Laptop bags code

Update #3 appears at the bottom.
Due to numerous disparaging comments by multiple individuals, I have reposted my article.
Heckling does not change what occurred. People need to know these truths, especially those who have experienced the same. They need to know they are sane, that such things are indeed being perpetrated, and the perpetrators use shame to silence them and protect their activities.
I write to encourage them not to listen to disparaging people who speak without knowledge.
February 10, 2024
I am Joseph Cafariello, a Canadian citizen and ex-member of the Canadian military. Of sound mind, not on medication, not a drug user, not a marijuana smoker, not an alcohol drinker, with no mental disorders.
I recently posted to this Liberty subreddit experiences of harassment by the Vancouver police and fire departments (Vancouver, BC, Canada). I’m the fellow who was repeatedly ordered by police to stay out of Vancouver’s Stanley Park, and was continually harassed whenever I visited the park (which I do every second day on my early morning walks).
I'm happy to say their following me reduced to almost nothing immediately upon posting those experiences here, and people no longer exit their cars to stand on the path as I walk by (which I described in that post). They were either informed of my post or found it themselves, seeing as my internet activity, and phone activity for that matter, are under continuous surveillance (plenty of proof which I will not include here to avoid running off-topic).
In this post, I would like to shed some light on other harassment which is still ongoing, since it occurs in private, away from potential observers. It involves the Canadian and US militaries.
Havana Syndrome
In 2016, numerous employees of the Canadian and US embassies in Havana, Cuba, started experiencing head injuries ranging from mild headaches to concussions. It happened in their sleep, and came to be called Havana Syndrome.
Wikipedia explains (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Havana\_syndrome):
“Havana syndrome is a cluster of idiopathic symptoms experienced mostly abroad by U.S. government officials and military personnel. The symptoms range in severity from pain and ringing in the ears to cognitive dysfunction and were first reported in 2016 by U.S. and Canadian embassy staff in Havana, Cuba. Beginning in 2017, more people, including U.S. intelligence and military personnel and their families, reported having these symptoms in other places, such as China, India, Europe, and Washington, D.C. The U.S. Department of State, Department of Defense, and other federal entities have called the events "Anomalous Health Incidents" (AHI). Of over a thousand purported cases, the majority of US investigative bodies found only a few dozen cases to be suspicious.”
Ladies and gentlemen, I can tell you exactly what happens, because I have been experiencing this since I first joined the Canadian military back in 2002, and am still experiencing these “torments” (as I call them) to this day, already 3 years after leaving the military.
I go to bed. In about 15 minutes, just as I am on the cusp of falling asleep, a hear and feel a heavy thud reverberate and ultimately strike my skull. My body releases a sharp burst of adrenalin, my heart starts racing, and my blood’s circulation speeds up significantly. Depending on the severity of the blow, it can take me anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour to fall asleep again. Though there have been times I could not return to sleep for more than 2 hours.
A strong headache is felt immediately, and lasts for hours. There have been times when my heart felt like it was going to burst, having been startled as such.
The pulse to the head sometimes reverberates through the wall and my bed’s headboard. I distinctly feel as though I have been hit on the top of my skull. At other times, it feels as though the pulse has come through the air, striking the side of my skull.
This is not a sleep disorder, for it does not occur regularly. At times, my sleep is disturbed in this manner 3 or 4 days in a row. At other times, there is no disturbance for up to a week. But they never let me go more than a week without such interruptions to my sleep.
Neither is it sleep apnea, as I do not awaken gasping for breath. The pounding headaches, sudden release of adrenaline, and heart palpitations I experience are caused by external impacts of sound waves or air bursts.
Sonic Weapons
How these pulses are produced is not easy to identify. As Wikipedia explains:
“Once the story became public, various U.S. government representatives attributed the incidents to attacks by unidentified foreign actors, and various U.S. officials blamed the reported symptoms on a variety of unidentified and unknown technologies, including ultrasound and microwave weapons.”
Sonic weapons have been in use for many years by militaries, and by police in crowd control. As Wikipedia explains (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonic\_weapon):
“Some sonic weapons make a focused beam of sound or of ultrasound; others produce an area field of sound. As of 2023 military and police forces make some limited use of sonic weapons.”
(Do not believe the 2023 timeline. The Canadian military has been using these weapons since the early 2000’s at the latest.)
Wikipedia continues:
“Extremely high-power sound waves can disrupt or destroy the eardrums of a target and cause severe pain or disorientation. This is usually sufficient to incapacitate a person. Less powerful sound waves can cause humans to experience nausea or discomfort.”
The users of these technologies must also be using thermal detection equipment to monitor the target’s sleep. As I mentioned, I most often feel these blows the moment I am falling asleep. Body temperature drops when we sleep, and brain activity slows. Heat-detection equipment is likely being used to identify the point at which the target is falling asleep.
Why they prefer to strike at the start of someone’s sleep as opposed to the middle of their sleep, I do not know. Perhaps their intent is to deprive the body of early sleep, limiting the amount of deep sleep available to the person before their alarm rings in the morning.
Ordinary Hammers
Not all such “torments” (as I call them) are caused by high-tech equipment. I have heard and felt distinct hammer strikes running along the 2x4 beams inside my walls. These strikes can be a single hard strike, or several strikes in a row. It is definitely caused by a person with a hammer because the intervals between strikes are equidistant in time; that is, the time spacing between strikes is not random and does not change from strike to strike, but is constant between strikes, exactly as when someone is hammering. And no, it is not someone hanging pictures at 1:30 am, multiple times a week, for years.
On one occasion, when I was standing at my kitchen sink, I felt the floor-board directly under my feet pulse so sharply it felt like a brick had struck the soles of my feet. In this case, my military neighbour likely used a hammer to strike the floorboard on his side of the wall. It is the only plausible explanation.
Surveillance
This leads to surveillance of one’s activities at home. I have plenty of proofs of that. They seem insignificant on an individual basis. But when you put them all together, they present a clear picture of home surveillance.
My laptop computer’s lid cracked one night, at the bottom left corner of the screen. The next day at work, I heard my military supervisor relate to another co-worker that the night before, his laptop computer’s lid cracked at the bottom left corner. I swear to the Lord in Heaven, I am being truthful.
I tested my suspicion of being surveilled. At home one night, I blurted out-loud, “VW Passat. What an ugly sounding word, ‘Passat’”, I said. A few days later, my military colleagues at work started playing a card game at lunch, invented by one of them. The name he gave his game was “Passat”, and when he spoke it, he looked at me for a reaction. If you ever contact the Halifax military base, ask for the Claims Department and ask them if they are still playing Passat.
On another occasion, at a time when I frequented the gym every second day for a few years, I suspected my van had been fitted with a listening device. I suspected so because a number of things I had spoken with people about on my phone while in my van (nothing illegal) were repeated by people at the gym in conversations among themselves. Too many times, parts of other people's conversations matched parts of conversations I had had with others while I was in my van.
I already knew my phone was being tapped, but I also suspected my van was bugged. So one evening while driving in my van, I blurted out-loud a number of things I said I hated. "I hate (this or that)"; "I hate it when...". One of them was, "I hate when people chew gum with their mouths open." I then vocalized an exaggerated gnawing sound, "Gnaw. Gnaw. Gnaw."
The very next time I went to the gym, 2 days later, while I was at an exercise, a fellow sat at an exercise directly behind me. And sure enough, he started chewing with his mouth open, vocalizing that gnawing sound, "Gnaw. Gnaw. Gnaw." I didn't look behind at him, because I knew what was going on, and I wanted to avoid playing into his hand. So he repeated himself again and again until I was done and moved to a different station. Now, honestly, who chews gum at the gym? You can't. Or you run the risk of choking for the heavy breathing, not to mention when laying down on benches. And with precisely the same exaggerated vocalized gnawing sound I had made in my van just 2 days prior.
Their whole intent is to let you know you are being surveilled. They want you to know, as both a warning and a provocation. They want you to say something, to launch accusations, which they would readily deny, making you look paranoid. If you react too strongly, they could even have you diagnosed with some kind of disorder, and put you on medication, which further plays into their hand. (More regarding medications in the last section of this post.)
This is why, as I mentioned in my previous post, they would park their cars shining their high beams on me as I walked past them during my morning walk. And why on some occasions, a group of 3 or 4 would exit their cars and stand on my path just as I approached, forcing me to go around them. They would then remain standing on the path until my return trip through, and after I had passed by the second time, then would then return to their cars - making it absolutely clear I was their interest.
Their intent is not only to make me aware, but also to present themselves in close proximity to me, within easy reach, in the hope I would confront them, resulting in an altercation that could land me in a lot of hot water - 4 witnesses against me, all pleading innocence.
Again, it is all designed to make you look bad, and to warrant some kind of legal measure against you - preferably a medical diagnosis, discrediting you in everything you say about them. If they can't refute your claims, their only remaining option is to discredit you. That's what all of these tricks are designed to accomplish. Who would believe anything you say, once you have been diagnosed with a disorder?
There are plenty more examples. But who would really believe them? I’ll save them for the future.
Home Invasion
Both during and after my military service, I have had my apartments entered without any signs of break-ins. How? Lock-picking and duplicate keys. Indications? Missing objects; ie: money, phone adaptor, etc. Nothing major. Just something to make us understand we are being watched, and to make us understand what they can do.
But it is always something small, something for which you would be ridiculed for divulging.
Two more examples: I found my razor, which I always lay-down razor-end to the wall, turned around, razor-end toward me. Also, in one of my house slippers I found a small shoe sticker on the up-side of the heel. I had those slipper for years, and never had any shoe stickers on them. Yet there it was, clearly visible on the top surface of my slipper, not the bottom. Could I have stepped on a shoe sticker when barefoot in my apartment, only to have the sticker transfer itself to my slipper when I wore it? How many shoe stickers do you have laying around your apartment that you can accidentally step onto?
If I had stepped onto a sticker in my apartment and had it stick to my heel, that means the sticky side was up against my skin. This means the sticker would have had to flip upside down such that the sticky side would then be down, allowing the sticker to stick to the slipper. Do you really think that happened? That sticker was not there when I left my apartment, but it was there when I returned. And it was the wrong sticker, wrong brand, wrong size.
Again, what is their intent? To make someone look ridiculous so no one will believe them should they speak of other more sensitive things.
Staged Incidents
The above incidents clearly point to coordinated and staged events (at my work, my home, on my walks, etc). This is so frequently met with incredulity. "But that would require coordination on the part of so many people," the public dismisses. "They wouldn't do that."
Oh yes they would, and they have, as explained in https://fightgangstalking.com/. Note the documented cases involving the Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS, Canada's equivalent to the US' CIA) and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP, Canada's national police force) in the second quote, which were reported in national newspapers.
From https://fightgangstalking.com/:
“Disruption operations often involve tactics which are illegal, but difficult to prove. These tactics include – but are not limited to – overt surveillance (stalking), slander, blacklisting, “mobbing” (intense, organized harassment in the workplace), “black bag jobs” [home invasions], abusive phone calls, computer hacking, framing, threats, blackmail, vandalism, “street theater” (staged physical and verbal interactions with minions of the people who orchestrate the stalking), harassment by noises, and other forms of bullying. Many of these tactics were used by the FBI during its illegal COINTELPRO operations, as documented by stolen official documents and subsequent Congressional investigations.
"Although the general public is mostly unfamiliar with the practice, references to “disruption” operations – described as such – do occasionally appear in the news media, even though that fact would apparently be news to the editors of The New York Times. In May 2006, for example, an article in The Globe and Mail, a Canadian national newspaper, reported that the Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS) and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) used “Diffuse and Disrupt” tactics against suspects for whom they lacked sufficient evidence to prosecute. A criminal defense attorney stated that many of her clients complained of harassment by authorities, although they were never arrested."
She can add me to that list too.
For the Benefit of Others
The experiences I have recounted here seem so trivial, so insignificant, they make you look ridiculous if you talk about them. But if we don’t talk about such things, no one will ever know about them. Other people have experienced the same, and are forced to endure such torments in silence. They need encouragement to talk about their own experiences, and so I write about mine in the hope they will talk about theirs, even if I do look ridiculous. The perpetrators are more ridiculous for doing them.
I remember a military colleague being hauled away by military police one morning, as she was struggling and having a violent fit. A fellow on her floor told me she was throwing chairs at her walls screaming, “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!”. When he mentioned that, I knew exactly what they had done to her. She was considered unruly, and was being watched intently. They wanted her out, and that is how they accomplished it. Through wall tapping and sleep deprivation, they push you to the breaking point. And when you finally lose control and do something rash, they pounce on you, and you’re out. Now she has a criminal record, considered a criminal when in reality she was a victim. Welcome to the Canadian military, and other militaries besides, I am sure.
There are dozens upon dozens of experiences I could present. But who will really read them? Worse still, who will really believe them? I overheard my military supervisor in Halifax whisper to another, “Do you think he knows?”, after I had mentioned one of the many “coincidences” I experienced, but with a tone of my being aware it was not a mere coincidence. As I turned my face to my computer screen, I whispered under my breath, but still loud enough for him to hear, “Yes, (rank) (name), I know.” A few minutes later, as he walked past my desk, he leaned in by my ear and whispered, “We’re just trying to help you.” I should have pressed him for answers right then and there, but you just don’t know how much trouble you can get into when making such accusations in the military. So I let it go. But I will never forget.
Should anyone reading this ever decide to launch some kind of inquiry, I can mention names of over 100 people to contact, including military personnel, family members, neighbours, building managers, and others who have been contacted by military personnel with false narratives about me. They flash their ID’s and other credentials, and people believe anything they say. They turn family, friends, co-workers and neighbours against you, even recruiting their participation. Your acquaintances not only participate, but actually feel justified and emboldened playing tricks on you. It isn't their fault, though; they have been misled. I would reference them solely for corroboration.
As a final thought, here are explanations of two military programs in which certain persons (sometimes military, sometimes civilian) are kept under constant surveillance, and are in some cases subjected to conditioning in an attempt to turn them into what is called a “sleeper agent”. Almost all of the tactics presented below have been experience by me, including constant surveillance (ie: my previous post here regarding being harassed on my morning walks) and sleep deprivation (as per the top portion of this post, which other military members in Cuba and elsewhere around the world have also experienced).
Pentagon’s Signature Reduction Program
See Newsweek’s article: https://www.newsweek.com/exclusive-inside-militarys-secret-undercover-army-1591881
Some excerpts from that Newsweek article, plus more background information on the Pentagon’s Signature Reduction Program, can be found here: https://fightgangstalking.com/
“The largest undercover force the world has ever known is the one created by the Pentagon over the past decade. Some 60,000 people now belong to this secret army, many working under masked identities and in low profile, all part of a broad program called “signature reduction.” The force, more than ten times the size of the clandestine elements of the CIA, carries out domestic and foreign assignments, both in military uniforms and under civilian cover, in real life and online, sometimes hiding in private businesses and consultancies, some of them household name companies.
“…a little-known sector of the American military, but also a completely unregulated practice. No one knows the program’s total size, and the explosion of signature reduction has never been examined for its impact on military policies and culture. Congress has never held a hearing on the subject. And yet the military developing this gigantic clandestine force challenges U.S. laws, the Geneva Conventions, the code of military conduct and basic accountability.
“…The signature reduction effort engages some 130 private companies to administer the new clandestine world. Dozens of little known and secret government organizations support the program, doling out classified contracts and overseeing publicly unacknowledged operations.
"Federal spy agencies are using Americans to spy on their fellow citizens – the same approach to governance famously employed by communist East Germany."
How to Develop a Hypnotic Sleeper Agent
By Dantalion Jones / Masters of Mind Control
The following “was” on the web, but has been removed. Surprise, surprise. But I saved its web files to my computer years ago, knowing that sooner or later it would be removed. I made a jpeg image of the web page as it once appeared, attached here.
Note that I have experienced almost all of the tactics described below, including the stalking I mentioned in my previous post here (regular walks in the park), the sleep deprivation noted at the top of this post, and the surveillance and intrusions described here as well.
Quoting the now-removed webpage: “How to Develop a Hypnotic Sleeper Agent” (from here to end of post):
Amid all the conspiracy theories one of the most feared is that there exist "sleeper agents" in our society who are programmed to come into service when they are triggered by a phone call or key word.
These alleged sleeper agents don't even know they are programmed to become saboteurs, soldiers, suicide bomber, etc because of the thoroughness of their programming. They are the feared "Manchurian Candidate" that the movies portray.
The question is "Are they real?"
If they are true sleeper agents there is no way of telling until they are activated. One can however theorize exactly how they are made.
Indoctrination
Using indoctrination a person can be made to embrace a religious or philosophical belief that would make becoming a sleeper agent possible.
This would be a person so committed to an ideal they would be willing to wait patiently as a member of society until they are called into action. These people would know their mission and consciously hold it secret while interacting with the rest of society.
Conditioning
Conditioning is a repetitive process where the desired responses are enforced and rewarded and unwanted responses are punished. This can be done consciously as part of training drill and it can be done subconsciously using hypnosis or drugs to create amnesia.
Hypnosis
It has been demonstrated that hypnosis can create "amnesia walls" in which the subject has no conscious memory of what happened in the hypnosis session. It has further been demonstrated that hypnosis can give post hypnotic instruction to be carried out automatically in the waking state without the subject knowing it or questioning the behavior.
What follows is conjecture and theory based on testimonials of people who were alleged to be sleeper agents and soldiers.
Continuous Supervisions
Continuous supervision doesn't mean that the subject is cut off completely from society. It means that they are constantly overseen and every aspect of their lives are managed (without their knowledge or consent) to support their hypnotic programming.
This would include:
• Repeated reinforcement of all hypnotic conditioning.
• Handlers. Handlers are people who help maintain the subjects environment to maintain all the programming. They can play the role of family, friends, lovers, psychologists, coaches or any roll the subject perceives as supportive. The truth is the handlers are their to support the successful fulfillment of the programming and not the subject as a person.
• Minimal sleep so that the mind/brain does not process all the sleeper conditioning during sleep.
• Creating constant environmental challenges like unemployment or poverty. This gives the subject something other than their programming to focus on.
• Frequent hospitalization. This gives overt opportunity to sedate the subject for conditioning. If the subject has a history of hospitalizations for mental disturbances all the better. No one will take them seriously.
Joseph Cafariello
PS... Today is the second day after this post (February 12, 2024). A garbage truck just slammed into my parked car.
PPS... I finish writing this post because I am satisfied with its shape and content; not because of what happened to my car.
It is similar to when you are reaching for your coat, and someone tells you, "Take your coat." Since you have to take your coat, your brain tells you it's ok to obey them, and you comply. They just created an instance where they led you, and you followed them. And your brain accepted it.
It's a technique the military uses all the time. It trains you to accept instructions from that person or group. Done enough times, you become comfortable obeying them.
I just say, "I take my coat because I choose to, not because you tell me to." It's important to make that clear, to block the conditioning and affirm our self-governance; not just to them, but to ourselves as well. Now our brain realizes we took our coat by our own choice; we are still in command.
So too, I say regarding today's event. "Thanks for the warning, but I had already finished writing my post. I finished by my own choosing."
UPDATES: February 26 & March 07, 2024:
My apartment was once again entered while I was out. Either a key was used or the lock was picked. This may or may not have included assistance from building staff. Home invasions are included in the list of their techniques noted above, referred to as "black bag jobs".
All tenants on my floor received new fridges a couple of weeks ago. I removed the tape securing the bins inside my new fridge, and also removed all styrofoam pads from the corners of the glass shelves when I repositioned them.
The person(s) who have been invading my living space on a regular basis have struck again. As you can see in the photo below, the styrofoam pads on the corners of my fridge's shelves were restored when I was out of my apartment. I had removed all pads when I repositioned the shelves. Yet now they are back.
It is a tactic used to undermine our observational awareness in an attempt to make us second-guess and doubt ourselves. The aim is to cause people to feel less sure not only of the things we have done, but also feel less sure of the things others have done. They want us to question the accuracy of our observations and memory.
The idea is to train you to dismiss any anomalies you may observe as being your own misperception of things. Once they convince you not to trust your own judgement, they are free to do whatever they want to you, and you will simply accept it without questioning.
UPDATE: May 18, 2024:
Confrontations with individuals keep occurring, at times potentially violent. Following are just 3 such encounters as of late.
1 - Kick-boxer in the park:
As I parked my car in one of the parking lots in Vancouver's Stanley Park one night, another vehicle drove up behind me and parks several spots away. A tall man exited that vehicle, and walked hastily along the path I always walk, down some steps to the water's sea wall path. I took my time and followed my usual walk, also down the steps down to the sea wall. The man knew my routine, and was in a hurry to get ahead of me.
As I walk along the sea wall, I see the same man sitting on a bench, playing a loud Persian-sounding religious sermon on some device I did not clearly see. As I walked past him, he called out to me to stop and chat. I ignored him and continued walking past him. He rose and started walking behind me.
I opened my umbrella, turned, and walked past him the other way, returning to the stairs back to the parking lot. He also turned and continued following me. I started running. He also started running. I ran up the steps, as did he.
Being taller than I am, his legs are longer than mine, and he quickly caught up to me on a grassy patch at the top of the steps. I turned to him and asked, "Why are you following me?" He did not reply, but stood profile to me, the same stance a kick-boxer uses when ready to kick someone. He was tall, thin, and in excellent physical shape as you would see in a kick-boxer.
He did not speak at all, but was just waiting for me to make a move. I turned, entered my vehicle and left. The encounter continued with a chase through the park in our cars. Yes, that is correct. He chased me out of the park in his car.
2 - Told to keep quiet:
The perpetrators need to operate with as little detection as possible, and they repeatedly warn their subjects to keep their mouths shut about their experiences.
On another of my recent nightly walks through Stanley Park, a man stood on the sidewalk ahead of me about 50 meters away, looked at me, and shouted into the sky at nobody, giving the appearance of being a homeless person shouting for no reason. He then started walking in my direction. I continued walking straight. As he passed me, he leans into my face and shouts into my ear, "Shut the f_ck up!" I continued walking in my direction, and he resumed walking in his.
The idea is to make it seem as though he is just a deranged man wandering the streets at night, shouting at nothing, so that when he shouts at me, any observer would simply dismiss his actions. But in reality, he was sent to send me a message to stop publishing posts like this, which I had done many times on many sites, and continue to. The truth must be known.
3 - You'll be sorry:
On another occassion, while returning from grocery shopping one afternoon, I walked past a man sitting by a storefront. He was clean-cut, wearing clean clothes, without any carts or wagons or any belongings of any kind. As I past him, he asked me for some spare change. I replied, "I'm sorry," and continued walking past. He replied, "You will be."
There are multiple other experience, like two seemingly unassociated men standing on the sea wall about 100 meters away from each other, each of them spitting just as I walked past each of them.
There are too many experiences to mention. Looking at each experience individually, one would easily dismiss them as being unrelated and simply coincidental. But put them all together and a picture starts to form, like putting together the pieces of a puzzle.
As I hand you each piece of the puzzle one by one, you dismiss each piece, saying, "This could be anything." And you discard it. You keep discarding each piece as I hand it to you. By the end of it, you look down at the table and say, "You have nothing." That's because you looked at each piece as a separate item and threw it away. But if you leave the pieces on the table as I hand them to you and do not hastily discard them, you will see they form a clear picture when put all together.
We must look at all these events as a whole. Individually, each one could be anything. But when all of these experiences are put together and considered as a whole, they form an undeniable picture. Do not be quick to dismiss each piece. Leave the pieces on the table and look at the whole. The picture I present is sound. Remember, I have all the pieces; you do not. I see the picture more clearly than you do.
https://preview.redd.it/we31ymcsm91d1.jpg?width=966&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3d56ac3dd3558a60d477ba9315104d1b66b139f8

Here is the updated version of my setup, I have a Ryzen 5 7600X paired with a RTX 4070 SUPER and 32 GB of RAM, please tell me what I need to change/improve.
Also I made my old laptop a second monitor for side tasks such as browsing spotify or looking at the output of my code, it has been really helpful, but sadly the laptop makes so much noise that its driving me mad, the fan is too loud, does anyone know how to fix that? Thanks

Last time I posted on here was to show you my setup, I've looked at the comments and suggestions, and now I can finally say.. here is The Setup V2
Specs: Ryzen 5 7600X, RTX 4070 SUPER, 32GB Corsair RAM. Also I used my old laptop as a second monitor for extra stuff like spotify or viewing my the output of my code, but it makes so much noise so if anyone knows how to fix that, I'll appreciate it.

I had been scouring the web for some time in order to find a good bag to carry my study/work materials (notebooks/laptop/etc) when it happened. I found perfection.
As per usual, perfection comes at a cost, namely the $469.00 price tag on the Croots British Twill Laptop Bag.
https://preview.redd.it/sdj2lgo6z81d1.png?width=713&format=png&auto=webp&s=d6399843bbe26da5acc037e606359874ad100c0b
Thus, as a broke university student, I came here in the hopes of finding an affordable alternative that possesses the same charm.
I understand that finding quality for cheap can be hard, but wanted to try (just in case!).
Greatly appreciate literally anyone who can provide any direction with this.

https://preview.redd.it/rt5g4izve81d1.png?width=150&format=png&auto=webp&s=e92e4177a6720fb59c74fff55aa90e86e208a9db
Howdy, messy roommates. If you felt a bit tickled-pink-to-death by April’s roseate flurry of events, this year’s May just may have the cure with a foray into the airborne, outdoorsy, and adventurous. Thanks as always to Miranda, Bassieeee, and Ray for help datamining. We’ve got our airships, our kites, and our handheld birds, so let’s get our flight gear in check and take off our Zipper constumes (please I’m begging you guys)!
Twitter preview image for May 2024 in Pocket Camp

• Version Codes
  
  • v5.6.0 was 61b5c, v5.6.0b is 45822.
  • This is a client-side update that should not require downloading a new version of the app.
• May Seasonal Event – Village-Green Lazy Day
  
  • It’s with great embarrassment that Pete regretfully admits why there was no Valentine’s Day this year… Some troublemaking slingshotter hit clean through his mailbag, scattering all this year’s love letters in the snow! With Wilbur and Orville taking over, Pete is taking a little spring break sabbatical from all the stress… These breezy days are perfect for daydreaming about his longtime love, Phyllis. “Do you know what she said to me the other day? ‘What are you looking at?! Wipe that dopey look off your mug!’ Oh, my heart… Her billed lips are so beautiful when they speak such harsh words!” But while Pete relaxes, there’s still work to be done! This May, we’ll be participating in Harvey’s Colorful Picnic gardening event, the Kite Flying Fishing Tourney, and the Hide-and-Seek Scavenger Hunt to collect 30 wildflower bouquets from each for a total of 90 wildflower bouquets available from events this month. The more bouquets you gather, the more outdoorsy prizes you’ll receive through the planner including handheld foxtail and wildflowers, grassy napping spots, and the grand prize, the wildflower rest spot! We’ll need to forage deep in the woods to gather all the love letters scattered months ago… and hopefully even Pete’s treasured missives to his beloved would-be missus! (Not that she would ever agree…) May’s amazing, not-so-lazy days begin with Harvey’s Colorful Picnic a little early on April 30th GMT!

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• May Terrain – Village Green
  • May’s new terrain set ushers a civic springtime atmosphere into your campsite with a verdant park square replete with striking fountains, blue flowerbeds, weirdly cubic trees, and a rustic clocktower standing watch. What’s more, this terrain’s middle ground will be given to all players—a little awkward without the foreground to complete the water path, but you can get a little creative and hide the rift with other water features or large-scale decorations. The background includes a homey albeit bustling, old-fashioned town and a blimp roving the airways while the sky adds fresh greenish, teal, and gold hues to your vista you might not often see. Your visitors might not exactly be green with envy considering everyone’s getting this terrain, but they can still park their rears to enjoy your campsite’s outdoor amenities when this terrain set of middle ground, foreground, background, and sky becomes available April 30th GMT.

Tip screen for the village green terrain; auto-designer images using the village green terrain and items from May's main three events; event preview image for Harvey's Colorful Picnic gardening event

• May Gardening Event – Harvey’s Colorful Picnic
  • Harvey’s not sure why his beloved Harriet never responded to his thoughtful love letter a couple months ago… But he’s totally not gonna let it get him down! With the breezy, clear weather, it’s the perfect time for this free-spirited nomadic dog to have a picnic with his favorite pals… and put his aspiring photography skills to good use to document the event with a panoply of pics to post on social media. Harriet is bound to see it and know for sure that he’s not pining for her day and night! But for the picnic to work, we’ll need to plant daisy seeds to attract sandwichbees… The prospect of eating these creatures is a bit disturbing to stomach, but just think of them as lively kebabs! More importantly, sticking enough of bite-sized buzzers will earn fixings for a festive picnic including flag garlands, take-out drinks and sandwiches, and shaded picnic blankets! Completing this event in full will also yield 30 wildflower bouquets as part of May’s Village-Green Lazy Day campaign, so be sure to replant and exchange bugs with friends often! With outdoor hors-d’oeuvres and sportive knickknacks, it’s the almost-perfect respite between RV outings… Now if he could only get them to call him “Harv” like she used to… Stuff down your doggone feelings with a refreshmental health break when the groovy gardening begins April 30th GMT.

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• Rudy’s Airship Cookie
  • Maybe it’s a resemblance to a certain reindeer, but Rudy’s always taken as much pride in delivering goodies as he does in his favorite pastime of taking to the skies with inflatable aircraft… He’s not especially careful aboard these dirigibles or hot-air balloons… but if he finds himself freefalling from these feline-friendly floats (and it’s happened many times before), he always manages to land on his feet. So when he spied a love letter addressed to Harriet lost in the brush on one of his airborne outings, Rudy saw it as his civic duty to trustily tend to its safe delivery… And to make sure his noble act of inspiration inspires as many as it should, he’s taken the opportunity to hire a bountiful brigade of blimps and balloons to celebrate the letter’s airborne journey, no expenses spared! For no other particular reason, it’s a raucous, helium-fueled festival starring an airship helmed by Boomer (who has no time for such foolishness but takes his piloting task with utter seriousness), and animals have come from miles around to watch the airshow as Rudy suddenly realizes how hard it is to make out Harriet’s address from the frankly indecipherable scribbles on the envelope. And what is “Harv”? Is that even a word? With refreshments from the balloon-fest food cart, viewers watch the proceedings through their handheld opera glasses as Rudy makes his grand pronouncements over the intercom of his 5-star balloon-fest airship. “Thanks everybody for all your support in completing our big mission. We were gonna hand-deliver this letter originally, but we figure there’s a pretty good chance this ‘Harriet’ is in the crowd somewhere, so we’ve made the decision to helpfully read it out loud for her own convenience, and also to, uh, save fuel and the environment. Ahem: ‘TO MY DEAR SWEET HATTIE. YOUR PRECIOUS PINK FUR IS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN THE FRESHEST MORNING PEONY. BUT THIS AIN’T NO PUPPY LOVE. YOU’VE TRIMMED THE UNTAMED HAIR OF MY HEART INTO A PERFECTLY COIFFED COAT THAT KEEPS IT WARM, AND NO OTHER GAL WILL ’DO! SORRY, I NEED TO WRAP THIS UP—THIS ANNOYING BIRD ON MY HEAD KEEPS TUGGING AT MY HEADBAND. FUREVER YOURS, HARV. PS: THIS LETTER IS FOR HARRIET’S EYES ONLY.’ Wow, well, that definitely wasn’t worth this big party... Uh, let’s go find some more lost mail to rescue, Boomer—mush, mush!” Launch into the catmosphere to jubilantly help out animals in need with a spy-high view of all their business when this read-nosy cookie launches May 1st GMT!

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• Airy Picnic Outfit Collection
  • You can carry your merry little derrière a little airier with this crisp attire featuring the colors of blooming spring flowers, comfortable blue skies and ponds, and even your favorite manilla folder. And even if you live in a pollution-ravaged landfill, you can still see the striking, verdant greenery of spring through the keen lenses of the green picnic sunglasses! Make sure life’s a picnic with this cookout-ready clothing collection served hot off the grill May 5th GMT.

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• Blue-Sky Wall & Floor Collection
  • This expansive wall and floor collection might come in handy if you want to transform your cabin or RV into a well-kept city park or attempt an interior design that takes place entirely midair! We’ve had a couple sky and cloud wallpapers before but none before that featured a swarm of balloons like in that disturbing number from the Brave Little Toaster Mars movie. The vintage-style illustrations of the plentiful-picnic wall will also harken back to simpler days of rustled-up breakfasts on rustic vacations at the family cabin or on the open road. Look for these vagrant and free-floating designs when they release May 10th GMT.

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• Grasshopper Goals
  
  • You have much work to do, young grasshopper. But it’ll probably be pretty easy. This misleadingly named rerun of an April 2022 goals event will see the return of Animal Crossing mainstay and Pocket Camp common insect long locust to Sunburst Isle, where you can find it hopping about the tropical grass—make sure not to step on one! They only sell for 10 Bells, so you might find them to be more of a nuisance than an asset after you finish catching enough for your standard Leaf Tickets and Rudy's airship cookie. But they’re sure to hop along when this goals event concludes after May 11th – 14th GMT.
• May Fishing Tourney - Kite Flying
  
  • For May’s fishing tourney, we’ll be gliding over to Saltwater Shores to catch an ironically grim assortment of monochrome fish from tourneys past. String enough of these sable sea fish together to unfurl prizes you can let sail into the wild blue yonder like colorful stacked kites and a birdy parachute toy—perfect for May’s spring breezes. Handheld pinwheel toys and even colorful wind socks make appearances as well, likely as loving references to the Gamecube days where wind socks could be spotted in May and players could carry pinwheels around as rare handheld decor. Completing this event in full will yield 30 wildflower bouquets as part of May’s monthlong Village-Green Lazy Day campaign, so be sure to set up your rod, reel and string every 3-hour rotation you can. You might get a few bites… or a few kites to catch a gale of a tale! Turn your attention upward and decorate your campsite skies with this colorful assortment of draft-ready aircraft… And while we don’t have any stormy or windy terrain still (tragedy of tragedies), you can still pair this with items from last June’s Drizzly Daydream Scavenger Hunt with its windblown grass and trees to complete the picture of a windswept, fun day. And if there’s any animals bothering you, tell ’em to go fly a kite when this winding race to the skies kicks off May 12th GMT, ending May 18th GMT.

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• Special Visitor Furniture – Pete's Petite Post Office
  • With collected letters fluttering back in, it’s not too late for Pete to roll up his sleeves and start sorting the retrieved mail in his simple post-and-beam treehouse… as long as Twiggy’s pet birds quit harassing him. With this special visitor furniture, you can install Pete’s rustic postbox in your cabin or at your campsite and listen to him regale you with lofty thoughts on the lost arts of mail and romance… You can even do some matchmaking by combining it with Pelly’s postal counter to see if Pete will be too busy mooning over Phyllis to notice the admiration of her sister down below… Clear up a mess of messages with mailman whose treetop cubby is as well-billed as its drama when this pillary, pelicanny post goes on sale May 15th GMT!

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• Twiggy's Chirpy Cookie
  • With the muddy trail of Curly gone cold, Detective Beardo has had to return to field the mountain of requests on his desk for his P.I. services, but one lonesome plea stood out from a Java sparrow by thname of Peck… “You’ve gotta help me, crunch. I finally achieved my dream of a solitary bird sanctuary all of my own. Then the next thing I know, I’m getting kicked out by Lyle with a whole series of lawsuits, and this birdbrain named Twiggy moves in! I don’t like the way she’s looking at me, Beardo! She keeps calling me her super-cute pet and won’t let me leave—she says it’s too dangerous for a bird like me. Is anybody home in that hollow noggin of hers, crunch? These wings of steel can beat up anybody! Holy moly, and the racket around here! She moved in with eighteen flocks of the loudest birds alive. I’m lucky if I get two winks of sleep! Peck’s Peaceful Paradise is a thing of the past—now it’s Twiggy’s Tweedledeelightful Chirpatorium, and she says she’s opening a new branch of Flora’s bird and breakfast retreat! When I tell her how hard I’ve worked these muscles to get here, she says that’s ‘just the way things are’ and the ‘fortune cookie powers that be’ have this stuff all hammered out! I’m not afraid to say it, Detective—I really need your help! I’m starting to think there’s something a little sexist here about who gets to have what fortune cookies, but I don’t wanna ruffle any feathers.” With a sparrow in harrowing straits, and never one to turn away from fowl play, Beardo and his trusty sidekick Merengue book the first flight out to Twiggy’s brand-new bird haven… only to find that Peck is nowhere to be seen! They check every nook in the bird-haven birdhouse, try to interview bird-lovers lounging on the redundantly named bird-haven birdy sofa… but with all the colorful bird-calling and caterwauling going on around them, they can scarcely hear any potential leads! They meet with Twiggy at the 5-star bird-haven tree, but it leads to more chicanery than answers… “ISN’T THIS PLACE THE TOTAL BEST? IT WAS SUCH A SNOOZEFEST BEFORE I GOT HERE, AND NOW IT’S, LIKE, A CHIRPY CHOIR CACOPHONY DELIVERED STRAIGHT IN MY EARDRUMS! WHAT’S THAT? WHERE? PECK? UH—I GUESS ON THE CHEEK, BUT ARE YOU SERIOUS? I JUST MET YOU! TALK ABOUT CHEAPERS CREEPERS! OH, YOU MEAN THAT HIGHTAILED HOTTIE WHO WAS HERE A COUPLE MONTHS AGO? I HAVE, LIKE, NO CLUE WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM, BUT I CALLED DIBS, SO IF YOU SEE HIM, HANDS OFF!” There’s no trace of Peck to be seen, but just then, that’s when Beardo and Merengue spot it—a handheld java sparrow perching on Twiggy’s forewing! This seems a dark coincidence… Did Peck make a brave avian escape, or did this burly boy-chick meet a perilous fate as a pet?! Beardo and Merengue keep watch on every bird and bird-watcher in this pet-filled paradise, but mum’s the bird among the patrons and no one’s making a peep… Just a cuckoo commotion that they can’t help consider would drown out a Java sparrow’s cry for help… Try to reach the bottom of a cheep trick of bye-bye birdie when this birdcagey cookie makes some noise May 17th GMT!​

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Tip screens for Twiggy's chirpy cookie, the Bright Bird Outfit Collection, and the Birdy Wall & Floor Collection

• Bright Bird Outfit Collection
  • May’s second clothing collection works as a companion to Twiggy’s fortune cookie. It’s bright, it’s birdiful, and it’s very LOUD with bird-emblem tunics and long cardigans in, ahem, very strong colors that will certainly make a statement flapping in your viewer’s face. We reached out to Robin for her thoughts on this collection’s bird bags… “So undignified. I can’t imagine people would be too pleased if I started wearing plastic people bouncing around my derriere, carrying my loose change, hm?” Being a crazy cat lady is so 8 months ago… Become a crazy bird lady (or a crazy bird lord!) when this collection flits in on May 18th GMT.​

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• Birdy Wall & Floor Collection
  • This set of ravin’-avian designs will set the heart aflutter of anyone who has birds on the brain… (for anyone else… they’re not bad). You can capture the visages of birds forever in the bird-photo wall or cavalierly set them free with the bird-window wall. If you enjoyed last June’s lily pond wall but feel like it was just a little too beautiful, the park-pond wall here will do you nicely. Get a little cocky with these bold patterns for your cabin or camper when this flock of refurbishments alights May 18th GMT.

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• Threadfin Trevally Goals
  
  • This oddly timed rerun of a November 2021 goals event will see the return of the threadfin trevally to Saltwater Shores in the form of tiny-size shadows (size 1 of 6). They sell for 400 Bells each at base price and are uncommon-tier when gifted to animal campers, so not a bad catch, but if your interest in this wispy fellow is dangling by a thread, or a fin, you can still nab some Leaf Tickets and an Rudy’s airship cookie for your trouble during this limited-time event from May 19th through 22nd GMT.
• May Scavenger Hunt – Hide-and-Seek
  
  • For May’s scavenger hunt, we’ll be searching the very best hiding places around the various recreation spots to spy hide-and-seek gyroidites. And watch out for their extra foliage as camouflage… even their bushes might be hiding behind bushes! Ferret out enough of these stealthy sneaks to earn prizes for a recess-ridden recreational park, crammed with nooks where animals can hide for classic games of hide and seek… some of them more effective than others. (I’m looking at you, Al.) Judging by the Happy Homeroom classes, the most likely Leaf Ticket items are the hide-and-seek slide and jungle gym, and then either the hide-and-seek lightpost, pipes, or drinking fountain—just some speculation, though. Completing this event in full will yield the final 30 wildflower bouquets to complete May’s monthlong Village-Green Lazy Day campaign, so be sure to keep the hunt on even past sundown (and check out the quarry and your campsite animals too!) to finish off the month in sneaky style! This outdoor décor makes for a calmingly mellow ode to nostalgic days from childhood (and from Animal Crossing: City Folk and New Leaf!) that will make finding your campers for your daily chats more ~~frustrating~~ I mean fun than ever! Hunt for gyroidite and animals when this oxenfree-for-all begins May 20th GMT (ending the 30th GMT)!

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• Curlos and Pals
  
  • While there isn’t technically much datamined here, this update did add an animal batch under the name of “Curlos and Pals” to the date of May 25th GMT. It seems this will be after the next update as map assets haven’t actually been added yet for this batch, but we do know that “Gwen and Pals’ Island” will be joining Curlos’s island, likely as part of this batch. With only 8 animals left— Benjamin, Biff, Curlos, Gwen, Sydney, Velma, Freckles and Mott—it seems likely this means they will be finished releasing all the animals at the end of this month, but as of now, this is unconfirmed.
• Happy Homeroom
  
  • This update included the typical 3 classes each for Harvey’s Colorful Picnic gardening event, Rudy’s airship cookie, the Kite Flying Fishing Tourney, Twiggy’s chirpy cookie, and the Hide-and-Seek Scavenger Hunt, as well as 8 classes each for new normal Courses 53 and 54.

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And that’s all of May’s merriments! Our fellow dataminer Koopavocelot has also spotted a noteworthy notice that may be coming this month but no info yet on its contents… Hopefully it’s not some sort of end-of-times apocalyptic alert with the last of the villagers likely coming out this month. Er… right? As for June, we’ll probably get the Twitter preview in only a week’s time. June is often themed around seasonal rain or weddings as they’re what the month is known for in Japan, and given that we just had a windy-themed event this month, I’d expect more of the latter matrimania for next month’s events. But who knows? We might get some of both in a dewy bridal shower! (Or maybe something completely different.) I’ll aim to have that datamine posted for you fine folks when the update drops ASAP. Until then, thanks for reading, and remember, even if a bird is super-hunkalicious, that doesn’t make it okay to keep him as a pet!
—Woodsy

This is hilarious! Does she think birth is easy and glamorous!!!