Xmas pin up

Listener Write In - First time poster, HUGE fan of the podcast <3
Me (F,31) and my fiancee (M,32), lets call him James have been together for 4 years and we got engaged 6 months ago. Since we have been engaged, we haven’t been able to make it a month without having a big argument that stems from something very small. For context, 90% of the time we are great. Similar views on life, lifestyles, plans for the future, it’s an easy fulfilling loving relationship. The problem comes when something happens and it’s almost hard to pin point the ‘cause’ of the argument because they are all very random and completely different. A few examples of what’s caused the arguments,

• Asked James to take out the 2 empty Pepsi Max bottles (this is the one that is most recent and is making me write the post)
• We were talking about his Uncles Xmas presents and I had said you had got him quite a lot, and James has mentioned previously that when his family does this it can make the Uncle uncomfortable.
• I asked him not to iron in the living room and to iron in the studio.
• He ate the last of the grapes
• he hadn’t closed the flat door when I had been out.
• He was going away on a trip and when I found out he was sharing the room with a girl (something I had previously said I was not okay with) he made it my fault for finding out.
• I was waiting for James to pick me up for a walk and he was late, and didn’t tell me he would be late. I asked him to tell me if he was going to be late.

After something like this happens, it’s as if James switches and becomes a completely different person. The defence goes up and the attitude/bad behaviour comes out. I call James’ behaviour, ‘bad behaviour’ or ‘attitude' because it comes out in so many different ways. And it can form up in stages. Starting with being stroppy, huffing and puffing, sarcasm, eye rolls and if I say anything like, what’s wrong? Or what’s the matter? It’s met with short quip answers. In the past I would try and get some sort of answer out of him while trying to not be effected by how he was behaving, but using this time as an example I just stayed quiet because I’ve been in this situation many times before and I don’t like to converse when he has this bad behaviour.
There are many other layers to this behaviour, and honestly I have been in these very similar situations with James many times in the past, and it feels like no matter what I try and do, he still behaves the same. If I listen, he’ll blame his behaviour on the way I said something, If I ask questions, he will turn it around and say, why am I asking it like that, If im angry (because I can 100% admit I am not perfect, and having to deal with this immature behaviour has had me at limits), it then turns into I can’t speak to him like that, If I cry he’s said I turn on the water works. As I say the behaviour can show up in different forms, this does feel like one of the lesser ones but to give you a better picture, James shouts, slams doors and drawers, he passive aggressively talks to himself out loud if I’m in the other room, saying sarcastic things or just unnecessarily unkind things, being self deprecating “well of course it’s ALL my fault” etc, one time he pulled off the door to the wardrobe, damaged the floor. He becomes a completely different person when he’s in these moods. When we do try and have conversations, he will change his words, go back on what he said, say that his behaviour is because of something I did or said. So it’s gotten to the point many times that I’ve had to record the arguments or write down notes, because he will change what he says and try to make me think I’m delusional. I’ve even printed out text conversations so I can show him where he’s said things, or where he has contradicted himself. “I never said that!” “Why would I say that?!” “That’s not what I said”, on top of which James can be very harsh and unkind in general with his words when he is in this headspace. I believe this behaviour to be gaslighting, and it is exhausting trying to combat when we are in an argument. When we try and talk, he will contradict and interrupt so much that sometimes I feel more comfortable discussing over text. I repeatedly ask him not to do these things and he continues to do them.
James finds it very hard to self reflect when it comes to how he has behaved. If he does, it takes a while. It’s happened so many times that it averages out to 5-7 days until he is able to see how his attitude was unkind and then we discuss better ways for him to handle it in the future. And apologies for being blunt, but has maybe happened once. The many many other times this has happened, he quickly falls into the same repetitive damaging behaviour. And frequently within these 5-7 days, there will be other discussions that turn into arguments when James falls back on his defence mechanism of taking no accountability and gaslighting me.
He tries to deflect and make it about my reactions rather than looking at his actions. But I think that without his actions there wouldn’t be any reactions. And when I say that to James, his response is frequently, “oh so it’s all my fault!”. It feels like anything I say, or anything I do while in an argument becomes something else he can and will use against me in the future. During the days of waiting for James to realise the damage of his behaviour, we miss many many things like holidays, events, shows, special occasions, he’s left me at the cinema before.
A few side notes, I have been to therapy and now try to encourage James or even just friends to talk about feelings, mental health and be open to what people are going through. If anything seems unclear, to communicate to the best of my ability. James and I speak probably once or twice a week about how we both are, if we have things coming up that might cause problems etc. Sometimes while James is in this attitude headspace he will use mental health to deflect away from his behaviour, choosing the middle of arguments to bring up things he’s never spoken about saying things like “no wonder I feel worthless” “my self-esteem is shot. 90%+ of the people I’m in contact with make me feel inferior”.
Bringing up things like this, and saying this like this in the middle of argument feels like deflection and manipulation. He also has these micro aggressions like changing the settings in our chat, to black and white, removing hearts to thumbs up, changing the settings on my tv so its all distorted when I turn it on. Most recently he was annoyed at something and dropped me off at the flat, and the second I closed the door he races off in the car, the door nearly closed on my hand and it made my dog jump out her skin. In isolation are these things terrible, no. But coupled with how James acts, they are very immature and unnecessary.
I wish he was able to work on processing his emotions and self reflect with out damaging our relationship in the process. I know Im not perfect and I’m afraid to have a natural response to something in fear of how he’ll respond to it. If I’m actually annoyed at him for something, I feel I can’t have a natural emotion for fear of his reaction being bigger, and then be in a weeks long argument. If I book something, there is a 50/50 chance that it’ll happen, it makes everything about our relationship very uneasy. I feel I can’t rely on him while he’s unable to control this behaviour and take accountability for his actions.
James has been to therapy for a different issue, and I asked him if he would be open to trying it again a few arguments prior. He said he would, has had 3 sessions and told me his therapist thinks I'm forcing him to go. Which is a whole other kettle of fish. I don't know how he's speaking in his sessions (and tbh that's his business) but i feel the therapist might not be getting the whole story. I feel very defeated by this whole situation. The uncertainly of not knowing when he is next going to go into this mood is making it increasingly difficult to plan anything for the future. Appreciate any help.

I do not want this shared to other groups or reposed.
Theres a lot of backstory here but to summarize briefly as I can... MIL has been absolutely terrible to me and I finally went VLC/Basically NC over a year ago. At the time, my partner did the same. There was a "straw that broke the camels back" incident. He attempted to have a conversation with her to lay out boundaries/to discuss the way she was treating us and she did the typical DARVO b.s., and added in some racism and homophobia to boot. After all this, she went on a smear campaign and told anyone she could corner all about how terrible we were and also very likely outed me to a bunch of people in the process (I'm Bi/ I have many LGBTQ friends and family members, and part of the problem I have w her is that she is RABIDLY homophobic/transphobic). The smear campaign involved mutual friends, my SO's relatives, and even his coworkers (he and his father work for the same company. She came in to visit her husband and while waiting just... started sh&t talking us to a bunch of other people my SO works with???).
This has created rifts with other family members as well. Over the lasy yr I tried REALLY hard to maintain a connection with his brother, sister and father. SIL and BIL had previously been very rude to us on a number of occasions, but I was trying to keep an open mind and give things a shot because I didn't know how much of that was potentially a result of MIL meddling (she has definitely been known to lie about people, triangulate etc). SO expressed that he wanted to try to have a good relationship w his father and siblings despite MIL and I wanted that too. But over the last yr his siblings have repeatedly blown us off when we have reached out/ tried to spend time with them/ taken time to purchase gifts for their kids around holidays and all the while, have ALSO, like MIL, gossiped behind our backs and tried to tell people we're "always busy" and "we don't make time" and "we put no effort into being good aunts/uncles"... There's no justification and I don't understand why the are not only being very inconsiderate of our time/ making no effort, but ALSO lying about it and making it sound as if we don't care about having relationships with their kids. I've never once had any kind of blow out w them and they're always superficially nice to our faces so its truly baffling.
His Father, who I initially saw as a victim of MILs abuse, has not stood up to he has not stood up for his son and has even gone as far as trying to guilt/persuade my SO into breaking NC/LC and "fixing things with his mother". Which my SO can't do because HE DIDN'T BREAK THINGS TO BEGIN WITH, he basically just told her to apologize and do better or we would be staying away. I have tried several times, when we plan family gatherings (sans MIL), to invite SO's father and siblings... even if they just want to come for coffee after the meal to see us/spend some time w our kids (because I get that they're in the middle). Not once has anyone shown up. They refuse unless I invite MIL back into our home (which isn't happening). To be clear, MIL COULD HAVE fixed this a long time ago, had she just apologized and cut the crap. But she instead, doubled down and smeared us/ramped up the bigoted posting online etc. She also pressured FIL to get her a job at the company he and my SO work at, so now NC is impossible for my SO. (Changing jobs isn't an option. This is a very small town/rural area and theres not a lot of job options. SO would have to take a massive pay cut and we simply can not afford that at this time.)
At this point, My SO has tried to talk with her 3 times and all 3 times she has denied any wrong doing/ has gone as far as twisting things/lying and trying to pin this whole shit show on ME (basically claiming that I've always been rude/nasty to he didn't make any effort to have a relationship etc). This is patently untrue, my SO *fully acknowledges* its untrue and defends me (at least thats what he says, I do believe him though). She (MIL) has demanded twice that I come face hediscuss this stuff and I basically told my SO that I will do this if he wants me to, BUT given that she obviously hasn't changed/ is actively lying about us and sabotaging his relationships with other family members I DON'T think it will go well because I WILL tell her exactly what I think of her. (*And tbh, I think thats exactly what she wants... to badger me until I blow up on her so she can play victim). I want nothing to do with her unless she has a serious epiphany (unlikely), and even if she did... after all she has done I don't know if I could ever feel safe around he have any desire to break bread with her or have her involved with my children. And the last year has left me feeling the same way abt his siblings and his enabler father (who my SO is having a hard time accepting was JUST AS MUCH a part of the abuse as his mother through his refusal to stand up to his wife).
I'm just very resentful and sick of them all, so I'm done trying. I'm dropping the rope w his siblings and not buying things for their kids anymore (SO can set himself up to get sh&t on over and over if he wants. I'm over it). I'm not inviting his dad over again when I host to give him a chance to form relationships with So, me and the kids outside of his wife. I'm just REALLY DONE.
More recently SO has placated the family by going to his parents as if nothing is wrong. Not nearly as often as we used to before the blow out, but he started by going to special occasion stuff for his Dad at his parents house when we had previously only been attending things if they were large/ at neutral locations so we could avoid MIL. I said nothing about this bc I knew he wanted to celebrate things that were for his father and that he basically had to choose between (example) not seeing him on fathers day or seeing him at his house, with his mother. But more recently he has started doing things FOR her (example) like attending a dinner that was for her birthday and... I don't know how I feel about it?
I have told him since day 1 that he can go see her if he wants because I strongly feel that cutting her off needs to be HIS decision, not mine. But I also can't help but feel very betrayed by him going to things that are foabout her because in my mind this is different than him attending something for his father or his brother and tolerating her because he HAS to to see them. IDK that she would have ever "changed", but I DO feel like as long as he continues to show up for events that are just for her, theres basically no real consequence for the way she treated me. To be fair, he has not done this for every holiday or anything, there have been some big ones that he hasn't gone to see his parents too (Xmas being one). On major holidays he IS putting me/the kids first. So I don't know if I'm wrong to feel somewhat hurt by the fact that he would go celebrate her special occasion days with her or not. I may just be bitter and angry here... but I can tell you that if ether of my parents ever treated my SO the way his mother treated me I would shun them ENTIRELY. Theres serious emeshment/emotional incest/ possessiveness of both of her sons on her (MIL's) part and I guess maybe it feels to me like her son (my SO) going to her without me kinda gives her *exactly what she wanted all along* (as in, his undivided attention/ to be the most important woman in the room).
I feel this way because aside from the overt bigotry, MIL constantly had to be the Main Character and The Controller and would lose her shit and attack people or throw tantrums when she wasn't. She was obnoxious at everything I ever tried to host and made it weird or unpleasant for everyone else. Would flip out if we hosted and didn't want to then go to additional gatherings and actually have some holiday time *alone* as a family (bc on top of creating drama when I hosted, she, SIL or both always had to have another holiday gathering *in addition* to what we planned like it was a competition, often she or SIL would make their gatherings conflict w gatherings SO and I had planned LONG before they planned theirs, so other family members had to choose). One year she even tried to force us into seeing her all 3 days of my partners birthday weekend (and threw a huge fit when we set aside ONE DAY of THREE to spend together as a nuclear family).
She would also be openly resentful about any positive attention I received from others (most especially my SO or his father) and would make some effort to belittle or humiliate me pretty much anytime we all got together (this looked like criticizing 95% of what I cooked (Not trying to sound conceited but I'm talented in the kitchen and she seems to hate that). She accused me of "purposely cooking things I knew she couldn't eat" (while constantly changing the rules about what she could and could not eat?), and was nasty if my SO did anything nice for me (he cleared my plate and grabbed me a glass of water once when I was in the rest room not feeling well and she essentially called me lazy/ implied he "does everything for me"/ said that as the woman I should clear HIS plate). She has openly criticized/challenged my parenting decisions in front of others (INCLUDING MY KIDS), has told me my spiritual views (which differ from hers) are irrelevant/wrong etc, has openly (as in, in the middle of a crowded room, LOUDLY) called me names like "hick" /made fun of me because I grew up in Appalachia (which by extension, is also sh%tting on my entire family), has outright LIED about me to try to get my SO/My SO's family members mad at me, and was extremely possessive of my SO when we came to family events together (by *aggressively* referring to him as "HER SON" or "HER BABY BOY", fiddling with his hair, trying to make him sit with her at large gatherings instead of by me and HIS KIDS)... the hurtful b.s. is ENDLESS.
So suffice to say, *I know* I was justified in going NC with her and also feel I am justified in going LC and dropping the rope with his other family members, but I am looking for advice/opinions on whether its "fair" for me to be upset that he is going to see her on her special occasion days because I've been feeling hurt by it and I'm trying to sort out my own feelings/ figure out what is and isn't reasonable (especially since I said it was OK). Also wanting to know if I would be totally unreasonable if I told my SO I don't want to hear about his family AT ALL, or be brought up/discussed when he is with them. We recently had a HUGE fight because I was upset over the way his siblings have acted and I basically told him that while I'm not cutting them off (yet, I'm debating it tbh) I'm not buying them gifts or letting myself get jerked around by them anymore (they have a bad habit of asking to make plans or giving wishy washy answers when we invite them to do things, just to blow us off with less than 24hrs notice). I said that going forward if they were invited to something he needed to give them an RSVP date and say "no, sorry, we cant see you" if they don't give an RSVP by the date (I'm tired of buying /cooking twice as much food as we need or getting stuff for the kids just to feel gutted when the gifts I took a lot of time/effort to select are still sitting under the Christmas tree 3 weeks after the holiday/getting MY kids all excited to see their kids just to be blown off last min). So... basic FAIR boundaries given their pattern of behavior... I think? (opinions welcomed)
I also, in this convo, tried to express how hurt/disgusted I have been by his dad making no effort to stand up for us/ respect our NC w his mom, or to see us/the kids outside of her. SO basically said I'm making it "all about me" when HE was the one who was really being made to suffer bc "he's in the middle" (Not sure where thats coming from, since he fully acknowledges I did nothing wrong and his family is treating us like garbage??). He then yelled at me saying that I "always sh&t talk his family" (which I think is a very different thing than me TELLING THE TRUTH about how their actions have hurt me/the kids or me TELLING THE TRUTH about their behavior being unhealthy/abusive??). I don't just out of the blue make disparaging comments about these people for no reason and I am NOT the one bringing them up 95% of the time. The only time I mention them AT ALL is when I am making efforts to reach out (which I'm not going to do anymore), or when they come up bc they blew us off again, or because my SO is *coming to me* UPSET/irritated/hurt about how he is being treated by them.
Essentially if I'm "talking sh&t", its usually because HE CAME TO ME with some crazy b.s. they pulled and I'm trying to support him by reinforcing that yes, this IS INDEED crazy b.s.
But for some reason it seems like its ok for HIM to say it, but not ok for ME to say it? Like its ok for HIM to be hurt by their behavior, but not ok for ME to be, because its SO much worse for him so I guess I should just... not be able to lean on my partner and expect his support on days I'm feeling bitter, stressed or upset about it? He's basically telling me I'm supposed to just sit there quietly and say/feel/express NOTHING when he tells me about terrible things they say and do?? Because "he already KNOWS they're awful and doesn't need to hear it from me". I feel like thats... not ok (again, opinions welcome) and frankly speaking, I don't think I can do that for him. Maybe thats crappy on my part but I've tried and the negativity that wells up inside me when I hear about the horrible things they say and do is truly overwhelming. It triggers all the pain and resentment I'm carrying around due to the way I've been treated personally, and when I hear about the things they do that are damaging to him it's even **more** unbearable. I DO understand that since this is his family the whole situations gotta be worse for him, but I don't think it's right for him to minimize the way its impacting me/ to behave as if its not still pretty major for me, or to not acknowledge the ways their refusal to respect out time, our autonomy as an individual family or to respect me as a person have caused fights and damaged our relationship/held us back as a couple.
IDK how else to handle that besides telling him fine, if he doesn't want to hear me tell him they're abusive/ wrong in how they behave that MAYBE he should just NOT DUMP IT ON ME THEN?? I feel like he expects me to just like... be a confessional booth and have no feelings of my own? And I also feel like he thinks its not valid for me to be hurt and resentful and DONE because (his words) "you don't even deal with them anymore so its not a problem for you". NC or not, I still have to see them crush him down to nothing, I still have to live with the fact that I have been slandered, I still have to deal w him being clearly stressed/ at least partly mentally checked out/ short and snippy w me bc he is stressed bc of their behaviobc of me being NC so it certainly IS still a HUGE problem for me.
So YEA... The question here is: If this comes up again would I be wrong to say "Ok fine, if you don't wanna hear what I think about their crappy behavior DON'T DISCUSS THEM WITH ME THEN!"? Is that unreasonable?? It feels wrong because my gut wants me to be supportive/ I want to tell him that of course he can come to me with anything that hurts him. Thats (in my mind) what partners should do. But though he is supporting me being NC, he *isn't* supporting me when I need to talk about the pain of his family not accepting OUR family as a legitimate family unit, or about the frustration/ humiliation I've experienced when I have tried to reach out/to have separate relationships with his Dad and siblings outside of MIL (FOR MY SO's SAKE) and have basically been rejected each and every time. And he IS still making sure to attend MILs special occasion days despite her making no effort to change or apologize which as I explained, feels almost like its rewarding her with his undivided attention/ and like a huge betrayal to me but IDK if I am justified in feeling like that ether.
Any insight is appreciated. I'm not trying to make this post about trash talking my SO. Its a complicated situation for him and I do think he's trying/that he genuinely wants our relationship to work. He grew up in a very emeshed/emotionally abusive dynamic and his normal meter is broken. I knew when I met him and started to see the full picture of what his family was like that this relationship would be tough at times. I think that confronting his Mom was really brave/ a major step for him, and I do think he is capable of progress. I just also feel like he may have taken a few steps backwards so I'm trying to A. Do a pulse check to see if I'm being steered by bitterness/unreasonable / to see if my feelings are valid and B. I am trying to figure out how to support him without hurting him (and without letting him hurt or disregard ME).

By way of background, I'm M/49 years old (Ireland) , currently a few kilos overweight but very active and usually fit. Symptoms emerged in March 2023. (i was previously diagnosed with Degenerative Disc Disease in 2018 - rehabbed symptoms and didn't have any back issues prior to last year). I started feeling soreness in hip especially when turning in bed. My physio diagnosed a gluteal tendinopathy and set out out a strengthening program while maintaining some level of running (about twice a week).
His approach was that rest or inactivity is detrimental to tendinopathy's so managing pain as long as it doesn't get any worse is key. I remained relatively active over the summer with a lot of cycling and gym classes with a couple of runs a week. The pain levels were about a 4-5 on the days that it was bad - maybe a 2-3 on good days. I was crippled getting out of bed during the night and first thing in the morning. I was generally good with my rehab - maintaining about 2 self directed strength/PT sessions a week.
While the pain in the hip was still there (especially in bed) I managed to get up to about 4 days running a week with gym classes and some cycling too. I did about consecutive 10 weeks in August/SeptembeOctober of an average 25 mile so was feeling more positive about things despite still feeling pain in the hip.
Disaster struck over the Xmas period where I had a severe flare up following a 14 hour flight. I ended up on crutches for 7 days of a family holiday to Australia where I have never experienced pain like this. it took about 20 days for the pain to subside. I got an MRI of my hip when I returned (at the time I didn't know it was my back causing the issue as all the pain was in the hip and hamstring)
I went to my physio who diagnosed nerve compression/pinched nerve in my back (he did not say herniation) He said the intense pain I was getting in my hip over the last three weeks was my sciatic nerve. A slump test confirmed this and the symptoms.
Anyway I started rehabbing my back and did three solid weeks of rehab where the symptoms and pain cleared up and pain levels were about a 2 (in the hip) . I did some cross training and bike work was feeling really good about things. I had a lingering low level pain in my glute which I put down to the preexisting injury.
End of week 3 I did a 1 x min run/2 min walk by 10 times. I wasn't comfortable and the next day I felt pins and needles in leg and over the weekend my symptoms increased to experience exactly what I had at Christmas (extreme pain in hamstring, pain radiating down the leg etc.). This was very painful, couldn't walk for the best of two weeks and was waking up during the night with pain shooting down the leg. I was prescribed VIMOVO and Amitriptyline to deal with the pain as well as Solpadine (Codeine) I had another MRI on the back and this showed disc herniation at L4/L5 irritating the sciatic nerve. A spinal consultant confirmed the disc herniation however he said the prognosis is good and don't meet the threshold for surgery (thankfully) and if I need an injection in its available to me.
I have been diligent with my rehab and have done 30 gym based PT/ Strength sessions since the 2nd flare up and the pain is now 1/10 ...lingering pain in the hamstring on certain movements (sitting up / getting out of bed) . I am now more cautious in my return to exercise and keeping active with lots of PT, walking and stationary bike. I now understand I need to read my body's signal better.
TLDR: I thought I had a glute tendinopathy but it was actually the start of a disc herniation that resulted in two serious flare ups in the space of 6 weeks. Adherence to PT plan and doing at least 4 sessions a week is working and I am improving but progress is slow

This week’s vintage batch features gold and sterling silver pens from the Big Four American makers as well as a wondrous telescoping pen with a dip pen nib retrofit. Nibs this week are exceptionally flexible, with several Wet Noodles included in the bunch. As always, all are fully restored and ready to write.
 
ALBUM & TIMESTAMP
 
Pastable link: https://imgur.com/a/lZQmy9d
 
Condition (n.b.): All pens listed below have been disassembled, cleaned and restored with new sacs installed in the last couple weeks. Each of these pens is guaranteed to fill and write as designed without leaks or other problems. Nibs have been adjusted when necessary to ensure that all lay down a smooth and consistent line.
THESE PENS HAVE NO CRACKS (except #2), CHIPS, PERSONALIZATIONS (except #1, #3, #4, and #9), LOOSE OR MISSING PARTS, BENT NIBS, MISALIGNED TINES, BROKEN/WORN OFF TIPPING, OR THREADING ISSUES. ALL PENS IN THIS BATCH HAVE NICE, ROUND ENDS WITH NO DEFORMATIONS.
 
Line Widths and Writing Samples: To provide buyers with as much information as possible, I have started to adopt the following line width standards: XXF (.1-.2mm); XF (approx .3mm); F (approx .4mm); M (approx .6mm); B (approx .8mm). Nib flexibility is determined by variation (max line width under pressure) and softness (amount of pressure). Flexibility designations based on variation generally run as follows for an XF/F nib: Semi-Flex (approx. 1mm); Flex (1.2-1.9mm); Superflex (>2mm). All line width measurements are taken with a digital caliper but should be considered approximations providing a general guide. Width may vary slightly depending on type of ink and paper used as well as amount of pressure applied. All writing samples are on Rhodia dot paper using Waterman Serenity Blue.
 
 
1. c. 1918 Waterman 0552 1/2 LEC (18k GF Plain over BHR, lever filler, 14k XF Superflex nib). This full-length, slender (1/2) model measures 5 1/8” capped. Waterman’s “long-end-covered” (LEC) overlays are generally tougher to find than their open-ended counterparts. This pen is made of black hard rubber with an 18k gold-filled overlay in the plain pattern with knurled barrel-end ('18kt Gold-Filled' stamped on clip and underside of lever globe). Super-Flexible 14k Ideal #2 nib lays down a smooth and consistent XF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.4mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Thin hairlines, strong snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it a great choice for calligraphic writing styles such as Copperplate and Spencerian. Condition: excellent- [B-]. The side of the barrel bears a professionally engraved inscription in elegant Copperplate script: “From Film Boys of New Haven” (see album photo) What an enigmatic message! Google hasn’t much to offer about these film boys. Perhaps it was a gift to the owner of an early movie theater, or one of the employees upon his/her retirement? In addition to this is a professionally engraved monogram “I.L.” on the captop – an unusual place for a monogram. This pen is free of brassing apart from a thin sliver around the top edge of the cap’s crown. There are no full-fledged dents on the overlay, but there are a couple pin-sized dings on the barrel and several on the cap, mostly grouped around the breather hole right of the clip (see timestamp photo). None so big as to detract from the beauty of the pen. There is also one short scratch above that breather that penetrates the plating (see timestamp photo). Other than that, the pen is quite clean. Hard rubber is factory black. Manufacturer imprints on the barrel and cap as well as model stamp on barrel-end are factory deep. A lovely writer with an alluring history. Price: $300 $280 SOLD
 
2. 1920s Redipoint Overlay (GF, lines pattern, lever filler, 14k XF Flex nib). This full-sized model measures 5” capped. This gold-filled (marked “rolled gold,” which is the same thing) all metal pen is made by the Ingersoll Redipoint company, once based in Saint Paul, Minnesota. Smart vertical line pattern on cap and barrel. Flexible 14k Redipoint #2 nib lays down a smooth and consistent XF line that widens to a 3B+ (approx 1.7mm) under moderate pressure. Thin hairlines, strong snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it a good choice for shaded writing and expressive styles (see WRITING SAMPLE). Condition: fair [D]. This pen would grade as near mint were it not for a tight hairline crack in the barrel threads (DETAIL PHOTO). The cap still screws on and off securely without cross-threading. And since the barrel is metal, I wouldn’t expect it to worsen with regular use. This has significantly factored into the price all the same. This pen is otherwise close to flawless: no dents, dings, brassing, deep scratches or other notable flaws. Manufacturer imprints on cap are deep and fully legible. Price: $70 SOLD
 
3. 1920s US Fountain Pen GF Telescoping Pen (18k GF, checker and bar pattern, lever filler, 14k XXF Wet Noodle nib). This 3-part telescoping pen measures a lengthy 6 1/4” fully extended (without the cap) and a handy 4 1/4” retracted and capped. But you can essentially choose your length by partially extending either barrel section. The US Fountain Pen Company, once based in New York, is an obscure, first-quality manufacturer of the early 20th century. In collector circles they are largely known for this early collaboration with Parker to produce telescoping ringtop pens with gold overlays: pens that had extra sections over the barrel that retracted for added length. This pen exhibits all the quality and exquisite details of the Watermans, Wahls, and Parkers in this batch. And thanks to its 3-part barrel construction, it has a substantial heft in the hand. Cap is marked 18k gold-filled and is machine turned in a checker line and bar pattern. Ring at the top for attaching to a chatelaine or pocket chain. Two barrel sections retract smoothly yet hold securely while writing, revealing the lever with which the pen is filled. This pen came to me nibless, so I’ve performed one of my custom dip-pen nib retrofits that’s a particularly good match, performing with the same smoothness and consistency under flex as a factory nib. That 14k iridium-tipped nib, stamped Winsor & Mason, is a Wet Noodle with painterly softness and flow. It lays down a smooth and consistent XXF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.0mm) under minimal pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Don’t be misled by the max line width, which is about as wide as they come for a nib this size. This nib is soft, the tines widening at the slightest variation in pressure. Needlepoint hairlines, strong snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it an ideal choice for calligraphic writing styles such as Copperplate and Spencerian. Condition: excellent [B]. This pen has a professionally engraved monogram (“WGD”) on the cap indicia designed for this purpose – a common practice for precious metal pens. The pen is free of brassing, dents, or dings apart from a couple pin-sized dings close-together on the barrel visible in the first phot and some shallow indentations on the bulbous portion at the barrel-end. The only other noteworthy blemish is some wear to the section overlay – common on metal sections from contact with inner caps when screwed down. On the whole, a fine example of a highly uncommon pen with an ingenuous design – quite a lovely writer too! Price: $360 SOLD
 
4. c.1917-21 Sheaffer Gold-Filled Overlay Ring Top (GF over HR, checker and bar Gothic pattern, lever filler, 14k XXF/XF Superflex nib). Measures 4" capped and 5 1/8" posted. It was Walter A. Sheaffer who first patented the lever-filling fountain pen in 1908. In 1912 he founded the Sheaffer pen company and his revolutionary design was met with resounding acclaim. Most of their model lineup in this period – before stiff, manifold nibs became the rage in the mid-20s – was comprised of simple black hard rubber pens with long-tined gold nibs. They are every bit as flexible as early Waterman's, which are more common today, but Sheaffer's are typically more responsive (having stronger snap-back). This ring top model has a gold-filled overlay in the checker pattern Waterman called “Gothic.” Super-Flexible 14k Sheaffer Self-Filling #2 nib lays down a smooth and consistent XXF/XF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.1mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Thin hairlines, strong snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it another great choice for calligraphic writing styles. Condition: excellent [B]. This pen bears an ornately elegant monogram in Gothic script on the barrel indicia designed for this purpose – a common practice for precious metal pens. The overlay is free of brassing but for a thin sliver around the edge of the barrel-end. No dents or dings, but there are some small spots on the cap near the breather holes where the surface appears a little irregular but the plating is intact, also one notable short scratch above (see DETAIL PHOTO). Hard rubber portions are factory black with no fading. Manufacturer imprints deep and fully legible. Price: $200 $180 SOLD
 
5. c.1917-21 Sheaffer Gold-Filled Overlay Ring Top (plain GF over HR, lever filler, 14k XF/F Wet Noodle Nib). Measures 4" capped and 5 1/8" posted. For more on early Sheaffers, see #4 above. This elegant ring top is made of hard rubber with a gold-filled overlay that is plain aside from 4 sets of mechanically etched double lines. 14k Sheaffer Self-Filling #2 nib is a Wet Noodle in no uncertain terms, having the softness and flow characteristics of a dip pen nib. It lays down a smooth and consistent XF/F line (depending on ink) that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.6mm with Gray measured at the rightmost loop) under minimal pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE - please excuse feathering from a bit of water left in the pen after flushing). I had to slow down a lot with Serenity Blue for the sake of consistency under full flex, so I switched to Omas Gray, which solved the problem altogether. So some ink experimentation might be in order to find the ones that perform best. Thin hairlines, superbly responsive snap-back, effortless variation, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it an ideal choice for calligraphic writing styles such as Copperplate and Spencerian. Condition: excellent- [B-]. Plain overlays like this one are especially prone to showing blemishes hidden by patterned ones. This one shows no deep scratches or anything I’d call a dent, but there are some pin-sized dings here and there, particularly on the knurled barrel-end (see timestamp photo). There are also thin slivers of brassing around the edge of the cap’s crown and around the end of the barrel overlay on the nib-side. There is also one tiny mark on the right tine behind the tipping that’s merely cosmetic, having no affect on how the nib writes. Hard rubber retains its factory black color with no fading. “Sheaffer’s” engraving on barrel overlay is deep and fully legible. Price: $200 SOLD
 
6. 1920s Wahl All-Metal Pen (GF, Grecian Border pattern, lever filler, 14k XXF Superflex nib). Measures 4 1/4” capped and 5 3/4” posted. A relative latecomer to the FP market in the late 1910s, Wahl applied the manufacturing techniques it had long used to make mechanical pencils to the production of a new, "all metal" fountain pen (as opposed to metal over hard rubber). Over the course of the 1920s, these pens became a canvas for a plethora of Art Deco patterns, which where mechanically engraved into the pens – or "engine turned," as the catalogues put it. This gold-filled example exhibits the pattern Wahl called “Grecian Border,” complemented by Art Deco clip stamped “Wahl.” Super-Flexible 14k Wahl Pen #2 nib lays down a smooth and consistent XXF that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.1mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Needlepoint hairlines, superbly responsive snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it another great choice for calligraphic writing styles. Condition: excellent [B]. Metal has no dents, dings or brassing. But there are 3 short scratches that bear mention: one in the center of the clip, one on the side of the cap (see timestamp photo) and one of the same size on the blank barrel indicia. Otherwise this pen is near mint – even the delicate section is clean. Manufacturer imprints are deep and fully legible. Price: $230 SOLD
 
7. c.1918 Wahl Hand-Engraved Sterling Tempoint Overlay (Sterling Silver over HR w/ hand-engraved Art Nouveau pattern, lever filler, 14k XF Wet Noodle nib). This short, standard girth model measures 4 5/16” capped and 5 7/8” posted. Having purchased the assets of the Boston Fountain Pen Company, Wahl began manufacturing fountain pens in 1917. Wahl’s first pens were essentially rebranded Bostons and Tempoints (a NY company they acquired in 1918). Tempoints are harder to find than later Wahls by a long chalk and are commensurably more desirable – especially the overlays. This one differs from the Wahls to follow in that it's not an all-metal pen but a sterling silver overlay (as marked) atop hard rubber. Pen has a substantial heft in the hand. The overlay is deeply and ornately hand-engraved in a highly uncommon pattern comprised of a beautiful, dramatically burgeoning flower on the cap and a leaf-and-flower motif on the barrel enframing the indicia for engraving, which has been left blank in this case (DETAIL PHOTO). The hand-engraved details are deeper and more exquisite than you’ll find on hand-engraved Vines from Waterman, Sheaffer, et al. The work is downright masterful, and IIRC this pattern was only available on this smaller model. Patented, functional roller clip on the cap. And to top it off, the 14k Wahl Tempoint #2 nib is a Wet Noodle with flow and softness rivaling that of a dip pen nib. It lays down a smooth and consistent XF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.5mm) under minimal pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Thin hairlines, superbly responsive snap-back, effortless variation, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it an ideal choice for calligraphic writing styles such as Copperplate and Spencerian. Condition: excellent/near mint [B+]. This pen comes from my personal collection, some 20 years in the making. As with other sterling silver pens, I’ve opted to polish it modestly to enable it to develop a nice patina. Any darker areas you’re seeing are that patina, not damage. The sterling surface has no dents, dings, deep scratches, or other notable blemishes. And hard rubber parts are factory black with no fading. Manufacturer imprints are deep and fully legible. A museum-quality example of a rare pen and another delightful writer. Price: $370 SOLD
 
8. 1919-25 Parker Acid-Etched Sterling Ring Top (Sterling Silver, acid-etched Brocade pattern, button filler, 14k XF/F Stubby Semi-Flex nib). This short model measures 4 5/8” capped and 5 5/8” posted. There were many ways to apply a design to an overlay, ranging from hand engraving (see #7) to machine turning (see #6). But for a brief period, Parker experimented with a process whereby acid was used to chemically etch the pattern into the overlay. The result, as on this example, is an intricate pattern made up of thin vertical lines that has an appearance all its own. These pens are quite rare and I’ve never seen a full-sized variant. This sterling silver example (as marked) displays what Parker called the Brocade pattern – a design that has no precedent or analogue on other overlays. This pen is a ring top designed to attach to a chatelaine or pocket chain. Also notable are the intricately knurled cap crown (threaded) and blind cap, which are both solid sterling as opposed to the hard rubber commonly used for other Parker overlays. All of this gives it a substantial heft in the hand for its size. This pen is a button filler. To fill simply remove the blind cap, submerse the nib, and depress the metal button once. Lucky Curve “Xmas” Tree feed is a match for the 14k Lucky Curve #2 nib, a Semi-Flexible writer that lays down a smooth and consistent XF/F line that widens to a 2B/3B (approx 1.2mm) under moderate pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). The nib has a Stubby character though I’m not sure I’d call it a full-fledged Stub – cross-strokes being slightly thinner than down-strokes. Condition: excellent [B]. This pen comes from my personal collection and is the fruit of 20 years hunting the best example I could find. I believe I’ve only saw 2-3 of these in all that time. As with other sterling silver pens, I’ve opted to polish it modestly to enable it to develop a nice patina. The sterling surface no deep scratches or other notable blemishes aside from 3 inconspicuous dings on the barrel that blend into the pattern. Due to the all metal construction of the barrel, these could be smoothened by a professional with the properly sized mandrel. Manufacturer imprints on cap are deep and fully legible. A rare pen and an interesting piece of Parker history. Price: $350 SOLD
 
9. 1919-25 Parker Sterling Ring Top (Sterling Silver, plain, button filler, 14k XXF/XF Superflex nib). This short model measures 4 5/8” capped and 5 9/16” posted. This pen is identical to #8 but with an elegantly understated plain overlay and a larger #3-size nib. It’s made of sterling silver (as marked) with ring top on cap designed to attach to a chatelaine or pocket chain. Intricately knurled cap crown (threaded) and blind cap are both solid sterling as opposed to the hard rubber commonly used for other Parker overlays. All of this gives it a substantial heft in the hand for its size. This pen is a button filler. To fill simply remove the blind cap, submerse the nib, and depress the metal button once. Lucky Curve “Xmas” Tree feed is a match for the 14k Lucky Curve #3 nib. That nib is a Super-Flexible writer that lays down a smooth and consistent XXF/XF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.0mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). This pen especially excels in the snap-back department, having a surgical precision that responds to the slightest variation in pressure. By far the snappiest of the batch. That as well as its thin hairlines and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it another great choice for calligraphic writing styles. Condition: excellent [B]. Another pen from my personal collection. This pen’s barrel bears the professionally engraved name of “L. Ott” in a highly stylized script. No deep scratches, dents, dings, or other notable flaws aside from one small ding on the barrel to the top right of the monogram in the timestamp photo. Manufacturer imprints on cap are deep and fully legible. Not as scarce as #8 but no sterling overlay by Parker is exactly easy to hunt down these days. And this one has a nib that’s guaranteed to please. Price: $330 SOLD
 
 
 
Shipping: Pens purchased on the weekend are mailed on Tuesday. Otherwise they are mailed within 2 business days of payment. All pens that do not come with their original boxes are packaged in PVC or thick plastic tubes to protect them in transit. To CONUS locations the following shipping options are available:

• USPS First-Class with tracking for $5 Due to the delivery delays that continue under postmaster general DeJoy, I strongly recommend that the Priority shipping option be chosen. All packages will include full insurance (covered by me). Rest assured that a full refund is guaranteed (issued through Paypal) in the event of a lost parcel and you will not have to wait until I receive a reimbursement from the USPS.
  
• USPS Priority with tracking for $9
  

International Customers: Please contact me for shipping quote if located abroad (delivery confirmation required). (Note: due to the issues stated above, my international shipping options are currently limited. PM for more info). Please do not ask me to commit mail fraud by altering the declared value of a pen for customs. Not only am I registered as a business but shipping insurance is based on declared value.
New York Customers: For tax purposes, I am now required to add an 8% sales tax on any sale made in the state of NY. If your shipping address is in NY state, please let me know before payment to receive an adjusted total. Discounted shipping is included for NY State residents to help defray the extra cost.
Ordering: Pens are placed on hold for the first person to reply to the thread and PM me with firm request to purchase (no chat DMs please). A request with the words “I'd like to purchase [pen number]” would be best to avoid confusion), to which I’ll reply with payment details. Please note that a message inquiring into a price discount does not suffice to place a pen on hold. If I haven't received Paypal payment within 24 hrs after a hold is placed, then pen(s) may become available to the next person.
Payment, & Guarantee: Payment by Paypal only. All pens are guaranteed to be in the condition in which I've described them. If I've missed something objectionable or the filling mechanism is not fully functional, the buyer may contact me up to 7 days after receiving the pen for a full refund (issued once I receive the pen back in the same condition as sold). Buyer must ship the return no later than 2 weeks after it was delivered to receive a refund. I've sold pens online for over a decade. Please check my past listings here as well as on the classifieds and historical sales forums on FPN (username: Estragon) and FPGeeks (popcod) for some of my previous offerings.
 
 
OTHER OPEN LISTINGS

• WA Hartline Self-Blotting Pen w/ Masonic Emblem
  
• Waterman Nurse’s Sets
  
• Off-Catalogue Sheaffer Stubby Balance Lifetime
  
• Psychedelic Bayard Excselsior
  
• Vintage Japanese Hand-Painted Goldfish Lever-Filler
  
• Eversharp Stenograph (thin “Doric”) Waterman Taperite Citation
  
• Conklin Enduras, Nozac
  

Tom "Dynamite Kid" Billington was born December 5th, 1958
Bret Hart says Tom's lineage can be traced back to a family of executioners who hung criminals in the early 19th century. There was a family of executioners with the last name Billington, though its unclear if Tom came from them.
Tom says he was a prankster and describes how when he was a kid and found a doll meant to be an Xmas gift for his little sister, he painted it all blue.
Tom describes how his father was strict and would punch or smack him hard without warning if he thought Tom was misbehaving. Tom says his dad once broke his nose, and he doesn't remember what the reason was.
Tom tells a story about a kid he called Jimmy Parrot (because he had a big nose) who once shoulder checked Tom. Tom chased him down and slammed his head into a wall, leaving him a bloody mess. Tom says he was scared of his dad's reaction and hid all day until his dad found him, took him to Jimmy's house and tried goading the kid out so Jimmy and Tom could "settle it." Jimmy didn't come out.
Tom's met Ted Bently, who used to wrestle under a mask as Dr. Death. Ted took one look at Tom and got him over to his gym, where he was trained Tom 3 - 4 days a week for 3 years.
Tom was shown how to shoot wrestle by Billy Chambers, who wrestled as Jack Flacon on Tv. Chambers mostly just stretched and shot on him for several weeks or months, but Tom says he learned a lot from the "bastard."
Ted Bentley arranged Tom's first match and gave him the "Dynamite Kid" name.
Tom spent his first few months working for Joint Promotions, where Tom won the British Lightweight Championship from Jimmy Breaks.
In 1978, Tom wrestled a very good match against Mark "Rollerball." Rocco and Bruce Hart, one of Stu Hart's sons, was in the building and saw him wrestle. Bruce Hart immediately invited Tom to Canada to wrestle for Stampede Wrestling. Tom says Bruce promised him a free car, a free apartment, and $400 a week. Bruce refutes this claim in his own book.
At this time, Tom was wrestling 7 nights a week and making maybe $12 a match and was only offered a $1 pay raise if he stayed with Joint Promotions. Sounds like an easy decision to go to Stampede.
On April 27th, 1978, Tom left for Canada with just $20 in his pocket. He planned to only be gone for 2 months, but didn't come back home for 13 years.
Tom remembers the first meeting he had with Stu Hart, who looked him up and down like a piece of meat and said, "Ehhhhh, you're a skinny little bastard." Stu was known to favor bigger guys, and Bruce wasn't very big, so he always tried to push guys along the same size as him and Dynamite. Tom says that Stu later on told Tom that the "skinny little bastard" made him more money than any other wrestler in Stampede Wrestling history.
Tom says aside from Owen and Bret Hart, he couldn't "rate" any of the siblings as legitimate pro wrestlers. He called them all, "glorified." Tom used the term rate as a way of saying he thought positively on a guy.
Tom says everything Bruce had promised him was a lie, but he did get paid around $350 a week.
Stampede Wrestling was the first place Tom got to be a heel, and he said he enjoyed it more than being a good guy. He took pride in getting a crowd riled up to "riot level" as he put it.
Tom tells a story of riding with Harley Race and Bret Hart during one of the tours Harley made to Stampede. Tom still had a very thick accent, and Harley, who was driving, told him he can't understand a word he is saying. Tom says he snapped back. "That's okay, because I can understand you. So that means I'm clever than you!" Harley hit the breaks and ordered Tom and Bret out of the car to fight. Tom says as Harley had both men in headlocks before Tom tripped him, sending Harley Race back first on the ground.
One time Kieth Hart and Bruce Hart took Tom skiing, and through miscommunication, Tom wore no jacket and when he fell down while skiing he was soaked, freezing and pissed off, believing it to be some prank. He said he asked if a t-shirt was fine and said both Keith and Bruce said it was. Kieth insists he warned Tom to bring a jacket, though. In the weeks that followed, he waited to get revenge and broke a couple of Kieth's teeth in a match, claiming it was an accident. He says Keith always wore a mouth guard after that. Then Tom waited for Bruce to hop in the showers so he could fuck with the hot water so Bruce got scalded by the water. Tom laughs about how Bruce had blisters on his head for weeks after.
Tom says he was able to secure tours in Germany and Japan, but Stu Hart always worked a deal where one of kids tagged along as part of the deal.
The first year he went to Germany, Smith Hart accompanied him, and Tom remembers how Smith thought it would be funny to shave his mustache similar to Hitlers and do the Nazi salute in the ring. Tom says the entire stadium was dead silent and Smith was fired on the spot.
Tom ribbed wrestler Axel Ditta by baking a pie made of dog food and leaving it for him as if a gift from a fan.
On his Germany tour, Tom met Junkyard Dog who gave him his first ever steroids.
Tom says he convinced Bret Hart to branch out of his amature repertoire and try arm drags and leap frogs. He said Bret initially refused because of how silly it looked, and insisted on grappling the entire match. In Bret's book, Bret did mention how he learned a bunch of new moves while wrestling Tom, but says it was out of necessity because of how stiff amd uncooperative Tom was.
In Tom's first ever match with Bret Hart, Tom didn't like how rigid and stiff Bret was, so Tom backed him up into the corner and smashed his forearm into Bret's face, breaking his nose. Tom says "he wasn't rigid no more." After the match, a bloody Bret Hart had to be held back from attacking Tom, but Tom says 6 months later Bret thanked him for the match and they became good friends.
In Bret's book, he did say that wrestling Dynamite Kid in a series of bouts in late 1978 looked real because they were real shoot fights. He talked about Tom stiffing him and how he broke his nose in their first match. Bret had to fight back every night with real kicks and punches and elbows, all while the two called moves and holds on the fly to one another.
Bret's book mentioned a time when Tom "soccer kicked" Bret in the face while he was down blading with a razor, causing Bret to cut himself pretty badly.
During his second year in Stampede, Tom met Jake "The Snake" Roberts, who gave him some amphetamine (speed) to help him preform an hour long match.
Charles Bouffont was a green as grass wrestler brought in from Georgia, and his first match was against Tom. Tom remembers the guy being stiff and green, and no sold after Tom ran his face along the ropes as if to burn him. Apparently Charles laughed it off and Tom thought he was trying to show him up. So Tom kicked him hard for real and says "as he fell, his jaw caught my boot, which knocked him senseless. So I just covered him for the pin." Apparently Smith Hart was friends with Charles and had big plans for him, so he was pissed at Tom. Tom says when Smith complained to Stu Hart, Stu couldn't care less. Stu turned to leave and Tom says Smith kicked his own dad, Stu Hart in the balls. I've never heard this story before. Maybe Tom meant it as a metaphorical kick to the balls? The writing honestly isn't clear.
Tom says that despite the stories told, he doesn't think any of the Hart kids were intimidated or scared of their dad Stu. He says the kids would routinely say or do mean things to him and then laugh it off. Very different view or the Hart Family here then you see get reported over the years.
Tim did his first tour of Japan in 1979 and hated it, having to sleep in a van and only got paid $1,000. But he did it for the tv exposure he was getting there. That was for International Wrestling Enterprise.
In 1980, Tom was paired with John Foley as his manager. Bruce Hart takes credit for turning John Foley into JR Foley, a take on JR from the Tv show Dallas, but Bret credits Puerto Rico booker Dick Steinborn for the idea. I was hoping Tom would give his 2 cents here but it's not mentioned.
Tom would rib Foley with pranks as numerous as they were deranged. Tom once lit Foley's hat on fire in the riding van and didn't tell him until Bad News Brown helped Foley put out the fire.
Tom says Bill Watts reached out to Stu about borrowing Tom, but Stu refused, claiming it would hurt Stampede business too much.
Tom says his dad called him early 1981 to tell Tom that his little cousin Davey Boy had gotten started wrestling after also training under Ted Bently. Tom told his dad he would be happy to help Davey Boy out in any way. Tom would end up getting him a job in Stampede Wrestling, with Stu paying for his plane ticket.
A few months in, Davey Boy asked Tom for help getting steroids, and Tom said he would inject hin right there, and gave him 2 shots, 1 in each butt cheek. He didn't give him steroids though, the fucking psycho injected his little 18 year old cousin with milk, fucking milk. The next day Tom told everyone and they all "moo'd" and made cow noises at a confused Davey Boy.
Tom was a reigning World Mid-Heavyweight Champion in Stampede Wrestling when he went off to do a several week tour in Japan. His last match before leaving was with Davey Boy and Tom suggested dropping the belt to him. Bruce Hart veto'd it and told him to just keep the belt but leave it at home for his Japan tour. Tom said "okay" but went out and dropped the belt to Davey Boy anyway. This wasn't uncommon in Stampede Wrestling, as Bad News Brown did something similar when he heard he was dropping a belt to Bret Hart.
After reading several dozen wrestling books, Tom is the first guy to not have anything negative to say about Billy Robinson. That in and of itself, is telling.
One night in Japan in 1981, Tom was slapped in the back by a kid in the front row while Tom walked to the ring. Tom makes it clear that this was literally just a child, and says he grabbed him, tossed him hard over the barricade, ripped his clothes off down to his underwear, then kicked him in the mouth. Tom then wrestled his match and was arrested after. He said he was told by promoter Peter Takahashi to rough up the fans, and suggests it was a set up, but he was released after a day or two.
Tom says Bret Hart was the worst for laughing in the ring. A criticism I haven't heard much elsewhere.
Tom gives a few examples of New Japan Pro Wrestling trying to rip him off on his agreed payment.
Tom was invited by New Japan to wrestle Tiger Mask at Madison Square Garden for a show that was co-promoted with the WWF. Tom says he met Vince Sr who was smoking a cigar all day and Vince Jr who was doing commentary.
Tom tells a story of being in Japan with wrestler Mike Davis, and not only did he slip him a bunch of laxative pills, he shaved a bunch of Mike's hair off in his sleep! Tom calls this a "good laugh."
Tom randomly mentions in the book how he secretly married Bret Hart's sister-in-law Michelle shortly after Bret married Michelle's older sister Julie. He doesn't give any details but from other books I know they only dated a few months before marrying each other, and that Tom was 25 years old when he met 17 year old Michelle.
In another book I've read, Michelle remembers how the day they got married, Tom screamed at a homeless man asking for change on the street and she was mortified. She also describes several times Tom would snap and knock someone out over a minor inconvenience. Michelle said at the time she said it made her feel safe, but she was young, naive and stupid. She doesn't go into detail, but says one time she dropped an ashtray and Tom snapped on her. She said Tom getting angry was like "flipping a switch" in his head.
Tom says he and Davey Boy started tagging together in New Japan in 1983, and that from their first match together to their last, Tom did 100% of the planning and thinking when it came to the matches. It's wild how much Tom paints Davey Boy as some big idiot who can barely put words together half the time.
I have a hunch on the Davey Boy/Dynamite conflict. It was well known that Diana Hart was infatuated with Tom when he came to Calgary, but nothing materialized. Diana went on to marry Davey Boy and perhaps Davey Boy didn't like how his wife originally had her eyes on his older cousin. I can see that starting the friction that led to these two cousins hating one another.
Tom says by mid-1983 he was doing steroids every single day and he notes how it made him more volatile and aggressive.
Tom remembers another time in Japan when a kid slapped his back again in the entrance ramp, so Tom grabbed him and threw him hard over the barricade, before Davey Boy press slammed him into a wall. Tom says he gave the kid one more good kick to the ribs before heading to the ring. Again police were called and the two of them spent a few days behind bars. Tom says the kid was 16 or 17 years old.
Tom remembers how pissed Davey Boy was to learn New Japan was paying Tom more than him. Tom really paints Davey Boy as an unappreciative, ungrateful guy who wasn't as good in the ring as his legacy suggests.
Tom would wrestle much more physically and rough in Japan, to the point where promoters would ask him to slow down for the sake of his opponents who were getting hurt or complaining about Tom's style.
Tom remembers one night in Japan, after a show all the wrestlers were told to stay in their hotel because some gang or mafia related shootings were happening every night that week.
Tom remembers seeing Antonio Inoki getting slapped hard across the face by a mafia member, and then Inoki thanked the man who slapped him.
Tom says his back started seriously hurting at age 25, but he never once considered slowing down or adapting hus style.
Tom says his wife Michelle was worried their first child would be a "steroid baby" and Tom says he just called her stupid and told her not to worry.
After Tom won a world title in New Japan Pro Wrestling, he was offered a briefcase with $15,000 - $20,000 cash to jump from New Japan to All Japan Pro Wrestling. He took it and he said he got Davey Boy the same deal. Tom says he mailed the World title back to NJPW with a letter thanking them.
Tom says Stu Hart was furious that Tom jumped from New Japan to All Japan, because Stu had worked out a deal where New Japan paid Stu $10,000 each time Tom toured there. Tom was pissed he wasn't cut in on the deal, and he says Bret was mad that Tom didn't cut him in on the All Japan deal.
Tom wrestled Terry Funk in AJPW, and says Terry Funk offered him a spot to be in Rocky 4? He never heard back from Terry and after the movie came out, Tom asked Terry what happened. Terry said Tom was too short for the role. This sounds like a rib from Terry tbh.
Tom says the only person better than himself at getting a poor opponent over in the ring, was Terry Funk.
Tom says he once spiked Terry Funk's drink with some speed that kept Funk up for a couple days.
One time in Japan, Tom set Gypsy Joe on fire at a McDonalds. Tom says it was a bad joke but also calls it very funny at the time.
The 1st time Tom wrestled try out matches for the WWF in New York, he was paid $25 for 2 matches. He was pissed and refused to go back to WWF until George Scott called him and promised him more money.
When Stampede sold to WWF, Tom brought Davey Boy to meet George Scott and Vince McMahon. Vince came up wih the "British Bulldogs" title for their team.
Tom refused a WWF contract so he could keep touring Japan and working for Giant Baba, who paid him a guaranteed $20,000 each tour. When Tom was told by WWF agent Chief Jay Strongbow that the Bulldogs would challenge for the tag titles at Wrestlemania 2, but lose, Tom said "No thank you" and made it clear he was going to Japan. 20 minutes later, Strongbow came back and said Bulldogs will win the titles at Mania, but no more Japan tours.
Vince suprised Davey Boy with the dog Matilda that Davey Boy and Tom would go to the ring with. Davey tried to hand the dog off after the match, but Vince said no, that's Davey Boy's dog now for real. Davey had to keep the dog, I had no idea.
Tom remembers how Greg Valentine would complain about how physical Tom and Davey Boy were in the ring.
Tom says Vince let him pick a manager for the team, Tom picked Captain Lou Albano.
Tom remembers when he overheard Lou screaming at Vince McMahon "You fucking irish bastard! You can't fire me Nobody can fire the Captain! Your dad said so!" Tom then immediately says "Anyways, Vince fired him."
Tom says he was paid $20,000 for his 15 minute Tag title win at Wrestlemania 2.
Tom calls Brustus Beefcake a "load of shit."
Tom says he injected cortisone into his shoulder right before ever single match.
Tom blames roid rage for a time he slammed some guy's head into a wall while the man was using a urinal in a public bathroom. The man had said he does karate, so that's what Tom did to him.
Tom says all the wrestlers would do coke together after the matches and swap urine samples to avoid drug testing punishments. Tom remembers smoking crack all night once with Junkyard Dog.
December 13th, 1986 is the night Tom fucked his back up real bad in a match. During a routine set of moves with Don Muraco, Tom went to leapfrog over Don, but as he did, he felt his back spasm in pain and Tom just fell to the mat, unable to move his back or legs and in a ton of pain. Tom couldn't even talk and tell Don to stop kicking him after he fell. No one, from Don to the ref, to Don's manager Mr Fuji realized something was wrong.
Tom says he pulled himself to the apron and fell out of the ring, eventually counted out. Mr Fuji hit Tom with a chair a couple times until they all figured out something was wrong.
Tom remembers his leg twitching out of control as he was in the stretcher and ambulance, he later found out that was because of nerve damage in his back.
Tom would have a 6 hour surgery to fix several ruptured disks in his back, when he woke up, he couldn't feel or move his left leg and was told that is temporary. They were kinda right, but he never got feeling back in his foot.
The doctors told him he should never wrestle again. Tom didn't tell anyone else that fact for years, not Vince or his wife Michelle or anyone. He left left the hospital before doctors cleared him to, and in another book, I read how his wife Michelle found him crawling up the front steps of their house that day, attempting to get home.
Tom says Davey Boy only visited him once in the hospital, and he came with his wife and a press photographer. The Hart's have since disputed this claim and say Davey Boy was there for Tom at this time. He also says he later found out that Davey Boy had called home to their family and said Tom was a drug addict who would die soon, but presented himself as a straight laced good guy trying his best to hold Tom together.
Tom was WWF Tag champion with Davey Boy, but he refused to hand over the titles and Vince tried for a week's. Eventually Tom agreed to a match, just 6 weeks later on later January 1987, where The Bulldogs dropped the titles to the Hart Foundation. Tom says Vince wanted Shiek and Volkoff to go over but Tom refused and insisted on Hart Foundation.
Tom was literally wheel chair bound the day of the show and needed to lock arms with Davey Boy and allow Davey to pretty much carry them both to the ring.
Tom insisted on making it back for Wrestlemania 3 that year but says he was in tons of pain and doesn't even remember it.
Tom remembers one time, road agent Chief Jay Strongboy asked Tom for a bunch of steroids, for Jay's son. After Tom handed them over, Strongbow fined him $200 because he was late to the show that day.
Tom says Vince made him shave his 5 o-clock shadow because he likes his babyfaces clean shaved.
Tom says a normal day was taking speed in the morning to wake up, then Valium to sleep on the plane, percocet before the match, then beers and coke after the show.
Tom says his Wrestlemania 4 match was cut short so the main event got more time.
Tom says he pitched turning the Bulldogs heel to Vince, who said no. Tom believed this was due to his small size, so he started taking horse steroids.
Tom suffered his first seizer in the summer of 1988, he was on an escalator at the time and fell all the way to the bottom.
Tom describes a pretty famous incident between him and Rougeaus Brothers in 1988, after Curt Hennig cut up the Rougeaus gear and blamed it on Tom. Tom walked into the dressing room to have both Jacques and Raymond screaming at him about their gear. Tom waited until their back was turned and he cuffed Jacques across the ear and then took him down as Jacques tried to shoot on Tom. Tom says he fed Jacques shots until his brother Raymond tried to calm Tom down, so Tom knocked Raymond out as well.
A few weeks later, Tom thought the incident was in the past since it was Mr Perfect who cut uo the gear, but the Rougeaus weren't over Tom knocking them out. Tom says he was a walking backstage at a show and saw The Rougeaus with Pat Patterson, so Tom assumed they wouldn't try anything. He was wrong. Jacques sucker punched him a legit pair of brass knuckles, shattering 4 of Tom's teeth and cutting up his gums real bad. Tom says he remembers being stunned but knowing he can't fall down, so he braced himself on the wall as Jacques feeds him 2 more painful punches and Pat Patterson is screaming at him to stop. Tom says he saw Raymond coming in to hit him as well and figured he was about to die. Bad News Brown showed up and cleared the brothers off.
Pat Patterson gave Tom some money and told him to get fixed up at a hospital, but don't tell them what happened. When Tom later spoke to Vince, he remembers the first thing Vince said was "Goddamn Tom, I can't believe you didn't go down!" Tom said Vince talked him out of retaliation against the Rougeaus, because of their alledged criminal connections in Montreal.
Tom thinks that Pat Patterson was in on it, convinced that Pat set him up to nearly get killed by standing guard for the Rougeaus as they assaulted him. And based off Vince's reaction, Tom suspects Vince may have been in on it too.
Tom says Davey Boy again called home to their families to tell them about Tom getting beat up, but added that he saved Tom's life. Again, Tom didn't hear about this until years later.
Tom says The Rougeaus Brothers weren't fired or even suspended or fined.
Tom says Vince arranged a meeting between him and the Rougeaus, where Tom promised to drop everything if the brothers pay his dentist bill. Jacques tried to argue but his brother Raymond told him to shut up and then assured Tom they would pay the bill, and Tom says they did.
Bret Hart says Tom was a different person after the attack, and compares Tom to a toothless or neutered dog.
Tom calls Arn Anderson a great wrestler but says Tully Blanchard is "full of shit."
Tom decided to quit WWF and go back to All Japan after he and Davey were the only wrestlers forced to drive home after a tour. Everyone else got plane tickets from the office, but Tom and Davey had to drive.
Tom remembers wrestling The Brainbusters on one of his last nights with WWF, and was told by Pat Patterson to put them over. Tom refused, flat out. Pat called Vince to complain, but Vince just said "Let Tom do whatever he wants." So the Bulldogs got DQ'ed.
Their last WWF match was a Survivor Series elimination match, which Tom was curious about since The Rougeaus were on the opposite team, and he was curious if they would get a chance to square off. Bret eliminated The Rougeaus in the first 5 minutes, and by the time Tom got to the back, they had already left the building.
Tom says Davey Boy had to give back Matilda the dog when they finished up with WWF. I wonder what happened to her.
Tom says his wife Michelle wasn't happy he was off the road after finishing up with WWF. Tom says she had freedom to do as she pleased in the 4 years he was with WWF and she was probably scared of losing that.
Tom never mentions it in the book, but he owned a bunch of guns and a big ranch where he would shoot gophers and other animals as a lesier activity.
The only good thing Tom says about Davey Boy is how it was smart of Davey to trademark his name before WWF could. Though, Tom thinks it was probably Davey's wife who suggested it.
Tom went back to Stampede Wrestling and was suprised when Ross Hart told him they wanted Tom to book the territory. Ross initially told Tom it was because the boys were too rowdy on the road and that they all respect Tom. Ross also said they hoped by putting Tom in charge, that it would rein him in a bit so he doesn't "act as stupid as you usually do." Ross Hart's words, alledgedly.
Tom says Bruce didn't like that Tom was booking Stampede Wrestling, and says he had to to tell Bruce "no" when Bruce suggested they co-book the promotion. Bruce liked over the top gimmicks like fire balls and such, but Tom just liked basic wrestling.
Tom says that within a week, he was selling out buildings for Stampede.
Tom stresses that he wasn't like Bruce or any of the Hart's as a booker, that he wasn't a glory hound and he liked making guys look strong and putting others over.
Tom never mentions it, but he was ultimately demoted from booker back to just wrestler because of how wild and unpredictable he was, according to Ross Hart.
Tom did another tour in Japan in January 1989, and remembers how he met The Nasty Boys there. He didn't like them, so when they wrestled, Tom and Davey Boy no-sold literally everything and beat them flat in the ring. Tom says he got in trouble because the office had big plans for Nasty Boys, and The Bulldogs just made them look like fools.
Tom remembers a trip to Yellowknife, where he and all the boys from Stampede piled into a cramped Van for the long trip. Bruce didn't join them, and Tom was pissed when a Buick passed them, and Bruce was sitting in the passenger seat, feet up in the dashboard, and he just smiled at Tom. At the show, a pissed off Tom confronted Bruce who was snarky about it, so Tom punched him hard in the jaw. During his match, Tom noticed the ring announcer to be the one driving the Buick with Bruce, so Tom punched him too. Bruce and the driver ended up barricading themselves in the van after they called the cops on Tom. Tom says the cops physically restrained him as Bruce and the announcer hopped into the Buick and drove off.
Owen Hart was getting married a week later, and Bruce was best man, but after getting punched by Tom, he refused to go if Tom was there. So Ross Hart asked Tom to go wrestle a show in Edmonton that day instead. Tom agreed but skipped the show and the wedding, instead going to a pub and drinking alone all day. Tom says a week after the wedding, Bruce Hart shook Tom's hand and they mended that fence a bit.
Tom says the only Hart who stayed mad at him for the incident was Dean Hart, who once barged into Tom's dressing room as he slept and screamed at Tom. Tom says he started yelling back until Ross came in, scared for Dean's safety. Dean was very sick at the time, and Tom says he was never going to hurt Dean, but it doesn't matter, because a month later Dean was dead.
Tom says Vince McMahon reached out to him several times about bringing the Bulldogs back to the WWF, but with the intention of putting over The Brainbusters. Tom turned him down each time.
Tokyo Joe was a guy who worked in the office for All Japan and had a wooden leg. John would work out deals for Stampede talent to work in Japan, but he always kept 10% of their guarantee. Tom was trying to get a deal worked out for Chris Benoit to go to All Japan. Tokyo Joe and Tom got into an argument over this, with Tom questioned Joe on why he always takes guys money. Joe said if Tom had any sense, he would do the same! So Tom snapped back at him "If I had any gasoline, I'd pout it all over your wooden leg and set it on fire."
Tom got a couple of bad checks from Stu Hart, so he told Stu he would be quitting, then he handed the checks back to him, saying "you need these more than I do." Stu didn't say anything, but he did take the checks back.
Tom reached out to Ric Flair who was "booking" WCW to inquire about working there. Flair gave him some bullshit reason why he can't and Tom realized his reputation had finally caught up with him.
Tom was offered a spot in a territory down in Portland, but was told he has to promise to leave a wrestler named Mitch Snow alone. Tom said he pulled some pretty harsh pranks on Mitch in Japan, years prior, including deliberately spiking his head down on the mat hard during an assisted piledriver. Tom told the promoter to just forget it.
Stampede Wrestling was finally going out of buisness for good, and Stu wanted the last couple shows to be big, so he asked Tom to work a couple street fights with Owen Hart. Tom didn't want to let Stu down, so he and Owen had a couple of very good matches, according to Tom.
Tom spent most of 1990 working All Japan tours and a random New Zealand tour as well. Tom notes how he wasn't up to preforming at the level he used to and was in more and more pain every day. He couldn't do his repertoire of moves (like the snap suplex) on bugger guys anymore.
All Japan does an annual tag tournament, so when November 1990 came around, Tom expected himself and Davey Boy to be there. Tom was suprised when he heard through the grapevine that not only was Davey not doing the tournament, he was going back to WWF alone. Tom says he didn't care that Davey went back to WWF, he was upset that Davey didn't tell him and left him hanging in Japan. Tom says he never got a chance to ask Davey Boy about it, because they literally never spoke to each other again. Davey Boy didn't die for another 13 years, so he and Tom, who are cousins, just ignored one another for over a decade until one of them died. Wild.
Tom says his next tour with All Japan was nearly canceled because someone called them and said Tom was in a bad car accident and wouldn't make the tour. Tom says Davey Boy and his wife were the only ones who knew about his tour, he is convinced Davey Boy tried to fuck him over here.
Tom never mentions it, but every morning his wife Michelle would have to change the bed sheets because they were literally soaked in sweat, and when she asked him why, he snapped at her "because I'm in pain, ya fookin' cow!" Tom never told her how fucked his back was.
Michelle remembers New Years Eve 1991, she was very pregnant and wanted to stay in, but a drunken Tom came home with a gash in head and bleeding everywhere. His 2 kids were crying and scared as Tom screamed at Michelle to get dressed do they can go out. Earlier that night Tom refused to pay the $5 cover charge to a bar, and after some words were said he ended up getting beat up by several guys.
Tom says it was no suprise when his wife Michelle asked for a divorce, despite being pregnant with their 3rd kid. Side note: Tom barely mentioned his children in this book, literally just once or twice.
Tom says he got back to Calgary to find an empty house and a one-way plane ticket to England sitting on the kitchen table. Michelle later says she spent her last dime on that ticket before fleeing the house with her kids. Tom says he left the $30,000 he had from wrestling that year on the table for Michelle and the kids. (Michelle refutes this claim of leaving 30 grand) Tom says he returned home for the first time in 13 years, broken back, empty bank account and back living with is parents.
Michelle said she took the kids and fled to a women's shelter, because one of Tom's frequent threats through the years was that he would cut her up so bad no man would want her.
Tom makes no mention of a pretty notorious story of him pointing a loaded gun at Michelle one night.
Tom says he took LSD at Dan Spivey's house and his heart stopped. He technically died twice on Dan's floor and the paramedics arrived to what they thought was a corpse. Tom was told by doctors that the steroids had fucked up his heart and he had to stop taking them immediately.
All Japan wouldn't let him wrestle as much on the next tour. Giant Baba took one look at Tom and said he was too sick to wrestle.
Tom wrestled the UK independent scene again using the "British Bulldog" moniker until Davey Boy had lawyers track him down to put an end to that. Tom says he was lucky to make $30 a night, but Davey Boy who was making far more than that still had to screw over Tom.
Tom finally decided to call it quits after the 1991 All Japan tag tournament. He was advised to slow down in the ring, but he couldn't, he could literally only wrestle going full speed. He got a nice going away celebration where the wrestlers lifted him uo in the ring and they all signed a nice sweater and gave it to him. Tom made snide comments in the book about how little pageantry there is in "endings" for pro wrestling, so I think he really appreciated this, even if he doesn't say it outright.
Tom mentions a time when Bret Hart and Chief Jay Strongbow were on a WWF UK tour and decided to visit Tom at home. Tom talks about Bret offering him a job and Tom politely saying no. Bret's book also describes this story but it's much darker from Bret's perspective as Bret described the house like a drug den and was upset at how Tom treated who Bret assumed to be Tom's new girlfriend. After they left, Strongbow told Bret that he wishes they didn't visit and how it ruined his opinion of Tom.
Tom's dad died of cancer and Tom notes how devastated he was. He also mentions how because of Tom and Davey Boy's fractured relationship, Tom's dad and Davey Boy's mom stopped speaking to one another. They were siblings and Tom remembers them always being close, and he tells a sad story of when Tom's dad refused to see his sister before he died. Tom doesn't say it, but I think he felt a ton of guilt over this.
Davey Boy was back on the UK independent scene eventually too, and Tom went to a show he was wrestling at. Tom said he saw a display table full of Davey's pictures, so Tom snapped and tipped it over. The promoter and Davey Boy's dad tried to calm him down but eventually police were called and Tom was hauled off. Tom heard later that Davey Boy was hiding on his dressing room the whole time.
Tom wrestled random one off matches for a couple of years whenever he needed money, but his last match came at a small promotion in Japan. He spent the day fighting off seizers until he finally got hit by one that sent him to the hospital for a couple of days.
Tom mentions meeting his second wife Dot and getting married in 1997. He seems to consider her the only person who liked Tom Billington, instead of Dynamite Kid.
Throughout the Mid-90s Tom would experience episodes where he couldn't walk or his legs would give out and he would collapse. Finally in late 1997, he never recovered from one of these incidents, and was told that his back was beyond fixing. He was told he would never walk again. Tom says he refused to cry in front of the doctors, he just politely thanked the doctor and then asked Dot to get him out of that hospital.
Tom says it took him months to come to terms with his condition, and found it impossible to watch wrestling anymore. He did hear Jim Ross mention his name several times during Wrestlemania X7, to which Tom was greatful to still be remembered.
When WWF held a ppv in UK in 2001, Tom stopped by and got to see his old friends. It sounds like nice closure for the guy.
Tom says he will probably never speak to Davey Boy again, and as far as I know, that's true since Davey Boy died 2 years after this book came out.
He and Dot eventually split up after the book came out as well, though little is known on details there. Michelle tried to reach out to him in 2005 when she heard part of his leg was amputated but he never responded to her.
Last anyone really heard from Tom, he was alone and living in destitution.
Tom suffered a stroke in 2013 and tried to sue WWE in 2015 along with several others over concussion issues, but the case was dismissed.
Tom died on 5 December 2018, his 60th birthday. The exact cause of death remains unconfirmed, but the BBC report of his death placed it in the context of his previous reported health issues.
The final line in the book reads, "Wrestling was my life, and I loved it. No regrets. I had a blast."

Over xmas my brother showed me Sam Hyde and MDE and I loved it. Afterwards when I went to look at more videos and figure out more about him I came across his whole controversy where it's alleged that he donated $5000 to the Daily Stormer.
It's difficult to pin Sam down because you don't know where the bit begins and ends. I kind of love it and it makes him soooo intriguing to me. What is he actually like?
It seems Idubbz felt the same way because he made an entire documentary trying to get to the bottom of who Sam is but in typical Sam fashion, he just trolled Idubbz the entire time and basically told him to fuck off.
Personally, I think donating to the Daily Stormer is too far, but I feel like he did it as a bad joke.
When I came to search on Reddit about how people feel, there's no nuance and its a bunch of people calling him a Nazi and bringing up the fact that he makes racist jokes. But like.... that's his whole bit????
Hoping other people also have a special interest in this
TLDR: Is Sam Hyde a Racist or is it just his bit?

Sorry for posting this long post here but I don't know where else to go. I was diagnosed in December after having unexplained severe swelling in both lower legs and feet, shocks, pins and needles, tightness, burning, intense pain etc. I couldn't even wear socks until Xmas and now only have just put a pair of shoes on (not comfy but serves a purpose!).
I went into a coma during my hospital stay due to a severe carnatine deficiency from malnutrition and stayed in hospital for 6 weeks. I've been learning to walk again and overhaul my diet. I'm struggling also with seeing myself putting on the 2.5 stone I lost in hospital (I went down to 7.5 stone and was tube fed. I know I needed to put weight on but this is rubbish and I just feel horrendous.
I have support from community physio and dietician, I'm due to see neurologist in April and am soon due under care of adult liaison psychiatry for support.
While I know I've come so far, the pain isn't what it was in Sept-Nov (it's still agony but I have less swelling and am now on some meds (gabapentin, duloxetine, paracetamol and codeine) - I'm just really struggling physically and mentally to cope.
Physically I'm sleeping 2 hours a night due to the agony despite icing and doing breathing exercises. I'm working 4 days a week. Every step is sheer agony, I get no release from sitting or laying down, every day is relentless.
I'm doing all I can to keep busy, but I can't stop crying because I'm so exhausted with it all. I just cannot cope with getting up every day (even though I do - ive got up and dressed every day since discharge before 8.30am. The thought of this being life when im dreaming of having children (I'm 40 next year). I can't even sit at my desk to work, sitting or laying down aggravates and within minutes of standing I'm swollen.
My boyfriend is great but it's not the same as having someone who 1st hand experience and can relate. Also he is struggling with his own sleep due to my shouting out and apparently kicking out / doing constant bicycle pedalling in the air that i know norhkng about. My physio has said to use my elbow crutches to keep the weight off my feet but Im struggling to use crutches going upstairs or when I need to get something from another. I now have two huge lumps on the outer side of my ankle.
Any support would be welcome so I can be surrounded by those who understand this thing. My boyfriend is great but it's not the same.
Thanks and sorry again - hoping this is just a bad spell but not sure I can do this much more.
TLDR - just cannot cope with level of pain and relentlessness. Is there a thing that's made this life bearable?

 
ALBUM & TIMESTAMP
 
Pastable link: https://imgur.com/a/NjAQNXC
 
Condition (n.b.): All pens listed below have been disassembled, cleaned and restored with new sacs installed in the last couple weeks. Each of these pens is guaranteed to fill and write as designed without leaks or other problems. Nibs have been adjusted when necessary to ensure that all lay down a smooth and consistent line.
THESE PENS HAVE NO CRACKS, CHIPS, PERSONALIZATIONS (except #3), LOOSE OR MISSING PARTS, BENT NIBS, MISALIGNED TINES, BROKEN/WORN OFF TIPPING, OR THREADING ISSUES.
 
Line Widths and Writing Samples: To provide buyers with as much information as possible, I have started to adopt the following line width standards: XXF (.1-.2mm); XF (approx .3mm); F (approx .4mm); M (approx .6mm); B (approx .8mm). Nib flexibility is determined by variation (max line width under pressure) and softness (amount of pressure). Flexibility designations based on variation generally run as follows for an XF/F nib: Semi-Flex (approx. 1mm); Flex (1.2-1.9mm); Superflex (>2mm). All line width measurements are taken with a digital caliper but should be considered approximations providing a general guide. Width may vary slightly depending on type of ink and paper used as well as amount of pressure applied. All writing samples are on Rhodia dot paper using Waterman Serenity Blue.
 
 
1. c. 1918 Waterman 52v (BCHR, NPT, lever filler, 14k XF Superflex nib). This vestpocket (v) model has a standard girth and measures 4 3/8” capped and an ergonomic 5 1/2” posted. This pen is made of black chased hard rubber with nickel-plated lever and patented rivet clip. Super-Flexible 14k Ideal NY #2 nib lays down a smooth and consistent XF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.4mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Thin hairlines, strong snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it exceptionally well suited to calligraphic writing styles such as Copperplate and Spencerian. Condition: excellent [B]. Hard rubber retains its dark black color though cap shows a hint of fading to dark chocolate under some lights. Chasing is exceptionally sharp and deep. Hard rubber has a smooth, lustrous surface with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Nickel-plated trim shows no brassing or other notable wear aside from some scratches on the lever box. Manufacturer imprint on the barrel and model stamp on barrel-end are deep and fully legible with model stamp containing its original red fill. Price: $210 $190 SOLD
 
2. 1920s Parker Lucky Curve 2 1/2 (BCHR, NPT, button filler, 14k XXF Needlepoint Superflex nib). This full-sized model measures 5 3/8” capped. Like Watermans of the era, Parkers were assigned model numbers indicating barrel and nib size, etc. This pen has no model number on the blind cap (later models like this didn’t have one), but the pen corresponds to a 2 or 20 1/2: ‘2’ or '20' designates the #2 size of nib and '1/2' designates chased hard rubber. Safety cap, designed not to leak when carried, is bandless from the factory with nickel-plated clip bearing 1916 patent date. Knurled HR blindcap and clip lock. “Xmas tree” Lucky Curve feed. This pen is a button filler (DETAIL PHOTO). To fill simply unscrew the blindcap, submerse the nib, and depress the brass button once. Super-Flexible 14k I'm calling the Lucky Curve #2 nib lays down a smooth and consistent XXF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.0mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Needlepoint hairlines, superbly responsive snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it another great choice for calligraphic writing styles. Condition: excellent [B]. Hard rubber retains its dark black color though some sides are more glossy than others. Chasing is sharp and deep. Hard rubber has a smooth, lustrous surface with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Nickel-plated clip is virtually pristine with no brassing or other notable wear. Manufacturer imprint on barrel is weakened but still fully legible when the light strikes it. **Price: $260 $240 SOLD
 
3. c.1918 Wahl Tempoint 74 (BCHR, GFT, lever filler, 14k F Superflex/Wet Noodle nib). This oversized model has a thick girth and measures 5 1/8” capped. Having purchased the assets of the Boston Fountain Pen Company, Wahl began manufacturing fountain pens in 1917. Wahl’s first pens were essentially rebranded Bostons and Tempoints (a NY company they acquired in 1918). Tempoints are harder to find than later Wahls by a long chalk and are commensurably more desirable. This one is an oversized model made of black chased hard rubber with a deluxe trim configuration including 14k gold-filled roller clip and 18k gold-filled cap band (DETAIL PHOTO). Cap band is engraved with a vertical line pattern with diamond-shaped indicia for engraving. 14k Wahl Tempoint #4 nib yields Super-Flexible variation with softness verging on that of a Wet Noodle, comparable to a dip pen nib. It lays down a smooth and consistent F line that widens to an impressive 4B+ (approx 2.6mm!) under very light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Easy variation, strong snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it another excellent choice for calligraphic writing styles such as Copperplate and Spencerian. Condition: excellent [B]. Indicia on the cap band has the professionally engraved monogram E.J.K. Hard rubber retains its dark black color with virtually no fading. Chasing is sharp and crisp with just slight wear on sides of the cap. Hard rubber has a smooth, lustrous surface with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes aside from a mark on the top of the cap that looks like it might’ve been left by a custom captop emblem like the pen below has – merely cosmetic with no cracks or other issues there (DETAIL PHOTO). Gold-filled trim is pristine with no brassing or other notable wear. Manufacturer imprint on the barrel and model stamp on barrel-end are deep and fully legible. Price: $310 SOLD
 
4. 1910s NOS Hallmark by Kraker w/ Sticker (BCHR, GPT, lever filler, 14k Flex/Superflex nib). This full-sized model measures 5 3/8” capped. This New Old Stock pen, which retains its original sticker band on the barrel, sent me down a research rabbithole. For decades the so-called Hallmark pen company was a topic of much controversy on various online forums. The signal clue to identifying the maker of this pen is the patent date on the clip, which has been traced to this KRAKER PATENT. This pen, then, was made by Kraker: a company with quite a following in collector circles, founded in Kansas City, Missouri in the mid-1910s. As Richard Binder writes: “George M. Kraker [was] a Conklin salesman who had left the employ of that company to help Walter A. Sheaffer found Sheaffer’s own company in 1913. Kraker was a shareholder in Sheaffer’s company at its incorporation but soon left Sheaffer over money matters, having first deceived Sheaffer into signing a contract whose effect would be to keep Sheaffer out of Kansas, Missouri, Nebraska and part of Colorado for a period of 10 years. Kraker’s pens were functionally identical to Sheaffer’s; to protect his lever patent, Sheaffer sued for patent infringement and won, thereby acquiring the assets of the Kraker company and voiding Kraker’s duplicitous contract” (citation, “Kraker”). So that’s why this pen bears such a resemblance to early Sheaffer flat tops of the “Sheaffer-Clip” variety! A curious wrinkle in the story: Hallmark pens sometimes turn up with the ‘H’ and the ‘K’ entirely removed from their imprints (spelling ‘ALLMAR’). This led some to speculate that either: Sheaffer had done this after acquiring Kraker to distinguish the pens as their own; or Kraker’s “Hallmark” trademark was yet another infringement, this time on the trademark of the famous jeweler Hallmark, and that Kraker was legally obliged to change the name after losing yet another lawsuit. In 2017 Jonathan Veley gave the lie to both these theories, presenting evidence that Hallmark pens were made by Kraker under contract with United Jewelers, Inc., in fact, to be sold in their network of Hallmark stores (Veley’s post). In all likelihood, whoever changed all those “Hallmark” barrels to “Allmar” did so to distinguish them from those sold under that contract between Kraker and United Jewelers. So much for the history, now on to the pen! It’s made of black chased hard rubber with gold-plated trim with ‘Hallmark’ (not ‘Allmar’) stamped on the barrel, clip, and nib. Original sticker on the barrel reads “medium.” Yet the 14k Hallmark #3 nib lays down a smooth and consistent XF line by the guidelines set forth above. That nib yields Super-Flexible variation with Flexible softness, widening to a 4B+ (approx 2.0mm) under moderate pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Thin hairlines, strong snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it a great choice for shaded writing and calligraphic writing styles. Condition: near mint [B+]. This pen looks like it was plucked from a time capsule. Black hard rubber retains its factory black color with no fading. Chasing is deep and crisp as the day it left the factory. Hard rubber has a smooth, lustrous surface with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Gold-plated trim is pristine but for the thin lever, which shows some plating wear in the middle. Manufacturer imprint on barrel is factory deep and fully legible. An interesting piece of FP history in museum-grade condition. Price: $340 SOLD
 
5. 1920s W.A. Hartline Masonic Self-Blotting Pen (BCHR, GFT, lever filler, 14k F Superflex nib). This pen has a standard girth and measures 5” capped. In the 19th and early-20th centuries, it was common to use an ink blotter to absorb excess ink from the paper to prevent feathering and expedite the drying process. In the early days of FPs a handful of makers experimented with integrating these blotters into the pen itself. The idea never quite caught on, so these pens are quite uncommon today. This “Self Blotting” pen, made by the W.A. Hartline company of Tampa, FL is equipped with a removable, gold-filled cap crown with the embossed, square and compass emblem of the Freemasons integrated into the top. Underneath that crown is a roller ink-blotter built into the cap (DETAIL PHOTO). What a combination! The pen itself is made of black chased hard rubber and I believe all of the trim to be gold-filled. Super-Flexible 14k Warranted #2 nib lays down a smooth and consistent F line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.2mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Strong snap-back and reliably wet flow over its full range of flex make it a great choice for calligraphic writing styles in a bold hand. Condition: excellent [B]. Hard rubber retains its dark black color with just a bit of even fading visible under some lights. Chasing shows even, moderate wear. Hard rubber has a smooth, lustrous surface with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Gold-filled trim is exceptionally clean with no brassing or other notable blemishes. Manufacturer imprint on barrel is factory deep and fully legible. A fascinating historical curiosity and a lovely writer to boot! Price: $280 $260
 
6. 1900s E.S. Johnson Globe (BCHR, GPT, eyedropper filler, 14k XXF Wet Noodle nib). This full-sized model measures 5 3/8” capped. This early slip-cap eyedropper came to me with a nib I’m only familiar with from dip pens. So I’m not sure if the pen was made by E.S. Johnson, or just the nib (it was also common practice for pen makers to outsource to nib makers to complete their pens). E. S. Johnson & Company was a pen manufacturer founded in New York City in 1848. The pen is made of black hard rubber chased in one of the early, intricate design patterns. Two sets of gold-plated bands on the barrel and plain BHR cap, as one often finds on chased Watermans and Parkers of this vintage. Pen likely predates rivet-clips and there are no holes drilled for a clip in the cap of the pen. Barrel is simply marked “Globe.” This pen is an eyedropper. The section unscrews for the barrel to filled using an eyedroppesyringe – holds far more ink than a lever filler of the same size. My usual caveats about early eyedroppers apply here. If carried, it is not uncommon to find a little ink on the nib or in the cap. 14k iridium-tipped E.S. Johnson #2 nib is a Wet Noodle that’s definitely in the running for the softest nib I’ve ever had to offer. It lays down a smooth and consistent XXF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.4mm) under minimal pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Any more pressure than grazing the page will widen the tines on this one! Needlepoint hairlines, surgically responsive snap-back, and reliably wet flow over its full range of flex make it an ideal choice for calligraphic writing styles such as Copperplate and Spencerian. A nib that’s guaranteed to please or your money back. Condition: excellent [B]. Black hard rubber retains its factory black color with no fading. Chasing is deep and crisp as the day it left the factory. Hard rubber has a smooth, lustrous surface with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes apart from one pin-sized mark in the middle of the cap (see timestamp photo). Gold-plated trim is clean with just a spot of wear here and there. Caps and posts securely, though the fit is quite tight in posting. Manufacturer imprint on barrel is factory deep and fully legible. Price: $310 SOLD
 
7. 1910s-20s D.W. Beaumel 5 (BCHR, NPT, eyedropper filler, 14k XF/F Superflex nib). This full-sized model measures 5 7/16” capped. Based in New York City, the D.W. Beaumel pen company was founded in 1901 by David W. Beaumel. A lesser-known maker, albeit one that produced pens of high quality before it faded from existence during the Great Depression. This is a slip-cap eyedropper made of black chased hard rubber with nickel-plated clip. It’s an eyedropper. The section unscrews for the barrel to filled using an eyedroppesyringe – holds far more ink than a lever filler of the same size. My usual caveats about early eyedroppers apply here. If carried, it is not uncommon to find a little ink on the nib or in the cap. Super-Flexible 14k Warranted #5 nib lays down a smooth and consistent XF/F line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.3mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Thin hairlines with a light hand, superbly responsive snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it a great choice for calligraphic writing styles. Condition: excellent+ [B+]. Aside from a sliver of wear on the right side of the clip, this pen looks like it did the day it left the factory. Black hard rubber retains its factory black color with no fading. Chasing is factory deep and crisp. Hard rubber has a smooth, lustrous surface with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Nickel-plated trim is pristine but for the aforementioned sliver of wear on the side of the clip. Manufacturer imprint on barrel is factory deep and fully legible. Price: $180 SOLD
 
8. 1920s Bankers Service Pen (BCHR, NPT, lever filler, 14k XXF Needlepoint Wet Noodle nib). This full-sized model measures 5 1/4” capped. This pen is unmarked but for the a barrel imprint that reads: “The Bankers Service Corporation” along with a NY address. It’s made of black chased hard rubber complemented by nickel-plated lever and accommodation clip (no holes drilled in the cap for a clip from the factory). 14k Warranted #2 nib is a Wet noodle with softeness and flow comparable to that of a dip pen nib. It lays down a smooth and consistent XXF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.3mm) under minimal pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Needlepoint hairlines, exceptional snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it another ideal choice for calligraphic writing styles such as Copperplate and Spencerian. Condition: excellent [B]. Hard rubber retains its dark black color with virtually no fading. Chasing is sharp and deep. Hard rubber has a smooth, lustrous surface with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Nickel-plated trim is clean with no brassing or other notable wear. Manufacturer imprint on barrel is weakened on one side but still fully legible. Price: $250 SOLD
 
9. 1920s Delmar (BCHR, GPT, eyedropper filler, 14k F Flex nib). This full-sized model measures 5 7/16” capped. I haven’t been able to turn up anything on Delmar, including whether it was a company or model name. Whatever its provenance, this pen resembles other slip-cap eyedroppers of the period. It’s made of black chased hard rubber complemented by a gold-plated accommodation clip (no holes drilled in the cap for a clip from the factory). It’s an eyedropper. The section unscrews for the barrel to filled using an eyedroppesyringe – holds far more ink than a lever filler of the same size. My usual caveats about early eyedroppers apply here. If carried, it is not uncommon to find a little ink on the nib or in the cap. Flexible 14k Warranted nib lays down a smooth and consistent F line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.0mm) under moderate pressure, meeting the threshold for Superflex variation but without the softness or snap-back I’d be comfortable calling Superflex (see WRITING SAMPLE). A good choice for shaded writing with reliably wet flow over its full range of flex. Condition: FP is excellent+ [B+] but clip is excellent- [B-]. Black hard rubber retains its factory black color with no fading. Chasing is factory deep and crisp. Hard rubber has a smooth, lustrous surface with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. No brassing to the accommodation clip but there are some spots of wear here and there. Manufacturer imprint on barrel is factory deep and fully legible. Price: $130 $120 SOLD
 
 
 
Shipping: Pens purchased on the weekend are mailed on Tuesday. Otherwise they are mailed within 2 business days of payment. All pens that do not come with their original boxes are packaged in PVC or thick plastic tubes to protect them in transit. To CONUS locations the following shipping options are available:

• USPS First-Class with tracking for $5 Due to the delivery delays that continue under postmaster general DeJoy, I strongly recommend that the Priority shipping option be chosen. All packages will include full insurance (covered by me). Rest assured that a full refund is guaranteed (issued through Paypal) in the event of a lost parcel and you will not have to wait until I receive a reimbursement from the USPS.
  
• USPS Priority with tracking for $9
  

International Customers: Please contact me for shipping quote if located abroad (delivery confirmation required). (Note: due to the issues stated above, my international shipping options are currently limited. PM for more info). Please do not ask me to commit mail fraud by altering the declared value of a pen for customs. Not only am I registered as a business but shipping insurance is based on declared value.
New York Customers: For tax purposes, I am now required to add an 8% sales tax on any sale made in the state of NY. If your shipping address is in NY state, please let me know before payment to receive an adjusted total. Discounted shipping is included for NY State residents to help defray the extra cost.
Ordering: Pens are placed on hold for the first person to reply to the thread and PM me with firm request to purchase (no chat DMs please). A request with the words “I'd like to purchase [pen number]” would be best to avoid confusion), to which I’ll reply with payment details. Please note that a message inquiring into a price discount does not suffice to place a pen on hold. If I haven't received Paypal payment within 24 hrs after a hold is placed, then pen(s) may become available to the next person.
Payment, & Guarantee: Payment by Paypal only. All pens are guaranteed to be in the condition in which I've described them. If I've missed something objectionable or the filling mechanism is not fully functional, the buyer may contact me up to 7 days after receiving the pen for a full refund (issued once I receive the pen back in the same condition as sold). Buyer must ship the return no later than 2 weeks after it was delivered to receive a refund. I've sold pens online for over a decade. Please check my past listings here as well as on the classifieds and historical sales forums on FPN (username: Estragon) and FPGeeks (popcod) for some of my previous offerings.
 
 
 
OTHER OPEN LISTINGS

• Waterman Patrician and Nurse’s Sets
  
• Off-Catalogue Sheaffer Stubby Balance Lifetime
  
• Wet Noodle Sheaffer GF Overlay Ring Top Superflex Waterman 0552 1/2 LEC GF Overlay
  
• 1900s Tom Tit, Boots Baby MHR Baby Eyedroppers Superflex Gold Starry Psychedelic Bayard Excselsior
  
• Vintage Japanese Hand-Painted Goldfish Lever-Filler
  
• Eversharp Stenograph (thin “Doric”) Waterman Taperite Citation
  
• Conklin Enduras, Nozac
  

2024
March

• Paddy News Terroriser (March 17th)
• Josh Strife Hayes Plush (March 22nd)
• Doki Doki Literature Club plush wave 2: Full set - Yuri’s Raccoon, DDLC Maid Surprise Box & DDLC Kigurumi Surprise Box (Drops March 22nd)
• Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire movie: Confirmed so far - B.E.A.S.T Kong, B.E.A.S.T Kong vs. Star King & Suko plush (March 29th)
• Blakespopnook plush
• Tord from Eddsworld (March 26th)
• South Park wave 5: Confirmed so far - Jimmy & Timmy 2-pack and Butters
• Jenny Wakeman: Confirmed so far - Jenny plush & figure (March or April)
• My Singing Monsters plush wave (None confirmed atm, March or April)
• Jacksucksatlife V3 (March, April, or May)
• Ruined Chica figure (March, April, or May)

May

• Hatsune Miku x Garfield
• Helluva Boss wave 2: Confirmed so far - Millie, Fizzarolli, Moxxie & MAYBE a nightlight (May or June)
• Halo: Confirmed so far - Master Chief
• Overwatch: Full collection - 3 vinyl figures & Winston plush (May or June)

2024 Summer

• AEW: Confirmed so far - Toni Storm (June, July, or August)
• Jimmy Neutron product(s) (June, July, or August)
• My Little Pony plush wave: Full set - 2 plushies (Youtooz revealed Twiilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash & Pinkie Pie. However, Austin said that there were 6 plushies designed, and said the first wave will have 2 plushies. It’s unknown what plushies are in this wave. June, July, or August)
• "Beach Episode" Popgoes Fanverse pin-set: Full pin set - Popgoes, Blake, Sara, Saffron, Stone, and Manora all in beach outfits & glitter

July

• One Piece wave 2: Confirmed so far - Buggy
• Persona: Full collection - 3 figures

August

• Umbrella Academy: Full collection - Number Five, Klaus and 1-2 others

Just said to release in early 2024

• Crash Bandicoot wave 3: Confirmed so far - Dingodile, Aku Aku and Crash V3 (Early 2024)
• New game design competition (Early 2024

Just said to be in "2024/Next year"

• 2 more apparel collabs, described as their "coolest yet"
• 2-3 more G-Fuel collabs
• Arcane (None confirmed atm)
• Call of Duty: Zombies: Confirmed so far - Soap and Woods
• Cuphead wave 4: Full collection - Vinyl figures of the other DLC bosses
• FNAF Help Wanted plushies (None confirmed atm)
• FNAF Holiday Cards: Confirmed so far - Cassie & Ruined Roxy for Valentine’s Day & Ruined Monty dressed up as Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer for Christmas
• FNAF Wrapping Paper: Confirmed so far - Security Breach - Ruin themed wrapping paper with M.X.E.S, Wet Floor Bot, & plushies on it, Carrot Cake wrapping paper, and Eclipse
• Marvel wave 2: Confirmed so far - Ironman
• Playstation (None confirmed atm)
• Re:ZERO: Full collection - Emilia, Ram, Rem and Subaru
• Silent Hill (None confirmed atm)
• Slime Rancher wave 3: Confirmed so far - Ramen Bowl Set
• Spyro V6
• StarCraft (None confirmed atm)
• World of Warcraft: Full collection - Purple Dragon, Yellow Dragon and 1 more
• 2-3 Anime collabs

2025

• Ballerina (John Wick spin-off movie, none confirmed atm, releases June 6, 2025)

Confirmed/Contacted but no date.
Creators

• Blerp plush
• Calvin Custard plush
• Leon Karrsen plush
• AdamBomb
• Caseoh
• Jesser
• The Groupchat Podcast
• TheWhyFiles
• PeanutButterGamer V2/PeanutButterGamer x Arthur
• ROBLOX DOORS El Goblino
• Stampy the Cat V2/To the moon episode Stampy
• Yumi plush + pin set
• LukeTheNotable plush
• FusionzGamer plush
• Unknown Isaacwhy product(s)
• Monitor Buddiez Blarg
• More Community Made Stuff: Confirmed so far - An unknown plush bag by Spooky and a lot more Racc_Kun figures
• Every upcoming confirmed/teased Rammie/Jambo: Leonardo from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Rammie, Stranger Things Hellfire Club Rammie, and Halloween-ish/Stranger Things Rammie

Creators who got contacted/reached out, none of these are confirmed atm.

• Adamaru (Its Dirt made a concept of them; he posted it on twitter to show people. Adamaru quote tweeted and said “Hey Youtooz, can we talk? Plus, he’s interested in a figure) made a concept of them; he posted it on twitter to show people. Adamaru quote tweeted and said “Hey Youtooz, can we talk? Plus, he’s interested in a figure)
• Anthony Fantano (Austin spoke with them ages ago, they'll check back on it)
• BoyWithUke (They'll try to reach out)
• Brewstew (Youtooz said they will try contacting)
• Dani (Youtooz said they have just reached out to him)
• Danny Duncan (They've spoken with Danny Duncan, but nothing is set in stone)
• DHMIS (Youtooz are chatting with them, last update with them was that they were still trying on August 30th, 2023)
• Daniel Thrasher (They'll try reaching out, no updates since)
• GradeAUnderA (Austins said he emailed them but got no word back, and he said on stream he would be down for one, so he is going to email them again)
• IShowSpeed (When asked about if he's getting a product in the discord, Austin Long provided with a thinking emoji, they also sparked interest in doing a figure when a person asked about Ishowspeed in an AMA, saying "would be awesome to do")
• Kai Cenat (They have spoken recently in early 2023, however he was too busy, maybe next year)
• Kane Pixels (Youtooz sent some ‘backrooms’ ideas to him via email)
• Kier and Dev (Youtooz replied with "may or may not be in the works")
• Max0r (They'll try reaching out, no updates since)
• Nathaniel Bandy (Youtooz said they are going to try to contact him)
• Niko Omilana (Youtooz reached out to him but said he was busy, a collab next year could happen though
• Oompavile (They have spoken to him; however, they didn't land on anything yet)
• QSMP creators (In the Xmas AMA, they said they're chating with a few QSMP creators)
• Rammie and Jambo design contest (Youtooz said they will bring it up to schlatt and get his thoughts)
• Ryan Trahan (Youtooz said he was busy this year, maybe next year)
• Smosh (They spoke to Anthony & Ian about making Smosh figures, possibly next year)
• Sykkuno (They have spoken recently in early 2023, however he was too busy, maybe next year)
• TheAMaazing (Youtooz spoke with them 1-2 years ago, they didn’t land on anything, however they said they might reach out to him again later in the year)
• The Boys YT (Youtooz have been talking with the group if there could be any new products due to demand)
• UrinatingTree (Youtooz said they were going to look at him, most likely his channel)
• Vat19 (They have spoken to him, however, didn't land on anything, youtooz is going to speak with them again later this year)
• xQc (Youtooz said they spoke to his team ages ago; they will check in soon)
• Alpharad V2 (The last design for a new figure was scrapped because of a 3rd party IP being included in the design, however they're making a new design for a V2 now)
• Caddicarus V2 (I see you Ethan)
• Danny Gonzalez V2 (Youtooz said probably next year sometime they'll have a V2)
• Drew Gooden V2 (Youtooz said probably next year sometime they'll have a V2)
• DougDoug V2/new product(s) (They recently spoke to him for product ideas)
• Thinknoodles V2 (Youtooz said they’ll ask him for one)
• Connorpants V3 (Connor said in a stream he'd do another figure if he had more ideas)
• CoryxKenshin V3 (Youtooz & Cory are actively chatting about a possible V3)
• VanossGaming V4/new product(s) (They pitched some new ideas to Vanoss, possibly next year new stuff will release)
• Drift King/RTGame V5 (They have a design for Drift King, it's unknown if it's going to be turned to be a product)
• Wilford Warfstache/Markiplier V6 (Was discussed as an idea during Darkiplier was being made, there’s a chance it could still happen in the future)

Memes

• Hampter plush
• Swole doge mug
• Baby Shark (Isn't confirmed but they would love to do it for the memes)

Licences

• Baldur's Gate 3 plush wave: Full set - Lae'zel, the Bear, Owlbear Club, & 1 more
• Billie Bust-Up (None confirmed atm)
• Blacklight Teenage Mutant Turtles: Full collection - Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, Michelangelo, Splinter and Shredder
• Cuphead mugs wave: Confirmed mugs atm - Cuphead & Ms. Chalice
• Deadpool: Confirmed so far - Classic Deadpool & Deadpool #33
• Deadpool 3 (None confirmed atm)
• Dungeons & Dragons (None confirmed atm)
• Frieren: Beyond Journey's end plush wave: Full set - Frieren, Fern & Stark plushies
• FNAF keycaps: Confirmed so far - Freddy, Freddy V2, Bonnie, Foxy, Roxanne Wolf
• FNAF Movie figures set: Confirmed so far - Mike (Josh Hutcherson, Doug (Michael P. Sulivan), the Yellow Rabbit/William Afton (Matthew Lillard), Vanessa Shelly (Elizabeth Lail), possibly Jason Blum and 1 more
• FNAF Movie plush wave: Confirmed so far - Sparky the Dog
• FNAF Movie pin-set: Confirmed pins atm - Abby riding Bonnie & the Yellow Rabbit's shadow looking at Mike
• FNAF prints: Full set - FNAF 3, FNAF 4, Sister Location, FFPS, Ultimate Custom Night, Help Wanted, Security Breach, Ruin, and Help Wanted 2 prints
• FNAF Security Breach - Ruin pin-set: Confirmed pins atm - M.X.E.S & DJ Music-Man with Wind Up Music-Mans
• FNAF Withereds plush wave: Confirmed so far - Withered Freddy
• Futurama plush wave: Full set - Lord Nibbler & 2 more
• Garfield plush wave (None confirmed atm)
• Genshin Impact (None confirmed atm)
• Hasbro licenses - My Little Pony, Transformers, Dungeons & Dragons, and Magic: The Gathering
• Hazbin Hotel (None confirmed atm)
• Invader Zimm (None confirmed atm)
• Invincible: Confirmed so far - Omni-Man
• Kaiju No. 8 (None confirmed atm)
• Lethal Company plush wave: Full collection - The PlayeCrewmate & Spore Lizard
• Magic: The Gathering (None confirmed atm)
• Mortuary Assistant: Confirmed so far - The Mimic
• Obey Me: Confirmed so far - Lucifer
• Palword plushies - Full collection - Depresso, Lamball, Pengullet, Chikipi and Relaxaurus
• Plants vs Zombies (None confirmed atm)
• Powerwash Simulator (None confirmed atm)
• Rabbids: Confirmed so far - Rabbid with a plunger plush
• Scott Pilgrim Takes Off: Full collection - Scott Pilgrim and 2 more figures
• Slime Rancher keycaps: Confirmed so far - Pink Slime
• Solo Leveling (None confirmed atm)
• Stranger Things prints: Full set - Season 2 print, Season 3 print, Season 4 print, and Season 5 print
• Super Animal Royale: Confirmed so far - Dogna
• Transformers (None confirmed atm)
• Unknown Paramount product(s)
• Big Mouth wave 2: Confirmed so far - Connie
• Bioshock wave 2: Figures (None confirmed atm)
• Doki Doki Literature wave 2: Confirmed so far - Unknown Nightlight
• Dragon Ball Z plush wave 2: Confirmed so far - Shenon
• FNAF Fanverse wave 2: Full collection: Green Translucent Popgoes, Flocked Candy & Glow-in-the-Dark Ignited Freddy (While not entirely confirmed, I didn’t put it under the reached out section because Kane said he pitched it to Youtooz & he said Youtooz is interested in making it.)
• FNAF Movie wave 2 (None confirmed atm)
• Futurama wave 2: Full drop - Exclusive unknown futurama figure
• Hunter x Hunter wave 2: Confirmed so far - Gon 1FT (on pause or cancelled)
• Minecraft wave 2: Full collection so - Steve, Chicken Pen & Warden
• My Hero Academia wave 2: Confirmed so far - Tenya Ida, Eijiro Kirishima, Fumikage Tokoyami, Momo Yaoyorozu and Tsuyu Asu
• My Little Pony plush wave 2 (None confirmed atm)
• Poppy Playtime plush wave 2/chapter 3 plushies: Full set - CatNap, DogDay, and CraftyCron
• Rayman wave 2: Confirmed so far - 1 unknown figure and a pin-set
• Spongebob plush wave 2: Confirmed so far - Bubble Bass plush, Mr Krabs (likely - youtooz), DoodleBob, and Gary without shell
• Bee & Puppycat wave 3: Confirmed so far - Bee V2
• Chainsaw man wave 3: Confirmed so far - Katana Man
• Bendy and the Ink Machine original wave 3 (None confirmed atm)
• John Wick wave 3: Full drop - New figure of John Wick in a new mold
• My Hero Academia wave 3: Confirmed so far - Dabi/Toya Todoroki (probably - youtooz)
• Sea of Thieves wave 3: Full collection - Megalodon plush & Kraken mug
• Scott Pilgrim Takes Off wave 2 (None confirmed atm)
• Spy x Family wave 3 (None confirmed atm)
• South Park plush wave 3: Confirmed so far - Cartman, Chuck Chuck, and Chef
• Cult of Lamb wave 4: Confirmed so far - Unknown vinyl figures, Lamb Beanie, 3 Follower Form plushies, and Cult of the Lamb wrapping paper
• Garten of BanBan plush wave 4 (None confirmed atm)
• Godzilla wave 4: Confirmed so far - Hedorah and Rodan
• My Little Pony plush wave 3 (None confirmed atm)
• PEANUTS wave 4: Confirmed so far - Ice Hockey Charlie Brown
• Stranger Things wave 5: Confirmed so far - Nancy Wheeler, Argyle and 2 more
• Stranger Things wave 6/season 5 products (None confirmed atm)
• More Avatar - Beanies
• More Banjo Kazooie - Plushies
• More Breaking Bad waves (Their license for BB has been extended by 2 years, so there could be some new products soon.)
• More South Park - Keycaps
• More Spongebob - Keycaps, Beanies and Gary slippers
• More FNAF - Into the pit SpringBonnie plush, Classic Freddy slippers, Roxanne Wolf & Bonnie shoulder riders
• More The Boys - Poster, Puzzle, and season 3 The Boys figures
• More Rugrats - Wawa plush
• More Rust - 1 unknown figure
• More Creator x Licenses - Rammie x Stranger Things and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles x Rammie

Licenses that were contacted/reached out but aren't confirmed atm.

• Akame Ga Kill (Youtooz have said they are trying very hard to make it happen)
• Amphibia (They're tried contacting them but no luck yet)
• APEX Legends (They're chatting with them atm)
• Bojack horseman (They're at the discussing phase for it, there might actually be products)
• Clash Royale (Youtooz said they were talking with supercell, but nothing is locked in)
• Cat In the Hat (Trying to get the rights)
• DC (They've have been working hard to get the license behind the scenes, youtooz were doing the same to Marvel and eventually got the license after a long time, hopefully the same thing happens to DC)
• Death Note (Hasn't been agreed yet)
• Demon Slayer (Youtooz said they are trying)
• Doctor Who (Youtooz is chatting wit BBC Studios to possibly make Doctor Who products)
• Far Cry (They're going ask Ubisoft to make products of this game)
• Funimation's mob Psycho 100 (Youtooz said they will ask them about making products)
• Ghostbusters (They're trying to negotiate a deal with Sony, most likely it's for the upcoming 2024 movie 'untitled Ghostbusters: Afterlife sequel')
• Haikyu (They're working on to get the license so they can start making products)
• Hat in the time (Youtooz said they will try to reach out)
• Hollow Knight (They are trying to contact them but have gotten no word back yet)
• Impractical Jokers (They're going to reach out to them)
• Jujutsu Kaisen (Youtooz have said they are trying very hard to make it happen)
• Kingdom Hearts (They have been trying to get in touch)
• La casa de papel (Austin sent some ideas to Netflix but isn't set in stone atm)
• MMA and UFC fighters (They been contacted about figures, but nothing confirmed as of yet)
• Nintendo (They have spoken a bunch but haven't finalized anything yet, they're still trying as you're reading this)
• Rainbow 6 Siege (They're talking to Ubisoft for products)
• Resident Evil (They've have asked Capcom for products)
• Rick and Morty (Austin said they're trying)
• Sally Face (Austin said he’ll send his team to reach out to them)
• SAW (Youtooz are talking with the SAW team again to make products)
• Silent Hill (Youtooz is talking to Konami for Silent Hill, there could be something next year)
• Smiling Friends (Youtooz said they'll try to reach out to their team)
• Sonic the Hedgehog (Sega said to Youtooz after they stop making dead meme figures they can try to make Sonic products, but atm they haven't yet, and it's been a year since the last dead meme figure. But what has happened is they have gotten the SEGA license, they're doing Persona first and if it goes well, they hope to do more SEGA ips later)
• Terraria (Youtooz has been trying to get into contact with them)
• Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (They'll ask about them)
• The Owl House (They're tried contacting them but no luck yet)
• Power Rangers (They've spoken to Hasbro for the licenses)
• Valve games (They're trying to get the license of Valve to make some popular games ex: TF2)
• Wednesday (Youtooz are currently chatting with Netflix if they could make products for the show)
• Wonder Brothers (Youtooz has been chatting with wb for a bunch of their shows)
• WWE (They're speaking to them)
• Yourage (Youtooz said they will try to reach out)

Licenes that youtooz has but hasnt used yet

• Pink Panther
• FNAF Books

Artists

• SlipKnot plushies (on pause)
• Weezer plushies (It could turn into real products in the future, but as far as we know it's just art for fun)
• Greta Van Fleet plush wave (Not confirmed to be in production as yet since the "hypothetically" in the title, however tons of fans want it turned into real products like the Tally Hall demand so it's probably going to happen)
• Gorillaz plush wave (Same situation as the Greta Van Fleet plushies, not confirmed to be in production as yet since the "hypothetically" in the title, however fans want it turned into real products like the Tally Hall demand so it's probably going to happen)
• My Chemical Romance plush wave ( not confirmed to be in production as yet since the "possibly" in the title, however fans want it turned into real products like the Tally Hall demand so it's probably going to happen)
• 21 Pilots plush wave (Same situation as the Greta Van Fleet, Gorillaz, and My Chemical Romance plushies, not confirmed to be in the works atm, they were pontenial concepts and youtooz are waiting for opinions. It could happen in the future)
• Bo Burnham (They were trying to contact his team, no updates since, unknown if they did get in contact)
• Dan Bull (They'll try reaching out)
• Joji (Youtooz reached out to him, he never responded)
• Lil Uzi (Youtooz sent his team some sketches, but nothing locked)
• Will Wood (Will is not interested in a plushie, reason why he thinks it's weird, however he is interested in a vinyl figure of him with Mr. Boy (his past pet rat) or just a figure of Mr. Boy)
• Yung Gravy v2 (A concept art for a V2 has been designed, however it hasn’t been fully approved yet)

Youtooz /Animal OCs

• Unknown bug products
• Unknown cat plush
• Frog plushies
• Bakery Dogs blind box
• Calico Cat mug
• Todd V2 (Youooz said their idea for a V2 would be Todd with a sick action pose where he's fighting off USPS to deliver stuff faster)
• Tuxedo Cat mug
• Supermega Tape
• Youtooz Chess
• Youtooz Gift Cards
• Youtooz Toilet Paper (isn't really confirmed but youtooz said they designed some)
• Youtooz hats and more beanies (They're working on ideas for the both of them)

Things that were confirmed a while ago but haven't gotten any updates since/might have been cancelled.

• Bruh Plush 2FT
• Bruh Plush 6 inch
• Capybara Footies
• Imsuda Floppy plush
• Legend of Korra plush wave 2: Confirmed so far - Pabu
• Meaty Marley V3
• Tuxbird V2/Plushies
• Youtooz Artbook
• Youtooz Shoes

**I am NOT OP. The OPs of this story are: u/Dapper-Yellow8180, u/Comfortable-City-190, and u/Away-Palpitation-444.**
trigger warnings: Neglect, possible animal abuse, and deadbeat parent
So this story has been going on since at least August of last year, across three accounts which people are convinced are the same person.
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AITA for telling my kids’ stepmom to back off, Posted August 7th, 2023 by u/Away-Palpitation-444
So apparently my kids told their stepmom my son’s bearded dragon was looking sick, or malnourished or something inaccurate, and their stepmom who has her own bearded dragon (that they just got so not like she id an expert) asked them a bunch of questions about our set up and started sending them over with little cans of bugs and an expensive UVB light for “the proper lighting” whatever the f that means.
I’m first and foremost a little peeved at my teen who is the one who told his stepmom that “i let the lizard just live in his own poop” and was asking why her bearded dragon doesn’t smell but ours does. He also is the one who told her our bearded dragon looks sick and I guess my younger chimed in. My younger also told me his brother told his stepmom he wasn’t getting attached to it because it might die early like the last bearded dragon we had. Like wtf??
The lizard is about 6 months old now and a little small, but I feed it daily some crickets and pellets and clean the poop every couple days. I do take care of it and it’s really not this woman’s place to be telling the kids things like “oh they should be fed 2-3x a day as babies and need to eat a lot of bugs” and implying that I am doing something awful like starving this animal.
So when my younger son came at me again with “something stepmom told him” I told him to tell her I know how to take care of lizards and I’ve had bearded dragons way longer than she has, and to stop using my kids as messengers.
Apparently he went and told his stepmom that and now my ex is texting me that I’m an asshole, she was “only trying to help the kids and their animal” and “its not like you’d ever listen to us about anything so she was trying to teach the kids how to take care of it”. I think at bare minimum it should have been their dad teaching them, not some lady who isn’t their parent.
AITA?
AITA for not allowing my ex to get the kids their passport?, Posted August 20th, 2023 by u/Comfortable-City-190
My ex and I are split up. Our older son lives with him and younger with me. We are both not high income but he somehow landed a wife who makes 4x our income and they often go out of the country on nice vacations which I guess he has been sharing with the kids.
The kids want their passports now thanks to his brainwashing. I initially said yes because him and my son caught me off guard and started asking me if it was okay one day. Then I had time to think about it and realized how bad things are in the world right now and I don’t feel like it’s worth the risk and danger having the kids so far away from me and out of the country with their dad and stepmom. They also need my consent per our custody agreement to go out of the country anyway, and at this point I’d never say yes.
So today when my ex asked me if X date was okay for the passport appointment I asked where he is even going to be taking the kids, to which he told me “he didn’t know yet, they just want to get the ball rolling because it takes 3 months just to get the passport and they haven’t planned anything specific yet” which I find sketchy.
So I told him and the kids no, that he needs my consent to take them anywhere because of how bad the world is right now and I’d never agree so passports are pointless. My younger son got upset and my ex got angry also and kept repeating “are you just never going to allow them to go anywhere then?” I never said that, just not right now.
So my ex is texting me now saying I’m an asshole and I’m “robbing my kids of experiences” except I never have gone out of the country and don’t have a passport and I am fine, so I don’t really buy it. Like does a 7 year old and a 14 year old really need to experience japan or england or whatever, they can go when they are 18 and probably appreciate it more then. Other than some initial disappointment my kids haven’t even mentioned it to me again so I have a feeling they don’t really care and it’s more their dad influencing them.
So AITA?
AITA for not helping my ex pay for our older son?, Posted August 21st, 2023 by u/Dapper-Yellow8180
We have two kids, that both used to live with me. one lives with my ex now (high school) and the younger (2nd grade) with me. They are supposed to both see the other parent EOWE and we split 50/50 summers. However because my older started playing football I gave up a lot of my time over the summer because his practice is an hour away so i just told him to stay with his dad
With regards to child support, I filed when I had both kids but for whatever reason the amount came out to 0 in court, and with the custody change turned out I had to pay him ?? but the courts were kind enough to keep it at 0 since I was the one who filed.
So since then, we have each just been paying for the child who lives with us. Also when I had both children I never asked their father to chip in for anything. He did buy clothes and supplies for both boys and paid for the extracurriculars and our older son’s expensive contact lenses (his vision is so bad the contact lenses have to be custom made) but i never hounded him for it.
Unfortunately my ex does not feel the same now that he has custody. He keeps texting me (seems to be out of spite because he knows I reduced my hours to part time to take care of my boyfriend and I’s baby and no longer make what i used to) saying “the child support order that I filed for states medical costs must be shared 50/50” so now he wants me to pay half of the contact lenses (200 dollars a year) and also half for his braces which I did agree to pay (100/month). I told him no to the contact lenses because our son can just wear glasses, which are totally covered by the insurance but my ex says our teen does not want to wear glasses because he plays football.
My ex is also constantly hounding me to contribute to things like football costs for uniforms (he wanted 50 bucks), extracurricular costs, pe clothes, school items, etc because he claims our older son is “more expensive than the younger”, that he still buys our younger son clothes because “i just give him hand me downs” and he has both boys more than 50% on average because I gave up time with our older son. He told me I am essentially abandoning our older son just because he no longer lives with me (not true, i did buy him a 60 dollar backpack for school and a nice belt). When i told him I couldn’t afford it because I work part time now he told me “go back to working full time” and that having another child doesn’t mean I can just stop paying for my current kids. I do pay for my kids, i pay for food and clothes for my younger.
I find it extremely hurtful what my ex is saying. He even threw in that their stepmom is supporting him more than me. I spend time with my son when I do see him, and I am basically paying for my younger son entirely.
AITA?
AITA for not letting my son go to homecoming on my weekend?, Posted on September 18th, 2023 by u/Dapper-Yellow8180
My son is a freshman and his dad is telling me he wants to go to homecoming but it is 6-10 pm on my saturday (I get him fri night to sunday night). I only see him 4 days a month right now and he only sees his brother on the weekends because my ex took my older son away from me to go live with him when he wasn’t doing good in school with me…
So I told his dad no and said it isn’t fair to me or his brother to allow him to go and I can’t drive him there because it’s an hour each way so would be 4 hours of driving for me. His dad said he would give up the monday but I’d still only get him from sunday morning to monday evening which is less than my usual time. Well my son is throwing a fit now and his dad is telling me I don’t put my kids first, but it’s literally just a dance?
I barely see my son and I already up a lot of time for his football practice.
AITA for not letting my son go to homecoming over grades, Posted September 21st, 2023 by u/Dapper-Yellow8180
My son lives with his dad and is a freshman in high school. His dad asked if our son could go to homecoming as it is on my weekend. I initially said no because I live an hour away and only see him 4 days a month, but his dad offered to switch weekends so i was considering letting him go.
However, i checked his grades and saw that he has a D in one of his classes. I emailed the teacher and she said he has been on his phone in class and unfocused and not doing assignments complete.
I texted my ex who told me he has been working with the teacher, counselor and assistant principal and our son for the last 3 weeks but the teacher has been relatively non responsive, gives students 0s if they don’t follow all instructions to a T, and takes forever to update grades after the students fix the problems. He told me he already turned our sons phone off during school hours as punishment and the D is due to one 200 point assignment where our son received a 0 for not taking notes correctly in class and he is working with the teacher to help him redo it and turn it in the right way and the teacher allegedly said he could do this. He also claims he has been in contact with all his other teachers and he is not acting up in their classes and this instance was specifically when there was a sub in class. Needless to say I have difficulty believing my ex as I am sure he does not want to admit our son is not doing as great as he thought he would be in his care.
My ex also is attributing our son’s academic issues on being new to high school and the school district and is blaming me for “not having any oversight and enabling him” the last 4 years and him switching schools a few times and that “his last school district was not good and he never learned any good study habits”. Which is ridiculous because I tried very hard to get my son back on track when he was with me until my ex got the judge to move him to his district. Also his dad is enabling him now by trying to get me to let him go to homecoming when he is almost failing a class??
I texted my ex and my son and said absolutely not, no homecoming dance due to the D and his bad behavjor in class, that I will not reward bad behavior and bad grades. I also explained to my son that homecoming is for juniors and seniors anyway and he will have the next 3 years to attend.
My son is furious with me, and I feel bad but at the same time my work friends are telling me I am doing the right thing by disciplining him when his dad will not.
[CA] My ex came to my car and argued with me, should I bring up for trial?, Posted October 7th, 2023 by u/Dapper-Yellow8180
My ex is very high conflict. When I was not allowing my son to go to homecoming on my weekend, (I eventually did) my son was arguing with me and his dad who was dropping off my younger son, started backing him up and also arguing and yelling at me in front of the kids.
I do not feel safe anymore and he traumatized my younger son.
We have trial coming up. He is trying to get my younger son also (he has custody of the older). Will it be effective to bring this up that he emotionally scares my younger son and me?
He also did this a couple years ago so this is the second time and he argues with me all the time on talkingparents.
AITA for refusing to compromise on custody schedule?, Posted on October 20th, 2023 by u/Away-Palpitation-444
Edit: MY SON IS A FRESHMAN. So he does not play for varsity he just likes to go to the games as a social event or to volunteer.
So I am in conflict with my son mostly (15) but also my ex. Part of the reason I am so inflexible now is because my ex just takes advantage and always pushes to take time away from me when I already only see my son 4 days a month. It doesn’t seem fair that I am the only one having to move things around. His younger brother lives with me and goes to his dad every other weekend. This was done so the boys could see each other on weekends so it is also not fair to him.
I no longer allow my son to stay for varsity games on Fridays (my pick up time is 730 pm, but if he stays for games I usually have to pick him up at around 930 or forfeit the night). I tried this once and it was very hard on my boyfriend and baby. He also asked me this week if I could drop off his cousin and brother earlier for my ex’s weekend at 6 pm (his cousin was spending the wknd with him for his birthday) because it’s his birthday and he wanted his cousin and brother to go with him to the varsity game. During school dances I find myself having to give up time also. Switching weekends doesn’t work because I work every other Sunday and I set it up that way so I can spend max time on my weekends with my older son and my boyfriend cannot watch the kids when I work on the weekends.
I should add that I also had to forfeit a lot of time during summer that we split 50/50 for his football practice that was 4 days a week because it is like an hour drive to take him to practice.
My son told me the other day that I am mean and I suck and I never give him a real reason why I can’t be flexible on the schedule “i just say no”. However this is my time with him and it doesn’t seem fair to have to give up hours or drive to get him late just so he can hang out at games or dances. There are plenty of games and dances he can go to on the 80% of days he is with his dad.
[CA] Will me being “inflexible” with court order look bad in trial?, October 21st, 2023 by u/Away-Palpitation-444
My ex and son (15) always asks to switch weekends or do drop off early and I used to accommodate but ever since he is taking me to trial I just have been sticking exactly to the court order. I also only see my older son 4 days a month and have structured my work schedule around that (I work part time, every other sunday) so when I switch weekends I basically lose a day because of work.
My ex is complaining because he says he does drop offs at different times when I ask, and when I had primary he said he often switched weekends, or gave up his monday holidays. He says my older son is getting frustrated because I am “difficult” and “always say no” to him. I’ve just repeatedly told him on talking parents that I don’t want to switch because Of my work schedule and because we need to follow the court order and to stop harassing me. For example:
my son wanted me to drop off his cousin and brother (who lives with me primarily) an hour early so they could go to the varsity football game for his birthday. I told him no we have a court ordered time for drop off.
my son wanted to go to a varsity game to volunteer on my weekend and asked if I could get him a few hours late. I said no.
my ex wanted to switch weekends so my son could go to his team trip to a college game and I said no, but I did give up friday night to saturday so he could go.
my ex wanted to switch wknds so my son could go to a school dance. I said no initially but ended up just giving up my Saturday again and let him go.
my ex wanted to switch weekends for thanksgiving because the way it worked out this year was he gets them fri-sun, then i get them sun-wed, he gets wed-fri, i get fri-sun. He wanted to switch to cut down on the kids travel time allegedly so that we only have to do pick up drop off three times instead of five times but that’s really only two hours saved which isn’t that big of a difference. I think he has something planned that weekend and can’t watch the kids.
my ex is also mad at me for refusing any out of country travel for the kids even though it is his fault for showing them photos of their global trips in the first place.
So yeah now my ex is saying I am high conflict and controlling and more so ever since the trial was put on calendar and not putting the kids first. Is he going to get anywhere with this in trial?
AITA for buying my boyfriend a more expensive gift than my son?, Posted November 5th, 2023 by u/Away-Palpitation-444
So my son is 15 and I only see him every other weekend and 50-50 summers. This isn’t because I’m a bad mom or whatever people tend to think it’s because the judge is split up him and his younger brother because my older son wanted to go live with his dad. So we each see one kid every other weekend so that the brothers can spend the weekend together.
That being said, my older son’s birthday fell on his dad’s weekend this year and his stepmom and his dad went all out and took him on a staycation to celebrate. I am unfortunately not as well off as them. I did give him a card and $40 cash which he said thank you and seemed fine with us.
While he was gone, it was my boyfriend’s birthday. He has been so supportive through all the custody battles and me struggling financially, and basically lets us live with him in his house rent free and helps me take my younger son to school and take care of our baby. He is a great stepdad. I wanted to do something nice for him so I bought him the PS five bundle since he has been using an old PS4 for a while, we got a cake and did a mini celebration with my younger son and baby and him while my older son was at his dads.
Well, I guess my younger son told my older about it and my older son is now furious with me. He is starting to say again that I don’t care about him and I only care about my new family. However, he was the one who chose to tell the judge he wanted to go live with his dad. It’s basically his dad‘s fault that I barely see him now. I do still love him and care for him but he had already celebrated his birthday at his dads house. He told me that he thought I would at least get him a cake and he thought the cake was for him when I took him to the store to buy the cake for my boyfriend, and that it was messed up to do that for my boyfriends and just give him $40.
I guess I don’t really agree because my boyfriend is an adult and so obviously his gifts will be more expensive than a 15-year-old.
Losing son and don’t know what to do, Posted November 21st, 2023 by u/Comfortable-City-190
How do you show courts about alienation?
Every time my 15 year old ends up living with his dad and we have court coming up this happens. The first was when he was 12 - i made the mistake of letting him and his brother stay with his dad during covid (no order at the time). At that point he was still my baby and would fight with his dad often. He was still angry with his dad about the separation.
But all of a sudden after living there, he became angry with me often, not wanting to stay with me as much, getting mad at me if I did not let him go to his dads. I tried forcing the old schedule back and only letting the kids see their dad EOWE to reduce the alienation but then my ex filed for custody and got 55/45 until covid ended.
Fortunately once covid ended the mediator realized my ex was influencing our son by telling him the schools were better where he lived so I got my sons back but was still about 60/40 joint custody.
Then my ex filed again last year and somehow got my son to tell the judge that he wanted to live with his dad. Fortunately they ended up only sending my older son to live there and let me keep my younger son. Unfortunately that meant we both had custody of the other child reduced to EOWE so the boys could see each other on weekends.
For about 6-7 months my son was okay - then when he started high school and my ex pushed for a custody trial to try and get my younger son, everything deteriorated. We constantly fight over things like me not letting him go to school dances, or not allowing him to change the schedule to stay at his dads more (since I barely see him…). He tells me I don’t care about him, tells his dad (who encourages him) that he hates my boyfriend and I only care about him and our new baby. That I only care about his brother and not him.
My ex sent him to stay with me on his wknd this week because he went out of town and not even a day into it he got into a fight with my boyfriend for yelling at him when he was fighting with his brother. Told his dad l let my bf “get in his face” that he hates it here and wants to leave. He told me the same thing when we moved in with my boyfriend last year - “I hate it here and I am going to tell the judge I want to live with my dad” which his dad jumped on.
This is alienation right? How do I deal with my son and how do I show the courts this so I don’t also lose my younger son? He used to be such a mama’s boy :(
AITAH for “blaming” my older son for his brother’s behavior at school?, Posted January 13th, 2024 by u/Dapper-Yellow8180
For the record my older son lives with his dad and frequently cusses and is crude. My younger son is in 2nd grade and lives with me. They used to both live with me up until a year or so ago and now see each other only on weekends and breaks.
My younger son did not have any issues at school outside a mishap 4-5 months ago where his teacher got mad at him and reached out to me when his classmates beat up a 1st grader and my son just watched and did not go and an adult.
However after spending all christmas break with his brother (1.5 weeks at his dads and then 1.5 weeks with me) he suddenly gets sent to the principal’s office because during independent work time he asked his partner to “smell his (privates)” (unsure if he said balls or butt) and lifted his leg up for him to do so. His teacher said my son told her he was “just messing around”. When I spoke to my son and demanded to know where he learned that from he refused to tell Me from who and kept saying “from his own head”. I am positive this came from his brother and my son was just trying to not get him in trouble.
I told both my older son and ex this and now both are furious with me. My ex claims I am only trying to pin this on his household because we have a custody trial coming up, and the teacher told him during conferences that my younger son was already talking out of turn and touching people in class, that he could have gotten it from friends or anywhere and that he has heard our older son cuss but never anything about privates. He also rudely told me to stop blaming everyone else and just parent our child.
My older son is angry with me because he claims he doesn’t say things like that (but he lies frequently and I have heard him be crude) and feels like it’s unfair to pin the behavior on him. He asked me if his brother started fighting in school or vaping if I’d blame him too.
AITA? I did tell my younger son not to do it again and put him in the corner for his behavior
AITA for being a “deadbeat” parent to my older son?, Posted January 18th, 2024 by u/Comfortable-City-190
Some background - my ex had been fighting for custody since 2020 and is still going. He finally managed to get my older son living with him and because the courts kept my younger son with me we now only see the other child every other weekend so the boys can spend weekends together. I filed for child support but because we make around the same, it was set at 0 with us splitting medical costs and him covering insurance.
So before when both kids lived with me primarily I paid for everything for them - medical, extracurriculars, etc. my ex paid my rent and phone bill and paid for stuff for the kids separate from me. He however decided he didn’t owe any support anymore when the custody became 50/50 even though its his job as a father to support his family.
Now that my older son is with him he constantly hounds me for money that I can’t afford because I work part time now and have a baby with my new partner to take care of. I also pay for my younger son (clothes, food, haircuts, school supplies, doctors visits) and never ask him for anything for him. He feels that because he still pays on his own decision for clothing and shoes for my younger son that I am a “deadbeat” for not providing for my older son (I do still pay for half my older son’s braces which is like 100/month and for birthday/xmas gifts and got him a backpack for school).
Some things my ex keeps asking for:
half of my son’s contact lens fees
half of copays for medical procedures
money for his extracurriculars which are OPTIONAL and cost way too much
half of school field trip fees
I keep telling him I don’t have the money and now he is heavily implying I don’t care about my older son and that my older son is way more expensive than my younger son so me not contributing to his expenses is basically “deadbeat” status. The most hurtful thing he has said is that my kids stepmom provides more for my older son than I do because I won’t “step up” which is terrible and unfair because she makes way more money as it is.
So am I wrong for refusing?
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**Reminder - I am not the original poster.*\*

Hi All,
I'm looking for any help where possible please from anyone with the hormone knowledge to do so and ive sot some bloods where required (even though Dr has missed e2) .
Can anyone please help with reading y story and seeing if you can help at all please 🙏🏽
Firstly, some initial background about me:
I'm male, 43 years old, 5'8, approx 13.5 stone, just got back into training approx a year ago again after a 10 year break (as had kids and just unfortunately let things slip!), had an injury just before Xmas and just getting back into lifting/cardio now👍🏽.
History:
When was much younger (approx 23/25yrs old) I dabbled with anabolic steroids (stupidly) as wasn't too sure with what i was doing... trained with another guy who assured me that he knew wat he was doing.
Long story short, i did a course of deca and test, just 1 pin p/w, didnt seem like a big pr major course for a 6 week period, felt as if had deca dick off it... i waited a while and visited Dr whom said body would sort itself out...
I dont think it did, after getting help was advised yrs ago to do a course of test (sustanon) and did a basic PCT - shot of hcg and then nolvadex/clomid for approx a wk or so (Please note that it was a different time 10/15 yrs ago and couldn't just go upto somebody and starting asking about loss of libido/deca dick/erection issues as can now) so literally did the best i could.
Anyway years passed, I'll agree I got real lazy had different jobs and me and my partner had 2 children, so I thought I'm OK 👍🏽, however years later and and after having symptoms of low T, usual symptoms of brain fog, tiredness, no morning wood, no erections (unless days) ED, PE, achy balls at times... balls feel soft but not small... read that loss of hair on legs is a sign which i have on one leg lower down , joint pain and just tenderness and loss of strength etc... breathing issues (hearts got checked out by ecg and it was fine).
I decided to get checked out and drs reluctantly agreed... after a lot of persistence!
I eventually managed to get an appointment and after getting results saw testosterone was at a measly 9.6 nmol.
I complained this was low and got the nonsense that 'you're within reference range' you don't need anything.
Waited 3/4 months and I managed to get private medical care and got checked out again. Gave Ultrasound, Kidneys and Prostate check which were all fine. Had other bloods checked as follows:
Sodium: 138 (133-146 mmol/L) Potassium: 4.2 (3.5-5.3) Urea: 6.6 (2.5-7.8) Creatnine: 86
LH: 6.7 (1.7-8.6 IU/L) FSH: 6.9 (1.5-12.4 IU/L) Prolactin: 194 (86-324 mu/L) Testosterone: 10.9 (8.64-29 nmol/L)
Thyroid: Free T4: 19.8 (11-26 pmol/L) TSH: 0.79 (0.27-4.2 uU/ML
So as you can see from above, Test levels showing at 10.8 nmol, still low 😕.
Urologist prescribed testosterone and wanted me to be on Testosterone Undecanoate 1 x 3 months. Was on this for 3 months and didn't agree with me had some side effects and came out in weird rashes, caused major PE also so got off asap and wished to change to Sustanon.
Now when I did this as anabolic steroids when younger, didn't have any issues with it. However, as this was prescribed not UGL and medically, they prescribed 1 x 3 weeks! (250mg). Needless to say this was a ridiculous protocol, compared to 1 x 1 week in my younger years! I managed to decrease the time to 1 x 2 weeks! However still awful. This resulted in a major rollercoaster of going up and down constantly with mood changes and just downright horrid to be on. I just had to get off ASAP.
As a wise man once told me "Going to the NHS for TRT is like going to the butchers for a haircut". He wasn't far wrong!
Decided to come off for fertility reasons and till i can afford proper care or inject myself as guessing would need a few smaller injections per week i.e Sust - 1 .03 x 3 times pw. Dr gave me nothing to come off with in terms of PCT.
I acquired some HCG just in case it would have been a bumpy ride along with Nolvadex. Felt literally horrid after coming off the test which was expected. So administered a good 2/3 weeks of HCG after the adequate time needed for injections to clear out if system, then did as follows:
Week 1 - M 2500 iu, T - 500iu - 29/05 Week 2 (EOD) - Sun - 500 iu, Tues - 500iu, Thurs - 500iu - Sat - 500iu - Wk 3 - Mon - 850iu, Wed - 1000iu, Fri - 850 iu.
Felt much better and then was going to start Nolva, but had some ocular side effects and then was told HPTA may just fire up anyway and they may not be needed, so didn't want to risk my eyesight so took the decision to proceed without this.
I waited a few months, had some weakness in muscles coming back and some major itching for some strange reason (when initially administed HCG). However, months passed and slowly started getting back to normal without requiring test from NHS!
So since August 2023, been TRT free, just recently had my NHS appointment to see endo, did fasted bloods this time and they are as follows:
Hb - 156/L (135-180) Calcium adjusted 2.35 mmol/L (2.20-2.60) ALT 53 iu/L (<40) TSH: 2.3 miu/L (0.20-4.00) FSH: 8.0 iu/L (1.0-9.0) FT4: 17.1 pool/L (10.0-20.0) Prolactin: 254 mu/L (<550) Testosterone: 12.4 nmol/L (8.0-30.0) 25 OH Vit D - 38 nmol/L (50-100) SHBG: 16 Ha1bc: 27 mmol/mol (20-41)
Understand that Vit D is low (probably as ran out of Vit D tabs and its been winter and liver enzymes a little high, so getting LFTs in due course but I believe this is because diet not been great.
Endo advised that just need to lose weight and test should increase, which I believe is the generic answer.
I'm now getting back into gym and doing cardio - walking everyday at dinner time, cutting down on all fats and increased healthy fats (i.e almond butter, salmon, tuna and fish oils etc) and changing lifestyle again.
Can anyone comment on the latest bloods though please?
FSH looks a little high? SHBG low? Test increased a little but still low? Prolactin high? Is this a cause for concern? Any additional areas?
Endo forgot to post Oestradiol/e2! I'll chase him up about this but believed it was 116 when last checked and then when came off TRT measured at 70 pmol, however think this will have increased by now too but what figure is optimal with this?
Any help would be greatly appreciated! 👍🏽👌🏽

Saw this just within last few months..very opening scene is a group of teen boys and girls that put on CREEPY demented elf masks and break into a very wealthy house while unknown christmasy rap music song is playing. The Stepmother is home and they tie her up with cord of Xmas lites and beat her and trash the house, steal stuff, guzzle whiskey. One teen boy hits lady over the head and kills her. Rest of teens freak out bc they were just supposed to steal stuff, not kill her bc one of the girl teen it's HER house and she hates the stepmom but didnt want her dead! Next scene is the detectives looking at the crime scene, talking to the dad and the teen herself. Detectives piece together it was her and catch her and the boyfriend bc of matching pins on their shirts. ?.. It may have been an episode of a fictional crime show 😒

Been in a relationship with this guy (29) for 3 months now....
During our dating stage and first 3 dates he was still trying to find closure from his ex (of 9 years) that left him for someone else. Wasn't fully over it but I didn't know that till later on.
In the dating stage, before becoming "official" he s been chatting to another woman, exchanging nude photos, talking about his days and planning a first date. Once i complained about him not messaging me often, he said he needs an understanding woman, not someone so needy, because he has a busy work schedule. Eventually i found out he, in fact, had the time to message her during his "busy schedule". All along he was seeing me, sleeping with me, told me he was only talking to me so he could give me 100% of him and wouldn't have been fair otherwise. He told me he saw a futire with me. Anyways i saw the chats on his phone and he eventually came clean about it and stopped talking to her and blocked her. Despite that he still kept lieing about only messaging her on instagram when in fact i spoke to the woman and they have been chatting on whatsapp as well. He kept denying it until i showed him screenshots of the chats myself. All along he made me feel i was being "needy" for no reasons, not understanding, he tried to say he was chatting to her because i didn't give him enough security and he tought i was also seeing other people when actually i made it clear from the beginning i wasn't. Just made up excuses and turned it back on me.
Also found out he messaged other people on hinge when he told me he didn't.
Stupidly i took his apologies and kept seeing him. He told me his phone pin and said i could go on it whenever i wanted cause he didn't have anything else to hide and just wants to be with me.
Became "official" as in boyfriend and girlfriend.
Spent xmas with his family and met his friends. All been lovely and welcoming.
A week ago, been cleaning his house cause i ve been staying there working from home while he was away for work when i found 10 printed fully naked photos of his ex hidden in a box. When confronted about it he said he forgot they were in there and it was just an honest mistake. That i shouldn't make a big deal about it. I was sad, angry, disgusted, confused and just felt like it was another low blow in our relationship that he could have avoided if he really wanted to.
I completely lost any trust in him since i found out about the secret messaging, even tho we weren't together at the time. He still lied to my face, made me feel like i was the problem, made me question my own sanity, made me paranoid every time his phone went off, he complimented her curly hair many times when i ve got straight hair myself (even something as small as that, you know how much it can affect one).
All along i did nothing but being loyal, opened up about my past relationship (been cheated on), being there to support him. He had some sort of erectile dysfunction when i started seeing him and needed to take pills to get/stay hard. That was because his ex used to use sex as leverage and denied it from him making him loose confidence in himself as a man. I helped him get off those pills even tho it wasn't great the first few times but i wanted him to get over that barrier and make him gain confidence again. I ve been looking after his dogs so he wouldn't have to pay for a dog sitter and obviously i love dogs as well, transformed his place from a bachelor's pod to a more livable, tidy, organised house. Basically been doing wifey stuff cause maybe i am in fact delulu....
Last year, before meeting me, he booked a trip to Vietnam with his mate for 10 days. In his past relationship he wasn't allowed to go on holiday with other pople and she was possessive so apparently this is the trip he s been wanting for years. The trip is coming up at the end of march which makes it 3 months since we became official.
In these 3 months, apart from what i mentioned above, everything else's been ok. He s been quite open and apologetic about everything but i still don't trust him and feel like i have not been given time to heal and build that trust again. I know i won't be okay with him going away on holiday and it will really affect me mentally because i really do like him but so far it has not been an easy ride. My trust is not there and he said he will go on this trip whether i like it or not. I shouldn't have to ask him to cancel this trip because of me / his past mistakes but i also think our relationship is not a priority here. Trust is built over time and him going away so soon, after what happened between us, it's just gonna put another dent in our relationship. I just cannot take it mentally and emotionally and the whole anxiety that comes with it. He said he is going to this trip and if that means loosing me, he will be sad about it but nothing he can do.
Am i exhausted from forgiving him and having to clean my own wounds. I don't feel appreciated and feel like i deserve better. I ve done a lot for this man but just feel down all the time.
Am i loosing the plot here? How would you feel? Should i even bother wasting anymore time? Am i in the wrong or am i wearing rose tinted glasses? 😞

I dropped my Flipper in the pool. It immediately stopped working and after ~3 minutes it turned off and wouldn’t turn on again. I took it apart, it was full of water, tried to disassemble it more but ended up breaking off a ribbon cable clamp (weird black thing) from the socket for the ribbon cable and the bottom iButton pin… I left it like that and put it in a ziplock to avoid breaking it more… thankfully I saved SD card quickly. But, does anyone do repairs? Or would my warranty cover a replacement? (Got it for Xmas) Thank you, Best regards -Leon

Im writing this hoping to get some advice or to connect with people who may have been through or are going through a similar situation as doctors have no answers for me Ive been unwell for 4 months now on going since the 1st of November 2023, All of a sudden one day as I was driving I felt this feeling come over me like I was disassociating / out of body and my chest tightened and heart rate went up. I knew straight away something was up but I tried to ignore it as I hoped it was just a strange hangover experience on that particular day. By the next morning I woke up and felt like I couldn't breathe, blacked out walking to the bathroom and my HR was elevated... Was having chest pains too so went to the ER and had the usual bloods and ECG done and was sent home with suspected costochondritis/ anxiety (I am not an anxious person).
(Leading up to this episode I had woke up with a sore sternum the week before, thought I slept funny on my chest, and had the odd wandering pain in my chest but took no notice and felt normal)
As the month went on I started getting weaker and then vomiting and nausea set in, I also get heart palpitationsthat come from nowhere, I wouldn't be stressed or anxious id just be in bed and get a shock feeling in my chestand my heart would take off. I was put on Maxolon and Zoton for the nausea. I get a tight throat like its closing up and feel dizzy and blurry vision in kind of an off-kilter way. I ended up getting an endoscope done on the 8th of December which showed mild gastritis and more severe oesophigitis, but was told this shouldn't be a factor of my vomiting.
I also get this muscle twitching feeling in my left breast that feels like its my heart doing strange beats but it isn't because it doesn't match my pulse. And chest pains under my left breast by my heart and above it
I Kept going back to my GP as I was getting worse and she sent me for a Medical Assessment, I ended up being admitted for 10 days and had extensive blood work done, head CT scan, CT of abdomen and a halter monitor. Whenever I move or stand up my heart rate goes nuts. I also get this rash over my chest and stomach sometimes like a scratching look and other times blotchy... I lost a stone and a half weight in the process and was vomiting every day in the hospital even with loads of PPI and anti nausea drugs. I had a blip of SVT rhythm on my halter monitor so I was sent to a cardiac unit and hooked up to their monitor for 4 days, they did an ECHO and countless ECG's when I was having the palpitations and nothing sinister was showing up, I get Bradycardia at night I go into the 40/50s and then tachycardia during the day up to 90-100 resting and 140 or more when moving or standing.
I got sent home just before Xmas because the cardiologist said they couldn't find anything mechanically wrong with my heart and that it was 'the vomiting' and gastritis causing the elevated HR. Was sent home and told to take a Pantoprazole every am.
Since I've been home through January the vomiting has ceased and I've slowly improved in some ways, I'm eating more and on a really strict clean lactose and gluten free diet even tho I'm not coeliac, I'm avoiding anything spicy etc all the usual GERD recommendations but I'm still miles from being better and back to normal life. I find it strange I don't get any burning in my throat or stomach pains that would indicate bad GERD, I just belch more than usual and occasionally still feel nauseous and bloated. I still get the heart palpitations out of nowhere, my HR from sitting to standing still doubles, I have the off kilter / bad vision everyday sometimes headaches and sore eyes. I get wandering pains throughout my body from my neck to my wrist and I also get pins and needles way easier than I used to even just holding my phone or crossing my legs makes my limbs go dead.. I also have had very cold extremities with all of this and my feel and hands go mottled and blue. I've been back to ER and my GP and they have no more answers for me. And the worst Is the shortness of breath, I can feel it coming on slowly my chest gets tighter and tighter like someones squeezing my lungs and heart and sometimes it hits me like a wave and I get this horrible feeling of doom come over me and I nearly pull my hair out waiting for it to pass. Im nearly used to these waves by now but they are horrible and scary every single time and most times I get a palpitation with them.
I am a 21 year old female with no medical history prior to this, Ive had opinions saying it could be a burnout from overworking, some say it could be a virus, or vaccine related or POTS / GERD/ costochondtritis. But it feels systemic, like every part of my body is affected or my whole nervous system is out of whack. Im at a loss to know what to do anymore, Ive been basically housebound for nearly 4 months now ands trying to do a degree from home. Most days I'm too unwell to go anywhere and the days I feel well enough seem to set me back afterwards. If anyone has experienced anything similar please reach out x

Hi! Happy Valentines Day 🩷♥️🎀🌸💘💋 Valentine is my artist name, and Valentines Day/winter in general can be a loaded or stressful or slow time that prompts us to hustle more, which can be difficult. I’ve posted a guide like this a while back during a time I was thinking of quitting/retiring, I ended up taking a long break for a while and starting again, proving to myself that leaving and returning can be done.. and I’m in that headspace again where I’m not sure if I want to continue, so I want to help others who may be in a similar situation, and give people supportive tips that have worked for me.
While it’s slow season in SW in general (they say the holidays and winter months are slowest in the sex industry) and slow for me personally as I’ve been taken steps back to reflect, pause, and recover from burnout. I wanted to write a few things I wish I would have heard when I first started an OF. For those of you who may be discouraged, having a dishearteningly slow month, wanting to give up, suffering from OF-related depression etc. I’ve been there, I am there very often, and I want to tell you that you’re not alone 💖 This is a long post so bear with me.
Creating an Imgur gallery for a visual aid haha
https://imgur.com/gallery/RWI9NFv
There are many threads of practical advice here on how to formulaically succeed at OnlyFans — these pieces of advices will work for some people and flop for others. We’re all different visions of beauty and the way we run our accounts will greatly vary. Every top 1% and above creator will have their own methods of work. When I was starting, I encountered a lot of creators who hoarded advice and helpfulness, and was looked down on by certain peers until I reached the 1% point. Why? We are all different, our markets are different, but some advice will be universal. We are all deserving of respect no matter where are at in our journey. It’s a long game. This seems to different now where advice in these types of subreddits is plentiful and people are more open to give advice, which is awesome. I do think étiquette when it comes to receiving advice varies: some creators will advise/mentor for free and others charge for it, which is valid considering the amount of info available for free online already, and the time it takes out of working to provide that kind of personalized teaching service. My aim here is to contain my tips in one place, do away with gatekeeping, discuss the deeper psychological aspects about OF, and humanize the cybersexual world as a whole.
✨ Tips that are universal: ✨
💖 pin your OF link to your profile on Reddit — I see many people asking why they aren’t getting more traction on OF when they don’t have their link pinned to their profile page. it lets viewers know what you offer. an “About Me” or AMA or Q&A always helps too, so people can see what you’re all about beyond just sex ;)
💖 branch out into niche subreddits, big subreddits, ones that you personally fit. what’s your niche: curvy? petite? gamer? alt? femdom? find subreddits for your type and engage with them; don’t spam post the same pic over and over again because it looks tacky, and you could get banned. if reddit is not your thing, try tiktok. it’s not my thing personally but many girls find subscribers there
💖 reddit captions are weird to navigate and the bane of my existence. I swear if I see one more fuckin post like “if even five guys like this I will fuck myself” // “would you fuck my barely legal petite body🥺” I will scream lol! I know that the shitty click bait captions will always get attention and it’s inevitable, but try and get creative with captions relevant to your pic, your niche, and your viewer .. make promo as fun and easy for yourself as possible. I know advertising is a huge burden but the rewards of getting yourself out there effectively will reflect in your income, longevity, and subscribers
💖 try to see this from your potential subscriber’s perspective. would you subscribe to you? subscribers are human too, we want humanization to be a two way street. also remember that guys are fickle and can have very, very specific preferences — you can be the ripest peach in the orchard but there’s always someone who’s allergic to peaches or prefers radishes. it’s also important to note that most guys will sub for the first month and then leave, this is normal and nothing personal. it’s also why consistent promo is necessary, because even though there may be great sub retention, everyone unsubscribes eventually and there should ideally be an influx of new fans. make it worth their time with your great quality content and alluring marketing
💖 post on OF consistently and answer messages with diligence, but don’t burn yourself out. taking a rest will ensure you create better quality content and are in a better mood when you engage with your subs. the scheduler tool is your friend! especially when you need a break or know you’ll be away, you can schedule some posts ahead of time. I love the queue tool for when I know I’ll be away, or I have sick days, or even mental fatigue and inability to make new posts. I also have a trove of content dating back years, to repost old stuff if I can’t take new content
💖 overpricing? underpricing? this is super subjective and I always say to price things intuitively, whatever you’re comfortable with! there is no wrong answer to this. it can be tempting to do price skimming so more people can see your content, and likewise overpricing for a presumed higher value. all those societal constructs are total BS imo and while my highest sub count was in the lower prices, my highest incomes were at mid range prices. I do PPV very rarely like 1-2x a month and depending on the bundle of videos photos etc I’ll set it between $19-69. depending on the month, I’ll do PPV more often or not at all that month. my monthly sub price is $12 so middle of the road. custom videos start at $20/min and custom service prices vary. since I have a ton of content on my page already that’s instantly viewable, things like video calls or GFE will be priced higher. I do sales but usually in the -10% / -20% range (though for occasions like birthday, Xmas, Valentine’s Day I could do a $4-$5 sale) because I find that people who subscribe for cheap or free are the most entitled. prove me wrong about this please, but subs who get in using a free trial will not stick around
💖 post things about your life that are important and interesting to you! engage with the parts of reddit that interest you and you may get surprising subs from strange places. ok this is kind of tricky tho cause you may get hate for just existing and having an OF 🙃 …at the end of the day I see myself as a creative who happens to have an OF, rather than basing my entire personality and life around OF. I still get subscribers sometimes from my sfw art and music accounts. don’t let OF overtake your life because it can be soul sucking and draining. let it be as joyful and fun as an experience possible. obvs easier said than done, especially if like me you struggle with mental health problems, but it’s your queendom and it should be a lovely experience for your subs (AND YOU!) to enter it - authenticity is super important in a digital landscape where everything is artificial and advertisement-oriented. subs like to know they’re interacting with a real girl
💖 play games with your subs (raffle, contest, spin the wheel etc but make sure everyone who enters gets some sort of small prize, bc of the gambling TOS.) going live is also a great way to interact more personally and if you have a spin the wheel, that’s super fun for live shows. you can do a tip goal and once you hit that goal you can do something fun (get nude, use a toy, have some sort of finale) and that finale can be sent out as a PPV to those who didn’t make it to the live stream
💖 use your other life experiences to translate into your OF! I have a background in academia, art world, and film industry so this helps with creating visually aesthetic nudes, lengthy cinematic porn videos (lol sex tapes with plot 💀) and having deep pretentious conversations with those so inclined for a certain type of chat. if you have a quirky personality or niche interest, that can connect with subs in a more intimate and creative way
💖 creative shoot ideas: anything can be a backdrop or a prop! use your imagination and have fun with your surroundings. turn a regular daily task into a horny experience. sexuality is creativity. embody the horniness, enjoy the sexuality of life, and show your viewers what turns you on. you don’t need a big fancy house or a wardrobe of tons of lingerie and sex toys or an expert studio lighting kit. yeah those things help but us plebeian girl next doors can also be enticing. a lot of guys like a girl next door fantasy. use whatever you’ve got at your disposal as a photo or video adventure. I would totally teach a workshop (if people were interested) of how to do creative shoots and take artistic photos/videos cause that’s really my niche haha
💖 turn off your DMs on reddit and don’t interact with time wasters. if your gut is telling you that a dude is a scammer, listen. I’ve been scammed before (a rite of passage tbh) when I had those gut feelings and ignored them. sometimes if you get scammed by a subscriber all you can do is take the L and move on, it’s shitty but it happens to all of us at some point
💖 BG content makes the most $$$ and being a solo creator (like myself) is like being on hard mode. I would think that’s counterintuitive and that guys want to connect with a solo girl, but I can’t count the number of times I’ve had subs ask “do you have videos of you getting fucked” - hands down most popular request and partnered content has the most potential to be a moneymaker. solo is still lucrative, don’t get me wrong, but there is an immense amount of demand for real homemade porn cause so much of mainstream content isn’t he studios is so fake and scripted. faceless is also like extra hard mode, although faceless BG is lucrative. there are ways around this and there are many successful creators who have odds stacked against us who’ve pushed through
💖 take care of your health!! ok I sound like a grandma but it’s true, if you’re unhealthy you won’t be able to perform well. this goes for things like body image as well. I used to have an ED for years and if I hadn’t recovered I wouldn’t be able to be in this line of work as well — this is a very harsh line of work for people with body image conditions because our selling point is our appearance, and thin barely legal looking girls will dominate in this sadly creepily teen-obsessed culture. that said!! each and every body type will have a niche and a bunch of followers who love you — fat, thin, short, tall, hairy, bald, pregnant, mommy bod etc etc etc it can all be a fetish, the most important thing is truly loving yourself. be well, work hard, take time off if you need to, take care of our health, and believe in yourself
💖 make friends!! I can’t stress enough the importance of a support system in an isolating field of work. SW can get lonely especially if you’re a hermit like me lol .. I don’t have many friends who do this, and those who are, are far away from my city. building connects within the industry, having fellow OF girls in your community, and having people who truly understand what you go through is critical. I would say therapy helps as well. Pineapple Support is a SW friendly therapy, look them up online if you need to seek help
💖 hard work is important but luck also is a major factor of success — sometimes you just get lucky with a generous sub or a good month. I’ve also had posts “blow up” on reddit that had zero OF conversion, and others in niche ass subreddits that drew a lot of subs. luck is random as hell so do all kinds of things and see what sticks for you. I don’t believe OF success is necessarily as formulaic as we may think
💖 boundaries!! this is super important: if you’re not comfortable with doing a certain sexual act, please don’t sacrifice your personal comfort for money. you will have plenty of other opportunities to make money with something you do love to perform
💖 this may sound super fucking obvious, but make sure your OF content is exponentially better than your reddit/tiktok/social media previews. it is disappointing when “the best stuff” is on reddit and the OF contains about the same things. I rarely post gifs on here because I do a lot of videos on my OF, and I ensure the highest quality content I can. what I post to reddit is throwaways, random nudes that are still sexy, and occasionally a short gif preview. I consider reddit to be like my free OF for potential visitors, and a shitshow of a place where I scream into the void of the algorithm and post pet pics
✨ Lastly, have fun! This should be fun!✨
I’m kind of a Reddit has-been and don’t post as consistently anymore, sometimes going missing for weeks cause of burnout, but in my better times I was very good at engaging with people on here and basically running it as a blog of my daily life, with nudes to entice to my OF. I got as far as I did due to luck, niche appeal to those interested in transparency, and a psychopathic amount of overworking. 12-14hrs of screen time was normal for me. My personal success to the top 1% was not an overnight one, not exponential or meteoric like some creators have or expect to have, but a slow start. Expectations are gateways to disappointment. This whole online world is superfluous — have intentions for OF that aren’t strictly money oriented. Maybe because my starting goal was not money, and the fact that this is my full time job now still surprises me, but I was even happy when I had like 10-15 subs who wanted to pay to see my stuff. While I may not have thousands of subs, my retention rate is quite good and my OF allows me a better life than any vanilla job (excluding other sex work which imo is more lucrative but also more dangerous) has given me in the past. To this day my “ranking” is fluctuant (between 1-2% if that matters to you… I’ve been stuck at 1.8% for months and months, income level changing but overall I try to keep for stability nowadays as opposed to growth bc the grind of marketing takes a lot of mental energy out of me) and I try to not even bother fixating on percentages because I find that they are very inconsistent.
Your ranking could be “worse” during a month you made more money, or “better” when you made less — this aggregate is based on your earnings relative to those of other creators worldwide, which is another issue in and of itself. Comparison is a thief of joy, and a competitive mindset can lead to a lot of frustration.
I think it’s important for creators to not become upset/obsessed with setbacks or slow growth, because the nature of this industry is very cyclical, and the failures are as important as the successes. Being part of the capitalistic hustle/grind shitstorm is the worst. The obsession with outdoing ourselves every month can be incredibly toxic and harmful — it’s good to have ambition and goals, but obsessively chasing money and putting all self worth into the numerical value is horrible.
We live in a system that perpetuates greed, overworking, and hustling. Burnout because of this draining system is so fucking real. People seem to forget that as sex workers we’re also humans and not machines, and need to take care of our mental and physical health by resting. In a 9-5job there are weekends off; we don’t have that on OnlyFans. Most of us probably spend 12+ hours online doing our jobs. We’re privileged and fortunate to be able to do this online safe in our homes — I have done survival sex work in the IRL world and it is totally different territory. Don’t complain if you’re not a survival sex worker and privileged in other respects.
I’ve been doing OF for almost four years and camming/SW for longer, and every other month I think “this one might potentially be the month I quit.” The hustle does get exhausting and overwhelming. It’s been on my mind, the longevity of much longer I can do this. I deleted a ton of my nsfw posts from reddit recently cause of freeloaders/lack of interest in being on here, and I feel like I’m starting from scratch now but also coming to an end. At the end of 2024 I really want to reflect on what I came to do on OF — I cummed, I saw, I conquered — and work on artistic projects / things that benefit others in a more community oriented way. I would like to do more collaborations. More artistic work. More destigmatizing of sex work. This Cyberhorny thesis is a start, a sort of guideline for navigating the dark psychological corners of the digital transactional sex world.
I also want to one day create an art grant for artistic SWers and OF creators and if I do, I’ll post it. I wish there was more give-back to the community in a substantial way. I wish us all great success so we can do that and have some forms of mutual aid!
There is no one size fits all idea of success here. We’re all doing the best we can, and whatever you aim to accomplish with your OnlyFans, I hope you achieve it.
Thanks for reading this post if you did, I hope this helps someone and I’m here to support and answer any questions. Take care and have a lovely Valentine’s Day! 💖✨
PS. This is the full CYBERHORNY pdf if you want to read it and dive in 💜🪢✨

Please help! I recently moved into a house 7 months ago. I’ve had the cats together since fall of 2017. F was 5 and M was 9 mo. Both spayed. Fast forward to today, F is 11 and M is 7.
I’m not sure what got into them. Thought it was the Xmas tree at first (from prev owners that had a dog at some point). Was happening every other day, we spray him normally? Took down the tree right after the holiday. Seemed to help for a little, put all their stuff back in the spots before Xmas. He’s been stalking her, overly aggressive, and I can tell it’s not their play. She’s growling and hissing out of fear to the point she lets go of her bowels. It’s been exhausting. I moved a litter box to be more in direct line of sight for her from the door. That helped a lot on her end. Now it’s him going after her and we don’t know why. It has escalated to him pinning her down now or in a closet. I wouldn’t think he is trying to mate because he was neutered before puberty?
I have 2 happy cat pheromone diffusers, and have switched to pretty litter just in case of a medical issue. Diffusers seemed to help for some time, colors are normal so far in the litter. At this point I have no idea how to help, and my bf is torn because he doesn’t want to deal with it any longer. I couldn’t imagine giving him up.
We do have 2 neighborhood cats that come in our yard. I don’t think he’s ever seen one or we would’ve known by now

hi all
so i promised to try and make an update post after my hysteroscopy + coil fitting experience. if you'd like to read through that first post, check out my pinned posts
anyways, it's been about 2 months since i had my hysteroscopy done and the mirena coil fitted. in that time, i've definitely seen some changes (some good, some bad). i also turned 22! i'm not sure how common it is for folks my age to be having the experiences i do but that's just another good reason for me to make this post. let's get into it :)
post-hysteroscopy:
so i mentioned in my previous post that i was feeling mildly crampy after the procedure
that more or less stayed the same, with the cramps subsiding with each passing day. i did have verrrrrry minor spotting (little to none) but within a week i was basically back to normal! i just made sure to take it easy and avoid any 'activity' for about 7-8 days
i still haven't heard back about test results from the sample they took; i was told it could take 6-8 weeks, but i also live in the uk which has a very overstretched healthcare system - so no worries lol. i do have a telephone consultation booked for later this month, but i might chase it up in the meantime. i also still feel inclined to reach out to an endometriosis specialist but that's an ongoing task for me
post-coil fitting:
similar to my hysteroscopy recovery, things were going fine for a good week or so. little to no cramping, little to no spotting etc etc. it was just a bit mental to think that i now had this weird plastic thing inside me lol
anywho, i ended my celibacy trial-run about 8 or 9 days after my fitting. during this, i did feel pressure towards my rectum for some reason (i think it might be to do with the fact i've got a tilted uterus). unfortunately, i started to get some bad cramps about an hour after. these ramped up quite a bit, and consisted of a very sharp pain towards the lower left of my back. this same spot kept hurting, accompanied by spotting/bleeding (akin to the last day of a period for me). not good :(
this then started a ~3.5-week bleeding spree. for the first week, i had a good amount of spotting everyday (definitely enough to fill panty liners, maybe a pad here or there) with horrible cramping that was still concentrated in the lower back (but this begun to radiate across my abdomen and elsewhere like normal period cramps). i was feeling pretty miserable throughout this
the second week, i was basically on my period. the only difference to the 7-8 day heavy bleeding i usually get is that the clots were a lot less smaller. unfortunately though, the cramps got REALLY bad - i honestly probably should have seen a doctor. there's not many a time i've experienced a 10 on the pain scale but i was there/got close...
me being me, i figured i'd just do what i normally do - ibuprofen, hot water bottle and sleep through the pain. this was all happening around xmas/new year's so getting appointments was trickier too. i was attached to my hot water bottle for several days, and had to cancel a few plans. all i remember is that the pain was constant and overwhelming at points throughout the day, coming and going in mild to fucking painful waves. sex made things worse too. double not good :(
the last week was back to some mild spotting everyday. the cramps were a lot better, and had eventually subsided. this week was simply annoying more than anything
i didn't keep many notes for the weeks following this, so i'm guessing things were much better. i did have a pretty shit start to the year, so not sure if it was the coil affecting my mood or external factors (maybe both?)
i started my period again sometime last week and it's honestly been fine. hardly any clots and more of a medium bleed (note: medium to me). it got heavier towards the end (from around day 4?), which is the opposite of what i'm used to, but i think it's just a new pattern to adjust to. i'm on day 9 rn, i think i've finished my period but i still have a little bit of spotting
after-thoughts:
i think getting the coil was the right call. i've definitely seen a reduction in bleeding (when i'm on my period) and clotting. it also means i have more peace of mind when it comes to unprotected sex (i do have a feeling i'm just always going to struggle getting pregnant but better safe than sorry). i've also noticed my lower abdomen/pooch area has reduced, even though i've definitely gained weight (shit diet and lifestyle recently). i did have a thickened endometrial lining before all this so i'm assuming that's what's gone down
obviously, i'm still in the settling in phase. i don't enjoy the 'bleeding a little randomly' outside my period nor having cramps/bleeding after sex - however, that's all starting to get better too. i've not been shown how to check my coil is sitting okay so i need to contact my doctor about that, as well as about my hysteroscopy results
i've noticed i've been feeling very lethargic recently, my hair feels a bit thinner and my knees hurt for some inexplicable reason. however, my life at the moment is just a bit of a shitshow so i think it's down to a mix of factors. still, i thought i'd put that here just in case
anyways, i hope this recount helps to whoever needs it. as always, any Qs just lmk! hope to update again sometime soon :)

Hello, First time on this subreddit so unsure if there's a pinned post or sticky that addresses this. But my question is how do I know if I need to quit/cut it down?
"Alcoholism" runs in my family, both my father and his father drank often but not in great quantities; 2-3 beers on a typical weeknight, 5-7 hard liquor drinks on Friday and Saturday night. I'm starting to follow the same pattern and would like to know from more experienced people if I'm starting down a dark path.
I am 30 and I have a fantastic life, I have no complaints at all and I wake up every morning happy. I have an amazing wife who loves and respects me and I do her, and we have a baby together for almost a year now. We love each other very much, I think we have the perfect happy family. I am young and in good physical shape. There is not a single complaint I have, so my drinking is not an escape like I know often mentioned is one of the red flags. Since I started working from home 3 days a week during Covid, Ive started drinking about 3-4 beers per weeknight and then 3-5 vodka shots per weekend night. I drink because it's fun for me, it amplifies my (usually good) emotions and makes me enjoy music or a movie or even cooking even more. I never ever get violent or aggressive, neither sober nor drunk. Im able to keep up with work, my responsibilities and all of my household chores, in fact when I'm doing chores I like to have a beer with me whether it's breaking down boxes or taking down the Xmas lights or cooking dinner. I will say I'm aware that I do have an addictive personality, whether it's alcohol or weed or gambling I have a very very small difficulty stopping (as in, I know I'd never let it get out of control, but it does maybe go 1or 2 little beers/tokes/poker hand more than I originally thought I'd drink/play).
Do you think the amount I drink could be cause for health concerns? Other than health, I'm struggling to find a reason to stop, and don't know if I need to nor should. I don't think it's affecting my life nor the life of people around me at all, if anything my wife complains once in a while that when I drink too much I get tired and sluggish, and "pass out" around 11pm (which for me seems like a reasonable time to go to bed on a weeknight anyway, drinking or not).
Obviously I know this behavior isn't normal since the vast majority of people aren't drinking every day. And yet it seems like I can carry on this way indefinitely and there's no repercussions to home life. I don't even feel a need to type up this post other than being extra cautious and proactive, it's not like I had a huge argument with the wife and am now looking for validation to keep drinking. So I just wanted to hear from some of you that even if it sounds OK now, what are some red flags and signs to look out for to know when I'm sort of at a cusp of going down a darker path and this going out of control.
Thank you.