Funny 17th birthday wishes

This is the fourteenth track from The 1975's fourth studio album, Notes On A Conditional Form. What are your thoughts regarding this song? How do you think it compares to the rest of their discography? How would you rate it out of 10 (decimals allowed)?
SUGGESTED SCALE: 1-4: Not good, regularly skip. 5: Okay, but maybe a certain mood. 6: Above average, wouldn't skip but also wouldn't choose. 7: Good, I enjoy it. 8-9: Really enjoyable, I rank it pretty highly overall. 10: Masterpiece, magnum opus, etc.
Google Sheet with all the results so far: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1D36HK4W9VSlQmhXVo7v2fIgbC0ZsB466sFqiBGn5tw4/edit?usp=drivesdk
NOTES ON A CONDITIONAL FORM: 1. The 1975 (2020): 1.89 2. People: 9.12 3. The End (Music For Cars): 7.33 4. Frail State Of Mind: 9.31 5. Streaming: 5.85 6. The Birthday Party: 9.17 7. Yeah I Know: 7.32 8. Then Because She Goes: 8.71 9. Jesus Christ 2005 God Bless America: 8.89 10. Roadkill: 9.36 11. Me And You Together Song: 9.56 12. I Think There's Something You Should Know: 13. Nothing Revealed / Everything Denied: 14. Tonight (I Wish I Was Your Boy):

I Accepted a Job to Film on the Dark Web
Man, I am pumped to tell you chronically online content addicts my story. Wait is that too mean of an intro? Will this get taken down for harassment since I painted too accurate a picture of the people on this site? Sorry, everyone, I’m sure you all smell like an expensive bakery and have touched grass this morning. Anyway, I promise I have something interesting. It even involves the dark web you uncreative writers cream yourselves over! I mean, totally real people speaking about their strangely similar experiences. Okay, fine I’ll stop bullying you through the screen before you click off.
This all started when I was seven years old and my parents were killed in front of me in an anti-indigenous hate crime, but let's be real you don’t care. I’m just some annoying Cherokee kid with dead parents so I’ll skip to the good parts. I spent years in an orphanage, gradually becoming more interested in death and violence. As bad as it is, I went out of my way to expose myself to that content in the hopes of desensitizing myself. Which ended up working too well, since now I’m obsessed with causing and viewing pain, though I don’t find any joy in hurting myself.
I got adopted at twelve and after a few months of staying at my new family’s home on the reservation, I went with them to a state sweatier than the average Reddit user, California. Long story short, both of my caretakers, whom I referred to as Uncle and Auntie because they could never be my parents, died. Leaving me in the care of their older son, who I call cousin. I’m not stupid enough to give up any real names, so I’ll call him Brick, cause he’s as dumb as one. He was in his early 20s when he was tasked with taking care of me and is the world’s worst excuse for a babysitter.
I’m almost always alone at the apartment, with him only coming by to drop off supplies and stay for a few hours so the neighbors don’t get too worried. Unless I get in trouble at school, then he’d suddenly give a shit. It's useful because he doesn't about the gory stuff I look at, but some display of interest would be nice. Oh well, ninety percent of the population sucks so he’s just part of the majority. Now, with that said, you’ll be able to understand the perfect storm that led me here. During my time on the deep web, I found a particular website that caught my eye. They had new footage relatively consistently and they were the easiest for me to access since I didn't go too far into the dark web, especially with all the honey pots lying around.
I even bought a couple of files for myself to study and admire. One thing irritated me though, the cameraman. He was always sobbing, breathing, shaking, or some combination of those. It seriously killed the vibe of the killings. Something I commented on under many videos, often saying I would do a better job filming. A choice that in hindsight was me asking to end up in one of those recordings. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I was mostly the only one who commented but I was sure they wouldn't care. I was embarrassingly wrong.
I was staying up like usual, but it was past one AM on a school night, and back then that was a lot so I tried to sleep. Closing my eyes, tossing and turning, the works. I had just started drifting off when I heard the front door open. I remained calm but immediately found it weird since Brick never showed up this late. The thuds of the individual's feet grew louder as they got closer to my bedroom. I tried to convince myself it wasn't a stranger, especially since they got in with ease, but I knew that was wishful thinking.
They hummed as they opened my door. My dumbass had left it unlocked. I remained on my side, trying to look like I was asleep. They turned on the flashlight of their phone, shining it in my face. It was hard but I stayed still while they traced it over my features. I could tell they were smiling as they clicked their tongue.
“Heh, I knew it was a brat,” they whispered to themselves, pulling tangles out of my hair. Something I struggled not to groan from. They pulled up the hair over my ear and got so close spit got on my ear lobe.
“I know you’re awake kid,” they murmured, putting a blade to my neck. I let them grab my shoulder and move me onto my back, I knew how to fight but I wasn't about to take that big a risk with the position they had me in.
“You think you’re so cool saying you can do better than our guy.” they snickered, kneeling, their flashlight still shining in my face.
“Do you seriously believe that?” they questioned, moving the light away.
“Yeah, I do.” I stood my ground, they might have been intimidating but I wasn't gonna let that stop me from being honest.
“I wouldn't sound like I’m gonna piss myself every time it gets gory. I’m confident I could get better footage too, getting up close is something I’ve fantasized about.”
They clicked their tongue again and ran their finger over the bridge of my nose.
”Well, I know you’re a big fan of what we do, and you’re confidence makes me think you got something to back those claims up, so how’d you like a deal?”
I was surprised by how civil they were being aside from the touching and weapon against my throat.
“What kind of deal?” I asked, for all I knew this guy wanted me to lick their feet or some weird shit like that. They placed a finger underneath my eye, tracing a half moon with their nail.
“You have till this Friday to film a video of you killing an animal and put it on a flash drive that I’ll pick up here. If it impresses me and the crew we’ll hire ya with a handsome salary.” They began, moving their hand down to my cheek.
“But if you don't show, or it doesn't meet our standards, then I’m fucking up one of the parts of your face.” They warned, pinching my skin harshly.
“And if I say no to this deal?”
They put their hand over my mouth, scratching my lips.
“That’s cute, if you say no I’ll just slit your throat.” they grinned.
“Or rip it open with my teeth if you got a preference,” they smirked, before running their tongue across their sharp teeth.
“Okay, since I have no choice I’ll go with it, but I’m telling you now I can give you something way better than what you likely expect of me.” I prefaced, looking into their sunken eyes. They scratched my scalp, including the side of my head that was shaved.
“Good choice, I’ll be back to pick it up and if you're not here I’ll assume you don’t have the video. I genuinely wish you luck, because you’ll need it.” they removed the blade from my neck and walked away. I sat still for a few minutes in the dark, processing what had happened and wondering how they got into my apartment with such ease. I was confident I could blow their sniveling excuse of a cameraman out of the water, but I was worried about the people I was getting caught up with.
Sure, I had been on a lot of gore sites over the years but I was always just watching and occasionally commenting. Compared to most in the scene I wasn't much of a threat. I could defend myself and have contemplated killing for years but I hadn't murdered anyone or worse. Plus, I am part of way too many targeted groups to not be constantly at risk. Teenage, fem-leaning, two-spirit, indigenous kid with trauma? Yeah, I might as well be walking sign screaming “Hate crime me”.
So yeah, there was a lot to worry about. Regardless, I couldn't let that fear hold me back. I had a job to do and a group of sickos to appease. The next morning was rough, I got no sleep cause I’d spent all night brainstorming. I barely mustered the energy to change and drank straight mouthwash instead of brushing my teeth. Slogging onto the bus with drool on my cheek, I went to the back like usual. No one sat there cause, the seats were extra worn down, and I scared off anyone who attempted to with my active, rabies-infected bitch face. That day was different though.
I blanked on his name and where I knew him from, but I recognized his wavy hair and prominent curved nose. He glanced at each seat on the bus, before somehow settling on my area. He tried to give me space but ultimately seated himself beside me after realizing it was the only spot that didn't look like it would give him cancer. I glared at him as I did with everyone, but it didn't phase him.
“You know you could pick anywhere else right?” I murmured. He stared at the floor, then at me.
“I’m aware, but a few months ago I started a mission to sit on every part of this bus, and this is the last place.” he smiled, his lips softly curving at the sides.
“What’s the point of that?”
His mouth moved into a more neutral position, but his eyes kept smiling.
“I just thought it would be neat to see the same place from a bunch of different perspectives.” he took out his phone and snapped a photo from the point of view where he was sitting. Maybe my sleepiness made my bitch face less effective, cause he hadn't shown a hint of fear, which kind of annoyed me.
“That’s cool I guess, but I wouldn't do that if I were you. I’ve done some back here alone that would make your skin crawl.” in hindsight my attempt at unnerving him just made me sound like a pervert, which is probably why he held back laughter. Trying to hide a chuckle by clearing his throat.
“Hey, it's not my business what you do, no matter how Haram it is. It’s your life so that’s between you and whatever you believe in. Just don’t shake hands with me.” he joked, playfully putting his hands up. Strangely, I remembered his name at that moment.
“Oh shit, you’re Abdul! We have art together.” I sat up, haphazardly slamming my hand down on my leg.
“Uh yeah, I’ve seen some of your paintings, they’re pretty cool. I like the way you texture them, I’m trying to work on that.” he complimented, seeming more weirded out by my sudden energy than my accidental insinuation. I felt a little stupid for yelling his name but decided not to dwell on it.
“Thanks, you’re stuff is nice, and you’re good at shading.”
He stretched his arms while thanking me. We talked for a few more minutes, taking jabs at each other throughout. Turns out he was better at being an asshole than his artsy charismatic appearance made me think. The thing setting our insults apart being that you could tell he was a loving person underneath. It was the nicest conversation I had with anyone in a while. Though he could tell I was tired so he quieted down, letting me sleep, waking me when we got to school. We went our separate ways until the last two periods we shared. All that time, I spent my remaining energy plotting how I was going to handle the video. What I’d kill, record with, and how to dispose of the evidence. It was a lot to consider, but through three classes I devised a plan.
I’d find a stray around my apartment complex and take it out in my room. Record it on a portable camera since I broke the ones on my phone, no, I will not be answering how that happened. Then once I had my footage I’d put the body in a trash bag, throw it in the complex’s garbage, and clean the blood off my floor. It didn't seem like Brick would come by so he wasn't a factor I thought I’d have to consider. The plan was almost too easy, but I decided to believe in Occam’s razor. I got so lost in thought that by the time I reached Art, which was my second-to-last period, I didn't process that we were moving seats.
“She called your name,” Abdul reminded me. Our teacher placed us next to each other at our four-person table. The two girls sitting with us were already friends, so I didn't bother to say anything, but I was interested in talking to him more.
“So, what do you think of this assignment?” He shrugged, taking out his sketchbook.
“I’m not that good at drawing people, but the idea of combining two people’s faces into a portrait seems interesting. Any ideas on who you’ll pick?”
“Probably the members of the music duo Brain Tumor, they’re my favorite artists and they both look weird as hell.”
“Wow way to talk about your favorites, if that’s what you say about them I can‘t imagine what you have to say about me.” he joked, pulling up reference pictures.
“First, it’s not an insult, second I don’t have anything to say about you. Brain and Tumor have features and styles that make them stand out. Sure they’re ugly, but it just adds to their visual charm. Hot people are boring, there’s nothing to pick at.” I explained, unzipping my bag.
“Oh, so you’re saying you think I’m hot.”
His comment wasn’t serious but it kind of got to me.
“Shit, that’s not what I meant, I was trying to say you’re boring. All hot people are boring, but not all boring people are hot, okay?” I explained, flipping to a clean page.
“Alright, but if I’m so bland then why talk to me?”
I hesitated, contemplating how much of a dick I was gonna be.
“Because it means you probably need some spice in your life, which I can provide.”
He began sketching a head on his paper.
“I like spices, but I feel like you’re the kind of person to dump a cabinet’s worth onto me.”
I flicked my pencil over to his side of the desk, putting on a mocking grin.
“Aww, you scared I’m gonna get you into trouble?”
He picked up the pencil and started using it, putting his on my side.
“No, ‘cause I’m good at setting boundaries. I’m more concerned that you’ll get annoyed with how unafraid of you I am.”
I stared at him for a moment, I hadn't expected to hear that.
“Jeez, man you didn't have to read me like that.”
He shrugged, observing the red paint from past projects that lay on my pencil.
“It's not hard to figure out, just this morning you were trying to push me away on the bus. Lucky, or unlucky, for you I want you to have a friend and you seem like a fun person.”
“Wait are you saying I have no friends?” I squinted at him.
“Well, do you?”
I didn't answer.
“If your response is silence I suggest you take up my offer.”
I was stunned, to be honest. No one had offered to be my friend since 6th grade, and that didn't last long. Of course, I accepted it, but for the rest of the period, there was an awkwardness in my mind. As pathetic as it sounds I wasn't used to others genuinely enjoying my company like he did. Which was partly by design cause I get joy out of scaring people away, but still. I forgot how it felt to have conversations about normal things like art. He had such a nice smile too, usually when I see a grin I want to slap it off, but I liked his. His voice was also nice, it’s hard to describe what in particular but it was easy on the ears.
Okay, I’m starting to get off-topic. I’ll skip to the important part. Toward the end of class, he started talking about how he was interested in filmmaking and got a portable video camera as a gift at last year’s Eid. He didn't have it on him, but he showed me a picture.
“Heh, that’s funny, I bought the same one a month ago.” I pointed out.
“Yeah, it's a popular model, I’m still getting the hang of it though cause I’m so used to using my phone.”
“Well, maybe I could bring you over to my place or vice versa after school and I can help you out.” I suggested.
He smiled, putting his phone back in his pocket.
“I thought you said you’ve only had it for a month? You know I can always look up tutorials from trained professionals.” he reminded me with a notable smugness that I'd used with him before.
“Well those guys are stuffy and I’m a fast learner.”
He redirected his attention back to his page, picking his pencil up.
“Alright, I suggest we go somewhere public instead. You’re not exactly the kind of person I want to bring home to my parents right away. Plus they always need to meet my friends and their guardians before I hang out at their home.”
I gave an exaggerated sigh, stretching my back.
“Aw man, looks like we can’t get high in my murder pit during our first hangout.”
He didn't respond for a solid few seconds.
“Wait, you do know I'm joking right?”
He shrugged, the smile in his eyes appearing again.
“I mean, one of those things is a little less believable than the other.” he snickered, and I laughed with him.
We set up a time and a date, which is where I screwed myself. He ended up being busy with projects from his other classes and family which just left us with Friday, the same day I had to submit the video. Now, did I tell him I wouldn't be able to make it? No, of course not, because I decided to be stupid and even more overconfident. I said that I’d one hundred percent be able to hang out with him after school like I didn't have a mutilator who was going to drop by my place at an unknown time.
The rest of the day went over fine but that bad timing led me to feel like a dick later. When I got home I was able to write out my plan, even sketching a few specifics of what I’d do. It was more exciting than when I’d been brainstorming, but this is when the gravity of the situation began to set in. When I said I’d fantasized about killings I meant it. I mean my teddy with twenty-five stab wounds should say enough. Regardless this would be the first time real blood was on my hands.
It made me feel powerful, but a little afraid. I’ve heard stories of people thinking that it would be an awesome experience and then feeling like shit. I doubted I’d be one of those people but still. Plus, I didn't exactly trust the guy who gave me this job. There was a good chance that this whole situation was rigged and they’d kill me no matter how good the video was. Or worse turn me into the feds and expose my collection. Honestly, if that happened I’d probably eat a shot to avoid going to jail. Wait, can I say that on this platform? Okay to the mods, that was a joke, I want to live a long life. Ugh, I’m doing a terrible job of staying on track. The point is there was a lot up in the air despite it being a matter of life or death.
I knew I’d go through with it but it was still a lot less straightforward than it initially seemed. I wracked my brain to remember where most of the cats stayed and tried to come up with a good way to lure one without raising suspicion. This also proved harder than first thought because I didn't think to account for the cat man, an old guy who lived alone and fed all the cats in our dingy complex while also housing a few. Knowing how obsessive he was he’d probably notice if one of them disappeared. Then again not all the cats return consistently or at all. It makes more sense that he’d think one of them was run over rather than slaughtered. It was getting late again so I rested my head for a moment, a bad move cause I ended up falling asleep at my desk. Not even changing out of the clothes I’d worn before, I woke up late and barely caught the bus the next morning.
I went to my usual spot but Abdul had already taken it. He patted the area next to it, which he’d covered in a towel, a smart move knowing how nasty it was. People gave me a few dirty looks as normal, which I smiled at. I stretched, my mind slightly less out of it than the previous morning.
“Uh, you do realize that-”
“Yeah, I know I’m wearing the same clothes.”
Abdul looked me up and down, his eyes remaining soft, but with a mix of concern and judgment. He set his backpack down and took off his sweater handing it to me.
“Dude what are you-”
“Look I don't know what led to you not being able to change but I think you should at least have a fresh top.”
I was surprised he was offering me something to wear but I took it.
“Uh, thanks, I’ll change into it later.”
He nodded as I put it in my backpack.
“You know you didn't have to do that.” I reminded him.
“Well there’s a lot of stuff I don’t have to do, but I do it because I want to, and I wanted to help you out.”
He smiled, his face still warmer than an Arizona summer. I got a strange feeling in my chest at that moment, I still can’t tell if it was good or bad.
“Well, thanks, I'll give it back to you tomorrow.”
We talked a little more and he mentioned something that caught my attention.
“Have you heard about all the animals that have been turning up dead?”
My eyes widened with surprise.
“No, I haven't, when did you hear about that?”
He pulled on his long-sleeve shirt.
“My sister said her friend who works at a shelter noticed a bunch of animals were getting adopted by people around the same time, and since then gore videos with them have been showing up. She found out through her co-worker who was emailed it by some random creep.”
I covered my mouth and looked away to hide the smile growing on my face. He had just given me the perfect cover-up without knowing. Now if I killed an animal people had an entire violent ring to connect it to instead of me! I stayed quiet for a minute because I could tell he’d likely see through any phony sad sounds I made.
“Oh wow, that’s awful, do you think they’ll ever find out the people behind it?”
He sighed, running his hand through his wavy hair.
“I hope so, for now, all we can do is pray that no more animals get hurt.”
I couldn't contain my grin as he said that so sincerely like animals and people didn't die constantly and that taking down one group would somehow stop the issue.
“Is there some joke I don’t get?” he furrowed his brow.
“Uh, no, sorry I smile when nervous.”
His gaze softened again, and he didn't press further.
His bringing up the animal killings ended up being the exact push I needed to get my hands dirty. I’d spent the entire day before planning so it was time to put that plan into action. I stole some cat treats that the cat man had laid out and spread them around my apartment which was on the bottom floor. Waiting for one of them to take the bate outside my window was pretty boring but one of them came after a few minutes. A scraggly brown and black cat with a tuft of fur missing on one side of his head. It's messed up but I felt like a little less of an asshole for taking him in since he looked like he was already struggling. I scooped him up and he didn't attempt to fight back.
“Hey there buddy” I waved, feeding him some more food. His eyes had a lot of crust on them, it was kinda gross but I don’t have the right to say with how often I wash my jeans. After a minute or two he let me pet him. I knew making any kind of attachment was bad but I thought it was the right thing to do so he’d fall into a sense of security. I was just about to take him into my room when the door opened.
“Hey, I’m back with groceries!” my shithead cousin announced with two plastic bags in his hands. He looked down to see me with the cat, his eyebrows raising.
“Aw come on, you know we can’t afford a pet.”
He groaned placing the bags on a table and unloading them.
“I know, but he doesn't look like he’s got a lot of life in him I at least want to help him feel better before he kicks the bucket!”
Brick rolled his eyes, putting the cereal box on top of the fridge
“Jeez, did you even think about what diseases he might have? His eyes look puffy what if he has something that can get you sick?”
He had valid concerns which was surprising since he’s usually stupid, but I was still annoyed with him.
“I’m sure he’s fine, I’ll even try to wash him, just please let me hold onto him for a little.”
He folded his arms looking down at us.
“Have you even named him?”
I froze for a second, before using the first thing that came to mind, which ended up being pretty awful knowing my plans.
“Cash cow.” I blurted, awkwardly patting his head.
“Honestly that’s better than what I was expecting. I was sure you’d pick ‘Hellspawn Mcgee’ or something else corny.”
He meant to make fun of me but honestly, I would have named him that if I had more time.
“Ugh, anyway I got those dumb chips you like.”
He then pulled out a bag of the wrong chips.
“Dude those are the wrong ones, this is the third time you’ve mixed up the flavors.”
He threw them at me, scaring the cat slightly.
“Well, I pay for it so you shouldn't be so picky. Anyway, while I was in line I picked up something you might be into.”
He then tossed me a trashy teen magazine. One of my least favorite sorry excuses for an influencer on the cover.
“This is a joke, right?”
I couldn't believe my own adopted brother gave such little shit in my interests.
“I don't know, you decided to start being a girl for real this time so I thought the makeup tips on page ten would help you out.”
I scrunched my face at his comment.
“Dude I’ve been this way for years, just because I started wearing more makeup and dresses doesn't mean I’m more of a girl than when I didn't. I know you won’t get the two-spirit thing but come on.”
He shrugged, seeing me done with me even though he’d just shown up.
“Yeah well hey I’m trying. Anyway, just so you know a friend of mine is coming here Friday.”
My heart stopped.
“Wait why here? You live elsewhere why can’t you assholes go there or their place!”
He slammed his fist on the table.
“Will you shut the fuck up!”
He screamed with a phrase I’d grown numb to.
“I don't know, to be honest, something about wanting to move into this complex and this being a way to scout it out. I’m just letting you know now so you don’t act like a complete freak.”
“Jokes on you I’ll piss in whatever shitty beer you bring just cause you said that!”
I yelled back raising my voice higher than his. He face-palmed before putting the plastic bags in the drawer under the sink.
“Whatever, you and your ketamine-addict-looking cat have fun,” he told me while seating himself on the couch. I picked up the cat and walked into the bathroom to clean it. I closed the door and placed him in the dry tub. Using a small disposable mouthwash cup I got a little bit of water. I hadn't had a pet before so I wasn't sure how to approach the task. I dipped my fingers in the water and carefully pet it while pouring s small bit down his back. Any other cat would fight back but he just made pissed-off noises without doing anything.
I scrapped my old shampoo bottle and kneaded it into his thin fur. His skin was bumpy and dry beneath the hair so scrubbing it was uncomfortable. I made sure to avoid getting soap in its eyes but I did pull away some of the crust on its lids. His pupils were so clouded I was surprised that he could see at all, making me feel even more sure that he would be on its way out with or without me.
After drying him I set him on a beat-up shirt I wore when modifying clothes. He sunk his claws into it a few times, playing with a loose string. I ignored him for the rest of the night, hopping into the shower and changing for bed. His meows woke me up a few times but I tuned it out after a while, reminding myself that he wouldn’t be my cat for long.
The next day was Thursday and there wasn't a second that passed by where the weight of the murder I’d have to commit didn't weigh on me. I seriously shot myself in the foot by taking care of that scruffy, pubic hair pile. I was supposed to be hyped about killing it, after all, I’d dreamed and seen way worse than what I was going to do. Yet once I got home and started setting up I felt grosser with each step. I decided to record it in my bathroom instead of my bedroom so it would be harder to connect to me. I set down a few fabric scraps and a worn-out beach towel, placing it all inside a tub for easier cleanup later.
“Okay, I guess it's time,” I mumbled to myself. I brought the cat in and placed it down, setting up my camera once it was comfortable. I also wore my most generic clothes in addition to a mask, putting my hair in a bun for sanitation. When I saw the flicker of red showing that the camera was on I felt I was dreaming. I smiled, excited that I’d get to live out my violent desires. Yet, when I looked down at its pathetic frame and confused expression those urges left me.
I rationalized what I was doing, reminding myself how many animals die all the time and that I’d been forced into this, but it didn't help much in the end. I won’t get into it but under the pressure of impressing the group Cash Cow didn't go out as fast as I would have liked for a first task. Getting rid of the evidence was especially rough, the textures were pretty nasty, to put it mildly. It was surreal watching the blood go down the tub drain and gradually drip off my hands as I rinsed them. I couldn't conjure a single thought the entire time I cleaned it up.
Whether I was wringing out the clothes or putting the remains in plastic bags, it didn't matter. All I could focus on was the task at hand, with hints of disgust along the way. I ended up finishing at three AM. My hands were wrinkled and shook once I settled. I won’t deny that during the murder I didn't hate it. Slashing into something was fun and it made me feel strong. Still, it wasn't nearly as fulfilling as I expected it to be. Part of it was guilt, but it was mostly disappointment. I’d built it up for years and it wasn't earth shatteringly good or bad.
Overall, I expected to feel more, but it just left me hollow with an uncomfortable itch. There was no way I’d ever be able to see the tub the same way, hell I don’t think I’ll ever use it again. Luckily I almost always shower anyway so it's not too big of a deal. I watched a few horror game videos, trashed everything, changed and went to bed.
My scalp hurt like a bitch the morning since I kept my hair in that stupid bun. Despite getting less sleep than the past two days I held myself together a bit better in the morning. I brushed my teeth, changed, and had some fried bread before getting on the bus. Regardless I looked like complete shit and struggled to slump into my seat.
“Rough night?” Abdul asked
“Uh, yeah.” I quietly responded looking to the floor.
He frowned, looking at me with concern.
“You can talk about it if you're comfortable,” he assured me. I contemplated giving him a thinly veiled metaphor or vague explanation so he'd comfort me but stopped myself before my mouth could run a muck. He wouldn't be able to do much of anything and I don’t like opening up.
“Uhm, thanks but it's something I have to deal with alone.”
He nodded, respecting my boundaries.
“You know, I understand if you can’t hang out today it seems like you have a lot going on.”
I avoided eye contact with him as he spoke. For once I was feeling hints of guilt toward a person. I wanted to spend time with him, but I knew that I wasn't in the state to do that.
“Yeah, I think it’ll have to wait, I’m-” I cut myself off before apologizing. A fact about me that should surprise no one is that I hate apologizing. Even when I do feel kinda bad the act fills me with embarrassment.
“You what?” he asked, his eyes telling me that he knew what I was going to say.
“I’m emotionally not great.” I spat out in an admittedly poor attempt to get out of saying sorry. As always he remained calm but I could tell he saw through me.
“Okay, like I said I understand, whatever it is I hope you feel better.”
I told him thank you and we didn't speak for the rest of the day. At home I changed into more comfortable clothes and brushed my teeth. Unfortunately, I wasn't bouncing back from killing nearly as much as I expected.
“It wasn't even that bad! That thing was on its last legs anyway.” I grumbled to myself, smacking my forehead. I was feeling worse than when I did it which is weird. I ended up spontaneously decorating a ratty tie from the bottom of an accessory drawer to distract myself. It helped me get my mind off things, for a little. I had zero plan, just wanting to make something needlessly complex. Hours that felt like minutes passed and soon it was covered in patches, frills, and beads. I just tried it on when I heard the front door open.
“Man, that shit was wild!” I heard Brick laugh groggily. I didn't have to see or smell him to know he’d gotten lit. I rolled my eyes, closing my bedroom door.
“Hey, who’s there?” his friend asked, seemingly referring to me.
“Oh, that’s my little sis, don’t mind her she’s just on her emo shit!” he joked, which pissed me off for the petty reason that I didn't even listen or dress emo.
“Hey, that’s alright with me, I went through one of those phases,” they responded, their words less slurred than my cousin’s.
I fucked up and forgot to lock it when I closed it so they were able to swing it open, almost smacking my desk.
“Hey emo girl!” they waved as Brick haphazardly pulled them back.
“Okay, man, seriously I think she wants to be left alone.”
The way his friend looked at me made me uncomfortable. Like they’d snap my neck if I pissed them off. They clicked their tongue while stepping through the door frame.
“Alright, but I gotta say calling her an emo is inaccurate, they look like they watch gore and most emos just say they do.” they flashed a sharp toothy grin. At that moment I began to connect the dots.
“Easy, she’ll get pissy with you dude, now come on.” Brick warned tugging their opened button pushed him away. They looked me dead in the eyes.
“I don’t think she minds, in truth, I feel like we’ll have a lot to discuss later.” they smiled again, finally walking back into the living room. A chill ran up my spine when I saw them. The sharp teeth, New York accent, unsettling gaze, that motherfucker was the person who recruited me! They were able to get into my place so easily cause my dumbass cousin probably gave them a spare key or the opportunity to make one, and now they were a room away from me!
I dug my hands into my pillow as I contemplated what to do, no matter what happened next, I knew it was gonna be a rough visit.

Looking for a wise, mature, not dramatic, intelligent man😁 I'm from Java, I'm a Javanese and I speak Java. Pls don't ask me to read Java programming😂 If you're into Java things, let's talk!!
Anyway Dating nowadays are suck. People tend to do hookups culture instead of having a cute relationship like in the old eras 😅 I wish I could find a gentleman that doesn't see me as a sex object
I'm... - petite (150 cm, 40kg) - funny and silly (people said it) - smiley person. People say I have a cute smile. - a student in university - have pets - learning German in Goethe Institute and I got my A1 certificate. If you're a German, that's a bonus. - I speak 3 languages and soon are 4 - I don't like vegetables ooppss - I don't drink alcohols. Healthy lifestyle bruhhh😎 - I am interested in Badminton and Tennis - my dream, I want to move and have a beach house in Bali
Pics on my profile.
My preference - taller than me. I like a tall man - older than me (as long as not 40+ yo) - Love to travel abroad - Smart and educated. Cuz they're hot!!! - monogamous. - pls must be single not married. I often get messages from married men😓😪 - not fat/chubby. Just be healthy and slim fit
Pretty sure some people don't read this: Pls include your photo on dms. Physical attraction is also important. Thank you 💋❤️

Almost nobody to be fair.
Turning 18 is an important day in the life, isn't it? Yesterday I turned 18. And although I'm not the most popular person, I still have some good friends and people who I talk to. And I hate to bring numbers into this, but only 1 (ONE) of my friends wished me a happy Birthday, or even talked to me Yesterday. and some Twitter 'friends'
Every year I think my Birthday will be the best day of that year, especially this year. But boy, every year I'm just more and more disappointed by the people.
Obviously I'm not perfect either, I too forgot or don't even know about some people's birthday, but I know the most important ones. I didn't even ask for anything - I just need that 30 seconds of your day to write me a fucking message.

My fiance is the best, she put decorations up and made me my favourite foods and we played games. But I admitted to her that I was kind of upset that no one had wished me happy birthday (besides my family and her parents) and the two friends I'd asked to come over for dinner or drinks or games said they were too tired because they had either been on holiday or were working in the morning. Once I said it out loud the emotions were real and I broke down.
I even pointed out it was my birthday in a non-direct way in a group chat and no one wished me happy birthday. Now I'm cleaning the house acting like it's a normal day. Maybe this could be an AITA post too, cuz I'm annoyed at the friends that blew me off as I would have at least made the effort for them.

Yeah, I think I hate my husband. He just can be biggest jerk ever. So, we are planning a trip to the beach for my birthday (we do have an agreement that for our birthday we can ask anything and we will use our money to get it, I said since the beginning what I want is a trip) we are taking advantage of some flights he is getting for free because he is going to the same place for work. So, we booked our Airbnb tonight and I wanted to go eat to this restaurant for my birthday but he told me 2 weeks ago he will have to work on my birthday until 2-2:30pm. I said ok, it’s fine. Then today when I wanted to make the reservation for the restaurant I was thinking out loud and said “I wonder if it’s smart to make the reservation at the restaurant since you compromised to work on my birthday, I’m worried we will not make it on time”… dude got up and got so so mad and starting saying shit and walked away. I stayed there thinking what the heck? Then I got up and I asked him to take the trash out. He ignored me, I called him and asked him again to take the trash out he started saying stuff “why? How is that going to make anything difference on taking it tonight and tomorrow…” I said it was smelling funny and I didn’t want that smell in the house. I was about to take it but he came mad and took the trash out. Then came back inside and started acting upset and I got upset bc I was “what’s the problem?” I brushed my teeth and did all my night routine, dude got in bed and “went to sleep” and I asked him… “what are you so mad about?” He didn’t respond and I said so “you’re just gonna act like that?” “What did I do for you to be mad?” The argument started, he said I told him he “compromised to work on My birthday” bc I was mad, I was trying to make him feel bad, and I was upset about it. I wasn’t upset about it. I was just thinking out loud about the restaurant reservations, so I said, how was I mad when I said that you compromised to work on my birthday? He said then why would you say it? My response was im just thinking out loud, and then he said no you were not. You were saying it because you were mad about it … and we just kept arguing because I really didn’t understand why he is so mad about… Take into consideration that English is not my first language, and I am not from here, so he looked up on Google what compromise means and then he told me that compromise means you doing something that you don’t want to do, even though the understanding for me in my native language means that you agreed to work on that day or do something bc you’re being responsible. He always thinks the worse of me so I wasn’t impressed…and I am here still not understanding what I did wrong. He said that nothing is never enough for me, he started “crying” and mocking me saying “oh poor girl she is going to the beach for her birthday, poor her poor her” and I got very offended at the fact he was mocking me because I never said that going to the beach was not enough and I was not mad about him working but he just kept being upset about it and I was trying to understand and I asked him to explain how me telling him that I was worried about the restaurant and if I should make a reservation was bad. Anyways, he is a jerk. He is always a jerk and he always makes fun of me. He always uses adjectives about me. He told me many many times that he is done and he wants a divorce and I honestly don’t feel heard in this relationship, I don’t feel loved. I don’t feel happy and I am very very miserable. I cry a lot because I hate his jerk comments and I hate the way that he is sometimes, he can be very cocky, have smart ass comments about me and about what I do, he also makes fun of me and my accent in front of people, he also uses me like his little guinea pig to make jokes of me with his friends or with new people, and then he says he loves my culture, and he loves me. I’ve been thinking about divorcing him, I’ve been contemplating the idea on moving out and just going to live by myself, but I feel lonely and I feel scared because I’m alone in this country. I am not worried about being alone and being responsible for myself because believe it or not me as an immigrant make more money that he makes, I have two jobs, I am a very hard-working person, I am a good wife, I keep the house clean, do the laundry, make sure he always has food and I don’t do this because I think it’s my obligation as a woman but because I really care about him, so the fact that he just treated me the way that he does it just breaks my heart because I think i still love him. I am also embarrassed and scared of calling my family and my mother…Tell them all the truth because I always told them that he is a good man and he loves me very well, but they don’t know that he is an asshole a lot of times, and it’s funny that I heard from his high school friends that they told me many times “why did you marry him?” “ What did you see in him” they even told him “what did you do to get someone so good like her, what did you do to get so lucky” His friends like me, I have a great relationship with most of his friends. I am just now thinking he’s always being a jerk. He’s never going to change that’s just the way that he is. Do you guys have any advice? Should I leave him? I know I am not perfect, but he hates the fact that I want to cuddle, he hates the fact that I want to be Sweet, he hates the fact that I want to be cheesy, he is not at all detailist, he never gives me flowers, presents, surprises, anything that is cheesy for him is always a no-no, we don’t do anything that Married couples do, anniversaries,surprises, etc… I don’t think he loves me, even though he sometimes says he loves me, but he loves me only when I agree with everything that he says or has to do or don’t get close to Him, don’t ask him anything, don’t expect Anything… How do I get a divorce? how do I make sure that, I get all my money and everything that is mine like my car and he doesn’t take it away from me? I don’t want to Spend all my savings in lawyers. I hate being with him and hate his personality, I love how creative and smart he can be sometimes but I hate him as a person.

WARNING: Long post. This is my first ever rant in this sub, and I barely have any experience on making posts on Reddit. Not to mention I am still struggling with English essays. So, I apologize before hand for any confusion and errors I made. 🙇
Context: I am a female native Vietnamese, living in a family of four in the North of the country. I just became an official adult few months ago, and is training for college entrance exam.
Ever since I attended 10th grade, my relationship with family has shifted drastically, my bond with my AM is stronger than it used to while in contrast, I have become more resentful to AP. And my resentment is more relevant as I turned 18.
Before talking about our current situation, I want to tell you about my life.
When talking about who I prefer, it is always be AM. Not until now was she emotionally intelligent, well, a bit better than she used to. She tended to forbidding me doing lots of things because of overprotection. Maybe that is why I am often hesitant to try something new. I remember our past fights when she only knew about screaming, threatening, throwing and breaking my stuff like a toddler and I had to bare with it because you know, I was 10-13 in a fucking Asian society. After she quit her dead-end job, she opened her own business, goes outside and studies more, she becomes more enjoyable to be around with. But after all the bs, I have always have choosen her for love and security. And this is the first time I realized that.
Moving on to AD. Between kindergarten to 5th grade, AD and I were quite close. At least, that what I thought because I was slow and naive, really naive. Despite being "quite close", I still remember the times he yelled and hit me for slight inconvenience. I still have the memory of the scar left by his belt for not doing what he wants. Also, in 10th grade, during COVID, children had to study online. I was the only one who knew how to and had to open the Zoom for my sister. One time, our classes started at the same time, I was on the rush and forgot about the Zoom of my sister. AD did not know how to open Zoom, he was pissed. As a result, he threw my stuff at the wall and forced me to clean up his mess.
Growing up in this household, I just recently notices how much of a kid he is. He is stubborn, conservative and always full of himself. AD is not the type who listens to others but loves everyone following him, always claiming he is right no matter what. He has no dream, no desire to be better. His pride is higher than his care for the kids. And like many deadbeat father and husband out there, he is a good for nothing. AD will be a grumpy and sour when anything slightly inconvenients him. Even when that "anything" is extremely vital for the well-being of his daughters. AD does not contribute anything in the house, not even his marriage nor the kids' education, only bosses around and sees red when one thing doesn't go out his way. Not to mention, he demands respect and worship for having a job offered by his rich brother and feeding the family aka doing the bare minimum.
Back to the present, after my 17th birthday, AD becomes dismissive and degrading than before. Everytime I talk about my issues WITH MY MOM, he will interrupt and dismiss them. Moreover, he starts to talk more about how hard his past is. Nothing much, just the typical "back in my days..." of immature oldies. AD is a gen X born two years after the end of Vietnam War, I totally get that he had been through shit. But the way he talks, he sounds like he takes pride from it, glorifies his struggles with a smug attitude. AD does not say it directly how proud he is about it, but by listening the way he scoffs at young city dwellers' issues, I sense not only arrogance but also bitterness.
Now, seeing his face is enough to drain my energy, let alone hearing his bs. I am surprised, everyone else is surprised that AM has not divorced him, especially after being as equally educated as lots of divorced women out there.
That is all for now, I may edit this post for more context in the future. If there is any questions you would like to ask, I will answer in the edits or in the replies. Thank you for spending time reading my rant.

Hello fellow Redditors looking for a partner in crime! I'm a 30 year old with a stable career in finance. I am ready to start dating as I'd like to find someone to share my life with, so thought I'd give this a try !
I can be funny, witty, smart, charming and chivalrous. Am not athletic or a regular gym person but I am slim and fit.
I am told that am a can inspire,motivate and empower people. I can hold the most serious conversation and discuss the universe with you or I can clown around if that makes you happy to keep the mood light.
For fun I enjoy spending time with my family and friends, traveling, putting together puzzles, listening to music, upgrading or repairing my electronic devices, reading, going to the movies or just watching Netflix! I am a big 'ol fan of spreadsheets so let me know if we can geek out together over the best way to analyze data with them!
DEAL BREAKERS
I'm a nerd that loves efficiencies so let me hit you with the dealbreakers I need first so we don't waste our time: - You are Strictly over 25 (that’s the lowest I’ll consider although my preferred range is 28-38) - single - willing to endure long distance communications (text and / or voice or video) while I work on relocating closer to you - I am a work in progress figuring out life and don't have it all together just yet, so I don't mind you being a work in progress
All of these are not to knock anyone in a different situation, but just to find someone that has a good chance of making it past an introduction .
Things I am also looking for: a woman that's kind, smart, takes initiative, wants a healthy relationship, takes care of herself, has the time to build a relationship, and seeks an equal partner in life's adventures.
Plus points for intellect. Things like: * How you think; * How you respond - (basic Grammar and spelling); * What are your views on things around us; * How you carry out a conversation; * How you type your messages; * If you notice the details; * The idea is I get to know you better.
If you've made it this far, thank you for spending your time and effort! If you think we might be a good fit please reach out and , and I'll reply (as soon as possible) ! I look forward to receiving your thoughtful and inquisitive responses.
If any of the above appeals to you or you wish to make enquiries , please send me a Reddit Chat (Preferred) or Direct Message
Thank you once again for taking the time to read this.
Here's a sample introduction: "Hello there, I am Katherine, 30 years old, from Melbourne, Australia. I found your post interesting and hope to get to know you better."
Yours truly Neel

In kindergarten (sorry I'm from singapore so we follow British but if im not wrong its like 5-6 years old) I already accepted Christ into my life. But my mom is a "I hate Christians!!" kind of person so I didnt dare to tell her anything. I didn't really have a good relationship with my mom cos to her studies are everything and she made me (until now) think that I'm never good enough. And I was only in primary school thinking my mom doesn't like me. I'm worthless, I want to kms. I made plans to grab the knife from the kitchen, jump off and things like that. Eventually I resulted to scratching my own skin cos I feel most pain when it's right at the nerve uk.
My whole life was until the end of primary school (12) was only to do things to make my mom happy. I wouldn't mention a word about Christianity to her. And when my mom was out at night, me, my dad and my sisters would worship. The moment the door opens, I scramble into the room. This also make me walk far from God and I would curse, swear and stuff. One day in P6, the last year of primary school (12 years old) I thought "Hey, I'm Christian so why am I swearing? Isn't this a sin?" So I stopped cursing. Of course, my mom wouldn't want me going around cursing but I didn't really do it for her, but rather for God. But I still didn't want to tell her about it.
When I graduated from Primary school, in Secondary (Sec) school, I finally got to bring my phone to school (13 years old), but my mom still could track me. Anyways I got to listen to some worship songs my dad sent to me and because I didn't have a music player downloaded and wasn't allowed to download any apps, I would listen through the WhatsApp audio player thing😭😭 on the way home. Usually on Sundays whene my mom isn't home,my dad would bring me to church. Then of course my mom would find out and scold me and this continued until sec 2 (14).
In Sec 3 (15 years old), I had whole control of my phone so I would listen to worship music on the way home. One day in, my dad brought me to church. My mom saw my location and immediately got mad because she knew where my dad's church is and also because my older sister attends service too and my mom was not happy. Since then, I was afraid to go to church. My mom even cornered me one day and made me promise not to go to church or I can forget calling her my mom. I kept crying that night and never dared to go to church (mind that i dont even cry often).
But towards mid year(?) I just decided ok Imma go to church. She can get angry but it won't really stop me. Because I got to know God through worship songs and now I wanted to know him more.
I regularly started praying in the morning on the way to school. Eventually my prayers became a ritual and dry. I felt no emotion and no pull towards God. Only on days when I was really upset/angry then I would feel Him comforting me. One day I really wanted to be the captain in my CCA (it's like after school activities but still part of school programs) and I didn't get it. I was so upset I cried on the way home because I actually put in so much effort into it. Then I became vice captain so ig that counts.
Anyways I became really upset and got frustrated because I didn't prove myself enough. I had so low expectations of myself, got depressed again, but I couldn't vent it out because I couldn't hurt myself anymore after learning my body is a temple of God. So I got super frustrated. I prayed for guidance decided to free up my Saturdays I went to church. Youth services for Secondary school students were on Saturdays and not Sundays so yeah. Towards like October last year I cleared up my Saturdays so I could go more regularly to church, and my mom was defo not happy AT ALL that I went with my own initiative. She ignored me for several weeks and of course I felt lonely and all buy eventually I felt okay because she doesn't even know me sooooo.
I'm still trying to patch up my relationship with her. Honestly, it's so strained I don't know what to do. I've prayed that she would accept Christ everyday but uhh nothing. This doesn't mean I don't believe in God if not this would not exist
One day I was fellowshipping with my dad. Why we did that is because of a long story that would be saved for another day.
But this is the part where it's important
Previously I had dreams and I shared with my dad because he is more experience in deciphering gifts and stuff (I'm sorry if you don't believe in gifts but I do!) And he told me to pray about it because I somehow knew these dreams had meaning and relation to God. A number of dreams had direct inference to God. I did pray about it, and also asked God along these lines; "God, give me guidance. I have strayed and I know. Lord please let me understand, and let me also be close to You. I want to know You, and I know, I haven't read the word. Lord, motivate me to read the scripture, and while reading let me also understand the dreams I have been having my whole life."
I can't remember what I said exactly. The one 9f the church sermons on one week talked about how God is not far, but we are far. And I felt that that was for me. Then one day my dad said to me and my older sister "I don't care you have to download the Bible rn" so I downloaded it but did nothing with it. Finally, one day I was late for work (yes I worked when I was 15 because I actually want an electric guitar) and it was New Year's Eve. My colleague texted me saying she'd pick me up and I said and quote "Isokkk I walk over" (me) ... "Give me your block" (colleague) "Omd tyyy" (me)
Part of me didn't want her to fetch me because it would be troubling her. But I don't know why I waited and was thinking "bruh I could've reached by now but she's late" but I just waited. I was wearing full white that day. And this woman must've thought I was going to church because it was a Sunday morning.
And she asked "Hello, are you going to church?"
I said "oh no no, I have church at night because it's countdown service. (basically the youth services brought our church service from Saturday 4pm to Sunday 8pm because we wanted to countdown service together)"
She said," Oh! So you're Christian! Do you read the Word often?"
I blushed because so many signs and I haven't read a single word. "No," I was so embarrassed
She continued "I used to be a teacher, a lecturer in a University (if im not wrong) There is a website called 7 minutes with God. It was originally created for Harvard students because they were busy and didn't have time to spend time with God." Then I couldn't hear what she said because she was talking so fast. All I knew was she was summarizing the website and encouraged me to read it.
I read it like on January 2nd this year on the way to school ( I'm 16 this year!!! But not 16 yet because as I said, it's not my birthday yet or anytime soon)
I was so inspired that I kept on reading the Word and devoted mornings to not only prayers (that I allowed God to guide me and not just pray for the sake of praying) but also for reading the Word!
See, when I prayed to have motivation to read the Word more, God gave me the sign THREE TIMES which I did not pick up until the 3rd sign, the lady. The first time during the sermon I was like "Yes God, I will do it!" but did nothing. The second time when my dad asked me to download the app version of the Bible, I said "Yes God, this is the sign!" and did not do anything. I got discouraged because my dad thinks I'm funny and wouldn't take my words seriously omd 😭. But the third time, God literally sent a random woman I don't know and told me to read. And I read, praise God!
this is the part where it relates to the meme
Because when I went to the shower I kept laughing because I thought of this meme. I didn't read the word or get touched because it was a coincidence. So coincidence? I think not! It's a miracle ❤️❤️❤️
I finished Mark and the New Testament, I'm currently at John right now.
Just now, after a meeting with my cell group (a small group for easier prayers etc in church), I was listening to worship music, and my grumpy dad was like "GO AND SHOWER" liek chill brou. So I went to the toilet with my headphones on and sat on the floor and just continued listening to worship music. Then my dad sent in the family group chat (just me, my older sister and him, my mom got mad and left) an article about this man called Patrick Lee/Bezalel. He is a local artist faithful in Christ
But reading halfway I kept crying because I was so touched (again I do no lt cry, but I related so much I cried even though nothing had to do with me, but it was like my mother's story where she had a hard of stone towards God) and then my phone went flat 😐 So I risked it and ran out to get my charger but thank God (like actually) my dad didn't scream like he would. Then I sat at the toilet floor and continued reading. Tears kept flowing down my face because Patrick Bezalel's story was such a miracle, and God kept giving him signs that God existed! And removed the layer of stone that surrounded the man's heart and made it soft and open to God again!
After that I continued worshipping God and was listening to worship music (yes in the toilet because I literally have 0 privacy because none of my parents think I need it). I kept crying because the songs were so related. Can you imagine? It went in this order:
1.Presence,Power,Glory 2.Hosanna 3.Promises 4.Holy Forever
Again, coincidence? I THINK NOT. It was so planned, like it was in my playlist for so long and I haven't really thought much about it. Tears kept streaming down and kept going and through sobs I silently prayed to God
"Oh my dear God you have been so so good to me, and so faithful to me Lord. You have guided me, guided my heart and nothing has gone wrong in Your hands Lord. I've been through the turning point I've prayed for. You have sent people, songs and my family members to come after me to open up to You Lord. Lord, I was having a CG (cell group) meeting and something just touched my heart. I am now sitting on the toilet floor and typing this, because Lord you have made a way to touch my heart, guide me through a prayer that came deep down from inside of me Lord, thank You for providing. Thank You God for the miracles You have did in my life, and all that I prayed for has came through Lord. The turning point I prayed for was when that lady had spoken to me about how to set aside time for You and the Word. Lord let me not forget this incident, this turning point, this miracle Lord. Let me put my trust in You Lord, and let You take my hand and let my life be walking next to You faithfully Lord. Lord I pray that I would not waver, and I would not take my eyes away from You. Even when I am crossing and walking toward You on water in the sea, let my eyes be on You, and the works You have done for me, and not be distracted by the worls around me, but to keep my eyes on You diligently Lord. Lord, I am a sinner, and now, I was, for You have sent Jesus Christ, Your Son, to die on the cross for me. Lord, I believe in You and I want to accept You in my life Lord, no matter what situation I am in. Lord, let people around me see Your love, joy, and faithfulness in me, and not let them see the girl I was before. Let them see change, and the love and desire I have for You, Lord. Let them see Your greatness, Your goodness and You. I thank You for everything You have done, and in Jesus's name, I pray that I will walk faithfully alongside You, and will not fail to continuously pray and worship You God. Thank You Lord for the miracles, for this turning point. Thank You God for guiding me, and let me be the branch that bears fruit, and let me be the branch that has life only through Jesus, Who is the vine, Who the reason I live Lord, Who is the reason I have life. Praise the Lord! Amen!"
This is the first time I prayed for so long and every one word was truly from deep down fron the depths of my heart. I couldn't stop crying. I really couldn't and I can't emphasize more that I don't cry often! Either it hurt me so much or that God moved my heart. This time was tears of joy.
I hope this could inspire someone out there, because in another prayer I prayed for those who needed God, even if I didn't know them.
Pray. Pray and ask God to help you seek Him. One thing I learnt from a sermon is the fervency in your prayers. I didn't mean to add this in but I suddenly saw this note I wrote on 25th February.
Title: fervency in prayer Fervency: being excited about something keen on something
At the heart of revival is the spirit of prayer • pray fervently • pray with faith
"But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed"
To be fervent in prayer is to pray tenaciously despite our struggles
Hopefully this helped someone out there, inspired you and is one of your signs to start giving your life to Him! It is actually proven 1 in 3 people are Christians. Isn't our goal to have this faith to reach all four corners of the world? It could sound impossible in the past, but now there is social media, anyone could read and realize "Hey God is actually with me!"

My bf and I are financially comfortable. We have stable jobs, stays with our parents and no other commitments. I love to travel and when we go on vacation, I pay for my share for everything. We had plans for two vacations this year to neighboring countries, and I suggested going on another vacation for this year but he told me that it was "excessive". I tried to find out what were his concerns but he did not share anything except that he thinks two vacations a year is sufficient. I asked if he would then be alright with me going on solo trips or with my family, but he was not agreeable to that, and this essentially meant that it is his way or the highway but after months of convincing him he reluctantly agreed to consider going on a third vacation.
My birthday was this week and in the days leading up to it I told him that I'm eyeing some skincare which is more expensive than what I would usually spend on. We have the tendency to be open about the gifts we want from each other as we prefer giving practical gifts, and we tend to not mind the cost of it as long as our gifts are put to good use. He mentioned to keep to the budget of three hundred which was too much since what I wanted cost lesser than that, hence out of curiosity I asked what made him derive that amount and he said "because fifty bucks would not be enough for you".
I was previously already upset when he said that going on three vacations a year is excessive, and this comment made me more upset because it felt that he is insinuating that I am too expensive to be in a relationship with. I told him that what he said do not sit well with me. He proceeded to throw a huge tantrum and raised his voice at me in public midway through our meal, berating me for starting an argument and stirring shit which caused me to breakdown and cry.
I walked away and returned after I have calmed myself down and tried explaining to him why I am upset and he proceeded to throw another tantrum at me and continously defended himself and said that he feels that what he said was ok and there is nothing wrong at all. I finally snapped too and told him that while he is entitled to his feelings, my feelings are as valid as his, and I am telling him that I am hurt by his words. I asked if he is telling me that his feelings are more important than mine and so what I feel don't matter at all? We went home in silence and after we got home, he transferred me a thousand dollars which further angers me. That was never the point, I never wanted his money. The fact that he still did not understand the reason why I was hurt even though I tried to explain it to him and just tried to resolve it with more money felt offensive to me.
I cried for hours thereafter and told him that if this relationship is becoming too expensive for him to sustain then perhaps we should just call it quits. I do not wish to sacrifice my freedom of being able to travel for someone who feels that I am only worth fifty dollars despite our years of being together and after standing by him all these while through hardships. I then transferred him his money back, adding a fifty bucks to it and I told him if I am only worth fifty bucks to him, I will pay him fifty to buy myself out of this relationship.
He has been asking to talk since but I don't see any point to it since the past two times we tried to speak ended up with him throwing tantrums at me. He said that he has been trying to make amends but I am not giving him the chance to but I pointed out to him that making amends starts from apologizing which he had not done so. Since then, he has been telling me how sorry he is over text and that is about it. I feel so dead inside because this was no longer the man I saw in him when we first got together. AITAH for not giving him another chance? Am I being too sensitive?

My son is finally old enough to really be excited about his birthday, and boy is he! He wants a pirate party, he loves pirates! He has a hook and a hat that he wears everywhere, everyday, and they are just about beat up now . I have been laid off and injured for a couple months, we are extremely behind on rent, behind on all of our bills, our water is about to get shut off. I don't mean to tell a sob story, just kind of paint a picture. I've been looking into assistance with rent and utilities, I'm not making much headway, no one has any funds for rental assistance and I haven't found any utility assistance yet. But all of this is happening when my son is turning four, we would really really like to be able to get him some gifts and have a party for him, someone told me about this Reddit thread, and also about Amazon wish list. I made a wish list, maybe, just maybe, with the help of some wonderful strangers, my little guy can have a awesome birthday. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this I hope you all have a beautiful day. https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/R26TKNAG00AB?ref_=wl_share

there is this girl that i really, REALLY like. ive been liking her for 2 years now. a few months ago, i started dating her. she broke up with me, then pretty quickly started dating somebody else. i wish i can say that that was the end but its not. i still liked her. honestly, a little more then before. heres the kicker though. I WISH i could say her bf a bad person who treats her bad or something, but hes not. her boyfriend is such an awesome person. hes fun to be around, hes funny, kind, treats her well, and is a drama free nice guy. hes fairly nice looking too. I honestly feel like an asshole for trying to date her while she has a bf. i talk to her daily all the time. i havent been directly flirting with her or asking her out, but i feel bad for thinking about it. Am a shitty person for this?

there is this girl that i really, REALLY like. ive been liking her for 2 years now. a few months ago, i started dating her. she broke up with me, then pretty quickly started dating somebody else. i wish i can say that that was the end but its not. i still liked her. honestly, a little more then before. heres the kicker though. I WISH i could say her bf a bad person who treats her bad or something, but hes not. her boyfriend is such an awesome person. hes fun to be around, hes funny, kind, treats her well, and is a drama free nice guy. hes fairly nice looking too. I honestly feel like an asshole for trying to date her while she has a bf. i talk to her daily all the time. i havent been directly flirting with her or asking her out, but i feel bad for thinking about it. Am a shitty person for this?

I met this cute young man on Tinder and we both go to the same school and live close by. We have similar interests and chatted for an hour and he went with me to a store the same day. He was so sweet the entire time. I texted him to thank him and he asked to get food and go on a drive that night. I accepted and we went. He said he wanted something long-term on his profile and I asked “Just curious, what are you looking for” he said “I’m open for anything, what do you want” I told him a long-term relationship and he said he wants that too and asked to kiss me (I was his friend kiss) we also made out too. We spent the next day together and we napped together too.
I noticed that he liked to kiss, and make out despite knowing him for a short bit. He’s a very sweet, nerdy, funny, intelligent young man and I told him that a lot. Later that night he asked if I wanna sleep in his room which I did (note we didn’t have sex just cuddled and kinda dry humped a bit). For the most part, our interactions were wholesome and he looked at me with sweet, adoration, infatuated, loving eyes.
Several times he told me he likes me and wants something. One evening he told me he’s sad about leaving school, and is worried about the distance. I reassured him I’d visit because I don’t live far and he said “It’s not that, I don’t know what I want” and he shared how he’s nervous and emotionally unready. He said he was so sorry for hurting me, doesnt wanna lead me on, and he wished we could be more.
He shared something traumatic had happened to him recently and got a bit emotional. So I held him and comforted him while he shared what happened. I cried a bit and he wiped my tears which was embarrasing.
I got him something from the market after He’s clearly hurting. I later texted him if I could go to his room. And he responded in abrevations instead of full length and said he was tired but I texted I just needed my stuff. When I got there he looked tired and gave me a side hug but I didn’t talk much and gave him a weak side hug.
This has caused a spike in my OCD, anxiety, and some depression right. A few days after he liked a bunch of my stories but has updated his Tinder a few times. I saw him recently and he smiled and we chatted for a short time about finals, I told him I meant to message him and I hope he’s doing well. I dont remember much from the convo. He later said he had to go to his car to move out. The convo was civil and short but sweet.
I really wanted something. My friends tried to reassure me that he lost a great potential girl, he’ll be crawling back when nothing worked, he will miss me, he’ll remember me, and he is not going to get any matches. I don’t want that mom. I want him. But I want advice because I’m hurting. I wonder what happened? Did I frighten him? Did he get nervous? Did he have second thoughts and left? Is he trying to cope this way?

okay so for starters i have a friend who was trying to help me get to know his friend, he thought that we would go well with each other knowing our personalities. My friend made a day for him, his friend, me, and my sister to go out for the day. After getting to meet him i really did like this dude he was really funny and overall what i would look for in a partner. We all made a group chat a week or two after the initial hangout to make plans for something else. I started to notice the way my sister would talk to him or interact and to be honest i kinda of brushed it off cause i had told her and another friend about my friend trying to help me out with his friend. I really didn’t think much of it cause like why would my own sister to that to me, until it continued happening and the way she would talk and interact with him started bugging me. I wasn’t the only one noticing though cause my other friends also starting questions whether they had something going on so i knew i wasn’t going crazy. Mind you she doesn’t act like this with anyone of our friends so that is why i had my initial confusion. I confront my sister about it like 2 weeks ago but she was acting oblivious to what i was saying, i thought the whole thing was just disrespectful and i preached to her that i would never do something like that to her. She stopped for a few days but she was even doing it at our birthday party. At this point i don’t even wanna try and get to know this dude or even wanna date him at this point anymore but im just overall so upset that my sister would do something like this to me. I don’t even know what to do anymore im just so hurt. My friend who tried hooking us up was also upset because he also noticed it happening. What do i do at this point when she continues to do this infront of my face????

I was seeing someone for past 5 months. She’s beautiful, funny, attentive and charming. She would go all out for me, tell me how much she appreciated me, but I felt an emotion disconnected from her. At first I blamed this on my attachment issues, but I still had a desire to get close to her. The first red flag, was that we didn’t really make conversation and I never felt she was interested in me as a person. She would call me handsome but I never felt like she wanted to know me as a person. Never engaged me about myself or my goals Yet she claimed she loved me.
The major issue arose when I noticed her short temper. Drama was always around her, history of family and relationship issues. I tried to get closer to her, but she claims that she doesn’t like taking about herself. Suddenly her anger started coming out on me. On my birthday, she planned a beautiful dinner, got a room. It was great up until she said her phone wasn’t having trouble receiving calls. I told her we should call the company, and try to get that resolved. Unfortunately her phone was not able to be fixed, she got into bed I layed next to her, she then blew up. She said that I should’ve just listened to her, instead of pressuring her to fix her phone, that I just made things worse. I apologized, and said that it seems to me that her phone was important since she needed it for work. That I didn’t enjoy my bday with her. Later that night, we were intimate and she told me that I didn’t not know how to please her and shouldn’t have wasted her time, and that we were sexually incompatible and I should find someone else to practice on. Once again I tried to fix things. I no longer felt confident being intimate with her after. I felt like In my own head when I’d try to please her.
She occasionally had outburst saying that I should be more obsessed with her, how she wished I wanted her as much as she wanted me, and how I couldn’t love her how she wanted to be loved. I apologized, for making her feel this way, and once again blamed it on my attachment issues.
I did start confront her about the mean things she would say and how it made me feel to which she replied, “ you must live a very privileged life if that’s offensive, I’ve been told way worse” and told her that still didn’t make things okay. She did apologize for saying hurtful things.
I started getting resentful, the thought of hanging out with her caused me dread, and our I was always careful of how I said things. She got into an argument with her dad recently and I tried to comfort her and I said “ it sucks your dad made you feel like that, I’m sorry and etc…” and she said “ everytime some says That sucks, it makes me feel like they don’t really care about what I have to say” and then I had to apologize for using the term “ that sucks “
Everytime we got into an argument, I felt stupid, I felt like I was a child getting yelled at. I felt like I was walking on eggshells, scared of saying something wrong.
I care for her deeply but my mental health started to get worse. I don’t like how this relationship made me feel. I wanted to be close to her like she wanted to be close to me. She said I made her so happy. She did a lot of sweet things and I attempted to match that, but I always felt scared, unsure and conflicted. I’m no saint and did my best. But I chose to end things, I felt I was unable to meet her needs and scared. And yet I find myself obsessing if I should have tried harder, if I was the issue. I miss her.

there is this girl that i really, REALLY like. ive been liking her for 2 years now. a few months ago, i started dating her. she broke up with me, then pretty quickly started dating somebody else. i wish i can say that that was the end but its not. i still liked her. honestly, a little more then before. heres the kicker though. I WISH i could say her bf a bad person who treats her bad or something, but hes not. her boyfriend is such an awesome person. hes fun to be around, hes funny, kind, treats her well, and is a drama free nice guy. hes fairly nice looking too. I honestly feel like an asshole for trying to date her while she has a bf. i talk to her daily all the time. i havent been directly flirting with her or asking her out, but i feel bad for thinking about it. Am a shitty person for this?

so there was this classmate i had crush on for years. she friendzoned me after a while. when i confessed after sometime while in the friendzone, she said that she was really unhappy that a friend of her did this. i said sorry and lied that i was forced by my friends to say that i like her. after a while, we used to talk on text a lot. she got a boyfriend after a while too. we used to talk till late sometimes and share our happenings in life. i was innocent back then, and immature. some months ago, i came to know how girls friendzone for the sake of attention. the situation matched too well. i started avoiding her. i felt so disgusted and bad with a feeling of being used. i used to help her with homework, would gift her card and all on her birthdays. i used to reply to her texts instantly. after months of avoiding her, she texted me today. i just told how i see her just as someone who makes friends just to seek attention. she said that im a fool. i didn't see her efforts. efforts like staying up late just to talk with me and make me feel better. i just told i don't ever wanna see her again, after what she did to me. she would insist me to spend time with her and her boyfriend irl. which imo was to create a sense of jealously in me. i kinda hate her now. she always gave me mixed signals. but it took a whole year for me to move on, thanks to my doubts that she was an attention seeker. wish i knew about all this when i was young, atleast i would've gone out of the friendzone earlier then. anyways, but now i feel a little guilty. what if she was not an attention seeker and really was nice. but a part of me still says that what i did was good. i'm confused. should i say sorry to her or should i just never text her ever again.
tldr - crush made me friend. i confessed but she continued friendship and used to give mixed signals. i started avoiding her, and today just broke all contacts by telling her everything. was what i did wrong?

I wish there were some kind of filters or categories for things you want to see on YT shorts. I'm so bored of seeing Biden and trump videos, or people with cameras standing in police stations recording waiting for reactions, influencers trying to promote their only fans, paid actors sitting on roads blocking traffic and just all the rage baity stuff
Do not recommend doesn't actually work, blocking channels doesn't actually work. I just sometimes want to watch funny stuff, or animals being saved or anything other than 95% of the stuff I'm seeing.
The saddest part about reels/shorts is I've been making actual Smurf accounts to get around the algorithm. Can we just get a real way to stop seeing certain things? So boring man