For context, I've tried to switch to Linux a few times by now, but i'd defnitely still call myself a noob and sorely lacking in experience with Linux. I've tried Ubuntu one or two times, then I briefly used Linux Mint, and now I'm on Debian and I feel like giving up again and switching to Windows (Although I have been considering switching to Alpine only because I have a goblin in my head that cares way too much about optimization and efficiency so when it sees low minimum requirements it goes ooga booga install. So I guess that's another question I have: based on what I'm going to do on Linux, is Alpine a good option?).
To clarify, what I plan to use Linux for is mainly for casual things along with programming. Stuff like web browsing and viewing media files, gaming (specifically a mix of old and modern games, along with some more obscure stuff like BYOND), writing and creating documents, learning game development to make my own game (I plan on working solo with the engine being Godot), and learning how to code.
My issues, I'm assuming, are fairly standard and common: difficulty getting things properly installed, having things just straight up not work, and just generally being lost and not being able to figure out how to resolve any of this on my own. And so, I'm starting to wonder whether I'm just being a fucking idiot or it's just that the distro I'm on isn't best for what I need.
As for what I'm working with, I have two computers: a laptop and a desktop, both of which I'd like to switch to Linux for. My desktop computer is the Lenovo ThinkCentre E73 Mini Tower, a 2013 pre-built desktop computer meant for business (yes, it's a hand-me-down and it's been used and abused for quite a few years now), and here are it's specs:
CPU Intel Core i5-4570S CPU @ 2.90GHz x 4 Memory 3.6 GiB GPU Mesa Intel HD Graphics 4600 (1.5 GiB)
As for my laptop, it's an ASUS X580VD (and it's also an old laptop and a hand-me-down). Here are it's specs:
Processor Intel Core i7-7700HQ CPU @ 2.80Ghz GeForce GTX 1050 Installed RAM 16.0 GB
So essentially, I'm asking for some guidance on whether the distro I'm using is suited for what I want to do and I just have fuckall for brains, or it isn't and I should change.

Let me tell you about a job I was recruited for and how it has been going so far.
I was minding my own business, content in my current job when I received an email about a job I had skills for and the recruiter thought that based on my experience I would be a good fit.I looked up the job and could see why the recruiter thought that and I applied thinking nothing of it.
This was followed by a quick 10 question 'test', and then followed by an 8 question essay answer 'test' This was followed by two panel interviews with five people each and then that's when the fun started. I was selected to participate in on site interviews, but due to recent surgery and an inability to travel I withdrew from the job and moved all my research into an archive.
A day latter I got a call from the person who would be my boss, essentially saying I was the top candidate and they didnt want me to withdraw. So, they accommodated me doing the on-site interviews remote which consisted of another five person interview and then a 40 person interview. The next day I did another three interviews with three different people.
Then, they wanted even more interviews on-site, which by this time I convinced my doctor to let me travel. On site was another panel interview with three people who were in other interviews along the way and by this time I'm just - whatever and just answer all the questions as bluntly as possible.
I was then offered the job the next day.
So...
Multiple 'tests' Multiple panel interviews A withdrawal More Multiple panel interviews Even more panel interviews And a final interview.
It's just crazy how many interviews there were. Now, it is C-suite type job, but this selection process has been ridiculous.

I am a Grade 12 student that has multiple offers like Molecular Bio & Genetics, Forensic Science, Neuro, Toxicology, Pharmaceutical Chem and More.
I was wondering since I have an offer from Ryerson to go to Med Physics the advantages it could have over any of these programs. I have heard the job market isn't the best in Canada for this type of profession and was wondering anyone's opinions considering my offers.

I think sometimes if I had formative experiences that let me not be fearful avoidant of people, and if I had been encouraged as a kid towards of stable career path/job skill, and therefore if I had always been financially secure, then I would have always been in relationships with women. I become angry thinking if I had never grown up in a religious environment I would have realized sooner. There is so much baggage for me now surrounding injustice to women in a way that I don't totally understand or have the words for yet.
I think when I was younger I had sex with men imagining I was fulfilling the role of a "good woman" and feeling proud of myself for that, while not enjoying the sex or the people themselves. I currently am somewhat in a relationship with a feminine man who has helped me know men are humans and can be good humans who are open to being corrected because they truly don't want to cause harm to others. He listens to my boundaries when I say them (though they also have made him sad), but I still have a really hard time knowing and respecting my boundaries. We call each other friends but we also sleep in the same bed together and have sex. During sex I often think if only you were a woman. I could touch you in the ways I wish to touch a woman. I keep on thinking, even though I wish he were a woman, I am appreciative of practicing healthy relationship skills with him and our friendship. I know he's not fulfilled either but both of us are learning and growing and "doing life together" as survival (we met while both suicidal and have genuinely helped one another); as awkward as it can be to have undefined relationship roles, I'm grateful to have his support during this time of my life and to learn how to be a better friend, communicator, etc through him. There are so many mental health issues I'm struggling with and financial instability, that I kind of have to order my problems from most to least pressing. I'm focusing on learning how to develop a healthy relationship to myself and the world (a new perspective outside of shame).
He supports me financially and takes that stress off me partly because I am a source of emotionally safe sex and affection. My employment is spotty and I'm working on building potential careers on the side. While I have a lot to be grateful for, if I had stable finances and a bearable long term career in place, I would be platonic best friends with him and in a romantic and sexual relationship with a woman.
A part of my long term healing process is feeling safe in my own skin and able to navigate the world and connect genuinely and meaningfully with people based on my won self knowledge and self acceptance. I was thinking that to accept myself is to accept "life" itself, its so imperfect and painful but there is always gratitude, joy and medicine that can be focused on so that pride and quiet, simply joy and calm can be dominant. Fear of life and fear of "my bad parts" makes me not want to accept or affirm any of these things as being good and worthwhile.
Anyway, I have to accept myself and life itself and "higher powers" and come to terms with identifying and learning about systemic forces that cause people pain that we then blame ourselves for and feel shame about, so that I can feel mental clarity and throw my hat into the ring as knowing who I am, what i stand for, and what lifestyle I want to live, within the framework of understanding myself as a member of a larger society and just member of humanity. Then knowing this will translate to me being able to have a stable career, because I will feel secure to relate to people with honesty and support of my own self and therefore not always be leaving jobs out of avoidance of people, or leaving jobs because I don't understand my talents and what I'm capable of and how to earn a living in a sustainable not exhausting painful way.
I just needed to write out the truth somewhere outside myself. Thanks for reading.

I've graduated around 2022 and immediately worked at b30. People are stunned na nakapasok agad ako.
It felt so easy sa interviews and JO. Job was easy too but the the co-workers are so toxic.
Now I know why adults way back then told me it was worse when you work.
I even cried at work not because of getting mistakes. I was doing okay at work. But it was so suffocating hearing bad tsismis and bad talks of co-employees. They were nice when you're in front of them but as you leave, may sinasabi behind ur back.
Like pag pogi aassist daw nila kahit matanda at may asawa na sila, ultimo sariling kawork pagtsitsismisan.
5 months lang kinaya ko. I've tried my best to stay but it's really hard. Parang kahit anong iwas mo dinadamay ka sa problema nila.
For me, It was a good experience. My plan talaga is to stay 1 year pero napaalis na lang ako agad kasi one of my supervisor threatened me regarding my job. Nagkamali daw sila dati ng input sa patient log sa total. Ending kinulang ng 30k.
Kinwento niya sakin kasi ako daw trusted niya. Sa pov ko siya po supervisor dapat siya magtake ng blame kasi siya rin nag input ng log.
Ang ginawa niya back then binlame niya co-employees para madamay lahat ending pinaghati-hatian daw nila yung 30k.
I have kutob na gagawin niya rin sakin yan. Kasi amongst all employees sinusugar coat niya ako palagi (lalaki po siya) na kesyo favorite niya ako kasi mabait daw, tahimik lang, chill, cool, etc. Tapos ang dalas pa niya magchat sakin kahit asawa niya kabranch niya lang din.
Do you have any job recomm na I can try? I cannot try BPO po kasi nawala confidence ko super nawala para akong natulala ng ilang araw hanggang sa di namalayan taon na pala. After my first job. I've been hiatus for almost a year. May tatanggap pa kaya sakin. :((

First off I’m (M37). I have a good job I show up to work every shift on time never late or have issues on that end. I have a spouse (F35) and 1 daughter (8) and step daughter (17). I am the only financial provider at the moment my spouse just got accepted to an esteem nursing program 2 years and she’ll be an RN I’m so happy for her. Life is good we go out and do things try to have a normal family life as possible. When it comes to money we always make ends meet and stiff have left over for fun on weekends. Well my dilemma is i have an online gambling problem. I just literally blew thru $350 the last few house before I went into work. I’m so mad at myself for letting myself get caught in that web. The last month I’ve lost $300 each week so I’m down total loss $1200 as of this moment. I been able to pay back my loses but I feel like shit knowing that money couldn’t gone to bills or my family. I’m a big boy I made the bets and taking my loses with grace but godamn it I hate this feeling. Anyways just wanted to vent and I also just deleted the app and any traces of the gambling websites. No more for me I just hope I don’t get pulled back into the gambling web. Amy advice I’d appreciate it!

I once too was in your shoes. Broken and lost from a love I thought was forever.
I was with my ex for 7 years. And through those 7 years there were many many good times, and there were many many bad times. They say that’s what relationships are about.
Though there is some truth to that, the real truth is often a bit darker.
My ex dealt with some really horrible things from his childhood. Loss of his parents and family lead to abuse of substance and although he was smart, charming and a good person, these traumas followed him through much of his life and ultimately.. our relationship.
I always thought that I would be the one to fix him. Heal him with how much I cared and loved him. That if I just guided him and provided him with a safe, happy, soft place to land that eventually things would turn around.
The truth is nobody can fix anyone who does not wish to put the effort in to fix themselves.
And through the ups and downs I eventually realized how much of myself I had truly lost. How putting him before myself was my own down fall. I missed out on so many things for myself because I was always too worried about him and what I could do to support him or be around for him just in case he needed me.
From the outside looking into our relationship, someone would probably see two young adults, with good jobs, a beautiful home and a bright future. One with marriage and children so shortly on the horizon.
I often found myself wishing for that, until I didn’t. Until he started talking about it often and I realized it was something that scared me more than it excited me. I realized that if I stayed, if I continued to put this person over myself, that I would never be truly happy and I would always regret what could have been.
Looking back the bad was really bad. The fighting, the yelling the crying and sometimes even the violence that would follow. We never communicated effectively even though I really do think we tried. He was volatile and I was timid. He would scream and I would shut down. We were in a cycle of hurt together that we just didn’t know how to even escape after the life we had built, a life that was so heavily intertwined.
Looking back I was very young and immature when we got together. I think that he saw me as a life vest and took the opportunity when I showed how caring I was of my friends and family. He wanted to be apart of that. And knowing his background I can’t blame him.
But I do blame him for the blame he laid on me at the end. I do resent him for it. After all I did to try to help…To prove how much I loved him over and over he still threw it in my face that it wasn’t enough. That I was giving up. On him. On us. That by me leaving I was damning him to a life of substance abuse and misery forever. Like because of me he would never again have the opportunity to get it together. When in my mind the reason I was leaving was for the Hope that maybe if the life vest was gone he would drown, hit rock bottom, and be forced to work to the surface of recovery on his own.
I’m not sure where he’s at with his recovery today. I hope, truly, that he’s better. I know how badly he needed that for himself.
Even after we broke up I hoped we would find each other again. My friends said if it was meant to be and he got it together that we would definitely work it out.
Instead we usually fought when we spoke. Feelings of anger and sadness would be dredged up for me every time. I’d go days without eating or showering after we’d communicate. So we went NC.
I found someone about 6 months after we broke up. Someone kind. Loving. Giving. Someone who takes care of my heart. I fought being with him because I was so determined that my ex was my person. That certainly was not the case the more and more I spent time with this new person. I felt like I had finally come home. I realized how much trauma I was holding onto, and he helped me let it go slowly. He helped heal me without even trying. Just by being him.
We’re now engaged and recently found out we’re expecting.
I’m not fully healed to this day from my previous relationship, but I think that maybe that’s okay. Maybe that’s what makes the one that’s meant for me that much greater of a love.
I poured all of myself into someone who couldn’t even meet me a quarter of the way let alone meet me half way.
I think because of that, I have a respect and gratitude for my future husband that I maybe wouldn’t have if I hadn’t loved and lost before him.
My ex is now dating someone I was once best friends with. I’m not upset with him about it… I’m more disappointed and wishing better for him honestly. She was someone who hurt me and always envied me openly even while we were friends. I don’t see her being a healthy person for him the way that my person is for me. I want him to find his reason to get sober and I think she may be the opposite of that, and it makes me sad. But it’s not longer my burden or responsibility to hold.
I was in such a dark place for such a long time. I thought pieces and parts of me that died would never come back. But they are.
I can’t wait to be a mom and a wife. I feel content and happy knowing it’s with my true person. I feel loved and valued, everyday. I don’t walk on egg shells or feel down anymore.
When me and my ex broke up I thought truly I’d just lost the love of my life.
If you feel that way rn pls know that you’re not alone, but find some comfort in the fact that your person would never leave you feeling how you do right now. I promise.
I know it’s hard to see the end of it when you’re in it. There is good coming. There is what’s best for you still out there. 🤍

Hello everyone! I wanted to write and share something constructive for this space, that hopefully goes beyond snarking specific names and personalities and helps those who have been harmed in one way or another find a bit of understanding around what happened to them and why.
I've shared pieces of my story here before but the gist is: I am not from the coaching world. I'm from the general spirituality world - from a spiritual modality that has an aspect of divine feminine and divine masculine that has always interested me, but few others in the community. I learned about this whole specific mess listening to love & light confessionals, and went deep into the rabbit hole. The perversion of understanding of masculine/feminine energy dynamics was horrifying but also enlightening. I'm big on learning how NOT to be from people who give me the major ick. This is why I've done a lot of deep diving in general on cults, gurus, and manipulative spirituality in general - and there's a lot to take away if you can go in with this mindset. I'm also hella autistic and love infiltrating niche internet subgroups whose experiences are much different than mine so I can - again - learn from the experieneces of others, and gain more empathy and understanding of the vast human experience.
I was a very forward facing person for the nonprofit I volunteered for for over 4 years. There was no "guru" that I supplicated, however there was a person formally in charge who abused their power and the willingness of others to help the organization, and was known to be cruel in private, when it suited them. I didn't see this person as above me - in fact in a lot of ways they were quite pitiful and needed a lot of help/support in their role - which is what I did, willingly and for practically free. At one point, the entire org sat down and did a call in of this person, however, they were able to push everyone that they couldn't control out of the way and rewrote the story with themselves as the victim (we all know this one). The final falling out happened at the end of 2019, so luckily for them Covid gave them some time to figure out how to run their events without me (they hired a paid staff).
Anyway, I gave many many hundreds of hours to this cause, and then the person in charge was able to take advantage of me and then push me out of the community I had served very seriously for 6 years with rumors that I had been trying to steal money. This is so far beyond the truth, and everyone involved directly knows this, but no one came to dispell the rumor. So, I've been heartbroken by supposedly "spiritual" leaders of a community, that's for sure. In fact listening to Katya was part of the cult deprogramming that me and a group who had left together went through (this group also used, abused, and betrayed me but that's another story!)
So, this isn't going to be about me, I just wanted to share my background. This is about what the divine feminine and the divine masculine "REALLY" are. This may get a bit woo in here but I can't imagine anyone here is afraid of woo. In fact it's the mystery of the spiritual experience that allows these people to cause so much harm. So let me try to remove some of that mystery.
The creation is polarized, in many ways. One of those ways is masculine/feminine. The masculine force is the will, the conscious mind, and that which puts the infinity of possible experience into order. It in and of itself is quite fallible. The feminine force is the subconscious mind - all that is - and the untapped potential of this reservoir. The masculine reaches for the feminine, and if the will (masculine) is properly configured, the unmanifest creation (feminine) will give him something in return. The masculine NEEDS the feminine but the feminine doesn't really NEED the masculine, however it does desire the masculine's attention being focused it its direction (instead of random mundane wordly experiences). And the feminine wants the masculine's attention consistently, lest the feminine will not be consistent at all in its response. This attention can be forceful or gentle, but it must be consistent.
Every human has a balance of masculine/feminine energy in them, and while women are socially conditioned to tend towards feminine expression and men towards masculine, biological sex really has very very little to do with it. There are of course, positive feminine expressions and negative, and positive male expressions and negative. What these polarity goons do is mostly focus on a mix of positive/negative masculine expression for the man, 0 female expression, and then only positive feminine expression for the woman with maybe, possibly, a bit of positive masculine expression (only during working hours when you're in seperate offices, and only if you're paying the bills, ofc)
Typically, we are attracted to partners who "balance" out our spiritual energy - so the "polarization" in a relationship can be anywhere from hyper masc/hyper femme to barely masc/barely femme - and again, this is NOT a hard and fast rule and has almost NOTHING to do with sex other than a general (mostly cultural) bias. The hyper femme/hyper masc scenario can definitely be more, well, exciting and dramatic than a relationship between two people who have very little polarized charge in that way between them. But that's likely why few of these polarity gurus have any experience in longevity of relationships - they are fueling their "twin flame" relationship with manufactured drama and trauma bonding. In reality, in a relationship, you are supposed to grow together and be more willing to meet each other where you are at in the moment, instead of demanding they be a near perfect idealized form before you offer them any attention/respect.
The reason these male teachers push polarity doctrine is literally because of their own wounding of the expression of the masculine/feminine. Men (especially USian men) have been taught that expressing any aspect of their feminine selves is repulsive and weak and probably gay. So, their solution to their own inability to be vulnerable is to attack women - for being "too masculine" - aka some balanced expression of both, normal! They want their women to be 100% pure unformed childlike energy with no will of their own, just a will that can be given to the man. They want them to embody this feminine space as close to 100% of the time so that they are forced into their masculine 100% of the time. Girlies, if you are in your masculine, this makes them feel more in their feminine and - gosh that's just icky and disgusting. You don't want your man to get a boner for you when you're in the masculine - that might make him GAY! In the very least it's totally beta to be attracted to a masculine woman and basically gay anyway. No thanks!
I'm sorry to be facetious, but this is in general a lot of the subconscious and even sometimes conscious thought processes behind these hyper polarity relationships. These are not evolved, embodied people. These are people who are still very invested in the old fashioned human status quo that has served them for a long time. We had the thread a few weeks back with the Desire on Fire lady (ugh her name escapes me) talking about how her husband had to "put her in her place" for being "too masculine" and how he really just "didnt want her" when she was in her masculine, when she was literally just running her business. Masculine wounding almost ALWAYS shows up as men being jealous of women being better at them in their own field - or really successful publicly at all - and this is why women STILL have a hard time breaking into male dominated spaces. We are systemically kept out because men die inside when they feel inferior to women. They were told this wasn't supposed to happen!!!! In fact, the person who spiritually abused me was a man - I see now how he "kept" me as a pet because of my high standing in the community. But this meant I was still firmly below him in certain ways - a much more comfortable place for me to be, someone who challenged him on his "expertise".
This polarity movement is taking a true spiritual concept and distorting it just to set women back. They don't want you to have an opinion or agency - other than "me want money" and "me want sex". They want you to play on Instagram all day and recruit ladies for them to sexually assault at your joint "retreats". They want you to only feel valued if you're made up and dressed up and "desired" by men. None of this internalized self worth stuff, only external male validation is allowed. Ladies, if any of you reading this are with some sort of this type of man, please, I beg you, choose the bear. This is the type of man who leaves you as soon as your body culminates too many signs of being aged. They are entitlted to a specific cartoon image of what they think a "woman" is, and sadly this culture has made young women INCREDIBLY easy to manipulate, so finding another partner is often quite easy for older men. It's all by design.
Here's another spiritual truth that is often obscured: One of the polarities of divinity is the left hand path and the right hand path. The left hand path is the path of control, wealth, using others, egocentrism, etc. The right hand path is about acceptance, generosity, helping others, and sacrifice. The middle path is a path with little to no power - it's the path of comfort, the path most people are on.
When one walks the middle path - i.e. has not really begun to truly develop their spiritual side - they do not yet have spiritual discernment. What happens when they come across someone who has been using spiritual principles to "build their wealth/power" is that they see someone with a spiritual light - and this isn't super common on social media. When we're hungry for it, we're like a moth to the flame. That's why they always know they'll be another mark. The problem then is when we don't have discernment, we cannot tell which "hand" the light is coming from, and often it's very easy to confuse the left hand for the right and vice versa. For instance, I am giving up a large part of my day to write this purely to help others in this community - Carly or MAL or someone might stumble upon this and see it as "evil". But that's because they see the light, but to them it's against their light, so I'm the evil one. But all I'm trying to offer is freedom of mind, and they're mad because they want your bag, and this is dependent on you being confused and them keeping a crumb of clarity behind a paywall. 💰
Now, some of these girlies are walking the "left hand path" a lot better than the others. I dont know many coaches beyond those talked about here, but I would say someone like MAL has a pretty firm grasp on who she is - a scam artist, a liar, and a user. She's always making up stories and whatnot - she's a pathological liar. She will do anything to get her way. This is pretty serious when you've been behaving this way for years and years. Her image is very rigid and polished, and despite showing up unprepared and offering word salad to her paying persons, her "outer circle" (social media feed etc) is much more curated than most of the other coaches I've seen. She's at the top of the pyramid so she has a huge amount of control and influence. If she cracks someday, we'll see it, and usually people struggle to return to the top once they falter. I'm sure she's already showing some signs of paranoia, which is the first sign a high control person is starting to become unhinged.
Then there are the messier girlies, like Carly, and Karen who has recently been more thoroughly exposed here. These ladies show up very vulnerable to social media, and often are struggling with illness - as someone has said here before, Carly's early coaching gigs were about health and dealing with chronic illness, until she realized that space wasn't sexy or profitable. I'm not saying this is the root of all illness, but transient illness can be a sign of a spiritual mismatch in intentions/action - especially with these people who claim to be "healers" or adjacent to that space. You have to walk your talk, or your body begins to show your hypocrisy. There is a part of these ladies who feel they are truly "helping the planet" and get confused internally when the reaction of their "offers" isn't for people to fall down at their feet worshipping them. This is why they say stuff like "wealth is a mindset!" and other magical thinking - most of them have lived privileged lives and have never been "out" of abundance. They think their "luck" is a carefully curated vibration that they can rub off on others. And like, while I believe that being in the vibrations of someone who is more spiritually mature can help "elevate" someone - these people are playing with spiritual practices and, while seeing some results, truly have no clue what they are talking about and dealing with. People who truly understand manifestation, whether left or right hand, are not busting their ass all day on Instagram trying to recruit lukewarm clients for peanuts. Carly tries SO HARD to sell that all of her work is "easy" and she can "take a walk in the middle of the day!" and not work while she's bleeding and whatnot. But girl, you're hustling and thirsty all over Insta all day every day - this is not abundance, this is not wealth and gratitude, it's giving "big empty black hole in my soul that will never be filled except with more money" energy, babe.
Then there are the girlies like xogingy and The Content Queen whose whole brand seems to be just being a mess all over the place. This sells because it makes people think "well I'm messy maybe I can be messy and rich/successful" but the mess for these girls is much more embraced and embodied than with the prim types like Carly and Karen, who want to be pure luxe and sexy and divine feminine perfection. But the luxe and sexy types are really doing the recruiting for their sexual in-person retreats (or clothing optional zooms) because they're just mega horny all the time (which - btw - is another sign of spiritual imbalance)
And that's the thing - being horny all of the time means your energy body is JACKED. It's not a sign of a free flow of creative energy to crave sex all of the time. Of course a major aspect of this is the sexual magic - yes, there is magic in sex, and I think it's where these folks get most of their magic, because they follow left hand sexual magic practice exclusively (control BDSM). They do play rapes (and borderline real rapes and, in some cases, actual real rapes on their clients/partners), orgasm denial, humiliation, pain rituals - all stuff that truly, objectively, isn't good for the soul. And notice how it's almost always one sided - the male being in total control of the female - though, Carly's substack did have a story about how they did a "role reversal" where she raped/humiliated him and that was um, something I read. 😳 But generally it's the women's job to always be turned on and "dripping wet" and whatnot, so that when her masculine partner gets a boner she's ready for him to slide it in. And then that's always the best sex, the sex that you "surrender" to.... On the contrary, sex between "right hand" practitioners tends to leave both partners feeling quite satisfied and sated - heck, even if only one happens to orgasm! Whereas control oriented sex often has orgasm denial which intentionally leaves the person craving more.
All this is to say, no one should feel guilty for being duped, or conned, or confused, even still. Almost all of these people have weaponized spiritual concepts in some ways and are wielding them with the intention to separate you from your money. They actually do have something that works. But they will NEVER sell you the whole story. And the fact is, this experience likely did happen to you because your soul was aching for some sort of uplevel - or initiation. It's just that initiation rarely looks like getting what we want. MAL et al makes it look like initiation is giving a rich lady 5 figures, popping a bottle of champagne, and roleplaying as that rich lady to which you just gave all that money (or at least, roleplaying as her social media feed). But if you're truly in it for the soul, your experience is going to help you uncover your soul. And part of uncovering our souls at this point in time seems to be having some serious spiritual trauma. And I know some people here probably only did this as "playing around" and not serious and unfortunately, playing with spirituality can be can be dangerous in and of itself. These is not to victim blame at all. It just is the nature of the spiritual path that it may growl and bite at you to test your growth. It's not just a sexy pleasure party 24/7, unless you want to step on a LOT of people to get there.
Anyway, this is very long and I'm not sure it's going to even fit into a reddit post at this point. But I just wanted to share some of the spiritual insights I've had over the years (been on my spiritual journey for over a decade at this point). I don't know it all, but I do know that I live with a general peace of mind that I wish I could sell in a coaching package or voxer group. But I can't/won't do that. So I'll keep to my lifelong duty of making longwinded, mega autistic posts on internet forums that might help a few people orient to a less painful or confused frame of mind, free of charge.
But on that note, before I finish, I'll offer my general spiritual advice: Firstly, take a short time every day to do some sort of sitting/meditation. Learning how to quiet the mind is a skill, and it's the first skill required to learn discernment. Once we can quiet the mind, we can start to learn which thoughts are our own and which thoughts we have absorbed from others - and if you haven't begun this process yet, you may be surprised to find out that the vast majority of your thoughts are actually just society, family, teachers, social media, advertising, etc etc, repeating in your mind and taking up valuable real estate. This is the real hurdle to "manifestation" - clearing away all the false desires that get in the way of our true desires. Subsequently, learning about chakras and tuning into my energy body has also given me a good base for insight and clarity that comes from within my own body.
Secondly, just try to think of others before yourself more often than not. Don't justify manipulating people for your own benefit. Oneness means you treat others how you want to be treated - in a gentle, and nurturing way. When we harm others, especially from a spiritual place, we perpetuate harm, and therefore accept that potential harmful treatment of ourselves. Treating others sincerely with reverence and respect, and setting boundaries so that we don't allow people to treat us with disrespect, is how we generate a reality that treats us with reverence and respect by default. A lot easier said than done, but it is possible.
Love and light to you all.

I've had some experience in making suits, and I'm now thinking about trying my hand at a big, heavily padded otter, a "plushsuit." Here's an example of what I'm thinking about by @/Plush_army on twitter, and here's another. There are a few big questions I'm trying to work through in planning it:

1. How to structure the padding? Many plush suits seem to basically be an outer fur layer and an inner liner, between which is placed a great deal of polyfil. The question is, how to structure this, as an unsecured inner lining and undivided stuffing seem like they would lack structure. The arms, too, I wish to pad, but that seems difficult. The fitting of the inner liner is also a question
2. How to pattern a big suit without using obscene amounts of foam? My experience in padding entails patterning using carved foam, and that runs into an issue of simple scale here.
3. What material would be best for lining a fursuit? I've found spandex linings to be troublesome because it's stretchy and thin, making it hard to put on, but other materials seem very hot.
4. I'm also considering a zip-on head; any advice for that?

Any inputs would be greatly appreciated! Once I get down a solid plan I intend to start work on this suit.

For a little back ground I've been married for 10 years and a few years ago we had something horrific happen in our family and me and my husband both did not cope well at all. We both (mainly me) handled it incredibly badly and our relationship started to break down. Also on mobile and really need to vent so sorry if format is weird and I'm all over the place. Sorry this is long
During this time I got a new job and I loved it and loved my colleagues and made some great friends. During this time "Nice guy" and I started a friendship and I felt comfortable enough talking about my marriage problems. At the time I thought he was just being supportive and not aware of other motives. Eventually "Nice guy" convinced me to cheat on my husband and be with him obviously my husband found out and we took a break.
During this time I started dating "Nice guy" and after a few months I realised I didn't want to be with him, there was no attraction and I found out I hated more about him than I liked and some of it is disgusting such as littering, spitting and the one that really irked me (because I used to work in a fast food chain) was leaving the table a riot because its the workers job to clean it. Anyways During this time I was still in contact with my husband as we had to be due to the family situation and had to know about legal matters.
So I dated "Nice guy" about 6 months maybe less as I had personal things going on as well as mot being attracted and not liking his behaviours. So I broke it off and tried to let him down nicely as possible but unfortunately he mistook this as a "break". Never once did I say break I said finished. I removed his number and didn't have social media at the time apart from reddit and removed him from whatsapp.
During the time we were together my best friend who moved to the otherside of the country so he has never met her added him on Facebook just being curious they never really spoke before this.i just also want to add I'm when I broke it off I got the full shebang of "I don't understand I'm a nice guy" "why would you throw away the one person who ever truly loved you" (lol I've had previous partners and got friends and family that love me) and we can't forget the "I can change."
Anyway I get radio silence for a about a month I get a message on freaking goodreads asking me to contact him because he misses me. I just ignore and delete I've got my own stuff going on and I've really only new him the 9 months I had the job. Next day I get a text saying new number and same misses me. I didn't want to deal with it so I just reply pretending to be someone else and just say they have the wrong number.
Then I get another text the next day and says oh hi OP this is random initial not his. So I have a friend who starts with this initial and she was the last person I had gone out with on a night out she has never had my number ever and wouldn't be able to get it as no one in that friends group have my number and also we weren't super close we would talk now and again. So I say the same thing wrong number and block the number.
Now back to my best friend who lives on the otherside of the country basically he has never met her, never spoke to her until a few weeks ago says he's just wanting to make sure I'm okay my friend replies dryly she's fine. Now to finally get to the title my friend has replied to one message being dry but over the course of the week has sent 16 messages to her which doesn't seem like a lot. I would post but I don't know how to edit the video she sent to protect her name. But these aren't like one word messages these are pages long about how much he misses me and loves me she didn't even open the messages. She accidentally only opened it today and showed me.
Also after I broke it off I left my job due to more illness related than anything else but he was also apart of it and I hate that. I've also still got my work badge that I haven't handed back because I do not want a conversation with him.
Me and my husband and currently going to couples therapy and have talked about everything and trying to fix our marriage my best friend isn't aware of this yet as we've only started the process and don't want People involved yet which is why she hasn't told "Nice guy". I am also very convinced that if he new my address he would turn up. But yeah 16 messages doesn't seem a lot but when there pages long and over a short span of time.
I also don't think she's blocked and deleted him because she tends to just ignore Facebook and let people delete her and she just ignores the messages anyways.
Oh I also wanted to add he admitted to people he was proud that he broke up marriages as his ex was also married. At this point I'm just waiting for a message on some weird app again or another new number. He doesn't know or understand what reddit is so he won't message here but he would know clearly its about him and I would love to just name and shame him.
Sorry its long just had to rant

I'm glad I found this sub because it's apparently the only place where I can vent about this.
So where do I even start, first we had a cat for about almost 3 years(few months short) and it was a disaster, it was fine for a few months but then later it started and kept destroying/ruining stuff: decorations, drawings of my younger brothers, scratching furniture, yowling every night, leaving hair everywhere to the point that it was impossible to remove it completely for months, biting cables of phone chargers, scratching us from time to time for no reason etc. Then we had to go to the vacation in our home country for a few months or a year but couldn't bring the cat because it didn't have a permission or whatever for us to take it to airplane and it would take months to get it, so we left it in shelter with one colleague to look after it.
Then the crazy stuff really begins... As soon as we came back from the vacation, there was this cat in front of the door in the building every day and she kept feeding it, later it turns out it was pregnant and had a litter, mother decides to take in the small kitten with no hesitation which ends up in it shitting all over the house one time when we went outside. I'm talking all over the floor, couch etc... Which angers the mother a bit but guess what she forgives it hours later like nothing happened, then after a bit more time it turns on it had worms in it's poop since surprise: taking a random cat from street which had no checking with the vet or anything can be problematic. She finally agrees to take it outside and let it on streets where it was later taken by some people. Also not to mention how she defends literally anything cats do including destroying wildlife but at the same time says that she is some animal lover.
This is the part where I would like to say that it all ended here, but it didn't...
We once again vent to vacation to our home country next summer and when we returned we went to another place(we have to move a bit for now because of a job of our father, it's temporary thankfully) and this place is a nightmare: whole litter of stray cats in the streets around and literally almost the same situation happened as last time: there was a pregnant cat in front door, mother starts feeding it and makes a litter of 4 of them in total, neighbors can't take it anymore and decide to kick them out and she moves them on the roof. There was multiple attempts of neighbors to kick them out and show them that they are unwelcome here, but to no avail since she made the roof their playground. One neighbor decides to admittedly overreact and literally pushes the cat from the roof and it falls on parked van leaving the 3 kittens up, it survives because it's a cat and runs away, obviously I don't support this act and never would, but the neighbors are so fed up on it that it was only a matter of time before someone would snap. AND THEN, mother takes the 3 kittens IN THE HOUSE immediately and tells the father to call the vet and shelter in order for them to be given for adoption, but until then she will look after them on the balcony. After some time, this cat returns but is hurt and recovers slowly, mother finally takes them out of the house few days later and returns them to the same spot on the roof. Still weeks later no sign of vet calling because it takes time to find people to adopt them.
Now she keeps going to them every single day and spending hours with them, she spends more time daily with random stray cats than with us in home! Few weeks later random stray kitten from the litter in streets gets hurt and she immediately takes it in to nurse it and allows it to sleep in bed, 2 days later she returns it. And now she is absolutely baffled and furious because the neighborhood doesn't give a single shit about stray litters on streets. She just goes around on and on and on about how neighbors are assholes and bad yada yada(except 3 of them who also feed them) because they don't feed stray hordes on streets like this is an animal shelter and not the place where people live and was talking shit about one woman because she saw her being scared to pass because of one cat and swatted it (she most probably has a phobia) and said that ''she was overreacting like it's a dinosaur''. There aren't any foxes, coyotes or birds of prey here so they are free to run amok everywhere and unfortunately the animal control here is very bad unless it's about something bigger.
And now here we are, she goes on the roof every day to spend time with litter she made and observes them like they're animals of Savannah or apes, as soon as she hears some cat meowing or yowling outside, she rushes to find it to feed it, goes in and out of the home like 50 times a day because of it, spends a lot of money on cat food etc. Thankfully we're here not for long more and we'll hopefully soon settle down on the place where we were before father had to start travelling because of job and be free from this because there strays actually aren't that much present and few that it had aren't allowed in or near the building thankfully.

I (35f) married my husband (42m) in 2010. We we’re soul mates. We we’re perfect for each other. My husband was very successful, but he liked to use drugs recreationally occasionally. I didn’t mind back then until we had our daughter (now 10). Then I slowly started to nag about it to the point he would attempt to hide it. But after so many years together I could definitely tell when he was high on something. It still wasn’t that big of an issue until covid. We went through a lot during covid. First his grandfather (who raised him) passed from covid. This sent his grandmother (also raised him) into severe dementia, needing full care. Then his best friend was murdered, shot in the back twice. Finally I was facing a breast cancer scare (luckily it wasn’t and I’m fine now). With all this happening in a two year span, he turned to drugs pretty regularly to escape his feelings. I had to deal with the aftermath of it all. The mood swings, the violence afterwards, taking care of our daughter full time, the embarrassment from friends and family, etc. These losses took a toll on me as well but I had to keep everyone moving forward in life. He would never admit he had a problem and continued to hide and lie to me about using. I couldn’t get him to any rehab with him denying it all the time. Eventually I told him I wanted a divorce. This was devastating to him and he began using drugs even more. Daily at this point. He lost his job, lost his reputation and essentially lost his family (me and our daughter). His image has changed dramatically. He’s skinny, has open sores and scars all over his body now. Patches of hair that won’t grow back.
I’ve waited 4 years to actually file the paperwork. We’ve stayed in touch and he sees his child sometimes but not often. I waited for him to clean up and get his life back together. We never tried counseling, and he did suggest it long after we were separated. But he was still using AND he started having girlfriends live with him. So I declined council. Was I wrong for that?
Anyway I finally filed the paperwork and have a lawyer. I’ve given him the papers and he cried and cried, still wanting to be together. 4 years. He’s shown little improvement and has lost everything. Of course I’ll always love him. But it’s as if the person I married is gone. He’ll never be that same man again. I’ve accepted this. AITA for going through with this?

Idk I didn’t think I could not like this girl anymore. It’s just so unauthentic. Can’t even say mom but knows all these other words but there’s no vids of her trying to actively teach him these words and u know if she did she would be recording it showing the camera in his face. You see Jacob and c teaching words and repeating them … just to take credit. I fear for Grayson learning. I can’t see her whipping out books or little letters or sitting there trying to teach him anything. Like does she even read to him?! She just makes videos w him on her couch and she’s the “best mom ever” she’s going to be too busy bcus she has to remember “her life didn’t end when she became a mom and she can still have fun” none of her 23 year old friends r going to want to sit there while she has to teach him stuff bcus their 23 year old single people which makes sense … she’s just honestly such a bad mom. And just using him for content is so sad bcus all these other lost people just gas jer or they talk ab thier own random children stories like she gives af … I promise u she doesn’t she only care ab herself cnot even her kid like does anyone remember how she left him a day or two early w c a women she hates while he was sick and had to go to the hospital to go f maysen on spring break. She didn’t even look stressed on the trip just jumping on top of him and showing off her botched boob job. And she can’t even change his diapers I saw a baby the other day w a full diaper and it was so horrible and it’s just weird how people think it’s normal… no u go change ur baby right away! There is literally no excuses ..none!

Hi, I work at a resell store. I have for a few years now and steadily get employee of the month. The manager has even admitted I’m better than organizing than him. I love the store and do my best to keep it tidy as well as keep customers as happy as I can. One person that was hired a couple of years ago was not a great worker. He was rude to most customers, and often did not work to the extent that was needed as an employee. The customers that liked him, loved him. But it got to the point that many customers would start to all together avoid the store if he was working, that how off putting the experience was. People would call first to see if he was there. Or peek their head in them back out if they saw him. It didn’t seem like he was intentionally being rude usually, but obviously the stress from the job made him buckle easily and unfortunately, near constantly. When he was finally fired, he was at the store for so long that most of our small town had heard of how bad of a worker he is at this point. So it is my understanding that he was or may even still be having a hard time finding another job. Now, for some reason, both this ex worker and a friend of his that used to be a regular at the store, are either lying about or actually have the impression that it is solely me who got him fired, and that I just have this personal vendetta against him. I stand by saying that he is not a good worker, and was often openly bigoted, and rude to many customers as well as employees. I do not know him personally and do not have a personal vendetta. The only thing I have against him is that he is now trying to go to other locations of our stores and try to get me banned through them. They are also stopping people I know outside of the store at other places to check if i’m still working there and telling them that I must be higher up than a manager secretly, that am a loose cannon and to not be trusted. There are new customers coming to the store quietly cursing me out because they are newer friends of theirs and they have heard made up stories about me. I am not sure what I can do about this legally, if anything at all. It is hard enough to explain situations as is because im autistic and don’t do well with social interactions. That being said, I always greet customers, help them when wanted/needed, and do everything that makes an employee a good one. They are telling other people that I am rude and a bad worker now. I do plan to keep this job as long as possible, but if I ever do try to get another job I’m afraid their lies will have found their way to other companies to the point that I won’t get hired, similar to his situation, like an eye for an eye sort of thing.. my company itself says that they will back me up in terms of the store. If they don’t stop saying things at our actual locations they will be banned. But they are mostly going to stores of ours that don’t even know me, as well as obviously telling the town we’re actually in that I am this terrible monster. I am wondering how much of this is legal or what I can do about it. Thank you to anyone who reads this, I apologize for the length… and for a bit of vagueness… because as dedicated as they are currently, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were to find this post.

It’s starting to get hot where I live and I’m dying in my mycozy bras from Amazon. Does anyone know of a bra that is actually comfortable and not too hot? I am like a 36 b or c. Also, when do we stop leaking breast milk? I’m so tired of nursing pads. Any recommendation for those would also be very welcome. Thank you!

I (20M) want to immerse myself in a Spanish-speaking environment because I've been learning Spanish for two years and want a chance to use it all day every day for a time period because it's fun and because I want to get closer to fluency. I chose Costa Rica because I want to try fresh tropical fruit and because it's the safest in Latin America.
I've been in college for the past year and a half but I've realized computer science is probably not for me and I don't want to keep spending money on a degree that I probably won't ever use. I know it is probably not the best decision economically because I could live with my parents and work for the three months instead but I feel like I need to live by myself for the first time and spend some time in a place besides my home city.
I just don't know what I would do because I wouldn't be able to work. I have enough savings to live there for more than 3 months and for a plane ticket there and back but I don't want to be sitting in my apartment or hotel for 3 months while other people are at work.
I heard that there are a lot of volunteers there which I think would be a great idea but I don't want to be stuck with a bunch of foreign volunteers and end up speaking English for most of the trip. If I could find a place that is guaranteed to be mostly Spanish speakers that don't want to converse in English and meets often enough that it could replace a job I would be happy to do that.
I could also just explore the whole country and go sightseeing but I'm not super into that and while it might be fun at first it would get boring very quickly especially because I would be alone. I also want to try to make some friends while I'm there (if possible) and traveling throughout the entire country would probably make it harder.
Does anyone have any ideas? I also heard that there is a gentrification problem in CR and I was wondering how to avoid accidentally contributing to that.

Good evening USAJOB fam! So I'm looking to break into the fed side of things, and I'm just looking for some advice. I have been in Healthcare for the past 10+ years, starting as an Admin Assistant to some C-Suite exec's, but after 4yrs of that I switched over to the IT side. I started at the Children's Hospital where I spearheaded a Patient Technology Program, utilizing various forms of innovative tech (Gaming, AVMR, etc.) as distraction tools for the sick kiddos that were in the hospital. Did that for 3yrs, then moved over to IS Desktop Support for about 2 years, before eventually getting promoted to Application Analyst, which I've done for the past 2 years. I have my Associates and about halfway through my Bachelors, but I don't have any certs or anything. A fed friend of mine said I should be looking at GS13 jobs, but most of them require lots of experience, education, and certs. Am I looking in the wrong spot with these 2210 jobs, or is there just a lack of anything I'm qualified for right now? I saw some GS12 spots, but I'd have to take a decent pay cut to accept one of those, and with my wife being a SAHM to our 7 month old, I'd really need to keep my pay around where it's at. Any advice for a first timer would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!

Why Stay Updated on Amazon FBA Policies?

Compliance and Avoiding Penalties

Amazon, as one of the largest e-commerce platforms globally, operates under stringent policies and regulations. Non-compliance can result in penalties ranging from account suspension to permanent bans. Staying updated on Amazon FBA policies helps sellers adhere to guidelines, reducing the risk of penalties and maintaining a healthy seller account.

Maximizing Opportunities

Understanding and adapting to policy changes can provide a competitive edge. By staying informed, sellers can capitalize on new features, programs, or trends introduced by Amazon. This proactive approach enables sellers to optimize their strategies, enhance product visibility, and ultimately increase sales.

How to Stay Updated on Amazon FBA Policies and Regulations

1. Subscribe to Official Amazon Seller Communication Channels

Amazon regularly communicates policy updates and changes through official channels such as Seller Central, Seller Forums, and email newsletters. Subscribing to these channels ensures direct access to the latest information from Amazon itself.

2. Join Seller Communities and Forums

Engaging with fellow sellers in online communities and forums provides valuable insights and real-time updates on Amazon policies. Platforms like Reddit's FulfillmentByAmazon and Facebook groups dedicated to Amazon sellers facilitate discussions, knowledge sharing, and peer support.

3. Follow Industry Experts and Blogs

Leading industry experts and influencers often dissect Amazon's policy changes, offering analysis and interpretation. Following authoritative blogs, podcasts, and social media accounts specializing in e-commerce and Amazon FBA can provide nuanced perspectives and actionable advice.

4. Attend Webinars and Workshops

Webinars and workshops hosted by e-commerce professionals and organizations offer educational resources on navigating Amazon's ever-changing landscape. These sessions delve into specific policy updates, compliance strategies, and best practices tailored to Amazon sellers.

5. Utilize Amazon's Help Documentation

Amazon provides comprehensive help documentation and support resources covering various aspects of selling on their platform. Regularly consulting these resources, including the Seller University and Policy Help pages, ensures access to official guidelines and clarifications.

6. Hire Professional Services

For sellers seeking personalized guidance and support, hiring professional services specializing in Amazon FBA can be beneficial. Consultants, legal experts, and account managers offer tailored solutions, ensuring compliance with Amazon's policies while optimizing business performance.
Utilize Amazon Seller Tools
Helium 10 offers a comprehensive suite of tools designed to assist Amazon sellers in various aspects of their business, including staying updated on changes to Amazon FBA policies and regulations. With its powerful features and intuitive interface, it simplifies the process of monitoring and adapting to policy updates, ensuring sellers remain compliant and competitive in the ever-evolving e-commerce landscape.
One of the key features is its Policy Alerts tool. This tool allows sellers to set up customized alerts for specific policy changes or updates relevant to their business. By configuring alerts based on keywords or categories, sellers can receive real-time notifications whenever there is a policy modification or announcement on Amazon. This proactive approach enables sellers to stay ahead of the curve and take immediate action to adjust their strategies or operations accordingly.
Policy Checker is a tool that provides a comprehensive overview of Amazon's current policies and guidelines. Sellers can easily access up-to-date information on various topics, including product listing requirements, prohibited activities, and seller performance metrics. This centralized resource helps sellers ensure compliance with Amazon's policies while streamlining their workflow.
The Training and Education resources offer valuable insights into navigating Amazon's complex ecosystem. Through webinars, tutorials, and educational content, sellers can deepen their understanding of FBA policies and regulations, empowering them to make informed decisions and optimize their selling strategies.
Overall, H10 serves as an indispensable Amazon tool for sellers seeking to stay updated on changes to FBA policies and regulations. With its innovative features, comprehensive resources, and proactive alerts, the software equips sellers with the knowledge and tools needed to thrive in the competitive e-commerce landscape.

Conclusion

Staying updated on Amazon FBA policies and regulations is essential for sellers aiming to thrive in the competitive e-commerce landscape. By proactively seeking information through official channels, online communities, industry experts, educational resources, and professional services, sellers can navigate policy changes effectively, mitigate risks, and capitalize on opportunities for growth.
Helium 10 - 20% OFF Discount (Limited Time)
An all-in-one Amazon seller tool to easily find, list, and sell 10K+/month products! Disclosure: I get a small kickback if you click through - Thanks for reading! DM if you have any questions :)

Hi everyone,
I’m reaching out for advice on a difficult situation involving my family. When I was 16, my father tragically died in an accident, leaving behind a compensation amount of 40 lakhs for our family. At that time, my mother was overwhelmed with grief and the responsibility of taking care of me and she was mentally disturbed ascribed to sudden tragic death of my father. During this vulnerable period, my two elder brothers took advantage of the situation. They took all the compensation money behind my mother's back and left us, abandoning their responsibilities towards the family.
Now, I am 21(Indian M) years old, and my mother and I are struggling to make ends meet. The betrayal and abandonment by my brothers have left us in a difficult financial situation, and I feel a strong need to recover my rightful share of the compensation. This money was meant for our family's welfare, and I believe it's only fair that it is used for its intended purpose.
I am looking for advice on the best legal steps to take in order to reclaim our share of the compensation. I’ve never dealt with legal matters before, so I’m unsure where to start. Should I be looking at a property dispute case, a partition suit, or some other legal avenue? Any insights on how to proceed, or experiences from those who have faced similar situations, would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you in advance for your help.

Hi everyone,
I’m reaching out for advice on a difficult situation involving my family. When I was 16, my father tragically died in an accident, leaving behind a compensation amount of 40 lakhs for our family. At that time, my mother was overwhelmed with grief and the responsibility of taking care of me and she was mentally disturbed ascribed to sudden tragic death of my father. During this vulnerable period, my two elder brothers took advantage of the situation. They took all the compensation money behind my mother's back and left us, abandoning their responsibilities towards the family.
Now, I am 21 years old, and my mother and I are struggling to make ends meet. The betrayal and abandonment by my brothers have left us in a difficult financial situation, and I feel a strong need to recover my rightful share of the compensation. This money was meant for our family's welfare, and I believe it's only fair that it is used for its intended purpose.
I am looking for advice on the best legal steps to take in order to reclaim our share of the compensation. I’ve never dealt with legal matters before, so I’m unsure where to start. Should I be looking at a property dispute case, a partition suit, or some other legal avenue? Any insights on how to proceed, or experiences from those who have faced similar situations, would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you in advance for your help.

I am a first time mom with a 6 week old baby who is exclusively breastfeeding. My husband and I are immigrants, so we don't have any family support in the country we are currently residing in, so when we found out I was pregnant, I asked my mum if she would be able to come help us with the house and baby for a couple months. She agreed and she is now currently staying with us until the end of June to help out.
Since the arrival of our little girl, I have been trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel. Every day seems like a struggle that I don't even know where to begin articulating my thoughts.
I am currently struggling with mastitis and vasospasms. It hurts so much to breastfeed, and it really doesn't help that baby's latch is not the best. We always try to get a good initial latch, then she starts wiggling and turning her head from side to side, pulling my nipples and sliding off the big mouthful of breast. And when I try to break off the latch and relatch her, she screams and cries. Honestly, breastfeeding has taken a lot of my emotional and physical toll and constantly feel like I am a terrible mother because I can't seem to figure out breastfeeding.
At the peak of my mastitis, I was crying every time she would latch on. My husband and mum doesn't seem to understand the pain that I am in. My husband would be dismissive about the pain - at one of my crying/nursing sessions, he made the comment "how can this be more painful than childbirth? surely if you could go through pushing her out, this can't be as painful". My mum isn't much help with this either. She would constantly give me unsolicited advice that is counterproductive of actually helping my mastitis. She would tell me to "keep pumping until the mastitis clogs come out" and "stop nursing on that side if it hurts so much". I know that she has good intentions because she doesn't want to see me in pain, but after telling her time and time again that her advice is unwanted and unhelpful, she continues to make little remarks like this that I would just hide away in a room to nurse baby so no one could make comments about my pain or crying. This has left me feeling lonely and misunderstood.
It also doesn't help that my husband and mum don't get along very well. I am not expecting them to be the best of friends or anything like that, but I honestly thought the two of them would at least empathize and keep it together instead of putting me in the middle of all the time. My husband thinks that my mum is constantly obsessing over baby - she would run to our room every time she hears her cry and hold her and soothe her until baby is asleep. She is always holding her and very hesitant to pass her to my husband because she thinks that he isn't doing the "right things" to help soothe baby. When I confront my mum about this, she goes on about how my husband is doing things wrong when soothing the baby and how he doesn't know how to take care of baby properly.
The two of them even butt heads at things completely unrelated about baby - one perfect example is cooking dinner. My husband eats a lot as he doesn't eat much during work, so when he comes home from work, he would eat a massive dinner and then some. My mum would help us cook dinner as I am usually nursing or having a nap when she's cooking. My husband would say that she's not cooking enough or she doesn't know how to cook for a family (she's been a single mom since I was around 5 years old). When I pass this comment on to my mum, she would then say that if she cooked too much, food would go to waste if we didn't finish it all and she also said that she could see in my husband's face that he didn't like her cooking so she's not very motivated to cook for us anymore. So now I am put in a position where I have to cut down on my nap and cook for the family right after nursing baby. This leaves me extra tired in during the night feeds, and I would find myself sleeping in during the day - which then pisses my husband off because I am not awake to eat breakfast with him in the morning. When I explain to him that I'm tired because I don't get to nap as much during the day as I am now cooking dinner for the family, he retaliated by saying "isn't this why your mum is here? to help us with things like this?"
The cherry on top of this disaster sundae is that when baby is inconsolably crying, both my mum and husband would immediately turn to me and ask "what's wrong with her? why is she crying?" like I'm supposed to be some magical baby translator. This question really pisses me off. Why can't they try and figure out why she's crying themselves? And almost 90% of the time both my husband and mum would put the baby in my arms and tell me she's hungry when she literally just had a big feed. No. She's not hungry, she's tired. And the both of you have kept her up for too long and she's now cranky. She'll suckle on my painful, sore nipples for comfort and then fall asleep.
I honestly don't even know how to continue like this. I have tried talking to both my husband and mum but they seem to be very set in their own ways. My husband refuses to talk it out with my mum as he thinks he might lose his temper, and my mum is too passive and a pushover to actually say anything to him.
I am at my wit's end. Please help me navigate this.