Chest congestion and scratchy throat

Hello all. FTM to an almost 4 month old baby boy. I am waiting on a call back from the pediatrician but figured I would post here to see if I’m overreacting 🫠
Baby was born a month early. Since he’s been born he’s had pretty bad congestion on and off. A couple weeks after he was born he ended up in the hospital with bronchiolitis.
I reached out to the doctor last week because it was getting worse when he wakes up and he sounds like he’s sniffling a lot and seems like there’s a lot in his nose but when I look I don’t see anything so assuming more in the chest. They saw him and he tested negative for Covid, Flu and RSV and they said probably just a cold.
Cut to today. The congestion is just getting worse, he is coughing a good amount, doesn’t seem to have a fever but feels slightly sweaty, sneezing and has been having diarrhea minus one diaper that had one solid part and the rest liquid yesterday and his voice sounds a little hoarse and he cries some when he coughs. He also has a minor diaper rash.
We have a humidifier going 24/7, took him in the steamy bathroom, gave him a warm bath and put baby Vicks on his feet and chest. He just is fussy and miserable.
The one good thing is he still has the same appetite and is eating 5.5-6 oz of formula every 3-3.5 hours but he is needing to take a lot of breaks to catch his breath.
Could this just be a cold running its course? Is there anything that can be done to help break up chest congestion besides what I’ve been doing? Am I just worrying for nothing? It’s so hard because I wish he could just tell me what’s wrong.

Hi everyone, I’m new to Reddit and it’s nice to see communities like this. I’m having a panic attack right now, I’m under control and it’s been happening so long that even though I can’t breathe and my heart feels like it’s beating funny I know I’m not going to die necessarily, although it feels like it.
I had a TBI in 2021 that haunted my military career, I ended up getting out. During that healing process I had bouts of anxiety and panic, as well as DPDR which is a whole nother ball of wax.
Since then I have been improving, but it is hard! Today for the first time in a long time, I had a small redbull and drank a beer, I wanted to test my limits and see if any improvement has come over the years. I’m sober, I don’t drink, no drugs, no tobacco/nicotine not even caffeine. Not because I choose not to, I can’t! I was sitting in my chair watching a movie and my throat got tight, chest too. Heart felt like it was beating funny, palms got sweaty, got nauseous, I was panicking. I still am, but for some reason writing this out makes me feel better, relieved maybe?
Ladies and gents, what gives? When does it end? Does it end? It’s been close to three years now and I’m always anxious. I’m always paranoid and on edge. I’m prescribed medications and they DO help but sometimes the physical symptoms are so intense it overpowers the meds, and myself! I can’t self talk myself out of it and have to suffer the duration.
I’m afraid I know the answer to the question, but does the suffering ever end or do I just learn to live with it how it is.
Thank u for reading this far, any help is greatly appreciated 👍🏻

https://ibb.co/mXc6Pyw
My daughter, 15F, started feeling ill Apr 28. It started with fever, body ache, and congestion/sinus pain and cough and ear ache, and deep fatigue. We treated with advil/tylenol, figuring it was just a normal cold. It was getting worse and throat was very inflamed (though not sore, apparently) with those white spots so started clarithromycin May 5 (allergic to amoxicillin). Did a course of 7 days, twice daily. May 6 we started doing peridex rinse 2x day, and saltwater baking soda rinse every 2 hours. A couple days into this routine, her throat started hurting badly but the fever and other symptoms started getting better. But throat has been steadily getting worse, along with pain in the back of the head and neck, and still a bit of a cough. The doctor prescribed another course of clarithromycin since the throat is still inflamed with white spots (picture in link is current). We are on day 3 of the second course of clarithromycin. We have had a swab come back negative for strep and a mono blood test also come back negative. The pain in throat, back of the head and neck seems to be getting worse, worst in the mornings upon waking. The tylenol and advil do help the pain.
If it's not strep or mono, what else could this be?
(Taking vit D 5000iu/day due to deficiency, and iron supplement as well, normal dose)

I just came across these myths, Maybe they can tell us something about Luffy, Dragon, Imu and the One Piece.
Rahu (my take is IMU):
The tales begin in the "remotest periods of the earliest of time, when the devas and asuras churned the ocean of milk to extract from it the amrita, the elixir of immortality." - Svarbhanu, an Asura (demon) deceived Vishnu’s female avatar Mohini, posing as a Deva(god) to steal the elixir of immortality. Displeased, Mohini cut Svarbhanu’s head. Svarbhanu was henceforth referred to as Rahu (head) and Ketu (body), could not die, but his head was separated from his body.
Following this event, Rahu (IMU) and Ketu (Five Elder planets representing his torso, both legs and arms) gained the status of planets, and could influence the lives of humans on Earth.
Rahu and Ketu became bitter enemies with Surya (Sun - Sun God Nika or Monkey D. Luffy) and Chandra (Moon - Marshall D. Teach) for exposing his deception and leading to his decapitation.
Hanuman (hindu deity that inspired Sun Wookong):
When Hanuman was an infant, he was once left unattended by his earthly mother and father. He became hungry, and when the Sun rose, he believed it to be a ripe fruit. So, Hanuman leapt up towards the Sun with extreme speed. Vayu (Wind God) his celestial father, blew cold wind on him to protect him from the burning Sun. Coincidentally, Rahu (Imu maybe) was meant to swallow the Sun (Eternal Flame?) and eclipse it that day. As Rahu approached the Sun, he saw Hanuman (Nika) about to eat it.
Hanuman saw Rahu and thought Rahu to be a fruit as well, so he attempted to eat him too. Rahu fled to the court of the king of the devas, Indra (Lightning God), and complained that while he was meant to satisfy his hunger with the Sun, there was now a bigger Rahu who tried to consume the Sun and himself.
Indra set out on Airavata, his divine elephant (Zunesha?), to investigate alongside Rahu, who retreated once more when he saw how enormous Hanuman had grown. Hanuman was playing with the Sun's chariot and reached for Rahu again. As Rahu cried out to Indra for help, Hanuman saw the Airavata and mistook it for yet another fruit.
When he approached in his giant form, Indra struck his left jaw with a thunderbolt and injured him. Hanuman began falling back towards the Earth when he was caught by Vayu.
Kuafu (a giant of chinese legend):
There was a vast mountain in the desolated plains of the north. In the mountain forest lived a tribe of mighty giants (The Kuafu-Shi). They were led by Kuafu (Joyboy and Roger); the grandson of Houtu (Mother Earth). The giants were strong but kind, leading simple lives.
The leader, Kuafu, was not only tall and muscular, but also had strong legs which enabled him to run faster than a rabbit. He often led his people to fight with beasts for survival. Thus he often wore yellow snakes he caught as earrings, and swung snakes in his hands with pride.
One day, Kuafu sat on a slope watching the sun slowly setting in the west. As the land was gradually covered in darkness, he suddenly came up with a wild idea. If he captured the sun, would he then bring bright light and warmth to the world forever?
Hearing his idea, many people tried to talk him out of it.
“Don’t even think about it,” one said. “The sun is too far way, and you will die from fatigue!”
“The sun is too hot. You will be burned alive,” another said.
But Kuafu was determined to compete with the sun and try to catch it.
As the sun rose the next morning, Kuafu bade farewell to his tribe and started chasing the sun with a cane in his hand.
The sun was just like a naughty child, prancing across the sky. Kuafu raced across the land like a gush of wind, chasing the sun relentlessly. He chased it over mountains and rivers, shaking the land with every step he took.
The sun rose higher and higher and yet Kuafu kept chasing it with sweat streaming down his face.
He was famished and extremely thirsty so he ran to a fruit tree to quench his thirst and relieve his hunger. When tired, Kuafu leaned against his cane and took a quick rest.
The chase continued and the sun began dropping in the west.
Kuafu got agitated and shouted, “You keep on running, and see if I don’t catch you!”
The sun didn’t seem to care at all and moved even faster into the western horizon. Kuafu twirled his cane, and scurried across the plains, racing thousands of miles toward the sun. It seemed that he was getting closer and closer. He chased it all the way to the Mount Yanzi. As Kuafu stretched forth his mighty arms in an attempt to catch the ball of fire, a wave of heat gushed in, blowing him far way. Fortunately, he regained balance with his cane.
Kuafu kept his chin up and started chasing yet again. The closer he got to the sun, the hotter it got. His sweat drained profusely, leaving his clothes soaked. He took his clothes off and exposed his dark and strong chest.
As he kept running, Kuafu felt terribly thirsty. His throat was dry and sore. Suddenly, his eyes lit up with the Yellow River coming into his sight. He rushed over and leaned into the river, gulping up the water fiercely.
He was so thirsty that he drank up all the water in the Yellow River. Still thirsty, Kuafu ran to the Weihe River and started gulping again. The Weihe River got drunk dry as well. But Kuafu’s thirst was still not quenched. So he headed north to another big lake.
The big lake sat in the north of Mount Yanmen. The water was clean and clear, with birds flocking and flourishing around. Thinking all of the fresh water, Kuafu scurried over even faster. He tried to get there before the sun set, so that he could keep on chasing the sun again after quenching his thirst.
However, his footsteps got heavier and heavier. The intense thirst slowed him down immensely, and Kuafu fell down like a mountain with a large booming sound.
Just as he fell, Kuafu flung his cane over with all his strength. The cane made an arc in the air and then fell into the distance.
Just then, the sun set into the Yu Valley of Mountain Yanzi, leaving a golden afterglow on Kuafu’s face.
The sun rose again the next dawn, yet Kuafu had already turned into a huge mountain where he fell down.
On the northern side of the mountain, there was a lush peach orchard, which was turned from his cane.
Kuafu (Joyboy and Roger) believed that there would always be someone else trying to chase the sun like he did and the peach orchard (One Piece) he left would help them quench their thirst. Just as he planned, the orchard flourished, creating shelter and shade for passers-by and offered fruit (Devil Fruit?) to relieve their thirst and exhaust (give hope).
Though the myth suggested that Kuafu chased the Sun on the spur of a moment, some scholars conjectured that it may have actually been planned for the whole tribe searching for water source in the draught. Chasing the sun indicated that the tribe tried migrating westward for water.

In hindsight, I should have known something was wrong with The Caeles Academy of Acting.
Maybe the fact that it doesn't exist to the outside world.
This place prided itself on famous alumni it didn't actually name, and a once in a lifetime opportunity to work with the best in the business.
It's what I wanted.
More than anything.
After enduring four years of high school with barely a semblance of a drama club (we met every month, and our teacher was an alcoholic), and countless failed auditions, I was ready to take my acting career seriously. I had one year.
According to my parents, I had one year to make a living from my passion.
If it didn't work out, I would be on the first plane back to Connecticut.
It's not like they didn't trust me. I think they were just scared I wouldn't be able to financially support myself. So, I got a job right out of high school and slipped a year. Drama schools are expensive, and college’s are cut-throat on who they take on. I found Caeles Academy by accident–or, I guess it found me?
After researching cheap drama classes, auditions, academy’s, literally anything to progress my career, an ad popped up.
Not exactly flashy.
Just a date, a time, and a promise that they only take the best. I ignored it, but throughout the week, I started getting more ads. Just the words, “IMPRESS US - - JOIN CAELES ACADEMY NOW.”
Followed by, “BE WITH THE BEST, AND BE THE BEST. JOIN THE S CLASS NOW.”
When I googled the academy, nothing came up.
I gave up, clicking on the ad, which sent me straight to an application form.
I filled in my details as more of a joke. But I wasn't expecting to get an email back. Again, it was a time, a date, and that exact same tagline: “Impress us.”
However, Caeles Academy was different from what I imagined.
I was expecting a university building, or at least some modern structure.
Judging from their marketing and ads, I figured they could at least afford decent premises. Though I was mistaken. When I stepped out of the Uber, I found myself staring at what looked like an abandoned office tower, a red-brick monolith in the middle of nowhere.
Which was crazy, because I swore a girl wearing a bikini had strode through the doors, with nothing but her phone, and a coffee tucked under her elbow.
According to the text sent from the academy, the auditioning rooms were on the third floor.
Tipping my head back, the checkerboard of broken windows didn't exactly instil confidence.
Neither did the clunky set of automatic doors that took a while to open.
It was a summer's day, and the heat was already baking through my dress, sweat sticky on the back of my neck.
I wanted to make a good impression, but the heels were a little over the top.
Though I had also seen a girl casually walk in wearing a two piece bikini.
“Well?”
Freddie’s voice made me jump. I forgot I was on the phone to him. I was excited the whole car-ride, already high on five coffees, and now I was silent.
If I perceived the ‘academy’ from an objective standpoint, it definitely looked like the perfect place to be brutally murdered. But my own personal opinion was it was.. okay.
“What's it like?”
I pretended not to see a rat scuttling under an old candy wrapper.
“It's… fine.”
“Just fine?”
I could hear the smirk in my friend’s tone. He couldn't wait to tell me it was a scam, and had been reminding me all week I was essentially willingly selling myself to the black market. I was stubborn, so, fine sounded better than my initial first impression.
Which was to turn around, walk away, and completely block the place from my memory.
Unfortunately, at that moment, I valued my pride over my awareness.
“It's… okay.” I said, trying to find positives. I was staring at a looming grey building with shattered windows and a resident rat living near the door. I had a hard time figuring out how the girl from earlier had just casually strode inside, barefoot too. I glanced down at the ground, immediately regretting it.
Like there weren't bits of chewing gum and grime stuck to the concrete.
“Huh.” Freddie said, his tone creeping into teasing territory. “You're really selling it.”
“It just looks like a building,” I muttered, my gaze glued to the rat, who looked a little too comfortable.
Maybe it was a pet.
I was getting progressively more infuriated the more I stared down this place. Judging from the decades old writing ingrained into the door, it used to be a dentist surgery. “What do you want me to say?” I wasn't even trying to hide the scorn from my voice. “It's a building that looks like an academy.”
“Can you send a picture?” Freddie asked, “Ooh, wait, I'll face-time you.”
“That's, uh, that’s not really necessary–”
I was cut off, suddenly, when a guy threw himself through the automatic doors, palms first. He took two stumbled steps forwards, one back, and lifted his head, half lidded eyes finding the sky, before dropping to his knees and heaving up pinkish liquid.
I could see him trying to hold it in, slamming his hands over his mouth, only for it to splurge through his fingers, showering the ground in greyish pink froth.
Like he'd downed a bottle of Pepto Bismol.
Inching towards him, I realized it was Pepto Bismol.
The stink made my own stomach churn.
“Missy?”
I found my voice. “Uh, can I call you back later?”
Before my friend could answer, I ended the call, slipping my phone in my pocket.
The guy was still heaving, coughing up globules of pink.
“Are you okay?”
The sound of my heels click-clacking on concrete made me cringe. The guy noticed, flinching away. Closer, and I could see his scraggly blonde hair.
He was handsome.
Without the bile spewing down his chin.
Early twenties, wearing a fitted white shirt now covered in streaks of bright pink. Part of me wanted to make a half-hearted joke, but getting even closer, so close I could smell his pepto-breath, I noticed he was trembling, his hands clenched into fists.
When I attempted to awkwardly pat him on the shoulder, he twisted around, so fast my morning coffee slithered its way back up my throat.
His eyes were wide, almost feral, studying me like a wild animal.
I noticed the whites of his pupils were red, like he'd burst a blood vessel.
Theatre kids were intense, though I had never met THIS kind of intense.
“Are you… going in there?” The guy’s voice was a child-like whimper I wasn't expecting.
It looked like he was slowly regaining clarity, staring down at his filthy shirt, his hands stained bright pink.
I nodded, uncertainly, offering him my water. “Yeah. Did you audition?”
He shoved it away, slapping himself in the face. “I… I don't know.”
“You… don’t know?”
Suddenly, it was like something had contorted in his expression, a switch being pulled. I wasn't expecting him to twist around so fast. The guy slowly cocked his head, his lips breaking into a grin. His eyes, however, stayed the same.
“Of course I've auditioned.” He said, with a laugh.
“It was the best experience of my life!" His mouth formed an almost mocking frown.
“Unfortunately, I didn't make the cut. Which is a real shame. I'm sure Caeles would have benefited from my talents.”
What was weird, is that his mouth was moving, but he wasn't even looking at me, frenzied eyes caught in an oblivion I couldn't see.
When he did look at me, his expression crumpled all over again.
Pepto jumped to his feet, brushing himself down.
I couldn't take his over the top smile seriously, when his eyes were screaming, hollowed out caverns silently begging me to listen.
This guy was fucking crazy.
“Wait.” Pepto whispered, when I turned to walk away.
He pulled out his phone, tapping the screen before shoving it in my face.
I HAD SO MUCH FUN AT THE CAELES ACADEMY AUDITIONS :)
When I could only stare at him in confusion, Pepto’s gaze flicked to his phone, swiping bile from his lips.
His eyes went cartoon wide, like he couldn't believe what he himself was typing.
“That… that's not what I was trying to say!” He tried retyping it, but the guy was just writing strings of emoji hearts.
I didn't know what to say. I had dealt with rejection before, but I had never gone this far. Pepto was having a full on mental breakdown, his body shuddering, teeth chattering, blinking eyes and lips parting as if to speak, but choking on his words. When he started clawing out his hair, I took the opportunity to make a quick getaway.
Before I could make it to the doors, though, Pepto jumped in front of me, waving his phone directly in my face.
“Just…” he pointed at the screen. “It won't let me…” Growing frustrated with himself, he let out a wet sounding sob, clawing his fingers through his hair.
“Fuck, it won't let me…it won't let me type! It's not letting me type!”
By now, he had tufts of hair stuck between his fingernails. I don't know why his first reaction was to immediately try ripping his hair out.
A quick glance at my own phone reminded me of my own audition that was in five minutes.
Meanwhile, I was dealing with what I was pretty sure was delusion, denial, or a mixture of both.
I was considering pushing past him, when Pepto’s phone screen hit me in the face. Again.
This time, though, there was coherent writing.
“FIND LUKE.”
“Luke?” I said. “Who's that?”
“Luke!” The guy was bouncing on the heels of his feet. “He's my…” Pepto drifted off, his eyes going vacant, as if I could physically see his brain being plucked from his skull. Pepto dropped his phone, and I grabbed it before it could hit the ground. His hands went to his curls, clawing, scratching, until he was drawing blood across his forehead.
“I… I don't know! I can't… I can't remember. Luke. He was my… he was my… I don't know, I can't… I can't–”
I stumbled back when he let out a shriek, scratching at his face.
“Fuck!” He whimpered. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!”
Pepto grabbed my shoulders, shaking me, his fingers digging into my skin.
“I don't know who he is.” He gritted out, pink froth pooling from his lips.
Pepto broke out into a sob. “I don't… I don't know who he is, but you can find him, right? You can… you can find…”
Again, he trailed off mid sentence, his hands going limp around my shoulders.
I managed to side step him, swallowing a cry.
“Yeah, I'll, um, I'll find him for you.”
Pepto backed away, suddenly, stumbling over himself.
His gaze found mine, vacant, like a baby deer.
“Find who?”
I didn't wait around to answer him, pushing through the doors and stepping inside.
The interior was unsurprisingly even worse than the exterior.
The elevator was broken, so I had to run up three flights of stairs.
I expected at least an attempt at an academy, even in the dregs of an old dentist surgery.
What I got, though, was a never ending staircase, obnoxious photos of teeth greeting me on every level.
The third floor was… less clinical.
I strode directly into a waiting room filled with college aged students, either sitting on plastic chairs, or standing around, rehearsing.
The room itself was cosy enough, a navy carpet and a TV playing a random Twitch stream.
Situated in the middle was a desk with a bored looking woman behind it.
Her smile was fake. I could understand her pain. She was stuck in a room with theatre kids all day.
“Sign here.” She prodded a sheet of paper.
I was convinced her voice was AI.
While I was scribbling my details, I took a moment to notice the stark difference from the kids entering the room, to the ones leaving. The kids entering wore wide, confident smiles and were social butterflies, chatting amongst themselves.
The kids leaving reminded me of pod people.
They left the room silent, in an orderly line with dazed smiles on their faces, like they weren't sure where they were.
I watched one guy walk directly into the wall instead of taking a left toward the exit, and a girl straight up just toppled down the stairs.
The kids waiting with me named them rejects.
I wasn't convinced until I glimpsed an empty bottle of Pepto Bismol sitting on the floor by the window.
Thinking back to Pepto, that made a lot of sense.
I was still dazedly staring at the bottle, when my name was called.
Jumping to my feet, I did my best to calm myself down, straightening my ponytail. Pepto had really screwed with my head. I could barely even remember the lines I had been rehearsing for a week straight.
I was muttering my lines to myself, when I stepped through the door.
The door that apparently turned you into a pod-person on the way out.
For a moment, I thought I was blinded by stage lights.
It was so bright.
The glow bathing me was clinical, stabbing into my eyes.
When I blinked, I found myself standing in front of three shadows sitting in front of me.
Their chairs were made of leather, far different from the plastic ones in the waiting room.
So, they did have filthy cash.
I was looking at one man, and two women.
They were… average?
I expected them to be more glitzier, but they were just regular people.
The man was in his late twenties, maybe early thirties, a stiff looking brunette wearing a suit and tie, one leg crossed over the other. His eyes were narrowed slightly, lips curved into the start of a smile. Like I amused him.
The women were polar opposites.
One of them was my Mom’s age, grey hair and floral clothing. She took a sip of water, her gaze burning into me.
Google told me not to be intimidated by their stares, but it was impossible.
These people were carving holes into my skull.
Sitting next to her, a younger girl who seemed to own the color red.
Her hair simmered, blood red, while she herself was sculpted in a dress, perfect cherry lips spread in a wide smile.
With a little too many teeth.
They studied my face like I was already theirs, drinking in every inch of me.
Freddie said I had to find a weakness in their expression and use it to my advantage.
If I could find the prick of a genuine smile, I could become their favorite.
“Hi!” I said. My caffeine intake was starting to take effect.
I didn't realize I was bouncing up and down until I caught myself.
Red’s smile stretched wider.
Maybe they liked my eagerness.
“My name is Misa.” I introduced myself, staying casual, keeping my arms by my sides. “I'm twenty one years old–”
I choked on my next words when Red spoke up. “Impress us, Misa,” Her voice was a smooth, almost seductive rasp, and I felt myself fall into it, enveloped in sugar that was too sweet, and yet I couldn't stop myself. She folded her arms across her chest, her gaze challenging me to do something different. To make her want me.
“Show us something we have never seen before.” She stood up, cat-like eyes narrowing, “Show us how desperate you are to join this prestigious class.”
I nodded, and began.
I had planned a whole monologue, practised it over and over again, forcing Freddie to judge me with a none biassed opinion.
I was three lines in, when Red started laughing.
“Stop.”
I did, my cheeks heating up, and she started clapping.
“Sweetie, oh, stop, you're adorable!” She said, her lips curving into a cruel smirk.
She leaned forward, like I was something that entertained her, jostling her heeled foot. “We don't take amateurs. I think you need to go back to school.”
This woman was definitely a psychopath.
Empty eyes sparkling with a gleam that definitely enjoyed humiliating candidates, and a twisted smile that was a little too wide. Red made me want to crawl into the ground.
She made me want to turn around, leave the room, and quit my dream. I was aware of my own fury, my embarrassment turning my cheeks crimson. I matched her.
Maybe that's what she wanted all along. To wear the color of her victims.
Taking a shaky step back, I started to nod, started to agree, my mouth choking with the words, “You're right. I'm sorry for wasting your time."
I had never received proper constructive criticism from a professional standpoint.
Which meant I really did suck.
But I didn't move. I didn't want to move, and Red continued laughing, her companions sitting in silence.
The man rolled his eyes with a loud, exaggerated sigh.
Like I was boring.
The older woman pulled out her phone.
“Misa, you are…cute.” Red said. “But you're not quite what we are looking for.”
I wasn't sure I could admit it right there, but she made me feel things.
Like I was ignited.
Like I was going to prove this crazy bitch wrong.
I found my voice, strong and confident, despite my hammering heart.
“Give me another chance.”
Red’s lips curled. “So cute, Misa. Oh, sugar bear, It would be better if you left the room. Unless you want to embarrass yourself further! In that case, be my guest!”
She turned her attention to her nails, nudging the guy.
“Dinner?” She hummed. “I'm thinking of Italian. You are quite the wine connoisseur, Nicholas. Why don't you introduce me to your favorite?”
“Hey.” I blurted.
They ignored me, getting a little too close.
I don't know why I continued, reading my lines, screaming them, so I would be heard. I read them perfectly, and tweaking the genre from drama to romance, and then to horror. I became three different characters, a high school girl struggling with cancer, a final girl, and a woman going through a divorce.
I was fucking perfect.
But they weren't listening to me, caught up in their own conversation.
I tried again.
And again.
And again.
By now, I was on my knees, my fingers ripping into my hair. I was seeing red.
“We want originality, Misa,” Red said, sucking her teeth.
Her voice crawling into my skull was enough.
She still wanted me.
The thought polluted the back of my mind, taking a strangling hold. She still wanted me. When I lifted my head, Red wasn't looking at me, her gaze on the table grains. “Show us something new.”
I got to my feet, panting, my breath in my throat.
I became a screaming, strangled mess, a woman who lost her baby.
Red’s interest was piqued. Only slightly. Through my fraying vision, she slowly turned in her chair. “Again.” She clapped her hands, “Come on, Misa! We want new! We want never been fucking done before! Are you deaf?”
I couldn't stop the sobs escaping my mouth.
They lost interest again, right in the middle of my reading.
“Why can't you look at me?” I found myself spluttering.
When the man pulled out a bottle of water, I pulled off my heel and lobbed it at his face.
“Look at me!”
He did. Slowly. His gaze found me, for perhaps the first time.
Not as an amateur, but as a potential candidate.
Around the twentieth attempt, I started to laugh. Never been done before? I could feel my fingernails already in my scalp, clawing chunks of my hair out.
Reality contorted, and I felt myself drop to my knees. I was still laughing, spluttering, sobbing. I could still hear her in my head. Never Been Done Before. I started slowly, dragging my fingernails down my face until I felt the harsh sting.
“Again.” Red said, and her voice led me to stare down at my hands, at pinkish flesh glued to my bones, fleshy mounds.
So easy to tear. I didn't even feel it.
Only the sudden, unbridled euphoria of biting into my own skin, locking in my jaw, and ripping into myself.
When I tore it from the bone, warmth filled my mouth, and I was choking, guzzling down my own flesh, mulling it in my mouth and swallowing.
I can't remember how I got so deep, and why I didn't stop.
Why I didn't fucking scream.
But it didn't matter.
Red was standing up. She was clapping, her lips spread into a grin.
Her applause filled me with stars.
So, I ripped my hair from my scalp, a hysterical giggle escaping my lips.
She loved me.
I could see her jumping up and down, clapping.
Louder, and louder.
Her applause controlled me, twisting and contorting me into hers.
I didn't even think. I wanted to impress her, and doing this was doing just that.
My fingers were delving into my right eye socket, clawing my eye out. It didn't even hurt. Not with her thundering applause that was deafening, beautiful, an orchestra in my ears.
When I was semi conscious, my eye was crushed in my hand, but my vision was still mine, almost too clear. I could see streaks of red blurred between my lashes. My hair was caught between my fingers. But I wanted to do more.
When I stumbled to my feet, Red’s smile was so beautiful.
The man, however, looked horrified.
“Someone bring in the one of the successes,” Red’s voice was a shrill giggle, “Bring him in!” she clapped her hands together, and I spat out a fleshy thing. “I want to see them together! I want to see the future in front of us!”
Footsteps coming towards me in slow, shuddery thumps. I looked up, and a shadow was dancing around me.
When I slowly rose to my feet, I half realized I’d bitten my toe off. The shadow had a face, a boy who was younger than me. I think he used to have hair, but half of it was gone, half of it was still stuck between his fists. When I found his eyes, I found twin caverns instead.
Eyes that were still physically there, and yet there was no life.
No spark.
I was staring at a dead body, a flesh puppet who had lost his strings.
When he grabbed my hands, pulling me into a waltz, I caught a smear of scarlet trickling down the back of his neck. When I followed it upwards, his head was covered, slick, dripping with red.
Like me, he matched her too.
And he was beautiful, she told me, her push, her thunderous applause, guiding me into a waltz.
His feet moved, perfecting every step, and my foggy mind couldn't understand why. He matched my every move, the two of us floating across the floor.
My feet knew the steps before my mind.
How could he dance? I thought, dizzily.
How could he dance, when smeared scarlet followed his twisting, and turning and pirouetting feet?
Because underneath that swimming clinical light, the back of the boy’s head had been carved away, a perfectly sculpted cavern where his brain should have been. I could see the severed stem, where it had cleanly plucked out.
His fingers cradled in mine were wet. Swimming in blood.
His own blood.
Spinning round and around, I imagined myself as a princess.
I saw an 18th century ballroom lit up around us. Glittering smiles and glasses of champagne, long, flowing ball gowns.
I blinked, and my head was tipped back, gliding in blood once again.
When he pulled me to his chest, I stumbled, and a name came to light.
Luke.
I had found him.
Our finishing spin left me hard to breathe.
My body was broken, ripped into, and yet somehow not.
By the time we were finished, the two of us bowing, my mind was full of fog.
Cotton candy.
“Congratulations!” Red’s smile was inhuman, stretching right off of her face.
“You're in the S class!”
I was led through a door that wasn't the one I entered from. Inside the room were a dozen or so students, kneeling on the floor. They were missing parts of themselves, like unfinished puzzle pieces.
I dropped onto my knees next to a girl without a head. I could only see her torso, but I knew she was smiling.
Looming over us, was the goddess Athena drenched in blood that was still wet.
Dripping, pooling from every crevice of her dress.
Looking closer, this statue was moving.
Something sickly crept into my mouth.
Her right eye was human, a twitching eyeball sandwiched inside the stone.
It didn't match her. It was wrong, horrifying, like a painting, a real human eye struggling to focus on us.
And then, my own gaze found the statues head, where a real human brain had been forced inside perfect white, pink, greyish mush dripping down the sculpted, slender neck.
I could see where it had been pushed, pulverised through the stone.
The statue’s singular eye found me.
Its dancing pupil jumped up and down.
Before it blinked.
Next to me, Luke was on his knees, as if in prayer.
I can't remember leaving the room.
I just remember running.
Back down the stairs, stumbling, staggering over myself.
I was screaming by the time I reached the doors.
They opened, as usual.
But I couldn't get through. I tried, but I was slamming into something I couldn't see.
Pepto was still waiting outside. The sky was dark.
When he saw me, he stumbled over, slamming his hands into the glass.
I couldn't even understand myself. I was just fucking screaming.
Pepto held up his phone.
“DID YOU FIND HIM?”
I shook my head.
“No.” I lied.
I can't tell him the truth. I don't even know what it is.
“I can't get out!”
Pepto nodded slowly, typing something and showing me his phone.
I'm getting you both out of there. I think I know how I can get inside.
It's been 3 days, and Pepto is yet to return.
I’ve tried multiple times to cry out for the H word. But it won't let me type it.
Please H me. I need to get out of this place.
Fuck. Get me OUT OF HERE.
Classes start tomorrow.

Roughly a month ago after excessive alcohol consumption I realized my hangover symptoms weren't normal.. Clammy skin, cotton in the brain, heart palpitations, and dysphagia. The last two were unique and especially the dysphagia was completely new. Every second or third word if I wasn't extremely focused would come out slurred. While at work this freaked me out, a lot. I managed to get myself together in the second half of my shift and most of my symptoms went away. I suddenly had energy again and didn't feel like I was thinking through molasses.
Fast forward over the next 4-5 weeks I would experience new symptoms, typically trailing heavy drinking days. The cotton in the brain, trouble swallowing (full-blown dysphagia hasn't happened again so far), heart palpitations and general weird body and mind feelings..
I only drink on weekends, but lately I have been putting away some serious alcohol compared to past practice. I haven't been doing this consistently for years, I typically take breaks such as observing dry January. I have no doubt my recent scare involves some alcohol withdrawal, but I believe it also lead straight into an almost 48 hour long panic or anxiety attack.
Before 5 weeks ago I considered myself someone that mostly became anxious in normal and appropriate times to do so. However, I have been reaching a substantial amount of stress lately.. Things not done, new experiences on the horizon, not following through with healthier practices, etc..
Now then onto my most recent experience, Wednesday was day 3 of heavy drinking. I think I would sum up maybe 5,000-6,000ml of 8% beer on Wednesday alone. I woke up still a little intoxicated, my fitbit clocked 5-6hrs of sleep. I proceed to work where I develop some of the previous symptoms as I sober up: Clammy skin, trouble swallowing, confusion/cotton brain, heart palpitations, shortness of breath. After I make it off-shift 10 hours later I start to feel a bit better. I make it home, and I take some recently prescribed hydroxyzine. (I visited Urgent Care a week prior for help with some of these symptoms, the doctor didn't ask nor did I volunteer my drinking habits. He was however convinced I was suffering from panic or anxiety attacks.)
After taking 25mg and trying for some much needed sleep I begin to go into an episode of fear, maybe even dread. All of my previous symptoms return including some new ones: Chills, Hot Flashes, Muscle Spasms, Restless Legs, Twitching, Insomnia. I got about 1 hour of sleep Thursday Night. Every attempt was met by jerking awake the second I entered sleep.. like having a door shut in your face. The worst symptoms showed up after my attempt at sleep. A rising feeling in my stomach like being on a rollercoaster that would travel up my body but stop around my chest area, sudden onset of intense fatigue or a wave of cotton-brain, and an uncontrollable feeling in my throat and jaw that I can't seem to describe.
These symptoms continued pretty consistently for 48 hours. I did get 3 hours of sleep on the second night. I did not go to the hospital. I decided on the third day if they persisted I would go to the ER. So far most symptoms have tapered down to become non-existent or very minimal. I do still get a smaller rising sensation in my stomach anytime I panic, such as thinking about if I'll be able to sleep tonight, etc..
I came here to tell this story but also to ask if anyone has experienced these scarier symptoms during a panic or anxiety attack. I have stopped the sauce for now, and classic Google is telling me that my symptoms can be anything from dehydration to epilepsy.
I am brand new to panic/anxiety disorders. Apologies for the long read.

Female 8 years old Caucasian 64 lb
She had a fever and minor nasal congestion on Wednesday. We kept her home Thursday and she got worse on Friday (102 fever)
Took her to urgent care where she tested positive for strep.
Since then she’s developed a pretty dry cough that gets pretty bad at times. She was just going down to bed and coughing like mad.
From what I’ve read this isn’t typically a symptom of strep. I wouldn’t question it but she doesn’t have a sore throat at all. So I’m kind of concerned about the cough.
Coincidence? Two illnesses at once? Aee false positives a thing with strep? Should we just ride it out and give cough meds? I feel bad because she’s struggling to sleep because of it.

I have to travel for work in a couple of days across the country, but my son got sick and passed that onto me and now I have bad chest pressure, stuffed nose, headaches, ear congestion and symptoms are not getting better. The tickets were purchased but they are fully refundable. How do I talk to my supervisor and let them know that I might not be able to make it without making them mad?

Today, I lost our Alfie after 11 years with us.
Alfie was a rescue that we met 11 years ago, to this day. A small, chihuahua mix – he was often timid with others and people, but for some reason, grew very interested in us at the dog park day. We were there to actually review adopting another dog, but that dog took no interest. Instead, Alfie (then named Rugger) followed us around the dog park as my partner (now husband) and I walked around the dog park. We would look back, and there he was – checking us out and shyly walking the other direction each time we caught him. Our heart became set on him, and as he sat in the back while other more aggressive dogs with their love came forward, we were set on him and pushed our way through the crowd to get back to him.
Right away, we could tell that he was possibly abused as a stray from San Bernardino. He was cautious and hated us picking him up – his body would fall flat to the floor. Regardless, he still worked through his timidness and crawled into bed and went under the sheets on our first night and slept with this. He always felt shy and timid with strangers, never scared just not too sure, but he blossomed and showcased his love, fun and energy with us. We always got to see him for all he is and could be. I could tell that he trusted us – and I know that sounds cliché since I’m sure every pet parent feels this way, but it seems like he knew we would always have his back. He never left our side and would come with us to family gatherings just as if a child would. He was our baby and he knew it.
Last year, kidney disease popped up on our radar at stage 2 – it was a shock, but after 10 years and an unknown true age (rescue estimated 3, vet estimated 4-5), we knew that we were getting into this old age problems. Suddenly, his teeth got bad – and we were hesitant to do anesthesia. But they got worse and worse as in the case of most Chihuahua’s, and we did some blood work to see if he was stable before scheduling an appointment. Then we were told it was stage 3.
He was so uncomfortable with his mouth, we knew we had to do something – but then we started considering his medications, his back injections, his anemia, his lethargy, his qualify of life… We made a decision, then it was back and forth on some good days, til it wasn’t. We made the decision to put him down yesterday, and this AM the vet came over and put him down in the living room with him in my arms.
I am absolutely heartbroken and I cannot stop crying. I’m physically feeling pain in all parts of my body. My head hurts, my nose hurts, my eyes hurt, my throat hurts, my chest hurts… everything is just hurting from nonstop convulsing crying. The vet said he was passing already from the sounds of it and her visual examination, and not even a half dose of his sedative caused him to start going and an irregular heart beat (he pulled away yelping from the injection). But I can’t shake that I chose this and chose his death. I can’t get rid of this guilt and this horrible feeling. And then I remember everything, then I focus on missing him, then its guilt, and now its me being pissed that I didn’t get more time with him and that this feels so unfair and how dare God take him from me with conditions that led us to this point.
I don’t know what to do. I am just repeating everything in my head nonstop. I keep expecting him laying right next to me and to feel his warmth, or him asking for help onto the bed or couch. I can’t stand to look at all the things that gave him joy (being a Chihuahua from CA in Washington State, mostly blankets and space heaters). Everything is causing me grief and pain. I feel like this is excessive but I cannot stop – it’s been 7 hours but I don’t know. This feels like too much and I don’t know if I’m strong enough.
I don’t even know what I’m looking for, it just seemed like someone could take this mess and tell me something. Anything. I just miss my boy and the only thing that would make me feel better is having him back. This is just too hard. I know he may have been up to 16 years old, but this still just kills me.

hello! i think i may be allergic to alcohol but i never met anyone else who experiences what i do when i drink so i guess I'm just looking for some insight.
some backstory, i was a huge binge drinker from 14-19 like im talking i would puke then just wash my mouth out with more liquor. (not) surprisingly i developed a piss poor relationship with alcohol and struggled for a very long time with my relationship with it. eventually sometime when i was 19 (im 22 now) my body just completely stopped tolerating alcohol. i used to drink like a fish then it was like 1 drink or 5 i would get VIOLENTLY ill. i assumed this was because i was just drinking to often so eventually i just stopped drinking for my mental/physical health. fast forward to now, i RARELY if ever drink but last night i went out with some friends and have 4 shots. that was it before this i hadn't drank in over 6 months. i took nothing else and they were twist off shooters. what im about to tell you is what happens everytime i drink alcohol now. i projectile threw up for over 5+ hours. i could not even hold down water for this time. my face got really flushed and i started shaking (very very visibly) along with profusely sweating. my stomach starts squeeze like it's life depends on it, i was literally throwing up nothing but pure bile in the last few hours. its so bad that my throat gets swollen and scratchy so it's hard to even talk/swallow. My nose also just starts running like crazy and i get incredibly dizzy. im also just completely weak and for lack of better word "sick" for the next 24hrs after this.
my partner called the 24/7 nurse line and they told me it didn't sound like i needed to go in because as long as i was starting to tolerate water (which i was) I would be okay. the nurse line also said it didn't sound like alcohol poisoning (which ive had a few times) but definitely encouraged me to not drink EVER again. which i absolutely agree with, i barely drink now anyways so it wasnt a huge loss tbh im more of a tree guy now anyway ;) ;)
anyways, even though i am 100% not drinking again i am curious if anyone else has had these symptoms with alcohol. it is so strange as i said this developed when i was older but i was drinking WAY too young so im not sure if that plays a factor. thank you all so much for any insights !

I have sleep paralysis somewhat regularly, it comes and goes. I have noticed I tend to get it more often when I don’t have a lot of sleep for a couple days. I have seen different sleep paralysis “demons” how ever the hat man experience I had was probably the worst sleep paralysis I have ever had. Here is the story
At the time I was living by myself in somewhat rural Alaska in a small duplex. My place was sorta small it was about 1000 sq ft with 2 bed 1 bath. When you open the front door the living room opens up to your right, the kitchen then bathroom are to your left and the 2 rooms are straight back with the doors being on the back side of the living room. Both rooms were pretty small, one I used for storage and the other my bedroom. Since the room was small my queen sized bed only fit comfortably in one orientation with the front door to the home being in direct line of sight from my bed and vice versa. Normally I sleep with my door closed but this particular night I slept with it open because I was so tired and accidentally fell asleep when I got home from a long day of work. I remember waking up to a noise and immediately noticed I couldn’t move. Since I get sleep paralysis often I have gotten better about not freaking out and normally if I close my eyes and focus on quickly rolling my body or moving my arm or leg I can move myself out of it. So almost routine at this point I quickly get myself out of it and sit up and look out into my living room to see what the noise was. Right next to my front door is a big window, I leave the blinds closed but light goes through them fairly easily. On this night the moon was probably full and the moonlight was coming through the window pretty bright and I could see my living room and kitchen fairly good. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary and I figured the sound came from sleep paralysis because not only do I sometimes see things but I also sometimes hear things. I went back to sleep. I again awoke in sleep paralysis but this time my chest was a bit heavier and my heart was pounding. The anxiety was a little more frightening and I didn’t immediately do my routine to get out of the sleep paralysis and mistakenly started looking around. That’s when I saw the hat man. My front door was wide open and white moon light shining in. At the door way the completely black figure with the distinct hat stood staring at me. I was in a state of panic and shock, I couldn’t tell if it was real or not because normally the environment doesn’t change and this time my front door was clearly open. I have a pistol I keep for self defense and it was on my nightstand. I did my routine, rolled my body and quickly grabbed my pistol. I sat up and pointed my pistol at my front door but it was closed and everything was normal. At this point my anxiety was high and I was nervous to fall back asleep because I haven’t had such bad sleep paralysis in a while but I laid back down, went on my phone for a bit and decided to go back to sleep. The way my duplex is set up my neighbor is on the bottom unit and I’m on the top so you have to go up some stairs to get to my front door. There is a small one car garage but it belongs to my downstairs neighbor and was used for storage so I parked my truck in front of it and the stairs to my front door was to the right of the garage and my truck. Now the dream is foggy but for some reason I dreamed that I woke up again, gotten scared and went outside to get in my truck and fell back asleep. I woke up again in sleep paralysis but this time I was in the passenger seat of my truck. Again I didn’t follow my routine, my head was foggy, confused, and nervous. I started looking around not being able to move and having my heart have this indescribable heavy pit of anxiety. I looked at my front door open with the hat man standing there looking inside my house. I was at this point, in such a state of panic I wanted to start crying, the type of crying when you make those disgusting audible sobs and gasp for air in between each sob, but because I couldn’t still being in sleep paralysis and not being able to move or make sound all I could do is watch this hat man in horror. It would get worse, while being a completely pitch black figure I could see the hat man move and turn his body around. He was now looking at me, my anxiety was at an all time high and at this point everything felt so real and looked so real that I believed it was real. I watched him slowly walk down the steps and make his way to my truck. He walked up to the window and I looked directly at his pitch black figure staring at me through the tinted window of my truck. And for the first time I saw a sleep paralysis “demon” with a color other than pitch black when the hat man grinned from ear to ear with pearly white teeth. His smile looked like Chester cat’s smile from Alice in Wonderland. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this level of fear at any other point in my life, panicked, I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to roll out of the sleep paralysis. I could vividly feel the cold leather of my car seat on my skin but when I finally rolled out of my sleep paralysis I was in my bed. Safe to say I didn’t go back to sleep. That was my worst and most frightening sleep paralysis experience and (knock on wood) I haven’t experienced anything nearly as scary since.
That was when I was about to turn 20, I’m now about to turn 23 and I have made significant improvements to my sleep which in turn has caused me to experience way less sleep paralysis. That time still haunts me. The worst part was how real it felt I legit thought I was in my car I couldn’t tell the difference between reality and dream, everything felt so real. Sleep paralysis is the worst and none of my friends and family experience it, so when I talk about it they don’t seem to grasp how scary it is for me. I have had demons squeeze my throat to where I couldn’t breathe while their pitch black face stares at me. I’ve had people stand in my room and all I could do is watch hoping they aren’t real feeling so vulnerable from not being able to move. I’ve tried screaming at my partner to help as I watched them sleep next to me not being able to get the scream out and feeling so trapped and anxious. It really does suck and I’m sorry for all the other folks who have to deal with it. Feel free to share your worst sleep paralysis stories I’m curious as to what other people have experienced.

Basically the title. He will have a cough for a week and then it will go away. Instead of a cough, he will have a TON of snot. Then the cough comes right back a couple days later. He's in daycare unfortunately, but I dont have any options to move him. His ped seems unconcerned since his chest always sounds good. But this kid has just been sick with some crud or another a good deal of his life.
Is this just the daycare sick tax? My first didn't have to do daycare until almost 3 and I don't remember him going through this. It just seems like a lot for a baby.
Also, any ideas welcome to help a tickly itchy throat cough in a 3 month old would be great!

Usually my seasonal allergies to pollen, ragweed, mold etc. manifest in the usual sneezy, runny nose, itchy throat and eyes, etc.
One day I woke up and felt like I couldn’t get a full breath in. I happened to check the pollen count and it was extremely elevated, and it’s been extremely elevated ever since that day. It’s been going on for a little over a week.
I’m not congested or sneezy in my nose whatsoever, my eyes aren’t itchy. I just feel like im not inhaling all the way. It’s been making me dizzy and lightheaded. I’m also experiencing extreme fatigue to the point it interferes with my daily functioning, and headaches almost every single day. The headaches border on migraines, and it’s a full head headache if that makes sense. It hurts my entire head, it’s not concentrated to just one part of my head. I’m also experiencing almost daily nausea. I’ve been taking Zofran and Ibuprofen daily.
Could this be allergies? Or should I get this checked out?

Hello All!
I am new here, and would like some insight from people, who deal with achalasia already, and could give some guidence.
I am 35 years old female, non drinking, non smoking. For about a year I am dealing with seems like some mistery illness, and I cannot figure out the cause. I thought I have asthma, sinusitis, allergies, LPR and you name it.
My most deliberating symptoms are: -mucus in throat shortly after eating, some days more, some days less, it cause coughing and throat clearing -fullness in my chest after meals, feeling like I can't take deep breaths in, chest feels tight in sternum area and feels like lungs have no space to expand, it passes maybe about half an hour after eating, warm tea helps and rest helps to calm it down -with excessive throat clearing and cough, comes feeling like I always have upper respiratory infection, lots of rawness in throat, sensitivity to smells, and strong tastes. Feeling asthmatic. Many times I will keep coughing, feeling like something is there, but it is not providing any relief -difficulty swallowing, sometimes feeling like somethings tickles my throat or food is stuck -regurgitation of foods, many times undigested, feeling of food sitting in my chest -thick mucus in my throat, food getting stuck sometimes as I swallow, and I cannot tolerate any sticky, slimy foods, like yogurts, peanut butter, breads, chocolate etc -tounge feels swollen, raw, coated and I do have sour taste in mouth
I had done so far: -lung function test, and chest xray that was normal, waiting for chest ct -ent scope, saw lots of mucus and dr thought it's mix reflux and allergies, waiting for sinus ct scan -autoimmune panel, came back slightly positive and waiting for reumatologist
Waiting for GI visit in October this year and PH probe November this year. I am currently on Acid Watcher diet and not taking anything for reflux, trying to deal with it with dietary and lifestyle adjustment. I am really hoping to get barium swallow soon, and gastroscopy done in the future.
Could my symptoms be related to achalasia?
Thanks for any tips!

Age 34, female
Last months I feel sometimes like my heart is beating stronger than usual. Not very fast, but hard. I can feel each heartbeat, feel my chest tremble, and feel my heart reverberate into my throat. It is very uncomfortable. I did many medical tests, doctors told me everything is ok, only slight tachycardia sometimes. Once, I was walking down the street, and my heart started pounding so hard that I had to call an ambulance. I was lying in bed, but the beating wouldn't calm down. My body was trembling, and it felt like I was electro shocked. Some heartbeats were so strong that my breath would catch, and it felt like my heart was jumping. The doctor did an ECG, and nothing serious. I took beta-blocker and it helped me. What might be the reason? I have anxiety disorder so my first thought that it could be panic attack. But Xanax doesn’t help me with this.

so i just beat scratchy throat belome and got the sage stick
but it's not in my inventory and i can not equip it on mallow
does anyone know how i can fix this issue?

I remember when I was a little girl I would look in the mirror and just be so disappointed, in my mind, I was ugly, stupid, and poor, and it broke me completely. I would get bullied heavily in elementary school not only because I was poor but because I was chubby, while I ate lunch kids would stand by my desk and make pig sounds at me, oinking and calling me butterball. They told me I had meth head teeth. The only thing I liked about myself was my freckles but that brief feeling of liking myself soon disappeared when one boy told me it looked like I had shit splattered on my face.
I was eleven when I began to diet, whiten my teeth, and wear makeup. My teeth naturally straightened out on their own and I shed the weight with the help of heavy restriction, not without developing an obsession over how I looked. When I was twelve, boys began to notice me, I broke my nose and in doing so had to get it straightened out so I could breathe properly, no longer did I have my father's Roman nose which I so despised. I wanted desperately to be like the girls who ignored me and to be liked by the boys who bullied me for a little baby fat.
Because of this obsession, I didn't believe people when they told me I was pretty. Compliments always felt ingenuine and I naturally assumed boys were asking me out as a joke so I turned every single one down out of fear of humiliation. Deep inside me something seethed, I wasn't satisfied with the weight I had lost and begged and cried until my mom shared her Ozempic with me. I was thirteen.
Still, I could describe in detail the way I picked apart every flaw, the way I had autopsies on past conversations, searching for a new insecurity. One day I went into my dad's toolbox and stole his roll of duck tape and wrapped it around my waist. I was amazed by how beautiful I looked, my waist was the smallest of all the girls at my school and this felt like a victory. I tailored my favourite sundress on my mom's sewing machine to fit my brand-new waist and wore it to the first day back from summer break.
Everyone turned their heads to look at me, I thought that only happened in the movies until I strolled into English class with a waist the size of a tangerine. I shoved lies through my teeth about a gym and diet plan I had done over the summer to make myself look so small, my friends listened with eager ears and wide eyes trained on my midriff. The attention was more addictive than any substance I've put into my body. My friend had told me how the boys were talking about me and how they planned to ask me out, that's when I made up my mind.
It felt like a poison I happily drank, knowing all of the risks. Every Sunday after church I walked to the Dollar General by my house and bought five rolls of duct tape, two dollars each for one week of classes, ten dollars in total. The same woman was always there and she always smiled at me, asking what I did with all of the tape, my face would split into a sickly sweet smile as I told her a new falsehood every time.
My mother would comment on how she didn't want me to go anywhere by myself because I was too pretty to do so, this was like pouring gasoline onto my forest fire. In the morning when everyone was sleeping, I wrapped one roll of duct tape around my waist so no one could hear the sound; I took it off before my showers at night, water running as pain pushed tears from my eyes and bit the inside of my cheek until I could taste iron flood my gums. I was left with cuts and tears in my skin, flesh tender with torture, still, I mummified my body every morning with duct tape. Sometimes I would do my thighs if I wore leggings or skinny jeans so people would comment on my impressive thigh gap.
After a year of doing this, my midriff looked like a piece of raw steak beaten with a meat tenderizer until it was almost torn apart entirely. I wouldn't even let people touch me in fear that they could feel through my attempt at perfection. I started skipping church. Every weekend I shut myself inside so I could breathe at full capacity while I shut my blinds and stared at my ceiling, my mind went numb with the impending doom that I would suffocate myself with that dreadful silver tape when the bell rang. My whole life I had heard that beauty is pain and that's all I thought this was, I thought that models did similar things and it was just something I had to accept to be beautiful.
Essentially, I had turned into a zombie; my breathing was shallow, and I became pale, clammy, shaking, and nauseous. I couldn't stomach meals. Every night I would wake up around midnight and cough up my guts but I hadn't eaten any food so there was nothing left in me to vomit but bile and eventually blood. I stopped talking to people, I thought it better for them just to look at my pretty long lashes and my tiny little waist than to listen to me tell them I was fine through shaky breaths. My dad was so scared for me, he kept bringing food into my bedroom and would come to collect the uneaten dish when he dropped off the next. He couldn't look at me without crying. It was just his drowsy gaze piercing into my vacant skull while we both swallowed back what we wanted to say, the words dying in our throats, never to be heard.
Everything hurt all of the time, it didn't matter anymore whether I had the duct tape on or not. I almost preferred the feeling of it on so the stinging of the cuts and the soreness of my ribs was shielded by something. One day in PE the teacher asked me to sit out so I did. I tried my best to keep my vision straight and my head up while I watched the other kids play California kickball. It was okay until there was a suffocating feeling, like something was consuming everything in my body like tiny creatures with razor-sharp teeth were cutting their way up my organs. My body began to convulse as I coughed until I fell to my hands and knees, coughing up this invisible force in my throat. The game stopped abruptly and every pair of beady eyes turned to watch me writhe in pain on the dusty gym floor while I clawed at my chest and throat, eager to tear the skin off completely.
Mr. Duke jogged over to me, crouching down to my level and putting a hand on my back. With furrowed eyebrows, he asked what was happening and with nothing more than Ozempic running through my system, I screamed at him to get away from me. That final wave came like a million little hands of wind pushing at the back of my throat until I heaved up the very last of what was left in me. Hands flew over mouths while some gagged at the sickness once inside of me. On that floor was a pile of what looked to be red coffee grounds in a little puddle of cherry wine. I was as terrified as anyone else in the gym, I screamed between heavy sobs while scuttling away from the mess I had made.
I knew that this was the end of me, that I would be taken to a hospital and everyone would know what I had done. I didn't even need to go to the hospital for everyone to know what I had done. Once I had collected myself and began talking frantically in a hushed circle of my friends while we waited for the ambulance, one boy on the hockey team caught a glimpse of shimmering silver beneath my gym strip and snuck up behind me, pulling my shirt up and revealing the secret I carried like a cross I had to bear.
My back laden with strips of duct tape like it was armour was on display to my entire class, my shame shown to what I had perceived to be the entire world. The girls didn't find this so funny but the boys came up with the name of Tape-Face. I remember rushing to the locker room with my friends following close behind, I grabbed scissors from my pencil case and began to cut it off myself, ripping it away madly along with little segments of flesh. My friends watched in horror, they just stood like it was a game of wax museum and I was the security guard there to punish whichever moved first.
In the hospital, I couldn't face my parents, not even the doctor, I kept my eyes locked on my lap. I couldn't see their stares but I could certainly feel them digging into me like a frog on a dissection table. My mom was utterly speechless and my dad spoke only through voice cracks and subtle sobs while he brought me soggy sandwiches from the cafe on the first floor.
I took another week off school because I could predict the painfully true rumours and when I finally set foot back into the school, it was worse than I anticipated. I felt hideous, like a pig that had been chugging back lard in my t-shirt, sweatpants, and perfectly average body. My friends were hesitant to eat around me and tiptoed around the incident like it had never happened which almost felt worse than bringing it up. Others were not so kind. A group of kids, guys and girls all mixed together, the kind that stole cigarettes from their parents had waited until I came back to sneak away from class and cover my locker in duct tape. Over top of the tape they scribbled on a dictionary of names they would call me in the hallway "Tape-Face" "Fraud" "Botched" "Duct tape Barbie". One of the girls sat behind me in math and had cut little squares of duct tape to stick them into my hair, I called my mom in the principal's office and cried while the secretary had to cut it out of my hair.
My dad made the decision to pull me out of school, so I started homeschooling but that didn't stop the harassment. We lived close to the school and during lunch and after school kids would throw duct tape wallets and wads of tape onto the porch. My dad's final straw was when someone dropped off a Barbie whose waist and thighs had been wrapped in duct tape in our mailbox. He had contacted not only the school but the parents of the kids several times with no avail to the torment ending anytime soon. He moved us to a new town where I could go to class without anyone knowing the pain I subjected myself to for two years.
I'm in college now and I've never told anyone this. I've cut contact with everyone from that school. One of the bullies tried to reach out and apologize, blaming her behaviour on mental illness but that felt like she had shattered a plate and said sorry, thinking that it would put the plate back together. I told her I didn't forgive her and blocked her. A boy from the hockey team also messaged me, the one who flipped my shirt up. He said he just had a daughter he couldn't imagine her going through what I went through and that he's sorry for what he did. All I had to say was that I hope she doesn't have to go through what he put me through either.
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Had a transoral TT on 5/6, so almost 2 weeks ago. Around 4 days later starting having what I would call shortness of breath on and off and has gotten progressively worse. My surgeon said it is most likely due to scar tissue forming and to keep doing neck exercises but I’m not so sure, as the shortness of breath feels more in my chest than throat but it’s hard to tell.
Has anyone experienced shortness of breath and/or throat tightness after TT?

I posted something similar to this a while back and I saw some people who maybe experienced the same thing as me but I am still skeptical of this being a problem with my gallbladdar. Weird situation, I have had chest pain almost like a really intense burning or cramping feeling basically right where my heart is for about a year now. I also get shortness of breath periodically that feels like tightness in my throat. Did every test imaginable, my heart is fine, got a clear ultrasound but when I got my HIDA scan it came back as 13%. Doctor recommended surgery so I am waiting on that but he did not specify the diagnosis. Possibly chronic inflammation but again I have not seen anything online that suggests it can cause symptoms in the left chest area. I have a feeling that it might not fix anything and I will go through the process of surgery for nothing. I am high anxiety and really want to be sure before I commit to it. Only thing is when I look up galbladdar symptoms and stuff I literally cannot find a single piece of information that LEFT chest pain or heart attack feelings can be from gallbladdar, everything says it’s on the right side. Sorry I know that’s a lot of yapping but basically just wondering if anyone out there has experienced symptoms like this or if I am going down the complete wrong path in trying to fix this. If anyone has experienced something similar let me know I guess. Thanks