[First] [Previous] [Next]
For a moment I am shocked. If I had expected anyone to be here, aside from the Librarian herself, it would be Ricardo! But I guess the world is trying to surprise me today? Then again, considering the rumors, miss Pelafina wasn’t that much of an outrage either.

Then it hits me. What does she mean ‘took you long enough’, huh!?

“She was waiting for y—”

Yes I get that part! Was this whole deal a game for her?

I take my first steps towards her, a little indignant and I feel it is justified, but then I notice something in the corner of my eye. Movement. I immediately turn on my heels to face it: there’s shades of black in the darkness, at least in one spot. Soon, a figure steps up from the corner of the room, dressed in a long black cloak, dressing pants and elegant shoes. The hood covers their head and some magical darkness obscurs their eyes, but I can see a few locks of green hair slip from underneath the shadow.

The figure lifts a hand, they are even wearing black gloves! That’s some commitment to the bit.

“Yo. The name is Lucía. Sorry for skulking around but it is kind of my job; I assume you already know Overseer Pelafina?” She smirks. “She gets around! She said she was waiting for a Bastard to arrive but, Hell, we thought it was just an excuse of hers to skip work!”

“I am very responsible, excuse you.” Pelafina frowns, shaking her head softly. “Ignore Lucy, dear. She’s just my assigned guard, here to keep me safe!”

Her assigned guard? So she IS with the Cloaks after all! I mean, if the cloak she’s wearing wasn’t indication enough. I don’t like her, not one bit. She’s smiling too much, just balancing on her heels and toes while I stand there. I don’t wanna say I hate her, we’ve barely exchanged words… but I don’t like her. Not one bit.

I decide to take Pelafina’s words to heart and ignore her, when another thing hits me.

“Overseer Pelafina!? But you’re just the lady from the bookstore!” I think my eyes are going to jump right out of my skull like in one of those old cartoons.

“A girl has to move up in this world if she wants to survive.” The old lady chuckled, just a little bit. “You know my name, but I never truly caught yours though. How do we call you, dear?”

Fuck, here we go with names again… but hey, maybe this is a great chance to build a new identity for myself!

“People call me Tav.” I say, trying to puff up my chest a bit.

“That was not what she asked though!” Lucía intervenes with a singsongy voice.

“Oh let her have her own nom de guerre, Lucy. It’s adorable!” Having these two messing with me is really going to be bad for my health. I’ll have to endure it though. “Alright then, Tav. If you’re here, I assume you managed to read through the book at least a bit?”

I flinch. Just how much does this woman know? Did she know the contents of the book from the start? Is this a weird ‘Hero’s journey’ situation? A mysterious adventure she has sent me into so I grow as a person?

Or is she just fucking with me.

“Well? Don’t keep me waiting! It’s been days!” Pelafina insists with a twinkle shining in her eyes.

“... I have a few words translated.” I managed to say.

“Oh great! So Humiko left you hints. That’s great.”

“Miss Pelafina–”

“Please, just call me P.”

“Uhm. Miss P.” I gulp. “Just how much do you know of the book, exactly?”

“Well, Humiko asked me personally to keep it safe, so that’s one thing.” The overseer counts with her fingers. “I know it is written in Magic Runes, which… shouldn’t be possible, and yet, there it is! I trust Humiko enough to know it has to be real.”

“Wait.” I blink. “What do you mean ‘shouldn’t be possible’?”

“Magic is not a language, or at least it hasn’t been understood as one until… well, right now.” The old lady smiles a bit wider. “If you manage to make more sense of it than a few phrases, you’d be making history, boy!”

Again with the damn gendering… I frown a little bit but, try not to make it too visible. I gotta focus.

“Yeah, get it together. This is not the time for your ridiculous whining.”

Sigh.

“So you know what the book is, but you don’t know what it says.”

“To be honest, I am not really sure what it is either.” Pelafina admits with an embarrassed grin. “All I know is that it is a project Humiko had for a long time already, and according to her express instructions, the hints could only be read by a sleeper.”

I haven’t really checked if I can no longer check Humiko’s note in the book, so there’s homework for when I return.

“I am sorry we put this on you with deceit and all, but would you have really believed me if I said ‘You have to study magic’ just like that?” The old lady shrugs. “It was necessary, and if Ricardo could see the potential in you, then this was surely the correct choice.”

“Is Ricardo an Overseer too?” I feel like that is a sensible question.

“Oh heavens no, he’s a Sleeper. Not a word of this to him, you hear me?” P’s gesture grows severe for a moment. “I don’t want him involved in such things at his age. He had enough adventures already.”

I guess the rumors of Ricardo being a world-trotting adventurer are also true. Huh.

“So. Tell me, what did you learn?”

She’s very eager… I can notice Lucía’s gaze on me, too. They are both very, very eager.

“This doesn’t make sense.”

Right? It’s all wrong.

The book’s first warning was to avoid the cloaks, and yet here’s P! Just hanging out with this one, talking about the book like it’s nothing!

Well, if it’s true that she doesn’t know the contents, I can lie through my teeth!

“Well… I’ve learned a few characters. Do you have somewhere to write?” My body suddenly relaxes, my demeanor tightens. I may be bad at many things, but lying? I was born lying in this world and I can keep it up no matter what.

“Ah, sure. Lucy!”

The guard walks up to me casually, offering me a fancy black leather notebook decorated with a golden apple and a silver arrow piercing it. She even opens the yellow pages for me, and provides a cheap plastic pen.

I nod, and quickly begin scribbling.

I scribble ‘Tlo’i’, ‘Golthoi’ and ‘Thako’ with their respective symbols.

“There. These are the ones I’ve learned.”

Lucía looks at me dead in the eye for a moment. I can feel the sharpness of her wit, she’s trying to read me… but it will be useless. I am in a dissertation now, bitch. I’ve been doing these for years, it’s my one skill.

“Interesting.” Lucía nods.

“So, what do these mean?” Pelafina approaches us to check on the symbols. “Terrible calligraphy, by the way.”

“Yeah, I know.” The confidence abandons me for a moment, before I puff up my chest again and begin talking. “The first one is the word for ‘Butterfly’. The second one is a word for the action of turning something on, the third one… I am not sure yet.”

“When used on a spell, it makes the effect happen upon touching the glyph.” Lucía knows. “It’s a very common one.”

“Glyph?” I tilt my head.

“She means a combination of Runes, dear.” P smiles warmly. “Alright, so ‘Butterfly’, ‘Ignite’ and ‘Touch’, then?”

I never said ‘Ignite’ for Golthoi, but I guess that is a interpretation of it?

… Interesting. That these things have different meanings in different contexts, would that affect casting?

“Ah, I also found this.” I draw ‘Jo’ in the book. “Does this mean anything?”

“That one is used to counteract spells. If you draw this in a Glyph, it cancels its effect.” Lucía seems happy to provide the knowledge I lack.

I actually appreciate it, for it immediately made something click in my brain.

“It means ‘No’.” A voice whispers in my head, my own voice.

Yes. It’s a negative. That’s why it isn’t so common on its own. When added to another symbol, it negates it. ‘No-Light’ must be a way to say ‘Darkness’ or such… or… backwards, ‘No-Darkness’ equals ‘Light’.

Would this be dependent on the culture?

I smile a little bit to myself. This knowledge I will keep up my sleeve for now.

“What’s that smile for? Did you see something new?” Lucía is way too sharp to keep that smile from. I have to make something up quick.

“I realized I now know how to counter spells. That’s so cool…” I whisper to myself, channeling some of that wonder into my lie.

She seems to buy it, for she immediately focuses on correcting me.

“Knowing the Counterspell Rune is not enough, there are other factors to consider, so don’t go around trying to counter every spell so quickly.” She give me a smile I really dislike.

“Hmmm… well, that’s plenty for now,if that is all.” Pelafina shrugs softly. “It is quite late already… go back home for now, Tav.”

“B-But. I have so many questions!” I immediately pout. Saints damn it, so close to learn actually useful stuff!

“Yes, but sadly I cannot teach you. As the Overseer, I am bound by oath to remain neutral and not show favoritism for anyone.” The woman shrugged. “So, I can’t really teach you much. But, if you identify more words, I can definitely give you a few more pointers!”

“Fine…” A defeated sigh escapes my lips. So I’ll have to buy knowledge with knowledge, hmm? I look at Lucía for a second.

“Nope. I am too young to teach.” She immediately denies me.

“Tsk.” I look down… but then, an idea comes to me. Just a confirmation I need to get. “Can I check more stuff online? Maybe there’s resources out there…”

Pelafina frowns, looking at Lucía and waiting for her to explain. She eventually does, with a sigh.

“The process of getting on the internet as a mage is hard. You need a special router and everything, it’s honestly not worth it.” The guard shakes her head. “If you want, we can provide you one next time. But really, there aren’t many resources online for this… mages are isolationists, usually.”

Ah hah! So they don’t know of the forum! Alright then, that’s another point to my advantage.

“I don’t think I’ll need that, I have enough with mundane internet thank you very much.” I chuckle a little bit.

“I never got the so called ‘interwebs’ to be honest.” P grins. “Now, off to bed you go. Shoo, shoo. Remember coming back here at night, alright? That’s when it is nice and empty.”

Honestly, a nice and empty place to try and translate sounds fine to me. But I can just do that at home…

Besides. These people are dripfeeding me the information I need, so they are probably not trustworthy in the slightest.

I feel a little bad for not trusting Pelafina immediately, but…

“She threw you into this mess without consent.”

“Yeah, fuck her.”

Right.

“Alright then, I am going. Thank you again for everything, miss P!” I fail to hold back a yawn as I turn around and stand on the stairs. They… are still going up. “Uh.”

“The other stairs dear, there’s a magic escalator down.” Lucía tries not to laugh at my face, and fails.

“A-Ah, thank you.”

With a heavy sigh, I take the right escalator this time and disappear down the stairs. Looking at my clock, it’s already three in the morning…time to sleep for sure.

With some luck, the pillow will make this all make much more sense.


As Tav finally disappeared from the Elysium, and the sound of a closing door echoed through the room, Pelafina let out a little sigh, shaking her head.

“This isn’t going to work.” She commented, crossing her arms. “This girl is no good.”

“She seems smart enough. The type to keep notes….” Lucía suggested, her smile growing slowly.

“What are you suggesting?”

“Well. If we give her a few months and turns out she doesn’t make any breakthroughs, we can always… you know.”

“I don’t.”

“We can take her stuff.” Lucía finally said. “Just erase her memory and take the book and the notes back! With some luck, she probably took notes of the hints.”

“...Lucy, you’re diabolical.” The old crone chuckled loudly. “Ohhh, I guess we will get our chips back no matter how this gamble goes, then!”

“Of course! But I still don’t know why we can’t just go to a family of Mages and put this on their sleeper child!”

“That bitch Humiko probably thought of something like that.” A grumble escaped from the old lady. “This is our safest bet.”

“Well, I am just saying. If this experiment of yours doesn’t pay up, I may have to talk about this with the rest of the Coven…~” Lucía’s eyes were, for a moment, fully visible under that hood, brightly green. “And you know the captain wouldn’t like you skulking around with unapproved knowledge.~”

“Oh shush, you won’t.” Pelafina seemed quite confident of this. “Not after coming this close to finally finding that bitch…”

The overseer sighed, looking up to the fake stars for a moment while rubbing her hands together. What was this she felt? Anxiety?

“... It has to work, Lucía.” She finally said. “It has to.”

“What if it doesn’t though?” The guard tilted her head.

“It has to… it is our only way to free our King from his cell.”

“Welp, let’s hope this girl works fast!”

“I know. After all, King Hamil isn’t a patient man.”

Most Penis Enlargement Pills contain a mixture of different herbs that increase the blood flow in your body and your penis. Many manufacturers claim that their product is approved by doctors and absolutely safe and effective. The testimonials you find on their websites often only show a few questionable and exceptional results after using the product, that aren’t really verifiable.
There are no solid scientific or clinical studies about these pills, despite the claims of some doctors obviously hired by penis enlargement pill manufacturers. Most of the ingredients used will without a doubt help you get slightly stronger erections, but similar to the pumps this is only a short-term effect and no real enlargement.
Most ingredients used in penis pills are very cheap and also contained in every day vitamin pills or health supplements.
Some pills even contain ingredients like Yohimbine extract, an ingredient the FDA (Federal Drug Administration) explicitly made warnings about!
The bigger penis pills can be a good and easy solution if you are suffering from relatively weak erections that don’t last long, but do not expect miracles and always pay attention to possible side effects and contained substances. They are not a replacement for Viagra, Cialis or similar prescription drugs that are used to fight erectile dysfunction and can have adverse effects and side effects, as well as problematic interactions with other drugs. Make sure the pills are manufactured inside the USA, preferably in FDA approved laboratories, since the quality of the ingredients is important and inferior Chinese products sold on sometimes really good-looking websites are notorious for contamination with heavy metal or other dangerous substances.
Do not order pills from stores or websites offering free samples or recurring billing, since long-term contracts with a manufacturer mean you have to buy a product and pay for it even if you are not happy with it. Recurring billing from some shady websites is hard to cancel.
Bottom line: You will spend enormous sums of money on a bigger penis product that may result in slightly harder erections, but no real penis growth. Although the ingredients are extremely cheap, manufacturers and distributors charge a fortune for the final product, often combined with fraudulent credit card rebilling. Some ingredients could cause allergies or even worse health problems.

Just woke up and continue to feel sad and lonely. Looking for a sweet gentle voice to help distract me and possibly fall back to sleep. I'm not looking for someone to trauma dump or express myself necessarily, but to just take my mind off things and distract me. If I feel comfortable with you and I find that you're understanding, I could possibly share things with you if that's what you'd like.
A little about me...I'm vegan, I crochet(on hiatus), I exercise, I enjoy concerts and there's more we could find out. I've been described as gentle, kind, affectionate, caring, open and honest. Apparently I have a "nice" voice.
I'd rather not talk about politics and food(I'm vegan) as I would like to feel safe. You're free to talk about school/work, but I won't be talking about that related to me. Besides those things, you're free to literally talk to me about anything and everything. If you're struggling and want to talk about that, you're free to do so. If you just want to have a fun mutually enjoyable conversation, we can do that as well.
Thanks for your time and I look forward to meeting you!

Just woke up and continue to feel sad and lonely. Looking for a sweet gentle voice to help distract me and possibly fall back to sleep. I'm not looking for someone to trauma dump or express myself necessarily, but to just take my mind off things and distract me. If I feel comfortable with you and I find that you're understanding, I could possibly share things with you if that's what you'd like.
A little about me...I'm vegan, I crochet(on hiatus), I exercise, I enjoy concerts and there's more we could find out. I've been described as gentle, kind, affectionate, caring, open and honest. Apparently I have a "nice" voice.
I'd rather not talk about politics and food(I'm vegan) as I would like to feel safe. You're free to talk about school/work, but I won't be talking about that related to me. Besides those things, you're free to literally talk to me about anything and everything. If you're struggling and want to talk about that, you're free to do so. If you just want to have a fun mutually enjoyable conversation, we can do that as well.
Thanks for your time and I look forward to meeting you!

Just woke up and continue to feel sad and lonely. Looking for a sweet gentle voice to help distract me and possibly fall back to sleep. I'm not looking for someone to trauma dump or express myself necessarily, but to just take my mind off things and distract me. If I feel comfortable with you and I find that you're understanding, I could possibly share things with you if that's what you'd like.
A little about me...I'm vegan, I crochet(on hiatus), I exercise, I enjoy concerts and there's more we could find out. I've been described as gentle, kind, affectionate, caring, open and honest. Apparently I have a "nice" voice.
I'd rather not talk about politics and food(I'm vegan) as I would like to feel safe. You're free to talk about school/work, but I won't be talking about that related to me. Besides those things, you're free to literally talk to me about anything and everything. If you're struggling and want to talk about that, you're free to do so. If you just want to have a fun mutually enjoyable conversation, we can do that as well.
Thanks for your time and I look forward to meeting you!

Just woke up and continue to feel sad and lonely. Looking for a sweet gentle voice to help distract me and possibly fall back to sleep. I'm not looking for someone to trauma dump or express myself necessarily, but to just take my mind off things and distract me. If I feel comfortable with you and I find that you're understanding, I could possibly share things with you if that's what you'd like.
A little about me...I'm vegan, I crochet(on hiatus), I exercise, I enjoy concerts and there's more we could find out. I've been described as gentle, kind, affectionate, caring, open and honest. Apparently I have a "nice" voice.
I'd rather not talk about politics and food(I'm vegan) as I would like to feel safe. You're free to talk about school/work, but I won't be talking about that related to me. Besides those things, you're free to literally talk to me about anything and everything. If you're struggling and want to talk about that, you're free to do so. If you just want to have a fun mutually enjoyable conversation, we can do that as well.
Thanks for your time and I look forward to meeting you!

Just woke up and continue to feel sad and lonely. Looking for a sweet gentle voice to help distract me and possibly fall back to sleep. I'm not looking for someone to trauma dump or express myself necessarily, but to just take my mind off things and distract me. If I feel comfortable with you and I find that you're understanding, I could possibly share things with you if that's what you'd like.
A little about me...I'm vegan, I crochet(on hiatus), I exercise, I enjoy concerts and there's more we could find out. I've been described as gentle, kind, affectionate, caring, open and honest. Apparently I have a "nice" voice.
I'd rather not talk about politics and food(I'm vegan) as I would like to feel safe. You're free to talk about school/work, but I won't be talking about that related to me. Besides those things, you're free to literally talk to me about anything and everything. If you're struggling and want to talk about that, you're free to do so. If you just want to have a fun mutually enjoyable conversation, we can do that as well.
Thanks for your time and I look forward to meeting you!

I've done keto before and it worked fine.
But this time, I'm not seeing any difference at all. I'm mixing fasting in with it, so I'll fast a few days (no longer than 2 or 3 days), then eat OMAD on other days- usually a whole block of tempeh, 2 hard-boiled eggs, and an avocado over a big bowl of salad with sugar free dressing or broccoli (note-I'm vegetarian). I'm also short, so I realize it takes more time to notice things happening, but I'm also a little worried I destroyed my metabolism in the past-I had anorexia in my youth and have a habit or doing the most extreme crash diets.
Three whole weeks and nothing has happened. Nothing. Not one goddam pound. Although my sleep is now horrific because my RLS has reared its ugly head just when neurologist and I had it under control-I know this has to do with electrolytes, but no matter how I prepare snake juice or how slowly I drink it, it causes endless runs in the bathroom. My stress levels are very high (just turned in my master's thesis, getting ready to move states to start a PhD program and my mom has cancer), so my stress level is unlikely to change in the forseeable 5+years...or ever if I remain in academia, which is the plan. I don't hard core exercise due to a chronic pain condition, but I do go for walks. I'm hoping once I start losing weight, I'll feel better and be able to exercise more.
I do have PCOS (a hormonal disorder that often causes weight gain and difficulty losing weight) and have been meaning to go see a OB or endocrinologist for a while because my period stopped a year or so ago and its since then that my whole body changed-bad fluid retention as I hardly pee anymore (I used to pee every hour), rapid weight gain etc. I've been putting it off since I'm not trying to conceive and I honestly am not complaining about not having periods anymore-just everything else. But this happened since the last time I did keto. I've been thin most of my life until the past few years- combination of stress, being poor, and I think this PCOS issue.
All my food is either prepackaged- like the tempeh or broccoli or I use a food scale that is calibrated correctly. Our scale is not broken-its working fine for my husband who is doing the same diet and has dropped 40 lbs in less than 3 months (a friend he hadn't seen in a few months asked if he had cancer the other day lol). I'm a biochemist so I know the science-CICO is basic thermodynamics, so if its not working for me, I MUST be missing something.
Anyone having similar problems or advice?

Hey guys, my name is Michael.
I'm a college student who's got a lot of rather unfortunate free time this summer and not a whole lot of people to talk to. I'm into a lot and open to a lot, but I primarily play games and work on programming projects these days, though I'd like to do other things like crochet or read more. I listen to mostly rock but I'm open to anything, and watch a lot of Hulu. I follow stuff like One Piece though and I'm down to talk about it. Texting is my preference but I don't mind calling!
I'm in a happy relationship so I'm not looking for anything like that. I use Discord primarily over stuff like reddit. Feel free to reach out!

What is Endopeak?

EndoPeak is a natural nutritional supplement that aims to increase energy and improve mental focus. It is composed of a blend of organic ingredients that work together to improve your overall health.
It can help you have more energy throughout the day by allowing you to perform multiple tasks with vigour and vitality. Say goodbye to fatigue and lethargy as this supplement attempts to naturally boost your energy levels.
This supplement aims to improve concentration and attention as well as physical exhaustion. EndoPeak can improve concentration and cognitive performance in any mental activity, including office work, study, and other mental activities.
When used on a regular basis, This men health supplement has the potential to improve your physical and mental health, contributing to your overall well-being. It is important to note that individual results may vary, and you should follow the product's specific instructions for use.

How does Endopeak work?

EndoPeak Male Enhancement Supplement is more than just a collection of ingredients; it's a symphony of carefully selected components that work in unison to produce a harmonious performance within your body.
Although the workings of the supplement aren't exactly outlined on the product's official website (which is disappointing), we did our own research, dug into its ingredients, and deduced how it could work to provide the benefits that it does.
Because it approaches its targeted benefits in a multifaceted manner, let's take a look at how the supplements that make it so effective work:
Supporting Hormonal Balance: EndoPeak's formula recognises the significance of hormonal balance. It uses nature's wisdom to provide essential nutrients that promote healthy hormone levels. By assisting in hormone regulation, the supplement sets the stage for increased energy, stamina, and overall well-being.
Boosting Blood Flow: One of the mechanisms of EndoPeak is its ability to improve blood circulation. This effect can lead to increased sensitivity and arousal, resulting in a more satisfying intimate experience. Improved blood flow also helps to promote healthy erections and keep them going for longer.
Increasing Nitric Oxide Production: Nitric oxide, also known as the body's natural vasodilator, plays an important role in blood flow. It's ingredients work together to promote nitric oxide production, keeping blood vessels relaxed and open and optimising circulation to vital areas.

Endopeak Ingredients

EndoPeak is made up of a potent blend of 8 ingredients that have been clinically proven to support energy and vitality in men. According to the supplement label, each ingredient is added in the proper amounts so that they work together to deliver the desired results.
The following are the EndoPeak ingredients:-
1 Epimedium

Epimedium, also known as Goat Weed, can aid in the promotion of general physical function and the improvement of blood circulation throughout the body. Epimedium, an important component of EndoPeak, is distinguished by clusters of bright yellow four-petaled flowers that bloom in spring. It contains a number of potent ingredients that work together to improve both physical and mental health.

2 Hawthorn Bertern

Another organic ingredient that promotes healthy blood circulation, which is beneficial to both the body and the brain. Hawthorn fruit, botanically known as Crataegus, is well-known for its small fruit size. They have long been used in traditional medicine, particularly to increase male potency and promote attractiveness.

3 Magnesium

Magnesium is required for many bodily processes, including hormone control. To improve male health, levels must be optimal. Furthermore, this ingredient gives both normal people and athletes more energy.

4 Tribulus

Tribulus is an extremely potent herb that has long been used to improve male health. Its inclusion in EndoPeak is justified by its exceptional benefits. Tribulus has been clinically studied and has shown promising results in increasing the number of satisfying personal encounters. EndoPeak leverages the potential of Tribulus to improve men's health and pleasure in the intimate sphere.

5 Tongkat Ali

This Tongkat Ali plant ingredient has been linked to a variety of health benefits, including increased stamina and overall health. Tongkat Ali has a significant effect on the pituitary gland's production of luteinizing hormone (LH). The testicles are then tasked with producing more hormone. LH is in charge of increasing hormone synthesis and regulating hormone levels throughout the day.

6 Chrysina

This chemical is thought to have anti-stress properties and may help with depression symptoms. EndoPeak contains chyrsina, which can be found in honeycombs and passion flowers. It has the ability to inhibit aromatase activity, providing significant benefits to the user. Anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties of chrysin have also been demonstrated in studies. These qualities are critical for maintaining the health of the male reproductive system because they reduce inflammation and oxidative stress.

7 Saw Palmetto

Saw palmetto herbal extract is known to boost energy and stamina, making it easier to complete daily tasks. A small palm species native to the southeastern United States and the source of saw palmetto. Its fruit contains a high concentration of phytosterols, flavonoids, and fatty acids. EndoPeak has extracted and formulated this substance, which may have health benefits. Saw palmetto benefits overall physical performance and strength in a number of ways.

8 Flywheel shaft

This organic substance is said to improve stamina and overall physical endurance. Dendrobium macraei, also known as the winged treebine, has long been used as an aphrodisiac in traditional medicine. It is believed to have controlling and performance-enhancing properties. These findings support the historical use of Winged Treebine and its distinguishing characteristics.

Benefits of Endopeak Supplement

Endo Peak stands out as a natural, dependable, and adaptable substance with numerous health benefits. Because of its all-natural ingredients, delicious taste, and good reputation, it's an appealing option for people looking to safely and effectively improve their health. EndoPeak should be chosen for a number of reasons:-
EndoPeak is made up of a potent blend of 8 ingredients that have been clinically proven to support energy and vitality in men. According to the supplement label, each ingredient is added in the proper amounts so that they work together to deliver the desired results.
Benefits of Endopeak Supplement
Endo Peak stands out as a natural, dependable, and adaptable substance with numerous health benefits. Because of its all-natural ingredients, delicious taste, and good reputation, it's an appealing option for people looking to safely and effectively improve their health. EndoPeak should be chosen for a number of reasons:-
1 Increases blood flow

Blood circulation to the male organs is increased to improve their functioning and make the most of them. reduces inflammation The anti-inflammation properties of the ingredients used in it help to reduce swelling in various glands and organs.

2 Balances out hormonal issues

Male infertility is thought to be caused by unbalanced hormones. Poor production, for example, may not be able to provide the desired results and may even be a sign of male impotence. The ingredients in the supplement produce male hormones.

3 Increases energy

The EndoPeak male performance supplement, which contains herbs such as Winged Treebine, provides men with long-lasting effects by increasing their natural endurance.

4 Oxidative stress is protected

Body components that have oxidised are protected from further oxidation damage and are being repaired.

5 Improves sleep quality

Inadequate sleep is thought to be one of the causes of low levels. It is resolved by the sleep-inducing formula.

6 Strengthens the immune system

Organ system immune systems are strengthened, defending the body against illnesses and infections.

7 Natural and reliable

EndoPeak is a natural product that contains no steroids or other harmful substances. As a result, it is a dependable and risk-free option for improving health without fear of negative consequences.

8 Many Other health benefits

EndoPeak is appropriate for anyone seeking to improve their overall health because it is designed to treat a wide range of health issues. It can help with issues such as restlessness, stress, and anxiety about performance.

My biggest problem with veganism is that it seems to be focusing on symptoms and ignoring the true root causes that led to this problem in the first place. If people don't understand the principles, they are bound to commit and support other atrocities somewhere else in their life.
The first principle is objective morality, which means that morality exists, independently of belief, culture, time, location, and opinion. Even if the majority of people think that it is correct to murder animals, it is still objectively wrong to do so.
Morality is not "fluid" and does not change over time.
Morality does not come from human beings and is not decided by human beings. Humans are only discovering moral rules that were already existing.
The erroneous belief that humans create morality or give rights to people and animals is highly problematic. If rights come from human beings, it means that rights can be revoked by human beings. It means that enough human beings can gather themselves and decide "oh, this group doesn't have a right to not be murdered anymore" and people will eat it up.
Morality comes from objective principles.
Morality is not a physical object. Whether morality is physically enforced or not by karma is irrelevant. Whether God exists or not is irrelevant. The term "objective morality" is the best term to describe the concept that I outlined above which is morality, independent of belief, culture, time, location, and opinion.
The second principle is the right to ownership. Every sentient being own their own body, which means that they should be free to modify it as they want, and pretty much do what they want with it, as long as they don't violate the moral rights of other sentient beings.
One obvious conclusion we can derive from this is the fact that initiating violence upon another sentient being is immoral, because it is a violation of their ownership of their body.
Another very important principle is the right to own property. Property can be acquired in two ways: acquiring previously unowned resources. If I walk down somewhere and pick up an apple that fell on the ground that no one was previously claiming, I am becoming the rightful owner of this apple. The second way of rightfully acquiring property is via gift or trade.
Many non-vegans are puzzled as to why we think that honey is immoral. Honey is immoral because it is theft, it is a violation of bees' property rights.
The third derived principle, is the right to make agreements or contracts. For an agreement to be valid, both parties must voluntarily consent, without being threatened by the use of force.
Humans cannot make moral valid contracts with animals, as they do not speak the same language, cannot communicate nor understand each other.
This is why people trying to claim that the sheep "consented" to getting imprisoned or getting their fur stolen from their body is utter nonsense.
The sad thing is that in my experience, when doing activism in real life, most vegans didn't think that morality was actually objective, they didn't think that humans or animals possessed rights to own their body or the right to not be stolen from.
They are not vegans based on principles, they are only vegan because they were emotionally repulsed after watching some graphic factory farming footage. Once the emotions wear off, I can guarantee that these people will go back to consuming meat, once they deem it to be more convenient.
These vegan activists did not want to learn about morality, and like carnists, they came up with weird inconsistent excuses as to why they shouldn't care about morality.
Activism is already a lot of work, it is physically and mentally taxing, I cannot spend energy doing activism with people who don't care about morality, nor teaching proper principles in their activism.
If I cannot find activists who care about morality in real life, I will have to either do it alone or give up in-person activism.
Vegans focus too much on the symptoms and not the root causes.

This thread is for beginner questions and reading requests. All chart reading requests must be posted in this thread only.

It is recommended that you use the knowledge you have about your chart thus far to share your own interpretation when you post your comment. You are more likely to get a response if you include some of your own analysis or specific questions about your chart. Always check the Wiki first to see if your question has been answered.
Don't forget to include an image of your chart. You can get your chart from one of these websites:

• Jovian Archive
• MyBodyGraph
• Maia Mechanics

You can also get a free report that gives an overview of your chart from Richard Beaumont's website:

• Human.Design chart report

If you are looking for an app, Neutrino Design is the most frequently recommended app in this community. Links: Apple Store and Android Store/Google Play.

If you are a beginner in Human Design, check out the resources on this website and in the Wiki.

These posts will be created every Friday at 8:00am EST / 12:00pm UTC.

Hiya!! I’m 20F, from the UK, and looking for people to talk to :) I study biology at Uni, and I have a huge interest in animals! I also like to play piano and make art in my spare time, and I collect craft skills like pokemon cards - I’m currently getting into crochet but I love knitting, sewing and embroidery. I also have a huge Stardew valley obsession lol. Feel free to reach out if you wanna talk!! :)

Mornin... after searching and not finding hardly anything about vulva cancer, I decided to join after seeing some older post from some of you that are in the same boat as I am. Like many stories I have read, I waited forever to go to the Dr. I had not gone to the gyno for years after having my daughter, who is now 23. #1 I didn't have insurance and #2 as most women do, I hated going as much as I hate going to dentist lol I had so many problems during childbirth, that just traumatized me from going. I had Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma in my early 20's and was on high doses of steroids that just caused so many problems to my body, especially reproductive organs. I went to my primary care doc about a month ago and just graphically him what was going on down there. He chalked it up to a yeast infection and referred me to the gyno, which could take 6 MONTHS! I told him I don't have that long. I went to a free clinic 3 days later and the Dr's eyes got huge! I ended up in the ER 3 days later. I couldn't take it anymore. Luckily, I was put under for the biopsy. I had heard that was painful, just getting the numbing shot. The report says the one they biopsied was 3 cm. There is alot going down there and my skin was splitting and just going to the bathroom was like peeing needles. I have other tumors down there and some in pubic bone area and a week ago my lymph nodes started swelling. Was referred to the top oncology gyno surgeon for this, she gave me some lidocaine jelly for down there (has helped some) . She said if they did surgery right now, it would be the pelvic exenteration which is a horrible extensive surgery. They take everything! She is sending me to a gyno radiologist, who I see next Thurs and will have that along with chemo. This is a rare cancer and can hardly find anything about it, much less a forum with anyone that has gone thru this or is going thru is now. I have my pet scan next Thurs. Any advice, sharing stories would be much appreciated.. thank you ❤️

Hi,
I have marked most imporant parts as how long I use each meds in what dose, info of me, my questions, supplements used, nootropics thinking of, new meds for panic disorder treatment, plan to quit benzos, asking about Memantine. If you want, here is whole story and treatment:) Thx I have a lifetime nonmedicated ADHD + OCD (will finally have atomoexin in july after like 8 docs) but mainly severe panic disorder since 12/23 caused by badly burning out and not stopping work + too much stress from all sides, mostly family and workspace/company. It started close to xmas and wanted to finish year and worked until my body completely disabled to it to me but right after it came xmas, which is not my fav time of year ending in keeping me in attacks 24/7. Btw Im 29yo man, 193cm, 90kg, sporting, financial advisor solo businessman, living alone, used to be really busy all the time, multiple addictions behind me mostly because depression (alcohol),pain (kratom) and stimulants bcs its so addictive with adhd :D But I dont abuse anything since 02/23 when I barely survived WD from forced CT a lot of alcohol every day and I want to be healthy and drugs free!
I am currently getting off xanax and on SSRI, starting my new recovery plan below as previous didnt help enough and asking if you know anything that could help me get my full life back sooner I work as I can/want, mostly 2-6 h/day and only from home, going to multiple types of therapy, investing insane money to get recovered and looking for every possible way. I am open for any tip or suggestion on nootropic, peptide, maybe even SARMs that could help me get over this. Even if you dont have time or dont want to read all previous treatment and new plan and have idea what could help me, write it please. But I have to be careful with anything interacts with SSRI as I will be also on buspar, I have a safe med for serotonin syndrome if needed.. Also if you see gaps or risks in my meds plan, some ideas, useful info or better ways, I will be glad to know it:) Mostly about Memantine - when to use, in which part of protocol it will be most beneficial or what to expect.
I use/tried almost every useful supplement including adaptogens, herbs, expensive vitamins, mushrooms, gotu kola, NAC, tyrosine, inositol and just anything that could be useful + basics use all year. Also have Alpha GPC which made my adhd brain supercomputer before I got beaten but now doesnt work. Tried before noopept and a lot of racetams, idra21 and some more but with no effect and modafinil before with effect, but mostly anxiety, too much concentrating on one thing and severe insomnia.
I am already pretty sure about Agmatine, Sulbutiamine instead of Benfotiamine (any difference?), not sure of Bromantane on ssri (?), 9-me is no go, maybe NALT (?), Theacrine as Im tired from SSRI all the time and too much coffee makes me axnious, maybe Vinpocetine or Uridine triacetate? centrophenoxine? dihexa?
My treatment from december to now:
I had no idea wth is this, told my psychologist what is happening to me and asking many times if its serious and casually replied that is probably from stress. So I treated it as burnout by resting, then removing original causes and triggers, removing problems from my mind and life, reducing stress to minimum, even leaving my pretty good paid job after 9 yers. But nothing helped besides benzos which made me not feel attacks so much and when I went off after 6 weeks, symptoms came back the same day.
I always said no to ADs but this time I didnt see any other option so I got SSRI citalopram 20, later 30mg now 6 weeks, first weeks were hell of anxiety and tiredness, last 2 weeks they help but effect is enough to keep me attack free only at home, outside flat still almost instant PA + side effects are still bad.
Same with benzos now again for 6 weeks afte break from previous cycle, mostly xanax 1,5-2mg a day, when Im home with no problems I can stay on 0,5mg with no WD. But want to quit asap, Im standing on the edge of little discomfort or living hell WDs. Also it makes me dumb, careless and not caring, but dont have cravings or abuse them, until now there was no other medication in my country :/ Also I already had GABA WDs pretty bad from alcohol many times and from phenibut in february by mistake (3 weeks of 2-3x a week before I had benzos). I would rather skip this opportunity to be on boat walking simulator with scary shadowy guy in my bedroom.
Next week I will make a big changes:
Will to add Buspar in small doses to SSRI, probably 30mg citalopram + 2x7,5mg buspar for long term and propranolol over benzos before I leave flat for panic attacks - I have mostly physical symptoms and over these months my brain has learned to go panic mode when I go around people or noise but im not scared, wanting to hide or anxious, want to go out. Hope this will allow me to relearn the BIOS of my brain and body they wont start panicking as it has learned over months of nonstop attack (january until end of april, just moving on scale 1-10 but never off). Propranolon as beta-blocker should not allow my body to go panic defense mode and mental anxiety I can handle now. My mind is still quite ok, not much depressed or in bad mood, last days even thinking a bit sharper and can handle it but body/brain program are stuck. Hope this will allow me over time to get off SSRI to just Buspar + non addictive anxiety aid as needed or at least switch to SNRI or Wellbutrin as im energetic person but with this SSRI im meeeeeeeh all the time.
As propranolon arrives I will cut benzos to lowest dosage where I wont feel WD, probably 0,5mg/day and switch to Clonazepam (have benzos and can ask doc anytime), keep this dose for 2-3 weeks, taper to 0,35mg, wait and this until i go down around 0,2mg/day. Maybe slower if it will be painful or risk worse WDs when i cut them off.
For quitting benzos I have clonidine (WD reduce, camling, ADHD), pregabalin (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure but addictive), baclofen (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure also addictive)), Etifoxine (nonbenzo anxiolytics, I guess mostly PAWS) and Topiramate (seizure and migraine prevention, WD reduce) and Hydroxyzine (sleepy antihistamine nonaddictive) to get off them asap with no risk seizure and suffering for weeks in terrible WDs. I wont use all the aids together but as needed for current symptoms and not get hooked on none of them as only atarax is safe.
Also finally will get ADHD meds atomoxetin, but as I have no energy, even adhd is not so present and clonidine also helps for adhd. And I have found one super special med you will be interested about- Memantine (bgpharm), do you have experiences about this so called miracle drug? It make you feel softly with unlimited brain power, also it shall lower tolerances to almost all substances and by 30-60% over 7-14 days and then make WDs easier + also helps ADHD. But have no idea when to use it in my plan, I got 2 packs and its cheap so can buy more but dont want to mess with getting off bzs and learning to manage going out. Same question with atomoxetin - when to start? its not stimulant so it should not affect attacks nor benzo WD but idk.
Just in case there would be too much serotonin I will have Cyproheptadine for SS. It should not happen from SSRI+Buspiron but some nootropic or WD med can cause it. And just remembered I shall take some ephedrine/yohimbine if my BP or HB goes too slow from propranolon/clonidine... :/
I will still go for checks to doc and psychiatrist but the medical procedures in my country got stuck in time in year when producers of SSRI/benzos gave some gifts for doctors or politics. So they just give you this combo announcing you it will work (didnt) and you wont get addicted in 3 months of xan (would). Also propranolon is not approved med for anxiety in my county, only bzds and buspirone, but after trying several ADs on you :/
Thank you so much for any knowledge you share with me!

Hi,
I have marked most imporant parts as how long I use each meds in what dose, info of me, my questions, supplements used, nootropics thinking of, new meds for panic disorder treatment, plan to quit benzos, advice about Memantine. If you want, there is whole story and treatment:) Thx I have a lifetime nonmedicated ADHD + OCD (will finally have atomoexin in july after like 8 docs) but mainly severe panic disorder since 12/23 caused by badly burning out and not stopping work + too much stress from all sides, mostly family and workspace/company. It started close to xmas and wanted to finish year and worked until my body completely disabled to it to me but right after it came xmas, which is not my fav time of year ending in keeping me in attacks 24/7. Btw Im 29yo man, 193cm, 90kg, sporting, financial advisor self employed, living alone, used to be really busy all the time, multiple addictions behind me mostly because depression (alcohol),pain (kratom) and stimulants bcs its so addictive with adhd :D But I dont abuse anything since 02/23 when I barely survived WD from forced CT a lot of alcohol every day and I want to be healthy and drugs free!
I am currently getting off xanax and on SSRI, starting my new recovery plan below as previous didnt help enough and asking if you know anything that could help me get my full life back sooner I work as I can/want, mostly 2-6 h/day and only from home, going to multiple types of therapy, investing insane money to get recovered and looking for every possible way. I am open for any tip or advice on nootropic, peptide, maybe even SARMs that could help me get over this. Even if you dont have time or dont want to read all previous treatment and new plan and have idea what could help me, write it please. But I have to be careful with anything interacts with SSRI as I will be also on buspar, I have a safe med for serotonin syndrome if needed.. Also if you see gaps or risks in my meds plan, some ideas, useful info or better ways, I will be glad to know it:) Mostly about Memantine - when to use, in which part of protocol it will be most beneficial or what to expect.
I use/tried almost every useful supplement including adaptogens, herbs, expensive vitamins, mushrooms, gotu kola, NAC, tyrosine, inositol and just anything that could be useful + basics use all year. Also have Alpha GPC which made my adhd brain supercomputer before I got beaten but now doesnt work. Tried before noopept and a lot of racetams, idra21 and some more but with no effect and modafinil before with effect, but mostly anxiety, too much concentrating on one thing and severe insomnia.
I am already pretty sure about Agmatine, Sulbutiamine instead of Benfotiamine (any difference?), not sure of Bromantane on ssri (?), 9-me is no go, maybe NALT (?), Theacrine as Im tired from SSRI all the time and too much coffee makes me axnious, maybe Vinpocetine or Uridine triacetate? centrophenoxine? dihexa?
My treatment from december to now:
I had no idea wth is this, told my psychologist what is happening to me and asking many times if its serious and casually replied that is probably from stress. So I treated it as burnout by resting, then removing original causes and triggers, removing problems from my mind and life, reducing stress to minimum, even leaving my pretty good paid job after 9 yers. But nothing helped besides benzos which made me not feel attacks so much and when I went off after 6 weeks, symptoms came back the same day.
I always said no to ADs but this time I didnt see any other option so I got SSRI citalopram 20, later 30mg now 6 weeks, first weeks were hell of anxiety and tiredness, last 2 weeks they help but effect is enough to keep me attack free only at home, outside flat still almost instant PA + side effects are still bad.
Same with benzos now again for 6 weeks afte break from previous cycle, mostly xanax 1,5-2mg a day, when Im home with no problems I can stay on 0,5mg with no WD. But want to quit asap, Im standing on the edge of little discomfort or living hell WDs. Also it makes me dumb, careless and not caring, but dont have cravings or abuse them, until now there was no other medication in my country :/ Also I already had GABA WDs pretty bad from alcohol many times and from phenibut in february by mistake (3 weeks of 2-3x a week before I had benzos). I would rather skip this opportunity to be on boat walking simulator with scary shadowy guy in my bedroom.
Next week I will make a big changes:
Will to add Buspar in small doses to SSRI, probably 30mg citalopram + 2x7,5mg buspar for long term and propranolol over benzos before I leave flat for panic attacks - I have mostly physical symptoms and over these months my brain has learned to go panic mode when I go around people or noise but im not scared, wanting to hide or anxious, want to go out. Hope this will allow me to relearn the BIOS of my brain and body they wont start panicking as it has learned over months of nonstop attack (january until end of april, just moving on scale 1-10 but never off). Propranolon as beta-blocker should not allow my body to go panic defense mode and mental anxiety I can handle now. My mind is still quite ok, not much depressed or in bad mood, last days even thinking a bit sharper and can handle it but body/brain program are stuck. Hope this will allow me over time to get off SSRI to just Buspar + non addictive anxiety aid as needed or at least switch to SNRI or Wellbutrin as im energetic person but with this SSRI im meeeeeeeh all the time.
As propranolon arrives I will cut benzos to lowest dosage where I wont feel WD, probably 0,5mg/day and switch to Clonazepam (have benzos and can ask doc anytime), keep this dose for 2-3 weeks, taper to 0,35mg, wait and this until i go down around 0,2mg/day. Maybe slower if it will be painful or risk worse WDs when i cut them off.
For quitting benzos I have clonidine (WD reduce, camling, ADHD), pregabalin (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure but addictive), baclofen (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure also addictive)), Etifoxine (nonbenzo anxiolytics, I guess mostly PAWS) and Topiramate (seizure and migraine prevention, WD reduce) and Hydroxyzine (sleepy antihistamine nonaddictive) to get off them asap with no risk seizure and suffering for weeks in terrible WDs. I wont use all the aids together but as needed for current symptoms and not get hooked on none of them as only atarax is safe.
Also finally will get ADHD meds atomoxetin, but as I have no energy, even adhd is not so present and clonidine also helps for adhd. And I have found one super special med you will be interested about- Memantine (bgpharm), do you have experiences about this so called miracle drug? It make you feel softly with unlimited brain power, also it shall lower tolerances to almost all substances and by 30-60% over 7-14 days and then make WDs easier + also helps ADHD. But have no idea when to use it in my plan, I got 2 packs and its cheap so can buy more but dont want to mess with getting off bzs and learning to manage going out. Same question with atomoxetin - when to start? its not stimulant so it should not affect attacks nor benzo WD but idk.
Just in case there would be too much serotonin I will have Cyproheptadine for SS. It should not happen from SSRI+Buspiron but some nootropic or WD med can cause it. And just remembered I shall take some ephedrine/yohimbine if my BP or HB goes too slow from propranolon/clonidine... :/
I will still go for checks to doc and psychiatrist but the medical procedures in my country got stuck in time in year when producers of SSRI/benzos gave some gifts for doctors or politics. So they just give you this combo announcing you it will work (didnt) and you wont get addicted in 3 months of xan (would). Also propranolon is not approved med for anxiety in my county, only bzds and buspirone, but after trying several ADs on you :/
Thank you so much for any knowledge you share with me!

Hi,
I have marked most imporant parts as how long I use each meds in what dose, info of me, my questions, supplements used, nootropics thinking of, new meds for panic disorder treatment, plan to quit benzos, advice about Memantine. If you want, there is whole story and treatment:) Thx I have a lifetime nonmedicated ADHD + OCD (will finally have atomoexin in july after like 8 docs) but mainly severe panic disorder since 12/23 caused by badly burning out and not stopping work + too much stress from all sides, mostly family and workspace/company. It started close to xmas and wanted to finish year and worked until my body completely disabled to it to me but right after it came xmas, which is not my fav time of year ending in keeping me in attacks 24/7. Btw Im 29yo man, 193cm, 90kg, sporting, financial advisor self employed, living alone, used to be really busy all the time, multiple addictions behind me mostly because depression (alcohol),pain (kratom) and stimulants bcs its so addictive with adhd :D But I dont abuse anything since 02/23 when I barely survived WD from forced CT a lot of alcohol every day and I want to be healthy and drugs free!
I am currently getting off xanax and on SSRI, starting my new recovery plan below as previous didnt help enough and asking if you know anything that could help me get my full life back sooner I work as I can/want, mostly 2-6 h/day and only from home, going to multiple types of therapy, investing insane money to get recovered and looking for every possible way. I am open for any tip or advice on nootropic, peptide, maybe even SARMs that could help me get over this. Even if you dont have time or dont want to read all previous treatment and new plan and have idea what could help me, write it please. But I have to be careful with anything interacts with SSRI as I will be also on buspar, I have a safe med for serotonin syndrome if needed.. Also if you see gaps or risks in my meds plan, some ideas, useful info or better ways, I will be glad to know it:) Mostly about Memantine - when to use, in which part of protocol it will be most beneficial or what to expect.
I use/tried almost every useful supplement including adaptogens, herbs, expensive vitamins, mushrooms, gotu kola, NAC, tyrosine, inositol and just anything that could be useful + basics use all year. Also have Alpha GPC which made my adhd brain supercomputer before I got beaten but now doesnt work. Tried before noopept and a lot of racetams, idra21 and some more but with no effect and modafinil before with effect, but mostly anxiety, too much concentrating on one thing and severe insomnia.
I am already pretty sure about Agmatine, Sulbutiamine instead of Benfotiamine (any difference?), not sure of Bromantane on ssri (?), 9-me is no go, maybe NALT (?), Theacrine as Im tired from SSRI all the time and too much coffee makes me axnious, maybe Vinpocetine or Uridine triacetate? centrophenoxine? dihexa?
My treatment from december to now:
I had no idea wth is this, told my psychologist what is happening to me and asking many times if its serious and casually replied that is probably from stress. So I treated it as burnout by resting, then removing original causes and triggers, removing problems from my mind and life, reducing stress to minimum, even leaving my pretty good paid job after 9 yers. But nothing helped besides benzos which made me not feel attacks so much and when I went off after 6 weeks, symptoms came back the same day.
I always said no to ADs but this time I didnt see any other option so I got SSRI citalopram 20, later 30mg now 6 weeks, first weeks were hell of anxiety and tiredness, last 2 weeks they help but effect is enough to keep me attack free only at home, outside flat still almost instant PA + side effects are still bad.
Same with benzos now again for 6 weeks afte break from previous cycle, mostly xanax 1,5-2mg a day, when Im home with no problems I can stay on 0,5mg with no WD. But want to quit asap, Im standing on the edge of little discomfort or living hell WDs. Also it makes me dumb, careless and not caring, but dont have cravings or abuse them, until now there was no other medication in my country :/ Also I already had GABA WDs pretty bad from alcohol many times and from phenibut in february by mistake (3 weeks of 2-3x a week before I had benzos). I would rather skip this opportunity to be on boat walking simulator with scary shadowy guy in my bedroom.
Next week I will make a big changes:
Will to add Buspar in small doses to SSRI, probably 30mg citalopram + 2x7,5mg buspar for long term and propranolol over benzos before I leave flat for panic attacks - I have mostly physical symptoms and over these months my brain has learned to go panic mode when I go around people or noise but im not scared, wanting to hide or anxious, want to go out. Hope this will allow me to relearn the BIOS of my brain and body they wont start panicking as it has learned over months of nonstop attack (january until end of april, just moving on scale 1-10 but never off). Propranolon as beta-blocker should not allow my body to go panic defense mode and mental anxiety I can handle now. My mind is still quite ok, not much depressed or in bad mood, last days even thinking a bit sharper and can handle it but body/brain program are stuck. Hope this will allow me over time to get off SSRI to just Buspar + non addictive anxiety aid as needed or at least switch to SNRI or Wellbutrin as im energetic person but with this SSRI im meeeeeeeh all the time.
As propranolon arrives I will cut benzos to lowest dosage where I wont feel WD, probably 0,5mg/day and switch to Clonazepam (have benzos and can ask doc anytime), keep this dose for 2-3 weeks, taper to 0,35mg, wait and this until i go down around 0,2mg/day. Maybe slower if it will be painful or risk worse WDs when i cut them off.
For quitting benzos I have clonidine (WD reduce, camling, ADHD), pregabalin (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure but addictive), baclofen (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure also addictive)), Etifoxine (nonbenzo anxiolytics, I guess mostly PAWS) and Topiramate (seizure and migraine prevention, WD reduce) and Hydroxyzine (sleepy antihistamine nonaddictive) to get off them asap with no risk seizure and suffering for weeks in terrible WDs. I wont use all the aids together but as needed for current symptoms and not get hooked on none of them as only atarax is safe.
Also finally will get ADHD meds atomoxetin, but as I have no energy, even adhd is not so present and clonidine also helps for adhd. And I have found one super special med you will be interested about- Memantine (bgpharm), do you have experiences about this so called miracle drug? It make you feel softly with unlimited brain power, also it shall lower tolerances to almost all substances and by 30-60% over 7-14 days and then make WDs easier + also helps ADHD. But have no idea when to use it in my plan, I got 2 packs and its cheap so can buy more but dont want to mess with getting off bzs and learning to manage going out. Same question with atomoxetin - when to start? its not stimulant so it should not affect attacks nor benzo WD but idk.
Just in case there would be too much serotonin I will have Cyproheptadine for SS. It should not happen from SSRI+Buspiron but some nootropic or WD med can cause it. And just remembered I shall take some ephedrine/yohimbine if my BP or HB goes too slow from propranolon/clonidine... :/
I will still go for checks to doc and psychiatrist but the medical procedures in my country got stuck in time in year when producers of SSRI/benzos gave some gifts for doctors or politics. So they just give you this combo announcing you it will work (didnt) and you wont get addicted in 3 months of xan (would). Also propranolon is not approved med for anxiety in my county, only bzds and buspirone, but after trying several ADs on you :/
Thank you so much for any knowledge you share with me!

In 2010, I was facing felony charges for distribution of drugs. I was a drug addict. Hook line and sinker. But never admitted that to myself. My drug of choice? Anything I could get my hands on. Cocaine, ecstasy, weed, Xanax, Oxycontin, ciggys, alcohol, ativan, seroquil, spice, mushrooms.. You name it.
Desperately wanting to avoid prison time, I did whatever I could to turn my life around. The potential pain in carrying on was too great to tolerate. This was my rock bottom.
I enrolled in college, started working out every day, got rid of any "friends" that wanted to continue that lifestyle.
And quitting my daily drug use?
It wasn't a factor. I was too scared. I was willing to do anything to escape my prison sentence so I dropped them all without looking back. I was lucky. Lucky I had hit rock bottom. Lucky that everything collapsed around me. I needed a push and this was it.
Apparently the judge saw that I was making real change and I was able to avoid prison. I was slapped with a couple of felonies, fines, and drug and rehab classes.
Having felonies on my record was hard. I couldn't get a decent job. Even Walmart was excited to hire me, but then rejected me because of my record. I knew that I had turned a new leaf. I just needed someone to see that I was changed now.
Luckily, I found a family that needed help with their special needs kid.
I worked for them for long enough to get my felonies reduced and expunged off my record.
When hard drugs turn into soft drugs.
I thought I was "drug free" because I had stopped all illegal drugs. But soon I found myself consuming copious amounts of caffeine in order to lose weight and get "Jacked". You see, I found a passion for natural bodybuilding and Jiu-Jitsu around 2011.
I consumed endless content on how to lose body fat so I could finally get a six pack. A lot of YouTubers at the time were promoting pre-workouts like Jack3d. Which also had another stimulant called 1,3 dimethylamylamine - or DMAA. Which was banned after it had become known to be problematic.
So there I was, taking Jack3d, working out, and trying to figure out how to get a six pack. I hired the same coaches that my favorite YouTuber Matt Ogus had. 3DMuscleJourney. I got very serious with Diet and training.
When I started with 3DMuscleJourney in 2012, I had been working out for a solid year. I had gotten down to 195lbs from 215. Not a huge difference. And I had put on a good amount of Muscle in that time.
3DMuscleJourney taught me and guided me on how to train effectively while dieting and how to diet efficiently by tracking macros. But my preworkout and caffeine use had spiked up 1,500mg a day. I used caffeine as a substitute for food. After 12 weeks, I was down to 160lbs.
I was fit by any person's definition. My new found glory would soon collapse as my caffeine and DMAA use caught up to me. I started having bad shoulder pain, my joints were achy and cracky, popping every time I moved. I started stretching and doing mobility exercises but the pain in my body only got worse. I was unable to sleep. I would have fits of rage followed by lows of doubt and depression.
Then, I broke. I was no longer able to exercise because of the pain. I started eating more to see if it would help my joints. I quickly gained 30lbs. Probably within only a few weeks. I ended my coaching and started to slip back towards the abyss
That's when I figured out that caffeine and DMAA were both a huge problem.
I had been consuming caffeine my whole life. But never thought twice about it. It was a legal substance that a kid could go buy in a vending machine. How bad could it be? Broken, I decided to quit.
I was quickly able to cut out DMAA. But every attempt at quitting caffeine left me in so much pain that I would quickly rationalize going back to it. I never made it past two weeks.
Why was this harder than quitting all of those harder drugs?
I guess decades of using a softer drug still carves out some pretty steep ravines in your reward pathway. Caffeine was my last vice. Or so I thought..
I read the book "Caffeine Blues". This book explained that caffeine is not healthy in any way. It is a stimulant that causes your body to break down over time just like any drug. The book outlined some of the negatives associated with caffeine.

• Poor sleep, even if you didn't consume caffeine close to bedtime
• Joint pain from increased muscle tension.
• Poor vitamin and mineral absorption.
• Energy crashes and mood swings.
• Irritability.
• Psychosis.
• Masking negatives of caffeine with drugs and alcohol.

The list goes on. This was crazy. The book recommended tapering off of caffeine. While I was able to wean down to 300-600 most days. I couldn't get myself to fully commit. I started to look for some help.
Maybe I needed something to give me energy and focus while I quit?
I started to look at "Nootropics" to help me focus. I tried a large variety of them.

• Noopept
• Modafinil
• Piracetam
• Aniracetam
• L-Theanine
• Phenibu
• Kratom
• Nicotine
• A large variety of other supplements.

Non of this helped me quit caffeine. I soon realized that these legal "Performance enhancers" were just drugs. With their own highs and lows. And negative effects over time. I ended up quitting all of this after a year.
It was back to the drawing board.
Around the end of 2015, I ended up doing a 3 month or so long caffeine taper. Using caffeine powder and a mg scale I bought off Amazon. The plan was slow and steady. 1-2mg per day. I didn't want to notice my caffeine levels were dropping. After about a month under 25mg, I started feeling great.
My joints felt great, Arizona heat was more comfortable, I craved healthy food and exercise, I slept like a baby, the list goes on. I had raised my testosterone levels from 320ng/dL to 575ng/dL.
But then, just as I finally let go of caffeine. There was a surprise. A curve ball that would change my life forever.
The boy who lived...
My first child was to be born. The 24 hours in the hospital was an introduction to the lack of sleep I would face over the next few years. I caved..
One or two cups of coffee later, my son was born, and a new cycle of baby wake me up > being tired > caffeine to get me through the day > poor quality sleep > baby wake me up had begun.
I got got even more dependent on caffeine. I could no longer just take a nap whenever I wanted. I was a mess. Feeling like shit, with high stress, I also started drinking alcohol and smoking weed again. My testosterone levels plummeted down to 275ng/dL.
Great move dad..
I wanted to get healthy again. I started reading books about health, nutrition, meditation, etc. I wanted to attack this problem from multiple angles. I started eating a plant-based diet, meditating, exercising, taking ice baths, etc. I quit alcohol and weed again. Tapering my caffeine down below 100mg again.
I was starting to feel better. Even got my testosterone levels all the way up to 575ng/D
The girl who lived..
Sorry about the Harry Potter references...
Just when I thought it was over, another curve ball to my health goals. Something that would start the lack of sleep cycle all over again.
You guessed it.. another child! This time, there was a baby girl in my house. This new baby came with new challenges. Our daughter was born with cataracts. She had to have surgery at around 3 months old to get them removed. So not only did we have to deal with the lack of sleep stress again, and boy did she excel in that area, we had to deal with putting contacts in a baby...
Imagine a grown man squeezing their fist closed. And you have to delicately open up their fist, and place a sticky note on their palm without bending the paper. And the grown man is also having a seizure at the same time. Also, you haven't slept a quality night of sleep for weeks.
Needless to say, but I'm going to say it, our stress levels shot through the roof. We had new worries and fears about our daughter's condition and the caffeine cycle ramped back up again. All while trying to focus on my new career in IT and raising our other child.
Testosterone Replacement Therapy
I think sometime early 2023, a friend told me he was on Testosterone replacement therapy (TRT). I knew my low test levels were due to stress, caffeine use, lack of sleep, belly fat, poor eating habits, etc. But I was desperate for some edge that would help me finally quit caffeine and get healthy again.
I thought, if I can use Testosterone to help me get healthy, then I can get off of it later and not suffer any consequences.
Boy was I wrong
TRT did give me more drive and gusto to get stuff done. It also made me work harder than my body wanted. I started getting more back pain from harder weightlifting session, I actually started doing more caffeine, and even weed again. I was like 6 years clean from weed at this point.
This made me over confident. Like I could handle anything, which led to poor decisions. I felt like a horny teenager and it made it hard to focus. I started masturbating furiously..
After 4 months stabbing myself in the ass, and draining my life essence, I decided to quit TRT cold turkey. I knew this wasn't what I needed.
Withdrawals from TRT were bearable. I had waves of depression, lack of energy, etc. But I got through it. I'll probably get my levels tested again soon. As I write this, I have been off of TRT for 12 months now.
I leaned more heavily on caffeine while I was coming off of TRT. My current levels are around 400mg per day. But tapering off is my primary focus. Or maybe I should try cold turkey again? Not sure how I can afford to be a useless zombie for weeks while I have a full time job and 2 kids to look after.
"Semen retention" and NoFap
For years, I had made half ass attempts at doing No Fap and quitting porn. The benefits claimed by people who have tried it are:

• Increased energy
• Vigor
• Willpower
• Can function on less sleep
• Increased confidenc
• Better focus and concentration
• Muscle growth
• Increased Libido

I started to read some books about the topic. This big two were "Your Brain on Porn" and "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow". These books took a more Science-based approach. There were also a couple books that were a little off tilt such as "Bliss of the Celibate" and "Why You Should Never Masturbate". These books included a lot of hokey about chakras and religion.
I never made it passed two weeks.
After TRT, I decided to give it a real go. NoFap/ Semen retention felt like my final try at getting an "edge". I lasted over a month. Just around the 3 week mark, I had felt the same benefits of TRT without all of the negatives. I also learned, that you have to be all in.
Any sexual thoughts had to be banished. Just think of something else. If you entertain lust at all, you will fail. Stay off social media where you may run into soft porn, which can start the spiral that leads you to porn, etc.
I was able to control my caffeine intake finally, my sleep was better, my wife was more attracted to me, I was more patient with the kids. I finally found the answer.
But then, I relapsed. And lost sight of the benefits. I had forgotten.
Slowly everything started slipping again. With small nofap stints here and there never lasting more than two weeks.
As I write this, I am realizing that caffeine was never my problem. It was a symptom of something else. I am currently on day 6 of retention and have made it my number one priority again. I need to remember this. I need my edge back.
The journey continues..
Life is full of ups and downs. And decisions you make (good or bad) compound over time. I know all of the positive effort, and commitment to personal development has paid off over time. Even though it may have been slower than I had hoped.
This story leaves out a lot. But I'd love to have a conversation with anyone who has had similar struggles. I have been going at this alone. I can only imagine how much more growth there can be surrounding yourself with like-minded individual
Ta Ta for Now.

Is this a good balanced plot?
So some friends and me want to write a book. we wrote some ideas for plots but mine is the one I'm asking about in this post. In all our ideas, it would be a young adult Fantasy/ Horror book with LGBTQIA+ themes. If you don't support please just read a different post. I don't want any of that kind of hate. The plot is 1007 words, is that okay? I accidentally posted it in the wrong place before.
Possible Trigger Warning for mentions of gore, death, cults, and mentions of torture.
Numbered characters don't have names yet.
The Eight Divines
A widely known cult called the Creed of the Eight Divines survives a deadly plague while the rest of the world is suffering. The Creed the Eight Divines tells its followers that the plague is brought on by sin. Outsiders are killed on spot because they will bring their sins with them. The real reason is that they know the truth about the plague.
It starts with an execution. A body with a sac over its head is being hung. It writhes for a bit before becoming still, swaying in the cold winter air. A child's stuffed toy falls from its cold greying hand. The Leaders remind the Children of the Creed that outsiders are sinners who carry the plague.
There is a yearly sacrifice and two young Children of the Creed, Niko and Talis, get chosen. Niko thinks it's bullshit because they found out the truth about the plague. The truth being that The Creed of the Eight Divines made the plague, that the plague is not just a disease but a being that they believe is their Lord. That takes over people’s bodies. Inhabiting hundreds of people at once until they die in a span of a day to a week depending on how hungry it is, then moving on to find new hosts.
The cult leaders believe that the plague was their duty to spread, to wipe out the non-believers. A few immune people outside of the cult survive and grow as different communities. Niko finds all this out and thinks it's wrong. Niko also finds out that the other people who are sacrificed all had found out about the truth. They don’t get a chance to tell Talis.
Talis is honoured to serve their Lord by their death, as they are brainwashed and believe everything the cult leader says. Unknown to even themself, Talis is an experiment of the church. Created to turn into a monster. The two have been best friends for a long time. But they are completely loyal to the cult.
Niko believes that they can change Talis’s mind by telling them about an escape plan and try to tell them what they found out. Talis doesn’t believe Niko, and betrays them by telling the Children of the Creed about the plan. Before they can be captured, Niko makes a desperate escape attempt and gets out but Talis is sent to hunt them down with a few other loyal “Children of the Creed”. After escaping, Niko meets a community of new people and decides to live with them, while Talis is struggling because something strange and horrifying is happening to them.
Something snaps inside Talis and they turn on the Children of the Creed with them. Brutally murdering them. They get back in control of themself and realise what they did. They run off and soon getting lost. Niko finds Talis almost passed out while on a patrol with some other people but it's not what is expected. There is no big fight. Niko convinces Talis that they aren’t mad at them and it's not their fault, but Talis falls unconscious at their feet. Niko is scared for Talis because even though they betrayed them, they were only being loyal to the only thing they knew, and Niko genuinely has faith that Talis can change.
They live for a few months in peace, away from the cult, and Talis meets someone new named Finn. Talis struggles with their feelings towards Finn and discovering who they are and want to be. They were raised believing homosexuality and being transgender is a horrible sin. Finn helps Talis and becomes good friends with them.
Both Niko and Talis plan with a small group of people how to end the cult and free all the people. Niko doesn’t want Talis to come on the plan because they are getting sicker. Talis wants to go and they both get into an argument, with people from the group choosing sides. Talis loses control and attacks Niko, but gets knocked out while the fight is being stopped.
In this moment of arguments and anger, the Children of the Creed that had discovered the location of the camp, raids the community and a fight ensues, in which Talis is captured along with some of the other people living outside who didn’t escape. Among the people who escaped are Niko, Greyson, #5, #6, #7, #8, and #9. The captured people are all brought back to the cult. The secret about Talis is uncovered, leaving them shocked and horrified. Talis is tortured and made to watch as the cult executes the people they had been living with and getting to know for so long, including Finn.
Niko’s plan changes from ‘end the cult’ to ‘rescue Talis and anyone else still alive’. Over a few days as Niko prepares to raid the cult, Talis is slowly changing into the monster they were created to be. When the raid is finally made, all hell breaks loose when Talis, now turned monster, breaks out of their cell and starts rage killing the cult followers and leaders in revenge for Finn and all the torturing and trauma they had dealt with over many years.
While that is happening, the plague breaks into the cult, killing everyone it can infect as it is hungry for new hosts. #8 dies in the fighting. The people in the group from the community that are immune rescue all the people they can, while Niko goes to find Talis. Niko first sees Talis when they are about to kill the remaining cult leaders. They manage to calm Talis down when they are about to kill the leader who tells them about a cure for both the plague and Talis's monster, in a desperate plan to save himself. They kill him and leave with all those alive, uninfected, and willing, along with Greyson, Shiga, #5, #6, and #9.
In the epilog, a funeral is held for Finn, #8, and all those who lost or gave their lives.
If we write and finish it, we could write a book based on finding a cure for Talis and the plague.
Thoughts??