Craigslist chainsaws

I have great paying job in the medical field but it’s very stressful. Currently I make 179k a year workings about 48hrs/week. I wanted to ditch Fridays (8hour day) to start a little side hustle removing trees. I burn firewood for home heating and thought instead of trying to find wood I can’t get paid to gather it. My goal would be to just make about $2200 a month by working 4 Fridays or less. Is that doable with a two chainsaws(stihl 462 w/ 28” bar) a Silverado a trailer 10x 15ft? I don’t know how to get started. Do I need insurance if I only take easy jobs with trees not near any structures? Do you advertise on Facebook? Craigslist? How do you know what to charge per tree? Thanks

Hello tree folks. I am hoping you can give me some advice or point me in the right direction on where to post. I built my place a couple years ago and I have several large piles of trees left. I'm in NE Oklahoma and my excavation contractor says they always put this stuff in a pile and burn them here well my whole acreage is covered in Long Grass and trees and that makes me super uncomfortable because it's usually very dry and hot here. It also seems like a waste of all this good lumber. The majority of trees removed were pretty mature and over 20 to 30 ft tall I believe it to be mostly White oak there's definitely some hickory in there with the shaggy bark as well. It would be nice if I could make some money but just having them gone so I can clean up and develop my property/ yard outdoor living space is my main concern. My first thought was buying a chainsaw and a log splitter and breaking it down into firewood but then I remembered I live in Oklahoma and I'm guessing the firewood market isn't as great as somewhere like Minnesota. Do I try and find someone who has a small Mill locally who might have some interest in taking the good stuff and then trying to break down some of the smaller stuff and rent a chipper? A friend recommended maybe posting pics of the piles on Facebook marketplace or Craigslist and having people come out and take it for free that does sound kind of good but I'm a little bit worried about the liability of having people I don't know run chainsaws on my property or tear up my property or driveway coming in and out taking this stuff away. I asked my excavation contractor about it today because I know he has a forestry mulcher on some of his equipment and I've seen some cool YouTube videos that looks like that can make quick work of these piles but he told me since it's White oak and it's big and it's been down for a couple years that that's not the best route because it's super hard to grind up with the forestry mulcher I don't know does he just have a crappy forestry mulcher? Anyways sorry for the novel but I figured you guys who work with trees and tree removal or land clearing would have some good advice for a DIY home owner like myself on what to do with all this biomass. Thanks for your time and I truly appreciate your advice and recommendations.
P.S. If I had the cash I would love to have it removed by a local arborist but I've been told it would be many many trailer loads and cost me thousands of dollars and unfortunately I just can't afford it.

Trying to get into firewood as a hobby, but would love to grow slowly to a side gig or even a small business. I'm a recently retired vet and got my first home on a 3-acre lot outside the city limits around DFW. Our street is kinda an outlier as we are surrounded by upper-class/ever-expanding subdivisions...all these homes have fireplaces and smokers, and there's even a handful of BBQ restaurants right down the road. I have some pretty big low-skirt cedars that should hide any rucks of wood I may obtain for free via Craigslist or Chipdrop. I think a pay-as-you-go roadside stand would do really well as a start-up experiment. The wood splitter yard would be at the end of our circle driveway in front of our 2-car garage (currently junk storage). I've got an old 2WD Chevy Silverado that can pull my wife's stock horse trailer(not ideal but functional) and an inherited STIHL chainsaw I can go around pick up off Craigslist. On top of all this, all 4 of my adult kids are struggling to get on their feet because hours are sparse at their jobs. I see firewood as a great way to be more active and potentially make money.
I'm ready to choose a decent starter splitter, for around the 5k range. Needs to be a back saver and a quieter version out of consideration for my neighbor. Any thoughts tips and advice are appreciated. Thanks

I have the opportunity to pick up some free wood to make some coffee tables out of or just pretty slabs. The problem is that the pieces/cookies need to be cut down to 4-6” thickness. The rounds are 48” wide and currently 36” thick so I can’t even move them to get them on my trailer, but only have two weeks to get them. I have two small gas Husqvarna saws with 18” bars. I don’t want to spend a ton of money for this one-time use. I’ve already checked Craigslist and the other used sites and there aren’t any used big saws on there.
Let me know what you think but here is what I’m thinking and want some help deciding: 1: buy a 30” b&c from Amazon ($125+-)and just take my time and go slow knowing the saw will be underpowered. Hopefully don’t burn up my saws. 2: buy a 15-amp electric saw, swap out the bar for a 30”, and hope it works ($250 +-) 3: buy an off brand 72cc saw with a 36” bar ($500) and run it and hope it lasts the day. Least favorite option based only on price.
Thanks for your help!!
Edit: the chainsaws I have are a model 345.

Craigslist, google, the lots of Ol' Pecos, and etc etc. If you've been here for at least a winter, you know where to look. Reddit is one of them too, so lets talk about it...
A cord of wood measures 4'x4'x8' or 128 cubic feet stacked tight.
If you are getting delivery and can measure off a space, don't get it dumped in a pile to save $50. The only way you can be certain you are getting what you pay for is by measuring.
Please don't get ripped off by shady people. If they balk or refuse to stack the delivery, they might be misrepresenting their product.
Remember not all truck beds are equal. Often what people assume or is told is a cord without measuring can be as little as 3x3x7' or 72 cubic feet aka 58% of a cord. Only after the delivery has been measured & stacked should you make payment.
Payment should only be for the total amount of wood delivered and prorated if necessary. If the price you were quoted was for a cord and it is short, do your math and pay them by the cubic foot. If they refuse to alter the bill to match the delivery, tell them to load it all up & take it away. Don't let them strong arm or con you into paying more than you should.
Licensed and/or Bonded operations should be 100% upfront about all of this on the phone, don't hesitate to ask.
For those with the means, NM residents can get firewood permits from BLM to harvest dead and down. Permits are cheap, $5-12 a cord. For those with a truck, chainsaw, and an afternoon or three, these are a great option.
However many folks rely on delivery and struggle to keep a yearly contact. So if you have a contact to share for the greater good, please do so! Information such as Local SF and/or Greater Area delivery, phone numbers, cost, type of wood, etc are all things to list. I know there are lots of reputable business and people out there, I hope to find out who they are. Thank you for helping keep Santa Fe Warm!

Having a hard time getting rid of these because my dad loved chainsawing more than anything but he died a few years ago and I don't know how to use them so they are just sitting around. I want to list them on craigslist but have no idea what they are worth. Can someone here give me a rough range?
In terms of use, he didn't use them full time for work or anything, he was a hobby chainsaw-er. But they definitely look to be on the older side.
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Stihl 011 AVT
STIHL ms 250
Poulan

Me, I love my chainsaw, backhoe, solar panels, ATV, 48VDC water pump, and yes my cell phone. My phone allows me to advertise (craigslist) the firewood I sell and coordinate with buyers.
Some here seen to think that unless you crap in a hole you dug and light your home only with deer tallow candles you're not off-grid.
So is this a Luddite sub, or do others use technology to make living off the grid easier?

I am in the process of buying some undeveloped land that has quite a few trees on it and I plan to remove these trees myself with a chainsaw, axe or possibly heavy machinery.
The legal advice I’m curious about is this. I am considering posting an ad of sorts on socials, craigslist, or old school flyers for anyone that just wants to come chop down a few trees. Get some anger out, do something they’ve never done if they’ve never cut a tree down, whatever they really want from the experience, for free. I’m just concerned there could be some legal trouble if someone were to come and get hurt on my land by chopping down a tree or something.
Is there some sort of waiver that I can have them sign before they step foot onto the land that says they can’t sue me or hold me responsible if they get hurt? I can’t supervise everyone, so there would be times I wouldn’t be at the property to know if people were being 100% safe while they chopped trees. I just wasn’t sure if there was a standard waiver or legal way to handle a situation like this.

This is a massive chainsaw. Too big to fit into the currently-available Stihl chainsaw case for North America.
I was wondering if anyone would happen to know the model numbers of prior, larger chainsaw cases within which my chainsaw could fit.
I understand that such a case will likely have been out-of-production for many years now, if not decades, and that an extensive search on eBay, Craigslist, and other online buy-and-sell forums will be in order.
If anyone has such a case, I would love to hear from you. Preferably Stihl-branded. I am in British Columbia, Canada.
I have also downgraded to a much shorter 32" bar, in case that helps. Most anything shorter than that looks comically small, much like a miniature bowler hat perched on the crown of a beefy mafia enforcer.

A bunch of people have asked me about running the Top Handle on batteries they already have, rather than buying a big HO. I ran a test with my saw and videoed the results.
https://youtu.be/T7SktKaT760
It appears Milwaukee specifically made the saw to take advantage of HO batteries since it really won’t run on an XC, where my rear handle chainsaw will run on an XC - I personally like this, every battery fits, technically, but the saw will outperform another 18v because it leverages the more powerful HO batteries. The saw will run on a 3.0, but doesn’t last very long as one would expect. On a 6.0 HO I ran out of log before battery. My general experience running saws on battery, the 12.0 has more power and runtime than you would linearly extrapolate based on 6.0 and 8.0 performance.
Lemme know if you have questions or other things to test.
I sorta want to do a head to head with the M12 hammer drill, M12 SDS, M18 hammer drill, M18 1” SDS, and M18 1-9/16 SDS - probably in CMU and maybe craigslist some old concrete. I’d have to figure out where to get the 1” though, and what materials people want to see drilled.

Never again will I buy a gas engine mower for a small plot.
Quiet, variable speed blades, does not scare the animals, even the chickens will follow along after bugs, no fumes, the batteries can be used in an ass ton of very nice home owner tools, machine is light enough I can wrestle it out of anything it gets stuck in, power capacity can be expanded with additional or improved batteries, NO BELTS, like driving an RC car around the yard, zero turn design, cupholder that won't vibrate the fizz out of your drink because there's no attached explosion box.
Seriously, I'm done with gas engine anything related to mowers. It's also easier on the grass and soil because the whole machine is not shaking like a concrete vibrator, liquifying the wet soil and displacing it under tire tread anywhere that is not perfectly dry.
I did not realize how badly the engine vibration was impacting myself and my landscape till it was absent.
Any electric.
I've thrown my lot in with Ego. Stupid name, great products, promised continued battery compatibility with ALL their tools. I use the mower batteries in a battery bank for camping. Can't easily do that with the engine in a gas mower that just sits idle in the off season. The high CFM leaf blower is amazing. The flood light is contractor grade. The push mowers are light, quiet, reliable, and chew up unkept lawns like a champ. The string trimmer is, well it's a good string trimmer, I dunno. Electric variants of those have been pretty good for a while if you pay enough.
There are places for gas mowers, and def for larger property applications, but this is the future, electric is viable, so so off brand batteries are available cheaply. There is no reason for me to spend on a comparatively priced fuel burner going into an increasingly EV future. It plugs in to charge as simple as my phone, and has a charge plug FOR my phone beside the aforementioned cupholder, of which there are two. There is an available shade canopy that is sturdy enough to act as a light rollover bar, and mount for an equipment box or yard tools.
Seriously, go electric. It made mowing my rough hilly forested 2 acres actually fun, like a little off road adventure every time. The zero turn is surprisingly capable on things other than flat lawn.
There is a reason Craigslist and Marketplace are flooded with free gas mowers.
The chainsaws are also pretty nice, and a major reason for my electric choice is fire. No heat and spark making engine, which after massive sustained fire evacuations a few summers ago is a HUGE deal. Not only is there no hot exhaust to worry about, but also no exposed friction heat sources, such as obtuse belts and pulley systems. This is not the flat-belt drive 1920's. Direct drive that shit with an enclosed high torque variable speed motor.
It has nice LED lighting, so you can near silently mow at night, even in a residential area, when the sun is down and it's cool out, and nobody will care because unless you chew up a rock or big branch nobody is going to hear it through even the most basic of vinyl frame double pane window.
I am using this thing outside it's intended spec's, and am using it hard, and it keeps going. This is the sort of machine the average home-owner actually needs, but marketing and bravado says otherwise.
It is not commercial equipment, but if you actually do need that, this brand is also expanding into that market.

Facebook Marketplace is garbage. They killed Craigslist, and it just doesn't work now. The filters and search function do almost nothing. I set it to any distance, and it'll show me every ad from outside that distance. I search for a certain term, and yet it shows me everything that's not what I'm searching for. My friends and family can send me screenshots of things they think I'd want, and then I can't find it on a search for the exact title of the posting. I have to have them send me the URL just to find something well inside my search parameters.
Why is it like this? Why is the search function next to worthless? Why does it show me shit 300+ miles away on a 40 mile search from my zip code? Why should I search for "Toyota" in a certain year model range and then be shown 500 Chevy trucks that don't have the word I searched for anywhere in the title or listing? What the fuck do I have to do to get the results I want in Marketplace? If there isn't anything that fits my parameters, it should say "End of results." instead of giving me 5,000 results of unrelated shit. I'm sick of actually seeing things I am looking for, then seeing the location is a place that would take an entire Saturday and $100 in gas to go get. Just moments ago, I searched "chainsaw" and limited the circle to 40 miles. Why am I seeing listings 250 miles away?

What the fuck was that?
Fucking CIA is right out my window dude. Got drones n shit. Invisible drones. That's what they have behind closed doors now. I know I'm right because if I had the ability to make my spy mechanism invisible, that's a no brainer decision. Invisiblize that ish ten outta ten times.
God I wish my sister was here. She always loved my opulent genius. I remember the day she died she told me I'd grow up to win all the Nobel Peace Prizes in a given year. That was exactly forty seven minutes before I cut her head off with a length of rusty barbed wire. Don't ever try to take my fish tacos from me, man. That shit is serious.
Still, it would have been nice if I didn't immediately douse her limp body in kerosene and had a little barbecue in my living room. Yea, I probably could have kept her body fresh for a few months if I timed storage in the freezer and heating it up in the microwave. Oh well, hindsight's 20/20. At least I had fun with her head. Ed Kemper would be proud.
Sigh...why do I have to be such a doofus at times? I mean, I can bench press two hundred pounds with my 147 IQ brain, but it's just when I...choose not to think that the problems happen.
That's why I've been boiling bottled water. Certainly can't trust the water from the pipes; it's been through too many right angles. Completely strips the water molecules of their spiritual energy. So, I was drinking some Smart Water when the voice from the mirror dimension told me that they started putting fluoride in the bottles in secret. That shit will give you a squishy brain and turn your pineal gland into a thimble of salt. Can't let that impact my genius. Yes, I need my genius to find...her...
Oh it's useless, she's gone for good. I send out five Craigslist ads a day to find my missing sister so we can make love on her bed again. Nothing. Got some false positives, sure, but that was always those mean high school boys trolling me again. Can't believe they got me to wander into the park in nothing but a lacy thong because they convinced me it would resurrect her. How dumb am I? At least they didn't film me crying again. That would have made me consider breaking my no killing minors rule. It's whatever, I've got a chainsaw with their names carved in the blade, just waiting for them to turn eighteen.
It's real simple: you take away a man's dignity, shame on him. You take away a man's sister, and shame on you. You took her, you devilish fiend. Give her back! She's mine! Get away, I'll eat your face you jambalaya looking ungulate you. Don't doubt me, cuz you'll know I'll do it...friend...best friends forever...oh man my sister and I used to do a dance to the best friend song. Let's see if I can still remember how to do it...
[Review] - Overall, not bad for being rusty. I definitely didn't have the pizazz that made my trolling during the sex cult it's extra finesse. That will come back, I'm sure. You can't plan this shit; your brain just shits out gold when it wants to. Still, I'm going to need to get more consistent if I'm to work with y'all in pulling the wool over the eyes of the normies. I'd say 6/10, nothing special but could be worse.

I impulsively bought 9 chainsaws that don't work, from a guy on Craigslist (mix of Craftsman and Homelite saws). They all needed new carbs or fuel lines or both (abiut $20 per saw in repairs, on top of the $20 I spent on the saw itself)...well, I fixed em all...and now I have 9 old, mid-grade chainsaws that I don't need (I have a Stihl) Is there a woodcutting charity yall would reccomend I give these to or something? Why the hell did I do this? Should I just slowly sell these on Craigslist? Suggestions/ideas/jokes/insults welcome. Thank you.

I impulsively bought 9 chainsaws that don't work, from a guy on Craigslist (mix of Craftsman and Homelite saws). They all needed new carbs or fuel lines or both (cost $20 per saw in repairs on top of the $20 for each saw itself)...well, I fixed em all...and now I have 9 old, mid-grade chainsaws that I don't need (I have a Stihl) Is there a woodcutting charity yall would reccomend I give these to or something? Why the hell did I do this? Should I just slowly sell these on Craigslist? Suggestions/ideas/jokes/insults welcome. Thank you.

My October horror (and horror adjacent) list with ratings. I was able to get through a lot of titles this month thanks to a few multiple movie nights and a horror movie marathon on the 29th.
I have a huge list of titles that I wasn't able to watch or re-watch this month so I'm gonna keep it going all November 😈
10/10
• Halloween (1978)
9.5/10
• The Slumber Party Massacre (1982) • Re-animator (1985) • The Mummy (1999)
9/10
• A Clockwork Orange (1971) • Friday the 13th (1980) • Sleepaway Camp (1983) • Body Bags (1993) • Coraline (2009)
8.5/10
• The Fly (1958) • Hellraiser (1987) • Bride of the Re-animator (1989) • American Psycho (2000) • Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) • DAHMER - Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story (2022)
8/10
• Carnival of Souls (1962) • Cannibal Girls (1973) • Phantasm (1979) • Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990) • Scream (1997) • Men (2022)
7.5/10
• When a Stranger Calls (1979) • Hocus Pocus (1993) • Sleepy Hollow (1999) • Jennifer's Body (2009) • Hell House LLC (2015) • Kids vs Aliens (2023)
7/10
• Tales from the Crypt (1972) • The Stuff (1985) • House of 1000 Corpses (2003) • Bad Times at the El Royale (2018) • Don't Worry Darling (2022)
6.5/10
• The House by the Cemetery (1981) • Once Bitten (1985) • The Thing About Pam (2022, mini series)
6/10
• The Terror (1963) • Grizzly (1976) • The Beach (2000)
4.5/10
• The Craigslist Killer (2011) • Hocus Pocus 2 (2022)
4/10
• The Munsters (2022)
2.5/10
• The Perfumier (2022)

NO NOTES, NO CHATS
Hey everybody, hope y'all have had a great week. I've been working on a garage clean out the past couple of weeks, I've got a lot of this stuff for sale locally on Craigslist, but figured I would offer it up to GAFS as well with discounted pricing. Due to the size of these items, this will have to be a face to face transaction. I am located in the Arkansas River Valley, but frequent the Denver area and could meet anywhere in between. Open to traveling to other parts of Colorado as well for the right deal. If there is something you are really interested in having shipped, we could probably work something out. Trades I am interested in are at the bottom of the post. Let me know if you have any questions or would like to see additional photos!
Hyside Raft Setup: https://imgur.com/a/kyCgsh1
Recently have had a couple big life changes, which have forced me to re-examine what hobbies I spend my time and resources on. So, I am parting ways with pretty much all of my whitewater gear. This is almost everything you need to get out on the water. Partial trades preferred.
-The boat: 13' Hyside, former commercial boat I purchased at the end of the summer. I have guided this boat on many commercial trips, but since my acquisition, it hasn't been a private trip. Wear and tear you would expect from a former commercial raft, many patches, but no leaks. Perimeter line is a little tight on the right side of the bow, could be loosened some or removed at that section. Small section of one floor I beam is blown out between 2nd and 3rd thwarts. I have removed a good portion of the decals already. Includes 3 paddles, one NRS and 2 Hyside.
-PFDs: Astral Greenjacket Rescue PFD that has seen one season of use. NRS Greenknife in the pocket. Great condition except for a tear on the back where it encountered a low bridge on Bailey. Size S/M. NRS Ninja with 2 seasons of use. NRS Pilot Knife on the front. Size S/M. Old Extrasport Adult Universal commercial PFD that is missing a buckle.
-Helmets: WRSI Current, size S. One season of use. Typical scratches, no cracks. Straps and padding are all in great shape. NRS Havoc Universal Helmet, this was a backup for me that I got used and didn't see much use. Good condition.
Other Gear: K-Pump mini (like new condition), NRS 25L Tuffsack, NRS Blast pump, SMC pulley, couple of carabiners (NRS and Black Diamond, one of which is on a flip line), NRS waist throw bag, NRS Splash top (S), NRS Hydroskin leggings (S), a bunch of cam straps, wetsuit/drysuit shampoo.
TV/SV for the lot $2200. Would be open to parting out. Let me know if you need more details on this, I am also working on getting some photos of the underside of the raft as well.
Garage sale items: https://imgur.com/a/Z3lUi6h
-Roadshower 4S: This is an awesome piece of kit and was indispensable for the summers I lived out of my truck. It holds 4 gallons of water and gets nice and warm on a sunny day. It can be pressurized via a Schrader valve with a bike pump or small compressor. Great for showers in the woods, washing dishes, spraying down muddy gear or dogs. This is the model that predates Yakima acquiring Roadshower, so it's a little different than what is currently available (https://yakima.com/products/roadshower-4g?_ga=2.43370405.120672769.1660525542-425134455.1660525542). Still in decent shape for having been riding around on the roof of my vehicle since 2019, though the stick on thermometer is pretty salty. TV/SV $180
Motorcycle Gear Starter kit-Cortech Boots Size 41/US Mens 8, HJC CL17 Helmet Size S, Tucano Urbano Jacket in Gray Size 41 IT/US Mens S, Icon Gloves Size S. Jacket has some small tears, boots have typical wear and tear(but lots of life left), helmet has scuffs. Gloves are in excellent condition. TV/SV $130 for everything.
Cabelas 3mm Backwater Neoprene Mens Chest waders size 8. Brand new never worn, stored for years in their box. TV/SV $70
Makita Cordless Circular Saw and Chainsaw. Both are pretty lightly used. Chainsaw used once to cut down the Christmas Tree at the ski resort I worked at last year. Circular has seen a few projects, it was purchased factory reconditioned. They didn't do a great job, because the blade depth adjustment plate is bent. Fine for cutting 3/4" plywood, but binds up if you have the depth bottomed out. Probably would be an easy fix but I already have too many saws. TV/SV $150
Firearm Parts:
300 blackout upper. Built this to be a budget-ish hog rifle, but I think I would rather have an AK. I've put around 250 rounds through it. It started out life as this (https://www.midwayusa.com/product/1022269970?pid=517122) complete AR-Stoner upper from Midway. I wanted the slick side upper receiver for another project, so I broke it down and rebuilt it on PSA upper. I ditched the friction-fit rail for the much nicer Fortis 14" M-Lok rail that it has now. Also included are an AR-Stoner handstop and Magpul M-Lok sling swivel. The BCG, barrel, charging handle, pistol length gas system and A2 flash hider were retained. The BCG has been coated with Cerakote Micro-Slick. $360 $340 $330 $315 https://imgur.com/a/ZJNAIf4
Vortex Diamondback 3-9x Scope in Warne 1" Mount. Low sodium, some ring marks. I guess it's seen around 150-200 rounds. V-Plex Reticle. Selling because I would prefer a different reticle. $250 $220 $210 https://imgur.com/a/9bMmW2Q
Trades:
BCM QRF12
Quality Optics (Vortex Razor LPVO, ACOGs, etc)
WMLs for rifles: Streamlight, CD OWL or Rein Micro, Modlite, Surefire and associated mounting hardware, switches, etc
Gucci AR Uppers
TLR1HL in Brown/FDE
Cash/Venmo/Paypal/Crypto
Fee calculator for G&S users: https://thefeecalculator.com/

https://medford.craigslist.org/grd/d/prospect-chainsaw/7516452584.html Currently I have a 271 Farm Boss by Stihl, but I'm wanting to get something bigger and get a little bit more serious into felling and possibly milling my own lumber. All I do in the off season is clearing brush and taking down tree on various properties, also my father in law is on a 200 acre property on the edge of the mountains so there's plenty of wood to be cut. I want to get the magnum for the sheer power and ability to run a 30+ inch bar so I can also take some "felling classes" for much larger timbetechnical cuts, and more certifications. I've been cutting for years but as to what certain saws are worth I have almost no idea. The guy says it was used pretty frequently for work, and it looks well used, but for $250 it seems like a pretty sweet deal. How does it sound to you guys?

https://sfbay.craigslist.org/pen/cto/d/pacifica-2008-ford-f350-4x4-utility/7442452900.html
intended use is for doing forestry work, mostly within 100 mile radius. hauling chainsaws pumps and firehose. says it had major engine work done 20k miles ago.
edit: the crowd has spoken. 6.4 is trash no matter how you slice it

I didn’t believe Aiden when he told me about the job. 45 an hour no prior training, and part-time. It was almost a perfect situation for me while I finished up the last of my online college classes. The only problem was that it was in the middle of the woods at a place called the gentleman’s sorcery society.
We drove out to the specified location only to find roads didn’t go out that far. After half an hour of stumbling through the forest as Aiden failed to read google maps, we finally spotted something.
In the middle of the evergreens stood a gray wooden single-story house with a concrete fence sticking out from either side. That looked out of place in the forest but wasn’t particularly strange. What was strange was the massive oak with a treehouse situated within its branches rising behind the concrete fence. As I stared at this unusual architectural construction I also noticed two men standing on either side of the porch.
“You think that's the sorcery society,” Aiden said giving a halfhearted wave to the men.
Strangely neither waved back. They continued standing motionless their backs against the house like sentries. I felt a shiver run up my back. “Hello?” Aiden said waving both his hands above his head.
The two men remained frozen. Part of me wanted to turn away and yet I had to know. Why were they standing there like that? “Maybe they're like the queen's guard or something?” Aiden said, “I mean-“
“I need to see what’s going on,” I said walking forward towards the house.
“Dude wait…”
I didn’t listen. When something's bothering me I need certainty. As I approached them they looked even more off. The way this stood was too stiff with their bodies holding nearly the same position and their heads facing slightly downwards. The only movement was their hair in the wind. And their faces. Something was very wrong. These men weren’t living people.
“Oh goddammit!” Aiden laughed. “They're just mannequins.”
I let out a sigh of relief. He was right. Two plastic dummies dressed in cargo shorts and gray t-shirts stood backs to the wall of the gray house. Still fucking creepy but at least they weren’t dead. As I examined the porch further I saw a circle painted to the door with the letters GSS inscribed in the middle of a seven-sided star. There was also a small piece of paper taped below.
“Job applicants please go inside.”
I looked back at the shadowy trees behind us and the stationary mannequins. Hopefully, there would at least be a living person inside the building. Hesitantly I opened the door and walked inside.
We stepped into a small white room free of furnishing with nothing other than a plain wooden desk and two doors facing us one labeled locker room and the other labeled maintenance. The humming sound was even louder now, and I could feel a slight vibration on the floor.
“Hello anybody?” Aiden asked.
“What's this?” I said approaching the desk.
On the desk was a single stack of documents and a small wooden box with a paper width slip along the top. I grabbed one of the documents and read it.
*
Job applicants read carefully. A signed agreement and failure to follow rules will result in instant termination from the gentleman’s sorcery society and full punishment of the law. Please memorize these rules before signing.
RULE 1: When you enter this building for work you will remove your day clothes and put on the provided clothing in the locker room before stepping foot onto the yard.
RULE 2: When you are in the yard you will do as W says and only interact with W. (DO NOT INTERACT WITH ANYONE ELSE)
RULE 3: You will leave when W says you are done for the day no earlier or no later.
RULE 4: Shower thoroughly before putting your day clothes back on. You will be inspected to see if you are compliant.
If you agree to the rules please sign this document and place it in the wooden box provided.
*
At the bottom of the document was a little space for a signature.
“This is fucking weird dude,” Aiden said staring at his document.
“Yeah, I know,” I said reading over the rules again. “And why is there nobody around?”
“I dunno maybe it’s a test to see if we act responsibly? They probably got hidden cameras watching to see if we steal anything.”
Not that there was anything to steal. The room was barren besides the desk and the papers.
“Fuck it 45 an hour,” Aiden said signing.
I considered for a moment. The document didn’t say anything about our pay, Aiden only knew that from the craigslist ad. That felt very weird to me like we were being tricked. I also couldn't help but notice that the document didn’t seem to have any of the fluff a legally binding document would have.
“Dude just sign it I don’t want to work here by myself.”
I sighed put my signature and placed the document in the wooden box.
“Now what?” Aiden said.
“Guess we go change,” I said walking towards the door labeled locker room.
The locker room was small and dingy with gray tiles, three showerheads in the corner, and a meager collection of actual lockers. In the center of the room was a small wooden bench with two white piles laid atop it.
After some confusion, Aiden and I realized that the white piles were our work clothes. They consisted of white full-body jumpsuits with white goggles. After removing our clothes and cramming them into lockers we put on the jumpsuits and goggles.
“What do you think we’re going to be doing?” I said looking at the door at the back of the locker room with the word yard written in white block letters.
“I dunno man these outfits don’t feel very sorcery,” Aiden said adjusting the goggles. “Maybe we're going to be painting something?” “Alright let’s see if there’s anyone out there first.” I opened the door and stepped out into the yard.
We were in a massive patch of grass surrounded by a concrete fence. At every corner of the concrete fence, were massive grated fans blasting air upwards with big metal vents running along the inside of the concrete barrier. Besides grass, the yard was filled with several large blue tarps and woodworking material from large band saws, circular saws, axes, and even a pile of chainsaws. To the left of us was the massive oak tree with a winding rickety staircase leading up into a treehouse.
There was also a person descending the treehouse staircase.
The man who I presumed was W limped down the steps barefoot. His appearance looked rather ordinary with a full gray beard thinning gray hair a gray t-shirt and a pair of cargo shorts. The only thing that stood out about his appearance was his cane. It was intricately carved of dark gnarled wood and was covered in interlocking patterns with a piece of blue sea glass affixed to the top. Out of everything we had seen the cane was the only thing that looked remotely related to ‘sorcery’.
The man descended the final steps onto the grass and stood still staring at us intently.
“Hi, we're here for the job!” Aiden said trying to look professional. “Are you W?”
The man gave a curt nod and continued staring at the two of us judging every inch with his eyes. As I stood there awkwardly I realized he was dressed exactly like the mannequins out front.
“Hello?” Aiden said nervously.
W ignored him and instead turned and walked across the yard stopped by one of the large blue tarps and beckoned us over. We came hesitantly. As I got closer I got a better view of the shape of the tarp and saw that rather than covering some uniform pile it seemed to be covering several smaller more human-sized piles all stacked atop one another. W crouched down by the tarp and looked up at the two of us.
“What’s under there?” I asked feeling uneasy.
“Wood!” W spoke for the first time and ripped the tarp back.
Underneath were a dozen bundles of muddy sticks all about the same length that I am tall. They were covered in mud, grime and looked to have been recently pulled from a swamp. They were also wrapped in patterned cords with gray discs depicting warped human faces affixed to the front of each wood bundle.
“I see.” I said, “So what are we supposed to do with it?”
“Chop the wood!” W said.
“Anything else?” Aiden asked.
“Just chop wood for now.”
*
And so we did. W didn’t seem to care how we chopped the wood so after some weak attempts to hack at the bundles with axes we quickly changed our approach and started running the bundles under the table saw. Within minutes we were covered head to toe in muck and I was very thankful for the white jumpsuit.
As we worked W paced around the yard occasionally stopping by to gather up the strange ornamental discs we removed from the bundles. After an hour of work, he disappeared wandering off behind the massive oak tree.
“What’s he doing over there?” I asked as I loaded the second to last bundle onto the workbench.
“I dunno,” Aiden said wiping muck from his goggles. “It’s our first day don’t go being all nosy.”
“First day at what?” I said in a low voice. “What are we even doing?”
“I don’t know man sorcery stuff? Maybe it’s a 'magic' ritual.”
“Yeah..” I looked down at the pile of chopped bundles beside the workbench. I had expected the wood bundles to fall apart once we removed the cord but they seemed to hold together surprisingly well. As I stared at the masses of gnarled muddy branches twisting together I found I felt strangely uneasy. I looked away.
After another few minutes of working W still hadn’t returned from behind the tree. It felt strange he had been pacing back and forth for the past few hours. Curiosity getting the better of me I set down the saw and hesitantly walked in the direction of the massive Oak.
I could distinctly hear a muffled voice from the other side. Was W talking to himself? I crept around and cautiously peered around the tree keeping my distance so I wasn’t intruding.
I saw W with his back turned holding a muddy bag. In front of him was a man wearing a gray suit.
This man was much better dressed than W. His suit was perfectly fit and his brown hair was tightly cut framing a distinctly average face. He was speaking to W in a low voice.
As I stared at them he stopped talking and his eyes shot to mine.
(DO NOT INTERACT WITH ANYONE ELSE) The words from the document flashed into my memory and I turned my head trying to look nonchalant and picked up a chainsaw. Had I breached the rules? No one was yelling at me, and W continued his talk so I supposed the glare was a warning. Weirded out I returned to Aiden and we continued chopping wood.
Thankfully I didn’t see anyone else after that incident. W returned to his pacing and once we finished our final bundle he led us over to the second part of our bizarre operation. Disposing of the wood.
There were five large metal trashcans that W had us place the wood in along with bagged gravel. After we filled a trash can up we would seal the top and move on to the next one. Once we had filled 7 trashcans full of wood and gravel W had us roll them to the area behind the oak tree.
It was strange. As we rolled the trashcans along I thought I could hear something moving through the forest behind the concrete fence.
My suspicions were confirmed when W came rushing towards us fear in his eyes. “You need to go now!”
“What?”
“They're here. I should have told you to work faster. You're done for the day go back to the locker room!”
Not needing any more encouragement the two of us hurried back inside and closed the door. We quickly stripped off our muddy jumpsuits and showered. Thankfully our clothes that we had left in the lockers were still there and once we were dressed we headed back to the empty desk room at the front of the building.
Only this time it wasn’t empty.
When we stepped through the doorway we saw a man now seated at the desk while the stack of papers and the wooden box was gone.
“Oh shit!” I jumped back. “Sorry I wasn't expecting you.”
The man glared at me. He was dressed the same as the W and the mannequins out front and he looked me and Aiden over with a judging eye.
“Turn around.” He said coldly.
We obliged. He seemed satisfied once we turned back around and gestured towards the door.
It was almost pitch black by the time we arrived back at our cars and I was feeling more than a little weirded out.
“What the hell was that?” Aiden said keeping his voice low. “I feel like we were doing something with a cult. I don’t know if I’m going back tomorrow! This shits too weird.”
“Yeah, dude I…” I trailed off. I had been reaching my hand unconsciously into my pocket for my car keys but I found something else. I pulled out a blank envelope from my pocket.
“I have one too,” Aiden said pulling out a white envelope.
I opened the envelope and pulled out 250 dollars 25 more than what I should have been paid given the hours we worked.
“See you tomorrow then.” Aiden laughed.
That’s how our job started. The following days fell into the same routine. Aiden and I would cut muddy bundles while W paced around the yard. The only other people we saw were the occasional gray-suited visitor and the man who sat by the desk in the evening.
The gray-suited men interested me the most. They would always come around sunset. It seemed to be a different man every time. Sometimes there would be two of them but they would always be wearing a gray suit and purple surgical gloves. Sometimes they would stay and chat with W while other times they would just take the muddy bag of ornamental discs and leave.
At first, I didn’t know where they were coming from but eventually, I spotted a doorway in the concrete fence hidden by the tree. I wondered if the gray-suited men were the people that came ‘after hours’ W was worried about. We hadn’t had any close calls like the first day but W would always get a little antsy as the hours grew later.
I tried to do some research on the Gentleman's sorcery society. After hours of trowling through the internet, I found one archived post from 4chans paranormal board asking about GSS, but there were barely any responses. Stranger still when I clicked the only link provided in the thread it linked me to a different archive of the same thread.
“I tried to do an image search on the logo on the door,” Aiden said as we finished our shower on the fourth day. “Nothing. I can’t find anything about this place.”
“Yeah, I haven't found anything else either.”
“Dude this feels like a criminal organization or something. Do you think we'd get arrested for working with them?”
“Doubt it. We haven't done anything wrong.”
After we finished getting dressed we both hurried from the locker room. After standing halfheartedly to let the desk man inspect us I continued towards the front door.
“No STOP!”
“What?” I said jumping back and facing the desk man. His eyes had an energy I had never seen and for the first time, I saw emotion in his face.
“Your arm.” He said quickly composing himself. “You didn’t clean it.”
I raised my right arm and noticed a streak of brown mud running across the outside. I had been in a hurry while showering. “Oh… I mean it's just a little mud I’ve got wet wipes in the car.”
“No.” The desk man said his voice monotone. “You will go in there right now and shower.”
I noticed him begin to reach for something behind the desk.
“Okay! Okay!” I said, “I’ll take another shower don’t worry!”
“I’ll wait right here for you to be done,” Aiden said side eying the desk man.
I hurried back into the locker room even more weirded out and removed my clothes beginning a second shower. Why the hell had the desk man been so insistent? Was the mud poisonous or something? Within seconds it had already washed off my body. This place was so weird. I looked over at the doorway to the yard and a reckless idea popped into my head.
Leaving the shower running I snuck across the Locker room and cracked the door open an inch peering outside. The yard looked the same as we left it, with the fans humming and incandescent bulbs glaring lighting up the trees around the fence.
The only difference were the dozens of people moving about.
They were dressed in gray suits like the men who talked to W and were carrying the trash bins filled with the broken down branches and gravel out of the hidden doorway behind the tree. Strangely I could hear almost no voices save for an occasional grunt as a man moved a trash bin. As I peered towards the doorway near the tree I noticed something else.
It was hard to make out but there seemed to be a larger person amongst the shadows of the trees. As I narrowed my eyes to get a better look a dark shape appeared right in front of the door.
I stifled a scream and closed the door silently and stepped back heart pounding. After deciding no one had seen me I finished my shower and left with Aiden.
That night I was sure I saw a car following me. I looped around twice and the bright headlights never vanished. When I got home and looked out the window I could faintly see a gray van parked up on the hill above my house. I barely slept that night.
“You sure they were following you?” My friend asked the next day as we carried the last of the muddy bundles to the band saw.
“Who else would park a gray van above my house in the middle of the night?” I said dropping my pile onto the table.
The bundles were much smaller than normal today only about two feet in length, but there had been triple the amount so we were extra busy. “Looks like W’s got some visitors.” My friend said pointing towards the tree.
I could see W partially obscured by branches talking to someone. I had to know more about these strange men. Had they been following me? I looked over in the direction of the tree again and hatched a plan.
I grabbed a rock off the ground.
Eventually, W finished his conversation and returned to his daily routine of pacing the yard. I waited heart pounding for him to pass me by and face away from us.
“What are you doing?” My friend whispered.
I smashed the rock against the running table power saw. Sparks and bits of rock flew everywhere and the saw spun to a stop the teeth a mangled mess.
W turned around and stared at the wreckage seemingly nonplussed.
“I don’t know what happened?” I said. “Do you have any spare blades?”
“Oh yes.. yes… of course let me go get some.” W headed towards the stairs leading up to the treehouse.
I watched as he ascended, now was my chance. As soon as he was obscured by the branches of the oak tree I hurried across the yard towards the hidden doorway. I could hear Aiden hissing behind me but I didn’t listen. Once I reached the doorway I grabbed the top of the concrete fence and pulled myself up looking over the edge. I saw a well-worn trail leading into the forest.
I vaulted over the concrete fence dropping down into the dirt beyond the doorway. I didn’t know how much time I had left until W descended again but I was going to find out who these men in gray were. Just as I was beginning to feel the panicky urge to run back I spotted a clearing ahead. I ran forward and then ducked behind a tree.
The trail ran down to a small dirt road. I saw a large gray van parked in the middle with voices coming up from it. Was it the same one from last night? It had to be. Who else would park a gray car out in front of my house? I listened in trying to make out what the men were saying but I was too far away. There were four men out back behind the vehicle talking to someone else inside. There was something strange about the voice coming from the van. As I craned my head out trying to see more I noticed one of the men stop and glance upwards.
I ducked back down behind the tree. Thankfully the men continued their hushed conversation. At this moment I realized it was probably time to go, surely W would notice I was missing.
I hurried back down the trail moving as quietly as possible. As I approached the concrete fence I noticed something red splattered against it. That was strange. I didn’t have time to worry about that, however, and instead, I grabbed ahold of the concrete and vaulted back over. Aiden was standing in the yard covered in mud glaring at me. I attempted to walk over to him as casually as I could muster.
“Right on time holy shit man.” He said pointing up the stairs to the treehouse.
W was descending the winding wooden staircase carrying the saw blade. I breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed he hadn’t noticed. In fact, it seemed as if he would have a hard time noticing anything at the moment. Going down the stairs seemed to be a real challenge for him. He was struggling to maintain his balance carrying both his staff and the saw blade. As he turned down towards the final stretch he fell.
I yelled as he tumbled forward. Thankfully he caught himself and came to a stop rather quickly the sawblade mercifully still clutched in his hand away from his body. His staff however flew from his grasp and tumbled onto the ground in front of us.
*
“Here dude let me get that for you,” Aiden said picking up the staff with a blood-stained arm and handing it back to W.
The world suddenly felt unreal. The sickly sweet metallic stench vanished just as I noticed it. I stared down at my arms. The red that covered them flickered back to brown like a dream.
“Did you smell that?” Aiden said now covered in mud again. “What just happened?”
I looked over at W and his staff with the blue sea glass, his knowing eyes met mine. It all made sense now. The uniforms, the showers, the desk man's insistence I clean myself the other night. I looked over at the mess of chopped-up wood bundles laying on the tarp, and the tiny uncut bundles laying atop the table.
How many 'bundles' had we cut apart in the past week? How many had we crammed into trash bins weighed down with gravel? I stared a the tiny gnarled wooden shapes, an illusion obscuring the corpses that lay on the table.
It was too much. My stomach turned and I vomited all over the grass.
W approached me as I sat on my knees in the grass. He kneeled down beside me and whispered in my ear. "I'm sorry. They make me do it. I'm so sorry."
W dismissed us early that day. Aiden is still confused he doesn't understand why I'm acting so weird. The image of Aidens arm keeps replaying in my mind, and the tiny bundles.
I know I should go to the police, but if they uncover what GSS were doing Aiden and I will be charged along with them. No district is going to believe magic tricked us into doing what we did. Worse still there's a gray van parked above my house again. I think the GSS know I'm onto them now.