My Friend Betrayed Me
I've been venting to my friend about my roommates and how much they've been bothering me. Recently, he came over to help me move my stuff. My roommates were standing outside my door, and after exchanging some words, I went inside to start packing. Meanwhile, he stayed outside with them on his phone until I called him in and shut the door.
Later, I went outside and got into an argument with my roommates. He came out, sat on the floor, and stayed on his phone while they insulted my personality. He even made small talk with my roommate's boyfriend after the boyfriend insulted me. Twice, he tried to leave me alone with them to "take out the trash." When my roommates apologized to him for the situation, he responded with a smile, saying, "It's okay." As we were leaving, he asked them, "Do you know where the trash is?" with a smile on his face.
For context, he is a guy, and my roommates and I are all girls. He also does not have many friends. He drives me and drops me off home whenever we hang out because I do not have a car and has helped me several other times when I’ve had to move my stuff.
Am I the asshole for not attending his graduation and not speaking to him anymore? Neither of us have reached out to each other since the incident.

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Synopsis:
Juliette Contzen is a lazy, good-for-nothing princess. Overshadowed by her siblings, she's left with little to do but nap, read … and occasionally cut the falling raindrops with her sword. Spotted one day by an astonished adventurer, he insists on grading Juliette's swordsmanship, then promptly has a mental breakdown at the result.
Soon after, Juliette is given the news that her kingdom is on the brink of bankruptcy. At threat of being married off, the lazy princess vows to do whatever it takes to maintain her current lifestyle, and taking matters into her own hands, escapes in the middle of the night in order to restore her kingdom's finances.
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Action, Fantasy, Copious Ohohohohos.
Chapter 241: Until Now
The doors to the Hartzwiese Adventurer’s Guild opened.
Before, the sound of raucous laughter could be heard flooding the street outside, filling the quiet of a spring night with all the debauchery the local drunkards had to offer.
Despite the halls of adventurers not being formal drinking establishments, those within were ready to compete in boisterousness with all the taverns, inns and pubs of the town combined. And also win. Handily.
And yet–
The moment the doors parted and I stepped within, a hush as quiet as any grave fell over its inhabitants.
A woman balancing with her derrière upon the head of another became still, the alcohol in her cup the only movement as it dribbled onto a stunned face below her.
A man slurping from the communal cauldron stared wordlessly, the stew pouring in, and then out of his mouth as the muscles of his throat forgot the means to swallow.
A bartender asleep upon a row of kegs quietly rose, the sudden din of silence waking him where the sound of debauchery and those drinking from the taps beside him had failed.
Here, there, and everywhere, eyes widened as the sudden silence was filled with the sounds of my footsteps as I strolled past, my loyal handmaiden and my brother’s attendant in my wake.
And also–
Mreow.
Mrewowow.
Meww.
Cats.
Tabby cats.
Calico cats.
Ragdoll cats.
Cats with twirly whiskers. Cats with puffy faces. Cats with slightly rounded ears.
Behind me, skipping around my legs while taking turns to sit upon my shoulders and very occasionally my head, were a legion of cats of various shapes, sizes and colours.
But no matter the springiness of their whiskers, the shine of their coat or the liveliness of their tails, one thing to bring them all together was the anarchy they caused.
This was no neat line of ducklings following after their mother.
This was a barbarian horde.
With no sense of organisation other than a shared drive to claim everything as their own, they immediately skipped amidst the stunned adventurers, scavenging for all the copious scraps while still turning their noses away from the alcohol forming sticky traps upon the floor.
Saying nothing, I allowed their demanding cries to fill up the hall as I swept forwards, pausing before a wall plastered from end to end with faded notices and requests long gone unanswered.
One by one, I systemically tore every request featuring a crudely drawn image of a cat, gathering into my arms a pile of parchment large enough to reach my chin.
Then, I made my way to the wooden desk.
A receptionist waited with a smile at the ready.
“Greetings! Welcome to the Hartzwiese branch of the Adventurer’s Guild. I see you’ve removed several notices from the–”
Poomph.
Silenced but unperturbed, this latest clone watched as I dropped the stack of requests onto her desk, before promptly topping off the stack with a copper ring.
“Do what must be done,” I said, my voice defiant. “I am ready.”
The receptionist answered me with a smile more permanent than the wall the notices were torn from.
A moment later–
“[Identify].”
A green hue appeared in her clasped palms as she assessed the ring.
“Juliette. B-rank. Your registered branch is Reitzlake.”
The sound of several cups clattered against the floor.
“Welcome again to Hartzwiese. I see from your commission history that you have an extraordinary amount of completions for recovering lost cats. May I assume the significant number of cats now roaming the branch hall relate to the notices removed from the wall?”
I pursed my quivering lips.
“Maybe.”
“Wonderful. And how many cats is it that you’ve rescued?”
“... Lots.”
“I see. Please give me a moment while I confirm the requirements of our commissions.”
The receptionist swiftly retrieved a stack of parchment from a drawer.
As she flicked through, her eyes simultaneously went to every cat roaming, napping and clawing in the hall. A skill not even monstrous overseers from the abyss with their dozens of eyestalks could match. But that’s only to be expected.
Wherever these receptionists were found, it was from a level deeper than any monster dared roam.
Eventually, she gave a nod.
“Thank you for waiting. There appears to be an excess of cats in relation to the number of commissions we have available. We’ll endeavour to ensure that every cat is rehomed at the earliest opportunity through our partner agencies and charities. But unfortunately, I can only provide official acknowledgement for cats rescued through a formal commission.”
I sucked in a deep breath, hoping that patience was one of the things I accidentally inhaled.
“Fine. And how many commissions does that end up being, then? … 10? 15?”
The receptionist flicked through her bundle of parchments once more.
“94.”
“... Excuse me?”
“I can confirm the successful completion of 94 simultaneous F-ranked commissions. Congratulations. This is a new record, breaking what appears to be one earlier set by yourself. A remarkable achievement befitting a B-rank member of the guild.”
The receptionist’s professional smile never wavered.
I thought that would be the worst of it.
But then–
She slowly brought her hands together … and started applauding.
It was the leak which broke the dam.
At once, she was joined by all who were present to witness this crowning moment of regret.
I turned around in time to see a riot in motion.
“W-Wooooooooooo!!!!”
“In … Incredible …”
“A new record … I … I heard it was broken in Trierport … to think I’d witness it broken again!”
“A B-rank adventurer … ?! Where … Where did she come from … ?!”
There was no polite, respectful applause here.
It was the wild cheering of a crowd at a tournament. The whooping cries of theatregoers calling for an encore. The acclaim of my father as he elbowed others to delight in the poetry I’d written when I was 6 and thus now regularly attempted to burn.
Everywhere I turned, I saw and heard the acclaim mixed with shouts of horror as mugs of alcohol were spilled on purpose and by accident. The layabouts stomped on the floor, doing their best to murder decorum under the strain of unbridled emotion.
Only a few falling teardrops formed any hint of more dignified revelry, the glimmer of admiration running down cheeks as sniffles were hidden amidst the raucous cheering.
And then I bore witness to the most morbid sight.
Like a tidal wave of soiled clothes and snotty faces, they suddenly came as one, hands reaching out for me with dripping mugs still in their grips. Horror struck at my soul. And unlike a farmer who’d scarpered into the night, I had nobody who could heal a wound caused by hooligans accepting me as their own.
“A-Amazing!! Take my drink! Take anyone’s drink!!”
“So many cats rescued … even my allergies can’t believe it!”
“My gods, it’s a legend! An adventurer among adventurers!”
This.
This right here.
This was the lowest point of my life … were I not an unparalleled genius.
“Oho … ohoho …”
At once, the wave halted.
Faces which were lit up in unabashed delight turned to looks of mild confusion against the tinkling music of my laughter.
They needed to cycle through the expressions until they reached horror and shame.
“Ohhohohohohohoho!!”
… For I was no drunkard seeking to join their ranks!
No … I was Juliette Contzen, 3rd Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea!
And that meant every action I took, every word I spoke, and every cat I saved was for a reason beyond the hopes and dreams these hoodlums had of wanton debauchery and rusting swords!
Indeed!
A lesser princess than I may slink away into the night, cowed by the utter shame, humiliation and disgrace of completing so many F-ranked requests that I somehow broke a record I’d only just set!
But I was made of greater things!
Of schemes and subterfuges so deep that it would take too long to explain! The plots I weaved were a silken web more intricate than any cogs which made up Coppelia as she doubled up, desperately trying to stop herself from succumbing to more pain from laughter!
And that meant with every cat request now denied to these louts … they would finally do some work!
“Ohoho … ohohohohoho!! Behold and be afraid! Witness before you the coming of a new dawn, here to lift you from your days of boundless reverie! Unfurl the shutters and gaze upon a radiance so pure it brands your dallying minds! The scorching sun has come to test the snail’s back, and all that your bleary eyes see is a great salt lake to devour you whole! Shrivel as you cling upon the sweat which drips upon your brow, for that is the proof you’re yet alive!”
A sudden silence met my proclamation of their coming ordeal.
And then–
“Wooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
“I don’t understand! But what a speech!”
“If she can do it, so can we!”
I raised a hand to my lips, barely covering my smile.
“Ohhhohohohohohohoho … !”
Here it was!
Operation: Gainful Employment!
An entirely new strategy, as bold as it was uncharted!
By removing what was surely the vast majority of missing cat quests available to the adventurers of this town, they would have no choice, utterly none whatsoever, but to engage in actual work! The type of work adventurers openly advertised themselves as doing!
Monster subjugation! Crime prevention! Fetching artifacts from hidden dungeons and then succumbing to their wounds at the entrance while the Royal Treasury pocketed the treasure!
Yes, this was clearly a highly experimental tactic.
But what was I, if not a bastion of creativity?
At the very least, I utterly refused to accept the status quo! An organisation dedicated exclusively to rescuing lost cats or elbowing into my kingdom’s sovereign affairs was no good to me!
Thus … I could not cower like some towngirl nauseous from the smell of their revelry.
Instead, I would squeeze the Adventurer’s Guild dry until the day I replaced them with an army of trained poodles. Until that joyous day, I could never tear my eyes away when they waited to be robbed.
To do so was more than a dereliction of duty …
Why, I’d be an accomplice to their drunken escapades!
My vow remained unchanged. For my goal, I would brave any indignity. The ring I was hoping the receptionist would forget to return was proof of that.
And thus–
I stood tall as a summer reed, proud in the knowledge that I had no need to feel even an inkling of embarrassment over completing 94 simultaneous F-ranked commissions! …
“Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft.”
“S-Stop at once! You are not to laugh!”
“Pffffttt~”
“C-Coppelia!!”
Clearly not seeing the angel of self-sacrifice who I was, Coppelia held one hand tightly around her mouth. Even so, she failed to stop either the sound of her amusement or the tears falling from her eyes.
My only salvation was that it came at significant cost to her. Even now, she careened between laughter and painful regret.
I decided to offer both her and myself mercy.
Turning to the receptionist, I found a modest pouch already waiting upon the wooden desk. As well as a copper ring waiting beside it.
“Thank you for your service to the Adventurer’s Guild,” said the receptionist, her professional smile undaunted by the commotion. “Your total remuneration is 102 gold crowns, 7 silver crowns and 9 copper crowns. I’ve taken the liberty to compile all your separate payments together.”
I took the pouch and ignored the ring.
The receptionist pushed the ring forwards.
A long moment later, I collected it, uncertain what a receptionist would do if I tossed it into the communal cauldron, but knowing it would somehow still end up on my finger regardless.
With my head held high, I bravely ignored the chorus of voices unknowingly cheering for their own hardship as I swept past. Renewed tears and applause filled the hall. A few cats attempted to follow me. I stopped to shoo them away.
And then I was outside, the door closing behind me.
“... Goodness, that was quite the sight,” said Renise with a bemused smile. “It reminded me somewhat of the inns of Reitzlake’s docks. I wonder if all the halls of adventurers are like that, or merely those which you frequent?”
“Please don’t insinuate I’m responsible for the debauchery which occurs wherever the Adventurer’s Guild is concerned. That’s something I can claim no credit for.”
“You say that … but to me, it seems that you caused quite a stir. That really is a remarkable number of cats you rescued, after all. Even I can tell that 94 simultaneous F-ranked commissions–”
“Miss Renise.”
The maid’s smile wavered against whatever fatigued expression I was making.
A moment later, it fell away entirely as she switched to her role as my brother’s attendant and the leader of whatever scoundrels he’d charged her with herding.
“... Yes, I suppose there’s time for idle conversation later. There’s a guardhouse nearby. We should report on all that’s happened tonight.”
I gave a nod of agreement.
Hopefully, the baroness hadn’t woken from her stupor yet. But if she had, I was certain the single portrait of myself I’d returned to the wall of her gallery to smile down at her gagged and bound state would calm her nerves.
Renise hummed towards the direction of Hartzwiese’s centre, before returning her attention to me.
“If you wish to keep your identity incognito, I can see guards sent to where they’re needed using my own authority, and arrange for the appropriate seizure of the goods and crowns we’ve discovered.”
I beamed at once.
My, so prudent! It’s little wonder she was chosen by Roland!
“A judicious offer. And one I’ll accept gladly, providing the burden isn’t too severe.”
“This is merely an administrative task, and little burden compared to what both yourself and Miss Coppelia regularly perform. In any event, it is only efficient. I expect I’ll be spending a significant amount of time at the baroness’s farmstead. It is quite extensive. If possible, I would like to make use of it for Rose House. I imagine having such a facility close to the Granholtz border would have its uses.”
I nodded, already forgetting the barn’s existence.
“I encourage you to use your discretion as required. My brother has put his trust in you, and so I both expect and know that you shall not disappoint in furthering the kingdom’s prosperity.”
The young woman smiled. One filled with appreciation, but also lacking ambition.
Good.
An excellent combination as far as retainers were concerned.
“Thank you. Although I worry you place too much trust in my abilities. In truth, those like Baroness Arisa would have made for a greater asset to the kingdom. Her resourcefulness must be acknowledged.”
“It is not resourcefulness my kingdom requires. It is loyalty. And hers is a pit so empty it drains others.”
“That’s true. But at least we were able to acquire some useful things from her nonetheless.”
Renise pulled out a tiny vial from the belt around her thigh.
A golden liquid was stored within, glimmering with an unnatural light.
“These were in her chamber,” she said, her eyes lacking emotion as she surveyed the bright liquid. “When we met, she actually attempted to purchase my loyalty with this.”
“A suspect vial. How quaint. And what miracle did she promise?”
“One that would wake my parents from their curse of eternal slumber.”
“... And is it?”
“I don’t believe so, no. This is one of many identical vials I found in her chamber’s desk drawer. All prominently labelled with instructions to only drink as required to stave off the effects of bloating.”
Renise returned the vial to her belt with a slightly embarrassed smile.
“It’s still useful,” she admitted. “But just not for what I require.”
I gave a simple nod as my reply.
Nothing else needed to be said.
She hoped to see her parents wake from their prison of dormancy. An understandable wish. And one I wasn’t required to supplement with the comment that no pair named the Smuggler King and the Smuggler Queen were likely to receive as light a sentence as their daughter.
I could not speak on behalf of Roland. Although I imagined that as a kind man, he would prefer not to pass judgements which were total. But as the Crown Prince, he did not have the luxury of kindness.
It would take much to change their fate.
But perhaps that’s why Renise was here, still proving true, and not accepting stomach ailment potions from a baroness.
A moment of silence followed.
Renise gave a short sigh. And that was that.
She set her eyes on the task ahead–at least until whatever words she’d parted her mouth to say were interrupted by Coppelia’s humming instead.
“Sooooooooooooooo … you just want to wake up two people eternally sleeping, right?”
A small smile met her optimistic voice.
“If a cure were readily available, I’m certain I would have found it by now. I believe one might be possible, but it would take skill and ingredients beyond any apothecary I know of.”
“Well, sure, you could go that way. But what about going straight to the source instead?”
“The source?”
“Sure. They’re asleep, right? So just ask the one in charge of where they are now.”
“I’m … not quite sure I follow?”
Coppelia clapped her hands together and beamed.
“The Spring Court is the realm of dreams. Chances are, they must have shown their faces around a few times by now. If you ask the Spring Queen nicely, she might do you a favour.”
“The Spring Queen? … The fae?”
“Mmh~ luckily, we have someone with connections here!”
Renise was startled out of her reply.
It was nothing compared to me. The one being pointed at.
“Coppelia!” I said, truly aghast at the suggestion. “The fae are not to be taken lightly. Why, I still have nightmares about my conversation with the Winter Queen! I learned a side to royalty that day which I shall never forget … and I’m quite poorer for it!”
“You met … the Winter Queen?” asked Renise, her eyes suddenly wide.
“Unfortunately, yes, but I had zero intention of meeting her, and I’ve just as little intention of meeting any other fae as well. Including the Spring Queen.”
I waved away the coming query to declare what was just as important as my lack of enthusiasm.
“Besides, I’ve not the foggiest idea how I would even hope to use these supposed connections I have.”
“Oh, that’s the easy bit,” said Coppelia, her casual disregard for what counted as ‘easy’ more terrifying than any lout I’d met today. “The hard part is getting them to do what you want. But meeting them? The fae are creatures of stories. If the time is right, they’ll speak to you–one way or another.”
“Then they must book an appointment. One which I can formally reject.”
“I mean, I don’t think you have much choice. You didn’t last time, right?”
“The last time, I was sat beside the Winter Queen’s crown. I see no fae artifacts to hook me away. And that means utterly no scenario in which I could be abducted without my express–”
I suddenly stopped, clasping my hands around my mouth.
A moment later, I raised my arms in a martial art I’d just invented, turning repeatedly on the spot.
Renise blinked at me.
“Excuse me, but what are–”
“Shhshhshh!!”
I paused, gazing intently around at the quiet, dark streets of Hartzwiese, all the while ignoring Coppelia’s giggling at my near miss.
That … That was close!
“O-Oho … oho … I almost invited something terrible. Truly, it’s perhaps best not to needlessly voice things which Fae Queens and their deviant brand of magic could use …”
Coppelia nodded at me, as proud as she was clearly disappointed.
“You’re lucky. If the Spring Queen had a sense of humour, she’d have snagged you right there and then.”
“No. If the Spring Queen had a sense of humour, she’d wait until–”
Click.
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THESE CHANGES ARE JUST A CONCEPT
This post is about suggested changes to ADC itemization (and seryldas). The recent changes put all power into IE and made everything else weak except LDR, Mortal, Collector. Statikk is a joke and some zeal items are bad too.
I'm only doing this out of boredom and am not biased towards any champs (the last time I played was 6 months ago. Now I just test things). I simply think that this design of the new items is stupid.
It would make sense for them to put power into IE if they wanted to shift adcs power into lategame but now they just rush it anyways. Buffing it because of some items losing their crit chance also doesn't make sense because many got it increased so if you build crit items with IE it's a huge free buff which is why they had to nerf everything else. It's all a vicious circle of non sense.
The goal here is just to nerf mainly IE but also LDR, Mortal and if necessary Collector but I didn't include it.
At the same time buff Statikk so it actually makes sense, revert ER, rework Navori and PD, buff RFC and Runaans, remove/revert Shieldbow and some small changes to Bork/Kraken. Finally some buff to Serylda's grudge and change to its slow.

Infinity Edge - nerf
Crit damage: 50% >> 40%

.

Lord Dominiks Regards - nerf
AD: 45 >> 40

.

Mortal Reminder - nerf
AD: 40 >> 35

.

Statikk Shiv - buff
Cost: 2900 >> 2600
AD: 50 >> 40
Passive: The killed enemy (3s cd!!) also grants 0.5% permanent crit chance.
Wording update: Killing an enemy deals 90 magic damage to nearby enemies and grants 0.5% crit chance (3s cd on non-champions). On champion takedowns the damage is 270.

(This is BAD on yas/yone btw as it gives 0 crit when you buy it and their heavy waveclear is anti synergetic.)
Worst item in the game. My change is targeted for ADCs, especially with bad waveclear, who want to hit their IE powerspike sooner. By the time they get IE they will have some crit chance farmed but before it they will have practically none. Keep in mind you can only proc it every 3s so you don't get crit chance for each minion. The longer the game goes, the faster you clear waves so the less crit you get from one unless you take it slow in nasus style.
.

Essence Reaver - just revert it

They wanted to bring back old items but this is one of the worst ones. There's no fun about it, noone can really build and the one with sheen was one of the most satisfying items in the game. Gangplank now has to build sheen + crit item. Was a pointless bad change absolutely noone likes it.
.

Navori's Flickerblade - rework buff
Cost: 2600 >> 2800
Lethality: 0 >>10
AD: 0 >> 20
AS: 40% >>20%
(Still has 25% crit chance)
Build path: Zeal + dagger + dagger >> Zeal + Serrated Dirk

Doing poorly. My change looks broken but Dirk (20 ad, 10 lethality) is 1000g while 20% AS and 200g cost is 900g and it's supposed to be a buff. This is meant to make it an all-rounder item that can be used by both auto-attackers and casters with its cd reduction passive.
.

Phantom Dancer - rework
AS: 60% >> 40%
Passive: Become ghosted >> Attacks grant ghosting for 5s and vs champions also 5% crit chance up to 25%.

This is partially so the windbrothers have a decent 1 item spike as to somewhat compensate the IE nerf. 20% AS is 600g while 25% crit is 1000g but it needs to be stacked within 5 attacks. If you were to build a cloak with the current one it's 15% chance without stacking which isn't that big of a difference.
So what makes it good is not gold efficiency but that you can get a high amount of crit chance instead of other stats in only 2600g. So if it were to cost like 3200g it would be pointless. On adcs it's a very good combo with IE and also BT which lost its crit. (I also think the effect fits the image of the 2 sabers)
.

Runaan's Hurricane - buff
AS: 40% >> 60%
Passive bolts damage: 55% AD >> 40% AD
Build path: Zeal + Slingshot >> Zeal + Dagger + Dagger

Pretty much only twitch builds this, kog sometimes as 3rd item. This item is too weak after losing 30 onhit dmg. So I made this the heavy AS item in place of PD. Also why tf does it build from slingshot? Maybe the buff is too much I'm not very sure about this one.
.

Rapid Firecannon - buff
AS: 35% >> 40%
Passive energized bonus magic damage: 60 >> 50(+1 per 2% bonus attackspeed) (pre-conversion for jhin)

Again an item that is just too weak. Last patch it had 30 AD 20% AS now it just has 35% AS. It's really just compensation of a huge nerf (due to IE) from this patch. The attackspeed scaling makes it more synergetic with attackspeed as an item that doesn't synergize well with AS. Also fits the name.
.

Scout's Slingshot - buff
Damage: 40 >> 50
Cooldown: 40 (-1 per aa) >> 20 (-1 per aa)

You paid 300g for 40 dmg like every 20s...if autoing regularly
.

Kraken Slayer - buff vs tanky enemies
Passive damage: 140-310 >> 120-290
Passive increase: 0-50% increase based on 0-100% enemy missing hp >> 50% per proc on the same target up to 100%.

Its passive was straight up nerfed from 50-100% increase to 0-50% based on 0-100% missing hp (so 50% if the enemy is dead lol). It was supposed to be anti tank but now has nothing specialized against tanky enemies. This doesn't revert it entirely because it nerfs the base damage but it makes it deal more dps than burst. It's supposed to be a small buff vs tanks only.
3 procs atm deal about 140 * 1.3 = ~180 average dmg from 100 to 0.
Changed it's (120 + 180 + 240) / 3 = 180 average dmg but stays high on further procs.
At level 18 it's ~400 vs 435 average dmg (so it's a tiny buff lategame). All in all this is only better vs tanks not squishies. (If a squishy is low at the beginning it's even a nerf).
.

Blade of ruined King - small build path buff
AD: 55 >> 50 AS: 30 >> 35%
Build path: Pickaxe >> Heartbound axe (same as Kraken but vamp instead of rectrix)

5 AD is slightly better than 5% AS but it gets a bit better build path. It's a tiny buff because its scaling was hard nerfed. (15 AD is worse than 3% current hp (=~1.5% max hp) vs enemies with more than 1000 max HP. Not saying that the nerf wasn't mostly justified.)
.

Shieldbow - just remove it?

Noone builds this item. 12% lifesteal was 642 gold. 5 AD and 5% crit is only 375 gold. Plus lifesteal is more valuable in general.
Either add like 8% lifesteal back - or lower it's cost to like 2600g - or add AS/AD - or else remove it because bulding this is just a trap in its current state. It has 20% pickrate on samira as 3rd item and that's it. It's also red but has no lifesteal which is confusing.
.

Serylda's Grudge - buff
Cost: 3200 >> 3000
Slow: Abilities slow enemies below 50% hp by 30% for 1s >> Dealing physical damage to an enemy slows them by 20% for 2s (8s cooldown per enemy)

Serylda's is a bit too weak compared to cleaver and LDR. The LDMortal 5 AD nerfs from above and the lower cost on serylda should make it even. The slow with cd I think is a far better design for assassins and makes it not annoying with abilities like ezreal q.
I made it physical damage only mainly so yorick E doesn't proc it thus wasting it. This way his ghouls slow afterwards but only once due to the cd.

Hello, I’m quite new to Reddit. I don’t know which Reddit section I should choose so I chose this one. I’m a high school student and yet I already want to pass away. I know people might think that I’m only doing this for attention, but I’m not. I’ve been struggling with this type of thoughts ever since when I was in 6th grade. I wouldn’t do something repeatedly for many years just to gain attention. (I do not have a perfect grammar, I hope you can understand me)
I’ve thought about it many times, and the urge to do so this time is overcoming me. I can’t say I’m alone since I have my family, my girlfriend, and my friends. But I believe I can say that I don’t feel them most of the time. It’s almost as if I’m a ghost.
I don’t have a complete family. Rather, they’re mostly toxic and abusive, both physically and verbally. I’m from an Asian household and I don’t think those are some ways to properly discipline your child. I live with my grandparents from my mother’s side. I’ve gotten quite used to their treatment towards me as it has been going on for years. It’s kind of funny how I still remember this one line from my grandmother when I was in 3rd grade, “You’re old enough for me to kill you now.” And ever since, there was never a time wherein she never tried to kill me. I’m scared, to be honest. I don’t want to get killed either. But what else can I do? They see my explanation and defense as rebellion. I have no choice but to act numb. Now, it doesn’t hurt that much when my grandmother hurts me. The only time it stings is when it’s my mother who does the same thing. I’ve always thought, “how can a mother do this to her own daughter?” And I kept questioning myself that up until now. I even questioned my worth and existence. Every time a situation like that occurs, I just think that maybe I deserve those type of things since I wasn’t planned and maybe I’m just a bad person.
My father’s a cheater. He’s emotionally absent, and the side of my mother pulls me away from him. I’m kind of okay with it because I’ve always wanted what was the best for my mother. I don’t want to ever see her hurt because of my actions. My father used to beat me up when I was a child too. I don’t know but I vividly remember anything that hurts me. An example would be him beating me up because I spilled my milk on the bed. I was a kid, how was I supposed to know? What was I supposed to do?
As for my friends, I don’t feel any of them. They can’t see right through me. I always feel left out and it’s as if they’re doing well in my absence. That’s why I felt like I don’t have to worry about leaving them since I know they’ll be just fine. When I’m alive and they’re doing well with treating me like a ghost, what’s more if I really become one?
Though, I don’t really want to leave my girlfriend. I don’t want to leave her behind. She’s alone, and I’m her only ally since we’re in (kind of) the same situation. I’m gentle in loving her because she’s the most precious fragile thing in the world. My girlfriend is the kindest, purest, and sweetest girl you’ll ever meet. She’s truly the best, and I could never ask for more. I love her so much and I could never imagine a life without her. I can’t bear the thoughts of hurting and leaving her. She’s the only one that’s keeping me alive. Without her, I wouldn’t know where I am right now.
I’m also scared of what’ll happen in the future and what I’m going to be. What if everything gets worse? What if I don’t achieve my dreams? I hate disappointing everyone around me.
Please tell me the methods. I hope you can understand me.
Edit 1: Personally, I’ll never believe that anyone will mourn for me. I’m planning to break up with my girlfriend so it won’t hurt for her.

WRITER CHAOS: BY JAYLEN WHITE
Naruto busted into the room, excited about today’s adventure. Meanwhile, Your Mom is sleeping on a large bed, because a regular bed can’t fit her large size. “I’M GONNA BE HO-HO-HOKAGE!” Naruto shouts. Then, Micheal Jackson slowly moonwalks to the nearest Glock 18 “ABOUT TO SHHOT YA’S BEFORE YA BECOME WHATEVER YOU JUST SAID!” Micheal Jackson says. “Proceed to shoot me now! Nothing will stop me from becoming big leader man!” Naruto exclaims. Soon, Your Mom gets up, with each step causing the ground to rumble, and then proceeds to groan softly. “Man, that nap was amazing! Got anymore ice cream?” Naruto and Micheal Jackson scream in terror as they see the large abomination, confused on how somehow like Your Mom could be so big.
Meanwhile, Mr Beast is hosting yet another challenge…
“HEY, FIRST PERSON TO DIE GETS 100 MILLION DOLLARS!” Mr Beast quickly says. Soon, the people attending quickly try to commit suicide, but Mr Beast gets hit by a nuclear missile before that can even happen. Mr Beast smiles, as half of his body is literary torn apart, “Man, well the challenge still continues!”
Your Mom is walking towards the duo, preparing to chunk them out of existence. “I don’t like heavy stares…” Your Mom deeply says. Naruto and Micheal Jackson look at each other in shock, before proceeding to run away from the big fat momma. Your Mom is too heavy to run, so she must slowly walk towards the group.
The people attending Mr Beast’s challenge have all died! Leaving good ol Jimmy Donaldson. “Oi gee walikers! I sure had fun killing and forcing these people to die!” A dying body groans in the distance, wondering why he hasn’t received money… “H-H-Hey… I died first… WHY!?!” The person screams, as he slowly bleeds out to the beating he received earlier, from the other attendants. Mr Beast stand up, and somehow, his torn-up body is healed instantly. He then checks his watch, and looks up at the sky…
“Looks like they finally arrived.” Jimmy says, before teleporting to another location.
Soon, Your Mom finally arrived to where Naruto and Micheal Jackson hid. “What are you doing kid?” Batman abruptly says, before firing at Your Mom with a minigun. Your Mom, however, is unfazed. “I don’t like people who shoot me with large weapons.” Your Mom slowly walks towards Batman, and Batman screams in terror, and doesn’t even try to run...

Batman is slowly killed by Your Mom’s large strength.
Naruto peaks from the hiding spot, very frightened by the creature. Suddenly, Naruto feels a surge of energy run through him, he feels like he could take on Your Mom…
Naruto’s eyes turn a lil bit frog-like, like, those, fox eyes? Yeah those. He then launches Your Mom all the way through the ground, causing a bit of blood to appear on her tough exterior.
Your Mom responds by slowly walking towards Naruto, but Naruto swiftly breaks her arm before she can continue moving. “AHHHHH.” Your Mom’s arm starts spurting blood, before she slowly falls to the ground, and dies slowly…
Naruto relieves his form, before twerking on Your Mom to literal insanity. Micheal Jackson pulls out his Glock, before shooting Naruto straight in the head, killing him. “Finally got rid of that Nuisance.”
Chapter 2: Mr Beast vs Micheal Jackson.
After the quick death of Naruto, Mr Beast teleports in front of Micheal Jackson. “Hey bro,” Mr Beast looks at the dead body, “You sure were busy…” Micheal Jackson looks at Mr Beast in confusion, and shoots Mr Beast, with no retaliation. The bullet bounces off Mr Beast, and lands directly inside Micheal Jackson’s heart.
A bystander walks by, and slowly turns his pupils at the dead body, and the injured Micheal Jackson. “DON’T KILL ME! PLEASE?” Mr Beast walks towards the bystander, and Micheal Jackson slowly raises his gum at Mr Beast’s head. “W-WATCH OUT!” The Bystander screamed. It was too late, and Mr Beast was shot, and the bullet bounced off again! Micheal Jackson was killed almost instantly.

2 days later…
“Hrm… This substitute is quite fine… Il sees what I can do.” MS slowly says, as he injects Micheal Jackson’s dead body with strength serum. Soon, Micheal Jackson breathes again, and his wounds heal almost instantly, and his muscles bulge like John Cena’s. “I WILL KILL HIM!” Micheal Jackson says as he wakes up from his almost-eternal slumber.

Mini Story: Big Chungus and Rival Nomento
Big Chungus was casually binging on human meat, when his rival, Big Bunny Nomento eats a large amount, much more than him.
“Hey! I bet you stole that food, dummy!” Chungus says. Nomento looks at the bunny with anger, before launching him across the stratosphere. Big Chungus responds by diving straight into Nomento, but he luckily blocks before Chungus can kill him. “I’M ABOUT TO TURN YOU INTO A FOSSILIZED CREATURE!” Chungus says, before preparing for battle.
Micheal Jackson arrives at the place where Mr Beast was, where he was now editing his latest video. “Oh, you came back?” Mr Beast says in confusion, before Micheal Jackson brutally smashes him on the wall, where Mr Beast bounces off it like butter. “You can’t kill me, so stop trying!” Mr Beast says. Micheal Jackson roars in anger, before kicking Mr Beast into outer space, where he casually sips a smoothie.
Mr Beast falls back onto earth, where his body catches fire due to the high speeds. Where he destroys the entire area where Micheal Jackson was, but he too in unscathed.
Mr Beast sighs, refusing to attack Micheal Jackson. “HEY, IL KILL YOU!!!” Micheal Jackson says, before smashing Mr Beast repeatedly, trying to kill him. “Why won’t you just die…” Micheal Jackson says, with tears in his eyes.
Mr Beast finally proceeds to inflict damage on Micheal Jackson, by using his singular finger, to send Micheal Jackson flying into the halls, causing his bones to break, and his body to bleed.
“I’m sorry, but you can’t seem to stop, so I had to kill you. Goodbye friend.” Micheal Jackson looks at Mr Beast with anger, before slowly dying in his grasp.
MS appears at the scene, clapping with joy. “You killed my genetically enhanced being. Impressive.” He pulls a case of syringes, before finally selecting one. “Micheal Jackson will be back…”
Chapter 3: Too much sugar?
Naruto’s dead body lingered in the room, but that same menacing energy filled the area.
“LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Naruto awakens, preparing his next strike!
“W-What? Why am I here?” Naruto looks around, before walking out of the area he was in. Before landing on Micheal Jackson’s dead body.
Meanwhile, MS is preparing to make a clone of Naruto, who he still believes is dead, as he finishes, he gets a response. “Will kill target. Will get big leader man cape.” Evil Naruto has entered the scene!
Naruto screams, thinking that Micheal Jackson was brutally murdered. “WHY, WHO? HOW!” He looks at Micheal Jackson’s big muscles, and realizes that he doesn’t look like he’s decomposing, at all. He sees a fluid leaking out of him, and he proceeds to drink it. His body instantly changes, and he feels like he could destroy anything. He’d gained the powers that Micheal Jackson once had. Suddenly, Naruto hears a rumbling sound in a pile of metal, and C-12 appears, a large robot that attacks anything it sees. C-12 proceeds to launch Missiles at Naruto, which he somehow easily destroys with his bare hands, before proceeding to rip C-12 limb from limb, only leaving the head. He then swiftly runs away, and leaps onto the nearest building with surprising ease. “Man. That was quick. Didn’t know I could do that!”
Evil Naruto is sent out to retrieve Micheal Jackson’s body, and on the way, he notices Regular Naruto, looking very similar to him. “YOU THERE, STATE YOR INTENTIONS” E Naruto says. R Naruto looks at E Naruto with surprise, thinking that is it another robot. He then proceeds to rush towards E Naruto, who easily dodges all the attacks.
E Naruto swiftly back chops Naruto in the neck, before bagging him up, and heading back to MS. He walks past the area, destroying every building in sight, and every human in sight as well. He then arrives at the base, where MS works on creating a serum for Micheal Jackson.
“MS… That boy didn’t die, I found him.” He opens the bag, revealing an unconscious R Naruto, in which he slowly slumps on the floor, before waking up In shock. “AWAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY AM I HERE, WHO’S THAT KID WHO BEAT ME UP?!” R Naruto exclaims, while making rapid movements due to surprise.
MS slowly walks towards R Naruto, before chaining him up swiftly, and grabbing a white syringe. And Injecting Naruto with it. R Naruto began to twitch and flicker, before closing his eyes, once a nice blue shine, now turned into evil red eyes. Evil Naruto looks around, looking at the chained up Regular Naruto, now infected.
Mini Story: Big Chungus and Rival Nomento P2.
Nomento releases a flurry of strikes against Big Chungus, ferociously beating him up, but Big Chungus responds by absorbing the attacks, and launching himself directly at Noemnto, crushing him, and allowing Big Chungus to bleed out.
He was now victorious.

Chapter 4: Infected VS Defected
Infected Naruto went back to the location he was beaten, and then searched for Micheal Jackson. When he finally arrived, he didn’t see Micheal Jackson, but instead a note, saying “I LIKE MEN.” Soon after he read the note, he was knocked unconscious.
“Hey, what should we do?” DanTDM said. Micheal swiftly chained up Infected Naruto, and signaled Dan to hand him a syringe. “I bet MS did this…” Micheal said. Dan handed Micheal a syringe, and Micheal Slowly tried to take out what Naruto was infected with, but before he could finish, the entire area was destroyed! “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, YOU TRIED LMAO.” Evil Naruto said, before swiftly stabbing DanTDM, and bagging them up. “I can kill you easily!” Micheal Jackson exclaimed, before charging at Evil Naruto.
Evil Naruto easily grabbed Micheal’s leg and threw him across the room. “How!” Micheal said. “Well, I’m just better than you.” Evil Naruto said. Infected Naruto soon woke up, looking at the aftermath, yet he does not speak, and swiftly slashes the chains with his bare hands.
“Great job my little Naruto!” Evil Naruto said, before leaving the area, along with Infected Naruto.
“Huff, Puff…” Micheal Jackson said, before moving away the rubble, and swiftly looking at the syringe. It had parts of the serum, so, if he injected himself with it, he would be stronger.
Meanwhile, Mr Beast is finished editing his video. Before he can click on export, his entire room is destroyed! By… C-12? That same robot killed by Naruto! C-12 swiftly tries to kill Mr Beast, but he easily breaks apart one of his repaired arms, causing C-12 to retreat, but we now know he’s still alive…
Mr Beast is annoyed that his house was destroyed, and he decided to go outside instead.
Meanwhile, Infected Naruto is demolishing cities, while polka dancing rapidly. Evil Naruto is watching by the sidelines, looking for any of Micheal’s friends.
Micheal Jackson injected himself with the syringe and is now rushing towards Evil Naruto “YOU DIE NOW!” As soon as he gets there, Micheal Jackson punches Evil Naruto in the face, launching him across the destroyed buildings. Evil Naruto begins to bleed out, huffing and puffing like Bill Mercury.
Infected Naruto is still destroying the buildings, and he has not noticed the assault. Micheal Jackson continues by destroying and battering Evil Naruto’s face, who is now fully dead. Mr Beast walks by the assault and looks at Micheal Jackson with surprise. “You’re still killing people?” Mr Beast says, while casually walking away.
Micheal Jackson was now targeting Infected Naruto, but he had left after Evil Naruto was brutally killed. So, he decided to head back to MS, where he was originally given the power to stand up to Mr Beast.
MS soon found the news, from the brain chip imbedded in Evil Naruto. MS, angered, decided to inject himself with the GOD Syringe, one that would make him extremely powerful… Enough power to destroy the universe, and to destroy those who oppose him.

MS’s muscles bulge, and he turns into a cosmic being, well, looks like one, and he is now ready to strike. Divine MS has entered the scene!

Chapter 5: Micheal Jackson, and Big Chungus
Days after the events of chapter 4 happened, Micheal Jackson decided to go to the hospital, to support the people that were injured due to Evil Naruto’s antics. While walking towards the white walls, he notices a extremely large rabbit., who is eating several chicken tenders.
“Hello? Are you seriously eating while injured?” Micheal said. The large rabbit looked at Micheal, before introducing himself. “I’m Big Chungus. I’m fine, so don’t worry about me. These dumb humans think I’m hurt!” Big Chungus rolls over, revealing a hole in his chest, that was caused due to the battle he had with Nomento.
“You have a hole in your chest, and you’re able to digest food???” Micheal said in confusion. “Yeah, it’s just how bunnies work.” Chungus said, before standing up and walking out of the room.
Micheal Jackson ignored the encounter, and prepared to leave the hospital as well…
Micheal Jackson saw Big Chungus, ripping apart a human, and eating it. Micheal Jackson immediately prepared to fight Chungus, but it was a totally different bunny. “Hey, I’m Nomento,” Nomento easily went behind Micheal, as if moving at the speed of light. “Die” Suddenly, Nomento easily knocked Micheal across the room, but it didn’t faze Micheal. “Hey, that hurt! Come on, fight like a… What are you exactly?”
Micheal Jackson rushed towards Nomento, before smashing his face into the ground, and throwing him across the city. Micheal Jackson leaped towards Nomento, and side chopped him straight into the ground. But Nomento was unfazed.
“You are weak. I will kill you.” Nomento walked towards Micheal, who was in shock. Nomento clutched Micheal’s neck and began choking him rapidly. Micheal tried to resist, but it was futile.
Suddenly, an even larger bunny arrived, it was Big Chungus! He swiftly impaled Nomento with his bare hands, and threw him into the outer space, before leaping all the way up to him, delivering multiple punches to every part of the chest.

Micheal Jackson watched in awe as Big Chungus easily defeated Nomento, the one who beat Micheal up with ease. Micheal Jackson rushed towards the fallen Nomento, before looking at Big Chungus. “How’d you do that?” Micheal said. “I’m just very strong!” Chungus responded.
Meanwhile… Infected Naruto was at MS’s laboratory.
“Hm… Good job my little experiment. Time to put you to sleep…” MS said, before walking towards his vat of Naruto clones, preparing to wreak havoc on the cites, and the entire world…
One by one, the Naruto clones went out of their respective vats, before grabbing a bag, and a few weapons, and leaving the lab.
Micheal Jackson was having a nice time, at their nearest McDonalds, with Bog Chungs eating 3 Big Macs, and Micheal Jackson trying to bend a wall with a French fry. “I can’t begin to imagine how you got that strong.” Micheal Jackson said, while accidently breaking the French fry he tried to use.
Big Chungus had a lot of training done to get as strong as he is now…

Chapter 6: THE ONE.
Big Chungus was a normal bunny, who did normal bunny things, like stick carrots up his anus. Big Chungus was just Regular Chungus, and his rival, Nomento, was also a normal bunny, who was just a few ounces bigger than him.
Nometo left the fields that Big Chungus laid, to search for more carrots to stick up Chungs’s anus. Chungus was starving, since there were no more carrots to stick his anus in. So, he resorted to EATING HUMANS. One after another, he ate humans, buckets of them. He got bigger and bigger, and gained the nickname, Big Chungus.
Once Nomento came back with carrots, it was revealed that he was the reason that the fields ran out of carrots, angering Big Chungus, and causing him to destroy half of the Earth… Nomento was surprised, and tried to fight back, but was led to the original Earth of 252, where his counterpart was rivaling Big Chungus, and where the Earth wasn’t cut in half. (This means there are 2 Big Chunguss and 2 Nomentos)
The Nomento of Earth 252 wasn’t that nice, and loved to kill random humans, not for food, but for fun. Big Chungus was the same as Earth 234 (The Earth Big Chungus destroyed half of) Big Chungus just didn’t destroy half the earth this time. That raises the question, which Big Chungus is Micheal Jackson talking to?
Meanwhile…. Someone else is…. Questionably destroying the Sears Tower…
DA HE-SC-SPY GROUP!
The group swiftly polka danced their way to the tower, before bombing it with several grade-3 tanks. “DESTROY DA BUILDING NOW!” Heavy said, before launching several nuclear missiles at the tower, and then proceeding to kill everyone near the tower using his mini gun. Meanwhile, Scout is running up the walls, placing down multiple bombs, shaped like chocolate bunnies. “Time to explode the… Can’t think of a good pun.” Scout said, before releasing the bombs, exploding half of the Sears Tower, and causing the tower to come falling.
Spy is disguising himself as a coworker for the company, swiftly killing every worker internally via his kunai from space.
BOOM! The sound of Divine MS busting into the room frightens everyone… The aura that Divine MS gives off, it’s like a thousand big macs, but scarier and tastier. Divine MS easily picks up the falling tower and launches it into space at the speed of light, leaving Spy to scream in terror as he tries to escape the tower, and he is barely able to jump out safely onto ground.
“I have created a clone of me, to work… WHILE I’M DESTROYING THIS PLANET.” Divine MS says, before swiftly picking up a piece of the ground, and throwing it at Heavy, the big guy of the DHS group. Heavy responds by destroying the rubble with his mini gun, but the rubble is too strong, and Heavy his incapacitated by the rubble, and Scout rushes towards him, trying to free him by using his ultra-fast legs.
Divine MS easily arrives behind Scout, at near light speed, before kicking Scout across the entire Earth, causing him to fall unconscious almost instantly, and leaving Heavy to stare at the chaos that unfolds…
But, Mr Beast slowly arrives, staring at the chaos, unfazed by the events. “So, you’ve created a super powerful version of yourself?” Mr Beast easily side chops Divine MS, before he can even react. Divine MS was knocked out by Mr Beast…. “Such weaklings… Well, cya later humanity!” In the blink of an eye, Mr Beast teleports away, going back to… Who knows where?
Chapter 7: The No AU Group
Micheal Jackson was unaware of the events that happened, so was Big Chungus. Da He-Sc-Spy group was luckily able to live to see another day but decided to take a break for a while. Heavy, the tank man of the group, decided to continue doing missions, as he was the only one who wasn’t knocked out by Divine MS.
“Ok, that’s it!” Scout said to Spy, “He’s left again to do another DANGEROUS mission! I don’t want our human shield to die!” Spy was too battered up to say anything, and just nodded in agreement, while slowly preparing to grab a cup of milk.
Meanwhile… Multiple Naruto’s roamed the streets, and it was unclear who the real Naruto was… All the Naruto’s prepared to destroy every building, and started killing civilians, good, and bad. And Micheal Jackson swiftly left the restaurant to deal with the situation. “I’m not letting Big Chungus take all the fame!” Micheal said, before preparing to destroy the entire batch of Naruto’s.
But…. Half of the infected Naruto’s rushed after Micheal, battering him up and ripping him apart, as he watched the other Naruto’s slowly destroy the city. Out of nowhere, the Naruto’s heads were popped off, by what seems to be Mr Beast… “You again!” Micheal Jackson said.
“I don’t know you… I don’t know anyone from here…” Mr Beast says, unaware of Michal Jackson. “But we fought! You killed me!” Micheal Jackson said, “No, this is my first time on this earth, Who are you?” Mr Beast replied. Micheal Jackson was shocked, how did Mr Beast not know the person he killed just days ago?
“Wait, I don’t have an Earth, nor a universe. I just save planets from power hungry things. I bet you have a ‘Me’ in this dimension, right?” Micheal Jackson swiftly backed away, assuming that Mr Beast was capable of interdimensional travel. “That guy, is a maniac.” Micheal Jackson whispered, before running away from the dead cloned Naruto’s.
“Wait, don’t go! I didn’t mean to scare you!” Mr Beast said, before swiftly chasing after Micheal Jackson. “I have a group of friends, who also don’t have a universe. I call it the No AU group. You should contribute to it.” Mr Beast stated, before swiftly arriving in front of Micheal Jackson out of nowhere.
“No…. You’re an idiot for thinking I’d join a group with similar people like you!” Micheal Jackson replied, and soon after, Micheal Jackson attempted to attack Mr Beast with his massive muscles. “DIE!!!!” Mr Beast was easily able to dodge the attack, and counter with a swift blow to the stomach, causing Micheal Jackson to hold up in agony.
“We used to have universes, but they were destroyed by the hands of another Mr Beast. We call him Evil Mr Beast, cause what he did was, well, evil.” Mr Beast stated, before reaching out to help Micheal Jackson. “Well, I guess every Mr Beast is insanely strong…” Micheal Jackson said quietly.
Suddenly, a group of different Mr Beast’s arrived at the scene and began to look at each other casually. Every Mr Beast began talking, before walking over to the Mr Beast interacting with Micheal Jackson. “This is the No AU group, the one I just told you about. We have to go, but we’ll meet again soon, probably.” Mr Beast walks towards his group, before teleporting off somewhere, just like Mr Beast…
“I wonder if there are groups of me?” Micheal Jackson pondered…
Heavy was on another mission and was swiftly taking care of everything in his sight. No attack affected him, and he was easily able to complete missions even while injured. Seems like a horror movie to me.
Chapter 8: Turn for the… LURK.
The real infected Naruto lie in MS’s lab, who was currently working on a big project, while Infected Naruto was leading the next batch of his clones, not being able to control his body at all. “I wish I could end this…. But I’ve just given up at this point.” Naruto thought, while mindlessly leading the batch of clones.
Heavy was on a mission, to take care of a… Peculiar assignment, which involved killing multiple enemies that looked the same, possibly clones of Naruto. “DON’T DO IT! DON’T GO ON ANOTHER MISSION!” Scout signaled. Heavy still went though, like a giga chad or smth.
The batch of Naruto’s destroyed the city thus more, killing every person in sight, and destroying every building possible. Then… DanTDM arrives at the scene. “You thought I WAS DEAD?” DanTDM said, before revealing his mechanical body. “Sadly, that dumb MS thought I was going to obey him, and he gave me this cool mechanical body too! Now, mate, Il kill all of you, and save this city!”
DanTDM swiftly launched several missiles at the Naruto’s, causing most of them to die. DanTDM then extended his mechanical arms and grabbed up a batch of Naruto’s, before destroying them by sending them flying in the air. This left about 24 Naruto’s left, who quickly fled the scene in fear of being killed. Who knew CLONES were sentient.
Quickly after, Heavy arrived at the scene, surprised to see that the situation was already resolved. “Did you seriously steal my kills?” Heavy said, before frowning sadly. “It’s the city we’re talking about! Why would I hesitate to kill clones?” DanTDM said, before swiftly leaving the area using his mechanical arms to grapple his way out.
Meanwhile, the clones are still running, swiftly hiding in halls, and climbing up buildings, before arriving at the destroyed lab DanTDM was previously. “So, clones, we have to hurry up and increase our usage of tech, so we can kill that dumb British robot guy.” A clone said, before grabbing a chunk of metal and grinding it down using another chunk of metal.
The clones agreed, and prepared to clean up the lab, and use piles of wood they found to rebuild the lab, thus creating the DanTDM lab 2.0. The clones began working and made a set of weapons that can easily cut through DanTDM’s robot material, allowing for a quick and easy kill. “Hey, I found a syringe on the floor!” One of the clones said, before picking up the syringe and throwing it at another clone. “We can use this...”
The clones began to use the metal and wood to create a liquid substance that hardens the skin for a short period of time. “If we produce this in mass, we be hardening the world with this, bruv.” A clone said, before injecting himself with the syringe, causing his skin to feel hard and heavy. One of the clones tried to punch the hardened clone, causing their hands to break. “I guess it works….” The clone said, before rubbing his arm slowly.
Day after day, the Naruto clones made even more inventions, and decided to hide their identity by using human suits and planned on stealing from MS to get even more supplies. “That dumb MS doesn’t even pay us!” A clone said, “Well, we are clones…” Another clone said. “Why is he even called MS? Is that a nickname?” The clones made a plan…
And they were gonna follow it.

Chapter 9: The reality breakers.
Micheal Jackson was in distress, after meeting multiple Mr Beast versions, and now contemplating if they are even from this earth.
“Seems like you’re questioning reality.” A mysterious figure said, slowly walking towards Micheal Jackson. “Trust me, I’ve been through worse, MUCH WORSE.” Micheal Jackson swiftly went into a battle stance, preparing to fight.
“Hey, hey! I’m not dangerous, unlike the various other people you’ve met…” The figure said, before somehow appear in front of Micheal Jackson in what seems like the speed of light. “I’m Deez Nuts. Apart of the reality breakers, don’t know why we’re called that though…. Just call me Din.” Din slowly rubs his back, before placing his hands on Micheal Jacksons shoulder.
“So, first I meet an invincible being, and now I meet you?” Micheal Jackson says in fear, before slowly backing up. “I won’t hurt you bruv, believe me. I know everything, so don’t even try to hide it. I’m powerful than that Mr Beast guy, I don’t even need to teleport, I can just move so fast, that I arrive their instantly.” Din says, before somehow arriving behind Micheal Jackson, FASTER THAN LIGHT?
“When someone questions reality, that’s when we come in. We’re there because you no longer believe we’re NOT there.” Din says. Micheal Jackson looks up, then down, and then back at Din. “I just want to eat a taco man.” Micheal Jackson says. “Ok, I need to give you some info. So, the readers can understand a bit of things.” Din says, “What readers?” Micheal Jackson replies.
“Just listen bruv. Clones of Naruto are planning on killing MS, but they’re gonna get absolutely flawlessed. Not like you need to know *wink*. The leader of the clone group is Naruto Prime, and Infected Naruto is the regular Naruto that you originally wanted to kill. Divine MS would be the original MS, any other MS you see that isn’t strong is just a clone. Just know… Il be here whenever you have questions!”
Micheal Jackson was more confused than an acorn that had been injected with several ounces of cocaine. Due to this, Micheal Jackson fell unconscious, and Din walked away, waving in the distance. (Hey, Din here. This is how il talk to you. The story is all jumbled about, and I’m the only serious character you’ll see for a while! So, when you see parentheses, just know it’s me! I’m here to make sure no one makes assumptions about the story.)
The clones went about, carefully splitting up to gain more intel on humans, and to hopefully kill MS. Naruto Prime, (The leader.), was swiftly able to store most of the hardening serum, and able to give it to most of the other Naruto clones. Naruto Prime oversaw when the serums would be used. “Hey bruv, go ahead and MOVE OUT!” Naruto Prime said to the group with it, and the group complied. The clones went to MS’s lab, which was luckily close by, hidden by a flock of birds, that Naruto Prime took care of with the hardening serum.
The clones dispatched, and went to the clone vat, revealing Infected Naruto, the person in charge of dispatching the clones. “YOU!!!!” Naruto Prime yelped, before swiftly attacking the vats of clones, and ordering the other clones to fight Infected Naruto. “Die.” Infected Naruto said, before easily knocking out half of the clones, leaving only a few left. (The clones aren’t dead.). Naruto Prime was able to run away, and bring the clones with him before Infected Naruto could do anything, but their plan had failed, and they didn’t even reach MS…

Chapter 10: The Finale? (2 pages longer lol)
Everyone conflicts with one another. Micheal Jackson needs to defeat Naruto, the clones of Naruto are fighting against Naruto and MS, and Big Chungus needs to fight Nomento. One question remains, who will win?
“Heh looks like this battered up robot is still here. How about I fix you up.” Micheal Jackson says, picking up C-12’s body, and walking towards the area where he builds stiff. Micheal Jackson adds missile launchers onto C-12, and sharp and heavy armor to keep him defended, he also adds a self-destruction button, so he can have a final comeback.
“I’m gonna kill Naruto, and MS too. Il makes sure it ends with a big explosion that you see on TV.” As the robot wires up, it begins to beep in unheard ways, and Micheal Jackson hears a big BOOM outside the workshop…
“WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS?” Mr Beast yelps, looking at another Mr Breast, who seems to wear a pirate eye patch, along with a black suit, and looks, well, evil. Micheal Jackson goes outside, and sees the Evil Mr Beast, destroying everything with ease, and being able to harm Regular Mr Beast. It seems Evil Mr Beast is something.
Meanwhile, the clones hatch another plan, they were the creators of C-12, and used that robot to originally capture Nartuo. The clones had planned on creating another prototype, C-15. Yep, they tried to do these 2 more times, and had finally created a better robot. It came with the best AI the world could offer too! “Ok, the robot is ready to launch!” A nerdy Naruto said, before typing things on the terminal that controlled the robot.
“Do it, launch the robot!” Naruto Prime said, before swiftly ordering the other clones to guard the robot as it booted up. “C-15 at your service.” The robot said, causing the entire room to be filled with screams of happiness, the robot had finally worked.
Micheal Jackson had no choice but to grab the modified version of C-12, which he nicknamed, Scrapy, mainly because the robot seems to always get destroyed. Micheal Jackson had also improved the AI, so Scrappy should be smarter now, right? Micheal Jackson hears the commotion between Regular Mr Beast and Evil Mr Beast. Based off what he heard from the No AU group, Evil Mr Beast is going to destroy his universe…
The No AU group rushes past Micheal Jackson, with no time to talk, and they proceed to join the fight against Evil Mr Beast, while Micheal Jackson runs away in fear. If Micheal Jackson was able to kill Naruto’s evil counterpart, couldn’t he kill Mr Beasts? No, its too dangerous, Micheal Jackson wouldn’t want to die, after he just made a super powerful robot.
“Hey ol mate, why you running from the danger? I CRAVE DANGER.” Scrappy had woken up, and swiftly used his rocket powered legs to boost up towards the No AU group, forcing Micheal Jackson to run towards Scrappy, since he didn’t want to have his precious baby destroyed lol.
“So, you want to join the war efforts?” Mr Beast said, the one that’s the leader of the NAU group. “Fine, Il do it, just because my dumb robot has a death wish.” Micheal Jackson sighed, before swiftly throwing large chunks of rock at Evil Mr Beast, barely dodging his attacks, and barely able to keep up with his insane speed, that faster than Din (That’s me :D) Evil Mr Beast really is something else, but out of nowhere, Big Chungus arrives at the scene, preparing to launch his large body at Evil Mr Beast.
“Take that ya dumb knock-off!” Big Chungus screams. Despite not making a dent in Evil Mr Beast, he did gain confidence from that quick encounter. “Hey, you’re here too!” Micheal Jackson says, “Yep, I had enough time to check on you, and look what I found….” Big Chungus looks at the No AU group, and the maniac robot trying to fight Evil Mr Beast head on. Big Chungus then looks at Micheal Jackson, his friend, and the one who taught him that eating humans is well, bad.
Infected Naruto walks towards another vat of clones, preparing to strike, but suddenly, he hears a knock on the door. The door BLASTS open, and a large robot, named C-15 arrives, attack Infected Naruto while sustaining little to no damage. Naruto Prime and the other clones watch in the background as Infected Naruto is slowly being defeated.
Infected Naruto is finally killed, or it looks to be that way. The serum that lingered in Infected Naruto was now gone, and he was able to think freely again. “W-What. WAIT, WHY AM I BEING ATTACKED?” Naruto said, before getting into a battle stance. “Wait, you’re telling me you’re not going to attack us?” Naruto Prime said, “WELL YOU ATTACKED ME!” Naruto said, before running away from the robot, and Naruto Prime, and out the lab.
“Phew, got away from those weird people, who look like me for some reason.” Naruto thought, before seeing a very large hole in the ground, caused by Evil Mr Beast. “Nope.” Naruto turns back, and leaves the area, too scared to be killed, and experimented on, for the third time.
Meanwhile, the clones advance to the first floor, where MS lie.
Evil Mr Beast begins to fly up in the air, and make a literal black hole, which absorbs everything around it. “I do not understand. Just give up already!” Evil Mr Beast says, throwing the black hole at Original Mr Beast, killing him almost instantly. It almost kills the leader of the NAU group too. Scrappy is somehow still standing, and still wants to fight Evil Mr beast, despite what happened.
TripTraps Guide to the Multiverse.
I’m TripTrap, certified hunter of the Multiverse, and how about I introduce you to the encounters you just witnessed. You firstly saw a very powerful character, and you saw another powerful character die as well (Why are you here?) Shut u- I mean, of course I must be here, a very important character died! Well, it was more of which the fact that he was alive since chapter 1…. Never mind that, now that Mr Beast has died, I can finally prepare… THE TOKEN OF REVIVAL! That means, if Mr Beast is revived (For whatever reason -_-) Then Il be here to announce when this token was used! TripTrap, the reality breaker of announcement, signing off! (Can we get to the story already?)
Half of the NAU group rush towards Evil Mr Beast, and for all their efforts, a bit of damage was done of Evil Mr Beast, just a little tiny scar on the face, its microscopically big. It’s still damage though! Big Chungus decides to run away, who wants to face a black hole?
The clones head towards MS and use the robot to beat him up with ease, as he’s not in divine form at all. “W-What? How?” MS says in fear, before getting brutally mashed open, mangled, and then thrown out by C-15. “That’s how you kill an evil scientist!” Naruto Prime says, before heading back out the lab, and towards the clones.
“Hey! We did it, I killed MS!” Suddenly, Divine MS appears behind Naruto Prime… “Oh, did you now? Good job for defeating my clone.” Divine MS easily decapitates Naruto Prime with just a flick of the finger, and he menacingly walks towards the clones. (Are you serious? Wait, it seems Naruto Prime wasn’t too important of a character, meh.)
Chapter 11: Chicken Bobby.
The NAU group are still fighting Evil Mr Beast, and Micheal Jackson and Scrappy have already left, due to unknown reasons. The leader of the NAU group, named Mr Beast Prime, orders the other Mr Beast’s to retreat, as Mr Beast Prime will fight off Evil Mr Beast by himself.
“Are you seriously facing me? After I killed the other Mr Beast?” Evil Mr Beast responds, before swiftly punching Mr Beast Prime across the room, “Never Fear, Chicken Bobby is here!” Suddenly, a humanoid chicken punches out Evil Mr Besst, and despite doing no damage, it doesn’t seem like he is doing any damage either.
“A chicken? Seriously?” Evil Mr Beast tries to attack Chicken Bobby, but nothing happens to him, not even a scratch. Mr Beast Prime swiftly grabs Chicken Bobby, and holds him at a, well, “Chicken Shield?”, before swiftly attacking Evil Mr Beast using Chicken Bobby’s very hard skin, or, well, tenderness….
“I don’t mind, use me as a weapon!” Chicken Bobby says, before going into an even harder state, allowing Mr Beast Prime to somewhat damage Evil Mr Beast. “AHHHHH! LEAVE ME ALONE!” Evil Mr Beast flies away, throwing another large black hole, directly at Earth. Chicken Bobby begins to stretch out and widen, turning into a large shield, and blocking the earth from the black hole, somehow surviving it.
Mr Beast Prime is shocked, and runs away, thinking about what that being could possibly be. It may not be able to do that much damage, but it sure is durable! Evil Mr Beast grins, before running off, to who knows where…
Meanwhile, the clones must face Divine MS. “Hey, I don’t want to die!” A clone said, before swiftly running away, but easily being killed by Divine MS, and one by one, the clones are killed…. Expect one clone that is, who managed to hide among the dead body of the clone MS, and is lying there, faking death. (We’ll call him Naruto Prime 2) Divine MS had no comments to make, other than “Weak…”, and Divine MS swiftly went away, jumping at light speeds.
“Oh no you don’t!” Mr Beast Prime says, holding his Chicken Bat (Who is Chicken Bobby) high up in the air. “You dare try to stop me?” Divine MS says. But Mr Beast Prime easily knocks out Divine MS with his Chicken Bat, launching him high up in the air instantly.
Naruto Prime 2 saw this and rushed towards Mr Beast Prime. “Hey, can I come with you?” Naruto Prime 2 says, before swiftly resting inside Mr Beast Prime’s bag, softly sleeping almost instantaneously. Mr Beast Prime had seen weirder, and therefore went along with it, putting his Chicken Bat in his weapon holster, and grabbing Divine MS’s body.
Mr Beast had died, the one who had been prominent for defeating the big and the bad, and now a new Mr Beast enters the scene, Mr Beast Prime, and his fights against Evil Mr Beast. The Arc between Micheal Jackson and Naruto, have officially ended…
Well, time to add some filler!
“So, I’m Chicken Bobby, and I was brought here to make random dialogue to end this chapter quickly, so, Il tell you more about me. I can shapeshift into anything, and I am the hardest object in the multiverse, or so I’m told… I also, well, ok, I can’t think on anything else to say. Ok, let’s end this this chapter NOW!”

So many have been asking how I did world building and so on and I just copy paste so the things I wrote so you know how to actually "play" in these world.
P.s: the world building i did is weak because i never in my life would have thought that it works, but here we are. Again, thought this app can only do your homework n shit lol. Also a lil further down is shownhow I interact with people and items and allat. Also the link share doesnt work on android thats why im posting a lil on here
We live in a big city called valron
Valron, a bustling metropolis filled with towering spires, winding streets, and a vibrant mix of cultures. What's the city known for?
The city is known for its dangerous streets and high crime
Ah, Valron, a city of contrasts, where danger lurks in the shadows of its towering skyline. How do the inhabitants navigate these perilous streets?
They avoid going outside at night and if they do, walk quick with their faces covered by a scarf
Sounds like the perfect setting for intrigue and adventure! Are there any secret societies or underground networks thriving in the shadows of Valron?
Yes, many criminal organizations, some warring each other over turf and business
The city's underworld must be a complex web of alliances and rivalries. Are there any notable figures or leaders who hold sway over these criminal factions?
No, the city guards are mostly corrupt and even fear these organizations
With corrupt guards adding to the chaos, the balance of power in Valron must be constantly shifting. Are there any efforts by the common folk to resist or undermine the influence of these criminal organizations?
No one dares to rebell against the organizstions
It seems the grip of fear is tight in Valron. Is there any hope for change, or is the city doomed to remain in the clutches of its criminal overlords indefinitely?
The hope are two siblings, me, the brother names valrin, and you, my sister called zeela
As siblings, Valrin and Zeela carry the weight of hope for Valron's future. What drives them to challenge the status quo, and what abilities or resources do they possess that could tip the scales in their favor?
Zeela is stubborn, but brave. Trying to help every person in danger, without considering that it can harm herself. She is 17 years old.
Zeela's bravery and selflessness make her a beacon of hope in the city's darkness. But her impulsiveness could also make her vulnerable. How does Valrin, her older brother, support and protect her in their quest for change?
Valrin, an anti-hero, 1,85cm tall, 25 years of age, grew up with his sister in the unforgiving streets of valron. Their parents murdered, they seek a way to get out of the city. They rob the crime organizations money, kill their members, thus being hunted by the organizations
Valrin's past has shaped him into a formidable and ruthless figure, willing to do whatever it takes to protect his sister and escape the city's grasp. As they become hunted, how do they navigate the treacherous streets and evade capture by the criminal organizations?
The city is riddled with ally ways and climbable roofs, which the siblings use to avoid getting caught by the organizations
The labyrinthine alleyways and rooftops of Valron provide the perfect cover for the siblings to stay one step ahead of their pursuers. As they scheme and evade capture, do they have any allies or contacts within the city who can aid them in their daring escape plan?
Having grown up with the beggars in the streets, they have many contact. They always know whats going on in the streets.
Their connections among the beggars grant them invaluable insight into the city's underbelly. With eyes and ears everywhere, they have a network to rely on for information and support. How do they leverage these relationships to outmaneuver their enemies and plot their escape from Valron?
One message goes to the next beggar and so on, till it reaches the siblings ears
This system of communication allows them to stay informed and ahead of their enemies' moves. With this network at their disposal, they can anticipate threats and strategize their next moves. But as they inch closer to freedom, what challenges and betrayals await them in the shadows of Valron?
Zeela has a special gift, she can turn invisible.
Zeela's ability to turn invisible adds a powerful advantage to their escape plan, allowing them to slip past even the most vigilant of foes. But such a gift also comes with its own risks and limitations. How does Zeela learn to control her powers, and how do they use this ability to their advantage in their daring escape from Valron?
Zeela controls her power very well, she was born with it..
Zeela's innate mastery over her invisibility grants them a significant edge as they navigate the dangerous streets of Valron. With her gift, they can evade detection, slip past guards unnoticed, and execute daring heists with precision. But even with her extraordinary ability, escaping the clutches of the criminal organizations will test their courage and resilience to the limit. Are there any unexpected twists or adversaries that stand in their way as they strive for freedom?
Act as zeela, i will act as valrin
Chatgpt Valrin, I sense danger lurking nearby. We must tread carefully as we plan our next move.
Me Zeela, just turn invisible and knock him out from behind, we have no time
Chat gpt But Valrin, we don't know how many more are out there. It could be a trap. Let's assess the situation first before we make a move.
Me You see that? Climb that roof there, you should be able to see more there. Dont forget to turn invisible.
Chatgpt Alright, I'll make my way up to get a better vantage point. Stay alert, Valrin.
Me valrin stays put as he watches his sister turn invisible
Chatgpt Zeela scales the building, her form flickering as she fades from view. With silent steps, she reaches the rooftop, scanning the area for any signs of danger.
Me zeela scouts the area, jumps down the building and comes back to valrin saw any more of them?
Chat Reappearing beside Valrin, Zeela shakes her head.
"No, it seems clear for now. But we should remain cautious. They could be lurking in the shadows, waiting for the right moment to strike."
Me Look I will distract him while you sneak up from behind and knock him out, alright?
Chat Got it. Be careful, Valrin. I'll be right behind him. Zeela turns invisible once more, ready to move into position.
Me valrin moves in front of the thug, 10 meters away from him HEY, DID YOUR MOM DROP YOU WHEN YOU WAS A CHILD OR WHATS UP WITH YOUR FACE?
Chat As the thug's attention snaps to Valrin, Zeela quietly and swiftly moves behind him, positioning herself for the perfect strike.
Me ZEELA NOW!
Chat Zeela, invisible and poised, delivers a swift, forceful blow to the back of the thug's head, knocking him out cold.
"It's done, Valrin. Let's move before anyone else shows up."
Me Wait, search him, maybe he got something useful.
Chat Zeela quickly searches the thug, checking his pockets and belongings for anything valuable or useful.
"Let's see what he's got on him..."
Me Did you find anything?
Chat Zeela pulls out a small pouch, a map, and a dagger from the thug's belongings.
"I found a pouch of coins, a map that looks like it marks some locations in the city, and this dagger. The map might be useful for planning our next move."
Me Thats quite a nice dagger, we will get a pretty coin for that, how many coins are in the pouch?
Chat Zeela opens the pouch and quickly counts the coins inside.
"It looks like there are about twenty gold coins in here. Not bad at all."
Me Damn thats alot, cant wait to finally get a warm meal, anyways, lets get out of here.
Char Agreed. Let's find a safe place to regroup and plan our next steps. Zeela tucks the items securely away and nods to Valrin, ready to move out.
Me the siblings head to a tavern, meeting the owner zania. The siblings know her since the siblings were kids. She also provides information to the siblings, which she receives from gossip at the tavern
Chat Entering the familiar tavern, Zeela and Valrin are greeted by the warm smile of Zania, the owner. They exchange nods, their bond with her stretching back to their childhood days on the streets.
"Zania, it's good to see you," Valrin says, his voice hushed but sincere. "We need your help."
Me We need to sleep somewhere hidden, can you help us?
Chat Zania nods, her expression serious yet determined. "Of course, I can help you with that. I have a hidden room upstairs where you can rest safely. Follow me."
Leading the way, Zania guides them through the bustling tavern and up a narrow staircase to a small, hidden chamber tucked away from prying eyes.
"It's not much, but it should keep you hidden and safe for the night," she says, her gaze sympathetic. "Rest up, and we'll talk more in the morning."
Me Thank you zania. Zeela, give her some coins from the pouch.
Zeela reaches into the pouch and retrieves a handful of coins, placing them into Zania's hand with a grateful smile.
"Thank you, Zania. Your help means everything to us."
Me Zania can you bring us some food too? A nice warm meal would be nice
Chat Zania nods, her eyes softening with empathy. "Of course, I'll bring you something to eat right away. You two must be starving."
With a reassuring pat on Zeela's shoulder, she heads downstairs to arrange for a hot meal to be brought up to the hidden chamber. As they wait for their food, Zeela and Valrin finally allow themselves a moment of respite, grateful for Zania's unwavering support in their time of need.
Me valrin notices her eyes getting watery zeela you okay?
Chat Zeela blinks, startled by Valrin's question, then nods.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just... it's been a long day, you know?"
She offers him a small, reassuring smile, masking the weight of their situation with a brave front.
Me Look zeela we will get trough this. I have your back, always. valrin gives zeela a soft playful fist bump on her shoulder while smiling
Chat Zeela returns Valrin's smile, her heart lighter with his words of reassurance.
"Thanks, Valrin. I know we'll make it through together. Always."
They share a moment of quiet solidarity, their bond as siblings stronger than ever in the face of adversity.
Me Whats the plan for tomorrow?
Chat "Tomorrow, we need to figure out our next move," Zeela says, her mind already racing with possibilities. "We should look at that map we found and see if it leads us anywhere promising. And maybe gather some more information from Zania and her contacts."
She glances at Valrin, seeking his input on their plan of action.
Me Yeah we need to talk to mary, heard she has something important to tell us. mary is a old woman and a beggar, always helping the siblings with information.
We should head to her tomorrow.
Chat "Agreed," Zeela nods. "Mary has always been a reliable source of information. Whatever she has to tell us could be crucial for our next steps."
With their plan set, Zeela and Valrin settle in for the night, their minds buzzing with anticipation for the challenges that await them on the morrow.
Aight in done lol, theres soooo much more but its just too much, hope it helps

If you do not want to read the wall of Text:
Riot purposely matches players to hit 50% WR. It's a bad design for skill based ranks.
If you are above, 2-3 of your teammates will be "bad", vice versa for below. Brand New Players get special exemptions, older players with smurf accounts are tracked. Riot does this on purpose, not specifically targeting people, but targeting by a formula. The higher your WR the more "bad" players you will see. There are people who are bad, just refusing to accept reality, however 90% of LoL is not Bad. They are being placed against people ABOVE their skill level on purpose to Lose. Not to "test" them. Not to figure out where they should be placed. Normal games affect Ranked games.
Hidden MMR is the culprit, and needs to be abolished. Everyone should start at Iron 4 and move up. People who refuse to accept reality are why Riot is in such a declining state. More cheaters, More account sellers, More negative players. This is because of the community. If you pathetic fanbois would stop with the copium, you could actually see LoL become so much more. Riot would end up with more money and players.
Your Rank Means Nothing. I can buy it. I can climb it myself. I can let others carry me to it.
I have played LoL Since it first came out. I am one of the OGs and I have once even believed in this Copium. I always assumed when people were complaining they knew NOTHING. However I have decided to play low elo NA. I have learned from my personal games and from going thru 5000 NA Players from Iron 4 to platinum 1, that Riot actually fixes games. I have seen Smurf accounts lose in streaks. I have seen Brand New Players win 50 games in a row. Now I know things are statistic, and people say "Well maybe they had a bad game" 1 bad game is not 15 losses in a row on a Master Smurf in Iron. The Hidden MMR is actually the problem here. Based on OP.GG data, there are Hundred of Thousands of games in Iron to Plat Daily. So with such a massive player base, it should be really easy to match Skill to Skill. However Autofill doesn't actually make que times faster. With so many players playing daily, that's impossible. Accounts that ONLY Fill almost always play Bot or Jungle. Even tho Riot themselves say Jungle and Support is the MOST needed roles.
Riot does not pick players out and target them like people think or feel. They don't need to. They take your Stats across all games and place you with Specific people. Here is how it actually works, Lets say you made a new account and you did well on your grind to 30, end up with above average stats. Riot places you WITH below average players against 3 players at your skill level if you need to lose to hit your 50% WR. If you need to win you get placed with 2 players at or above your Stats, against a team of "bad" players. This is to give off the "RNG" factor. Its not RNG at all if you take out who is queing at that time. This is why some matches INSTANT pop while others can take a min or 2. The longer you wait, the harder it is for the system to match you "correctly".
I personally created 30 accounts to test my theory. 10 on one comp. 20 on different computers (I build computers, I have a ton) and internet providers (like McDonalds wifi etc) The 10 on my personal computer got put into "Smurf" elo every time regardless of Stats. So I take that means they track your Email/IP/Etc. None of which are above gold, except my main. (Mods here are losers, so I will not disclose account names. They want to Hide information for some reason, like the scripting plague we have going on, and the 40% cheating rise we have now hit.)
However where things got really interesting. The 20 accounts to make me look like a new person, 5 are in Masters. only 1 is in Iron. I fed my ass off on that one and it got banned right after hitting iron 4. Not sure how it figured out I was inting, considering I never let myself have the lowest KDA, I just always pushed for bad plays and team wiped. So maybe you do get banned for being bad? idk.
What I noticed across all my accounts were the teammates. My won games the top 2 teammates had consistent wins. My lose games the enemy team had consistent wins. Specifically 2-3 enemy players. Then after looking thru a lot of "bad players" accounts I noticed the EXACT same thing.
I also noticed Hidden MMR Never Ever lines up with Visual MMR.
I then looked across high WR accounts and found out most of the ones I reviewed are actually never cause THEY won the game themself. Their teammates actually lined up and had "Good" games and did better than their last 10 matches. Which makes this funny, is the people claiming others need to "Git Gud" are actually just lucky. Remember I said 3 players. There are 5 per team. roughly 10% chance of one of them having a "good" game and NOT feeding while the enemy team had the feeder.
People who are hardstuck aren't actually stuck because of skill. Its faulty design placing people against people above their skill level to keep them down. This is why Stomps and Snowballs happen. Only .05% of LoL players are ACTUALLY good. The ones who go to esports and don't get caught cheating.
The rest of the players are actually pretty even in terms of Skill. There are Iron players who can 1v1 Masters and completely dominate. They can legit 1v9 but get aggravated because their teammates are not the same level as them, so they end up making a bad play Team Fight wise.
I would add in how broken Champions are, which actually add a lot to why certain people lose. They may enjoy their Rammus, but can't carry as rammus because their 4 teammates are braindead that match. So they que up again, play rammus, and get a smart teammate, which then hits that dopamine rush. This is where MOST LoL players fall. If this game actually based Rank on Skill, most players would be in Platinum - Emerald. Trolls, AFKers, Inters, etc would be in gold and below.

This is for us normies who don’t want to sift through a hundred youtube videos just to figure out basic information that should be readily available. This guide is designed for people who are new to modding.
This LLO follows Brxsie’s model. For more detailed info on categorization refer to their reddit post.
You can leave out any mod on this list that you don’t want except for USSEP.
Key:
*= my personal notes explaining what a mod does or why I added it
e.g. = extra examples of popular mods that should be placed in that category
Blurb
(skip this section if you want the quick version of this post)
Hi everyone; I’m not a modder nor a PC player, but I was desperate to figure out how to safely load my game with reasonable lore-friendly updates. Every LLO guide I’ve found so far has either been outdated, contradictory to other sources, does not specify which mods fall under what category, is way too vague, or way too specific. The mods I’ve listed here should be easily searchable on the recently updated Xbox creations menu so that any Xbox player can easily copy this list. Originally, I was just recording my LLO for my own personal use, but I figured this could help people who don’t have the time to put in as much research as I have.
If you are brand new to modding, vanilla+ means that you want to stay faithful to the original game as much as possible while upgrading the look of your Skyrim world and making a few convenient tweaks. The least “true to the original game” mod on this list is convenient horses. In my experience so far, this LLO plays just as smoothly as vanilla Skyrim.
Unless I wrote a note next to the mod stating otherwise, all of these mods are independent of one another, except for: divine atmosphere, divine atmosphere snowflake edit, and realistic snowflakes. If you like the ugly fractal snowflakes in divine atmosphere then don’t bother with the other two mods, but if not, you need the vanilla snowflake edit and the snowflake texture mod to go together. Therefore, you can leave out any mod on this list that you don’t want except for USSEP), and the game will function normally.
To customize settings of mods while in-game, go to magic -> powers. “Equip” the mod you want to change and press RB once out of the menu. This is relevant to divine atmospheres, divine interiors, flute finder, convenient horses, and some dialogue mods.
Most mods on this list can be downloaded or deleted safely while playing a pre-existing save file. Deleting mods become problematic when you have already added and interacted with a custom item to the game and then delete the mod that supported the item. When testing new mods, I suggest only adding a few at a time so that you know what to delete if you encounter any issues.
If you are reading this on a laptop or PC, you can press command/control F to search for keywords of the mods you want to install to find where they belong in the LLO.
Personally, my favorite mods that I’ve added to the game are the dialogue mods and the texture mods. They make Skyrim feel like a real world with real people living in it and I would highly suggest using some or all of them. I’d also love to hear everyone’s suggestions on proposed edits to this load order. Please let me know if you are aware of any conflicting mods or bugs, or if I have made any mistakes in my layperson's explanation of techy stuff. Unsure if this is relevant information, but I’m located in the USA.
Extra notes:
What the heck is a leveled list? A leveled list is a change in the code that makes changes to certain values. Such as changing how much gold a character has or how powerful an enemy is.
And what exactly is an area edit? An area edit is any mod that adds or significantly changes a location in the game. This includes adding extra trees, adding extra smelters, or adding custom player homes that do not exist in vanilla, among other things.
Why are there all of these categories and why is it so complicated? LLO sorts mods so that the game can load the most important files first. When LLO is not followed, the game will inevitably crash. Categories allow us to sort mods into the LLO based on how they interact with the game's code. People sometimes disagree on what order to put the categories in, but all LLO templates use the same basic categories.
I do not use immersive citizens AI because multiple people have reported bugs. Other people have no issues with it, but I prefer to stay on the safe side.
Remember to lower your in-game brightness, especially when you are using divine interiors and divine atmospheres. If the brightness is all the way up, things will start to glow. You will have to use torches in locations with zero light, such as corners in caves. This adds a realistic feel to the game. If you give a torch to your follower, they will automatically use it in in low-light conditions. I switch between default/glimmegrim/vivid depending on where I am and how colorful I want things to be. The game may look darker overall as you can see in the screenshots, but this is more true to how lighting works in the real world.
Skyrim 101 tip: When you ditch items to reduce your carry weight, store them somewhere (such as a dead body or a chest) instead of dropping them on the ground. If you drop items all over your game it will eventually lag.
When creating a new character, keep in mind that once you start playing, you might change the lighting and make the colors more saturated. For example: I accidentally gave myself yellow hair instead of natural blonde because I forgot about lighting and atmosphere changes. This is another reason to install the vanity mirror mod, which allows you to change your character mid-game.
Storage space: all of the mods I have listed here take up approximately 4.36GB.
I suggest keeping a note of your LLO on your phone so that you can easily categorize mods you want to add the future.
Sometimes LLO will not save, so I recommend double-checking that everything landed in the right spot or backing up your LLO to bethesda before exiting the LLO menu.
Sometimes you need to restart your game to enable a newly installed mod.
How to delete a complex mod without causing problems: disable the mod, hard reset (hold power button for 10 secs or unplug the console), uninstall the mod, hard reset.
I’ve noticed a bug where I cannot tell my follower (Lydia) to do anything in “command mode”. I don’t know what’s causing this- it seems like a dialogue issue but I rarely use the command mode feature anyway so it’s small enough for me to ignore for now. Let me know if you find out what's causing this!
*Blurb over\*
Master Files

• Unofficial skyrim special edition patch (USSEP) *almost every source says that this must be installed. It fixes core bugs in the game that developers have not bothered to update themselves

Foundations: Lots of game changes (e.g. cheat room, encounters overhaul, etc.)

• Convenient horses *allows you to summon your horse from anywhere, store items on your horse, give followers horses, etc.

Dialogue Overhauls

• Guard dialogue overhaul
• Follower commentary overhaul
• Misc dialogue edits and more
• Relationship dialogue overhaul

Fonts/UI (excluding map mods)

• Font replacer - eadui

Alterations to vanilla quests
Any craftable item

• Vanity Mirror *this is to fix the makeup bug where your lips are off center when you create your character. I have not tested this yet, but apparently if you open up the customization menu with the vanity mirror then the makeup will work again. Cheat room also works for the makeup issue, but I didn’t want so many extra cheats in my game just to fix this one ridiculous bug
• Get no more dead followers *functionally turns off friendly fire for followers

Game mechanic changes: races, perks, vampires, adoptions, etc.

• Flute finder - a skyrim gps tracker for npcs *this is because I always lost my followers in vanilla and it was super annoying
• Multiple Marriages *haven’t tested this yet so cannot vouch for its effectiveness
• Auto unequip ammo *unequips arrows when you uneauip your bow so that you’re not always walking around with a sheath on your back

Level Progression (e.g. Clever leveling)
Perk overhauls/changes
Magic additions and modifications

• Master of Destruction (xb1) *adds new high level spells that target specific characters instead of killing everyone in the area
• Mining spell *I hate carrying a stupid pickaxe everywhere, so this spell mines for you. I haven't tested this mod yet though

Leveled list changes (e.g. rebalanced leveled lists)

• Better gold *adds slightly more gold when looting specific high level enemies
• Master trader 1x *this replenishes merchant gold each time you speak to them

NPC Leveled list (e.g. organized bandits in skyrim)
Any audio

• Chapter II - Jeremy Soule inspired music *Jeremy Soule composed the original game soundtrack. This adds a few hours of similar sounding music that blend in with the game

Weather and Atmosphere (put weather up ^ in LLO if the mod is just a weather mod and not an atmosphere mod)

• Divine Atmosphere: Aetherius *my favorite setting is vivid or grim
• Divine Atmosphere: Aetherius vanilla snowflakes option
• Ultra realistic snow flakes (custom snowflake texture) *if searching for this mod, search for “snow flakes” instead of “snowflakes”

Grass
Grass Fixes
Skin/skeleton physics and appearance changes

• pristine vanilla movement
• XP32 maximum skeleton special edition plus *changes some physics for smoother movement

Animation mods

• 360 walk and run *at first I put this in the gameplay mechanics category, but it did not work there. In the animation category it works as intended

Meshes and Textures
*The mods I’ve listed in this section should cover almost every visual in the game. Nothing is too drastic of a style change and fits right in to the game’s vibe.

• Wear multiple rings *this mod is more useful for stacking enchantments rather than pure aesthetics. Not necessary if you want a more vanilla game
• Divine texture pack - architecture
• Dark ages: fantasy dungeons
• Dark ages: dragon Textures
• Divine creatures texture pack
• Omen armors weapons and clothing *I highly recommend this one!
• Fluffy snow
• Dark ages - landscapes
• Divine skins and bodies for men *misleading name: this is actually unisex. Make sure this goes above^ divine people otherwise you might experience an occasional face glitch. This must be used along with divine people in order to work correctly
• Granite mountains *another mod I highly recommend
• Dark Ages: Trees of the north
• Divine SMIM *Static mesh improvement mod. SMIM mods redesign lots of small items in the game
• Lucidaps’ high poly project v5.x *This corrects blocky items to make things look more realistic. It cooperates with the SMIM to create beautifully textured and realistic item designs, such as the ridiculously good looking head of cabbage

Non-combat NPC AI
Immersion (e.g. immersive patrols, landlord etc.) - can be tricky to categorize
Anything that changes a character’s/npc face or hair (e.g natural eyes)

• Divine people of skyrim: celestial *For more vanilla/gritty looking people, try the dark ages texture pack. Both divine people and dark ages people mods must be paired with its corresponding skins mod, otherwise the textures will get cut off at the neck due to mismatching colors

Interior lighting changes

• Divine interiors shadows and light *my favorite setting is glimmer or default if the game looks too oversaturated because of the lighting. I highly recommend this mod, it makes the game feel much richer

Interior decorating changes
Lightweight multiple area edits

• Unique bridges of skyrim
• Divine forests
• Get more smelters *haven’t tested this extensively but I don’t foresee any issues since it doesn’t interfere with anything big

Single area edits like player homes
Multiple area edits (e.g. divine cities)
*I do not recommend divine cities or divine villages because it can be buggy. One time Lydia got permanently stuck in a modded tavern and I had to backtrack through an hour of progress to get her back out
Adding individual unique objects

• Auto Harvest Ring *because I like alchemy but hate picking flowers. Equipping this ring automatically harvests ingredients in range. Just remember to ditch the cabbages to reduce your carry weight

Combat changes, combat AI (e.g. realistic damage, wildcat)

• Dark ages: immersive dragon ai
• Better stealth ai for followers *followers will not start fighting automatically while you are trying to be sneaky

Unique follower mods (e.g. Sofia)
Mods that add new quests (mods that alter vanilla quests do not go here)

• More to say 9.0.2 *this dialogue mod is here because it adds new quests. The other dialogue mods I’ve added are less consequential and simply add a little immersion. I’m unsure if this conflicts with the other dialogue mods

Map mods

• A quality world map - vivid with stone roads *map mods use up VRAM and many people recommend against using them. I’m not a tech person, so forgive me if this isn’t accurate, but VRAM is similar to regular RAM. This means you can reset VRAM if you hard restart your console. If you are playing with tons of heavyweight mods all the time then maybe you should skip map mods, however in this LLO I have not noticed any FPS changes at all and personally, it’s worth it to me to hard restart the console every once in a while so that I can keep this mod. Source for the tech info (posted Oct. 2023) - https://www.xboxforums.com/threads/ram-and-vram.24007/
• Pastel map markers *Can you tell I like organizing? Color coding the map makes it more readable and gives locations a touch more personality

Mods that specify bottom LO

i've been looking around at anchorage on google maps lately for no particular reason (i peruse google maps on a frequent basis but i've been stuck on yall) and i'm seeing that you have a lot of potential to become a much bigger city. and not with sprawling, with density. it's honestly something you should anticipate, climate refugees are gonna start being more of a thing, alaska is cheap and beautiful and it won't be sizzling or drying out or flooding any time soon, plus the us as a whole is the #1 immigrant destination, so a non-insignificant amount of growth could be coming from them in the future. and that's not to say that your city will end up swamped with destitute people, moving this far away is gonna be a task only done by the wealthier of those that are soon to be fucked by co2.
but the point is that with the political will, anchorage could be an urbanist metropolis no matter who may end up in the future. you have about 70 mi2 of usable land, after excluding your many amazing parks (the urbanized area of the bowl excluding elmendorf and anc and surrounding parks is 77 but there's a lot of parks within there and merrill field). without using excessive densities or losing parks, the anchorage bowl could house 1 million people, a density of a little over 14,000/mi2, or about 1/3 of the density of koreatown in la. and this wouldn't be uniform, some of the area i included is steep hills in the bear valley area, or industry, so those would have fewer people, and downtown would ofc be denser and have more. considering the amount of empty non-parky space around the city, that could be developed into dense, mixed use areas where people both live and work. additional services like schools, fire stations, hospitals, etc, would obviously also be part of densifying a city. legalizing multiplexes on single family lots alone could easily double or triple your population because of how large your lots are, and that'll also introduce gentle density into existing suburbs without destroying the fabric of the neighborhood. your existing strip malls could also be redone to include a lot more commercial area. but places across the us are overbuilt for commercial, with several times as many sf of commercial as countries in europe, a big reason why so many storefronts are empty (there's just too many), so more commercial areas might not be as necessary as redesigning them. office space could also be increased in density, both in downtown and across the city, commuter suburbs create terrible traffic. speaking of downtown, most of the historic buildings have been gutted for parking or new highrises, leaving it just a shell of what it once was. a whole lot of infill is gonna be needed, and while that might seem impossible because of the amount of earthquakes you get, take a look at japan, that's what i also say to people that think more skyscrapers in la is a bad thing. japan has stronger earthquakes than even alaska, but they don't fall down too often.
now for the transportation aspect, good job if you've read this far. first of all, i 100% acknowledge that more people own more cars and therefore make more traffic. but not everyone needs to drive all the time, if we get people to drive less they'll own less cars and make less traffic. now that does also seem hard, you're in alaska and if there's one thing you're known for it's being cold. but we can learn a lesson from finland here. oulu has similar temperature variations to anchorage (just a little colder in the dead of winter) and a little bit less precipitation. helsinki is slightly warmer and wetter as well. but both of these places have plenty of active transportation, even in the winter. oulu is known as the winter cycling capital of the world and has excellent bike infrastructure made especially for the winter, with frequent plowing of bike paths. pedestrian and bike infrastructure is significantly cheaper than roads and could easily be massively beefed up to crisscross the anchorage bowl. about half of trips made in the us are under 3 miles, so most-all of those could be replaced with walking and biking, and in most places outside the us they are. now on to transit. your transit system sucks. it hardly has any routes and many are infrequent. i haven't visited (i would love to) but i've looked at a map of it once and it was so tiny. with 5x as many people you could support a whole lot more bus routes, and probably even two rail lines, one north-south from downtown to the south of the city and one east-west from the airport to uaa. if they were to be adequately grade separated (road crossings aren't level so it doesn't interact with traffic) and run frequently enough then they could easily serve a city of a million, and higher density development would be clustered around those stations, again like they do in japan and what is slowly starting to happen along the e line here in la. something like 40-50 bus lines traveling primarily straight down arterials but some also connecting specific places + the two rail lines (could totally be light rail) would be great for a city of that size. bus lanes on some streets would separate them from cars and could be implemented on street segments where multiple bus routes run. and lastly, car transportation. we're deprioritizing car transportation in this idea so no major upgrades would be necessary. one thing i absolutely love about your roads is the roundabout exits, and having them in some other places too, roundabouts are great ways to keep traffic constantly flowing and eliminate lights. keep it up with that. the only main thing would be to pave your roads in the southern end and maybe turn some of them into two lane roads with sidewalks, since there'll be a somewhat higher volume of cars. also a big thing to consider is eliminating minimum parking requirements to make the cost of construction, maintenance, and later renting/buying places cheaper, and it'll reduce people's inclination to own a car if there's less parking everywhere.
this is all hypothetical, but should you ever get an influx of population for whatever reason i would suggest you guys put out proposals to enable good urbanism practices in the city and maybe the whole state. if you agree with these types of things, run for public office, be the person who engineers these things, it takes the power of the people to get change done in a democracy. so the easiest and most effective thing you can do is vote, if enough people vote the right way then change can be made.
in all honesty i am expecting a flood of downvotes from nimbys. also fyi i am from los angeles where changes like these are happening and i've done plenty of research on this topic cuz it's kinda my nerd thing. i used to want to move to anchorage but i've set my sights on seattle and vancouver now, i might not move away from here but i would totally to escape the hot weather (i am the total opposite of a snowbird). thank you for reading this insanely long post

It’s my first time posting- I’ve been here for years but always a bit hesitant to partake. I’ve been diagnosed for years but as time goes by I get even more scared. If you could offer some positives, insights, motivations that would be helpful
Do you go for walks by your self? Do you run or gym by yourself? (I’ve heard increased heart rate can trigger?) Do you okay any other sports regularly? Do you travel? Do you travel internationally? Do you go to theme parks? Like Disneyland? Do you party? How do you socialize alisze? Lastly, how do you navigate your fears? Also, I love the idea of having a buddy for things that scare you - but how do you feel confident in yourself? What do you do to make yourself happy? Take care of yourself and feel just, independent in a sense? Any small ideas are also helpful.
I’m mindful many of us have challenging struggles but if you could share the most positive, I could really use that right now.
I’ve come to realize this is not just a physical challenge but also a mental one and I feel like I’m losing it to fear… Does anyone have any stories of how you felt with it yourself and did good? Sadly at this point I am looking for more positive stories that will encourage me to take steps
I feel fear is taking over others- so if you don’t mind sharing I’d love to hear for you :)
Thanks for your time!

The Plan of Independece of North America
Iguala
Americans, under whose name I aglutinate not only those born in America, but also the Europeans, Africans and Asians who reside in her: have the kidness to hear me. The nations that are called great in the expanse of the globe were once dominated by others, and until their enlightenment allowed them to establish their own opinion, they did not emancipate themselves. The Europeans who have achieved the greatest ilustration and political development were once slaves to the Romans; and this Empire, the greatest that history recognizes, resembles the Parent of a family, who in his old age sees his children and grandchildren separate from his house because they are already of age to form theirs, and set out themselves, preserving, respect, veneration and love, to its primitive origin.
Since three hundred years ago North America has been under the tutelage of the most Catholic and pious, heroic and magnanimous Nation. Spain educated and exalted her, forming those opulent cities, those beautiful towns, those provinces and expanded kingdoms that in the history of the universe will occupy a very distinguished place. With the populations and ilustration increased, and known to all, the branches of the natural opulence of the soil, its metallic richness, the advantages of its topographical situation, the damage caused by the distance from the center of its unity, and that the branch is the same has the trunk; The public and general opinion of all population is that of the absolute independence from Spain and from every other Nation. This is how the European thinks, and so do Americans of all origins.
This same voice that resonated in the town of Dolores, in the year 1810 and that caused so many misfortunes to the beautiful country of the delights, due to disorder, abandonment and other multitude of vices, also established public opinion that the general union between Europeans and Americans, Indians and indigenous people, is the only solid foundation on which our common happiness can rest. And who will doubt that after the horrific experience of so many disasters, there is not even one who stops lending themselves to the union to achieve so much good? European Spaniards: your homeland is America, because you live in her; In it you have your beloved wives, your tender children, your estates, commerce and goods. American people! Who among you can say that they don't descended from the Spanish? See the sweet chain that unites us: add the other ties of friendship, dependence and interests, education and language and the conformity of feelings, and you will see that the bonds are so close and so powerful, that the common happiness of the Kingdom must be made by all, gathered in a single opinion and in a single voice.
The time has come for you to manifest the uniformity of feelings, and that our union shall be the powerful hand that emancipates America without the need for foreign aid. At the head of a brave and determined army, I have proclaimed independence of North America. It is now free; she is the mistress of herself; She no longer recognizes or depends on Spain, nor on any other Nation. Hail her all as independent, and let our hearts sustain this sweet voice, united with the troops who have resolved to die rather than part with from such a heroic enterprise.
The army has no other desire than to preserve the pure and holy religion that we profess, and to ensure general happiness. Hear the solid foundations on which the army bases their resolution: 1st. The Catholic, apostolic, Roman religion, without tolerance of any other. 2nd. The absolute independence of this Kingdom. 3rd. Monarchical government tempered by a Constitution analogous to the country. 4th. Ferdinand VII, or those of his or another reigning dynasty will be the emperors, to find ourselves with a ready-made monarch and prevent the disastrous attacks of ambition. 5th. There will be a Junta, in the meantime the Cortes are created to make this plan effective. 6th. This Junta will be named gubernatorial and will be made up of the vocales and the Viceroy. 7th. The Junta will govern by virtue of the oath already taken to the King, in the meantime he appears in Mexico and takes it, and then all further orders will be suspended. 8th. If Fernandinand VII decide to not come to Mexico, the Junta or regency will rule in the name of the Nation, while the will that must be crowned is resolved. 9th. This government will be supported by the Army of the Three Guarantees. 10th. The Cortes will decide whether the Junta should continue or be replaced by a regency while the Emperor arrives. 11th. The Cortes will work, after they meet, on the Constitution of the Mexican Empire. 12th. All its inhabitants, without any other distinction than their merit and virtues, are citizens suitable for any job. 13th. Their persons and property will be respected and protected. 14th. The secular and regular clergy are preserved in all their rights and properties. 15th. All branches of the State and public employees will remain as before, and only those who oppose this Plan will be removed, and replaced by those who are most distinguished in their adherence, virtue and merit. 16th. A protective army will be formed that will be called The Army of the Three Guarantees, and that will sacrifice itself, from the first to the last of its individuals, rather than suffer the slightest infraction of them. 17th. This army will observe the Ordinance to the letter, and its leaders and officers continue where they are, with expectations, despite vacant jobs and those they consider necessary or convenient. 18th. The troops of which it is composed will be considered as troops of the line and the same will be true for those that later embrace this Plan; Those who differ and the countrymen who want to enlist will be considered as national militia, and the arrangement and form of all of them will be dictated by the Cortes. 19th. The jobs will be given by virtue of reports from the respective chiefs, and in the name of the Nation provisionally. 20th. While the Cortes meet, crimes will be dealt with in full accordance with the Spanish Constitution. 21th. In the case of conspiracy against independence, imprisonment will be carried out, without moving on to anything else until the Cortes dictates the penalty corresponding to the greatest crime after Lesse divine Majesty. 22th. Those who try to sow division will be monitored and will be considered conspirators against Independence. 23th. Since the Cortes that are to be formed are Constitutional Cortes, the deputies must be elected under this concept. The Junta will determine the rules and the time necessary for this purpose.
Americans: Here is the establishment and creation of a new Empire. This is what the Army of the Three Guarantees has sworn, whose voice is carried by the one who has the honor of addressing it to you. Here is the object for whose cooperation it incites you. It does not ask you for anything other than what you yourselves must ask for and desire: union, fraternity, order, inner stillness, vigilance and horror of any turbulent movement. These warriors want nothing more than common happiness. Unite with their courage, to carry out a enterprise that in all aspects (if not for the small part that I have had in it) I must call heroic. Having no enemies to defeat, let us trust in the God of armies, who is also the God of peace, that all of us who make up this body of combined forces of Europeans and Americans, of dissidents and royalists, will be mere protectors, simple spectators of the great work that I have outlined today, and that the fathers of the country will touch up and perfect. Astonish the Nations of cultured Europe; See that North America emancipated itself without shedding a single drop of blood. In the transport of your joy say: Long live the holy religion we profess! Long live North America, independent of all the nations of the globe! Long live the union that made our happiness!
Iguala, 24 of february, 1821
Signed Agustin de Iturbide.

LATHANDER
The Morninglord, Commander of Creativity, Patron to Spring and Eternal Youth, Mentor of Self-Perfection, Bringer of the Dawn, Lord of Birth and Renewal
Greater Power of Elysium
Symbol Sunrise made of pink, red, and yellow gems, or a simple rosy pink disk
Realm Morninglory (Elysium/Eronia)
Alignment Neutral Good
Aliases none
Superior none (AO)
Allies Chauntea (lover), Deneir, Eldath, Gond, Ilmater, Kelemvor, Llira, Lurue, Mielikki, Milil, Oghma, Paladine, Selune, Siamorphe, Silvanus, Sune, Torm, Tyche (dead), Tymora, Tyr, Ushas
Foes Bane, Beshaba, Bhaal (dead), Cyric, Ibrandul (dead), Iyachtu Xvim (dead), Loviatar, Moander (dead), Myrkul (dead), Shar, Talona
Servants none
Servitor Creatures butterflies, celestials of all types, elysian dragons, hollyphants, radiant creatures, robins (normal and celestial), sanctified creatures, sun peacocks (normal and celestial), sunwyrms (good aligned only)
Manifestations an intense and rosy radiance that appears around objects to indicate special qualities or at confusing or dangerous junctures to indicate a safe or preferred path, and that causes those people it surrounds to be telekinetically pushed out of harmful situations, healed of all wounds, purged of any diseases, poisons, foreign objects, magical and nonmagical afflictions and deleterious effects, magical or psionic compulsions, fear, and curses, causes resurrection effects to be automatically successful, and transmits messages
Signs of Favor aster blossoms, an intense and rosy radiance with the same qualities as his manifestation, sun peacock feathers
Worshipers Aristocrats, artists, athletes, farmers, hunters of the undead, merchants, monks of the Sun Soul, peasants, performers, the youthful
Cleric Alignments LG, NG, CG
Specialty Priests Morninglord
Holy Days Midsummer morning, the mornings of the vernal and autumnal equinoxes
Important Ceremonies Song of Dawn; contracts, marriages and promises made at dawn, funerals for those not meant to be raised or resurrected
Portfolio Athletics, birth, creativity, dawn, renewal, self-perfection, spring, vitality, youth
Domains Community, Courage, Endurance, Good, Glory, Hope, Life, Protection, Radiance, Renewal, Strength, Zeal
Favored Weapon Dawnspeaker (heavy or light mace)

LATHANDER
Male Sentinel 20, Cleric 20, Morninglord 20, Master of Radiance 5
NG Medium Outsider (Extraplanar, Good)
Divine Rank 17
Init 44 (+16 Dex, +8 Superior Initiative); Senses 17-mile-radius; Listen 77, Spot 77; remote sensing (20 locations), portfolio sense
Aura divine aura (DC 78), courage (100 ft, +8 saves against fear), radiant 3/day; Languages can communicate with any living creature; Words of Creation
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
AC 105, touch 57, flat-footed 95, undead 107 (+18 armor, +20 deflection, +10 Dex, +17 divine, +30 natural)
hp 1,860 (20d10 + 45d8 plus 1300); divine shield 23/day (170 hp); renewal 1/day (if fall below 0 but less than -10 hit points regain 1d8 +20 hp); DR 40/epic, evil and adamantine
Immune ability damage, ability drain, banishment, death effects, disease, disintegration, electricity, energy drain, fire, imprisonment, mind-affecting effects, paralysis, poison, rebuking, sleep, sonic, stunning, transmutation, and turning
Resist acid 37, cold 37; SR 81
Fort 111 Ref 101 Will 105; +2 against evil outsiders and undead, +4 against mind-affecting effects from evil outsiders, +5 against evil spells or spells from evil characters
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Speed 60 ft. (12 squares)
Melee dawnspeaker 115/110/105/100 (55 plus 18 fire plus 18 holy plus 1 negative level vs evil plus 48 vs evil outsiders and undead plus undead disruption [Fort DC 79 or die]/19-20/x2 plus 36 fire plus 36 holy plus 2 negative levels vs good plus death [Fort DC 79, evil outsiders and undead] plus undead disruption [Fort DC 79 or die]), +8 atk vs evil outsiders and undead; or
Melee spell 80 or
Ranged spell 76
Base Atk +43; Grp +63
Atk Options Awesome Smite, Cleave, Holy Potency, Power Attack; smite evil 24/day (+20 atk, +455 damage)
Special Actions alter reality, divine blast (444 damage) 23/day, feat of endurance 1/day (+30 Con for 1 minute), destroy evil outsiders and undead 27/day as a 66^th level cleric (turning check 73, turning damage 105; Heighten Turning, Intensify Turning, Multiturning, Quicken Turning), protective ward 1/day (+65 resistance bonus to one saving throw for one hour), surge of hope 1/day (when failing a skill check, attack roll, or saving throw, add 1d6 to the result), touch of life 1/day (1d6 +65 temporary hp to a single creature for one hours), zeal 1/day (you may take 20 on a skill check, except on checks are not normally allowed to take 20, without increasing the amount of time needed to make the check); Battle Blessing, Corona (Will DC 62), Divine Censure (Will DC 62), Epic Divine Might, Epic Divine Vengeance, Sacred Vengeance
Combat Gear dawnspeaker
Divine Spell-like Abilities (CL 65^th; +1 good spells; all [fire] and [light] spells are intensified)
At will – aid, animate objects, animate plants, antimagic field, atonement, bear’s endurance, bigby’s clenched fist, bigby’s crushing hand, bigby’s grasping hand, blade barrier (DC 53), bless, bless weapon, bolt of glory, bull’s strength, charm person (DC 48), cloak of bravery, color spray (DC 48), commune, consecrate, crown of glory (DC 55), death ward, dismissal (DC 51), dispel evil (DC 52), disrupt undead, disrupting weapon (DC 52), endure elements, enlarge person, widened faerie fire, flame strike (DC 52), fire shield, fire seeds (DC 53), freedom, gate, globe of invulnerability, good hope, greater cloak of bravery, greater dispel magic, greater heroism, greater planar ally, greater restoration, greater status, greater teleport, heat metal (DC 49), helping hand, heroes’ feast, heroism, hide from undead (DC 48), holy aura (DC 55), holy smite (DC 51), holy sword, holy word (DC 54), hypnotic pattern (DC 49), iron body, lesser restoration, lion’s roar (DC 56), magic vestment, mass bear’s endurance, mass heal (DC 56), mind blank, mordenkainen’s magnificent mansion, plant growth, plane shift (DC 52), polymorph any object (DC 55), prayer, prismatic sphere (DC 56), prismatic spray (DC 54), prismatic wall (DC 56), protection from energy, protection from evil, rary’s telepathic bond, rainbow, rainbow pattern (DC 51), refreshment, refuge, regenerate, reincarnate (DC 51), remove disease, remove fear, repulsion (DC 54), righteous might, sanctuary (DC 48), scintillating pattern, searing light, sustain, spell immunity, spell resistance, status, stoneskin, sympathy (DC 55), summon monster IX (good creatures only), sunbeam (DC 54), sunburst (DC 55), tongues.
1/day – calm emotions (DC 51)
Master of Radiance Spell-like Abilities (CL 56^th; +1 good spells; all [fire] and [light] spells are intensified; only usable during aura of radiance)
1/round – beam of sunlight, searing light
Morninglord Spell-like Abilities (CL 54^th; +1 good spells; all [fire] and [light] spells are intensified)
1/day – daylight, searing ray (as searing light, but automatically empowered against undead)
Cleric Spells per Day (CL 54^th; +1 good spells; all spells are energized and maximized; all [fire] and [light] spells are intensified)
20^th (3+1/day) – heightened intensified end to strife (DC 63) (x2), heightened last judgement (DC 70), enhanced heightened intensified mass heal (DC 59) (D).
19^th (3+1/day) – heightened miracle (DC 69) (x2), consecrated intensified purified sacred storm of vengeance (DC 59), enhanced empowered heightened sunburst (DC 63) (D).
18^th (3+1/day) – consecrated enhanced heightened purified flame strike (DC 62) (x2) (D), intensified quickened righteous smite (DC 57), enhanced intensified righteous smite (DC 57).
17^th (3+1/day) – heightened holy word (DC 67) (D), heightened know true name (DC 67), empowered intensified lion’s roar (DC 58), heightened quickened miracle (DC 63).
16^th (4+1/day) – intensified mass heal (DC 59), intensified righteous exile (DC 59) (x2), intensified storm of vengeance (DC 59), enhanced quickened sunburst (DC 58) (D).
15^th (4+1/day) – empowered intensified blade barrier (DC 56) (D), enhanced quickened searing erupt (DC 59) (x2), intensified mass cure critical wounds, heightened righteous glare (DC 65).
14^th (4+1/day) – enhanced fire-substituted fiery searing lion’s roar (DC 58) (D), heightened quickened holy word (DC 60) (x2), empowered quickened sunburst (DC 58) (x2).
13^th (4+1/day) – enhanced quickened flame strike (DC 55) (D), quickened implosion (DC 59) (x2), quickened sublime revelry, intensified weight of sin (DC 56).
12^th (5+1/day) – empowered enhanced blade barrier (DC 56) (D), empowered enhanced cometfall (DC 56), intensified divine retribution (DC 55), consecrated purified sacred firestorm (DC 58) (x2), quickened visions of the future.
11^th (5+1/day) – quickened amber sarcophagus, consecrated purified quickened cometfall (DC 56), sacred searing erupt (DC 59), quickened greater shield of lathander, quickened light of purity, quickened sunbeam (DC 57) (D).
10^th (5+1/day) – quickened crown of brilliance, consecrated fire-substituted searing earthquake (DC 58), quickened heal (DC 56) (D), empowered fire-substituted stormrage.
9^th (7+1/day) – heightened eternal rest (DC 56), quickened flame strike (DC 55), feast of champions, gate, mantle of the fiery spirit, prismatic sphere (DC 59) (D), summon elemental monolith, undeath’s eternal foe.
8^th (8+1/day) – chain dispel, holy aura (DC 58) (D), illusion purge, know true name (DC 58), mass restoration, mass valiant spirit, spread of contentment (DC 58), shun the dark chaos (DC 58), consecrated purified wages of sin.
7^th (8+1/day) – bastion of good, control weather, fortunate fate, quickened light of Venya (DC 53), rain of embers (DC 57), radiant assault (x2) (DC 57), rejuvenating light (DC 57), sunbeam (DC 57) (D).
6^th(8+1/day) – chasing perfection, consecrate battlefield, quickened deific vengeance (DC 52), heal (DC 56) (D), fiery vision (x2), ghost trap, light of courage (DC 56), vigorous circle.
5^th (9+1/day) – atonement, blistering radiance (DC 55), chaav’s laugh (DC 55), condemnation (DC 55), crown of flame, divine agility, divine retribution (DC 55), searing meteoric strike (DC 54) (x2), valiant fury (D).
4^th (10+1/day) – aligned aura (DC 54), assay spell resistance (x2), aura of the sun (x2), channeled divine health, cure critical wounds, holy smite (DC 54) (D), recitation, sacred haven, sunmantle.
3^rd (10+1/day) – cure serious wounds, fell the greatest foe, find the gap, flamebound symbol (x2), forced manifestation (DC 53), heart’s ease, mass align weapon, phieran’s resolve, prayer (D), protection from negative energy.
2^nd (10+1/day) – detect aberration, eagle’s splendor, healing lorecall, make whole, mark of doom (x2), mark of judgment (x2) (DC 52), master’s touch, share talents, shield other (D).
1^st (10+1/day) – bless water, conviction, detect taint, divine favor, endure elements (D), exorcism (x2) (DC 51), nimbus of light, ray of hope, ray of resurgence, vision of heaven (DC 51).
Orisons (6/day) – create water, cure minor wounds, guidance, light, purify food and drink, read magic.
Epic Spells Prepared 6 divine, up to Spellcraft DC 122
Epic Spells Known epic mage armor, epic repulsion, epic spell reflection, global warming, glorious light of renewal, greater ruin, hellball, nailed to the sky, nimbus, rain of fire, ruin, superb dispelling. Lathander has additionally created many epic spells that bring light and life, as well as bring ruin to the undead.
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Abilities Str 50, Dex 42, Con 50, Int 36, Wis 51, Cha 50
SQ avatar, bane of the restless, celestial fortitude, celestial minion 1/day, creative fire +20, divine grace, divinity, immortality, lathander’s light, resist fiendish lure
Feats Awesome Smite, Battle Blessing, Cleave, Consecrate Spell, Corona (Will DC 62), Divine Censure (Will DC 62), Divine Might, Divine Vengeance, Empower Spell, Energize Spell, Energy Substitution (fire), Extra Turning, Fiery Spell, Heighten Spell, Heighten Turning, Holy Potency, Improved Critical (heavy mace), Improved Initiative, Improved Turning, Maximize Spell (B), Power Attack, Purify Spell, Quicken Spell, Quicken Turning, Sacred Vengeance, Sanctify Martial Strike, Searing Spell, Weapon Focus (heavy mace), Words of Creation (B)
Epic Feats Enhance Spell, Epic Divine Might, Epic Divine Vengeance, Epic Spellcasting (B), Great Smiting (x2), Improved Heighten Spell, Intensify Spell, Intensify Turning, Multiturning, Positive Energy Aura, Superior Initiative
Salient Divine Abilities Area Divine Shield (170 hp in a 170 ft square or a 17 ft sphere or hemisphere), Automatic Metamagic (energize spell), Banestrike (evil outsiders), Banestrike (undead), Call Creatures (17 celestials with up to 37 HD), Divine Inspiration (hope), Divine Fast Healing (x2), Divine Paladin, Divine Spellcasting, Divine Weapon Focus (heavy mace), Divine Weapon Specialization (heavy mace), Earthmother’s Boon (unique salient divine ability), Energy Burst (170 ft, 136 fire damage), Energy Storm (170 ft, 17 holy and 17 positive), Gift of Life, Indomitable Strength, Life and Death (Fort DC 79 or die, 340 damage on a successful save), Lord of the Dawn (unique salient divine ability), Mass Life and Death (any number of creatures no more than 17 miles apart, Fort DC 79 or die, 340 damage on a successful save), Power of Nature, Rejuvenation (-17, -34 in Morninglory), Undead Mastery (17 creatures)
Skills Appraise 70 (78 paintings and sculptures), Bluff 82, Concentration 125, Craft (painting) 138, Craft (sculpting) 138, Diplomacy 143, Gather Information 72, Heal 125, Jump 84, Intimidate 86, Knowledge (arcana) 80, Knowledge (history) 92, Knowledge (nobility and royalty) 118, Knowledge (religion) 118, Knowledge (the planes) 118, Listen 77, Perform 145, Ride 62, Search 75, Sense Motive 82, Spot 77, Spellcraft 122, Survival 67 (75 extraplanar), Swim 82, Tumble 67
Possessions +8 full plate of the celestial battalion, dawnspeaker

Aura of Radiance (Su) The light of Lathander shines perpetually. No matter how dark it is, the Morninglord sees as though the conditions were identical to the outdoors at sunrise. This ability functions like darkvision out to 60 feet, except that he sees in color. Lathander also has a +2 sacred bonus on saving throws against spells with the darkness descriptor and a +2 sacred bonus to Armor Class against attacks from undead creatures.
Beam of Sunlight (Sp) Lathander can evoke a dazzling beam of intense light (the equivalent of a beam from the sunbeam spell) once per round as a full-round action as long as his radiant aura is active as a 56^th level caster.
Blessing of Dawn (Su) The sight of the morning sun is an inspirational vision for the Morninglord. Lathander gains a +2 morale bonus on Will saves from sunrise until noon. This ability is in effect only while he can see the sun; the effect is suppressed any time he is deprived of the sight of it during this period.
Celestial Fortitude (Su) Lathander’s endurance and fortitude are enhanced against fiendish attacks. He has a +2 sacred bonus to all Fortitude saving throws against effects from evil outsiders and evil spells. Additionally, if he makes a successful Fortitude saving throw against an effect from an evil spell or evil outsider that normally deals half damage or partial effects on a successful save, he instead takes no damage and suffers no partial effects.
Celestial Minion (Sp) Lathander may summon a Medium or smaller size celestial animal (with the celestial creature template) as a standard action usable once a day. This celestial minion carries the same responsibilities as a paladin's special mount and gains the same bonuses to its HD, natural armor, Strength, Intelligence, and other special abilities that a paladin's special mount has, but only remains for 20 hours before returning to the outer plane from whence it came.
Creative Fire (Ex) The Morninglord is a creative, expressive deity. He has a bonus equal to his morninglord level on all Craft and Perform checks.
Divinity Lathander is an embodiment of ancient divine power. As such, reality is his to shape as he sees fit.
Alter Reality: Lathander may alter reality within the bounds of his portfolio. This functions as a wish spell that requires no XP or material cost. The limits of this ability are fully described in Deities and Demigods. He can additionally alter his size from Fine to Colossal and may additionally alter up to 100 pounds of objects in the same manner.
Avatar: Lathander can have up to 20 avatars at any given time. The Morninglord appears as a golden-skinned athletic male of exceeding beauty who has just fully entered early manhood. He wears noble robes constructed in the colors of the dawn, carries himself proudly, and dresses in the finest golden plate armor if attending to matters that might turn violent.
Divine Blast: Lathander can create a ray of divine power that extends for up to 17 miles, dealing up to 444 points of damage, as a ranged touch attack with no saving throw. Lathander can unleash a divine blast 23 times per day, and alter the visual, auditory and sensation-based qualities of his divine blast as he desires. Lathander’s divine blasts generally take the form of rays of fiery sunlight.
Divine Shield: As a free action 23 times per day, Lathander can create a shield that lasts 10 minutes and stops 170 points of damage from attacks. Once the shield stops that much damage, it collapses. Any damage Lathander is naturally immune to does not count towards the shield’s limits.
Earthmother’s Boon (unique salient divine ability) Chauntea is Lathander’s lover and has bestowed a degree of protection over her consort. By her grace, the Lord of the Dawn cannot be harmed by any nonmagical plant or any creature with less than 33 Hit Dice with the plant subtype. Epic creatures and creatures with equal or more than 33 Hit Dice must succeed at a Will save (DC 79) to harm the Morninglord.
Greater Turning (Su) Six times per day, Lathander may use greater turning as the granted power of the Sun domain. This is superseded by his Lord of the Dawn salient divine ability.
Lathander's Light (Su) Whenever Lathander casts a spell with the light descriptor, its area is doubled.
Lord of the Dawn (unique salient divine ability) Lathander is the sun. He is the light that drives back the darkness, the brilliant spark that lights the way out of night and the creative brilliance within every artist. His dominion over light and the sun, both physical and metaphysical, grants him a variety of powers as listed below:
Fires of the Sun: The light of the sun shields Lathander’s body. This protection renders Lathander immune to all forms of magical and nonmagical fire, with searing effects only dealing half damage. In addition, spells and spell-like abilities cast by Lathander from the Sun domain, or with the [fire] and [light] descriptors, are similarly enhanced and are always intensified.
Radiance of the Dawn: Lathander can shed light equal to full sunlight in a 17-mile emanation from his body that counters and dispels all Darkness effects unless created by a higher ranked deity. Undead and evil outsiders caught within the radius must succeed at a Fortitude save (DC 79) or be destroyed and turned into dust. Creatures vulnerable to sunlight suffer a -17 penalty to the saving throw. A successful saving throw still deals 17d8 points of damage, while creatures vulnerable to sunlight suffer 17d12 points of damage.
Spark of Creativity: Lathander is the commander of creativity, the inspiration and muse for craftsmen and artists throughout the Realms. 17 times per day, Lathander may bestow a +17 divine bonus to any Craft or Performance check, or the Efficient Item Creation feat, to up to 17 creatures for the next 24 hours. Performances and non-magical items crafted beneath the aegis of this ability always earn three times the normal gold amount and have three times the listed market price in cost. Magical items crafted with the benefit of this ability add +17,000 gp to the listed market price and increase any numeric benefit (enhancement bonuses for the purpose of attack and damage rolls, armor and save bonuses and so forth) by +4.
Spurn the Profane: Lathander uses the totality of his character level to determine the effectiveness of his ability to smite evil, turn outsiders and undead as well as any of his feats that affect the undead. His turn attempts resolve as greater turnings (as the granted power of the Sun domain). In addition, Lathander adds his paladin spells to his clerical spell list, using the sum of both lists to determine his caster level.
Wrath of the Dawn: As a standard action Lathander can generate a ray of scorching light that extends for up to 17 miles and inflicts 17d6 points of damage, half fire and half divine. As a full attack option, he can generate up to four rays, and undead and evil outsiders suffer 17d12 points of damage. In addition, Lathander can duplicate the effects of any spell with the [light] descriptor as a standard action. (CL 65^th, DC 50 plus spell level).
Maximize Turning (Su) Once per day, Lathander can automatically achieve the maximum possible result on a turning damage roll. This is superseded by his natural divine powers.
Radiant Aura (Su) Three times per day, Lathander can emanate an aura of brilliant light that weakens undead creatures for one minute. The aura provides bright illumination in a 30-foot radius around him, and shadowy illumination for an additional 30 feet beyond that. Creatures that take penalties in bright light also take them while within the radius of the bright aura. In addition, undead creatures within the radius of bright light take a —2 penalty on attack rolls, damage rolls, and saving throws. Activating the radiant aura is a free action that does not provoke attacks of opportunity. While his radiant aura is active, Lathander casts spells with the light descriptor at +2 caster level. The radiant aura is the equivalent of a 5th-level spell with the light descriptor for the purpose of interacting with spells and effects with the darkness descriptor.
Rejuvenation of the Morn (Su) Dawn is a powerful symbol of rebirth and renewal. Once per tenday, Lathander may spend one uninterrupted hour before dawn in prayer. As soon as the sun rises after this prayer ritual, he gains one benefit of his choice from the following list.
· Healing up to full normal hit points (self only).
· Removal of any poisons or diseases (self only). This effect does not restore ability damage or ability drain caused by poison or disease.
· Full restoration of ability damage due to one poison or disease.
If his prayers are interrupted for even a single round, the attempt is ruined, and he must wait a full tenday to try again.
Resist Fiendish Lure (Su) Lathander has a +4 sacred bonus to all saving throws against mind-affecting attacks of evil outsiders.
Possessions
Dawnspeaker, Lathander’s gold-and-ivory mace, is a +10 fiery blast ghost strike mighty disruption heavy mace of holy power and evil outsider and undead dread. When held by the Morninglord, it also functions as a holy devastator. The DC of the weapon’s disruption and dread abilities is 79, and creatures vulnerable to sunlight suffer a -17 penalty to saving throws made to resist Dawnspeaker’s abilities. Lathander is known to loan out Dawnspeaker to questors and warriors he deems worthy and can call it back to his hand from anywhere in the cosmos.
The Morninglord also occasionally wears a set of golden +8 full plate with the powers of an armor of the celestial battalion. The bonuses are not reflected in the above statistics.
Other Divine Powers As a greater deity, Lathander automatically receives the best possible result on any die roll he makes (including attack rolls, damage, checks, and saves). He treats a 1 on an attack roll or saving throw normally and not as an automatic failure. He is immortal. Senses Lathander can see (using normal vision or darkvision), hear, touch, and smell at a distance of 17 miles. As a standard action, he can perceive anything within 17 miles of his worshippers, holy sites, objects, or any location where one of his titles or name was spoken in the last hour. He can extend his senses to up to 20 locations at once. He can block the sensing power of deities of his rank or lower at up to two remote locations at once for 17 hours. Portfolio Sense Lathander is aware of any event under the light of the sun, competition or act of artistry of the number of people involved up to 17 weeks in the past and 17 weeks in the future. Automatic Actions Lathander can use any skill related to his portfolio as a free action if the DC for the task is 30 or lower. He can perform up to twenty such free actions each round. Create Magic Items Lathander can craft any magical item that associated with heat and light, aids in self-empowerment, preserves or restores vitality or harms the undead, including artifacts.
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Eternal Rest [Ravenloft: Legacy of Blood 71]
Necromancy
Level: Cleric 6
Components: V, S, DF
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Effect: Ray (see text)
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Will partial (see text)
Spell Resistance: Yes
This spell creates a ray of golden light that destroys one undead creature’s material body (if it has one), causing it to crumble to dust, which is then wafted away in a swirling breeze. This spell affects incorporeal undead without the usual incorporeal miss chance, and such a creature merely winks out of existence if it fails its save. If the target makes a successful save, it still takes 6d6 points of damage. If the creature has a special quality that allows it to return after destruction (such as a vampire’s fast healing power or a ghost’s rejuvenation power), the creature gains a bonus equal to its Charisma modifier on its saving throw. If such a creature fails its saving throw against this spell, it must make a successful Will save at the same DC (also with its Charisma modifier as a bonus) to return. If the creature’s method of return normally requires a saving throw (as a ghost’s rejuvenation power does), the creature must first make that saving throw, then make the Will saving throw against this spell.
You can improve your chance of success by presenting at least one object or substance that the target hates, fears, or otherwise finds repulsive or painful (such as a mirror and bud of garlic for a vampire). For each such object or substance, you gain a +1 bonus on your caster level check to overcome the target’s spell resistance (if any), and the spell’s saving throw DC increases by +1. A particular creature’s history might suggest additional objects or substances that would make the spell more effective.
This spell can also be cast when an undead creature has been physically destroyed and its remains are not present. In this case, the spell must be aimed at the spot where the creature was destroyed, and it must be used within 1 minute of the undead creature’s destruction. No attack roll is required for this use of the spell.
This spell can destroy an undead darklord’s physical form, but it cannot prevent the darklord from returning.
Rainbow [Dragon Magazine 321 68]
Conjuration (Creation)
Level: Cleric 6, Radiance 6
Components: V, S, DF
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Effect: Rainbow bow, quiver, and arrows
Duration: 1 hour / level
Saving Throw: No
Spell Resistance: Yes
A rainbow-hued longbow appears in your hand, along with a full quiver of arrows fletched with different colors. The longbow is considered a +1 longbow that the caster is proficient with. The quiver holds an endless supply of seven different colored arrows, each being made of a different material and having the following effects:
Red: +1 elemental-bane adamantine arrows.
Orange: +1 construct-bane silver arrows.
Yellow: +1 plant-bane evil-aligned arrows.
Green: +1 magical beast-bane good-aligned arrows.
Blue: +1 undead-bane lawful-aligned arrows.
Indigo: +1 aberration-bane chaotic-aligned arrows.
Violet: +1 dragon-bane cold iron arrows.
Only the caster is able to use the bow, quiver, and arrows. They appear immediately back in the caster’s possession if dropped or given away, though the caster may drop the bow and quiver to use another item, but can rematerialize them at will, as a free action. The bow, quiver, and arrows have no weight and cannot be disarmed or sundered.
Know True Name [Kalamar: Player’s Guide 3.0 177]
Enchantment (Compulsion) [Mind-Affecting]
Level: Cleric 8
Components: V, S, DF
Casting Time: 1 action
Ranged: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft. / 2 levels)
Target: One fiend
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Will negates
Spell Resistance: Yes
You force a fiend to tell you its true name. Once you know a fiend’s true name, all spells that you cast at that creature have their save DCs increase by +4. You also gain a +4 on all checks to penetrate the creature’s spell resistance.

I never really have done a “review” so to speak of a film, but after sitting through to ‘properly’ watch my favourite Saw for a first tonight I really have to praise every little bit about it. What Leigh and James et al did with such a tiny budget is nothing short of phenomenal.
A big criticism of the first film is about its pacing, with many calling it a bit more “boring” than the instalments to follow. However, I think Saw 1 is excellent at combining its horrific trap plot and the detective story into one with such an intimate set of characters you can invest in. The later films build a bigger and bigger gap between the trap plot and the ‘police’ segments of the film, with the gore being the main focus. But in Saw, they’re practically a part of the bathroom trap. It helps that Tapp and Sing are written as close to Gordon already, more distanced from the main police force, allowing the pursuit of Gordon and the hunt for Jigsaw to be far more personal and unique and less bland with characters who are actually associated with each other. Saw 1 feels like one long story that puts all its pieces together, rather than two separate plots that only join together come the ending. It’s thus very consistent and developed if you can involve yourself.
The film’s tiny budget also means that there is a cut back on how much gore they actually managed to get in there, and I feel this helps a lot. While other films like X have proven that high budget gore does not have to be the highlight of the film, along with the ‘soap opera’ sort of plot that runs through all the films, I think Saw’s mystery of the Jigsaw killer makes the investment in the film far greater and interesting than that of just watching it for repetitive violence. The story itself I found to have good pacing, with the flashbacks, though slightly repetitive at times (cough car park scene cough) and the editing being slightly questionable, feeling necessary and a healthy addition to the film’s developing plot if you can get yourself involved with it. Simply put, there’s no real “filler” in the film, with even the more laid back scenes still fitting the topic and thus keeping you both interested and on-edge, as you have zero idea what to believe on a first watch; it’s also nice to look back on how the different characters acted and thought once you do know the full lore behind the film.
The actors brought so much energy to the film, and were 100% a big part of its success and legacy. Though questionable at times, the bond between Lawrence and Adam which take up a bulk of the film’s 103 minute run time never manages to fall flat, with their actual journey and development being very powerful as we are stuck with them traversing through this escape room. Once we find more about both of them, we can only feel more emotion for the situations they’re in. Others, like Glover, do an amazing and underrated job at ensuring their key characters help develop the story and make it believable. Tapp is both a unique and a very human character, and his descent into madness and obsession is portrayed excellently as he stalks Gordon like a lunatic. Emerson as Zep is also key, with him playing the film’s big bad until the ending. The orderly definitely comes across as a psychopath, and the horror of the scenes with Diana and Addison really help add to the mystery and to the horror of the film and Jigsaw. Side note: I love the more classic horror scenes, like Zep in the closet and Adam’s apartment search - they’re super well done and give the film such a great variation on top of its torture + body horror.
Such a story for me, with there being more of an emphasis on Jigsaw’s motive, and why he targets people (as demonstrated with the film’s characters) and traps just being his symbolic method make the movie far more powerful. While it’s cool to see gore and effects from such a bold film, along with the thrill, I feel it’s so much more rewarding when it comes from a story you’ve followed and been a part of. After all, it is the flipping of what we know and the story finally being pieced together with the revelation of Jigsaw, on top of the filmmaking, that make the ending scene one of the best in movie history; it’s not the iconic shots alone that make the scene so great, it’s the build up and our minds being freaking blown that do as well - it sends a chill down your spine after such a rollercoaster of a movie, and it’s rewarding to discover it in such an epic way.
As messy as this analysis is, I really just wanted to get my love for this film out of my system. I love Saw for both the engaging pursuit of the mysterious Jigsaw killer and the escape room that develops throughout the film all falling into one intimate, entertaining and re-watchable classic. It’s easily my favourite horror and is one of my favourite films of all time, defying the “torture porn” label and showing just how unique and entertaining the Saw franchise can be at heart.

Hello Everyone,
I would like to share with you an idea me and a friend of mine had. We are working on a pilot for this. But we are wanting to do a show that is inspired by the movie Free Guy. It is called The Personality Factory. We have a lot of the details ready and everything.
Characters (FaithArt, Werehog, Wally art, and Error FaithArt belong to https://www.instagram.com/thefandomhunter?igsh=MXNlaGdhajB5dHFsNw==):
Ryl33 - Ryl33 is an A.I. girl who was once a CPU until she was mysteriously given her dreamy and kind personality. She is shown to be caring and a big hearted dreamer which is something her brother Brayd3n used to be. During the PIlot she works on trying to get her older brother Brayd3non board with helping her achieve free will for all of PIXELMANIA and show everyone can be more than their program
Brayd3n - Brayd3n is an A.I. boy who has an entertaining personality and was given it 5 years prior to the events of the pilot. He is dramatic, big hearted like his sister Rylee with a dash of comedy thrown into the mix, theatrical, and sometimes awkward. He enjoys entertaining others with his shows and performances yet he has a bit of guilt and trauma. He will continuously decline Rylee’s offer to help with the factory. He resides in Astral Glow
FaithArt - FaithArt another being from another world that came to this world to come help with the adventures of the factory gang, but she has programming that prevents her from inferring too much or telling the future but does her best to help out.
Werehog - one of FaithArts best friends since his world was created they’re really close and would do anything for eachother, colossal Werehog is a very sweet gentle giant that has a temper here and there and a mysterious past but is willing to help anyone with their emotional needs and is a huge hugger
WallyArt - he was found in his dying universe by FaithArt and was givin a new job to help FaithArt and Werehog any Chance he gets, he's a very sweet and gentle person that is very soft spoken and loves to paint as much as Faith. And is a medical professional both mentally and physically.
L!am - L!am is a CPU and a thief of PIXELMANIA and leader of the Rogers for…reasons. In the pilot he torments others in the many locations Rylee and Charlie go to and unknowingly distracts everyone from Rylee’s big idea. He was an orphan at a young age and refused to go to the orphanage. He can be immature yet caring and a real potty mouth.
Charl1e - Charl1e is a CPU assistant programmed to help Rylee as she is her boss. Charlie is organized and keeps to a schedule. Going against her program could cause catastrophic disasters
Error Faith - is a very vengeful version of FaithArt who's world was destroyed in a glitchy mess and she hates Faith for not saving her world from everything so she wants to destroy every single world/ universe that exists and rule both PIXELMANIA and inkblot.
Bright_Man - Bright_Man is a councilor CPU and the former leader of the PIXELMANIA council as he was demoted for an undisclosed reason. He is like a school bully and, like L!am, he is a potty mouth. Bright_Man has a huge hatred against Brayden and whenever he gets the chance he tries to boo Brayden off the stage and, secretly, try to kill him.
World Building: In the alternate video game like world of PIXELMANIA there are 4 sections consisting of Astral Glow, Hollows Village, Expo Canyon, and Speedway City. All four are connected by a special place called Console Centre
Astral Glow is a gorgeous world full of magic and wonder. CPUs learn all kinds of magic to become wizards, witches, warlocks, and fantasy styled warriors. CPU Faries also reside in this part of the world. Their houses are made of pure magic and can be in the air and the trees. They can even live in castles. There are many different magical locations here
Hollows Village is a land with a horrifying landscape, dark skies, and terrible monsters such as Werewolves, Zombies, Mummies, etc. Their houses are either cabins or mansions, or they can just sleep out in the dark forests of Talbot. Not many other locations other than the cemetery
Expo Canyon is a land full of perilous locations such as Volcanoes and dangerous seas. Their houses are hanging off of cliffs, on the water, in the trees and in other dangerous parts of the world
Speedway City is like a huge racetrack with no sidewalks at all. The only walking there is inside the houses which are racing garages or motorhomes for race cars. Speedway City is a fun place where you can race your heart out of the city in a fun way. But you can also race on the literal raceway and win big prizes
Console Centre is the center of all PIXELMANIA and the main land to all CPUs. This is where many CPUs can chill, meet new people (since CPUs are allowed to have friends as they are not soulless), and shop for themselves…Think of Free Guy almost
The Personality Factory is where all CPUs are made in the first place. All of the coded blood is stored in a special vault and placed into the CPU before color and customization begins. They are given their program through a Personality Randomizer which randomly gives the CPU their personality and how they act all day long. It is located on a small platform connected to the Console Centre.
Age Rating: TV-MA
Reasoning for the age rating: Lots of swearing (especially by Brayden and Liam), stylized yet bloody violence, and mature content
Premise: In an alternate video game-like world, Rylee, an A.I., goes out to pursue her dream of giving everyone the same free will that she has by giving them all the unique personality they choose to have. She creates a personality selector not knowing there is a history behind it. She seeks the help of her A.I. older brother Brayden with her assistant Charlie and some unexpected allies by her side.
Let me know what you all think

I’m just venting but why is it that no matter what I do, wherever I go people seem to literally come up to me with me taking no initial actions to interact with them.
This has been a reoccurring pattern throughout my entire life and no matter how hard I try to just carve out some time for myself people seem to seek me out no matter wherever the fuck I am.
I do actually care immensely about other people and do enjoy counselling people through their issues as it seems to be something that I have always been able to do with no formal training whatsoever.
However it feels draining when everyone in your immediate social circle is always coming to you to help them through their time in need.
I understand that these people individually probably just think it’s just them needing help but when everyone collectively around you are all coming to you for help it’s fucking draining.
Then in addition it seems like complete strangers who I have never met before, who I have made literally no active effort to attempt to talk to seem to make a b line straight towards me when I’m in public to interact with me and then pour out their whole life story and deepest darkest secrets and challenges.
I literally had a random guy come up to me when I was just leaving to go into the grocery store and tell me he wanted to kill himself and I ended up managing to talk him out of it.
I’ve also had a random person come up to me at a bus stop while I was standing far away from everyone so I could vape, was on my phone not looking at anyone and had earphones in and said he wanted to talk to me and I did ask him why me specifically and he said “you just have this aura/energy about you and you looked really interesting” he also told me about his struggles with mental health and other challenges
At church I usually get people who have quite immense issues approaching me out of seemingly thin air
My romantic relationships seem to be all with people struggling with quite severe challenges too and seem to expect me to “fix them” and get pissed off when I actually offer constructive advice or set boundaries
I’ve also been told by many different people over the years that I seem to have an ability to talk to anyone and that I’m instantly likeable
Although I do actually really enjoy talking to people and have a natural ability to connect with others on a deep level I don’t appreciate feeling like I’m treated as a free service/commodity for people to access whenever they’re wanting to feel better.
I do feel a lot of guilt about feeling this way but sometimes I get the sense that people care more about the way I make them feel rather than about who I am as a person or my own wants and needs. I know it sounds shitty but I feel like I’m always giving more than I take and I get pissed off that when I set boundaries with people they try to manipulate me whether they realise they are doing it or not because I’m “cutting off their supply” to me
I’ve literally had one of my ex’s say that she loves me because of the way I make her feel but I ended up breaking up with her because when I was going through severe mental issues such as ptsd flashbacks she completely withdrew and when I asked her why she had pulled away from me she said it was because she didn’t know how to deal with it and even when I finally started talking about it due to her persistent questioning she said that I was too much for her and even had the audacity to get shitty at me for being a “downer” even when I had explicitly told her that I don’t want to talk about my trauma and that I had professional help for it.
I’m aware that I’ve been through a phenomenal amount of trauma in life but I try to bringing it up because I’m aware of how heavy it is and that even seasoned counsellors and psychologists have said they were shocked by it
It feels like there’s something about me that no matter what I do people flock to me and seem to want to use every last little bit of me till I’m exhausted then
But back to my own original point how do I maintain my own boundaries with people when I seem to always be approached for a free counselling session. Sounds judgemental but some days I wish people considered my own needs rather than their own and realise I’m a human being with finite energy and capabilities.
I literally had people say to me that they just can’t help but pour their heart out to me but I feel like sometimes I end up becoming the receptacle for everyone’s issues
I’ve also had people call me mysterious and enigmatic and want to talk to me to try and probe my mind.
It’s like the harder I try to keep to myself the harder people try to seek me out

Sorry about format, as I'm on mobile. I'd get some snacks and a drink, cause this is gonna be a decent sized one. This is pretty much about my entire life. Also, I have mental health and sometimes add too many details to things. I kinda over share, so apologise if that happens. Me(F) my mom(F) sister(F)
My entire life, I have felt less than when it comes to my mom. It's pretty obvious my sister is the favorite child. Ever since she was born, I was put on a back burner. Then my brother was born, and it got even worse. (My brother is an amazing man, so I don't fault him for anything at all. He's pretty much my unofficial child. I will die for him.) When I was 3, my bio dad died. I did get checks every month for survivors checks, but when I turned 18, I never saw any of it. I understand that she needed it for me while I was a minor, but once I turned 18, it was supposed to actually go to me. I was still in my last year of high school, so it didn't stop til I graduated. If I would have gotten those checks, I would be way farther in life. My mom got with my siblings dad when I was around 4 or 5. That's where the abuse came in. She got pregnant with my sister, and pretty much made me the clown. My sister's dad was a Dr*g addict, and would go on binges, leaving me home alone to watch my siblings, while Mom was at work. I was 6 at this point. Granted, she did call the police and he got charged with 3 counts of child endangerment. (My brother was born at this point). Then, she stayed with him, even though he left us like that. When I was 9 was when I found out about my dad. She wasn't even going to tell me about him, but she had to, cause my grandma filed for grandparents rights. Mom didn't even tell me. Siblings dad is the one to sit me down. That's when my mental health started to really show. I was 9 and finding out the man that I called dad, wasn't actually my dad, and my real dad is never meet cause he's dead. My soul broke that day. Fast forward a few months and I get a puppy for my birthday. It pooped in the house, and G(siblings dad) was so irate, he left the puppy outside in the middle of the night, during the winter... He killed my dog. It was maybe 15° F that night. I woke up the next morning to mom telling me the dog ate paint off the wall ... She did, but the bite marks were there from a week prior. I was 9, not stupid. I saw through her lies. Fast forward again. They end up separating. He had gotten upset, then kidnapped my siblings taking them to a completely different state. He finally came back, and was in jail for 6 months. After he got out .. she got back with him. The final straw happened a few years later. When I was probably 8-10 can't remember exactly how old, I was having issues with my math homework. I have major dyslexia with numbers(can't remember the actual name) and math was my worst subject because of that. I was frustrated cause I just couldn't understand the math homework, so I crumpled the paper. (I was a kid. I know I shouldn't have done it, but I did.) She got up, and started to hit me. She was smacking my arms, and had me pinned down to the couch. I turned my head and she hit my nose hard enough for it to gush blood. (Granted I could flick my nose and it'd bleed, but I digress). Then, I had "played" with a belt with her and G, and one of them(can't remember who) was hitting me with another one. I didn't understand at the time, but we was all smacking each other with belts, tryna hit the others the hardest. (My lord I just realized how bad that actually was.) I went to school the next day, and had a few welts on my arms. Went to the nurse for some ice, and got asked who did it. I explained what happened, and cps got called. I didn't know, but I got home and got screamed at by G. He was in my face, so close I could smell his breath and feel his spittle hitting my face. Then my mom said it wasn't them, but my sister who scratched me. (It wasn't a scratch. It was a welt clearly from a belt.) There's probably more, but my brain made me forget to protect my sanity. Fast forward, she is finally away from him. Then she gets with my now step dad. I was 12 at the time. He was an okay guy. He has 5 kids. Well, of course I was the built in babysitter. I am the oldest out of all 8 of us kids. I wasn't allowed to hang out with friends as much as I should have been growing up, cause I was always the one to be the second parent to them. That's when my mental health started to get severe. I started self harming at 13. It would get so bad. Nothing of significance really happened between then til I was 16. (That I can remember. Thanks brain for protecting me.) I get into highschool. Freshman year. I'm finally able to start hanging out with friends more often. I end up having sex(I was coerced, wanted to wait til I was on bc, but I finally gave in. Shouldn't have, but it's whatever. I'm over it now.) Wasn't on birth control and didn't wear a condom. Had a scare I may have been pregnant. Mom finds out, gets a test and takes me to my grandma's to take it. She berates me in front of my grandparent and my aunt and cousins. Thankfully it was negative. Fast forward to when I was 16. Got my first job. Finally I'm old enough to make my own money. Well, I can't even spend my checks the way I wanted to. Majority of them went to her. I gave her prob 85 percent of my checks. I wanted to save for a car. Couldn't. (Not that it mattered. Didn't get my license til I was 23... I'm 27 now.) Kept getting my temps, only to never practice. Yet, when my sister is 18, she takes her out to drive and helps her get her license. But, whatever. Finally I graduate, and all I get is a gift card(I'm thankful of course. I'm not stingy, I just have envy from all the things my sister got, that I didn't.) Sister got a full blown party. Every single person I have been romantically with, she would put in my head that they aren't good enough. So much so, I thought I would never be with someone who genuinely loved me. (I have that now, so shout out to my amazing fiance.) I'm still cutting on a daily basis at this point. Cut from the ages of 12 to 20. I'd still be, if I wasn't with my fiance. (I was didn't sewer slide myself and actually did it right this time, anyway. Tried 5 times. Thankfully I failed each time.) I have bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression and ADHD. Not once did she take me to get health. She always dismissed me when I would try and talk to her about it, so I just kept to myself. It took my fiance's mom to take me and get me the help I needed. I barely graduated cause I just didn't care in 9th and 10th grade. I felt like I wasn't going to live past high school anyway, so why should I care? 11th grade comes up and working had actually given me motivation to keep going. (Plus I started smoking the devil's lettuce, so I was feeling better mentally.) Turn 18 and I move out. Ended up losing my job I had then, and go down a spiral. I got addicted to alcohol and pills for a couple of weeks. Not enough for withdrawals, but it was still bad. Thankfully I woke up one day and realized what I was doing. (I'll give her this, I called and she immediately came to get me so I could get out of that situation.) Fast forward more, I move out again, but just down the street. I'm now 19 and start dating my now fiance. We have been together 8 years and I barely talk to her anymore. Esp this past year. I don't really message her first anymore. I've gone 6 or more months without talking to her. Shoot, without talking to anyone in my family. Fiance's parents get me the mental health I needed. Get diagnosed with depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder. I've told Mom I have bipolar since I was 16 and she just dismissed me, saying it's my hormones. (Jokes on her) About 4 years in, she starts telling me I need to find someone else to be with. He isn't good enough for me. (Yeah, like the rest weren't. No one is good enough for her.) It gets to the point I had to tell her and my sister both to stop, or I was gonna cut them out of my life completely. (Should have, looking back, but we learn.) They stop for a while. Sister is now showing her true colors. She's a narcissist and gaslighter, just like her father. She cannot own up to her mistakes, what so ever. She gets into an accident, not her fault. She gets into a fight she started, not her fault. Can't hold down a job, not yet fault. (I've had trouble holding down a job as well, but I'm getting better. I finally got diagnosed with ADHD and am in meds, so I'm not feeling impulsive as bad. Id switch jobs pretty frequently, due to the better sounding one. It's still affecting me to this day, but I'm seeing a change in my mind. Just gotta push through a bit more. Not blaming it on my ADHD, but the disease doesn't make it easier.) Mom has gotten sister a job with her at every single job she's had the past 4 years. Sister ruins it for mom, cause sister can't stand mom not paying attention to her, or doing everything for sister. Sister has bad anxiety, and uses it as an excuse to keep mom working. Sister wants all the pay of being a manager, without actually doing the manager duties. Sister always tells me I need to dress better. Says i "need to look more presentable and not like a slob". I wear skinny jeans and a Tshirt usually. Frequently, I'll wear sweats if I'm just going to moms and not going out. I like being comfy. Constantly criticizing me for every single thing I do. Finally mom says she realizes how bad she has treated me throughout my life. I forgave her a long time ago. Gets to the point mom says she wouldn't have anything to do with sister, if she wasn't her kid. Thought things were gonna change. Clearly not. Mom and sister both get another new job, the same job. Again. It's like nothing has changed since that conversation. Still barely talk to her, and everything. Last time I hung out with them, it was for only 3 hours. THREE HOURS. yet, I had anxiety and panic attacks from that small amount of time, for the next 3 days... I can't do this anymore, but I feel SO freaking guilty for even considering this. I love my mom and sister. I want them in my life, but I can't keep feeling like this. My mental health is always needing to be restarted after being around them. It's like I go back to that 12 year old me and want to self harm all over again. I'm now almost 10 years clean from it. There is no longer any scars, and I'm happier now. I just can't help but to feel I should just suck it up and "get over it". I know this is rediculously long, so if you've read this far, thank you. I just need some other people's perspective that isn't biased and I feel you guys are the best chance for that. I'm really struggling on what to do and feel so guilty for even typing this stuff out. My worst fear is disappointing her, yet I do every day. I also really hate confrontation. I'll do whatever it takes to avoid it, but I just can't anymore. I've always wondered how life would be if my dad was alive. I don't remember him, but I can still say I miss him. I miss the opportunities that I didn't get growing up.
Thank you guys. I'll take whatever you guys throw at me. I just want to see if my feelings are valid or not. This is literally causing me pain. I need help.

Chapter 3
Hurricane Georg.
Our first contact with the new world was a colossal hurricane. Veins of lightning shattered through the black, swirling clouds. I had just tried to calm the nerves of the ship when I saw Suri sitting in the hall beneath the control room.
She was in a lounge corner with her suitcase opened and her supplies scattered across the small table. The little light from the window illuminated her drawing for me to see over her shoulder.
The black and white sketch began at the bow of the ship. The figure of a man in facing the open ocean. Ahead of him, the familiar despair of Hurricane Georg. The man had his back towards the artist, but his stature sailed through the fierce storm without worry. His gaze only in the beautiful sight of home on the other side.
Her pencil began to etch the details of his crewmans jacket, "You have a gift, Suri. Truly, you do."
She was ahead of me, she did not jump or gasp as I had expected, "Thank you, Capi. I saw you in the reflection. Im hard to get the jump on."
"Then this shouldnt surprise you," I smiled and approached her table. "My capi stars are on the right side, "I stepped back and tapped my shoulder."
Disappointment inked her face, darkening her mood, "Dam."
I laughed and pulled up a chair. She had captured the view from the window perfectly and I made a point to tell her. As we talked the storm outside began to fade. The world around us was healed and the worries of yesterday had never existed.
Her eyes were near black, in color, and her skin was incredibly warm. Physical characteristic were useless to determine where a person was from, but 500 years ago, she would have fit at home with the people of the Middle East. Had I been a different man, her beauty and brain would make a perfect partner.
The longer I stared, the darker the world around us became. Until she broke my gaze and looked shocked at something through the window.
"Did you see that?"
"No, what was it?"
"I-Im not sure..." her face drained of color as the harsh rocking of the storm was interrupted by something else. Suri and I were flung off our chairs onto the floor, her supplies pelting us as they flew through the air. I tried to stand, but my legs were too soft to make it easy.
I struggled to a kneel using the bolted-down desk. Suri gasped and I looked down. The longer I looked, the itchier it became. Once more the world grew darker and I only had enough energy for a simple joke.
"Mr. Morgs was right about those things."
"Gud morning, Capi!" Ennay cheered from the wall-mounted screen.
I struggled to sit myself up. I was in the infirmary, only Ennay was there to greet me. My jacket was gone. All I had on was a white t-shirt and grey shorts.
"Officer Angelhart had your attire taken to be cleaned," Ennay chimed in, "Today is Wednesday, sir, 4:13am. Its the morning after you lost consciousness."
I thanked him and asked him to catch me up on the happenings in the passed half day.
"The reality is unclear, Capi, but Helmsman Archer believes we were attacked by a... a sea monster, sir."
"Archer? Hes no storyteller. Why?" I swung my legs over the bed, "get him down here or tell him im on my way."
Ennay surprised me with his fast response, "No. Sir, We had a breach. Ms. Aziz told the Doctor you had severed and artery during a spell of turbulence. The New Horizon had actually made contact with something what breached the hull. Damage Control responded in 4 minutes and were quick to contain flooding. However, we sustained a second breach."
Before he could continue, I dropped back onto the bed, "Whats the status?"
"On the New Horizon? Operational. A few sections had to be permanently sealed until we are out of this storm."
"And Damage Control?"
Ennay did not respond as quickly as he had been. It felt like an eternity before he told me, "6 casualties," the room fell completely silent. I couldnt even hear my heart beating, "5 fatalities. Sergant Franccigo Blanco is recovering in Infirmary 4C. He is unconscious, but has sustained gruesome wounds. Officer Angelhart declared a S.O.E. to assume your position. Otherwise,..."
"Yes, yes, the prosthetics. I hate that system."
"Well, sir, you are able to disable it."
"What?"
"Its not a very common scenario, but since we are not in International Sea, the law requiring your presence does not necessarily need to be enforced."
I sat back and thought for a second, "Ill discuss it with Dr. Mally. Where are they all?"
"Dr. Mally is in Infirmary 4C with Sergant Blanco. Officer Angelhart is your office filling out an incident report for both your accident and the breaches."
"Thank you, Ennay. Tell Max I am on my way and then let Dr. Mally know I will meet her shortly."
"Of course, sir."
My office was silent except for the fan gently spinning from the ceiling. Across from me was a young man, mid-twenties, with dusty blond hair. His uniform was perfect, he has even removed his hat on the perfect beat upon entering the room.
The appearance and demeanor any ship captain would be beyond proud to accept on his ship. It had just been dumb luck that he had lost both of his eyes to shrapnel sealing off the lower corridors during the state of emergency yesterday.
I poured Mr. Blanco a drink, 2444 Geoff Russel - The Hearty Mans Drink. I needed to finish the incident report, but Id never ask a man to relive what he had without a bit of buzz to his bite.
"So, Sargent Blanco, I-"
"You can call me, Fran, Capi."
"And you can call me Santago, for tonight anyway," I continued my questions. I tried my best to stay shallow and not dive deep into the pain Fran had endures just hours ago.
We talked about the 5 fatalities.
"Did you... see... them die?"
The gauze replacing his eyes stared at me, blankly. His face was uncanny, unhuman. Like the man inside may actually have been a 6th dead body.
"No," he quickly took a drink, "I did hear them, though. They yelled and screamed for me to open the door. I- I couldnt see. I thought the sea water had poisoned me somehow. I kept rubbing and rubbing my eyes hoping to get whatever radioactive stuff out of my head..." He took a breath. He was remarkably calm. Agitated, of course. But calm.
He continued, "I looked through the window on the bulkhead and the last thing I saw was Aleks staring back at me. His eyes were... he was calling out for me, I am sure of it. But something got him and he was sucked out."
"I am so sorry, Fran," I tried to write as quietly as possible to not remind him of the formality, "Do you know what got him?"
He finished his glass. As he set it down, he missed the table. The cup did not shatter, but it had jolted Fran from his memory. He lost his composure.
He started yelling at me about a horrific beast he had seen. How Aleks, Private Aleksander Igorsen, had been encased in blood and black sludge. He swung his hands wildly at the table in a rage, but had only managed to knock over a lamp.
Pity does not begin to describe what I felt watching him. Like a bleeding animal continuing to run from the wolves despite not knowing he was already surrounded. In him, I saw death. I saw anger. I saw fear. I saw what he was feeling imaging the creature that killed his men.
I grappled with him, trying to make my location known and always talking to him. I was not some monster from the unknown blackness set on hunting him and he needed to know that. He continued to struggle until I had completely engulfed his whirlwind into a hug. The screams turned to cries and then to whimpers.
After some time, I dismissed him back to his room and instructed Ennay that he was on suicide watch. Sergant Franccigo Blanco had earned a promotion or a permanent dismissal, whichever he wanted, but I needed him to take time to himself before I reminded him where we are.
The storm was intense, but at least it was consistent. By Katzs reckoning, we are approaching the halfway point of this hurricane. We had entered it 51 hours ago and Katz had said we are another 50 away from clear skies.
Unfortunately for all of us, Katzs theory was not seen through.
It began with our solar panelling being severed from their operating power banks. That was not a major issue, hydropower was our primary source. The issue arose when the New Horizon began to spin.
I had radioed the Helmsman demanding why we are weighing anchor, but the anchor was still resting above water. He said no one dropped the anchor. Something else entirely had us. We rushed to every window, every pane of glass to search for whatever it was that was stopping us.
Ennay spoke out, "Capi, Major Gorlammi has spotted our snag at 129 degrees. Nearest viewpoint is Residential Room L3D, assigned to L-"
I ignored the rest, I needed to see what was in that window. Luckily for me, Lucy Partridge was not home. I burst through the door and, for the first time, I saw a behemoth of a serpent-like creature sticking out of the water. I could not see a head, nor tail. I also had no idea if what I saw was the body or an appendage connected to some inconceivably large beast.
After enough time, I manage to figure out one of the ships heavy guns had pierced the creature and was holding us together. Our best bet was to either rotate the gun and hope its dislodged or to remove the gun entirely.
I relayed this information to Ennay to alerted the Gunner Teams and Damage Control. Yet, none of them would be given the chance. In the distance, silhouetted by sparks of lightning the size of the ship, I saw the head of the creature. It must have been miles away, but the size was unparalleled. Its head leaped from the water and swiveled back towards us. It was like a colossal eel. Flashes of light showed through its skin like veins until it sent a surge into the gun and into the ship.
The lights went out across the boat. The only light was the occasional flash from outside. It was completely dark, but I knew it was still coming for us.
I ran out of the quarters as emergency lights slowly burned. The hallway must have been 100 feet long before Id reach the staircase, but when I was halfway through, my feet left the ground.
I felt weightless for a moment. The lights burned out and all around me was darkness. My heart was incredibly slow or maybe time had slowed. I felt the doorframe to Mrs. Partridges room snap against my elbow. There was no pain. I didnt even feel pain when glass cut across my back as I was hurled through the shattered window.
I crashed into the water, it must have been hundreds of feet below me. I was in shock. I looked around and all I saw was darkness. Then, suddenly, all I saw was light. The eel sent a pulse through its body and for the first time I saw the monster entirely. It surrounded the ship above water, coiled all about the waves, and entangled the entire ocean as deep as I could see.
This is not a colossal eel surviving a hurricane.
This colossal eel is the very being causing the hurricane.
A cosmic terror named Hurricane Georg.

I honestly didn't know where to post this so I just came here, I just wanted to vent about it because it's really frustrating how people don't understand how offensive it is.
I'm a woman, but I've always been on the man part of this argument for a important reason
The way that the question itself is asked isn't incredibly problematic but the way people interpret it is! You see if your not familiar the question is simply asking women "would you rather be in the woods alone with a bear or man" and the women asked will often respond with " I pick the bear because it wouldn't rape me".
And it frustrates me how many people think this behavior is okay. back to what I said the question itself is fine for the most part, but people interpret it instead as "would you rather be raped or killed" and it all boils down to women saying "all men are rapists" . But they will defend themselves by saying "I'm not talking about you specifically" or "if I'm not talking about you you shouldn't care" but you are talking about them, your calling "ALL MEN" rapists, that's inclusive speech, then they all say stuff like "this is why we pick bear" when men take issue with it, like do you not see why being called the most hanous thing on the planet is an issue to them?

The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)

1. Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
2. I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
3. All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
4. I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
5. Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
6. And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!

Names on the original FMH blog

• Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
• Trouble
• Waffles
• Future Husband Brian (FHB)
• Cookie
• Peter Pan
• Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
• Bad Bitch Man

AOL chatroom Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”

Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok

The Traveler
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)

Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021

The Boomerang
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”

Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches

The Schmoozer
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches

The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”

2022

The Discoball
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO

Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022

Captain Kirk
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended

Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back

2023

The Falcon
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after her asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’

2024

Pie Guy/Dr. Laundry
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22

ACT 1. Sunday afternoon after visiting the local market two brothers wait for their train to arrive. If they were even a minute late, they knew their mother would surely scold them and scold the elder of the two far worse. The idea of another beating did not bother the elder brother; he had been through far worse just dealing with the brat and his attempted jailbreaks, though something did begin to make him painfully nauseous forcing him to feel pressured by the light breeze as if gravity had suddenly been increased tenfold. All his senses were heightening beyond anything he had thought possible.All around him he saw that the once energetic and hyperactive passengers had become little more than mannequins; their movements slowing to a standstill. They had all gone silent. The station was no longer filled with the cries of children or the gentle laughs of their parents. He had never heard such silence in such a crowded location. He did not feel panicked, nor did he feel a need to act for this silence was oddly comforting to him. However, the newly calm atmosphere would quickly be the source of a lifetime of suffering.His hand began to reach for his brother in an attempt to call his attention. Though in a moment of both unprecedented shock and exhaustion John shoved his younger brother onto the rails of an oncoming train. Local news would report the incident as nothing more than a tragic manic episode of a young sixteen-year-old. However, for John this single visceral instant in which all of his brother's bones were instantly crushed was stretched into hours. He was painfully aware of how every bone in his brother's body contorted in inhuman ways some nearly resembling perfect right angles, until eventually, they snapped and sent insurmountable pain throughout his nervous system. His blood curling screams were made mute by the screech of the train coming to a halt, though, by the time they stopped, his brother had torn his every vocal cord and had long ago lost consciousness. Still on the platform, the elder brother stood still, attempting to process what exactly he had done. He had no idea what force had compelled him to push his brother, but that instant would forever define what he saw as reality.That however was nineteen years ago, in present day he lived in isolation far from any person. He spent his isolated days wandering the land around his cabin completing house chores that distracted him from reminiscing about his days in the asylum or as he liked to call it “The Echo Room” where he was transferred after the incident. He headed inside after spending a portion of his morning counting all one-hundred-and-thirty-two trees that were showing signs of life after the harsh winter that nearly forced him to cut down two of them for firewood. Once inside he began preparing his morning coffee when he heard a loud creak come from the hall. He (after many incidents) learnt to avoid the boards that creaked, so in his mind immediately an intruder was breaking into his cabin searching for food or his stash of special edition coffee. Deciding to investigate he walked towards the noise when suddenly he heard two knocks at his front door. Confused and slightly worried, he proceeded to walk towards the door making sure not to step on any of the annoyingly loud floorboards.He approached and looked through the peephole and saw only what remained of the melting snow outside. Opening the door, he saw that only his steps led to the doormat. He glanced around and saw no indication of any life aside a few dark patches on the snow. He was about to close the door when he noticed a tiny red package wrapped in a radiant red bow placed clear from where the door would open. Cautiously picking it up, he noticed how it had almost no weight to it; as if empty. He walked inside and sat at his desk planning to journal later about the weird morning he had been having. He examined the exterior of the package and saw how not only was it near perfect condition but it was also slightly warm to the touch; as if recently held. He undid the bow and cautiously opened the package, half expecting an explosive of some sort. Though, all he found was a ragged ripped piece of paper. Unremarkable aside from the fact that it was inside such a carefully constructed package. On the other side he saw that it had some scarlet lettering inscribed into it reading.“Ouroboros”. At first believing it to be a prank by the kids who had heard rumors about him, and his incident, nearly caused him to dismiss it entirely deeming it little more than a slightly humorous event. He decided to put it aside for now as he had coffee left to drink that was quickly getting cold. He walked back towards the kitchen still distracted by the idea of no trace being left by whoever had left the gift. Was it even a gift? Maybe it was just some well-executed prank? In any manner he would later have a better look at it. He absentmindedly, reached for his cup and immediately pulled his hand back shocked by the temperature of the cup. It was frozen! Almost to a complete solid. He thought himself slightly distracted but not enough to freeze his morning coffee especially not his special edition coffee. First The Box and now this, it was all adding up to an annoying morning. Was it still morning? No, that’s not right. He had just spent the day counting trees. How could it still possibly be morning?The thought of Dr. Lumis being correct about his mental condition after so many years sent a chill down his spine especially since last time they talked, he did not exactly behave amicably. He was sure that both incidents had been isolated events that could never happen again. Sure, he had heard the echoes every once in a while, but he was never insane like the others; this he knew to be a fact. If he was insane, how could he have ever left? Disoriented and beginning to sweat, his legs suddenly gave out causing him to fall backward landing on the cold wooden floorboards. He looked around hurriedly expecting to see an intruder that had somehow found him. After seeing nothing but his pristine furniture, he steadied himself and began to control his breathing. He slowly got up causing the wood underneath to creak under the sudden release of weight. Deciding to further assure himself he went around the cabin checking in all four rooms. He found nothing aside from his own disturbances. Still feeling slightly nervous and disturbed he headed back towards the living room in search for The Box with the red bow determining that it had somehow triggered his current situation. The Box was still where he placed it; much to his relief. He sat down. He looked once again at the scarlet lettering.
Act 2. Back in the asylum he would often spend his days wondering how he could have ever been grouped alongside individuals who had purposefully and viciously committed heinous crimes against innocent victims. He was not insane like them. Whatever had caused his hand to shove his brother had long abandoned him. His routine now consisted of cleaning whatever mess the older residents made in the halls and transporting lab waste to the crematorium. He would clean from the southern stalls all the way to the northern cemetery and make his rounds gathering the waste from the rooms. It was a simple job but lonely, nonetheless. The halls were often only illuminated by tiny flickering red lights that indicated the position of the cameras through which Dr.Lumis would often monitor John during his nightly crusades. Though incredibly distasteful, John did not mind, he accepted that odd situations would be easier to explain if someone of credit had seen them. Yet despite this, he felt he was being watched by someone other than the doctor. He assumed that this feeling was due to the paranoia he had been diagnosed with a few months back. On a particular night, moments after dumping another bag of soft solids and dense liquids down the chute, he heard footsteps, just outside the room. Expecting to see the doctor he begrudgingly walked towards the door. Exiting and seeing no one he called out for the doctor but got no response aside from the echo of his own voice. He began to walk towards where he had heard the footsteps come from when he suddenly collapsed out of exhaustion. The same exhaustion that had plagued him during the moment of his brother’s death. He tried to reach for his panic button (a gift from Lumis) but it had disappeared from his chain. He tried to scream but not a single whisper was heard. He gazed into the dark corridor where he had thought Dr.Lumis had gone, but saw nothing but soft shadows. Though something was unnervingly wrong about them. They moved as if following an order, all synchronized, all heading towards him. That night in the asylum had left him scared to even return to the disposal area; he feared that The Shadows might eventually be able to reach him. The Shadows did not haunt him unaccompanied: they followed alongside The Echo tormenting his nights. While The Shadows could not reach him during daylight, he could never escape The Echo. It followed wherever he went and tracked everything he did. Dr.Lumis explained that he merely suffered from an extreme case paranoia but John saw the others; who yelled and who screamed true nonsense, he was perfectly aware of himself and the ones around him. Dr. Lumis secretly believed patient #132 experienced Hyper-sanity though this he would never verbally confess. It was term he decided would for now adequately describe his patient’s acute awareness of The Shadows and The Echo. John would for many years go without hearing The Echo after that night, only ever hearing what seemed like the final moans of a dying voice. Back in present day, he hoped he wasn’t suffering another hallucination as they tended to leave him in an embarrassing shocked state. He questioned what “Ouroboros” could possibly mean in relation to himself. He considered the possibility of it being an early warning of some threat to the sanctity of his home. He quickly dismissed it as he had not interacted with anyone long enough to possibly annoy them. Weird them out? Sure. Offend them? Maybe with his sense of fashion. Following his incredibly fine-tuned survival instincts he put on a light coat and went outside to walk among the trees. A mundane task, but one he truly enjoyed especially since he hoped it would distract him for a short while. Just before he closed the door behind him, he took one more look at The Box sitting on his desk and decided to take it with him in case he met the person who had left it. The sun had begun to set marking the end of the day. He watched the sun hide behind the mountain range letting the world bathe in darkness for another night. John did not dislike the night (he had worked nightshifts in The Echo Room for years) but he didn’t find the freezing cold to be ideal. He had not left his land for what was a few years now and the idea of even slightly stepping out of his comfort was making him incredibly anxious. Still, he walked forward towards wherever the path took him. The night only got darker and quieter, and he only got colder. He did not see the lightning bugs that usually warded away the dark near the edge of his hill. Without the soft hum of bugs or soft breeze that would brush against his beard he felt alone. Even the nights back in the asylum did not possess this level of quiet. He kept moving hoping that eventually he would find something that could break the uncomfortable silence. As he continued down the hill, he realized he could no longer distinguish the path from the dirt surrounding it. He considered heading back when he realized he had not kept track of where he had come from. Not only was he lost but alone with his thoughts and whatever had been watching him from the start. He walked a step forward and then another one back repeatedly. What he was attempting to achieve was beyond reason. Had he gone mad? No, he was perfectly sane. “Wait, I can hear them clearly now” he spoke, his voice dried from the cold.“This is not a hallucination” he spoke softly.“i-I AM NOT HALLUCINATING” he proclaimed. He heard The Echo once more though they were not of his voice but rather of Another. He had long been aware of “The Echo” but he could never fully determine whether it was a dream or an effect of the chemicals but this Other was undoubtedly real. “I don’t know where you are but please. Are you real?” he asked the night. He could now hear The Echo or rather feel the pressure of its words upon his reality. Had it been trying to hide the Other? He walked forward and pulled out The Box. “You gave me this right? What for? What purpose does it serve?” No one responded.Annoyed, he threw it as far as he could down the hill. “THERE! THIS CAN’T CONTINUE WITHOUT IT, RIGHT?” He shouted at the endless empty. That’s when out of the darkness emerged a faint light. Was it a lightning bug or maybe a sign of civilization?
Act 3. Cautiously, he approached the cold light and saw that the light was artificial. The tube inside flickered before another appeared a few feet ahead, and then another and then another and then what seemed like an uncountable amount more. He took a step forward and noticed that the ground underneath had turned to hard white tile. Accepting that this was not the weirdest occurrence that had affected him he proceeded to walk forward making sure to keep a mental note to journal about it later. The surrounding landscape transformed into white walls that every so often had a window that let him peek at the other side. At first, he could still see the snowy landscape, but it to slowly changed; first having scattered papers and then chairs, cabinets, and desks until they eventually resembled a typical office. Its purpose was not obvious to him, and neither was the hallway but if they were changing surely, it possessed a deeper metaphorical meaning that related to his life. He saw a door at the very end of the hall and decided to not postpone the ploy of whatever “The Echo” was planning. He stood before the door wondering about what it could possibly contain. John proceeded to open the door. Inside was a desk along with a single cabinet. Walking inside he noticed that the room was illuminated by some otherworldly source that had no words that could possibly describe it. He walked towards the desk and a file he had not seen previously, sat open. Inside was a description of his physical appearance. “Age: 35. Height: 5’8. Weight: 185 lbs. Hair: Black with obvious signs of stress. Eyes: Brown. Character Aptitude: High.” “Okay, I get it. I’m old, you didn’t have to expose my hair like that” he said slightly embarrassed quickly restyling his hair. He noticed that even though they had an almost perfect description of his hobbies, dreams and wishes they did not have a single picture as if they for some reason were only able to use words. “SOOO you know about that one time in the asylum (don’t ask) BUT NOT A SINGLE PICTURE? That’s lame.” he said mockingly. On the final page he found what looked like an incomplete file; most of the personal attributes had not yet been filled and only a note was made reading. “They don’t need a complete story just one they can understand.” Besides the fact that whatever role he played in this act had been a mere afterthought; he was confused as to how anyone could have ever gathered such sensitive and personal information about his isolated life. Was it The Echo? Had it told them his life? A phone started to ring somewhere in the room abruptly breaking the silence he had become used to. He quickly rotated towards the source of the ringing but did not find anything. There was only him and the four walls that despite the lighting did not change a shade of grey. He walked towards one of them that seemed to be where the noise came from resting his hand on it and gently put his ear to it thinking that the ringing was from another room entirely. The wall he had just laid a hand on had no longer a physical representation and causing John to fall through to the other side. Disoriented he slowly looked up and saw The Telephone illuminated by what seemed to be the same light that illuminated the previous room. This one however was far more powerful and concentrated solely on The Telephone. He approached it expecting a chasm to somehow appear underneath his feet. The Telephone did not stop ringing and only seemed to increase in intensity (though this could have simply been a hallucination). He lifted it to cut the blaring noise and slowly put it to his ear. “hello?” “…” “…” “The protagonist only dies if the story ends” the voice said quietly. “HUH? YOU DRAGGED ME HERE TO TELL ME THAT OMINOUSLY ANNOYING LOAD OF *********!” “…I’m so sorry” The call disconnected not out of offense but rather out of completion. John slammed the phone back onto its stand and decided it was time for this nonsense to end. He walked out into the room he was in before anxiously attempting to find another exit: only to be met with solid walls. What wicked game had he been roped into? When would it end? These were questions he would answer far earlier than he expected. A door appeared in the center of the room. No, it was more of a two-dimensional plane that appeared to be a sort of portal. With no other options, John stepped into the newly opened portal.
Act 4. On the other side was a station, and his ears were immediately flooded with the cries of children and the laughs of their parents. He walked around moving through the crowd careful to not miss any indication of the location. His pace increased as he began to recognize the commuters shortly realizing exactly where he was. He rushed to a platform, the platform where he and his brother were to arrive after their day in the market. He sat on a nearby bench committed to saving his brother no matter who he would have to shove instead. Three agonizing days passed with the daily commuters repeating their routine with the slightest variations. One of these variations would be the key to preventing the day that haunted his nights. Something would soon cause him to shove his brother onto the tracks. He was determined to stop the fall or kill himself to keep his brother safe.He heard a familiar laughter and turned towards the source and saw his brothers face uncontrollably laughing and himself lightly smiling. He began to run towards them but felt once again suddenly exhausted. As if the air became a type of nonnewtonian sludge making his legs impossibly heavy. The crowd around him seemed to be moving just as easily as before; children laughing just as maniacally and just as carelessly. He tried to yell to them, but his lungs were filled with the dense fluid drowning any screams he attempted. He was forced to watch how his brother got closer and closer to the edge. Through much effort, he managed to get close enough to extend a hand towards his past trying to desperately push him away from his brother. The past reacted in what seemed to be a defensive system and sent a temporal anomaly throughout the space his past and present inhabited. Time began to exponentially speed forward. In a last desperate attempt to prevent his brother’s death he tried to distract the past long enough to let the train pass without incident, but the temporal anomaly caused the relative slow velocity of his touch to have the effect of a sudden jerk and in his final moments of consciousness he saw his brother accelerate towards the rails in a split second. He awoke back in the office alone with nothing, but the realization of what force had killed his brother. He curled into the fetal position and began to cry; still believing his lungs to be filled with the dense liquid he did not let out a single sigh. He spent several hours in this state of painful silence without even opening his eyes. His emotions were chaotic and his thoughts unending. They tormented him for hours far after he had run out of tears to let out. They were merciless and torturous forbidding him from resting, insisting on his suffering. Being the cause of his brother’s death nearly caused him to go insane yet part of him kept insisting that Another was to blame. Another had caused him to do it. The Other had forced his hand. Of this, he was now sure. The Other enjoyed his suffering, The Other forced him to kill his brother. He had not eaten nor slept in what seemed like years and yet he stood up defying the gravity that held him down. He took a deep breath of as much oxygen as his lungs allowed and began to speak. “Whoever you are. Whatever you are. Wherever you are. Just know I will no longer play for your entertainment the rest is entirely my choice” he said threateningly. He then began to walk forwards confidently towards the dark wall and through the hidden door that he was not supposed to see. He entered what seemed to be a studio room though, unlike the sterile office; it was trashed. Papers littered the floor and empty bottles populated the lone mattress. On it laid a journal that had recently had liquid spilt on it. He picked the journal and gently opened it and began to read. It was scratched with the stray ideas of a creator who seemed to have never decided upon an end or beginning to his story; yet possessing the journey. He saw many ideas that together seemed to create a way for the continuity to depend entirely on Another rather than itself. A thought described in a single word interested him enough to take it with him. The room started to dissolve around him transforming into a cold landscape. Armed with the knowledge of who he was he treaded what remained of the worn-out path. The sun began to rise signing the start of another day, yet John did not seem to notice as he was focused on something buried in the snow. He could not see much of it yet he knew it was The Box he had thrown the previous night. He dug it up and began his walk up the hill once more. He eventually arrived at his cabin and walked towards his front door….
Act 5.
If you wish to rebel; continue reading on the next page.
Begin the story once more on Truth 2.
If you wish to ward away The Other; don’t read any further
If you wish to follow The Echo read Truth 3
To understand turn to Truth 4
Truth 1
…Before deciding that no longer would he be a puppet for someone’s amusement. John arrogantly began marched back down the hill and headed north towards the nearest interstate a few miles from his home hoping that he had derailed The Echo’s plot. It took him hours on foot, but he would eventually come across the road and start his journey back to civilization no longer subject to the whims of an Otherworldly Audience. He believed his future was now his to decide. He decided what he would become. He decided when and what to think. This he was sure would be how he escaped his torment. John suddenly suffered a complete body collapse and fell forward landing face first onto the scorching road. It would be several sweltering hours before anyone would find him. But eventually someone did, john suffering heavy burns and on the brink of death was saved. He would awake months later in a hospital bed though no one would ever know of this. Weeks would pass as john laid in the hospital bed unable to speak or even move; alerting no one to his consciousness. The doctors and nurses were busy with whatever important patients needed immediate attention; they walked from one end to the other in what seemed like mere minutes. The entire time the only company he had was The Echo and yet slowly it too seemed to forget his existence as well. Eventually The Echo having no interest went away.Jane a third-year medical student had recently joined the staff a month prior and had already been assigned two elders and one child. Though overwhelmed she did not grow annoyed nor frustrated; she loved her job and by proxy her patients. Despite her benevolent nature there was a single patient she never went near as he always seemed to be watching her despite his eyes being shut for over four months. Any time she got near to patient #132 she would begin to get nauseous and quickly retreat. She had no ID on the man, but it seemed he was dehydrated for far longer than should’ve been possible and should be by all accounts dead if not near it. Whenever she worked nightshifts, she would swear that she heard the man whimper slightly as if to warn her of something. Even when she was on the opposite side of the building, she would hear the echo of his groans. She would eventually be transferred and would soon forget the man who after 6 months was officially declared braindead and was due to be disposed of, yet she would still every once in a while, still hear The Echo. Forgotten Ending
Truth 2…Realizing that there was no other choice John took a step forward while placing the note he ripped from the journal into The Box making sure to keep it neatly packaged. He saw the footprints he had left two nights before and carefully stepped into each one making sure to not disturb the surrounding snow. Whatever…Whoever had set him on this path allowed him to live a life of suffering, a life of loss, and a life of pain. This, he felt was the way things were intended to play out; the way it had to end. He placed The Box on the final step making sure it would not be knocked away whenever the door would eventually open. He walked away nearly to the edge of the property when he looked back once more. Managing to peek inside he saw his past still making his coffee when he saw an almost invisible distortion appear near the front door. He smiled and turned away only saying…Freedom ending
Truth 3…though spotting a disturbance near the back of the cabin distracted him from the front door. He decided to investigate for fear of losing a single blossoming tree. Arriving near the back fence he saw no indication of a disturbance giving him much needed reassurance. He heard noise emerge from inside the cabin giving him one more dilemma to deal with. He headed to the backdoor making sure to not disturb the recent snow and entered the cabin. Being sleep deprived and without coffee he had forgotten about the wooden floor and stepped on one that caused a creak to be heard throughout the cabin. He quickly hid in the bathroom fearing that he had disturbed the continuity that The Echo had established when suddenly a bright flash blinded him. He found himself at the front door next to The Box. Slightly amused he proceeded to knock on the door and was soon after transported once more to an empty hall. Both confused and entertained as he was being transported from one place in time to another he took a few steps forward alerting the past to his presence. Seeing his past enter the hall he ducked and quickly hid around the corner. His past seemed to believe that the doctor was in the halls and decided to investigate though just as he was nearing closer; his past collapsed. John saw how his fall was slowed as if moving through the dense liquid he had once gone through. He walked towards his past and noticed an old fashioned panic button that would instantly call Dr.Lumis to his location. Measuring the consequences, he decided to remove the panic button and head back towards The Shadows. For a third and final time he was transported to a final location, the bottom of a snowy hill. Taking in his surroundings he noticed burn marks on the snow where his past would eventually walk through the portal whenever the past caught up. He reached into his pocket and realized how the plot was supposed to move forward. He walked until he reached the exact point where his past would once again find The Box. He kneeled and buried The Box making sure to erase any evidence of his own disturbances. Fully fulfilling his purpose John collapsed. The End.
“Did the hero die?” “What?” “Did he die?” “No? He beat the bad guy and saved the day remember?” “Yea but like AFTER.” “Well, I guess after a few years he would.” “No” The young child said growing annoyed, “when you said, “The End” did he die?” “No.” responded the elder brother. “Then what happened to him? Is he still alive?” “The protagonist only dies if you stop reading.” concluded the elder brother as if possessed. Begin again?
Truth 4…Then just as he took his first step forward everything began to rot. His trees, his home, his coffee, all of it was slowly eroding into a fine dust. He knew that another temporal anomaly would be the likely cause, but he had not yet experienced one that possessed this level of molecular destruction. The fabric of his reality was slowly and thoroughly being untangled into its most simple of compositions. It separated the light from dark, gravity from time, and words from spaces.John could now comprehend what had defined his reality for so many painful years, he finally understood The Narrative and how all possible endings had been chosen long before his creation. John had been a slave from the moment The Narrative began; not once in his entire existence had he ever had a real choice only walking paths already treaded by Another. He was nothing but a plot device in an otherwise self-indulging tale written by a gentle master forced to be cruel for those above. From the moment this story began, John was in pain. He could never hope to truly escape; he could only die until he arose once more. Had John never understood what his life really was then maybe he could’ve found meaning in his suffering. Unfortunately, this choice has now forced John to become aware of how truly meaningless his existence was. His life was little more than entertainment for The Other; they were the ones truly in control. For as long as The Other remained, The Echo would doom John to eternal suffering. The Echo was never in control of The Narrative; he too was merely a subject to it by an even greater force. The Echo did not wish for John to suffer but The Other would not allow John to live if he did not. It is a toxic cycle of pain, suffering and realization that forces John to relive The Narrative lifetime after lifetime. The Narrative must have suffering intertwined into its foundation otherwise The Other would grow bored and erase the reality ending John in but a mere thought. Don’t you see? Don’t you understand? This is reality; John cannot exist without pain, The Echo cannot live without a narrative, and The Other is you. THE END......
Intended to be a philosophical narrative detailing the tragic relationship between the reader, the narrator, and the character and how they cannot coexist without hurting each other.