Cute birthday card ideas for girlfriend

Hello , I applied for i130 for my son and husband and they go denied for lack of evidence.
When I applied I was a green card holder, now I am a us citizen. I applied to appeals but I was told it takes years to respond. My question is can I reapply? My son is 20 he will be 21 in November. If I reapply and the USCIS response come after my son birthday can he still immigrate?

i found out two months ago that my bf is in his best friends wedding party and the wedding is in august. after i found this out i asked if he had the invitation or any details of the wedding and he said he did but couldn’t find the card. no biggie i left it alone. i had the date and unfortunately the wedding is a day before my birthday and i kinda wanted to plan a trip for my birthday but wanted to wait for the details of this wedding. today it’s turns out it’s gonna be a simple bbq backyard wedding in my bfs hometown and the theme isn’t really a theme, just a casual wedding. i asked my bf for more details on the time or really anything, cause i want to prepare if i do travel and want to make it but i can’t go then i can’t go (im still deciding on my plans) my bf starts questioning my morals and “why i even need the details of the wedding like isn’t the date enough?” i cry of course and just keep asking for the time. listen i have anxiety and my birthday is important to me so i want to accommodate both events. and i want to support the newly weds. all i was asking was what time the damn wedding starts! and he flips and tells me i should reach out to HIS friends. i barely know them and ive met them like twice so i don’t want to be overstepping.
idk if you were inviting your significant other to a wedding isn’t it your responsibility to keep them informed? please let me know your thoughts… ;____;

I got the Switchbot motion sensor for my birthday, and I need help with it…
On the package it says it can be connected to Google Home (my main smart home platform). And it can, but it just doesn’t work. Google home recognizes it as a light.
I had to find a solution to automate my light with the sensor. Lucky for me, my lights can also be connected to Amazon Alexa, so can the sensor. When that idea came up, I felt like an absolute genius! 🧠
So I made an Alexa account a connected all of my lights and motion sensor to it. And it al worked perfectly! I was almost dancing in my room, but I celebrated too early…
I made a routine, when my Switchbot motion sensor detected movement -> it would turn on the lights. But it didn’t worked. When I moved on in front of the sensor, it sees me, in the Alexa app and the Switchbot app. But it didn’t started my routine.
My question: How to solve this??? I am really frustrated about it because it was a birthday gift. But I can’t find anywhere to solve this problem. Maybe I am the only one and is it a problem with the sensor or the connection. But please help me…
(I do have the Switchbot hub mini!)

S 11 P 8 E 4 C 6 I 7 A 11 L 8
Strong back 4, travelling pharmacy 3, bandolier 1, blocker 3
Ground pound 2, commando 3, concentrated fire 3
Adamantium skeleton 1, aqua boy 1
Field surgeon 2, hard bargain 3, travel agent 1
First aid 2, armorer 1, gunsmith 3
Action boy 3, thru-hiker 1, covert operative 2, sneak 2, escape artist 1, gun fu 1
Scrounger 3, pharma farma 3, starched genes 1
Automatic suppressed fixer & handmade/ full set of bos combat armor & power armor for events
I played the game at launch and had a end game biuld with that character I stopped playing cause it grew old with the recent hype I picked it back up to see how it changed and at the start I loved (p.s I deleted my og character for a fresh start dumb I know) I had a idea of what biuld I wanted at 1st (v.a.t.s gunslinger) but after lvl 35 the biuld felt like it couldn't keep up so I looked up what was popular and thought I'd give it ago ( ps I'd love to do a power armor Heavy weapon biuld but I'd thought I'd try something simpler 1st) and it was all going well till I hit lvl 50. All of a sudden I felt like I hit a brick wall I wouldn't say I'm weak but I feel like I can't keep up. Every hour I'm having to leave what I'm doing to scrounge for ammo cause I'm constantly running out that or my guns keep breaking every 2 seconds (p.s I tried using the railway rifle but coming to the other problem I use vats and 3 seconds later I'm not it runs out so fast it's to the point its not even worth using. When it comes to cards I know I've got all the wrong ones due to the change In build but with the builds I've seen there full damage which is fine but there's no quality of life cards in them there's got to be a balance right ? I've had some kind people in game try to help me ( kindest gaming community btw) but I feel like I need more ( p.s forgot to say my heads West when it comes to mutations plus I'm constantly poor what's the best way to gather caps ?)
I'm sorry for the rant but I'm at my wits end I really want to try at this point I feel like I need to start with a new lvl 25 character or give up any and all help would be appreciated thanks

Hi! My best friend that I’ve known for a decade got a new boyfriend a couple months ago. Ever since he’s come around, she’s turned into one of those friends who neglects the people around her. We could be in the middle of a conversation & she’ll randomly stop texting me back completely. I’ll ask her to hang out, she’ll agree, and then when it comes down to it, stop messaging me or completely flake. It’s gotten so bad, that I don’t even talk to her much anymore, because I can’t stand being purposely ignored & it makes me feel bad.
She didn’t even message our other close friend & confirm if she was coming to their big birthday party or not. (It was a milestone birthday). I’m not even sure if she sent them a message with well wishes.
I have no idea how to hold her accountable for this and bring it up without feeling irritated or impatient,(because I have truly ran out of patience with it). I understand I am not obligated to anyone’s time or responses, however that is no excuse to treat someone really bad for months on end. If I try to bring this up, I KNOW she will be extremely defensive and say something really disrespectful to me.
This has been going on since January. I used to check in with her, but I stopped because this friendship is not 50/50 anymore, it’s more like 90/10 & it keeps going downhill. Am I being selfish or thinking the world revolves around me? I still see her posting on IG with him or hanging with other people. She’s know him for maybe 5-6 months and is planning on moving in with this guy soon, but if i tell her how foolish that idea is, I’m a bad guy & she’ll get mad.
As far as I know, I haven’t done anything to her that’s bad.
I feel awful saying it, but I also don’t want her to start coming back around if the relationship ends. That makes me feel like a “convenient” friend rather than a real one. I hate that she’s going from someone I considered my sister to someone I’m now seeing as an acquaintance. Has anyone been in a situation like this before? Any advice?

I was reviewing my mom's financials and I found this charge on her statement. I called and inquired about it and apparently she's had it since 2015. She started the credit card in 2007, about a year after my dad passed. Usually he took care of the financials.
I called and inquired about it and since 2015, she's spent almost 5k on this balance protection..... Is there any way I can get this back for her? She barely speaks English and she has no idea what it is. There's even been times where she's been out of work but didn't claim anything because she didn't even know what it was.

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Riven grimaced as another torpedo exploded far too close to the tiny vessel, she was aiding what was left of the Alandran crew through the retreat from the Oort Cloud. Three chaff torpedoes left, after that, they would be defenseless. “Shields down to twenty five percent Captain. I don’t think we’re going to make it to the planetary defenses.”
Captain Jan’Inar gritted her teeth and tapped on the arm controls of her command chair, “Engineering, tell me we have the ripple drive back up?” There was no response from her request.
“Captain, the chief engineer is dead, and the ship is so riddled with holes and fires I doubt communications are reaching engineering.” Riven said with a sigh. Then was forced to launch two chaff missiles towards the four enemy missiles that were bearing down on the Rivendell with monstrous acceleration.
The torpedoes attempted to corkscrew around their interceptor, but their dim AI’s were no match for Riven, who detonated the bomb pumped masers through the defractors with millimeter precision over three kilometers away, reducing them to slag. “We have one chaff torpedo left Captain, no ripple drive, half the crew is out of the fight.”
She watched as Captain Jan’Inar looked down through the floor monitors, the hulk of the Isengard was three hundred kilometers in the Z axis. “Riven, get us to the Isengard, use whatever maneuvering is necessary.”
Riven shrugged internally, she didn’t see how getting to the wreck would help, they were still ahead of the last two Trinar scout vessels, but hiding amongst the wreckage wouldn’t help. “Aye Captain, making for the wreck.”
A giant explosion appeared in one of the starboard monitors, one of the ones that wasn’t flickering off and on that is. “What the hell was that?” Jan’Inar asked Riven.
It took her a mil to process the incoming data, half her external sensors were either gone or malfunctioning. “That was the Trinar cruiser’s reactor exploding from nearly five light minutes away, the Missive managed to take her out, but she’s heavily damaged.”
Looking in the forward view screen the wreckage that was once Isengard was coming up fast, “Captain, we will arrive at the wreckage in twelve seconds, what do you want to do?”
The Captain sat back in her chair and answered, “Take us under the wreckage and put it between us our pursuers. Force them to go around the wreckage, and when they do, use the last chaff torpedo to hit one of the four fusion reactors of the Isengard.”
Riven smiled, that was Alex level deviousness. Also, quite a problem, three ships on different vectors, one near stationary wreck, and then the torpedo itself, which isn’t designed for precision, more like a shotgun blast. She cranked her frame-rate to maximum and her ship VR faded to just raw windows. Even at her maximum processing speed the calculations took agonizing milliseconds.
“Firing chaff torpedo three now!” The heavily damaged ship shuddered a bit as the last torpedo roared from its launch tube. It took nearly three seconds to reach the wreckage and detonate, an eternity to Riven. She watched as the bomb pumped masers sliced through the containment bottle, releasing the hellish energy and pressure at the heart of a star.
The explosion turned the wreckage into atoms, then lanced out in a sphere engulfing both Trinar ships in white hot plasma, obliterating them in the maelstrom. Then the shockwave from the explosion lashed out into space in every direction at the speed of light. The Rivendell was struck from behind, the ship staggered, her torch drives melted, and the lights went out.
_________________________________
Kara ended the simulation, both Alandran ships returned to normal operating duty. She opened up a channel to both Captains, letting Izzy and Riven broadcast her report to the crews. “First the good news, the enemy fleet was destroyed and the Missive and Rivendell survived to fight another day. Now the bad news, the Isengard was lost with all hands, which could have been avoided if you both stuck together and allowed your point defenses to overlap. All this means we’re going to be running another simulation tomorrow.”
She could hear both crews groan at the announcement before she continued, “I will be providing Riven and Izzy with the battlefield data, I expect you all to spend the next few hours going over where you could do better.”
Then Alex’s face appeared on all monitors in both ships, “We beat them this time, but I won’t be satisfied until we beat them every time. Go over the after action reports, come up with some new ideas, and get some rest before we tackle this again tomorrow. Also, I want to congratulate the crew of the Rivendell for lateral thinking.” Then the monitors all reverted back to their normal duty.
Alex looked over to Kara, “They’re getting better.”
Kara nibbled at a chip, “They’re not getting better fast enough. We know what we’re dealing with when it comes to the Howron ships, but the Trinar as you’ve taken to calling them are still a complete mystery. They may be even more dangerous than we’ve extrapolated them to be.”
Alex rubbed the back of his neck, “And they may be far weaker than we think, look, we can only do the best we can. We can’t really fault the Isengard crew, they’re even greener than the Rivendell.”
Kara nodded walking around the buffet table, “I’m really worried Alex, we have three ships at the moment, two of them with new crews and new AI’s. The forth will be online in a week, and I need to start focusing on producing and training a new AI.”
Alex held her lightly around the waist, “Getting the forth ship and it’s AI up is more important than these simulations, I’ll deal with them, you do what you do best?”
“Play Mother to everyone?” She asked?
Alex grinned down to her, “Well someone has to be the adult around here, and it ain’t gonna be me.”
She looked up to him, “They listen to you more than you know.”
“Poor kids.” He said as he leaned down to kiss her.
Kara spun away from his embrace and went back to the holo-tank, “Speaking of adults, it looks like we finally received an error free scan of Kel’Taraan’s mind.”
Alex came up beside her to look into the holo, it showed the docking area where the ships repair crew would normally be housed during refits. In the common area sat the Stasis pods with Kel’Taraan and Mon’Kelron, the former of which had received the medical nanobots that would repair her internal damage while she stayed in stasis, they were nearly done repairing the damage.
He turned to Kara, “Have we finished constructing the matrix yet?”
Kara shook her head, “Four failed attempts, today will be attempt number five, I’ve slowed down the print head on the auto factory to it’s lowest rate, in a few hours it will be done, then I have to put it through pass/fail checks and cross my fingers.”
Alex sighed, “Yeah, they told me about the hardest thing for an auto factory to make was the print heads for another auto factory, something biological, or a replicant matrix. Makes sense that we’d have difficulty now, as we build in space, not a sterile lab environment.”
Kara swiped at the holo, showing a video of the construction process of the matrix. “If this one doesn’t work I may have to build a lab around an auto factory and provide the gravity and sterile environment, these things take forever to construct.”
Alex studied the table for a snack, “Oh, you think we may have more matrix’s to build in the future?”
Kara looked over to Alex a little exasperated, “Once the genie is out of the bottle, I expect we may find we need to make quite a few of these.”
He rubbed his chin in thought, “We’ve asked Kel’Taraan to keep the knowledge of replication secret, I’m pretty sure she’ll do so.”
She looked back at him shaking her head, “You know as well as I do that something like this won’t stay secret forever.”
Alex nodded and sighed as he looked down, “Yeah, you’re right. Something will slip, intentionally or unintentionally. Best plan for it in the future.”
“And that brings up the next question, what do we do with Mon’Kelron?” Kara asked.
Alex looked at Kara a bit confused, “We let the medical nannites finish working on her and we keep her on ice until we can drop her back off on the planet.”
Kara shook her head, “No, that will stir up even more suspension in the Alandrans, who already think we are mysterious. She needs to be let out for observation or something before we put her back into stasis.”
“Well, you’re busy getting the new AI up and running and getting the matrix built, I’m busy with the simulations, Riven and Izzy are running ships and working with crews, that leaves Monty. Where is she anyways?”
“Personal project, she’s been working on a particle accelerator model that will be easier to build around the first planet, using material from the first planet.” Kara answered.
Alex frowned, “How would that work? We need an accelerator large enough to circle the star to make the exotic materials we need.”
Kara grinned, knowingly, “Remember that this universe is more energetic than our original universe? Monty figures that she can get by with one that encircles the first planet at twenty thousand kilometers and with about fifty loops around the accelerator we can get the necessary velocities to create the required materials.”
“Okay, so a smaller accelerator, we figured what, a century out to get one built around the star, how long will this take?” He asked.
Kara shrugged, “We had to make an estimated guess, but since the supply line would be vastly shortened by harvesting the planet with mining drones we figure two to three years before it would be operational, assuming we move one quarter of all mining drones to the first planet.”
Alex nodded, “Much more feasible. However, you haven’t mentioned probable yield.”
Kara sighed, “Yeah, less than a tenth what a proper accelerator would produce, but if we use most of the production for manufacturing nannites and substitute other materials for armor or hull we could still build some of the heavy cruisers you have the prints for.”
Alex looked down to the table and found some boneless buffalo wings, snatching the small bowl and cradling it he commented. “Well, three and a half years to build the first heavy cruiser isn’t too bad. Granted we have to build a full sized shipyard in that time frame as well. We aren’t going to churn one out in the scaled down models you two came up with.”
Kara nodded, “Already on the production schedule as well.”
Taking a big bite out of the buffalo wing, Alex sent Monty a message. “Would you be so kind as to join us at the buffet table?”
Monty faded in beside Kara, “What’s up with the big guy using all formal messaging?” She asked.
Alex swallowed, “What? I can be elegant and shit too you know.”
Monty rolled her eyes, “There’s the Alex I know. I’m assuming you need me to do something boring?”
Kara answered before Alex could make another quip. “We need you to baby sit Mon’Kelron for a bit. She needs to think that she is inside the ship so she doesn’t think anything strange is going on, particularly with Kel’Taraan.”
Monty tapped her chin, “Um, the hanger bay where they are being stored is separate from the rest of the ship. Only our two androids are located there in pods, how do I explain that she can’t go beyond that point?”
Alex spoke up while Kara was trying to come up with an answer, “Simple, you tell her she is in quarantine on board our vessel, let her know you have been decontaminated but it’s a long process and I’m too busy to go through it right now.”
Monty nodded, than smiled, “Can I wear a cute nurses outfit?”
Alex shook his head, “Fine, just sell her on the story and keep her occupied while she is under ‘observation’, then get her back into the stasis pod.”
Monty did a salute that was fairly close to an insult and faded out.
________________________________
Kel’Taraan awoke suddenly, there was no slowly drifting into consciousness, it was as if she had been startled awake. Looking around she saw only darkness, where was she? Was she dead? Were the humans unsuccessful in turning her into a replicant? Then she saw light, just two glowing blue eyes at first, then the silhouette of a petite woman brown hair down to her shoulders.
Then the rest of her faded into view, she wore a uniform similar to what all Humans wore, more practical than formal. Then she spoke, “Hello Kel’Taraan, I am Kara, it is nice to finally meet you.”
“It is nice to finally meet the legendary Kara. This must mean the process worked, what will happen to my old body?” She asked
Kara brought up what looked like a cylindrical hologram and was touching icons, the world around her faded in to what appeared to be a comfortable house. “It was destroyed before you were activated, otherwise you would not be the closest continuer, but a mere copy of yourself.”
Kel’Taraan was a little taken aback, “Closest continuer? Why destroy my old body?” She wasn’t sure why she should care if her old body was gone, but for some reason she did.
Kara finished fiddling with her hologram and it faded away, now they were sitting in a quite nice cottage, complete with a fireplace and bookshelves full of leather bound books. “Short answer, the No-Hiding theorem states that like matter or energy, information can neither be created nor destroyed, simply moved or transmuted. The information that made up ‘you’ cannot exist at the same time that your replicant was activated or you would be two different people with the same memories.”
Kel’Taraan nodded, “So to ensure it would really be ‘me’ who awoke, the original vessel had to be destroyed to ensure only one copy of the information was available?”
Kara nodded, “Correct, although it is much more complex than that, and still under some debate, that is the reigning theory of closest continuer.”
“So what do I do now?” Kel’Taraan asked.
Kara smiled, “Now we start training you on how to be a replicant. I have given you a private virtual reality environment, it should be close to the little cottage in the picture frames in your room.”
Kel’Taraan looked around and found that it was very similar. This was the cottage that she and her Emmet had looked at purchasing so long ago. She reached down and rubbed the ornate leather chair she was standing behind. It was only at this moment did she notice she was not hunched over, her back did not hurt, and she needed no cane.
Looking down at her hands they were without wrinkle or age spot, the skin was soft and taunt. She looked around and found a mirror by the front door, and in it she barely recognized the face, it was her, nearly four centuries ago.
“How?” She asked as she turned back around to Kara.
Kara summoned some keldaran hot tea and two small cups on the coffee table before sitting in the other leather bound chair by the fireplace. “Our spy devices in the palace found pictures of you when you were young, we extrapolated a three dimensional form for you to inhabit here.”
Kel’Taraan nodded as she walked back to the empty leather armchair, she noticed her hair was blonde once more, no longer silver. Sitting down she looked at the beverage choice, “Fair warning, that stuff tastes like battery acid, I have no idea how the Empress drinks it, could I try your coffee once more? It has been so long!”
Kara grinned, and waved away the Alandran style crockery and replaced it with a coffee pot and two coffee mugs, along with cream and sugar. Pouring a cup for Kel’Taraan and offering cream and sugar, which she accepted and raised it to her face to inhaled the aroma. “This brings back memories.” She stated, tearing up a bit.
After taking a sip of the Human brew she sat it back down on the coffee table. “I suppose since I am in the company of Humans once more you find our naming schemes a bit aggravating?”
Kara shrugged, “It doesn’t bother me, although Alex wishes he could shorten your names from time to time.”
Kel’Taraan nodded, “The first Human crew called me Kelly, I think I would like to go by that again.”
“Kelly it is then, I’m sure Alex will be pleased.” Kara stated while taking her own sip from her coffee.
They both sat there for a moment, just enjoying the silence and the beverage, before Kara spoke up. “I want you to get comfortable here in your cottage, if you want I can help you change your VR environment at any time. You probably don’t realize it yet but you and I are operating at millisecond resolution at the moment.”
Waving her hand a small menu appeared before Kelly, showing her how the frame-jacking system worked. Kara continued, “I’ve given you access to this menu, and more will follow in the next day, which can be as short or as long as you choose.”
Kelly thought for a moment, “So at our default frame-rate, a single millisecond lasts..” (11.57 days) A slider appeared above the frame-jack menu.
Kara nodded, “We all experience time differently than biological creatures, we can experience lifetimes in days, or we can stretch a single day into milliseconds.”
Kelly nodded, “Seems like I have a lot to learn.”
Kara put down her coffee cup, “That you do, and for that reason you have this library, inside these volumes are the culmination of Human knowledge and culture.”
Surprised, she raised an eyebrow, “Doesn’t seem like a lot of books compared to the Imperial library on Alandra.”
Pulling the first tome off the top shelf she handed it to Kelly, “Open this.”
Taking the amazingly immaculate leather bound tome she opened it and her mind was awash in chaos. Words, symbols, numbers, letters, ideas, constructs, abstractions and so much more flooded her very essence. Then it was gone, replaced only by a floating bar above the now closed book. It stated, “IMPRINTING INFORMATION 2%”.
Looking up at a Kara she whispered, “What just happened?”
Kara sat back down and crossed her long legs, “You just downloaded the contents of that tome, several yottabytes of data, now your matrix has to make sense of it, hence the imprinting information bar. I will leave you now to consume the contents of this library, after that you should have the basics of everything you need to know about Humans and our technology.”
And with that Kara faded out of Kelly’s VR space. She looked down at her book, 6% complete, this was going to take a while… or was it? She smiled and reached for her frame-jack slider.
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I am a married female in a Long distance relationship
We have planned to visit in 2nd weekend may. I got stuff like bath salts candles colors petals to make the weekend stay wonderful i was planning on surprising him with wine
but should i go on doing such romantic stuff coz even after so many times that i have given him head he only once gave me oral and said it weird and disgusting i felt hurt though i have perfect hygiene and yet he never wants to do and i sent him flowers gifts and card on valentines ordered his favourite pastry when he was preparing for an exam I keep texting him nice things naughty things lovely stuff daily but not even once he says any of those by himself
i also want to be treated nice without asking for it something small but nice
I love him but at times i feel like im insufficient
if i ask why cant we talk longer he gets irritated and says i have to get up at 5am unlike you who can sleep all day (i am a full time medical professional) - that really hurt
so after that i never expect him to talk after 10:30pm
may 1 was holiday i thought we can talk on april 30 he said he wanted to watch game on TV as he was planning so long to watch along with friends . I was ok with that actually
I was excited the next morning (holiday) thinking we can talk I called him around 11 no response so i thought he would be resting i texted saying some cute stuff he left it on seen did not even respond. i texted something about travel difficulties and i wanted to change the meeting place he immediately called and said to try for the same place only and he cut the call (seriously i have been planning so hard continuously for 4 days) still i didn't feel bad. again in evening i called no response. i felt a little sad but i was waiting for his call
till 10pm that night i was at my breaktoom waiting for his call without having dinner or shower i thought ill talk to him in privacy do some naughty stuff over VC 10:15 i got frustrated and left and he gave missed call not even 2 rings at 10:30 his sleeping time
i felt so unwanted i felt like crying i went showered and ate dinner
i missed him so much i wore his grey tshirt after shower
i didn't want to talk to him but he made me call him and now he wants to talk to me and expects me to be as usual he said sorry but i was disappointed and he said we talk daily what more u want i really felt like crying
i cried
didn't sleep for the whole night
today i wanted to text him send some reel (he never responds anyways to my inta messages)
hereafter, apart from the allotted time ill not text or call
no more expectations from him
though i like doing romantic things ill stop hereafter whatever i feel like ill do it for myself
I think at this rate we will drift away
once i had abortion and he should have come to meet me (at that time he waiting for his placement at his parents place - he was not busy) im still not able to understand why he wouldn't come that day. i did not want to get married to him i even wanted to stop the marriage. Though I forgave him prior to marriage I am now subconsciously scared that he would abandon me
He has said multiple times not as a joke bit with conviction that he will not take responsibility of taking care of baby like helping me in feeding or changing or putting it to sleep he says always that I should have my mom with me after i get pregnant . and wants to put the kid in boarding school I asked him why to have a baby at all for that he said "I want to be a father " does he even know the meaning behind the term father
I SERIOUSLY DO NOT WANT KIDS IF HE RETAINS THIS ATTITUDE
At this point I don't know if Im just overthinking or Im genuinely scared

Hey everyone! Im the foundemod of this community and have been a fan of Ava Max since 2018. As such ive picked up information over the years and thought it would be cool to have a safe and friendly community to discuss Ava Max's dating life, and seriously like what famous celebrity does not have a website into gossip about there love life?! Its about time someone made one for Ava!
So here is the information I know related to her dating life
Her first kiss was between ages 8-14 with a guy behind her childhood home in Virginia. The reason I know the age range is she only lived in Virginia starting age 8 after moving due to severe bullying (something which continued through highschool). SOURCE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=RyA1Nf-OAqE
At age 17 she moved to LA with her brother trying to start her music carrier. During this time she worked many small jobs including a failed stint as a hairdresser. During this time she spiraled down a dark path having to survive on $20.00 a week which led her to intense drinking - though thankfully she had support from her two girlfriends, she also had to deal with sexual harassment during this time. From her comments about this point in time in her life it seems as she was not in a relationship or having sex during this time, though this is unverifiable.
SOURCE 1: https://vmagazine.com/article/ava-max-talks-debut-album-heaven-hell SOURCE 2:https://news.yahoo.com/ava-max-relatability-dating-dark-080000666.html
Her major break happened in 2014 three years later when she met Cirkut at a party and sang happy birthday to him. They then briefly dated after that but remained friends afterward.
SOURCE: https://www.iheartradio.ca/en/music-news/ava-max-opens-up-about-haters-her-canadian-ex-1.19307503.html
For the next six years she worked on her carrier, finally getting her big break with the release of Sweet but Psycho in 2018, four years later.
On Dec 18, 2020 her view on love was that it was a great thing and hinted she was with a special someone. Note - this was after the release of Heaven & Hell but before the release of Diamonds & Dancefloors.
SOURCE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JoWHhuo0LQ
However, just after the release of Diamonds & Dancefloors she mentioned that it was a rough time in her life when she wrote the album, and that she had two breakups within the last three years.
SOURCE: https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/ava-max-interview-diamonds-dancefloors-heartbreak-1234666692/
On Feb 23, 2023 a reporter wrote that she was making out with at least one person (though she had done this in some of her music videos, this seemed to be in a casual setting.)
SOURCE: https://www.nylon.com/entertainment/ava-max-diamonds-and-dancefloors
Her relational life has been filled with heartbreak as seen when she revealed she has been cheated on, gaslighted and that she hates "all" her exes (I am unsure whether she counts Cirkut in that category).
SOURCE: https://news.amomama.com/407467-ava-maxs-boyfriend-the-singer-was.html#:~:text=Although%20the%20pop%20singer%20has%20been%20private%20about,at%20Chateau%20Marmont%20in%20Los%20Angeles%20in%202014.
Her view on relationships seems to be searching for love as seen throughout many interviews. One thing I will note is she believes in getting to know someone before hooking up. She also loves romance, intrigue, duality, spice and adventure.
SOURCE: - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HY4T8WVT7Ww
Body Count: 2+ (References to sex and heartbreak are in her songs and she mentions at least two serious relationships, considering she is the person to date I would say the number of people she has been with is most likely within ten of that, though this is merely speculation based upon her personality type and values she has stated.)
Speculation: I am writing this section just as a sample to show what I expect from any articles that speculate on her past relationships, hookups etc. Unverifiable sources should ONLY be included in speculation articles.
There are places online saying she has dated Vanessa Kirby, though no photos, evidence or even testimonies have been found.
SOURCE: https://www.whosdatedwho.com/dating/ava-max
It is possible she could have been in a relationship with Madison Love as they had a major falling out and were at least close friends until Madison betrayed her (being the person who most likely leaked Diamonds & Dancefloors).
SOURCE: https://ava-max.fandom.com/f/p/4400000000000426689
I have tried to source information best I could from online and label speculation as such. Should any of you have additional information feel free to message me or request permission to post your own article. I hope everyone reading this has an amazing day or night! Stay awesome AVAtars!

Summary; TLDR
The student’s presentation turned (accidentally or on purpose) into an attempt to undermine my authority and the purpose of the assignment.
Long story
There was some attraction between me, a young teacher, a PhD student and her involvement too. I don’t know whether this is connected to her behaviour or not, but I found it important enough to mention this in the details below.
The first thing that kind of raised my eyebrows (this was about 3rd week of the semester) was that I heard her say in class to one of her male friends, that she thinks I am handsome. After this lecture, she approached me and asked me whether she could also attend other labs I have (despite being scheduled at labs of different teachers on different days). Since the standard practice in our department is usually to allow these transfers of students between the labs of the same class, I said that this is not a problem. Then something happened and she changed her behaviour. She hasn't attended my labs as she requested, and started to miss out on even the lectures in the original class and when she attended, she started to look extra bored, playing with her mobile all the time.
I tried to continue to sound professional 100% and I was trying to keep my distance from her. Way more than my friend, who is also a PhD student (one year more experienced than me) and who seems very attracted to her and now speaks to her basically like a friend to a friend. I partially blame him for this situation too, since he couldn't resist and couldn't draw more distinct borders between him and her (he also teaches her).
In recent weeks, it seemed that it all settled down. She started to attend my lectures again (I mean the ones that she should attend in the first place, not the second one).
But for the last two weeks, there was a presentation scheduled. Basically about any topic students find interesting, they should exhibit the right practice of presenting in front of a class. The week before, she asked me whether she could make this presentation “funny”. I said that's completely fine. Well... It turned out, it was not fine.
The incident
However, the presentation seemed to me not as an attempt to make a funny presentation, but an attempt to make fun of the assignment and undermine the ground of a whole class (and maybe to make fun of me and an attempt on purpose to undermine my authority in front of the class).
She ruined the day in my eyes. Everyone took this presentation seriously, even the ones who seemed bored the whole semester, took this seriously and it was all super nice and clean. Until she rushed late to the class, headed straight away to the computer, called me by my first name like we were some close friends (not sure, whether the class noticed, but I heard that pretty clearly) and started to present this in a way that she basically exhibited how much she doesn't give a sh** about this assignment, she said that she picked her data and topic just because she didn't know what else to do. Then, she asked the whole class whether they did it in the same way and then skipped the last slides in a rush by saying (“And there are some pictures because I needed to fill out the space”).
Some of the students laughed, some didn’t. I tried to stay cool, although I felt I was getting red-faced and felt like I wanted to be in a different place at that time. Thankfully, I think I managed it quite well since another student came to my lecture afterwards and was very polite and kind to me.
I told everyone about the positive rating right in the class. I tried to joke a little about her presentation and said that she probably followed the principles of “How not to do a presentation”, rather than “How to do a presentation” and then tried to swing the attention from her to my funny story related to her topic, because I feel like I needed to react, swing the attention from her ASAP and I couldn’t rate her presentation anyway, because I was too angry at that time.
Now I have the chance to write the rating and response and think it through.
What should I do to at least partially regain the respect of this student (and there is also a chance she shares my response, so authority to others is at stake)? Rate this presentation in a good way would be not fair to others who took this assignment seriously.
The worst thing is that she is partially right. The assignment was quite ridiculous (it was more of high school than college level) and it was not even my idea, but that’s the way it goes in university/the whole education system/job/and generally in life. Sometimes you gotta do something you don’t want to do. After all, students need to know how to do a presentation right to defend their thesis to receive the degree.
It is also tricky in the sense that the slides themselves look kind of funny and cute (that's why I agreed in the first place the week before), but the presentation itself with her lazy talking was a complete disaster.
How should I respond?

• Should I just write a cold and dry response that I could not rate her higher, because other students took this assignment seriously?
• Or should I ride the wave of not being serious with her? My best response I could come up with is: “I appreciate the attempt of being creative and original, however, I expected that this comedy skit would be even more funny?” (or something similar).
• Should I acknowledge that this assignment was not that great and that she was basically right? But that would be unfair to my colleagues and university and to the other students who took this seriously.
• Should I respond, that I don't care about her ruined presentation, but older professors in hard classes may not be so happy with this attitude?
• Should I ask her whether she found this assignment ridiculous and why?

So, here I am, probably overthinking my response. I already spent hours thinking about my response to her. But I feel like this may be the most important thing in my short career as a teacher. So far, I think I am quite popular among the students (I was voted to the faculty senate as a second from our department despite not actively promoting myself). They exhibited some dissatisfaction about doing some of the assignments (they said it took too much time). Otherwise, it was kind of good. I don’t want to ruin everything with my response now though.
I also feel like this situation will emerge in the future again, so I hope I haven't wasted my time wanting to handle this well.
I don’t want to sound like an idiot who can't take jokes, or like a weak teacher without any authority and I don’t have many experienced people to ask about what to do in my situation and I can't ask my friend since he is obviously biased toward her due to his attraction to her.
I feel like the position of PhD students teaching undergraduates is especially tricky in this manner. Because you are still kind of a student and you feel for the students, but you also need to be their teacher and leader and lead them in the right direction, so doing and saying stuff that may not be popular is probably a necessary part of this.
That’s why I’m asking you and trying the power of this sub.
Thanks so much just for reading this long post!

And I have no idea what to do about it. As of today it's been a week. We met online in July of 2022. I was 18 and she was 17. I know that we're young so it probably seems stupid to call her the love of my life, but right here and now I genuinely believe it. After a month of talking, I drove 18 hours from southern California to Washington state to meet her. She took my virginity. We had a magical visit. I fit into her life and for the first time I felt accepted.
On our first date, we sat by the river side and looked across the river, basking in the beauty of the scene. I remember telling her that I wished I could be there with her forever and never go home. I knew from the beginning how committed I was. I think why was committed too, she said she loved me. She said she loved me so many times. She made me believe it. I believed she loved me for me and nothing more.
For the next 8 months or so, we continued dating long distance while visiting each other every month or so. She was 18 at this point and working her way through her senior year of high school and I had just graduated. Our second visit, about a month after the first, she came to see me in California. My family fell in love with her as much as I did and she fell in love with them. It really truly looked like we fit into each other's lives. We shared three magical nights in a tiny home airbnb. It was beautiful and it never stopped being probably our fondest memory.
I came to visit her again in November and December. In November, i took a train right after our visit to go see my dad for Thanksgiving in Montana. That night, the train got delayed several times due to a fire on the track, and our sadness about leaving so soon slowly dissipated as each delay bought us more time. It was as if the universe was conspiring to buy us more time together. After that we would spend the new year together, then we would not see each other for a little while longer. Not until April of 2023, which was now a year ago.
In the interim, we had decided to get an apartment together. We were young and stupid and it probably never would have worked out, but we both seemed to really want to be together physically and that was how we would put the work in. We found a tiny, shitty one bedroom in her town and were ready to go. I visited about two weeks prior to moving in order to gague the apartment and make sure i wanted to go. That visit, I got cold feet and I spent hours sobbing on the floor wondering if I was strong enough to make the jump. I told her I'm sorry, but that I thought she should use this opportunity to commit to her dream school in Oregon. However, when I got home, I changed my mind again, but it was too late for her. She was committed to going to her dream school at that point, she hadn't realized how much she wanted it until I let her want it. I tried to change her mind for the next week or so to no avail, and she believes now in retrospect that this was the beginning of the end.
We reached a compromise. I would move in with her family the same day I was originally supposed to leave for the apartment, and we would spend the next few months together until she leaves for school. The first couple of months were great, they were domestic and wonderful, but she was the only good thing in my life there. I was originally going to go to school up there but lost the motivation to commit to anything. I couldn't make friends, i had a shitty fast food job I hated. Other than her, everything sucked, and I could not return back home since my parents had already rearranged things so all of my siblings could have their own rooms. They were not able to make room for me again.
She left for a dental mission to Cambodia that June and I fell into a dark place. I started drinking and talked to some people I knew she wouldn't want me to talk to, including a friend I used to have feelings for. She wouldn't know about this event until October, and all I did was tell that friend I missed and was thinking about her, i was drunk and lonely, and I honestly forgot it happened. She came back home and things were fine, I perked up a little bit and tried looking for work in the trades but nothing would stick. I felt her start to grow distant. We both gained weight and she became less interested in intimacy and started sleeping earlier and earlier and the lack of sex and attention began to bug me, but i felt too trapped to tell her. If i made the wrong move, I would have been homeless without her.
I did not take her leaving for college that August well at all. I was miserable the entire time I drove her there, and we had a hard time sleeping that night, in part due to us sleeping on an air mattress with a hole in it. It was hard to say goodbye, but I did my best to be happy for her. Her school was beautiful, I wish I could have gone with her but it was too expensive and I would have never gotten the scholarships she got. I drove home incredibly sad, and those next couple of months without her I fell into a deep depression and she could tell I blamed her.
She was only 4 hours away, so she would try and visit every other weekend. I didn't appreciate this enough. My depression was too overwhelming. She would try and comfort me but I found myself shutting her out. All i wanted to do was rot and be alone in her parents house while they were frequently out of town.
She came to visit in October and all hell broke loose. She went through my discord on my computer. My aforementioned friend and I had been occasionally in contact, talking every month or two when I told my girlfriend that there was no contact at all, mostly because she seemed very upset whenever there was contact. I should have just gone no contact with the girl in the first place, but I had few friends and wanted to have my cake and eat it too. We had a fight and she almost broke up with me, but we got through it. I blocked the girl and we agreed to try and power through and learn to trust again.
I began to recover around November when we went to visit my dad together, and that winter I found new meaning in life by resigning myself to try and break into IT and go to online school to give myself things to do. I began to fall back in love with her properly and things looked up a little bit that winter. We encountered our issues with sex. But I found a job in my dad's town that I decided to take, making me leave before her winter break was over which broke her heart. I gave her as much time as I could, but I could tell she was hurting. My last week there she was very sick and I took care of her. I was happy to do this, but it meant our last memories were even sadder. After I left, I didn't comfort her right those first few days after I left. I was upset that she was so upset when she had also left me just a few months prior. She had wanted me to do more things for myself, and I was, and she was sad. I should have just comforted her. I want to go back and comfort her now, see her happy. Eventually I would try to comfort her, but the extra distance proved very hard. After two weeks, she tried breaking up with me the first time. I was talking to her about schools in Montana to see if maybe she could move here, and I got irritated by her being unable to commit and she said it was too much pressure, but we were able to reconcile and I promised her she was enough where she was. About a week later, she tried breaking up again due to our issues with intimacy, but again we talked it their and got back together the same night. Then we broke up a third time when she found out I had said goodbye to my aforementioned friend without telling her. She said she couldn't handle any lying anymore, but we agreed to try and just do a break instead. The break only lasted a few days before we agreed to let me come into town to see her and we shared a sad visit. This would have been right before Valentine's Day at this point.
We came back, but we started bickering more and more. She was spending less time with me and doing things with friends she didn't like doing with me like drinking and it upset me. I grew more and more insecure after the breakups and tried to go up to bat for myself and it created a hostile environment. We were fighting multiple times a week, but things started looking up a couple of weeks before the breakup. I visited her for her spring break and everything went really well until we were sad we had to leave. The fighting grew less frequent, but we did have a fight about drinking again and then our final fight was about whether or not I would have been able to go to school with her. It sounded like she was telling me it cost less than she had initially told me and I was irritated because I made my decision not to go based off of a lack of communication from her. I kind of knew that this wasn't the case. I knew I was getting tunnel vision with these fights and tried to see a way out of it but I was obsessing over finding solutions to every disagreement and she seemed more like she just wanted to let go. She said that if I was going to obsess over things from months ago, she was breaking up with me, and that would be it.
We spoke two more times that night but could not reconcile this time. I tried letting her go softly, but I kept reaching out due to anxiety. Then, I made a big mistake. She was still signed into discord on my computer and I saw she was already planning to hookup with one of her friends when she gets back home. This was just two days after our relationship ended. I immediately called her and we had our biggest fight ever. It was the first time i ever really truly yelled at her. She didn't see anything wrong with what she was doing, she said it would just be fucking, that there were no feelings but that didn't help at all. That night was supposed to be the last night we ever spoke, but we calmed down and agreed to touch base when she gets back from school. Later that day she said she wouldn't hook up with anyone just yet and that she was glad we caught that she was having kind of a crazy episode, but that she was mad at me for going through her discord.
I knew I needed to work on things. My lying. My insecurity. My anxiety. I started counseling over the phone with some on call counseling my insurance offers. We talked about attachment styles and that I seem to have an anxious attachment and the girl I love has an avoidant one and what that means and what secure attachments look like. They ended up helping assign me a full time therapist to start working through things with. I had my first appointment Monday afternoon but we didn't really work through things we just sorta got to know each other. She thinks I may be bipolar or have OCD but we're not at the point of being sure yet. I'm making steps to get better, but I'd be lying if it wasn't mostly because I want her back. She's wanted me to do therapy for a long time. Now I am.
I couldn't keep the space. I started working on a letter about everywhere I went wrong and the ways I could be better and about how I view things. I poured my whole heart into that letter. I ended up not being able to wait to send it until I knew she'd be coming back to school and I called her the night of my therapy appointment to read it to her. She did a very good job of listening but said she wasn't changing her mind. She was proud of me for seeking help but that was about it. She said there might be things to think about but only if she wants to. I didn't speak to her at all the next day except to apologize for breaking the space the previous night. I wanted to dedicate myself to not reach out until she's ready, but the next day (last night) I asked if she wanted to be no contact. She said she thinks she does but then started talking about her feelings so I engaged with her. She talked about how well she's doing and I talked about how happy it makes me to see and how much I love her. She said if I cared about her at all, I'd stop trying to get her back. But i had to make my pitch. I told her I'm working on myself and I wanna be the perfect boyfriend she fell in love with. She listened as I spoke. She said she wants to open up her heart and that she's trying to do so but she can't. She said she doesn't wanna be in any relationship at all right now and is enjoying the freedom of no more expectations to call me or make sure I'm doing well, and being able to take care of only herself. But I still love her. I'd be willing to let this all go and forgive all the breakups and forgive us separating physically and forgive her for moving on so quick to trying to hookup with new people and I would make sure I never box her in like I used to ever again. I told her all of this. I thought I felt a wall come down for a moment. But she had to go and we ended that conversation.
Later that night I asked a quick question to her again. I asked if she would let me have our last conversation in person rather than on the phone, just to see each other one final time and she agreed to see me on the 13th. She did not seem happy about it though, but I'm hoping that was just for constantly reaching out. She doesn't seem to think it will change anything, I think she just mostly wants to give me closure but I'm hoping she uses this time to think and try opening up one last time so we can reconnect when I go to visit her. I miss her so much, I'm not ready to let go. I was happy she agreed.
I fell into a dark place after though and made another mistake. I got really drunk and called her and vented for about an hour. I don't remember much of the conversation, she said I was saying beautiful things she keeps saying I'm saying all the right things and that they're beautiful but she's not changing her mind. The only part that stands out to me looking back at that conversation was that she said she doesn't love me anymore. She still cares and wants me to be okay and is fond of me, but doesn't love me anymore since that love is for herself now.
I can't remember much else from that and I wish I could. I'm at work right now. I called a counselor earlier just looking for a way forward. The counselor was willing to give me hope up until I kept talking and eventually she was convinced that the girl I love is just done. That was horrible to hear. I want to be better. I know I'd really truly be better for her this time and I want to show her. I know in a billion possible different futures, there's one sequence of events where her and I work through this and come out stronger. I just need to know how to maximize my chances. I'll take any advice I can get other than letting go. I need to know if there's still a chance. I need to know if couples can come back from this. I'm in pain, and I forgive her for everything and I want that to be enough. I know I can move on from this pain if she comes back. I know she still has love for me and that she just can't feel it right now. What we had was truly special and right now I'm only talking about the negative because i wanna take accountability and she can only see the negative because she's feeling relieved that we won't be fighting anymore but there's so much good that I know will be missed and I want to get in touch with that. I wanna get in touch with the pure and innocent love we started with. I wanna know the sequence of events to get her back. I wanna know the right thing to do when I see her in less than two weeks now. If anyone has any advice, please, i need help. I can't get her out of my mind for even a single second and I wanna work this out. Has anyone ever come back from this? I have never felt this lost. She's my first love and I would like for her to be my last. I just need some hope right now, this hopelessness is crushing and no one is able to offer me any hope in my support system and she's trying not to give me any hope but I feel like it's just because she wants space. I want to give it to her and hope that helps things and hope she decides she's capable of reopening her heart. Is that really all I can do?
(Repost with title changed)

I've been having issues sleeping for the past year, would frequently wake up in the middle of the night in pain and was struggling to fall asleep.
My girlfriend came to this sub after googling ideas to help people with AS sleep better, and stumbled upon a post about pregnancy pillows helping. She ordered one for me as a surprise and I got it last Friday, and I LOVE THIS THING!
Falling asleep is so much easier now and for the past week I've been able to stay asleep and fall asleep faster. Before my symptoms kicked in I was a side sleeper, but for the past year sleeping on my side put too much pressure on my hips and shoulders.
The pregnancy pillow takes a ton of pressure off my shoulders and hips and I can finally sleep relatively comfortably on my side again.
This was the pillow she ordered for me. I found it was most comfortable sleeping on my side facing the long end of the pillow so I could hug it while wrapping my legs around it at the same time.
I hope this helps someone else sleep better like it did for me!
(reposting this thread as the previous one was removed by reddit due to the way I shared a link to the pillow)

This is my first time writing anything like this about my life so I'm sorry if it's too long as there's a lot to unpack and I want to just lay everything out to get the best advice to help my decision.
I come from a family of 6. There was me, my mother, father and three sisters. I'm the youngest and there's an 8 year gap between me and my sisters, who only have around a one year gap between each of them. Growing up it was always World War 3 in our house with them as when they were in their teens the three of them shared a room. The sister in question, "Sarah", is the middle in age of the three, "Winifred" the oldest and "Mary" the youngest.
Sarah has always been the least like any of us, we're all very different, both in personality and looks, it's been pointed out multiple times by friends how different we all are from each other, but Sarah has always carried an air of superiority I've never seen in the rest of my family.
The one trait me and my siblings share would be we all have/had put ourselves first, which can be a good thing but can lean into selfishness pretty easily, a problem that plagued my personality until I met my husband who helped me see the difference in putting myself first and being a selfish AH.
Sarah has never been the type to let anything go. She always brings up things that happened when my sisters were teenagers (they're all in their 40s now) along with embellishing or completely fabricating things that have happened that make her out to be completely blameless. She retells these story's over and over until she genuinely believes them and then throws a tantrum when one or more of us correct her. I remember arguments Sarah would have with my parents that always ended up with her storming out of the house, she tends to run away from problems.
Sarah and my mother have never seen eye to eye. In many ways they're too similar, always need the last word, headstrong, never apologizing, the need to always be right and they obsess way too much about what people think (in different ways, Sarah cares about how people/ strangers perceive her and her families manners/ social status and success, my mother is particularly obsessive on people knowing details about her personal life and is a very private person). It's always been my view that Sarah has always lacked my mother's warmth and her honesty (mostly to a fault but she would always try and spare someone's feelings and bite her tongue when she really needed to). Sarah's name calling about my other sisters was always a main spark to her and my mothers arguments.
Her and Winifred got on well for the most part from what I remember, and when we all got older she was fine to talk to. There were even a few times when my father was sick, myself, Sarah and Winifred had some bonding time which was nice.
Several years ago Mary was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia ( severely effects her central nervous system, can cause wide spread pain and can easily cause fatigue) and a few years ago she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. She had a full hysterectomy and the cancer seems to be a memory but this still wasn't enough for Sarah to not belittle Mary and her, what Sarah calls "life choices". Mary has struggled with her weight since she was a teenager and Sarah never held back in letting her know her opinions on it.
It's common knowledge in our family that Sarah has always been ashamed of where she comes from and would always be embarrassed by how my mother and Mary acted and spoke (little filter and Sarah considers this candour and how they speak "lower class" ). Mary has always Sarah's verbal punching bag, both to her face and behind her back but has always disliked when people, mainly my mother, would call her out and tell her to stop. The most recent example of this I was told about was that at my wedding, she made a nasty comment about the dress Mary was wearing. Months later my mother mentioned it in an argument to Sarah that her sister (my aunt) overheard Sarah's remarks and made a disapproving face. Sarah apparently just walked away from the conversation. The next day my aunt called my mother and asked that she "not be involved in my family's drama". My mother, confused asked her what she meant and my aunt said that Sarah drove (1.5 hours) to her house to confront her about it even though it happened just short of a year before.
For years our father had been desperately trying to get my mother to agree for them to move and downsize homes so they could enjoy their retirement with a little extra money but she was extremely reluctant to leave the family home due to a combination of leaving happy memories behind and being afraid of such a big change.
Then one day, Sarah offered to give up some of her land for them to live on as a cheaper option. I think we all agreed it was a good idea and we were all so surprised by what seemed to be generosity, it blindsided us all and we mistook it as her turning over a new leaf. Our father was all for the idea as him and Sarah agreed it was good to be near family in their golden years.
I replay my parents asking my advice on this over and over in my head, as in hindsight it was obviously an awful idea. But like Winifred and Mary, I agreed it would be the best move.
Their original idea was for them to get a tiny home and have it about 100 yards from Sarah's home. Sarah entertained that idea for a short while but convinced them a built small property attached to their home would be better.
The family home was nearly 2 hours drive away from Sarah's home so her and her husband took charge with contractors and overseen almost anything to do with the build if my parents couldn't make it.
The first quote, pre-build, they received was 50k. But in the end it tripled into 150k. Over the course of the build Sarah had changed things, the location of the front door, which was now facing the window to her home office (which is her main place of work), and back door, which changed to face the back of Sarah's house ( I know this all seems like major red flags but again, her and her husband convinced them it was to do with not damaging parts of her property and what seemed like other valid reasonings).
Cut to the house being built, selling the family home and them moving in, it wasn't long until our father became ill. First we noticed his memory wasn't as sharp as it was, then he had difficulty driving and had to stop completely. It was around this time and slightly after the sale of their house Sarah started pestering him for a loan. He told me this himself, at first it was suggesting they bring everyone on a big holiday, then it was saying it would be nice to give all their kids 20k and how it would be nice to see us enjoy it. She eventually wore him down and he loaned her 20k, I'm assuming to get her off his back. At some point after she booked a trip to New York, brought 2 suitcases, one of which was empty but came back with them both packed full. I know it was her business what she wanted the money for but even if it was for a shopping trip she could have had the decency to conceal it a bit better. She promised him time and time again she'd pay him back. He never seen a penny. Previous to this he offered Winifred the same amount as she was going through a divorce and it would have gone to a house for her to move out, she thanked him for offering but turned it down and said she'd be ok. She didn't tell him that it was because she thought it wasn't right to accept money from him knowing he was sick as he was a very proud man.
My father was the best man I've ever known. Incredibly down to earth, very open and friendly and could make friends at the drop of a hat. I remember a couple of vacations when we were kids. Thousands of miles from home he'd bump into old friends of his.
He was the kind of person who rarely got a cold so his decline was obvious to everyone. It was a year of being misdiagnosed until he was finally correctly diagnosed with stage four liver cancer, which had moved to his lung and towards the end, a part of his brain.
His last month was the worst time of my entire life. The arguments, the tears, My mother and one of my sisters (I can't remember who) caught covid so we had to juggle who could be where. It was also the first time in nearly 20 years all of us were together for longer than a day.
Myself and Winifred were lucky enough to have bosses that were very understanding and adjusted our schedules so we were given the month off to be with our family.
As I said Sarah works from home and sees clients from her home office. She maintained her regular work schedule while we were all meters away. I understand that was her choice but it seems like odd while our father was literally wasting away in his bed, especially since she works for herself so has a pretty good control of when she can work.
Our father was such a strong person. Every palliative nurse that came were more and more taken aback with each visit that he was still with us.
We all said our individual goodbyes and promises to look after each other when his condition had advanced too much not to, and the next morning, he passed.
He had a special relationship with all of us and things Sarah has said since his passing leads me to believe she thought hers was the only one that mattered.
The funeral ceremony was quick (as per his wishes). We elected Sarah to be the one to give the eulogy as the rest of us have anxiety issues with public speaking, but we read what she was going to say a few days before the ceremony. I was the first one to read what she wrote and noticed a bulk of the corrections were changing "My Dad" to "Our Dad", I wouldn't have mentioned it but there were even times even in conversation I would correct her on this, it may seem insignificant but it's just something that really bothered me. I mean when siblings talk about their parents to each other is normal to just say "mom" or "dad" to each other.
There was light food and drinks in a local bar afterwards. As there were so many arguments the previous month between Winifred, Sarah, Mary & my mother, me and my husband were really the only people making conversation with her and her husband, apart from the odd distant relative or two. A week or so later Sarah flew off to New York, something she tried to conceal from my mother but she forgot she mentioned it to her almost a year before. There was yet another huge argument between Winifred & Sarah when Sarah thought Winifred told my mother this big secret. This is another trait Sarah and my mother share, forgetting they say things and to whom. When asked why she was so mad if my mother knew she was going away was something along the lines of "Because I didn't want to give her any ammunition use and tell everyone at the funeral". My mother is a chronic complainer who has never seen the bigger picture in social situations, but she knows better than that. Plus she had just lost her husband of 46 years who was also her best friend of 50, something I think Sarah will never see
The last two years without our father have not gotten any better, Winifred was diagnosed with breast cancer, started chemo, then discovered it has spread to her other breast, all while looking after 2 teenagers with CF and going through a divorce to a deplorable human being who seems to take pleasure in making her miserable. When Sarah heard the news of the divorce she offered to attend court with her, Winifred told me she yelled at her and her representation for not saying enough in court and then later told my mother "I only helped her because she has cancer".
When going on vacation with her family Sarah told my mother days before there departure and I later found out her children caught chicken pox but she took them on the plane anyway. My mother does not drive and there is no stores that are easily accessible for her.
Sarah was also diagnosed with a cancerous tumor in her colon. Both have had treatments and they seem to be on the mend.
The relationship between Sarah and my mother did not get any better in fact Sarah's partner Billy became a reluctant go between for them both.
After our father passed, my mother asked Billy could her utility bills be altered as she was still paying half of everything, even though there was four people in their house (2 kids) and she was now on her own. His response was no and that her and our father agreed to split utilities evenly. We advised my mother to organize a pre-pay electric meter for her part of the house so she could manage it properly. Shortly after, Sarah and Billy stopped using the jacuzzi they recently purchased as it was too expensive for them to run.
One month my mother paid €400, the next month €200, 2 months later it was €500, there's no way a pensioner living on her own could rack up half of those bills (The average household here only gets their oil refilled once every 3-6 months). She also bought a free standing gas bottle heater in her main living area and had her upstairs radiators were turned off to try and limit the usage as she never really went up there. I will add that Sarahs business requires a somewhat constant use of energy so even a 50/50 split of bills seemed unfair. Since our fathers passing, my mother would also spend days at time either with me, Winifred or Mary, but she paid it anyway just to not have any arguments.
She made one small payment of about 4% of the total 20k to my mother before our father passed and laid out a payment plan to her about how much she'd pay each month. There were no further payments. A year later Sarahs family dog got seriously ill and needed a surgery that would cost 1300 and asked my mother to lend her this money & my mother, being soft hearted loaned it to her. She did make an attempt to pay my mother back but again, one small payment was made and no more. Each time my mother brought up the money she'd brush her off and not speak to her for a while. The longest was 3 weeks with zero contact, and remember, she lived right beside her and my mother doesn't drive and it would be impossible for her to walk to a store. If it weren't for Myself and Winifred constantly checking in my mother would have just rationed the food she had. We had suggested to arrange a food delivery in the past but Sarah and Billy didn't want strangers to know the code for the gate to the property, but knowing she hadn't spoken to our mother for 3 weeks and didn't care enough to ask if she needed anything in the store forced my hand to arrange one anyway.
Everything that's happened with Sarah has made us seriously re-think everything she said has happened in her life, and a pattern we've noticed is that she's pushed away all her serious partners family from them. Her first serious boyfriend of 7-8 years, then her ex husband and her current husband Billy. First it would start with their mother or sisters, small squabbles at here and there, then on a weekly basis, followed by a giant falling out which would result in her partners only seeing their family on occasion and eventually cutting contact. At the time we all took her at her word: their mothers didn't want their sons taken away, they were rude, they were jealous of her independence etc. But seeing her push us all away and seeing the same thing happen to us we all feel incredibly foolish.
Sarah has done and said some pretty horrible stuff over the years. I can't remember specific times or dates and some may seem trivial but these ones just stuck with me:
- When Winifred was fighting with my mother over something trivial, she suggested "keep your kids away from her (my mother), that will hurt her". She's always used her children under the guise of care anytime they had a disagreement, to try and manipulate the argument in her favour. On several occasions my mother would wave to them playing outside or walking by her window and they'd rapidly put their heads down as if being scolded, so god knows what Sarah has ben saying to them. While we were helping my mother was move out, my niece came inside and she was in tears because my mother was not there for her birthday a few weeks before. She asked her why she didn't come out to her, why she didn't see her on her birthday and asked why she was moving and if she still loved her. Taken aback when she heard this she said of course she told her she loved her and she always would, she told her once she has a phone she could call her every day if she wanted, she explained she needed to be somewhere she could go grocery shopping and have things close to her home. I wasn't thee for the whole interaction but when my niece left my mother said the things my niece said were things Sarah had said to my mother in the past verbatim.
- Bringing her kids on a plane to vacation while they (1 or both I can't remember) had chicken pox.
- Casually mentioning to my mother about money she has left from the sale of the house and what pension she’s getting and how much (some of my mothers post had gone missing)
- She once ran away from home when she was a teenager for several weeks because my parents gave her an 11PM curfew
- Always passing comment and keeping tally about how much her or her children received for birthdays or any kind of milestone event (most recently my aunt gave her son €30 and it was the first thing she mentioned when she talked about my aunt not staying until the end for her sons birthday, something along the lines of "€30? What can he buy with that?" He just turned 12 and we only see this aunt a couple of times a year. (Also I give all my nieces and nephews that amount for birthdays and Christmas so hearing this made me re-think all her past thank yous)
- Decades of berating Mary and putting her down, always about her weight or the way she acted (hyperactive, no filter etc)
- Admitting to Winifred that she decided to build a barrier at the end of her patio to make my mother take a less direct route and, in-turn, from "looking into her house" when she needed access the trash, but told us all it was a wind barrier. My mother has always preferred to keep her own blinds shut so she's usually adamant on not looking in other peoples houses.
- After divorcing her first husband my parents took her in until she had somewhere to live. Sarah was insistent on compensating them and our father eventually accepted as she wouldn't let it go. Months later during a heated argument she said they never cared for her, to which they argued that they recently asked her to live with them after her divorce, and without missing a beat she replied calmly "you were well paid for that"
-While our father was in decline he wasn't very verbal and his motor skills weren't the best, one time she brought her and her family out for waffles, she posted a photo of them in the car, and on inspection I noticed he is holding a knife, backwards trying to eat, I still think about this photo regularly because it just angers me that she mostly wanted to be seen taking care of him, without first seeing if he was even able to eat. She documents almost every activity her and her family do, which is fine, but it really calls into question if any of it is for the sake of the activity and trying to capture the moment for her family to remember, or just to be seen doing it. Another instance of this was each morning if it wasn't her turn to stay up for the night shift, the palliative care nurse would arrive Sarah would bring everyone breakfast, but if the nurse wasn't there there'd be nothing, which I know she didn't owe anyone and I shouldn't expect good deeds from people, but she'd also be in to see our father much later those days.
- Once my parents moved into the house, not a week had passed and her and Billy would say things such as "you know we're not your carers so if it comes to it you should have something arranged" and there was always snide comments about how they built their property on her kids play area, suggesting it was an inconvenience and big of her to let them build but I don't think she's ever thought how my parents chose to spend their retirement years with her and her kids. Both my parents had told me this and we were all appalled.
- While our father was unconscious towards the end, my mother just asked Billy about an additional €5 on her utility bill. He said the internet went up and my mother either just asked when or that she didn't know it increased. He left and then 20 minutes or so later, Sarah marched in and loudly exclaimed something like "Do you think Billly is a thief or something?!". This could normally be passed off as a somewhat regular family argument, but it was generally agreed between all of us that my father could still hear us. There were certain reactions when my mother would speak to him, or when I played him his favourite songs, so her choice to start a fight about this with our dying father inches away still infuriates me.
- My mother was an avid gardener, but when she got to Sarah's land she only allowed her to have 4 plant pots at the back of the house. So many times I remember waking up with her already outside, she'd have her visor on with dirt on her clothes waving to me in the kitchen. I've been asking her what plans she has for her garden now it's taking a lot of encouragement from the rest of us for her to get back into it now she has the space.
- When me and my sisters were alone while my father was sick, we were talking about my mother and how she would cope with life when my father passed. He was responsible for everything, bills being paid on time, insurance etc. Her finances came up and Winifred asked the room if she'll have enough coming in to live off. Sarah, with a combined covetous and grudging tone I'll never forget, listed off payments my mother would be getting and ended with a " so she'll be fine" and then scanned the room for our reactions. I immediately responded with "Oh thank god, I was so worried she'd be struggling", shocked by my relieved response she stared at me for a couple of seconds and then shifted to a softer tone "Oh yeah she'll be ok" then changed the subject. I know this is conjecture, but I know my sister. Her repeated mentioning of my parents money and her general obsession with how much people have, I know she was hoping for us all to join in on what I know would have been an acquisitive rant.
- Close to our fathers end, I could only bare to be at the top of his bed. It was too much for me too look at him. This shell of a person, who was so strong in life was now half his body weight and all my family in agony around him. When it got too much for me I'd ask someone (occasionally Sarah) to sit with him while I called my husband for support and to help me through it. I later found out she brought this up against me and said I was a wreck and kept running off and my sleep breaks were too long (I stayed up for 24-30 hours at a time so I was the only one to sleep more than 5 hours). Who is she to monitor how anyone grieves. She could go into Billy whenever it got too much so she had her support system right there.
I'm sure Sarah is a good mother to her children, as they're both always so happy and care free, but Sarah sees the rest of us all as this big stain on her life she's more than happy to wash out. She's said this in some form of another several times to my mother over the past few years, "I don't need any of you, I have my family, they're there for me". I've never been the most involved in all of my sister's life, but I always make sure to never miss a Christmas or birthday for them and I always send money or buy gifts for her children, I've sent her flowers when she was unwell and when she received her diagnosis, but with everything she's done even the idea of keeping up the pretence of civility puts a bad taste in my mouth.
My mother has recently bought a new house and looking at her it's like a light switch has turned back on. I haven't seen her so relaxed and happy since my father was alive. The years living on Sarah's land she barely decorated and never really got comfortable. But the same day of moving in the first thing she did was put up one or two stuffed animals and other trinkets. Our mother decided to keep buying a house a secret to not cause an argument with Sarah as it was too draining and Sarah would make an argument out of anything my mother said. When she had signed the papers she decided to message Sarah to tell her she was leaving (Sarah had decided to not speak with her at all and for months had only spoke to her through Billy, but if my mother was outside while Sarah was with a client she would wave and say hello to her) her response was very nonchalant with a "that's your decision" all of us expected a huge reaction as it was the norm.
A part of me thinks maybe this was her end game all along, not speaking to my mother, not helping her with groceries and never having time to knock on her door to see if she was even alive. Sarah's last words to my father while he was unconscious were that she was going to try and make it work with my mother and my mother promised the same. With 2 kids and a business to run she's always so busy so any text messages my mother would always sign off with "I'm her if you need me, you know I'm always here" and varying ways to let her know the ball was very much in Sarah's court. Myself, Mary and Winifred all have been visiting my mother from hours away so I don't know why she expects my mother to be the one walk 15 meters to her front door, one time my mother tried and she was greeted with Sarah's arm literally blocking the doorway to stop her from coming in. It's my view that Sarah's last words to my father were a complete and utter lie to him, a lie she can never take back or explain and I hope it haunts her.
The way Sarah has acted and the things she has said since my father’s passing it’s obvious she has warped the memory of who my dad was and it couldn't be more wrong. Being the youngest, quiet, and sort of on my own a lot growing up I was always a very observant person. My father worshiped my mother, they were best friends, did absolutely everything together, he always took her side about everything, every argument, every situation, he was her number one fan and it never faltered no matter what, they were always a united front. I know he would be incredibly ashamed and appalled of what Sarah and Billy have put my mother through, squeezing her for every penny, being incredibly cold and not even feigning that they care, although through outside sources she's painted a completely different picture, to which my mother and sisters have used pain remover each and every time. To Sarah, she lost her father and her father only. She is starting chemo soon and sources say things are looking better for her health wise but I'd still like advice.
Thank you.

I got the Switchbot motion sensor for my birthday, and I need help with it…
On the package it says it can be connected to Google Home (my main smart home platform). And it can, but it just doesn’t work. Google home recognizes it as a light.
I had to find a solution to automate my light with the sensor. Lucky for me, my lights can also be connected to Amazon Alexa, so can the sensor. When that idea came up, I felt like an absolute genius! 🧠
So I made an Alexa account a connected all of my lights and motion sensor to it. And it al worked perfectly! I was almost dancing in my room, but I celebrated too early…
I made a routine, when my Switchbot motion sensor detected movement -> it would turn on the lights. But it didn’t worked. When I moved on in front of the sensor, it sees me, in the Alexa app and the Switchbot app. But it didn’t started my routine.
My question: How to solve this??? I am really frustrated about it because it was a birthday gift. But I can’t find anywhere to solve this problem. Maybe I am the only one and is it a problem with the sensor or the connection. But please help me…
(I do have the Switchbot hub mini!)

I want to but a laptop from Flipkart and it has offer from SBI credit card worth 10k. I applied for the card yesterday but any idea how long does it really take to get the card ?
The offer only stands till 5th May I guess. Any ideas?