Long story short, I want to understand this game, but everywhere I have looked, it never explains the game in non-gambling lingo and simply not in the know enough to understand what it's telling me. I would really appreciate if someone could explain this game to me without using lingo (or at the very least explain the lingo), additionally if possible, could you provide examples in your explanation, that would help my understanding greatly. Also, I would like to understand how payout works for this game because I want to play this with my friends, and knowing how to do payout is kind of important. Also, for the record, we would just be using non-monetary chips for scoring our craps game.
Thank you in advance

I don’t remember most of my childhood, I rember being woken up at 3 am for not putting a broom back right or forgetting to wash a dish. I remember being hit in a red room with tarps on the floor to catch paint drops. I remember my mom telling me and my sister that we caused her cancer, and seeking attention as a kid on the playground. I remember texting my friends in grade school when I wanted to kill myself and my parents finding it and never getting me help. I remember taking intervals between being in push-up position and in the corner as my dad banged on things as he yelled. I remember when me and my sister rushed to wash dishes and have a sparkling kitchen and being so afraid that when he came home he would hit us. I remember my dads birthday when I ate some of his pie and he yelled at me so much I went to my room and I wrote down everything I hated about myself and hung it up and motivation to change. I remember the first time I self harmed after my dad had an especially bad day and yelled all afternoon about why he disliked me and my sister. I remember my dad putting me and my sister in push up position in an ace hardware store. I don’t remember my parents much, they seem like foggy blobs that taunted me when I tried to speak. I don’t remember who I was as a kid, I know I was annoying and too loud. That I loved physical contact with my mom because she was warm and felt safe for the most part. Other than that I forget how life was and wasn’t. I think that now I’m severely fucked up, I don’t know my parents as people. I don’t really know anyone and I think I hate myself for that. I don’t think I’m a real person most of the time, I don’t know if anything actually happened and I’m just being delusional but I feel like something did. I feel like more happened and it kills me that I don’t know more about that time in my life. I don’t remember anything anymore about my life. Sometimes I’ll wake up, go into the kitchen and think, “am I real? Are my parents real? Did I make this all up in a way to hurt and comfort myself ? Why am I here if I’m in such pain?” And I wonder if I’m actually a child or just a fucked up young adult who can’t fend for themself?

I am (25F) about to graduate from university, have no job or internship lined up and have been told or implied in conversations in the last 3 years that I have and am making a grave mistake by wanting to start my career in my home country and that because I lack ambition I have doomed myself to mediocrity.
My supervisor is shit-- doesn't respond, does not help. He even gaslit me into believing that I am a fool and that I should be thankful that I have him as a supervisor.
My degree is in humanities. It's a shit subject to be in, especially in this economy. Too far in to let go at this point. To this day I feel I should have pulled my socks up and stuck with STEM even if I had to die for it.
Friends around me have jobs and stable careers. They are growing and here I am with nothing to show for all the years of education and experience.
Got rejected by all the jobs and internships I applied for. The number is over 20. Botched the one positive call I got.
My parents have expressed their unyielding love but there is still the underlying feeling that I have to do better, have to succeed because I am a woman. A daughter. I don't want to be a parasite or a shame on them. They have worked so much to ensure both their daughters got the best.
My elder sister is not doing well career wise and hers has stagnated to the point that my parents, despite not wanting to do it, unconsciously superimpose my sister's trajectory on to mine. It hurts as much as it scares me because it makes me feel I am doomed to not succeed.
Before you say, go to therapy, try meditation, be thankful, mindfulness, journal, think about all that you're missing, you're being excessive, go on medication-- I have done it all. I have been doing it for two years and it's not working.
I don't want to stick around. It'll be easier on me, on them. No need to worry about a second daughter, another unsuccessful child. At this point, an eternal vacation sounds better than live through the shame of being alive.
What do I do ?

My GC sister (27f) is emotionally manipulating me (25f) with her kids and guilt trips. I’m fine with all the help I’ve done for her as it was out of the kindness of my heart, but she always likes to throw things she’s done for me, back in my face, or tries to embarrass or confront me only in front of others even though we have been texting on several other social media accounts. The help I’ve given her can never be repaid, as I’ve given her money, time, and energy to raise her kids and get her out of a bind time and time again. I don’t want to be resentful as I saw a good quote about not being able to pay back debt. The thing is, I didn’t view it as a debt until she started acting like I’m shortchanging her, like I owe her something. I’ve never even gotten a thank you, but it wasn’t a big deal, but if she’s going to have a double standard I can only tally and count everything I’ve done for her is more than her husband has ever given her and they’ve been together for over 10 years. I get so angry I can’t even talk to her anymore. Normally I’m okay with all the comments on my clothes, hair, body, I am under a microscope when I visit. And on top of that, I don’t tell my whole family when I’m visiting as there is not enough time or energy for me to visit everyone in the day or two I randomly get to visit, she will tell EVERYONE that I came by. Like you’re making me look bad, you’re making our family upset, and you’re making me not want to visit or talk to you because you twist everything I say. Why do you keep doing stuff like that? Why isn’t there ever any respect for me? You always slander my name and now I just don’t care. I feel so much better now that we are VLC. She doesn’t really get it I guess tho because she keeps calling and texting me everyday even if I don’t respond. And the thing is we’ve NEVER be close or talked a ton. She never wanted to be close. She was always bullying me mentally and physically, and when her husband put his hands on me she got mad at me. Now her calling me everyday just pisses me off. And If I don’t send her some kind of supply she will get the rest of the family I don’t even talk to to tell me to stop being mean to her even though most of our fights are initiated by her. As she is now chronically ill, she doesn’t have the physician leverage over me anymore (6’1GC, and me 5’5 SG). So now she either rages or starts acting really clingy. It’s driving me crazy. Idk what to do I feel like I backtracked so hard inviting them back into my life, idk what to do next if she’s so persistent despite my lack of returning her messages. I do help her financially, but I have stopped as I am in school and working part time. And I have no car, school loans, and no savings, I’ve given her everything I had, because she made me feel like I owed her and later learned she helped facilitate a lot of problems my Nmom caused for me financially. Being around them causes me anxiety, and I forgot that I didn’t have to see them anymore. Crazy right? I’ve just been on go mode after my bfs Covert mom moved in with us begging for some place to stay because she was mad her friend didn’t want to be with her even though he did a ton for her. He gave her $7,000 to find a place. She bought a ton of stuff off Amazon, never paid her share of bills, and never cleaned. She’s triangulated me and my bf for 8 months straight. It took me back to when my mother kicked me out. Having to walk on eggshells, finding new sabotages done by her daily. Like putting her bidet wash clothes under my bath towel instead of where it’s been for months. Like letting it touch. She hated me. She loved her son like you could tell she thought they were dating. He obviously didn’t stick up for me but didn’t want me to leave on my own. She never apologized to me but she apologized to him after she disowned him because he told her that if she wasn’t going to be helpful she could wait in the car, when we were moving and we have BOTH helped her move and she bothered me DAILY for helping her with her projects. On top of not cleaning she had three long hair cats, fought with only the neighbors children and never the parents, yells at everyone, and overall super moody and unpleasant to be around. She sent me PARAGRAPHS. About how hurt she was because she thought I was mad at her. And my bf made me tell her if I was or wasn’t and I asked her and she wouldn’t answer. I’ve been feeling so alone. I’m supposed to graduate college next term and my sister expects to be invited and she’s never asked me about school or anything. No one in my family has. She only talks about herself. Am I narcissistic since I keep attracting the same people with different faces. I don’t got for them they come to me and LATCH. I’ve only picked 3/7 for friends the rest were just victim of circumstance. Do you guys have this problem?

I came across two questions from another sub linked here which inspired me to write these two questions.
https://www.reddit.com/arabs/comments/10dqy9i/had_a_conversation_with_my_sister_about_this_and/ https://www.reddit.com/arabs/comments/jv3r7g/what_do_you_think_is_a_realistic_solution_to_the/
I noticed trends in both the threads. So for the first one Arabs were asked if they would befriend an Israeli and I noticed a number of common responses to the first question. Almost everyone said they would befriend a Jewish person just not a zionist Jew and certainly not a Pro Israel, apartheid, nakba denying Israeli. Others flat out said no, they wouldn't be friends with a genocide loving colonizer or they referenced Israelis they liked like Gideon Levy I think his name was, and I'm surprised Miko Peled wasn't brought up or Illan Pepe. Others just said as long as they're not an extremist or if they're a non zionist or left wing Israeli they would. A few people pointed out that nobody controls where they're born so others operated under that pretext. There was also an assumption that if they were friends with an Israeli they wouldn't recognize their humanity. One person there mentioned being friends with an Israeli as long as he doesn't take pride in it and they would even call him a Palestinian.
The second thread in the same sub was about a solution to the conflict. One person said they wanted to restructure Israeli society so it's fair to Palestinians and possibly remain it Palestine or call it Israel/Palestine. A few wanted a 1ss secular state with Israelis and Palestinians living in it. Others were saying if they could prove to Jews that such a society would protect and they would be a respected minority in Arab countries then more Jews then they believed more Israelis would accept a 1ss including a full right to return. Another user wanted to leave it to destiny to solve the problem. I noticed there are Palestinians in the sub who wanted access to all their homeland and right of return and citizenship to all Palestinians and Jews around the world, other user advocated for Palestinian military might and once that happens they will see how quickly Zionists will compromise for peace or calling for ethnic cleansing of Israelis or not wanting to share the land with colonizers.
I realize looking at the questions from the same sub this is going to be very difficult. I wonder why this conflict out of all the others hasn't been solved while other conflicts have been resolved you can say or no longer at the point where they're fighting anymore. I spoke to a Palestinian over discord who wanted a two state solution 1967 borders I think, with East Jerusalem as their capital and allowing the jewish settlers to live there as kicking them out would be difficult and didn't stress a right of return. Another Palestinian I spoke to was fine with a 2ss but with Jerusalem as the capital. I don't know if I believe him or not but he said if they have Jerusalem as their capital they would be satisfied. Now for the two questions.

1. Was is your solution to the Israel/Palestine conflict? What changes would you make with Palestinian or Israeli society, who would you like to see in charge of both places?
2. If you're an Israeli, or Jewish non Israeli how have your interactions been with Palestinians? Palestinians how are your interactions with Israelis or Jews been?

From my experience I met nice Palestinians ones who live in Israel and ones from Nabulus and many of them were nice excluding the racist ones and I told a few of them my story of my holocaust survivor family member immigrating to the British Mandate (now Israel) we had great conversations and they spoke about being against Hamas and the Israeli gov and just wanted the cycle of killing to stop.

Like for example, say Disney agrees to add Toy Story characters or something on the condition they can't carry a gun. But can still appear in kid friendly modes.
With BR being by far the most popular mode, it would severely limit the amount of people that would buy it but I could totally see it opening the gate to skins that we might otherwise not get at all.
I wonder if the restricted sales would discourage Epic from even considering it.

It’s pretty much the title. But i feel like we could use a palate cleanser from some of the awful people we see here on Reddit.
I’m Catholic, and for the first 6 years of my education, I went to a private Catholic school. In kindergarten, me and my twin brother (19f, 19m) had a friend, Wyatt (19m). My mom (54f) was his mom’s RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) sponsor, so we ended up spending a lot of time together as kids. In 4th grade, my brothers and I transferred to a different school, and we fell out of touch with Wyatt and the rest of his family.
Fast forward to 2022. My mom is at Costco, and she runs into Wyatt’s dad, Mike. The two get to talking, and they say how they want to get us kids together. That didn’t happen until about a year later. In August of 2023, we went on a joint family camping trip, and every so often when I’m home for the weekend from school, we’d do other family things. We’ve gone zip lining, axe-throwing, hiking, done escape rooms—basically just fun family stuff. It was around that first camping trip that Mom and Mike made things official. For the last four months or so, all of us kids have known on some level that they were going to get married.
They aren’t super over the top around us kids, but we do feel like one big dysfunctional family. It can be really stressful at times for me to be around so many people all at once, but I like it. My younger brother (16m) and Mike’s second son (17m) are already like brothers, and I’m slowly getting closer to his daughter (15f). She’s a sweet girl who’s super tomboyish like me, and we’re each other’s sister we never had.
Mom and Mike had another camping trip planned for this weekend, but I had a previous commitment with a friend, so I stayed home (the benefit was that Mom didn’t have to ask anyone to take care of the dog or the chickens lol). As my friend and I were driving home from our plans today, I was texting with my mom when she said she had a question for me. Seeing as she’d entrusted her house to me, my mind started going worst-case scenario when she said that. I played it cool, and I responded with “Shoot.” She then sends me a picture of her hand with an engagement ring on, and the caption was “Will you be my maid of honor?”
Apparently, she and Mike had hiked to the top of a mountain (they go on hiking trips a lot) and at the top of the mountain, he popped the question. My mom and I had discussed the potential wedding between her and Mike, and she’d said that she only wanted me and Mike’s daughter as her bridesmaids. That said, I accepted. My mother also watches our potato queen’s videos and has seen enough delulu bridezillas dump all the planning on their MOH, and she told me that I will not be responsible for any planning. I will still attempt to plan a bachelorette, which will probably be a tea party in the backyard because I’m not old enough to drink and my mom isn’t a drinker. (But if anyone has ideas for a bachelorette that a college sophomore can throw together, they are greatly appreciated.)
I haven’t even seen my mom’s face, but I was able to feel how happy she is over our texts, and I’m just as happy for her. For the last 10 years, she’s put aside her own needs and focused on making sure my brothers and I were taken care of. She’s bent over backwards for us to make sure we had whatever we needed, all while teaching middle school. My mom is an actual superhero. After all these years of her taking care of us, it makes me so happy and gives me peace of mind that she has someone to take care of her now.
I couldn’t have picked a better guy for her because not only is Mike good to her, he’s good to me and my brothers. He helps my twin get involved with jobs and is good with his boundaries. Whenever he’s working in the same area my college is in, he offers to take me to lunch, and he’s been to both of my orchestra concerts. He helps my other brother work on cars and was there for every ROTC drill competition. Basically, he’s been the father I always wished I had but didn’t get to grow up with. Well, better now than never.

(Spoilers for S3 pt1 and Queen Charlotte)
… from dating my (dead) ex affair partner’s daughter?
I (61F) recently got back in touch with my brother, who used to be married but is now widowed. Unfortunately, he now wants to date a friend of mine, and I’m nervous about them getting together.
My friend (48F) and I have a bit of a complicated backstory though. When she was a kid, I was in an unhappy marriage and ended up having an affair with her married father. She found out about it last year which was really awkward for both of us and she seemed kind of betrayed by the affair and me keeping it from her, but we just are sort of pretending like it didn’t happen and haven’t discussed it at all this year.
Would I be TA to now stop her from dating my brother? This is the first time she’s seemed interested in someone since her husband died, but I don’t want her to get hurt. Or would it hurt her more for me to keep interfering in her personal life?

This post isn’t meant to bash good fathers; I (F22) wish I had one myself. I just need to talk to someone who would listen.
I don’t want to call him my dad (M59), he’s just a birth-father to me. I swear, all that man cares about is money. He married my mother (F54) out of obligation had kids out of obligation, and now is just doing whatever the fuck he wants. He forced me into Speech Pathology as a career (one that I’m struggling to achieve, luckily I like the career) and my little brother (M17) into Engineering. Sometimes my brother behaves just like my dad and it scares me.
I had a talk with him a few hours ago, about university acceptances, his concerning behaviours and just him in general. He opened up that he no longer had much of a passion for engineering. In that talk I suggested he gets a degree in Law (he’s really good at arguing lol) or a degree in a job he’d be happy/find fun in doing. In this talk I told him I knew why he always follows my dad around and tried to please him - he wanted my dad’s love and approval. He wanted my dad to (for once) ask him what he wanted in life. He wanted a father who loved him without conditions. I told him it was impossible. That in chasing my dad’s approval, he’d just lose himself, and I told him it wasn’t worth it at all. I saw his face fall - I’m such a cruel big sister, huh? Telling her own brother that their dad never loved them - never has, never will and that even though their mom isn’t much better, she is still better than him. I hope he can forgive me for that, and that he’ll allow himself to find out who he is (outside of my parents) sooner, so he doesn’t have to suffer like me.
I’ve been talking with my mom a lot. I don’t know how she lives with that man. I don’t understand why she always chooses him when he is so terrible to her. He takes her for granted, he verbally and physically abuses her, and has crippled her into an anxious mess. It makes me so mad, if only she was stronger - maybe then my brother and I would have a happier life.
He constantly makes me do his secretary work for his company that he wants to start up or anything. I have not been speaking to him for a week now. I’m so sick and tired of him using me and then not appreciating me in return. It might seem like I’m overreacting, but I’ve sacrificed so much of my life just to make my family happy. I feel like I’m the only adult in my house now. I used to cower like my mom, yell and cry, now I just stay silent. I stay silent as he tries to open the room to my bedroom door (which I have locked), I stay silent as he calls me useless and worthless, I stay silent as he goes upstairs to verbally abuse my brother and mother. Why? Because all he wants is for me to react. All he wants out of this altercation is for me to snap so he can blame me for everything that has happened. I won’t let him do it. I won’t let him use me like that anymore.
Whenever I’m with my immediate family, I feel so used. I can’t wait for the day I move out for good, the times I have in university with my friends now though, is the most alive I have ever been in my life. I don’t have to chase that feeling, I have love all around me now. I don’t need that man anymore (emotionally). Financially for now, I’m pretty stuck (I’m trying to find a job) but that’s okay. I can survive, I’m no longer that scared little girl who’d just cry herself to sleep, I’m a strong young woman.
I don’t know if it is advice I want, maybe I’m just wondering how I can continue to deal with this for the next 3 months. Maybe I also just don’t want to feel alone. As strong as I am, I do still wish I didn’t have to rely on my strength. I wish I could for once have a dad to listen to me as their daughter, to love and cherish me unconditionally. I wish I didn’t have to promise myself to never marry a man like my father in order to be happy. I wish I was happy now.

I have just published v2 of my Flutter routing package, SimpleRoutes (pub.dev/packages/simple_routes)!
SimpleRoutes is a companion package for GoRouter that aims to solve three main problems:

1. How to define an application's routes
2. How to build the URI when navigating
3. How to ensure all necessary path parameters are provided and interpolated

There are other tools that can help with this, but they all lacked something I was looking for or required more work than I felt was worth it. SimpleRoutes aims to solve all of these problems as easily as possible.
For example, let's set up three routes:

• '/' (Home/Root route)
• '/users' (Users list/dashboard)
• '/users/:userId' (User details page)

Defining routes

Defining static routes is as easy as extending SimpleRoute and passing the path segment to the super constructor.

class RootRoute extends SimpleRoute { // this example uses the SimpleRoute.root constant, but you can use // a forward slash ('/') or an empty string ('') just as easily. const RootRoute() : super(SimpleRoute.root); } 

Defining a child route requires implementing the ChildRoute interface and providing an instance of the parent route.

class UsersRoute extends SimpleRoute implements ChildRoute { // no need to add a leading or trailing slash const UsersRoute() : super('users'); @override RootRoute get parent => const RootRoute(); } 

If a route requires some dynamic value, extend SimpleDataRoute and provide the type of a SimpleRouteData class.

class UserDetailsRoute extends SimpleDataRoute implements ChildRoute { const UserDetailsRoute() : super(':userId'); @override UsersRoute get parent => const UsersRoute(); } 

When defining a route data class, override the parameters map to tell SimpleRoutes what data to inject into the route and how. You can also override the query map (Map) to add optional query parameters, or override the Object? extra property to inject "extra" data into the GoRouterState.

class UserDetailsRouteData extends SimpleRouteData { const UserDetailsRouteData(this.userId); // Use a factory or named constructor to encapsulate parsing, too! UserDetailsRouteData.fromState(GoRouterState state) : userId = int.parse('${state.pathParameters['userId']); final int userId; @override Map get parameters => { // this tells SimpleRoutes what template parameters to override // with what data and how to format it 'userId': userId.toString(), }; } 

Router configuration

Now, let's build our GoRouter:

final router = GoRouter( initialLocation: const RootRoute().fullPath(), routes: [ GoRoute( // use the "path" property to get the GoRoute-friendly path segment path: const RootRoute().path, builder: (context, state) => const HomeScreen(), routes: [ GoRoute( path: const UsersRoute().path, builder: (context, state) => const UsersScreen(), routes: [ GoRoute( path: const UsersDetailsRoute().path, builder: (context, state) { // extract the route data using your route data // class's factory/constructor final routeData = UserDetailsRouteData.fromState(state); return UserDetailsScreen( userId: routeData.userId, ); }, redirect: (context, state) { final userId = state.pathParameters['userId']; // if you need to redirect, use the fullPath method // to generate the full URI for the route if (!isValidUserId(userId)) { return const UserDetailsRoute().fullPath(); } return null; }, ), ], ), ], ), ], ); 

Navigating

The power of SimpleRoutes comes when navigating between routes. For example, navigating to any of these routes is as easy as using the .go method on the route class.
For example:

const RootRoute().go(context); const UsersRoute().go(context); 

or, if a route requires path parameters:

const UserDetailsRoute().go( context, data: UserDetailsRouteData(user.id), ), 

This eliminates the need to remember the paths for each of your routes or wondering what values you need to interpolate - it's all handled by SimpleRoutes!

Hello, just had a quick question. I’ve started learning french recently, and something I found super helpful for my memory retention is sort of creating a scenario in my head and then using that french phrase in response to an imaginary person. for example, i’ll imagine something like my sister saying “i hope you die and i never see you again.” (not something she’d actually say, we tight, the dramatics and such just help with recall). and then i’ll respond saying “oh i’m sure you mean that, à plus tard! (see you later).
from all the scouring i’ve done over the web, i see everyone saying mixing languages while you’re learning is a dangerous game, so i’m not sure what to do. I’ve also just found this so noticeably helpful since I’m not at the point where I can fill in the blanks/translate the rest of the sentence i’m nesting a phrase into.

I made a post about soon becoming homeless. Things have been so crazy I haven't had time to update or even join this sub. All my time has been spent cleaning (still from the bedbug debacle) And packing and arranging for my departure from this building, and storing stuff. I've read through some posts here and I am overwhelmed at the stories. So many I wanted to comment on or ask questions. similarities to my situation.
One was asking if anyone has ever become homeless on purpose. (Please forgive any etiquette rules I may be breaking here. Although not completely new to reddit, I still know there's stuff i don't understand. Where to post what...if it makes a difference etc.) My making this post is mainly for advice. I will begin by addressing the question above.
While I'm not being evicted, I feel like I absolutely have to leave. My mental health has been precarious for all the time I lived here...a subsidized HUD high rise. I live on the top floor. Not all my issues are due to the fact that I live where I do. Though I suspect many of my health issues are due to mold toxicity.
I have come to the absolute limit of my tolerance over issues here. They've been promising repairs for all the time I have been here...10yrs.The manager has targeted me, blamed me for bringing in bedbugs when my neighbors apartment was ten times more infested than mine. She tried to hide from me that he had them, even straight up lied to me about it so she could keep on manipulating and gaslighting. As if it matters who brought them in. She'll say she doesn't blame me but she never missed a chance to subtly say I started them. If I call her on her bullshit she says things like..."I look for the good in people." or "I like you!"
Meanwhile every step of this process has been hell because of the BS she keeps throwing in my way. It was so draining I finally called the property manager. I said "I don't know if you guys are aware of what's going on here, (A complete disinterest on her part to even find out the extent of the infestation in this building) I said "I don't know if this is via your approval or without your knowledge. But if it's the latter you really should know." Of course things being what they are, I said this to an answering machine. At this point I really didn't care except for my 2 friends who will continue to live here. I will be out as of Wednesday next week...not my circus anymore. I've been offered by this manager yet a 4th apartment here. I just can't.
The day after I called the management company maintainance men in this building were up here very early knocking on people's doors. I'm not sure they'll ever get rid of the bugs in this building. No way could I go through again what I've been through this past month. Anyway whatever happened resuled in her staying out of my way long enough so I could get my stuff in storage. Not much to do now but wait and prepare.
People say to me isn't it better than being homeless? And I don't understand why finding another apartment, (except this kind, plenty of empty apartments here) is so difficult. I'm 70 years old and have never had trouble finding somewhere to live. But I did move in here because there were no other options at the time. But I have SSI, and I have Social Security, and I have MSA, and I have medical insurance. I by no means consider myself destitute. But I guess all this means that I have some money but not enough to pay an unsubsidized rent. I have so many more resources than many but when it comes to housing it doesn't make a difference. My daughter said I could stay with her but I know it would be a disaster. My son offered me a place on his couch but I would have no privacy. Plus I have a very energetic toddler grandson that while loving him, I believe would exhaust me. And his wife and I wouldn't get along. I will not destroy my relationship with my kids by moving in with them.
It's been suggested by my case manager that I either go into a homeless shelter or assisted living for god sake! A shelter would treat me like a child and confiscate all my meds and I for sure wouldn't be able to smoke my weed which is just as much a part of my pain and anxiety treatment as my doctor prescribed pain meds are. To not be able to manage my own pain in the way that works for me is a big deal. Then again the privacy issue would bother me greatly.
And assisted living!?! I've been following my ex's journey through many different facilities. The term 'assisted' is a joke. Yes they make sure you take your meds and make meals, but though they say they do light housekeeping, I've never seen it. Every time I go see him his room is just gross... plugged overflowing toilets, unchecked an uncleaned. The amount of money these places make on each resident is obscene and they can't keep a toilet clean?!They're just warehouses for people who can't die soon enough. Besides I am in no way at the point where I can't do things for myself. I just can't find a friggin place to live!
So am I becoming homeless purposely? It doesn't feel like it to me. But I have never been on the streets. And something inside me feels like there's a place for me. Like something will happen before I actually am without a roof over my head.
But yesterday I realized that in staring straight into the possibility of homelessness I would be very stupid not to prepare for it in every possible way. I've gone through my stuff. Camp stove, plenty of fuel, tent, water filter, sleeping bag. pepper spray, taser warm clothes, good shoes.But I'm trying to decide how much I can realistically take with me. I know the realities of being homeless will be an eye opener but I absolutely want to know what things I will need that I could be missing. I live quite far from the metro area in a smallish town. There are still plenty of homeless people here...lots of meth heads. The shelters here are mostly full anyway.
I've been trying to figure ways and places to camp safely without getting harrassed by the police or anyone else. I don't think it would be safer in the city...just the opposite. Am I right about that? I am on the edge of a national forrest so can disperse camp for sometime. But nobody wants to be homeless through a Minnesota winter. I'm also negotiating with a friend to camp in her backyard though I don't know if she'll give it. It still makes me nervous because she has no fence. I really know nothing about what's ahead of me and would be grateful for any words of experience.

Usually just wash and rinse my beard and have no issue really keep it clean. No smell , no itch , so not concerned it dirty just i know hair is suppose to be washed. I usually used baby shampoo, as daughter is very sensitive to soap in her eyes so we use no tear baby shampoo for her shampoo. Heard alot mixed things, just more concern it ain't damage it. Be honest not looking for beard shampoo as most of them are probably outside what I'm comfortable and able to spend ($10). I don't have money and frankly don't value "better" product, i just feel if it safe enough for a baby it can't be damaging at least. I understand there are BETTER product, but once again i am not looking for a better solution. Just grew up without dad and no male friends (that i trust) that have personal opinion( they have a beard).
Clarify my question: Baby shampoo won't damage facial hair right?
Sorry if i seem rude, i just have alot bad experience on reddit when i ask for assurance on a subject and have been pushed hard for "upgrading" what ever product i am seeking advice on.

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My second to last quarter just ended and I'm pretty swamped with final reports right now, but I'm almost through. Not to mention, the next seven weeks are going to be pretty light because of a sudden lack of classes, since I busted my butt finishing up my remaining credits. I've decided to dedicate this time to (among other things) a writing frenzy! I wanna get some serioussss backlogs up because who knows how busy I'm going to be after graduation. (Not to mention, I'm having some troubles getting my VISA renewed, but that's a personal issue).
Anyways, don't wanna bore you with irl stuff. You're here for food and gay furry romance! So as always, I hope you enjoy reading! :D
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Note: This is a Fanfic of the Nature of Predators series by u/Spacepaladin15, that is being reposted from the NatureofPredators sub. Please support the original content.
Thank you to Philodox on discord for proofreading and editing RfD.
Thank you to Pampanope on reddit for the cover art.
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Memory Transcript Subject: Sylvan, Venlil Citizen
Date: [Standardized Human Time]: December 13, 2136
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It wasn’t too long that I was absent from the event. Sure, Kenta and I had run into a few hiccups when trying to load up the cart, but that was to be expected. Just looking at the absolute behemoth of an edible pile that he had somehow been able to put together in such a short amount of time, it was a wonder just how we were able to fit them all on there in the first place. And the promise that there was still more yet to be brought out had left me astonished. If I hadn’t already seen the ravenous vortex of Venlil that had so efficiently done away with the other dishes, I might have actually been worried about leftovers.
The food in question, long tubes made out of some kind of starchy form of strayu and packaged in an even starchier husk, were stacked in circular pyramids atop three large trays. As it turned out, this delicacy was the same “Tamale” recipe that I had heard mentioned the day before, the sheer amount being the product of Kenta’s, Julio’s, and even Jeela’s preparations. Unfortunately, I hadn’t received the full explanation of what they were just yet, but Kenta had thankfully given me at least a quick rundown.
Using the same steaming methods as the gyoza, these tamales had been folded carefully over a mix of fresh, crisp vegetables whose scent floated around each in a rich aura. They were hot out of the steamer, a cloud of gaseous water encircling the air above it in a decadent plume. If I hadn’t known better, with the combined mass of the tamales and the sheer volume of steam they collectively released, it might have made me believe the cart itself to be on fire. But of course, there was no such thing, and the cloud that spread into the sky only served to sweeten the air.
As I rolled out the cart, I looked at one last addition to the ensemble. There in a large bowl was something that Kenta hadn’t mentioned in the slightest when explaining the recipe and reasonings behind the tamales, and I had been so urgent to get these out the door that I’d forgotten to press for more details. It had been left in the refrigerator since the day before, which I had only noticed when doing inventory after the fiasco of event preparations.
‘It completely slipped my mind until now… I’m glad I didn’t forget it. Especially after what that note said.’
When I had found the bowl, a small piece of paper had been taped to it. On which, an alien text had been inscribed that required me to use my visual translator to make any sense of. It had been nothing but obvious that holding up the translator informed me that the language was indeed Terran. But what confused me was that instead of the morphemic script that I had come to slightly recognize from Kenta’s subculture, it instead appeared to be something more alphabetic.
On it, the note simply read: “Make sure to serve this with the tamales, my friend. Don’t forget!”
Additionally, below those words had appeared to be an additional message. That one, however, was partially scribbled out. When I scanned that one as well, the translator had taken a long time to process, and its output remained considerably fractured: “**od l*ck wit* y*u* n*w boyf***nd.”
Having not thought much of the note, I had just barely remembered to retrieve the bowl from the fridge and put it on the card while Kenta was off busy grabbing one last batch of tamales before rushing me out the door. I shook it out of my mind for the time being. After all, right now there were more pressing things to manage.
Wheeling the cart back outside, I was hit with the briefest shortage of breath. It had only been a momentary respite, but shifting from the quiet of the empty diner to the lively atmosphere of a crowded party would never not be a shock. By now, enough people had shown up that the event could already be considered at max capacity. People from all over filled the street, chatting and conversing in a rambunctious, lively gusto.
To see so many people take the time out of their schedules and come down to my family’s diner just because of the promise of our food… It was almost overwhelming, enough to bring a brief tear to the eye reminiscent of my reaction to that very first wave of people Ginro had brought soon after I first hired Kenta. I took a moment just to bask in it. A feeling I had all but begun to grow almost too accustomed to. A feeling of success, and of pride. And as I once again continued pushing the cart past the crowds of chatty party attendees, along with the piles of wool that it entailed, that feeling continued to pour into me. It was all almost too much to hear at once.
“Hey Sylvan! Great party!” said one voice to my left.
“Amazing food as always, Lackadaisy guy! I can’t get enough of these little strayu things in the salad!” piped another to my right.
“Ooooo! What are those things?” asked one more as I passed by them, who excitedly eyed up the stack of tamales I was delivering.
I laughed along and chatted with people on my way to one of the tables, chuckling at their jokes and accepting their praise on behalf of both myself and the mysterious ‘Kahnta.’ With each pleased guest and hungry gaze, I couldn’t help but feel myself bloom in sheer joy at the tidal wave of enthusiastic complements.
That was… until one otherwise innocent comment sounded from behind me.
“So you’re telling me this was all made by one chef?” they asked one of their friends, not intending me to hear as they talked with their mouth half stuffed with food. Looking closer, I could see that they were two Gojids chatting with one another. “Better enjoy it now, I guess. Not gonna be long before some fancy place in the Capital comes and recruits them. Honestly, if the owner of this place wants to have any hope of holding on to them, he better marry them or something.”
The partygoer’s friend laughed, “Well if he doesn’t, then I will! Can you imagine eating something like this every day?”
I couldn’t help but bloom even more overhearing this. But this was a different kind of feeling. Not the gentle warmth of normal delight, but instead the torrid heat of surging emotions. And as I began nonchalantly transferring the steaming tamales to one of the tables, these emotions steamed to the surface of my mind as well.
It was a mix of things that fueled my silent reaction. At first, the implication of asking Kenta into matehood was… well it was certainly something. I was sure the two Gojids were simply making innocent remarks, assuming that the lie about my precious chef being another, completely ordinary Venlil was correct, not realizing in the slightest just how much the implication left me flummoxed. And in normal circumstances, it would have been just that, a simple perk of the ears and a brief daydream of something so far away from me. But after yesterday, things had changed.
The previous day had been eventful, to say the least. I had eaten some amazing pastries and listened to an even more amazing alien melody. Only for it all to come crashing down when my idiotic brain forgot to turn back on the translator before pouring out my entire menagerie of pent up emotions before Kenta. My one chance to seize an opportunity at the height of a courageous high, only to tumble and fall flat during the execution. Even worse, I couldn’t muster the bravery to say the same thing even one more time.
I had completely blown it. And needless to say, I wasn’t exactly keen on remembering my mistakes from that previous day, especially during such a pivotal event. The only mediocre condolence I could take from the whole ordeal being the opportunity of waking up next to Kenta that same day. But even that was cut much too short by the mad rush to get preparation ready for the event.
‘I can still remember how warm he felt… And how peaceful he looked when his eyes were closed…’ I thought to myself in deep reminiscence.
“Hey there Sylvan!”
‘I can’t get it out of my head…! Ugh! I wish it wasn’t just a one time thing…’
“Sylvan?”
‘If we really were together romantically, then maybe I could see that every day… But that’s not–’
“Sylvan!!”
The moment my attention was pulled away from my internal thoughts, I audibly bleated out a high pitched noise of surprise, “Eeep!”
My ears jutted up and my tail straightened like a steel beam. My attention shifted over to my side, where I soon realized Fehnel now stood. She had her paws held firmly on her hips, with a head tilted to the side in a half puzzled, half amused demeanor. Then, when I realized I had been staring a little too long without saying anything, I quickly turned my attention back to the table.
“Oh hey Fehnel!” I stuttered out. “Didn’t see you there!”
“Sorry if I sneaked up on ya, hun,” Fehnel replied with a single wag of the tail. “Got somethin’ on the mind, I’m assumin’?”
The image of Kenta and I huddled together on my couch flashed through my mind once more, before I quickly shook it away. “Uhhhh… Nope! I’m just really focussing here on getting these tamales out.”
“‘Tamales,’ huh?” Fehnel chuckled. “Well between this and that ‘gee-yo-za’ stuff, I think I’m startin’ to give up on predictin’ what crazy name Kahnta’ll come up with next.”
“Yeah it’s pretty… uh–” I coughed awkwardly, clearing something nonexistent out of my throat. “It’s pretty creative.”
“You can say that again. By this point, they’re startin’ to sound almost alien!” Fehnel laughed again, and I cringed as the irony fell over deaf ears. “But hey, who am I to judge! I mean, to me all the stuff on this planet is alien, so what’s another ‘Tamale’ added to the pile, yeah?”
I had to stop my ears and head from shrinking too far towards the ground.
“Anyways, I’m assumin’ these are the actual foods I requested Kahnta to create, right?” Fehnel continued to ask.
“Uh– Y-yeah, yes they ar–” I tried to say before one of Fehnel’s paws suddenly reached out and grabbed my wrist.
“Great!” she beamed, before dragging me away into one of the many chatty piles of fluffy wool that constituted our event.
It didn’t take more than a few rushed steps before I was suddenly pulled in front of another Yotul and Venlil, who I did well to recognize immediately. It seemed as though Kadew and Vuilen had arrived, the former of which looking just about as nervous as I had expected. Vuilen, on the other paw, was anything but. Her tail was wagging furiously, almost impossibly giddy with enthusiasm as her ears shifted around a swivel, likely allowing every new smell and sound to pull her attention to and fro.
Fehnel dragged me forward and plopped me down right in front of the two, before saying, “Tell them what you just told me.”
Vuilen leaned forward, bestowing me her full attention, while Kadew remained stationary, only doing as much as to straighten a single, skeptical ear.
“W-well, uh…” I stumbled, before quickly getting my act together. “Among a number of new strayu recipes, the main entree for today’s event is called ‘Tamales.’”
“Oooo!” Vuilen beamed. “What’s that, Lackadaisy guy? It sounds awesome!”
“According to Kahnta, it’s a mix of vegetables folded in a spongy strayu wrap and steamed inside a starchy husk. And…” I tilted my ears towards Kadew, “It’s supposedly a specialty that is designed to be eaten during times of celebration with family. Regardless of whether they be by blood, or found.”
Kadew huffed a short breath, before folding her arms. But before she got the chance to speak, Vuilen’s enthused voice overtook it. The black and white wooled Venlil leaned into her smaller Yotul partner and pulled them into a strong hug.
“Hear that, Dew? It’s like this food was MADE for your Running Day!” Vuilen piped, bouncing up and down like a cub and bringing the now deeply blooming Kadew along for the ride. “Well… I guess it literally was, but you know what I mean! Either way, there’s like a million new kinds of strayu foods here! Can you believe that? I think I even saw some sylvanas over on that table there! Can you even begin to wonder what they taste like? Oh my Sol, I’m so excited!”
Kadew, whose previously unimpressed countenance now had more steam coming out of her ears than the tamales off in the distance, stuttered out her response. “Uh– Uhmm– That’s… that’s great…”
“I know right!” Vuilen squealed. “This is going to be the BEST Running Day ever! I’m so happy for you!”
I couldn’t help but giggle out in response to this, something which Fehnel had long since been doing on her own volition. Unfortunately for Kadew, this did nothing to ease the sheer amount of embarrassment already flying around her dazed face.
“Of course, all guests are free to eat their fill, especially those invited by the Claw’s Lady herself,” I said, before gesturing a paw towards Fehnel. “All of it has been covered in advance by our generous sponsor.”
Vuilen retreated from her hug just as quickly as it had started, twisting her attention back towards Fehnel and I. “Really? I still can’t believe you’re just giving away all this for free!”
She walked towards the two of us, leaving a still dazed Kadew behind her, before rushing to give Fehnel herself another brief hug. “Thank you so much again for organizing something like this, ma’am.”
Fehnel returned the embrace, having nothing but pure pride and joy radiate through her voice. “Of course, hun. I hope you and my daughter enjoy your date.”
“Oh we will!” Vuilen replied quickly, pulling back once again. Just as fast, she began making a beeline for the buffet tables, almost disappearing into the crowd of fellow Venlil fluff before her voice was heard once more. “I’ll be back in a jiffy, Dew! I just gotta try some of this stuff before it’s all gone!”
Before she was out of range, I twisted around, raised a paw up to my mouth, and stood up high to help carry my voice after her. “Don’t forget to save room for dessert!”
Turning back, I joined Fehnel once again in her chuckling. It didn’t take long for Fehnel to comment on the situation now that Vuilen was out of earshot.
She leaned over and gently nudged me in the leg with her tail. “She’s a riot, ain’t she? Does my daughter know how to pick em’, or what?”
“Oh yeah, I’ve seen them together in the diner all the time. Honestly, I’ve been wondering how long it was going to take to knit that scarf,” I commented, referencing one of the more common and romantic Venlil courtship rituals.
“Guys I can HEAR YOU!” Kadew yelped, now seemingly freed of her hug-induced daze.
“Oh hun don’t you worry yourself about us,” Fehnel replied, a slight hum to her voice. “Us adults can’t help but watch the young love bloom.”
“That guy’s barely older than I am!” Kadew shot back, raising a finger to point at me.
I raised two paws in defence, much too similar to the way Kenta does when he’s been caught teasing me. “Hey, doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate it when I see it. You’re doing great, by the way.”
The teasing, however, had been lost on her. I had meant it in good will, but my words had only served to aggravate Kadew, and she huffed out an annoyed breath. Then, she started stomping rapidly in place, her trained legs moving in a blur like overclocked turbines. From even the briefest glance, I could tell that something had been pulling away at her tail, and our comments were doing it no favours.
“Uhh… are you alright?” I asked tentatively.
“ARGH!” she groaned back. “No! No, I am very much NOT alright! Running Day’s here already, I feel like a pile of speh, my fur’s a mess, and I’m FREAKING THE BRAHK OUT!!”
‘Quite the vocabulary on this one, apparently,’ I judged silently, wondering how my mother would have reacted to hearing me talk like that.
“Honey, Vuilen’s not gonna care about any of that silly stuff,” Fehnel said jovially. “Why, I remember bein’ covered in dried mud the first time I went on a date with your father. We went down to the creek together and took turns tossing water at each other. Then, we went down to the local actin’ house and watched a show. But even after all of that, I still had a bit of dried mud crusted on my fur, but your father didn’t mind. Said it gave me ‘character,’ of all the silly things.”
“Isn’t dried mud just dirt?” I asked.
“Naw, see, dirt is sand, silt, and clay, but it only becomes mud when it has a higher content of clay.”
“So then what happens when dirt gets wet but doesn’t have a lot of clay?”
“Wet dirt.”
“Ah.”
“WHAT ARE YOU BRAHKING TALKING ABOUT!?” Kadew squealed in a panic, her stomping had not ceased in the slightest. She threw her paws up and pulled her ears down over her eyes. “Dirt and mud! That’s all that we Yotul talk about apparently! And trains! Can’t forget the brahking trains! Stars above, that’s all people ever say!”
“Trains are cool,” I said indifferently.
“I don’t care!” she huffed, before turning to Fehnel. “Mom. What if Vuilen comes back and sees you talking about dirt? She’ll just see that it’s the only thing a primitive uplift is capable of understanding! Do you really want to prove her right?”
Fehnel looked shocked, but replied nonetheless. “Has… she said something like that before?”
“Well…! No…! But…” Kadew stomped again. “She might, okay!? Especially if she sees you actively talking about it!”
“To be fair, I asked,” I replied. “Besides, Vuilen seems like a smart girl. She wouldn’t make a rash assumption about the Yotul based off some random remark. Relationships are stronger than that. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“What do you know about it!?” Kadew shot back, releasing her ears and letting them perk up to max height. “Unless I missed something, I don’t see you dating any other Venlil in that restaurant of yours! How do you know if any of this is fine!?”
Fehnel’s voice soured immediately. “Kadew! That is no way to talk to our new business partner! He was just tryin’ to help! Apologize this instant!”
Realizing something had shifted without my notice, I tried to mellow my voice in an attempt to calm the situation down. “Oh, that won’t be necessar–”
“No,” Fehnel interrupted. “I refuse to let my daughter be rude to anyone. We might not have much, but we at least have manners.” She turned her attention back to her daughter. “Kadew, if you have a problem, then I want you to tell me about it. If there’s somethin’ we can do to help, then–”
“No no, it’s not…” Kadew replied, bringing two fingers up to pinch the bridge of her snout. “It’s not that…”
“It’s not what?” Fehnel tried to guess. “It’s with Vuilen, isn’t it? You’re afraid she’ll not be able to appreciate the Runnin’ Day? Listen, I know this isn’t Leirn, but Sylvan and I are kickin’ our hardest to make it special for you regardless. Sure, it’s not the most traditional, but I’m sure Vuilen won’t mind! I understand that livin’ on a new planet is taxin’, the gravity here especially, but as foreigners it’s our job to show these nice people where we come from. We’re Yotul, and nothin’ will change that!”
“Mom…” Kadew grunted back, before taking a deep breath.
Before she could speak, Fehnel continued with a proud wag to her tail. “Do you remember what a Runnin’ Day is all about, Kadew? It’s about all the cubs that came of age that year comin’ together and sayin’ that they’ll be fine by themselves. But it’s also about family. It’s about knowin’ that no matter where you run off to, I’ll be there to support you. But you’re makin’ it real hard to do that every time you don’t tell me what the matter is! And if you don’t, how can I make this Runnin’ Day the best it can–”
“But it’s not a Running Day, is it!” Kadew yelled, instantly shutting Fehnel up.
Her mother stared forward blankly, stumbling over a few unclear words. “Wh-what do you…”
“It’s not a Running Day!” Kadew repeated. “It’s not! I mean look around you!” She lifted her arms up dramatically, motioning towards the crowds of unaware Venlil around us. “We’re the only Yotul here! We’re the only two people that even know what a Running Day is, and I’m pretty sure we’re the only people that care!”
I tried to speak, “Umm… I know what a Running Day i–” but the look of animosity Kadew immediately shot my way gave me Jeela flashbacks, and I shut up just as quick.
“Kadew… Hun, that’s not true,” Fehnel tried to defend. “I’m sure they’d be willing to open their minds if we just–”
“What? Tell them all about how great it is to come from an Uplift planet? Talk about brahking DIRT some more!? Careful there Mom, don’t want to spoil their meal!” Kadew continued her berating. “Because you and I both know that the only reason anyone even showed up to this thing is because of that guy’s food!” Another finger was shot out in my direction. “Even you know there’s nothing special about your stupid Uplift culture! There’s nothing here even remotely related to the Yotul! It’s all just Venlil decorations and Venlil food, for our solely Venlil guests! And look!!” She pointed directly at the statue Jeela had placed as the centerpiece. “They have a statue of a Venlil as the center of everything! It’s the star attraction, not us! They couldn’t give a damn about me or Running Day or our culture or… or anything!”
Fehnel appeared to be on the verge of tears.
“And now I’ve got to find some kind of excuse for all this!” Kadew added. “It’s bad enough I had to drag Vuilen into pretending to care about the Yotul. But now the entire town is a part of it too! They’re laughing at us, Mom! Just like at school! Just like everywhere else I go! They’re laughing at us and you’re proud about it!”
From the verge of tears, Fehnel’s voice had croaked into a soft weep. A glimmering stream of water had begun to crawl down the ridge of her rust-coloured face.
“I hate being born a Yotul! I hate this gross, rusty fur! I hate everyone thinking I’m primitive and that I must be in love with trains and steam engines! And I hate you trying to push your culture on me! Cause guess what? I’ve never even seen Leirn! It’s NOT my home and you need to stop pretending it is!”
Fehnel stood simply aghast, the occasional choked-up garble of sounds emerging from her throat. Meanwhile, I stood speechless as well. Obviously, I had accidentally walked in on and been exposed to something that had been going on for quite a while. But even worse, it seems as though I had done nothing but fanned the flame of this long-fueled fire. Instinctively, I began taking a few steps back to give the two their space, which went unnoticed by either party.
Fehnel swallowed, her eyes still welling tears. “I… I…” she tried to say, but no words would form. Instead, she choked on her own voice. And Kadew, who stood waiting for a response, sucked in heavy loads of air in the fleeting hope to catch her breath.
But instead of an answer, all that any of us heard was a scream.
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The boy who took my heart
but gave it back after crumbling it
Daylan Meadows my first heartbreak, it was truly one of the biggest learning experiences I’ve had so far. I loved him, I really did, and I know he loved me. But, not a single relationship is perfect. We weren't even close to perfect, but it felt perfect. He felt perfect. What I didn't realize was how emotionally damaging that relationship was until I lost him.
It was the summer of 2020, mid June when we first met. I was thirteen and he was seventeen. That night I was with all of my friends, we picked him up from his mamaw's house. At the time we were in different relationships. He was with a girl named Ciara, and was living with her in Berea. I was with a boy named Sam. Which was Daylans cousin, but I had met him through Jayla way before Daylan. But that night I remember seeing him, there was something different and special about him. We all drove around for a while talking and laughing about the most random things. We haven't really talked that night or after, there were times we would catch each other looking at the other. After a week or two Sam and I broke up. Jayla and I wanted to go do something before we packed her stuff to her apartment, so we invited Daylan. While driving around he had asked me how my relationship was going. Before I could say anything, Jayla told him that Sam and I broke up. He told me he was sorry to hear that but when I looked at the rearview mirror he had a big beautiful smile on his face. He started flirting with me, and we instantly connected. He told me how he and Ciara were over but he was still trying to get the stuff his papaw gave him. He never lied to me about their relationship. So we were always hanging out with each other, but he didn’t want everyone knowing, because he didn't want to hurt Sam. We hid it for a little bit. Then one day we were riding around with everyone, me and him were in the back seat. I had laid my head down because I had gotten car sick. When he saw he laid his head down with me making sure I was okay. Afterwards, he laid his hand on my knee showing me he was there for me not caring who saw.
I was falling for him. Everything about him I was falling for, the way his eyes form a yellow sunflower in the brightest baby blue, how they glistened in the sun, the way his big smile could bring light to every dark corner, the freckles that are placed perfectly on his skin, the way his voice made me feel at home, or how his jokes was always funny, but the way he looked at me, the way his skin peacefully touched mine, and the way he spoke to me with love are some of the many reasons I was falling in love with him. There was a night I never wanted to let him go. We laid there, soaking in every moment. He thought I had already fallen asleep, he pulled me in closer rubbing his finger against my cheek. I could feel him looking at me, but not just looking at me he saw me for who I was. He saw me. That’s all I ever wanted, and he gave it to me. The next morning It was just me and him and things started to progress. But the one thing I didn’t want him seeing, he saw. I was waiting for him to judge me, he never did. Instead he asked me why, the one thing no one took the time to ask. I opened up to him and he saw me, he understood me. He helped me. We were never apart, we were figuring out life together. He ended up living with me for a couple months. He was the first person to meet my mom. After we had gone and seen her, we had to stay at my aunt's house after we got back. The day we were leaving she had gotten into an argument with me. A lot of it was because of our age. Then that night he had to go back and live at his mamaws, but he was always there when I needed him. It never made us any different. He never left, he always chose me.
A year goes by 2021, we did everything together, we were experiencing everything together. Even though we had a hard time with our relationship we promised we will get through it together. We facetimed everyday, and sleep on the phone together. We even had a good night saying that we would say every night. We had gotten a dog, her name was lady may. We called her lady. After we had her for a while we had gotten willow. He and I did everything together and we always supported each other. I always made sure everyone knew I was his biggest fan. One time he let me bleach his hair and it had turned out orange. It was the funniest thing ever. We laughed about it for days. It was the little things that truly meant the most. We went to birthday parties, dinners, get-togethers, we were always there for one another. We opened up to each other more about our past. There were times we held each other on my bedroom floor as we cried together. We were learning more about each other everyday. He helped me eat when I couldn't even move out of bed. He would set alarms for every hour, so I could at least take a bite of something. He helped me when everyone was against me. He always stuck up for me. We loved each other more everyday.
After two years 2022, he got his own place, Sam and his dad Matt were also living with him. The relationship was getting hard, he would want me to stay the night with him but wouldn't want me to stay alone with Sam. I had understood why, that wasn't the problem though. The problem was he didn't trust me, so I would have to get Alicia to come over when he worked. Then he would still tell me how he dont trust me. I told him I could go home when he was going to work. Then that would lead to another argument because I didn't want to spend time with him. But we promised we would get through it together, and we did. That September he went 3 hours away for trade school. It sucked at first we missed seeing each other everyday but we still stayed. We got through it together. He came home and signed up for the marines. I didn't know about it until after. At first I was mad he didn't talk to me about it, after i supported him in every way possible. I was so proud of him, I still am. He had come so far in life and was chasing his dreams. How could i not support the boy who was so excited, the boy i loved more than anything, more than myself, the boy i wanted to be happy. He was happy so I supported him and that December he left. We wrote letters back and forth for three months. I was the first person he called when he only had one phone call and hadn't talked to anyone. When he came home it was like we had never been apart. Every little moment meant so much to us. Trying to salvage every ounce of each other before he had to go. Most of the time we sat in bed watching our favorite shows, talking about everything that has happened in the past three months. Then he had to leave all over again.
Summer 2023 was the hardest. He had gone back but was moved to North Carolina. We were doing so good, until we weren't. We argued all the time, he wouldn't call me or he would stay out all night and ignore me. I tried so hard to work it out. We promised we will get through it together. I went to visit him 9 hours away from home with my brother, Savannah, and sissy. The whole time we were there I had a feeling, I didn't know what it was.Then that night I ended up going through his phone. I didn't find anything serious but it did cause an argument. He had blamed it on me because I went through his phone and the only reason he was mad was because I woke him up. But I forgave him and pushed it away. He always apologized and tried to make it up to me, we always got through it together. I had ended up getting home 3 days after, that night we were on FaceTime and he was already asleep. I kept getting the feeling that I wanted to login to his Snapchat. At first I didn’t but the thought of it was making me sick. I knew something wasn’t right, and when I did I found it. I'll never be able to describe the sinking feeling in my chest, the feeling of wanting to throw up because your world is crumbling down, that full minute of silence, betrayal, heartbreak, how every breath felt harder and harder to reach, the way my hands started shaking with nothing but the thoughts racing through my head, and how my knees felt like giving out each step i took when walking down stairs to savannah. I don’t even know how I formed enough words or power to tell her I needed her to come upstairs with me. She could just see the look on my face. Running up the stairs I handed her my phone. Before she could even say anything I was on my knees bawling cursing him. I had woken him up, and he seemed so worried about me. Asking me what was wrong, what happened, am I okay? But I told him I knew about kaylee, the girl he was in the marines with and he went silent. Every question he said nothing, I called him every name in the book. Nothing. After 3 hours he finally told me. And I got off the phone. He checked on me every hour begging me to call him. I had ended things, I was so wrapped up in our relationship that I didn't think I could live without him. But at that moment I could. That was the first time he broke my heart, because even though we got back together, that wasn’t the end of it for him.
Two weeks later we found out I was pregnant, we were fixing everything we were doing well. I was still hurt but I had a baby to worry about now. We were so excited, we were planning everything. Until I started bleeding I knew something was wrong the first time it happened, everyone told me it was normal to spot in your first trimester. After a couple of days of bleeding more I went to the hospital. They did all kinds of tests and told me to come back in forty eight hours to check my hcg levels. When I went back my levels were dropping, they told me to come back in forty eight again. The day I was supposed to go back was horrible. I got up that morning, and was going to make myself some oatmeal. I was washing a bowl out, and got every light headed. I sat down for a minute, once I wasn't light headed anymore I got back up and continued to make the oatmeal. Not even a minute after standing back up I felt like I was going to pass out and throw up at the same time. Savannah was in the kitchen with me and she helped me sit down. She was going to finish making my oatmeal but I had to get up and run to the bathroom. I was trying to throw up but I couldn't. I had put myself on the toilet and pushed. My whole body drained, I was in so much pain. I managed to wipe myself and pull my underwear up, then I was on the floor screaming and crying. Savannah was trying to give me medicine but I was throwing everything up. She had called my sister, once she got there they put me in the car. I was passing in and out from the pain, my sister was rushing me to the hospital. After they took what feels like every test in the world, they finally told me. I was having a miscarriage. At first I didn't know how to feel but that night Savannah laid in bed holding me as I was bawling, asking God why he is doing this to me. Daylan tried to be there but didn’t know how. The next two weeks were really hard. Daylan got to come home, we never talked about the miscarriage. We fought the whole time because I found more stuff on his phone. I promised him I would never touch his phone again that I put it on our baby, and the words I never thought I would hear from him hurt me more than anything I’ve experienced. He told me we didn’t have a baby together. He broke my heart again. Those three weeks we were together again, I would cry almost every day in fear of an argument because I didn't want him out all night drinking. I had to beg him numerous times to not drink, he would be a complete asshole. But at the end of the day I would try and do everything I could to show I was a good girlfriend and that I was worth keeping. Then he left again, we were off and on that whole time nothing really changed. We argued or wouldn’t talk at all, there would be times where we would laugh and joke about everything because we saw each other. We were the only people who knew each other inside and out. The special FaceTime movie nights and how he would beg me to sing him to sleep. That never changed. My love for him always stayed the same. We’ll get through this together. We had to, we promised we would. Maybe this time we can fix it, maybe when he comes back home.
I never thought that when he did come home it would be the last time I saw him. I was so excited to be with him to be able to spend time together. But this would be the time he proves to me that he is changing and becoming better for us. The first night was amazing. We laid on the couch laughing and crying because we didn’t want to let each other go. He asked me if we were going to be okay with tears in his eyes. While holding him I told him yes we are going to be okay we are going to get through this together. He left the next morning. I didn't see him for two days. He told me he was going to hang out with buddies, but I never heard of them until then. I knew something wasn’t right, so I told him that. He told me I have nothing to worry about because he wants to come see me when I get home. On my way to my sisters I was telling Jayla about him going to Leslie co and that’s when she told me a girl named alyssa from there is reacting to his Facebook post. I ended up texting him about it and the whole time he lied to me. So I texted her and she told me the truth, and that indescribable feeling in your chest, the silence, the breaths, it all came flowing back as I’m on the kitchen floor of my sister's house bawling, begging god for us to be okay, begging god to not let me lose him. That’s when he texted me saying we will never be okay and we know that. He broke my heart again. I was begging for him not to go. I was laying in bed that night with the worst ache in my chest begging him to choose me. But he didn’t, after three years and everything we’ve been through he didn’t choose me. As my world was crumbling he handed me my crumble up heart, and chose hers. I packed up everything over the past three years for him to come get. And he did, he held me for the last time as I buried my wet face into where his neck met his shoulder. I wanted to memorize his scent as he drove away. I watched him turn away to leave and I swear to you I wanted to scream. I wanted to run after him, I wanted to beg him one more time to choose me, to love me, I wanted him. Then he drove away perfectly fine, not looking back, leaving me and my crumbled heart behind.
It’s been six months. You didn't tell me happy birthday three months ago, I waited all day. It was so hard at first, I didn't know how to be without him. He’s all I’ve ever known. But now I've felt so relieved and happy. I made plans to actually hang out with my friends again, focus on school and I've passed all of my classes for the first time in years. I know he would be so proud of me, we would be celebrating. I’ve hardly cried. And I still miss him everyday and hope for a text or call. He meant the world to me, he was honestly my best friend. I wouldn't change anything about us, I would never choose anyone else to go through it with. I will always care for him, and I'll forever wish he would come back one day so we can make it right. Maybe one day when we have grown up our paths will lead us back to each other, and we won't give up. But right now I feel like myself again. And they seem happy together. I would never want to get in their way or ruin their relationship. All I want is for him to be happy and if she's what makes him happy that's good enough for me. Although I was scared to lose him, I now love myself. I love him and I always will, but with loving him, I figured out how to love myself because Corinthians 13:4-8 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” I hope love never fails you, I hope you never have to question your worth, I hope you find peace in your sad moments because hunny you deserve the world and its entirety. You're a reminder that there is love on the hardest days. A reminder that even though I was in a bad place, I don’t need anyone but myself to be happy and honest. You showed me everything I was capable of. You showed me the importance of loving myself before I lose myself. You showed me how important I am to others. I lost myself through it all but in the end I picked myself back up and continued walking forward. I finally see myself with love and beauty, as if all my insecurities had gone away. I see myself how you once saw me. I know how happy you would be for me and all of my accomplishments. You would be hyping me up for days, you would remind me every hour that I'm doing amazing, how proud you are, and how you knew I could do it. I just wish you realize before it’s too late, you need to love yourself before others. You could lose yourself on the way. Not all stories have a happy ending, but ours had a happy middle and beginning and that will always be enough because it means that we are a story worth remembering. That our love was real, because loving you is easy and letting go is hard. I so deeply love you Daylan Meadows. I hope one day we can come together, and love won’t fail us. So please don't forget the songs we listened to, or the things we talked about, the little inside jokes we had, or the laughs we shared. Please don't forget my smile, or the sound of my voice. Just please don't forget me.
Love, Neo<3

(Not replacing any friends!!)
Recently, I have felt like something was missing. I love my current friends, but I am yearning for one more deep connection, a friend I could giggle and gush with, someone I can chat with throughout the day.
Bare feet, loose comfy clothes, an iced coffee and the windows open. I find the small things in life to be enchanting. I'm not someone to have surface-level conversation with. Instead, I'll ask what you dreamed of and request a selfie only to tell you how the sun lights up your face or look for constellations among your freckles.
I love to read and write. I often express myself through "written action" because I feel that it brings things to life much better, and it helps me express myself. I'd hope you might do so as well ☺️ Example: I yawn widely before taking a deep sip of my coffee, trying to wake up
Id prefer this friend be closer to my age of 33. I'm an incredibly caring person and I love deep conversations and expressing my playful side. I don't often get to in RL.
Please send me a chat if you are interested ☺️ I prefer discord after getting to know someone. And I love to send pics of my day ☺️☺️
✌🏼✌🏼✌🏼

This is going to be a long story y’all, buckle up!
My father, Matthew, has always been an unstable man. When I was growing up, he would regularly lash out physically and verbally towards those closest to him, but he would put on a façade when around anyone else. Those who are closest to him know just how awful a person he is yet how good he is a covering it all up to convince people outside the family that everything is ok.
My mother and father had gotten divorced when I was young and I, along with my two siblings, would go to his house on the weekends. When we lived at his house, he would never let us go outside, he would forget to feed us, he would make us do chores to clean up after him, he had cameras all over the house, and he would lash out violently if his standards weren’t met.
When I was 14~, I stopped going to Matt’s house. I had forgotten a book at my mom’s house that I needed for homework over the weekend, and I asked Matt if my stepdad could drop it off out front of the house so that I could get it done still. Matt started to yell at me saying how forgetful I am and how my stepdad is not allowed anywhere near the house and all these other nonsense things and then demanded that I hand over my phone to him and that I was grounded for the weekend.
I yelled back at my dad that he doesn’t pay for the phone, Mom does, so he has no right to take it from me. He did not take this kindly and proceeded to tackle me into the doorframe to get the phone out of my hand.
Now, keep in mind, I was a small kid growing up and he is a very fat man that was much taller than me at the time. I got a serious bruise on my shoulder.
After being tackled, I took off into the street running every which way to hide from him. I did not want to be hurt like that by him ever again. I found solace in an old man’s house after I had run for 20 or so minutes. We called the police and my parents and that was the last day that I would speak to my father for the next four years.

Fast forward 4 years, my great grandmother (Nan) who is Matthew’s grandmother was in the hospital and her condition was grim. Her organs were shutting down one by one due to her age.
Nan meant so much to me, when I got my driver's license her house was the first place that I went to. I would drive to see her as often as I could, and I would keep her up to date on everything that was happening in my life. And when she fell ill was no exception, I was glued to her bedside all day every day.
I was a senior in high school when she was sick and all I needed to graduate was an English credit, so I got out of school at 10:30 every day. Once Nan was hospitalized, I was there by her side from 11am to 11pm on most days. I talked with her for hours about her life, about meeting my Pap, about how her siblings had passed in a fire when she was young, and everything else under the stars.
For almost 30 days in a row, I was there for her, calling off work and putting my life on hold just so that I could be there for what was left of hers. She had many visitors, some family members came from Nebraska, Florida, and hours away by car just to spend time with her in her last days. One person that was absent, however, was Matthew.
Matthew was raised by Nan growing up. His mom had him when she was way too young. In fact, my father was the product of my grandmother’s sister’s husband and my grandmother. So, my Nan raised him instead.
At first, my Nan would ask when Matthew was going to stop by, but over the month she asked less and less.
They moved her to a hospital that was closer to her home and the rest of her family, and I kept going to see her, but this time the commute was an hour instead of 10 minutes. This hospital was conveniently located 5 minutes away from Matthew's house, but still no sign of him. Not until things took a turn for the worst that is.
My Nan’s condition was getting very bad and my grandmother, Matthew’s mom, had asked me to go and pick up my Nan’s husband because everyone thought that this was the last chance that they would have to see each other. Little did I know, as I was out to get Pap, my gram had called my dad and told him that this was it and he had to come and say goodbye.
When I returned with Pap, my dad and his girlfriend were there at her bedside for the first time since she had fallen ill. The moment I saw my dad, I started to shut down. I feared him. Even though it could have been the last time that I could have seen my Nan, I left the room to cry in the hallway. This is the man that had abused me, my siblings, and my mom for so many years yet now all of a sudden, he was there like he was the golden child.
After having only been there for about an hour, my dad and his girlfriend decided that it was time to leave. My gram turned to me and told me that my dad loves me still and he didn’t mean any of that stuff from the past and that he wanted to talk to me. Idiotically, I listened to her and walked after him and his girlfriend and called out, saying, “dad, do you have a minute?”
He snapped back with “no, I don’t” and then grabbed a nurse and told her that “this kid is following me, and I don’t feel safe enough to walk to my car, I need security to make sure he doesn’t harm me”
I broke down and asked him if he even remembered me or if he cared enough to ever want to reconcile with me and his girlfriend chimed that I need to leave him alone and that I don’t understand what he’s going through.
If there was any part of this story that I regret, it is what I said next. My dad’s girlfriend was born and raised in Germany and had talked about German history and that sort of thing with us in the past, and well... she didn’t denounce what the N@zi's did, let's just say that.
I told her “Shut up you stupid kraut, I’m not talking to you”
After this my dad yelled at me in the hospital and said “way to show your true colors, I knew I was right about you all along”
The next morning on my drive to the hospital I got a call from an attorney saying that Matthew had filed an emergency protection from abuse against me (my state doesn’t do restraining orders, but just think that).
In my state there are 2 types of PFA’s, EPFAs and regular ones. The kind that my dad filed against me was the Emergency kind that would get immediately granted in order to protect the person that filed from imminent dangeserious harm, then they would retroactively checkup to see if the EPFA was warranted after it was filed.
This meant that I could not go and see Nan again, not as long as I had this EPFA hanging over my head.
The claim that Matthew made against me, his own son, had so many errors and made-up nonsense. For example, he said that I am 6’2”, 220lbs, brown eyes, mentally unstable/dangerous, threatened his life, that I own guns and that he fears I’d use them on him, that I abuse my brother and sister, that I abuse my Nan, that I followed him to his car and all of these other things. He even spelled my name wrong in the document. A name that HE gave to me.
At most I’m 5’10”, 160lbs, green eyes and never shot a gun before, you get the picture. All of it was nonsense. The judge didn’t know that though when he filed it, he just heard a story of a crazed man who owns guns and wants to use them.
I got in contact with a lawyer once I got off the phone and tried to find any way around this so that I could go and see my Nan before she passed.
Unfortunately, I was too late. My Nan passed the next day, and I could not say goodbye. She had her funeral (which she asked me to sing at) and was buried all before I could get this EPFA overturned so that I could go and see her.
I missed all of it and Matthew got to walk away unscathed.
This happened a year ago and I am just finally getting it off my chest. I don’t even care if anyone reads this, I just wanted to type it.
If it makes anyone feel better, my dad was a middle school music teacher, but wasn’t allowed to go work around kids this year because of another lawsuit that he got himself.

-First- -Previous- -Next (on Patreon)-
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My second to last quarter just ended and I'm pretty swamped with final reports right now, but I'm almost through. Not to mention, the next seven weeks are going to be pretty light because of a sudden lack of classes, since I busted my butt finishing up my remaining credits. I've decided to dedicate this time to (among other things) a writing frenzy! I wanna get some serioussss backlogs up because who knows how busy I'm going to be after graduation. (Not to mention, I'm having some troubles getting my VISA renewed, but that's a personal issue).
Anyways, don't wanna bore you with irl stuff. You're here for food and gay furry romance! So as always, I hope you enjoy reading! :D
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Thank you to Philodox on discord for proofreading and editing RfD.
Thank you to Pampanope on reddit for the cover art.
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Memory Transcript Subject: Sylvan, Venlil Citizen
Date: [Standardized Human Time]: December 13, 2136
​
It wasn’t too long that I was absent from the event. Sure, Kenta and I had run into a few hiccups when trying to load up the cart, but that was to be expected. Just looking at the absolute behemoth of an edible pile that he had somehow been able to put together in such a short amount of time, it was a wonder just how we were able to fit them all on there in the first place. And the promise that there was still more yet to be brought out had left me astonished. If I hadn’t already seen the ravenous vortex of Venlil that had so efficiently done away with the other dishes, I might have actually been worried about leftovers.
The food in question, long tubes made out of some kind of starchy form of strayu and packaged in an even starchier husk, were stacked in circular pyramids atop three large trays. As it turned out, this delicacy was the same “Tamale” recipe that I had heard mentioned the day before, the sheer amount being the product of Kenta’s, Julio’s, and even Jeela’s preparations. Unfortunately, I hadn’t received the full explanation of what they were just yet, but Kenta had thankfully given me at least a quick rundown.
Using the same steaming methods as the gyoza, these tamales had been folded carefully over a mix of fresh, crisp vegetables whose scent floated around each in a rich aura. They were hot out of the steamer, a cloud of gaseous water encircling the air above it in a decadent plume. If I hadn’t known better, with the combined mass of the tamales and the sheer volume of steam they collectively released, it might have made me believe the cart itself to be on fire. But of course, there was no such thing, and the cloud that spread into the sky only served to sweeten the air.
As I rolled out the cart, I looked at one last addition to the ensemble. There in a large bowl was something that Kenta hadn’t mentioned in the slightest when explaining the recipe and reasonings behind the tamales, and I had been so urgent to get these out the door that I’d forgotten to press for more details. It had been left in the refrigerator since the day before, which I had only noticed when doing inventory after the fiasco of event preparations.
‘It completely slipped my mind until now… I’m glad I didn’t forget it. Especially after what that note said.’
When I had found the bowl, a small piece of paper had been taped to it. On which, an alien text had been inscribed that required me to use my visual translator to make any sense of. It had been nothing but obvious that holding up the translator informed me that the language was indeed Terran. But what confused me was that instead of the morphemic script that I had come to slightly recognize from Kenta’s subculture, it instead appeared to be something more alphabetic.
On it, the note simply read: “Make sure to serve this with the tamales, my friend. Don’t forget!”
Additionally, below those words had appeared to be an additional message. That one, however, was partially scribbled out. When I scanned that one as well, the translator had taken a long time to process, and its output remained considerably fractured: “**od l*ck wit* y*u* n*w boyf***nd.”
Having not thought much of the note, I had just barely remembered to retrieve the bowl from the fridge and put it on the card while Kenta was off busy grabbing one last batch of tamales before rushing me out the door. I shook it out of my mind for the time being. After all, right now there were more pressing things to manage.
Wheeling the cart back outside, I was hit with the briefest shortage of breath. It had only been a momentary respite, but shifting from the quiet of the empty diner to the lively atmosphere of a crowded party would never not be a shock. By now, enough people had shown up that the event could already be considered at max capacity. People from all over filled the street, chatting and conversing in a rambunctious, lively gusto.
To see so many people take the time out of their schedules and come down to my family’s diner just because of the promise of our food… It was almost overwhelming, enough to bring a brief tear to the eye reminiscent of my reaction to that very first wave of people Ginro had brought soon after I first hired Kenta. I took a moment just to bask in it. A feeling I had all but begun to grow almost too accustomed to. A feeling of success, and of pride. And as I once again continued pushing the cart past the crowds of chatty party attendees, along with the piles of wool that it entailed, that feeling continued to pour into me. It was all almost too much to hear at once.
“Hey Sylvan! Great party!” said one voice to my left.
“Amazing food as always, Lackadaisy guy! I can’t get enough of these little strayu things in the salad!” piped another to my right.
“Ooooo! What are those things?” asked one more as I passed by them, who excitedly eyed up the stack of tamales I was delivering.
I laughed along and chatted with people on my way to one of the tables, chuckling at their jokes and accepting their praise on behalf of both myself and the mysterious ‘Kahnta.’ With each pleased guest and hungry gaze, I couldn’t help but feel myself bloom in sheer joy at the tidal wave of enthusiastic complements.
That was… until one otherwise innocent comment sounded from behind me.
“So you’re telling me this was all made by one chef?” they asked one of their friends, not intending me to hear as they talked with their mouth half stuffed with food. Looking closer, I could see that they were two Gojids chatting with one another. “Better enjoy it now, I guess. Not gonna be long before some fancy place in the Capital comes and recruits them. Honestly, if the owner of this place wants to have any hope of holding on to them, he better marry them or something.”
The partygoer’s friend laughed, “Well if he doesn’t, then I will! Can you imagine eating something like this every day?”
I couldn’t help but bloom even more overhearing this. But this was a different kind of feeling. Not the gentle warmth of normal delight, but instead the torrid heat of surging emotions. And as I began nonchalantly transferring the steaming tamales to one of the tables, these emotions steamed to the surface of my mind as well.
It was a mix of things that fueled my silent reaction. At first, the implication of asking Kenta into matehood was… well it was certainly something. I was sure the two Gojids were simply making innocent remarks, assuming that the lie about my precious chef being another, completely ordinary Venlil was correct, not realizing in the slightest just how much the implication left me flummoxed. And in normal circumstances, it would have been just that, a simple perk of the ears and a brief daydream of something so far away from me. But after yesterday, things had changed.
The previous day had been eventful, to say the least. I had eaten some amazing pastries and listened to an even more amazing alien melody. Only for it all to come crashing down when my idiotic brain forgot to turn back on the translator before pouring out my entire menagerie of pent up emotions before Kenta. My one chance to seize an opportunity at the height of a courageous high, only to tumble and fall flat during the execution. Even worse, I couldn’t muster the bravery to say the same thing even one more time.
I had completely blown it. And needless to say, I wasn’t exactly keen on remembering my mistakes from that previous day, especially during such a pivotal event. The only mediocre condolence I could take from the whole ordeal being the opportunity of waking up next to Kenta that same day. But even that was cut much too short by the mad rush to get preparation ready for the event.
‘I can still remember how warm he felt… And how peaceful he looked when his eyes were closed…’ I thought to myself in deep reminiscence.
“Hey there Sylvan!”
‘I can’t get it out of my head…! Ugh! I wish it wasn’t just a one time thing…’
“Sylvan?”
‘If we really were together romantically, then maybe I could see that every day… But that’s not–’
“Sylvan!!”
The moment my attention was pulled away from my internal thoughts, I audibly bleated out a high pitched noise of surprise, “Eeep!”
My ears jutted up and my tail straightened like a steel beam. My attention shifted over to my side, where I soon realized Fehnel now stood. She had her paws held firmly on her hips, with a head tilted to the side in a half puzzled, half amused demeanor. Then, when I realized I had been staring a little too long without saying anything, I quickly turned my attention back to the table.
“Oh hey Fehnel!” I stuttered out. “Didn’t see you there!”
“Sorry if I sneaked up on ya, hun,” Fehnel replied with a single wag of the tail. “Got somethin’ on the mind, I’m assumin’?”
The image of Kenta and I huddled together on my couch flashed through my mind once more, before I quickly shook it away. “Uhhhh… Nope! I’m just really focussing here on getting these tamales out.”
“‘Tamales,’ huh?” Fehnel chuckled. “Well between this and that ‘gee-yo-za’ stuff, I think I’m startin’ to give up on predictin’ what crazy name Kahnta’ll come up with next.”
“Yeah it’s pretty… uh–” I coughed awkwardly, clearing something nonexistent out of my throat. “It’s pretty creative.”
“You can say that again. By this point, they’re startin’ to sound almost alien!” Fehnel laughed again, and I cringed as the irony fell over deaf ears. “But hey, who am I to judge! I mean, to me all the stuff on this planet is alien, so what’s another ‘Tamale’ added to the pile, yeah?”
I had to stop my ears and head from shrinking too far towards the ground.
“Anyways, I’m assumin’ these are the actual foods I requested Kahnta to create, right?” Fehnel continued to ask.
“Uh– Y-yeah, yes they ar–” I tried to say before one of Fehnel’s paws suddenly reached out and grabbed my wrist.
“Great!” she beamed, before dragging me away into one of the many chatty piles of fluffy wool that constituted our event.
It didn’t take more than a few rushed steps before I was suddenly pulled in front of another Yotul and Venlil, who I did well to recognize immediately. It seemed as though Kadew and Vuilen had arrived, the former of which looking just about as nervous as I had expected. Vuilen, on the other paw, was anything but. Her tail was wagging furiously, almost impossibly giddy with enthusiasm as her ears shifted around a swivel, likely allowing every new smell and sound to pull her attention to and fro.
Fehnel dragged me forward and plopped me down right in front of the two, before saying, “Tell them what you just told me.”
Vuilen leaned forward, bestowing me her full attention, while Kadew remained stationary, only doing as much as to straighten a single, skeptical ear.
“W-well, uh…” I stumbled, before quickly getting my act together. “Among a number of new strayu recipes, the main entree for today’s event is called ‘Tamales.’”
“Oooo!” Vuilen beamed. “What’s that, Lackadaisy guy? It sounds awesome!”
“According to Kahnta, it’s a mix of vegetables folded in a spongy strayu wrap and steamed inside a starchy husk. And…” I tilted my ears towards Kadew, “It’s supposedly a specialty that is designed to be eaten during times of celebration with family. Regardless of whether they be by blood, or found.”
Kadew huffed a short breath, before folding her arms. But before she got the chance to speak, Vuilen’s enthused voice overtook it. The black and white wooled Venlil leaned into her smaller Yotul partner and pulled them into a strong hug.
“Hear that, Dew? It’s like this food was MADE for your Running Day!” Vuilen piped, bouncing up and down like a cub and bringing the now deeply blooming Kadew along for the ride. “Well… I guess it literally was, but you know what I mean! Either way, there’s like a million new kinds of strayu foods here! Can you believe that? I think I even saw some sylvanas over on that table there! Can you even begin to wonder what they taste like? Oh my Sol, I’m so excited!”
Kadew, whose previously unimpressed countenance now had more steam coming out of her ears than the tamales off in the distance, stuttered out her response. “Uh– Uhmm– That’s… that’s great…”
“I know right!” Vuilen squealed. “This is going to be the BEST Running Day ever! I’m so happy for you!”
I couldn’t help but giggle out in response to this, something which Fehnel had long since been doing on her own volition. Unfortunately for Kadew, this did nothing to ease the sheer amount of embarrassment already flying around her dazed face.
“Of course, all guests are free to eat their fill, especially those invited by the Claw’s Lady herself,” I said, before gesturing a paw towards Fehnel. “All of it has been covered in advance by our generous sponsor.”
Vuilen retreated from her hug just as quickly as it had started, twisting her attention back towards Fehnel and I. “Really? I still can’t believe you’re just giving away all this for free!”
She walked towards the two of us, leaving a still dazed Kadew behind her, before rushing to give Fehnel herself another brief hug. “Thank you so much again for organizing something like this, ma’am.”
Fehnel returned the embrace, having nothing but pure pride and joy radiate through her voice. “Of course, hun. I hope you and my daughter enjoy your date.”
“Oh we will!” Vuilen replied quickly, pulling back once again. Just as fast, she began making a beeline for the buffet tables, almost disappearing into the crowd of fellow Venlil fluff before her voice was heard once more. “I’ll be back in a jiffy, Dew! I just gotta try some of this stuff before it’s all gone!”
Before she was out of range, I twisted around, raised a paw up to my mouth, and stood up high to help carry my voice after her. “Don’t forget to save room for dessert!”
Turning back, I joined Fehnel once again in her chuckling. It didn’t take long for Fehnel to comment on the situation now that Vuilen was out of earshot.
She leaned over and gently nudged me in the leg with her tail. “She’s a riot, ain’t she? Does my daughter know how to pick em’, or what?”
“Oh yeah, I’ve seen them together in the diner all the time. Honestly, I’ve been wondering how long it was going to take to knit that scarf,” I commented, referencing one of the more common and romantic Venlil courtship rituals.
“Guys I can HEAR YOU!” Kadew yelped, now seemingly freed of her hug-induced daze.
“Oh hun don’t you worry yourself about us,” Fehnel replied, a slight hum to her voice. “Us adults can’t help but watch the young love bloom.”
“That guy’s barely older than I am!” Kadew shot back, raising a finger to point at me.
I raised two paws in defence, much too similar to the way Kenta does when he’s been caught teasing me. “Hey, doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate it when I see it. You’re doing great, by the way.”
The teasing, however, had been lost on her. I had meant it in good will, but my words had only served to aggravate Kadew, and she huffed out an annoyed breath. Then, she started stomping rapidly in place, her trained legs moving in a blur like overclocked turbines. From even the briefest glance, I could tell that something had been pulling away at her tail, and our comments were doing it no favours.
“Uhh… are you alright?” I asked tentatively.
“ARGH!” she groaned back. “No! No, I am very much NOT alright! Running Day’s here already, I feel like a pile of speh, my fur’s a mess, and I’m FREAKING THE BRAHK OUT!!”
‘Quite the vocabulary on this one, apparently,’ I judged silently, wondering how my mother would have reacted to hearing me talk like that.
“Honey, Vuilen’s not gonna care about any of that silly stuff,” Fehnel said jovially. “Why, I remember bein’ covered in dried mud the first time I went on a date with your father. We went down to the creek together and took turns tossing water at each other. Then, we went down to the local actin’ house and watched a show. But even after all of that, I still had a bit of dried mud crusted on my fur, but your father didn’t mind. Said it gave me ‘character,’ of all the silly things.”
“Isn’t dried mud just dirt?” I asked.
“Naw, see, dirt is sand, silt, and clay, but it only becomes mud when it has a higher content of clay.”
“So then what happens when dirt gets wet but doesn’t have a lot of clay?”
“Wet dirt.”
“Ah.”
“WHAT ARE YOU BRAHKING TALKING ABOUT!?” Kadew squealed in a panic, her stomping had not ceased in the slightest. She threw her paws up and pulled her ears down over her eyes. “Dirt and mud! That’s all that we Yotul talk about apparently! And trains! Can’t forget the brahking trains! Stars above, that’s all people ever say!”
“Trains are cool,” I said indifferently.
“I don’t care!” she huffed, before turning to Fehnel. “Mom. What if Vuilen comes back and sees you talking about dirt? She’ll just see that it’s the only thing a primitive uplift is capable of understanding! Do you really want to prove her right?”
Fehnel looked shocked, but replied nonetheless. “Has… she said something like that before?”
“Well…! No…! But…” Kadew stomped again. “She might, okay!? Especially if she sees you actively talking about it!”
“To be fair, I asked,” I replied. “Besides, Vuilen seems like a smart girl. She wouldn’t make a rash assumption about the Yotul based off some random remark. Relationships are stronger than that. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“What do you know about it!?” Kadew shot back, releasing her ears and letting them perk up to max height. “Unless I missed something, I don’t see you dating any other Venlil in that restaurant of yours! How do you know if any of this is fine!?”
Fehnel’s voice soured immediately. “Kadew! That is no way to talk to our new business partner! He was just tryin’ to help! Apologize this instant!”
Realizing something had shifted without my notice, I tried to mellow my voice in an attempt to calm the situation down. “Oh, that won’t be necessar–”
“No,” Fehnel interrupted. “I refuse to let my daughter be rude to anyone. We might not have much, but we at least have manners.” She turned her attention back to her daughter. “Kadew, if you have a problem, then I want you to tell me about it. If there’s somethin’ we can do to help, then–”
“No no, it’s not…” Kadew replied, bringing two fingers up to pinch the bridge of her snout. “It’s not that…”
“It’s not what?” Fehnel tried to guess. “It’s with Vuilen, isn’t it? You’re afraid she’ll not be able to appreciate the Runnin’ Day? Listen, I know this isn’t Leirn, but Sylvan and I are kickin’ our hardest to make it special for you regardless. Sure, it’s not the most traditional, but I’m sure Vuilen won’t mind! I understand that livin’ on a new planet is taxin’, the gravity here especially, but as foreigners it’s our job to show these nice people where we come from. We’re Yotul, and nothin’ will change that!”
“Mom…” Kadew grunted back, before taking a deep breath.
Before she could speak, Fehnel continued with a proud wag to her tail. “Do you remember what a Runnin’ Day is all about, Kadew? It’s about all the cubs that came of age that year comin’ together and sayin’ that they’ll be fine by themselves. But it’s also about family. It’s about knowin’ that no matter where you run off to, I’ll be there to support you. But you’re makin’ it real hard to do that every time you don’t tell me what the matter is! And if you don’t, how can I make this Runnin’ Day the best it can–”
“But it’s not a Running Day, is it!” Kadew yelled, instantly shutting Fehnel up.
Her mother stared forward blankly, stumbling over a few unclear words. “Wh-what do you…”
“It’s not a Running Day!” Kadew repeated. “It’s not! I mean look around you!” She lifted her arms up dramatically, motioning towards the crowds of unaware Venlil around us. “We’re the only Yotul here! We’re the only two people that even know what a Running Day is, and I’m pretty sure we’re the only people that care!”
I tried to speak, “Umm… I know what a Running Day i–” but the look of animosity Kadew immediately shot my way gave me Jeela flashbacks, and I shut up just as quick.
“Kadew… Hun, that’s not true,” Fehnel tried to defend. “I’m sure they’d be willing to open their minds if we just–”
“What? Tell them all about how great it is to come from an Uplift planet? Talk about brahking DIRT some more!? Careful there Mom, don’t want to spoil their meal!” Kadew continued her berating. “Because you and I both know that the only reason anyone even showed up to this thing is because of that guy’s food!” Another finger was shot out in my direction. “Even you know there’s nothing special about your stupid Uplift culture! There’s nothing here even remotely related to the Yotul! It’s all just Venlil decorations and Venlil food, for our solely Venlil guests! And look!!” She pointed directly at the statue Jeela had placed as the centerpiece. “They have a statue of a Venlil as the center of everything! It’s the star attraction, not us! They couldn’t give a damn about me or Running Day or our culture or… or anything!”
Fehnel appeared to be on the verge of tears.
“And now I’ve got to find some kind of excuse for all this!” Kadew added. “It’s bad enough I had to drag Vuilen into pretending to care about the Yotul. But now the entire town is a part of it too! They’re laughing at us, Mom! Just like at school! Just like everywhere else I go! They’re laughing at us and you’re proud about it!”
From the verge of tears, Fehnel’s voice had croaked into a soft weep. A glimmering stream of water had begun to crawl down the ridge of her rust-coloured face.
“I hate being born a Yotul! I hate this gross, rusty fur! I hate everyone thinking I’m primitive and that I must be in love with trains and steam engines! And I hate you trying to push your culture on me! Cause guess what? I’ve never even seen Leirn! It’s NOT my home and you need to stop pretending it is!”
Fehnel stood simply aghast, the occasional choked-up garble of sounds emerging from her throat. Meanwhile, I stood speechless as well. Obviously, I had accidentally walked in on and been exposed to something that had been going on for quite a while. But even worse, it seems as though I had done nothing but fanned the flame of this long-fueled fire. Instinctively, I began taking a few steps back to give the two their space, which went unnoticed by either party.
Fehnel swallowed, her eyes still welling tears. “I… I…” she tried to say, but no words would form. Instead, she choked on her own voice. And Kadew, who stood waiting for a response, sucked in heavy loads of air in the fleeting hope to catch her breath.
But instead of an answer, all that any of us heard was a scream.
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Hi,
I joined this group recently because it was suggested to me by one reditter. I am one of 6 kids so naturally my parents wouldn't have developed deep relationship with any of us.
Nevertheless, when I got pregnant with my first, I had hyperemesis gravidarium and it was very hard. I realized my mom never asked me about how am I doing and when I asked her to come over to take care of myle in postpartum , she refused (I offered her to pay everything).
I live abroad (US) my family is in Europe so one would think they'd call me to see how is my pregnancy was going. Her refusal to help me when I was literally being hospitalized weekly due to dehydration (hyperemesis gravidarium= you vomit daily dor 9 months of pregnancy) made me do a test: I stopped calling her. Inhad suspicion that she doesn't give a damn about me but it was too painful to admit.
To my ultimate shock when I stopped calling it didn't prompt her to call me at all. 3 months went by and we haven't spoken. Then it hit me, I went through my all WhatsApp history of living in US for 8 years and the stats were:

1. No calls from my father ever / he had a lot of missed calls from me.
   
2. 5 out of 8 B'days forgotten by them.
   
3. 6 calls on average from my mother a year (always needing something) / many many calls from me
   
4. No proactive start of messages from my father and less than 15 altogether from my mother(most needing something).
   
5. In writing I invited them to US countless times, always made an excuse why not (I always offered to cover it all).
   

Then my daughter was born, they didn't come. I continued my test and never called them. To this day they don't call back.....ever. we have a family chat also with our siblings. There it is as usual, somehow they - share loving pictures with kids of my siblings, videos with them and they look like grandparents from a magazine.
I am no contact with them for over 2 years and they keep living happily with my other siblings, not giving a damn about me or my kids.
In the meantime, I paid their vacation 3 times (every time they refused to come to US) my husband and I use the money we had for them to get them vacation within EU. Paid US experimental medical treatment for my brother (because it's not available in EU yet) because he has a rare disease.
Also, I paid lawyer for my sister when she was getting a divorce and her ex managed to remove her from their joint bank accounts. Financed the startup capital for my brother.
Slowly but firmly I realized that it has always been me, who was saving and helping everyone......but no one ever cared for me. They still don't..... I feel I am estranged from the all except from my brother who is dead grateful for his treatment and calls me often.
I realized I was waiting for their love for over 30 years and it is never coming. I have been crying a lot last year. Hard truth to accept.