For 16 years my mil an oldest sil have been awful, after dealing with it for so long I developed ptsd from their treatment. I been NC since April and it is absolutely wonderful, I juss wanna talk about some of the things they've done.
After the birth of my first daughter mil an fil were telling bf to not sign the birth certificate, and the nurses were giving me such a hard time for him to sign the paperwork. So when he came to the hospital after work I told him they wanted him to sign the papers he was refusing to go get them from the desk an I just had a c section, so I got mad and walked down there and got the stuff from them an took it back to him he did sign but mil an fil were not happy... it has always been difficult with husband until recently believing me about how awful his mother is to me he didn't wanna deal with any of it an basically wanted me to take their torture which the end result was my mental health, makes me really upset cuz I could of been smarter and just left an maybe today I would be able to go into a large crowd of people without feeling scared an panicking. I can barely go into stores now. But anyway....
Bf was giving me money to help buy baby stuff it was 100 every week, he was also giving mil 400 a week. Mil an sil cornered me and threw a fit about he was giving me to much money. Which i find funny bc he was literally giving her a lot of money, I was also on government assistance for like 3 months an she said bf was entitled to half of that money.
Mil put her electric in bfs name (he still lived there) she let the bill go up to over 2000 dollars and didn't pay it off till he gave her problems cuz they were sayin his wages were gonna be attached, we had juss gotten our first apartment when they threatened to attach his wages. She lied to him about paying it she did some but not all and he still gets letters about that bill.
During the first couple weeks at our new apartment mil would bring a plate of food for just bf an would give me dirty looks while he was eating it 🤣
Now it gets interesting...
Fast forward to our second child mil stated to both of us the baby wasn't his but was my brother's 🙄 that was the first time she did anything Infront of him an he threw a fit after that its all been backhanded she'd do shit when he wasn't in the room.
I had gotten a tattoo on the side of my neck just a lil star and she said only trashy people do that, but it was ok sil got 2 on both sides of her neck.
Mil sil and sils friend came to our wedding in pajamas it was at the courthouse but everyone was dressed up
Mil took both bottom tiers of my wedding cake my friend made for me and my mom had to fight her for the top of it. She had also stole my first babyshower cake I didn't even get a piece
Sometimes on the weekends we would drink beers an have people over, sometimes sil would come over and few times she'd bring her friend and their mutual friend would come now I knew right away they did this on purpose and it was absolutely intentional they had this girl flirt with husband I over heard this girl say something about how her crotch would get so wet and I went off it caused a big fight and when I told that girl we were married she acted shocked an left immediately never saw her again.
Mil brought me pants of this really really big lady we all knew and said these should fit u
This one is the beginning of the end my father passed away and a month after was my youngest bday husband was outside cookin on the grill and mil and fil came in an mil starting making jokes about funerals even fil told her thats fked up. My mom went home later in tears. A few months later after that we learned fil had the same cancer my dad passed of.
Youngest sil overdosed 2 years ago and is bedridden now and mil takes care of her and her 3 kids 2 months before that happened we were all sitting at my kitchen table and mil told everyone idc what kind of drugs you do just don't get caught with them... I thought wow this is insane shit.
In February of this year I had gotten a fb message from someone idk and they were sayin all these things that would definitely make me break up with husband, in the messages they had given their self away sayin only things mil would of known. There was a huge argument and mil ended up writing husband f you and your family. Then all of a sudden sils friend gets a job at husband's shop an works with him... husband an I sat down and were talkin about how that whole thing was a big plan to get us to break up and sils friend to weasel her way into husband's life.
There has been so much more but those r the things that stay vividly in my mind. After the whole fb thing I was done an the last time mil popped up at our home an i had a panic attack she was told to not come here anymore of course she knows nothing and has done nothing wrong 🙄 an is currently telling people she doesn't know what's going on... she has to tell people that so she doesn't look like the bad guy cuz she has talked so much trash about me to everyone that they would know. She even sent her nephew to tell husband to call his mom 🙄 he never did... he texted her happy mother's day and she said to tell me the same from her I'm at the point I don't want to hear from her, don't wanna hear her name, I wanna forget what she looks like.
I forgot to mention they were all on m3th an that just amplified their stupidness which is probably why they thought that fb idea was the plan to finally get husband an I apart 😆 oldest sil is really bad on that stuff now an her life is Fallin apart everyone says she is goin down the same path as youngest sil but all they do is watch and talk about it.
If you made it thus far thanks for reading ❤️

Hi,
I have marked most imporant parts as how long I use each meds in what dose, info of me, my questions, supplements used, nootropics thinking of, new meds for panic disorder treatment, plan to quit benzos, advice about Memantine. If you want, there is whole story and treatment:) Thx I have a lifetime nonmedicated ADHD + OCD (will finally have atomoexin in july after like 8 docs) but mainly severe panic disorder since 12/23 caused by badly burning out and not stopping work + too much stress from all sides, mostly family and workspace/company. It started close to xmas and wanted to finish year and worked until my body completely disabled to it to me but right after it came xmas, which is not my fav time of year ending in keeping me in attacks 24/7. Btw Im 29yo man, 193cm, 90kg, sporting, financial advisor self employed, living alone, used to be really busy all the time, multiple addictions behind me mostly because depression (alcohol),pain (kratom) and stimulants bcs its so addictive with adhd :D But I dont abuse anything since 02/23 when I barely survived WD from forced CT a lot of alcohol every day and I want to be healthy and drugs free!
I am currently getting off xanax and on SSRI, starting my new recovery plan below as previous didnt help enough and asking if you know anything that could help me get my full life back sooner I work as I can/want, mostly 2-6 h/day and only from home, going to multiple types of therapy, investing insane money to get recovered and looking for every possible way. I am open for any tip or advice on nootropic, peptide, maybe even SARMs that could help me get over this. Even if you dont have time or dont want to read all previous treatment and new plan and have idea what could help me, write it please. But I have to be careful with anything interacts with SSRI as I will be also on buspar, I have a safe med for serotonin syndrome if needed.. Also if you see gaps or risks in my meds plan, some ideas, useful info or better ways, I will be glad to know it:) Mostly about Memantine - when to use, in which part of protocol it will be most beneficial or what to expect.
I use/tried almost every useful supplement including adaptogens, herbs, expensive vitamins, mushrooms, gotu kola, NAC, tyrosine, inositol and just anything that could be useful + basics use all year. Also have Alpha GPC which made my adhd brain supercomputer before I got beaten but now doesnt work. Tried before noopept and a lot of racetams, idra21 and some more but with no effect and modafinil before with effect, but mostly anxiety, too much concentrating on one thing and severe insomnia.
I am already pretty sure about Agmatine, Sulbutiamine instead of Benfotiamine (any difference?), not sure of Bromantane on ssri (?), 9-me is no go, maybe NALT (?), Theacrine as Im tired from SSRI all the time and too much coffee makes me axnious, maybe Vinpocetine or Uridine triacetate? centrophenoxine? dihexa?
My treatment from december to now:
I had no idea wth is this, told my psychologist what is happening to me and asking many times if its serious and casually replied that is probably from stress. So I treated it as burnout by resting, then removing original causes and triggers, removing problems from my mind and life, reducing stress to minimum, even leaving my pretty good paid job after 9 yers. But nothing helped besides benzos which made me not feel attacks so much and when I went off after 6 weeks, symptoms came back the same day.
I always said no to ADs but this time I didnt see any other option so I got SSRI citalopram 20, later 30mg now 6 weeks, first weeks were hell of anxiety and tiredness, last 2 weeks they help but effect is enough to keep me attack free only at home, outside flat still almost instant PA + side effects are still bad.
Same with benzos now again for 6 weeks afte break from previous cycle, mostly xanax 1,5-2mg a day, when Im home with no problems I can stay on 0,5mg with no WD. But want to quit asap, Im standing on the edge of little discomfort or living hell WDs. Also it makes me dumb, careless and not caring, but dont have cravings or abuse them, until now there was no other medication in my country :/ Also I already had GABA WDs pretty bad from alcohol many times and from phenibut in february by mistake (3 weeks of 2-3x a week before I had benzos). I would rather skip this opportunity to be on boat walking simulator with scary shadowy guy in my bedroom.
Next week I will make a big changes:
Will to add Buspar in small doses to SSRI, probably 30mg citalopram + 2x7,5mg buspar for long term and propranolol over benzos before I leave flat for panic attacks - I have mostly physical symptoms and over these months my brain has learned to go panic mode when I go around people or noise but im not scared, wanting to hide or anxious, want to go out. Hope this will allow me to relearn the BIOS of my brain and body they wont start panicking as it has learned over months of nonstop attack (january until end of april, just moving on scale 1-10 but never off). Propranolon as beta-blocker should not allow my body to go panic defense mode and mental anxiety I can handle now. My mind is still quite ok, not much depressed or in bad mood, last days even thinking a bit sharper and can handle it but body/brain program are stuck. Hope this will allow me over time to get off SSRI to just Buspar + non addictive anxiety aid as needed or at least switch to SNRI or Wellbutrin as im energetic person but with this SSRI im meeeeeeeh all the time.
As propranolon arrives I will cut benzos to lowest dosage where I wont feel WD, probably 0,5mg/day and switch to Clonazepam (have benzos and can ask doc anytime), keep this dose for 2-3 weeks, taper to 0,35mg, wait and this until i go down around 0,2mg/day. Maybe slower if it will be painful or risk worse WDs when i cut them off.
For quitting benzos I have clonidine (WD reduce, camling, ADHD), pregabalin (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure but addictive), baclofen (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure also addictive)), Etifoxine (nonbenzo anxiolytics, I guess mostly PAWS) and Topiramate (seizure and migraine prevention, WD reduce) and Hydroxyzine (sleepy antihistamine nonaddictive) to get off them asap with no risk seizure and suffering for weeks in terrible WDs. I wont use all the aids together but as needed for current symptoms and not get hooked on none of them as only atarax is safe.
Also finally will get ADHD meds atomoxetin, but as I have no energy, even adhd is not so present and clonidine also helps for adhd. And I have found one super special med you will be interested about- Memantine (bgpharm), do you have experiences about this so called miracle drug? It make you feel softly with unlimited brain power, also it shall lower tolerances to almost all substances and by 30-60% over 7-14 days and then make WDs easier + also helps ADHD. But have no idea when to use it in my plan, I got 2 packs and its cheap so can buy more but dont want to mess with getting off bzs and learning to manage going out. Same question with atomoxetin - when to start? its not stimulant so it should not affect attacks nor benzo WD but idk.
Just in case there would be too much serotonin I will have Cyproheptadine for SS. It should not happen from SSRI+Buspiron but some nootropic or WD med can cause it. And just remembered I shall take some ephedrine/yohimbine if my BP or HB goes too slow from propranolon/clonidine... :/
I will still go for checks to doc and psychiatrist but the medical procedures in my country got stuck in time in year when producers of SSRI/benzos gave some gifts for doctors or politics. So they just give you this combo announcing you it will work (didnt) and you wont get addicted in 3 months of xan (would). Also propranolon is not approved med for anxiety in my county, only bzds and buspirone, but after trying several ADs on you :/
Thank you so much for any knowledge you share with me!

Hey everyone, it’s Andrei, from Inspo Stories!
I love to do deep researches and interviews with successful founders and their businesses on how they got started
Today, I have a super inspiring study on Typefully Bootstrapped Saas: From $0 to $113K MRR

How was the idea born?

Typefully exists now because Fabrizio (co-founder) wanted a tool to write twitter Threads. So he started build one 4+ years ago

How the cofounders met?

They met through Twitter in 2011. They were part of the same bubble of Italian teenagers interested in tech (specifically Apple at the time). They had tons of micro-interactions throughout the years via Twitter and were both passioned about apps and great UX.
Fabrizio reach out to Francesco about building a camera app for iOS. He took the offer but, after a short collab, they dropped the project. Nothing came out of it in the end. You can consider it our first 'failure'
After that, they kept following and interacting with each other for months.
At some point in 2015, Fabrizio tweeted about a concept of a Mac app wrapping Inbox by Gmail and Francesco DM’d him a prototype after a few hours.
That project was Bboxysuite, their first successful project together. They sold it with a good exit🎉 After that, they kept working together on bigger and bigger projects.

Getting first 1000 users in one day

Launch day: 16k page visits, 1,432 Signups, $155 Revenue
The traffic breakdown reveals what happened:

• Hacker News: 6.3k
• Twitter: 2.1k
• ProductHunt: 1.9k

And they also managed to hit the Hacker News frontpage.
The perfect formula was:

• interesting product
• no-bullshit title
• sparking a controversial discussion in the comments.

When it comes to Twitter, we have been building a following there for some time, so it was a matter of publishing the right tweet, at the right time, and getting the right people to retweet it
For Product Hunt, we partnered with our friend Chris. His followers got a notification when he hunted us, but we also did our part and emailed our lists. That helped to get fast on the front page and to kickstart the discussion

How got to the HackerNews front page three times in a row

What's the point, though? Those articles took me 1-2 hours to write and resulted in 40k+ visits to this blog, hundreds of signups for Typefully and Mailbrew, and many Twitter followers

1. "Select a topic. HN is a community of entrepreneurial hackers, naturally curious about company building, startups, programming, technical topics, and understanding the world. Writing about those topics will help but is not required. In fact, you can write about anything as long as your writing is intellectually honest, in-depth, and does not try to sell something."
2. "Pick the right title. The title should describe exactly what the post is about. No marketing is allowed. Think of the title more as a commit message than a headline."
3. "Don't try to outsmart HN readers. You can safely assume that the average HN reader is smarter than you. They have a radar for bullshit. You are either telling a story, describing a problem, showing something you built, or not getting to the front page. This should influence your title and style of writing. Notice in the titles above and in my writing how I am simply describing my experience, not trying to teach anything."
4. "Be responsive in the comments. Engaging with people in the comments is the funniest part of the front-page experience. I usually write in a void and getting the diverse feedback that HN delivers is a ton of fun. I believe starting a discussion is also key in getting people to click and upvote your post. I don't take comments too seriously or personally. While the average HN reader may be smarter than me, there is a lot of variance."
5. "Dance like nobody's watching. I write for myself, and when I get a good feeling about a post, I submit it, trying not to overthink it."

Read the full article here
We put a 4 hours into this research and it’s covering mostly all aspects:

• Free to Paid conversions improvement hack
• 30 days challenge, Black Friday & Twitter Growth Strategies
• 100k MRR SaaS Tech stack Detailed, $3K/m costs
• Hiring
• Twitter is the ultimate opportunity finder

This story is personally inspiring me, I love growth and building profitable businesses, so I hope you will feel the same energy from it!

Hi,
I have marked most imporant parts as how long I use each meds in what dose, info of me, my questions, supplements used, nootropics thinking of, new meds for panic disorder treatment, plan to quit benzos, advice about Memantine. If you want, there is whole story and treatment:) Thx I have a lifetime nonmedicated ADHD + OCD (will finally have atomoexin in july after like 8 docs) but mainly severe panic disorder since 12/23 caused by badly burning out and not stopping work + too much stress from all sides, mostly family and workspace/company. It started close to xmas and wanted to finish year and worked until my body completely disabled to it to me but right after it came xmas, which is not my fav time of year ending in keeping me in attacks 24/7. Btw Im 29yo man, 193cm, 90kg, sporting, financial advisor self employed, living alone, used to be really busy all the time, multiple addictions behind me mostly because depression (alcohol),pain (kratom) and stimulants bcs its so addictive with adhd :D But I dont abuse anything since 02/23 when I barely survived WD from forced CT a lot of alcohol every day and I want to be healthy and drugs free!
I am currently getting off xanax and on SSRI, starting my new recovery plan below as previous didnt help enough and asking if you know anything that could help me get my full life back sooner I work as I can/want, mostly 2-6 h/day and only from home, going to multiple types of therapy, investing insane money to get recovered and looking for every possible way. I am open for any tip or advice on nootropic, peptide, maybe even SARMs that could help me get over this. Even if you dont have time or dont want to read all previous treatment and new plan and have idea what could help me, write it please. But I have to be careful with anything interacts with SSRI as I will be also on buspar, I have a safe med for serotonin syndrome if needed.. Also if you see gaps or risks in my meds plan, some ideas, useful info or better ways, I will be glad to know it:) Mostly about Memantine - when to use, in which part of protocol it will be most beneficial or what to expect.
I use/tried almost every useful supplement including adaptogens, herbs, expensive vitamins, mushrooms, gotu kola, NAC, tyrosine, inositol and just anything that could be useful + basics use all year. Also have Alpha GPC which made my adhd brain supercomputer before I got beaten but now doesnt work. Tried before noopept and a lot of racetams, idra21 and some more but with no effect and modafinil before with effect, but mostly anxiety, too much concentrating on one thing and severe insomnia.
I am already pretty sure about Agmatine, Sulbutiamine instead of Benfotiamine (any difference?), not sure of Bromantane on ssri (?), 9-me is no go, maybe NALT (?), Theacrine as Im tired from SSRI all the time and too much coffee makes me axnious, maybe Vinpocetine or Uridine triacetate? centrophenoxine? dihexa?
My treatment from december to now:
I had no idea wth is this, told my psychologist what is happening to me and asking many times if its serious and casually replied that is probably from stress. So I treated it as burnout by resting, then removing original causes and triggers, removing problems from my mind and life, reducing stress to minimum, even leaving my pretty good paid job after 9 yers. But nothing helped besides benzos which made me not feel attacks so much and when I went off after 6 weeks, symptoms came back the same day.
I always said no to ADs but this time I didnt see any other option so I got SSRI citalopram 20, later 30mg now 6 weeks, first weeks were hell of anxiety and tiredness, last 2 weeks they help but effect is enough to keep me attack free only at home, outside flat still almost instant PA + side effects are still bad.
Same with benzos now again for 6 weeks afte break from previous cycle, mostly xanax 1,5-2mg a day, when Im home with no problems I can stay on 0,5mg with no WD. But want to quit asap, Im standing on the edge of little discomfort or living hell WDs. Also it makes me dumb, careless and not caring, but dont have cravings or abuse them, until now there was no other medication in my country :/ Also I already had GABA WDs pretty bad from alcohol many times and from phenibut in february by mistake (3 weeks of 2-3x a week before I had benzos). I would rather skip this opportunity to be on boat walking simulator with scary shadowy guy in my bedroom.
Next week I will make a big changes:
Will to add Buspar in small doses to SSRI, probably 30mg citalopram + 2x7,5mg buspar for long term and propranolol over benzos before I leave flat for panic attacks - I have mostly physical symptoms and over these months my brain has learned to go panic mode when I go around people or noise but im not scared, wanting to hide or anxious, want to go out. Hope this will allow me to relearn the BIOS of my brain and body they wont start panicking as it has learned over months of nonstop attack (january until end of april, just moving on scale 1-10 but never off). Propranolon as beta-blocker should not allow my body to go panic defense mode and mental anxiety I can handle now. My mind is still quite ok, not much depressed or in bad mood, last days even thinking a bit sharper and can handle it but body/brain program are stuck. Hope this will allow me over time to get off SSRI to just Buspar + non addictive anxiety aid as needed or at least switch to SNRI or Wellbutrin as im energetic person but with this SSRI im meeeeeeeh all the time.
As propranolon arrives I will cut benzos to lowest dosage where I wont feel WD, probably 0,5mg/day and switch to Clonazepam (have benzos and can ask doc anytime), keep this dose for 2-3 weeks, taper to 0,35mg, wait and this until i go down around 0,2mg/day. Maybe slower if it will be painful or risk worse WDs when i cut them off.
For quitting benzos I have clonidine (WD reduce, camling, ADHD), pregabalin (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure but addictive), baclofen (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure also addictive)), Etifoxine (nonbenzo anxiolytics, I guess mostly PAWS) and Topiramate (seizure and migraine prevention, WD reduce) and Hydroxyzine (sleepy antihistamine nonaddictive) to get off them asap with no risk seizure and suffering for weeks in terrible WDs. I wont use all the aids together but as needed for current symptoms and not get hooked on none of them as only atarax is safe.
Also finally will get ADHD meds atomoxetin, but as I have no energy, even adhd is not so present and clonidine also helps for adhd. And I have found one super special med you will be interested about- Memantine (bgpharm), do you have experiences about this so called miracle drug? It make you feel softly with unlimited brain power, also it shall lower tolerances to almost all substances and by 30-60% over 7-14 days and then make WDs easier + also helps ADHD. But have no idea when to use it in my plan, I got 2 packs and its cheap so can buy more but dont want to mess with getting off bzs and learning to manage going out. Same question with atomoxetin - when to start? its not stimulant so it should not affect attacks nor benzo WD but idk.
Just in case there would be too much serotonin I will have Cyproheptadine for SS. It should not happen from SSRI+Buspiron but some nootropic or WD med can cause it. And just remembered I shall take some ephedrine/yohimbine if my BP or HB goes too slow from propranolon/clonidine... :/
I will still go for checks to doc and psychiatrist but the medical procedures in my country got stuck in time in year when producers of SSRI/benzos gave some gifts for doctors or politics. So they just give you this combo announcing you it will work (didnt) and you wont get addicted in 3 months of xan (would). Also propranolon is not approved med for anxiety in my county, only bzds and buspirone, but after trying several ADs on you :/
Thank you so much for any knowledge you share with me!

After my previous toxic relationship with a covert narcicist, I spent a year without dating to heal myself and reassess my close relationships. I realized how precious it was to have a healthy person in my life, who can be loyal and love me genuinely.
I met him on Christmas night last year. It was his last night in my city, and I just thought that we would have some nice chats, but it turned out to be one of the best nights in my life ever. He was a medical doctor at entrance level. I was impressed by his honesty, authenticity, intelligence and dominance. We talked about various topics that night and didn’t even worry about time until the restaurant staff reminded us. We spent the night together and had an earth shattering love making. He was all I ever wished for.
We continued to talk after he returned to city. There was so much affection and chemistry between us. He liked me for who I am, validated my feelings and never used me. He had healed me on so many levels without knowing it. I thought he had secure attachment style. But soon, it became more difficult, the uncertainty of the relationship, the difference in communication style, work stress (his job is super draining), the helplessness when we couldn’t be with each other… One day he left me waiting for his video call while he fell asleep. I felt like I wasn’t care for and respected so I told him I needed some days, and when I texted back, he said that he couldn’t stand this and wanted to stop. I told him that his feelings for me and my feelings for him did matter and wished him a good life.
I tried to cope with the sadness and depression of not having him. I had some trips, met new people, but I couldn’t forget him and the feelings I had for him was very intense and I didn't want to have relationship with anyone else. However, I accepted what it was and I didn’t reach out to him at all. I genuinely wished him find a good life partner.
I was surprised when he reached out to me almost 2 months later, and I turned him down as I wanted to have a committed relationship instead of a casual thing. After one week I realized it was too difficult for me to be without him, and texted him back. I told him that we need to have life compatibility and close the distance in order to maintain a relationship. He said that it was difficult but he thought possible. I just needed that sentence from him. The text next days full of affection and he texted me more regularly than last time, I also learnt to focus on my life and stay calm between texts. We mostly had surface checking in message so I was happy when he shared with me his challenge at work for the first time. We were more open to each other after that, but shortly after that he stopped texting me back and went silent for 3 days, even he agreed with me that he would send me a heads up if he needed time instead of just disappearing. I didn’t reach out to him and waited. Then he came back with a casual “Hi babe how are you” and 2 hours later, a breaking up text and blocked me. He said that he didn’t see a future between us and his career just got in the way of knowing me. He believed that I wanted to find someone to settle down permanently soon and he didn’t want to waste my valuable valuable time, he said he was very sorry.
I am heartbroken. I knew he needed both companionship and sex, he had strong feelings to me too but this is too difficult for him. While I was grounded and committed, he was spontaneous and had fear of commitment.
I can wait for him but I see that this long distance relationship is challenging. And I long for being adored and loved by someone next to me, being able to text anytime I want without having to fear of putting stress on them. But for him, I love him for who he is and he inspired me a lot. I don’t want to lose someone like him. Should I keep the door open for him if he ever comes back?
TLDR: I met a decent man once last year we had an on off long distance relationship. He had ended it twice suddenly. Should I keep the door open if he ever comes back?

In 2010, I was facing felony charges for distribution of drugs. I was a drug addict. Hook line and sinker. But never admitted that to myself. My drug of choice? Anything I could get my hands on. Cocaine, ecstasy, weed, Xanax, Oxycontin, ciggys, alcohol, ativan, seroquil, spice, mushrooms.. You name it.
Desperately wanting to avoid prison time, I did whatever I could to turn my life around. The potential pain in carrying on was too great to tolerate. This was my rock bottom.
I enrolled in college, started working out every day, got rid of any "friends" that wanted to continue that lifestyle.
And quitting my daily drug use?
It wasn't a factor. I was too scared. I was willing to do anything to escape my prison sentence so I dropped them all without looking back. I was lucky. Lucky I had hit rock bottom. Lucky that everything collapsed around me. I needed a push and this was it.
Apparently the judge saw that I was making real change and I was able to avoid prison. I was slapped with a couple of felonies, fines, and drug and rehab classes.
Having felonies on my record was hard. I couldn't get a decent job. Even Walmart was excited to hire me, but then rejected me because of my record. I knew that I had turned a new leaf. I just needed someone to see that I was changed now.
Luckily, I found a family that needed help with their special needs kid.
I worked for them for long enough to get my felonies reduced and expunged off my record.
When hard drugs turn into soft drugs.
I thought I was "drug free" because I had stopped all illegal drugs. But soon I found myself consuming copious amounts of caffeine in order to lose weight and get "Jacked". You see, I found a passion for natural bodybuilding and Jiu-Jitsu around 2011.
I consumed endless content on how to lose body fat so I could finally get a six pack. A lot of YouTubers at the time were promoting pre-workouts like Jack3d. Which also had another stimulant called 1,3 dimethylamylamine - or DMAA. Which was banned after it had become known to be problematic.
So there I was, taking Jack3d, working out, and trying to figure out how to get a six pack. I hired the same coaches that my favorite YouTuber Matt Ogus had. 3DMuscleJourney. I got very serious with Diet and training.
When I started with 3DMuscleJourney in 2012, I had been working out for a solid year. I had gotten down to 195lbs from 215. Not a huge difference. And I had put on a good amount of Muscle in that time.
3DMuscleJourney taught me and guided me on how to train effectively while dieting and how to diet efficiently by tracking macros. But my preworkout and caffeine use had spiked up 1,500mg a day. I used caffeine as a substitute for food. After 12 weeks, I was down to 160lbs.
I was fit by any person's definition. My new found glory would soon collapse as my caffeine and DMAA use caught up to me. I started having bad shoulder pain, my joints were achy and cracky, popping every time I moved. I started stretching and doing mobility exercises but the pain in my body only got worse. I was unable to sleep. I would have fits of rage followed by lows of doubt and depression.
Then, I broke. I was no longer able to exercise because of the pain. I started eating more to see if it would help my joints. I quickly gained 30lbs. Probably within only a few weeks. I ended my coaching and started to slip back towards the abyss
That's when I figured out that caffeine and DMAA were both a huge problem.
I had been consuming caffeine my whole life. But never thought twice about it. It was a legal substance that a kid could go buy in a vending machine. How bad could it be? Broken, I decided to quit.
I was quickly able to cut out DMAA. But every attempt at quitting caffeine left me in so much pain that I would quickly rationalize going back to it. I never made it past two weeks.
Why was this harder than quitting all of those harder drugs?
I guess decades of using a softer drug still carves out some pretty steep ravines in your reward pathway. Caffeine was my last vice. Or so I thought..
I read the book "Caffeine Blues". This book explained that caffeine is not healthy in any way. It is a stimulant that causes your body to break down over time just like any drug. The book outlined some of the negatives associated with caffeine.

• Poor sleep, even if you didn't consume caffeine close to bedtime
• Joint pain from increased muscle tension.
• Poor vitamin and mineral absorption.
• Energy crashes and mood swings.
• Irritability.
• Psychosis.
• Masking negatives of caffeine with drugs and alcohol.

The list goes on. This was crazy. The book recommended tapering off of caffeine. While I was able to wean down to 300-600 most days. I couldn't get myself to fully commit. I started to look for some help.
Maybe I needed something to give me energy and focus while I quit?
I started to look at "Nootropics" to help me focus. I tried a large variety of them.

• Noopept
• Modafinil
• Piracetam
• Aniracetam
• L-Theanine
• Phenibu
• Kratom
• Nicotine
• A large variety of other supplements.

Non of this helped me quit caffeine. I soon realized that these legal "Performance enhancers" were just drugs. With their own highs and lows. And negative effects over time. I ended up quitting all of this after a year.
It was back to the drawing board.
Around the end of 2015, I ended up doing a 3 month or so long caffeine taper. Using caffeine powder and a mg scale I bought off Amazon. The plan was slow and steady. 1-2mg per day. I didn't want to notice my caffeine levels were dropping. After about a month under 25mg, I started feeling great.
My joints felt great, Arizona heat was more comfortable, I craved healthy food and exercise, I slept like a baby, the list goes on. I had raised my testosterone levels from 320ng/dL to 575ng/dL.
But then, just as I finally let go of caffeine. There was a surprise. A curve ball that would change my life forever.
The boy who lived...
My first child was to be born. The 24 hours in the hospital was an introduction to the lack of sleep I would face over the next few years. I caved..
One or two cups of coffee later, my son was born, and a new cycle of baby wake me up > being tired > caffeine to get me through the day > poor quality sleep > baby wake me up had begun.
I got got even more dependent on caffeine. I could no longer just take a nap whenever I wanted. I was a mess. Feeling like shit, with high stress, I also started drinking alcohol and smoking weed again. My testosterone levels plummeted down to 275ng/dL.
Great move dad..
I wanted to get healthy again. I started reading books about health, nutrition, meditation, etc. I wanted to attack this problem from multiple angles. I started eating a plant-based diet, meditating, exercising, taking ice baths, etc. I quit alcohol and weed again. Tapering my caffeine down below 100mg again.
I was starting to feel better. Even got my testosterone levels all the way up to 575ng/D
The girl who lived..
Sorry about the Harry Potter references...
Just when I thought it was over, another curve ball to my health goals. Something that would start the lack of sleep cycle all over again.
You guessed it.. another child! This time, there was a baby girl in my house. This new baby came with new challenges. Our daughter was born with cataracts. She had to have surgery at around 3 months old to get them removed. So not only did we have to deal with the lack of sleep stress again, and boy did she excel in that area, we had to deal with putting contacts in a baby...
Imagine a grown man squeezing their fist closed. And you have to delicately open up their fist, and place a sticky note on their palm without bending the paper. And the grown man is also having a seizure at the same time. Also, you haven't slept a quality night of sleep for weeks.
Needless to say, but I'm going to say it, our stress levels shot through the roof. We had new worries and fears about our daughter's condition and the caffeine cycle ramped back up again. All while trying to focus on my new career in IT and raising our other child.
Testosterone Replacement Therapy
I think sometime early 2023, a friend told me he was on Testosterone replacement therapy (TRT). I knew my low test levels were due to stress, caffeine use, lack of sleep, belly fat, poor eating habits, etc. But I was desperate for some edge that would help me finally quit caffeine and get healthy again.
I thought, if I can use Testosterone to help me get healthy, then I can get off of it later and not suffer any consequences.
Boy was I wrong
TRT did give me more drive and gusto to get stuff done. It also made me work harder than my body wanted. I started getting more back pain from harder weightlifting session, I actually started doing more caffeine, and even weed again. I was like 6 years clean from weed at this point.
This made me over confident. Like I could handle anything, which led to poor decisions. I felt like a horny teenager and it made it hard to focus. I started masturbating furiously..
After 4 months stabbing myself in the ass, and draining my life essence, I decided to quit TRT cold turkey. I knew this wasn't what I needed.
Withdrawals from TRT were bearable. I had waves of depression, lack of energy, etc. But I got through it. I'll probably get my levels tested again soon. As I write this, I have been off of TRT for 12 months now.
I leaned more heavily on caffeine while I was coming off of TRT. My current levels are around 400mg per day. But tapering off is my primary focus. Or maybe I should try cold turkey again? Not sure how I can afford to be a useless zombie for weeks while I have a full time job and 2 kids to look after.
"Semen retention" and NoFap
For years, I had made half ass attempts at doing No Fap and quitting porn. The benefits claimed by people who have tried it are:

• Increased energy
• Vigor
• Willpower
• Can function on less sleep
• Increased confidenc
• Better focus and concentration
• Muscle growth
• Increased Libido

I started to read some books about the topic. This big two were "Your Brain on Porn" and "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow". These books took a more Science-based approach. There were also a couple books that were a little off tilt such as "Bliss of the Celibate" and "Why You Should Never Masturbate". These books included a lot of hokey about chakras and religion.
I never made it passed two weeks.
After TRT, I decided to give it a real go. NoFap/ Semen retention felt like my final try at getting an "edge". I lasted over a month. Just around the 3 week mark, I had felt the same benefits of TRT without all of the negatives. I also learned, that you have to be all in.
Any sexual thoughts had to be banished. Just think of something else. If you entertain lust at all, you will fail. Stay off social media where you may run into soft porn, which can start the spiral that leads you to porn, etc.
I was able to control my caffeine intake finally, my sleep was better, my wife was more attracted to me, I was more patient with the kids. I finally found the answer.
But then, I relapsed. And lost sight of the benefits. I had forgotten.
Slowly everything started slipping again. With small nofap stints here and there never lasting more than two weeks.
As I write this, I am realizing that caffeine was never my problem. It was a symptom of something else. I am currently on day 6 of retention and have made it my number one priority again. I need to remember this. I need my edge back.
The journey continues..
Life is full of ups and downs. And decisions you make (good or bad) compound over time. I know all of the positive effort, and commitment to personal development has paid off over time. Even though it may have been slower than I had hoped.
This story leaves out a lot. But I'd love to have a conversation with anyone who has had similar struggles. I have been going at this alone. I can only imagine how much more growth there can be surrounding yourself with like-minded individual
Ta Ta for Now.

Hey guys,
I suffer from generally diffuse thinning in the DHT-sensitive zone, however other than widow's peak and barely my crown I caught it early and treating it with topical minoxidil and finasteride both on a daily basis. However, I would like to fix up my hairline which should be about 1500-2000 grafts. I think I can treat my crown with prp and medication for now.
So I would want a surgeon who does good and especially natural work, will give me a proper hairline but also take into account that my donor supply is limited and I may need further surgeries in the future. Preferably cheap of course.
I have seen some impressive from Dr Boudine Lohlun at the Hairfront in South Africa, any experiences with her? Any other recommendations?
Thanks everyone.

I have been watching "creepy" YouTube for many years now (missing person cases, creepy websites, unexplained phenomena etc) and recently saw this video on the YouTube commentator picsmics4: https://youtu.be/PDVOaAKaMfg?si=HukZXo3LZICi7NuZ and it made me once again look for a similar mystery on YouTube, which I searched for several times over the last few years:
It was about a commentator in a YouTube comment-section of a music video (what the topic of the video actually was I am not certain, I am only 50% sure it actually was a music video) who posted thousands of confusing and unconnected comments. They sometimes read like it was one half of a chat-log (for example writing something like: "Yes, I remember that." without apparently replying to anyone) but way more disjointed and wordy than a real chat-log of a normal person would be.
I remember the mystery was presented in a kind of compilation video of YouTube/Internet mysteries and it stuck with me. especially now that I can't find it anymore and nobody ever seemed to discuss it anywhere else.
I am searching for either a/the video discussing this YouTube mystery, a forum-post discussing this or the original YouTube comment section where this occurred.
Again it's NOT about the picsmics4-case, it's just very similar. But picsmics4 turned out to be kinda wholesome in a way, while the one I am searching for was way more eerie.
Thanks!

Tiny mentioned on stream the other day that we need to start cooking up some strategies for tearing apart common talking points we might run into. Figured I'd kick it off with this thread - dont care about I/P or anti lefty stuff so going to focus on election rhetoric
Talking Points for the Election

1. What has Biden done?

We cant use this much at home but if someone whips this out in a talk with Destiny this is probably one of the biggest slam dunks he can get. A professional political commentator openly admitting they haven't kept up with the latest legislation is damning, and it gets a followup - "If you actually followed what was happening you might've known that the policy you said you loved so much with Trump was actually put into practice by Biden" (China tariffs are a huge win for Joe)

1. Senility

The first response to this is always to call it theater. If they push, you pivot this into "If he's senile then why is everything going right?". This is a big point for destiny - you *have* to stop pivoting away from "do you even like biden?" to "wait but trump is worse." Biden has genuine positives you should be leaning on, and at this point people are good at people picking up on that particular pivot so it often ends up looking very political and potentially dishonest. Its especially important to bring up the wins that are bipartisan or that have appealed to any of the versions of the republican party over the last 20 years

1. Immigration

I notice Destiny generally avoids asking questions in arguments because he thinks it can lose for rhetorical reasons, but this is a spot I think it works really well - you lead in with "What issue do you have with Biden's immigration policy?" and when they follow up with one of their halfbaked answers you cut them off with "no no no, whats your issue with *Biden*'s immigration policy?". The point is you want to direct the conversation to the bill thats currently on the floor of congress and either A) fuck them for not knowing about the bill or B) win the back and forth on what you like or dont like about the bill

1. Wokeness

Tiny's been doing great on this topic lately, downplaying the role of college students and throwing a few zingers to show how stupid it is to base political discourse off some suped up 18 year old. The broader followup to make here is you want to make it clear to the audience that you think the democratic party is moving away from immigration and woke. Having this observation aired is so insanely strong among neutral / conservative audiences its almost criminal not slip it in somehow. Destiny's already has it is in arsenal to mention how the far left hasn't seemed to infiltrate the actual democratic party very far, however I think he can be much stronger on this point and you can use the recent immigration bill to group that in here as well

1. "Trump came up with it first!"

Yea but you need an adult to put it into practice. Easy shot. Using rhetoric to consistently frame trump as juvenile or incompetent is super important, and it works x10 if you slip it in on a separate point (because they cant respond to both your point and your insinuation)

1. "But people clearly like the guy!"

The most piers morgan take you can get, takes some tact but you should be able to turn this into your favor by slipping in a "well people like a lot of dumb shit" and then go into a longer point either about celebrity worship or about how the dont focus on policy. Potential TMZ zinger here? Also, when you do this dont say republicans, say "The trump movement" or something similar. Simple word change to make it appeal to tradcons

1. You're just saying that to be a contrarian!

This goes for any point where they try to come up with a background reason for what you're saying. I remember this specifically happening in the candace debate, but it comes up all the time. This is an opportunity because it actually gives you a chance to frame your position in your own words. I'll get into this more in the optics section but pivoting this into "No, I believe this because I've always believed in [good thing]" or "No I believe it because I've read [relevant document] and I found the evidence compelling / hard to deny".

1. Ukraine - Isolationism / The libertarian position

"Just ignore the world until its on your doorstep". Easy zingers here
Content / "Optics" Analysis for Mr. Tiny

1. Clips & Breakdowns

We just had a post this week asking for Destiny to do video essays - that shit's stupid, but its the right energy and a good litmus test for what people are looking for. The way Destiny makes this work is by taking the explanations he already does on stream - you know, when someone asks him a good question in chat and he does the little drawings - and [aieifndc] that into a machine. First step is to approach it correctly - dont wait for the good question to be asked. Come in to the stream ready to launch into an explanation on immigration, I/P, trump lawsuits, vaccine conspiracies, etc. When you find what you want, clip it and edit it either into 8 minutes for youtube or 15s for tiktok and let the algo gods do their thing. You make high quality content because you're generally knowledgeable on the topics at hand - lean on that, the higher quality your explanation the more likely someone's going to share it to their friends

1. Topic Selection

We have a number of opinions we believe, which of those opinions do we lean on to serve me best in this conversation? This is the main game you play if you're ever trying to be smart *and& honest about talking politics. For Destiny this means - younger audiences you lean on anti-conspiracies and avoid I/P, for boomers you focus on bipartisan issues and interest rates, for rightwingers and libertarians mention the guns you have and talk about how much you love america.

1. Positive Optics - Research Streams and dunking on Conspiracy Theorists

Tuning into a destiny stream to see that he brought two lawyers on to read through the latest trump case earned an unbelievable amount of respect for him in my head, I bring it up every time he comes and people are rightfully impressed - this is positive optics. Many aspects of Destiny's day to day work are incredibly impressive and a breath of fresh air to the average joe learning about his work, nearly every American is going to have respect for the guy who actually reads the bills and court cases he's talking about. So yeah, mention that shit more.
Destiny completely underestimates how crucial his takes on conspiracies are right now. When my uncle brings up voting machines or bats in China, I have no idea what to say - Destiny does. You see that big write up I did for talking points about the election? *Nobody* has the anti-conspiracy version of that talking point list - except Destiny. Voters under 26 dont give a fuck about the economy or healthcare, give them ammo to fire at the nutjob on the other end of the dinner table and they'll be willing to look past whatever stupid slur crusade you're on this week.

1. Chummy Buddies :)

"I dont see any possible argument for trump so Im really curious what Ben comes up with here" is possibly the only time I've seen Destiny tip into the most powerful rhetorical tactic of all time - camaraderie. When you kick off with some mildmannered joshing around, you give the impression you're just a couple of reasonable guys who happen to disagree on key topics. Americans splurge at even the idea of that scenario. The Trump supporter guy on the piers morgan appearances tries this approach a lot, and he's a good example of it - often makes concessions to Destiny's points in an effort to seem palatable & visibly laughs at a lot of oneliners from Destiny and Piers. It also throws the opponents off sometimes, because they feel like they cant get as combative when you're being friendly. Its also a good tactic in 2v2 debates, if it looks like you're super friendly with one of the two the other one comes off poorly

1. Hedging on I/P

"Hey listen I know its a contentious topic, I understand why people feel the way they do but from digging more into the topic its just really a lot more complicated from how it looks on the surface"

1. The Next Research

Pretty clear to me that Tiny was a bit disappointed by how shallow the immigration topic was, but this was the wrong perspective on it. Turns out, most of the crucial election topics are this simple. The only hard ones (I/P and the lawsuits) have already been covered. So if you make a big lineup of election topics there's good odds you're done with it by August - Economy, geopolitics, climate change, CHIPS act. I've noticed economics is something especially Destiny tries to toe around, interest rate stuff really isnt that complicated but hey maybe worth bringing Noah Smith on Bridges to help out (he's literally just written a piece on the economic arguments for Biden)

1. Bridges

Milking guests for followup guests. Sometimes you can just directly ask them who'd be a good fit, but its also just a generally good question to ask "Who are the prominent figures in the field right now?" "What books should be people be reading up on if they want to dive deeper?" (And then contact the author). For science and art features its always good to ask about recent work - "Is there any cool research you've seen in the past year or so that the public should be excited about?"

1. Commit to a position! State it clearly!

David Pakman's really good about this - he has a firm stance and he'll keep reiterating it throughout a conversation. Destiny OTOH tends to continuously circle around a conversation by adding evidence and making points - this is important, but if you dont state your point as well then it looks like you're avoiding giving an answer and people become confused on what your position is. The other thing is if people dont have a clear answer on what you believe, they'll start inferring it from the rest of the conversation - they have to guess, and that guess will never be favorable to you. A lot of conservative commentators *have* to circle the point because they dont have a position to stick to, there's no reason for Destiny to be doing it (and should be nailing the conservatives who rely on this tactic)
Thats all I got for now. Sorry in advance if there's any typos

Pri’Darya, Alcoranth Male, Pirate Captain
Oh where did it all go wrong? Me crew is dead, and my boy was brutally murdered.
In this void of sensation, I am only left with my thoughts. That stun baton has completely paralyzed me, and I know I’m being taken to a cryopod for holding, so I may as well dwell on my thoughts.
Was it taking the job where we messed up? No, I don’t think so. It was probably the bait. It worked too well. We caught too big of a Trorish.
I sigh internally as I can feel them lifting me up somewhere.
And we had such a good plan too. Well it wasn’t my plan, it was my boy’s plan. To send out a drone ship with a fake weapon system as a decoy so we can sneak up on them, it worked so well that they actually thought it was us.
I can feel them placing me down on a soft platform as a shadow seems to begin looming over me.
That Altrin girl could have gone for a pretty credit if we got her, but what the hells was that rifle she was using? I thought a fully automatic BYR was impossible due to the recoil and explosive payloads. But that white… whatever she was… She is completely terrifying. I thought she would just sell for a lot more since she kept her fur in good condition, so I thought she was just an assistant to that Altrin girl. Never in me life, would I expect a pretty girl like that to be so… terrifyingly deadly.
The air begins to turn cold.
Ah, I’m out of time to think… At least wherever I end up, I hope I don’t see that white furred girl again.
Cerelia, Altrin Female, Captain of The Opal Star
I sigh as we finish escorting the remaining crew to their quarters or work quarters, taking in consideration to take longer routes around the ship to avoid bodies that we haven’t had time to clean up yet. There were a few crewmembers we had to either escort back to their work areas or to communal areas due to bodies that we couldn’t avoid.
It’s going to be a long few days…
My attention is grabbed by my wrist data pad as I get a call from Triwt.
“Hey, Triwt, how are things going on your end?” I ask with a tiredness in my voice as I’ve been awake for roughly 13 or so hours now.
“Well, we’ve managed to move the majority of the bodies. Galactic Law doesn’t allow for spacing bodies.”
“It would be an easier clean up if we could.”
“Yes, but we still have to obey the law.”
We both sigh at the same time while I use my other hand to rub my face, trying to make my exhaustion go away with such a pointless attempt.
“Right, right…” I sigh again before continuing to speak, “Anyways, I’m setting up an autopilot course to take us to Verglas.”
“Verglas?”
“Yeah, sending you the information now.”
There’s a moment of silence from Triwt before she speaks, “You’re kidding me, right?”
“I wish I was.”
“An ice covered planet?
“Mhm.”
“Known to snow almost all the time?”
“Yes, but the cities and spaceport are built around a natural heat signature.”
“... You’re lucky I have a snow coat and that I have fur, but my fur isn’t really good at keeping out the cold.”
I hear her sigh on her end before I chime in.
“Wanna go meet up at Med Bay 07? Check in on Jordan?”
“Jordan? My my, Captain I didn’t know you were interested in him where you're already shortening his name.”
“It’s not like that! He said it was weird to hear everyone saying his ‘full name’ and prefers being called by his ‘first name’.” I huff in slight annoyance and embarrassment.
“Ah okay, does that mean we should all refer to him as Jordan then?”
“I believe so if that’s what he wishes.”
I mean I felt special when he wanted me to call him Jordan, but oh well.
“Okay, I’ll see you there, Cerelia.”

I slowly walk down the hall. It’s been quarantined due to the fact that there’s still blood and bullets on the walls and floor of the corridor. It seems that the trail of blood from Jordan has gone from red to more of a brownish black color.
I look up at a sign in the hallway that reads, “MEDICAL ROOM 07” which I smirk a little.
I always find it funny that despite it being a medical room, everyone calls it a Med Bay. I wonder where that name for it came from.
“Hey Triwt, I’m here-” I cut myself off as before me in the room is Triwt, Lys, and every crew member from the compromised safe room. Well all except for R’dorn.
I’m glad that prick isn’t here, but I wasn’t expecting everyone else to be here.
“Oh uh, hey everyone. Are we all here to see, Jordan Cores?”
Lys nods and speaks up, “Yes, and Triwt did inform us about his name preference. It’s a little bit weird, but we can do it if it’s what he wishes.”
I admit, I was almost a little bit annoyed that others were calling him Jordan now, but I have to let that emotion go for now as I’m here to see how he’s recovering, not to try and be an overprotective mother. I nod and walk over to the stasis regeneration tube as I look inside.
Part of me is glad that his arms and hands have already been fixed, but…
Not everything is going to be truly healed 100%.
I think to myself as I can see the formations of scars on his skin tissue. I noticed it the first time, but I don’t think he noticed it himself when he woke up after his first big injury. His wrists and knuckles are the most scarred, due to probably when he was punching that orange Alcoranth, but his wrists are from when he broke out of his restraints when we first found him.
Not the best memory to think back on… It hasn’t even been a full day yet. Oh, and where is Jordan going to sleep?
I then slowly bring myself to look at his face, which is almost finished healing. There’s a scar on his chin and a scar leading to under his right ear where the shot left his head. It’s not a major scar except for the entrance and exit wounds, but it’s still somewhat noticeable. If anything the white tissue of the scars make it stand out against his [tan] skin.
If only we had some higher grade Stasis Regeneration Tubes, maybe we could heal those scars as well… All we can do now is wait…
Jordan Cores, Human Male, Part-Time Security Worker
I take in a deep breath, gasping for air as I sit straight up in a cold sweat, holding onto my face and chest. My heart beats quickly and I sit there panting. I quickly check myself to make sure I’m not missing any body parts or anything.
“That is not an okay feeling!” I say aloud before shuddering.
It’s hard to describe how it feels to be in pain, everything slightly red in my vision, I was hearing my own heart thumping in my chest all the while I couldn’t hear out of my right ear, and then in the blink of an eye everything is fine, there’s no more pain just the sensation that something is missing while sitting on a bed of some sort surrounded by aliens.
Oh right the aliens.
OH RIGHT THE ALIENS
I turn my head and look around me, and while I’m a little panicked, I’m able to calm down as most of them are sitting further back or standing near the walls. The only ones closer to me are Lys, Cerelia, and I think the white snake lady is Triwt if I remember correctly.
“Um… good morning?” I ask nervously as I look around the room. “Is it even morning?”
“No, it’s technically the middle of the night, Jordan.” Cerelia says as she puts her paw on my head and rubs my hair like my parents used to when I was younger. “But, we all wanted to be sure you would be fine when waking up and it would be cruel to leave you alone when waking up. That, and these crewmembers wanted to express their thanks for protecting them. Though, hopefully next time it won’t be such a violent display.”
“S-Sorry, I wasn’t really thinking when that happened.”
“To be fair you were shot in the head. I think they were more scared that you seemingly came back to life.”
“Y-Yeah… Uh, if it’s okay, can I maybe say hi to them then?” I ask, peering around her shoulder to look at the other crew members. She nods and steps to the side as a line forms of aliens who want to speak to me.

I never expected to spend the next 20 minutes receiving thanks from complete strangers, aliens nonetheless, but it was still nice. I also apologized if I potentially scared them for what they saw me do.
Also aliens apparently hug. A lot.
That would probably explain why Cerelia was petting my head as well…
The last person I expected to approach me was Triwt.
She slithered up to me and offered me one of her four hands, which I accepted, gently shaking it before she pulled me into a hug like the last 13 people did. After a few seconds she lets me go.
“Jordan, since you will probably be with us for a while, could I potentially offer you a job while you are on this ship?”
“H-Huh? A job?”
Triwt, Female Valis-Trobat Hybrid, Security Commander
I try to stay focused on giving Jordan this job offer, but something is really distracting me, especially with our upcoming destination of Verglas.
Goddess, he is super warm…
And that is Chapter 10! I know it's probably a bit more on the boring side, but it's to try and set up our trip to Verglas (which is a thin coating of ice on a rock. Ice Rock. Ice Planet)! I really liked the suggestions of an ice planet so thats where we're heading. Major Cities and spaceports are built on natural heat signatures which cause a lot of natural hot springs (ooo fun!). Also for our theorizers, no, Pri'Darya will not be recurring, I just wanted to give him a name and their side of things in the aftermath.
Also it's time for Jordan to finally get a job! It hasn't been a full day and Triwt wants him on her team! This also means I can have an excuse for him to be around Lys and Cerelia more often. That being said, does Jordan get his own room, or does he have to bunkbed with somebody?
First Prev Next

Mark as you can tell the situation at work has been growing increasingly more tense day by day. You have expressed concern with my performance, I have been making attempts to improve. Yet I see a lack of concern with the issues I have expressed to you. At the moment of writing this latter I have been operating for 2 months with Frank and Devin as members of my WR team. I have expressed concern about having Mike taken away from WR before this has become “the norm”. As you know he is a valuable team member due to the knowledge he accumulated from working with the company for a long period of time. I found it acceptable for Jack to barrow him on an occasion for help when needed (now I understand that perhaps I have been way to linnet when it comes to this). You have expressed that there were days when you had only 3 team members (perhaps you were including yourself in the count). I can see how complaining about a lack of team members for 2-4 days can seem childish, 1 week can be written off as an unfortunate set of circumstances (maybe there is an audit coming up, maybe a higher up visitor from the company). At 2 weeks this begins to raise some concern (perhaps the buys season is upon us and we are training up new team members that we just hired). 3 weeks a MONTH is getting very frustrating (at this point all kinds of explanations are rapidly deteriorating). One would begin to ask himself “why has this been happening for so long?” or “Am I being taken advantage off”. I see the XDock team expand, I see yours and Bella’s team expand, but there isn’t even a whisper of my team expanding or even returning to the usual size. I have been working as a Supervisor and a Bagger with no compensation for the fact that I am preforming a job 2 people. It is only now that my base pay has risen 10 cents above what is offered to new team members who join with no experience. There are people on 1st shift making 22.50$/hr. Working 3rd shift should have a significantly larger compensation (working 3rd is unnatural, not only dose it derail a person’s day to day life, but it is also more stressful). You wouldn’t want nor be able to work 3rd shift. (As a man with a family) At the same time whilst I’m down a team member you have made strides to expand my responsibility as a supervisor (I understand where you are coming from, the buys season is here, the workload for everyone has expanded, you are not able to complete tasks leftover by me or anyone else) But I believe that the timing of this is wrong, you should not have thrown more responsibly on me as a supervisor while I’m already doing the workload of 2 people for a prolonged period of time. I would like to remind you that unlike Bella or Tim I didn’t spend 1-2 weeks shadowing a person in this position. I was thrusted into working as Supervisor with no prior training. You have taken time to show me how to bill out SunSets, kick out an empty flatbed, call in a compactor exchange etc… But learning a task is better done in person (what I mean is this should be done when I can see it happen, not a hypothetical scenario of billing out a flatbed which I never see picked up, I see what I’m supposed to do on my end but I can’t tell if it is done correctly because I have no interaction with a person on the other end) All the tasks like billing out a partial pallet or Dock 69/72, which involve using AniTa(which is outdated and not intuitive program) should be in a binder as a step by step guide for a new or existing supervisors as a reference point .(Like we have done with Sunset, and PRA allocations). I feel that there is a lack of understanding when it comes to expectations. I am held to the same standards as 1st and 2nd shift whilst having a considerably worse team and less resources. What I mean by less resources? I am not completely sure how accurate my information is, but during 3rd shift the number of departments that are operational is cut in half, I believe that there is us the WR, Xdock, Block and Bagging. For a long period of time, we didn’t have a maintenance team (now that we have CJ it is better, but there are still nights when we have issues and he is nowhere to be found, you can ask Scott from bagging about this). We didn’t have a Yard horse driver until recently (although we do have one now, the WR is always last on his priority list, there have been nights where move on a Sunset has been put in before I even got here and wasn’t touched all night) In general, there is a feeling that WR is not important in comparison to other areas on the plant. We are the ones who have to give up the things that we have to others, be it team members, lifts, access to assistance from maintenance team, we always seem to come last. What I mean by a considerably worse team? Me and you had a conversation about this outside couple of months ago. I believe I used an expression “I am given everyone’s bad Appels but expected to make orange juice” I believe you laughed when I said that maybe you didn’t understand what I meant. First Mike while he is useful and knowledgeable when it comes to Bagging, he is very difficult to work with. He has gone from one site to another because of that reason. He drags his feet when asked to do something, or avoids doing it all together, or assigns other team members to do the tasks for him. He leaves the plant without letting me know to complete other tasks instead of cleaning. Recently with him coming to stay 10:30pm-12:00am to join his brother outside he has gotten even worse. He will come and spent 30 minutes talking to Devin then to Rob then to other team members, he might complete 1 bagging load. When asked to do anything else he takes a 10-minute break by that time it is already 11:40pm and he leaves. (At this point I would rather not have him here; he would be way more useful if he was outside taking mulch pallets left by 2nd shift or Clamp Hand Staking on Xdock). Second Frank. We had many conversations about him and his performance. To give you credit you have been very tolerant of him and when asked you did help(example being the new cameras, potential improvement coming to the Pallet Sorter). I have spoken to you about him falling asleep for 2-5 seconds at a time. I believe that I have told you that he expressed to me that he is suffering from Narcolepsy (A chronic sleep disorder that causes overwhelming drowsiness). We have already seen consciences of that. Most of his accidents involving the Forklift were caused by it. There were multiple times when he has been kicked of the lift for weeks on Xdock. I see this as a very dangerous situation not only for him but the safety of other team members, yet I have not seen any attempts to get this addressed. (He could fall asleep, fall down and hit his head on something) He has been sleeping before heading home as a safety measure to prevent himself from getting into an accident (I believe that’s why he had issues with his previous vehicle and doesn’t wish the same thing to happen to his new one). Devin. I am satisfied with him. He has good communication skills; he completes the tasks assigned to him in a reasonable amount of time. He has expressed to me that he is looking for other jobs (more in the tech sector to match his education). We have been fortunate that he hasn’t left us yet. I have been doing my very best to teach him how to preform different tasks, but I strongly believe that we are starting to push him too far. Now that we don’t have Mike and I have to run the bagging plant. Devin had to step up to pallet sorting during Franks lunch everyday (previously we had a rotation between me, Mike and, Devin). He has been a very good team member but I believe that he had picked up some bad habits primarily from Mike . Recently when I asked him to give me a hand with a clan up in bagging he has avoided coming, and began taking breaks to postpone it until I had no choice to do it all alone (whilst I might have been upset with him at the moment I understood that he has already been doing a lot) Backhallers. They are not backhallers they are Xdock team members which Jack uses to do backhalls. They might complete 4-6 backhalls in a given amount of time, but if Jack needs them for something else they have to do the work he assigns them (because there is an understating that Xdock work is more important). When I ask them to do something they don’t take me seriously unlike you and Bella I have almost no authority over them. If I ask them complete a task and Jack askes them to do something else they have to listen to him as his authority supersedes my (same if you asked me to do something nut if Neel asked me to do something else I would have to listen to him). Between running the bagger and keeping an eye on Frank and Devin and doing the clean up I have no time to watch over them, I have no way of reprimanding them if they do something wrong, but yet I am held accountable for the actions of people I have no power to influence. I can see how I can come off aggressive in this letter, but I am trying to communicate my frustrations with the current state of affairs. This is not an attack on you mark. The only reason I haven’t walked away from this, is out of my respect for you and understanding how difficult of a situation I would be putting the WR plant in. I often find myself asking one question. Why did you make me a supervisor and not someone else? (As I recall Mike was offered this position too). Maybe you chose me because of my good work at the Pallet Sorter, maybe because of my communication skills. But now I find myself pulled by the thought that in me you saw an individual who would do more for less, a sucker who is fine getting pushed around and will do more than what he is getting paid for. Perhaps I am wrong to think in this manner, but as time goes on and I see no attempts to improve this situation I grow increasing more frustrated.

I'm on mobile and English is my second language. I think I just need to vent and I don't really have anyone irl to talk to so I'm writing here, because sometimes it's easier to tell strangers.
So I've recently moved into my own place for the first time ever. Up until January, I lived at home. I'm 30 years old and never really had to take care of myself the way you have to when you're on your own, my parents needed to eat so they made food for me to, the laundry was gonna get done anyway so they washed my things to etc.
Obviously I helped, but it wasn't like up to me to get stuff done. Now it is, and I'm discovering that I have a very difficult time getting things done. I had dishes piled up in the sink for weeks, cleaning if a fork every now and then to have something to eat with. My dad came by one day when I wasn't home and did all the dishes for me, I felt so embarrassed. Grateful, but embarrassed. I'm a 30 year old woman, I should be able to do stuff on my own, but it's like there is this wall in my brain that's just like "No".
I have no trouble doing tasks that is given to me at the unemployment thing (we have different programmes, I'm in one right now, I've had to do administrative stuff, I glued a book together and done some create jobs as well, they are testing what you're good at to help you find a job), but when I come home, it's like my brain stops functioning. I have medical conditions and depression that makes me extra tired, but I feel like doing the dishes shouldn't be as hard as it is. Well it's not just the dishes, it's the cooking as well, and cleaning. The laundry is a little troublesome to, because I have to go down to the washroom and book a time, but once I finally get of my arse and do that, I'm very good at keeping that appointment, and I usually stay in the laundry room, reading a book while I wait between the loads. Then I just never unpack the laundry when I get back up though and pick outfits from the bags until it's time to do the washing again...
But the other chores, it's like my brain is just "No". One plate in the sink brain: "No, that's not enough to stand there and wash up, waste of water", five plates brain: "Oh no, now there is too much and we are overwhelmed by the size of the task". It's just a few dishes in the sink but still no.
I was thinking of getting a bench dishwasher to like make it easier for me, because then I could load that and start it when it was full, but a friend kind of mocked me and said I was just making excuses.
And I feel like I am to, but I just can't seem to get over this wall in my brain, so I just waste hours playing video games. I mean sure, I'm having fun, but I need to take care of things, yet I feel like I just can't. And as a 30 year old, it really makes me feel as a failure.
I know it's just been a few months and maybe I need more time to adjust to having my own household, but I kinda feel like I should have gotten in order by now. Yet, if it wasn't for the fact that I have to go to this unemployment thing almost every day, I probably would forget to shower regularly and I definitely wouldn't be brushing my teeth on a daily basis. Or eat. Which I need to because I just got diagnosed with diabetes 2 on top of everything else.
Like I said, I think I just needed to vent. I feel like I can't really talk about these things with the people in my life because, well as I mentioned, one friend kinda mocked me, the other is super busy with school, family and work and my dad, well... He's a bit of an old school guy, so he's not much of a talker.. I'm very grateful though to him for helping me with the chores, but again, I'm 30... My dad shouldn't have to come over and do my dishes...
Anyway, gonna go take some deep breaths and stop feeling sorry for myself.
If anyone has the patience to read, thank you! You all have a great day.

If you need help or are thinking about ending your life, Please reach out to someone in your life or comment on this post. We are here to support you.
Call 988 National Suicide Hotline - Press 1 for VA Crisis Line
Suicide and Mental Health Resources A comprehensive list of resources can be found here.
Veteran's Crisis Information
You can call 1800 273 8255, Press 1 or text 838255
https://www.mentalhealth.va.gov/MENTALHEALTH/get-help/index.asp
1-877-927-8387 Open 24/7 VA Vet Centers offer counseling Vet Centers are local, community-based confidential counseling centers that support war Veterans, active-duty Servicemembers, and military family members with post-deployment readjustment services. The goal of every Vet Center is to provide a broad range of counseling, outreach, referral, and assessment services, collectively called readjustment counseling services, to facilitate high-quality post-war readjustment and reintegration. Readjustment counseling services at a Vet Center allow war Veterans a satisfying post-war readjustment to civilian life and provide active-duty Servicemembers a confidential resource for post-war assistance. Military families also receive no-cost marriage and family therapy and supportive services for military-related issues. Vet Centers provide bereavement counseling to surviving parents, spouses, partners, children, and siblings of Servicemembers, which include federally activated Reserve and National Guard personnel, who die of any cause while on military active-duty. Vet Centers provide confidential military sexual trauma counseling to all military Veterans and active-duty Servicemembers, to include federally activated Reserve and National Guard personnel, no matter their duty location, era of service, or whether the trauma incident was reported to authorities.
Veteran Wellness Allegiance can offer Peer Counseling and assistance
Military One Source - 1-800-342-9647
Please seek help if needed...There are behavioral health resources at your disposal both in the Military and out.
non VA treatment program for PTSD:
https://www.va.gov/opa/pressrel/pressrelease.cfm?id=5852
Vets4Warriors 1-855-838-8255
Veterans in acute suicidal crisis are able to go to any VA or non-VA health care facility for emergency health care at no cost – including inpatient or crisis residential care for up to 30 days and outpatient care for up to 90 days. Veterans do not need to be enrolled in the VA system to use this benefit. Literally any veteran can walk into ANY urgent care/ER for thoughts of suicide and they can get free care.
Any veteran experiencing food insecurity can call their primary care (PACT) team and have one of the PACT social workers conduct a food insecurity screen. These are websites veterans can use to find local food pantries, soup kitchens, and food banks. Food Pantries Soup Kitchens Food Banks
Veterans who are homeless or at imminent risk of becoming homeless can call or visit their local VA Medical Center where staff are ready to help.
VA Emergency Rooms/Services - VA Urgent Care
VA Health Chat
Free Legal Clinics
Free legal services for veterans

I'm not sure how helpful it will be to post here because I think my issue goes far beyond the usual conflicts one might find in a traditional dnd campaign. So before anyone reads this I wants to emphasise that 1. this was my very first dnd campaign and I joined it without any prior knowledge, and 2. this campaign was never intended to be a traditional "we're heroes and trying to save the world while fighting monsters left and right" campaign. I hope this answers any questions along the lines of "Well, why did you create this kind of character in the first place?" and "Why do your characters spend so much time talking about stuff, don't you have some beholders to fight?". I also cannot explain the whole situation without writing a literal 20 page long essay, so I'll try to keep it as short as possible and only give two examples. I'm definitely leaving a lot of details out here, so please let me know if clarifications or futher information is needed.
To preface what this is all about: I was a player in a very roleplay focused campaign and my character basically turned into the problem child of this campaign. I never intended for my character to be the focus, was never interested in him being the focus, but nothing I ever did suceeded in solving the issues at hand and taking the focus away from him. I constantly got accused of "making my character suffer", whereas from my perspective I was constantly trying to keep this character safe from the constant attacks he had to endure. It was like no matter what I did, no matter what I let this character do, it was never right. I think everyone in this group makes an effort to play their characters realistically, I defininitely do. And yet it was never me going "I know exactly what my character has to do to fix this but I'll REFUSE to do it because I don't like it" but me literally having no clue what people wanted from this character. The dm repeatedly said that nothing they tried to fix this character was helping. Whereas from my perspective these things that were supposed to "help" my character were the exact things that my character was struggling with. So it turned into a constant stream of something happening, my character then feeling bad, then everyone focusing on my character feeling bad, then my character trying to fix things, everyone telling him that he's doing it wrong, my character feeling even worse.... and me wondering why my character cannot just exist in peace, why we constantly have to focus on him instead of the "plot". I don't think anyone was interested in constantly discussing my character's mental state, I definitely wasn't interested in doing that, and yet we kept doing it. But I also did not know how to have him react differently to the constant shit getting thrown at him.
______
So, basically:
Around three years ago a friend of mine told me about this new dnd campaign they were starting and asked me to join. I've known this friend for half my life but we never lived close to each other, maintaining loose contact over Twitter and me visisting them every two or three years. I had never played dnd before, which they didn't think would be a problem, calling the campaign "very beginner friendly". The whole point behind this campaign was that both this friend (the dm) and two of the players from the main campaign they were playing wanted to play more regularly, so my friend/dm came up with this campaign which was basically a prequel to that main campaign. That main campaign was a more "traditional" dnd campaign with a quest to save the world and regular combat. Meanwhile this new campaign was supposed to be focused on roleplay. There was no overarching plot or quest and the setting was an arcane school and our characters were supposed to be students at said school, just starting their first semester.
When creating our characters the dm asked us to include at least one character in the backstory that was important for our character, and also an objective for our character, something they wanted to achieve. The character I came up with was a young half-elf wizard specialising in abjuration. The gist of his story was that his parents had been arrested and executed for high treason when he was very young and that he grew up rather isolated with his older brother in a place they were not allowed to leave before coming off age. When my character was 14 he woke up one morning to find his brother gone. He had left him only a cryptic letter, hinting at wanting to find out what had really happened to their parents, telling my character that he was sorry and that he would come back. When his brother had not come back after several months, my character too ran away and made his way to Candlekeep, which he had visited many times with his parents (who had been scholars) as a child. He tried to find answers in Candlekeep and spent the following three years hiding in the library before something prompted him to leave and travel to the aforementioned arcane school in order to study there. His objective was to find out why his parents had to die, what happened to his brother, and adjusting to normal life after years of isolation.
Personality wise this character was supposed to be very kind, very gentle, quite naive, honest, and at the beginning of the campaign rather anxious. My assumption was that after growing up in isolation he would need some time to get acclimatised and would be anxious and overwhelmed in the beginning but would loosen up with time and become more self-confident. Some bad stuff happened early on in the campaign and he reacted to it in a rather not healthy way (withdrawing, refusing to eat, but also not talking about what was going on because he didn't want to put the focus on himself). I messed up here, I realised that later. I assumed the other characters would sit him down and ask him what was going on, leading to some kind of cathartic conversation, my character then revealing his past, and him becoming more confident and positive through it, completely resolving this issue. I didn't realise that introducing these kind of psychological issues into the story would be an issue, simply because I wasn't planning on making it a big thing. I thought it would be realistic for him to react this way and I thought it was something that could easily be resolved. Nowadays I would approach this completely differently: if I were to play this character now I would make this whole "accepting his past, becoming more self-confident and open" thing part of his backstory and would start him off as being confident and in tune with his emotions, instead of trying to quickly get through this development at the start of the campaign. So I think I know what I SHOULD have done to prevent this from escalating. What I am trying to figure out is what I could have done to fix it AFTER realising my mistake. Because we spent months and months trying to resolve this issue and never really got anywhere. Despite me trying my best to keep the focus away from my character, despite me trying to turn him into someone more confident and happy, despite me NOT WANTING him to be the focus of the story and doing my best to keep him out of the spotlight.
______
Here is an example of the things going on in the story, to which my character reacted badly and me not knowing how else I could have had him react that would not have caused further conflict:
Over the course of the campaign L. figured out what his brother was up to after him and his friends getting intro trouble and a mysterious stranger helping them get out of there and that stranger then revealing himself to be A.'s husband (and therefore my character's brother-in-law). L. had a lenghty discussion with this person and after that I basically viewed L.'s conflict as resolved: he now knew why his brother had left, he knew that it had not been his fault, and he knew that his brother had found someone who loved him and was not alone. L. still hoped to be able to see his brother again to get to say goodbye properly. Because in L.'s mind there was no other possibility but this being a goodbye: his brother had a new life now that he, L., was not part of anymore. And L. accepted that. There was no anger, no resentment, only relief knowing that his brother was not alone, had someone by his side who loved him, and that he still cared about L. and that L. had not - as he had feared - done anything that had caused his brother to not want to be near him anymore. He had finally gotten the closure he had needed, he was feeling okay and I viewed this whole conflict as resolved.
Fast forward a few weeks: A. finally suceeded in doing what he had been working on these past few years and returned to L., just like he had promised in the letter he had left him all that time ago. When talking to him, L. realised that A. was not actually planning on leaving, like L. had assumed. Instead A. told him that he and his husband would stay and look for a new home near L.'s school. L. was very surprised by this but of course he was also happy. He hadn't even considered that his brother would stay. His biggest hope had been that his brother would occasionally send him a letter from whereever he was. Him actually wanting to stay was very unexpected for L. but of course he was very happy about it. They also had some good conversations during that time, which not only brought L. further closure but also revealed connections between several past plot points.
About a week after A.'s return L. went to visit him. He just wanted to spend some time with his brother and also ask him for advice. The semester was coming to an end and everyone was busy preparing for the final exams and L. also still needed to find an internship placement for the summer break. L. wanted to do his internship in Candlekeep but was unsure on how to approach this, who to contact, how to phrase his request, so he thought asking his eloquent and knowledgable brother for advice would be a good idea. This conversation quickly went downhill with A. accusing L. of not respecting the people working at Candlekeep enough to do proper research beforehand and L. ending up feeling like he didn't deserve doing an internship there and ending up feeling even more stressed out about the whole thing than he had already been beforehand. They changed the topic and at some point A. started to jokingly fighting L. and putting him in a headlock. L. had no interest in fighting his brother, even as a joke, and reacted by going limp so he could slip away. A. then asked something along the lines of "So that's how you react in a fight? You just give up?" and L. said "Well, I know you would never intentionally hurt me with no good reason". The next second L. was falling. He was up in the sky, the ground many meters below him, and he was falling. L. immediately deduced that this must be some kind of enchantment and tried to fight it, but neither acknowledging that this wasn't real nor trying to shake it off did anything. He did not know any flying or hovering spells, nothing that would help him stop the fall, and ended up crashing into the ground. The next moment he was in some kind of water pool inside a cave that he struggled to get out of. A. was waiting by the cave entrance and offered L. his hand when he got out. L. refused to take it. A. then left and L. eventually followed, finding himself back in the room they had been in before. Either in the cave or shortly afterwards A. asked L. why he hadn't just used a spell to stop his fall, being surprised by L.'s statement that he had not yet learned an appropriate spell. L. eventually sat down at the table and did some exam preparation. A. made some food and put some in front of L. which L. ignored. Eventually L. looked up and asked A. what his biggest fear was. A. had just put L. through several of his biggest fears - falling, drowning, not being able to trust the ones he loves, and getting his control taken away - so he wanted to know what A. was scared of most. A. the told L. that his biggest fear was someone using his abilities to do something bad. And then he explained to L. that he had come to the conclusion that he would not be able to stay after all. That while he was able to defend himself, L. was not, and anyone wanting to get to A. would have an easy time doing so through L. who was evidently not able to defend himself. L. did not take that well and asked A. why he couldn't just train L. so he would get better at defending himself but A. refused. A. then said he would take a walk and allowed L. to come with him. They walked for several hours without talking, ending up in the middle of a forest where some ancient creature appeared that A. had helped several years ago and that was now nearing the end of its life and had called A. there to say goodbye. A. also explained to L. that he did not actually want to stay. That he - A. - had been naive in thinking that he could just live a normal life and that it had been nothing but a dream and that he simply wasn't made for that kind of life. Some time during that conversation A. also told L. that he was convinced that he would end up in the Nine Hells for the things he had done. They spent the night in the woods and the next morning L. realised that all his things had been stolen by some fey creatures, including his spell book. After searching for several hours they were able to find his spellbook, which had been smeared with insults. A. managed to clean it up and they returned back home and L. was reuinted with the rest of the group. Before L. left A. also gifted him an indestructable spellbook. A few days after these events L. went to the temple and addressed Mystra, telling her how lost he was feeling and how worried he was about his brother. He told her that he wanted nothing more than to protect the ones around him but how he was constantly failing in doing so. And how he just wanted his brother to be safe and how he was worried he would really eventually end up in the Nine Hells and how he didn't think A. deserved that but that he didn't know how to prevent that from happening. The next morning L. found some strange piece of cloth on his face which after some examination was revealed to be an item belonging to Mystra which she had used to hide something in the past. The very condensed explanation of what that item does is that when attuned to it one cannot be found through any kind of traditional divination magic, making one basically undetectable. The next time L. saw A. he told him about this item and A. was basically like "Oh cool, well in that case we can actually stay here". L.'s reaction was to start crying and A. asked him why he was so upset and why everything was always the end of the world to him.
The way I see this whole situation: I simply wanted L. to spend some time with his brother, hopefully get some advice from him regarding that internship and then going back to the rest of the group. Instead what happened was that A. first called him disrespectful for wanting to do an internship at a place and not having done enough research beforehand. Then taking L.'s statement "you wouldn't hurt me with no good reason" to assault L. Then telling L. that he would not stay after all due to L. apparently not being able to defend himself. Then explaining to him that "actually, I didn't want to stay in the first place", and then a few days later telling him he WILL stay after all. So basically, L. had accepted that his brother would not come back to him for good, he had accepted this and had found closure. Then his brother told him he WOULD stay and L. was of course happy about this surprising turn of events. Then his brother told him that due to L. not being able to defend himself he CANNOT stay. Then he tells him he doesn't WANT to stay anyway, confirming the exact reasoning behind L.'s initial assumption that A. would not stay. And then after realising the threat was eliminated, decided to stay afterall, despite having it made very clear that he did not actually WANT to stay... and apparently only staying because he thought that's what L. wants, despite L. repeatedly explaining that his priority is for A. to be happy and that he does not want A. to stay if that's not what makes him happy and A. just completely ignoring that? Am I really the only person who thinks that it's understandable why L. is confused and upset in this situation? Plus the constant "What do you mean, you don't know [this one simple thing]?" when L. is already barely able to get a regular long rest in between trying to keep up with school work and all the stuff that's going on at the side, like a literal war for example, and constantly feeling that no matter what he decides it's always wrong and he never has enough time to do the things he is supposed to do, let alone the things he wants to do? Plus him wanting to spend the afternoon with his brother turning into a 36 hour long event and him having to spend half a day looking for his spellbook, only to find it smeared with insults?
Am I being dense for not understanding what the whole point of this was? Trying to make it clear to L. that his brother is a powerful and dangerous person? He was already very aware of that and did not need a reminder. Proving to L. that he shouldn't trust his brother? Why even associate with him in the first place if you don't want him to trust you? Giving him the indestructable spellbook was nice. But was having some fey creatures steal his original one and smear insults all over it and him having to spend hours searching for it really necessary?
Whatever the hell it is the dm was trying to do here, I think a simple, calm conversation between those two would have been a lot more effective.
But maybe it's clearer from the outside, so if someone else understands what happened here, please help me understand.
______
Another situation was that due to his struggles early on in the campaign my character was supposed to see the school's healer once a week so she could make sure that he was okay. My character went there once a week, feeling more or less okay when entering her office, and coming out feeling confused and upset after having his mental state analysed and picked apart. Neither did my character enjoy this nor did I think that any of the players (including myself) had any interest in listening to my character discuss his emotions every week. So eventually I had my character write a letter to the headmistress, explaning that he wanted to stop doing these weekly check-ins. Upon being asked why, he explained that these appointments actively made him feel bad and that he would do a lot better if he didn't constantly feel pressured into talking about things he didn't want to talk about. The reaction was that he was told that if he cannot handle simply being asked how he was doing once a week, then he wasn't stable enough to go to school, and consequently got kicked out. Leading to us spending two sessions trying to resolve this and my character eventually being allowed back into the school. ______
The situations I described are the kind of thing that constantly happened to my character.
We had a calendar where we wrote down short descriptions of what happened each day. I once went through this calendar with a friend (who does not play dnd) and it basically went like this: "So that day this traumatic thing happened to L., and the next day this happened, and two days later this happened, then the next day he almost died, then three days later he discovered this, the next day this other thing happened,....", and my friend just went "Holy shit, it's no surprise that this kid is losing his marmbles."
So I keep alternating between "I messed up this whole campaign by creating a problematic character" and the feeling that the dm had it out for specifically my character and it didn't matter what I did, nothing could have solved this.
Some constructive ideas on what I did wrong and what I could have done to fix things would be appreciated. (And yes, we did talk about this in the group. I eventually got tired of talking about it because it never lead anywhere.

Hi!! This little problem has been on my mind recently, and I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions or ideas on how to not be so upset about it.
For some context, I’m 21 now, and I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 17/18 years old, and a tic disorder and bipolar disorder later that year. Around this time last year, I decided I was going to go through testing and evaluation to see if I also (or if I only) had autism, after compiling a bunch of research and “preliminary” tests that I hoped would help me know how to articulate what is going on in my life in words that wouldn’t make me seem like I was trying to “fake” anything. After (not even) an hour appointment with a psych, I took the tests a week or so later. When I got the results of those tests, the psych essentially said that because of the fact I acted primarily typical in my appointment, she couldn’t give me any diagnosis (including my current ADHD diagnosis) because I hit so many factors in the tests that she believed I was “faking” or trying to force my neurodivergence.
My biggest concern now with all that information is that I now work in an environment where control is hard to obtain, I am constantly overwhelmed from outside sources, and I’m wanting to stick with this job because I love it and the work I do. However, I’m having a hard time rationalizing asking for help or possibly even accommodations because I am worried that without a diagnosis, it won’t be received well. As well as that, because I haven’t gotten any help medically for these situations, I’m not exactly sure what I can do to assist myself in regulation and general accommodation. Does anyone have any tips or advice on these situations? Thank you!
TL;DR: What are some things I can do to help myself regulate and ask for accommodation as an undiagnosed person?

Warning: long post. I just have a lot of feelings on this topic!
We got married two weeks ago and I’m still on such a high from it all. I want to write this post as a bit of a reflection for myself and hopefully to get others excited for their weddings, especially for those who didn’t want a wedding to begin with.
I never wanted a wedding. I wanted to elope, or have a microwedding at most. My husband wanted the big thing. But there was so much about a traditional wedding that I dreaded. I’ve been to so many and they often feel performative, all very similar, and lacking in authenticity. Absolutely nothing wrong with others doing this - I always have a blast and have always LOVED attending weddings. I want to make this clear, that I love whatever it is that brings others joy, especially if they want to share it with me. There is no judgement. I just couldn’t see myself going through the same format of the traditional wedding. I was adamant on the no.
But then I realized that there would be no other time in our lives where we could have an entire day where we get to scream from the rooftops about how amazing our person is. I want my community to know how special my love is. Beyond this, I think love in all its forms deserves celebrating. I started to see a wedding as an opportunity to celebrate our village, our community, the people who have walked beside us in all our life chapters. How beautiful is that? There is no other occasion that will bring all your loved ones to one place. A wedding is the only opportunity you will have to embrace everyone in your life in one night; to bask in all the joy and experience some type of collective effervescence with all your closest people.
But what about the stress? The expectations? The MONEY? Many weddings I had been to, brides or grooms didn’t seem present. They often seemed stressed, and like they were actors in some performance. The day goes by so fast; months of planning and it’s over in a few hours. I’d heard so many stories of immense stress with wedding planning. Family and bridal party drama. The list goes on. I couldn’t bring myself to go there.
Until I realized that I/we are capable of setting boundaries and making intentional decisions. Some things we were just lucky with - that we have good careers and were able to save adequately, with some financial help from family as well. Lucky that our families and friends are all truly wonderful people, and are very low drama with minimal expectations. But some intentional decisions we made were: keeping our priorities in mind from day one (relaxed, fun, guest experience) and only making decisions based on these; even if the wedding world and society told us to do something different. We would simplify things as much as possible, and do without all the fluff and unnecessary stuff. We wouldn’t put any expectations on our loved ones, and overall wouldn’t get attached to any particular “ideal” of what the day would look like. We wanted a laid back vibe, and we had to intentionally choose this mindset from day one of planning. A wedding CAN be relaxed if you choose it to be. Even if your loved ones bring the drama and opinions and expectations - you can’t control others but you can control your reaction and how you choose to internalize it. The mindset you show up with in the months prior and on the day will set the tone for everyone else’s experience.
We made it clear to our loved ones that we had no expectations around our wedding and their roles - we just wanted them to be able to relax and have a good time. No bridal party or bachelorette/bachelor parties. Simple outfits that we felt good in, did my own hair and makeup, only $500 on decoflorals, emails for invites etc. We put our budget into an excellent all inclusive venue that came with an in house planner that took care of every logistical detail so that we could have as minimal stress as possible. We spent the morning with our loved ones lounging by the pool, got ready together, greeted our guests with beers upon arrival (no hiding away), walked down the aisle hand in hand with no other processional, no grand entrance or exit or staged photo ops, no first dances, no tosses. Just a fancy dinner party with a heartfelt ceremony to start and fun dance floor to finish (no DJ either!)
There were several times I felt like I was “doing it wrong” since I just didn’t feel bridal at any point in the planning process. I didn’t care about any of the bride things and needed to frequently remind myself that there is so much that society and the industry tells us we need, that we don’t. And that I’m still allowed to have a wedding in the way that feels right to me. At the end of the day, all I wanted was to bring our people together to have a few days of celebration and I wanted the vibe to be relaxed and authentic. I wanted to be an exceptional host, to treat our loved ones to an amazing experience, and be present with all the love in the air. None of the other stuff mattered and I’m so happy to say that we pulled it off, and everyone had an absolutely incredible time. Every single person commented on how much they loved the vibe of the day, many saying it was the best wedding they’d been to.
I want the brides and grooms to-be out there who feel out of their element and resistant to the process - who have never dreamed of this and are doing it as a compromise - to know that really and truly, it has the potential to be the most incredible thing you’ll ever do. To think back on the old me who was against the idea of planning and hosting a wedding… to me now… wow. I am SO pro wedding, I think everyone deserves to feel that level of joy. It is truly unparalleled and has left me with the most cherished memories. There is no better feeling.
Edit: I hope this post doesn’t come across as boastful. I know we are privileged in a lot of ways and not everyone will be able to have this type of experience. Not everything is in our control. I guess I just want to emphasize that a good amount of stuff IS in our control and that a medium-large-ish wedding doesn’t automatically equal high stress and increased likelihood of disappointment/unmet expectations like I originally assumed.

So
I don't know if this is the place to write. I'm 45f and have suffered from severe thanatophobia since I was 9, on and off. The first really bad phase was at 34, after the birth of my second child. I was diagnosed with ppd and put on antidepressants. After about 4 months I felt normal again. Things went well until at 43 I suddenly redeveloped this debilitating fear with anxiety. Again, I was diagnosed with depression, gad, medicated and after 5-6 months felt ok.
Now, in jan, I woke up one morning and the fear was back, worse than ever. It's still debilitating, even after more meds and this time also therapy. What makes me post here is I wonder if depression is a misdiagnosis. All 3 major episodes have been preceeded by dreams about death. The theme being Enjoy life while it lasts because soon it will be over and there will be nothing. Only oblivion. This last time, the nights before the dream I had actually been ill with a temperature but gotten through that, only to have 2 nights of extremely odd tingling in my body. Not vibrating but almost.
Throughout these depressions, I have had extreme dpdr - the world feels fake, all objects like shoes, books, clothes or glasses feel fake, life feels fake, my body feels fake, and extreme awareness of my own and everyone else's existence. Why does the world exist? What is beyond space? Will eternity end? Is life on Earth just random and meaningless? Why am I my consciousness in my body, why not someone else? And the worst of my fears, is there anything beyond death? I have had a strange fear of people (I don't usually have that at all), of never being able to know what they experience, what their lives are. Also a fear of places like shopping centres and other big buildings, particularly underground.
I saw an ambulance the other day and my reaction was why are they doing that, "saving" someone's life? That person will die one day anyway. Why bother? Everything is pointless anyway. Why build houses? Write books? Buy clothes? We're all going to die anyway. Oblivion.
It's as if people are mindlessly walking about with blinders on, not realizing that one day they will be gone. How are they not terrified?
I'm not even sure what I want to achieve by writing this - maybe just know if anyone else has had this and how you've dealt with it?

As a college student, academic success is a top priority. College can be both exhilarating and challenging, with juggling coursework, social activities, and perhaps a part-time job feeling overwhelming at times. However, achieving high grades is attainable with the right strategies and mindset. Here are some effective ways to excel academically.

1. Time Management is Key

One of the most critical aspects of succeeding in college is managing your time efficiently. Here are a few tips to help you stay on top of your schedule:

• Create a Study Schedule: Allocate specific times for studying each subject. Consistency helps in retaining information better and reduces last-minute cramming.
• Use a Planner or Digital Calendar: Mark important dates for assignments, exams, and projects. This helps you prioritize tasks and avoid forgetting crucial deadlines.
• Break Tasks into Smaller Steps: Large assignments can be daunting. Breaking them down into smaller, manageable tasks can make them less intimidating and easier to complete.
• Avoid Procrastination: Break tasks into smaller chunks and start early to avoid last-minute stress.

2. Active Participation in Classes

Attending classes regularly and actively participating can significantly impact your understanding and retention of the material. Here’s how you can make the most out of your classes:

• Engage with the Material: Ask questions if you don’t understand something. Engaging with the content helps reinforce your learning and shows your professors that you’re interested.
• Take Detailed Notes: Good notes are essential for effective studying. Develop a system that works for you, whether it’s using bullet points, mind maps, or digital note-taking apps.
• Join Study Groups: Collaborating with peers can provide different perspectives on the material and fill in gaps in your understanding.

3. Effective Study Techniques

Studying smarter, not harder, is crucial. Here are some study techniques that can enhance your learning:

• Active Learning: Engage with the material actively by summarizing information in your own words, teaching it to someone else, or creating flashcards.
• Pomodoro Technique: This time management method involves studying for 25 minutes, then taking a 5-minute break. After four cycles, take a longer break. This helps maintain focus and prevents burnout.
• Spaced Repetition: Spread out your study sessions over time rather than cramming. This technique improves long-term retention and understanding of the material.
• Take Notes: Summarize key points during lectures.
• Use Flashcards: Create flashcards for important concepts.
• Teach Someone Else: Explaining a topic to a friend reinforces your understanding.

4. Utilize Campus Resources

Many colleges offer resources that can aid your academic performance. Make sure to take advantage of them:

• Academic Advising: Advisors can help you plan your course schedule and offer guidance on meeting your academic goals.
• Tutoring Services: If you’re struggling with a particular subject, don’t hesitate to seek help from tutors. They can provide personalized assistance and clarify difficult concepts.
• Libraries and Study Spaces: Find a quiet place that’s conducive to studying. Libraries often have designated quiet zones and study rooms that can help you focus.

5. Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle

Your physical and mental well-being directly impact your academic performance. Here are some tips to stay healthy:

• Balanced Diet: Eating nutritious meals fuels your brain and body, enhancing your concentration and energy levels.
• Regular Exercise: Physical activity reduces stress and boosts cognitive function. Even short walks can make a difference.
• Adequate Sleep: Aim for 7-9 hours of sleep per night. Proper rest is essential for memory consolidation and overall cognitive performance.
• Mindfulness and Stress Management: Practices such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing exercises can help manage stress and keep you focused.

6. Stay Motivated and Set Goals

Setting clear, achievable goals can keep you motivated throughout the semester. Here’s how to stay on track:

• Set Specific, Measurable Goals: Rather than vague goals like “do well in classes,” aim for specific targets such as “study for two hours daily” or “achieve an A in biology.”
• Reward Yourself: Celebrate your achievements, big or small. Rewards can be as simple as a favorite treat, a break to watch your favorite show, or a day out with friends.
• Stay Positive: Keep a positive attitude towards your studies. Believe in your ability to succeed and don’t let setbacks discourage you.

7. Test Preparation Strategies

Ace those exams with effective preparation:

• Practice Past Papers: Familiarize yourself with the format.
• Review Regularly: Don’t cram—review consistently.
• Stay Calm: Manage test anxiety with deep breathing techniques.

8. Collaborate with Peers

Study groups can be beneficial:

• Discuss Concepts: Explaining ideas to others reinforces learning.
• Peer Accountability: Set study goals together.
• Share Resources: Exchange notes and study materials.

Conclusion

By incorporating these strategies into your college routine, you can improve your academic performance and ensure your grades soar. Remember, success in college is not just about intelligence but also about adopting effective habits and maintaining a balanced lifestyle. In addition, you can also join our community at 911papers_homworkhelp for more tips or need help, and also to connect with other students who share similar academic experiences.
911papers.com

I had such a shitty experience at Clicks Cape Quarter when trying to collect my medication. See my letter of complaint below:
I am writing to express my deep dissatisfaction with the service I received at your Clicks Cape Quarter regarding my chronic medication. I have always relied on receiving an SMS each month to notify me when my medication is ready for collection. This month, however, I did not receive any notification. Concerned, I visited the pharmacy, only to be informed that my scripts were exhausted.
Upon reviewing the dates of my last prescription on 11th April 2024, I found this information to be inaccurate. The prescriptions showed the following repeats remaining: - Medication A: 2 of 5 repeats - Medication B: 3 of 5 repeats - Medication C: 4 of 5 repeats
Given this, I was puzzled as to why I was told I had no repeats left.
In an effort to resolve this, I sent a repeat prescription written by my doctor on 9th January 2024 to the pharmacy. The pharmacist, however, refused to dispense my chronic medication, citing that it is a schedule 5 drug and must be sent directly from my doctor to the pharmacy. I was particularly distressed when the pharmacist raised their voice, insisting that previous dispensations were incorrect and that they could not give me my medication.
This interaction left me extremely upset, as I need my chronic medication to manage my health. Furthermore, the pharmacist informed me that there had been a change in protocols due to the dismissal of the last manager for not adhering to this schedule 5 drug policy. There had been no communication from the pharmacy about this change, which added to my frustration. The pharmacist asserted that it was not their obligation to inform customers of such changes, which I find highly unprofessional and negligent.
Additionally, during a visit in January when I was ill, I provided my 6-month repeat script for chronic medication. The pharmacist then told me I had prescriptions left and should return before June to utilize them. Contrarily, the pharmacist during my recent visit informed me that I could only receive two more months' worth of medication and the previous explanation was incorrect.
I am very disappointed by the inconsistent information and the lack of communication regarding changes in protocol. Being publicly reprimanded was not only unprofessional but also extremely distressing.
Given these issues, I kindly request the following: 1. A thorough investigation into the handling of my prescriptions and why there was a discrepancy regarding my repeat medication. 2. Clarification on the current protocols for schedule 5 drugs and why this information was not communicated to customers. 3. An apology from the pharmacist who raised their voice and a commitment to ensure such unprofessional behavior is not repeated. 4. A detailed explanation of how you plan to prevent such issues in the future to improve customer service.
I have had numerous issues with this branch before and am now reconsidering my options for where I get my medication. I hope to see prompt action taken regarding my complaint.
///
I did apologise to the pharmacist for raising my voice, but what a fucked up experience. Is this information about schedule 5 known? Was I in the wrong?