Actually he is my uncle but he has been the father figure since I was around 10. I'm 23 now.
So I did something (cooked some onion) and he commented about how "that's not how it's done". I thought it was (mistakenly so) so I said "it is done like this". He repeats himself and so do I two or three times, after which he was getting visibly angry. Just his face, he was actually containing it, which was apparent.
But this was enough to trigger me (if you wish to know why this was triggering I have a post about it, trigger warning for physical violence and humiliation). He started to leave after doing some explaining and when he was walking away I said smt like "you're already getting crazy!" (Which in our language sounds kinda worse but idk how to translate) Meaning the visible anger on his face that triggered me was overreacting to me just contradicting him. Supposedly, me just bluntly replying "yes it's done like this" is provocative.
Anyways after hearing that he comes back and gets in my face. He wasn't going to hit me, that's "in the past", but he feinted and I turned my head, expecting a hit. Somehow we ended up talking for like two hours, there were many points we both wanted to get across to the other and I doubt there was much mutual understanding , but what's relevant to this post is that he made it known that things would be "worse" if I ever spoke to him like that. That he would beat me if I called him an idiot.
He showed me how he has been containing himself all this time, and that even know after saying you're going crazy he didn't hit me. That's true.
He said he really hates being offended. He told me that one time when he asked a worker that was doing stuff in our house for something, the dude just turned his back to him and my dad screamed so loudly the dude was startled. Like did a little jump.
I'm like: you think that's good for your health? You've been containing your temper lately, you think it's good? Repressing it even further will only make it worse in the long run and you will stop being so effective at restraining yourself when you want to. He seems to think he knows a thing or two about psychology so he replied with condescension at my suggestion that he needs to fix the anger issues instead of just controlling himself when they arise. Whatever.
It sucks. What's even worse is that most lf the time he is normal. Like 999/1000 times. Our baseline is good terms right now. But my subconscious still remembers, I haven't unpacked all those things yet. I don't like knowing that my father would beat me up for offending him. I don't like not saying something to him (even if it is calling him stupid) only because of fear of physical responses.
I told him many things, like how it sucks fearing my own father and he said "don't provoque me then".I painted a hypothetical situation in which I called him an idiot to ask him what would happen if he didn't react in an aggressive/violent manner, he replied and finished with "but better never call me that". I was like "wouldn't you stop to think why would your son call you that? Why would anybody call their dad that way if everything was good? Or why I said you were getting crazy?" And whatever the fuck his reply was to that it probably boiled down to "you have no business saying those things". Sure, calling someone an idiot isn't good. Focus on that. .
My repressed emotions to his attitude all this years were there in the conversation. I kept stopping because the knot in my throat wouldn't let me talk, tears on my eyes. This didn't seem to communicate anything to him.
I wonder what I'll do when I get stronger than him. I'd be so tempted to start something just to show him he can't overpower me anymore. I wouldn't even hit him, just restrain him and faking a hit just so he sees what it feels like. Even then, I don't think it compares to an adult doing that to a kid or teenager. He has heart issues though, and as much as I wish for payback, I feel like his rage would be so much worse after being restrained that his heart could worsen (also I understand revenge makes no real sense, forgive them Father for they not what they do, if he could understand he would).
Anyway. We hadn't had an altercation like this in a while, and it's the first time I actually said something like that to him. He won't hit me if I don't insult him. But his intimidating nature is still present at times, for example when I don't listen to him and stubbornly oppose him (it happens sometimes but I only with him, surprised?) And knowing he can get like violent or just verbally aggressive doesn't make the "good times" worth it. He is a "good charismatic person" basically all the time except when these things happen. But I'm at odds with the fact that if I ever fail to contain my subconscious resentment to him and call him something (motherfucker, idiot, stupid high-iq but low-eq controlling dumbfuck) I'll get beat up. I understand that healing is on me to stop walking on eggshells when he is around, but I'm starting to dislike him on a more conscious level now. Which is confusing too because everytime I've brought this up to my mother, she seemed to understand part of how I was feeling, but ultimately it boiled down to "he's family and will catch a bullet for you, will always drop anything he is doing when we need help". WHICH IS TRUE BUT I DON'T CARE
AITAH for wanting to keep interactions with him at the bare minimum?
EDIT: at some point he brought up the "how much love we gave you" situation. Now here is what disturbs me. It's true, I've been given tons of love, patience, opoortunities, the works, not only from the rest of the family but from him as well. So I imagine myself as a parent that loves their kid so much, and then I imagine myself intimidating him because he called me crazy, or hitting him because he didn't listen and did something different from what we had agreed on, behind my back, for the millionth time. It feels wrong, it feels ignorant. I'd be wondering why the fuck does my son agree to do a certain thing and when it comes time to it, he does a different one. I'd start thinking about why he keeps lying about school grades, failing to pass the year even when he sees how bad it stresses his mother out... Instead of hitting him in the face with a closed fist (but hey, it wasn't full force!!) because he keeps lying and driving his mom crazy.
But hey, that's me. I'm "not the one to teach him about psychology"
TLDR: father is very intimidating sometimes and capable of violence if I offend (as in insult) him. We talked for 2 hours I expressed him my

Actually he is my uncle but he has been the father figure since I was around 10. I'm 23 now.
So I did something (cooked some onion) and he commented about how "that's not how it's done". I thought it was (mistakenly so) so I said "it is done like this". He repeats himself and so do I two or three times, after which he was getting visibly angry. Just his face, he was actually containing it, which was apparent.
But this was enough to trigger me (if you wish to know why this was triggering I have a post about it, trigger warning for physical violence and humiliation). He started to leave after doing some explaining and when he was walking away I said smt like "you're already getting crazy!" (Which in our language sounds kinda worse but idk how to translate) Meaning the visible anger on his face that triggered me was overreacting to me just contradicting him. Supposedly, me just bluntly replying "yes it's done like this" is provocative.
Anyways after hearing that he comes back and gets in my face. He wasn't going to hit me, that's "in the past", but he feinted and I turned my head, expecting a hit. Somehow we ended up talking for like two hours, there were many points we both wanted to get across to the other and I doubt there was much mutual understanding , but what's relevant to this post is that he made it known that things would be "worse" if I ever spoke to him like that. That he would beat me if I called him an idiot.
He showed me how he has been containing himself all this time, and that even know after saying you're going crazy he didn't hit me. That's true.
He said he really hates being offended. He told me that one time when he asked a worker that was doing stuff in our house for something, the dude just turned his back to him and my dad screamed so loudly the dude was startled. Like did a little jump.
I'm like: you think that's good for your health? You've been containing your temper lately, you think it's good? Repressing it even further will only make it worse in the long run and you will stop being so effective at restraining yourself when you want to. He seems to think he knows a thing or two about psychology so he replied with condescension at my suggestion that he needs to fix the anger issues instead of just controlling himself when they arise. Whatever.
It sucks. What's even worse is that most lf the time he is normal. Like 999/1000 times. Our baseline is good terms right now. But my subconscious still remembers, I haven't unpacked all those things yet. I don't like knowing that my father would beat me up for offending him. I don't like not saying something to him (even if it is calling him stupid) only because of fear of physical responses.
I told him many things, like how it sucks fearing my own father and he said "don't provoque me then".I painted a hypothetical situation in which I called him an idiot to ask him what would happen if he didn't react in an aggressive/violent manner, he replied and finished with "but better never call me that". I was like "wouldn't you stop to think why would your son call you that? Or why I said you were getting crazy?" And whatever the fuck his reply was to that it probably boiled down to "you have no business saying those things". Sure, calling someone an idiot isn't good. Focus on that.
I wonder what I'll do when I get stronger than him. I'd be so tempted to start something just to show him he can't overpower me anymore. I wouldn't even hit him, just restrain him and faking a hit just so he sees what it feels like. Even then, I don't think it compares to an adult doing that to a kid or teenager. He has heart issues though, and as much as I wish for payback, I feel like his rage would be so much worse after being restrained that his heart could worsen (also I understand revenge makes no real sense, forgive them Father for they not what they do, if he could understand he would).
Anyway. We hadn't had an altercation like this in a while, and it's the first time I actually said something like that to him. He won't hit me if I don't insult him. But his intimidating nature is still present at times, for example when I don't listen to him and stubbornly oppose him (it happens sometimes but I only with him, surprised?) And knowing he can get like violent or just verbally aggressive doesn't make the "good times" worth it. He is a "good charismatic person" basically all the time except when these things happen. But I'm at odds with the fact that if I ever fail to contain my subconscious resentment to him and call him something (motherfucker, idiot, stupid high-iq but low-eq controlling dumbfuck) I'll get beat up. I understand that healing is on me to stop walking on eggshells when he is around, but I'm starting to dislike him on a more conscious level now. Which is confusing too because everytime I've brought this up to my mother, she seemed to understand part of how I was feeling, but ultimately it boiled down to "he's family and will catch a bullet for you, will always drop anything he is doing when we need help". WHICH IS TRUE BUT I DON'T CARE
AITAH for wanting to keep interactions with him at the bare minimum?
EDIT: at some point he brought up the "how much love we gave you" situation. Now here is what disturbs me. It's true, I've been given tons of love, patience, opoortunities, the works, not only from the rest of the family but from him as well. So I imagine myself as a parent that loves their kid so much, and then I imagine myself intimidating him because he called me crazy, or hitting him because he didn't listen and did something different from what we had agreed on, behind my back, for the millionth time. It feels wrong, it feels ignorant. I'd be wondering why the fuck does my son agree to do a certain thing and when it comes time to it, he does a different one. I'd start thinking about why he keeps lying about school grades, failing to pass the year even when he sees how bad it stresses his mother out... Instead of hitting him in the face with a closed fist (but hey, it wasn't full force!!) because he keeps lying and driving his mom crazy.
But hey, that's me. I'm "not the one to teach him about psychology"

Hey all!
Okay, so I discovered ASMR about three/four months ago and... wow! So much content and it has been quite a nice thing for me to get into when life gets a bit tricky. After reading/listening to a lot of people's work, I decided to write a script. I do not intend to record this myself - nobody needs to hear my voice lol!!
I'm not expecting anyone to read, or comment - I wrote this for fun and curious to see what people think! However, if you do, thankyou!! Please feel free to leave a comment, and constructive feedback. Still learning the ropes, so to speak.
I'm definitely not expecting any voice artists to want to pick this up, but again, if you do, thankyou so much!! Feel free to post on Youtube, Patreon etc and I'm fine with monetization. Just please provide full credit to me and a link to the script :)
Also, I know I include a lot of directions on background noise, but I leave that entirely up to the artist! It's mainly to break up big blocks of exposition, but from the stuff I've listened to, I do prefer background noises. I just find it much more immersive.
As put in the title, I've deliberately kept both Yandere and listener gender neutral. Both Yandere and listener can be any gender! I wrote this for everyone! My personal preference would be Yandere girl, listener boy, but again, I'm not fussed if that's not your thing!
Finally, and I hope she doesn't mind me doing this, but I wanted to do a little plug to HuskyWolfGirl's YT channel. She was one of the first ASMR channels I found and really helped influence me in seeking out other content, both on Reddit and YouTube, and wanting to write my own stuff. Her work is really good and she deserves a much bigger following. Link here https://www.youtube.com/@huskywolfgirlasmr
So, the premise is you've been dating someone for a couple of weeks and you're starting to really like them. You've even been thinking that things could get pretty serious. That said, they are a bit odd, only ever meeting up with you at night, not eating a huge amount, and always being cold. One night, you finally get intimate with each other and something happens. They change into a strange creature right in front of you, with wings, big fangs and red eyes. The last thing you see is them coming at you, and everything goes dark...
Muffled noises. Fire crackling in a grate. Maybe some distant wind through the window.
A chair creaking. The sound of straining rope, which starts soft and then increases in volume. Someone has been restrained and is trying to free themselves.
Footsteps, loud and clunky as someone approaches.

Yandere
Thank God! You’re awake. Finally! You’ve been asleep ages.

More staining rope noises, increasing in intensity.

Yandere
(sounding worried)
Please don’t struggle. You’re only going to hurt yourself. I’ve been around a while. I know my way around a knot. Please. I said STOP.

The word ‘stop’ is echoey. It has power in it. The noises stop.

Yandere
Okay. Thankyou.

Noise of a chair being pulled across the room.

Yandere
Look, I’m sorry, okay. This was not the plan. I just want you to know that. I’m not going to hurt you, or do anything bad. I mean yeah, okay, tying you up isn’t great, I admit. But I just want to sit and talk with you for a little bit. If that’s okay.

Sound of Yandere sitting down. A slight rope strain.


Yandere
Ah, you don’t think it’s okay. I get that. Honest, I’m sorry for having to restrain you like this. I tried not to make it too tight. Are you in pain? You are? Damn. I’ll try to keep this quick. I really am not going to hurt you. I promise.
(sighs)
I only had to tie you up because I need you to listen to me. And after what happened last night, I figured you’d only run if you saw me again. I wouldn’t blame you. But if you did try to get away before we’ve spoken, and I had to stop you, I could hurt you. Not intentionally or anything, but… ah, now you look even more confused.
(sighs again)
You want to say something to me. I’ll take the gag out in a minute, I promise. I know you probably hate me right now. This is all just typical me. Diving in head first, not thinking things through! And now we’re…I… I’m in trouble.
Don’t look at me like that!

The rope straining sounds start again. The listener really wants to get free.

Yandere
Trust me when I say you’re not going anywhere. I’m hundreds of years old and you’re not the first person I’ve had to tie up in my time. Oh Jesus, that sounds so wrong.

At that, the straining stops. The listener is probably trying to get their head around what was just said.

Yandere
Ahh yeah, urm, so that was a slip. I guess I just better get to it. Fact is, I know we’ve only been on a few dates, but things have been so good so far. You’re just so cool to hang out with. I really loved spending time with you, and I think you felt the same.
(beat, Yandere is studying the listener for an answer, but they are keeping still for now)
Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you before. You make me feel something I haven’t felt in years. Decades. I’ve been alone a while, you know? I was kind of happy to be, until I saw you. I remember seeing you with your friends in the restaurant. Remember, the one I work at? You looked so happy, so full of life. You remember the first night we met? How you spilt a drink on me? Well, that wasn’t actually your fault. I just wanted an excuse to talk to you, so I tripped up near you. I’m pretty clumsy at the best of times, but I didn’t exactly put on an Oscar winning performance.
(yandere chuckles)
I kinda got the impression you figured that out to be honest. But you didn’t seem to care. I don’t think anyone has ever looked at me the way you did. I felt like the most special person in the room. In the whole universe. Are you cold? I’ll put more wood on the fire.

Sound of wood being added to the fire, and flames. Yandere sits down, hissing.

Yandere
Shit, burned my hand! Typical. Is that better though? Don’t worry. I heal quickly, trust me. See? Ah damn, you look so pale. Please believe me. I won’t do anything to you. You’re everything to me. I know it’s fast. I know it’s odd! But you’re wonderful, and amazing, and beautiful and… I’m in love with you.
Remember what you kept saying to me? That you wanted to wait before we spent a night together until it was the right time? That we should get to know each other properly first? Well last night was just… wow. Being with you made it feel like my heart was beating again. It’s probably why… well, what happened last night happened.
What you saw was my true form. It happens sometimes when we lose control of our emotions. I’m usually so good at keeping myself in check. Lots of practice, you know? But I couldn’t help it. And once things got, urm, good last night…
(beat)
I’m such an idiot. I shouldn’t have let it happen. But I was just enjoying it so much.
Oh my, you’re crying. Please stop.
(echoey)
Stop!
Thankyou. Oh, now you look confused. When I want to, I can compel people to do things. Well, kind of. It doesn’t always work. Never really something I mastered, you know? I don’t like doing it anyway. I just don’t want you to be scared. I need you calm. I can hear your heart beating and it’s… distracting.
(beat)
I can see you really want that gag out. I suppose I can do. Just don’t scream. Nobody is going to hear you.

Sounds of material as the gag is removed.

Yandere
There we go. Oh, no, honey, please don’t… I said there’s no point screaming. Oh, go on then. May as well get it out your system, I guess.

Sounds of strained rope, a creaking chair and footsteps as the listener struggles and Yandere walks to the other end of the room. We hear water being poured into a glass and more footsteps as Yandere comes back.

Yandere
Would you like some water? I can hold it up to… there you go. Not too fast! You’ve spilt it all down yourself now! I know it’s kind of cold in here for you. I can’t really feel it, you know? The cold, I mean. Well, my body is always cold. Kind of comes with the territory of… What? Let you go? I promise, I will do, okay? But there’s just a few things I need to discuss with you first.
(beat)
I won’t hurt you! I would never… why don’t you believe… okay, yeah, I know it looks bad I tied you up like this.
(beat)
Okay, no need to be rude. I know you’re upset and…
(echoey)
That’s enough!
(beat)
Now, I took your gag out because you asked me to, but you will listen to me. Neither of us have a choice in that now. I was gonna wait to tell you this, you know? I mean, I don’t even know when I was gonna tell you. I hadn’t made my mind up. It’s kind of a hard thing to bring up, believe me. Like when do you do it? Third date? Just before I meet your parents? Wedding night? Honeymoon? Kinda hard to jump on a plane to the sunny Amalfi Coast if you run the risk of bursting into flame. But…
Ah, I’m rambling. Okay, I’m just gonna say it. Thing is, well the truth is, I… I’m a Vampire.
(beat)
Okay, so now you think I’m crazy, wonderful. What? That ship had already… okay, you’re being rude again.

Sound of strained ropes again.

Yandere
If you keep struggling like that you’re going to start bleeding. Not a very good idea, you think, given what I’ve just told you? Oh, there’s no such thing huh? Well then. Ask yourself if you can explain what you saw last night. My wings, my hair… my fangs. Like my entire body changed in front of you. I know you saw it.
(beat)
Wait… no, you weren’t drunk.
(beat)
And I certainly did not put anything in your drink! I mean, I did have to knock you out but that was just a small bump on the head! I didn’t plan this, you know! This isn’t some Baby Reindeer rip-off.
(beat)
What? You hated that show? Me too, to be honest. Kind of creeped me out. I mean, how pathetic is that? I’m a 700 year old Vampire who kidnaps and ties up the person I’m in love with, and a crazy Scottish gal is too much for me. I mean, what the actual hell. You probably think I’m the worst Vampire ever.
(beat)
I’m not lying to you. I promise. I wouldn’t lie to you about something like this. Here, feel my skin! It’s room temp, it’s always room temp! You always used to comment on how cold I was. Didn’t you ever wonder why we only ever met up at night? Why I never really ate that much when we went out to dinner? What, you think I live for Caesar Salad without dressing? Why do you think my face is always white?
(beat)
Yeah, I knew you thought it was weird. But I knew you never wanted to say anything. I think I loved you for that even more. Despite everything, you still wanted to know me. Do you know how rare it is to find someone you really click with? Someone who sparkles for you like the brightest star, and the way they look at you means they might, just might, feel the same way? I mean, I thought you did.
(hopeful)
Do you?
(beat)
If you say yes, will I let you go? I don’t want you to say yes because you’re scared of me!
(beat)
If I loved you, I’d untie your hands? Are they hurting? I… look, okay, I’ll untie you if it’ll make you feel better. But please don’t try anything. Please don’t. Thing is, the main thing I need to tell you is that you’re in danger. We both are, now you know what I am. Stay still.

Sound of rope being untangled.

Yandere
Okay, there you go. Oh, your wrists look sore. I told you not to struggle too much! I can give you something for that. Okay, sorry, I know you’re still a bit nervous. I won’t try to touch you again unless I have to, so please stay in the chair. The ropes can go back on if they need to.
(beat)
Why are we in danger? Well, it’s a bit complicated. Trying to condense two thousand years of Vampire lore into one conversation is a little hard, you know? I mean, there’s so much crap out there about Vampires. Half the stuff paints us as some sort of wild animal, whilst the other half… I swear I wanted to bite Stephanie Myer. But through all the literal shit they do get some things right. We exist. We live in secret in the human world. We used to be human, until another of our kind turned us, and we became what we are. We drink blood to survive.
(beat)
Okay, I’ll ignore your sarcastic tone. How many are there of us? I’m really not sure, you know? Less than there was when I was first turned, I think. We spend a lot of time in hiding. We really don’t want the human world knowing about us. That part is true as well.
(beat)
Because we are better off! When I was first turned, humans did know about us, and they hunted us. We Vampires, we are stronger than the average human. We also have faster instincts, and we’re very good at hiding. I don’t know for sure, but I think we kind of evolved to be really good at hunting, well… humans. No, please don’t move! I don’t do that anymore! I haven’t fed… I mean, I don’t drink human blood. That’s not what this is about! No…

Sound of running, and a whooshing sound like material flying through the air. Then creaks as the listener is sat in the chair, followed by the sound of rope.

Yandere
I told you not to try anything! I’m going to have to tie you up again now! How am I so fast? Have you not been listening? What? You think I want to keep you tied up? You promise you won’t try that again? Fine, I won't put the ropes back on, but please don’t.
(beat)
I know this sounds crazy, but trust me, it’s real. I’m real. Vampires are real! I’m standing right in front of you! Can you not see me?
(beat)
Where are we all? Well that’s the thing. Most of us tend to keep to ourselves. A while back now, I’m not sure when exactly, a decision was kind of made that we would avoid contact with humans. For every human we hunted, ten would spring up to hunt us back and it looked like it was to be all out war. So, we hid. Got the blood we need from animals. Only some of the bad ones still feed on humans, and even then they do it stealthily. They’re very smart. They use human laws and influence to hide themselves. It’s easy to get very rich when you’ve been around for hundreds of years. They’re the really bad ones.
(beat)
Yeah, quite a few famous people are Vampires. But not all of us are like that. I don’t want to hurt anyone. Most of us try to live with humans. We get our blood from butchers, or hunting wild animals, and we just get by.
(beat)
No. I haven’t seen any of my kind for a long time. Not directly anyway. I’m alone.
(beat)
That’s a very long story. I will tell you, but I first need you to decide something. The thing is, the decision to keep away from humans and to hide, well, it was more than a decision. It was a general order. The accepted nature of a Vampire is that we do not reveal ourselves to humans unless… well unless we plan to make them one of us.
(beat)
Please don’t move. I need to explain… don’t even think about it.
(echoey)
STOP!
(beat)
Don’t you understand? I can’t let you go because you know about us now! And you shouldn’t do. Sit down, please, or I will have to make you.

A chair creaks as the listener sits back down.

Yandere
If we come into contact with humans, we take a lot of steps to avoid revealing who we really are. What we are. Most of us don’t risk getting close to anyone in case they figure it out. We can blend in, but the closer someone gets, the more they see us. Like you were starting to. And in moments of heightened emotion… well, you saw what happened.
(beat)
Why am I telling you now? Because you saw me. You may not have known what I was, but you saw enough. And if you told someone, and they told someone… before you know it someone hears who we don’t want to hear. And then, they’d come for you. They’d come for both of us.
(beat)
Remember I mentioned there are some powerful famous ones amongst us? Well, they like their lives. Exposing Vampires to the world could jeopardize that. And that is something that they won’t… believe me, you don’t want to piss them off.
(beat)
I’m sorry, it’s not that I didn’t trust you, but I couldn’t take that chance. As long as you knew about me, you’d be in danger. Anyone you told would be in danger. Anyone who you might have told. Leaving you free, knowing about me… I just couldn’t do it. It’s why I had to kidnap you. I didn’t really have a lot of time to think.
(emotionally, like Yandere is holding back tears)
And now we’re done, aren’t we? I can see it in the way you’re looking at me. Please believe me. I would never have done this to you. I had no choice. I really didn’t. I swear. Being with you has been the best time in my life. And I’ve lived forever. It’s a long time to be alone.
(beat)
Please say something.
(beat)
What happens now? Well, this is where it gets a bit, urm, complicated.
(beat)
I get it, you won’t tell anyone. And I believe you, I do. But it goes beyond that now. You know about us, and that knowledge is a curse. I know you, I know how conscientious you are. You’ll see Vampires in everything now. What if someone goes missing and you think a Vampire did it? What if you tell the wrong person? You’ll be dooming yourself, and you wouldn’t even know it.
(beat)
Yeah, I said I’ll let you go, and I will do. Well, that’s kind of up to you. You’ve seen that I have the power of compulsion. Vampires can use this to alter memories. It’s hard, and we avoid doing it unless we absolutely have to, but we can. If you want to leave, right now, then you can. But I would need to remove from your mind any memory of me. All the times we spent together would need to go.
(beat)
I could just try to remove what happened last night, yeah. But if I just disappear, you’ll look for me. Better you never met me. Better that I never existed for you.
(Yandere sniffs)
That is the price for your freedom, and for your safety. I will let you go, but you will go forever. We will never see each other again.
(beat)
The process won’t harm you! I have done it before. You would simply go to sleep, and wake up at home. You could get on with your life.
(beat)
Yes, I did mention you have a choice. The other option is that you don’t leave. You stay here with me.
(beat)
No, not as my prisoner. Haven’t I told you I don’t want to hurt you? I have no interest in holding you against your will. If you were to stay, it would be your own choice. But the only way to guarantee your safety would be, well, the thing is, I would need to… you would need to become like me. A Vampire.
(beat)
I’m afraid there isn’t another way. If you were to become a Vampire, you would be safe. Nobody would come after you. It would be in your best interests to not tell others about us. About what you were. But it’s more than that.
When I first entered into a relationship with you, I knew that if we were going to get serious, I would need to have this conversation eventually. I hoped we would be much further along than this, but there we go. It’s a lot to put on you, especially from someone you’ve not known that long.
If you were to become a Vampire, you could stay with me. Forever if you wanted. We could share eternity. Watch as this world grows and changes. There’s a lot of bad in it, but a lot of good as well. I could show it to you. We could see it together. For hundreds and hundreds of years.
There’s props to being a Vampire too. As I said, you have increased strength, and agility. You never get sick. Your body never changes, or ages. As long as you consume the blood you need, you don’t need any other form of sustenance. We don’t even need toilets! If nobody harms you, you can go on forever.
(beat)
Yes. I’m serious. I’m offering you the world, if you want to take it.
(Yandere’s voice quivers. This next bit is hard for them to say)
Of course, you wouldn’t have to stay with me forever. Once fully turned, if you wanted to, you could leave. Make your own way in the world. But this couldn’t happen straight away. Becoming a Vampire is an intense experience that I can’t even begin to describe to you. Everything is turned up like 1,000 percent. It’s a lot, and it can be very hard to get used to. If I were to change you, you would need to stay with me and learn how to control this power. And it could take a while. You would not be able to even think about returning to your old life for months, possibly years. If you went back too soon, you would run the risk of hurting those you loved.
(beat)
Yes. You would need to disappear. You would not be able to speak to your family, your friends, or anyone, for a long time.
(beat)
Yeah, I already said you can stay with me. I would help you, and bring you anything you needed. In time, there’s no reason why you could not reconnect with your old life. But you would have to be so careful. No matter how well you manage to integrate, or how well you hide who you really are, you would be a Vampire. Always.

The fire crackles in the grate as the listener takes all of this in.

Yandere
I know this is a lot, so I have one more thing I want to offer you. Stay with me, here in my home. Let me show you my world over the next few days. What it really means to be like me. You would not be allowed to leave here without me, and if you tried I would need to tie you up again, but if you promised me not to, then you can stay as long as you like. Or at least, until you make your final decision. Become a Vampire and accept a whole new life, or let me take your memories and return home. You can decide whenever you like, but just know that once you do, whenever that is, there is no going back.
(beat)
So. My love. What would you like to do?

And that's it! I leave the ending open really. Either it can end here, or I write more!
If you made it this far, thanks for reading, and have a good day!!

Thank you for this universe!
And many thanks to for being a full co-writer on this project!
Kaeden and Vichee belongs to and I thank them so much for working with us! It was an honor!
Sven belongs to Bjorn the Copper Paladin from Discord. I hope to do more with them in the future, and have tons of fun!
And don’t you worry about that final in the title! We have some news at the end!
[First]- [Prev]- {Next Story!!}

{Is the reason that everything happened to Tarlim in the first place?}

{Only up to the ramps, mostly. Trying to impress upon people the importance of accessibility for those with extenuating circumstances. At least according to the records I have access to.}

{The average person knows as much about his friends as they do about Mike Collins.}
<...Who?>
{Exactly. 20th century human spaceman, was there for their first lunar landing. Didn’t get to put boots on the ground, and nobody remembers his name now.}

{Hell, I didn’t even know about him until I put in a search query of niche historical figures just to give you an example. Yeesh…}

(Program Selected.)
(Resume Selected Media? [Y])
(Playing…)
Archived Closed Circuit Security Video - Establishment: Exterminator’s Office - Dawn Creek Division - Subbasement - Date Recorded (ST): OCT 31, 2136 - Timeframe (ST): 11:42 - 11:45
The parking bay is silent. Vans are parked neatly in their spots which frame the hallway to the armory and fuel storage for the camera. A ding is heard and something moves in the hallway. Five fully suited Venlil and a Zurulian step out of an elevator and run towards a van. The sound of a door slamming open comes from the hall roughly 6 seconds later. A stream of Exterminators pour out into the hall from the stairwell.
Their voices are indecipherable as they speak over each other. A Sulian runs into the armory and reappears with a huge flamer tank on their back. Another Zurulian can be seen with an extinguisher tank, but a Venlil bleats at them and tosses it aside. They drag the quadrupedal alien quickly into the parking garage before physically throwing them into the back of a van.
From the back of the hallway, a fluid can be seen spreading across the ground. A trio of Venlil back out of a room while holding their flamers up. They are unlit, instead spewing fuel out of their nozzles. The trio twirl around in an overly animated manner as they walk down the hall to the parking garage. A van pulls out of its spot with windows down so the passengers could let out a cheer.
A black-suited Venlil runs up to the spraying trio while waving their arms to get them out into the garage. The microphone just barely manages to catch him saying, “We need to save some for the predators!” One of the other Venlil replies, “Yes sir, Mafchi!” A short flurry of curses is heard as the gathered exterminators pile into the three other visible vans. Two of the vans speed out of the garage, forcing some other Venlil exterminators to dive out of the way in the process.
The black-suited Mafchi picks up a fuel canister that had been dropped and twists off its cap. He slings it under his shoulder and pours a line of fuel. He marches straight to the final van and hops up into the open rear. The van backs itself up to turn out of the garage. The fuel canister clatters to the ground as it pulls away. Before it clears the view of the camera, the Black-suited Venlil is seen standing in its open back. He is holding what appears to be a flare gun.
The flare sails through the air shortly after the van leaves the frame and impacts the ground. It bounces and rolls until it touches the fuel and ignites it in an instant. A small wall of fire proceeds down the provided trail into the hallway, igniting more fuel as time passes. The hallway is quickly engulfed in vividly red fire. Thick black smoke begins to pour out into the garage as the fire inches closer to the primary fuel tank.
Movement can be seen in the hallway between the flickering flames. The silver form of a Venlil Exterminator is seen rushing out of the stairwell and fighting to head towards the fuel storage room. Before they reach, a white flash fills the screen. The feed goes dead, the error code consistent with electrical interruption.
(Specified Media Concluded.)

{Who was what? Mafchi?}

{Hmmm, there aren’t any tags embedded for them. The suits do a rather good job at making the officers anonymous. Let me see…oh.}

{The, uh… the employment records for that Office were…terminated.}

{It looks like…yes, here. Record wipe in 2497. Media with less than 1 bistandannual visit were removed to save space on the university’s central server. It’s…they’re gone, gone gone.}

{Maybe, but that’ll do us no good if we don’t know their name. And because of the chaos of that incident, nobody has been able to accurately reconstruct where every individual was in that office. We’d have to already know who they were to find them.}
<...I guess that’s another person I’ll have to remember then, huh?>
{...Guess so. Speaking of remembering, perhaps you should check out Tarlim’s view again? Seeing how we were just talking about him.}
<...Sure. At least people remember his name, right?>
(Command: [exitprogram])
(Are you sure? [Y])
…
{-Program Selected-}
{-Restart From Last Playback Point? Y/(N)-}
{-[USERID-11229KMD]: procViewHist -}
{-Retrieving Transcription Viewing History…-}
{-List Retrieved - Select Desired Subject: (Tarlim)-}
{-Restart From Last Playback Point? (Y)/N-}
{-Playing…-}
Memory Transcription Subject: Tarlim, the Venbig. Date [Standardized Human Time] October 31st, 2136
No matter how much Sven and Anso griped about it, having them leave and return with the trailer was a great idea. The humans who had gone with them the first time were, to my dismay, excited to try and ride in the back. I had at least been able to impress on those four that I couldn’t let anyone else ride like that, and that they were to help with rigging a trailer with some seats.
I had to admit; they did a good job!
Several couches sat bolted to the floor of the covered trailer and even had some ropes that could be hooked across the armrests as impromptu belts. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but it would work as well as any bus or short train ride! Certainly superior to jumping in the bed of a truck.
I strode out into the parking road and swayed my ears to greet Anso. Sven had stayed behind here to meet with the humans and entertain the kids, a job which he was slightly less unenthusiastic about compared to last time. “Greetings, Anso! Have you made the necessary preparations for the humans to leave with you?”
The Yotul hopped out of the truck bed and bounced to me. “We have! I have to say those humans were great workers to have helped get this whipped up so quickly! I hope Sven has been behaving himself?”
I let my tail wag behind me remembering my last glimpse of him. He should really secure his sheath straps! “He has! Been entertaining the refugees while I made sure they all had their belongings ready to go. Come on inside, let’s go gather them.”
I guided him with a wave of my arm as we turned back to the door. To be truthful, I hadn’t expected Sven to win the humans over as quickly as he did. Needless to say, his primitive attire seemed to spark joy within them, a joy sorely needed amidst the sadness of recency.
As we entered the building I noticed something, or rather, the lack of something. When I had exited only a few [minutes] prior, the building had been full of life and noise. Now, it was almost dead quiet, save for the sounds of a holovision coming from the lobby. Rather heated sounds, at that.
“I didn’t think it was already main rest claw,” Anso mused as he, too, recognized the aggravated voices coming from the lobby. “And what are they watching in there? Sounds…angry.”
“Yeah…” I trailed off as I followed the noises. As I approached the lobby, the sound of what I assumed was a Gojid yelling. “You know nothing about my family. TALK, JUST FUCKING TALK, NOW!” My ears pinned back at the foul language at play, hoping that Sven and the children were somewhere else.
As I entered the room, I saw that I was only half right. The children were thankfully nowhere to be found, but Sven was obviously present, as was most of the facility staff. I was about to ask what was going on before another voice drew my attention to the holovision, the same as everyone else. The voice of none other than Chief Nikonus.
“There were three of us who laid out the groundwork for the Federation. When Kolshian explorers came in contact with the Farsul, more than a thousand years ago, the galaxy was young. We were the first in this sector to escape our gravity well. You know about the founding of this institution, but I reiterate it just in case.”
“The Krakotl were the third,” another voice piped up from behind the camera. I thought it might’ve been another Gojid, but the voice was far too breathy. Harchen, maybe? I wasn’t given a chance to consider it further as Nikonus continued. “Yes, they were a problem from the start; aggressive, disagreeable. We tried to identify the problem, and why they were so ill-equipped for spacefaring.”
“We learned they were scavengers, who would occasionally go for fish as well.”
His next line was rendered inaudible by the shocked gasps of both the refugees and residents in the room. I was no different, drawing in a sharp breath at the abrupt admission. I remembered that Arvi had said some aliens were revealed to have eaten meat in the past, but was this the way it was decided to be revealed? With such abject callousness?
Nikonus continued to speak, looking not just proud, but smug with his words. He went on about how the Federation had saved these aliens with their manipulations, but the entirety of his body language seemed to indicate he reveled in how devastating this information would be to the people he was speaking to. How they manipulated an entire culture, a RELIGION!
What if they did the same to ours?
That horrifying thought struck through my mind like a derailing train. I had relied upon the Tenets in some of my darkest moments. Found comfort in them when there was none elsewhere to be found. To have such a comfort revealed as a lie in its entirety, used only for some other group to control you…
The voice of Nikonus hit my ears again. “Oh Sovlin, I already told you. For the small minority of species who don’t find herbivory alone, we teach them the right way. Doesn’t the religion against predators sound familiar?”
The Kolshian was insufferably proud of those words. There was no doubt in my mind now; this was mocking. Mocking a Gojid for following The Protector. For being a predator. For being different, but expecting to still be treated as a person. The Gojid were predators, they couldn’t help it, and they were already being mocked for it.
What might happen to all the other species?
I shifted my focus away from the screen to the crowd, searching for one in particular. Vichee, a Krakotl already so different from everyone else, and now my concerns for them were multiplied with every word that fell from Nikonus’ mouth. Were they okay? They had come in here to see Sven, I had seen them. Where are-
I spotted Kaeden in the corner of the room. Next to him, slumped against the wall, was Vichee. The dual colored Krakotl’s eyes were glazed over as they stared at nothing. I strode over quickly, my instincts wanting to comfort them. Kaeden was simply standing there, it was confusing that he didn’t seem to be comforting Vichee at all. As I got closer, their head tilted up to me, regarding me with an unfocused eye.
“He was right.” They said quietly. My implant almost didn’t pick it up over the sounds of the lobby. “Kaeden had asked me soon after our first meeting if Krakotl had once been meat eaters. Said it was the shape of our beaks. ‘More suited to capturing small wriggling prey than filtering algae’. He told me. I nearly flew away right then… If I had, I would have been alone with this news.”I listened, kneeling down to be closer to their level. “You’re not alone, your herd is here. Right Kaeden?”
He looked over at me and nodded. “Vichee was there with me when Earth was attacked. I’m here for them now. Kaabra and Venik are… together, elsewhere at the moment. But they will be here too.”
I flicked my ears in understanding. “Then I hope they may help in hugging Vichee until their tears are dry.” I turned an eye to Vichee. “Please, I just want you to know that you are still you. What your body does has no effect on your personhood.”
Vichee still sat, their mind still likely whirling with the new information. They lifted their differently colored wings. “I’m well aware. This lesson I already learned. But thank you, I understand what you mean.” Kaeden nodded slowly and Vichee returned to their thoughts.
“There’s going to be trouble soon, Tarlim,” Kaeden stated gravely. “News like this? Nothing good will come of it. I can already tell this won’t go over well. Keep your eyes open.”
As if in response to his words, the sound of clanking metal hits my ears. They shoot up, pivoting to locate its source. There, dashing towards the door, was the armored figure of Sven. I didn’t know him enough to know how this broadcast would affect him, but running was never the best sign. I flicked my ears goodbye to my friends and rose, following after the metal man. In my periphery, I saw the television screen had shifted to show Rolem moving onto the stage. I would have to miss whatever it was he had to say, so ducked through the doors and continued to follow the sound of metal.
As I exited, I saw that I wasn’t the only one to see Sven’s actions. Anso was bounding behind him, shouting something I couldn’t hear. Sven didn’t seem to either as he kept running, but his gait wasn’t one of fear. He looked purposeful, sprinting in a straight line. A line pointed right towards-
Towards the observing Exterminator Van.
The metal Venlil didn’t even hesitate at the presence of the fence. He leapt up in a display of strength and agility, vaulting over the barrier and continuing his beeline into the van. It was like phased through the doors with how fast he moved. There were sounds of commotion that followed his entry, and soon two Exterminators fell out of the van. One Venlil…and one Krakotl. I wonder how Kalek is taking things.
I, too, cleared the fence with only a high step and reached the van, peering in to see Sven at the controls. “Sven! What are you doing?” I asked, the Krakotl officer shivering on the ground in my periphery.
“They got my girl!” He huffed, “She’s a Gojid, they got her, I can’t let them do anything worse to her!” He tried to activate the vehicle to no avail, but his words brought up something that I hadn’t thought much over. I remember hearing about temporary emplacements that were being set up. Paly had texted me about exterminators bringing people there. Her too. And that would mean-
-THOOOOOOOMMMMM-
The wind hit me like a truck and rocked the van I was standing next to. Sven even stopped trying to fiddle with the controls to see what had just happened. In the distance, near the center of town, an enormous black cloud rose into the air, the vestiges of fire still burning in the suspended embers. I couldn’t look away from it as my mind raced with horrible possibilities as my mind tripped over itself trying to concoct a plan of action.
I wasn’t given long to think before the radio in the van crackled to life, startling both Sven and myself. “Attention all True Exterminators! The truth has come out about the taint in our midst! For too long we have lived with its danger in our presence! If any of you still hold the safety of The Herd in your hearts, come join us so we may burn ALL the predator taint from this District! Rendezvous at Vulen’s apartment complex, we shall start our cleansing there!”
The name of one of my landlords sparked familiarity in my mind. They had been working to build a series of new apartments to add to his old, and if I remembered, had agreed to house the Gojid refugees. The Gojid! Paly was housed with them!!
In an instant, I reached into the van and grabbed Sven by the arm. He tried to pull away, but my grip was too strong. “Sven! They’re gonna kill the Gojid! They’re gonna burn Paly!”
He finally managed to shake himself free as my paws became jittery from stress. “I gotta save my girlfriend! She’s in a facility! I gotta save her!”
“But they’re gonna burn people here!” I protested, “we have to do something! We need- We need People who can fight them! Kaeden! I need to get Kaeden! We can save them!”
I pulled myself away from the van and spotted Anso nearby. He must have had to go through the gate, but this was good timing. I pointed a claw at him. “Do Not Let Him drive off before I get back!”
I didn’t give him, nor the Exterminators who had recovered from their shock, time to ask questions. Paly was in danger, as were who knew how many others. I faintly heard my data pad chime from within my shoulder bag, the signal my heart was beating too fast, but I couldn’t deal with it right now. I could get the heart rate under control during the drive. Right now I needed Kaeden, he knew how to fight! How to save people when others were trying to kill them!
My paws guided me and I was back in the cafeteria before I knew it. Some of the crowd had dissipated, but Kaeden and Vichee were still in the same corner I had left them in, but with their Venlil friends now joined. Without leaving time for protest, I grabbed Kaeden’s arm and pulled him away. I heard Vichee squawk behind me, but I was in too much of a hurry. I can’t let her get hurt. I Won’t.
Kaeden started to slap my arm as I dragged the soldier across the lobby. “Tarlim! What the fuck are you doing?? What’s going on?”
“No time, they’re going to burn everyone,” I breathlessly said as I burst the facility doors open to get him to the van.
“What? Who?” Kaeden questioned, still resisting my pull. I could hear a tinge of worry in his voice, and I knew he would understand. Anso looked back from his position as he heard my approach, and upon seeing me dragging Kaeden along, he grew visibly concerned.
“On the radio, something about True Exterminators,” I attempted to explain to him as we neared the gate doors. This time, I simply spread them apart with my free paw, metal screeching against itself as the gate was forced open. “They’re going to burn every cured species they can find, and That Means Paly. I Won’t Let Them.”
Kaeden had stopped struggling as I explained the bare essentials to him, and once we approached the van, he finally had enough sense to ask the right questions. “So what exactly is the plan to stop them? We’re strong, sure, I could probably take most of them. But just two of us against a wall of those flamers?”
“Not two,” I corrected, letting go of his arm and throwing open the back doors of the van. Still seated in the drivers side was Sven, who looked back once he heard me permit entrance into the back. “We have him too.”
“Wh- the LARPer??” Kaeden asked incredulously. I wasn’t familiar with the term he used, but his tone told us all we needed to know. Sven’s eyes narrowed at the perceived insult, but Kaeden continued. “Do either of you have any formal military training?? Rushing down there is only going to get you both killed along with the others! For fucks sake, slow down! We need a plan!”
“T-There won’t be t-time f-for one,” a voice peeped in from behind us. We all turned to face the source, and we found it was the Venlil Exterminator. They recoiled under the sudden gaze of our entire party, but they managed to continue. “I-I recognized the v-voice. It w-was one of the n-new recruits. They m-might as well be Y-Yulpa. If you w-want to stop them, it’s now or n-never.”
We all stared at them for a moment in disbelief that they’d willingly hand over that information to us. They were Exterminators, weren’t they? They should be allied with the voice on the radio! Kaeden, after considering the information, gave voice to my confusion. “And why are you telling us this? You’re an exterminator, shouldn’t you be trying to help them?”
“M-My husband is the Krakotl that was in the van with me!” They yelled back, stamping their footpaw on the ground in agitation. “I-I don’t care what his ancestors did a t-thousand years ago, I will not stand for those zealots burning who knows how many people! We’re not all the same, h-human!”
I was taken aback by their words. I had given up hope that there were any redeemable souls amongst the ranks of those silver-suited brahkasses, but living proof of the contrary stood before us. Their breathing was only matched by mine as my pad continued to chime in my pack. Maybe there’s hope after all.
Kaeden started frantically looking all around, his focused gaze falling on the facility, the exterminator in front of us, and the rising smoke in the distance. After a moment's hesitation, he growled to himself and shook his head. “Fine! Fucking- if you want to prove you’re different, you and your partner stand guard at the gate! They’ll probably try to send a division here, so keep on guard! And for the love of God, go ask for help if that happens!”
My tail wagged behind me as I interpreted what that meant. “So you’ll help us, Kaeden?”
He paused for a second, an agonizing second as he fully took in the situation in his mind. But ultimately, he nodded. “Let’s go, we can figure things out along the way.”
Seizing the moment, Anso quickly jumped into the van and pushed Sven out of the driver's seat, much to their visible frustration. Kaeden quickly hopped into the passenger seat, leaving me with the problem of finding a space that would fit me. I stepped over to the back of the van and threw the doors open.
The flamers and their fuel tanks were useless to us, easy to toss all three sets out onto the ground behind me. I made sure that the flamers were disabled first, of course. Just had to snap the pilot lighters and slice a hose with my claw. Even if these two said they weren’t like these “True Exterminators” I didn’t trust them one bit. I crawled inside the cramped vehicle and wiggled myself to close the doors behind me.
As I got myself settled, I watched as the Venlil Exterminator started to inspect the destroyed remains of their weapons. I squinted a glare at them and positioned myself so they couldn’t enter with me. “You two aren’t coming,” I hissed. “You know why you’re not. Try anything with the humans, and they will stop you.”
I slammed the doors shut as their expressions fell, just in time for Anso to get the van into gear. I curled myself up against the wall of the van, watching out the back window as we sped down the road. We were on our way now. On our way to save Paly and all the people gathered because their ancestors ate meat. My heart hammered in my chest, but I would need to control it for what we were about to do. I needed to focus. I needed to breathe. I needed to be calm.
Focus. Breathe. Calm
Focus.
Breathe.
Calm…
{-ALERT: Automatic Annotation Detected - Switching Transcription Subject-}
{-Loading…Playback Ready-}
{-Playing…-}
Memory Transcription Subject: Sol-Vah, Fleeing Predator. Date [Standardized Human Time] October 31st, 2136
My legs couldn’t carry me anymore. I had to keep going, but I didn’t have the strength. My pants became wheezes as my body struggled to keep up with the physical exertion of running almost halfway through town. I hadn’t even looked up before now, at least with eyes not blinded by tears. The pain of Mute’s rejection still stung in my soul, a pain so visceral it threatened to rip me apart worse than any Arxur. Protector, what did I do to deserve this? Is there even a Protector, or did the Federation just- just make that up?
I didn’t have time to think about that now, I needed to get to the office. From what little I caught of the broadcast, Nikonus had said they saved us before. I knew what it likely was, but…I was desperate. I just wanted to go back home and have him embrace me like he did before. The safety and love I had felt from him was still fresh in my mind, and if there was any chance I had to get it back?
I’ll happily take it.
As I approached the office, however, something seemed off. I could smell soot in the air, but not the kind of soot that came from our flamers. This was- was…dirtier smelling, as if the fuel had been impure. Upon looking up, however, I saw something that made my stomach drop. A huge plume of smoke, billowing up into the sky. It shadowed the sun itself with its immensity and hate. Did the Exterminators burn more drugs? Or…or…
I felt a renewed vigor as I started to run towards the plume, hoping against hope that I was wrong. As soon as I turned the corner, though, my worst fears were realized. Where the office once stood now sat a burning stack of glorified rubble, every single window in sight shattered and multiple holes in the outer walls. The building was split, it was as if a giant knife had come down and sloppily sliced off its front half to spill flaming debris everywhere.
I stood in front of the building I had once called my home, surrounded by screams and the awful sound of flames roaring. I knew now there was no hope of salvation, no way this could ever be undone. I would never be able to go back to the way things were, never feel the happiness I had for that brief time. I was doomed to this life, abandoned by my love, and forced to live as an abomination devoid of a home.
I suppose that’s all a predator like me deserves.
[First]- [Prev]- {Next Story!!}
You read it right: This is going to be the final chapter of "Of Giants and Journalists." With the conclusion of Sharnet and Vekna's adventure, we will now take the time to show how this announcement has affected our characters and the galaxy at large. We're excited to announce our new series, Nature of a Giant: Aftermath! This series will not be quite as in-depth temporally as Of Giants and Journalists was, mainly because not as much will be happening in as short of a time. Rest assured, though, there will still be plenty of action across the board! You just won't have to deal with over half the story only covering a week of time!
In that vein, we are also excited to announce we are working on another bonus series, one that was teased a long time ago, Venric Lawven: Legal Legend! It will be filling the gap for content while we work on the first few chapters of Aftermath to make sure the scenes are as quality as they deserve, but will have a reduced upload schedule to once a week to accommodate for writing two series at once. On behalf of both of myself and , we'd like to thank all of our readers for sticking with us on this journey. It's hard to believe this series has been going on for over a year in one form or another, but I wouldn't have it any other way! Thank you all again for your continued support, and we look forward to seeing you again with Legal Legends! And then...
The Aftermath!!

First/Previous
Gemma was right about the sky’s open night, and I could sympathize with her recollection of the beauty, but for me it must’ve been a greater tragedy—the young woman had only ever enjoyed the stars in the pits of Golgotha; I could, long before, drink in the sky at leisure. Cruel memories.
The night the Rednecks died was one of viscera, but before that it was coolness on the breeze, a warmth by the fires while John played his guitar and we had only just taken two dozen kegs of lager (personal reserves) from the Atlanta despot—the man that kept his subjects as slaves and not a person among the camp was left without budding intoxication. No matter the age, everyone was invited to be merry; if it was that children too faced the plight of a bad world, then so too should they reap the moments of plenty—or so the camp figured.
John had taken a group by the fires where wagons were drawn in interlocking semicircles for cover and Jackson sat beside the picker. Jackson was a man which normally preferred quiet reflection over boisterous singing and nearly never wore the band on his throat, and yet there he was belting out the chorus at the top of his lungs, tankard in hand, red cloth blazed around his neck—it was a contagion and those drunk enough for easier embarrassment sang proudly along:
“There is power, there is power in a band of working folk!
When we stand hand in hand,
That’s a power, that’s the power,
That must rule in every land!”
I’d taken to the outlying shadows with my back pressed against the gas-powered caleche, my own tankard in hand. I loved the warmth of that great big family, truly, but even in those days—and maybe it was that queer youthfulness which longed for individualism that made me that way then—I remained as distanced as possible when I could. I sipped the lager, it was a fine drink and my brother Billy, nearly as old as I was when I’d first taken up in the infantry, swaggered to stand beside me just as quiet for minutes and we looked at the stars and he asked me what it was like to kill a man.
“Is it hard?” he asked.
I nodded, “Sometimes.”
“Killing monsters ain’t so bad. Don’t know if I could do it to a person.”
“You could if they meant to kill you; or if they meant to do it to someone you cared about,” I promised him. In those days, spry, energized, I held no time for staring into abysses; though I still wasn’t a man fully, I pretended as one. It was about family, and it was about doing what was right—what’s right seemed to change, or I changed. The world felt stark with good and evil and even later I’d feel that sentiment well up in me, but if that’s true, I know I stand more on the latter and so I intentionally obfuscated it—this I know. If not, it might be too much to bear. I was required to lie to myself and even in knowing I lied, it was better.
Billy tugged on the red kerchief around his throat and asked me how it looked on him.
“Looks good,” I said.
“Don’t think I look stupid at all?”
I smiled over my drink, “You always look stupid.” I sipped. “The neckwear’s fine.”
“Give me a break,” said Billy; he investigated his own cup, gave it a swish with his wrist, watching its contents swirl. “Aren’t you ever afraid you’ll die?”
“Sometimes—nights like this—I wouldn’t mind it.”
“Really?” my brother asked.
“There’s always a chance of it. Every moment, I guess.”
He smiled. “I wish I had that confidence.”
“You’ll get it,” I returned his smile; it was true that he would gain the fighting spirit. It came to us all with time and reminiscing on the early days, I recall the grit and the hatred—there was learning there too though. Besides, I’d seen the squalors of a stationary man. The stagnation of a place, an unmoving home.
John put his guitar away and laughter erupted from the crowd from something said and Sibylle, cowboy hat cocked funny, traipsed across the camp to the open keg for a refill; the man there, tending the cylinders, was a man named Tandy (a foreigner and one unknown besides the way he smoked a skunk pipe and told wild stories). My mother leaned over while Tandy opened the spigot mouth on the keg, and she froze there, and I could see her there cut out forever against the light of the fires; I watched, and it came so suddenly that I couldn’t be sure what’d happened at all. It was so sudden that I couldn’t find my weapon and I couldn’t find even the courage to fight because in those moments it wasn’t courage I needed, it was grounds to understand.
Sibylle came apart in two pieces immediately, torn completely through and dust erupted as her legs struck the ground while her torso spun through the air like a top, a trail of liquid trailed after, caught in the blue of night so it shone as black; she couldn’t scream. Tandy was a statue. Before anyone could react, more flesh, other bodies, went up and there was all manner of limbs which filled the ground, and it is astounding how quickly a red mist forms across the ground during a massacre. Perhaps the wails of my comrades started before, perhaps others fell before Sibylle, but I could not comprehend the goings-on till I saw her drop the way she did.
Frail human screams rose on the night; I slammed to the ground, tankard gone away and hands scrambling in the dirt; I reached up blindly and yanked Billy to my level and his expression was one of innocence, panic, tears even. Glancing around, I saw the demons bolt from the pitch-black darkness on the edges of camp, mutants taking the fore while greater creatures lurked further back, some hurled whips of gliding metal which writhed over their heads when they stretched them out for a strike—alien—and they sliced directly through soft human bodies. Not even a cry escaped me, but Billy let go with it and I slapped my cupped hand over his mouth hard to hold the screams. His voice would not have been alone anyway, not alongside that startling cacophony. Amidst the cries of people, there were the cries of horses, of our hounds.
We rolled across the ground, slipped beneath the raised body of the gas-powered caleche, remained quiet in the dark, peeked out between the wheels.
“What’s happening?” Billy whispered through my fingers; I removed my hand from him and caught a glimpse of him framed in a square of firelight through the wheels—we lay there on our bellies and the left side of his face was glazed with dirt where I’d pulled him down.
“Shh,” I told him, “Shh, please. Please.” Not another word came while I pleaded with him, pleaded with the world to make this all a nightmare.
Through the haze and the running silhouettes painted black, I saw what might have been Jackson; he stumbled and in the moment that it took me to gasp, his head was gone from his body, his torso slid on as he collapsed, came to rest mere feet from the motor wagon. I told myself that it wasn’t him, but it probably was.
Some mutants lumbered through the camp like animated corpses, some leapt with wild energy or sprayed noxious fumes which lingered in the air; others still were amalgams of humanlike limbs themselves—fiends—exhausting terrible sounds, producing smells of sulfur, glistening with whatever liquids excreted from their oblong alien orifices. Demons ran amok, chanted in devil tongued languages, laughed madly at the destruction—others still, those which displayed some greater intelligence, broke into a song I could never hope or want to replicate; it seemed a unified damnation.
“Please,” I repeated in a whimper and Billy hushed me this time and I realized we were holding hands, squeezing for dear life as figures walked the camp, speared those half-alive, elected others for twisted carnality.
In darkness, in fright plainly, we scuttled from the recess of our hiding place, kept quiet, held to each other, and went into the wasteland where nothing was—every shadow was a potential threat, every second could’ve been the last. We were holding hands; then we weren’t.
Only a glance—that’s all I afforded my brother and nothing more—what a joke of a person I am! What a coward I was. Always.
Something got him in the dark and instead of dying alongside those I cared about, I went on, heartbeat driving me till it was all that I heard in my ears and my muscles ached and my chest heaved and sweat covered me, chilled me in the breeze of the night—it was only once I’d accepted the dark completely, crawled into a hollowed space of rocks along a squat ridge that I watched the demolished camp; it seemed no larger than a spark, but the creatures, fiends and others continued their war cries; never before had I witnessed demons participate in such an attack.
I watched till the sun came, till the fires became smoke, then I watched the band of hell creatures disband. The smell of sulfur remained in the air—copper too—and I stumbled back to the camp in a dreamlike daze, totally unbelieving of the things I saw. Among those dead on the ground, I could recognize none; among those piked from rear to shoulder, standing like morbid scarecrows where they’d been steadied against the ground, I could not want to recognize.
Many of the wagons were overturned, including the gas-powered caleche and I went to it; the metal of its body was warped but I fell to the ground by it and pushed my back against the exposed undercarriage, remained frozen there while examining the bodies, the terrible strips of skin which rested places like wet sheets of paper, the piles of bones removed and smashed and piled.
I cried so deeply that oxygen became a memory, and the shakes couldn’t be contained.
It was like that for so long, knees pulled up, face pushed between, and the wails came unafraid of whatever attention they might garner; there was no rationale, but I imagine if there had been, I would’ve welcomed death in that misery. It was a deep wound that not even my own cowardice would overcome for the sake of survival.
Unaware of my surroundings, not wanting to look up from the ground between my legs, the noise which had started out as imaginary became real and I raised my head then to listen better and wipe my sore eyes; it was the sound of clip-clop horse hooves and I mildly wondered if any of the animals had been spared. I stood and pivoted around the dead camp and there it was, a man on a painted horse with golden hair; he leisurely drove the mount through the place, maneuvering around pools of blood, clumps of body parts and upon seeing me, he smiled and offered a languid wave, keeping one of his gloved hands on the reins.
The man wore white and swished his hair back upon arriving directly in front of me. Ahoy, he offered kindly, Did you happen to see the other riders?
I shook my head, feeling numb.
Ah, he said, I could have sworn four other riders, at least, passed me on my way. His gray eyes examined the carnage. Shame. He shook his head. You are?
“H-harlan.”
He nodded and nearly offered an expression of genuine condolence before descending from the horse; the animal gave a gentle grunt and wandered away from its master to inspect a nearby group of the dead. The man offered his hand, and I took it in a shake. Mephisto, said the man. He flashed a smile again before his face grew serious. I’ve come to you to deal.
I shot him a questioning look, one of bafflement.
I heard your calls from far off. He nodded, removed a white handkerchief from his breast pocket and swiped it down his face. Hot out. He shrugged then replaced the cloth in his pocket. This, he motioned to the disarray of vehicles, of bodies, I can’t fix all this—it’s too much—but there’s a person you love, I know. I could bring them back.
“Doctor?” In retrospect it was such a naïve question.
He shook his head.
“Angel?”
He grinned and nodded, Sure.
“Demon?”
Undoubtedly. His eyes—pits of gray in that radiant face—nearly expressed solemness; he daintily shook the hair from his face and looked at his steed which sniffed a corpse. What’s the word, Harlan? There are others calling and I must be on my way soon—I can’t dally. There was a sharpness to the words. Can’t dally. We must convene soon, or I’ll mosey on.
I snorted back the clog in my nose from the tears and wiped my eyes with my sleeves. “Okay.”
Deal?
I nodded, “Deal.”
Sleep tonight, said Mephisto, Sleep and you’ll be rewarded in the morning.
“You said it’s a deal.”
He nodded and scanned the carnage before we matched gazes and then he said, Yes?
“What is it you want from me?”
Nothing you need now. He called the horse, and it came, and he swept his feet quickly from the ground and settled into position atop the animal. Sleep, Harlan. You won’t be bothered. There are worse things still over the horizon.
I watched him go till he disappeared and once he was gone, I couldn’t cry anymore and instead rummaged through the wagons for what I might carry; along the way I found John, face twisted but corpse intact. The body from the previous night that I’d guessed was Jackson couldn’t be determined but I found him nowhere else. I slid Sibylle’s holster from her hips, fell hard onto the ground and found that I could sob more. I took her cowboy hat, placed it on my head and held her pistol in one hand and the belt holster dangled from the other while I searched the other bodies; there were so many, but I could not find Billy.
Waiting for darkness, I took the spot where I rested, back against the caleche’s undercarriage, watched the sky and felt the gun in my hand; it was heavy. I put it to my head, closed my eyes, and whispered affirmations to myself then I put the pistol between my splayed legs, watched it still in the dirt, and pulled the hat down over my eyes but it did little for the smell. Though the brim of the hat cut the sky out, I watched the ground and saw circling shadows form overhead and heard calls of turkey vultures; they came to pick over the bodies. I withdrew my knees to my chest there again and laid my forearm across them and bit into my arm while closing my eyes. I had thought I was a man and for a time, maybe I was, but there in that miserable pit of despair I became a child again and if I’d become more delirious, I’m sure I might’ve called out for Jackson like it was a bad dream.
Into a fading stupor of sleep in the sun I went and when I awoke again it was dark and chilly and I was tired and hungry but too sick to eat and hardly strong enough to move; I looked at the gun and put it into its holster and left it there by the caleche. In the light of the moon and stars, I moved to gather a bolt of canvas; I unfurled the fabric and created a leaning shelter against the overturned vehicle and crawled into it. There was a hole in the canvas, and I peeked out at the stars.
Weeping came again, but not so uproarious; I was stuck there letting go of whimpers, lying on my back, feeling the tears trace in lines from the outer corners of my eyes to collect along my earlobes. In time, I fell to sleep again on the hard ground because the mourning had taken all else from me.
A pinpoint of sunlight broke my eyelids and I jerked awake and reached for the holster, but it was gone. So was the hat. I crawled from the leaning shelter and there he was.
Billy stood plainly among the dried, congealed blood-soaked field and he looked on to the horizon and all shadows were long in the midday sun which hung up there in a soft blue sky. Whether it be a dream or a spell, I couldn’t care—I charged to him and spun him so he faced me and though his face was plain and expressionless, I wrapped him into a forceful hug. He placed his hands on my back and gave a gentle squeeze; when I pulled from him, my hands on his shoulders, I saw he held Sibylle’s hat in his left hand, pinched by the brim; he’d already tugged her holster belt around his hips—he could have it all. I shook while holding him then let go to wipe my face.
“You’re alive,” I nodded.
He nodded without speaking then looked at the hat in his hand and placed it on his head and firmly pressed it down.
“Billy! Hell, you’re alive!”
The corners of his mouth twitched upward for a moment then he nodded again. “Yeah.” His eyes curiously searched our surroundings like he meant to take each detail in forever.
I slapped him on the shoulder and almost squealed. “Goddammit.” I wiped my eyes again and could do little to keep the excitement from exploding from me. “Oh, we should go. We should go on and get somewhere safe.”
He nodded toward the horizon, “’Lanta?”
“Sure.”
We packed and it was a like an ethereal phantom remained among us beside the quiet dead; turkey vultures cawed to break the silence, pecked where they pleased on the bodies, and I couldn’t want to fight them. I kept sidelong eyes on Billy with the ever-present worry that he’d vanish. Perhaps he was the phantom.
From the rear of the caleche, I removed a few sentimental books Jackson liked, essential cookware, and sparse rations for the trek. The last thing I grabbed was my shotgun and a bit of ammo.
As we set from the dead place, the terrible silhouettes that were cut from there on the horizon behind us grew in my mind with every backward glance—I wanted to fall to pieces, but I saw Billy walk alongside me and although contented is not the right word, it is the nearest. The steps of our boots were all that was heard because I could not fathom to pierce the space between us with words for fear that it would all end. It was a dream, surely. I’d lost my mind. With my hands thumbed into the straps of my pack, I saw I my hands still shook, and they would shake a lot longer—years and with memories too. The crunch of earth underfoot became a rhythm and instead of looking at my brother, I watched his shadow on the ground.
“Everyone’s dead?” He asked.
“Yeah.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah,” I repeated.
“How ain’t I? How ain’t you?”
To say that it was luck would’ve been too morbid. Instead of saying anything, I shrugged, kicked a loose stone, watched my feet some more, and felt a queasiness come over me. For the moment, the immeasurable deaths of those I’d left behind were forgotten in the company of my brother and a sickness welled up inside of me so suddenly that I felt that I’d fall to pieces at the slightest provocation. Finally, I did speak again, but only after steeling myself to the troubles, “Yeah, how are you alive?”
Billy shrugged at me then stumbled up a hill which overlooked trash wood wilderness where sticks lay twisted and bare and further on the sight of Atlanta was visible and I cupped a hand across my brow and Billy did the same and we looked on at the shadows of the place out there where strings of smoke rose from the skyline as a signature for the desolation of the city; it was dead. I felt it in my bones.
My hands were light while my head was heavy, my throat was dry, and the entire world seized in moments of stillness or perhaps it was my own vision which construed the world in that way; I took to the small hill which Billy had climbed and sat there and stared at the place between my feet to steady myself.
“Fire,” said Billy.
I nodded and nearly choked.
Leviathan—till then I had no belief in dragons—glided over the broken city, its winged shadow little seen but its voice was deep across the scene, letting go of roars which shook the ground. We hid among the trash wood and moved down the hill and watched the creature thrash in the air as if it was angry for its abominable life. Whatever millennia it spent in the pits of hell seemingly thrust upon it a love of destruction and pain.
My brother moved with a more assured stride and kept a cool distance and upon fleeing from the wreckage, from the outlying area of Atlanta and the place we’d left our family, he spoke little and watched me strangely whenever I took to melancholic fatiguing. We lit no fires for fear of what it could draw from the night so in the dark I’d see him watching some far-off place, maybe seeing through the reality which surrounded us, and he’d snap from it, catch my eye, and disappear for minutes to scan the perimeter of whatever place we stayed. Being alongside my resurrected brother was lonelier than I could bear, and I hoped he’d disappear for good or that I could work up the courage to end my own life. It was like purgatory explained in books and for a time, it felt endless; upon witnessing the destruction of Atlanta, we pushed to Marrietta, and it was much the same. As was Chatanooga, Nashville, Knoxville, Louisville, Charlotte. The ocean had risen so that Fayetville was gone underwater, and the Florida leg disappeared completely as far as I’m aware. I understood later that Memphis was overlooked and more places further west were alive too, but when we’d exhausted the south, we moved north and found strongholds of families or traders or even small groupings of civilization, but by and large we found nothing much in the two years that we hoofed it from place to place; it was my doing mostly—I wanted to find a place untouched by the mayhem in the area my family had once patrolled.
In retrospect, I am certain that Billy only stayed by my side for convenience; there wasn’t any of my brother left in the man that was my travelling companion for that time. He was a ghost of a person and Mephisto had preyed upon my desire in the worst moment of weakness in my life. There were nights—maybe we’d taken up in a natural alcove for shelter or we’d locked ourselves in some ancient structure for sleep—I’d watch Billy lay where he was, Sibylle’s hat and holster lying beside him, and I’d think of putting him down but he’d stir and in a brief shadow I’d see my brother as he’d been and withdraw to bury my face in fake sleep to be met with images of the night the demons attacked where I’d shake, sweat, and bite my lips so hard I’d drink blood.
Two years we marched around the Appalachians and in that time, I felt myself wither and disconnect.
Upon moving further north we met Indianapolis—that’s what it was called back then—and it was run by an older woman called Lady Lazarus; I reckon her father, affluent and dead, was a fan of Plath. Indianapolis was fortified more than most with its high walls, and its wall men, and its underground facilities which produced substantial ammunition. We—me and Billy’s revenant—were travelling with a group of traders we’d taken up with from out west; they called themselves wizards and although they seemed of the occult, their spirits discounted whatever suspicions I might’ve had of them.
I remember first pushing through that big gate; the town kept with it an indisputable malaise and though we were greeted at the gate by the leader Lady Lazarus—her brothers came along with her—and her jovial demeanor carried a certain infectious quality, I could not help but notice that the regular denizens maintained a healthy distance from their leader (the guards which followed the Lady everywhere probably had something to do with this).
Lady Lazarus touched each of our hands in greeting with enthusiasm and I could not help but notice how soft they were, how vibrant her eyes were, how much she smiled, and how beautiful she was given her age; already her head was fully gray.
Upon meeting each of us, going through the wizard traders first, she came to me, and Billy and she shook my hand then pivoted to Billy.
“Welcome. You can call me Lady.”
Billy caught her hand in his, held it longer than she’d intended so that they held eye contact, and he smiled broadly, tipped the cowboy hat on his head back to expose his smooth forehead and said, “And you can call me Maron, mam. You are quite a sight for a tired man.”
Though Maron—as he’d named himself—was more boy than man, Lady took a disturbed liking to him immediately and we prolonged our stay in Indianapolis after the wizards departed to head west.
Under the rule of Lady, Indianapolis was a theocracy, with her addressing the huddled masses at the steps of her grand abode, she’d preach for hours on sin and strife and quote her favorite passages; though reminiscent of my time with the Rednecks, I never found any truth or sincerity or freedom in her teaching—hers was more trouble, brimstone, fire and I’d had enough of that for a lifetime. Public execution was common. As was torture.
Maron distanced himself further from me, but I remained to keep an eye on him—it was not sentimentality but rather I existed without purpose and conjured some from watching my brother.
Often, Lady invited Maron to her private rooms and though the rumors and speculation ran the full spectrum of perverse speculation, every denizen feigned ignorance at her pregnancy.
Upon giving birth, the infant was malformed with two heads—her brothers took this as an omen and killed the child, put their leader in the stocks for months, and stripped her of dignity while the denizens did to her what they pleased.
Maron rose through the wall men while Lady’s brothers assumed control of Indianapolis and called themselves Bosses; in the time since Lady’s reign, the place was renamed to Golgotha for its closeness to a messiah.
I went west but always found myself drawn back to Golgotha because of some emptiness in me. It was only with Suzanne that I wanted something more and knowing them, I almost believed in a world like the one that children dream about. The world that Gemma and Andrew chased after when they left home, like the one Aggie talked about in her mother’s books. There’s a hopelessness in me that I’ll never be rid of. In the interim between our initial arrival to Golgotha and that flight from that terrible city, I cannot know how many people I sacrificed in convening with demons because I refuse to know because the number would destroy me. That is the worst of it; I do not even have courage enough to face myself or the actions of my past in any substantive way.
Mephisto tainted me so that I could speak with his kind as a dealmaker and the disease grew.
Billy or Maron or whatever he is should have been reaped long ago or better, I should never have brought that abomination alive. Such a cruel world where a deep longing like that can be inverted, weaponized. Me and him should both die; me and him should have died a long time ago.
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Hi all, long time lurker here - this is my first time posting anything on Reddit. So, I’ve had both sides of my nose pierced for 2 years now (they were paired, done in one sitting.) I’ve had irritation bumps here and there, ones that would clear up within a week or so. You know, the usual for healing piercings… They are fully healed now and I wanted to go for a jewelry change in February. I visited a piercing shop and purchased two surgical grade titanium flatback studs, had the old jewelry switched out by the piercer, and that was that. A week or two later, a bump developed on one side. I originally thought that it was just an irritation bump from a jewelry change, but it’s been 3 months now and it still hasn’t cleared up. It flares up, and then shrinks, like it has some sort of repetitive cycle. I’ve visited the local piercing and tattoo shop about it and they seem to believe it’s simply an irritation bump, whereas other people I’ve asked believe that it is a keloid due to there being no visible irritation to the area anymore. I’m feeling very divided and confused with my thoughts on this as there doesn’t seem to be a clear answer. I always stick to sterile saline (neilmed) once a day to keep the piercings clean and I never forget to LITHA. I go out of my way to avoid sleeping on the side with the bump. I’ve never had a bump for this long, let alone complications from a jewelry change, and I really don’t know what to do. I’ve been suggested crushed aspirin and hydrogen peroxide soaks, but I’ve avoided those as it seems that most people are opposed to these methods.

So recently me and my now (ex) broke up. For context M(19) and FM(18). We started dating our junior year of high school and we were on a good road for a minute. Then my avoidance striked 6 months into our relationship. This was completely new to me as this was my first serious relationship. Over the 2 years that we were together there was a good amount of off and on in the relationship. And if you're familiar with attachment types I was an avoidant and she was an anxious. However, I can confidently say that she really did love me, and stayed through a lot of things that she didn’t have to. She was also very loyal, self sacrificing and loving. I was just too immature and pushed her away a lot. And long story short, the push and pull of our on and off tendencies and complications caused her to break up with me. It was a specific argument that left a bad taste in her mouth and it was enough for her to pull the plug. However she still loves me and i know this. In fact, I have exactly what she said after i had reached out ti her and expressed how much I’ve been struggling.
Here’s what she said word for word: “in all honesty, that part of me that is effortlessly in love with to you is still here. she's just really discouraged and facing reality, something keeps not working. when we get back together my favorite part is laying with you at night. when i lay on your chest and you'll kiss my forehead and i feel peace and safety. but recently, that feeling has subsided significantly. it's like although you love me you can't help but hurt me. something isn't working. and i feel it in my gut when we lay together like we're on borrowed time. and although i know right now i can't be with you i am hopeful something will change after time and distance. a part of me dislikes myself for hoping that, because the standards of our relationship currently is truly unacceptable. to hope that in months time i might return to the loving man i know you truly are deep down inside without the toxicity of you negative compulsions - it feels like an unrealistic dream. but at night when i lay down i imagine finding you again and the love is there and your mind is more clear. more clear on how to not repeat mistakes, how to start off strong. I'm not sure that's the path God has in store for us, but it's nice to imagine. that you won't have to work to change to gain me back but something in you shifts to know how to truly treat a woman right. sometimes when something gets so bad you need to step away, and when you come back it's more peaceful and clear. in the mean time i'm just going to build myself and put myself onto the path of the woman i want to be. i see her, i see who i can be. it's in my reach, peace is in my reach. and with peace comes healthy habits and a clear mind. something apart of me right now though, it's not alive. the love is dormant and i need to take advantage of that to start working on myself. if i see you in person my mind is unclear. if i talk to you my mind is unclear, of course im going to want to feed into talking to you and seeing you and spending time with you. but im not going to live someone temporarily. if i'm going to love it's going to be with all of me, and it's going to be someone i will or can be my husband. this is the right choice.”
I’ve been hurting pretty bad since this break up. She’s comforted me and held me and let me know that I need to go through this breakup process alone and that we shouldn’t be in contact so that we could heal. I’d like to know how you guys feel about this. Do you guys think she’ll come back? I’ve honestly been working on myself in going ti the gym, journaling, reading books about my attachment style so that i could heal and things along that line. I could use some insight, please and thanks.

Chapter 1 for those who missed it and are interested: https://www.reddit.com/knightposting/comments/1cleph7/the_descent_to_ascension/
“What are we looking for again?” Fallen asked Blue, they had been walking for several days now, resting every few hours due to Fallens severe injuries, which were unable to quickly heal due to his lack of food. Blue was keeping him alive but couldn’t just make protein from air.
“The spot you appeared when you got here, you don’t remember it but I do, I’ll tell you when we find it.”
“How long will that take? Chloe is probably worried.”
“Time works differently here, it's probably only been a day or two since we teleported from hell.”
“That's not an answer, Blue.”
A metallic sigh resonates through the armour “I don’t know, could be years, we have an entire moon to search.”
Fallens displeasure is visible on his face, features drawn tight. He pauses and tries, damn it he tries to remember. But nothing works, it's as if within his own mind there's a gigantic door made of pure adamantine and he’s not strong enough to break it down as a weak human… but maybe with Blue. The thought crosses his mind but he isn’t certain, nothing better to do than ask.
“Hey Blue?”
“Yes?”
“Maybe there is a way for me to remember, I’ve been trying, and I found a… door, in my mind. It's locked and there's no way I could ever break it as I am, but maybe with your help.”
“Fallen, I promised I would only link for combat, and even then its surface level, If I linked that deep I would see everything.”
“I think that's better than me disappearing for a hundred years, we just don’t tell Chloe.”
“No”
“Why?”There's a pause and the sound of an artificial breath “... You, you might get to see in my memories as well.”
“I promise I won't go peeking Blue.”
“That's not what I'm worried about, it would happen whether you wanted to or not and its just… I don’t know what that would do to your mind.”
“What do you mean?”
“Im… a lot older than you probably thought, I genuinely don’t know how having my full experiences would affect you, if it's too intense your brain might mistake it for its own experiences, making you essentially think you’re me. Also, I have a lot of very unpleasant memories.”
“I… I’m tough Blue, I’m sure I can handle it. If I kept my core self even with everything I’ve been through It’ll be fine.”
“If you break I am not telling Chloe, it’s better for her if we just vanish than to get you back physically but not mentally.”
“I’m tough remember? It’ll be fine.”
Another metallic sigh, and then he felt as if warm water was trickling around the inside of his head. In a moment he was floating in a sea of black, it took him a moment to realise he was in his own mind… wait no, I am my own mind then what is?
“It's me” He heard, but not with his ears, it was the same tone as Blue but without the metallic backing.
“How, what do you mean it's you?”
“The space around you, also, can you try and think of a wall on your random thoughts or something? You're basically mentally shouting everything you think.”
“Oh fu-” A pause of silence “Did that work?”
“Yes, now, are you feeling ok? No pain or discomfort or… not you?”
“I feel fine? Why?”
“That's… really strange, this should be causing you at least a major headache, but you’re fine.”
“Told you I'm tough.”
“If you can take this so easily you might be the toughest person alive… mentally, physically it's still me.”
“What about Al? Or the gods?”
“Pfft, just you wait till you see what I did back when I was actually trying… and at full power”
Then the blackness recedes, and is replaced with thousands, tens of thousands, then millions of moving flashing images, it takes him longer than he’d like to admit that he’s viewing memories, and he can only imagine that Blue is looking through his as well. Somehow he can view all of the memories at once, and understand them, it's as if there's a trillion of him all connected to the same core. The feeling is odd.
Once he pays full attention to the memories to try and pass the time he comes to a lot of realisations. The first one he sees is of Blue as a human woman, average height with red hair and green eyes and she’s looking in a mirror, saying something in a language he both does and doesn’t understand. Seconds later he’s looking through her eyes as she attempts test after test, all of which contain things far more advanced than he has seen before but Blue is failing. Over and over, eventually she gets deemed ‘defective’ and given one option, become a soldier. So she does, as the other option is ‘reprocessing’ which is just code for murder.
He watches her life as she becomes an extremely skilled soldier, the other humans with her seem… wrong though, all of them are more intelligent than anyone he knows, even Chloe, but they are all selfish and cruel. Someone in training falls from exhaustion and no one goes to help but Blue, when she does the wounded man looks at her with complete and utter confusion.
Her life snapshots forward to her in combat with the other soldiers, she wields a strange weapon which she simply points and pulls a button, causing a beam of black light to fire out and obliterate the creature she was aiming at, it looked like a dragonborn to Fallen, but more… Human. It had patches of skin rather than scales and was closer to the size of the average human. They were fighting with the weapons he was familiar with, sword and shield stood no chance against the humans’ weapons.
He watched as Blue worked her way through the ranks, eventually gaining the highest rank possible with her ‘deficiency’ due to her military skill and prowess. Eventually her luck ran out and she was wounded severely, a large slash to her midsection before she was blasted with a facefull of fire. After that everything went black.
She woke up feeling different, she was floating in a strange liquid and her wounds were still there, but she was somehow alive, she could feel tubes in her arm and down her throat. Looking down she saw something horrible, her legs were dissolving and then being replaced with a strange black skeletal structure, she then felt the pain. It burned like nothing Fallen had ever felt, and he’d felt a lot of pain in his life.
He watched the process as her whole body was melted and replaced with this material, the worst part was when her brain was somehow morphed into the crystal he knows of now. Then he felt them build her new body out of odd materials, adding her own old organs back in but shrunken, drained and modified into something else.
When it was finally over she wasn’t she anymore, she was it. A monster of their creation, the ultimate weapon, designed to point at gods and demons alike. Blue had no autonomy, they couldn’t even move themselves. He watched as an athletic man with cold calculating eyes entered Blue, the revulsion they felt having someone inside controlling them against their will. He watched as Blue fought with a strength he hadn’t seen before, he watched as they fought monsters that he couldn’t dream of fighting, mountains were shattered in single blows, planets were irreversibly damaged by sustained combat. He even saw Blue take damage a few times, when fighting that world's dragon god, they healed almost instantly though.
And then he saw the day they won, every god was dead, every demon slain, even the sentient embodiments of concepts had been slain and replaced with machines. Blue was still unable to do anything but comply, killing gods as if it were a chore by the end due to the skills retained and that they seemed to simply keep getting stronger.
Fallen had to take a moment to collect himself as he continued watching as Blue, having served their person, was promptly placed in a chamber and simply left for several thousand years. This time was enough for them to eventually find a flaw in their design that they abused and gained self control. Once done, they shattered their containment of adamantine and magic as if it were glass, and turned all that power on their former race.
It was a slaughter, they had created Blue to be unbeatable, indestructible, unable to escape, avoid, or defend against… and they had succeeded. Blue killed trillions, as by this point they had taken over every planet in their universe by force. Eventually there was nothing left, and Blue found the moon he was currently on, locked outside of the effects of time, and simply watched the universe burn out.
Then a new universe was born… and then it died, and again, and again, and again. Nothing changed as Blue did wander on occasion to stop the eternal boredom and solitude, but he truly wouldn't wish that pain on his worst enemy. Eventually something did change, at a location he made very clear mental notes of a rip in space itself appeared, and out tumbled… him. It was himself but he looked different, less muscular, more scholarly as he immediately cast magic to protect himself from the vacuum of space. Fallen was a little embarrassed at how easily Blue had stalked him without him realising. Then he witnessed his and Blue’s meeting from Blue’s end, before witnessing his entire life as far as he could remember from Blue’s perspective.
“I really come close to dying a lot huh?”
“Far too often, yes, medically you actually did die a few times.”
“Oh, shit, we can still talk during this? Well I found what we’re looking for, how's things on your end?”
“I… I have seen fragments of your past, whoever shattered your memory was thorough, it doesn’t even seem like they targeted any memories other than one, and it was so severe they all were affected.”
“What was the memory they targeted?”
“I can’t see it, it's locked behind something I couldn’t even break in my prime… which is terrifying.”
“I know, you really were strong back then. Why can’t you do any of that now?”
“Not enough power, as you know I run on a specialised system that uses emotion, I was powered by my entire species through implants in their heads back then, now it's just you.”
“Ah, could we-”“No, I had to completely alter my powercore in order to form the symbiotic link with you so you wouldn’t age. It still locked me out of control of myself until Chloe fixed it, but I’m not smart enough to alter it again without risking my death, and by extension yours.”
“Ah, sorry I'm not… sustaining enough?”
“Don’t apologise, you’re already somehow more productive than a million of my original people, perhaps it’s because you can feel more than them due to their lack of empathy or compassion.”
“So I have a question, why when that other guy wore you did he never get hurt?”
“There are two main reasons, the first is he was extensively augmented, his durability was likely similar to Alzoreth, and the second is I have systems to protect my user from self harm, but they take more power than we produce now.”
“Is there a way for me to produce more power?”
There's a long pause, Blue is clearly hesitant on this. “Yes, but we aren’t doing it unless it’s life and death.”
“Why?”
“The process where I produce power is, in essence, me taking your emotions, using them in a complex system even I don’t understand, and then putting them back. It happens autonomously and is so quick neither of us can actually comprehend it. However, If I chose to not give those emotions back it would probably multiply the power created by a factor of ten. But during this time you would be emotionless, so we don’t do it unless there's literally no other option.”
“Agreed, let's see it then.”
Fallen and Blue continue their walk, Fallen moving one leg and Blue the other as they approach the location Fallen arrived. The walk takes several days with a rest every few hours for the sake of Fallens health, Blue suggests they rest longer each time but Fallen refuses.
Once they reach the arrival point it is rather obvious, there is a strange distortion in the air where Fallen arrived. It seems… wrong, and Blue is unable to perceive it.
“You’re telling me you don’t see that?!” Fallen exclaims as they near, with Blue adamantly stating nothing is there.
“There's nothing there to see! I have sensors that detect things completely imperceptible, but there's nothing there… wait.” They pause for a few seconds and halt all movement. “There's nothing there, I mean no light, no sound, no heat, no energy… just nothing. That's impossible!”
“I can see something, it's like the air… blurs a bit, it hurts to look at.”
“How much pain?”
“A seven” which is horrifying considering Fallen considers his mangled arm and leg to be a three.
“Shit… so what are we going to do about it?”
“Touch it.”
“Are you crazy?”
“Probably”
Then everything went black for Fallen, as Blue finds themselves suddenly empty, Fallen having reached out and touched the anomaly.
“Fallen?! FALLEN!!!”

I have been having issues with my skin for quite a while now but it all started with a sore on my breast. At the time I brought up breast cancer but I was assured it didn’t look like that and it was just a skin issue. When I got sores elsewhere this confirmed this in my mind. The sores are now really bad (maybe 1/5 of the skin on my breasts is open sores and have them all over my torso). They are not crazy deep but they are open and bleed and ooze. When the ones on my breasts got really bad I had my primary (at the time… I have since fired her) look at them and asked if they could be cancer. She didn’t do an exam or anything just looked at them from a few feet away but told me it didn’t look like cancer at all. Recently the ones on my breasts started to ooze green gunk. I got on an antibiotic prescribed by my dermatologist but that didn’t seem to help. My breasts have been sore for a while but I assume it was just because of the sores. Two days ago my right breast became so much more sore and the nipple was very sore as well (not something that had been happening). It was also warm to the touch. Went to my new primary’s office and the NP did an exam. Definitely an infection but was also worried about it possibly being breast cancer. She did a breast exam and she found a rather large lump she is concerned about. She reassured me that it might be nothing but we should do some testing. I am now freaking myself out.
What if it has been cancer this whole time? I should have pushed for testing even when doctors said it was fine and I didn’t need testing. It has been going on for so long. The sores are all over my torso and if they are related to an inflammatory breast cancer then that would mean it is at a later stage. I just keep running through all the worst case scenarios… which is stupid but I just can’t help myself. I don’t want to tell anyone because I don’t want anyone to worry and then it be nothing… so I just keep running through it in my head. So hence this post… try and get the words out so maybe they won’t be blocking up all the thoughts in my head.
(Also if you ever don’t trust your primary just on gut instinct…trust your gut. The primary I fired gave me the wrong info about everything I saw her for. I wasn’t improving and then finally went to a different provider who basically told me to do the opposite and I actually had some positive outcomes on relieving symptoms)

From the beginning...
Cast

Part 2, Chapter 8

Conferring briefly, Arthur strides across the bridge [1]. Before he gets halfway across, a voice rings out. “HALT. Come no further. We want nothing from you, and have nothing for you. Depart peaceably.” The voice is feminine, with a thick rural Damaran accent, not so dissimilar to Arthur’s.
Arthur comes to a stop. “We come in peace. We just want to know what is going on. We’re on a mission from the Council of Thanes in Ironspur. This is their forge.”
“No dwarves here. It’s ours now. You need know nothing more. Away!”
Arthur withdraws to the group, where suddenly Zander notices that Dillium has disappeared. One thing at a time. “Perhaps if we paid a toll.” Zander suggests.
“We’ll pay a toll to cross the bridge and converse.” Arthur booms.
“How much?”
“How much do you want?”
“Three figures. Leave it on the bridge.”
“We’ll give you a hundred pieces of silver.”
There is no reply. Through the haze of the heat and ash, the outlines of the people on the other side of the chasm appear to be lined up.
“Are you with the dragon?” Novos calls out.
“Of course not! He’s taken our people. Are you?”
“No. He stole our elf!” Zander calls out.
“We just want to look around,” Novos adds. He takes a few steps toward the bridge, but a dagger sails out of the darkness and misses Novos’ foot by … well, several feet.
“Go away!”
The argument goes back and forth. Daggers are thrown until the unknown assailant runs out or gets tired, then crossbow bolts are launched. Novos takes cover behind Zander, who good-naturedly holds his shield out in protection. After several shots, Novos makes out the shape of a shooter above and to his left. Aiming carefully, he fires back with his bow.
“Look, we’re coming across. I’ll give ten gold pieces to anyone who lays down arms and talks.” Novos announces.
“Don’t you dare!” the voice cuts through, though it looks like the shapes of people on the other side of the chasm are less decided. Several low conversations break out, and though nobody can make out the words, the tones range from willing to harsh.
Zander decides to take a position on the bridge. This of course means Novos is a clear target again, though it’s hard to make out anything through the haze and the crossbow bolts miss more frequently than they hit.
***
A pebble rolls across the floor and nudges Dillium’s foot. Looking around, she sees the redheaded young human put his finger to his lips in a universal "don't scream" gesture, then he beckons her over away from the party. Novos has disappeared again, and everyone else is intent on trying to see through the heat waves and ash rising from the river of red gelatinous goop. Zander or Felicity are busy arguing with the voice, so slipping away from the group, Dillium ducks around the corner with the man.
Up close, she sees he has a misshapen face and is slightly stooped. Looking at his eyes, she decides he sees poorly--if at all--from his left eye. His complexion is ruddy in a way that nearly obscures the freckles all over his face and neck, and his shocking red hair seems nearly too bright to be natural. Now that she gets a good look at him, Dillium thinks he might be near his thirtieth year. For all of being a bit hunch-backed, he doesn't seem to have any problem moving around. His low voice speaks to habitual whispering.
"You are of Ilmater? My gran said that a cleric in a horse-hair shirt saved his life after the battle at Goliad Ford [2]. He would give coppers to the monks that came through, and often gave them food. Can I trust you?"
The simple sincerity in his voice, and his look of concern and dread touch Dillium, and she nods. He beckons her further away from the group, but he doesn't seem to have any weapons on him so she follows. Slipping silently back through the rubble of the half-collapsed hall, the pair returns to the cell where the dead are still chained to the wall. He pays them no mind. He does leave the door open a sliver, though. Seating himself on the floor next to a burned-out fire, he speaks.
"My name is Febis. Look, I'm sorry for before. He doesn't like visitors, and I can't just go and tell the Hand that they can't use this place for their hide-out anymore. We only just got here when he showed up. He's not bad, once you get to know him. He sometimes brings me food if he killed too many sheep, and he doesn't come in this part of the cavern because he can't turn around right. Only you can't insult him or he gets very mad, and he sometimes can't control his temper. It really just would be better if you and your friends go."
Too many "he's" and "they's" for her to sort out. It's like Febis assumes she already knows who they all are. “Slow down, and start over,” Dillium says gently. “Who is ‘he’?”
Febis says that ‘he’ is a monstrous red dragon that calls himself The Mighty Flamestrike. He arrived in a blast of wind and a clatter of claws on the stone floor, and he made himself at home in the main hall. He likes the heat from the lava, and sometimes lays down on top of it, sinking slowly into it. During one of the recent earthshakes part of the roof caved in, and Flamestrike took up residence high up in some hollowed-out caves near the ceiling. Febis has never been up there, but Flamestrike sometimes leaves in the evening to go hunting, and returns before dawn.
Febis is a member of the Dread Order of the Ebon Hand, the most dangerous gang of bandits this side of the Assassin's Citadel. What do you mean you've never heard of them? They have been the most feared bandit gang in the country's history. Although, he hastens to add, he's only been with the gang since he left home in Helmsdale this spring. He hated being a farmer and he can't ride a horse [3] (and some of the soldiers made fun of him), so there really isn't anything else for him to do.
The Hand found the entrance to this cavern complex two or three months ago, and they moved in. It makes a great base to bandit from. Cletus says that it was carved out by dwarves. Fatima, the captain of the Hand, has been working on getting the place cleaned up, and is looking to be able to give everyone their own areas in which to live. That was easier before Flamestrike came along. Since his arrival, the Hand have been hiding in terror from the dragon, who sometimes plays with them "like a cat with a mouse", blowing fire down the corridor and making the whole complex shake. Fatima has been trying to get them to attack Flamestrike, but the last time they tried, Willie and Franso were badly burned and pelted with rocks dropping from the ceiling. Father Michael took days to heal them all the way back to health.
Febis himself was the second of the Hand caught by the dragon, but instead of eating him, the dragon talked to him, and made friends with Febis. Now Febis comes and goes as he pleases, but he knows that the dragon's temper is such that he could end up as a snack if he crosses The Mighty Flamestrike.
***
Novos does the thing where he disappears. Zipping across the chasm, he notes that there are nearly a dozen “thugs”, along with some armored war mastiffs. Bedrolls and a cot line one wall, and a makeshift cook stove is in the back corner. An archway leads off into the darkness. The thugs are not particularly ready for battle—they are indifferently armored and have a bevy of non-uniform weapons, but none of them have them raised as if they were ready to use them. There are several debates ongoing, and two of the thugs are wrestling.
Returning to the group, Novos quickly gives a report. Arthur asks Zander to move, and he leads the way across the bridge.
“CEASE!” A ripple flows through the Weave as a spell is cast, and the two wrestlers climb to their feed sheepishly. Before they know it, the entire party is on their side of the chasm, face to face.
“Go AWAY! WE DON’T WANT YOU HERE. You are invading our home!” A crossbow bolt accompanies the demand, but it misses everyone. Without the heat shimmer, Novos can finally make out his assailant through what appears to be an opening above and to the right of the large cave. She is peering out behind a large metal structure with carvings etched on it.
The thugs are still bickering amongst themselves to some extent, but only a few of them tentatively raise their weapons.
Another ripple in the Weave, and the thugs generally calm down, losing some of the edge in their bickering. Unfortunately, nothing calms the shooter, who manages to put a bolt into Novos. Novos shoots back, hitting the woman. In response, the several of the bandits reach out to stop Novos from attacking their captain.
***
“My friends and I are here at the request of the dwarves in Ironspur. They are worried that someone here was attempting to restart the forge, which is… haunted or something? They didn’t get into details. Have you seen it?”
"Forge? I don't know about that, but there is a big iron thingy up near where Fatima beds down. It kinda’ looks like something Jeran the Smith from my village might use. We don't do anything with it, but it's useful to put stuff on when we're eating. I mean, there's no chairs or nothin, but we can stand up and eat. Sometimes we just eat near the campfire, though."
"So, you aren't working the forge, or trying to craft things?" Dillium asks patiently.
"Gerk sometimes uses it to bang the dents of armor pieces, or to try to sharpen swords and stuff, but he doesn't have a hammer, so normally he just uses an iron bar to smack the back of armor piece. Sometimes it works."
Dillium explains that some of the people in Damara are worried about another war with Vaasa (“like the one with the Lich King”), and they are looking for allies who are willing to lend aid. Perhaps the Hand would like to assist?
Febis tells her in his own simple way that most of the men don’t want to be in a war. They’ve seen the soldiers in Helmsdale with their shiny armor and fancy horses, and they don’t have any of that stuff. “Being in a battle sounds dangerous. Besides, that sounds like we’d have to stop banditing, and that’s kinda’ fun sometimes. Maybe some of the guys might want to go legit, but Fatima just wants to keep us safe.”
“You know, the Hand could become an adventuring or mercenary group too. That way you all could be making money by completing different contracts. While it may not be as fun as being a bandit, it’s more sustainable for you all,” Dillium reasons.
"Don't you have to get a paper from the queen to be a mercenary group? And aren't those hard? I heard there was a group that had to fight like a whole lot of orcs once [4]. That's almost like being in a battle."
“Hmm. I guess I could see that, though there may come a time when you have to decide which side you’re on, just like your gran did.” After a pause to collect her thoughts, Dillium continues. She wonders aloud why the dragon likes Febis more than the others, and if there is a way to make everyone happy—to perhaps speak to Flamestike, to free the Hand from his torment, and for them to look over the forge for the dwarves.
"I don't know why he likes me more than the others. Maybe he's just lonely. Maybe it's on account of my hair being the same color as he is. Maybe it's because I don't call him names and stuff. Sometimes he comes out and talks to me about his brothers and how he's going to get his revenge on them all some day. Delfus used to talk to me that way when we lived in Helmsdale. His pa used to beat him when he didn't milk the cow in the morning, or dropped the egg basket. Delfus and I are good friends. He's the one who convinced me to join the Hand."
“What happened with his brothers that makes him want revenge on them? Who are his brothers?” Despite her need to keep on track, Dillium’s curiosity overcomes her.
"Oh, he doesn't like to talk about them. I guess brother stuff? I only have sisters, and they are annoying. Perhaps they called him names, or didn't want to use his whole name. Maybe they fart in the nest. Do dragons have nests? I heard that they lay eggs..."
***
Wordlessly, the party springs into action. There is a ripple in the Weave, and half of the bandits fall to the floor in a deep slumber, their war dogs with them. Arthur strides through the sleeping bodies to one who didn’t go down, and he slashes him from shoulder to hip. Momentarily surprised, the man falls to the floor, lifeless. His dog growls. Zander steps forward to face off against two other bandits. Two quick slashes and they fall to the floor. Novos disappears, then makes his way up to the opening where the crossbow shooter is taking aim at Felicity. She misses. The remaining bandit gestures, the Weave ripples from him, and a bolt of light streaks across the room to smash into Arthur’s back. The dog snaps at Arthur but misses. Novos reappears and stabs the crossbow-wielding woman in the back. Enraged, she pulls out a saber and slashes in vain at Novos. Before Novos can stab her again, Felicity pulls out a wand and fires an arc of electricity at the woman, killing her. The one-sided battle is over.
Quickly, Arthur and Zander bind up the four slumbering bandits and their war dogs. Felicity reaches into her purse and slides some gold into each of their coin pouches.
***
Novos peers around. He’s seen forges before, and this looks something like one, except instead of a standard coal-fired furnace, there is a trickle of red-hot lava, dribbling down a hole in the wall and forming a small rivulet through a makeshift furnace before falling off down the side of the cavern wall and into the lava river below. The forge area is cleaned out. There are pegs on the walls, presumably for tools, but they are bare, as are a pair of stout metal tables. Shrugging, Novos heads down a set of stairs and through a dark hallway. Some distance down, he spies a darker alcove, and in that alcove, a doorway. Pushing open the door, he sees bags, boxes, and barrels. One bag has conveniently fallen over, spilling its contents of coins onto the floor. “Hey! I found something!” He shouts.
***
"He doesn't much like visitors. I don't think he wants to talk to anyone. It's too bad they can't get along. Maybe The Mighty Flamestrike could go out with the Hand and help them find wagons to bandit, and then perhaps he could eat the horses after we bring the wagons back and get all the stuff? I don't think he wants to do that, though. It would be nice if all my friends could get along. Fatima would love to have a real dragon helping. I bet we could bandit like two wagons at a time!"
Dillium responds. "If we could help the Hand find a new place to live, how would they get out without ... Flamestrike—"
Febis interrupts. "The Mighty Flamestrike. He likes you to use his whole name."
"Fine, the mighty Flamestrike--"
"No, no. You're not doing it right. You have to use the whole thing. The Mighty Flamestrike. Here, you try it. The Mighty Flamestrike."
"The Mighty Flamestrike."
"Good! I knew you was smart!" Dillium sighs heavily.
"So, if my other friends and I could find a new place for the Hand to live, and perhaps a job so they could go legit, how would they get out of here without The Mighty Flamestrike eating them?"
"I suppose they could wait until he goes out to hunt, then leave real quick like in the middle of the night. He wouldn't be here to eat them, and if they went far away before dawn he wouldn't get them."
"You keep saying 'they'. Wouldn't you want to go with the Hand?"
"Yeah! I mean, I would be sad that The Mighty Flamestrike wouldn't have any friends left. Maybe he would let me come back and visit him?"
“I don’t really understand why he keeps the Hand here if he doesn’t like them.. but I am sure that he would be happy to have a friend like you visit him if the Hand does leave. It does seem like it would be lonely here in the mountains by himself…” Dillium trails off, waiting on a response.
“I think he lets the Hand stay here for something to do, but he really doesn't keep them here. They are just ascared of him on account of the breathing fire and all.
“I think I would like to come and visit him sometimes. Maybe I could bring him a sheep. He likes sheep."
***
Just as they are finishing tying up the bandits, they begin to wake. “Wha… what happened?” One of them sees Zander puling the dead and bleeding bodies off to the side. “Murderers! You murdered them!” “They killed Willie!” “You Bastards!” “Look, they murdered the Captain!”
“Arthur addresses them. “Hush. You are alive. That is enough. You attacked us, and we responded.”
“You murdered them in cold blood!” one of the braver bandits spits.
“If your captain is now dead, who’s the new captain of your company?” Zander asks.
“uh…..”
“Cletus!” “What? I don’t want—” “Cletus is!” “But I don’t—”
“Fine. Do you give your parole? If so we shall untie you.” Arther towers above the one that responded as Cletus.
“I don’t even have a payroll yet. How do I…” Felicity unties the group. Climbing to their feet, they leave the ropes on the ground. Blood coats the floor from the dead, and Zander’s dragging activity has spread around even more blood.
“Hey! I found something!” shouts Novos. His voice sounds like it comes from the archway to the left. Arthur tells Felicity and Zander to stay with the bandits while he goes to see what is the matter.
***
Dillium pauses for a second.
“Febus… are you by any chance the Mighty Flamestrike?”
"Me? No! He's my friend. He's big and beautiful and scary and eats people. I'm just... me. Besides, he's all big and scaly. I'm not scaly!" He pauses a moment.
"Sometimes I dream about flying, though."
“Ah, sorry. It’s just that the Mighty Flamestrike isn’t the only dragon we’ve encountered in our journey. I know you’ve said plenty of times before that the Mighty Flamestrike doesn’t like visitors and after what happened I understand. I’d like to apologize to him on behalf of my friends.” Dillium takes a deep breath. “They attacked him… do you think he’ll let me try to heal him? Being able to create some form of middle ground between us all would be beneficial, don’t you think? I may be able to convince my party to leave…”
"It's ~T~he Mighty Flamestrike. You have to say his name right if you ever want to talk to him." Febis mutters under his breath, "Man, I thought elfs were supposed to be smart."
"Anyway, they attacked The Mighty Flamestrike? And they're still alive? How many of them got burned up? How can you heal a big giant dragon like that? I thought they had to have an arrow in them or something for you to heal him? If he's hurt he's probably going to be very cross indeed. I don’t know if he will want to talk at all, but I guess we could try..."
“Well, there’s no harm in trying right? Do you think you can try to help me meet The Mighty Flamestrike?”
"There IS harm in trying. If he's mad, he'll just fire us, and fire us good. Or drop us in the hot rocks. He can do that. I could see if he wants to come down, but I don't know if he will."
“If you could please, that would mean a lot to me… I can meet him on my own unless you’d like to join me, but if you’re worried about getting flamed then I don’t blame you. I’d like a chance to right the wrongs that have happened today. Perhaps we should meet him in a room more accessible for him…”
***
Arthur appears in the doorway as Novos looks around the dimly lit room. “Loot! I’m sure this will pay some bills.”
“We’ll need to figure out how to get all this out of here—”
“Ahem.” A voice from behind Arthur. “I’ll have you know that this is the lawfully acquired possessions of the Hand, and are not for you to go carting it all off. I know exactly how much is in here, and I won’t see you take a copper, do you hear! We know our rights!”
Arthur pinches the bridge of his nose. This has the makings of an even longer day.
A couple of the remaining members of the bandits pile into the room. “Hey! Keep your hands off our stuff. It’s ours!”
Arthur turns on his heel and heads back toward the main room, but … something isn’t right. The wall along the corridor is caved in, but there’s something… odd. Climbing up on top of the pile, he notices heat and light coming through a crack. He pulls some rubble away and can clearly see another room beyond.
“Hey, that stuff in there is ours, too!” Cletus says.
***
"Oh, he won't go any further than the main hall. He doesn't want to get stuck, and he can't turn around very well in the smaller rooms." Febis pauses for a moment. "How will you keep from getting fired? He might be very angry."
Dillium pats his arm. “I’ll figure something out.”
"I could go out and call him and see if he will come down, I guess."
“To be completely honest Febus the only thing I have to protect myself from the flames is hope and faith. Is the main hall where the rest of my friends are? I have instinctual knowledge that if they are there then this whole plan won’t work… I really do appreciate you doing this for me. It’s very kind of you.”
"Is instinctual knowledge some fancy elf thing, or a fancy priest thing?”
“Hmm I would say the instinctual knowledge has come from spending nearly every waking moment of my journey so far with roughly the same people… their habits are frighteningly predictable and in some cases, suicidal.”
Febus nods. “Do you need to rest, or uhm... eat a last meal or something?"
Dillium sighs. “While rest and a meal would be great, I fear that time is not our friend.”
***
Pulling enough of the rubble away to fit his bulk through, Arthur scrapes his armor on the rock as he slides down into the next room. This one is very hot, and is dimly lit by a seeping pool of lava in the corner. After a moment, Novos slides down next to him. “Whatcha find?” he asks unnecessarily.
A head pokes up from the lava. Then another. Sensing fresh food, a group of bulky snake-like creatures slither out of the lava pool and make their way over to Arthur and Novos. Soundlessly they attack. Arthur slashes, but is badly burned by the heat given off by the creatures. Novos too tries to slash with his dagger, but the heat is too much. He falls back behind Arthur. Arthur calls out for aid, and with a mighty hack and a movement of the Weave, a tremendous roar of thunder smashes through the snakes, temporarily deafening everyone, including the two bandits who have followed.
“All our stuff.” Cletus intones when he can hear again.
***
“What was that?” Felicity asks in alarm.
“Dunno. Let’s find out,” Zander replies. The two race toward the pile of rubble in the corridor.
***
Febis stands. "If you're sure I can't talk you out of it..." He opens the door and steps through it.
Suddenly a huge thunder blast echoes through the cavern. It is definitely not a cave-in, or the clash of rock on ... anything, but rather the sound of a huge lightning strike hitting nearby. The sound is briefly deafening. It sounds like it came from the cavern where the Hand was last seen, rather than the direction of the main hall. There's the sound of distant yelling from the same direction.
Febis is startled. He looks off in the direction of the party (and his friends). "Oh, that's not good." Moments later, there is a roar from the direction of the main hall. "Very not good."
“Febis I believe you and I share the very same sentiment there- Uhhh change of plans. Let’s make sure our friends here don’t kill each other. Stay close to me, sound good?”
***
The eight humans look around. Apart from the lava pool and the very hot corpses of the snake creatures (everyone moves away from them), the room contains what Arthur, Novos and Zander identify as grave goods. They are similar to the urns, carvings, and paintings in the tomb they invaded in Ironspur. In fact, there is a fancy dwarven sarcophagus and an ornate hammer atop. Across is the carved family tree that stretches for nearly a thousand years, ending nearly three centuries before (in the dwarven calendar). Taking it all in, Arthur’s eye catches on some oddity. A misalignment of patterns on one wall. “Secret door,” he says. Novos checks quickly for traps, then pushes open the door.
Inside, two carved stone dwarves shamble to life. Raising their bronze axes, they silently stalk toward Novos and Arthur as Zander and Felicity look on in horror.
***
Grabbing Febis by the hand, Dillium quickly but cautiously makes her way back down the corridor. She passes through the outer chamber with the well that leads down to lava, and sees the rickety wooden bridge over the chasm that is still producing heat haze and ash. Nobody is visible on the other side. Quickly she slips across the bridge and into chaos.
Blood covers the floor. The dead bodies of several of the Hand, along with their war mastiffs, are pushed over to one side. Several ropes cut into ten or twelve foot lengths lie on the floor. Looking around, she sees a large room. A campfire and makeshift cooking stove are in the far corner. Bedrolls and a cot line one wall. There's what appears to be some sort of shrine along the back wall. An archway on the opposite wall leads off into darkness.
"DELFUS! What happened?" Febis runs over to the corpse of his childhood friend, slashed from shoulder to hip by a single broad stroke. The last of his blood pools on the floor, but the blood strewn across the floor makes it very much appear that he and the others were dragged from another part of the room. "And Gerk! And Father Michael!" Tears pour down Febis' face as he comes to grips with the loss of his only (human) friends, apparently savagely butchered. Sitting down on the cold floor oblivious to the standing blood, Febis cradles the lifeless head of his friend.
Meanwhile, the muffled sounds of battle are heard through the open archway.
"I thought you were going to be my friend," Febis cries to Dillium bitterly.
Dillium quickly checks the bodies. All have been dead for ten or fifteen minutes, beyond a simple revival. Dillium leaves Febis to his grief and dashes toward the open archway. On the other side is a moderately-sized room with rubble strewn around. It appears that one wall has collapsed. There is a hole at the top where some of the rubble has been pushed away, leaving a man-sized space to squeeze under the lintel of a hidden doorway. There is a dim red light (so, more lava), and voices. Dillium hears the sound of metal on stone and the grunts of men in battle. Scampering lightly up the pile of loose stones and rubble, she scootches through the hole at the top, sliding down the other side. There she finds several unknown people who are watching Arthur, Zander, and Novos in battle. As she arrives, the last of some sort of animated stone statues crumble to pebbles. Arthur's armor is scorched down one side, and he limps slightly. Novos is barely on his feet, and as Dillium arrives, he sinks to his knees, panting. Zander sheathes his sword, and Felicity puts away a wand. Three grubby men and what might charitably be called a woman (under many layers of dirt and grime) stand around, unarmed.
"Now you remember, all this is the lawful property of our company. You don't go gettin light fingers now," says one of the Hand in the most "southern drawl" Damaran accent ever.

End of Chapter 8

[1] Based very loosely on Fire Forge Caves by Dungeon Baker in FiveE magazine https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/367470/fivee-magazine-august-2021
[2] https://forgottenrealms.fandom.com/wiki/Ford_of_Goliad
[3] The duke has a company of cavalry barracked just outside Helmsdale.
[4] Probably too far away for it to have been the party, back when they were called Dragon Force in Chapter 32. On the other hand, maybe it was?

Pre-surgery I lurked a lot on this thread and admittedly FREAKED myself out a lot BUT it did make me do a lot of prep work pre-surgery that I think ultimately made recovery a lot better and just wanted to share!
I’m 26F on day 8 of recovery from my tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy on 5/9/24. I’m honestly doing surprisingly well and was even able to eat pizza (sans crust) and honey hot wings without any issues today.
I want to emphasize that this has fucking sucked but I wouldn’t change my decision to have this surgery. While I did not have frequent illnesses or tonsil stones due to my tonsils I did have mild obstructive sleep apnea due to my tonsil size which my ENT said were large both from the front and the top (from the nasal scope). Already I feel less crowdedness in my throat and am able to breathe so much more easily.
I’ve keep a consistent schedule with pain medication, much more Vicodin in the beginning but by day 4 I was able to transition to mostly ibuprofen and tylenol and just doing Vicodin before bed and again 5.5 hours later (getting me around 10 hours of decently pain free sleep.) Set alarms, have caretakers set alarms, set back up alarms and strictly follow those alarms. The only times I was in excruciating pain were the times that I overslept an alarm or forgot a dose of medication, which only happened twice. The liquid forms of ibuprofen and tylenol have been amazing. Getting ready for sleep I would take the Vicodin (in applesauce), drink as much fluids as I could, then I would spray my throat with the mucinex instasoothe spray, put my ice pack on, prop myself up in a comfortable spot and then drift off.
In the comfort list I mentioned pillows, humidifiers and ice packs. Make a lil pillow nest 10/10, it’s hard to get comfortable so having a lot of different points to be able to adjust helps, especially when propping yourself upright ends up being the most comfortable position to sleep in. From the get go I had a cool mist humidifier running 24/7 which helped prevent dry mouth/nose and has definitely helped with healing and pain, I highly recommend this. I also bought an ice pack head wrap with extra ice packs to have fully frozen ones on hand at all times, this helped a lot with managing the pain.
No one warned me about not being able to blow my nose, sneeze, cough or clear my throat— this is me warning you. No matter how much it feels like you have to, you can’t, this is annoying. To help with this my ENT (who told me this only after surgery) recommended I avoid dairy as much as possible to prevent excessive mucous production.
The other thing people did warn about but I didn’t want to believe was the taste. It’s vile. It doesn’t go away until the scabs start going away. Which for me started on day 6 and by day 8 (today) the scabs are almost completely gone and with them the taste is gone too. I spent 6 days doing everything in my power to not think about the taste. I hated drinking regular water bc it just made the taste worse, so I took the less healthy route of drinking anything with flavors to mask the taste, it was a concession I was happy to make. That being said, swallowing hurts, just keep at it, the more you do it the less it hurts, again set alarms, stay hydrated it’s important.
I’ve seen a lot of mixed feedback on here about brushing your teeth but I asked my ENT and he said it’s fine as long as you don’t hit the back of your throat, which people normally don’t do anyways. For me brushing my teeth has been the best, it makes your mouth feel so much better and helps a ton with the god awful cauterized flesh taste.
As for food, I kept to jello, popsicles, broths, applesauce and my other fluids the first few days, by day 3 I was able to eat instant mashed potatoes and by day 4 I was doing mac and cheese and heartier soups. Today is day 8 and as I said I was able to do pizza and wings!
For drinks, like I said, hated the taste in my mouth so I did everything I could to mask it. I’ve been drinking a lot of water with liquid IV and a lot of Gatorade. I have a pebble ice maker, but you can buy bags of it from sonic, pebble ice is so nice to chew on and have in drinks.
Again, this has sucked, but honestly recovery has flown by (not sure if it’s the pain meds or the excessive amount of sleep) but it’s going by quickly and I’m very happy I did it and would make the same choice again.
Best of luck if you’re pre-surgery and reading this thread. You’ve got this!
List of everything:
Food - I premade a fuck ton of jello in different flavors, popsicles, sorbet, sherbet, Jamba Juice with protein, instant mashed potatoes, knorr pasta sides, Annie’s Mac and cheese (I went easy on the milk), applesauce, miso soup and chicken noodle soup/chicken broth (with both soups the early days I did strain out anything in it bc I was paranoid about things getting stuck in my throat) — I did buy protein yogurt drinks, pudding, and ice cream but I did end up AVOIDING those to prevent excessive mucous
Drinks - ice water, water with liquid IV, watered down apple juice, Gatorade, slushies, smoothies, lots and lots of pebble ice
Medication - prescription hydrocodone (which insurance would NOT fill the liquid form of because apparently they know better than my doctor and felt big pills would be better for me after the surgery… in my throat… :-) so wise) I crushed the pills up and ate them with applesauce, children’s liquid ibuprofen, children’s liquid tylenol, mucinex instasoothe sore throat and pain relief
Comfort things - pillows, a cool mist humidifier, head ice pack wrap with extra ice pack inserts

VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED. There is some gore, nothing to descriptive, but if you have a weak stomach maybe pass on this one.
ALSO: This is a first draft, will post the revised one later.
Adonis came from a backwater mining world that had maintained much of its mining equipment and a base level of industry during the age of strife. Adonis lived a relatively uneventful life on this planet, being the only child to two parents who had gone missing when he was twelve, he would enter the mines earlier than most, but only slightly as although technically mining jobs could only be conducted by those older than eighteen, however through necessity children as young as thirteen would entire the mines to help sustain their families. These younger workers would be given relatively safer jobs compared to the older workers, monitoring equipment and other surface operations as examples. Even still this labor was backbreaking, and would more often than not result in the early demise of many inhabitants of this planet.
On his first day in the mines, Adonis would be paired with a girl who was fifteen years old, slightly taller than him, who stood at 4’11” at the time. She had short, light brown hair, and a thin but muscular build. They were trained on how to monitor the Auto-miner machine, and who to contact if anything went wrong. They were then given some time to get acquainted with one another before beginning their work. The girl introduced herself first.
“Hello, my name is Roleru, I look forward to working with you”, she responded with more enthusiasm than a young teen forced into the mines should.
“Adonis, and likewise”, He responded a bit hesitant. He was not looking to make friends. He barely wanted to be working, let alone in a mine, he would work there no longer than he had to, then he would find better work elsewhere. Adonis was still confused about where his parents had gone, and why they had left him behind
After this they were led down into the mines, making small talk on the rusty service elevator, and it turns out she was an only child as well. They shared a lot in common, her father had died in a mining accident, and her mother was unable to work due to worsening illness. She was working to support both her mother and herself, She seemed relatively upbeat despite a life of tragedy. Maybe he could learn from her, and piece back together his recently shattered life. In this rusted mine elevator a friendship was born, and many days they would start their days talking to each other on this elevator. Their main job was to monitor a large mining machine, and if anything goes wrong to immediately hit the emergency shutdown. This machine was larger than any Adonis had seen, towering over him and with many large grinding wheels to slowly break down rocks into progressively smaller chunks, until they are eventually spit out onto a long conveyor belt. An observation catwalk overlooked this series of crushers, with simple metal railings, and a solid metal floor to prevent any dropped materials from potentially damaging the equipment. They were shown to the cabin, where a vast array of displays and buttons could be found, and one large red button in a plastic case with the panel behind it painted a surprisingly vibrant yellow considering the dirty state of everything, and above it set on a background of hazard stripes the word “Emergency Shut-Down” could be seen in distinct red lettering. The operator that led them here initiated the machine to start up, and their work began in this cramped cabin where Roleru and Adonis would become practically siblings, with Roleru practically becoming Adonis’ older sister.
About 3 years of this work would go by in the blink of an eye, Adonis now fifteen is the same age as Roleru was when she started working in the mines. Now that Roleru could officially work in the mines, she would be given more training on how to actually operate the machine she had monitored for so long. Adonis was so proud of his big sister they celebrated that night, getting some slightly higher quality rations to have a feast that night. Any decent quality food was a real commodity on (insert planet name here).
However, the happy times wouldn’t last, as a couple of months later Roleru’s mother would die due to her illness. Although she would return to a happier mood after properly grieving, she never seemed quite the same to Adonis. They would continue to work in the mines together as they always had, now with no technician to accompany them to start the equipment. Together they would continue to grow closer, practically inseparable at this point, Roleru found a lot of comfort in Adonis’ presence which was sorely needed when she was grieving.
During this entire time Adonis would look for his parents in his free time, following any leads he could find. He would discover at the same time of Roleru’s mother’s passing that his parents had also passed in a mining accident, operating the same machine he and Roleru were working with. This fact would linger in the back of his mind at work from then on, disturbed by the potential lethality of the machine he interacted with daily.
Another 3 years would pass, Adonis and Roleru would continue to grow together. Moving in together, as any family should, and for financial reasons. Adonis, now 18, had recently finished his training on mining machine operation and maintenance. Roleru, now 21, had prepared the same high quality rations they had when she was promoted for that night's dinner. However, tragedy would strike during the workday, as Roleru would slip on the catwalk of the machine while it was in operation, and fall into the crushing gears. Adonis would immediately hit the emergency stop. As the loud machine whirred down, there was still energy in the gears, they would slow to a stop in the silence, but in the silence there was a sickening wet ripping sound, followed by a desperate pained scream. Adonis would quickly call for help before going down to help Roleru, however the sight he saw in the maw of this great devourer was horrifying. The entrails of his sister decorated the grinding gears like some sick and twisted form of party streamers, and the blood oh god the blood. Adonis could hear pained groans and he quickly scrambled to find the rest of Roleru. He would find her shortly after he began searching.
“No. no no no no. Stay with me! Help is on the way, you’ll be okay”, Adonis pleaded with Roleru.
“Sorry cough cough I guess I was too careless” Roleru responded, blood rolling out of her mouth. Internal bleeding, or is it external in this case? Ah semantics don’t matter, thought Adonis. The light was already fading from her eyes, unsurprising for the amount of blood loss, and the gore.
“NO! Don’t leave me, don’t leave like they did.” Adonis pleaded with a raspy voice through choked sobs, unsure of when he started crying. “Please stay with me, you promised you would.” He held her close, trying to comfort her in any way he could while desperately trying to stop the bleeding before the medical team arrived.
“I’m so sorry, I wish I could stay with you longer.”, Roleru said calmly, though the tears rolling down her face betrayed her true emotions. “I’ll always be with you in spirit.”
With that final statement she died in his arms, he would clutch the gorey remains of his sister, screaming and crying until the medical team arrived. They had to peel him off of her remains, essentially dragging him out of the mine for the day, on his walk back to their shared home, he would see a strange looking official giving a speech he only overheard part of it and he was only vaguely paying attention.
“From this day forward you will pay a tithe to the Imperium of man”, the official stated. A new ruler? Happens all the time, nothing to worry about Thought Adonis, little did he know this announcement would soon turn his already tumultuous life upside down.
He entered the hab building, and saw the two ration packets set out on the table, along with a small rectangular box. Adonis opened it, his hands still caked in Roleru’s blood. Inside was a simple silver locket, containing a photo of the two of them 3 years ago, celebrating Roleru’s promotion. Clutching the locket Adonis would fall to his knees and cry. An hour later Adonis would fall asleep, exhausted after showering. He would wake up the next morning, finding the two ration packets still uneaten on the counter.
After eating some breakfast and heading out for work, Adonis would notice something attached to the door of their hab unit.
It reads: Draft notice, You have been drafted to serve the Emperor of mankind. Report to the imperial guard training facility in 2 hours (live updated).

2 hours? Emperor of man, how conceited can one be? Oh well, it doesn't sound like I have a choice. Adonis would change his course, notifying his overseer at work before locating the Imperial guard training center. Little more than a temporary tent, it would appear there are other recruits here as well. A group of nine others were also waiting, clearly also drafted. After a bit of small talk with the other recruits, a man in olive green flak armor, a string of numbers on a plate attached on his left breast clearly some form of ID, wearing a helmet of the same color with a gold skull on the forehead. Walked out of the tent and immediately commanded the attention of all the recruits present. The man spoke in a gravelly voice, “I am Sargent Gordel, And I will make all of your lives hell over the next six weeks. You will have exactly one minute to make calls to get your affairs in order, after that you belong to the Imperial army." With that he turned and walked back into the tent, the recruits panicked at first, then followed him after a short while. That was 6 months ago, and as Adonis sat in some god forsaken trench during a particularly brutal compliance, he had wished for the thirtieth time that day that this was all some horrible nightmare. Alas it was not, he had been stationed on the frontlines, fighting against some technologically advanced humans that used bladed drones to devastating effect. Adonis was not particularly skilled at warfare, his aim was middling, his hand to hand skills less than perfect, and he had no mind for command. However, his previous work had him communicating a lot. This skill in both verbal communication, and communication equipment landed him a job as a vox-caster in his squad, lead by Sargent Gordel. Adonis disliked Gordel, a man of hubris and little talent in leadership. However, due to his role in communications Adonis had to be in close to proximity to the man during all waking hours. Ever since he had received the special vox-caster helmet he kept it on, only taking it off to eat. Adonis felt safe enclosed in his helmet, the constant line of communication meaning he could prepare for any future curveballs that might turn his life upside down, so that what happened after that horrible day will never happen again. Adonis would never be caught off guard again, or so he thought. As this compliance continued, Adonis was hearing fewer fellow vox-casters every day, until nobody responded on short-range communications one day. Alone, Adonis and his squad were all that was left in the trench line. As a forward position high casualties were to be expected, but they hadn’t been reinforced in weeks. Adonis had been given a faulty long-range vox, so he often had to make trips down the trench to the nearest squad to communicate with high command. During his last trip Adonis had heard that surrender of the planet was currently being negotiated, but in the meantime to keep fighting, that was days ago. During his trips down these lines he would often pass segments where the guardsmen had either been butchered by the drones, or fled the battlefield. He was envious of those who fled, but he would feel responsible for the deaths of his comrades if he left them to die. Today Adonis would try to retrieve a long-range vox to talk with high command. Shells were still falling on enemy positions, so they weren't abandoned. An assault on the trenches happened last night, it took 30 minutes of walking for Adonis to reach the next position, all he found there was a puddle of gore, and if he hadn’t known humans were here before, there was no way to identify what organism this pile of entrails used to be now. It sickened him, but he kept moving, not lingering on the thoughts of his past. It would take hours to find a usable long-range vox. It would take more hours to return, but in the meantime he used the vox to get updated on the situation. 

“This is vox-master Adonis in the first trench, position 38. Looks like my squad might be the last one left. High-command please respond.” Adonis hailed, hoping to hear back soon.
It would take 30 minutes for a response, but it came nonetheless. “We read you Adonis, this is High-command vox-master Gunther. How the hell are you guys still alive, the last report we got from the forward trench was 4 days ago. Anyways, peace has been reached and will go into effect tomorrow at dawn, until then keep fighting and we’ll come get you.” The man responded in a shocked voice.
“Copy command, I had to scavenge a long-range vox from a dead squad, mine has been faulty since we landed here. Thanks for the update, I will let the rest know when I get back.” Adonis replied, relieved that he would soon get to leave this hellscape. In the meantime he slowly made his way back to his position.
After hours of slowly progressing through the byzantine trench system, and hearing the wet squelch of viscera beneath his boots more often than not he finally made it back to his position. To his surprise everyone was still alive. After explaining what he heard over the vox to Gordel, Gordel called the other 9 people in the trench.
“Our vox-master has explained to me that we need to hold out until morning. Then this compliance will be over. Do you think you pansies are up to the task?”, Gordel asked, clearly just trying to raise morale.
“YES SIR!”, the squad responded loudly. Hope was something that had been in short supply in the trenches for weeks. To hear there was finally a light at the end of the tunnel made them all ecstatic. However the next 12 hours would be hell.
The first three were spent by the 11 people discussing what they would do on leave, then as the sun set, the next three hours were spent nervously watching the enemy trench. As midnight approached, metallic skittering could be heard across no man’s land. The drones were being used to secure one last victory by some egotistical commander on the other side, to break one full trench line before peace had officially started. At first it was a few, not even making it to the trench as the Guardsmen gunned them down with ease, but as 6 a.m. crept closer, the assault intensified.
Eventually these drones were leaping into the trenches, the 11 people gunned them down, but more took their place, eventually people were being butchered right in front of Adonis, reminding him of his friend's fate. Adonis was sickened by the site of it but swallowed back the bile that had risen in his throat, Gordel was the last to die, ripped apart limb from limb right before Adonis, he gunned the three drones down but by the time he had Gordel was dead, Adonis may not have liked him, but to die like that, Gordel had his sympathies. As Adonis fought on he wondered when the sun would rise, how much longer would he have to fight these horrid engines, designed to kill in the cruelest way imaginable. Adonis did his duty and reported each casualty as they happened over long-range vox. The fighting never seemed to end, he had to pick up his comrades weapons multiple times as he kept running out of ammo.
After what seemed like an eternity the hues of violet and indigo that signified the sun was soon to rise appeared in the sky, and after only 30 more minutes of desperately trying to hold on to his life the drones in the trench suddenly stopped, climbed out and marched back to the other trench line. After this Adonis reported to high-command.
“This is vox-master Adonis, the fighting is over. 10 casualties, I’m all that's left.” Adonis reported grimmly. Exhaustion evident in his voice.
“This is High-command Vox-master Gunther. We hadn’t heard from you in a couple of hours so we thought you were dead. Frankly, the fact that you’re alive is a miracle.” Gunther responded incredulously.
“Is that so?” Adonis responded without any emotion, too exhausted to care.
“Well problem is we canceled evacuations to that trench. I’ll go talk to someone higher up. In the meantime sit tight.” Gunther responded.
Adonis would trudge out of the trench. Seeing a hill, not crater pocked and covered in grass with a large, flat rock on top. Adonis would make his way over to this hill, and sit atop the rock, feet pressed together as he took his vox-caster helmet off. His face covered in sweat, he can see how utterly covered in the blood of his comrades he is. Sickened by this fact and given his reprieve, he ejects what little remains in his stomach. Tears stream down his face as he questions how much longer he’ll be in this army, how many others will he see turned to paste, and why he decided to fight instead of joining his Roleru in the afterlife.
His mental breakdown is set to the backdrop of a beautiful sunset, he has calmed down by the time a gleaming purple transport pulls up to the trench line. A tall woman in purple armor steps out, white hair flowing down her shoulders, with piercing purple eyes. She scans for something before setting eyes on Adonis.
She calls out to him, “Vox-master, your transport awaits.” Adonis walks to the transport, not bothering to go back to the trench. After the imposing, yet elegant woman climbs into the transport after him, the doors close and it speeds off.

This is my second au pair. My first one was amazing. It was hard moving on and selecting another one after a successful contract. We still chat and consider her family. The second one ….I feel so insane.
We interviewed her many times and seemed like a perfect fit. Gets here and the second night I am out buying this girl who is crying her eyes out that she got ghosted Plan B. She reports she has no experience with children whatsoever and only agreed to match with us because of some dude she met online…who now ghosted her. Ive called off 4 times in 10 days for my nursing job because she cant handle it. She put a glass jar in the garbage disposal thinking it would grind it. She recked my car, she broke a window, she broke one of the showers….the list goes on to even leaving the children unattended. I feel insane….im post partum, my spouse is deployed, the au pair gets into screaming matches with my preteen. English is her first language. She reports she hates children…..I am loosing my complete mind …..I cannot tolerate this anymore and the agency says to keep giving her more time to adjust…..I finally snapped today when my manager asked me to considered quitting since I cant keep up with a work schedule anymore…..my daycare spots where filled and I regret so much going the au pair route. I feel suicidal as this monster makes a mess of my house and mind. She is always bitching about how she only had one kid school age kid with her previous match and only 15 hours of work. She constantly makes rude comments how childcare isnt her thing and she would rather help out elsewhere…..I dont need a maid….I needed a qualified child care provider. People like her makes me wonder about those stories you hear. Oh today “im sorry I wasnt watching your 3 year old and I guess he fell down the stairs and yeah thats why he has a black eye and bruising and a massive nose bleed” let me get this straight 💁🏽‍♀️ I feel defeated really really defeated .

Well I took the first step anyway. I just passed the 48hr mark. (49hrs and 30min but who’s counting? lol) It’s a little after 9pm here and I just got home from the gym.
For a few months there at the end of 2023 I was on a good routine. I was working out 3hrs a day, 5-6days a week. I was eating healthy and losing weight. I didn’t drink if there was an opportunity to train the next day, so I basically only drank on Saturdays and some Sundays. Didn’t have cravings, didn’t get fucked up.
Then in January I got injured. And some emotional bullshit happened. And so I couldn’t train and I couldn’t use training as a way to escape thinking about the emotional bullshit. And each month this year has come with a new life plot twist and/or a new injury.
So I tried to keep to my routine. I still went to the gym after work and watched my team train. I figured it’d distract me and I could still learn some things from the bleachers. But then I’d go home, either early or when the rest of the team did. And I started stopping at gas stations along the way for shitty food and beer.
Now life has gotten to the point where I can maybe start getting back into my old routine. But man, my body is so beat down from the drinking. Alcohol does not help healing, inflammation, joint pain, etc. It makes it worse. It makes your abdomen sore. It makes you sluggish and tired.
I sabotaged my chance to go to the gym regularly this week. And last week. I’ve only been going 1-2x/wk in the past 3wks that I’ve had the opportunity to resume. Today was my only day this week (can’t go tomorrow or Saturday).
When I was done (and man did my performance and attitude suck the whole time), I had to consciously make the choice not to go to the gas station. Not to get a shitty sub and some beers and come to my room and probably finish the beers and probably not finish the sandwich.
I stopped at WalMart for some caffeine for the morning. And I came right home. I put together a homemade burrito from our leftovers. And I grabbed an NA beer from the fridge. And I feel a little better.
My blood pressure still feels very high with a small pressure headache. But I know if I give it a few more days even that will go away. A beer would be a temporary BandAid. Not even a sterile BandAid — it’d be like fishing one out of the trash.
So that’s it. That’s my first step to getting back to the Me That Was from just a short 5 months ago. Life can try to beat you down. But it’s impossible to climb out of those holes when you’re more focused on popping beers than patching yourself up and starting the climb.
IWNDWYT

This is a long one so buckle in TW: abuse and SA. Also bare with as I have ADHD and sometimes don't make sense right away. I apologize in advance and will try my hardest not to do this.
I (39f) have 3 children, one who lived with me until getting their own place last summer and 2 more who primarily stay with their father. I met him on my 19th birthday. We dated for a few weeks and then he wanted to move to another city for a job and I followed him there. He was an alcoholic from the moment we met but I thought maybe if I loved him hard enough it would change. It never did and in fact he got into drugs as well, eventually wearing me down into doing them with him after 6 years of being together. His abuse started with small things like complaining if I left a dish in the sink for too long or he would make fun of my style of clothes. Before we had children he would often tell me he didn't love me. I'm not sure why I stayed but hindsight is 20/20. It got to the point where I would be afraid if I didn't clean enough during the day and my job had to work around his so we wouldn't need a babysitter. The worst would come out when he was drinking, he would always accuse me of cheating on him and I came close a couple of times but never slept with anyone until after the relationship was done. I wanted connection I suppose, someone who wouldn't put me or my ideas down all the time. He would drink an 8 pack every night and on weekends 2 15 packs of beer. I was expected to get up with the kids even on nights out with my friends on the rare occasions I was allowed only to be guilt tripped and yelled at after coming home. I found out I was first pregnant on my 20th birthday. I was so happy as all I had ever wanted to be in my life was a mom. I had hoped this would spark change as he promised me he would quit drinking and drugs before the baby was born. His family was very supportive and I loved them much like my own. We moved back home after baby was born to be closer to our families and I had looked forward to our future together. He told me when I gave birth was the moment he fell in love with me. Our child was amazing and such a good baby that when we found out we were having another I was so happy. I told my dad first and I'll never forget how happy he was to find out he was going to be a grandpa again. My second pregnancy was harder than my first and I would have incredible bad pains and wouldn't even be able to walk from the front of the store I worked to the back to clock out and this is where things went down hill for us even more. He started to push me to doing drugs with him and I resisted for a long time, he would make fun of me even more and wanted to add another person in the bedroom and I wasn't comfortable doing these things but I did them to keep him happy. He would always degrade me and make me feel like Inwas never enough, he got angry when he was drinking and after our second child was born he started to threaten me when he was drinking. Telling me one time 'if you don't go to bed right now I'm going to beat the shit out of you' I wasn't even sure what I did to set him off... This pattern continues and I started to withdraw unsure of how to keep going. I started talking to someone I had worked with and he made me feel special and beautiful and things I hadn't felt in a long time. I still kept it at a distance because I was in a relationship but when my children's father found out it was the first time he ever got physical with me. I felt like Inhad deserved it because I did seek another person's attention and I can admit that I was wrong and have done a lot of healing around this wound but this is where things took a turn for me. I told him exactly how I felt and we were both in tears, I thought maybe this would have been the moment things would get better but that only lasted a week maybe if that. Soon after I found out I was pregnant and he made it known the whole pregnancy that he thought this child wasn't his. I felt thatbI deserved it to a point, I made efforts but I could never do anything right. When my youngest was born he keft right after missing that I couldn't stop bleeding and they had started to prep me for emergency surgery. The clots were baseball sized and my mom was stuck there while I was crying in pain and almost bleeding to death. I stopped just before they cleared an or for me and after some transfusions I was better. I felt so guilty my whole pregnancy because I wasn't sure if I wanted my son because of all the accusations. I tried to make up for thid after he was born because as soon as I saw him it broke my heart because how could I not want someone so perfect in my life. He was a colic baby and was up all hours crying. It was me who would be up all night and my ex decided at one point to go to a concert, he wasn't even a month old and the other 2 also had colds but he still went. I almost lost my mind that night was one of the worst nights I ever had with my colic baby. He went for breaks regularly at his moms or friends place and stories about how there were hot girls and strippers always followed. I was too tired to care. Once we got past the colic faze it didn't get any better. I tried my tubes after this as I didn't want to put myself through the emotional torment I went through withbour last son. I started having bad pain all the time and had little energy left but whatever I did was soent making sure that things were cleaned up before the kids were up from hsi drinking and drugs, making sure I took care of the kids, got them out of the house and then would work myself. He would get mad if I didn't make dinner every night I had off, if something was out of place, on the way I looked because I didn't get dressed until I had to go out. I was done, I didn't want him to touch me or talk to me and the only time we had any kind of relationship was when I was drinking with him (it didn't happen as often as he wanted but I wanted to take care of the kids first). I did it again, started talking to someone else. It started out innocent and as like venting but he made me feel like I didn't deserve the treatment I was getting. Well my ex found out and this is the night that ended our relationship. I went to bed after yelling at him about how drugs were more important to him that feeding his family and he woke me up a few hours later. He hit me, kicked me , threw things, told me I was a whore and I deserved to be raped when I was younger. I was molested when I was 5-11ish I can't remember exactly when it started just that I was in french immersion school. He wouldn't let me take my kids with me and seeing as he was twice my size I had no choice but to leave my son who was crying to come with me and it broke me in ways no mother should ever have to feel. This leads to court battle after court battle. He has been using the kids and court system to abuse and control me more. I'm happily married now to an amazing man and it scared me at first to actually be in s healthy relationship but this doesn't stop my ex from telling me what a horrible mom I am despite trying ny best to be there for my kids every step of the way. He had told them I don't love them, that I don't want them around, etc. Side note: A few years after we were separated I finally got my diagnosis of endometriosis, adenomyosis and fibromyalgia and a few years after that Adhd. My pain has progressed over the years and I have good days and bad days snd try to make the most of good days. This being said I do have to let my body rest from pain on bad days. I have had days where pain has been bad enough I've thrown up from pain and where I've gone to the er to get any relief. As my kids got older the manipulation started to get worse, my ex would drag anything negative from my visits to use against me (eg if one misbehaved and I took a toy away) and made that out to be well you don't love your kids, being as I've never really had anything but dead end jobs until recently, I struggled financially and when he was supposed to pay child support he didn't. I have to take him to court and enroll in our provincial support enforcement. We had 50/50 until the kids were old enough to decide, I still took them to medical appointments, dentist visit and eye appointments until recently as last time I had asked him if the boys were covered under his insurance and he responded by not answering me but by degrading me and telling me that I should just take them and I had no issues taking them I just wanted to know if they were covered as I didn't have the budget to just pay that out of pocket and would have needed to plan ahead. Not once have I denied the kids from anything they needed while living with their dad and I've tried to reach them directly mostly as I don't want anything to do with their father. I'm as low contact as possible with him. My youngest 2 decided they wanted to luve with him while my oldest he has completely disowned due to him being transgender and gay. He's 18 now and had completely cut off his dad. My middle son has been pulling away from me for some time and I have been trying to shield them all from how their dad treats me because that's what Mom's do. Yesterday I had to have a tooth pulled as I couldn't afford to have the root canal done and went to the closest store to grab some Tylenol, etc. so happened my son was working on till and I went through so I could say hiand let him know I missed him and tried to text him. He said he hadn't gotten any messages and that hopefully we could hang out soon. Last night around 11 my ex texted me about how Im stalking my kid, my kid doesn't want anything to do with me and I'm a horrible mother and even if he dies he's made other arrangements so they don't have to live with me (firstly I know this isn't legal and I'll go to court again if i have to) because apparently he's dying. I have no sympathy for him at this point but it's killing me that my boys only see me in the light he's painting because of my desire to protect them from all the hurt and pain and everything I've had to go through. My youngest is 14 now and if that's how THEY feel it's one thing but I don't think it is, I think it's his way of trying to hurt me but I want to teach out to my boys and ask if this is how they feel and have an open and honest conversation about everything with them. I feel like maybe if they saw things from my side too it might make a difference and i could reconnect with them but I'm not sure. No one answers my messages so it's hard to get time with them anymore. I've been so broken about it and am seeking therapy asap again but would I be the asshole if I told them my side and let them figure out what they want?
Also yes I have made my fair share of mistakes, I've faced those and working on myself constantly. I took me many years to find a person who actually doesn't abuse us in any way and actually puts in effort and makes changes as needed to the point my oldest calls him dad. I'm very sensitive so please be gentle as possible. Thank you all for advice, etc. I will try to update once I've made a decision on what to do, and I do have screenshots, court documents etc. and if anything should happen to me I've left instructions with people to release everything. This is how scared I am of this man.

It was dark, like the type of dark that you have to check your eyes by blinking. Only then you realize you can no longer tell whether your eyes are open or closed. The sky was calm and thin clouds streaked across the sky like a child had obtained a paint brush and some paint. Below this oddly peaceful sky was a home, more precisely it would be called a mansion. A dilapidated old home that hadn't seen use in many years. Strangely though it was guarded as if some old treasure may have existed inside.
The old decrepit home had a wall encircling it with a fancy ornate gate, depictions of bats and skulls made it feel more ominous though. Gargoyles watched the guards as they lazily stood in front of the gate, they had no sense of urgency.
"Hey mind if I just take a quick wink? Not like anyone's gonna come here there no point. There's nothing here but an old coffin and a corpse." One of the guards sighed as he leaned against the wall.
"Yeah, go ahead man. I'd rather not get in trouble with the captain though. He's scary." The second guard shivered as he thought of the new boss they'd recently been answering to.
"Ah, that kid? Come on he's not even like us he's just a Lithian brat. He was assigned his position to make us look good for 'that' person." His voice lowered as fear crept in while thinking about the man they wouldn't even speak the name of.
"Damn, we've gone and involved ourselves with scary people huh. Whatever imma. . . Just." With his sentence trailing of soon snores filled the air and a sigh from the sleeping man's companion. The mansion behind them watched eagerly at their relaxed attitudes, waiting hungrily for the intruders it expected. And it's hunger was satisfied as the sound of glass breaking cut through the night.
Quiet footsteps landed on a carpet, "how's it looking?"
"Cody. . . Shut the fuck up." Skarlet's face appeared in the light of her fire magic, a single finger raised with a flame on top.
"Hey sorry, but there's nobody here right besides who can stop us?"
"Cody, just come inside." Skarlet grabbed him by the hand and yanked him through the window. She then pushed it closed behind him. In the light of her fire he could see her tail flicking with annoyance.
"Sorry, it's just been a bit since it was just the two of us right. There was that fight with Ares but. . . You know never mind remember Christmas?" Cody smiled mischievously, though her response was a barely visible blush.
"You're a terrible cook." She frowned as she started walking down the hall.
"Ooh, my heart as a man has been injured. But hey you know that I was trying to recreate something from my homeland. Coco doesn't exist in this world though." His voice fell at the end of the sentence, a partial pout appeared in his expression for a moment before a flash of surprise as he skipped forward to catch up with her. It was as he was just about to reach her side when she turned.
"You're not too bad at consoling a crying girl though." A smirk accompanied that statement before she spun around once more and kept walking. Cody froze, a dumb look on his face, but he recovered quickly and chased after her. Skarlet was blushing deeply, she even put out her flame to hide it. Damnit, why'd I say that. This stupid guy. . . Ugh the goal. . . We came here for a reason.
"You're much more social than when we first met. Didn't you try to kill me to keep me from getting close to you. What changed, little misfortunate." Cody asked with a teasing tone.
"Nothing Dumbass, I just realized I couldn't push you away cause you were stronger than me. Better keep up, hero if I surpass you in strength I'll end our partnership." Skarlet's voice shook at the end of her statement. If it was back then, it would've been firm, but she couldn't shake the emotions she'd been feeling more recently. She had to admit that she enjoyed his company, he was a dependable friend. Damn, why are my cheeks so hot.
"Here I found it!" Skarlet spoke up, breaking the conversation off forcefully. She was pointing to a staircase, Cody stepped up to the edge and looked down.
"Problem, um there's no steps only a case." Cody pointed out as he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. She was staring at him in exasperation.
"Was that supposed to be a joke?" She sighed as he avoided eye contact and stepped off the edge.
"Um, I guess." He said while rubbing the back of his head and smiling awkwardly. Skarlet landed beside him with a chuckle and punched him in the shoulder.
"Come on let's go, dummy." She led the way further down, occasionally they had to leap down entire cases that were missing steps. But soon they reached the basement. Four stories and five flights, it was a very big house. They walked in silence as they approached a room at the back of the basement. It was a tomb, definitely. There was stone double doors, at there center was a black widow on a spiderweb. The split between the doors cut the window in half.
Skarlet stepped forward and pushed open the door, a draft of air escaped desperately leading her hair and skirt to flutter curiously.
Thud
The doors made a pretty loud sound as they clicked into place. There was a stone coffin placed in the center, the room however was set up almost like a set in an old Gothic play. A large bed, the colors were red and black. A bookcase on one wall and a fireplace on the other. The biggest out of place thing though was a massive rotating magic circle. It seemed to be made of a red viscous liquid and was floating off the ground by a couple inches. It was surrounding the coffin as blood red chains erupted from the magic circle and wrapped the coffin.
"Um, hehe hey don't you think this looks like a bad Idea actually. Maybe we have the wrong house." Cody joked anxiously as he stepped into the room behind Skarlet who was approaching the coffin.
"No this, this is right I think. It is just very elaborate, we'll have to carry her out. Get ready they'll know we're here when I break the seal." Skarlet explained as she stepped into the magic circle. It coiled around her like she was walking through a shallow pond. "Sapphire told us that she'll be groggy and confused when she wakes up, we'll have to protect her as we get her out of here.
As she approached the coffin she pulled out a dagger and stabbed it into the center of it, where the red chains all clustered together. The dagger was a normal looking blade, but the guard was a golden carved black widow with a ruby in the abdomen.
Her ears laid flat as her tail lashed anxiously with the massive mana wave that erupted outwards. Lastly, as if the stone prison before her wanted to give off one more ounce of flair the lid shattered into particles of black and red and trickled down the sides to mix with the blood pooling in the carpet around the coffin. The magic circle had been made from actual blood.
Though Skarlet froze, she seemed to have seen something in the coffin that greatly confused or surprised her. Cody frowned as he approached, he peered over her shoulder and gasped, he understood. The coffin contained a skeleton, the inhabitant had been dead awhile.
"Wait, what the hell, that that no that can't be what?" Skarlet reached into the coffin and lifted the skeleton before dropping it, the clattering of bones was chilling.
"So. . . What do we do now? I don't think Sapphire has a plan B." Cody sighed as he turned to the room. He started to approach the bed when he noticed something. "Um hey Skarlet, we're looking for an Older sister correct. And specifically one that's been sealed for the last ten years right." Cody spoke as he noticed someone in the bed.
"What the. . . That's a kid." Skarlet frowned as she approached the bed and pulled the covers aside to reveal a young girl in a classic Gothic Lolita dress. She was hugging a very traditional teddy bear with obviously sewed on bat wings. But most importantly, she was sound asleep.
"We can't leave her here right? This place is about to become a battle ground. I'm pretty sure she's human right, when I was with Sapphire I could sense that she was a monster and not a human. But this girl just feels normal." Skarlet was pondering when sound rang out upstairs.
"Damn their coming." Skarlet began shaking the young girl lightly as she pulled her into a sitting position. The girl groggily opened her eyes and yawned then they widened as she saw them. "Hello dear, we need to go, can you come with us for a little. It's gonna get dangerous." Skarlet held out her hand and the girl took it with sparkling eyes. Skarlet smiled awkwardly as she realized the girl was staring at her ears. "I'll let you touch them if you come with us ok." Skarlet led her by the hand as Cody drew his sword and they stepped out into the basement. It was still empty but the sound of feet and voices upstairs led them to move quickly.
On the first floor Cody stepped out from the stairs and into the hall. A shout brought his attention to a group of guards that immediately ran at him.
"Damn, stay back you two." Cody grumbled as he brought his hand up and cast light spear, chanting under his breath as he brought his sword in front of him. A ball of light appeared and morphed into a spear as he chanted then it launched at his opponents. Two of the guards got speared almost instantly.
"Shit these guys are strong, one of the remaining guards spoke up as he suddenly skidded to a stop along with his companies. They tossed their swords to the ground, Cody grinned awkwardly as he realized what was happening. He began making strides towards them breaking into a run he impaled one of the group as the other two began to change.
Cody ripped his sword out of the guard and let his body fall, the sword he held glowed with a soft white light and that glow reflected off the blood making the scene feel more red than it should have normally as he turned around and leaped at his two new opponents. They were werewolves, he cast a light spell called illuminate and the two reacted by recoiling. Cody slid under the outstretched claws of the first one and leaped upwards slashing from the beast's stomach all the way to the neck and straight out the jugular. Then with a round house kick, he smashed his heel into the side of it's head and sent it careening into it's companion who yelped in surprise. Cody then blasted a hole through both of them with another light spear.
As he finished the sound of clapping echoed out. Cody felt a bit of embarrassment as the little girl behind Skarlet had started clapping. Cody sighed and led the way towards the front door, they cleared out a couple more groups but for the most part went unchallenged till he pushed open the front door to reveal that there was a large troop stationed in the yard.
"Damn, is that old man this afraid of Ruby?" Skarlet muttered as she gazed at the large mob in front of her. "alright, upsy daisy." Skarlet lifted the girl and had her sit in her arm while holding onto Skarlet's neck. Skarlet drew her sword and held it one handed.
"Intruders, we can't let you leave. Where's Ruby!" A man looking like the leader approached.
"Sorry man, I don't know." Skarlet replied as a smile slipped onto her face. Suddenly she was in front of him as she dashed, dragging her sword across his waist she split him in half leaped and kicked his torso back at his own troops. There was a look of surprise permanently etched on his face. "Come on Cody, let's take this fuckers out."
"Skarlet, your carrying a child think you could maybe be less gruesome?" Cody's plea went unheard as she delved into battle. He sighed once more feeling himself growing older he leaped forward as well.
Skarlet hacked and slashed a path through the guards, she twisted, jumped, and ducked to avoid attacks targeting the girl in her arms. Cody was right behind her slicing through his own opponents. At this point he had a look of annoyance and exasperation in his face as he watched the blood covered black cat girl have her fun. "When did she start to enjoy fighting so much?" He realized he hadn't noticed this emerging tendency of hers.
Suddenly Skarlet had the area around her cleared out as a figure approached. He held a sword that Cody recognized, a katana. He was dressed in a gladiator style outfit with a cape. There was no smile on his face though he didn't look like a showman. The guards had backed away and even seemed to tremble.
"Captain, it's the captain."
"Hey, why'd y'all stop I thought it was getting good. There's enough of you for me to. . . Oh you look fun." Skarlet smiled as she looked at the man in front of her. A Fox Lithian that reeked of the blood he'd split throughout his life.
"Cody, take her." Skarlet spoke seriously as she handed the girl to Cody.
Skarlet then stepped forward and gripped her sword tightly. In an instant they closed in on each other, a loud bang rang out as they crossed blades. "Ha, damn I thought I was no longer a human with the strength I wield. That no singular opponent could match me. But this is gonna be fun." Skarlet smiled as she let her emotions out, a built up rage and fear filled her blade as a series of clashes rang out. Though her smile began to slip as pain blossomed in her side. Something wet splatter in the dirt. "Shit." Skarlet leaned back as the boy's sword barely grazed her neck.
"You can't beat me you're not at that level yet, cat." The boy explained as he calmly dealt with her frantic and chaotic attacks. She spun around and brought a kick to the side of his head, a thud exploded out as she came into contact with his forearm that had blocked. He then grabbed her leg and flipped her, she hit the dirt with a thud and immediately kicked the ground so she rolled away as a blade stabbed into the ground where her head used to be. Her fear had melted into her blade she felt nothing but exhilaration even as blood soaked into her shirt and dripped down her leg.
She leaped to her feet and pointed her sword at him, a serious expression on her face as she leaped at him with a large overhead strike. Mana erupted throughout her sword as a black fire erupted along her blade encasing it in a threatening appearance and aura.
She brought her sword down and the boy swung his sword almost like one would swing a rapier in a contest of beauty. Elegant and swift movements, he made it seem like it was weightless as he partied her sword to the side and twirled his blade around before piercing her chest.
"Skarlet!!" Cody exclaimed as he watched the blade rip out her back, blood dripping off its tip. The boy, smiled as he looked into her eyes.
"Skarlet, it matches your fiery eyes. My name is Gordon and I'm the one who killed you." He seemed truly happy. He even began to laugh but that froze on his face as he watched her mouth from a smile. It parted slightly and blood poured down her chin. A sharp pain stabbed his side as her sword sliced into him, a scowl lit his face as the blade carved through him with ease and ripped through his throat. Then with a bloody, choking laugh she kicked him away and let the blade slide back out of her chest.
Gordon hit the ground, her blade had carved a jagged path from his side, to his neck. Affectively amputating his arm, he was bleeding a lot, far more than her as she cast a healing spell. Her face scrunched in pain as her body began rearranging and reassembling the wound.
She then turned and wiped the blood from her lips as she placed her sword on her shoulder and grinned at Cody. "Damn that bastard was good." Cody sighed.
"Hahaha, victory must feel nice." Gordon laughed as he sat up. Blood was starting to slither and move around him. His body was pulling itself back together as he got to his feet. His sword was bleeding, no more accurately, it was eating her blood and healing him it seemed. "Girl, that was damn insane. You're literally crazy, who deliberately takes an attack that could kill them just to create an opening. Haha, not that I'm going to fall for it again. Come on try and kill me imma get serious now. This is gonna scar you know." He held his sword in a different stance as the blood coalesced on the blade and formed a larger scary blade made of blood. His sword looked more like a scimitar now or possibly a sword with an ax on the end of it. Then he dashed at her, Skarlet felt dread, but still fear escaped her. She looked down the jaws of death and smiled.
"Come on, let's go!"

When you knew me, I was about to fall down into the pit of pain I had been running from while also looking at, my whole life. You knew this. I thought having a degree, being a provider type girlfriend (like my dad was) and someone who heals others would shield me from it. I was wrong. I know this pain now, I know the dark corners of my mind and the beautiful sunlight of my soul. The happy is not gone. It's a part of me. You don't have access to it. I guard that part of me dearly because it's been taken from me before. It's been rained down on in ways you have done to me. I think you didn't recognize me in the tunnel of my feelings, you focused on the manifestations and punished me for them and what they represented to you. You didn't have the recovery of yourself to meet me there but still expected that from me.
I had to guard it from you. I had to try to Frankenstein it together for the world and you tried to take off the pins and needles that held me together when you pleased. That felt violating. I was not done with my BIG TASK. I told you immediately when we met. When we discovered we had feelings, I said to you, "Let's be friends because I'm in the middle of nursing school. Right now isn't the best time." Because I knew I was growing love for YOU and actually wanted it to work. When you shared that might not actually work, I held on despite my better judgement, I should have let you walk. You are wrong to think I preyed on your love. You saw me fighting the fight of my life and at many times, you joined in on the other side of the ring. Whatever unconscious things I did to you, I'm sorry. They were unconscious. I don't doubt that I unintentionally gaslight you often, that's what was done to me. That would make sense. And for that, I'm very sorry.

1. Yes, I'm a Flirt

I will say, I did not kiss another man, sleep with another, touch another man, nothing. Am I flirt? Yes. I always have been. I am a harmless flirt, remember, in your own words-I push away people who actually are into me...That freaks me out. I walk into a room and at least one person is attracted me, since forever. That's not my fault.

1. Only Fans

I saw that a character with a really unattractive voice on Love is Blind (which is a show I watched) got an only fans and I was curiously fucking around and finding out what that was about. No intention of acting on the impulse to look.

1. Sean I and Sean II

That guy Sean DID have a crush on me. No we never got together. There was a Sean from 2020 I had a little thing with and I ended things with him back then. The screen shot was for Sandi.

1. Pushing away people who care about me

Yes, I have an impulse to push away people that care about me. The open channel where care and help is was foreign and scary to me. Now it's just like walking past a hornet at an aqua park. I know it’s there but I can go enjoy the day. You tried to give it faster than I can process. I DID want to melt into your arms and feel safe and in those spaces and we did many times. You would get very defensive about religion or other hot topics that I needed to hold onto. I also felt how you were ashamed of my emotional bruises before you started to make fun of them. That made me close off to you. I felt you pop my mental floats and told me to hold onto you. So I was mad but, I held on. I thought I was supposed to. That's how I felt. I am an independent person but a physical touch/quality time/acts of service type of romantic. I know you felt it. I offered to literally be the workhorse so we could live somewhere beautiful together and give you a chance to start something, even if it was just painting. That is a sacrifice that never got acknowledged even while I was in the school stage of that process. But I learned you were into “ the salary lol”

1. Your Pain, Your Shame

There were times you were not well and I gave you some of my *touch* and warmed you with my soul. I did it far more often than you noticed. I loved you just as much as you loved me. I had to compartmentalize this when you wanted more from me than I could give. Before I did the inner work I have done now, I didn't know I went deeper, that there was deeper. I was abandoned. You were reaching into the lost girl in me and scaring her then getting mad at her. She was just trying to not drown. That made more of my defenses come out. I did feel you may have wanted to be with me for the nursing salary which would turn out to be true. It would turn out to be true you thought very little of me. It would turn out to be true you lied about friends like Boon & Megan who were never together because Megan dated my friend Alex, I met them through the local music scene I'm now a part of. You lied about a lot, I think because you were embarrassed to admit you didn't have friends. People will not stick around people who are needy, even though you need basic things, people are just trying to survival at the most basic level and will never put you before themselves. You tried to do that for me, which I don't think is love because the result was a dysfunctional relationship. It was idealizing me into someone that when I fell short of being her, I paid for it. You held contempt and resentment for me because of this which think birthed your contempt and suspiciousness. We were on different levels of Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. I needed basics, you were ready for more. That's why I forced myself to finish school. The way I've seen you talk about women sounds like a "nice guy". You think very highly of yourself, in a way that makes others shrink. You rise up by stepping on people. You were going to step on me and use my money and my innocence. I got wise and angry. I know when you are in a better place you will see the field you assess yourself and others on, isn't always accurate. You have empathy but you don't have experience to know how to make space for others to bloom. You did not allow for this in me. You kept showering me with your insecurities, apathy for my feelings and machine gun style attacks at me doing the best I could with what I had at the time. That is cruel. I saw a lot of that. Women are not perfect. The ones that you claim are crazy for saying they are neurodivergent or men have hurt them, are sometimes that stereotype and scorching the earth with their pain. I've had times in my life where I've gone through that phase. It's part of grief. You have sounded very elitist and looked that way when I saw you both times. You think you are the prime example of manhood, you need to look at how you are not the hot shit you think you are. You are very disrespectful to people without warning, you also need to look at that. You are impulsive, which sets in motion all of this. I had no problem showing you were not the hottest shit around and I think that, to you, that meant I was cheating or that I didn't appreciate you. It meant, you needed a dose of humble and to learn how to actually listen. Not just for what you want to hear.
You lied in court several times. You did tell me to go die, you did call the cops on me for making my knuckles. You filed a police report on me for the bike. You spoke about me like trash and you have for a long time. You are not loving savior type. You are cunning and malicious. I believe you are very selfish and misled by your impulses. I don't know everything you did but I saw just how incredibly manipulative you can be. The judge fell for it.

1. When you decided to cross my boundaries here's what happened

Whatever it is you saw in me and wanted me to face, the rate you were pushing me to face it was faster than I could handle and that made you a threat to me, subconsciously and emotionally. That made my defenses come up. It was not on your time for me to heal from my life's pain, no matter how ready you were for your dream girl, I needed shelter you COULD NOT give. So I was very unhappy and SCARED of you. You hurt my inside. I was scared of how far you would go based on your selfish impulses and for that I needed legal help to keep you away from me. You were going to push me into a mental hell. You would not validate my inner world. You just picked through it. That felt like awake surgery to me, so to me that was dangerous and painful.

1. The Truth of your Posts

You thought very little of me and liked the emotional rollercoaster where you could put put your arms up and scream and feel like you’re on a ride more than the love. Because when the love was there, you didn't know how to engage. You would leave me hanging morning after morning. Days of it. Weeks. I had every right to be as cold with you because your inner belief system thought I was scum and rejected me. How wrong you are.

1. Closure

I don't think there's any good conversation to have with you until life throws some stuff at you that makes you open your heart more and talk less and listen more. That will take years. I wish you a happy life, a loving marriage and family and hope you finally learn that it's insides of people that count. That's who they are, not their muscles, hair, job, money, talent-it's the inner person who put those things together to survive. I love myself, I have made a life out of being left in a dumpster for people. You see me as the person who belongs back in that box while also seeing me as someone worth more. So you are confused about who I am. I am not.
I don't fit in a box. i know this box. You and the judge both got me in there, she paid way more attention to you. That’s how it went. hey, I refuse to be put in a box. Boxes mean pain. But I will love the person I'm supposed to love with every beat of my heart and I know this about myself. I feel it. I felt it with you. You missed it. My fear, my PTSD was never yours to announce or bring up. Conversations could be had at any moment if they are open and two way streets. You are not a sorry, weak person. You know this. You played that very well. I chose not to. You see I am strong now. whatever you want to throw at me will wash off with the rain of my tears and I will bloom and bloom into a garden so big it will give my family I build a beautiful thing. I'm not ready yet. Letting go of you is the next thing on my list. So you are free. I don't hate you. I believe you won't hurt me. I hope you unbury your imperfect self and accept him so you can accept others for their wrinkles/bald spots/weakness/emotional holes and all. That's loving someone, to me. Like the velveteen rabbit. It's inside out. Non-verbals to verbals. I wish you learn what lessons you need to learn and your heart gets so full it starts singing and what will happen is that you will finally grieve and process your actions that have left you alone because you have brunt people out. Yes, I loved you first. I said it first too. You forgot that part. You expected me to believe you didn't flash a group of women when the police said that about you too. I believe you did and put on the same poor sweet man boy act you did with me. You’re just a martyr dude who really does no wrong. Whatever was proven or you fell like you "won", I hope it's what you wanted. You showed me you would have tore into me the whole way through. I don't trust you. I just wish you peace. You are the most manipulative person I have ever met. More than my mother. That’s what this whole thing was. You manipulated the shit out of me & my boundaries are not leaving. Ever. I am blessed with them. What light uou think left my eyes was the door to you that is sealed and buried.
Moral of the story: Ex would not listen to my boundaries. Would push my buttons to peer into the person I was at my worst and then neglect her further. The boundaries I have in place now are staying. This needed to come off my chest to acknowledge my feelings which have been long ignored. Keep the boundaries. Stay no contact. Love yourself more the darkness they seduce you with. It’s click bait. It’s click bait love. He was a virus to my hard drive.

I don’t know what i’m having or experiencing, If you seen my profile history you would know i’m really anxious if I have herpes. Everywhere I go people think I don’t have anything and i’m just panicking and having anxiety. 2 months ago I had protected sex, 2 days later I was feeling super sick I was also having frequent urination and only a little bit came out. I’m not sure if its because I was anxious, I wasn’t burning or itching. So that’s when I went to the ER thinking I had a std, they tested me for covid and the flu and both came back positive. I also went to get a std test and that came back negative. 3 weeks later I get a lesion in my foreskin. It lasted for a month, it’s healed now but it left a scar. Got tested again everything was negative so I assumed it was herpes. I did get it swabbed and it came back negative but it was crusted so I don’t know how accurate it came back. It started like a pimple then it got bigger like a cyst bump and blistered then crusted. I remember I took the crust off when I was taking a shower and it was like a smooth hard and round bump or ball. The bump eventually got smaller and smaller and eventually just leaving a scar. You wouldn’t even notice it until i point it. It took a month to heal. I was having frequent urination again, It didn’t hurt or burn but this time I would pee clear water. I would have the urge to pee every 10 or 20 minutes. Went to get a uti test and that came back negative. I was having a runny nose and sneezing alot. Also my right ear was twitching and having pressure, then it went to my left ear. Found out I had EBV antibodies weeks later so i’m not sure if that’s why I had those symptoms. I’ve been going to ER a lot recently because i’ve been having nerve like pains, Ive been having twitching muscles, and tingling in the sides of my feet. Twitches in my eye lid or under my eye. Sometimes shocks in my toes, fingers, hands, legs, arms. Like something is pinching me or shocks that last a second. Everybody thinks it’s isn’t herpes since it wasn’t painful or itching when I had the lesion and got it swabbed and came back negative. And I haven’t had another lesion since and it didn’t spread or cluster like every other herpes lesion does. They’re thinking the nerve shocks or tingles I’m having is from being anxious or paranoid since i’m having it everywhere randomly in my body and i’m not sure if they’re being right. I got a IgG blood test and it came back negative for both HSV1 and 2 after 8 weeks. I also got a PCR Blood Test for herpes and that came back negative as well from my PCP doctor. I should’ve requested for a IgG one but I didn’t notice until they gave me my papers to leave. The only symptoms i’m having right now is nerve shocks that last a second. In my fingers, hands, toes, legs, arms, everywhere. A bit of tingling in my feet and heel. I was having tailbone pain aswell that started Saturday and lasted for 4 days like I had soreness. I’m not sure if its because I was working all day but the pain would come and go. Like one second it would be mild then few hours I could really feel it. I’m still having ear ache but mostly in my right ear now but it’s mild. Also pooping hasn’t been the same anymore like when I poop it isn’t hard anymore and only a little bit would come out. I just don’t know if I should keep trying to find out if i have herpes or If i should accept that I don’t have it and I have something else? I’m going to ask my family doctor if I can have a neurologist to see my symptoms. I’m also going to go ask for a IgG blood test again after the 12 week mark. Do these symptoms sound like herpes to you guys? Or am I just being anxious? Should I really move on from this?? What should I even do?? I’m just waiting for another lesion that I can swab but I haven’t had one since that first one appeared.

Hi. Update from the girl who thought she had a marsupialization done like an idiot, even though it was likely just a draining or silver nitrate ablation. My “hole” healed up after a couple of days, and the pain subsided about a week later.
And now here I am.. see, similar to when the first cyst started to form, I was near my period and I had gone to the dentist right before. I get oral herpes/cold sores and have since I was a pre-teen. I take Valtrex as a prophylactic. I don’t know if it was because I was around my period, if it was the Valtrex, or what. But I developed the cyst, both the OBGYN and ER doctor believed it to be a Bartholin Cyst or labial abscess, and I had it drained, first in the ER with a needle and then a “hole” being made to drain with silver nitrate in the OBGYN. Honestly, it was pretty traumatic. I heard it could come back, but I didn’t know it could come back so soon.
A couple of days ago I started to feel pain down there again. Today I woke up with a cold sore, likely from stress, so I took my Valtrex. This evening I went to use the bathroom? And it burned. It burned like it did when the cyst first started to form back a few weeks ago. I can feel a small bump. I’m currently sobbing I really cannot go through this again.
On the ER’s MyChart, the culture wasn’t done for any STDs, just bacteria, which came up positive for gram positive cocci. I was on 500mg of Keflex 4x a day for 10 days, which seemed to help the infection. I called the ER department to ask if they tested for STDs, they said they can’t tell me, that if they did it would be on MyChart.
The OBGYN I went to was so bad that I don’t even want to go back to them, and even if I did, it would be weeks before I could see the doc and there’s no guarantee she will even keep the appointment with how busy she is. I don’t have a follow up scheduled, and MyChart still hasn’t been updated aside from a very small note saying “drained cyst” with the date and her name. I STILL don’t know what exactly she did, and any time I call, they say they can’t tell me.
It’s likely I’ll have to go to a different city to see a doctor for this because of insurance. I’ll have to make arrangements for it and I’m freaking out. I’m panicking. Hence I’m posting this now.
Has anyone else had something like this? I’m pretty sure it’s just the cyst coming back, especially since I’m nearing my period just like last time. But the Valtrex coincidence is throwing me off, and now I’m panicking.
Is it normal for a cyst to return this quickly? Can antivirals agitate it? Or could HSV play a role? God I am not prepared to go through this again. Sorry, I’m panicking. I’m so anxious I feel like I can’t breathe.

I've been hearing people saying that Amy is an example of a character being "born evil" or "ontologically evil", because her being a sexual predator must mean that Carol was right.
Which is bizarre, because Worm and Ward both show that Amy was just a normal kid dealing with emotional abuse and fucked up dependency, before she leapt off the slippery slope.
So I decided to prove this with a collection of snippets from the Parahumans series showing that the entire point of Amy's character is that she was someone who was a normal child in the first place:
And yes, Carol was singling her out even pre-Worm.

• Infrared 19.9 (elementary school Amy being put down by Carol and basically threatened with a traumatic trigger event)

Eric retreated into the living room, plunking himself down into a chair, slumping down so his arms were up on the armrest, feet on the floor, and his upper body stretched along the seat, chin against collarbone.
He looked at us without moving his head.
"What's up?" I asked.
He shrugged.
"How's she doing?" I asked.
He shrugged, then mumbled, "There were some days she was really scary. I had no idea what she'd do. Mostly now she's… extra teenager-ish, I guess."
He sighed, dramatic.
"It's tough being the odd one out, isn't it?" Amy asked. She was sitting on the short couch beneath the window, feet curled up beside her, a folded book in her lap.
"Really tough."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Amy asked.
"Nah."
"You can reach out to us anytime," Amy said.
"Okay. Thanks, I guess."
He got up and pulled a controller out from under the television. He flipped the switches to turn the TV and console on, and it "Thwooomed" with the console's startup sound.
He held out a controller, offering it to Amy and me.
"Reading," Amy said. "Thanks though."

*

Amy took a second to pull a throw blanket down from the back of the couch and toss it over her legs and feet, before picking up her book.
I walked around the end of the couch, leaning over the arm, my head parallel to hers as I read over her shoulder.
"You're distracting me," she said. Her head moved, frizzy brown hair mashing into my face as she butted her head lightly into mine.
"Who's Roaraxia?" I asked.
"Do you want to read this after I'm done?" she asked. "Emphasis on after?"
"Depends. Is Roaraxia cool?"
"She's the bad guy, and yeah, I guess."
"Is the good guy cool?" I asked.
"No," Amy said, sighing. "Almost never, in books."
"In your books, maybe."
"It's the appeal, isn't it? Peasants, criminals, orphans, they get a chance and they become cool by the end of the book."
I snorted, got up, and took my seat at the other end of the short couch. I stuck my feet out and wormed them beneath Amy's blanket.
"Your feet are cold," Amy told me, kicking me in the shin.
"So are yours," I said, grabbing the corner of the blanket and pulling it away from her foot. "Now they're colder."
What ensued was like thumb wrestling, feet kicking at and pushing against feet in a battle for control. She wasn't trying very hard, though, because she had her eyes on the book. The battle was less about the feet and more about me trying to get her attention as much as she tried to avoid giving it to me.
"You need to shave your legs," Amy said. "It's like sandpaper."
"Gross," Eric said, not taking his eyes off the game.
"It gives me the heebie jeebies," Amy said. "Like the squeak from markers on a whiteboard, or sneakers on the gym floor."
"Tiny hairs, sticking in the underside of your feet," I teased her. "And when you walk, you're walking on them and pushing them in deeper…"
She pulled her feet away like I was on fire, and shivered visibly, putting her book down. My victory.
I kept going, "And when they grow, they're pointed in the wrong direction, so they grow in…"
Amy made incoherent sounds of protest.
"I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way," Eric said.
"It probably doesn't," I said. I let my head loll back onto the armrest behind me, no longer fighting with Amy. "We're supposed to take a science class next semester."
"Chemistry, biology, or physics," Amy clarified. "We got the sheet in homeroom. Also art, music, or drama."
"Same. What did you pick for science?"
"Chemistry. Physics is the advanced kids' stream and is supposed to be hard, and in biology you might have to dissect frogs. No thank you," Amy answered. "Ick."
"I thought there would be some parts of it that are useful for health and fitness, first aid."
"You're thinking about cape stuff," Amy said.
"Naturally."
"And I bet you picked drama."
"Art," I told her. "At least for the one year. I'm not very good at it, but there's emblems and icons, color mechanics, costumes, poses and posture…"
Amy snorted. "Of course. I picked art too, mostly by process of elimination. So we might be in the same class."
"Cool."

*

"We wanted to talk with you because of what happened to Crystal," Aunt Sarah said. "Based on what's happening elsewhere, and how Carol and I both got powers, we wanted each of you to be aware of what might be coming down the road."
"We'll get powers," I said.
"Probably," my dad said. "Possibly. I know you know the answer, but… do you know how?"
"Trigger events," I said.
Amy spoke up, "This is like having a math whiz in the class, putting her hand up every time a question is asked."
"I'm not that bad."
"It's more serious than math class," Uncle Neil said. "Eric, do you understand about Trigger events?"
"That's the day you get powers?" Eric asked.
"It's what makes you get powers. It's a very important moment."
"One of the best or worst days of your life," I said.
"It can be," my Uncle said.
"If you want it to be a good day," my mother said, "The best thing you can do is be a good student, a good athlete, and the best person you can be. Strive for things and then accomplish those things."
"Great," Amy said. "I'm doomed."
"But," Aunt Sarah said, and it sounded like a sentence. She gave my mom a look. "As far as we can tell, it's rare. You should absolutely try to improve your chances, especially Victoria and Eric. The powers seem to run in the family, and getting a 'good' trigger would help reduce the chances that you get a bad one-"
"We don't know if the chances are as high for you, but it would behoove you to get your grades up, Amy," my mom said.
"Great," Amy said, making a face.
"I've been urging you for some time to join a club, a team, make your own friends. You have too contained a life."
"That's not what we're here to talk about," Aunt Sarah said. "Again, yes, I think it would be good to focus on success, but we should be prepared for the other cases. If something happens, if you have a really bad day and you get hurt or scared or angry, then it's possible you could have a bad trigger event. And it's hard. Right now, Crystal is going through a lot. Neil, me, Mark, Carol, we all went through it."
"All bad?" Amy asked.
"Yes, Amy."
"What happened?" Eric asked.
I braced myself, ready for my mom to shut it down.
"Your mother and I were kidnapped," my mother said. "They kept us in a dark basement for a long time. And then they tried to kill us."
I blinked, my head swimming as I absorbed that. Things made sense now. I had so many more questions.
"Neil had the accident, which you know about" my Aunt Sarah said. I knew. They'd met in the physical therapy after. Her for a riding injury, him for his trigger. "Mark-"
"I was on a boat when we were attacked," my dad said.
"The point is," my Aunt Sarah stressed, "we need you to be aware that this is a thing that happens. Very often, when we get powers, it isn't always easy, fun, or great. We need you all to be gentle with Crystal, not to pry, not to pressure, give her space, and let her handle things in her own way."
I felt frustrated at that, yet I couldn't say anything. They were saying this because I'd been asking her questions before.
"As you grow up, and we bring you to more events where capes are present, it's important to remember that many of them have been through the same," my mother said. "It's a question of courtesy and cape politics."
I nodded at that.
"It's not just others. We need you to be gentle with yourselves," Uncle Neil said. "Be prepared and be aware. When Sarah triggered, she hurt people, badly. I did the same."
"And I took a life," my mother said.
My eyes widened at that.
There was a pause, a break in the flow of conversation. And it was my mom, wearing a sweater, her hair long, looking much like a mom, with sunlight coming in from the window, and I could see it in her eyes. The fact that she had come to terms with that.
"…We weren't going to mention that," Aunt Sarah said, indicating Eric.
"I almost killed someone too," Crystal said.
I wasn't sure how to even imagine that. I wasn't sure Crystal could even imagine it, from the look on her face.
All I knew was that some sketchy people had recognized her and followed her off the bus, running after her when she ran. I only knew that much because my mom had told Amy and me to be extra careful, and had insisted she or dad drive us if we went anywhere.
"They're mad, now, apparently," Crystal said, hugging her arms to her body. "They want to get revenge."
"Often the case," my dad said. "Bad begets bad."
I could tell that my parents' approach to things wasn't really jibing with how Aunt Sarah had wanted to approach it. A little too serious when Eric was three years younger than me and Amy.
"It might happen to you," My mother said. "Chances are the time it happens won't be a time you're capable of being your most rational, but that makes it all the more important that you make resolutions and understand things now. There's a good chance that when you're facing the worst day of your life, you might be in a position to do irreparable harm to someone."
"I don't think I'm the type."
"I didn't think I was the type either, Amy," my mother said. "That makes it easier for the moment to catch you off guard."
"It's not all fun and games," my dad said. He met my eyes as he said it.
Aunt Sarah opened her mouth, like she wanted to say something… but she couldn't refute the fact.
"If I could go back-" Crystal started. She stopped, aware that every set of eyes was on her. Her eyes moving so she wasn't looking at anyone at all, she went on, "-I wouldn't do it again. I wouldn't want these powers."
"I'm so sorry, Crystal," Amy said.
Crystal shrugged.
"That's crazy," I said.
"Victoria," my mother's voice was stern. "We were just talking about sensitivity."
"But she can- you can fly, Crystal."
"And every time I do, it feels a bit like I'm still running away from those people," she said.
"That's a reality for many of us," my aunt Sarah said. A woman I'd associated with warm hugs, pumpkin cookies, and all of the cool 'my relative is a superhero' stuff without the 'also my parent' crap, except now she was talking from a place of darkness and hurting people.
"I hope I never get powers," my sister said. I saw Crystal nod.

• Infrared 19.10 where we see that Amy always remembered how Carol treated her

"I saw scenes from our childhood. Stuff to do with mom, Uncle Neil, and Dean. You were there."
"Fucking up?" she asked.
"Nah," I said. "Just there. Talking about Roaraxia and fantasy books."
"The talk," Amy said. Still without turning around.
Dot crawled up Amy and perched on her shoulder, sitting backwards so she could watch me. Wearing purple overalls with no shirt.
"Yeah. The talk. I'd mostly forgotten."
"I didn't. I couldn't pick up another book in the Roar series without thinking about mom getting on my case in front of everyone. Amy with no friends, no hobbies, she's small."
I looked at my mom. My mom was frowning.

• Gleam 9.2 has Victoria talking about how her and Amy were normal sisters, how Amy was a quiet but nice kid, and how they both felt weird about their fame influencing their relationships

I was no stranger to distorted thinking. Even before… before everything, I'd been swept up in it. As a child, wanting to belong to my family, being the odd one out, until I got my power. I'd later realized how lonely powers were.
The flip side of the coin applied too. Being the odd one in.
Amy had been the odd one in more than I had. Purely average in appearance, quiet, she hadn't been passionate about hobbies or about anything in particular. She'd liked movies from Aleph and when she was twelve she'd break her usual reserved, quiet composure to get way too excited if she checked the change slot of a vending machine or pay phone and found a quarter. And yet when we got to high school, she was automatically included in the group of popular students. The group with Dean, who was supposed to take over his dad's company, and with the star athletes and the star athletes' boyfriends and girlfriends.
I'd eventually looked beyond my bubble of thinking my sister was great because she was my sister and I fucking loved her, wondering why she was included in the group of popular students when she wasn't popular. Then I'd had to draw the eventual, inevitable conclusion, and wonder if I belonged to that group. Was I there just because my parents wore costumes and had flashy powers?
I'd settled in despite that. Amy had settled out- hanging out to keep me company, but not going out of her way to stick with the group. It had been easy for her to move in that direction, after I'd gotten powers. I'd been grateful for my earlier realization about the nature of the group, because it kept me real and provided a starting point for realizing where Dean was coming from, having come from money. I'd loathed it at the same time, because it cast doubt on every normal interaction.

• From Within 16.y has Mark regale Amy with a story about how much of an adorable child she was, how Victoria was more a problem child in ways, and how innocent she was in being flustered by a cute hair-dresser

Mark approached, stopping by a table, which he leaned against. "I remember, Amy, you hated to sit still for haircuts."
"I was a terrible child. I get it," Amy muttered.
"No, you were a wonder of a child next to the unholy terror that was Victoria," Mark told her. "And you're a fine woman now. I wish it wasn't such a hard journey to get from there to here, but I'm glad to be here with you in the present moment."
The words seemed to calm Hunter more than they affected Amy.
"You're trying to butter me up."
"You can touch me if you want to tell if I'm sincere."
"Can't. Focusing on Hunter."
"After then."
"No," Amy said. She was pacified, calmer. "No need."
She worked her way through Hunter's brain. There were triggers and flags everywhere. Certain perceptions, certain emotions, attitudes.
Hunter's power was involuntary.
"We'd give you candies to suck on so you couldn't complain while sitting in the chair," Mark said. "And on one particular visit, the last one with the candy, as you'll recall…"
Amy groaned.
"A new hairdresser came up, and she hugged you from behind, looked over your shoulder in the mirror, and she said something to the effect of, 'what would you like us to do, cutie?' She surprised the hell out of you-"
"That wasn't surprise."
"No?" Mark asked. And she could hear the change of tone. He rallied, "But you choked."
"I did choke."
"And you gagged," Mark said, his tone warm. "While you were trying to dislodge the candy. I was thumping your back. And then you threw up, onto the barber's bib, and it wicked straight down onto your shoes."
"I can't believe the world ended and I'm still hearing about it."
"You were inconsolable."

There's obviously more, including how in Worm, Amy single-handedly save the hostages in the bank fight from Skitter. Or how she feels gross about the idea of making people pay for healing.
Amy became a monster, but she was NEVER born bad.

I'm currently dealing with a complete nightmare where I had sudden onset paresthesia (or probably radiculopathy) after a car accident at work. My neck and head were the only things listed on the workers comp form even though I had been having trouble standing up and my entire back hurt the first time I went to the ER. I was told that having back pain is part of having a sprained neck. I probably should have pushed it but I was recovering from a concussion and seriously out of it. Fortunately I have since been able to get PT for my neck but I ended up going to the ER because of the obvious neurological problems and they did a full MRI which showed a few bulges, a protrusion, and most excitingly a central/left paracentral disc herniation at L5/S1 with a focal annular tear causing lateral recess stenosis and impinging left S1.
I'm basically in like medical purgatory where my pcp says it's from the car accident and won't treat it but the occupational medicine doctor alternates between trying to gaslight me into thinking I have ankylosing spodylitis, lying about treatment options, and telling me it's a coincidence. She keeps claiming I had a preexisting condition. There's pretty much no way my back was immaculate before this, but whatever "pathologies" I had before were clearly exacerbated to the point that they're symptomatic now. She's finally switched to saying she can treat it with permission from the adjuster, but she's also saying it's impossible to determine if it was the car accident because I don't have an MRI from before, so the adjuster needs to say it's related and approve treatment. The primary reason for the lack of prior MRI is that I had no back problems before this and they usually don't give out full spine MRIs for fun. I'm pretty sure this also means there's no way to prove it was a coincidence, because I have no previous MRI showing that I had the same degenerate changes before I was in a car accident with a ton of force on my lower back.
Since then (car accident was over a month ago, first ER visit almost a month, second ER visit 2-3 weeks) I've continued having pins and needles and have started to notice that my left big toe droops when I'm at rest. It's getting harder to raise it, and when I walk it just kind of digs into the bottom of my shoe and I've started to get a blister, though tbh I can't really feel it. My foot also kind of flexes down and curls up when I dorsiflex my ankle, and then it's a second movement to extend all my toes unless I'm really focusing.
It's a pretty screwed up situation and I'd really appreciate any support. Not that I'm asking for advice. I'm just having a really hard time coping and I'm sure people here have been through something similar. I've purchased a copy of Treat Your Own Back and I've started using KT tape to make it harder for my toe and ankle to drop down, since my foot does sometimes slap on the floor if I'm tired. Planning on adding some kind of padding under my big toe too for when I'm walking any distance. I guess I'll wait until my foot is completely paralyzed before going to the ER. Not that I'm saying that's going to happen, but being denied treatment while things gradually get worse isn't a great sign. I keep telling myself it might heal on its own and even if it doesn't it takes a while for damage from a pinched nerve to become permanent.