Happy birthday poem for ex

Check post history since this is not my first time posting about my mom.
Not much has changed between my mom and I since the last time I posted. There was a death in my family last fall and I spoke on the phone with her regarding some planning of the funeral. I saw her at the funeral but I purposefully didn't interact with her outside of a hello and goodbye hug. All that to say there's been no addressing of her outburst around Labor Day last year or the test message I sent afterwards.
I recently got engaged and I'm so insanely happy I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend. It's felt so good to be able to share that happiness with so many of my friends and family, but it's weird to not be able to experience this phase of life with my mom by my side . I don't even know why it makes me sad because honestly she's not even the type of person who could be fully happy for me. I just wish she was, but I'm slowly excepting that this is the way things are. I feel like it's instinct to want to call your mom to share your engagement news, but I didn't given how things have been and she found out like the rest of my extended family in a group chat (which everyone but her responded to, although she liked my engagement post on fb). I called my cousins, my sister and my dad to let them know individually since we're close like that. I call them and they call me on a weekly basis just to talk and see how life is going. My mom never calls me, even when we were close. It was always on me to initiate contact.
In other news maintaining a relationship with my nephews independent of my mom has been going well! My oldest nephew's school came to my city for a field trip and he asked if I could chaperon and we got to spend the whole day together! A few weeks back I drove down to go to my middle nephew's birthday party that my sister organized (my mom was weirdly not present even though other family was) and in August I'll be going down for my youngest nephew's birthday. Going through my sister to setup time with the boys has been going great.
Anyway, I'm just rambling at this point. I don't regret holding up my boundaries and keeping my distance from her since she proves time and time again she won't get help to changes her toxic behaviors. I guess it just sucks it has to be this way. Thanks for listening to my rant :)

I'm female, my bf is male
The last time i had sex was with my ex ( 4 months or so ago)... we broke up 4 months ago & we broke up because my ex was with someone while we were together.
Now I'm in a new relationship, it's a healthy relationship, he's a great guy and I'm genuinely happy. But i haven't gotten checked since my ex till today & since my ex was sleeping around I'm worried about the results. I'm just hoping that everything comes out negative/ not detected so that I don't have to have the convo with my new bf because we just started hooking up/ having sex and that would be an awkward convo to have since we've only been dating for a month.
I got checked for everything, they did a rapid hiv test and it came back negative , now it's just the waiting Game for the rest of the blood work and vag swabs and my anxiety is at a all time high just hoping & praying that everything comes back normal and okay. Ugh! I hate this feeling and idk how to calm myself and my anxiety down.

I don’t know if you’ll see this. I don’t know if I should even be writing this to you. I miss you. You’re all I can ever think about. From my dreams to waking up to my work day to going back to sleep. You are on my mind 24/7. I look at pictures of you a lot. You’re so beautiful. I cried at work the other day just because I was thinking of your eyes. You have the most wonderful eyes. I think back on all the memories we hold together, and my heart always sinks. Not having you is such a pain. I think about all the conversations and experiences we could’ve had in the last couple months. I wish I could do things as simple as tell you about my day. I wish I could hear about yours. I wish we had more time together. You’re it. You’re the one, you know? I knew it pretty early on. I envisioned us getting married and living happily ever after. I know we weren’t together for very long in the grand scheme of things, but when you know, you just know. And oh god, how I knew. Now I, probably foolishly, hold out hope to ever even hear from you again. I cry often. I’m utterly terrified that we’ve parted ways forever. I don’t want that. All I’ve ever wanted lies within you. You’re my end goal, and I couldn’t imagine it any other way. You are truly perfect in my eyes.
I know that you got back together with your ex. I don’t know the details or just how that came to be or anything. I’ll be honest, it makes me angry. It makes me beyond sad. I thought you felt as deeply about me as I do for you. I won’t pretend to understand. You told me throughout our relationship about how toxic he was and how glad you were to be away from him. Everyone around you boasted at how good I was for you. You yourself gushed about it. I may not be perfect, and I know I fell short and made mistakes, but I was trying. I was trying to be better. To be good for you. To be the best I possibly could for you. And I like to think I did a decent job. I like to think I’m a pretty good guy. Not perfect by any means, but a good person. So no, I won’t pretend to understand your thought process. And as hurt and angry and sad as I am, I still thoroughly long for you. Maybe that’s stupid of me.
As much as it hurts that it’s not me with you, I do overall wish you the best. I do want you to be happy. It makes me extremely sad and sorry that I couldn’t do that for you. I wanted to be the one to make you light up for the rest of our lives. I wanted to be your light and warmth. I wanted to be your peace, like you were for me. I have never found any greater sense of being at home and in a place I belong than when I was with you. Being with you made me truly happy. And now I haven’t been with you in two months. In that time we’ve hardly even spoken. It really really hurts and really really sucks going from what I thought us to be as a really strong couple, to complete strangers. That weighs heavy on my heart. You completely changed the trajectory of my life, and now without you, I don’t know where to go. God, I miss you. So much. Everything about you. Just flawless. It hurts so badly.
You might see this. I don’t know. Maybe you’ll respond. I doubt it. I do hope to hear from you sometime. With hopefully good news, something that could make us both happy. Whether that’s tomorrow or in another five years. I know I won’t be busy then, and my door will always be open to you.
So, to another five years. I love you with all my heart now, I’ll love you with all my heart then, and I’ll love you with all my heart always.

I never considered myself to be someone who came on too strong or developed feelings quickly. Something about her was different though and I don’t know what but I think maybe I was being manipulated and used. We were never dating at any point in this but she made it feel like we were. In the summer of 2023 we had become friends in person and would spend almost all day every day playing games together online. She was kind to me, considerate, funny, affectionate, and was just so fun for me to be around. As our friendship strengthened I started to become physically and emotionally attracted to her. I thought this was how she felt but it was only physical for her which has never been the case for me in any “situationship” I’m usually the one in that position. In October of 2023 she started to become cold towards me. She started to distance herself, started to make sure I knew she was with her best guy friend any opportunity she got to show me. It was painful to know that even when I was free she wouldn’t bother to include me in anything they did together. She kept me and him separated from each other. One of my other friends started to send her sexually explicit messages but I forgave him for that as he was very drunk. He apologized to her but I never even needed him to do that as she was not offended but I was as he was my friend and knew I liked her. She got mad at me for “interfering” with her life. I told her I talked to him about it because he was my friend and knew how I felt and as soon as she deduced that I had feelings for her she slept with her best guy friend. This all took place within 24 hours. I asked her if there was anything wrong or that she needed to tell me. She lied to me and said there wasn’t. This guy lives in the same neighborhood as me and one night I was going to get some food and happened to see her car parked at his house at 2 in the morning if not later. I asked her again the next day and she admitted it. What hurt the most wasn’t that she slept with someone else, my feelings were not something I’d characterize as love, it was the fact that I couldn’t trust her anymore. I felt so betrayed, lied to, hurt, and confused. This was 10 days after the last time we slept together. I made it clear I’d like to know if she wanted to move to someone else before doing something like that. She didn’t tell me anything and I got so angry and upset I blew up on her over text. I apologized for my reaction to what she did but she never apologized for the pain and confusion she had caused me. I will forever have to live with this feeling of betrayal. I told myself “never again” and attempted to distance myself indefinitely and completely. They had a falling out and she cut him off. A few months after this happened, she started to reach out to me again. I was very hesitant, very cold, and did not let her back into my heart. Months went by, she made me feel very seen and appreciated on my birthday, which I have a bad history with and I usually just pretend it isn’t my birthday, but she didn’t know that and it made me feel so happy and seen. This was in February. She doesn’t know this.
We started sleeping together in March. She asked me if I wanted to sleep with her again and I said yes expecting that after all this time and everything I had said to her that she would never just do that to me again. I was wrong. About a month ago she started to talk to her guy friend again. He started to be around more and more. I tried to be accepting and understanding but it made me uncomfortable being around him as it reminded me of the betrayal she had done in the past. It’s unbearable. I have voiced that to her multiple times but never made her choose between us or tried to make her feel guilty about it. She was graduating and decided to celebrate with him and her other friends and I was not a part of this so I stayed home. I was anxious she was going to do the same thing as last time as we had a slightly abrasive interaction the night before at her house. The next day when she was with them, she started to ignore my messages. I told her not to ignore me as it makes me anxious that she will do something like that again and reminded her that if she wanted to she could but she had to end things with me first. Keep in mind this had been happening for weeks at various levels of intensity.
My alarm bells were ringing. She snapped at me when I said this then proceeded to ignore me. I spiraled as I saw what was about to happen and basically begged her just to talk to me and end things properly. She ignored me and slept with him again. I was described as obsessed, in love with her, crazy, delusional, etc. she said this not only to her friends but to mine as well. My entire text exchange was shown to my friends and I’m sure she showed it to hers too. I felt so betrayed, so frustrated, so angry at myself for allowing her to do this to me again. I blocked her and all her friends as she started to turn her location on and off and leaving me on opened at his house intentionally to test me. I knew what she was doing and what the right move was but I didn’t care anymore I don’t want to play games. She would talk shit about the other guy and complained that he was “stalking” her because he was looking at her location. I was scared she was going to do this to me too. I am so upset, so hurt, so angry. I want it to end but she keeps gossiping about me, keeps bringing this guy to our mutual friend group. All I asked for from her was to give me peace and leave me the fuck alone. She never apologizes for anything. I don’t know how to process this and it sucks. I was anxious sometimes but not without good reason and it’s not fair I was punished like this. It felt sadistic almost and as I expressed how she hurt me she did it even more brazenly and without remorse. I want revenge but I know what I am capable of and I don’t want to hurt anybody to that extent anymore as the guilt lingers but the satisfaction leaves. I wish I didn’t care. I will miss the good time but I feel abused and thrown away and know ending things is for the best. I miss you and I wish things had gone differently. I don’t think I can ever forgive her until I forget.

I've been with my bf for 2.5 years, we moved in together a year ago. Recently I've been questioning if I love him anymore. I wrote a post on relationships and someone commented something along the lines of "did you ever really love him, or did he just love you and he's a good guy so you went along with it?" And now I can't stop thinking about it.
My boyfriend's been in love & obsessed with me since day 1. I wasn't. It took me a couple months to fall for him. I even almost called it quits during the first couple weeks of us knowing each other as he annoyed me. But then I felt like I DID fall in love. I remember feeling so in love and happy with him.
Ever since we moved in together our relationship has gone downhill a bit and I think a big reason for it is because since we live alone, I've been able to unleash my rage more intensely. When we lived with housemates, I tried to keep my anger contained a bit. I still got annoyed, but not as bad. Now that we live together, I scream and throw things and hurt myself. During the winter it got VERY bad and I could see my boyfriend was really affected by it.
I don't know why he stays with me, but he is still madly in love with me. But the past like 6 months, EVERYTHING he does annoys me. Now it's at the point where I'm questioning if I still love him. But at the same time I don't want to lose everything we used to have and everything we planned to have. I used to find things about him irritating in the past too, but I was still really in love and imagined our whole life together.
I don't know if I've caused this. I hate that he's seen the real me. It makes me want to start over with someone else. I said the same thing at the end of my last relationship, which also ended after 2.5 years. I wanted to start over and never get that way with the next person. And now it's happened. My last relationship my ex also was obsessed with me from day 1 but I also wasn't so sure for a little while.
I'm so scared that I've let myself fall in love with people that I didn't actually like that much, but I just loved that they loved me and were basically obsessed with me. I can't tell if I actually like my boyfriend, but I'm terrified of it ending. We were so happy before and I wanted to be with him forever. I want that back so bad. I can't tell if I'm projecting my insecurities onto him. Everything I dislike about him are things I HATE about myself.

This is mainly a vent post. So sorry if I ramble.
I feel like everything in my life is falling apart around me and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m severely struggling with a sudden onset of gender dysphoria, relationship issues, financial struggles, and just general depression & anxiety.
I can’t even see myself in the mirror anymore. It’s like looking at a ghost. I’m repulsed by my own existence. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t focus. I can’t stop crying.
I keep running into my ex randomly in public even though we live like 30 mins apart. Everytime I see her I freeze and have to leave wherever I am immediately. I’ve been avoiding going anywhere alone anymore because I don’t want her to see me. She’s thriving & in a happy relationship while I’m suffering and have made no progress. It’s been 2 years. Why can’t I get over her?
My job is okay, but it doesn’t pay enough. I can’t move out of my parents house without some miracle windfall of cash. My student loan debt is crushing me. One bad day and I’ll lose all of my miniscule amount of savings.
I have no one to talk to but my therapist. And that’s only for about an hour a week. My “friends” would never understand what I’m going through. They’re all transphobic assholes. My mother hates trans people too. So I can’t talk to her. I’ve been turning to Reddit and fucking AI chat bots because I’m so alone.
The only thing that brings me peace anymore is smoking weed. At least that stops the thoughts for a moment.
I can’t enjoy music anymore. It was my only passion. Everything is meaningless and empty. I feel like a freak of nature. Feeling everyone’s eyes on me. They think they see me but they don’t. They see a carefully constructed lie. A simulacrum intended to project a happy go-lucky guy who loves life. But I’m empty inside. I feel like a machine going through the motions because that’s what I’ve been programmed to do.
I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m seeing my therapist again tomorrow. If they can’t help me I’m officially done. I’m not meant to exist in this world. I would feel sorry for the people who’d miss me, but no one will miss me. They will miss the person I let them all believe I was. But nobody knew me. So nobody will miss me. No one will mourn me. They will mourn him.

As the dream begins, I'm preparing to enter a building, I'm feeling a sense of contentment. The structure is familiar to me. It's a place that I remember appreciating the architecture of in the past, as far back as when I was a child. I walk around a bit, smiling, thinking that I have to tell someone about this association to my past. So obviously, I haven't been to this area in a long time. In fact, I think it'll be my first experience actually walking through the doors. However, I had been in one of the neighboring buildings on many occasions. They're both similar in style, but I've always liked this one I'm going to today very much more.
I'm kind of looking around the interior in awe as I enter the building. The inside is as cool looking as the outside. It all has a kind of art deco design.
Then I notice my ex-girlfriend in the large, spacious room. She's crouched down to be at eye level with some kids; one or two, maybe three. Either they're playing a game of some kind or she's helping them to get ready to go outside, adjusting the collar of a raincoat perhaps. They don't appear to be her own children. The scene has a very kindergarten teacher type vibe.
She turns her head as she notices me, and smiles. It's not clear whether she knew I was going to be there or not. But seeing her is a total surprise to me. A pleasant one. It feels really good to finally see her again. We interact for a bit, talking. Replaying this in my mind just now, I can feel my heart soar. I have no expectations of what will follow. I'm not thinking about kissing, reuniting or having sex - things I long for in real life - so I'm solely in the moment. I realize now while writing this down that she was probably able to do that for me often. That partner had helped me to feel centered when we were together.
After some conversation in the dream I find out my ex-gf works there, in this building, for my therapist. Then the dream transitions to where I'm walking into my psychologist's office. My impression is that I felt good going in, still riding the high of appreciation for the building and of seeing my gf again. But there are some conflicts here in the timeline. I can picture arguing with her out in the lobby area too, which would have been before I entered the office. Insert shruggie emoticon here.
I haven't been to see this therapist, either in the dream or real life, in a long time either. It's like our first session of a restart of our work together (which would have been for the third round). I would be happy if this were happening in real life. But I'm suddenly angry at the guy, basically yelling at him for having hired my ex without warning me about it ahead of time. My assumption is that he knew how important she had been to me, knew how much pain I'd been in since the breakup, and knew how triggering it would be for me to see her again. That was about it for the dream.
Some context: In real life, I had been seeing this therapist while that girlfriend and I were still together, or at least supposedly still a couple, even though she'd been out of the country for months, if not over a year. We didn't "officially" break up until after I stopped going to him for therapy and she returned from overseas. However, originally I had started my second round of sessions with him because she and I had begun having an affair. One that led to my divorce (and questionably to hers). I had probably spent the entire therapy session time since then - maybe six years? - talking so much about the anxieties caused by my relationship with her that he was literally nodding off while I blabbed on and on. In fact, I had stopped seeing him in part because I noticed this happen once or twice. I never mentioned to him though that I felt like I was boring him with my complaints, and it hadn't been my intention to put a halt to our work together. But we had a break for holidays, a different opportunity arose, and I decided to try that approach for awhile. Turned out to be years. He and I haven't communicated in any way for nearly 20 years.
Feel free to interpret the dream if so inclined, but the meanings aren't lost on me at all. I'd be happy to discuss. I just had to get it out of me and preserved somewhere.

I'm 19f in college there's this guy 20M in my college I had a crush on him (first year). We talked he used to flirt but then I realised that it's normal for him and I ain't the only one then he started liking one of my friend (she's not my friend now, because she lies a lot) anyways so I realised that he likes her because when we were studying she also came tho I didn't ask her to but idk why she was all dressed up and he kept looking at her that day I realised so I gave up and grew distant i stopped talking to both of them. I moved on then idk what happened between him she cheated of him (according to the rumours she was screwing his bestfriend) this was in 2nd year then that guy started dating another girl I was dating someone else too. Now back in present I'm in 3rd yr and I kept having fights w my ex-bf so we broke up it was not working for both of us it was Idr and we met only once that guy was older and toxic. So after 1 month of my breakup that guy randomly texted me on vacation "that I was wondering why we don't talk anymore" Anyways then our convo started on SC he flirted then I started flirting too and he said ki why didn't you stop me why did u give up in first year blah blah he said he likes me and all I was happy anyways we decided to meet went of a date at night (park) it was empty we started making out and then it I went to his flat and we had sex. Everything was fine he was acting very sweet he didn't force me or anything I thought we'll date. In the morning He dropped me to my place but from the next day in college he started ghosting me I even texted to meet but he said he's busy when I confronted then he said ki aisa kuch nhi h you are overthinking koi excuse de diya uss ne. Maine 2-3 baar pucha ki what's wrong again with some excuse he told me not to tell anyone about that night but after sometime everyone in my class got to know about it. I asked he said he didn't tell them. Why'd he tell people when he asked me not to? I'm very confused I stopped talking to him so he asked if everything was ok he even asked again me to chill ate him home I denied. I'm very confused pls keep your views so that I can get multiple povs.

I need some clarity I guess because I feel like I am going insane with this whole situation. Also, on mobile, english is my first language but I still suck at it.
My sister (37) and I have never had a good relationship. She was my worst bully growing up and even into adulthood. My parents never saw it as she convinced them I was just a liar amd exaggerated for attention. While I was in high school, she had a child with her deadbeat drug addict bf(now ex & he is clean). My younger sister and I sacrificed our whole summer to be live in nannies (moreso me) while my sister worked. Her kiddo was like a daughter to me and would cry when she couldn't see us often enough. I love her with every fiber of my being and I have been active in her life still to this day.
Now, I(30) have my own kiddo. Sister has only spent time with LO a handful of times and never alone without my niece or my mom present. After a particularly explosive bday celebration for niece, I refuse to let sister to be around LO. Sister is now shocked Pikachu face that I won't let her see LO at all. She told my mother that she has always been good to LO so she doesn't understand why she can't see LO and she never limited my access to my niece so she has every RIGHT to be in her life.
Unfortunately my own mother doesn't agree with my boundaries to not let sister be around LO. She follows them, but doesn't agree. Every time my LO is with parents for a weekend, my mom lays it on thick that it's hard not to be able to take her to my sister's house and to just "make it easier on [her]"
Am I insane? How should I approach this with my parents/sibling? Am I truly doing right by my kiddo or just being dramatic?
Birthday fiasco:
LO was only grabbing onto the yellow rocks on this play scape, sister told her to grab the other colors. I, in a normal tone, said "It's alright, she's got this." Sister got pissed at this and went off on me, calling me a cunt and said "this is why everyone is dying to get away from you"
My father died and sister blamed me for his death. LO's father died and i already blame myself for it but sister blamed me too. 3 days after he died, my sister got pissed that I refused to move back in with my parents and said that I would become a drug addict and lose custody of my child because I am weak and wouldn't be able to handle ACTUAL life.

I'm 19f in college there's this guy 20M in my college I had a crush on him (first year). We talked he used to flirt but then I realised that it's normal for him and I ain't the only one then he started liking one of my friend (she's not my friend now, because she lies a lot) anyways so I realised that he likes her because when we were studying she also came tho I didn't ask her to but idk why she was all dressed up and he kept looking at her that day I realised so I gave up and grew distant i stopped talking to both of them. I moved on then idk what happened between him she cheated of him (according to the rumours she was screwing his bestfriend) this was in 2nd year then that guy started dating another girl I was dating someone else too. Now back in present I'm in 3rd yr and I kept having fights w my ex-bf so we broke up it was not working for both of us it was ldr and we met only once that guy was older and toxic . So after 1 month of my breakup that guy randomly texted me on vacation "that I was wondering why we don't talk anymore" Anyways then our convo started on SC he flirted then I started flirting too and he said ki why didn't you stop me why did u give up in first year blah blah he said he likes me and all I was happy anyways we decided to meet went of a date at night (park) it was empty we started making out and then it I went to his flat and we had sex. Everything was fine he was acting very sweet he didn't force me or anything I thought we'll date. In the morning He dropped me to my place but from the next day in college he started ghosting me I even texted to meet but he said he's busy when I confronted then he said ki aisa kuch nhi h you are overthinking koi excuse de diya uss ne. Maine 2-3 baar pucha ki what's wrong again with some excuse he told me not to tell anyone about that night but after sometime everyone in my class got to know about it. I asked he said he didn't tell them. Why'd he tell people when he asked me not to? I'm very confused I stopped talking to him so he asked if everything was ok he even asked again me to chill ate him home I denied. I'm very confused pls keep your views so that I can get multiple povs.

NOTE: I posted this elsewhere yesterday when I was completely spiraling. I feel a a fraction of a bit better today. I'm leaving this in word-for-word. Even though I say at the end I don't know why I posted this, I guess I do want to hear about other people's experiences. Its felt better to get this out.
The last three years of my life have been pretty tough, but I really thought I had come through the other side. I (M39) decided to go back to school, as I was not very happy in my former field. It was an extremely tough thing to do, as I would be taking a pay cut for the foreseeable future. My ex-girlfriend and I had been together for almost three years at this point and owned a house together. She said she supported my decision and understood my time would become limited considerably while I was in my program. Well that was a fucking lie. Almost immediately she started complaining about me "not taking her out" like I used to, or not doing as many projects around the house. The program I was in was already anxiety-inducing enough. To cut a long story short (because this isn't event what this post is about), I came to see our relationship was transactional, developed severe anxiety, and started to suffer health-related problems like high blood pressure. By the skin of my teeth I passed my program, became licensed, but had lingering issues around everything that had gone down in that span of time.
Over the last six months I have put in a lot of work and truly felt very hopeful for my future. I saw a therapist, got on some medications, lost 20 lbs. and got into great shape. Starting this new field has been a challenge, but also rewarding in the way I was looking for. I met a girl at work which I was very hesitant about d/t setting and some lingering anxiety issues. There was common interest, and I really explained what I had gone through and where I felt like I was. We both agreed to take things VERY SLOW. Hiking, lunch, movies, very casual for the first month. We finally had our first "serious" date - a fancy late night dinner and tickets to a show. We had some wine at her house after, and after some light touching and kissing, we had the conversation of getting tested because we were very much both interested in pursuing more. She had an ex give her chlamydia and had an upcoming OB/GYN appointment and was planning and getting a full workup. I thought "Well I've only slept with two women in the past eight years and have had no issues," but knew I hadn't been tested since 2016, which had shown I was clean.
I got my results back last Friday. HSV II. I'm fucking stunned. I mean I couldn't fucking breath. Full blown panic attack. I have never had any issues with my penis at all. Never any pain urinating, nothing. All the anxiety that I had worked so hard to get rid of came back and crushed me over this last weekend. It was all I could do to to get through my 12-hour shifts. I immediately hit up both of my ex's to figure out who the hell had given me this, as there was no other way. Last ex proceeds to tell me she had been tested about six months ago when she started dating her new boyfriend. I confirm she's clean for HSV II. She proceeds to berate me for being an idiot and a near 40 year-old with a disease now. I'll admit I'm not very proud of this, but she assumed I had caught something after her and I did not tell her that that left only the possibility of my relationship before her passing this to me.
So on to the title and why I'm so devastated. I'm really racking my brain on how I could have this but never see anything wrong with my penis. Then I read something that was my 'getting struck by lightening' moment. It was a post that is very similar to mine. Guy gets tested, guy gets HSV II diagnosis, perplexed at no previous penis symptoms. But he does get pretty bad cold sores from time-to-time. His Dr informs him that it's very possibly to get HSV II on your face. Now I never thought I had a cold sore before, but I remember back in 2017 getting an infected hair follicle in the hair right below my bottom lip after shaving. I went to the Dr, he looks at it and says "Yup, looks like an infection," give me antibiotics, but it doesn't go away for about two weeks. About two years after that, same thing happens: I shave, my follicle gets infected, I get more antibiotics from the Dr, and though it's not anywhere near as bad as the first time it still takes about two weeks to heal. Then almost exactly a year ago the same thing pops about, but this time I haven't shaved. Call my Dr, gives me antibiotics without even looking at it. I start looking at HSV II outbreaks in the same area as I was getting my infected follicle. I find a few pictures that look dead-on from what mine looks like. I at least though "Well, it's on my penis, condoms exist," but I'm not exaggerating in the least when I tell you after my realization I felt like the hopeless protagonist at the end of an HP Lovecraft novel where he realizes there is indeed a fate worse than death.
I'm finally able to get ahold of my ex from back in 2016. She confirms to me that she indeed has HSV II, but didn't think to tell me because we hadn't spoken in years. "I figured if you didn't reach out then we were good." This confirms she cheated on me because we were tested together. I don't even care about that now. Now my focus shifts to the girl I'm currently dating. She knows something is up. So I just started at where we work and on the other hand she's been there for six years. She is like family to most people on the floor. I'm the annoying new guy who barely knows anyone. She has her OB/GYN appointment today and I realize I need to tell her that not only do I have HSV II, that it's on my face and there is possibility she might have it on hers' too. She is very calm about it but I can tell in her voice that she is shook. I hope to beyond all fucking hope that her test comes back all clear. I'm also legitimately contemplating put in my resignation at work, a job I just fucking started. There's no way this doesn't get out at work and I don't become ostracized. I don't know how I'm going to approach this in the future, I don't see any romance in my life anymore. And this is so fucking selfish, but if I gave this to her I am legitimately scared on how this will make ME feel. I'm scarred that that guilt will cripple me and I'll be doomed to live in constant anxiety. I don't feel any better writing this all out, in fact I feel worse. I have no idea why the fuck I'm posting this.

I love my friends. I love people so much. I can’t stay mad at someone for more than 5 minutes. I love buying gifts for my friends, hugging them... I tell my friends I love them almost everyday. I’m so happy when someone wants to talk me even if It’s just “hey”. I appreciate everything and always forgive everyone. When I’m in love with someone I wanna make them feel loved(paragraphs, gifts…)I don’t understand why are so people mean to me. My ex broke up with me out of nowhere few days before my birthday, because he lost feelings and I can’t stop blaming myself. I tried my best to make him happy and I failed. My best friend told me I’m too soft but I can’t help it. I’m always too much. I wanna be loved the way I love but It’s impossible.

And no one is in here yet. Guess I should work on that so we can party next year.
Happy Birthday! 5/21 for life!!!

I’ve been with my ex for almost 4 years. It was great at beginning but it become very turbulent and extreme over the last year, since he developed mental issues bc started abusing drugs/alcohol+bpd+ narcissistic tendencies. At one point i thought I would die, mentally and physically/I lost 10kg, then decided to breakup cause unfortunately i couldn’t take care of him anymore. (there were too many stuff can’t fit this post) Year passed and I am doing much better. I blocked him on everything long ago, but it’s not possible to do the same with email. He keeps emailing me since then, there were different ranges of emotions, hate messages, bursts of love, anger..but most recent he is begging for forgiveness and writing me poem-like stuff telling me that he will fix everything and come to see me.. on early stage i did text back telling him that i forgive him and separated with best wishes for him, once i was angry i told him that its over forever that its useless and to stop harassing me. He lives in another country and i really never want to see or hear from him again, that relationship left me a huge trauma.. I feel unsafe, disrespected, abused, i simply don’t know how to get rid of him, it makes me want to vomit. I can’t sleep, have obsessive ptsd at times and i am afraid that he will really appear at my doors at this point.(so changing email or ignoring him will not help)
Does anyone had to deal with mentally unstable person like this?
I appreciate any advice and thank you for reading.
I still wish health and happiness to my ex, but I feel trapped and worried for my overall health and safety for me and my family.

Hi everyone,
This more like a vent and a request for advice so bear with me...
So long story short I've (26M) been dumped by my gf (23M) of 4.5y by text a bit more than a month ago now, we had a "happy" relationship, I don't even recall us fighting ever, other than one time about getting married now or in a bit, she said that she did love me but the fact that I had family issues I had to take care of for 2 years now, made her feel like she couldn't be my priority, and that made her feel unsafe for our future, that she got tired of waiting to be it (plus feeling bad for me about it, because she knows I couldn't do much to fix it), that by the time she took the decision she didn't see us functioning as a couple, more like friends.
I've been devastated since, somedays I do feel slightly better, that I don't even want her back, because I'll always be afraid she'll leave again, but the reality is that I still deeply miss her, she was my partner and my absolute best friend, my confident, a great source of advice when it comes to work (we do the same creative job) and my source of joy the person I was preparing myself to propose to (I had a trip planned to do so, that was cancelled...), we've been doing actual NC since the 27th of April, it's The longest time we did not even interact in 4 years. In those 4 year we had "broken up" for like 3 months, but we still saw each other and talked all the time and eventually found each other back. Before that NC, I tried to talk to her, set up a meeting, but she refused multiple time, saying that she said her piece in the breakup texts she sent me, that seeing each other will just hurt us, stubborn as I am, I did stupid things, leaving flowers and a heartfelt letter at her home, texting her to try and change her mind about just talking about it, but it all backfired, the 27th, she snapped and said that all I did during that period was hurt her, that she feels horrible and it take her steps back in her healing process whenever I do a "gesture". It's been radio silence since.
This morning I woke up to a reminder, "S's birthday prep" those 4 years I always made a point to throw her a great birthday date, we always spent those together, it was one of my favourite thing to do, i took great pleasure in preparing and teasing her until the date, seeing that reminder punched a hole in me and sent me spiraling the whole day, it confirmed that she's gone now with very few hope of comming back and I'm thinking of maybe contacting her on her birthday but I feel like it's a bad idea, in the meantime she did wish me a happy birthday for mine so I'm not sure, I'm lost and I hate this.

Hi everyone,
This more like a vent and a request for advice so bear with me...
So long story short I've (26M) been dumped by my gf (23M) of 4.5y by text a bit more than a month ago now, we had a "happy" relationship, I don't even recall us fighting ever, other than one time about getting married now or in a bit, she said that she did love me but the fact that I had family issues I had to take care of for 2 years now, made her feel like she couldn't be my priority, and that made her feel unsafe for our future, that she got tired of waiting to be it (plus feeling bad for me about it, because she knows I couldn't do much to fix it), that by the time she took the decision she didn't see us functioning as a couple, more like friends.
I've been devastated since, somedays I do feel slightly better, that I don't even want her back, because I'll always be afraid she'll leave again, but the reality is that I still deeply miss her, she was my partner and my absolute best friend, my confident, a great source of advice when it comes to work (we do the same creative job) and my source of joy the person I was preparing myself to propose to (I had a trip planned to do so, that was cancelled...), we've been doing actual NC since the 27th of April, it's The longest time we did not even interact in 4 years. In those 4 year we had "broken up" for like 3 months, but we still saw each other and talked all the time and eventually found each other back. Before that NC, I tried to talk to her, set up a meeting, but she refused multiple time, saying that she said her piece in the breakup texts she sent me, that seeing each other will just hurt us, stubborn as I am, I did stupid things, leaving flowers and a heartfelt letter at her home, texting her to try and change her mind about just talking about it, but it all backfired, the 27th, she snapped and said that all I did during that period was hurt her, that she feels horrible and it take her steps back in her healing process whenever I do a "gesture". It's been radio silence since.
This morning I woke up to a reminder, "S's birthday prep" those 4 years I always made a point to throw her a great birthday date, we always spent those together, it was one of my favourite thing to do, i took great pleasure in preparing and teasing her until the date, seeing that reminder punched a hole in me and sent me spiraling the whole day, it confirmed that she's gone now with very few hope of comming back and I'm not even sure of what I want...

Hey Gay Bros-
I know, I just get on here to whine. So if you’re sick of my shit, I get it, keep scrolling.
Last August, my husband left me and since then my life has been pretty difficult. In October, I tried to unalive myself by swallowing a bunch of 500 mg acetaminophen. It, obviously, didn’t work, but since then I can’t shake this feeling that my life is not improving and I feel incredibly sad all the time.
To make matters worse after this all happened, I found out that my ex was cheating on me with a supposed friend of mine, and since learning that news, my despair has only deepened and is a daily profound struggle. Even worse, my ex’s family has completely cut me out of their lives in response to learning about the affair in order to ensure they don’t have to deal with it or address it in any real way.
To complicate things I really don’t understand why I’m feeling this way. Everything else in my life is exactly where I want it to be. Both subjectively and objectively. I have a really really incredible life. People live entire lives not getting to where I have built myself to-
I am close with my family, I have wonderful friends who hang out with me and have been supporting me unconditionally during this time, I have a job that I love and that pays me well and where I am am well respected and appreciated, I own my own home with a very nice set up in a very nice neighborhood in a town that I love, I volunteer regularly with various organizations in town that fulfill me and make me feel like I am a active member in my community, I act locally at a theater and try to express myself artistically on stage whenever I can, just so many things seem so right and awesome. I’m even smiling listing them.
But that smile always slowly fades because I think about what is going on in my life romantically. Without my husband, I feel like none of those things really matter. Without someone to share all of my experiences with on a deep and rewarding level I just don’t see the point in any of them. To make matters worse I live in a smaller community and so dating is pretty awful. I have been on a number of dates now and they have all ended in two ways: the person isn’t into a relationship and just wants to fuck and be friends and or the person is a total loser with no goals and no interesting things to talk about. I loathe being single. I loathe coming home to an empty house and cooking for one and then just repeating that over and over and over and over. I loathe the looks of sympathy and concern on everyone’s face when they can tell that I should be enjoying myself and I’m clearly not. I am terrified I am going to die alone; the biggest fear I have always had- and it feels like it’s coming true.
So I guess I’m just looking for some advice. And yes, I am in weekly therapy with therapist that I really like and trust. I am on antidepressants and I take them consistently. I have a written safety plan - all of that is in place. The really hard part is that I actually really don’t want to kill myself. Mainly because after my attempt I was insanely guilty. I can’t stomach leaving behind my job, my family, my friends, and some of the other things that I do for this world. But I am stuck in this nightmare that is full of wonderful beautiful things that I simply just can’t enjoy. What’s even even worse sometimes I feel guilty that I’m not happier and enjoying life more. Especially when I’m reflect like this and see all of the good things I have. And even more so when I talk to my family and friends who desperately want me to move on and find happiness.
Does anybody else feel like this? What else can I do? It just seems like I can’t live the next 30 years of my life walking around like a zombie, surrounded by happiness and wonderful things, but not being able to fully embrace them anymore. And why do I feel so alone? And why am I so hung up on my ex? I should hate him, but I wake up every day, missing him more and more, and wishing that he would change his mind and come back. I worry about him daily because this person he is with I know will eventually hurt him, and I don’t trust him whatsoever. What’s the point in all this if I have to just suffer and die alone?
I’m fucked up! Ha ha ha. Comment away.

I kinda have to get into their mindset and understand it. Once you have enough contradictions memorized. Here’s a source to use it. https://www.lyingforjesus.org/Bible-Contradictions/
So here’s a few stories of how I use it against them. Here’s a few stories about my Christian family. I was playing Cult of the Lambs at thanksgiving and a bunch of em jumped me for just playing it so I said Satan and His demons have no power and brought up job and jesus told them that with job the devil needed permission from god with job. With Jesus satan was just a whisper in the desert. They kept going after me so I said my faith wasn’t weak enough for a video game and asked them why the game bothers them so much and I told them you need to have a stronger faith if the very sight of that game shook them and called all of them out and said your faith is weak and they listened to me like I was a teacher 😂 But yeah throw out your faith is weak and watch them say your right and I’m sorry.
Another one was about hell and this was a preacher and it had him thinking and asking questions. I told him about the wages of sin is death but the gift is eternal life so I asked him how come it wasn’t worded eternal life but with torture. And he was soooo confused and he came back after me and said hell is where god isn’t around so I told him god is omnipresent right? And he replied yes yes your getting now and I said if he’s omnipresent he would be everywhere even hell so therefore it’s your normal death because if your erased then yes gods not around. It was really long debate at the end the preacher was questioning everything because I brought up history and the new testament written hundred of years later and there’s only a few people that claimed to have met Jesus. But he wanted the torture type of hell and now he doesn’t know what to believe.
My trick is to put up a guru or a sage act so everyone thinks I’m enlightened. And won’t question me. But I’ll say true enlightenment is where you read the whole thing and realize the Bible is an old book and just LIVE in the present without worrying about sin or the afterlife and be happy THAT is enlightenment for the ex Christian at least
But it’s so fun using the Bible against them when they are trying to change you.

My brother married an actual psychopath. My brother (40) married the scummiest scum of the earth. Who can only be described as a whore, a psycho, sociopath and an all around terrible human being. It was against the wishes of EVERYONE. For back story…She had a child by another man… and only had him (in november) to live off the government. he met the stray hoe took care of her and her unborn child. they started dating in september and by christmas she had drained his bank account. He moved in with her days after christmas. Proposed. And got married sometime between march and june i honestly can not be bothered to know exactly when. The night before brother was admitted to the er for staph infection in his berries. After the “wedding” that was in the back yard of some pastor . they had a “reception”. Where i photographed/observed the following. A used tampon on washing machine. Shit filled diapers littering the nursery. A surreal amount of clothing on the bed. I said nah im good. And went home. The wedding was in may and she got my brother to legally adopt her child. Im forever convinced if not for my brother she would casey anthony her child. She Munchausened her kid and my brother. Self diagnosing the kid with autism. Pushed or made my brother fall and get multiple concussions. Drugged him with date rape drugs to keep control of him. She was a frequent flier to the ER going to the emergency room for unnecessary reasons. She refused to parent her child insisting that its the worlds job to teach him the bare minimum. She refused to clean as well. Her cockroaches had cockroaches. Cleanliness was mental illness for her. She kicked my brother out asking for divorce. But realized she had to leave bc he paid the bills. She stayed with whoever the hell would take her. Was forced to walk wherever she needed to go. And uttered the words “well i had to walk in the rain so theres my bath for the week” after growing tired of not having his card and money she came crawling back. She avoided parenting like the plague. Every excuse. Uti. Migraine. Yeast infection. Its a tuesday. When her son was 2 she left to go to another state and go to school for being a truck driver. Had no qualms of leaving her kid behind for weeks. Then she dropped out of 18 wheeler school. It seems the wheels on her bus fell off. For someone who doesnt believe proper hygiene was important she didnt believe bathing him and basic care was important. Feet encrusted in dirt and dirt under overgrown nails. It was so noticeable that when i cut his nails his teacher made comment about it. Her family was just as absent as you would expect. Her mother only went to the first birthday party when the child was 6. And didnt even know her own grandchild. Asked another child at the party if he had the best birthday! My mom looked at her and said “yeaaa thats the wrong kid…” Fast forward when the first born was 6 and she birthed her second. This had no change and her parenting never improved. Another child encrusted in dirt. After the youngest turned a year and a half my brother had knee surgery and stayed with us (me mom dad) to recover because she would have made him cook clean and parent. While he was healing for the week he was there she moved in her boyfriend AND girlfriend. By the way she not only a hoe she is a promiscuous hoe with no moral compass. I promised my mom id never call CPS however when the second was 2 i had a friend call cps. Like a special ops team cops went in at 2 am and gathered the children and brought them to me and my parents. We had the 2 year old and a friend of the hoe had the 8 year old. For 2 weeks my brother agonized over his kids being taken. And she had a vacation. She treated it as if having your kids repo’ed as a right of passage. Told the world. Told the teacher. And had the time of her stupid life. In the 2 weeks i had them i had minions collecting screenshots of statuses of her being a bad mother. Which was super easy bc every thought made it to facebook. Such as. “My dentist suggested i brush my teeth at least once a day” “i guess i was doing (brother) with the wrong meds and made him sick” “why dont grandparents raise our children” i gathered these gems and photographic evidence of the state of the house and cleanliness of children to cps, police and eventually divorce lawyer. During their time together the hoe broke my brother mentally spiritually emotionally physically financially. The food stamps ran out in the first week of every month spent on junk soda and unnecessary nonsense. They had to ask my mother for money that accumulated to the tune of $10,000 over 10 years. She is also a gofundme whore. She would start a gofundme 10-12 times a year for any and everything. She decided at one point to go back to school and did an amazon wishlist for school supplies and a gofundme for “gas food and other expenses”. Being the trash human she is she is friends with people of unsavory character. An actual crack head bought her entire amazon wishlist. Which she put on facebook. Yikes. At one point she found a dog and instead of finding the owner she finders keepers that poor pup. Making yet another gofundme for dog expenses. I told my friends i would paaaay them to claim the dog as theirs so my mother didnt pay for yet another mouth to feed. If youre curious about the gofundmes and if they were ever fruitful… when a bull milks a calf will her gofundme work. The final year of their marriage was no less chaotic. The christmas of 2019 she posted on facebook that its so wonderful that her husband is out working and her boyfriend is sleeping next to her and her girlfriend is cooking. Tagging the aforementioned on facebook. My brother was humiliated because infront of church members family and friends his marriage and all the stupidity that came with it was out in the open for all to judge. My brother was at the time a corrections officers and let his kind nature and naivety get him in trouble. A person asked him to take some taco bell to an inmate and in what could only be called a moment of stupidity (sorry mom) he did so. what he didnt know is they put drugs in it and when it was scanned he was arrested. My mom and dad had to bail him out too him home and around 3 am he called me “they voted me out” beyond confused i asked what the hell does that mean? As it turned out. Hoe boyfriend and girlfriend unanimously voted him out of the house. Mind you. Single wide trailer housing 4 adults 2 kids a dog and cats. June of 2020 he moved back in a month later if the children followed. after the actual breadwinner left the house the unemployed baboons could not pay the rent and were kicked out. The three went down to two with the girlfriend being let go. Hoe and boyfriend moved in with her mother. And boyfriend wrecked the car in my brothers name. Dui and head on collision. Car gone! The children stayed with us. The youngest was 2 at the time and began calling my mom “mommy” which pissed off the hoe. And she never contacted them. At the hearing for the divorce she stated all she wanted out of the relationship was not money or visitation. But her maiden name back. TAKE IT. AND LEAVE US THE HELL ALONE. She also used a photo of her kids on a gofundme to get sympathy and posted that to a fetish website. Seeing as the photo was them shirtless i believe that was on purpose. She dumped boyfriend and found a new love in new hampshire. She was in NH for 8 months with her new boyfriend and he lost his job so they moved back down. After a summer of no contact she called and told the children “when i get home we are going to….” And listed about 10 events places and activities to look forward to. None of which she delivered on. After not spending time with them again and choosing to give up her weekend with them to play video games for 30 HOURS STRAIGHT. She eventually in 2024 decided that her and her boyfriend were moving to Massachusetts. Seeing how she is a practicing witch my only hope is the salem witch trials reconvene. She married the dude she abandoned her kids for. On mothers day the children who no longer give a damn she exists were forced to call and tell her happy mothers day. Where the 6 year old proceeded to tell her the older brother got a phone and didnt wanna give her his number. She assured him that as his mother its quite alright to give mommy dearest the number to which the youngest said yea no he doesnt want to. The mouths of babes. She cried and posted on facebook not only do her children hate her but she had to give up her cats too. And wished the “real mom’s of the world a happy mothers day” shes a shit cat mom too! A week after we had spaghetti for dinner and the 6 year old said “i never used to like spaghetti. I only tried it at… whats her names house? Jordan? Yea her house” With their father engaged to a good Godly woman with morals and standards the worst mother to ever mother has been replaced and so far we are all living happily ever after. The moral of the story is if you lay down with dogs you get up with fleas what if you lay down with whores end up with bedbugs and that was a very costly moral

TDLR: Ex texted a bestfriend behind my back ending of last year ruining the friendship. Broke up with her, during that time I rekindled with someone else while occasionally texting my ex still not back together. Felt like I missed the warmth of my ex and dropped the new girl going back to my ex fully beginning of this year. Missed the support and love from my ex that I never truly got. Girl told me ex about our dirty laundry, causing trust issues in the whole relationship. Tried fixing them by removing girls, sharing location, etc. I felt scared my ex is gonna get revenge and started being distant at the end which pushed her away as well. We broke up beginning of May. I thought we would get back together as always, found out she’s been adding guys she removed a long time ago. I got upset and texted her ugly nasty shit, and texted her dad saying his daughter is nasty etc. I thought by doing this I’d move on quicker, he told me to leave them alone. I understand I fucked up and want to apologize to the parents for the lack of character I had but feel like it’s too late to backtrack on the stupid shit I said. Am I being selfish by sending a text?
Hello all, This is gonna be long. I really appreciate anyone who takes time to read and help with some words. I have no therapist or friends this seems like the best option.
I have never posted on here but seriously feel torn up. I know that I have been in the wrong in all this but I truly was dealing with a weed addiction till I finally sobered up and realized how fucked I am. This relationship has been a rollercoaster, but something I didn’t want to get off. She showed me many first things and it was my longest relationship of three years. She cared for me when I had no job, to every job, skinny fat, etc and I did the same with her struggles. To make a long story short back in August of 2023 I found my ex texting one of my bestfriends that worked with her at the time(I had quit that spot and found another job). No lust or crazy texts just work laughing but I confronted her about it it was jealousy and she said it was nothing.
After a few weeks come September I kept feeling this jealousy boil over. If she had texted anybody else I wouldn’t have said much but I felt like cause it was MY friend she should have brought up the convo they had even if it was light and funny. I was pestering her about him, she then decided to text him behind my back saying I’m being jealous. They text back and forth and he’s calling me a kid and disrespecting me even though he’s known me for longer, and she was laughing sending him laughing emojis and stuff. He then texted me asking me to fight because somehow she told him I threatened him. I got pissed she ruined a friendship and told her I’m done blocked her on everything. From September to December 2023 I was all alone focused on work and meeting new people. In December I rekindled with a girl I knew no feelings just stupid lust. While talking to the new girl, my ex sends me a heartfelt email since I had blocked her on everything, saying she’s sorry and understands I don’t want to hear from her but wishes me the best. I softened up and began texting her here and there, but still was talking to the new girl.
After a while in Jan/Feb 2024 I met with the girl I had rekindled with and we had done some things. However during this time I started seriously missing my ex and the way I felt comfortable around her. So I was talking to my ex again fully and wanted to make it work again. The problem came when my ex wanted to visit me since she’s long distance. She flew all the way to me and everything was good, till that new girl decided she wasn’t getting my attention anymore and texted my ex lying to her telling her I was begging for her etc. My ex broke down and asked why and I childishly said because of what she had done by texting my bestfriend and that we weren’t together. She cried in my arms and I balled with her cause I truly didn’t want to hurt this girl like this. I offered her to leave me and understood I fucked up. But to my surprise she wanted to stay and asked to fix our trust. I tried my hardest to fix it, I gave her my social passwords, she had my location, everything she wanted she got, even removed all girl friends to gain trust and she removed guys. However after some time around March 2024 I felt like all that I did wasn’t building up that trust again, and I began having flashbacks to trauma where I got left and cheated on within a week. I felt like my ex got back with me to seek revenge. So I started pushing her away scared.
During April she came again to visit me and booked a flight without asking me to pay or anything and genuinely asked to spend every minute of the day with me. I should have taken her coming to see me without me asking as her sign of true love but I ignored it.
Beginning of May 2024 came and our problems began. I started seeing her go out with friends to bars, even to houses I didn’t know and she would take a little longer to respond. I began thinking something is up due to my trauma and started being distant with her. She kept asking me to stop doing this, and cried a few times but I was truly scared of behind hurt and thought by being distant I’m protecting myself. She told me this once and it’s stuck with me “you’re gonna regret doing this”. After that convo she became cold with me too to the point where I didn’t even know who she was anymore. Our final convo was May10. We argued on the phone, and she blamed me for everything, I brought my ex bestfriend and her and how they hurt me she said she had already apologized and I said I did too for cheating but I knew what I did hurt more. She told me to leave her tf alone that I haven’t been the man she needs saying she’s seen better guys treat gfs better etc. That she wants time alone that she wouldn’t go around like I did with girls fucking randoms guys. I blocked her but I genuinely thought we would breakup and get back together as always.
However a week passed and I heard nothing. For some reason I felt like I deserved an apology cause during our arguments I was being more respectful and it felt like she kept saying stuff on purpose to hurt me. I saw she had logged onto my socials and I locked her out and logged out of her accounts cause I felt like it was better. However I was still stalking her Instagram following number and began seeing it go up fast. I started getting guys being suggested to me that follow her and I noticed it was all guys she used to work with and removed for “trust”. I felt broken cause it felt like she did what my first ex with the trauma did , just move on within a week. I felt sad, but the sadness turned to anger. I thought by burning bridges I could move on quicker. And I began blowing her up with calls to no answer, so I switched to texting and said some of the most heinous shit I’ve said to anyone. I then texted her mom telling her her daughter got a new type being childish but nothing too disrespectful to the mom. I texted the dad however and called his daughter names, which he got back at me with a threat and called me childish and that he’s happy his daughter isn’t with someone like me and to lose their numbers. I said lmao cool being even more childish.
I genuinely felt bad the same day I texted the parents this. I felt like bringing them into childish arguments and saying what I said made me look like a true child which I try not to be fast in situations but I was impatient and dumb. I felt like I was the one being stubborn in the relationship and pushed her away, then got upset when she did walk away I just didn’t appreciate her at the end and it hurts my soul I’ve felt this heaviness on my chest ever since like I lost the person for me. I know blaming it on the weed is childish but I feel like it game me that I don’t give a F feeling till it bit me in the ass. I spoke to my only friend and my parents who didn’t even accept the relationship at first due to culture, but they told me I had fucked up and told me with time they will heal, and that in time I can send a message to the parents if I wanted to to get my conscious clear and be able to move on with a better image.
Is it smart to reach back out to the parents to show respect as an adult or just let them be? I know this was a lot but it’s on my heart and brain everyday since. A part of me says apologize in the hopes of getting this girl back one day which I know is selfish, the bigger part of me just hates the image I left of myself cause I have never left a relationship in this manner