Transportation sorting for kindergarten

Had a random realisation that the words “coach” and “train” have similar meanings for both definitions (they both refer to a mode of transport as a noun and some sort of skill teaching as a verb). Any experts know if this is intentional?

Platinum End Theory: Who Is God And Those Mysterious Beings In The Finale Explained
Original link- https://reddit.com/platinumend/comments/sdw2rc/deleted_by_use
Repost cause the original was deleted. I'm not OP. OP is https://www.reddit.com/usemuphenz
Deleted Theory https://www.reddit.com/platinumend/s/b347iH85A7
Thanks https://www.reddit.com/usecompletelylostcase for the Pastebin link. https://pastebin.com/A8K4bJiD
DISCLAIMER: This theory will go over the entire story of Platinum End, so obvious spoilers ahead.Just a heads up, this theory is posted at the time that only a few episodes of the anime have been released. Depending on how much the anime stays like the manga, details may end up changing. Therefore, the entire theory will be based solely on the manga. I will also leave snippets of the manga with the highlighted text to support my claim. Please be sure to read those as it will help this theory make sense. This theory is completely my own original thoughts. If anyone shares this, please be sure to credit me, Muphenz. Thanks! Hello, my fellow Platinum End fans! If you’re like me, the ending completely caught me off guard and left my head-scratching. Do not worry! I’ve overanalyzed everything and made a theory to possibly explain who god and those beings at the end of the story are, so you don’t have to. Those beings at the end of the manga, chapter 58, are drum roll…humans of the future who have achieved many scientific advancements who existed well before the story of Platinum End takes place and are simulating their own world with fake humans, fake angels, and a fake god. Why are the real humans running this simulation? Simply put, they’re suicidal and no amount of therapy is going to help with that. Why are they wanting to die? In the future, it is predicted by Gaku Yoneda that within 500 years, humans will achieve immortality. Once they achieve immortality, they will eventually master time and space and will be able to do things like teleport, time travel, see the future, etc. And once humans achieve immortality and are able to know all of the future, they will discover that the future cannot be changed according to Dr. Yoneda. Just like Dr. Yoneda’s prediction, the real humans are wanting to die which is why it’s stated by one of the real humans how annoying it is that there is no death. Whatever the process was that made the real humans immortal, it seems that it cannot be reversed to restore one’s mortality. Although it’s not stated how humans will achieve immortality and allow them to control time and space, this will somehow cause humanity’s apocalypse as well, destroying the original Earth. What makes these creatures more human-like than god-like is that they admit they were born on another planet, most likely the original Earth. They are also aware that they too were created by something that is above them. How do we know Dr. Yoneda’s predictions are right? It was stated by Shuji Nakaumi that his past predictions came true. One thing to understand about science is that it’s extremely good at accurately predicting things. Example 1: With Issac Newton’s law of motion, scientists can predict the position of an object at any specific time, past, present, or future. Example 2: In the 1840s, Fitzner astronomer Urbain Le Verrier was analyzing the orbit pathway of Mercury and found that it is changing very slowly over time. With technology limited at that time, it was hard to provide proof. In 1915, the famous German physicist, Albert Einstein was able to calculate the influence of the curved space in Mercury’s orbit. That is 75 years later that science proved its prediction was right. Although science cannot tell future events like a psychic will attempt to, I believe this is what the author was using to help advance the plot for the ending. The real humans already know the future and they’re aware that no matter what they try, death is not a part of that. If they cannot do it, someone else can. That is when these simulations come in. The real humans will create simulated humans. In one of the simulations, the story of Platinum End takes place. This would not be on a computer. This process would involve terraforming an entire planet to support carbon-based life. The planet that the simulated humans live on will be similar to the original Earth as well as the history and advancement of science will be similar to the real humans. As the simulated human’s society progresses, like in Platinum End, they would eventually learn how to become immortal and learn how to control space-time which would lead to them wanting to die just like the real humans. But unlike the real humans, the simulated ones may actually achieve a way to kill themselves once they obtain immortality that the real humans could use. But as we already know stated by the real humans, this specific simulation was a failure. Nothing was created that was capable of killing them. Thus, the real humans will move on to a new simulation. Pay very special attention to this picture. Notice right after all of the humans disappear when the fake god kills himself, the buildings are slowly crumbling away since no one is here to maintain them. According to World Building, it would take an average of 250 years for a building to start to break apart since materials like wood and plastic would be destroyed by the environment if not maintained. Metal would be expanding and no longer able to keep the building's structure in place. This would cause things like windows to fall off and shatter. So after a few hundred years, the real humans return to the planet after the simulated humans disappeared due to the fake god’s suicide. It’s possible that during this time they’re running other simulations on other planets and returned when this simulation was completed. Since the real humans have achieved master over space-time, teleporting to anywhere in the universe would not be out of the question. Since they cannot die, the amount of time it would take for the real humans to travel anywhere in the universe is irrelevant as well. Even though Gaku Yoneda’s predictions about the simulated humanity’s end were wrong, he was technically right. It did come true for the real humans. If Shuji Nakaumi, as the fake god, did not kill himself and wipe out all of the fake humans, they would of most likely learned how to cheat death and to control space-time in the future. Gaku was wrong about the fake god being a product of human belief in order to live. He even admits that the composition of the fake god was wrong. If the fake god required human belief to live, then Shuji would not have erased the memories of those who were not god candidates as it would have affected the fake god's existence if fewer people believed in him. There is one thing that begs the question. Why is a fake god needed to run these simulations? Why do the simulated humans have souls? Why not just create the simulated humans and leave them to figure out how to create an immortal killing machine without the process of a false god? This is because God and souls are actually real and are necessary for life to exist. To clarify, the “God” that Shuji Nakaumi was transmuted into is not the true God that I’m referring to. I’m referring to the first cause of everything, a self-aware creator, a deistic God who existed before time and space who created the universe and does not intervene in its creation. This means no miracles, prophecy, answering prayers, divine revelation, etc. Everything in the universe is governed by physics and these laws cannot be broken. The real humans who are running the simulations are aware that they are a creation made from a creator. However, since a deistic God does not interfere in the universe, the real humans cannot know of him, at least while they are still alive. Considering the real humans can control space-time, I can say for certain at one point, at least one person went to the very beginning of time and saw something that would be evidence of an intelligent designer creating the universe. When the real humans are conversing with each other at the finale, one human suggests identifying what created them and the second one replies that seeking their creator will be a waste of time. If a deistic God won’t intervene in its creation, the real humans would be wasting time by attempting to contact him. Even though they can control space-time, if the creator exists outside of reality, they would not be able to reach this entity. Focusing on figuring out who created them means that time is wasted if they're not figuring out how to die which is why it would take them further away from death. Just as the simulated humans have souls, the real humans also have souls. At some point, the real humans discovered the soul. They are aware that this is needed for life to be sentient. The discovery of the soul could have played a key part in the real humans achieving immortality. The fake god is engineered by the real humans to create souls so that life can be sentient, mimic the universe's deistic God by allowing the simulation to run with no interference, and act as a mod to keep an eye on life with the red and white arrows. The celestial realm was created so the fake god would not be a part of the simulated world. Even though time moves differently in the celestial realm, it is the closest thing that the real humans can engineer to simulate a deist God that is separated from its creation. This fake god does not have the powers of a supreme being. The fake god does not know everything, is not everywhere at once, and does not display any sort of omnipotent ability. There is a lot of things that the fake god admits to not knowing, such as who created him, why are souls preserved, and how long does the merging process take. Although we do see the fake god have the ability to observe humanity, I would say that this is the equivalent of having admin privileges to watch humanity live-streamed on YouTube. The fake god is aware that he is created by someone. The fake god noticed that there are things that had already been created that he was not a part of just by observing everything in the universe. Although he seems to not understand what created him. He even acknowledges the idea that humanity could have created him. All the simulated souls come from the fake god. This is done through a process of emanation, which means to flow from. In the Abrahamic religions, specifically Gnosticism, Jewish Mysticism, and certain sectors of Protestantism, instead of your typical creator being separate from its creation, everything is a spontaneous outflow from God. As pieces of God emanate from him, it becomes less divine, but these pieces will eventually become an individual soul that forms into human spirits, angels, demons, as well as other things that come into reality such as heaven, hell, and the world of the living. Eventually, everything that came from God, will return back to the creator. (If you’re still confused on what emanation is, I would do more research before continuing to read as this will play a key role in understanding who the fake god is.) Emanation is how the fake god created the simulated human and their soul, the fake angels, and the celestial realm. The fake god took a piece of himself and used it to create life. Since everything emanates from the fake god is connected to him, as he is dying, most of the angels are dying too. Due to this connection, when the fake god killed himself, everything that was tied to the fake god disappeared. But because the creation of the fake god is not connected to the physical world, the planet and everything that is not life remained on it. When the simulated human beings die, the soul goes to the celestial realm. This is the returning aspect of emanation. The souls that came from the fake god are returning back to him. You always see all angels, regardless of rank, having the task of carrying the souls to the celestial realm. It seems that the main purpose of the angels is to help with the return part of the emanation process. The more that the emanence is divided, the less divine it becomes. This is why the fake humans are considered sub-celestial in the hierarchy.It appears that there is a certain order to the flow of emanation. The newest creations emanate from the fake god. Kids will be the first in the line for the emanate process and their parents will be behind them. This is why when the fake god committed suicide, the kids were the first ones to disappear, then the adults. All things that emanate from the fake god are returning to the original source in reverse order when the fake god takes his own life. When the fake god merges with a human, this appears to go against the set pattern of the emanation process by breaking the order in which the emanence flows. This is why when Shuji merged with the fake god, it felt like there was something foreign in the fake god's body similar to how an infected person's body acts when the immune system detects foreign bacteria or a virus. The only way to get around it is by the fake god merging with a simulated human and having the fake god take over the new body when the fusion is completed. It is stated by the fake god that it is nothing more than humanity's assumption that God cannot die. This may be true for the deistic God, but not for a fake god. It is already known that the real humans achieved immortality. Although the fake god could have been engineered to be immortal, that would just create another being who would eventually want to die. The fake god was designed to live a long life, compared to humans, that could be extended through the process of merging with one of its emanated counterparts until the simulation was completed. This has been done throughout time in the form of the god choosing process. The fake god confirmed to Shuji that his purpose was to create life. Professor Yoneda confirmed that the fake god was created by human imagination and that its purpose was to end life. On the surface, this may seem like a contradiction. But both of them are right. The fake god’s purpose was to create the simulated humans. God is metaphorically a creation of human imagination. It was not by the simulated human’s imagination as stated by Yoneda, but it was designed and engineered by the minds of the real humans. Since the purpose of the simulation is for the fake humans to achieve immortality and figure out how to reverse it, you can say that the fake god is a part of that process of killing humanity. Right as all of the humans are disappearing, Dr. Yoneda realizes that the composition that makes up the creature is based on a science that the simulated humans have not discovered yet. The composition of the fake god is Aether. In medieval times, a common study among scholars is alchemy, which can be best described as the forerunner for modern-day chemistry mixed with the pseudoscience of metaphysics. According to Charles Gillispie, a historian at Princeton University, in his book, The Edge of Objectivity, An Essay in the History of Scientific Ideas, Aether is the fifth element, along with earth, wind, fire, and water, that are the basic building blocks of the universe. During medieval times, Aether is the substance that is believed to connect the physical world to the spiritual one. It was even a common belief that the Abrahamic God was surrounded by Aether and that all of the angels, demons, and souls that dwelled in the afterlife breathed it in as humans breathed in the air. According to Jakob Bernoulli, a mathematician from the 1600s, believed that Aether is what allowed souls to interact with their human bodies. All of these characteristics of Aether match the composition of the fake god. Aether is what allows life to become sentient, connecting all of the simulated humans back to the fake god from the physical world to the celestial realm. It seems at some point, the real humans discover this element. This discovery most likely led to the discovery of the soul. Using this element, the real humans used Aether to construct the fake god needed for the simulations. Everything that is a part of the simulation, the fake god, angels, the soul, the arrows, is made up of this element. The red arrow is what allows the god candidates to make other humans fall in love with them so much that the person who is under the influence of the arrow will do literally anything the person who is in control wants, even die for them. The white arrow has the ability to kill any life while all inanimate objects are unaffected. These were limits placed on the arrows by the fake god. According to Ogaro, the fake god can use the full power of the arrows at will. The red arrow is more than just making someone fall in love. The arrow does this by taking away their free will. The god candidates were limited to using the arrow on 14 people at once for a period of up to 33 days. With the fake god able to use the full power of the red arrow, he can enslave any or all simulated humans with a snap of his finger for as long as he desired. The red arrow also played a role in creating the first simulated life as well. The fake god stated that if life was left alone, it would multiply. The desire of falling in love and wanting to procreate was implanted by the red arrow when life was created. The white arrow is the opposite of the red arrow. This arrow can kill life instantly. The limit that was placed on this arrow is that only one white arrow can be shot at a time. Just like the red arrow, this arrow has a maximum range of 31.6 meters. When cycling the white arrow, there is a cool down period of 0.3 seconds. If these limiters are removed, the fake god can kill all humans with the white arrows with virtually no limit on distance, any number of arrows can be used simultaneously, and there would be no mandatory cool down period. The creation of the simulated humans involves two key ingredients. The first is the soul which comes from the fake god. The second is a physical body for the soul to be attached to. The real humans asked if it was worth planting another seed and another god as those are two separate things. The making of another god is obviously the fake god. But what is the seed? The seed is what makes the physical embodiment of all plants and animals that all emanence is attached to. I.E., souls attached to bodies. According to the fake god, before he created life on the fake Earth, there was some sort of micro-organism. This seed would be that micro-organism, specifically carbon-based bacteria that is capable of evolution. Around 3 billion years ago, the first life on Earth was bacteria. There are two types of bacteria, a classification of anaerobic bacteria that ate other organic compounds and simple sugars to survive. The other kind is autotrophs bacteria which is capable of self-feeding. Anaerobic bacteria would evolve into modern-day animals. Autotroph bacteria would evolve into modern-day plants that still have the ability to self-feed through a process of photosynthesis. It is possible to send bacteria through space. According to a 2020 study published in the Journal of Frontiers in Microbiology, bacteria were able to survive in space for three years. If the real humans were able to transport the seed through space in less than 3 years, it could easily survive. Considering they achieved immortality, it is within reason to think this would be a piece of cake for them. At some point, part of the anaerobic bacteria would come in contact with the fake god, who was on the fake Earth at that time to make life, recognized the fake god as food, and attempted to feed off of him to survive. The bacteria that fed off the fake god would eventually evolve into Nasse. The bacteria that did not feed off of the fake god would evolve into more complex forms of life on the fake Earth. Since Nasse was accidentally created from this event, it most likely means that she is the first angel that the fake god created. This means that she could serve as inspiration for the fake god to create angels for the celestial realm. The angels don't seem to share any ability to reproduce with each other. There is never any mention of any family heritage. It means that all of the angels were created around the same time. Since Nasse is the only angel that came from the seed/bacteria, her biological makeup differs from all the other angels. While the majority of her is angel, part of the genetic makeup is similar to carbon-based life. Although I would not say Nasse is an angel-human hybrid, she could be considered a type of Nephilim. Due to this biological difference, Nasse is the only angel that can interfere in both the physical world and the celestial realm. Much research has shown that facial expressions are innate among all animals, not just humans. The same animals that display facial expressions when expressing emotions, lying, determination, etc. use similar muscles in the face as humans do. For example, a Psychologist, Paul Ekman, studied facial expression from hours of film and ventured on to multiple isolated tribes who have very little contact with modern society. He showed them pictures of facial expressions and asked them to interpret them. These people were able to match facial expressions and their meaning with high accuracy. This is one of the many studies that show facial expressions are genetic. Even though Nasse is single-minded, she is able to understand facial expressions due to her biological relationship with the simulated life on the fake Earth. But hey, this is just a theory."

And it makes me feel like even if I tried to get out of this hole it would be extremely difficult if not impossible.
I recently had a talk with my cousin. He lives in a different country and we are not close, this was the first time I've spoken to him in years and we just talked about casual stuff, our lives, etc etc.
It just kind of reminded me of how far gone I am compared to him. I am 25 and he is 23 but he might as well be decades older than me for how different we are. He was talking to me about his job, his hobbies (which mostly involve him going out with other people) and was really excited about buying a new car soon.
Compared to me who has never worked, literally never interacts with other people irl, and doesn't know how to drive. And I don't have anyone to teach me so I probably won't ever learn.
It's just crazy. He went to college, graduated, and now has a job, whereas I... just never did any of that. I just barely graduated high school in 2017 and I've been a shut-in ever since. I've done literally nothing with my life. Talking to him was probably the first interaction with someone around my age in years.
He never mentioned if he has a girlfriend or not but he seems like a social normal person so I assume he has one or at least dated in the past, meanwhile I don't think I've ever actually spoken to a woman that wasn't my mom lol.
Whenever I spoke I pretty much just talked about games or shows and stuff like that, never anything about me as a person because honestly there is no "me". I've never had friends or close relationships of any kind, never really any passions, I never really developed my own personality. There is nothing to talk about when it comes to myself. And I could tell my cousin was losing interest in the random media I was talking about lol so I just let him talk more about himself.
I don't know, it's just crazy how different I am to my peers. Part of me wants to change but then I ask myself what's the point? If I couldn't make friends or date or do any "normie" stuff when I was still in school and still interacting with society, I definitely can't do any of that after so many years in isolation. And without relationships with others it feels pointless to work and be a part of society.
And how would I even begin to change? It feels like a self-perpetating cycle. The tiniest adversity makes me suicidal. I've been feeling pretty sick over the past month and just this disruption to my routine is making me want to just end it all. Imagine having to wake up early for school or work every day lol. It feels unbelievable. I need like 12 hours of sleep to feel sort of functional. I wake up at like 3-4 pm. I have barely any energy, I am fat, lazy, weak. If I were to get any job at all it would probably have to be some minimum wage grunt work in some warehouse, but that seems very physically taxing and I get winded going up stairs or just standing around for a few minutes.
And then there's driving. I don't drive, I can't afford lessons or a car, I don't know anyone to teach me, and a car feels essential to getting a job since I live on the outskirts of my city and public transportation is very unreliable.
I probably need some sort of therapy to begin interacting with the world again, but I can't afford therapy, but I can't get the money for therapy without a job, but I can't get a job without therapy. So it just feels like it's over.

I (21)male have been dating my (19)girlfriend for over 6months now.
For a long time we have been set on her moving out to me considering I'm in college and she doesn't have it all together there in australia. She has been trynna escape her abusive environment and religion for a long time. She is in Australia and I'm in the U.S. Her mom wants to arrange her marriage and select a guy from the same religion regardless of age or compatibility. Her mom only boast about how the man has a wealthy family and is successful/spiritual. My girlfriends interactions with people has been limited because her Mom doesn't want her interacting with people outside of the religion.
She has recently lost her job because her Mom demands that she takes off for her little brothers and attends religious events. Her mom doesn't charge rent but constantly demands money for any form of transportation or help despite knowing her daughters financial state. This isnt the first job my girlfriend lost due to this, and she doesn't have a license yet because her mom refuses to take her to test or help pay for them.
I met my girlfriend on discord where she ran a server, i know shes been locked up in her room and relies on her computer and phone both of which she fully payed for including service plan. We always vid call and ive been constantly there through night after night when her mother emotionally or physically abuses her. Many times her mom talks about her to a group chat of people from the religion and they shame her.
We had a plan for her to come out for a month in August which the mom knew about, i had a feeling the mom was gonna go against it and last minute she did. She used many tactics to talk my girlfriend into holding off and threatened to disown her. Her mom broke into her phone and went through our chats. When my girlfriend learned about this it resulted in a argument where my girlfriend attempted to stay at a hotel for the night but was stopped by her mom attacking her and choking/ripping her hair and punching her on the ground.
I knew the mom broke in but with the timezonee by the time i woke up i couldn't get in contact with my girlfriend till what was 3am for her sobbing and bruised with a still bleeding nose and marks. Her mom apologized and brought her home and talked to her about how she can't marry whoever she wants.
Ik the decision to leave has recently been hard on my girlfriend because shes worried about her brothers. Her mom constantly wants her spedning money to look perfect and rly beats on her when she's not in her moms ideal physical condition which I don't get because i find her body perfect. My girlfriend has been doing a lot to get out of the house and did get drunk at a bar and raped at one point. On top of that her mom wanted her to have $500 ready ontop of doing her hair and nails to go to Thailand with her. Her mom had no consideration of her financial state when it came to a wedding too.
I've paid for a lot of these things and now its come down to my girlfriend terrified of the u.s because of what poeple and her mom fed her. She is scared to lose contact of people her mom would force to cut her off if she leaves, and just overly confused and never was taught many life skills. She really just knows cooking and cleaning which she does each day 4x.
I helped her go over the process for an interview for the last job she got and her mom complained saying shes getting nowhere, isn't going to college which is dumb because she needs money for college.
Now my girlfriend can hardly afford anything since she lost her job, and she's almost ready to go into sex work. All i can do left is beg her to come here where I'd be able to get her a work visa, citizenship, insurance, a license, a car, medical insurance (which she don't have), she would be able to study abroad, get a job and maybe take up an apprenticeship through connections. I live in my parents shore house for college, they are fine with taking her in and helping her get sorted out here. She just has nobody to go to there, the friends she has can't afford to help her.
When her Nana comes out it's a whole other hell, because the Nana is a lot harder on her. Her Nana has left but might be coming back, she wants to move out and rent but she has no financial support or job. Shes been through most jobs that don't require certification in her town and still no license. I have the money to get her out here and started but it's just too scary and looks too big on her. I would've liked to give her time but with how it's been going our relationship is going looking like dust and her life is going to shit. She already cuts herself and has almost went to nicotine which i got her off because it was going horriblly for her health. Periods which happen monthly add to her debt when she needs help.
I get moving to a new country, leaving her dog and family/friends is hard but atp she's 19 and digging a deathbed of regrets. Her mental state is all sorts of fucked from that environment. Ive done tons to be there and work things out slow with her. Her mom dont believe in disabilities and I see a clear undiagnosed case of ADHD. Prob more, she is indecisive and it seems she relies on people who keep screwing her over.
Rn she practically constantly depressed thinking it won't work, we knew her mom wouldnt allow her to marry me or come here and suddenly last minute she needed her moms approval because she's scared. She wanted to do a 2-3yr break and see what happens and i see that jst going to shit for me and her.
This relationship helped me through a lot and two of my friends deaths, I've lost many close ppl to suicides and accidents of all sorts, went through some terrible relationships and it sucks to say a girl 12,000 miles away was my perfect match despite being very social. My girlfriend can be quite the case but once shes has her time with me without interruptions she rly is worth it all. Through months all ive seen is stress and her family, bad ppl destroying that girl. Me trying to get her to leave that setting is manipulative and controlling, so idk anymore if I'm the asshole asking for too much or I'm the person who will show her a life where she'd be able to be herself and explore her interests. I just know sex work and this controlling and abusive lifestyle isn't what she wants.

I was wondering since this game is the Cold War gone hot and we’re now starting to receive some cool stuff will it ever be attack helicopters like the hind or new vehicles of sorts like transport trucks or their saving that for arma 4

TL;DR: I'm a 37F with newly diagnosed ADHD, and various sounds and actions (like whistling, snapping fingers, humming, mouth breathing, and even tying my shoelaces) cause me intense embarrassment and anxiety. This has led me to avoid these activities and even situations where they might come up. I'm sharing this to acknowledge these struggles and hope to overcome them someday. I want to feel comfortable and not upset if someone asks me to repeat something, understanding that it's often meant in fun, not mockery. Thanks for listening!
Growing up, I was discouraged from making 'noises'—not in the way that you would think, though. I was discouraged because I didn't know how to do it and would become extremely embarrassed if I attempted to whistle or snap, and someone would laugh and ask me to repeat the noise.
To this day, if someone asks me to repeat a noise I made, I am so embarrassed that I immediately feel like that person dislikes me and that I should go mute for a bit. I also become irrationally angry if someone sounds less like they were amused and sound like teasing. Since I can remember, I've worked hard on not making any noises that would annoy someone or make someone stop and ask me to repeat it. Just thinking about it makes me uncomfortable.
Here is a LONG list of noises or actions that I get super embarrassed about to the point that I will make my life harder to avoid doing them:

• Whistling
  • I can sort of whistle if I suck in the air instead of blowing out. Though quiet, I've also learned that if I do this in front of someone, they seem amused and not in an "oh, this person is whistling" way. Moreover, they seem to be amused that there's an attempt to whistle, but I am failing miserably.
    • It's gone to the point that I don't even like it when other people whistle. I will politely ask someone to stop or remove myself from the situation because it makes me super uncomfortable.
• Snapping fingers
  • I was in my 30's when I realized what other people were doing to snap their fingers. When I was younger, I don't think anyone showed me how to snap; they just did it in front of me and assumed I could do it. I couldn't.
    • One time, I was in an ASL (American Sign Language) class, and I thought that I would be okay because even though I couldn't snap, my professor was Deaf, so there was no reason that she would clock my inexperience with snapping. She totally did. D/deaf people can tell when the sound isn't produced for signs so you really do need to do the sound too.
  • I've tried snapping, but my brain hates learning it now because it's such a triggering event.
• Tieing my shoelaces.
  • This one involves a deep-rooted sense of shame. I tie my shoes "wrong." I don't understand the bunny ears thing, and while my technique gets the job done, it's not what everyone else is doing.
    • This doesn't bother me unless someone calls me out on it. It doesn't happen much as an adult, but as a parent, it has become something I am anxious about. I can't figure out how to do it the "right" way, and I am worried I will show my kid how to tie his shoes, and someone will point him out, too.
    • When I was in kindergarten, I spent half my time in the special needs classroom because I was extremely dyslexic. I could read the words fine, but I could not say the words out loud without messing up. My comprehension was great, though, so the teacher would usually have me help out the other kids. I even taught some of them how to read. Anyway, I go to tie this kid's shoes who is verbal but high needs. As I'm halfway done, he yanks his foot away, screams that I don't know how to tie his shoes, and makes a huge scene. Until then, I was proud of my ability to tie my shoes. Since then, I refuse to tie my shoes in front of other people. He wasn't the only one to point this out. Even my husband has said that I tie my shoes "weirdly."
• Humming
  • I hate it; please stop humming.
• Mouth Breathing
  • Growing up, I had super bad allergies. This was mostly due to growing up in a hoarder's home and having a moderate dust allergy. I would hold my breath when I was close to people so they didn't have to hear me breathe. I still do this. It impacts kissing and being on the phone.
    • I hate being on the phone or the mic because, at some point, I will mouth-breathe.
  • When I am concentrating on something, I mouth breathe, and I don't know how to stop doing that. It will happen with my mouth closed, so you can't tell me to close my mouth. It's closed; I still make noise, and I'm sorry about that. I wish I could stop completely because it is incredibly embarrassing when someone says, "Hey, are you okay?" because you're breathing loudly. I immediately wish I was dead every time.
    • I don't mind other mouth-breathers. If I hear someone mouth-breathing, I instinctively feel bad for them because I know they can't help it.
• Various 'sounds'
  • Clicking, onomatopoeias, etc
    • If I say something and someone wants me to repeat it, I immediately feel terrible and want to leave. I know that some people with ADHD like to repeat sounds they hear, but I'm the opposite. If you ask me to repeat a noise, I assume you are making fun of me.
    • I say some words weirdly. The only time this has come up has rocked my world in the worst ways possible. I won't say the word "pillow" out loud anymore in front of strangers. I will pretend I can't remember the word to avoid saying it. (example: Oh yeah, put the tooth under your.. your... , oh you know that thing you rest your head on? Why can't I think of the word?! Right, that's right! Thank you." and move on)
    • I will only do onomatopoeias for my son who is a toddler.
• Competitive Computer Games
  • I don't have any fun with having to compete against the clock, the computer, or worse, other people
    • I've played WoW (and other MMOs) several times and quit when I needed to guild up because the thought of others seeing how bad I am is enough to make me stop playing altogether.
    • I loved the game Gremlins. I played it so much and was so good at it I even considered competing against strangers. My friends hated playing against me because it was the only game I would play where I didn't mind people going in on me because I won most of the time. This is the only game that was not altered in some way for me to play, but it was Friends vs Computers. It would be a personal attack from the game (I'm always mad at the game, not the person) if someone did something clever against me in a game where I would lose. Normal losing was fine, but if you did something where it was a big shift in your favor or I completely misunderstood the rules and did something completely legal in the game, I had no idea or thought it was not something you could do. Fuck that game. Don't even speak its name in my presence. I wish I were joking about that. <<< That feeling is the whole reason I don't play competitive games. I know it is a toxic trait, and it is easier not to play than try to fix it >>>
    • If I am being negatively targeted by anything in a game, it stresses me out to the point of a panic attack.
    • I remember the first game I raged-quit on: Super Nintendo's The Lion King.
• 90% of all Music
  • I don't know why, but most music hurts my ears. It's not as bad when I'm stoned, but certain sounds in most music hurt my ears. Like, literally, though, my ears will hurt when I have to listen to most music when I'm sober.
    • I can't stand it when fingers drag on guitar strings
    • there's something that happens with bass that is popular in music but it's like nails being jammed in my ears. I can't point it out without listening to the song and going, "That's it, that's what hurts."
    • When I'm driving, I like to listen to songs from the 2010s, and I've been told that the 2010s were the suck when it comes to music. So, that's embarrassing.
    • It's embarrassing to tell people I don't listen to music. They don't believe me. I listen to documentaries instead. It's really only been in the last 5 years that I've listened to ANY music. At first I only listened to soft jazz music and when I started getting stoned on a regular basis I was able to figure out that I really like Imagine Dragons and music like them. However, when I'm on a walk or exercising in any other way, I listen to my surroundings instead of music. I am happy though that instead of saying "I don't listen to music" I can shrug and say "I like Imagine Dragons" and feel judged for that instead. That feels more normal.

This is in no way a full list, and maybe you could argue not everything fits as a sound or activity. I would agree with you but it feels really good being able to put it all down. I've recognized that there are instances in my life where I have built rules to avoid things that make me uncomfortable. I followed those rules so much that I will assume everyone is uncomfortable when it's just me. Example: I feel like nobody should ever humm in public and that anyone within ear shot should be extremely bothered by your humming. The AC humming in the walls will give me a full on migrane.
My hope with acknowledging all of this is that maybe I can be okay with some of these things in the future. I want to be the type of person who wouldn't be upset to the point of tears if someone asked them (while laughing) to "say that again". I know that it seems to be a fun activity for most people and it makes me sad that for some reason my wires got crossed and it makes me feel like the person hates me instead.
To be fair, if I feel like the person didn't really hear me, it makes me feel better because maybe I can try again and say it correctly.
Okay, thanks for listening. Bye!

Hello! I would appreciate some guidance. I'll briefly summarize my situation, followed by the information/advice I hope to find. To be clear, I don't have a crowdfunding account and I'm not asking anyone here for money.
My father died in 2011 in a dreary, run-down nursing facility. A drunk driver hit him and my mother, the 'accident' broke his neck and he died a few months later. Just before he passed, I promised I'd look after my mom and make sure she wasn't alone and would never end up in such a place. I believe that comforted him, knowing she wouldn't end up alone and miserable.
I moved in with her in 2015 as her health began to deteriorate. I worked for the first several years following my relocation, but due to health complications, she lost her sight by 2021 and I haven't been able to work outside the home since. We live in a very rural area, miles outside the nearest town of roughly 1100. Since I moved down here, it's been difficult finding regular employment, I've mainly done small gigs for people who needed the help, such as yard work, housework, errands, helping to care for animals, moving, etc.
My parents were always blue-collar and of modest means. My father was a mill worker and my mom was a blackjack dealer. They're both salt-of-the-Earth types, far better people than I've ever been. Before I moved back home, I lived in a city three hours away and worked a variety of positions in social services and mental health. I've never made much money, but I enjoyed social work as helping people to establish more stability in their lives was deeply rewarding. I only wish I was half as helpful in solving my current crisis.
Pause: I don't know how to do this, I've never posted anything more than brief responses to others on Reddit; I'm out of my depth knowing what I should include or leave out when attempting to explain the trouble I'm having. Also, I tend not to do a bang-up job at brevity. I just want to provide a little background and put a little flesh on the bones, so to speak.
My mom is elderly and growing more frail; she cannot see and is prone to falling. She needs someone here at all times, save a brief run to the store or something of that nature. Although she was able to pay off the mortgage on her small home following my dad's death, she has no savings or assets, otherwise. She only has her monthly Social Security, which is less than $20k a year. I no longer have any income and have long since gone through the modest savings I'd managed to put away while I was working. I'm in the process of applying for a Medicaid waiver on her behalf, so I can start getting paid as her caregiver, but it's a process that may take several weeks - even months (home visits/assessments and processing the application and documents needed for evidence takes times). In the meantime, we're getting a little help with Meals on Wheels and Snap benefits, which I'm very grateful for, otherwise, all bills and cost of living are being covered by her small monthly stipend. I've learned to make do with very little, but I'm easy to please and don't need much.
The trouble is transportation. We had a 2008 Honda that is no more; the head gasket blew. We were able to buy it used during the pandemic for a few thousand, we chose the car because the proceeds were being sent to a benefit fund for Haiti. Aside from the lovely widow who lives next door, my mom and I aren't familiar with anyone in this area. We don't have extended family or friends, we're both fairly reclusive and shy - which becomes an enormous drawback when disaster strikes. We're stranded. So far, my elderly neighbor has been wonderfully generous in giving me rides to the store, pharmacy, etc. But I've always been an independent, DIY, self-sufficient sort of person and I can't express how difficult this has been, to have an expense we can't possibly afford and no other resources to replace the vehicle. Thankfully, there's often help available for utilities, food, clothing, even furnishings as well as financial assistance in accessing public transportation.
It's much more difficult when one lives in so rural an area, with no access to a bus or other modes of transportation. At least we have the option of scheduling rides for medical transportation, but there are so many other issues that come up that require a vehicle... like the dump! Our garbage has started to build up and I need to take it to the dump but I no longer have a way to do it. I'm scared and feel trapped, with no way to help my mom out of this pickle. The most ideal situation, in my mind, would be to live near an elderly couple who needs a LOT of work done both inside and outside of their home - and they just happen to have two cars, the second one they rarely use and no longer need. In exchange for that car, I'd devote a great deal of hard work and cheerful company and it'd be mutually beneficial. I've searched in different communities online, including Craigslist, but I haven't found any situations remotely like this. I also understand that many people are struggling right now and I live in a tiny community with very little opportunity or prosperity.
I apologize for the length of this post, it's difficult to condense my struggle down to a few tidy paragraphs. I just remember during the pandemic there was a YouTube channel I enjoyed watching and one day he put out a video sharing that one of his long-time viewers was having a hard time paying for her father's funeral expenses. Not only was she dealing with grief and loss, but she couldn't afford the cost of the casket and service, etc. I felt a great deal of compassion for her, so I donated some money through the link he provided. I had an income, at the time, and I wanted to help. I believe in the concept of paying it forward, and although it hurts me down to my core to ever ask anyone for any sort of financial assistance, I honestly don't know what to do. I've never had a 'gofundme' project/account and I have no idea how to create or promote one. That's part of the problem, in researching this, I learned that people generally raise money from their own community and family, through uploading videos of themselves. We don't know anyone in our community and we don't have any family to ask for help. Also, I'd rather swallow a bucket of nails than upload of video of my unremarkable, yet desperate self.
I suppose that's why this is such a tricky, prickly pear of a hardship. How can I ask strangers to help when I have nothing to give in return? If I had the guts for it, at the very least, I could upload a ridiculous video performing an interpretive dance of gratitude. If people had a ditch to dig, some dishes to wash, a car to detail, a goat to wrangle, I would give back. Heck, if you hit me up in a year, I'd be able to pay the favor forward to whoever is in need then. I'm not sure if any of this will even make sense, or if it'll be seen by no eyes and get lost in the void.
What I'm asking is if anyone knows of a proper crowdfunding site where I might have a chance to find assistance. Writing this has produced a roller coaster of emotions and I feel wrung out. It's so hard to ask for help, nobody owes me anything, and that is one thing I'm certain of.
If anyone has made it this far, I hope you're well and I wish you one hell of a marvelous day!
Oh, and I sincerely thank you for reading my words.
Wilhemina Mare
​

chapters 1&2
chapter 3
chapter 4
chapter 5
chapter 6
chapter 7
chapter 8
chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Link to AO3
For the first time in a long while Q’s bedroom didn’t feel empty. Next to him, lay the pinnacle of human beauty.
His little prince, exhausted after a single session of vigorous love-making, peacefully slept, curled in a cocoon of blankets and his newfound lover’s smell. Despite his promises to “ride Q all night long”, he went out like a light once he climaxed, quickly drifting off while still reveling in the afterglow.
But that wasn’t why Q was feeling worried. In fact, he was grateful for his student’s lack of endurance tonight because when their foreplay finally got to the serious stage, the older man came to an unpleasant realisation: he wasn’t going to get what he wanted out of this encounter. Yes, however tempting Iliya looked sprawled on the bedsheets, however shameless his moans and pleas were, however selflessly Q served him with his mouth, hands and hips, the only thing that got excited was his’s aesthetic taste.
Good thing Iliya didn’t notice his partner’s body lose interest before he fell asleep.
For the first time in a long while Q craved a stimulant. Caffeine, sugar, nicotine. Anything to dispel the dark cloud of the nasty disillusionment: the man he was in love with wasn’t going to keep him happy in the bedroom.
Could they work up to that? Perhaps. But despite Q’s best efforts to hint at wanting to be pushed around, submitted and taken over, Iliya only saw them as cute meaningless teasings, and insisted on being the one who was being serviced.
Could he deal with that? Wasn’t Iliya worth it?
Q sighed and climbed out of bed to look at the night city.
He should be grateful. It wasn’t a big deal, was it? As long as Iliya was happy, he could cope. He could always satisfy his own fantasies alone or with a simulation.
Which was the same thing really.
The ever-clear skies were getting greyish, which meant the night was coming to an end.
Ashtapadans lived almost throughout the whole day-night cycle, taking advantage of the safety of the night city and the mild climate that made being outside comfortable the whole year-round. The people below seemed impossibly small from the high floor but somehow as far away from Q as the perfect person in his bed just a couple steps away.
His bedroom wasn’t empty. But it felt dead.
Well, time for some work.
The only stimulant that was available.
Better do another round of checking the system status, or go through the surveillance cameras again. That would help him take his mind off of the swarm of the dark thoughts in his head.
The Turk was already sitting on the edge of the table, as if it had heard Q’s steps towards the room. Without any need to use the auglasses to see the little assistant, the man stretched his lips in a greeting, but the hologram’s facial recognition algorithms were too good.
“Not what you expected?” it asked, head tilted questioningly to the side.
“Please, T, I’m not in the mood,” Q said, plopping himself into the chair in defeat.
Had the Turk been listening? Hadn’t he closed the bedroom door?
“Alright, as you say. What can I help you with?” the simulation readily offered.
The man considered what could be the best course of action.
“Just run a check-up and notify me if anything is out of the ordinary,” he ordered. “Meanwhile, show me the main nodes and facilities’ cameras.”
“On it,” — the Turk froze for a moment, loading the 3D map on the desk that came to life, painting Q’s tired face with a blue hue, his sharp cheekbones and eyebags suddenly casting deep shadows.
Finally with something familiar to do, Q got to the methodical analysis of each of the critical points in the system, checking the logs and cameras in order. He knew that this process was supposed to be automatic as the AI ran diagnostics 24/7 without his help, but didn’t it mess up just yesterday? He could stumble upon another conspirators ring or a critical issue that the automatic process might have missed. A little double check never hurt.
After a while of watching its young master, the Turk spoke again, “There’s a couple of issues at the corn processing factory, and an incident with a cargo hound. The first problem is being dealt with and the hound is getting back to the main transport node and then to the repair facility to get fixed.”
So, nothing too serious, huh. Ashtapada ran like a clock. There had to be something he could be useful for though!
“What’s wrong with the hound?”
“It somehow got its front camera broken. Body sensors say there’s been an impact.”
“And the cargo?”
“Undamaged. The hound is going to be repaired and its logs loaded into the system for investigation and diagnostics. I’ll send you the report as soon as it gets generated.”
“Alright. What about the factory?”
“A couple of saccharification containers had a leak because of a pressure jump, the repair hounds already took care of that.”
Well, the system could at least to pretend to wait for Q’s order to send the hounds!
Realising where his thoughts were going, he immediately felt pathetic.
He wasn’t any kind of god, he didn’t even control the system in the slightest. The fact that he was allowed a glimpse into the inner workings of Ashtapada was a privilege, easily taken away if he wasn’t careful. But he needed to do something useful even if it was mere supervision.
“Turk,” he sighed. “Show me the saccharification containers.”
“Who are you talking to?” — came a sleepy voice from the door frame that Q couldn’t help but tune into immediately, like a mother hearing her baby’s crying.
Iliya was standing at the door, his ethereal silhouette pale against the dark rectangle. A loose sheet hugged his hips in a mock attempt at modesty that put a warm smile on Q’s lips.
“Just doing a bit of work, Cuddles, I’m talking to the system.”
“But where’re your glasses?” Iliya asked, coming closer, watching the desk curiously. For his bare eyes, it was lit up but didn’t display any sort of information, a normal person would need a pair of auglasses for that.
“I’m just using the voice recognition mode,” the man lied. “Bright light hurts my eyes.”
Iliya hummed in acknowledgment and came in, dragging the sheet behind like a very lewd wedding gown. Q’s unsatisfied hunger immediately stirred his insides, prompting him to tap his lap in invitation and get a couple of spare auglasses from the drawer at the same time.
“Come here, Cuddles, I’ll show you something amazing,” he lured, watching his lover gracefully approach.
He was so damn lucky to have this man in his life.
“More amazing that you’ve already shown me?” Iliya teased. He straddled Q’s lap, a warm back to a firm chest, and put the glasses on, instantly going “Whoahhh!” at what he saw.
“If the AI is the brain of Ashtapada,” Q murmured into his ear, hoping to sound seductive and not all lecture-y. “This is its heart.”
His arms instantly laced themselves around the narrow waist that clung to the warmth of Q’s body as Iliya’s buttocks teasingly shifted on his quickly heating seat.
“Amazing!” the boy breathed out, not failing to notice a warm palm snaking its way up his belly in a lazy motion. “Are those hounds? They look like ants from this angle.”
This awe-struck delight in the lecture hall and in the bedroom alike never failed to put a smile on Q’s face.
What they saw generated as a live 3D visualisation was indeed amazing. An enormous underground space, millions of tons of concrete shaped a little like a heart chamber with huge arteries of four main semi-circular tunnels coming out. The space was filled with hounds of various sizes hurrying to deliver the cargo, all sorts of pipes, wires and conveyor belts. The whole place seemed buzzing with activity even though the hologram didn’t generate any sound.
“Look,” Q pointed at one of the “arteries” with his free hand as the other caressed Iliya’s chest with the tips of the fingers. “This is the cargo sorting center. A hound that needs to transport something drops it off at this belt and it goes to the other part of the city to be picked up by another one.”
Iliya interlaced their fingers on his chest and showed his appreciation with a little wiggle of his hips in Q’s lap again.
God, he was temptation in the flesh.
“And this?” the boy asked innocently.
“Where the hounds go? This is the repair and modification facility. Here they automatically get diagnostics, maintenance and updates.”
“So cool!” — another brain-melting wiggle. — “And this?”
“This... ahh... This leads to the bio-ethanol factory,” — it was harder and harder to focus on the educational task and keep hands above the desk. — “See these pipes? They carry the fuel to the rest of the critical parts of the city.”
“And this last tunne... aahh! Q!”
“What? I’m just hoping for a little guided tour myself,” the man breathed into Iliya’s ear.
“Under my sheet?” he scolded coquettishly and last remnants of Q’s self-restraint ran dry in an instant.
“Let’s see if I can find my way without a map,” — he growled as his hands lost all shame and together with the mouth got to work on the treasure in his lap.
Hopefully, the Turk had enough decorum to disengage a while ago.
Like this, encompassed from all sides, the little prince was helpless to escape his teacher’s caresses. Encouraged by the writhing of the young body and the soft gasps, Q let his fingers tentatively slip under the bed sheet around the boy’s hips to find the hot hardness that already was leaking wet into the fabric. It was easy to lay back on the chair’s reclining support, making Iliya lose his balance and fall on the broad chest with a little endearing yelp. Like this, both of Q’s hands could explore what was to be had as he firmly grasped the already damp length as the other hand’s finger curled into the inviting heat of the place he had pleasured earlier that night.
“There, put your feet on my desk,” he whispered into Iliya’s neck between gentle bites, his own arousal catching up with his actions in a smothering wave that left him panting. “You’re so good and open for me like this, Cuddles.”
“Mmmhh…” the boy in his arms whined, doing as he was told, presenting a shameless picture of long graceful legs lecherously spread over the edge of the desk, with the other’s hands disappearing under the sheet around his hips. “What… ah… are you doing?”
Q let his finger slip into the tight heat just a little even though his lover was still wet from earlier, giving a couple of pumps with the other hand to admire the motions of his hands that looked deliciously lewd hidden like this under the fabric.
“It’s you who I must ask this question, my dear,” he went on, pushing the finger in and out slowly, circling the tip with his thumb to elicit another whine and a keen buckle of the other’s hips. “Do you know what you do to me, squirming like that in my lap? Do you know what your innocent sounds make me feel? Have you got the slightest idea how thoroughly your beauty ruined me?”
With those last words Iliya’s tortured motions halted. His mouth, too, stopped the soft panting and before Q knew it, the boy recovered his balance with the grace of a dancer he was, slipping away from his hands.
“What? Iliya? Did I hurt you?” he said hurriedly, his hands still itching to grab and squeeze and caress.
Iliya indeed looked hurt and indignant, and not in his usual flirty way. He stood a couple of steps away, and wrapped his bed sheet around his chest, as if protecting his assaulted innocence.
“Look, Q,” he said with a somber look in his eyes. He had never spoken like this before. — “I told you twice today to stop calling me beautiful. Why do you keep on doing it?”
“I… Did you? I... sorry, I thought you were just being coy,” Q scrambled for words, still sprawled on the chair, unsure what to do with his hands. “I’ll stop if you want.”
Oh, no. Had he ruined everything? So soon?
Iliya didn’t look impressed in the least.
“Listen, I told you I want you to stop but you ignored me,” he went on, clearly annoyed, pointing at the wall of the room where they started the evening. “I tried to be delicate, but looks like it takes me raising my voice for you to get it. It’s like you don’t see anything past my looks, just like everyone else!”
His student was indeed beautiful, even like this, looking daggers at him, but Q had the presence of mind to bite his tongue before letting it out. He just raised his palms in an attempt to reconcile.
“You’re right, Iliya,” — was it too much to call him Cuddles at a moment like this? — “I thought it was a simple compliment, but I should’ve listened to you the first time. I promise it won’t happen again. Come back to me?”
Iliya seemed hesitant for a moment looking at Q’s outstretched hands, the wetness of his body still lingering on his teacher’s fingers. The room wasn’t dark any more: the sun had spilled onto the walls and the furniture inside in an angry splatter of red.
“No. Sorry, but not now. You asked me not to call you Teach and I dropped it instantly. Because I respect your boundaries. Can’t you do the same for me?”
This was it. He did ruin everything.
Q’s shoulders drooped as he let his arms fall together with his gaze in defeat.
“You’re right, Iliya. It looks like I didn’t respect them. I apologise and hope you can forgive me.”
It was hard not looking at Iliya’s face, but it was terrifying to lift his eyes and meet something he wouldn’t be able to handle. What was in the other’s face? Hurt? Disgust? Resentment?
What was he supposed to say? To do? Was it over without even properly starting?
“It’s ok, Q,” Iliya’s voice came. It sounded a little choked, like the boy was forcing himself to calm down. “It’s new for both of us. I accept your apologies, but...”
But...?
But...?!
But what?
“...but I need some space right now. I‘ll go. I’ll see myself out,” he finished sternly, as if forcing himself into the firm tone.
“Of course,” Q said weakly, daring a glance at his Cuddles, wondering at the newfound depths of the other.
He’ll learn how to be the best partner for Iliya. He’ll have to.
“Thanks,” — the boy left the room to get his things and in a matter of minutes was already at the front door, hesitant. “Thanks again, I’ll see you... around, bye!”
Q covered his eyes with both hands and it wasn’t to block the bright sunlight that now filled the whole airy space with a blinding brilliance.
See him... around?

To clear up a common misconception that this is something that only happens extremely rarely, here's a list of every time more than 4 words have fit one of the categories and what number puzzle it occurred in. The first 4 words are the answers and every word after that in parenthesis are words that fit that category but were part of another group. Also, category names might not be exactly the same as the ones used.

#4 Cleaning Verbs

Possible answers: DUST, MOP, SWEEP, VACUUM, (IRON)

#5 Condiments

Possible answers: KETCHUP, MAYO, RELISH, TARTAR, (MUSTARD)

#5 Clue Characters

Possible answers: GREEN, MUSTARD, PLUM, SCARLET, (PEACOCK)

#6 Shades of Blue

Possible answers: BABY, MIDNIGHT, POWDER, ROYAL, (SEA)

#6 Rappers

Possible answers: COMMON, FUTURE, ICE CUBE, Q-TIP, (CHANCE)

#9 Shirts

Possible answers: CAMI, HALTER, TANK, TEE, (POLO)

#9 Vegetables

Possible answers: BEET, CARROT, CORN, ONION, (SQUASH)

#9 Insects

Possible answers: ANT, BEETLE, MANTIS, TERMITE, (CRICKET)

#10 Countries

Possible answers: CHAD, GEORGIA, JORDAN, TOGO, (TURKEY)

#10 Birds

Possible answers: CRANE, JAY, TURKEY, SWALLOW, (KIWI)

#11 Spices

Possible answers: CARDAMOM, CLOVE, CORIANDER, CUMIN, (GINGER)

#11 Terms of Endearment

Possible answers: BOO, HONEY, SUGAR, SWEETIE, (BABY)

#12 Animal Group Names

Possible answers: FLOCK, PACK, POD, SCHOOL, (PRIDE)

#12 Deadly Sins

Possible answers: ENVY, GREED, LUST, PRIDE, (SLOTH)

#13 Airlines

Possible answers: FRONTIER, SPIRIT, UNITED, VIRGIN, (DELTA)

#13 Greek Letters

Possible answers: BETA, CHI, DELTA, IOTA, (NU)

#13 Silent G's

Possible answers: GNAT, GNAW, GNOCCHI, GNOME, (GNU)

#14 Famous Brothers

Possible answers: JONAS, MARX, WARNER, WRIGHT, (MARIO)

#14 Honda Vehicles

Possible answers: ACCORD, CIVIC, PASSPORT, PILOT, (CANOPY)

#15 Colors

Possible answers: BROWN, PINK, TURQUOISE, VIOLET, (SILVER)

#15 Fishing Equipment

Possible answers: LURE, REEL, ROD, TACKLE, (HOOK)

#16 Nuts

Possible answers: ALMOND, CASHEW, PECAN, WALNUT (PEANUT)

#17 Neck Accessories

Possible answers: ASCOT, BOLO, TIE, SCARF, (BOW)

#19 Disagreement

Possible answers: QUARREL, ROW, SPAT, TIFF, QUARREL, (BEEF)

#20 Grains

Possible answers: BARLEY, OAT, RYE, SPELT, (RICE)

#20 Royal Titles

Possible answers: BARON, EARL, KING, PRINCE, (DUKE)

#23 60's Band Member

Possible answers: BEACH BOY, BEATLE, BYRD, MONKEE, (ROLLING STONE)

#23 Dance Fads

Possible answers: DOUGIE, MACARENA, MASHED POTATO, TWIST, (VOGUE)

#25 Desserts

Possible answers: CHEESECAKE, FLAN, MOUSSE, TIRAMISU, (FUDGE)

#25 Animals with Tusks

Possible answers: ELEPHANT, HIPPO, NARWHAL, WARTHOG, (WALRUS)

#26 Countries (Holland is technically a region but it's often used as an informal name for the Netherlands)

Possible answers: DENMARK, GREECE, POLAND, PORTUGAL, (HOLLAND)

#26 Spelled with Roman Numerals

Possible answers: DILL, LIVID, MILD, MIX, (MIMIC)

#27 Body Parts

Possible answers: HEART, LIVER, LUNG, KIDNEY, (SPINE)

#28 File Extensions

Possible answers: GIF, PDF, TIFF, ZIP, (DOC)

#28 Fruits

Possible answers: BANANA, COCONUT, MANGO, PINEAPPLE, (KIWI)

#30 Joints

Possible answers: HIP, KNEE, SHOULDER, WRIST, (ELBOW)

#33 Boats

Possible answers: FERRY, JUNK, TUG, YACHT, (SUB)

#33 Cuts of Beef

Possible answers: FLANK, LOIN, ROUND, SHANK, (CHUCK)

#34 Smell

Possible answers: AROMA, BOUQUET, FRAGRANCE, SCENT, (FUNK)

#34 Music Genres

Possible answers: BLUES, COUNTRY, FUNK, SOUL, (ROCK)

#35 Metals

Possible answers: IRON, LEAD, TIN, ZINC, (NICKEL)

#36 Animals

Possible answers: KANGAROO, KOALA, WALLABY, WOMBAT, (MOLE RAT)

#38 Trees

Possible answers: ASH, CEDAR, MAPLE, PINE, (ELM)

#38 Land Formation

Possible answers: HILL, MOUNTAIN, PLATEAU, VALLEY, (PLAIN)

#38 Bagel Flavors

Possible answers: EVERYTHING, ONION, PLAIN, POPPY, (SESAME)

#41 Islands

Possible answers: CUBA, JAPAN, MALTA, PALAU, (FIJI), (JAVA)

#42 Punctuation Marks

Possible answers: COLON, COMMA, HYPHEN, PERIOD, (DASH)

#43 Birds

Possible answers: BOOBY, GULL, PELICAN, PUFFIN, (CANARY)

#45 Modes of Transportation

Possible answers: BOAT, CAR, PLANE, TRAIN, (SUBWAY)

#46 Cities

Possible answers: CHICAGO, MUNICH, PHILADELPHIA, RIO, (MANHATTAN)

#46 Fashion Magazines

Possible answers: ALLURE, ELLE, GLAMOUR, W, (COSMOPOLITAN)

#46 Storms

Possible answers: BLIZZARD, CYCLONE, SQUALL, TORNADO, (HURRICANE)

#48 Apparitions

Possible answers: GHOST, PHANTOM, SPECTER, SPIRIT, (GENIE)

#49 Relatives

Possible answers: AUNT, COUSIN, MOTHER, NEPHEW, (GRANDFATHER)

#49 Offbeat

Possible answers: DAFFY, KOOKY, QUIRKY, WACKY, (CUCKOO)

#49 Fictional Ducks

Possible answers: DAISY, DEWEY, DONALD, SCROOGE, (DAFFY)

#50 Imperial Measurements

Possible answers: FOOT, INCH, MILE, YARD, (QUART)

#52 Rodents

Possible answers: GERBIL, HAMSTER, RAT, VOLE, (MOUSE)

#52 Musical Instruments

Possible answers: HARP, HORN, ORGAN, TRIANGLE, (KEYBOARD)

#52 Complain

Possible answers: CARP, GRIPE, GROUSE, MOAN, (HARP)

#53 Animal Group Names

Possible answers: COLONY, HERD, PRIDE, SWARM, (FAMILY)

#53 AP Classes

Possible answers: BIO, CHEM, GOV, STATS, (LIT)

#54 Places for Worship

Possible answers: ALTAR, RELIQUARY, SHRINE, TEMPLE, (ABBEY)

#54 Presidents

Possible answers: CALVIN, CHESTER, GROVER, HARRY, (GARFIELD)

#56 Dances

Possible answers: HUSTLE, SALSA, SWING, TANGO, (TAP)

#57 Patterns

Possible answers: HOUNDSTOOTH, PAISLEY, PLAID, STRIPES, (DOT)

#58 Arachnids

Possible answers: MITE, SCORPION, SPIDER, TICK, (BLACK WIDOW)

#58 Fish

Possible answers: CHAR, EEL, PERCH, SHARK, (CATFISH)

#58 Superheroes

Possible answers: BLACK WIDOW, BLADE, FLASH, STORM, (TICK)

#59 Quantity

Possible answers: FEW, HANDFUL, SEVERAL, SOME, (PAIR)

#59 Celestial Objects

Possible answers: ASTEROID, COMET, MOON, PLANET, (SUN)

#60 Sports Venues

Possible answers: COURT, DIAMOND, FIELD, RINK, (RING)

#60 Jewelry

Possible answers: ANKLET, BANGLE, BROOCH, PENDANT, (RING), (CHARM)

#62 State Abbreviations

Possible answers: CO, MA, ME, PA, (LA)

#62 Period Table Symbols

Possible answers: FE, HE, NA, NI, (CO), (PA), (LA), (TI)

#63 Slang for Zero

Possible answers: JACK, NADA, NOTHING, SQUAT, (ZIP)

#63 Exercises

Possible answers: CURL, LUNGE, PLANK, PRESS, (SQUAT), (CRUNCH)

#63 Captains

Possible answers: CRUNCH, KANGAROO, OBVIOUS, PLANET, (JACK)

#64 Dog Names

Possible answers: FIDO, LUCKY, ROVER, SPOT, (REX)

#64 Perceive

Possible answers: CATCH, NOTICE, OBSERVE, SEE, (SPOT)

#64 Fishing Terms

Possible answers: BAIT, CHUM, FLY, SINKER, (CATCH)

#65 Energy

Possible answers: JUICE, SPIRIT, STEAM, VIGOR, (GAS), (FIRE)

#66 Time Periods

Possible answers: CENTURY, DECADE, MILLENNIUM, YEAR, (MONTH)

#66 Breakfast Foods

Possible answers: CEREAL, OMELET, PANCAKE, WAFFLE, (BACON), (EGG)

#67 Desserts

Possible answers: CAKE, COBBLER, PIE, TART, (FUDGE)

#67 Occupations

Possible answers: FISHER, MASON, MILLER, SMITH, (DOCTOR)

#68 Extremely

Possible answers: AWFUL, QUITE, SUPER, VERY, (REAL)

#68 Currencies

Possible answers: RAND, REAL, STERLING, WON, (POUND)

#68 _____Cake

Possible answers: CARROT, COFFEE, POUND, SPONGE, (CUP)

#69 Shoes

Possible answers: CLOG, PUMP, SLIDE, WEDGE, (MARY JANE)

#69 Slang for Marijuana

Possible answers: GRASS, HERB, MARY JANE, WEED, (BUD), (POT)

#70 Camping Supplies

Possible answers: COOLER, LANTERN, SLEEPING BAG, TENT, (CAMPER)

#70 Insult

Possible answers: BARB, DIG, DISS, JAB, (SLIGHT)

#71 States

Possible answers: ARIZONA, COLORADO, NEVADA, UTAH, (KANSAS), (MONTANA)

#72 Santa's Reindeer

Possible answers: COMET, CUPID, DASHER, VIXEN, (DANCER)

#72 Seen on Valentine's Day

Possible answers: CARD, HEART, CHOCOLATE, ROSE, (CUPID)

#73 Facial Hair

Possible answers: BEARD, GOATEE, MUSTACHE, STUBBLE, (HANDLEBAR)

#73 Pursue

Possible answers: DOG, FOLLOW, TAIL, TRACK, (SHADOW)

#74 Failures

Possible answers: BUSTS, FLOPS, MISSES, TURKEYS, (DUDS)

#75 Social Gathering

Possible answers: BASH, BLOWOUT, PARTY, SHINDIG, (MIXER)

#75 Found in a Kitchen

Possible answers: COUNTER, MIXER, RANGE, SINK, (ISLAND)

#79 Depart Quickly

Possible answers: BOOK, BOUNCE, RUN, SPLIT, (JET)

#79 Shades of Black

Possible answers: EBONY, JET, ONYX, RAVEN, (BLACK)

#80 Influence

Possible answers: CLOUT, PULL, WEIGHT, SWAY, (IMPACT)

#81 Appetizer Unit

Possible answers: FRY, NACHO, POPPER, WING, (CHIP), (CRACKER)

#81 Response to a Correct Answer

Possible answers: BINGO, CORRECT, RIGHT, YES, (DING)

#82 Drink Vessels

Possible answers: GOBLET, SNIFTER, TUMBLER, STEIN, (FLUTE)

#82 Woodwinds

Possible answers: CLARINET, FLUTE, OBOE, SAXOPHONE, (BASSOON)

#82 American Poets

Possible answers: BISHOP, FROST, OLDS, POUND, (STEIN)

#83 Unclothed

Possible answers: BARE, NAKED, NUDE, UNCLAD, (BUFF)

#83 Football Actions

Possible answers: FUMBLE, PUNT, SACK, SNAP, (TURNOVER)

#83 Finger Actions

Possible answers: BUFF, CLIP, FILE, POLISH, (SNAP)

#84 Female Animals

Possible answers: COW, DOE, HEN, MARE, (EWE)

#84 Pronouns

Possible answers: I, IT, THEY, WE, (YOU)

#84 Roman Numerals

Possible answers: D, L, M, V, (I)

#86 Information Displays

Possible answers: CHART, DIAGRAM, GRAPH, MAP, (PIE)

#86 Additional Benefit

Possible answers: BONUS, EXTRA, ICING, PERK, (GRAVY)

#86 Creatures in Folklore

Possible answers: GNOME, GOBLIN, OGRE, TROLL, (DRAGON)

#89 Alcohol

Possible answers: CIDER, PORT, SAKE, STOUT, (SPIRIT), (SCOTCH)

#89 Pixar Movies

Possible answers: BRAVE, CARS, COCO, UP, (SOUL)

#90 Baseball Calls

Possible answers: BALL, OUT, SAFE, STRIKE, (WALK)

#90 Fish

Possible answers: CARP, CATFISH, FLOUNDER, SMELT, (SALMON)

#91 Jungle Animals

Possible answers: ANACONDA, CAPYBARA, JAGUAR, TOUCAN, (LION)

#91 Lowest Point

Possible answers: BASE, BOTTOM, FOOT, FOUNDATION, (LEGS)

#92 Halloween Decorations

Possible answers: BAT, COBWEB, PUMPKIN, TOMBSTONE, (BONES)

#93 Animal Sounds

Possible answers: BUZZ, CLUCK, MEOW, OINK, (BARK)

#93 Inside Info

Possible answers: DIRT, DISH, SCOOP, SKINNY, (TEA)

#95 Songs that are Names

Possible answers: ALEJANDRO, LOLA, MICHELLE, STAN, (IRIS)

#96 Animals

Possible answers: BUFFALO, COW, GOAT, SHEEP, (HORSE)

#96 Gymnastics Apparatus

Possible answers: FLOOR, HORSE, RINGS, VAULT, (BEAM)

#97 Fairy Tale Figures

Possible answers: GIANT, PRINCESS, WITCH, WOLF, (QUEEN)

#97 "Peanuts" Characters

Possible answers: CHARLIE, PEPPERMINT PATTY, PIGPEN, WOODSTOCK, (LUCY)

#98 Fruits

Possible answers: APRICOT, FIG, GRAPE, LIME, (BERRY)

#98 Luxurious

Possible answers: DELUXE, GRAND, LAVISH, OPULENT, (SWANK)

#99 Intelligent

Possible answers: BRIGHT, CLEVER, QUICK, SHARP, (SMART)

#100 Web Browser-Related

Possible answers: BOOKMARK, HISTORY, TAB, WINDOW, (LINK), (POCKET)

#100 Dirty_____

Possible answers: DOZEN, JOKE, LAUNDRY, MARTINI, (WINDOW)

#101 Bowling Terms

Possible answers: ALLEY, BALL, LANE, PIN, (SPARE)

#101 Common Merch Items

Possible answers: MUG, PEN, TEE, TOTE, (PIN)

#102 Vehicles

Possible answers: BUS, CAR, MOTORCYCLE, TRUCK, (SCOOTER)

#102 Muppets

Possible answers: ANIMAL, BEAKER, GONZO, SCOOTER, (CHEF), (PIGGY)

#103 Soda Fountain Orders (Concrete can mean a type of milkshake or frozen custard)

Possible answers: FLOAT, MALT, SHAKE, SUNDAE, (CONCRETE), (SPLIT)

#104 Robust

Possible answers: FIT, HEALTHY, SOUND, STRONG, (WELL)

#104 Water Sources

Possible answers: FOUNTAIN, SPRING, TAP, WELL, (SINK)

#105 Kitchen Utensils

Possible answers: GRATER, LADLE, PEELER, WHISK, (CLEAVER)

#106 Wedding Items

Possible answers: BOUQUET, RING, TRAIN, VEIL, (CAKE)

#106 Encase

Possible answers: CAKE, COAT, COVER, CRUST, (VEIL)

#107 Snakes

Possible answers: BOA, MAMBA, PYTHON, VIPER, (GARTER)

#108 Produced by Trees

Possible answers: ACORN, CONE, POLLEN, SAP, (GUM), (NEEDLE)

#108 Candy

Possible answers: CHOCOLATE, GUM, LICORICE, LOLLIPOP, (SUCKER)

#108 Target of a Scheme

Possible answers: CHUMP, FOOL, MARK, SUCKER, (SAP)

#109 Rap Subgenres

Possible answers: BOUNCE, CRUNK, DRILL, GRIME, (TRAP)

#110 Golf Clubs

Possible answers: IRON, PUTTER, WEDGE, WOOD, (CLUB)

#112 Coffee Counter Items

Possible answers: CUP, LID, STIRRER, STRAW, (STICK)

#114 Talk

Possible answers: BLATHER, CHAT, GAB, JABBER, (YAK)

#115 Christmas-Related

Possible answers: MISTLETOE, REINDEER, SNOWMAN, STOCKING, (PRESENT), (CANDY CANE)

#116 MLB Teams

Possible answers: ANGEL, CUB, MET, RED, (NAT)

#119 Celebratory Occasion

Possible answers: ANNIVERSARY, BIRTHDAY, SHOWER, WEDDING, (RECEPTION), (SERVICE)

#120 Crops

Possible answers: CORN, CUCUMBER, PEPPER, TOMATO, (MELON)

#121 Bible Books

Possible answers: ACTS, JOB, KINGS, MARK, (GENESIS)

#121 NHL Teams

Possible answers: FLAMES, KRAKEN, STARS, WILD, (KINGS), (RANGER)

#123 Conceal

Possible answers: BLOCK, COVER, HIDE, MASK, (SHIELD)

#124 "L" Cities

Possible answers: LAGOS, LIMERICK, LINCOLN, LUXOR, (LIMA)

#124 Poetry Terms

Possible answers: LINE, METER, RHYME, VERSE, (LIMERICK)

#125 Butt

Possible answers: BOTTOM, BUNS, SEAT, TAIL, (BOOTY)

#126 Tools

Possible answers: HAMMER, FILE, LEVEL, SAW, (WRENCH)

#126 Keyboard Shortcuts

Possible answers: COPY, FIND, PRINT, SAVE, (FILE)

#127 Days of the Week

Possible answers: FRIDAY, SATURDAY, SUNDAY, THURSDAY, (WEDNESDAY), (TUESDAY)

#127 Go Bad

Possible answers: ROT, SOUR, SPOIL, TURN, (FESTER)

#129 Bit of Air

Possible answers: BREEZE, DRAFT, GUST, PUFF, (PANT)

#130 Falsify

Possible answers: FABRICATE, FAKE, FIX, FORGE, (FUDGE)

#130 TV Shows

Possible answers: FARGO, FIREFLY, FLEABAG, FLIPPER, (FRIENDS)

#131 Animal Homes

Possible answers: DEN, LAIR, HIVE, NEST, (WEB), (WARREN)

#131 Equitable

Possible answers: EQUAL, EVEN, FAIR, JUST, (GOOD)

#132 Tableware

Possible answers: BOWL, DISH, PLATE, SAUCER, (CROCK), (CUP)

#133 British Food

Possible answers: MASH, ROAST, SCONE, TRIFLE, (BANGER)

#133 Predicament

Possible answers: BIND, PICKLE, SCRAPE, SPOT, (JAM)

#134 Impel

Possible answers: DRIVE, INSPIRE, MOTIVATE, SPUR, (SPARK)

#135 Compound Words

Possible answers: BACKPACK, BIGWIG, DOWNTOWN, RAGTAG, (TEXTBOOK)

#136 Grammar Tenses

Possible answers: FUTURE, PAST, PERFECT, PRESENT, (SIMPLE)

#136 The 12 Days of Christmas

Possible answers: DRUMMER, LADY, RING, SWAN, (LORD)

#137 Excellent

Possible answers: ACES, KEEN, NEATO, NIFTY, (SWELL)

#137 Bubbles

Possible answers: FOAM, FROTH, HEAD, LATHER, (BUBBLE)

#138 Metals

Possible answers: COPPER, GOLD, NICKEL, SILVER, (BRASS), (MERCURY)

#139 Aesthetics

Possible answers: DRESS, LOOK, MANNER, STYLE, (TASTE)

#140 Mishmash

Possible answers: HASH, JUMBLE, MEDLEY, STEW, (LITTER)

#143 Filler Words

Possible answers: ERM, UH, UM, WELL, (LIKE), (ER)

#146 Clue Weapons

Possible answers: CANDLESTICK, KNIFE, ROPE, WRENCH, (PIPE)

#147 Unchanging

Possible answers: EVEN, LEVEL, STABLE, STEADY, (UNIFORM)

#147 Long, Sharp Objects

Possible answers: LANCE, PIN, SKEWER, SPIT, (PITCHFORK)

#148 Musical Format

Possible answers: LP, PLATTER, VINYL, WAX, (CD)

#148 Cube-Shaped

Possible answers: BOUILLON, DIE, ICE, SUGAR, (STOCK)

#150 Equivocate

Possible answers: HEDGE, SEE-SAW, WAVER, YO-YO, (FLIP-FLOP), (WAFFLE)

#151 Podcasts

Possible answers: RADIOLAB, SERIAL, UP FIRST, WTF, (FRESH AIR), (REPLY ALL)

#152 Intelligent

Possible answers: BRIGHT, QUICK, SHARP, SMART, (SAGE)

#152 Medieval Weapons

Possible answers: CLUB, MACE, SPEAR, SWORD, (AXE)

#153 Filmmaking Equipment

Possible answers: BOOM, DOLLY, LENS, TRIPOD, (GRIP)

#154 Sports Professionals

Possible answers: COACH, GM, PLAYER, SCOUT, (SUB)

#154 Car Companies

Possible answers: BMW, HONDA, JAGUAR, SUBARU, (FORD), (GM)

#156 Vocal Fanfare

Possible answers: BEHOLD, PRESTO, TADA, VOILA, (SURPRISE)

#157 Magazines

Possible answers: O, OK, US, W, (EW), (SI)

#157 Yes

Possible answers: HAI, JA, SI, DA, (OK), (OUI)

#158 Animals

Possible answers: BUFFALO, DEER, FISH, MOOSE, (BULL), (STEER), (SEAL)

#160 Quick Observation

Possible answers: GANDER, GLANCE, GLIMPSE, LOOK, (PEEK)

#160 Parts of a Mountain

Possible answers: CLIFF, CRAG, LEDGE, RIDGE, (BLUFF), (PEAK)

#161 _____Day

Possible answers: EARTH, GROUNDHOG, LABOR, MAY, (BIRTH)

#162 Primates

Possible answers: BABOON, BONOBO, GIBBON, GORILLA, (APE)

#162 Fashionable

Possible answers: CHIC, HIP, HOT, IN, (VOGUE)

#164 Area Between Mountains

Possible answers: CANYON, GULCH, PASS, RAVINE, (GORGE)

#165 Food

Possible answers: PASTY, PIE, TART, TURNOVER, (PARFAIT), (RAGOUT), (CURRY)

#165 Countries

Possible answers: JAPAN, POLAND, TUNISIA, TURKEY, (JORDAN)

#166 Reality Shows

Possible answers: ALONE, CATFISH, CHOPPED, SURVIVOR, (BACHELOR)

#168 Municipalities

Possible answers: CITY, TOWN, COUNTY, VILLAGE, (CAPITAL)

#171 Parts of the Foot

Possible answers: ARCH, BALL, SOLE, TOE, (HEEL)

#171 Dog Commands

Possible answers: COME, DOWN, SIT, STAY, (HEEL)

#173 Ways to Remove Hair

Possible answers: SHAVE, THREAD, TWEEZE, WAX, (CUT)

#174 Hold Back

Possible answers: CAP, CHECK, CURB, LIMIT, (HAMPER)

#175 Excite, with "Up"

Possible answers: AMP, FIRE, HYPE, PUMP, (GAS)

#177 TV Shows

Possible answers: CHEERS, EUPHORIA, FELICITY, GLEE, (FRASIER)

#178 Found on Sheet Music

Possible answers: CLEF, NOTE, REST, STAFF, (SCALES)

#178 Zodiac Symbols

Possible answers: BULL, CRAB, SCALES, TWINS, (VIRGIN)

#180 Absolute

Possible answers: PURE, SHEER, TOTAL, UTTER, (STARK)

#180 Express

Possible answers: AIR, SPEAK, STATE, VOICE, (UTTER)

#181 Cooking Oils

Possible answers: CORN, OLIVE, PALM, PEANUT, (RICE)

#183 Luxurious Fabrics

Possible answers: CHIFFON, SILK, SATIN, VELVET, (LACE)

#185 -ough

Possible answers: BOUGH, COUGH, DOUGH, TOUGH, (ROUGH), (ENOUGH)

#189 Used to Build a Snowman

Possible answers: CARROT, COAL, SNOW, STICKS, (STONES)

#190 NYC Avenues

Possible answers: BROADWAY, FIFTH, MADISON, PARK, (SECOND), (FIRST), (ELEVENTH)

#191 Accessories

Possible answers: BELT, BRACELET, TIE, WATCH, (CHARM)

#199 Name Prefixes

Possible answers: GEN, MS, PROF, REV, (DR)

#200 Parts of a Car

Possible answers: BUMPER, HOOD, TIRE, TRUNK, (DASH)

#201 Single Letter Homophones

Possible answers: BEE, EX, GEE, JAY, (TEE)

#203 New Years-Related

Possible answers: BALL, COUNTDOWN, FIREWORKS, KISS, (PARTY), (RESOLUTION), (CHAMPAGNE)

#207 Gift-Giving Accessories

Possible answers: BOW, BOX, CARD, WRAPPING, (MESSAGE)

#210 Kinds of Exams

Possible answers: BAR, FINAL, ORAL, PHYSICAL, (EYE)

#211 Long, Skinny Objects

Possible answers: POLE, ROD, STAFF, STICK, (CLUB)

#212 Cooking Elements

Possible answers: ACID, FAT, HEAT, SALT, (PEPPER), (SMOKE)

#213 Seen at a Casino

Possible answers: CARDS, CHIPS, DICE, SLOTS, (POKER)

#213 Ways to Prepare Cheese

Possible answers: CRUMBLE, MELT, SHRED, SLICE, (GRATE)

#217 Thieve

Possible answers: PINCH, ROB, STEAL, SWIPE, (JACK)

#218 Medicine Formats

Possible answers: CAPSULE, CREAM, SYRUP, TABLET, (POD)

#221 Colors

Possible answers: BLUE, GREEN, WHITE, YELLOW, (SCARLET)

#222 Minced Oaths

Possible answers: CURSES, DARN, RATS, SHOOT, (FUDGE), (NUTS)

#224 Contains Wax

Possible answers: CANDLE, CRAYON, HONEYCOMB, SEAL, (EAR)

#229 Baseball-Related

Possible answers: BALL, BASE, BAT, GLOVE, (STRIKE)

#233 Mario Power-ups

Possible answers: FEATHER, STAR, MUSHROOM, FLOWER, (HAMMER)

#234 _____Pit

Possible answers: BARBECUE, ORCHESTRA, SNAKE, TAR, (FIRE)

#235 Make Shorter

Possible answers: CLIP, CUT, PARE, TRIM, (PRUNE)

#235 Muscular

Possible answers: BUILT, JACKED, RIPPED, SWOLE, (TRIM), (BUFF)

#237 Farm Fixtures

Possible answers: COOP, PEN, STABLE, STY, (RANGE)

#238 Unexciting

Possible answers: BORING, DULL, MUNDANE, VANILLA, (ROUTINE), (DRY)

#239 Ecclesiastical Titles

Possible answers: BISHOP, CARDINAL, PASTOR, PRIOR, (BROTHER), (LORD)

#251 Media Attention

Possible answers: COVERAGE, EXPOSURE, PRESS, PUBLICITY, (MEDIA)

#254 Little Bit of Liquid

Possible answers: BEAD, GLOB, DROP, TEAR, (DRIP)

#257 Shades of Green

Possible answers: OLIVE, FOREST, LIME, MINT, (CACTUS)

#260 Ilk

Possible answers: KIND, SORT, TYPE, VARIETY, (MANNER)

#263 Propel into the Air

Possible answers: HOP, JUMP, LEAP, SPRING, (VAULT)

#266 Large Amount

Possible answers: MASS, SEA, SLEW, TON, (WAVE)

#266 Fall under Pressure

Possible answers: BUCKLE, CAVE, COLLAPSE, GIVE, (FLOP)

#268 Pop Stars

Possible answers: GRANDE, MARS, STYLES, SWIFT, (LEGEND)

#269 Found at an Airport

Possible answers: HANGAR, RUNWAY, TARMAC, TERMINAL, (WINDSOCK)

#269 Ends in an Article of Clothing (A Mac is a raincoat)

Possible answers: FOXGLOVE, GUMSHOE, TURNCOAT, WINDSOCK, (TARMAC), (LAWSUIT)

#271 Food Preservation Techniques

Possible answers: CAN, CURE, DRY, FREEZE, (SPICE)

#272 Space_____

Possible answers: BAR, CADET, HEATER, STATION, (BLANKET)

#273 Keyboard Keys

Possible answers: COMMAND, CONTROL, OPTION, SHIFT, (SPACE)

#283 Seen at a Sports Stadium

Possible answers: ASTROTURF, JUMBOTRON, SCOREBOARD, SKYBOX, (KISSCAM), (JOURNEYMAN)

#284 Animals

Possible answers: COW, DOE, HEN, EWE, (YAK)

#284 Palindromes

Possible answers: BIB, EYE, GAG, POP, (EWE)

#285 Olympic Sports

Possible answers: BREAKING, HOCKEY, TRAMPOLINE, SKELETON, (CRICKET), (SQUASH), (VOLLEYBALL)

#289 Plant Growths

Possible answers: BLOOM, BUD, SHOOT, SPROUT, (CORONA)

#290 Quarrel

Possible answers: FIGHT, ROW, SCRAP, TIFF, (WAR)

#290 Games of Chance (Poker is technically a game of skill but it's still highly associated with chance)

Possible answers: BINGO, LOTTERY, ROULETTE, WAR, (POKER)

#291 Whale Species

Possible answers: BLUE, FIN, GRAY, RIGHT, (PILOT)

#293 Food Preservation Techniques

Possible answers: CANS, CURES, SALTS, SMOKES, (JAMS), (PICKLES)

#296 Thrust

Possible answers: JAB, POKE, PROD, STICK, (ELBOW)

#301 _____Horse

Possible answers: CHARLEY, CRAZY, DARK, GIFT, (PRIZE)

#302 Brief Moment

Possible answers: FLASH, HEARTBEAT, JIFF, WINK, (ZIP)

#302 Dispute

Possible answers: CLASH, TANGLE, SCRAP, TIFF, (SPAT)

#303 Hair Care Items

Possible answers: BRUSH, COMB, DRYER, IRON, (OIL)

#307 Seen at the Circus

Possible answers: CLOWN, RING, TENT, TRAPEZE, (LION)

#310 Parts of a Theatre

Possible answers: BALCONY, BOX, ORCHESTRA, STAGE, (FLOOR)

#312 Golden_____

Possible answers: FLEECE, GIRLS, PARACHUTE, RULE, (MEAN)

#315 Starting with the Same Sound

Possible answers: CYMBAL, SCIMITAR, SIMMER, SYMPHONY, (SYMBOL)

#318 Mexican Food-Related

Possible answers: CILANTRO, LIME, ONION, SALSA, (PICO), (WRAP), (MOLE)

#328 _____Sale

Possible answers: BAKE, CLEARANCE, GARAGE, SAMPLE, (YARD)

#329 Enjoy

Possible answers: FANCY, LOVE, RELISH, SAVOR, (LIKE)

#330 Quantity

Possible answers: FEW, MANY, SEVERAL, SOME, (COUPLE), (HANDFUL)

#333 Restrict

Possible answers: CHECK, CONTAIN, CURB, LIMIT, (CAP)

#339 Forthright

Possible answers: DIRECT, FRANK, OPEN, STRAIGHT, (PLAIN)

#342 Games

Possible answers: CATEGORIES, CHARADES, FISHBOWL, WEREWOLF, (MOUSETRAP)

#345 Billiards-Related

Possible answers: BALL, CHALK, CUE, RACK, (POCKET)

#348 Things You can Crack

Possible answers: EGG, KNUCKLES, SMILE, WINDOW, (CORN)

#351 _____Iron

Possible answers: PUMP, STEAM, TIRE, WAFFLE, (FLAT)

#355 Things People Shake

Possible answers: HANDS, MARACA, POLAROID, SNOWGLOBE, (BODY)

A few years ago, I was moving from Cleveland to Minneapolis. It had been the worst year of my life. The man I’d been dating for the past three years had been involved in a scam and squandered most of our joint savings along the way. Shortly after, I lost my job. I just couldn’t keep up with the pressure of finding a new place and surviving on breadcrumbs, and I just… broke down.
So I decided to start over in Minneapolis. I had a couple of friends who offered me a couch to crash on for a couple of weeks. I was looking to get a new job and start over fresh. I got on a greyhound with nothing but two suitcases and a handful of unread DMs.

It was a long trip. Most people stepped off in Chicago and Milwaukee, so for the final stretch of the trip there was only two people left; me, and a passenger sitting right across from me. A man in his early 60’s. He had a kind face and spent most of his time sending messages to his friends and family. I got the impression that this was some kind of event for him. He had a fanny pack with snacks, an extra battery for his phone, sunscreen on the tip of his ears, and a pair of ray bans resting on his trucker cap.
I talked to him a little. His name was Noah. He was heading home after a long consultation job out-of-state. He was some kind of environmental lawyer. He was all about public transportation and reducing the carbon footprint. I could tell he was a jubilant fellow – I don’t know a lot of people who speak so highly of their job.

About half an hour from our destination, the bus suddenly lurched. There was someone standing in the middle of the road, and the driver had done his best to steer out of the way. I saw a brief silhouette of someone small go by the window – possibly a child.
Moments later, we were thrown into a ditch, and the bus tipped over. In the blink of an eye, all turned to chaos. I was thrown out of my seat like a slack-necked doll, and there was this awful metal groaning noise. The side of the bus was torn open.
Suddenly, the world was still. My mind was spinning. I barely made it off the bus before I hurled, my inner ear screaming at me to lie down. Everything felt different. The air tasted metal. We’d driven straight into a field, leaving a long trail of bent grass and wild blue sunflowers behind us. As the engines of the bus died, all that was left was the flapping of moth wings. Looking back at the road, there was no one there.

I couldn’t see Noah, or the bus driver. I picked up my phone and called the police without a second thought. I felt disoriented, and the strangest details stood out to me. Like, how often do you stop to look at the shape of your phone, or stop to think about the actual code you use to unlock it?
While still on the phone, I was asked by the operator to check if everyone was okay. I moved to the front of the, saw the driver’s seat empty, and rounded the corner.
“Can you see them?” the operator asked again. “Is everyone alright?”
I heard the noise before I saw them. This thick, meaty squish. The tearing. Clicking teeth.
The kindly-looking Noah was sitting a bit further out in the field with a streak of blood trailing him. He was cradling the driver in his arms; slowly biting off pieces from the side of his head. Hair and all, slurped up like spaghetti.
It looked almost serene, like a grazing antelope.
“Excuse me, miss?” the operator repeated. “Can you see them?”
“Y-yes,” I whispered, breathlessly. “Yes, I do.”
“Is everyone alright?”
Noah looked up at me with complete disinterest. For a moment, his eyes met mine, and he was as calm as ever. There was no panic. No regret. Nothing. Like a dog enjoying a meaty bone.
“No,” I wheezed back into the phone. “N-no, we’re… we’re not alright.”

Yes, he’d killed and eaten that man. The moment we got off the bus, the first thing he’d done was to kill, and eat him. No hesitation whatsoever.
For a good fifteen minutes, I just stood there, watching. The police were on their way, but this was a bit out of their way. Noah didn’t seem to mind an audience. He just bit, chew, and swallowed. Bit, chew, and swallow. Thin spurts of blood stained his horn-rimmed glasses. But I couldn’t move or look away. I couldn’t bring myself to move or turn my back on him. I was just… frozen.
The moment the police arrived they didn’t even pull out their guns. They just stood there, staring in disbelief. Putting Noah in handcuffs and taking him away was completely uneventful. There was no struggle, no sudden attacks, nothing. Noah just looked disappointed to have his meal taken away, like a child tiredly reaching for his teddy bear.

I was so distraught after stating my witness account that I forgot one of my bags. I just took the one closest to me and got out of there. I couldn’t bring myself to call on my friends; I crashed at the first motel I came across. I sat up all night, staring into the ceiling, still trying to make some kind of sense about what I’d seen. I didn’t notice myself crying, and I didn’t notice how those cries slowly turned to screams. I just lay there, head empty, screaming into a cheap, tear-stained motel pillow.
Over the following weeks, I settled into a new place, a new job, and a new life. Everything was different, but in ways I hadn’t anticipated. I felt like an alien, as if the world had shifted. Like I’d seen something not of this Earth. Some of the most mundane things felt strange. Eating a sesame seed bagel at the café down on the corner felt like ashes in my mouth. All I could think about was teeth. Tearing. Ripping. Curious eyes looking my way.
But looking past all that, there was something else that kept crawling back into my mind; just how awful I was at judging someone’s character. How I hadn’t noticed the scam my ex had been wrapped up in, costing us our savings. How I hadn’t noticed how I was neglecting my work to the point where they had to let me go. And now this; how I couldn’t see that the friendly Noah on the bus had been ready to eat a living person at the drop of a hat?
It didn’t add up to me. How do you miss something like that?

I was one of the witnesses called in the trial that followed. I hoped it’d be a chance to finally put it all behind me. I said my piece, and I stayed to watch the proceedings. I had to know more about this man, and what turned him into this… monster. He didn’t look like a monster though. He was just a man in a suit. He even had the same glasses. I couldn’t look past his friendly demeanor – still as unbothered by this whole situation as the day I saw him bite down on raw flesh.
There was a clinical psychologist called to the stand. He’d been there to assess Noah’s mental state and was ready to share his findings.
“Mister Ayton is deeply confused,” he said. “To him, this behavior is not something new. This is something he’s been forced to do for years in order to survive.”
“Is he confessing further crimes?”
“Yes,” the psychologist continued. “But mister Ayton has lost perception of reality. He speaks of living in a forest, hunting people for food. He has no memory of ever having a family, or an occupation. To him, his life has been about… inhuman acts brought by never-ending strife.”
“And… you assess that this belief is a genuine response to trauma?”
“Yes, his belief is genuine,” the psychologist agreed. “This man has suffered a great trauma.”
There was a short pause as the psychologist checked his notes and adjusted his glasses.
“It’s… it’s as if he believes he comes from a different world.”

In Noah’s mind, he’d been a murderer for years, trapped in a sort of limbo state. His description of the world was horrifying; living in a space of ruptured reality, where the only certainty was famine and pain. He’d taken refuge in what he believed to be the shell of an abandoned bus. Suddenly, there were intruders in his space; one of which he killed and ate. The other he didn’t mind since he was already having his fill. According to his testimony, he was even willing to share. He wanted to be a good host.
His family spoke of another story. To them, Noah was a kind man with a busy schedule. There were pictures of him coaching his son’s basketball team. He’d recently celebrated 30 years of marriage to his wife, which he loved dearly. To them, this was an unreal nightmare. There was nothing in his history pointing to this kind of madness.
“Something happened,” they said. “Something must have happened on that bus.”
I hate to admit it, but I agreed. It just didn’t make sense.

I’m not sure what happened to Noah. There was a lot of talk behind closed doors, and most of what was said stayed there. The papers didn’t say a lot about it. There was mention of a case of “mutilation”, but every report about it was vague. It’s as if no one really wanted to report it. Maybe they didn’t know if it was a case of mental illness or something more sinister. Either way, there wasn’t much said about him.
I tried to put it out of my head. I caught up with my unread DMs. I’d been dreading reading worried texts, demands about unpaid bills, and whatever else might kick me further while I was down. I couldn’t go back to that world just yet, but I sort of had to.
But that’s where things took another turn.
I didn’t recognize these messages. Unknown names and numbers, asking me to call them back. One begged me to “reconsider”. Another sent me an address and a name. All kinds of strange, even coded, messages. Also; bank accounts. Payments.

That made me pause. I had no idea who these people were, or what they wanted from me. Had they gotten the wrong number?
I remember my second bag. I’d only brought the one, which I’d stashed away in my bathroom. I hadn’t opened it since that night. And the second bag, well… I still hadn’t talked to the police about it. But I decided that before I did anything else, I ought to at least unpack what little I’d brought. Even though it might be stained with blood, or worse. I couldn’t bear the thought of it.
But opening the bag, well… there was nothing of the sort in it.
It was my bag. I was certain of it. But there were no clothes or keepsakes. Instead, it had syringes wrapped in leather casings. Little clear vials; unmarked. Sheets of plastic, bags, duct tape, and knives. Several knives, of various sizes. All sharpened to perfection.

I picked one up. It fit perfectly into my hand, as if made for me.
Looking up at the bathroom mirror, there was something about the image looking back at me that I couldn’t recognize. While I could feel a frown forming on my brow, the face looking at me had a creeping smirk.
And I saw it blink.

That was only the beginning.
The police didn’t have my second bag. There had never been a second bag. There was only that one bag, and I couldn’t recognize a thing in it.
Even stranger, I couldn’t get in touch with anyone I knew. All numbers seemed to be out of commission. My parents, my sister, my friends… none of them. I couldn’t call them or find their social media profiles.
In my bag, there was a wallet. Several fake IDs, and thousands of dollars in cash.
I couldn’t recognize the president on the bill.

With every revelation, the smirk on my mirror image deepened. It would tilt its head the other way. It would look up and down; observing me. I’d raise my hand towards it, and it wouldn’t return the gesture.
Once, when I was in the bathroom, the bulb went out. I was standing there, fresh out of the shower, in complete darkness. I wrapped my cold towel around me, and I heard something. It sounded like a distant echo of my own voice, as if spoken from the other side of a window.
“…closer,” it whispered.
I didn’t say anything. I just held my breath, and listened.
“…I’m lost,” it continued. “…coming home.”
A finger brushed against my hair. I recoiled, and so did something else. I heard footsteps, moving away. As I opened the bathroom door and let some light in, the mirror image was nothing out of the ordinary. But somewhere out there, in the dark, I heard waning footsteps.

With every message I received, it was becoming increasingly clear that people were expecting something of me. That I’d move somewhere, meet someone, do something. I was asked about my equipment, about places and times. There were also a handful of threats from people expressing disappointment.
There was a knock on the door once. Another time, I saw a car slowing down to watch me through the kitchen window. There were mysterious phone calls at night. And whenever I stepped into a dark room, I’d stay clear of mirrors. If I stepped too close, I could hear something moving in there. Footsteps. Irregular breaths.
Sometimes, I’d feel the warmth of something reaching for me. Skin, just inches away.
Then, a hasty retreat.

I decided to retrace my steps. After all, Noah Ayton had been a family man before we swerved off that road. But what the hell had I been? Maybe he wasn’t the only one who’d changed.
I rented a car and took to the highway. I was having trouble navigating, ending up down a couple of roads I wasn’t supposed to. When I finally began to recognize where I was meant to go, the sun was already setting. I didn’t care. I was ready to drive through the night, if need be.
The first rain spatter came as soon as the sun set. The wind was picking up. I didn’t dare to look in the rear-view mirror. I didn’t want to think about what I might see.

I don’t know how long I drove. After a while, I stopped seeing other cars on the road.
Then, a shadow. Someone in the middle of the road. A boy?

I stepped on the breaks. A couple of moths thumped against my windshield as my car came to a full stop. I caught a glance at a side-view mirror, only to see a hand reaching out. I blinked it away.
I got out of the car, looking back down the road. I could still see the silhouette of a boy, walking away. Just like that night when the bus swerved off the road. This had to be connected; it just had to. I left my car running by the side of the road.
“Wait!” I called out. “Hold on!”
He didn’t stop. I was catching up, but as it turns out, I wasn’t the only one.

As I got closer, other figures emerged from the rain. Some of them looked like me. Others only held a vague resemblance. A select few were identical.
Further out, there were other figures. Some impossibly tall, others barely even human.
We all looked at one another; our heads turning in unison. Left. Right. Left. Like a ripple of thought, forcing us all to do the same. A collective impulse.

“I want my knives back.”
A voice breaking through the rain. I didn’t have to turn around to know who it was. I’d seen her in the mirror dozens of times by now. But this time, her voice was unhindered. There was no mirror in the way. I could feel her staring at me.
We were all spread out in a circle around the mysterious boy. A sort of beacon we’d all gathered around. And the closer we got, the stranger things became.
I lost track of time. I could barely feel the weight of my heartbeats as they quickened and slowed seemingly at random. The wind picked up, then disappeared, then reappeared. Rain, to snow, to hail, to summer sun. In one blink of an eye, the world was on fire. In another, we were standing in oncoming traffic; cars throwing themselves off the road to avoid us. In one place, the stars were gone and the ground was nothing but black sand.
In so many places, there was nothing left. No life. No sky. Nothing.

It was terrifying. I wanted to turn around to run, but I couldn’t trust the figure to my side not to take advantage. Instead, I stopped. A few moved closer, only to dissipate or be changed forever. One sprouted a third arm. Another was dragged into the dark by an unseen force. One fell to the ground, stretched, and bent like hot metal. Screams, cries, and hysterical laughter.
Slowly, the boy moved away. And with every step he took, I could feel my world slowing down. By the time I could feel the rain on my skin again, there was a hand on my shoulder.
I was grabbed, spun around, and pushed. In front of me; my twisted mirror image.
“Go home,” it hissed. “I’m done with this place.”

A push. Shadows growing distant, and the rain growing stronger.
A different rain.

There was an unknown car waiting by the side of the road. One more neatly parked. Similar to the one I’d used, but not the same. Going through the glovebox, I recognized several items. Looking in the back seat, there were two familiar bags.
I realized what had happened. I’d been gone, and now I’d returned.

I have been back here for quite some time now. Here, where Noah Ayton is an ordinary family man without any articles mentioning his name. I settled into my new place, and eventually got a new job. Got back in touch with my family and friends. I started to recognize the faces on my dollar bills again.
But a few things have happened. No one has seen my ex for a while. There was a string of disappearances around the area where I used to live, back in Cleveland. I don’t like to think about what has happened there. Am I responsible? If not, who is?
I’m not sure what happened that night. Not really. I think we got too close to something we shouldn’t, and what little sense we make of this world got mixed-up.
I can’t help but to look a little longer at mirrors. I lean my ear in to listen, making sure I don’t hear anything. I turn my head back and forth, making sure the image follows. So far, it does. But I sometimes get the sense that it doesn’t. Maybe in the dark, when I can’t look as closely.

If you find yourself near a strange sunflower field, keep your eyes on the road. Slow down.
And if you do get a little too close, watch your surroundings. Check your bills.
And in more ways than one – know your place.

One thing I think about. It's that I am Myself. It would be simpler if I was just an on-looker and not myself, but I am myself. So I gotta deal with that. I'm the person that needs to overcome something...which I'm not arguing against; it's just weird to be that person. I guess it's just not how I think, outside of it being a fact.
But- it also makes it a little easier to think from that POV, cause SM is stupid and nonsensical, when it comes down to it. And I've thought that for a long time...but I feel this is a more realized way I've come to look at it.
And the last few days I feel like I actually 'want' change again. I think a few days ago was a bit of a "reel-in" moment for me. So maybe I do want 'normal' again. I'm glad that I did get that "reel-in," cause when not "reeled-in," things just stagnate (which my Mom was also telling me, that progress is stagnate, and that's not untrue).
Uh- it is a little difficult to do (or attempt) anything myself. But today my Mom, took me and made me get a haircut myself. Now, I didn't feel bad at the prospect of it...I think I denied doing this in the past cause I was more afraid of it, but also because I could never get it through to her, that if she TOLD my (usual) haircutter about this-all first, it would make it WAY simpler (and this would apply to other things too). And today I told here, and she agreed to do it/understood.
Sitting in there alone was a little weird. And then he forgot a usual thing, so I had to leave the building "after" the cut, and lucky my Mom did come in (when I looked at her) and she resolved it. But she was out of the building most of the time, besides those two times. It was ok. Idk what this usual-haircutter thinks of me, but he's alright (as in "meh")...and I think his handling of me was to be expected (in regards to SM/assumed-dependency; not saying that I'm not dependent, but I'm less dependent than sometimes is assumed...but I think the assumptions were faiI did expect). And maybe next time I'll go alone (since I can drive/have a car, even if it's kind of ridiculous I have a car...but I do), it'll probably be weird, but it'll probably get better. But now the door has been "unlocked," at least for this hair cutter (solely); miss-me with any other hair-cutting place...cause that's a WHOLE OTHER thing. I don't speak at mine; it's just "known" what gets done (even if ideally I'd probably do my hair differently...that's for later in life, I guess).
On 150mg of Sertraline, and I feel like it hasn't done much...but maybe it has; or maybe I just (since the last few days) feel like I actually "want it" (change/A fucking LIFE that I have dominion oveto experience love and/or normal social life) and am a little more willing. 'Normality' is such a foreign concept, I tend to just reference people (in my head) when talking on "normality." Which is kind of weird (if I were to be specific in my details), but it's what I do. And I sort of "idolize" these people I "attach to" that label (or basically people, I don't really know that well, but I get it in my head; "that's how I want to be like"....)...because people are just the easiest way for me to explain 'normal' to myself. It feels like there's just so much to be discovered, in whatever that life would be like. And I have somewhat a concept of 'normal' with Media/YouTube/Family, etc., but not a lived-experience (which I may never know).
Although I don't do these things myself, so my Mom having me do this (cause this wasn't a discussed thing), was kind of crucial. I'm not leaving the house on my own. I would hope the 150mg daily, will eventually have me willing to go out the house on my own volition (but idk if that'll ever be the case), or to express myself more openly..but that seems to have yet to come. If that would even come...maybe I'm way too Optimistic or Delusional.
And then we went to a fast food place, and I would just be thinking on the way there. Then we were there, and I would pick the coupon. But I didn't expect her to have me actually speak to the cashier. Now look, I don't even speak loud when alone (loud, as in 'normal volume').....so- Although she then wanted me to speak to the guy (not just to her, in front of the guy). My eye-contact was 50/50 (looking/not looking), but eh....I would say my singular word 'cheese' for what I wanted of the coupon (I mean the guy lined it out pretty easy prior to even realizing anything about me, so guess I was just lucky there)....and he misheard that as 'chicken,' then I was struggling just to get the right sandwich. I had to relay that to my Mom. And for the side, I just forfeited that; I was ok with the side that was misheard as well (anyway).
And I felt fine after that. Although I stand stiffly/my arms are placed weird (It's awkward and lacking of confidence). I'm 21, but I guess I feel like a 4-yr old; in regards to how I think people respect me (if they even do), I wear the same things, etc., and I feel like people always default to not speaking to me like a normal person. Which is also something I really do sort of want lately....to be treated normally (since that's just rare). I would want someone (in future) to be able to just express freely with (guess that's why I think on 'love' mainly).
And I think (why I feel relatively fine today), a lot of it is that "outside POV" too, as well as me lately "wanting it" (although I don't "want it" as much as I did 3 years ago). I didn't feel in-genuine for doing either of these things (usually I do). Maybe cause my Mom was aware of it all? less so, a "betrayal" by speaking.
Or, the medicine could be a factor. Or it could be that I'm less afraid of speaking to strangers, and more just afraid of expressing more than just an ordespeaking in more than a few words, as well as speaking at a 'normal volume,' and am also not used to 'normal convo' with anyone. I mean it's not like I've really ever had a normal conversation (and it's not like I practice, and I'll get DMs from people, and I appreciate them...but it's just too weird....I'd rather talk to AI....but at that point, I just stick to my diary).
I think my Mom was telling me that I used to (long ago) basically have a somewhat 'normal' living experience...and I do have videos from 2011 (at 9) of me talking happily along to the ipad (even videos where I am speaking to my brother, which I don't do anymore). I don't really remember being 9 though, but I think that could be right. I think my Uncles also say how I used to speak (unsure about that though).
Though I always remember speaking never coming natural. I never spoke much in Elementary school, and I didn't say a word in Kindergarten. I just thought that was entirely normal. I didn't even think about the other kids. I guess I was pretty socially-unintelligent though, as well...so it's not like I really understood that people normally speak a lot to each other. I guess I just didn't realize that until much later.

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Sorry for the delay. Reddit was being Reddit, and the Old Reddit trick didn't fix it. I had to add everything in markdown mode and switch back to the rich editor before it would let me post. So there's that workaround now, I guess.
“So that's what happened,” Ryn'Ala said as her magical servants set out plates loaded with food. They had decided on a late dinner of dried meats and cheeses, once their host had seen her other guests off for the night.
“I remember my first ghoul encounter. It was a roamer, split off from a nest and wandering the countryside. We had been asleep after clearing out a pack of wolves that were terrorizing a farming village, and it managed to get the drop on us. I still think Randolph was asleep instead of keeping watch, but he always maintained his innocence. Anyway, Randolph shouted as he tried to hold the thing off with his axe, and the rest of us had to fight in our sleepwear. It's a good thing there was only the one.”
“Yeah,” Fulmara agreed, “I got bit even through my armor. I shudder to think what would have happened if it managed to grab a proper chunk of me.”
“It wouldn't have been pretty,” the elven woman said, shaking her head. “Spells and potions are all well and good for scrapes and bruises, but it takes something truly powerful to staunch a cut artery or regrow limbs.”
There was a moment of silence as they all contemplated the implications of their new lives. Finally, Jeron grabbed a roll from the basket and they all started eating.
“So,” Verrick began, breaking the silence, “good news first?”
“Right,” Ryn'Ala agreed, “I did promise you some news. Good news first then! The two gentlemen you met earlier are some of my colleagues, here to study the egg like I promised. They were able to determine that the material is indeed onyx, which hasn't been documented before, and that the engravings are related to the Celestial tongue, but are not a known dialect. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say they were possibly the written form of the Muses' own tongue. We're trying to find any commonalities we can to start deciphering it, but as none of us speak Celestial, it's a slow process. The other good news is for you, Verrick.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. I managed to find some old books from when Jeron was young. They're aimed at teaching the children of nobles to read, and should help to get you to a basic level of competency. Once you get the basics down, the rest of it is just a matter of experience.”
Verrick blushed slightly. “You don't have anything suited to teaching adults to read, do you?”
She laughed. “Unfortunately, no. Though I suspect the subject matter would be much the same, but with less color in the pictures. I'll help you get started tomorrow, if you like.”
“I'll help get Fulmara up to speed while you're working with him,” Firun agreed. “Between the two of us, we'll have them reading like functional members of society in no time.”
“Hey!” the dwarf snapped. “I can read! Just not very well. The big words trip me sometimes.”
“The big words are some of the most important, dear,” Ryn'Ala countered. “How else would we know what alchemical reagents are in a flask, or what stuffy old monarch is buried in a newly discovered tomb?”
“I know that,” she replied, looking down at her food. “I just don't think it was very funny.”
“Also fair,” the elf agreed. “But he still makes a valid point. As you are now, you will struggle, especially if you're to continue your travels. Give us a little time to work on your reading comprehension, and you'll have a much easier time whenever you need to purchase supplies, or conduct research.”
“What's the bad news then?” Jeron asked, spearing a piece of fish.
“Our options are more limited than I originally thought. As... talented individuals, groups like yours naturally attract attention. It's something I went through in my younger days. Some attention is a good thing, of course. Having the right eyes on you can open doors in the most unexpected places, after all. The problem is that some of the attention you'll receive is significantly less beneficial. The Imperial Order of Inquisitors has taken an interest in you, as a new group with connections to the Imperial Court.”
“We know someone important?” Verrick wondered, confused.
Ryn'Ala finished her wine and held her glass out for a magical servant to refill. “As a classically trained performer of the Imperial College of Performances, and as a citizen gifted by the Song, I have some influence in the Elven Court. The Inquisitors don't particularly care how little the influence is, just that it exists. As long as they're watching us, I won't be able to leverage my connections as much as I would like.”
“So we're not really any worse off than before, right?” Jeron asked.
“Not entirely. The Egg research is still going to happen, but I can't exactly help you make new friends like I'd hoped. You'll have to do it the hard way.”
“So not really any different than before,” Firun confirmed. “We weren't exactly expecting elven royalty to help, although it would've been nice.”
“In any case, I have one more bit of news to share, and this one is a bit more concerning.”
She left the room for a moment, returning with a small stack of parchment in her hands. Jeron cleared a space on the table and she spread the stack for them to see.
“I took your descriptions of the warlock's benefactor and contacted a few of my colleagues in the royal archives. Don't worry,” she said, seeing the concerned look on Jeron's face, “I didn't give them any information about any of you. I just told them I had received information about interference from a powerful being. While we do not have an exact identity, our information does match descriptions of a being that has been encountered before.”
“What is it?” the dwarf asked. “What do we need to kill?”
“While I admire your enthusiasm,” Ryn'Ala began, “I must warn you that beings like this can't be killed. Not truly, in any case. But knowing what it is can help you to lessen its influence on the world.”
She pointed to the first sheet. “It is, as Jeron suggested, fond of presenting itself as a cloud of powdered bone. To the casual observer, it's not much different to a cloud of ash or dust, but it's a fitting appearance that drips with symbolism to those who know. The being is a powerful entity residing in the space beyond the Pale Reach, the realm of undeath.”
“The Pale Reach is a lifeless corruption of our realm,” Jeron explained, noticing the confusion on the faces of his companions. “Both it and the Deepwood were created by the Echoing, twisting the parts of the Song that created life in the world to create unlife and a bountiful overgrowth respectively.”
“Exactly,” his mentor continued, pride in his studies evident in her voice. “The Pale Reach, while not exactly the source of undead, still resonates with their energy. It's a place beyond life and light, where the sun is pale and weak. The air is as stale and unmoving as a tomb, and yet a howling gale tears at your very soul. It is a place no living being should tread, and in the darkness beyond even that, your adversary lurks.”
Fulmara shuddered, her face pale as she remembered the touch of the being's energies as it fed on her father and corrupted her mother. She felt Verrick's hand on her shoulder, and soon her friends were with her, driving back the memories with their presence.
“Exactly,” Ryn'Ala said, noticing her discomfort. “You have felt the touch of a being that was never meant to be. A thing that has no soul yet craves one above all else. It is an existence that should not be possible, even for the Echoing. That is what you have sworn to thwart. Knowing this, do you regret your Oath?”
Fulmara's answer was immediate. “No. I do not regret swearing vengeance on this vile thing, and if I cannot kill it, then I will kill its ambitions.”
“Well said. I believe you will make for a fine champion of Fulmos.”
The morning was frigid as Jeron entered the archives, nestled beneath the monolith of the Tradespire. His footsteps echoed on the marble floors, rebounding from the shadowy recesses of the vaulted ceiling above. Between the columns along the walls, statues of knights stood at attention, their stone swords as tall as Jeron himself. At the back of the room stood more, carved to resemble accountants. A dwarven woman sat at the wide desk ahead of him, watching his approach while she sorted paperwork. Finally, she called out to him.
“How can I help you this morning?” she asked, clearing a space in front of her. “If you have an appointment, I'm afraid there's been an emergency cancellation for anything before midday.”
“I'm here for research, actually,” Jeron clarified. “I'm looking into some events from a couple decades ago.”
She opened a drawer and began rummaging through more papers. “Alright, one moment then while I locate the form you'll need. If everything is valid, I'll also need your entry fee of fifteen silver, to help us maintain the files and our equipment.”
The receptionist brushed a lock of blond hair out of her face as she sat back up with a sheet of paper. “If you'll just fill this out, we'll get you started.”
The form was a simple one, with wide spacing for each category to allow for individuals with larger hands. Jeron scanned the page as he walked a short distance to the standing desks at the edge of the chamber, working over the wording he would use for each line.
Name, that's easy enough...
Benefactor, Ryn'Ala Leth
Group or Organization... I'll have to think about that.
Reason for request, Research on recent plagues and the means by which they were cured.
Additional Notes... Possible link to recent ghoul case in crossroads village of Caldren.
Jeron filled in the answers he could, but he was stumped by the request for a group name. He knew they'd need one eventually, and if they didn't start introducing themselves properly, then someone else would come up with a name for them. Those names were rarely ideal, if the Mud Biters were any example. Deciding to leave it blank for the time being, he returned to the receptionist and made a mental note to bring the topic up later.
“Alright, Mister Blackbough,” the dwarf muttered as she scanned the page, “let's see here.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Plague research? Not planning on spreading one, are you?”
“More looking into the cures,” he countered. “Never enough Clerics to cure a population once it gets out of control, so I'm looking into the alchemical cures that have been used recently. Easier to stockpile and transport ingredients than powerful people, after all.”
“Fair point, but what makes you think you'll find the answers you're looking for here?”
“If I don't, then I'll at least find something that will point me to the right answers. And besides, Do you honestly expect me to believe the formulae aren't kept here? Having them accessible may lose you a little money, but having them locked away where nobody can find them could completely kill a market.”
“Well done,” she said, filing the form in another drawer. “You pass, although we technically could keep the formulae in a separate section that the typical trader couldn't access.”
She clapped her hands, the sound echoing unnaturally throughout the chamber, and a statue peeled itself away from the wall behind her. The golem, Jeron realized, thudded forward and halted just behind her.
“Take our guest into the archives,” the woman said, turning to look up at the living stone. “Section four, subsection three. He has four hours to research before you bring him back.”
The golem grunted, a hollow groaning sound, and motioned for Jeron to follow.
“Stay with the guide,” the receptionist ordered. “Their default instructions include removing anyone who strays into areas they haven't been invited into, and they can be a lot faster than they look.”
“Got it,” Jeron said, turning to follow the lumbering accountant. “Lead the way.”
The golem led him deep into the building, through rooms filled with shelves and tables. More than once, he had to sidestep a gnome or a dwarf with stacks of scrolls so tall they couldn't see where they were walking, and he could swear he saw a wheeled golem zip across the hall at one point. Finally, they stopped in an unmarked room, which looked almost exactly like the ones they had already passed through. The golem gestured to a section of the wall, and the indicated shelves began to glow with a pulsating blue color.
“The focus of my research is a plague from about twenty years ago,” he said, turning to face the statue. “Any chance you can narrow that down a bit?”
The golem shrugged before gesturing to the wall again. The illuminated shelves did not change.
“Right, on my own then. Let's see how these are organized.”
His search took almost an hour to truly get started, but once he determined the pattern by which the information was stored, he was off. Books held verified accounts of events as recorded by city officials, merchants, and adventuring groups, which had all been corroborated by third parties. Scrolls with a blue end cap held accounts which matched the established timelines but could not be fully verified, such as the accounts of a group called The Dawn Star, which had claimed to have killed a necromancer responsible for an outbreak of Crushing Syndrome some sixty years ago. Accounts which were found to have possible merit but did not line up with the official account were written in scrolls with a red end cap.
Jeron sat down with a small stack of books, scanning each before setting it aside and taking the next. He jumped decades at a time, clearing the gaps between major disease outbreaks each time, until finally, he found it. Almost twenty years prior, the city of Varien about a month's travel bowlward, an outbreak of Leadbone. Admittedly, there wasn't much to go on. The disease was almost always fatal, and was magical in origin. Little was recorded about the cure, and nothing at all about the alchemist who discovered it. The scrolls, red and blue markings alike, shared in the dearth of information, and Jeron suspected the information had been deliberately withheld.
As he began returning the books to their shelves, the golem grunted, signaling the end of his time in the archives. Jeron gestured to the books, and the golem nodded, allowing him to finish returning them before it lead him back to the front desk. It returned to its place along the back wall as the receptionist sat back up from her search through yet another drawer.
“Find everything you needed?” she asked.
“Not quite, but I did get some clues. Quick question, if you have a minute,” he added, glancing at the sunlight streaming in through the bowlward window.
“Go on.”
“If I wanted to join a caravan headed toward Varien, who would I speak to?”
“Caravan offices are near the dawnward wall, about three streets from the gates. You'd have to ask about the schedules there.”
“Thank you very much,” Jeron said, bowing slightly. “You have been more helpful than you realize.”
“Tell that to my boss, maybe I'll get a raise.”
Jeron laughed, and was soon on his way home. His notes were folded and tucked into a bag at his waist, and he puzzled over the questions that had arisen in his research. Why was that plague so poorly documented? Was it even the right plague in the first place? The questions swirled in his mind, but above all of them, one rose to the top.
What do we call ourselves?
Next
Wiki
Seriously, do what the title says. Local libraries are the best source of information you have, because if you can't find something online, the librarian will often know where to direct your search. They're also a great place to play D&D if nobody can host. Just be sure to keep your celebrations to a low roar.

Hope it’s ok to post this here.
My 4 year old (49 months), has been counting since she was 18 months. She can sort well, count to 150+, do legos for 7-8 years old, and completed patterns for kindergarteners. We’re teaching her to add and subtract and she’s using her fingers like a champ.
My question: what is a fun way to keep teaching her and keep her engaged? My hubby and I like math but we aren’t fun kid teachers. This learning has mostly been guided by us but we’re reaching our limit on how to incorporate these lessons into everyday life. We wanted to put her in those math classes (e.g. rsm) so she can do math fun with friends but they won’t take her until she’s five. I’m thinking of getting a weekly tutor but wanted to make sure I keep her love of math while doing it.
Any suggestions from the experts on this? What are good things to do and things not to do?

Hi all. Visiting Canada from Europe in mid July and was interested in doing around a week's worth of a landscape photography roadtrip that would start from Calgary.
I'm debating between three directions, all of which need to end at an airport where I would fly into New York.

1. Head west towards Vancouver, passing by Banff, Jasper, and the like.
   
2. Head southwest towards Washington State, North Cascades, and maybe Mount Rainier, and finish in Seattle.
   
3. Head directly south towards Montana and Glacier National Park, the airport part I haven't figured out yet.
   

Which would you choose based on criterias such as: - Landscapes and their variety + conditions during that time of summer - How pristine and lesser traveled the locations are (Backcountry options are fine and encouraged too) - Distance and easyness of transport, including airport - Potential lodging and/or camping options - Any other reasons I may have missed
If anyone has any insights, including recommendations of any sorts for hikes, photo spots, lodging or routes, it would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!

Hi all. Visiting Canada from Europe in mid July and was interested in doing around a week's worth of a landscape photography roadtrip that would start from Calgary.
I'm debating between three directions, all of which need to end at an airport where I would fly into New York.

1. Head west towards Vancouver, passing by Banff, Jasper, and the like.
   
2. Head southwest towards Washington State, North Cascades, and maybe Mount Rainier, and finish in Seattle.
   
3. Head directly south towards Montana and Glacier National Park, the airport part I haven't figured out yet.
   

Which would you choose based on criterias such as: - Landscapes and their variety + conditions during that time of summer - How pristine and lesser traveled the locations are (Backcountry options are fine and encouraged too) - Distance and easyness of transport, including airport - Potential lodging and/or camping options - Any other reasons I may have missed
If anyone has any insights, including recommendations of any sorts for hikes, photo spots, lodging or routes, it would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!

Hi all. Visiting Canada from Europe in mid July and was interested in doing around a week's worth of a landscape photography roadtrip that would start from Calgary.
I'm debating between three directions, all of which need to end at an airport where I would fly into New York.

1. Head west towards Vancouver, passing by Banff, Jasper, and the like.
   
2. Head southwest towards Washington State, North Cascades, and maybe Mount Rainier, and finish in Seattle.
   
3. Head directly south towards Montana and Glacier National Park, the airport part I haven't figured out yet.
   

Which would you choose based on criterias such as: - Landscapes and their variety + conditions during that time of summer - How pristine and lesser traveled the locations are (Backcountry options are fine and encouraged too) - Distance and easyness of transport, including airport - Potential lodging and/or camping options - Any other reasons I may have missed
If anyone has any insights, including recommendations of any sorts for hikes, photo spots, lodging or routes, it would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!

Sorry if this has been answered before, I couldn't find any information.
My PIP claim review started in January 2023 having sent all the forms back still not heard anything other than the occasional text message. My concessionary travel pass (issued by Transport for Greater Manchester) also expires at the end of July when the claim ends, something I am dependent on. Is there any sort of process where I can obtain a letter or extension?
Thanks

I just thought I’d put something positive out, because when my panic disorder first started last year it was peoples positive stories on here that really helped me get through the worst times.
February last year, after a stressful few months I suddenly started having multiple panic attacks a day and through the night, they started suddenly and were absolutely debilitating, I was getting about 4 hours sleep a night, I was having multiple a day at work and I lost my job because of that, and it got to the point where the only place I felt slightly safe was my own bedroom. If I went anywhere like eating at a restaurant, shopping, public transport, even just a 5 minute walk, boom. Panic attack. My panic attacks felt like a huge sudden surge of adrenaline like a head rush from head to toe that made my whole body go numb, my heart rate would go to around 170, my vision would go fuzzy, feeling of impending doom, i would feel freezing cold but id be sweating, I felt horribly dizzy, as if i was going to pass out but I never did. They would last anywhere from 10 seconds to hours at a time of repeating adrenaline rushes and all those other symptoms, over and over. My resting heart rate was around 120 for months. After multiple doctors visits and ECGs and other tests they eventually put me on propranolol and I was diagnosed with a panic disorder, but I was too scared to take it, and whenever I had the courage to take it I had a panic attack anyway because I was scared that the medication would kill me. Eventually I noticed that it started working a little, and just took the edge off so I carried on taking them. I was also having all sorts of health issues and I was terrified that it was due to the propranolol but I was sent to an endocrinologist for testing, and she said my results showed that my nervous system was completely stuck in overdrive, and I was essentially stuck in fight or flight mode, all my body’s alarms were going off so it was pumping random hormones like more adrenaline, cortisol, and other stuff that was effecting my female cycles, and it’s also the reason I was struggling to digest anything and had constant awful heartburn and stomach issues. I also had massive vitamin deficiencies despite my varied diet, because my body was in overdrive and was basically using up all the important nutrients because it was stuck in survival mode.
She taught me about nervous system regulation techniques, and gave me some vitamins to help me get past the deficiencies. Those were all the B vitamins, magnesium, potassium, D vitamins, and also electrolytes. She also showed me some natural stuff like herbal medicines for if I wanted to go down that route, these were ashwagandha, lemon balm, lavender and lions mane mushroom.
She also showed me the dare app, and taught me about meditation, yoga, and other things that help calm the nervous system.
The dare app was also a life saver for me, and reading other peoples recovery stories on there really helped me. I also spoke to a dude on Instagram called Magnus Davies, he’s an ‘anxiety coach’ who recovered from panic and agoraphobia who has some great advice on his page, he was brilliant and gave me lots of advice on how he recovered
It took some time and I kept taking my propranolol at first for extra support and confidence, but eventually with using the dare techniques while doing exposure therapy as well as nervous system regulation techniques like tapping and meditation and sitting with my symptoms, and trying not to react to any symptoms with fear, and making sure I was taking care of my body and supporting my nervous system, I was able to really focus on challenging my panic disorder and started feeling confident enough to start tapering off my propranolol
As of next week it’ll be 4 months since my last panic attack! Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a generally anxious/nervous person, but no panic attacks really feels incredible, and after dealing with panic attacks, it makes my general anxiety feel so easily manageable, most days I don’t even notice it. It wasn’t sudden, but at first I noticed I was going slightly longer between attacks. Like, I was going a week without a panic attack before having another one, then two weeks, then three, and now it’s been 4 whole months since my last panic attack. I’m not scared about having another one now, because I know it’s just a setback and is part of the healing process, and I’ll probably go even longer between after that if I do have another. My health problems have subsided, I’m not constantly ill anymore, I can digest food again, and my resting heart rate has dropped back down to around 85. I’m no longer stuck in fight or flight mode. I actually have the ability to relax now, which I never thought I would see again, after over a year of hell. I’ve even been able to do scary things like going to big concerts with huge crowds without panicking, I can enjoy life again. I even did a 2 week long course this month over an hour away from home, from 9am until 5pm every day, in a room full of strangers, without having a single panic attack. It’s something I was worried about for a while and it was all fine. I’m so proud of myself for that.
Sorry for writing an entire novel, but I just wanted to say that things CAN get better. You won’t be stuck like this forever, there is light at the end of the tunnel

Edit - thanks everyone! I've a decent list now and I'm sorted with places to see for next 2 months
Hey All, Been in Ireland for the last 2 years and moved to Cork from Dublin last month. Its sunny and brilliant outside, yet I am here in my home doing nothing. I have moved to Cork last month from Dublin and really hoping to see something in the next 2 days. I have checked Cliffs of Moher and ring of kerry day tour but they dont look too promising. I am inclinced to the ring of Kerry day tour but it feels like its just a long drive than stops and hike (i dont have a card so will do via Paddy wagon).
Cobh is a few minutes by train from here but I am really not sure what to do there or anywherre in and around Cork on my own. I have traveled solo in the past but I was aware of some spots I could go to by public transport and enjoy, but here I am pretty clueless.
Happy to get your suggestions on where should I go? In an ideal world, I would go on a hike ( I'd do this in Dublin via meetup but cant find any hiking groups here) so happy to be a tourist.
Thanks!

I (m16) feel so incredibly lonely, lately I’ve been smoking my brains out to cope, but even with a high it slips through. For some context, I’ve always been quite a large and ugly guy, and pretty recently I put some time and focus into my appearance and have started to like the way I look more and I have started with girls a lot more but I am still single and still feel very lonely. I think I have a deep rooted thought of myself as some sort of gross and undesirable shell, which I have shown to the world with open arms, which is something I only now have came to regret, as I see the others around me treated well embody traits opposite of my unfiltered self. There is misery in the primitive desire for connection. Why do I feel so unlovable? I have asked others and they say I’m not, but I can’t get the thought away. I still feel like the slowest kid in tag, I still feel like the kid that would ask for everyone’s food, I was still that 11lb baby, I still feel like the kid crying in kindergarten because his mom left, I still feel like the fat kid behind the computer screen while I was locked inside for 2 years. I still feel like the kid crying behind the couch while my dad tells my mom he’s gonna kill her, I still feel like the kid watching my brother try and kill himself, I still feel like the kid in the court room waiting to see when I get to see dad again. I still feel like the fat kid in middle school. I still feel like the kid that no one wants to talk to. I still feel like the oblivious little kid losing his idea of what love is. I still feel like the boy that got his feelings and body used by an 18 year old. I still feel like the kid constantly getting bullied. I still feel like something deep and ingrained about me is and will forever be undesired. I still feel disgusting. I am unlovable. My body’s eating away at itself.