(Warning: really long computer nerd rant ahead) Mar7aba.
I'm starting university really soon inshallah and since I'm gonna be majoring in Computer Science, I've decided to finally replace my Macbook Pro of 7 years and since I've been using and developing on Linux as a hobby on this Macbook for the past 3 years, it's my preferred environment and I've decided I want to continue using it as a main operating system... so that makes my next computer decision very much clear... a Thinkpad, or Elitebook, or any laptops of that sort. Main thing these two share is that they're certified to run Linux therefore compatibility and support from Lenovo and HP is guaranteed, and you can buy them without an OS for a discount, which is what I plan to do, though I've started noticing a pattern in stores like Xcite, Wibi and whatever other online stores....

They barely have AMD Ryzen versions of any business laptop, or even most flagship laptops??

Outside of budget laptops, really random configurations or really high end stuff, there seems to be no (online) store selling AMD versions of various Thinkpads, Elitebooks or even Ryzen versions of popular gaming laptops like the Dell G15 or ROG G14! Does Kuwait prefer Intel that much? are brands not bothering to ship AMD stock? or are retailers simply not bothering for some reason?
My reasoning for wanting Ryzen moving aside AMD's good history with Linux is that they're generally more power efficient compared to the current Intel lineup that is out in Kuwait right now (13th gen Intel), while having decent integrated GPUs for the times where I might require good-enough graphical performance (I really don't need much! just something eqv. to the Steam Deck, which current AMD provides with their iGPUs) , unlike some Thinkpad configurations sold by WiBi which give you a power hungry i7 CPU, alongside a really weak Nvidia dGPU (MX550) that would consume more power, for the same performance as an AMD Radeon iGPU...
I've heard many mention Ibn Khaldoon street, but I haven't had the chance to visit yet so I don't have a clue about what stores might have there, but if anyone frequents there, please tell me if you've seen AMD versions of the Thinkpad E14, L14 or T14, as they're the models I'm most interested in at this moment. (alongside the Elitebook 845, which is the AMD version of the 84x series)
Enough rambling about AMD though, I've also been interested in Intel's latest laptop CPUs, Core Ultra series (Meteor Lake), where they claim (and have) similar or slightly better performance than AMD's CPUs and iGPUs, and all the laptops I'm interested in have Core Ultra variants, and have had them for months, yet even WiBi which regularly stocks Elitebooks and Thinkpads haven't stocked them yet... not even consumer and gaming laptops with these chips have come to Kuwait yet despite being available in the UAE for what seems to be a good couple months now... (and no, I'm not going to book a holiday just to buy a random laptop 😛)
So does anyone in the know about how computer and laptop sales work in Kuwait know why retailers don't stock Ryzen laptops as much as Intel? or why retailers are so painfully slow in releasing new CPU generations to consumers? Worst case scenario I'll end up buying one of the configurations WiBi sells on their website and just deal with the worse battery / performance... but we'll see....

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So I helped my buddy get a residency in one of Nairobi's swanky nightlife spots. Every Thursday. But this Tuesday he calls me up, says they want him to play a random party crowd that showed up for a Salsa event but ended up sticking around. So he calls me up and couple hours later we're at the venue.
The place is comfortably full, Caribbean vibes.. there's a team handling the music for the event so we allow the guys to complete their set in about an hour before my boy takes over.
I find a less crowded spot upstairs that's got a nice bird's-eye view of the whole joint and I stay perched, just scanning the crowd.. giggling at the two-left-footed muzungu men. I'm not racist but most middle-aged Caucasian men can't dance to save their lives.. but I digress.
Then I see her. Beautiful face, faux loks, I can tell she's lightskin despite the mixed hue emanating from the club's ambient lighting. She's at a group table but doesn't seem like she knows the rest of them at the table. I'm waiting on her man to re-join her because how can this drop-dead gorgeous babe be by herself? And she's half Indian.. is she? Ama it's the music? lol. I'm pressed.
I motion to my patna to check her out. She's pretty, right? No man is bothering her, none has come to talk to her after what seems like 20 minutes. She's on her phone briefly, then puts it down and closes her eyes.. seems like she's bored. What am I waiting for?
Son of Nyakweba, the last Uji bender, tall, dark, handsome and well fed on matoke will seize the opportunity. I descend down the flight of stairs, go round her table and approach her. She's looks better upclose.
I whisper some nothing in her ear and she turns to face me with a smile. I ask if the stool next to hers is taken. Of course it's empty but y'know, it's part of the ruse. Plus by now I can confirm she's by herself. When I ask her why she looks bored she seems surprised then says she's just enjoying her own company. We banter some more and I notice she keeps glancing over at the dance floor.
Teketeke I pick up the cue and take her hand instinctively, asking her to dance with me. She says she's been watching guys come and ask other ladies at her table to dance all night long and overlooking her. One glance at the others at the table and I know why. The other girls are okay but her beauty is intimidating. A younger me would've been scared to approach her too.
We're doing the Mambo now and I'm spinning her like a bottle top :'D we laugh it out and its all good vibes. I need a break after a while and we relocate to the quieter upper deck where I'd first spotted her from.
She sits on my lap and shares her drink 🍸 with me after outrightly refusing me to buy us another round saying she's already tipsy. We talk some more and get up to get down when our favourite songs come on, taking breaks in between.
I kiss her on the cheek at some point when she comes to sit on my lap and she does the same to me. Mambo imechemka.
It's now 1am and she has to go home. I offer to drop her off so that we can spend more time on the way. I almost hit the highway center divider on two occasions when I take my eyes of the road to steal a kiss. Don't try this at home kids. Not my finest hour I know. On the way she throws words like "lovebirds" in conversation to describe the two of us.
We get there and I joke about putting in a good word for her to her mom so that she's not in trouble, to which she responds with "not under these circumstances" because its late and that I "should come at a better time". Mind you I was cracking a joke. She didn't seem to be laughing at that part. So she'd want me to meet her mum, okay!
We exchange contacts and niceties and a few more kisses and then I'm back on the highway feeling like I just discovered large deposits of vibranium in our village. My ancestors must be proud. I thought.
She texts to ask me if I got back safely 4 hours later and we text back and forth briefly then she stops texting.
Silence.
I figure maybe she's asleep.
The following morning, more silence. The day ends, not a single text.
I try calling her today, line busy. Try again with a different number hours later, line busy. All day. All night.
She's not online even though we texted earlier via WhatsApp.
I'm confused. Is she alright? Could she have suddenly lost her phone? Is this a game? It can't be that she curved me can it be? I didn't think for a second that she didn't like my vibe or just me as a person. She was clearly attracted to me. She admitted at the entertainment spot that she had checked me out earlier before we met and she liked what she saw, even hoped I'd come talk to her. So what gives? I'm perplexed.

My (31f) husband (31m) (married 5 years together a decade) seems to not care about details that matter to me, and I think I can finally say I’m not really attracted to him anymore because of it. We haven’t had sex in months.
He frequently wears underwear with huge holes in between his legs, old underwear that are too small, his breath frequently smells, he wears his clothes inside out multiple times a week for a day or two straight (this one really gets to me for some reason), puts his hair up in a ponytail and doesn’t readjust when the hair starts coming out of it, etc. I bring up the underwear, he goes “oh.”, I mention his clothes are inside out and he says “yeah they are”. I’ve been telling him when his breath smells for years! I had to beg him to go to the dentist a while back. It still just smells sometimes even after brushing his teeth and he gets so defensive, I just don’t think he’s doing well with oral care or drinking enough water. I gently asked him to get a haircut for months and months until I finally had to start saying it doesn’t look good. He got sooo defensive every time and I didn’t know how else to explain that long hair requires trimming and care, and long hair that is not cared for will end up looking…well….bad. Wouldn’t a married man want to look handsome for his wife? His desk and shelving are frequently a cluttered, awful-looking mess, he lets pillowcases just slide halfway off his pillows without taking even a second to fix them, leaves his clothes that he’s just taken off sit around various places in the house, gets defensive when I try to throw away (even huge) boxes from purchases we don’t plan to return.
I’ve decorated the entire house—art on the walls, rugs, furniture, curtains, curtain rods, bathroom fixtures and things you’d expect in a bathroom, bedsheets (this has recently been a more cooperative effort), decorations, dressers, the mirror, organizational stuff like boxes and storage solutions, metal racks, the plants on the patio, his own clothing storage, the overstuffed chair… very nearly everything. A lot of the big furniture is from my grandma though so I’m not taking credit for that haha. It’s not like I turn down his ideas, I just do these things, he doesn’t. For years. He even mentioned last month (when I asked again to please get rid of the bedroom TV we dont use) that he doesn’t feel like his identity is in the home. He has never mentioned this or made an effort to rectify this! I even check in with him when I’m buying home stuff to see if he likes it! I just realized if I didn’t make an effort to do any of this, we wouldn’t have it. Whenever our friends want to hang out, they want to hang out at our house. My attention to detail and care is appreciated by others, including my husband.
We had a lot of issues a few years ago when my mental health got bad and I realized he was just…not present. He wouldn’t check in on me, froze and ignored me when I cried, seldom had anything to say about his own emotions and circumstances until i had brought up he’d upset me with something, etc. He’s very repressed. Classic pursuer and avoider shit. We didn’t get help until I set up couples therapy, wouldn’t go for himself until I scheduled therapy for him. I’ve been managing my own health issues for years, and when I needed help, I asked him for help. He wasn’t growing up in a number of ways, I felt alone and our marriage was falling apart. These things have improved IMMENSELY and he’s become my rock, a man I can really depend on emotionally. I bring this up so you can see that we have both made a huge effort to fortify our own mental health and strengthen our marriage. When my med management nurse asked recently “is he depressed” when I brought up what was bothering me lately, it was very difficult to answer because yeah he could be, I guess, but he really doesn’t seem it and we’ve already been through this song and dance before—I can’t make him care about anything and I can’t support what he won’t communicate. I’d like to think he’s open enough with me now to really answer when I ask “how are you feeling right now?”, “what did you think about that?” Or “what’s really bothering you? I love you and I’m here for you.”
Some transparency about myself: I have OCD, lvl 1 ASD (Asperger’s), MDD and anxiety, and have been on various medications for years to keep myself from having panic attacks and meltdowns. I KNOW I can be a lot, I know I focus on little details and know I can be particular. But I try my best to manage my neurosis and have gotten so much better at communicating my needs effectively. I try my best not to sweat the small stuff. This all makes it VERY hard to tell if I’m just “being too picky/overly critical” or if I’m really justified in bringing things up. I want to lift my husband up and support him and make him feel valued, but I also can’t ignore my need for a partner who cares for himself without needing to be reminded and he just gets so defensive about shit. If he said I needed a haircut, new underwear or to floss more, my God I’d be so on that. Of course I would address my ripped up underwear and bad breath, I want to be groomed and put together. I just don’t understand how we’re essentially in a dead bedroom, and he just keeps these awful personal health and grooming habits that I clearly hate. Doesn’t he want me to want him? Why doesn’t he care? Does it matter that he’s getting into skincare and fashion and whatever else if, in our home life, he’s wearing ripped up drawers and his breath stinks? If “decorating” and his personal touch is just a TV we never use that I don’t want in the bedroom, and gaming media.
I can’t even ask “should I bring these things up?” Bc girl I HAVE BEEN. But how do I really get my point across? How do I cut through the defensiveness? How do I make him feel valued and loved while essentially telling him I don’t want to have sex with him? Why am I in this position in the first place? Am I just crazy, picky? Anyone else have experience with this? Please help me, please just see me, hear me.

Hi! Want to rant about poor pooorr POOR customer service I received from Stokke (USA)
I was looking for highchair for a while. My top picks were Lalo and Stokke. There are pros and cons to it but I decided to go with Stokke because I saw that Stokke was having bundle promo.
They are giving out free carrier with the purchase of the NB bundle. On their website, they only had picture of “floral gold” with comment “gift with purchase”. No where on the website it said it is randomly selected. I looked everywhere and not a single line of “randomly selected”. So I decided to buy it so I can get the floral gold pattern carrier, which I thought it was cute
Received it and found out I got “olive green” weird, that color doesn’t even exist online. It is not sold on their website. So I called customer service to see if I can an exchange or to understand how a color that doesn’t exist on their website got sent. Only to be told I should be happy that it is a free gift
I understand that it is free gift but it was the gift promo that persuaded me to purchase Stokke. I have been repeatedly told “It’s a free gift” “It’s complimentary, meaning it is free. You don’t have to pay for it” I know what free means..
CS was hesitant to connect me to her supervisor. Told me she is unavailable and can’t tell when she will be available because she is in a meeting. And that I can send them an email. I get it, CS job sucks but you can’t just hang up on me without a paper trail.. so I asked her to document our conversation and make a case for it. She said she did, didn’t give me the case number. Had to ask her for it and again, asked if her supervisor is available. She said she doesn’t know
Called CS again, same girl answered so I asked her to repeat what is on the case number and magically her manager is available. Manager said they got few calls like this for exchange or change of color and that all the other customers understood and why I can’t. I told her if I’m not the only one calling about this, this has to be miscommunication and bad marketing strategy.
I told her I want to return the whole bundle and order it again. I want to risk getting same carrier but there is a chance I can get a different one. She said no, we don’t know the inventory so I can’t do that. So I asked her to look up the inventory and she said what I want is sold out. Asked her then what is available, she said she can’t tell. So I asked if you can’t tell me what is available, how do you know what I want is unavailable. She fumbled
What I don’t understand is, 1. They couldn’t prove to me that carrier was sent randomly 2. Couldn’t explain how a color that doesn’t exist in their website got sent 3. Said carrier I want in out of stock but couldn’t tell me what is available then 4. Repeatedly said it’s free, complimentary gift that comes with your purchase (i know!!). CS kept saying I should be happy with gift free.

It's my first birthday as husband and wife, we just got married two months ago. A few weeks ago I communicated my needs on how I want him to be more romantic, for example to take me out on dates, buy me flowers, etc because he isn't the most expressive person. He told me he's simply not a romantic guy but will gladly take me on dates if I plan them. Fine, whatever, his love language is physical touch. Not gift giving. Not words of affirmation. Not acts of service. Just quality time at home where I do everything and physical touch.
Today was my birthday and he came home from work with just flowers. For extra context, we didn't plan to go out because my family is suppose to come over, and we're somewhat religious so we don't celebrate birthdays heavily. Last year for his birthday I got him a cake, candies, and a small gift from Europe when I was overseas. I expected him to at least get me a dessert. I'm on the verge of tears and about to even cancel on my family.
Am I being a spoiled brat? How am I suppose to react to this without coming off as ungrateful or nagging?
TLDR: he just got me flowers for my first birthday as a married couple

So, i was doing some brief google research and im a little confused on this. I apologize if i am not knowledgeable at all on this topic, im struggling to learn about it at all online. I saw someone write a comment on quora talking about his experience with being a psychopath and how he learned to manage the effects of it. He explained how he made up for his lack of empathy by trying to pay extra attention to what his wife tells him if he does something that upsets her, and how hes learned to work extra hard to be aware of impulses like speeding. Basically, becoming aware of how his brain works + learning how society works and manually paying more attention so he can avoid problems. He mentioned that many psychopaths arent as lucky as him to figure this out so many lead difficult/harmful lives. But yet, i always see people treating it as the 'bad evil person problem', and i cant easily find efforts made to help them like i can with other mental health problems. Just like someone with autism might completely not understand social cues, like me, that person can still learn to communicate effectively with others by trying extra hard to learn the social rules manually. I may not have picked it up naturally, and it may make little sense to me, but im not incapable of being polite just because i dont understand why i even need to be polite. I seriously dont get it

I am a 52 year old father, probably one of the oldest people playing this handheld console. I am a single father to my son, who is now 16. My son recently bought a Playdate and in less than a week, he had already played for over 20 hours. This was terrible for me, as it was already hard enough for me to spend time with my son, as he is always out with his friends or just watching videos on Tiktok. So I decided to buy a Playdate so I could maybe play alongside him. I turned on the Playdate, read the tutorial but I was stuck on what you were supposed to do with the crank. I asked my Son for help and he showed me how. I loved it as it was the best time I had spent with my Son since my wife had died. This handheld has ever since brought my son and I closer again and now we actually spend time together outside the house as well. The Playdate reminded me that there's fun to be had in everything, and it has brought both me and my Son many happy memories

Hello everyone ❤️ I’ve been a lurker on this sub for a bit and wanted to ask some questions:

1. Should I start with semiglutide or ozempic
2. Is there a reputable online website I can buy generic ? I was going to go to a med spa but I’d rather do it myself
3. Do any of you have PCOS? How did it help?
4. How many pounds did you lose in a month?

I’ve been going to the gym my entire life and it’s so hard to lose weight. I’m hoping it’ll also help with PCOS.
Thank you all

I'm currently thinking about buying a KARLBY countertop and use that as my desk. However I have a monitor mount and it's bolted through the desk, the underside base being about 2 3/8" wide and about 5/8" extending from the bottom of the desk. It looks like they updated their version on amazon to include a handle for the bolt through option but I'm not using that. It's just a simple bolt and base for me.
How far in are the support structures for the underside of the BEKANT & UPPSPEL?
How wide of a gap do they have?
I can't find any information on their site about this and their customer support didn't know either (they said they only have access to what's available online 🙄).
Here are some pictures to help illustrate my questions:
BEKKANT
UPPSPEL

Recently, my wife was telling me about a mandatory "retreat" she had with her co-workers.
They were subjected to a 2 hour presentation on workplace engagement that included doozies like this:

1. In the past employees just worked for a paycheck, but now they want to be part of a workplace family.
2. Employees increasingly define their identity with their career.
3. Employees want to be more engaged at work.

I crushed the glass I was holding (figuratively, I was actually reading) while she was relating the various propaganda they were feeding her. She felt the same way, but how can you speak up in a setting like that without being labeled as a troublemaker?
Don't buy into this kind of corporate bullshit. Employees don't want a workplace family, they have a real family and friends who they would rather be spending their time with. And since when is work not just about the paycheck (I acknowledge that some people like their work so much they would do it for free, but they are a minority)? You know what I want to be engaged with at work, finishing my work so I can get the fuck out of there.
I've noticed more and more of this manipulative bullshit being forced upon us in "retreats" which, by definition are supposed to be fun and or relaxing. If so, then why are they always mandatory? Because our would be overlords have coopted the term to make their indoctrination seem more friendly.
But, there is nothing more aggressive or insulting than the C-suite forcing you to endure this kind of brainwashing. I would love to know where they're all getting this material, because it seems eerily coordinated across industries. I'm picturing a conference in Aspen where champagne is clinked and mustaches are twirled as literal human rats discuss how to commodify and pacify other human beings. To trick them into thinking that their job is their life.
Fuck that and fuck them.
We are luminous beings!
To have someone try to reduce your persona, your essence, your soul to what you do for work is an affront to whatever higher power you believe in.
So when you're sitting in your next mandatory "retreat", do what I do, tune out, take the time to meditate on what you really are, an embodied shard of the eternal, a sacred witness to the splendor of the universe.

Hi team,
I am proposing a participation requirement at the musicorloseittv community.
I am proposing a requirement that in order to make a next post - the posting person must comment at least a sentence at 2 other posts. I strongly feel posting and ghosting is of little value to the community.
This may be only temporary. At mod forums I confirmed this is allowed.
This type of participation required at https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/new and that community has 262K members. I also learned mods can limit new members to only commenting until they've been in the community for a while. I am less inclined to do that - yet it's worth considering if that can be useful or not.
I used to hate when I'd join online groups trying to join groups and see rules to the effect "must participate in the community." I thought to myself, "As a creator, don't they already know how buy I am?" However, when I am checking out a new music creator's profile online and discover they've been mass-posting - most of them have 0 replies typically. I used to do this myself years ago on Facebook and Twitter. Now, most websites seem to shadow ban or outright bans that mass-post the same link too often.
While I am in no way suggesting all of you be musicorloseittv community exclusives, I am suggesting it's probably better to post only at creator-friendly communities that welcome self promoting. especially at "where everybody knows you're name" type places like places like the musicorloseittv community.
At the April contest vote, Mild Effects commented, "Noticed how few people voted in the first round, 7 voters vs 16 participants. Perhaps it should be mandatory for every participating creator to vote for another creator." As a mod, Reddit does not enable me to see who voted for who - as far as I can tell. I don't even get to see who is leading (since I don't vote in the contest). I only get to know who wins when contest poll ends. Therefore there'd be no way to know who abides by it.
What we want is more participation by music fans. As I mentioned, after the invitees to this community settle in, I'll unveil my ideas that I am hopeful will increase participation by music fans.
In the meantime - let's discuss. Is requiring "For every post you make, you must reply at least a sentence at 2 other posts by different members" a good idea or bad idea?

After months of studying and preparation, I am excited to share that I passed my PMP exam yesterday AT/AT/AT! I wanted to write a quick writeup to share my experience and some key takeaways from my studying.
First, I started with Brain Sensei due to good reviews (not from this sub, should have looked here first). I would not recommend this to anyone looking to study for the 2024+ PMP exam. It focused primarily on the ITTO's for the waterfall approach and had very little information on agile. Ended up taking an entirely new class because I felt so unprepared after that course.
Below are the resources I recommend for studying:

• AR Udemy 35 PDU PMP Prep Course
• Study Hall (I bought the plus version, but in my opinion basic would have been plenty)
• Third3rock's PMP study guide
• DM 100 Waterfall, 150 PMBOK 7, 200 Agile YouTube videos (AMAZING for the PM mindset)

AR's class was extremely helpful in mapping out the processes and how they interconnect with one another, as well as comprehensive coverage of the key agile terminology/processes/artifacts. About as well done as a PMP prep course could be IMO. I listened at 1.5x and took extensive notes by hand, as this is how I retain information the best.
Study Hall. Buy it. In my opinion one of the single most important things you can do to prep for the exam. Although the exam questions were different (obviously), they were structured very similarly to SH. As for difficulty, I would say that my exam was on-par with SH and not easier, as many have said in this sub. I scored 78% on SH practice questions, and 87% on practice exams. My full length mock exam scores were: Exam 1: 81%, Exam 2: 81%, Exam 3: 81% (this included expert questions). I still believe if you average around 70% on practice questions and exams that you will pass no problem. Review all your answers, right and wrong (don't bother reviewing expert questions as they typically go against the mindset you are working to establish).
Third3rock's notes were a valuable resource, but I did not use them nearly as much as the Study Hall and the DM youtube videos. I would still suggest getting them as they have good information and that is was I looked over the morning of my exam.
Lastly, DM youtube videos (specifically the 100 Waterfall, 150 PMBOK 7, 200 Agile). Absolutely necessary in my opinion. These solidified the PM mindset for me. The way he talks through each question, eliminates answers, and how he chooses the best of the remaining answers was crucial for me during the exam. That is the approach I followed and it worked well, especially on questions that I did not feel comfortable with.
Also, take the test in-person if you can. I had several connection issues at the testing center, and that would have been awful to deal with if I were taking it online. It was slow to load and I had to move to another computer as the one they put me at originally couldn't load the exam at all. Take your breaks and bring an energizing snack (I brought trail mix) to keep your mind fresh.
Anyways, if you have any questions let me know! It was a grind and I couldn't be happier that I passed! You can do it!!!

It's been 10 months since D-Day.
Here are some things I'm relieved to report:
Triggers: They don't happen as often or as intensely anymore. Maybe once every 2 weeks, if at all. My last trigger was last Saturday after an FB memory popped up on my timeline, it was a precious one of our firstborn at a carnival for the first time, and I recognize it as a day before he met with AP1 in 2019. We talked through it together, he held me close for 5 minutes, then went downstairs and made breakfast. 9 months ago, I'd have been crying the whole day and he'd have been in his head trying to comfort me but not knowing how.
Mind Movies/Nightmares: Gone. I sleep so well at night now (outside of a potty training toddler LOL). I know he fucked someone else. I know the specifics. Nothing is left to the imagination and IDGAF if there is.
Speaking of APs: Do I still feel the need to look at their SMs and obsess over what he saw in them that he didn't see in me? Not as much. I'd be lying if I said no completely because it bothered me that he was in NRE with AP2 (ONS from Adult Friend Finder) so I glance at her profile from time to time to see why, and also it's kind of entertaining seeing what a trainwreck AP1 is based on her Reddit. She's now chasing another guy who wants to date other women instead of commit to her (I mean she looks like Shamu, so I don't blame him LOL). I don't feel as bad when I see them anymore, and if anything, I feel a tad bit vindicated that they're lives are still in shambles because they can't date a guy traditionally, they had to resort to a married man.
WH: He lost his job in December, found a new one in February but a beloved relative passed away 3 weeks ago so he's taking the time for himself (not apart) to grieve. He willingly upped his IC from every other week back to every week to navigate this stressful period. With IC, he's feeling his feelings more clearly, it feels like he is seeing me in a different light. He goes out of his way to make me feel secure: Gives me his phone voluntarily, tells me when he's going out to lunch with colleagues, in between meetings would text me, "I'll be in and out of calls all day, but just know I love you and I'm thinking of you." When we get home, all he wants to do is watch TV with his arms around me and drink beer with me. Even now he's been a bit distant because of his grief, he makes sure I know it's because of missing his relative, not because he wants to cheat. It's also the first time he's been allowed to grieve someone because in the past he's always been the caretaker, so this emotion is entirely new to him and it's been hard to manage. Thankfully, he doesn't shut me out and allows me to be with him throughout this process.
My feelings for WH: In love. 85% Happy. No more hypervigilance or doubt if he truly ever loved me. I think there was a point when he equated being "in love" as the feeling of butterflies and excitement which he no longer had with me, but now he knows it can also be quiet, stable and at peace. He no longer seeks thrills and validation elsewhere, except with me. I do know even during the As, he loved me because he never planned on leaving me for the APs (AP1 was not his type and is eternally negative. Everything bad that happened to her is because of someone else's fault. AP2 is a wannabe travel influencer who lives the life of a homeless camper). Outside of kids and finances, I was the person he enjoyed being with. He was still planning date nights, vacations and trips for me. The compartmentalization is strong, he never allowed his affair persona bleed into our marriage or stop loving me. He was still planning on growing old with me. He asked me about doing a joint investing account so we can build our retirement fund together so it wasn't like he had an exit plan. His need for validation and sex elsewhere overtook his rationality. He'll forever regret having hurt me for pursuing that.
Trust: I want to say it's 60% there. I don't look at his phone or location anymore. I know where he is because he tells me. There's no weird app on his phone. I can do a deep dive into our phone records and know he's not texting anyone I don't know about. When he gets a text, sometimes he'll even angle it so it's within my sight but even then I already knew it's probably one of his buds, or work. The need to be vigilant at all times is gone. Why only 60% then? I can't fully guarantee he won't cheat again 2-20 years from now. He has to do the work to not succumb to those feelings and needs again, but I'm at peace knowing my worth is beyond the marriage, and that me and the kids will be OK if we break up because he did it again. That thought is empowering and allows me to be prepared for the possibility instead of be blindsided and heartbroken. I hope he proves me right though.
I enjoy being a wife again. I enjoy booking dates, buying him work clothes, steaming them, making sure he has lunch for the day... We've added sexting into the mix so that's been fun. It feels more like us again.
Sharing this progress for those who think they can't ever get past the abyss after D-day. This may not pertain to everyone, maybe not to those whose waywards are still in the fog or are not fully remorseful, but what I learned is that R is truly achievable if both parties work hard towards it. IC and MC are a must. Practicing the therapeutic intervention to handle the triggers and spirals is a must. COMMUNICATION IS A MUST. You can't achieve R if you're tip-toeing around each other's feelings or are still keeping secrets from one another... Be radically honest with each other.
Healing is separate. It comes from within and is a self-journey, not reliant on the spouse. IC has been a God-send because just talking to someone and learning meditation tools, acknowledging my own value to my family, my friends, my job, my community has helped me not be dependent on WH's love as a measurement of my worth. I've been more and more at peace with myself.
Hope this helps anyone out there feeling lost or not knowing if R or healing is achievable. Feel free to AMA.

Based in Missouri Please be nice and offer any advice you can 🫶🏻
I also want to say I’m 22 and I started this job when I was 19. I had no previous experience or knowledge of anything before starting this job. Please know that I do not agree with any of these things my boss and Landlord has done. It is not morally right. I have stayed this long because I needed a job to pays all my bills, rent, groceries, and any other necessities.
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Hi all, I am in a tricky situation.
Starting off, I just want to explain the current predicament. I currently work as a Property Manager for multiple smaller apartment complexes and several rental homes. I also rent from one of these apartments that I manage. Obviously making my boss my Landlord as well.
A little backstory; in August 2020 I moved into this small 1 bedroom apartment with my boyfriend so that we could move closer to the community college we enrolled in. Unfortunately, in December 2020, I dropped out of said college because I had lost my scholarship and could no longer afford college. In January 2021, I was desperately looking for a job so that I could pay rent and other necessities. Then in March 2021, to my surprise, the Landlord’s wife (who was working as Property Manager at the time), straight up asked me if I wanted to work there as Property ManageLeasing Agent. Of course I said yes because I had been searching for a job for about 3 months at this point (nowhere would hire me because I had no previous job experience, so it was hard to find a job I liked that paid decently). The Landlord’s wife then retired soon after. In October 2022 the Landlord upgraded me and my boyfriend to a 2 bedroom apartment. Now, it’s May 2024 and I am still working here and living in the 2 bedroom apartment, but I’ve had just about enough.
First things first, the Landlord is going against the Missouri Fair Housing Act/Laws.
He is racist. He will say things to me all the time about African Americans, Mexicans, Asians, literally any other race other than white. He has denied African Americans before for an apartment and has literally said “You know how those black people are. I just don’t want to take the risk.” Or he’ll say “Those Mexicans will move their whole family into that 1 bedroom apartment; their brother, sister, mom, dad, cousin, and the list goes on. Then when they vacate the unit it will be completely destroyed.” Also, if he were to approve any one of a different race or national origin, many times he would double or even TRIPLE the deposit amount. Which, keep in mind, anyone of any race or national origin, even white, can NOT afford to pay a $1,890-$2,835 security deposit, nor does anyone want to!
He is also does not allow emotional support and service animals. I’m not talking about the fake ESA or service animals without the paper work (because they’re just trying to get past the pet restrictions), I’m talking about the people who have legit ESA and Service animal paperwork. He claims the animals will ruin the apartment; which in some cases are true, but it’s still against the Fair Housing Laws to deny them for only that reason.
Oh, and he is actually a horrible person too (if you couldn’t already tell). He treats me, his employee, like shit. He wasn’t this bad when I first got employed, I guess because he didn’t want to scare me off. But now, the way he talks to me and demands things from me is just downright disrespectful and unprofessional. Just yesterday at 4PM (my hours are 9AM-4PM, so I usually leave or clock out at 4) he called me and I kid you not, DEMANDED in the most disrespectful tone ever for me to get all this work done before I leave. This wasn’t quick and easy work either - he wanted me to manually type this paper rental application into the online system and process the screening, he wanted me to make a spreadsheet list of every tenant who was late on rent, and he wanted me to make out bank deposits (there were a lot), ALL BEFORE I LEFT. The thing is, he could’ve told me to do all of these things way before 4pm.
There’s so many other things he’s done that’s just morally wrong - I could go on all day, but for the sake of keeping this from being a whole book, I’ll just leave it at that.
I know I should’ve quit a long time ago, it’s just so difficult because I live where I work and he’s also my Landlord. If I quit, I just know he will increase my rent up to standard by $220 extra a month. I didn’t have enough money to get another apartment yet. However, now I do. I applied to live at another apartment complex a few days ago. I also will eventually get an assistant property manager job at this same complex too. I first want to move out and then save up a little bit of money then put my 2 weeks in (unless I just suddenly quit - Missouri is an employment-at-will state).
He is a super petty and out of pocket dude. I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to sue me for some made up stupid shit. So my question is - if he does try to sue me, could I sue him back for all these reasons? I would give attorneys all the evidence I will gather, along with if I get any testimony’s from previous applicants and past tenants.
Thank you all 🫶🏻

First off, what's the best way to upload it? New to this. I might not upload the whole song, but parts of it. I doubt anyone will ever find it, but to be safe. It's probably hopeless though. MySpace blew up when I was around 12 (2004/05). I just ran across it somehow based on the music I liked. Just a small band most likely. My parents wouldn't buy anything online, so a friend ripped it for me. I originally had the artist and name, but after numerous computer's breaking, I lost it. Then I rediscovered it on a brunt CD. I couldn't believe it, I thought I lost it forever. However now it is just "track 4".
I know that's a lot of useless info in there, but I just wanted to share. Anyway. It definitely has English in it, but the guy's accent is so heavy it's hard to understand most of it. It could have parts in another language. I speak German (used to) and it sounds like maybe a Scandinavian accent. When I know how to upload the song I can post what words I'm pretty sure about. I think I remember part of the title having to do with the words "cold" or "blue" maybe "ice". I can give more info when I have it uploaded.
I've tried every music I know about. I've tried searching the lyrics I can hear. Nothing and probably will always be nothing. But I've loved this song for two decades and if I could, I would love to finally be able to pay the artist.
Thanks to anyone for advice and help.

So my girlfriend and i had this conversation about paying for her nails, she wants me to pay for them every time bc she has other things to pay for. The problem is that she hasn't worked for a whole year and doesn't really want to. I don't mind her not working for a while but i don't find it reasonable to demand me to pay for her nails when she doesn't have to pay for anything. I don't mind paying for food or buying her stuffed animals when she wants one, buy her perfumes every once in a while, i bought her an xbox so we can play games, i pay for her xbox live, every once in a while ill pay for her face cleaning stuff. I also have my own things to pay, rent, credit cards, car bills, furniture for my new home, my own streaming services that i let her use, insurance, everything that a normal person pays for. I decided to say that i don't want to pay for her nails every time because arizona is expensive and prices keep rising, once said that maybe ill cancel her xbox live because the only games she plays are free games that don't need game-pass and don't need live to play online. Now im being called an asshole, a bitch, a pussy, immature, i need to grow up, im a bad boyfriend, im a terrible person, and will yell at me for my entire morning until i have to go to work and say that she should've just stayed with her ex's
Another thing that she asks me to do is to look away when a show/anime focuses on boobs. I told her thats too much and i don't want to do that because ima feel like a 9 year old and i get shit for it. But she can watch game of thrones, shameless and other shows that show way much more than just cleavage. Even finding some cartoon/anime characters attractive. My argument was that its not real so why is there a problem but she argued back saying she should be the only one im looking at. With real people like celebrity crushes i can at least understand that argument. I stopped having a celebrity crush for her but it went as far as animated characters.
She once tried to put a time limit on how much time i can play games. And drinking, i understand that one can turn into an alcoholic but im not much for drinking, i like to drink with the boys but not getting too drunk, i told her i wanted to drink maybe like once a month with the boys while we play games at night, made sure she was comfortable and told her im not drinking in public, not going to bars, not driving while under the influence, and it wouldn't be often and she still made a huge fit about it.
Just recently i got a galaxy s24 ultra and was gonna trade my iPhone for it and she made it such a big deal that she doesn't wanna text me while i had an android, didn't want to call me, didn't want to touch my phone, didn't want to connect to my phone for music while driving. She got over it 2 days later but i felt bad about it and returned the galaxy and got back my iPhone.
Im not gonna say im a saint because i also do somethings that aren't ok. I told one of my homies she's mad because we were acting gay to each other. Shouldn't share with others when she's mad or share our problems. When she wants to talk to me about something at night when i just got home from work i don't pay attention because im too tired. I make it sound like i don't care about our discussion/arguments but only because it happens so frequently im just used to it. When she's yelling at me i make cocky comments like "you're really mad because of this?" And stuff like that.
She treats me amazing, she'll make love notes for me, for Christmas she got me a really cool figure my favorite anime character. She'll spend like 3 hours making a bracelet for me. She'll try to connect and bond with my family.
But when shit gets bad and after everything is dealt and done with she'll always go talking about how she has no friends, the ones that she does have are either an hour away or in another state, her relationship with her parents aren't the best, her siblings aren't there for her, im her only friend, this and that and then i feel bad about whatever i did which most of the time i don't even know what the issue was

Hi mums. I'm wondering if anyone in this forum is affected by the TOD SEPP / re-zoning? Link for info: https://www.planning.nsw.gov.au/policy-and-legislation/housing/transport-oriented-development-program/transport-oriented-development?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTAAAR1qQzYExkDwsXqpfzq50ZGZSeUI_HW7QQOsHQKkf45Slb2q5NNqw0QFj4s_aem_Aen4eCVKca2g0fHVOHZct71uCJkOFEzRq4Sax_1USr6sx_27IdQVfe7H0hgVSEXpEVouxFFzJ42HJE9-Gr4qSCJd
We learnt that our area is rezoned and anticipating Developer might come and knock our door perhaps to buy us out. I'm not optimistic about it because from what an acquintance I met who happened to have experience rezoning 1.5 years ago told me about her experience, that Developer didn't offer above current market price as it's already inflated, while we bought this house not long ago, at an inflated rate. So we have so far paid all the 2 yrs worth of bank interest at 6% and stamp duty, which are monnies that we paid on top of principle/ actual value of the house. In short, to break even, we need 40%above current market price which are already inflated. We fought so hard for this place in the first place because we want something to pass down for bub. That is all there. I'm fearful , and we really dont want to sell.
Anyway, I am normally very private and introvert, so speaking to neighbours about serious matter like this makes me a little anxious but I am thinking about it. I just thought I'll give a go here online before I try it out with my actual neighbours. I am already anxious not knowing what our moves are because we're so set about keeping this house, our finance will work out if we don't take another 30yr mortgage elsewhere, hubby and I are in mid 30s and I have autoimmune where I'm not particularly wanting to work until past 65. Bub's coming in 2 weeks time, and my mind is just all over the place. We're the generation who "missed the boat" in the property market but both of us hard working people who just wants to make it for our family. I weep my eyes a lot telling myself it's ok, the changes won't happen that fast, give time and focus delivery and recovery, maybe all these feelings are hormonal too.
I'm normally very private and introvert so I'm anxious about talking to my neighbours about such serious matter. My husband is extremely busy with work, and I don't want to affect his mental. He works really hard for the family too. I told myself that I will have to be brave and give it a go to my left and right neighbours to the very least.
Anyway, thanks for making it this far.
Ps. How to check if you're affected: 1. Go to https://www.planningportal.nsw.gov.au/spatialviewerlite/#/find-a-property/address 2. Select the LGA or type in address 3. Filter the "Layers" by "Transport" - 4. Look for the SEPP (housing) then select the TWO checkboxes (1 is radius and 1 is zoning colours) for the TOD layers.
It’s a little unresponsive on mobile so be patient.
Screen shot here

My family always has some sort of drama going on. I swear you could make an award winning TV show about it. I moved a few states away just to get away from it all and don’t really go to any family events so I’m out of the loop on a lot of things. My family also has a tendency not to tell me things anyway (I.e; when my dog died, when my grandma was in the hospital, etc.) and I have enough going on with my career and personal life that I just don’t have the energy to reach out. That’s probably on me.
A n y w h o
I have two brothers, one that I am very estranged from (because, you know, he does stuff like dump his kid on my parents at a bus stop) and one that I am much closer to. He is married and has a kid. When our grandfather was stage four, they moved back from living out of state to be closer to family because “family is everything.” at the time his wife was heavily pregnant and about to give birth pretty much any day now. My grandfather had been talking to them on and off about them buying the house because he wanted them to have a stable home and wanted somewhere for their kid to grow up near Family. He lamented the fact he wouldn’t see his great grandson growing up but figured this could be his gift and legacy to them. Sadly, he passed before my nephew was born, and they didn’t really finalize anything about selling the house, but it was essentially his dying wish for them to have the house in someway.
Fast-forward a year or so later and our grandmother now widowed is not doing great healthwise so my mom and her two sisters have been going back-and-forth helping them out. My brother and his wife with their now one year-old child move in to help out. Both have full-time jobs. I guess since they were living there, my grandmother and aunts made the assumption that they were now her live-in attendants, specifically my sister in law. As mentioned, she has a full-time job, she’s very high in her company, and has a full workload along with taking care of a toddler, the house, the dogs, and now my grandmother.
My family would just show up randomly with no consideration for their time. My sister-in-law could be in the middle of a meeting, and my aunt would just show up without warning or when their kid was taking a nap and the dog would start barking because they would just walk in, or my grandmother would start cursing about some thing. It was totally disrespectful but they grin and bear it because they were thinking about their future. They tried not to cause issues, and as far as I know, there were never any big fallouts.
The topic of the house came up again and my grandmother started working with them on selling the house at a reasonable rate. Obviously we all know the housing market is absolutely insane. They were discussing plans to convert the garage into an apartment, that way everyone would have their own space, but they would be close by to take care of my grandmother still. Not a bad deal at all.
My two aunts apparently had other thoughts.
When my grandfather was still with us they had kept trying to convince my grandparents that they need to just sell the house at whatever the market appraisal is and that my brother and sister-in-law shouldn’t be getting any “preferential treatment”. I don’t know what happened with my grandfathers will, the last I heard all of the grandkids were supposed to get even amounts (even though really only me and my brother ever visited them) which caused some feathers to be ruffles because my aunts husband is very well paid, and both of their kids have lived a very privileged life. They both had cars bought for them, college paid for them, extravagant parties. At one point, my brother made a comment in passing how he felt that the less privileged grandkids should maybe get a bit more so that they can invest in their future and I guess my aunt has been carrying malice ever since that comment got back to her.
So my brother and his wife are working on getting a mortgage for the house in the last few months, my dad was ready to cosign for them, everything is going smoothly and then my grandmother ends up in the hospital for a while. I guess during this time my aunts got in her ear and convinced her that she shouldn’t sell the house to my brother and his wife. That she should put it on the market and split the money evenly with everyone. My grandmother eventually went along with this, but didn’t tell my brother or his wife. Neither of them brought up the house during her recovery because they didn’t want to stress her out but time was ticking, and they needed to start making decisions for their long-term future.
So finally, my brother asked our grandmother what was going on with the house and she casually dropped that she no longer wanted to sell to them. All of a sudden, issues are being brought up about how she felt she was being so disrespected and she felt like my sister-in-law was cooking “ethnic food” so that my grandmother couldn’t eat it (literally only because my SIL was using Goya brand things). My grandmother had been talking bad about my sister-in-law behind her back. They couldn’t take it anymore so they moved out. Thankfully, the father of one of their friends agreed to rent out a house to them and they are living happily there with a potential to buy that house maybe.
I’m half tempted to call my grandmother and tear into her because it was my grandfather‘s dying wish that my brother get this house. They completely uprooted their life and moved halfway across the country to be there for family only for family to stab them in the back over money. I’m just glad to hear that my mom and dad are on my brother side with this, I think they are especially upset that my grandmother had made this decision behind their backs and hadn’t planned on saying anything for who knows how long. Was probably just gonna drag things along and then drop the ball on them.
I’m so freaking ticked off at my aunts for being so selfish and thinking only about money instead of you know their nephew. Maybe he’s getting “preferential treatment” because he’s the oldest grandchild and the one that has been living there helping my grandmother out day and day out. And again he’s really the only grandkid that ever willingly visited aside from myself.
This is exactly why I moved away and I just do not talk to my family.

Hello all, Looking for a 1 decent bedroom to buy in the Baltimore area for a single guy. This place caught my eye. From what I’ve seen online, reviews are mixed.
Does anyone have experience with them? If so how was it? I have heard that the Mount Vernon area is good in Baltimore.

I have never really posted anything on reddit before or really anywhere else. This is the second time I've had to struggle to write all of this out because I didn't originally select a community to post this in and didn't realize it would completely clear the title and body. I am devastated that I have to try and rewrite all of this, but I really need to connect with someone right now. I want to start by saying that there is no ugliness here. There are no lawyers, there was no cheating, there will be no custody battles. We have agreed to treat each other fairly and help each other land on our feet. I will forever be grateful for that reality. She has an emotional intelligence that I simply lack and could see that we were both clinging to a sinking ship. We could have had a few more years, but then this would have happened anyway and it would be so much worse for our children. She could see that and I couldn't which is why this is happening.
Self-diagnosis of autism is a controversial topic. I know that, in fact even two weeks ago I would have told you that it was irresponsible and destructive to the needs of people who genuinely need help. But I can't deny what's been so obvious for so long anymore: I am autistic. I am currently seeing a therapist to try and unpack that and get a formal diagnosis, but I have come to a place where I simply can't deny it anymore. Throughout our ten year marriage, there has been a recurring theme. I am completely unable to act upon information that does not make sense to me. So many times in so many different ways, my wife would try to communicate to me her emotional needs. And every time I would do my absolute best to understand why she needed something from me that I didn't need from her. And every single time, I would fall short of what she was asking for and just hide it by lying or asking for another chance to get it right. To give an example, gift giving is a core love language of hers. But the stress of trying to select the perfect gift for her, because there has to be one specific thing that she wants more than anything is like torture for me. I feel real pain in my entire body stemming from the anxiety of getting it perfectly right that just made is so much easier to get her nothing and ask for forgiveness. My inability to participate in this love language made her feel abandoned and alone, even on the rare occasions where I did buy her something, we both knew it was half-assed because I was desperate for it to just be over. Another example is spending time together. One of my love languages is called "parallel play" where I just want to be near someone I love, doing my own thing. It makes me feel safe and comfortable to have her nearby, but she doesn't feel that way unless we are both participating in the same activity together. I also need an unusually large amount of genuine alone time to regulate my body and emotions from the stress of everyday life. Again, this made her feel abandoned and alone, and it is only just recently that I've even had the self-awareness and vocabulary to describe these needs of mine.
I have been suppressing my emotions my entire life, but I can't anymore because the pain of this experience is simply too much to bear. I want to be completely honest and clear with both myself, my wife and all of you so it's important to note that I know these first two are extremely toxic and self-destructive. Please don't tell me that in the comments, I really do know. I feel desperate. I feel an agonizing desperation to return to any sense of normalcy. This has led me to spend the past few days promising her anything that she wanted in order to get her to stay with me. Her answer has always been a firm 'no' and I do respect that. But this then leads me to want so desperately to race as quickly as I can to literally anyone who will take me. I told my wife this and she said that there would be nothing fair about me doing that to someone and it could only end in an extremely toxic dynamic between us. I agree, but the thought of trying to sleep alone in this house that is no longer a home makes me want to die. I have two beautiful children that I could never do that to, but the intrusive thoughts are the loudest when I'm at my lowest and I have to tell someone that.
The second thing I'm feeling is fear. A primal fear that this integral character flaw of mine (lack of empathy for other people's emotional needs) means that I am simply not compatible with any other human being on earth. Who would want to sign-up for a lifetime of feeling invalidated endlessly? I've never done it on purpose, but I've never been able to figure out how to stop either. I want to crawl into a hole and remove myself from everyone around me so that I don't have to live with the guilt of burdening them with my existence. My therapist has already told me that I have to fight this urge to isolate myself from the people around me. I know I do, so I am going to spend a day with my brother next week when he gets back from a vacation and talk to my parents about possibly moving in with them, so that I'm not alone right now. Its just so hard for me to ask for help when the only person I've ever been comfortable confiding anything in is the one person who can't help me with this.
The third thing I'm feeling right now is the hardest to admit, and also the quietest of the three right now. But I also would like to believe it is the only healthy instinct I have in this situation. I feel relieved. I feel liberated. I feel like maybe if I'm not so busy feeling so guilty that I just can't understand what she wants from me, then I can focus on truly being my authentic self. I am so envious of neurotypical people who don't know the pain of constantly masking every single social instinct that they have for the sake of the comfort of those around them. It's a literal hell that I've locked myself into in a desperate attempt to pretend that I'm normal and my internal experiences align with most other people's. They aren't, and because we married so young I never had the opportunity to really learn how to be comfortable with who I am as a person. I have fleeting moments of feeling like being unburdened by the pressures of marriage really is what's best for me and maybe there really is a light at the end of this tunnel. But they are few and far between.
What prompted me to write this post is while I was doing research on what to expect from the dating world in 2024, I was browsing the subreddit datingoverthirty. I decided to type in the word 'autism' and just read through some other people's experiences. What I found was story after story after story that sounded exactly like mine. A woman spent years dating an autistic guy she really liked and still does, but there was one problem, if he didn't understand something she wanted then he couldn't bring himself to do it. This broke my heart and filled me with hopelessness. It feels like I've been robbed of the one thing I want more than anything, a real human connection to someone. But my brain just isn't wired for it and it never will be. So can any of you tell me, are you or do you know an autistic man who lost a close relationship because of this problem and managed to make it through to the other side having genuinely grown and found someone who loves him in spite of it? I feel like I've failed as a husband and its only a matter of time before I fail as a son, brother, father and friend.
How do I heal from this?

I don’t know if any of you have noticed lately, but this movie is stupid impossible to find to watch legitimately anywhere (in the last 3 years at least). If you don’t believe me (and don’t live in Britain) take a look at where you can watch this movie really quickly. As far as you can scroll online, it says unavailable streaming, unavailable renting, unavailable to buy in any non-British format on DVD/Blu-Ray and any other physical media (also legitimately and not some Amazon seller that has a 46% seller rating where the movie is listed as “Fair” for 30 dollars💀💀). I also see all these things online of people discussing how when they do find a copy it turns out to be fake, a bootleg, or the wrong movie entirely. What gives ????