TRIGGER WARNING! (SA, ABUSE, SUICIDE.)
Hi everyone, I've posted before about this incident but I'm just kinda pissed and sad about it randomly so I need a rant. I've also never really gone into my grandmother's part in the very worst time in my life.
So quick recap, dad has always been abusive, it finally got physical 3 years ago. A quick rundown of what happened because I've already posted about this, my parents threw away my childhood toys without asking me, I was devastated and crying a lot, father told me to leave and never come back, I went a few days without eating in my room crying over it all. Dad came to my room to ask what a noise was that he heard, I didn't respond. Stupidly, I thought if he sees how hurt I am maybe he will finally do right by me and tell me sorry and comfort me. Well I'm a fucking idiot cuz nah he decided to throw a bitch tantrum, slamming shit around, cussing, etc. Finally grabbed me, threw me to the ground, put bruises on me, threatened to call the cops on me, because somehow I did something wrong??? Anyway I went to stay with my grandma, my dad's mom.
So here's what happened, I guess technically me and grandma were close, but not super close because she is a Karen and a freaking idiot tbh so it was hard for me to spend time with her. Anyway, I guess I didn't learn from a few days earlier because I was like, maybe something good will come of this terrible situation, me and my grandma will finally get super close. I was hopeful. Well I spent a bad night crying about what had happened to me and having a panic attack. I woke up to my grandma telling me I need to go home, her words were "I can't live like this." What was she talking about you ask? I had cried so much that night I had used an entire box of tissue and it was pilled up in the trash can. Yes. This bitch kicked me out because of that. I guess I was supposed to take the trash out at 4am or something. Meanwhile the whole house smelled like a garbage dump cuz she puts raw chicken in the trash and let's it fester for like a week before throwing it away. But no, I'm the gross one.
Anyway, I was absolutely crushed. I literally had no one who loved me or wanted me. I almost ended up in a homeless shelter. I came so close to just going to the road and hitch hiking with the first man who stopped. I didn't care if I got raped and murdered. I truly, truly did not care. How can someone be so sick in the head that they abandon their abused grandchild?? Not to mention I literally went a few weeks without eating so I could only walk a few steps before I had to sit down cuz I was so weak. And she just threw me away. No one in my family wanted to take me in. Apparently all were dealing with their own shit. I've never been so close to commiting suicide as I was then. I tried to starve myself to death actually. But somehow I made it through.
Well about a year later my grandma wanted to apologize, I let her text me, and this bitch had the nerve to tell me "I'll always be there if you need me." I almost vomited and historically laughed at the same time. Like bro, I literally almost killed myself or ended up raped and murdered because you abandoned me over some dirty fucking tissue in the trash can. What the fuck.
In the end I learned a lesson, never ever expect someone to treat you well, and never have hope that someone will do right by you in anyway. I know some people will be good to me, but I'll never expect it again. I don't ever want to feel that stupid again.
But I have good news, my grandma decided to sell her house to my parents so that they can take care of her until she dies and she doesn't have to go to a home. Well my parents, I guess as a way to apologize, gave the house to me. I'll be honest, if it was only up to me, I'd evict my grandma. I know it's a vindictive and cruel thing to do but I truly don't care. But sadly it's not only up to me, parents would have to sign off on it. So instead, I'm just going to move in, with my dog and cats and probably a roommate as well. We won't technically be living together though, my parents are having the house divided, I'll have 2 rooms, a bathroom, and a kitchen, and she will have her bathroom, room, and a new kitchen installed. There will be a wall separating us so kinda like an apartment. She is not happy at all lmao and I couldn't be happier. I'm going to be the absolute worst neighbor ever.🤣☺️😈
(Judge me if you want to, maybe I'm evil or something but hey, I get it from my dad's side of the family so it comes naturally.)

Read the title.
All of the helicopters, the planes, the police presence, the normal citizens on foot or in car stalking, the firefighters, the bad neighbors, the noise harassment, DEW, slander, gossip, mockery, everything it's all meant to be psychologically imposing on you on purpose I believe.
To get you to conform and surrender.
If you haven't already, clean up your behavior, your emotions and your routine. Clean it all up squeaky clean, clean and polished and stay like that forever.
I believe it's their attempt to modify your behavior, to punish you and to stop you from doing any crime (if there's even any crime to begin with).
I'm not saying the CIA doesn't possibly have their hands in on this somewhere like they usually do, doing what CIA is known best for which is to experiment on people like the demons they usually are but I believe the major goal of all of this ''Gangstalking'' is like I said above: Behavior modify, punishment, and to stop crime.
They've bothered, stalked, harassed, attacked, slandered, bullied me since I was 13 and I'm a full grown adult now. It's not only criminals they go after which they might like others to believe no not at all.
They can maybe piss me off and bother me sometimes at best but it's easier for me to piss of 50 of them in any given day when I go outside. It's effortless and easy to piss them off legally.
I see many thugs on the street who are involved in this Stalking campaign act two-faced.
They act like thugs off camera and out of public sight and in public and on camera they're polite and they aren't violent most of the time.
They do their shit off camera and out of the public but where cameras and people don't see they start acting like evil demons openly as long as the public and cameras can't see them.
Maybe that's something to think about for any of you reading this.
Be friendly, happy, don't be paranoid and be normal and have a regular routine out in the open because that's what these idiots do and they know if they do otherwise they'll get watched and kicked off the stalking campaign (Neighborhood Watch)
You can record and share to the World what is happening to you but don't hide, don't run, don't be negative and I'm sure they'll move on from you.
Protect yourself of course, guard your home, place cameras if needed take measures to protect yourself and your home. If you're getting hacked and it bothers you just treat all your devices as ''public'' devices don't take any private photos of yourself or others, just treat all of your devices like they are public devices as if you're not the only one seeing what you're doing on your devices which I know it sucks but viruses are rampant these days anyway and everyone's getting hacked and if you're not okay with that simply stay off the internet or just go to somewhere literally in public where you have access to public computers for the day or have a TV that is not connected to cable or the internet and maybe get a DVD player or something.
The stalking and harassment will end when you show them they don't bother you and don't affect you. You can fight back still and record and share what you're going through just don't give them anything they can use on you anymore if you're being followed, assume the person across the street and next to you is being followed treat everyone as being followed and just say this is America (or wherever you live) because it's true.
Hopefully if you or anyone else shares enough we can make real changes not down here on Neighborhood Watch but up in the Federal level as well if only we can make our experience known to the public and believed, because then good people who work for the Feds will believe it too which is a good thing.
As for me yeah I want to share my experiences but I also want to give everyone stalking me an incentive to stop right now and maybe that's just me and I'm not advising anyone to copy me this is just strictly me right now.
I don't mind playing their game back. At best they can sometimes piss me off and bother me sometimes but it's a whole lot easier for me to legally piss off 30 or 50 of them on any given day I go outside and by me doing this ALL of the public harassment has stopped completely.
They use to go on the bus and try to rush in and make sure I don't get any seats on the bus. Now they don't.
They use to push me and try to threaten and intimidate me which they've always failed but now they know better than to even try.
Sometimes if you're tough and you can be a little mean you can use that to demand the respect you deserve because sometimes in life if you're always nice and kind people will step on you and treat you like a pushover so I don't mind because tough and mean towards and only towards the stalkers.

Recovering from dental implant surgery is a crucial phase in your journey to restoring your smile and oral function. Understanding the recovery process is essential for a smooth and successful outcome. In this article, we will guide you through the dental implants recovery process, providing valuable information and helpful tips to ensure optimal healing and a speedy recovery.

Immediate Post-Surgery Care

After your dental implant surgery, it is normal to experience some discomfort, swelling, and minor bleeding. Here are some essential tips to manage your immediate post-surgery care:
Take prescribed pain medications as directed by your oral surgeon to alleviate any discomfort.
Apply an ice pack to the affected area to reduce swelling. Use it for 10-15 minutes at a time, with breaks in between.
Avoid touching or disturbing the surgical site to prevent infection or complications.
Stick to a soft diet and avoid chewing on the implant site to promote healing.

Managing Discomfort and Swelling

Discomfort and swelling are common after dental implant surgery. Here are some strategies to manage these symptoms effectively:
Take over-the-counter pain relievers, such as ibuprofen, as recommended by your dentist or oral surgeon.
Rinse your mouth gently with warm saltwater solution multiple times a day to reduce swelling and promote healing.
Avoid strenuous activities and get plenty of rest to aid the recovery process.
Elevate your head while sleeping to help minimize swelling.

Oral Hygiene

Maintaining proper oral hygiene is crucial for successful dental implant recovery. Follow these guidelines:
Brush your teeth gently using a soft-bristle toothbrush. Be cautious around the surgical area to avoid irritation.
Use an antimicrobial mouthwash recommended by your oral surgeon to keep the surgical site clean and free from bacteria.
Avoid rinsing or spitting forcefully for the first 24 hours after surgery to prevent dislodging the blood clot and disturbing the healing process.
Follow your dentist’s instructions regarding when to resume regular brushing and flossing.

Dietary Considerations

During the initial stages of recovery, it is important to consume a soft and nutritious diet. Here are some dietary considerations:
Stick to soft foods such as yogurt, mashed potatoes, soups, smoothies, and cooked vegetables.
Avoid hot and spicy foods that might irritate the surgical site.
Stay hydrated by drinking plenty of water and avoiding alcoholic and carbonated beverages.
Gradually reintroduce solid foods as advised by your oral surgeon.

Follow-up Appointments

Regular follow-up appointments with your dentist or oral surgeon are crucial for monitoring your recovery progress. These appointments allow your dental professional to assess the healing process and make any necessary adjustments or recommendations.

Book a Consultation Today!

Are you ready to regain your smile and oral function with dental implants? Don’t wait any longer! Book a consultation with our experienced dental professionals today and take the first step towards a confident smile.

So Saturday, I left my 71 yo mother with vascular dementia in the care of my 33 yo sister. I asked her if she needed me to feed our mother, get her up, give her meds or anything she replied with a no because she would be here by 9am (her normal get up time).
Sister wanted to have a “Bridgerton” viewing party at my house. (Please keep in mind)
Call to check in to see how things were going and no response from my sister.
3:30 I get a text from sister asking when I’m coming home to make food for the “Bridgerton” party.
3:55 I get a call saying our “ mother fell while I was getting her out of the shower and “passed out.” I proceed to rush home.
I come home to find my sister, went to get her nails done, go shopping for this “Bridgerton” party, mom hasn’t taken morning medicine, has not had any liquids nor has eaten anything. Keep in mind she normally gets evening meds between 5-5:30.
Mother is now in the hospital with a broken femur that will require surgery, 2 month healing process in rehab and will need to learn how to do steps again.
Im besides myself. This is all I can think about. Visiting my mother in the hospital in this state is utterly heartbreaking. Just why. I don’t know what to do. She seems so different now. They say once an elderly person falls that’s it. I moved my mother in with myself and my daughter and now we are here alone and I feel so lost and empty. I had to close the door to her room because it brings me to tears. The caring part was rough, but damn if you do damn if you don’t. I just don’t know. I know the person I was caring for was not the mom I remember, but I miss the shell that was here. I’m just spinning in circles. I would have a drink, but the doctor told me I need to stop because it’s messing with my RBC count. Sigh

1.) Download this text file, rename it as "desc_shortcuts.txt"
2.) Place it inside data/text in your game main directory (where medieval2.exe is, NOT inside your mod folder). If the text folder is not inside data, create it.
3.) Delete "keys.dat" inside the preferences folder from both your mods and your game's main directory.
4.) Launch the game and rebind your keys except for "Show Waypoints".
What's the fix? The desc_shortcuts.txt file contains the entry show_waypoints SPACE, which determines which key is used to show unit waypoints (Spacebar by default). I only added the word repeating beside SPACE after noticing that other keys that need to be held down also have that word beside them (i.e. for keybinds concerning camera movement). After testing, the flickering for unit waypoints have disappeared completely.
What if I use another key to show unit destination? Creative Assembly has listed down valid keyboard codes at the very beginning of desc_shortcuts.txt. All you need to do is copy your desired keyboard code and replace SPACE on both instances of show_waypoints. Remember to not remove the word "repeating" beside it, and remember to do Step 3.
Thanks to this post for teaching me how to unbind keys, where I then "discovered" how to do this fix. The post was instrumental in informing me that deleting keys.dat is essential.
I apologize if this was already discovered before. I couldn't find a real working solution myself when searching on my own, only people who think VSync is the best way to alleviate the flickering or people thinking this was a glitch.

So let's ignore the elephant in the room which is that I'm a fucking idiot, didn't check myCRA and notice my 2022 return was reassessed and they're clawing back $3500 (more now thanks to interest). My 2023 return is under assessment pending the closure of last years return. I have no concerns paying back the $3500 if I need to I'm simply trying to find out right now next steps and if I actually need to pay it.
Some details. My ex and I are separated 3 years but file our taxes with same accountant. We've raised concerns about how they're doing our taxes but have always deferred to them because "they're the experts". The fear is she might get dinged now because it's possible they effed up mine and now they effed up hers? Basically I'm being questioned about having my kids on my taxes even though she did/does not.
I just need to understand my order of operations.

1. I've already emailed the accountant with all the information provided by the CRA asking them what my next steps are.
2. I plan on calling the CRA in the morning and finding out if I provide the info they're asking for what that does to the re-assessment and if I have to actually pay back the amount.
3. After CRA I plan on calling the accountant because this puts my 2023 return in question now as it's currently paused until I pay the $3500.

There's this train if thought that Wendell is holding this team back. He unlocks Paolo and Franz.
Wendell is super under rated. He just shot 37.5% on 3.1 3PTA this year. Last year, 36% on 4 3PTA. He's mobile for a big, can switch only wing players and be somewhat ok, is a good passer for a frontcourt guy, processes the game well and fast enough and has enough feel to cut, screen, fade depending on what everybody else is doing on the court.
He's a damn good starter. He's solid defensively against 90% of 4s and 5s out there. Super big, skilled guys like Embiid and Jokic give him a hard time defensively but who doesn't struggle against them?
He's on a phenomenal deal that allows us to team build. He's a team player who vibes really well with the rest of the squad, he gets out of the way of Franz and Paolo who NEED to drive to be paint to be effective.
Why the fuck would we be looking to mess that up for a more expensive player who will clog the paint and force our best guys to not be able to play the way we want them to play?!
Nic Claxon? Complete non shooter, 55FT%. You want his defender half a step away from the mid post where we want Paolo to live? Where will the room be for Franz to drive to the paint? How will Suggs take the next step up if not driving and dishing?
Just remember what Paolo and Franz do best: driving to the paint, draw fouls. They were by far the #1 driving duo in the league. Don't kill the golden goose people!
Edit: what problem are you trying to solve anyhow? We're a top 5 defense in the league when healthy already. Is Nic Claxon that good defensively that doubling down on defense and making the offense THAT much worse a winning proposition? We're going to start winning games 84-83 with him all of sudden? Just not seeing it.

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Real Madrid, 2025/2026
August - December
Real Madrid could’ve repeated a treble the season before, but Rodrygo’s penalty miss and PSG’s subsequent win (with Valverde and Mbappé) in the final ended that dream. Still, a double was nothing to be ashamed for, and they had to lose a Champions League final sometime, right?
They were out for revenge in @@@’s third season. They started the league with 7 straight wins, and 12 games unbeaten with just 2 goals conceded, until their 0-1 loss in el Derby. They couldn’t bounce back and tied against Real Betis at home. It became the first time in two years the club had to chase a lead in the league against Barcelona. On the 30th of November, they win the Clasico 3-0, bringing the 1st place within 2 pts - and showing to the world that they were still stronger than Barça, who were managed by Marcelo Gallardo.
All of that chasing in the league, led the club to sacrifice their chances at a seeded qualification in the CL league phase, and it is a win in the last game against Copenhagen in January that barely makes them qualify for the play-offs, in which they comfortably beat Salzburg. In the round of 16 they would face Barcelona.
January - March
A lot happened in January. Real Madrid win the super cup against Barcelona, but it is their business off the pitch that draws all attention this time. Vinicius, after handing in his transfer request in the prior season, which he later dropped together with Rodrygo, is approached by PSG and the club decided it has had enough. Vinicius is shown the door, midseason. City wanted Bellingham, whom the club couldn’t convince to stay, and they decided to let Güler take the front foot and let the Englishman go as well.
Real Madrid won every league game until the 28th of february, where they tied 2-2 against Las Palmas away. Perhaps with that tie, everything came crashing down. In the last 7 weeks, the team had played 17 games, while losing Vinicius and Bellingham in two transfers (and others on injury, such as Brahim (for a couple of months), Miguel Gutierrez, and their star, who played through his discomfort, Endrick).
Real Madrid showed signs of fatigue when they lost 0-1 against Barça in the first leg of the Spanish Cup semi-final, but it was in the round of 16 in the Champions League at home vs Barça that Real Madrid died. A 1-1 at half time became a 1-5 with the final whistle. They lost the next game against Rayo in the league, which they sacrificed to try a ‘remontada’, in which they were brutally put down 4-0 in el Camp Nou. Hopes at a comeback in the Spanish Cup were also quickly put down: 2-0 for Barça.
22nd of March - 24th of May
All that remained was the league. But before the last international break, Real Madrid tied vs Valencia, and those dropped points against Las Palmas and Rayo before weighed heavy against a Barcelona that was on a mission. Real Madrid had to chase a lead again, but still had one last Clasico in el Camp Nou to go, one last chance at redemption. And of course, when Barça were eliminated in the CL vs PSG and when they lost the cup final vs Real Mallorca, Real Madrid smelled blood. Still, they couldn’t win against Barça. It was a 1-1 that did give Real Madrid the H2H, but kept them at the mercy of Barcelona, who had a game in hand, of dropping points.
Barça lost their game in hand against Valencia, and tied the following match against La Real, which put Real Madrid 2 pts in front. With two games to go, Real Madrid brutally put down Almeria 9-0 while Barça barely won against Alaves with 0-1. And so, Real Madrid would have the last laugh. All it takes in football, however, is one bad day, and Real Madrid decided to have one against a Celta that had won 5 games in a row. It became 2-0 in Balaídos, while Barça, essentially mocking Real Madrid’s 9-0 in the prior round, won 7-0 when it actually mattered.
Post-season
@@@, who had been given a 4-year contract by Florentino in the prior season after his outstanding work, was called in the new president’s office, Jaume Grau, under whom he won only the new club world cup and the Spanish super cup. Asked for explanations, he explained that the departures of Vinicius and Bellingham, the subsequent injuries and the amount of matches just destroyed his season - but the board didn’t accept that. @@@, in a case of hubris, declared that they wouldn’t find anyone better than him, not knowing that they had already agreed a deal with Klopp, who had been on a hiatus after his time at Liverpool, and so @@@ was sacked. In truth, @@@ had been living on borrowed time, and it was the 4-year contract that Florentino handed him just before stepping down that protected him, perhaps knowing that the new board was all too keen on hiring Klopp.
@@@ left through the back door, even though he was the first manager to complete a treble for Real Madrid. He wanted to ‘build something’. His signings, young as they were, and his involvement with the B team(s) proved that he was determined to stay for the long-term. But what was supposed to be a Ferguson became a Mourinho. Conflicts with players (Ceballos, Vinicius, Rodrygo, Bellingham) overshadowed his third season and losing against a Barcelona with Ansu Fati, Ivan Toney and Ferran Torres up front, while having Endrick, Rodrygo and Güler just proved that there wasn’t any more gas left in the tank.
Klopp came in, and won a double - winning the league on the last match day. Like @@@, he lost the CL final against PSG, who had now done a threepeat - Real Madrid’s greatest achievement of the prior decade. Real Madrid got their rematch of the 24/25 final, and they lost it. A lot can be said about @@@, but while Vinicius and Bellingham dropped their team midseason, he always stood in front, whether they had just lifted the Champions League or lost 1-9 on aggregate vs Barça - he was there, defending his colours.

So I recently got back from a cruise and it was my first one. I was supposed to go with my ex, but obviously didn’t, so I soloed it. I was already nervous going into all of this solo for the first time. On the night before the “fun day at sea” they placed notes on the door handles that there would be a deck cleaning the next day. I was kinda frustrated I wouldn’t be able to use my balcony for hours on the day at sea, but nothing I could do about it.
That morning I got up around 8:00 to go get breakfast. I didn’t shower yet or put on sunscreen. I just went in leggings and an t-shirt. I wanted to get to the burrito place before the line got long and then go back shower and get ready for the day. Well around 8:30 I go back to my room and they have a cord running through it hooked up to some machine they were using to clean the balcony. So my cabin door was wide open for everyone to see my lovely bra and undies on the floor near my bed. I ran in cleaned up my cloths and stepped out on the deck to ask how long they would be. They said 30 minutes. I grabbed my book and went to sit on serenity deck to read for a bit. An hour goes by I start to feel my skin getting a little red because I don’t have on sunscreen. I return to my room. They are still using it to run their cord through with the door wide open. I again ask how much longer. They again say 30 minutes. So I go to the casino for an hour. I return to my room. They are still in there. At this point I start to have an anxiety attack and cry out of frustration. I go down to the customer service deck upset. They get them out of there and I finally got to shower and get ready for the day at 11:00 now.
This really left an awful taste in my mouth about cruising in general. Is this type of stuff normal? Just getting kicked out your room for hours with no warning? Has anyone else experienced this? Do balcony cleanings always happen on sea days?

Another summer is here and I still am not comfortable taking off my shirt. I started (kind of) hitting the gym a year and a half ago. Recently I’ve been very serious about it. Pretty much for the last 6 months I’ve been going 5-6 days a week depending on how busy work is. Summer is a less busy time for me, so I really want to start habits that will have me looking better for next summer. Here’s what I’m working with:
To remain anonymous I want to stay vague

• I’m a male at the upper end of 5 foot and early 20s
  
• According to an online calculator using waist and neck measurements, I am about 20% body fat, I’d love to get it down to 15%, 10% would be ideal
  
• I weighed about 180 6-9 months ago, but now weight about 190. This concerns me because yes I’ve seen a lot of progress since then muscle mass wise, but also I haven’t seen a significant change in my stomach fat
  
• my diet has varied greatly. I’ve been in a calorie deficit, I’ve been told to bulk so I bulked for a bit but felt like crap, so now I’m back to a calorie deficit of about 300 calories. I want to see results asap, but I don’t want to lose a ton of muscle. From my research muscle gets used by the body first (if there aren’t sufficient nutrients available) then fat. I’ve also heard so many different things about carbs, they’re good, they’re bad. You need them to keep muscle, they cause fat gain. I’ve also struggled to get in my protein without going over calories, so if you have any good and cheap recipes plz share!
  
• my sleep is awful, for awhile I’d be running of 4 hours, and my stress was high with work. Cortisol I’ve heard is a big cause for fat gain
  

Here’s what I’m doing this summer:

• Drinking half my body weight in oz of water (~3L) everyday
  
• Prioritizing sleep (7-8 hours)
  
• getting my diet worked out (cooking sucks, that’s the only thing I struggle with)
  
• Gym in da am (my gym’s hours suck). 5-6 days a week of weight training
  
• I work a decently active job so I get ~6k steps in there
  
• I have taking walks in the evening (~1 mile) to complete the 10k steps a day thing.
  

What I still have questions about:

• How can I track fat progress? It’s easy for me to see muscle gains, bc I am constantly getting compliments about how I look bigger. I just feel I look the same fat wise
  
• what meals can I make that are good in protein and cheap, need about 65g of protein per meal.
  
• Should I bulk? Should I cut? I’ve heard both work? Too many people and sources telling me too many different things
  
• Anything that you also advise or helped you!
  

Thanks for taking your time to help!

Looking for more anime that have female main characters that really fight and get their hands dirty, like Claymore, Kill la Kill, Castlevania, GitS, etc.
Anime has a bad habit of writing off and marginalizing female characters, especially in battle. I love when female characters have serious, gritty fights where they get roughed up and kick people's asses and aren't afraid to let them handle themselves without the knight in shining armor stepping in.
Do they even make any anime like Kengan, Kenichi, Baki, etc, that are female-led?
Thanks!

Previous Posts
Grayson kept his promise and came over to talk with me. He arrived after classes for both of us were done for the day. It also meant that Cassie was home and this time, she didn’t vanish into her bedroom to give us privacy. She waited until we were both seated in the living room and Titanosaur was settled in Grayson’s lap, thereby preventing him from escaping.
Please don’t read too much into that, as I’ve said before Titanosaur has like three brain cells and will sit in literally anyone’s lap. Our landlady sent her husband over to fix the leaking faucet in the bathroom and Titan was trying to climb in his lap while the poor guy was sitting there with half his body inside of a cabinet.
Then Cassie came over, carrying a chair from the kitchen, and also seated herself with us. I glanced at Grayson. He looked dismayed, but was hiding it well in an effort to be polite. I decided to lean into my non-confrontational side and not ask her to leave.
“You’ve been acting a bit out of character lately,” I began delicately. “As a friend, I’m worried about you.”
“And I’m worried too,” Cassie added. “Maybe you don’t think of me as a friend, but you’ve been hanging out around Ashley enough that I consider you one of mine.”
Huh. I wasn’t expecting that, to be honest. I thought Cassie didn’t like him. I don’t think she was lying, either.
“Have you considered getting grief counseling?” she continued.
Straight to the point. I was glad Cassie was there. My plan was to tiptoe delicately around the subject for what probably would have been another 500 words worth of dialogue here in this post I’m writing up. Fortunately, Cassie’s willingness to address a problem directly saved me the typing and you the tedium.
“Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t,” Grayson said. “The university doesn’t know he’s gone yet.”
“Who is running this place?” Cassie asked in amazement.
I know. We’ve all been thinking it. Turns out the answer is ‘there’s a board’ and they make all the real decisions. The president is just a figurehead. Which is pretty obvious if you stop and think about it. I wanted to ask if the flickering man reported to the board but I also didn’t want to derail the conversation with things that really didn’t matter anymore. It’s safer to just assume the board is the administration I’ve been wondering about this whole time. Heck, it’s safer to assume everyone except for the students and professors are responsible in some part for the whole monster situation.
Sorry for not finding out for certain, but Grayson was working through some important stuff and I didn’t dare interrupt.
“I don’t want counseling, either,” he continued. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I never cared for him. Not in a familial sense. My presence was more to fill a role.”
Things were starting to connect in my head. This conversation reminded me of some things the flickering man had said. Roles to be filled. A cycle, ushering in new students to fill them. They’d been filling the president’s role with a corpse - a very old one, judging by the date on the photo Cassie took of the headstone - so perhaps that wasn’t the only role being filled.
“Were you adopted?” I asked. “By the president?”
“I was.”
Beside me, Cassie took a deep breath. It wasn’t from shock. It sounded more like… annoyance. If I’m being generous with the term.
“The flickering man said something to me,” I said slowly. “That I wasn’t the first person he’d seen like this and I wouldn’t be the last. Are you… not the only child that the president has adopted?”
“...I’m not.”
This is the point where Cassie just lost it. Stood up, yelled ‘why the fuck didn’t you tell us any of this?!’ and stormed out of the room. She slammed the door to her bedroom shut behind her. Grayson and I sat there in the living room for a good minute, stunned, listening to what I’m 99% certain was Cassie screaming into her pillow. Then the door opened and she returned to calmly sit down on the sofa again.
“I’m good,” she said. “All better. Please continue.”
The details of the conversation get a little fuzzy at this point, as it seems that even though the forgetter is gone I’m still having memory issues. Unfortunately Grayson was right - it wasn’t the forgetter that was responsible for my particular variety of memory loss. There’s something else trying to protect Grayson.
I suspect the tree in the graveyard. Its roots have spread all over campus, after all.
Sorry to be so blase about this but it’s not actually that upsetting anymore. It’s just this thing we’re dealing with.
It’s a good thing Cassie was present for the rest of the conversation. She filled me in on the details later, after we’d confirmed that I had some significant gaps. Grayson explained a bit more about the whole adoption thing. He didn’t know who his birth parents were. He’d never been outside of this town and basically grew up on campus. This is all kind of recapping what we already knew or guessed at, but the adoption angle was new at least. I’d assumed that his dad had died and been replaced, which he had, except it wasn’t his dad at all and Grayson’s role as the son was being replaced over and over also.
Which is all kinds of fucked up.
It also means that this has been going on for generations and I think we all know why that’s rather alarming.
“What happened to the previous adopted kids?” I asked once we’d gotten through this rather confusing summary.
“They died.”
There was a heavy silence in the room.
“How?” I asked.
“Well… one drowned. Another suffocated.” He hesitated. “This is kind of why I’m reluctant to tell people I’m the president’s son.”
“Grayson, are you worried someone will try to kill you?” Cassie asked flatly.
“...yeah. I am, actually.”
Screaming into a pillow myself was starting to look pretty tempting.
Now I’m sure you’re all thinking what I was thinking at this point. If the university was just recycling the president’s corpse and finding new children to play the role of their child for… reasons??? then perhaps that was why the flickering man was interested in me. Perhaps I was Grayson’s replacement, as many of you have theorized.
I mean, it seems pretty suspicious. Grayson’s dad is getting his soul replaced on the regular - or at least, he was. Grayson himself is a replacement for prior Graysons but I guess since they don’t need an adult, they’re just grabbing any ol’ kid to fill the role for a while. But the former Graysons keep dying because the inhumans get him? Grayson has a lot of protection on campus but he’s not immune - I’ve watched him get attacked by the steam ghost in particular.
Which leads me to my own theory. If I am a replacement, I don’t fit the mold. Perhaps that’s why the flickering man hated me so much. I’m too old (legal adult yay) and… I’m not a son.
But I wanted to confirm some things.
We wrapped up the conversation with Grayson because we were running out of mental capacity to ask more questions. He was clearly uncomfortable and there was a lot to process. He did promise to not be so difficult about this in the future. He wasn’t really grieving. He was just… uncertain. He didn’t know what to do anymore. Which is fair. When you’re raised to fill a role and suddenly that role is gone it’s hard to adjust.
I know what that feels like.
After Grayson left I messaged Maria asking if she knew anyone that was good with a camera. Like, really good. And also good in high stress situations. She got back to me pretty quickly. Maria is starting to become one of those people who knows everyone. She’s heading firmly down the road of becoming the subject of one of those unhinged tumblr posts where someone magically summons an army of people to fulfill a task, while she stays on the sidelines quietly directing the ever-increasing chaos.
Fortunately, she’s not there quite yet, but she is freakishly well-connected for a campus of this size. Within an hour she had me in a group chat with someone from the Folklore Society who fit all my requirements, even the unspoken ones. Someone that was good with a camera in “hostile circumstances” (her words, very accurate) and wouldn’t cut and run the moment things got a little weird. I think you all see where I was going with this.
Yeah, we were going to get photos of something inhuman.
DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.
For starters, it’s not safe just getting close to an inhuman to photograph it. And once you do, that opens a whole new set of hazards. If the inhuman takes offense to being photographed, then they’re going to do anything they have to to get the photo destroyed and all rules are off the table when it comes to disguising their existence. Think of it like this - an inhuman might not be able to enter a house due to hospitality rules keeping them out, but this is weighed against their need to keep their presence obscured. The latter wins. Hospitality rules are no longer enough protection.
That’s my understanding, at least.
And sure, there are inhumans that don’t seem to care if a photo or two are leaked to the internet, but you have no way of knowing in advance. Let’s say you get lucky and nothing comes after you to destroy the phone/camera, computer, your social media accounts, and you. You’re not quite off the hook. That photo is a connection to the inhuman and if the creature captured in it doesn’t use it as an access point, something else might.
Photos are just a bad idea all around.
So we agreed that if we were going to go ahead with this stupid plan, we’d do so with as many safety measures as we could. First, the person taking the photo would be fully informed on the potential consequences. I was hoping that they could just teach Maria or I how to use a camera, but considering they were in the inner circle Folklore Society (what I’m calling the folks that know the monsters aren’t just stories) they wanted to come in person. I tried to talk them out of it, they finally made a snarky comment about if I wanted them to sign a waiver, and I dropped the topic.
Secondly, we were going to destroy both the photo and the camera afterwards. I got online and ordered the cheapest digital camera I could find. It was a camera designed for young children so it was pastel pink with teddy bears on it, but whatever, it was digital and didn’t cost over $30. The money from my job at the dining hall has helped with the finances but I didn’t particularly feel like lighting it on fire.
Especially since we planned to literally light the camera on fire when we were done. I wasn’t looking forward to the smell of burning plastic but fire is both a thorough and symbolically traditional way to dispose of things. Like I said, we were trying to do this as safely as we could.
The camera arrived the next day so we decided to go ahead with our plan that evening. Cassie would stay home because we felt having too many people might be a hindrance if we had to bail out. Also, she had “digital date night” with her girlfriend and I didn’t want to interfere.
Then we found a discreet entrance to the steam tunnels.
I wanted a photograph of the steam ghost. It had a face. I wanted to see what that face looked like.
I’d scouted out the steam tunnel entrances beforehand, while waiting for the burner (lol) camera to arrive. Last time I’d looked inside, they were clogged with roots. However, if the roots were originating from the graveyard, then perhaps the parts of campus that were farthest away would be clear enough to traverse. I got lucky and found an entrance inside of one of the dorms that’s out by the parking lot. The lobby is open and from there it’s easy enough to just coast into the stairwell behind someone with a keycard and then down into the basement. There were roots, but they hung from the ceiling as slender tendrils that brushed the top of my head like the faint touch of a moth. I didn’t go far inside. Just enough to confirm it didn’t get any worse and we had a long corridor free of obstruction.
When I came back, I had Maria and the photographer with me.
His name is Jacob and he’s a sophomore. He joined the Folklore Society because he realized he wasn’t making any attempts to be social, at college of all places, and picked a club that seemed like it would be small so he didn’t have to deal with crowds. Large groups of people intimidated him. I can certainly relate to that.
I feel bad for him. Imagine getting caught up in all this bullshit just because you had trouble making friends.
It also occurred to me that this photography excursion was also part of his attempt to make friends, because that’s what landed him in the group that had to hide from the thing in the hallway. Whatever. Maria can deal with that. She’s the extrovert.
“Let’s not forget the plan,” I said nervously as we gathered outside the door. “We get in. We get the photo. We run like hell back out the door.”
I’m happy to say that the plan worked. Every step. Swear to god.
We were about halfway to where the tunnel turned when the steam started to rise out of the ground around us. It seeped through the walls, filling our lungs and making it hard to breathe. The usual. We turned back at that point, as we wanted to be close to the exit so we could snap the photo and run once the steam ghost showed up.
The nice thing about inhumans is that they can be predictable. They have set rules they follow and so long as you follow the prescribed pattern of behavior, you know what to expect. This allows you to plan, as I’d done. So when we loitered within sprinting distance of the door, the steam ghost obliged to show up and chase us off.
Just as expected. And Jacob was ready with our pastel pink camera, so that when its face materialized out of the steam, mouth open in a silent scream and its misty hands stretched towards us, he was able to snap a photo.
Then we ran and reached the door before it caught up.
See? Exactly as planned.
There’s one more rule we learned about though. One that I’d forgotten to factor in for this crucial moment.
The doors in the steam tunnels don’t always open to the same place.
We tumbled through without thinking. I, pulling up the rear, had a moment of hesitation when I saw nothing but darkness ahead of me, but it was too late, I was in a full sprint and besides, Maria had already stumbled through the doorway. I slammed into Jacob’s back, propelling him the few steps he needed to be past the doorway, and then we were all through and the door slammed shut behind us.
The air was warm and damp. The steam tunnels, while warm, aren’t damp unless the steam ghost is present. This felt like being inside of a sauna. I could feel water beads forming on my arms, clinging to the hairs that were currently standing on end in alarm. There was a faint breeze coming from ahead of us, a slowly rhythmic flow to it like a fan. It did nothing to alleviate the heat. If anything, it was even warmer.
Maria turned her phone’s flashlight on.
We were in a corridor, much the same size as the tunnel we’d just escaped. The walls glistened with moisture, shining with the gray-pink color of rotting beef. There were no sharp angles, just a round passageway that vanished into darkness at the edge of Maria’s flashlight beam. The floor beneath our feet was slightly squishy.
And it was full of teeth.
Honestly I think I would have preferred sharp teeth, like an animal’s fangs or something out of science fiction. Instead, we got human incisors, circling the entirety of the tunnel in regular intervals.
The tunnel rippled. There was a faint gurgling sound, like the rumbling of a stomach twisting in hunger. And those rows of teeth began to tighten as the tunnel constricted around us.
“STEAM GHOST,” Maria yelled. “I CHOOSE THE STEAM GHOST.”
And she threw the door behind us open and dove back into the tunnel. Jacob grabbed my arm and dragged me along with him, as I was frozen in fear, staring at all those glistening ivory teeth. I stumbled over the doorframe and fell forwards, hitting the cement floor hard on all fours. I heard the door slam shut behind me. Frantically, I looked up at the tunnel.
No ghost. But the steam was still there, hanging heavy in the air and filling my lungs. The ghost would be back. I was certain of that.
“What now?!” Jacob asked, his earlier calm quickly giving way to panic.
“Try the door again!” I said, scrambling to my feet. “It changes!”
Maria spun around and opened the door a sliver for the second time, just enough to peer through the crack and confirm what was on the other side.
“FUCK.”
Then she slammed it shut. Opened it. Another burst of profanity, slightly more panicked than the last explicative. Meanwhile, Jacob and I cowered at her back, staring at the steam that hung thick in the air all around us, waiting to see if it was going to reform into a malevolent spirit while Maria played Russian roulette with the door.
She did this five times before she finally got the dorm we’d entered through.
Flushed and panting, we stumbled through and Jacob kicked the door to the steam tunnels shut with a determined flourish. There. We’d done it. As I’d said, our plan went perfectly. We got the photo and ran like hell to the door.
Didn’t plan on what happened after we went through the door. This is my lack of attention to detail coming into play, which is probably what also made me a shitty barista.
We crowded around Jacob to see the photo he got. This is why we recruited someone with actual photography skills. He was able to use a truly shitty camera intended for toddlers to somehow focus on a literal ghost’s face in the handful of seconds we had before it reached us, all while not panicking.
Staring at us from the tiny screen was a person’s face. Not a face made of steam. An actual flesh and blood human face. The rest of the shot was obscured by steam, framing it so that all we could see was this disembodied human face staring out at us from the camera’s digital screen. The expression was placid, the eyes hollow and devoid of emotion.
I’d seen this look before, on the library ghost. This distant stare of something that wasn’t wholly here.
“That is… really creepy,” Jacob said.
“We just escaped a hallway full of teeth and this is what you find creepy?” I said.
“No, that was creepy too. I can be terrified by multiple things at once.”
We all stared at the photo for a good few minutes, trying to commit the face to memory because we were not going to retain any copies of it. Then Jacob deleted the photo, handed me the camera, and we awkwardly went our separate ways.
I got out my phone as soon as we’d all walked off. My theory was looking plausible, but there was one more thing I could do to confirm I was on the right track.
I texted Grayson. I asked him if the children before him, the ones the president adopted, were all male.
They were.
The library ghost. The stabbed student. And now… the steam ghost.
All former students. All male. All trapped on campus after their deaths.
And for at least two of them, they seemed to have something against Grayson.
They don’t like Grayson because he replaced them.
Update: HOLY SHIT Y’ALL BATTERIES EXPLODE WHEN YOU SET THEM ON FIRE

Looking for: Non-VPR melee and regen heal for trials
Hours: 8:30 - 12:30 EST Tues-Fri. With a 15 minute break after the 2 hour mark.
We will be doing an optional fifth day over the weekend where we’ll pf any missing members to either get practice or go for a clear on a given fight for those that want to. Schedule will be dialed back to 1-2 days for reclears/barse once the tier is done.
LGBTQIA+ friendly, the whole group has raid experience, more than half being at least quad-legends. We’re looking to clear within four weeks, though that deadline is just to be more lenient and not pressure anyone. Looking for people who can respect the content, take it seriously, but also have a good time and make some friends. If it goes well, I’m ideally wanting to take the group forward into the Eden Ultimate afterwards, but of course that’s entirely optional.
Expectations: Having your prog BiS ready day one, getting your food, pots and materia sorted prior, as well as coming to each raid night having studied up on the fight.
Getting clarification on mechanics is fine, but we don’t want a situation where someone is having to explain the entire mechanic step by step when we could be progging.
If you are interested please dm krwdre on discord

 The necropolis was gorgeous, for what it was. Its white outer walls hiding the darker Victorian Gothic interior. The tech that was hidden in the walls though was able to move bodies in their caskets from a designated place in the necropolis to the "viewing area" as the necropolians called it. This was where I waited for my, for lack of a better term, escort to take me to the mortuary. Since science has grown surprisingly fast our abilities for forensic sciences have also grown, and that's to whom I was headed. (S)He was an, unusual (wo)man to say the least. An expert in their field and about as learned as a doctor, if not multi-doctorate. If you ever asked them why they never pursued an actual doctorate, they would get angry and act all prissy while saying that going to school would've slowed them down and all they needed were the basic certificates for their work. The reality though, revealed to me during a drunken bout, they just never liked school and believed that it ultimately stunted a person's growth and ability to question the reality around them, that everything that you need to learn is already in books and in some form or another in digital content online. They were brilliant, if a little wacky. About five minutes after I had arrived and was sitting down in the viewing area, a little box rolled up to me making a couple of beeps to let me know to follow it and immediately started rolling towards the wall opposite of where it came from. When it looked like it was about to hit the wall, a hidden door opened up by the casket viewer, inside was a set of stairs leading down into the darkness. Stepping through the doorway I became acutely aware of sounds seemingly coming from all around me suddenly. It really is impressive, as though I just stepped from a tomb to a busy workshop, the sounds of gas escaping pistons, whirring, and clanking chains flooded my ears. I continued down the stairs following my helpful little box, which despite its size and shape would suggest was actually quite nimble on the stairs. It seemed to have wheels that would extend down to the next step as the edge rolled over it and once the back of the box was clear of the step it would drop back into its squat position, hiding its wheels as quickly as possible. It continued to do so the entire way. The box seemed to notice me watching it and made a kinda shrill whistle and its undercarriage light went from a comfortable yellow to a, is that... Peach? Is it blushing? My god I think it is! I let out a small chuckle and my little blushing box stopped dead in its tracks mid-step, its light suddenly going white, almost blinding me from behind and lighting up the hallway for a split second. Luckily both of my feet were solidly on a step so I didn't take a tumble or anything, but I couldn't help doing anything but laughing harder. 

After a second the little box crept up behind me and continued down, its status light continuing to show pinkish. I followed it slowly, the chuckle slowly dying in my throat as we reached Ceriths office. Well "office" was being nice. Morgue, mortuary, both of these fit just as well. Cerith was, for the most part, a recluse. We reached the door and the little robot continued through a little hole in the wall. I waited a second and knocked. "Enter!" Came the voice on the other side. I opened the door and stepped through. Along one wall set doors that normally housed the dead waiting to be processed. One out of dozens were open, its occupant missing from its silver slab. The middle of the room was brightly lit from a single overhead light. In the middle of the circle of light stood a figure, long Raven colored hair bound in a single braided ponytail, the rest of them bound in medical examination garb. They seemed to be engrossed in the corpse in front of them. The little robot rolled up next to Ceriths feet and made a little chiming noise. "Thank you Tabitha. That'll be all," said a voice that was neither male nor female from beneath the mask. Just sort of in the middle. "Tabitha? Never knew you to be sentimental," I said gently, the chuckle in my voice making itself clear. "I see you still find even the darkest things funny," Cerith quipped back. "My line of work Cer, you take the laughs where you get them. Look who's talking anyway, you're usually elbows deep inside someone 25/8. Even you have a seriously fucked up sense of humor." That got Cerith laughing, sounding like thunder and the whip crack of lightning at the same time. "You've got me there Julius," Cerith said after his laughter subsided. I think he suits him today. Which is both a good and bad sign. When Cerith is acting like a man, it usually means some grim news, but they are going to try to make it seem like not a big deal and laugh a lot. Plus they almost never call me Julius. Something was wrong. Very seriously wrong. As this realization hit me I got this odd tingle in the small of my back. Like someone had put several freezing needles under the skin and into my spine, something I'm familiar with from the anima-games from the cyber sphere. Halos: Divine Retribution If I remember right. Those Angels were sadistic bastards. I shuddered at both the memories from the game and the shockingly similar feeling I was experiencing. Dread, that feeling is dread my friend, the quiet part of my mind whispered to me. "Cer, what's wrong bud," I asked. He didn't say anything. For a long time. After a few minutes I was about to ask again, but then he spoke. And what came out will haunt me, quite possibly till the day I die. "This ones temporal lobes are gray matter. Nothing even close to being coherent. Just. Dead neurons. And he's not the first." Gone was the jovialness of the past ten minutes. This was Cerith the whisperer. In an almost dead tone they continued, "the others didn't fare nearly as well as this one. Most of the brain is intact here, which means that if they didn't deliver a massive shock or something similar to fully kill him he would have possibly lived as a vegetable with memory issues, but that's not what I'm looking for in this one here now. Now I'm trying to figure out what else the others had in common with him, and so far that's brought up all but naught. Well this one has a bit of liver damage. But that's about it. So Mr John was a drinker. Not much there." When Cerith is "whispering" the best thing to do is just let him be. But I couldn't help but prick my ears up at mentions of others with similar wounds, and the fact that this one had liver issues.... "Cer. You said... CERITH," I finally snapped out and caught his attention mid ramble. "Thank you. You said liver problems. But nothing similar to the others? No drugs? Alcohol? Not even a synth brain-pattern? You checked Everything?" "Well let's see, John here was a drinker that's for sure," Cerith said his hands never ceasing their work as he started to put 'John' back together seemingly satisfied that he found nothing else, " Mr Lombardo in chest 3 had cocaine mostly, and Mr Lei in chest 9 had opium. Although to tell you where it came from for both I'd have to do a molecular analysis and see what it compares to. Other than that, no. Absolutely nothing connecting any of them. As far as I can tell they are all unique cases completely separate from each other except for the damages to the brain. And I only found this by accident. During a routine scan I happened to look at the screen as it passed through the brain and noticed an odd density in his temporal lobes. Just slightly higher than normal. Hell to be honest with you it had the density of a fresh cutie, you know those little oranges?" I nodded, and he continued, "Right of course you do, who hasn't? Anyways it's just super dense compared to the surrounding tissues, and I take a sliver probe and drop it in like you do. And when I turn the damn thing on to look at the neurons the area all I see are dead cells packed on top of one another. Not natural decay death, but forced to die. Most of the cell walls were torn open like they had blown up from the INSIDE. That's when I called you." He finished up with 'John' putting the final few perfect stitches in place and sealing him up for good. Once he seemed happy with his work he called out to his seemingly empty morgue, "Grom I'm done! Can you put Mr John Doe here back in his room? Number 11 if you please." He turned away from the body on the table and removed the giant rubber gloves that went to his elbows. He walked into the dark calling out over his shoulder, "I'll be back in a sec I gotta scrub out, want a drink? I have beer, whiskey, vodka, I might have some Cognac somewhere, and bourbon. Your choice, just call out what you want and Tabitha will be there with it. Also have a seat! We have much to discuss." With that he disappeared from both sight and sound in the dark. It was a neat trick I have to admit, and it had something to do with how he had his morgue set up. Even the giant war machine that was Grom was absolutely quiet unless you managed to catch him through the gloom. I thought for the longest time the reason why I could never catch him sneaking around was from some sort of stealth program put into place, but when he goes up and down those stairs he's as loud as can be. So it was definitely not his program but the way the morgue was built. I'm confident in saying that because when I turned back to look at the table, or rather where it was, there was now a chair that looked like it had just grown out of the floor and the body was gone. Also the thought of something as big as a fridge just sneaking up on some poor combatants and snapping their necks as quietly as he walks in the morgue just gives me the heebies. As I sat in the chair a thought occurred to me. Considering how advanced the morgue seemed to be it would make sense that it had some sort of AI or integrated computer. "Computer?" I had been here a million times but I'd never had a chance to think about it nor try anything. But not even a second after I had said anything a response came. "Yes Detective Julius. My name is DANNA. Or Dynamically Actualized Neural Net AI. How can I be of service?" The voice seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere, slightly feminine and breathy, all service but no sex. Honestly I was just surprised that it worked. "DANNA, I was just wondering if I could take a look at the files that Cerith had mentioned? If it is as bad as they claim I think I might need to know anyway. Also if you can get those blood works done for me I'd appreciate it. Also something with whiskey or rum would be amazing." "Of course Detective. I will have Tabitha bring it shortly. And how would you like the information to be displayed? Desktop or dynamic?" That piqued my interest. "Dynamic please." No sooner than I had said a series of screens blinked into existence in front of me. It was some sort of Holographic display. I reached out and touched the display and was surprised that I got stopped by something. It was hard but surprisingly I found that I could push into the screen with my finger if I pushed hard enough. It kinda felt like... Oobleck. I also found that by pinching the corner I could pull the screens closer or further from me. I even found that I could grab individual pages of the reports off the screen and hold it. It felt like a thin sheet of plastic and responded like both a tablet and a singular document. If I switched pages the old one would appear back onto the screen and the next would pop onto it. This was about as slick a set up as I had ever seen and whistled my appreciation under my breath, I'm definitely going to have to ask Cerith about where they got DANNA from. "See something you like, big boy?" A very DEFINITELY female voice said in my ear from behind, soft and throaty, screaming come hither. I felt small dainty hands gently caress the tops of my shoulders before slipping down the front of my chest, pulling me back into the chair that I didn't realize I had been slouching in. "You know better than that, Jules. Your back is important and slouching will destroy the muscles and cause some to atrophy." The voice left no room for argument, and left me more than a little bit flushed. I closed my eyes and dropped my head back as far as it would go, the back of my head hitting something soft and warm, stretching my neck and back out. "Damnit Cer I thought you were scrubbing out, not completely changing." I hadn't realized it, but at least an hour had passed from when I started playing with the computer and working with the files if the clock on the computer was to be believed. "You looked like you were pretty into it so I decided not to disturb you. Plus you know how much fun it is for me to tease you like this. Especially after, well these..." One hand waved at the screens in front of me. The small hands' nails were painted the darkest black and almost made them blend into the void that existed outside of the screens. "I do Cer, and that's part of the problem, we both know that it's never going to happen. Least of all for you." She laughed a little, a clear beautiful sound and the body beneath my head bounced slightly telling me I was against her stomach. "Still I know you enjoy these little moments," she said, the pressure on the back of my head disappearing and was replaced by the voice right by my ear again as she whispered, "especially when we both know that's not at all true." At the last words she nibbled my ear gently. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her, in spite of my baser instinct rising to meet her VERY juicy insinuations. But for as long as I've known Cerith and as many times as we have both been VERY drunk, they have NEVER cashed in. I just assumed that it was a quirk of theirs. "Anyways," she said standing back up, "what are you thinking so far about the files? Spooky, right? Like I said, nothing that I can see connects them." Her hands gestured in front of me in an approximation of a shrug. She then clasped them together, wringing the knuckles and effectively trapping me in the chair and back against her abdomen. I scrubbed my eyes with my fingertips acutely aware of the growing headache that suddenly made itself known. "Your right from the medical side. I can't see everything you can, of course. I don't have near the knowledge that you have," which is true being that Cerith is at least 200 years old. I never asked directly, the old adage still holding about women and their age. Still though her answers to certain questions would lead one to believe her being her first adult car was a Bing Cherry 2201 Firebird GT with white walled hover trim and chrome accents. From pictures that I could find it looked like a slick piece. Looking back to the screens I couldn't help but feel that itch again. I couldn't explain it. That prickly feeling of ice needles again, this time in the back of my skull. As much as I'd hate to admit it. I think Cerith is right. I sighed heavily before saying "send me everything. I'll open a new case file and have the team start working on it first thing." She made a happy noise and bounced slightly, clearly satisfied with my decision to take it on. I reached out and to my left and a glass was placed gently into my hand by Tabitha. I hadn't even realized she had come over while I was working and was now ready for that drink. Room temperature rum and cola. The drink went down smoothly enough considering I drained the glass in one gulp, during which time I finally got a good eyeful of Ceriths current form. Or rather the underside of part of it. From what I could tell she was wearing a black T-shirt. That was it. I put the glass back down, it's job done without moving my head and said, "What a lovely view Cerith. I'm guessing you chose this to try to get a rise out of me?" I couldn't lie though it was affecting me, but I couldn't let her know that. Not when she's like this. Otherwise she'll continue to tease me till she leaves me with the absolute worst case of blue balls this side of the City. Her hands came up and cupped my chin almost lovingly, and her voice said "Of course Detective. Do you not approve? Or would you rather I change back to my medical examination form? Or something else?" Her words dripped with implied sex. I groaned, loudly, and said, "This is fine. Jesus Cer." Before we could continue our most scintillating of conversations there was a sudden PING! And DANNA said, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but there's a message for you Cerith. It says 'If you can get to the department Cerith, do so. We need you to explain your paperwork. And if Detective Julius is still with you have him come in too.' signed the Chief. Would you like to reply?" 'Shit, I forgot the morgue kills all signals,' I thought to myself as I stood up gently (regretfully) prying myself from Ceriths grasp with a, "duty calls. Need a lift?" I stretched gently, the scales in between my shoulders clicking appreciatively for the stretch, and turned around to notice she was indeed, just wearing a black T-shirt that hugged her voluptuous figure closely. The scales in my back clicked shut in surprise. Cerith let out a small cute chuckle, "I see after all this time I can still surprise you," she said blowing a kiss my way, reminding me of a little Gothic pixy. I rolled my eyes away from her and willed my scales to relax. I grabbed my jacket off the back of the chair, slinging it on and clicking the neck clasp shut under the cord that connected my scales to the unit in my head. I was awarded the cybernetics upon completing my training and getting all my licenses to have them. The force had allowed me to customize it, I had chosen top of the line. A dual unit with custom built AI. The individual scales were ceracoated titanium microprocessors all running in both series and parallel, and could move to expel heat or react. The main unit was the same except it was one solid unit that replaced a chunk of skull. Once that was done I zipped up the front of the leathers and ran the scales through the racer setting. They clicked and flattened against the outside of the jacket, securing it to my back. I shrugged making sure it was comfortable. "I'll take the fact that you're only in a t-shirt you'll be along shortly?" "Certainly detective." Her voice was filled with dismissive submission... And sadness? I looked back at her and noticed her makeup was gone. Or had she had any on in the first place? I gave myself a mental shake. There's no way. This was Cerith, veritable goddess of the necropolis. I put the last few minutes away for review later. Chief called. I have to go. On an instinct I thought long dead, I reached out and squeezed her hand. I felt a slight squeeze back. And then she let go with a, "Go on, be a good detective. I'll be along shortly." I left with Tabitha as my guide. Before Cerith disappeared into the darkness I thought I heard her whisper, "please don't leave." My scales raised in a saddened response. I couldn't be sure I heard her right though. If I heard her at all. I reached back and stroked them, knowing my ai probably heard her, and knowing it could feel me touch the scales. After a few seconds the scales settled down. 'I know buddy,' I thought to the AI. It couldn't respond like usual AI. The force thought that was too dangerous. What if it went rogue? What if it tried to kill the host and take over? The list went on and eventually they decided the basics were ok. When I got my unit one of the first things I did was jack it into a diagnostic to see what kind of hardware I was dealing with exactly because manufacturer specs from real use are sometimes different with AI if the bits and bobs are in place. When I did, all I got on the screen was 'Hello?'

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I believe a close friend of mine is what triggered this.
I'm addicted to validation, because it is the proof that I'm worthy. That I'm more outside pre defined definitions.
I'm not smart, until someone tells me I am/a outcome occurs that proves that I am. I'm not pretty unless a person/outcome occurs that proves I am.
And it works the other way around, if an outcome/person tells me a negative thing about myself, I'll believe it. Especially if it's an outcome.
Honestly, it's the reason I bredcrum. The idea of someone having a crush on me is like crack, yet I'm too scared to try out a real relationship. So, I'll flirt, play around, and keep someone on my leash as long as possible. When I see them lose interest, when I see them eventually leave that toxic trap, I get upset. Because now my attention is gone.
Second example. Funny. A normally positive definition for someone, but it's haunted me for years. Because that's all I'm known as. In 5th grade, we had an assignment where you put a sticky note on someone's desk, giving them a compliment. All I got was "Funny". Not smart, not cool, not pretty even. Funny.
To dive back into the first sentence of this post, a friend that I was really happy with because I felt like she got a "deeper" side of me, could only bring up something "funny" I did. The topic happened to be about "our major friendship events of the year", and hoe we saw eachother.
Was I mad? No, just disappointed. Again. I feel like my only worth to some people is my jokes. I do have a sly sense of humor, making a out of pocket joke out of anything, but it's become more of a trauma response when I don't feel like I'm getting attention.
I'm a bit like a car, constantly needed fuel aka attention. I can run for a bit with some, but eventually it'll need to be refilled. Depending on my life, I might need my "gas tank" filled more often. And when I don't get that, I shut down. Self isolation, thinking the worse, anxious, looking down on myself.
Now, I'll talk about the positive side, because I am deciding to be better so...
1) I might be hanging out with the wrong crowd. Lately, it seems like I've been doing better with the "weird" kids, rather than the more "normal" people I hang with. One of my friends said before she talked to me, I seemed like a really cool person. That compliment was rejuvenating. I've opened up to her, but since I'm switching schools, its going to be harder to talk (or not, who knows?)
I do have the desire to be liked by everyone, and I wish I could just "morph" into the most likeable version of myself for each specific person.
2) Self trust and worthiness. I've been working on following through with the things I want to do, and doing little favors for my future self. I'm looking at myself more as a friend, than a stranger. Still a WIP, but Km doing better when it comes to understanding "future me", and making decisions that would benefit her. I know that I can't expect different results with the same actions so, I'm taking little steps to take care of myself.
3) Shadow work, trauma responses, triggers. I've been writing more poems, and letting my thoughts ramble. I've always been identifying triggers, but lately I've been really thinking about them. As in, an objective rather than emotional manner.
After that extremely long ramble, I guess I'm wondering what steps to take here. Social life is hard lol. I have a deep desire to make a "mark" on this world, and for people to see how great I am, but being chalked down to "funny" hurts my soul... even though I placed that on myself.

I don't have a quote or a inspiring picture, all I have is some advice for people who are down or sad...
For every win I had there was twice as much loss. Abuse, stress, depression, and sadness will always be pushing me down and holding me back. I could always let it push me down, be stuck in the past, never leave this mental prison I've made for myself. But I can also step out of it, use the pain and the stress to make me stronger, and help heal myself. In the end, your life isn't dictated by how much you've suffered, how much you've struggled, and other past pains. It's about how you learn from it, how you move forward from it, how you use your struggles to... grow. As a former abuse victim who's only recently gotten away, I think I'm ready to start healing and start looking to the future. The past doesn't define me, I won't always be just a victim of abuse. And it shouldn't define you either. Keep moving forward, growing, don't let failure drag you down. It will take time but your pains will make you stronger, keep pushing forward. You are stronger than you think, keep pushing, and look to the future and let yourself heal over time. I'll be doing the same :)