DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/OddDot5178 in AITAH
trigger warnings: possible transphobia, possible mental health issues, manipulation
​
NOTE: Because everyone will wonder, I am addressing this right now. While OOP's child identifies as non-binary, she uses "she/her" pronouns and presents as a female. This is why OOP refers to her as her daughter.

AITAH For Not Wanting To Raise My NB Daughter's Baby? - Feb 7, 2024
My daughter came to me at 16 and said she was non-binary, but only sometimes. Like, some days she would feel more male than female and some days she would feel like neither. She wanted me to ask her every day what day it was and then refer to her as that pronoun of the day.
I told her that wasn’t going to fly. Growing up, I spent a lot of time on LJ (Livejournal) during the ol’ ‘bun-self’ and ‘zen-self’ ‘zir-self’ days. People who think this is new to this generation are fooling themselves. I told her that I would call her the pronoun she wanted, and do my best to remember it day to day, but she was going to have to tell me what she wanted for that day. I wasn’t going to play a daily guessing game.
This went on for about a week or two until she finally seemed to grow tired or bored and just said I could call her ‘her’. Though she still identifies as non-binary. Fine. (At least when it was going on she wanted ‘she, he, or they’ — I’m sorry but I couldn’t have done fox-self/fox-them with a straight face).
So that’s the pronoun story and looking back where I think things started to go off the handle. Here’s my real question.
My daughter is now 18, pregnant, and seems to have lost her god damned mind. Or I’m an asshole. You choose.
This year has been a struggle. She wanted to take a break year before she goes to community college, but can’t keep a job. Apparently, retail situations are too phobic against her non-binary state. (My child looks/acts/dresses exactly as a young adult female btw. When I ask how people are being phobic against her, she gets as prickly as a cactus so I really don’t know the details.). She’s been through 4 or 5 jobs this year, quit all of them. She won’t consider call centers that aren’t face to face because she doesn’t like to talk on phones, and is apparently looking for a remote job without any luck.
She’s been unemployed since Thanksgiving (she quit her last job on Black Friday, in fact) and I was on the verge of laying down the law, telling her she either needs to go to school this upcoming semester full time or get a full time job or move out with her friends.
But now she’s come to me and she’s 5 months pregnant. She’s very angry at me, says it’s my fault because:

• I didn’t put her on puberty-blocking hormones when she came to me 2 years ago.
• She believes I am in fact trying to ‘feminize her’ by getting her birth control. (The pill.). She’s been throwing her prescription away.

This is where I might be the asshole. I called her a little idiot. We don’t use that sort of language in my house, and I never call people names — especially my own child — but at that moment I could just see red.
The hormone thing is a non-issue IMO because this is the first time I ever heard of her wanting hormones. What was I supposed to do? Go back in time?
As for the birth control! It’s also the first time I’m hearing anything about this! There are non-pill options that don’t have estrogen. If that was her want, all she had to do was ask and I would have driven her to the doctor myself! Or she could have taken the car she has and done it. She has her own medical card, even! Though to be fair, I don’t know how she would have managed the co-pay without a job. I know for a fact her old high school gave out free condoms like candy because her friends were always giggling over flavored sample packs and even blew a few of them up like balloons and left them around the house one time. She had all the birth control she could ever want and used none of it.
It gets worse.
We’re way past the date of abortion (again, I would have helped her if this had been her wish! We live in an abortion protected state and can afford it!). She’s known she was pregnant since about 2 months and has come to think of her baby like a sibling. She expects me to raise it like it was mine. That this is my duty, in fact, because she says it is my refusal to accept her non-binary state that led to her being pregnant. So she was going to get a brother or sister and I was going to have another child.
You can say my language grew … sterner to versions of ‘Get your head out of your ass’ and ‘Congratulations, mommy, you have some hard decisions to make’, and I said I would absolutely not raise her baby for her.
She also refused to say who the father was. Now that I’ve cooled down, I’m really hoping she has a secret boyfriend. She does have some friends who were born male, but now also don’t identify that way. We didn’t even get there as I lost my mind when she said she thinks of her own baby as a sibling and wants me to raise it like my own child.
She’s locked herself in her room loudly wailing, I feel like crap warmed over. She’s been in there for 12 hours, and as she has an attached bathroom, probably won’t be coming out until she gets hungry. Considering it’s been half a day I think she has snacks stored.
I also don’t know where to go from here. Being pregnant sucks and messes with your head, so I’d like to blame that and the fear she must be feeling, but … I have the bad feeling I either raised a spoiled brat or someone with an emerging personality disorder.
So I need to know from people who aren’t emotionally involved, and maybe some people who are more in tune with this whole nonbinary thing than I am.
What do I do to help while also making her responsible for her own child? How can I help my daughter accept she must do basically the most feminine thing you can do (give birth and possibly breast-feed) while being sensitive that she’s non-binary? Am I just a big asshole here?
Typing all this out it feels like my daughter is lost in crazy town. I'm still not raising her baby but at what point do I drag a legal adult to the hospital?
Edit: You might disagree with my choices or wording, but I'm reporting people who call this bait. It's not.
Edit2: It's the middle of the night and she has decided to pack some of her clothes and stay with one of her friends. (One who I suspect is the baby daddy). Before she left she told me that she already called the police and let them know that she was 'leaving of her own free will and was not in danger'. Like I was going to report an 18 year old adult as a runaway or something? It was insulting.
I told her she needs to work out details if she wants to adopt with the father, and she was welcome back home when she had a plan in place.
It was short because I heard her on the way out. I think she just meant to leave without saying anything.
Thank you for your kind comments and advice, Reddit. I'm going to sleep.
Commenters agreed that OOP's child wasn't thinking straight:
Comment 1:
NTA.
I hate to say this, but; I sincerely hope OP's daughter chooses to give up this baby for adoption, because she's a confused hot ass mess. I don't blame OP for not wanting to step on the crazy train and raise this baby.
Comment 2:
Let’s be honest: If OP says yes to raising this child as her own, it will be the first of several. Daughter won’t take BC, so she will continue to have unprotected sex and get pregnant. She decided a couple years ago that she’s NB, expected her mother to understand that and know everything about it, and is now rewriting history to blame her mom for her now being pregnant. My head is swimming, and she’s not my daughter! There will be more babies.
Comment 3:
NB here OP.
You are SO NTA. I feel sympathy for your kid because they sound like they are so confused, maybe have body dysphoria and are now facing a life altering situation with no way out. They must feel so trapped. So they turn on you. It's easier for them to yell at and blame you instead of accepting responsibility. They are looking for a way out. We all keep changing and growing and your kid is SO young they seem to not know who they are yet and now they have to face looking after a baby when they know deep down they can't even really take care of themselves.
But my GOD the thing they did that was really stupid was chucking BC away. That is actually wild. Your kid needs to learn the difference between gender enforced stereotypes and actual biology. With biology it unfortunately doesn't matter what gender you are, the biology doesn't care, it still works the same. They NEED to learn that and differentiate.
Like I said, NTA OP. What a shit situation. I hope it gets better. I really do.
Comment 4:
NTA, your child is in fact a little idiot, with behavior that would be an absolute nightmare had you not been their parent. Also birth control isn’t a form of feminization, it’s a form of responsibility when you’re born in a body with a uterus and want to have sex that can result in pregnancy.
OOP's response:
Ugh, I wish I had those words when she hit me with that one. I sort of sputtered for a few minutes.
Comment 5:
Oh man, this is a can of worms within itself.
I wish I had better advice but just...I feel for you and the position you are stuck in.
The ONLY thing I can think of is, referring to breast feeding as "chest feeding" might make your NB daughter accept it more.
But like...there's a whole other level of things you need to get through first.
First and foremost, therapy, ASAP for your kid. Because she needs to get her head sorted out. Assuming you will just take this kid and raise it for her is...problematic to say the least. And she's got a deadline coming obviously, so therapy ASAP.
Also appointment for pregnancy checkups asap!! Has she had any? An unmonitored pregnancy can lead to complications
You might also be able to get her a social worker to go through pregnancy checkups, birthing extra.
Your kid needs a big sit down conversation about accountability for your own actions. And about how she might feel like part of YOUR actions lead to this, there was also many many choices she could have made to prevent this, that she chose not too. And at the end of the day, it was HER choices that led to this, not you.
OOP's response:
Thanks for this tip. I've written it down. The reason I mentioned she was NB because using 'breast' instead of 'chest' is the exact type of thing to send her into a pissy-fit when she's in the wrong mood. I know this may sound like a little thing, but she's always been... well, dramatic.
Because it's the internet and things are anonymous I'll admit that I am absolutely dreading pregnancy and afterbirth mood swings. Especially since it will all involve very womanly things in every intimate way. On top of the sheer stress of a newborn? Yes, I'm not looking forward to it at all and am already preparing to endure the storms.
Our conversation wasn't productive (it was an argument and she's still not out of her room) but I don't think she has had any prenatal care. That will change if I have anything to do with it.
Thanks again.
OOP commented with some of her concerns:
Yes. My worry and regret have so many places to go and a big part of it is for the baby.
This has been a bad day. :(
Responding to a comment regarding her child's entitled attitude:
Oh believe you me I have been kicking myself up and down on top of everything else. I don't know how she got to this point, but she's there now.
I wish I did have that time travel machine she clearly expects me to have.
She also clarified her overall views on the matter:
I'm on the fence. If she acted at all like she didn't have a gender (I believe that's what NB is) then I could take it more seriously. But she dresses as a woman. She puts on makeup, wears dresses during the summer, enjoys feminine things? We watch horse videos on youtube and squeal over the new foal videos. She's never been a tom boy, even.
But I was like, okay this isn't hurting her. I'll let her have this and express herself. Maybe it'll turn into something, maybe it won't. And after the first few weeks, she even dropped changing pronouns every day.
Her mentioning being NB faded and then started up hard again when high school ended and she started working retail.
I try to be understanding. Retail is hell and I'd personally only work it again if I was at my last resort. But recently it does seem to be an excuse not to work. And now she has a baby on the way.
This may not be the place for it, but I'm just worried she's regressing to a more child-like state. I don't know if she's struggling with being NB or if she's using NB as an excuse to shield herself from the world. Ugh. I guess the internet won't know, but I'm just flat out worried.
​
AITAH has no consensus bot but the comments were largely NTA.
​
Update: My NB Daughter Wants Me To Raise Her Baby - Feb 17, 2024
Hi,
This is an update to this post (Long story short my 18 year old NB daughter wanted me to raise her baby, and she told me she thinks the baby as her sibling. We had a blow-out, she locked herself in her room for most of a day, and then took off with her friends/her lover)
So this happened a few days ago but I didn’t update because I needed to get my head around it. It still doesn’t make sense.
Daughter finally unblocked me. She and the person who got her pregnant wanted to talk to me at a public place. We chose iHop.
Although I suspected I knew who her lover was, I was disappointed to find out because they have been a part of my daughter’s friend group since high school and was the only one I ever had a problem with and kicked out of my house.
They are trans now but two years ago the friend group was watching a movie in the living room, and every time I’d pass by, he (he was a he then) would lock eyes with me and make really obnoxious, loud, orgasm sounds like that scene in Harry Met Sally. I told him to knock it off and grew sterner when he did it again.
Then when I was in the kitchen, he somehow snuck up behind me and was miming jack-off movements with his hand. I turned around and caught him at it. He was still fully clothed, but it was startling and freaky. I kicked him out.
So now I’ll just call them Sperm-donor because that’s what they are.
I’m still calling my daughter ‘my daughter’ and ‘she’ because I still haven’t been told not to by her otherwise. So get off my case on that.
Anyway, the iHop meeting was a shit-show. Sperm-donor sat with my daughter and went on the attack. Sperm-donor’s points were:

• I was poisoning my daughter by “making” her take birth control. (I only helped her get the prescription and would have done everything I could if I knew she didn’t want to take the pill. There are other methods!)
• It will take years to “fix” my daughter after all I did. (Not giving her hormones even though I had no idea that was what she wanted. She dropped even wanting to change her pronouns after a few weeks.)
• Abortion is a sin and I am a monster for suggesting it. (It’s past the date anyway.)
• I am further abusing her by not taking care of the baby while she fixes herself. (I guess they meant it as a temp situation which was also new to me.)

So apparently even though I’m an abusive monster, a bad mother, and so on, I’m even worse for not taking in their baby. At least no one suggested that I raise it like my daughter’s sister anymore. That might have been my daughter’s thought on it.
Sperm-donor did most of the talking while my daughter just sat and glared at me, nodding along.
It was kind of a whirlwind, Sperm-donor pounded the table a few times, and even the waiter knew not to bother us after drinks, lol. I’m surprised we weren’t asked to leave.
There was a lot said, mostly by the sperm-donor who really seemed to be steering the ship. I asked why sperm-donor couldn’t take care of the baby and sperm-donor said their parents were even worse than me. I guess my daughter and sperm-donor taking care of the child they created is out of the question.
I told them that I would not be raising their baby for them and that adoption is the best bet. They said that if I don’t agree to raise it, they’ll make sure I’ll never see the baby ever.
I won’t raise their child for them. So that’s that, I guess.
I feel so many flavors of worried and angry and then worried all over again. I’ve been around the block and it’s never a great sign when the person you’re with makes an enemy of your family. That’s what sperm-donor has done by painting me as an abuser and failed mother who also won’t take in their baby. Sounds like sperm-donor has cut themselves off from their own family too. So I’m worried my daughter is in a very controlling relationship with someone who convinced her to stop birth control because they think hormones are too feminizing somehow and that she needs to be “fixed”. But they still want me to raise their baby.
I’m angry that my daughter can just hear this crap and nod along like, yeah, that makes total sense. She is not stupid. I think she’s love blinded.
I’m sad and worried for the baby. A couple commenters suggested I wanted nothing to do with the baby because I wouldn’t agree to raise it as my own. No, in a perfect world, I would want a normal grandmotherly relationship. Or at least know that the child is safe and has been adopted into a loving family.
I don’t care what my daughter does with her gender, or her body as long as she doesn’t hurt herself. I want her to be in a happy relationship with someone who values her for who she is. Sperm-donor kept using the word ‘fix’ which I see as another terrible sign.
It’s bad all around. My house is empty. It feels like my adult daughter has run off to join up with some weird church/cult thing who tells her that up is down. That not using birth control and not getting an abortion and then expecting others to take care of the child is all a-okay. Oh and that she’s a problem and needs to be “fixed”.
I texted her and said I would be there for her, but sperm-donor was still not welcome in the house. I think I’m blocked again.
She’s a legal adult. I’m not sure what else I can do at this point? In my low points, part of me thinks maybe I should agree to take the baby and then immediately make sure it’s adopted into a loving home. But I get the feeling that sperm-donor won’t make that easy, and right now my daughter does what he says. Also I’m not sure if that plan is even possible. It sounds Hollywood.
I have an appointment to speak with a councilor, but the soonest I could get is April. Some of my friends think I should take the baby in either to get them away from the parents or because they think it’s my duty, or both.
The only silver lining in this was that they both seemed sober. I don’t think there’s drugs involved.
Am I reading this wrong? Am I the asshole here?
Commenters agreed that sperm donor's comments made no sense, and that OOP's child was probably stuck in an abusive relationship:
Comment 1:
For your safety, I would change the locks and put up camera, Sperm-donor seems unhinged. I’m a firm believer in better safe than sorry.
Comment 2:
This baby will be used as a pawn in his never ending psycho drama. If they do not and cannot raise their baby, the best solution is adoption. Otherwise, the father will make your life a living hell.
NTA
OOP's response:
I couldn't figure out a polite way of saying this, but yes. That is my suspicion if I take in their baby. Sperm-donor implied it would be temporary while earlier my daughter said it would be permanent. I think sperm-donor will refuse to sign over paperwork when the time comes or try to leverage it in some way.
Comment 3:
NTA also it sounds like your daughter is in an abusive relationship with this person. Sorry your daughter has been brain washed by this crazy person. I would definitely contact this sperm donors family and if they seem sane warn them about how crazy both of spoke to you.
OOP's response:
That is my fear, and not a bad idea to contact sperm-donor's parents. This has all happened so far, I feel like I'm in shock and I'm very worried.
Comment 4:
Pretty wild that a trans person is saying abortion is a sin. None of this is anything like what you're going to hear from any healthy LGBT community, who are quite careful to make sure not to support people in delusional or antisocial behavior. Definitely get therapy, sounds like your kid has some serious mental health problems if they're being influenced by whatever wackos put these ideas into their head. You're going to need support in coping with this madness. NTA by a country mile. You are in no way "abusing" your kid by refusing to take responsibility for their bad choices.
OOP's response:
Thank you and yes, I don't want to minimize my daughter's role in it but the hard anti-abortion thing surprised me too. A lot of what they said contradicted itself. It felt like I was sitting across from two people who were in their own wacko bubble.
I know it's not a LGBT thing. I wish someone from their community would knock some sense into them, if its even possible at this point.
​
OOP hasn't posted since the last update.
Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS.

TW for s/h mentions, self end mentions, and abuse mentions
Obligatory clarification that this was a few months ago, I just regularly feel guilty about it and wanted to see if I'm right in feeling that guilt. Also, apologies in advance since I think this is going to be a long post.
I(20ftm) was abused in multiple ways by my stepfather(46m). I filed a case against him two years ago, which finally got picked up after my younger sister(16f) ran away from the house. During these two years, no one in the family talked to me, as he convinced everyone that I was a liar, a manipulator, and was doing everything as an act of revenge on him for "treating me with the respect I deserved". He was sentenced last October to 15 years in prison, and then they began to investigate my mother(38f) because she knew about the physical/verbal/mental abuse of all of us kids(there were five of us, ages will be given as children are mentioned), and about the s/xual abuse toward me. I live out in Arizona, however when my mother lost custody of our siblings, my older sister(25f), who well call Molly, reached out to me asking if I would be willing to come back up to Ohio, my home state, to help her take temporary custody of the children. The plan was that I would come back up to Ohio, live with my old roommates, get a job, and watch the children in the morning to get them on the bus and afternoon until Molly got home from work. This was something that was agreed upon by everyone, and it was decided that due to a job opportunity I would be going back to Arizona in three months. I immediately explained to everyone involved that I would not flake out on these plans unless my mental health got to a point where I was actively considering self ending. Molly requested that she get "some sort of notice" before something like that we're to happen, and I told her that the best I could do was actively pointing out signs of mental health decline as they happened so she would know where I was in my headspace, to which she agreed.
Fast forward to the day I'm to fly up, and I get a call from Molly. She explains that our grandmother is giving her her old house in exchange for the childcare until my mother got out of jail should the worst case scenario happen, and she wanted to know if I could live in full time with her. In exchange she would pay my way through driving school and get me a car off Facebook marketplace, which would roughly equal out to three months of paid labor. She explained that I wouldn't have to do any chores(though it would be nice) and she would support me financially so that I didn't need to get a job(though I also could if I wanted to) and I could put my full time and care toward the children. This seemed like a fair deal to me, so I agreed. We talked about a few other minor details, such as my room(I wouldn't have one, and would be sleeping in the corner of the living room) and food(I requested that she get healthy food because eating excessive amounts of junk food triggers my ED, which she agreed to but more on that later).
I fly up and reconnect with all of my siblings(I hadn't talked to any of them in person since the incident two years ago), and talk with a close friend of mine, who I'll call Buddy. Buddy expressed that he didn't think that me moving in full time with Molly was a good idea, and tried to imply that she might try and take advantage of me while I was there and overstep boundaries. I told him that I trusted her not to do so, and she and I had agreed that I would be spending weekends with him at his place to decompress and regularly assess my mental health. This was almost immediately backtracked by Molly, saying she didn't expect me to actually take the whole weekend and she requested Saturdays to be her "day off", which I agreed to. About a week and a half after I arrived and was settled in, we started having violence issues with the youngest(10m), and they were mostly directed toward me. We assumed that this was because my stepfather had fed the kids a story about how I had left because I didn't care about them, and he was too young to understand the truth of the situation. Molly was very attentive to my needs at first, making sure to buy fruits and vegetables as well as having the children upstairs by 9 pm so that I could have some private time to relax each night. All was good other than the violent outbursts from the youngest(who I'll nickname Chris).
After about a month, we had to give Chris to an aunt due to the violent outbursts becoming more frequent and the police having to be called several times just to get him to stop attacking me. I explained to Molly that it was affecting me pretty badly, and she and I sat down and talked it out, deciding I wasn't at a point that I needed to leave yet, however if we kept him I would be. So we let Chris go up to my aunts, who we'll call Aunt Hayley. After that things calmed down in the household, with there only being two major fights between the remaining three children. During this time, Molly began to talk about how stressed she was about finances, as well as she signed up for a college course and got a boyfriend. I didn't see this as a big deal at the time, but it compiled with everything else. Molly began coming home at 6-7 and immediately going to her room, and I would end up keeping watch of the children for the remainder of the night. This didn't bother me too much at the time, as I saw it as helping her, however I could. Before this, she and I had pretty evenly split chores, with both of us doing dishes, laundry, and trash periodically. Once she began this college course, I took up the entirety of the dishes, laundry for all of the children, and majority of trash. Molly tended to her room and mandated when the children cleaned their rooms and their upstairs bathroom, but other than that was in her room either doing classwork or hanging out with her boyfriend. During this time she also stopped getting the healthier foods, despite me helping with grocery lists and requesting healthier foods, opting instead for snacks or frozen foods such as pizzas, hot pockets, bagel bites, etc. This upset me seeing as I had already explained to her my issues with said foods, but I didn't feel I had a right to make comment seeing as she was still financially supporting me.
During this time, my no contact order with my mother was lifted, and I agreed to speak with her again, seeing as she had eventually denounced her borderline worship of my stepfather and told the police everything, and was now in therapy and parenting classes. To be clear, from the moment I had arrived in Ohio, I had wanted nothing to do with her, and the only reason I had agreed to talk to her was to give her one last opportunity to man up and explain everything properly. She did, and as I had suspected, he had been severely abusing her in every way as well. I still didn't trust her, but I decided to give her a second chance at a relationship on the condition that she not bring any more men into my siblings lives until they were all 18 or older(which she agreed to). I began to visit her semi-regularly, and Molly and I agreed that I would go to her house Saturday nights for dinner, seeing as I was already going to Buddy's around 7 pm Saturday nights anyway, which meant it wouldn't really change any of Molly's plans. At this time I began having a friend over, who we'll call Max. Max is a close friend of mine since middle school, and Molly approved him to be around any time, however I only really had him around on Tuesdays due to his work schedule. As soon as Max met Molly, he said he didn't really like the way she talked to me, and when I didn't understand(I have autism) he explained that a lot of how she speaks to me sounds like she's talking down to/making fun of me, and that when I say something she doesn't seem to take me seriously. I brushed this off, thinking that it was just him not being used to her somewhat abrasive personality.
Molly continued to complain about finances, and I continued searching for a job as I had been since I got there, and then came the first weird incident during this. One day Molly said that our mother had offered her a motorcycle, but that she had a feeling that she wouldn't actually give it to her, and so she was going to go buy her own. I didn't mention how counter intuitive this was to her finance problem, though I should have in hindsight. She also went out that weekend to get her nails and hair professionally done(which she had told me at one point all together was around $200), as well as I believe the next weekend to get a $180 tattoo shaded. Seeing as Molly had gone out and bought a motorcycle, my mother instead offered me the bike, which I accepted. Molly then began making comments about how she knew my mother was going to give me the bike, and that was why she had gone out and gotten her own(despite the fact that I had asked for the bike before I knew it was supposed to be given to Molly, and was told only if she didn't want it because she got first dibs).
During the last month, my mental health began to hit the decline I had warned Molly about. I informed her of when it became hard to get out of bed, when I was having guilt or s/h urges, and then eventually I reached a point where I requested she take back up at least some responsibility of dishes and laundry because my mental health couldn't handle it. She got somewhat indignant about this, saying that because I was living there rent free I should be doing the majority of the chores. By this time, I had very much seen what Max had been saying about her talking down to me, however I wasn't in the mental state to go against her, so I just reiterated that I really wasn't doing well. She said that her classwork, job, and social life wouldn't allow her to have time for it, and since I had none of those I didn't have any reason to feel the way I was. At this point, Buddy and my two old roommates(who we'll call Rat and Iroh) started insisting that I should go back to the original plan and only go down in mornings and until she got home from work, however I felt obligated to help her so I stayed. They repeatedly reminded me that she still hadn't followed through on any of her promises regarding driving school, car, or respecting my triggers. I continued to stay, partially to help her and partially because I knew at this point that it would backfire on the children as well if I left.
Two weeks before I was supposed to leave, Molly pulled me aside and told me that due to financial concerns, she would be letting the children go to a foster home in two weeks, once I left. This confused me seeing as a) I hadn't been bringing in any financials, and b) she insisted on keeping the 16 year old(who I'll call Fiona) but refused to keep the other two, because (in her own words) "Fiona is the easiest to handle". I felt as if I was to blame for this because the way Molly had presented it to me made it seem like the only reason she was letting the children go was because I was leaving, and a few days earlier she had been trying to push "if you could only stay another month". This plummeted my mental health, and about a week later(a week before my stay was supposed to end) I hit the point of actively wanting to self end. I informed her of this, and she got cold with me, saying she wished I had told her sooner. I reminded her that I had vocalized every step for things going down hill, and she insisted that it wasnt enough and I should have given her more notice, as well as claiming she could have done this whole thing without me and that I was more trouble than I was worth at points. She then started saying that I had only come back to get close to our mother and that I didn't actually care about her or the children(as I said, I hated my mother when I arrived). I told her that I would stay till that Friday night as it was Thursday and I didn't want to force her to try to find last minute childcare so late at night. At some point in this conversation we got a call from the middle(14nb, whom we'll call Sora) child's school saying that Sora had assaulted another student. This student had been making fun of Sora for months, claiming that they deserved the abuse they went through and that she hoped my stepfather got out of jail so that he could hurt Sora worse. I requested Molly not be too intense on the punishment, seeing as this had been an ongoing issue that had been brought to both the principal and Molly's attention, and been brushed off by both. Molly started beating me about how disgusting it was that I was condoning violence, and I clarified that while I didn't condone it, this situation had been hard enough on Sora. At this point in time, I had had enough and told her that if she didn't want my input and wanted to belittle me and "put me in my place", then she could put her money where her mouth was about being able to do this without me and I would leave that night. She said fine, but that she knew I wasn't actually wanting to end myself and was just using it as a convenient out of the situation. I began to pack. As soon as she got home she said that I had been taking her tone wrong, and that she hadn't meant to attack me. She then started saying that I wasn't screwing her over in this, I was screwing the children over. This was while the children were out of the house, and I did raise my voice, telling her that I wasn't trying to screw anyone over, I was following exactly the boundaries I had set, as I should have from the beginning. Buddy came and picked me up, and I went and spent the night with my mother.
The next day I was informed that Molly had told our caseworker that I had bailed, and that the children were to be picked up the next day(all except Fiona, who would stay in Molly's care and eventually the possibility of Molly adopting her was discussed). That Friday was the court case which was to decide what was to happen with my mother. Molly had expressed throughout this entire process that she didn't want my mother to go to jail, and that she would do almost anything to keep her out. The prosecutors had also expressed that they didn't want her to get a full 3 year sentence. During the court proceedings, Molly was the only one in the room requesting the maximum sentence for my mother, and during her speech was consistently deadnaming and misgendering me, which no one else in the court room was doing. My mother walked out with a 60 day sentence, which wasn't terrible, but the damage was done to mine and Molly's relationship, seeing as it was already strained before I found out she had been lying to me for months about her stances on this. She and I had had several conversations about this, while I hated my mother and whole I was healing my relationship with her, and her stance of wanting her to stay out of jail had never wavered. I unfollowed her on most medias, but kept her unblocked on everything. Three days before I was supposed to leave, I realized that my leather jacket and my keys to my boyfriend's collar were still at her house, and I tried to contact her to ask for them back. I texted her twice, neither of which she responded to, and then Buddy called her. She claimed she hadn't seen them, but refused to let us come over to look for them, despite the fact that the last time I had seen either one was in the house because I had been too depressed to leave the house. She continuously refused to let me come check, or even let someone else come check, claiming that she didn't trust me to put things back the way they were, despite me never showing any inclination of touching anything that wasn't mine. I went to text her again on the matter and found that she had blocked me on all platforms. Shortly after this Fiona would start claiming the same things about me not actually wanting to end myself and just using it as an excuse, showing that she had been talking to Molly about this, and her views on pretty much everything shifted to Molly's views. This caused a rift to the point that while I have strong contact with my other siblings, I don't have much contact with Fiona.
I feel as though it was wrong to leave the children in the situation they were in, and I desperately wish I could have done more to help, but I knew that once I hit that mental state I was no longer safe to be around them and only ran the risk of traumatizing them further if I had stayed.

I(28F) have been friends with with Kevin(26M) for almost 4yrs. I’ve been with my boyfriend Daniel(24M) for 4yrs so naturally Daniel & Kevin became close like brothers. Daniel, Kevin & I have been living together for 3yrs. Kevin has been dating Natalie(22F) for less than a year. At first we loved having her over she was sweet,talkative, friendly and I was looking forward to having a new girl friend. Until we started to notice her toxic behavior. I’ll give some examples: she goes thru his phone, if he came to our house instead of hanging out in the living room with the rest of us she’d go to Kevin’s room and if he didn’t follow her she’d pick a fight, if he didn’t respond to her texts sometimes he did warn her ahead of time cuz he’d be busy with work, school or helping us out with something she’d blow up his phone and would cry and yell hysterically, if he had class on her day off she would sit in her car in the school’s parking lot for the 5hrs he’d be in class. What really concerned me was she went thru his posts, likes and comments on Instagram, she began to stalk and harass (a girl he actually knew not a random girl) cuz he made too many comments on her posts( long before they got together). She ended her friendship with Kevin cuz of Natalie’s harassment. After noticing this behavior we have asked him if he’s happy he admitted he isn’t but isn’t willing to give up on their relationship. We don’t want to butt in and give advice cuz we don’t think it’s our place and we don’t want her to think we’re advising him to break up with her. But later Daniel found out that she looks down on our relationship cuz of our sense of humor and how we shit talk to each other and she has called Daniel some derogatory names cuz after hanging out Kevin didn’t go to her car right away cuz he got caught up in a conversation with Daniel(not about her). The I noticed that when I would text Kevin about household related things (ie rent & chores) he wouldn’t text me but would tell Daniel the answer to my question and ask him to pass it to me. I admit I became paranoid that Natalie was stalking my social media even though she knows who I am and that I’m with Daniel but my concerns got the best of me so I blocked her. A few days after I blocked Natalie I tried to message Kevin on Facebook and it said “15 mutual friends. You and Kevin are not friends on Facebook” so I told Daniel and he questioned Kevin about it & he had no clue. It turns out that Natalie went thru his social media and unfriended me on all his accounts cuz I blocked her, she claimed she did it out of anger. I unblocked her and limited my contact with Kevin to ease her issues. But he hasn’t tried to add me back or replied to my texts but will still answer them thru Daniel, nor has she tried to apologize for going thru his social media. I felt like she put an end to our friendship so I sent him a lengthy text apologizing for blocking Natalie cuz I didn’t know it would trigger her, that I couldn’t continue being friends with him due to Natalie’s toxic behavior and me feeling unsafe & uncomfortable and I would block him to ease her issues. He replied saying that this is coming out of nowhere, howNatalie never had an issue with me, that she wasn’t stalking my social media, claimed I only blocked her after finding out what she said about Daniel, she’s never done anything to make me feel unsafe or uncomfortable and that she’s always been respectful. I haven’t responded. AITAH for ending our friendship?

So basically my bf and I were head over heels and were pretty fresh with having dated for just around ≈3 months when we started fighting more but mostly bc he had less time bc of school, work, hobby, etc. and I didn’t feel reassured enough anymore. We always fixed it but one day he was busy asf and didn’t text all day and I spam called, texted, etc. and he said he doesn’t understand how I can’t trust him enough when he finally answered and said he was busy all day. I said I thought he was ignoring me since he was online every now and then and posted on his story and he said he just didn’t have time to even text me smth like 'won‘t be available today' wich I asked him once to and he apologized. He said he feels kinda disappointed but questions if we should keep going with the relationship and said he needs a break also for himself overall to work on himself since he himself is just pissed all day, makes my mood worse while arguing and doesn’t have the time I need anymore. I said I don’t want time but reassurance and I feel like he still didn’t get that. He said he‘ll always love me tho and wants to date again after the break but lwk stay friends (but rn I always have to reach out first too even on the anniversary thing) and he promises to date me again but j can‘t promise how long this break will be and says I shouldn’t wait for him, move on and date someone else cause me waiting and loving him forever or saying that will hurt me in the long run. He says he doesn’t mind if I‘d wanna date someone else, he just won’t tho until he‘s better. He also started gambling a little and taking edibles but it keeps him calm. He took out the pfp on his insta wich was my fav pic of him and one day ignored me completely but still has all the apps for couples we had, has my pictures still on every app, 52 or so saved of me and my love letters. He also told everyone about me already and loved posting me on his socials, asking me to let him and all that pretty early so he prob was serious about me.He‘d also stay otp even when gaming with his friends. Idk is he trying to forget me? Does he really want to date me again? I told him I‘ll also work on myself but he j said I‘m perfect and doesn’t know what I could work on. He said he wants to stay friends but one day ignored me and read my messages the day after but started to at least read my messages but doesn’t respond only once when I wished him happy monthly anniversary of knowing me we both were so exited about. Idk he is confusing me. Especially since on the day we broke up we called afterwards and when I started crying stayed up for me and also said if I’m crying about it I’m understanding it wrong and it doesn’t mean our end and somehow I ended up on the topic of my wedding and how make up will be useless bc I’ll cry sm since I cry a lot in every emotion even happiness and corrected me saying 'on our wedding' and still complimented me,etc. Idk if he is acting that way bc of past trauma where he got cheated on and lost an important person in his life, etc. and doesn’t like help from others for that reason. What should I do? I mean, he kept the number of his ex unblocked until she asked about me but also blocked every other girl following him when neither of us knew her and even after the break up when a girl slid into his DMs he saidd he doesn’t want anyone texting him and was pissed.
Does he still like me or just wants to make the break up easy for him?

So some backstory, me and this one guy have had a history together. Since our sophomore year of high school I had the biggest crush on him and had asked my friend to ask him out for me (embarassed and young). He said no and that he was straight, and I was blocked for a long time. Then, within my junior year my class (with him in it) went on a 3-day field trip and I just so happened to be in a group with him. We got closer than we’ve ever been, he unblocked me, we were just good friends and he was extremely sweet. I started texting him after the field trip and he was both responsive and respectful, seeming interested. Even at times when he had the opportunity to sit with other people he chose to sit with me and talk to me. We would talk a lot as well at parties. Anyways, I finally gained the courage to ask him out my senior year (which I am in right now) and he told me he respects me but didn’t feel the same way. I didn’t know if he was saying that because he wasn’t interested or because he was not gay or because he was in the closet. So after that, in a sense of desperation I downloaded a gay dating app (I’m 18), and I just so happened to match with him (also 18)on that app. He blocked me once he realized it was me. And out of sheer rage, I blocked him on Instagram because I felt a little played and stupid. There was a bit of tension then between us. Anyways, fast forward to now and this past week I was invited to go hang out with my friends for our senior skip day. It just so happened that he was in the friend group, so it felt like I had to unblock him. So on the day of the thing (today), he didn’t want to ride alone and was saying to ride with me so that he wouldn’t be driving alone. And within the car ride we had a long talk about everything. He told me about how he is gay and he thought everyone knew, he talked about how we’re cool, he apologized for how he texted me back on instagram and explained that he could have worded it better and was in a relationship at the time. We talked about my crush on him but not super explicitly as if he still knows I like him. We also just talked about being gay and how it is in high school and shit like that, it was an actual nice heart to heart. Anyways, now that I know that he’s gay and have been confirmed that, and I also know that he is single, what do I do. I didn’t ask or get any info on if he thinks I’m cute. And truly I want him so bad. I want to reach out but I don’t know, it’s nerve-wracking abd Im afraid of denial. I want to get to know him, but I don’t want it to get awkward or fuck up our new friendship. I just want him so bad. This thing today truly cemented just how much I have a crush on him and it’s difficult. I have no clue on what to do.

How can someone just decide to fuck up someone else friendship? I've recently lost my closest and bestest friend ever. She got closer to me than anyone else in my life. We talked daily for a whole year, from morning to night. Everyday more or less.
And i got really attached to her. I really valued our friendship and i miss her so much. I would do anything to just...talk to her again.
But she removed me as a friend like month ago. And it's been really rough for me to be honest. I've never felt so alone as i do right now. I can't stop thinking about it and it making me really depressed.
So this is basically from my point of view. So just one day she wrote to me on discord that there is this guy in her server that comes from another country, and he started talking about that he wanted to move to my country, and he mentioned my citys name even, And my friend then said jokingly that she thought that it was me who made an troll account just to fuck with her. But my friend then said that to this guy, that she knows me and lives in that very city he wanna move to. And she asked if he could talk to me, and i was bored and thought why not, it's kinda creepy and like what is the coincidence. so we started talking and i can't remember exactly what really happened but the guy got really mad over a joke i made and removed me. And then started to like argue with my friend in this discord server. Saying stuff like im weird and yadayada.
She ignores him. Some days go on and he tries to talk to her and she ignores him as much as possible, or be very short with him. Dude gets really angry and starts going off at her and at me. Then leaves the server, and we just laughed and forgot about him kinda like instantly, talked a little about how weird it was but that's all pretty much.
And then maybe like month later or something i think dude is back and tried to say he was sorry, tried to become friends again with me and my friend and i let him re-add me and we talked and he were sorry. and i showed my friend but she wasn't having it with this guy. But he tried really hard to talk with my friend and she got tired of him. And one day he just asked me if my friend hates him or something and i said the truth that he is really annoying and he tries to hard, my friend is parasocial so she just gets quiet when people are to much.
Then he gets really angry again, removes me and start an argument in the server again. Ignored by my friend and leaves the server.
then i don't remember much what happened but he kinda just left us alone. Until one day he leaves her a dm and it's a whole paragraph of just...BS pretty much. She ignores him, i can't remember exactly. But he gets blocked or something.
We don't hear from this guy since.
And one day there is this new girl who joins the server my friend is in. And they start to talk and actually becoming friends, i think they talk for a month or something. And i joined the same server because me and my friend talked about that old guy for some reason.
And i don't really talk in the server much.
Until one day i said something, and this other girl said something.
All of the sudden i got an dm from my friend asking if i were intrested in talking to this new friend of my friend. And isaid yes, and she made a groupchat with just us three.
And it went really smoothly at first, we talked about cakes, food, music and stuff like that. And then this girl starting to become kinda.. needy according to my friend, she would leave her paragraps of text daily about private stuff, asking her personal stuff about me and her and other stuff.
My friend didn't answer much cause she were busy with other stuff or didn't feel like it cause it was kinda weird stuff.
Then this girl writes to me, asking me if my friend is ignoring her and stuff like that. And i said i don't really know, all i know is that she is really busy with school, maybe she's playing something or watching a movie and stuff like that.
And then one day this said that her fiance walked out on her cause he were pissed or something, and me and my friend were both busy that day so we didn't have time to answer her. And she took that as we both ignored her, she gets mad and i understand that. but she lashed out and went over the line so hard and so quick. She leaves the groupchat, unfriend my friend and leaves me a long text about she just blocked my friend and rather wrote to me instead cause i actually answers back. And said stuff like she feels ignored, and she doesn't understand why. I show the text to my friend and she answers me like hours later and she got a bit angry aswell over what this girl said. And then this girl unfriends me, and sometimes goes on. A few days later she writes to me a long paragraph again, saying how bad friend my friend is, cause she were talking shit behind my back, saying i'm to much, always like teasing/bullying her, and always writes when she is online and she were tired of it.
And i sent her the text to my friend, we talked and i wrote back to this other girl, and she started to insult me, tried to anyway, starting to say im a simp, pathetic loser and i have a baby di*k and stuff like that.
So we have a long argument pretty much, My friend gets really annoyed and adds her and she also starts to fight with this girl. But then this girl starts to say some really weird stuff about me and my friend should just have sex and getting really.. detailed and graphic about it. Putting both of us in a really weird and awkward position.
She gets blocket after a while.
And now comes to most annoying part. Me and my friend, we don't talk as much as we used to. It's very..limited. We don't joke as much anymore. We just.. answer each others msgs but that's about it. And it goes on like that for a week until i say that ever since that night when this girl said all those things, our chat has changed, we don't talk as we used to. I can't tease/bully her anymore cause now it just feels like im flirting instead. And my friend said she kinda feels the same, it feels super weird for her. And i'm actually getting kinda sad and nervous and start to ask like what can i do to change the situation. Cause i miss our old ways how we used to talk and all that, and my friend said it's not really my or our fault, it was that girls fault and it feels really weird. and i'm getting even more sader and try to talk some more but i'm getting short answers so i took that she were feeling uncomfy about it all...
And later i found out that my friend actually lied to me about a thing, and asked her about it and she didn't want to hurt me but still kept on lying. And i got really sad about it, so sad that i just left the chat and logged out.
And the whole day i sat there thinking about what i would say back, made a speech in my head and were preparing myself to say it. And as soon i open up my friends dm, i see she unfriends me. From Instagram, Steam, Roblox, Tiktok, Like..everywhere. And i wrote to her, tried to make her say something but i get no responds. so i just said that it sucks it comes to this but i just have to accept her wish then. I leave her alone.
A few days later i get a dm from her. It's a printscreen from that first guy, who were starting fights. Said that he knew the girl me and my friend talked to. She were just his "secret agent" and it was all a big lie. It was him all along pretty much, And i tried to answer her dm, but.. it didn't deliver. she put on the setting that she wont get any msgs from non-friends. It made me cry, and i wrote in the server cause she were online. Ignores me.. Then i saw she even blocked me. My friend blocked me... And it felt like a knife in the gut so i went to instagram, asked her why she blocked me and i just wanted to answer the dm with something. She reads it instantly. And blocks me there aswell.
And this was a month ago now. And to be honest.. I don't even know what happend, I miss my friend so much and everyday is a struggle. I can sit in our dms and reading old chatlogs and sometimes i start to laugh and smile, and sometime i just cry and can't stop pretty much. But after a few days i started to force myself to watch movies, play some games and some days i managed just fine. Some days i couldn't at all.
then i saw she unblocks me. And i sat there for hours, just watching her profile. thinking " what happends if i wrote to her?" And i actually decided that i would try to reconnect. Cause she was/is my closest friend, and i value that so much and i just wanted to try again. So i wrote a paragraph pretty much, saying how much i miss her and i just wanna talk with her again. And when i were done, i just sat there for atleast an hour before i press enter. It didn't deliver cause she don't get any msgs from non-friends. And i started to bawl my eyes out. That was 3 days ago. I still haven't really recoverd and i feel so alone, so empty and so lost and i don't know what to do honestly. i just wanna... talk with her.
Sorry for long post but i just needed to write down my side of the story.

We have been in a serious LDR for a couple of years and I have booked an Aug. flight to go visit my gf in the Philippines. We consider and understand our relationship to be monogamous. We are old school (in our 50’s). However, I discovered her previous American boyfriend was friends listed on a couple of her four or five Facebook profiles. I casually brought it to light during one of our at least daily conversations. She insisted he blocked her during the end of their relationship and that she didn’t realize that he ‘may have suddenly unblocked her’ She then proceeded to gaslight me and insisted I am overreacting. We always strived to be transparent and better at communicating so it was natural for me to inquire about this ‘small matter’.

I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is u/ThrowRA-scarecrow. She posted in relationship_advice. Thank you to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the original recommendation and to u/ivy5kin for letting me know about the update
Previous BORU here. New Updates (starting with one from a few months ago and ending with one 7 days old) marked with ****\*

Read trigger warnings

Trigger Warnings: infant abuse; spousal abuse; drug use; stalking; kidnapping attempt
Mood Spoiler: utterly terrifying and disturbing
Original Post: March 16, 2024
My husband (42m) and I (35f) tried for so long to have our boys and girl. Due to a health issue my husband suffered he developed fertility issues and we had to get medical assistance to be able to have our children because if we didn’t he’d probably never have kids. So we went through fertility treatment. He desperately wanted his own biological children and we spent a fortune just to bring them into the world and now he’s jealous and distant with them?
He’s constantly in competition with his own infant children. If I hold the children he gets frustrated. Any time they take my attention away he gets completely pissy. He’s always in a foul mood, irritable and just down right nasty. I don’t understand it. Why is he like this? Our children are barely 6 months and they won’t stop crying every time he’s near. I feel like they can sense his negativity. I tried talking to him. Ive suggested he take interest in the kids and spend more time with us as a family. I know it can sometimes take a little longer for parents to bond with their children but this is down right scary to experience. He’s full of jealousy and envy. He sees our children as competition to my time and affections.
A few times now he has made comments about feeling frustrated that I still breast feed our children. The thing is we mix feed so he has had ample opportunity to feed them and he just doesn’t. He also said that this (meaning our life&our marriage after children) wasn’t what he thought it would be like. I mean what did he expect? A singular baby cries and three of them cry a lot.
We’ve been together for 8 years and married for 7 years. He wanted these children. He pushed for them and now this. I never thought this would ever be me. I am scared. I am scared for my children. I have tried talking to him but he just brushes me off. I’ve suggested counseling. He refuses. He tells me it’s all in my head. I want to save this marriage but I am scared I won’t be able to and maybe it’s not worth saving.
He comes home later everyday. He avoids us on the weekends and any time he has off. I’m not ashamed to say that I went through his phone and there are a lot flirtatious text between him and a “Jessica”. I don’t think anything has happened between them but it sure looks like they are building up to it. I haven’t said anything because I’m afraid. Where do I go with three children, with no money and no family that can help me? I haven’t worked in two years and I’ve spent all my savings on having these children. My mind is in a complete meltdown. I can’t sleep I can’t think and I’m always exhausted.
What the hell happened? Is this him now forever?
Edit: Some of you are some real evil bastards ! Stop blaming me for him mistreating me! I do not deserve to be treated this way and neither do my kids! Stop messaging me evil things!
Relevant Comments:
Examples of 'competition':
If I’m with the kids and say I’m feeding them he gets upset I’m focusing on them and not him, or as he likes to say I’m fussing over them. He expects they sleep through the night and gets upset when I’m with them instead of in bed with him. He has even made weird comments about me loving them more than him.
Did he really want kids or did YOU want kids?
Due to my husband’s fertility issues he was the one pushing for us to have kids. He knew early on that he had a health condition and wanted us to have children way earlier but I asked if we could wait but then his condition worsened so we agreed to get treatment before he couldn’t have any kids. He desperately wanted to be a father and they are biologically ours. His desire to be a father was one of the qualities I liked about him when we started dating.
I’ve always worked and the plan was for me to stay home for the first 2/3 years and perhaps work part time until the kids were school aged. But that’s out the window now because I don’t want to ever be this vulnerable! I’ve been brushing off my cv and scouring the internet for a job. I will never allow myself to be this vulnerable again.
Does he help at ALL? Do you have a support system you could go to?
He doesn’t help me at all. I take care of our kids on my own. My parents are long gone and my sister is abroad. She stayed with us for the birth and a month after the children were born. She lives in France but she’s due to return home this summer. So I know I’ll have her help when she’s back. But I’m trying not to bother her as she’s going through a divorce.
I’ve suggested couples counseling and he refuses. He says everything is in my head.
I’m actually even crying writing this but I do have a small to go bag in the trunk of my car. Just incase. I feel like I’m not being rational because he doesn’t hurt me or the kids but I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells. Like what happened to my happy go lucky husband? Who’s this person I’m afraid of?
Are they his biologically? Did you guys go to a support group for infertility treatment?
We didn’t use any sperm or egg donations. The kids are his and mine biologically.
We also went to a support group, two support groups actually. One of them was for couples and the other for men experiencing infertility. He also went to individual therapy to deal with his emotional issues around infertility.
Update Post: March 19, 2024 (3 days later)
Title: He’s (42m) been pinching my (35f) babies?
Thank you to the person who said I should watch his interactions with my babies more closely and frequently. Not even hours after I posted here asking for advice I caught him pinching my son!
While I was scrolling on here and replying to people I decided to check my baby monitor and I watched my husband enter our children’s room and insult them in a hushed and whispery tone. I couldn’t make out much of what he was saying but he was without a doubt telling them that he hated them and wished them dead. Then he pinched my son and my baby boy didn’t even cry which made me think he’s done this many times before.
It all happened so fast and by the time I could make sense of what was happening on the monitor he was already walking down the hallway and down the stairs. At the same time I had lept off the sofa and pretty much tackled him as he came off the stairs. We got into a physical and verbal altercation, we fought, argued and shouted for hours. I guess the police were called by the neighbors because the next thing I know the police are banging on my door. I explained the situation to the police and the officers said that they could not prove that my baby was harmed since he didn’t have a bruise and my baby monitor was only on live feed and not simultaneously recording. Eventually they got my husband to agree to pack a bag and leave. He left reluctantly.
He has since been blowing up my phone begging for forgiveness, talking about how he’s been depressed and stressed by the babies, and that his anxiety and jealousy got the best of him. I just responded once telling him to go fuck himself. I’ve also been in contact with a lawyer and she’s advised me to leave him unblocked incase he further incriminates himself. I don’t even recognize who this man is! Where did this all come from?
How did this happen? Has any other parent experienced this? How did you handle this?
Before y’all start jumping down my throat I am absolutely getting a divorce and I will do everything in my power to get full custody. I did take my children to our family doctor and they are in good health and there are no other signs of abuse. I’ve filled a report with the police and my lawyer is dealing with it. I’m also about to start the process of divorce.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: He just wants more and better access to his victims. This is someone who gets off on hurting children. Actual human beings who are stressed and depressed do not sneak around abusing children for their dopamine hits.

OOP: Exactly! I’m tired, stressed, depressed and I’m physically still not fully healed from the pregnancy and the cesarean birth but not once have I thought of hurting anyone let alone a baby! I don’t buy his bullshit excuses. He clearly knew what he was doing was wrong otherwise he wouldn’t have been sneaking around and being all hush hush. I do not believe him for one second. He’s a goddamn beastly man.

Update the monitor to one that records:
I’ve set the monitor up to record now! I’ve also ordered a home security system and will be installing it real soon!
On what OOP is doing to protect them:
I’m doing everything I can to protect them! This all happened a few days ago but I am in the process of getting a temporary restraining order. My lawyer is handling it and I understand it takes some time to actually get one and in the meantime I’ve been advised that I can just deny him visitation until he gets a judgement from the courts that forces me to grant him access to my babies but that takes time. So in the meantime he can’t force me or my babies to see him.
I’ve recorded every call and saved ever text. Literally documenting everything. Thankfully he’s saying and texting a goldmine of incriminating things that I hope would be sufficient information for a judge to give me and my babies a restraining/protective order and for family court to grant me primary and sole custody.
Did you tell him you saw the pinch?
Yes. He at first told me I was imagining things. Then switched to saying he was just frustrated our son wouldn’t go to sleep. Then he started saying that he was angry that our son was interrupting our “personal time” and that he was doing it on purpose because the other babies were asleep so why wasn’t he?
Honestly nothing he says makes sense to me. Like my baby boy was just laying there sleepy and he would’ve fallen back to sleep by himself that bastard actually woke him up with his pinching and insults.
He says he went in their room to check up on them and I call bullshit on that he went in there to torment my children. Who in their right mind whispers death to two sleeping babies and a another half asleep baby?!
Did he tell you that over phone or text?
This was on a call which I’ve recorded!
*****Update Post 2: April 10, 2024 (3 weeks after OG post)****\*
Title: How did it go so wrong? For my (36f) birthday he (42m) broke into the house?
Every conversation with him (42m) feels like I’m (36f) losing my mind. The only thing that has kept me semi-sane and able to track what he has been doing is my audio journal and my posts on here.
Last week it was my thirty sixth birthday. Actually I had forgotten it was my birthday and was reminded by my sister that it was in fact my birthday. I decided I couldn’t mope around the house and I got my kids dressed to go shopping and get groceries. We got back and I put away half of the groceries but my babies were fussy and so to tire them out and ready them for bed we went for a walk. When I got back home he was in the kitchen cooking and putting away some of the groceries I had left out. He greeted me and acted normal. I didn’t react because his entire demeanour was freaking me out so I played along. I went upstairs and got the kids down. I did think of walking out the front door but he was kind of anticipating it and so he was following me around and I thought in the moment that the best thing I could do was to get my kids upstairs and away from him. He said he wanted to talk and clear the air because this has “gone on too long”.
We had a long conversation and it started out reasonable but eventually spiralled out of control. We got into physical confrontation because I refused to let him stay. He tried to physically intimidate me and he, well hurt me. While he was hurting me I was still able to contact the police. It took them a excruciatingly long 20/25 minutes to get there.
So here I am sitting with two completely black and blue eyes, a busted lip, swollen face,massive knots on my head and bruises all over. I don’t know what happened to my life or how I got here but here I am. I can’t even look my neighbors in the eyes. I can’t go outside without seeing the shocked faces of people.
I have never felt so ashamed, so humiliated, so hurt and so utterly stupid. I thought I made all the right choices in life. What did I do wrong? When did it all get so fucked? I mean I think I did everything right? Like I created a stable life for myself then picked a man that at time was a very loving partner, I married that man and waited five years before even going through the process of having children with him and now once I’ve had his children he’s just beating on me and our babies?
Edit: My sister is now aware of what’s been happening and she is supporting me as best as she can. I have plans to move out but since I’m not working right now I need some time to save up.
His family is also aware. His family refused to believe that I saw him hurt our child but they can’t deny this attack now that they’ve seen my bruises. Also yes he was arrested and he was bailed out by his brother. He’s currently staying with his brother.
Relevant Comments:
I’m in contact with a dv organization that my lawyer has put me in contact with. I did have a locksmith come out and I have new locks. I also have a couple of safety locks for my windows, and security cameras around the house and I changed our security code but honestly he doesn’t give a shit.
He despite it all broke in and beat the living shit out of me.
Making the audio journal:
I really didn’t make my audio journal to use as evidence. I literally made it because he makes me feel like I’m insane! I never know which version of him I’ll get at any given time. I also keep my journal to keep track of what he says. Every conversation with him makes me lose grip of my fleeting sanity.
Leaving the house:
The biggest reason I haven’t left my home is because he would without a doubt say I abducted the children! I’m already withholding my children from him since I caught him hurting my six month old son.
On advice of my lawyer I have stayed put. It’s my best option for now and it shows that I’ve been reasonably measured in my actions.
Restraining order?
I am in the process of getting one.
Update Post 3: April 25, 2024 (15 days later, almost 6 weeks from OG post)
Title: It was all for the love of another woman? Who barely knew of his existence? He (42m) hurt my (36f) children to further his own selfish desires
I say all of this without exaggeration. I am certain he was getting ready to kill us. After nearly 8 months of turmoil I’m finally close to understanding.
My soon to be ex husband is in love with a woman he came across on social media and he has been obsessing over her for at least a year. She also happens to be a sex worker and he was paying her for her time and attention. In his mind he believed they could have a future together if only he could get rid of my children and me. Even though this woman gave him no inkling that she even wanted to be with him. He has spent so much of our money on this woman. I am at a loss for words that could accurately describe the situation. I can barely believe half of the things he’s been up to.
I’ve spent the past few weeks playing detective and I finally decided to contact “Jessica”. This is obviously not her name but I need to call her something. I contacted Jessica and at first she was very reluctant to speak to me but I literally begged her to and she was kind enough to get on the phone with me.
She told me that she had been seeing him for awhile but she stopped seeing him because he started to scare her. He was sending her unhinged messages and voicemails. He had been stalking her and trying to convince her to be with him. Jessica eventually stopped seeing him and had him blocked and I guess this is when he started to escalate from emotional abuse to physically abusing my children and myself. He was looking for a way out and in his crazy mind, killing us would free him because the only reason Jessica wouldn’t be with him was because me and my children were in the way.
During our long call I also explained to Jessica what had been happening to me and she was genuinely kind and helpful. She also agreed to speak to my lawyer and to send them the thousands of unhinged texts, voicemails and voice notes he sent her. For a little while after our conversation a part of me genuinely hated Jessica and wanted to blame her for everything but the rational part of me pushed out those unreasonable and dangerous thoughts especially after I read his disturbing texts and heard his voicemail/notes to Jessica. She has also been victimized by him.
Honestly there is nothing like listening to your husband and father of your children talk about how you and your children mean nothing to him and how he wishes you were dead. He could’ve just asked for a divorce or just got up and left. I sent him a few texts asking him why? (this was a one time thing and since then I’ve stopped all contact) Why do all of this? Why torment my babies? Why not just walk away? He responded with a message saying any conversation between us should be through our lawyers. His parents have him lawyered up. They know what he’s been up to and they’ve chosen to protect him. His father came to see me and in a not so direct way suggested he could pay me if I stopped talking about what his son has done and was planning on doing. Ever since he broke into the house and pretty much tried to kill me I’ve told anyone who’d listen what he has done. At this point even his colleagues know.
Relevant Comments:
I have emergency custody of my kids and a protective order. I’m in the process of getting two trained guard dogs haven’t gotten very far though and I have a security system.
I’m also seriously considering a gun. More than seriously actually I’ve applied for a permit. Of course I do plan on taking lessons in gun safety and training.
Be careful with the dogs, he may just kill them:
He probably would but the few seconds to minutes he needs in order to do that is perhaps the chance I need to save my children and myself.
This may seem horrible to you but I rather have them as a buffer then my children getting harmed. I of course don’t want this to happen but I’m in a situation now where I need to do everything I can to protect my children.
His parents:
Oh they really are bastards and refuse to believe their precious son could ever do the things he’s done despite the fact that I installed security cameras after I caught him abusing my babies and despite the fact that my neighbors have signed witness statements attesting to the fact that they saw him break into my house and attack me. They’ve seen the police report. They’ve seen the pictures of my battered face and bruised body. They are feigning ignorance but they know, and I know they know.
You don't want to give him ammunition in the divorce- maybe stop telling people?
Actually me telling people has been the best thing I’ve done so far. It’s what has kept me safe. My neighbors now look out for his car and call the police if they see he’s anywhere near the house.
What was he like before all of this? Were there any signs?
We’ve been married for nearly 8 years. Will actually be 8 years in 2 months. We never had any issues. Sure we had minor squabbles but that was few and far in between. Never did I have any issues that would lead me to think that he’d try to hurt us let alone kill us.
It was during my pregnancy and birth that he became verbally and emotionally abusive, this is also the time period he met Jessica and started fantasizing about running away with her. He was angry and jealous that my attention was more on the pregnancy and the babies and this built resentment towards me and my children. It also pushed him more into his obsession with Jessica and when he was also rejected by her, he spiraled into this insane mindset. At the same time he escalated into verbally and physically abusing our infant children and when I found out he hurt my children, I attacked him. I caught him hurting my son and we physically fought and my neighbors called the police and he was escorted out of the house. Then he came back and broke into the house, he attacked me and beat me into a bloody mess. He was arrested for this. I’ve since attained a lawyer and I’ve been granted emergency custody and a protective order.
Again- why isn't he in jail?
He’s out on bail.
Update Post 3: May 11, 2024 (2+ weeks later)
Editor's note: This post was deleted by reddit. I have transcribed it from this youtube video and this tiktok video
Title: My (36f) husband (42m) has been arrested for stalking and attempting to abduct his former “mistress”.
Last week Thursday at approximately 2:00 AM in the morning, my (36F) husband (42m) of nearly 8 years was arrested outside of Jessica's house, (the sex worker he met online and used to pay to spend time with him until he started to creep her out by his stalking and obsession.)
When he was arrested, they found in his truck small baggies with drug residue and they also found tools of abduction. I honestly do not know what these are exactly.
My soon to be ex FIL called me at around 4:45/4:50 AM to tell me that his son was arrested. My FIL was the one who used the term tools of abduction. When I asked him what the hell that means, he said he didn't have time for my interrogation tactics. He then asked if I could help them find a lawyer for him and to stand by his son throughout all of this. When I said to him "how the hell am I supposed to find a lawyer this early in the morning," he lost his shit and then was just screaming.
My soon to be ex MIL took over the phone, telling me that I'm a goddamn b****, and that all this is my fault. I hung up before she could say anymore.
I never knew this man to take drugs. Sure, he drank occasionally, but hard drugs? I honestly don't know what's happening anymore or how I got here. I mean it does make sense he was on cocaine the past 7/8 months now that I look back at things.
I mean, I don't even know anything about drugs to be able to recognize the behavior pattern, but once I researched it, it seemed clear. The moodiness, the disappearances, the lies, the anger, the sudden outburst and the violence- it all points to drug usage, as well as him being an abusive piece of shit.
His parents and the rest of his family had called and texted me so much abusive shit and they occasionally switched to begging me to go see him or pick up his calls, but I've mainly ignored them. I don't have the time, the energy or the love that is needed to be there for this man and his parents. I've given him eight years of my love and affection, and he spat it back into my face during the hardest and most vulnerable time of my life
Also, why would they think I'd help him after everything he's done? Especially since I think he deserves to be in jail for not only hurting my children, but also for hurting myself and Jessica.
I hope and pray he's jailed for the rest of his natural life. I mean I've tried being a good wife, but he has attacked my children. He has attacked me. He has lied and tormented us, and I'm supposed to help him?
I don't even know how I got here. How did we get here?
I've packed everything up and I'm leaving. I'm disappearing with my kids, and anything else between me and these people can be handled through my lawyer. The only person who knows where I'm moving to is my lawyer and my sister. I mean what else can I do to protect my children? His entire family blames me. And how do I keep my head high when I'm now being treated like I'm an evil and disgusting person by pretty much everyone I once called a family? These people are trying to destroy me inside and out, and I don't know how to survive them. How am I supposed to rebuild my life when they won't stop tormenting me?
In less than a year of their birth, I've managed to fail my children...
TLDR: My soon to be ex-husband was arrested while stalking his former mistress/sex worker and during his arrest they found drug residue and tools for abduction
Relevant Comments:
Change your surname/the kids' surnames:
My kids and I have double-barreled surnames (my surname and their dads) but when I can we will drop his and we’ll all go by just mine.
People blaming OOP:
The sad fucking thing it’s not only his parents. It seems like everyone is blaming me.
OOP's response to a crappy (now deleted) comment:
“ You need to discover the reasons why you failed to notice or do anything about everything that was going on with him. You have to build skills so you can take full ownership over your own life.”
This genuinely has me fucking raging right now! I feel like everyone keeps blaming me!
And I don’t know why everyone keeps blaming me for his shit! We didn’t have any problems in the previous 7 years of our marriage. He started doing drugs during my pregnancy and this is when he started to behave abnormally. I tried to get him help because I thought it was depression or the stress of being a new parent.
When I noticed his irritablity, combativeness and generally shitty behavior was more than just depression or jealousy of me spending more time with my new born children, I kicked him out, I got a lawyer and involved the police because there no way in hell I’d stay with someone who hurt my children or let him get away with it and I also made sure to get emergency custody of my children. This is also around the same time when he spiralled into using more drugs. I don’t know what else I could’ve done but I know I took all the right steps when I noticed his escalation!
I’m so sick of everyone acting like I was making him do drugs and like I’m suppose to know that he’d ruin my life after having had a good marriage before he started taking drugs and going out of his mind.
What has your lawyer said about disappearing?
I currently have emergency custody. My lawyer is the one who suggested to disappear (meaning moving to new house and not letting anyone know) because she says this is a time of great danger and I heartily agree. Since my ex-husband first went to look for me at the house but me and my children went to stay somewhere else for a few days because I was scared he’d come back after he broke into the house previously and attacked me.

Today, my autistic 15 year old daughter called one of her friends (we will call her harper) to come outside to hang out with a group of friends, at the request of one of these friends. Because there was a physical altercation yesterday where harper was hit by another friend (let's call her Megan), daughter took this as a good sign that they were going to get along better.
The reason the fight yesterday happened is because harper has been relentlessly mean to daughter recently. Daughter wasn't there and didn't know until after the fact.
Today, when harper got out to the group, she somehow ended up threatening to knee my daughter in the gut and calling her a c**t while arguing with Megan about yesterday. Daughter was crying off to the side, because conflict is very triggering for her due to trauma.
Someone yelled "just hit her again" and others started chanting "hit her hit her" and Megan did hit Harper. She was egged on by some others to hit her three more times. It doesn't make it better, but harper didn't sustain any injuries.
After school, 10 minutes after harper walked daughter to the car and said "I love you, have a good weekend, bye" I got a call from Harper's mom insisting that my daughter had orchestrated this entire thing.
She is saying that's what she's going to tell the police.
Daughter and harper were on the phone a and daughter heard Harper's mom say "tell Megan I'm telling the police about this" and daughter, being autistic, promptly followed what she believed to be instructions coming from an adult she wanted to stop being angry at her.
Harper's mom is taking that fact as evidence that daughter is scheming with Megan and did, in fact, orchestrate this.
Harper and her family refusing to understand autism and how it affects my daughter is at the core of the friction in their friendship and the mistreatment daughter receives daily from this "friend." Harper has, this evening, blocked daughter, unblocked daughter to call and yell at her, threatening her with police action, and blocked her again.
If we get a call from the police, what should I expect? What should I do?
I'm very supportive of police being involved because an assault happened, but the idea that my kid had anything to do with it is so ludicrous that I'm genuinely shocked anyone who has ever met her, let alone hosted her several times, could believe it.

Ok so like back in January I was looking for some online friends cause I had a lot of free time after school and it got boring after a while. Anyways, this 14 year old guy made a post on this subreddit related to online friends and I replied. So we start talking on discord, and like it was just normal getting to know you stuff.
As the days went on he opened up to me about how I was like his one and only friend, because he was getting bullied or like isolated at school. He was living in Mexico at the time and apparently his school just didn't have the best crowd and he never really wanted to get along with those type of people. Everyday he'd text me about how bad his day was and all that stuff. I was kinda getting a little overwhelmed but I still felt bad for him. I'd try giving him advice like talking to his teachers and stuff, but he'd say that would only work for so long. Again, he'd always remind me how I was like his only friend. We'd talk for like 2 hours, usually during the night til he went to sleep because this was during winter break. Sometimes he'd text me saying he can't sleep, so I would always recommend different things to do, like listen to music etc. The next day he'd say it worked for him, and I felt glad for him. This is going to sound really bad, but even though I was really happy that I was helping him with his struggles, honestly it was kind of too much for me. I felt bad ending conversations with him cause they would last for hours on end. I know this is kind of my fault because I reached out first, but I didn't know it would lead to him ranting to me every day. When it was really bad, I'd even recommend him therapists or online therapists to talk to. He'd always try but end up saying that you'd have to pay or something else (which may have been true but idk because a lot of online therapy sites are different for separate regions, cz he was in Mexico and I was in the US).
I wanna say this relationship lasted for around 3 weeks but I don't remember. Anyways, things were looking really good for him. I always encouraged him to speak to his parents about it, but he'd always say he didn't want to burden them. Then one day he said he finally mustered up the courage to tell him mom everything about his life. I supported him the whole way. Later he told me his mom would try to find a therapist for him. Still during the days of finding a therapist he would always come rant to me. This is kind of my fault for always accepting even though I honestly didn't want him to rant to me anymore. We stopped talking as often/as long for a while, but then somehow our discord like got glitched or smth and it wouldn't allow us to contact each other. Sometimes the glitch would go away and stuff, but my point is that we stopped talking for a long time. This sounds bad but I honestly forgot about the relationship. One day I checked reddit again after a long time and I saw a message from him asking if I remember him. I immediately replied, and we started talking again. Again, the ranting/venting from him continued. I felt really bad for him, but when I looked for an online friend I didn't expect this. One day I just decided to pour it all out to him. I wrote an entire like essay to him explaining how I couldn't handle his issues along with my own (my family life wasn't very good at that time, but I didn't want to vent to him back because he was already overwhelmed in his own life). I told him to block me and i would do the same. He simply replied something along the lines of "okay. Yeah i think it's best we both move on." And that was that.
I did block him on everything. I forgot about it for around 3 weeks, and then I will be honest curiosity got the best of me. I unblocked him and checked his reddit profile. He didn't block me even though I must've really hurt his feelings. He made so many posts on suicidewatch or other subreddits talking about killing himself, or how he doesn't deserve to be on this earth anymore. I felt really bad, but I thought it'd hurt him more if I suddenly re-entered his life, so I didn't. Every now and then I'd check his profile to see how he was doing, and I did again today. Just yesterday he made a post saying how he couldn't handle it anymore. Then he made another one titled "i'm sorry", with a picture of what I assume is him holding a knife. I'm scared. I think it's my fault, because I basically told him that his only friend doesn't want to be friends with him anymore. Do i reach out? I don't know if he actually went through with it. Help please.

Hey everyone let me first get the ages I'm 17m my mom is 56f my dad died in 2019 at 55m, I have 3 brothers 19m, 23m and 28m my sister is 26f, now to the story me and my whole family use to live in a nice home in a nice nabor good until last year when my brother 19m and 23m were living in the house with me and my mom my brother 19m has anger issues and didn't like that we moved state's so he hit my brother 13m with a 2 by 4 the emt shows up we kicked 19m out and are brother 28m came to pick him up my brother 23m decides to not press charges because we did want to destroy 19m life with a assault charge, fast forward to 2023 my sister 26f called DCFS on me and my mother and the person that came to investigate are home found it was a good home so I got to stay, they all kept trying to get me away from my mother but failed I don't know why they were trying I went home schooled so they didn't come to the school to get me, fas forward a few months we lived in a trailer park and my mother dated a man 55m and he was a alcoholic he yelled at me saying my depression from my father's and grandma death is not immortal I snapped I got in hie face, ill admit I'm not proud of what I did. But I cussed him out, we got kicked out rhay was the end of that part of are life, fast forward a few months again my brother 23m the one that stayed with us stole my mother's car and in total 1300$ of her social security money, after a few months of are family putting me and my mother threw mental havoc we talked to a lawyer and put restraining orders on them, 2 months go by we can't find my dad guitar that he left for me in his will, we then learned 26f stole it awhile ago I unblocked her and messaged her saying " do you have the guitar I need it back " she said she had it but she won't give it back that forced me into a mental break down knowing I'll never get it back, I reblocked her, OK for context me and mother have 3 dogs named max, bourbon and rocky, but here come the bad part my sister 26f called DCFS AGAIN ! and they took away are dogs for un known reasons that I don't even know we also got evicted from are home we were homeless for 1 week dcfs trying taking me 17m to foster care I cussed them out which was a bad idea saying no they left us alone I got a job at the local McDonald's and with my mother's paycheck we found a new home quickly, I then got my mom a job at the same McDonald's I work at and I'll admit this all has screwed up my mental health I have horrible depression, trust issues and I don't trust therepisfs so I don't go to therapy if had to call the suicide hot line for trying to harm myself 3 times already, that's the story I'll update you when I can, sorry for venting, any advice?

I’m just here to vent. I (25F) been in an on again off again situation with my ‘ex’ (22F) for three years. (I just refer to her as such because it’s easier but depending on the day you ask her she’ll say we either dated or never did). I don’t even think there is space for me to go into depth as to how much abuse I’ve endured with her. Lovebombing, gaslighting, manipulating, lying etc. With the exception of me, all relationships she has been in has resulted in extreme physical, emotional and sexual abuse at the hands of another partner. When she and I ‘dated’ last year, an ex of hers who beat her was still harassing and threatening her and I got heavily involved, even having to call the police in her city because the ex gave me a heads up and said she was going to seriously harm her…if you get my drift. I tried my best to love her as anyone deserved to be loved, support her in this very uncomfortable situation but she said all my efforts, sacrifices, etc were not enough. She even said that I was the worst abuser she ever had when i said that I couldn’t do this anymore, and guilt tripped me into staying on the phone for an hour to hear about how I’m an abuser, because she “won’t be silenced again.”
I allowed it but once I was able to realize how much I was harmed a few months later, I sent her a letter via text detailing how she hurt me, but I felt that if it meant that she’d still be alive and safe, I’d go through it again to keep her safe. In retaliation to that text, she doxxed me on twitter and called me a “child lover” if you get my drift for dating her. She was 18.5 when we first met and i had just turned 22, freshman and senior in college (she even lied and said i was 24 when we first met), and in truth she pursued me. She claimed i preyed on her even though the most we had ever done is kiss since we are long distance, and claimed that i stalked her from relationship to relationship she was in, which is just not true. I had just gotten accepted into grad school and she threatened that she would contact my school, and track down my abusive father. I think it’s ironic that i had to damn near pressure her to be vocal about actual abuse she endured but with me, she made up lies. For whatever reason, she had to build a narrative that she was a victim. I was bombarded with phone calls and a texts, and my school was contacted, but i was still able to enroll, slated to graduate this December.
I lived in fear for months, I kept checking her social media, as did my friends, to make sure she wasn’t saying anything more or worse. I’m a very spiritual person so my guides have been adamant that forgiveness is the way and I was stubborn but I got there. I really did. She reached out to me earlier this year out of the blue to apologize for everything she said and did, and say that she saw what I was seeing, and recognized that I was just trying to advocate for her and love her. I was hesitant but I let her back in. I was open about how I was in school, but i am suffering from homelessness and its affected my mental health. She love bombed me said that she was still in love with me and said that she wasn’t going to mess up this time and that she was here to help. . I obviously was frozen and couldn’t say it back, I was scared. She noticed and was like “Let’s change the topic.” I slept on it , and decided that she was going to get another chance but she blocked and ghosted me the next day. Two weeks later she’s claiming she’s dating someone else. It sucked.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, my dumbass reached out for her birthday. I know I’m attached, she kept showing up in my dreams as though she was in trouble. She let me back in and started venting about this new partner who is abusive and hits her. She explains why she left me earlier, which is where she reveals she was diagnosed with BPD and is in cognitive behavioral therapy where I’m allegedly a hot topic of conversation. She said she needs someone doing worse than her in life, and I dont fit that. She said she didn’t like that I didn’’t say I love you back, and that she knows what she did was petty and childish. She said again she was still in love with me, kept saying “I dont know,” but again, wasn’t in a rush to leave the situation she was in, while knowing how the pattern we’re repetitive . I didn’t want to pressure her or be authoritative over the matter because it’s sensitive. She ended the night saying that she was single and looking in my direction once more. But then I woke up the next day blocked again, and I wasn’t letting that slide. It became clear that her partner got involved and was using her phone. Whenever her partner was around she would bark at me, saying that I’m manipulating her emotionally and spiritually, but when she was alone she was unblocking my number and trying to get in touch with me. I let it go on for a few days still looking for resources, coming up with a safety plan for her, until her partner texted me from her phone calling me a predator, mocking me for being homeless, saying i hit my ex (a lie) and threatening to contact my school. I know that this narrative, all of it, came directly from my ex, her partner wouldn’t have coincidentally make that up. The same trauma i experienced last year, I was living it again. The same thing she apologized for, she was doing it to me again. Someone she claims to love, and wants a family with, etc. I sent one final text to her again, calling out what she had done, and in response she did the thing where she ignores the majority of the text holding her accountable for her actions, and deflects and ended up threatening me about harassment and getting attorneys involved.
I was on the phone with my friend earlier today and she revealed to me that she was recently diagnosed with BPD. She mentioned that I could be a “FP” to my ex, but I’m not quite sure. For me, I feel shitty for still holding out for her, a part of me believing that she and I could be endgame. It feels like feeling that way is a HUGE disservice to myself and my growth. I fixate on things so doing research about BPD has been my latest thing, just to make sense of what I’ve been through. My friends, my therapists, and even ChatGPT have all collectively agreed that i was emotionally abused and manipulated by her. She’s made me feel that i am unworthy of love, that I will never be loved or chosen, and I’m honestly scared to trust,, be vulnerable, or just simply love, but that is something I am determined to unlearn.
If you made it. This far, thanks fro reading, and if there’’s anything you’d like to suggest or, advise, I’m all ears. Much love. <3

Hey so I used to play this game back in 2016 with a friend and I've only just remembered it but cant remember the name.
Platform : PC
Genre : 2d/side on/shoote1v1
Time of release : 2016 or earlier
Graphics were sort of pixelated of what i can remember but bright
Notable Characters : wasnt notable characters to my memory but they were stickmen type with different colours and accessories i think
Notable game mechanics: ok so you would pick up different weapons and it also had somewhat destructible environments like parts of a room or things falling, there was also sometimes acid you could fall into. It had different levels kind of like smash bros with different settings and different mechanics based off the level
Other : We played on a school computer so i feel as if it was one of those unblocked webstes but i could be wrong

We were college sweethearts, but for the length of our then 3+ year relationship I had seeds of doubt here and there. Would I be happier with someone else, would she be happier with someone else? We never even really had serious issues, never had many arguments, and overall the relationship was perfect. We had just come back that winter from a couple trip where I gave her a promise ring. But still over time I found myself in doubt, like a gnawing feeling asking “What if..?” Sometimes I found myself thinking of my ex before her, the only other serious relationship I had. I never seriously entertained it thinking the idea in itself so far-fetched. This ex was out of my life for some time between the end of high school and the end of college. We weren’t on a talking basis whatsoever.
Then the pandemic came. Everything changed so fast and radically. My girlfriend, living with elderly family, insisted we could no longer see each other during the onset of Corona. At the time, knowing absolutely nothing about coronavirus and the truly rare circumstances we were in, I just felt genuine hurt and disappointment. I thought she wanted an excuse to end things or take space or whatever. We didn’t know what “immunocompromised” meant. Things that felt so random and hard to understand that ultimately were beyond selfish looking back.
The thought of me running into my first ex had never occurred to me and I’m not the type to look for it but one day it happened, just after a bit of time dealing with this new space between my and my girlfriend. We lived much closer than me and my girlfriend and I saw her randomly out at a restaurant. I was beyond pleased to see her, and just like that I was in the DMs that same night. It was immediately back on but at the expense of playing serious games with the love of my life. To be clear, I took her request for space as a legit desire to separate and solidified it as a “break”. Not truly understanding the gravity of the situation, that it really was dangerous to see each other, that her family really was at risk. Her grandpa passed away that Spring and her mother went into serious Covid treatment. I was with my ex maybe a month or two now thinking all of this was beyond wrong.
The stint with my ex didn’t last long, as she herself was visiting home from abroad and had a college boyfriend she was “on break” from as well. Frankly I didn’t expect that part either. This lead to some devastatingly traumatic arguments between us and now me and this ex are fully no contact. My girlfriend, bless her soul, was somehow still open to us after all of that and yet I came back still with uncertainty, the last thing she deserved. I came to her crying about the situation with the ex, about her, about myself and remorse and ultimately I still felt I didn’t know what I wanted. This ordeal lasted maybe from March 2020 to October 2020. Details are hazy but just at the end when I knew I was ready to commit is when she decided it wasn’t up to me anymore. We had the worst, biggest, possibly even the only fight we had in our entire relationship. I’d never said nastier words to a woman who deserved it the least and worst of all over fear of rejection. In the end I got nasty, manipulative and malicious towards the one person in my life that’s ever meant the most to me.
We’d been no contact ever since. She had me blocked for a while, maybe more than a year.
Now I’m the bitter ex, and I know I have only myself to blame. I don’t even know why I wrote all of this, I’m the bad guy in the story. I’ve since had close family of my own die, and the absolute worst feeling is above all, wishing for that call from her for condolences or comfort or anything.
All I know is that 4 years later there hasn’t been a day gone by I don’t think of her, of us, the standards she set in my life, the beautiful relationship we had, and ultimately how wrong I did her. I’m still on socials, watching, she unblocked me a long time ago, and she’s since moved on seemingly in a relationship almost as long as if not longer than ours. This fucking breaks me. It really does. I’m ready to crash out on a whim on any given day. It was just her birthday and I still see the same ugly motherfucker with a receding hairline and eyes like Sid from Ice Age holding her.
Every year I think I’m getting better, closer to over it. Sometimes I think I just don’t want to be over it. I think of shit like the multiverse and how I’m probably the worst version of me, like Everything Eveywhere. Every other version of me got the girl and I’m just stuck watching her move on.

i 16f am the 5th child on my mothers side and on the younger half of my dads family. my mother and father divorced back in 2016 when i was in elementary school. this divorce had traumatized me and made my childhood and current life difficult. i’ve never had complete family moments because our family is very dysfunctional. anyways following the divorce i stayed with my dad until i had to move in with my mom. although he was given visitation, he was normally pretty caring to me and my older sister. that was until recent years. he let us know we had younger siblings on the way. and at the time it wasn’t clear to me that he had a new family, nor did i know that new family would be the start of my fathers odd behavior and the end of our bond. her make me ship all my things to them because in his eyes his new kids and his new wife needed them more. fast forward to 2020-2023 my dad became more and more ignorant of me. he’d ignore me and always be on the phone with his new family whenever i was around. he’d care for them more and started putting all his time and effort into them. it was almost as if he had forgotten i existed. as i got older i began to realize how horrible my dad truly was and how my youth blinded me. he was abusive, chauvinistic and very narcissistic. he’d tell me that women were made just to cook and clean, not want to have basic father daughter time, spend every penny on his other family, dirty up his home and leave it like that until me and my sister arrived for visit to clean for him and regularly say hurtful things to me. when i say i was disgusted i mean it was absolutely atrocious. his home, his words, all of it. my father began to neglect me and my sister. so as a result i became detached from him. i remember on my freshman year in high school, my mom couldn’t afford every little thing. so i asked for his support since i wasn’t of age for a job and my sister had her own money. i had to beg this man to take care of me and do his job as my father. he said i was a needy nuisance and that he pays my mom so why should he be helping me now. as a result, i felt hurt and as soon as i could i got a job the following summer. when i had gotten my job i had asked him to drop me off there for them to finish my proceedings. this broke the straw on the camels back, as he began to swear at me and cuss me out, i wont go into detail but he was some telling me women like me don’t need a job and that i don’t listen and some other hurtful things about me. i hung up on him before he could say anything else. the last time i had seen in around august he refused to apologize and said that he was my god and i needed to listen to whatever he told me, as his words were over mine. at that very moment my hatred for him was cemented. from then on i refused to speak to him and hid my very existence from him. a few months later he popped up bothering my sister to force me to call him. and out of pity for her time, i did. the second i called he began asking me for 300+ dollars i had made while working to give to his new family. i was immediately enraged and hung up. not even a hi, or nothing. my mother says i should forgive him and that this is unfair even though she also dislikes him and my sister says just ignore him because african men are like this (as we are african people). fast forward to now he has come to my house at 7am on a school day while i was preparing to leave. he bombarded me on where the money is and to unblock him. he keeps asking for money from me even after his shitty behavior. i am unsure on if i am wrong for not giving him any of my hard earned money that he had harshly cursed me for…im not up to do it…and i feel like i deserve an apology…aita?

Hi I need some advice please, all is appreciated! I’m a first time user on Reddit so please bear with me. (I've posted this on 3 (forums?) on Reddit and 1 on Quora, hopefully I'm doing this right lol. )My mom is a hard-working, single mother to 3 school-aged kids (I’m the oldest). The past couple years have been really rough on her, and I really want to help make things easier for her when I’m not at university. A few years ago, my mom bought a house in Spain, and since we don’t live there (we live in Canada), she hired a real estate/rental agency that manages the property for short or long-term rentals, and has been renting it out. Unfortunately, as we are now discovering, the company is very shady and we have run into several problems with them to the point that we no longer wish to work with them, and want them to vacate the property. The situation is as follows:
-the communication with the company has always been difficult, but worsened significantly in 2023
-the agency has been ignoring the house’ owners’ (aka my moms’) attempts at communication, and withdrew all payments to her for 6 months without any explanation
-not knowing what else to do, my mom left a bad review on the agency’s website, and as soon as she posted that review the agency all of a sudden paid her
-since then the agency has been demanding my mom takes the review down, and has blocked the house from any further rentals until my mom takes the review down
-meanwhile the fence mysteriously fell down around the house, and the agency also refused to fix it until my mom takes the review down
-my mom emailed the agency and pointed out several breaches of contract they made, and asked the agency to vacate the property by the end of May, and to hand us back the keys (the agency has the only keys to the house). At this point, the agency unblocked the house for bookings and booked the house (to real or fictitious renters) for the whole summer, and continues to ignore my mom and any attempts at communication.
My mom and I will be flying out to Spain in a few weeks to try and solve the problem, but we have no idea on what to expect or what we can really do. My mom is obviously very stressed by this, and I want to be able to help her as much as I can since she has sacrificed so much for our family, and is really the best mom I could ask for. Any suggestions or advice is much appreciated.

My twin flame has been actively reaching out to me and I need it to stop for the sake of my marriage.
For some context and back story: I’m 27 F, I’ve been with my husband 29 M for 7 years (not my twin flame). We have a really great life together with our 1.5 yr old. My twin flame (27 M) and I met in high school fell in love, but life took us in different directions. Within those 7-8 years he had two children with other women and there has been minimal contact. That was up until I got pregnant in 2022 and my TF reached out to me to express that he wished I was pregnant with his baby, that we would have had a beautiful life together, and that all his exes are jealous of me. I responded by letting him know his advances were inappropriate and that out of respect of my marriage, I would block him. I kind of rubbed his nose in it too, telling him our relationship would never work because he has never been in a long term, stable relationship and he has his own children to look after. I expressed that I’ll always love him but it was time to part ways and I blocked him before he had the chance to respond.
Fast forward to end of November, early December of 2023. I had a harsh bought of postpartum depression and mania. The mania got worse after I weaned my child from breastfeeding. I could sense a huge draw to my TF and I gave in and unblocked him and reached out. I apologized for the way I abruptly shut him down last time we spoke and I didn’t expect any kind of response. He responded and said something along the lines of “I can’t believe you actually reached out” (paraphrasing), implying that I was following his call. We’ve known since the moment we met we were twin flames so while it was a surprise that I acted on the call, it wasn’t entirely out of the blue as we were both heavily on each others minds. Anyways, in true TF fashion, we picked right up where we left off with the passion and the connection and deep conversations. My husband didn’t know but I quickly decided I wanted to leave him for my TF. After lots of fighting and conversations, we separated but decided to still live together while we figured out finances and housing. After about three weeks, I realized I was making a huge mistake and wanted my family life back. Things got ugly, my mental health continued to spiral and I ended up getting hospitalized. Before the hospitalization I called everything off with the TF and again, blocked him on everything. As soon as I was out of crisis, and managing my medications along side seeing a therapist, I began to feel like myself again and my husband took me back fully and we have been spending the last several months trying to heal and grow back together. It hasn’t been easy but it’s been a very vulnerable, human experience.
Now that we’re caught up to present day, this last week I went on a trip for my school and this whole time I have been having dreams about TF and having old songs and signs pop up everywhere. Just this morning I received a friend request on snap chat from TF and I impulsively added him back. I thought he was blocked on everything but apparently he was only unfollowed/unfriended on SC. It’s been small talk so far, but I need to remain committed in my marriage. I’m considering performing a cord burning to sever the tie we have but I’ve heard that it’s not simple or without consequences for twin flames. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Need Reddit's help!
GF of 3.5 years sat me down a few months ago after a short break whereby she blocked me explaining she didn't feel prioritized. I tried hard after she unblocked me to reconnect and we agreed there was a misunderstanding resulting in her feeling hurt. I apologized and asked what is needed to prevent such an occurrence (she was in NP school for last 3 years and was stressed). To be clear, her hurt feelings was from her perception / not something I did.
2 months later we are slowly getting back to where we were. We're both communicating better. I feel and think I've made a much bigger effort than her these days but am OK with it given her feeling were hurt and her behavior was reactionary.
Last week I did several things to prioritize her: invited her out with a friend of mine that's usually just the two of us (we catch up every 2 weeks alone). I made her a very nice home cooked dinner at home for graduation (she just graduated NP school), took her out for another dinner for graduation (just the two of us), bought her a couple of gifts, and sent her pictures of her graduation day to her so she can send to her family that couldn't attend (I was on business travel and had to set aside time to stream it, take pics, edit, and send - not major but thoughtful of her family since no one else was going to do that her).
This week, I bought her groceries twice and stopped by her place after I dropped by kids off at school (I'm divorced with 2 young children / she's divorced no kids) 3 out of 4 days (I offered and she wanted).
Last night, we spoke around 11pm and decided I'd come over for breakfast and we'd figure out our plans for the day together, which included a scheduling our trips together for the rest of the year (read: me prioritizing her). 8.30 am she calls me asking if I'm coming over (I was on my way). She tells me she' leaving to go to Whistler to ski by herself for the day. I was like wtf?
She deflected alot saying I was attacking her (a common refrain) when I express disappointment or hurt by her behavior. She eventually apologize but left for the trip saying we'll plan stuff when she returns the next day. However, she knew the next several days weren't possible. When I realized that later, we were in the middle figuring out when we're going to make these long awaited plans but she crossed the boarder, her call dropped (she was aware it was going to) and that was that. She could purchase a mint pass for 5 bucks to call me back but hasn't.
I can't reconcile her words, saying she wants to marry me and she loves me and needs to be prioritized, with her behavior (unilaterally making plans / cancelling on me last minute without discussing it) or just going about her day without thinking of me or my schedule.
How do I interpret her behavior and what should I do about this? I'm very frustrated, hurt, and don't want to be back in a prior relationship where I was giving and didn't get much in return.
Thanks!
[edit] Someone mentioned they hope they are getting the "full reality". I suppose that means the other side.
She has said she asked to marry me 3x and I didn't immediately say yes (my response with aligned behavior was that I take time to get to know someone, especially given we met during lock down, our lives have had a lot going on, and i have two young children which I want to slowly introduce them to her - which I have increasingly done so). So I've been slow to commit but always consistent and moving in the right direction, while expressing my intentions and feelings. So she'll criticize / be unhappy with me for that and while I own that, I don't think it's unreasonable because a) I'm not rejecting her but finding a speed by which we compromise and 2) always listening and incorporating her needs when expressed (they are not often - she says she doesn't want to be needy). Hat tip to the person who said she's a bad communicator!

IDC I'mma do it anyway.
Cover names: A, B, and C: My first second and third crush I didn't even really try to go through with but I was in elementary anyway
Cover name: D: Then I went to middle school and my friend told me someone had a crush on me (actually he literally texted I LOVE [MY NAME], I saw a screenshot) and then he got my number. fast forward to last year of middle school during the super bowl I texted him asking if he was watching it, he had no idea who I was (or at least claimed he didn't) and I told him everything I had remembered.
Cover name: E: For context he has a terrible rep of lying to me and I had been contemplating recieving his number when I was asking friend Z to get friend Y's number. He also has ADHD (i think inattentive). Kept telling me he liked me, like a lot. asked me out I said I'll go out with you but people change. (I meant that I would test the waters and/or just go out casually). He took it as a no, i don't like him in that way but we still planned to go out casually. Fast forward closer to the date (as in calendar date) he says he's going to NJ on that date EVEN THO I A) TOLD HIM TO PUT IT ON HIS CALENDAR AND B) PLANNED FOR THAT DATE SO THAT WE WERE BOTH AVAILABLE. Fast forward a week or 2 later he asks if we are still up for the going to the place. after I told him it passed he said he was OUT WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND (maybe to make me jealous?) then in summary his friend called me ugly (might not have been his friend and he was just covering his ass) and I blocked him. then we started talking through Z and I felt bad so I unblocked him to text fast forward almost a year he apologizes? What? I don't think I should accept but friend X said I should, what do you think?
Cover name: F: Then I found out that someone from my middle school was going to the brother school of my school and I started obsessing over him and we went to homecoming together and it was a flunk (we didn't really talk and we went to panera all dressed up and it was awkward and I felt over dressed so we ate outside but it was cold etc etc)
Cover name: G: Then it was E's friend and that was when I was REALLY into talking about my AuDHD and that was the last conversation
Cover name: H: Met him in theater, he was too old so my mom won't let me.
Back to F: talking about him gave me dopamine so now him lol

Until my college days I was very proactive and was easy to approach women and have a good impression about myself. This I guess was because we were forced to stay in a school/college for years, forced to talked to new people and that madethe deal to be easy. But after college, I don't actually meet new people and the place I work is very small (in terms of head count) where I was spending my max time and now I'm in wfh which doesn't let me go places and approach women because I usually don't go anywhere alone. I ask atleast one friend to come if I want to watch a movie or try a new restaurant. Friends are damn busy with their personal life and we meet very rarely. Even if I find a new women in my life interesting and approach her, idk what to dk next.
Last year i found a women really really interesting and she too felt like interested in building conversation with me but after 2 3 days, i was able to get her number and texted her which didn't go well. I got the feeling from the conversation for the couple of days that she's not interested. Since we didn't know each other i couldn't able to bring a common thing to talk about (and she wasn't that involved in talking about her stuffs). one fine day she just blocked me 1 or 2 months before. man I was really interested in her but i just gave up considering her response but now i was randomly scrolling and found out that she unblocked me. i didn't message her because I have a feeling that she'll block me again if i message her.
There are few more things like that. See I don't wanna look like a weirdo so i don't approach women until I obviously got a positive signal from them or else I'll just don't even try. I know for a women I'm just one more guy but for a guy it's always the one shot or not shot because i never get our dms fludded.
I wanna grow myself to be a better person in approaching women. What advice would you give me with my flashbacks?

Hi I need some advice please, all is appreciated! I’m a first time user on Reddit so please bear with me. (I've posted this on 2 (forums?) on Reddit and 1 on Quora, hopefully I'm doing this right lol. )My mom is a hard-working, single mother to 3 school-aged kids (I’m the oldest). The past couple years have been really rough on her, and I really want to help make things easier for her when I’m not at university. A few years ago, my mom bought a house in Spain, and since we don’t live there (we live in Canada), she hired a real estate/rental agency that manages the property for short or long-term rentals, and has been renting it out. Unfortunately, as we are now discovering, the company is very shady and we have run into several problems with them to the point that we no longer wish to work with them, and want them to vacate the property. The situation is as follows:
-the communication with the company has always been difficult, but worsened significantly in 2023
-the agency has been ignoring the house’ owners’ (aka my moms’) attempts at communication, and withdrew all payments to her for 6 months without any explanation
-not knowing what else to do, my mom left a bad review on the agency’s website, and as soon as she posted that review the agency all of a sudden paid her
-since then the agency has been demanding my mom takes the review down, and has blocked the house from any further rentals until my mom takes the review down
-meanwhile the fence mysteriously fell down around the house, and the agency also refused to fix it until my mom takes the review down
-my mom emailed the agency and pointed out several breaches of contract they made, and asked the agency to vacate the property by the end of May, and to hand us back the keys (the agency has the only keys to the house). At this point, the agency unblocked the house for bookings and booked the house (to real or fictitious renters) for the whole summer, and continues to ignore my mom and any attempts at communication.
My mom and I will be flying out to Spain in a few weeks to try and solve the problem, but we have no idea on what to expect or what we can really do. My mom is obviously very stressed by this, and I want to be able to help her as much as I can since she has sacrificed so much for our family, and is really the best mom I could ask for. Any suggestions or advice is much appreciated.

I (25F) want to tell my (30M) Boyfriend that if he wants to talk about his friend, he will have to find anyone other than me to do it, because hearing about him makes me violently nauseous.
I’ll call my Boyfriend Jay, and his friend Chad so I can keep it straight. Fake names for the win, else I’ll spill every bean I have.
Please forgive my bunny trail of an explanation, but I have context on my Why’s.
Chad and I have had a rather negative relationship for around two years, and I have him blocked on everything for around 7 or 8 months now. Before that, we were all in the same circle of friends together. Chad is the older brother of my best friend, but we never met before 2020, that’s when my best friend and Chad wanted to get a larger group together for a streaming project. Chad and Jay were friends for around a year or so before the project started.
The project friends had about 6 regulars including me for the first two years, until Chad starting bringing in how own personal friends into the group. Chad started getting meaner and making more rude “jokes” directed to me or his brother when his friends were around. It got worse when Chad invited one of his friends, Hunter. Hunter was known to Chad’s friend group as being really bad with women, having a track record of running any girls in the friend group out and away for the same reasons. Chad never wanted me, or any other of the original project people about Hunters behavior patterns. All he did was say really hurtful things to me if Hunter started helping me in game, but if I brought it up, he would say it was a joke. All of these jokes revolves around calling me many forms of a loose woman, saying I collected simps? And other such things along that path of thought.
Hunter took about a week to get comfortable before he made advances on me and made me really uncomfortable. When I rejected him, he got rather aggressive. I told my best friend about it, who then told Chad. Chad just told me to “Actually Tell him no. He’s a good guy I want you to get along with him.” That kind of hurt my feelings because I Very much said no, and he didn’t take it well. For the next month Hunter SA’d me, and told me it was my fault, and that if his friends are mad at him, it’s my fault too. I didn’t tell the friend group much at the time because I was absolutely so ashamed of just everything. And when Chad found out something had gone down, he said how I was the one to let it happen, and that I just didn’t say no. Chad made sure to tell me the drama in the group was my fault, and nothing too bad must have happened if I didn’t tell them all about it.
This was about where I broke and just had no idea what to do, because it seemed like Chad didn’t want to listen to me. But that same week, Hunter sent some Dick pics to another friend, and made some extreme comments to her, including that he would unalive himself if he didn’t get a picture of her boobs.
It was only after that that Hunter was banned from the group, but Chad made sure to continue making choice comments about me. And I could do my best to ignore it until Christmas that year, when I was showing off some of the cute things I got to another member of the group when Chad said he just didn’t care, and went on a hour and a half rant about how bad I was and how stupid and gross and how he couldn’t stand to have me around. No one said anything during his rant, and I couldn’t stay anymore and take it and left. Only Jay and one other messaged me after asking if I was okay, and said it seemed like he was really attacking me that day. When I tried to talk to Chad about it, he got offended and said it was a joke.
After that, I stopped interacting with the group. I only talked to my best friend, Jay, and two others from the original group. During that year of me not interacting with Chad, Chad got angry if I hung out with Jay or best friend when not with him, and if he saw me hanging out with anyone, it got him one another hour long rant. My best friend unfortunately had to listen to all of them.
I finally blocked Chad after he came onto my twitch with his friends to insult me as much as they could. The straw that did it for me was that Chad said he was “surprised that I was even in collage when I was so fucking stupid” I’m extra salty about that because Chad only for two years of High school in before he dropped out.
Jay and I live together now, and I’ve told Jay about all the comments, showed him chads and my direct messages, and how I have such strong anxiety when Chad comes up for whatever reason. I actively have nightmares about Hunter and Chad still.
Jay and Chad do DnD every week, and have game nights pretty frequently too, and Jay will tell me about them, and about how glad he is that Chad is on his team because everyone else sucks.
Recently Chad and Jay got together to talk, and Chad said he regrets how he handles things and has no hard feelings towards me. Jay sounded really excited, and asked if I would unblock Chad and if things would go back to the way there were before. I never want to hear Chads voice again, and can’t see that happening.
I’m worried about being the A-Hole because I don’t want to tell my BF who he can be friends with or give him an ultimatum of “it’s your friend or me” but I feel like if I said to keep everything about Chad away from me I would be. Especially as Jay has said he hasn’t felt like he was a good friend to Chad after he got with me, and he wants to keep his friends as he doesn’t have many close ones after moving.
TLDR: Mutual friend bullied(?) me and now is only friends with my BF. BF and old friend still hang out and it makes me uncomfortable.