Mixed mood disorder

Hello all, looking to get some opinions on a bag idea for hunting season. Please read description as it is rather...niche: Back-story: Living in Northern Canada boral forest region. My father and myself try to make a bonding adventure of going hunting together. We are not hunting big game but rather grouse (ground chicken) or rabbits. [We are either shooting guns or shooting with cameras, it depends on our moods. Like I said, more of a bonding adventure] Due to shooting restrictions and game habitat we normally have to drive about 200kms to reach a good area for shooting... if we had the perfect storm scenario say (locked/lost keys to truck, become disorientated in the deep brush, and one of us become injured) and we had to wait for help to come, up to 2 days wait. Would this be a reasonable bag to rely on?
Contents of camera back pack • Canon rebel t7 w/ 18-55mm attached • 250 or 300mm lens in bag • Spare batteries and wall charger • Spare SD card • Monopod? • Rain poncho (doubles as tarp) • Light cordage (25 to 50') • Small first aid kit (micro sizw with ABD pad and tourniquet) • 1l water • 3x Electro drink mix • Jetboil system personal size w/spare bic lighter • Thermal blanket • 3-5 cliff bars or similar energy bars • Mutlitool w/ knife • Pill bottle of lint • Spare mitts and 2x neck warmers • Spare socks • Zip lock bags for chickens • Tp and hand sani
On person regularly • Phone • Wallet • Keys • Folding knife • Light Jacket (possibly extra layer wind breaker if forecasts say bad)
Relevant for post information: -The area we hunt in is deep Spruce wood/muskeg. Water in a way isn't much of a issue, no more then .5km walk in any direction. - for those who have never hunted grouse, they are a really dumb bird, easy killed and can "gut" by stepping on their wings and pulling (yes really that easy ) so food could tentatively not be an issue. -we always tell our spouses in what general area we are hunting in. Normally not to a specific road but within a 50 km2 area i suppose. - we both carry a 22lr rifle as well take a defense gun (12 gage shotgun or 30-30 rifle)

I’ll be blunt. I grew psilocybin mushrooms 4 years ago during the pandemic. They were only for personal usage and I’ve since stopped any involvement with the substance for about 3 years now. However, my sister said cultivation is a felony and said not to put it down. I feel sick doing such a thing. I don’t want to lie, and will certainly not, but she’s incredibly adamant about me doing so. I was just wondering your guys’ opinions. Also got other “red flags” in the form of a treated mood disorder and had a situationship with a foreign nation in college. Applying for a position in Engineering.

I grew up with what I consider bad parents, I won’t get into why. By age 15 I began drinking and spent the next 28 years as an alcoholic. I had two daughters during this time, now ages 12 and 16. Their fathers are not in the picture. Due to things that happened in my childhood and my subsequent alcohol abuse I developed a personality disorder, 2 personality disorders actually. I’ve never been officially diagnosed but I’m certain I have covert narcissistic personality disorder and schizoid personality disorder. This has made it really hard for me to cope with life and parenting and I’ve been emotionally abusive to my kids at times. My life is also in total chaos. I can’t hold a job, keep the house clean, or function for longer than a few days at a time. For the past two and half years my kids have been living with my parents. It started out as a temporary thing but they don’t want to come back. I get that this is all my fault but I need to fix this. Every time I try to organize my shit and get my kids back, I get completely frazzled and overwhelmed and it devolves into some type of chaos. I believe my parents subtly and unconsciously contribute to the problem because they don’t like me and I feel my kids have absorbed their dislike of me, even since before they went to stay with them. If I tell my parents this, they just deny everything. I want to find peace and stability and get my kids and my life back but I don’t even know where to begin. What would you do if you were in my situation? Like literally step by step what exactly do I need to do. I love my children dearly but my personal issues have caused them to basically conclude I’m insane and they hate me. I haven’t drank in almost a month but I’ve been smoking weed every day because I feel like it’s all I have. Also there is no man in the picture so that’s not an additional source of stress, this situation is strictly between my kids and I. I’m not in any therapy or on any medication. I hired a personal trainer and have been working out with him for two weeks but my mood has not improved. I’m full of rage and anxiety.

⚠️TW, 22M
I hate talking about my trauma. I'm unable to clearly remember what happened to me and it is driving me crazy. I feel like I'm lying for attention or trying to get pity somehow, I don't believe myself and I'm just trying to make sense of it all because it all just seems too crazy. Every time I think about discussing my trauma a voice tells me “Stop feeling sorry for yourself you are pathetic”, and somehow this sentiment has been working very well for me up until now. I recently watched Baby Reindeer and I got the urge for the first time to write everything down. Just while writing all of this a lot of new memories have popped up, and I’m scared and not sure what to do.
For context, I have been diagnosed with c-PTSD (my ace score is 10) nevertheless, I am doing pretty well, graduating college now with two degrees and a near-perfect GPA. My diagnosis stems from extensive physical and mental abuse at home and in several foster homes due to drug and mental health-related issues my parents and foster parents were suffering from. Most of the trauma is unrelated to the trauma I'm seeking answers for in this post. It is relevant because I have very few memories from my childhood, not that I know what amount is “normal”, but I can't remember much up to the age of 11 years old, only fleeting memories, primarily traumatic ones. For some reason, I have managed to come out of all of my trauma very well, however, I have started to struggle more lately and I feel like I'm losing control of my mental health for the first time in my life.
I have memories of being held down and groped on the school playground when I was 6, while an adult was “keeping watch”. I also have memories of being locked in a room, but I don't have any specific memories of sexual abuse. I just have this feeling that it happened, I knew what a blowjob was, what anal sex was, and everything sex-related from the age of 5. I have memories of a guy making me blow him but it was all for fun, and he was my age, but in hindsight, I've realized that we were 6 years old and that is not normal behavior at all. This incident is unrelated to the others, and I'm not sure how we ended up in that situation, but it haunts me because we were having fun and laughing about it, it felt like a joke. It feels so wrong to think about it now.
Additionally, I almost had sex with a 24-year-old guy when I was 13, I didn't realize that this was abnormal until several years later. I freaked out and asked him to stop and he stopped, and in my eyes, he was a great guy for doing this, but I've come to realize that maybe he wasn't a great guy. This happened while traveling abroad with one of my foster families, she left me at some family friend's house in a very sketchy neighborhood while she was staying with their family. I was flirting with him, and I thought it was fun to try to get him to hook up with me, so I felt like it was my fault. While writing this I'm also questioning if this is normal behavior for a 13-year-old, I'm just realizing while writing this that I've had a messed up relationship with sex my entire life. My foster mom was yelling at me once because I was crying after my dad passed away right after our trip abroad (this was 6 months after, she said I had to get over it and stop crying) instead of saying this, I told her I was upset because that guy tried to have sex with me. She became extremely infuriated and said she was going to deal with it. A couple of days later, she told me she had “finished the business” with him, and said that her brothers had “dealt” with him and that he was gone from the city he lived in forever. I still have no idea what happened to him. He stopped posting on all social media afterward. I feel extremely guilty, and I'm still not sure what happened to him. Why did I tell her this?
Besides these memories, there is one incident (I don't know if it even happened) that has been tormenting me lately. The incident I'm about to describe triggered these memories. I hate writing about this more than anything. I was falsely accused by my foster mom, in the foster home I spent the most time in (several years, and the same one that left me stranded abroad) of sexually abusing their child. For context, she suffers from bipolar disorder and she would have breakdowns daily. This is just the tip of the iceberg, but I want to provide some examples of her behavior. She found porn on my foster brother's computer once and threw his computer out the front door, made him walk around a river for hours, and banished him from the house for two weeks to go live with his dad (her ex-husband, who she kicked down a flight of stairs which broke his arm).
She has not told anyone else in her family this, but she also confided in me that she was sexually abused by her uncle as a child. I feel like I need to provide context because I am extremely paranoid about being labeled as a predator, and have suffered extensively from paranoia (and still do) that people perceive me this way. I have never, and will never, and have absolutely zero urge to ever do anything inappropriate with a child. I feel like I haven't heard anyone going through this.
She took me out to a busy restaurant (the first time she ever did this) and while we were eating, out of the blue, she straight up asked me if I was sexually abusing her child. People around could hear our conversation, and their heads turned. I went into a state of shock, I was close with the child (he was born right after I moved in, three years old at the time) and viewed him like a brother.
After the shock wore off (I was 15 at the time) I just looked at her with teary eyes and said I would never do anything like that. Luckily, she immediately believed me and stated that she was suspicious because we fell asleep under a blanket together once, and she had noticed “weird” behavior from him (touching himself inappropriately, I was told later by my psychologist that this was normal behavior), and according to her because I was a foster child I had a greater likelihood of doing this. Afterward, she bought me a sweater and let me get dessert at the restaurant (this was a huge deal for me at the time, and I forgave her immediately, mostly because I was scared of her). She actually became extremely upset afterward and I had to console her.
(Side note, I was forced to live there for another year after, and she implemented specific rules for me. I was not allowed to be alone with him or be under the same blanket as him. This was extremely traumatizing, my relationship with him was ruined forever.)
On the car ride home, I was processing what had just happened and suddenly fell silent and felt an immense amount of anxiety, I felt like I was going to pass out. A memory from school, I was six at the time, of an older boy (15-16) who did extremely horrendous things to me, suddenly appeared. Feces and urine were involved. These memories are coming up again now, and I feel like I'm gonna have a panic attack every time they do.
My foster mom noticed that my mood suddenly switched, and asked me what was wrong. I told her I suddenly got flooded with all these memories of experiences I didn't know I had, and she told me that she was not surprised that her accusation triggered this. She also told me that she thought she knew what guy I was talking about (not that she did anything about it, she worked as a chef at the school while I was going there, but I was living with my parents at the time.) I have no idea if she is telling the truth, but this detail somehow made it worse.
I suppressed the memories and told myself that I was just making it up. I've done this my whole life, every time it pops up, it's not working anymore. I have this feeling a lot because I feel like what I've been through is unbelievable. That no one will believe me. I also remember that around this time, I had a complete shift in my personality. I went from being popular and outgoing to reserved and extremely shy. I became silent at school, I remember one day specifically, I didn't utter a single word all day, and I felt like I was out of my body. My teacher became so worried that she called CPS. I am not sure if this is related to the sexual abuse trauma (while writing this I still feel like I’m making it up) I may have gone through, or other trauma. I do not have a lot of other memories from this time, and I can't piece together the timeline of events. I'm not even sure what memories I have are real or not.
Another important aspect of all of this is that I had another foster brother who was the same age as me. We started having sex after I moved in at the age of 12. He would come into my room at night, without saying a word, and start doing sexual favors on me. I'm not sure and I don't remember what events if any led to this. He would make me do the same to him, even though I didn't want to, and told him no, I still did it. I didn't enjoy it and I didn't want to do it but for some reason I just did. I never enjoyed doing any favors for him, It made me feel disgusting, I hated it. We never kissed, cuddled, or did anything remotely romantic, no affection other than pure sexual acts. Was this sexual abuse? I don't understand. I'm so confused about all of this.
In hindsight, I guess I deeply suppressed it, I realized that the guy that made me blow him when I was 6, was him. We were in the same grade from 1st to 3rd grade. And now, I'm wondering if he was the one (if any) who did inappropriate things to my three-year-old foster brother. I've been suppressing all of this my whole life, and I'm shocked that I haven't realized this before writing all of this down. It happened in the same room when we were 6.
Recently, I've been feeling very depressed and anxious, and thoughts about all of this are coming back over and over again. I've noticed that I'm developing a weird relationship with sex, I can’t even put into words how I feel. Was I sexually abused or raped? How do I know what is real or not? I’m scared to go further into all of this because I don't want to uncover more memories, just while writing this I made several gut-wrenching realizations. Is there a specific type of therapy that helps with this? I just feel like it's getting worse every day. Thanks.

Thyroid disorders, such as hypothyroidism, hyperthyroidism, thyroid nodules, and thyroid cancer, impact millions globally. Despite being common, these conditions often go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed due to their subtle symptoms and complex causes. In today's fast-paced world, the need for effective thyroid wellness solutions is more critical than ever. This blog will explore the necessity for improved thyroid care, the available alternatives, why CureEZ stands out, and real-life examples of how CureEZ has transformed lives.

The Urgency for Thyroid Wellness Today
The Growing Prevalence of Thyroid Disorders
Thyroid disorders are increasingly prevalent, with millions of new cases diagnosed annually. For example, hypothyroidism, where the thyroid gland is underactive, affects approximately 5% of the population, with a higher incidence in women and the elderly. Hyperthyroidism, where the thyroid is overactive, affects about 1-2% of the population.
Several factors contribute to this growing prevalence. Environmental pollutants, dietary factors, and increased autoimmune diseases play significant roles. The impact of stress and lifestyle changes in modern society also exacerbates these conditions.
The Challenges of Diagnosis
One of the primary challenges in managing thyroid disorders is accurate diagnosis. Symptoms such as fatigue, weight changes, and mood swings often overlap with other conditions, leading to misdiagnosis or delayed diagnosis. Traditional diagnostic methods, primarily reliant on blood tests measuring thyroid hormone levels, may not always provide a comprehensive picture.
Moreover, subclinical thyroid disorders, where symptoms are present but hormone levels appear normal, complicate diagnosis further. Patients often face frustration and anxiety due to the uncertainty and inconsistency in their diagnosis and treatment plans.
The Impact on Quality of Life
Untreated or poorly managed thyroid disorders can lead to severe health complications. For instance, hypothyroidism can result in heart disease, mental health issues, and infertility. Hyperthyroidism can lead to severe complications like atrial fibrillation, osteoporosis, and thyrotoxic crisis if left untreated.
The physical symptoms are only part of the story. The mental and emotional toll of thyroid disorders can be profound, leading to depression, anxiety, and cognitive issues. This multifaceted impact underscores the need for comprehensive, accurate, and accessible thyroid care.

Current Approaches to Thyroid Wellness

Conventional Medical Treatments

1. Medication: The standard treatment for hypothyroidism is synthetic thyroid hormone replacement therapy, such as levothyroxine. This treatment aims to normalize hormone levels, but finding the correct dosage can be challenging and requires regular monitoring. For hyperthyroidism, antithyroid medications like methimazole or propylthiouracil are used to reduce hormone production.
   
2. Radioactive Iodine Therapy: Used primarily for hyperthyroidism and thyroid cancer, this treatment involves taking radioactive iodine orally to destroy overactive thyroid cells. While effective, it requires careful monitoring and can lead to hypothyroidism.
   
3. Surgery: In cases of large goiters, thyroid nodules, or thyroid cancer, surgical removal of part or all of the thyroid gland may be necessary. This option is usually considered when other treatments fail or when there is a suspicion of malignancy.
   

Natural and Holistic Approaches

1. Dietary Changes: Incorporating foods rich in iodine, selenium, and zinc can support thyroid health. For hypothyroidism, iodine-rich foods like seaweed, fish, and dairy are beneficial. For hyperthyroidism, a balanced diet avoiding excessive iodine and goitrogenic foods like soy and cruciferous vegetables is recommended.
   
2. Supplements: Nutritional supplements, such as iodine, selenium, and vitamin D, can help address deficiencies that impact thyroid function. However, supplementation should be approached cautiously and under medical supervision to avoid adverse effects.
   
3. Lifestyle Modifications: Stress reduction techniques, regular exercise, and adequate sleep are crucial for maintaining overall health and supporting thyroid function. Mindfulness practices, yoga, and other stress management strategies can be particularly beneficial.
   

Alternative Therapies

1. Acupuncture: Some studies suggest acupuncture can help alleviate symptoms associated with thyroid disorders. It is believed to balance energy flow in the body, potentially improving thyroid function and overall well-being.
   
2. Herbal Remedies: Certain herbs, like ashwagandha and guggul, are believed to support thyroid health. Ashwagandha, an adaptogen, may help regulate hormone levels and reduce stress, while guggul is thought to stimulate thyroid function. However, more research is needed to confirm their efficacy and safety.
   

Why CureEZ is the Superior Choice

Advanced Diagnostic Tools
CureEZ utilizes state-of-the-art diagnostic tools that go beyond traditional methods. Our AI-powered screening technology analyzes a comprehensive array of data, including medical history, symptoms, and lab results, to provide a more accurate and timely diagnosis. This approach addresses the limitations of conventional blood tests by considering a broader spectrum of indicators.
Personalized Treatment Plans
At CureEZ, we believe that no two thyroid conditions are the same. Our approach is tailored to each patient's unique needs, ensuring that they receive the most effective treatment. This includes personalized medication regimens, dietary guidance, and holistic care strategies. Our genetic testing capabilities allow us to identify specific predispositions, enabling early intervention and more precise treatment.
Innovative Therapies
CureEZ is at the forefront of medical innovation, offering cutting-edge treatments like Radiofrequency Ablation (RFA) for benign thyroid nodules and targeted molecular therapies for thyroid cancer. RFA is a minimally invasive procedure that uses heat to shrink nodules, reducing recovery time and complications compared to surgery. Our targeted molecular therapies focus on specific genetic mutations within cancer cells, providing more effective and less toxic treatment options.
Continuous Monitoring and Support
Our commitment to patient care extends beyond the clinic. CureEZ integrates wearable technology to monitor vital signs and hormone levels in real-time, providing continuous data to adjust treatments promptly. Our telemedicine platform ensures that patients can consult with specialists conveniently, no matter where they are. This approach offers flexibility and continuity of care, crucial for managing chronic conditions like thyroid disorders.
Patient Education and Community Support
We understand the importance of informed patients and a supportive community. CureEZ offers extensive resources and support groups to help individuals understand their condition, share experiences, and stay motivated throughout their treatment journey. Educational materials, webinars, and community forums are available to empower patients with the knowledge they need to manage their health proactively.

Real-Life Transformations with CureEZ
Mamatha's Journey to Recovery
Mamatha, a 35-year-old teacher, had been struggling with unexplained fatigue, weight gain, and depression for years. Despite numerous visits to different doctors, her symptoms persisted. Frustrated and desperate for answers, Mamatha turned to CureEZ.
Diagnosis and Treatment
Using our advanced screening, we quickly identified that Mamatha had hypothyroidism. Our team developed a personalized treatment plan, including the right dosage of levothyroxine, dietary adjustments, and stress management techniques.
The Transformation
Within a few months, Mamatha's energy levels improved, and she began to lose weight. Her mood stabilized, and she felt more in control of her life. Mamatha regularly uses CureEZ's telemedicine platform to check in with her specialist, ensuring her treatment remains effective.

Dilip's Battle with Hyperthyroidism
Dilip, a 42-year-old software engineer, was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism after experiencing rapid weight loss, anxiety, and heart palpitations. Conventional treatments had only provided temporary relief, and he was concerned about the long-term effects on his health.
Diagnosis and Treatment
CureEZ's comprehensive approach included a detailed analysis of Dilip's condition. We opted for a combination of antithyroid medication and Radiofrequency Ablation (RFA) to target the overactive thyroid cells.
The Transformation
Mark noticed a significant improvement within weeks. His heart palpitations decreased, anxiety levels dropped, and he regained a healthy weight. Continuous monitoring through wearable technology helped fine-tune his treatment, ensuring sustained progress. Mark now enjoys a better quality of life and peace of mind.

Conclusion
CureEZ stands out in the field of thyroid care by combining advanced diagnostics, personalized treatment plans, innovative therapies, and continuous support. Our approach ensures that patients receive the most accurate diagnosis and effective treatment, leading to better outcomes and improved quality of life.
If you're struggling with thyroid issues, consider CureEZ for a comprehensive, patient-centered solution. We're here to help you decode your thyroid disorder and transform your life.

References

1. https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/full/10.1089/thy.2016.0457
   
2. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0025619611623896
   
3. https://www.webmd.com/women/thyroid-disease
   
4. https://www.healthline.com/health/hypothyroidism/symptoms-treatments-more
   
5. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/23188-thyroid#:~:text=Your%20nervous%20system%3A%20When%20your,and%20hyperthyroidism%20can%20cause%20anxiety.
   

Recently diagnosed bipolar 2 and taking lamotrigine. The mood swings are so bad right now.
It worked well for the first few days and my mom triggered the swing on Sunday and it hasn't stopped swinging.
I'm going every where from angry to sad to normal to happy to angry again. And I can't stop talking.
None of my coping skills have ever worked on mixed and hypermanic episodes. From journaling to exercising. It works for my depressive episodes but not for the mixed and hypermanic.
I either have to get sick from the stress of it to stop or someone has to snap me out of it.
What are your guys ways to stop or manage mixed and hypermanic episodes?
Because bipolar is literally destroying my life. From not being able to work and making the only friend and solid, consistent support system I have distance themselves from me. Which is absolutely understandable. Because I'm by definition a lot right now.😭

Melodic Techno

1. Ivory - Identity
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3. Shinedoe - Phunk (Beswerda Edit)
4. Scenarios - Resilience (andhim Remix)
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1. SOMMA, YUMA - All 4 U
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7. Key Notez - Your Love Ain't The Same ( Maz Remix )
8. Amy Winehouse Back To Black ( DSF Edit )
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10. Collé - Kupata feat Nes Mburu
11. FCL - It's You (Alex Wann Remix)
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13. Time - PACHANGA BOYS ( Roy Rosenfeld Private Mix )
14. Moojo, Demayä feat. Arkadyan - Desperado (Besh Remix)
15. who is he - bill withers (victhor remix)
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17. Francis Mercier, Frigid Armadillo, Luedji Luna - Uiara
18. Nico De Andrea - My Everything (Bohemian Extended Remix)
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25. Folamour, Amadou & Mariam - Voyage (Antdot remix)
26. Guapo & Peaty - 6pm In Casablanca
27. Juan Yarin - Sun WLimiter
28. KURA - Sentir Saudade (GUAPO & Antdot Remix)
29. Peaty, Soldera - Niafunke
30. Ajna & Jamiie ft Nomvula - ID DEMO NEW
31. Alok - Yawanawa Sina Vaishu (Maz Remix)
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35. Peaty - KILOSA
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37. Ah Ya Alby (Ajna & Samm Edit)
38. Rockin Moroccan - All that she wants
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40. Cloonee Wade - Mi Amor (VXSION Remix)
41. DOT (BR), Rachel Reis - Eu Vou Pra Bahia (DSF Remix)
42. The Weeknd - Save Your Tears (DSF Edit)
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47. Raffa Guido - Yo ma Love (Original mix)
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55. Cheb Khaled - Abdel Kader (Mont Rouge Remix).wav
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64. Dennis Ferrer - Hey Hey (Da Capo Dub)
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66. Bob Marley - Is This Love (DSF's Believe In U Edit).flac
67. Reamonn - Supergirl (DSF Edit).mp3
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70. Uncle Waffles - Tanzania (Rampa Remix)
71. Drake - A Keeper (Moojo Remix)
72. Marten Lou - Radiohead 40
73. Rihanna - Stay (Moojo Remix)
74. Omah Lay & Naomi Sharon - Push ( BLK Remix )
75. Sanba Yo Pran Pale (&ME Remix)
76. Samm (BE) & Ajna (BE) - Move V2
77. Brandy - Almost Doesn’t Count (&ME Edit)
78. Da Africa Deep - Humans (&ME Edit)
79. Mano, Ajna - Bottom
80. Samm & Ajna - A Frenchie Thing
81. Ajna (BE) - Astro
82. Alex Wann, Soubeiran, Nes Mburu - N’Gele
83. Bun Xapa - La Mezcla
84. Keinemusik - Muye (Enoo Napa Remix)
85. MoBlack, Santiago Garcia ft. Yung Wylin - Good Energy
86. Moojo - Swing My Way
87. Samm & Reyou - Mama Hoekanda
88. Ilanga - Masšh (&Me Edit)
89. Masšh___Adam_Port_feat_Ninae_All_I_Got_Original_Mix
90. Rui Da Silva - Touch Me (Peace Control Remix)
91. Franc Fala - MoBlack, Benja, Franc Fala - Yamore (FF Master)
92. Downstream - MakeÌ_z, Life on Planets (Lazare Remix)
93. Billie Eilish - Everything I Wanted (Marten Lou Remix)
94. Cher - Believe (Super Flu Remix)
95. Drake - Get it Together (VXSION Remix)
96. Feid - Classy 101 (Maz, VXSION Edit)
97. Antdot & Maz - Corpo e Canção
98. Maz - Ndaciii
99. Maz (BR) & Antdot - Run (Original Mix)
100. Samm (BE) - Troy
101. Innerbloom - RÜFÜS DU SOL (Dennis Louvra Remix)
102. Samm & Maxi Meraki - Everybody Get Up
103. VXSION, Peace Control - Back To Life
104. ZASA ID- KEINEMUSIK
105. Toto - Africa (Rampa Remix)mp3
106. Unkle - Only You (&ME Remix).mp3
107. Chris IDH – 7Nation.wav
108. Naomi Sharon - Another Life (DSF Remix).wav
109. Abra - Feel (&ME Remix).wav
110. Pablo Fierro – Kababo (Unreleased Edit).wav
111. Future & Tems - Wait 4 U (Mont Rouge Remix).wav
112. France Gall – Ella, Elle L’a (Rampa Edit).wav

Only vinyl

1. Toto chiavetta _thank you in all languages (vinyl edition)
2. Auggie - Kithanda
3. Ego Maria - Anarchico
4. Ikaro Grati - Yan Bapala
5. Oyuki - Desaparecidos
6. Sobek X Colossio - Tatras (Vinyl Edit)
7. Trommer - Metalized
8. John Talabot - Machine (John Talabot's Synthedit
9. echonomist _overseas
10. eri _lapsed technology
11. olaaf stuut ft marlon penn _run_ (toto chiavetta edit)
12. Agoria - Remedy (Frankey & Sandrino Remix)
13. leafar legov - Alone
14. The Alan Pearsons Project - Sirius (Innellea Remix)
15. Tocotronic - Die Unendlichkeit (Roman Flügel Club Mix)
16. Kavinsky - Nightcall (Dixon's Private Edit)
17. Pergola ft lygdamo _rockin' in the free world
18. Eliot Sumner - After Dark (Dixon Edit)
19. Machine (Bodi Bill Version Dixon Edit)
20. Lykke Li - Dance Dance Dance (Dixon Edit)
21. Batongo Equation 2
22. CV - Fish Liquor
23. Khidja-Haetrin-John-Talabots-Late-Remix
24. Little-Dragon-Thunder-Love-Mario-Basanov-Vidis-Redo
25. Nils Frahm - Peter (The Drifter Edit)

Hi, newly diagnosed BPD here. And it has been a rollercoaster ride.
I am not uneducated about this condition. Actually I am an RN, so I noticed some things that worried me after starting Zoloft. Spending lots, confusion and extreme irritability, speech so fast I stuttered, very little sleep...sound familiar? I dragged myself back to the doctor with concerns, which she shared. She immediately refered me to a shrink. Who made me an appointment for 2 months out. Whoa. Now I dont know how long is a normal time to wait to see a doctor, but that seems excessive. I found another doctor to see me sooner and who spent 14 whole min with me, said she didnt think it was bipolar, and sent me home with a script for abilify.
Okay. Didnt much help. Still spendy and bitchy. I made it to the follow up appointment, where the doc spent all of 17 min to still say she didnt think it was BP, said she felt I was a "conundrum" but likely had a mood disorder.
Increased my abilify. Which did calm me down a bit. Still spendy though.
All this time, I am just trying make it to the original appointment.
They rescheduled it.
Twice.
It took almost 3 months to get to a doctor that went "oh yes, definitely bipolar." And that was 2 doctors, and with me pretty damn sure what was happening to begin with.
It makes me wonder how anyone ever gets a diagnosis without things getting really bad. Is this just a particularly American thing? Or is it this hard all over?

Previously, on Hell’s Kitchen…
The final 10 were given a challenge not seen in over a decade, creating their own menus in the revival of Red vs Blue Menu Night. While the blue team worked together, with a strong concept provided by Melody, the red team found themselves being led by Thomas, whether they liked it or not. However, as the chefs were returning to the kitchen to begin cooking their dishes, disaster struck, as Travis re-injured his ankle, and had to be taken to the hospital. Despite being down a man, and Grace feeling shortchanged by not getting anything on the menu, the blue team’s cohesive selection still managed to impress Ramsay and his special guests: three previous winners of Hell’s Kitchen. The red team’s menu had mixed results, which led to friction between Thomas and some of his teammates
In service, the blue team’s menu had the edge in popularity, but thanks to poor communication between Grace and Carole, the kitchen ground to a halt multiple times. Meanwhile, the red kitchen managed to push out their food in a timely manner thanks to strong teamwork on entrees. With the red team named the winners of service, it was time for the blue team to nominate two chefs to send home.
At elimination, though, everyone was in for a shock when Travis, who had been one of the early favorites, returned and announced that due to injury, he would be leaving Hell’s Kitchen for good. Ramsay still insisted on hearing from the blue team’s nominees, who were Grace, Carole and Melody after they failed to come to a consensus. But with Travis’ dream of becoming the next head chef at Gordon Ramsay Steak in Vancouver, British Columbia already having come to a heartbreaking end, Ramsay gave everyone another chance to show him why they were the chef he was looking for, but assured them that he was not taking any more excuses from now on.
https://reddit.com/link/1ctwn9g/video/oifsieupww0d1/player
And now, the continuation of Hell’s Kitchen…
After witnessing the shocking withdrawal of Travis from the competition, no one was in a celebratory mood as Ramsay dismissed them to the dorms for the night. Carole said in her confessional that he had been the main one supporting her in the blue team, and now it felt like she was truly on her own. As the blue team returned to the dorms, a very upset Melody unleashed her frustration, saying that Travis did not deserve to go home tonight over either Carole and Grace, and they needed to cut the bullshit and start thinking and working as a team. Lauren said in her confessional that it seemed like something snapped in Melody tonight, as she was well and truly fed up with the drama, which definitely made two of them. Even so, after noticing that Melody was sitting alone and nearly in tears, Lauren went over to comfort her, as Melody admitted that she hated to have to talk that way to her teammates, but she was sick and tired of the drama. Lauren assured her that it had to be said, and was proud of her for stepping up. Meanwhile, Grace said in her confessional that Melody seemed to be losing her composure, and would hopefully go down in flames soon.
On the red team’s side of the dorm, Faye was also feeling sadness over the way Travis had gone out, as she admitted to Michael that it reminded her too much of her own exit last season, only at least she had made the choice to walk away, while Travis never had one. Meanwhile, another chef had mixed feelings on the sudden turn of events, as Thomas said in his confessional that Travis had been a strong chef and a good person, and while losing him would cut the competition down, he would have rather seen him go out with dignity. Ramona and Everett, meanwhile, continued to stick closely together, with Ramona saying in her confessional that it felt good to have the security of the immunity pass, because she and Everett were definitely the most likely to be nominated if service went wrong, though she admitted she would feel some guilt if he went out because of it, but this was her career and future at stake. Everett said in his confessional that he couldn’t afford to worry about what might happen if he went up on the chopping block, and was just focused on trying to help the red team win.
The chefs were still trying to take in all the events of the night, but finally, tiredness overtook them, and they turned in for the night.
Challenge
The next day, the final 9 came downstairs to find Ramsy waiting for them, as well as a detailed diagram of a cow. Ramsay explained that he still had not forgotten the disaster that was Steak Night, and that was why, for this next challenge, he wanted to give both teams a chance to prove how far they had come by preparing dishes using five cuts: ribeye, top sirloin, hanger, flank, and striploin. Thomas said in his confessional that the red team had no business fucking this up, as they had several chefs who were strong on the meat station in services, while Lauren was nervous in her confessional, as she wasn’t sure about Grace or Carole. Since the blue team had one less member, one chef would have to prepare two dishes, which Lauren volunteered to do. With their instructions having been given, Ramsay told the chefs that their time started now.
The chefs rushed into their respective kitchens and quickly tried to sort out who would be responsible for which cuts of steak. In the blue kitchen, Lauren decided to take on the hanger and flank steak, while Grace took the ribeye, over Carole’s objections, and Carole was left with the striploin, while Melody took the top sirloin. Grace said in her confessional that she fought for this ribeye and she was going to carry her team to victory whether they liked it or not, while Carole said she would’ve felt much safer if anyone else were cooking the ribeye besides Grace. While Carole still seemed undecided on which direction to go with her New York Strip, at least one chef already had her dish planned out, and that was Melody, who went into detail in her confessional on how she wanted to plate her top sirloin. Meanwhile, Lauren was working hard to manage two separate cuts of meat, saying in her confessional that taking on the extra workload could either make her look really good in front of Chef Ramsay or totally blow up in her face.
In the red kitchen, Thomas was on the top sirloin, Ramona had the ribeye, Faye had hanger steak, Michael had flank steak, and Everett had striploin. Ramona said in her confessional that she had to deliver on the ribeye, as she already had the most losses of any chef here, and didn’t need to add any more to her resume with black jackets approaching. Thomas was confident that he could handle the top sirloin, as he said in his confessional that no one still here should have any issues cooking meat, and he would be disappointed in himself if he didn’t achieve perfection on this dish. Michael noticed Ramona seemed to be having some trouble with her ribeye, and tried to offer some advice, but Ramona said in her confessional that she had to do this alone, and told him she had it under control. Michael was annoyed, saying in his confessional that this was still a team effort, and it was no time to let egos get in the way. Meanwhile, Faye and Everett were seemingly in good spirits, with Everett saying in his confessional that meat was where he felt the most at home, and if he failed at this challenge, he might as well go home now, while Faye said in her confessional that it was nice to see Everett so energetic, and she hoped his dish could match that.
With the time nearly up, the chefs put the finishing touches on their dishes as Ramsay called out the final seconds and told the chefs to bring their plates to the pass. Ramsay then announced that he would be joined by a special guest judge for this competition, who was a familiar face to viewers of MasterChef: Ramsay’s former co-host on that show, Graham Elliot. The chefs were starstruck, with Melody saying in her confessional Graham was the best, and easily her favorite judge on MasterChef…after Ramsay, of course. After exchanging a warm greeting, Ramsay said it was time to get down to business, starting with the battle of the flank steak. This round would pit Lauren against Michael, with Michael saying in his confessional that this was his first time going against Lauren in a challenge, and he knew it wouldn’t be easy to take her down, given how consistently strong she had been. After tasting Lauren’s dish, both Ramsay and Elliot had high praise, saying the meat was tender and nicely cooked, although Elliot did say he might have done something different for the garnish. Lauren was second-guessing herself in her confessional, but In the end, both judges gave it four stars out of five. Michael said in his confessional that as expected, Lauren put up a good dish, but he was confident in his as well. Indeed, Michael’s flank steak was also found to be nicely cooked, and despite the somewhat simple presentation, Ramsay said this was a great start for both teams, as again, both he and Elliot each gave it a four.
With the score tied at 8, it was time for the battle of the hanger steak. Lauren stayed where she was while Faye brought her dish up to the pass. Elliot was impressed that Lauren had cooked two dishes for the challenge, although he noted that the hanger steak could’ve used a little more cooking time, which Ramsay agreed with, saying that was the one thing holding it back, and Lauren kicked herself in her confessional, as she said she should have been able to stay on top of it. Elliot only gave it a three due to the undercooked steak, though Ramsay said it still delivered enough flavor to get a four. Faye’s dish also got mixed reviews, as both chefs praised the cook of the meat, but questioned her garnish choices, with Ramsay pointing out that the presentation seemed slightly off. Elliot said she got the most important part right though, and gave it a four, to which Ramsay agreed, which put the red team ahead 16-15. In the third round, the teams’ ribeye dishes went head to head, for which Ramona and Grace stepped forward. Unfortunately for Ramona, her ribeye was badly overcooked, and Ramsay took her to task for serving something practically inedible to him and his guest. Ramona groaned in her confessional, as she couldn’t believe she had fucked up this badly. Both judges gave her a one, and Ramsay said she was lucky to get even that. Grace’s dish got mixed reviews, with Ramsay saying the presentation was shocking, while Elliot noted that the ribeye again was overcooked, though not nearly as much as Ramona’s. Ramsay said this was not what he expected from these chefs at this stage of the game, and gave Grace a one, but Elliot was more generous and gave it a two, as at least it had some flavor.
With the scores now tied at 18, it was time for the battle of the top sirloin, as Thomas and Melody brought their dishes forward. Melody’s dish earned praise for it’s stylish presentation and garnish, and after tasting the steak itself, Ramsay noted that it was cooked perfectly, and said this dish was a strong four, but Elliot went a step further and said it deserved a five, which made Melody giddy in her confessional, as she never could have imagined hearing those words before. Next was Thomas, with Elliot again noting the stunning presentation, and after tasting, he said that these two had really raised the bar today. Ramsay agreed and said it was the best pair of dishes yet, and this time, he would be giving out a five. Elliot agreed, giving Thomas a perfect score, which he took with a calm smile in his confessional, as he said Melody gave him a good run, but he never had any doubts. With the red team now back in the lead 28-27, it was time for the final round, as Everett and Carole would face off in the battle of the New York Strip. Everett went first, with Elliot saying, after a long pause…that the strip was absolutely delicious. Ramsay agreed, also praising the presentation, and said this was one of Everett’s best dishes yet in Hell’s Kitchen, as that deserved a very strong four. Elliot gave the same score, bringing the red team’s total up to an impressive 36, meaning Carole needed close to a perfect score to keep the blue team in it. Everett was absolutely fired up in his confessional, saying this was just the boost that he needed, and there was no stopping him now. Meanwhile, Carole presented her dish, which got good marks for presentation, but as Elliot sliced into the strip, he said it looked undercooked, to which Ramsay agreed, and said it was a great shame. Though it was only a formality, both Elliot and Ramsay gave the dish a two, giving the red team a 36-31 win.
Reward / Punishment
Ramsay thanked Elliot for helping him judge the challenge, and once he had left, Ramsay turned back to the chefs and congratulated the red team on winning the challenge, in particular praising the efforts of Everett and Thomas. He then said they were in for a fun reward, as he was sending all of them off for a day of paintball, followed by dinner at an exquisite LA steakhouse. Ramona was relieved in her confessional, as she knew she could have blown it for the red team with her ribeye, while Everett was ecstatic to have redeemed himself in this challenge, as he said in his confessional that he was still a beast at cooking meat. While the red team ran off to get changed, Ramsay turned his attention to the blue team and said that for today’s punishment, he had decided to put it towards a good cause by volunteering them for community service, which meant picking up trash on the side of the road. Grace moaned in her confessional, as she said that they always seemed to save the worst punishments for her. Ramsay reminded Melody that she still had that punishment pass, and offered to let her use it. Melody replied that she was never a paintball type of girl, and would rather help out the environment. Ramsay accepted her choice and told the blue team that they too would be changing…into their stunning orange uniforms.
The red team came back downstairs, and Michael joked in his confessional that it looked like Hell’s Kitchen had turned into a prison, while Faye apologetically said goodbye. While on the way to the paintball ground, the red team talked amongst themselves in the car, with Thomas saying that no one else was going home from the red team, and Michael agreed, saying they were all getting black jackets. Faye wondered aloud who their biggest competition might be from the blue team, but everyone quickly agreed that Lauren was the strongest. Ramona said in her confessional that she knew everyone was sleeping on her, but she would simply have to prove them wrong in service. Later, the chefs arrived at the paintball ground, and Faye said she hoped none of them would go easy on her just because she was a woman. Everett joked that she had nothing to worry about there, and the team ended up having an enjoyable afternoon, with Ramona and Everett trying to team up against Thomas, but he was able to shoot both of them. Michael said in his confessional that it felt great to just get outside and let loose without having to do some exhausting punishment. As evening approached, the red team were then taken to dinner, which Everett said in his confessional was some of the finest quality steak he had ever tasted, though not quite as good as the home cooking back in Oklahoma, which got some laughs from the others. Faye said that the next winner was sitting right here at this table, to which the others enthusiastically toasted, and the chefs continued to bond as a team over their meal.
While the red team were living the good life, the blue team were working in the hot sun to ensure that the environment could do the same. While the others tried to get on with their task, though, Grace’s constant complaining quickly got on all of their nerves, as Carole said in exasperation in her confessional that they were all well aware of the fact that Grace didn’t want to be here, and she didn’t need to broadcast it every five seconds. Lauren joked with Melody that she wouldn’t mind going on that paintball reward just to take a few shots at Grace, which Melody said in her confessional was tough to argue with, as even her optimistic outlook was being challenged right now by Grace’s incessant whining. Carole said in her confessional that she and Grace were definitely the most vulnerable on the team, but as long as Grace kept this up, she was making the decision easy for everyone, and as far as Carole was concerned, that was perfectly fine. Despite having their patience tested, the blue team worked through their physically exhausting community service and, for the most part, left feeling that at least some good had come of it.
Back in Hell’s Kitchen, the blue team arrived first and tried to unwind in the dorms until the red team returned later in the night. Grace quickly became annoyed with the red team talking about their reward, while Ramona said in her confessional that she didn’t mind rubbing it in her old rival’s face a bit. Lauren said in her confessional that the red team could have this one, as she was keeping her eyes on service. As the night dragged on, another topic came up, that being Travis, as everyone on the blue team aside from Grace admitted to missing him, and Lauren jokingly said even the punishments just weren’t the same now. Faye sympathized, as she said it was tough to watch a chef who had put everything on the line and pushed through an injury go out like that, even if this was a competition. Thomas agreed and said that everyone here deserved a chance to fight for their dream, as for these chefs, it was a potentially life changing opportunity, and he knew he would be devastated to lose it. Michael said in his confessional that it was no time for fucking around anymore, as they all needed to cook like it was their last night in Hell’s Kitchen.
The chefs chatted amongst themselves for a while longer before finally trying to get some sleep.
Pre-Service
The next day, the chefs went downstairs to begin prep, as Ramsay said that this was the stage in the competition where he wanted to see the best begin to shine, and warned that there would be nowhere to hide for chefs who were struggling to keep up. With that, he told the blue team that despite being a man down, he expected absolutely nothing less than a stellar performance, and told the red team not to get too comfortable with their challenge win, as they still needed to be locked in for service. With all nine chefs seemingly read to go, Ramsay allowed them to get started on prep.
In the blue kitchen, Melody and Lauren were in good spirits, though Melody admitted she still missed having Travis here, despite the fact that the blue team was all women now. Carole said in her confessional that the ladies should have no problems taking this service, as while she didn’t mind the format change, having all girls on one team was how it was done in the old days, and it would be even better if Grace was gone. Grace, meanwhile, seemed to be in a bad mood after her ribeye flopped in the challenge, as she said in her confessional that it couldn’t have been as bad as Ramsay said, as much as she respected his opinion, and refused to acknowledge Melody’s attempts to talk to her. Melody said in her confessional that nobody wanted Grace here, but the least she could do was try to reach out, as futile as it seemed. Lauren said in her confessional that in order for the blue team to win tonight, they needed Carole and Grace to step up big time, as she and Melody couldn’t do all the work here.
While the blue team was hoping for a miracle, the red team seemed loose and ready to go, with Michael saying that he had a good feeling about tonight, as there were no excuses for losing to the blue team now. Ramona said to Everett that this was their redemption night, with Everett agreeing and saying they were going to kick some culinary ass, and Faye said it was great to see both of them committed to bouncing back and leading the red team to another win. Everett replied that Grace was going home tonight for sure, which got some laughs from the others, as Michael said in his confessional that this was the one thing he was sure literally everyone else could agree on. Thomas, though, said in his confessional that everyone being this hyped up actually worried him, as he hoped they weren’t getting distracted and forgetting that they still had to earn the win. Michael encouraged him to lighten up, as they had a virtual all-star team here, but Thomas still maintained his serious demeanor, with Ramona saying in her confessional that this guy seriously needed to get a hobby.
Ramsay reminded the chefs again that he was looking for these chefs to show him why they deserved to become the head chef of Gordon Ramsay Steak, and with that, he called out to Marino and told him to open Hell’s Kitchen.
Dinner Service
Guests began to enter Hell’s Kitchen by the dozens, as it was once again the center of the culinary world for tonight, filled to the brim with celebrities and Hollywood elites. It was not long before orders began to make their way back to both kitchens.
In the blue kitchen, they were looking to Grace on appetizers and Carole on fish to give the blue team an early edge, while Lauren was on garnish and Melody was on meat. Early on, Grace managed to successfully deliver her first table of lobster tail risottos and capellini, with nicely cooked tails from Carole along with an acceptable order of scallops. Carole said in her confessional that they absolutely needed to keep this up, as both of them were effectively cooking for their lives right now. Unfortunately, communication issues cropped up again, with Grace not talking to Carole and bringing up her dishes without waiting for Carole’s scallops. Ramsay called out for the scallops, saying food was dying at the pass, and demanded to know why the fuck they couldn’t just work together as a team. Carole did eventually bring up the scallops, but they were raw, much to Ramsay’s disgust, and Grace said in her confessional that Carole just needed to get out of here as she clearly wasn’t cutting it. Despite these issues, and an overly salty risotto from Grace, the blue team did manage to finally start getting appetizers out into the dining room, with Ramsay even praising Grace’s risottos at one point, and telling her that’s what she could do if she would focus more on cooking than starting shit with her team. The blue team did eventually complete appetizers and began working on entrees.
In the red kitchen, Everett was working appetizers, while Michael was on fish, Ramona was on garnish, and Thomas and Faye were together on meat. Everett was glad to be working closely with Michael again, as he said in his confessional that they made a good team in the last service on meat. Early on, that familiarity seemed to be paying off, as Everett and Michael worked in sync with each other on the first few tickets and got their orders out in a timely fashion. Things did get bumpy, however, when Everett served mushy, overcooked capellini, and started dragging on orders, while Michael served overcooked scallops due to them getting mixed up on their times. Michael said in his confessional that they needed to get it together quickly, as they couldn’t afford to be falling behind so early in service. Meanwhile, Ramsay wanted to know where the energy was, as right now, Everett was going quiet and not responding when asked for times, and nothing was going out. Michael urged Everett to wake up and fight through it, and Everett did manage to get his next attempt at the capellini accepted. In his confessional, Everett said he was trying his best to keep it together, and admitted he had been thrown off his game, but he was far from done. With Everett’s newfound determination, the red kitchen finally had some life again, and after Ramsay praised both Michael’s scallops and Everett’s risottos, the two of them managed to get their rhythm back and serve the rest of their tables.
In the blue kitchen, they looked fo Melody to lead the way from the meat station, and thanks to strong communion between her, Lauren on garnish, and Carole on fish, they managed to get their dishes to the pass for the first table, but Carole’s turbot was undercooked, which left the entire order waiting for her, but she was able to recover quickly on her second attempt. On meat, Melody said in her confessional that it was pretty overwhelming to have to serve all of the blue team’s customers by herself for the first time, but despite dragging a bit on orders, she managed to push high quality Wellingtons and New York Strip out into the dining room consistently. Lauren, meanwhile, seemed at home driving tickets from the garnish station, and the blue team was finally starting to settle into a groove. Melody did serve a rare New York Strip, while Carole served raw turbot, but both were able to bounce back, and entrees were soon flying out to grateful diners. Melody and Lauren once again had no problems communicating and working in sync from their stations, with Lauren saying in her confessional that she and Melody could probably run the kitchen by themselves. But it was Carole who once again held up the kitchen when she inexplicably fired off halibut despite it not being on the ticket, which got her schooled by Ramsay for not paying attention to the ticket when he was standing less than five feet away. Despite this, the blue team managed to complete the rest of their entrees, and were soon ready to get started on desserts.
The red team was starting on entrees with Thomas and Faye on the meat station, and Faye said in her confessional that with meat being a station she felt comfortable in, she hoped tonight could be the night she stood out for the red team. On the first ticket, she and Thomas managed to serve beautifully cooked Wellingtons and New York Strip, along with nicely cooked turbot from Michael, but Ramona was holding the table up by dragging on garnish. Though she eventually managed to bring it up, Ramona would continue to drag on her section, frustrating her team, but especially Ramsay, as he kept calling out for times, with Ramona becoming flustered and not responding to her team. Ramona said in her confessional that the nerves were absolutely getting to her right now, and she seriously needed to bounce back. Meanwhile, Faye ran into some trouble on her Wellingtons, as she undercooked them for one table and said she would need several minutes for a refire, though she was able to recover. Thomas also had a rare mistake as he served undercooked New York Strip, and Ramsay said he didn't expect that from the executive chef. Thomas kicked himself in his confessional, saying that could not happen again, and he did manage to serve a beautiful New York Strip on his refire. However, on the next ticket, Ramona served a pot of runny mashed potatoes, and also seemed lost on what was actually going, as she couldn’t recall the ticket when Ramsay asked her. Ramsay had seen enough and took her into the pantry, asking her what the fuck she was doing, and if it was some kind of joke to her. Ramona insisted it wasn’t and said it was just nerves, but Ramsay replied that she needed to shake those nerves right now, or he would send her out the front door, immunity pass or not. Ramona said in her confessional that it was do or die, and she did manage to finally serve acceptable garnishes. Faye was still dragging on Wellingtons, which frustrated Ramsay, but finally, the red team managed to complete their remaining entrees.
Both teams finished their desserts in good time, and Ramsay told them to clear down.
Post-Mortem
Ramsay had the teams line up and started by saying that this was still not the complete performance he had been looking for. For the blue team, appetizers had been underwhelming, but they improved on entrees. For the red team, it was a decent start on apps, followed by a nightmare on entrees. However, he noted that one team in particular had a slight edge, and that was the blue team, as despite their issues, their customer comment cards gave them a satisfaction rating of 90%, to 84% from the red team. Ramsay said that the fiasco on entrees cost the red team this service, and told them to think long and hard about which two should be going up for elimination tonight. With that, he dismissed both teams to the dorms.
Back in the dorms, the red team’s deliberations were kicked off by Thomas, as he said he hoped everyone could agree that Ramona had dropped the ball tonight on garnish. The others seemed to agree, with Michael saying it was her worst performance in a while. Ramona only half-heartedly fought back, as she said she was better than this, and knew she still deserved to be here, but said if they wanted to put her up, it was their choice. In her confessional, she said she knew that immunity pass wouldn’t last forever, and it was better to get her bad service out of the way now, than during black jackets. With the first nominee having been an easy choice, the second would be more challenging, as Everett acknowledged that Michael and Thomas both had great services despite each having a mistake, and didn’t deserve to go up, which left either him or Faye. Thomas said that he felt Faye had struggled on meat, and that Ramsay rightfully had high expectations of both of them, due to his experience and her being a past chef, so he would vote for her. Michael, though, said that he had to vote for Everett, as he was just too inconsistent at this stage. Faye seemed torn but said she had to vote for Everett, even though they were friends, as he had struggled the most of the available options. Ramona was left with the deciding vote, and said in her confessional that it was impossibly difficult, as Faye had been a mentor for her here, while she had also bonded with Everett.
On the blue team’s side of the dorm, everyone was pleased to have won service and avoided having to send anyone home…well, almost everyone. Lauren admitted to Melody that it sucked having to put up with Grace for another day, while Melody tried to get her to think more positively, as if they were winning with Grace on their team, Ramsay definitely had to be taking notice. Lauren smiled and said she was definitely right about that, and the two of them continued chatting together while Carole sat off by herself and pondered her future in Hell’s Kitchen, In her confessional, she said she was damn lucky that the blue team won tonight, as she and Grace would have gone up otherwise, and that could have been it for her and her dream. Meanwhile, Grace felt that she had done well, and could have done even better without Carole getting in the way, saying in her confessional that it would be nice to get rid of dead weight, but she would settle for seeing someone from the red team go home.
Elimination Ceremony
The red team entered the dining room anxiously and lined up before Ramsay, who said that this was supposed to be the best five on the red team, but instead, it looked like two completely different teams, and while he didn’t know what the hell was going on, he was going to get to the bottom of it. With that, he asked Thomas for the red team’s first nominee and why. Thomas announced that the red team had nominated Ramona, due to her terrible performance on garnish, and being the weakest chef on the team. Ramsay asked for the second nominee and why. Thomas hesitated briefly before announcing that…the red team was nominating Everett, due to his declining performances and up and down service on appetizers. Before getting to any elimination pleas, though, Ramsay told Ramona to step forward and had her hand over the immunity pass. As she did so, Ramsay said that if not for the pass, Ramona would have gone home tonight, and urged her to take advantage of this second chance, before sending her back in line. Ramona appeared visibly shaken as she went to rejoin the red team. Ramsay said that the red team now had 30 seconds to talk amongst themselves and come up with another nominee. In the huddle, the chefs quickly determined that Faye would go up, as she had been their other consideration. As they broke the huddle, Thomas announced that Faye was the red team’s new nominee. Ramsay accepted this and told Everett and Faye to step forward.
Deliberation music
First, Ramsay asked Faye why she should stay in Hell’s Kitchen.
Faye: “My time away from Hell’s Kitchen gave me a whole new perspective on cooking, it made me realize why I’m doing this. It’s for my family, it’s for me, I can’t imagine doing anything else. That’s why I’ll never give up on myself or my team.”
Ramsay asked Faye if she thought she was a better chef than Everett.
Faye: “...Everett is a fighter, chef, and a good teammate, but yes, I do believe I’m stronger than him in terms of consistency and leadership.”
Ramsay moved on to Everett, asking him why he should stay in Hell’s Kitchen.
Everett: “This competition is a marathon, chef. I’ve had my ups and downs, I’ve had my stumbles, but I feel like I’m just on the cusp of hittin’ my stride.”
Ramsay said he had been waiting and waiting for Everett to emerge, and it seemed like he was trending downwards.
Everett: “I’ve had a slump, chef, I ain’t gonna deny that. But I’m fightin’ through it. I know I can be your next head chef.”
Ramsay asked Everett if he thought he was a stronger chef than Faye.
Everett: “Chef…”
Dramatic music
Ramsay waited on Everett’s answer, and after a tense moment, he finally spoke…
Everett: “Chef…at this time, no, I can’t say that I am.”
Faye glanced over at Everett in shock, as did everyone else from the red team, and even some of the blue team.
Ramsay: “I appreciate the honesty. Please, give me your jacket, your time is done in Hell’s Kitchen.”
Elimination music
Everett handed over his jacket and shook Ramsay’s hand.
Everett: “Thank you so much for this opportunity, chef.”
Ramsay: “Let me tell you something, young man, you have so much passion and fightback within you, I’ve seen it throughout this competition. Unfortunately, I didn’t see enough of it in service, or just now, but I hope you can find it again, because you are bloody talented. I wish you all the best.”
Everett thanked Ramsay again and waved goodbye to his team as he exited Hell’s Kitchen.
Everett’s comment
“Oh man…when I first entered Hell’s Kitchen, I never thought I’d be walkin’ out the door like this. I thought I was headed straight for the top, no problem. Each day was like this crazy mixture of anxiety, thrills, and drama. I fought, and I fought, and I fought for my place, until, I guess I just couldn’t fight no more. I’ll always have good memories of my time here, but I sure as hell wouldn’t do it again! (laughs)

With Everett’s elimination, Ramsay told Faye to get back in line, and addressed the chefs collectively as the final 8, saying that tonight should be a reminder to each of these chefs that a downward spiral at this point was unacceptable, as things were not going to get any easier. With that, Ramsay told them all to get some rest, because tomorrow, he was going to start separating the chefs from the cooks.
As the chefs went back to the dorms, several of them had confessionals. Thomas said that Ramona was definitely a bigger liability than Everett, but hopefully losing her immunity would wake her up. Michael said that it sucked that Everett left when he was far from the worst tonight. Ramona was clearly still shaken from the experience, as she said she felt awful about Everett going home when she had a worse performance, and knew she had to bounce back tomorrow or it would all be over for her. Melody said that between Travis and Everett, watching their fellow chefs go home was just getting more and more difficult, but she knew there were still seven more between her and the grand prize. Grace said none of these chefs were on her level, and she was going to keep being herself and kicking ass in the kitchen, regardless of her team’s hate for her. Lauren said that with only four on each team, there was nowhere left to hide, and everything they had done up until now was just the warm up for the real tests that lay ahead.
​Placement
https://preview.redd.it/rpdx9533yw0d1.png?width=2447&format=png&auto=webp&s=52806b2d14807ba57be90bfa8261368e2dbea4cb

Hi all. I have a patient with significant cancer-related pain (metastatic cancer in various parts of her body). She was taking methadone 10 mg TID for a couple months, but was having some uncomfortable adverse effects from it -- weird dreams, disordered thinking, mood changes, and wanted to switch to something else. So we started her on fentanyl patches and were kind of surprised to discover, after a couple weeks of titrating her dose, that she requires 200 mcg/hr patches (2 x 100 mcg/hr) to keep her even somewhat comfortable.
She's not having any adverse effects. She's not sleepy or confused or groggy, she has no respiratory depression, she even still has breakthrough pain that keeps her awake at night, which she treats with 30 mg oxycodone PRN.
Her palliative care doctor seems quite capable, and we're both kind of surprised that 200 mcg/hour is still only sort of barely working for her.
Has anyone ever had a patient for whom fentanyl patches don't work very well, and required what seems to be a really high dose even though they didn't have a history of opioid use/abuse? Does 200 mcg/hr seem like a really high dose? I'm having a hard time figuring out why these fentanyl patches aren't working very well. Any ideas about why they don't seem to be working?
(No, they're not being diverted or abused. The patient is also a family member and I'm their caretaker, so I apply the patches myself.)
Any insights would be appreciated! Thank you!

I love her, she was one of the first people that I ever really truly enjoyed speaking and spending time with. The intelligence that she possessed and bubbly personality brought out the same bubbly feelings within me, even in seventh grade. I soon filled my time writing messages to her in Facebook messenger, asking about everything I was curious about whilst sitting at my brother’s baseball games, my cellphone burning my hands from overheating, but I just couldn’t put it down. We would talk about everything.
Now twenty-three, we don’t. I feel as though I have lost the light and bubbly feelings. I think I resent her.
I grew up a scared kid, afraid to state my honest feelings, doing whatever was needed to shape the results of my words and beliefs rather than feel them and let them serve to be an honest representation of myself. I just did whatever led to the least amount of conflict, leading me to be uncertain of my true wants and desires. With her however, I felt love, and I wanted her to be my love forever. From visiting her every weekend in school to changing colleges, I just did not want to let go of the love I had for her.
As years followed differences began to appear. Myself, wanting love to be communicated in a thought-out verbal nature with much care and emphasis in each word choice being my desired method of display of affection, she began to withdraw from this style of communication. Despite the beginning of our relationship being long talks on the phone or paragraphs of written texts back and forth, she said she was not capable of displaying affection in this way and there was no way to change it. Fork in the road, faced with an ultimatum, no ability to compromise, do I stay, or do I go? I stay. By simply learning to appreciate other methods of displaying affection, what does it matter if there is still love in the air. Remember, conflict isn’t an option; I mean I fought for what I wanted and for compromise, but whenever it got bad, I would refer to the tried-and-true mechanism of simply doing what rids of conflict.
Then the physical and intimate differences arose. I always liked back scratches, no matter how bad things got in my early years, a good back scratch would make me feel safe and escape the world in pure bliss for a little bit. I wanted this in my life still as an adult, but it wasn’t something she wanted to do. How do I continue to ask for something that she admitted to not enjoying doing? Even whenever I was selfish enough to ask for it and she would do it, you can tell when someone doesn’t want to be scratching your back when they start for a minute and just stop you know. So, I just stopped asking. Then copy and paste massages and head rubs for back scratches.
Intimately, she had asked me relatively early into our now six-year relationship if I had ever been interested in oral. I was, but I never had the guts to ask, so I said yeah. It came out that she had done it a few times on her earlier ex, and I admitted to her that I had never been the recipient of it. We had gotten close one time, but she had said she wasn’t interested in it that day. After asking a few more times, she opened up to me that she didn’t ever want to try again. It bothered me, I pushed for her to reconsider. I handled it poorly as my mind was so caught up in the jealousy and frustration revolving around her ex experiencing something that I never would if she was to be the one I wanted to be with forever, “Had I only been there earlier” I would think.
Eventually she confronted me and told me, “You can go get it from other people if you want, it doesn’t seem like you are ever going to get over it.”. This hurt me, I only ever wanted to be with her, and she was willing to be understanding to let me go get it from someone else. What had I done? I had pushed too hard.
“I will never ask for it again.” I concluded.
In the bedroom whenever it came to, well, positions, the first time we had ever done it, we did two she enjoyed. She was my first, and I eventually began to ask if we could try other positions, she tried, and it didn’t work for her. Nothing else seemed to work. I was okay with our tried and true two, but I wanted to mix it up every once in a while, and despite asking if we could try anything else again, it would simply kill the mood. I was frustrated again. I did not know what to do, and after discussing, I simply began to stop asking, again.
I began therapy when I was in college. From past traumas to my terrible coping strategies, it was all thrown out on the table. I focused on these core elements more so than my relationship struggles, however there were discussions about it. It had begun to help me. That is when it seemed more problems had arisen.
I had begun to heal.
My relentless internal monologue reinforcing my belief that “you shouldn’t want these things, you don’t deserve these things” and “if you push for your wants, there will be conflict and you will lose her, you will never find anyone else”, had begun to unravel. These self-destructive statements that served as stones weighing down the wants and desires, I had put into the bottom of my mind had begun to erode. The thoughts popping into mind whenever I spent time with her, I blew up.
On a long car ride, after being asked why I had withdrawn, I confronted her about the most recent buried request. Head rubs. Why was I always so clearly falling short of what she had wanted me to be, but never getting any of the things that I wanted? “It is just a head rub! Why do I not deserve a head rub?!”, I couldn’t take it anymore and I had blown. What ensued was a long conversation full of tears that simply laid out the fact that I was not happy, but she wanted me to be, but didn’t know how to do the things I had wanted.
We didn’t go much into specifics until we had gotten back home from our trip, but as I prodded into what was going to change, she informed me that all intimate things were off the table. She would, however, try harder to provide physical and verbal displays of affection more frequently. I was hopeful, while selfishly bummed at this time about intimate matters. But things were going to change, and I was excited.
Fast forward half a year, with unfavorable work schedules, a home renovation, and general exhaustion set in, things began to stress. Between the consistent reminders of not doing enough around the house, feeling like we are further away than ever yet always feeling guilty of not proposing yet, I confronted her again. Why was I always feeling like I was not doing enough or feeling like she was proud of me whenever there had been zero changes from our last argument several months ago. I was tired this time, yet more accepting. Once an argument ensued and escalated, I gave up.
“I feel like we shouldn’t be together. You are not in the wrong for not wanting to do things. No matter if we are referring to the physical or verbal acts of affection, or the intimate desires I have expressed, you should always hold true to your heart and your wants. But I give myself the same freedom of heart. Maybe there is someone out there that is a perfect match for your wants and communication, and maybe, there is someone out there that wants me the same way I want to be wanted and meets my needs.”
She cracked, she said she would do whatever it took to change, she would try things again, she would try harder this time and be different. I had heard this before, and I continued to express uncertainty. She mentioned couple’s therapy. I owed her this much; I was in part responsible for things going on for so long the way they had and never dying on the hills of those unwavering wants. “Yes, let’s try it.” I spoke. I know couples therapy takes time, so I will be patient and give it a shot.
What followed was one of the best days of my life, we spent time together intimately, had a wonderful evening out. It was a phenomenal day and breathed hope directly into my lungs. But then a drought ensued. I felt as though that one day had simply bought time, I made a conscious effort to express my love and desire as I knew these arguments could have created distance between us that would need to be held together despite that one good day, but why did everything revert? What happened?
It was just the work week and the hard schedule; I kept telling myself. It has only been a couple days. A week. A week and a half. I was starting to not really feel wanted again, I was feeling concerned. Several thoughts had begun to swarm inside of my head as well, frustration began to build.
Why did things suddenly seem to get better whenever I was ready to leave? Was that what it was going to take to resolve those issues from the years previous, would it have taken me to threaten to leave for each of these wants to be fulfilled? Why didn’t she love me in the way I loved her? All it would ever take for me to do something she wanted was to ask.
Why is it so hard for us to be together? There were so many fights that I had to just give up asking for what I wanted to avoid further conflict. I just want someone to want me in the way I want to be wanted. But I worry she will never genuinely want the things I want. I do not want her to feel forced to satisfy my wants. When do you know to call it off?
I have always enjoyed things that were impromptu, never asked for, but offered. It seemed like the most genuine display of love. It served to represent an honest desire to bring pleasure to the one you love. How can I feel loved and wanted whenever I have had to fight countless times and threaten to leave for my wants to be addressed or worth addressing, when in its truest form it comes without question?
We are just now starting couples therapy and I know it is quite the long haul from my personal experience, but I just want some outside advice in the meantime.
What should I do? What do I need to learn? Where do I start?

He's been depressed for a long time and only recently started seeing a psychiatrist. He's been on meds for almost two months I think. We're working on getting him into a therapist but everyone has wait lists.
Lately his moods are so up and down. Yesterday was wonderful, but something switched today and he's been crying. He hasn't eaten. He has so much self-hatred. He's convinced I'm settling for him and just doesn't believe me when I say he's the love of my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. He says he compares himself to my exes a lot and it makes him hate himself even more. I reassure him as best as I can that I've never loved anyone like I love him. But he says he has trouble getting images of me and my exes out of his head. He really, really hates himself.
He doesn't know whether he wants me to comfort him or give him space. I haven't been able to tell which is helpful or hurtful. Advice on the internet seems mixed on whether men want space or want silent comfort and physical attention. My husband doesn't seem to know what he wants either. He says nothing helps. I feel so helpless when he cries. I hate it so much and I have no idea what to do.
tl;dr How do I best support my husband when he's crying when he doesn't know whether he wants attention or to be left alone?

Greetings,Are you prepared to join a unique culinary adventure where slaying and savoring go hand in hand? If so, I invite you to embark on an extraordinary journey set in the rich and imaginative world of Dungeon Meshi/ Delicious in Dungeon/ Calabozos y Tragones.
About Me: I am an avid roleplayer with a deep love for fantasy settings and an insatiable curiosity for unconventional narratives.
What I'm Looking For: I am seeking a male roleplay partner who can bring depth, creativity, and enthusiasm to our sessions. Ideally, you should have:

1. Familiarity with Dungeon Meshi: A good understanding of the universe, its characters, and the overall tone. Knowledge of the manga's unique blend of humor and adventure is crucial.
   
2. BE OPEN MINDED, please.
   
3. If you don't have a character we can make one together, it's so much fun.
   
4. You can go from one line to literate 5 paragraphs, there's freedom foe the mood and what you do think is necesary for every reply.
   

The Adventure: Our roleplay will focus on the journey through the dungeon, facing various monsters, uncovering secrets, and exploring the intricate dynamics of our characters. We will craft meals from the creatures we encounter, adding a unique culinary twist to our adventure. Expect a mix of intense battles, humorous moments, and heartwarming camaraderie as we navigate the perilous depths together.
Dungeon Meshi, where every meal is an adventure!

I ask because that applies to the book I am currently writing, which is both a slasher and a coming of age romantic drama. I want to ensure it is able to mix two genres effectively without creating mood whiplash. What are your suggestions?

I am referencing this video, which I highly, highly, highly relate to as I have a dx for ADHD mixed with a few other disorders; https://youtu.be/qbPpZCjeur8?t=7629 .
First, I've lifted the heavy weights. I've done very hard things and I can do very hard things. I've been through ups and downs, mental health episodes, I have a team of mental health professionals that help me, and have tried multiple medications and treatment plans to try to figure out something to make me interested in this gym and destroy my anhedonia.
In general, I think the weight lifting metaphor is great for most people. And I don't want to sound like I'm saying "look at me the special one who just can't get it!", but;
I just don't want to lift the weights, man. Why am I in this gym? Why do I have to lift weights at all? Why do weights even exist? Why am I not eating them instead? Why aren't the weights actually sticks and we're all in a treehouse? Why does it have to be heavy and difficult at all? I don't care for this gym, and I don't know how I got in here. I want to go home and go to bed. These aren't new thoughts, I struggle with existentialism and have spent many an hour talking with people on my healthcare team about these things and just, nothing has done it.
On the other hand, I'm too scared to exit the gym on my own. I don't want to go that way, but I don't see any options for the long term, I can't get myself to accept these things. They feel almost unacceptable.
I didn't sign up for this gym, but I don't want to leave. I know I'm smart (4Head) and logically absurdism tells me there really is no reason to stay in the gym. What do I do?
Would be great to hear any thoughts.