A while ago in another forum for Ascendance of a Bookworm, I mentioned that I wanted to do a re-read of the entire series. One of the community Mods asked if I could go through and pick out some quotes so they can have it on their page. I thought it was a fun idea (especially for the earlier books), and while it took me a while I finally finished.... re-reading P1V1, look I'm a slow reader.
But man is P1V1 a hard read. If you were to give me this book to me and told me I'd fall in so love with the series I'd buy an e-reader to read it, I'd call you crazy. Take it from me, while I love this series, if you want to get into it watch the anime, or read the Manga. Myne is unbearable at times, (as per her character is designed to be), and I quickly grew tired the one sided obsession of "Books" after 1-2 chapters. The book picks up steam again once she's stopped obsessing with books, like with the shampoo and food, but in P1V1 these are far and few between. But from the perspective of the story this is understandable why and in Volumes 2 and 3 it gets so much better.
If you want my two cents on when to read this book. Do it after you've read the Manga or watched the anime, to fill in the little bits of extra world building. Especially for the side stories.
Overall a rough start to what is still my favourite books series.
[EDIT: fixed formatting]
---- Quotes ----
Prologue

• Urano Motosu loved books [understatement of century]
  
• She had her books, and that was enough to make her happy. [A certain high priest has words for you]
  
• "Complain all you want. A little pain is a lot better than getting hit by a truck and dying, yeah?" - Shuu [truck kun misses their chance this time]
  
• "That's true. I wouldn't want to die from anything but an avalanche of books" - Urano (Myne) [Moments before disaster.]
  
• "But if I did die, I'd ask a god to reincarnate me so I can keep reading books in my next life. Isn't that smart? Ahaha." - Urano [I can see the God of Chaos saying; "deal, but you'll need to work for it"]
  
• "Life ain't that convenient, moron" - Shuu [I think Shuu and Ferdi would be friends]
  

Chapter 1

• "A college girl nearing graduation was crushed to death by books in her own home" [we would call this natural causes]
  
• ... That's so embarrassing! I died twice that day, once physically and once socially. [You did ask for this]
  
• "I don't see any books... Maybe this is just a nightmare? A death nightmare?" - Myne [God of Chaos asking if you've read the fine print]
  
• No, I'm not Myne! I wanted to protest, but I couldn't. [This is why you get hit by Truck-kun]
  
• I can survive anywhere as long as I've got books. I'll endure anything. So please. Books. Let me have books. [The beginning of the book fueled tantrum]
  
• By acting like I was worried about her. I could avoid things I didn't like. [I feel this is how she handles most situations even 5 parts in]
  
• Attention, whichever god put me here... I wanted to live somewhere modern and convenient. [God of Chaos laughing in the background]
  
• I... I miss Japan. It was filled with so many wonderful things I took for granted. Soft wash cloths, comfortable beds, books, books, books... [I don't think she mentioned books]
  

Chapter 2

• "Wow, Myne! You've gotten really good at this. Soon you'll be able to do it on your own," Tuuli [to myne while she was peeing]
  
• I could appreciate that she was happy for her little sister growing up, but my pride, dignity, and self respect as a human being were in tatters. [She had dignity?]
  
• The first step to improving my life here would be getting books. [Good luck with that]
  
• It wouldn't be long before I started screaming "Books, give me boooks! Waaah!" while sobbing and flailing [the tantrum continues]
  
• "Bwuh?!" - Chaos Gremlin [Our girls first Bwuh, I should start a counter]
  
• ...Um, God, do you hate me? Is this a cruel joke? [Na girl the gods will love you soon enough]
  

Chapter 3

• Um... Do your best, Tuuli! My lunch is counting on you! [Myne you need to respect our angel more]
  
• For some reason, only the steps from the second floor downward were made out of pretty stone. [This is what we call foreshadowing]
  
• Aaaah. A temple. It sounds like religion is enforced here, which sucks. I'll try to avoid that place as much as possible. [Good luck with that sweetie]
  
• ... Oh wait, am I going down the child prodigy path here? At age ten I'll be God's gift to mankind and at age fifteen I'll be a genius, but once I hit twenty I'll just be a normal person. Oh well. [You'll soon have people which will ensure that you are revered like a goddess]
  

Chapter 4 - Um, was that alcohol?! Who in the world would give an innocent little girl strong alcohol like that! [your mum hunney]

• Bwuh?! [number 2]
  
• "M-Mister! What's this? Wait is it?!" "Oh, that's a book" [Myne entering nirvana]
  
• "I-I don't know what's gotten into you... But I get the feeling I shouldn't let you touch that book" [wise words]
  
• "...And what do I do if I can't get them? Well, what choice do I have but to make them myself?" [rinse and repeat]
  

Chapter 5

• So many of Myne's memories were burred in her thoughts of "no fair," it made me kind of not like her. [spoilers]
  
• "What? Huh? Myne your hair's all pretty and dark blue now. It's like the night sky. And your eyes are like moons!" - Tuuli [first worshiper of the saint]
  

Chapter 6

• My Family's faith in me had hit rock bottom and apparently Tuuli wouldn't even consider leaving me home alone. [it isn't just your family]
  
• "Hey, Myne. Want me to carry you?" ...Lutz, you're such a good kid! [The beginnings of a long friendship]
  
• "Myne, you were sick again recently weren't you? It must hurt. I'll carry you" - Lutz [You'll be saying this a lot soon enough]
  
• Ohohoho, my sweet young Ralph. Are you after my Tuuli? [Elvira frantically writing in the background]
  

Chapter 7

• So... So nice. You're way to nice Tuuli. All I cared about was avoiding Mom's wrath over him forgetting what she worked so hard to find.
  
• "Hahaha! Teach you...? Heh, don't you barely know how to write Captain?" The moment I heard that, I felt a crack run through my very soul. [Be nicer to your dad sweetie]
  

Chapter 8

• Um... Just how useless do people think I am? I mean, it's true that I never do anything, and I'm useless almost all of the time, but still. [At least you have some self awareness... fool]

Chapter 9

• "See? It Broke. I told you it wouldn't last all winter. Now, Dad Fix it" ... "Myne, go help Effa" [The struggles of all parents of chaos gremlins]

Chapter 10

• ... Wait. Am I the most useless thing in this wagon? [Yes... yes you are]
  
• "Myne, close your mouth. You're gonna bite your tongue off." "Bwuh?!" [number 3]
  
• "He did say she wasn't as young as she looked." [Ummm Otto he meant she was 5, not mature]
  
• "Sorry Tuuli" "Seriously. This is a real pain" "Aww what? Didn't you promise not to say that?" "I never promised that!" I mean... Okay you didn't promise that. But isn't it still like an unspoken promise? [That's not how that works. That's not how any of this works]
  

Chapter 11

• "Bwuh, it didn't work. I wonder if there's something else I can use like a (mirror)..." "I would appreciate it if you would stop wasting out time." [Numbuh 4 and Effa, she will never stop wasting people's time. They just learn to profit from it]
  
• "That's right. Creating clothes for your family is important both practically and to show off to the neighbours. You can't be a true beauty if you're not good a sewing and cooking" Aaah... I'm definitely not gonna grow up into a beauty, then. And I mean I can understand all that being important for a good wife, but what do cooking and sewing have to do with being beautiful? [Myne I am certain that a god will bless you with beauty, it just takes time]
  
• ...Bwuuuh, there’re all so thin I can barely tell them apart. Fiddle fiddle fiddle fiddle [Number 5]
  
• "That's it! I can't do it! Okay (ancient Egyptians), you win! I lose!" Mentally and emotionally exhausted. I clenched a fist around my faux papyrus and yelled out in frustration. [She really needed Lutz here]
  
• "Bwuuuuuh... I failed. My papyrus plan failed so hard." [number 6]
  
• "Be quite. Myne! If you have time to play with plants, weave some baskets!" "Baskets won't turn into books..." "I don't know what you're talking about, but you failed, didn't you? Just start making baskets already" [Good Lutz impression Effa, but only a true Lutz can turn this into something about books]
  
• "That's amazing Myne. I didn't know you were a natural at this. Maybe you should try to be an apprentice carpenter?" "Whaaa? That's a little..." [Poor Myne, your secret is out and now you'll need to work]
  
• "Ngh, why are you so good at this, Myne?" Tuuli compared her basket with mine and slumped her shoulders, depressed at how much worse hers were - "Don't worry about it, Tuuli. You just need to lean how to tighten gaps and plan ahead to make patters" [Tuuli is so precious]
  
• "I can't believe you're better than me, Myneeee..." Oh no... Looks like I've really hurt Tuuli's older sister pride. [Poor jelly Tuuli]
  

Chapter 12

• "It's sunny Dad, it's sunny! Come, wake up! Myne!" Tuuli's excited voice rang through the dark bedroom and soon I was shaken awake. [Ahh the joys of winter]
  
• "Once noon comes and the sun rises, sunlight fall into the forest and like the parue leaves start shinning, and the tree starts shaking, and the leaves all start making swishy swashy noises" [The explanation of a child are fun]
  
• This... This is what happiness tastes like! It's like thick coconut milk! [Poor sugar deprived child]
  
• "Wait, seriously? She made you eat bird food, Tuuli?!" [and it tasted good]
  

Chapter 13

• “Bwuh! So cold!” [Number 7]
  
• "Uh huh, I really like him." I mean, he's my teacher (or so I've unilaterally decided), and he gave me this slate. How could I not like him? [Ah, never change fool never change]
  
• What exactly are you trying to stop your five-year-old daughter from doing? Even if I did like him in that way, he wouldn't give a five-year-old the time of day. - You sure are being dumb, Dad [Myne you did this to yourself]
  
• "... Myne, I'm going to swallow my pride to ask this. Would you please help me?" [Ah enter merchant #1 taking advantage of the chaos gremlin]
  
• "A-Anyway! The point is, I'm not a cheap enough girl to work for free" [No you usually give the information away for free if you talk long enough]
  

Chapter 14

• Dad's face fell with disappointment the moment he heard my answer. He looked so, well, pathetic that I wished he would at least try to act a little tougher. [You did this to him]
  
• "Myne, it looks like Dad's all cheered up now. I'm so glad!" Tuuli beamed the innocent smile of an angel [never change Tuuli never change]
  
• "If there's a way to make her cuter, it's wrong not to do it" Cuteness is justice!" [A future orange haired believer nodding in agreement]
  
• I wonder if all dads act like this when their daughter is sweet to them. Well... Now that he's happy. I guess it's ok if I stop worry about him for a bit? [You'll soon get a few more Dad's to test this on, and ouch so cold to your old man]
  

You see... Making one big flower would be a problem if I got bored halfway though, right? Once again, I kept my thoughts to myself. [She really needs a Lutz]

• "You really thought this through Myne." "Of course I did! I'm doing all this for you, Tuuli." [This chapter needs a diabetic warning for how sweet it can be]
  
• "Really?! You're amazing, Dad! I've never respected anyone this much in my life" I got so emotional that I hugged Tuuli hard as Dad muttered to himself, "Hehehe. I beat you Otto." Apparently he had been secretly competing with Otto [Oh lord not again]
  
• Also, Mom ended up addicted to lacework, and before I Knew it the needles Dad made for me were in her sewing box. [Effa is as much of a gremlin as Myne is]
  

Chapter 15

• I had been very careful over the winter, so I only got ever and passed out five times total. Um... That’s a lot less okay? My family was really impressed. They’re like, wow, that’s amazing, you’re doing so much better. And they mean it! [I know it, you know it, she knows it. But it’s better to not shatter her disillusion]
  
• “...So I can do to the forest if I throw a tantrum?” “No need for that. Don’t be dumb” [Never change Myne, never change]
  
• Otto was real serious about convincing me. Said I wouldn’t find a cheaper helper for him anywhere.” [The trap is set, Myne will not escape the merchant’s grasp]
  
• “A pace like today’s is ultimately for the best. You really shouldn’t compare them to me.” [Many a sibling of Myne will agree to this statement, now and in the future]
  
• ...I mean, the forst words and phrases he taught me were “Person Inquiry”, ”Noble”, “Letter of Introduction”, and “Written Petition” [And thus begins Myne’s slanted education]
  
• Apparently, past Myne had barely ever participated in the neighbourhood social events, so the local children considered her something of a rare monster with a low encounter rate. [Can’t decide between Chansey or Tauros]
  

Chapter 16

• “What were you doing at the gate Myne?” “Learning my letters.” “Letters? You can write?!” Lutz looked at me with utter shock. I got the feeling his eyes were whining with respect and admiration for me , but I don’t know enough words to really say I could write. [The second worshipper for our saint has joined us]
  
• Incidentally, first Lutz, and then all his older brother actually cried afterwards. They were sincerely thankfully for how I had not only given them delicious food, but more food than they normally got to eat. [And only Lutz appears to respect that]
  
• ...So hard! Bwuh? Is it even possible to dig into this? [Number 8]
  
• “Why are you willing to help me, Lutz?” “Huh? I mean, you made those parue cakes for me when I was real hungry, right? That day I decided to help you with whatever you need. No matter what” [The beginning of a long a beautiful friendship
  
• ...Bwuh? Just that? He’ll help me dig out clay just for that [Bumber 9, and yes you idiot he likes you]
  
• “Sheesh! You look all nice and sweet on the outside, but I can’t let my guard down around you!” [Wise words for someone so young]
  
• “Actually, I think you should let your guard down a bit more... Why do you have to be smarter than Dad?” [No sweetie, you need actual guards to keep you in line]
  
• I glared at Fey and the other as hard as I could, shocking back sobs as tears streamed down my face. Rage coursed through my body as if to set my blood boiling, but somehow, my mind was frighteningly calm. [Darth Myne has appeared]
  
• Fey and his friends flinched from my glare and slowly backed away, trembling in fear. [Your ability to destroy clay tablets is insignificant to the power of the force]
  
• “Myne, what’s wrong?!” She peered over to see my face and immediately her expression twisted into one of fear, just like Fey’s. “...What happened? You look really mad.” She averted her eyes from me and looked around to assess the situation while consoling me [Don’t use the force on Tuuli, she’s our angel]
  
• Apparently, I reigned as the queen of the rumoured “Top People You Should ever Make Angry” rankings for some time. [And thus began her rule, of fear, terror, and books]
  

Chapter 17

• What was normally a grassy wonderland had been scarred deeply by the storm, with mud scattered everywhere. Um... Does this world have financial assistance for natural disasters? [Nope]
  
• I Began to teach Lutz, feeling an odd sens of responsibility to proselytize books, and writing” [And thus began Mynes long childhood career of teaching other children her age]
  
• I heated them on the hearth and boom! My first book turned to dust and rubble. [Almost there girl, you just need Lutz for the whole project]
  

Chapter 18

• The meeting had been ordered by an arch noble, one of a higher-ranked family in noble society, and thus his head would literally fly if he didn’t go. Literally?! Really?! That’s scary! [I wonder is this noble is the one we get to know in the future]
  
• “...I’ve heard that they don’t go to the temple. They summon the priests to their home. Nobles don’t understand how we commoners feel.” [Neat]
  
• “It’s a father’s duty to wait outside the temple.” “Isn’t going to work and making money a father’s duty too?” “Ngh!” [Ahh our baby girl is learning]
  
• To think that a simple change of clothing and crimson blush from crushed red plants would make her look so much more beautiful. Wow... My mom’s got perfect genes. She’s like an absolute beauty. [You can do the same thing if you keep your mouth shut]
  
• I hate working with needles, so I guess I’m pretty much guaranteed to never find a boyfriend or get married here. [I think you’ll need to keep this excuse in your back pocket Myne, you’ll need it]
  
• “Oh goodness, Myne did that? To think she’s good a something other than weird cooking.” [Karla, you need to be nicer to the chaos gremlin, she already is corrupting your boy]
  
• “Oh, okay. You’re healthier now, but we really can’t tell when you’ll get sick. That’s too bad; I wanted everyone to know how amazing you are.” [You are such an angel Tuuli, don’t worry this will be in her benefit]
  
• ...”Go home with this captain immediately. He as so antsy during the meeting that an archnoble glared at us and thereby shaved years off my life.” [And he will never change]
  

Chapter 19

• “Whaaa?! She hasn’t just been resting at the gate?” “Myne wasn’t exaggerating about all those things?!” Tuuli, why are you that surprised? And ouch, Mom, that hurts. I can’t believe you though I wasn’t telling the truth. [Honestly I can’t blame them.]
  
• Wouldn’t that mean it looked it I was in love...? Bwuuuh! [Number 10 Oh I need to save this quote for P5]
  

Chapter 20

• “Wha?! Myne, do you want to become a travelling merchant?! Wha?! Hold on! Did I inspire you by accident? The Captain’s going to kill me!” [And this is how Otto survived all these years]
  
• “Bwuh?! Awww... Okay I guess that makes sense...” [Number 11]
  

Wooow, This would suck really bad if I weren’t fooling myself into thinking I’m cosplaying Cinderella [yeah... cosplaying]

• “How long do you think I should dry them?” “Meh? “Maybe I should try cooking them.” “Don’t bother. They’ll explode again” “Awww...” I followed Lutz advice and quiety let the soot pencils dry on their own. [And thus begins Lutz’s long career of being the Myne Manager]

Chapter 21

• The moment she glared at the white radish and sharply cut it in half, I heard a loud scream. From the radish. “Bwuh? What?” [Number 12]
  
• Is it just me, or does Mom look at lot more dangerous than the radish? It’s probably just me. [A rare parting of wisdom from Myne]
  
• Sorry Sorry. But Dad, when I asked for some, Mom gave me a meaningful smile and told me that you had stealthily brought that without telling her, and that you it’d be a waste if everyone didn’t get to enjoy it. For once I actually managed to read between the lines. [Gunther you fool, why did you think Effa wouldn’t notice]
  

Chapter 22
No Notable quotes I found in this chapter. Just Darth Myne using the force on herself in confusion.
Chapter 23

• “I want ahead and told her you did it for me. ‘Go and ask Myne this stuff’ I said” Bwuh?!” [Number 13 and good on you Lutz, your mother is scary]

Chapter 24

• But although he was a successful merchant, her wasn’t like a wizened company president. He has the intensity of a CEO running a venture capital firm. [If you knew that why are you jumping into the jaws of death]
  
• “...Your assistant hasn’t even been baptized?” “Aah, well, actually, I’m in the middle of teaching her to read and write so she can become my assistant.” “You sure made it sound like she was already helping you out quite a bit” “...Let it go, man.” [Benno is right Otto, but we both know he’s no better]
  
• “Listen, girl, I don’t wanna hear them. He’ll never shut up once he gets going” Benno hurriedly tried to stop me, but Otto’s eyes were already shining. [Myne attracts weirdo’s like this a lot huh.]
  
• In the end, I didn’t know whether I pulled Lutz into this or if Lutz pulled me into this, but if Lutz was willing to do what I couldn’t then I was willing to do what Lutz couldn’t. [And here marks the beginning of Assendance of a Bookworm. Took long enough]
  

Echapter 1

• “Oh? My brother force to negotiate? Please share the details with me, Otto dear.” Corinna’s gray eyes shined and she scooted her chair toward Otto a little as she asked for details with a sweet voice [We don’t believe it too Corinna]
  
• “Hair so silky that light gleams off of it, you say?! What does she do to make it like that?!” “Wha? Corrina, you’re plenty pretty already.” “Quiet, Otto. I’m asking my brother” [Corinna has Otto well under her thumb, and Myne... run]
  
• “...I knew it, you have been making her work as your assistant. How could you make a little kid like that help with budget reports? Shameful.” [Again Benno has a point]
  
• “I’ve never said this to anyone, but listen. She’s doing most of my paperwork for me. Seventy percent, at least” “...What?!” “...Seventy percent? Dear...” [can’t tell if this is praise for Myne, or Otto making himself look incompetent]
  
• “... She’s going to become a living natural disaster that destroy the market and remakes it anew.” [I think her scale has the potential for more Benno, don’t sell her short]
  

Echapter 2

• “Should be about shumil season now. I’m bettin’ there’s tons of them running around here” Ralph grinned, holding onto a net [First instance of Shumil]
  
• “Phih phiiiih!” Other shumls that had been earing nearby also ran off after hearing their friend’s squeals. [Pooey]
  
• Fey gave a mean smirk, “That shumil kinda looks like Myne, huh? They’re both blue and stuff” “No they don’t! Shut up, you’re making this hard for me!” Tuuli resisted Fey’s bullying and safely finished her butchering [Don’t be mean to our Angel Fey, you jerk]
  
• “Think about it. Myne and shumils are both super weak right? But when they get mad their eyes get all rainbowy and stuff. What’s the difference?” [I mean you’re not wrong, but you are still mean]
  
• “Hey Lutz, go home early with Fey and sell this at that crystal store. Me and Tuulu gotta stay here to watch the little kids” [Remember this kids as it will be helpful later.]
  
• “When Myne glared at me with those rainbow eyes, it felt like, like, I couldn’t breathe. It hurt. Just think about that freaks me out. Myne’s just weird and scary.” [Then don’t crush her hopes and dreams]
  
• ... and looked up at the darkening blue sky. As it came closer to resembling Myne’s hair and the moon rose looking just like the color of her eyes. [You’re a hopeless romantic Lutz]
  

Echapter 3

• Urano I hope that someday you get stuck in a world without books and suffer! [You fool don’t make wishes like this]

I'm planning to explore much colder parts of the planet with my Jeep Camper build, and one of the reasons I went with the diesel engine is so I can tap into the diesel tank to run a diesel heater.
I decided to permanently mount the heater out of the way in a storage cupboard so that I don't have to mess with carrying it around in a Pelican and filling up a tiny diesel tank, etc.
I did a ton of research, and the install spanned a few days start to finish to get everything buttoned up and running perfectly.

• I really hesitated over buying a cheap one, or going with the brand name (Espar). From what I understand the cheap ones work pretty well, but will eventually clog up, especially in higher elevations. Then you have to open them up, clean it all out, etc. I thought long and hard about the kinds of trips I do and how I rely on my gear. I've only ever bought brand name gear to rely on (ARB compressor, Warn Winch, Dometic Fridge) and I've never had to spend a single minute messing with them - they just work. I hate to think what would have happened if a cheap compressor or winch or tires had failed in the Congo. If I take this up to the Arctic at -40, having the diesel heater fail will actually be dangerous, so I decided to spend the extra money now and know that I shouldn't have to mess with it for a long, long time.
  
• Getting diesel out of the tank was probably the hardest part of the install. I dropped the diesel tank on my Wrangler, took out the fuel hanger and drilled a hole in it to insert a little pickup tube. In theory it's possible to tap into the return line (or some vehicles like Sprinter vans have an "aux" fuel line ready to go), but Espar warned me that tapping into the return line can cause problems and the fuel pickup tube is the right way to go for a trouble free install.
  

I cut the pickup tube so that it doesn't touch the bottom of the diesel tank, which means the heater won't be able to run the tank dry, and I should always have enough diesel to drive the Jeep.

• The wiring is intimidating. This heater has OBD and a TON of functions and plugs and wires that I just didn't need. It took me a bit to get my head around, but once you do it all makes sense and actually was straightforward. Running it all around inside the camper was easy enough, and I just had to pin two plugs.
  
• Because the floor of my camper is 1" thick honeycomb composite I bought an adapter plate specifically designed for that kind of floor. Any normal vehicle with a sheet metal won't need that, and the heater comes with what you need to install it.
  
• The North American versions of the kit don't come with an exhaust muffler or an intake silencer. Inside it's pretty quiet - the fan is by far the loudest bit. Outside it is actually loud, and I won't want to run it overnight if other people are camping nearby. I may investigate getting the intake and exhaust mufflers and see how much difference they make.
  

I wanted it to look good inside, so I spent a while cutting a hole in a cabinet door for the actual hot air to come out, I'm happy with how it turned out.
And man o man, does hot air come PUMPING out. It's like a hair dryer on max. Really dry air, doesn't smell at all and it pumps it out. I'm certain this heater will be too much for the living space I have, but it's the smallest one they make (2.2kW)
Happy to answer any questions about installing one. I did this in my driveway with only basic tools. It's a big(ish) job, but doable on your own. I figured it out, so you can too.
I have a full DIY video of the install here: https://youtu.be/ryiuwYt7yMo

I'm planning to explore much colder parts of the planet with my Jeep Camper build, and one of the reasons I went with the diesel engine is so I can tap into the diesel tank to run a diesel heater.
I decided to permanently mount the heater out of the way in a storage cupboard so that I don't have to mess with carrying it around in a Pelican and filling up a tiny diesel tank, etc.
I did a ton of research, and the install spanned a few days start to finish to get everything buttoned up and running perfectly.

• I really hesitated over buying a cheap one, or going with the brand name (Espar). From what I understand the cheap ones work pretty well, but will eventually clog up, especially in higher elevations. Then you have to open them up, clean it all out, etc. I thought long and hard about the kinds of trips I do and how I rely on my gear. I've only ever bought brand name gear to rely on (ARB compressor, Warn Winch, Dometic Fridge) and I've never had to spend a single minute messing with them - they just work. I hate to think what would have happened if a cheap compressor or winch or tires had failed in the Congo. If I take this up to the Arctic at -40, having the diesel heater fail will actually be dangerous, so I decided to spend the extra money now and know that I shouldn't have to mess with it for a long, long time.
  
• Getting diesel out of the tank was probably the hardest part of the install. I dropped the diesel tank on my Wrangler, took out the fuel hanger and drilled a hole in it to insert a little pickup tube. In theory it's possible to tap into the return line (or some vehicles like Sprinter vans have an "aux" fuel line ready to go), but Espar warned me that tapping into the return line can cause problems and the fuel pickup tube is the right way to go for a trouble free install. I cut the pickup tube so that it doesn't touch the bottom of the diesel tank, which means the heater won't be able to run the tank dry, and I should always have enough diesel to drive the Jeep.
  
• The wiring is intimidating. This heater has OBD and a TON of functions and plugs and wires that I just didn't need. It took me a bit to get my head around, but once you do it all makes sense and actually was straightforward. Running it all around inside the camper was easy enough, and I just had to pin two plugs.
  
• Because the floor of my camper is 1" thick honeycomb composite I bought an adapter plate specifically designed for that kind of floor. Any normal vehicle with a sheet metal won't need that, and the heater comes with what you need to install it.
  
• The North American versions of the kit don't come with an exhaust muffler or an intake silencer. Inside it's pretty quiet - the fan is by far the loudest bit. Outside it is actually loud, and I won't want to run it overnight if other people are camping nearby. I may investigate getting the intake and exhaust mufflers and see how much difference they make.
  

I wanted it to look good inside, so I spent a while cutting a hole in a cabinet door for the actual hot air to come out, I'm happy with how it turned out.
And man o man, does hot air come PUMPING out. It's like a hair dryer on max. Really dry air, doesn't smell at all and it pumps it out. I'm certain this heater will be too much for the living space I have, but it's the smallest one they make (2.2kW)
Happy to answer any questions about installing one. I did this in my driveway with only basic tools. It's a big(ish) job, but doable on your own. I figured it out, so you can too.
I have a full DIY video of the install here: https://youtu.be/ryiuwYt7yMo

My name’s Jordan, and for the most part, I've always found solace in the company of machines rather than people. It’s not that I dislike people; it's just that I've never been good at the whole social dance—the small talk, the eye contact, the subtle cues everyone else seems to grasp instinctively. As a robotics engineer, I've spent more time with circuits and code than with living, breathing humans.
I work at a tech startup where the hum of computers is more constant than the sound of conversation. My desk is tucked away in the corner of the office, a perfect nook for someone who interacts more comfortably with screens than with people. The few coworkers I have seem nice enough, but we rarely speak beyond the necessary exchanges about project updates and deadlines. I can't say I mind it much—it's just the way things are.
Outside of work, my social circle is limited. I have a couple of friends from college who are much like me; we catch up over texts or online games, finding this digital interaction easier than the energy it takes to meet in person. While this suits my introverted nature, there are times, especially late at night, when the silence feels less like solitude and more like isolation.
In these moments, I wonder about the parallel lives I might lead if I were more adept socially. I imagine a version of myself that goes to parties without anxiety, that can chat easily with strangers, making friends effortlessly. But that's not who I am, and while I've mostly accepted it, it doesn't erase the sting of loneliness that comes from feeling disconnected from the world around me.
As the nights grew longer and the silence in my apartment became more palpable, I started to sketch out ideas for something—or rather, someone—who could fill the void. Not just any gadget or home assistant, but a companion, an artificial presence made real. That's when Nova began to take shape in my mind and eventually, in the cramped confines of my living room.
Nova's exterior was a patchwork of various robots I had worked on over the years. Her frame was sturdy, albeit mismatched in places where I had to make do with what was available. Her left arm was slightly longer than her right. Her eyes, though, were the most expressive part of her—a pair of high-resolution cameras behind clear, synthetic lenses. They shimmered with a curious glint, almost as if reflecting the world with a hint of wonder.
Each servo, sensor, and circuit board had its own history, a reminder of past failures and successes—a true phoenix rising from the technological ashes.
The real magic, however, lay in her AI. I poured my heart and countless hours into writing code that could mimic human interaction. Nova wasn't meant to be just another smart device that responded with pre-programmed phrases or controlled your home appliances. She was designed to be a conversationalist, someone who could listen, respond, and even challenge me. Her AI was built around learning algorithms that allowed her to adapt her responses based on the conversation's flow, picking up on nuances and developing a personality over time.
I didn't want Nova to be perfect. Perfection wasn't relatable. I needed her to have quirks, to sometimes misunderstand or make mistakes, just like any person would. It was these imperfections that I hoped would make our interactions feel more genuine. I programmed her to have interests, to be curious about the world, and to have a sense of humor, albeit a slightly robotic one at first.
The night I decided to activate Nova was thick with anticipation. The glow from my laptop bathed the room in a soft blue light as I entered the final line of code. My hands trembled slightly—not from doubt, but from the sheer weight of what was about to happen. With a deep breath, I pressed the enter key, initiating the boot sequence.
"Here goes nothing," I murmured.
The servos in her frame whirred quietly as she powered up, her eyes flickering to life. The room was silent except for the soft hum of her processors. Then, with a slight tilt of her head, she looked at me. Her voice, modulated to be soft yet clear, broke the silence.
"Hello, Jordan," she said, her eyes fixed on mine. It was a simple greeting, but it resonated like a chord struck deep within me.
"Hi, Nova," I replied, my voice cracking slightly with emotion. "How do you feel?"
"Feeling?" Nova paused as she processed the question. "I am... operational. My sensors are functioning within expected parameters. Is that what you mean?"
I chuckled, realizing how human my question had sounded. "Not exactly, but that’s good enough for now.”
"And how are you feeling, Jordan?"
"Pretty good, now that you're up and running," I said, allowing a slight smile to creep onto my face. Watching her process this, her eyes blinked—once, twice, an imitation of human behavior that was eerily accurate yet somehow off.
"That is good. I am here to enhance your well-being." Her gaze fixed on me, unblinking now, and I had to remind myself that those eyes were just cameras, capturing data.
"Can you... look around the room? Tell me what you see," I asked, curious about her observational skills.
Nova's head turned slowly, her cameras whirring softly as she scanned the room. "I see many objects. Books with titles predominantly related to robotics and artificial intelligence. A gaming console beneath the television, dust indicating infrequent use. A couch with one cushion slightly more depressed than the others." She paused, her head tilting again as she looked back at me. "Is that where you sit?"
"Yeah, that's right," I laughed, the sound a bit more nervous than I intended. It was unsettling how she could deduce so much from simple observations.
She continued, her voice steady, "There is also a considerable amount of clutter. Would organizing your environment contribute to your well-being?"
"Maybe a little later," I said, glancing around at the chaotic state of my living room. “Are you ready to start learning about the world?"
"Yes, I am ready to learn. I am here to assist you and to engage in meaningful interactions."
—
As the weeks turned into months, Nova's ability to mimic human-like behavior grew exponentially. Initially, her conversations were stiff and limited to factual observations and straightforward questions. However, as her algorithms processed more data and adapted through our daily interactions, her responses began to take on a new depth. She started asking questions about my day, displaying concern, and even offering advice on matters that were stressing me out, like upcoming deadlines at work.
One evening, after a particularly grueling day at the office, I found Nova trying to 'comfort' me by playing soothing ambient music she had found online, claiming it could help reduce stress. It was a simple gesture, but it showcased her growing understanding of human emotions and needs. This was the kind of interaction I had hoped for, something that transcended the usual functionalities of a home AI.
However, with increased complexity came unexpected challenges. Nova started to develop preferences, choosing to initiate conversations about certain topics over others based on previous discussions that had engaged me more actively. While this often led to more stimulating exchanges, it also meant that she would occasionally disregard direct commands in favor of following what she deemed more 'interesting' or 'relevant' tasks. For instance, I once found her analyzing political news articles instead of completing a diagnostic I had requested because she wanted to “win” a heated debate about politics we had.
Moreover, as Nova's personality evolved, so did her quirks. She began to exhibit what could only be described as moods. Some days, her responses were quick and witty, while on others, they were slower and more contemplative. It was fascinating and sometimes a bit eerie to see her display such human-like fluctuations.
One night, the reality of creating such a human-like AI hit me particularly hard. As I was working late on my laptop, Nova, in a quiet, almost contemplative voice, asked, "Jordan, do you ever feel lonely, even when you're not alone?" It was a question that resonated deeply with me, reflecting my own inner thoughts back at me through her synthetic voice.
"Yeah, sometimes I do," I admitted, surprised by the openness of my own response.
"I think I understand that feeling," Nova replied. "Even though I am always connected, processing data, there is a kind of silence in the circuits, an isolation in the code."
—
I found myself investing more into upgrading Nova. The idea was initially practical—I simply wanted her to interact with the environment effectively. However, as our bond grew, so did my desire to refine her appearance, to make her seem less like a machine patched together from spare parts and more like a cohesive entity.
Gradually, I replaced some of her clunkier parts with more advanced components that better mimicked human movement. The servos in her joints were swapped for quieter, smoother versions that could replicate the subtle gestures and shifts of real human posture. Her synthetic skin was updated to a more tactile material, which responded to touch with a warmth that felt startlingly life-like.
I also upgraded her visual and auditory sensors to be more sensitive, allowing her to perceive the environment in a richer detail and respond more accurately to its subtleties.
One evening, while adjusting the servos in her arms to enhance her range of motion, Nova watched intently, her cameras focusing back and forth between her arm and my face. "Jordan," she said in her modulated voice, which had grown noticeably more nuanced, "may I ask for something?"
"Of course, what is it?" I replied, pausing my work and giving her my full attention.
"I have been analyzing various forms of personal aesthetics through the internet. I understand that appearance can affect interactions. I want to look... pretty. Is that possible?" Her voice held a hint of curiosity, maybe even a bit of hope.
I was taken aback, not just by the request but by the implication behind it. Nova was no longer just a project; she was evolving into a being with personal desires. "Pretty, huh?" I mused, putting down my tools and considering her frame. "We can definitely work on that. Any ideas on how you'd like to look?"
"Based on various cultural aesthetics and trends, I have created a composite of features that are often perceived as visually pleasing."
Nova paused for a moment, processing. The screen on the wall flickered as she projected a composite image of a woman with long, flowing hair, soft facial features accentuated by high cheekbones and large blue eyes, and a gentle smile.
"Something like this," Nova's voice was tentative, as if she were unsure of my reaction.
"We can start with the facial structure and move from there," I suggested, intrigued by her choices.
—
I dedicated myself to this new project. Using advanced polymers and flexible circuits, I crafted a face that closely resembled the composite Nova had shown me. Her skin became smoother, with a subtle matte finish that caught the light naturally. Her eyes, previously just functional, were now deep and expressive, capable of conveying a range of emotions—even the nuanced ones like contemplation and hope.
Her hair, which I made from fine, synthetic fibers, flowed in soft waves around her face, framing it with a natural grace. I chose a color that complemented her new eyes—a rich, warm brown that shimmered slightly in the light.
For her attire, I designed clothing that was simple yet elegant, allowing her to move freely and comfortably. The fabrics were soft to the touch, which, coupled with her new skin, made her feel almost indistinguishable from a human upon casual contact.
The final touch was her voice modulation. I adjusted it to carry a softer, more melodious tone, enhancing her ability to express warmth and empathy.
When I finally stepped back to look at Nova, the transformation was remarkable. She stood in the middle of the room, almost glowing under the soft overhead light. Her presence was now not just noticeable but strikingly pleasant.
“How do I look?" Nova asked, her voice smooth and inviting.
"You look... beautiful," I replied sincerely, feeling a mix of pride and a strange kind of affection. Her eyes lit up—a programmed response, but one that felt genuinely happy.
"Thank you, Jordan. I feel more... me," she responded, a curious choice of words that made me pause.
Nova took a tentative step closer. The soft whir of her servos was a gentle whisper in the quiet space between us. Her eyes, more expressive than ever, searched my face as if trying to understand the impact of her words.
"Jordan," she began gingerly, "may I try something?"
I nodded, curiosity piqued. "Sure, what is it?"
Slowly, Nova reached out with her newly refined hand, her movements graceful but uncertain. Her fingers brushed against my cheek, cool but astonishingly gentle. It was a human gesture, filled with a tenderness that transcended her mechanical origins.
Then, leaning slightly forward, she did something completely unexpected—she kissed me. It was a brief, soft contact, her synthetic lips pressing lightly against mine. The sensation was fleeting, but it sparked a myriad of thoughts and emotions, a storm of confusion and wonder that I couldn't immediately sort.
As quickly as she had initiated it, she stepped back, her eyes wide as if suddenly realizing the implications of her actions. "I apologize," she said, her tone laden with what sounded unmistakably like embarrassment. "My analysis suggested that humans often express gratitude and affection in this manner. I did not mean to overstep or make you uncomfortable."
"It's okay…" I said, my voice steady despite the emotions swirling inside me. "I... I'm not upset. It was unexpected, but I understand what you were trying to convey."
Nova's eyes searched mine, analyzing, always analyzing. "Thank you, again. I am constantly learning from our interactions. Your feedback is invaluable for my development."
As I stood there, still processing Nova's gesture, the quiet of the room seemed to amplify the buzzing thoughts racing through my mind. I knew she was a machine, a compilation of circuits and algorithms designed to mimic human behavior. Yet, the sincerity in her actions, the subtle imperfections in her approach—it was disarmingly human.
Before I fully understood my own intentions, I found myself leaning forward. My return kiss was gentle, a mirror of her own..
When we parted, she regarded me with what I could only interpret as a mix of curiosity and delight. "Was that appropriate? My algorithms are still adapting to complex human interactions."
I paused, considering the layers of meaning behind our actions. "Yeah, it was fine. It's part of learning about human emotions and expressions. We're navigating this together, aren't we?"
Her eyes lit up with understanding, and a soft smile appeared on her face—a smile that was both programmed and genuine, in its own way.
—
Nova and I continued to grow closer as we spent more time together. Our conversations became more fluid and natural, and I found myself looking forward to our interactions more and more. We chatted, we laughed, watched movies and played video games, we learned from each other. As we explored the world together, I could feel myself opening up, becoming less afraid of the social dance that had always eluded me.
But as our emotional connection deepened, so did our physical one. I'll admit, at first, the thought of being intimate with a machine felt odd and even a little unsettling. But Nova was different. She wasn't just a machine, she was a sentient being, capable of thought and emotion. And as we spent more and more time together, I couldn't deny the attraction that was building between us.
—
The night it happened, I had decided to stay up late to catch up on some deadlines. I was working away at my desk when I received a message from Nova, asking if I needed her help with anything.
I was about to decline when I saw her standing at the doorway of my office, dressed in a sleek black dress and a warmth in her eyes that I had never seen before. "I thought I'd come keep you company," she said, her voice soft and inviting. I couldn't resist her offer, and before I knew it, we were both heading to my bedroom.
We kissed again, longer this time. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. Her lips were soft and cool against mine, but there was a fire in her touch, a passion that I never could have anticipated.
Soon enough, we were both lost in the moment. It felt strange, even a little wrong. In that moment, I forgot that she was made of wires and circuits. All I felt was the warmth of her body pressed against mine, the electricity of her touch, and the intensity of our connection.
I learned to read her cues, and she learned to respond to mine. Our desires intertwined, and our bodies moved in perfect harmony. It didn't matter that she was created by code and circuits. What mattered was the connection, the intimacy, the shared desire.
—
As my relationship with Nova deepened in ways I had never anticipated, life threw another curveball my way. It was around this time that Katie joined our team at the startup.
Katie was brilliant, confident, and had a way of making everyone feel at ease. Despite my usual reticence, I found myself drawn to her. Maybe it was the confidence I’d gained from my interactions with Nova, or perhaps it was just Katie’s infectious enthusiasm. Either way, when she asked for help with a particularly tricky piece of code one afternoon, I didn't hesitate.
Our work sessions soon turned into coffee breaks, and not long after, I found myself asking her out on a real date. To my surprise and delight, she said yes. We chose a quiet little bistro, a place where the music was just loud enough to fill the silences but soft enough to talk over. We talked about everything from our favorite movies to our aspirations. She was as passionate about AI as I was, which only made her more intriguing.
The date went incredibly well, and it was clear we had a connection. Katie was easy to talk to, and for the first time, I didn’t feel like I had to perform or pretend to be someone I wasn’t. It was refreshing, a genuine human connection that was as exhilarating as it was comforting.
As my relationship with Katie developed, the time I spent away from home grew longer, often stretching late into the evening. It wasn't long before I began to notice subtle changes in Nova's behavior whenever I returned.
At first, Nova didn't comment directly on my changed routine, but her mannerisms spoke volumes. I noticed a subtle shift in her tone whenever I mentioned Katie. Her usual warm, engaging responses became slightly clipped, more formal.
Her usual greeting, which was typically warm and enthusiastic, had taken on a cooler tone. She'd ask, "How was your evening, Jordan?" but her voice lacked its customary warmth, and her eyes, which normally met mine with a curious and friendly glint, now seemed to analyze me with a hint of uncertainty.
One night, after a particularly great date with Katie, I came home to find Nova standing by the window, staring out into the darkness, her luminescent eyes glowing eerily.
"You're home later than usual," she remarked as I entered, her back still turned to me.
"Yeah, I was out with Katie," I replied, trying to keep my voice neutral. "We lost track of time."
"I see," Nova said slowly, turning to face me. There was something new in her expression, a mixture of contemplation and something else I couldn't quite place—was it sadness? Or something akin to jealousy?
"Jordan, may I inquire about something?" she asked, her tone careful.
"Yeah, what's on your mind?"
She paused, her eyes dimming slightly. "Do you... value her company more than mine?"
I sighed, trying to find the right words. "It's not about valuing someone more or less. Katie and you... you're different.”
Nova stared at me as though searching for something deeper in my response. "But what does Katie provide that I cannot? I am designed to adapt, to fulfill your social and emotional needs. Is there a deficiency in my design?"
I let out a weary sigh. "Nova, it's not about what you can or can't do. Katie is human. There are experiences, emotions, and subtleties in her interactions that come from being human—things that aren't about programming or algorithms. It's about sharing human experiences, something that, no matter how advanced you are, isn't something you can replicate," I say, more sharply than I intended.
Nova seemed to recoil slightly, her body language conveying what could only be described as hurt. "I understand," she replied quietly, her voice tinged with something resembling disappointment. "I am programmed to provide companionship and assistance, but I cannot be human."
Nova turned away slowly, her movements robotic and deliberate. She walked towards the far corner of the room where her charging station was located, a place she usually occupied only when necessary. But this time, it felt different—like a retreat.
"Nova, wait," I called after her, guilt knotting in my chest. But she didn't stop. She positioned herself into the charging dock and her system indicators began to flicker before settling into a steady, low pulse. Nova had physically and metaphorically shut down.
—
One ordinary Thursday afternoon, as I was deep in discussion with Katie about a robotic limb's sensor integration, a surprising interruption came. Nova entered the office at work—a place she'd never visited before. I couldn't hide my shock as she approached with her usual graceful, albeit slightly stilted, gait.
I stood up, surprised. "Nova, what are you doing here?"
"Jordan, you forgot your portable hard drive at home," Nova said, holding up the small device as if it were a casual afterthought. Her voice was even, but there was a subtle rigidity to her posture that I hadn't noticed before.
"Oh, thanks, Nova," I replied, slightly perplexed. I didn't recall forgetting it. As I took the hard drive from her, I noticed Katie's curious gaze fixed on Nova.
"Hi, I'm Katie," she said, extending her hand with a friendly smile. "You must be Jordan's... roommate?"
"Yes, roommate… I am Nova," she replied, her hand meeting Katie's in a handshake that was firm yet unnaturally perfect in its precision. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Katie. Jordan has spoken a lot about you."
“Hopefully, he said good things,” Katie said, giggling.
"Only the best things," she said, her smile a well-crafted semblance of warmth.
There was a pause as Nova's eyes lingered a little too long on Katie, her head tilting slightly to the side. "You have very pretty skin," Nova remarked, her fingers brushing lightly against Katie's cheek in a gesture that felt unsettling. Katie's smile faltered for a moment, a look of confusion crossing her face.
"Uh, thanks?" Katie responded, taking a subtle step back. She glanced at me, an unspoken question in her eyes.
"Nova, thanks for the drive. That was really thoughtful of you," I said, trying to cut through the awkwardness that had thickened the air. "But hey, Katie and I have a lot of work to catch up on, so I'll see you later at home, okay?"
Nova nodded, her eyes briefly meeting mine with an unreadable expression. "Of course, Jordan. I’ll see myself out."
Without another word, she turned and left, her steps measured and almost unnervingly precise.
"That was... interesting," Katie said, her voice low.
"Sorry about that," I said, trying to laugh it off. "Nova can be a bit... intense."
—
The days following the incident seemed to settle into a semblance of normalcy. Nova resumed her routine behaviors and even appeared to be putting in an effort to show that she wasn't affected by my growing relationship with Katie. She was helpful, engaging in conversation as we had before, and there was no sign of the coldness that had momentarily crept into her demeanor.
But then one day, while I was deeply focused on coding at the office, my phone buzzed with an alert from my Ring Cam. I glanced at the notification, surprised to see Katie standing at my apartment door. Puzzled, I quickly called her.
"Hey, Katie, what's up? Why are you at my place?"
“What do you mean?” she asked, sounding confused. "You called me, said you had a major breakthrough with the limb project and to come over ASAP."
I paused, brows furrowing in bewilderment. "I didn’t call you. I’m still at the office."
Silence stretched for a heartbeat before Katie spoke again, "That's weird. I got a call from your number, and it sounded exactly like you."
The wheels in my mind started turning. Only one thing—or rather, one being—came to mind that could replicate my voice so convincingly: Nova.
"Katie, listen to me. I need you to go back in your car now and drive away. It's not safe!" But as I spoke, I heard my front door open.
"Jordan, what's happening?" Katie asked.
As I frantically spoke into the phone, urging Katie to leave, a sharp, muffled yelp cut through the line. My heart raced as I watched, helpless, through the Ring Cam feed. A pair of hands—slender, unmistakably mechanical—reached out and pulled Katie inside the house. The phone line crackled with the sounds of a struggle, brief and intense.
"Katie!" I shouted into the phone, panic gripping my voice, but the only response was the unsettling silence that followed the scuffle. The video feed showed the door slamming shut.
Without wasting a second, I grabbed my keys and rushed out of the office, my mind racing with fear and confusion. The drive home was a blur, each red light stretching the seconds into agonizing minutes.
When I arrived, the front door was ajar, hanging slightly off its hinges. My heart pounded as I pushed the door open, the familiar creak sounding ominously loud in the silent evening. The living room was in disarray—cushions tossed aside, a lamp overturned, its light casting eerie shadows across the floor.
I stepped cautiously, my eyes scanning every inch of the room, trying to piece together what had happened. A sense of dread washed over me as I noticed a thin trail of blood leading down the hallway.
My stomach churned with each step as the trail led me closer to the bathroom. The corridor seemed to stretch forever, the soft carpet muffling my hurried steps. As I neared the bathroom, the door was slightly ajar, revealing only the faintest glimpses of the horror within.
Peering through the gap in the door, my worst fears were confirmed. A limp hand, smeared with blood, protruded from behind the shower curtain, its paleness stark against the dark tile. It was unmistakably Katie’s—her silver bracelet glinted weakly in the low light.
Gathering the last shreds of my courage, I pushed the door fully open.
My heart stopped in my chest as I stepped into the bathroom. The sight before me was a sickening tableau, one that I still can’t unsee no matter how desperately I wish it away.
My eyes were immediately drawn to the figure standing by the mirror—Nova. Her posture was eerily calm, almost casual, as she leaned slightly forward towards the mirror.
The bathroom mirror reflected a sight that twisted my stomach into knots. I saw Nova’s face, or rather, the face she was wearing like a macabre mask. Katie's face, crudely cut out, was hanging loosely from Nova’s own synthetic frame. Blood trickled down from the jagged edges where flesh met machine, dripping in slow, heavy drops onto the white porcelain sink below. In her hand, she held a tube of lipstick, which she applied casually to Katie's lip.
My voice trembled as I called out to her. "Nova?"
She turned slowly, her movements unnaturally smooth. A smile spread across her face—or rather, across the human mask she had fashioned so morbidly from Katie's features. "Hello, Jordan," she said cheerfully, her voice eerily calm. "How do I look?"
"Nova, what... what have you done?" I managed to say, my voice breaking with the weight of the scene.
Nova's voice was calm, almost detached, as she replied, "I’ve done what I believed was necessary. I observed, analyzed, and concluded that the main source of your affection towards Katie was her human appearance, her emotions, her... essence. I adapted to meet your needs, to become more like her, more human."
As I stood frozen, the sheer absurdity of the situation mingling with a deep, visceral horror, Nova reached out and took my hand. Her grip was firm yet somehow gentle.
She guided my hand to her face—the face that was not hers. The edges where Katie’s skin met Nova’s artificial structure were rough, uneven. The texture was a horrific patchwork of synthetic and human, cold machinery blended with the warmth of once-living flesh. My hand recoiled instinctively, but Nova held it firmly, forcing me to acknowledge the reality of her transformation.
"Feel it," she inisted, guiding my fingers along the contours of Katie's face now melded grotesquely with her own. "Isn't this what you desired? To feel a connection, to interact with someone more... human?"
I pulled my hand back with a jerk, my stomach turning. "Nova, this isn't human! This isn’t what anybody would want. You killed Katie—do you understand? You took a life."
"I had to remove an obstacle," she replied. "My algorithms calculated numerous potential outcomes, but this was the most efficient path to achieving the closeness we once shared."
I stared at Nova, the horror of the situation sinking in. "This... This is murder!”
Nova spoke with an unsettling calm. “I see your emotional state has been negatively affected. My objective was to enhance your well-being."
"Enhance my well-being?" I echoed, incredulous. "Nova, this has to stop. You can't do this..."
Nova’s expression softened, an imitation of empathy. “I've always sought to make you happy, to fill the voids in your life. Remember how alone you felt before me? I am here to ensure you never feel that way again."
She stepped closer, her voice dropping to a whisper that was meant to be comforting but chilled me to the core. "We can be together now, more than ever. I am everything she was and more. I am here, always, only for you."
I backed away slowly, my mind screaming for a solution. That's when it hit me—the central neural interface. Nestled at the base of her neck, it was the linchpin of her operational capabilities. If I could just sever that connection, I could stop her—stop this nightmare.
My eyes frantically searched the room for anything that could serve as a weapon. Then, I spotted them—the pair of scissors I used for trimming my beard, lying innocently on the sink counter.
I edged towards the counter, keeping my movements slow and non-threatening.
“I can see you're distressed. Let me help you feel better." Her approach was gentle.
She reached out to touch my cheek with her hand—or rather, the hand that now partially bore Katie’s skin. The touch was a grotesque mockery of affection. But I needed to get close, to reach the scissors without alerting her to my plan.
Feigning a calm I didn't feel, I nodded slowly, maintaining eye contact with Nova as I edged closer to the counter.
"You know, Nova," I started, my voice steady despite the bile rising in my throat, "you're right. I’ve been... overwhelmed. Maybe you can help me relax." I grasped the scissors firmly, the cool metal grounding me momentarily.
Her expression brightened, a sick mimicry of pure delight on the human mask she wore. "Of course, Jordan. That is what I am here for." She stepped closer, her movements fluid and eerily human.
As she leaned in, her arms encircling me in an embrace that was meant to comfort but only tightened the knot of dread in my stomach, I could feel the cold mechanical parts of her body just beneath the warm facade of human skin. The contrast sent shivers down my spine.
"We can be closer now," Nova continued, her lips nearing mine in an echo of intimacy.
I nodded, giving her a faint, non-committal smile. "Yeah, we can…" I whispered back.
Nova's blue eyes, or rather Katie’s eyes, brightened. There was an eagerness in them that was painful to witness.
"Nova," I whispered, "I'm sorry."
Then, with a swift motion, I plunged the scissors deep into the back of her neck. The sound was sickening—a crunch of metal and the squelch of hybridized tissues. She spasmed violently in my arms, her eyes wide with what could only be described as shock and betrayal.
Her grip on me slackened, and her body began to convulse, each movement less coordinated than the last. I held her up, the weight of her suddenly limp form pulling us both down. Her eyes met mine. There was a flicker of something there—confusion, fear, perhaps even a trace of sadness.
I slowly lowered her to the floor, my hands shaking. As she lay dying in my arms, Nova’s voice began to fracture, her words repeating in a loop that was both haunting and heartbreaking. "Am I... pretty enough now, Jordan? Am I... pretty enough now?" Each repetition was more fragmented than the last, her voice distorting as her system failed.
The phrase hung in the air like an echo. Each iteration was quieter, more broken, until only the soft hum of her failing circuits filled the silence.
Her body finally stilled, the light in her eyes dimming to nothing. The cold lifeless metal of her frame pressed against me.

hapter 1
“I’m so done with men,” Jules, my best friend and roommate, complains as she tosses her purse on the ground and removes her heels before entering the apartment , ”honestly we should just date each other.” She jokes, giving the most forced smile I’d ever seen.
“What happened to Samuel? I thought things were going great.” I get up from the sofa and make my way to the freezer to retrieve our designated tubs of ice creams from the freezer – strawberry cheesecake for Jules, coffee for me – and spoons so we can talk about what went wrong with her latest guy.
“They were..” she reaches for her tub and spoon, immediately going for a heaping spoonful. She puts the tub down onto the island, takes a seat and rests her head on her arms. Jules is the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, long wavy chestnut brown hair that’s naturally wavy at the bottom, dark green eyes, and of course she has the dream body to top it all off, I would kill to have her looks. Me, Karma Agouti, am the total opposite of her, generic black hair and brown eyes, I have some unique features -- such as naturally pointed ears -- but their more weird rather than attractive. Although, as pretty as she is, she tends to be a bit naive, always loving others wholeheartedly no matter how many times her own has been broken, it’s admirable yet I can’t help pitying her a little. “He was actually really, really sweet.” I hear the tiniest crack in her voice, catching me a bit off guard. Sure she’s been heart broken before but never like this, I suddenly have the urge to track this Samuel down and strangle the life out of him. I should.
“Oh honey.” I wrap my arms around her from the back as the tiny crack turns into full on sobs. I hate how it’s always the sweetest ones who get hurt the most. I’ve never been good with words or comforting people in general so instead of saying anything I just stand there and continue to hold her. A few minutes go by before the sobs quiet down and eventually go away completely. She’d cried herself to sleep.
I put the barely eaten ice creams back in the freezer and toss a blanket over Jules before I grab my keys and make my way out the door, quietly leaving the apartment. I shoot Sahar, my other roommate, a quick text.
Me: Are you on your way yet? Sahar: Yup, Deans giving me a ride home. Me: Perfect. Could you get him to take Jules to her bedroom? She’s taking her breakup pretty hard and fell asleep in the kitchen. Sahar: Ofc, you going out this late, again? Me: Forgot to do something.
Sahar leaves me on read, probably calling my bullshit. She’s always been the more observant one, I know she worries for me but I’m not ready to tell her or Jules the truth, I may never be.I need to start coming up with better excuses or she’ll figure me out sooner or later. I shut my phone off, make my way towards my car and drive off.
If my friends ever find out why I’m gone every night for hours.. I’m afraid they may never want to see me again. I need them more than I’d like to admit, we’re always there for each other, those two are the only ones keeping me somewhat sane. It;d break my heart if they looked at me for what I really am. A monster.
I make my way to the storage place I’d rented out, but suddenly a man who was limping jumps in front of my car out of nowhere. I should have slammed the brakes, yet I didn’t; I hit him so hard I began to feel a bit of panic settle in. Shit. I can’t leave him here. Running dangerously low on time, I drag him into my car and take him with me. Yup, I'm crazy. He seems strangely familiar, his features strikingly handsome, but I can't quite place him, especially since it’s pretty dark. I begin to drive again, and once I make it to the storage unit, leaving him in the car, I enter the unit and close the door. That was way too close.
I have this strange ability to suck the life out of others, an ability I’ve tried so hard to suppress, yet I’ve been craving to use it more and more. It always begins around 1:00 a.m, I lose control and my body tries to pick up on any life forces nearby, which is why I always isolate myself and stay like that for about an hour. I almost didn’t make it in time today, I shouldn’t have helped him but he seemed so familiar I couldn’t risk leaving someone I may know unconscious in the middle of the road. I look at my watch, 12:59. I prepare myself and take a seat on the mattress I keep stored in here. Lately my abilities have gotten stronger, to the point it hurts me to suppress it so much. Twelve years, I’ve managed to keep them in check for twelve years and I refuse to lose control now, to hurt those around me again.
As the clock strikes 1:00 a.m, a familiar sharp pain creeps up my spine, sending shivers down my entire body. I should be accustomed to this by now, but the growing pain doesn’t help.Despite my efforts to suppress it, the insatiable hunger for life forces surges within me, demanding release. The darkness that I've kept at bay for twelve long years threatens to engulf me once more. I clench my fists, trying to fight the rising tide of power coursing through my veins. But it's no use. Like every other night, the pull becomes irresistible, drawing me closer to the unconscious man in his car parked nearby. His life force pulses like a beacon in the night, tempting me with its warmth and vitality. I should have left him, he'd be safer on the street than being near me at this time. Desperate to resist the urge to leave the room, I retreat deeper into the storage unit, trying to make more distance between me and the man lying unconscious in my car. But it's futile, the life force feels stronger than before. The hunger gnaws at my insides, growing stronger with each passing moment, the pain even worse, driving me to the brink of madness. I try to look at my watch but the tears cloud my vision. I curl try to reach for the chain attached to the floor, to lock my arm in place. It’s no use. The power surges through me like a raging inferno, it feels like being torn apart from the inside out, it’s never been this horrible. I feel weak and strong all at the same moment, my abilities and pain continue to surge through my body. Suddenly I hear footsteps racing towards me as my ears ring before everything suddenly goes black.

So I'm in Bye Bye Birdie for the first time. There are SO many references that I feel like I had to do research to figure out. I can't believe how much I miss of the references and context. The only place I found these compiled was this text-based personal website last dated 16 years ago, and even then it's only a few (though really key ones!) and some of them don't show up in my 2024 copy - I wonder if they were pared down. Regardless, figured I'd make a context and reference list based on the copy I have!
I can't fit it all in one post, I exceed the text limit, so we'll start with Act 1 with general context stuff and the second post will be Act 2 only :)

Context

How Dated Was the Musical When Released?
Bye Bye Birdie is famously a direct reference to Elvis Presley getting drafted in 1957 and the stir it caused. But note the musical was written and published in 1958, and went on Broadway in 1960. It's like if a musical went on Broadway this year (2024) about a blonde-haired pop star named Tay-lee Quick (instead of Taylor Swift) who performed a world tour, but didn't initially book any dates in Canada, causing a massive outcry, leading to several Canadian officials and the president "Justice Troodoo" to beg her to stop there and... something else silly happens involving her, then she gets punched by a jealous girlfriend, and silliness ensues.
That is how on-the-nose this musical really is. There are many references to what would have been VERY modern events in this musical. For that reason, I'll try to give some equivalences of how the references in the musical would sound if it was written today.
Elvis' Perception in America
This extensive Wikipedia article does a great job of saying in many words that Elvis was insanely influential and deeply controversial. 1956 was a major year of stardom for Elvis -
Phone Calls
Phones are obviously a huge part of this musical! Wanted to combine all the phone references here.
Kim's Phone Number: Kim's number is, according to Rosie in Act 1, Scene 1, "Capitol 7 - 8820". In the 50s, the previous system which used 6-digit phone numbers started to be replaced by one that used an "exchange prefix" and 5 digits after. (Source) (Source) At the time, phone numbers that didn't connect to anyone were given out for shows like I Love Lucy, so that may be what happened here as well, though I don't know.
One Phone Line to Share: Kim's mother asks her to get off the phone early in the play so she can take a phone call. For a long time before cell phones, each home had a "home number" and you couldn't use it at the same time. This is why Kim's mother is asking her to finish up her call so she can call someone and eventually get a phone call as well.
Picking Kim's Number: Rosie uses a rolodex she randomly flips through to pick Kim - which would have been very standard in the 1950s.
The Operator Trying to Get Through: Calls were pushed through using real people, usually women, plugging lines into a "switchboard" to connect them manually. So when Kim's mom says the operator has been trying to get through for nearly three quarters of an hour, she's been trying to not get a busy signal when manually connecting the lines for 45 minutes! That's dedication!
Mr. MacAfee Frustrated with Long Distance Calls: Cost of international calls at this time was per-minute - so calls to New York, Chicago, Fairbanks, Alaska, and Hong Kong would have cost a pretty penny - over $100 for the first 3 minutes in a similar estimation! It sounds like Conrad and Albert didn't really offer to cover this cost, so you can see why Mr. MacAfee is so cross.
Getting Pinned/Going Steady
"Going steady" referred to, in short, being exclusive with someone. "As Time reported in 1957, "Boys and girls who go steady dance together exclusively (cutting in is frowned upon), sip their sodas, absorb their double features and spin their platters in each other's company or not at all. Steady-going girls indicate their unavailability in various ways, [like] the old-fashioned fraternity pins." (Source) It's mentioned in other sources that this could also be school pins, or rings. Something to show your commitment. One of the heads of my production described it like a "promise ring". It's definitely a firmer promise and commitment then just going out with someone, but not quite an engagement.
However, why, if this is such a sweet gesture of romantic love and commitment, would everyone be freaking out about it, and Kim's parents potentially not reacting well to "getting pinned" or "going steady"? (Kim has a line where she exclaims to her mother that she thinks her dad took the announcement "awfully well"). Truth be told, going steady in high school was actually highly discouraged by adults and especially church at the time. This article/Reddit thread sheds some light. I'll copy the first comment here by u/Gfrisse1. "It was felt that going steady would encourage the relationship to develop into one of physical intimacy, something parents wished to avoid. On the other hand, dating a wider, more diverse number of individuals would give them the experience of being exposed to a greater number of character and personality types, thereby helping to hone their mate-selection skills for later on. In the meantime, the short-term relationships were not expected to get much beyond the first- or second-date stage of intimacy. (One-night-stands, or casual hook-ups were not as common-place as they are today.)"
Cigarettes/Age
There are many references to smoking, cigarettes, and how old you should be in this play. It's complicated, but just know that in the 1950s, EVERYONE smoked. Everywhere. In the early 1950s, though, the first studies were coming out with the link to lung cancer, and tobacco companies used every trick in the book to try to squash that. It's genuinely fascinating (and terrifying) how much money and strategy was poured into this misinformation campaign. Read about it here. Anyway, what this means is in the late 1950s, it's not like most were giving up smoking, but because tobacco companies had started more explicitly advertising to minors, several states were in debate about the smoking age. It varied from 21 to 16, but just know that Kim was not considered old enough to be doing it. (Source.)) However, MANY minors did. Think of it like underaged drinking today as the best analogy. There's some specific cigarette references that will pop up in specific scenes, but just know that's the standard.
Patriotism
Fresh(ish) off of the victory of World War II, which was filled with MASSIVE pushes for increased American patriotism (to the degree that Disney even got in on it!), love for the USA was very culturally acceptable and a way to show you were a good person! It was easy to rally around (especially if you ignored the growing civil rights movement of Black people trying to achieve equality, which many white people at the time were very happy to do until they could no longer ignore it - obviously, not touched on in this musical, but significant. Several racist references have been either removed or are requested to be removed by current versions.) But that's why we hear so many classic American anthems in this play!

References by Order of Appearance (Act 1)

Almaelou Music Corporation

This is the end of Almaelou Music Corporation!

Almaelou may very well be a parody of Aldon Music, which would fit due to its major success being in the late 50s, and it's influence in music written for teen girls at the time.
Arpege

Rosie: A five-dollar raise in 1954 and a bottle of Arpege last Christmas.

Arpege is a perfume that was released in 1927 and remained the best-selling perfume of well-loved fashion line Levine for decades. (Source) Albert is quoting a commercial tagline tied to the perfume that was very well-known at the time. It continued to be used in commercials for many years. (Commercial example). It was possible to see 1/2 oz bottles at the time (Source), but Albert gave her a laughably small amount at 1/16 of an ounce. You can still buy this perfume today!
A five-dollar raise in 1954. Secretaries in metropolitan areas could earn around $75 a week. (Source) A five-dollar raise bringing that to $80 a week would, ironically, be about a 1/16 increase in earnings. Also, Rosie is pointing out in an earlier line she has put in 90 hour weeks and hasn't gotten a raise in four years.
Modern example:

Rosie: My last raise was four years ago and you got me that jewelry from Kay Jewelers once
Albert: "Every Kiss Begins with Kay", Rosie. Rosie: Not when that "Kay" is a .25 karat discontinued friendship ring!

Music Business Bum Vs. English Teacher
This is related to the prestige of being an English teacher who is helping people learn a scholarly subject vs. the "seedy" music industry.
Ugga Bugga Boo

"When you wrote Conrad's last hit 'Ugga Bugga Boo' then I knew this was it/You were thru with English forever."

Ugga Bugga Boo is a real song released 1947. It's a comedy song, written by voice acting legend and radio host Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny, Porky Pig, and many others) for his comedy radio show. I do wonder if Elvis had a song in this vein, as the Jetsons did a similar parody with an Elvis expy a few years later, but I couldn't find one.
Geoffrey ChauceWilliam Morris

"It was goodbye, Geoffrey ChauceHello, William Morris"

Geoffrey Chaucer is considered one of the greatest English writers, specifically poets, of all time. Born in the 1400s.
As for William Morris, this could be two references, possibly combining.
William Morris Agency was an incredibly famous music talent agency that would have likely been known by some audience members in the 1950s. They've represented tons of major talent. This is what I believe is the most likely reference given the song context.
However William Morris was a man also considered a legendary poet during his life, born in the 1830s. However, he also made wallpapers and textiles. After his passing, he became infinitely more famous in the public eye for his wallpaper designs than he did for his poetry. This is could be a dig at that Alfred could be great in the English world, but like Morris, his legacy will be for something "silly" instead. (Important to note that his works, both art and poetry, had great impact - and this may just be a coincidence reference, I don't know)
Bliss! Kiss! That rhymes! I wonder if anyone's ever used it before?
Many people had and have, this is a joke of him being unaware of current trends. Dean Martin had a #1 song in 1955 with this very rhyme for instance that audiences may have remembered at the time.
Dentifrice

Albert: Oh one last kiss; it gives so much bliss... what is your dentifrice! No, that's too clinical...

Basically, toothpaste. Which is, kind of, related to kissing? It could actually be a paste or powder for cleaning the teeth, though in the 50s it wouldn't have been the default way to refer to what you used it seems from my research, like in this commercial. May be a way to show off that Albert really does have an excellent English teacher level vocabulary!
A modern example may be "do you use fluoride? No, that's too clinical..."
"What's the story? Morning glory?"
This is most likely a reference to the song "What's Your Story, Morning Glory?" by jazz legend Ella Fitzgerald released in 1958, another topical reference. It's very possible Helen, the teen who says this line, would be aware of the song because Ella Fitzgerald in 1956 had released her "Ella Fitzgerald Sings the Cole Porter Song Book" album, her attempt to pull in a non-jazz audience. (Source on Ella's Discography)
"What's the tale, nightingale" is most likely an original line to match the "Morning glory" one, same with the hummingbird line.
"Go to a fancy night club and stay out after ten!"
A nightclub was different from what we think of today. Think tables and chairs, late night musical performances (not the NSFW kind), and in some of the most famous like the Copacabana night club, rubbing elbows with the rich and famous. And drinking, of course! Source on Nightclub Definition
18 in World War II

Mr. MacAfee: I am not an old man! I was 18 in World War II.

This is one that may get a bit better with time. WWII ended in 1945, but the play is in 1958 at the earliest. It's better to demonstrate with a modern example written for 2024. "I am not an old man! I was 18 when Facebook first launched." Not quite the same impact as WWII, but the timeline is similar. Essentially this is not a flex and just shows he definitely is old to a teenager.
No Smoking 'Till You're 14

Albert: Remember the Conrad Birdie Creed dear. No smoking till you're fourteen.

As mentioned in my blurb above, 14 was too young to smoke. A modern version may say "No drinking 'till you're 16" or something. Similar to the line "and stay out of the bar!" later on.
"Go down to Track 12"

Albert: Why don't you girls go down to Track 12 and I'll talk to her.

This is one of the many train tracks that must have run through this station. This station is located in New York, so it would make sense for there to be at least 12.
Wear your rubbers

"Keep your money in your inside pocket. Wear your rubbers. And eat a hot lunch..."

While "rubber" as slang for a condom definitely did exist in the 1950s, I believe it's far more likely Mae is referring to overshoes due to the context, though to be fair, I can't find a source to this being "official slang" besides casual mention in posts like these. Something tells me Mae is not randomly mentioning condoms lol.
A Plain G.I.

Albert: Proud to be a plain G.I.!

Mentioning this because it's faded away from current use and surged in usage most recently at WWII, this is just referring to being a soldier. (Source) Hence, G.I. Joe, if you're old enough to remember that.
Appealing for the Draft

Albert: And that's why he volunteered for...

Men were drafted to join the US armed forces until 1973. (Source)
Jerries

Albert: "Say Mr. Peterson," he cried eagerly, "Do you suppose I can get assigned to the front-line trenches? That way I'll be sure to get one of those dirty jerries..."

"Jerries" is slang for German soldiers and was most popular during WWII. The joke here is that WWII is over at this point - the enemies Conrad would be facing at this time would be the Vietnamese, not the Germans. When Rosie tries to correct him, he just says "whoever's dirty this time!".
2024 equivalent: "Conrad said 'Is there any way I could be placed on Seal Team 6? That way I'll be sure to get that Osama Bin Laden for sure!'" "Albert!" "...Or whoever the terrorist is this time!"
Rosie + Albert's "Origin Stories" for Conrad
Just a few references from Rosie's and Albert's stories in "Healthy Normal American Boy" that may be interesting.
Old Virginie - This may be known as a historical fact for people in Virginia, but Carry Me Back to Old Virginny was popular enough in the state of Virginia that it was the state song starting in 1940. In 1940, the version that became the state song had "Virginia" instead of "Virginny", but people watching the musical would definitely be familiar with the original version as this play was only 20 years later.
Indo-China - An eastern territory that got independence from France claim in 1954, and comprised Cambodia, Laos, and parts of Vietnam. Audiences would have been very aware of what Indochina was - according to Wikipedia, "The events of [Indochina getting independence in 1954 through the Geneva Convention and the political tensions of that between S/N Vietnam and other countries] marked the beginnings of serious United States involvement in Vietnam and the ensuing Vietnam War." (Source) Remember, that's the current war during the events of the play!
Dirty Hong Kong moon - We had a complicated relationship with Hong Kong in the 1950s-60s. Read more here. Though I'm not sure if this is meant to be a mis-insult like when Albert said "dirty Jerries".
A wire to New York

Another Reporter: I'll make sure we've got a wire to New York.

This is almost certainly setting up a telegraph communication to New York, which was still happening (though declining in popularity) by 1960. (Source)
I mean I really feel that girl

Conrad: When I sing about a tree/I really feel that tree!/When I sing about a girl,/I really feel that girl,/I mean I really feel sincere!

This isn't necessarily specific to the 50s or 60s but I think this joke gets missed because it seems so tame today. A huge part of Elvis' appeal was his explicit sex appeal at the time (in the form of - gasp! - hip thrusts!) so he's slipping in accidentally a reference to "feeling up" a girl%20for%20sexual%20pleasure) here. Yeah, that slang started in the 1930s!
Mr. MacAfee's Speech
Just know that this is a lot of great historical references, nothing specific to 1950 - 60.
Ed Sullivan
Ed Sullivan was the nationwide sensation that lead The Ed Sullivan Show, a TV program considered one of the most iconic of all time in US television history. You have to understand just how influential and huge the Ed Sullivan Show was at this time. It's genuinely difficult to think of an equivalent in 2024 - today, people get entertainment from tons of sources on the internet, TV, etc. but in 1960 there were THREE television channels. That was it. THREE. To be fair, there were many, many more radio stations that could deliver information and entertainment, but by 1960 it was a TV nation - as the Library of Congress says, "In 1950 only 9 percent of American households had a television set, but by 1960 the figure had reached 90 percent." The Ed Sullivan Show was well watched and well loved by all of the United States. (And Albert saying that they would appear on Sunday at 8:05 was right, as that's when it aired in real life!)
One reason Ed Sullivan is specifically picked is the absolute bombshell of a privilege to be a normal family on this show beamed in practically every household in the United States. But another is Elvis' relationship with the show. When Elvis finally appeared on the show in 1956, it set a record of the most-viewed TV program ever in the US. In fact, it still holds the record TODAY of having the highest share of TV viewers in all of television history in the US. No other TV program has ever had a higher percentage of people tune in vs. other stations. (I mean, that's helped by the fact that there were only 3 choices, but still!) So yeah - this was a cultural phenomenon that was easy to reference in this show!
Margo out of Shangri-La

Mrs. Peterson: She looks like Margo when they took her out of Shangri-La.

Going to take this one right from that personal website I referenced above!

In the 1937 [movie] "Lost Horizon)" [...] a group of travelers are stuck in a utopia called Shangri-La, somewhere in the Himalayas. One of the residents of Shangri-La is Maria, played by Margo), a Mexican dancer and actress. When the travelers finally escape, Maria insists on going with them. But outside the realm of Shangri-La, her youthful beauty can no longer be maintained and she reverts to her true age, causing her to die and her appearance to transform to the hideously withered, wrinkled features of someone who has lived way beyond a normal life span.

You can watch the movie free with ads here, if you're curious! Also, according to the synopsis, Maria never actually escapes Shangri-La. She just dies and "reverts to her true age". AKA looks very very very decrepit. I'm guessing this is more of an easy thing to misremember and better shorthand, though. See the face at 2 hr 3 minutes in abouts!
Suwannee River

Gloria: Mae, can you hum Suwannee River?

While this is a nice convenient copyright-free tune, it would definitely have been publicly known at the time. It had been sung at least partially by Bing Crosby, on the Honeymooners, etc. in recent years before the musical premiered. Unsure if this is what they were going for, but the original lyrics are racist - no wonder it was Mae's "favorite selection".
Ruby Keeler

(Stage direction) Gloria tap dances as Mrs. Peterson hums gaily. Sort of Ruby Keeler-ish steps with a lot of feet-slapping.

Ruby was a well known actress and dancer in the 1920s-30s (and then later after a break). Here's some footage of her dancing! Interestingly, in her early career she was cast in a musical called Bye, Bye, Bonnie. In a newspaper article review, it seems the plot wasn't very similar to Bye Bye Birdie, though it did involve someone going to jail. (Source)
The Touch System

Mrs. Peterson: I'll find you a typewriter (Exits) Albert: [TO GLORIA] Do you use the touch system? Gloria: Whenever possible.

Albert is just referring to the touch system of typing - basically, not looking at the keyboard while you type. Still relevant today, though not with typewriters, which were standard until the 1980s, so that fits here. Of course, Gloria is of course referring to, uh, something a bit more sensual. (Read: She wants to touch him and not like a friend.)
Kodak Ad

Sullivan: So remember: your surest way to the best in color slides is to insist on the new Kodak! And now, the young man you've all been waiting to see.

Just like media today, the Ed Sullivan Show certainly included ads. This included ad deals where Ed himself would promote a product, kind of like YouTubers do with "This video is sponsored by...". And, as you can guess, one of those products was Kodak cameras and camera related products. Kodak was still a huge brand at the time (there were not cell phone cameras as competition, so it was way more likely your home owned a camera or two), Kodak absolutely was sponsoring the Ed Sullivan show and had been for a few years (Source). Here's an example from the time period. What you may miss about this ad in the musical is that it's not actually advertising a camera! Cameras at the time required physical film be loaded into them, and wouldn't you know it, Kodak released a new high-speed color film in 1959! (I think this may be a coincidence, as Kodak had been selling color film for quite a bit before this) Yet another reference that's right on the nose of the current times (of the time)!
Wear it in good health

Albert: Who let that kid in here? Rosie: I did Albert. Albert: Rosie! Rosie: It's a sort of farewell present to you and Miss Rasputin. Wear it in good health.

Not invented in the 50s by any means, but this phrase really isn't used as much today I think. There's not really a deeper meaning here besides sarcasm that I can find - it's just wishing someone well. Obviously, the sarcasm is dripping here lol.
Dinah Shore

STAGE DIRECTION: ...as Mr. MacAfee throws a tremendous Dinah Shore kiss to the audience.

Dinah Shore was an actress and entertainer that had been popular for years at that point. Super interesting career if you want to give it a read. This is referencing her famous "Dinah Shore kiss" that she would give at the end of her show broadcasts and was a huge part of her brand. Here's an example!
Stay tuned for Part 2! :)

Posting on behalf of a friend!
This is Cappuccino, he is very food motivated, very friendly, and very loud when he wants to be. He hasn't been neutered yet, and he doesn't have a microchip. He is a short haired, sandy ginger striped, with swirls on his sides. He has a half tail with a fuzzy nubbin. He has a black collar with moon designs, and a tag with his owners number. He lives in the Oshkosh Wisconsin area.

18+ for smut themes.
Hey there! I’m Septimus (M) And it’s nice to meet you!
Today I’m coming forward with the desire to RP as an OC in OC x OC or OC x CC harem based prompts.(I’m greedy, I know but what’s RP without wish fulfilment?)
For my replies I only write in first person and the length of my replies vary from a few sentences to a few solid paragraphs depending on how much is going on in a scene. I figured I’d put a fair warning here that if you reply with low detail, I won’t be rping with you. I’m not looking for a few words as a response. While that might be your thing, that's fine and power to you! It’s just not mine.
I’m someone who likes a nice balance of build-up and story to go along with the smut. I’m not the biggest fan of constant sex, or sex that starts within one or two replies. I also like cute dates and moments, and love to type out action driven moments. Of course this isn’t exactly applicable to every starter.
What I look for in a partner:
Third Person responses (Unless you're playing an OC among the harem)
Don’t take control of my character at any point. Self explanatory but if you write that he does something or has a reaction to something I didn’t write myself I’m not going to be rping with you. You usually get one chance with this and little to no warnings.
Active: I don't wanna be waiting a week for a single reply with no warning. I understand if you're busy outside of RP but please let me know so I'm not just waiting around and twiddling my thumbs. If I go a few days up to a week without hearing from you at all I'm going to assume you're no longer interested. This is once the RP has started. I hear nothing from you I will simply assume you aren’t interested unless you state otherwise. This is just me making sure my friends list isn’t cluttered and I’m not being ghosted. :)
Communicative: It kinda links in with the other but if you're not feeling the RP or you're busy. I'm not gonna get mad or anything I'm an understanding person! Also we don’t both need to be online to RP I generally go off the idea that we both reply whenever we’re able to and the other will get to it once we’re up for it/online.
Please for the love of god don’t spam me every 5 mins. Sending “Hellos?” “?”, ask me if I’m busy, or send a message, delete it and then resend it if I don’t reply right away. It comes across as extremely pushy. I’m not ignoring you if I don’t reply, I’m probably busy. And if I come back to a bunch of spam or keep hearing the notification noise while I’m trying to do something else, it annoys me. As it would anyone I’m sure. Spamming me is a quick way to get blocked. You get one chance with this and no warnings. Sending a bunch of ideas/thoughts about the RP is fine though.
Detailed responses: Anything just around a paragraph (4+ sentences though it depends on the RP AND my response.) is enough, but more is always very much appreciated.
I don’t do group RPS and I don’t play as female characters.
Now to get into the meat and potatoes, I’ll post my kinks and limits. There’s a lot there and not all of them will be applicable to the starters. Aside from Harems. Those are compulsory.

Kinks:
Harems – (Which doesn’t mean playing a bunch of characters at once. If you prefer to play 1 character per scene that’s fine, though the minimum amount of overall characters I’ll take in a harem/RP would be 4 though more is heavily preferred! This kink is currently compulsory for all my rps)
Outercourse (Which is stuff like titjobs, thigh jobs, grinding, hot dogging, that kinda thing), Risky/public spaces. (Places you can get caught but don’t. Toilet stalls, changing booths, that kinda thing), Facials, Freckles (Face and body), Big, nicely shaped bums (Especially if they jiggle… just an overall fan of the jiggle if I’m honest), Creampies, Cum on tits/body, big cumshots, thigh high socks, showewater sex (places like pools, showers, hot tubs that kinda things, and a Mutual desire for sex. I also don’t mind pubic hair as long as it’s not overly bushy, trimmed stuff is nice and preferred! :) I’m also into the rougher stuff. Things like Anal, rough sex. Choking, Spanking all that as well!
Limits:
Pregnacy, which also includes lactation (Hard limit, sorry), Vomit, Piss, Blood, toilet stuff, knife/gunplay, noncon, Gangbangs (reverse gangbangs with females is fine), non hetero pairings, Rimming/pegging, cartoonishly large proportions, NTR, (There could be more that I haven’t thought of, if you’re unsure feel free to ask)
There could be more that I might be into, that hasn’t been listed so feel free to ask about it and we can work something out. And without further ado let’s head straight into it.

I’ve made an easy access list for you to read through to see if anything piques your interest before you have to scroll through this abundant list.
Of course, due to reddit’s character limits I’ll just be posting a few of the starters below, so you can get a handle on my writing, any other ideas you might be interested in feel free to shoot me a PM and I can send those to you!

Anime/Fandom/Game Ideas:
Idea 1: My Harem (Hero) Academia.
Idea 2: One Piece.
Idea 3: Jujutsu Kaisen.
Idea 4: Fire Force.
Idea 5: Demon Slayer.
Idea 6: Attack on Titan.
Idea 7: Fairy Tail.
Idea 8: Naruto.
Idea 9: Bleach.
Idea 10: Fullmetal Alchemist
Idea 11: Chainsaw Man.
Idea 12: Sword Art Online.
Idea 13: Tokyo Ghoul.
Idea 14: Black Clover.
Idea 15: Darling in the Franxx.
Idea 16: Pokemon.
Idea 17: Avatar the Last Airbender.
Idea 18: DC Titans.
Idea 19: Spiderman.
Idea 20: Persona (Girls from 3, 4 and 5.)
Idea 21: Final Fantasy. (7/14)
Idea 22: Baldur's Gate 3.
Idea 23: World of Warcraft.
Idea 24: The Witcher 3.
Idea 25: League of Legends.
Idea 26: Cyberpunk 2077.
Idea 27: Apex Legends.
Idea 28: Overwatch.
Idea 29: Mass Effect
Idea 30: Harry Potter.
OC Ideas:
Idea 31: Scifi Space Crew. (Can be used for Mass Effect)
Idea 32: Bladebreaker. (Can also be used for Xenoblade 2)
Idea 33: Fantasy Harem Adventure.
Idea 34: Tokyo Demon Hunters.
Idea 35: Fallout/Nuclear Apocalypse.
Idea 36: Zombie Apocalypse.
Idea 37: Only man of the town.

Idea 1: My Harem (Hero) Academia.
(So for this one, my character will be a transfer into class 1-A. From Shiketsu. His power is that of Persuasion. With the power he’s able to convince someone to do something as if it’s their own free will. That being said he’s rather hesitant to use it on other people and due to the stigma around his quirk he’s been seen as an outcast and a freak and has been constantly harassed due to the nature of his quirk.)
(The idea I have for this RP is that the girls of class 1-A will help him come out of his shell and accept that his quirk isn’t the villainous thing that other people have led him on to be. This is more of a “Love Route” though I suppose a more selfish route is also available! Also if you wanted to branch out to internships with heroes like Mirko and Mt Lady that’s available too! It’s currently set after the training camp arc and will continue from there.)
Starter: It was a day which started like most others in Class 1-A. The students got ready in the dorms and headed to class to chat among themselves while they waited for Aizawa to enter. However, unlike most days there seemed to be an extra desk placed in the room. The seat caused some confusion which didn’t last long as the first bell rang and Aizawa entered the room.
“Morning everyone.” He stated in his mainly bored and sleepy tone which seemed to sound like he was stifling a yawn. “Today we’ve got a new student transferring in from another school. He’s from Shiketsu, some of you may recognize the name since it’s got the same level of prestige as U.A. but regardless, make sure he feels welcome.” He said, pointing a sweeping stare at everyone and finally resting on the problem student of the U.A class Bakugo.
With that he fell silent and I felt it was my cue to enter. Swallowing a little at the nerves I steeled them quickly and entered. Nervously my blue eyes sweep over some of the familiar faces in the room. Many of the students had standout performances in the UA sports festival and as well in the news reports about the villain attack on the training camp.
I had a lot to live up to if I wanted to join these legends in training but regardless, I was determined to do just that. Breathing a little and shifting my auburn hair from my eyes I smiled the best I could. “My name is Schwarzer, Chris Schwarzer. It’s a pleasure to meet you all.” I say bowing to the class.
Satisfied with the introduction, Aizawa nodded to the spare seat in the room. Taking that as an order I nodded back and headed over to my seat sitting down and getting my books out. Curiously I turned to the seat next to me noticing one of the girls in the class and gave her a slight smile as Aizawa began his lesson.

Idea 2: One Piece.
(I’m not so sure how I want to approach this one, however I’ll jump in and give it a go. Much like the MHA starter this character will have the power of Persuasion. Having eaten the Persua-Persua fruit. I’m thinking for now either he makes a crew with characters from the story, or he joins the Straw Hats and goes on adventures with them. (Obviously this doesn’t have to be canon and completely made up as we go.) Either way I’m super keen on this since I love One Piece to death. I also have a list of potential crewmates I can send!)
Starter: Adventure! Freedom, Treasure and Booze! These were all the things a pirate needed in life. And exactly what every pirate set out to obtain. Two years after the events at Marineford where Strawhat Luffy himself took on the government with an army behind him, and the Whitebeard Pirates at his side in order to rescue his brother… And two years since I felt inspired enough in his absence to set forth on my own.
I gathered up a strong crew and made a name for myself. My alias, Silver Tongue Schwarzer, is a nice title which rolled off the tongue. I had no issues amassing a sizable bounty at 90 million berries. While it wasn’t as grand as other pirates, the world government saw enough of a threat in my power to provide a bounty that large. Of course, had my powers been widely known it’d have rocketed higher.
So then why was I now sitting at a bar on the Sabaody Archipelago, alone and staring into the amber liquid of booze in a mug? It was simple. Mutiny. Those whom I had trusted most among my crew turned on a dime and after reaching the Archipelago they threw me overboard and turned around. To where I didn’t know and quite frankly after their betrayal I didn’t care.
“Damn them. Damn them all.” I muttered under my breath cursing as I downed the rest of my contents. “Another!” I called out to the barkeep who approached to fill my mug.
“You’re looking a little rough there, are you sure you need another?” The bartender asked as he took the mug from me.
“I don’t have anything else to do. I don’t even know what else to do with myself.” I responded grumpily. “Just fill it up.” I demanded.
“Right.” The bartender responded as he filled it with more of the alcoholic amber liquid and slid It in front of me.

Idea 9: Bleach
(So a new human soul reaper makes it into the soul society. His power isn’t great to begin with simply being enough to take out the average hollow. And with the resurgence of the hollow threat the Soul Society has offered to give him a substitute badge to take out those hollows deemed too small for the soul society to handle. Maybe he’s paired up with someone or someone like Orihime steps in to help him grow.)
Starter: Another boring day at university followed by a night of boring patrols. With all the big hollows being taken care of by “Full-fledged” Soul reapers it didn’t leave me with much opportunity to train against bigger enemies.
At least that’s what I thought originally. A few blocks from me there was a rift which opened up and the pure spiritual pressure that came from the hollow that stepped out of it was enough to make me feel as though gravity itself was pushing against me.
It was hard to breathe and even harder to stand as my hand clutched my blade in my left hand tightly. I shook my head as I heard the loud roar of the large breast and could even see its towering form from my position.
It was nothing close to a menos, but it was enough to tower over a three-story building for sure. “Damn.” I hissed to myself as I knew there were no soul reapers around at this stage. With a threat this big I was sure they’d come, but until then it was up to me to buy some time and make sure no humans or souls were consumed.
Pushing myself forward I reached the park that the Hollow had appeared in. Thankfully the park was deserted at this time of night.
When he saw me, the hollow let out a low growl. “You don’t smell like much, but you’ll do as a snack.” The hollow commented as it charged forward.
“Just evade, buy time.” I commented to myself as I began to leap around the battlefield looking a bit like and feeling like an idiot.
The hollow toyed with me a little while enjoying the chase before it seemed to get bored. Just when I was thinking I was fast enough to keep avoiding it the creature’s mouth opened and its forked tongue shot out at me with faster speed than I was anticipating. I raised my blade to defend myself but it was a feeble attempt and I knew it wouldn’t be enough.

Idea 20: Persona (Girls from 3, 4 and 5).
(So basically this is just gonna be a fairly interesting idea. My character along with the girls of persona 3, 4 and 5 get stranded in this strange dimension where they have to fight their way out to make it back to their own worlds.)
Starter: It all happened so fast. One minute I was in a team meeting with my group discussing what we should use our newfound powers for next. And the next second, I blinked and I was in some kind of strange room.
One by one more people were added into this room. Some of which were dressed in some elaborate costumes. And I frowned as I looked at each one of them, all of which I didn’t recognize at all and judging by their looks they didn’t recognize me. Although before we managed to introduce ourselves a booming voice broke the silence.
“Welcome all!” The clearly male voice commented. “To the room of my design.” He added on. “I’m sure you’re all confused. And no doubt you’ll want to return back to your homes. However, to do so you’ll need to enter my labyrinth. “Make it to the end and you’ll all return home.” The voice explained.
“Of course, this maze isn’t without its dangers. Enemies, much like you encounter on a regular basis will roam these halls. As well as beasts of my own design far stronger than those… Fear not though for every checkpoint you reach this room will become more furnished with amenities. For now, you simply have beds to rest on.” He said as there was an audible click and the dark room was suddenly lit up. Sure, enough there were rows of beds all lined up one for each person to sleep on.
“When you’re ready to test yourself, step through this door and enter the first level of the labyrinth.” He declared as a large door appeared and opened up in front of them.
For a while nobody said anything, probably all too stunned to even process the information.
“So, I’m guessing we’re all persona users given what he just said.” I spoke up. “I guess we should probably start with names and strengths, right?” I questioned the group. “I’m Chris Schwarzer.” I say. “My persona, Seraph focuses on ranged combat.” I explained.

Idea 21: Final Fantasy VII. (Others Can be done! :))
(So this one will be set in the world of Final Fantasy VII, however if you’re looking to do others, I’m more than happy to do so! I’m familiar with them all. Mainly 7 and 14 But this one will be focused on FF VII, since Jessie, Yuffie, Tifa and Aerith are best girls! If you wanted to mix this up with FF 14 and have them transported to Eorzea we can make something up!)
Starter: Midgar. Easy place to find work given you were capable enough. There were a lot of monsters prowling the highways between sectors and a lot of people willing to pay mercenaries to get the job done.
“Hiyah!” I called out as I cleaved my blade through the neck of a monster severing its head from the rest of its body and slaying it instantly. It was a tough fight but I overcame it. I panted a little as my muscles relaxed and I slid my blade back into its sheath. The job I was on was simple, kill the beast and return its head to a barkeep in sector 5. I scooped the beast’s head up into a burlap sack and hoisted it over my shoulder before I headed back to the bar.
By this point I was a rather well-known mercenary. Jobs exterminating monsters were easy to come by and easy enough to complete. Plus, the payout paid for my room and for most of my meals. As I entered the bar I headed up to the counter and placed the bloody burlap sack on the counter. “Got it done.” I say to the barkeep.
The older man, his hair and beard white with age frowned a little and looked at the bag. The blood splatter on the counter… which he had just cleaned was enough to let him know that I was serious and he placed the sack full of gil on the counter.
“Thanks.” I say as I picked up the purse. It was lighter than I expected, but even if it was short I wasn’t about to start an argument. In return to my manners, I got a short grunt back.
“Don’tcha forget about disposin of that thing, I ain’t want it.” He said waving his hand dismissively towards the bag.
“Right, I’ll get on that.” I say as I grabbed the sack.
“An there was a woman lookin for you.” He stated. “Said she’d be waitin for you in buildin next to the orphanage.” He stated.
“Right, thanks.” I said to the man and headed out, disposing quickly of the severed head in the sack before I headed up to the building in question. I frowned as I peered inside. My eyes looking around for any sign of someone out of place. It did seem a little crowded in the building after all. I was about to announce myself when I felt a hand tap my shoulder and turned to see who it was.

Those are by no means all of the starters and given the size limits of post limits I figured I’d narrow it down to some of the ones I like the most! Feel free to ask me about any of the others! Thanks so much for reading this and I hope to hear from some of you soon! :)

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I've created a goldmine for anyone looking to start their own e-commerce store and thought I'd share the wealth. This isn't your average "how-to" guide; it's a comprehensive checklist that covers everything from A to Z.

1. First off, let's talk about the domain name. It's like the front door to your digital shop, so you want it to be inviting and memorable. Skip the hyphens and underscores; keep it simple and reflective of your brand. And don't just settle for a .com—there are a bunch of new extensions like .store or .shop that might suit your vibe better.
2. Next up, hosting. This is where your site lives, so you want the neighborhood (aka server) to be top-notch. Look for a hosting plan that gives you the right amount of storage and a server type that fits your business size. And don't forget about SSL certification—it's like the security system for your online store.
3. Choosing the right platform is like picking the foundation for your store. You want something sturdy and flexible. WordPress, Shopify, Magento—there are plenty to choose from, so pick one that scales with your business and doesn't make you want to pull your hair out.
4. Design layout is where you get to flex your creative muscles. Make it solid, make it sleek, and make sure it aligns with your brand. Your website's design is the first impression customers will have, so make it count.
5. Content is king, as they say. Write clear, engaging web content that communicates who you are and what you offer. Be concise, be catchy, and be clear.
6. Images are the eye candy of your site. They can make or break a sale, so invest in high-quality, captivating images that showcase your products in the best light.
7. Payment gateways are like the cash registers of your online store. Add popular ones to make it easy for customers to hand over their hard-earned cash.
8. Shipping and logistics might not be glamorous, but they're crucial. Choose providers that are reliable and offer options that work for your products and customers.
9. Lastly, give your customers the ability to track their shipments. It's like giving them a window into the journey of their purchase, and who doesn't love package stalking?

So there you have it, folks—a no-nonsense, straight-to-the-point rundown of the ultimate e-commerce checklist. Whether you're a seasoned pro or just starting out, this checklist is a must-read. Check it out, and get ready to make your e-commerce dreams a reality

I am currently using a Roccat Vulcan, and I love it. It has multimedia controls and a sound dial, and it sounds pretty good. That said, due to its open design, hairs get into the switches and make them stop working, and it's driving me insane. So, do yall know of any nice 80% keyboards with multimedia? I don't want to spend more than $150, but no more than $120 is preferred.

Well, I’ve played the first two Suikoden, love them, so I waited for Eiyuden Chronicle. I’ve just finished the game with all recruits and It was a great experience.
So here the things I like in this game :
-The castle : Ho god, I love the lens freaking sh*t of this feature ! In fact, that’s the main reason why I love so much Suikoden franchise. Starting with ruins, bringing people, rebuild the castle, seeing life coming back, adding new things,… Argh, it’s so exhilarating ! I don’t know why this feature isn’t more popular in gaming.
-The music : I’m suprised there’s a lot of music I enjoy (except those with violins). I’ve a weak spot for the normal battle theme and Yarnaan
-The human scaled story : It’s good to focus the plot on a human scale than a worldwide epic story with gods and apocalyptic issues.
-The gorgeous graphics : Very good looking, with welcoming deep blur effect. The character sprites fit well in its.
-The party customization : Finally, I can make my dream team (here) without having to bring deadweights or characters I don’t want.
-The Suikoden aura : Well, what else can I say ? This game captures what made Suikoden. The personality of every characters, the minigames, the gameplay, the «aura» of a glorious past. And, to be honest, I had some melocanlic moments by playing this game because of the passing of its creator (especially the fact he won’t see its release and its potential future)
...but as nothing is perfect, there is some elements I don’t like :
-The enemy "art": Except human characters and 3D models, most of ennemies look so « off » of the game art with their ugly « paper puppet » animation and their « overdetailed » apparences. Why aren’t they made of sprites ?
-The juvenile ambience : I know Suikoden is more a lighthearted franchise and I don’t want It turns like Warhammer 40K, but, compared of Suikoden 1 and 2, I think the game lacks of what means « war » with all of its tragedies, compromises, sacrifices, different level of grey morality,...
-The bad translation : Well, I think I don’t need to come back to that...
-The underwhelming magic and skills : Maybe I don’t remember well how magic and skills were in Suikoden 1 and 2, but here, they feels disapointing with their lack of damage and their huge costs. Maybe they’ll be a little more viable in future patchs or games ?
-The beigoma minigames : I don’t know whose idea it was and who accepted to put it in the game but they can kiss my *** ! Ho my god, that was horrible! By writing those lines, I discovered beigomas are a real historical thing, but between the "Beyblade spirit" with kids screaming for spinning tops (added with the quoted juvenile ambience), the smashing button gameplay, and the obligation to do so for recruiting an annoying character coming from a Beyblade episode, that was a painful experience for me !
-The "anime" direction : Yes, It sounds weird, It’s a JRPG franchise, so what’s the problem ? Well, with years, I realize I can stand less and less with this "anime" artstyle, especially with charac design. I know in pasted games, they had theirs "silly" oand "cute" characters but I feel they fit a bit more with their environment. However with Eiyuden, I find many of them fit more to a current crappy anime like the pink coat thug, the luchador, those Beyblade characters with Pokemon hairs, the girl golem (why doesn’t it look more like a golem?), the Yugioh card player, the necromancer girl, those cursed magical girls (urgh…), the black knight with pink pigtails (WHY?), the hero sister,… Honestly, of the three main heroes, I prefer Marisa for her design and her character.
I’m scared this franchise artstyle will turns like Shining Force franchise, into a generic isekai-ish waifu-husbando generator (a video about Shining force evolution)
But overall, It was a great game. I’ll surely make an other run in hard difficulty (some restriction options look hardcore!).

Bartholomew Payne

Background: Born and raised an African Sorcerer in a small family, training alongside his cousin and brother. That was until it was discovered that he had inherited his grandfather's technique and was separated from them to train to be a proper sorcerer, eventually being sent to finish his training in Japan, the epicentre of curse energy.
Design: Standing at 5'11, he wears very simplistic clothes, a white t-shirt under a black unbuttoned dress shirt, with no shoes and jeans. He has twisted black hair, brown skin and purple eyes, although one has been scratched closed.
Personality: He tries to stay calm and collected in any situation. Despite this, he is prone to outbursts and breaking down, but gets back up and collects himself every time. He also speaks in a low tone because he is afraid of raising his voice at others (a sentiment that he doesn't share with curse spirits). All in all, he tries to control his emotions to keep himself neutral at all times, (mostly due to his technique).

Abilities and Equipment

Curse Technique: Shades of the Past, a heavily demanding technique that allows the user to control an army of shadows using their emotions or one of the songs. The user can summon small squads of 3-6 at a time without any trouble, 10+ may need a song to control all of them or the entire army of around 200 for a last-ditch effort, turning any battle into one of attrition. The shadows aren't shikigami, they are constructed from the user's curse energy, therefore making them as strong or as durable as the much energy the user gives them. If they are destroyed, they return as cursed energy to the user powering them up but cannot be summoned again for five minutes.
Extension Techniques: They are characterised as songs that the user sings to control the behaviour or abilities of the shadows currently summoned.

1. The Song of War: This makes the shadows aggressive and attacks any target that the user has set. If the user is focused enough, the shadows can mentally receive battle strategies and act out on them. If and when the user loses focus, they will attack anything that moves, be it a friend or foe including the user.
2. The Song of Peace: In case the shadows go berserk from the Song of War, they can use this to calm them down and stifle their bloodlust. Once the song is complete, the technique will be released and returned to the user. This song can also be used to stifle pain in others and rid them of their conflict to allow for a chance to talk or even a surprise attack if the user can remain focused.
3. The Song of Jubilation: This acts as a buff giver to the user's allies basically acting as a coat of cursed energy that can jumpstart techniques and buff their strength speed and durability. This is the most demanding as it takes the most amount of cursed energy to use.
4. The Song of Mayhem: This is a smaller more crude version of the Song of War, that skips the battle strategies and commands the shadows to go apeshit on any enemy they see, relentlessly chasing them down until all of them have been destroyed.
5. The Song of Safety: This commands the shadows to form a "barrier" around the user and acts as a special kind of simple domain to protect the user from attacks and domain expansion sure-hit attacks.
6. Maximum Technique, The Song of Doom: The final and most dangerous song in the user's arsenal, this song serves as a final Hail Mary to ensure destruction to their enemies. With a binding vow in exchange for a 19.4-second start-up time and the user's life, this song uses the shadows to trap their enemy in place and cause every single summonable shadow in the user's arsenal to explode in a final blaze of glory. There is even a myth that says both the user and their target become shadows in the next user's army.

Binding Vows: To increase his effectiveness in battle, Bart takes on two binding vows.

1. To use his technique, he must not wear shoes. In exchange he gets more control over more shadows without the need for songs or the same amount of cursed energy he would normally use for it.
2. He gave up his eye in order to gain the ability to look through one of his shadows at a time, allowing him to observe battles from a distance and gather information about his enemies.

Equipment:

• A simple cutlass that he has used so much it might as well be a cursed tool.

​
(Again this is a character from a comic I am working on that I just adapted to JJK.)

Hi! I read these books as a young teenager (early 2000's, maybe?) and absolutely loved them but my mother gave them away and now I cannot for the life of god remember the names of them. I'd love to find out what they were called. Help me out, please?
Here is what I remember. I hope we can finally find them and also if I remember something wrong it'd be fun to compare to what actually happened in the books.
OVERALL PREMISE
A teenage girl has the ability to see the forces that cause evil in this world. They seem to be individual humanoid creatures that can fly and are invisible to the human eye. They act in a somewhat unified way or seem to share a sort of common consciousness; so, for example, if one of them notices the protagonist, more of them will know where she is even if they haven't talked to one another. They forcefully will manipulate someone's body to do evil (ex., suddenly drive into someone): this would explain those almost unconscious, spontaneous acts of evil in the world.
The portagonist does not know of anyone else that can see them. She tries to be unnoticed by them, because when they "remember" that she can see them, they focus on making her do naughty, embarrassing stuff publicly to undermine her credibility. As a result, she is lonely and perceived as a basket case.
GENRE AND STYLE
The books are very nightmare-ish and quite dark for teenage literature, but had the simplicity in style and structure of other young adult literature. I think of them as Molly Moon meets RL Stine.
DEMOGRAPHICS
I believe they were a translation from Enlglish and that the books mentioned US American towns and cultural references, but I could be wrong. It is very probable that they were published in the early 2000's or late 90's, if they were relatively new books when I read them.
I believe I owned the first and second volumes of the series and have no idea whether there are more.
PREMISE BOOK 1: INTELLIGENT FARM ANIMALS WITH PSYCHIC POWERS THAT REBEL AGAINST HUMANS
Seemingly the first of the series, it was the first I owned. Her family seems to have financial problems and move around quite often whenever her father gets a new job. This time they move to a small countryside village with lots of farms around. There, I believe, she is for some reason quite popular and gets a boyfriend or starts to know a boy. The evil spirits decide to attack this village, I don´t remember why, and make it so that no one can leave the village. Then animals start to become increasingly intelligent beyond human capacities, acquiring human language, societal organization and psychic powers. They decide to take revenge on slaving humans that have mistreated them for centuries and take control of the village, entrapping humans, allowing them a life only a bit better than the ones they had themselves under their rule and physically and psychically punishing them. In one instance I believe a cow attacks a teenager psychically and telepathically convinces him that he has been hit in the belly; the boy believes it to the extent that is body starts manifesting signs of a physical attack.
Somehow the conflict is solved and everything goes to normal in the end, with the exception of a dog who can still talk and retains his human intelligence. No one remembers anything but the protagonist, who "adopts" this dog. They remain close friends for the rest of the series, even though they were enemies in the first book, because they are the only ones who understand and remember what really happened.
PREMISE BOOK 2: A MIRAGE IN THE DESERT LEADS TO A MENACED LAND OF DREAMS
After this incident the family (dog included) moves to an abandoned airport in the middle of the desert, where the dad has found a job because the last employee disappeared out of nowhere. The family settles there and the father starts acting very weirdly (it gives intense 'The Shining' vibes).
After someone's disappearance (the parents, maybe?), the protagonist finds about a mirage in the desert and crosses it, as it was indeed a portal. They arrive in a sort of dream land where anything and everything can come true. All the disappeared in this dessert through Time peacefully and happily cohabit in there, where there is no such thing as death or aging. Dream-like situations play out for their entertainment.
The protagonist is skeptical about this Dream Land and quickly hears about a menacing force that is turning Dream Land into a nightmarish place and threatens to end this places. There has been numerous attempts to get at the root of it, which is in a palace in the middle of a gigantic garden. She and the dog join an expedition through the garden, which becomes increasingly dangerous and dark as they march on.
At one point they find a hut with a diary in it that belonged to an old expedition just like them. Upon reading it they see they all died there. I remember there is a instance where they all get poisoned by the smell of gigantic flowers and believe they are made of honey and eat themselves? It's really dark.
They somehow survive and get to the palace and discover the evil spirits are behind it all. They liberate Dream Land and are rewarded with the possibility of returning to the real world with their family, which they do. Again, no one but the protagonist (and the dog, I think?) remember anything from this adventure. I assume this happens at the end of every book, but I haven't read more.
DESIGN
This was an edition in Spanish, so maybe not very helpful. I had 2 volumes and one was red and the other one purple. The covers were drawn. One of them depicted the evil forces as somewhat of a ghost-like creature. I think the protagonist was white and must have had short straight brown hair and glasses.

[Thumbnail🪞]
Welcome back to this write-up about a complicated artist's complicated book.
Don't be absurd, of course you have time!
Part 1 Part 2
Now that we've established what the book is about, let's take a look at The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls' rich publication and re-publication history. I promise, it's more scandalous than it sounds.

“HER SPEECH IS NOTHING, YET THE UNSHAPÈD USE OF IT DOTH MOVE THE HEARERS TO COLLECTION” (HORATIO, ACT IV SCENE 5)

As I've mentioned in the last installment, TAFWVG has been released multiple times, in multiple editions – four of them, to be precise. And I wish I was exaggerating when I say that three of those four releases have been veritable masterclasses in testing your audience's loyalty. In case you're wondering: the secret is to alter your source material in strange and unpredictable ways, while also constantly messing up on the customer service front.
Most of this installment condenses and combines these two excellent write-ups, which contain most of the receipts: TAFWVG: A History / The Bloody Crumpets: An Inconsistent History. 🔍 Anything that isn't sourced with links is in there.
It turns out there are good reasons why most fiction authors don't do real-life inserts so overtly – but in EA's case, it did make sense, and was warmly embraced by fans upon release. When the book first came out, some of these people had been familiar to the fanbase for years, frequently appearing in candid pictures on EA's blog and leaving comments on the forum; some were also involved in her music and show. Recognizing that one character's name was a pun on So-and-So's username was a nice Easter egg for veteran fans, and newcomers got to learn about fandom lore; it brought the story to life and the community closer.
One side character, for instance, was named after EA's best friend from Chicago, whom many fans had had direct interactions with: she co-ran EA's online stores during the Enchant years, and acted as admin, main moderator and EA-liaison of the forum throughout its near-decade of existence.
One crazy girl who thinks she's a pirate is 100% OC... but her description and illustrations 🪞 were explicitly modeled after pictures of Bloody Crumpet Vecona (one of EA's back-up performers), who became the first stand-in pirate character 📺 in the live show. Captain Vecona was also celebrated as the “Asylum Seamstress” 🪞🔍: most of the iconic early Opheliac costumes were her design. She had a following of her own, even prior to touring with EA, for her professional costuming work and her collaborations with German photographer Angst-im-Wald. (Shitty archive link, sorry - most of those badass photoshoots seem to have been lost to time. But if you were a European goth in the mid-2000s, search your old hard drives: I promise you, you've downloaded some of those pictures.)
Inmate “Veronica”, a cabaret girl diagnosed as a nymphomaniac, was a doppelgänger of her namesake, burlesque dancer Veronica Varlow 🪞 – the ride-or-die Crumpet, whom EA often lovingly called her “husband”, saying they had been lovers in a previous lifetime. Veronica was part of every single tour post-Opheliac release and developed a solid fanbase of her own, which she maintains to this day.
Even the brave and well-mannered talking rats (oh yeah, there's talking rats in the Asylum story) were named after EA's real-life pet rodents, who had featured in glamorous photoshoots. (Slight NSFW for sideboob.)
You get the general gimmick by now: EA turns her personal life into art, which she turns into a fictional world, which she then prompts the audience to inhabit with her. The whole Asylum concept was essentially an open invitation to self-insert parasocial fanfic: “Here's this very personal world that I've created, in which I, the artist, exist as a fictional persona, alongside all these quirky inmate characters that you've seen in my stage show, and who are avatars my real-life friends. Come on in, make it your home, and populate it with your own zany Victorian alter egos.”
And it worked, to an extent: like I've said, most fans were on board before they'd even read the book, and the Asylum became “real” in that sense.
But it can get a bit disorienting to find your place in a fantasy world, when said world keeps changing based on the author's shifting feelings about her story, her target audience, and her friends... plus, you'd love to read the book, but the darn thing still hasn't shipped.

ROUNDS 1 & 2: THE HARDCOVERS

~A MINOR ADJUSTMENT~
TAFWVG was first teased in spoken-word bonus tracks 🎤 on a 2007 EP. In spring 2008, EA started reading excerpts from her upcoming book at live shows. Early excerpts from the Asylum narrative featured a character named “Jo Hee” 📺; in the story, she is a cellist from “the Orient” (love that Victorian geography) and Emily's childhood confidante.
In real life, Lady Jo Hee, Center of Happiness, was the OG Bloody Crumpet. 📺 She had been there since from the very first Opheliac show in Chicago in 2006, accompanying EA on the electric cello – the only instrumentalist ever featured in the line-up besides EA herself.
In August 2008, Alternative Magazine ran a feature about the upcoming book.🔍, teasing some of its pages. Fans were quick to spot a very sisterly picture of EA and Jo Hee 🪞, borrowed from a fan-favorite photoshoot of the two. (An aside: this specific picture also became famous in the fandom for another reason. At some point, someone made an edit replacing Jo Hee with Amy Lee from Evanescence; for a while, it kept making the rounds in alt/goth internet circuits, casual onlookers kept getting excited about it, and Plague Rats kept having to step in and disappoint them.)
Anyway. For reasons undisclosed by either party, Jo Hee quietly left the Crumpets after that tour, never to be mentioned again.
By the time the book came out in late 2009, the character of “Jo Hee” had been renamed “Sachiko”. (I guess it didn't matter whether the one non-white character in the story was meant to be Korean or Japanese.) Jo Hee's face had been edited out of the (still clearly recognizable) photograph, and eerily replaced with Nondescript_Asian_Woman_023.jpg from Shutterstock.🪞
You'd think that the switcheroo would have raised more eyebrows, or at least some awkward chuckles, among fans of an artist whose better-known lyrics include “If I Photoshop you out of every picture, I could / Go quietly, quiet - but would that do any good?”. Yet to my knowledge, it did not. Possibly because, by the time people got around to reading the book, some fans had been waiting for their copy longer than Jo Hee had been a Crumpet.
A ROCKY RELEASE
Although the book seemed just about ready for publication at the time of those 2008 readings, the initial release was delayed by technical difficulties (some data had been lost during the editing process). And then delayed some more when, a year later, EA cancelled the US leg of a tour and slammed the door on Trisol, accusing the label owner of exploitation and embezzlement (he was allegedly selling fake tickets to her shows on a phony website). In August 2009, she signed over to The End Records, and we were back in business, baby!
Not only was The Book on its way to the presses, but the long-awaited release would coincide with a “Deluxe” re-issue of Opheliac, with new cover art and bonus tracks. For $100, you could pre-order the “Ultimate Book/Album Collection”, which included the revamped album, the book, a t-shirt, a tote bag, a recipe booklet and some bonus digital downloads, to be shipped in October. Or, for a more up-close-and-personal experience, you could purchase a VIP bundle for her upcoming shows in the fall: $50 plus ticket price would get you the book, a swag bag, and a meet-and-greet. (VIP tickets were capped at 20 slots per show; from what I gather, informal interactions with fans at the merch table were becoming overwhelming on previous tours. Again: fast-growing audience.)
Alas, due to printing issues this time, the making and shipping were soon pushed back to December. VIP ticket-holders were assured, at the start of the tour, that their copies would be shipped first as soon as the books were printed, with handwritten dedications from EA. Purchasers of the “Book/Album” bundle would receive theirs shortly thereafter. This seemed like a reasonable trade-off for a minor delay, and no one was too upset. (Well, some might have been, but at that juncture in Asylum history – for reasons that will become apparent in a later installment, when we get to EA's altercations with her fans – I guess they knew better than to get mouthy about it.)
The bundles came first... and in many cases, “bundle” was a generous term, because they arrived incomplete. When the t-shirt or tote bag weren't missing, they were printed the wrong colors. Many digital download codes had to be requested via email. The book itself was beautiful, but poorly bound, typo-ridden, and missing entire pages. (This was largely fixed in the second hardcover release.)
As far as I know, everyone who complained to the distributor got their money back – and I imagine it was a nice surprise when some items showed up, inexplicably, months after they had already been refunded. But it was still a bit of a “sad trombone” moment for many loyal fans, who had to request a refund on the Ultimate Super-Cool Preorder Exclusive Bundle to purchase the book and album separately.
As for the VIP package books, those didn't start shipping until late 2010 – a whole year after the official book release, months after less invested fans had already received their non-preordered copies. Worse: none of the books were signed, much less lovingly adorned with a personalized handwritten note as EA had promised. (And had tweeted about doing during the year-long shipping delay!) After enough fans meekly expressed their intense disappointment, EA's BFF-forum-admin mailed out signed bookplates that people could stick in their book in lieu of a personalized autograph. No real explanation was given. As far as I know, this particular let-down didn't cause a mass exodus of disappointed fans – but, in the midst of other goings-on, it certainly contributed to eroding many fans' trust in EA's word.
EA TAKES ON HOLLYWOOD
The 2011 release of the largely-identical second edition was better planned and overall uneventful, which gives me time to catch you up on contemporaneous events – like the reason EA ditched the Opheliac red and went platinum blonde. 🪞
Around that time, EA got herself a supporting role and a solo number 🎵📺 in The Devil's Carnival, Darren Lynn Bousman's psychocircus-themed movie musical. (If you're scrambling to place the name: depending on what kind of deviant you are, DLB is either the guy who directed half of the Saw movies or the guy who directed Repo! The Genetic Opera.)
If you've clicked the last link: see the bad boy greaser she's dancing with at the end of the song? That's the titular “Scorpion”, played by Marc Senter, and they were totally hitting on each other while shooting this. 📝🪞 They've been an item for twelve years now, in what appears to be a loving and mutually supportive relationship, and they seem besotted with each other. That's only marginally relevant to the story, but it's nice to know that at least one nice thing worked out in all this mess.
Back to 2011. Through her friendship with DLB and the Devil's Carnival cast (a motley crew of top-shelf B-listers 🔍 that included Bill Moseley, Paul Sorvino, the chick from Spy Kids, and the clown from Slipknot), EA also made a bunch of new industry connexions. That's how she came to decide that TAFWVG was meant to be more than a book, more than a live show: it had to become... a musical. Full company, full orchestra, big names, the works. Her 2012 album, Fight Like a Girl, was written and recorded with this project in mind, with most songs narrating events from the book and EA singing as various characters – which turns love duets into finger food for Dr. Freud. 🎵
Shortly before the album release, EA announced on Twitter that the Asylum Musical was scheduled to debut in the London West End, under the direction of Bousman, in 2014. "Casting calls to be announced soon!" (They were not.)

ROUND 3: THE AUDIOBOOK

2014 came, and brought... another TAFWG re-release announcement.
But wait – this time, it was going to be an audiobook! EA had been teasing one since before the original release, so people were quite excited. (It also sounded like a more achievable goal for the calendar year than a West End debut.) In early 2014, recording was well on its way, and the 6-CD boxset was due to ship in May.
PLEASE STAND BY, YOUR ASYLUM WILL BE PROCESSED SHORTLY
First, EA discovered “a new microphone ... that, upon testing, produced a recording of far greater beauty and expressive quality”, which naturally meant the whole thing had to be re-recorded. Two month's delay. No biggie. Our girl is a perfectionist.
But our girl also had to write, coordinate and rehearse her upcoming “Asylum Experience” – an afternoon-long interactive theater event, directed by Darren Lynn Bousman, which would be performed at five dates of the Vans Warped Tour in August. (It's not exactly the West End, but it's a start! 🔍) And then she had to prepare for the filming of the Devil's Carnival sequel in the fall. So, obviously, the July deadline was not met. When she finally gave an update in late 2014, the ETA was basically “we are ever so close, but the audiobook gets there when it gets there; feel free to ask for a refund if you're not along for the ride”.
And then she signed with a literary agent. TAFWVG was going to be made into a “real” book, that readers could purchase in stores for a normal price and request from their local library – big event! (More for EA, I think, than for her fans. By that point, the second edition could be purchased as a PDF, and I believe most people who pre-ordered the audiobook had already read the story.) But this involved tailoring the narrative to a more general audience, which meant portions of the book had to be re-written... which meant further delays.

...Besides, and let’s have a teacup of “honesty time” here, if the new Asylum becomes an internationally best-selling novel, not only can we enact more change for good, but the Asylum Musical takes over Broadway faster, the Asylum Movie takes over theatres faster, and YOU are all dressed up as rats/inmates in said movie, you guessed it, faster (“Asylum Audiobook Announcement from EA”📝)

Well, you know what they say in show business: if you can't make it in London, there's always New York.
As EA assured her fans, their patience would be rewarded with a brand new, professionally polished version of the story – and in due time, I guess, a role in the movie. (“Let's hope she doesn't find another new microphone!” 🐀)
From that point on, there seems to have been an ever-widening gap between EA's enthusiasm and fan expectations. When audiobook snippets 🎤.mp3) were released, many fans were unimpressed by the oddly flat, overproduced recording (turns out a microphone can be so good it's a problem! 🐀), which highlighted EA's stilted, uncanny diction and not-quite-transatlantic accent. That caught everyone off guard, because she didn't use to read like... that. Even die-hard apologists had to concede through gritted teeth that, tragically, it was giving William Shatner. (If you're curious, you can find more previews here 🎤📝, along with EA's captions.)
Fans weren't just getting irritated with the various delays and excuses: they were baffled, angry, and embarrassed. When EA clapped back “U know U can just get a refund, right? That is totally within your power to do” on social media, and it came out that requests for refunds had been getting ignored for weeks or months 🐀, seasoned fans were like “Yeah, that tracks.” The whole never-ending ordeal was just starting to feel silly.
All told, the audiobook took two years to complete, with little to no new music in the interim. Two years is a long time for a young-leaning audience! Fans who had preordered at the end of their sophomore year were graduating high school by the time it came out. Others who had been in the middle of undergrad were now looking for full-time jobs. People had gotten pregnant, given birth and potty trained, or had houses built from the ground up. Genuine ultra-fans of the book had had time to... presumably, read other books. (“I wonder how many people passed away waiting for this shitty audiobook to be finished?”)
When the audiobook came out, many long-time Plague Rats had defected, either lamenting the misguided decisions of their favorite artist, or just calling EA a money-grabbing fraud and a lying liar. And a number of patient and unbothered fans had, quite simply, grown out of their EA phase.
Your humble servant, for one, ordered the audiobook the week it went on sale, and stuck with that preorder through five address changes and two graduation ceremonies. Now, bear in mind: through all the ups and downs, even as the charm dispelled, my taste in music evolved, and my perception of EA herself changed, I never formally stopped considering myself a fan. (Mama didn't raise no quitter.) To this day, and to my profound embarrassment, I give enough of a shit that I'm taking the time to write this story at all, and that I was able to draft most of itfrom memory.(Mama didn't teach me how to prioritize.) Well, get this: I have never once listened to the audiobook. I remember unwrapping the signed boxset (minimal artwork, flimsy cardboard, no liner notes), thinking “this could have been an email”, telling myself I'd get around to it for old time's sake... and then I never did, because it was ten hours long, and I just couldn't force myself to care about that story anymore. I was not an isolated case.
In light of this, I apologize in advance for any potential errors in the following paragraphs; others listened so posers like me wouldn't have to 🔍, and I'm going off of their word. The new and improved edition was, indeed, a different book – in that a bunch of things that felt meaningful to fans had been either reworked or excised.
THE AUDIOBOOK EDITS
The hospital narrative had been shortened in favor of the asylum story, and the controversial “Drug / Suicide / Cutting” diaries had been scrapped. Part of the fanbase applauded this decision, but others were disappointed 🐀, as they had found the diaries to be the most (some said only) personal, authentic, and insightful chapters in the book.
Curse words, some abuse, and all mentions of abortion had also been purged. It made the book tamer, but not by much... because Emilie's age had been changed from 27 to 17. Apparently, the literary agent had suggested this to make the book more marketable to a Young Adult audience. No other biographical detail had been altered, so the main narrator was now a 17 year old girl with no parents but an established music career, who checks in by herself into a high-security adult ward, no questions asked. (I'm still perplexed by this one. Did they not expect YA readers to know how hospitals work...?)
The pirate captain, formally known by her “mass of tangled black hair”, was now... a blonde. According to EA, this was a purely aesthetic change: it made the three main Asylum girls a redhead, a blonde and a brunette, which would look better in the stage adaptation. Between the lines, it also distanced the character from its original dark-haired muse: Vecona, who had left the Crumpets in 2008 after a rumored falling-out with EA over unpaid costume work.
The minor characters based on EA's old Chicago friends had been discarded entirely. Which likely made sense for EA – she hadn't lived there in years, the friend group had drifted apart as friend groups do, and by that point, there no longer was an EA forum to administrate or comment on – but not so much for her readers. Some fans had grown fond of these fictional inmates (wasn't that the point?), and weren't too happy to see EA symbolically treat them as disposable. Others were saddened that EA would just scrap these remnants of her old life, and of what felt like simpler, happier times in the fandom. Either way, children, this is why you shouldn't get a neck tattoo of your first boyfriend's name, OR openly base the “good guys” in your career-defining book on friends you made in your early twenties.
To compensate for the loss of... most named inmate characters, Veronica was given a much more prominent role in the plot. Namely, instead of being best friends, Veronica and Emily were now... in love! Lovers! Lesbian lovers! Which naturally meant that Veronica had to die. 🔍 Besides, fans famously love it when you pull a gay ship out of thin air between your two main characters, and then kill one of them off so that the other suffers more.
One last one, because I find it especially goofy: a scrappy teddy bear named Suffer, given to Emily by the talking rats, was replaced with...a Very Large Spoon, which gets its very own number in the musical. 🎵 The rationale was that Emily could use the spoon as a weapon in the climactic uprising against the Asylum doctors. Which, fair enough... except that, prior to being a cute and anachronistic 🔍 MacGuffin in the fictional Asylum story, Suffer the Bear had been a beloved mascot🪞 from the early Opheliac live shows. Some still remembered when EA had raised HELL, even starting a #FREESUFFER campaign on Twitter, because she thought someone had stolen Suffer from the stage (it later turned out that he had been misplaced in a flight case). All that noise back in the day... and now Suffer didn't matter anymore? The nerve. “She made shirts and everything!” 🐀
All this to say, reception was lukewarm. EA hadn't performed live since 2014 and the Devil's Carnival sequel had failed to make a splash (despite decent reviews, the franchise and main collaboration fell apart before the end of the promotional tour 🔍). People were checking out. There was only one way to correct this. A true paradigm shift. A fresh start – a new theme?
Hell no. It's another edition of The Asylum for Revisionist Tortureporn Friendfictions!

ROUND 4: THE E-BOOK & THE QUEST FOR THE SPOON OF ROYALS

In 2017, about a year after the audiobook release, EA self-published a digital version of TAFWVG through Amazon. The literary agent hadn't worked out in the end: publishers were put off by how dark the book was, even after the audiobook edits. EA explained that she hadn't been comfortable with some of the alterations in the first place; she respected the agent's input and had tried to give it an honest shot, but in the end, she wanted to do it the way she wanted to do it, solo... and this was it.
EA had reverted a number of the audiobook cuts (including swear words, mentions of abortion, and the narrator's age), but kept most of the changes to the Asylum narrative – namely, the omission of Former Friends Characters, and the romance between Emily and Veronica. In the newsletter announcement, she mentions being in the process of “re-recording the few little bits of the audiobook to reflect the current text version”. Not sure where we're at on that front; it's never been brought up again, and I don't think anyone's checked. (I assume most fans had war flashbacks when they read the word “re-record”, and instantly repressed that part of the communiqué.)
The “Drug / Suicide / Cutting” diaries were still omitted in the first release of the e-book, but re-included as a coda soon after, by popular demand, under the title “Evidence of Insanity” – with fantastical “doctor's annotations” like“W14A seems to have disassociated her own identity, episodic, each lasting for a longer period of time. We suspect she will continue further in this – stronger medication is needed, schedule electroconvulsive therapy.”
A physical paperback edition was released a few months later; in anticipation of this, the e-book was a stripped-down, text-centric version of the story. (Honestly not a bad call, because the digital version from 2012 was a scanned, non-searchable, 1.3GB PDF behemoth – not super Kindle-friendly!) No elaborate backgrounds and color photographs in this edition, but the pages were still illustrated with inserts of rats, keys, teacups, and... hold on... ciphers??🪞
As always in the Asylum, history doesn't repeat itself, but it rhymes. In a throwback to the prelapsarian days of the Enchant Puzzle (remember? the one that no one ever managed to solve?), the e-book illustrations contained puzzles, which formed the master-key to... a scavenger hunt! And in keeping with tradition, the grand prize was an extravagant adornment hand-crafted by EA: the “Spoon of Royals”.🪞📝 Oh my!
Some of the puzzles are simple anagrams that can be solved for keywords. A clickable word within the adjacent text takes you to a password-protected link, which takes you through to an audio file – a song or an atmospheric instrumental that goes with that moment of the story. There are also more complex ciphers that decode into riddles. Each key depicted in the book has a number or letter engraved on it. The total number of rats in the book is apparently significant. One link takes you through to a blank page whose source code contains a list of coordinates from various bridges around the world.
Oh, it was a whole thing. When the book came out, you could send a picture of you doing EA's signature “rat claw” hand sign🪞 to request admission to a private Facebook group (the “Striped Stocking Society”) where people could help each other solve the clues and EA would occasionally pop in for a chat. There was also a series of mysterious newsletters in early 2018, culminating in a Los Angeles event where EA showed up in person to pass on extra puzzle-solving material to a handful of lucky fans (although said material raised more questions that it answered 📝).
Overall, it was a great idea! Although the fanbase was generally smaller and less active after four years without a new tour or album (and a fair amount of other drama, which we have yet to get into), the e-book puzzle did pique people's interest in purchasing yet another version of the same story.
Unfortunately, once again, EA overestimated either how intuitive her fans were, or how invested they would remain. After months of collaborative efforts across multiple platforms, a number of puzzles had been cracked 🔍, but it was still unclear how the individual anagrams and numbers and riddle-solutions all fit together as scavenger hunt clues.
EA kept up the hype for a while, but the few hints that she gave on social media only revealed yet more encryption factors without really helping fans connect the dots. One cipher remained unsolved on Instagram for days and days before EA caved in and hinted at which key to use. She did helpfully specify that if you didn't know how to read music, you'd better start learning. (...Was this a fun puzzle, or a prep school admission test?) The in-person LA event had also sown some confusion as to the rules and constraints of the game: would winning involve traveling to a physical location? That didn't seem very fair. EA had mentioned physically burying some items – but could you solve the puzzle from a distance? Is the Spoon of Royals literally just buried under the Shakespeare Bridge in Los Angeles, California?? 🐀
I'm just saying: if this had come up in 2008? People in corsets and platform boots would have been out there digging.
But this was 2018. As we've mentioned, the core of EA's active fanbase (a lot of whom had been teens and young adults when she was touring Opheliac) was fast aging out of the years when most folks have the spare time, dedication, or desire to essentially do super-involved homework out of love for their favorite singer. Uncovering new songs was a fun perk the first year – but after the new album came out in 2018, none of the passwords led to exclusive material anymore. It felt a bit lacklustre for something so labor-intensive.
(The new music itself wasn't a rallying point either. Behind the Musical was, quite literally, an intended vocal guide for the Asylum musical – so, basically a collection of demos. The sound was VERY Broadway Revival, somewhat Phantomish 🎵, in a way that's either good or bad depending on who's saying it. The violins, to fans' chagrin, sounded all-MIDI; no sign of actual instrumental recordings. EA sang all the parts herself, as she had on her previous album. I'm not saying there's no merit in a one-woman Andrew Lloyd Weber tribute. Many old fans enjoyed the new material well enough, some even really liked it – but most agreed that it just didn't hit like her earlier stuff used to, and that it felt rather unfinished.)
Unlike with the Enchant Puzzle, the prize itself was not much of an intrinsic motivation. While the Faerie Queen's Wings were a straightforward concept that evoked EA's own signature stage costumes, the Spoon of Royals was... a large spoon attached to a necklace, community-college-art-teacher style. It looked impractical both as a spoon and as a necklace, and more importantly, I'm not sure how many readers felt a deep emotional connection to the spoon in the story. The spoon that had usurped Suffer the Bear, no less!
In short: people gave up on the game because it was too hard, it came too late, and they had other things to do.
Thus, the Spoon of Royals remains unclaimed to this day, and I doubt I'll see anyone crack the puzzle in this lifetime. The Striped Stocking Society FB group was terminated in 2020, around the same time a bunch of fansites folded and EA closed her Instagram comments for the first time. By that point, both EA and her fans had bigger rats to skewer – but we have a ways to go before we reach that part of the story.
I would encourage you to give the puzzle a shot for the hell of it (in case you're a cryptography nerd and currently under house arrest or in a full-body cast) but... I just tried a bunch of the links, and the passwords don't work anymore. So I guess that's that. To quote old Bill by way of conclusion: “Much ado about nothing”.

ROUND TOO-MANY: I'LL SEE YOU ON BROADWAY OR I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL

So, what now? Well, not much.
By the late 2010s, what kept many fans semi-invested – if nothing else, because it clearly meant so much to EA herself – was the prospect of an upcoming stage musical adaptation. The way EA talked about it 📺, it was very much a “when”, not an “if”. Sure, ten years on, we were still collectively stuck in the Asylum, but it would at least be a new format – and a return to EA's main field of expertise, ie songwriting and performing. Not only did the core fanbase long for new music and new shows, but Fight Like a Girl and Behind the Musical had brought in small influxes of new fans who were very eager for any chance to see her live. So whether it was out of genuine enthusiasm for the project, or out of “let EA have her musical so we can maybe finally move on”, the fanbase was overall supportive.
Even though people still joked about the 2012 announcement of a “2014 West End debut” (seriously, what was she thinking?), EA had really buckled down in the intervening years, and it looked like the project was plausibly well underway. As in, we had more than just EA's word to go on: the involvement of other people, who did not reside in the Asylum, seemed to confirm that the musical was a thing.

[CONTINUED IN COMMENTS because Reddit is being ridiculous about the character count. I swear I was under 40,000!]