Stupid and mean rhymes

The strategy here is to use the GB and WT words against them and also use the Bible as an authority. You’ll force them to say they don’t believe the GB or the Bible if they try to criticize you.
“Do you believe the GB is the faithful slave?” They don’t know who the faithful slave is and neither do you. It’s been identified as 5 different people or groups over the years. CT Russel was first, JFK Rutherford and the corporate members next, the 144,000, the part of the 144,000 that is teaching the other part, then just the GB. Will it change again in a minute? If it was clear, there wouldn’t be a need to change it.
I’m not apostate for believing whats true and believing the Bible. If I was to say what’s in the WT now 10 years ago, I’d be apostate. If in 10 years form now I said what’s in the WT now, I’d be apostate. I’ll just stick with what the Bible says and not get too fancy.
I believe jeffrey winder when he says the GB are not inspired and make mistakes. Also when the Bible says each one should carry his own load. I’m not inspired either. But I’m the one who has to bear the consequences for my decisions.
“Do you report service time?” I talk about the Bible as much now as I ever did. [i criticize it as being stupid but I’m not saying that.] I’ll report time when the Bible says to.
Several WT article and videos say you are to blame if you suffer the consequences of believing the WT and later it was revealed Jehovah never cared about that. It says that people who believed what they heard at the conventions and COs about 1975 are you own fault for fixating on dates. It says brothers who spent 12 years in prison over civilian service in Greece should be grateful they spent time in jail after new light said it wasn’t necessary. [See my post history] I’m just taking responsibility for my own actions. Would hate to make a decision based on new light, then suffer consequences, then be told it was my own fault when the new light was changed again. Lots of people died from refusing organ transplants and lots of brothers went to prison when they didn’t need to.
I trust Bible words over Bible principles. Bible words don’t change. Bible principles say beards are bad and also says they’re good. It’s too confusing. I’ll just stick with with the Bible says. Hard to know for sure what music or dancing or medicine God hates. He probably doesn’t hate a lot of stuff we’re told he does.
If the Bible says I can’t do it, I’ll obey, if it doesn’t say that, I’ll assume it’s probably fine.
David Splane said we shouldn’t be applying anything in an antitypical manner unless the Bible specifically says to do that. The 2560 days was used to show the end of the world a lot of times. Not sure why it’s even being applied in an antitypical way.
I don’t think anyone knows who the king of the north is. It is “evidently” one country and then later it is “evidently” another country. Just hard to know.
The WT says there are people who pretend to be anointed. I have no idea and neither do you if anyone is or not.
The generation is 110 years old now. I guess I can just live my life and Jehovah sort out the end of the world.
David Splane said to check the facts regarding negative stories so I did. I watched Geoffrey Jackson testify and read the transcripts f the court cases. The states website isn’t apostate and the court transcripts aren’t taken out of context.
What did you find?
Geoffrey Jackson said JWs weren’t god’s spokesperson right in in court, which was surprising. I’d think he would use that opportunity to give a bold witness. The WT lawyer in Canada said family relations continue normally when someone is Daft and they don’t shun. Brother elder in noweigh said JWs don’t DF minors and that JWs don’t shun. The next days they showed a video instructing the co gregarious how to shun and how thorough it should be. I don’t think the lawyers care about stopping the preaching. They just don’t want kids being shunned. It wasn’t a good look.
Show me in the Bible where it says it’s wrong.
If the new light is loving and scriptural, what was the old light?
I obey God as ruler rather than men.
It seems like a conflict of interest to say after all our research and prayer we humbly conclude we are the faithful slave and you need to do everything we say even if we make mistakes.
The current two tiered DF arrangement is the same as it was in 1974. It was changed in 1980 when ray Franz wrote his book and is not back to 1974 level after the court loss in Norway. Jehovah is very sensitive to current events it seems.
People who are DFd aren’t suffering the consequences of their own actions. Mark Sanderson said the Bible never said people should be shunned over immorality or for any other reason other than being the Antichrist and dying Jesus never came in the flesh. Means those people suffered a lot more than the Bible wanted them to. It wasn’t their choice. I believe mark Sanderson on this. Lots people committed suicide when they were treated like the Antichrist.
The Bible only says to DF for denying Jesus came in the flesh. Like atheist maybe. You can be DF’d for 33 things. You think a guy who smokes deserves to never speak to his grandchildren ever again? What didnt Jehovah just say that? You think a married people should be treated like the Antichrist because they do oral sex? They’re married. What difference does it make what they do naked? Show me that in the Bible.
The Bible doesn’t say to talk to the elders. It doesnt talk about judicial committees. A pdf says that. Not the Bible.
I obey God as ruler rather than men. I’m loyal to God.
“1914 doesn’t matter. We never preach about that” 1914 is linked to 1919. If 1914 doesn’t matter, what happened in 1919? [This is when John measured the temple and said Rutherfords hostile take over of a lucrative printing company was when Jesus picked the one true religion.]
The last days started in 1799 and 1874 and 1914. I can’t keep up. I’m going to college and I’ll let Jehovah sort the rest out.
“This is the only religion that checks all the boxes WT has made for itself.” This religion checks those boxes too.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iglesia_ni_Cristo
Established in 1914, the leadership is anointed, they preach, international, no trinity, no hellfire, no Christmas, no birthdays, full water immersion after studying, no infant baptism, and they disfellowship.

I constantly see people say that Welt is the strongest but that just doesn't add up. Here's what I think
first of all Welt's black hole power obviously isn't as strong as a real black hole or it would be a kamikaze move that kills everyone and would ultimately achieve nothing except destruction. This is easy to overlook as a common impression of black holes is that they are the ultimate celestial power in the universe and nothing can stop them which by extension would mean nothing can stop Welt. To see how powerful Welt's black hole actually is you would need to go back to hi3. If you don't know, Welt's black hole comes from a tool named Star of Eden, and the Bronya in hi3 used it in her fight against Rita. Not only did the black hole not kill her, but it didn't even critically injure her, even when Rita was caught off guard. It kinda just caused the building to collapse but that's about it. So Welt's black hole is like building level or block level not celestial level. So simply citing Welt's black hole and saying it would beat everything is simply not true.
There's also people from hi3 who bring up the powers of reason and how OP they are and say by extension Welt is OP. Like one guy who I was talking to in Hoyolab was talking about awakened reason and that it can create anything Welt wants no limits. I've only played up to chapter 31 in hi3 so if it's past there I don't know about it, but from what I understand its only hypothetical and he is never seen actually using it. Besides, any feat of reason in hi3 after Welt passes on the core would be the feat of Bronya not Welt.
second of all is his constant losses. Welt is unable to kill the Abundant Deer even with the help of March and MC, and is unable to defeat Phantylia even with the help of Jing Yuan and Dan Heng IL which are two very powerful allies, and the party is only able to defeat her because she tried to turn Jing Yuan into a voidranger. He also is unable to defeat Aventurine even with the help of all the astral express except Dan Heng as Acheron said she would only step in if she was needed. He also gets imprisoned by Sunday without too much effort. Even in his prime in hi3 he has his fair share of loses. Obviously against Kevin when he fought him in the Sea of Quanta and lost, and also in that manga story everyone always makes edits of (I haven't read it but I read about it on Sirin's wiki page) he loses to Sirin. He is only able to win against her once because he had help from some nukes and loses against her the second time. The worst part is that I constantly see people making random unprovable justifications for his losses in hsr like he was holding back for some reason even against the stronger enemies because somehow he knew that they would be defeated. Like Welt isn't some freeloader on a school group project man he's a member of the party like anyone else
There's also the famed conversation with Acheron where he threatens gravitational disintegration. Welt didn't even know who Acheron was at this point in the story so it's not like he knew he was more powerful than her. And the reason Acheron obliges his request isn't because she was scared or intimidated of him, (her expression is literally unmoved) but because she never wanted to fight him in the first place she only wanted to talk.
Even on a writing standpoint it would be stupid if Welt was the strongest. Imagine hyping up the power of the mysterious emanator on Penacony only to in reality be weaker than Welt. Like what would even be the point of having emanators if they could be beaten 1v1 by people who aren't emanators. This doesn't apply to every Aeon because each one blesses their emanators in different ways, but an emanator of IX clearly gets a power boost so that doesn't apply.
So despite all of this people still adamantly say Welt is easily the strongest character in hsr, even stronger than people literally blessed by gods. Is there something I'm missing here in hi3 lore or something?

The strategy here is to use the GB and WT words against them and also use the Bible as an authority. You’ll force them to say they don’t believe the GB or the Bible if they try to criticize you.
“Do you believe the GB is the faithful slave?” They don’t know who the faithful slave is and neither do you. It’s been identified as 5 different people or groups over the years. CT Russel was first, JFK Rutherford and the corporate members next, the 144,000, the part of the 144,000 that is teaching the other part, then just the GB. Will it change again in a minute? If it was clear, there wouldn’t be a need to change it.
I’m not apostate for believing whats true and believing the Bible. If I was to say what’s in the WT now 10 years ago, I’d be apostate. If in 10 years form now I said what’s in the WT now, I’d be apostate. I’ll just stick with what the Bible says and not get too fancy.
I believe jeffrey winder when he says the GB are not inspired and make mistakes. Also when the Bible says each one should carry his own load. I’m not inspired either. But I’m the one who has to bear the consequences for my decisions.
“Do you report service time?” I talk about the Bible as much now as I ever did. [i criticize it as being stupid but I’m not saying that.] I’ll report time when the Bible says to.
Several WT article and videos say you are to blame if you suffer the consequences of believing the WT and later it was revealed Jehovah never cared about that. It says that people who believed what they heard at the conventions and COs about 1975 are you own fault for fixating on dates. It says brothers who spent 12 years in prison over civilian service in Greece should be grateful they spent time in jail after new light said it wasn’t necessary. [See my post history] I’m just taking responsibility for my own actions. Would hate to make a decision based on new light, then suffer consequences, then be told it was my own fault when the new light was changed again. Lots of people died from refusing organ transplants and lots of brothers went to prison when they didn’t need to.
I trust Bible words over Bible principles. Bible words don’t change. Bible principles say beards are bad and also says they’re good. It’s too confusing. I’ll just stick with with the Bible says. Hard to know for sure what music or dancing or medicine God hates. He probably doesn’t hate a lot of stuff we’re told he does.
If the Bible says I can’t do it, I’ll obey, if it doesn’t say that, I’ll assume it’s probably fine.
David Splane said we shouldn’t be applying anything in an antitypical manner unless the Bible specifically says to do that. The 2560 days was used to show the end of the world a lot of times. Not sure why it’s even being applied in an antitypical way.
I don’t think anyone knows who the king of the north is. It is “evidently” one country and then later it is “evidently” another country. Just hard to know.
The WT says there are people who pretend to be anointed. I have no idea and neither do you if anyone is or not.
The generation is 110 years old now. I guess I can just live my life and Jehovah sort out the end of the world.
David Splane said to check the facts regarding negative stories so I did. I watched Geoffrey Jackson testify and read the transcripts f the court cases. The states website isn’t apostate and the court transcripts aren’t taken out of context.
What did you find?
Geoffrey Jackson said JWs weren’t god’s spokesperson right in in court, which was surprising. I’d think he would use that opportunity to give a bold witness. The WT lawyer in Canada said family relations continue normally when someone is Daft and they don’t shun. Brother elder in noweigh said JWs don’t DF minors and that JWs don’t shun. The next days they showed a video instructing the co gregarious how to shun and how thorough it should be. I don’t think the lawyers care about stopping the preaching. They just don’t want kids being shunned. It wasn’t a good look.
Show me in the Bible where it says it’s wrong.
If the new light is loving and scriptural, what was the old light?
I obey God as ruler rather than men.
It seems like a conflict of interest to say after all our research and prayer we humbly conclude we are the faithful slave and you need to do everything we say even if we make mistakes.
The current two tiered DF arrangement is the same as it was in 1974. It was changed in 1980 when ray Franz wrote his book and is not back to 1974 level after the court loss in Norway. Jehovah is very sensitive to current events it seems.
People who are DFd aren’t suffering the consequences of their own actions. Mark Sanderson said the Bible never said people should be shunned over immorality or for any other reason other than being the Antichrist and dying Jesus never came in the flesh. Means those people suffered a lot more than the Bible wanted them to. It wasn’t their choice. I believe mark Sanderson on this. Lots people committed suicide when they were treated like the Antichrist.
The Bible only says to DF for denying Jesus came in the flesh. Like atheist maybe. You can be DF’d for 33 things. You think a guy who smokes deserves to never speak to his grandchildren ever again? What didnt Jehovah just say that? You think a married people should be treated like the Antichrist because they do oral sex? They’re married. What difference does it make what they do naked? Show me that in the Bible.
The Bible doesn’t say to talk to the elders. It doesnt talk about judicial committees. A pdf says that. Not the Bible.
I obey God as ruler rather than men. I’m loyal to God.
“1914 doesn’t matter. We never preach about that” 1914 is linked to 1919. If 1914 doesn’t matter, what happened in 1919? [This is when John measured the temple and said Rutherfords hostile take over of a lucrative printing company was when Jesus picked the one true religion.]
The last days started in 1799 and 1874 and 1914. I can’t keep up. I’m going to college and I’ll let Jehovah sort the rest out.

Today's young people swear a lot. People online swear a lot. People also swear a lot when they're close to you. The combination of all three factors makes talking to a lot of people in private (as in non-professional) contexts very frustrating for me. I have zero difficulty talking to people of all age ranges or backgrounds in professional contexts, even for projects or tasks that many would find awkward. However, I can't "enjoy" talking to people who could be my friends if only they were not as sweary or unserious all the time.
I don't entirely know why I'm like this. I used to be a bit more normal in this respect, until I went to a different country for education, and, having put all my efforts into academics and learning a new language, I guess I became a lot more serious in terms of my personality. My preferred way of watching movies and shows and enjoying video games turned from the most average one to one that is far too analytical than most people would enjoy. I could no longer engage in many recreational activities I used to enjoy with my previous friends, then I lost most of my previous friends, and in the process somewhat learned to keep my thoughts to myself a bit more. My own "seriousness" I can handle now, but what I still can't fully handle is that I seem to also have lost my ability to cope with others' lack of seriousness (most commonly, people's excessive use of swear words.)
One example might be how the word "sh*t" can technically be used as a pronoun to mean just about anything in today's English... or maybe just American English? But practically, most online English (I'm mentioning online English because even with personal friends, so much of our conversations today occur online or on phones... and with that comes the much more informal standard of language). I just... can't handle that. One use of it and I can still keep a straight face, but internally my enjoyment of the conversation is gone. Three uses and I feel a strong urge to leave.
I get the use of swears in swear-necessary situations, I really do. I do shout "fu*k" when I hit my toes, but what I don't get is when people use repulsive words when there's no need for one, and when they're not even trying to insult anyone or anything.
Of course, this increased prevalence of non-insulting swear words also makes insulting uses of swear words more prevalent. People can quickly call things they don't understand "sh*t movies," "retard policies," or just "fu*k this game," only to change their opinions halfway through the movie. Their hasty judgments almost seem like a subconscious rebellion against the logical, analytical thinking they did frequently in schools and now continue to do in their professional lives... I mean, they are entitled to their ways of thinking ableto saying things without thinking. They are all good people and I know that when making important decisions they apply their full logical faculties. However, I'm not able to make friends with most of these unserious persons around me... which is to say, basically everyone around me.
Back in high school, most people (advisor type, mostly) told me "it's fine, just go to college and people would be more serious." In college, they say "just do grad school, people would be more serious there."
Now I've worked for a few years, and I still can't seem to find people I'd enjoy talking to... and I'm now much more used to being alone than having friends.
I think if I don't do something, I will probably stay rather alone for the foreseeable future. I'm used to it right now, but I do have anxiety about accepting this as a permanent state of my life. Will I have regrets?
Is this something I should work on? Is this something I could work on? Or, do I accept my personal preferences in conversations, but try to find more serious persons to make friends with? And where can I find such persons in today's world? Thanks for any advice and sorry if this question is a bit stupid, but the name of this subreddit is what gave me the courage to ask it.

Hey all! So I wanted to give a part two since I'm not high now lol, and also I wanted to clear up some things and add in some other details I left out that I just remembered. If you haven't seen the first part of this post then I suggest going to that, otherwise you'll be very confused. Also, I forgot to add this in my first post but DON'T READ if triggered by certain topics like r*ape, SA, murder, abuse, etc. Another thing is, this post is going to be a lot darker and aside from talking about what happened, I'm also looking for advice on my mental state and how to cope. So please read with caution because I'm going to be talking about what happened with B, but also about my past before him and how what happened is affecting my past trauma.
So, I'm not going to retell the whole story but I am going to be bringing up a lot of parts from it and things I didn't realize until after the incident happened. And some of the things I didn't think of until my friend brought it up. So in my first post, I was talking about how B (26M) was REALLY into Jeffrey Dahmer. Well, in the show we watched with Evan Peters, I noticed a lot of things Jeffrey did as well as already knowing a lot about him before watching it. I noticed that B was doing a lot of things similar to him. Now, I forgot to add in this part last time, but B was really 'straight phobic.' Now I'm a bi transman but I don't hate cis / straight people. In fact, a lot of my friends are cis and in straight relationships. For some reason though, he did, to a weird extent. And even though he was being respectful in the beginning, I'm starting to get a feeling he wasn't actually gay or cared about trans people. Because it seems as though ALL of his former partners were transmen. Which isn't that weird I guess, and he did tell me he tried dating a cis man before but it didn't work. After I met him in person he was telling me that he really liked his trans partners to still have sex vaginally and he liked tits. So, I was kind of confused at that. I think what was really going on was that he isn't gay but wanted to be so he could be like Jeffrey Dahmer. I know it's a bit of a stretch, but you'll see why later. So another thing is, Jeffrey would always ask his potential victims to go back to his place for drinks and to take photos, particularly sexual ones. Jeffrey would then lace the drinks and go on to do weird things to his victims while taking their pictures. And while I was trapped at his place, B kept pushing alcohol on me, A LOT. So much so, that when I kept refusing he started getting angry. However, once I pretended to take a sip it was like his whole attitude changed. He also kept joking it was laced, like EVERYTIME he offered me some. Even though I didn't actually drink any, like I said in the first post, I still got a few drops on my lips and in my mouth. After that I started to get a headache and was a bit dizzy. Also, he had told me before that he liked to take pictures of his partners in sexual poses while they held his guns. Aside from the guns, that's EXACTLY WHAT JEFFREY WOULD DO. For some reason, I didn't piece any of this together until afterwards. I guess I was too shaken up to think clearly. I said this before as well, but when I first entered his house, it was pitch black and he had black out curtains on EVERY WINDOW in his house. His bedroom, living room, kitchen, I mean his whole house made it seem like it was night outside. Another thing that is eerily similar to Jeffrey, is that B told me before I met him in person he always liked dating someone younger. I, at the time, was nineteen and he was twenty five, about to turn twenty six. I honestly don't know what was wrong with me so have not seen the BIG RED FLAGS in the beginning, but he played it off so well I didn't even notice them until after everything happened. And it isn't like me to go for older guys, I usually try to go for someone two years older or younger than me, as I don't like have a huge age gap between me and my partner. Anyway though, Jeffrey always went for younger guys, as well as sometimes KIDS. So, that's another thing similar between them, as well as the fact that B told me he was into little brother play. Where he makes his partners act like a younger brother during sex, etc. He also told me he liked for his partners to SUCK ON BINKIES. BRUHHHH, no thanks bro, I'm good. See, if it was just one of these things that he liked / was into, then I guess it would be normal. Just a guy into a weird ass kink, but all these things combined just did not sit right with me as well as how he was acting. Now, I said in my other post that basically the ENTIRE TIME I was with him, he had a weird ass expression on his face that made me uncomfortable. I wish I could explain better, but it was like constipated / confused look, like Edward from Twilight when he does those weird facial expressions. His brows were always furrowed and he looked like he was uncomfortable / anxious the whole time. He was being super sketchy. His body language was just really off-putting and made me feel weird. And the thing he kept ranting about the most was how Jeffrey Dahmer was misunderstood and just needed someone to be there for him, and then maybe he wouldn't have killed people. The thing that scared me the most was how he said he felt the same way, that he wished he could just have someone not leave him and how he had trust issues after his former partners. Especially the one I mentioned in the last post, about how his ex partner before me snuck out in the middle of the night and got his family to come get him. His family lived across the country, so it had to have been pretty bad for his ex to call his parents and tell them to come get him. Because they drove across multiple different states to come pick him up in the middle of the night so he could sneak away. I have a major feeling that B left out a lot of their fight and why his ex actually left. Not to mention while I was with him, he watched every move I made and wouldn't let me get on my phone without him seeing what I was doing / texting to people. I have a feeling if he thought I was trying to leave him he would've done something bad. Just like Jeffrey. Jeffrey wouldn't always hurt his victims (Not at first anyway) it was always when they said they had to leave that he would get angry and force them to stay. So, idk man, I could've been killed or worse. Also, I know I said I could've been killed or worse, and some of you are probably thinking what's worse than being killed? Well, to me, a lot of things he could've done would have been worse. Especially if he was trying to be like Dahmer, then I could've gotten acid injected into my brain or been r*aped. Which is exactly what I think he was trying to do, with how much alcohol he was trying to push on me. He also kept 'petting' me and touching my thighs while he told me all the ways he'd kill me 'if he was a serial killer.' I genuinely think that something bad would've happened if I didn't have one HELL of an excuse to leave. Because honestly, my mom couldn't have given a better excuse for me to go that also sounded real and not like a lie. Because, like I said before, I had told him before I met him that my mother had health issues and was always in and out of the hospital, so it was perfect that she used that as an excuse. He got really cold and wasn't speaking to me when he heard my phone call and that I had to leave, but I think if I would've tried to leave without that excuse or by giving him an obvious lie, then I might not be here. I'm also super grateful to my best friends who let me come to their place and stay late instead of going home. Me and my best friend, basically my sister, have talked about this a lot since it happened and every time we do, we try to rationalize why someone would act like that, other than being an actual serial killer / r*pist. But we can never think of a reason besides the fact that he simply is what he seems like. A really unhinged person who could've hurt me badly. Also, this was my FIRST TRUE experience in online dating and I honestly think I'm never going to try that again. I've run into so many creeps trying to date online, AND in real life. Most people who aren't trans probably don't realize or know this, but there are a lot of men that want to do really weird and fucked up things to trans people because I guess they think we are some mutant or something, or 'the best of both worlds.' I've run into them a lot, and when I met B, I thought that was over. I thought I had met an actual good person who was educated on trans topics and was respectful of my boundaries and my body. Nope. Now I'm starting to think dating, at least where I live now, is almost impossible and I think I'm going to be alone for awhile. :') Not to mention, I'm now traumatized after what happened with B, and I already had trouble trusting men, and just people in general. Before meeting him I have already been SAed before, multiple times. I guess I'm simply asking for advice on how to move on from something like this. I was trying, and doing kind of ok, moving on from things that had happened before I met B, but now after what happened with him I feel like I'm back sliding and it's making me relive all my past traumas. I basically trust no one, when it comes to sexual things, besides my two best friends I've known since childhood. I tend to over sexualize everything, even things that aren't sexual at all, and get scared around ANYONE, even family members, who I know deep down don't see me like that. I was also abused as a kid and wasn't able to get out of it until I was eighteen, and I've only just turned twenty now, so it wasn't even until two years ago I was still being abused. I feel I've fallen into the dark again and my panic attacks have gotten worse again. I feel depressed and I didn't realize until recently that I'm suicidal again. I didn't realize it until recently, because when I was younger and suicidal, I knew I was. I've tried unaliving myself before so I didn't think about it because I don't feel that way now. It's different this time. Instead of my thoughts directly wanting me to pull out a gun and, ya know, this time it's more subtle and more of a subconscious action. Like closing my eyes for a few seconds while driving. Or intrusive thoughts about ramming head first into the car in the other lane. Or going hiking and thinking of what it would feel like to step off the cliff. I'm honestly just tired. I feel like every person I meet has some kind of ulterior motive, whatever it is. I'm working at a really nice job but it seems like every time I save up money and am doing good for my future, I have to use it on something unexpected that pops into my life. I'm living with my grandparents for now because they said they weren't going to charge me rent, and I'm super grateful for that, but even still I can't keep money and I kind of just don't see my future anymore. Both my parents were drug addicts, my mother to pain pills then xans after that, my father was mainly an alcoholic but also did meth, pills, and other things. It doesn't help because when I was younger, around my early teen years (13-16) I started smoking cigs when I was 12, then I started smoking weed, which I still do, but then it got worse and I've tried xans, snorting pills I didn't even know what they were, drinking, and I've even done shrooms and LSD. I've also had some really bad trips on LSD that made my severe panic disorder worse and after that I now disassociate a lot too and have trouble knowing if I'm in reality while having a panic attack. And after what happened with B, his house and the smell (Cigs and booze) just reminded me what it was like living with my parents in that crack house looking trailer. It's like my brain won't let me let go of the past and move on. It's like I'm constantly stuck there still. And aside from dating, it's also super hard to meet people as friends where I live. I love my two best friends, one of which has been with me since we were basically fetuses and her parents and mine were friends, so her parents were also abusive drug addicts. It's nice to have someone so close and how we can relate to what we went through. We joke that we were traumatized by our parents, but also by each other's parents as well lol. Even though I'm grateful for them, you never know what's going to happen in the future and I don't want to be solely dependent on them and be able to make new friends, but I just can't. I feel so alone, and my friend I grew up with has been moved out a lot longer than me and has had time to heal, and I don't wanna keep dumping my mental problems on her because it's unfair to her. I feel like I'm just bringing her back to our past with me. When I moved out, I completely cut ties with my father, I don't even like calling him that, as he was the first person to SA me and he is, in general, and evil person. I try to think that evil people don't exist, but then I think of him and I realize they do. My mom though, is a good person when she isn't on anything. Recently though, I blocked her and haven't talked to her in over a month because she OD again on xans and amphetamines. I kind of realized recently that she is almost as bad as my father, even though I never wanted to admit that to myself. Because when I was younger, I admitted to her that he had SAed me and she kept pressuring me to tell her what happened, like, IN DETAIL. I told her no because I didn't want to relive it and think about it, even now I have a lot of repressed memories. And because I wouldn't tell her EXACTLY what happened, she doesn't believe. I think she does, deep down, but she doesn't want it to be real. And after her OD last month, she tried telling me she didn't and that it was just her BLOOD PRESSURE. LIKE OH MY GOD BITCH, WHY DO YOU LIE? She must think I'm stupid or something. Before I blocked her, I cussed her out over text and said something like "Who do you think was the first person at the hospital? Not grandma, not your husband, ME. I've always been there for you first. Who do you think told me you had OD? The doctors when I first got there!" And she still denies it, even though when me and my friend got the hospital she was lying there naked (they had to cut her clothes off to save her) with a breathing tube stuck down her throat. I've tried helping her my whole life but apparently she doesn't want help. So now I've gotten tired of her BS and I blocked her and now my grandma is pressuring me to talking to her, luckily though, my grandpa went through something similar as a kid and understands how it is so he isn't guilt tripping me into talking with her. I'm just tired of having to put into traumatic situations. My mental health just keeps getting worse. Somehow, trauma always finds me and nowadays, it seems my only friends are my demons. It used to not be like this, but now even when I'm with my two closest friends, I still feel lonely. Like they are reminding me that when I leave my friends, I'm alone again. Anyway, I know this probably isn't the right subreddit for this, but I kind of just started ranting, sorry for that.
Also, to clear some things up, no I don't use drugs, not anymore. I've never really been an addict at all in my life, somehow. I just did drugs because I wanted to escape when I was younger, and thankfully I never got addicted to any of them. Not like you can get addicted to LSD or shrooms anyway. The only thing I've got addicted to was cigarettes, which rn, is the least of my concerns. And as for weed, I used to be a major stoner but it started making my panic attacks worse so I stopped for a few years, cold turkey, and only recently started smoking it again. So, I'm not worried about weed and if anything, it's been helping now. Especially since I don't smoke it nearly as much as I used to. So, for those worried about me being or getting on drugs, don't worry I'm fine. I have made a clear boundary for myself to never do anything besides smoking my cigs and weed. Cause I've seen how drugs affect my parents and others I've known and I've sworn to myself that I won't become them. It also sucks though because I see psychedelics as something that can help a lot of people with trauma, and the first shrooms trip I ever did changed my life for the better. Now though, after my bad LSD trip, I don't know if I can every do them again. Maybe one day, but not for the foreseeable furture. Again, sorry for going on a rant. I'll probably post this to another subreddit and see if anyone can help. I'm not looking for therapy as I don't have the money or health insurance. Just looking for someone who can relate that has been able to move past similar things and find happiness. If you've read this far, thank you. Like seriously, from the bottom of my heart. It means a lot to me that someone would read about another person's problems and life experience. I hope whoever is reading this is having a great day / night wherever you are, and are living your best life. And for those reading that are going through a similar situation right now and can't get out, I promise you aren't alone. I haven't really gotten better, so I can't say things get better, but I can say it DOES get easier. All I can say is, you aren't alone in it. There are others, like me, who know your pain. Keep living, it'll be worth it. Even though I'm not doing my best and my mental problems are still with me, that doesn't mean it's all been bad. I've made a lot of amazing memories after I moved out. Keep going.

Strictly versus light targets it's not terrible, but I cannot justify using the damn thing if I don't bring a supply pack. I always hear "It has like no recoil in semi" "use burst fire", or "tap fire it". If I have a bullet hose that has the lowest damage in the game, I'm not going to put it in semi or burst because it won't kill consistently in one to three shots even with a weak point. The Knight is most controllable in sustained bursts, you'll "max" out your recoil and can rope your target with adjusting off your traces or impacts.
It's clearly inspired by the P90 and if anything would suit the role of the Liberator Penetrator damage profile with a light weight armor piercing caliber. This would by no means make it much better with how post pen damage/durable damage work, but it would at least add some flavor to the firearm other than "smg go brrrrrt". It also doesn't have the cruch of having critical break points since it's a bullet hose so I don't think just upping the damage would really solve things. I'd love to see the recoil reduced since they already have a pistol in game with the same damage, similar rate of Fire, but less recoil; when the smg is stocked and braced into your shoulder recoils more. I don't want them to perform the Defender, but they insist they want firearms to be realistic, but a higher caliber round SMG does more damage having less recoil is stupid, it's slow rate of fire should be the reason it's controllable, not the recoil stat. The Knight shouldn't have high recoil because it's identity is a bullet hose, if it has low damage ie caliber, it should have low recoil, but the INSANE rate of Fire should be what makes it a high recoil bullet hose.
Genuinely curious what people think could help this thing out. I personally just lean into making it a P90, should be light recoiling, medium 1 pen, he'll keep the damage, but give it more range (damage falloff not projectile speed, it already moves faster, but damage falloff is a pain for this thing) over the other 9mm/45acp inspired pistols and SMGs. Ammo consumption it should at least have 8 mags to keep up, but in my opinion with its current state otherwise untouched it NEEDS 10. It's a primary, not a support weapon so I'd rather see it not just get ammo economy buffs, but rather something worth using where yeah, you have a badass Super P90 bullet hose, but you'll go dry if you don't avoid fighting everything you see with long ropes of liberty.

So one day I saw a video saying "if Jesus is god, then why did he pray to God" and on another day I said it to my dad because I converted a few months ago and my family all are Muslim (I'm 17m btw) and I said "i saw this video it said if Jesus is god why did he pray to God" then I chuckled after that but I didn't really mean it I just said it because.my dad is Muslim and yeah :(( 😭😭😭 It was a month ish ago but I never really meant it 😭😭😭
But back when I was younger I think I was between 12-14 I said I don't believe in Jesus or the holy spirit and laughed at Christianity because I was young and stupid this happened when I was a Muslim 😭😭😭😭
I don't remember all but I probably said and laughed alot back then and now I'm scared I committed it :((((
But I converted to Christianity and believe in them now did I commit the unforgiveable sin 😭😭😭😭😭

Everyone I spend time with my friend it feel so wonderful. Is it still love after all this time?
I miss her so much every time I leave after a visit.More of a story and a question. I really don’t even know where to start. You need to how painfully confusing this friendship was from the start. Met in grad school 2017, was taken with my friend quite quickly, and she expressed interest and when I followed up on her invites she wasn’t interested. So, I avoided her because I didn’t want to get involved. However, she ended up running into me all the time and something changed. One night right around Christmas at dinner, she just blurted out she’s polyamorous and a few other things. I didn’t know how to react and by the time I knew what the hell was going I, I didn’t know if I wanted to get involved, thought I might get hurt.
There were a number of nights at 3AM when she asked me to come back for coffee or whatever(that I remember), and I wasn’t sure of anything. However, we ended up living close together and then spent way too much time together during the pandemic going on trips alone, with her other partner. I felt myself falling for her again, but then she moved away and my life fell apart. But it didn’t end.
I need to clarify. My life falling apart wasn’t her fault. The pandemic pidgeon-holed me in a toxic job and then both my older parents had health incidents which required that I move back and start taking care of them and 80% of the household items and transitioning them to a smaller house. Couple that with my own health problems which are a result of all this stress and I feel like I’ve lost who I really learned to be.
I know I should be out doing things and looking elsewhere, but I have no time. I waste 2.5 hrs commuting to work, errands after work for my parents, come home cooking, scrape the remnants of myself together, take a sleeping pill (because the tv is never off) and go to bed. This isn’t relevant except to say I hope I’m not simply clinging to my friend for the wrong reasons.
I’ve withdrawn into myself, am nervous and generally don’t feel like dealing with people. Every other aspect of my life is so taxing right now.
Back to my friend. Knowing her changed me. Although I was confused, she still taught me how fulfilling it can be to make someone happy, communicate emotionally with someone and just feel content and happy being with them. Simple things like telling them unabashedly how something small they did made me happy, being more demonstrative with me affection, and how reciprocating is so fulfilling. The constant making fun of me always helped too. I think that I wouldn’t really have these feelings if she didn’t keep doing as much for me as I try to do for her. I don’t know why I feel embarrassed, but I feel content and so much more when I’m with her.
She gave me so much confidence and energy.
A couple months ago, we met up in NYC for four days and just spent time together. When I went pick up my car at the valet service, we hugged, said goodbye and (it sounds stupid) she said she wanted to wait with me. So we sat down on the bench, and she put her head on my shoulder. It just touched me. There’s a quote that always stuck with me from a young age, but it never really meant that much until I met her. It is “Find someone to sit with you, none of us are strong enough to do it alone.” I held it together until I drove away. I know it’s a reflection of how I’m struggling right now, but the time I spent with her, made me perk back up, be myself more.
Then last week we met up again. I drove 8 hours to spend 10 hours with her and a few friends. It made it clear to me how much time spent with her makes me feel more like my ‘actual self’ if that makes sense. She kept up bringing things up she wanted to do, and had already planned another trip.
Yes, I’m pretty sure she knows how I feel. When she moved away, I told her that she means so much to me and all the time we spent together meant the world. She stopped her car, ran back out and just squeezed me so hard. It felt like a stupid Casablanca moment. I’ve probably drunkenly said something I don’t quite remember too. To be clear, I don’t ever expect anything ‘more’. I cherish having her as a friend.
There’s always a part of me that hopes one of us won’t follow up. More often than not she asks me right before I leave if I’d like to do ‘something else’ with her that she’s already started thinking about. Or I’ll get a call right when I get home. I don’t ever say no.
Part of this post is me trying to understand me feelings. I know I want her in my life more, but that won’t work now or possibly ever. What does more mean for me? I don’t know. I get so much energy when I see her, I’m motivated to do so much with her. Seeing her giggle and have fun give me a wonderful feeling. The other 90%of my life is filled with constant stress, and indifference bordering on hate for my parents. And why does she make me feel like a more complete person? I don’t know.

My ex and I had a very messy 1 year relationship. He was incredibly narcissistic and toxic, he made me distance myself from my family and was very selfish. He also cheated on me many times with his ex. He was also a relationship hopper who did not love himself and did not know how to be alone. I tried to help him many times and took him to therapy but he just did not want help.
Despite all of this, he helped me understand my depression and he made good music that really helped me heal.
The last time he cheated on me was with someone much younger who he met on tinder. I left and never looked back. I blocked him on everything and despite doing this before, we could never keep no contact. But this time I was determined to do so. It was incredibly hard because I cared so deeply for this person and it hurt knowing he was with someone else. They moved in together after 2 weeks and this is when I cut ties.
It took me a good 8 months to forget he existed.
3 years later.. out of the blue, I get an email from him asking if we could speak. I didn’t really want to as I know how manipulative he can be and my friends all told me no, but something in my heart was telling me this was different.
I was SHOCKED he reached out because he has an ego the size of Texas and so I never expected him to contact me.
Something seemed so off.. He called me crying (something he never did) and he apologized for everything he put me through and tells me that I was the only person who truly accepted him for who he was and his deepest regret was treating me the way he did blah blah I didn’t take too much of it to heart as I know how manipulative he can be.
Regardless, I told him I forgave him a long time ago as I truly don’t hold space in my heart for hate or resentment and that I just hope he is now being a better person to others.
We planned to meet face to face a couple of days later.
The day came and he never showed, I texted him but he never replied. I got a call that same day from him at stupid o’clock but I was so mad that he stood me up, so I didn’t answer. I couldn’t believe I was made a fool once again and I fell for his antics.
Well, little did I know that he passed away that night. His pain and regret for the things he did was too much for him to face.
As I spent the next couple of years grieving him, I learned that I actually loved and cared for him more than I thought I did and so did he. At his funeral, I had the chance to speak to his mother who always supported us and who also tried to help him to change. She told me that they did have to go through all of his things with the police, including his phone and computers. I was shocked to hear about how many songs, poems and messages expressing his love and regret. I never thought he actually cared about me at all.
This taught me that you should never underestimate the hole your absence will leave in someone’s life. However, you must give them space to miss you. Sadly, men only learn value via losing.
On the other side, protect your peace, guard your heart and forgive yourself. Apologize to them if you need to, cry if you need to and let it go.
His family kindly allowed his demos to be uploaded onto Spotify for me and his friends to listen to.
If you’re ever wondering if he misses you, of course he does but people miss people dead or alive, it’s nothing new.
Whoever you meet, always try to leave them better than how you found them - and I don’t mean baby them or try and change them - what I mean is, SHOW them, using your actions, how people SHOULD be. No matter how bad of a person they are, always be kind, always be patient, always forgive (but you don’t need to forget) - you may ask why, as some people really don’t deserve it, but please understand that you might be the closest thing to love someone will ever experience.
I hope this made sense ❤️

I am sorry if this post is not appropiate here but I have no idea where to turn for help. Or just a listening ear.
I have been suicidal since I was 12. I have no idea why it started but I think I've been struggling with depression ever since. I had a few near attempts, the one I remember clearly is when I was standing with 10 of my father's blood pressure pills in my hands. I was 15 when I had the guts for the first time to tell my parents. I was told to exercise more and it was left at that.
Since then suicidal thoughts come and go in waves but never really leave. I know how and where I can do it when I need to. I'm disgusted with myself. The only reason I'm not dead yet are my pets. We have many, but I have two "soul pets", if you know what I mean. I love all of them but that one cat and dog are my best and only friends.
I lost my cat in January to poisoning and I've never been worse in my whole life. I still see her from the corner of my eyes and the images of her having seizures still haunts me. When I see the vet clinic I break down. When our other dog has seizures (he has epilepsy and is checked on by a vet regularly), I break down. I see a cat that resembles her, I break down.
After she was put to sleep I could barely get out of bed for two weeks. I didn't take care of myself and had to play stupid games on my phone all the time, otherwise I started sobbing. Now I'm either empty or just want to end it all.
My dog is still alive, but he's old. Maybe this is his last year. Maybe he has two or three left. When he's gone, my last reason to stay alive will be gone with him. I am going to go with him if I even last that long. I'm fucked up and don't think that can be helped. I don't know how to help myself anymore.

I bring this up because I had a video on my FYP come up about this guy sharing that he was an alcoholic and had depressive episodes, that’s fine right just talking about what he experiences. Well he was telling a short story about a girl saying “we love a mentally ill king” after he opened up to her about it and it just honestly makes my blood boil. I hear a song every day at work about like “I’m broken and it’s beautiful” NO IT IS NOT. By all means, share how you feel to a therapist or someone you trust so that you can get the proper help. But disorders aren’t fun, they aren’t cool, they aren’t pretty, THEY SUCK. And I HATE it when people say things like that or like “I want to date a mentally ill person” then whenever they have to actually deal with that person’s mental illness as well, that person is suddenly toxic and gross. ESPECIALLY BPD AND DEPRESSION. BPD is so demonized, it’s insane to me how. And depression is so looked down on because everyone just thinks “Oh you’re sad today :(“ like THATS NOT ALL???? People with depressive episodes sometimes can literally not get out of bed for almost anything. Like how the hell do you go “Lemme get a piece of that 😏” and switch up so fast to “Ew, you haven’t cleaned your room in 6 months??? You aren’t depressed, you’re just a pig..” It’s so INFURIATING. And all this I’ve seen in this sub the last few days about “It’s their disorder so let them display it how they want” is so stupid. This isn’t “insert username disorder” ITS AUTISM. A disorder that is not specific to ONLY ONE PERSON. If people openly infantilize or romanticize a disorder people will start to think that presentation is the disorder as a whole or that that is how they should treat others with the same disorder. By all means, present your disorder(s) however you want while you are alone and NOT on a MASSIVE PUBLIC PLATFORM FOR MILLIONS OF (POSSIBLY) UNDEREDUCATED PEOPLE TO SEE AND MISINTERPRET. PLEASE PEOPLE.. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, I wish this was all just common sense..

This is long to read if your on mobile (I am) any advice helps, thanks.
I, (17f) am about to be a senior in high school and I’ve kind of realized how behind I feel in life.
For background I have very strict parents, and one of them is emotionally absent (I think she’s a narcissist but we will never know) and I don’t think she likes me very much. That’s besides the point however, but she’s kind of hands off in my life not in the “I don’t care what you do” way, but in the “I don’t want you to do anything but school and home” way but she won’t help me do anything else.
My dad however he’s involved more with me and I really appreciate him, but he’s still strict in the sense that if I go somewhere he has to be the one to take me and bring me back, and I have to let him know weeks in advance. This makes it really inconvenient for me socially because we live in the middle of nowhere. Or not nowhere, but an EXTREMELY car dependent area. Like a shopping center a 10 minute drive away, but a 3 hour walk along a narrow empty road kind of nowhere. Meaning no public transport, and without him I’m physically stuck at home. (Ubers not allowed). My parents also don’t really do family bonding stuff to get new experiences. Every somewhat interesting experience I’ve had in my life thus far has come from my oldest brother and his fiance who I also consider my sister who are both twice my age. Meaning I can’t really relate to them on a personal level, but since my brother knows how my parents are he really makes and effort to be there and help me in basically everything. Like if I didn’t have him, I’d never know what an amusement park like six flags is like, I would never have been to Panera bread, I’d never see a movie, id be typing this on a leapfrog, and I’d literally never do anything. at all. That’s how mundane my parents lives are and since they’re older(60s), and come from a really rough life (they migrated here) they’re kind of content with work, home, eat, sleep, repeat. Maybe once in a blue moon go out to eat, or shop at a department store for furniture or something. My mom in particular has also kind of given up being a parent because of me and my siblings age gap, it’s like I’m a ghost to her. I do a lot of stuff myself not by choice. Like If I was told to pack only my things and go, I’d literally pack my entire room. Everything in it except for the mattress and major furniture was purchased by me, or my brother and sister (his fiance). All my shoes, 80% of my clothes, and all else have been bought by me/siblings since I was 15 i think?
I’ve never had a family trip/vacation even to like somewhere local/close. Everywhere we go has to have some sort of legitimate purpose, and when I bring this up to my parents they bring up those types of trips. “Remember when we went to Florida!” But we stayed for literally a day and a half soley for the purpose of attending my brother’s graduation when I was like 8. “Remember when we went to Canada” again for a day and a half just for some church program thing (super Christian). Again when I was like 12. I’m too young to do anything for fun in their eyes or take public transport, but I’m allowed to have my job. Even then I can’t work more than once a week because they’ll complain about having to take me and pick me up as I’m reliant on them for transportation. I’ve been pushing them to get my lisence, but they keep stalling for god knows why. And to knock this out, no they are not financially struggling. On top of that I have no family aside from them/my siblings in the US, so I literally have nobody. My brother, I love him and his help but I feel like I’m holding him back from truly being able to let them go and be free of constant contact with them for other reasons, because he still wants to be in my life and help me.
Earlier I said one of my parents is emotionally absent, it’s no secret but it’s my mom, pretty sure she hates me and I don’t know why, but I’m over it. Suddenly after I turned 11 she just has this constant need to argue with me, put me down, or literally do anything just to assume the worst of me or not be happy for me. The issue with that is, she also doesn’t DO anything. My dad does literally EVERYTHING. He cooks, he takes me to school, he picks me up, he takes me to the doctor, he goes to any ceremonies, everything. It’s so bad that some of my friends deliberately avoided bringing up mothers because they thought my dad was a single dad (my mom is hands off my life so I never bring her up and she’s never in a position to meet them). So I feel 10x guilty anytime I want to even go to the grocery store because I know it’s going to fall on my dad alone and I don’t want to make it harder for him when he does a lot already. I can’t go out with any friends, but when I want to do something alone I can’t do it because it’s suspicious that I want to do it alone. Relationships have always been out of the question, the romance isn’t worth the shit show aftermath at home. And as I get older when I see people my age driving, going out, getting piercings, dye jobs, tattoos, doing weekday shifts, relationships, it kind of hits me that I’m literally so behind and have accomplished nothing outside of academics. It’s led to “what’s the point” thoughts which I have to work through alone because just my luck in the eyes of my parents depression and sewerslidal thoughts are diseases. It’s so bad that when my mom (shocker) asked me if I was depressed a few days ago I instantly said no because I knew it was not genuine. It was 100% bait that would’ve turned into a long lecture as to why I’m wrong even though I hate to self diagnose but I honestly think I have been for a while. The constant isolation (not by choice) has gotten terrible to the point where I’m starting to hear shit and see shit when I’m alone and it’s kind of freaking me out. My one and only vice is impulsive spending online because I literally have nothing to look forward to having money for.
My brothers done so much for me. He bought me my first phone, everything. I keep telling myself to just wait until I’m 18 to live life, but I then think I’d still have missed a decent or somewhat normal high school experience. All that alone time gives me the opportunity to learn a lot of random stuff, and I always end up viewed as the “mature” or “smart-experienced-therapist-like” figure (key word figure because I’m NONE of that) in my friendships and it sucks because due to past experiences of opening up to my mom, I have trouble expressing how I feel to others. No im not mature and handling my own, I just have no idea how to talk about my issues/feelings to others in person. Like no I’m not some know it all fortune teller. Sometimes I literally just want to have someone to feel stupid with you know? Like I want to be able to leave my brain at home with someone and not feel like I’m breaking character or something. I hate being told I carry myself maturely, or I’m an old soul or down to earth by people older than me etc. I don’t want to be. I hate being looked at weird or with wide eyes when I laugh, smile, or joke because for some reason people think it’s not “like me”. I don’t even know what to do, or where to start. Everyone thinks I just have shit sorted and just make moves in silence or something when I’m literally in crisis. I feel weird to even cry, ME a 17 year old girl feels like it’s a crime to cry infront of anyone. None of my friends have ever seen me cry. And I almost did once infront of two of them because of a really bad moment of clarity that my life sucks. They just stared at me like I was some specimen because they didn’t know I was capable of crying I guess? If anyone even reads this I don’t even know what to do. I don’t even know if I make any sense. And I read this over and edited it in less detail because I think my feelings are corny and it sounds stupid and ik that’s my problem even on Reddit UGH.
And disclaimer, no I am not a danger to myself or anyone else, I’m not itching to kick the bucket it’s just a big “ugh” moment.

Hello. I really need advice. support. opinions. anything, ill take it.
I (29f) am totally lost.
My significant other 30m and I are going through it. We have been together 5 years and have worked thorough a lot of things together that we probably should have just gone to therapy for but we grew, and I'm so thankful for that and proud tbh. My issue is however, that he has a very addictive personality and it effects his personal growth and ambition in life. He is addicted to nicotine, was as addicted as you can be to smoking weed in high school + a few years after, he had an issue with watching porn for a while in excess, and drinks alcohol though, not excessively.
The alcohol thing is where i need to explain. Its not how much he drinks, its how many consecutive days he drinks, even if its just one or 2 drinks a night. His brain chemistry changes. i'm no scientist but i know it effects his brain. He doesn't get black out drunk by any means. But after 3 days of having 1 or 2/3 drinks after work he is less able to control his emotions, less able to be rational during arguments or discussions. Less compassionate, less present, this list goes on and on yall.
This has been a topic of discussion for years. more than once he's committed to being sober ( although it obviously didn't stick) so he is aware that he'd probably be better off. Us as a couple sure as hell would and he knows that!
We have had had bigger issues in the past with his drinking and he cut back quite a lot. Like previously stated, he usually has 1 or 2 (maybe 3 if I'm thinking about it) beers or drinks or whatever is in the fridge a night. he will do this for three nights then skip two. then three again then skip 3 then 4 nights in a row then skip two...that sort of pattern,
Cutting back isn't going to cut it, with what I've had to deal with and learned about how he functions even with small amounts of alcohol periodically were not going to stop having issues until he just stops altogether.
He grew up with alcohol all around him. its normal in his family to have a beer rain or shine. Drinking is for sure linked to "manliness" in his family. Addiction also runs rampant in his family as well, but drinking is just so normalized none of them would ever think to try the sober route in life. I on the other hand could give a shit less about drinking anymore and hardly drink.
His drinking is honestly effecting his ambitions. More often I find myself feeling like his mom, encouraging him to work on his career, reminding him that if i can find time to do my school work he can find time to do his computer programming certificate thing ( that I honestly don't think he will ever finish)
We are both late bloomers. Except once I figured out what I wanted to do with my life I shot out of the gate like a race horse. And I was chomping at the bit for years trying to figure it out! Reading blogs, buying books, joining groups etc etc. I started going to school. 3 quarters in, Deans list every quarter. I started building a brand. I have all these side projects and I'm so excited for my days off so I can work on those side projects. Him on the other hand.....yeah I just wouldn't describe him as excited about anything in life. Or ambitious.... I'm tearing up writing that but its true
He is such a hard worker when it comes to the jobs he's had. He is such a loving understanding boyfriend ( 60 percent of the time unfortunately, and it pains me to admit that to myself). I love him dearly and he loves me dearly also. He is literally my best friend and I'm his. I am just so sad that 40 percent of the time I have to deal with someone I don't love because of something so stupid as alcohol. And I'm so upset he wont just stop casually drinking even though he can clearly see it effects him and our relationship so much.
Am i wrong to think that one day he's going to grow up and stop drinking and be the perfect man? Should I just accept him for the 60 percent of the time I'm happy, and love him with his flaws the other 40% of the time? Should I end this? did i out grow him? I'm lost. I'm sad. i don't want to lose my best friend.

I’ve came across so many sub reddits about the topic of Sammi and Jennie and it INFURIATES me how majority of people are team Sammie/ give excuses for her shitty behavior??? It was made CLEAR in the season 1 reunion that Sam was insecure about Jenni bc her and Ron had an initial attraction to each other. This was proven in season 2; when the whole note situation went down. I think everyone collectively agrees that Sam was dumb ASF for taking Ron’s side and turning on the girls the way she did even tho the note was a stupid idea. Nobody disagrees with that.
But for some reason, I’ve seen so many people pick and choose Jenni’s quotes within the show to push a narrative that Jenni always wanted Ron, that she never liked Sammie, and so forth to explain why Sammie made TEMPORARY amends with Snooki. Like no. Let’s be fr for a second. Sammie was a stuck up asshole from season 1. Like when Snooki got belligerently drunk in episode 1 and thew up. The next day Sammie was like “I don’t want your pukey breath on me.” Like girl what? What are we in middle school? Her being referred to as “Sammi Sweetheart” is an oxymoron tbh.
Jenni NEVER gave me stuck up vibes. She never gave me fake vibes, and was always VERY transparent about her feelings and opinions of others. I mean she only knew Snooki for like a few weeks and defended her against another girl at a club who was calling SNOOKI fat?? Idk why people were acting like Jenni wasn’t a girls girl? When Sammie was a guys girl through and through. Ron could murder someone and she’d defend him. And don’t even get me started on how horrible she was to Deena and the NASTY things she’d say about Jenni (which only further proves my point on how jealous of Jenni she was.)
I still have a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to Sammie. Jennie was my favorite in the earlier seasons so I guess I’m biased. But I just don’t get how people have managed to view Jennie as the villain?
Also: Not team Ron. He is the DEVIL. I feel like him and Sam were the worst people in the show.

(This is my first post and probably a very stupid one but hear me out)
If the source code for Half-Life 2 has been leaked and stuff and source games have been able to be ported to Mobile thanks to a Source engine version or something like that for the Nvidia Shield which also got leaked wouldn't that mean that you can modify it like it happened with Half-Life 1 VR so you can play it in the Standalone Quest 2.
The Quest is just a fancy powerful phone and I doubt it can't run Half Life so why hasn't this been done or tried before?

I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years a couple weeks ago & although we still hang out sometimes and talk I feel weird for not feeling anything towards the situation. I feel sad to let him go sometimes, but I realize nothing has changed in 3 years and I don’t think I can be with him anymore. I know it is soon, but I keep getting the urge to go on stupid dating apps & meet new people, not for a rebound but just because I feel over it. I forgave & forgave & forgave to the point where I can’t forgive him anymore so I feel like something is wrong for me to not be upset. I kept forgiving him for saying mean stuff to me & I cannot anymore but he still wants to be together & “change” but I feel like I took the “go back till you feel nothing” too seriously. I feel like going on an app is cheating though because he was my first & only relationship. (16-19) I know I am young & this is a stupid post but should I go on the apps or not? Someone help me out! Lol

Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road
With the coming of morning Rene found the earth enwreathed in a grey and sinuous fog that was so thick he felt like he was standing on the shores of an ocean of sky. Only the lapping edges of the wide pond he had located was visible beneath rolling tails of mist. He couldn’t even tell where the heavens ended and the water began—they had all joined together at the waist in one vague mass. It all had filthy, sooty smell to it too, like the inside of a baker’s oven. As through a clouded window pane he saw a red and malevolent haze glowing on faraway slopes to the southeast. Zildiz noted his bewilderment and taunted him:
“Don’t you recognized your own handiwork when you see it? An entire biome went up in smoke because of the Engine’s rampage. Not that I mind—all this is Leaper territory after all.”
“Cry me a river,” Rene scowled, dipping his boots into pond and wading into it. It was only knee height at the deepest point. What’s more, he could see the blurred outlines of small darting shapes below the surface that he hoped were fish.
He made Zildiz sit with her back against a sapling and bound her to it with the spool of webbing he’d collected.
“Don’t get any ideas,” he told her. He slipped off his boots and raggedy socks, rolling up the jumpsuit around his calves and getting back into the water.
At first he tried to get at the fishes with his bare hands. It would be just as easy as catching the milky cave species they raise in the aquaculture ponds back in Ulysses, he thought. All one had to do was slip one’s hand in with glacial patience so as not to disturb them, dipping the palm right under their bellies. Rene had gotten so good at it as a boy that he could even tickle them right in the gills and under the chin. But he soon discovered that the fish on the surface world were nothing like their subterranean cousins. For one thing, they weren’t blind, or stupid. The little rascals fled when he floundered after them, feet slipping on the mossy stones that covered the pond bed. Zildiz looked on with interest as the single worst attempt at hunting she had ever had the misfortune to witness began. This Rene-creature was as clumsy as it was slow-witted, splashing around in fruitless pursuit of its feeble prey. How had these animals ever managed to conquer the stars? Zildiz watched as Rene stubbed his toes on a sharp rock and howled, falling arse-backwards and losing his visor in the process. He then painstakingly dredged the pond bottom for it, turning it up some time later all covered in water lilies and mud. Rene angrily slung his backpack back on and cleared the gunk out of his mask before fitting it back on his face, only to begin yelling as a river crab he’d left inside tried to crawl up his nose. He tore the mask off again and doused it in the pond, finally ridding himself of the curious crustacean.
“Phew!” he sighed with relief.
“Toss it in again,” Zildiz suggested gaily, “At least that way you might catch another.”
“Shut up,” Rene glowered, face going purple with rage. He grabbed the biggest stick of driftwood he could find and began beating the surface of the water as if it owed him money.
Zildiz hid a smile at that. She was famished and events had definitely taken a turn for the worse, but at least someone else was suffering more than she was.
And while this halfwit is preoccupied, Zildiz schemed, I’ll go ahead and signal the god for help. She activated the magnetosynaptic organ behind her inner ear and tried all the usual frequencies.
Nothing but static. Either her organ had been knocked out of commission with the loss of her exomorph’s functions, or the heavy smog caused by the wildfire was getting in the way of reception.
But more than this, a greater part of the Vitalus would be preoccupied with containing the damage to its work. As a shared consciousness It had unimaginable processing power, yet It tended to deal with the world in a holistic fashion, neglecting the individual elements. This did not mean that the god could not be effectively omniscient—It merely had a wholly different perspective and hierarchy of priorities than did Its mortal servants.
For problems on the micro scale, it did however deploy Hollowores or other Inkarnids. Zildiz wasn’t vain enough to think it would send such an avatar of creation and destruction just to retrieve one lone Gallivant. No help would be forthcoming for a while. No matter; she was certain that she could outsmart the Fleet-man soon enough.
Then something happened which drastically altered her perception of him and his kind. Rene grabbed another stick and banged the two pieces together, frowning with concentration. Without a word he returned to the survival kit and combined them with the spool of webbing, twisting them together into the silk and rotating them to create something that was greater than the sum of its parts.
Grinning evilly, the Fleet man took the two sticks and the webbing strung between them and gently lowered them into the pond. He then waited, tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth as a fish approached him. When it refused to come any closer, he took one of the white cubes and crumbled it into pieces, which he sprinkled liberally into the water right above his new tool. Eventually the fish took the bait and swam in for a nibble. In a flash Rene pulled up the net and held up a wriggling, pinknosed carp with an ecstatic cry of victory. Chuckling at his own cleverness, Rene hauled his catch to the bank and dashed its brains out on the rocks. He then repeated the process until he caught three more carp with the exact same method. He gutted and descaled the carp with his clasp knife in a trice.
Zildiz was seeing the boundless cunning of these creatures firsthand. It bothered her more than she cared to admit. Granted, if her exomorph was up and running she could’ve killed him in a heartbeat, humming sword or not. But the rate at which he had adapted to his surroundings was concerning.
For comparison, say a Gallivant wished to specialize in the catching of fish. It would have had to ask the Vitalus to edit its gilt helix so that its exomorph could accept the grafting of an appendage designed solely to catch fish. This was assuming the Vitalus had calculated that the addition of this new capability would not lead to the eventual collapse of the riverine ecosystem in the next ten or twenty generations, or that the Gallivant in question could be entrusted with such a responsibility, assuming that its lineage’s previous contributions to the Great Game rendered it worthy of the sudden advantage.
Meanwhile, Rene had developed the net tool in less than the span of an hour, with absolutely zero regard for the consequences of his actions. Zildiz could only imagine what an entire nation of Renes could do if they were given time to multiply beyond Arachnea’s carrying capacity. Clearly this Fleet was a threat not to be taken lightly.
Rene finished cleaning the fish and skewered them on sharp sticks. He then found some pebbles and started banging them together to produce sparks above a pile of bark scrapings and twigs, careful placing one of the brown lumps from the kit inside. It was just as successful as his first attempts at fishing; he smacked the rocks together until he bruised his fingers, then hurled them cursing into the fog.
“Sonofa…” he swore, squatting next to Zildiz and looking at the raw fish dejectedly.
“What, you can manage all that but can’t get a fire going?” she asked, nodding at the blaze in the distance. Rene made no reply, too busy sucking on his thumb. Suddenly he unsheathed the sword and Zildiz nearly panicked, thinking that she had finally annoyed him to the point of violence. Instead, Rene picked up a chunk of quartz crystal off the ground and cut it in half, producing a shower of sparks as the edge met the mineral. Rene piled the fuel again and repeated the trick with the sword and the stone until the tinder caught and tiny streamers of smoke wafted up. Cupping his hands around the precious heart of flame, Rene blew on it lovingly and smiled as it grew into a merry, crackling cookfire.
Making sure to give Zildiz a smug look, Rene sat cross-legged next to it and began to barbeque his meal. Zildiz had built fires herself during the cold monsoon seasons as a special allowance granted by the Vitalus for extreme weather fluctuations, but those had been for warmth, not to burn food with.
The smell of the browning fish skin flooded Rene’s mouth with spit. He saw Zildiz licking her chops unconsciously, said:
“Don’t worry. You’ll get yours.”
Sure enough he held out first batch of carp for her to eat, blowing on it to cool it. Zildiz even forgot her hostility for a moment as she seized the fish with her jaws.
“I can feed myself, you know,” she told him between crunchy mouthfuls of bone and white flesh. It was delicious! An explosion of flavors that was at once both salty and slightly burnt, the meat firm yet succulent. Swallowing greedily, she pulled the fish off its stick and ate it whole, the fish’s head crackling under her molars. Rene watched her choke the thing down with a mix of amazement and alarm, then replied:
“I would consider giving you an arm free to eat with, but you’re a walking arsenal, lady. Is it good, though? My cooking?”
“Passable,” Zildiz lied with a shrug of her shoulders. Her affected disdain did not stop her from giving the rest of the carp a longing look. Rene knew she was hungry and tore the next fish in half, gorging himself and giving Zildiz the rest. Very soon all that was left of their breakfast was a pile of bones and scales that Rene kicked back into the pond. He sat back and propped his bare feet next to the fire to dry his toes.
“Uuurrpp!” Zildiz belched appreciatively.
“Bless you,” Rene commented, and settled down for a nap. He could only rest his eyes for a moment, as the woman would slit his throat as soon as he let his guard down. But the fatigue of the constant marching and fighting amassed on the edges of his consciousness. Slowly but surely, he was pulled down into the untroubled realm of sleep, free from the cares of his existence.
Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road

i think the only reason i still long to be with you, i still long to call you mine, is because youre familiar.
i know you. i know how things will go with you, its easy because im so used to the way you are, your mean jokes, the way you can go from joking to cruel within seconds but always come back. youre predictable. i know you. its easy to be with someone when you know their patterns.
im scared to be with someone new im scared to be treated right and i know that sounds stupid but i am. ive only ever been treated like a body or a punching bag for jokes about my appearance or interests. ive never been treated kindly in a romantic sense, nobodies ever made sure i was okay with sending things, when ive said no all i was met with was begging or “when”. it was never understanding or wanting to understand why things are the way they are for me. im scared to have that because what do i do? what WILL i do.
im overbearing in the sense of needing reassurance. i get jealous easy, i overanalyze, i get upset and clingy, i isolate. i do so many things that so many people cant handle and i dont know what i would do if i met someone who loved me and wanted to understand and wanted to be with me despite my destructive ways of thinking and my impulsive behaviors.
i self sabotage, i self harm in all the ways there are. at the end of the day, you’ve made me believe i dont deserve to be with anyone kind.
at the end of the day id rather be with you then someone who actually loves me and thats what upsets me the most.

I’m a sophomore in highschool and I’m genuinly embarassed to not be one of the popular girls. I feel nauseas and fomo everytime i see them posting pictures and hanging out and i feel like an outsider or ghetto because they seem to always give me dirty looks and hate me. i know this sounds stupid but i’m afraid that this means i’m gonna die alone and end up with no friends since the guys at my school mainly like the popular girls. I’m just scared that there will always be popular girls in life who will always judge me, i just wish i was one of them. my grades aren’t the best and they seem so perfect and it makes me wonder if there’s something wrong with me. i’m scared that this is forshadowing my friendships in life and i’m scared that i won’t ever have a big friend group since i’m not one of them. are they always gonna be this cool in life? are they gonna be the most successful?

https://www.reddit.com/bisexual/s/8khIfjEO9WI
Ok... I'm stupid, I just accepted a date from a guy again without realizing it was a date.
I mean, it's too stupid that this isn't even the first time it's happened to me.
Seriously, I don't understand how I went from talking to just anyone and there's a good chance I accidentally ended up on a date.
The strange thing is that I'm not talking about any type of person, I'm talking about easy 8-9/10 guys.
The topic came up with my parents...
Looks like I'm not the only one this happens to.
Almost all the men on my paternal side experience the same thing, not to the point of accidental dates but to the point of receiving constant flirtations hoping for something reciprocal.
And can I just say, as stupid/surprising as it sounds, it's weird to hear your family say that apparently everyone in the family has a "bi vibe."
And it's even more ironic that everyone in my family is straight, yet everyone has at least 3 stories like that.
But I'm not going to lie, there have been times when in the middle of the "date" I got carried away and enjoyed it a little, at least that way I meet many more people.
So yeah... Apparently I have a "magnet" for cute guys (cis and non-cis)