At first i wanted to post it on 4chan, never been there, but it seems the right place, so i typed it in a "be me" template. Failed posting over there for some reason so i'll do it here. Also, sorry for any typos, as english is not my native language.
Ok.

• be me
• 19 years old in 1 week
• born in Ethiopia
  • Came to Israel Because I'm jewish with my mother and her side of the family
• father is chrisitian so can't come/he doesn't really care
  • growing thru racism since first day (literally) of kindergarten until last day of highschool
• other black kids in neighborhood were kind of thugs, i was keeping myself from troubles and wore glasses, so was secluded and bullied -therefore didnt go out much to the neighborhood
  • be physically and mentally abused by mother
  • not having friends/gf whatsoever
• at 17 asking myself why am i alive, what is my goal, and whats important to me in life, understanding its wealth and financial freedom
  • learn everything about wealth and financial freedom

• leaving my abusing mother and renting a shitty apartment in another city right after graduating highschool
• working all kind of shitty jobs
• people in that specific city were crazy racist in a way i never experienced
• got obsessively into trading
• being drafted
• scheming a way to get out of the [mandatory] millitary because its a waste of time
• getting out
• drug addicts moving to the apartment next door (i think one of them was in some kind of fire cuz her face was burned and twisted asf)
• drugs smell all over my apartment
• turn 2k-17k in one month
• lost it all in 1 hour
• question your life
• decide to take your life
• but before, taking all the money i have from 9-5 jobs (3k in usd) and fly to japan (always wanted to be there at least one time in my life)
• lonely travel
  • travel end, go to the rainbow bridge to kms
  • cold asf becuase of [winter+] the height
  • looking downward
• not afraid a bit
  • something stops me
• tellin me to keep on
• that im not that kind of guy that suicide
• go back to israel
• be homeless and barely eat for 3 days
• no money at all
• find a job at hotel
• having a place to eat and sleep [hotel]
• working 12 hours shifts while sleeping 5-6 hours at best
• trying to trade, puttin all my salary in to my account, turning 1.5k in to 2k after 5 hours
• losing it all the next day
• mixture of bad shit happenes
• becomes suicidal again
• going to the sea
  • Its dark asf
• water is cold asf, its 1 am, no one is there
  • taking my shirt and pants off and entering the water
  • water is at my chest height
• decide to lie my body
• again cant kill myself
• same kind of voice tells me that im not the person that can do it
• get out of the water, soaking wet, wearing clothes, sand over them,
• going back to the hotel, sleeps in the gym's bathroom 3 hours to wake up for a 12 hours shit [couldn't sleep at my shared room that night]
• motivation for making money reduced
• still wanting to make money
• working on an online biz
• quit your shitty hotel job, and move to a normal apartment
  • still waiting to see results from the biz, but its - not looking so good
• be 1 week from turning 19 and type this on 4chan.

Let me preface by stating that I love this sub! I find Taylor's relationship with Travis to be completely fabricated and dishonest, and I'll be lucky if they last less than a year. It all sounds fake, PR influenced, and just for the benefit of putting Travis in front of cameras and for Taylor to show this newly "sporty/different" side of her after her breakup with Joe. Hopefully the mods here can see my post history (I was decently active on swiftlyneutral and I can see through the flaws and problems that Taylor showcases in her personal life, while still enjoying her music as a casual listener).
Anyways to my point: my girlfriend is obsessed with Taylor. Almost to a mood altering parasocial levels of Stanning her. If Taylor is rightfully criticized for X (take your pick: carbon emissions, relationship w/ Matty Healy, Brazil's show, Fake PR relationship) she will be in a bad mood for a few days until it dies down, because Taylor's problems always get swept under the rug. Recently we were discussing TTPD and she mentioned how "The Alchemy" and "So high school" are so so so good that she believes it's proof that Taylor's next album, which she heavily believes will be about Travis Kelce, will be a fantastic, amazingly written, chart topping new Era album that will be a highlight of Taylor's career.
I'm sorry but in a whole DOUBLE album that you originally alluded to being the "takedown" of Joe, the guy who you were with for 6 years, you have: 1. A song where you mention his depression and mental health being reasons for why you couldn't stay with him 2. The majority of the album being about Matty, who you fantasized about so badly and who you wanted to be with SO BAD that you basically cucked your current PR boyfriend and 3. Two songs about the aforementioned PR BF, one being decent (the alchemy) which wholly focuses on the only personality trait that Travis exudes (loud football jock) and the other being an extremely badly written song about you guessed it, high school (the mental age that both Travis and Taylor are stuck in).
I'm sorry but "I know Aristotle" and "touch me while your bros play Grand Theft Auto" MAKE ZERO SENSE and if any other artist had said that, it would put their pen game in question. how does my girlfriend ( who I love with all my heart) see this and says "huh, fantastic writing, it's so in depth and just shows how amazing and great their relationship is". Aristotle sounds like the most basic "hehe I'm a smart girl you guys see I know this one philosopher we learned about in middle school." Also, not to get too technical but just have to say it, Taylor and Travis (34) would have been 15-17 during 2005-2007. You could only play two player GTA until GTA 4 came out with online play (in late 2008). Why would they be playing GTA instead of idk, Madden? A game you can actually take turns playing? To me, it just reaffirms that Travis has literally no personality. He is the walking embodiment of a guy who only likes football, getting drunk, and plays video games ( not sure if it's confirmed, but I'm pretty sure he still hasn't beaten GTA San Andreas, the plane missions are too hard for him IYKYK). Him having no personality also reaffirms how fake and PR this relationship is!!
TLDR; GF thinks two bad songs on Taylor's new Album = They are in it for the long run and next album will be a classic. Lyrics show otherwise. Their relationship Is a PR stunt, and I would like to sit in as a ghost on one of their conversations to see how many brain cells Travis can make me lose in 20 minutes.
Would like to add: this relationship is clearly just to keep attention away from Taylor and Matty Healy, right? Because her being with him would ruin her brand and public figure image that her PR team has been carefully manufacturing ever since 2016, right?
Final note: is the eras tour just her version (no pun) of when guy's get their heart broken and go to the gym to get fit and focus on themselves? Or to a lesser extent when you have a bad day and you go for a long run? Feels like it

With my partner, we plan to very soon enforce a 2/1 GF system and we still have some questions about the way to bid when we have a fit. We will play Jacoby 2NT, splinter raises but no other particular constructive conventions when we have a fit.
What is already very clear :

• With 4 cards supports and GF hand, we bid 2NT.
  
• With slam ambitions and 3 cards supports, we start with 2 in a minor, and then give later a fit (on the second or third level depending on what is available).
  

Now what is less clear is what do we do with 3 cards supports, without particular slam ambition. So here are my questions.

1. Would 1M - 4M show only a pre-emptive bidding, showing 5 cards support and a weak hand, according to the law?
2. If this is the case, with, say 12-14 fit points and a 3 cards supports, is it correct to bid first 2 in the minor, and then bid directly 4M ?
3. does 1M - 3NT imply a 3 cards fit with a very regular hand? (opener passes or correct). If not, how do you bid for instance a 3-4-3-3 hand with roughly 12HCPs after partner opened with 1S?
4. Bonus : Say the sequence is : 1M, 2C, 2D (so we are entering a GF auction) . We have the opportunity to give a fit on the 2nd, 3rd or 4rth level. What would be the difference here between 2M and 3M? I assume 2M is stronger than 3M?

Thanks for your answers.

A, B, C and D.
I want to start with the one I want to kill or beat up the most: A. He is a pro football player, and that's kind of where the problem begins. When we were in the same class my whole life, he always yelled at me whenever we played football, ever since elementary school. He is also (for some reason) the highlight of the class, like for every single girl. He even had his first kiss under a desk in kindergarten. Not that I have a problem with that; the girls are all his, I don't even want a girlfriend. But what I don't get is how every single girl STILL likes and praises him despite him always humiliating, teasing, and sometimes even hitting some of them, yet none of those girls can even stand sitting next to me (especially B, but I'll get to her later). It's like it has become a standard for every girl to not like me. They say they don't hate me and I'm just being dramatic, but I'm pretty sure of the truth; most of them dislike me, don't even respect me. Anyways, back to A. Its almost a part of his daily life to make fun of me or swearing at me. All i did was wear a lumberjack shirt on top of my school uniform and he still sweared at me about it. (Something like ''fuck your clothing'' as the google translate says) he occasinally pushes me out of the way, my fatass ''friend'' pushed me so i leaned against a side to avoid hitting his GF (not that i care that she is his girlfriend) and he still yelled something like ''stay away'' like some fucking dog protecting his mate. He always cuts me off when i ask something to the teacher and almost the whole class joins him like some hiveimind. The girls are so OK with him he always had girls following him like some kind of animal's harem before he had a GF ,they even made fun of THE WAY I THOUGHT(like,my hand was on my chin.), i also call the ones on his tails whores. My hate for him is so strong i get past kill/torture him, i sometimes want to push him to the ground and r@pe him so i can give him a trauma that he will never forget, ruining his life and maybe even suiciding if im lucky (or unlucky). Im trying not to give in,but if i ever did something like that and if someone asked if i regret it,i would probably say ''i would do it again if i had they gave me the chance to go to the past''. Everytime i see him walking down stairs,i want to kick his back,slam his head against the wall until his face bled. İ want to put him down on his knees and hold him by his hair on the streetcar rails,because that way,i would both suicide and also kill him,it would be pure bliss for a few seconds. But i get sad every time i remember that murder is obviously illegal,and it wouldnt be worth burning my life...i also think about if its actually worth it cause, i dont have much dreams,i want to be a simple cashier,not much would change the world if i died,but if i killed him or he died in some way,i would be eternally happy. He is probably one of the,if not the worst, of this list of people,i wanna strangle him to death.
Now for B, she has blue hair and trains in muay thai, she even joins tournaments, but she is half my height and weight, im pretty sure i could beat her up,but i dont want to let my ego get in the way. Anyways now for why i hate her. She is fucking annoying. She ALSO cuts my sentences to make fun of me, she would never sit down with me, she calls me weird, she mentions that has nothing to do with the topic while arguing with me, like the time she made fun of the pose i made for the school album where all the boys are in a single pic.(The pose was me leaning one one of my waist while putting my hand on the opposite side o fmy waist while doing the peace sign, which,sure,its funny,but not an excuse to make fun of me) I always regret the time when she punched my stomach and ran away to her desk. All i did was just raise my leg and slowly ''stomp'' her on the chest,which only just leaved a print of dust on her. If i could go to past,i would definetly beat the shit out of her. She also almost punched me just because i called her adolescent (everyone calls her that btw,she tried to hit JUST me) but i thankfully caught her fist in the air. The teacher of course warned her,but im sure as hell they wouldnt *just* warn me if i hit her,its just general teacher treatment. Anyways long story short,i hate her as much as A,if somehow not more. The things i wanna do to her are the same as A, torture,murder,beating up and rarely even r@pe blah blah.
Now C. He is...a bit egoistic, he will point and laugh at me, but uses force even if i call him a nickname everyone calls him. He even threatened me in elemantary school to join him in being naughty. The intimading about him is well,he is pretty muscly and also grew up in a bit of dangerous streets. He is usually cool but he is one of the people who always keep up with the making fun of me everytime i get a random boner trend (everyone in this list,except B keeps this up btw). Overall i still wanna kill him etc etc, the same.
D. D is...also loved by everyone but me.He also makes fun of me, like saying they will beat me up in highschool for random fucking reasons thats none of his business (Dumb shit like me liking old things btw). I think he is probably the weakest out of this bunch (or maybe B, idk). He studies all day (his mom kinda forces him to) but that doesnt justify his actions like slapping my cheeks (both kind of cheeks,yes). He is also weirdly handsome and kind of a soft. The same thing goes for him too. Murder, beating up, torture, r@pe etc.
Anyways,long story short,these are people that i wouldnt be sad at if they died or got hurt. Also the people who i would love to hurt if it was legal. But, yknow, my hate for A,or any of these people, teaches me something. No matter how much of an asshole you are, no matter what you do,if you are popular for a good reason, you will always be the one winning, its just the way society works. And honestly,classmates like these make me understand some school shooters and why they do it, of course, im not saying its justifyed at all, its one of the stupidest things to do,but i kinda have those thoughts too. Last words: I hope every one of these people i counted above a very unpleasent life and death,they ruined the most active moments of my life,puberty,and further boosted my sadness and p*rn addiction.

REDDIT CHAT ONLY, short term lenght of a roleplay. Please, read everything i have written in this post before you message me. Trust me, i would know if you dont read everything in this post.
So this is a basic idea for this roleplay scene - Your show has became pretty famous because it is based of you asking celebrities naughty questions that nobody dares to ask them. And i am your next guest. How i want this dynamic to go is - you ask her a bunch of sexual questions, then a mini game. Then another round of sexual questions, then a second mini game. And then another round of sexual questions and the final minigame. Examples of a mini game (come up with yours) - celebrity rates guys dicks, celebrity guesses the breast size by touching females boobs.
So if you have read everything please send me this in your first message to me - your characters name, age, description, kinks, limits. 3 mini games you came up with and a photo of a celebrity you choose me to play as.
Celebrities im willing to play in this roleplay (willing to play as all of them but i prefer the top 5)
Top 5 - Talia Mar, Pokimane, Alissa Violet, Natalie Noel, Freya Nightingale
Lena the Plug, Mia Khalifa, ItsFangs, Corinna Kopf, Erin Gilfoy, Carly Incontro, Shakira, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Yanet Garcia, Milan Mirabella, Bhad Bhabie, Malu Trevejo, Bambino Becky, Miranda Cosgrove, Jennette Mccurdy, Victoria Justice, Gee Nelson, Billie Eilish, SSSniperwolf, Ranya Shelesh
I am 18+ and all characters in this roleplay have to be 18+ too

Hi Guys,
Sorry kung di niyo to gustong query ko. I was diagnosed with Panic disorder this April only. Now my GF left me because she wanted to jump to a different relationship. Like 7 months na pala akong niloloko.
Questions: 1. Tinanong ko siya kung mahal niya ba yung bago, sabi niya oo. Then tinanong ko siya kung mahal niya pa ba ako, sabi Hindi naman daw madaling mawala yun. Do I need to wait for her? What is your take with the phrase?

1. Sabi niya mag laylow lang muna daw kami. Does it mean babalik pa siya?
   
2. Sabi niya magulo isip niya, pampalubag loob ba lang ito?
   
3. May ibibigay siya sakin personally today then gusto niyang makipag usap ng personal. Should I meet up with her? Nag woworry ako baga mag beg ako sa kanya which will fuck up my chances with healthy reconciliation in the future. 😭
   

Sorry talaga. Overthink malala nako and di ko alam kung ano una kong gagamotin yung panic disorder ko ba or yung relationship struggles ko.

This is gonna be a long post so plz just bear with me and i’m gonna be skipping around a lot bc there’s a lot to cover
Before I get into it i’m not looking to be lectured on morals, relationship advice, or how i’m a shitty person for asking this but just looking for genuine advice on what i should do.
So, for context, I (21)m have been in a relationship for the better part of 4 years now and since then things have been…different, to put it mildly. I don’t want to say i’m unhappy with who she is or how she treats me because at the end of the day she’s a amazing person with a beautiful heart/soul and our issues only extend to that of any other normal relationship. The issue is i’ve totally upended my life for the sake of hers. So for starters, (back when we were in high school) she got kicked out of her house for reasons outside of her control and like any good bf i allowed her to move into my room at my parents house (to clarify i don’t hold this against her but this is just how things started spiraling) and,while this worked for a while, we obviously couldn’t live in my 10x10ft room forever. Nevertheless things were working, we graduated together, and i started college. Eventually tho things went sour and “we” decided “we” wanted to get a apartment of our own (i say “we” bc it was mainly her who made the decision without consulting me abt it and she decided she wanted a very expensive “luxury” townhome for our first place, in hindsight, this is one of my biggest regrets in our relationship as i should’ve been more assertive in the decision making and while we wanted a place of our own i definitely didn’t see the need to move out as i was getting paid to go to college, focusing on my studies, and all our needs were met) regardless, we moved out at 19, and it was fucking horrible. The place was nice but the amount of personal/financial stress i was put was killing me. I had to drop out of college because the school checks weren’t cutting it, gave up all my hobbies/interests, lost a lot of friends bc of work/the move, got a warehouse job (i don’t have an issue with working it’s just the fact of the matter), and became reliant on 🍃 and 🍻 to escape from daily life. (I should also point out the substance abuse caused me a lot of anxiety and depression, which only made me lean on it more and is still something im recovering from) all the while pretending that everything was okay (and that’s not to say i didn’t try talking to her abt it but how am i supposed to tell my gf that she basically ruined my life up to that point by putting me in a position she had no control of but took part in?) Trauma dump ik lol but back to the original question of this post.
Should i hit up my ex from 5 years ago? To clarify, im not looking to date her or get in a relationship with her but for her to be more like a occasional “ons” “fwb” type figure in my life; an outlet of sorts. Ik it’s very bold for me to assume she’d be down but we used to do stuff like that all the time and after we would just trauma dump on eachother which was actually really cool/therapeutic . I should point out she is also currently in a long term relationship but in the past that didn’t stop her from meeting up with me for the occasional sneaky link even going as far as ft’ing her current bf then while she was at my place ( ik it’s fucked up but it made it clear she was about it). i just don’t know what i should do, i feel like it’s something i really need and it weighs heavily on my mind. Has too much time past? What if she’s grown past that and, for that matter, me? What if she just screenshots my text and sends it to my current girlfriend? We just signed a new lease for a cheaper apartment and are about to start a new, hopefully, bettehealthier chapter in our lives and i’m hoping i can go back to school bc of it. i just don’t want to ruin everything we’ve built/overcome but i also want to live a little and finally have something for myself, especially after the hell i went through to makes things work.I should also state, as this may effect your responses, but im not the type to cheat and ive tried to be a very loving, loyal, and kind man to her but i also don’t want to let my own wants and desires slip away from what little control i already have of my life. Any advice?
Edit: I’ve been getting a lot of backlash due to the apartment situation; again, let me clarify, there’s a lot i’m leaving out but this is the gist of it. We were forced out of my parents house and I was faced with the dilemma to either break up with her and stay or get a place together. as I said in the post, she was the one who found the place and thinking we could afford signed the lease for me with my consent. At the time she was making more than me income wise but with both our incomes combined, we assumed we could afford it. A mistake i regret making ( signing the lease part not breaking up with her) regardless, I’m not saying she did this to me or that it was her fault. It takes two people to fail, and I know I could’ve been more involved/ informed in the decision. Also, I think it is worth stating that this is something we have both come to realize and something we have both had conversations about.

Here’s what happened:
Date: May 16th, 2024
Time: Approximately 2:30 pm.
Vehicle: Blue Volkswagen SUV.
Location: 394 Westbound, Plymouth Road Exit, Minnetonka, MN.
Incident: Uber driver in the left turn lane cut me off in the center left turn lane, coming within 12 inches of my car, and forcing me to slam on my brakes and honk my horn. This is an unacceptable safety hazard, and I would like this addressed. Please email confirmation that this feedback has been discussed with the driver.
Here’s the response from Uber’s AI/offshore “customer service.”
I am Sunpreet/Bharti/Vikas from the Uber’s Support Team.
Our Privacy Notice does not allow us to make changes or discuss personal information without contact via the email address associated with your Uber driver account.
We’re unable to locate your account with the information you’ve provided.
Thank you for understanding and choosing Uber.
Obviously, they are not even reading my message, and just copying and pasting a stock response.
There is literally zero options for email or phone support, and as a rider, you can only report drivers as a passenger. If it doesn’t fit neatly into their frequently asked questions, you can’t report it. I literally got cutoff by a distracted driver on their app, and they have zero consequences for unsafe driving.

I decided early on it's just easiest if folks are able to invite their partners if they're in a committed relationship. From being on weddit and online in general, "1 year or more," or "married/engaged but not dating" rules create more questions, even drama, than necessary. Do I want your random Tinder date of 2 weeks? No. If I know you've been dating a guy named Drew for 8 months and haven't had the pleasure to meet him yet, did I addres your envelope to Your Name & Drew? Yes.
Wherein lies the problem: My generation and younger is getting a lot more private online. Like a lot. Is that really a problem, tho? I think it's a positive, not a negative.
So One. Month. Before we got engaged, my fiance's super good buddy from college -- like one of his "chosen family" announced he was engaged ... we didn't know guy was dating anyone. This group of guys live all over the U.S. and don't see each other often unfortunately, though they all show up for each other. The couple met DURING LOCKDOWNS. The happy couple had been happy for more than three years!! Guy is apparently the quietest in their roommate group chat, and doesn't use social media a lot. My fiancé had mentioned me to his buddies early on, but this guy was less hiding his gf-turned-fiance and more, just, more private than he'd been in the past. Had he not announced he was engaged, we wouldn't have known to give him a plus-one!
Then it came time to send out invites to the reception about 6 weeks after our small wedding. Similarily, my great friend from high school and I pick right up where we left off but adult friendships just don't talk all the time. I asked her to remind me her bf's name. She said the one I'm thinking of hadn't been in her life for a while, as he was an alcoholic. But for A YEAR, she's been dating someone much better for her and healthier.
Here's the thing. You may think, "if we're not close enough for you to update me about boyfriends or girlfriends, I don't want them there," but IRL friendships can pick up at interesting places. We respond to each other's Instagram stories often and used to see each other every day. I want her there. And if I send an invite addressed only to a really good friend, I WANT them to reach out if they've been dating someone a while, and just kept it offline. I won't be offended if any of my guests ask. I'm hoping i didn't unintentionally leave anyone's super strong love out and also hoping they feel OK asking me if I did!! The worst I can do is say no.
Also, you can have, "your day goes by in a blur you barely remember any of it," OR you can have "I don't want to meet ANY strangers at my wedding." But if I'm going to be rushing around being a bride at both my wedding and reception, I can't see how someone's S.O. of several months could ruin it 🤷‍♀️

First, I want to say I am happy to have found this supportive group. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this specific issue, so please bear with me it is a lengthy post.
I was probably about 7 years old. This was the early 2000s, so me and my sister would steal my dad’s flip phone we thought it was the coolest thing. Then we would find messages with his friends that would say things like “it’s get you a new gf day” along with a nude photo of a woman probably too young. there had been multiple nude photos that we had found. Even one time a video played with a loud pornographic sound. My parents are still married so even back then my sister and I felt badly for my mother. He had also mentioned to my mom in front of us all (me about 13) how he had been to a local specific topless bar a “long time ago” when my sister and I were toddlers. Again, I just felt horrible for my mom as the sinking feeling made itself a home in my gut to this day.
When I was 14 I started dating my first bf we dated for four years. I would feel sick and just worthless because of the movies we would watch. They would have nudity and he would make comments on the actresses. Even comparing me to some. His entire family would. He mentioned this to his mom and she told him I was young and insecure. I was pressured into sending him nudes or else he would watch porn and then blame me for it. I remember the rush of emotions, that sinking feeling when I would find even “innocent” photos of girls at school in his phone or porn in his search history. When we would go to the movies I was always on edge. I would search on those sites that go through the parent’s guide of nudity so I could prepare myself or convince to watch something else.
I dated another guy at 19. When were first together he told me he had never had an orgasm through sex and frequently struggled getting it up. It eventually went away but our sex life wasn’t healthy and we ended things. However, when I was about 20 I started dating a guy let’s call him David. David was the sweetest man. I felt so safe with him. We had an amazing sex life. I never had to worry about anything relating to porn or women around him at all. When I was about 22 I made a new friend let’s call him Jack. Jack and I were good friends nothing more. Until, two years into our friendship I fell “in love” with Jack. This caused me to end things with David. For the first year (we were separated for about 7 months) we never had penetrative sex. During the first couple of months, he told me he didn’t want his ED to negatively affect me. I thought because my ex was having issues and I understood it had nothing to do with me I would be fine. I went through our relationship believing it was ED. which turned out to be half the truth. I also believed his alcohol addiction and unhealthy lifestyle had something to do with it.
The part that sickens me the most is that we were friends first for two years, he told me he loved me and then destroyed me with his addiction. While we were friends shifting into a romantic relationship I would be grossed out by his prior use of strip clubs once spending thousands of dollars. Especially because in our relationship he would complain about spending money on me. He would always check out other women when we were together. It made me feel like I just wasn’t enough. One time on YouTube it was a video of this couple, the woman was doing her thirst trap thing with her butt and he said “We know why he’s with her” “She worked for that… you turn” I was so upset because I had already been insecure about my butt and into fitness for almost a decade, and dealing with body dysmorphia. Another time me, him and his friend were at a grocery store (this is the time of our budding romance) they pointed out how good this girl's butt was and followed her for a couple of isles claiming she wanted it to be seen.
I feel so stupid and ashamed typing this, the thought of getting into a relationship with a guy displaying this behavior WITH ME BY HIS SIDE. fast forward to six months later, 1.5 years into a relationship, 3 years of friendship. I’m now 25, he is 28. Still no sex. He told me he thinks his hormones are balanced and I honestly felt bad for him and encouraged him to talk to his doctor. He started taking the blue pills they kinda worked, but not really. I would talk about how I felt with my male therapist. I also felt very isolated almost because the honeymoon phase was ending he didn’t even want to cuddle.
We lived together at this point. My therapist told me he may have a PA, he may be lying to you about it. I thought no way because I had been looking through his phone frequently from a general lack of trust. I did ask him multiple times he would of course deny it. He would always be looking at thirst trap comments on Snapchat and YouTube. Even commented on one of my friends once “It was a joke”. I would tell him multiple times I did not like our sex life and it can’t continue like this.
I swear your PA may lie, but the algorithm doesn’t. I remember I got this TikTok on my FYP. The guy who in his videos starts by saying “Oh you want to know another disgusting secret about men” he talked about lying PA. I knew at that moment that’s what it was.
On the commercials for my favorite show, WWE commercials would come on. Women with makeup, hair and lingerie and I noticed he would always stare. I thought I was just making this in my head until once he made the comment that “he used to find them attractive when he was younger and that they are hot.” A couple of months ago we went on a trip. He would be sitting next to me just scrolling through YT reels of thirst content thinking I am blind. The first time we had sex he would buy my lingerie and I would go put it and makeup on while he was in the other room I noticed when I came out he had been on his phone. He was ALWAYS on his phone. I knew in my heart it was from watching porn bc he was hard. He claimed it was bc he was thinking of me. This happened a couple of times. I knew the truth but I ignored it because I craved intimacy.
The scrolling on Yt shorts happened again one night, his algorithm was just thirst trap after thirst trap including WWE clips. I was so stressed I knew I was not going to sleep the night. I planned to wake up and go through his phone while he was asleep. When I did, I found him on Reddit pages with porn of WWE women. Emails saying he signed into adult websites the date and times right before we would have sex. Even an article on the best VR sets for porn. I thought wow he’s really thinking of investing this amount of money when he can’t even invest in our relationship. My heart shattered into the glass, glad that continued to cut me. I never felt so disrespected or taken for granted, like I was never good enough before. I cannot believe someone who says they love me more than ever would gaslight me so hard.
The next day we were out at a restaurant he asked what was on my mind since I had been acting differently. Me: “ I’m going to ask you a question I’ve asked you before but this time you’re going to tell me the truth” Jack: immediately “no” I asked him to think again before you answer, why are you lying to me he kept denying it until I said why are you so comfortable lying to me. He said I’m not. Maybe I used it too much before in the past. I said I don’t trust you and I have no mental peace with you this thing between us cannot continue.
…Y’all this is all while he was trying to get me to move across the country with him!! The next morning we talked about it and I told him how he crushed me and how I went through his phone and after I said that, he then started feeling very bad, even shedding tears. Looking back it’s as if he knew that I knew I wasn’t crazy.
It sucks because I feel I will always love him and leaving was the hardest thing I had to do. I still go back and forth about my love for him it’s always love and pure hate. Half of the time I want to call him and tell him exactly how much he destroyed my mental health. I still always scan my surroundings, and the media around me. I still compare myself to every woman because I am used to him checking out everyone. He would say it takes nothing from me but it does. I’m tired of people saying that it’s insecurity if you want your man to only have eyes for you and make excuses.
I know this was not the case when I was with David it was never like this. I felt empowered and loved. Now I have begun to get back together with David but I feel like I am carrying all this baggage from Jack's pa. David is against this type of behavior and even talks about how it is disturbing how porn is so prevalent everywhere ( he doesn’t know about the pa with Jack or my past). I feel like I am soo disgruntled towards men (Dad included) even though David is innocent and probably the best man I’ve ever had in my life. My mental health decline from not trusting my gut is painful.
Thank you for reading and your support. I wish you all love and light.

So I (16m) boyfriend’s (17m) older brother just got married this past year and I was invited as a plus one.
So we’ll call the groom Dave(25m) and the bride Bridget (23f). And Bridget is probably the biggest bridezilla I have ever met.
So Bridget has 6 bridesmaids (including MOH) and Dave has 6 groomsmen (including Best Man who which my boyfriend is we’ll call him Theo) Note: These are not real names
Anywho Bridget at first didn’t want Theo to be the best man at the wedding because she thought it would be weird to have someone without a gf to be his best man. She had paired up each groomsman and bridesmaid. Like as she wanted to make them pretended they were dating. So all of her bridesmaids are in relationships with the other groomsmen except for one, Abby (16f) her sister (who she didn’t want to be part of her wedding because I quote “it would be immature to have a child as one of her bridesmaids.”.
So she paired Abby and Theo together and ordered them to pretend to be a couple (which was weird since they soon would be considered family). She didn’t even want me to come to the wedding. She cried to Dave about me being Theo’s plus one saying “Why does your brother have to bring his gay boyfriend.” (I don’t know why she chose to add gay boyfriend, since obviously we’re a gay couple.)
She also tried to ruin Theo’s groomsman outfit to try to make him not be able to make it. She also berrated one of her MOH, (her supposed best friend) for being pregnant. Saying “How could you do this to me?”. Keep in mind MOH is only a few weeks so she wouldn’t be showing at the time of the wedding. But Bridget said it was taking the shine off of her big day.
Day of the rehearsal dinner came and I obviously sat next to Theo but Bridget walked up and said “No, you can sit over there” it was a table full of her cousins who I had not ever met. I looked over the seating chart and it said that I would be sitting next to Theo but Dave said Bridget decided to make Abby sit there instead to keep up their faux relationship up. But I kept quiet.
Day of the wedding came, it was truly beautiful but then came time for pictures of the wedding party and their respective partners she already forced MOH out as “punishment” for being pregnant, but Theo brought me up next to him for the photo, to which Bridget said “No way I’m having a gay couple in my wedding photons, it’ll ruin my aesthetic.”. To which Dave lost it, he started berating Bridget for her bitchiness and demanded she apologize to me, Theo, and MOH for her rudeness to which she didn’t and said He was done and left the wedding.
Bridget then came up to me and Theo angrily and said we ruined her wedding and relationship and she ordered us to leave. We humbly obliged and left.
I since have been getting messages from bridesmaids and groomsmen that I was an a-hole for ruining her big day.
So Reddit am I the a-hole for ruining my bf’s brothers wedding?
UPDATE:
Since some asked for some questions here goes. Well the marriage is over, turns out Bridget had been cheating on Dave with one of the groomsmen, who just happened to be the MOH’s fiancé.
So Dave left Bridget, Bridget moved in with groomsmen, and MOH has moved in with her mom. Dave has offered her any help he can.
I will give more updates if any thing new happens.

TLDR in the end.
So my (m33) longterm girlfriend (f32) has been trying to loose weight for a long time. Her idea, however to be honest I wouldn't mind as she has gained another 12kg since we met... don't judge yet, please keep reading... She's been plussized since before I met her and I didn't care. In response to a question of hers "should I loose weight?" I've made it clear to her that if she wants to loose weight I will support her, but it does not have to happen for me. Here is context number 1: I exercise daily and graduated in sports and nutrition. So I'm fairly fit.
What causes her wish to loose weight? For over 2 years she's been jealous of her younger sister who used to be bigger than her and managed to loose weight by changing her diet and exercising. As she kept bringing it up every other week, I offered my help. I approached the topic as carefully as possible. This was around half a year ago.
At first she was happy with the help offered. No hurt feelings at all (it seemed) and a literal: "I've been putting on weight for the past couple years... so I would actually like to change that" Getting her overeating (ate at least 1.5 times of what I eat, would regularly order 2 dishes at a restaurant etc) under control worked fine and she even started exercising a bit. Small steps. Going for a walk every day and a set of 50 rope jumps before a shower, just to build a routine. These are both exercises she chose herself, I just suggested building a routine. She also instructed me to please remind her of her goal (70kg at 1.63, currently 84) and remind her to drink more water, especially whilst eating. Context 2: she never drinks anything while eating and also not enough during the day (around 1 litre), so we identified that she should just have a glass of water with her meal. This was what partially helped to control the overeating.
Now we are currently visiting her family. Context number 3: it is important to understand that she's from an Asian country and I'm from Europe. Why is this important? Because I do not speak her language fluently. However, I do understand a bit. Her friends and family do not speak any English. And here is what has been bothering me a lot lately and where I wonder AITAH... Example tonight: I asked (in English, which nobody else at the table speaks) "would you like some water with your meal?" To which she replied with a heavy sigh which made her friend who was over for dinner ask what I said. Her reply was so embarrassing for me. I understand that she is basically saying: "he is watching what I eat". She refills her bowl and her friend says "oh yeah he's looking"...everybody stares at me... her entire family thinks that I'm forcing her to eat less... this was not the first time she did that. And it seems like it is almost strategic. She did it at her grandpa's, when we went to lunch with her uncle, and whilst having dinner with her parents. This is only when I understood what was spoken. At none of these 3 specific instances did I say anything to remind her of eating less or drinking water. It was just what she dropped as a piece of information during the conversation.
When I ask her about it later why she said this and makes it look like I'm trying to control what she eats, she keeps pretending that she didn't say that at all. Just keeps denying it, so I let it go. At first I questioned my understanding of her language, but today I 100% understood what was said. That also confirmed that I did understand correctly in the past. It made me feel so embarassed. She also stopped doing any exercise so I asked her whether we should just drop the weight loss subject, to which she replied that it is still her goal and she wants to keep going.
I don't want to have dinner with her relatives anymore as I'm constantly afraid that she will put me in the spotlight like this again ...look at him, he is controlling what I eat...
At this point I'm getting annoyed by it and also mainly hurt (why would she keep doing this?), so I'm considering taking a break from our relationship. I cannot be with someone who knows I have social anxiety and yet doesn't seem to mind putting me in an embarassing spot for no reason. We are here for another 3 weeks and I am thinking about just changing my flight ticket and leaving.
TLDR: gf wanted help to loose weight, I offered it, now she is constantly putting me in embarrassing situations in front of her family

I saw a post on this reddit asking women if they'd be willing to have a child in a live-in relationship or without marriage. Most women replied no because our society doesn't even allow people to have a gf or bf so they won't do it and they are right.
My question is, will you be willing to let your children be in any form of relationship they like to be in, be it marriage or live-in and will you be okay if your child in future had a baby before marriage. Afterall its people who create a society and if people change society will also change.
Edit: Thank you for your responses. One more question. Do you think it should be a social norm like now or left to individual freedom (respect whatever an individual chooses).

I know the obvious answer is stand your ground, but hear me out.
My daughter is 4 and has always been very difficult. Uncooperative, naughty, doesnt take any notice of what we tell her most if the time. So much so that we have began the process of getting her assessed for being neurodivergent.
Last night at bedtime, as I'm reading her usual 3 stories before bed, she takes the book we just finished and throws it on the floor. I say "sweetie when we're done with things we don't just thrown them on the floor we put them back. Put it back on the bookshelf please".
Of course she refuses. I repeatedly ask her in a polite calm voice and she continues to refuse. She then says she will put the book in the corner or on her dresser, i.e. anywhere other than where I've asked her to put it. I say no, on the bookshelf please, which is right next to her. She continues to refuse.
I say we can't read the last book until she puts the book she threw on the bookshelf. She begins to bargain, saying read the last book then ill put the book on the bookshelf. I say no, bookshelf first. This goes on for a while, with her getting more and more upset to the point where she is shouting and crying at me to read the last book, saying its her favourite book and I am making her sad etc. I say things along thenline of "if its your favourite book we can read it straight away after you put the other book on the bookshelf". Now she is full on crying. I'm not shouting or anything but I hold my ground and say no last story until she does what I have asked.
Eventually, after about 20 minutes of crying and shouting, she shouts "fine!!! I will put the book on the bookshelf, but you have made me sad and I will be sad while you read the story you have ruined it for me!" Etc.
She puts the book back and I read the last story. She cries through the first third of it, then stops and laughs once, but then is quiet through the rest of it. At the end she says I ruined her favourite story and she doesnt want me to do her bedtime anymore.
My question is, should I have stuck to my guns or not? I know the usual advice is don't give in because kids will then think tantrums will get their way, but if my kid is neurodivergent and she is on the spectrum or has oppositional defiance disorder or pathological demand avoidance (we've been reading up a lot lol) is holding my ground and putting her through 20 odd minutes of crying and shouting more detrimental to her mental state? Or would giving in just reinforced to her she can do as she pleases and screaming and crying will get her way?
Thanks.

Throwaway because I only lurk on reddit. I'm 27, the girl was 24. Dated for 2 months.
Like I don't know where to even begin. I even have no idea why am I writing this but I just feel so ultimately broken that it hurts in a way that I thought is impossible. I feel so empty, like I wanna cry and scream but there are no tears and there is just silence and me staring at the wall and having thousands of thoughts at once and I'm not sure what to do about it.
I started dating this cutest girl on March and everything was as smooth as a butter. We met on an app. I knew she has attatchment issues and etc but I was patient and honest and wanted to wait with physical stuff because she mentioned its important for her to feel comfortable and stuff and I was very understanding as always and thought that I finally found someone who has the same approach to relationship and wants to build something on honesty and go with the flow, don't force anything and so on. I did not want to rush anything and we were going at our own steady pace. I never want to do any physical stuff very early on in the relationship, we only did some light stuff, like kissing, touching each other above the waist and such. Very "polite". We both communicated our goals, relationship-wise and such. We both wanted the same thing, a life partner. We both said we are monogamous and we just need one person and no one else and everything was peachy.
So we always were on good terms in person but texting was a bit of a struggle, we usually had fights (like twice) on texting apps (never in person though). Time spent IRL though was like the best time possible for both of us and we were super comfy with each other like I never felt before actually.
Now, there was a time (like 2 weeks) when we didn't see each other at all. During that time we had one of those fights she gave me silent treatment for like 3 days. Now I think this is passive aggressive manipulation technique which is a deal breaker to me. But I thought "damn this girl is really cool besides that little issue, I'll give her a chance, maybe she's just stressed out or something". It went on for like 3-4 days and we started talking again and it was good.
The fight was about something we were supposed to talk about IRL (and I panicked because it sounded very serious) but then she mentioned it was just that she won't be able to spend a day with me in next month (a specific, special day that we were supposed to spend with each other). Not a big deal and I was suspicious that this was the thing she wanted to talk in person. She mentioned "I have no idea what is your approach to these things" when I asked what she wanted to talk about in person (before we had fight) and it keeps ringing a bell now - I'll explain later. We met up later after making up and, we have good time, everything felt right, idk. The fight was caused by me because apparently I "freaked out" (because I've never heard good news in my life when I've heard "we have to talk" from someone I'm dating).
I won't mention that she was talking like relationship is a huge step and she isnt sure about it and she wants to go at her own pace and things like that. I was okay with that, I was affectionate and she was usually cold towards that saying that she doesnt want to get attatched and similar things and at the same time talking dirty to me sometimes. I also should mention that she has a ton of guy friends.
Then we had another fight about some stupid thing like before too. Like basically meaningless stuff that did not matter at all. It ended with her not messaging me for 6 days straight and I just got tired and deleted her everywhere besides one app because if she acts like a child so be it. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Like 1-2 hours after I have done that she messages me like nothing happens. I am 100% sure its not a coincidence and she only messaged me because she noticed that. And then she mentions that I deleted her everywhere and how nice it is of me. Then I just told her that I don't see us having a future because she keeps using silent treatment which is a deal breaker to me. And she laughs at me saying that I was not on silent treatment (though we ended last convo on a fight) and I'm a clingy insecure incel or something like that. I was over it anyway since the last fight and didn't feel a thing so we just had few messages back and forth - I was trying to be as polite as possible, she was trying quite the opposite. Then she blocked me. Then she unblocked me after 20 minutes. Just to mention that now she does not regret having sex with her "situationship" 2 weeks ago.
The "situationship" is like a close guy friend that had a crush on her but she rejected him. She had multiple of those. She had more guy friends than I have lol. She had multiple of exes with which she was still very close and friendly. At the same time she says she only slept only with one guy ever (its not like it matters but Im pretty sure it was a lie now). I'm not jealous or anything. I am just scared that this is the type of girls I will be seeing now in the future. It's like 3rd time I'm seeing someone like that. I know we didn't promise each other anything but we became close and we dated exclusively and she had sex with someone (and felt guilty about it for a reason).
I was over it yesterday and didn't want to date her anyway but now it's like somebody stabbed me multiple times in my stomach and twisted the knife badly. I feel physically ill, I didn't eat since that conversation and it was like 5 hours ago. I just don't know what to do with myself. Are those girls the only girls that will date me? Can I for once be a first option for someone and not just a spare part? I'm just so sad, man, I wish someone would just hug me and tell me it's okay to cry. I feel like vomiting after finding out she was seeing me and kissing me after having sex with a guy 2 weeks before.
I just can't stand how she intentionally decided to hurt me in the worst way possible, I wish she didn't say that but at the same time I deserve the truth though. But it was said like "in your face, bitch, I had sex with someone when we were dating and that wasn't you, you loser".
"I have no idea what is your approach to these things" rings a bell now. Because she said it like 3 days after she fucked that "friend" of hers. So she felt guilty because she knew that she has done something shitty. She gave me specific date when they had sex and it all adds up. She lied to me. Multiple times apparently. She didn't know what is my approach to those things meaning she did not know how I would react to "oh i had sex with someone else". And she only informed me about it when we had a huge fight. So she never thought about me seriously and just wasted my time.
By the way - throughout those 2 months I saw multiple times her pics on dating profile change, her bio change, her location change and other details about her change in the app. Constantly. Like every 10 days or so there was a small change. It's not like I was checking it every hour but like once every 2 weeks or so just to look at her mostly lol because I really liked looking at her.
I bought flowers for this girl. I was pouring compliment after compliment until she was blushing and almost cried with happiness. I was there for her mental breakdowns and I just always provided support, I was thinking about her all the time. I fucking bought a post card for her when I had small vacations. I wrote it specifically for her putting some easter eggs inside that only we both can laugh at. I almost told her that I love her and I only said that to 2 people in my life so far. We both assured each other multiple times that we are exclusive and we both don't want to date any other person and we want to keep dating each other and progress into relationship phase. I was doing literally anything I could thought of to make her feel secure and comfortable. Meanwhile she had sex with someone and stated that she doesn’t feel any guilt about it because we weren’t in the relationship. Like what? We were already going on dates, several dates. And she stated that she did „what a good friend would do”. Like I don’t really want to date anyone after reading all of that. How shitty can one person be?
Is there a chance that I will meet a girl who won't do things like this ever? This is like second time I'm going through some kind of infidelity stuff and it's just... I'm tired boss. My last relationship ended after 2 years because my gf was unfaithful. She basically was sleeping around and sexting multiple people. I just want to find my one and only and be the romantic guy who appreciates the other person 24/7 and is caring and loving and would do literally anything for that special someone. I want to see sunsets and sunrises and look into her eyes and think that I don't want to look into any other eyes. I want to fall in love so deeply that I literally want to spend each hour with that person. I am always honest, focused 100% on only the person I'm seeing and not seeing any other people around and not caring about any other "date opportunities" or stuff like that. She made me open up about things that previously took years for me to speak about. She gave me more compliments in those 2 months than I ever heard in my whole life previously. She made me feel loved. She made me feel wonderful, blissful. And at the same time she stabbed me multiple times and I bleed it out.
Like I have all these questions:

• How am I supposed to trust someone after such a betrayal when they have been acting so perfectly good to me and were so supportive, nice and "honest" all the time besides that one time where they cheated on me?
• Am I not worthy of loving?
• Not worthy of faithfulness?
• Not worthy of a proper communication?
• Not worthy of honesty?
• Does everybody lie? Why do people do this?
• Why do I have to go through all of these experiences one after another, can't like I have a good time with someone and hear that I'm great and it's all good but the vibe isn't quite there or something like that?
• Why do I always have to be hurt in the worst way possible? I've never broken up with anyone before. I always give chances and never lose hope unless something really bad happened.
• Will it ever stop?
• Will I have to keep living and experiencing more and more painful relations until I physically cannot take it anymore?
• Why have I never felt NOT alone throughout my life?
• Why is everyone I'm dating so toxic?
• What's the deal with dating world these days? There is always another option but that doesn't mean shitty behavior is acceptable or something.
• Why is that pain more powerful each time?
• Does loyalty even exist these days?
• Why. Just why. Jesus christ.

If you will read this – I know you use reddit – I wish you to never feel the way you made me feel. I’m absolutely destroyed, you ruined me. I told you that I trust you. You destroyed it. I will always have trust issues towards any woman in my life forever until I die. I hope you’re proud of your little manipulational psychological tricks and immature behaviour. Your actions always have consequences.

So, I (20f) had a pretty rough childhood. My mother was kind of a pos and cheated on my dad all the time which led to their divorce when I was 2, and she got with the man she was having her latest affair with and it stuck. He came with two kids, a son and a younger daughter. When I was around 6, this older step brother, let's call him O (11) started to molest and rape me. He set up really weird sick and twisted games that all four of us, me, my brother, his sister and himself, would play, truth or dare type games. He was the oldest at 11 at this point, my brother G and step sister E were around 8 or 9 and I was the youngest at 6. He'd set G and E up together to go do naughty things, and himself with me. These "games" didn't last long, but he never let me out of his clutches. He even bragged about it to his friends when he was a few years older and they felt inclined to get in on the action, one even threatened me with a knife at one point when I was 8 or so. My mother is an awful person, she cares only for appearances and loves herself more than you cab imagine, I'm sure she only wanted children as future maids and cashcows, but for some reason she was particularly interested in living vicariously through me. I was quite the rough house tomboy as a child, and didn't care for typical girly things, when I was tearing up a tree or across a playground I was very shy and awkward and always avoided eyecontact and hid behind my massive poof of hair, my mother really didn't like this. She had always tried to brainwash me into being a charming, seductive feminine woman from a very young age, and seemed to punish me by throwing all the chores at me and verbally belittling me or even physically overpowering me from a very young age. My mother had witnessed O during one of his acts towards me. I was naked, had bruises and fresh bleeding scratches and was crying, she bust the door open while his mouth was suckering onto my chest at 8. She saw the scene, and closed her eyes and sighed at the floor, composed herself and said what she came to say, and left. I was gutted. I thought finally someone might help me, between the bullying at school and abuse at home I thought at least my mother would correct one of her children being "unsightly". In hindsight I suppose she put her marriage first and didn't want to cause any issues, but that was not the last time she'd catch him doing things to me, and she'd ignore them every time. There was even a point where O and one of his friends, let's call him A, same age, had a rivalry on who's sex toy I was, and would openly do things to me in front of the other to assert dominance and rile each other up. One of these times, O went home to tell my mother, at which she called me home and scolded me harshly for my behaviour. At the time I knew she wanted to say something but didn't, as I got older I realised it was "whore". I was 9 and A was 14. Now, amongst all of this, my brother was aware of what was going on, at the time I didn't think much of it other than it was terrifying to be home and I'd rather attempt to run away for the hundredth time, I thought it was normal and what I was meant for, to absorb the abuse and violence, but as I grew older I realised more and more about the world and realised it wasn't right, and I could chose to live with my dad. When my parents divorced we were 50/50 split custody, I'd be at my mom's for 2 weeks then 2 weeks at dad's. At 14 I simply decided one day to just ask to be picked up for my dad's again, no planning or packing, no plan in mind, just after being dropped off on my last day at my dad's for that week and asking "can you pick me up again after school? I don't want to go to moms". My mother threw a fit about it of course, she called up my dad spouting about how I was just being a spoiled brat and throwing a tantrum for not getting what I want, I never asked for anything ever even on birthdays or Christmas, so I have no idea what made up demands of mine she was referring to, but as the weeks passed by and I continued to stay at my dad, she got pretty furious. She'd cry to all our extended family members about how her dear daughter that she loved so much turned her back on her and left for her "richer" dad (neither parent was well off, but my mother blew most of her pay on jewellery, dresses, shoes and makeup) and turned my extended family against me. Now, somewhere when I was 14, just before leaving, I broke down to someone at school, I wasn't really friends with them, if anything they were more of a bully, and i told them about what my step brother and his friends had been doing to me, with the words I now knew to describe it, "rape" "molest" "grooming" and "sexual abuse". She had no reaction at the time, and didn't even seem to register it. A few months after I had moved out of my mother's, my anxiety disorder reared its ugly head, and I began being unable to even attend my highschool, and after being pretty much 100% absent for a year or so, police came knocking at my door. Turns out, the girl from before had gotten concerned for me and told the teachers, who in turn told the police, which ended up at this. I was quite unhappy about it, I told them the bare minimum information, I told them I didn't want them to even be here or involved at all, they told me they'd need to question my mother, step dad, step brother, brother, and step sister. I didn't really care and didn't think anything would come of it. A few years later, and almost 2 years ago now, at age 19, I'd all but forgotten about the police, I was still, and remain, thoroughly traumatised from my childhood and still struggle to leave the house without someone else and my headset to drown out everything. my golden child brother showed up. Now, I know this is a first mention of him being a golden child, but it's always been a stark difference between how we were treated, at my mother's, and at my dad's with my aunt and grandma (dad's side) as well. To give you a picture, on my brothers 18th birthday, he got a 3 tier home made cake, a slow roasted dinner that had been on for 12 hours, my dad, aunt and grandma sat at the table with him loudly congratulating him and celebrating his "first" beer, he was gifted a motorcycle and many presents. For my 18th birthday, the only one I was looking forward to, I got 5 minutes of attention when I opened everyone's gifts which was basically just sweets and chocolates, and then they all disappeared to clamour around my brother, G. I sobbed in my bedroom with my boyfriend, after a while the only family member I was holding out hope for, my grandma, came knocking at my door, I quickly composed myself and went to see her, at which she led me to the bathroom to tell me off for not giving my brother any attention. On my 18th birthday. Kinda lost it there lol and shouted at her. I got no cake, not even store brought, and no dinner, but when G was hungry of course the ordered him Chinese and didn't even ask me if I wanted anything. Anyway. I had been getting into more contact with G over discord, and everything he came over I'd sort of blindly follow everyone's example and revere him, I'd make him food and bring him snacks and I'd always offer myself to be there for him if he ever needs to talk, and after some while, he tells me that he thinks he's in love with someone. I was happy for him and congratulated him, but as I found out more, she was bad news. She'd send him texts talking about how he was special to her and she was so in love with him and they had sex, but she was still fucking her ex and 2 other guys and saying the same things to them, openly, in servers they shared. I was really worried for G and didn't want him to be heartbroken, and tried to warn him gently about not getting too in over his head, because he seemed to be taking all that she was saying to heart, and talking about her as if she was the one, when it's clear that she was just fooling around and looking for an easy bang sesh. G got very angry at me for daring to insinuate such a horrible thing about his sweetheart, and purely to hurt me, he told me he had covered for O and A when the police questioned them. I had completely forgotten about the police ever going over to question them, it didn't even occur to me that G would be part of that too, and here he was telling me that he told the police I was a liar and doing it for attention, the exact words my mother had been telling all of my extended family and turning them against me with. I was just so gutted. And he always knew I didn't know about him lying, but he acted so nonchalant to my face, accepted my kindness and gifts while I waited on him hand and foot. I always knew my mother would lie for appearances sake and call me a liar, I don't think my step sister, E, remembered, my step dad also never personally witnessed anything. But my brother. I had just assumed he was out when the police came over, or with friends. I was devastated to say the least. I broke down and told my dad, he asked me if I didn't want to see him anymore and I said yes, and he simply nodded. A few months later was my aunties birthday. I was invited and said I wouldn't go because G would be there, and my auntie and grandma were upset at me, they thought we had a petty sibling squabble, they badgered me about it for hours and blamed me for ruining her birthday. I eventually blurted it all out thinking "that'll shut them up" but instead what I was met with was a barrage of excuses made for him, and better yet, they were telling me to forgive him. Forgive him? He hadn't even tried to apologise...he held it against me and used it to HURT me, he didn't tell me out of compassion or remorse for his past mistakes, he used it as a weapon, and they want me to forgive him?I broke down and just locked myself in my room. They shouted at me through my door but I just blasted music and cried into my pillows until they left, and a bit more after just for good measure lol. Since that happened, I can't be around my family without a deep aching and pain in my chest and choking up, questions on my tongue and angry accusations always trying to come out. I had a big argument with my dad over it, G was my only chance at potentially getting justice for what they did, for salvaging my relationships with all my family who had disowned me, I only have my dad aunt and grandma, but my brother has everyone, everyone loves him in the family, and my own mother loves O more than she ever did me, he gets her love and affection, and all of it from the rest of the family, he's branded a poor victim of my manipulative vicious lying, while I'm the spoiled tantrum throwing brat who they are better off without. I do so much for my family. Actually,half a year before I left my mother's she developed breast cancer. I wanted to leave around that time, but I stayed because I knew her useless husband and beloved two useless oldest sons would do nothing to help her. I sat in my room and listened to her vomit and cry and choke alone, I know they could all hear her too. But I was the one to go by her side, to wash the bucket, to change her sheets and clean the floor when she couldn't grab the bucket in time. I'm the one who sat her her side and held her as she sobbed. I'm the one who fed her when she was too weak to move. After I moved out she accredited all her "being looked after" and care to O and her husband. While i was arguing with my dad, I was crying pretty hard and asking him all these questions, "why do I have to forgive him? He didn't even try to apologise he just said it to hurt me and none of you care" "him telling the truth was the only way I could have had anything done to help me" "he protected my rapist and you're all just fine with it". Eventually, my dad said a line which really solidified to me, that no matter what I say or what G does, he will always be their priority. "He's my son, what do you want me to do?!?!". In that one sentence, I heard it. "He's my son, and you're not my daughter" "I'm willing to lose you but not him". I think it's been a year or so since that happened. I can't do it. Every time there has been an issue in the family I've been the one there. My aunties dog grooming business is falling behind because of her poor health? I work there for free. My nan almost dies from kidney failure? I'm there cuddling her and staying with her for months to do everything for her. My dad suddenly losing all his hearing in one ear and starts throwing up blood? I'm there, terrified, but doing my best to keep him alive until the ambulance comes. Every time my family had gone through a tough time, I've been there to patch it up. Every time they've gone through a rough time, I've begged G to please visit, help, stay a few days, at least see how their doing....but he'd rather stay at our mom's where he can play video games for 20 hours straight living rent free. I love my family so much...my dad, my aunt and my nan. But I can't handle it. It feels like every time I see them I'm breaking down a little more and more inside. I wanted to maybe give my dad the ultimatum of me or G, he can't chose both, but it feels like I already did in that argument and without even hesitating he chose G. I can't keep being around them, I can't make them love me or care about me, but I do for them, so deeply, and it hurts so much. I feel like I have to just shut up and suffer so they can all play happy family, but i can't take it. I haven't slept for 2 nights right now because its just always there, always nagging at me and reducing me to tears sobbing my heart out into my pillows. Please, does anyone have any advice?

I (30M) have been with my girlfriend (24F) for 2 years. We will call her Zen. I used to look at Zen as this happy, fun, spontaneous lady that I couldn't get enough of. Don't get me wrong. I still love her very much and hope we work out. But it seems the more I learn about her, the more miserable she seems. Inconveniences that feel trivial to me become huge issues that impact most or all of the day. She can be extremely sensitive. And I don't say that to be a jerk. I mean...it feels unwarranted and over the top. For example: A couple weeks ago, we went into a gas station. The attendant clearly had a bad attitude and did not want to be there. She wasn't necessarily rude. But not friendly. The whole way home, Zen talked about this lady and how she was verbally assaulted by her because of her tone. It was to the point that she said she wanted to [unalive] herself - which is something she says regularly in the face of normal life challenges. She hates working....not just hates her job but hates working in general. This is a regular complaint which is frustrating because she also very consistently complains about money. These things feel stressful to me because on one hand, as a man I feel like I should be fixing these problems. But on the other hand, I don't understand the idea of hating your financial situation but also not having the drive needed to change it.
I'm not rich but l am comfortable. I own a home, am self sufficient, and travel often. I don't need her to have the same income I do or to own a home right now. It's just that this whole picture makes me think she might be looking for a quick fix to all of her problems. I don't see a problem with that dynamic if it works for some folks. But for me, the possibility of this is major turn off. I want us to be side by side supporting one another while accomplishing dreams...but I'm afraid I'm goin to end up supporting her while also trying to accomplish my dreams, instead.
My question is this: Are these things considered to be normal concerns/ relationship woes? Or do they seem like red flags?
TL;DR I think my gf is miserable and unmotivated. It's beginning to impact the way I look at her. Do these seem like normal relationship woes?

I (27F) have an older brother, 33M. We didn't get along very much as kids due to the age gap, not for my lack of trying. I never really understood why my brother didn't really like spending time with me, because he was one of my favorite people in the world, despite all his bullying.
For context, I'll give some examples of what my brother has done to me over the years with some vague age ranges of when they occurred.
When I was about 3, my brother convinced me that red was orange and orange was red because I was learning my colors in preschool. He also used to steal food like tater tots off my little high chair tray and would pretend he didn't do anything when my mom checked on why I was crying (I was NOT a fussy baby/toddler, so it set off alarm bells when I did.)
I think when I was 4 or 5, my brother came into my room after I had already been put to bed, and he woke me up. Thing is, he was hovering over me with a scary mask on, only the hallway light, and a butterknife. Not sure I really have to explain why that was traumatic. I'm still afraid of masks to this day.
When I was around 10-12, my brother kept drinking all the milk or kool aid that I would make and never replenish/remake it. I told him to stop, he wouldn't, of course. My mom was fostering other children and didn't have time for squabbles like this. So I very visibly spit on top of the kool aid pitcher and left the lid off so it was seen. What does my (reminder, 17-19) brother do? He wrenches the bowl of cereal I'm currently eating out of my hands, spits in it, and shoves it back at me hard enough that it spilled all over me. Now, I'm not an angry person. I'm not a violent person. But I was still a child and fed up with being bullied by someone who was/almost an adult. I never tried getting physical before because I was so much smaller, but I hit puberty kind of early. So I splashed the bowl back at him to see how he liked it. He threw me to the ground and hit me. My mom had to break us up and told us we were both to blame, so he didn't even get punished.
Several times, he would turn the lights off on me when I was on the other side of the room in the basement away from the switch, because I was afraid of the dark for a very long time.
We had Sonic Adventure 2 we shared. If we ever fought about something, or I reminded him it was my turn, he threatened to say goodbye forever to my chao. I am extremely soft hearted so that accomplished what he wanted.
Sometimes I would notice my things go missing. I had assumed maybe my mom put them away somewhere and forgot, but I'm pretty sure I know what happened to them. Especially gamecube games-- Those discs were tiny! He was pawning them for drug and booze money. One time he was drunk and admitted he had been selling his adderall for other drugs. That came to a head one terrible Christmas Eve. Brother was home for the holiday and I'm not very clear on what events led up to it, but my parents caught my brother in the bathroom with a baggie of various drugs that he was already doing. He insisted it was just weed, but my parents didn't believe that. I wouldn't know, I only briefly saw the bag, but it was full of both a large green ball of like leaves and lots of white powder. It was a vicious screaming match for a few hours. I hid out in my room on a different floor and played a video game as loud as I could so I didn't have to hear my family. The screams died down after a while, and I cautiously went out of my room. My brother had left the house for a while. I had a few holiday assignments and decided to just crank them out while my family cooled off, and I did it at the dining room table because that's where our Christmas tree was too and I desperately needed that good cheer magic. I was quietly writing, not saying anything, not making much noise, when my brother came back in the house. He stopped off at the kitchen for something and muttered something rude and belittling to me. At this point I'm a preeten-early teen and he had already ruined the day that had always been magical to me before, as my grandma used to stay over with us on Christmas Eve. She had died rather recently at the time. And I can't tell you exactly what I said. I think I've blocked out as much as I can. I made some snide remark, something like 'at least I don't do drugs' and in the next second I was yanked out of my chair. My brother picked me up by the neck and slammed me against the wall. I know I clawed and kicked against the wall as hard as I could. I blacked out, and I woke up on the floor with my parents absolutely screaming at him that he could have killed me. As a side note to the whole ordeal, he never apologized, and it's made my adult life a lot harder as weed becomes more and more commonplace. Just the thought of it used to send me in a panic attack, I could feel the hands choking me again. I've gotten better about dealing with it, but I still refuse to have it in any part of my life whatsoever. It's cost me a few relationships.
When I was in college, my brother had moved back in with me and my parents because his girlfriend dumped him for being a piece of shit that worked at walmart and did nothing but drink all day despite having a state paid scholarship, that he wasted, because he couldn't keep his GPA above 2.8. He was a music major. The classes he took were things like 'History of Jimi Hendrix' and 'The Beatles'. He just partied too much to even attend class. He took the dog they got with him, not at all prepared for her. The dog is a high energy breed that is difficult to train, and we had two small 5-10 pound dogs at home. At 1 year old, bro's dog was about 30 pounds. He often left for several hours during summers/breaks when I was home, without telling anyone, knowing that I would either hear the dog cry if he crated them and feel bad and let them out or that I wouldn't banish them to a crate if they were already in a room with me. The dog bullied our other dogs and bit at everyone. Dog was incredibly overly protective of my brother-- Trait of the breed. I was back at college for a few months and had spent a good month mourning the loss of a 5 year relationship. I never really heard anything from him. Then out of the blue, my brother asks me if I can let him and dog stay for the night (we live 2 hours from the college) because my mom had kicked him out. The dog had bit her and she snapped at my brother to control his f'ing dog and he responded by calling her, the woman who birthed him, payed for his other college costs, paid back loans he promised to pay to other family members, never charged him rent, and he called her a f'ing female dog. She snapped. While I agree that my mom was completely in the right to do that, I have too soft of a heart to just leave him with nowhere to go. He promised it was just a night so he could get in touch with some friends closer to home and figure shit out. I let him come to me.
I really regret that decision.
At the time I had a new roommate (she was very nice though, I liked her) and a sort of FWB who doted on me for a little while. I texted FWB and asked if he could bring some alcohol by-- I was still 19 at the time, underage to buy it, but FWB was old enough and agreed the man could probably do with a drink. We stayed out on our little porch area to make sure that we wouldn't be disturbing my roomie in any way while we socialized. My brother got really wasted. He told me terrible things about our deceased grandmother (who he knew I had really loved growing up, and had no idea about who she really was because she had always loved me). And he laughed. He laughed when he saw the discomfort on my face. My FWB was feeling pretty bad for me and suggested we go to bed because it was also like 3 in the morning and both of us had class in the morning, so we go inside. The apartment has a shared common room/living room, little kitchen area, and laundry closet. My bedroom is on one side and roomie's was on the other-- Both bathrooms are also ensuite to the bedroom. So I went in and changed out of my clothes into something comfier to sleep in and crawled into my bed, letting my brother do his own thing in the bathroom. I'm just trying to rest and suddenly my brother is pulling me out of my bed and dragging me out of my own room. He's yelling that he's taking my bed, did I really expect him to take the couch? And I'm not very confrontational. I'm flustered, tired, and honestly a little afraid after the neck choke incident. FWB steps in like a hero and tries to calmly explain that its my bed, and I will sleep in it, I have been kind enough to let him stay and he should not be so ungrateful. Brother fucking loses his mind. Starts screaming his head off about how selfish I am and how reliant I am on our parents and won't be able to do anything on my own as an adult (I was financially dependent on my parents at 19 while in college, shocker). He starts drunkenly trying to pick up his dog's toys and searching for his keys, and both FWB and I step in and tell him he can't go driving like this, after like half a bottle of fireball. He at least needs to sober up before he can drive. I stand in front of the front door, as my brother is still searching for his keys, and there is no way I'm letting him out of here right now. Brother has found his keys, and starts pulling at me and hurting me. Lucky for me, FWB had been a pretty good wrestler in highschool. He got my brother pinned down and I snatched the keys, hiding over by the sink in case I had to throw them in there. He's screaming his head off and my poor roommate comes out and asks what the hell is going on because she knows I'm very quiet and tend to keep visitors in my room. I'm like half sobbing trying to explain and the FWB, still pinning my brother, tells her that we're trying to keep him from drunk driving. My roommate does not play around with that. She was in nursing school, and had recently lost a friend to a drunk driver. I don't know how it worked, but she put on her stern nurse tone and told my brother that he was free to leave when he sobered up, or she herself would be calling the cops on him, and both me and FWB could press additional charges for assault. He reluctantly agreed to this condition and FWB let him off the floor, but sat in front of the front door just in case. When he was sobered up, he left, saying 'I hope you like mom and dad, because I'm not your family anymore'.
And that was devastating. I couldn't stop crying. My FWB went back to bed with me and laid me down in bed and let me cry until I passed out. He skipped his class that day to be there for me. I know I don't paint a good picture of my brother, but I did/do love him. I thought now that we were older that he'd mellowed out and we could be good friends like I always wanted. I mean, I made like 300 fake facebook accounts back in the day to vote for his band to be a headliner at a large concert. Just a few years prior when he was home on a break he introduced me to a TV show we binged and he let my lay on his shoulder. (I was/am very touch starved but paralyzed by fear that I'm annoying the other person, and all my friends were made later in life and are states away). When Pokemon Go came out we would take late night drives around quiet places of town while hunting pokemon together. We traded off the controller on online battlefield games and compared scores and the most ridiculous deaths. I really thought that he loved me too, finally, after years of resentment.
He didn't speak to me for 2 years. I didn't find out until later, but my parents lied for him on my behalf that he still loved me and was just annoyed, and gave me birthday/christmas presents that they told me had been from him, just that he was working. I really treasured those objects when I didn't know the truth about them. I got a really stupid mug with the first letter of my name on it in pink and zebra print (two things I don't really enjoy) but I used that thing every single day.
So, these are glimpses into my previous relationship with my brother. I don't really remember when he started speaking to me again, but I sure know he never apologized. He had finally hit rock bottom and asked my father to put in a good word for him at (insert facility with decent pay and good benefits but hard work), which he had previously rejected by telling my parents that it was a shit job. My brother's name got put closer to the top of the resumes. He got in. It wasn't easy work, or comfy sometimes, but it paid well enough to endure that, I guess. My brother used to be rather athletic.
Between the cut off point and then, my brother had worked at a (also generic job) a town or two over and hated the commute. He also happened to find a girlfriend with an apartment sort of close by. She didn't like having him over because of his dog, and almost never let him do any overnight. But now that my brother had a better paying job, she was willing to move in with him, of course. My brother bought a house in our home town and she came with it. She pays a ridiculously low amount of rent to my brother.
If she was home and brother wasn't, the dog stayed crated up because she didn't want to deal with it. Both of them worked, but her job isn't at all difficult. And yet somehow, sometimes pulling doubles, my brother ended up doing most of everything. My brother, who didn't learn to do his laundry until his 20s, ate pizza every single day, and had left used condoms on the floor of his bedroom in our parents house when he left. He did most of the cooking because she says she's bad at it. But will make pies for her mom. When the holidays came around, instead of discussing or rotating, they will always go to her family first. If my brother can come to ours at all. He often misses entire occassions (we don't go out big, but like, cmon. Hand your dad the gift card on his birthday at least, not 2 weeks later).
I also used to get to hangout or see my brother sometimes. Maybe once every few weeks, and it was fun! It was the friendship I had always dreamt of. Now I can't even get him to do anything online with me from the comfort of his own home. I don't have a single text from him this year past 1/27.
At first, we all understood. She was quirky. I was quirky. We share several similar traits and interests. I used to like that and be excited to have a family member like me, but now I dread the day she becomes family.
Let's start with the smoking car. Me and my parents were driving near his street so we could cut through to the highway, and out of nowhere, black smoke starts coming from the hood. My father tells me and my mom to get out and he'll get it to my brother's and out of the road to look at it and see what was going on. This was like.... early August. It was very hot outside. Since I've 'been in the house before' and 'know what it's like' I am 'allowed' to come into my brother's house to cool off. But GF refuses letting in either of them, referring to the messy state of the house. Which, okay, fair-- But its HER messes. My brother cleans up after her. I learned later that GF snapped at him about his family always coming over unannounced and how she has to hurry to put on a bra and everything is messy and we can't just drop in its rude! She says, as her mother and brother do the exact same thing, in a house she doesn't own. But my family let it be water under the bridge for now. My brother called me a f'in a'hole for telling my mom about the conversation. Because my mom was livid.
The next thing is my father. My dad's family has a pretty big history of strokes and heart attacks, and he's had one heart attack. My dad had been in pain all day and he finally gave up at about 3AM and woke my mom up to drive him to the hospital. I don't have a license at this point, so there's little that I can do. My mom says the surgery he probably needs isn't even done here and they're transferring him, my mom asked me to keep my brother in the loop. So I told him about this and about the time they would reach the hospital, because my mom dad gran and I share locations. I asked if he would take me up, I had a bag full of things that might make him more comfortable or less stressed. The hospital they're taking our dad to is a little over an hour away. Everyone is more or less frantic. My brother is talking to work for him, I'm making sure that for however many hours that our pets will be okay and talking to my mom's work. We drive there and nothing major happens, but it was so... Uncomfortable? Tense. The thing that's hurting my dad is a blocked or enlarged blood vessel that cuts off oxygen to the tissue around it, which, cells die, and you really need your colon, the area my dad has an issue with. The thing is, until they can do the surgery, it was like he was a ticking time bomb. My brother takes me home when visitor hours are over and I hold my dogs tight. The next day is filled with lots of pricks pokes and prods at my dad so we don't go that day. We do go the day after, Friday. My brother's GF is in the truck with him. I'm not really paying attention to much of anything because for all we know my dad could die before we got there. Brothers' GF goes to get some snacks from the long drive and the fact that she's not exactly family yet. My brother, mom and I rotate who is away in the cafe and eating with GF. I see GF and my brother whispering angrily at each other. She's tugging at his arm. I manage to pick up 'We're going to miss my mom's dinner!" And I am just stunned. Her mother has a small family dinner every single friday and makes meatloaf. His GF wanted us to head back from our critical father, because she didn't want to miss a weekly event. And I really have to hand it to my brother for not snapping right then and there. He waited until we were in his truck and out of the hospital parking lot and says "How in the f'ck do you say something to me like that? Like, for real, wtf!" GF starts crying and says its a family tradition and her mom is all she has left-- False. She has her mom, sister, and brother, at least. Her father died in a car incident that hospitalized her as a kid. So my brother snaps again like 'are you seriously telling me you value a f'ing loaf of meat over a life? we have no idea what will happen, my dad could die within the hour and i'm not there, he could die tomorrow, how long d-" And GF cuts him off wailing that her dad is dead. Which, yes, is a horrifyingly traumatic experience. But she does not get to play the 'my dad is dead' card ten years after the fact, to justify leaving our possibly dying father before visiting hours ended. She tried to emotionally blackmail my brother by apologizing to me through tears that this must be so hard for me but honestly I was doing my best to block it out, staring at pictures of dogs in hammocks. I shared my brother's sentiment.
But wait, there's more! Remember that car accident GF had years ago? You would think that, if nothing else, she would be empathetic for someone/their family in a car crash? You'd be wrong! I was rear ended at 60 mph right in front of my house after coming home from work (the ambulance took me straight back to work lmao). The physical damage to me was pretty minimal, bruises and a sprained ankle because my foot was pressed on the brake, waiting for an opportunity to cross into the driveway. This was late October 2020. Covid regulations were pretty strict. So I was alone in a room for a while and in pain. My parents had followed the ambulance. My dad had actually heard the crash and went 'huh she usually comes home now' and runs over after seeing the wreckage. My parents had the crash footage, grainy, but there thanks to the cameras set up outside our house. I hadn't realized it by that point but I had a pretty good concussion, and I was hurt, and scared. I was texting my mom constantly but my dad had left his phone at home in the rush to get my mom and she hadn't charged her phone, they'd been in the parking lot for like an hour and a half already. They promised me they'd be back soon, they'll just pop in and let my brother know since he lives nearby. My parents didn't even ask to like, stay and sit with them instead of a cold car. My mom asked to pee and to borrow a charging cable (they had one, GF has the same model phone) given the, you know, situation. My brother barely cracked the door to speak with them. He said no, because GF was uncomfortable, because they were waiting for their second negative test to come in. Read that again. They had tested negative. It's not like my mom would go near anyone to the bathroom either-- The back door that's used more often is literally inches away from the bathroom door. My brother didn't even try to argue with his GF about his own home and some empathy for someone else dealing with a car crash. It absolutely disgusted my parents. And later on brother told me he got another earful about our parents just dropping in without notice and its like? Excuse me? Its his house!
Unfortunately, a tire popped on my parents' car when we were nearby. It was like, 3 years since the first issue with the car. I went inside and asked my brother to let my mom in because its raining. GF did not like that, and didn't realize I could overhear her down the hall, arguing with my brother and his family again. I went over the next day to my brother and he was actively cleaning up GF's mess so it wouldn't be as 'embarassing' for her. I sat him down and talked to him as realistically as I could. I have depression, anxiety, emotional abuse trauma, agorophobia, and very few friends. But I'm okay. He started very quietly expressing his frustration towards GF. She doesn't do much around the house or contribute financially, lets her family over but not his, him doing most of the cooking despite regularly pulling 12s. I sat there calmly, because of course I knew this. This is what makes the situation somewhat even more sticky. I asked my brother, "Do you actually love someone like that? Or are you afraid to be alone?" He's been in one relationship or another for most of my life. Lately he had been confiding in me about how bad his mental health was falling and I was like 'that's not a slump, that's. that's depression.' So when I asked my brother the question, he hesitated. That spoke loudly enough in my opinion. But then I also saw my brother's face crumpling as he admitted he just didn't want to be alone. GF wants babies but my brother knows with her medical history and condition on top of being so lazy and bluntly told me she would not be a good mother and hopes to God that day doesn't come. He is so unhappy being with her. We both heard the rustling of a comforter and my brother lowered his panicky voice and asked me to leave so she doesn't see me here. That is incredibly messed up, especially since its his name on the house. I haven't seen my brother at his house since then, and that was over 2 years ago.
During COVID, GF started working from home, and it stayed that way. My brother still takes care of most things.
In the mean time, he's proposed to her. Yeah. I managed to save things when all our faces dropped at the Christmas dinner he announced their engagement at. My brother calls her by a nickname that was also the name of a beloved family dog that had passed away only one month ago. My dad and my reactions at that time were genuine confusion and sadness about him bringing up our passed pet. Everything was pretty quiet after that. When we got home, I texted my brother and told him that hearing our dog's name in conversation after losing her so recently shattered us, be we were, in fact, happy for his engagement.
I lied.
None of us want him to marry her. I dread the day that I get a wedding invitation or GF shows up pregnant. She would be a terrible mother. My brother is aware of the fact that my parents think she's a rude, inconsiderate brat that only thinks of herself, from that earlier conversation that I talked to my parents about. My mom snapped that they don't have to like her, all they were required to do was be civil, and we are, so shut up.
At larger family functions GF tends to gravitate around me. Like I said, we have similar interests and personalities. And I have never told her to get lost or had it in me to upfront tell her we don't like her. I am absolutely horrible at confrontation, but my patience is wearing thin.
Last year my parents set up brunch for Mother's Day. We were at the table when my brother called and said they were going to urgent care because GF had another one of her migraines that make her vomit. Which, she takes medicine and has injectable solutions. Some situation always comes up with her right before my brother would come to us.
My parents tried again with the Mother's Day brunch last week. On the day of, he said that he was too tired to come, can we try next week? Please insert the eyeroll of the century.
Because of our clear dislike, my brother doesn't often bring his GF around anymore on the offchance she lets him. It occurred to me that my parents planned the same brunch as last year, and I was dreading my question. "Is GF coming with us for brunch?" They don't know. All my brother did was confirm the time and place. The thought of having to deal with her in the morning and pretend that I don't see her for what she is, is already exhausting me. I can barely get my brother to even play online with me. I feel like this has been festering long enough that at some point, its all going to overflow at once. But I am absolutely disgusted by how she takes advantage of my brother's fear of being alone and how the world revolves around her.
I had a dream the other day, actually, it was a good dream. I was at their wedding, and the priest guy said the standard 'speak now or hold your peace' and I stood up and loudly shouted OBJECTION! Every single person in the room turned to look at me, one because I don't raise my voice like that, two my patience is vast, and three, to upset me to this level of shouldering my anxiety by making a spectacle of myself. I then explained every detail, especially how much she was charged for rent, that my brother admitted he wasn't happy, and I wanted better for him than to just be an ATM maid.
If I bring this up to my brother again, I may lose him forever. But if I don't, he may be miserable together. And on the third side-- Do I actually really want my brothers' friendship at this point? Like, I'm definitely fed up dealing with his GF like she is. Plus, I pointed out and reiterated to him before that he admitted he wasn't happy.
I am very, very quiet by default. Never got into much trouble. I was and still am a gentle soul at my core being. If things get to a point where I cross lines of polite manners and call someone out on their bs, people around know that someone did something almost unforgivable. I'm wondering if my brother would know that.
TLDR; Brother's fiancee is disliked for good reason. My brother has isolated. I miss him, but also never want to see him again. I want to remind him that this marriage isn't a good idea, but I don't want to antagonize him.

* Posting this here now because I posted it on /off my chest, and it's under review. I need support now asap before I go start bawling my eyes out :,)
We have always argued, but in recent months, we have been arguing more, mainly about how he constantly goes back and forth about not knowing if he wants to be with me or not because of his mental health issues. It feels terrible hearing your partner being constantly conflicted on if they want to be with you. And I feel like I am pretty good to him. I should mention that I will not be too specific in this post with arguments and such out of fear of him finding it and knowing it's me (which is unlikely, I know). These recent arguments have drained me at this point and have made me consider breaking up with him. Of course, because I am considering breaking up, I am thinking about everything in the past to figure out if I should really do it. I have also been venting to my close online friend. As I am telling her everything, it is making me realize how messed up he was to me. This is my first time fully venting to her about everything because my bf goes through my phone sometimes and looks through my photos and some of her messages (he has no reason to; I have never cheated; I am 100% loyal). This really bothers me because I feel I have no privacy. I have never liked anyone going on my phone, not friends, family, or partners. This was not something I could bring up because then it would just look like I was hiding something. I got an iPad from my grandma on my last birthday, and I don't even use it because if I bring it around him, it's just another thing he will invade my privacy. In the past, there were a handful of arguments where he got upset with me because he did not get his way with something small and insignificant, gave me the silent treatment for several hours, and guilted me. This made me feel so bad about myself, and like I was a lousy gf. He guilted me so much and made such a big deal that if anything related to whatever argument happened again, I would just do what he wanted to make him happy, even though it made me uncomfortable. Sometimes, I would lie to avoid it. I feel like I was walking on eggshells. I also noticed that in many arguments, he has said, "You are always making me the bad guy", even in arguments where I am not even mad at him, just expressing my feelings. If you cannot already tell, he is highly insecure. He would constantly badger me, asking me invasive questions daily. The first time I was drunk around him, he asked me a question because he thought that my being drunk would cause me to answer truthfully. I never wanted to get drunk in front of him again because he made me uncomfortable. He would constantly badger me and ask invasive questions about my s*x toy and p*orn. He is insecure about the toy; I have had it for years before I met him. Also, I have always watched p*rn, and he watches it too but isn't ok with me watching it. I got tired of the questions, so I just stopped m*****bating altogether so the questions would stop. This saddens me because I've always enjoyed that. And I am worried it might be ruined forever because he made me feel so terrible over it. Idk; it is probably hard for whoever reads this to tell if this is emotional abuse or just bad behavior because I can't give specific enough details. But the goal is just to vent. I am upset with myself that I let myself be treated this way. I am upset that I put my feelings aside so much for someone else. That I went months being unhappy. I feel so upset over this. In addition, I don't have friends, so I have no one to talk to. I am super close with my mom, but it's not always the best to tell your parents when someone treats you badly because they get crazy, lol. But I have decided that I am breaking up with him, in a few days. I even made a list of all the things he's done so I never give him the benefit of the doubt again. I can't live like this anymore. I've lost myself being with him. Thank you if you actually read this <3

Hey there, quick question! I'm an F-1 student planning on getting married to my GF (Canadian Citizen) on US soil within the upcoming months. She is still in the U.S. What's the process to change her status from visitor to F-2 without having to do it in Canada? (She's been in the US for less than 6 months) Does she need a Visa?, or do l only need my ISO to add her under my I-20? (Since Canadians don't need F-1 to study in the US) Many thanks for your help!

Hey there, quick question! I’m an F-1 student planning on getting married to my GF (Canadian Citizen) in US soil within the upcoming months. She is currently in the U.S. What’s the process to change her status from visitor to F-2 without having to do it in Canada? (She’s been in the US for less than 6 months) Does she need a Visa?, or do I only need my ISO to add her under my I-20? (Since Canadians don’t need F-1) Many thanks for your help!