mechanics so far is the field fertility, even if it's not 100% logical, it's one hell of a concept to integrate into a game. For a one-man-show developer this is very impressive ! Kuddos Greg.
Now of course, I have my criticisms and some negative thoughts, but don't let that take away from your achievement; it's an unfinished game and you yourself know it better than anyone.
I won't go over every single unit or buildings, just some highlights and more on the macro designs themselves. Onto it then:
- Common feedbacks I've seen on Discord and here is about the speed of acquisition of certain things (or the slowness of them). Examples of that is : the lumberjacks are too quick, the cobbler is too quick, but the chicken coop is too slow, the charcoal kiln is too slow, etc. I agree on some, disagree on others. As I said above, the strength of this game for me lies in its realism, as RTS's often skew on realism to keep us engaged (everything is much much faster than it'd be IRL, often illogically so). For me, a tree = a log is fair, and it doesn't take that long for a real tree to fall and get debranched - it does however take a long while to grow. On the other hand, a pair of shoes every two day isn't realistic (ballpark back then would be 3 weeks minimum). All that to say that a direction should be taken as in how realistic (and therefore strenuous) do we make the different processes, at the risk of being less engaging or do we push the game in the micromanaging sphere even more by making everything normalized at the ''fast'' setting. Normalizing is the issue. Until then I'll be happy to relocate my logging camps and foresters every now and then, and quadruple check whether my fletcher or cobbler are going haywire on my hard-earned resources.
- Limitations. Another common topic. Something games like Settlers, Starcraft/Warcraft, Rise of Nations, etc, have pushed for a long time. Having hard caps on resources, limitations on buildings etc. While it could be more useful than the current void of it all, I feel like limits should be decided by the players (Settlers did that after a while, and it was quite good IMO). So say I take a visit to my extremely skilled fletcher, who magically makes arrows appear from thin air, I can tell him ''hoi mate, thou shall not maketh more than 36 bows''. On the topic of limitations, I'd love for the market to allow for bartering, negotiating, or having limits on the price you're willing to pay/sell. Another chapter : designated zones. Be it a farmstead who shouldn't meddle with another, a lumberjack/forester who should have a customizable clearing zone (drag N drop), or a landlord who should be able to decide whether or not he wants people to show up in his town (of course other than plaguing his own fiefdom with high taxes, alcohol withdrawal or the smell of rotting corpses).
- Mo'buildings, or mo'modulations ? One thing I was quite confused about is this very topic. We have buildings like the huts who can be upgraded to have bakeries, armorers, nosy neighbors, whole god damn orchards (wildest one), etc. but then we also have 3 different trade centers, a farmhouse that can't handle livestock, a smithy who cannot handle the heat of a smelt (bloomery), and oxen that leave poop and hay all over town (figuratively speaking). Couldn't we have a Trading post that can encompass a Pack station, a livestock trading post and even a stable in the same vicinity ? As modulars or upgrades or whatever you want to call it. Couldn't a Bloomery evolve into a Smithy using a Firestone (wait, wrong game), couldn't specific buildings that use livestock have their own hitching post as an add-on ? There are some understandable ones, like I wouldn't make dyes right next to my consumption-ready berries (on that topic, iron should be needed to make dyes, it's got bite), I wouldn't dust charcoal ash all over my firewood either. Future add-ons could include a nursery for the church, nurseries for huts, nurseries for plants... (i might be pregnant, gonna buy a test...).
- I'm going to take a pause here to say that I am very very hyped for some of the future features that I've seen, my favourite being SMELL, because I instinctively think to put my Tanning station far away from huts for example, I also keep them away from the sound of sawmills and the fire hazards of the kilns, but I am also a self-diagnosed maniac. I very much hope to see kids in the future (of the game I mean.....)
- Military. This is where the game strays from my go-to chillax RTS : Banished. This is also where the game fails the most at the moment in my opinion. It's not super intuitive, balanced or optimized, and I can only hope a serious focus will be put here, because I dare to say the game would be better without that aspect right now. The fun thing it brings is ironically the dead bodies, because my townsfolks seem immortal otherwise and not enough unpredictable things actually happen.
- Development points. I was surprised the first time that I claimed a new region - my development points didn't carry over there. As many a colony would testify, imperialists tend to bring their knowledge and culture with them. Here in this game the wheel was the biggest invention, then again, and again, and again ! I mostly agree with the skill tree sections (logistics, nature, mercantile, military), not as much with each skill themselves, but there has been enough feedback on that topic. What I'd like to add here is I'm surprised that Faith (and perhaps later politics) is not a part of the game seeing as it's set in Medieval times where the Church (religions in general) was all-powerful.
- Roads. There should be a small speed boost when roads are used, as opposed to walking in the woods. Settlers does this and it makes the roads feel more meaningful, they can also be upgraded to stone roads, paved roads, for even bigger boosts, which would be cool as stone is not used much right now.
- Hazards. We need more ! More droughts, downpours, epidemics, wild fires, raiders, highway brigands, crops infestations, livestock sickness, traitors, deers that give you lyme's disease, goats that headbutt people, a mule that's stubborn as... a mule, poisonous berries, wolves.. I could go on and on, but I feel the more I go, the more I seem to hate having fun.
- Water. This is the main proof of the realism of this game, people drank ale over water most of the time because most of the scarce water sources would cause illness, and... well, people, livestock, wild animals never go thirsty in this game. Wells should be manned or otherwise it causes disruptions in the daily logistics, a boiling station could be added as an add-on to dramatically reduce the risk of disease. Some rivers or lakes would be cool and would make more sense as to why wild animals can stay dozens of years at the same place getting killed over and over without budging. Oh and once water is in, I NEED a moat for my manor.
- Maps. As much as I enjoy the hand-made map, I think procedural maps will be the way to go eventually. If features come about such as mountains, ravines, rivers, lakes, different biomes, etc. this would be essential for the med-long term replayability of the game.
- Pop-ups/notifications. They should happen more often for more various things ! A worker is being a lazy ass ? Let me know. A gal just fell sick ? Knock on my door ! My limit for hunting has been reached ? Ring my bell! My marketplace doesn't have the resources to make its trades ? Hit me up ! My horse has been appointed as my counselor ? I'd rather be annoyed by notifications over being annoyed because I forgot to take my family out of the communal oven duty for 3 years, including 2 without flour to process.
- Treasury. This'll be my last one (well for now at least). I am not a fan of having two distinct treasuries, at least not in the way it's currently working. While it's true that fiefs had to work together to survive and hopefully better their lives, they weren't communists either. Money was around, bartering was around, it was not as much the case of sacrificing himself for the greater good --- no space monkey here --- the lord, and the church through tithes, taxed everyone (the base limit should be 10%, not 0). I feel it'd be much simpler and more intuitive to unite the two treasuries. If we keep both then taxations should be withheld from the communal treasury. It only makes sense, but then I fear the day will come that the traders will form a union and revolt against me to form a mercantile oligarchy.
Farad gesunde !
(...I'm not pregnant, it was just a joke)
2024.05.01 05:12 jrpsmith Life is Hard
I (42 mtf pre-everything) am having a rough go of it. This isn't much of a transgender post, but I'm trans so maybe it's OK if I post here.
My brain is all mush, because of the cptsd and the alcoholism and stuff.
When my ex and I conceived our first child, (on purpose) some 13 years ago, I quit drinking. I didn't want to be my dad and I knew I had to make some major changes.
But I quit drinking. I did it. I made it nine and a half year without drinking, and then I fell off the wagon in the pandemic. I had to quarantine from my own kids one too many times and I lost it. I quit drinking again though so I'm OK on that account.
After I quit drinking... I couldn't cope anymore. My dad was abusive and kicked me out of the house when I was 15. He was abusive before that. He kicked my brother out for being gay. He didn't even really have a reason for me, he just kicked me out.
When I quit drinking, I was in so much pain. My wife didn't want me to quit. (I was drinking like a pint of 100 proof gin everyday) She liked to drink but didn't seem to understand alcoholism was a thing? In all my pain... I left her. (We shouldn't have been together in the first place.) There were a lot of fights about stuff, it need not be rehashed.
Then it was me and two little kids. I had 50 /50 custody. So I saw them as much as their mother.
I stayed sober and did my freaking best to be a good parent. I took them to the fun places. I tried to be honest with them about life. I tried to be fun. We cuddled and watched movies all the time, still do. I guess I did OK? They seem to be happy and healthy.
But I sucked, absolutely sucked, at the little things. Like acting like a human being. I probably yelled at them a little too often. They're good kids.
I did everything I was supposed to. I did my fking best. I got sober. I did the therapy. I spent time with them and took care of them. ... but it hurt the whole time.
I want that time back with my babies... but like... with better mental health. I want to do a better job... it hurts so much.
God I hope I did an OK job, didn't mess them up too much. I hope they don't hate me. I feel like such a failure. I don't even know why, by all practical accounts I'm successful?
Gosh I wish I were dead.
submitted by jrpsmith to TransLater [link] [comments]
My brain is all mush, because of the cptsd and the alcoholism and stuff.
When my ex and I conceived our first child, (on purpose) some 13 years ago, I quit drinking. I didn't want to be my dad and I knew I had to make some major changes.
But I quit drinking. I did it. I made it nine and a half year without drinking, and then I fell off the wagon in the pandemic. I had to quarantine from my own kids one too many times and I lost it. I quit drinking again though so I'm OK on that account.
After I quit drinking... I couldn't cope anymore. My dad was abusive and kicked me out of the house when I was 15. He was abusive before that. He kicked my brother out for being gay. He didn't even really have a reason for me, he just kicked me out.
When I quit drinking, I was in so much pain. My wife didn't want me to quit. (I was drinking like a pint of 100 proof gin everyday) She liked to drink but didn't seem to understand alcoholism was a thing? In all my pain... I left her. (We shouldn't have been together in the first place.) There were a lot of fights about stuff, it need not be rehashed.
Then it was me and two little kids. I had 50 /50 custody. So I saw them as much as their mother.
I stayed sober and did my freaking best to be a good parent. I took them to the fun places. I tried to be honest with them about life. I tried to be fun. We cuddled and watched movies all the time, still do. I guess I did OK? They seem to be happy and healthy.
But I sucked, absolutely sucked, at the little things. Like acting like a human being. I probably yelled at them a little too often. They're good kids.
I did everything I was supposed to. I did my fking best. I got sober. I did the therapy. I spent time with them and took care of them. ... but it hurt the whole time.
I want that time back with my babies... but like... with better mental health. I want to do a better job... it hurts so much.
God I hope I did an OK job, didn't mess them up too much. I hope they don't hate me. I feel like such a failure. I don't even know why, by all practical accounts I'm successful?
Gosh I wish I were dead.