What I'm looking for -
Anything goes really. We can spend quality time online or we can meet in real in a few weeks if you are closer to haryana or punjab or chandigarh or delhi . (I also visit mumbai sometimes )
(If you are from outside India, that's also fine since I don't care which part of the world I live in if I can be with someone I love.)
Then we can go for long walks, go on a date/outing. While I love physical affection like cuddles, hugs, kisses , I love a nice company too and will respect your boundaries if you don't want to be touched in the first meeting.
Ideally, I'm looking for a meaningful medium term relationship but which has a potential to turn into something everlasting in future. But I'm open to casual setups too in case you feel you aren't ready for serious commitment.
I don't understand people who go through traditional route of arrange marriages. How can they bypass this dating phase and jump into the nuptials directly. Also, if you don't test out the compatibility beforehand, you could very well end up in a deadbedroom situation, which is big cause of divorce.
Personality type :
Physically, I'm tall ( 6'0" ), cute, neither the most handsome nor ugly, average built and medium wheatish complexion.
I am a semi-introvert. - I don't have social anxiety or anything but I am avoidant of certain people, yet find it easy to talk to strangers. Although I can't approach women in real life. I'm pretty blunt by nature. I can speak well in stage and on public , get into conversations with Co-passengers in trains, buses etc. Yet, I feel intimidated/uncomfortable talking to my relatives, immediate neighbors, school friends. I'm fluent in English and Hindi.
I'm more the thinking type than feeling. But I do feel bad for hurting someone. I fall In love fast but do not get attached too fast.
I'm super blunt and straightforward. Sometimes chill, sometimes intense. I have great anger control, a friendly amicable temperament.
I prefer voice chat because although time is not an issue for me, we can express emotions clearly and I can explain myself more elaborately than text where I have to cut down. But texting is good too and has its own advantages. Or alternatively, if you are not comfortable speaking, you can just listen. I can sing you a song on call.
Hobbies and passions :
I love watching crime, thrillers and inspirational movies. I love reading books especially non fiction books and web articles, forums, blogs.
I like puzzle games / board games. . I don't play much video games anymore. But I can play to give you company. MOBA, FPS, anything .
I used to play all kinds of sports in my college days but now it's just football & badminton

hi!! throwaway account because i'm (19F) still not out to my very conservative family and i'm paranoid that they'll find me. anyway, for context, there's this really cute girl (19F) in my university course and i've been admiring her from afar for a WHILE, i've just always been so shy to talk to her because i don't have any experience with talking to girls in a romantic way (i only realised i was a lesbian a couple years ago when i was 16 and had a lot of internalised homophobia to work on).
2 weeks ago, i gathered the courage to send her a follow request on instagram and she accepted it, as well as followed me back! i was so happy. a couple days after that, we were sitting in class and she started talking to me. i tried acting as normal as possible but my heart was quite literally about to fall out of my chest. at first, she started talking about our coursework, and then, the conversation shifted to our sexuality. i told her i'm a lesbian and she said: "oh, me too!". we then started talking about women we find attractive, and turns out our types are completely opposite. i'm more into mascs, she's into femmes, and she doesn't really find the femmes i like attractive. it was a really nice conversation and i loved laughing with her.
a week after that, we were sitting in the same class and she came up to me asking about a presentation we had to do. i was still starstruck from the first time she talked to me and my mouth literally FROZE and all i could do was nod. still, she smiled at me and changed the conversation, asking me if i watch bridgerton (i do not) and telling me i should check it out.
3 days ago, i was sitting with my best friend and i told him everything that happened. he said i should have flirted back at her because she was obviously showing interest. i don't think that's the case. i think she was just being nice. this girl is genuinely so beautiful, she's way out of my league and i don't think she could ever be interested in me like that. but i still enjoy talking to her, she has a wonderful personality and i would be more than okay with just being friends with her. my best friend told me i should make a move to see how it goes and after an hour of freaking out i sent her a message. a simple "hey, what's up?". she replied almost immediately and we talked for a while until the conversation inevitably died out. i have class with her again today and i'm so nervous i'm considering skipping my lecture.
my question is, how should i go about this? i don't want to come off as creepy by just talking to her out of the blue. was she actually flirting with me or was she just being friendly? i'm going crazy over here.

This is a long-winded post, but please bear with me. Okay jumping in…..so, I have this friend. She's 28, totally gorgeous, kinda became successful at a very young age, transplanted to the U.S. from another country when she was 19 to start working more seriously, etc.
She had a serious boyfriend for 3½ years. It seemed like they were soulmates to the rest of us in their friendship circles. After a few months we were all pretty close-knit, since their two friend groups spilled into each other. We did everything together, all the time. Dinners at each other's' houses, going to bars/restaurants, concerts, road trips, etc. Pretty quickly into that relationship my friend basically adopted her boyfriend's passions of photography and hiking into being her own. Let me also say.. this dude was a blue-collar working guy in the same field as her, 7 years older than she, and she was far more “successful” than he was. Didn't matter, they were genuinely in love. Posting each other's photos on Instagram all the time, constantly bringing each other up in conversations, etc.
Things were going well, until 2 years ago. After my friend and her boyfriend went away on separate jobs for a month….. she came back to town in love with her new “coworker”. Totally left-field, and all of us who were mutual friends of the two were shocked by this. No one had any inkling of a problem between them. All we got when we asked what happened was a “well things change, but, we're still staying friends”. Obviously, to those of us who are their friends, something seemed shady about what went down and we couldn't put our finger on what it could be. Sure, people fall out of love, or things run their course, but this was far too random and the timing was so odd. Neither one is religious, neither cares about marriage, non-abusive, they're both liberal, etc. So there was literally no signs of any troubles on that front.
The guy my friend has been with for the past two years since is a great person. Very funny dude, and a sweetheart. Would give someone the shirt off of his back. He's also more successful than she is in her same field, and is only 4 years older. We friends all like him well enough, but the friendship group dynamics have shifted considerably, obviously. Within months of the shocking breakup two years ago, she immediately co-opted this new guy's friend circle as her own, and some of us were kinda left out in the cold for a little while. Gradually she started to include us into the new guy's group, and we all get along well…. But, there's also a weird tension now that wasn't there before. We all feel it.
When a handful of us friends from her group run into mutual friends of her ex, we always wonder amongst ourselves what happened with their relationship…. The ex, still an awesome dude in his own right, hasn't really gotten over the breakup. He says he's doing fine and all that, but we can tell he isn't the same. Granted it has been two years, but his photos of my friend are still on his instagram, along with all of his romantic comments to her from years ago. He throws himself into his job, travels, but when he is home, he just stays inside or goes on long hikes with one other person. My friend still follows him and she likes his posts sometimes, but from what I'm told from his own best friends is that when they've talked since the break-up it's very superficial…. Surface-level conversations with no real substance.
For a year after the breakup, my friend kept talking nostalgically about her past - like it was so distant. Age 19, with a great job, running around L.A. with new friends, etc. She would bring up that back then she felt like an “adult” and was sure of who she was….but since then, she's realized she has no clue who she is and wants to find herself. This kind of talking set off alarm bells with a few of us in her circle, and we sort of felt like maybe there is more to our friend than we realize. She really dove into the relationship with the guy she is with now, and I think it's fair to say the ex was discarded. At least that's the vibe a couple of us have post-breakup.
She doesn't post anything with the guy she's with now. Or, she does… but she doesn't tag him in the photos (and they're long shots from far away). She rarely posts him, and vice versa. The last time I think they posted each other was on their Instagram story on Valentine's Day months ago. Yet, oddly, since she's started dating him she's come out of her “shell” more and is behaving in a much more ambitious outgoing way than she was with the ex. Again, it is like she is adopting her boyfriend’s traits into her own.
I guess the discussion I'd like to have is… is my friend a usemanipulator with a mental illness? Is she capable of being “happy”, or is she bad news? Sure, millions of people have broken up for a multitude of reasons. Maybe she genuinely just wasn't into the ex anymore… but people don't just fall out of love at random and discard someone they say is their soulmate for another man within a month’s time. I'm talking all-in on the relationship with this newer guy, yet she doesn't post it publicly like the previous one, and she keeps us at arm’s length sometimes from him and his friends. One of our mutual buddies, who is more outspoken and is about to end their friendship with her, thinks she's just “recharging her batteries” and will end up discarding this guy as well in a year or two. We're thinking about talking to her about all of this soon.
She's always seemed like such a great friend and an empath. But, given her behavior over the past two years, some of us are wondering if we should continue being friends with her. Breaking up with someone you're “soulmates” with and getting someone new within a month and going 100% all-in… to me just screams emotional immaturity and that she probably has unrealistic expectations of what she wants in someone. Like she traded the ex dude for someone who had a piece of what she thinks she's looking for. Or do you redditors think she likely got bored, and longed for the early honeymoon period of sunshine and rainbows again with someone else (which is selfish/narcissistic)
Please be nice in your responses. Thanks. :)

Bear with me as I describe what amounts to an almost religious experience after finishing the game for the first time. SPOILERS and nigh-rambling. But I just have to share. I hope you'll stay a while a listen. :)
I tried playing Cyberpunk a couple months ago. Corpo Male, strong roleplaying. When the Johnny Silverhand stuff started, I got really frustrated and quit. I didn't like how the game saw fit to ramrod me into this extremely narrow story when I thought the experience was going to be more open than that. I wanted to play a character who tried to rise to the top of Night City's corporate world through double-dealing and backstabbery...and now all the sudden my character is dying and has this voice in his head.
I was not going to be able to tell the story I wanted to tell.
It was that ludonarrative dissonance thing, like in the Witcher 3, I always struggled to justify doing too many side missions, given that Geralt (as I was playing him) was very concerned about finding Ciri, so there just didn't seem to be time to get embroiled in all these other adventures.
But then I saw this randomly come across my YouTube feed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0gR_C0Pd1k&ab_channel=JekavacTV
Dude. I don't care how linear your story is...that's incredible. And dark.
I've been on hard times lately. While I was never serious about unaliving myself, it was a thought that bounced around in my head here and there at my lowest moments...and this clip just...it hit me. I always believed that self-deletion was deeply wrong, if only because of the harm it did to others who loved you. Whatever was on the table, that solution could never be entertained seriously. I just couldn't do it to my loved ones.
But I've also been struggling with who I am, who I'm supposed to be, what my purpose is. LOL big club I know.
But that video convinced me to give 2077 another try. If an ending could be that hardcore and meaningful...there must be something worthwhile in this game. So I rolled a Nomad Male, and began my love affair with this game. I didn't try to concoct a character so much as just try to play V as myself. I really related to his leaving the Bakkers, and going it alone. Also I moved around a lot as a kid, and my Dad was a hippie biker in his heyday, and a mechanic. So it felt true to form.
And then when you meet Jackie...I mean c'mon, who's more loveable than Jackie?
I really started to get into the game then. And it finally started to dawn on me what the game's story is trying to communicate.
I figured 2077 would devolve into a lot of cynicism, and exploit the violence and sex for cheap thrills. Or maybe it would lean on shock value and become doomeblackpill fodder. But CDPR ain't no slouches. Night City is an exaggerated snapshot of where we are now. And V's predicament is one many of us are facing: we want to make our mark on the world, but is it worth it to step on everyone along the way? Even if we're trying not to die? Or worse, just be erased. Many of us struggle with a voice in our head telling us we're fuckups. We're pussies. We're slaves. We're not worth the trouble.
At first I took Silverhand for an antagonist, essentially. A nasty SOB I had to keep at bay, given that my V was a mostly good guy who just wanted a family again. Especially after Jackie died...man his wake, and helping Misty sort through his things? That got to me.
And of course there's that lingering fear that, no matter how much Silverhand may begin to charm you or appear like he's on your side - he's going to take over. V is actually warned that eventually, Silverhand will just make a play to do just that.
So I was careful with him, but I wanted to know more, because he was such an intriguing character, and its easily one of Reeves' best performances. Period. So I invested in his conversations and eventually his sidequests. I also did what I could to help others in Night City who helped me. I was dying, so...it felt like a good time to be generous. Even if sometimes I had to off a bunch of gangoons with a shotgun. XD
Then as the story developed, I began to see that Silverhand wasn't quite the legend everyone thought. He was a man who had sorely, sorely screwed his life up - as well as the lives of many others. He even seemed to regret it.
I even told Silverhand I'd take a bullet for him, after receiving his dog tags. I never expected that kind of a scene between those two.
It became clear that Silverhand was a ghost, stuck between life and death, looking for absolution, trying to do something right for once. And V could help. So I did. We found Alt Cunningham. We took Rogue on a date. We got Samurai together for one last gig. We tried to track Adam Smasher down. I was putting trust in Johnny, and it was clear that he wasn't really wanting to kill V after all. But he had no choice.
I also met Panam, fell in love, and became a de-facto Aldecaldo. Was never sure about Saul, but Mitch and the others were just salt of the earth man. Great little storyline.
I helped Judy, all the way until she finally left Night City, and was glad of it. I do wish she was romanceable by dudes, but...she was still just too precious, I couldn't turn a blind eye to her problems, or her kindness. Her little story with the underwater town was so moving and unique...I just wanted to give that girl a hug man. What a sweetheart.
Then it all came to a head. V is on his last leg. That fateful scene where you make your big choice. Silverhand pushing me to just take the orange pill and let him do his thing, since he's almost in control anyway. Or I could testify against Yorinobu, and put my trust in Arasaka. OR, I could call on my new family in Panam and the Aldecaldos, but put them at risk.
This entire game I felt like every choice was vital. I felt like one slip up and I could mess up my chances of living, or even worse, do wrong by the people I cared about, just like Jackie. But I stuck to my guns, helped who I could...
Which is why I chose to lean on the Aldecaldos for help. Yes, I was putting them at risk. But even though I was beginning to trust Johnny, this wasn't his fight anymore. Much as Johnny might have a shot, I couldn't just give up now. And I certainly wasn't going to trust anyone at Arasaka.
The raid on Arasaka HQ with the clan was rough. Felt like all my choices had led here, and I worried that CDPR was going to punish me for my past choices, given that Night City takes no prisoners and few get out alive. I also knew that Adam Smasher was bound to appear. And having seen Edgerunners...I knew that wasn't going to be pretty. I saw how Johnny's story ended, for example.
There were rumblings about Saul and Panam still being at odds, and I figured the game was priming me for a betrayal or a horrific upset somehow. But I forged ahead anyway, because I was with my family. I didn't want power. I didn't even want to be a legend. I just wanted to live.
I watched Adam Smasher kill Saul horrifically, heard Panam scream in horror...and I zeroed that MFer. XD
Protip: even on Hard Diff, if you have the right perks and implants, you can be virtually unkillable. Only died once. Not sure if that's impressive, but it felt impressive. XD
My V wasn't sophisticated, but he was tough as nails and determined. I wasn't about to let everyone's sacrifice be in vain. Not Saul's. Not Jackie's. Not Goro's. Not Johnny's.
I informed Smasher of Johnny's resurrection just before blowing his brains out with Johnny's own signature gun. Even though Johnny was subdued by the bluepill, it felt like my last gift to him...even as I was moments from death.
Then the moment of truth...Mikoshi. I asked Panam for parting advice. She said "Just be yourself." Normally I'd roll my eyes at that advice but, something about it felt prophetic.
The final choice. Alt had used Soulkiller on me, in order to save me, but now it seemed I wasn't going to get my happy ending. I could go with her beyond the Blackwall, and finally let Johnny have my body - or I could return, but only have about six months, since the Relic had just caused too much damage.
It wasn't that hard of a choice. Leave everything and everyone I had grown to love behind for some bizarre virtual afterlife? Or let Johnny finally rest, and let V return to the world, Panam and the Aldecaldos? I chose life. As Johnny laid me down in the 'well', gently, he said "Goodbye V." And it felt like two friends parting ways. It felt like he'd made a change, and I helped him get there.
And boy was I rewarded. Even though I didn't have long, I had a chance to start again, and maybe even find another way to live. I had Panam, I had the Caldos, and I could finally leave Night City in the dust. "I have everything I need", V said.
This game absolutely SLAPS with hard choices. Over and over and over, you're reminded about how unfair the world is. But if you keep your head on, and ignore the power plays, stay true to your friends, and don't take no shit - you can get out alive. And not just you. The ones you love can too.
Of course, many of you already know all of this. So why did I bother posting?
All my life I've felt like maybe I've been too nice, or too careful, or too unwilling to take life by the balls. But one thing I've always been good at is helping people in need when I can, and always being available to my friends. But for some reason I always looked down on myself for it. I never felt like I was worth anything. I never felt like I was making a difference in the world. There were so many hard choices, and I felt like I never made the right ones. And that I'd just die one day, and be forgotten. Never having made my mark. Just like so many in Night City...
Some days I'd think "Maybe it'd just be better if I was never born." Because I was such a fuckup. A loser. A nobody.
But the person who helps people, who's there for others even when its inconvenient? That's the kind of person who can make a REAL difference. Fuck money. Fuck politics. Fuck fame. None of its worth a damn if you aren't doing right by others.
And that really came through in the end credits. I'm not ashamed to say I was in tears as all these people from my playthrough reminded me how much I meant to them. How much they cared, and that I mattered. All these people had happy endings because of me. I never let them down, not even when the grim reaper himself was breathing down my neck.
It was like all my IRL friends and family were speaking to me in those moments. And finally, FINALLY, I could see myself as they saw me: a man who cared and was trying to be there for them. A man that made a difference in their lives.
Yeah I didn't save the world, per se. But, really, that's how we save the world for real, lame as it may sound. The sheer contrast between the ending I had earned by just trying to do right by all the people in V's life, and that horrific ending I posted earlier was...stark. If you give up, then everyone suffers, not just you.
This game saw me, and reminded me who I was. It rewarded me for it, and I'll never forget it. For all its flaws, all its quirks and failings, I adored this game and all the effort that went into it. It's clear CDPR were trying to say something with this work of art, and boy was the message received on my end.
I can safely say I'm less likely to despair now because of it. I feel more alive because of it. I feel more prepared for the real world because of it. And I wanted to share my experience, if only to remind one person that:
We can all make a difference. Live for others, not yourself. It pays off. Even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. It's the only legacy worth leaving in this fallen world.

We both tattoo and met 9 months ago at the tattoo shop I worked at, she was an apprentice and we just clicked and started talking. In the beginning looking back I think we both love bombed eachother but at the time I didn’t see it that way I just saw it as love at first sight and I was so into her and her I. But I recall her telling me I told her I love you sooner than normal, I want to prefise this as to say I may also have some undiagnosed issues. I have an identical twin who has bipolar I dnt know the specifics but he could be very irrational and angry most of the time. But I’ve never been that way. I’m typically passive and try my best to avoid conflict, a people pleaser. But back to the story we fell in love and in the beginning our age gap was an issue for her but over time that became a non issue. I became part of her family and she became part of mine. But at least once a month she would break up with me for various reasons one main reason being she was confused about her sexuality, we are both bi, she would always come back saying she loved me and I’m just confused and we would have the most amazing sex and special moments. When we met she had a male friend that she told me was only a friend but after 4 months randomly confessed he wasn’t just a friend, he was an ex she met though a dating app. Which really shocked me because they talked everyday which isn’t a problem and I wouldn’t typically care but the fact she chose to lie for so long made me uncomfortable. Which she insisted on continuing to talk to after I expressed that it made me uncomfortable. She also had a mutual friend lie to me so they could spend time together without my knowledge saying that she did this because she thought I would be mad considering she’s bi and our mutual friend is lesbian. And again I was shocked that she did this. I found this out by looking in her phone which I’m not proud of but if I didn’t this information would have never been known. after this she treated me with so much love for a small period of time and I always wondered if it was only an attempt to make up for the things she’d did as it soon stopped and we went back to the ways things were. Her withholding affection silent treatments and lack of communication. But she wanted to regain my trust and so I chose to forgive her and build back the trust. Fast forward to now she would txt me I love u every morning and we had plans for the future and all the things in a relationship and suddenly and randomly again she messaged saying I can’t do this I’m confused and I no longer have feelings for you. Obviously I was confused and deeply hurt, I regrettably begged her to work on this with me because she has done this in the past and hasn’t been taking her medication throughout our relationship and since I’ve met her I’ve learned so much about her condition. She has quiet bpd and disorganized attachment. And I’m anxiously attached so in my mind I thought could this be a repeat of her past behaviors and with time this may pass. She agreed but said she only would do it to make me happy and that because her family loved me it made sense but deep down I knew and she vocalized that she didn’t want to and that she was putting on a mask to satisfy me. Which hurts because I want her to be happy but I also wanted her to want to fix this like I did. The plan was to take things slow so I invited her over for dinner and movies and told her I would refrain from serious talk but the problem is with her I was never able to talk about my feelings. Anything serious or relationship related and she would shut down and it stifled any communication. we had a few drinks and regrettably I brought up my frustrations and how it wasn’t just the two of it was us and her bpd. Like usual she shut down and I tried to be present while she explained her feelings. The mistake I made was that while she was crying I was smirking this is what she said and that wasn’t my intention to make her feel crazy but she said my facial expressions made her feel that way .so she left and has blocked me on everything. I kind of vommitted all my backed up feelings on her because I repressed it for so long and I feel bad, I didn’t want to hurt her but I never felt safe telling her how I felt out of fear of her reaction but since it may very well be the end I wanted to at least tell my truth. I loved her so much and regret my inability to hold to what I said and not bring up serous talk if u will but I also feel like it’s not fair to me that I can’t express my self to my partner. Through our relationship she said some of the meanest things anyone has ever to me that anyone. I guess this is kind of a rant and idk what opinions you may have because I don’t think she will ever speak to me again but the saddest part is I truly loved her and her family and would have done anything for her and I tried every day to be there for her and learn about her condition so that I could be the best partner possible . I’m scared about my future and the pain I will face in the coming months, I built my life around her. But I think deep down I knew this wouldn’t work I just so badly wanted it to. I love u Andrea always and forever. I’ll never know how much of our relationship was steered by her bpd but I know that she has an amazingly loving and kind person and just has her own set of problems. I want to say that I know I have issues to and in no way want to be negative towards her or undermined my issue I just can only write so much in this post. I’ve never felt a pain like this and I’ve had other serious relationships. Sry for the rant I just need to vent my feelings and I just miss her already and I dnt see a point in anything anymore but I’m to weak to unalive myself.

My (19M) friend (19M) texted me 3 months ago to tell me that he could no longer speak to me because he is in a committed relationship and he was starting to develop a crush on me. In order to prioritise his boyfriend, whom he loves very much, he had to cut contact with me, for a non-specific amount of time. In his words, it is “dangerous” for us to speak.
This all starts when we were 16- 3 years ago. Something important to know: this did not start platonically. We were two 16 year old boys who had similar interests and who could sustain one another intellectually, and thence began a romantic long-distance summer fling. He is a classical musician and actually composed me some pieces. After a while, it died out because of the distance. We remained friends after the fact, but I most certainly did not forget him. He told me at 16 that I was one of those people you’re told your whole life that you’ll meet. Those words have stuck with me.
For the next two years that followed, contact remained spotty. Any conversation we had revolved around music (mostly), philosophy, life, anything. Usually long conversations, but very infrequent.
Then August 2023 rolls around. I’m 18 and I’m about to begin uni on the other side of the country. In a new city….. in his city. Yes, I moved to his city. Not on purpose. I post my arrival on my Instagram story, and he replies that we must get coffee together sometime soon. Basically, I was head over heels. I had a crush on this guy. He’s a local, so he ended up picking a pizza restaurant. I arrive first and I’m waiting in front of the restaurant, facing the window. All of a sudden, I see his reflection in the window; a guy wearing a violin case like a backpack. I turn around and he crosses the street to come give me a hug. This was our first meeting in person.
We spoke a while in the restaurant. Spoiler: He has had a boyfriend since March at this point (I HAD NO CLUE). At one point in our pizza-filled conversation, he mentions his boyfriend. However, in our language, the word he used can mean either boyfriend or friend. I really didn’t think he was in a relationship, so my delusional ass interpreted it in the platonic sense. After the restaurant, we walked to his music school, where we found a room. I sat on a chair and he took out his violin. He asked me to name any composer and he would play a piece from said composer. I neglected to mention that he is extremely talented. One in a million. If it isn’t obvious, I thought this was a date. It was not a date; not for him at least.
After said encounter, I felt quite disappointed that I didn’t get any romantic vibes from him (duh, it was not a date. He literally mentioned his boyfriend lol). I complained to my old roommate for days about this. My roommate, on some intoxicated bender, texts this guy and tells him that he needs to let me know if he has feelings for me or not. I was furious. My roommate guiltily confessed this to me the following morning. He told my roommate that he is not single and that he is not at all interested in me. He does say, however, that “we would have been the perfect match”; something that he probably shouldn’t have said but it is not something that I will contest. What my roommate did was a gross violation of my boundaries, of course I’m upset. However, in a way, it almost needed to happen. A few days later, I reply to his story about some other restaurant, and he says that his bf/friend (the word is ambiguous in our language) recommended it to him. I ask him if he has a boyfriend and he clears it up then and there. It was after this interaction that my crush dissipated. Knowing that he wasn’t interested in me really helped with me moving onto other guys.
Over the following months, we speak every now and then. When we spoke, the conversations would not end. The kind of conversations where you know that you have to go to bed, so you wished the other person goodnight, yet there you are talking about fucking Ligeti 50 minutes later. Anyways, while I was supposed to working on a philosophy assignment, I told him that I USED to have a crush on him, but I was firm on the fact that I no longer did. I told him the “date” story as a funny anecdote. He had no clue that I ever liked him like that at any point. The conversation got a little awkward, but he told me that he really loves his boyfriend, but that he “does not forget”. He tells me that we would have been a perfect match. Funny.
A little while after, he invites me to one of his concerts at the museum. There, I meet his mother and grandparents. Also, his boyfriend. The concert was great, and the three of us chat for a while afterwards. Unfortunately, he has to leave, but he suggests that I tour the museum with his boyfriend, so his boyfriend and I tour the museum together. Interesting experience. Something important to know: I don’t have the best impression of his boyfriend. Their relationship is (was???) an open relationship and it felt like this guy really had to convince him to join his polyamory, based on what he told me in their conversations. Also, they were apparently on a break at one point earlier in the year because my friend’s mental/physical health was really bad, so to me it seems as though his boyfriend abandoned him in his time of need because the relationship “got hard”, so I already don’t have the best impression of him based on what my friend has told me. Anyways, I honestly thought that his bf was flirting with me??? (I guess he is allowed to because it’s an open relationship, but still…).
Fast forward the following month: we were supposed to see a concert together but something bad happened so he couldn’t attend. I end up buying him a CD which I had signed because this is a very famous pianist who just happened to visit our city. For like 3 months, we didn’t see each other, but I reminded him regularly that I had a specially-signed CD to give him. He has classes next to my apartment sometimes, but we can’t seem to get our schedules to fit…. until the end of February.
He has this class thing where you can invite people to watch you play and get critiqued, which he invited me to! After watching him play, I greet him outside the room and one of his colleagues. Let’s call her F. We all chat a little and I give him his disk. Literally such a mundane interaction.
BUT THEN THREE DAYS LATER, he texts me that he is very sorry, but that we have to cut contact. He has been dishonest toward himself and toward his boyfriend, because he has a crush on me. He doesn’t WANT to have a crush on me. And look, I get it. His relationship is important and he is putting the guy he loves first. You can’t control how you feel about people, but you CAN control what you do about it. So I get it. Wouldn’t I do the same? I told him to promise me that he wouldn’t forget about me completely. I screamed “what the actual fuck” multiple times because I didn’t know how to process this. This is definitely not an event I expected to have in 2024… The only links we have in common are now: we have each other’s phone numbers, we are Facebook friends, and I am friends with F on Facebook because she also happens to be in my programme at uni. But we have not spoken. Not a single word between us since February 24th. I respect his decision, so I will not speak to him.
This guy occupied my mind rent-free. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Frustrating because when he told me that he wasn’t interested back in August, that was enough to help me move on. And all of a sudden, my mind can’t let go of the fact that this guy has a crush on me. This guy, whom my type is kind of based on honestly. Middle of March rolls by, and I meet F (his colleague) again at an event hosted by our programme. We all got drunk, especially me 🤦🏻‍♂️. And of course, being drunk, you have a tendency to bring down your inhibitions. We’re on the bus and she asks me how I know the friend. I tell her it’s a long story, but that I can’t speak to him anymore. I say that “he’s soooo dramatic”. She asks me to explain further, but I tell her that I can’t.
The next day, I felt like an idiot!!! Wow. I almost told her what happened. I don’t need that spreading around his school. I saw a uni therapist at the beginning of April, which didn’t really help much. Every time I took the bus, I would check to see if he too was on the bus. Never was.
BUT THEN, I met someone new. We’ll call him T. T has been successful in getting my mind off of the friend. It’s quite recent, but we’re seeing each other and it’s moving along smoothly. Beginning of May, I barely think about the friend anymore. I have a new guy in my thoughts and I’m very happy about it. So T and I go to see a concert together. Guess who just had to be doing a pre-concert in the waiting hall. The violinist friend. T and I are walking up the stairs and all of a sudden the violinist and I made eye-contact and I basically just had a hot flash. I had not seen this guy since February… And I seriously had to make eye-contact with him while I’m on a date with T???
I feel like my progress is ruined. Ever since I saw him at the concert hall, he is on my mind again. I keep checking his Facebook. I can’t listen to my favourite music without thinking about him. But I refuse to give up the music that feeds my soul just because he likes the same stuff. I feel awful toward T, because I have another guy in my thoughts.
All I know is that this person is special. I have known this for years and he is not someone I could accept never having in my life again. He has never forsaken me. I have a deep desire to share my life with him and to be apart of his, and I am perfectly okay with it being platonic. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life without it being a soap opera.
TL;DR: An old friend that I had a crush on, but no longer had a crush on once I found out that he was in a relationship and was not interested in me, ended up having a crush on me and has had to cut contact with me in order to not be dishonest toward his boyfriend. I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s driving me mad.

I'm going to keep this as short as possible, but my mother-in-law re-gifted me a gift I gave to her in September (the last time I saw her - we live far away from each other). Before I start, keep in mind that we never had any major issues but that I think she doesn't like me very much, she used to, but then realised we have very different values and I felt her starting to treat me differently.
When she arrived, she first gave us a whole bunch of clothes and a few puzzles for our 18 month old. The clothes were mostly too small and out of season - not very thoughtful. She also got her a few stuffed animals from the airport shop. Seemed like a last second gift but was alright. Also got my husband clothes from the airport shop which were way too small for him, meaning she doesn't even know her own sons size. She looked at me angrily when I nicely pointed out his wide shoulders and need for a bigger size. None of the gifts were wrapped and all still had price tags on them, which didn't really bother me even though it's not what I would do as I love to give fewer gifts but wrap them... Anyway, I didn't think much of anything at this stage, just her usual behaviour.
All okay - until she gave me my gifts. One rose lotion and one rose candle, both the same brand, handmade. And next to it, I saw it: My very own gift. It's a natural, organic balm (doesn't smell much like anything) that I bought specifically for her in a handmade store. I gave the same to my mum who loved it which is why I bought it for my mother-in-law. The balm was handmade in a very, very small store by a woman where we live, even says "Made in X" on it and she knows noone else who lives here, never comes here as it is far away from her, so it was the exact same gift I gave her the last time we saw her. I was in shock, so hurt, couldn't say a word. Funny enough she gave me those things with pretty much the same sentence I gave her her gift last September: "A woman makes them". What?! I was just so confused.
And I was so shocked, I couldn't say anything. I tried to forget about it the following days but couldn't. When she left, I finally told my husband. I couldn't say anything earlier because I was so shocked. His reaction was somewhat strange too, but not commenting on that here. Then I started telling people, two friends and my siblings, and finally, two days ago, I called her out in the chat with her and my husband. I told her I felt hurt and it felt like a slap in her face and that it really upset me.
She immediately replied with a voice message which I haven't listened to. I am currently struggling with my mental health and haven't had the energy to listen to her voice and deal with her lies. I am just starting to hate this woman so much.
Also, it's not like she has no money; she just inherited lots of money and went on big shopping tours to buy herself things while she was here.
She always called her (now dead) husband a narcissist and told everyone how bad he was but I am slowly starting to think it is her? I really don't know. Something is off.
Just sharing as I feel super bad and need to get it off my chest.
If anyone has anything to share or ever experienced anything similar please comment. Thanks x

I think I know the answer to this, but I need a general consensus. So I (f,20) am close with my political science professor (m, 60s). I’ve had him for two semesters now, and I love his class. He is my favorite person on campus easily. He got me an internship last semester, has written me an amazing letter of recommendation, and he and his wife are coming over for dinner with my parents in two weeks. I see him in a grandfather role, and I assumed he felt the same. However, today things made me question that. I sent him a tik tok making fun of political science professors. He then followed me on tik tok. That alone isn’t weird. But then he went and followed me. And then liked every single video. And commented on a whole bunch. He then texted me and asked my moms name. When I told him, he then sent me my own address and asked if it was my house. I have no idea how he found the address, or why he was looking. I haven’t had very good luck when it comes to professors, so it’s possible that I’m overthinking this. But I really don’t know if I should be concerned. Any help or reassurance or red flag alerts would be appreciated.

My (19M) friend (19M) texted me 3 months ago to tell me that he could no longer speak to me because he is in a committed relationship and he was starting to develop a crush on me. In order to prioritise his boyfriend, whom he loves very much, he had to cut contact with me, for a non-specific amount of time. In his words, it is “dangerous” for us to speak.
This all starts when we were 16- 3 years ago. Something important to know: this did not start platonically. We were two 16 year old boys who had similar interests and who could sustain one another intellectually, and thence began a romantic long-distance summer fling. He is a classical musician and actually composed me some pieces. After a while, it died out because of the distance. We remained friends after the fact, but I most certainly did not forget him. He told me at 16 that I was one of those people you’re told your whole life that you’ll meet. Those words have stuck with me.
For the next two years that followed, contact remained spotty. Any conversation we had revolved around music (mostly), philosophy, life, anything. Usually long conversations, but very infrequent.
Then August 2023 rolls around. I’m 18 and I’m about to begin uni on the other side of the country. In a new city….. in his city. Yes, I moved to his city. Not on purpose. I post my arrival on my Instagram story, and he replies that we must get coffee together sometime soon. Basically, I was head over heels. I had a crush on this guy. He’s a local, so he ended up picking a pizza restaurant. I arrive first and I’m waiting in front of the restaurant, facing the window. All of a sudden, I see his reflection in the window; a guy wearing a violin case like a backpack. I turn around and he crosses the street to come give me a hug. This was our first meeting in person.
We spoke a while in the restaurant. Spoiler: He has had a boyfriend since March at this point (I HAD NO CLUE). At one point in our pizza-filled conversation, he mentions his boyfriend. However, in our language, the word he used can mean either boyfriend or friend. I really didn’t think he was in a relationship, so my delusional ass interpreted it in the platonic sense. After the restaurant, we walked to his music school, where we found a room. I sat on a chair and he took out his violin. He asked me to name any composer and he would play a piece from said composer. I neglected to mention that he is extremely talented. One in a million. If it isn’t obvious, I thought this was a date. It was not a date; not for him at least.
After said encounter, I felt quite disappointed that I didn’t get any romantic vibes from him (duh, it was not a date. He literally mentioned his boyfriend lol). I complained to my old roommate for days about this. My roommate, on some intoxicated bender, texts this guy and tells him that he needs to let me know if he has feelings for me or not. I was furious. My roommate guiltily confessed this to me the following morning. He told my roommate that he is not single and that he is not at all interested in me. He does say, however, that “we would have been the perfect match”; something that he probably shouldn’t have said but it is not something that I will contest. What my roommate did was a gross violation of my boundaries, of course I’m upset. However, in a way, it almost needed to happen. A few days later, I reply to his story about some other restaurant, and he says that his bf/friend (the word is ambiguous in our language) recommended it to him. I ask him if he has a boyfriend and he clears it up then and there. It was after this interaction that my crush dissipated. Knowing that he wasn’t interested in me really helped with me moving onto other guys.
Over the following months, we speak every now and then. When we spoke, the conversations would not end. The kind of conversations where you know that you have to go to bed, so you wished the other person goodnight, yet there you are talking about fucking Ligeti 50 minutes later. Anyways, while I was supposed to working on a philosophy assignment, I told him that I USED to have a crush on him, but I was firm on the fact that I no longer did. I told him the “date” story as a funny anecdote. He had no clue that I ever liked him like that at any point. The conversation got a little awkward, but he told me that he really loves his boyfriend, but that he “does not forget”. He tells me that we would have been a perfect match. Funny.
A little while after, he invites me to one of his concerts at the museum. There, I meet his mother and grandparents. Also, his boyfriend. The concert was great, and the three of us chat for a while afterwards. Unfortunately, he has to leave, but he suggests that I tour the museum with his boyfriend, so his boyfriend and I tour the museum together. Interesting experience. Something important to know: I don’t have the best impression of his boyfriend. Their relationship is (was???) an open relationship and it felt like this guy really had to convince him to join his polyamory, based on what he told me in their conversations. Also, they were apparently on a break at one point earlier in the year because my friend’s mental/physical health was really bad, so to me it seems as though his boyfriend abandoned him in his time of need because the relationship “got hard”, so I already don’t have the best impression of him based on what my friend has told me. Anyways, I honestly thought that his bf was flirting with me??? (I guess he is allowed to because it’s an open relationship, but still…).
Fast forward the following month: we were supposed to see a concert together but something bad happened so he couldn’t attend. I end up buying him a CD which I had signed because this is a very famous pianist who just happened to visit our city. For like 3 months, we didn’t see each other, but I reminded him regularly that I had a specially-signed CD to give him. He has classes next to my apartment sometimes, but we can’t seem to get our schedules to fit…. until the end of February.
He has this class thing where you can invite people to watch you play and get critiqued, which he invited me to! After watching him play, I greet him outside the room and one of his colleagues. Let’s call her F. We all chat a little and I give him his disk. Literally such a mundane interaction.
BUT THEN THREE DAYS LATER, he texts me that he is very sorry, but that we have to cut contact. He has been dishonest toward himself and toward his boyfriend, because he has a crush on me. He doesn’t WANT to have a crush on me. And look, I get it. His relationship is important and he is putting the guy he loves first. You can’t control how you feel about people, but you CAN control what you do about it. So I get it. Wouldn’t I do the same? I told him to promise me that he wouldn’t forget about me completely. I screamed “what the actual fuck” multiple times because I didn’t know how to process this. This is definitely not an event I expected to have in 2024… The only links we have in common are now: we have each other’s phone numbers, we are Facebook friends, and I am friends with F on Facebook because she also happens to be in my programme at uni. But we have not spoken. Not a single word between us since February 24th. I respect his decision, so I will not speak to him.
This guy occupied my mind rent-free. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Frustrating because when he told me that he wasn’t interested back in August, that was enough to help me move on. And all of a sudden, my mind can’t let go of the fact that this guy has a crush on me. This guy, whom my type is kind of based on honestly. Middle of March rolls by, and I meet F (his colleague) again at an event hosted by our programme. We all got drunk, especially me 🤦🏻‍♂️. And of course, being drunk, you have a tendency to bring down your inhibitions. We’re on the bus and she asks me how I know the friend. I tell her it’s a long story, but that I can’t speak to him anymore. I say that “he’s soooo dramatic”. She asks me to explain further, but I tell her that I can’t.
The next day, I felt like an idiot!!! Wow. I almost told her what happened. I don’t need that spreading around his school. I saw a uni therapist at the beginning of April, which didn’t really help much. Every time I took the bus, I would check to see if he too was on the bus. Never was.
BUT THEN, I met someone new. We’ll call him T. T has been successful in getting my mind off of the friend. It’s quite recent, but we’re seeing each other and it’s moving along smoothly. Beginning of May, I barely think about the friend anymore. I have a new guy in my thoughts and I’m very happy about it. So T and I go to see a concert together. Guess who just had to be doing a pre-concert in the waiting hall. The violinist friend. T and I are walking up the stairs and all of a sudden the violinist and I made eye-contact and I basically just had a hot flash. I had not seen this guy since February… And I seriously had to make eye-contact with him while I’m on a date with T???
I feel like my progress is ruined. Ever since I saw him at the concert hall, he is on my mind again. I keep checking his Facebook. I can’t listen to my favourite music without thinking about him. But I refuse to give up the music that feeds my soul just because he likes the same stuff. I feel awful toward T, because I have another guy in my thoughts.
All I know is that this person is special. I have known this for years and he is not someone I could accept never having in my life again. He has never forsaken me. I have a deep desire to share my life with him and to be apart of his, and I am perfectly okay with it being platonic. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life without it being a soap opera.

So I created a single-header message-passing library.
http://github.com/gamblevore/picomsg
I use it myself, and it works well for my needs.
The reason I created it, is because I couldn't find any that were small. For example there is MPI, but it is huge and complex. For certain people (me) this is a problem.
For example, you might want to create a small program that does a lot of things. If you need to include only a few large components, like a compression lib, a message-passing lib, maybe a XML/JSON parser, and each one takes 1MB, now you have a 3MB program, but your code might only take 50KB. It just seems wrong.
To many people this isn't an issue, but to some of us, its either something we do for fun, or an obsession. Not sure which. But there can be practical needs too, such as creating many small programs that run on low-end hardware.
If you are making a programming language and want to include PicoMsg as it's default message-passer, that is another good use-case. You don't want your language to get bloated by dependancies.
PicoMsg has C interface, but the internals are all C++. I had to write my own "ring buffer" memory system, as I was getting some kinda memory-corruption bugs I couldn't solve as it was buried under C++ vector classes somewhere. Once I managed memory myself, I was able to find the problem and solve it. In fact the C++ Vector classes would have been just fine. They are useful, but the abstraction can make diagnosing issues more difficult.
Anyhow... I hope someone likes it or finds it useful. I have this licence https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/ as I feel unknown or unappreciated and it would be nice if... people with a positive attitude knew about me.
The source code's internals is a little wierd as I kind of went mad while writing it. Which is a common thing as writing message-passing code can drive anyone mad. For example I renamed my "locks" to "trousers" (because it is something only one person can wear at at ime, haha). I also inserted spiders into my comments.
I probably had too much fun making this thing. Or perhaps I needed to make it fun to counter how awful it was (at times) to debug the concurrency issues.
It is about 1000 lines of code, and probably under 500 lines of significant code. (excluding headers, the C-API wrapper, empty-lines, comments, etc). Would be nice to find users who appreciate it.
I'm happy for contributions... if anyone wants to add features. I'd be interested in a speed comparison... I could improve it's speed if it doesnt compare well. But my tests seem to show it running fast. Im not an expert in this area actually so Im sure people can do better.
The main limitation (At the moment) is that this runs only locally. It doesn't know how to connect across a network (just yet). It already uses socketpair() to create sockets to communicate locally, and send()/recv() so extending PicoMsg to work across a network won't be too hard to do. But I won't add this until either I need it myself, or if I had a lot of users... (or I got paid?). But I'm happy to accept this feature added by any contributors.
Thats all bye!

Pregnancy announcement to new employer
Hi all. So I am 25 weeks pregnant ( I’ve had two miscarriages so I’ve always been weary about telling people soon) and got let go of my last job ( long unrelated story) so I have been in search of a new job. I finally got a new job and went through my first interview, I did not mention I was pregnant. This job is remote after this first month of training. Because I am in need of the money and the job is remote I am looking to take about 15 days off work and then go back to working from home. The process was supposed to be one interview with one of the owners and then an interview with the direct supervisor before being hired. I was planning to let my direct supervisor know in my second interview my plan. However the owner loved me so much he decided to fast track the onboarding. Today he emailed me the offer letter and the documents for background check and drug test. Which I signed all three and completed my drug test. I go in tomorrow to finish signing some paperwork and then pending background check and drug test I will be hired. ( 10 days PTO front loaded in first day of employment which is absolutely PERFECT for my plans.) I still have not met with my direct supervisor. I don’t believe I will until after employment. I am not worried about that part as it is a perfect job in the perfect field.
Question is… do I tell him tomorrow that I’m pregnant and my plan for leave? Or should I wait until I’m hired and speak to my direct supervisor about it when I meet them? Or wait until I am past my second trimester and they see my skills and that I’m worth it and then let them know?
I hate keeping secrets. But I need/want this job and don’t want to mess anything up. Even though I know it’s not legal for them to deny me because of pregnancy.

I (25F) am in a difficult relationship situation I've been put in due to my boyfriend (M26). In 2021 or 2022, I cannot remember exactly, my boyfriend told me his brother asked him to take out a credit in his name, so his brother's wife doesn't find out. I cannot remember what it was for, but as my boyfriend filled out the papers, he put my name and number as the second point of contact. Sometime later, possibly months, I got calls that he has not made payments for that credit. I confronted him about it and he mentioned he will get it sorted out. After some time I asked once again, and he said it's all done and paid off. I believed him. Months after I continued to get the same calls from the credit company, asking him if it's really done and over, and he again repeated he will get it fixed.
I've been getting these calls from the credit company periodically in the last 1-2 years. The tipping point was about 2 weeks ago when I got another call. I was informed by the teller that my boyfriend is behind on payments and unless he makes those payments, they were going to terminate his contract.
Now, I have to admit I am not very well versed when it comes to credit. We don't live in the US and credit is not as big of a deal. I've personally had only one credit in my life and it was a year long contract for a device. I made my payments, was never late, and it's been over half a year since I've paid it off. This is my only expeirence with credit.
I did some reading that when it comes to credit, when the contract is terminated, it automatically goes to loan sharks, the idea of which is frightening me to my core. Not to mention being sued and paying the court fees. Frankly, neither I nor him have that kind of money to spare.
Yet again I confronted my boyfriend, and told him I would not stand up for this. After all MY name and MY phone number is on there as well. The same day I got the call, he told me he went to one of the credit company's offices and sorted things out. By his account, it is their mistake, they've not put it in their system that everything is paid off (according to him it finally was done and over), and that he specifically made sure they remove my name and number.
Since I am here writing this, what he said is not the whole truth. For the past week I've been getting calls I was unable to answer due to work, but today I did and surprise, surprise, the contract has been terminated. I explained the situation to the teller, but yet again I was dissmissed.
In past calls I've tried asking how much the owed ammount was, how much were the payments. I was told it's none of my business. And every time I try and ask my boyfriend, he gets annoyned, raises his voice at me, and I just drop it when it gets ugly.
When this happened today I texted him that either he tells me the whole truth, or I am out. I love him very much, but the mental toll this takes upon me is too much. I am ready to go through with leaving, knowing how much this would hurt, but I would much rather leave, than stay with a person who cannot just say the truth. I am certain about my choice, due to the fact he has lied about small insignificant things in the past, the same way a child would lie to their mother about a mess they've made - the child knows it would get in trouble at some point, but prefers to lie so they're safe in that moment.
Any and all advice on how to proceed with the conversation tonight would be appreciated. Anything to guide me to what would be logically best to do.
Thank you in advance!

Hi all. So I am 25 weeks pregnant ( I’ve had two miscarriages so I’ve always been weary about telling people soon) and got let go of my last job ( long unrelated story) so I have been in search of a new job. I finally got a new job and went through my first interview, I did not mention I was pregnant. This job is remote after this first month of training. Because I am in need of the money and the job is remote I am looking to take about 15 days off work and then go back to working from home. The process was supposed to be one interview with one of the owners and then an interview with the direct supervisor before being hired. I was planning to let my direct supervisor know in my second interview my plan. However the owner loved me so much he decided to fast track the onboarding. Today he emailed me the offer letter and the documents for background check and drug test. Which I signed all three and completed my drug test. I go in tomorrow to finish signing some paperwork and then pending background check and drug test I will be hired. ( 10 days PTO front loaded in first day of employment which is absolutely PERFECT for my plans.) I still have not met with my direct supervisor. I don’t believe I will until after employment. I am not worried about that part as it is a perfect job in the perfect field.
Question is… do I tell him tomorrow that I’m pregnant and my plan for leave? Or should I wait until I’m hired and speak to my direct supervisor about it when I meet them? Or wait until I am past my second trimester and they see my skills and that I’m worth it and then let them know?
I hate keeping secrets. But I need/want this job and don’t want to mess anything up. Even though I know it’s not legal for them to deny me because of pregnancy.

Ever since before my boyfriend had proposed to me, I’ve always told everyone that I don’t want a wedding. It just seemed like an expensive hassle when my only goal was to marry the love of my life. Since then my fiance has shared that it’s his dream to have a big wedding so I learned to love the idea and plan it with him. But less than one month into being engaged, his mom starts asking me about my bridal shower. It caught me off guard as I’m trying to plan a wedding for 280 people, why would I even think about a bridal shower? My mom is mentally and physically disabled and my maid of honor is out of state so I figured I would just skip the whole thing since I had no one to plan it. Then one day I meet my fiance at his mom’s house after he’s had a few beers and he goes “just ask her mom, she won’t care!” So she asks me if she can plan my bridal shower for me. She goes onto say how she knows that no one can do it for me and that I deserve one so she’d love to do it. I told her yes and i genuinely appreciated the offer.
Now this is where it gets weird. The first issue is the prizes. I tell her that there’s this great store nearby that sells gift baskets for cheap and she goes “oh that store stresses me out” so I tell her that it’s no big deal, I go there all the time anyway and I buy a bunch of prizes. She buys a single pickle ball set. I ask her if she wants me to drop the prizes off at her house and she tells me to just leave them at mine until she’s ready for them. And again, I tell her that fine.
Then she chooses the hall and caterer. She asks if I don’t mind, she really wants it close to her mom (my fiancés grandma). It’s a little bit further of a drive for my family, but I agree. It annoyed me a little bit that she thought my finances grandma came before mine for my shower though. Then she asks if her mom can cater because she’d really love it and again I say that’s totally ok if she wants to do it, it’s just going to be a lot of women to cook for
Next my fiance calls me and tells me that he has to run to the store because chicken is on sale and his mom asked him to buy it for the shower. He pays for it all and puts it in our deep freezer.
A little bit later, she’s trying to get in touch with my bridesmaids to make sure the date of the shower works out for everyone. Then they start talking about planning the shower and one of my bridesmaids suggests a cocktail for the shower. My MIL then informs her that the hall she booked doesn’t allow alcohol so it’s a DRY shower. She never talked to me about this at all so I started to get super irritated. At this point we have paid for everything except a single pickleball set and the low fee of renting the hall. Yet I’m sacrificing mimosas at my shower so she can look good for her mom.
She hasn’t come up to me with any ideas for this shower other than the games. If I try to send an idea to her, she just asks me to get a quote. I was even gifted a box of wedding decor and it had a tiered cupcake holder so I sent her a picture and said we can use this and she goes “oh you want cupcakes?” I tell her I love German chocolate and we need a dessert anyway but she can’t figure out how to plan this out so she goes “How many cupcakes does it hold? How many cupcakes do you think we’ll need?” And then sends me a picture of a cupcake that fits with the theme she chose and it isn’t even German chocolate. Again, I am in the middle of planning a wedding I did not want for almost 300 people. It really irked me that she asked to plan this thing but can’t even figure out how to bring cupcakes to a party without me doing it.
Now the shower is three months away and the only thing done is my FULL garage because she still hasn’t taken any of the decor or prizes and it’s already full with decor for my wedding. Gift baskets aren’t made, invites aren’t sent out, a menu hasn’t been discussed, and the only idea discussed on her end is the games and the theme.
I don’t want to be ungrateful and I’m sure other girls would love to plan their bridal shower. But all of this is stuff that I simply don’t want. Yet, we have paid and planned almost all of it. I am DREADING this shower. It feels like it’s more about my MIL being able to tell everyone she planned it instead of actually doing it and none of it is even what I like.
The wedding is killing me. I literally quit my job because it’s becoming so much (we had talked about me quitting after we were married and my fiance can support me financially until I find something else ) you better believe my MIL took me quitting and ran with it. Because last I heard, she was telling my fiance that “it’ll never work out” and implied that I’m a gold digger. And telling the whole family about me.
I’m such a mess about it all and I feel like I’m going crazy. There’s so much more, and I can answer any questions in the comments. Does anyone have any ideas or thoughts?

Hello! I am back with a request for recs! And of course I will add mine too.
I was wondering if anyone had any high angst books with arranged or forced marriage (or marriage of convenience) or arranged/force bond in case it is an omegaverse-type book or a biokink type of book. By high angst I am mainly looking for stories where there is some kind of distrust between the characters (for different reasons, any is fine!) that is overcome through the story!
Things that I absolutely (sadly) cannot read: mafia, incest.
Things that I would prefer not to read but it is okay if they are not very prominent: age gap, daddy kink.
Here are the ones I have read! And if there are no new recs for me I am just happy to share the list I have (this is my favorite trope!). I thought to divide them between arranged and forced, but I think the ones where both characters fully consented were very little (for angst reason!), so I will write in the description the status of consent too. Instead, I divided them in non-omegaverse/bond and omegaverse.
Arranged or forced marriage/bond (no omegaverse)

• {Winter's Orbit by Everina Maxwell} Sci-fi futuristic, probably my favorite arranged marriage novel. MC1 is the cousin of the prince, and after the prince's death he is quickly asked to marry the prince's windower. MC2 is cold and very devoted to his duty, while MC1 is more casual even if quite kind and well meaning. Some very high tension deriving from the fact that MC2's previous husband was controlling and abusive and MC2 prepares himself for the same treatment from MC1. A lot of focus on the political plot too.
• {Ocean's echo by Everina Maxwell} Sci-fi futuristic, forced bonding (no marriage). MC1 is a "reader" (of minds and space) and after angering the authorities one time too many he is sent to be bonded to MC2, a lieutenant on a ship. The relationship starts rocky and antagonistic, and the book focuses heavily on the plot. Also the bonding is actually fake, they just pretend to be bonded.
• {The High King's Golden Tongue by Megan Derr} Fantasy, arranged marriage. MC1 has been raised to be the perfect prince and study diplomacy, languages and etiquette. He joins MC2 (the king) at court to marry him but MC2 immediately refuses. MC2 has been previously married and his husband has died, he also would prefer to marry a soldier given his kingdom is at war. Still, aftet a bit MC2 does try to be kinder.
• {Vampire with Benefits by E. J. Russell} Contemporary, very low angst, more of a comedic adorable book. MC1 is a vampire who has to accept the match given to him by the Supernatural selection institute or he will be killed, MC2 is a werebeaver who is looking for a match after his old lover left him. Instant dislike but also quite a lot of attraction and yeah this was just hilariously sweet. Technically they are not arranged to marry (they are not each other's match) but given they marry because of the whole arranged deal I decided to add it here.
• {Wed to the Barbarians by Keira Andrews} Medieval-like world. MC1 is a prince who enjoys reading smut novels and saving birds. MC2 is the son of the chief of a northern kingdom just now opening its borders. MC1 finds out of the marriage a day before it and is not too happy about it, also MC2 treats him quite harshly as he despises the fact that MC1 looks so weak. In reality MC2 agrees to marry MC1 because of a political plot which really amps up the angst. The book has a bit of initial angst regarding the marriage, with the bulk of it then happening after MC2 falls for MC1. Also a lot of insta lust moments from MC1.
• {A strange and stubborn endurance by Meadows Foz} Fantasy, MC1 and MC2 marry for an alliance between nations. MC1 comes from a homophobic society and he knew nothing of the marriage until he has to leave to join MC2, while MC2 agreed to marry. The story is mainly revolving around an assassination attempt plot, and has minimal tension and angst between the characters. There is a bit of tension at the beginning because MC1 was sexually assaulted by his previous lover and afraid that the same would happen to him with MC2, but I think the tension only lasts for the first 30% of the book or less. Generally the relationship is quite low angst after the start, and sweet.
• {The replacement husband by Eliot Grayson} Historical (regency I think?) with magic, where some men are blessed by the Goddess, which means that they can marry other men and in return the goddess will bless their husbands. This is more of a marriage of necessity/convenience. MC1 is seduced by MC2's brother, and when MC2's brother leave him after ruining his reputation, MC2 decides to step in and marry MC1. I admit I did not finish it, it felt very sweet and low angst.
• {The reluctant husband by Eliot Grayson} Same universe as the one above. This one is one of my favorite and a beautiful angst-feast! The protagonist is the brother who ruined the reputation of the previous book's protagonist. MC1 is known to be a rake, he seduces and moves on, until he also falls in disgrace when the woman he married asks for a divorce. MC2 is an old school rival/enemy who finds out that MC1 is touched by the goddess and has been hiding it this whole time. MC2 asks MC1 to marry him so he can get the blessing and hopefully save his own sick cousin. Very high animosity, MC2 truly despises MC1, and mistreat him quite a lot.
• {Tournament of Losers by Megan Derr} One of my favorite novels ever. Fantasy (low magic), set in a kingdom where a tournament (of losers) is sometimes instated to decide which people among the commoners will marry some of the nobles of different ranks. MC1 is a dock worker and sometimes sex worker scrambling for money and he decides to partecipate, mainly because all partecipants receive a stipend. One of his clients is MC2 who is actually one of the nobles MC1 could end up marrying if he wins. So this is arranged in the sense that a tournament arranges it, but both the MC love each other's by the time that happens.
• {Quest of Fools by Megan Derr} Same universe as the book above, much lower angst and I admit I could never finish it because the focus was often away from the main characters. MC1 is a commoner with a big family (lots of children) who wins the hand of MC2, a nobleman, at the tournament of losers.
• {Force by Kiki Burelli} Contemporary with magic and werewolves. MC1 is a werewolf who has to marry a witch (MC2) as an old agreement to keep the peace. MC2 has been raised to be the perfect husband and is determined to be so, which ends up in MC1 finding out about the extent of abuse and training MC2 went through. MC1 does not want to marry at all, while MC2 marries thinking that is his only role. It is actually pretty sweet, it starts with some animosity and accidental carelessness from MC1's side but turns quite sweet.
• {Thrust by Kiki Burelli} Same universe as the book above. MC1 (of a close pack to MC of previous book) has been used by his father for a lot of failed matches, mainly as a way to get some gain from other packs and clans. MC2 is a witch who has been in an abusive marriage and is now forced by his family to marry MC1. I could not finish this one, sorry, but this is an enemies to lovers, with a lot of distrust from MC2 in particular.
• {The Infidelity clause by Lisa Oliver} Medieval like world. MC1 is a prince who agrees to marry another prince, MC2, because he knows MC2 is a known libertine. For this reason MC1 added to the contract an infidelity clause and he hopes he will soon see the marriage broken because of it (which will allow his kingdom many benefits). MC2 considers himself only attracted to women and had no idea he is to marry MC1 until the two meets. Extremely low angst regarding the relationship, in the sense that the book almost has insta-attraction and insta-love (literally within two days), I could barely keep up. I admit I could not finish it.
• {Lost and Bound by Eliot Grayson} Contemporary, werewolves. More of a bond of necessity/convenience. MC1 is a werewolf who has been locked up in an experimental facility. When the scientists are done with him they leave him in the cell of MC2, an aggressive werewolf who has been turned into something close to a half-vampire (he does drink blood). The scientists know MC2 will end up killing MC1, but instead MC1 manages to convince MC2 to bond with him. I loved this book, very high angst, so much tension, just wow.

Arranged of forced marriage/bond (omegaverse)

• {Unnatural by Alessandra Hazard} Sci-fi futuristic, omegaverse alpha/alpha, arranged marriage (bond is not an option at least at the start). MC1 is an alpha and a prince and he has to marry MC2 (senator of a nearby country) to keep the peace of the planet. MC1 has always preferred alpha or beta lovers so he chooses MC2, who is only pretending to be a beta (he is an alpha). The marriage is arranged, and there is an immediate distaste and dislike. Unfortunately the book ended up in a strange and weird place. It is revealed that MC1 was always an omega and has been genetically modified by his father in an attempt to make him an alpha. He still stays an alpha at the end of the book, but I felt like it went against the whole premise.
• {Omega required by Dessa Lux} Contemporary omegaverse werewolves alpha/omega, arranged marriage that is arranged between the two characters themselves. MC1 is a medical student who wants to work with humans, but because he is an alpha he can only do so if he has a pack or a mate. MC2 is an omega resting in a facility after his previous pack and mate abused him. They decide to marry for convenience, and it is a very very sweet, low angst book (as much as I could read). Insta-trust as well.
• {Honeythorn by Marina Vivancos} Historical (regency) omegaverse alpha/omega. MC1 is an omega who is sent into another country to marry MC2 (an alpha) who is known to be a bit of a recluse. They both are part of the nobility. The building of trust was pretty quick, so I did not manage to finish it, but I think if you are looking for a relatively low angst sweet story this might be it. Arranged marriage and both are pretty okay with it. Also if I am not wrong, in this omegaverse the omega needs constant care/attention from the alpha or they will feel sick.
• {Cherryvine by Marina Vivancos} Same world as the one before. MC1 is an omega whose husband died (and whose husband was absent, negligent and abusive) and he moves to marry MC2 who is an alpha and very patient in gaining MC1's trust.

So, I got made redundant a week ago; it was unexpected to say the least. I have enough savings to last me until August running on bare minimum, but trying to get employed ASAP. It seems everyone within this industry is having a bad time right now. I've been looking for jobs, but as I was working fully remote and the industry I was working in does not flourish around here. That's fine. Over the last few weeks, I've accepted that working fully remote is now a pipedream. But god damn, is getting a job hard.
Before I got made redundant, I got 2 interviews, before I heard word I was being made redundant I had another 2 and in the intervening week i've had 4. But now things have just dried up. So far all rejections have been "You were perfect, but we went with someone with slightly more experience"
But now, I'm even being dismissed by recruiters, and their reasons have come down to the following:

• "We can't match what you were being paid" That's fine, just pay me. I have a small bracket based on my experience, but willing to take a cut, and said I wouldn't be able to be paid as much as I was as my job was in London, but I need to pay the bills. But stop offering me jobs under £24k for a job most others are offering £26k (the lowest I can take so I can pay the bills). My experience, and bills, can't take that low. We've discussed this every time, but they don't seem to write it down....
• "You wouldn't be happy fully in office, so we didn't put you forward" I said I don't mind that, I need the money. I commuted previously in previous roles, but thanks for listening
• "This isn't a tech role, you would be bored so we didn't put you forward" For the love of.....I'm applying because my skills are transferable, and I want to work. Previously, you said it was a great idea. Come on!
• "The skills are extremely desirable & transferable, but we can only offer you LOW BALL AMOUNT FOR MINIMUM WAGE" Man, this is happening way too often. You apply for a job for the right amount and the offer is not what was written in the advert/discussed with the recruiter.
• "This job is in TOWN YOU LIVE IN, you worked in London, so we didn't put you forward" COME ON. In my CV, and in our conversations, we said I worked remotely. Thanks for paying attention.
• "Your job at COMPANY I WORKED FOR was amazing, not sure why you would give it up". Thanks for that salt, I explained why.

The three interviews I had this week were from lovely recruiters who helped out, the rest have been so harsh and dejected because of the above. When has job searching become so hard?
Is the best thing to do strip my CV and make it as simple as possible/removing all tech talk so recruiters will pass me for non-tech jobs so I can pay my bills?

Hi folks of UKJobs!
I recently started my first position as a graduate in a local government role. My manager has made it clear she is pleased with my progress, confidence, colleague relationships, presentation, etc. and has raised no issues so far - apart from some concern around my sick leave.
TLDR: Can I get dismissed based purely on having 5 days sick leave (3 absences) during 6 month probation?
I started at the end of January this year, so have been there almost 4 months now. My probation period is 6 months.
In total, I have taken 5 days sick leave over this time. 3 days were due to me having extreme food poisoning - to the point where I was ambulanced off and had to stay in A&E overnight. I had multiple injections, an IV & morphine, etc. The nurse on the ward made it clear that I should not return to work until I had fully stopped having vomiting/diarrhoea, so I followed this guidance. I also got a note to say I had been at A&E and have all this listed on my nhs record.
Other than this, I had one day off due to an acute migraine & one day off this week due to having a UTI & needing antibiotics. I was getting a lot of side effects with them & had been very out of it and sick one day in particular. The other days this week, I have wfh just fine.
In my back to work meeting, my manager seemed quite concerned about my leave. She mentioned ‘no longer being able to turn a blind eye’ to it and made it seem like it might be held against me at my 6 month probation meeting. I explained that the food poisoning had never happened that way before in my life, so was likely bad luck and that while UTIs have been common for me in the past, I’ve not had one for a year until now. I also explained numerous steps I’m taking to improve my overall health and prevent these issues happening again.
Even though I can’t find it anywhere in our policy documents or extranet, I was told at the start of employment that if I took more than 4 separate absences or 6 days off ill during probation, my manager would need to write some form of formal letter to HR. From the start, she seemed worried about what implication this could have in my 6 month review - but it feels like neither of us know exactly.
At this point, I am now really stressed I’m going to be dismissed purely over sick leave. Yet this doesn’t seem fair given my performance has been satisfactory - I’ve not missed any meetings or pushed work onto anyone. Also 3/5 days were that hospital visit. I’d be interested to know what you all think?

This is going to make me sound pathetic but I need to get this off my chest in a rant. I have never been this frustrated with a game. I am twelve hours into Dark Souls and I only JUST beat that knight in the Undead Parish. I spent a good three hours trying to get from under the dragon bridge to the gate lever. Then I realized by a stroke of luck that I could just fucking wait for the dragon to jump down and run under him to that bonfire. I am not exaggerating when I say I have died HUNDREDS of times. Almost every time, I die somewhere I’ve already been, making zero progress. I know they say that if you die again it means you haven’t learned, but here’s the thing- I HAVE learned. Once I iron out my mistakes and find a good way to accomplish something I still end up dying repeatedly. Sometimes it’s because my sword keeps clanging off the wall. Sometimes it’s because the camera lock just disappears and I end up using a heavy attack on the floor. One time an enemy jumped backwards to its death and the momentum of my swing carried me over the edge. Don’t get me started on the poison rats. And I have all of this frustration and exhaustion despite having seen not even 10% of the game. It feels awful. It isn’t even remotely fun. When I finally got to the parish knight he still took me three tries, and killing him brought me no enjoyment. I just sighed and shut my pc off.
I’ve been a dark souls fan for years now without having actually played the first game. I know all the lore by heart and have been obsessed with the concept but didn’t have the time to play. Since I got into FromSoft games I have played Elden Ring twice and gotten all endings in Sekiro, which is my favorite game of all time. I waited to play the DS trilogy and having completed what most consider to be From’s hardest games, I assumed DS would feel like a nice challenge. Instead I feel utterly dejected. I feel like this rite of passage, this work of art that is a legitimately transformative experience for people, just isn’t for me. And I have a really hard time accepting that. But beyond not being fun, this experience has just made me feel awful. It’s been demoralizing. Beating this game was something that was really important to me, and I think I’m finally ready to just “go hollow,” uninstall the game, and go do something else with my day. I understand why it’s great, and I deeply love its visuals, lore, and philosophy, but I fucking despise the gameplay and I don’t think it’s something I can overcome through practice. I can no-hit Isshin the Sword Saint but I have died more than 30 times to the same spear skeleton. Ten hours to beat the tutorial is as good a try as you can expect from anyone. I think I’m done.
I know it’s ridiculous to think that anyone cares about anything I’m saying here, but I just feel the need to say it. I might delete it later. I’m pretty emotional about it. I always thought one day I’d be able to say I beat it, but I can’t keep putting myself through this. Games are supposed to be fun, and nothing about DS1 is fun for me at all.

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New to Neville's teachings? Start here!

The below links contain essentially the entirety of Neville's teachings.

• Wiki
• Sidebar
• Neville Goddard's Brief Biography
• Rules

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I manifest xyz?

Yes, anything is possible.

How do I manifest xyz?

All manifestations use the same technique(s). To get good simply takes practice and imagination.
Neville's Basic Manifestation Techniques:

• The Neville Goddard Method
• Revision: The Complete Guide

What scene should I choose?

Any scene which you believe you would encounter after your wish is fulfilled.

What should I start reading?

We recommend The Law and The Promise or The Power of Awareness first for beginners. This is because Neville includes several examples and success stories from students, in addition to being lighter on Bible references, which can be off-putting or confusing to beginners.
If you want a physical copy of his books, publishers continue publishing new copies of Neville's works. Please check your library, locally owned book store, or search online for Neville's works. If you purchase a new physical copy, we recommend The Power of Imagination: The Neville Goddard Treasury, as it contains all of Neville's books in one volume.
All of Neville’s books and lectures are in the public domain and can be searched online for free, and are included in the Wiki and Sidebar links mentioned previously.

What is an SP?

Specific Person. Usually in reference to a person’s romantic interest or crush. The term was popularized by so-called, self-professed online manifestation coaches and "experts". /NevilleGoddardSP is a dedicated, expert subreddit for that.

What is a Mental Diet?

Avoiding negative conversation and media, paying attention to positive conversation and media.

What is SATS?

State Akin To Sleep (SATS) refers to the deep state of consciousness during meditation or just before falling asleep. In SATS, the body is relaxed, but control over the mind is retained. It is used to create vivid visualizations in imagination for the purposes of manifesting.

After you have decided on the action which implies that your desire has been realized, then sit in your nice comfortable chair or lie flat on your back, close your eyes for the simple reason it helps to induce this state that borders on sleep. The minute you feel this lovely drowsy state, or the feeling of gathered togetherness, wherein you feel- I could move if I wanted to, but I do not want to, I could open my eyes if I wanted to, but I do not want to. When you get that feeling you can be quite sure that you are in the perfect state to pray successfully.
Neville Goddard, 1948 Lecture Series, Lesson 4

What is the Lullaby Method?

In SATS, instead of visualizing, repeat an affirmation to oneself again and again, building the feeling of it being true.

What is Revision?

Revision is revising in imagination events that have happened in the past as a way of mitigating their effects in the future.
See also: Revision: The Complete Guide

What is Door Slamming/You are in Barbados/Living in the End/State of the Wish Fulfilled?

Closing your mind to any other possibility besides your outcome. Assuming your desire is true and not questioning it.

Do we have Free Will?

Yes, and no. It’s complicated. See here.

What is "Everyone is You Pushed Out" (EIYPO)?

On a practical level, what you believe is what you get. The world only shows you your own beliefs. On a metaphysical level, we are all the same God interacting with Itself through an infinite number of different points.

The whole vast world is no more than man's imagining pushed out. I must qualify that by saying that the world outside of man is dead, but Man is a living soul, and it responds to man, yet man is sound asleep and does not know it. The Lord God placed man in a profound sleep, and as he sleeps the world responds as in a dream, for Man does not know he is asleep, and then he moves from a state of sleep where he is only a living soul to an awakened state where he is a life-giving Spirit. And now he can himself create, for everything is responding to an activity in man which is Imagination. "The eternal body of man is all imagination; that is God himself." (Blake)
Neville Goddard, The Law lecture

What if everything is going wrong? What if I am manifesting the opposite of my desire?

Failure is generally due to a lack of consistent faith or belief in the outcome, not feeling as though it had already happened. However, if the one has consistently been loyal to their faith, then we are reminded that all manifestations have their appointed hour (Hab 2:3). Neville writes about the causes of failure here.

What about (my sick mom, my crazy grandpa, the homeless, starving children, etc.)?

In Neville's view, there is one being that is God (who is pure imagination), and has split Itself into infinite smaller forms to undergo a series of good/bad experiences across lifetimes until these smaller pieces realize they are God and reintegrate. The less fortunate are to be helped, not looked down upon, but understanding it is necessary for God to realize Itself (to experience bad and good).

What happens after I die? What is The Promise?

Neville’s prophetic vision of an individual’s reintegration with God.

Can I manifest multiple things at once?

Yes. Here is Neville's answer regarding how to manifest multiple things from Lessons Q&A:

\5. Question: Is it possible to imagine several things at the same time, or should I confine my imagining to one desire?
Answer: Personally I like to confine my imaginal act to a single thought, but that does not mean I will stop there. During the course of a day I may imagine many things, but instead of imagining lots of small things, I would suggest that you imagine something so big it includes all the little things. Instead of imagining wealth, health and friends, imagine being ecstatic. You could not be ecstatic and be in pain. You could not be ecstatic and be threatened with a dispossession notice. You could not be ecstatic if you were not enjoying a full measure of friendship and love.
What would the feeling be like were you ecstatic without knowing what had happened to produce your ecstasy? Reduce the idea of ecstasy to the single sensation, "Isn't it wonderful!" Do not allow the conscious, reasoning mind to ask why, because if it does it will start to look for visible causes, and then the sensation will be lost. Rather, repeat over and over again, "Isn't it wonderful!" Suspend judgment as to what is wonderful. Catch the one sensation of the wonder of it all and things will happen to bear witness to the truth of this sensation. And I promise you, it will include all the little things.

What if I have another question?

Please use Reddit's search feature or post it here in the Q&A thread.