Fake obama birth certificate joke

I know the title is long, but im not sure how else to place it. I, transmale 15 and my boyfriend, m15 have been dating for almost 6 months. this is major to me, considering I never ever date because of previous history. My ex-girlfriend, F15 and I broke up on good terms. Me and her were better off as friends, and we agreed to stay friends. but ever since I got with my boyfriend, let's call him Jake (fake name,) she's been acting like a prick.
my ex, we'll call her Emma, has been standoff-ish and not answering my texts anymore. I wanted her and Jake to get along, since I wanted my friends to be close to him since he didn't really have any other friends and I didn't want him to be alone.
So they got close, but Emma and Jake had gotten too close for comfort. Emma started telling me about Jake, even going as far as making a "joke" that my boyfriend was "orbiting" her, and sent me a video of him circling around her because he was bored, and needed to be active.
I talked to Jake about this, and he asked if he wanted me to drop her. I was honestly debating on telling him yes, but I didn't want to be hypocritical about wanting them to be friends in the first place.. I kind of urged it.
Jake went and talked to Emma about it anyway, and he came back to me telling that Emma was intentionally sending me texts like this, and allowing me to know these things just to piss me off and push me away.
I texted her, and she blew up at me telling me that she was sick of hearing me talk about him. I don't talk about him that much, especially since I know she doesn't care. But, I've helped her through her precious relationship. Emma talked about her ex girlfriend all of the time, I feel like there's an unspoken rule of irony there. I haven't responded yet.
Would I be the asshole for yelling at her for being a hypocrite, and being a jerk for no reason?
and for those unsure of if Emma wants to get with Jake, she does not. Emma is lesbian, and Jake is gay. I, on the other hand, am bisexual.

Sorry if this is long but plz read the full story⭐️
⭐️Pregnancy⭐️
I’ve been seeing this girl for 9 months, and she’s 4 months pregnant (but we knew eachother for 4 years but didn’t know her all to well before) I have my own place, go to school full time, in a coding boot camp, and taking certificates to get better experience for ML(Machine learning) while also providing all the income for us.
⭐️Before pregnancy⭐️
Flashback to 12 months ago I was in the marine corp for 2 years and had to cut my time short due to adhd/ptsd after losing my dream job that I graudated highscool early for I went through a month of extreme depression. After 3 counselors I got better . I was still actively working right after the military for planning ahead and then lost my tech after 4 months job due to the whole company going under. The next day I found out she was pregnant. I believe she should have the choice since it’s her body /and she choose to keep the baby.
⭐️The problem⭐️
The 1st problem was she didn’t want to work and doesn’t have her license that I pushed her to do but can’t do it herself. I have been nice about it I’ve made whole google docs and videos of motivation, applied for jobs for her, let her use my car to learn to drive, been with her to do it, but still doesn’t want to do anything so I gave up after months and months on trying. A counselor would help but her mom doesn’t believe in that so brings in her mind there no point of getting better. She very shy and has anxiety about it and I do feel very bad but I do to still have anxiety to we’re my legs tremble and hands and feet sweat 24/7 near anyone. She adores her mom more than anyone in the world but her mom is a pill popper who hasn’t worked for over 20 years and even refused to work when they were all on the streets. I took her brother and my girlfriend to Disneyland and mind you spent over of all of the money I earned from the military from the gifts, vacations places, and food because she has never seen any of this before. I knew they would never have the opportunity see it and deserved to because her dad was not on the picture so they were just living off the government. So what I did was work to make enough money and do my college and extra certificates and experience on top networking to land a good job)
⭐️Uncle⭐️
after one month of this her uncle turned homeless and started living with them REMIND YOU her uncle . ( he attempted to s/a her as a kid) but didn’t succeed. He’s says he all Jesus and all that but u can see right through him that’s just words no action. I believe to respect ur adults and the elderly my manners are how I was raised by……………. But this flipped a switch that never was there. Her mom not doing anything and me knowing things she could do to get rid of him ( I even paid her 2,000 dollars) to get rid of him and nobody did anything and that was when she was pregnant) my girlfriend said she was fine about it and she not much afraid of him and started resenting me because how I felt about her mom and I kept dropping it but I couldn’t stand knowing he was there alone with her some days) So I went to online college and then saved up money to get an apartment to be away from him and did it mind you during this whole thing my main focus was that and getting all my certificates and more experience to be a software engineer but she was still getting mad at me because how I felt about her mother.That I was getting in college that I was also actively going to everyday but started to doing online classes because I didn’t feel safe with her being alone her uncle being there. A month goes by and the uncle TALKS ABOUT HER BOOBS INFRONT OF HER MOM. And I just… idk… the forgiving person that I was trying to see is gone forever after that for her mom….. and yes he is still living there and yes we got the aprartment right after that. But after that she still rensentined me because of how I felt about her mom and now I’m losing feelings for her because of the asking for things knowing I have to take out time for studying to make the money we don’t have but I think I do well doing it tho i like getting her things. I am trying just the money a little tight because I know how much cloud computing can make and all the 3 certificates, and all projects and college im doing but having to pay for the certs. But the way I feel about her mom now ( and I really did try to be so nice I promise and even talked to my counclears about it but that’s just not gonna happen anymore). I loved her so much but the more I think about it , if anything goes bad with money WHICH IS GOING TO HAPPEN she would not even be able to be there for me. (Also I want to say it has never slipped my mind that I would not provide for this child that’s the whole point of doing the college and all that I would rather not but I know what I need to do).
⭐️My day⭐️
I workout two hours a day 6 days a week, study mostly all day and then work when I need to for all the bills and whatever she wants or needs is starting to get to me also I I’m doing some meditation so I can sleep. I’ve tried to spend as much time with her but usually I’m done late and I’m jsut so worn out and then she gets sad becasue I’m tired but I try to take her places every week for the most part and get her food she likes. I feel alone most days and now i would rather watch YouTube or video by myself than with her. And the one time we did take a break which was 2 days she cried all day and her mom said she never left her room, and that’s not right for the baby so I went back to get her. I don’t think she would commit sucicde if we broke up but she says it as a joke but most of the time I can’t take it as a joke( my dad attempted and succeeded when I was 10). But if she did I don’t know how I would live with myself or if her feelings hurt the baby).I’ve read so many books on love and just helpful books but nothing helps much.
(Question⭐️
My question is what should I do?
(Also yes I’m talking to a councilor about this but today was just a little hard.)
(Thank you for all responses have a great rest of your day)❤️.

My daughter 34f has been suffering for so long I think it feels almost normal to her now. What started out as untreated post partum depression nearly 3 yrs ago, with the birth of her first child, has now morphed into something so big and disturbing that her husband, daughter, and the rest of her family are at a loss for what to do. It seems she can’t be reasoned with and any attempts that looked promising have led to empty promises, canceled appointments or faked appointments, lies, excuses, threats of suicide after being confronted, using her child as both a security blanket as well as the cause of all her stress, and shutting out family who offer to help. We are all on pins and needles, always grateful for a good day or week, but always bracing for the next storm. There is also some substance abuse during the low points which always exacerbates the problem. Is there a way you can help? We are all concerned for the welfare of the child.

Children of an FtM parent, how did you cope when you found out?
Just curious to understand how other children of a FtM parent coped when they discovered thw truth
I 17m just recently discovered my mum who left us to live with their affair.partner 11 years ago is now 7 years into their transition. My mum who had been no contact in all that time sta4ted contacting me again about 4 months ago via email requesting the chance to reconnect.. I thought it odd during all that time she refused to talk on the phone and seemed to stall when first arranging an in person meet up.
I took my time requesting proof that this person was who they said they were,and even asked my dad for advice, Needless to say he wasn't too happy but said it was my choice. ( no he wasn't aware of mum or her life.since she left us)
Maybe against my better judgement I finally agreed to meet mum 2 weeks ago. We arranged a date to.meet at a local cafe, I thought it would be better to meet in public first just incase.
Any way the day before the meeting there was a k ock at the door,.I was alone as my dad was at work, to my surprise when I answered the door there.was thos.man stood there. He smiled.and.just said surprise and tried to hug me. I freaked out and pushed him away, thinking it was some kind of joke.
This person then dropped the bombshell that they used to be my mum. Again ingreaked out and told him.to leave or I would call the cops to have him removed as I felt more than a little concerned for my own safety now.
I think the scene was drawing too much attention with the neighbours by then amd whem i refused to let him in je seemed to bet a little frustrated. But left when our next door neighbour came.iver tonasknwjat was going on.
I got several emails from.my mum later on that evening one even asking if i was going to go ahead with the meeting the following day. I jist responded that I wasn't and left.it at that.
Over last week or so i have also recieved several calls amd messages from an aunt( mums younger sister) asking.me why i turned mum away when she came visit me. My dad was so pissed at what happened and had threatened to go tonthe police if they keep contacting me.
The other day I recieved a long email with several files attatched. These were copies of mum's details, birth.cirtificste, photos of her before and during her transition up to recently. More info has come through first hand from my aunt to verify this.person is who they say they are.
So right now I'm confused as to what to.do next, aunt wants me to meet up with my mum and talk, but instill feel a.little unsure since the way she/he turned up unannounced was simply an ambush and it has made.me feel uneasy about seeing them again
So i want to ask others out there who have trans parents, especially anyone who has a FtM trans parent how did you deal with it, do you think how mine handled things was out of order and should i consider giving hehim a chance.to explain hehisself to me?

I (pansexual F) got married to the love of my life. My biggest sweetheart. Her name is Marie. Or so, I thought it was. I'm not sure who she is anymore. We had fun. We went outside on dates. We played Roblox together, etc. She was everything someone could ever ask for. Everything was perfect. Until it wasn't. We got divorced. We both moved on and haven't seen eachother since. Until we accidentally ran into eachother. We chatted a bit, you know... Caught up on stuff. I told her how I actually found my real dad. "I found out that Eddy is actually my dad", I said to her. She pulled out a birth certificate. "No, he isn't", she said. She showed me a birth certificate with my name on it. "It's actually me." I was left speechless. How? She...or he... even showed me videos of "them" with me when I was a baby. It was all so surprising to me. My mind was flooded with questions such as "how?" We started hanging out again. To catch up on things some more. We're still in contact.
...
This is obvi a joke 😭

I want to do this joke at our next event where I pass out (obviously fake) coupons for free plastic surgery, instructing them to give an obviously fake coupon code to our office number.
The number would be for the office of our local famous plastic surgeon.
The phrasing would be instructing then to call and ask if the code is valid, which of course they’ll tell them no.
Would it be legal?

This is my in-depth notes while watching the full length dfv meme video compilation by roaring pika this morning.
https://x.com/roaringpika/status/1791834694704591155?s=46
It’s an hour long and way easier to understand all together like this.
These notes come from watching every ppshow this week and taking my favorite bits of tinfoil from the community into one fairly simple look into the story dfv is telling us without getting too deep on possible tinfoil, it’s just laid out plain and simple here.
Tldr; this is a very long post. I think it starts with dfv’s final yolo update (fine I’ll do it myself) and how he’s been feeling for the first 30 minutes of the memes and then in the last half it switches to, fine I’ll do it again and then full of straight confirmation foil that we’ve been right about the bear trap, bbby, Teddy, and baby all along. Then he says we’re all good, be zen and says goodbye for now.
Here goes:
Fine I’ll do it myself, Cat heartbeat, Wolverine mad. (I think this marks his Final yolo update and of course doubled as the hype to start this week off with a bang.)
I think the first half of the movies are all about the first squeeze and how he was both dfv and kitty, how they were talking trash about him, how we found out about the baskets “you move I move” the battle scenes were all about price action up and down, everything was green and red, and the running memes are about the stock running up and sad memes are when the stock goes down.
About 30 minutes in someone asks, “where you been”, he says “waiting”, what about getting caught? “All part of the plan.”
Then there’s usual suspects movie with the goofy meme “I’ll fuckin do it again”.
——
Then Jake texting Keith, is this about our Jake with bbby and the story pp had about the gay bar at the first pulte event? So funny with the guy with 600 memes and basically joking that he became a full blown psycho.
Tell me where the freaks at pump up music. Psyched on us after the meet up?
Guy looks out the window, then the Teddy in a chair (might have just been a response to Cramer being a smartass). Then Hank (Jim Carrey) starts to lose it as the stock price keeps going down, his alter ego comes out.
Truman show, he’s trying to escape, they say “he’ll turn back he’s too afraid”. They hit him with everything they’ve got but he knows it’s all fake. He says, “is that the best you can do??”
Fury is a game where every boss fight feels like the final boss. They taunt you, they demand you get back in your prison cell, they pound you into a pulp and they even make you doubt the righteousness of your own quest towards freedom. But the soundtrack man, it keeps egging you on. To whoop some ass! PP theme music.
The Bullet one talking about time, cause and effect, “don’t try to understand it, just feel it”. “Instinct, got it.”
Morpheus teaching neo it’s all fake. Just before that scene he says, “you think that’s air you’re breathing?” … “Again!”
Alice says “But I don’t want to go among mad people.” The cat replies, “Most everyone’s mad here. You may have noticed I’m not all there myself.” Neo waking up again in the 4th movie.
Alice going down a rabbit hole into wonderland.. psychedelic music and dancing.
Next scene guy running and falls over, music says “I lost myself.”
Shawshank, they find the tunnel he made. In 2021 Kitty escaped prison. All they found of him was some Reddit posts, tweets, and an old live stream. Investing is the study of pressure and time. That’s all it takes really, pressure and time. That and a keen goddamn activist.
A man will do anything to keep his mind busy in prison. Turns out kittys favorite activity was handing out memes, a handful at a time (the dirt for the tunnel). Kitty did as he was told, buffed that financial education to a high mirror shine. (I think he’s been getting ready for something big and these memes are just a countdown.)
Bruce Willis. No, THIS is the Kansas City shuffle. (An advanced form of confidence trick where the mark is aware of being involved in a swindle and believes that he or she can outsmart the swindler; however, this is all part of the trick, and by attempting to retaliate, the mark unwittingly assists the con artist.) Hedge funds are the mark and dfv/rc are playing a con, the bear trap?
Pay attention to what I say, I choose my words carefully and I never repeat myself. The cat looks at the camera.
Michael from the office - It’s Britney bitch. And I am back. Cut to Britney Spears - I must confess I still believe. When I’m not with you I lose my mind. Give me a sign (like how we’re always asking for a sign?? (with the alien g from signs all red like a gme logo giving birth). Hit me BABY one more time!
Goosebumps all the papers fly out of the briefcase right when we get like 200 new dockets clawing back money from 90 days before bbby bk. Bear beware… you’re in for a scare…
Then it’s Abbi from Broad city dancing all over the place and she’s obsessed with bed bath and beyond in the show. There’s also the scene where the other girl is dancing behind a colored blanket with the same logo as HBC and then the next scene she’s tied up. Then they’re dancing again.. and naked then then only in shorts. Naked shorts?
We’ll never survive unless we’re a little crazy. The modern investor unleashes the animal within to take on the big city - that’s gotta be us apes?
What kind of person are you? The kind that sees signs, sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Is it possible that there are no coincidences? The kid holds up a baby monitor. They find a crop circle and it’s two GameStop logos turned in different directions (maybe rc turned GameStop around) and then another one with a long line and a baby gme logo (is gme about to have a baby?!)
Why make something disposable like an investment thesis when you can make something that lasts forever, like a GameStop meme? (It says “Reality” at the bottom of this clip, lol)
Jack Nicholson in the shining (music playing it’s just a matter of time before I lose my mind it’s also a place in ready player one where they have to take the leap not taken, the leap of faith, a kiss). “Make a lot of memes today?” Lol
Can’t stop what’s coming. Kicks some ass.
I got both hands off the wheel, the cops are coming. I listen to the music with no fear, you can hear it too if you’re sincere. Cuz I’m a punk rocker yes I am. (song: punkrocker by the teddybears)
Rock ain’t about doing things prefect! Who can tell me what it’s really about? Sticking it to the man! If you wanna rock, you gotta break the rules.
Two cars racing, one plays chicken with a truck and then cut to bojack horseman talking on stage right before they almost crash (stalking horse? Looks just like he horse from 1, 2 switch that GameStop tweeted the minute the stalking horse deadline was up.)
Now you may only see a pile of boring forms and numbers, but I see a story (us going through the dd and maybe holly etlin talking about there’s a story here but it’s not mine to tell)
Listen to this song, it’ll change your life.
(Song is don’t fear the reaper - so don’t be afraid of death, funny because of the cowbell, maybe cowbell is involved in the tinfoil but at the end of the song lyrics not shown in the clip they say: don't be afraid, Come on, baby (and she had no fear) And she ran to him (then they started to fly) They looked backward and said goodbye)
Big Lebowski dude is investigating and finds the drawing of Jackie tree horn and it’s just a guy with a raging erection with the name cohen at the top of the paper. (I think this means rc is ready to fuck)
Jason borne is telling the run Lola run chick he can’t run with her, he has to be careful because people are after him. He says I gotta figure it out. She says well then figure it out. They drive into a parking garage through the wrong way (where it should say exit it says exit strategy and he enters through the exit, parks and walks away, as in “what’s an exit strategy”)
Then it looks like maybe him and rc just waiting and dealing with some bs.
Then there’s the Backstage roaring cat perhaps. The girl says ima stick beside him.
Not sure about everyone shooting each other but someone said maybe because he wrote it and manifested it?
Then the dress one “this is art, get it?” Was apparently two minutes after hey Ross and some others were talking about that dress on a space call.
I’m a United States gamestop memer. Aren’t those the guys that go crazy and come back with an arsenal of memes and blast everybody? Sometimes. Price action keeps coming and coming… and then it’s GameStop earnings week! (6/5 aftermarket)
Always sunny scene maybe like a peek into how crazy he’s been feeling not being able to talk to anyone for three years?
He can’t speak or he’ll get in trouble.
Alladin scene (alladin name of trading algo. He also says next time I’ll use a nom de plume - pen name) all I gotta do is jump! (The theme of taking a leap of faith again)
Dreyfus billionaire family (no idea but she’s dancing having a great time)
You can’t handle the truth (code red has to do with a worm/virus, maybe they’re about to unleash something that destroys several companies that are short? And it’s pretty funny)
Beavis and butthead sex for dummies (to me it says rc and dfv are ready to fuck but also cex means centralized exchanges which are also for dummies)
Oceans 11, (theme is a heist. We’re all looking at each other like what’s about to happen and then the last guy is just looking at boobs, seems to describe a group like us lol)
Bernard from westworld can’t see the bear thesis (because in the movie he’s programmed not to but irl it’s because there isn’t a thesis!)
“That’s not a thesis,” pulls out huge knife, “that’s a thesis.”
The gme galaxy on the cat collar says deepfuckingvalue so I think he’s saying it’s still deep value and we often made memes about the black hole of gme absorbing the rest of the market into it so maybe that’s it.
Whats in the box? What’s in the box??? (What’s the plan??? RC not telegraphing his plans)
Guy looks at all the memes - she asks “is it not good?” “It is miraculous.” (That’s us loving every second of this. Thank you dfv.)
And so.. you just RAN. Forest gump runnin’ (gme gonna just keep runnin’)
you go backwards but then you go forwards again… you go backwards… then he walks out of the woods.. (are we out of the woods now? Done going backwards?)
We’ll see. The Zen philosophy story - kid breaks leg, oh that’s bad, can’t go to war, oh now it’s good etc - (I think he’s saying to be zen, we’re gonna win, but this message goes deeper:
We don’t always know what is good or bad. Breaking your leg isn’t good or bad, those are just judgements in our mind. We don’t know what the future holds. Almost anything can be a good thing or a bad thing, all we can do is accept life and how things play out without judgement.)
We’ll see.
Then the boy is saying bye to ET, the music says I’ve really enjoyed my stay, but I must be movin on. (DFV going silent again until this all plays out.)
He’s saying “we fuckin won fellas! Be zen, and we’ll see this all play out soon enough.”
I think the heavy use of good movies and music and video games may also be hinting at gamestops nft marketplace May reopen to sell those 3 things as NFTs by partnering with blockbuster and some musicians.
LFG 🚀 I’ll see you regards on the moon.

Hi, I am new here and I don't really know how it works and my main language isn't english so I'm sorry for my grammar. For privacy I'm going to be using fake names and stuff.
I know that from the tittle I probably sound unreasonable already... But I'm seriously hoping for some perspective since I don't really know If I'm just too immature.
I 23y/o non binary I'm dating my bf 24M. We haven't really had the most romantic start and the issues with his best friend, let's call her Teresa, came pretty quickly. It's important to enlighten that he is a really good bf otherwise, and he is always caring, generous and kind. Yet, he can sometimes be so oblivious that I don't know If I'm crazy or if I over react over nothing. It's also important to say that I'm autistic and even If I learned most social skills, I'm still pretty bad understanding a lot. That is why, I need perspective.
Anyways, the first time we met his best friend Teresa, she was kind to me on her own way and I felt good about her until five minutes later she started saying really innapropiate comments like, and I quote: "Oh yeah give me from behind", "I'm horny" and many sexual comments. Not all directed to him, some of them were randomly thrown to the group. (We were 4 including me) I felt like she wasn't really good with boundaries and although she was making me uncomfortable, since my bf didn't really care or felt annoyed I thought that maybe it was normal behaviour. I mean, otherwise, she was usually nice to me, and even tho I always found odd that she would became quiet and serious when their friends talked to me, I asked her to add each other on wpp and you know, to try to be friends and she accepted nicely.
The thing is, each time we hanged out with her she always does something that doesn't feel right. And I talked about it with my bf, but he thinks she is just that way and he was quite against putting boundaries with her when I asked. I didn't really want him to cut her off at that time, I just wanted to feel respected so I asked to tell her if she could stop the sexual jokes towards him and to try to nota to call him darling, love and such. (Did I over step back then? I seriously don't know) He ended up agreen, and told me he would talk to her. I don't know if he did, we had some fights because he is always so secretive with his phone and since and it annoys me because I never wanted to check it, sometimes his messages would pop up when I'm with him and I would feel guilty if I would glare at them. So I try to not to, but when I saw the "I love you💕" and all the hearts I went nuts in my head and asked him if he really talked to her about boundaries. He told me he did, and since I can't do anything about it but to trust them I waited until those messages eventually stopped to pop up.
The last string happened on his birthday, she lives far and can't usually hang with my bf, so I thought of bringing her to our town and throw a suprise party for him. Things were nice until she started comparing me to his ex. Oh man, that made me angry and even If I'm autistic I can tell that she wasn't being exactly nice.
I was talking to her casually, and telling her how happy it made that she could make it here to suprise him, I mean she came from far. Well, she started like "Oh yeah me too, well at first when I knew you I thought you were like his ex and I was afraid of that, I'm glad you are not tho, for some reason all the girlfriends of my friends hate me and I'm glad you don't", that felt wrong but I wasn't that mad yet. She kept saying stuff like that and since then I don't like her anymore.
Also, the reason why I'm so confused about her is that she seems to be this boundaries free with more of her male friends. To the point were she worries me too, like she always picks crappy guys to date and seeks attention from males and I don't know how to help her. And I don't want to want to help her... I don't even like her but she is just... A disaster.
The thing is, I talked with him about this... about everything and he just told me that she didn't meant to be disrespectful and that it is just the way she is. Lately we had many fights were I was upset because I feel as if in every scenario were she is in, if he has to pick sides, he is always going to pick her... and it hurts. And they are tiny dumb things, like not inviting me to a game session because he didn't want to ask on the group chat that we all are because since she doesn't like playing she might feel excluded, to always talking about her on ways that he never talks about me. I saw him cry for her when she is down, but when I'm upset he doesn't I don't understand the difference.
I forgot one thing, he kissed her before we started dating, he told me it was just once, and that it only meant for him that he realized he wasn't attracted to her as a partner but as a friend. And that, with all the other stuff, annoys me because I don't know how much of that to trust... He is really nice with me when there is no one else involved, this would be our biggest issue. I thought to ask him to cut her off, and well. If what they have is true friendship, I don't really want to make him waste it.
I would appreciate some advice, thanks to all the people who took their time reading.

Backstory because I feel it’s relevant and could answer questions you may have. My brother, David married Angela when they were 21 and 23. I was 10 years old at the time. David and I were a team, he was my caretaker and guardian because my parents were struggling with addiction (they’ve since sobered up). David was older than me, and well aware of the issues between my parents—David had a different dad. From the beginning, Angela did not like me being around. I understood, even as a kid, that my time with my brother was over. We got along for the most part in the beginning. Then the comments started about me. She’d say things like, “Please don’t use my brush, you could have bugs.” She would make fun of my dark brown skin (she is white), always calling me a lil snot nosed orphan because my parents left me, or constantly grab my body to point out that I’m overweight, often saying, “what’s this?” with a handful of my tummy. I was just a kid, but I was mature for my age given my parents absence. I knew what she was doing when she said that shit with fake concern in her voice or a grin as she walked away. She wanted me out. She turned my brother against me, he then resented me for being there. I was scared, I had nowhere safe to go. I left anyway. I went back to my reservation because I’d rather be there than somewhere I wasn’t wanted. I wasn’t unruly as a kid. I learned respect very early. I grew up on a farm with strict traditional grandparents so I knew the value of work, good attitude, and rising early. I could cook, clean, and drive by 10. I got myself back to the Rez on a greyhound bus. I had no choice. I left my brother’s apartment on my own and never went back. Angela had taken my brother and there was no use fighting it. They went on to have 2 kids, both of whom I love very much. They are all that’s left of him and I protect them with everything I have.
David committed suicide a year after I left his home. No closure, no note, nothing. I never felt right about it. It still burns in my heart. Before he passed he told me and my mom that he was served with divorce papers and he moved into his own place. I mentioned the divorce to Angela, she immediately denied any of it. She said there was no talk of divorce. This was the first red flag because why was he living in an apartment when he died? Two years later I find out she’s been dating my brother’s best friend! That was weird, I remember feeling very upset but there was nothing I could do. I did not have a very close relationship with Angela and we talked maybe once a year when I’d make the annual bday phone call. I felt it strange that she moved on so quickly with his bff. On the other hand, she befriended my mother via phone and started referring to her as her true Mom. My mom is very naive and only sees rainbows and balloons everywhere so of course she obliged.
About 4 years after David passed, she remarried. Great, so awesome! I was happy for her. My nieces were in their early teens by this time so I was feeling relieved that I kept it cool with Angela long enough to have the girls in my life. That was always my goal, even though I didn’t like her—she deserved my respect for giving me some beautiful nieces. My mom was very welcoming to Angela at all times. I feel that was partially because she felt guilt that Angela and David had to take me in for a bit when I was a kid.
Fast forward to 2020–Angela has bombarded her way back into my family. I figured, “Hey we’re all older and she’s not who she was then!” I started a dialogue with Angela because my oldest niece was getting married. Angela was cool at first, I opened up to her about my struggles with addiction and I thought we had finally reached an understanding as two adult women. I paid for the entire wedding out of respect for my brother. It was the right thing to do. I thought I was just writing a check on behalf of my brother. That’s not what happened. Sh*t, I just bought my brother’s widow. She was back in my life full force. Not only my life, but my whole family’s lives. She has them on Facebook, we are trapped! She inserts herself into our traditional ceremonies and even wears/carries sacred items (she is non-native). It’s so wrong—and everybody knows it but they look to my mom to address it and she doesn’t. She still calls me “little sister,” and I’m like uh-uh honey I have one sibling and you’re not it. She is annoying and just plain unaware. It’s to the point that she is assuming she will be in my own wedding party, at my graduation, and at my ceremonies. It’s just too much! Mind you, I don’t have any celebrations so it’s not like she’s been coming to my bday for years. I am not alone in these feelings, as my entire family (sans mom) is annoyed by her presence. It’s very hard to explain—she just has no self awareness and it’s uncomfortable for everyone, especially traditional elders. We have many non-native people married into our family, but they respect our ways and participate in a limited fashion, always asking before making any moves or speaking to medicine men. Angela just goes in like it’s a Sunday football game. She doesn’t get it, and it’s been nearly 30 years wtf.
2021 comes around then boom! Her second husband ALSO commits suicide. Yes people! Naturally, I’m supportive during this time. This is my niece’s step father, the only father they know (babies when David passed). I was so appreciative of this man. He helped mold my nieces into great women. I respected him so much for his kind heart. I liked him so much more than Angela lol. When this happened I thought to myself, “Hmm, that’s not right.” You know how people say, “I shouldn’t have ignored the signs,” or “trust your gut”?? Well all the bells are going off at this point. What is this lady doing in her life that her husbands are offing themselves like this? I know depression can hide behind a smile, but this is a pattern. It’s weird. I believe it’s dangerous to involve yourself with someone whose life is in that much chaos 24/7. Is this Karma for something bad? Or worse, is there more to it? My mind spins at the thought.
Two months ago, Angela starts hanging around my uncle. All the time. She’s at his house, he’s at hers. My mom found out and was so hurt because they wouldn’t be honest about spending time together. They denied it even though it was in plain sight (vehicles at each other’s homes). It doesn’t matter if there is nothing going on, it’s inappropriate on both sides. They never had any sort of relationship prior to this. There’s no law stopping them, but it’s just another display of how dumb and unaware this chick is. Now she’s pissed me off. You don’t get to marry my brother then get with his friend and now get cozy with my uncle. Now, I can deal with my uncle, I know how to talk to his stubborn self. I hardly know him so it’s no big loss if I never speak to him again. It’s Angela I have a hard time with. At some point someone has to honor David and stick up for him. Nobody listened to me when I warned them about Angela as a kid. I knew she wasn’t balanced. She only acted that way in front of people, she treated me awful behind closed doors. She’s gotta be delusional if she thinks I forgot any of that. I’ve had it simmering in the back of my mind. I even dismissed most of her actions back then because she was also a kid. You may ask, why don’t you just tell her off then? Well, that’s tough. My nieces mean the world to me. I don’t want to hurt them by rejecting their mom.
This is where I need help. How do I get Angela out of my life without harming the relationship I have with my nieces? The recently married one is pregnant so I don’t want to do anything to disrupt her focus and clarity during this time. I want her to stay happy and healthy so I think I’ll drop the bomb after the birth. I don’t have children but I know it’s a sensitive time for an expectant mother. Both nieces are adults and the need for their mom in the mix isn’t required anymore. I worry about severing ties because Angela is on like 80 different anti-depressants and PTSD/Anxiety meds for her severe bi-polar disorder. She is known to turn on the drama and really freak out. I’ve seen it happen and it’s really something.
I know I let this go on for too long without saying anything and it’s probably me to blame as I’ve let her go on thinking this was acceptable. I bit my tongue for so long. I did it so I could keep the kids close to me. How/what do I say to Angela to get her to exit my life? I’ve ignored calls/texts, she then starts asking my family on Facebook why I’m not responding, leaving me no choice but to respond. I cannot escape this person. I wasn’t the one they said til death do us part. I’m so mad at David for leaving me with his wife lol. HELP.
TLDR: I tolerated my brother’s widow in order to remain close to the children. How do I cut her off without hurting her (now adult) children?

I signed up for Bumble using an ancient, seldom-used Facebook account. Bumble automatically scraped the (hilariously fake) age I originally set on Facebook.
So I went to Facebook settings and corrected my date of birth, without a hitch. I've read that Bumble may take a day or two to update age, which is acceptable. But it's been 8 days! What is taking so long?!
I would delete everything and start over, but why should I have to? Plus, would be a shame to lose money I already paid Bumble.
Ironically, Facebook Dating is taunting me with ads, and I'm getting ideas...

why is it so hard to make friends?
m19 here from (still in) maryland, and lately i've realized how lonely I am, lmao. I have my hobbies and stuff but yet, I'm so lonely, i have one friend, who's been my friend since middle school, he's my bro. but i realized i legit have no friends..or a friend like me, here's some points I've seen/made 👇🏾
° fake people: there's too many fake people in the world today, worried about “worldly” bull crap or something stupid, wanting to be in drama, coming to you, then completely ignoring you or ghosting, I find it fake, sorta bummy and immature. people don't know the definition of a “friendship” or a “very close bond” like i'm gonna stick beside you no matter what, people don't seem to get that, then play victim when you call them out. people will use you, talk poorly of you, do all things wrong, i can't stand that. which is why i enjoy being more of a loner..i hate fake friends and i am not no fake friend, im sorta clingy
° people have weird interests/and are boring: this is, i guess controversial, tough one? but people have their interests but i've met some people (school/outside) that's into some weird crap, pronouns for one, i dislike folk whose interests are gender crap, not much into anime honestly, i do love harry potter though. i find a lot of people boring and never knowing how to have a conversation, never wanna be like “come over and chill, or let's watch a horror film” or anything like that, i've always wanted a male friend to explore stuff with, let's ride our skateboards around and learn tricks/let's ride through the night, i'd love to explore abandoned places honestly, guess i'm more of an that “emo boy that's always up to something”. i also love a childish person, stupid jokes/pranks are always the best, where's the trustworthy people who'd wanna skate all night and go to a pizza joint and chill at each other places all night watching horror films, (and i love horror. anyone seen the movie terrifer? the conjuring? house of 1000 corpses? lords of salem!!) talking about whatever, even deep conversations all night with pizza. play video games with me if you'd want, im a console player, i enjoy my xbox, we can facetime and play stupid stuff or id come to you and chill. who still plays minecraft lmao, im a huge lover of the grunge, skateboard theme, nighttime themed things, yeah i'm a slytherin 🐍. i can't find people like that. also, any other song writers out there? i love making my own music, rock is dope but it depends on the rock..
° bad places and everyone is untrustworthy/ghetto: i grew up in the hood, not to be prideful but it's sorta easy to see through people and know when stupid crap is going down. it's hard finding friends like you in the area you live in. this goes along with fake friends cause people are fake, users, and ghetto af. like what the hell? i mean like dude, if I'm your friend, i mean that, im not gonna use you for money or betray you for some chick or whoever. people don't seem to get that. i also find it stupid how guys, other males are such simps for women and will completely throw you under the bus for a woman, women do the same with men, it's fake af.
° i hate people/large crowds/groups: this i feel like a lot of people can relate to. i absolutely hate people and not on a “woke" level, but on a “people do too much” level, yes people do too much and they always deny that they're doing too much. i hate big groups, because they always fall, which is a heartbreaker dude..it can be 4 of us, then 3, then 2, then none. i've always prefered a group of 3 or just one guy and myself. this gonna sound weird but i've always wanted a male friend, a guys guy really. i don't really go to skate parks, cause it's usually to many people, doing the most per usual, like there's one by the baltimore harbor, i'd rather go at night due to the amount of people there during the day. it sounds cheesy but i hate people. i really do.
° no one has my interest: this is the same as people having weird interests, but this is true. no one has the same interest as me, and i hear that people with the same interest are the ones that argue a lot, fall apart quickly, or just can't get along, i don't know how true that is entirely. but that's where the communication falls in, talk to me man. if there's an issue, open your mouth! don't be a pussy and keep it to yourself and talk poorly of me and hate me. that's not right, it's wack and lame af. people who do that really need to get themselves in check. like again, i love horror, i love the hell out of horror, its all I watch, anyone here watch mr.nightmare ? on youtube, also people enjoy stupid stuff and stay indoors to much. i get it, being in your space in your smelly room is cool and all, it's america, we hate it here, but personally i think there so much more, like I said I love night time stuff, abandoned houses/churches/stores, etc, i'm always down for it all, guess it's my emo horror obsession haha. anyone want to work and save up money together? where's the people like that who wouldn't steal your money, and dip off, like we save and use it for stuff like pizza, new skateboards, deep woods campfires and outings man. spending the night at each other's place, sneaking into spots! and one thing, building each other up, im the type to help you out, if you feel bad or something, let me know and id help, I know depression runs through a lot of people, and if I had that friend that in looking for in gonna be there, no matter what. that's just the kinda person I am, not satanic lol, just..emo? or grunge? i don't know..
° no one is loyal/have bad families/too sensitive: this is a tough one but im just gonna say it. people aways hated that I have no filter, not that I have a nasty mouth and I always have to put my opinion in stuff, i'm more so very quiet. i also have a dark sense of humor, im black, so i definitely do say racial jokes, not as a insult, but a little humor or whatever. dark humor is always the best. but i have no filter, i'm gonna tell you the truth of what it is, what I enjoy, what I hate, just point blank period, and people hate that, i'm nor gonna sugar coat anything! a true friendship circles and stays strong through truth and open words, if you can't handle that, something is honestly wrong with you fr. families, now. i won't judge you for having a bad home, but what i mean is, completely putting all that, that's not your responsibility in the way. i did that once, as an older sibling, i believe younger siblings aren't no one's responsibility, i once canceled plans to “watch and take care” of siblings when their old enough to watch themselves, which i regret. if you're having a bad time, you always got me there. which falls into loyal, people aren't loyal. which is basically people are fake. im a longterm friendship kinda dude. you're my homie, just like that.
° finally, judging and redflags: i don't judge at all, ask ill tell, but I don't judge at all. I don't see a point? none of us is perfect, so I don't see a point, saying what you feel is different than judging fr. same with redflags, guess mines would be im clingy 😂 i love clingy people as well, im not sure. but red flags falls into the same with, people do too much, people are fake, and users. and it amazes me completely how someone will use you, for however long, then completely ditch you in the end, or when you're caught, times get rough, or something like that. I really really hate that and that's what destroys friendships. don't really care if someone is clingy.
guess that's all, i think friendships in 2018-2024 are absolutely awful, and I hate that so much. there's no one else around really, like what the hell 😂 and still today, no friends. i be hoping i can find someone like me, like if you'll be there forever man mean that and stand on it. i think the future of friendships will die out honestly. no one can trust each other, no one can spend nights no more, go out, or anything..im not into politics, I don't care about presidents or anything, nor money, I need it, I know, which is why I'm still job searching, I just think there's more to a friendship besides money, arguing, drama, stupid stuff. that's it from me i guess 😂 just a lil rant since I joined this group. show me your skateboard, songs and favorite bands! mines is behemoth and a few grunge ones.. hopefully id find a friend ..

Hi! I am 6 months pregnant and am expecting a baby boy in September, wede between two names. To start the night before taking the pregnancy test I had a dream about having a son named Charlie, and I woke up and took the test to find out I was pregnant w my baby boy!
I'm superstitious so my brain said "he chose his name" but i wouldnt want to name him charles (no offense charles). I'm wondering if I would ruin his future by putting a 'nickname' on his birth certificate? We were also talking Abt Aidan.

I’m not sure if this is the appropriate subreddit but basically one of my (18F) best friends (19F) kept sleeping with a man (19m) who was in a relationship, and she knew this but simply didn’t care. As soon as she told me the first time, i was shocked and told her immediately that it’s so wrong and i’m disappointed and that she needs to stop. She didn’t care & kept sleeping with him, even wanted him to make her his girlfriend.
My friend searched for and found his gf’s (19f) social media’s and would constantly check for updates, check all the posts, check on her stories on a secret/fake account. My friend would tell me how much she hated his gf and I would think wtf? Leave her alone? And what has she done for you to hate her? Lol. Anyways He eventually broke up with the girlfriend (idk why). Him and my friend continued sleeping with each other and she so desperately wanted to be his girlfriend. God knows why.
No matter how much I told her she’s wrong for this she didn’t listen, I was incredibly disappointed. She would even take all her stuff to his accommodation and sleep there just so he can sleep with her whenever he wanted. He never took her on dates yet he told her he “loved her” and I kept telling her he’s just manipulating her but she believed him not me. She said he’s his soulmate. One day after weeks of sleeping with her he randomly told her to get out and essentially got rid of her and went back to his ex girlfriend. Removed my friend on all social media and was talking down on her to others. She was devastated and all I could say is I’m sorry but I continuously told you so. This whole situation just makes me question whether I should be friends, especially close friends with someone like this. We clearly have very different standards and values, and I am almost disgusted that she could act in such a way.
I had moved past the situation and decided to still be friends with her as when I spoke to her about it she said she really regrets it (I had contemplated cutting her off, but didn’t tell her). Then a few months later (last month), he requested to follow her on Instagram. She screenshotted it, sent it to me and said “Omg this is the best day of my life!”. She obviously accepted it and followed him back. I just sighed. He literally has a girlfriend. Plus he has shown that he doesn’t even respect my friend through the way he treated her. Doesn’t this show she doesn’t really regret her actions if she’s willing to allow him to have access to her again? It just made the whole situation new for me again. She makes comments about ‘taking girl’s men’ and that “she’s done it before she can do it again” and laughs. It’s been a while since the actual sleeping with the guy situation but I can’t look at her the same every time I look at her
BTW guys i’m aware that he is obviously in the wrong as well for cheating on his girlfriend, but she’s my friend not him.
My mum says I need to distance myself from such a girl, she says “she could even do it to me and sleep with my boyfriend behind my back as she has no morals or self respect”. I’m so conflicted because i’ve been friends with her for a few years, but idk. I have also continued to be friends with her after the situation, and I got her gifts for her last bday, so is it even possible for me to just turn around and stop being friends with her? We snap every single day (for streaks lol). What do you guys think and what would you do if you were in my position? Would you distance yourself or just cut her off completely? How would you go about it?
TLDR; My friend repeatedly slept with a guy who was in a relationship and stalked his girlfriend online. After he dumped her, she regretted it but got excited when he followed her on Instagram again. She jokes about taking other girls' men, and my mom thinks I should distance myself from her. I'm conflicted. What should I do?

Hey everyone,
I’m in a real bind and could use a hand. My name’s not important, but my story might be something you’d want to hear. I’ve got a dog, and he’s pretty much all I’ve got. We’re in the valley, and things have been rough since 2017. I thought I had it all figured out, got myself off the streets, into a place… but then, one wrong turn, and it’s like the ground fell out from under me.
Long story short, I helped someone on the side of the road, and next thing I know, I’m in cuffs, my truck’s gone, and so’s my home. They locked me up for half a year, and I’ve been floating without an anchor ever since. No charges, no nothing, just me and my dog trying to make it day by day.
I’m not the type to ask for help; I’d rather be the one giving it. But here I am, no SS card, no birth certificate, no job, and not much hope left. I’m not looking for a handout, just maybe a point in the right direction. A job, some food for Thor, anything. It's been rough, I'm lucky to get 1 meal everyday. I go without to make sure that my Dog is alright. He's the only one who sticks by my side. I've always been one to give the shirt off of my back, I guess this is the universes way of teaching me that nice guys finish last.
If you’ve read this far, thanks. I appreciate it. And if you can help or know someone who can, that would mean everything. We’re just looking for a chance to get back on our feet.
Thanks again, A guy just trying to do right by his dog

I’m 18 and I already feel like I’ve wasted my life, I look back on it and realise I’m a joke to people, I’ve completely fucked my a levels and have no aspirations or goals im going to end up stuck in a shitty job alone. I couldn’t even be of any help to my friends who were going through shit just instead being fucking weird or just not being able to be there for them properly. I’m a piece of shit I didn’t even visit my nan going through cancer, my mates going through shit rn and I feel like I’m fucking useless not being able to help him. I’m always saying and doing the wrong shit I feel like I’m always fucking up. I’m struggling with who I am I’ve been thinking through possible adhd but I feel like I’m just faking it to make myself feel better about being the way I am. I feel like a fucking zombie my head just feels empty now and I can’t even talk to my friends that I’ve known for like a year now I struggle to make conversation with them and I feel fucking pathetic. I tried jumping off a cliff but couldn’t even get the courage to do it I even fucked that up

Hi everyone,
Just looking for some advice regarding an I-864, I'm a little puzzled as this is the second one I've done and was certain everything was in order.
Context: I'm a pending I-485, I-765 & I-131 living in the United States, as of January. I moved from England based on an K1/I-129F and got married in February. My wife and I have no savings (anyone from working class England can relate) and so are relying on my wife's sister as a co-sponsor.
I had completed one I-864 at the time of the I-129F interview to prove I had a sponsor in the states and would not become a public liability. And then completed another at the end of April before the pricing went up and sent it off. USCIS just contacted me and made a request for evidence, stating they cannot determine that my wife's sister is qualified. Annoyingly they do not specify any particular section where my evidence was lacking in general. We are using my sponsor based off income and not savings. I provided the following evidence alongside the completed and signed I-864: - Latest Tax Return - Proof of Employment (Letter from Employer) - 6 months of payslips & evidence of child support money (for the sponsor) - Verification of deposits - Birth certificate of the sponsor
There is potential that something was wrong with the form I-864 in general but I did triple check it, made sure it was wet signed and had a social security and everything.
​
Any and all advice would be much appreciated as I want to get this completed ASAP. I don't expect Reddit to know why mine in particular failed, but if anyone could share their experiences or tell me of things to look out for this time around it would be fantastic.
​
Thank you so much!

I have the municipality he was born in (Front, Italy) and his birthdate, but I’m wondering where I go to request a copy of his birth certificate.
Thank you!

As per my previous posts, I moved overseas and I had to switch ingredients when it came to my birth control. I thought I was handling the new birth control fine, but I am not stopping bleeding. I had a small placebo week since normally I don’t like to take the whole week, and it is still going. I don’t know what to do since I just started my actives again. It always fakes me out by giving me an idea it’s ending at night and then the morning it’s back at it again. I am at my wits end, how do you deal with this? I sometimes have a longer withdrawal bleed when I switch pills but I’m at two weeks now going on three this week. It’s annoying, I am thinking of talking to the clinic about it to see what we can do but I probably won’t be able to get a new prescription for a while, anything in the meantime that can help? Or is it a ride it out situation?

With discussions around the fourth MCU Spider-Man movie estimating it's release date to be late 2025, I got curious as to how old Peter Parker would be at that point.First we need to establish
1. Peter Parker's birthday
This is simple enough. According to his passport from Far From Home he was born on August 10th 2001. Next we need to find.
2. When will SM4 take place
Ever since endgame, no MCU movie has taken place in the year it was released in due to the 5 year time skip. The 1 year wait between the releases of infinity war qnd endgame lowered this displacement to 4 years and the delay from covid reduced it to 3. Since then almost all MCU releases have been consistently 3 years in the future. This can be seen in NWH taking place from August to December 2024. Given this discrepancy, we can assume SM4 will take place in 2028. Normally this would mean that Peter would be 27, however that becomes more complicated with
3. The blip
Peter Parker alongside half of all sentient life was erased from existence for 5 years. As established in FFH, one's legal age is not determined by chronological age (i.e years since birth) as flash Thompson was considered 16 not 21 for the purposes of drinking. This would simply reduce Peter's legal age from 27 to 22, however what complicates thing's further is that the blip wasn't EXACTLY 5 years.
According to Marvel wiki (which may not be entirely accurate, but it's our best guess) the snap occured on May 31st 2018, when Peter was 16 years old and was 2 months away from celebrating his 17th birthday. He returned to life on October 17th 2023, about 10 months from next August. Technically he would be biologically 17 (As in continuously be alive for 6209 days) on December 20th 2023, which would become his new "Biological Birthday"
However considering the fact that he is still considered 16 in FFH which takes place in July and 17 in NWH which starts in August, we can assume that the government bit the bullet and said you only get older for each birthday you're alive for. This has the interesting implication that twins with one born on May 31st and the other born on June 1st who were both blipped would be considered different ages legally by an entire year, but that's beyond the point.
By this system Peter would have turned turned 17 in August 2024, 18 in August 2025, etc with his legal age being 226 days behind his biological one. This Means in 2028 Peter would be 21 Legally, and 22 biologically, and 27 chronologically. Just to add one last cherry on the sundae however, there's the distinct possibility that
4. Peter Lied about his age
At the end of NWH, Peter rented a new apartment in December of 2024. However at this time, Peter would legally be considered 17 and therefore can't rent an apartment in New York without parental approval. This problem could be bypassed if he instead claimed to have been born on August 10th 2000. After all, Dr. Strange's spell did wipe all physical and anecdotal evidence of Peter Parker's existence. As such there wouldn't be any evidence that he wasn't actually that age. Of course one could argue Peter would also need a social security number and birth certificate to get an apartment in the first place, but consider the fact that thousands of undocumented immigrants live in New York. I would not be surprised if Peter could find a landlord who knows to take payments in cash and not to ask questions. Atleast until Peter could get a fake ID that backed up his story.
If this is true, it would put his biological age would be 139 days behind his new legal age and 226 ahead of his old one.
Conclusion
By the time of the fourth MCU Spider-Man movie if it does in fact release in 2025 and take place in 2028, i'd estimate Peter would be chronologically 26-27, biologicalally 21, and 20-21 or 21-22 legally depending on how whether he lied about his age.
For reference, this is the same age Toby's Peter was in Spider-Man 3 making him tied for the oldest incarnation version of Spider-Man in the starring role on the big screen.

[FIRST][LAST]
Atlantis Commission
Officer Report - Lieutenant Colonel John Shepard
CLEARANCE LEVEL 5
Well this had definitely been a very interesting couple of hours. This dimension and its people had very odd opinions and ideas. Apparently the prey species of this dimension were all obligate cowards, whose instincts compelled them to be non-violent and run from threats. At least according to themselves. There were apparently some of them who were “predator diseased” as they called it, a disease which often resulted in increased violence, aggression, lack of empathy, and unheard like behavior. It sounded to me like some form of infectious psychopathy, but the venlil assured us it shouldn't affect us since we were predators, which didn’t really ease my fears, but hopefully it was something we could figure out when we got home if it ever became a problem.
Gotta love mandatory quarantine periods woo hoo!
As scary as this odd disease sounded, my main concern at the moment was to try and turn a professed coward into someone who could at the very least defend themselves.
I looked down to the table of gear ahead of me and then over to the mostly naked Venlil to my side, and then even farther to Tiel’c who thought It would be a good idea to help oversee Farva’s rapid fire training course. I fiddled with the bluetooth earpiece which was rigged up to one of our handhelds to run a translation program to speak directly with the captain. A big step up from our unknowingly one sided communications earlier.
I stepped on the other side of the plastic table and placed my hands down upon it and looked on at my new student..
“Welcome Captain Farva to our very impromptu accelerated course on Human arms armor and basic infantry tactics.” I said gesturing to the hodge podge gear we had managed to assemble for the good captain. “Are we ready to begin?”.
She flicked her ears, somewhat nervously by the looks.
“I’d take it that's a yes then?”
“Oh yes sorry”
“Alright then, well given that most of our crew is human and the only other alien struts around naked all the time, the only gear we have on hand is for humans, So you're going to be running size smalls and it's all going to fit all a bit big” I say as I toss her the tactical vest. ”Here try this on, we can try to tighten it up if it's a bit loose anywhere”. The captain wrestles with the buckles a bit, and Teal'c helps her tighten up some of the top straps, as the Venil’s shoulders weren't as broad as humans. Farva gave Teal’c an odd look, but seemed appreciative none the less.Once finished, she grasped the vest in her paws with interest. “This armor seems quite lightweight, which is nice, weight is often an issue that causes us to forgo armor, since heavy armor would hurt our running ability.” Farva remarks. “Also the sheer amount of pockets seems quite excessive, what do you need all these for?”
“Well for starters it's currently missing these '' I hand Farva one of the armor plates which she looks over. “That is a depleted Naquadria ceramic composite plate. It’s designed to stop bullet impacts and dissipate energy weapon blasts. It slots into that chest compartment in the front and back of your armor.”
“This isn't quite what Id imagine for the armor of your kind”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well judging by your ships I would have imagined you would put more emphasis on defense Your predatory nature would make you less likely to run away from conflict allowing for more encompassing armor to cover more than just your chest, since you have less need to run.”
She would put it like that.
“Well there are a number of reasons for that, a lot to do with those excess pockets you mentioned. For starters you will not be carrying the same amount of gear that the standard infantry unit would normally be carrying, we are preparing you for a quick in and out op. Normally us expedition teams need to be deployed into unknown territory for extended periods of time, we need to carry everything we might need with us from food, bullets, weapons, to comms gear, sensors, repelling equipment etc. The weight from all that gear adds up fast; In order to stay sufficiently mobile and combat effective; we only carry enough armor to protect our vitals, head and torso, anything else can hopefully be patched up by a field medic.”
Tielc gave his piece as well. “It is important to know when to run both towards and aways from one's foes, not every battle can be won through strength alone, but by strategy and cunning. Being able to reposition oneself quickly is therefore highly advantageous”
Farva seemed to freeze at Teal'c's statement, not out of fear I think, she instead had a distant look in her eye. To snap her out of her slump I handed her a standard ballistic helmet.
Seeming to get the idea she looked at it oddly and tried it on. It confirmed to her head shape decently well but depressed her ears to either side of her head, kind of resembling what one might imagine a sad bunny rabbit to look like “I don't think this will be something I can bring with me” she said ” I can't use ear signals and this will muffle my hearing.”
“Why don’t you keep it on for the time being, I think any extra hearing protection might be useful considering what we are about to try next.” I hand Farva some ballistic ear protectors, slightly modified and somewhat ramshackle. “One of the corporals worked closely with Nurse Fila to get an idea for safe decibels levels for your kind, we were also able to get these earbuds molded to fit into your ear canal better”
Farva took them and slipped them in. “These are a bit uncomfortable, what do I need these for?”
“You'll need them for this” I say as I unsnap the clasps on the weapons case revealing its contents.
The content seems to capture Farva’s interest, getting a slight tail wave.
“Okay So this here is a p90, It carries a 50 round top loading magazine of teflon coated armor piercing ordnance. With a cyclical rate of fire of 900 rounds per minute.”
Farvas ears perk up at this. “This seems like an efficient design, I take it these are a flashlight and laser sight for accuracy?” She asked, pointing to the top of the weapon.
“Yes we also have holographic and acog optics which will help line up targets from farther away.” I look on as Farva picks up the weapon and inspects it, testing the weight as I note that it will weigh a fair bit more once loaded. But she doesn't seem to be struggling with the weight. I can't help but notice good firearm safety as well, she keeps her finger well off the trigger and takes care to keep her weapon pointed aways from anyone else.
“This seems like a solid design but I'm not sure how useful those weapon optics would be, as they are not designed for my side facing eyes”
“I'm sure our master at arms can figure something out, why don't we give it a test fire first tho, before we send it off to make adjustments.” I instruct her on how to load the weapon and turn the safety off. I warn her of the sound it makes. And while definitely taken aback by the recoil and sound at first, she quickly gets the hang of it, she has some respectable shot groupings in both single fire and in short bursts. And keeps the rounds reasonably centered while firing in full auto.
She did a whole lot better than I would have initially suspected given her performance in the hanger bay a day before.
“The rate of fire seems useful” Farva spoke “This would be useful for our soldiers, our accuracy falters when we are panicked, and the increased shot count should guarantee some hits based on volume of fire alone” she finished with a dejected expression.
She quickly places the weapon back in its case, as if it burned to touch.” I don't know if I should be armed for this mission, at least not with that weapon, I don't want to miss and hit one of you in the back!”
“What? Nonsense, you are a great shot, and this is just a precaution in case we get separated or flanked and need some covering fire. If our guys are doing their job right you shouldn't need to fire a single round anyways.”
Captain Farva’s breathing started to hasten, earlier I might have thought it was fear, but I was starting to get an idea of what the captain's issues were. I’ve seen this before.
“I.. I can’t be trusted with this responsibility, every time I am left in charge of something, every time people put their lives in my paws I ....”
“Farva, don’t you start with me now you hear.” I said sternly, swiftly capping off her inevitable spiral of self doubt.
“But.. no.. you don’t understand”
Stopping her again I spoke. “But nothing, what happened before on that ship, and back at that colony is in the past. I don’t know your whole situation, but from what I have gathered from the crew It was nothing good. You feel responsible and it's eating away at you, and frankly it doesn’t matter if that's true or not. Accidents happen, people make mistakes, and when that happens we need to learn, take those lessons to heart, and don't let it stop us from helping people in the present. If you let guilt, or fear of mistakes stop you, then bad guys have already won, all without having to have fired a shot”
Farva is quiet for a short time, I was hoping I got through to her, I'm not the best and pep talks and this certainly wasn’t your typical weapons demo, if only everyones could go as smoothly as Ronan’s.
Farva spoke quietly, arms pressed up against her chest, she looked so sad, defeated, and small. Well more than usual anyways. “We can't be strong like you humans, we are too emotional and when we are scared we run away or we lock up and...”
“And that is clearly not the case with you captain Farva” Teal’c finally reentered the conversation having heard enough. “You have shown courage with every action you have taken so far, your actions have saved the lives of many of your crew, every time you have been threatened you acted not just to protect yourself but others as well. You attempted to contend with beings many times your size without even thinking about it, all in the effort to protect others, and this is only in the time we have known you, this speaks nothing of your actions over the colony. You are a warrior of admirable courage Captain Farva, your self doubt is unearned.”
A single tear rolled down Farva’s eyes which she quickly wiped away. “That was very nice of you to say, but I'm not brave like you say, I was terrified out of my mind the whole time.”
Teal’c looked puzzled. “I did not call you brave, I said you were courageous.”
Farva shot back with the little venlil one up one down ear flick I had very quickly learned was confusion.” I'm confused you just said brave twice”
“Hmm it appears your language does not contain the word I am using, I apologize I am not used to speaking through a translator” Teal’c relented “ There are two words I am using admittedly in slightly different forms, bravery and courage. Bravery or to be brave is to lack fear, to not be afraid to begin with. Courage tho, Is a trait far more admirable. Courage is to be afraid, to have fear, to worry about one's own mortality and personal safety. It is to acknowledge risk, danger, to feel fear, but to act in spite of it.”
“Had I not met your kind before I would have thought predators don't feel fear.”
“Everyone fears feel Farva, It is how we overcome it that determines our worth as warriors”
Teal’c picks up the p90 and returns it to Farvas hands.
“Your people need a warrior Farva, a warrior who protects the innocent and guides the lost to safety. You have shown how collected you can be in the heat of battle, You have already proven your worth in our eyes Farva, now you must do the same in your own. The greatest enemy lies not without” Teal’c places his hand firmly on the venlil’s chest “But within”.
After Action Report - Venlil Colonial Defense Force
Subject : Chief Engineer Donu
I fiddled with my holopad, Its small surface area proving to be a consistent source of annoyance in my current endeavor. Gone was the large workspace afforded to me by my holotable back in my office. Instead I had to work with the scaled down portable holotablet I was just fortunate enough to have strapped to my person when I was beamed away from our last ship. I was stuck with its smaller keyboard and slower rendering speeds.
An annoyed smooth skin alien looked over my shoulder at my device, attached to it was a jury rigged fiber optic cable, slotted into a terran silicon to crystal patch cable, which would convert the electrical signals broadcasted by my tablet into a bandwidth that the terrans crystalline based computers; which they used for highly complex tasks like hyperdrive and transporter systems; could use, and then It was patched again in a even stranger connector to patch into the odd asgard computer stones.
All in all it looked like someone tried to plug a regular computer into some crystal construct like you would find in a fantasy holonovel, and again plugged that into a harchen heat rock sauna lounge. Finally branching out from this conglomeration was a simple copper based wire that connects to a computer terminal at which currently sat the late Doctor Rodney Mckay. A title upon initially hearing led me to believe he was a medical doctor, which led to a flurry of medical questions that he had absolutely no means of answering.
While this odd alien nomenclature was interesting, what intrigued me more was his actual area of expertise, theoretical astrophysics, as well as a number of other diverse specialties and fields. Not to mention not only was he a great scientist who had he been raised in the more civilized portion of this galaxy, would have knowledge and aptitude that would put him alongside some of Aafas greatest minds, but he was also an engineer without peer, at least in this galaxy. His interactions with general Samantha Carter hinted at her possibly being his match if not more. For a species that was supposed to glorify violence the decision to have a scientist be arguably the most senior member of what was by their admission a military vessel spoke to their commitment to knowledge and understanding, a very noble prey-like goal.
I looked warily at the lines of code at my screen, the asguard translation program had earlier scanned our ship and was able to parse written languages, but complex files, like images and 3d design schematics were harder to encode and decode from our perspective systems. As is stands we have 3 completely separate computer architectures, the asguard can talk to human computers and the venlil computers can talk to the asguard computers, It sounds like we would have everything we need to get a human C.A.D schematic into a venlil holotablet right? Wrong! And you're stupid for entertaining such a idiotic notion! Parsing text from raw binary is relatively straight forward, you're just looking for patterns, repeating bit combinations that might infer letters and then iterating them over millions of times looking for patterns, letters, words, and then with a bit of help from some undecoded analog audio transmission, spoken language. This is a far cry from actual procedural communication protocols,the ones that allow for file transfers, exactly what we needed if we were to get Rodney's redesigned part schematics into a format and medium that can be plugged into a suitable fabricator. Assuming one still exists, which I can reasonably assume it does.
Speaking of which, I have just made something of a breakthrough. For upon my screen appears a simple geometric hydrogen cube, we’re talking vertices, planes, material data, everything we need for a usable design file.
I let out an excited pent up yip, the culmination of hours of frustrating software integration work. Unfortunately I startled Rodney, who lets out a panicked gasp and clutches his chest pelts with one of his paws.
“Oh god…..” He gasps, pointing at me “Please.. don’t do that”
“Sorry!” I say a bit meekly. I slowly approach him so as to not make him unnecessarily uncomfortable and show him my work.
“I got the file exchange set up, all we need from you is to finish any modifications to your part, upload them to my holopad, and then we can print away at any class 3 or above fabricator we can scrounge up on Brayga colony.”
“Ok.. um.. got it, I'm almost done i’m just you know” He points a lone grasping appendage at his screen,”Running some simulations, making sure everything is up to spec.” keeping his response kurt. “Sorry for freaking out there.”
I nod my head in the human display of affirmation and return to my workstation to further bug check my work, to test potentially problematic edge cases for when he finishes. Tho Rodney's continued odd behavior intruded on my thoughts.
I should have felt empowered, being able to intimidate this ‘massive beast’, but I didn't. I didn't like being feared, his people have been nice to me, Rodney himself courteous to a fault and desperate for positive attention.
I thought I could expect predators to be fearless but that clearly wasn't the case, rodney was fearful, nervous, had I not known better I would say defective, and while it annoyed his crew, they didn't berate him for it, or attempt to assert dominance, they encouraged it even with placating words and tried to help him through it, they encouraged and supported him like a proper herd, even if sometimes it took the form of what the human would call a playful ribbing. I supposed I could help him as well.
I approached him again, careful to make my approach known to him, making sure to approach from within his limited field of vision. He looks up at me with a wide eyed glare, had I not known him I might have assumed it was hunger, but I did and knew it to be concern.
“Uh high Donu.. um whats up?”
“Why are you afraid of us rodney?”
“Wa-What, me afraid?” he gives out a panicked laugh ”uh no no, I'm not afraid, you know just a bit weirded out I'm just getting used to you all, it's not a fear thing it's a a…. Just getting used to new aliens thing, ask Hermirod we went through this whole song and dance right buddy”
Hermirod furrowed his brow and gave an irritated sigh from across the room.
I reached out to take Rodney by the paw.
His whole body flinched at my mere touch, I quickly withdrew my paw.
“Oh.. um.. I didn't…”
“Rodney! It's okay, your crew doesn’t seem to care when you show fear, and neither do I. Why are you afraid of us? You are almost twice our size and surely double our strength, most venlil would scream and run in terror at the mere sight of you. What's wrong?”
Rodney let out a sigh. “Oh its, we don't have to talk about this, I can deal with this, I deal with scary situations all the time, it's fine, I'll be fine.”
“Rodney, my people are a very emotional, empathic people, we are open with our feelings and with our fear, and the fear of the one can affect the herd, please let me help you. I don’t know what to expect from your society but I promise I wont judge you for your fear or emotions, I mean look at many of my crew mates, we are no one to judge”
Rodney shot back “You didn't seem to be so bothered”
“I’m too old to care, I was about to retire, hell I was about to die as far as I knew, Brayga colony was supposed to be a quiet place to lay back, work on some hobbies, plant a garden and pester the young men of my colony until I either dropped dead of boredom or got lucky” I joked.
That seemed to raise Rodney's mood somewhat. He sighed and seemingly relented.
“It’s… a dumb story, I don't even know why it affected me so much, I come from a place on earth called Canada, people don't usually believe me when I say I am from there, us Canadians are notoriously friendly and I guess I haven’t exactly filled that mold for a lot of my life, but hey I'm working on it, people like me, I have lots of friends back at Atlantis” He says the last sentence in a way as if it isn't me he's trying to convince.
“I'm sure you do, Rodney, You seem like quite the charming individual when you're not cowering!”
“Ha ha thanks, maybe you could come and visit sometime. Tell that to doctor Becket, really nice guy, smart man, he would love to meet you, he loves investigating new species. But back on topic, oh boy, so me and my sister Jeannie were on a family trip to rural Vancouver to visit my grandpa's farm, he kept a lot of goats, not for eating or anything, they were essentially pets that he would use for milk”
“Wait hold on? You drink milk from other animals! Do your females not produce enough milk for their young?”
“Oh um no, we just sort of drink it or ferment it into cheese!”
“Ferment? You mean spoil?
“Yeh”
I reeled from this plasma blast of a statement, I like any right minded venlil had a number of nightmares about being an arxur’s cattle before, especially when I first learned about those things in primary school, but never once had it crossed my mind that we could be used for something so weird. What the speh was I supposed to do with that information?
“Maybe you should get back on topic”
“Yeh sorry about that uh.. Anyways the momma goat had just had a litter of babies, and their real cute when their little, so late in the day when my grandpa was asleep we snuck out to the pens so we can play with the little baby goats, our grandpa told us not to but you now how kids are.”
At this I think back to a young Nyan, as I teach him the inner working of the hyperdrive, I tell him he’s not cleared yet to operate in this engine compartment alone, but I could tell from the occasional caught black hairs and dropped writing implements, there had been a number of curious unauthorized expeditions into its inner workings, he didn't really listen either.
“My sister as always was trying to be the voice of reason, wanting to take it slow. If I was paying attention I might have noticed the angry moma goat who didn’t appreciate the strange human messing with her children.”
The color seemed to drain from his face.
“I uh…” He began to stutter again ”I screamed, a lot, it was rather undignified, she ran right at me, thank god it wasn't a male goat, one with horns, I tired to run but I was hit in the back and knocked over and kicked real good in the head, like wake up in the vet clinic a quarter mile down the road kind of bad”
“This goat was a prey animal?”
“That would be what your kind focuses on”
“Oh sorry”
“Anyways It seems dumb but I have just never been good with animals since then, especially ones that look like you; no offense; I'm getting better but when I first saw you guys in the hangar bay, I was just that dumb kid again, getting in way over my head, scared for my life. I guess there is something to be said about childhood trauma. I really should be over this, I'm getting better with it I swear it’s just”
I take his paw again, he doesn't flinch this time.
“I'm a venlil, a prey animal, I know fear, I know what it is to live in fear, It rattles your brain, it turns your paws to wet grains. It takes great strength to overcome it, to push it aside just long enough to protect the herd. Your herd relies on you Rodney and you are doing a great job in spite of your fear, in spite of having to work with those you fear. You have achieved intellectual feats that rival the greatest minds of the federation and all that while struggling with a traumatic experience. Fear isn’t dumb and there is nothing wrong with you for feeling it.”
“Thank you” Rodney says “That means a lot, I won't be like forever I promise, I just need some time.”
“We will laugh about this someday,” I assured. “Nothing as big and intelligent as you should be afraid of anything”
“Are you calling me fat?” Rodney exclaimed with fake offense.
We both chuckled.
My kind words had resulted in a more upright posture, and a more cheerful demeanor from the human, almost like when I congratulated Nyan on his work, and it got me a look at that happy snarl of his, that I was starting to grow quite fond of.
After Action Report - Venlil Colonial Defense Force
Subject : Apprentice Engineer Nyan
Oh wow! I get to write a report for this mission! I never get to write reports, Donu says they're too boring, but there’s so many interesting things going on all the time. Sometimes I sneakily write my own! Just for fun of course, nobody sees them, which is probably for the best as I sometimes get excited and embellish them slightly. One of the reports I wrote was about the time Donu used nothing but a wad of electrical tape, a bottle of high grain venlil alcohol and a pocket knife to repair a venlil medical ship just in time to get out of the way of a big scary space predator, with glowing red eyes and a million tentacles!
Anyways Im not sure If im suppose to write these In present tense first person or past tense. I asked the captain and she said it's whatever so long as I make sure any pertinent dialogues are properly quoted(“”).
“Nobody usually reads these things anyways.” She said, but this one is surely going to be so exciting, who could look away!
I mean who's gonna scoff at a chance to read about friendly predators from another dimension! A dimension of friendly predators who give warm head scratches and hand out yummy strayu not strayu treats called donuts, that are somehow fluffier than strayu, and have a nice moisture to them. I asked for the recipe but Samantha said we wouldn't have the ingredients back on Venili prime to make them, and Teal'c said the recipe is an old family secret. Its weird predators would be so protective of their plant snacks.
There are so many weird things about these predators, they have nurturing instincts that make them find us cute. They stay perfectly balanced even if they don’t have tails, swinging their arms and body all over the place to keep upright like a lopsided gyroscope, it's pretty funny looking!
They also wear artificial pelts all the time, which I thought was weird, I thought maybe the ships temperature was set by the angry gray alien since he’s the only crew member beside the venlil who walks around naked all the time, maybe he had a fit when it was to warm, and the humans obliged him cause they were worried they would make him even angrier, and wore clothes to make up for the cold. I thought this made sense, a lot of their technology does seem to come from the Asguard, maybe he has more say in the goings on of the ship because of that. But apparently humans just like wearing pelts all the time. They feel uncomfortable without them and don’t like it if you try to remove them or look up their upper artificial pelts they call shirts.
The humans are so weird, I don’t even have to embellish my reports to make it more interesting. Like that time with the big tentacled space predator. That may sound real compared to this stuff but it Isn't, Ha! I bet you fell for it at first, hook line and sinker! Like the humans would say. I think I used that saying right, I'm not sure what it means, but Shepard brought it up when he was telling a story about the wraith.
The humans are so nice, instead of exterminating their predators they try to cure them! Their doctors are working to modify the wraith so they don't have to eat humans anymore, so they can be friendly predators too.
Anyways I should probably get to the actual report part of this report. Farva says I should start after I went off with Samantha to work on some special astrophysics equations she said I would be good at. I kind of wanted to go with Donu to help Rodney get the new parts they needed, or Farva to help rescue our people, but the humans and even the angry gray alien got really weird when Farva mentioned taking me on the mission. Samantha seemed to want me to help her really badly so I didn’t mind. Samantha says I have the most important part to our mission. She's teaching me about how humans communicate through subspace, and about stellar drift equations. We are working on what she calls the exit strategy.