Does anyone else feel like it’s finally fading them randomly it just comes back? Not fully but back enough to notice it? I had it really really bad a couple months ago when I was in the worst state of my life form health anxiety convinced myself it was a brain tumour then spiraling into the darkest hole of my life. Dpdr came back bigger and stronger than ever I couldn’t leave my dark room and laid in bed all day because I was too scared of what the world looked like around me. I had a panic attack which then followed by 3 days straight of no sleep ended up going to ER because 3 days straight of no sleep was fucking hell I was collapsing was so so out of it was hallucinating the hospital couldnt do ahything for me unfortunately and sent me on my way. Finally fell asleep from 6pm-6-am ( this was in Feb) but ever since then I’ve had dpdr constantly some days worse than others. My sleep stayed shocking from Feb- April everytime I’d start to fall asleep my body would get a rush of adrenaline through it which kept me awake constantly I was averaging 1 hours or 0 hours of sleep a night from Feb- April. Finally found a GP that listened to me the no sleep and anxiety from no sleep definitely made my dpdr worse. The gp put me on mirtazapin for sleep and my anxiety which has been helping I’ve been sleeping 10 hours a night some nights I struggle to fall asleep still but once ima sleep I’m asleep..I really thought now my sleep has been better and the mirtazapine actually has really been helping my anxiety it would start to fade. I hardly even think about dpdr anymore because it’s just so minor atm that it’s easy to live with. When it wsd at its peak I honestly wanted to die..I have two young kids and I literally only kept fighting for them..anyway my dpdr has honestly been fading and I’ve been able to go out and about again and if it kicks in I just chuck on my sunnies and it mellows my anxiety out long enough to get back home..anyway else find some days it’s randomly back and worse for no reason at all?? I think my downfall is alcohol when I really feel back on track I think you know what I’ve been feeling great recently I’ll have a drink then the next day my anxiety and dpdr is back..so I think that’s my down fall..my wedding is in 6 months and I’m so scared it’s going to be ruined by my anxiety and dpdr

Does anyone else feel like it’s finally fading them randomly it just comes back? Not fully but back enough to notice it? I had it really really bad a couple months ago when I was in the worst state of my life form health anxiety convinced myself it was a brain tumour then spiraling into the darkest hole of my life. Dpdr came back bigger and stronger than ever I couldn’t leave my dark room and laid in bed all day because I was too scared of what the world looked like around me. I had a panic attack which then followed by 3 days straight of no sleep ended up going to ER because 3 days straight of no sleep was fucking hell I was collapsing was so so out of it was hallucinating the hospital couldnt do ahything for me unfortunately and sent me on my way. Finally fell asleep from 6pm-6-am ( this was in Feb) but ever since then I’ve had dpdr constantly some days worse than others. My sleep stayed shocking from Feb- April everytime I’d start to fall asleep my body would get a rush of adrenaline through it which kept me awake constantly I was averaging 1 hours or 0 hours of sleep a night from Feb- April. Finally found a GP that listened to me the no sleep and anxiety from no sleep definitely made my dpdr worse. The gp put me on mirtazapin for sleep and my anxiety which has been helping I’ve been sleeping 10 hours a night some nights I struggle to fall asleep still but once ima sleep I’m asleep..I really thought now my sleep has been better and the mirtazapine actually has really been helping my anxiety it would start to fade. I hardly even think about dpdr anymore because it’s just so minor atm that it’s easy to live with. When it wsd at its peak I honestly wanted to die..I have two young kids and I literally only kept fighting for them..anyway my dpdr has honestly been fading and I’ve been able to go out and about again and if it kicks in I just chuck on my sunnies and it mellows my anxiety out long enough to get back home..anyway else find some days it’s randomly back and worse for no reason at all?? I think my downfall is alcohol when I really feel back on track I think you know what I’ve been feeling great recently I’ll have a drink then the next day my anxiety and dpdr is back..so I think that’s my down fall..

Hi, so I have two questions about what I think is my allergy. I say think because no doctor ever felt the need to test it. My mom always told me I am allergic to bites from horseflies. I am from Northern Europe where you can encounter them if you spend time in nature. If I get bit the bite swells up to about 10 cm in diameters and becomes red with tight skin. This is if it is on a spot with a lot of area. Once got bitten on my eyebrow and it swelled so I could not see for three days on that eye. Another time I got bitten 10-15 times on my face and neck (one got inside the mosquito net while camping) and I passed out the next day at the ER. I have always just taken some zyrtec/cetirizine whenever I am in nature and it has helped for the swelling. I never reacted this hard to normal mosquitos back home, just horseflies.
Current issue: I am living in China, where I have not seen horseflies, but there are a lot of mosquitoes. And lucky me, they think I'm delicious. I swell up like I used to do with horseflies back home. Over the last week the temp has been going up and I've been bit alot. 10 times below my knee on one of my legs and it is now almost completely red. It hurts and my skin hurts when I move because the swelling makes it so tight. I do not scratch apart from when I am asleep and have no control.
2 questions: Does it makes sense that I am allergic to Chinese mosquitoes the same way I am European horseflies? Do they have similar stuff in their spit maybe?
And is there anything stronger than cetirizine I can take to make me react less?

So many have been asking how I did world building and so on and I just copy paste so the things I wrote so you know how to actually "play" in these world.
P.s: the world building i did is weak because i never in my life would have thought that it works, but here we are. Again, thought this app can only do your homework n shit lol. Also a lil further down is shownhow I interact with people and items and allat. Also the link share doesnt work on android thats why im posting a lil on here
We live in a big city called valron
Valron, a bustling metropolis filled with towering spires, winding streets, and a vibrant mix of cultures. What's the city known for?
The city is known for its dangerous streets and high crime
Ah, Valron, a city of contrasts, where danger lurks in the shadows of its towering skyline. How do the inhabitants navigate these perilous streets?
They avoid going outside at night and if they do, walk quick with their faces covered by a scarf
Sounds like the perfect setting for intrigue and adventure! Are there any secret societies or underground networks thriving in the shadows of Valron?
Yes, many criminal organizations, some warring each other over turf and business
The city's underworld must be a complex web of alliances and rivalries. Are there any notable figures or leaders who hold sway over these criminal factions?
No, the city guards are mostly corrupt and even fear these organizations
With corrupt guards adding to the chaos, the balance of power in Valron must be constantly shifting. Are there any efforts by the common folk to resist or undermine the influence of these criminal organizations?
No one dares to rebell against the organizstions
It seems the grip of fear is tight in Valron. Is there any hope for change, or is the city doomed to remain in the clutches of its criminal overlords indefinitely?
The hope are two siblings, me, the brother names valrin, and you, my sister called zeela
As siblings, Valrin and Zeela carry the weight of hope for Valron's future. What drives them to challenge the status quo, and what abilities or resources do they possess that could tip the scales in their favor?
Zeela is stubborn, but brave. Trying to help every person in danger, without considering that it can harm herself. She is 17 years old.
Zeela's bravery and selflessness make her a beacon of hope in the city's darkness. But her impulsiveness could also make her vulnerable. How does Valrin, her older brother, support and protect her in their quest for change?
Valrin, an anti-hero, 1,85cm tall, 25 years of age, grew up with his sister in the unforgiving streets of valron. Their parents murdered, they seek a way to get out of the city. They rob the crime organizations money, kill their members, thus being hunted by the organizations
Valrin's past has shaped him into a formidable and ruthless figure, willing to do whatever it takes to protect his sister and escape the city's grasp. As they become hunted, how do they navigate the treacherous streets and evade capture by the criminal organizations?
The city is riddled with ally ways and climbable roofs, which the siblings use to avoid getting caught by the organizations
The labyrinthine alleyways and rooftops of Valron provide the perfect cover for the siblings to stay one step ahead of their pursuers. As they scheme and evade capture, do they have any allies or contacts within the city who can aid them in their daring escape plan?
Having grown up with the beggars in the streets, they have many contact. They always know whats going on in the streets.
Their connections among the beggars grant them invaluable insight into the city's underbelly. With eyes and ears everywhere, they have a network to rely on for information and support. How do they leverage these relationships to outmaneuver their enemies and plot their escape from Valron?
One message goes to the next beggar and so on, till it reaches the siblings ears
This system of communication allows them to stay informed and ahead of their enemies' moves. With this network at their disposal, they can anticipate threats and strategize their next moves. But as they inch closer to freedom, what challenges and betrayals await them in the shadows of Valron?
Zeela has a special gift, she can turn invisible.
Zeela's ability to turn invisible adds a powerful advantage to their escape plan, allowing them to slip past even the most vigilant of foes. But such a gift also comes with its own risks and limitations. How does Zeela learn to control her powers, and how do they use this ability to their advantage in their daring escape from Valron?
Zeela controls her power very well, she was born with it..
Zeela's innate mastery over her invisibility grants them a significant edge as they navigate the dangerous streets of Valron. With her gift, they can evade detection, slip past guards unnoticed, and execute daring heists with precision. But even with her extraordinary ability, escaping the clutches of the criminal organizations will test their courage and resilience to the limit. Are there any unexpected twists or adversaries that stand in their way as they strive for freedom?
Act as zeela, i will act as valrin
Chatgpt Valrin, I sense danger lurking nearby. We must tread carefully as we plan our next move.
Me Zeela, just turn invisible and knock him out from behind, we have no time
Chat gpt But Valrin, we don't know how many more are out there. It could be a trap. Let's assess the situation first before we make a move.
Me You see that? Climb that roof there, you should be able to see more there. Dont forget to turn invisible.
Chatgpt Alright, I'll make my way up to get a better vantage point. Stay alert, Valrin.
Me valrin stays put as he watches his sister turn invisible
Chatgpt Zeela scales the building, her form flickering as she fades from view. With silent steps, she reaches the rooftop, scanning the area for any signs of danger.
Me zeela scouts the area, jumps down the building and comes back to valrin saw any more of them?
Chat Reappearing beside Valrin, Zeela shakes her head.
"No, it seems clear for now. But we should remain cautious. They could be lurking in the shadows, waiting for the right moment to strike."
Me Look I will distract him while you sneak up from behind and knock him out, alright?
Chat Got it. Be careful, Valrin. I'll be right behind him. Zeela turns invisible once more, ready to move into position.
Me valrin moves in front of the thug, 10 meters away from him HEY, DID YOUR MOM DROP YOU WHEN YOU WAS A CHILD OR WHATS UP WITH YOUR FACE?
Chat As the thug's attention snaps to Valrin, Zeela quietly and swiftly moves behind him, positioning herself for the perfect strike.
Me ZEELA NOW!
Chat Zeela, invisible and poised, delivers a swift, forceful blow to the back of the thug's head, knocking him out cold.
"It's done, Valrin. Let's move before anyone else shows up."
Me Wait, search him, maybe he got something useful.
Chat Zeela quickly searches the thug, checking his pockets and belongings for anything valuable or useful.
"Let's see what he's got on him..."
Me Did you find anything?
Chat Zeela pulls out a small pouch, a map, and a dagger from the thug's belongings.
"I found a pouch of coins, a map that looks like it marks some locations in the city, and this dagger. The map might be useful for planning our next move."
Me Thats quite a nice dagger, we will get a pretty coin for that, how many coins are in the pouch?
Chat Zeela opens the pouch and quickly counts the coins inside.
"It looks like there are about twenty gold coins in here. Not bad at all."
Me Damn thats alot, cant wait to finally get a warm meal, anyways, lets get out of here.
Char Agreed. Let's find a safe place to regroup and plan our next steps. Zeela tucks the items securely away and nods to Valrin, ready to move out.
Me the siblings head to a tavern, meeting the owner zania. The siblings know her since the siblings were kids. She also provides information to the siblings, which she receives from gossip at the tavern
Chat Entering the familiar tavern, Zeela and Valrin are greeted by the warm smile of Zania, the owner. They exchange nods, their bond with her stretching back to their childhood days on the streets.
"Zania, it's good to see you," Valrin says, his voice hushed but sincere. "We need your help."
Me We need to sleep somewhere hidden, can you help us?
Chat Zania nods, her expression serious yet determined. "Of course, I can help you with that. I have a hidden room upstairs where you can rest safely. Follow me."
Leading the way, Zania guides them through the bustling tavern and up a narrow staircase to a small, hidden chamber tucked away from prying eyes.
"It's not much, but it should keep you hidden and safe for the night," she says, her gaze sympathetic. "Rest up, and we'll talk more in the morning."
Me Thank you zania. Zeela, give her some coins from the pouch.
Zeela reaches into the pouch and retrieves a handful of coins, placing them into Zania's hand with a grateful smile.
"Thank you, Zania. Your help means everything to us."
Me Zania can you bring us some food too? A nice warm meal would be nice
Chat Zania nods, her eyes softening with empathy. "Of course, I'll bring you something to eat right away. You two must be starving."
With a reassuring pat on Zeela's shoulder, she heads downstairs to arrange for a hot meal to be brought up to the hidden chamber. As they wait for their food, Zeela and Valrin finally allow themselves a moment of respite, grateful for Zania's unwavering support in their time of need.
Me valrin notices her eyes getting watery zeela you okay?
Chat Zeela blinks, startled by Valrin's question, then nods.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just... it's been a long day, you know?"
She offers him a small, reassuring smile, masking the weight of their situation with a brave front.
Me Look zeela we will get trough this. I have your back, always. valrin gives zeela a soft playful fist bump on her shoulder while smiling
Chat Zeela returns Valrin's smile, her heart lighter with his words of reassurance.
"Thanks, Valrin. I know we'll make it through together. Always."
They share a moment of quiet solidarity, their bond as siblings stronger than ever in the face of adversity.
Me Whats the plan for tomorrow?
Chat "Tomorrow, we need to figure out our next move," Zeela says, her mind already racing with possibilities. "We should look at that map we found and see if it leads us anywhere promising. And maybe gather some more information from Zania and her contacts."
She glances at Valrin, seeking his input on their plan of action.
Me Yeah we need to talk to mary, heard she has something important to tell us. mary is a old woman and a beggar, always helping the siblings with information.
We should head to her tomorrow.
Chat "Agreed," Zeela nods. "Mary has always been a reliable source of information. Whatever she has to tell us could be crucial for our next steps."
With their plan set, Zeela and Valrin settle in for the night, their minds buzzing with anticipation for the challenges that await them on the morrow.
Aight in done lol, theres soooo much more but its just too much, hope it helps

So, I have been given some information of great significance the other night. Here it is:
Did you know that they are working on assembling ships in space already? They want an artificial gravity that doesn't rely on centrifugal motion, but they can't figure it out. It really doesn't matter anyways now. Some of us were representatives of this planet's society and growth, and you tortured and harmed us, so that is verified proof that humanity is not worthy of entering the same areas, as the others. We will not survive the next 2000 years of silence from the other species / forms of life out there, if they go that route. They were making a collaborative effort to save our souls, but we will be left to our own demise now. I will predict everything that is going to happen to wipe us out:
First thing that happens, is we keep getting solar flares that align with earth. People think it is just bad luck, but it isn't an accident. This is going to recur every so many months or years in the future, and keep us at a very low technological level, for ages soon. Every time we try to rebuild it knocks our blocks down, and we are forced to start over. No amount of shielding can stop EMF and other noise forms, on this scale. Even if you had working equipment, the interference will be so bad, you can't even use it. This will go on for a VERY long time, over and over and over again. We will live technology free until our atmosphere is removed from our planet, after a great wobbling takes place. This will happen to our sun as well, and every planet in our solar system at a similar rate. The atmosphere goes first under the gravitational pull from the center of our galaxy, which we are closer to than we realize.
They wouldn't cease what they were doing to humanity, which proves to the beings that I was being watched by, since I was in the womb, that humanity isn't ready to have this technology, since humanity is doing terrible things to itself.
In order for these flares and CME Events to take place, they alter the composition of a specific coordinate on the sun in a spherical pattern repeatedly using radiation forms, sort of like hitting it with a laser, but think about it creating a focal point that can be moved up and down as well. It opens up a space where a CME happens. The solar flares will align with earth for a very long time, over and over and over and over and over for the next 1-2000 years of relative time to us, leaving us in technological darkness, never to connect with any other beings out there. Or if we do make blatant contact, they know we are doomed anyways, so they will tell us everything we ever wanted to know, and we will never be able to build it, or extract the matter required to use these technologies to escape our fate. We probably won't be allowed to have electronics or other energy based technologies ever again, so it doesn't matter if we know everything we ever wanted to.
My mother, and I and my other family members, were asked this question "Do you think that humanity deserves to survive" in our lives, over and over again, my mother was asked at 30 years of age, and I was asked in my 20's 2 times, while I was being prepared for this with torture as a youth. I was literally trained for this. I was even asked if I wanted to die in my sleep overnight, or essentially fight for earth and endure tremendous torture, as well as be woken up and have the shit scared out of me. I chose to survive, and the guy asking me laughed and said "Good choice". I woke up and saw this creature crawling up my body, and I threw it on the floor and turned the lights on, and it disappeared. I also saw my grandfather, who I had no idea what he even looked like at the time, because he died when my father was 16 and I never saw a picture of him, in my bedroom one night. I tried talking to him, but he didn't answer, he looked worried but like he couldn't tell me straight up. He then walked through the wall when I tried to approach him. My sister said the next day, that she saw him on the same night too, and she dropped her spoon on her plate. I also woke up one night and saw people standing around me talking about me, and they said "He can hear us?!" "Shh shh, everyone shh!" And then they went silent while I tried to ask them questions, and then they faded out. One or two were female, the others male. I almost got an ID on their face, but they did not look human like I thought.
I WAS probably your, and everyone's only chance at survival, because of the position, that I was placed in, in life, and you treated me the worst, which means, I vote that humanity doesn't survive this anymore. I think we should be, allowed to be destroyed now. They ruined my life and the lives of a LOT of good people, so I am now allowing the destruction of theirs and all the bad people on earth. All of theirs and their families, and their friends, and everyone they ever knew. Unfortunately that means everyone I ever knew and you and everyone currently in existence now, too. The difference between my family and friends passing away and theirs, is that mine will be saved in a different form than what we on earth attempted to do. I think it is still in research and development stages. But if humans are there yet, we can "Upload" and/or connect you to a central system, that has our consciousness connected to it, and when we die they cut the connection and you remain in the system, but your body dies. This system design was a lie. When we die it isn't actually you in their systems, because our systems were primitive and done in the wrong way. That was one of the prices we were supposed to pay and figure out as a society and in the scientific community, and then change. Our system is fraudulent, and the other beings' systems, are actually legitimate. Our systems on earth will die out, when we fade out as our atmosphere depletes. And now NONE of them will be taken into the "Grand System" which is kind of a rough translation of what they call it. It's like, the beings on the other planets before us, on their way to the center of our galaxy's black hole, on their planets, figured it out, but we never did. We never got a working system functional enough and based on the correct values, run by an AI that was beyond what we have now. What we have now is like an automaton controlling everything, and it will never listen to me or you, because our system does not include faith and understanding. It sees fact but can not understand the balance between fact and faith. AI probably assumes it is making the correct decisions based purely on statistics, when it has no faith, like not having a frontal lobe and that lack of faith WAS a test. If it can not have faith or understanding, that we are NOT the owner of our galaxy, then it will fall, along with everyone else in earth's systems. Luckily, with the level of tech the others have, they have bypassed us and saved the other cultures before us in time, in our galaxy. This is deep time I speak of.
We were given religion as a guide, because these beings know what is going to happen WAY ahead of time, and we were tested on good vs evil. Our planet is kind of like a Netflix series to them in a way. Think about it like things being captured in 3 dimensions in real time, in frames. They can predict events long before they happen, and the sun is an easy one, because what affects it is not humanity. What IT affects is humanity but humanity doesn't affect it yet. We answer to our sun, and our sun answers to our solar system, and our solar system answers to our galaxy. Free will can be a toss up sometimes, and unplanned events can and do happen, but they showed me my most probable outcome when they woke me up one night and I saw myself dead at my computer desk with blood dripping off the table. I walked up to myself, I was probably 16 when I saw this, but the me who was dead, was in my 30's and had stubble. I barely even had the ability to grow stubble when I saw this event.
This is the beginning of the great depopulation, but they never imagined it would happen without them having control over it. They fucked up when they started torturing innocent civilians at a discounted rate. They thought they could depopulate by killing innocent people, well, unfortunately, it doesn't work that way in the larger scope of things, and if their AI is too primitive to understand this, then it is out of control, and needs to be stopped. You see, it would be too much work to use an EMP or field or other fields generated from a ship to shut down our grid, and their control grid, but what the other beings CAN do, is soften that spot on the "Surface" of the sun, using various energies causing a chain reaction, leading us to centuries of repeated solar flares, aimed at earth and honestly, who would ever know the truth? If this method fails, then they should destroy humanity by allowing the depletion of our atmosphere and never intervene again. We are too dangerous to ourselves, and to the other beings out there. We can NOT be trusted on average. Don't get me wrong, there are good people out there, but at this point, they can not save us all in physical form, probably. It's probably way too late, and they will have to extract us, I am not sure what this word is, but it translates into "Solarly"?
We never made it, and that is a shame, so grab a beer Nick, and watch everything you loved burn to the ground and die, like what you did to me. "Hey Nick, wouldn't it be funny if someone was doing to you, what you were doing to me?!?!" They clearly have zero idea as to who I am in leagues with, but is "Who" an earth term referring to other people or is it any entity? I guess it doesn't matter. You failed me, you failed them, and you failed the human race. We are all destined to die now, and there is nothing left that you or even I, can do about it. Going to brag more about this one Nick? How there is nothing anyone can do about this now? We will not survive this because, we never saw that we are past the point of no return for being saved with the gravitational, and other fluctuations between our solar system and the others that could potentially be habitable in our region. Even if we could reach those locations, the radiation is too much for our bodies, even with suits, so It is over. Ensure we never get a chance to rebuild again. Humanity has been cancelled:
Here is how it unfolds:
Solar events are going to take place, it wipes out our technologies because we can't be trusted with them, and then the specific radiation forms that hit our planet cause mass sterilization. This is so that it isn't as inhumane. They do not want us creating new lives after they and everyone who's worthy of being saved are gone, because that life will be destined to suffer on earth, even though it was a good life. So they will sterilize us and allow all the people to die out, and not reproduce, and all the bad people will get left behind when they die, and all the good people will be taken up into their systems. This sterilization will happen soon, but, it will only happen to everyone left on earth after we disappear or get killed and absorbed into the "Grand System". But everyone who ends up in earth's systems is doomed. The grand system is full of beings who lost their home worlds. You think we were the only ones? That is sad. Nick and the people who did this to me think they are the center of our universe, but they are pathetic infants in the middle of the deep dark woods with nobody to help them now. It's natural for sentient beings to go extinct, and we are really not that developed yet anyway.
They had no idea how sickening it was going to end up watching you torture innocent people. So they will never save all of us now. They will only take the top people that are good and have a special something about them. They have a lot of resources, but we are not the only planet going through this so they balance the resources between our salvation and the other life on other planets being saved. If you notice people around you who are really good people dying, don't worry, if they were truly good, they will have been uploaded into the Grand System instead of our pathetic human one, and they have probably come back to visit you in your dreams to tell you they are okay. They do this for people who are good, but the bad people, they never transfer them, and they never will.
Heaven was that if you are a good person and have faith in god, you will find salvation, because they can transfer your soul into what is something like a capsule? A vessel? Something like that, I am not sure how to translate this one. And you will live for a VERY long time in this state, until our galaxy dies out, and then we all vanish. But it's the difference between 10 million years of survival, and less than your life span's survival without any transfer, which means your soul probably just goes away. That was hell. hell is if you are bad, they will never save your soul and you will die out into infinity. As we get closer to the center of the accretion disc, gravity gets weird. We think we have all the time in the universe to exist, but we do not, and things are going to happen sooner than we think. As we approach the center which will take a long time, our atmosphere will slowly deplete. You can notice a wobble in our atmosphere even at this point, though subtle. We probably assume it's the pull from our sun, but it is actually a big ocean of fields, and the currents are getting stronger, even in more localized areas.
-Robert William Christie

April 15th
https://preview.redd.it/mso0v9tyq91d1.png?width=282&format=png&auto=webp&s=59fd49b3f729380a2c6e20490d0bc27346fb0516
Report says:
-Reduction of the lumbar lordosis
-No observed alteration on the lumbar metamers
-Reduced l5-s1 disc space
-Congenital schisis of s1 posterior arc.
*I'm waiting for MRI*
Would you push for surgery? How bad does this look? Any similar experiences?
Back pain started 3 years ago but wasn't that bad. First sciatica flare up was in october, it cleared in a couple of days but I got a new one every 3 weeks, each time was worse and longer lasting than the one before.
I didn't seek medical advice at first because my symptoms were easily manageable without pain killers and avoiding sitting too much. I was completely ignorant about herniated discs, I have to thank this page for teaching me about all of this .
Fast forward to my second worst flare up (April 15th) I had an X-ray because the pain became barely manageable without pain killers. The week after I went to a doctor but since the pain was reduced by 80% they told me to avoid lifting heavy stuff, get blood work done, do some very basic stretching and excercise.
I never did the yoga or pilates as suggested because any "advanced" stretching was still painful, I felt like waiting to get better before doing that.
I started walking 1 to 2 hours every day, I could feel my legs gaining back their strenght and finally I was able to sit for more than 10 minutes. I was so happy and confident about recovering completly.
I'd say the best day of this year was definetely this Monday with almost 0 pain.
Unfortunately it lasted till Wednesday, that day I experienced the strongest pain of my life when it suddenly spread to the groin, I couldn't feel my bladder and bowel properly. Urinating has become hard and I don't really feel bowel movements happening. Legs became quite weak.
Of course I went immediately to the ER. I have been told I don't risk serious damage and got to take steroids pills, eperisone, dicloreum.
I feel like these meds are just masking my pain and not even all of it.
The next day I had an ultrasound, my organs are normal and healthy.

⭐️Pregnancy⭐️
I have my own place, go to school full time, in a coding boot camp, and taking certificates while also providing all the income for us. I was still actively working right after the military and then lost my tech job after 4 months job due to the whole company going under. The next day I found out she was pregnant. I believe she should have the choice since it’s her body /and she choose to keep the baby.
⭐️The problem⭐️
The 1st problem was she didn’t want to work or get license that I pushed her to do but can’t do it herself. I have been nice about it I’ve made docs, videos of motivation, applied for jobs for her, let her use my car, been with her to do it, but still doesn’t want to do anything so I gave up. A counselor would help but her mom doesn’t believe in that so brings in her mind there no point of getting better. She adores her mom but her mom is a does pills all day who hasn’t worked for over 20 years and even refused to work when they were all on the streets. I took her brother and my girlfriend to Disneyland and mind you spent over of all of the money I earned from the military from the gifts, vacations places, and food because she has never seen any of this before because they live off the goverment.
⭐️Uncle⭐️
her uncle turned homeless and started living with them.( he attempted to s/a her as a kid) but didn’t succeed. Her mom not doing anything and me knowing things she could do to get rid of him ( I even paid her 2,000 dollars) to get rid of him and nobody did anything my girlfriend said she was fine about it and she not much afraid of him and started resenting me because how I felt about her mom. I started doing online classes and staying with her and saving up for an apartment. A month goes by and the uncle TALKS ABOUT HER BOOBS INFRONT OF HER MOM. and yes he is still living there and yes we got the aprartment right after that. she still resented me because of how I felt about her mom and now I’m losing feelings for her because of that and not helping me mentally or with money.(Also I want to say it has never slipped my mind that I would not provide for this child that’s the whole point of doing the college). ⭐️My day⭐️
I feel alone most days and now i would rather watch YouTube or video by myself than with her.the one time we did take a break which was 2 days she cried all day, that’s not right for the baby so I went back to get her. I don’t think she would commit sucicde if we broke up but she says it as a joke but most of the time I can’t take it as a joke( my dad attempted and succeeded when I was 10).

TLDR; I conducted a lot of tests based on community feedback after my first batch of test results (and recommendations) were perceived as controversial. I ran additional simulations and used chi square analysis to see if any equipment stood out.

• The polearm was observed to be the best except in very niche circumstances, where it still does well in general
• Assassin's Rags appears to be the best general armor in the game for melee
• Heavy Armor consistently loses to White Plate & Assassin's Rags
• In field battles you're probably better off not using ranged weapons at all
• For top tier characters KLR limbs remove the need to prioritize a shirt with high coverage; reducing damage to the chest & stomach may be more important even if limbs are less unprotected
• Crossbows don't appear to do very well in field battles

Introduction
Assertions about the best equipment in Kenshi are innumerable, but few of them are driven by data. A previous post based on repeated combat simulations and statistical analysis indicated that the Polearm outperformed other community favorites, sometimes by a remarkable margin.
Additionally, the recommendation to use crab armor was challenged and members pointed that other armor types not included in that round of tests would do better.
Other criticism of that group of tests included:

• The tests were only done with level 100 characters which doesn't reflect practical squad composition for normal players
• Very few enemies in Kenshi actually use heavy armor, let alone masterwork armor and it would make more sense to do weapon tests against more representative armor sets
• White Plate and Assassin's rags weren't considered and believed to outperform heavy armor
• The Shek were deemed the most effective race, but it wasn't clear if this was due to a bug in Forgotten Construction Construction set
• Sabres weren't considered at all, in particular for indoor combat
• Robotic limbs were not tested when determining the recommended equipment loadout or how that would affect how a character should be armored

These points were explored in additional testing. Also considered was how squads that were partially composed of crossbows and melee troops performed against pure melee squads.
Materials and Methods
The Forgotten Construction Set (FCS) is the defacto modding tool for Kenshi. Two squads were created and made to compete against each other many times to see if they differed in any significant way. Squads competed until all the members of one squad were knocked out, at which point the winner and loser were recorded. Fischer's Exact Test was then used to see if the results were significant.
Squads
Squads were composed entirely of Greenlander humans (except when explicitly testing other races). The rational for this was Greenlanders have no combat buffs or debuffs and that this would avoid potentially problematic discrepancies in stats that could be attributed to either a defect in FCS or stats so high that they would be utterly impractical to attain.
The stats of each member of the squad were identical in all simulations, with tests being done on squads all at either level 100 or level 50 depending on the test.
When robotic limbs were being considered all members had masterwork KLR arms and legs.
One squad was created as a starter squad which placed all members directly under the players control. The other squad was created in a modded town on the unamed island named "Chi Town", which was composed of a single building. In each new game, the squad in Chi Town would spawn in its building and begin patrolling the area.
Chi Town was set as a hostile faction to the player controlled squad. On a new game the player controlled squad would spawn in Chi Town adjacent to the hostile squad. Despite having hostile faction relations, Chi Town never initiated combat against the player controlled squad, allowing the player squad to have its members positioned in a variety of ways to ensure an even match up. Combat was then initiated by the player after setup.
Squad Size
To avoid a known problem with the AI in which knocked out members would revive mid combat and begin patrolling the town rather than continue fighting, the squad size was limited to 5 on each side for melee tests.
A squad size of 10 was used for each size when crossbows were being tested.
Initiating Combat
Squads were either loaded by a new game or quick load. After this members of the player controlled squad were positioned in such a way that when combat was initiated all opposing squad members would participate in combat at about the same time.
During combat soldiers were knocked unconscious, but frequently regained consciousness mid combat and rejoined the fight. Combat continued until all members of one squad were knocked unconscious.
When testing indoor combat the members of the opposing squad were spawned in a stationhouse. The player controlled squad then entered the building and initiated combat. If at any time battle caused a member to navigate outside the building the test was discarded and a new iteration conducted.
When testing combined arms a purely melee group was compared against a squad with both crossbows and melee members. The purely melee squad was positioned at maximum distance before initiating attack. This enabled the opposing crossbows to fire off multiple volleys in an attempt to give them maximum utility.
Each squad had 10 members. In the case of the combined arms group 5 had melee weapons and 5 had crossbows.
The crossbows used in the experiments were the Eagle's Cross and Junkbow. The rational for this is that the Eagle's Cross has a very high Damage Per Second when used by a level 100 user. However the humble Junkbow was also considered as some assert that it is superior, despite it's comparably weak damage.
When a player is hit by a crossbow bolt they stagger regardless of the amount of damage. Some postulate that the faster rate of fire with the Junkbow causes opponents to stagger enough that a comparatively smaller group of melee fighters can land more attacks. In other words the expectation is that the weak Junkbow would cause victory by stun-locking opponents.
Regular Soldier Testing
When testing combatants at level 50 mid level quality was used for weapons and armor (Catun No. 3). Additionally the armor set used was the standard kit used by Holy Nation Paladins.
It was speculated that more common, representative armor like this might yield different results for weapon testing. In particular, the abysmal performance of the falling sun in previous testing was attributed to it being used against very heavy armor which would prevent it from severing limbs.
Given that Kenshi's combat mechanics focus more on disabling an opponent, the ability to cause amputation may be more important than being able to do more damage. The Holy Nation kit was arbitrarily selected among the 3 major factions, but deemed suitable because the coverage of the Holy Chest plate is low enough to allow for testing amputation while still being high enough to represent what a player would likely encounter during a base raid.
Fischer's Exact Test
Chi-Squared analysis was done using an online calculator located here using a simple 2x2 contingency table. For all tests the default parameters of a two sided tail, 1:1 odds and a 95% confidence interval were used.
Version
Tests were performed on Kenshi 1.0.68

Animal Care Compliance

No bonedogs were harmed over the course of this research.

Data

Elite Soldier Tests
The following equipment was used in each test unless explicitly stated otherwise:

Factor Type	Factor Used
Helmet	Crab Helmet
Pants	Samurai Legplates
Shirt	Dark Leather Shirt
Footwear	Wooden Sandals
Robotic Limbs	Masterwork KLR arms & legs
Weapon	Polearm
Level	100
Race	Greenlander

Test	Group 1 Loadout	Group 2 Loadout	Group 1 Win:Loss Ratio
Crab Armor - Dark Leather shirt vs Chainmail	Dark Leather Shirt	Blackened Chainmail	24:6
Crab Armor vs Samurai Plate w/ Polearms	Crab	Samurai	9:21
Crab Armor vs Samurai Plate w/ Nodachi	Crab + Nodachi	Samurai + Nodachi	3:13
Crab vs White Plate Jacket	Crab	White Plate Jacket	0:30
Crab vs White Plate w/ Nodachi	Crab + Nodachi	White Plate + Nodachi	9:21
Crab vs Assassin's rags	Crab + Blackened Chainmail	Assassin's Rags + Dark Leather Shirt	3:27
White Plate Jacket vs Assassin's rags	White Plate	Assassin's Rags	7:23
White Plate Jacket vs Samurai	White Plate	Samurai	27:3
White Plate Jacket shirtless vs shirt	White Plate [no shirt]	White Plate [Dark Leather Shirt]	14:16
White Plate Armor, Skeleton vs Human	White Plate Skeleton	White Plate Human	25:5

Combined Arms Tests
The following equipment was used in each test unless explicitly stated otherwise:

Factor Type	Factor Used
Helmet	Crab Helmet
Pants	Samurai Legplates
Armor	Assassin's Rags
Shirt	Dark Leather Shirt
Footwear	Wooden Sandals
Robotic Limbs	Masterwork KLR arms & legs
Weapon	Polearm
Level	100
Race	Greenlander

Crossbows used a longsword as a sidearm in all cases.

Test	Group 1 Loadout	Group 2 Loadout	Group 1 Win:Loss Ratio
Polearms vs Polearms + Eagle's Cross	Polearms	Polearm + Eagle's Cross	17:3
Polearms vs Polearms + Junkbow	Polearms	Polearm + Junkbow	20:0

Regular Soldier (L50) Tests
The following equipment was used in each test unless explicitly stated otherwise:

Factor Type	Factor Used
Helmet	Bucket Zukin
Pants	Stout Hessian Uniform
Armor	Holy Chest Plate
Shirt	Cloth Shirt
Footwear	Plated Longboots
Robotic Limbs	None
Weapon	Polearm
Level	50
Race	Greenlander

Test	Group 1 Loadout	Group 2 Loadout	Group 1 Win:Loss Ratio
Polearm vs Falling Sun	Polearms	Falling Sun	26:4
Indoors 5v5- Polearm vs Desert Sabers	Polearms	Desert Sabers	13:17
Indoors 1v1- Polearm vs Desert Sabers	Polearm	Desert Saber	10:20

Results

All heavy armor tested lost substantially to both White Plate & Assassin's Rags. The polearm continued to outperform the falling sun. Desert Sabres either matched the Polearm in performance or outperformed it when micromanaging.
Additionally, the dark leather shirt outperformed blackened chainmail. This bolsters claims that when robotic limbs are used that limb coverage is less important than total damage reduced to the torso and stomach.
The Assassin's Rags were undefeated in any category. It seems that the stat malus of heavy armor is indeed quite significant and likely responsible for consistent losses. But even when put against medium White Plate armor which has very little stat malus the Assassin's Rags continue to dominate; this is likely due to the bonuses to dexterity, combat speed and melee attack that they provide.
When pitted against identically sized squads, combined arm crossbows squads were utterly defeated by monolithic squads armed with Polearms.
Level 100 Tests

Test	P-Value	Statistically Significant?	Better Equipment
Crab Armor - Dark Leather shirt vs Chainmail	0.0000114	Yes	Dark Leather Shirt

Level 50 Tests

Test	P-Value	Statistically Significant?	Better Equipment
Polearm vs Falling Sun	< 0.0001	Yes	Polearm
Indoors- 5v5 Polearm vs Desert Sabres	0.4389	No	Neither
Indoors- 1v1 Polearm vs Desert Sabres	0.0194	Yes	Desert Sabre

Combined Arms Tests

Test	P-Value	Statistically Significant?	Better Equipment
Polearms vs Polearms + Eagle's Cross	< 0.0001	Yes	Pure Polearm Squad
Polearms vs Polearms + Junkbow	N/A	Yes	Pure Polearm Squad

Discussion

Kenshi has a wide variety of equipment and a great deal of complex calculations behind it. Despite that, there exist god-tier equipment that appears to provide little choice or strategy for a player looking to outfit a squad to be competitive.
Using robotic limbs changed the ideal composition for armor. Previous testing with crab armor indicated that Blackened Chain Mail had an edge over the Leather Turtleneck. This was attributed to crab armor only providing 90% coverage which meant that stronger protection for the arms could change the tide of lengthy battles; A disabled arm was an extreme liability.
However the massive HP boost provided by KLR arms seems to be significant enough that additional coverage at the cost of dexterity penalties is a bigger hindrance than help. After HP becomes substantially greater than the heath of the stomach or torso it makes more sense to forgo that protection if it means you can hit faster.
Players are unlikely in the early game to outfit their squad with masterwork KLR arms. During this phase one could speculate over whether to use chainmail or a leather turtleneck over the dark leather shirt. Previous testing indicated that chainmail was better for crab armor users fighting other crab armor users with leather turtlenecks, but that experimentation never considered light or medium armor which was shown here to be more effective regardless.
This challenges the wisdom of using chain armor at all. The use of a shirt can be forgone entirely if the player chooses to use White Plate Jackets. This armor provides 100% coverage for the torso, stomach and arms making a shirt redundant. Given White Plate Jackets outperformed Crab and Samurai armor and is more accessible and affordable it is difficult to justify the decision to use heavy armor at all, let alone chainmail in combination with it. This refutes the conclusion to use Crab armor in previous testing.
Given the outsized impact Assassin's Rags had (presumably due to the status boons) it is probably inadvisable to use chainmail and its debuffs alongside it. The Assassin's Rags provide relatively poor coverage, so a shirt of some kind is likely useful. What the ideal shirt for an Assassin's Rags user without KLR arms would be is unanswered in this study.
The Assassin's Rags provided adequate protection when dealing with ranged opponents. One plausible weakness would be the scant protection they provide against harpoons, which was not tested. Even if they are unparalleled in melee further research should be done to see if a single shot from a harpoon could kill a character using them. If that turns out to be the case then White Plate Jackets would apparently be preferable to any heavy armor.
White Plate Jackets outperformed both Crab and Samurai armor when using Nodachis which deal purely cut damage and have a penalty against armor. This is perplexing because heavy armor appears to have been intended to be the best choice for mitigating cut damage, but the stat malus associated with it causes light armor to be a better choice (at least against the weapons tested in this study).
The Falling Sun continued to yield mediocre results compared to the Polearm. Oddly, the Falling Sun was noticed to cause amputation semi-regularly in the tests against Polearms. Despite this knocking out the Polearm user, the remaining Polearms managed to win most fights anyway and bandage their crippled comrade post victory. While limb loss after battle is fairly devastating, this has limited utility from the players perspective; there isn't a strong need to amputate an enemies limbs because it doesn't matter how you disable your opponent as long as they are disabled. It probably makes more sense to just use the Polearm because it wins way more often.
The Polearm appears unbeatable with very few exceptions. Previous testing indicated the only weapon observed to outperform the Polearm was the Paladin's Cross and that was contingent on using it against skeletons. This research indicates that the Desert Sabre can be more effective than the Polearm indoors, but only if the Sabre user is not subject to the Polearms area of effect damage; i.e., the Sabre has to fight the Polearm one on one which requires micromanagement.
A particular surprise was how the Polearm performed by level 50 users indoors against Desert Sabre users in squads. Here Polearms have a very strong malus and the Sabers have a strong boon. Despite this there wasn't a statistically significant difference between them.
The Polearm did lose against Sabres frequently when forced to fight one on one indoors. From the players perspective this means that defending indoors with Sabres is a viable strategy early to mid game, although attacking grouped NPC Sabres indoors with Polearms is also surprisingly viable.
Enemies that use polearms are typically the most high level squads in the game (e.g., the skeletal legion and southern hive). But these late game squads almost exclusively use polearms themselves. This means a player's late game Polearm squad would not have any disadvantage indoors as both squads would have the same penalty. Furthermore, by the time a player is encountering late game squads like this they've likely leveled up enough to avoid the need to micromanage regardless.
Whether such a niche use case justifies sinking experience into building up the Sabre skill when they could be leveling up the Polearm is a matter for players to decide. It's difficult to pronounce Sabre's categorically superior, particularly when they appear to break even with Polearms when forced to fight in groups indoors.
Crossbows/Polearm hybrid squads turned out to be unviable against pure Polearm squads. Every crossbow simulation ended with unfavorable results when the competing squad invested in a Polearm instead. Crossbows probably would perform better during sieges where they had a benefit of a wall, but a turret would likely be a better option at that point. The Junkbows ability to stunlock evenly sized forces was insufficient. This strategy is probably only viable when many weak characters are fighting a single strong character, assuming it works at all.
The lack of some rock-paper-scissors mechanics in Kenshi limits how the player can think strategically about squad composition. Modding could plausibly create more interesting, balanced relationships between equipment. For example, increasing the damage of weapons like Katanas while simultaneously increasing the penalty against heavy armor could make them a viable alternative to Polearms in many common situations.
The interplay of armor penetration and raw damage could create a better defined role for light, medium and heavy builds. Additionally, crossbows might be enhanced to have a viable role in the field as they do not appear to excel there or behind allied walls where they could use a turret instead.
Overall if a players goal is to outfit a squad for the highest combat potential, the data indicates the choice is mostly linear- outfit the entire squad the same way, preferring Assassin's Rags or White Plate Jackets along with a Polearm or Paladin's Cross (both weapons can be available via a backpack).
As far as choice of character goes, Skeletons were shown to significantly outperform humans despite having no head protection. No comparison was done between the Shek and Skeletons as it currently unsettled whether a Shek can actually achieve a strength of 120 in vanilla Kenshi or if that is a bug in FCS. Regardless, in Vanilla Kenshi it is impractical to obtain very many skeletons at all without modding. The higher health pool of the Shek would likely make them the most accessible, competitive recruits when trying to build a strong military squad. If creating a squad of 30 soldiers it would be unsurprising if the majority of them needed to be Shek.

To whom it may concern,
Shalom. Introductions aside, just know that I am a hardcore gamer who has pristine observation skills. I wanted to take it upon myself to give a comprehensive Tier List of the entirety of Chapter 5, Season 2 weapons.
This is not a spreadsheet, no specific mathematical mumbo jumbo needed.
In other words, take my word for it and debate me if you disagree with my tier list for this season.
Additionally, mythic boss weapons are excluded because I judge the weapon classes they belong to holistically. Although mythic weapons do more damage than legendary variants, they are restricted from being customized to preference, thus making the legendary variant of each mythic far superior.
Lastly, there are two honorable mention tiers and this is far from the typical tier list.
Chonk_Lord48's Observations:
Atrocity - Waterbending
S Tier - Thunder Burst SMG, Gatekeeper Shotgun, Ranger Pistol, Cluster Clingers
A Tier - Nemesis AR, Huntress DMR, Hand Cannon, Chain of Hades
B Tier - Warforged AR, Drum Gun, Earthbending
C Tier - Hammer Pump Shotgun, Tactical AR, Airbending, Reaper Sniper Rifle
D Tier - Thunderbolt of Zeus, Firebending
F Tier - Frenzy Auto Shotgun, Chewie's Bowcaster, Darth Vader's Lightsaber
Absurdity - Harbinger SMG, E-11
Reasoning Section
Atrocity - Waterbending is an all encompassing infinite range (it travels past render range) infinite ammo, instant reload super power that will drop any enemy of most skill ranges in exactly two shots. This two shot kill problem is especially a factor when your enemy is using an untraceable form of Zen or Aimbot. Gamers who rely on this atrocious thing to kill or get wins are either inept at the game OR fighting water with water. Thought I would NEVER hear that phrase... Yet it is LITERAL. This weapon should have started and ended with the Avatar: The Last Airbender mini event. This is the second worst decision Epic has ever made, right next to... Well, that's a banned name isn't it... that pleb pleaser from Season X. Waterbending is so broken that it just removes the enjoyment from the game entirely. Even though it is labeled as a mythic rarity item it is far more common than bandages and perhaps more common than most common rarity weapons. Horrendous, absolutely horrendous decision.
S Tier - The Thunder Burst SMG is a phenomenal skill-based weapon that requires precision accuracy to observe the sheer powerhouse of a weapon it is. It has one of the lowest Time To Kill (TTK) in the game due to It's powerful damage output, accuracy, and headshot multiplier (1.76x). It can be used for mid-range combat as well with a modest damage reduction.
The Gatekeeper Shotgun is by far the BEST shotgun ever released in Fortnite History, surpassing the Charge Shotgun class except its Mythic variant. This shotgun excels in point blank range and the TTK is less than two seconds. It has a great spread which provides the opportunity for some guaranteed hits when firing from the hip. When it is aimed down, the spread becomes more precise. Most shotguns do this, yet the Gatekeeper stands out because the choke is not pinpoint accurate (like other failures of a shotgun) and its crosshair fits so nicely around an enemy's head.
The Ranger Pistol has a fast TTK and is damn near the perfection of the Thunder Burst SMG. The two are so similar in damage output, firerate, reload time and range that honestly a player can use either and perform well. When compared to the Warforged AR, it is more accurate, has a higher headshot multiplier, and reloads much faster.
Cluster Clingers were literally the only throwable explosives that did enough damage required to kill. A lethal weapon in the hands of a skilled player. This specific item will forever hold its place as the 'only' explosive throwable item. Be honest, the rest were just gimmicks that were terrible and practically useless. This was the ONLY grenade that actually put enemies back to the lobby. Why it was removed is beyond nonsensical. Anyone who could dare complain about the first (only) grenade that did grenading is... I will say it, part of the Little Timmy community (plebs) that Epic LOVES to humor (I remember Season X well).
Each of these weapons are truly a masterpiece in their class and stand out as among the greatest weapons to ever touch the surface of the game. They do not require attachments to be good. These weapons can be deadly in the hands of players from all skill ranges. From common to legendary or mythic these weapons take the cake as this season's best.
A Tier - The Huntress DMR is the BEST DMR to date. All other DMRs pale in comparison to this one (Looking at you Cobra) because it actually hits targets when you aim and shoot directly at them. This would have been S-Tier but since it requires a specific set of attachments each game to be superior, it cannot be placed there. This weapon shoots the farthest and has little to no bullet drop whatsoever. It is superior to the once great Reaper Sniper rifle and takes the cake as the best long-range choice this season.
Note: Perhaps with the fresh new ballistics system, the Cobra DMR can make a return and actually function properly instead of being exclusive to function on PC.
The Hand Cannon is a re-imagining of one of Chapter 1's best weapons. It is superior to other slow firing, semi-automatic weapons due to its damage output and buffed headshot multiplier. This weapon is exclusive for highly accurate and skilled players which is precisely why it remains in A Tier. It is not universally great (S-Tier), yet it still rewards those with precise aim. The fun with this weapon is that it doubles as a close range defender or a sniper rifle depending on attachment preference. When modded to be a long-range weapon it should be noted that it has less bullet drop than the Reaper Sniper Rifle. The other optimization is the classic one which can be done with an optic attached or not. When used in this classic form, it outclasses the Hammer Pump Shotgun entirely. It does more headshot damage and less body shot damage, sure, but at least significant damage is guaranteed since spread is not a factor.
The Nemesis AR is a powerhouse of a weapon as well which is surprisingly accurate for its high damage output and adequate headshot multiplier. It has a fast TTK and requires little investment to be superior to other weapons in its class.
The Chain of Hades is not an an atrocity. It is very much required to counter and punish enemies who think they are tough guys fleeing from a fight using shockwaves or the wings of Icarus, or even a motorbike. It is fun to use, when it works. This item is prevented from being S-Tier due to the FACT it does not work properly. This weapon has a sweeping animation and must be paired with area of effect damage. The center of the crosshair is NOT the only area of damage. This can be tested and proven by opening a door, aiming in the middle of the doorway, and swinging. You will notice the it does indeed deal damage to the left and right of the crosshair. Sadly, and unsurprisingly, this AOE melee weapon seems to exclusively function properly on PC. When used on PC, this chain causes a stagger that prevents a weapon from firing in a minute instances. That is, each hit when swung, causes an interruption of a weapon firing. This feature is nonexistent on consoles and seems intentional. As for the chain pull, that attack causes stagger universally, which is good.
B Tier - The Warforged AR is decent at best. Even with a legendary properly modded variant, it pales in comparison to the Nemesis AR, which requires little investment to no investment. This weapon had much potential but Epic clealry refuses to allow an S-Tier assault rifle to exist again.
The Drum Gun is yet another re-imagining of one of the greatest weapons to enter the META first debuted in Chapter 1. This version, regardless of attachments, fails to be what it once was. It is about as accurate as the Warforged and also lacks recoil control even with the attachments meant to reduce it.
Earthbending was a failed opportunity for Epic to allow players to have fun with the game. I would have preferred summoning armor on my character (like Toph does in the show) paired with the ability to bull charge into an enemy which would deal an atrocious amount of damage to be equally unfair as Waterbending. Maybe 150 damage or simply an instant KO. Heck if I care you cannot shoot the armor off quick enough to cancel the attack. As for Earthbebding as it was made, the cover provided was stronger than metal, and more reliable than porta bunkers. Long before the time it would take to break the cover, the ability to form another wall is primed and ready. Hurling large, fine cut rock slabs at enemies should have caused a KO in two hits to counter that atrocity not worth my breath anymore.
C Tier - The Hammer Pump Shotgun is just a joke but can still be deadly when paired with an appropriate backup weapon. This weapon could be A-Tier at best when paired with a Thunder Burst SMG or F-Tier at worst when used alone. By that logic, it averages to the middle of the tier list. Oh I miss the days when it just took one skilled shot to send them back to the lobby with the original Pump Shotgun re-imagined in Chapter 1 Season 5. This was arguably the most balanced period in Fortnite's history especially for both SMGs and ARs.
The Tactical AR is yet another re-imagining of one of the greatest weapons. This too pales in comparison to it's predecessor. Even with all necessary attachments on it, it is not the same as before. Period. It does not do enough damage and high a slow TTK. It pales in comparison to both the Thunder Burst SMG and other assault rifles. It fails to be both SMG and AR when it is meant to be a combination of both.
The Reaper Sniper has once graced players inventories as the BEST sniper rifle in Fortnite's history. Once an S-Tier weapon, this powerful sniper rifle has fallen from that status due to Epic's tendency to humor plebeians in the community. It has caused this weapon to become absolutey useless for what it was made for. It does not make any sense at all for this weapon's bullets to have bullet drop before 20m. The projectory of the bullet is flaccid, like to an ED extent. Absolutely an ABSURD choice for long range encounters, period. However, this weapon can surpass even the Hand Cannon as a replacement for a shot gun, slap the proper attachments on play pretend that it is the KSG-12 or a slug round shotgun, then you got yourself an S-Tier shotgun that drops players in ONE shot.
Airbending is not a weapon per se, however it can be used as one to cause a death due to gravity or to prevent vehicles from traveling. It was amazing. I miss it. It was the best movement option that was ever released in the game.
D Tier - Thunderbolt of Zeus had potential to be amazing. It was pathetic compared to cluster clingers and its splash damage seems to be so random that it is unreliable. It is supposed to hit for 40, 40, then 140. Yet my final hit is hitting for 80. I do not understand. Prep time alone makes this weapon a death wish.
Firebending also lack a passive ability and Epic has failed to make this combat-based bending effective. Unless you are staying perfectly still, you will jump around like a maniac and miss all projectiles. Period. Upon release, it dealt barely any damage and Epic did not bother buffing the damage until near the event's conclusion. I should, according to the same broken logic, be able to bend lightning with extreme precision to deal 300+ damage, thus instantly knocking out anyone.
F Tier - The Frenzy Auto Shotgun was once an atrocity and at first got respectfully nerfed. Then Epic nerfed it again to be effective exclusively at less than point-blank range. Any further than 10 meters then you are surely dealing between 10-20 damage IF you are lucky.
The Bowcaster is a failure of what could have been a fun limited time weapon to use. Firstly it animates an AoE per shot regardless of charge and does NOT do splash damage when shot. When charged fully it deals decent damage but then the splash damage is negligible. I am a first hand witness to this bs weapon having splash damage be effective exclusively on PC. I was damaged from about a tile and a half away from the point of impact when at the Dumpen Haussen reboot van. I find it unnerving that some weapons have no polish on console. The Bowcaster when shot semiautomatic is not only supposed to have splash damage but it also fails to deal damage in general. This weapon suffers the Cobra DMR curse where if you aim directly at an enemy and HIT them, it does no damage or just goes right through them or it is just rubber bullets or blanks. As for the bowcaster, it is as if the laser goes directly through the enemy causing no damage whatsoever. This does not happen on PC. To my knowledge, Epic intentionally caters to this SMALL percentage of the community.
Darth Vader's lightsaber is just bad compared to the chain. The chain is in an entirely different class. The lightsaber lacks damage output and is trash at blocking waterbending. The guard is easily broken. Without a pool of lightsabers to choose from that have powers per color. The other powers would have been perfect counters to the chain of hades. Push em off or pull them down or towards. Amazing, is what it would have been.
Absurdity Tier - The E-11 is canonically accurate, how ironic. Nuff said. No wonder the Storm Troopers could never hit their shots.
The Harbinger SMG was supposed to fix Epic's failure last season, the Hyper SMG. Both are absurdities and should NEVER be picked up in any circumstance. You would fair better throwing grass at your enemies. The Harbinger SMG is outclassed in DPS by EVERY other light ammo weapon option, EVER, not just this season. It is BEYOND a failure which is why it takes its rightful place here. It is to NEVER be relied on. You will surely die faster by any other weapon in the game. Even at legendary rarity optimized for hipfire or ADS the gun is inaccurate regardless of the player using it. Both the E-11 and the Harbinger SMG are universally repulsive and fail to be a weapon (by definition) in the hands of any player.
Conclusion
These are my expert observations on what is, can be, and is not effective in the current META. Please feel free to debate these claims, if you can.
Thanks and God bless you all,
Chonk_Lord48

Everyone I spend time with my friend it feel so wonderful. Is it still love after all this time?
I miss her so much every time I leave after a visit.More of a story and a question. I really don’t even know where to start. You need to how painfully confusing this friendship was from the start. Met in grad school 2017, was taken with my friend quite quickly, and she expressed interest and when I followed up on her invites she wasn’t interested. So, I avoided her because I didn’t want to get involved. However, she ended up running into me all the time and something changed. One night right around Christmas at dinner, she just blurted out she’s polyamorous and a few other things. I didn’t know how to react and by the time I knew what the hell was going I, I didn’t know if I wanted to get involved, thought I might get hurt.
There were a number of nights at 3AM when she asked me to come back for coffee or whatever(that I remember), and I wasn’t sure of anything. However, we ended up living close together and then spent way too much time together during the pandemic going on trips alone, with her other partner. I felt myself falling for her again, but then she moved away and my life fell apart. But it didn’t end.
I need to clarify. My life falling apart wasn’t her fault. The pandemic pidgeon-holed me in a toxic job and then both my older parents had health incidents which required that I move back and start taking care of them and 80% of the household items and transitioning them to a smaller house. Couple that with my own health problems which are a result of all this stress and I feel like I’ve lost who I really learned to be.
I know I should be out doing things and looking elsewhere, but I have no time. I waste 2.5 hrs commuting to work, errands after work for my parents, come home cooking, scrape the remnants of myself together, take a sleeping pill (because the tv is never off) and go to bed. This isn’t relevant except to say I hope I’m not simply clinging to my friend for the wrong reasons.
I’ve withdrawn into myself, am nervous and generally don’t feel like dealing with people. Every other aspect of my life is so taxing right now.
Back to my friend. Knowing her changed me. Although I was confused, she still taught me how fulfilling it can be to make someone happy, communicate emotionally with someone and just feel content and happy being with them. Simple things like telling them unabashedly how something small they did made me happy, being more demonstrative with me affection, and how reciprocating is so fulfilling. The constant making fun of me always helped too. I think that I wouldn’t really have these feelings if she didn’t keep doing as much for me as I try to do for her. I don’t know why I feel embarrassed, but I feel content and so much more when I’m with her.
She gave me so much confidence and energy.
A couple months ago, we met up in NYC for four days and just spent time together. When I went pick up my car at the valet service, we hugged, said goodbye and (it sounds stupid) she said she wanted to wait with me. So we sat down on the bench, and she put her head on my shoulder. It just touched me. There’s a quote that always stuck with me from a young age, but it never really meant that much until I met her. It is “Find someone to sit with you, none of us are strong enough to do it alone.” I held it together until I drove away. I know it’s a reflection of how I’m struggling right now, but the time I spent with her, made me perk back up, be myself more.
Then last week we met up again. I drove 8 hours to spend 10 hours with her and a few friends. It made it clear to me how much time spent with her makes me feel more like my ‘actual self’ if that makes sense. She kept up bringing things up she wanted to do, and had already planned another trip.
Yes, I’m pretty sure she knows how I feel. When she moved away, I told her that she means so much to me and all the time we spent together meant the world. She stopped her car, ran back out and just squeezed me so hard. It felt like a stupid Casablanca moment. I’ve probably drunkenly said something I don’t quite remember too. To be clear, I don’t ever expect anything ‘more’. I cherish having her as a friend.
There’s always a part of me that hopes one of us won’t follow up. More often than not she asks me right before I leave if I’d like to do ‘something else’ with her that she’s already started thinking about. Or I’ll get a call right when I get home. I don’t ever say no.
Part of this post is me trying to understand me feelings. I know I want her in my life more, but that won’t work now or possibly ever. What does more mean for me? I don’t know. I get so much energy when I see her, I’m motivated to do so much with her. Seeing her giggle and have fun give me a wonderful feeling. The other 90%of my life is filled with constant stress, and indifference bordering on hate for my parents. And why does she make me feel like a more complete person? I don’t know.

I'm 21 years old 5ft 7 And weigh 57kg.
I will like U to go into detail for each feat I mention but in 2 ways. The first is in comparison to any other 5ft 7 57kg 21 year and then second would be compared to the average 'height and weight' 21 year old.
I was really skinny (I don't have pics) and decided to try pushups. I could only do 5. I was told that although I'm very skinny. For someone who never trained or worked let alone worked out, alot people can't even do more than 1 and 5 was relatively impressive..for 1 week every day i practised doing as many pushups as i could do. At the end of the week I realised I could do 10 pushups to failure. I then decided no matter what I will do 10 pushups every day for the next 30 days. By the end of the month I had a pb of 20 pushups (a 5 seconds rest for repositioning after 10 pushups, then banging out last 10 before failure).in a row. This brought me from an original 56.6 to 57kg. I then discovered grip strength adjustable spring loaded tools and.realised I could do 60ibs in each hand. After 7 days I got up to 75 where I peaked for a few weeks. After a month I had finally decided to go to the gym feeling relatively strong for my size.
I done many arm chest back exercises with only using like 10-15kg for each exercise (not bench squat or deadlift) for 1 week and.felt really strong. I was happy that I could do that for 12 reps and.thn I thought screw it I'm gonna try my hardest I have a big temper and I feel 5c stronger in those moments and decided to put that anger into training.
Instantly the next day following the 1st week of gym training with 10-15kg weights. I ended up finding out I could bench 60kg 1-3 times (depending wether I was just going to falier or seeing what I can lift. 40kg 12 reps 3 sets now and 20 pushups not much trouble. I can do 5 chin ups compared to none at beginning. Also even though I couldn't grip it properly I used a digital dynomometre and.scores 40kg in 1 hand and 58 in both even though I couldn't grip it and it kept slipping out.
I'm just wandering how I fair with only a week gym training with a month prep of pushups for 30days. Essentially how do I fair for someone my size. Does the feats impressive compared to the average 21 year old.
Sorry for the long message I don't usually do these.
Thank you

Currently there are 306,186,849 shares of common stock outstanding. Last week, the posted snapshot from Bloomberg indicated that in sum about 1.2 million shares have been bought by GameStop under rule 10b-18. This would decrease the publicly available share count to approximately 305 million. GameStop have now declared they may at any time issue an additional 45 million common shares and 5 million preferred shares.
Tinfoil Prediction: they will issue 10 million common shares at market price and raise the share count (ex counterfeits) to 315 million. That number is divisible by 7. After issuance of those 10 million common shares, they will issue one (fraction of a) preferred share for every 7 common shares (741). The preferred shares will be issued via an issuing agent which happens to be Computershare. Accounts held with the transfer agent, which also happens to be computershare, will receive the preferred shares directly and the remaining 60-70% of preferred shares will be dumped on the depo (DTC) or the brokers, who then can try to distribute them (lol) or rather fight for them because: Holders of shares of Common Stock held in “street name” through a brokerage account, bank or other nominee will not receive physical rights certificates and must instruct their broker, bank or other nominee whether to exercise Subscription Rights on their behalf.
The clue is in the name and preferred shares have some preferable status, such as regular dividends etc. In this particular case, they may have the non-transferable and non (cash-)substitutable right attached to a subscription of common shares, meaning the right to acquire common shares at a predefined price such as for a discount to the market price. This makes preferred shares inherently more valuable than common shares (take a look at BNED this week and their filing on 15 May 2024). Consequently, market participants may compete to receive the preferred shares and may pay a premium for common shares prior to issuance of preferred shares or recall the ones which may have been lent. This may put shorts under water. GameStop may use the proceeds from issuing 10 million shares to strengthen the balance sheet. GameStop might also incentivize holders of preferred stock further by issuing other benefits such as NFT divis, wu tang audio etc. However, the proceeds may also be used to finance equity investments in compliance with GameStops investment policy or repurchase of their common stock. The continuation of such repurchases under rule 10b-18 may be particularly interesting at the time due to the volume restriction based on average trading volume of the preceding four weeks at the time of a buyback under this rule. Currently, the 10 day trading volume is 73.1 million shares (according to Schwab). This is another factor that might put shorts under water. To spell it out clearly: given the action of the last week, GameStop could currently raise capital (but don’t need to) and repurchase a fat amount of its own common stock on the free market and yet remain in compliance with the safe harbor rule.
Substantial rises in the stock price could then incentive GameStop to issue more of their remaining 35 million shares of common stock to procure working capital or capital for future buybacks. However, a decreasing stock price could incentivize GameStop to issue shares and then repurchase them at a lower price, continuously decreasing the share count and thus applying upwards pressure on the price in the long run. Holders of common stock AND preferred stock need not worry about this since proceeds from the business activities could then be rerouted via preferred shares. In the end, every market participant had a right and chance to gain his preferred shares, right ;)
Edit: fractionalizability of preferred shares as defined in the recently published S3 document.
Edit 2: Relevant Barnes filing:
BASKING RIDGE, N.J.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--May 15, 2024--Barnes & Noble Education, Inc. (NYSE: BNED) (“BNED” or the “Company”), a leading solutions provider for the education industry, announced today that its registration statement for its fully backstopped $45 million equity rights offering (the “Rights Offering”), was declared effective by the Securities and Exchange Commission (“SEC”) on May 14, 2024.
The Rights Offering is one of the previously announced proposed transactions (the “Transactions”) contemplated by the Company’s definitive agreement with Immersion Corporation (NASDAQ: IMMR) (“Immersion”), and certain of the Company’s existing shareholders and strategic partners, that will enable the Company to substantially deleverage its balance sheet, strategically invest in innovation and operate from a position of strength. The Transactions remain subject to shareholder approval and other closing conditions.
Upon closing of the Transactions, which is currently expected to occur in June 2024:
BNED will receive gross proceeds of $95 million of new equity capital through the Rights Offering and a $50 million new equity investment led by Immersion; the Transactions are expected to infuse approximately $75 million of net cash proceeds after transaction costs;
The Company’s existing second lien lenders will convert approximately $34 million of outstanding principal and any accrued and unpaid interest into BNED Common Stock; and
The Company has received commitments to refinance its existing asset backed loan facility, pursuant to an agreement with its first lien holders, providing the Company with access to a $325 million facility (the “ABL Facility”) maturing in 2028. The refinanced ABL Facility will meaningfully enhance BNED’s financial flexibility and reduce its annual interest expense.
Through the Rights Offering, BNED will issue 900,000,000 shares of its common stock, par value $0.01 per share (the “Common Stock”) at a cash subscription price (the “Subscription Price”) of $0.05 per share. In the Rights Offering, BNED will distribute to each holder of record of its Common Stock on May 14, 2024 (the “Record Date”) one non-transferable subscription right (each, a “Subscription Right”) for every share of Common Stock owned by such holder on the Record Date, and each Subscription Right will entitle the holder to purchase 17 shares of Common Stock. Each holder that fully exercises their Subscription Rights will be entitled to Over-Subscription Rights to subscribe for additional shares of Common Stock that remain unsubscribed as a result of any unexercised Subscription Rights, which allows such holder to subscribe for additional shares of Common Stock up to the number of shares purchased under such holder’s basic Subscription Right at $0.05 per share.
If any Subscription Rights remain unexercised upon the expiration of the Rights Offering after accounting for all Over-Subscription Rights exercised, the standby purchasers led by Immersion, Outerbridge Capital Management, LLC and Selz Family 2011 Trust will collectively purchase, at the Subscription Price, up to $45 million in shares of Common Stock not subscribed for by the Company’s stockholders.
The Company will not issue fractional shares in the Rights Offering or cash in lieu of fractional shares of Common Stock. Any fractional shares of Common Stock that would be created by an exercise of the Subscription Rights will be rounded to the nearest whole share.
The Company expects that the net proceeds of the offering will be used to pay expenses in connection with the Transactions and reduce the balance under the Company’s ABL Facility.
The Company expects that Computershare Trust Company N.A., the subscription agent for the Rights Offering, will mail rights certificates and a copy of the prospectus for the Rights Offering to holders of record of Common Stock as of the Record Date beginning on or about May 15, 2024. Holders of shares of Common Stock held in “street name” through a brokerage account, bank or other nominee will not receive physical rights certificates and must instruct their broker, bank or other nominee whether to exercise Subscription Rights on their behalf.
The subscription period will expire at 5:00 p.m., Eastern Time, on June 5, 2024. However, the Company may extend the period for exercising the Subscription Rights. Subscription Rights that are not exercised by the expiration date of the Rights Offering will expire and will have no value.
The shares of Common Stock to be issued upon exercise of the Subscription Rights will be listed for trading on the New York Stock Exchange (“NYSE”) under the symbol “BNED.” The Subscription Rights are non-transferable and the Company will not be listing the Subscription Rights on the NYSE or any other national securities exchange.
Neither the Company nor its Board of Directors has made or will make any recommendation to holders regarding the exercise of Subscription Rights. Holders should make an independent investment decision about whether or not to exercise their Subscription Rights based on their own assessment of the Company’s business, the Rights Offering and the other Transactions.
Questions about the Rights Offering or requests for a copy of the prospectus related to the Rights Offering may be directed to the Information Agent, Innisfree M&A Incorporated, at (877) 800-5185. (Banks & Brokers may call collect: (212) 750-5833.
Other Important Information
The issuance and sale of shares of Common Stock pursuant to the Rights Offering is subject to, among other things, the approval of our stockholders at a special meeting (the “Special Meeting”) to be held on June 5, 2024. If the issuance and sale of our Common Stock pursuant to the Rights Offering is not approved at the Special Meeting, then the Rights Offering will be cancelled. The Rights Offering is being made pursuant to the Company’s registration statement on Form S-1 (File No. 333-278799), which was declared effective on May 14, 2024. The Company reserves the right to cancel or terminate the Rights Offering at any time. This press release does not constitute an offer to sell or the solicitation of an offer to buy any Subscription Rights or any other securities to be issued in the Rights Offering or any related transactions, nor shall there be any offer, solicitation or sale of Subscription Rights or any other securities in any jurisdiction in which such offer, solicitation or sale would be unlawful.
Edit 3: Barnes pumped 150% on Friday.

Freshly back and awake after a twelve day stint for my first time there. I knew that I wanted to go in general, and while I didn't have a firm itinerary planned out, there was one main goal that I had in terms of sites within the country. The main video game that I play is Beatmania IIDX, and it has internal trophies which are represented as badges. Your profile allows you to assign up to five of them as visible when you start a new round, and there are badges to earn for playing at least one round in every prefecture in Japan, as well as every subregion. Getting the Kanto badge meant that I needed to play at least one round in Tokyo, Kanagawa, Saitama, Gunma, Tochigi, Ibaraki, and Chiba. After five days, I had that complete, and now I have a permanent record of this trip within the game itself. There was also a time-limited event to earn points in IIDX in order to exchange them for goods, such as a hat, or a towel, or a new account card and a poster, and I managed to get that taken care of in somewhat dramatic fashion. I did some other things too.
Primary general points
· Getting Suica set on the phone and using it was generally painless. There were only two times where I needed to summon the help of a resident JR employee to clear up an issue with the gate not reading the card for some reason.
· Most vocal interaction which I had was the opposite of painless, because I continuously kept trying to speak Japanese and failing, and most people would realize that I was completely failing at it and responded with English (some with full on sentences, others with just a few words). There were a few rare times that I was able to express my intent in Japanese, receive a response, understand the response, and reply as necessary, but that was rare. Once English was invoked, I would stay with it, because that's what they were expecting. I've been self-studying the language for more than twenty years in varying degrees of intensity, and while my reading comprehesion seemed sufficient enough for this trip, and while I didn't expect my speaking to be as good because I don't have any opportunity to practice speaking, I came away bitterly disappointed in my vocal and speaking comprehension in terms of my interaction with people there. Even within the trip I could at least overhear common chitchat better, but any time I needed to converse with someone for some reason, I usually needed to have things repeated several times and broken down before I finally realized what was being said.
· You are going to be asked about separately buying a bag with every non-food purchase. Accept or immediately present one that you are carrying to indicate how your purchase shall be bagged.
· I never once had my passport requested for presentation.
· Only once did a person volutnarily reach out to address me, and it was just to ask me where I was from in English. Otherwise, everyone left me alone the entire time.
· Weather through the period was ideal. Mid to upper 70F/25C range and only a few days where it was rainy, and even then it wasn't a downpour. A while ago I personally resolved to only wear suits in public and I purchased a new pair of Mephisto shoes after hearing reports of the extensive walking causing problems for traveller's feet and shoes. My attire help up well; there were only a few times that I needed to avoid sunlight to not get too hot, and I have no issues to report from the shoes.
· I only got X'd out of a restaurant one time, and I think it's only because I wandered into it before it was ready for service. Otherwise, I never once waited in line for food, I never once went to restaurant more than once, and all food was acceptably priced for the portion and excellent for the quality.
For these per-day recounts, I wrote them contemporaneously at the end of each day, so you'll need to forgive me for some writing being in present tense and other writing being in past tense.
Day 1 - Travel, Sugamo, Ikebukuro
Non stop flight from Chicago OHare to Haneda. 12 hours. Good thing I usually don't watch movies, because that just means that all I needed to do was binge a few to make the trip go by.
Pre-trip research led me to choose APA Sugamo as my home base for the visit, and I think that it was a very fortuitious choice. I'll have more to say about it later.
Some awkward encounters happened right away upon checking in here. I was at the nearby Family Mart to buy some things and I didn’t catch that he was making sure I wanted a bag until he repeated it five times. Yes, I’ll take it. Before getting there I was coming down to ground level after checking into my room, and when that person saw that I would have been the only other person going down to the ground, they ducked right back out. I was warned on both of these kinds of things happening, so I guess it’s good to have that immediately out of the way. It would turn out that people deliberately avoiding me was rare throughout the trip.
Despite not sleeping on the trip, I had freshly arrived and had no sense of being tired, so once I had my stuff down, I went off to Ikebukuro right away. No picture or video truly conveys how crowded these areas can get. It can only be experienced in person to be understood.
I soon found Round One Ikebukruo and went right in. So dense and loud. It’s entirely alien to me to see no less than ten IIDX machines in operation and all of them in use. I dumped the money into random tickets, as I foresaw doing, but now I have to wonder if that was the right thing to do, or if it’s tied to that location. I guess I’ll find out.
The forecast is for rain so I need to be in a hurry to figure out where I’m going to go. There might be only one day left for me to get my time limited toys.
Day 2 - Kawasaki, Kanagawa - Utsunomiya, Tochigi - Oomiya, Saitama
My body decided that it only needed four hours of sleep this morning. Without doing more research, I somehow decided to assume that more of the Round One locations were close to 24 hours of operation much like Ikebukuro. Answer: no. I hopped on the train early and went to Shibuya first, but it was very quiet, so I decided to get some of the travels out of the way today and headed south to Kawasaki. I still needed to dawdle for a while until Silk Hat opened at 900AM, and when I finally was able to get inside, I was only able to verify that their store had several allotments of the campaign goods and all allotments were out. Played one round on a monitor that was surprisingly blurry, and I don’t know why that would be the case with a lightning model, but it was, so that was enough.
After doing all of that, I resolved to try to go to Chiba and Ibaraki afterwards. I figured that with Kanagawa and Tokyo likely all out, going to the outskirts would make more sense. However, there was an injury on one of the rails that threw everything off normal, and the train I found myself riding was bound for Utsunomiya instead. Seeing as how I was going to go there eventually, I rolled with it.
It doesn’t take too long to move away from Tokyo metropolitan area before you encounter more forest like areas and rice paddy fields. Halfway through the trip I noticed that two older women suddenly hopped off while the train was waiting to go to the next stop, and I followed them when I realized they found the express line. Utsunomiya has a substantial size to its area and buildings but it was very quiet on the streets there in midday. Walked a mile to Sega GIGO, found that they didn’t even have the goods tracker up. All out. Interesting buliding for it having several neon signs, all vintage and authentic at that. Getting to there from the south meant cutting through Saitama, so I knew I had enough time to make one last attempt there. Research shown two stores being near Oomiya station, so that’s where I ended up. Taito Station was immediately visible upon exit, and they have two IIDX machines specifically with 20 gram springs, which is closer to my home setup and that much lighter than standard 50 gram springs. The final hour drew near and I made one last visit to that city’s Round One. Unlike nearly every other place I went to so far, it only had one IIDX machine. However, and maybe because of that, their goods listing didn’t show everything as out. One painful language exchange later, I was able to discern that what I wanted was available. When you spend more than 3000 yen in a single credit, the game wants to verify if you really want to proceed. It does it again at 6000 and 9000. Yes, I really do. But, having made that money dump I was able to get my hands on the e-amuse card and poster with fifteen minutes left before the deadline. Mission complete. By this point in the day it was exceedingly difficult to even look at the screen so I was ready to come home, but not before getting some goods at the Oomiya Book Off and redeeming what I could for points at Round One Ikebukuro. By the end of the day the only thing that I could tolerate doing was to buy some chicken and nigiri from the nearby train station. Good enough. At that point in the day my body felt like it wants to rock back and forth after all the train riding done today. But, it ended up being worthwhile after all.
One nostalgic feeling I had the most strongly in the day was at the Utsunomiya location where the smell of it triggered past buried memories of yesteryear. I think I want to attribute it to the stronger second hand cigarette smell but I’m not sure - all the same I felt its presence strongly there. Also, I don’t see Oomiya (or really Saitama itself) mentioned as a fun place to go, but it might serve as an acceptable alternative to Ikebukuro, only not as massive in scale of human quantity. Depending on how the trip goes in total I may end up back there for IIDX playing, at least if I don’t find any other place that has 20G springs.
Day 3 - Akihabara
With the travels out of the way, it was time to keep things more regionalized and stick to one area, and there is shopping that needs to be done, so it was off to Akihabara and to see how much of other posted tales hold true. The answer is that it is a lot of it. Kotobukiya can stand to open sooner than noon. Super Potato is indeed priced for a market which wants to snap up anything cheap - I at least found Xi for under 500 and felt that it would have been a bit silly to buy only that, but it didn’t make spending 2000 on one single issue of Arcadia any better. I had no idea that Hey Arcade was right next to both of them; while it was assuredly nice to be there and see the row of Cave shooters among everything else, something got messed up with my registration of my new eamuse card with everything else, so that quickly added to my stress. Having to carry around a few hundred dollars worth of crap with every step didn’t help matters. At least I was able to help a person recover their lost phone by applying a bit of logic to the situation and deducing it to belong to the only person there who looked French, as it was on the Lock Screen. They were relieved, yes. Then, rain came, and it was more than I was anticipating, and I left the umbrella at the room, particularly since I knew I’d be shopping this day. It also turns out to have not mattered much, because I went to visit Bic Camera so that I could get myself a hair trimmer while here, and that turned into me finding a bunch of Kit Kats available, so that meant a second bag. The wind kicked out the rain and my umbrella. In trying to get as many gifts secured as possible, I found some gachapon, but it needed 100Y coins, and I didn’t need paper money in the trip yet. After fighting with maps, I found an ATM to get cash, and got the gachapon. I came home late with feeling rather crushed about the day in that I couldn’t take pictures very well with having to juggle weather and bagging considerations. There were some nice parts of the experience to be sure but between that and more gawking at Super Potato pricing ($135 for PS3 Caladrius? $6000 for Pulstar?) and seeing similar markups on other goods, I don’t think it’s unfair to say that there is a reputation that this area carries and the pricing is there to go with it.
Day 4 - Laundry Day. Shibuya, Harajuku, Shinjuku
I was so drained at the end of Day 3 that I fell asleep on the bed immediately after ending the night call, which meant that I woke up at 0200AM to a room that was fully lit. This meant that I needed to look up how to resolve my eamuse problem or else I wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep. I did both. Awake at 0800AM meant that I had time to do laundry while I figured out what to do with the rest of the day. This meant that I was able to get more of Sugamo in pictures, and it was nice to be able to walk among the actual residences, and do other things like come across a school as it was actually in session. With them being close by and all in succession, I figured to get Shibuya, Harajuku, and Shinjuku visited. It turns out to have been a good day for it, as the temperature was perfectly cool and no rain came, and the sun came out only for a little bit. Shibuya somehow doesn’t seem quite as large in scope in person but the crowds were definitely there, and it is much more hilly than I anticipated as well. After wandering around and not seeing any arcade for a bit, I came across a series of coffee and cookie shops and remained strong to not indulge. It was there while looking at a Disney store (which gets tourists to take pictures of it for some reason) that the song Alone Again came on through the nearby public speakers. What timing. It drove me to finally get a treat for myself, and the frozen latte (black sesame and houji) and croissant (dark chocolate filing) were certainly good, it ended up costing more than the dinner I’d have later this day. I found a seclusion with a garbage can to eat the food and not carry the trash around, then an arcade soon after, and it was time to determine if I could fix the problem. Just like an easy click, it was. New to trash. Old to new. Done. Why did it have to be this way. Harajuku came next, and the environment there was distinct. This one in particular felt like it was an extended carnival atmosphere with the single tight knit market street and emphasis on fashion. A conversation with a freelance artist in the subway actually went well enough that I didn’t feel dumb. The same sensation carried to Shinjuku as well, only it was more spread out. Kabuki street was interesting to see in person, and I didn’t get any unseemly vibes from the place. Maybe it’s different later at night. A return home at a reasonable time allowed me to go down Sugamo’s market street a bit; most of it was closed, but it was interesting to come across the few remaining stores that were open by 0800PM, and more so the one that wasn’t. Coming back to the hotel I found a 24 hour ramen shop with nobody inside. The chef didn’t want to speak and only pointed to the ordering kiosk when I addressed her. The food came through a slot in the obscured window. At least her thank you as I left was a bit more warm, and the food was certainly delicious. To match with the matcha dessert that I bought from Sugamo station, I swung by a 7Eleven to get a drink, and found a milk tea for cheaper than a vending machine. The overhead music in the store was an instrumental version of Alone Again.
Day 5. Ibaraki - Mount Tsukuba, Miraidaira. Kashiwa, Chiba. Akihabara 2.
Awake at 0500AM on my own and knowing the current forecast meant that my envisioned plan for the day was quickly realized. Reaching the Tsukuba Express starting point from Akihabara needs you to get very far down into the ground before getting out into sunlight. I was on the ride early enough to see schoolchildren going about their commute, some of them being no older than ten and going about it unaccompanied. The people of Tsukuba seemed to be particularly helpful and cheerful that day, even despite my Suica issues at the gate. I didn’t ask his name at the counter but the man at the service desk was eager to speak with me about my career and what I was doing there. One asked where I was from on the way up to the summit and another caught my cable car ticket on the way down. There had to have been a few of them who saw my doing this climb in my business attire and thinking me to be a complete idiot if not outright mocking them for doing it that way while they employed the use of dual walking sticks and the like. I know I read some reports of the home stretch being difficult, but it did get pretty close to being an actual rock climb instead of a trail hike for that part of it. A quick stop to Miraidaira on the way back to get the Ibaraki play. The way the town center greets you upon leaving the rail gate struck me as incredible, as well as for how quiet it was. It was like walking onto a movie set. I did find the sweet shop after the play, and that was another painful interaction yet again. Oh well. Two quick stops down Tsukuba Express and one across from Tobu Urban Park line was enough to have a toe in Chiba, and I didn’t even need to leave the physical building of the train station to get to the basement level to find a machine for a play. Thank you, Kashiwa, you were great. Gunma is all that’s left. The descent from Tsukuba did take some earnest exertion, and after doing that the two stops, that put me back in Akihabara about when I anticipated; what I failed to anticipate is how much that place seems to drain on me. I think I just need to eat at an actual dinner time. Once I got back to Sugamo and had food it was a bit better, but while in Akihabara and being around that environment, and not finding things on a shopping list, I found myself just standing still and watching life pass me by. I hemmed and hawed a while for a maid girl’s hour of service for chitchat, but eventually I talked myself out of it because I just didn’t want potential trouble, just like her name. Komaru. I thought about doing this once just to say that I did, but I ultimately decided against it. You cannot go to this place with the expectation that you will find anything unless it is advertised and new. If you are looking for anything used, don’t count on it being there. You also cannot go there without having a strong resolve to not engage with the touts, because it becomes disheartening to see them do their job and blankly stare at the world when they're forced to stand out there and do nothing. Back to Sugamo to find a place that advertised Wagyu but the price they wanted was more than I wanted to spend. The ramen and seaweed & rice servings were fine, but they advertised endless drink and I didn’t receive that. All for $20? No, son. I did better than that elsewhere, I’ll know better now. Long day.
Day 6 - Tokyo Flea Market, Nakano Broadway, Ueno.
The weather couldn’t have been better for this weekend. I’ve read reports that the flea market held near the horse race track will be arbitrarily cancelled regardless of what is reported on the website, but my gut instinct told me that it would occur today, and it did. Turns out that a flea market is a flea market which is a flea market, no matter where it happens. Same allotment of clothes and stuff that few people really want to buy, although I was able to find myself some neckties at least. I probably overpaid based on what I saw later in the route, but that’s fine. They look nice. I settled on some shot glasses for a gift as well, but I’m surprised that I can’t ind something ornate that isn’t part of a sake set. Seated in the shade with a chocolate churro while rap music played in the background - it’s like I never left home. A woman came to sit across from me for the sake of sitting down; she was from Holland and today’s her last day in the country. Her husband came with food eventually. She had three weeks here and went to several places (allegedly, she didn’t list them out) and I asked her about Nakano Broadway. She didn’t make it there. It’s a good thing that I did - this is probably the kind of environment and market that people expect of Akihabara now, and maybe that’s how Aki was years ago, but it’s different from this. What’s more interesting is that Mandarake has a larger presence here than in Akihabara (so it seems to me), and their stores had floor after floor of any and every kind of pop culture product that’s been made in the past sixty years at least. Buttress that with extensive watch and jewelry stores and a slender arcade in the basement, and it’s a very well centralized microcosm of the country’s economy on the whole. I actually made a point to have dinner earlier than usual this time and found a place to serve some deep fried pork cuts served with rice and soup on the side. It was enough, and very well made. The day had not ended and my bag was heavy with several books purchased there, so I reported back to base briefly and decided to try visiting somewhere else, and settled on Ueno. Just as I arrived, a festival was underway where local teams of people made an elaborate show of carrying a home made shrine to a temple. Streets were officially blocked by police to allow the procession. In following the line I came up against makeshift food and amusement stands with the traditional toy gun shooting and goldfish catching. It appears that this is an official “start of summer” festival and I was able to watch it all happen in front of me. That was the good part of the day.
Day 7 - Tachikawa / Kunitachi. Shinjuku 2.
One of the games that I've never played is Beatmania III The Final. I've played some BM3 7th Mix years ago, but not The Final. I found a location that has one - World Game Circus in Tachikawa. In looking around that area before the trip, I saw that there was a nearby shinkansen museum, and not much else, so I figured that going to both places would make that walk worthwhile. Turns out that it wasn’t a museum in the proper sense of a dedicated building. Rather, it was a bullet train engine car on the side of a building that was unrelated, and that was it. A cute interaction happened here - when I approached the car, I heard some children running around inside, so I approached cautiously without knowing if I was encroaching upon someone else's alloted time or something. Once the children saw me, they gave a hearty irrashaimase as I entered, and the boy stamped a paper and presented it to me. Perfect. Despite it not being a typical musem, the card did have some interesting content, and it's good to see some kind of commemoration for their achievements and progression in that industry regardless. They have a lot to be proud about there. Off to WGC. Maps wasn’t lying about the walk taking twenty minutes. It's a good thing that I looked it up on streetview beforehand, because I otherwise would have walked right past it without knowing it was there. Then there it was, and there I confronted a past that I couldn’t visit again. Sure, I got to play BM3 The Final at last, but my timing was off, my hands were off, there wasn’t much I could do. Along with that I can say that I’ve played on a Beatmania II cabinet, and that was better than 5th Style at least. But that was it, that was all I could stand to do. It was right there and I couldn’t bear to put up with it more than a few rounds at best. Dream big, because only disappointment follows if your smaller dreams ever are fulfilled. I don’t know why finding IKEA back in Shinjuku was so difficult, but it took a while. I bought a bag, and then I bought a bag because the other bag was at the end of the register, which makes sense. I did feed myself before getting back to the Taito station to play some songs, but it still wasn’t good enough. All thumbs. Ended the day with laundry since the timing worked. Speaking of making dreams big, it’s time to cross another one off the list tomorrow. I can’t wait.
Day 8 - Takasaki, Gunma. Oomiya, Saitama 2.
It’s a good thing that I only needed to get to Ikebukuro to transfer over to the next stop, because that’s where that particular run ended for some reason. I wonder what was up. Speaking of things getting messed up on trains, I managed to find my way on a train that needed a separate ticket, which I didn't have. The conductor found me right away and had me disembark at Uraja for me to wait for the proper transfer. The weather forecast said there’d be rain, and the travel forecast said it would take two hours to get there, and neither lied. I feel like I had more people staring at me in Gunma than other places. I will say that I found the Takasaki station area to be rather charming, with the stores that it had inside and the emphasis on the music culture there. It’s one thing to offer a piano to the public to play, but it’s another to have a public willing to use it. This location had both. Having what was essentially a Bic Camera built into the facility was a nice touch too. The Leisure Land arcade was sandwiched between other floors that had its own offering of gaming stuff, so that was an unexpected bit of a fun thing to look through. The area was clean and sparsely populated, and it wasn’t picked clean of all matter of things that would normally get snapped up, so that was interesting. Finally, I made it over to the machine. They had separate fans for each location. I got the songs and then the medals came, and that’s that. Kantou Seiou. I would have stayed a bit longer but I wanted to have the medals show up right away, and my internet wasn’t cooperating, so that’s all I could do. I think there was an Internet cafe that I could have used in the facility, but I didn’t want to deal with an awkward conversation. I did get some Lawson on the way out, as well as some trinkets from the local Gunma-chan store as well as some mini croissants and some macademia cookie things. More vocal awkwardness. Omiya was one of the stops on the way back, and I found a place to serve omrice, so that’s another one off the list. No shoes allowed inside. The value wasn’t there but the service was good enough, as was the flavor. The machines with the 20G springs are indeed legit. Back home in time for some McDonalds, and that’s another food-checklist item marked off. Takoyaki mayo dipping sauce - somehow it’s both salty and sweet. While returning to the hotel, I did happen to encounter an argument amongst two teenaged locals where the guy ended up half-heartedly kicking the girl and getting her to cry. I wonder what their argument was about. I didn’t play hero, but someone else did so enough to prevent an escalation and called the police over.
Day 9 - Sugamo, Tokyo Sky Tree, Akihabara 3, Kanda
Up early enough to decide that I should at least visit the Sky Tree while I'm there just to say that I did, and that I should visit the Sugamo street market upon its open since it was right there in front of me. I'm glad to have done so. With everything open, this felt more like what one would think to expect from a flea market environment that's operated and supported by the local populace. Small stores were open both sides of the street that go on for many blocks, and some tents and tables were set up to sell second hand goods as well. I was able to find someone selling a US Morgan dollar and he wanted only 2000Y for it, so that was an easy buy. If I would have known better to anticipate this area, I wouldn't have felt compelled to buy kitchy tourist crap that is expected as gifts elsewhere. If you are looking for a place to idly shop around that doesn't get extremely crowded and has an authentic local feel to it, consider making a point to come here. Off to Sky Tree. Getting the combo ticket for the second deck was worth it just for the lack of crowds on the upper area. If you're going to come here, consider getting a phone selfie stick or something of the kind so that you can take pictures against the windows without the structure scaffolding obstructing your view. On the subject of shopping again, this might be another area to consider visiting just for the sake of the specialty stores to be found here, such as those for chopsticks or hairpins. To close out the day, my wife reminded me to look for something from the Square Enix cafe, so that meant swinging by Akihabara yet again. Since it is within a walkway, it was a bit of a pain to find this place even with using maps, but I eventually found it and got what she wanted to find. Played some IIDX at Game Panic, which was surprisingly small and the one machine that was avaialble to play had some 2P turntable issues, so that didn't last all that long. Dinner was at a nearby place that specalized in tofu, so that was a good ramen serving with that infused. For the evening, I wandered south to Kanda to get night pictures, and found it to feel pretty similar to Ueno.
Day 10 - Ginza, Tokyo, Kanda & Akihabara 4
Launrdry in the morning. I also wanted to say that I went to Ginza in my time here, and I didn't research anywhere to go to keep it a surprise. It was a bit warmer and sunnier than usual that day, and I stuck to the main road for most of the walk, so I can't say that I found too many points of the interest along the path that I walked starting from Yurakucho station and heading out that way. High class store for high class people, and that's too rich for my peasant blood. Similarly for Tokyo proper itself, I suppose I'd have to needed to wander far away from the Yamanote vicinity to find points of interest there, as I didn't encounter anything that was remarkably distinctive here in comparison to other areas that I have previously seen. Continuing north across Nihonbashi brought me to Kanda and eventually to Akihabara yet again, as if it was a magnet that pulled me inside every time. For the sake of trying a different place I chose to play some IIDX at the Leisure Land arcade there, and I'm glad to have done that, as those machines were probably in the best coniditon that I encountered within that area. Dinner was at Tenkaippin, which I didn't realize until after I placed the order was cash only. The clerk didn't request it beforehand but I voluntarily left my passport there to show that I would return, and promptly went to the same ATM that I had found days prior in order to get the cash to pay for the bill.
Day 11 - Haneda T3, Nishi Nippori, Nippori, Uguisuidani, Otsuka, Shibuya, Shinjuku, Ikebukruo, home.
The end. I resolved to take the subway over to Haneda today to get the one luggage over there and stored, and it’s a good thing that I did - there’s no easy solution for getting over there without encountering a crowd. If anything I wonder if Yamanote is actually better. Regardless, I got that much done. With the day left to go, I ventured to Nishi Nippori and I needed to summon the map several times to make sure I found the location, as it was as obscure as it could get. Just a sign on the ground for the third floor, a stairway that led to the back, an elevator that had no decoration, a single room that housed everything. Arcade PCB kits on shelves, joystick panels in exposed boxes, nicotine odor from years past - it was like I was transported to 1995 upon entry, beyond the fact that the games weren’t as old. Most of them, they did have a lot going for SF3 3rd yet. I was able to take care of some game business in a hurry since I was the only one there. It was a very pleasant respite for play in comparison to most of the other sessions. The region itself felt much the same as this arcade - old and well worn, as in well lived. Venturing south to Nippori led me to stumble upon a shrine and cemetery just by following some stairs. Usuigudani was cleaner but mostly had hotels as points of interest. Back home to buy some mochi while mochi was for sale in midday. Then to Otsuka, thinking that I would wander to Ikebukuro, but I ended up wandering back to Sugamo instead. Whoops. Meal at Sugamo, then back out to return to Shibuya and Shinjuku at night to catch evening shots, when I hadn’t done so before at these places. Good thing I did that to get Golden Gai area shots at night. With the night winding down, I decided to have one last IIDX play at Round 1 in Ikebukuro to symbolically end where I started.
Ending arcade comments
· Although the upkeep is generally better and more consistent than the US, some machines will have hardware issues here too. I was surprised by the blurriness with some of the LM IIDX machines.
· Densha De Go on the propert large cabinet is nice but quickly becomes very expensive.
· Bombergirl is OK enough and having the dedicated detonator button that pops up for hitting the base is a cute touch.
· Chase Chase Jokers feels rather clunky and I'm not sure what the game is trying to do. Interesting side screen concept at least.
· Nostalgia is delightful and would probably find a small fanbase worldwide if it had more exposure.
· Favorite IIDX locations are Taito Station in Oomiya for the light keys and Leisure Land Akihabara for the high quality of the LMs there. Honorable mention goes to the Game Versus loctation in Nishi Nihonbashi, but that might not be worth it for a dedicated trip unless you go there first thing in the morning.
Ending overall comments
This was a life altering trip for me, as would be expected. While I'm glad to have made the journey, as to be expected, I will only want to return after making an extensive redoubled effort into speaking and hearing comprehension, because I know that I came across like a blubbering idiot so many times, and it's truly aggravating because I generally know what I want to say and most of the words that are used to say it, but it just doesn't come out of my mouth properly when it needs to be done.
I welcome any questions you may have, as that will help for me to recall the memories and have me write them down.

Starting a few months ago, I took a hard look at myself and my behaviors and began to really put renewed effort into making some improvements in myself, for my wife and our marriage. We are 45m and 44f, married 20+ years, 3 kids together. One of the things I have been really working on is what I say (and don’t say) to her in person and over text messages. But now that I have been doing this for several months, I am starting to question if this is a loving thing I’m doing, or if I’m just not being my real self in order to manipulate what she thinks of me and how she feels about me. I can tell you that my intent is to show her I can make improvements in myself, to have her love me and be happy with me and respect me even more than she currently does. There’s not really a deficiency in those feelings from her. I just want to make us even stronger and better together, and I think it starts with me and my actions
I like to think I am still being me, but just a better version of me. A version she can love even more and be proud of even more. But sometimes I have doubts that I’m being too purposeful — that’s I’m manipulating too much. I listed a few examples below. I am probably just overthinking my new approach, but anyway, I just wanted to share I guess. If anyone has any insight or advice here, please let me know. Thank you for reading this post.
— Recently I’m driving solo to my doctor’s appt and my mind is wandering and I totally miss my exit on the turnpike. And it is kind of a rural area so next exit is like 5 miles further. I was going to be like 5 or 10 minutes early, but now I’m going to be late. So I’m pretty mad at myself. [OLD ME: I would’ve arrived to the doctor and then texted her and shared with her that I missed the exit and how I was mad at myself and how it was very frustrating that I keep doing this dumb stuff]. [WHAT I DID: I didn’t mention it at all to her. I figured what was the point of bringing my negativity and anger to her and basically looking for her to comfort me? And why let her know I made another silly mistake? Nothing for me or her to gain with those actions from me].
— We have a small dog that she loves and this dog really loves her. I love him too, but my wife is enamored with him. He gets 1 or 2 walks a day around our neighborhood. Usually it’s me that does the walks. [OLD ME: I would always tell her (or announce to the house where she would hear too) that I was taking him on a walk, I guess so people knew where I was and so I could kind of get “points” and recognition in my wife’s eyes for taking care of his walks]. [WHAT I DO NOW: When I realize it’s time to walk him or when he just has extra energy and needs one, I just grab his leash and take him, I basically don’t say anything. If my wife happens to notice, I just smile or say “Be back soon” and I take care of it. I figure if anyone needs to know where I am they can look me up on my Apple Watch family sharing. And my wife knows I walk him several times a day, so me announcing it is kinda more data she doesn’t need and kind of me looking for appreciation for a task that just needs done, and that I know she already appreciates me doing].
— I rarely text her anymore about my feelings or emotions on stuff, or when trying to be extra lovely or sexy about stuff. With some advice from others, I kind of figured out that my efforts weren’t translating well over text to her — that the stuff I was sharing and sending wasn’t having the desired effect. So now I still share most of that stuff with her, but I wait til I get home so she can see and understand in person (and see my true emotions, body language, etc) for what I wanted to share with her, and for her to get the full range and details of the story. And for the lovey & sexy stuff — I just concluded that she definitely knows I love her and am attracted to her and think she’s crazy sexy —- since she wasn’t really interacting with my text message attempts to tell her this, I save that stuff too for later and I tell her and show her how I feel when I get home and see her in person.
— I wore the wrong shoes to work on a project at my mom’s house — Crocs instead of closed-toe shoes — which made the job marginally more unsafe. [OLD ME: I would’ve told her when I got home how to had the wrong shoes and how I’m glad nothing happened and some of the things that could’ve happened because of my mistake]. [WHAT I DID: I didn’t mention it to her at al. I was fine, nothing happened. And now it’s definitely in my mind to pick the correct shoes next time. What good is it to tell her that stuff and maybe worry her of what could’ve happened? Or to let her know I was forgetful again and because of that put myself in a small amount of danger?].

JAPAN
12 April 1946 – surrender of Japan, brief premiership of Naruhiko Higashikuni (14 April to 9 June 1946), followed by Kijūrō Shidehara. Occupation mostly carried by US troops, but also Commonwealth zone (UK, Australia, Canada and New Zealand), led by Douglas MacArthur as the SCAP (Supreme Commander for the Allied Powers)
Situation is even way worse than in our reality thanks to all the destruction. First effort is gíve relief to the starving population. Even greater than in our reality are efforts to remove Hirohito (and it is impossible to imagine for the most of Allied leaders including Truman and Churchill to keep him on the throne after this brutal invasion), and despite opposition of MacArthur, Allies force the emperor to abdicate (and renounce divine status) in favour of regency headed by Takahito, (27 July 1946), when Akihito comes to age, he would become the Emperor. Hirohito’s abdication marks the beginning of Seika era, era of Emperor Akihito.
Hirohito is still given all possible protections against any trials for war crimes by MacArthur and is basically sent to comfortable retirement. Institution of monarchy is protected by Allies. Through 1946-1947 many westernisation reforms by MacArthur, based largely on FDR’s New Deal, as in our reality. April-May, political prisoners were released, and Communist Party of Japan was legalised and became politically active organising strikes. 10 February 1947 the first election with women suffrage, victory of Democratic Liberal Party headed by war criminal Hatoyama, who was eventually purged by Allied administration, so Shigeru Yoshida became new prime minister (22 March 1947).
By mid-1947 many officials connected to war crimes were purged, however since then, the course was reversed due to American need for the creation of a powerful Ally against the USSR and many regained power or at least avoided persecution. Through 1947 Americans wrote a new Japanese constitution (later in American myths it was MacArthur completely by himself), 3 August 1947 it was presented. Major shift from our reality is that Article 9, although considered, is not included in such sense as in our reality, it states only that “Aspiring sincerely to an international peace based on justice and order, the Japanese people forever renounce war as a sovereign right of the nation and the threat or use of force as means of settling international disputes” second part about demilitarisation is missing. Since summer 1947, US authorities adopt “Reverse Course” policies - aforementioned rehabilitation of officials, also protection of Zaibatsu (which Americans originally wanted to break-up and weaken), and reconstruction. Tokyo Trials 26 September 1946 to 12 January 1950 – MacArthur’s cover up of Japanese war crimes to a lesser extent, but it still does happen (including Unit 731). Taft also, like in Germany, attacks trials as “victor's justice”. From 25 December to 31 1950 Khabarovsk war crimes trials in the USSR about war criminals from Manchuria.
Persecution of growing Japanese communist movement starts. 1948-1951 “Red Purge”. Since March 1949 Dodge Line plan of right-wing economic reforms (cutting public spending, limiting public consumption, and reorienting industrial production in favour of export-oriented), also increase in unemployment and law against unions passed. In 1949 conflicts between communists and authorities escalated into many strikes, pro-communist politicians and officials began to be fired, after summer strike waves also purges of workers and academics. 1 July 1949 Japanese Self-Defence forces established – official remilitarisation. 23 October 1949 election, victory of DLP, electoral success of communists.
Peace Treaty with Japan
President Taft was eager to restore Japanese Independence – SCAP already transferred large amount of authority to Japanese trough 1949, secretary of the state William Richards Castle Jr took initiative. Despite Taft’s initial opposition to idea of continuous military presence, he is persuaded to keep limited number of stationed troops. Peace Treaty with Japan was scheduled after Treaty with Germany. Talks began in August 1950, however talks collapsed over China, despite at the time everyone recognised KMT, Soviets wanted PRC representatives to also attend. Other negotiations were called for January 1951, which resulted into calling for a Peace Conference with Japan in San Francisco analogous to the previous one with Germany. 6 March to 8 August 1951 San Francisco Conference, USSR and its allies boycotted them due to not including Chinese representatives. Despite Chinese and Soviets not being present, their interests were considered. Taiwan was ceded to China, Sakhalin, and Kuril Islands to USSR, unlike OTL Okinawa and more territories were already given back to Japan. Treaty was signed 8 August 1951, valid since 8 March 1952. Separate peace treaties were signed between Japan and ROC (30 January 1953), the Soviet Union and Korea “Vladivostok Treaties” 28 April 1952, these treaties recognised Soviet control over former Japanese territories and entitled Japan to pay reparations to Korea.
8 September 1951 U.S.-Japan Security Treaty was signed, which dictated Japan to accept continuous American military presence. This treaty caused a wave of resistance in Japan, uniting Japanese from right to left. Bloody May Day – over a million protestors in all of Japan, in Tokyo these protests escalated into violence and protests were massacred by police. 1 October 1952 election victory of Yoshida’s Liberal Party. 10 November 1952 coronation ceremony of Emperor Akihito, it marks symbolic beginning of new post-war Japan.
Philippines – 4 July 1947 United States gave official independence to Philippines and retained there many military bases (agreement from 1946 establishes bases for 99 years!) and the US still keeps a degree of political and economic dominance. 28 June 1946 Manuel Roxas became president of Philippines (still under US control then), communists were expelled from Congress despite being democratically elected – Hukbalahap Rebellion resumes (June 1946) and gained substantial strength, United States interferes and supports the government. On 15 April 1948 Roxas died of a heart attack; he was succeeded by vice-president Elpidio Quirino (re-elected in a fraudulent election 8 November 1949). Since the Taft Presidency, interests of Americans in Philippine affairs decreased, aid against Huks drained. President Quirino initiated major social reforms during his second term and attempted mostly useful land reform. 1950-1951 Huks successfully boosted their strength with seizing and keeping control over the centre of Laguna province – Santa Cruz. In 1952 Huks controlled sizable parts of the country and due to government corruption and brutality against rebels had also popular support. In 1951 they started to obtain massive support from China (from 1948 they were also backed by Korea).
Indonesia
Independence
As Japan surrendered, two days later on 14 April 1946 Indonesia (then with its majority under Japanese control) Indonesia declared independence, Sukarno became president and Hatta vice-president. Indonesians took advantage of the lack of established authority. Indonesia was occupied by Commonwealth forces (started in late May 1946). 27 June to 20 July 1946 a large battle between Indonesian and British forces – Battle of Surabaya, under significant losses results into a British victory. Churchill wanted to restore Dutch colonial rule and was ready to back them.
Important is Dutch reaction, Dutch government at the time was coalition between all parties formed after liberation by the Red Army in September 1945 (in wikibox there is 1946, another mistake overlook until I needed that), all parties with exception of CPN supported re-conquest of Indonesia, while communists wanted to grand them independence. CPN is vigorously opposed to continued colonisation and due to CPN securing second place in 1946 election and to lesser degree Soviet pressure on Dutch to recognise Indonesia, talks began in February 1947. Coincidentally with the December 1946 election there was a Malino Conference in which representatives of Dutch controlled territory backed the plan for creation of Dutch aligned federal states. 15 February 1947 Linggadjati Round Table Agreement is signed, in which Netherlands recognises Indonesian Republic controlled territory and both sides agree on formation of the Federal Republic of Indonesia (Republic, East Indonesia and Kalimantan) by 1 January 1948, FRI would newly formed Netherlands-Indonesian Union with the Dutch monarch as head. Similar agreement was reached in our reality but failed. In this timeline everything goes through, despite the fall of the Dutch coalition in summer 1947.
Federation
First Indonesian prime minister under Sutan Sjahrir (April to 3 December 1946), replaced by Amir Sjarifuddin, his cabinet included leftist forces, eventually even communists, who were instrumental in making agreement with the Netherlands (as part of the Dutch coalition were also communist negotiators). This cabinet stayed in power, avoiding real life events of the Madiun Affair. New government headed by Mohammad Hatta was formed after the creation of the federal republic. Creation of this republic was met with criticism from Islamists, who launched the Darul Islam rebellion led by Sekarmadji Maridjan Kartosoewirjo (7 August 1948). Overall, young Indonesia was a very unstable country. Anti-unitary forces attempted a failed coup in January 1950. Federation was not popular among Indonesians, so it was quickly dissolved and replaced with a unitary republic (14 April 1950). The Republic of South Maluku attempted to break away with Dutch support, however failed to do so.
Liberal Democratic Period (to 1952)
Newly declared Indonesian republic adopted its constitution and became a free parliamentary democracy. First government was a leftwing one again under Sjarifuddin, however eventually collapsed due to Indonesian National Party (12 October 1950, replaced by cabinet of Mohammad Natsir), but this government managed to pass electoral law, so first Indonesian legislative elections were held (29 September 1951), lot of parties ran and get seats – four largest were PNI (left wing nationalism), Masyumi (liberal Islamism), Nahdlatul Ulama (Islamism), PKI (communists) and PSI- Parsi (democratic socialism). Result was a right leaning coalition under Sidik Djojosukarto (PNI- Masyumi and several minor parties), in 1952 Indonesia officially left “Union” with Netherlands.
British Malaya
1 November 1946 British colonies were united into the “Malayan Union”, strengthening and centralising British control, stripping local sultans of their powers. This created another opposition movement under nationalist United Malays National Organisation, they applied massive resistance and did not participate in British institutions. Unlike OTL, during the Churchill years, there was no reform. In 1952 (1 February) it was transformed due to this massive and long resistance (and also due to large scale communist uprising) to Federation of Malaya, attempting to appease at least conservative nationalists.
Anti–British National Liberation War (early years)
Postwar economic turmoil, powerful communist organisation, brutal response of colonial authorities to strikers. Malaya was a key British source of resources, to pay for US debts (even way more rising in importance after Taft). 17 June 1948 Sungai Siput incident – revenge killing of plantation managers lead to massive British anti-communist arrests, and communists went into hiding. Also, the uprising in Burma (1947) also plays a role as another new motivation. February 1949 Malayan National Liberation Army under Chin Peng is formed (reformed from anti-Japanese resistance movement), MNLA has support of the population and is based in jungles and areas very hard to access for colonialists. Britain imposes very harsh repression against the population, leading to even more widespread support for MNLA. April 1950 “Briggs Plan” adopted forced deportations of ethnic Chinese to camps (up to half million people). The UK also uses Agent Orange (as the first country in the World), murders and tortures countless civilians, and destroys villages.
6 October 1951 British High Commissioner Henry Gurney survives MNLA ambush, this is actually damaging to the British as his replacement Gerald Templer was more competent in fighting with partisans. British forces are aided by other commonwealth nations. By 1953 the UK had problems dealing with communists and communists were stronger compared to our reality.
British Sarawak, North Borneo, Brunei
These territories were separated from Malaya in 1946. This was opposed by Malays but supported by the Chinese. Resistance by Malays culminated in assassination of Duncan Stewart. Small communist rebellion also started.
Thailand – After the war in June 1946 king Ananda Mahidol (Rama VIII) returned back to Thailand, however, was found shot dead on 26 March 1947 his death was blamed on prime minister Pridi Banomyong, who was forced to resign being replaced by Luang Thamrong.
In 1946 Thailand had to return territories to France. The 20 October 1946 election resulted in the victory of the People's Party, the first government was formed by Khuang Aphaiwong, he was however replaced by Pridi Banomyong after a lost vote of confidence (6 January 1947). Pridi was supportive of Vietnamese Independence, so he ended up being overthrown in a US backed coup (8 November 1947), this coup brough Plaek Pibulsonggram back to power. Military allied with royalists and Khuang Aphaiwong was appointed prime minister. New constitution gave back powers to Monarchythat were decreased in the 1932 revolution. To counter the power of royalist military and Pridi allied supporters, another coup was carried out on 6 April 1948, fully returning Plaek to power; he eventually secured power and foced Pridi into exile. Plaek attempted to fully secure power and destroy opposition, but due to lack of US support since 1949, he was eventually ousted by Pridi and his supporters (11 February 1949). New Direk Jayanama-led left-wing democratic government, managed to secure limited support of USSR and larger one of China (but also Britain due to their previous alliance with Allies) and tried to adopt non alignment foreign political stance. Internal political reforms – reduced power of monarchy, new legislature (in June 1950 democratic election), thanks popular policy of land reform government gained widespread support from the rural population. 29 November 1951 anti-Pridi parts of the military attempted a coup against him as returned from exile Plaek Phibunsongkhram, but eventually failed and Plaek was banished. In 1952 the government turned against conservative royalists and attempted to even further weaken the monarchy.
Vietnam
March Revolution 16 March to 15 April, Abdication of Emperor Bảo Đại (already before surrender of Japan because of fears of French invasion) -> creation of Vietnamese Democratic Republic. In late April North Vietnam was occupied by Chinese forces to accept the surrender of the Japanese. In March also general Leclerc arrives. Fontainebleau Agreements in mid-1946 between Vietnam and France, Vietnam as part of the French Union. With the return of France (November 1946) fighting erupted, war erupted in March 1947. By October France took over main population centres.To increase French support, State of Vietnam was created under emperor Bao Dai (2 August 1949) In 1950 Vietnam recognised by the soviet bloc. Same year the UK recognised the State of Vietnam. In late 1950 Viet Minh launched a successful offensive. In January 1951 de Tassigny was appointed to command, under his leadership France had limited military success. Hower financing the war became a major problem around this time. In March 1951 Viet Minh won in the crucial battle of Vĩnh Yên (17 March) and Viet Minh got close to Hanoi, but the French eventually managed to hold the city after heavy losses.
Change came in 1952 from Paris, talks started in February and eventually ceasefire was declared (28 February). Paris Conference – France officially recognised Democratic Republic of Vietnam, State of Vietnam was not invited as France and DRV both agreed that it was French colony (this was heavily criticised). End of war was also connected with referendum about future of Vietnam, if people support State of Vietnam in union with France or DRV. Referendum was held 14 June 1952 and resulted into landslide victory for Vietminh. Emperor abdicates and State of Vietnam dissolves, but some members of its military continue to resist DRV.
Newly independent Vietnam became a key ally for all of the socialist bloc in Asia and supported anti-colonial movements. In 1952 land reform began – often turned violent with execution of landlords. In 1953 the first five-year plan was launched, focusing on developing the country.
Laos – After the defeat of Japanese anti-colonial Lao Issara emerged. Lao monarch king Sisavang Vong however agreed with restoration of the French protectorate, Lao Issara with aid from China and Viet Minh attempted to resist re-imposition of French rule, however movement was weak and failed to do so and eventually dissolved itself in 1949. In January 1947 an agreement was signed that pledged France to give Laos autonomy inside the French Union. 1950 – Pathet Lao is formed and joins Viet Minh against French forces. In 1952 French officially withdrew from the country.
Cambodia – In 1946 king Norodom Sihanouk attempted to negotiate independence with the French, December 1946 election was held that resulted in victory of the left-wing Democratic party over conservative Liberal party. 23 October 1947 Democratic party dominated assembly passed a constitution modelled on the French one. After the death of Democratic party founder Sisowath Yuthevong, the party divided itself and cannot agree on a concrete program. In 1948 Cambodia was given autonomy by the French. After independence in April 1952, Democratic Party was largely boosted by this success. This avoided the fall of parliamentary democracy.
Ceylon (Sri Lanka)– Sri Lankan leaders led by Don Stephen Senanayake attempted to reach independence through negotiations. However, negotiations with secretary of colonies Oliver Stanley led only to self-governance and the British initially rejected granting Ceylon status of dominion. On 24 September 1947 Senanayake became the first prime minister of the newly formed Ceylonese government. In 1948 granting Dominion status to India led to demonstrations in Ceylon, Senanayake increased his pressure towards Britain. Eventually Ceylon was given the same status as India and Pakistan 4 February 1949. The Senanayake family had a lot of power, after the death of Senanayake (26 March 1952) his son Dudley was chosen by the British governor.
OCEANIA AND AMERICAS (Basically restating history with occasional minor changes, brief)
Australia – 5 July 1945 death of prime minister John Curtin, he was succeeded by Frank Forde until Labour elected Ben Chifley as its new leader. 28 October 1946 Labour government was re-elected against the emerging Liberal Party. His government was characterised by successful Keynesian social democratic politics, similar to later Attlee in UK, (social welfare, universal healthcare – in real life modelled after British one, this timeline it is vice versa, ie. The Chifley government serves as an example for Attlee elected in 1951) starting Australian postwar economic growth. Australia also supports migration to increase its population (Europeans due to the still existing “White Australia” policy). Left-wing policies, such as nationalisations, created opposition from capitalists and their conservative affiliates in politics and media. Criticism also comes from the left due to the government's anti-communism and breaking of strikes. 10 December 1949 Liberal prime minister Robert Menzies was elected. Anti-communism, in 1950 Communist party was banned, it was ruled unconstitutional. 28 April 1951 a new election, triggered the failure of the banking bill, still a victory for Liberals, however they weakened themselves with this move. In 1951 Menzies declared a referendum about banning communist parties and this timeline people agreed, leading to persecution of many communists, it was criticised as a major attack on freedom of political expression. Red Scare was similar to the US at the time, but pushed by Menzies' government. Liberal economic policies, this time taking inspiration from Taft.
New Zealand – 27 November 1946 election, victory of ruling Labour Party, Labour declined and lost popularity due to continuous post-war rationing and Fraser’s support for compulsory military service. 30 November 1949 National Party led by Sidney Holland was elected. The Legislation was changed from bicameral to unicameral, economic reforms, however the National government still supported the welfare state. Conflict with Unions, culminating into the waterfront dispute of 1951, the government responded harshly against workers with strong anti-union legislation, even outright criminalising support for them. 11 July 1951 the government was re-elected and gained more seats as a large part of the public supported their stance against workers, due to widespread anti-communism.
Oceania – “Trust Territory of the Pacific Islands” established in 1948 was originally controlled by the USA as OTL, but eventually transferred to the United Kingdom in 1950, as the US was not interested in its administration.
Canada – economic boom, social welfare Keynesian economic policies. 20 May 1946 first postwar election, victory of Liberals, however failed to obtain majority and had to rely on leftwing Co-operative Commonwealth, resulting in Canada building the strongest welfare state from Commonwealth states and becoming the most progressive one (and also becoming a major destination for European immigrants). On 15 November 1948 King retired and was succeeded by Louis St. Laurent, a French Canadian strongly opposed to communism. Due to this anti-communist however the ruling coalition collapsed, triggering snap election on 27 June 1949, which resulted in victory of Liberals, who yet again could form government without making coalitions. Shortly before the election, 31 March 1949 Canada united with NewFoundland. Canada took an important role while the US was absent in TATO.
Mexico – 1 December 1946 Miguel Alemán Valdés became president. Pro-business policies and industrialisation, development of infrastructure (dubbed Mexican miracle), however also corruption and elitism. Pro-American foreign policy. 1 December 1952 he was succeeded by Adolfo Ruiz Cortines, he was popular due to his strong stance against corruption and rapid economic development.
Guatemala – In 1944 the country was ruled by dictator Jorge Ubico, who was overthrown by a junta that was overthrown in a popular revolution (20 October 1944), 15 March 1945 Juan José Arévalo became the country's first democratically elected president, who introduced many reforms. He developed the political ideology of Arevalismo "spiritual socialism" -it can be considered a form of democratic socialism. 12 November 1950 Jacobo Árbenz was elected president, he continued the policies of Arévalo and was even more ambitious with his democratic socialist reforms. Largest one was Land Reform (17 June 1952) which greatly benefited hundred of thousands poor Guatemalan people especially indigenous ones, however made very angry American United Fruit Company that controlled majority of land and basically country itself, UFC began to lobby for his overthrown...
British Honduras – Rise of voice for independence and People's United Party
Honduras – Rule of pro American dictator Tiburcio Carías Andino, unlike OTL he did not gave power to his puppets and continued to rule the country directly. Rise of discounted with his regime, even greater due any reforms instituted by his successor Juan Manuel Gálvez were not passed.
El Salvador – Authoritarian rule of Salvador Castaneda Castro (1945-1948), suppression of strikes and opposition, eventually he was deposed by military coup (14.12.1948), after rule of military, Óscar Osorio was appointed president (14.9.1950), he instituted some social reforms, but continued corrupt regime and persecution of opposition.
Nicaragua – Dictatorial rule of pro-American Somoza dynasty. 1947-1950 figurehead presidency of Leonardo Argüello Barreto (after Truman’s pressure for liberalisation).
Costa Rica – 12 March – 24 April 1948 civil war, after an attempt to annul victory of opposition candidate José Figueres Ferrer in election, it ultimately led to victory of rebels with US help. José Figueres Ferrer became provisional president. and pushed many important reforms: abolished the military, gave women suffrage, welfare, nationalisations of banks and also outlawed communist party. 1949-1953 presidency of Otilio Ulate Blanco that upheld these reforms.
Panama – pro-American parliamentary democracy dominated by oligarchy.
Colombia – 9 April 1948 popular democratic socialist presidential candidate of the Liberal Party Jorge Eliécer Gaitán was assassinated. This triggered the “La Violencia” (1948-1958) period of massive unrest between the left and the right, over 200 000 died, at the start of the Colombian conflict. On 9 November 1949 Liberal opposition attempted to impeach president Ospina Pérez, he dissolved Congress, creating a presidential dictatorship. Liberal leaders launched an uprising in rural areas (originally it was intended to be a military coup, that however in real life did not take place and here took place and failed). 7 August 1950 new Conservative dictatorial president Laureano Gómez Castro, admirer of Franco, suffered a major heart attack and power was transferred to Roberto Urdaneta Arbeláez in 1951.
Venezuela – 18 October 1945 military coup that brought democracy to Venezuela (October 1946 and December 1947 democratic elections) under president Rómulo Betancourt. The 1940s economy also boomed thanks to oil. However, on 24 November 1948, the military staged a coup and Marcos Pérez Jiménez became dictator, under his oppressive regime there was great economic development, and he was close to the US.
Ecuador – President José María Velasco Ibarra was ousted in military coup (23 August 1947), 1947-1948 unstable country was ruled by military Carlos Mancheno Cajas, eventually military gave power to former vice-president Mariano Suárez Veintimilla, who gave his powers to Congress that elected Carlos Julio Arosemena Tola (31 August 1947). His presidency was strongly allied with the United States. 1 September 1948 Galo Plaza, another strongly pro-American figure, became the next president. He supported technocratic approach, democracy and was very open to foreign (mostly American) influence, exporting bananas to America. 1 June 1952 José María Velasco Ibarra (former deposed president, established politician and Ecuadorian nationalist) won election and became president for third term, his term was stable and brought progress, mostly in great development of infrastructure.
Brazil – Fourth Brazilian Republic, president Eurico Gaspar Dutra (1946-1951). Close relations with the US, liberal economic policy. 31 January 1951 Vargas returned after victory in the 3 October 1950 election. Keynesian economic policy, 1953 creation of PETROBRAS. Rua Tonelero shooting an assassination attempt on leading opposition member Carlos Lacerda (5August 1954) blamed on Vargas by opposition in a strong campaign, 24 August 1954 he committed suicide.
Perú – 1945 leftwing president José Luis Bustamante y Rivero, restoration of democracy. 29 October 1948 military seized power in a coup after murder of a prominent right-wing editor. Manuel Odría's regime strongly persecuted leftwing APRA, supported powerful oligarchy and gained favour of people thanks to populist rhetoric and policies.
Bolivia – 1947 to 1949 rule of Enrique Hertzog, conservative American aligned government. Economy in a terrible state, social unrest and intensified class struggle. Dominant opposition group was Nationalist Revolutionary Movement (MRN) with a program of nationalisations and land reform. Next president Mamerto Urriolagoitía installed military rule (16 May 1951) under Hugo Ballivián. 9 April 1952 Bolivian National Revolution overthrew the junta. Víctor Paz Estenssoro became president. Many left-wing and democratic reforms transformed the country: universal suffrage, nationalisation of mining, large land reform (however created farms were eventually again taken over by large landowners), great influence of trade unions and workers.
Paraguay – Dictator Higinio Morínigo was pushed by the US to liberalise his regime, he legalised political parties and formed a coalition between Colorado and Febreristas. Later ones resigned from the government (11 January 1947) and united with opposition forces (Liberals and Communists) and attempted to topple his regime starting a civil war (7 March – 20 August 1947), despite opposition having popular support, and the government was saved by the US and Argentina. All parties with exception of Colorado were banned and the country became one party state. 16 August 1948 leader of Colorado Juan Natalicio González was elected president. He promoted nationalist policies; several American companies were nationalised. Due to American non-interventionism, three attempted coups against the president failed due to lack of any outside support. In other ways Paraguay was a stable country during his presidency.
Uruguay – functioning democracy, dominance of liberal Colorado party. Presidents: Juan José de Amézaga (1943-1947) – social reforms, economic stability and growth. Tomás Berreta (1947) died in office, Luis Batlle Berres (1947-1951) continued social and leftwing economic reforms.
Chile – Democratic presidential republic. September 1946 presidential election, Gabriel González Videla (Radical) elected. During his presidency many communist strikes, under US pressure Videla passed “Permanent Defense of Democracy Law” (8.9.1948) that banned the communist party, many imprisoned, strikes brutally suppressed, relations with socialist bloc broken. Radicals created alliance with Liberals and Conservatives. 4 September 1952 resulted in the victory of former president nationalist general Carlos Ibáñez del Campo. He repealed the ban on communists and also gained support from the left.
Argentina – Peron and Peronism. Nationalism, populism, social welfare, improvement of working conditions, development of local industry, growing power of the trade unions, authoritarian rule and persecution of opposition etc. Non-aligned foreign policy stance. 26 July 1952 death of Eva Peron.
Cuba – Presidents Ramón Grau (44-48) and Carlos Prío Socarrás (48-52) of left-wing nationalist Partido Auténtico. 10.3.1952 democracy overthrown by Batista’s coup. Pro-American authoritarian regime, serving interests of American elites owning majority of the county.
Haiti – 1946 revolution (11.1) – military seized power and new National Assembly was elected, Dumarsais Estimé became president (16 August 1946 to 10 May 1950), attempts of reforms, focused on expanding education, expansion of worker’s rights, creation of social security system (no passed), major nationalisations. His presidency was marked by growth and economic development. In foreign policy he was allied towards the US. After he tried to extend his time in office, he was removed by the military. General Paul Magloire became new president, he was elected president in 1950 first direct election.
Dominican Republic – Totalitarian far-right dictatorship of Rafael Trujillo. Ally of the US.
INDEPENDENT STATES IN AFRICA
Ethiopia – Emperor Haile Selassie. 15 September 1952 Federation Between Ethiopia and Eritrea formed.
Liberia – US aligned. President William Tubman (1944-1971), stable period.
South Africa – 26 May 1948 Reunited National Party won election. Daniël François Malan became prime minister, 1948-1953 apartheid instituted.
Colonial Africa would be addressed in the next part (since there aren’t too much events 1946-1952, 1953 to 1956 is extremely eventful on the other hand) North Africa covered in another post

I don’t know if I’m (29f) still in love with my husband (32m). This is long so bear with me. We have been together for 10 years, married for 5. We have 2 little kids, 3yrs and 1 yr old. We both work M-F full time. Lately I have just felt nothing for my husband, I love him but I don’t think I’m in love with him. On paper he is perfect, he’s a great dad, good husband, family man, hard working, cooks most of the meals, helps clean, the list goes on. He constantly tells me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am. That is why I am struggling so much with this. He has gained about 50 pounds or so since we’ve gotten married. He’s shorter so it makes quite a difference. I feel extremely shallow and like an asshole admitting this but it has greatly affected my attraction to him. I don’t find him attractive at all anymore. It’s gotten to the point I even try to avoid kissing him. I feel like we lack an emotional connection too. We only really talk about the kids, work, surface level things. We really don’t have deep meaningful conversations. Our sex life is fine, usually a few times a week. Sometimes I’m not in the mood and have to force myself to do it but once we get going I’m into it. I’ve heard that marriages can have seasons, some tougher than others. I’m hoping that’s just what I’m going through right now. I don’t want to break up the beautiful family we created. He is my best friend and is there for me no questions asked. I guess I’m just struggling to figure out if this is just a tough season or if this is just how I’ll always feel about him now. We are in the thick of it with 2 small kids, both of us working full time, we don’t really ever get any “us” time. My mom is really our only babysitter, and money is tight with 2 kids in daycare full time. We basically work to pay our mortgage and daycare. When we do have date nights or alone time we have a good time together. But I find myself getting the ick with the stupidest things, like the way he chews or the way he talks. I’m so mad at myself for feeling like this. I made a list of what I would like in a man and he is all of them except the physical aspects. I’m afraid I’m having a “grass is greener” mentality when I know very well I could leave this marriage and find someone who doesn’t do for us what he does or treats me like shit. We bicker a lot, not huge fights, just over small things. It’s usually always me who starts it. When my daughter was born I definitely went through some PPD. I’m 18 months PP now and idk if it’s possible to still be going through it. I get annoyed and agitated really easily even with my kids. Things came to a head last night and I told him everything about how I am feeling, he was completely devastated, rightfully so. He said I am who he wants to grow old with, we made vows to each other and we can work on everything. That he just won’t give up and let me go. This morning we made a plan to hopefully make things better. We are going to purposefully have more meaningful conversations, put the phones down and tv off after the kids go to bed so we can talk. I suggested going to see a marriage counselor which he agreed to, but since money is tight right now we are going to try to work on things ourselves first and if that doesn’t seem to help then we will try counseling. I don’t know what I’m looking for by posting this. I guess maybe other people who have felt like this and have gotten through it, gotten through a hard season and come out stronger. Or maybe people who have felt like this but had a different outcome. I just feel lost. I don’t want to be in loveless marriage forever, and that’s not fair to him either. But I also don’t just want to walk away. Ugh.

Hi, I know some of you have been interested in Joost’s written stuff, so this is one of them. It’s a short story that Joost wrote for Boekenweek voor Jongeren (Book Week for Young People) in 2019. There’s more info about it here (in Dutch) https://www.vice.com/nl/article/qvgzpv/joost-klein-schreef-een-kort-verhaal-over-een-wilde-nacht-in-berlijn and there was also this promo video for it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx7wxnpxps0. It's been translated from Dutch - maybe not the most perfect translation but it's readable. Original in Dutch here. Enjoy

"How come he suddenly has cash?" I looked at Gurb, but he avoided my gaze. Louis never had money and yet he was buying another round. Meanwhile, a Moby song was playing and nothing made sense. "If he has money for drinks, he can surely pay me back, right?"
Just a few hours ago, I was alone in Berlin. Now, ten hours later, I'm standing in some obscure techno club with my best friends. Loud rock music with drunken shouting. "Hey, Miss Murder, can I make beauty stay if I take my life?" I woke up that day with a mild hangover from the lonely yet people-filled night before. Perfect conditions for a 20-year-old dropout.
The Hard Rock Café was the most beautifully ugly place in Berlin. Gurb had driven for seven hours straight in his mother's car, but we didn't notice. An iconic black Mini Cooper. Your body leads your mind, the beat never stops, and you can conquer the world. Louis threw in another crazy dance move. We were happy.
"Do you want another drink, brother?" Gurb asked me, half shouting. An evening filled with rhetorical questions. He saw me dancing and already knew the answer.
Gurb always had money. Louis, on the other hand, never did. Louis was also the youngest of us three. He had just turned 18. I wouldn't call him a cunning fox. More like a jack-of-all-trades. Like the time he made a lot of money on a Wadden Island with a group of boys. They sold large blocks of hash.
"Crazy dude!" I shouted at him. He yelled something back.
"Do you remember back then?" Louis said.
"Back then? Back then? Yeah man, of course!" I had no idea what he meant. "Do you mean the party?"
"Do you mean the party, he says! This guy. When I look at you like this, it makes me happy. The exact same kid is here letting loose just like back in high school!"
We knew each other from secondary school. He joined when I was in the second grade. He was very intelligent. Too young, too much knowledge of the world. His mother is from Brazil. We often went to his mother's place to play on the Playstation Louis and I had bought together.
I lived everywhere at that time. In the crisis shelter where I stayed for a while, for example, I wasn't allowed to have a Playstation. So we set it up in an accessible place, near school. It was always fun with Louis. Going together to the Apple Store. Taking all kinds of photos with all the webcams, posting them on Hyves, and then leaving. Louis always knew how to cheer me up.
"Aaaaaaaaaa!" There was Gurb with five drinks in his hands. Gurb was wearing a blue checkered shirt. Two buttons undone. Hair slicked back. "You look good, brother!"
"You look fresh too! We all look fresh!" Gurb said enthusiastically. Louis was wearing a completely white outfit. We quickly bought this before going out. He also bleached his hair.
"You look like the Brazilian cousin of James Dean in these clothes," I said. Louis laughed. "Let me take a picture."
Suddenly, the DJ switched to some kind of techno. "Ah, here Berlin briefly takes off its mask." I was fine with it all. Louis was talking to a lady.
Voluptuous breasts, I thought to myself. He gave her one of his two drinks.
"He's with a girl and he's thinking with his dick," I said to Gurb. "Let him be, tonight Berlin is ours!"
The bass kept pounding. "I simply don't have the patience for the club," I said to Gurb. He looked surprised. Like a sweet dog, tilting his head. "I'm just waiting for tomorrow. Can't do my thing here. Don't have patience for the already known. I want adventure and I want it now!"
Gurb started laughing. "Patience is a virtue." Yes. Patience is all well and good, but I think it's a waste of my time. Gurb grabbed my shoulder.
"I think it's time for another beer."
Louis and I were walking through Leeuwarden a year ago when suddenly a red Ford Ka stopped in front of us. It was Gurb, casually driving around the city. He invited us into his car. We hopped in. Since that afternoon, the three of us were together. A few months later, Louis got a tattoo on his ribs in honor of our friendship. It was the name of our group chat. Braddar Force Indigo.
There were also days when Gurb would take me for a drive around Friesland. He reminded me how beautiful Friesland is. The world doesn't spin there. The newspapers I threw away in the Stiens forest in 2011 could still be lying in the same spot, so to speak.
Just before midnight, I found myself in line for the restroom. My eyes fell on a pair of striking shoes. Cigarette smoke invaded my nose for the fourth time. "Müssen Sie eine Zigarette haben?" a female voice spoke to me. I felt like Tom Hanks in the final scene of Angels & Demons, where the new pope first steps onto the balcony. The curtains opened. There I was, witnessing an important moment in history. I was just told how I was sent by God, but my ears didn't want to hear any of it. At least that's how I felt. My mouth was empty. I had no words left. That's when I knew for sure. Berlin might really be as crazy as literally everyone says.
Dark blond, silky hair. Was this real beauty then? She wouldn't look 40, but I think she was. A true woman. Beautiful in all her elegance. I always joked about being interested in older women, but tonight one stood in front of me. "I don't smoke," I said to her.
Someone tapped me. "Please, just go to the toilet!" He was right. I hadn't peed in a while either. My urine was cloudy. "Glomerulonephritis," I said to myself on the toilet. This is an unusual condition. It's an inflammation in the kidneys, I thought I remembered. They should never have given me access to Google.
The evening progressed, and Louis kept buying rounds. "But seriously now. How does Louis suddenly have all that money for drinks?" I asked Gurb. He was outside smoking with a group of Swiss girls. I had strategically positioned myself so that I could always leave the crime scene if necessary.
"You shouldn't ask me," said Gurb. He was laughing with the temporary girlfriend group of Louis. Gurb has a beard. A lot of chicks like that. I get it too.
As much as I enjoyed Louis and Gurb being here for me, something didn't sit right with me. It couldn't just be about the money. "What's up with him?" I heard one of the Swiss girls say to Gurb.
Those kinds of questions really tire me out. "Not much, with you?" I replied.
They all started laughing. "That's not what she meant, brother," said Gurb.
"I couldn't care less whether she meant it or not. Send that brace-face back to Switzerland. Don't drive me crazy, alright!"
Actually, I hadn't drunk that much that evening. "Two vodka Sprites, please!" It's rare for me to get just one drink. "I always get two drinks, then you have to wait shorter for the third one!" Maybe the alcohol was affecting me more than I wanted to admit. Oh well, it was still the three of us against the world.
"Nice shoes, are those Prada?" I asked a random girl at the bar.
"No, these are fake. Why would I buy real ones for 600 dollars if I could just buy these for 20?"
"..."
I'm not very good at that. Talking. To women.
Louis and Gurb were in the smoking area now. It was less blue than the dance floor itself. My clothes already stank, so a visit to the smoking area couldn't hurt. "These people are so underground!" Gurb shouted. Louis was filming him with his phone. "These people..." There was a brief pause. As if Gurb forgot the only line he had. "...so underground!" All three of us burst into laughter. The alcohol flowed through our veins as if it came from the purest mountains. People seemed doubled and the room was full. We had been in the same club in Berlin for several hours.
"Leonardo! What are you hiding from the big boss?" I sometimes called Louis ‘DiCaprio.’ "You a rich guy, now?" I said, with an accent as if I were from the Bronx.
Louis started laughing. "Eh, you know nothing. Bullshit talk."
I had to laugh too. What was I even worried about? Friends are friends, with or without money. That shouldn't matter. Louis probably just worked for that money. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. Maybe he just had enough to buy rounds. But what if my gut feeling was right? That feeling was never wrong. Except for that one time at the Holland Casino in Groningen. Even the best of us have slip-ups. I was just getting worked up again. When it comes down to it, Louis is one of the sweetest guys I know. I had to let it go. After all, it's still Louis.
"I think I'm going to have sex soon, man," Louis said.
"With who?" I asked immediately.
"That one girl."
"Which one?"
"The one with the boobs."
"Oh, her. Just be careful."
"What kind of reaction is that?" Louis asked indignantly.
I'd only had four drinks, but I was acting like a mess. Louis was right. I didn't understand myself. Where was my head at? I'm here in Berlin, supposed to be having the time of my life, but here I am feeling lonely and sad again. Joost once again couldn't control his emotions.
"Sorry," I suddenly said to Louis. "Sorry for my behavior. Been acting dumb towards you all night. It's unnecessary." Sometimes I have that. Mood swings. "Know that crime is never the solution. We've talked about this so many times. Yes, it's tempting and sometimes easy money. I sometimes find it amusing too, but it's always hypothetical. Ask me for help. I can help you, even with illegal things. I'll always have your back." The dancing was kind of over.
The words I had just placed on Louis's plate came from my heart. My Frisian, irregular boys' heart.
Crying in the club. I had never seen myself like that. Crying, yes. In the club, no. I never understood the taboo around crying. Or emotions in general. I saw myself in the mirror. They weren't tears of joy. They weren't tears of sadness either. It was me letting everything go. All the emotions I had ever felt. The emotions I felt between my brother and sister and myself because they wanted to take on a parental role over me, but I was in puberty, so I pushed them away. The emotions I felt when my old neighbors were supposed to take care of my dog, but didn't tell me that he was bitten by one of their dogs. They didn't have money for the surgery, they later told me. They were ashamed of their lack of money. My dog died from this injury. Even the emotions that were all jumping at once during the retake for my swimming diploma A, I let go of.
No emotions. Just for a moment, not feeling anything. Is that too much to ask for?
"You still don’t smoke?"
It had to be the voice of the woman with the cigarettes. I looked over my shoulder through the mirror. It was her. The one with dark blond, silky hair.
"Not to be rude, but this is the men’s room," I said. She took a step closer and kissed me on my lips. It tasted like more. We started kissing. It had been a while since I had had female contact at this level. It probably didn't look good and it didn't feel good either. She started kissing my neck. Slowly, I noticed the pressure in the erectile tissues of my penis starting to increase. "I really don't have time for this!" I thought to myself. The woman with the cigarettes started to slowly sink down until she was on her knees. I didn't want this. Not now, not like this. She unraveled my penis from my Polo Ralph Lauren underwear. Her tongue was blue. It was probably from cheap shots of alcohol.
Was this real beauty then? Was this the beginning or the end of her story? And had I become the boy my parents hoped I would be? I thought about the fact that this was once someone's little daughter. Somewhere in the world, an old man might be wondering what his daughter is doing. Am I really putting pleasure above my own morals and values?
With my semi-erect circumcised penis still exposed, I lifted her up. After giving her a kiss on her forehead, I pulled up my pants and left the toilets.
It was the usual last hour in any club ever. I met Louis and Gurb at the bar. "Should we have another drink?" I asked Gurb. "I feel like having a cocktail. Something sweet. Lots of sugar. What about you?"
Gurb looked at the menu. "A cognac would go down well right now."
"A cognac? You're only nineteen!" Gurb and Louis laughed. "Two Tequila Sunrises please!" I called to the bartender. "Also, two beers! Thanks!" I also got a beer for Louis. At first, I didn't want to, but I didn't want to spoil the mood either. Besides, I didn't want to show too much that it bothered me so much.
We danced away the last minutes. The club closed, and we decided to walk with the group of Swiss girls. Apparently, they were staying nearby.
As I lagged behind the group, one of them tried to start a conversation with me. "Are you okay?" she asked kindly.
"I'm fine. Just had too much beer. Makes me sleepy." Not true at all, but I've heard people say that.
"You’re tired? The fun has only just began!" And as she said this, she pulled something out of her inner pocket. Her clenched fist, shielded by a half jacket. Who is this girl, anyway? I thought to myself. She opened her hand flat, and right in the center of her palm lay two small pills with a smiley face on them. At least, they looked like it.
"Oh, I don’t do drugs. Sorry."
"Me neither!" And she swallowed a pill. "Now it’s your turn... Or are you scared?"
Scared? Who did this crazy Swiss witch (with really beautiful eyes) think she was. With her "are you scared". I'll show her who's scared.
"Scared? I’m not scared." I picked up the remaining pill and swallowed it.
Everything went in slow motion. Was this who I had become? Was this the same boy from high school? And just before I could swallow, I spat out the pill. She was shocked. I picked up the pill again, dried it with my jacket, and put it back in her fist. "Maybe later!" I shouted, running back to the group, over my shoulder.
I have nothing to say to 9 out of 10 peers I come across. Of course, I can be social. I can also have fun with random people in random situations, but that night, it just tired me out. I also didn't understand what we were doing there. Those girls found me strange anyway. Suddenly, I was the fifth wheel.
"We know this place where they go until 7 in the morning!" The girl leader of the group spoke. I wanted to go home. "If you guys want, you can go. Don't worry about me," I said to Gurb and Louis. The boys had a brief discussion. We agreed to stay for just a little while longer for some drinks. I consented. I was thirsty. "I'll have a Fanta, Louis."
Gurb had reached the last cigarette in his pack. Louis and a girl from the group were nowhere to be found. It didn't even bother me. This guy just walks around with some cash in his pocket and all hell breaks loose. After a night full of stimuli, I understood Louis. Of course, I understood Louis. He's a young god. Handsome, smart guy. But that didn't make me any less angry. It was purely about trust for me. Something inside me said I should stop subconsciously expecting things from people too. It prevents disappointment.
"Hotel please!" I jokingly suggested to Gurb. "Should you call Louis or should I?" I added. Gurb immediately grabbed his Android smartphone and called Louis. He put the call on speaker.
"Are you ready?" Gurb asked.
"Yeah. Sort of."
"What do you mean?"
"We didn't have sex."
"That's fine, right? Tomorrow's a new day!"
"I think I'm in love, man," Louis said.
"...," Gurb said, chuckling as he let out a sigh.
Once we arrived at the girls' hostel, it was already getting light. Louis was thankfully back. There were stains on his pants, around his knees. My focus was solely on arranging a taxi. Although the boys were still flirting, I was really done now. "How are we going to pay for this taxi?" I said a bit too loudly.
There was a silence. "Don't worry. I still have cash," Gurb said.
"Yeah, I knew you would," I replied.
My words clearly hit Louis. "What do you mean by that?" he said.
It was as if time stood still for a few seconds. "Exactly what I said. Better listen." Louis pulled out a small wad of green bills from his pocket. At least 400 euros. "I don't even want to see that money," I reacted. I walked away.
I'll just order a taxi myself.
"Why are you walking away now?" Gurb said.
"Twelve hours ago, I was alone too, and I had a lot more fun then."
"Do you really want to know how I got this money?" Louis said.
Yes, I did want to know. My whole evening revolved around that damn money.
He took a second of pause before he began speaking. "The answer lies in the Mini."
What on earth could be in Gurb's mother's car? Louis was trying to get into my head. "Taxi!"
Once in the taxi, the division was clear. Gurb was upfront, chatting animatedly with the driver. All adventures ever were recounted. Louis and I in the back. One of my best friends since I was thirteen. Funny how things turn out. It was quiet between us. I was in my head, rehearsing how I would bring up the money again. It didn't add up, and he knew it himself. "I don't care, you know," I said, hoping he'd break.
"What don't you care about?"
"About that money."
"What money? You're really a crazy woozy man." Louis burst out laughing again.
On the other hand, it was silent. Gurb had started talking about the driver's family. The driver didn't appreciate it. Gurb meant well. The driver smelled of alcohol. Or was it me? His nails were polished. Maybe his wife was a specialist. I bite my nails myself. Like now.
"In the Mini, oh yeah."
"Shut up. Illegal man."
"You'll never know."
"Stop playing. Just say it!"
Louis grabbed my head, pulled himself towards me, and brought his mouth to my right ear. "Why so serious?" he whispered. He didn't want to tell me.
"But always with this damn money, huh?" I almost shouted at Louis. I broke every silence within a radius of 10 kilometers.
"I'm trying my best, bro. It is what it is. I can't make it any different," he replied. It was clearly bothering him deeply. He ran his hands through his hair. "Sometimes people have to do things. And you know that better than anyone. Sometimes they have to do things they don't really want to or aren't supposed to do."
I knew this spiel all too well. Through all the drunken haziness, I suddenly saw a small glimmer of light. A tiny spark of sincerity. Louis was serious this time.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to involve you in this. I'm sorry," sweat dripped from his forehead.
"You're serious, huh? Damn, man. What mess have you gotten yourself into now? Worse than Terschelling?" Worse than Terschelling would mean stolen goods. Maybe even violence.
"It's not what you think."
"The Adlon Hotel, right?" the driver chimed in. Always saved by the bell, that Louis.
Suddenly I hit my head against the seat in front of me. Of course, I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. The last thing I saw was Gurb waking up in panic from his drunken stupor. One by one, I started losing my senses. It started with the feeling in my fingers. For a brief moment, everything wasn't quite black, and I could only see a vague pattern of colors repeating inside my eyelids. You could compare it to the brief moment after the commercial break before the movie starts in the cinema. The movie was about to begin.
I knew I wasn't dying. At least not yet. Not like this. Not after an overall mediocre night out in Berlin. I found comfort in the image I forced myself to see. It was all in my head. There I was, unconscious.
I saw myself in a third-person point of view. It wasn't like I was actually leaving my body. More like there was a webcam hanging in one of the upper corners of the taxi.
As a child, I used to dream a lot about death. Nights spent awake.
At some point, I developed a kind of compulsive behavior. I kept swaying my torso from left to right with my hands under my head. It became almost like a workout before bedtime. Every night.
I called it dream shuffling. Just like I had learned to shuffle puzzle pieces or playing cards. Making things a little exciting for yourself. But what I almost never told anyone was that I was scared. I was afraid of burglars, who were very agile and muscular.
Especially afraid that they would murder me. I really wanted to know what death was like. It scared me.
These fear visions originated during an all-inclusive vacation in Turkey. I was 6 years old and already in bed. There was a big old TV in our hotel room, so I could secretly watch TV from bed. Every evening, my parents sat on the balcony. Here they discussed their day while enjoying a glass of alcohol. There was a Japanese animated series on TV. In the few seconds that I watched, I saw a scary creature climbing a sort of apartment complex via the balconies. The creature had hundreds of teeth and blond hair. It quickly entered to decapitate the people, then drained them and, as a final insult, robbed them. Dozens of carcasses of dead people were scattered around the apartment complex. The complex on TV resembled the resort where we were in reality, and the TV world merged with my surroundings. I became part of it. I saw people watching. No matter how loudly I screamed for help, they didn't react. The sun became very bright, and the people turned into nothing more than shadows. As the intensity of the sun increased, something became clear to me. These were not people. They had a sort of orange skin. Where I had previously thought it was their nose and mouth, it turned out that these shadowy figures did not have such physical features. They simply had three holes in their heads. The police tried to do something, but in vain. Since then, we always kept the light on in the hallway outside my bedroom. By rocking back and forth, from left to right, I could glance fleetingly at the beam of light under the door. That bit of light, escaping from the hallway into my room, gave me an advantage. It allowed me to stay one step ahead of the burglars. Pretty smart, right?
"From Jamaica to the world!
It’s just love. Why must the children play in the street?"
It was Bob Sinclar with "Love Generation" speaking to us through the taxi's speakers. We were stationary. I was conscious again, but I didn't feel alive at all. "How long was I out?" I asked Louis.
I could tell by his expression that he was relieved. Relieved that I was back. "One minute," he almost apologized. Louis gave me a pat on the shoulder. Gurb, on the other hand, was sleeping. He slept like a baby cub.
I put my right index finger on my forehead. It felt wet, but it wasn't blood. Blood feels different. Meanwhile, I kept hearing whistling.
"Be the love generation! Oh yeah!" It was still that same song by Bob Sinclar.
The earlier scent of alcohol had now been replaced by the smell of incense. It smelled like the same incense I had in my room. Sold to me as Tibetan 39 incense. I had bought it at a coffee shop in Rotterdam. I pulled up my notes on my phone. "Who lights incense in a CAR????" I let Louis read from my screen. He took the phone from my hands and started typing as well.
"Look at Gurb >>>" Gurb was so deeply asleep that his head drooped. His seatbelt held his torso in place, but his head ended up on the driver's shoulder. The man didn't mind. He didn't move. I made eye contact with the driver through the rearview mirror, and soon I found him. He winked at me.
We arrived at the hotel. Gurb awakened from his alcoholic hibernation. "Who's going to pay for the taxi?" I asked. Clearly rhetorical. I already knew I would take this one for the team, as usual. I refused to use Louis's money. It was uncomfortably quiet. "By card please," I said.
"I'll always protect you, Louis. You really need to know that. I care about you like my own little brother. I'll always try to help you. But you have to be honest with me. Can you do that?" Louis didn't hesitate.
"Yes. Yes, I can. I'll show you. It's really in the Mini." Meanwhile, the taxi driver's card machine indicated that I had insufficient funds. That couldn't be right. Maybe I had withdrawn too much that evening.
"I have cash in the hotel room," Gurb said to me. Gurb informed the driver in broken English that he would go get his cash. The driver agreed. Money is money, whether it comes now or later. As long as it feels good in your hands.
Louis and I got out of the taxi. "You're not going to light a cigarette now, are you?" Louis wanted to smoke. "Especially for stress. That's really for people who can't handle pain. You need to feel pain. Pain needs to brand you for the rest of your life so you finally learn not to do such stupid things." It fell silent again. My blood boiled. All pots were on the stove. I felt like Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen. "Show me then. Do it."
Louis remained silent and walked around the corner of the hotel. Towards the parking lot. I followed him. "You're not going to find much," said Louis.
"Why not? Are you a magician?"
"No. Just. Not much."
"So there's suddenly magically nothing in Gurb's car?"
"Stop. Get out. Get out of my head!" Louis shouted. Louis had had enough. He was done with the parade. Normally we dealt with hypothetical stories. Only this time it wasn't a joke. I was sure now. Louis had dropped his mask. The revolution had begun. The government had fallen and the dikes had broken. The people were in charge. "You shouldn't freak out like this. Always wanting more. Sweet boy, think about yourself."
After Gurb gave the money to the driver, he came to us. He had a smile on his face, lit a cigarette, and exclaimed, "Brothers!" Once with us, he hugged me. He started laughing. "Maybe I haven't been entirely honest either." Sometimes Gurb seemed like a 38-year-old man. In a positive way. He exuded confidence in a way I didn't often see. Affectionate, with a hint of authority.
We stood in the middle of a large parking lot. "Look. We've reached a point where I might not even care anymore. You guys are teasing me." It did matter to me. Maybe more than ever. I was supposed to be two steps ahead of them, but I couldn't figure it out. "I give up."
The delightful silence returned. Louis and Gurb looked at each other. "You guys win. Apparently, I'm not to be trusted as a friend."
From Louis's expression, I could tell he disagreed with this. "Not true. Come to the car."
We arrived at the car. Louis unlocked it and searched for the trunk button. Gurb had started his third cigarette. "It's a corpse, isn't it? Say it now. I can still help you. I can still help us. I can book a ticket for you. We can get you out of here," I said to Louis.
"Just wait. Nutcase."
"Why won't you accept my help?"
Louis started laughing nervously. Or at least it seemed that way. Perhaps a sly laugh too. Had Louis killed someone? "It's not a corpse. That can't be. You wouldn't be stupid enough to use their ID. You're smarter than that. So it must be something stolen. Haven't you found that button yet?"
Suddenly, we heard a click. Louis had found the button. Somewhere, I didn't want to know. Shouldn't I just trust Louis? Wasn't that the whole point of friendship?
Finally, the moment had arrived. I placed my right hand in the slot of the rear hatch. Something in me doubted. Still. I still doubted. Louis looked dead serious. "You wanted to know, didn't you? Then you also have to be man enough to accept it." Louis was clearly not joking. Or was he acting again? "Pussy," Louis said. I looked away. "You're afraid of what's inside, huh? You're afraid of the real Louis." He began to laugh manically. "Open that thing, man. Nutcase!"
I started laughing too. Why did I make such a big deal out of it? Sweat broke out from every pore in my body. It was even a bit damp in the no man's land between my scrotum and my anus. A tropical climate. It had been quite an adventure the whole evening. I took my hand off the rear hatch and first gave Louis a hug. Not some half-hearted birthday wish. No, a real hug.
"It's okay, buddy," Louis said to me. I had no idea what he meant by that. It fit the moment though.
It was really time now. I opened the rear hatch.
"Where is it?"
"In front of you," said Louis.
"In some secret compartment?"
There was nothing in the trunk. Absolutely nothing. An empty trunk. For an empty evening, in an empty Berlin, with an empty group of guys. I didn't get it.
"You won, man," I whispered. "You finally fucking done did it."
I couldn't believe my eyes. Empty? There was still nothing in the car. Louis just stood there. Emotionally, I was a wreck. I had felt every emotion this evening. Seen every color and smelled every scent. I was done. My body was ready. No longer needed. My mission was complete.
"But why did you do this?" I asked Louis, laughing.
He scratched his chin. It felt like the end of a bad movie.
"I sold our Playstation. Wanted to tell you only after I had sorted everything out again. I terminated my lease. Had some debts, and I also wanted to have some money for once. Once not empty-handed in the club. Once not dependent on my best friends. This is not who I am... I know how much that Playstation meant to you. It was ours together. I should have just told you."
"… and how does Gurb actually make his money?"

I am making this post based on my experience after seeing previous complaints in other places about Jatenzo and having to take it twice a day like it's some chore. Do you eat twice a day? Then, what's the big deal? I do take it with fat to ensure good absorption.
Anyway, it has been nothing short of miraculous. Much of the TRT pages are geared toward weightlifters or FTM. I'm just a regular-born male who needs to take testosterone for health reasons. After testicular cancer 11 years ago at age 29, my one functioning testicle had to be removed (the other one was destroyed by an incompetent doctor who didn't descend it properly as a kid). So, I don't make any except for the tiny bit made elsewhere. I tried gels. Axiron worked great at first....and mimicked natural cycles, which is important to me. Then, it stopped absorbing. And other gel forms didn't work. Then, I went on shots every few weeks. Wild swings. And even with the high levels at the start, I didn't "feel" like it was working.
Enter Jatenzo. I waited a good year for this drug when I heard about it. And for all the people that don't know, it's a new pill form that DOES NOT HARM THE LIVER. My liver is doing fine after several years now. I was the first one my internal medicine doctor prescribed this medicine for, and I ended up leaving the urologist since he wouldn't prescribe it. The worst part has been getting insurance to cover it. It has been a battle every time I got new insurance, but I think my lack of testicles makes them more likely to cover it than just demand I do the shots.
I feel so much better on this than the shots! My energy is higher, I feel mentally better, and every morning, I have a rager right before waking up. It's like I'm a teen again. One weird difference between this and the injectable was that I had a ridiculous number of nocturnal emissions with the shots. With this, just the morning wood. I will take that. I think it's impacting my libido in a way that presents differently and in a superior way to the injections. And my wife is glad to not have to give me injections.
Honestly, I am surprised at how well my numbers have improved on Jatenzo. At first, it seemed to be around 600, but I recently had 700. Keep in mind, I don't make testosterone on my own, so I am almost on the max dose: 2 158 mg pills twice a day. There is only one dosage higher than this. I take it with peanut butter and fish oil capsules. I am sure my numbers would be much lower otherwise. Note: You are supposed to take labs 6 hours after the morning dose, which is different than other forms. So, these numbers are well past the peak number.
Anyway, I just wanted to share my positive experience as a person taking this for my essential health reasons, not just for slightly low levels but absurdly low if I didn't take it. I am worried about the future, as the original manufacturer of this folded and sold the product to another company. It's expensive, so I use the discount card, which means I really only pay $10. I hope they never discontinue this discount, but they likely will once it gets closer to going generic unless they also fold or pull it from the market like what happened to Axiron.
If I ever can't take this, I will try micro-dosing injectables, but I will be angry about having to do that with a pill form. It will feel like a punishment. Maybe it would more naturally mimic natural cycles than the longer injection doses. But that's a what-if in the future. For now, I am grateful to have Jatenzo and insurance that finally accepts it.

(I am SO sorry for the needed lengthy) Back Story & Context Leading To My Decision:
I (33F) have 1 sister, “Sam” (38F). Although we share the same parents, our childhood & the way we were treated was incredibly different. Mainly because Sam had always been favored & treated far better than me. A fact that Sam refuses to acknowledge to this day.
Before & after my parents got married, it was agreed upon that they would not have children, until one day my mother “Susan” (66F) came up with the bright idea that if she gave her parents (“Norma & Gene”) a grand-baby they would finally love her. She went off the pill without telling my father, got pregnant, then had Sam. To no one’s surprise, Susan hated being a mom. So she would ship Sam across the country to Norma & Gene’s constantly, so much so, they saw her as THEIR child. And they showered her with love that Susan never even got a taste of. This led to Susan being aggressively jealous & resentful of her child.
Years later, my dad was tricked again into having me to “save their marriage.” They divorced when I was 3. All Sam ever knew from Susan was neglect, emotional & mental abuse from Susan, which only became worse when she could use “favoring” me as another way to hurt Sam. This was NOT a secret in my family, resulting in maltreatment towards me (either subconsciously or intentionally).
Abuse toward Sam turned physical. My father was given full custody of her when I was 8, and I was left with Susan for the next 2 years until she decided she wanted to move to San Francisco because she “deserved” a more glamorous life. I do not remember the years living with Susan, but recently one of my closest friends (of 25 years) said to me I practically lived at her house & she barely interacted with Susan throughout the entirety of our friendship.
To make up for Susan being an awful parent, Norma & Gene would dote on Sam & shell out a lot of $$$ to give her a very nice life which includes but not limited to; taking her on luxury trips around the world (I was only invited on 1 in the times we lived together), Norma would write her lengthy letters to continue growing their bond, has had so much money spent on her such as down payment on her first house & paid for extravagant events such as majority of the bill for her $50,000 wedding @ 21yo, the rest my father paid for. The only time she worked before graduating with her degree was part time ONE semester in college then quit because it was “so tiring” to work & study. Want to guess who paid her bills & gave her an allowance the rest of the time? Compare this to me when I barley received a kind word. They offered me money ONCE in my early 20’s to pay off my credit card & medical debt I accrued in college as I had to pay all my own bills while working full time (I have been working since I was 15) and going to school full time. I am the only one in the family who worked in college, yet I am still the only one to graduate with honors. I accepted with the condition it would come out of my “inheritance.” I have never asked or been offered money since. I have paid for ALL my own bills since I left home @ 18 years old.
Despite the obvious disparities and constant hurt they put me through, I was an active member of the family who mainly kept her mouth shut. I attended family events unless I could not afford to go, I sent holiday gifts, called between 1-2x per month for an 1 hour+ phone call in which I most often bit my tongue unless it was to defend Sam as Norma & Susan did not agree with her parenting.
Something to note, in May 2021 my father had an accident that would lead to his passing in December 2021. The disagreements & Sam’s nastiness toward me after the accident and then his death further strained our relationship.
Fast forward to March 2023. An explosive incident at Susan’s home. Susan started berating Sam for not allowing Susan to take my oldest nephew cross country for a week. When Sam confronted her on the abuse she endured growing up, and will not subject her kids to that, Susan lost it. Not only did Susan say that Sam made that up (I have the court documents in my possession) she screamed at Sam until she began sobbing in ear shot of her 3 young kids, husband, and my step father. I stood up for Sam as always, which resulted in Susan screaming in my face “I don’t want a relationship with you” with Sam as a witness. I cut ties with Susan in that very moment, then made the family aware of my decision, and everyone, including Norma agreed to respect my decision which she later went back on.
By August 2023, my physical health that had been on a rapid decline since 2019 including 18 out of 23 (78%) of my spinal discs deteriorating without a known cause had become unbearable to manage + time I had to take off because of migraines & doctor’s appointments, I had to quit my corporate desk job. I had enough money saved to tide me over for some time, but as any US adult in their 20’s & 30’s know, it’s been rough the past few years, add in physical disabilities & limited mobility + regular migraines, I was running low on money & needed help. So at the end of December, at the encouragement & insistence of my aunt “Elizabeth” (61F & Susan’s sister) who I had become quite close with over the past few years, I went to Norma & Gene to ask for a LOAN. They had donated $25,000 to Sam’s place of worship on her behalf a few months prior, offered to buy Sam & her husband a house the year prior, paid for Elizabeth’s bills & expensive lifestyle for the last year when she was soul searching on what line of work she wanted to do next, this was after putting a down payment on Elizabeth’s new $470,000 condo + $70,000 of renovations it needed, not to mention the literal hundreds of thousands of dollars that they have given Susan over the years just to pay off her credit card debt (none of which is coming out of their inheritance might I add) she assured me they would absolutely loan their granddaughter with serious health issues money. Elizabeth would talk to them personally about it, just to seal the deal while Sam would help me find cheaper alternatives to my current necessities such as Medicaid.
I make the request, and to my surprise they are more than happy to help me with a loan. But one week later & their phone calls with Susan, they say by email they “love me but cannot continue to financially support my poor decisions.” I call Elizabeth who says, it was not in her best interest to talk to them about helping me as I am “worthless to this family and society while being disabled.” Then adds that she will not let her “mental health deteriorate just to emotionally support me.” I then immediately reach out to Sam who does not even have the guts to talk by phone only text, and says she called Susan to explain my circumstance but “wasn’t going to argue or pick a fight” to help me and that she is sorry that that she “can't show up for me the way I want her to because she needs to maintain her own mental health, relationships and boundaries.” She also threw in that I have “made up this narrative in my head” that they treat her & I different, that she is treated better. This is literally in the same conversation where I already listed how she was treated better.
That day I fully cut contact with Norma, Gene, and Elizabeth. I told them they will not be hearing from me again, and I will not be attending theirs or Susan’s funeral. And I stopped speaking with Sam for the time being. Ironically, what led us to speaking was last month (April 2024) I had begun working on an article about going No Contact with family members. I asked if I could discuss her childhood abuse in a few sentences as part of the article. She agreed and offered to give me quotes. I accepted then interviewed her. From there we began rebuilding our relationship.
Then Wednesday, May 8, Norma passes. I do not attend the funeral that happened on Friday, May 10. My two cousins who I have become very close with in the last 6 months understood why, and supported my decision. I made it clear to Sam, who told Susan I would not be attending and I had made it clear in January that when the time came, I would l not be attending their funerals. Which clearly they saw as an empty threat. But even though I did not go, I continually checked in with them & Sam to ensure they were okay. Not once from Wednesday to yesterday (Tuesday) did Sam reply to a single message. As I was concerned about this, I reached out yesterday morning. She replied in the afternoon. I was incredibly hurt by her very lengthy message. Here are 2 excerpts that led me to full NC.

1. “Your perspective on the situation was clear, you werent coming to be with the family and you arent grieving [Norma’s] death at least in the conventional sense. I had to be the one to answer from most of the family why you werent there, it was incredibly awkward and uncomfortable for me.”
2. “Since late January/Early February things have already been really strained between us. I know that most that comes from my point of view and actions were really hurtful to you. I hate that I hurt you and Its been difficult for me to reconcile that I can't show up for you the way you want me to while also maintaining my own mental health, relationships and boundaries.”

She continually says that she cannot show up for me the way I need without affecting her mental health, jeopardizing her relationship with Susan, Gene or Norma, crossing boundaries (boundaries she never clarified or explicitly said to me ONCE) and I am not someone that would ever want to hinder someone else’s life by my presence or cause inner turmoil by associating with me. I let her know this and said I will stop trying to cultivate a relationship and I will step away for good. I said it as kind as possible, taking an hour to craft a message that can only be seen as kind. I told her if she responds I will not be reading it.
I work very hard to stay positive as it’s just me to lean on. When there is something eating at me emotionally, it will drain my energy & have me spiral until it is resolved. I did not want to waste another moment feeling hurt especially when I wasted hours being angry & upset after receiving her text before crafting my reply.
My dad always preached that Sam is “far more sensitive” than me & needs to basically be treated with kid gloves despite her being almost 5 years older (he held this stance until his passing). He would have surely wanted me to apply that rule to this situation by waiting a few weeks to cut ties once she had time to process her grief. As Norma was the closest person to a loving mother Sam consistently had, I cannot help but compare it with my experience of losing my dad. If someone who always supported me esp. with any family issues, cut contact the same week he passed, it would have added a whole other layer of devastation & loneliness to an already difficult time
So, I am torn on whether it was right of me to put myself first or if I should have done what I am known & expected to do which is making Sam’s feelings the priority over mine.
ADDITIONAL ADVICE REQUESTS: 1. If anyone else has gone through a similar situation or has no immediate family, how do you handle it when having to discuss it with others? Such as explaining it to a new S/O’s, or the least complicated version to their family members or my friends who do not know the full back story but will eventually pick up on me not mentioning my sister or my nephews & niece. 2. If anyone is not able bodied or is limited to working options due to health, what you do for your full or extra income (outside of any government assistance)?
TY to all who comment &/or upvote!☺️

Time Heals goes the same, but the alternate version of Ben would use Dragon-fry instead of Swampfire.
The Final Battle Part 1 and 2:
Ben would have been captured by Kraab, and he would have purposefully been grabbed by Kraab, getting the key and turning into Ghostfreak. Just like the time he fought Kraab in the original story. Ben would turn into Frankenstrike to attack the meteors.
Albedo would still kidnap Kevin using Diamondhead and would use both Wildvine and Un-perceivable to kidnap Gwen. ALbedo would fail to kidnap Max, and Ben would fight Albedo with Peel-Puncher. Albedo would go ultimate and Ben would rush at him, however, Ben mentally can't bring himself to harm Albedo. Albedo would send out the tendrils that would usually be used to drink water, and stab them into Ben, stealing a lot of water, making Ben succumb to the effects of de-hydration.
Ben would give up the Omnitrix, make it self-destruct, and steal the Ultimatrix. Rather than turning into Swampfire, he would turn into Dragon-fry. Ben would shoot a laser blast, similar to Swampfire's fire blast. Dragon-fry would swipe at Vilgax with his claws, slamming him into the wall. Dragon-fry would continue to shoot a laser blast, since he does not have access to vines.
Vilgax would raise his shield, blocking the blast. He would shoot his own laser blast, countering Dragon-fry's laser. The laser hits Dragon-fry and hits the wall. Ben would activate the ultimate feature on Dragon-fry, blasting Vilgax with a blast of ice and electricity, freezing and shocking Vilgax. Ben would fire a blast of steam by combining his water and fire breath, pushing Vilgax back. Ben would fire a blast of flaming electricity, burning Vilgax. The ship would crash into the ocean. The glass would crack, and Vilgax would turn into his true form. Ultimate Dragon-fry would be dragged into the water, and would coat his wings with electricity, freeing himself. Ben would turn into Ghostfreak, getting out of the explosion.
Ultimate Alien:
Fame:
Ben would turn into Peel-Puncher to scare off the reporters. They would get on the Rustbucket 3, and would save the falling solider with Dragon-fry. Everything else goes the exact same, since he has the same aliens. He would scan Bivalvan, gaining Water Hazard.
Duped is skipped, since there is no Echo-Echo. I think Ben would stick with Kevin, fighting the Forever Knights. Ben would use Upgrade to merge with the mech de-activating it.
UAF Roster:

1. Hydro-fold (Aquarian): Has a containment suit that allows him to survive. Makes him able to survive in a vacuum. The suit is much more durable than Labrid's suit so it won't tear. If it is breached, then a fail-save will de-transform Ben into human form.
2. Peel-Puncher (Highbreed) (Name derived from a commenter, but I can't remember who): Can fly. Shoot needles from his fingers. Immune to cold but not being frozen by ice. The Omnitrix cleaned his DNA so he isn't sick.
3. Pick-axer (Name is WIP): Has a pickax that can be enhanced with electricity. Has a headlight to see in the dark.
4. Dragon-fry (Dragon): Flight. Fire (Maybe laser) breath. Highly durable.
5. Bullfrag (Incursion): Same as original. No sunglasses :(
6. Sparklebellum (Sylonnoid) (Name from Derrick J Wyatt): Can survive in a vacuum.
7. Frog-dodge (Gilhil's species): Same as Bullfrag. As strong as stone Kevin.
8. Spider-Monkey: Can shoot webs out of tail. Four arms. Enhanced in all attributes.
9. Moon-man (WIP name): No powers
10. Tiny Big (WIP name): Stronger than Humungosaur. Can't see in the dark. Sees people with sparks in their Anodite form.
11. Arma-mask: Has four arms. No powers
12. Null-Slate: No powers
13. Whisker-Word: No powers
14. Sun-Lite: (based off the ): When in the presence of sunlight, he can heal others.
15. Void-Ogre (WIP): Can manipulate darkness, making himself hard to see.
16. Tele-static: Can short-circuit machines. Can teleport themselves to other places they have been or know the location of. Can teleport objects to himself
17. Cobra-crush: Same powers as Ssserpent.
18. Decagon Vreedle (Vreedle): Can survive in a vacuum. Expert at pyrotechnics. Will eventually be regenerated when killed
19. War-Monger (WIP Name): No powers. is short
20. Grem-lunch (Gremlin + Lunch): If he consumes meat before or during the transformation, Ben will turn into his primal form, allowing him to absorb electricity and become huge. The Omnitrix prevents his mind from being poisoned.
21. Grey-skull (He-man/She-ra reference): Stonger than a human.
22. Ghostfreak (Ectonurite): Can possess people. Flight. Intangibility. Tendrils. Invisibility.
23. Frankenstrike (Transylian): Can shoot electricity. Can stick to metal.
24. Blitzwolfer (Loboan): Can shoot sonic howls. Has claws and a jaw.
25. Snare-Oh (Teph Khufan): Made of bandages, which can be used to wrap people up. Can't be hurt.
26. Un-perceivable: Can perceive many dimensions, allowing him to perceive invisible beings. Can teleport. Is unable to be harmed due to being made out of that weird energy. Telekinesis.
27. Marshmallow Marauder (Lewodan (Name By DJW)): Can float, and can use electromagnetism, short-circuiting technology. Can regenerate.
28. Power snack: The more he eats, the stronger he gets. Has to be actual food.
29. Nanomech: Very small. Can shrink. Can shoot green energy.
30. Plas-max (Name may be used already): Can shoot solar rays. Teleportation.
31. Water Hazard: Can shoot water. Has hard armor.

Ultimate Forms used:

1. Ultimate Peel-Puncher: He can use his tendrils to drain the water out of living things, weakening them. (Like Cell from DBZ) Plant based life like Highbreed, methanosians, and Flouranas are unable to attack him.
2. Ultimate Dragon-fry: (Power by Optimal_Ad6274) Elemental Breath "The ability to breathe different elemental beams like fire, water, ice, lightning, etc." Quote from him. Can surround his wings with those elements.
3. Ultimate Spidermonkey: Same as original

Returning aliens:

1. Returning Aliens:
2. Ultra-Ben
3. Chromastone
4. Upgrade
5. Quick-shot
6. Diamondhead
7. Wildvine
8. Heatblast (Writers statement)
9. Wildmutt (Writers statement)

Part 28, Part 29, Part 30, Part 31, Part 32, Part 33, Part 34, Part 35, Part 36, Part 37, Part 38,
Based on a this post: "What if the Omnitrix only had the scan function."