Poems for somebodies birthday

A few years ago during that time when I was in high school, me and my ex friend went to different schools, I wanted to go to the same school as her but I couldn't since it was too far.
I told her that I couldn't go to the same school but she told me she was glad I didn't go to the same place as her because if I did, me and her wouldn't be friends at all.
You know the reason why she said that? She said if I went there, other people would take me away from her and that she would hate me which I found that stupid. Fast forward a few years later I had a boyfriend during college (he's now an ex) When I went out to town with my family, she called to me crying (while I was in a resturant) because apparently I've been ghosting her and ignoring her saying I've been too busy to even talk.
During this time I was struggling with my mental health, my relationship and college, She would start arguments with me saying I don't have time for her, not texting back saying I'm drifting away from her. Not to mention she wrote a poem about me(I have the poem on my phone) , I didn't know what to say and she asked you're not mad I wrote a poem about you? You won't sue me right?
And I was like it's fine but in my head it wasn't fine. She would make it about herself, I listened to her constantly complaining and she would trauma dump the past. She brought up the fact I didn't turn up to choir practice while I was getting bullied.
She blamed me for that not the girl who bullied me, not to mention she and the bully were friends on Facebook, the girl who bullied me would talk trash about me to her and she would tell me the horrible things the bully said about me, I was so hurt and betrayed yet I still kept her as a friend.
2 years go by and this was before Covid hit, the day she arrived I took her to my dance practice so she could watch before my day. She complained saying that she's tired, didn't take her meds, telling me she wasted her money to come visit me. I was embarrassed when she was having a tantrum infront of everyone that I had to take her somewhere else.
It felt like a burning iron everytime she complained I was flustered and I felt tired just by listening to her. On the evening the day before my birthday party, there was no food at the house since my mother was busy preparing for my debut. She hasnt eaten food or taken her meds but blamed me again, so we both had to walk to mcdonalds in the evening around 8pm just for her to eat.
The day of my birthday party, everything was going well, I introduced her to my college friends and others but after the party we went back to our rooms getting ready for bed, she asked me why didn't you introduce me to those boys? Why didn't you spend time with me? I didn't know what to say anymore because I was tired genuinely that we didn't talk until morning.
Then after a few days I haven't heard from her, She was talking to one of my guy friends but the thing is she would only talk to me if she had problems with him and would come crying in call and texting me about it. I have been reassuring her every time she had problems with my guy friend and it was tiring, he even mentioned to me she was controlling and bossy and he was right .
I never complained about anything between me and her but she wanted to make problems that I didn't talk to her or wasn't talking to her enough, I gave her space and I gave myself space but she still complained why I didn't message her but I did several times but in other days I wouldn't talk to her because I was scared.
I never talked about my mental problems and my trauma with my SA past to her because she'll make me feel worse and trauma dump and mention the past about me leaving her repeatedly when I was bullied by the same girl she was friends with.
I wanted to cut ties with her but I was afraid that she will get mad at me because she had issues with her behaviour for always getting angry and shouting at me when we get into an argument in call and would blame me.
But I was genuinely afraid at the same time losing my only friend because I had no one else to talk to. After a month or two I was messaging her and she brought up the vaccine topic, during that time she was a student nurse and I didn't really want to talk about it but she insisted telling me I should take the vaccine. If I didn't take it apparently I would affect her "family, friends and patients" but what about me? What am I to her? Me and her live in different cities 1 hr away from each other, so how can I affect them if I live so far away? That doesn't make sense.
She told me If I didn't take it she told me people would think I'm a dirty pest and a scumbag.
I was so done, honestly so done after she posted our private conversation on her private story but apparently she deleted it afterwards just for me to see? Not sure if I believe that. I blocked her on every social media and after that I felt better, the heavy burden I held for so long was gone. I was happier without her.
I never even got birthday gifts from her even when I gave hers every year so I stopped gifting her. I wasted 9 years of friendship and stopped trusting people after that.

My baby’s first birthday just passed and I’ve been reflecting a lot on why this arrangement and relationship didn’t work for me. As per my past posts, I recently left my relationship with our child and there are lots of reasons why. We came together as a ‘family’ to celebrate ours baby’s birthday as it was the mature thing to do / that’s what he wanted so I happily obliged. As an ex-‘stepmom’, we have lots of feelings that are often ignored, we are silenced as we’re not the ‘real parent’ however are expected to act and love and care like real mother’s do. Most of the emotional and domestic labour falls on us, particularly because we’re female and these partners can’t be assed half the time with doing this stuff. I’m not quite sure it’s the same for stepdads but I’d love to hear more about your experiences. Here’s what I reflected on… it’s a long one sorry! - I hated how the SKs were raised. They don’t have to answer people when they’re spoken to (waiters, doctors, relatives etc) which I find embarrassingly rude. They look unkempt and messy, this is especially mortifying in public. I’m not talking about grubby little babies, that’s to be expected, but 7 - 14 years old should be well groomed; not roll out of bed and go out for the day in their grotty tracksuits. They’re iPad kids and are allowed to be on them 24/7 which I don’t agree with. They don’t even leave the house on the weekends to go out and do activities at either house unless it was me taking them (and paying for it too!) this is not how I would raise my child. It’s 100% their parents’ fault. - it fell on me, as a first time mom, to foster relationships between the half siblings. Their dad would hang back whilst he would expect me to ensure they are present for bath time or other important things concerning my baby. To be breastfeeding, pumping around the clock on zero sleep and then having to sit there and try to force an iPad kid to care was exhausting and quite frankly not my job, especially whilst their dad is sitting there on his phone. - the financial aspect. It was expected of me to pay half for children which aren’t mine. This included the house he rented which included two extra bedrooms that I didn’t need, the groceries which would fill their lunchboxes, the ingredients for dinner(s) that would all be gobbled up in one fell swoop plus leisure activities and outings. I would never expect a new partner to pay half for my child, ever. - the constant comparisons between half siblings by their dad and his family. No one wants to hear about how similar the children look (especially when they don’t) when the other kids were to somebody else. No new mom wants to hear about the baby mama’s birth, how she handled pregnancy or first time motherhood, whether she handled it ‘like a champ’. It’s extremely hurtful as everyone is different ! - joining a family doesn’t mean that your own experiences or traditions get cancelled out. I hate when my ex would say “well you joined our family!”. Nope, you also got together with me and I have cultural traditions which are important to me too and important that my child celebrates them as well (like making a big deal about birthdays! I love to celebrate them; they are indifferent). - made to feel like none of my first time mom experiences mattered. There was never any excitement from him towards our baby’s achievements. As a first time mom, everything my baby achieves is unbelievable (like clapping, laughing etc) To him, his children always either did it faster, better, in a funnier way. I didn’t need to hear about those experiences, they weren’t relevant to my experience. I also wasn’t allowed to recoup from my c-section as they came home and partner couldn’t help me as he had to ‘tend to them’. - never feeling at home in the home. Of course his children should feel comfortable at home with their dad, I don’t dispute that, but sadly I didn’t feel like I could be myself there. I couldn’t breastfeed my child in front of the TV or have my own quiet time to just read or decompress. I either had to listen to YouTube on maximum volume or be forced to be smushed into the corner of the couch so they could spread out on their games. I found myself escaping all the time and felt so much happier when they weren’t around. - the relationship not being worth it to endure bad behaviour, tantrums etc. Sadly without the biological bond, it’s much harder to accept bad behaviour from children that aren’t yours, especially ones you can’t discipline. I just found that our relationship wasn’t worth all the bad times. The bad outweighed the good. - no effort being put into our relationship. He couldn’t be bothered doing anything socially, hardly was affectionate etc. He claims he’s depressed but he has no problem travelling solo. He’s just depressed that he doesn’t have a live in nanny / maid that does everything for him regarding the kids.
That’s all I can think of for now. There’s probably so many more but my brain hurts from overwhelm lol Would love to hear if any of these reasons resonated with you & if you’ve stuck it out this far, thank you for reading!

Weird title, and weird story, but I have to get this off my chest and tell somebody about it because it upset me so so badly.
My grandpa is in the middle stages of dementia, and he likes to watch animals. Birds outside, the neighborhood cats outside of his window, squirrels, live cams of animals on TV, all that kind of stuff keeps his attention and make him less antsy for a long time. So for his birthday in early April, I got him a 20 gallon fish tank to keep on the table next to his recliner. Now, I did some research into fish, and found out it was best to run the tank for a while before putting fish in it. Ok, so I set it all up on his birthday, put some aquatic plants in it, and let it run until I got home from college, about a month later.
The other day I decided it was finally time to get some fish. Although I could have done this without my Papa, I decided it would be good to get him out and about, and get his say on what color of fish we were gonna get. We talked about what fish we wanted before this, and decided that wanted at least 4 Tetras, so we could name them after the Beatles.
We get to the big chain pet store, Papa picks out a little yellow submarine to put in his tank, all is well, until we get to the actually getting of the fish. A worker comes out and asks me what type of fish I want, I point out the exact fish, and ask my Papa what colors he would like. The worker stops me, and asks me who exactly the fish are for, and seeing no reason to lie, I tell the worker that they are for my Papa. Who, at this stage of dementia, it is quite obvious he is not at 100% mental capacity. Suddenly, the worker gets all strange, and begins interrogating me on my tank. What size it is, how long the filter has been running, etc. Again, I see no reason to lie to him, so I tell him everything already covered. The worker says that my tank is way to small, that I need at least 30 gallon tank to hold any fish, and that my filter hasn't been running for long enough, blabbers on for about 30 minutes about how irresponsible it would be for me to have this fish, an insists the only thing that can live in my tank is plants. He says he will not sell us fish, any fish. He then proceeds to practically force us to buy a plant (picked one off the shelf, put it in my hand, and walked us to the register). I buy the plant and my Papa's yellow submarine.
At this point, I am fuming. I kind of caught on to what this worker was about-he assumed my Papa couldn't take care of this fish. But I'm trying to keep my cool, not wanting my Papa to see that I was upset. Papa is of course confused when we get back to the car as to why we have no fish, I tell him that they just didn't have the ones we wanted (now usually I tell the truth but in this situation, I knew he would have stormed back in and demanded the fish if he knew what had happened)
I knew for a fact fish could live in the tank I set up, so I did what I should have done in the first place, go to the local fish store. The reason I didn't do this in the first place is because it is not disability accessible, like so many small business are, unfortunately.
I go to the local fish store, leaving Papa in the car with the Beatles playing (of course), explain to the fish man my situation. Asking him if there are any fish that could live in a 20 gallon tank
"Of course, I've got the perfect fish for you"
You know what they were? Tetras! The only warning the fish man gave me was to keep the food hidden from my Papa as him may over feed them, no problem was gonna do that anyways. Plan was for me to be the fish caretaker in the first place.
So now John, Paul, George, and Ringo are happily living next to my Papas chair with their yellow submarine. My Papa couldn't be happier watching his fish. I'm just so mad we were seemingly discriminated against by the worker at the big chain store, I assume he thought my Papa would be the sole caregiver of the fish, which is an unfair assumption, especially since he didn't ask me who would be caring for the fish-just who the fish were for.
Sorry for the long post, this whole story has had me fuming for days, I though writing it all out for you lovely internet people would help me calm down about it.
TLDR: Big chain store wouldn't sell me and my Papa fish because worker assumed my Papa wasn't capable of taking care of them, local business to the rescue. Paul, John, George and Ringo are now very happy fish.

I don’t understand why I feel so sad when I want to try something that is new for me or something I’ve wanted to do for a while with a specific person but for whatever reason they might end up doing it with somebody else, getting me to the point of not even wanting to mention what I wanted to do anymore, and if they now want to do it, I won’t participate. it’s not that I’m upset at them for doing it without me, I just drop my interests so fast and get really stubborn when it’s my turn to experience it, because I don’t want to do it anymore, but why? If I was exited at first, what happened to make me feel like that.
Example: I wanted to go karaoke with my bf, either only the two of us or our friend group, I’ve wanted that for a while but we’ve never had the opportunity to do so, then he got invited to a karaoke birthday party tonight, I told him to enjoy and to text me if he needed anything, but while he was there, I was crying in my room for hours and I don’t want to go karaoke or even talk about going karaoke anymore, I came up with the scenario where we did go karaoke but every time it just feels like I would not enjoy it at all anymore. Another example is when the Barbie movie came out, I wanted to watch it with him but he didn’t want to, after a couple of months had passed by, once everyone watched it, he offered to watch it with me, but I did not want to anymore, the thought of doing something I once wanted but not anymore makes me feel some type of way I cannot explain. It has happened with so many of my interests and things I want to do but idk why I drop my interests and prohibit myself from doing them in the future, I just don’t want to remind myself that for some reason I couldn’t achieve what I wanted. It’s not like I’m upset at them for doing it without me, it’s not like it was their intention to make me feel this way, I’ve told my bf before so he knows and does his best, but it’s not like im going to tell him “no don’t go karaoke with them because I want to do it” like 1 that’s not how I feel 2 I can’t prohibit him things like this when it’s just a karaoke party yk and I shouldn’t feel this way about it 3 I want him to have fun. I don’t think I’m looking for solutions on how to fix it but it would be nice to know them anyway. I can’t really comprehend the feeling and why I do that. Is this self-sabotage and if so why am I doing that to myself.
I might feel like they won’t enjoy it a second time with me when they’ve done that same activity before.
I feel horrible that I’m thinking that way, I’m not jealous or upset but I do get extremely sad for a while.

I'm a 53 year old man. I was a CPA for close to 30 years. My partner died September 2023, and it was suggested that I take a job doing anything that would get me out of the house. I had always had an affinity for Trader Joe's and thankfully they took a chance on hiring me and I love it. It's honestly been very important to my mental health.
To my point, I am a gay man, but apparently I don't "seem" gay, whatever that means. People have told me that my whole adult life.
When I started working at Trader Joe's almost everybody was so kind - with the exception of some young women in their early 20s or so. I didn't understand why they didn't seem to like me, I am relatively soft spoken and always polite. I make an effort to keep conversation as neutral as possible particularly in the workplace. Despite that, it was as if the young women were scared of me, or at least annoyed. When I was on CE they would tell me they didn't want me bagging for them and they had it covered.
In retrospect, I feel like such an idiot for not putting it all together.
About a month in, after somebody saw me at a local coffee shop frequented by gay guys the word got out that I was gay. I had never hidden this it's just that nobody asked.
Within two shifts, I had suddenly become a sort of fun, adorable character. These young women who previously didn't want anything to do with me we're now asking for hugs and telling me that I had "such cute dad energy". I was invited to one of the young women's birthday party.
I am making this way too long, but in short once it was found out that I was gay I was suddenly likable to these people. I actually learned just this week that prior to this revelation two separate young women had requested that I not work them during the same product hour. Apparently I talked too much and I was creepy.
Until it was revealed that I was actually just an old old gay guy.
This is so shitty and unfortunate on so many levels.
Most importantly, these young women didn't develop this opinion of older men out of nowhere and I understand that. Something happened to them, or one of their good friends, which has made them very uncomfortable around older males in the work place. The "Me Too" movement had a real foundation to it and I realize that.
I feel like I am posting this without an answer to it. But in short, that thread about older men referring to women by the name listed on their name tag as gross or whatever was hurtful to hear. For a lot of complex reasons. It just sucks that young women were scared of me because of my age and my gender, but once my sexuality was revealed I became a sort of fun cartoon for these same young women.
Maybe this whole post doesn't belong on this specific message board. But I just really wanted to say that because I don't know how to say it to my whole crew and I probably never will.

It is just corrosive, for the last few months I’ve just been shoving it down. My partner doesn’t know what to do and I see how uncomfortable my sadness makes him and his family. They try to ‘lighten things up’ and crack jokes, or get me to dance or be silly, as I’m having a breakdown. These are the only people that have been with me through this, and I know they care, but I just hate everybody these days. I hate them for not understanding, and not trying to empathize. I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday, my first one without my dad, and nobody could respect that. They ask me over and over why I’m not excited, “birthdays are supposed to be fun!”. I feel like I am not allowed to be depressed, to be sad. I don’t know how to relate to people in my life anymore, people I built my entire life with. I feel like a fucking ghost, and so ostracized, and they don’t even notice. They don’t see how much pain I am in even when I try to tell them. They get awkward and uncomfortable and change the subject. My partner just has zero experience with any trauma or pain remotely like this, and just can’t understand. I don’t know what I’m doing, what I want with my life anymore, I don’t like anything I’m looking around at. I’m just so angry that the person I was died with him. I don’t recognize myself anymore, I don’t understand why I built this life, when I now hate it. I just want to be left alone, or be able to talk to somebody that can at least try and listen to me, or bother to ask me at the very least how I’m doing. Something not a single person in my life asks.

I'm at the point in this (grueling) process where I am turning to the internet for unbiased commentary, guys. Somebody, anybody lol
After 30 years on this planet, many friendships and a few boyfriends, I don't think I've ever just stopped talking to anybody without some kind of a departing conversation. In most situations I think the fair thing to do is amicably go separate ways, both know where the other stands, etc.
Until 2 wks ago when I felt like I was being played and chose to go No Contact with a guy I've been in a 'situationship' with since the Fall. But the way I chose to go about it has me feeling like I did it wrong...and I need advice before I do something too nice like reach back out.
I'm going to spare the full story but just know there were little things that led up to the big thing lol. And if you've been in that stage of seeing someone where you don't know what you guys are, but they're telling you it is going somewhere, this ones for us baby, Cheers.
Let's just say this guy has decently important job, where he's in the process of leveling up in his career (or so I know). He's busy and I've respected that. We make time when it works, which is usually at night and I always accepted that. Our relationship started in the gym, and I'll admit is mainly intimate; we're together at night, talk most of our days thru work, and don't get a lot of time to go out/date. For what it's worth, I'd been committed to him and we agreed we were exclusive (or I would not be involved with what we're doing).
His birthday was coming up. When I asked what he'd like to do, he said it wasn't a big deal this year, that he would be working and he doesn't care to celebrate (go out). That felt odd but I figured since it fell on a weekday it made sense, and that we'd still be together that night after work.
We spoke the morning of his birthday, he said he was working all day and we agreed if he wanted to do anything together later on he'd let me know what's up after work... this man didn't call me til 11PM.
The next day when we spoke, he said he ended up going to the gym and then out to dinner with a co worker very last minute. I was left under the impression he was busy with work!
The day after that he added on to the story that the co worker was a female, I had to ask. A female, married, long time friend and coworker he said I didn't need to worry about. This person met him for dinner at 9PM on a week night on HIS BIRTHDAY without her husband, or me.
I feel like this warranted a reevaluation of what we wanted together convo... both attempts did not go well or get me anywhere. I won't get into how, but just know he basically shut the convo down twice yet still tried to act like everything was fine by continuing to talk to me daily, ask when I was coming over etc. Meanwhile I was stewing, confused, and just trying to process and plan.
Granted, we're not in "a relationship". But I feel so disrespected and it changed my outlook on what I thought we had entirely. All things considered I just know I deserve better than that treatment, and even if this co worker is really just a friend, it's not just that he had his bday dinner with another woman alone. It's that he didn't choose me.
So a week, one last time hooking up (don't judge me please), and some small talk over those few days later, I've just stopped responding to him. I woke up one day and I felt like I deserved way more reassurance than I got and that I just let him slide. The birthday situation just doesn't sit right.
He's called a lot and from multiple numbers. But the few texts he's sent aren't endearing at all. He hasn't apologized, asked what he did, and hasn't professed any love LOL, now he just wants to know if I'm really going to ignore him.
DO I OWE HIM AN EXPLANATION?! Was my timing way off and confusing? Or does he know why?
I don't think he is a bad person. He's just not ready for me.
I went No Contact to protect myself but I also left the line open to see how he acts and what he says. I'm grown enough to know that if the man couldn't live without me I wouldn't be writing to Reddit. So I'll do the math there.....but do I at least owe him a response, or is it better to do what I'm doing?
My empath heart is going to pop help :(

This is Early Modern English, so I think this is the correct sub, but let me know.
I'm reading a 16th century sonnet, and there's one line I'm trying to figure out:

Yet dearly I love you, and would be lov'd fain, / But am betroth'd unto your enemy;

(For context, this isn't a romantic poem, it's a metaphor for his complicated relationship with religion. I'm not sure that matters.)
As far as I understand, "fain" can mean "happy/content" or "happily/contentedly." So it sounds like he is saying that if he were not already betrothed, he would like to be loved by the person he is speaking to.
My question is, is "fain" functioning as an adjective modifying "I" or as an adverb modifying "lov'd"? That is, is he saying that he would be loved, and that that would make him happy, or that he would be loved by somebody who is happy to love him?

4 years together. 2 living together. I loved him. He didn’t feel the same way I guess. 18 days since we’ve broken up no contact.
fuck you for not answering me. fuck you for leading me on. fuck you. fuck you for getting that one last fuck in. fuck you for letting me believe we were still gonna be friends. fuck you for being okay. fuck you. fuck you flr never defending me. fuck uou for everything you did during the relationship. fuck you. fuck you. i was never going to be enough for you. i was never going to be what you so dreamed of. no matter what i was never going to be it for you? you were it for me. fuck you for pretending like you loved me. fuck you for letting me believe a lie for years. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you for not moving to Victoria. never ballsy enough to end it but to let me live in misery. fuck you for being miserable with me. fuck you nathan. i hope one day you see this and think about how much you miss me. i hope you think back and realized that i loved you so hard and raw. i hope you realize what you did. i would’ve never slept with you or stayed with u for that night knowing you had no intention of continuing it. fuck you. fuck you. you let me believe you still loved me. you let me have hope for having you in my life. fuck you for everything you did. fuck you for letting me love you. fuck you for the way you handled this breakup. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you for never being there for me. fuck you for letting me cry myself to sleep next you to after i got diagnosed. i made you dinner after i got literal chemo. i had spots on my brain. you didn’t even hold me after. you were not there for me. you let me sob and didn’t even look me in hen eye. fuck you. fuck you. i tried to be a cool girl with you. I will never be cool enough. did i ever mean anything to you? was i just a body to keep you company? how can you just be fine? fuck you for wrecking my college experience. fuck you for pretending to love me. how could you love me and still be okay? fuck you for not wishing me a happy birthday. fuck you for never being vulnerable. fuck you for letting me believe i was worth anything to you. fuck u for becoming this twisted villain. i wish i could go back and erase you. i wish you never dated me. i would never have to feel like this. i would never have to be this alone. fuck uou for not trying. i begged you to love me. i begged to be enough. i sobbed to you BEGGING for a change. i beg and beg and beg and you never verbalized anything. i made you love letters, playlists, poems. i planned our future. you played video games. i am pretty, fun, funny. i am kind. i am a good person, and you destroyed me. do you hear me telling you that? you wrecked me. you took my spark and ate it. you took my beauty and stomped on it. you never said or with your words but your actions. i was worthless to you. i wasn’t even worth making dinner or a date. i wasn’t worth dinner to you. I would’ve been your wife. I would’ve been your wife. I would’ve been your wife. do you hear that? i would’ve started a life with you. actually, i did! i derailed my life for someone who couldn’t even make me fucking dinner. do you feel like a man now? do feel like one of the boys now? fuck you. how can i be friends with a man that so blanatly doesn’t care about me? respect me? did you ever? and now you’re gonna go on and paint me the villain, but i think we both know how hard i loved you. remember when i asked you if you thought we were soulmates? you said you didn’t believe in soulmates. neither did i but my love for you was so intense i started too. your love for me was so dull you can just throw me away. i fell so madly in love with you for so long and you thought i was just fine. i was nothing to you. i was just to keep you company? better than being alone? the most sick and twisted part is i do wish you the best. i want you to live a good life and fall in love and feel so much love. i want you to be okay, just wish you could’ve missed me like i miss you. if only for a little while i wish you couldve loved me like i loved you. i want you to have a wife and kids and the life you deserve, i just wish it could’ve been me. i wish i could’ve been enough for you. you loved me like a first love, but you weren’t my first, just my best. this was puppy love for you, but this was soul crushing intense love for me. you’re never supposed to read this, so if you are i on a whim decided to send it. you can take it however you want. you can paint me however you see fit, but just so you know i loved (love) you. i still crave your skin, your mind, your hair. i think i might forever. you hurt me. you hurt me so deep. i feel used. maybe im angry, or depressed, or maybe i just feel disgusted by how much of myself i gave you. you told me we would continue to see each other after (if only to be friends, or maybe more) but you looked me in the eyes and promised we would still see each other, so we had sex. so i continued to be vulnerable with you. but you never intended to stay friends with me or continue hanging out. you just wanted one last fuck. we had sex better than we have in months. is it because you knew it would be the last time? when you dropped off my stuff you kept the car running. im not even worth it to stop a minute? im not worth a hug goodbye? im completely worthless to you. you never even listened to the playlist i made you. how could i expect you to love me? how could i expect you respect me? how could i expect anything at all? i don’t know how to be a person anymore. you never looked at the posts i sent you. you never wanted to go out. you never wanted me. you never wanted me. you never wanted me. i don’t understand how you can just be ok. im sick to my stomach. everytime something happens i just want to call you. i just want to hear ur voice. i just want to see your face. i know you never want to see me again and it’s so hard. the worst part is i don’t hate you at all. i love you so much. why didn’t you love me? how am i ever going to be okay again? how am i ever going to live with this constant pit in my stomach. how can you not want me back? how can you possibly be ok right now? why wasn’t i good enough for you? how are you still laughing and being funny and having a good time? why didn’t you wish me a happy birthday? why don’t you miss me ? why don’t you miss me? why don’t you miss me?

My (31F) husband of 9 years was left by his ex wife after 5 years of marriage 13 years ago.
She left my stepdaughter behind and claimed that my husband and his family were tarnishing their daughter with LDS ideology and that she didn't have the strength to deal with his family's money. She also started a conspiracy theory that my husband's family knew, through marriage, business partnerships, or by blood to a lot of the lawyers, judges, cops in the area. Which is completely ludicrous.
Because my husband didn't want her to disrupt the daughter who she willingly abandoned my husband sent her a final lump sum payment after his alimony to her was ended, and she agreed to stop trying to angrily disrupt his family's lives via tantrums or slander.
She still had the opportunity to demand regular visitation, to arrange something semi regular for holidays. The best she could do was a few birthday cards and friending/ following Veronica on social media once she got a Facebook and Instagram.
My husband and I have our own two sons ( 9 and 4). Veronica ( now 18) has a very argumentative, self righteous personality. It's been hard, since I met her, to have any conversations with her and the only way to peace was avoidance.
At some point, I decided to defer to my husband when he said it was no use talking to somebody who answers everything with pure emotion. And he told me to stop playing the game of trying to please Veronica and to just not engage when I suspect she's moody.
So Veronica began claiming that my husband's policy of not engaging was him ignoring her. As she became a teen she'd start parroting her birth mom's view and would say she hated my husband's religious values.
In response, we decided to not engage and just focus on providing a happy childhood for our sons.
She is now a legal adult who just graduated high school. The law straw came when my husband complained about a business partner being annoying at dinner. She rolled her eyes, and said " then just give up the property you own with him for free. It's just money. I'd never pretend to like somebody I didn't just for money. I'd just quit if I didn't like my coworkers, not complain about it all the time."
I think that mockery of my husband made him say enough. He told me afterwards how angry he was at her. I'm sure some might argue my husband is overreacting and holds grudges he shouldn't but the disrespect is clear.
Long story short, my husband asked Veronica to leave and when she refused he wanted to file to evict. In response, she texted him she's leaving and she'll do fine without him, and gave him her house keys saying " I hope you are happy." My husband asks over text if she's voluntarily vacating and she replies " call it what you want- I'm leaving."
She then comes back days later begging for forgiveness. My husband refuses to let her back in and asked if I had any input on this, which I stayed silent on since he was aggravated. Her mom gets involved, finds me on Instagram, and asks me if my son was in her place if I would beg my husband to let him back in even if my husband got angry at me.
I told her that was a moot point. Her mom is mad that I refuse to do anything to " plead her case". I reply that why should I stick my neck out for her child when she has never done so in any meaningful way. I know I'd never abandon my sons ever even in the face of imminent physical danger to myself AITA?

Hello! Before I tell my story, please be good to me.
I am already 27 years old right now, but I have never told anyone this story of mine. Back in 2017, I was studying at a big public university in QC. I had midyear classes then. After my midyear classes, I would go to a “bakal” gym near V. Luna because I was too broke to enroll in gym near Katip.
One afternoon, I went to the gym. Usually, there’s no one working out in the afternoon, but this time it was different. There were at least 4 people there (sorry, I’m not Mayor Alice, but I really can’t remember the exact number). One of the guys caught my attention. I looked at him, and he looked at me. He was cute, muscular, and chinito, wearing just a sando and shorts (yes, your honor, I can still recall this lol).
At first, I thought it was normal. But that afternoon, I noticed him looking at me several times. I continued working out, sometimes staring at the walls to avoid making eye contact with him. He finished his workout before me and stood by the locker room without a shirt on. By the way, since this is a “bakal” gym, the locker room can be seen from the workout area.
After I finished my workout, I went to the locker room and tried my best to avoid looking at him. After I took a bath, I went down (because the gym is located on the fourth floor). When I was already in the parking lot, somebody called me, and voila, it was the guy who had been staring at me. He asked about my errands for the day, and I told him I was about to go home.
The conversation was normal at first until he told me, “Pansin ko tingin nang tingin ka kanina bro.” I was nervous at that moment. He suggested we have coffee to talk about it. I said, “About ano bro? Di kita gets” then he said "alam mo trip kita." He invited me to walk along Kamias Road and asked if he could touch mine. I asked, “Ano yun?” and he replied, “Yung sayo.” I allowed it since he would just tap it from outside. We continued talking while walking until I noticed we were already at a certain motel somewhere in Kamias. Then he asked if we could go inside. To be honest, at that moment, I was already full of libido, so I consented. And the rest is history.
After the thing, he asked my number but he did not reconnect already. I also had the extra allowance to enroll in gym near Katip in the same year so I had already no chance to meet him in gym.
Until now, I can still remember it, but I haven’t told anyone about it. I still work out, but I avoid making eye contact with anyone while in Gym.
Gusto ko lang i-share ito bago ako mag-birthday this year still as a discreet.

TLDR: my wife is embarrassed with my look, and it makes me feel like shit.
——
My wife is 4 month pregnant, and she is on a business trip in the Middle East, as her last one to take care of unfinished matters before she gives birth.
It’s also her birthday in a few days. So to take care of her and be with her on her birthday, I flew in a few days later. She suggested I can also survey the market and see what opportunities are here.
It’s my third day here. But every time we were going out to have meal with her business contacts, she always find fault in the way I look.
Last night, right before we were leaving to have dinner with someone she knows, she found the only pair of shoes I brought too childish (white adidas sneakers)
“Why don’t you dress like an adult?” I thought it looked fine, and it’s a casual dinner with someone from our country who works here, who are not the sharpest dressers.
So after some argument, she said, “I’ll just say you are so and so, no need to tell them you are my husband”
That was more hurtful than I expected, still remember the pain. So I said, “I guess I shouldn’t go so I don’t embarrass you.” Then she just left, and I went to a local market and had chicken crepe alone. I wandered till midnight before getting back to the hotel. I was alone and sad the whole time. ——
Today, she was going to have lunch with someone, and I wasn’t going to be at the lunch. But she wanted me to be at the mall so she can meet me after.
Again before we were leaving, she said my shirt was too wrinkled, so I started ironing but she said it’s too late. I said I’m not meeting anybody, who cares if my shirt is wrinkled. She said we still might run into somebody, and “What’s your problem with looking presentable”
I’m usually a confident person, but when she does this right before something, it just crushes me. So again I said I’m not going, and she left without further protest. I think it must be a relief for her that I won’t potentially embarrass her by being seen with her.
I think she’s always embarrassed that I’m so much younger than her, and I’m not the older mature-looking husband other people imagine she has. Even when flying long distance she wants me to wear contacts so I don’t look like “in high school”
Maybe it’s her business persona here that her usual embarrassment is more heighten. But it really hurts seeing her so embarrassed. And other things, the last few days feel like constant emotional abuse, it’s really spirit crushing. I’m usually an emotionally stable person but I’m really depressed and feel like shit, and I do become very self-conscious for looking like my age, which is too young for her.
Now I’m just in my hotel room debating whether I should get the one ticket home left tonight, because that’s what I urge to do. But I would be leaving my pregnant wife before her birthday, so I probably won’t hear the end of it. And maybe it’s her pregnancy hormone, but I don’t think her behavior is so different than if she weren’t pregnant.
I just really need to let it out before I go crazy. I wonder what you guys notice in my description. What should I do?

First off, I'm not really asking for any advice with this thread, I just want to think out loud about this situation, and if anybody wants to comment about it, wonderful. Maybe somebody will have some wise words of wisdom for me, or maybe not.
So, here's my situation. Originally, I determined that 980k was my FIRE number.
The good news, is that I'm getting a lot closer to this original FIRE number. (Thanks Google stock!)
The bad news is, I'm second guessing my original FIRE number in a huge way.
Here's the situation... When I was first figuring out my FIRE number, I was basically doing it based on living the way I'm currently living. I'm living a very minimalistic, no-frills life. I basically don't spend money on ANYTHING remotely frivolous. I spend money on my rent ($1350), food ($380), car insurance ($105), gas ($80), utility bills: gas/electric ($80), internet service ($80), cellphone service ($17), misc ($150).
I could continue living like this into perpetuity, but I don't think this would be a good idea. I love the fact that I have the ability to live like this, because I think it's a good life skill for when times are hard, but I don't think this is a flourishing way to live my life.
Here's some stuff that I almost NEVER spend any money on:

1. Clothes - I literally don't buy clothes. I'm wearing outdated clothes, that don't really fit me correctly. (I lost some weight last couple years) Every once in a blue moon I'll try to buy some specific thing from a thrift store, but buying new clothes seems insane due to the cost
   
2. I take no Vacations whatsoever - I haven't been on a vacation since the summer of 2019. Part of this, is because I'm single and I don't really have anybody to travel with anyways. My friends don't have the time off work or the $$$ to go on some nice trip, so I don't really think about it. A huge part of it though, is that I don't want to spend any money and vacations cost a huge amount. So I've just avoided it altogether.
   
3. I Rarely eat at Restaurants - Ten years ago, I ate the vast majority of my meals away from home, or basically take-out food. I almost never cooked. Money wasn't a problem 10 years ago, because I was married at the time, so we had two incomes. Also, inflation wasn't anywhere near as bad as it is now. Things have gotten really out of control. Since the pandemic, when inflation really started to heat up, I quickly discovered that I can't really afford to eat the way I used to eat. So now, I do a bunch of meal prep, cook a lot of stuff at home. I still get take-out here and there, but I do it in a frugal type way. I will get this Chinese take-out meal that's $12.23, because I know that I will get two meals from it. Basically $6.12 per meal, which isn't that horrible. (still not great, I like to spend way less than that per meal if possible). I still go to a restaurant about twice a month, but I'm mainly doing this for my kids. (I have two adult kids that don't live with me. I will take them to this restaurant about twice a month)
   
4. My Car is old - My car is about 11 or 12 years old now. It still works good, but there's nothing exciting about it. It's similar to a Honda Accord or Toyota Camry. Just a ho-hum type car. I'm not really a car person, but I find myself often thinking about how nice it'd be to drive a nice new car. Also, being a single guy, it's not lost on me that men can get sized up in a certain way based on the car they drive. I think all things being equal, a woman would rather date a guy with a nice, three year old Audi or BMW, compared with dating a guy in a 12 year old Toyota Camry. But, I know that getting a new car would mean that I'd be removing a huge chunk of change from my portfolio. I'd probably take out about 35k. My insurance payment would probably go from $105 per month to $150 or something like that. Not a huge jump, but still.
   
5. The Cost of Dating/Relationships - So, since my divorce, I've only went on a couple of dates, and ultimately it didn't go anywhere. So, I'm basically a single, lonely dude. Eventually, I'd really love to be in a relationship, but I know that being in a relationship isn't cheap at all. Especially for the guy. Despite the modern feminism movement, it seems that when it's time to pay the restaurant bill, most people expect the guy to pay. Going out for drinks/dancing, the guy is expected to pay. Even going on a vacation, the guy is probably expected to shoulder more of the burden for the overall cost of the trip. Then you have presents for birthdays/Xmas/Valentines Day, etc. Basically, relationships can be EXTREMELY expensive.
   
6. Gadgets/Electronics - I used to be really into gadgets and electronics. I'd get high-end home audio equipment. A high-end HDTV. Brand new video game consoles. VR headsets. High-End gaming PC. Expensive retro-consoles. Individual video games at $60 a pop. Various gadgets and accessories. I've basically stopped buying anything even remotely frivolous for the last 3 or 4 years, so no gadgets of any kind. It'd be nice to buy a cool gadget every once in a while, but I just completely abstain.
   

Anyways, I've been starting to think that I need to change my FIRE number to try to incorporate a budget for these other things. A yearly clothing/shoes budget. A budget for (2) one week vacations per year. A dramatically increased food budget, allowing for more restaurants. I'm talking about going from my current $380 per month to about 1k per month. Allowing myself a new car every 10 years. Basically, buying a new (or newish) car very soon, and then allowing a budget for another one about 11 years from now. Also having a dating/entertaining budget.
The problem is, when I add up all these things into the mix, my FIRE jumps from like 980k to closer to 1.6 milly.
This would be totally fine if my entire stock market portfolio doubles up in the next 12 months, but that's not very realistic. Also, even if that did happen, that would mean that we're basically year 3 into a real bull market run, and you know that it has to correct at some point.
I guess at the end of the day, I feel like I'm stuck in this conundrum, where I'm close to being able to FIRE right this moment, if I'm ok living like a hardcore minimalist that spends no money on anything. But, it's a pretty boring life. I'm ok with it, it doesn't bother me too much, but I find it hard incorporating somebody else into it. Most other people would find my life ridiculously boring, because I don't go anywhere or do anything. (the main reason why, is because I know that everything costs $$$. So I'm deliberately not going places or doing anything, cause that's just more money out of the wallet and potentially out of my portfolio)
The other part of me says....
"No bro, you can't live like this in your retirement. At least not the early part of your retirement. You're currently in your early 50's and this is the healthiest you're ever going to be, and the youngest you're ever going to be. This is the time for you to be living it up. Going on vacations. Going to restaurants. Spending money on dating and entertainment. Enjoying a nice, newish car..."
Of course, if I really want to do all that, I probably need to delay my FIRE another 4 or 5 years, and then I'll be late 50's, instead of early 50's.
(my life expectancy is probably capped at about 85, and more likely 75)

Congratulations to the family for finally enforcing a boundary! There is no way Becki would have had the maturity to understand it would be wrong for her to gatecrash that party. At the very best, she would have been planning to hang around for the first hour (accidentally becoming three) to capture content. I wonder at what point the tantrum happened when she was told she needed to give P space and stay away.
My guess is they probably started making clearer to her she wasn't a party guest pretty early on, as soon as the idea was floated. Gently at first, but making sure she had processed that she wouldn't be spending the night with her Paigggggeyyyy. But I wonder whether they had to enforce more boundaries on the night about filming P and hanging around while her friends arrived, and that's why she was doing her passive aggressive, fake happy, jealous voice last night.
It's notable we have the obsessive videos of the room set up and the grazing table, but then we fast forward to being told that P off-camera loved the room. This is from a woman who thinks nothing of shoving a camera in her family's faces at 3am in the morning when they get home from holiday. I think she might have been told she wasn't allowed to pull focus by filming Paige arriving etc last night.
Again, she gives herself away, as normally she completely unnecessarily comments on all of P's tiktok, normally some sort of inane 'beautiful' 'inspiration' comment. She hasn't commented on P's birthday balloon post. As someone else said, it's classic jealous boyfriend behaviour. She passively aggressively probably won't comment on that post (unless she reads this) as she won't approve of being left out.
I wonder if this might have given her a few home truths. It might take her brain a while to to do the maths, but might she finally question it's a bit odd to have a self-declared life inspiration best best friend but to not being invited to their birthday party...will it finally seem strange to her that it might be odd to declare someone your best friend but for it to be inappropriate and awkward for you to socialise with them.
As predicted, now P is growing up and will presumably be going out more with her new college friends, many of whom will be able to drive her, she's going to mature beyond Becki pretty quickly. And nobody in that family ever thinks of the pressure she's been put over being expected to be a companion and an inspiration to somebody twice her age. If anybody has a suffocating family member who tries to buy your love with gifts and OTT exclamations of love that come with hefty expectations, then you'll know it's really difficult to negotiate.
Finally, oh look Becki's weight was not mentioned once in the above post!! People instinctively dislike her because they can see this side to her in a way the BDL can't, and are grimly fascinated with it.
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My JW family established what I'd call an "adaptive" relationship with their "worldly" none-believing family members. Other than their having drawn a line in the sand with things like Birthdays. Thanksgiving and Christmas.....my JW parents were quite happy to have quite a full level of social engagement with our "worldly" relatives. Even to the point of all going on road trips and vacations together and attending numerous parties and "get-togethers" so long as these were not Christmas, Thanksgiving, Birthdays or Christenings etc....
Looking back, I absolutely LOVED these familial occasions.....because I guess I considered these as being "normal" (none-JW) events where everybody around me was just being their TRUE selves. Even my JW parent's personalities would change on these occasions because I guess they knew there was no need to try and wear their JW "mask" amongst their own blood relatives, and that it was safe to just relax and be themselves without any fear that somebody might be observing them through that JW "theocratic" lens.....
As far as my "worldly" relatives were concerned, so long as our family didn't bring any JW preachiness or moral superiority into the mix, they were all quite happy to treat us all as "normal" people and to fully include us in the FAMILY embrace.
It wasn't until many years later, that as a fully grown POMO adult, I had occasion to reflect on these family gatherings with some of my "worldly" relatives.
And in so doing, I was able to give them a very different account, as to what my JW parents REALLY thought about their "worldly" relatives once they were back within the safety of their newly adopted JW "family."
This came as quite a shock to some of them, not least of all because they hadn't realised that the JW faith was really that "intense" or "segregational" in nature.
When I told them that, as "worldly" relatives....they had always been deemed "as good as dead" once Armageddon arrived and that their BIGGEST "sin" in the eyes of god would simply be that they're NOT Jehovah's Witnesses....
....well the response I got to this was quite interesting.
My "worldly" grandparent was not overly concerned that, upon conversion, her own (adult) JW daughter had succumbed to such a world-view.....but what she couldn't get her head around was that she would actually try and teach this world-view to her own young children.
Namely, "us".....her own young and innocent JW grandchildren...(as were back then)
"So as young children, you were being taught by your faith, and particularly....by your Mum & Dad....that all of your none-Jehovah's Witness family were basically evil and were all going to go to Hell?.."
(My Grandmother is Catholic, so that's how SHE processes "divine judgement." )
"Well they seemed to really enjoy spending A LOT of time together with us depraved souls didn't they? And our money was always "green" whenever they were struggling to try and make ends meet?"
I couldn't help but agree with her.
Another of my "worldly" relatives has since confessed:
"We always felt so sorry for you poor children, but our instinct was to not interfere. I think your Mum & Dad were troubled souls long before they became Jehovah's Witnesses, and sometimes you just have to let people follow their own path, even if you don't agree with their choices.."
I feel very appreciative and warm towards many of my "worldly" blood relatives in this regard.
But by just being themselves and being "normal" and none-confrontational....they sowed some very crucial seeds in my young JW mind....so that when I was finally old enough and "liberated" enough to evaluate my parent's faith....I was able to use these people as a worthy and reliable metric as to what "normal" really ought to act and behave like, as compared with the many warped and dysfunctional cultic personalities I was being exposed to within the JW environment.
I realise that not everybody is fortunate enough to enjoy a little bit of the "best of both worlds" when they're being raised as a JW, but the fact that my JW parents remained so liberal and sociable with our "worldly" blood relatives is something I've always been grateful for.
Sure...they did this against a private backdrop of cultic thinking, which, whilst amongst their "worldly" relatives, they tried to keep to themselves for the most part....but as a child.....I just saw (and sensed) the tremendous difference between my "worldly" family and the cultic JW family I was being exposed to.
I guess the "moral" of this story (or reflection) is that JWs often remain quietly sentient whilst they're experiencing different relationships and influences and to never underestimate just how much they're really "absorbing" or "evaluating" even if they're currently coming across as being extremely rigid and unbending.
Many people often post here asking how they get their JW relative OUT of the cult?
One strategy is to give them something or "somebody" to make them WANT to come out, and whom, by comparison.....offers safety, normality and all the enticements of a sincere, none-judgemental relationship.
No...even this is no guarantee of course.....(as we know) ...but where there ARE certain JWs who might be responsive to this.....then THIS is what those JWs definitely need as a crucial building block towards a more rounded and balanced world-view.

The night dad died, I was alone in my apartment, sitting in darkness, and a verse from a Persian poem kept running through my mind:
من نمی‌دانستم معنی هرگز را، تو چرا باز نگشتی دیگر؟
which translates to, "I never knew the meaning of 'never.' Why did you not come back?"
I was trying to grasp what "never" truly means. I remember thinking that grief fractures your memories of a person into countless pieces: different images, sounds, small details: The sound of their laughter. an eyebrow gesture. The way they pronounced a certain word.
Each of these fragments whispers "nevermore."
He laughs at a silly joke. Never again. He parks his car in the driveway. Never again. I call him on Father's Day. Never again. He dances with my dog on his birthday. Never again. I call him at midnight, panicking that his cancer is spreading, just to hear his voice. Never again. He buys 50 packs of some kind of snack I mentioned I liked. Never again. He beats me in chess with a huge grin. Never again.
He sings the song I hate and laughs at my cringing. Never again
He greets me with a smile as I have brought his favorite flowers. Never again.
Never, never, never again.
friends come to me for advice on dealing with grief now.
they don't know that I almost called you the other day.
I haven't told them that I still don't understand what "never" means.
It has been a year without you, Baba. Every year from now will be another year without you. it's not you who has left us; we've been forced to leave you behind in time.
I need to understand that somehow. I'm trying.

TLDR: my bf has done a lot of horrible and cruel things to me, and when his suspicious girl best friend made a weird comment, i had enough. he tried to end his life, and im now completely stuck.
i feel so trapped in this relationship. like no matter what he does to me, i have to stay or i’ll have somebody’s blood on my hands.
my boyfriend of 1.5 years is emotionally abusive and narcissistic. also very manipulative.
he’s done so many things i don’t know if i should even get into, and blew his last chance after me giving him hundreds of “last chances” due to a lack of self respect.
he has these 2 girl best friends he’s always been weird around. (if u want more info, i’ve made posts about them before,)
recently when one was asked “if you could date anybody in this friend group who would you date?” she said “either (my bf’s name) or (other girl bsfs name)” INFRONT OF ME. i said “wait what?” and she looks me dead in the eyes and says it again.
i asked him about it , to which he starts screaming at me, getting aggressive, and attempting to text her.
i was upset. i just wanted to talk to him about something that made me uncomfortable without him getting her involved and yelling at me. i was trying to stay calm and communicate, but all he was really saying is “you don’t understand her! she didn’t mean it like that! you don’t know how her brain works! your just trying to start arguments!”
i got up and walked away. i was done with this conversation. while i’m walking away, the girl who said this and another friend comes over and asks where me and my bf where. i just tried to pull it off as noting. my bf walks over and starts to scream at me and the girl , saying “TELL HER YOU DONT LIKE ME!! TELL HER YOU DONT WANNA F*** ME! DONT U WANT ME SO BAD (girls name)?”
i was embarrassed. he blew his last chance by once again, not communicating. i broke up with him.
later that day, my dad found him walking 4 miles, with 5 more to come to a bridge known for people jumping to their deaths. a close family friend of ours, did this and it crushed my dad. and my bf knew this. he was going to jump because he “couldn’t see a life without me. “
i was hurt and asked him why. i was honestly being a bit selfish, but i was also angry. my dad had lost his best friend on thst same bridge, and all this was 2 days before my father’s birthday. it would’ve crushed him, and the fact he had to find my bf like this is even worse.
i understood where he was coming from though, but now i just feel trapped.
this was a few weeks ago, when asked about it today, he said he still sees nothing wrong with it. and will attempt again if i break up with him or attempt to leave this abusive relationship. i got back with him in fear of him taking his own life. the worst part is he walked 4 whole miles for this. and was willing to walk 5 more. he was serious. it wasn’t empty threats.
i’m basically expected to let him do whatever he wants to me, or he’ll end his life and it will be my fault.

TLDR: my bf has done a lot of horrible and cruel things to me, and when his suspicious girl best friend made a weird comment, i had enough. he tried to end his life, and im now completely stuck.
i feel so trapped in this relationship. like no matter what he does to me, i have to stay or i’ll have somebody’s blood on my hands.
my boyfriend of 1.5 years is emotionally abusive and narcissistic. also very manipulative.
he’s done so many things i don’t know if i should even get into, and blew his last chance after me giving him hundreds of “last chances” due to a lack of self respect.
he has these 2 girl best friends he’s always been weird around. (if u want more info, i’ve made posts about them before,)
recently when one was asked “if you could date anybody in this friend group who would you date?” she said “either (my bf’s name) or (other girl bsfs name)” INFRONT OF ME. i said “wait what?” and she looks me dead in the eyes and says it again.
i asked him about it , to which he starts screaming at me, getting aggressive, and attempting to text her.
i was upset. i just wanted to talk to him about something that made me uncomfortable without him getting her involved and yelling at me. i was trying to stay calm and communicate, but all he was really saying is “you don’t understand her! she didn’t mean it like that! you don’t know how her brain works! your just trying to start arguments!”
i got up and walked away. i was done with this conversation. while i’m walking away, the girl who said this and another friend comes over and asks where me and my bf where. i just tried to pull it off as noting. my bf walks over and starts to scream at me and the girl , saying “TELL HER YOU DONT LIKE ME!! TELL HER YOU DONT WANNA F*** ME! DONT U WANT ME SO BAD (girls name)?”
i was embarrassed. he blew his last chance by once again, not communicating. i broke up with him.
later that day, my dad found him walking 4 miles, with 5 more to come to a bridge known for people jumping to their deaths. a close family friend of ours, did this and it crushed my dad. and my bf knew this. he was going to jump because he “couldn’t see a life without me. “
i was hurt and asked him why. i was honestly being a bit selfish, but i was also angry. my dad had lost his best friend on thst same bridge, and all this was 2 days before my father’s birthday. it would’ve crushed him, and the fact he had to find my bf like this is even worse.
i understood where he was coming from though, but now i just feel trapped.
this was a few weeks ago, when asked about it today, he said he still sees nothing wrong with it. and will attempt again if i break up with him or attempt to leave this abusive relationship. i got back with him in fear of him taking his own life. the worst part is he walked 4 whole miles for this. and was willing to walk 5 more. he was serious. it wasn’t empty threats.
i’m basically expected to let him do whatever he wants to me, or he’ll end his life and it will be my fault.

Hello,
I said in a previous post that Anna did not like her life as a princess, and I am going to explain my reasoning why. Also, warning, I ended up also talking about how Anna and Kristoff match.
First, is because of the established world that Frozen is set in. Arendelle is meant to be taken very realistically. It makes itself out more like a real life kingdom, rather then a fairytale one. And because of this, the rules of being royal and what is expected of a princess or queen is very well established.
Royalty is meant to act perfect, and to be the leaders, whose main job is to host balls, look good, and sign documents. They are not allowed to show their flaws and they are not meant to mingle with common folk. Anna is none of these. She is clumsy and ungraceful, and does not eat properly, and she just wants to have fun with people. She does not know how to act with other people, especially when it comes to customs. She almost missed Elsa's coronation and did not even know where to stand when she was introduced.
A lot of people love Anna as the clumsy princess, but you need to understand, that in the world of Frozen, Anna is a laughing stock.
Then there is the deleted plotline of the Heir and the Spare, with the song "More then Just the Spare". Now this song and plotline was dropped, but the song has been stated by the creators to be what helped establish Anna's character, and they even perform it on tour, while the plotline might have been canceled, it is still very much shown in the movie just not fully delved into.
When it comes to the plotline the Heir and the Spare, it was all about how Elsa was the perfect heir, and Anna was the useless spare. This was all about how Arendelle viewed the two sisters, and how that view changed as they grew to understand them. Elsa was not the perfect heir as they perceived. She was scared and flawed, who also liked to play and did not want to always be perfect. She was human just like everyone else, and Arendelle realized this and embraced her in the end, excepting her even if she was not their ideal perfect queen. And as for Anna, they viewed her as the screw up princess and just ignored her. But at the end, they realized she was not useless, and was the one who saved them in the end, giving them a new found respect for her.
At the end of Frozen, Arendelle had loosened itself up when it came to their strict view of royalty. Elsa was more allowed to be herself and interact with her people more. however, just because Arendelle is no longer strict, does not mean that royalty is not still held to a high standard, and other kingdoms also have not changed, and Arendelle has obviously been shown to have relationships with many other kingdoms.
The thing is, Anna does not even try to act like a princess.
The shorts and film have never shown her really in a position of authority. The closest is when she runs after Elsa and leaves Hans in charge.
Now, Anna might have the education of royalty, but that does not mean she likes it or is even that good at it.
Anna has never been shown to like the life of a princess. She might like a few of its privileges, but not the costumes and other things.
For instance, Anna likes picnics and not tea parties. And she would rather ride her horse all day instead of talking with nobles. I also don't think she likes balls either. The fancy ones with nobility.
In Frozen 1, when Elsa is coronated, I already pointed out how Anna did not know how to act or even where to stand. The moment she started to hang out with Hans, she pulled him into doing a bunch of activities that had nothing to do with the ball, or even would be acceptable of royalty.
The only thing I can see Anna liking about balls is all the dancing. But like Kristoff, Anna would not like all the customs and fancy talk. She herself does not do any fancy talk. The difference from Kristoff though, is that Anna at least has been trained in the customs.
What Anna likes is actually festivals, because festivals involves the commoners and not the nobility. She wants to go out on the streets and help bake pies, or help catch a pig, and to set up all the ribbons, and then to run around all night trying food and dancing on the streets and having fun with her people and loved ones. Kristoff also has been shown to like festivals as well. At the beginning of Frozen 1 we see him happily celebrating Elsa's coronation with the rest of the citizens, and he enjoyed himself in FF and OFA.
I also will mention that FF and OFA, are both festivals, and not balls. They are parties that involve the people of Arendelle and not anything about the politics.
Anna is just not cut out for the royal life style, and she is so bad at it that she does not even try to act royal most of the time, but at the end of the day, she is still a princess. In "More then Just the Spare", Anna comments that she is the screw up princess and also says this "I am not part of the town, not born to be queen, just somebody hopelessly in between". Anna might be a hopeless princess, but she is still a princess, so she was not able to connect with her citizens either, because she was still royalty to them.
Here is also another sad thing. No one wanted to marry Anna either. Hans says that no one got anywhere with Elsa and that is why he approached Anna instead. This means that despite the isolation Elsa was still receiving marriage proposals, but not Anna. Anna was convinced that her only chance for love was on coronation day.
Someone mentioned that if Anna hated being a princess so much, why did she not leave when her parents died? Because she was only 15 and had been locked up all her life. The castle is all Anna knows, and she has run around doing what ever she wants in it for 13 years. Anna honestly can't think of a life outside of the castle, she just wants company. That is why she asks Hans if they will live in Arendelle, because she is scared to go anywhere else. Anna is shown to have been severely neglected growing up. Not celebrating her birthday, and not even having Christmas at all. Not to mention, as a 15 year old, where would she even go? Frozen never established aunts or uncles for her to live with, and even if she went to live with family they also would expect her to act like a proper lady. And if she gave up her life as a royal and became a commoner, then what? She would be on the streets with no home or job at 15.
This is one of the reasons why she ends up with Kristoff. If she married someone royal or noble, she once more would be expected to act right. To change who she is to fit in with the customs. But because she was royal, no commoner would ever dare approach her. But when it came to Kristoff, he did not care that she was royal. From the first moment they met, Kristoff treated her like any other person. He did not call her 'your highness" or anything like that, and he even made his own stance on things instead of just following her. She was a person to him, and not an untouchably princess.
Another person said that Kristoff got lucky in having Anna fall in love with him. Like the weird child somehow ending up with the pretty girl at school, and how Kristoff would do anything to stay with Anna. But the truth is, Anna is not the pretty girl. Frozen had established that she was in fact, undesirable. No one wanted her. Both Anna and Kristoff had not chance in romance with other people. Kristoff because he was raised by trolls, and Anna because she was a screw up princess.
Here is an interesting fact. I was told that the ending of Frozen 1 has Anna in a commoner dress to signal that she has in fact giving up her position in line to the throne in order to be with Kristoff. This is also why her OFA dress is also a commoner dress. Although, this idea obviously has been dropped, and Disney would want to keep calling her princess either way.
Now, to give more perspective in what I am trying to say, I will give a comparison to another amazing Disney animated film.
Mulan
In Mulan, Mulan grows up in an era that is very strict, especially with woman. Mulan is expected to be graceful and a perfect wife, who does not over step her bounds. But Mulan is none of those things. She is clumsy when it came to making tea and acting proper, and takes puts out her own thoughts instead of just agreeing. And this at the beginning of the film, is considered disgraceful. Mulan is ashamed that she failed to prove herself as a good future wife, and she has in fact brought dishonor to her family. She joins the army to save her father, but also to prove herself in a way. There she realizes that she also does not fit in as a man, and instead has to learn her own strengths in order to be a solder.
At the end, Mulan has new confidence in herself and goes home, and people even respect her for what she has done.
But here is the thing. The world Mulan lives in has not changed. Girls are still going to be raised to be wives, with mean being the ones to risk their lives at war, and Mulan herself will probably still be expected to become a proper wife as well, and she definitely has not suddenly become graceful or learned to stay silent. Mulan's story ends well because she ends up with Shang, who fell in love with her as a fellow solder, and not as a perfect wife, and because of that he would not want her to change into the ideal wife in his country, and he would treat her as an equal, because that was what she was in war.
This is very similar to Anna. Both Anna and Mulan were not fit in their positions in life and did not meet the expectations and standards as well in their countries. In the end, what mattered most to Mulan was her father's safety and brining honor to her family, while all Anna wanted was to unite with Elsa and protect her as well. And then both Anna and Mulan ends up with a guy that better matches their life style, so they are not forced to change to met societies expectations.
Now, does this mean Mulan disliked her life before she went to war?
No, she was just not cut out for it and she knew it. She had to find her own way in life that did not force her to follow societies standards.
The same can be applied to Anna. The castle is her home. She grew up in it and it is where her beloved sister lives. But just because she loves it, does not mean she belongs in it, and Anna knows this. This is why she chose Kristoff, instead of possibly finding another prince. The castle gates are open now. Anna has every opportunity to find anyone to marry now.
Now, what does this mean for Anna's relationship with Elsa?
Anna and Elsa are almost complete opposites. Elsa likes tea parties, Anna likes picnics. Elsa is graceful, Anna is clumsy. Elsa is royal, Anna is common.
The two of them love each other and learned to compromise. Elsa learned to loosen up and to have fun with Anna. While Anna does her best to support Elsa as queen.
Now, I have not read the comics and books that came after Frozen 1, so I do not know the full details of how Anna helps Elsa. I have read two comics though, which is "Restless Week", and the one where Elsa learns to dance. In both, Anna helps Elsa more from the shadows. She researches about a kingdom to help Elsa write a speech that she will say in front of diplomates, and she helps teach Elsa how to dance, so she can dance with visiting princes. These kinds of act of helping does not require Anna to be a princess at all.
Anna only ever wants to help, but she cannot help as a princess because she is awful at it. But right now, all Anna is able to do is help Elsa from behind. I think Anna would want an official position that she takes care of to help Elsa, instead of just being on stand by for when ever Elsa calls her for help. But what that job is and how it can help Elsa as queen, while still staying true to Anna's character, I do not know what it could be.
Now, when it comes to what I said in the Frozen 2 rewrite. With the idea of Anna being tempted to leave palace life when she finds out that Kristoff hates it.
The key word is "Tempted". Anna might not be fit as a princess, but at the end of the day, she still is one, and she would never abandon her people, and especially Elsa. Anna just needs to figure out what she can do. But like I said, I don't know what that is. But all Anna wants to do in life is help.
The ending idea of Anna being queen while rebuilding Arendelle, was not to say Anna is fit for royal life or would make a great queen. The ending idea is actually the hardest part of Anna's life. She lost her home and her sister, and now she has to act like a queen. But she forces herself to do it, because it is the right thing to do. She is not happy, and the only reason she keeps going is with the hope that Elsa will return. The same can be applied to Kristoff. Helping and staying with Anna even if he hates royal life, so that he can help her through this difficult time.
I did see one panel of a comic where Anna had apparently acted as queen in Elsa's place as Elsa was somewhere else. She comments that she managed to do it, but it is not her and she would never want to be queen.
And the ending of my rewrite also would help Anna find her place. Because Arendelle is destroyed, the kingdom has to be completely rebuilt, both in housing and in customs. They don't have the money to act like royalty right now. And of course, the integration of Northuldra, who are a wild people who are definitely not interested in proper manners and balls. So Arendelle has changed in some ways.
Anna and Elsa would represent both cultures. Elsa's queenliness representing Arendelle, and her magic being from Northuldra. While Anna is more like a Northuldra, but because she was queen for a while, gained respect from Arendelle.
Anna would work with the Northuldra and helping them with their life in Arendelle, with Kristoff helping her. And Elsa handles Arendelle. The two sisters work together and create a happy kingdom with all kinds of people and customs.
Although, I don't actually like this ending. I know I wrote it, but the truth is Frozen 2 was so bad that I don't really like anything inspired or similar to it.
So that is why I don't think Anna likes her life as a princess. She is simply not cut out for it and she knows it. In fact, in the deleted scene of Frozen 2, where Kristoff admits he dislikes his life in Arendelle, and started listing off all his dislikes, more then half of them I could see Anna disliking as well. Fancy dinner parties for one thing. Anna would definitely not use the right fork, or eat ungracefully, and she would absolutely be to chatty and just trying to have fun. Once again, not acting like a princess. Actually lets go ahead and go through the list.

1. Fancy shoes and regel jackets. Anna does like pretty dresses as long as her movement is not restricted, and she prefers flat shoes instead of high heals. But at the end of the day, she prefers to wear commoner clothing.
   
2. Don't like ceremonies or polite conversations. I don't think Anna dislikes ceremonies, although I can see her getting bored if it goes on to long. As for polite conversations, that is when you take the time to both listen and talk in a conversation, so no one is dominating the conversation and being the only one talking. Frozen already showed Kristoff doing this, so I feel like this is a retcon of his character.
   
3. Formal dinners. I already answered this one. Anna is definitely going to make a mistake.
   
4. Ballroom dancing. She absolutely loves to dance! I do wonder if Kristoff likes other dances though? Like village dancing and he just hates the uptight ballroom dancing.
   
5. Manners for the sake of manners. I don't really understand this one. Anna obviously has manners, but when it comes to her manners as a princess, she is lacking.
   
6. Big crowds. I don't think Anna has a problem like this. Although I would argue she likes to just be with her loved ones much more.
   
7. Rules of Order. Once again I am conflicted as I don't really understand what this is. Kristoff is a business man so he should already be using this, sort of. I think it is just at a to high level in the castle, and I would see Anna also struggling. Maybe, like I said, I don't exactly know what this is, and a quick search did not really help. The biggest problem is that we have never seen Anna in a political debate, so it is all just guessing.
   

Well, that is it.

Today is the birthday of a new Chinese learning method.
I call the method:

eh-cc-tp method for short, eh method, is fine. It is a funny lovely name. 

The goal:

People can start to write notes in a week! The notes can be understood by both Chinese and Japanese, possibly Korean and Vietnamese. They can read novels and poems in a month! Also, the same method should be used for native kids. They are wasting too much time. The saved time can be used for learning 3rd language, e.g. Japanese, Spanish, or Russian ☺️ 

I know you may say it is like selling snake oil.
But I cannot help it — I have a dream, and, I want to help.
Thanks to people’s suggestions, I researched below non-traditional approaches, ie, shortcuts.

Mandarin blueprint Hanzi hero Ninchanese Heisig 

I do not like them, except the last one: I really love Heisig!
The only thing I can complain about it is that it is not extreme enough.
Below are the doctrines of my extreme-heisig method🤪

Sound is not important at all. Writing is the core and the key. It is both the beginning and the end! Tones are even less important. In writing, the basic unit is the component. So, strokes are not important at all. Just draw them, it is an art, for God’s sake! There are only 300 - 500 components. So, we can use brute force to learn them. And they are easy to learn, because etymology is the natural and best mnemonics. But we do not want the free-association mnemonics. We just learn and use etymology. Because etymology is real, it is the truth. Truth and only truth can set us free! Only the true etymology can guarantee components happen in other places and therefore will repeat. Repetition enhances memory. Below leads to cc: Classical Chinese. Written Chinese (again, for Chinese, spoken language is not important at all) is an ancient language. It has a very stable, continuous, and verifiable history for about 3000 years. Nothing in the world can come even close! So, most western linguists can just shut up! But we love professors like Heisig! Written Chinese is also a very young language: modern written Chinese started mostly from post-ww2. Before that, it was Classical Chinese. That classical Chinese is more important than modern Chinese is that it is easier, and, it is more respected. So, just like “written Chinese is the beginning and the end”, Classical Chinese is the beginning and the end! So, to learn Chinese, you should start with learning Classical Chinese! An important note: I assume that you are an adult; that you prefer thinking systematically, rationally; that you learn Chinese to complete yourself, not to finish other’s tasks. If you are young, and in a hurry to learn conversations, this method is ALSO for you: just remember the “beginning and the end”, and, just remember parallelism. Why do we say Classical Chinese is much simpler? Classical Chinese’s “words” are one syllable per word, ie, one character per word. Classical Chinese’s grammar is super flexible and super simple: it has almost no rule! You just put characters together, intuitively as a machine would do. Yes, a machine, a simple-minded robot! As a result, to learn Classical Chinese and begin to be able to use it, is just to remember 3000 characters. Those characters are composed by about 300 components. Now, you tell me, how difficult can that be？！ Below is the last link of the chain, tp: toki pona Modern experimentation of constructed languages shows that only 130 concepts (ie words or characters) should be enough. So, we can start with 130 characters and start to use Classical Chinese. We do not need rote memorization. Because of modern informatics, in recent years, we now have a clear and solid category system to organize those 130 concepts ie characters, and, 300 components, and, 3000 characters.