My daughter has diapers on as punishment

I never thought leopards would eat MY face

2017.03.25 18:36 Havik5 I never thought leopards would eat MY face

'I never thought leopards would eat MY face,' sobs woman who voted for the Leopards Eating People's Faces Party. Revel in the schadenfreude anytime someone has a sad because they're suffering consequences from something they voted for or supported or wanted to impose on other people.
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2018.07.26 01:42 Gaenya Brand New Sentence

For sentences never before written, found in the wild.
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2012.04.15 01:11 BlackK1tt1es Black Cats

Only the most luxurious kitties are welcome here!
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2024.05.19 02:38 Unlikely_Street2541 How to respond to toddler hitting/kicking during an activity that can't be stopped?

My daughter is 20 months old and recently has started kicking/hitting me every now and then. She only does it to me, never to my husband or other family. She had a spurt when she was hitting the babysitters kid but was easily redirectable with "gentle hands" and hasn't done it in months. This redirection used to work with me as well until the last week or so when she started saying "funny" while she does it. If she does it while we're playing etc. we are all done with whatever the activity is and this usually works well to get her to stop and then we move on to something else and she's almost completely stopped doing it all together, except when I'm changing her diaper. I'm not sure what to say or do when she does it during these times because I can't stop what I'm doing or not finish changing her. I've tried firmly saying "gentle hands/feet" "hands are not for hitting/feet for kicking", having a sad reaction and also having no reaction and it isn't helping. Not sure what I should be doing?? I don't want to reinforce it by having the wrong reaction or bringing too much attention to it. But I don't know if not reacting is the answer either?
submitted by Unlikely_Street2541 to toddlers [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 01:52 madsmish Our experience in the first 12 weeks with our reflux baby

This reddit has been a treasure trove of information and support. We have seen many stories of other families who are enduring a hard, long few months with a reflux baby. Thank you for helping us feel less crazy and like others understand.
In our experience, we found there isn't a lot of helpful information about how to help a baby going through reflux and how to know if your baby might have reflux. So, we wanted to share our experience in hopes that you will feel less alone and maybe encouraged too!
If you want the story, here it is! If not, skip to the bottom section.
Feeding has been a difficult journey since our daughter was born. She lost over 10% of her weight in 2 days (I am told that is normal for breastfed babies). So, the lactation consultants encouraged me to begin pumping after every feed to increase supply, or 12 times a day. I did this for 4 weeks. While my supply eventually came in, feeding continued to be immensely difficult. After 7 lactation appointments and multiple appointments with the pediatrician, we were greatly discouraged. By the time our daughter was 8 weeks old, she would scream every feed and feeds would take close to two hours. Even giving her a bottle of breastmilk would take more than an hour for her to finish. I was ready to throw in the towel on breastfeeding because I was devastated at how difficult it was. Our daughter would scream and cry more than 10 hours a day. It was awful. I also experienced lots of nipple pain around this time, which added to the frustration.
When our daughter was 8 weeks old, our pediatrician referred us to an Occupational Therapist thinking her suck reflex might have issues. We had a 3 hour appointment with the Occupational Therapist who assessed that she did have some issues with tongue positioning when swallowing and a shallow latch, but her assessment was that reflux was the biggest problem our daughter was facing. We began doing exercises for the latch and tongue issues. Because of the OT's assessment, our doctor prescribed Famotidine for our baby. Now, our baby is almost 12 weeks and is very happy! Breastfeeding is one of her favorite things and is a good experience for us both! She eats in under 30 minutes and most feeds are joyful. There are still hard reflux days where she is unhappy and struggles to latch, but overall it is much better!
Here are the top things we learned:
  1. We learned the signs of reflux our LO was experiencing. For her reflux looked like: Clearing her throat, latching then quickly unlatching, throwing her head back, crying as if she was in pain, tons of spit up (even 30 minutes after she ate), and she needed to be burped a lot.
  2. Our baby developed a fear of reflux which led to a fear of eating. She became defensive during nursing, despite her hunger because she was afraid of acid coming up. She also limited her eating because with reflux she would experience more acid when her stomach was full. So, this was a key reason why our LO fought eating. Knowing she was in pain definitely gave me more grace and patience, but it was so sad to discover that she was afraid to eat.
  3. We began to choose a baby-led feeding position
In the hospital, I was taught the football feeding position and was told to smash her face into the boob so she would latch. Many lactation appointments confirmed this. However, for our reflux baby, this added fear because she would try to pull away but I wouldn’t understand her cue. We learned from the occupational therapist that the baby has to trust that I see her cues of struggle so she can regroup before taking in more milk. This meant, we had to do a breastfeeding position where I was not holding her head and where she could have more freedom to pull away as she needed.
For breastfeeding we did a side-by-side position. Where the baby lays on her side right next to me. This gives her the freedom to pull away as needed. Once we rebuilt trust, I was able to do a cross-cradle position. I still do not hold her head. She can pull away as needed.
We also do this with the bottle. We started with her mostly sitting up, leaned against pillows. When reflux started to bother her, she could pull away and then come back when she was ready.
  1. With our LO, we developed a mantra: When it doubt, pull it out
Anytime we think LO is having trouble and might cough/choke, we started pulling off the breast or tilting the bottle to give her a break.
For our LO, choking means more frustration and fear of nursing. I was concerned she wouldn’t latch back on, but I found it is much better to give her a break then to push her.
  1. Burping
Our LO needed lot of burping. Here's our signs she needed burped immediately: clearing her throat, anytime she starts wiggling a lot, anytime she is choking or coughing, etc.
We got into the habit of always burping every 10mL of the bottle or 4-5 minutes on the breast. I also burp in between sides.
  1. Upright positions make a big difference for our LO
We keep her upright for 20 minutes after a feed so she doesn’t have as much burning acid come up. It’s our way of helping her keep it down.
We had to plan when we'd do tummy time and diaper changes so that our LO wasn't at risk of spit-up (or hiccups). We did it before feeds or after holding upright for a while.
  1. We learned to use a pacifier or LO's hand to help her keep the reflux down
For our girl, we found the swallow reflex can be used with a "dry nipple" (finger, pacifier, etc) to get her to continually swallow. This helps the reflux stay down for her! You and I do it all the time to keep stomach nasties from coming back up.
  1. Celebrate every minute of baby sleep you get
A well rested baby eats so much better. Our LO was much more patient with us during this difficult work of feeding when she had a good nap. Give yourself grace if all you can do is contact naps.
  1. Our experience with Famotidine (Pepcid)
We saw some results immediately.
We saw better results after 5 days
We saw great results after 14 days.
All babies cry. This won't change that. But it's nothing like it was before. Our LO does not throw her head back and most feeds are very positive. She's still fussy in the evening, but that can be normal for all babies.
We think we notice when it wears off, right now we're on a single dose per day. The last feed before her dose, she usually struggles. But that's nothing compared to how it was.
  1. Help your Dr. by eliminating all uncertainty that it truly is a reflux problem.
We have a great pediatrician! But how do you know if a patient really does need medication when there might be something less drastic that would solve the problem? It really helped our dr. that we gave her a detailed account of the symptoms and timing of our LO's problems. It also helped that we happened to need to bottle feed our LO in front of the dr and it was terrible! The dr could see for herself what it was. I also cut dairy and regulated caffeine early. This helped our dr. be confident that a reflux medication was the best next step. We haven't added dairy back in yet. Just happy things are better right now.
  1. Don't be afraid to advocate for you and your baby.
No one will care about your baby as much as you do. Lactation, pediatrics, OT, every professional has a specific purpose and goal that's aligned with what they know best. But YOU are the kid-expert. Trust your gut. If you think something isn't working or your LO isn't alright, advocate. Lactation will hope for a completely breast-fed baby. Which is a wonderful thing. But what's most important is that your baby is happy and healthy no matter how that happens. Formula, pumped, or breast-fed. Many pediatricians will be concerned with the child's development. We hit our milestones, but it came a huge cost of time with 120 minute feeds each time, and very little sleep. Make sure that ALL medical professionals giving you important advice knows your LO's backstory. We made some mistakes with this... That's another post. Taking good notes helped our occupational therapist spot the problem over time.
And when you try new things, get some sort of timeline of how long to try it before there be improvement. Find out if the medication or technique should work after a week or a month. This will help you manage your expectations when you might be feeling hopeless.
  1. Know your milestones
It is normal for certain weeks to be challenging. Knowing our milestones helped us understand the full picture of what our LO was experiencing, not just reflux related. And, it gave us hope that some of the misery wouldn't last forever. Haha.
Non reflux-related breastfeeding lessons
  1. Pump-related
I hurt so bad from pumping and I assumed that was normal. I went through weeks of blanched nipples and very significant nipple pain only to discover I wasn't pumping correctly! Make sure to measure your nipples for your flange size. If you are working with a lactation consultant, they can help with this. Also, I learned to check the breast pump manual to learn about the settings. I have now made some adjustments to the settings. Now that I have discovered these things, my nipple pain has gone away.
  1. Shame when breastfeeding isn't working
I experienced a lot of shame and guilt when breastfeeding wasn't going well. I thought I was a terrible mom and I felt embarrassed that something that should be natural and easy was a nightmare. That led me down all kinds of destructive thoughts, fearing that I wouldn't be a good mom moving forward because this area was hard. I had to learn to reframe things. I had to start to see that any volume of milk my reflux LO got was a win. I had to discipline myself to not compare myself to other moms who could breastfeed in public for less than 10 minutes while I had to make sure to feed in the car, knowing my LO would take over an hour and cry nonstop. I had to learn that if a feed wasn't going well, it isn't a failure to decide to offer a bottle to help LO fill up more quickly. Honestly, I had to learn to lay aside my expectations and do what worked. And, I had to have my identity not wrapped around breastfeeding and my child's success. Just as my LO struggled in this area, she will struggle with more things in the future. I will be a better mom if I can love her through it without feeling shame for where she is at. Having a supportive, loving husband greatly helped when I wanted to throw in the towel. I also found that talking with my counselor and having a space to remember the truth about my baby (i.e. her struggling to breastfeed is because of the reflux, not because I am a bad mom), greatly helped my mental health and my relationship with my baby.
It is the end of week 11 for us and it has changed dramatically for the better! We are on week 3 of the Famotidine. Our baby smiles all the time and is a joy to be around. I am beginning to like being a mom, which I couldn't imagine 2 weeks ago. People say things get better at week 12 and we didn't believe them. We felt hopeless. For us, it actually did get better. But, we know that isn't everyone's story. Regardless of how long you have been struggling with a reflux baby, it is incredibly hard on the whole family. And, I don't know when it will get better for you. My prayer is that it will get better for you very soon because it sucks and is awful. In the meantime, I hope this post helps in some way or at least helps you know that someone else in the world gets where you are coming from.
submitted by madsmish to NewParents [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 20:53 SophistsLament Chunks

I recently started listening to Isaiah and Hunter on Creepcast and have been following Wendigoon’s cryptid iceberg on YouTube for a while. Thier perspectives on the strange and unnatural are a valued escape from a reality that can seem, at times, monotonous.
 While listening to the podcast I was reminded of one of my own encounters with the unexplained. My story is brief, and much of the details have been lost to the fog of a nearly thirty-year-old memory, but the finer points are crystal clear and should compensate for what is lacking elsewhere. I know much of the content they cover may involve creative liberties or outright fabrications, but I must iterate that everything that follows is an honest account of actual events. This is not just a fan’s foray into creepypasta fiction; the absence of the outlandish should lend to that. Still, there are only two people who can corroborate my tale and one of them would surely not. I was born and raised in South Louisiana. When I was five my family moved to Baker, a small town just north of Baton Rouge. We lived in a modest house in a modest neighborhood, and, in retrospect, it was an idyllic place to grow up. Part of the reason it was great was the company. Our next-door neighbors had a daughter just a little younger than I, and it did not take long for us to become inseparable. Samantha and I spent most of our free time together. We would play hide-and-seek, jump on the trampoline, swim, and play with Legos. One of our favorite games was pretending we were the dejected indentured servants of a brutal taskmaster known only as “Bossy.” We were “Bubbies,” and our mission was escape. At some point, around age seven, I convinced my dad to build us a treehouse in the woods behind our house. It was a simple platform about eight feet high suspended between four trees with guard rails that lasted about a week before we decided we didn’t need them. The treehouse became our canvas. We perfected our fort for years with makeshift buttresses, chicken wire, salvaged wood and tin. It was truly apocalyptic. Naturally, the woods became our home, and the treehouse was our base of operations. I’m not sure how old we were then, I’d estimate between eight and ten, but one nondescript evening we ventured into the woods on some exploratory mission as we had countless times before. We set out some hundred-odd yards northeast of the treehouse. “Northeast” insofar as my young mind could reason what direction was in those woods. We came upon a bog that we referred to as “the gulley.” The gulley was occasionally awash with rainwater and would sometimes dry to a mushy clay. That day it was clay. I don’t know who saw it first, but we discovered a wooden cross on the bank of the gulley. It made no sense. We had been there before and had never seen a grave, but the wood of the cross was decayed at the edges as if it had been there for years. There was a date scrawled in black ink on the lateral beam, but I only remember “October.” Of course, this presented us with a unique opportunity. What adventurous child when met with the prospect of buried remains would choose to do anything other than exhume them? We ran back to my house to grab a shovel from my dad’s shed. I excitedly began digging about a foot in front of the cross when we made it back. The ground was soft and did not offer much resistance. I can’t recall how far I had to dig before hitting pay dirt, but I distinctly remember the sound when I did. It was the sharp “clink” of breaking glass muted by the surrounding clay. 
We carefully unearthed the object that had broken. It was one of a collection of buried mason jars. The jars themselves were unremarkable, the type anyone’s grandmother would have stored in a pantry filled with pickled okra or peach preserves. What they contained, however, was both gruesome and horrifying.
We could only describe them as “chunks of meat.” The pale, roughly inch-and-a-half thick fleshy meat bits were floating in a red, semi-translucent liquid. The squishy pieces of diced remains elicited shocked and disgusted reactions from both of us, though I cannot remember what exactly was said. I’m sure it was some variation of “Bruh!” “Gross!” or “What is that!?”
It may have been nerves, but it did not take long for us to decide to abandon our excavation and conceal our discovery. I could not refrain from one final bit of mischief, however. We stole the cross as a souvenir. We kept it hidden behind a pile of junk at the rear of my house. The last I saw of it was some weeks later when my dad had stuffed it in a bin with the rest of the trash. I didn’t say anything.
At some point prior Samantha and I had resolved to tell no one about the jars. We naively feared we would be punished for digging up a grave, though it now seems obvious that would not have been the main concern.
I mentioned that there were two people who could corroborate this story. The first was, of course, Samantha. The second I had not yet met and would not meet for what seemed many months later, but time moves slowly when you are young. It could have been only weeks.
It was some time in the afternoon on a typically warm and humid Louisiana day and I had embarked once more into the woods for reasons I cannot recall. Perhaps the shade drew me in. Samantha must not have been home because she would likely have accompanied me otherwise.
I was never bothered to be alone in the woods. I knew the trails well and was confident in that knowledge. It had been years since I had gotten lost in them. The woods were comfortable to me (even after our discovery.) The only time I really felt fear out there was when I nearly stepped on a snake… and this day.
I can’t place exactly where I was when I saw him, and I can’t honestly attribute menace to his demeanor. The memory is too far gone. But I remember he was wearing camouflage from the neck down. I didn’t see a weapon. He was average height and build for a man who I would estimate was in his early to mid-thirties. The only other notable feature was his distinct, medium-length red beard.
We noticed each other at the same moment, but he spoke first. He said something like this; “Hey, have you seen a wooden cross around here? I buried my dog in these woods.” I can’t help but wonder if the dread on my face was apparent. I’ve never been adept at lying, but I knew in that instance that I had better be convincing. “No. I haven’t seen anything” was my reply. I suppose he took me at my word, because the exchange ended shortly after. I walked until I was out of his line-of-sight, then ran. I ran the whole way home.
I read somewhere once that every time you remember an event from your life the memory is tainted by the thoughts and feelings you had at the time you remembered them. This can happen so often that the memory itself becomes unreliable, like the final phrase at the end of a game of telephone. The idea that what we saw may have been misinterpreted has crossed my mind, but I still cannot conjure a satisfying explanation for those events. The most frustrating thing is that we will probably never know.
Samantha and her family moved away a few years later. Me and mine moved not long after. We tried to keep in touch, but distance is a cruel mistress. We have since moved on, gotten married and pursued our careers, but every once in a while, we both remember the meat chunks.
submitted by SophistsLament to creepcast [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 19:27 Yurii_S_Kh Monotheism. Part 2: Judaism

Monotheism. Part 2: Judaism
Part 1
Judaism: a Retreat from Biblical Monotheism
The history of the Jewish people is clearly divided into two periods: before and after the expiatory death of Jesus Christ. As the Sacrifice for the sins of the world had not yet been carried out, Old Testament history continued, the entire meaning of which consisted in waiting and preparation to meet the coming Savior. Messianic expectations were particularly pronounced during the last decades before the arrival of the Savior into the world. People not only in Jerusalem, but also in other cities and villages of Palestine, waited for the Messiah foretold in the Holy Scripture.
Christ and the Pharisees
Time was fulfilled. The Messiah came, but Jewish leaders, Pharisees, and Sadducees condemned him to death. But why were the Pharisees, Sadducees, and scribes offended? Why was it enough for the Samaritan woman to reveal the secret side of her life for her to gladly believe that the traveler standing beside her, weary from the road and asking her for water, was Christ (see John 4:42)? Why did the Pharisees and scribes, who were witnesses to the magnificent miracles performed by Jesus and knew the Scriptures better than anyone else, stubbornly refuse to recognize Christ? Finally, one more question: why did they hate Him, despite the fact that he delivered many people from terrible disease and suffering?
The answer must be sought in the peculiarities and character of the spiritual life of the leaders of Israel. Religious life demands of a person self-attentiveness, moral sensitivity, humility, and pure intentions. Without this, the heart gradually hardens. A change inevitably occurs, the consequences of which are spiritual death.
Already before the beginning of our Savior’s Gospel of the Heavenly Kingdom, the Jews had begun to imagine the Messiah as a powerful earthly king, who would exalt them above all nations and make them wealthy and powerful. This concept of the Messiah corresponded to their spiritual and moral condition.
For a proper understanding of the prophecy inspired by the Holy Spirit, not doctrinal erudition, but pure, uncorrupted faith was necessary.
The consciousness of lawyers and scribes, corrupted by sin, did not notice the parts of the Old Testament in which the spiritual qualities of the promised Messiah are given: "behold, thy King cometh unto thee: he is just, and having salvation; lowly, and riding upon an ass, and upon a colt the foal of an ass" (Zech. 9:9); " Behold my servant, whom I uphold; mine elect, in whom my soul delighteth; I have put my spirit upon him: he shall bring forth judgment to the Gentiles. He shall not cry, nor lift up, nor cause his voice to be heard in the street. A bruised reed shall he not break, and the smoking flax shall he not quench: he shall bring forth judgment unto truth" (Isa. 42:1-3; cf.: Matt. 12:20).
Despite all the seemingly multifaceted events preceding the trial of the Savior of the world, there is only one reason for such a grave sin to have been committed—the people were rooted in sin and loved it. They seethed with anger at He who had come to the world to conquer and destroy sin.
After Christ the Messiah, who came to save the world, was slandered, profaned, and put to death, the spiritual death of the chosen people began. The Lord Jesus Christ spoke to the Hebrews directly, "He that hateth me hateth my Father also" (John 15:23). This means that the monotheism of the Hebrew leaders became entirely formalistic.
In literature, Old Testament religion, which ends with the conclusion of the New Testament, and Judaism, are often confused. This association is completely wrong. The expectation of the Messiah, which permeated the centuries-long history of the religion of the descendants of the Prophet Moses, ended. The goals and aspirations of the Hebrews, led by the Pharisees and Sadducees, stayed on Earth. Earthly well-being, wealth, success, and power became core values. In keeping with these, they imagined the anticipated Messiah.
However, the prophets foretold the coming of another Messiah—the Suffering Messiah. The Prophet Isaiah, who is called the "Old Testament Evangelist" (see Saint Jerome, Letter to Paulinus) because of his many prophesies and the precision of their fulfillment in Jesus Christ, speaks about this with impressive clarity and precision.
What then is the true Messiah? "He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth… for the transgression of my people was he stricken. And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth. Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand" (Isa. 53:7-10).
Were the Jews familiar with this chapter of the great prophet? Not all of them. Usually during weekly readings at the synagogue this chapter is omitted. Here is an excerpt from the memoirs of Rosa Price, who survived the horrors of several Nazi concentration camps and accepted Jesus Christ. Her daughter became a follower of the Savior Jesus, but she adhered to old misconceptions. "I ran to the rabbi. He would tell me different Scriptures with which to challenge my family. In response, they would give me five more. At the urging of my family, I asked the rabbi about Isaiah 53. He said, “No Jew reads that, especially not a Jewish woman.” So I couldn’t read it. The same for Psalm 22. There are 328 prophecies of the coming of the suffering servant Messiah. I asked the rabbi about almost all of them. Finally, the rabbi told me not to come to the synagogue anymore because I had read him Isaiah 53" (Rosa Price. The Survivor // Sid Roth. They Thought for Themselves. WWP, 2007).
How did the lawyers, who knew many parts of the Old Testament Bible by heart, explain the chapter? In the period of the Talmud's formation, the scribes recognized that the 53rd chapter was a prophecy of the Messiah's coming. However, beginning with the famed Hebrew exegete Rashi (Rabbi Shlomo Yitzchaki; 1040 - 1105), rabbis assert that the 53rd chapter speaks of the Jewish people. A simple reference to the text can refute this belief.
  • "Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows" (Isa. 53:4). Whose grief did the Jewish people take on and whose sorrows did they carry?
  • "With his stripes we are healed" (Isa. 53:5). Who has been healed by the wounds of the Jewish people?
  • "For the transgression of my people was he stricken" (Isa. 53:8). If it is speaking of the Jewish people, then who suffered punishment for the transgressions of the Jewish people?
  • "And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death" (Isa. 53:9). When and in which grave are the Jewish people buried?
In the holy Old Testament books there are signs of the appearance of Christ (the Messiah) and in it are described his chief characteristics. Of the prophecies on the coming of Christ into the world in the Old Testament, before all else it is necessary to note the vision of the prophet Daniel, foretelling even the year of the Savior's death. “Seventy weeks are determined upon thy people and upon thy holy city, to finish the transgression, and to make an end of sins, and to make reconciliation for iniquity, and to bring in everlasting righteousness, and to seal up the vision and prophecy, and to anoint the most Holy. Know therefore and understand, that from the going forth of the commandment to restore and to build Jerusalem unto the Messiah the Prince shall be seven weeks, and threescore and two weeks: the street shall be built again, and the wall, even in troublous times. And after threescore and two weeks shall Messiah be cut off, but not for himself: and the people of the prince that shall come shall destroy the city and the sanctuary; and the end thereof shall be with a flood, and unto the end of the war desolations are determined" (Dan. 9:24-26). Week (seven) is understood as 7 years, and 70 sevens consists of 490 years. It is the timeframe for the "end of sin." Here, we are talking about Christ the Savior's atonement for people who have violated the will of God and fallen from grace. In the prophecy, the Messiah is directly indicated ("to anoint the most Holy"). To calculate the amount of time given here, one must turn to historical sources, noting the reconstruction of the city of Jerusalem, which fell as a result of the Babylonian destruction in 586. The count of seventy sevens begins from the date of the reconstruction of Jerusalem. The decree for the restoration was given by Artaxerxes Longimanus in the 20th year of his reign. He came to the throne between December 18, 465 and December 18, 464 BC. The seventh year of his reign, from which the countdown of weeks begins, comes in 458 or 457. From this time period to the time of the appearance of Christ our Lord, 69 weeks (483 years) should pass.
The Forerunner of the coming of the Messiah is also mentioned in the Old Testament. "Behold, I will send my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me: and the Lord, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the covenant, whom ye delight in: behold, he shall come, saith the Lord of hosts" (Mal. 3:1). Dwellers in Palestine knew the Holy Scripture and saw in John, who preached repentance, the Angel of the Covenant predicted by the prophets. Thus, people from all of Jerusalem and all the outskirts of the Jordan came to him (see Mark 1:5).
In the holy books of the Old Testament, there are prophecies of all of the main events in the life of Jesus the Messiah. The prophet Micah identified the place of birth: "But thou, Bethlehem Ephratah, though thou be little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of thee shall he come forth unto me that is to be ruler in Israel; whose goings forth have been from of old, from everlasting" (Mic. 5:2).
The Word of God demonstrated the great spiritual gifts of the future Anointed One. "And there shall come forth a rod out of the stem of Jesse, and a Branch shall grow out of his roots: And the spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord" (Isa. 11:1-2). All of this was fulfilled by Jesus: "... the people were astonished at his doctrine: For he taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes" (Matt. 7:28-29).
Through the prophets, the Holy Spirit indicated a special distinguishing feature of the Messiah, the extraordinary power of wonderworking: "He will come and save you. Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf shall be unstopped.
Then shall the lame man leap as an hart, and the tongue of the dumb sing: for in the wilderness shall waters break out, and streams in the desert" (Isa. 35:4-6). When the two men came to Jesus from John the Baptist to ask, "Art thou he that should come? or look we for another?" (Luke 7:20), the Lord before all else points to the miracles he has performed: "The blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, to the poor the gospel is preached. And blessed is he, whosoever shall not be offended in me" (Luke 7:22-23). The people knew that the Messiah would be characterized by the miracles he performed. "Then was brought unto him one possessed with a devil, blind, and dumb: and he healed him, insomuch that the blind and dumb both spake and saw. And all the people were amazed, and said, Is not this the son of David?” (Matt. 12:22-23).
A mind corrupted by sin could not notice the parts of the Old Testament in which the spiritual qualities of the promised Messiah are given: "Behold, thy King cometh unto thee: he is just, and having salvation; lowly, and riding upon an ass, and upon a colt the foal of an ass" (Zech. 9:9).
  1. The Jews, having rejected the Messiah as the incarnate Son of God, could not remain in the scope of the Revelation given in the Old Testament. Gradually, to the Law given by God, the Pharisees and scribes added 613 commandments: 365 positive commandments and 248 negative commandments.
The Lord rebukes the Hebrew teachers of the law. "For laying aside the commandment of God, ye hold the tradition of men" (Mark 7:8). Faith in God as a real, absolute Person—this is monotheism—is replaced by ritualism. In Judaism, the authority of the Talmud is greater than the Torah (Pentateuch). The famed rabbi Adin Steinsaltz writes, "If the Torah is the foundation of Judaism, then the Talmud is the central pillar supporting the entire spiritual and philosophical edifice. In many ways, the Talmud is the most important book in Jewish culture, the backbone of creativity and of national life. No other work has had a comparable influence on the theory and practice of Jewish life. The Jews always recognized that as a people, their preservation and development depends on the study of the Talmud" ("What is the Talmud?").
What is this "central pillar" of Judaism? I will introduce an excerpt from the Tract Sabbath, with commentary from Rabbi Pinchas Kehati: "The cripple may go out with his wooden leg; such is the decree of Rabbi Meir, but Rabbi Jose prohibits it. If the wooden leg has a receptacle for pads, it is subject to defilement. Crutches are subject to defilement by being sat or trodden upon; but one may go out with them on Sabbath and enter the outer court (of the Temple). The chair and crutches of a paralytic are subject to defilement, and one must not go out with them on the Sabbath nor enter the outer court (of the Temple). Stilts are not subject to defilement, but nevertheless one must not go out with them on Sabbath."
Commentary: "The cripple, a man with one amputated leg, may go out on the Sabbath on his wooden leg, an artificial leg, made according to the size of his shin. Such is the decree of Rabbi Meir, who believes that an artificial leg corresponds to footwear, while Rabbi Jose forbids the cripple from going out with his wooden leg on the Sabbath. According to him, it does not correspond to footwear because the cripple stands primarily with his hands on a cane, while the artificial leg is only for appearance's sake so that his physical handicap would go unnoticed. Thus, the artificial leg on Sabbath is seen as an unnecessary load, and it is prohibited to enter with it. According to the other point of view, Rabbi Jose agrees that the artificial leg equates to footwear, however he is afraid that the man will detach it and will carry over 4 cubits into the public domain, but Rabbi Meir does not have this fear.
I risk fatiguing the reader, but I will introduce one more place from the Talmud to fully portray the spiritual deadness of ritualism. “There are two acts constituting the transfer (of things which are prohibited) on the Sabbath, which are in turn subdivided into four for a man who finds himself inside a private domain (reshut hayachid). The two acts are, however, increased to four for a man who finds himself outside in the public domain (reshut harabim). How so? For example, a mendicant stands outside (in reshut harabim) and the master of a house inside (in reshut hayachid). The mendicant passes his hand into the house (through for example a window) and puts something into the hand of the master (let's say a basket, so that he might give him a piece of bread), or (another variation) the mendicant reaches out and takes something from the master's hand (a piece of bread). In these two cases, the mendicant is breaking the law of the Sabbath, but the host is not. Or, if the master of the house (being inside) passes his hand through a window and puts, say, a piece of bread, into the hand of the mendicant, or, having put out his hand, he takes an object (a basket) from the hands of the mendicant, who is standing outside on the street, and brings it into the house, the master of the house would have broken the law of the Sabbath, but not the mendicant. This is the first part of the Mishna, which has demonstrated to us what the “two acts” of transferring objects mean, from the position of one who is inside, and from the position of one who finds himself outside. Carrying out any of these acts on the Sabbath is prohibited" (Tract Sabbath).[1]
Instead of a living faith in a merciful God and love towards one’s fellow man, entire volumes of the Talmud are filled with the sophistic disputes of various rabbinical schools over what to do with an egg laid by a chicken on the Sabbath, or about a host giving bread to a beggar, so that he does not break the Sabbath.
What a huge spiritual distance there was between the prophets and the scribes! The first to shine in the faith were those who participated in the source of heavenly wisdom, while others directed their extraordinary erudition to "solving" questions irrelevant to life. The lawyers occasionally thrashed out whether one may move a ladder from one dovecote to another on feast days.
It is obvious that religious life, in which ritualism is the determining principle, will become formalistic. "Wherefore the Lord said, Forasmuch as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honour me, but have removed their heart far from me, and their fear toward me is taught by the precept of men" (Isa. 29:13).
Falling away from the living source of Truth will inevitably lead to dissolution and barrenness. In medieval European church art, the contrast between Christianity and Judaism was allegorically represented in the form of two female figures: the Church and the Synagogue. The south portal of the transept (cross aisle) of the cathedral in Strasbourg (approx. 1230) is decorated with such sculptures. The woman representing the Church, clearly and confidently carries a cross in her right hand as if resting on it. The straight folds of her cloak, flowing down to the ground, make her figure solid and firm. Her head is crowned. Her gaze is cast into the distance. The figure of the synagogue holds to her body a spear broken in several places. The bend of the figure repeats the broken line. Scrolls fall out of her left hand. Her head is downcast. Her eyes are blindfolded, a symbol of spiritual darkness.
  1. The next phase of Judaism's retreat from Biblical monotheism was the rise and expansion among the Jews of Kabbalah (in Hebrew qabbalah means acceptance or tradition) of mystical teachings and practices. This esoteric theosophical teaching is in spirit and letter absolutely foreign to the Holy Scripture. Two books initiate an exposition of Kabbalah: Sefer Yetzirah (the Book of Creation) and Zohar (Splendor of Radiance). The former was likely written in the sixth and seventh centuries B.C. Confirmation by the Kabbalists themselves of the existence of Sefer Yetzirah already during the time of patriarch Abraham is absolutely mythical and has no evidence. On the contrary, the presence in these books of philosophical ideas of late antiquity, such as Gnosticism, Neoplatonism, and others, completely refutes this view. The author of Zohar is believed to be the Spanish Kabbalist Moshe (Moses) de Leon. It was written in approximately 1300 A.D. The desire of modern Kabbalists to make the author of Zohar the disciple of rabbi Akiva Shimon Bar Yochai (Laitman, M. The Book of Zohar. M., 2003. p. 185)[2] , who lived in the second century A.D., contradicts the view of experts. "The Aramaic language of all eighteen of these sections is throughout the same, and throughout it displays the same individual peculiarities. This is all the more important because it is not in any sense a living language which Simeon ben Yohai and his colleagues in the first half of the second century A.D. in Palestine might have conceivably spoken. The Aramaic of the Zohar is a purely artificial affair, a literary language employed by a writer who obviously knew no other Aramaic than that of certain Jewish literary documents, and who fashioned his own style in accordance with definite subjective criteria. The expectation expressed by some scholars that philological investigation would reveal the older strata of the Zohar has not been borne out by actual research. Throughout these writings, the spirit of mediaeval Hebrew, specifically the Hebrew of the thirteenth century, is transparent behind the Aramaic facade" (Scholem, G. (1954). Major Trends in Jewish Mysticism. p. 163).[3]
Kabbalah is divided into the contemplative (Kabbalah Iyunit) and practical (Kabbalah Maasit). The central aspect of the Kabbalah is Ein Sof (The Infinite). In contrast to the God of the Holy Scriptures, Ein Sof has no name because he is without person, unknowable, and incomprehensible. No attributes can be ascribed to him. Ein Sof makes himself known in his manifestations (not to all, but to Jewish mystics). Ein Sof's chief manifestation is the original man, Adam Kadmon. Through his emanations (flows) the ten sefirot come into being, which are the attributes of God. Ten sefirot represent the mystical body of Adam Kadmon (heavenly Adam). He appears as a result of emanation and has no image or form. The earthly Adam was created in the image of heavenly Adam. The tenth sefirot is called "the Kingdom" or Malkuth. It unites all ten sefirot. In Zohar, Malkuth—or Kingdom—denotes how the Knesset (assembly) of Israel is a mystical prototype of the House of Israel (Shekhinah). In The Dialectics of Myth (XIV. 3), Aleksei Losev writes, “As a very well-educated Jew and great expert of Kabbalistic and Talmudic literature (from which I, with the nasty habits of a European observer, sought to learn exclusively about the Neoplatonic influences in Kabbalah) told me, the essence of all Kabbalah does not at all consist in pantheism, as liberal scholars think, who compare the doctrine of Ein Sof and the Sephirot with Neo-Platonism, but rather with pan-Israelitism: the Kabbalistic God needs Israel for His own salvation, He was incarnated in Israel and became it. Therefore the myth of the world domination by a deified Israel, which is forever contained in God.”
Kabbalists have established a correspondence among the different sefirot with parts of the human body. Becoming familiar with this primitive mythological arrangement of the structure of the universe, it becomes difficult to ignore the question that Kabbalists themselves do not ask: What is the source of this "knowledge"? How does one manage to conclude that the sefirot of the Crown (Keter) is the brow, the Tiferet is the chest, Victory (Netzach) and Majesty (Hod) is man's hip?
The esoteric teachings of Sefer Yetzirah and the Zohar are fundamentally incompatible with the biblical teaching on God, the world, man, and humanity's path to salvation. Contemplative Kabbalah represents a combination of elements of Gnosticism of the second and third centuries A.D. and Neo-Platonism. From the Gnostics, it borrows the teaching of the 10 eons, which comprise the pleroma (universal fullness). Dualism is the link between Gnostics and Kabbalists; the idea of eternal enmity began with good (light) and evil (darkness). Kabbalah's dualistic world view finds a direct expression in Sefer Yetzirah: "Also Elohim made every object, one opposite the other: good opposite evil, evil opposite good, good from good, evil from evil, the good delineates the evil and the evil delineates the good, good is kept for the good and evil is kept for the evil.” It is evident that the teaching, which ascribes evil an ontological status, leads to the justification of evil. In contrast, according to the Holy Scripture, evil was not created by God, but arose as a result of the abuse of the gift of freedom given by God to his creatures, Angels and mankind.
Kabbalistic teaching is an obvious expression of pantheism, a complete retreat from monotheism. God and the world are understood as one complete whole. The world is only a manifestation of God. Pantheism is fraught with internal contradictions. Its logical consequence is inevitably first the derogation of God, and next, denial of him, because all of the world's imperfections are attributed to him.
Kabbalists divide the world into male and female elements. The right and left spheres are respectively male and female. The world is presented as a loving union, as the unification of male and female elements. The relationship between the spheres is interpreted with the help of gender symbolism.
Kabbalah presents itself as a fantastical mix of esoteric occultism, blended with pagan religious and philosophical ideas. It attests to a complete regression from the great and saving teachings of the Bible with its deep and sustained monotheism.
Hieromonk Job (Gumerov)
[1] This appears not to be a direct quote from Tract Sabbath, but commentary based on Tract Sabbath: http://www.evrey.com/sitep/talm/index.php3?trkt=shabbat&menu=19. —Trans.
[2] This cite may not be accurate to the English version. —Trans.
[3] Page number may not be accurate to English version.—Trans.
submitted by Yurii_S_Kh to SophiaWisdomOfGod [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 19:25 Omegarus211 Ragnarok: Second Coming - Chapter 6

Ragnarok: Second Coming - Chapter 6
Chapter 6 – {Awakening}
“What a sudden turn of events! Camulus has undergone a startling transformation, and has now suddenly gained the advantage! Can Henry come back from this? Or will Camulus crush him like the unstoppable force he has now seem to have become.”
“What are we gonna’ do nowwwwww?” Goll whined, tears streaming down her face as she shelled up on the floor.
Arthur looked at her sympathetically, as if he were a dad looking at his crying daughter. Kneeling down, he placed a hand on her shoulder and rubbed gently, trying to rouse her from her worry. “There, there, the fight is not over yet.” Arthur assured her softly.
Snapping up into a sitting position, she grabbed a hold of whatever cloth she could get her hands on and began to shake Arthur as hard as she could. With tear now of anger rather than sadness, she began to shout at him. “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, “The fights not over yet”? HE'S JUST TAKEN ON A STRONGER FORM, AND HENRY CAN BARELY KEEP UP WITH HIM AT HIS BASE LEVEL! HOW THE HELL DO YOU SUGGEST THEY GET OUT OF THIS ONE?!”
He tried to get out a response as he shook back and forth wildly, “Just-keep-wa-tching-the-ma-tch.”

As Goll had a meltdown up in the stands, Henry was struggling to stand on the field. His left arm had been rendered little more than a clump of bruised flesh and powdered bone, the mangled limb twisted at a truly sickening angle. The rest of his exposed form was bruised, bloodied and battered, micro cuts crisscrossed his frame alongside deeper gashes and rents in his flesh from the many blows he had endured over the course of the fight. And now he stood, staring up at his opponent, stronger than ever, like a stone wall, waiting for Henry to shatter himself on his now indomitable stature.
And yet, the light still burned in Henry’s mind. Like an everlasting flame, the spark of warmth, of passion and determination still burned in Henry’s soul. He would see this fight through, no matter the odds stacked against him, or the forces that sought to block his path, he would endure. It did not matter to him that one of his arms had been mangled. The god could have a leg, if they wanted, perhaps even both. As long as he could raise his sword, he could still fight. And if he could fight, he could win.
All it would take, is one good shot.
“I would advise you to surrender now. Perhaps they’ll let you keep your life.” Camulus suggested, a deep grimace on his face.
Planting his sword in the cracks of the stone, Henry propped himself up on the blade, his muscle screaming for release, yet he could not stop. He strained to smile, his eyes bleary as he looked at his adversary. “I’m sorry,” he declared, pride creeping into his voice, “but a King bows to no one, not mortal, and since the gods show themselves cruel and fickle, not even them. As a leader, I would be a disgrace if I chose any path other than battle.”
Camulus processed his opponent’s words for a second, then a toothy grin stretched on his face, one of pride and excitement, but more worryingly, one of sheer bloodlust, “Then we’re of the same mind.”
Camulus’ image blurred as he seemed to vanish into thin air. Confusion didn’t even have time to set in, as the god’s fist smashed into the plate of armour protecting Henry torso just below the sternum. The shock wave of the blow boomed throughout the stadium. Henry heaved as the hit knocked him away, but before he could go very far, a nanosecond after the punch, the sole of Camulus’ foot slammed into Henry’s face brutalizing his nose and adding more momentum in addition to the punch, sending him clear across the ring, crashing into the walls and the arena.
Henry hacked up a glob of blood as his head spun for the 1-2 combo of devastation. Camulus sauntered toward Henry as if he were taking a stroll through the fields. The image vanished, before appearing directly above Henry in an instant. A wicked grin near split Camulus’ face as he began to hammer down on Henry’s form. All Henry could do was shell up in hopes to stave off the onslaught. The blows came in a million a second, embedding him deeper into the stone as the armour continued to crumple under the pressure.

“It seems Camulus has this battle won.” Andrasta commented, her tone pointedly neutral.
“Yes, but at what cost?” Cnabetius answered, his voice wavering as he was on the verge of tears.
“The little one is right,” Caturix answered, “that form may give him great physical might, but it comes at the cost of a deteriorating mental state.”
Lugh spoke up. “And you would know about this?” he prodded, trying to get more information out of the Battle King.
Caturix’s jaw clenched as he watched the fight intently, his mind and body on edge from the brutal display

Swinging his arm wide, he dug his arm into the arena and dragged it through the stone, palming the side of his opponent’s head and sending them flying through the air, before quickly crashing into the ground with a sickening thud.
Seeing his fallen foe splayed across the ground, Camulus crouched down and tensed, as if he were an apex predator waiting for the right moment to strike his prey. Henry, meanwhile, was struggling to breathe after the bombardment of blows. He heaved as he struggled to rise to his feet, the misshapen armour now digging into his body at odd angles. His knees were shaking as the struggled to rise to his feet.
In an instant, his adversary was again upon him, battering with every kind of blow at every angle one could think of. Punches, kick, elbows, knees, chops, Camulus even made use of the spikes and blades on his knuckledusters, raking and slashing them across any exposed flesh he could see. Henry struggled to withstand the hail of blows, each hits threatening to knock him over. He couldn’t dodge the assault, he could barely block or even see the hits. The sheer speed and ferocity of the onslaught made it nigh impossible to even find an opportunity to counter, let alone pull it off successfully.
Camulus began to laugh uproariously, seemingly enjoying the punishment he was inflicting upon his prey, almost relishing in the game of life and death. Each blow forced Henry back, his will struggling to keep him from being knocked clean off his feet.
A punch smashed into Henry’s stomach, making Henry wretch as he struggled to keep his stomach contents from being violently forced from his body. An instant later, an upper cut hammered into his jaw with the might of a catapult, launching his body high into the air. Henry’s head wrung like a gong as not even a moment later, Camulus was directly above him. Henry tried to raise his sword to strike at his foe, but he found it kicked away as Camulus began to spin, gaining momentum as he prepared to strike his opponent down. As his fists came down, for just a moment, the metals shone like diamonds in the sunlight.
[Colchester Crash]
This time, there was no defence, no counter to the blow. It connected squarely into Henry’s chest, as the blow slammed down both combatants like a meteor. The ground was blasted to pieces as small rock were smashed to dust in the wind, and largerocks sent flying in every direction. The building seemed to be cracking apart, sending both god and man alike into a panic as they rushed to either escape or stop the damage from becoming worse. The sound boomed throughout the entire Realm as the dust settled into a thick cloud that covered the arena.
Several moments passed as the cloud slowly died away to reveal the carnage. What ever hadn’t been destroyed before the impact as certainly pulverised now. The floor was a mess, rock jutting up from the earth at random intervals, as if they were whales breaching the surface of the sea. Cracks like spider webs sectioned the ground, transforming the terrain into a grid of madness.
It was from that chaos one of the combatants forced themselves into the light. The rocks moved and shifted, giving way to reveal Camulus almost completely unharmed.
Physically, at least.
Mentally it was clear that something was not right. His eyes were red deeply bloodshot and demented, his grin splitting his face as his teeth slowly grinded together. If his sanity hadn’t fled him before, it was certainly gone now.

“Uh, guys”, Cnabetius stammered, “I don’t like that look he has.”
“It’s quite worrisome.” Andrasta replied, a slight warble in her voice from fear.
“Most worrisome.” Lugh added.
Meanwhile, Caturix began to shake, the pace of his breath increasing steadily as he took in the sight, his worst nightmare come back to haunt him. ‘Dammit, I knew this would happen, I knew that if that form was released it would be the end for all of us.’

He remembered that day as if he were living it. The day when the true God of War was decided.
The great battles of unification had taken millennia, dozens, if not hundred of God’s staking their claim as the one true God of War. It was an intense and bloody affair, but at the end, it had come down to two men, two unbroken warriors; The Battle King, Caturix and the Untameable Flame, Camulus. It had been a battle that had been brewing for centuries, and in Caturix’s mind, it did not disappoint.
For days, the two warred, battering each other bloody with everything they had in their arsenal.
[Magh Ithe]
https://preview.redd.it/0r71zysrx71d1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=70dfb70dbc3ab6c98510e84bdf98f1576ee27fde
[Cicollui Clothesline]
https://preview.redd.it/pijyzwkiz71d1.png?width=4096&format=png&auto=webp&s=2ac76f796bdb6a771ae5610b9d04cad53d6a266a
[Helvetii]
https://preview.redd.it/20lqcvwjz71d1.png?width=4096&format=png&auto=webp&s=b61ff27d99b8dbfc33cbe1a5f4d86ab91cb94478
Caturix hit Camulus with every attack in his arsenal, yet the kid refused to fall, refused to yield. Instead, the young God only used each blow as motivation to hit back harder
[Colchester Crash]
https://preview.redd.it/ctfzhvxzx71d1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=69fe9294178bdd12e42c8ebec7681c8076beeaf8
[Gae Pretannia]
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[Sacred Fire]
https://preview.redd.it/rudzl0z8z71d1.png?width=4096&format=png&auto=webp&s=6660480e1a6b17f44936e9c2ad18be239d1e433b
Blow after blow, each stronger than the last. But just as Camulus refused to fall, neither did Caturix. Even [Across the Channel], professed by many to be the knockout blow against him was not actually enough to drop him, not on it’s own. In fact, as the battle drew to it’s close, it seemed as if Caturix was finally beginning to get the better of his rival.
He hit another [Magh Ithe] flush into Camulus’s chest. How many he had hit at that point was lost to Caturix, he lost count after 36. But this time, after so much punishment, Camulus finally looked as if he was about to drop.
‘Just one more.’ Caturix thought tiredly, yet hopefully to himself. ‘Just one more hit, and he might finally go down’.
Caturix moved in, charging up a final blow, ready to finally put an end to this.
“Eat this! [Europa: Overlord]”
He launched the move with full might. The mere force of the group rending it asunder.
Only to find a fist connecting squarely with his jaw.
Now, Caturix had endured the feeling of a punch countless of his millennia of combat. He had endured countless punches in this fight alone. So it it is all the more notable that this punches, out of the uncountable masses, was the one he recognised about all others. He remembered it for one simple reason. Never before, and never since , had any one blow struck him as hard as that one punch.
At that moment, Caturix knew one painful, and consuming truth. He was going to lose.
The Camulus struck with [Across the Channel].
Whilst the first one had been impactful, this second flurry carried with it far greater speed and power, too great for even the battle king to withstand. It was as if Camulus had gathered a second wind, twice as strong as before. The final blow smashed into Caturix’s temple, sending his brain spinning through several dimensions as the battle king, after so long, finally fell.
Camulus was the victor. Yet he did not stop.
Instead, Camulus leapt upon his foe with ferocity, like a rabid animal tearing at a carcass. He began to pummel the battle king mercilessly, wanting his pound of flesh from his opponent. It was here, up close, that Caturix could see the change his opponent underwent, the strange blue markings that were spread across his body like war paint, and his deeply bloodshot eyes. The beating was relentless, as the new monster sought to punish Caturix for daring to challenge it.
He knew he had to do something to seal this monster that had been unleashed from with Camulus’ soul, lest he rampage throughout the Realm.
[Sheathing of the Blade]
Caturix stabbed into Camulus at specific spots with the spikes on his gauntlets, finding the vital points where energy was drawn from, and sealing them. He would not know whether it worked in the moment, as he passed out a second later. It would only be when he awoke days later, did he find out his success.
It would be the first and last time he would fight Camulus for the top. Not because he saw himself as lesser, but because he did not want to risk unleashing that terror again

And now, that terror was staring him in the face once again.
He could see that same all-consuming desire for blood and destruction. He tensed preparing to fight the one thing that put fear into his heart.
He was bought out of his thought by a loud WHAM that shook the stadium as Thor rose to his feet. The God of Thunder stared down at his one challenger, ready for that long awaited rematch.
“Ah, w-well...” Heimdall stuttered, still feeling from the chaos that had just occurred, “It would appear that the winner of Round 1 is...”
Camulus’ Attention was now laser focused on Thor, tensing as he prepared to leap towards a new opponent.
“The Celtic God of War...”
Ready, set-
“Camu-”
A breath could be heard from the rubble.
It was a quiet, rasping breath, yet it could be heard with clarity across the entire stadium. Everyone froze as they realised where that breath came from. The rocks shifted as out from the rubble emerged the battered, but still living form of Henry V.
“Damn, that was too close for comfort!” Lancelot huffed, still trying to get his wits about him, “You almost got pasted there, and that means we both would have died, you damn fool. Not like that matters much now...”
Camulus’ head turned to regard the bloodied king, salivating with demented glee, ready for the continued brutality.
“Since we’re gonna be dead in a few seconds regardless.”
As Henry lay there, broken and bloodied, he could hear voices from the audience.

“HENRY!” his father yelled, “Don’t you give up now, boy! You are the best of all of us! Show that god what's what?”
“Let that god know the might of the English!” Henry VII shouted.
“Show them what a real warrior can do!” Richard Lionheart roared.
“C’Mon dad, you can do this” Henry VI cheered.
Hotspur stepped forward, gathering his breath before screaming to the Heavens, “MONMOUTH! What do want to do?! What is your one true desire?!”

“To win, my way.”
Pushing off his good arm, he strained to sit up, collecting his breath as he did so. “Never surrender, never retreat.”
“Oh sure,” Lancelot responded, the sarcasm layered on very thick, “and how exactly are we supposed to do that.”
Henry slowly stood, carefully balancing his weight between the sword and his weary legs. “There is one thing we can do... just one.”
https://preview.redd.it/30opimuez71d1.png?width=4096&format=png&auto=webp&s=8725c7ced4d0cd872401fed592c0d97a92102b10
Closing his eyes, he focused deeply, bringing out every thought every emotion he had ever had, then let all of them flow from his mind. He let complete and total calm take hold in that moment. There was no emotion, there was no doubt or second guessing, there was only truth. Absolute, irrevocable truth. The deepest instinct, the greatest of them all.
“[Royal instinct]”
Less than a second later, Camulus had leapt to within striking distance, ready to end his foe. But whereas Henry was completely overwhelmed before, now his clarity was absolute. He knew exact what would happen, how each and every muscle within Camulus’ body would move before they even did so. Henry knew what Camulus’ second move would be before he even began his first.
Camulus shot out with a wild punch, which the more focused Henry deflected with ease. If he had use of his other arm, he may have even followed up with a punch of his own. Instead, he simply let Camulus’ momentum work against him.
The god overshot, and was sent crashing into the ground a few times before slamming into the wall.
As the crowd looked on in shock at what had just happened, they turned to look at the man who had done it. He had change, it was clear to see for all through the change on his eyes, once filled with brown tones, now a crystalline, pale silver. The sword had morphed to reflect this new state, reflecting the mind of a king. Whatever this was, it had shifted the tide of battle yet again.
https://preview.redd.it/i40thhpcz71d1.png?width=4096&format=png&auto=webp&s=8e2d91981867bbda4480edf1c3da008a9146e66a
“Damn! What is this?!” Lancelot cried, “I feel my head is full of everything and nothing at the same time!”
“[Royal Instinct]! A fine tuning of the instincts within all of us. By using this we, can reject all unnecessary thoughts and information, both new and old, as well as higher awareness and clarity of vital information. On the absolute truth of the situation will be known to us, truth we’ll know before the lie can even be made.”
Camulus soon broke his way free from the rock and charged. He leapt forward again, this time with an elbow, again deflected. Again, Camulus skid across the rocks for several metres, but this time, he was able to right himself and charge in again. But again, the resulting attack was deflected.
This repeated several more times, each attack and recovery was faster than the last. But Henry parried them all with perfect clarity, as he bided his time for the perfect moment.
After another parry, Camulus righted himself and prepared the blast into Henry at full speed, all thought of technique gone from the raving gods mind. Henry readied his blade for his own strike.
The mere tap of Camulus’ foot sent shock waves through the ground as he rocketed forward and max speed. But Henry was undeterred. Swiftly parrying the blow, he brought his arm in and then swung out. The pommel connected directly with Camulus’ temple, sending the force of the impact through his head, almost seeming to paralyse the god, as he crashed and skidded across the ground limply.
For the first time since the transformation occurred, Henry had seized the advantage.

‘Where the hell am I?’ was Camulus’ first weary thought after being shocked back to sanity.
‘Ohhh fuck, my head hurts worse than that time me and Cna went drinking at the place the humans called Mamucium.’
Taking a moment to clear the thunderstorm in his head, he scanned over the decimated arena, his dizziness turning to confusion. ‘OK seriously, what the hell happened here?’
Pushing himself from the rubble, he survey the situation, trying to understand what was going on. Then suddenly, his skull felt as if it was about to burst, and his eyes swan with illusions and distortions of reality, hearing voices whispering behind his ears. Camulus clutched at his head, forcing the thoughts down. After a minute of excruciating pain, he finally returned to reality.
'Dammit, what's going on with me? Focus! You have a fight to win!'
“Damn, we might have knocked him out cold. I’m loath to say it, but I think you were right, we may have a chance after all.” Lancelot commented, almost in awe of the current situation.
Henry chuckled, “Wouldn’t have figured you to be one to admit when you were wrong.”
Lancelot froze for a moment, before scoffing at Henry’s comment, “Just because you were right doesn’t mean I was wrong, jackass!”
For a moment, Henry laughed at Lancelot’s Haughtiness, before that cheer was replaced by boiling pain, as he dropped to a knee. Lancelot was confused for a moment, before he felt a warm liquid pour from his eyes. As he dabbed at his eyes, he saw the crimson colouration that quickly gave away what that liquid was.
Blood.
“What the hell is this? What’s going on?!”
Henry stammered as he spoke, still trying to get his wits about him. “A-ah yes, t-here is a cost t-to using the form.”
https://preview.redd.it/bzcy3g8vz71d1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=a7682905a9a922d062639ce0d01afe3c1fff92e6
“And what would that be?!”
“Working the mind at such an acute level can result in overload if stressed too hard, or used too long. I’ve been used to using against humans...”
“...and you just now used it against a god.” Lancelot finish.
“Y-yes”
“Jesus Christ,” Lancelot mumbled, “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!” he them screamed.
“I’ve made peace with the fact that even if I win, I likely won’t live much longer anyway. So right now, in this moment, I don’t care how much damage I do to myself, or how much time I have left is eaten away. As long as I have enough to win this fight, long enough to bring humanity, and the people I care for, one step closer to salvation, it matters not.”
Both Camulus and Henry stood, readying their guard, their bodies battered and bruised, yet their spirits unbroken, they both knew one thing. Win or lose, this fight was nearing its end.
submitted by Omegarus211 to ShuumatsuNoValkyrie [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 19:13 CatherineL1031 The Beginning of my Descent [Lorepost Part 3]

The Beginning of my Descent [Lorepost Part 3]
Hello again everyone, I’ve decided to put the baking tips here this time. This is one that has been a huge help for me when it comes to cutting cakes. It’s much easier and cleaner to cut a cake when it’s been chilled for a few hours. So, once your cake has baked and firmed up in the pan (about 15-20 minutes, you want to make sure it’s set but still slightly malleable), take it out, let it come to room temperature, and then cover with foil or plastic or something to prevent it from drying in the fridge. Let it cook for a few hours to finish solidifying, and then cut. Also, if you have the means, a sheet cake cooks and cools a lot faster and more evenly and a cutter can be used to make perfect even circles.
Now, it’s a bit strange to start with the baking tips, I know. But, those are saved as a reward for making your way through my ramblings about youth and glory and adventures. This time, I wanted to put it here as a sort of apology for what’s to come. The last two stories have been very positive, very upbeat, very fun. However, the next century of my life I’m about to share with you all…
I wouldn’t blame any of you if you looked at me differently, I’ll just say that.
I’ll stop beating around the bush, and get right to the point.
So, my immortality was secure, I’d have my perfect body for as long as time existed or until I was killed by a stronger, more capable opponent. I had a good group of friends who knew they could depend on me whenever they needed help with something, and I got to kick the ass of a lich! I had accomplished so much in just over 100 years of life, and now I had a supposedly infinite amount of it to spare if I played my cards right! I felt unstoppable, and wanted to help others like I had helped my companions.
I became a mercenary, a witch for hire for adventures that might be too dangerous for parties. I stopped lying about my strengths, making sure it was known I held Master rank in two magic fields. Most people do not like to play the role of support, and it’s never a bad idea to have extra healing, so I started to hone my craft in Healing and Protection magic as well. I was a force to be reckoned with, and I would make sure the world knew it!
I had wished to continue adventuring with my previous companions, but each of them had decided to take their own path in life. Har decided to take a more involved approach with his church, Ralin returned home to overtake her brother as chief of her clan, and Vex was heading back to the mountains to further hone her building expertise and learn to become an artificer for enchanting! It was sad parting ways, we had been together for such a short time but we had accomplished something so impressive! Oh well, that’s life, you know? I made them promise to keep in touch, and we did for the most part! Har became a bit hard to reach at times due to moving around, so it was always a treat to see him when I could.
Anyways, I soon began to gain some fame. I was a topic of conversation now who had been promoted to expert in the matter of a month after I helped some newbies on their quests. I was someone who everyone knew was dependable and talented. Best of all, I was a cutie, and everyone loves to have a cute witch on their team!
I had all but abandoned my previous life’s calling in favor of glory seeking, which is something I still look back on with regret. I was becoming more selfish, more focused on building myself up instead of using my powers for the good of those who might not be able to ever have access to these powers. The Phoenix Rebirth had become a popular spell among us in the community, though, so people were still getting help. I had published it free to all magic shops, all magical teachers, even sent the entire process and methods for casting it through the OrbNet before I left to go on my mission to fight the lich. I just wanted to be sure it was in the world, pending the potential worst. It was at a huge loss, but it has now become the platform by which a lot of Gender spells are cast, so it was all worth it.
My time as an adventurer was amazing, I met so many cool people, fought so many horrifying and awesome beasts, even got to kiss a dragon! They don’t have lips, so it’s not the best kiss, but it’s still something worth bragging about. I felt so good helping people in a different way, and I was becoming more and more popular through the years. I was now Catherine, Lady of Flames, Master of Forms, a stable in the adventuring party call list. It felt amazing.
The excitement lasted for about 15 years of being called to help on missions, but then it was quickly soured after a single mission. Nobody mentions this, but once you become a powerful enough fighter, you start to garner the attention of those in need of protecting. This is definitely not a bad thing, especially when it is someone who is in genuine need of it, but that is not usually the case. Particularly, you garner the attention of the wealthy, who believe all problems can be solved with money. I would liken them to devils or demons, but that isn’t fair to them…devils and demons at least have codes they follow.
Anyways, one such noble approached me. Well, not actually her, one of the elves she had employed in her service. Her name was Duchess Cordelia, Lady of Farlon, Heir to the Rose Throne, Daughter of Zavier Goradel and Collector of Fine Arts. Yes, she made you say each one of those every time you addressed her, and in the correct order. She was…there’s a word I don’t like to use to describe her, a word that to me is very offensive but to others means nothing. I’m sure you can guess the word of which I speak, I simply refuse to say it outloud. She was, though, and a massive one at that.
She had called upon me after an omen in the sky had warned her of an invasion by some of the forces of hell. It was something we all saw, and while it was a terrifying experience, I’m not going to pretend it wasn’t the coolest and most spectacular shit I had ever seen. Whoever had cast it had placed some illusion magic to make the sun look like a flaming skull that called specifically her and her family out. I still remember what it said because it was just that cool.
‘Cordelia, Zavier, Helena…you have toyed with forces beyond your control, and for that you will be punished…My legions will march on your town, turning it and everything your pathetic hands have dared to touch into naught but a fine ash. You cannot stop me. You cannot persuade me. You cannot survive…’ and then it was over, the sun was back to normal. Fucking baller move, right? That’s how you threaten some assholes’ life!
So, I was called, along with Magnus Haradel and Desdamona Torres. Magnus was another high ranking member of the guild, an older Drow chap who still remains the most talented sword wielder I’d ever seen. His white hair was always tied into a neat bun, and he dressed simply. His armor was enchanted, but looked similar to any generic armor you could buy. He held a very respectable air about him, a sense of power that told anyone he could easily defeat them, but a calming sense that assured them he would only do it if he was threatened.
Mona was an alchemist who concocted and brewed the strangest potions I had ever seen. Some of them would cause an opponent to explode, some would freeze them in place, some when opened and poured onto the ground summoned these giant venus fly-trap looking creatures with razor sharp teeth that would devour whatever she commanded. She was a half-goblin, parents being a full goblin and an elf. Their genes worked together very well, because Mona herself was truly stunning. She has black hair, lime green skin, and wore a long back robe that flowed down her slender body. More impressive, however, was that she was Archmage levels in her Alchemical field, the highest one could get back in the day.
It was our job to protect Cordelia and her parents, Zavier and Helena. They would not share any information with us about what they had done, how it had pissed something off, or what to expect, but they did tell us we’d be ‘handsomely compensated should you survive’. Assholes…we needed information to do our job! Holes in information leads to holes in strategy, holes in strategy leads to unnecessary risk, and unnecessary risk leads to uncertainty and potential death! Ugh, whatever, it was just one job, then hopefully we’d never have to deal with them again and they’d descend into obscurity.
So, the job was set. Magnus, Mona and I got better acquainted with each other and started to plan our defensive means and offensive responses. We had no idea what we were facing, how many it would be, where it would be coming from, or when! We had one of the five answers we desperately needed, so we had to do the best we could. Magnus suggested we employ the help of additional adventurers; clerics, paladins and the like who are good at protecting and supporting. Their job would be to round up the town to a safe location and watch over them until one of us gave the all clear. Mona and I agreed, and I decided to spread the word that the people needed to be taken to safety and guarded until whatever was going to happen had happened; he did threaten the entire population, so better to be safe.
Mona started to lay a protective parameter around the Goradel mansion in the form of explosive concoctions that seeped into the ground and bottles of Acid Arrow that, when broken, would attack the nearest hostile creature. She had also managed to brew a few potions of invisibility for the townsfolk, given the guards potions of strength, mana regeneration, health regeneration and spell boosting, and gave herself, myself and Magnus potions of regeneration, potions of Free Casting (basically downing one allows you just have a reserve of mana to pull from without worry), and potions of Iron Skin that would give us amazing defense without slowing us down. She was a really, really talented Alchemist, even crazier was that she was only 30, very young for a half-elf/half-goblin. She definitely had a gift.
I, meanwhile, decided to try something new. I had been toying around with a few things in my off-time, and with my knowledge of Shifting Magics I decided to try out something that could prove beneficial. I had come across many beasts in my time, some of them easy to understand and study, others so wildly complicated that it took me years of dissecting, studying and charting to get a solid understanding of what the hell was going on internally. I had taken some lessons from Grandmaster and Archmage Shifter’s who were willing to teach, and with enough practice I was finally able to harness the form of other, less common creatures! I had mastered the standard offensive animal forms like tiger, wolf, bear and eagle, but didn’t know how dangerous our targets were going to be, so I decided that we needed to go hard, fast, and leave no possible room for error.
I downed the two bottles of Free Casting that Mona has brewed, and began my shift. I had again mixed my Phoenix Rebirth with these form changes, so the only pain I was receiving was to my mana pools. However, thanks to Mona’s amazing abilities, I was able to shift without trouble!
I got down on all fours, and soon my size began to expand. My teeth turned from their normal human color to a stained and dark brown. My face started to extend forward into a muzzle, my teeth being replaced by sharp, deadly fangs. My canines extended further than the rest, creating a deadly row of fangs. My lips retracted back, and my face began to turn scaly and red as my face became more and more canine. The only thing unchanged on my face was my eyes, as they were my Keepsake (many Shifters have a certain aspect of themselves they keep permanent, no matter what, to remind themselves of their true form).
The scales continued down, a large, fleshy tail sprouting from my back and extending out. From snout to tail, I was now 30 feet in size, but I was not yet finished. The scales extended down my whole body, but they looked more like regular sinew and flesh as my body was covered in a protective coat of blood red scales. My legs began to crack and bend as muscle appeared to support my now larger weight and size, and my toes extended a double set of claws on each foot. The form was complete, now for one final touch.
All across my red tail, bones began to jut out like my sharpened fangs, covering it from my hindquarters to the very tip of my tail. It was definitely an easy target should something decide to attack my tail, but the shards and spikes allowed me to slice through weaker enemies that dare to try. Even better, I could slam my tail against the ground to loosen some of the shards and fling them towards my target. I was a true beast, an imperfect dragon known as a fanged drake. While not near as strong as a true dragon, I had seen first-hand the damage and strength they possess, and now it was all mine. Magic was a bit harder to cast in this form, but I still had access to Apprentice level Pyromancy and some support spells like Enhance Speed, Feather Fall and Enhance Ability.
The stage was set, we were ready to fight whatever came our way. Magnus had enchanted his greatsword with every enchantment he could cast without overloading it, Mona held potions in her hands, and I stood at the front, smoke coming from my body as I waited. We were ready, we were going to defend these poor villagers and the shitty people who barely even gave a shit about their safety!
We waited, and waited, and waited. Seems I had used my change too early, and turning back would just be a waste of mana, so I decided to travel into town and help with carrying or leading others to safety. I had modified the vocal cords of this beast to be more in-line with standard humanoid ones, so it allowed me to speak. It was just not very fun, given my voice was incredibly gruff and deep due to the creature's size. I ran to the guards, my now muscular legs allowing me to jump great distances, my long claws able to help me climb with relative ease. It didn't take long to find the groups and their protectors as they were leaving town.
I jumped down to check and make sure everything was okay, and even got to meet Har again! He looked so much more mature, his black hair and green eyes showing a bit of age, but it seemed he was happy. We used a few minutes of walking time to catch up, and I got to hear all about his journey.
After our mission, he made it his job to find undead who had been driven mad, and help them see the light again. He had seen many undead who had been brought back against their will, and many who suffered purely because they weren't allowed a choice in their rest being disturbed. He had helped them find peace, shown them the light of Theia, his goddess, and allowed them to return to their peaceful slumber in their designated afterlife. He had even married the cute man at the bar that I had convinced him to chat up, and they had a daughter named Athena! Apparently she was 7 years old and the sweetest thing, according to Har. I told him he better let me visit her once this was all over, and he happily accepted.
Our sweet reunion was cut short, however, as the clouds in the night sky started to swirl and gather. Once again we saw the decrepit and harrowing skull that we had seen yesterday appear again. Except, this time it didn't talk. It merely let out an ear-splitting screech that rattled your very soul. A few of the people were so terrified they had fainted, so I yelled at them to carry all they could, and run! Fast! They were quick to agree, those who could carry grabbing the unconscious and those from my back with haste so that I could rush back to the mansion.
I arrived right in the nick of time to see absolute hell spewing from the mouth of this skull. We heard horrid shrieks and cries of birds, the hissing roars of giant snakes, and the unholy screams of Abyssal Spiders.
The birds were like Corvids, but towering in height. They easily reached 30 feet in size, their beaks sharpened and rigged with teeth-like bumps running down the entirety of their beaks. Their eye sockets were sunken and shallow, small eyes giving off a haunting and piercing glow. Parts of their body showed their exposed, fleshy bodies underneath. Their skin was red, and covered with scars, exposed bone and sinew from what looked to be countless battles.
The snakes were unlike anything I've ever seen, they were black and blue striped, with arms and legs, and stood upright! They were not as tall as the Corvids, only measuring 15 feet tall, but they possessed a whip-like tail that flowed almost the same length as their bodies. Their mouths oozed a green venom that coated their fangs, and their necks were able to flare into hoods like a cobra.
Finally, were the spiders. Along with being giant, like the size of a Clydesdale giant, they possessed hundreds of eyes across their entire body. Their fangs dripped with venom, and thick hairs were present across their entire bodies. Each hair on their back was able to pierce skin and inject with the same poison in their fangs, and their webs were known to carry a necrotic slime that would eat away at skin.
We definitely had our work cut out for us, this horde of creatures was coming right for the Goradel residence and they were ready to kill anything and everything in their path. The crows rushed through, their massive size crushing smaller houses and easily breaking through larger ones that were in their way. The spiders simply crawled over them, leaving a trail of webs and venom in their wake, and the snakes…apparently their tails were going to be quite the problem, as not only were they long, they were sharp enough to slice trees, wildlife and building cleanly with just a single slice of the tail.
We were truly, without a doubt, up a fucking creek with this one.
We sprang into action as quickly as we could. We saw our foes pouring out, and our objective was simple protection of the village, her people, and the asshole nobles that caused all this. I ran right towards the spiders, knowing that they were the threat that could cause the most damage with their necrotic webs and flesh-melting venom. The smoke coming from my mouth started to turn black as I approached one of them, letting out a blast of fire from my mouth that quickly set it and its attempted web in flames. It shrieked as it skittered and writhed in pain, trying to attack me in retaliation. I was quick to slice one of its legs off with my claws, and sink my teeth into the back of its head. It gave a few more twitches and finally fell still.
I threw it to the side as I continued doing my best to draw them towards a common area, minimizing the potential risk of them running out of town and tracking down the other parties currently in hiding. It worked very well, as once they notice a threat, they will continue to attack! The problem was, it worked very well, and once they noticed a threat they would continue to attack until it died! The horde of spiders was gaining on me, all I could do was use some flames to burn the webs they attempted to ensnare me with and use my claws to slice any that came from the front. I was not doing well by any means, but I was now at least within sight of my companions.
My joy was quickly cut short as I felt a burning string of web wraps itself around my tail. I had gotten careless, and was definitely paying the price. If you’ve never been hit by necrosis, allow me to explain the feeling as best I can. Imagine a hot knife being thrust deeper and deeper into your body and feeling your cells, muscles, tendons and fat dying around it. Not just cut, or severed, dying with little chance to repair it without some heavy magic. If it goes around a vital part, like a shoulder, leg or neck, you will start to slowly feel yourself losing all feeling as it just falls. It’s a truly horrible experience, avoid it if you can.
This is to say, I was currently in for absolute hell as I felt this experience being run through the part of my tail that carries most of my projectile spikes. I could feel each tendon snapping, my skin burning away, and the discs of my now expended spine starting to crack and rip. I had to make a choice, fast. My desperation led me to only one single solution; I knew the tail had to go.
With a pained howl I raised my claws, and sliced clean through the tail on my back. I cannot explain how truly horrible of an experience this was, mostly because I think my mind has blocked it out to protect itself. It fell to the ground with a wet squelch, blood pouring out of the open wounds on my back. I sent a breath of flame onto the spider and his silk, and sent another onto my nubbed tail. Again, another experience I believe my mind has blocked out to protect itself!
Don’t get hit by necrosis, kids.
I ran to Mona, who was currently being swarmed by a group of Corvids, and offered my assistance. I was pissed, I was angry, and I wanted to kill! As one of them dived down, I jumped onto its chest and sunk my fangs directly into its neck. It let out a pained screech as I felt its blood fill my mouth, my claws wildly slashing at its chest through skin, flesh, bone, whatever I could scrap and slice, I did. I had truly let this creature’s feral nature take over my mind for the time being, but I did not give a damn, we needed to win.
The beast fell back to the ground, and I let out another challenging roar to the other beasts nearby. My claws and fangs erupted in flames as I continued to wildly attack the ones threatening Mona, knowing I needed to protect her as she concocted and threw brew after brew onto what she could. Magnus was doing absolutely amazing, without a doubt the best of us. He was handling the snakes by himself, expertly dodging and slashing at them each time they tried to grab him, bite him, slice with their tails, or trample him. He would wait for them to attack and in the blink of an eye, whatever they tried to attack him with would be gone. Heads, tails, legs and arms started to litter the ground near him as he showed absolute power and authority.
Mona, meanwhile, had been mixing something special while I distracted the snakes and corvids. Her alchemical traps had mostly been activated already, melted and bubbling piles of what were some of our enemies scattered through the warzone. She yelled at me to give her a boost, and I managed to snap free from my feral state. She held something in her hands I cannot even begin to describe. It was completely dark, but…empty. The energy that came from it was unlike anything I have ever seen since, it was like staring into the nothingness of space while being surrounded by it on all sides. She slammed it onto the ground, and the darkness surrounded her.
Flesh and feathers from the Corvids started to break from their destroyed and lifeless bodies, attaching itself to her back and clothes. One of their skulls burst into pieces as it flew towards her, reassembling itself onto her face in a makeshift mask. Their bones and talons began to collect into her hands, and within a matter of seconds she was holding a powerful, pulsating scythe. In that moment I saw something I truly hope to never see again. I saw death. The truest form of death was standing before me, and its energy chilled my very soul. I could feel the contempt the energy had for me, as if it knew I had extended my life outside of its natural reach.
She ordered me to come, and I knew I had to obey. I grabbed her with my fangs, and placed her onto my back. Her body was cold, I was terrified of what I saw before me, but so was everything else. I felt a hand rest onto my head, and I could feel…warmth. Mona reassured me that it was going to be okay, and pointed her scythe forward. I collected myself again, and sprinted towards our enemies.
Mona sliced and slashed them each with one clean swipe from that scythe, each of them falling dead in our path. I used my flames to burn any webs that had been placed, focusing on the ground while she focused on taking down these enemies with the grace and power of a god. As I saw this, I truly understood how far the gaps between Master and Archmage truly were when it came to the arcane arts. I still had so much to learn…
Our combo attacks came to a screeching halt, however, as we heard a pained scream from behind us. We both looked to where Magnus was, and we could see that he had been injured. One of the snakes had managed to sink its tail through his shoulder, and another currently had its fangs embedded into his side. We let out a scream as we charged towards them as they bit, stabbed, and slashed poor Magnus. I tackled one of the snakes off, sinking my burning fangs into its neck and ripping its head off in one solid motion. Mona jumped from my back, holding her hand out as she said…something, and the snake was turned to dust.
Magnus fell to the ground, howling in pain as he regained his footing. I cried out that he needed to be healed immediately, and begged Mona to throw him something from her belt. He paid me no mind, and just ran back into the fight. He was so badly injured, but that did not stop him for a second. He continued fighting as if nothing had happened, and we knew we had to do the same.
The fight lasted for hours, the hordes of enemies seeming endless. The town had been turned to rubble at this point, any signs of life save for the Goradel mansion had vanished from this now tarnished and barren land. As the sun rose on the next day, we saw the warzone in fresh light. Mona had returned to normal, her breathing short and labored as she laid on the ground. I had turned back to normal, wounds covering my body and in desperate need of healing, but I didn’t care. I saw Magnus sitting on the corpse of one of the Corvids, a cup of ale in his hand and blood pouring from him. I rushed to him, begging him to let me help him, but he just shook his head.
He took a long, slow sip of his ale, let out a deep sigh and motioned for me to sit with him. I got down as best I could, every instinct telling me to heal me, but he continued to refuse. Eventually he spoke as we stared at the sunset. ‘Catherine,’ he said to me, ‘everyone has a torch to burn. Some burn longer than others, and we don’t get to decide how long they burn…’ He leaned against his sword with a smile, taking one last sip of ale. I asked him what the hell he was talking about, but as I looked at him, I could tell…
He was gone…
The light had gone from his eyes, but that smile remained on his face. As I saw this, all I could do was cry. I had lost people before in my life, but I was always able to help the ones that could be helped from injuries! I just hugged him as I sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed. Even worse was having to heal Mona back to consciousness with the remainder of my magic and share the news with her. We cried together; we hadn’t known each other for more than a day, but we all held a deep respect for each other. Knowing that we had failed him and caused his demise, the town being destroyed, our barely achieved victory…none of it felt worth it in the end.
As we cried, we heard the doors to the Goradel manor open. Out stepped Zavier, Cordelia’s father. He looked at the scene, nodding as he saw our handiwork and commended us. ‘Weren’t there three of you?’ he asked as he looked at us with such lack of regard. ‘Magnus…he’s dead…’ Mona said as I helped her up, wiping the tears from her eyes. ‘Hm, pity…very well, would you like his share? We had already set aside 3 payments, we will split it between you both should you wish’. I still don’t know why what he said caused me such anger, but I could feel my blood boil. Our comrade that had been one of the best members of the guild, the one who had fought to defend his worthless ass, the reason he was standing here right now and not a pile of meat being devoured by beasts didn’t even give a shit that he was gone!
‘This isn’t fair’, I thought to myself, ‘we protected them and they are treating us like pawns!’ Mona could tell I was getting angry, so she answered that we’d take his share and have it sent to our accounts at once. She pulled me away from this pitiful excuse for a human, and I just screamed in anger. She told me that she agreed, that it wasn’t fair to Magnus, or us, or the people of this village, but that we couldn’t let his sacrifice be in vain. With his share of the cash and ours, we could afford to build a new settlement for the displaced of this village. She managed to talk me down from my anger, she was really talented like that. I took a few deep breaths, patted my cheeks, and nodded. It would be better to use the money for good in Magnus’ honor, all the stories I had heard of his exploits usually ended with him donating a large portion of his earnings to those affected by disasters such as this.
Mona left to inform the survivors that the victory had been achieved, but at the loss of Magnus. While she did that, however, I began to plan. I don’t know if it was the loss of a comrade, the pain still coursing through my body, the stress and trauma of what we had just gone through, but letting it go was not an option for me at this point. I knew I had to show these fuckers torment, I knew that they needed to pay for the callous disregard for anyone who wasn’t themselves. So, I gathered samples. I had a bag of holding on my side and began to stuff it with the bodies of our defeated enemies. The spiders had all been burned and crushed beyond study, but many of the Corvids and Serpents were still able to be studied and understood. Once I had my samples, I looked at Magnus with more tears.
I was going to avenge him, I was going to show these rich pieces of crap just how insignificant they were, and I was going to make sure they paid the price…
There was no way I could carry his body with my strength, he was far too bulky for me, so I used my magic to carry him. Even with my weakened state I couldn’t stop myself from giving him a proper burial. He deserved it, he deserved so much more than what he got. I summoned a shovel into my hands, and began to dig. I think I made it about 3 minutes of digging before my body finally gave up on me, and I fell. I don’t remember much of what happened after that, I guess I had passed out from exhaustion.
When I awoke, I heard Har’s voice calling to me. I was so tired, my body aching and burning in such pain as I tried to move every muscle I could. I looked up, and we were in a cemetery. I could see Magnus’ body laying in a now dug grave, dressed in his elegant but simple armor, eyes closed and mouth still holding that same smile as I had seen before. A ward of protection was currently being cast around his burial grounds, designating this land as sacred ground that could not be touched by any means. No necromancer could get to his body, and no thieves could rob him of his belongings. I was sitting next to a patched up and tired looking Mona, and we both just sobbed gently as we watched him being buried.
Hundreds had gathered to pay their respects, all of those that Magnus had saved, protected, worked with, allied, even some who I later came to learn saw him as a rival. All of them were paying their respects to this true paragon of an adventurer, and all I could think about was getting revenge for him…
Ah, sorry, I didn’t realize how long I had been sending through the OrbNet. It might be best to end this part of my life here for the time being. Thank you again for reading, if you managed to find an old witch’s story interesting. Once I work up the courage to share the next part with you all, I hope you will continue to view me in a positive light. You will hear things that…well, you’ll see. Thank you for your time, I love you all, my siblings in the arcane.
submitted by CatherineL1031 to wizardposting [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 15:25 Delicious-Cap8047 For not wanting my boyfriends kids at my house anymore

Ok I know how this sounds but hear me out! My (27f) boyfriend (27m) has two kids with his ex wife they are 3 and 1 and we have a newborn of our own. we do not live together and we are not married but he has been staying with me because he doesn't have a place to live right now.
Some important context, I HATE being touched I can only be touched by my baby girl and I have been able to tolerate my bf touching me but at moments I will ask him not to touch me. I also have a terrible immune system I get sick in an instant and I have crazy anxiety about my newborn I’m terrified about everything when it comes to her.
so 2 weeks ago he had them for his weekend and he asked if they could stay at my house since he has nowhere to go and ofc I said yes because I know how much he misses them and because my mom was taking my newborn for the night so I didn’t have to worry about her but things went south. They are uncontrollable, they don’t listen to a thing their dad tells them and especially don’t listen to me. They hit, they scream, they don’t know how to share so they fight all the time. I could go on and on about the terrible things they did to my daughters things like her crib and her toys and the worst part is they were coughing EVERYWHERE not covering their mouth. They were coughing in my baby’s crib, on her blankets, on her toys, they were slobbering on her plushies and it honestly grossed me out but I sucked it up and told myself I will clean and disinfect when they leave. Well as soon as they left I felt it, I was sick. I took medicine immediately, disinfected everything, washed everything, showered and hoped for the best but I got super sick and it made me cry because I was afraid my baby would get sick so I asked my mom to keep her for a while and it killed me because I missed her so much but I am terrified she will get sick so she and I were apart for two days and after that I have been sick for two weeks dealing with my baby paranoid that I am going to get her sick and now it’s his weekend to have them again and asked if they could stay again and I said yes because I don’t want to punish them or him and I asked my mom to take baby again but things went south again, they were not only coughing AGAIN but last night they got into my bed and kept trying to cuddle with me and lay with me. If you recall, I HATE being touched it actually makes me mad to be touched and they were all over me, putting a foot on me, cuddling up to my face, putting their whole leg over me, anything you can think of they were attempting and again I was grossed out, I tried to be nice but I ended up pushing them off me over and over again throughout the entire night. They would put a leg on me and I would immediately push them off of me it got to the point where I felt I might be pushing too hard so I had to get up and go sit in the living room trying not to cry. I was so resentful all night and all I could think was “they’re so gross and I miss my baby. “ now this morning they left and I disinfected and cleaned again but still worried about them getting me sick again or getting my baby sick. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I just feel like if they weren’t constantly coughing and touching me then I wouldn’t have a problem with them staying here but they do so I don’t want them here. I don’t even know how I would bring this up with my bf.
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2024.05.18 14:59 Exact_Butterscotch40 Chapter 4

Chapter 4
A mother daughter relationship is so so complicated, often times more complicated than any other relationship.
Mum for example never had a “normal” relationship with GG. Mum was always hyper criticized. She was made out to be promiscuous and a liar- specifically in regards to what happened with her older brother M. She was told horrible things her entire life, and I wish I could say the cycle ended with her.
Summer and i are the younger siblings - but we do share a very significant age gap. So it was almost as if I grew up with my brothers and Summer in a lot of ways grew up as an only child. summer and mum were both the babies of the family-
From around age 11 mum would tell anyone who would listen how bad I was. I didn’t listen. I was a lair. I was a manipulator. I was promiscuous. Any demonstration of my “goodness” would be portrayed as a manipulation- my intentions were always villainized. I’d go to a friends to stay and I’d say, I just don’t want to live in mess and chaos. But what mum told people was that I was actually for the streets, that I was probably running around doing drugs and sleeping around- within reality I always slept alone. I just wanted to do so clean sheets. I can’t stress enough how much growing up in filth can truly psychologically damage a child.
After R had his accident - mum and step dad worked a lot. Summer became mine and brothers responsibility to take care of more often than not- and because r was sick- we almost became his caregivers. Brother and I were responsible for feeding ourselves and cleaning the house, and watching summer. Brother had always been such a hard worker- he has always been Switzerland and always tried to remain neutral and keep everyone happy. So he did his part easily- but I was harder to break and bend. I fought back. I would express over and over again that I didn’t feel like it was fair for someone who was 11 to be essentially responsible for taking care of a household —- when mum heard this her first instinct wasn’t to say “ you know what this actually is a lot of unfair responsibility to put on a literal child. Maybe we need to back off some” no no. It was “ I am going to get duct tape and tape one of her arms to her and force her to clean the whole house house so that way she can see how much harder it would be if she only had the ability to use one arm like r” (not long ago she actually brought this up and was talking about how funny it was) as a parent myself now, I cannot express how repulsed I am by her behavior. I have five children, and I would never have the idea to use duct tape as a punishment- for ANYTHING. And if you as a parent ever think my kid needs a punishment let me go get the duct tape. Please just give your child to somebody that will actually care for them.
The more I fought back the more it fed the fuel that I was somehow some horrible awful child/ teen. Mum became my biggest hater. She would and still does actively wish negative things on me, just for the right of saying “I told you so”. As a mom myself- I could never do that. I could never wish for horrible things to happen to one of my children just for the right to say “see they were the problem all along”
I once won a scholarship at a church function, and when the youth pastor excitedly told mum- her response was “ She won’t use it. She’ll probably end up pregnant and on drugs by 16.”
When all I needed was a signature in order to obtain a learners permit- I was met with no, I’m not spending my day at a DMV. Any opportunity she had to make my life more difficult. She would take it every single time.
Going to college and need my W2s for fasfa? Mum - “no im not giving you my tax info”
I honestly could write a book just on the weird punishments and the weird dynamic I had with her. But this isn’t just about me.
Summer. I honestly think in some type of karmic way Summer somehow became everything that mum tried to convince the world that I was. Everything I was falsely accused of- summer was doing (obviously years later, as we did have a significant age gap) and what’s so crazy is- Summer never got the treatment I did.
Mum and summer are … co codependent- and a constant echo chamber of negativity and absolutely no accountability. To this day if summer does something wrong / bad I’d still hear “well remember when you did something a fraction as bad 20 years ago when you were a teen” it’s honestly one of the most toxic cycles I’ve ever seen of my mum trying to use everyone else’s past mistakes as excuses or passes for summers current mistakes. Summer is never held accountable- and when something comes up- the mistakes of other people are used as passes for her bad behavior. Down to simple things like- when summer stole from me as a child, I told mum and mums response was “ well you’ve stolen my stuff before so now you know how it feels” and no accountability for Summer
Summer got expelled from high school for bringing drugs to School on two separate occasions - mums response was to remind everyone how horrible I was in school (mind you I was the only one of my siblings to graduate )
I can go on and on about how being the family scapegoat means literally everything somehow is your fault. Or whatever anyone else is doing OK because you have somehow managed to do something worse in the past. It’s a battle I’ll never win.
it’s also important to note- mum did not protect any of us for SA as kids. Her first husband SA’ed me. Brother was SA’ed as well- although I don’t know the details because he wouldn’t ever open up about it. And summer was first SA’ed by a cousin on my step dad’s side. I want to take a moment to also address signs your child has been SA’ed. They may stop caring about their physical appearance- and the space that they keep around them- like mum. They may be overly sexual towards other kids at a very very young age (under 7) like brother (most kids who do this are expressing learned to behavior and are generally not seen as a predator) (most kids doing this also out of it at a very young age because they realize how wrong it is) they could become so outspoken no predator would risk doing anything to them at a fear that they could not keep them quiet- like me. Or they could hate themselves and become hyper sexual- finding affection in sexual acts- like summer.
But with that being said. Being a family scapegoat ask means you somehow become a people pleaser. You have been told your entire life how unlovable you are and how unworthy you are and you spend so much time trying to prove your goodness and prove that you are actually worth basic love and respect. - and you spend so much time effort and energy, picking up the breadcrumbs of love
This year we moved from the north to the south. When we sold our house in the north- we made a pretty good profile- hubby (my husband) wanted to buy a house outright, and even with the profit on the other house we would still owe a pretty good amount on our current residence. So we decided to buy a property outright and allow my mum- summer - summers son- and step dad to move into the house and do a rent to own situation. I’m sure you’re asking why. Why would I do that.
Ultimately, it’s because I’m an idiot- I fell for love bombing- I fell for the idea that mum would be an amazing grandparent to my kids.
They moved in in June. The wedding was in July. Things calmed down until December. And then - summer relapsed. Her son was around 9 months old. She tested positive for everything across-the-board. CPS got involved and placed her son with my husband and I - now is a perfect time to put out a reminder that we have our 5 of our own children - by newphew will always have a place here.
We knew at the 90 day mark CPS would likely reassign temporary custody
One of the stipulations mandated by CPS was that Summer go into a rehab program
Mum being the enabler that she tried to turn on the family to not hold her accountable
At this point, my husband- was pissed- as was I.
We had 3 stipulations for allowing them to live in the house that we owned. All stipulations were agreed-upon by all parties prior to them moving in. 1. Keep the house clean, that didn’t happen. 2. Minimalize the smoking in the house- so that way my kids could still come over and it would not affect the value of the home- they immediately started chain-smoking everywhere in the house, making it impossible for my kids to spend any time over there (my husband and I take the problems. Secondhand smoke causes very seriously seriously.) they chose to smoke in the house over having the ability to have my children over. And finally the most important rule- and the one that was a no go for us - NO HARD DRUGS. obviously as I mentioned, Summer had a relapse meeting. She was bringing hard drugs in and out of the house.
At this point, my husband told my stepdad if there are drugs in that house again that he will just evict all of them and sell the house- that literally none of our boundaries have been respected, and they ultimately crossed our biggest one
So what did mum do ? Well, she went around and told all of our family that I was using the house over her head. And when it came time for us to discuss custody for my nephew that her and stepdad needed to be on the agreement because I am such a horrible person I would use someone else’s child against them.
This broke me. It was the first time in life. I actually realized it does not matter how much I do for them the second the narrative doesn’t fit what they want it to be anymore. They will turn on me and make me the villain of the story. I can give them a house and car. I can give them everything and as soon as it’s no longer suing them, I will become the villain over and over.
Summer never got her son any type of insurance- I was overwhelmed with not only taking care of my kids, but an additional child that I was being villainized for caring for- so at this point, I contacted CPS and asked them to place the baby with mum and step dad. They were approved.
And before anyone judges me for doing this too much, please remember that I was under a tremendous amount of stress - I had absolutely no support outside of my Husband and all of my relationships with my family crumbled- all because I was just doing what I felt was the right thing. Naranon truly helped me realize that I actually have control over how much of this nonsense I allowed in my life. I was losing Hair by the clumps. My very accurate. Was weeks late because of stress. And to be honest, I was not being fair to my children by trying to take take on the world- to solves mums / summers problems.
So for my mental health, and for the sake of what was best for my children, I had to eliminate myself from the situation and only allow it in my life in the capacity that was healthy for me
So ever since January, I’m pretty much have been low to no contact with all of them.
The next chapter will be the final chapter. Everything will come together I promise and these back stories will makes complete sense I promise.
submitted by Exact_Butterscotch40 to u/Exact_Butterscotch40 [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 10:26 SuperbAd2870 WIBTA for cutting all contact with my family after they insist I forgive my brother after they turn a blind eye to what he has done?

So, I (20f) had a pretty rough childhood. My mother was kind of a pos and cheated on my dad all the time which led to their divorce when I was 2, and she got with the man she was having her latest affair with and it stuck. He came with two kids, a son and a younger daughter. When I was around 6, this older step brother, let's call him O (11) started to molest and rape me. He set up really weird sick and twisted games that all four of us, me, my brother, his sister and himself, would play, truth or dare type games. He was the oldest at 11 at this point, my brother G and step sister E were around 8 or 9 and I was the youngest at 6. He'd set G and E up together to go do naughty things, and himself with me. These "games" didn't last long, but he never let me out of his clutches. He even bragged about it to his friends when he was a few years older and they felt inclined to get in on the action, one even threatened me with a knife at one point when I was 8 or so. My mother is an awful person, she cares only for appearances and loves herself more than you cab imagine, I'm sure she only wanted children as future maids and cashcows, but for some reason she was particularly interested in living vicariously through me. I was quite the rough house tomboy as a child, and didn't care for typical girly things, when I was tearing up a tree or across a playground I was very shy and awkward and always avoided eyecontact and hid behind my massive poof of hair, my mother really didn't like this. She had always tried to brainwash me into being a charming, seductive feminine woman from a very young age, and seemed to punish me by throwing all the chores at me and verbally belittling me or even physically overpowering me from a very young age. My mother had witnessed O during one of his acts towards me. I was naked, had bruises and fresh bleeding scratches and was crying, she bust the door open while his mouth was suckering onto my chest at 8. She saw the scene, and closed her eyes and sighed at the floor, composed herself and said what she came to say, and left. I was gutted. I thought finally someone might help me, between the bullying at school and abuse at home I thought at least my mother would correct one of her children being "unsightly". In hindsight I suppose she put her marriage first and didn't want to cause any issues, but that was not the last time she'd catch him doing things to me, and she'd ignore them every time. There was even a point where O and one of his friends, let's call him A, same age, had a rivalry on who's sex toy I was, and would openly do things to me in front of the other to assert dominance and rile each other up. One of these times, O went home to tell my mother, at which she called me home and scolded me harshly for my behaviour. At the time I knew she wanted to say something but didn't, as I got older I realised it was "whore". I was 9 and A was 14. Now, amongst all of this, my brother was aware of what was going on, at the time I didn't think much of it other than it was terrifying to be home and I'd rather attempt to run away for the hundredth time, I thought it was normal and what I was meant for, to absorb the abuse and violence, but as I grew older I realised more and more about the world and realised it wasn't right, and I could chose to live with my dad. When my parents divorced we were 50/50 split custody, I'd be at my mom's for 2 weeks then 2 weeks at dad's. At 14 I simply decided one day to just ask to be picked up for my dad's again, no planning or packing, no plan in mind, just after being dropped off on my last day at my dad's for that week and asking "can you pick me up again after school? I don't want to go to moms". My mother threw a fit about it of course, she called up my dad spouting about how I was just being a spoiled brat and throwing a tantrum for not getting what I want, I never asked for anything ever even on birthdays or Christmas, so I have no idea what made up demands of mine she was referring to, but as the weeks passed by and I continued to stay at my dad, she got pretty furious. She'd cry to all our extended family members about how her dear daughter that she loved so much turned her back on her and left for her "richer" dad (neither parent was well off, but my mother blew most of her pay on jewellery, dresses, shoes and makeup) and turned my extended family against me. Now, somewhere when I was 14, just before leaving, I broke down to someone at school, I wasn't really friends with them, if anything they were more of a bully, and i told them about what my step brother and his friends had been doing to me, with the words I now knew to describe it, "rape" "molest" "grooming" and "sexual abuse". She had no reaction at the time, and didn't even seem to register it. A few months after I had moved out of my mother's, my anxiety disorder reared its ugly head, and I began being unable to even attend my highschool, and after being pretty much 100% absent for a year or so, police came knocking at my door. Turns out, the girl from before had gotten concerned for me and told the teachers, who in turn told the police, which ended up at this. I was quite unhappy about it, I told them the bare minimum information, I told them I didn't want them to even be here or involved at all, they told me they'd need to question my mother, step dad, step brother, brother, and step sister. I didn't really care and didn't think anything would come of it. A few years later, and almost 2 years ago now, at age 19, I'd all but forgotten about the police, I was still, and remain, thoroughly traumatised from my childhood and still struggle to leave the house without someone else and my headset to drown out everything. my golden child brother showed up. Now, I know this is a first mention of him being a golden child, but it's always been a stark difference between how we were treated, at my mother's, and at my dad's with my aunt and grandma (dad's side) as well. To give you a picture, on my brothers 18th birthday, he got a 3 tier home made cake, a slow roasted dinner that had been on for 12 hours, my dad, aunt and grandma sat at the table with him loudly congratulating him and celebrating his "first" beer, he was gifted a motorcycle and many presents. For my 18th birthday, the only one I was looking forward to, I got 5 minutes of attention when I opened everyone's gifts which was basically just sweets and chocolates, and then they all disappeared to clamour around my brother, G. I sobbed in my bedroom with my boyfriend, after a while the only family member I was holding out hope for, my grandma, came knocking at my door, I quickly composed myself and went to see her, at which she led me to the bathroom to tell me off for not giving my brother any attention. On my 18th birthday. Kinda lost it there lol and shouted at her. I got no cake, not even store brought, and no dinner, but when G was hungry of course the ordered him Chinese and didn't even ask me if I wanted anything. Anyway. I had been getting into more contact with G over discord, and everything he came over I'd sort of blindly follow everyone's example and revere him, I'd make him food and bring him snacks and I'd always offer myself to be there for him if he ever needs to talk, and after some while, he tells me that he thinks he's in love with someone. I was happy for him and congratulated him, but as I found out more, she was bad news. She'd send him texts talking about how he was special to her and she was so in love with him and they had sex, but she was still fucking her ex and 2 other guys and saying the same things to them, openly, in servers they shared. I was really worried for G and didn't want him to be heartbroken, and tried to warn him gently about not getting too in over his head, because he seemed to be taking all that she was saying to heart, and talking about her as if she was the one, when it's clear that she was just fooling around and looking for an easy bang sesh. G got very angry at me for daring to insinuate such a horrible thing about his sweetheart, and purely to hurt me, he told me he had covered for O and A when the police questioned them. I had completely forgotten about the police ever going over to question them, it didn't even occur to me that G would be part of that too, and here he was telling me that he told the police I was a liar and doing it for attention, the exact words my mother had been telling all of my extended family and turning them against me with. I was just so gutted. And he always knew I didn't know about him lying, but he acted so nonchalant to my face, accepted my kindness and gifts while I waited on him hand and foot. I always knew my mother would lie for appearances sake and call me a liar, I don't think my step sister, E, remembered, my step dad also never personally witnessed anything. But my brother. I had just assumed he was out when the police came over, or with friends. I was devastated to say the least. I broke down and told my dad, he asked me if I didn't want to see him anymore and I said yes, and he simply nodded. A few months later was my aunties birthday. I was invited and said I wouldn't go because G would be there, and my auntie and grandma were upset at me, they thought we had a petty sibling squabble, they badgered me about it for hours and blamed me for ruining her birthday. I eventually blurted it all out thinking "that'll shut them up" but instead what I was met with was a barrage of excuses made for him, and better yet, they were telling me to forgive him. Forgive him? He hadn't even tried to apologise...he held it against me and used it to HURT me, he didn't tell me out of compassion or remorse for his past mistakes, he used it as a weapon, and they want me to forgive him?I broke down and just locked myself in my room. They shouted at me through my door but I just blasted music and cried into my pillows until they left, and a bit more after just for good measure lol. Since that happened, I can't be around my family without a deep aching and pain in my chest and choking up, questions on my tongue and angry accusations always trying to come out. I had a big argument with my dad over it, G was my only chance at potentially getting justice for what they did, for salvaging my relationships with all my family who had disowned me, I only have my dad aunt and grandma, but my brother has everyone, everyone loves him in the family, and my own mother loves O more than she ever did me, he gets her love and affection, and all of it from the rest of the family, he's branded a poor victim of my manipulative vicious lying, while I'm the spoiled tantrum throwing brat who they are better off without. I do so much for my family. Actually,half a year before I left my mother's she developed breast cancer. I wanted to leave around that time, but I stayed because I knew her useless husband and beloved two useless oldest sons would do nothing to help her. I sat in my room and listened to her vomit and cry and choke alone, I know they could all hear her too. But I was the one to go by her side, to wash the bucket, to change her sheets and clean the floor when she couldn't grab the bucket in time. I'm the one who sat her her side and held her as she sobbed. I'm the one who fed her when she was too weak to move. After I moved out she accredited all her "being looked after" and care to O and her husband. While i was arguing with my dad, I was crying pretty hard and asking him all these questions, "why do I have to forgive him? He didn't even try to apologise he just said it to hurt me and none of you care" "him telling the truth was the only way I could have had anything done to help me" "he protected my rapist and you're all just fine with it". Eventually, my dad said a line which really solidified to me, that no matter what I say or what G does, he will always be their priority. "He's my son, what do you want me to do?!?!". In that one sentence, I heard it. "He's my son, and you're not my daughter" "I'm willing to lose you but not him". I think it's been a year or so since that happened. I can't do it. Every time there has been an issue in the family I've been the one there. My aunties dog grooming business is falling behind because of her poor health? I work there for free. My nan almost dies from kidney failure? I'm there cuddling her and staying with her for months to do everything for her. My dad suddenly losing all his hearing in one ear and starts throwing up blood? I'm there, terrified, but doing my best to keep him alive until the ambulance comes. Every time my family had gone through a tough time, I've been there to patch it up. Every time they've gone through a rough time, I've begged G to please visit, help, stay a few days, at least see how their doing....but he'd rather stay at our mom's where he can play video games for 20 hours straight living rent free. I love my family so much...my dad, my aunt and my nan. But I can't handle it. It feels like every time I see them I'm breaking down a little more and more inside. I wanted to maybe give my dad the ultimatum of me or G, he can't chose both, but it feels like I already did in that argument and without even hesitating he chose G. I can't keep being around them, I can't make them love me or care about me, but I do for them, so deeply, and it hurts so much. I feel like I have to just shut up and suffer so they can all play happy family, but i can't take it. I haven't slept for 2 nights right now because its just always there, always nagging at me and reducing me to tears sobbing my heart out into my pillows. Please, does anyone have any advice?
submitted by SuperbAd2870 to AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 08:01 SharkEva I (50 M) just learned my spouse (47 F) was unfaithful years ago in marriage. She came clean from guilt. Where do I go from here?

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/SRBias posting in relationship_advice
Ongoing as per OOP
1 update - Long
Original - 10th May 2024
Update - 13th May 2024

I (50 M) just learned my spouse (47 F) was unfaithful years ago in marriage. She came clean from guilt. Where do I go from here?

This will be quite a lengthy read because I'm laying out everything to get honest opinions with all the context. There's a TLDR at the end for those who'd rather skip the backstory. I know that most people go incognito with a throwaway account for this kind of post. But I wanted this to be authentic, using my real account. I didn't want anyone to think this was disingenuous. If we know each other in real life or you find me on my other socials, let's keep our chats here or in PMs. I don't want anyone harassing anybody, and I have a sixteen-year-old daughter who has been spared this drama so far.
I tied the knot shortly after high school, and let's just say, if my marriage were a collegiate course, it would be "F*** Up - 101." It was a masterclass in what not to do, featuring every red flag in the book. I was fresh-faced and barely off on my life journey, thinking I'd hit the jackpot. I'd assumed I'd accomplished what my parents did, that being the poster couple for marital bliss. I was so naive, always giving the benefit of the doubt. Meanwhile, my then-wife, fresh from escaping her parental fortress of solitude, went bat s*** crazy, deciding that 'living life to the fullest' didn't include me in the picture.
Before I knew it, I was Mr. Mom with our toddler while she was trapped underneath a few individuals, making up for lost time. After finally catching her in the act, I filed for a divorce and braced for the impact. Divorcing in '97 in the heart of the bible belt was not favorable towards the husband back then. What followed was straight out of a horror movie. I paid my attorney five thousand dollars to watch her take everything from my guitars and video games. She even claimed keepsakes from a departed relative, and the judge seemed happy to grant her every wish. Not only did I bid farewell to everything I owned, but my time with my son got slashed to a mere Wednesday afternoon and alternating weekends.
My faith in women was broken. I went on a few dates here and there but mostly kept it to casual encounters and dinners. I never let anyone get too close. But, in early 1999, at a friend's birthday party, I met a woman whose marriage had crashed harder than mine. She'd had a stillbirth six months into her pregnancy, and her husband dared to bring his girlfriend to the funeral. She was heartbroken, to say the least, to learn about her husband's affair and the end of her marriage on the day they laid her daughter to rest. We sat on a couch that night, swapping tales of romantic ruin. She was clever, and to me, that is an instant connection. It's rare for me to find someone who makes me laugh instead of vice versa. As I headed home, I couldn't shake her from my thoughts, kicking myself for not asking for her number.
The next, my phone rang, and it was her! She'd gotten my phone number from someone we both knew and asked: "Would you like to get food sometime?" I said, "Now sounds great!" So, I drove to her grandmother's house, and off we went on what turned out to be what I still consider the perfect date. Now, I get it; we were both lonely and had our hearts broken, but trust me, this was no spark; it was an inferno. And believe it or not, we've been inseparable since that day. We have not spent a night apart. That was twenty-five years ago, with us marrying a year after our meeting. Go ahead and facepalm, I know how it sounds, but it's hard to put the connection between us into words. Even I'm still shaking my head in disbelief.
Our families adored the two of us together. I was certain I had found my soulmate, if you believe in that, and I was certain she felt the same. We enjoyed each other's company, and our lives meshed perfectly. As with life, however, it finds those moments of bliss to take a giant s*** on you. In 2006, I began feeling ill; eating resulted in violent illness, which I initially thought was a virus. But after a week with no improvement, it was clear this was something else. I was admitted to the local hospital and underwent numerous tests. When I was first admitted, I weighed 222 pounds at a height of 6'2". Within a year, I had dropped to 146 pounds, and my condition dumbfounded the doctors. My health was deteriorating rapidly. Throughout the ordeal, she never left my side, her hand in mine, begging me not to leave her.
In late 2007, a last-ditch effort sent me to the Cleveland Clinic, where a young doctor rushed me into surgery. When I awoke three hours later, she was there, hand in mine, with a smile. It was a success; I was cured. While I'll spare you the details, it involved my colon. Finally, I could eat and move without agony. My life resumed, and we were happy again. The following year, she received a lucrative job offer in her field, earning more than I did. That didn't bother me at all; she worked hard, and she'd earned it.
After her miscarriage, my wife was unable to conceive. We had been trying since 2000 and eventually came to terms with the fact that it might not happen. In 2010, we got a call from the state of Minnesota about a two-year-old girl who had been taken from her mother due to drug-related charges. They asked if we would consider adopting her because the mother had requested she be placed with family members before her parental rights were terminated. My wife and I drove for 30 hours to meet her, and after a few months, we adopted her and welcomed her into our home.
Our daughter faced social challenges and had endured abuse, leading the two of us to decide one of us needed to be at home with her. As mentioned, my wife earned significantly more, so it made sense for me to be the one to step into the role. I dedicated each day to supporting our daughter's mental health. While I played a part, I can't claim all the credit for this; her preschool, kindergarten, and therapist were instrumental in her learning to socialize and trust again. Eventually, I took up freelance journalism, so I was home when our little one finished her school day.
Our evenings were family time, and we took small trips on weekends. It was in 2017 that my wife returned from work one evening, deeply shaken by what she told me was a workplace argument. Despite my attempts to console her, she remained incorrigible. She was declaring her intent to find a new job. She'd never had any issues before, so I was stunned. For days, she was a mess and withdrawn. When I pressed for details, she'd say, "It would only upset you. Let me deal with it."
True to her word, she left for a new company within a week, accepting a 15 percent reduction in pay. I should have questioned it then, but she never gave me cause for concern. Once she began her new role, life returned to normal, and our family happily moved forward. In 2022, I published my first novel with an independent publisher, fulfilling a lifelong dream. I could sense the pride emanating from both my wife and daughter. I had achieved this milestone before my fiftieth birthday, and I couldn't wait to start on my second one.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, this is where my world breaks. In 2023, as I was finishing up my new novel, my twenty-seven-year-old son from my first marriage died suddenly of a heart attack. He had an underlying condition that none of us knew about. I want everyone to understand that when you say, "I couldn't imagine my child dying," you truly can't. There is no pain quite like it. My wife and daughter, who also felt his loss deeply, did their best to support me. But there is no way to deal with such a tragedy. In the months following his death, I immersed myself in my work, striving to complete my second book for him.
On the day I finished it in January, my father passed away after a long battle. Dad had been ill for a long time. You think you can prepare yourself for that, but that's a lie you tell yourself. The loss was hard, and my daughter was instrumental in getting me back on my feet. My second book was released in February, and I tried to smile as I had my release party. At the beginning of April, I started feeling better, writing outlines for my third novel and doing the same things I'd always done with my wife and daughter.
My wife and I have a Wednesday tradition where she picks a random recipe she finds online, and we cook it together. On April 3rd, while making crockpot chicken tacos, I thanked her for everything. She asked why, and I thanked her for everything she'd done to get me through the tough times. I shared a lot of pent-up emotions, telling her I couldn't have managed without her. She started crying, then weeping, and soon she was sobbing uncontrollably. I tried to comfort her with a hug, but she pushed me away. I apologized, not realizing my words would stir such a reaction.
Suddenly, she confesses her infidelity. I laughed, mistaking it for a joke. She grabs my shoulders and then details how, back in 2017, a 28-year-old at her former job started flirting with her, and she reciprocated. She believed it was innocent, yet it persisted. My wife has always feared growing old. Her birthdays were days she dreaded every year. She admitted that the attention from a younger man was exhilarating. She told me that turning 40 had sent her into a tailspin and that she couldn't talk to me about it because I would have just shrugged it off.
He invited her to leave work early and come to his place one day. She couldn't understand why she chose to; maybe it was the thrill. She said she didn't know, but she went and ended up sleeping with him. Afterward, she felt terrible, glaring at her keychain in his driveway because it had a photo of me holding our daughter. She drove home, and that's when she lied about having a workplace argument. She never wanted to return there. It's why she suddenly went somewhere else. She then told me she wanted to tell me but didn't have the fortitude to do it.
I remained silent, just wide-eyed and open-mouthed. She apologized, saying she couldn't live with it any longer. I just shook my head, unable to speak a single word. She offered to leave if that's what I wanted, to attend counseling, or even to beg for my forgiveness. Instead, I picked up my AirPods and phone and walked out. I wandered from six in the evening until almost eleven that night. When I returned, she was on the loveseat, asking if I was ready to talk. I shook my head again, went to my office, where I had a couch, and slept there.
The next day, after our daughter left for school, she asked if I had anything to say. I said yes. I questioned why she brought this up after the worst year of my life. Why couldn't she have kept it to herself until I could somewhat deal with something of this magnitude? She just looked away. I scoffed and told her to go to work and to try not to f*** anyone during her lunch break. That would have been April 4th; those were the last words I said to her until last night.
She had attempted to talk to me several times, but I would just walk past her into my office, trying to focus on my upcoming science fiction comedy book. Writing something funny is challenging when the thought of your spouse rolling around with another man stuck in her consumes your thoughts. A week ago, my daughter asked in the car if everything was okay, and I lied to her, which made me feel sick. Then, last night, my wife came to the office door and asked, "Are we getting a divorce?" I looked at her and replied, "Looks like it." She started crying and closed the door.
I haven't consulted an attorney, and the thought of divorce hadn't crossed my mind until she mentioned it. That's why I wrote this essay. Where do I go from here? How do I start to untangle this mess? I have no desire for therapy. I don't even want to step outside. I'm broken at this moment. The burden of everything has been overwhelming. There's been so much to bear this past year. What do you say to someone who has been by your side through it all, only to tear your heart apart?
Thank you for reading to the end. And for those who are part of the TLDR crowd, my wife decided to go home with a younger man, felt guilty about it, and quit her job. She waited eight years to tell me about it.

Comments

Foreign_Flight4566
Jesus, man. I’m sorry for your loss(es). Timing of your wife’s confession is mind-boggling. Realistically, this is above Reddit’s pay grade. I’ll recommend therapy, but probably above a therapist’s pay grade too. I know you also state you don’t want therapy, but that sounds like the exact time you need it. They can offer grief support, which is what you’ll need as you tease out emotions from losing loved ones and a very nasty betrayal. I hope you find happiness in whatever you decide.
OOP: I contemplated several different subs and I have no idea why I chose this one. I should have clarified above that after my son died, local hospice house around here has grief counseling, which I used extensively. I don't want to do couple's counseling is what I should have said. My apologies. I posted this to try and get outside perspectives from people, and maybe give me a different angle to look at this.

cakivalue
Not couples counseling but individual therapy for you. You need the support right now after all you've been through and an unbiased third party to support you through the pain and demise of your marriage, next steps and co-parenting.
My unprofessional angle here is that this is most likely over. Had she come clean in 2017 you would have been able to make a choice regarding forgiveness, couples therapy etc. she held on to this secret for seven years and then dumped it on you at the worst time in order to ease her own guilty feelings. Especially knowing that you had both been hurt in this exact way in the past is especially jaw dropping that she did all of this.

Magnum_tv
Fuck man! This is...just fuck...
Firstly, I'm so sorry for your losses. I extend my sincere condolences.
You need grief counseling. This would help you put things in perspective. At least you'll be able to eventually make decisions based on logic than just pure emotion.
Secondly, your spouse. She not only betrayed you, she lied to you for eight years. EIGHT YEARS! That's fucking scary, because now you're gonna be wondering what else she can be hiding.
Now I'm an asshole, I'd be out of that marriage tomorrow. You however, have truly built a life with her. If, and I mean a big fucking IF, she's regretful, you should divorce, it would be less stress in your life having to be her warden. Because the trust is gone.
If, she's remorseful, you could try to work it out. But she needs to put in the work. Not you, HER. Because she's the one who fucked up.
Remember, regret and remorse are two completely different things.
I'd recommend you still talk to a lawyer before making a final decision. The more informed you are, the better choice you'll be able to make.
I'm truly sorry you're dealing with this, best of luck brother.
OOP: Thank you so much. This is another thing in the back of my mind what else has she been dishonest about?


Update - 3 days later

UPDATE - After spending Saturday morning formulating and reading the staggering number of comments, I've made my decision. Some said my issue was far beyond the Reddit pay grade – they were mistaken. I deliberately avoided turning to family and friends, seeking a view from an outside perspective, and I think it worked. My gratitude goes out to all who sent private messages and responded; your thoughts on the matter helped me come to my conclusion.
On Saturday evening, I approached my wife to apologize for the silent treatment, I told her I wasn't attempting to punish her and acknowledged that it was childish. I told her if I would have opened my mouth, I would have been overly harsh and ruined any opportunity of a civil conversation. I promised we'd discuss it the next day.
On Sunday evening, I let it all out; I didn't cry, or raise my voice. I asked the man's name, which she provided. I asked her if the man was married when she betrayed us, and she confirmed he was. That hit me hard, because she knew he was also with someone. I asked if he was still married. She told me she had no clue, she hadn't seen him since the day she left for her new job. I told her I hoped they were, because I was going to make sure she knew. If my life had to be ripped apart, so would his. I thought that would get a rise out of her, it didn't. She just nodded.
I expressed my doubts about the affair being an isolated event, echoing the comments of several others. She maintained it was a one-off and was the sole reason she left her job. I explained that after eight years of this lie, it's natural for me to question anything she said. I then made it clear that if there's more to the story than what she's admitted, now is the time to be as open and honest as possible.
Any further revelations would be a deal-breaker for me, and there would be no excuse that could rectify it. She pleaded it was a singular occurrence and that she's been wanting to confess since it happened. I asked if he had reached out after her departure, she denied any contact. I responded that it didn't surprise me, assuming he got what he wanted and moved on to another person at work. It was the only cheap shot I threw.
I requested that she leave the house for a few weeks, I wasn't telling her it was over, but I wanted to be away from her. I suggested she could stay with her sister, her mother, or even rent a place—anywhere but here. I also informed her of my intention to discuss the situation with our daughter, who is 16 by the way, some people have commented believing her to be quite younger. To my surprise, my wife revealed she had already told her about a week ago, which I was completely unaware of. She inquired about the tone of the house, and my anger, and my wife confessed to her. Before my daughter went to bed, I asked her, and indeed, my wife had admitted that she had been unfaithful. I wanted to know why she hadn't come to me about it, and she told me she didn't want to make me feel worse.
I've decided to keep her home from school tomorrow to have a heart-to-heart about everything. It's important for me to understand her feelings and to emphasize that harboring hatred towards her mother isn't the goal. Her mother has always been loving and supportive. It's natural for her to feel angry, and that's okay, but picking sides isn't beneficial – nobody wins in this situation. It's a tough reality I'm coming to terms with, everyone loses. Tomorrow, I plan to contact three local therapists and reach out to the grief counselor I met after my son's death. I'm not interested in couple's therapy; I believe individual therapy is what I need, and since it's highly recommended, I'm going to pursue it.
My daughter's school year is ending soon, and I'm looking forward to spending quality time with her. I prefer to keep our plans private from family and friends; it's our personal matter. Someone advised me about controlling the narrative, but the only thing that matters now is that my daughter knows the truth. I need some time to come to terms if this relationship is salvageable. I need this time for self-reflection and to assess the situation. When she asked if we were going the route of legal separation, I clarified that it wasn't the case. I told her that when I look at her it brings up feelings of anger, which isn't healthy.
To my astonishment, she consented to everything. She doesn't want our relationship to end, and I reminded her that her actions with him forfeited that choice to me. She mentioned my wedding ring as a sign that she still matters to me, and I assured her that she does. I proposed we conclude things there. As I walked by, I touched her shoulder; she nodded in agreement. Later, she phoned her sister and made plans to stay with her the following evening after work.
TLDR. I want to express my gratitude to everyone for their support and guidance, except to the asshole that just wanted to pick a fight. I apologize for the length of my initial post; I believed the full context was necessary to help you understand why I'm so conflicted. To those who reached out privately and know my identity, your discretion is deeply appreciated. I'm looking forward to spending the next month with my daughter and starting therapy. Your messages are welcome, and I'll do my best to respond to each one. I'll provide another update in the future when I've made a decision about our next steps or if it's time to move on. I am not rushing into this decision lightly.

Comments

Bolt_McHardsteel
Clearly you have given this a lot of thought, and come up with a way forward that is best for you. Good luck in therapy, get yourself mentally right, there is no rush to make a final decision on your marriage. Take good care of your daughter! She seems like an amazing kid. Hang in there.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 06:34 Zestyclose_Dog_4923 Wife (32F) of 10 years cheated on me (34M) and got pregnant. She aborted because and wants to get back with me. Should I take her back?

TLDR: Wife (32F) of 10 years cheated on me (34M) and got pregnant. She aborted and wants to get back with me. She has has contact a couple times with her ex in the past 6 months since they broke up for "closure". I'm not sure to believe her or not.
To be clear, I haven't been the best husband to her either. Since almost the first day of marriage I would get mad at her for minor things and yell at her or say things with an attitude sometimes, mostly without noticing. Unfortunately this went on for about 5-6 years. Within that time I was physically abusive to her a handful of times when I would lose my temper. Everytime I would would say that I was sorry and that I wouldn't do it again but it would continue. The whole time she swore to love me with her whole heart but I was slowly killing her love for me.
Finally on year 7 I attempted to hit her but she blocked me. At that moment she realized enough was enough. She swore to divorce me but I told her I wouldn't let her. She cried for about 3 months straight losing her mind because she could not comprehend how she could be over me and hate me even though she loved me so much. It was at that time that I realized my old internal methods of trying to stop me from abusing her would never work. It was then when I sought out therapy. It was only then when I gained the necessary emotional skills to control my emotions and not lose my temper that much and the physical abuse ceased completely. But it was too late.
A few months later I realized that she deserved for me to give her the divorce. It was the most loving thing to do. I told her I would agree to divorce her. But she never took me up on the offer and just blamed me for not initiating the process. I loved her so much that I also decided that if she would stay I would take all of her verbal abuse and scorn until one day she could forgive me because I felt I deserved it.
She would still explode on me for the smallest things but I would keep my calm as best as I could. Months later we went through with moving to a different city together and we bought a house in the new city. Something we had always been planing.
However before we left she told me she would start giving herself a chance with different men. So she started going out a lot and partying. As a matter of fact on year 6 she started being unfaithful and I caught her flirting over text with a bouncer she met. I cried for about two weeks straight. I tracked her phone and caught her outside the guys apartment talking with her along with her friend. She still didn't change her attitude. She stopped talking to the guy after I cussed him out. However between year 7-10 she had about 2 guys she had talked to romantically over phone and text but she never moved out. Always eventually breaking up with them and me having to deal with her sad moods.
Close to year 10 she started talking to a guy in the city we moved to when he reached out to her via social media. She was %100 convinced he was "the one" just because of how he talked to her and the trauma they shared. She told me he was an "ex" drug dealer and had tattoos all over and carried a gun all the time. But that he had left all that life behind him haha I told her she was making a mistake and he was a bad person and only bad things would happen to her if she gave him a chance. She didn't listen and at that point moved out to an apartment.
Long story short, their two month afair was, sure enough, full of manipulation, toxicity, controling, and the most stressful life she's ever had. She was forced to have her every move tracked. During this time she became very close to his 9 year old daughter. She would almost always spend nights over at his house but say she would sleep in the daughter's room every time. She would be partying with him almost 7 nights a week while trying to hold down a job. In the end, after him breaking up with her about 5 times within the span of two months she found out she was pregnant.
I visited her at her apartment on our 10 year anniversary while she was pregnant with another mans child. We had so many plans for our 10 year. She missed out on so much. Even then I gave her a few gifts that I had bought before I knew she was pregnant. I wouldn't have gotten anything otherwise. I didn't want to give them to her but I would've felt like an Indian giver if I didn't.
It was only then that she realized that it wouldn't work out with that piece of trash. She called me and told me she needed help. I never told her to get an abortion but she knew that if she didn't it would be the final straw for me because I never wanted kids and I'll be damned if I had to raise some scum of the Earth's child. It wasn't after I helpped her get the abortion that "she realized I would be with her through thick and thin". I didn't pay for the procedure though. She apologized pretty sincerely about that relationship and for cheating and all the other relationships she's had. She said she really regrets hurting me.
Shortly afterward she told me she wanted to try things again after 3+ years of disregard and emotional abuse trying to find her happiness. I held strong through it all but the fact she got pregnant was the ultimate sin against me in my book.
She never had sex with any other man until she met this trash of a human. And I believe her on that. We literally saw him with another bitch while my wife was pregnant by the way. When she first confessed she was pregnant to me I asked her how many times they had sex and she said two. Later, after the abortion, when I finally had courage to start talking to her about this very hurtful subject she said they only had sex once and that she was blacked out at the time and doesn't remember anything about that night. I don't know what to make of her changing her story from having sex 2 times to 1.
I asked her how many times she blacked out with him and she told me a total of two nights but that other night she blacked out she asked him if they had sex and he said no. The time they did have sex the next morning he right away told her they had sex. He also told her he wanted to get her pregnant because he wanted a family. This scumbag of a person probably planned it all out. He made sure to fuck her on her fertile days and make sure she was blacked out in the process. She had never wanted to be physical with any of the guys she's talked to and I believe her.
So if all of this is true then she was technically raped because she was blacked out. If that was true, then that would make me an ass hole for hating her for getting raped. We have been getting couples therapy but gaining trust in her again is hard. She is still really hurt from the pain I've caused her as well. However slowly my love has gone from a %10 right after she told me she got pregnant to a present %30. The pregnancy alone killed my love %60 for her instantly.
So this brings us to the present day. She has told me she thinks he's a piece of trash and even gave him the nickname "trash". However she has always missed his daughter she became very close to over those two months. However it's been about 6 months now since the break up and abortion and this trash requests her on social media and starts sending her messages again. At first for a week she ignored them and said she wasn't going to answer. But eventually she started saying there were some things she needed closure on. She also confessed she still had feelings for him, which I get, but also that the door is still open for him.
After a week she came into the house crying uncontrollably. She said this trash called her and she answered and he said that his daughter missed her a lot. He said he couldn't talk now but that he would call her back in a bit. She said she was crying so much because she felt sad that his daughter still missed her so much. She said she would answer when he called her back. I told her not to answer but she said she didn't care. I told her in that case I would be present for the call but she didn't want me to be there. I told her if she didn't have anything to hide to let me. She said she wouldn't feel comfortable if I was present. I told her I didn't want her talking to him and this would only push us apart and she didn't care.
After almost a whole hour talking to her ex she said he just told her how much the daughter missed her and how he was so sorry about everything blah blah blah. My wife told him it wasn't right for her to talk to the daughter with out the mother's permission. She later told me it was really selfish of him to just unload his feelings on her just to make himself feel better and to get it off his chest. She said she didn't even want to ask anything for closure anymore at that point.
I was fairly mad at her but I would probably let it slide if it was a one time thing. A few days later, he called her again. I told her not to call him back, she didn't care and said she would call him. So I told her, if she doesn't have anything to hide then record the call, again she refused. I told her if she called him back then our relationship would probably never work and I would love her even less than I do now. She didn't give a shit and called him back. A little while later she came back in very excited saying the daughter wanted to facetime her. I told her I didn't care. This time she went into the next room as opposed to making the call from inside her car.
At this point I got my stuff and started getting ready to leave to the gym. I couldn't be in the house anymore, I was so mad. She eventually ended the call and asked what I was doing. I told her I was leaving and I didn't want to talk with her at all until later that night. Once at the gym she text me saying I didn't care about leaving her alone even though I know she has abandonment issues. I told her how am I supposed to care if she doesn't care about me? She says whether she stops talking to him or not is her business. I told her it's my business if she wants a relationship with me. Then she proceeds to attack my flaws.
Is this relationship even worth fighting for anymore? Or am I finally on the cusp of finally gaining back the relationship that I always wished I had with her since day one? Or have I simply been a cuck this whole time? Or have I finally taken the punishment I deserved for the 5+ years of physical and metal abuse I inflicted on her? Am I overreacting about the no-contact I want her to have with the ex? What is your read on this situation? Am I stupid or commendable.
submitted by Zestyclose_Dog_4923 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 04:51 theconstellinguist Economic Abuse of Palestinian Mothers in Israel: The Case of Participants in a Welfare-to-Work Program

Economic Abuse of Palestinian Mothers in Israel: The Case of Participants in a Welfare-to-Work Program
https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Maha-Sabbah-Karkabi/publication/354109345_Economic_Abuse_of_Palestinian_Mothers_in_Israel_The_Case_of_Participants_in_a_Welfare-to-Work_Program/links/63b7ef5e097c7832ca9665f4/Economic-Abuse-of-Palestinian-Mothers-in-Israel-The-Case-of-Participants-in-a-Welfare-to-Work-Program.pdf
Assistance programs for Israeli Palestinian mothers are insufficient to extract them from economic abuse due to not seeing economic abuse as a real facet of domestic violence. Even the US is barely now putting together how economic violence is violence. Both Israeli and Palestinian sides show toxic masculinity to women in terms of economic abuse. Palestinian women are stuck between a rock and a hard place.
The findings also suggest that the assistance the women receive from the welfare-to-work program has been insufficient to extricate them from their abusive situation.
Non-Jewish Palestinian mothers living in Israel factually see less socioeconomic, civil and political rights. In the US this is unconstitutional, but there are some signs this is becoming normalized in the US as well.
. Israel is considered an “ethnic democracy” that grants most rights to its Jewish citizens, while non-Jewish citizens are less able to exercise their socioeconomic, civil, and political rights (Smooha, 2017).
Palestinian mothers suffer economic abuse in the private sphere, inflicted by husbands and ex-husbands and the public sphere inflicted by the labor market and the norms set by the private sphere, such as not punishing the interruption of gainful employment by abusers.
Our research questions are twofold. First, do Palestinian mothers suffer economic abuse in the private sphere, inflicted by their husbands or ex-husbands, and in the public sphere, inflicted by the labor market and welfare laws? If so, how do the women describe the forms of economic abuse? Second, how do women who have suffered economic abuse—whether they have left the abusive situation or remain in it— perceive their participation in the WTW program as a platform for economic independence and as a source of resilience?
Women see extreme social criticism when they are the breadwinner in Palestine or when Palestinian, even in Israel.
Therefore, the breadwinner norm is still highly dominant and the woman is still expected to be the primary caregiver in the family. Women bear the burden of proving that they can combine their dual family and employment roles successfully in the face of social criticism and sanctions by their husbands and families (Sabbah-Karkabi, 2020).
The willful enforcement of the dependence of women by men purposefully reduces their bargaining power which therefore impairs their ability to exercise their rights. This should be a screaming red alert when paired with the fact that these non-Jewish women have to just accept they’re not treated as worthy of the same quality of law as Jewish women. This should show how domestic violence is used to keep inequality in place. This can especially be seen by non-Jewish women not being seen as worthy of protection from sexual harassment and not seeing the same enforcement, often to keep them down and unequal. This shows how war creates injustice, injustice creates incongruent boundaries upon exchange values, and incongruent boundaries upon exchange values ultimately cause economic collapse. Essentially, the effects of war create economic collapse, no matter where they are happening in the globe. Nobody is immune.
claims that the dependence of women on local employment and the lack of state supervision, especially in the private sector, reduce their bargaining power and significantly impair their ability to exercise their rights to receive fair wages, overtime wages, and protection from sexual harassment.
Male abusers control the finances. As part of severe abuse, they may force women to beg for money. They may put them on a strict allowance or exclude them from financial decision making; worst of all they may deliberately intercept the completion of their education, forbidding formal or informal employment.
Olufunmilayo (2008) identified partner economic abuse against women as situations in which a male abuser maintains control of the family finances, deciding on his own how the money is to be spent or saved and thereby reducing the woman to complete dependence on him to meet her personal financial needs. It may involve putting women on a strict allowance or forcing them to beg for money. It may also be expressed by excluding women from financial decision making, preventing them from commencing or completing education, forbidding their formal or informal employment (Meler, 2016; Durusay, 2013), or controlling their access to dwelling land resources (Abou-Tabickh, 2010; Anitha, 2019).
Even if the woman earns more, it is seen as less important than the male’s earnings, even if they are less. This mirrors how justice is strong for the Jews but not for the Palestinians in Israeli territory. This ironically hegemonizes and makes politically valid the use of domestic violence to enforce inequality through dependence. The irony is this then goes and effects Jewish women, who think that the apparatus that keeps Palestinian women down is protecting them, when in fact in the dynamics of the courts and the private lives of Palestinian women, their own unjust treatment among men is being hegemonized, creating the very losses that Jewish women often complain about.
To date, masculinity continues to be associated with the breadwinning role, and the husband’s economic contribution to the household tends to be seen as having greater value than the wife’s, regardless of how much the woman actually earns (Deutsch et al., 2003). The wife’s salary is seen as supplementary income or pin money earmarked for specific purposes and treated as less important than the husband’s wages, even when it is essential for keeping the family out of poverty (Zelizer, 1994)
A complete inability to even see economic violence as real violence barely being transcended recently in the US makes it difficult for women to complain to the authorities who don’t even see the concept in many nations across the world. Indeed, it is seen as “healthy” and treating those undergoing domestic violence as given the same opportunities as someone not undergoing them and therefore the one not going them is more worthy has been normalized across the world as “more fit” simply due to being willing to inflict unsustainable use of force to win a short-term comparison.
In Israel, like in many other countries, the legal system has mainly recognized physical and emotional abuse but has not incorporated a definition of violence that includes economic abuse (Krigel & Benjamin, 2020; Peled & Krigel, 2016), making it difficult for women to complain to authorities. Indeed, the institutional context tends to silence economic abuse, viewing it as part of men’s traditional devotion to the “good provider role.” Thus, the husband’s control of the family finances is mainly perceived as natural and inappropriate for judicial intervention, and how economic resources are handled in the household is considered part of the private sphere of the intimate economic relationship within the family.
Where comprehension doesn’t exist, enforcement cannot exist. The complaints cannot be taken when they can’t be comprehended and then the women are exposed to even more abuse as a result of reporting to someone who didn’t understand how economic violence is in fact violence.
In the absence of formal recognition, complaints to authorities are disregarded and women are often exposed to even more abuse as a result (Krigel & Benjamin, 2020; Renan-Barzilay, 2017).
Gains in financial resources put women at greater risk of abuse as they exit poverty. They may feel they are being punished for doing well in particular, having necessary resources cut short before they have the savings to smoothly transition. Evidence from their abusers show this on purpose, showing how patriarchy in poverty is its own worst enemy.
Moreover, women may be vulnerable to abuse not only when their resources are low and their economic dependence high, but also while in the process of gaining resources, when adequate employment moves them to greater economic self-sufficiency. Indeed, sometimes gains in financial resources put women at greater risk of other forms of abuse at the hands of their intimate partner or ex-partner (Sanders, 2015).
Fear of loss can inform a possessiveness, but also a fear of not being needed. Isolation and literally being unable to do even stereotypically feminine things such as shopping and socializing can be seen in Palestinian mothers residing in Israel and their private lives.
Several interviewees said their husbands strongly restrict their entrance into the labor market regardless of the geographical location of the job. For example, Naram, a divorced mother of one, describes the power relations and control that framed the abuse she experienced: Before the divorce my husband would go out to work and I was forbidden [to work]. Because he prevented me. He kept making excuses and it seemed like it wasn’t right for me to work. It was more appropriate for me to stay home. He kept refusing to let me work. I would beg him to go to work. Not because of the money but … to enrich myself, to [do] something. But no, he always locked me in the house. The truth is, he shut me down and even … everything he would do, even going shopping was not … he would do everything. Both shopping and working and earning a living
Violation of women’s efforts to integrate into the labor market purposefully lowers their financial independence and overall limits the total financial wellbeing available to everyone, putting agencies at risk of being commodified and creating pockets of irrationality that result from that
. Some jobs require an advanced level of education, training, and social networking that the women lack. Certain jobs are prohibited by male relatives and gender norms. This form of economic abuse, involving violation of women’s efforts to integrate into the labor market, impedes their development and has implications for their ability to achieve financial independence (e.g., Alexander, 2011).
Gender penalties are normalized in this area whereas in the US things like “gender based firing” are theoretically completely illegal
The revealed patriarchal control of the Palestinian woman’s employment sphere, as a form of economic abuse, is in line with Abu-Rabia-Queder’s (2017) claim that binary and dichotomous gender division preserves the patriarchal structure through the compartmentalization of women in the domestic space. As a result, women are subject to gender penalties that prevent the imbalance of accepted gender divisions.
Money that isn’t used in certain gender patterns is attempted to be taken away. This has been seen, just like the Ukrainian issues of extreme police corruption including struggles with police as being literally an arm of human trafficking in post-USSR countries is seen to have begun testing and infiltration the United States. Nowhere is immune.
If Manar says the money is intended for her own expenses, she is subject to condemnation. Her economic abuse is manifested in the fact that money can be used in certain gender patterns. Daniya, a married mother of two, says her husband’s salary is deposited in a bank account from which they can take money when they need something. Nonetheless, she is unable to withdraw funds directly from that account, but only through her husband’s mediation, and her husband is not always willing to allow her access: Q: Do you also hear “no”? That he cannot give you money? It happens? A: Yes, a lot. Q: So? A: It’s hard, but what can I do? Asked for an example, she says: “I asked [for money] for my daughter’s private math tutor and he declined.”
It is normalized for men to deprive women out of money in these communities, however, they are deprived of legal power to push sufficiently back. This comes to affect everyone in moments of vanity where people think it is just isolated to one population.
Our participants’ narratives describe just such a situation, one which allows men to deprive them of money and to use patriarchal relations to gain more power over them.
Economic abuse often becomes harsher post divorce, showing revenge or punishment for divorcing someone. Especially in the misogynist community that is extremely high in narcissism, revenge behaviors are mostly seen on people with narcissism.
” Shirin’s description of the economic abuse she experiences from the father of her children supports Krigel and Benjamin’s (2020) claim that economic abuse often becomes harsher postdivorce when abusive partners seek revenge or punishment.
Moving away and reducing dependence is key
Laila’s statements point to the implications of the program for empowering women on their path to economic independence so that they can reduce dependence on abusive partners or move away from them.
Putting women on an allowance, forcing her to beg, excluding her from financial decision making, restricting, blocking or interfering with employment all follow the same pattern
Specifically, our findings uncover situations in which the male abuser maintains control of family finances, while the female has little say in how income is used, making her dependent on him for funds with which to meet their children’s needs, her personal needs, and run the household. According to the narratives, such control is manifested in various forms: putting the woman on a strict allowance, forcing her to beg for money, excluding her from financial decision making, depriving her of child support, and restricting or blocking her formal or informal employment.
Preventing the gain, use and maintenance of resources is meant to specifically target a woman’s ability to support herself even if she can without this active domestic violence meant to prevent her gaining, using and maintaining resource. It is an active disabling over another human for means of enforcing inequality, exactly what Palestinians complain about in the Jewish community in their treatment in the courts.
Others ignore their financial responsibilities, leaving the women (particularly ex-wives) without means to meet their family needs. These everyday practices of economic abuse affect the women’s ability to obtain, use, and maintain economic resources, which may threaten their financial security and their potential to support themselves and keep them dependent upon an abusive partner (see, e.g., Krigel & Benjamin, 2020).
The male partner serves as the gatekeeper of the patriarchy just as a Jewish judge serves as the gatekeeper of rights for Palestinian women in Israel. Similar to how men see more justice in the US areas that are slowly dilapidating, Jews see more justice in Israeli courts. The same dynamics are replicated in the assignment of money in privately abusive intra-Palestinian private lives for these mothers.
Through financial restrictions, the male partner or ex-partner serves as a gatekeeper of the patriarchy through gender power relations and family decision making processes, blocking the woman’s ability to achieve economic autonomy and integrate into the labor market.
Recognition has been helpful, but it has not extricated them from economic abuse. This is due to multiple marginalizations, especially when at least two (Palestinian/being a woman) have two separate “police” forces committing the same error of principle but not realizing it because they are enforced on separate categories.
The protection and assistance the women receive from social services, particularly their integration into the Woman of Valor program, has been helpful, but it has been insufficient to extricate them from the economic abuse. The women’s multiple marginalizations stem from structural relationships between gender, ethnonationality, religion, and status.
Without enough protection mechanisms which are often a product of accumulation of many types, these women are unprotected from men’s controlling practices that are not just to do with the police, but also to do with how the assignment of justice is replicated in private relationships with these women in the same ways Jewish judges treat Palestinians in the Israeli court system.
However, although the interviewees find the program supportive, without significant state protection mechanisms the women are ultimately left to their own fates, unprotected from men’s controlling practices (see also Krigel & Benjamin, 2020; Renan-Barzilay, 2017).
submitted by theconstellinguist to economicabuse [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 03:55 mysteryzkey I feel like my wife is spiraling and I don’t know what to do.

I feel like my wife is spiraling and I don’t know what to do anymore.
My wife (30F) and myself (33M) have had some big changes over the past year. We ended up moving and having our first and only child together. Having to raise a baby on our own without support of our families has been difficult, but I find it manageable. After having our child I know I was meant to be a dad. And if things got better in the future I’d be delighted to have a second. Additionally, I’m blessed that I got 12 weeks of paternity leave and so I had hoped that this transition could be eased into before I went back to work full time leaving my wife at home with the baby as a SAHM. However, From the beginning I knew my wife was having a hard time. Any time the baby would cry it seemed like she would just react so quickly to being frustrated. I know babies can be finicky, there were times where I’d try the big three, bottle, diaper, sleep. Would have to circle though those a few times, but I just saw that as part of caring for an infant. They don’t even know what they want sometimes. I often felt that with my wife once she tried each thing once the baby is now “inconsolable” and she’d get so frustrated. Seeing these stresses ive done just about everything can to lighten the load. I cook most meals, I do the grocery shopping, I do dishes often, and run laundry and I’m never afraid to pull a vacuum out or wipe down a counter if I see something that needs cleaning. Now I know I don’t deserve any kudos for that, it’s just part of being in a relationship, if one person is struggling. You do what you can to help them out.
She’s always had an issue with self medicating, before I met her it was with alcohol, and after I met her it was marajuana. I’m super thankful she gave it all up after getting pregnant. She did try to hide/sneak delta 8 from me about 4 months after our daughter was born but nothing since then. Things have continued to get worse though, it’s no doubt she has post-partem depression/anxiety. She thankfully agreed to see a doctor who is now prescribing a 3rd medication for depression and one for anxiety. This depression medication seems to be working the best with the least side effects but the anxiety medication just makes her sleepy. So today I get a text from her asking if we can talk, followed by her suggestion that she wants to use delta 8 as a “just when my anxiety gets bad”. I was disappointed to say the least, it feels like something to just cover the symptoms and not fix the problem. So I implored her once again to actually talk to a mental health professional. Which is something she’s said she wanted to do for close to six months now and asked her why she still hasn’t done it.
This is where my fuck ups are, we had never fight, like ever. But since we’ve had our baby we’ve had 4. Once was when I caught her with the delta 8 pen, smoking behind my back. Once was after bottling up my frustration because of her getting frustrated over our daughter crying I said to her “I don’t understand why this is so hard for you.” And the subsequent two were over my outburst of yelling at her what I said in the last sentence and me expressing to her that I was starting to get burnt out too by taking on so much. She now feels like she can’t come to me with her problems. She doesn’t feel comfortable expressing her mental health struggles with me. I’ve tried my hardest to refute that thinking as well, I’ve said point blank to her face. Please talk to me, let me help you. And she just says that she “knows I don’t have the ability to help her” or “ You can’t handle it.” And she stated that the reason why she hasn’t gone to see a mental health professional is because it would be too hard with me at work. I told her that my job is a non issue, she can drop the baby off with me while I’m at work and can go to her appointment. But she seemed to act like that wasn’t going to work.
I know I’ve rambled a ton, and I’m sorry. I guess I just don’t get it. I want her to get help, I want her to get better. I want us to be a happy family. I just don’t know what to do any more. I don’t know what to say or offer to her to make things better.
TL:DR -Wife has PPD/PPA, seems resistant to talk therapy and wants to try Delta 8.
submitted by mysteryzkey to relationships [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 02:30 Queenbreha Season 7 Episode 12 To Whom It May Concern

Richard is telling Christopher a Big Game story and The Gilmores and Haydens are making polite small talk in Emily's hallway Richard offers Christopher a Cuban cigar but only if he stays. They all stashed their quail in their napkins and are trying to figure out how to dispose it. Christopher suggests the bushes but they did that in 02 They decide they will throw it off a bridge. Sookie comes over early in the morning with coffee from Luke's and muffin tops since they are Lorelai's favorite part. (I'm with Lorelai on this one) Lorelai wonders why she is there so early Sookie needs a baby sitter for their ski trip because the sitter has Mono. Lorelai says the muffin tops taste like a bribe. Lorelai tells Chris and as long as Sookie doesn't need anything from him he has a good day. He shipped his daughter to Grandma and with Lorelai away he can install the Flat Screen
Sookie is too emotional about the babysitting Chris likes the coffee until he finds out it's from Luke's Rory leaves a note on Lucy and Olivia's door. Chris is ready to install the TV and Lorelai realizes he is using her hair conditioner
Luke is sitting in the courthouse and his lawyer comes up Luke is asking about the case and he is telling him to be quiet. Luke asks Anna if she parked in the garage, Anna is annoyed and acting superior. She says he doesn't paint a picture of a capable father. She accuses him of bailing on Lorelai and got divorced on a heart beat. Anna is just evil
Rory arrives at her and Paris apartment and Paris is planning for them to apply for fellowships and she has a chart
Lorelai shows up at Jackson and Sookie's house Davey is hiding and then excited to see Lorelai Sookie can't figure out what to wear Sookie is getting hysterical about leaving the kids.
Richard has office hours for students and Rory goes to visit him. Richard asks if she is there as a granddaughter or butter him up. Paris wants to know if Richard can set up a meeting with Paris, Rory and the Dean. Richard starts to tell Rory about his plans and he notices she is distracted. He asks what's wrong and she tells him about Lucy and she sent her a letter. Richard says anyone who knows you knows you wouldn't purposely hurt anyone.
Sookie and Jackson return early. Lorelai is concerned because she didn't have time to clean up. Jackson knocked Sookie's drink over and wouldn't let her ski. Lorelai is asking Jackson what is wrong. She realizes that Sookie is pregnant. She asks him about the vasectomy, he said he didn't want it and Lorelai says he should have told her but he said no reason because she was staying on the pill but Lorelai says Sookie went off it last month. He goes inside and tells her she is pregnant and Sookie storms off with Lorelai.
April's lawyer is comparing Luke to the school bus driver. The judge agrees that is a stretch. She implies that he only recently revealed himself. Luke defends himself that April looked for him and he doesn't work in a diner, he owns it.
Sookie is ranting and raving about being pregnant. (I get that he lied to her but she never should have demanded a vasectomy) Sookie says there were less than 4,000 diapers left. Now there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Sookie says all babies are is eat, sleep, poop. Lorelai says babies are cute, and first bath. Sookie says Lorelai is playing dirty trying to make her think having a baby is okay.
Paris is suggesting that they do some volunteer work in March. Rory is looking sadly at Lucy. Paris goes over to yell at Lucy Paris tells Lucy Rory is a great friend and she should forgive her. Lucy forgives her because Rory is Rory. She tried to figure out what she would do in her shoes. She and Olivia tried to act it out and she broke up with Marty.
Chris has installed the tv but Paul Anka says it's not straight. Chris is looking for the level
The judge asks what Anna has done to prepare for April. She is Miss Perfect mother and Luke's lawyer says they aren't contesting that. They are upset that Anna is cutting him out of her life. Luke over-reacts and is defending himself badly. Chris is looking for the level an he finds a copy of Lorelai's letter for Luke. The judge reads the letter Lorelai wrote. She says she has known him for ten years and she never felt alone since they became friends and he has always been there for her daughter. He has been a father figure in her daughter's life. Chris just wants to cry like a toddler
Lorelai comes home and is gushing about the TV. Chris says he read the letter, that sounds like a love letter. Chris asks if their marriage is just marking time. He admits she had deep feelings for Luke. She is explaining it was a character reference. Chris is asking if she still sees him. He says he knows she is not done with him. Chris asks her to say she is not in love with Luke. She says it. Chris says, he should have seen the signs, why she didn't want to move, why she doesn't want the wedding party, why did she hid the letter. He says he can't be her rebound.
Lucy, calls and invites Rory and Paris to go tray sledding. Lorelai wakes up to an empty bed and looks sad, the phone rings and it's Luke to tell her he won thanks to her letter. He gets shared custody, half of the holidays, half the summer and one weekend a month.
Richard is teaching his class and makes a joke about extensions but then he collapses in front of the class. Rory yells for someone to call 911
This is actually one of my favorite episodes in season 7 Anna loses. It is the beginning of the end of Lorelai and Chris and the Paris/Rory scenes are charming.
submitted by Queenbreha to WholesomeGilmoreGirls [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 02:10 ses1 The Problem of Divine Hiddenness - Refuted

The Problem of Divine Hiddenness [PDH] argument is to demonstrate that, if God existed, He would (or would likely) make the truth of His existence more obvious to everyone than it is. There are many different “flavors” of PDH, but they are all similar in that they comprise basically the same core: two idea that are supposed to be incompatible with each other:
1) the existence of God and
2) the occurrence of some kind of “nonbelief” phenomenon.
I will be examining the PDH put forth by Schellenberg, since his seems to be the most popular at the moment.
Definitions:
God: Given that this is a Christian debate forum I’ll define God as most Christians do, as He is described by the Scriptures: Omniscient, Omnipotent; Perfectly Loving, Holy, and Just. God has other attributes, but for this discussion I think these will suffice.
Non-resistant- non-belief [NRNB] – when someone who is (i) not resisting God and (ii) capable of a meaningful conscious relationship with God, and yet (iii) does not believe that God exists.
The PDH argument The core of Schellenberg’s argument is simply that:
1) God would ensure that there are no nonresistant nonbelievers,
2) but since there actually are nonresistant nonbelievers,
3) we must conclude that God does not exist.
This is how Schellenberg argues:
1) Necessarily, if God exists, anyone who is (i) not resisting God and (ii) capable of meaningful conscious relationship with God is also (iii) in a position to participate in such relationship (able to do so just by trying). (PREMISE)
2) Necessarily, one is at a time in a position to participate in meaningful conscious relationship with God only if at that time one believes that God exists. (PREMISE)
3) Necessarily, if God exists, anyone who is (i) not resisting God and (ii) capable of meaningful conscious relationship with God also (iii) believes that God exists. (From 1 and 2)
4) There are (and often have been) people who are (i) not resisting God and (ii) capable of meaningful conscious relationship with God without also (iii) believing that God exists. (PREMISE)
5) God does not exist source
Thesis: The Problem of Divine Hiddenness [PDH] is not a problem for Christians, as it fatally fails on a number of counts:
A) it is faith/trust/repentance, that is important not mere belief
B) God has morally sufficient reasons to hide Himself from certain people
C) Critics cherry-pick data
D) the existence of non-resistant non-believers is unprovable
Objection A - it is repentance/faith/trust in Jesus – i.e. that He is who He says He is, and will do what He says He will do - that’s what is vitally important, not mere belief in God’s existence. God’s purpose is that we repent and come to trust Him [i.e. have faith] not just merely believe that He exists; that mere belief does nothing for our relationship with God.
Most assume that the word ‘faith’ is more or less synonymous with the word “believe,” but the Bible is careful to communicate that it is not. James says: “Even the demons believe—and shudder!” James 2:19.
Many understand the term repentance to mean “a turning from sin.” Yet in the Bible, the word repent means “to change one’s mind.” Paul declares, “I preached that they should repent and turn to God and demonstrate their repentance by their deeds” (Acts 26:20). The short biblical definition of repentance is “a change of mind that results in a change of action.”
The book of Acts especially focuses on repentance in regard to salvation (Acts 2:38; 3:19; 11:18; 17:30; 20:21; 26:20). To repent, concerning salvation, is to change your mind regarding sin and Jesus Christ. In Peter’s sermon on the day of Pentecost (Acts chapter 2), he concludes with a call for the people to repent (Acts 2:38).
Peter calls the people who rejected Jesus (Acts 2:36) to change their minds about that sin and to change their minds about Christ Himself, recognizing that He is indeed “Lord and Christ” (Acts 2:36). True repentance is prompted by “godly sorrow,” and it “leads to salvation” (2 Corinthians 7:10).
Repentance and faith can be understood as two sides of the same coin. It is impossible to place your faith in Jesus Christ as the Savior without first changing your mind about your sin and about who Jesus is and what He has done. Whether it is repentance from willful rejection or repentance from ignorance or disinterest, it is a change of mind. Biblical repentance, in relation to salvation, is changing your mind from rejection of Christ to faith in Christ.
Thus, merely believing in God's existence sans repentance and trust in Jesus does nothing for one's soul.
Objection B - God has morally sufficient reasons to hide Himself from certain people. The basic idea is that many non-believers, would NOT come to repentance/faith/trust in God even if God's existence were not subject to doubt. And their moral conduct wouldn’t improve, and might even increase. However, immoral conduct in such a state of affairs would be even more immoral since they know that Jesus is God and every sin is now a willful violation, and hence justly subject to greater punishment. Jesus affirms there are different degrees of punishment – see Matthew 11:20-24; Luke 12:47–48; Hebrews 10:28-29; 2 Peter 2:20-22; James 3:1-2; Matt. 10:15 - in the next life. But even more importantly, our level of knowledge and understanding is, in part, the basis for this punishment.
Thus, God mercifully remains ‘hidden’ to limit their moral culpability.
Objection C - Critics cherry-pick data – Critics say, for this argument [and others like the problem of evil] that God is omnibenevolent or Perfectly Loving. Where do they get this idea? From the Scriptures or from Christian via the Scriptures. But there is data that is ignored. For instance, the Bible clearly states that non-believers are in rebellion and are not non-resistant.
To consistently use the Bible would be the death warrant for the PDH, for to be consistent, they would have to use all of Scripture to define God and man rather than just what is convenient for the hiddenness argument. The fact is that the Scriptures present a worldview radically different from that presented by critics, the most significant and obvious distinction between a secular worldview and the biblical worldview is the nature of man.
According to Scripture, man is not a morally-neutral being but is a sinner and in a natural state of rebellion against his Creator (Rom 3:9–19; Eph 2:1–3; Gen 8:21; Col 2:13). Man does not reject God because there is no evidence for God, but because man twists the evidence to justify His own rebellion and hate of God (Rom 1:18–23).
The critic cannot even begin to argue against the existence of God via the PDH unless he can prove God’s omni-benevolence, but the only option for that is to approach the nature of God from the Christian worldview [lest a strawman is built] but, this worldview is not compatible with the moral neutrality of humanity as asserted by the PDH, and thus an appeal to the Christian understanding of God is self-defeating.
Objection D - the existence of non-resistant non-believers is unprovable, since nonresistant non-belief is a thought of the mind. If I were to state, “I was thinking about taking my daughter out for a ride on my motorcycle,” how would I go about proving that I thought about that? I cannot prove that I am thinking such a thought, for the mind cannot be observed in such a way. Thus, those whom I share this information with must simply take me at my word.
If a believer approaches an unbeliever and says, “I know God exists because God speaks to me through my thoughts via His word,” do you suppose that the unbeliever would accept this statement as evidence that God does exist? Hardly. What if, instead of one believer, one million believers approached this unbeliever and made the same argument. Would the unbeliever then accept that as evidence that God exists. Highly unlikely.
Why then should we believe the testimony of a non-believer when they say they are non-resistant?
Furthermore, it seems likely that a non-believer would be biased towards thinking that they are non-resistant since this proves their stance that God doesn’t exist or that they are justified in their non-belief.
Thus, the non-believer cannot prove they are non-resistant, and they have every reason to be biased in their assessment of their non-resistantance.
Conclusion: Given the four objections above, the PDH is not a problem for Christians. Any of these four objections are fatal to the PDH, in and of themselves, independent of any other objection.
Other posts you may be interested in:
Seven Facts About Biblical Slavery Prove that It Was Not Chattel Slavery
But I thought Christianity was based on blind faith...
Scientific prayer studies are fatally flawed
The argument that one's faith/religion is due to where one lives/culture is a logical fallacy.
The Early Dating of the New Testament
God as a source for objective morality - a proposition
Belief in religious propositions IS a matter of choice
There is NO evidence for God!
submitted by ses1 to ChristianApologetics [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 02:05 PeskieBrucelle Tinkers, Hobdays. Polly ???, Myths, folklore, illness, trauma, and the end of the branch that makes me, me.

For a decade online there's been debate about a census record of a person named polly with 3 question marks beside her name. The confusion of Abraham Tinker, and Edward Tinker. And the confusion of who Polly Hobday was.
Or the letters, written by Edward to an Elizabeth during the murder trial in which he was hanged.
Or the existence of William.
Or the existence of eastern Cherokee tribe ties.
Or the existence of tinkers with the Osage tribe
Or the influences of missionaries, adoptions, kidnapping, enslavement. Enslaved.
The wheel that turns by Louis f burns and the valuable influence to the Osage history of his tinker ancestors, and the struggle to find a copy to confirm
Interracial marriages, trail of tears, land stolen, and wars.
Confusing indigenous influence, confusing oral histories.
A bad game of telephone. Sparked by generations of identity complexes, greed, confusion, and romantization of small traces of shared blood.
Blood, that carries the DNA, and the genes that make my family. Sick.
Generations of cancer. Multiple kinds. Neurological disorders. Mental disorders. My spinal disorder.
Which led me to getting sterilized, to end the cycle with me. I'm the final leaf in the branch.
Why I'm posting about all of this,I recently made a post about the oral history of the "Cherokee princess" myth in my family.
It's led me down a weird journey, one that I'm having to sort out information, and complex triggers I didn't really reconize till now.
In doing so I've looked at my dad's DNA matches with skepticism and I will also be doing mine too.
I've been reading very valuable information from "Tink" Tinker who is a theology professor and has written such important journals about the nuanced, complex, dark, and most of all important histories of the colonization of indigenous culture and how they influenced indigenous people as well.
I don't beleive I'm in relation to him whats so ever, however the vast research and critical eye to so many events and things have been extremely helpful in my goal of looking at my own family.
Unlike the Cherokee syndrome that took off during the time my dad was a kid, one thing kind of confused me.
My dad, grandmother, aunts, all talk about how my great grandmother whom I seen a few times when young actually could speak some "cherokee". I found out as well when my dad was very young my great great grandmother was very much alive and in his life as well in his early years.
The problem is this. I'm my father's only child. My dad, married my step mom and most of my life my interactions with my dad's side of the family, at most happened during the times I was 5-8 years old. Every time I went to my great grandmother's, my grandmother's, and even growing up my own father has always had indigenous inspired decor. He still does.
I have adopted Lakota family, so as a kid this concept of indigenous identity became unfortunately this obsession to try to deal with trauma going on around me. I had two issues. I was trying to understand the Cherokee family history, and the "gypsy" history that also was told to me on my mother's side. I know... I know...
All of this, is alot. It sparked old issues. Old wounds.
I would often fall into my own imagination as a child. The problems I had as a kid had to do with my lack of self identity due to parentification put onto me when I turned 6. Then the complex trauma of having step siblings, family, and my dad remarriage behind my back. I had an autistic step sister who was very violent and a step brother that would get away with things, and I'd be punished for them. From one dysfunctional family, to the other.
When I moved when I was 8, I didn't even see my grandmother until I was 16, and again for a suprise Thanksgiving visit in 2018. In which she and my step grandmother who was one of the few of the step family that made me feel like actual family became fast friends.
These small, short parts of my life connecting to my actual biological family has been so limited, but all I've had. It was a greif I never was able to explore because when I'd say "real family" I was punished. Identity became difficult. I had to be a mom, when I was supposed to be a sister. I had to be a sister, before I could be a friend. I had to be complacent, when adults spoke to me. I had to be seen. Not heard.
When I talked to much, I was called "moter mouth". I became so used to being ignored, that I began ignoring myself too. Now the moter goes off when somthing ignites a trauma response in me.
Any shred of identity I had, was a fabrication. One that I thankfully, grew out of.
My adopted indigenous aunt, and my cousins were the closest thing to family. So indigenous culture I learned was through my aunt whom began trying to reconnect with hers due to never having her own culture in her life. She taught me alot and when I grew out of believing in myths, I beleive her influence on that helped me look at it all with respect.
I wanted to understand, and as I got older I realized the Cherokee princess myth was not real I let it go. The gypsy thing fizzled out fast when I realized it was a slur and It made me feel so icky, it still does, that I quickly put an end to it.
If there happens to be anyone related to Tink Tinker reading this. I'd really like to extend my thanks for his very important influence in the field of understanding various researches into topics. He has provided a complete stranger far more awnsers, and impacted them. I can see why he is such a well respected teacher. If you get the chance, please read his works.
Similar to my aunts influence when I was a confused child, his informative teachings helped me as a confused adult make sure I keep trying to look at all of this coming back up with much more respect.
It reaffirms my own philosophy, you can learn valuable and life changing lessons from anyone. Anywhere. From any walk of life.
The problem that led me to finding his work, was due to a trauma response. The cycle continued, without me realizing it.
What sparked this search was because I had just gotten out of the hospital, for somthing that I neglected to have handled soon enough. Purely, because my family has always treated health issues. Spacifically cancers with one philosophy. "Were all just fleas on a dog's back"
To show an example of this,
My dad went to my graduation with a screw in his foot, before he sought any form of medical treatment. It caused an infection. It caused me to realize a habit, a family habit.
We don't do anything, until somthing festers.
I didn't do anything about my gallbladder, dispite many serious issues. Until it was literally, festering. Putting it off, because I was too focused on my step family and the trauma going on right now. The dysfunction that led to my worsened health, and the dysfunctional family system connected to my step family being the real roots, that are intertwined in me.
In ways, Strangling, me.
Again.
History repeated itself.
Once out of the hospital, I turned back into that kid.
I wanted, my family. Or, mabye that version of family I've unconsciously still held onto. Looked for. Longed for.
I'm in a complex situation with my step family, and my father is mixed in with it. My step brother told me I'm not family, because ive been trying to stand up for things i never used to. I went to a family event, and only my dad treated me like a daughter. Dispite me getting into it with him.
My step mom, treated me like a threat. It opened up very Old wounds. All of this was mere weeks before I got hospitalized. In which my step mother and brother visited me separately from my father and my adopted siblings whom are step cousins. It sparked that inner child infront of the computer all over again.
Looking through book, articles, newspapers, photos. Hoping she reconized, her family. Or moreso her "Cherokee princess" ancestor.
So much so, I fell into obsession again. Family. Where we come from. What was told to me, that was a lie?
My post I asked. How far back does the white washing go?
I think I really needed to ask how far back, does the trauma go?
In my weeks of intensive researching i decided to take a break, come back slower. More critical, and solid evidence.
Ive learned, Identity is a fickle thing. When you don't understand it, yourself, or even what helped create you today, things become dysmorphic.
I have problems since I was a child seeing myself in a mirror. I see the scary parts of my parents. I see my face morph into something I'm not. I still can't reconize my face.
I always look away from eyes because when I was 4 I got in trouble for looking into my step mother's eyes, and her being so mad at me I guess I told her she has snakes in her eyes when she pulled my face up to hers.
It's a story that's retold and joked about but, I often wonder if I said that because I had problems as a child understanding extreme childhood trauma that had happened to me a year prior. Anger behind the eyes was my earliest trigger, before I ever knew it.
2 weeks ago, I looked into her eyes. I didn't get bit by the snake. Or, I thought.
After the hospital I been experiencing myoclonic spasms. I have Neurological issues that are diagnosed so I got scared. The spasms i usually get are below the waist or one limb due to the spine damage. I've always had night terrors, spasms, screams, and shaking in my sleep. Ever since I was 4.
Waking up to my entire body and head shaking, then unable to sleep because once I drifted again, it happened.
Its explainable, so somthing unexplainable to me scared me. Later I realized it's probably from the medications. Sadly panicked before I could be rational in which I feel emberessed as I try to be rational as much as possible.
My step mother. Sister, and brother have seizures. I've helped them through them. So i knew what one looked like.
I didn't think it was a seizure like that but I couldn't sleep. For 4 days. I was a mess. When I was told they are harmless, I began adjusting to them. So much so their frequency has lessened.
Then 2 weeks ago, they came back.
1 week ago. They came more Persistant. I think, it's obvious now it's caused by trauma. The body does such strange things when it's triggered. My life I've always been so disconnected from my body due to medical trauma, neglect, and trauma. Things like that still suprise me when I realize the source of it.
Right after having them though, guess what I did?
Ancestors. History. Archeology. Searching. Searching. Searching..
Today, im supposed to interact with them again.
Guess what I did when I first got up?
Searching. A mystery. Of who polly was.
Those 3 question marks. Staring at me. A name, unknown. Identity, forgotten, erased.
Who was she?
Where did she come from?
What was her life like?
3 questions. 3 distractions.
Who are the tinkers?
Was the indigenous ancestors in my life real?
Who was polly?
3 questions. 3 distractions.
We're they Irish?
We're they Osage?
We're they Cherokee?
3 questions. 3 distractions.
You get the point.
Identity, can be so easily erased.
Blood can be traced, every detail about them can't.
Influence, you leave behind on others are what carries through history. Documents, stories, cultures, and traditions.
People argue about how you should and shouldn't treat family. They express some unspoken oath, when you're family to never defy them. Never turn your back on them. Mine, does all the time. Even though they're step.
Trauma, is what divides family though. People get torn from their family, their cultures, traditions, and have go build themselves adapted to what enviorment they were born into.
It's almost like, everyone is Searching for family. Identity. Validation of what makes them, them.
How much of that is sparked by generational trauma?
How far back, do I need to search to finally see myself in the mirror?
The awnser is there. In 3 questions.
Who am I?
How do I impact people?
Who has impacted me?
Patterns, repeat for a reason.
I hope, my story can help influence those with complex trauma explore the ties of searching for their ancestors, and the influences of people not from the same tree. It's hard. Alot, and likely confusing but I'm ambitious as much as I'm neurotic. I'd like to come back, with a more critical eye, and learn. Not with the goal of finding myself, but the goal, of helping others.
That's why I'm having brick walls. Im building on uneven foundation.
Thank you everyone who's helped me on this path. The resources. The stories, and relatablility you've found in my past post.
I appreciate all of it.
submitted by PeskieBrucelle to Genealogy [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 01:05 ThrowRA-stonedbarbie 29F & 29M boyfriend of 1 year; is he insecure ? Doesn’t trust me or am I the problem?

29F & 29M boyfriend of 1 year; is he insecure ? Doesn’t trust me or am I the problem? + baby Daddy drama
Buckle up this one might be long, appreciate any advice or similar experience 🫶🏼
I 29F of a 4 year old little girl from a previous relationship/marriage of 11 years I split from my 29M baby daddy 3 years ago but lived together for bit after the split ( we both financially couldn’t afford to leave it is what it is we made it work but we knew we couldn’t fix our marriage it was toxic and abusive my daughter deserved better.
I do not want to get back with my BD ever in this lifetime, but we are on friendly terms; Good friends if you want to call it, I don’t hate his guts even after all we went through we were both awful to each other at times but we’ve healed. we always had a plan for our co parenting future to stay good friends and be involved ( example doing zoo trips, or birthdays together)
Fast forward to a year ago the ex moved out; I met a wonderful new guy who was total opposite of my ex and was everything I wanted in a person he is also a dad to one little boy from a previous relationship which I found so attractive in him. We moved in together in the summer. ( he has a pretty strict talk about the child only relationship with his BM)
Now here’s the problem; my baby daddy has been a pretty absent father over the last year since I’ve moved in with my new bf. He pops in once every month or so to see our daughter or asks me to go out with him and her (he has admitted he wasn’t comfortable being alone with her as he’s been absent) he messages me every couple weeks about random stuff like his new car or something random rarely about our daughter. This upsets me and I tell him to step up but you can’t force people to be parents I’ve tried for my daughter’s sake but it’s like talking to a brick wall. He claims he’s “ too busy” so I’ve just went with the flow.
My current boyfriend and I fight a lot when it comes to my BD when he pops in because he says I still care too much or because he sent me a pic of his car and I replied “cool”; and I bend over backwards for him whenever he wants to see his daughter once every month or two and going out with him and my daughter is unacceptable. My boyfriend has stepped up huge to help with my daughter and he’s a great step dad I’m so thankful but at the same time I’m not chasing my BD to be a dad and won’t deny him seeing his daughter like my boyfriend wishes I would and constantly tells me I should be doing ( to me my BD needs to get his shit together and is from girl to girl so personally I’d rather him keep distance while he’s being selfish right now)
I grew up in a family where my mom and dad split when I was 4 and they stayed friends my whole life so it’s normal to me it’s all I know.
Please help because I’m currently at an ultimatum. I love my boyfriend but my BD isn’t going anywhere we’re connected for life and I don’t want my daughter to miss out on memories of both her parents being involved in things ( and to add I’ve tried many times to get all the parents his BM and our kids involved in things together and no luck obv cause bf doesn’t want to see his BM or my BD) my boyfriend just seems so hostile and angry when it comes to my baby daddy being so in and out right now and wants to punish him? And purposely makes comments or remarks to start fight with me when he knows I chatted with my BD about literally nothing and harmless chat never given a reason for him to think I want BD back….
Am I the problem or will my boyfriend never get over the insecurity of me being “good friends” with my EX/BD?!
submitted by ThrowRA-stonedbarbie to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.17 21:22 ThrowA-wyNeedADVICE Some of what follows might be TRIGGERING please continue with caution. I need advice on what to do, my step mother has always had issues with me and now she is saying things to my younger siblings. I don't know what to do, anything will be helpful. I'm sorry if this is to much.

To start this off I'm currently 19 (f). My step mother came into my life when I was 7 years old almost immediately after my mom left my dad. From the start it seemed as though she didn't like me, I would have Daddy daughter days with my dad where we would lay around all day and watch movies. She didn't like that and put a stop to it quickly. As time went on she started yelling at me for seemingly hours of anything she didn't like. She also had a child (9f), she would yell and hit them often also. She never laid a hand on me. I have a brother (10m) and he never really got in trouble with her, he didn't get berated like me and my step-sibling so he didn't understand our anger. When I was 9 me, my brother (12m), step-sibling(11f), dad, and step mother along with my two childhood friends (11f) and (13m) went to California to visit family for the summer. We all went to Six Flags and I lost my purse that had my dad keys, wallet and almost 400 in cash (I don't know why I was allowed to carry it) got lost and every time my dad would step away she would yell and berate me in front of everyone then when My dad came back she was comforting me, everyone told me to tell him when this happened. I didn't want to ruin his relationship and what I thought was his happiness that I kept it quite for two more years. So at 11 years old I tried to tell him and he thought I miss understood what had happened. Her yelling at me got worse. She also started saying that the way I dressed was going to be the reason I ended up a slut. It continued for the next two years and then my step sibling (15f) tried to run away, up until this happened I was living with my mom but after this she decided I was to troublesome for her to handle because I started smoking cigarettes that I was forced to live with my dad. My step sibling was sent to live with their grandmother. Me and my brother moved to stay at my dad's and it got worse because now I was the only one she was yelling at also at this point I had two younger siblings a little sister around 4 years old and a little brother around 2 years old, I was 14 ish. Also around this time my brothers friend moved in at my dad's and told me that my step mother told her I want my dad in a sexual way. I moved back to my mom's after one year at my dad's. Now currently I'm living at my dad's I still haven't spilled my guts to my dad about all of this but now I'm finding out that my step mother is talk about me and my dad to my younger sister who is 10 now. She told my younger sister that my dad is scared of her. She has been making my younger sister feel unloved by everyone. I am physically sickened that she is now doing this to my younger sibling. Also she doesn't punish the kids until she is pissed and they don't get in trouble for anything we would have had our asses tanned for. The youngest, my little brother is 6 and still need milk and a pull up at night. I just don't know what to do about anything. Everyone is telling my to tell my dad everything that I know but I don't know if I could handle ruining their relationship and possibly my dad's happiness even if its fake. I hope someone can help me figure out what to do. I will take everything you have to offer even if it is telling me I'm stupid.
submitted by ThrowA-wyNeedADVICE to FamilyIssues [link] [comments]


2024.05.17 21:04 Professional_Prune11 Human Truama II----Section Thirty One: Father And Daughter

How goes it buds. We are in the end game, there are only 3-4 chapters left in this book. Let's see how they unfold. We have two questions remaining 1: Lysa and Kyroll accepting one another a bit. 2: what happened to Shiksie?
Next chapter we will have the pair returning to Draun, then the follow on will be learning about Shiksie and what horrible things she did since our lad departed. Then we have wrap up of this book chapter.
for now lets get some fresh out of the oven Loaf.
“Henry, would you like to go for a walk?” Nelya questioned as Martinez loaded the dishwasher, having just finished what could be called their first family dinner. Overall, it went better than any of them had assumed it would have. The conversations were varied and light, and the meal itself was filling. Heck, even Kyroll had no issues throughout.
The old Aviex man is in the living room and likely about to fall into a food coma after eating four whole plates of food and downing three beers. None of them minded; while Martinez and Lysa tolerated him, only Nellya loved to spend time with him.
“Sure; that would be nice,” Martinez replied over his shoulder, seeing Nelya and Lysa stuffing the last leftovers into the fridge.
“May I come along? Lysa asked, closing the fridge before leaning onto the island, a beatific smirk on her lips.
With a gentle, motherly smile, Nellya patted Lyza’s shoulder but shook her head. "Not this time, my little Huntress. Your father wants to spend some time with you."
Any semblance of Lysa’s smile died when Nelly told her no, morphing into a childish pout. "Must I?" She groaned loudly.
Nelya hugged Lysa gently, supporting her daughter's need to spend time with her father despite all parties present being aware of her reservations. “You promised to try to work it out with your father, and because you two are leaving soon, now might be your only chance.”
Lysa sighed and tapped her nails on the counter, looking between her mother and the Martinez, trying to think of some excuse she could give to weasel her way out of a solo interaction with Kyroll.
Yeah, he apologized to her, and they agreed to make an attempt to get along, but that didn't mean she wanted to spend time alone with him. She wanted Nelya and Martinez there as mediators; that had to go better than alone daddy-daughter time.
In the past, when she wanted to have a loving father, he was never there when she wanted to have a shoulder to cry on or teach her valuable skills; Kyroll only wished to take an interest when he felt like it—which was fleeting at best.
After her agreements with others, she seems to have backed herself into a corner and can't think of a quick, witty response to get away from this—especially not with how foggy her head has been over the last few weeks. An issue that has been plaguing her all day, along with nausea and fits of moodiness.
"Fine, I shall make an earnest attempt," Lysa conceitedly said, not wanting to rebuke her promise to Martinez, especially after his reaching out for her injured him.
Despite how much she wanted to blame her father for the injuries, both Martinez and Kyroll swore it was just a freak occurrence with hungry animals, so she believed them—her ruh’ha would never lie to her.
"Oh, that's perfect, deary," Nelya chirped, grabbing Lysa into a deeper hug and squeezing her daughter tight enough that she gasped and struggled to return the gesture.
“Now, Henry, go grab your jacket," Nelya said after hugging Lysa, leaving her gasping for air.
Martinez nodded and watched Nelya pirouette and rush out of the kitchen, a skip in her step and giggling like a schoolgirl.
"What's gotten into her?" Martinez asked.
“I haven’t the slightest clue,” Lysa replied, watching her mother vanishing down the hallway toward her room, moving so fast that her pink clothes made her a cotton candy blur. “Mother is usually bubbly; perhaps mine and Father's reconciliation has her in a particularly good mood.”
Martinez shrugged. That was a believable thing, but he wondered if there was more to Motherly Aviex’s current mood. Ever since Martinez and Kyroll returned from the hospital, Nelya had been so sweet he was about to get cavities. It's not that her acting like that was out of character, but she seemed giddier than when they first arrived.
‘I’m going to go get my coat,” Martinez said, stepping toward the back doors to head to the guest house.
“I shall await you two by the door,” Lysa smiled meekly, ignoring the churning pain in her stomach.
—--
After seeing Martinez and Nelya out the door and watching Nelya tug her Ruh’ha up the driveway, hurrying him toward the woods, Lysa shuffled into the bathroom near the kitchen. Typically, she would go the extra distance to use the one in the guest house, wanting her privacy, but that was not viable right now.
Over the last week, on top of her irregular spikes of emotionalism, she also had been regularly plagued by bouts of extreme nausea. It had not reached the point of her vomiting yet, but just having the feeling one hard jerk or a nasty flavor would trigger such a reaction.
To her regret, the nervousness of being alone with her father drove her to the point where she knew she was about to throw up. The fear of how he would act, how she should treat him, and the neurotic worry of them getting into a physical altercation once again pushed her over the edge.
Lysa barely made it to the toilet as the floodgates opened. She gripped the bowl and retched. Every fiber of her being screamed at her to expel the non-existent poison. Retching turned into gaging, gaging into erupting a vile mixture of barely digested food, blood, and bile. The red chunky filled the bowl as her painful groans filled the house.
The only solace that Lysa had in this horrible experience was that the blood was the few minute's worth she drank out of Martinez just before dinner. At least it should be; as far as she knew, she was healthy and had nothing odd going on. She had just been nervous and was overwhelmed the last few weeks—right?
She continued to vomit, and the sounds of her gagging, groaning, and nearly sobbing got louder. As the pain grew, a hefty thumping came from beyond the door, approaching like a rolling tide, followed by thunderous knocking.
“Lysa! Are you alright”? Kyroll yelled through the door.
“I am Alri—” Lysa started attempting to lie, hoping to keep Kyroll away from her. But as if the universe was punishing the attempt, she threw up again, covering her shirt and hair in bile.
“No!” Lysa sobbed, turning her head back into the bowl.
Without thinking or asking, Kyroll tossed open the door and rushed over to Lysa, finding his dear daughter slumped over, clutching the toilet bowl.
"It's okay; it's okay; you'll be fine," Kyroll said, pulling her hair out of the bowl and rubbing her back.
Kyroll chose to do that simply because he did not know what else to do. He was not a medic or corpsman. He could triage minor issues—other than that, his training was to keep people safe until help arrived, he brought them to it, or the danger was dealt with. So, for now, trying to keep her from choking was all he could do.
Liza couldn't help but feel humiliated; she had never had anyone seen her sick, vomiting, or in any way this distraught; not even Martinez saw the effects of her time of the month that badly.
Why did it have to be her father of all people to come to her side when she fell ill for the first time in years?
" don't worry, just let it out," Kyroll encouraged.
Lysa did not need the encouragement. Her body was still forcibly expelling anything she had inside her. Perhaps her lungs or heart would pop into the bowl, ending her humiliation.
As Lysa continued to vomit, she made no attempts to argue about Kyrolls presence; there was no point, and he wouldn't have left even if she had. His stubbornness was something she knew all too well.
After a half hour, Lysa’s body had at long last decided her gauntlet of pain was over. She looked like a mess and felt just as awful. Dried vomit covered her shirt, face, hair, and half the ground and around the toilet.
Along with that, every muscle burned, feeling like she had just gone back to back rounds of fighting Teacher, followed by letting someone hit her with a hammer.
Glancing around and up at Kyroll’s patient, caring gaze, Lysa’s heart clenched. Seeing the horrible state of everything and that she was clutching her father, whom she had been awful to over the last few days, cumulatively put her back into a state of mania.
"Why? You, you should hate me," Lysa quaved. You're not supposed to be nice."
"I'll never hate you. I was stupid, overprotective, and pushed you away, but I'll always love you, Lysa; you’re my little huntress," Kyroll replied softly.
"But I'm awful," Lysa protested.
"No, no, you aren't," Kyroll replied, hugging her tightly, uncaring about the vomit or tears. Finally, holding his little girl again was a dream come true.
It took Liza a moment, but with her father unrelenting in his caring hold, she clutched him just as forcefully and buried her face in his collar.
"Come on, let's get you cleaned up," Kyroll said softly, rubbing his hand on the small of Lysa’s back, just as he did when she was little.
Lysa nodded and stood with him, letting him clean the floor while she prepared the shower.
By the time Lysa showered off and managed to wrangle her emotions back under control, Kyroll had already set out some sweats and a shirt for her. They were her mother's, and unlike the clothes she usually wore, they were bright pink and covered in flowers. But for now, she didn't mind, nor did she think her mother would mind borrowing some clothes.
As she slipped on the simple t-shirt, Kyroll knocked on the yet again. " I put your dirty clothes in the washer. uhhh--- would you want to--- come relax?"
Lysa hesitated when answering that, not because she was angry or anything along those lines. She just had to ruminate on how Kyroll was being so lovely to her, especially after all she had done.
She had yelled about him, talked behind his back, and insulted him for years. She hit him only a few days ago, for stars sake.
Martinez and her mother seemed right about him making an effort, which is earnestly unreal. She was finally accepting that perhaps this trip was not a waste.
"Have Ruh’ha and Mother returned?" Lysa asked, hanging up her wet towel. She still did not trust her father entirely and wanted them to have.
"Not yet; Nelly texted me and said they would be a while," Kyroll explained.
That was curious. The pair must have been gone for almost an hour by now; Lysa estimated that much time had passed based on the sun coming in through the window. She wasn't precisely sure how long her vomiting and clean-up had taken.
She wondered if they had found a pleasant location to bird watch or observe some other section of the wilderness. After all, they both enjoyed nature.
"I shall be out momentarily," Lysa conceaded. " where shall you be?"
"Okay—uh, I'll be in the living room," Kyroll replied, stepping back from the door. His footsteps became quieter as he walked away, leaving Lysa to finish any clean-up she needed to.
Shortly after, Lysa found her father precisely as he said he would be. The sight of what he was doing caused her to smile and take a pleasant jaunt down memory lane—echoes of when she was no taller than key roles flashed in her mind.
Memories of days from when she had been bullied at school and he would snuggle up with her under blankets to watch a movie and ensure that all was all right in his little daughter's world.
Those were pleasant times, and it looks as though good old Dad still knows how to comfort his little girl.
He even had the same blanket, cookies, and tea laid out while digging through her mother's shelves, looking for either a movie or a book for them to relax.
After noticing her presence, Kyroll stopped looking for a movie and looked over at her. "Too much?" he questioned awkwardly, scratching his forearm.
"Not at all," Lysa assured as she walked over to the couch and let the plush surface pull her in.
"Any idea what you want to watch"? Kyroll questioned, showing her a collection of cutesy family cartoons that they used to watch.
Kyroll was barely looking directly at her, likely unsure how he was supposed to act. Still, he was doing almost everything perfectly to make Lysa feel comfortable and to try to bridge some of the gap between them.
Lysa certainly noticed all the effort.
"Can you play Rolala?" Lysa replied pulling the blanket up and wrapping it underneath her.
She remembers the adventure story fondly. But hasn't watched it in years. It was about a young Aviex hero traveling across a fictional version of Avalon, looking for some magical artifact to bring forth the sun and cast away the darkness.
If memory served correctly, the story was a modern retelling of the myth of why the Aviex home planet experienced darkness for days on end and now existed in a near-perpetual twilight.
Lysa was too unfamiliar with old Aviex myths to confirm it, but that sounded vaguely correct. Either way, the sword and sorcery story about fighting monsters and steadfast friends was heartwarming—she found it inspiring as a young lass.
"Okay, no problem," Kyroll said as he selected the movie. After putting it on, he moved to the far end of the sofa and groaned, lowering himself to the surface.
" Do you want some tea? Maybe a cookie?" Kyroll asked, leaning forward and groaning in pain, pushing the tray of snacks closer to Lysa.
"Maybe later," Lysa said, unable to look at the food without her stomach trying to throw up again.
Kyroll nodded, unwilling to push any subject with his daughter, especially when she seemed sick.
As they sat there and the movie rolled, Lysa continued to grumble, grip her stomach, and whined, still feeling like her gut would implode. Each time it happened, she noticed that Kyroll looked over at her and winced like he was feeling the same agony.
Between her spats of pain, Lysa looked at the details of what he had set up. There was only one tea cup and tray; he could not reach them if he wanted to. Had he done this only for her?
She whined, understanding how her father was putting such effort into this attempt at rekindling their relationship. She also understood how all she was doing was giving him a cold shoulder, pushing against and fighting him; ultimately, Lysa was not helping at all.
Thinking back to her promise to Martinez and Nelya, Lysa could not justify her actions. She had to attempt to meet her father halfway, and that was just what she would do.
Lysa stood, holding the blanket tight, and moved closer to Kyroll. Sitting down next to him, she threw the blanket over their laps and leaned against her father for the first time in years.
"They're much better," Liza said, shimming closer and resting comfortably against him. She took in the odd mix of sap, smoke, and cologne that oozed from her father and found it comforting.
His scent was precisely the same as when she was younger and pushed deep into her soul and pulled forth feelings of comfort and safety that existed before she grew up, and they had their fights.
Kyroll froze and remained motionless, unable to comprehend that Lysa was close to him. His mind was racked with a million possibilities for why she might be attempting this. Was it some trick? Was it a cruel joke she would use to stab his heart? Or, by the rare chance, did she actually want to attempt to forgive him?
It took until she leaned against him and spoke for him to accept reality and relax with her.
"Thank you for trying," Lysa breathed
"Thanks for letting me," Kyroll replied, draping his arm over her shoulder.
Lysa smiled and contently sighed, not needing anything else to say.
They both understood their relationship was far from perfect, and this was just the first few steps at repairing what they once had. Even though it would be many years before all was forgiven--- this was a wonderful start.
For the following few hours until they both fell asleep on the spot, both were transported back to when she was a little girl, and he was just learning how to be a civilian and father. It was a time when their family was whole, and they all knew who was there for them.
Maybe one day, years from now, they will fully recapture that feeling. Lysa, Kyroll, Nelya, and even Martinez might just be one big happy family. Both wanted it at this point.
So what did you all think of this chapter? we have more coming along, and likely will be done next week. I just was busy this week and only got the one out. I hope you all enjoyed, and are eager to see where it goes. Please don't forget to updoot, and comment. I will see you all in the comments.
Your Baker
-Pirate
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2024.05.17 20:05 sirialaskaaa Advice for a Step Parent

For context I’m F(27) and my husband is M(39) and he has a daughter F(11). Me and my step daughter hit off right away as we’re a little closer in age than her and her mother F(47). My step daughter stays with us most of the time and will spend some weekends with her mom who lives about 3 hours away.
Quick back story: My husband and his baby mama were FWB and it ended up in a pregnancy while she was married. He wasn’t aware she was married but she ended up leaving her husband for my now husband. From what he’s told me, she was awful to him. Physical and verbal abuse and threatening to take his daughter away anytime they had disagreements or attempted to break things off. After 5 years he finally called it quits and they mutually agreed she would live with my husband as she’s not the most reliable parent.
Now:
My stepdaughter’s mother is very flakey, vindictive, and irresponsible. She’ll often ghost my stepdaughter with no word from her on days she’s supposed to come pick her up, won’t be present for school events, or to spend time with her in general. She’ll also blackmail my stepdaughter in order to get information about my relationship with my husband and will punish her by ghosting her and not coming to see her if she doesn’t give her the answers she wants.
My step daughter is a very angry child. There are days where she seems to be okay with me and enjoys us spending time together but on days her mother doesn’t see her, she lashes out at me and my husband and becomes disrespectful and rude. She also doesn’t like to be told what to do (as a result of my husbands passive parenting) and now that we’re enforcing some rules (simple things like keep your room clean and pick up after yourself) she’s become even angrier and has voiced on occasion that she doesn’t understand why me and my husband got married.
I’m trying to be patient and understanding bc I remember being angry at my mother for similar things around her age and I know how deeply and negatively those events impacted me. Before my husband and I got married I sat down and talked to her and let her know I wasn’t trying to replace her mother but I wanted her to know I’m here for her too and that I love and care about her. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help her or how to go about her angry outbursts anymore. How do I be there for her? I don’t have any children of my own so I’m a little lost.
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2024.05.17 18:53 gracebee123 For those with a bpd parent who turned highly abusive only after you became an adult, can you share your story?

I’m curious to hear your experiences. My mother morphed into someone I no longer recognize. She became deeply angry, someone who rages, thinks she physically owns me, afraid of being unimportant, someone who insults, berates and criticizes me constantly, someone who lies and twists reality to make me evil and a villain against her, someone who distorts and invents what I’ve said or done, someone who is cruel and vengeful, and without any personal boundaries in behavior or personal space. She wasn’t a perfect parent growing up and there’s plenty that was not ok, but this is something different. It’s like she went from semi normal and turned into a monster. I never thought she would be like this, never. I’m NC now, after giving her so many many many chances. I remain stunned that this is who she became, someone so cruel and manipulative and so emotionally unstable, who only operates in one plane; anger. There’s no care or empathy or respect. I know it’s not because of me. I do wonder, wth happened? Why did she morph only in my adulthood? I also wonder if she will do the same to my one remaining adult sibling, over time. And what will happen to my mother’s mental health now as she rots in self imposed solitude, or was she really capable of acting human all along and will choose to do that with friends and acquaintances? It doesn’t matter in the end, but I find this all unusual that she changed so dramatically and has remained so for years, steadily getting worse.
I’m thankful she wasn’t like this growing up. I wish in an alternate reality that she would have finally recognized and understood that her daughter is a good person, and someone who doesn’t need to be punished. It really boils down to that regard, and that opposite viewpoint of hers IS the problem. Of course, it’s not really about me. Nothing ever is, it’s about her, it’s just made to look like it’s about me, and she can live in and focus on that delusion for the rest of her life. I’m sure she will, and that’s a very lonely place to be.
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2024.05.17 18:14 oobanooba- Dark Cuts Ch.15 - Choke It Back Down

Art by u/United_Patriots, Go check his work out, he himself has a pretty good AU series called Nature Of Orion.
A Music track I wrote, Inspired by the contents of this chapter.
Back to the present, (future?) Ahh whatever, that special october 2154! Do you ever wonder why I chose that date? Well, October 13th is my birthday, and it’s the start date of dark cuts! Also yes, in fifteen whole chapters, we’ve only reached midnight on the second day.
As always, thanks to u/Ben_Elohim_2020, u/VeryUnluckyDice, and u/JulianSkies for proofreading. Those three have been a wonderful help as always.
Last but not least, thanks to u/EdibleGojid, my wonderful co-writer, without him, none of this would’ve been possible.

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Memory transcription subject: Taran, Investigator
Date [standardised human time]: October 14, 2154

At that moment, more than anything, I wanted to peel my eyes away from the display. The vile scene… I knew how it would play out, how it would end. I did everything I could to rip myself away from the screen, but I just… couldn’t.
The footage coming in from the classroom had me enraptured in the worst way possible; equal parts fascinating and horrible. Morbid curiosity kept me watching as the drunken arxur hunted the clone, which Selik’s mind presently occupied.
“Youhhh… hehhh… put up a better fight than that kolshhhh did… I’ll give you that much!” Vriss gloated, already assured of his victory as the skalgan tried futilely to claw herself free from his vice-like grip.
So long as Vriss was boasting, he was spilling the information we needed. We couldn't afford for Selik to tap out just yet, we needed more time, more answers.
Glancing at the machine monitor, toward the vital diagram, it reminded me just what kind of pressure Selik was under. Red flashed out along the tail and chest regions and the heart rate monitor threw up several warning lights. It was strange to realise that it represented real pain she was experiencing right now.
Hastily, I tapped out a message on the software pager, ‘Keep him talking.’
The pager was our only line of communication with Selik even though, in reality, she was no more than a meter away, hooked up to this amalgam of wires that posed itself as medical engineering. She couldn't hear us or respond to any form of contact; Prauva had explained that the device blocked all incoming and outgoing information.
I gave a short glance to Selik. Her body looked still and restful; all except for her chest, which rose and fell rapidly, mirroring the clone’s laboured breathing.
“Whhh… What did you do to him?” Selik wheezed, the arxur’s grip on her was so tight that it took great effort to squeeze out the words. I feared her ribcage might just collapse under the arxur’s raw strength.
It had been a while since I had been reminded of the terrifying strength the aruxr were holding back. Muscles designed for the hunt evolved to overpower weaker prey… a description that applied to almost everyone.
“Ehhh… nufin… sadly… he’s not mine to kill… but youuu are.” Vriss’ tongue slipped over the words. We were lucky that he stopped drinking when he did, much more in his system and he might have ended up impossible to interrogate at all.
The arxur opened their maw, dragging their long tongue over the back of the skalgan’s head, they took their time, savouring the moment, not the flavour. They wanted to draw even more fear from their prey. A terrified whine emitted from the clone, to the arxur's apparent delight.
In the back of my mind, I had expected him to… go feral or something. That without his inhibitions he might start randomly killing anything in his path. I knew that wasn’t how predator instincts worked, but prejudice was hard to shake.
It was worse somehow, knowing that as he did it he actually had the control to stop himself, but didn’t want to.
I had seen similar things before.
I’ve watched security footage of the worst of the worst; rape, brutal murders and even sadistic torture. I’ve had them rewatched over and over for me to analyse each and every detail. The times when such scenes would replay themselves in my nightmares had long since passed. There were few things I wasn't utterly desensitised to.
I was plenty familiar with the aftermath of arxur raids too.
My mother's hand in mine, cold, waiting for rescue- I killed the thought before it could overtake me.
But this…
The room was a near-perfect recreation of an old skalgan classroom, with a holo-projector at the front showing the benign math equations a child of the federation might be taught. It was uncannily familiar to me, though the details were muddled; chairs built to the gojid format, not venlil, propaganda posters out of place, not quite belonging to the setting. ‘The Krakotl Exterminator Forces Need YOU!’
Not that Vriss cared about such historical inaccuracies as he tossed the venlil across the classroom, effortlessly breaking her over the teacher's desk. Blood quickly spread out from where a rib had punctured her skin, the orange seeping through her wool.
…This was something else.
The skalgan’s legs fell limp, no longer flailing. She was utterly helpless now. Without any chase left to be had, the arxur would soon claim his kill.
Glancing over to the clone monitor, the lower half of the diagram had turned from red to grey, indicating that the system could no longer connect to that area.
“Shame her spinal cord got severed, broken legs hurt like hell.” Prauva mused from over my shoulder. She looked somewhat entertained by the sight. I frowned, she had a callous attitude towards Selik all night and it rubbed me the wrong way. I wasn’t going to get on anyone's case for harbouring distrust for the killers, but something about her seemed off.
Somehow, Selik maintained her questioning, some hidden source of determination keeping her going. One by one she spat out the pained words, “Where is he going?”
Watching it all in real-time, knowing it was real, happening only a few meters away with nothing you could do to stop it. It was deeply, viscerally, terrifying. My scales were displaying their sickly green, broadcasting my current state of mind to Prauva, and at this point, I couldn't care to suppress it.
“Sssame place I am, the Kaal estate, for his hatchlings uuh…. coming of age.” Vriss finally answered.
The Kaal estate
Three words told us so much more than just where Klien was going, it told us who the boss was, Kaal. The CEO and founder of a small arms company based here in the city of District Three. Ironically my revolver was one of their products. With that information, all I had to do was look up Kaal’s information in a database, use that to find his daughter’s info, and I’d know exactly when this ‘coming of age’ would be. With a little help from Selik's knowledge about arxur culture, we would be set to, not only save Klien but to decapitate the entirety of Shattered Claw.
Mentally, I had written Klein off as dead without even realising it, but now there was a chance. There was hope.
Selik pushed herself off the desk, flopping on the ground behind it with a heavy thud. Her eyes darted around before widening in realisation at what she had done. She was cornered, nowhere left to run.
The arxur crouched over her, smug satisfaction evident in the very way he moved, “It'sss time you stopped asking questions you aren't supposed to knowhh… you’re gonna be a gooood girl and die quietly.”
I winced as he wrapped his claws around her neck. Her eyes looked like they were trying to escape her skull as he squeezed. A sickening, popping, crunch reverberated through the room as her vocal chords crumpled, fragile tissue and cartilage breaking under the pressure. She gurgled in pain, no longer able to scream as blood bubbled out of her mouth.
“Brutal, Isn’t it?” Prauva asked casually, unbothered by the sight.
I turned an eye to the skalgan, the way she… didn't care, It was one thing to be desensitised, which was common in former cattle or those who were unlucky enough to survive multiple arxur raids… this was different. Her eyes met mine, I could swear I spotted a glimmer of some sort of sick satisfaction in them before she looked away.
“This is my life. Every single day, I get to die. Over, and over and over.” She spoke with flat intonation, her sassy facade falling away.
Vriss released Selik from his grasp, looking proud of his work before reaching for her arm, pulling it towards him and clamping his jaw around it. With a twist, he wrenched it free from her body. He waved the severed limb in front of her, giggling with depraved joy.
“Just… food; a plaything to these monsters.”
She continued to talk, taking my lack of a response as permission to carry on.
“Some like to fuck after feasting you know? Have you ever seen that? Someone taking your dismembered corpse and shoving their rancid cock into it?”
I didn't even want to think about it. There wasn't any way I would be able to live with myself if I let this place continue to exist and exploit these people.
“No one should go through that. I promise, we’ll shut this place down and get you out of here.”
Prauva laughed, devoid of actual humour, “It’s… not so simple. I can't just leave. Even if somehow you get rid of Shattered Claw? It wouldn't change a thing as long as they’re still around.”
As Prauva spat those words out, she pointed at Selik. Her idle body remained on the bench, vulnerable and still, like a patient under anaesthesia during an operation, waiting for someone to pull her out.
Vriss tossed aside the severed limb and began to lap up the blood as it gushed out of her wound. “Hmmm, tastessss just like Iron Fffive… fuuuuck… how much did you drinmk-?”
Selik gurgled.
“Mhm don't answer that.”
My mind was finally made up. This was fucked up. I had fucked up, no matter what the arxur had done, nothing could justify putting her through this. “She shouldn’t be going through that. How do we disconnect her?”
“You can’t, no way out while the clone’s alive…” She explained, though I knew it was a lie. She had woken herself up just earlier.
“...Besides, isn't this nice, to turn the tables for once?”
Something churned in me, her rhetoric felt familiar. Things I've felt. Hatred I had kept deep inside. I never trusted the arxur, never liked them, but somehow… Those thoughts and feelings, when repeated to me from her mouth… They felt radical, deranged even.
I glanced toward arxur on the screen, now covered in orange, and saying his last farewell to the venlil below him. “It's beeen fffuhn… I’ll definitely recommend you to the othhherrsss.”
After everything I lost to the arxur, everything they did, and everything they continued to do I had every reason to hate them; To utterly despise them for what they had done, and I did.
I looked back at the arxur in the seat. She had barged in on my case, somehow managing to convince Ketsim to allow her to take it despite my objections. Her very presence infuriated me. What right did a killer like her have to be a cop anyway? What bumbling idiot thought arxur could be capable of anything other than violence and murder?
I could read people well. I knew she had to be concealing some sort of darker motive. There had to be something. Feasting on the crime scenes? Some grand deception; a trap she was luring people into?
Or at least so I thought; no matter what happened, that facade simply refused to crack.
She seemed to hate eating flesh going so far as to shovel plant matter down her throat when she thought I wasn't looking. She was ashamed of her scars, hiding them under human garments, using the weather as an excuse for wearing them. This whole place disgusted her just as much as it disgusted me.
Here Selik was taking the punishment for her species’ crimes just to save one kolshian she called a friend. She didn't have to do that. There was no benefit, nothing to gain. Not unless she genuinely cared.
I couldn’t find a crack in the facade, because there was none.
The arxur on the screen began to tear into the clone with his claws, ripping flesh, bones and organs. Splattering himself with orange, bellowing with glee as he murdered her.
That monster and Selik couldn't be the same. It was irreconcilable, that a creature capable of such cruelty could also be capable of such selflessness.
Whatever terrible rule the arxur followed, she was an exception. She had to be. Maybe she was just one of those so-called ‘defectives’, a concept I would have otherwise laughed at, but it was the only explanation.
I faced Prauva and my scales flickered red in anger for a brief moment before I took back control.
Turn the tables? Is this what it's about?” I demanded answers, what justification she possibly had for what she’d convinced Selik to do.
Prauva wasn't intimidated. “They raided my world, killed my family, but I hid, I survived, and it didn't make any difference. I still ended up as their cattle. Only now, every time I get to relive that moment, wishing I could die. But every time, I wake back up on that chair. Every time, regretting the one time I survived. This time, I finally got the chance to do something back. It’s one, tiny, fraction of what they did to me. One death for hundreds of mine. So yeah, it's nice to see one of them suffer for once.”
The arxur, alcohol finally catching up to him, slumped over what little remained of the clone.
“How do I wake her up?” I repeated the question.
“Why should I tell you?” She replied, without a hint of empathy for Selik.
“I need her help, We’re trying to save an innocent father's life you know?”
“Really? One good deed is all it takes for you to side with them? She gets what she deserves”
I couldn't take it, I didn't care what they had done to her, she was just blindly exacting punishment on whoever she could. It didn't matter what justification she had, it was cruelty all the same; sick and twisted.
I reached for the cable that connected Selik and the computer, my fingers wrapping around it tightly. I wasn’t sure what would happen if I pulled her out suddenly, but it was getting clear that I needed to make a choice. I just hoped it wouldn’t cause any irreversible damage to her mind.
“Wait! If you do that… it’ll kill her!” She yelled, a feeble lie made up on the spot to try and stop me. With her attitude, I doubted she would have cared for Selik’s life. The vindictive skalgan would’ve probably done it herself.
“I don't believe you.”
I yanked on the cable, disconnecting all the wires from the computer in one go. I was rewarded by a sudden gasp as Selik shot up out of her seat. Her eyes darted around the environment, taking in the dimly illuminated facility, glazing over when she looked at me or Prauva. She didn’t seem to register our presence at all.
Shakily, she wrapped her claws around her neck, laughing weakly as she verified it was still there. As her surprise at being alive faded, she went limp, rolling sideways off the seat and curling herself into a ball on the floor, shivering.
She had cheated death, Unscarred, but not unscathed.
Looking at her lying there like that. It sparked some genuine empathy for the arxur, that memory again. I wanted to rid myself of it, bury it, kill it.
I had stashed myself in a cupboard, hiding myself away from… them. Clutching to all I had left of her… all that was left of her.
I turned my back on her. Wiping it from my mind, Selik was an arxur, she didn’t need my empathy.
My eyes returned to the footage from the classroom. Vriss looked like he wasn’t in particularly good shape, he was still slumped over the clone, but his eyes were open darting all over the place and he was shivering, twitching. He hadn’t just passed out, he was overdosing.
“Shit…” I muttered, and Prauva noticed too. We couldn't call help, that would give us away. I couldn’t exactly sneak a body out of here without being caught and I needed Vriss alive if I was gonna ask more questions. I had to go in there and figure out how to keep him alive without revealing myself to him either.
“Fuck, fuck, FUCK! If he dies before he gets out of here, my employer is gonna dock my pay.” the skalgan exclaimed under her breath so as to not be overheard by anyone nearby as we rushed down the hallway.
“Is that seriously what you’re worried about?” I hissed.
“If I don't pay off their so-called ‘debt’ they'll have me here forever.”
It didn’t surprise me, working for a business like this must be worse than death, so it would have been an empty threat. Instead, dangling the hope of freedom at just a paw's length away. That’s how they kept people trapped. People would do so much more for the promise of life, than under the threat of death.
I burst into the classroom, nearly slipping on the bloodied floors but I managed to adjust my stance and keep myself from falling
Vriss twitched and seized, rolling off the clone onto his back. I stood over him as his eyes briefly flicked to me, unable to comprehend what was happening to him. He reached a hand towards me in a bid for assistance.
“Shit, what do I do!” Prauva mumbled under her breath before looking at me accusatorialy “You did this! You have to help me!”
Selik stumbled in, her eyes set on the remains of the clone. She fell to her knees, staring at her clawed hands as if she'd killed it herself. Pain evident in her eyes as she mourned the non-person.
Something snapped inside of me.
My scales darkened all the way to black, matching those of the arxur.
We didn't need Vriss anymore; in fact, if he disappeared now, there wouldn't be any more risk of our involvement getting out. Alcohol poisoning in a club? Just a simple accident. That's if there even would be anybody to find it. Clones were too expensive to waste, no doubt they simply dumped the leftovers into a meat grinder, made burgers out of them and fed them back to their clients or something else equally fucked up.
Monsters like Vriss deserved no empathy.
What a miserable creature one must be, to derive pleasure from another's suffering…
“Why should I help you?” I echoed her words back to her.
“What!?” She stared at me, wide-eyed in shock.
“He deserves this, doesn't he?” I quoted her again.
The arxur’s belly twitched, orange puke leaking from the corners of his mouth before falling back into his airways, blocking them. I watched as he began to drown in the blood he’d spilled, choking down his last meal.
“But what about me? You have to help me!” She begged, her words falling on deaf ears.
“Word of advice, clean up his body before anyone notices.”
“You think you can just get away with this? I’ll tell the-”
“Who would you tell? Your boss? The gang? I’d keep your mouth shut and your head down if you want to live long enough to watch me burn this place to the ground.”
As Selik sobbed, and Vriss suffocated, I remained silent, watching.
A thought bubbled up, strange next to all the angry, hateful, confused and conflicted emotions I felt. A question, sober, but no less cold in its delivery.
“You ever wonder what it would be like if you were born an arxur? Who you'd be? Would you still be the same person, or… would you be like every other arxur?”
Prauva had the audacity to scoff, my meaning failing to penetrate her thick skull. “Are you gonna tell me that I’d be just like her?”
“No,” I said flatly.
I stepped toward Selik, who had gotten a fair bit of blood on her. I’d have to take her through the showers before we left, I put a hand on her good shoulder. Selik, claws shaking, let go of the body, wordlessly understanding my order. It was time for us to leave.
The monster at my feet finally became still. I felt nothing as it died, eyes silently begging me for mercy as the life faded from them.
I turned away from Prauva.
“You'd be just like him.”

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