I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Parking_Breadfruit80
Originally posted to AITAH
Previous BoRU
[New Update]: AITA for refusing to have my dad in my life after he chose his new family?
Editor’s Note: changed letters to names for readability, originally used Logan, but now switched to Luke based on OOP’s latest update.
Editor’s Note 2: Also have removed some older relevant comments as they have been covered in the further updates and needing more space to fit all posts here.
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: verbal abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation, infidelity, gaslighting, betrayal. vandalism, obsessive behavior
RECAP
Original Post (rareddit): April 20, 2024
When I was 13 my dad had an affair and left my mom and moved in with his affair partner who ill call Jane.
At first me and my sister would visit every weekend and I will admit he was a good dad although I never liked Jane.
When Jane got pregnant and had their son our visits became less frequent and my dad was more concerned with his new family. He would miss some of my my recitals or my sisters competitions because he was busy with his son.
When I was 16. Jane decided she wanted to move for a new job opportunity. Me and my sister begged him not to leave us bit he just said "I need to prioritise my family". He moved 10 hours away. That pretty much ended our relationship and I decided to go no contact as it was clear he did not consider me family.
My younger sister stayed in contact with him. He would try and call me and offer for me to come and visit with my sister but I refused. When he came back to see my sister I would refuse to speak to him when he turned up at the house. I didn't invite him to my high school or college graduation.
I'm now 33 and have remained no contact with him, he has over the years repeatedly tried contacting me and getting his family to contact me on his behalf to reconcile. I have avoided family events in case he attended including my sisters wedding and baby showers.
My dad and his family moved back to our home town 3 months ago and he has been relentless trying to reconcile.
I have received messages from my half brother and sister wanting a relationship saying he's a great dad. My dad found out I'm getting married and keeps trying to contact me and has even tried to speak to my fiancé.
Jane messaged me saying I have broke my dads heart repeatedly and I'm pathetic and should get therapy. I replied back that she was nothing but a home wrecking whore and then blocked her.
Everyone seems to be wanting me to let him back in my life. I'm sick of all the harassment and accidentally bumping into my dad and his family in the town. Whenever I see him I just walk away and refuse to speak to them. Everyone is saying he's a good dad and tried his best to remain in contact but I pushed him away.
Everyone is pressuring me my mom, sister. Grandparents aunts and uncles, even some of my friends. My fiancé has even started saying I'm the AH for shutting him out. Its all starting to get to me so am I aita?
Edit:
Thank you for your comments I haven't got through all of them but I'm glad to know that most of you think I'm NTA which is a huge relief as I thought I was going insane.
I'm going to have a serious conversation with my fiancé as most of you pointed out he should have my back. If he continues to defend my dad then I'm going to have to think if this relationship should go any further. We are 12 weeks out from the wedding but need to sort this out sooner than later.
For information
I own a local business moving away is not an option
I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and he is friends with a lot of people including my fiancé family.
My dad did not come back for me - he came back because Jane’s parents need help and care.
He has not financially supported me since I was 17 he withheld my college fund to try and blackmail me into having a relationship with him so I had to work and get loans.
I've avoided events because my family use it as a chance to force reconciliation. He also won't leave me alone and makes scenes - hell come up to me talking as if nothing has happened try to hug me or starts crying.
I cant simply cut everyone off - everyone is on his side and against me including my own mother.
Edit 2
To give you all a bit more context when he left my mom for Jane he only wanted us on the weekend my mom offered him 50/50 but refused.
I didn't like Jane and was standoffish with her because I knew what they had done- my sister was too young to understand and was more accepting of her. Jane was mean to me but nice to my sister when I was at my dad's I felt uncomfortable and she would purposefully leave me out of fun activities or plan things purely for my sister. We had a few arguments over minor things but my dad always took her side. My dad and me used to have daddy daughter date at least once every 2 weeks. Jane put a stop to that.
When she had my half brother we went from going every weekend to once every 6 weeks. My dad was MIA and had finally gotten his precious son. He stopped trying with me.
When they moved I was so upset he chose to leave us. He didn't want custody just for us to visit him every now and again and speak to him on the phone. Parenting at a distance so all of his focus was on his new family
When I graduated from high school and refused to invite him everything blew up Jane called me some terrible names and so did my dad and he refused to give me my college fund unless I started being part of the family again. From what I gathered, he spent it on his new family.
I'm sick of being the one to miss out on events with my family. I would be willing to be in the same room but not interact or even be civil but he pushes things and makes it impossible
Edit 3
Have spoken to my fiancé. Update will be posted shortly
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
OOP on staying away from the father and his family and blocking Jane

OOP: I've tried my best to stay away from him and his family but with it being a small town its impossible to avoid them. Some of the times I've bumped into him seemed a bit too coincidental and feel like it was a set up.
I have blocked Jane can't stand the woman she was always mean to me even when I was a child because I was standoffish. My sister is 5 years younger and was more accepting of her so my sister and Jane have a good relationship.

 
Update #1 (rareddit): April 20, 2024 (10 hours later)
Thank you for all of the comments although most seem to be NTA some were YTA. Some of you gave helpful suggestions which I am planning to take on board.
I have just spoken to my fiancé and unfortunately it has not gone well but at this point in time I've had enough and want to runaway and never come back.
My fiancé knows my history with my dad and Jane. I explained to him that him siding with my father and pressuring me was hurting me and as my fiancé he should be supporting me.
My fiancé who I'll call Luke told me he can't support me in doing something that he knows is wrong. Luke told me that he had spoke to my father and had an understanding of both sides of the story and believes that if we both sit down and talk we can sort this out and reconcile.
I told Luke I don't want this and want no contact and asked why he is even speaking to my father. Luke admitted his father who is friends with my dad encouraged Luke to speak to him and hear him out.
Luke told me my dad loved me very much and always wanted to be in my life and has pictures of me (I'm guessing he got these from my family as my social media is set to private). Luke said my dad is heartbroken at the state of our relationship because I was being unreasonable about him moving away when I was young. Luke stated I got on the wrong foot with Jane and that I was not innocent in the breakdown of the relationship. He told me that everyone can see the truth but me and to look in the mirror because I'm the problem.
Needless to say I broke down crying and asked him why he was doing this to me and not supporting me. Luke claims to love me but won't stand by and watch me be "a heartless bitch".
After he said this I stood up told him that he shouldn't marry a heartless bitch and walked out. I'm currently sat in my car. My phone is blowing up with Luke trying to contact me but I don’t want to speak to him. I feel like I'm losing everything and everyone I dont understand what is happening.
 
Update #2 (rareddit): April 21, 2024
Hi everyone thanks for the comments and letting me sound off on you as I desperately need an outside perspective.
I know a lot of you are telling me to cut all contact with my family and leave town. That is not an option for me financially and I would not be able to set up business elsewhere all my money is invested in it and I have only managed to get established recently with steady income, relocating is not an option for me. I love my friends and family and don't want to cut everyone off, I love my hometown I grew up here this is my life and I'm not willing to walk away from it.
I didn't expect to write another update this fast but a lot has happened today.
So firstly I agreed to meet my dad to talk and try and get him to back off and leave me alone. I asked my mom to arrange it, just him no one else. I wasn't sure if he would agree to that but within 15 minutes of her calling he was at the door.
I asked my mom to stay and mediate. To summarize the conversation. These are a bit messed up because it's a lot to remember.
Me: * I asked him to give me space and stop trying to get everyone on his side and let me live my life.

• I told him he stopped being my father when he moved 10 hrs away
  
• I told him Jane was mean to me and told him about all the horrible things she has said to me over the years.
  
• I hate how he chose Jane and his new family over me and how he told me he had to prioritise them and how he basically told me I wasn't family
  
• He was an AH for withholding my college fund and trying to blackmail me and then spending it on his new family
  
• I hate how I have missed major family events because he attended the events and would make them awkward.
  
• I don't see his son and daughter as my family and I'm sick of them trying to speak to me and approach me
  
• he keeps making scenes every time he sees me and making me look the bad guy
  
• he keeps inserting himself into my life going to my fiancé’s family events, going behind my back to talk and sway Luke to his side
  
• I hate how he cheated on my mom and broke our family up and then listened to Jane who stopped our dates, missed my recitals, reduced contact and was more concerned about his son.
  

Him * He loves me and always has he is never going to give up trying to reconnect and he has given me enough space over the years and he is done hearing about my life from 2nd hand knowledge and is not willing to miss any more if it.

• he loves Jane and and can't regret his past because he wouldn't have her or his 2 kids. He wishes he had done it differently and ended his marriage with my mom first.

*his kids are innocent and I shouldn't be taking it out on them they just want to know their big sister

• I was difficult child who was rude and disrespectful to Jane breaking her belongings, calling her names, ruining day trips.
  
• when Jane got pregnant she was high risk and me coming every week and starting arguments was stressing her out so for her and his sons sake he stopped the weekend visitation. He still spoke to us on the phone and took us out for dinner and days out but just didn't let us sleep over.
  
• when his son was born he was premature and had health complications which meant him staying in hospital for weeks and frequent hospital admissions. Jane was also going through PPD so he wasn't able to see us as much and had to miss some events when he was taking care of Jane and his son.
  
• Jane was unable to get a job locally and the opportunity was too good to pass up so they had to move. He pointed out that he came back to town for weekends as much as he could to see us and would always invite us to fly out and spend vacations with him. He phoned everyday but I refused to speak or see him.
  
• They had flown in for my graduation but I refused to invite him and he lost his temper and refused to give me my college fund. He apologised for this and tried to fix this a few weeks later and give me the money but I refused it. He has not spent the money he still has it and I have only to ask and I can have it.
  
• he had visited me at my college to try and talk to me but I refused to see him.
  
• He is not going to miss family events
  
• he makes a scene because he misses me and just wants to talk to me and reconcile but I always end up running way or shouting insults at him and Jane.
  
• He has been trying for 16years to reconnect but I shut him down at every turn he just wants to be my dad.
  
• He is old friends with my fiancé dad and he hoped my fiancé could talk some sense into me and open a line of communication.
  
• he feels I never gave Jane a chance no matter how she tried in the beginning and hoped we could be civil. Jane hates knowing I talk bad about her, am mean to her children and won't speak to him.
  

He wants:
My dad is in therapy and wants me to join him for family sessions.
He wants me to spend time with him 1-1
To stop being rude and mean to his children and spend time with them.
Stop trash talking Jane to everyone and actually give her a chance
Invite for him and my family to my wedding and to walk me down the aisle.
I want:
Him to stop talking to my friends and getting others to try and talk to me on his behalf
Keep Jane away from me completely
To be be civil at events or in town providing he does not try and hug me or talk to me.
My mom told him he was being unrealistic with some of the things he wants especially regarding Jane and his other children so we have agreed for now.
I will attend 3 therapy sessions with him when he arranges it. (my mom thinks I need individual therapy as well) He will stop trying to interfere in my life and relationships He will keep Jane away from me and talk to his kids to give me space. I will be civil to him in public as long as he respects my personal space and does not approach or pressure me.
As for my fiancé - I still havent spoken to him, he turned up at my moms but she refused to let him in. He keeps blowing up my phone and so does his family and friends telling me to hear him out.
During my conversation with my dad I found out my dad has paid for most of the vendors and services for my upcoming wedding and they have been on speaking terms for quite some time ( longer than I thought). Luke told me his family had paid for these and i believed him. I feel betrayed by him and that I can't trust him. I'm going to have to speak to him eventually but I dont feel ready.
Relevant Comments
OOP on if she can block her father and if she can have an order on him to stay away from her

OOP: I wouldn't be able to get a restraining order against him. What am I going to do tell the police my dad is talking to people in the town and my friends about me. He is showing up to parties and events he's invited to. He's trying to talk to me when he bumps into me in town?
He is not on my social media , he is blocked on my phone other than events and meeting in town that can be chalked up to coincidence I have nothing to report

 
Update #3 - April 27, 2024
Firstly I'd like to apologise for taking down my posts. I was really upset and felt under lot of pressure and needed space to think without constant messages. Some of you were trying to be helpful and I apreciate that but some of the abusive messages I received was terrible.
I'm updating for those who have asked for an update and were supportive to me. This will be my last post and I wont be posting again.
Firstly the deal with my dad is off the table. He couldn't even manage a week without overstepping my boundaries. So there will be no therapy sessions with him and I will remain no contact.
As you are all aware after speaking to my dad and agreeing a way forward and my conditions.
Keep Jane away from me Tell his kids to back off Don't pressure me or invade my space
It lasted all of 3 days. Everyone seemed happy I had "forgiven" my dad and told me so. My sister was excited I was willing to give him a chance and with some pressure I agreed to have dinner with just her and my dad.
When my sister and I arrived at the restaurant to meet our dad he was not alone. He had invited Jane, my grandparents his son and daughter. He got up and tried to hug me.
I immediately became upset asking why they were there. My dad told me that if we have any hope of repairing our relationship I had to accept Jane and my younger siblings. I told him he just broke our deal and to never contact me again and tried to leave. He refused to let me leave and grabbed hold of me.
When I say all hell broke loose I mean it. I started shouting at them. My Dad, Jane and grandparents tried to gaslight me and convince me to sit down when that didn't work things got very heated and a shouting match started and a lot of unforgivable things were said by my dad and Jane including remarks about my appearance and calling me a psychopath. My half brother walked out of the restaurant and my half sister started to cry.
My sister actually surprised me and defended me, shouting at my dad for ruining things after all this time when I had finally given him a chance. She even slapped Jane. She got me out of there and apologised to me. I think this was the first time she had really seen how Jane was with me and how she treat me. She kept saying she couldn't understand how dad had spent years saying he would do anything to have me back and then would do this when he finally got his chance to rebuild the relationship.
My dad has been trying to contact me but I have blocked him and refused to talk to him. I have also refused to speak to my grandparents. My dad has tried to convince my mom and sister to speak to me but I think he's burned his bridges with them.
The incident from the restaurant has spread and some people seem to be backing off. Like I said what my dad and Jane shouted at me was unforgiveable and they were overheard and this is a small town. Hopefully people will back off and those who won't Im going to have to cut them out.
My sister is very unhappy with my dad and Jane and not speaking to them. She is blaming them for me going no contact again. My sister is not letting them see her kids. I don't know if my sister will reconcile but right now she is furious. My mom is also furious and apparently had a few choice word with my dad and Jane and has promised she will never pressure me again to speak to him.
I am going to go to individual therapy I think I definitely need it. I do feel bad about my half siblings as they havnt done anything wrong and am maybe open to having a distanced kind of relationship with them in the future but I'm not ready yet or if I'll ever be. I did send them a message on Facebook to apologise and tell them they've done nothing wrong.
Lastly to update you all - in regards to my fiance well I spoke to him yesterday about everything I had been radio silent since walking out on him.
Basically he was pressured by his father to speak to my dad and was fed a sob story of a misunderstood father desperately wanting to be in his daughters life. Luke had become annoyed with me refusing to attend his family events and walking out of his mother's birthday party when I realised my dad and Jane was there as he was getting pressure from his family about me ruining their events.
He just wanted everyone to be happy and get along clearly at my expense.
Luke admitted my dad had paid for some of the vendors for the wedding but he did not know this until after it was already paid. His father had told Luke that him and his mom had paid. My dad had told Luke it was a gift and his way of contributing. Luke admitted my dad had asked him to speak to me on his behalf.
I told Luke he had betrayed my trust and I couldn't see myself marrying someone who does not support me. He broke down crying and apologising to me and promising to never do it again. Luke was heartbroken and begged for a 2nd chance.
To those of you who wanted me to break up with him, I'm sorry to disappoint you but we are going to try and work through this. Apart from this issue he had been the best partner and I genuinely think that he had been manipulated by his family and my dad. Luke has promised to stand up to his family and go no contact with my dad.
I'm still living at my moms as I still need some space which I wont have if I move home. We are going to contact our wedding vendors and see what our options are next week. Luke is begging for a postponement rather than cancel it altogether. We may still break up as actions speak louder than words and I need to see if he can rebuild what we had and show me I can trust and depend on him.
Relevant Comments
OOP on if she is able to change her contact information and what about Luke

OOP: There's no point changing my number when I've done this before he always manages to get it again.
As for Luke - breaking up is not off the table. I'm giving him a chance to show me he means what he says. I always thought I had a decent relationship with Luke’s family, but clearly not. I'm not asking him to go NC with them thats for him to decide. I'm certainly going to distance myself from them and any further incidents no contact.
As for any future children if we are still together I won't be trusting them with my children at all

 
Update #4: May 4, 2024
Hi everyone I did not plan to make another update at all but I'm still getting messages for an update and thought I would let you know the recent developments.
Firstly I have cancelled the wedding I was able to get some partial refunds but have lost some money. Luke begged me not to cancel the wedding but there was no way I could marry him after what he did.
I was set on giving him a 2nd chance and he promised me he would go low contact and stand up to his parents and issue an ultimatum that we would not tolerate any contact with my dad and Jane. Basically he would tell them we would not attend any event or party if they were invited and we would not tolerate any attempt to force contact or relationship with my dad.
He met with them to explain this to them. When he came back from this meeting he was quite irritable with me and appeared to have had a change of heart to summarize it - he was trying to convince me his family only meant well and that he can't go low contact with his family because he loves them and he can't dictate their friendships. He then tried to convince me it won't be an issue in the future and his father would speak to my dad and tell him to be on his best behaviour in my presence.
As soon as I heard this people's comments went through my head and the main one being if we had children he would take them to his family where my dad and Jane would be and I would have no control over this. At that moment
I realised I couldn't trust Luke and never would be able to.
I broke up with him, he is not taking it well and keeps begging me to take him back and that he would go no contact with his family. His family and friends are trying to convince me on his behalf not to end our relationship. He has made his choice and proven to me he is spineless. I don't need him in my life.
In regards to my dad I'm looking into getting a restraining order given what happened in the restaurant I might be able to but i dont know yet a friend of mine is helping me look into this.
My dad has kept a low profile since last week apart from a couple of attempts to apologize to me I havnt heard much from him. My sister still won't speak to him or Jane. Unlike me my sister is highly confrontational and has blasted him and Jane on social media with what happened at the restaurant and things that have happened in the past which I didn't know about.
My sister and Jane had a very public screaming match when she had seen them in town due to my sisters posts and demanding to take them down it ended up with Jane assaulting my sister. My dad apparently sided with Jane in this. My sister now hates Jane and refuses to speak to our dad who is also trying to contact her.
My dad and Jane’s reputation seems to have taken a hit and between the incident in the restaurant and my sisters fight with Jane and het numerous Facebook posts about them, People are gossiping. This has worked well for me because some people have backed off which Im happy about unfortunately there are a few people still on his side including my ex's parents.
As for my half siblings there's not much of an update in regards to them.
I've found a therapist however there is a bit of a waiting list before I can start my therapy. I'm still living with my mom who is completely on my side and I have found a kitten and pick her up next week.

 

----NEW UPDATE----

Update #5: May 19, 2024 (2 weeks later)
Hi everyone thought I would give you an update as to what's been happening the last couple of weeks for those of you who are still interested.
Firstly I'm still at my moms and I got my little kitten. I've named her sascha and she is the sweetest thing but very energetic. For those of you asking for pictures I'll try, but she refuses to stay still long enough to get a one that's not blurred. I love her already. My mom continues to be my rock. IM still waiting for therapy but am finding reddit useful and therapeutic and the support I've received from most of the people on here has been great and helped me see things more clearly so a big thankyou to everyone.
As for my ex now that we've broken up I feel lighter and free and being away from him has made me see all the red flags that I was blind to in our relationship and feel like I've dodged a bullet. Luke (using real names because my posts were discovered) is not taking the breakup well and has taken over from my father constantly bothering me.
If you read this Luke we are DONE and I'm not changing my mind so stop calling me, stop coming to the house and stop sending me flowers! I'm moving on so you should too.
My sister Emma is still firmly on my side and has washed her hands of Jane (stepmonster) and they are not on speaking terms after my sister told everyone about Janes affairs.
Jane is still trying to save face saying my sister is lying and telling everyone she can how we are just the worst and that we have treated her terrible over the years and trying to ruin her marriage. Don't think anyone is buying what she is saying. She has sent abusive messages to me and my sister and when we've bumped into her she's been screaming at us and threatening us. My sisters car had been keyed and my store windows were smashed. We can't prove its her unfortunately but she is the most likely culprit.
My half siblings are definitely my dads children they tested then years ago when she was a baby. From what I've heard they're not speaking to Jane at all.
As for my dad he seems to have grown a spine and has kicked out Jane she is now living with her parents. From what I've heard he's thinking about divorce. I havnt had any contact with my dad except for a text saying he was sorry for everything. As for getting a restraining order I'm more concerned about getting one against Jane at the moment.
Relevant Comments
OOP on if she has cameras at her place

OOP: I have cameras but you can't see if it her because of the angle I'm getting more fitted for better coverage

OOP on if she has been speaking to her half siblings (father’s side) and how their relationships are with Jane now that the truth got out. And how the family is reacting

OOP: I'm not speaking to my dad or Jane or my half siblings. I've gotten this info from a cousin on my dad's side so not sure if it's true or if there is more to this. + The only people who knew were my grandparents and sister. Unfortunately when Jane and my sister fell out my sister decided to expose her on social media to everyone. My half siblings knew about her recent affair but not the one years ago.
As for my dad I don't know and I'm not going to reach out to ask

OOP on if she will forgive her father and if he would get a second chance without Jane present

OOP: Yep- hes destroyed my relationship, his and janes relationship with Emma and by sounds of it his own relationship. All because he couldn't respect my boundaries
No the damage is already done. He had his chance to fix things with me and he blew it. I just want to be left alone and get on with my life

 

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• Mouse-hover over your username on desktop. This works for both the old and redesigned web site.
• On the official Reddit app for iOS, view your profile, then tap the karma value shown.
• On the official Reddit app for Android, you can't. Complain on /redditmobile.
• On the unofficial Reddit App for Android, RIF (Formerly known as Reddit is Fun), your breakdown is listed on your profile screen.

The following circumventions will result in a ban:

• Using a karma farming subreddit, such as Karma4You, or asking focomplaining about karma in a general sub.
• Unsolicited private messaging to push your campaign.
• Posting your campaign on someone else's post.

Comment Karma is directly correlated to how many comments you leave plus/minus any points as people upvote a popular comment or downvote an unpopular comment.

Credibility, Community, and You

AKA, Why Do We Have Account Requirements for Individuals?
In an effort to make your crowdfunding efforts more successful here on Reddit, some background first:
In many of the gifting and fundraising subs, you'll notice that without a certain amount "karma" and an account that's old enough, you'll garner down votes or worse, your posts and comments get automatically removed.
Why?
To many Redditors, this place is a community built on activity. The "coin" of the land here is your account, and how much you've contributed to the Reddit community at large reflected in post and comment karma.
As a general rule, Redditors dislike the creation of accounts specifically to fund raise or to make requests. It makes it seem like these people simply treat Reddit as some sort of magical internet wallet, and that doesn't win many friends.
The other reason why new accounts are so disliked is that they're often alternate accounts of established users, in order to hide their activity from people they know. While we do sympathize with those of you who have valid reasons, this privilege is often abused by those who create disposable accounts to scam people for a quick buck.
This trust issue doesn't exist in the same way with certified non-profit groups, as you can look them up online for verification, and at least in the case of 501c(3)s, their spending is transparent due to their required tax filings which are public information.
So if you're new to Reddit, welcome! Spend some time and look around for something that catches your interest and chat it up with others and become part of the community!
However if you're here for the sole reason of making requests in a hurry, please be aware your pleas for help will likely be ignored.
REMEMBER, CREDIBILITY AND COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING!
For this reason, the mods will not post anything on behalf of any user that does not meet account requirements.

Rules

1. Posts must be more than just a link to your campaign. Be descriptive! Show evidence . This includes:
   1. If this is for your pet, photos of your pet in question, with your username on a handwritten note in the picture.
   2. School documentation showing enrollment if you are asking for assistance for school.
   3. Redacted bills showing your situation.
   4. Or other relevant documentation that can help establish credibility.
   5. At minimum, please attach an unobstructed selfie photo of yourself(the submitter) with a handwritten note of your username.
   6. Low effort posts that simply say to the effect of, "everything is listed in the GoFundMe" will be removed.
2. Please Flair your posts, once created. If you don't know how, just let the mods know and we'll do it for you.
3. Only 1 campaign per user. We want you have some personal connection to the campaign, and not submit multiples simply because they were in the news.
4. Reposts are allowed once a week. If a repost comes up too early, the newest one(s) will be removed.
5. Acceptable transfer methods for individuals are for crowdfunding sites only, such as GoFundme, YouCaring, etc. Individuals should avoid using Paypal, crypto, or direct banking aps (like Chase). 501c(3) and NGOs may use whatever method they wish.
6. Don't PM people to make requests. If you receive an unsolicited private message, please let us know!
7. Do not post politically-related campaigns. They're just too divisive.
8. Trolling will not be tolerated and offending users will be banned.
9. Don't bug the mods for an exception to the account requirements. None will be given. If you attempt to circumvent the requirement by karma farming or by commenting on someone else's post, your account will be banned.
10. No posting for other Redditors. No Alts. This is viewed as a circumvention of requirements and both accounts will be banned.
11. Selling is only allowed by 1st parties directly. We do not allow selling by 3rd parties to benefit another organization, as there's no transparency to verify that the announced percentage of sales actually goes to the beneficiary. Only direct sales by the non-profit organization are allowed.

Supporting Information Requested for Non-501c(3) and Non-NGO campaigns.

We aren't the government. We aren't a court of law. We definitely don't want you to give out information that could lead to identity theft. However, some campaigns are more successful when they have additional documentation.
This includes:

• Pet related requests: Photos of your pet in question, with your username on a handwritten note in the picture. This helps show you actually own the pet in question.
• Education related requests: Documentation showing enrollment or acceptance if you are asking for assistance for school.
• Redacted bills showing your situation. In some cases, a donor may prefer to pay a creditor directly on your behalf, so be prepared and find out if that is available to you.
• If you are sharing a campaign for a registered certified non-profit organization (such as a 501c3 or NGO), you should say so in the post, and it should list that status on the campaign page/web site.
• Or other relevant documentation that can help establish credibility.

Low effort posts that simply say to the effect of, "everything is listed in the GoFundMe" (or less!) will be removed.

How to Include a Photo or Other Supporting Info Document In Your Post

Because Reddit wasn't initially designed to handle photos when it was created, it has limitations in the implementation of photo support which don't work well for us. So instead we suggest the following:

1. Upload your photo to Imgur.com or other photo hosting site.
2. Copy the URL for the photo.
3. Create a new post or Edit your existing one to include the URL to the photo.

Please make sure to include this, as it is the primary reason why posts that are otherwise fine get removed.

Advice On Making Your Campaign Go Further

Not all crowdfunding campaigns are the same, but here are some suggestions.

• Make sure your campaign has been shared among your Facebook friends! You might think it's embarrassing, however your friends and family are more likely to care than internet strangers.
• Show that you've exhausted all the other possibilities. A lot of potential donors don't like to give money when it seems like the requester's first and only solution is to simply throw someone else's money at the problem. Nobody is going to take your word when you literally only say, "but I've done everything!", when the actual reality is probably closer to "I've done everything I can think of", which arguably is NOT everything.
• Show that there's a plan to use the money wisely. Often people have campaigns for their business ideas, but it doesn't really seem like they thought it all the way through. Tell people what steps you've taken so far, and what you're going to do next.
• Be open to critics. If there's something that people ask about, you should not be dismissive. Provide more detail. There's a possibility that they know something you don't, or they have something different about their own experience that might be useful to you. If you simply brush off your critics, it shows objectively that you're not doing everything possible.
• Review your own campaign with the mindset of a potential donor. Ask yourself, "Would I give money to this?" Or get a friend to review it for you.

Questions?

Please don't hesitate to ask the mods!
... Unless you're trying to ask for an exception to the account requirements.

Welcome to /gofundme!

____
In an effort to make your crowdfunding efforts more successful here on Reddit, some background first:
​
Credibility, Community, and You
AKA, Why Do We Have Account Requirements?
In many of the gifting and fundraising subs, you'll notice that without a certain amount "karma" and an account that's old enough, you'll garner down votes or worse, your posts and comments get automatically removed.
Why?
To many Redditors, this place is a community built on activity. The "coin" of the land here is your account, and how much you've contributed to the Reddit community at large reflected in post and comment karma.
As a general rule, Redditors dislike the creation of accounts specifically to fund raise or to make requests. It makes it seem like these people simply treat Reddit as some sort of magical internet wallet, and that doesn't win many friends.
The other reason why new accounts are so disliked is that they're often alternate accounts of established users, in order to hide their activity from people they know. While we do sympathize with those of you who have valid reasons, this privilege is often abused by those who create disposable accounts to scam people for a quick buck.
So if you're new to Reddit, welcome! Spend some time and look around for something that catches your interest and chat it up with others and become part of the community!
However if you're here for the sole reason of making requests in a hurry, please be aware your pleas for help will likely be ignored.
​
**REMEMBER, CREDIBILITY AND COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING!**
​
For this reason, the mods will not post anything on behalf of any user that does not meet account requirements.
_____
Account Requirements
All accounts must meet BOTH of the following:

1. Account age of 90 days or older.
2. *Comment* karma of 250 or greater.

NOTE: We are specifically looking for *COMMENT* karma. The karma value you are probably looking at is a COMBINED value, consisting of both Link/Post karma plus Comment karma.
​
To view your karma breakdown:

• Mouse-hover over your username on desktop. This works for both the old and redesigned web site.
• On the official Reddit app for iOS, view your profile, then tap the karma value shown.
• On the official Reddit app for Android, view your profile, then tap the karma value shown.
• On the unofficial Reddit App for Android, RIF (Formerly known as Reddit is Fun), your breakdown is listed on your profile screen.

​
The following circumventions will result in a ban, and get you added to the UniversalScammerList:

• Using a karma farming subreddit, such as Karma4You. Also posts and comments asking for karma or complaining that you don't have enough karma counts as karma farming.
• Unsolicited private messaging to push your campaign.
• Posting your campaign on someone else's post. (EVEN ON THIS ONE!)

Comment Karma is directly correlated to how many comments you leave plus/minus any points as people upvote a popular comment or downvote an unpopular comment.
_____
Rules
​

1. Posts must be more than just a link to your campaign. Be descriptive! Be prepared to show evidence if needed. If the mods find it lacking, it may be removed.
2. Please Flair your posts, once created. If you don't know how, just let the mods know and we'll do it for you.
3. Only 1 GoFundMe per user. We want you have some personal connection to the campaign, and not submit multiple GFMs simply because they were in the news.
4. Reposts are allowed once a week. If a repost comes up too early, the newest one(s) will be removed.
5. Crowdfunding sites only. No crypto currency, direct PayPal, cash transfers, trading or loans. Our scope is only GoFundMe and other crowd sourced funding sites.
6. Don't PM people to make requests. If you receive an unsolicited private message, please let us know!
7. Do not post politically-related campaigns. They're just too divisive. Also, they're too often used to scam people (remember the campaign to fund Trump's wall?).
8. Trolling will not be tolerated and offending users will be banned.
9. Don't bug the mods for an exception to the account requirements. None will be given. If you attempt to circumvent the requirement by karma farming or by commenting on someone else's post, your account will be banned.
10. No posting for other Redditors. No Alts. This is viewed as a circumvention of the requirements and the accounts in question will be banned. (New Oct 22, 2020)
11. No referral links. A referral link like that isn't likely to solve anyone's financial problems in the time frame they need. (New March 16, 2024)

Any referral links posted here will be flagged as spam, and may trigger your account to be added to Reddit's site-wide spammer list.
_____
Supporting Information Requested
We aren't the government. We aren't a court of law. We definitely don't want you to give out information that could lead to identity theft. However, some campaigns are more successful when they have additional documentation.
This includes:
- Pet related requests: Photos of your pet in question, with your username on a handwritten note in the picture. This helps show you actually own the pet in question.
- Education related requests: Documentation showing enrollment or acceptance if you are asking for assistance for school.
- Redacted bills showing your situation. In some cases, a donor may prefer to pay a creditor directly on your behalf, so be prepared and find out if that is available to you.
- If you are sharing a campaign for a registered certified non-profit organization (such as a 501c3 or NGO), you should say so in the post, and it should list that status on the campaign page/web site.
- Or other relevant documentation that can help establish credibility.
- At minimum, an unobstructed selfie photo of yourself(the submitter) holding a handwritten note of your username is required if none of the above apply.
Low effort posts that simply say to the effect of, "everything is listed in the GoFundMe" (or less!) will be removed.
_____
Advice On Making Your Campaign Go Further
Not all crowdfunding campaigns are the same, but here are some suggestions.

• Make sure your campaign has been shared among your Facebook friends! You might think it's embarrassing, however your friends and family are more likely to care than internet strangers.
• Show that you've exhausted all the other possibilities. A lot of potential donors don't like to give money when it seems like the requester's first and only solution is to simply throw someone else's money at the problem. Nobody is going to take your word when you literally only say, "but I've done everything!", when the actual reality is probably closer to "I've done everything I can think of", which arguably is NOT everything.
• Show that there's a plan to use the money wisely. Often people have campaigns for their business ideas, but it doesn't really seem like they thought it all the way through. Tell people what steps you've taken so far, and what you're going to do next.
• Be open to critics. If there's something that people ask about, you should not be dismissive. Provide more detail. There's a possibility that they know something you don't, or they have something different about their own experience that might be useful to you. If you simply brush off your critics, it shows objectively that you're not doing everything possible.
• Review your own campaign with the mindset of a potential donor. Ask yourself, "Would I give money to this?" Or get a friend to review it for you.

_____
Questions?
Please don't hesitate to ask the mods!
​
... Unless you're trying to ask for an exception to the account requirements.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRAtricionera
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
My sister slept with my boyfriend and I sent her a really cruel message that I don't regret at all
Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Triggers Warnings: infidelity, manipulation, entitlement
Original Post: February 2, 2024
Sorry but this post will have A LOT of bad energy and I'm terrible at writing in English so If anyone is going to read the post, I'm sorry for all the grammatical errors that are likely to be in the post. :P
So a few days ago I (F25) found out that my sister (24f) has been sleeping with my boyfriend (now ex, 25m. We dated for three years) for one year or probably more.
They always had a close relationship but I obviously took it as something innocent, I don't like video games but my sister does so they talked a lot by text and I thought it was about games they like until I found out that no, they talked a lot about their secret dates while I was working and in college, I found pictures, videos and a lot of other disgusting things in the chats between my ex and my sister. My pathetic sister found pleasure in asking my pathetic ex all the time if she's smarter or prettier than me, she even compared our private parts, wth (We're both pretty, she's actually thinner and prettier than me and even if she's an introvert she has her group of friends so I really don't understand where she got so much venom towards me, our parents never compared us or anything like that and she was always the one asking my ex to compare both of us in the chats.)
The first thing I did was throw all my ex-boyfriend's things out of the apartament, I insulted him in a thousand ways and I kept the PC that I gave him for Christmas.
I didn't speak a single word to my sister for over a week and she didn't contacted me like the coward she is until yesterday when she sent me a message trying to justify herself by saying that it was a mistake (Yes, a mistake that lasted more than a year) and that I should forgive her because we're sisters and blah blah blah at one point I thought "Should I be the mature person in the situation who doesn't let resentment speak for her?" but then I realized that I've never been that kind of person. I took my phone and wrote a long message to my sister that I would love to write here but I am sure that I would break the rules since I called her out in every possible way and I wrote a lot of personal things too, I told her how much of a failure she is and how she has always envied me and that's why she needed to feel what it's like to be me for a second of her sad life.
She sended me a voice massage crying and saying that she's in a very weak moment mentally (but she's still with him, lmao) and I shouldn't make her feel worse and that she regrets it, I just reacted to her message with this emoji 😂 and didn't even heard the long voice message until the end.
Was it a low thing to attack her with all her flaws? Yes, but it's lower to betray your sister and believe that she's going to forgive you just because you share blood with her.
Honestly, I feel really good after sending her that message and feel that it was Therapeutic to take out everything I feel to give closure to that.
Btw I've never used a PC for gaming but I'm looking for tutorials on YouTube about how to download the SIMS.
I helped my sister in every moment of her life, I literally fought for her when she was being bullied during High school, I helped her thousands of times to make friends, I even accompanied her everywhere she wanted, it is a betrayal that really hurts and I will never forgive, never. It hurts me that she slept with someone I loved, but it hurts me a lot all the things I read in those chats, how she enjoyed watching him compare me to her or how she asked him about personal things about our relationship just to laugh at it. She's dead to me and my parents knows it.
I don't even care if I'm a bad person like them, this is something I can't forgive and I don't even feel bad for my reaction.
Edit: I posted half of the message
Relevant Comments
OOP on her parents’ reaction of the relationships between her sister and her boyfriend

OOP: My mother was disgusted and my father was angry but they only comforted me until I left their house, I don't know what they talked to my sister about afterwards and I don't want to ask but they will probably cut contact with her.
She just said that it was a mistake and in the voice message she only talked about how weak she feels mentally and that she has been having anxiety attacks even though I didn't heard the full audio because it lasts +4 minutes and I was getting even more pissed off with her just wanting to be the victim so i stopped the audio almost in the end.
She never explained why she said all those ugly things about me because everything was about her having "anxiety attacks"

 
The message: February 2, 2024
Thank you for all the nice comments you left me! Many wrote to me with tips for the sims and I'm really grateful, thanks for the game recommendations even though I'm really bad at playing action game, The last action game I played was Resident Evil 4 on the PS2 long time ago and it was because I had a crush with Leon Kennedy (he would never cheat on me btw).
As a token of appreciation (And because I also like it when the op uploads the whole gossip), I will put here half of the message I sent to my sister.
The message I sent her was really long and I cut out the parts where I talk about very private things or when I insulted her to not make the post too uncomfortable because I was really hurt and angry at that moment and I talked about many personal things in the text. I will put the copy of the message in the end if someone talks Spanish. I'm sorry if it sounds weird in English, I did my best to translate it and I had to remove a lot of parts.
"I'm not interested in hearing any of your excuses, I believed you when a problem she had with her ex-friend group happened because I really trusted that you would never do something like that but now I understand why everyone leaves you alone and you deserve it.
What you did to me is a shit and you know it but you didn't care because you spent a year being the whore of ex name without any shame and now that I found out everything you went days without talking to me because you are a coward and on top of that you still don't care about what you did to me, You're only talking to me because Dad probably stopped talking to you and you're running out of money, so you want to fix this shit so he gives you money again. You were always an asshole but don't you think it's a lot to be my boyfriend's second woman? How little respect do you have for yourself? We're sisters, I don't even know what's going on in your head because I don't understand what's wrong with you. Girl, I read all the messages between you and you even started comparing our bodies, YOU'RE SICK.
You know that I never did anything for you to do this to me and I loved you. But everything turned out really well for you because he's with you so enjoy that feeling and the love you two have for the other for now because you are going to be really lonely later and you are going to go back to your cave but this time I am not going to be there to pity you like everytime I did before.
Stay with him, there's nothing that interests me less than fighting for an idiot who is surely going to leave you but let me make it clear to you that you're not going to hear about me again, this dies here, we are not sister's anymore. If I see you on the street then I'm going to cross to the opposite sidewalk to not see you."
(Editor’s note: OOP’s original message in Spanish)
"No me interesa escuchar ninguna de tus excusas, yo te creí cuando pasó lo de a problem she had with her ex-friend group porque de verdad confié en que vos nunca harías algo así pero ahora entiendo por qué todos te dejan sola y te lo mereces.
Lo que me hiciste es una cagada y vos lo sabes pero no te importó porque estuviste un año siendo la trola de ex name sin ninguna vergüenza y ahora que me enteré de todo estuviste días sin hablarme porque sos re cagona y encima te sigue sin importar lo que me hiciste, solamente me estás hablando porque papá seguramente te cortó el rostro y te estás quedando sin plata así que querés arreglar tu cagada para que te vuelvan a depositar. Siempre fuiste una pelotuda fracasada pero no te parece un montón rebajarte a ese nivel de ser la segunda de mi novio? Tan poco respeto te tenés a vos misma? Somos hermanas, no sé ni que está pasando por tu cabeza porque posta no entiendo que te pasa. Flaca, leí todos los mensajes entre ustedes y te ponías a comparar nuestros cuerpos, estás re enferma.
Vos sabes que yo nunca te hice nada para que vos me hagas esto y te re quería, igual te salió re bien porque el está con vos así que disfruta por ahora ese amor que se tienen porque después te vas a quedar sola de verdad y vas a volver a tu cueva pero esta vez no voy a estar yo para tenerte lastima como siempre hice antes.
Quédate con el, no hay nada que me interese menos que pelear por un idiota que seguramente te va a dejar pero que te quede claro que de mi no vas a volver a escuchar, acá muere, no somos más hermanas y si te veo en la calle me cruzo de vereda."
Edit: Yes, I'm from Argentina :)
 
Update: May 17, 2024
They broke up nobody's surprised
When all of this happened my parents scolded my sister and she got offended and didn't speak to our parents except to ask them for money, she asked them for money to buy things for her career but then my aunt told my parents that my sister actually used that money to buy my ex some sneakers.
My parents never gave her any money from that day on, she's an idiot tbh. My parents started to pay for us to go to a private college and the only thing we have to do is literally STUDY, The only thing she had to do was take her studies seriously but she didn't, so my father got tired and hasn't sent her money for months.
My ex discovered the post because he said it went viral in Facebook and obviously he recognized the story, he contacted me to apologize and said he knows he did wrong by hurting me like that but my sister 'manipulated him' and it was a total mistake, I told him he can shove his apologies in the ass.
Meanwhile, my sister and I have only crossed paths a few times, but she always avoids me because she thinks I'm going to hit her (I won't). We're not going to the same career so we luckily don't see each other too much
Anyway, a few days ago she went to our parents' house saying that she broke up with my ex (idk why) And that she felt really sad and had an anxiety attack, I don't know exactly what they talked about since I wasn't there but my mother told me that she told my sister that she knew what was going to happen when she slept with him and my sister justified herself by saying that 'They're in love' so my mother and her just argued again and my sister left. Now she doesn't talk to anyone in the family except our grandmother to ask for money, I know my sister is not going to change her bad habits and she didn't learn anything from this, I even think she will get together with my ex again because they're just toxic with each other but it's her life to ruin, not mine and I don't care anymore.
The bright side: I sold the pc to a guy from reddit that saw my post and that really saved me from having to keep paying the dues, unfortunately I didn't get to play The Sims much but I prefer the extra money. My ex had told me that he wanted the pc back but I told him that then he should pay the remaining dues AND HE SAID NO, so the idiot wanted the pc for free even though he slept with my sister. 🥴
The weird side: There are YouTubers who are literally charging their subscribers to read the post or other reddit posts, tf, at least give me a share of the profits.
I'm know it's a boring update and probably everyone wanted that the update was my sister begging for forgiveness and my ex suffering but no, they are just two idiots who deserve each other and nothing more happened but even today I received a message asking me for an update, haha.
Relevant Comments
OOP on if she forgives her sister and her boyfriend

OOP: I'm going to go ahead and not forgive them, I can do both at the same time.
And no, I don't forgive my sister and i don't want her to forget this AND I don't want to see her again. In a few years I'll remember these two idiots and laugh, but that doesn't mean they deserve my forgiveness.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Complex_Ad5616
Originally posted to AmItheAsshole + AITAH
Thanks to u/Desperate_Smile for the suggestion
AITA for serving my guests disgusting food? + 18 Months Update
Trigger Warnings: manipulation, bigotry, possible racism
Original Post: November 11, 2022
I was at the butcher looking for some cheap meat to use for tacos at my housewarming party. My wife got me a kick-ass new smoker and I wanted to try it out.
The butcher mentioned that he had some beef tongue and beef cheeks. I went weak in the knees. I love those cuts of beef. So much flavour. And proper barbacoa is made from that.
So I picked it up. I prepared it the way I was taught by my grandfather. It was awesome. Smoking it makes it so tender.
I made tortillas from scratch as well.
We had our party and everyone enjoyed the food. Until my wife's brother's girlfriend asked for the recipe. I declined because it was my family recipe and I don't like to give away recipes. I have in the past and I end up getting crapped on because it doesn't taste as good and I must have sabotaged them on purpose. No Madison I didn't sabotage you. You used cinnamon powder in your chili instead of a couple of cinnamon sticks like I said.
My wife told me to please play nice and share. So I wrote out the recipe for the girl.
She immediately starts dry heaving like she is going to hurl. My brother-in-law comes over to see what's going on. She screams that I served dog food for supper.
So everyone starts asking what she means and she starts waving the recipe around and saying that beef cheeks and tongues are what she buys for dog snacks.
No one else complains. They all say she is being ridiculous and that the meal was great.
She is left there crying and being comforted by my brother-in-law.
Now she is flaming me on Facebook calling me names and saying that just because I ate peasant food growing up is no reason to feed it to others.
I feel kind of guilty because I thought I was doing a nice thing making authentic food. But I guess I might be an asshole for serving cuts of meat that Americans don't think is fit for human consumption?
VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE
Relevant Comments
sunfloweries:

just because I ate peasant food growing up is no reason to feed it to others

this is such a weird thing to say. where is she from? what's the socioeconomic makeup of this group of people?

OOP: I'm from Guatemala. I guess she is from Oregon, I never asked. All of us are professionals of some sort or another. My wife's family is from Portland.

OOP on everyone else who has eaten the tacos

OOP: I have eaten barbacoa tacos with everyone who was there that day. I told them up front that they were barbacoa tacos. Go look up what barbacoa is.

AryaIsWaif: NTA
Repeat this until it takes hold: "I am not responsible for others' lack of epicurean taste."
Beef cheeks are literally a delicacy. Tongue, while not specifically a delicacy, has good flavor and a unique (but not gross) texture. It isn't like you fed them tripe. Thankfully, most of them acknowledged that it tasted amazing. You don't need the one idiot in your life.
"peasant food" makes me laugh. I LOVE oxtail, but I can't afford it any more because the "foodies" have discovered it.
 
AITA for always having a bland meal prepared for my sister in law when we host at our home since she considered my cooking to be peasant food?: May 18, 2024 (18 months later)
I posted a while ago about serving dog food to the woman my brother in law eventually married. Wendy hasn't changed much since then. She did shut up after she went to a few different taco places and they all told her what proper barbacoa is.
So anyway now whenever we have people over I always prepare a meal specially for her. Usually just plain unseasoned meat (other than salt and pepper, I'm not a monster) plain green salad with ranch on the side, and a plain starch like a baked potato or white rice.
I do not limit her to this food. I just always have it available in case she finds something offensive about the other food I make.
We recently hosted a dinner party that included my wife's brother and his wife. We also had some new friends over. Thea, the wife, asked if my sister in law had allergies since she was eating plain roast chicken breast with the aforementioned sides. She was worried about cross contamination since there was a lot of other food there I guess. Thea is a teacher and is hyper vigilant about food allergies.
This lead to Wendy explaining that I use cuts of meat that she did not grow up eating and that I refuse to tell her what is in the food I make.
This is a fact. I learned my lesson. I make food my friends and family enjoy. If I use an ingredient that may be against a dietary restriction I make it clear. For example if I serve pork I let everyone know. I also will answer any questions about allergens.
My sister in law says that I insist on feeding her the most bland food possible. I pointed at the salsa verde on her food and asked her if it needed more serranos.
The whole story came out and Wendy was embarrassed again. I don't think it was my fault. I have been passive aggressively been making sure she cannot complain about my cooking.
My wife says that maybe it's time to stop making a separate meal for Wendy. I said she is lucky I don't serve her dino nuggets and lunchables.
Relevant Comments
OOP responds to multiple redditors on why he might or might not choose to tell his guests what is in the food

OOP: I say if it's beef, pork, chicken, iguana (jk), or whatever. I just do not specify the cut. I have even served huitlacoche to my friends in tamales. It's a fungus like mushrooms. Americans call it corn smut. I tell them it's a fungus.
Do you tell all your guest all the ingredients in your cooking? If you make cookies with synthetic vanilla extract do you tell them it's beaver anus?

Nedstarkclash: OP, did she really call your tacos "peasant food?" I sometimes feel the reddit posts are fake because they contain such outlandish details.

OOP: Yup. My family is from the more rural part of Mexico.

petulafaerie_III:

I do not limit her to this food.

So… you’re making a meal for everyone that she’s welcome to participate in, but also preparing a second meal just for her in case she does not like the main fare? That’s incredibly thoughtful and polite of you. If she’s embarrassed about eating the special meal, she doesn’t have to eat it.
NTA
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

https://www.facebook.com/100042718846937/videos/trevor-keeps-it-moving-/2632728070374443/
i hate facebook but on my 3rd attempt looking for this guy i found this very short clip that is definitely from his channel. but im still at a loss cant find his full channel anywhere
'https://www.reddit.com/PublicFreakout/comments/s8qere/classic\_repost\_trevor\_the\_original\_bad\_man/
im hot on the heals. youtube is deleted but here is a reference to the channel. someone somewhere has to have the catalogue??
I think the guy had an Australian accent and had the catch phrase "he keeps it moving" and was hilarious. Pretty sure I just used to be able to youtube "keeps it moving" and he would come up. Please help me I quoted it the other day and need to have the catharsis of hearing him say it.

My friend is telling everyone she was in a cult
cw drugs, addiction
Throwaway, probably won’t respond to comments
I have a friend and I want to start by saying she’s had a really hard life. I wasn’t always around to witness it but she has bpd, she was homeless off and on, she ended up in jail for a little while, and eventually got hooked on meth among other things so I believe it when she tells me about the crazy stuff she’s been through and I try to give her the benefit of the doubt regardless of the situation . I’ve never thought of her like a bad person or anything
Several years ago she dated a guy.
I’ve never met this guy or really heard anything while they were dating but after she broke up with him her story was always that he ran a fake Buddhism/spirituality cult where he fed girls ecstasy and acid so that they’d have sex with him. People reposted it all over and made sure everyone knew to stay away from him. I know I shared her post all over .
A few years after all that went down, we talked for a while and it came up in conversation. She told me she cheated on him then dumped him after he wouldn’t get back with her. She said that her last relationship (not with him) “opened her eyes” about the way she was to him . From what she told me this guys place was just a meetup for his big group of friends to smoke weed and have birthday parties. They’d go to music shows and stuff Everyone brought more friends until those friends brought friends and it got to be a significant crowd of people which is how she started calling it a cult. There wasn’t acid and ecstasy being passed out and It wasn’t organized like that. and she wasn’t dating him at the time. She was going with another guy to the house and she celebrated her 18th birthday there which is still creepy in my opinion but whatever.
She said that she lied about her being underage when they dated and she said she regretted cheating on him because he let her live with him and got her out of jail one time but not the lying because he had it coming and then said she wanted to try talking to him again and seeing if they can do better. Just a lot of conflicting things. I don’t know if they actually talked or not but a few months later she was saying he ran a cult again
Before I kinda let the fact that she lied go because I figured maybe it was a coping skill . Even if she was 18 there’s still a big age difference I’m pretty sure, which probably traumatized her. And there were still drugs involved . the fact that she lied, told me she lied and then went right back to lying like nothing happened rubbed me wrong but I brushed it off because she also said some weird stuff which made me think maybe she wasn’t in her right state of mind when she told me about it but then she was quiet about it for a year or 2 after the second time she called him out. Until a few months ago when she started again
I dont even know how much of the truth was the truth because details in her story have also changed over the years. She originally told me he dated her when he was 30 and she was 18. Then the ages changed a few times to 17 and 34, 18 and 40, now he was supposedly 32 when she was 17 and now instead of weed or acid and e like the first time she told me , he was giving a crowd of 17 year old girls molly. I’ve been distancing myself for a long while after she got into meth and her posts got weird but I heard she’s been clean for a while so why keep this up. Just why lie now? When there are people you told. At least one anyway.Its just so messy I only really know her through Facebook nowdays and I’m probably going to unfriend her after this. Shes 25 now I think and still talking about this . Shes supposed to be getting her life together She should be worried someones going to call her on it
Ive already decided not to publicly come forward. I don’t really care tbh. Regardless of how much older he’s still way older than her and just because he didn’t nesessarily run a sex cult doesn’t mean he’s not a creep plus I haven’t even lived in that town for a while so it’s really none of my business. They’re adults, either they’ll figure it out or they won’t. It’s just crazy knowing about it and watching her keep it up all this time

Hello everybody! It was time again to update our rules and make a new sticky post about it:
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No forms of racism, sexism, homophobia, bigotry, or personal insults are allowed. Focus on remaining respectful at all times. This also includes other authors and their work. Strong language is only allowed when not directed against another user. We're here to talk about something we all like. Allow everyone to experience the books as they choose.
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Me and my ex were together for four years and I did absolutely everything for him. He basically lived here rent free, ate what he wanted and did whatever he pleased. I bought him sooo much stuff including clothes and sent him money weekly for fuel and lunch at work because he struggled in that sense.
He broke up with me a month ago with next to no reason and we were completely normal and loving the couple days before it. It made no sense but the only thing I can think of is my pet passed and I really wanted his support but he wanted to stay home which he never did and this is the one time I actually asked him to stay and he didn’t on his own terms. I was begging him to just support me and help me through the grief by just being company but he switched and two days later he left me. I even took a letter to his house why our relationship is worth fighting for but he is extremely emotionally stubborn. I also suggested leaving it a week having a break and then trying again or atleast he would know what he actually wanted without rushing it but he didn’t even try. This hurt because we were best friends as well. He also changed recently started going out with his car friends more and it seemed that he just wanted to go out and not be tied down. He wasn’t very nice about it though and was very blunt and not even an apology for doing it over text.
A week after the breakup he posted pictures of his and his friends cars on insta and tagged a girl with a heart on his car. I was confused as I thought that this was his friends girlfriend but I soon found out they split after we did. I believe he cheated from what I’ve seen and it’s like she’s using his mate to get to him. He then posted on insta which he never did with the caption as living the best life with the best people and tagged her on his car in the first photo. I could tell it was a dig because he would never ever post but what’s strange is I never did anything and he even said it wasn’t my fault so I don’t understand why he did that.
A couple weeks ago he reposted things about me on tik tok saying we won’t forget each other right and messaged me about when I was taking his stuff and replied to me with a kiss. He also came into my work to buy a drink and stood there for a second like he expected me to say something. He also messaged again recently asking what I wanted from his and I was being blunt but nice trying to get the conversation to end as it’s not helping him messaging me but he kept dragging it out.
I recently saw he took his single status off Facebook and deleted the Spotify playlists he made for me. He has a joint one with her now called car and has reposted things about her so if they aren’t together already I think it’s inevitable the rebound will happen. I don’t understand how he can throw this away line that that fast considering everything I did for him and she looks like someone he would never be interested in as she’s loud and so different to me

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Hi,
I am looking for some tips to overcome one of my biggest weaknesses.

I am a 37 years old woman that loves to play games.
I love mainly single player games, twitch occassionally, but sometimes like to dive in to online games as well.

I also look into having like a community of people to hang out with, voice chat online while I play, chat and share my love for video games. Perhaps even play online.

The thing is, due to my anxiety riddled ADHD with strong impairment on both the impulsiveness side and attention deficit side I struggle to maintain a routine of sticking to both online communities and sticking to 1 game only.

So I usually play 4-5 games interchangeably, sometimes while I hyperfocus stick to one for a week or two, but then go back to cycling them mostly daily, or 2-3 times per week. Sometimes I play three for 1 hour each during one day.
That's not really an issue for me, I still get to finish like 6 games a year, and I play mostly RPGs, so that is not my complaint.

My issue is that I have joined dozens of Discords related to gaming, inclusiveness, etc but I have a terrible stuggle with online presence and social media in general. I never got hooked to them.
So I have facebook, discord, instagram. I occassionally post things, occassionally participate in some discussins, usually scroll everything for 3hours per month replying to everyone everything and reposting things and then I don't go there at all.
I am terribly bad at replying, sometimes for very long time (and then the guilt once I realise I did that again) so I have a few people whom I reply to "daily" (like 5 people) but we don't talk much, or try to maintain a I will reply to you back within a week attitude.

So I join the discords with hope of building some friendships and hang out, I usually have this hyperfocus at first where I respond to every thread that interests me, actively participate in all discussions,but it all fades away within a week tops.
I then struggle to keep up with the conversations because there are so many people, struggle to maintain any presence because I prefer to play games than chat, but the minimizing the game to reply/check/participate tires me endlessly.
And I cant do that on my cellphone because a)I hate cellphones and doing anything on them except call sometimes b) because I then pay literally no attention to the game and forgot Im actually playing.

So I figured out that voice chat would be my go to way of communicating while playing, but realised people mostly want to write rather than voice chat. Not even to play with, but to just talk to people.
And then again I am so anxious to join an ongoing voice chat with people who know one another with me who doesn’t know anyone I don’t want to bother anyone and so I never do join the ongoing ones and eventually I just stop checking another discord at all yet again.

Im really struggling with this one.
And as I don't really have friends who play games, except for my partner who is away at work for 5 days a week (truck driver) so it gets really lonely.

And I am fine, really, its just sometimes id be nice to feel a presence of another soul while I game yet I have no idea how to overcome the above.

Any tips, ideas, suggestions?
Zoja

Hi,
I am looking for some tips to overcome one of my biggest weaknesses.

I am a 37 years old woman that loves to play games.
I love mainly single player games, twitch occassionally, but sometimes like to dive in to online games as well.

I also look into having like a community of people to hang out with, voice chat online while I play, chat and share my love for video games. Perhaps even play online.

The thing is, due to my anxiety riddled ADHD with strong impairment on both the impulsiveness side and attention deficit side I struggle to maintain a routine of sticking to both online communities and sticking to 1 game only.

So I usually play 4-5 games interchangeably, sometimes while I hyperfocus stick to one for a week or two, but then go back to cycling them mostly daily, or 2-3 times per week. Sometimes I play three for 1 hour each during one day.
That's not really an issue for me, I still get to finish like 6 games a year, and I play mostly RPGs, so that is not my complaint.

My issue is that I have joined dozens of Discords related to gaming, inclusiveness, etc but I have a terrible stuggle with online presence and social media in general. I never got hooked to them.
So I have facebook, discord, instagram. I occassionally post things, occassionally participate in some discussins, usually scroll everything for 3hours per month replying to everyone everything and reposting things and then I don't go there at all.
I am terribly bad at replying, sometimes for very long time (and then the guilt once I realise I did that again) so I have a few people whom I reply to "daily" (like 5 people) but we don't talk much, or try to maintain a I will reply to you back within a week attitude.

So I join the discords with hope of building some friendships and hang out, I usually have this hyperfocus at first where I respond to every thread that interests me, actively participate in all discussions,but it all fades away within a week tops.
I then struggle to keep up with the conversations because there are so many people, struggle to maintain any presence because I prefer to play games than chat, but the minimizing the game to reply/check/participate tires me endlessly.
And I cant do that on my cellphone because a)I hate cellphones and doing anything on them except call sometimes b) because I then pay literally no attention to the game and forgot Im actually playing.

So I figured out that voice chat would be my go to way of communicating while playing, but realised people mostly want to write rather than voice chat. Not even to play with, but to just talk to people.
And then again I am so anxious to join an ongoing voice chat with people who know one another with me who doesn’t know anyone I don’t want to bother anyone and so I never do join the ongoing ones and eventually I just stop checking another discord at all yet again.

Im really struggling with this one.
And as I don't really have friends who play games, except for my partner who is away at work for 5 days a week (truck driver) so it gets really lonely.

And I am fine, really, its just sometimes id be nice to feel a presence of another soul while I game yet I have no idea how to overcome the above.

Any tips, ideas, suggestions?
Zoja

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA_idkidkidk1
Friend’s sister (20’sF) was openly flirting with my husband (40M) in front of me (31F). I told her off publicly and now they want a public apology from me. What action should I take so that I don’t ruin my friendship?
Originally posted to relationship_advice
Thanks to u/_ThinkerBelle_ for suggesting this BoRU
Previous BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: manipulation, sexual harassment, obsessive behavior, slander
Original Post March 12, 2024
I(31F) am close friends with Lisa (33F) we met at college, and became roommates and I love her to death. Lisa has a sister ‘Amy’ (20’s F) whom I’ve met occasionally in college but she was so young at that time we never really hung out.
Lisa had a bridal shower in February and I financially contributed to most of it since I wasn’t able to be there in person to help with the planning. I gave money to Amy to pay for everything, the decor, food and alcohol. I even paid for an overnight stay at a hotel for all 7 girls. I did all of this because I couldn’t make it to her bachelorette party the week before, I had also paid for the limo Amy wanted to host the party in. At the shower I saw Amy and she was gushing about how I had spent a lot of money on Lisa. I just said if it’s for Lisa I would have paid for anything. Amy was hinting that my job was paying so much money for me to spend on Lisa this much. I’m a new surgeon just graduated from residency, i got a pay bump but not a lot. I’m lucky because my husband is supporting me while I go through fellowship. My husband (40M) is a doctor too but so much more advanced in his career than me. For my wedding gift he paid off the remainder of my student loans. He is amazing and I am obsessed with him.
Wedding happened in March, my husband and I came for the wedding. Family and close friends were invited to Lisa’s parent’s place for dinner after. Amy was very handsy with my husband even during the wedding she was asking him about his job how smart he was to be working in the ICU how hot he was how he looks like a young Alain Delon bla bla. My husband was giving me signals to come to him and I did. This happened at least 2 more times. At Lisa’s parent’s, Amy was wrapping her arm around my husbands back and was serving him drinks and food. I told Lisa’s mom about how Amy’s making me and my husband very uncomfortable and her mom pulled her aside and told her off i think because she came out grumpy. She was still acting like a crazed teenager because when we wanted to leave she wouldn’t give my husband his jacket back to him and kept sniffing it. I had a feeling that she was drunk and completely out of it. My husband raised his voice and told her to stop messing around and give it to him. I yelled “can you stop being so difficult you’ve been shamelessly flirting with my husband in front of me the whole day give me the damn jacket and leave us alone”.
I got a text from Lisa’s mom demanding I publicly apologize to Amy as in post on social media a heartfelt apology because some of the guests heard me yell at her and thought I was overreacting and humiliated her.
Lisa is on my side and told me Amy has always had gold digging tendencies and that this isn’t the first time she’d done something like this. She flirted with her friend’s dad and their next door neighbour who is married when she thought that they were wealthy. Lisa said that she’ll handle it. I already felt so bad I ruined the last moments of her wedding day and now she has to deal with this. I’m ruminating on this a lot lately and wondering if I should apologize to Amy. I don’t want to but then again if I did, I would explain exactly what happened and how it merited my reaction to her. Though this might add fuel to the fire. There is so much drama right now and I want to preserve my friendship with Lisa.
TLDR: friend’s sister flirting with my husband, i ‘embarrassed’ her and now she wants a public apology. I’m thinking of doing it but detailing exactly what happened and might paint her in a bad light. But all this drama could cost my friendship with my friend.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
jamicam

Are the guests at the wedding also your Facebook friends? I don't understand how a public apology on social media would work in this case... I mean, I imagine the guests include aunts, uncles, neighbors, etc., of the family. Are they really going to see your FB apology?

OOP

Her mom wants me to tag her and Lisa so that their family can see it. I don’t even use facebook anymore but her family are still active on it.

jamicam

If you don't use FB then there's your answer.
Lisa said she'll handle it. I'd let this alone.

Update March 18, 2024
Keeping it as short as I can and typos galore cuz I’m oncall.
Previous post got so popular that Amy’s mom found it and texted me to take down (in all caps). I got around to read most of the comments a day after I posted when I finished my shift. I didn’t not apologize to anyone or did anything at all frankly I forgot about it since I had people close to dying on me left and right at work. I gaslit Amy’s mom into thinking that I never did such a thing and that I did not have a Reddit account (she believed it I think since she didn’t text me back, cmon the details I put in that post were exactly what she experienced and she didn’t find it odd?).
For clarification:

1. One of you said I had a spine of a jellyfish (loved that comment) and not apologizing was the right thing to do. I was hesitant and was actually considering giving that apology because of the fact that she fed me and let me stay in her home during thanksgiving and Christmas many years ago when I couldn’t go home to my family. I’m the kind of person who’ll remember every good thing you do for me and do my best to reciprocate or get even so as to not be indebted to you. Idk what kind of mental illness is that, I never retained much of the psychiatric info from medschool.
   
2. A lot of people insinuated that me being docile and restrained in those kinds of situations makes me a bad surgeon to which i say i beg your effing pardon. Would you want someone who’s operating on you have a criminal record for causing bodily harm/homicide? Also I’ve dealt with worse than Amy I’ve survived handling 19 psychotic patients with TBIs for a whole rotation. Me being aggressive would have gotten me kicked out of my fellowship.
   

Things that have transpired:

1. I tried to avoid contacting Lisa since she went off on her honeymoon but because of the popularity of my previous post I decided to give her a heads up. Lisa was more than apologetic, in fact she facetimed me and we had a very teary conversation about her family. There were a lot more going on that I never knew but mine and my husband’s involvement in her family drama was the last straw. She had decided to go no contact with her mom and sister. She also warned me that Amy might approach my husband in some way but no idea how. She’s also getting her extended family involved about Amy.
   
2. My husband does not have any social media (so hot) and he did not give out his number to anyone at all during the wedding. He is anal about loyalty and transparency in our marriage. We have access to each other’s electronics. I know he would never cheat on me. 3 days ago someone called my husband’s clinic asking to get his number for an ‘emergency’ and that she needed to get a hold of his wife. The nurse who answered refused to give a physician’s personal number and the conversation got heated. My husband’s colleague, another intensivist, took over and asked her to tell him what the emergency was so that he could tell my husband himself. The person on the phone argued some more and when the doctor wouldn’t give she hung up. That friend told my husband what happened and said the woman didn’t give her name but had a very high pitched child-like voice. My husband immediately knew it was Amy but we have no proof. I know it was her, she must have searched my husband’s name on google and found where he worked since his professional profile is online along with the name of his hospital.
   

I’m getting more and more irritated by this whole thing and have gone full on mama bear mode over my husband. He was furiously annoyed after the wedding and was saying if the genders were switched he would have definitely gotten punched not even halfway through the wedding. My husband had terrible experiences with women before, two women at different times tried to baby trap him, one did some Sherlock level manipulation and one harassed us when we were dating. He is usually a cool and calm guy but now he hasn’t been smiling or joking around with me like he always does ever since the wedding.
Anywho, my uncle (our lawyer) was consulted, security at my husband’s dept and around our home have been notified. Thank you guys.
PS: Kelly if you’re reading this, do something about your younger daughter before something bad happens. Also you don’t deserve your older daughter.
Edit: a Moriarty level manipulation…now that makes more sense not sherlock tf
RELEVANT COMMENTS
I3ex_G

Damn, can your lawyer uncle draft a letter to scare Amy? Just outlining what she is doing is harassment and the outcome if she continues? Sounds like Amy might need mental help and threats of repercussions might force her mother’s hand to getting her help. Is the dad around? I hope other family members will start pressuring Amy to get help

OOP

Nope, we couldn’t prove it was Amy that called. We just have to wait and see if she does anything. Our only hope is that she stays broke and can’t afford to travel to where we live since it’s far from hers. Her dad’s dead. I hope so too.

~
procrastinating_b

Why’s everyone got an uncle lawyer lol

OOP

I’m half Asian. That uncle is Asian too. That should answer your question

Forsaken_Woodpecker1

I’m rolling this response is hilarious 🤣

NEW UPDATE

Update 2 - Final Update May 16, 2024
I’ll try and see if I can update on here since I cant update again on relationships advice. Posts are in my profile for now.
I’ve got so many dms wanting an update but some (legal things) happened since and I couldn’t tell especially since everyone that was involved knows about this post already.
We have the number of the woman who called but it wasn’t Amy’s number (I have her number) but she could’ve gotten another number. At that time, I was almost confident it was her so I got the name of the person the phone number was registered to. We’ll call her Cece Smith. What threw me off was this person had been using that number for 7 years BUT I later found out this woman lived/lives in the area Amy lives. I called Lisa to ask if she knew who Cece is and lo and behold Cece is Amy’s best friend. I told Lisa about the call to the clinic, she went silent, said she had to go and ended the call.
The next day (March 21st) Lisa texted me that she had gotten a verbal confession from Amy about the call to my husband’s clinic. Not only that, when everything happened right after the wedding, I had not blocked Amy from my instagram yet. She must have gone through my followers list and found my husband’s family, dm-ed them with ‘evidence’ that I was cheating on him. Wedding was on March 10th, the call was on March 15th, I blocked her March 16th. Some time after March 10th she had found and gotten in contact with my MIL, 2 SILs and my niece who is 13 years old about my ‘infidelity’. There were skeptical thank God and contacted my husband on March 23rd. I swear to god this girl is so stupid i dont get why she would waste her time on doing this and doing it very poorly at that. My SIL sent a screenshot of the chat from “mizz_(Amy’s real name)” to my husband and he wanted to throw his phone to the wall. Lisa sent me the recording of the entire call she had with Amy admitting to everything and some serious threats about what she would do to me. One of which that she was going to report me to my state medical board (no basis whatsoever like I said, she is an idiot, the premium kind).
We got in touch with my uncle (yes the lawyer who u guys were so baffled about seriously why is it so surprising that I have an uncle who’s a lawyer his wife is a lawyer and so is their daughter, they are a very righteous family idk what else to say), we sent a C&D letter telling Amy to not contact me, husband and in-laws and I let my chief of surgery and head of my program know about this just in case.
March 29th she really reported me to the medical board (it doesn’t have to be doctor-patient related, a doctor could be harassing someone in the grocery store and a witness can report that doctor to the board, THAT is the purpose of creating this avenue to complain) even though they were warned about this, they still had to do the preliminary investigations on me and interview me to hear my side. Major pain in the ass for me especially since I’m 5-months pregnant. The case on me is closed.
April 3rd Amy dm-ed my niece again with ‘new evidence’ of my infidelity. My sweet niece ran to her mom who told my husband and me. We got a court ordered restraining order against her now. When all of this happened, Lisa was helping me along the way, the cherry on top was when Lisa had access to Amy’s email and her instagram (she never logged out), posted how she tried to homewreck a marriage and outing Amy online with screen shots and snippets of the phone call. Lisa changed her password and Amy couldn’t log in to delete it. Lisa made this known to her entire family and they are putting pressure on her mom (hi Kelly) to rein her in. I dont know the specifics but they are using the family inheritance or some heirloom as a bargaining chip for her to behave good. The girl has some mental issues for sure would love to give her a lobotomy.
I hope to god this is the last of this and Amy stays away from us but I have this gnawing feeling that she’s going to try something again. Lisa is the hero in this honestly, she’ll continue to keep an eye out to see if Amy starts shit again (if she does Lisa’s going to hire a hitman so she says).
I dont even know how to TLDR this. Read it or don’t. I hope this is the final update. To the people who don’t believe this happened it did happen but since it’s so unreal, i don’t blame you.
Ps- husband and I are going to couples counseling together as per advised in the comments of the prior post. We are doing very well, he’s planning an intimate gender reveal soon for me (he knows the gender since he’s a trained sonographer lol).
If there’s any question I’ll be happy to answer. Will delete this account in a few days
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I (25F) am in a long-term relationship with a great woman but lately, I’ve been thinking of the girl I was in love with throughout high school and it won’t let me be in peace.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to respark anything but I do want closure. It was quite toxic as we often made each other jealous and neither of us ever addressed the elephant in the room, on top of cutting contact very abruptly after 5 years of being in the same class and very obviously being into each other.
Okay, maybe calling her a crush is an understatement - I believe we were very much in love. I wrote poetry for her on my Tumblr and she always reposted it and often communicated back in code via her Tumblr. She told some friends very drunkenly that she wants to kiss me and she always looked at me during class. Once, towards the end of our weird “friendship”, she texted me all of a sudden and told me she really cares about me and just wanted to share it and that I shouldn’t say anything back. There were many other signs too.
The problem is neither of us ever said anything directly. We grew up in a conservative Eastern European shithole country and while being gay was slowly becoming alright-ish, the environment at our school was definitely not accepting.
I saw that she now has a boyfriend (actually, she had multiple in the past 5 years), so I don’t want to respark anything for her either but I do feel like I need closure. I never heard her admit her feelings to me and we never ever spoke honestly about things. I feel that it’s a big part of why I still carry some internalized homophobia in me.
I did end up talking a lot of smack on her for being a liar after the fight and going no contact (which tbh was true, she is a manipulator and a liar or at least was) but I do feel a strong desire to meet her for my own sake and perhaps it’d be healing for her too? I do want what’s best for her at the end of the day.
With that thought creeping through my head occasionally for about a year now, I did end up sending her a friend request on Facebook but what ended up is she first declined it and then proceeded to block all of my socials a day or two later.
Understandable - closeted and hurt me wasn’t the nicest person either.
But I do think about it still. I won’t bother her again but I do keep a small hope that she may change her mind one day and unblock me, perhaps even have a conversation with me.
Will this hope lead me to eternal misery? I can work on all of that without her and in therapy but the silence between us is so deeply rooted in me that I feel like breaking it finally would be the most healing thing I can do.
P.S. I haven’t told my partner about all of this but I know she’d be supportive!

old version of this , this is the revised version, dead links have been removed. Please comment on anything missing.

Make sure to check out , our archive sub! DissociaDiscourse
what people consider the chain of events that started the controverys + Direct link to google doc
Timeline one + Direct link to google doc
Timeline two +Direct link to google doc
Timeline for 2022 specifically + Direct link to google doc
2023 timeline
Timeline four +Direct Link to google doc
faq for newbies
REMINDER! Google deletes google docs and archive's if the person does not sign into the account for 3+ years, be sure to save these doc's and achieves so they don't become lost media.
Youtuber's feel free to go through all these link's and make a long 4+ hour video on all of this so it is archived on youtube again (and thank you to the youtubers who cover the things on so that there are alterative versions of these archives)
Video archives
Entropy’s stream the story of everything that happen (if you YouTube search entropy + live stream more videos will appear)
Bobo and co live stream
Bobo and Co live stream about their personal experience with DissociaDID as someone who knew them irl and online
4 hour accountability video archived on the way back machine
General video’s archive / DissociaDID / Team piñata/ Bobo&co / Entropy live stream and more. Videos about the earlier controversy’s pre 2022 and past friends speaking out
Miscellaneous video archives
Hiki’s Google Drive
Lux’s Google Drive
Ama’s Google Drive
P’s Google Drive
Text based timelines
2020 hiatus time-line
Kya&Co/DissociaDID 2022 time-line
One person’s (overly comprehensive) take on the history and impact of dissociadid
racism
Black Lives Matter incident
More on the racism
One
Two
Reddit post discussing Nadia - Indigenous alter
Indigenous person speaks out on racism + Direct youtube
More on the racism
One
Two
Three - British Indian accent
SRA posts
seems to have plagiarized her alters and headspace form Illuminati books
Directly asking SRA victims their trauma on Facebook and the specifics
claims being kidnapped and water tortured at a young age
SRA trauma possibly stolen from a book
Victim of stolen trauma comes forward
More victims come forward of alleged stolen stories and spying in facebook groups
Is Omega the alter stolen
DissociaDID addressing the SRA claims
SRA, Anti-semitism, the jewish question and how they are all interconnected
has found a lot of stuff here / here
DDLG claims / flirting with minors / minor endangerment / team piñata
Team Piñata allegations summary
Team piñata mentions since the breakup
The 4 hour accountability video transcript (2020)
highlight part one / part two
Valentines live stream (2021)
Highlight / full video
Uncandid episode (2022) highlight
YouTube video (2022) Where they mention past relationships(I don’t have a highlight clip so here’s the full video part one and
two)
community post clarifying everything after mentioning their relationship in the alter update video(s) if you want a highlight for this someone tell me the time stamp.
On TikTok(2023) video one / video two
Kyaandco and Team Piñata at Disney land, people often accuse this of being fetish content of the kink ddlg.
Lack if boundaries with minors, flirting with minors & sexual comments towards minors on an account marked 18+ only archived
DissociaDID trying to keep people quiet about their ex fiancé making CP art
Their opinions on team piñata actions in 2022
Posting videos where their littles look nude
DissociaDID posts what is considered soft core and pov porn on TikTok, you can find videos similar, if not content exactly like Mara’s air humping video and Kya’s chest shot on porn sites. TikTok is a public app that is 12+, both profiles are public with way to manually age restrict children from seeing it, their videos can randomly appear on anyones suggested page due to the algorithm.
Examples
One
Two
on an account marked 18+ due to its content being sexual/sensual, they posted a thirst trap to a children’s song where children sing, this video is made to get a rise from people sexually or be seen as sensual.
Recent sexual aggression/harassment towards a commenter in tiktok
Supporting Team piñata
Unreliable testimony’s from “mental health” providers / Misinformation
One
Two
Three
Spreading misinformation
Promoting anti recovery sentiments by treating alter splits and fusions as death, this is fear mongering that stops people from wanting to heal.
Posting Triggering Eating Disorder content that could trigger other people with ED’s into relapsing
One
Two (body checking)
[Three] body check in Nan’s hat, their body has been cropped from the photo to not trigger anyone
Using their platform to abuse and bully an threaten to doxx people Add on provided by
The Two Bullying Videos "Not Liking Myself" - Quick Response to the 2nd Video
Impact of the First Video
Their Non-Apology for the Second Video, where they say TR is "playing the victim"
Tripling Down - "It's not bullying"
Order of Events’
A Viewer's Account of the Livestream
Kya Announces New 18+ Policy for Lives
Comment and Reply to Twilight's Reign
12/15/22 - The Two Bullying Videos
The Effects of the First Video
Twilight's Response to the Second Video
Doubling Down on Video Two
DARVO: Kya's Non-Apology to Twilights-reign
Reply Used in Kya's Video, Under TR's "Not Liking Myself" Thread
Twilights-reign's mentioned "Hate Video"
Attempts to Distract: Two-Week TikTok Dump DissociaDID has illegally copyrighted a small channel called Granddadslounge 3x which can result in her channel being terminated and she will no longer be able to monetized her videos even if she makes a new channel because of youtubers copy right guidelines He talks about it on their channel in lots of videos
Buried comments in this subreddit by other YouTubers who personally knew DD Buried comment left the entropy system Buried comment left by M&M buried comment left by M&M
Buried Comment by Axolotsinatrenchcoat + another comment buried comment by the Entropy system
Miscellaneous
Trauma they’ve claimed so far Scamming on Patreon and other subjects
DissociaDID Patreon: DO NOT SUPPORT. Brief explanation inside Patreon Perks
Examples of DissociaDID art they sell on Patreon monthly that is all either copied or traced without credit.
Inappropriate sexual content
Giving unsafe sex advice
Inappropriate interactions with minors
Sexual comment towards a minor on an account marked 18+ about a minor's gag relax and how they can teach them work 'work on it
Inappropriate interactions with minor's in comments on tiktok
Simulating Sex on tiktok where minor's can see, their account is not age restricted and there is no warning so even if a parent is watching they would not be able to scroll away before the simulated sex begins
Sexualizing children's media (overlay of the children's / toddler's show)
Claiming sadism is not sexual
talking to minor's on a video about sex in which video has very unsafe sex advice that is dangerous
Lack of asking for consent
Using Mike their underaged minor to flirt with people / encourage flirting
Their (current) usernames across social media
Facebook : DissociaDID
Instagram : DissociaDID
Patreon: KyaandCo
Podcasts (spotify & other streaming services):
Candid (podcast with Bradid system)
SantiTea (podcast with team piñata)
TikTok : kyaandco, TheDemoness, kyaandco_backup
Twitch : thesystemstream
Youtube : DissociaDID
Former usernames:
DeviantArt: https://www.deviantart.com/cnwilkinsonart
Instagram: CalamityNinja Patreon: DissociaDID
Tumblr: CalamityNinja and https://
cnwilkinsonart-blog.tumblr.com/
TikTok: Ninandco, DissociaDID
Twitter: https://twitter.com/cnwilkinsonart and ninnamonroll
Revised + new links 2024 Pinned post - The controversy and why people are upset with DissociaDID /Ninandco / Kyaandco

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12. https://x.com/1goonrich/status/1793057309943304410
    
13. https://x.com/TheCryptoSquire/status/1793177897777221723
    
14. https://x.com/cryptoprolegend/status/1793227176189239621
    
15. https://x.com/silvinaescudero/status/1793234197802369366
    
16. https://x.com/JakeGagain/status/1793210190084329934
    
17. https://x.com/cryptogems555/status/1793236804117692682
    
18. https://x.com/CryptoThro/status/1793187132648857707
    
19. https://x.com/100xAltcoinGems/status/1793202640467443810
    
20. https://x.com/cryptogems\_/status/1793241391256199368
    

📅 It will only take a few seconds. You can vote every 24h. No login needed.

1. Hit up CMC and hit the GOOD Button 👍

https://coinmarketcap.com/currencies/baby-doge-coin/

1. Hit up Coingecko and hit the Rocket Button 🚀

https://www.coingecko.com/en/coins/baby-doge-coin

👉🏻 Simply click the link, type babydoge in the search bar, click on baby doge coin, let the website load and close the page.

1. Go to https://coinmarketcap.com

SEARCH for 'babydoge'.

1. Go to https://www.coingecko.com

SEARCH for 'babydoge'.

Have a nice and prosperous day BabyDogeArmy!

🌐 Don't miss out any post from BabyDoge socials:

(NEW) ⌨️ Interact with the latest BabyDogeCoin post on X/Twitter (like, repost):
https://x.com/BabyDogeCoin/status/1793045032896708922
(NEW) ⌨️ Interact with the latest BabyDogeNFTs post on X/Twitter (like, repost):
https://x.com/BabyDogeNFTs/status/1792873045595472308
⌨️ Interact with the latest BabyDogeImpact post on X/Twitter (like, repost):
https://x.com/Muttville/status/1790834684147945765
⌨️ Interact with the latest Instagram post (like):
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C6oCuicu2cv/?utm\_source=ig\_web\_copy\_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
⌨️ Interact with the latest Facebook post (like, share):
https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=762817349328427&set=a.507289728214525
(NEW) ⌨️ Interact with the latest CMC post (like, repost):
https://coinmarketcap.com/community/post/336538704

(NEW) 💬 Do you want to shill BabyDoge, but don't know where to start? Check these posts from last 24 hours (May 22nd 2024), comment #BabyDoge on posts you prefer:

1. https://x.com/BNBCHAIN/status/1793235359846834259
   
2. https://x.com/rovercrc/status/1793194838990463071
   
3. https://x.com/MartiniGuyYT/status/1793212931900870735
   
4. https://x.com/HTX\_Global/status/1793235366394150973
   
5. https://x.com/LBank\_Exchange/status/1793060207154667524
   
6. https://x.com/AltCryptoGems/status/1793153655186612247
   
7. https://x.com/Yourpop8/status/1793100286141329642
   
8. https://x.com/Flordelav/status/1793231531042881614
   
9. https://x.com/sofizamolo/status/1793232718232158424
   
10. https://x.com/ElonMuskPDA/status/1793216147904680057
    
11. https://x.com/MrBigWhaleREAL/status/1793170220061982915
    
12. https://x.com/1goonrich/status/1793057309943304410
    
13. https://x.com/TheCryptoSquire/status/1793177897777221723
    
14. https://x.com/cryptoprolegend/status/1793227176189239621
    
15. https://x.com/silvinaescudero/status/1793234197802369366
    
16. https://x.com/JakeGagain/status/1793210190084329934
    
17. https://x.com/cryptogems555/status/1793236804117692682
    
18. https://x.com/CryptoThro/status/1793187132648857707
    
19. https://x.com/100xAltcoinGems/status/1793202640467443810
    
20. https://x.com/cryptogems\_/status/1793241391256199368
    

📅 It will only take a few seconds. You can vote every 24h. No login needed.

1. Hit up CMC and hit the GOOD Button 👍

https://coinmarketcap.com/currencies/baby-doge-coin/

1. Hit up Coingecko and hit the Rocket Button 🚀

https://www.coingecko.com/en/coins/baby-doge-coin

👉🏻 Simply click the link, type babydoge in the search bar, click on baby doge coin, let the website load and close the page.

1. Go to https://coinmarketcap.com

SEARCH for 'babydoge'.

1. Go to https://www.coingecko.com

SEARCH for 'babydoge'.

Have a nice and prosperous day BabyDogeArmy!

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