Living with ankles chained together

Do your tastes in fiction run a bit darker than most? Do you find yourself rooting for the bad guys in movies? Do you enjoy a good tragedy over a happy ending? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, this post is for you.
If you're anything like me, you've probably found yourself chasing the Abercrombie dragon after completing The First Law, standalones, and The Age of Madness trilogy, only to find that nothing else quite scratches that grimdark itch. Whether it's Joe's unforgettable characters, sharp dialogues, or epic battles, there's just something missing from other offerings in the genre.
So, as a thanks to all the authors of various recommendation threads from which I've picked up some wonderful books, I've put together this list to share where my wanderings have taken me and to hopefully point others like me in the right direction.
In no particular order:

1. Assassin's Apprentice - Robin Hobb (fb: Royal Assassin, Assassin's Quest)
2. Dune - Frank Herbert (fb: Dune Messiah, Children of Dune, God Emperor of Dune...)
3. The Road - Cormac McCarthy
4. Blood Meridian - Cormac McCarthy
5. The Shadow of the Torturer - Gene Wolf (fb: The Claw of the Conciliator, The Sword of the Lictor, The Citadel of the Autarch)
6. The Black Company - Glen Cook (fb: Shadows Linger, The White Rose, Shadow Games, Dreams of Steel, The Silver Spike, Bleak Seasons, She Is the Darkness, Water Sleeps, Soldiers Live...)
7. Heroes Die - Matthew Stover (fb: Blade of Tyshalle)
8. Theft of Swords - Michael J. Sullivan (fb: Rise of Empire, Heir of Novron)
9. The Darkness That Comes Before - R. Scott Bakker (fb: The Warrior Prophet, The Thousandfold Thought, The Judging Eye, The White-Luck Warrior, The Great Ordeal, The Unholy Consult)
10. Prince of Thorns - Mark Lawrence (fb: King of Thorns, Emperor of Thorns)
11. Gardens of the Moon - Steven Erikson (fb: Deadhouse Gates, Memories of Ice, House of Chains, Midnight Tides, The Bonehunters, Reaper's Gale, Toll the Hounds, Dust of Dreams, The Crippled God)
12. Blood Song - Anthony Ryan (fb: Tower Lord, Queen of Fire)
13. Metro 2033 - Dmitry Glukhovsky (fb: Metro 2034, Metro 2035)
14. Red Rising - Pierce Brown (fb: Golden Son, Morning Star, Iron Gold, Dark Age, Lightbringer...)
15. The Winter King - Bernard Cornwell (fb: Enemy of God, Excalibur)
16. The Traitor Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson (fb: The Monster Baru Cormorant, The Tyrant Baru Cormorant...)
17. Horus Rising - Dan Abnett (fb: False Gods, Galaxy in Flames)
18. Xenos - Dan Abnett (fb: Malleus, Hereticus, Ravenor...)
19. Red Sister - Mark Lawrence (fb: Grey Sister, Holy Sister)
20. The Ember Blade - Chris Wooding (fb: The Shadow Casket)
21. Priest of Bones - Peter McLean (fb: Priest of Lies, Priest of Gallows, Priest of Crowns)
22. The Conspiracy Against the Human Race - Thomas Ligotti (fb: Songs of a Dead Dreamer)
23. Kings of Paradise - Richard Nell (fb: Kings of Ash, Kings of Heavan)
24. Empire of Silence - Christopher Ruocchio (fb: Howling Dark, Demon in White, Kingdoms of Death, Ashes of Man, Disquiet Gods)
25. We Are the Dead - Mike Shackle (fb: A Fool's Hope, Until the Last)
26. The Black Prism - Brent Weeks (fb: The Blinding Knife, The Broken Eye, The Blood Mirror, The Burning White)
27. Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City - K.J. Parker (fb: How to Rule an Empire and Get Away with It, Practical Guide to Conquering the World)
28. Blackwing - Ed McDonald (fb: Ravencry, Crowfall)
29. A Game of Thrones - George R. R. Martin (fb: A Clash of Kings, A Storm of Swords, A Feast for Crows, A Dance with Dragons...)
30. The Way of Shadows - Brent Weeks (fb: Shadow's Edge, Beyond the Shadows)
31. Chasing Graves - Ben Galley (fb: Grim Solace, Breaking Chaos)
32. Soul Hunter - Aaron Dembski-Bowden (fb: Blood Reaver, Void Stalker)
33. Berserk - Kentaro Miura
34. Beyond Redemption - Michael R. Fletcher (fb: The Mirror's Truth, Swarm and Steel)
35. The Warded Man - Peter V. Brett (fb: The Desert Spear, The Daylight War, The Skull Throne, The Core)
36. The Barrow - Mark Smylie (fb: Black Heart)
37. Winterbirth - Brian Ruckley (fb: Bloodheir, Fall of Thanes)
38. Scourge of the Betrayer - Jeff Salyards (fb: Veil of the Deserters, Chains of the Heretic)

If you enjoyed this list, please drop some recommendations! I'm always hunting for more quality grimdark.

Throw away account, just venting to the world.
TLDR; I got married Wednesday she broke up with me Saturday.
sorry for the long read, but here we go. I met this girl 22 years ago and we dated for about 2 years. We were young and both a little high drama. Things ended but we had both thought about each other throughout the years and reconnected 12 years ago.
She had married and was going though a divorce at the time, and I was living across the state. Long distance relationships did not work well for us, so we parted ways after dating for about 6 months.
About 8 months ago we reconnected. We really clicked well together but she was married and had a 10 year old child. We were living in different states and continued our discussions and I was amazed that she was still in love with me over the years, as I was with her. One thing lead to another and she filed for divorce with joint custody of the child. We settled into a place together, I was known as a roommate to the child, and we kept our relationship a secret to allow the divorce wounds to heal. There were some growing pains initially adapting to a new life together, recently she asked the child if it was ok for us to date, which permission was granted. I really felt like I was bonding with both of them so well. I really tried hard to provide a great environment to foster a new child’s relationship and have fun with it. This leads up to what happened this week.
We headed out of town for an elopement of just her and I alone. The trip went well, we got our little ceremony done and the license notarized. We were having a great time together and I was looking forward to spending the rest of my life with the love of my life. We got back into town Thursday evening since she had an obligation for the child (ex husband was there). We agreed to go turn in the paperwork at the courthouse next week. For those 3 days I was beside myself in happiness. This morning, she sat me down to have a chat that she did not feel right about the wedding and that she wanted to move out. It was the gut punch from hell…out of nowhere. I am physically, emotionally and mentally reeling.
When I asked the reasons behind the decision, she said she had guilt about bringing the child into our situation, and wanted time to heal that side. When I asked why this was not brought up PRIOR to the wedding, she snipped and said I should had known this, which I did recognize and was making every effort to mitigate. She says her decision is final. I wish this would had been all hashed out before what seemed to be the happiest day of my life so far.
anyways thanks for letting me vent, best wishes to all.

I 20F met my friend 19F in Elementary school and have been friends for several years(around nine/ten). When we met we were wonderful friends and always got along with one another. It was just the two of us and we had constant sleepovers along with small playdates. We were considered the weird girls in all of our classes for our quirky behaviors.
When middle school came, we didn't have lunch or classes together, but we continued to keep in contact and consistently had sleepovers despite the lack of in person interactions at school. She met a guy during the first year of middle school, making friends with him. He's a great guy and I don't blame him for anything. He's chill and wouldn't hurt a fly. Upon the second year of middle school, would I get to have lunch with her(due to a transfer).
This would be when I finally got to meet her new friend and we all got along fairly well. I would never complain about the friendship. We all loved talking and messing around with each other. We never had any fights, no one ever felt left out, or anything like that. I had to fight off jerks from bothering them, but between all of us...it was civil.
A few years later, after highschool when we all are getting jobs and making a living for ourselves that's when things started to feel more dull and forced. I was suspicious that those two would get in a relationship and leave me out. To my fear, I got a text the very day I was talking to my older brother about my suspensions. I learned that they started to date through text.
After they got together, she wouldn't go anywhere without him and sleepovers began to get more complicated. Everytime they both came over for our sleepovers I would have a hard time trying to please both of them. Normally I would ask about what they'd like to do or what they wanted to talk about just to make sure we are all included. There were a few times that he and I would have great conversations together since we share a passion for art. She doesn’t do art and doesn't join the conversations because of this. In turn she started to feel left out during these conversations. I do my best to try and include her in the conversations even if it isn't something she's into.
There have been several times we all are playing multiplayer games with one another just for her to get off and go onto her phone. I notice this majority of the time and ask her if everything's okay. Normally she shrugs it off and tells me that she's bored. This is her feeling left out and I only know this since her boyfriend told me after the sleepover. I have a hard time reading people and with me asking is my way of trying to understand another person.
Even after making sure my friends throughout the years know I'm aromantic, I was shocked when he sent me a strange question. After one of the sleepovers, I mostly talked with him since she shut herself out and wasn't responding to me. Figuring she wanted to be left alone, I wasn't going to poke the bear and left her to her phone activities. Because I decided to do this, he asked me through text if I was jealous and had a crush on him? This question took me back, since I've stressed I'm unable to romantically get attached to people. I told him no and that I tried talking to her but she didn't want to talk to me in return. This is why I talked to him more than her.
We all made plans to go out together to the next city to visit a store we all wanted to go to. Upon rolling around, I get a text saying they already went without me and got a few things(attached with a picture). When I got this text, it all hit me and I felt as if our friendship was bound to crash into flames. They ditched out on me not even a week before and made the snarky comment 'since we already went, but we can still go.' I decided I wasn't going to go with them to the event since it was supposed to be the first time with us all. We waited six months for him to turn 18 so he could come with us just for them to go without me.
I felt like I've done everything to try and ease our friendships back together..but It all feels unstable.

A magus cannot rest, even in the rain.
The barrage hammering his umbrella only distracted him for a moment from the bitter cold that misted his breath. Around him, the decent people of the world took shelter, seeking the warmth of cafes and restaurants until the worst of the deluge passed. Those unlucky enough to be stuck outside huddled beneath umbrellas, newspapers, or a hood. But even in the heated stores and restaurants, fear reigned. People stole nervous glances up from their phones, scanning the streets for a quick moment before looking back down. They hugged their coats tight; parents gripped their children’s hands to keep them from running into some alley they would never return from. There was no question: something besides rain weighed on the city. This wave of “incidents'' had claimed multiple lives and left the police at a loss. But who could blame them? The duty of resolving these incidents lay on the master's clan. The Ritual required the blood of heroes, not of innocents, and he would not allow such to be spilled on his watch.
“This way, Master,” his Servant murmured. She walked a little ahead of him, hidden beneath a heavy yellow raincoat. It had taken some convincing to get her to conceal herself; she refused to shed her armor even in public… which meant that people would be taking pictures wherever they went. The coat, at least, would hide this stranger from the eyes of ordinary people. What it could not hide – even from the back – was the aura of raw determination that radiated from her. He could imagine her face on the other side: a strict, cold stare that withered injustice at a glance.
He gave a soft murmur of approval before following her away from the main thoroughfares, toward the docks and warehouses that dominated the coast. The dock district was the epicenter of the “incidents” – and no surprise. Dark, oppressive, and cramped, this urban snarl promised a well-hidden warren for vermin to hide in, as well as an excellent hunting ground. Drunk sailors and longshoremen made easy prey, to say nothing of the odd out of towner who got lost around here. They all had been devoured for mana. To involve sleepwalkers in the matters of magi violated all principles of honor and decency, and to him fell the duty of executing the culprit.
Thus, they walked onto the predator’s turf. Their logic was simple: the fastest way to deal with an ambush is to spring it. A stalking predator only emerges from the underbrush when it thinks it has the upper hand. The question then, is whether they had prepared enough to compensate for this home-field advantage. Crossing into the maze, though, the young Master wondered whether any plan would be enough. It was almost pitch black beneath the thick rainclouds; shining signs and windows cast thin lines of light along the alleyways and roads, glinting on the water choking storm drains. There could be anything hiding in these blind alleys and derelict buildings; each one could hide a coiled serpent. The damp air felt thick enough to chew.
A moment later he walked right into his servant’s back. She’d drawn up short, dropping into a martial posture.
“Close?” he murmured.
“Very.”
The scent of the enemy led them to a dark back alley. A pile of garbage in a rusted dumpster decomposed beneath a rat king's tangle of wires above, a snarled mess that – in theory – powered this building as well as several others by stealing power and internet. The Master stole a glimpse over his shoulder at the road beyond the alley's mouth. Still save the rain. When he glanced back, a pulse of mana turned his servant's blade red hot; it melted through the padlock with one clean slice. As the chain splashed to the ground, hissing in a puddle, she edged the warehouse's door open with raised sword. As they entered the offices in the back of the warehouse, the smell hit him: sickly sweet, nauseating. Mana. The predator lurked nearby. They had reached its den.
As they walked through the rear offices, the miasma only grew thicker. Lights were off, and while his Servant could see with her reinforced senses, he could only make out shapes in the murk, broken up by the occasional beam of neon light cutting through a window. The long linoleum floor stretched out forever between rows of mold-gnawed cubicles. Sweat beaded on his brow. Every footstep sounded like a thunderclap in the cavernous silence. As the offices ended, they faced another door – this one leading out onto the floor. Here, the fog of disease grew thickest. His servant shared a momentary glance with him before she eased it open.
The creak of the unoiled hinge was like a scream. His blood ran cold.
He had heard that a certain magus had arrived in the city to participate in the Rite of the Holy Grail. They called him the Mycoidist: his research had given him mastery of a parasitic fungus that would seize control of its victim, leaving them an empty husk he alone controlled. Now he saw that grizzly work firsthand: cordyceps-infested victims glistening with sporelike structures. Nothing human remained of them: they ambled around the room, obeying their master like machines. It was, perversely, the ideal magic for the Ritual: they had no need of their souls, so the Servant could feed on them with impunity, leaving empty husks for the master to use. The young magus murmured a few words to increase the weight of the invisible spores around him, dragging them to the ground; they would not reach his lungs. His servant had her own defenses –
Not that she would tolerate such injustice for long.
She sprung forward, blade flashing through the air. The cordyceps rushed forward to meet her, giving a gutteral, abhuman howls that echoed in the rafters. The master raised his hand, crest on the back of his hand shining a brilliant blue-green in the low light. In answer to his incantation, several metal pipes ripped themselves out of the wall. It felt like a crude use for ten centuries of his family's research into magecraft, but undeniably gravity had many applications. For example: turning rebar into javelins flying at eighty miles an hour. True enough that the fungal horrors did not die easily, but each spear would stake one to the nearest surface, leaving them trapped. They had almost cleared the room when –
“MASTER!” she snapped . He barely had time to react before she shoved him aside, throwing him to the ground with a soft grunt. A split second later, the enemy Servant's blade split the air where he’d stood. A clash of steel, a burst of sparks: his partner deflected the strike sending her opponent flying away. “Stay close, master. I cannot guarantee your–”
He couldn’t sense an Assassin’s aura – no mortal could. But he didn’t need to, not one he had spotted a softer target. For a split second, his crest pulsed as he reduced the hold of gravity on his body. For all those around them, it looked like an impossible burst of speed as he headed for the front exit. “Keep him off my back! I’ll hunt his master.”
His servant had no time to answer before Assassin erupted from the shadow, poisoned dagger whistling through the air. As the servants fought a hypersonic duel behind him, he followed the faint presence of the heretic through the open cargo bay doors, bursting back out into the rain. Dozens of infected longshoremen wandered there, the spores even growing on a stacked labyrinth of crates. The Mycoidist leapt up onto a nearby crane, one foot planted high on the metal beams.
“Well, well. You seek the hunter in his den!” His raspy voice betrayed decades of self-serving evil. “I can’t begrudge you your courage, but… how does the old saying go… discretion is the better part of valor?”
The cordyceps froze, only to turn on the young master in unison. Must be two dozen, at least. This horror explained the disappearances at least – each one was a human being, a living person that the master had failed to protect.
His teeth ground. “You’re a madman who’s betrayed every principle of a Mage's honor, to say nothing of your humanity. Spare me your advice."
“Such righteousness…! Your family’s legacy is famous but… I’m afraid… it ends here, with you. You and your crest will be put to work in my service, oh magus of gravity, but… my, my, what is this?”
All around the young master, that spectral blue-green light shined like a vicious halo. He seized any projectile he could: the metal of a torn-out downspout from a nearby building, pipes ripped from the ground and walls, the metal prods from a forklift. At its full potential, his sorcery could control dozens of objects.
“This land is the grave of countless mages,” the young master hissed. “Time for you to join them.”
The steel hail fell.
I hope you enjoyed this (rather long) introduction – and to be clear, it’s more a tone piece than a starter. (Though, if you wish to build on those characters/that situation, I don’t mind!)
The classic Fate/stay night games and shows have always been favorites of mine. It’s simply one of the greatest weeb high concepts ever: seven modern mages summon seven heroes of history and myth to fight to the death for the wish-granting power of the Holy Grail. Only one pair can survive and claim the prize – but often at a terrible cost to themselves, their values, and those they love. To secure the loyalty of their servants, each master possesses three command seals: spells they can use to issue absolute commands – even impossible ones – to their partners. What ensues is a brutal war to the death, as they stalk each other through a vicious urban jungle. Alliances shift, ideals clash, characters are tested – It’s the kind of high concept that makes you jealous you didn’t come up with it! It also practically begs to be expanded: the system invites making up new Servants, Masters, and settings.
So, now with some more Fate coming out (still early in Samurai Remnant!, I thought I’d return to RPing for it. In particular, I want to go back to basics: I want to come up with a pair of characters, Master and Servant, and put them through hell as they try to win the war and fulfill their wishes. This would harken back to the tone of the original, so I’ll say up front to expect this RP to have some fairly dark content, like horror, sex, violence, gore, civilian death, all that good stuff. I’m a proud authorial sadist: I like to put my characters through hell to find out who they really are. However, I want to juxtapose that heaviness with moments of fun and joy. A romance would be great – Shirou and Saber's starcrossed love has lived rent-free in my head for over a decade.
Beyond that, I am open to both canon characters and OCs, but I do not double. If you're playing a canon, it should be because you want to, not as a transaction. I'm also open to both canon settings and experimental ones, making our own little alternative universe, tweaking the rules, and so on. Really, my main requirement is that I'm looking for something that hews close to the tone of early Fate, especially Fate/Zero. I want grimy streets, ruthless mages, heroes out of time whose blades flash brilliantly against the concrete backdrop. I want melodramatic debates about the nature of heroism, the price of kingship, and the possibility of justice. I want One Last Night whiled away together before the dawn separates the lovers. I want horrors both eldritch and manmade, and I want to really see what makes these characters tick.
A few words about writing style. Lately, I have drifted toward a "lazy lit" style where I do write long posts when necessary like opening the RP or a scene, but keep it snappy and short for most posts. I find this keeps the plot moving along at a good clip; responses come faster when they don't have to be five paragraphs long.
One last note: I have nothing against it, but I’m not familiar with Grand Order or its offshoots. If a character or concept from Grand Order inspires you, by all means pitch me on 'em, but be ready to adapt them to the tone and setting I’ve described.
To summarize:

• I want a classic Grail War scenario: Seven masters each summon a Servant from the past to battle for the Holy Grail.
• I don’t need our RP to take place in any official setting. We can use some alternate world, an original world, some ridiculous fandom crossover, or any mix thereof.
• I'm fine with OCs, canon characters, and any combination thereof, but I don't care for doubling.
• I expect a fairly dark, serious tone broken up by lighter moments.
• Be prepared for NSFW and horror content.
• A strong masteservant relationship. If it’s a romance, I prefer to write the M in M/F relationships.

A little about me:

• 33(ohgod)m, enthusiastic if aging weeb on the West Coast.
• Veteran of both freeform and system-based RP, starting in the heady days of livejournal nearly, oh, fifteen years ago?
• You can gauge my literacy level from the sample above.
• Posting Style: Lazy lit, pretty frequent.
• Friendly OOC. For me, half the fun of RP is meeting people from all different walks of life.

What I need from you:

• To be 21 or older
• To be enthusiastic and communicative
• To add your own ideas to the plot

If you’re interested, shoot me a PM, not a chat. Include:

• Your age, pronouns, time zone, and anything else you’d like me to know about you.
• What you want out of this RP
• An idea for a setting concept or character
• An example of your writing

Hello guys, so I'm sharing my story in hopes I'll find some type of answers or closure. I've been dating this guy for 10 months. I really got to know him in a deeper level ( at least I thought so). When we started dating I was still talking with other guys and so was he . On November was when we decided to just focus on our conection , since we realized we indeed enjoyed each other. On December he asked me to be his girlfriend, there was only one thing between us.. the distance. We decided to do it either way because we where in love and he would always reasure me everything would work out.
Everything was going fine , he would come to our country and I'd visit him to the country where is currently living and working. We'd see each other from month to month. Everything was going amazing, we would video call every single day, we shared the same values, interests and we where pretty much aligned about our future together. The distance was indeed really hard and sometimes I would feel disconnect during the time appart. I always shared my toughts , fears with him , and he would always give me reasurance SO I felt like I could truly relax and enjoy the process I guess, I trusted him like I've trusted in another ex-partner. We felt like we could relax and felt really confortable when we where with each other.
There where only 2 situations I can see that would lead to our break up.. the last time he came to our country I felt sad that the time we we'd share would only be with family and friends, I wanted more "us" time together. He told me that he felt pressure bc he came for a short period and doesnt know how to divide time with everyone. The 2nd situation: I couldnt come to his birthday bc I couldnt get enough days to flight there. He spent 24H partying and I was indeed very happy for him but was expecting to have 10 min to wish him happy birthday properly. I tried 3 times during , and lost the excitment along the way. He called me around 7pm whe he came back home , and even tho I wanted to be really happy I couldn't fake it ... so I told him that I was sad with the situation. The next day we talked about everything and I started to feel a bit insecure and shared that with him. He told me I was almost in his arms again and everything would be okay.
The next weeknd I flew to him. I did something I shouldn´t have done. Whent through his instagram and found really innapropriate conversations with 2 girls on Novemeber. We weren't bf and gf by that time. I told him about what I saw and during that conversation he broke up with me... I dind't see that coming at all.
He told me that he have been thinking about it lately and was waiting to see how that weeknd would go to make a decision... the thing IS.. I DIND'T EVEN KNEW OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS BEING PUT IN QUESTION, he never shared with me his toughts. He gave me different reasons but all seems like excuses... he said that the time appart was rough, that even though we would see each other from month to month that 1 week together only its not enought. He also told me that even if we move in together its not faire for the person who moves , and that as I told him before we would probably have each other there , that his feelings for me where decreasing and our " videocalls" started to lose magic . But he never even shared this with me before, that was something we could have worked on.
After we broke up I still stayed there for one day , he told me that he really enjoyed that moment with me , but for me it was just a normal " us" day so im confused, we messaged after, and he told me that he has been feeling like in burn out that he needs space and time , I know his work was stressfull lately. I know he likes me and like to be with me in person, im just confused. I dont know if is there even a possibility of us coming back one day ... I feel betrayed like I trusted 100% on him and that was took from me in a snap of fingers.

I have been dating my boyfriend for the past year. I have moved every few months getting my career started, and he has moved with me as best he could including some stretches of long distance. Now I finally have stability with a new apartment and a new city, and I let him live here rent free. He makes my house feel like a home by cooking meals and cleaning. I was hoping this would be our happy place. I was encouraged that he would get a job and start settling in like I have and we could have a normal peaceful life.
Unfortunately, there is this recurring problem where he gets angry and "loses it" every few weeks. Our arguments usually devolve into him screaming at me or mocking me which does not make me feel appreciated or respected. He will violate my boundaries when I ask him to calm down or take a step back by escalating or continuing the argument for hours, not allowing me to get alone time or rest. The most recent was I had gotten home form work after a long day, and he accused me of not supporting his career ambitions. He was frustrated and said that I would not move across the country to help him start a career in the same way he did for me. I told him that I am willing to compromise on location up to a certain distance, but that I cannot move locations right now due to my new job. I encouraged him to look at options within our area. The conversation usually devolves with him yelling saying I'm standing in the way of his career goals. After a few hours of him complaining at me for his career path, he then asked me to make him a cocktail and cussed me out when I said we don't have simple syrup. I then tried to explain that I need to relax and unwind before my work the next morning and I asked him to stop yelling and come watch TV with me. He then started mocking my voice and hand gestures, and told me to "F Off". I told him to get out, and he left and slept in his car. We've had this same style of argument every few weeks for a year, usually this same subject, but this was the first time where I really felt I needed to throw him out. There's just too much on the line for me now to let him bring me down. I also worry about when he screams what the neighbors think and what might happen if we start getting noise complaints when he gets out of control. It's like he's a totally different person and he can't regulate what's going on in his head.
I want to evict him because I do not feel like I can have my peace in my own apartment. I also don't feel like I will be able to start a family or marry him because I do not want a lifetime of this negative communication style. In our year together, this has been a recurring argument style with no improvement, and I have suggested couples therapy with no follow through. It's at the point where I just have given up seeing the positive aspects because I feel so disrespected during our arguments. I want to care and find a compassionate forgiving side to this, but I think I've tried enough with enough chances and the other side of me just doesn't care. I've tried to explain my needs and why this is hurtful, but it just feels like a phony tap-dance because he has proven to me he will not treat me with respect when he is angry and never seems to protect my boundaries. My boyfriend isn't on the lease, doesn't know anyone in this state, and isn't yet working a job. For my peace and sanity, am I the asshole for evicting him from my home? I don't imagine the relationship would continue past here either,.. I guess that would be another effect

Hi, I recently broke up with my boyfriend because I discovered he was texting his ex. Just three days ago, I found out he had lived with this same ex for three years, something he only revealed after we had been together for a year.
When I saw her text on his phone, I got really upset and immediately left. Later, I broke up with him. When he asked why, I explained, and he sent me a screenshot of their conversation. It was just casual chatting (talking about the weather, their plans, and so on) while he was with me.
Am I overreacting?

-Violence and shame were a daily occurrence in my home growing up, and it wasn't all directed towards me. The whole family got the business from him. I'd rather not share my mother and older brother's stories, and I'll spare you all the details of the physical stuff. I'm posting this to get it out of my head and see if anyone with a similar experience has found a way to untie these mental knots-
My father used to lock me in a small bedroom for 6 months out of ever year between the ages of 7 and 16. He stripped the room of everything but a bed and only let me out for school.(I was so scared of everyone that I didn't make any friends) Wouldn't even let me see my brother and mom in these months, even though we all lived together. Don't think I ever developed the social skills that I should have in these years. I've been nervous and twitchy my whole life, and never could shake the notion that everyone's human but me. He always told me that I deserved these things for being lazy and dumb but with time it became more clear that he locked me up so he could spend a few months without having to pretend to be a father.
Now I'm much older and looking back I realize that I've wasted my best years hiding from the world and people. And for whatever reason I feel like I'm still locked in that room. It's been almost 20 years. The grief from that alone breaks my heart sometimes.
If he was just a dumb drunk I could forgive him, but the man is a certified genius. He knew better and the effects all this would have. I genuinely feel like my existence is a burden on everyone in my life, even though I'm sure they wouldn't agree.

Before dating my ex for the last 3 years I found out she has bpd, she was with an “abusive” guy and I helped her out then she started liking me, when she left the relationship she was drinking a few beers a night on top of smoking bong daily. Eventually it became problematic because she’d try to drink in my car which could get me in lots of trouble, she got better when I left the first time and went to AA and stopped the minute I came back.. whenever we went places she’d yell at me saying I was looking at girls when I wasn’t, judging me and letting me have no friends who were females, etc.. eventually we went to a festival where she met two old friends her ex knew but they stopped hanging with him, you can tell these people were trash and druggies, about a year later she went bowling with her family and they were there so she went out with them after, I could tell she did coke and lied about it, and those people told her to lie to me to about it, ended up breaking up with her and eventually after her crying I decided we could be friends because she was like, I’ve never seen someone cry this hard but it was bad, we started to be fwb which was okay for a bit until she started hanging around those guys again and some of their friends who were also friends with her ex, needless to say she made rules saying we couldn’t see other people or anything, I ended up hacking her messenger one morning and saw some messages from the main guy I broke up with her over, the guy and his gf that got her back into coke, and they were disgusting like “you looked good naked last night” “come over me and my gf want a 3 sum” and at that point I screenshotted, picked her up and threw it in her face and she cried again and blamed me for hacking her phone and changed every password, we weren’t together but she made rules, she didn’t fuck anyone but she did make out with the guys gf drunk , I believe the non sex thing because the guys like 500 pounds and gross, after that I took her back once more and she said those guys got kicked out of the group for being gross and she was just trying to get the convo to go away (she deleted it) I told her if I didn’t go on her phone I’d of never known and that’s what hurts the most, she would’ve hid it, she said she couldn’t remove them because she’s scared of them being druggies, in all this I have been caring less and less but we tried one more time and this weekend I picked her up from the house to go on a walk, got her dinner and then she wanted beer and weed and spent like half her paycheck in one night on it, I realized me buying her dinner was just letting her buy more drugs, she kinda said the weather was bad and we should go another day all while texting her new best friend a girl coke head who doesn’t work, I got her in crap before because our hangouts are her messaging them non stop, I realized now I can’t help her out of the addictions and need to leave it kkeeps getting worse, shes caring less about me and barely messages me when shes out with them etc, and i need to leave as hard as it is, she lives paycheck to paycheck and her life revolves around going to their house all weekend and doing drugs, all of them are failures and they rent some crap apartment and buy drugs weekly, it hurts to see but I feel it’s easy to leave as she blocked me the last time we fought and now I blocked the only other way we talked, if she unblocks me on insta after this weekend because she’ll be back at home without them, then I will block her, I need to avoid her social media and move on it sucks

So me(23m) and my gf(23f) got together in high school and went to different universities after starting our relationship for 1 year. During the 4 years in university we seldom saw each other because of the covid, like 5-6 times a year at most. We had some quarrels and a short break-up, but somehow managed to keep the relationship. After graduating from Bachelors we went to different countries for Masters (me in 🇸🇪, she in 🇨🇦). There should be at least 2 more years that we have no chance living together. Or more frankly no foreseenable future at all, as I might have a Phd in Europe.
Recently I feel like I don't really understand the feelings of myself. She is my only best-best friend and we, kind of, have figured out how to have a stable relationship without interfering much with each other's life. But that's also where I'm confused. She knows none of my friend and neither do I of hers. We only talk 2 or 3 sentences online each day and 1-2 phone calls every week. We just keep a peaceful relationship but not really engage in each other's lives.
I think I can say I love her and there's no other person know me as she does. We have similar tastes for many things and she is the person that I feel most comfortable talking with. But sometimes I feel like, if she suddenly wants to break up with me, I won't bother her and will quickly move on. There's just no imperative for me to have her in my life for I have been used to live my life without her. But that's maybe also my personality as a person that is always conservative to personal attachment.
Also we are not the kind of people that are desperate for romantic relations and will do everything for partners. We always put priority for ourselves and respect each other's life choices. But that also make me feel like we are just close friends as we both have reserved social lives. Rationally speaking there's not many "benefits" to keep the relationship, but also no reason to terminate it. I'm just stuck in a confusing state...
(Maybe there's someone having similar experiences or maybe it's just myself nattering. But it kinda makes me feel good to write these things at midnight :)

First post
I made a post a while ago about my boyfriend who only likes one perfume of mine, Marc Jacobs - Daisy Love.
Thank you everyone for all the suggestions! I had them all written down, and was looking forward to scheduling a little perfume trip where we could explore our options. Unfortunately, I've been working a bunch, so we haven't been able to do so together.
But he was in France with his family, so I asked him to go to Sephora and smell some of the fragrances you guys suggested. They didn't have many of the brands that were suggested though :/
My bfs fragrance reviews
Narciso Rodriguez - For Her & For Her Musc Noir: "I couldn't smell anything to be honest, I even tried several sprays"(??). This was the first ones he smelled too, so he hadn't gone nose blind after an hour of sniffing fragrances or anything like that.
Marc Jacobs - Daisy Dream: He liked this one! But it wasn't a "love".
Marc Jacobs - Daisy Eau so Fresh: He did NOT like this one at all. Which is more than fine with me lol, since I share the same opinion.
Marc Jacobs - Daisy: "No."
Burberry - Her: I have this one already and I love it, he's not a fan. He thinks it's too sweet.
Gucci - Gucci Bloom: I didn't ask him to try this one because it's my mom's signature scent lol. Same thing with V&R flowerbomb.
I asked him to try a bunch of other fragrances as well, but none of them were winners.
Buuut! He actually found one that he loves!
My birthday was a few days ago, and I got a perfume from my boyfriend as a gift.
He got me YSL libre intense. I was grateful, but confused. How the hell did he know I wanted this one??
Turns out that he went to my Fragrantica page and looked at my wish list. I was impressed, a very smart move. I didn't even know he knew my Fragrantica username lol.
Then I wondered when he bought this, turns out he ordered it, blind buy style!
Now I was even more confused, how did he know which one to buy without being able to smell it? I definitely have fragrances on my wish list that I haven't even smelled myself lol, just going off reviews. The struggle of being a fraghead living in a small town.
He said that he went through the wish list, read the notes, reviews, etc. Being super thorough about it and everything.
Listen, that's so cute and I really appreciate it. But I couldn't help but to laugh. Who's this fragrance connoisseur?? Going through notes? He doesn't know anything about notes! Lol
He said "Well, it has lavender in it, I like lavender". Which is news to me.
I sprayed it, and he loved it! He keeps complimenting me every time I wear it, feels great to finally have another option that he loves other than Daisy Love.
Really surprised that Libre Intense is the perfume that he would fall in love with other than Miss Daisy Love. I kept looking for fragrances with similar notes, and he ended up loving one with no notes in common with Daisy Love.
Thank you everyone again for all the suggestions!

In advance: I'm sorry if this makes no sense context wise and it gets long, but I'm pretty emotional writing this. I feel like I'm standing infront of the shambles of my life right now, at a point where I'm supposed to be happier than ever.
And truth be told, I am outwardly "ok" most of the time, which I'm not faking per se. But I am terrified of what's going on in my head.
I'm a young woman roughly in my early twenties, pregnant, together with my childhood boyfriend and love of my life, financially secure, working my dream job etc.. But on the other hand I'm also a survivor of childhood religious abuse and a veteran. I've been diagnosed with Autism in early childhood and with PTSD after those ordeals.
I asked to be pulled from my last deployment in a war zone (and later service at large) after I made an unsuccessful attempt on my life. When I got home my boyfriend, with whom I've been with since we were 12-13, was right there by my side the entire time. He's the reason I'm still here. He was the one who physically attacked my parents when they threw me to the ground and kicked me upon finding out that we were having sex at age 18. He, as an adult, took a slap across the face from my lunatic of a mother, because he, someone who isn't religious, took their precious daughter. That's the same mother who'd say that symptoms of my Autism were my Yetzer Hara (innate inclination to evil in Judaism) and so on. My mother was always the worst, but curiously enough, both my parents were actually rarely physical. They were just incredibly evil with words. My first bullies, basically. Despite all this, my boyfriend supports that I still hold contact to them for the sake of my little siblings, who I love dearly. But despite that love, I've found myself unable to interact with them recently. It is just so incredibly painful to see how different my parents are with them and how my little siblings, who are to young to know what was done to me, adore them without a single condition. The only truly good person in my family is my paternal grandfather. He basically adopted me and my partner as his own, taught us what Judaism is really supposed to be like and gifted my partner, who is incredibly respectful of my faith, an old Kippah of his. He's truly always been my partner in crime, united by the dislike for the rest of our family. He's also the only one who knows and will know about the baby. I am so ready for the family drama that will unfold when they find out that that me, my partner and our child will inherit everything and that I'm his sole medical and financial proxy should he ever be unable to do stuff himself anymore.
My pregnancy was unplanned, but it was a happy "surprise" (can you be surprised about the pill failing after two days of a stomach virus?). Unfortunately my second thought after the initial excitement of seeing the positive test was how this would burn every last bridge to my family. Again, my partner is nothing short of amazing and will be an awesome dad, but he's and his family are the only ones I have. I don't have my mom or any other female relatives. I love my defacto mother-in-law, who has always been more of a mother to me than my real mom, but having to talk to her about pregnancy stuff not always because I want to, but because she's the only one I got is incredibly sad. My family, except for my grandfather and possibly my siblings when they are adults, will never find out about this baby, ever. I am genuinely afraid of what lengths they would go to.
My partner, who has always been there for me, is in a very tough situation right now, so it obviously my turn to step up. He's a professional athlete, who's had two mayor injuries this season, one involving surgery on his shoulder. Issue being, he's also allergic to pretty much every single conventional painkiller out there and he's had to take painkillers continuously since October. Result being, stomach ulcers. Severe pain 24/7, nights spent awake with him vomiting blood. I, with a medical background, was a loss for what to do at times and thought I'd lose him more than once. Objectively speaking, I've seen much worse in the military, but it hits so different when it's a person you love more than anything. And he continues to play whenever even remotely possible with a stupid sense of grit and determination that I recognize from myself. He's slowly on the mend, but I've given him everything in me over the last few months. I feel empty.
Another factor in that is my work. I work for the club my boyfriend plays for. My primary jobs are in medical and coaching, but I also see it as sort of my duty that these guys turn not only as great athletes, but also as great humas. An aspect that often times gets lost in professional sports. I love my work, I love how much I can give and how I can be a positive factor in people's lives. But with everything else going to shits, I feel that what's happening at work is also affecting me more than it should. Particularly a guy that's been out with myocarditis for months now. It's always been a sad case, but as of recently I hold back tears every time I work with him. His mama found him unconcious in bed one morning, as a simple flu had turned significantly worse over night. She panicked, didn't remember where the hospital was, didn't think to call an ambulance and as such drove him to our medical centre. When I opened that car door - I've never seen a person that looked so sick ever before. He ended up having a heart attack, getting a pace maker and being in a coma for a week. Again, he's on the mend now, but seeing a 19 year old young athlete, who sees his entire career in jeopardy, struggle to get up from the breakfast table and walk the 5 steps over to the buffet is still beyond heartbreaking. He's been on my mind a lot lately, but what completely ended me were the last 2 days. Day before yesterday, in training. We hear a horrific sound, followed by a gutteral scream of shear pain and terror (have heard a few of these, never anything quite like that) and frantic shouts from other players. I grab my equipment and haul ass over to the other pitch and what I see there is easily the most horrific leg break possible. I am talking, the leg was nearly amputated. Tourniquet on, finding the next best thing to inject the player that would just knock him out, debating with my colleagues about if this is a case for a helicopter (it was), figuring out with the air ambulance crew how to stabilize the leg (anatomical physics project) etc.. The player who accidentally did this to him in a bad challenge was and still is inconsolable. There were multiple people who threw up at the sight. Today in training, another sound every pitch side worker dreads. A head clash, a proper one. One of them fine, just slightly dazed, the other one fully unconscious. I turn him on his side and see that there's blood running out of his mouth and one of his ears. Not ideal. When I got him awake he started vomiting, stated hearing/vision loss on one eadye, his face was drooping etc.. Perfect case of a basilar skull fracture. Another case for the air ambulance. While we were waiting on them, his mama came over and he didn't recognize her. I don't know what it was, but him not recognising his mother, his mother, fearing for her son's life, sobbing when he asked who she was...
Even though they're both doing well considering the circumstances, I've never had two incidents like this in two days. I'm rattled. And I hate myself for saying that, because it feels weak coming from someone who has seen war zones. I feel like I'm giving everything I have, I'm everyones shoulder to cry on and I'm just empty. I don't have anything left to give. Silly coming someone from someone who voluntarily signed up for all of this and still somehow loves it in a twisted way. Does this make me a masochist? I don't know. Fact is, I feel myself going down a very dark path (again) and I don't know what to do (again).

Her post: https://www.reddit.com/relationship_advice/s/ooTwyFNwWk She only showed me this a few days ago, but for the past couple of weeks my now ex gf has been curating the truth to extract as much validation as she can from this situation, and has prevented me from commenting or sharing my side.
She admits that I actually said - that I bought a house with us in mind. I did say that. When i first met her, I was moving away to LA. I had already lived in a home that was paid off for 12 years, but when i met her; i decided that maybe it's best and continue to build a life here, and should things work out, we could figure out a future together.
I had been looking at the market and one day, an amazing house came on the block, for 300k less than it was a months ago. I pounced and went to see it. That night i told her i saw a place, i even sent her the photos and said, i'm going to place an offer, which i did.
She seemed to love the place and see how much of an upgrade it would be from my current place - this is a 2M house, with 4 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, 2 living rooms and most importantly, a garage as my cars kept getting stolen since i didn't have one at my current place.
There was never mention of us moving in together right away, at the time we were together for 6 months, wayyyy too soon. We weren't even saying "i love you yet" - and i did say that once actually, and she just didn't return it anyways.
That being said, since we spend 95%% of our time sleeping at my place when we see each other once a week, figure this would be good for us, and when it is time, we could move in together there and go from there.
She loved the place, from what she said, this was supposed to be a positive.
Now let's rewind though.
3 months into the relationship, she asked to borrow 4000$. I was not comfortable with it, but as usual, she made herself seem so much in need, that I couldn't say no and just break up with her there, but now I realize i should have. She guilted me sayinf that couples have to work together and be there for each other and all that jazz.
The fact is, within those first 3 months, i had brought her to LA while i had to be there on business and the total cost of the week that she was there was around 3K. Then, over xmas, we went to another city, another 2-3K, as well as a punta cana vacation for 7K. So after all that is when she decided to ask me, and you don't need to be a genius to realize thst she chose me because clearly, she pinned me as having the money to.
Had this been my wife or long term gf, this wouldn't of been an issue, but 3 months in - this was a big flag and i talked to her about it. As usual, and as a pattern throughout this relationship, she would get extremely angry, lose her cool and make me feel bad for "questioning her character".
So, fast forward to me actually moving into this house over a 3 week period. She helped none whatsoever, never offered and my own family, friends, and people who were working at the house asked me about it apl the time. Oh she has school, oh she texts me though and so on. Completely MIA until of course friday or saturday night where she wanted to go for dinners or go to shows - that we did, of course.
One day, once her exams had tailed down and she told me she was waking up early to write a photo, i saw that she posted a sunshine kissed selfie saying: yoga! Meal prep! Coffee! Sunshine!
And i wrote her privately: " you know, i feel you could have at least offered to help in some way today". Again, she loses it, tells me : " you know you don't have to tell me something just because it bothers you" and then eventually she says, and i will never forget this ever : " don't you think you're expecting a little much of me for 7/8 months of dating"?
I was shocked. For some reason, pressuring your bf for a 4000$ loan 3 months in, but offering help in any way over a 3 week period is too much.
I called it off, decided i don't need her and this relationship wouldn't work with this set of values we don't share.
A couple of days later, after trying whatever she could to flip this whole fight on me, constantly chaging the goal post as a pattern i had identified and made her aware of repeatedly over those 7/8 months, she eventually showed up unannounced, apologizing profusely, and apparently seeming to genuinely recognize that it wasn't right, and she could have offered.
I took some of the responsibility once she did, and said that maybe, i could have been more direct as to when and how.
We resolved, we started to laugh again, this was a fight that we would "learn from" we both said.
Well, last week we disagreed for another simple issue, and she blew up as she does, yelling, calling my life chaotic, calling me eveything she can think of, and then says she resents me for wanting her to help with the house when she had exams!
Basically she took back the apology fully and stormed out of the house, i did not chase her. I did not text her, and i did not want to negotiate at all anymore.
The next morning she said she acted like that because i told her she was fucked. Tbh, i don't remember saying that, but i probably did as she was having a massive blow up.
I apologized for saying that she is fucked because afterall, whatever i do is in my control and tried my very best to get her to see that blowing up like that, is her behavior to be accountable for.
That's when she shared the original thread... again - no words, shocked that for a couple of weeks in the background she had been farming all these comments about me, sharing our personal stuff and curating it in a way to make herself look like, you guessed it, a "victim" whose boyfriend "bought her a house"?
We met off hinge. She asked to borrow 3K from me 3 months in, and I told her since then that it just didn't look good at all, and I'd hate to have something like that i couldn't even share with my friends / family.
The facts are that she only shared as the relationship went on:

• she is over 40k in debt
• Got fired from her nursing job because the educator had it in for her
• Missed out on receiving funding from the school because of their online portal
• Wasn't able to apply to graduate because the school didn't let her know properly
• Hates her parents even though they gabe her a car, paid for her exams and other failed attempts at schooling in the past
• Told me that her last relationship was "toxic" and she didn't see a future with him but stayed with him for 3 years and when they broke up, he threatened to jump off their building, same building she currently lives in - where 1 bedroom costs more than my previous mortage did for the 12 years that i paid it.

Overall, yes i had reason to play it slow with her. I didn't want her moving in on a technicality, or making me responsible for all her bills or getting trapped if things didn't work out.
I didn't buy her a house, i bought my house, in cash, paid in full and she was well aware that.
I bought a house because I had settling down in my current city in mind after meeting and had hoped it would work out.
But here she is complaining about if she would have an office in it, for...nursing?
A shoe room? I have 25 pairs of shoes in a closet. The spare bedroom would be for a baby's room, possibily if my future half is comfortable with that. Discussions would be had but i realized that discussions would never be had with her.
She has rage in her mind, a wild sense of entitlement and at present time is currently getting evicted from her apartment, and has no full time job but all the time in the world to make reddit posts for validation.
This problem is solved, she is not going to move in, and i am accountable for my house and hope she becomes accountable for "her house".
I welcome any comments / questions but i know I was dealing with a highly problematic person who will never truly realize her ways.

Sooo long story short, my ex left me when I was 20 weeks pregnant earlier this year. Ex MIL played a big role in his impulsive decision and encouraged it. I completely hold my ex accountable because he’s a grown man (or so I thought). Ex lives with his mom and paid for the mortgage and utility bills so whatever money she gets from SSI and her husbands pension, she gets to keep and spend it however she would like. I feel like she wasn’t going to have access to him like an ATM and that became an issue as we got closer to getting married and moving in together. He was going to move in to my home. Fast forward to last month, she calls me and leaves me a voicemail exactly three months to the date of the breakup, which I feel was very calculated. She said “she wanted to know how I’m doing” and that “she doesn’t know how I feel about her” but to please call her back if when I have time. I still haven’t found the time to return her phone call and to be honest, I don’t want to. Am I being unreasonable by not calling her back? I’ve always been big on family and children are off limits but I personally don’t feel I have anything to say to her. Even when I was with her son and I spoke to her about my birth plan and how I don’t want any visitors after i give birth, she said to me “well I’m still going, I have 10 grandchildren and have always been at the hospital and birth” then she went off to let everyone in the family know that I said I didn’t want her at the hospital. I’m still currently pregnant with her grand child.

Hey all! So I wanted to give a part two since I'm not high now lol, and also I wanted to clear up some things and add in some other details I left out that I just remembered. If you haven't seen the first part of this post then I suggest going to that, otherwise you'll be very confused. Also, I forgot to add this in my first post but DON'T READ if triggered by certain topics like r*ape, SA, murder, abuse, etc. Another thing is, this post is going to be a lot darker and aside from talking about what happened, I'm also looking for advice on my mental state and how to cope. So please read with caution because I'm going to be talking about what happened with B, but also about my past before him and how what happened is affecting my past trauma.
So, I'm not going to retell the whole story but I am going to be bringing up a lot of parts from it and things I didn't realize until after the incident happened. And some of the things I didn't think of until my friend brought it up. So in my first post, I was talking about how B (26M) was REALLY into Jeffrey Dahmer. Well, in the show we watched with Evan Peters, I noticed a lot of things Jeffrey did as well as already knowing a lot about him before watching it. I noticed that B was doing a lot of things similar to him. Now, I forgot to add in this part last time, but B was really 'straight phobic.' Now I'm a bi transman but I don't hate cis / straight people. In fact, a lot of my friends are cis and in straight relationships. For some reason though, he did, to a weird extent. And even though he was being respectful in the beginning, I'm starting to get a feeling he wasn't actually gay or cared about trans people. Because it seems as though ALL of his former partners were transmen. Which isn't that weird I guess, and he did tell me he tried dating a cis man before but it didn't work. After I met him in person he was telling me that he really liked his trans partners to still have sex vaginally and he liked tits. So, I was kind of confused at that. I think what was really going on was that he isn't gay but wanted to be so he could be like Jeffrey Dahmer. I know it's a bit of a stretch, but you'll see why later. So another thing is, Jeffrey would always ask his potential victims to go back to his place for drinks and to take photos, particularly sexual ones. Jeffrey would then lace the drinks and go on to do weird things to his victims while taking their pictures. And while I was trapped at his place, B kept pushing alcohol on me, A LOT. So much so, that when I kept refusing he started getting angry. However, once I pretended to take a sip it was like his whole attitude changed. He also kept joking it was laced, like EVERYTIME he offered me some. Even though I didn't actually drink any, like I said in the first post, I still got a few drops on my lips and in my mouth. After that I started to get a headache and was a bit dizzy. Also, he had told me before that he liked to take pictures of his partners in sexual poses while they held his guns. Aside from the guns, that's EXACTLY WHAT JEFFREY WOULD DO. For some reason, I didn't piece any of this together until afterwards. I guess I was too shaken up to think clearly. I said this before as well, but when I first entered his house, it was pitch black and he had black out curtains on EVERY WINDOW in his house. His bedroom, living room, kitchen, I mean his whole house made it seem like it was night outside. Another thing that is eerily similar to Jeffrey, is that B told me before I met him in person he always liked dating someone younger. I, at the time, was nineteen and he was twenty five, about to turn twenty six. I honestly don't know what was wrong with me so have not seen the BIG RED FLAGS in the beginning, but he played it off so well I didn't even notice them until after everything happened. And it isn't like me to go for older guys, I usually try to go for someone two years older or younger than me, as I don't like have a huge age gap between me and my partner. Anyway though, Jeffrey always went for younger guys, as well as sometimes KIDS. So, that's another thing similar between them, as well as the fact that B told me he was into little brother play. Where he makes his partners act like a younger brother during sex, etc. He also told me he liked for his partners to SUCK ON BINKIES. BRUHHHH, no thanks bro, I'm good. See, if it was just one of these things that he liked / was into, then I guess it would be normal. Just a guy into a weird ass kink, but all these things combined just did not sit right with me as well as how he was acting. Now, I said in my other post that basically the ENTIRE TIME I was with him, he had a weird ass expression on his face that made me uncomfortable. I wish I could explain better, but it was like constipated / confused look, like Edward from Twilight when he does those weird facial expressions. His brows were always furrowed and he looked like he was uncomfortable / anxious the whole time. He was being super sketchy. His body language was just really off-putting and made me feel weird. And the thing he kept ranting about the most was how Jeffrey Dahmer was misunderstood and just needed someone to be there for him, and then maybe he wouldn't have killed people. The thing that scared me the most was how he said he felt the same way, that he wished he could just have someone not leave him and how he had trust issues after his former partners. Especially the one I mentioned in the last post, about how his ex partner before me snuck out in the middle of the night and got his family to come get him. His family lived across the country, so it had to have been pretty bad for his ex to call his parents and tell them to come get him. Because they drove across multiple different states to come pick him up in the middle of the night so he could sneak away. I have a major feeling that B left out a lot of their fight and why his ex actually left. Not to mention while I was with him, he watched every move I made and wouldn't let me get on my phone without him seeing what I was doing / texting to people. I have a feeling if he thought I was trying to leave him he would've done something bad. Just like Jeffrey. Jeffrey wouldn't always hurt his victims (Not at first anyway) it was always when they said they had to leave that he would get angry and force them to stay. So, idk man, I could've been killed or worse. Also, I know I said I could've been killed or worse, and some of you are probably thinking what's worse than being killed? Well, to me, a lot of things he could've done would have been worse. Especially if he was trying to be like Dahmer, then I could've gotten acid injected into my brain or been r*aped. Which is exactly what I think he was trying to do, with how much alcohol he was trying to push on me. He also kept 'petting' me and touching my thighs while he told me all the ways he'd kill me 'if he was a serial killer.' I genuinely think that something bad would've happened if I didn't have one HELL of an excuse to leave. Because honestly, my mom couldn't have given a better excuse for me to go that also sounded real and not like a lie. Because, like I said before, I had told him before I met him that my mother had health issues and was always in and out of the hospital, so it was perfect that she used that as an excuse. He got really cold and wasn't speaking to me when he heard my phone call and that I had to leave, but I think if I would've tried to leave without that excuse or by giving him an obvious lie, then I might not be here. I'm also super grateful to my best friends who let me come to their place and stay late instead of going home. Me and my best friend, basically my sister, have talked about this a lot since it happened and every time we do, we try to rationalize why someone would act like that, other than being an actual serial killer / r*pist. But we can never think of a reason besides the fact that he simply is what he seems like. A really unhinged person who could've hurt me badly. Also, this was my FIRST TRUE experience in online dating and I honestly think I'm never going to try that again. I've run into so many creeps trying to date online, AND in real life. Most people who aren't trans probably don't realize or know this, but there are a lot of men that want to do really weird and fucked up things to trans people because I guess they think we are some mutant or something, or 'the best of both worlds.' I've run into them a lot, and when I met B, I thought that was over. I thought I had met an actual good person who was educated on trans topics and was respectful of my boundaries and my body. Nope. Now I'm starting to think dating, at least where I live now, is almost impossible and I think I'm going to be alone for awhile. :') Not to mention, I'm now traumatized after what happened with B, and I already had trouble trusting men, and just people in general. Before meeting him I have already been SAed before, multiple times. I guess I'm simply asking for advice on how to move on from something like this. I was trying, and doing kind of ok, moving on from things that had happened before I met B, but now after what happened with him I feel like I'm back sliding and it's making me relive all my past traumas. I basically trust no one, when it comes to sexual things, besides my two best friends I've known since childhood. I tend to over sexualize everything, even things that aren't sexual at all, and get scared around ANYONE, even family members, who I know deep down don't see me like that. I was also abused as a kid and wasn't able to get out of it until I was eighteen, and I've only just turned twenty now, so it wasn't even until two years ago I was still being abused. I feel I've fallen into the dark again and my panic attacks have gotten worse again. I feel depressed and I didn't realize until recently that I'm suicidal again. I didn't realize it until recently, because when I was younger and suicidal, I knew I was. I've tried unaliving myself before so I didn't think about it because I don't feel that way now. It's different this time. Instead of my thoughts directly wanting me to pull out a gun and, ya know, this time it's more subtle and more of a subconscious action. Like closing my eyes for a few seconds while driving. Or intrusive thoughts about ramming head first into the car in the other lane. Or going hiking and thinking of what it would feel like to step off the cliff. I'm honestly just tired. I feel like every person I meet has some kind of ulterior motive, whatever it is. I'm working at a really nice job but it seems like every time I save up money and am doing good for my future, I have to use it on something unexpected that pops into my life. I'm living with my grandparents for now because they said they weren't going to charge me rent, and I'm super grateful for that, but even still I can't keep money and I kind of just don't see my future anymore. Both my parents were drug addicts, my mother to pain pills then xans after that, my father was mainly an alcoholic but also did meth, pills, and other things. It doesn't help because when I was younger, around my early teen years (13-16) I started smoking cigs when I was 12, then I started smoking weed, which I still do, but then it got worse and I've tried xans, snorting pills I didn't even know what they were, drinking, and I've even done shrooms and LSD. I've also had some really bad trips on LSD that made my severe panic disorder worse and after that I now disassociate a lot too and have trouble knowing if I'm in reality while having a panic attack. And after what happened with B, his house and the smell (Cigs and booze) just reminded me what it was like living with my parents in that crack house looking trailer. It's like my brain won't let me let go of the past and move on. It's like I'm constantly stuck there still. And aside from dating, it's also super hard to meet people as friends where I live. I love my two best friends, one of which has been with me since we were basically fetuses and her parents and mine were friends, so her parents were also abusive drug addicts. It's nice to have someone so close and how we can relate to what we went through. We joke that we were traumatized by our parents, but also by each other's parents as well lol. Even though I'm grateful for them, you never know what's going to happen in the future and I don't want to be solely dependent on them and be able to make new friends, but I just can't. I feel so alone, and my friend I grew up with has been moved out a lot longer than me and has had time to heal, and I don't wanna keep dumping my mental problems on her because it's unfair to her. I feel like I'm just bringing her back to our past with me. When I moved out, I completely cut ties with my father, I don't even like calling him that, as he was the first person to SA me and he is, in general, and evil person. I try to think that evil people don't exist, but then I think of him and I realize they do. My mom though, is a good person when she isn't on anything. Recently though, I blocked her and haven't talked to her in over a month because she OD again on xans and amphetamines. I kind of realized recently that she is almost as bad as my father, even though I never wanted to admit that to myself. Because when I was younger, I admitted to her that he had SAed me and she kept pressuring me to tell her what happened, like, IN DETAIL. I told her no because I didn't want to relive it and think about it, even now I have a lot of repressed memories. And because I wouldn't tell her EXACTLY what happened, she doesn't believe. I think she does, deep down, but she doesn't want it to be real. And after her OD last month, she tried telling me she didn't and that it was just her BLOOD PRESSURE. LIKE OH MY GOD BITCH, WHY DO YOU LIE? She must think I'm stupid or something. Before I blocked her, I cussed her out over text and said something like "Who do you think was the first person at the hospital? Not grandma, not your husband, ME. I've always been there for you first. Who do you think told me you had OD? The doctors when I first got there!" And she still denies it, even though when me and my friend got the hospital she was lying there naked (they had to cut her clothes off to save her) with a breathing tube stuck down her throat. I've tried helping her my whole life but apparently she doesn't want help. So now I've gotten tired of her BS and I blocked her and now my grandma is pressuring me to talking to her, luckily though, my grandpa went through something similar as a kid and understands how it is so he isn't guilt tripping me into talking with her. I'm just tired of having to put into traumatic situations. My mental health just keeps getting worse. Somehow, trauma always finds me and nowadays, it seems my only friends are my demons. It used to not be like this, but now even when I'm with my two closest friends, I still feel lonely. Like they are reminding me that when I leave my friends, I'm alone again. Anyway, I know this probably isn't the right subreddit for this, but I kind of just started ranting, sorry for that.
Also, to clear some things up, no I don't use drugs, not anymore. I've never really been an addict at all in my life, somehow. I just did drugs because I wanted to escape when I was younger, and thankfully I never got addicted to any of them. Not like you can get addicted to LSD or shrooms anyway. The only thing I've got addicted to was cigarettes, which rn, is the least of my concerns. And as for weed, I used to be a major stoner but it started making my panic attacks worse so I stopped for a few years, cold turkey, and only recently started smoking it again. So, I'm not worried about weed and if anything, it's been helping now. Especially since I don't smoke it nearly as much as I used to. So, for those worried about me being or getting on drugs, don't worry I'm fine. I have made a clear boundary for myself to never do anything besides smoking my cigs and weed. Cause I've seen how drugs affect my parents and others I've known and I've sworn to myself that I won't become them. It also sucks though because I see psychedelics as something that can help a lot of people with trauma, and the first shrooms trip I ever did changed my life for the better. Now though, after my bad LSD trip, I don't know if I can every do them again. Maybe one day, but not for the foreseeable furture. Again, sorry for going on a rant. I'll probably post this to another subreddit and see if anyone can help. I'm not looking for therapy as I don't have the money or health insurance. Just looking for someone who can relate that has been able to move past similar things and find happiness. If you've read this far, thank you. Like seriously, from the bottom of my heart. It means a lot to me that someone would read about another person's problems and life experience. I hope whoever is reading this is having a great day / night wherever you are, and are living your best life. And for those reading that are going through a similar situation right now and can't get out, I promise you aren't alone. I haven't really gotten better, so I can't say things get better, but I can say it DOES get easier. All I can say is, you aren't alone in it. There are others, like me, who know your pain. Keep living, it'll be worth it. Even though I'm not doing my best and my mental problems are still with me, that doesn't mean it's all been bad. I've made a lot of amazing memories after I moved out. Keep going.

Please everyone! I need your advice and opinion. I am 24 years old girl. I got engaged when I was 21. My husband doesn’t really have a career neither me. When we got engaged we have some amount of money to move together. We were living for almost 4 years together. After one year of living together, my husband became a truck driver. He was out of town almost a month. We had expenses. Sometimes truck was out of order and all the money were going to expenses. At that time i had very bad influence from my parents I wasn’t working as a server or other job. Only breadwinner was my husband. So, long story short. Our living together ended. I moved to my parent’s house. My husband still had to fix truck and he couldn’t continue to work as a truck driver because we don’t have any money to fix the truck. By that time, my parents don’t like how I am. How we couldn’t have money. And how poor we are. They always talk to me about my career that I have to grow but at the same time I have in my mind that I have only my husband and we together need to do something to achieve our goals. Even if I want to get an education we want the money first. My husband and my dad had very bad conflict. My parents were trying to give me advice but I always had toxic relationship with myfather and he was telling me to get the pause from my husband because everything that is happening is his fault and nothing mine. I couldn’t even think what they were trying to say to me. And all this conversation ended that my husband and my father doesn’t talk each other any more and my mother too. They kind if hate him. Now he is asking me to move to NY with his mom and try to start a job as a server or other to get minimum wage $17-20. Now I am in dilemma I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to live with my mother in law. Please anyone give me some advice!!!!

After being inspired by this post (RH but all the same) which reminded me how much I enjoyed {Damaged Goods by Poppy Rhys} and {Crushed Dominion by Poppy Rhys}, I want to collect and get more recommendations for books where:

• inter-alien interactions are common, there are multiple sentient species that move through the same spaces
  
• the human FMC's presence is more of a practical/bureaucratic/logistical conundrum than anything
  
• it has slice of life vibes
  
• MCs are in a jam or drawn/stuck together for some reason
  
• FMC is not familiar (either at all or not much) with other species quirks, and there is some miscommunication between FMC and MMC that comes down to cultural/lived experience differences
  

{Damaged Goods by Poppy Rhys} - human FMC sucked through portal to space world, tickets to earth are pricey and she has to work 3 jobs to afford one and has run-ins with cute UPS red demon alien
{Crushed Dominion by Poppy Rhys} - human FMC sucked through portal, alien MMC immigration lawyer really trying to do his best to help her through her refugee application despite confusion around how she got there
{A Chimera for Christmas by Ursa Dax} - human FMC gets a limited visa to work the seasonal shift at a space station coffeeshop, her fellow barista MMC is a species typically given wide berth by others
{Contaminated by Amanda Milo} - predator-esque alien MMC POV, human botanist FMC breaks into lab but their planet has been quarantined for ages, so MMC and lab mate are really baffled about what to do about the intruder
{The E.T. Guy by V.C. Lancaster} - office romance where human FMC works for the department of ET immigration and alien MMC does IT for her department, grumpy/sunshine
{Space for Love by Emily Antoinette} - human FMC meets alien MMC who is working a a holographic disguised desk clerk and again through mutual friends in his actual form and she's into him but he thinks he doesn't have a shot because he's intimidating
Any similar suggestions for cozy alien scifi to add to the list?
Outside of Risdaverse and Sign Here for Horns and Etta Pierce's spinoff series (which are also all good fun).

my bf and i have been together since 3 years now We’ll be going long distance in a few months since I’m going to another city for college (4-5 hours away). I’m still going to be visiting home once or twice every month I imagine but ofc it’s not the same as us going to the same university or being in the same city even. I’ve just always been very good at school and have had high aims and goals for my future and uni, I’ve worked for it all my life so ofc I want to go and I’m not going to not go. I’m also going to go bcz we broke up in the middle for a year bcz he rlly messed up and idk if he’ll mess up again I can’t j give up my dreams and things I’ve worked for on the hope that everything will be okay and we will still be together a year from now.
I love my bf so much but he is becoming insufferable about it and I’m not just saying that it’s been happening for 6 months on end, we spent all of January with him barely talking to me and me begging him to communicate or even just be on call together. I understand that it’s difficult for him but I swear I have never ever ever given him any reason to feel insecure and I’m so open to doing anything and everything he wants for reassurance I’ll send him pictures of everything and I’ll work my schedule around him not have any male friends or go to parties and places he doesn’t want me to etc etc, but it just keeps getting worse and worse.
He keeps calling me “selfish” and can’t see life beyond the next four years for wanting to go to my dream school (please keep in mind that this isn’t new news, he’s always known I’ve wanted to go somewhere else for uni and although he’s never really been okay with it he also hasn’t broken up w me over it and to me since I love him and I’m not the one with a problem w long distance I’m not rlly the one who needs to initiate any sort of breakup) and ghosts me for days, it keeps happening every few weeks and I’m getting exhausted I’ve rlly j been living on the hope that once uni starts and we settle into a routine it’ll all be okay and he’ll understand (he is a nice caring person and I love him so much) but irdk what to do atp, any advice would be appreciated and if anyone knows what I can do to make him feel better at all idk.
He keeps saying I’m the most selfish person alive and that I don’t love him and I’m making our relationship go through hell and I can easily go to a good uni for my masters and j stay here w him right now, he says he will not put in any effort once I go to uni bcz he’s not the one putting us through this (which I get and I told him he doesn’t have to but he did admit on one occasion and ik that he eventually will when he has to bcz he doesn’t want to lose me) I’m not prioritising him and our relationship etc but I think this is a fair place to prioritise myself and my goals in. He recently told me that he hopes he dies before I make it to uni and I feel like enough is enough bcz that’s so scary and why would he say that it’s j so messed up and I don’t mean to make him feel like that im literally j going to the uni want to go to..
Also his fear of long distance stems from his older siblings moving abroad and slowly growing distant and losing close contact w him, I told him I’m his gf not his sibling and I don’t have an entire external new family to raise and look after it will not be the same ever I love him and I can never forget him but that’s j not good enough for him. What do I do?

I was in a long drawn out relationship in the past. I would constantly get let down on hanging out or meeting up with my gf at the time. I would get ready to go and get let down over and over. Well we are no longer together. For awhile now. So I finally felt the courage to date again. I went on a date with a really beautiful girl(girl a). She has her own place. Lived closish. We had a few dates. And i definitely caught some red flags. But we really hit it off, and I think we liked each other. Few weeks in, She texted me inviting me out to for some drinks later that night and I agreed. So I got ready to go and was mentally preparing to go out. I was going to stay in and watch a sports event I wanted to see. I’m about ready, I send a text saying “what time will you be ready” and boom no response. It immediately reminded me of my ex that constantly would do that kind of stuff. So I stayed home. Watched my event and decided to not Text her at all anymore. The next morning I get a text from her saying “what are you doing today?” I was pretty surprised I didn’t get like a hey my bad, phone died. Or I fell asleep. Something acknowledging that I was invited somewhere and was ghosted essentially. So I ghosted her. I didn’t reply. I’m learning to be able to walk away. So I did. A few weeks later I started seeing someone else.(girl b) She is beautiful in her own way. Also treats me like a high value man so far. We’re “dating” but also she lives far. Work opposite shifts. And really can only see each other every so often. But we’re hitting it off pretty good. Recently (girl a ) added me on fb. So I added back. I think she was wanting me to text her or message her because of that. But I didn’t. She would watch my stories. So boom I get a text from (girl a) saying hi. I have not responded but I do kinda feel bad for not responding I guess. Or explaining. But although she is really pretty .. am I just being petty about the scenario?
Also for a kicker. A girl(z) I was pursuing before (girl a) just snapped me a vid of her and another guy at the beach or whatever. I really don’t care and laughed honestly. But was that to make me jealous or something? I’m not big into games or the chase because of prior relationships.

Hi, I broke up with my partner of several years about a week ago. I regret it and desperately want to try to work on things in the relationship. They were supportive during the breakup but agreed we should take some time before trying to be friends, but I really really want to message them and discuss all of this.
Background I guess… I have always been VERY avoidant and found myself dating this person and we worked through SO much together for both of us. We had so many conversations about choosing love and each other and I have never felt more fulfilled . They are obsessed with me (in a good way) and we both have full lives and are very happy overall. Of course some small things but really happy.
Over the past few months I started to become paranoid I was secretly unhappy, secretly have lost feelings, questioning if I wanted to break up, so many things. I didn’t share with my partner because I felt like it would scare them or make them feel insecure to hear me say this kind of thing, but now I know this was a mistake.
Long story short, my friends all told me if I was having this many doubts that’s a sign. My therapist said maybe if I am trying to heal my anxious attachment I needed some time from a relationship that was clearly triggering me. Online said “if you’re asking yourself the question if you should break up, you should.” Etc etc.
And now I broke up with them and regret it. Having the space has given me the clarity that I did not want to break up, I just really really felt alone because I was having these thoughts which made me feel crazy.
Does anyone have any advice about how to explain this in a way that doesn’t sound BS? I really want to commit to working on things with them, and get professional help together, etc. it’s only been a week but I really feel like I want to try to reconnect. Any support or advice is appreciated 💚