I (20F) ran away from my parents place when I was 18. My mother and father were very neglectful towards my mental and physical health and my father was physically abusive. I have a sister (13F) and she, for the longest time and now, is the light in the very dark tunnel that is/was my home life, I love her so much and leaving her was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. She was the first person I told and made sure to keep her in the loop (I didn't want to just vanish from her life, although I kept my plans to leave secret from my parents).
It's been two years since I left. I moved to another state, I have my own place and a nice job that keeps me financially sane. Learning how to adult on my own has been challenging but also very fun and I fear losing that independence in any way, especially at the hands of my family.
Up until a few months ago, my parents had no clue where I was as I was afraid they'd do something, but it's been two years and I've been really wanting to see my sister. With her finishing up middle school and being on break, it's the perfect time to do so, so my mother and I got in touch and she planned a trip to come to where I am so I can see my sister. After weeks of planning, the day finally arrived for them to make the trip and here they are! I will be seeing them in a couple days. I'm nervous. My mother seems to forget that our relationship is strained (because she can't remember the events that took place to make it so, how convenient), and she has never taken accountability.
I'm trying to make this trip about seeing my sister as much as possible since she is who I really want to see, but the part of my mom being there and me having to see her after so long, especially the way I left, makes my stomach churn. I don't want to revive any of the shit that took place back home between me and my mom and I truly don't want to get into a fight with her. I haven't had fights like that in a looong time and dredging up those old feelings scares me. I want the time I spend with my sister to be nice and fun and i want to show her around the town, there's a lot here that she'll be seeing for the first time and I'm grateful she's getting that experience.
I guess I'd just like some advice about how to mentally walk into this upcoming visit. I have many conflicting feelings about it, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm so grateful that I get to see my sister after so long, we were inseparable before I left and it hurt leaving her behind. So many emotions, so many feelings, and I'd like some advice from anyone who's gone through something similar.

This might not be a big issue, but I really needed to get this off my chest. I have a good life, I really do. I could be homeless, starving, or living in a country where you would probably die by the age of 3. But why is it that I have one of if not the most potential(math-wise) in my school, yet other people get to have special programs that they can go to that they don't even care about? My family can't afford that because it's a thousand dollars for one class! Yet they act like it's no big deal, that it's nothing to care about. I would love to go to that program, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. But they don't even care about it! It's like they never have to go through any hardships, and when I started asking them about their life, it turns out they don't! Their parents aren't divorced, they have a stable income, nobody in their family has any medical complications, and from what I can tell, they never have had a family member die! But can you guess what happens in MY life? In 2023, my family almost ALWAYS had an argument that resulted in shouting every, SINGLE, DAY! My parents are divorced, my grandfather died, my dog who had been there my whole life passed away, my cat who isn't even that old is having life-threatening seizures which my family can't pay for because it's $3,000.00 for a scan to see what's the issue, NOT INCLUDING THE MEDICINE! My parents are divorced, my oldest brother went to Texas in 2020-2021, and my dad is having to do rehab and my mom is always talking shit about him behind our backs! In 2023, she didn't even talk shit about him behind our backs, SHE DID IT RIGHT INFRONT OF US! WITH NO REGRET! The kids that get that wealthy lifestyle don't care about anything. They're often times disrespectful, don't participate in class, and really just don't have any actual effort to do things. Meanwhile me, I constantly think about my family's financial situation. I always try to be nice to the people that deserve it. The last half of the time I got to do a project on, I gave up ALL of my school free-time to go and do that! And you wanna know what my team members did on the FINAL DAY, when we could still improve our grade? Two of them who said they'd show up didn't, one of them went in but didn't do SHIT, and the ONLY ONE who actually helped started helping when there was 8 minutes left. I know that life isn't fair, but I'm trying to find some reason that this is happening to me, BUT I CAN'T! I can't find a singular reason that any of this is happening to me! I'm academically gifted, I try and be respectful and kind to others, I work hard in school, yet all of this happens to me while everybody else that I know doesn't have any issues in their lives, but in my life, apparently I just deserve all of this that's happening to me.

Sorry for the long paragraph. I don't know which community is right. I am new here.
just to give you a bit of background, yes I changed it a little,
I would appreciate it if any of you take the time to read it. it took a lot to share my problems.
So, um when I was in class 8. We have a board exam that year. So I kinda started my year with a banger. I was studying more attentively. I was being more present in class. I was answering questions. I never answer unless the teacher picks me, which rarely happens. I am a good student. This makes me a bit arrogant, cuz if I got such decent results by not even properly studying, I don't need to stress. So yeah. My year was going super good. And boom covid fucking started. And even tho I was super studying. I am way too lazy too. Now that we were in lockdown. I completely abandoned my books. Forget studying. I was on my phone all day. Like actually all day. To give a bit more info. Class 8 has a board exam. Class 9,10 are studied with the same books, it's where we choose majors like science, commerce, and arts, I was a science student. 11,12 is college and we still have majors like science, commerce, and arts, still choose science. After that is uni. Class 8,9 went like this. Then in class 10. We finally went to school. Like I said classes 9, and 10 are the same book. Soo, I didn't touch my book for a year now I know nothing. That went like this. In the class sitting helpless cuz I know nothing. Then my sister told me about her tutor, so me and my friend went to him. He, we will call him C, introduced us to his friend, and we'll call him K who also became our tutor. Side note, I got comfortable with K, way more than C. K was kinda of my motivation, I wanted to make him proud, but I didn't, I failed. I haven't called him in a year. I am so sorry. I didn't want to disappoint you of all people. But I did.
I think since all I did during lockdown was be on my phone I am still kind of stuck at that age in some ways, mentally. I am almost 18. I was 13 when COVID started. Me and my mum were in some bad blood at that time, probably she asking me to study, but I not. Other than studying for my tutor's homework. I didn't touch my books enough. Suddenly it was exam time. It was a fucking board exam. It would decide my college. To be honest, even at that point I don't think I ever realized the importance, the gravity of the exam. I was prepared I'd say 60%. And yeah. when it was exam time, she became all affectionate. Bringing me milk, stay with me at night. You better believe I fucking hated that. I wanted to be alone. she didn't leave me alone. She was in my room. I hated her sooo much at that time. Just leave me alone na. So just to fucking spite her I didn't study until she was here. I would be on my phone and phone and she still wouldn't leave so I went to study at around 1 or 2 at night. In case you couldn't tell I was heavily dependent on my phone at that time just to well forget what's happening in my life. I kinda got addicted, maybe. So even if I was watching videos I was making plans about how I would study and all. In my head. I was preparing myself mentally. Guess who it took to crash all of this down. Yes, my one and only mum. While I was encouraging myself and all, my mum would come and be like you don't study, look at the maid's daughter doing much better than you ever will. My luck was this bad that I was your mum and all that shit. My maa always talks about how she didn't have to worry about me ever cuz I did everything myself. I don't understand what she thinks this will make me feel. Maybe I didn't want to do shit alone. Now that I truly want to be left alone, yall up my ass.
You think I will study now. Hell, nahh. So I didn't. Some day I went to my exam after barely reading the book at around 8. My exam starts at 10. Yeahhh. good times. It went like this all exam season. Of course, I didn't do well. I got a GPA of 4.52. Of course, I wasted all my free time for 6 months after the exam. I bed rotted the whole 6 months and more. I put on a lot of weight. Soo, I got very insecure. So when me and my friends went to the same tutor I also went there. But suddenly everything was new. I couldn't get past if I went like I was before. I went for a month maybe. I got behind them. I got so scared and insecure. All of them got into the government college there. Only I didn't. I got more insecure being there. I felt like I couldn't catch up even if I tried. So I did what I am best at. Run away. The college started with me bed rotting. I put on a lil more weight. I got even more insecure. It's been almost a year since then, I can count the times I went. Not more than a week. And the half-yearly exam, I failed it's my fault. I didn't study. Only time was passing by. I still am where I was a year ago. In my bed rotting. I haven't touched them, my textbooks, I mean it, they are still brand new. Now my final is in a month. I am still in my bed rotting. I just am soo insecure with my weight and study now. I can't bring myself to study. I feel like I already failed. More my mum started staying with me cuz it's hella hot. I felt like me studying would make her win. I would lose the battle I started. My brain is like unless someone tells me step-by-step detailed instructions on how to do life, I can't do shit. What do I do?? I am so lost mentally. I am just soo scared that I will be the one left behind. I mean I already am. My friends are not mine anymore. I am just one of many of theirs. I fear I would be left behind to rot. I know I am not some saint. I know what I am doing isn't what I of all people should be doing. But how do I win against my brain? It's like if I can't catch up with everyone in a day then it isn't worth trying. If I can't lose that weight, it isn't worth trying. What do I do?? I can't go to a gym. Can't jog or stuff. My mother becomes angsty if I starve. What do I do? Sometimes I just want to disappear for a while.
truth be told, I have no motivation. I don't have anyone, I am willing to work for, not even myself, parents, a better life, everything I dreamt of, future, nothing seems worthy. the only thing I can do is daydream. I understand I am not hardworking as much as I should be. I am quite privileged in life. but I don't know what to do. I am like a sponge, I am all my environment is. I don't want to do this anymore. I hate myself like this. I want to change. I like studying. I like knowing things. I just physically can't bring myself to do the necessary things. it feels like I already lost, I can never catch up. it's upon me to get into a good fucking university, even if I plan to go abroad for higher study.. see I have soo many dreams, yet I can't bring myself to work for them. it's like I am being physically stopped. I am just waiting for something to happen that will be the push I need, but I fear it will be too late then. it's my life I don't need a reason to change myself, especially when I know that this version is doing me more damage than good. I guess it seems from the fact that others know this version, and change is terrifying, especially when you are alone. I am always jealous of the people that have somebody to look up to. I have a lot to add. But I just need to do this it's been 2 days since I wrote it. Sorry if there are any typos. Thank you, if you took the time to read all that. -♡♡

I'm tired. It's so hard for me to find joy anymore. My schedule is just- Work a ten hour work shift, sleep all day, go back to work, sleep all day, go to school then immediately back to work, sleep the next day, go back to work, go back to sleep, go to school. Just that. Every week on repeat. I have no recreation time, No friends, because I don't want anyone to miss me if I do kill myself. I have my partner, but I feel more like a burden than anything, so I try not to talk a lot about my depression with him. And to top it off, I barely make enough to scrape by, even with the copious amounts of overtime, so I can't take days off to rest, because then I fall behind on bills.
It's exhausting, and it's just so hard to keep dragging myself through it. I want a break, but I don't want to go homeless. It just seems so much easier to run off and disappear, and just, let go.

I start Intergrad school first week of June and they have us in a hotel. Does anyone know what we will be doing on the day to day basis for that week?

So lets me take you to my school days, when she proposed me and at that time i was a kind of guy that was very much into studies, so i neither denied nor agreed, but my friends told her that i've accepted her proposal. Actually her mom was one of the faculties in school who taught me earlier, and i was very afraid that if she'll know, she',ll get disappointed. So things went for 2 years and after 10th i went to some other city for iit jee preparations. a year ago, instagram suggested me her account and i followed her and she also accepted and followed back in minute or two. we started chatting, calling, etc but after some time she opened to me and said that when i was busy in preparation of iit jee, she felt alone, and some guy proposed her, and she accepted and got fucked by him. she also said that enjoyed getting fucked. knowing this, i was lil bit shocked, but at the same time, i thought let it be, coz i just wanted a female friend not a life partner. and after some time, she knew his intentions, that he didn't lover her, rather he only wanted to fuck her day and night. then she fell again with a boy in some other city when she went to meet her nani and all, and that boy was lil messed up, coz he wanted her to shift from her place to his and live like a family. this girl fought with her family, obviously the family denied. in all these situations, i stood with her so that she don't gets broke, and always told her to prepare for some Govt exams, so that she'll be busy in something productive. few days ago, i was feeling low, coz i was unable to choose between two career options, so i texted her and she said " tum bhugto" and i said that i was their for you at your low, then she said " toh maine kha tha? bada ahsaan kiya aapne" Guys i feel very very bad.

I’ve been wearing pads all day every day. I absolutely cannot for the life of me do it otherwise. I wear boxers with a sock packer, and maybe female underwear to keep the pad better. My issue is two things: I am horrible with doing laundry due to motivation issues, neurodivergence, and currently school finals. And the second one being the discharge itself. It’s messy, it smells if it’s just in my underwear, it feels horrendous, gets me very dysphoric at times, and the sudden discharge from arousal.
I don’t think it’s healthy to be wearing pads so often but I have chronic cramps and I am not about to accidentally read or see something that gets me excessively wet and then deal with soaked underwear and warm down my thighs and have to deal with that the rest of the day, plus with the laundry issue I tend to wear pads to keep them clean and reduce how much laundry I do and another task that shouldn’t feel so daunting but it really really is and yes I know it’s really gross but I’m trying.
Advice would be appreciated 😓

So I was on a trip with school and I was forced to go into the town with a group of girls because "I can't go alone in an unfamiliar town." As if I haven't done it before... Anyway. Those bitches suddenly started talking about my insecurities and then asked me if I am insecure to which I replied yes. And they had the nerve to assume that my insecurity is my weight. They kept talking about me being insecure about my weight despite me saying that isn't my insecurity 5 times. Then when they were finally convinced I am not insecure about that, they kept saying how I would look and feel prettier if I lost weight and started comparing me to my older sister. I am slightly overweight and I was insecure about it to the point I didn't eat for 10 days once, but I am not anymore, so fuck off.

in january i (f18) got into a relationship with my now ex (m17) and the first month was really good untill we started having sex a week before valentines day and right after valentines day happened he just completely switched up also throughout our entire three month relationship id ask questions about him and his ex because they just broke up right before we started dating (i had just gotten out of a relationship as well) but he promised me he was over her because they were off and on all the time and he was tired of that and i believed him she also lived in a whole different state because he just moved here so i really trusted him and i would also ask questions about her because once literally displayed in his closet i noticed letters that his ex had given him and i found pictures of them that he hid poorly and id notice stuff of hers around his room like gifts and whatever every-time id ask about it he would get so mad and so defensive and be like “well you and your ex this and that” and then two months into the relationship he just out of the blue one day said “if i ever get in a bad place mentally ill need to take a break from the relationship” obviously i was confused so we bickered about it and i tried ignoring it but after valentines day and leading up to that conversation he had been acting different and it only got way worse almost exactly a month later a week after prom he texts me “im in a bad place mentally” and “sometimes i feel like im not ready for a relationship” and he refused to admit that was him breaking up with me so the next day i had to do it and say the words for him literally a few days later he starts following his ex on social media and she never followed him back so he stopped following her for a second but now its been a month since we’ve broken up and now they’re following each other on both of their little secret accounts and he blocked me on everything and i know i shouldn’t be paying attention but it’s difficult to not stalk because his ex lives in a different state so thats my only source which i know isnt really reliable but im just so hurt because he told me be was completely over his ex when we started dating and i really “loved” him (whatever love means for an 18 year old) i gave a lot of me to him he was my first real experience with stuff and he also told me i was the one to take his virginity (even though he had a whole box full of condoms prepared??? like on our third date he was like “i have condoms in my room” (i should have known)) but him and and his ex we’re together for like three years sooo and he also said so many other things that i know now were lies and now i just know i was the rebound untill either of them were available again and i just feel so used because after valentines day we were having sex at least once a day every single day and before we got intimate i told him i wanted to wait a little but he kept pressuring me so i finally gave in and i got really attached like i’ve never had a connection like that with someone else before he saw me when i was most vulnerable and now i just feel so used and dirty i should have known what his true intentions were especially because the second we started having sex he changed and our relationship just went to shit but it hurts even more because what we did meant a lot to me but i know it meant nothing to him especially since i don’t think i was his first time even though he was mine i just dont know what im supposed to do i know i have to move on and whatever i know ill meet more people and whatever and im so young and dumb and this is all a learning experience but im so hurt how do i live with this feeling for now it hurts so much i feel so used he meant so much to me and i was just a body until his ex came back to him.

I think my wife 38F always seems to prefer to have company rather than spend time with me 42M. We have been married for around 12 years but I have noticed that increasingly whenever we have time from our busy lives to do something together, she likes to have other people involved. I always tried to pass it off as her being a very sociable person but it kind of hit me hard earlier this year.
For Valentines, I bought her a present she had secretly wanted for a while and set up an elaborate treasure hunt for her to find it. She really enjoyed the treasure hunt and I was glad to make the woman I love happy. I had also booked a really nice restaurant (she loves Japanese food) for that evening. However one of her friends asked her about a double date and so she asked me to cancel my restaurant reservation and to go on the double date. I felt really offended that rather than spend Valentines dinner with me she preferred the double date. My wife really gets on with her friend and her friends husband and I always feel like a spare wheel during our get together because the three of them have a lot more in common and a lot more shared history. I was just disappointed that despite knowing this my wife still picked the double date.
This is just one example but similar things keep happening. Just last week (after a very hectic house move) we went for coffee and dessert to relax and on the way she started calling her friends to come join us. She thinks it’s absolutely normal but it feels a bit like rejection. What do you think? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill or should I accept that my wife doesn’t enjoy spending time with me and would rather be with her friends? Whenever I have mentioned it to her she says that she just invites others because the more the merrier; it’s not because she doesn’t want to spend time with me. I would buy that if it was 50:50 but this happens 80-90% of the time when we get time together. What would you suggest I do?
—- TL;DR;: wife always invites her friends when we have time alone, including Valentine’s Day. Is this normal or indicating she is not happy with the relationship?

I am 18 and a few months I did an ancestry DNA test to see if my dad was my father. It came back and he was 100% my father I was relieved and decided to play around in the app. When I found the family tree, I wasn't too interested my dad had done his a few years ago and got really into building his family tree so I thought I had heard all the shocking secrets and surprise family members. It took my dad a while to realize what I had done and when he did, we had a long talk about how he would have loved me no matter what it said, and I told him the same. a few days later he sat me down for a serious talk about my biological mother someone we hadn't spoken to or about in years. Thats when he told me my mother is legally my aunt my father's first cousin. he told me his aunt was not biologically related to my family she was illegally adopted as a baby. He also told me my biological mother wasn't even her kid her husband got a 15yo pregnant while in a war and she signed the birth certificate as the mom. So, on paper they are blood relatives. They grew up together and I don't know when they found out they weren't related by blood, but I do know they never planned to get married or have kids together my dad said that the only reason anything went anywhere is because they got drunk and made my brother. My dad decided to do what he thought he had to get married to a woman he had no romantic feelings for and have more kids. I don't know how to process this, and I don't know who to talk to about it. I have no clue who knows about this, and it doesn't make any sense for 18 years I thought that both sides of my family were horrible but it's all the same side. At least now I know why my dad always told us to just leave our biological mother off our family trees in elementary school.

I am self diagnosed-ish, trying to get a professional diagnosis. My PCP is all but certain I have ASD and she delivered me when I was born so she’s been my PCP for 22 years. She brought it up to my parents once when I was a kid but thanks to that great immigrant “no mental health issues” mentality they have, it was ignored and never brought up again.
Then I was excelling in school. In 8th grade I had these tics one day, my friend had just passed and I was still trucking on. I flung a pencil during one of them and hurt someone else. The school made my dad take me to the ER, he was told stress, anxiety and see someone about it. But nothing. Then I was excelling in my first full time job as a parapro for a STAR classroom. As a kid I volunteered in these classes a lot, my mom even taught one. Yeah, taught one. The adults were awful, but I was used to that. I started having meltdowns from overstimulation. At this point, I’d moved out and was living with my now husband, I was in a safe place for the first time in my life. I didn’t understand what my body was doing and why my brain was doing what it did. And then I was regressing. A lot and quickly. And now I’m realizing my entire life has been this huge lie. I come from a traumatic household, but have always been highly aware of it and have managed to process it myself. A year of talk therapy got me told “talk therapy doesn’t work for you, you have it all figured out.”
And I started a relationship pre-regression. I made friends pre-regression. Now I feel alone. My husband doesn’t understand really, he tries and all the time we’re growing together and he’s learning more and more about me and how to help me. But I have a lot of needs and I know I take up a lot of space in our lives because of it and so it feels like when I’m pushing through, knowing it’ll end in a complete meltdown, people are attentive, him included because I’m being helpful. But then I really need help, because I’ve been so focused on everyone else I need someone to focus on me. But there isn’t anyone to be attentive toward me. I feel like I’m treated like a burden when I really need the assistance.
I know I need to be the one to focus on me, but how do I do that? When people have surgeries and shitty husbands and need care, people have problems and ask for my help and I can help them. My brother is having a hard time at school. My husband works to support us because I can barely handle 14 hours a week. He met me when I worked three jobs, when I was surviving my childhood household. He fell in love with me because of my ambition and now I’m a dependent.
I’ve been battling myself to accept that I’m disabled. That before, that wasn’t me. That was a shell. I was a body. But now I have no clue who I am and it’s becoming terrifying. I feel like if I can’t just bounce back soon I’ll lose everything. Or someday I’ll become too much and just get abandoned.
I feel like my body and my brain are disconnected, I feel like I’ve got no hope. Like a diagnosis will never come, help will never be found. I just needed to speak at a community I knew would understand.
Thanks.

[WTS]Treasure Cache I & II 2019

 

- Huge Discount for bulk orders (>100$)

- Massive Discount for FULL set buyer (normal till very rare)

• Cache Seller since 2017 , steam level 200+ , my steamrep
• Have about 600+ Cache Sets available
• Accepting USDT/USDC/SOL/BNB/BTC/ETH/LTC or any famous crypto
• Accepting dota2/csgo skins or tf2 keys
• Open to offers / Price is Negotiable
• Buyers goes first
• No Joybidder / Backout buyer please
• All Cache Sets are giftable 30 days after add friend
• Unfortunately, certain low volume cache set are only available via full cache purchase.(all hero sets in the treasure till rare/very rare with great discount ofc)

 

3 simple steps to deal

1. Please add BOTH my main account , 2nd acc with more ES/gothic whispecincer sensei
   

   WARNING### KINDLY TAKE NOTE TO ONLY ADD THIS 2 ACCOUNT (There are active scammeimpersonator trying to scam you via fake account)

2. Comment on my profile (eg: Added for Cache Set 2019 - Cinder Sensei)
   
3. Wait for 30 days to complete the deal (I may or may not require deposits depending on scale of purchase)
   

 

----------Treasure Cache I 2019----------	--------Hero--------	Quantity	Price(USD)
Echoes of the Everblack	Abaddon	4	$14
Allure of the Faeshade Flower	Dark Willow	8	$10
Paean of the Ink Dragon	Grimstroke	13	$7
Scorched Amber	Dragon Knight	10	$15
Priest of the Proudsilver Clan	Chen	9	$5
The Arts of Mortal Deception	Enigma	17	$10
Poacher's Bane	Tidehunter	12	$7
Soul of the Brightshroud	Death Prophet	11	$7
Curse of the Creeping Vine*only via full cache I purchase	Undying	4	$24
Pursuit of the Ember Demons	Huskar	13	$15
Appetites of the Lizard King	Slark	7	$18
Forbidden Medicine	Dazzle	12	$15
Riddle of the Hierophant	Oracle	12	$5
Glimmer of the Sacred Hunt	Drow Ranger	7	$29
Adornments of the Jade Emissary*only via full cache I purchase	Earth Spirit	3	$29
Defender of Ruin (Rare)	Disruptor	15	$19

 

----------Treasure Cache II 2019----------	--------Hero--------	Quantity	Price(USD)
Sight of the Kha-Ren Faithful	Drow Ranger	17	$15
Tribal Pathways	Warlock	18	$7
Directive of the Sunbound	Clockwerk	12	$7
Souls Tyrant	Shadow Fiend	10	$19
Endless Night	Abaddon	4	$9
Dapper Disguise	Pudge	12	$14
Fury of the Bloodforge	Bloodseeker	14	$9
Automaton Antiquity	Broodmother	13	$5
Tales of the Windward Rogue	Pangolier	5	$29
Grim Destiny	Wraith King	14	$9
Distinguished Expeditionary	Tusk	15	$10
Verdant Predator	Venomancer	14	$7
Prized Acquisitions	Batrider	19	$5
Fowl Omen (Rare)	Necrophos	15	$19
Cinder Sensei (Very Rare)	Ember Spirit	2	$99

 

----------Treasure Cache I 2020----------	--------Hero--------	Quantity	Price(USD)
Origin of the Dark Oath*only above 100$ combined purchase	Night Stalker	3	$24
Ravenous Abyss*only above 100$ combined purchase	Underlord	2	$12
Apocalypse Unbound	Ancient Apparition	9	$9
Beholden of the Banished Ones *only above 100$ combined purchase	Warlock	1	$19
Fury of the Righteous Storm	Disruptor	8	$7
Lineage of the Stormlords	Juggernaut	4	$29
Silent Slayer*only via full cache I purchase	Silencer	2	$14
Mindless Slaughter	Pudge	7	$14
Heartless Hunt	Bounty Hunter	5	$14
Herald of the Ember Eye	Grimstroke	5	$7
Fissured Flight	Jakiro	5	$7
Flashpoint Proselyte	Huskar	9	$13
Signs of the Allfather*only above 100$ combined purchase	Nature's Prophet	2	$15
Glory of the Elderflame	Lina	X	$29
Songs of Starfall Glen*only above 100$ combined purchase	Enchantress	2	$9
Ancient Inheritance (Rare)	Tiny	10	$19
Forsworn Legacy (Very Rare)	Mars	5	$59

 

----------Treasure Cache II 2020----------	--------Hero--------	Quantity	Price(USD)
Evolution of the Infinite	Enigma	5	$9
Beast of the Crimson Ring	Bristleback	4	$11
Clearcut Cavalier	Timbersaw	3	$14
The King Of Thieves	Keeper of the Light	5	$9
Horror from the Deep	Tidehunter	3	$19
Ire of the Ancient Gaoler	Arc Warden	X	$29
Talons of the Endless Storm	Chaos Knight	9	$11
Carousal of the Mystic Masquerade	Rubick	8	$9
Crown of Calaphas*only above 100$ combined purchase	Shadow Demon	1	$9
Wrath of the Fallen	Doom	9	$14
Blacksail Cannoneer	Sniper	7	$14
Secrets of the Celestial	Skywrath Mage	7	$9
Blaze of Oblivion	Phoenix	8	$9
Master of the Searing Path	Ember Spirit	X	$29
Steward of the Forbidden Chamber (Rare)	Templar Assasin	8	$19
Claszureme Incursion (Very Rare)	Faceless Void	3	$69

I have my fair share of problems and insecurities that i deal with everyday like everyone else but everytime i try to talk about them i always feel like what im saying is stupid invalid and i always feel unfulfilled after i poorly convey what im feeling. I dont know how to cope with these problems. 1. My loneliness My loneliness has always been a problem. Its made me depressed anxious desperate and its made me an attention seeker. In any social situation im always trying to get all the attention on me by making jokes or saying the most outrageous lies so people will see me and when they dont i feel bad. My friends always call me out on my attention seeking and i never let them know it bothers me but it does. I feel small and i want to be noticed and wanted and desired but nobody feels that for me. I always go out of my way to talk and call people but its hardly ever reciprocated and that makes me feel even worse. It also doesnt help that i have trouble with women. I crave intimacy with women who i have romantic interest in platonic interest in and even no interest in and its lead me to get with some questionable women just because im so desperate, i dont even care half the time. And when i do luck out and have a relationship with a girl its always short toxic or unfulfilling. Majority of the time its my fault for that because when i do land a good thing with a girl i treat them horribly like i dont care if they leave me or not but i always regret it because when theyre gone i feel even more alone but i often ignore the fact that it ended because of me which leads me to my narcissist tendencies 2. My narcissism Every relationship I’ve ever been in has ended because I treat them horribly and I see no problem with it. I always believe that there’s nothing wrong with the way that I treat these women and it often falls on my friends to help me realize what I’ve done wrong, because I often feel like I have done no wrong to them and it confuses me when they leave me. Ive said some horrible things, and done horrible things to alot of sweet girls all because of my nonchalant i dont care attitude and it always back fires on me in the end because i always feel alone and desperate after the fact. Im my own worst enemy it’s not even with women it’s with my friends to. I say horrible things just for the sake of being horrible and when they get upset at me, it’s almost like an instinct for me to believe that they’re being sensitive and I’m not wrong for what I did or said, what is wrong with me I’ve learned a little bit, but the narcissism is still there 3. My empathy or lack there of I’ve heard that narcissists have lots of problems with empathy, and I most definitely have a lack of empathy for others around me. I’ve always had trouble feeling for other people and understanding how my actions affect others and it’s ruined a lot of relationships that I’ve had with people and women. just the other day my friends were talking to me about how I don’t ever think about how what I do affects others around me and I’m not sure if it’s because I just don’t care or if it’s like an inability to and it’s also confuses me. I try sometimes to feel for other people, but I often feel like it’s superficial like I don’t understand why they’re mad but I see why they’re mad so it makes me feel bad and if i care enough ill apologize. Growing up affection and emotions were never some things that were important and I’d say 90% of my childhood. None of that was ever expressed. I’m not sure if that’s a factor of why I have problems empathizing with people but I’m sure it’s a reason one of them at least. I have ADHD, and I’ve often thought that I am on the spectrum because emotional intelligence has never been my strong suit. It used to be even worse years ago, but I’ve had a lot of bad experiences that have allowed me to learn, but it’s still not enough. And it makes me sad because I do care for the people around me and how they view me but When I feel like I’ve been called out, I get defensive and I get mean and I say things that I shouldn’t have but I’m so caught up in my own emotions that I see no wrong with what I’ve done because I’m trying to make them feel worse than how I do 4. My insecurity with my height I am extremely insecure with my height. All my friends are tall and I am so jealous of them. It makes me honestly kind of resent them and when they tell me their problems, I often think how could you feel this bad when you’ve been gifted with height? I try not to think about it, but I think about it all the time when I go out when I hang out with my friends before I go to bed when I wake up when I go to work when I go to school when I look at my parents when I look at my siblings. It follows me everywhere. I feel small like I don’t matter because I am small and I don’t know how to cope with that because I can’t change it. I’m sure that it’s a big factor for my attention, seeking because. when I’m with my friends that are tall there and noticed, and they do it effortlessly, but for me, I feel like I have to try to be noticed by being a fool I’m self-destructive, because I am insecure when people call me out on my bullshit a double down and I try to find anything that I could use to hurt them. It doesn’t matter if they trusted me with the information and when they are hurt because of me, I don’t care because they make me feel insecure and I try not to let them know that Which makes me look like an even bigger piece of shit because that’s how a lot of people know Me. People either think of me as autistic,a fool, A liar, a narcissist, a piece of shit and attention seeking a little kid or whatever else I don’t know. what do I do 5. What do i do How do I talk with this the loneliness the desperation, the narcissism the empathy, the insecurity how am I supposed to fight that I’ve done a lot of things I’ve isolated myself I’ve tried not to think about it. I’ve poured myself in the weed. I’ve talked about it I’ve cried about it. I’ve written about it, but nothing ever helps in at the end of the day I’m still the same. I don’t want to feel like this anymore I don’t wanna feel hopeless and like I hate myself I don’t wanna feel alone anymore. I don’t know what else to do these last couple of years. I’ve just been ignoring it because I’ve been surrounded by friends but now it’s just me and I can’t help to think about how lonely I am, and how desperate I am for any kind of intimacy I don’t want to get bad like I used to be but I’m kinda afraid that I will because sooner or later If I keep feeling like I am hopelessly alone, I’m gonna start acting reckless like I used to getting depressed but what are you guys think? Any advice or help? I just don’t know where else to turn. Thanks. This is a lot I’m sorry.

I feel like a terrible person for this. My (20f) sister (18f) has recently gained a lot of weight. I'm not home often because I live a few hours away from my parents, but when I visited last month and saw her I almost started hysterically laughing. The thing is throughout our childhood, she was always the naturally small and thin one. She could eat whatever she wanted and wouldn't gain weight. I wasn't. As soon as I hit puberty, I gained a lot of weight and was relentlessly bullied for it in school and at home. (I was never morbidly obese, but always on the larger side) I developed a binge eating disorder from this, which made it even worse. My sister was the worst at that time. She posted pictures of me on her social media and always said how ugly I looked in certain clothes. A bit over a year ago, I moved out from home and started making changes to my lifestyle and focus on recovering. I have since lost around 60 pounds and am now at a healthy weight and haven't binged in over 10 months. I have gotten a lot of positive feedback on it from friends and family. Except for my sister. She is now heavier than I was at my worst. I can't even express how I feel about it. I want to get back to her, treat her as horribly as she did with me but I won't. I don't want to be as horrible a person as she was back then. I just stayed quiet while I was home, didn't mention her weight even once. But silently I felt so fucking happy about it, because she kept complaining that her clothes don't fit her anymore or that my mom (who always speaks her opinion, no matter how offensive it might be) keeps commenting on how she should eat healthier and exercise. I can't tell this to anyone in real life because I'm scared of the reactions, but I had to get it off my chest. And anyone who read all of this, have a nice day!

I Accepted a Job to Film on the Dark Web
Man, I am pumped to tell you chronically online content addicts my story. Wait is that too mean of an intro? Will this get taken down for harassment since I painted too accurate a picture of the people on this site? Sorry, everyone, I’m sure you all smell like an expensive bakery and have touched grass this morning. Anyway, I promise I have something interesting. It even involves the dark web you uncreative writers cream yourselves over! I mean, totally real people speaking about their strangely similar experiences. Okay, fine I’ll stop bullying you through the screen before you click off.
This all started when I was seven years old and my parents were killed in front of me in an anti-indigenous hate crime, but let's be real you don’t care. I’m just some annoying Cherokee kid with dead parents so I’ll skip to the good parts. I spent years in an orphanage, gradually becoming more interested in death and violence. As bad as it is, I went out of my way to expose myself to that content in the hopes of desensitizing myself. Which ended up working too well, since now I’m obsessed with causing and viewing pain, though I don’t find any joy in hurting myself.
I got adopted at twelve and after a few months of staying at my new family’s home on the reservation, I went with them to a state sweatier than the average Reddit user, California. Long story short, both of my caretakers, whom I referred to as Uncle and Auntie because they could never be my parents, died. Leaving me in the care of their older son, who I call cousin. I’m not stupid enough to give up any real names, so I’ll call him Brick, cause he’s as dumb as one. He was in his early 20s when he was tasked with taking care of me and is the world’s worst excuse for a babysitter.
I’m almost always alone at the apartment, with him only coming by to drop off supplies and stay for a few hours so the neighbors don’t get too worried. Unless I get in trouble at school, then he’d suddenly give a shit. It's useful because he doesn't about the gory stuff I look at, but some display of interest would be nice. Oh well, ninety percent of the population sucks so he’s just part of the majority. Now, with that said, you’ll be able to understand the perfect storm that led me here. During my time on the deep web, I found a particular website that caught my eye. They had new footage relatively consistently and they were the easiest for me to access since I didn't go too far into the dark web, especially with all the honey pots lying around.
I even bought a couple of files for myself to study and admire. One thing irritated me though, the cameraman. He was always sobbing, breathing, shaking, or some combination of those. It seriously killed the vibe of the killings. Something I commented on under many videos, often saying I would do a better job filming. A choice that in hindsight was me asking to end up in one of those recordings. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I was mostly the only one who commented but I was sure they wouldn't care. I was embarrassingly wrong.
I was staying up like usual, but it was past one AM on a school night, and back then that was a lot so I tried to sleep. Closing my eyes, tossing and turning, the works. I had just started drifting off when I heard the front door open. I remained calm but immediately found it weird since Brick never showed up this late. The thuds of the individual's feet grew louder as they got closer to my bedroom. I tried to convince myself it wasn't a stranger, especially since they got in with ease, but I knew that was wishful thinking.
They hummed as they opened my door. My dumbass had left it unlocked. I remained on my side, trying to look like I was asleep. They turned on the flashlight of their phone, shining it in my face. It was hard but I stayed still while they traced it over my features. I could tell they were smiling as they clicked their tongue.
“Heh, I knew it was a brat,” they whispered to themselves, pulling tangles out of my hair. Something I struggled not to groan from. They pulled up the hair over my ear and got so close spit got on my ear lobe.
“I know you’re awake kid,” they murmured, putting a blade to my neck. I let them grab my shoulder and move me onto my back, I knew how to fight but I wasn't about to take that big a risk with the position they had me in.
“You think you’re so cool saying you can do better than our guy.” they snickered, kneeling, their flashlight still shining in my face.
“Do you seriously believe that?” they questioned, moving the light away.
“Yeah, I do.” I stood my ground, they might have been intimidating but I wasn't gonna let that stop me from being honest.
“I wouldn't sound like I’m gonna piss myself every time it gets gory. I’m confident I could get better footage too, getting up close is something I’ve fantasized about.”
They clicked their tongue again and ran their finger over the bridge of my nose.
”Well, I know you’re a big fan of what we do, and you’re confidence makes me think you got something to back those claims up, so how’d you like a deal?”
I was surprised by how civil they were being aside from the touching and weapon against my throat.
“What kind of deal?” I asked, for all I knew this guy wanted me to lick their feet or some weird shit like that. They placed a finger underneath my eye, tracing a half moon with their nail.
“You have till this Friday to film a video of you killing an animal and put it on a flash drive that I’ll pick up here. If it impresses me and the crew we’ll hire ya with a handsome salary.” They began, moving their hand down to my cheek.
“But if you don't show, or it doesn't meet our standards, then I’m fucking up one of the parts of your face.” They warned, pinching my skin harshly.
“And if I say no to this deal?”
They put their hand over my mouth, scratching my lips.
“That’s cute, if you say no I’ll just slit your throat.” they grinned.
“Or rip it open with my teeth if you got a preference,” they smirked, before running their tongue across their sharp teeth.
“Okay, since I have no choice I’ll go with it, but I’m telling you now I can give you something way better than what you likely expect of me.” I prefaced, looking into their sunken eyes. They scratched my scalp, including the side of my head that was shaved.
“Good choice, I’ll be back to pick it up and if you're not here I’ll assume you don’t have the video. I genuinely wish you luck, because you’ll need it.” they removed the blade from my neck and walked away. I sat still for a few minutes in the dark, processing what had happened and wondering how they got into my apartment with such ease. I was confident I could blow their sniveling excuse of a cameraman out of the water, but I was worried about the people I was getting caught up with.
Sure, I had been on a lot of gore sites over the years but I was always just watching and occasionally commenting. Compared to most in the scene I wasn't much of a threat. I could defend myself and have contemplated killing for years but I hadn't murdered anyone or worse. Plus, I am part of way too many targeted groups to not be constantly at risk. Teenage, fem-leaning, two-spirit, indigenous kid with trauma? Yeah, I might as well be walking sign screaming “Hate crime me”.
So yeah, there was a lot to worry about. Regardless, I couldn't let that fear hold me back. I had a job to do and a group of sickos to appease. The next morning was rough, I got no sleep cause I’d spent all night brainstorming. I barely mustered the energy to change and drank straight mouthwash instead of brushing my teeth. Slogging onto the bus with drool on my cheek, I went to the back like usual. No one sat there cause, the seats were extra worn down, and I scared off anyone who attempted to with my active, rabies-infected bitch face. That day was different though.
I blanked on his name and where I knew him from, but I recognized his wavy hair and prominent curved nose. He glanced at each seat on the bus, before somehow settling on my area. He tried to give me space but ultimately seated himself beside me after realizing it was the only spot that didn't look like it would give him cancer. I glared at him as I did with everyone, but it didn't phase him.
“You know you could pick anywhere else right?” I murmured. He stared at the floor, then at me.
“I’m aware, but a few months ago I started a mission to sit on every part of this bus, and this is the last place.” he smiled, his lips softly curving at the sides.
“What’s the point of that?”
His mouth moved into a more neutral position, but his eyes kept smiling.
“I just thought it would be neat to see the same place from a bunch of different perspectives.” he took out his phone and snapped a photo from the point of view where he was sitting. Maybe my sleepiness made my bitch face less effective, cause he hadn't shown a hint of fear, which kind of annoyed me.
“That’s cool I guess, but I wouldn't do that if I were you. I’ve done some back here alone that would make your skin crawl.” in hindsight my attempt at unnerving him just made me sound like a pervert, which is probably why he held back laughter. Trying to hide a chuckle by clearing his throat.
“Hey, it's not my business what you do, no matter how Haram it is. It’s your life so that’s between you and whatever you believe in. Just don’t shake hands with me.” he joked, playfully putting his hands up. Strangely, I remembered his name at that moment.
“Oh shit, you’re Abdul! We have art together.” I sat up, haphazardly slamming my hand down on my leg.
“Uh yeah, I’ve seen some of your paintings, they’re pretty cool. I like the way you texture them, I’m trying to work on that.” he complimented, seeming more weirded out by my sudden energy than my accidental insinuation. I felt a little stupid for yelling his name but decided not to dwell on it.
“Thanks, you’re stuff is nice, and you’re good at shading.”
He stretched his arms while thanking me. We talked for a few more minutes, taking jabs at each other throughout. Turns out he was better at being an asshole than his artsy charismatic appearance made me think. The thing setting our insults apart being that you could tell he was a loving person underneath. It was the nicest conversation I had with anyone in a while. Though he could tell I was tired so he quieted down, letting me sleep, waking me when we got to school. We went our separate ways until the last two periods we shared. All that time, I spent my remaining energy plotting how I was going to handle the video. What I’d kill, record with, and how to dispose of the evidence. It was a lot to consider, but through three classes I devised a plan.
I’d find a stray around my apartment complex and take it out in my room. Record it on a portable camera since I broke the ones on my phone, no, I will not be answering how that happened. Then once I had my footage I’d put the body in a trash bag, throw it in the complex’s garbage, and clean the blood off my floor. It didn't seem like Brick would come by so he wasn't a factor I thought I’d have to consider. The plan was almost too easy, but I decided to believe in Occam’s razor. I got so lost in thought that by the time I reached Art, which was my second-to-last period, I didn't process that we were moving seats.
“She called your name,” Abdul reminded me. Our teacher placed us next to each other at our four-person table. The two girls sitting with us were already friends, so I didn't bother to say anything, but I was interested in talking to him more.
“So, what do you think of this assignment?” He shrugged, taking out his sketchbook.
“I’m not that good at drawing people, but the idea of combining two people’s faces into a portrait seems interesting. Any ideas on who you’ll pick?”
“Probably the members of the music duo Brain Tumor, they’re my favorite artists and they both look weird as hell.”
“Wow way to talk about your favorites, if that’s what you say about them I can‘t imagine what you have to say about me.” he joked, pulling up reference pictures.
“First, it’s not an insult, second I don’t have anything to say about you. Brain and Tumor have features and styles that make them stand out. Sure they’re ugly, but it just adds to their visual charm. Hot people are boring, there’s nothing to pick at.” I explained, unzipping my bag.
“Oh, so you’re saying you think I’m hot.”
His comment wasn’t serious but it kind of got to me.
“Shit, that’s not what I meant, I was trying to say you’re boring. All hot people are boring, but not all boring people are hot, okay?” I explained, flipping to a clean page.
“Alright, but if I’m so bland then why talk to me?”
I hesitated, contemplating how much of a dick I was gonna be.
“Because it means you probably need some spice in your life, which I can provide.”
He began sketching a head on his paper.
“I like spices, but I feel like you’re the kind of person to dump a cabinet’s worth onto me.”
I flicked my pencil over to his side of the desk, putting on a mocking grin.
“Aww, you scared I’m gonna get you into trouble?”
He picked up the pencil and started using it, putting his on my side.
“No, ‘cause I’m good at setting boundaries. I’m more concerned that you’ll get annoyed with how unafraid of you I am.”
I stared at him for a moment, I hadn't expected to hear that.
“Jeez, man you didn't have to read me like that.”
He shrugged, observing the red paint from past projects that lay on my pencil.
“It's not hard to figure out, just this morning you were trying to push me away on the bus. Lucky, or unlucky, for you I want you to have a friend and you seem like a fun person.”
“Wait are you saying I have no friends?” I squinted at him.
“Well, do you?”
I didn't answer.
“If your response is silence I suggest you take up my offer.”
I was stunned, to be honest. No one had offered to be my friend since 6th grade, and that didn't last long. Of course, I accepted it, but for the rest of the period, there was an awkwardness in my mind. As pathetic as it sounds I wasn't used to others genuinely enjoying my company like he did. Which was partly by design cause I get joy out of scaring people away, but still. I forgot how it felt to have conversations about normal things like art. He had such a nice smile too, usually when I see a grin I want to slap it off, but I liked his. His voice was also nice, it’s hard to describe what in particular but it was easy on the ears.
Okay, I’m starting to get off-topic. I’ll skip to the important part. Toward the end of class, he started talking about how he was interested in filmmaking and got a portable video camera as a gift at last year’s Eid. He didn't have it on him, but he showed me a picture.
“Heh, that’s funny, I bought the same one a month ago.” I pointed out.
“Yeah, it's a popular model, I’m still getting the hang of it though cause I’m so used to using my phone.”
“Well, maybe I could bring you over to my place or vice versa after school and I can help you out.” I suggested.
He smiled, putting his phone back in his pocket.
“I thought you said you’ve only had it for a month? You know I can always look up tutorials from trained professionals.” he reminded me with a notable smugness that I'd used with him before.
“Well those guys are stuffy and I’m a fast learner.”
He redirected his attention back to his page, picking his pencil up.
“Alright, I suggest we go somewhere public instead. You’re not exactly the kind of person I want to bring home to my parents right away. Plus they always need to meet my friends and their guardians before I hang out at their home.”
I gave an exaggerated sigh, stretching my back.
“Aw man, looks like we can’t get high in my murder pit during our first hangout.”
He didn't respond for a solid few seconds.
“Wait, you do know I'm joking right?”
He shrugged, the smile in his eyes appearing again.
“I mean, one of those things is a little less believable than the other.” he snickered, and I laughed with him.
We set up a time and a date, which is where I screwed myself. He ended up being busy with projects from his other classes and family which just left us with Friday, the same day I had to submit the video. Now, did I tell him I wouldn't be able to make it? No, of course not, because I decided to be stupid and even more overconfident. I said that I’d one hundred percent be able to hang out with him after school like I didn't have a mutilator who was going to drop by my place at an unknown time.
The rest of the day went over fine but that bad timing led me to feel like a dick later. When I got home I was able to write out my plan, even sketching a few specifics of what I’d do. It was more exciting than when I’d been brainstorming, but this is when the gravity of the situation began to set in. When I said I’d fantasized about killings I meant it. I mean my teddy with twenty-five stab wounds should say enough. Regardless this would be the first time real blood was on my hands.
It made me feel powerful, but a little afraid. I’ve heard stories of people thinking that it would be an awesome experience and then feeling like shit. I doubted I’d be one of those people but still. Plus, I didn't exactly trust the guy who gave me this job. There was a good chance that this whole situation was rigged and they’d kill me no matter how good the video was. Or worse turn me into the feds and expose my collection. Honestly, if that happened I’d probably eat a shot to avoid going to jail. Wait, can I say that on this platform? Okay to the mods, that was a joke, I want to live a long life. Ugh, I’m doing a terrible job of staying on track. The point is there was a lot up in the air despite it being a matter of life or death.
I knew I’d go through with it but it was still a lot less straightforward than it initially seemed. I wracked my brain to remember where most of the cats stayed and tried to come up with a good way to lure one without raising suspicion. This also proved harder than first thought because I didn't think to account for the cat man, an old guy who lived alone and fed all the cats in our dingy complex while also housing a few. Knowing how obsessive he was he’d probably notice if one of them disappeared. Then again not all the cats return consistently or at all. It makes more sense that he’d think one of them was run over rather than slaughtered. It was getting late again so I rested my head for a moment, a bad move cause I ended up falling asleep at my desk. Not even changing out of the clothes I’d worn before, I woke up late and barely caught the bus the next morning.
I went to my usual spot but Abdul had already taken it. He patted the area next to it, which he’d covered in a towel, a smart move knowing how nasty it was. People gave me a few dirty looks as normal, which I smiled at. I stretched, my mind slightly less out of it than the previous morning.
“Uh, you do realize that-”
“Yeah, I know I’m wearing the same clothes.”
Abdul looked me up and down, his eyes remaining soft, but with a mix of concern and judgment. He set his backpack down and took off his sweater handing it to me.
“Dude what are you-”
“Look I don't know what led to you not being able to change but I think you should at least have a fresh top.”
I was surprised he was offering me something to wear but I took it.
“Uh, thanks, I’ll change into it later.”
He nodded as I put it in my backpack.
“You know you didn't have to do that.” I reminded him.
“Well there’s a lot of stuff I don’t have to do, but I do it because I want to, and I wanted to help you out.”
He smiled, his face still warmer than an Arizona summer. I got a strange feeling in my chest at that moment, I still can’t tell if it was good or bad.
“Well, thanks, I'll give it back to you tomorrow.”
We talked a little more and he mentioned something that caught my attention.
“Have you heard about all the animals that have been turning up dead?”
My eyes widened with surprise.
“No, I haven't, when did you hear about that?”
He pulled on his long-sleeve shirt.
“My sister said her friend who works at a shelter noticed a bunch of animals were getting adopted by people around the same time, and since then gore videos with them have been showing up. She found out through her co-worker who was emailed it by some random creep.”
I covered my mouth and looked away to hide the smile growing on my face. He had just given me the perfect cover-up without knowing. Now if I killed an animal people had an entire violent ring to connect it to instead of me! I stayed quiet for a minute because I could tell he’d likely see through any phony sad sounds I made.
“Oh wow, that’s awful, do you think they’ll ever find out the people behind it?”
He sighed, running his hand through his wavy hair.
“I hope so, for now, all we can do is pray that no more animals get hurt.”
I couldn't contain my grin as he said that so sincerely like animals and people didn't die constantly and that taking down one group would somehow stop the issue.
“Is there some joke I don’t get?” he furrowed his brow.
“Uh, no, sorry I smile when nervous.”
His gaze softened again, and he didn't press further.
His bringing up the animal killings ended up being the exact push I needed to get my hands dirty. I’d spent the entire day before planning so it was time to put that plan into action. I stole some cat treats that the cat man had laid out and spread them around my apartment which was on the bottom floor. Waiting for one of them to take the bate outside my window was pretty boring but one of them came after a few minutes. A scraggly brown and black cat with a tuft of fur missing on one side of his head. It's messed up but I felt like a little less of an asshole for taking him in since he looked like he was already struggling. I scooped him up and he didn't attempt to fight back.
“Hey there buddy” I waved, feeding him some more food. His eyes had a lot of crust on them, it was kinda gross but I don’t have the right to say with how often I wash my jeans. After a minute or two he let me pet him. I knew making any kind of attachment was bad but I thought it was the right thing to do so he’d fall into a sense of security. I was just about to take him into my room when the door opened.
“Hey, I’m back with groceries!” my shithead cousin announced with two plastic bags in his hands. He looked down to see me with the cat, his eyebrows raising.
“Aw come on, you know we can’t afford a pet.”
He groaned placing the bags on a table and unloading them.
“I know, but he doesn't look like he’s got a lot of life in him I at least want to help him feel better before he kicks the bucket!”
Brick rolled his eyes, putting the cereal box on top of the fridge
“Jeez, did you even think about what diseases he might have? His eyes look puffy what if he has something that can get you sick?”
He had valid concerns which was surprising since he’s usually stupid, but I was still annoyed with him.
“I’m sure he’s fine, I’ll even try to wash him, just please let me hold onto him for a little.”
He folded his arms looking down at us.
“Have you even named him?”
I froze for a second, before using the first thing that came to mind, which ended up being pretty awful knowing my plans.
“Cash cow.” I blurted, awkwardly patting his head.
“Honestly that’s better than what I was expecting. I was sure you’d pick ‘Hellspawn Mcgee’ or something else corny.”
He meant to make fun of me but honestly, I would have named him that if I had more time.
“Ugh, anyway I got those dumb chips you like.”
He then pulled out a bag of the wrong chips.
“Dude those are the wrong ones, this is the third time you’ve mixed up the flavors.”
He threw them at me, scaring the cat slightly.
“Well, I pay for it so you shouldn't be so picky. Anyway, while I was in line I picked up something you might be into.”
He then tossed me a trashy teen magazine. One of my least favorite sorry excuses for an influencer on the cover.
“This is a joke, right?”
I couldn't believe my own adopted brother gave such little shit in my interests.
“I don't know, you decided to start being a girl for real this time so I thought the makeup tips on page ten would help you out.”
I scrunched my face at his comment.
“Dude I’ve been this way for years, just because I started wearing more makeup and dresses doesn't mean I’m more of a girl than when I didn't. I know you won’t get the two-spirit thing but come on.”
He shrugged, seeing me done with me even though he’d just shown up.
“Yeah well hey I’m trying. Anyway, just so you know a friend of mine is coming here Friday.”
My heart stopped.
“Wait why here? You live elsewhere why can’t you assholes go there or their place!”
He slammed his fist on the table.
“Will you shut the fuck up!”
He screamed with a phrase I’d grown numb to.
“I don't know, to be honest, something about wanting to move into this complex and this being a way to scout it out. I’m just letting you know now so you don’t act like a complete freak.”
“Jokes on you I’ll piss in whatever shitty beer you bring just cause you said that!”
I yelled back raising my voice higher than his. He face-palmed before putting the plastic bags in the drawer under the sink.
“Whatever, you and your ketamine-addict-looking cat have fun,” he told me while seating himself on the couch. I picked up the cat and walked into the bathroom to clean it. I closed the door and placed him in the dry tub. Using a small disposable mouthwash cup I got a little bit of water. I hadn't had a pet before so I wasn't sure how to approach the task. I dipped my fingers in the water and carefully pet it while pouring s small bit down his back. Any other cat would fight back but he just made pissed-off noises without doing anything.
I scrapped my old shampoo bottle and kneaded it into his thin fur. His skin was bumpy and dry beneath the hair so scrubbing it was uncomfortable. I made sure to avoid getting soap in its eyes but I did pull away some of the crust on its lids. His pupils were so clouded I was surprised that he could see at all, making me feel even more sure that he would be on its way out with or without me.
After drying him I set him on a beat-up shirt I wore when modifying clothes. He sunk his claws into it a few times, playing with a loose string. I ignored him for the rest of the night, hopping into the shower and changing for bed. His meows woke me up a few times but I tuned it out after a while, reminding myself that he wouldn’t be my cat for long.
The next day was Thursday and there wasn't a second that passed by where the weight of the murder I’d have to commit didn't weigh on me. I seriously shot myself in the foot by taking care of that scruffy, pubic hair pile. I was supposed to be hyped about killing it, after all, I’d dreamed and seen way worse than what I was going to do. Yet once I got home and started setting up I felt grosser with each step. I decided to record it in my bathroom instead of my bedroom so it would be harder to connect to me. I set down a few fabric scraps and a worn-out beach towel, placing it all inside a tub for easier cleanup later.
“Okay, I guess it's time,” I mumbled to myself. I brought the cat in and placed it down, setting up my camera once it was comfortable. I also wore my most generic clothes in addition to a mask, putting my hair in a bun for sanitation. When I saw the flicker of red showing that the camera was on I felt I was dreaming. I smiled, excited that I’d get to live out my violent desires. Yet, when I looked down at its pathetic frame and confused expression those urges left me.
I rationalized what I was doing, reminding myself how many animals die all the time and that I’d been forced into this, but it didn't help much in the end. I won’t get into it but under the pressure of impressing the group Cash Cow didn't go out as fast as I would have liked for a first task. Getting rid of the evidence was especially rough, the textures were pretty nasty, to put it mildly. It was surreal watching the blood go down the tub drain and gradually drip off my hands as I rinsed them. I couldn't conjure a single thought the entire time I cleaned it up.
Whether I was wringing out the clothes or putting the remains in plastic bags, it didn't matter. All I could focus on was the task at hand, with hints of disgust along the way. I ended up finishing at three AM. My hands were wrinkled and shook once I settled. I won’t deny that during the murder I didn't hate it. Slashing into something was fun and it made me feel strong. Still, it wasn't nearly as fulfilling as I expected it to be. Part of it was guilt, but it was mostly disappointment. I’d built it up for years and it wasn't earth shatteringly good or bad.
Overall, I expected to feel more, but it just left me hollow with an uncomfortable itch. There was no way I’d ever be able to see the tub the same way, hell I don’t think I’ll ever use it again. Luckily I almost always shower anyway so it's not too big of a deal. I watched a few horror game videos, trashed everything, changed and went to bed.
My scalp hurt like a bitch the morning since I kept my hair in that stupid bun. Despite getting less sleep than the past two days I held myself together a bit better in the morning. I brushed my teeth, changed, and had some fried bread before getting on the bus. Regardless I looked like complete shit and struggled to slump into my seat.
“Rough night?” Abdul asked
“Uh, yeah.” I quietly responded looking to the floor.
He frowned, looking at me with concern.
“You can talk about it if you're comfortable,” he assured me. I contemplated giving him a thinly veiled metaphor or vague explanation so he'd comfort me but stopped myself before my mouth could run a muck. He wouldn't be able to do much of anything and I don’t like opening up.
“Uhm, thanks but it's something I have to deal with alone.”
He nodded, respecting my boundaries.
“You know, I understand if you can’t hang out today it seems like you have a lot going on.”
I avoided eye contact with him as he spoke. For once I was feeling hints of guilt toward a person. I wanted to spend time with him, but I knew that I wasn't in the state to do that.
“Yeah, I think it’ll have to wait, I’m-” I cut myself off before apologizing. A fact about me that should surprise no one is that I hate apologizing. Even when I do feel kinda bad the act fills me with embarrassment.
“You what?” he asked, his eyes telling me that he knew what I was going to say.
“I’m emotionally not great.” I spat out in an admittedly poor attempt to get out of saying sorry. As always he remained calm but I could tell he saw through me.
“Okay, like I said I understand, whatever it is I hope you feel better.”
I told him thank you and we didn't speak for the rest of the day. At home I changed into more comfortable clothes and brushed my teeth. Unfortunately, I wasn't bouncing back from killing nearly as much as I expected.
“It wasn't even that bad! That thing was on its last legs anyway.” I grumbled to myself, smacking my forehead. I was feeling worse than when I did it which is weird. I ended up spontaneously decorating a ratty tie from the bottom of an accessory drawer to distract myself. It helped me get my mind off things, for a little. I had zero plan, just wanting to make something needlessly complex. Hours that felt like minutes passed and soon it was covered in patches, frills, and beads. I just tried it on when I heard the front door open.
“Man, that shit was wild!” I heard Brick laugh groggily. I didn't have to see or smell him to know he’d gotten lit. I rolled my eyes, closing my bedroom door.
“Hey, who’s there?” his friend asked, seemingly referring to me.
“Oh, that’s my little sis, don’t mind her she’s just on her emo shit!” he joked, which pissed me off for the petty reason that I didn't even listen or dress emo.
“Hey, that’s alright with me, I went through one of those phases,” they responded, their words less slurred than my cousin’s.
I fucked up and forgot to lock it when I closed it so they were able to swing it open, almost smacking my desk.
“Hey emo girl!” they waved as Brick haphazardly pulled them back.
“Okay, man, seriously I think she wants to be left alone.”
The way his friend looked at me made me uncomfortable. Like they’d snap my neck if I pissed them off. They clicked their tongue while stepping through the door frame.
“Alright, but I gotta say calling her an emo is inaccurate, they look like they watch gore and most emos just say they do.” they flashed a sharp toothy grin. At that moment I began to connect the dots.
“Easy, she’ll get pissy with you dude, now come on.” Brick warned tugging their opened button pushed him away. They looked me dead in the eyes.
“I don’t think she minds, in truth, I feel like we’ll have a lot to discuss later.” they smiled again, finally walking back into the living room. A chill ran up my spine when I saw them. The sharp teeth, New York accent, unsettling gaze, that motherfucker was the person who recruited me! They were able to get into my place so easily cause my dumbass cousin probably gave them a spare key or the opportunity to make one, and now they were a room away from me!
I dug my hands into my pillow as I contemplated what to do, no matter what happened next, I knew it was gonna be a rough visit.

Recently I was offered a job as a MT for Enterprise and it was a fairly good interview experience. I moved through all 3 interviews in the span of one week so I’m not sure if that’s a red flag or not (probably just good managers idk). The job itself sounds doable but the more I think about it, the more dread I am feeling. The only reason I applied for this job is because my family was telling me how it would be good for experience, which I agree. However, I cannot see myself working there and I’m already experiencing stress thinking about how I’ll have no work life balance and be there almost 24/7 (45+ hours a week, almost 6 days a week). Even in the interview process they explained how work life balance is a problem and you just basically have to deal with it. As someone who just graduated from college, I have the time but I don’t want to burn out that quick right out of school. The job makes $53k which is a bit more than a lot of other jobs I am finding around my area. They are also only offering 7 days of PTO to start, which is pretty low from what I understand. Additionally, it looked like I will be the only girl working at the branch with a bunch of guys so that’s already intimidating/uncomfortable. Even though everyone who interviewed me was nice, I have a very bad gut feeling about this role. Even everything I’m reading on here there are mixed reviews, but majority of them are pretty negative and say stay far away from working at Enterprise. I have to call back to accept the offer this upcoming week and I’m unsure what to do. Should I accept and see how it is and go from there? Or should I spend a little more time applying for jobs that actually interest me and I could get more out of in the long run. If you’ve worked at Enterprise please let me know your experience and if it’s actually worth it.

Hello Sky players! I need your opinion on my experience, because I'm not sure if I should keep playing or not.
I went into this game completely blind - the only thing I knew was that it has stunning visuals. I decided to try it when it was made available on Steam, and I've played the early access version. Now, the graphics really are stunning - it's really fun to fly around and watch the beautiful landscapes and creatures appear in my sight.
pretty :0
However, there were some parts of the game that made my Sky experience less enjoyable. They are:

• Bugs: I'm aware this is Early Access and these will most likely be fixed as time passes - but some are really annoying. Sky is multiplayer and it's nice to see others fly out and about, but not when it forces me to watch their cutscenes every single time they're triggered. That, and players can solve puzzles I haven't unlocked yet, which makes it more difficult to enjoy the story at my own pace.
• Controls: the camera constantly autofocuses on things. It's giving me headaches, so hopefully this is also something that will get fixed. We also cannot rebind keyboard controls, and the Friends menu is confusing to me.
• Players activating cutscenes/puzzles: if the camera autofocusing didn't make it difficult enough to travel through the worlds of Sky, other players triggering cutscenes that the game forced me to watch did. When I got to the mountain to climb to get to the Eye of Eden, some players triggered the "opening door" cutscene at the end of the path and my character couldn't move, so I got hit by falling rocks, losing Light - this is just one of the many times it happened.
• Microtransactions: there's lots of things you can only get with real money. I was disappointed when I found out that even in the Cinnamoroll event, I could only get two objects from the shop with in-game currency. All the rest has to be paid for with real money (unless I missed something, because I could barely tell where the event shop was).

More personal reasons are:

• Customization options: now this is something I was really hoping I could enjoy - I love customizing characters, I could spend hours doing that. I saw some Sky players with really cool skins, and wanted to see what I could do. When I started the game, however, I only had three hair options to choose from - I couldn't even change the color of my cape. This really disappointed me, since I was hoping I could at least get some basic customizing options. I have to go around collecting light and doing quests to get one cape colour.
• Quests: I've finished the main story, and now all I do every day is do daily quests and interact with NPCs. Daily quests feel too long to complete (unless there's a way to get to the top of the Vault of Knowledge that I'm not aware of); I've spoken to an NPC who told me to go help a spirit and showed me the location once, then never showed it again. That spirit's lost forever, since my Light won't find them either.
• Lack of previews: there's a lot of grinding to do to get one new item, and if I have no preview of what it will look like on my character, I can't be sure that I'll like it. Colored capes, for example - or the new Cinnamoroll coffee cup ornament. I didn't know it was something my character would put on their head, I thought it was an item to put in my nest. There was no indication that it would be an ornament for my character (that or I'm dumb and didn't see it, but as a new player, I understand few things about this game).
• Lack of info/directions: I understand that Sky is a game that offers a world to explore, but when my only guide is my "light" and I have no idea what's happening, I can't enjoy the story as much. The lack of explanation as to what was happening in the Eye of Eden was particularly annoying; I went around giving Light to fallen ones and trying not to die, but eventually ended up dying anyways since I couldn't reach the place my Light was guiding me to. Then came a few cutscenes, and sitting through minutes-long cutscenes of birds flying and happy music when I didn't understand anything wasn't entertaining. That this is only my opinion, tough - I'm aware that some people enjoy stories that give more space to the player's interpretation.

Now, Sky is a wonderful game. It's gorgeous, I love how many options you get to interact with friends (I love hugging them :D) and how many emotes you get. I really love the different places you can go to and how fun flying is - I've read the Steam page for the game too, and I know the devs are planning to make new players' experience easier, fix bugs, etc. I'd love to keep playing this game, but if the aspects I mentioned remain, I don't think I will.
So, I wanted to ask Sky players - are these constants in your mobile gameplay experience too, or are they only part of the Early Access PC experience? I'd love to know your opinions.
TL;DR - I love Sky's aesthetic and graphics, but the bugs, excessive grinding and wonky controls are keeping me from enjoying the game. Is Sky this way in other devices too, or is it only because I'm playing Early Access?